Shane Hollander Doesn't Understand Hazing

Today 3:57 PM
Jane: Hey so. I need you to sext me like a girl
Today 10:18 PM
Lily: what
Jane: It's like this hazing thing. They made me Captain, and it's like the Metro’s ritual or whatever to read off the new Captain’s sexts
Lily: what is 'hazing'
Jane: That's not the point
Jane: Can you just? Send me a couple things a girl would say?
Lily: no
Jane: If I dont send hayden screenshots, they’re going to jailbreak my phone
Jane: They're going to figure it out!!!!!!!
Lily: pike needs hotter wife if he needs your sexts this badly
Jane: Don't talk shit about Jackie, okay?
Lily: you are right jackie pike is beautiful MILF
Lily: she needs better dick
Lily: maybe i visit her next time i am in montreal
Jane: Stop it. Seriously
Jane: Who taught you MILF?
Lily: your mother
Jane: Listen, if you can't muster up a few texts, they're going to SCROLL, idiot
Lily: then they will see how mean you are
Lily: big surprise how much of asshole you are
Jane: Then they see that fucking dick pic you sent me
Lily: you kept that? 🥰
Lily: your dick is lonely 🥲
Jane: You sent it!!
Jane: Shut the fuck up!
Lily: you can delete messages
Jane: Are you going to do this or not?
Lily: have you asked nicely?
Jane: I'll suck your dick next time
Lily: you will do that anyways 😜
Lily: and i think you mean lick my pussy
Jane: yeah
Jane: I'll lick your pussy
Lily: you are good with your mouth
Lily: what else will you do?
Jane: whatever you want
Lily: you still have not asked nicely
Jane: ?
Lily: you lost before playoffs last year
Lily: if i am going to let your loser mouth and your loser dick near me, you should ask nicely
Jane: fuck you
Lily: you know you want to 😘
Lily: jesus you are bad at this
Jane: I'm trying!!!!
Jane: shut up
Lily: or what
Jane: or I'll make you
Lily: oooooooo so scary
Lily: hot
Lily: what would you do to make me
Jane: I'm stronger than you
Lily: okay
Jane: I'd pin you down
Jane: on your stomach
Jane: and put my fingers in your mouth
Lily: boring
Lily: maybe i do all this to you instead
Jane: you're insufferable
Lily: you still have not asked nicely
Lily: are you hard?
Jane: fuck you
Jane: yes
Lily: my big, strong hockey captain
Lily: i am so wet
Lily: wish you were here so i could make you blush in person
Lily: pretty freckles on your pretty face
Jane: fuck
Lily: im touching myelf
Lily: you touching your dick?
Jane: yeah
Jane: would rather touch you
Lily: manners, manners
Jane: fuck off
Lily: i can if you want
Jane: No!
Jane: wait
Jane: please
Lily: please what do you want? what do i do with please?
Jane: please let me
Lily: ?
Jane: I want to fuck you
Lily: you should. i am sexy
Jane: please let me fuck you
Lily: that was so hard?
Jane: shut up
Lily: hard like your dick in my pussy 😩
Jane: ????
Lily: yes, you can fuck me
Lily: nobody fucks me like you can
Lily: you feel so good i can come on just your dick
Lily: makes me so loud and whiny
Lily: i can't say no to you even when i want to
Jane: jesus christ
Lily: i want to fuck you every day
Lily: then you play better, yes? you come and eat me with lips that kissed the Cup
Jane: okay, fuck off I think I got what I need
Lily: i certainly did 💦

Today 3:57 PM
Shane: There, now you don’t have to get Miity’s weirdo cousin hack my phone
Hayden: holy shit
Hayden: Shane, JJ was just messing with you. That's not our Captain's ritual
Hayden: SHANE
1 missed call
Hayden: SHANE HOLLANDER YOU'RE GOING TO MARRY HER RIGHT
Hayden: SHANE
Today 10:01 PM
Shane: Delete those

Today 4:15 PM
Hayden: oh my fucking god you guys
Hayden: read those rumors their fucking last rights
Hayden: SHANE HOLLANDER FUCKS NASTY
JJ
Did he really send you screenshots??
Comeau
He didn't
Gagnon
pics or it didn't happen
Hayden: I can't
Hayden: Just trust me though. I guess Boston girls get wild
Comeau
don't be such a pussy
I bet he's all oooooh yes mommy spank me
The quiet ones are the freaks
JJ
You are fucked up, C
Comeau
If Shane Hollander doesn't have mommy issues, I'll let him fuck my wife
Hayden: I'm telling Jackie to tell Nicole you said that
Gagnon
dude why are you always making jokes about people fucking your wife
Comeau
you're a real enforcer, hayd
So what's up next? Ice in his pants for after game interviews?
JJ
I thought we were doing naked team speech
Hayden: Yeah, it's naked team speech and then ice
Hayden: I think we can milk JJ for one more before we switch
JJ
Yeah?
Comeau
He's so fucking gullible
I bet we get him all the way to shaving an M in his hair before he catches on

Today 6:58 PM
Jane: You BROKE Hayden’s NOSE in THREE FUCKING PLACES
Lily: deserves it
Lily: next time i hear him call himself your best friend
Lily: i turn his brain to sauce
Jane: Why are you acting like this?
Lily: they take advantage of you
Lily: they make your hair ugly
Lily: and i cannot pull it anymore
Lily: they know you are sweet and innocent flower and they pick you and blow you away for fun
Jane: It’s just kid stuff. It’s not that serious
Lily: will be serious when their wives are weeping at their funerals
Jane: All the Captains get messed with. It means they accept me.
Lily: you know what Boston did when they make me captain?
Lily: they take me out for thousand dollar vodka bottle
Lily: we smoke cigars over steak
Lily: they get stripper to give me lap dance with puck between her tits
Lily: that is how real team celebrates
Jane: We’re different teams, asshole
Lily: yes, biggest difference my team will still be alive after this season
Lily: they make it more difficult to fuck your face
Lily: unrelated, where does miitka live?
Lily: with cross streets
Today 7:41 PM
Jane: that was kind of poetic. What you said. The flower thing
Lily: 8871
Lily: i have more poetry for you
Jane: I’m hanging out with Hayden at the hospital until Jackie gets all the kids in the car to come get him. They won’t let him drive even though it’s no concussion.
Lily: why can't you drive him?
Jane: Jackie has to interrogate the nurses
Lily: leave him right now and i will do that thing with my fingers you like
Jane: fuck
Jane: really?
Lily: i will do it all night

Today 10:24 AM
???: if you ever fuck with shane hollander again, you will not need the vasectomy your wife begs for
???: i will rip off your dick for free
???: - lily
Hayden: holy shit
Hayden: Lily!
Hayden: i thought you were some crazy fan. I almost pissed myself haha
Lily: another way in which your dick does not work. unsurprising
Hayden: look, you have to understand being on an MLH team
Hayden: It’s not just some guys having fun on Saturdays
Hayden: we’re together ALL the time. We win together. We lose together. We get injured together
Lily: you will get injured, i think yes
Hayden: There’s a bond of trust there, and it needs to be even stronger with the captain
Lily: so you lie to him
Hayden: So we pull some pranks! We have some fun! It's good for him you gotta trust me
Hayden: Look, Shane is my boy, and everybody loves him, but he’s not exactly built for the locker room
Hayden: The guys are already more comfortable with him as captain because now they know he can take a JOKE
Lily: Shane is not your boy
Lily: he is mine
Lily: i hope that clears things up pike
Hayden: whatever, loca
Hayden: remind Shane he needs more of the black KT tape
Hayden: he always forgets when i tell him at practice

Today 8:12 PM
Lily has been added to the chat!
Jackie
Hey, everyone, we finally got Lily!
Bea
OMG HI!!
Nicole
wait who’s Lily
Carine
Welcome, Lily!
Lily: hello, everyone
Lily: is an honor to be in WAG chat
Lily: Shane and i are very private, but is nice to have people who understand hockey life
Carine
Ooh, baby we get it
Jackie
We’re very private here too. It’s Vegas rules unless specifically stated
Nicole
please don’t tell me we added BOSTON Lily
Jackie
Oh, come on. Be nice
Lily: Vegas rules?
Jackie
What happens here, stays here
Bea
Unless someone’s specifically like hey!!! tell your mans this thing!!!!
Nicole
Are we glossing over the spy in our midst?
Lily: is true, i live in Boston
Lily: i will not share sacred WAG secrets, though
Jackie
Of course not!
Carine
Nobody cared when I was added 🗽🍎
Nicole
Nobody cares about the Admirals
Lily: nobody cares about Admirals
Nicole
ha
jinx
Alright fine, you can stay, but you’re on thin fucking ice
Lily: i take it back. i will go shout your husband’s favorite sex positions at next raiders game
Lily: will probably be taken out by security but will be worth it to give boston edge over Montreal
Nicole
We talk about injuries and stuff!!!
Jackie
Sorry, Nicole’s been paranoid since we added one of JJ’s flings prematurely who turned out to be a Nomad’s sister
Carine
We mostly talk about sex positions though
Bea
We do not!!!! 🫣🫣🫣
Carine
I do 😜
Anyways, I protect all of you from that happening again
Lily’s no fling, right?
Lily: you are with JJ then?
Carine
Most of the time
Infinite hall passes, and he still comes back to me 💅🏿
Lily: it is kind of similar with me and Shane
Lily: schedule is hard, but we have known each other for years
Jackie
That’s so tragically romantic
I could never do what you two do
Carine
Yeah, you locked yours down fast 😂
Bea
oh, I’m with Soren!!
Mitty!!
Nicole 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👨Gil (Comeau)
Siobhan 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👨 Alain (Gagnon)
Darian 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👨 Dan (Berkes)
Cecilie 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👨 Hunter (Taylor)
Polly 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👨 Luke (Renaud)
Carine
we still have Darian in the chat?
Bea
Not all of us talk all the time
I mean I’m in here constantly!!!!
But it’s to your comfort level, Lily 😄
Jackie
Yeah, Darian had us on mute day 1
Lily: so i have question
Lily: if is ok
Bea
Of course!!!
Carine
yes, they really go no sex
Jackie
Not all of them do. Jade and Ruby are playoffs babies 😅
Nicole
yeah that’s why we lost
Jackie
my man had assists 👀
where was yours 👀
Lily: jackie you really should not be doing this
Jackie
You’re superstitious too?
Lily: no, i just think it is bad luck all the time to be fucking Hayden Pike
Lily: he look so… what is dog?
Lily: golden retriever?
Lily: having sex with this man is like taking puppy on rollercoaster 😢
Jackie
RUDE 😂
Carine
LMAO you should teach your man to chirp like that!
Jackie
Honey, if Hayden is a golden retriever, Shane is a shivering chihuahua 😘
Lily: he is shaking, yes. when I am done with him 😈
Carine
daaaamn
we needed more fun in this chat
Bea
what’s your question tho Lily!!!!
Lily: ah, yes
Lily: i was wondering
Lily: do canadian men do sex talk in french?
Jackie
like the birds and the bees?
Lily: sorry, no
Lily: DIRTY talk
Bea
oh 😳
Carine
OH 😈
JJ certainly does, but it’s his second language. English is his third
French knows how to get nasty
English is a stuffy language
Nicole
not really
Jackie
OH yeah
big time. But that’s mostly my preference?
Bea
oh my god 🫠
Jackie
Why? Did Shane say something?
Lily: no, I am wondering for myself
Lily: 😇
Jackie
oh we can DEFINITELY teach you
Everyone is typing...

