Rating:

Explicit

Archive Warning:

No Archive Warnings Apply

Category:

M/M

Fandoms:

Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid, Game Changers | Heated Rivalry - All Media Types, Heated Rivalry (TV)

Relationships:

Shane Hollander/Ilya Rozanov, Shane Hollander & Hayden Pike, Troy Barrett & Ilya Rozanov

Characters:

Ilya Rozanov, Shane Hollander, Hayden Pike, Troy Barrett, Svetlana Vetrova, Rose Landry, Miles (Game Changers), Harris Drover

Additional Tags:

Sexclub owner Ilya Rozanov, NHL star Shane Hollander, soft dom, Dom/sub, sexclub, queer club, Sexual Kinks, being watched, Shane gets his dick sucked by someone else while Ilya watches, Ilya being in control, Edging, blowjob, Orgasm Control, Orgasm Denial, Anal Fingering, Shane is a slut for Rozanov, thumb sucking, POV Alternating, AU, Alternate Univese, Ilya crushing hard while trying not to, Shane getting addicted to Ilya, Begging, Supportive Hayden, Loyal Hayden, Anal Sex, Mentions of Sexual Assault, Mentions of Suicide, Shane Hollander/original male character - Freeform, Happy Ending

Language:

English

Series:

Part 6 of Heated Rivalry oneshots

Stats:

Published: 2026-04-05 Completed: 2026-06-14 Words: 46,885 Chapters: 8/8

Teach Me (How To Let Go)

Summary

Shane Hollander has been keeping his sexuality hidden from the world his entire life. He has even successfully hidden it from himself for a very long time to a point where he still isn’t convinced that he is gay. Just curious. (it might just be a phase) In order to figure out for sure, he has been convinced to go to a very private and safe queer sexclub, where he can explore without fear of getting outed.
There is only one problem. The owner of the club is a super-hot, Russian man that won’t stop flirting with Shane, shattering Shane’s idea of him liking men just being a phase.

Notes

Notes:
I’m going to be honest and tell you guys that I have been internally debating for a while if I should publish this or not, because of everything that is happening to other writers in this fandom. But I’ve decided that I am lucky enough to have amazing and supportive readers, whom I want to spoil just to show my appreciation, which is why I am now sharing this oneshot with you.
There might be a part two (And three) coming, but I can’t promise anything right now. My personal life (and worklife) is currently shit and I am also working on 3 other WIP’s (One being a Hollanov Actor AU) so I’m not sure if I’ll be able to actually write the second and third part that I have planned.
Anyway, thank you everyone for all your kudos, comments and sharing. Without you guys being so supportive, I would never have published this, and only shared it with my personal friends.
Thank you, thank you, thank

Chapter 1

“This is a bad idea.” Shane mutters low as they enter the building. It looks like a completely typical office building, and not some private high-end queer sex-club. “Are we sure Rose got the address right from Miles?”

“Uhm…” Hayden looks around, seemingly just as confused as Shane. “I don’t know. Maybe not.”

Shane truly appreciates Hayden going with him. When he had told Hayden about his suspicion he might be into guys more than he is into girls, he had always expected Hayden to be supportive, just not to this level. Asking Rose to talk to Miles about how gay or bi actors would find someone to hook up with secretly without being caught, had been Hayden’s idea. All because he was worried Shane would never be able to actually figure out his sexuality for real. And then never be able to live a full life.

“I’m texting her.” Shane pulls out his phone and sends her a quick text. A few seconds later, one returns. “She says it’s the right place. That we need to go to the front desk and ask for an Ilya Rozanov.”

“Alright.” Hayden quickly moves over to the front desk, acting extremely determined and almost impatient. Like he is afraid Shane will change his mind and run away if they don’t find the club quickly. And truthfully, he might be right. “Hi,” Hayden smiles at the guy behind the desk. “We’re looking for Ilya Rozanov.”

The guy looks up and down Hayden for a second, clearly not impressed. “Who should I say is asking?”

“Hayden Pike.” Hayden then gestures to Shane. “And Shane Hollander.” The guy’s face lights up.

“Oh. Mr. Hollander. I didn’t see you at first. Welcome. Let me just get Mr. Rozanov for you.”

“What the hell?” Hayden mumbles under his breath as the guy turns around and disappears into a room behind the desk. “Am I suddenly a fucking nobody?”

