Shane HOLLANDER
90 University Private, R140
Ottawa, ON K1N 1H3
Canada

Tim WALKER
Moscow State University
Apartment No. 5, Room 341
Moscow, 119991
Russia

Dear Tim,

Hey! How are you doing?

As per your request before you left, here I am, writing to you. Like I told you, I’m not really used to sending letters (unless it’s to my extended family, and even then, maybe once a year). But I guess I can see the appeal. It does feel more thoughtful than a text. Even if, honestly, waiting days and weeks for a reply is kind of nerve-wracking, haha.

Anyway, how’s life at MSU? I hope your semester’s going well so far. Your replacement on the team is a bit rough around the edges, but we’ll figure it out. How’s the hockey team over there? I’d be curious to know how different their play style is from ours. Are they giving you minimal ice time, since you’re not staying long term? Though knowing how you play, any decent team would be stupid not to use you.

Also, turns out I didn’t manage to find a new roommate. Everyone I talked to either ghosted me after a few messages, or I had to veto them. One guy straight-up told me he “needed” to bring someone home every night. No, thank you.

It’s fine for now, even if things are a bit tight financially. But all that to say… if you didn’t already have plans for when you come back, the room’s yours if you want it. If you could let me know as soon as possible (maybe by message, not letter…), that’d be great.

I think that’s all for now. I’ll let this get to you, and hopefully we talk soon.

Take care,
Shane Hollander

Илья Розанов
МГУ им. М.В. Ломоносова
Квартира N.5, комната 341
Москва, 119991
Россия

Shane Hollander
90 University Private, R140
Ottawa, ON K1N 1H3
Canada

Shane Hollander,

Hello. You are looking for a roommate in uOttawa? My name is Илья (Ilya) and I am interested.

I received your letter today. Sorry to have read something not meant for me, but Tim used to live here, it is true. He moved out a week after classes started, to stay with a girl he met. I do not think it was real love, but I just wished him luck anyway, since I got the place to myself after that.

I almost threw your letter away. I thought, “boring letter, weird handwriting” but then I thought “no. is perfect!” You see, I want to move to North America. Ottawa is not my first choice, but it will do. So I am very interested in your offer.

About me: I am 185cm, hot, muscular, funny, sexy. I will probably bring people home at night, but not every night. And I can cook. I include picture for proof, to show I am real. Are you? I hope so.
You play hockey, right? I do too. That is why I was living with Tim. I am captain and best player on the team.

Let me know when I can move in. I can figure out my school enrollment once I have a place to stay. I look forward to hearing from you, Hollander.

With love,
Илья Розанов

PS: Мне пришлось воспользоваться словарём, так что и тебе стоит.

Shane HOLLANDER
90 University Private, R140
Ottawa, ON K1N 1H3
Canada

Илья Розанов
Moscow State University
Apartment No. 5, Room 341
Moscow, 119991
Russia

Dear Mr. Ilya,

First of all, I am sorry. I tried to translate your last name, but I was not sure that I got it right. Rosanov, maybe?

But more importantly, and more sincerely, I deeply apologize for the confusion caused by my previous letter (that wasn't addressed to you at all). As I mentioned, I did not manage to find a new roommate, but I am also no longer actively looking for a new person outside of my circle. I’m deeply sorry if what I wrote gave you the wrong impression.

I managed to get in contact with Tim, and he gave me his new address outside of the campus, so I will not bother you further. I simply did not want to leave you hanging with hopes that I could not fulfill (beside, if you truly do want to come to uOttawa, you should do researches before deciding anything. There is a lot of necessary paperwork). I hope, once again, that you can look past this misunderstanding. I’m honestly a bit embarrassed.

I wish you the best of luck with your plans to move abroad.

Best wishes,
Shane Hollander

P.S.: I did look up how to translate your sentence. Et ça, tu peux le lire avec l’aide de ton dictionnaire?

P.P.S.: You shouldn’t sign off your letters to strangers with “with love”. In English, it is meant for people you are close to. It could get you into trouble.

Илья Розанов
МГУ им. М.В. Ломоносова
Квартира N.5, комната 341
Москва, 119991
Россия

Shane Hollander
90 University Private, R140
Ottawa, ON K1N 1H3
Canada

Mr Shane,

So formal. Is it a Canadian rule to apologize at least three times per letter?

You are missing out on the best roommate you could ever have. Did I mention I am hot and muscular? Also very helpful with chores, if that is important to you.
But fine. Too bad. I will find another way to North America. Maybe it will be easier to wait after uni to find a job there, I can be patient.
But it does not mean we can't keep talking. Is fun, no?

You know things about me, and you said nothing about you in return. Boooo! So, you have to write back again to keep it fair. I will tell a little bit more about me, and you will do the same.

I am Ilya. 21. I study economics, because my father would not accept anything else. That is part of why I want to leave. Classes are fine, but boring, so I will not talk about them.

Since my last letter my friend Sasha moved in with me. So I have a roommate again. My other friend, Sveta, her dad is famous hockey coach in Boston. She travels there often and it is where I would like to go.

Also, I looked up your name. Mr team captain. We could have been a good team, too bad we are both playing center. Would not work. I would have to kill you (joke!).
I drew you, since you did not send a picture back. You will now, yes? Is only fair. I also drew a dog I saw.

Write back, Hollander. Don’t be boring.

Целую,
Ilya RoZZZZZanov

Shane HOLLANDER
90 University Private, R140
Ottawa, ON K1N 1H3
Canada

Ilya ROZANOV
Moscow State University
Apartment No. 5, Room 341
Moscow, 119991
Russia

Dear Mr. RoZanov,

I'm not boring. I'm suprised that you searched my name, though I suppose that’s fair curiosity in this kind of situation where you do have my full name.

Since you want to be fair so bad, I looked you up too. Did not find much I could understand, sadly. A bit about your father. He’s an important guy, right? Would explain why he would be strict with your major, I guess. I’m sorry that you’re not studying what you want (Which is, what exactly? You did not say).

I told my friend about how I ended up sending a letter to the wrong person, and she encouraged me to keep the conversation going. And I suppose that I can admit that you make me curious.

Do I make you curious?

So, fine, some information about myself: I’m also 21, from Ottawa. I study sports medicine. I’ve been skating and playing hockey for most of my life. I honestly don’t know what to say about myself that doesn’t revolves around that.

I’d rather not send a picture. We’re still, technically, strangers. But I liked your drawing, so I tried drawing you. Sorry, it’s not great. Like I said, most of my time goes into hockey.

Kind regards,
Shane Hollander

Илья Розанов
МГУ им. М.В. Ломоносова
Квартира N.5, комната 341
Москва, 119991
Россия

Shane Hollander
90 University Private, R140
Ottawa, ON K1N 1H3
Canada

Mister Artist Shane,

I love this drawing!!!!

But is still unfair, you have my picture in good quality for reference, and I have nothing but grainy online pictures! Come on, Hollander. We are not strangers anymore, I think. Weeks of writing and sending, we are bonded now.

And yes, you also make me curious. Obviously. A lot.

Even if your life in Ottawa sounds very very boring, but it is what it is. Can’t expect much more from a Canadian, I suppose. But i am, i guess, a bit fond (is the right word?) of it.

I did not tell you what I would rather study because I do not know. For long long time I didn’t think I would ever have the choice to pick something I like, so now I think that there are many things to try. Like you, I like hockey, but i also like literature (Russian literature, of course, i do not care for English). My father and brother would really laugh if I told them this, I am sure.