Today 11:33 AM
Lily: ladies, urgent question
Lily: how do i keep Shane from buzzing his hair so short on the sides again
Jackie
He liked that?? I thought he only did it because the guys convinced him to do the M and it looked horrible
Lily: more like tricked 😒
Nicole
He looked like a young nazi
worse, he looked like a soccer boy
Lily: yes and was very hard to grab 😠
Nicole
omg did you see the ice interview
It was like watching him be 19 again and repeating “go metros” until the reporters got out of his face
Carine
Lily, I’m so sorry baby
I can’t believe JJ did that to your man
And I mean that literally
JJ always says he was going to be a barber if hockey didn’t work out
Jackie
JJ ACTUALLY DID IT HIMSELF????
Lily: i am still angry about it you cannot tell me this
Nicole
hair grows back ice melts 🤷🏻
Gil’s first team hazed the newbies too
they’d put them up in pre-season, forward them on a play, then defence would drop back and let them take whatever check the other team had coming
Bea
oh my god that’s so brutal 🥺
Nicole
so what if they got Shane to do some stupid things
Lily: i am most angry about first thing
Lily: not even angry
Lily: embarrassed, i guess
Jackie
the team speech? They’ve all seen each other naked before it’s okay
Lily: no not that
Lily: the texts
Lily: they did not tell you?
Carine
What did they do
Lily: Shane said they would hack his phone if he did not send them screenshots of our private texts
Bea
Private?
Jackie
They made Shane send your sexts?
Lily: yes
Lily: probably they have seen it all before but i still feel gross about it
Lily: i only send those with Shane in mind
Bea
oh, ew!!! Why would they do that to you!!!
Carine
See if JJ ever gets his dick close to me again. See if he does, I swear
Jackie
That’s so immature
Nicole
they did what
Lily: i do not like that they take advantage of Shane of course
Lily: but i wish they do not also include me
Nicole
ive told him to stop doing shit like this
Okay, so what are we going to do about it?
Lily: do about it?
Carine
Sex strike
Jackie
Guys nooooooooo
The last one was soooo haaaard
Can’t we just tell them they can’t involve women in their shit
Nicole
The last one wasn’t even a week
You’ll be fine
Lily: you would do this?
Jackie
They’re home from Toronto TOMORROW could I get like a quickie hall pass???
Carine
No sex. No SEXTING
Jackie
What if we just did no sexting!!
The would be poetic justice
Nicole
weak
If someone hits you, you don’t just hit them back. You knock them out
Lily: nicole you are now my favorite
Bea
What if we did no sexting and something else?
Nicole
Do NOT suggest no laundry again that backfired so bad last time
Bea
What if we started making them eat macrobiotic like Shane?
Jackie
I’m listening
Nicole
How would that even work
I don’t cook
Bea
There’s plenty of places to order from!!!!
I talked about it with Shane one time
You put in the orders, right?
Carine
I’m still probably gunna do the strike
Jackie
We all know that’s a sex thing for you guys
Don’t blow this for me
I think that’s a great idea! Hayden calls it bird food. He might actually hate that more than no sex
Nicole
You would say that
whore
Bea
I think it shakes things up!! We should keep them on their toes
(and we’re more likely to all stick to it)
Nicole
Fair point
what does the offended party say?
Lily: i think hayden pike should not get sex
Lily: but i can agree to these terms
Jackie
Rag on my husband all you like but how could you do that to ME 😭
Lily: you are right, i am sorry
Lily: have you heard of vibrator
Carine
Oh she’s heard of it! 😂
Nicole
she’s a lost cause, Lily
Bea
We do this until EVERYONE involved apologizes to Shane!!!
Lily: or they cry
Lily: that would also be acceptable payback
Bea
oh, Lily 😭😭😭
Nicole
Make them grovel, ladies 😤
Today 3:30 PM
Siobhan
What did I miss?

Today 9:58 PM
Pike: what have you done?
Lily: 🖕

Today 9:59 PM
Hayden: “First of all, Shane, we’d like to apologize. We wanted to make you feel included in the team and accepted as our Captain, but we went too far with our pranks. We should never have forced you to share private conversations between yourself and anyone. We cannot imagine the distress it caused Lily to find out that her words were no longer private. It was an insensitive, juvenile joke that went too far, and we promise it won’t ever happen again.”
Hayden: How's that?
Jackie: And extend the apology to her
Hayden: He’s going to think I’ve been abducted babe
Jackie: Can't you muster up one silly apology for your best friend?
Hayden: I HAVE apologized to him. Face to face like men
Jackie: Well, you're going to set a good example to the others
Jackie: There’s a picture with your name on it as your reward
Jackie: Do you remember that outfit I wore on our honeymoon?
Hayden: “Please give our utmost apologies to Lily as well. I am ashamed to be a father of two wonderful girls and to have done this to a young woman.”
Jackie: Oh wow you need it bad don’t you, baby?
Hayden: These back to back away games are killing me! I miss my gorgeous wife. 🥺I need to see her 🥺
Jackie: Alright, that’s a very good message.
Jackie: You do have to get everyone else to send something similar
Hayden: YOU’RE KILLING ME 😩

Today 11:35 PM
Jane: What did you do?
Lily: 😇

Feb 14th 5:09 PM
Bea
Happy Valentine’s Day, ladies!
Jackie
Yes it absolutely is 🍷🍆
Carine
Your mom took the kids?
Jackie
His mom, actually
For the WHOLE day
I'm so glad my man doesn't need to go to the olympics. Like power to them, but I need him here
Bea
Miity still hasn't told me what we're doing
He always does the best surprises!!!
Jackie
Didn't he break your leg last year?
Bea
He didn't!!!
He took me skating where he grew up, and then I broke my own leg
He felt so bad
Nicole
HAPPY FUCKING VALENTINES DAY, BITCHES
Carine
Did you… break the bed?
Nicole
It’s the one we got from IKEA before he was drafted
I FINALLY KILLED IT
Bea
oh my god 🫣😳
What do you guys even do??
Nicole
🚬
Carine
Biggest I’ve broken is a lamp
Jackie
I broke my water
Does that count
Carine
Yes girl that counts
Bea
Miity is always so gentle!!! ❤️
Nicole
um….. Not always
Weren’t you asking if its okay to put an ice pack on your vag like last month
Carine
wait no one time we broke a swing
Bea
NICOLE THAT WAS IN DMS FOR A REASON
Jackie
I mean vag is just sensitive skin. Obv you shouldn’t put ice directly on it for long periods of time, but postpartum I used to put those super mega ultra pads in the freezer and use them and they were a godsend
Bea
Most of the time Miity is super sweet, but when he gets a lot of chirps…
It makes him really… eager
🙈
Nicole
don’t monkey emoji. you like it you slut
Jackie
DO you like it? 👀
Nicole
oh my god just admit ittttt
Bea
I mean I guess it’s a little nice!
Nicole
🐝 equivalent of drooling for it
Bea
Nooooo it’s just
You guys are gunna hate me
Carine
Impossible
Jackie
No, sweetheart
Nicole
if you don’t spill, then yeah
Bea
I…. kinda really like it when we lose against Boston 🙈
Nicole
how do we remove people from this chat
Carine
GIRL 😂
Jackie
Boston also gets Hayd fired up 🥰
Bea
It’s like insults are part of their game strategy. Their goalie will make comments if they’re warming up on the ice together
And Rozanov always says something when he scores
And I guess it gets under Miity’s skin
And….. 😳
Nicole
god forbid you enjoy rough sex
Bea
I DO okay??
I do 😭
But only every once in a while
Nicole
twice a year, maybe
Carine
Yeah I mean you can’t do it EVERY time like that but when it happens…. 🥵
Nicole
if yall ever need real dick, just let me know. you can borrow gil
Bea
👎🏼boooooooo
miity is it for me
Jackie
Carine, what do you mean a swing
Carine
👀

March 23rd 8:11 AM
Jackie
I keep seeing the 🌩️ad
I think skating = swagger walk off the ice. Shane does it in all his commercials.
Hayd does it with the bjorn
has anyone texted Lily recently?
Siobhan
Who's Lily?