Shane tries to hide his grin and just shrugs. Unfortunately for poor Hayden, this happens a lot. “I’m sorry, man.”

“Mr. Rozanov is ready to see you now. Please take the elevator to the right and press the button for the third floor.”

“Mr. Hollander.” A man with a heavy accented voice, who Shane suspects to be Ilya Rozanov, greets them when they leave the elevator. “And… Friend.”

“PIKE! Hayden Pike.” Hayden grumbles, clearly extremely annoyed.

“Okay.” Rozanov lets his eyes wander over Hayden for a while then back to Shane.

“Seriously?”

“I am sorry, but I do not know you. I know Shane Hollander. The star of the Montreal Metros.”

“I play for the metros too. Asshole.”

“Hayden.” Shane warns. “Calm down.”

“Okay. But no star.” Rozanov shrugs. “We only take in high profile clients.” He narrows his eyes at Hayden. “Stars. Celebrities. People who are famous and will get recognized often. Not NHL players who usually sits on the bench.”

“I don’t fucking….” Hayden growls, and Shane puts a calming hand on his shoulder.

“Listen.” Shane says to Rozanov. “Hayden is my best friend. And a great fucking player. I don’t believe for a second that you haven’t heard about him. I think you are just being an asshole, and I don’t have the time or patience for assholes.”

A slow crooked smirk appears on the guy’s face. “You are right.” He shrugs like it is no big deal. “I have heard of Hayden Pike. But I do not recognize his face. And If I do not recognize, other people probably do not recognize. That means he is not like our usual clientele.”

“So what?” Shane crosses his arms over his chest. “You should treat possible clients with some level of respect.”

“And the possible client is you.” The way Rozanov looks at Shane makes him think that he can see right through Shane’s carefully build walls, and strip all the bullshit away. See him for who he truly is. It makes Shane a bit uneasy but at the same time very intrigued about the guy. “Yes?” he asks when Shane has just stared at him blankly for a full minute. “It is not…” Rozanov gestures towards Hayden without looking away from Shane “…Mr. 15^th best player in Montreal.”

“You are an asshole.” Hayden grumbles, then turns to Shane. “Are you sure you want to be a part of something this idiot owns?”

Shane can’t tear his eyes away from Rozanov. Not when he is looking at him like this. Like he knows him. Maybe even better than Shane knows himself. And when Rozanov raises an eyebrow in question, it is almost as if he is saying: Are you chickening out? And Shane knows he doesn’t have a choice. Maybe he never really did.

“Yeah.” he nods. “I’m sure.”

“Jeeeez… You really want dick, huh.”

“Shut up, Hayden.” Shane blushes and Rozanov laughs.

“Then you have come to right place.” Rozanov spreads his arms out and turns, gesturing to the entire room.

Shane looks over Rozanov’s shoulder, frowning. This really isn’t what he had expected at all. There is nothing but mostly empty offices, white walls and wide hallways.

“Are you sure? It doesn’t really look like much.”

“Of course not. This is secret place. Very private. Access by invite only. And if random person accidentally end up on this floor they will see nothing but office space. Now,” he gestures for Shane and Hayden to follow him, “come with me.” He leads them through one of the offices and then to a different elevator. One that doesn’t go down to the lobby. It seems to start on the third floor and goes up. Further up than the other elevator they were just in, Shane notices.

“This is the only access point for the club. And you can only activate this by a membership card. With you will get when you sign up.” Rozanov pulls out a black card that resembles a normal credit card, but with nothing written on it. “This card will also give you access to private rooms and VIP areas. If you want to be VIP member of course.”

“What does a VIP membership include?”

Rozanov smirks, swipes the card and pushes a button for the 5^th floor. “You will see.”

As soon as the elevator door opens, Shane can feel – as much as hear – the loud music seeping out from the closed doors across the room. His heart starts beating fast. Almost in sync with the music. Fuck, what has he gotten himself into? What has he gotten Hayden into? He casts a glance at his best friend who looks just as nervous as Shane feels. Shane smiles at his friend and gets a shaky smile back. God, Shane can’t believe Hayden is willing to do this for him. Go to a queer sex-club just so Shane doesn’t have to do this alone. Neither of them really knowing what they will see once they go through those doors.