Maybe I will just do sport medicine so I can be better than you at hockey AND job.

XOXO,
Ilya

PS: Maybe you will stop thinking we are strangers if you really really see me, so here is another picture. Just for you ;)

Shane Hollander
90 University Private, R140
Ottawa, ON K1N 1H3
Canada

Hollander,

Saw funny postcard, maybe you will like it.
I bought second one for myself, so we match.

XOXO Ilya

Илья Розанов
МГУ им. М.В. Ломоносова
Квартира N.5, комната 341
Москва, 119991
Россия

Shane Hollander
90 University Private, R140
Ottawa, ON K1N 1H3
Canada

Busy bee Hollander,

Hello, it has been a long while since I sent last postcard, but I guess you might be busy. I am too, but I will take time for you.

I thought maybe my last letter got lost?

Or maybe the picture was too much? I am sorry. I did not mean to assume you would enjoy it and make you uncomfortable. I did not mean anything by it, it was just teasing.

But I did mean that I do not think we are strangers. I enjoy talking to you (or writing and reading) so I would much prefer if you enjoy it too. Is just for fun, no?

I put with letter a USB key with some of my best hockey games that were recorded. I thought that since you are a hockey nerd you would enjoy watching tapes, maybe. Make you understand me better, get closer.
Send some back, or I will assume you are studying my play to defeat me later (impossible).

Please write back. I like your letters, even the boring parts. This semester is a bunch of nothing, even more than usual. I’m going to die of boredom soon.

Waiting for your reply,
Ilya

Shane HOLLANDER
90 University Private, R140
Ottawa, ON K1N 1H3
Canada

Ilya ROZANOV
Moscow State University
Apartment No. 5, Room 341
Moscow, 119991
Russia

Ilya,

I’m sorry for taking so long to write back. As you guessed, things have been busy.

One more little fact about me, since you seem to like those, is that I tend to overthink, and new situations overwhelm me sometimes. And I didn’t expect to get attached to receiving letters from the other side of the globe. It hasn't been that long. And we’re just so far apart, you know? So I freaked out a bit, I guess.

Reading this back, I’m not making much sense. But basically, I just needed some time to think about some things.

I’m sorry again (and you can laugh at me for being very Canadian, again).

And you, how have you been?

I did receive all your letters. The card was funny. And thank you for the tapes, I genuinely enjoyed them. You’re an incredible player. It’s very satisfying and motivating to watch you move on the ice. Your team is obviously struggling behind you.

Still, now even more than before I am convinced that I would score against you. But at least it would be a good fight.

Like you asked, I found and put together some tapes
of my own, so I hope you enjoy watching them. Let
me know what you think, I'd love to know your thoughts.

Best,
Shane

Ilya ROZANOV
Moscow State University
Apartment No. 5, Room 341
Moscow, 119991
Russia

Ilya,

Happy holidays! Russian Christmas is in January, right?
I couldn't think of a gift that would fit inside a letter, I'm sorry.

Best, Shane

Илья Розанов
МГУ им. М.В. Ломоносова
Квартира N.5, комната 341
Москва, 119991
Россия

Shane Hollander
90 University Private, R140
Ottawa, ON K1N 1H3
Canada

Shane,

Thank you for the card, it is so cute! I put it above my desk in my apartment.
If you really really want to make me happy and send me a gift, I will accept a new picture of you. I like getting reminders of how you are doing.

Happy holidays to you too. You are right, in Russia Christmas is in January, very different.
But in my case, my family has not had a real Christmas in a really long time.

I can remember a little bit of the last one I had. My mother had crocheted me a hat for cold weather and little mittens as a gift, and she went to the rink with me the day after to play. We stayed there for hours, it was so much fun.

Now I get little gifts from my close friends, but no real celebration. Is fine like that. I will cherish your card (and your picture, do not forget it).
What about you, Mr perfect Hollander? I bet you have big party with big tree, big family, big gifts. Maybe you have girlfriend that you bring with you to see family?

There is probably so many people in the same room talking at the same time. Does your family all like each other? I think you get gifts that you do not enjoy, but you wouldn’t say it because you are so polite.

Don’t worry, when I come to America I will get you boring gift and it will be best that you will ever have. Promise!

Very jolly,
Your Santa

Shane HOLLANDER
90 University Private, R140
Ottawa, ON K1N 1H3
Canada

Ilya ROZANOV
Moscow State University
Apartment No. 5, Room 341
Moscow, 119991
Russia

Dear Santa,

I think your view of Christmas is maybe a bit glorified. Or at least, it’s not really like this is my family. I celebrate with my Mom and Dad, no other family members. We’re not close to any of them, and they live far away, so we rarely see them.

We mostly just have a bit of a fancy dinner and exchange gifts (and no, I did not get anything that I didn't enjoy. We tell each other what we want in advance, so there isn’t a risk of bad surprises. You are correct that I would not be a fan of that.)

Also, no girlfriend. I broke up with the one I had a few months ago. Well, more like she broke it off with me, but it’s fine. We weren’t really clicking anyway. And you? Do you have a girlfriend? You mentioned that you live with someone now. Sasha, right? And your friend Svetlana. (Do you have something for the letter S? Haha)

Sorry, that was weird and invasive of me. Please ignore that.

In other news, I found a roommate. Hayden (my teammate) was looking for a room, so we worked things out. I had gotten a bit used to having the place to myself, but it's fine. At least I don’t have to worry about rent anymore.

Warmly,
Shane

P.S.: Here’s your picture. Where’s mine?
You suck at being Santa.

Илья Розанов
МГУ им. М.В. Ломоносова
Квартира N.5, комната 341
Москва, 119991
Россия

Shane Hollander
90 University Private, R140
Ottawa, ON K1N 1H3
Canada

Shane!

I am single. No girlfriend. Also, you wear glasses?

I was confused when I read your letter, but then I understood your mistake. You think Sasha is a girl, xaxaxa. No, Sasha is annoying friend from when I was little, and a boy. School would not allow me to live with a girl, I think. And Sveta is my best friend, we mess around for fun, but nothing serious. She is great, you would like her I think.
Sasha, not so much. Too vain for you.

Also, congrats on not living alone anymore. I still think you should have accepted my offer, we would have had so much more fun. Hayden sounds like a stupid name, so is probably a stupid guy. I tried searching a Hayden on uOttawa hockey team, and there was no result. Is all I need to know.

I would make a much better roommate, but maybe is more fun this way, yes? I am glad that it has come to this.

Since you are so demanding, here is new pictures, of me with Svetlana. So now, you can understand when I talk about her.

Целую,
Ilya

Shane HOLLANDER
90 University Private, R140
Ottawa, ON K1N 1H3
Canada

Ilya ROZANOV
Moscow State University
Apartment No. 5, Room 341
Moscow, 119991
Russia

Ilya,

I'm so sorry, I did believe that Sasha was a girl. After thinking about it, you’re right, it does sound unlikely that they would allow co-ed apartments on campus. I don’t know what I was thinking.

My roommate, Hayden, is fine. He wasn’t studying here before, which might be why you can’t find anything online. He’s a pretty good player!
He’s not at the apartment much anyway, he’s kind of always visiting his girlfriend.

Her name is Jackie. She’s nice, too. We’ve become friends, so it’s going alright.

And I don’t think that I could handle having a rowdy roommate (which I think you would be). If I can feel your energy via letters, I cannot imagine how tiring you could be to be around in real life.