April 5th 6:21 PM
Jackie
Isa, this is the recipe
https://laurenkellynutrition.com/almond-flour-thumbprint-cookie
Isa
Thank you so much!
Bea
Sorry I couldn’t join tonight!
Jackie
no problem, hun
Nicole
god i wish i wasn’t here
this game fucking sucks
there’s no way we get to the playoffs like this
Jackie
Rozanov won’t stop heckling Miity
Did he call him a face holder?
wtf does that even mean?
Nicole
jesus fucking christ
REF FINALLY PUT HIS FUCKING GLASSES ON
SEND HIM PACKING, YOU MEDITERRANEAN MOLE
ugh
2 minutes minor pen
Isa
who is this guy?
Nicole
Rozanov is the Raider’s captain
all I’ll say cause I’m not allowed to use the words I like in this chat anymore
Jackie
No you’re fucking not
He’s an asshole. He’s been in Shane Hollander’s face since they were rookies.
Isa
Hollander is our Captain?
Nicole
GET FUCKING IN THERE!!
WHAT IS SHANE DOING??? HE SHOULD BE GOING FOR IT ON THE POWER PLAY!
Legendary fucking talent and he shoots like a FUCKING TODDLER
Jackie
Game day brings out the worst in her
Bea
There’s a reason we don’t show this to the guys
Nicole
fucking hell now that cocksucker is back on the ice
Jackie
one more step, you’re off the cliff Nicole
Nicole
ILL JUMP MYSELF IF OUR DEFENCE KEEPS OPENING UP LIKE A WHORE FOR ROZANOV TO FUCK
IN THE ASS
Isa
It’s cool to see you so passionate about your husband’s sport
Nicole
he’s getting demoted back to boyfriend if he doesn’t step it the fuck up

Today 6:41 PM
Lily: sorry for being quiet
Lily: i do not think i should be in this chat anymore
Jackie
Oh no babe! What happened?
Lily: we had fight
Lily: months ago
Lily: i was asshole, probably
Nicole
Somehow unsurprising
Siobhan
Is Shane about to win MVP?
Oh, sorry
Jackie
Did you two officially break up?
Lily: is hard to say
Lily: we are not really together
Nicole
Girl, you’re in this chat
You’re together or I have to hunt you down and kill you
Lily: is very complicated
Lily: we both like how casual it is
Lily: he is very focused, you know? it is also like
Lily: people would not approve. families and things. better that we are not together anyways
Jackie
But don’t you love him?
Nicole
So what’s the issue? If it’s so complicated, then get out. You live in different cities. It can’t be that hard to avoid him
Lily: i will be seeing him tonight
Jackie
You’re in Vegas????
Lily: is work thing
Lily: i am not sure how i am going to act
Jackie
Do you work in MLH?
Nicole
Girl, do you want him back?
Lily: i don’t know
Lily: yes, i think
Nicole
Then put on your big girl panties and get in there!!!!
I mean not that it matters right now, but he does always play better after you two get nasty
Lily: is stick up his ass
Lily: he skates better without it
Jackie
If you really think you did something wrong, you can apologize. Shane doesn’t hold grudges
Nicole
Men don’t need apologies
They need their dicks sucked and then they forget everything that happened
Lily: this is my experience as well
Jackie
It would probably mean a lot to him if you did apologize though
Nicole
Just give him what he wants
Lily: i have to go
Lily: thank you for advice
Jackie
Shane is really sweet and understanding!!!
Lily, just talk to him!
Nicole, what the fuck!!!
Nicole
I give advice based on my experience
Jackie
in what world are Gil and Shane even remotely similar
Siobhan
Rozanov is such an asshole. I can’t believe they made Shane present the award with him
Sorry are we still talking about Lily
Nicole
They’re men, Jackie 🤷🏻‍♀️
Today 9:39 PM
Jackie
How did it go 🌸???

Today 10:20 PM
Jackie: Hey, are you okay?
Read 11:58 PM

Today 4:21 PM
Hayden: Are you on your way?
Hayden: JJ
Hayden: J
Hayden: J
Hayden: B
Hayden: O
Hayden: I
Hayden: Z
JJ: He is looking at blueberries
Hayden: ?????
JJ: I do not know what you want from me
JJ: He is explaining the difference between wild blueberries and blueberries
JJ: Me, I think it is because they get a little freaky in their blueberry beds, but non
Hayden: wtf did you tell him?
JJ: I ask him to show me how to shop at the farmer’s market!
JJ: Which was your stupid idea!!
Hayden: You just have to get him next door
Hayden: Bea just showed up with the cake
Hayden: She said it’s sweetened with syrup and monk fruit, whatever that is
Hayden: She said he should be able to eat a little of it even on his diet
Hayden: Hey, ask him about monk fruit
JJ: He says it’s really popular in health foods as an alternative to corn syrup
JJ: He’s saying so many scary sugar words
JJ: Hayden save me
Hayden: Everyone else is late so you have time
JJ: I do not have time.
JJ: We are three games from the cup, and I will find a balcony to throw myself off of
JJ: He knows so much about squash
JJ: I did not know there were this many things to know about squash
JJ: The farmers know him by name
Hayden: He’s the best hockey player in the goddamn country of course they know him
JJ: non
JJ: He also knows them
JJ: I should have gotten him a basket of squash
Hayden: He loves X-Squad dude. I think a box set and blue ray player is fine.
JJ: I still can’t believe you got him into that freaky spa on such short notice
Hayden: It wasn’t fucking short notice.
Hayden: I booked it three months ago
JJ: How did you know we’d get this far into the playoffs??
Hayden: It’s our. fucking. year.
Hayden: It’s a good bday present either way tho
Hayden: My boy is getting kneaded like sourdough and drinking a bunch of cucumber water or whatever he wants
JJ: Oh shit there is a girl
JJ: She is hot and trying to give him free honey
Hayden: Stay there forever
Hayden: The team will understand
JJ: How can Cap have no game? 😩
JJ: It is good he does not play football for how badly he fumbles
Hayden: Don’t push him on it tho!
Hayden: He’ll stop talking to us about it
Hayden: Again
JJ: The girl has deployed her final weapon
JJ: There is a puppy
JJ: Shane is going crazy
JJ: Okay what if I keep the blu ray player and get him this dog instead
Hayden: Like how enthusiastic
JJ: I did not think he would be a dog person
JJ: He is letting it lick his mouth
Hayden: No…..
Hayden: We shouldn’t
JJ: This is how he gets amour!!!
JJ: He does not need to talk if he has an animal
Hayden: But who takes care of it while he’s gone?
JJ: The dog walker who he eventually falls in love with, obviously
JJ: Have you seen any movie ever?
Hayden: Dude I love a chick flick as much as the next guy but that stuff doesn’t happen in real life
JJ: I got a blowjob from my hairstylist
Hayden: That is NOT the same and you know it!
Hayden: Come on, just get him over here
Hayden: I did not buy the fancy ginger ale just for him not to show up
JJ: IN the chair, Hayd

Today 2:16 PM
Mom
We’re still just 8 for dinner tonight?
Shane: Yeah, Hayd says Ruby is sick but to say hi to Baba.
Dad
She’s so excited
I think she’s going to ask for your autograph
Shane: Oh, come on. You guys said not a big thing.
Mom
It’s not every day you have dinner with a TWO TIME Cup winner, sweetie!
So no Hayden & Co. And no one else?
Shane: Nope!
Shane: Pretty sure they won’t let the Cup out to come have dinner with me 😂
Dad
Maybe you’ll meet a nice Mug
or even a Glass, you know we’re very open minded
Shane: And cheat on my beautiful Cup wife?
Shane: Not the kind of two timer I want to be
Mom
Well, it’s good to have variety in your life
Dad
Your Mom and I have known many a Goblet, in fact
Shane: Ew, I don’t like this joke anymore
Dad
You see, Shane, when you’re older you’ll wish you’d not been so stingy with your drinkware…
Shane: I’m not sitting next to either of you at dinner
Mom
And you shouldn’t! You should sit with Aimee. You two haven’t seen each other in years
Shane: I’m pretty sure she gave me my first concussion
Mom
To be fair, sweetie, you did knock out her first tooth
Shane: It was a baby tooth!
Mom
There’s actually some news about Aimee!
So we were told she’s bringing someone
Shane: Jamie, right? You made fun of the rhyming
Mom
I wasn’t making fun!
Dad
You were amused
Mom
I wasn’t making fun!!! It’s good for her to finally be settling down
Shane: Are they getting engaged or something?
Mom
No
I mean, not that I know of
Jamie is a man, though!
Shane: …That’s the news?
Dad
It’s news to us!
Shane: You thought Aimee was gay?
Mom
Well, I’ve just never heard about her with anyone, and she was always very into sports with you as a kid
When she moved to Toronto, we just assumed!
Dad
She asked for a Tracy Chapman vinyl for her 8th birthday
Mom
There’s nothing wrong with it, sweetie. Gay, straight, whatever! I’m just glad she’s in town!
Shane: She could be bisexual
Dad
I think I know what that means
Shane: It’s when you like men and women.
Dad
I think that was a crossword answer the other day. I’ll have to go back and look
Mom
Bisexual sounds good too!
Well, it sounds complicated, honestly, but whatever makes people happy!
Maybe you can talk to her about it
Shane: I’m not going to ask my cousin that I haven’t seen in five years why she’s with a man
Mom
You don’t have to put it like that!
Shane: Mom pleeease can we just have a normal dinner
Shane: Maybe a little umeshu? For the celebration?
Mom
🥳We’ll have the waiter pour yours first
If your Baba gets her hands on the bottle, there won’t be any for the rest of us
Shane: 😂