*****

“This is the club area,” Ilya points to the map showing the layout of the entire building. He has found that giving an introduction of the place before entering the club, helps newcomers relax, and Shane Hollander definitely seems like someone who needs to know where everything is before going inside. “It is mostly like a normal club. With only queer people, of course. There will be the occasional heavy make out sessions, but most of the explicit stuff goes on in the semi-private alcoves back here,” he points the area furthest away from the elevator. “Or on the next floor, where there are more private rooms available for the VIP members. There is also a secluded VIP area where there is music, a bar and people fucking openly.”

He can see Hollander swallow visibly by that statement.

“Right… so more privacy for the VIP members unless they don’t want that.”

“Yes.” Ilya nods. “And to make sure everyone is safe, you have to provide documentation that shows  you have been tested recently and continue to provide proof of new tests frequently. Everyone also signs NDA’s protecting everyone’s identity.”

“Good.” Hollander nods. “Sounds really good. I like that.”

“The club provides lube and condoms. You can find it in any room. Also, the bars will always be stocked up with it too. Just ask.”

“Right. Ask… sure.”

Ilya can’t resist smiling at Hollander. He sounds so nervous. No wonder he had to bring a wingman for this. A straight wingman, who even looks less freaked out than Hollander himself.

“Don’t panic.” His friend whispers low. Probably so Ilya won’t hear.

“I’m not.” Hollander whispers back.

“You are. But you don’t have to. It’s going to be okay.”

“Of course it is.” Ilya interrupts. He doesn’t even consider pretending not to have heard. “This is good club. Safe. No worries needed.”

“Do you mind?” The friend, Pike, glares at Ilya. “This is a private conversation.”

“Hmm. Not really.” Ilya shrugs. “If it was private, you wouldn’t be talking loud enough for me to hear.”

“Fuck off. You are making things worse.”

“How?”

“By existing.” Pike responds quickly. Almost gaining Ilya’s respect with that comeback.

“no, it’s okay.” Hollander says. “I’m good. Not panicking. Like, just because I’m here it doesn’t mean I have to sleep with anyone, right? I can just… observe.”

“Kinky.” Ilya winks and Hollander blushes instantly. So fucking cute.

“No, I mean… fuck…” He takes a deep breath then continues. “I have never been with a man so I’m a bit…. Nervous I guess.”

“Oh.” That throws Ilya for a loop. His gaydar had gone off instantly when meeting him. Learning he has never explored that side of himself is surprising. Kind of devastating even.

“I’m not a virgin.” He quickly says. “Just never been with a man.”

“But he is attracted to men.” His friend apparently feels the need to justify their presence at a queer club.

“I figured he might be.” Ilya responds flatly.

“Yeah and… uhm… I just want to know if it’s just like a phase or something. Without the risk of getting caught. I don’t want to lose my career over something that might not even be anything, you know.”

Wow.

Shane Hollander is so deep into the closet that he is mistaking it for a house.

So damn oblivious.

“Sure.” Ilya says without conviction, then he hurries things along, so he doesn’t accidentally laugh at this poor clueless guy. “You will get normal access for today as a trial run. If you sign up as member, you get a card. If you choose to be VIP member you get different card. Now, I just need document of you two being clean before entering the club.”

“Uhm…” Pike suddenly seems uneasy. “I don’t have one. I didn’t know I needed it to get in. Only if I was going to… you know. And I’m not. I’m married.”

“Other people in here are married.” Ilya states flatly. In honesty he likes that Pike only mentioned his marriage as the reason for not wanting to hook up with anyone, and not him being straight.

“Okay. But I don’t cheat.” Pike crosses his arms over his chest.

“They don’t necessarily either.” Ilya mirrors Pikes stance. “Open relationships exist. Polyamorous exists.”

“I know that, asshole! I’m in a monogamous marriage. Better?”

“Yes.” Ilya smirks. It’s fun getting under this guy’s skin. “But you can’t come in without document of clean health.”

“Fuck.” Hollander mutters low. Now, seemingly even more nervous. Ilya has a feeling that he won’t enter the club without his stupid friend.

“Okay,” Ilya says. “I will make exception. But you can only sit at the bar. Where I can see you. Or my manager can see you. No hooking up at any time.”

“Hadn’t planned on it.”

“Not everyone plans on it, but it still happens.”

“It won’t happen.” Pike says confidently. “I fucking adore my wife. She is the best thing that has ever happened to me, and I will never jeopardize that.”

Ilya believes him. And he is also maybe a bit jealous of him and his wife.