I think you're the type to speak too loud, or slam doors.
Well, maybe I will find out if it's true someday. I'm not forgetting that you promised me a gift.

Also, I do wear glasses, but they are mostly for when I'm at home. I need them for reading and to look at screens, so I always have them on when i'm writing to you.

Best,
Shane

Илья Розанов
МГУ им. М.В. Ломоносова
Квартира N.5, комната 341
Москва, 119991
Россия

Shane Hollander
90 University Private, R140
Ottawa, ON K1N 1H3
Canada

Captain,

First of all, I do not slam doors. I am nice, and a gentleman.

More important, I checked NHL news and saw that Ottawa did not make it to the playoffs this year. Like last year, and the year before, and before, and.....xaxaxa. This is your team? You like supporting losers?

They are lucky that you are not playing pro and humiliating them.

I drew you crying over the Centaurs’ loss. Is how I imagined you were in front of your TV when it happened (with hockey stick in hand, yes, because you are a nerd) (and with glasses, because I like them).

Boston is going to win the Stanley Cup, I think! My team does not agree, but they are a bunch of idiots who giggle and fall on the ice more than they play.

Is another reason why I have to get to Boston. It is a place for winners.

Always winning,
Captain Ilya

Shane Hollander
90 University Private, R140
Ottawa, ON K1N 1H3
Canada

Hi,

Could not wait to have enough to say to send full letter. I found little Снупи stamps! They reminded me of you, so I bought a lot and I am also sending you some.

Целую, Ilya

Shane HOLLANDER
90 University Private, R140
Ottawa, ON K1N 1H3
Canada

Ilya ROZANOV
Moscow State University
Apartment No. 5, Room 341
Moscow, 119991
Russia

Woodstock,

I love the stamps, thank you!
Sadly I can’t actually use them.

But they are very cute, so I put one on the letter itself.

Things have been a lot lately. I have so many projects for school, and exams coming up, and the team isn’t clicking as it should so we’re getting losses after losses. It’s a bit rough, and I’ve had a lot on my mind.

Do you mind if I use this letter to let some things out? I’ve been rummaging over it a lot, and my friend told me that maybe I should talk to someone about it all. And it is all less daunting to write a letter than it is to actually hold a conversation in real time.

So, here goes. I don’t think I like girls. Romantically. My friend that I just mentioned (Rose) kind of guessed it for me. We tried going out, and it was a disaster. I always thought that someday I would simply find the right girl and be happy, but I don’t think that’s possible anymore. I really tried, and it feels like a failure.

I’m scared to tell my parents. I can’t imagine saying it to the team. I'm shaking writing this to you. I hope you do not hate me for this. Having the words on paper, in front of me, helps me accepting it, and I might as well send it now that I have written all of this.

I would understand if you chose not to respond. I just wanted to at least stop lying to someone.

Take care,
Shane Hollander

Илья Розанов
МГУ им. М.В. Ломоносова
Квартира N.5, комната 341
Москва, 119991
Россия

Shane Hollander
90 University Private, R140
Ottawa, ON K1N 1H3
Canada

Shane,

Hello. Thank you for writing to me, and telling me all of this. I would not stop writing to you because of this, ever. You are also my friend, and I am glad that you are sharing this with me.

So, I will be brave and share with you too. I am бисексуал, bisexual. I like girls, yes, but I also like guys. I have known this for a long time. In truth, when you asked about Sasha I panicked a bit, because we do fuck sometimes.

He is the only other one who knows, is safe with him because we have the same secret. Sveta is my closest friend, but I cannot bring myself to tell her. But I think she figured it out.

Is dangerous, here, to reveal something like this. I could get in trouble for living how I want, and my father will surely kill me. If he even remembers me, that is. He is very sick, and losing his mind more every day. I am stuck here now, because it has gotten worse this year and I do not want to leave him alone to die. My brother would not take care of him, I know.

But now we have each other, yes? Is scary to be alone, and hiding. If your parents are nice like you describe them to me, maybe they will be nice about this?

If anything, I will always read your letters, and send back. I promise. You are fine.

In your corner,
Ilya

PS: So, you think I am hot?

Shane HOLLANDER
90 University Private, R140
Ottawa, ON K1N 1H3
Canada

Ilya ROZANOV
Moscow State University
Apartment No. 5, Room 341
Moscow, 119991
Russia

Dear Ilya,

I was so relieved to receive your letter. I said that I would understand if you decided to stop writing, but to be more honest, I really do not want you to stop.

Thank you for telling me, too. What are the chances of us having so much in common and getting into contact? I should thank Tim.

I am also in your corner. Obviously. I wish there was more that I could do. I feel silly about freaking out when your situation is much more serious than mine, but thank you, really, really, for your reassurance.

I’m sorry, as always, to hear about how your father isn’t good to you. And sorry, too, that he is sick. I hope things don’t get too difficult for you, and that the situation gets better.

You’re probably right about my parents, but still, the risk kind of paralyzes me. I just need to work up the courage to do it.

You will be fine, too. Let’s be more honest with each other in these letters, alright? I want to help you feel better as much as you are helping me.

Talk soon,
Shane

P.S.: Do I have to say it?

Shane HOLLANDER
90 University Private, R140
Ottawa, ON K1N 1H3
Canada

Ilya ROZANOV
Moscow State University
Apartment No. 5, Room 341
Moscow, 119991
Russia

Ilya,

What will you do first, when you move abroad? You said you want to live in Boston, right?

I’ve never had the chance to go, but one of my classmates has family there, so he recently traveled to spent the holidays with them. He keeps telling me that Boston is “the best”. A very busy city, very lively. From the sound of it, it would fit you well.

I can’t really imagine living in a place like this. Or at least, not in the middle of the city. I don’t know where I will end up after I’ve graduated. I want to apply to join the Centaurs’ medical staff (yes, I saw how terrible their season is going, you can stop laughing) but you never know if that will work out. Not that I'm not confident in my skills, but you know.

My parents have a cottage near Ottawa, and I really like it here. When I'll have the funds, I would like to build and have my own. Obviously, it would need a gym. I'd love to have a dedicated yoga room, too.

My mom is a big fan of the Voyageurs, in Montreal, so maybe I'll also apply to their team. We went to see them play against Winnipeg recently, it was awesome. They're killing it lately, my mom thinks they're going to get the Cup this year.

I got you a pin from the stadium, so you can remember a real winning team.

Best wishes,
Shane

Илья Розанов
МГУ им. М.В. Ломоносова
Квартира N.5, комната 341
Москва, 119991
Россия

Shane Hollander
90 University Private, R140
Ottawa, ON K1N 1H3
Canada

Mr real estate,

Boston is great, Sveta tells me. She loves it there. Sad for me that she isn’t often in Russia anymore, but she is trying to build her own business in the city.

I have a great plan, thank you for asking. When I get in America, I want to try to eat all the gross American food possible, to compare with Russia. Important research. I will forget about hockey diet for a little bit. I want the milkshake with the fries, you know? Americans are so funny.

Then, I want to see and visit TD Garden, of course. I will go to games to support a real team, because EVERYONE with a brain knows that the Bears are far better than the Montreal losers. Come on, Hollander, what is up with you? Are your grades so bad that you would have to be stuck living in Montreal? I do not know much about sport medicine, but I think you can do a lot better.