Today 12:15 AM
Bea
It’s summer!!!! I have 2 weeks off from work!!! I have had 2 glasses of wine!!!!
And Miity asked me my favorite part about him and he was offended when I said his legs!!!!
He has incredible legs
Like a statue
He could stand there all day and I would just look at him
I started buying him shorter shorts just so I could see more of his thighs
Carine
You are so precious
Jackie
Hayd loves when I talk about his legs but he sort of loves when I talk about him in general
Carine
My favorite part of JJ is his fat ass smile
Jackie
Secret sap alert!
Carine
You thought I was gunna say his fat ass
That too
But God, I make myself a fool trying to get him to smile
Bea
I’m actually crying
Carine
That man can make the sun rise at midnight
Jackie
Okay now I’M crying
Nicole
If nobody’s going to say cock, I’ll step up like the leader I am
Jackie
Hey! How did your mom’s procedure go?
Nicole
It went fine don’t change the subject.
It’s like his cock was made for me specially
Carine
JJ’s is like almost too pretty sometimes
Bea
Miity is so big
Jackie
Oh my God, this whole time all we had to do is get you wine tipsy???
Carine
It’s always the day drinkers…
Bea
Don’t be meeeeeean to meeeeeee
Jackie what’s your favorite part of Hayden
Jackie
He’s the father of my children, babes, and I only get 1?
Bea
Duh
Jackie
Then I have to say his cute butt
Have you seen him in jeans???
Carine
He does have a very cute butt.
Bea
He does
Nicole
He does
Today 4:35 AM
Lily: my best part of shane
Lily: is definitely his little stars
Lily: on his face the little stars i draw kiss shapes in between
Lily: what is word
Lily: they will name star shapes after Shane Hollander he is such good hockey player
Lily: and i will get to look up at him every night
Lily: and the rest of his face
Lily: and his tits no one has tits like him
Lily: his arms
Lily: incredible backhand
Today 5:01 AM
Lily: does anyone know how to do liver exchange mine is broken
Bea
Oh my god 🤭

Today 3:46 PM
Lily: why do you only ask to sext me when you are being pranked
Jane: That was literally one time, years ago
Jane: Which Hayden has apologized for
Lily: real apology happens down on his knees
Jane: ???????
Jane: He’s literally married and my BEST FRIEND. Why are you so weird??
Lily: you are weird one
Lily: friends fuck all the time it is not end of world
Lily: is like
Lily: hockey
Jane: hockey
Lily: yes. fun thing with hot people. good for cardio
Jane: You’re unbelievable
Lily: anyways i didn’t mean pike gives you blowjob
Lily: he does not deserve to see you like that
Jane: Oh yeah?
Jane: and you think you do?
Lily: who sucked your dick in the first place???
Jane: You cannot use memes to sext me
Lily: are we sexting?
Lily: is your idea of sexting? being rude to first person who sucked your dick until you squealed?
Jane: You don’t know that
Lily: i know this
Lily: tell me i am wrong. tell me how you come down someone else’s throat
Jane: shut up
Lily: now i think you owe me apology
Lily: i will accept on your knees
Jane: I have to leave for practice
Jane: I dont have time to stroke your ego today
Lily: had time to stroke my dick last night
Jane: Well, that didn’t take long
Lily: wow
Lily: clearly i did not fuck you hard enough if you are still being such a brat
Lily: should not have let you convince me to do face to face
Lily: should have bred you like bitch in heat
Lily: i will not be so nice next time, i think
Jane: You like doing what I want
Lily: maybe
Lily: but you will be face down and crying every time we fuck until you grovel for my mercy
Jane: who taught you grovel
Lily: your dad 😩
Jane: Jesus Christ I can’t fucking talk to you
Lily: congratulations on your new cup

Today 8:47 PM
Jane: So what if I did want to sext
Lily: what are you wearing
Jane: jesus christ
Jane: really?
Lily: hmm let me guess boring t shirt and boring nike pants and boring reeboks
Jane: I just got home from practice, actually
Jane: Just got out of the shower
Lily: hmmm just got home from practice or just got out of shower?
Lily: which is it?
Jane: shower, I guess
Jane: Are you interrogating me now?
Lily: yes
Lily: will use my handcuffs if you are unruly 😜
Jane: You have handcuffs????
Lily: yes, for naughty boys who can’t behave
Lily: you are so sweet for me though
Lily: i have never needed them
Jane: Fuck you
Jane: I could probably break out of whatever shitty plastic things you got at a sex shop
Lily: mmm yes you are strong
Lily: need something stronger for you then?
Lily: i think you would like rope
Lily: or maybe just my hands
Lily: you like when i hold you down and make you take it
Lily: are you touching yourself?
Jane: Not yet
Jane: Just my chest
Lily: that sounds like yes. maybe try again
Jane: yes I’m touching my chest
Jane: like how you do it
Lily: i love your tits
Lily: perfect handful and makes you so hard
Lily: are you hard?
Jane: Fuck yes
Lily: you want to touch your dick or your hole?
Jane: I only get one?
Lily: that’s right
Lily: you want to be good for me? pick one
Lily: Jane
Jane: my hole
Lily: good
Lily: have you ever come just from playing with your hole?
Jane: I wouldn’t really categorize it as playing
Lily: oh excuse me Mr. dictionary
Lily: you ever come just from fucking your slutty fingers into your needy little hole?
Jane: Fuck you
Jane: no I haven’t
Jane: but I have something else here
Lily: fuckkkkk you have your dildo?
Lily: is blue, yes?
Jane: I’m not telling you
Lily: i am so upset 😩
Lily: you have never let me play with it
Lily: is sex toy so you should let me play with it with you
Lily: both of you such good toys for me
Jane: we see each other like four times a year. Why would I waste the opportunity by letting you fuck me with a dildo?
Lily: always so impatient 😘
Lily: maybe i have you ride it while you suck me
Lily: ever think of that???
Lily: plenty of time to fuck you after i feel you moaning
Jane: okay well
Jane: anyway its not that one
Jane: I got a new one. A vibrator
Lily: you are trying to make me come first, yes?
Lily: fuck, everyone is right about you they just do not know why
Lily: they say oh so hockey smart
Lily: but i think here you are smarter
Jane: are you calling me a sex genius?
Lily: genius is good word yes
Lily: you come on that vibrator and i will call you whatever you want
Jane: okay I have to prep
Lily: one hand free for me
Jane: Its hard to type with just one
Lily: then you will have to go slow
Lily: but you will tell me
Jane: okay Im putting in one
Lily: two
Jane: fuck you Im putting in one
Lily: brat
Jane: and what are you doing???
Lily: im stroking myself
Lily: thinking about your pretty hole
Lily: and how it can take two fingers
Jane: asshole
Lily: yes your asshole
Jane: no
Jane: fukc you
Jane: two
Lily: so good
Lily: look so pretty with your hole stuffed
Jane: usually just do two when Im alone
Lily: just enough to press your slut spot
Jane: fuck you you know its not called that
Lily: but it makes you so slutty
Lily: makes you whine for it
Lily: you clench around me when i touch it
Jane: three
Lily: how big is this vibrator?
Lily: four?
Jane: Ill try in a aecond
Lily: you turn it on while you put it in
Lily: not a question
Jane: No its harder like that
Lily: because it feel too good?
Jane: yeah
Jane: it feels really good
Lily: okay you can keep it off
Lily: because i am nice
Jane: Thank you
Lily: fuck im so hard
Lily: you should see the way my dick leaks when you say that
Jane: fuck. I think Im ready
Lily: so quick so desperate
Jane: Shut up
Lily: put it in
Lily: and then we turn it on
Jane: we
Lily: i make you turn it on
Lily: better?
Jane: I see what you mean
Jane: It would be easier if you were here to do it for me
Lily: cannot do everythhing for you
Lily: cannot win against the Hurricanes for you 😜
Jane: Fuck you jesus christ if you talk about hockey again rn I’m blocking your number
Lily: who wants to talk about hockey when you are sitting on vibrator for me?
Lily: in?
Jane: Yeah
Jane: fuck it’s in
Lily: feel good?
Jane: It’s not soft like you
Lily: never have i been soft around you, i think
Jane: No I mean
Jane: fuck
Jane: It’s really firm
Jane: Not warm like you
Lily: ah yes i think you mean to send message:
Lily: your cock is best ever i get such fancy toys with my millions sponsorships and still you are better
Jane: your grammar gets worse when you sext
Lily: and somehow you are same amount boring
Jane: No I mean it’s kind of hot
Lily: turn it on
Lily: did you?
Jane: yeah
Jane: fuck it feels good
Jane: It’s not gunna take long
Lily: i will wait
Lily: think of me watching
Lily: think of me waiting until you come, and then i fuck you
Lily: so sensitive
Lily: two in one hour, we’ve tested this
Lily: fuck
Lily: almost came thinking about you and your fancy vibrator
Jane: oh my God
Lily: yeah?
Jane: Yeah jesus fucking Christ that was
Jane: intense
Jane: different than usual
Lily: still like mine better?
Jane: That sounded good what you said earlier
Lily: what?
Jane: Maybe I should let you use it on me
Jane: As long as we can still do like other stuff
Lily: yes fuck we will do this
Jane: I have to make sure I don’t have a game the next day
Jane: I don’t want to be skating weird
Jane: Yeah?
Lily: you want response from dead man?
Lily: you are my murderer, and you speak to me?
Lily: this was plan all along yes
Lily: so that you will win in Boston
Jane: I don’t need to honey trap you to win
Lily: i will look that up
Lily: does not matter though
Lily: i think i will send you picture
Lily: right before game
Lily: i take it now and show you what you do to me
Jane: Because you need dirty tricks to win
Lily: dirty tricks i have plenty 😜
Jane: You can do it
Jane: It won’t work
Lily: you see, is not dirty trick for game
Lily: it is dirty trick for now
Lily: you want picture yes?
Jane: Fuck you
Lily: you were being so good for me
Jane: Isn’t that the point of sexting?
Jane: Of course I want it
Lily: there we go
Lily: you came so hard just for dirty words though
Lily: sexting is fun yes?
Jane: I can see the appeal
Jane: But it’s not as fun as in person
Lily: yes 😘
Lily: see you in three days
Lily: you come to my house, and i give you reward for being so good
Jane: Your house? Wow, I finally get to see the evil lair
Lily: i will keep you in the dungeon
Jane: I thought I was getting a reward??
Lily: many kinds of dungeon 😘

Today 10:11 AM
Lily has left the chat.
 