To be loved like that.

“Okay. But still stay at bar.”

“Of course.” Then Pike turns to Shane, a hand on his shoulder. “You good here, buddy?”

“Yes… maybe… I don’t know.” His breathing has turned shallow and he looks terrified.

“I’ll be right at the bar at all times, okay.”

“Okay. Yes. Good.”

“Good?” Ilya asks to confirm before opening the doors to the club.

“Yes. Good. I’m ready.”

Once inside, Ilya takes them to the bar first. The music is loud and the room crowded. It is always crowded. He grabs Pike by the shoulders and pushes him down on a barstool.

“You stay here. At all times.”

“What if I have to pee?” Pike glares at Ilya. He apparently likes to test boundaries.

“Then you hold it. Or ask for empty beer bottle”

“Asshole.” He mutters but Ilya ignores him. “This is Troy.” He introduces Shane. “He is one of my managers. If I am not here, he will be. Or Svetlana. The other manager. This place is always open for VIP members. But during the day, the music is not as loud and there is often a hockey game on tv.”

“Wait,” Shane says as he reaches out to shake Troy’s hand. “You are Troy Barrett. You used to play for Toronto, right?”

“Yeah.” Troy shrugs. Ilya can tell he is uncomfortable. He hates talking about that time. Not that Ilya blames him.

“Didn’t you get traded to Ottawa after the….”

“The Dallas Kent situation. Yes.” Troy says. “But I didn’t last long. I just… I couldn’t do it anymore, you know. The love for the game wasn’t enough. Not with everything else going on.”

“I’m sorry.” Hollander says and Ilya has no doubt he really means it.

“It is what it is. But now I’m here.” Troy smiles at Ilya. “This guy helped me get back on track.”

“You are good guy, Barrett. You just needed reminding. And one day you will return to hockey. I have no doubt.”

“I don’t think so.” Troy’s smile fades. “Once you are out, you are out.”

“Don’t be so sure.” Ilya has been pulling a few strings. Having this place has provided him with a lot of contacts within the hocky world. If Troy ever wants to go back to hockey, Ilya will make it happen.

When he turns his attention back to Hollander, the guy is looking at him with something in his eyes that Ilya can only describe as respect. And maybe a bit of adoration. It makes Ilya’s heart speed up a bit.

“So,” he hears himself say, “if you need anything do not hesitate to tell Troy. He will help.”

“Thank you.” Hollander says then sits down next to Pike. “I think I need to start with a drink. Liquid courage and all that.”

Ilya nods then head behind the bar as Troy is making the drinks.

“Come get me if it seems like he is planning to leave the club.” Ilya whispers and Troy nods.

Ilya hasn’t been in his office long before Troy knocks, then sticks his head in.

“I think he is on the verge of leaving.”

Ilya sighs. “That was faster than expected.” Ilya gets up. “Has he even left the bar?”

“Nope.” Troy holds the door open for Ilya as he exits the office. “Hasn’t even finished his drink.”

And then Ilya sees it. Hollander is already standing, clearly wanting to leave and Pike seems to be trying to persuade him to stay a bit longer. When he approaches, he can hear that it is exactly what Pike is doing.

“You haven’t really given it a fair chance.” He says. “I know I was the one who wasn’t really sure about the asshole of an owner, but this seems to be a great place. I think it could be good for you.”

“I’m just… oh… hi.” Hollander looks like he has been caught doing something illegal when he notices Ilya.

“You are leaving?”

“Yeah… uhm… I don’t really like clubs and… uhm. It’s just a bit overwhelming.”

“What is? Tell me what is overwhelming. Maybe I can help.”

Ilya really wants Shane to stay. And no matter how much he tries to convince himself it is just about getting another member, he knows it’s not. He has been in awe of Shane Hollander since he saw him play on the ice for the first time.

“Everything, actually. The music. The crowded room. Everything.”

“Okay.” Ilya nods. “I have idea. I will take you to VIP area. Less crowded. Lower music. More calm.”

“I don’t know…”

“You should go.” Pike says. “Give it a chance.”

“Really? You want me to go with the guy you think is an asshole?”

“Yeah.” Pike shrugs. “He is an asshole. Not a predator. He will make sure you are safe and feel comfortable. Right?” Pike looks at Ilya. A clear indication of I will fucking kill you if anything happens to him. And Ilya respects that. A lot.