Even the team's logo is ugly (but not uglier than the Centaurs. Maybe you should draw them a new one). Ask your friend to bring you a Boston pin and send it to me, I will just throw the other one.

And that is all of my plan. Unlike you, I like to live a little and surprises. I want to discover a lot of things. Sveta knows the city very well anyway, so she will show me all the best places.

And then, when you will come visit, I will also show you. But we will start the visit with TD Garden, of course.

Byebye,
Ilya, Bears Captain

Ilya ROZANOV
Moscow State University
Apartment No. 5, Room 341
Moscow, 119991
Russia

Ilya,

This reminded me of the first card you sent me!
I got a matching one, too.

Best,
Shane

Shane HOLLANDER
90 University Private, R140
Ottawa, ON K1N 1H3
Canada

Ilya ROZANOV
Moscow State University
Apartment No. 5, Room 341
Moscow, 119991
Russia

Ilya,

I haven’t received any news in a while, so I wanted to ask more directly if things are alright.

Not that you owe me any news. But still, I would like to hear from you, whenever you have time to write me back.

I’m doing fine. I finally talked to my parents, about being gay. You were right, they were really nice and supportive about it. Sometimes I wonder why my brain dramatizes every possible situation so much. Again, thank you for your support with this, it meant a lot. Things are good now.

I also told them that I’ve been writing regularly to a guy in Russia, and I think that shocked them more, hahah. So, my parents say hi.
They were really curious about you, so I told them that you’re a hockey player (a good point) and that you want to move to Boston + is a Bears fan (a bad point).

Really hope you’re doing good. I wonder how your team has been doing lately. We've been on a winning streak, and I'd love to know that there are worthy rivals out there.

Let me know soon?

With love,
Shane

Ilya ROZANOV
Moscow State University
Apartment No. 5, Room 341
Moscow, 119991
Russia

Hi,

Went to Montreal and thought you would love a postcard.
I guess the gloomy weather shouldn't be too different in Moscow.

Shane

Илья Розанов
МГУ им. М.В. Ломоносова
Квартира N.5, комната 341
Москва, 119991
Россия

Shane Hollander
90 University Private, R140
Ottawa, ON K1N 1H3
Canada

To Shane Hollander,

Hi Shane, I hope this letter gets to you with no problem. I meant to send you some things sooner, but I could not.

You told me we should be honest with each other, yes? So I will be. Things have not been good. Terrible, really.

My father died. I knew this was coming. His illness was getting much worse so fast. I do not know how I feel about it.

But this is not why I am doing so bad. I told you about my brother, yes? When I was arranging things for the funeral, this хуй с горы took my keys and came to my apartment. He said he needed father’s car keys, the ones I kept since father stopped driving. I told him I would bring them myself, but he did not wait.

When he came, he saw all your letters, because I keep them all in my room. Called me all kind of stupid names, over some letters. He burned them all, so there is nothing left of you. I do not even know if I remember your address correctly enough to send this to you.

I am upset. And sad. I will graduate because the diploma will help to get a job, and then I leave Moscow. There is nothing here for me anymore.

I am moving to a new apartment, and will not give my brother the address. But it means that right now, I cannot receive anything. You have email, yes? Here is mine. I will wait to hear from you.

With love,
Ilya

Ilya ROZANOV
76 Ostozhenka Street
Moscow, 191171
Russia

Ilya,

I'm on break, on my way to go to my parent's cottage.
I thought that it would be a good opportunity to start back your letter collection.

Shane

Ilya ROZANOV
76 Ostozhenka Street
Moscow, 191171
Russia

Ilya,

I’m in Detroit to visit my friend Rose. I’ve never been before, but she’s mostly taking me to clothes stores and cafés, so not a lot of actual visiting.

Shane (and Rose, she says hi)

Shane Hollander
90 University Private, R140
Ottawa, ON K1N 1H3
Canada

Shane,

Was sad that I lost my lizard stamps when I moved to new place, but I found this funny card! Hope you like it.

Ilya

Shane HOLLANDER
90 University Private, R140
Ottawa, ON K1N 1H3
Canada

Ilya ROZANOV
76 Ostozhenka Street
Moscow, 191171
Russia

Dear Ilya,

It’s been a long time since my last real letter.
I’ve been meaning to write for some weeks, but since we’ve started to talk more frequently, I find it harder to come up with interesting things to say that you don’t already know.

But here’s a simple one. I’m not telling you in advance that I’m sending this, so It will be a little surprise to you, since you like those.

Hayden has been trying to set me up on dates with every one of Jackie's friends. And her friend's friends. How hard is it to accept that I'm not interested? He says that he's worried about my love life, but why is it anyone's business but my own?

Also, mind you, I have been on some dates. But I don't want to tell him, I'm not ready for this conversation. He's a good guy, but you know.

Not that the dates have led to anything worth talking about anyway. They were all kind of awkward.
I was also a bit distracted, maybe. By some things.

Anyway, I drew you a lizard, since you like them. Did you know that there are over 6000 species of lizards? I got stuck into a rabbit hole while looking for a drawing reference.

Talk soon,
Shane

Shane HOLLANDER
350 Montgomery St
Ottawa, ON K1L 7X2
Canada

Ilya ROZANOV
76 Ostozhenka Street
Moscow, 191171
Russia

Dear Ilya,

Things have been pretty calm lately with school, so I have time to write again. Great timing for a new letter, since I have a bit of a weird story that didn’t feel fitting for an e-mail.

I don’t know if you remember from a few years back, I mentioned that I had a classmate from Boston. We’ve been talking more, lately.

I saw him at a house party I got dragged into by my hockey team, and you would not be able to guess what happened. At least, I didn’t see it coming.

I wasn’t drinking but my friend, Alex, was, and we ended up just talking in a room together. I don’t even remember what we were discussing, but at some point he suddenly moved from his seat and kissed me.

I was so surprised that I got up and left. I was afraid all night that he thought I was being homophobic for leaving, or that I would be too gay if I told him it was okay that it happened.

He ended up coming out to me the day after. He’s bi, just like you. I had no idea. He told me that he “kind of guessed” that I was gay. I don’t know what it means.

Can everyone tell? I remember my parents also telling me that they had an inkling, before I told them. I haven't told any of the guys, except Hayden. I don't want them to know like this.

He asked me if I would like for us to have some fun together, and I haven't answered him yet. I don't really feel anything for him. But we're friends, and he likes hockey. Am I messing everything up?

I don’t know. Sorry for rambling.

Shane

Delete draft?
Are you sure you want to delete the draft mail?

Илья Розанов
Улица Остоженка, 76
Москва, 191171
Россия

Shane Hollander
350 Montgomery St
Ottawa, ON K1L 7X2
Canada

Мой Шейн,

Surprise, a letter! I will bet that you really missed getting long notes from me.

Letters will always be nice, I think. Sometimes, when I do not know how to say something to you, my first thought is "this would be easier by mail".

By the time I am writing this to you, I am going over the details for Boston with Sveta. She came here to help me, because there are a lot of annoying things to do, and things to think about.

For example, I will be moving to the US with a work visa, of course. But that means that it is not a permanent way to stay here, and not what I want. I want to get rid of my Russian citizenship, so that I cannot risk being sent back if the job does not work out, or something else goes wrong. I do not want to be forced to hide and be careful forever.

Sveta has double citizenship, so we could get married. We did not talk about it much, but I know she would agree to help me, if I really asked.

It would the easier way, yes?