Today 9:05 PM
Browne: Roz wants to go out. Should I text the group?
Marleau: fucking
Marleau: NO
Marleau: did you hear the shit Varkov was saying?
Browne: Well, it was in Russian, so….
Marleau: well idk either but Roz looked like he wanted bite someone
Browne: Shit game
Marleau: shit game
Marleau: i understand why he wants consolation pussy after that
Marleau: and it's not even like we bent over for the Metros they ALSO played like shit
Browne: Aren't things like bad for Roz rn like with his dad and stuff?
Marleau: he doesn't like to talk about it
Marleau: and i don't fucking ask
Browne: So we enable him to drown his sorrows?
Marleau: fucking hopefully 😜
Browne: I'm texting Feller
Marleau: Feller is fine but jesus christ do not text the group
Marleau: they’re probably going to go somewhere lame anyway
Browne: Do you know any good bars in Montreal?
Marleau: it was a shutout, connie boy
Marleau: we’re not going to some pansy bar
Marleau: we’re going to a fucking club
Browne: Okayyyy so?
Marleau: there’s this new place people have been talking about, apparently
Marleau: really exclusive, high cover, all that shit
Marleau: last time i went to a club in montreal i got literally slapped by this girl i was dancing with bc we fucking demolished them that night
Marleau: how many chicks do you think i can get to slap me if i say i’m a Raider
Browne: How many do you want???
Marleau: don’t be weird it’s not a sex thing
Browne: I literally didn’t say it was
Marleau: it’s just funny how mad they get
Marleau: i mean yeah Boston loves us and hockey, but canadians are something else
Browne: You basically want to be a sitcom character, but instead of a catchphrase, women just come and slap you
Marleau: that’d be pretty fucking hilarious don’t lie
Browne: It sounds like a sex thing though
Marleau: i would also accept slaps from men i guess
Marleau: no wait i take it back that makes it sound like more of a sex thing
Browne: So what’s this club?
Marleau: it’s called Ciel
Browne: Is that French?
Marleau: how the fuck would i know
Browne: Isn’t your name French?
Marleau: i’m from louisiana
Marleau: well i’m ready to go what’s Roz doing?
Browne: primping
Marleau: 🙄 i’m gunna come over
Browne: jsyk he’s probably gonna yell at you
Marleau: well you know what they say
Marleau: a bitch always bites
Browne: Whatever dude
Browne: 388 just past the vending machines
Marleau: oh sweet Roz loves to raid the machines
Browne: Damn a snickers sounds really good rn
Marleau: Just don't let him get the peanut m&ms
Marleau: he's allergic
Browne: He's gonna try to kill himself???
Marleau: no you idiot
Marleau: he's not like deathly allergic but it makes his ears itch or whatever
Marleau: he's a fucking fiend for them tho you have to watch him
Browne: You want anything?
Marleau: i'll take some Skittles if they have em
Marleau: they're my post shit game comfort food
Browne: God, what a shit game
Marleau: what a shit game

Yesterday 3:55 PM
Hayden:I’m sorry you and Shane didn’t work out
Lily: what the actual fuck is your brain damage
Hayden:I’ve actually only had 1 concussion, thank you, and I guess it is to blame for me feeling sorry for someone like you
Lily: do not text me again
Yesterday 11:12 PM
Lily: is he happy?
Today 7:59 AM
Hayden:I knew you weren’t a heartless bitch
Lily: heart is not mine
Lily: i stole it from tiny child
Hayden:yeah, whatever
Hayden:it’s hard to tell with Shane
Lily: no it is not
Hayden:Sorry, miss Shane savant, but it is
Hayden:He just has a lot of walls that he doesn’t even realize
Hayden:He says stuff sometimes just cause he thinks he should
Lily: this is true
Hayden:He talks about her all the time. I think he does like her
Hayden:It’s just not like it was
Hayden:You know
Hayden:And there’s the whole famous thing
Hayden:You’d think a guy in so many advertisements wouldn’t mind a few cameras
Lily: is controlled environment
Lily: paparazzi are evil beasts
Lily: very unpredictable
Hayden:He always says his face looks stupid
Lily: they both do
Hayden:Ooooh here come the real claws 🙀
Lily: everyone looks bad in paparazzi photos
Hayden:Whatever
Hayden:Listen, Jackie said you left the WAGs chat
Hayden:You know they’re probably not going to get THE rose landry in the chat, at least for a while, right?
Lily: don’t worry your stupid tiny brain over it
Lily: i only join WAG chat to get revenge on you
Lily: shane and I were never really together
Lily: so it is no issue
Hayden:Never really together????
Hayden:The team has a shared google photo album that’s just titled “shane smiling at his phone (lily)”
Hayden:We were having a competition to see who could get to 50 first. Winner was going to get to show Shane
Lily: goodbye, pike

Today 11:24 AM
Roz:what if I got a dog
Marly: like what kind
Roz:like kind that wags tail and bark???
Marly: dude you know there’s more than one kind of dog
Marly: small dog medium dog big dog
Marly: you should get a chihuahua
Marly: don’t look it up just trust me
Roz:🖕i am getting one now
Roz:i will bring it to practice and let it stare at you with big wet eyes
Marly: what’ll you do with it when you’re gone?
Roz:i don’t know
Roz:is stupid idea mostly but would be nice
Marly: just get a girlfriend with a dog
Roz:would be loss to women everywhere
Roz:who is going to show New York a good time since Admirals are incapable?
Marly: then why didn’t you come out with us last week?
Roz:i told you
Roz:i have friend in New York
Marly: like you have a “friend” in montreal?
Roz:i am liking idea of dog more
Roz:i can train her to bite you
Marly: whatever dude
Marly: but no skipping team movie night i can’t believe you haven’t seen fast and furious yet
Roz:does it have dogs
Marly: no
Marly: it does not have dogs
Roz:maybe i am busy
Marly: what if i get Newman to bring his beagle
Roz:maybe i am not busy
Marly: you are such a bitch
Roz:ha you use this because is dog word, yes?
Marly: i use it because it’s true, roz
Roz:woof 🐶
Marly: but don’t get a dog because your Montreal girl broke up with you
Marly: you will regret the commitment, trust me
Roz:i regret having your number
Marly: 🖕🍩
Marly: at least wait until after all stars
Marly: i am NOT taking care of a dog for you for the weekend
Roz:once you see big wet eyes you will fold like poker night
Marly: roz i can’t tell if you’re joking
Roz:🤡
Roz:“a clown never jokes”
Roz:-ancient russian phrase
Marly: i’m not trusting you about russian shit after last time
Roz:that girl was not that hot
Roz:and she did not hit you that hard
Roz:besides, little birdie tells me maybe you like that sort of thing
Marly: get fucked
Roz:always do 😩
Roz:unlike you

Nov 10 11:30 PM
Miles: 🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🫡🫡🫡👀
Rose: Shut up he’s just shy
Miles: 🚪
Rose: I’ll have you know he kissed me goodnight literally the first night we met
Rose: Literally couldn’t wait to kiss me
Miles: 🙉🙈🙊
Rose: If he's gay it’s your fault now cause you jinxed it
Miles: 🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳
Nov 21 6:46 PM
Miles: 🤤🫳🏿🍰
Rose: He looks fucking spectacular in those pads right
Miles: 🏒💦💦💦
Nov 29 10:01 PM
Miles: ✅ Insta
Dec 1 11:51 PM
Rose: Check Snapchatttttttt don’t let our streak die
Miles: 🔥🔥🔥
Dec 5 7:02 PM
Rose: Come out with us later!
Miles: 🫡💃💃🪩💄💋🪩🪩🍾
Dec 6 1:12 AM
Miles: 🤣
Rose: …. what?
Miles: 🤣🥹😂😂😂🤣
Miles: 🏳️‍🌈💯
Rose: what if I'm not his type?
Miles: 🕵🏿🫳🏿🍰
Rose: If he wasn’t into it at Ciel, I don’t think he’d appreciate that
Miles: 🥲🥲🥲🥲🥲🥲🥲🥲🥲
Miles: 💃🕺🏻🕺🏿
Miles: 💃💨🕺🏿
Miles: 💃 🕺🏿
Miles: 💜🖤🤍❓🤨
Rose: I’m so over trying to guess uggghhhhhhh. Whatever the issue is, I owe it to him to just talk to him
Miles: 🥱
Rose: I’m gunna have dinner with him later this week and tell him it’s just not working. I don’t know if anyone’s ever told him he doesn’t have to keep trying when he’s miserable
Rose: I don’t know if he knows he’s miserable
Miles: 😔❌🍆➡️🌸❌
Rose: 🤦‍♀️
Miles: 🕰️❓
Rose: I’ll let you know when
Miles: 🍦🍪🍩🧁🍭🍫🍫🍬🍮❓
Rose: oh def the flan
Rose: idk I just really want to stay friends with him
Miles: 👀🍬
Rose: I just like talking to him 😭
Miles: 🥱🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂

Today 2:30 PM
Ilya: што означает compatible?
Svetlana: https://www.google.com
Ilya: 🥺
Svetlana: Сочетание. Когда части стандартизованы и работают вместе, типа в электронике
Svetlana: Complementary
Ilya: a между людьми?
Svetlana: https://www.pornhub.com
Ilya: это про Jane
Svetlana: Если о людях то обычно про сексуальную совместимость. И про прочую нудь
Svetlana: Так что с Jane?