“Yes.” Ilya agrees. “I will take care of him.”

Eventually, Shane agrees and Ilya takes him to the next floor. Leaving Hayden to be watched over by Troy.

He guides Shane into the room right before the VIP area. A locker-room kind of thing. Just cozier.

“What is this?” Hollander asks.

“There are rules to VIP area.” Ilya explains. “First of, you have to strip down to underwear.”

“Okay…” Shane starts undressing and Ilya has to force himself to not stare. Then he undresses too.

“You can leave you clothes in my locker, since you do not have one yet.” Ilya opens his private locker, and Shane puts his things inside.

“What are the other rules?”

“No one Is allowed to touch anyone without verbal consent. If it is a couple in a dom/sub relationship, the dom is the one to give consent. The sub is under the dom’s protection.”

“Okay. Makes sense.”

“There will be people fucking out in the open. This is one open room where people fuck and watch each other.”

“Jesus…”

“Do not worry. You can just watch. No one expects anything of you.”

“Alright.” He nods. “I can do that.”

“There are three VIP Area options.” Ilya takes him to the end of the locker-room, showing him the three doors. “One is for women only. One is for men and women. And last one is for men only.”

“The last one.” Shane says without hesitation, proving Ilya’s theory right. Shane Hollander is very gay.

Ilya nods and opens the door. The room is large with a lot of couches and benches and chairs along the walls of the room. At the end wall, there is one wide chair. Ilya’s chair. Or Troy’s, if he ever wants to use it. He hasn’t so far. Not to Ilya’s knowledge. The other rooms have similar chairs. For him, Troy or Svetlana.

In the middle of the room, a bed is centered on a platform. Visible from every angle of the room. Right now, the bed is empty. Ilya knows it won’t stay empty for long. People like showing off in here. And Ilya likes to watch.

“Come.” He gestures for Shane to follow and makes his way through the room, feeling the gaze of every single man that is already fucking, sucking or getting sucked off. He knows he always has everyone’s attention entering the room. But this time, he also knows he is sharing that attention with Hollander. And he doesn’t mind that at all.

“Where are we….?” Ilya stops in front of the large comfortable chair. “Oh.”

“This is my chair. You will sit on my lap. Watching.” Ilya knows he might be pushing things a bit too far, but he is very curious if Hollander will agree to it. Most men in here would jump at the chance. Maybe Shane will too?

“Okay.” He agrees. Not as enthusiastically as Ilya has hoped, but it will do. For now.

“Good.” Ilya sits down and pats his thighs. Shane climbs onto his lap, his back against Ilya’s chest. “Put your legs over mine.” Ilya instructs. “I control how wide you spread them.”

“Fuck…” Shane mumbles but does as instructed.

Once they are seated in the way Ilya wants, he makes sure Shane is watching the men making out in the room.

“Look at them.” Ilya whispers low. “Listen to it. Take in the moans. Let it fill you up.” He can feel Shane move around a bit in his lap, making Ilya’s dick grow harder. “Do you like it?” He asks as he widens his legs a bit, making Shane’s legs spread wider too.

“Yes.” Shane mumbles low. “I do.” Ilya isn’t sure if he is talking about the view, the sounds or Ilya’s dick that is hardening against his ass, but he doesn’t really care either way. All he cares about is how he can tell Shane is getting hard too. His breath shallow and eyes focused on what is happening in front of him.

“Do you want me to touch you?” Ilya has no doubt that Shane is wildly turned on. He is practically squirming in Ilya’s lap, barely containing his excitement and lust. Shane drops his head back onto Ilya’s shoulder, breathing heavily with his eyes shut. Ilya can tell he is mentally debating if he should say yes or not. And honestly, Ilya has no idea what he is going to do if it’s a no. He will definitely have to leave, because he can’t keep refraining from touching Hollander. Not when he is looking like this. His legs spread wide. His erection straining against the cotton of his underwear. His breath heavy and his body already glistening with sweat.

“Yes…” He finally says. The word so low Ilya is almost afraid he only imagined it.

“Are you sure?” He asks. Just in case.

“Fuck… yes, Rozanov. Touch me.” Shane groans. “… please.”

Ilya swallows dryly, then puts his lips against the skin right behind Shane’s ear. Kissing it lightly as he reaches around and lets his fingers run softly over Shane’s erect cock. The whimpers and soft moans coming from Shane’s lips is nearly taking Ilya out. Killing him right there on the spot.