But there is a problem. Because even when I know that it would solve everything, she is not the one I am always thinking about, and not the one I want.
I find that when I close my eyes, I am always thinking of freckles, and hockey, and stupid Ottawa, that is still so far away.

Is a funny problem, no?

Ilya

Ilya ROZANOV
76 Ostozhenka Street
Moscow, 191171
Russia

Ilya,

Congratulations again, for graduating. I've been saving up this postcard for the occasion, I hope it reaches you in time.

Shane

Ilya ROZANOV
76 Ostozhenka Street
Moscow, 191171
Russia

Ilya,

A last card to Moscow.
I'll be waiting for your Boston address to keep sending these.

With love,
Shane

Shane Hollander
350 Montgomery St
Ottawa, ON K1L 7X2
Canada

Shane,

First card from Boston!
They tried to sell me the card for much more money than normal, like I am a stupid tourist. I like the city.

XOXO Ilya

Whatsapp chat with: +1 617 XXXXXXX

Sent Message: Hi, this is Shane Hollander. 17:25

Received Message:Hi? I’m sorry, I think you have wrong number. I don't know any Shane Hollander. 17:31

Whatsapp chat with: Ilya

Sent Message: Hi, this is Shane Hollander. 17:25

Received Message:Hi? I’m sorry, I think you have wrong number, i don't know any Shane Hollander 17:31

oh wait, i just remembered 17:36

shane hollander, canada's most boring man? it is an honor 17:36

Sent Message: Fuck you. You're such a kid. 17:38

Why is this your profile picture??? 17:38

Received Message: 17:39

Whatsapp chat with: Shane 😽💌

Sent Message: work is killing me hollander, i will die soon 17:12

Sent Message: 🪦 17:12

Received Message:I thought that it was going alright? 17:36

it is fine but also is annoying. crazy customers always unhappy and yelling and i cannot yell back 17:39

also they keep talking slow to me like i am stupid because of my accent 17:40

i tell them i speak english just fine and i had years of practice (😉) but they all just continue to treat me like baby who doesn’t understand 17:41

Sent Message: 17:43

i want to sleep 17:43

I’m sorry, that sucks. 17:45

Is there any way I can help? 17:45

i do not need help. is just stupid work things 17:46

just wanted to complain 17:47

I know you don’t need help, but I want to. 17:48

You get off soon, right? We don't have to call if you’re tired. I'll let you sleep. 17:49

get off)) 17:53

no hollander, i will call you 17:54

is relaxing talking to you 17:54

Okay. Good. 17:55

Call me when you want. 17:56

Whatsapp chat with: Shane 😽💌

Sent Message: 10:02

Sent Message: Can’t you send the picture without the bear thing? 10:08

no is part of the charm 10:15

you do not like it? 10:15

Received Message:It’s hard to see your face like this. 10:18

you want to see my face that badly hollander? 😏😛😈 10:19

Received Message:I do. 10:20

oh 10:24

Received Message:So? 10:26

Sent Message: 10:27

Ilya Rozanov
635 Tremont Ave
Boston, MA 02124
United States

Ilya,

I just had to get this card for you.
Sadly I tried adding your mole on Woodstock but it smeared, so I kind of ruined it. I'm sorry.

Shane

Whatsapp chat with: Shane 😽💌

Sent Message: 13:44

oh no 13:45

Received Message:What?? Jackie showed me how to make these. 13:47

Received Message:And you said I was like a cat, once, remember? And sometimes you say I’m an artist to make fun of me, so I thought it would be funny. Maybe not. 13:49

Received Message:This looks stupid, forget it. 13:49

no is perfect reasoning very perfect i love it i’m sorry i understand the joke it is funny 13:50

looks great!! 13:50

Sent Message: 13:56

wow 🐈🎆 13:57

Whatsapp chat with: Ilya

My residency interview went terribly. 18:34

Received Message:what happened? 18:35

Received Message:you are okay? 18:35

One of the interviewers completely stopped listening while I was still introducing myself. Maybe he concluded as he saw my face when I walked in that I wasn't worth the time. He was on his phone and it was distracting me that he wasn't paying attention. 18:39

I got so frustrated that I wanted to hit my head on something. 18:40

Also the lightning in the room was so strong it was making my eyes hurt. And my ribs have been bothering me since last game. 18:41

It was all just bad. And I feel like i'm going nuts now. 18:41

you are home now? 18:42

Yes, I just got back. I was supposed to hang out with my friend J.J. but I'm feeling sick so I had to cancel. 18:44

okay 18:44

good 18:45

take a shower? or sleep? it will help calm you, yes? 18:45

you have eaten? you should eat something, maybe 18:45

I will, later. 18:46

Can we call? 18:46

of course, give me a sec 18:46

Received Message: 18:48

Thank you, really. 19:32

no need for thanks 19:33

go eat now shane 19:33

Whatsapp chat with: Shane 😽💌

Received Message:Today Hayden asked me if I had a boyfriend because I keep checking my phone like a “hormonal teenage girl”, whatever that means. 22:01

Received Message:Which made me realize that all of our messages have been very bad for my screen time. Do you know just how badly constant exposure to blue light affects your eyes? 22:02

Sent Message: lol 22:11

Replying to: Shane 😽💌
Hayden asked me if I had a boyfriend because I keep checking my phone...
well, do you? have a boyfriend? 22:11

I don’t know, do I? 22:23

fuck. yes. you do 22:24

and i think it is serious, yes? 22:25

Yeah, it is pretty serious. 17:27

good 22:28

amazing 22:28

i like you very much 22:30

Good. I like you very much too. Sometimes so much it scares me. 22:31

but me more 22:32

No and we're not doing this. 22:33

ugh so boring (i also like this) 22:34

Sent Message: ❤️❤️❤️ 22:34

Sent Message: ❤️ 22:35

Whatsapp chat with: Ilya

Received Message: Butterball Downstairs
Butterball the Pembro[...]
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4kQnrKvOTNg
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4kQnrKvOTNg 02:29

Received Message: 19:00

Received Message:sorry, cannot call. i am spending time at sveta’s 20:33

Received Message:unless it is something important? i make time for you 20:34

Whatsapp chat with: Ilya

Received Message:unless it is something important? i make time for you 20:34

Received Message:hollander i can see you typing for the last 5 minutes 20:39

I left my phone open by accident. I wasn’t typing. 20:40

It’s fine, it’s nothing urgent, just thought we’d call. Go spend time with Svetlana. 20:41

Received Message:you are jealous? 20:42

Of course not. 20:42

Received Message:you know there is no reason to be jealous, yes? 20:43

I just said that I wasn't. 20:44

I'm not! I'm really glad that you have Svetlana with you and that you can spend more time with her than before. 20:46

It’s more that I'm frustrated that I can't also be there. 20:49

Received Message:ah shanya 20:50

Received Message:you cannot say that and expect that i will not want to call 20:51

Received Message:give me five minutes 20:51

No, it's fine. I don’t want to call anymore. 20:52

Received Message:sure 21:01

Received Message: 21:01

Shane Hollander

350 Montgomery St
Ottawa, K1L 7X2
Canada

For мой Шейн

Shanya,

It is a lucky day for you! It is much easier to send bigger packages from the US to Canada than it was from Russia.

I went to a store the other day, and I saw this duck plush. Is your loon duck! So of course, I had to get it for you. It is pretty cute, when it is a plush. You would not believe they make the devil sounds you showed me.