Today 6:15 AM
Lily: you left this
Lily: seems very important
Lily: when should i get back to you?
Jane: Oh my god I can’t believe I left that
Jane: I’m so glad you found it
Jane: We have a game against each other in a few weeks
Jane: Could you bring it then?
Lily: i do not want to lose it carrying to the game
Lily: i should bring it straight to your house
Jane: Of course. How stupid of me
Jane: Should I have this ready for you?
Lily: have what?
Jane: Fuck me the picture won’t send
Jane: TPA fucking sucks oh my God
Lily: you are taking pictures in airport?
Lily: who are you what have you done with beautiful Jane
Jane: I’m not taking pictures in the airport
Jane: I have some already
Jane: In my hidden photos
Lily: how
Lily: many
Jane: Wouldn’t you like to know?
Lily: yes is why i asked
Jane: Don’t you want to know what the picture was?
Lily: i was getting to this
Lily: you do not answer my first question
Lily: you have album full of slutty pictures i never see??
Jane: It’s not like full or anything
Jane: Just a few
Lily: ok
Lily: so next time, i will fuck you while you show me slutty pictures
Jane: Don’t be weird
Lily: you will not send me, so i must see them other time
Lily: like when you are on my cock
Lily: i will ask you what you were thinking when taking picture
Lily: i will fuck you slow and deep until you tell me
Lily: then maybe i fuck you hard
Lily: as reward
Jane: Jesus Christ
Jane: It’s like five pictures, okay?
Lily: better be more in 1 week 😘
Lily: i will fuck you for as long as it takes to look at every single one
Jane: Promise?
Lily: i swear on the New Yorker
Jane: You think the New Yorker is boring
Jane: Swear on something else
Lily: i swear on your perfect ass since is what i will be ruining
Jane: The Metros might wear you out when we beat you
Jane: You might not be up for it
Lily: are you hard in the airport right now?
Jane: I have my backpack over my lap
Lily: is yes or no question
Jane: Yes
Lily: put on your headphones
Lily: i will call and you will hear just how up for it i am
Lily: even after Raiders send you crying
Jane: okay
Jane: Done

Today 12:27 PM
Jane: Good morning!
Lily: is not morning
Jane: The time difference is 8 hours isn’t it?
Lily: 8 the other way ❤️
Lily: is good you are so pretty
Jane: Shut up
Jane: Good evening then
Lily: what are you scott hunter? 800 years old?
Jane: Bad evening
Lily: kitten claws so cute
Lily: you are hot when you are mean 🥰
Lily: do some more
Jane: What?
Lily: is simple ask
Jane: You’re insane
Lily: 😩💦harder
Jane: Your slapshot isn’t as accurate as it was two seasons ago
Lily: 😨
Lily: too hard
Lily: how could you do this to me i am in mourning
Jane: Fuck I’m sorry
Lily: is joke
Jane: I really can’t tell
Lily: is funny!
Jane: Family deaths are not super funny to me!
Jane: If you want to sext, can’t we just sext normally?
Jane: 🥺
Lily: oh so you are using emoji now
Lily: that is good emoji for you
Lily: you look like this when you are begging me to touch you
Jane: I use emojis!
Lily: 😑
Jane: Right. Sorry
Jane: 🥺
Lily: 😘
Lily: what a sweet face
Lily: miss seeing it
Jane: We facetimed yesterday
Lily: yes and you had your slutty glasses
Jane: How can glasses be slutty?
Lily: you have seen librarian?
Jane: I’ve definitely been in more libraries than you
Lily: and i have seen more porn
Lily: librarians are better there
Lily: very slutty glasses
Jane: I could get some of those
Lily: slutty librarian glasses??
Lily: do not tease me
Lily: i will pick some out
Jane: Let me know if you send stuff to my place. Packages are weird when I’m on the road
Lily: you
Lily: will let me send you things?
Jane: Wait no
Lily: i am making list now
Lily: 1 - sluttier glasses
Lily: 2 - new (better) dildo
Lily: 3 - slutty outfit
Lily: 4 - coke
Lily: you never have america’s drink in fridge
Lily: 5 - good vodka
Jane: Don’t insult my dildo! You haven’t even seen it
Lily: and whos fault is that 😒
Lily: you have had it since you were 18
Lily: i can get you a better one. i know this
Jane: I reserve veto rights for all list items
Lily: hm what is this word?
Lily: veto?
Lily: unfamiliar to me
Lily: expect packages in 3-5 business days
Jane: You already ordered them???
Jane: That fucking fast??
Lily: i am decisive man
Jane: I’m out of town for two more weeks!
Lily: packages will not spoil
Jane: But I’ll need someone to take them inside you idiot!
Lily: you know plenty of people in montreal, yes?
Jane: I can’t have Jackie swing by and take your sex packages into my house!
Lily: she has xray vision? is fine do not worry
Lily: and then they will be waiting for you when you get home ❤️
Jane: What about when you get home?
Lily: i told you. will be back by end of week
Jane: No I mean
Jane: Fuck it
Jane: I have your address you can’t stop me
Lily: you will send me things?
Jane: There were these sunglasses I saw the other day. I thought they’d look good on you
Lily: 🥺
Jane: Is that bad???
Lily: no is very nice
Lily: very nice canadian boy i have buying me pretty things
Jane: Well you’re very pretty
Lily: maybe
Lily: pretty enough to facetime for ten minutes?
Jane: maybe 😘

Yesterday 8:48 PM
Lily: are you okay?
Lily: hit looked very bad but you were speaking, yes?
Lily: i thought i heard you speaking
Lily: they would not tell me anything
Today 4:12 AM
Lily: no ice rinks in heaven
Lily: is very boring you would not like

Today 6:01 AM
Lily: which hospital
Pike: Montreal General, room 335. If you go in the south tower, you can cut over on the sky bridge on 7 and avoid the lobby.
Pike: You know. Visitor sign in
Pike: If you can get there before noon, his parents left for Ottawa for some of their stuff

Today 9:45 PM
Jane: I bet there are ice rinks in heaven
Jane: We could play on the same team all the time
Jane: And you can spit in my mouth when I score
Jane: And fuck me on all the faceoff dots
Lily: i thought you were getting off the oxys
Jane: How can you tell :(?
Lily: you get very horny when you are high
Jane: No I don't
Lily: you do not want me to spit in your mouth?
Jane: no
Lily: okay
Jane: I made my chest hurt
Lily: doing what
Jane: Guess ;)
Lily: 🙄
Lily: you should be resting, pervert
Jane: The album is getting really big now…
Jane: Like something else I know ;)
Lily: yes, gap between us in scoring race
Lily: you should not be looking at screens
Jane: My head is fucking fine
Lily: goodnight
Jane: Fuck you
Jane: Killjoy
Today 10:07 PM
Jane: At least my best friend still texts me

Today 9:58 PM
Shane: Heyyyyyyyyyyy
Shane: den
Hayden: Hi buddy
Hayden: How you doin?
Shane: Bored
Hayden: I wish we weren’t on the road. I’d come visit!
Hayden: You’re not looking for me though are you 😉How was your visitation?
Shane: I died?
Hayden: No dude I mean your 😉😉😉😉visitation
Hayden: Lily got through to your room at the hospital didn’t she?
Shane: oh Lily
Shane: You're not supposed to know about her
Shane: it was great though
Hayden: I bet it was 😜
Shane: I was in the hospital nothing happened
Shane: The nurse came in anyways :(
Hayden: Did Rozanov really visit you too?
Shane: Yep
Shane: At a completely different time
Hayden: Good. He can’t meet her before I do are you kidding?
Hayden: I thought I would meet her maybe. Like maybe she’d stick around?
Shane: Privacy
Hayden: Yep you value your privacy I get it. You know I would never get down on you for anything about her right? She could be a Victoria’s Secret model or the espresso girl at Tim Hortons it’s all the same to me if it’s all the same to you, yeah?
Shane: Okay well she’s ignoring me now
Hayden: What?? Dude that’s cold. You’re injured!
Shane: I know
Shane: SO mean
Shane: If i tell you something will you promise not to tell anyone even Jackie?
Hayden: About Lily?
Shane: Yeah
Hayden: I swear on my fucking newborn
Shane: She plays hockey :)
Hayden: Lily plays hockey???
Shane: Yeah
Shane: She’s really great at it. The best maybe
Shane: Maybe better than me
Hayden: Well that’s not possible but wow
Hayden: Is she with the CWHL? I thought she’s from Boston?
Shane: The NWHL was formed two years ago
Hayden: Damn I should keep track of that better
Hayden: They have a team in Boston!
Hayden: A team that won their Cup
Shane: Privacy!!!!
Hayden: Shit
Hayden: Are you supposed to be looking at screens?
Shane: You’re not my fucking mother
Hayden: You only get pissy when you’re guilty
Hayden: God damn it
Hayden: Get off your phone!!!

Today 10:08 PM
Lily: stop texting him
Pike: What?
Lily: did you also get hit in the head? he is on screen rest still
Pike: Oh fuck me
Pike: I totally forgot
Pike: That sneaky fucker
Today 10:37 PM
Pike: So Shane told me something
Lily: is lie
Pike: Would you happen to be Hilary Knight?
Lily: you think I am top goal scorer for Boston Pride?
Pike: Shane told me you play hockey
Pike: And that you’re good
Pike: And well… Lily…. Hilary…
Lily: shane is high and fucking with you
Pike: Seriously?
Pike: He doesn’t do that
Lily: before the first time we fucked he told me his dick was 8 inches
Lily: he is liar
Pike: Okay I seriously don’t need to know any of that
Lily: is bigger 😜
Pike: After watching a few of her game interviews, I’ve concluded you cannot possibly be Hilary Knight. This woman seems like she has a lot of class
Pike: and to be clear, you don’t
Lily: who needs class when i have shane hollander’s dick
Pike: 🙃who indeed

Today 7:05 PM
Jackie: FMK last 3 Cup Captains
Nicole
Boring
Bea
Are you counting this year?
Nicole
No they haven’t fucking won yet
Jackie: Yes, Scott Hunter is hot
Nicole
If anyone says anything other than Marry Shane, fuck Hunter, and kill Rozanov, we are legally obligated to kick you out of the chat
Jackie: IDK maybe fuck Rozanov?
Nicole
You just said Hunter is hot!!
Jackie: Yeah well it’s supposed to be a hard choice, right?
Nicole
It’s not!! wtf???
I’m telling Hayden
Bea
How heavy do you think the Cup is? They kinda just skate around with it huh
I bet I could lift it
Jackie: Look, Rozanov is a ladies’ man. I bet he could show you one wild night
Nicole
You have no concept of The Enemy
Jackie: Well sorryyyy Sun Tzu
Jackie: You pick a category then
Bea
GUYS
GUYS IS HE DOING WHAT I THINK HE’S DOING
Jackie: Is that his brother or something?
Nicole
Who’s the twink?
Bea
OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Jackie: Oh my God
Bea
SCOTT HUNTER IS GAY????
Jackie: Wow I guess so
Jackie: I don’t think he’s even in my top ten for potentials in the league
Bea
Well, he’s from New York, so!
Jackie: So he’s gay because of New York?
Jackie: Wow the guy’s really cute too
Jackie: Good for Hunter
Bea
No I mean I’m just saying!!! NY has all kinds, right?
Jackie: Everywhere has all kinds
Bea
Well sure but like especially big cities
Jackie: Gayness doesn’t scale with population density
Bea
But I’d never seen a gay person until I got to Montreal
I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with it!!!!
Jackie: You definitely saw a gay person before you were 25
Jackie: You just didn’t know it
Nicole
they look so happy
Jackie: They should be
Bea
Of course they are!!!!!
Jackie: A Cup, they’re out of the closet
Jackie: Wow. Scott Hunter
Jackie: Hayden’s just sitting in shock
Bea
Miity thinks next year is going to be hard for Scott
Wait, would they kick him off as Captain???
Can they do that??
Jackie: I don’t think they would
Jackie: They can, but I don’t think they would
Jackie: It would be really bad PR
Jackie: Like I don’t care what the Americans think. It would be bad
Bea
I wonder if this will get more gay people into hockey 🤔
Jackie: There are already gay people into hockey
Bea
Yeah but there can always be more!!!!
Jackie: I wonder if any other guys in the league will come out after this
Bea
Oh I can’t wait for Pride Night next year!!!
I bet it’ll be so much fun!!!
Jackie: I should draft up something for Hayden’s socials
Bea
Oh yeah Miity should talk to his agent!