Ilya spreads his legs wider, making Shane’s legs spread wider too, and his moaning grows louder. Ilya knows everyone is watching them. Shane Hollander definitely knows how to put on a show.

“So desperate to be touched.” Ilya’s lips are right at Shane’s ear. “You have been waiting for it for so long, haven’t you? Denying yourself this pleasure.”

“Yes… fuck… I’ve been stupid.”

“yes, you have.” Ilya agrees. “But not anymore. You will let yourself indulge in sexual pleasure now.” And I will help you. Ilya stops himself from saying the last part out loud.

“Yes…” Shane monas the word just as Ilya slips his hand underneath the cotton barrier. “Oh fuck…” Shane tightens his grip he has on Ilya’s thigs. The marks Shane will leave from digging his fingers into the hard muscles, are something Ilya feels he will be able to treasure for a while.

“Fuck, you look beautiful like this. Falling a part in my lap. By my hand.” Ilya lets his eyes wander over the other people in the room. “Everyone is watching you. Mesmerized by seeing the Golden Boy of hockey get pleasured.”

“Fuck…” Shane squirms again in Ilya’s lap, his ass grinding against Ilya’s hard cock and he has to take a very deep breath to not fucking come right there.

“You like it, don’t you? Being watched? Being adored? Knowing everyone is fucking frantically because you are turning them on.”

“Fuck… shit... stop… stop...” Ilya stops moving his hand instantly. “Shit…” Shane breathes hard. “I nearly came…”

“And that is bad thing?” Ilya asks, genuinely confused.

“Yes. No... I mean…” Shane takes another deep breath. “I just don’t want this to be over yet.”

Ilya can’t stop his face from splitting into a shit-eating grin.

“So, you are sex addict now?”

“Fuck you.” Shane breaths out. Still barely back from the edge.

“Oh.” Ilya spots a guy who seems to have gathered the courage to approach them. “I think someone wants you.”

Shane opens his eyes and Ilya can feel him tense up in his lap. But he doesn’t move away. Or panic. Only gets tense.

“Fuck… you two look so fucking hot…” The guy – an actor Ilya has forgotten the name of - says. His eyes darting back and forth between Shane and Ilya. “Can I maybe suck your dick? While you sit in Rozanov’s lap?” The guy asks but Shane doesn’t respond for a few seconds. Then he turns his head and looks at Ilya. He looks at Ilya for permission. As if Ilya is his dom.

Fuck!

Shane Hollander will be the death of him.

*****

Rozanov is gazing intensely into Shane’s eyes. Probably trying to see what Shane wants. Afterall, Shane has just put Ilya in charge of Shane’s possible sexual pleasure. But Shane feels much better letting him decide. So far, everything Rozanov has done, has made Shane feel good. And safe. He trusts him with this decision too.

“Yes.” He eventually says, his eyes still locked onto Shane’s. “But you will not make him come.” Shane’s heartrate spikes.

Fuck. That’s so hot.

“Yes sir.” The guy says and drops to his knees in front of them. Making everything even fucking hotter. Shane can’t stop himself from following the guys every motion.

“And you,” Rozanov grabs Shane’s chin and turns his head back to face him. “You will let me know when you are about to come, yes?”

“Yes.” Rozanov just stares at him, not letting go of his chin. For a second, Shane is unsure if he is supposed to call him sir too, but then Ilya lets go.

“Good.” He hooks his thumbs in the waistband of Shane’s underwear. “Lift.” He demands and Shane obeys in seconds. He lifts his ass up off Ilya’s lap and he pulls Shane’s underwear down to his thighs. Then Shane sits back down. The guy is looking at them with wide dark eyes and a slack mouth. Rozanov nods at him, and without any verbal communication at all, the guy slowly pulls Shane’s underwear all the way off. Him and Rozanov never breaking eye contact at all.

Fuck. Why is that so hot? Why is Rozanov’s power over this guy making Shane even fucking harder? Why is them sharing Shane like this, so intriguing? Shane had no idea sex could be like this. Had he known, he might have jeopardized his career a long fucking time ago. Shane’s entire body is trembling with need. And he is sure Rozanov can tell. His featherlight touches on his thigh while staring the guy down, is driving Shane insane. He whines unintendedly. Impatiently. And Rozanov’s attention snaps back to him. His hands gripping Shane’s thighs harder now, spreading his legs – their legs- wider. He then nods to the guy again and finally, he takes Shane into his mouth.