Do loons get lonely, you think? Maybe they move in a pack, like wolves (since they are stupid canadian wolf birds). I don’t know, you are the expert.

I ask because I get lonely, sometimes, you know? I was lonely in Moscow, you know this, but now here I am meeting more new people, and Sveta introduced me to her nice friends, and I have you, and we talk very often. So I am not really alone, but I feel lonely. On some days, more than others. I do not really know why.

I got you two loons because this way they will be less lonely, together. And I also bought two for myself, so you will be less lonely, not being the only weird guy with two loons.

One day we bring them together and they will form a wolf bird pack, yes?

Yours,
Ilya

PS: You never sent me the Bears pin I asked for, so I will be the one to give to you. no need to thank me.

Whatsapp chat with: Ilya

Ilya, what the hell. 09:16

I just got your package. You didn’t have to. 09:16

The loons are very cute. Thank you, I really like them). 09:17

Sent Message: 09:19

I put them on my desk at home. They're near my box with the postcards. 09:20

Replying to: You
I just got your package. You didn’t have to.
you got it!! 09:27

Sent Message: 09:29

Received Message:i have them next to me 09:30

Received Message:what about the bears pin? you like? 09:30

I don’t want to throw away a gift but it hurts me to have to look at it. 09:32

Received Message:perfect)) 09:33

Received Message:you really like the duck plushies? 09:34

I really do. That was really sweet of you. I wish I had thought of sending something to you first. 09:36

Received Message:is because i am the best 😼 09:37

Received Message:can you make the wolf bird noise again please 09:38

Received Message:crazy noise 09:43

Received Message:what does it mean in bird language? 09:43

Wouldn’t you like to know. 09:44

Loons don’t live in groups, by the way. But I think these ones can. 09:46

Received Message::) good 💖 09:48

Whatsapp chat with: Shane 😽💌

Sent Message: what are you wearing 18:50

Sent Message: Some sportswear. I'm going out for a run in a bit. 18:53

Sent Message: mmh and what underneath it 18:54

Sent Message: What? I don't have any layers. It's just a shirt and some shorts. 18:55

Received Message:fuck 18:56

Received Message:are the shorts like short shorts 18:57

Sent Message: They’re normal length sport shorts. I also have some Reebok sneakers on, I forgot to mention them. 18:58

Received Message:shane 18:59

Received Message:i am trying to sext 18:59

Sent Message: Oh 19:05

Received Message:so are the shorts really short or not 19:06

Sent Message: I guess they’re kind of short. You can see most of my thighs. 19:09

Sent Message: Rose said they were kind of “slutty” once but I don’t see it. 19:10

Received Message:fuck 19:11

Received Message:also do not talk about rose right now 19:12

Received Message:you do not ask me what i am wearing? 19:12

Sent Message: What are you wearing? 19:13

Received Message:nothing 19:13

Received Message:and i'm in bed 19:13

Sent Message: Fuck 19:14

Received Message:yeah. do you want to video call and see for yourself? 19:15

Sent Message: Yes but I really do have to go on a run or it’s going to mess up my routine. I'm already late. 19:17

Received Message:hollander you are making this so hard 19:18

Received Message:fine, you go on your run. you will call after? 19:19

Sent Message: Yes. 19:19

Received Message:good 19:20

Received Message:imso ecexited 19:20

Whatsapp chat with: Ilya

Sent Message: imso ecexited 19:20

Received Message: 20:37

Sent Message: That was so hot. 20:59

Sent Message: you are so hot 21:00

Sent Message: you liked? 21:00

Sent Message: Obviously. 21:01

Sent Message: You're so hot too. 21:02

Sent Message: i know 21:02

Received Message:Always so humble. 21:03

Sent Message: 💖💖💦 go sleep now малыш 21:04

Received Message:I have to clean up before that. You should too. Talk later. 21:06

Sent Message: “talk later” he says, after i made him wet his dick 21:07

Shane Hollander
350 Montgomery St
Ottawa, ON K1L 7X2
Canada

Shane,

Went to New York this weekend. Ate a pizza with so many strange things on it I think you would have hated it. It was great!

XOXO Ilya

Whatsapp chat with: Ilya

Received Message:hollander 11:31

Received Message:when is your next break 11:31

Received Message:i have been saving rest days 11:32

Received Message:maybe i come to you then? or you come to boston. but i would like to visit the cottage 11:33

Received Message:if you still want, i mean 11:40

Of course I want. 11:51

I have a small break next month. I will send you the actual dates. 11:52

My parents haven't been at the cottage recently so I will need to come in advance to go clean it. 11:53

And buy groceries. 11:54

Do you have any food allergies? Anything that you do not like to eat? Food textures? 11:55

Also, I will come pick you up from the airport, but I will also send you a map with the itinerary just in case. It's a bit hard to get there and if you take a cab, chances are that they will get lost. 11:57

shane 11:57

I don't think we can swim at this time of the year, but the view with the lake is nice, you will like it. Also we can still do a barbecue, we have a nice patio and I can cook burgers if you like that. 11:59

who doesn't like burgers? 12:00

shane slow down 12:01

burger is nice 12:01

anything is nice 12:01

i just want to see boring canada 12:02

and you, maybe. you are okay 12:03

Haha, asshole. 12:04

Can't wait to see you малыш. It'll be fun. 12:06

Received Message:малыш? 12:07

Received Message:oхуеть 12:08

Received Message:oхуеть you cannot keep speaking russian to me hollander it will kill me 12:08

I've been taking notes. And I think it's fitting. You like being my baby? 12:09

Received Message:ksnld:; 12:09

Received Message:sorry dropped my phone 12:10

Received Message:you make me crazy 12:11

Received Message:can't wait to see you 12:11

Sent Message: ❤️ 12:12

< Voicemail

Shane 😽💌

mobile
September 14, 20XX at 10:41 AM

Transcription

"Hey. Uh—This is Shane. Hollander. I’m guessing that you’re still on the plane, or getting out of it, but I wanted to let you know that I’m waiting for you in the parking lot outside.
I’m here in a black Jeep Cherokee, near the far end. It should be more on the left side, from where you’ll be coming out. I’m going to send you a picture of the car model so that you can spot it more easily.
Um—yeah. That’s about it. Yeah. See you in a bit. Bye."

Whatsapp chat with: Ilya

Sent Message: 10:43

It's one like this. 10:43

Received Message:please tell me is a joke and you do not drive that car 10:47

What’s wrong with it?? Where are you now? 10:48

shane 10:49

do you have a hidden family with kids? is it a big surprise reveal for today? 10:49

you have a boring dad car 10:50

Fuck off. It’s practical, and great for the snow. 10:51

My parents got it for me and I like it. There's no reason for me to drive anything else. 10:52

Now can you answer me? Where are you? 10:52

Sent Message: 🙄   10:53

boring car for boring man. you are hurting me 10:54

Replying to: You
Now can you answer me? Where are you?
i am getting in the airport hall. i will be there soon 😽 10:55

Okay. Stop looking at your phone then. 10:55

Whatsapp chat with: Светочка 🐻Svetochka 🐻

Sent Message: Ты без проблем добрался?Did you get there without any problem? 10:56

Sent Message: Не игнорируй мои сообщения. Просто дай мне знать, что ты в безопасностиDon't ignore my texts. Just let me know you're safe 11:43

Sent Message: cо мной всё в порядке. я с шейном, мы добрались до его домаi'm fine. i'm with shane, we made it to his house 14:12