Today 9:42 PM
Carter: Was Rozanov being rude?
Scott: Isn’t he always?
Carter: Cap, just say the word
Carter: I’ll knock out the rest of his teeth
Carter: He’ll be wearing dentures before he’s 30
Scott: No, he wasn’t being rude like that.
Scott: He actually congratulated me?
Scott: Well I mean he was an asshole about getting the Cup before me, but then he was kind of nice
Carter: Weeeeeeird
Carter: Did you check his neck for an X?
Scott: I should have
Carter: You don’t think…???
Scott: Rozanov?
Scott: Are you serious?
Carter: He’s really fashionable
Scott: Yeah and I dress like shit what’s your point
Carter: You’d dress like nicer shit if you let Kip’s friends take you shopping
Scott: Well
Scott: His friends scare me
Carter: They’re literally so nice?
Scott: Yeah of course they are it’s just like they’re real gay people
Carter: You’re.. intimidated?
Scott: They’ve been gay longer than I have!
Carter: Dude I’m definitiely sure it doesn’t work like that
Carter: And you’re older than all of them combined so…
Scott: Shut the fuck up you asshole
Scott: Rozanov isn’t like that though, is he?
Scott: He’s just like Russia intimidating
Scott: You’re the instagram stalker. How many women has he posted over the years?
Carter: I mean he’s been posting less lately
Carter: but you’re right
Carter: There’s no way
Carter: I’d be able to tell
Scott: Haha what?
Carter: I have great gaydar dude. I’m from Hartford
Scott: I didn’t know that. Why did I always think you were from NY?
Carter: I moved in w some family on Staten Island when I was 15 to train
Scott: I didn’t know they had civilized things like hockey rinks in Staten Island
Carter: 🖕 There was one kind of close by but it always closes early
Carter: so I always ran all over trying to find the ones that were open
Carter: The ferry guy loved me
Today 10:23 PM
Scott: So… 😅
Carter: Yeah dude
Scott: Really?
Carter: Yeah why do you think I was always deflecting when ppl asked you about women
Carter: You looked like you wanted to die and I need you around, Cap
Scott: The whole time?
Carter: Do you remember when O’Driskell was going after that new kid for liking margaritas or whatever?
Scott: Billy Baker
Carter: Yeah Baker!
Carter: Anyways you made Drisk do bag skates for like three practices
Carter: You put up with it for yourself but you never let anyone else catch shit
Carter: It wasn’t like obvious or anything but I noticed
Scott: That was literally right after you were traded to the Admirals
Carter: Yeah I know
Scott: That should freak me out I think
Scott: But it doesn’t
Scott: Weird
Carter: It’s called being happy, Cap. You’re going to have to get used to it
Scott: You sound like my husband
Scott: My BOYFRIEND
Scott: My boyfriend
Scott: Kip
Carter: Have you been consulting Beyonce??
Scott: I don’t think I’m gay enough yet to know what that means
Carter: When does that joke get old
Scott: I’m actually still having fun with it
Carter: We have to talk about your playlists
Carter: But we have to talk about this first!!
Scott: So we should definitely try Eklund on left wing next year
Carter: Are you putting a ring on it??
Carter: You can’t leave me hanging
Carter: Cap cmon
Carter: If you haven’t already gone shopping, take me with you when you do I have a really good eye
Scott: Of course you do

Today 11:17 AM
Jane: Have you landed?
Lily: 1 hr 28 mins exactly
Jane: What?
Lily: that is listed time on flight. that is how long it took for you to text.
Jane: Fuck off answer my question
Lily: no we are descending
Lily: strong headwind or something who knows
Lily: maybe airline is cockblocking
Lily: they know you are needy
Jane: Did you check a bag?
Lily: what am i the queen?
Jane: Two weeks is a long time for just a carry on!
Jane: You are staying the two weeks right?
Lily: ah my bad i forgot
Jane: What?
Lily: i forgot you cannot read you only know hockey :(
Lily: i already shared my flights with you
Lily: you know when i am leaving
Jane: Oh right
Jane: Shut up
Lily: if you want me out before, maybe difficult
Lily: i hear cottage is very nice maybe i like it too much
Jane: I hope you do
Jane: I’m waiting by door H
Jane: Parked
Today 11:35 AM
Lily: sorry they only have old ladies in ottawa, yes?
Lily: had to help three women with their bags
Lily: did not expect to work so hard before i even get to your ass 👅
Jane: You are such a showoff
Lily: you like it
Jane: Door H
Jane: Go around baggage claim to the far wall

June 22 10:00 AM
Rose: Hey are you at your cottage??
June 22 2:34 PM
Shane: Yeah!
Rose: omg I could have sworn I saw you this mornjng
Rose: You’re sure this isn’t you??
June 24 6:18 PM
Rose: How are things going with your fake ass silent retreat??
June 24 10:25 PM
Rose: Wow okay who’s the dick
June 25 7:56 AM
Shane: What do you mean?
June 25 9:01 AM
Rose: Let’s play a game
Rose: Called Who’s Dicking Down Shane Hollander?
Shane: I don’t know what you’re talking about!
Rose: Babe you answer me more during the season than you have in the last 4 days
Rose: When you’re supposedly ALONE not doing shit
Shane: I’m doing things
Rose: More like WHO
Shane: That doesn’t really make sense
Rose: It does make sense I’m basically Irene Addler
Rose: 🔍🔍🔍
Rose: Admit your ho phase
Shane: Is ho with an e or not an e?
Rose: I do not an e
Shane: Ho ho ho
Rose: Omg didn’t your mother teach you to speak kindly to women
Shane: I wasn’t aware I was speaking to a woman
Shane: Thought I was speaking to a ho
Rose: Oh my god
Rose: What a bitch
Rose: I’m so proud rn
Rose: I’m actually tearing up
Rose: You can’t fucking distract me though
Rose: I won’t be bamboozled
Rose: You have a peg for that round round hole
Shane: Can we go back to you being embarassed about that metaphor
Rose: Regret meeting me yet? 😇
Shane: Never
Shane: Okay I might have someone here
Rose: SHANE
Rose: FORREAL FORREAL?
Shane: I can’t say anything about it
Shane: I mean I’m not ready or anything
Rose: …NDA behavior
Shane: It’s not like that!
Shane: It’s just I mean
Shane: I think you know how long it’s taken to get here
Shane: I just want to enjoy this for a while
Shane: No new variables
Rose: Of course babe ❤️
Rose: Whenever you’re ready, I promise to be the least confounding variable possible
Shane: Thanks ❤️
Shane: And sorry for not texting more
Shane: I’m pretty busy 😳
Rose: THE FUCKING BLUSHY FACE ARE YOU KIDDING ME
Rose: I WILL BITE YOU
Rose: Jesus Christ good for you
Rose: ❤️❤️💕❤️🍆🍆🍆😏😩💦

Shane started the chat!
Yesterday 3:33 PM
Mom
Who’s this?
Shane: It’s Ilya, Mom. This is what I have him under in my phone
Mom
Oh, honey
You don’t have to do that with us if you don’t want to
Shane: It's just safer this way
Shane: Anyways, he has a question
Lily
yes i am wondering what beer is for tonight
Shane: He wants to eat the last orange but he wants to know if we need it for the beer
Mom
Do you need more oranges?
Dad
I was thinking just the usual. Trois Pistoles or something Unibroue
Mom
We’ll pick up some oranges
Lily
yes thank you
good to make sure your son does not die of scurvy on his diet
Shane: I eat more fruits than you
Shane: and no, $5 Tuesday margaritas does not count as fruit
Lily
is fruit juice
Shane: It’s sugar water and food coloring
Dad
You know, your mom loves a good marg
Mom
It is unfortunately true
There’s a place in Ottawa that uses fresh squeezed lime and the ice is so smooth
Lily
okay we have margaritas tonight instead, yes?
Mom
I’m listening
Shane: Can’t
Shane: My blender is broken
Lily
untrue he is lying liar. he made boring smoothie last night
Dad
Why don’t we do both? I’ll pick up some white tequila at the same time as the beers
Mom
No, we still have that bottle leftover from when Patrón was sniffing around a sponsorship
Shane: That was weird
Dad
Sounds great, then!
Shane: Still around 5?
Dad
Yes, we’ll text before we leave
Mom
Yes