Sent Message: я не пишу тебе раньше, потому что мы были занятыi didn't answer you earlier because we were busy 14:13

Sent Message: 😈👅🤤💋💖💦 14:13

Received Message:Eww. gross 14:18

Received Message: Давай без подробностей!Keep that to yourself! 14:19

Sent Message: Веселись со своим мужчиной. Не рассказывай мне ничего, пока я не спрошу Have fun with your man. Don't tell me any details unless I ask 14:20

Received Message: Я рада за тебяI'm happy for you 14:20

Sent Message: 🩷  14:21

Received Message: cпасибо) я тоже радthank you :) i'm happy too 14:24

Sent Message: i'll talk to you later 14:25

iMessage

Whatsapp chat with: Ilya

Received Message: LOTUS Evora 400
Vetrova's Cars
www.vetrovascars.com/lotus-evora-400
www.vetrovascars.com/lotus-evora-400 15:02

Received Message: Porsche 718 Cayman
Vetrova's Cars
www.vetrovascars.com/porsche-718-cayman
www.vetrovascars.com/porsche-718-cayman 15:05

Received Message: Alfa Romeo 4C
Vetrova's Cars
www.vetrovascars.com/alfa-romeo-4c
www.vetrovascars.com/alfa-romeo-4c 15:11

Received Message: Lotus Elise 2015
Vetrova's Cars
www.vetrovascars.com/lotus-elise-2015
www.vetrovascars.com/lotus-elise-2015 15:13

Received Message:are you ignoring me 15:17

Received Message:i can see you on your phone 15:17

Received Message:hello 15:20

Received Message: Porsche 911 Carrera
Vetrova's Cars
www.vetrovascars.com/porsche-911-carrera
www.vetrovascars.com/porsche-911-carrera 15:22

Stop it. 15:22

Whatsapp chat with: Shane 😽💌

Sent Message: come back to bed 11:23

Sent Message: The sauce isn't going to cook itself. You can come downstairs if you want to see me. 11:25

Sent Message: nooo come here 11:26

Sent Message: i found an interesting box with toys in your stuff 11:27

Sent Message: explain? you were hiding this from me? 11:27

Sent Message: i did not know you had sex things here 11:28

Sent Message: ))) i did not hear what you just yelled 11:30

Received Message:I said do NOT touch this. 11:31

Received Message:You asshole why are you going through my stuff!! 11:32

Received Message:Give me a minute. 11:32

Sent Message: 😽❤️❤️ 11:33

Whatsapp chat with: Ilya

What are you doing? I’m waiting for you in the car, and now we’re going to be late. 16:49

Received Message:we will not we’re literally going to be there 30 minutes early 16:51

Received Message:but maybe if it is already ruined we do not go? why waste our time on hayden 16:52

Because he and Jackie are my friends and I want them to meet my boyfriend. 15:53

Are you delaying this on purpose? Why aren’t you there? 15:54

i’m not! 15:55

i told you i will meet them for you 15:55

my curls are just not doing what i want them to do, is annoying( 15:56

i want to make a good impression on your stupid no good hockey player friend 15:57

He’s not a bad player. 15:58

Okay. I’m coming back in to help you baby. 15:59

Whatsapp chat with: Ilya

Received Message:i am cold and alone 08:31

Sent Message: 08:31

You said you were too sleepy to come grocery shopping with me! 08:32

Received Message:yes мой тостер because who goes shopping for food this early in the morning? 08:33

My toaster? 08:35

It’s less crowded this way, and now I’m familiar with the cashier that works at this specific time during the week. 08:36

do you want nude 08:37

If you send anything while I’m in the store I am not even looking at you for the rest of the day. 08:38

Sent Message: 😢   08:38

can you buy some chocolate bars please? 08:40

There are some in the pantry, in the cupboard on the left side. 08:42

They’re all for you, I don’t really eat any of this stuff. 08:43

Replying to: You
There are some in the pantry, in the cupboard on the left side.
not anymore 08:44

What? 08:45

can you also buy gummy bears please? 08:46

iMessage

Whatsapp chat with: Shane 😽💌

Sent Message: 15:02

<

the pack!! 15:05

Sent Message: ❤️  15:05

Whatsapp chat with: Ilya

Have a safe flight. Text me when you get home. Love you. 16:54

Received Message:i’m home, miss you already 18:47

Good. 18:48

Not good that you miss me, but that you made it home safely. 18:49

I miss you too. 18:49

Received Message:you have gone back to the cottage? or did you leave for your apartment already 18:50

No, I’m still at the cottage. I need to clean and store some things before I leave. 18:51

why did you not let me help do that when i was there??? 18:52

but okay. good. maybe you should check in your bedside table 18:52

i think you have some mail 18:53

Моя любовь

Shane,

I am writing you something to read for when I am back in Boston. It is not like some of the letters that I have sent in the past, full of things that I could not get myself to admit anywhere put on paper.

No, more simply than that, writing a letter is something that is pretty romantic, no?
I would have never thought of myself as someone that craves these kinds of romances and big, sappy gestures, but with you, I want it all. And I want to do it all in return.

I remember, long long time ago, that you told me not to sign my letters “with love” to you, because we did not know each other. I remember your words clearly, because they made me laugh. I tried to imagine who could be this really uptight Canadian boy, getting so annoyed at me from the other end of the world that he could not help but write back.

I would say that you were wrong to correct me, because I think that since the beginning I knew that I would love you.

Right now you are in the kitchen, making your terrible smoothie. When I am done I will come join you, and I will drink it because I know you will make two.

I will pretend that it is not the worst thing I have ever tasted. Or maybe I will successfully distract you with something way more fun.

But it does not really matter, because I want everything with you. All that you will give me, I take.

We will see each other again soon. Я всегда рядом. Я люблю тебя.I'm always near you. I love you.

С любовью и сердцем,With love and heart,
Ilya

Whatsapp chat with: Ilya

i think you have some mail 18:53

Ilya. You're going to make me want to cry. 19:01

It's funny how alike we think, sometimes. 19:02

Received Message:yes? why do you say that? 19:04

Maybe you should check the inside pocket of your travel bag. 19:05

To Ilya

Dear Ilya,

I wonder how long it’ll take you to find this. I would hope that you won’t wait days to unpack your travel belongings.
Anyway, it wouldn’t be fitting for us to part ways without a letter, right? I thought that it would be something you’d enjoy.

When I used to tell people around me that I send letters to a guy I had never met, and who uses half of his limited paper space to try to get a rise out of me, they often asked me “why?”

And I used to ask myself the same thing. Why am I writing back? Why am I so invested, why do I want to share, and know more?

I’m not sure, still, what kept me so curious at first. What I do know is that I’ve never been more glad for anything. For your letters, and your company, and all of your attention. For how stubborn you were, pushing me to write back.

For all of you, for accepting me as I am, for being yourself around me.

I feel so honored to hold your heart in my hands. To have been given something so important.

I’ll take care of it. I hope that you will remember this, and that it will make the sadness that you keep deep within you, but rarely show, ease a little.

This letter is a reminder that I hope you’ll keep close. You could read it a hundred of times, and I will still mean every word.

I've never known myself to be a poet before you. But also, I’ve never loved anyone like I love you.