Yesterday 3:52 PM
Shane: Do not get competitive
Shane: Do not try to keep up with him
Mom: I’m a grown woman! What a silly thing you think you have to warn your mother about!
Yesterday 10:12 PM
Mom: You two should consider having kiss
Mom: Kiss
Mom: Autocorrect
Mom: Kids
Mom: They would be basically born into the cup
Shane: You said that twice tonight, Mom
Mom: it bears repeatign
Shane: Ilya still can’t get pregnant no matter how weird you are about it
Mom: Well okay Goodnight
Today 7:02 AM
Mom: Do you have any Tylenol extra strength?
Mom: Your dad took the last one last time he had a migraine
Shane: Good morning to you too
Mom: Don't chirp me, baby bird
Shane: I get it all from you, Mom
Shane: I snuck a couple into your dodgy Tums container
Mom: It’s perfectly normal to reuse bottles
Shane: I think that bottle is older than me
Mom: It is not
Shane: I’ll send Ilya over later with some pedialyte too
Shane: And I can make burgers
Mom: I might just send your father into town for the real thing
Mom: Wow I would kill someone for some hot fries right now
Shane: Not a good sign. You better do something about that
Mom: Love you ❤️
Mom: Tell your boyfriend he makes a good margarita
Shane: I’m not going to encourage him
Mom: I thought I raised you to be a gentleman
Shane: Go get your fries

Today 7:38 AM
Yuna: When you move to Ottawa, we can still have margarita tuesdays
Ilya: 😈
Ilya: Mrs. Hollander, you are incredible woman

June 21 10:02 AM
Lily: come to kitchen
Lily: coffee machine looks angry
June 23 8:57 PM
Jane: Where are you?
Lily: 💩
Jane: If it takes you this long, I’m adding more fiber to your meals
Lily: my shit is fine do not do anything
Jane: Psyllium husk blends really well into smoothies
Lily: shane that sounds scary
Lily: is alien, yes?
Lily: you feed me alien parts
Lily: i have started to eat an apple every day like english phrase
Jane: You eat THE WHOLE apple
Jane: Like a fucking maniac
Lily: is not true i do not eat stem
Lily: but is wood, yes?
Lily: fiber… 🤔
Jane: the seeds cannot be good for your digestive system
Lily: you want me to waste food?? extra fiber??
Jane: Shut up
June 25 7:13 AM
Lily: am down at lake
June 29 5:44 PM
Jane: Flight at 4:30, construction on 40, leave at 12
Lily: why are you sending me
Lily: i already know this we just talked about it
Jane: I’m just saving it so we both remember
Lily: 🙄okay
July 1 8:59 PM
Jane: https://www.amazon.com/ProsourceFit-Acupressure-Pillow-Relief-Relaxation
July 2 5:32 AM
Jane: You’re missing a gorgeous view by the way.
Lily: you are missing a better one
Jane: If you sent a photo it didn’t go through
Lily: oh you want me to send photo?
Lily: lumberjack boyfriend wants a sexy photo because he only has trees to fuck?
Jane: I’m not a lumberjack just because I like hiking
Lily: But you are always loving some thick wood 😜
Jane: 🙄
Jane: 3/10
Lily: shut up is so early
Jane: I’ve been up for two hours
Lily: yes because you are insane
Lily: joke is better in Russian anyways
Jane: You can’t always say that when you make a bad joke
Lily: who made bad joke? i make statement
Lily: Shane Hollander loves thick wood
Lily: so much he has to go see more when he has perfect amount at home
Jane: You literally just called it a joke and then not a joke
Lily: i can not believe i am awake just for this
Jane: Yeah what happened to going back to bed?
Lily: your bed is stupid
Jane: Is that why you asked where I got it and ordered one for yourself?
Lily: you are even more asshole early in morning
Lily: i do not like this bed without you
Jane: Awww
Jane: You’ll just have to come with me next time ❤️
Lily: okay maybe without twelve hour hike day before
Jane: In my defense, that was only supposed to be eight
Jane: You’re the one who kept insisting on stopping
Lily: and you are one who wore tank top
Lily: and little shorts
Lily: so is your fault
Lily: slut
Jane: Too bad you’re not here though
Jane: I wanted to blow you with the sunrise
Lily: you will blow me when you get back
Jane: Oh will I?
Lily: yes
Lily: i am going back to sleep and i will wake up with your mouth on my cock
Jane: Jesus
Lily: i am like sleeping beauty
Lily: i am Sleeping Sexy
Jane: Don't worry, sexy. Your prince is on his way
Lily: slut
Jane: Fuck off
Jane: I was heading back anyways

Today 5:13 PM
Jane: you left these
Jane: when should I get them back to you?
Lily: come to raiders training camp
Lily: metros won’t even know you’re gone
Jane: Fuck
Jane: You
Lily: you could come in disguise
Lily: we will tell everyone you are marly’s cousin
Lily: it will be like shakespeare
Jane: I never read the one where the love interest is a massive pain in my ass
Lily: only pleasure in your ass 😘
Lily: also obviously we are Benedick and Beatrice
Lily: with worse friends
Jane: I don’t know them
Lily: from Much Ado About Nothing
Jane: Wouldn’t we be Romeo and Juliet?
Lily: um no 😤
Lily: they die and it is sad
Lily: why would you say we are like them??
Jane: I don’t know! Don’t their families hate each other?
Jane: I’ve never seen it
Lily: you do not like shakespeare?
Jane: It’s not that I don’t like it I just never read it when they assigned it in school
Jane: And I was always out on the movie days
Jane: Not like I did it on purpose I was just out a lot
Lily: games?
Jane: And injuries and stuff
Jane: Scouting opportunities my senior year
Jane: Why do you know Shakespeare? Do they teach it in Russia?
Lily: no, it is Svetlana
Lily: after they started sending her to american schools, she would bring home movies and books and would explain all the dick jokes to me
Lily: shakespeare is the only english writer worth reading
Jane: Because of the dick jokes
Lily: of course not just because the dick jokes
Lily: also the pussy jokes
Jane: How could you understand it?
Lily: is not so hard with help
Lily: and was always something with Sveta
Lily: she wanted me to learn english to be in the NHL
Jane: and she knew dick jokes were the best way to do it?
Lily: of course 😂
Jane: It’s a good call
Jane: Does she still live in Boston?
Lily: she splits her time
Lily: Boston, New York, LA
Lily: wherever is good hockey and beautiful men. she has made enough of her own money to do anything she wants
Lily: but yes, still an apartment in Boston
Jane: New York? Good hockey?
Lily: i love you 😍
Jane: Fuck
Jane: I love you too
Jane: Will it be hard moving away from her?
Lily: will be very good hockey in Ottawa when i get there 😉
Lily: we will visit it will be okay
Jane: Do you think I should meet her?
Jane: Like once we start the foundation, you could bring her to an event and introduce us
Lily: no i will not be doing this
Jane: What? Why not? You met my family, and I just thought it could be nice
Lily: no if you meet Sveta she will certainly hit on you and i cannot have this
Jane: Ilya I’m GAY
Lily: men have said this to Sveta before
Lily: and she is just your type
Lily: hot russian
Jane: My type is YOU
Lily: would break my heart very badly for such a betrayal from my boyfriend and my best friend
Jane: Can she score top shelf from the blue line?
Lily: no
Jane: Then I don’t think you have anything to be worried about
Lily: okay but still is not good idea
Jane: Why not?
Lily: she would know
Jane: Oh
Lily: she already knows “Jane” is not a girl
Lily: i think she suspects it is you, or maybe she just thinks i am obsessed with you
Lily: she knows i did not go to russia this year
Lily: when i tell her i am moving she will probably work it out like beautiful russian Terminator
Lily: she reminds me of you actually
Jane: Do you think she could keep our secret?
Lily: yes
Lily: she has always known about Sasha
Jane: Maybe it’s okay to tell her?
Jane: And I could tell Rose. She’s really discreet. We could both have someone who knows, you know?
Lily: you are being so sweet and then you bring up the actress 🙄
Jane: You are so jealous oh my god
Jane: My boyfriend is such a jealous person, and I have to live with that
Lily: this is pot and kettle situation, yes?
Lily: other reason i do not want you to meet Sveta is because i think you will try to kill her with mind knives
Jane: I literally asked to meet her
Lily: this is what someone with mind knives would say
Jane: Look, of course I’m jealous of her. You said you wanted to marry her!
Lily: for stupid passport! but we have different plan now don’t we?
Jane: I promise I don’t have any mind knives
Lily: no you cannot promise this i have seen them
Jane: Fine. I promise to keep them to myself.
Lily: better
Lily: maybe it would be nice for you to meet her
Lily: she will probably want something signed
Lily: she is very big fan
Jane: Bigger for me or you?
Lily: she loves whoever is best at hockey
Lily: so
Lily: Me
Jane: I bet if I ask her she’d say me
Lily: you will never meet
Jane: There’s not much we can change about our situation, you know, but I’d like to do this at least
Lily: 😩
Lily: you are a good boyfriend
Lily: you can tell the actress, and maybe next time you are in Boston, i will have Sveta come to the game?
Lily: Shane
Jane: No, that’s good
Lily: Are you freaking out?
Jane: A little
Jane: It’s fine. This is my idea
Lily: freaking out like come on your hoodie or like at your parents cottage after your mom said lovers
Jane: Like somewhere in the middle
Lily: is okay
Lily: we do not have to tell anyone yet
Jane: But I want to, you know?
Jane: Why am I freaking out so bad about something I want?
Lily: you freak out for years over my cock
Lily: big strong hockey boy broke by how much he likes to bend over for me 😢was very hard to watch, but now we are here
Jane: Is this your way of saying it’s all going to be okay?
Lily: yes, it will
Jane: Thank you, Ilya
Jane: That does actually make me feel better
Lily: talking about my cock always makes you feel better 🥰
Jane: No I’m pretty sure that’s you
Lily: no
Lily: but talking about YOUR cock makes me feel better!
Lily: how hard and wet you get just for me ❤️
Jane: Okay I get it
Lily: yes?
Jane: Set it up. Let’s do it
Lily: i will ask about her schedule
Jane: It’s my only chance to see baby pictures after all
Lily: hm. she is busy
Jane: Oh come on! My dad showed you VIDEO. I deserve just one measly photo of a photo
Lily: Sveta’s phone is too full of selfies and club pics
Lily: she will not have any
Jane: Wanna bet?