I will see you soon,
Shane

Whatsapp chat with: Shane 😽💌

Maybe you should check the inside pocket of your travel bag. 19:05

shane 19:14

я люблю тебя всей душойi love you with all my heart 19:15

Received Message:I love you with all my heart and more. 19:16

i thought we were not doing the “me more” thing 19:17

Received Message:No, you are not doing it. I decided that I can. 19:18

what? is unfair!!! 19:18

Whatsapp chat with: Shane 😽💌

Sent Message: мой салатmy salad you are home? i got message that they will deliver the new washing machine today 11:02

Received Message:Salad? 11:04

Received Message:Noted. I’m at the park near the apartment with Anya, we’ll make our way back in a bit. 11:04

💖💖💖 i wish i was also there. stupid saturday work 11:05

can you send a picture? 11:05

Sent Message: 11:08

shane you are very beautiful 11:09

but i meant picture of anya 11:10

Jeez, sorry. 11:11

Maybe when you get back I'll just leave you alone with her. 11:12

nooo i love the picture i love it a lot i saved it i miss you 11:14

but please anechka picture 11:15

Sent Message: 11:17

my princess 💖🐶💖🐕💖 11:20

her natural aegyo is so refreshing 11:21

Okay? 11:22

What does that mean? 11:22

that she is very cute. is new expression the neighbours kids have teached me 11:24

How are the kids always a worse influence on you than you are on them? 11:25

i adapt easily and i learn fast 😼 11:26

So could I say that your "natural aegyo" is refreshing? Does that work? 11:27

shane 11:27

i am abandoning this meeting right now i will be there soon do not move 11:29

Please don’t. 11:30

Ilya answer me please tell me you didn’t really leave the meeting. 11:39

Whatsapp chat with: Ilyusha

Hey. Dinner with mom and dad tomorrow night. 17:02

Can you buy eggs while you're still at the mall? We’re out and I told them we’d bring dessert. 17:03

Received Message:what do you want me to make? 17:07

No, i will bake, don’t worry about it. 17:09

I thought I'd make some brownies. 17:09

you will bake brownies? 17:10

Well, I saw a recipe for some veggie brownies the other day. I thought maybe I could try that for a change? 17:11

shane 17:11

is what you feed babies to try to make them eat green 17:12

you do not have to do that. you can eat your vegetables and brownies separately 17:13

Replying to: Ilyusha
is what you feed babies to try to make them eat green
It's "eat their greens" 17:14

And I just wanted to try something different! The reviews are good! 17:15

It’s not a bad thing to try to eat healthier. 17:15

i know 17:16

but if you want healthy tomorrow you do not have to make brownies, yes? 17:16

But you like brownies. And my mom does too. 17:17

i like a lot of things 17:18

and also i like baking with you 17:18

so i will go buy some things and we will do something else together, yes? something with fruits maybe? 17:19

Yeah, okay. Sounds good. 17:20

good 💖 see you in a bit малышbaby 17:21

Love you. 17:21

I will still try the veggie brownies another day. I’m curious to know if it really works. 17:25

i know you will. i will try them with you even if i know i will not like. love you 17:26

Whatsapp chat with: Shane 😽💌

Sent Message: jade told me that i am her favorite uncle! 😛 12:45

Received Message:Bullshit. 12:47

Received Message:You’re at Hayden’s? 12:47

i am. but pike is not here 12:48

jackie asked me if i was free today to come help and the girls wanted to see me (because i am the favorite uncle) 12:49

what are you doing? 12:50

Rose is taking me to brunch in a bit. It’s some fancy place she often goes to and apparently swears by. 12:52

you will send me pictures? i want to see 12:53

Sure) 12:53

Replying to: You
jade told me that i am her favorite uncle! 😛
It’s not true, right? The kids wouldn't pick a favorite. 12:54

you are sad that you aren’t the cool uncle they want to play with? 12:55

I’m not sad because it’s not true. Jade told me she loves me just the other day. 12:57

yes but not as much as me! 12:58

you are upset? 13:05

hello 13:18

I called Jackie and she confirmed that you’re lying. 13:24

you called jackie for this?? you can't do that! 12:25

Whatsapp chat with: Ilyusha

Sent Message: I'm going to kill you. 15:13

Received Message:))) sorry sorry 15:14

Received Message:but also you are the one who decided to answer! is shared guilt 15:15

Received Message:is fine they do not really care моя любовьmy love 15:15

This is so embarrassing. 15:16

will i still get my massage mr hollander? 15:17

Obviously. 15:18

Whatsapp chat with: Ilyusha

Received Message:you know barrett? 13:07

Received Message:the forward that came from toronto 13:08

Received Message:i think he is gay 13:08

What??? 13:15

Why do you say that? 13:15

Received Message:i have a special sense for these things 😈🧠🏳️‍🌈 13:16

Received Message:but also we talk often now when i come see the team at practice and he just told me himself 13:17

Wow. 13:18

I never would’ve guessed. And I saw him for a check-up just earlier. 13:18

i know, your radar is really broken. is why i am sharing with you 13:19

Shut up. 13:19

Why did he tell you? Is he seeing anyone? Does he plan on coming out? 13:21

you are mr gossip now? 13:22

Well, you started it! 13:23

)) i do not know the details but i think he has a crush on the social media guy 13:24

Harris??? 13:24

yes. you know harris is gay right? you did not miss the hundred of pride pins on his jacket? 13:25

No I know Harris is gay, we talk sometimes. 13:26

It’s just a surprising match-up. 13:26

you know, we are also surprising 13:27

every time i tell someone here that we are dating they do not believe me 13:28

barrett did not believe me! 13:28

Replying to: Ilyusha
every time i tell someone here that we are together they do not believe me
Really? How often does that happen? 13:29

i have been telling a lot of people 13:30

just so they are not surprised when i start talking about my shane 13:31

Please at least remain professional, we can't keep getting reprimanded. 13:32

But I’ve been telling people too. Do you think we’ve been sharing the same information to the same people and they just act shocked? 13:33

that would be funny 13:34

i like when you tell people that we are together 13:35

Well, yes. I also want them to not be surprised when I talk about my baby. 13:37

блять fuck hollander you are always doing that on purpose 13:38

do you really say my baby when you talk about me to other people? are you on break? how much longer do you have? 13:39

Well, look who's Mr. Curious now. 13:40

very funny. can you answer 13:41

I have about 20min. Also, I’m alone. 13:42

And sometimes I do, yes. 13:42

Received Message: 13:43

Dear Ilya

Or should I say ‘Dear future Ilya’? I think it will be a long while before you get to read this. To give you an idea of when I am writing this, it has been about half a year since we first saw each other at the cottage.

“So soon, Hollander, you couldn't wait?” you will say, I can already imagine it. And I will say “no, I wanted to make the vision clear in my head, even back then."

I couldn’t wait, because I know that it will happen, in some years when we are both ready. It’s you or it’s no one, for me. And I hope it will still be the same for you.

I hope that by now, when I show you this, we’re settled somewhere together. That we’re good, and happy, and succeeding in what we’re doing. I hope that there’s nothing burdening either of us, and that as you're reading this you can guess where this letter is going and be as excited as I will surely be.

For this occasion, I wanted to go all the way back and take inspiration from the first words you ever wrote to me. So, if I may,

Hello. You are looking for a husband in Ottawa? My name is Shane (Шейн) and I am interested.

Ilya Rozanov, will you marry me?

I will make sure to say those words to you, face to face, when the time is right. But as you said yourself, letters are pretty romantic, yes? It is only fitting.

I look forward to a future with you.

Yours, hopefully forever,
Shane Hollander