“Oh… yes… fuck…” Shane drops his head back against Rozanov’s shoulder again, enjoying the pain form Rozanov’s hard grip on his thighs mixed with the warm, wet pleasure of his dick being buried in some guy’s mouth.

He knows he won’t last long. So, for now, he just tries to enjoy this overwhelming sensation as long as possible, but still being very aware of the fact he is not allowed to come. Not before Rozanov gives him permission.

“Da.” Rozanov says. “Just like that.” He can feel Rozanov’s breath ghost over the skin on his neck as he speaks. Shane opens his eyes and finds Rozanov’s head close to his, watching the guy that is sucking him off.

“Fuck…” Shane moans, completely turned on by how mesmerized Rozanov looks, then Rozanov turns to look at his face instead and Shane knows he is blushing hard.

“You love this, Hollander. I can tell.”

Shane bites his lips. He does fucking love it, but he isn’t going to say that. It will be too fucking embarrassing. Suddenly, probably prompted by Rozanov’s presence and his words, Shane feels his orgasm approaching so fast, he almost panics.

“FUCK. SHIT! I’m gonna… Arh… FUUUCK!”

“Stop!” Ilya demands sternly, and the guy stops moving instantly. And from the sounds surrounding them, everyone else does too.

Fuck. Another thing that is too fucking hot about Ilya Rozanov. He can verbally control an entire room.

Rozanov puts his hand on the base of Shane’s dick and squeezes.

“Jesus…” Shane mutters breathlessly.

“Now,” Rozanov instructs. “Open your mouth and pull off. Do not let your lips or tongue touch him. His orgasm isn’t yours to take.” Shane is breathing heavily while listening to Rozanov’s stern voice. “It is mine.”

“oh shit…. Don’t say stuff like that.” Shane complains before he stops himself. “You are gonna make me come right fucking now.”

“No. You will not come. You will be good for me and keep your orgasm under control. Yes?”

“Jesus Christ… yes… fuck… I’ll…”  Shane screws his eyes close as the guy slowly pulls off. “Oh God!” Shane cries out. It’s so fucking hard trying not to come. He forces himself to not think about Rozanov’s commands, the guy with his lips around his cock, Rozanov’s hard dick pushed against his ass and how this mother fucking Russian is being extremely possessive over Shane and his orgasm. Shane takes very deep breaths through his nose, and when the guy pulls off him without Shane shooting his load, Shane seriously has no idea how he was able to stop himself from coming.

 “well done.” Rozanov smirks at Shane as he slowly comes down from the edge and Shane glares at him.

“You are such a huge asshole, you know that?” Shane isn’t entirely sure why he is mad at Rozanov, but the fact that this idiot has such a big sexual power over Shane might be the main reason.

“Yes. I have heard it before.” The infuriation Russian grins at him. Clearly enjoying Shane’s frustration. “But you still did good. Now, turn around. I want you to face me.”

“Why?” Shane asks while already obeying him, straddling his thighs, his hard and leaking cock smearing precom on Rozanov’s briefs as he settles in.

“Because I want to see you face when I make you come.”

A flush of warmth rushes through Shane’s body, making him shiver visibly with need.

“Then you better make it good.” Shane stares the Russian down, as if his body haven’t just already let the guy know how much Shane is looking forward to Rozanov doing exactly that.

“So demanding.” Rozanov teases. “I like it.” Rozanov runs his fingers through Shane’s hair, then grabs a fistful of it and pulls his head back. Causing Shane to make a very embarrassing sound. “You clearly found your sexual confidence.” He brushes a finger over Shane’s lips. “It turns me on.” Then he slides his thumb into Shane’s mouth and Shane sucks it willingly. Proving just how big of a slut he suddenly is for Rozanov. “I want to finger you.” He says and Shane moans around the thumb in his mouth. “Have you ever had a finger inside you?” Shane shakes his head but keeps sucking. He likes the feeling of his thumb in his mouth. “No? not even your own?” Shane shakes his head again. “What a pity. But do not worry. I will make your first time feel good. And it will be shared with everyone here who are already dying to see you come.”

*****

Shane Hollander is even more intriguing than Ilya could ever have imagined. More willing to play and experiment. And Ilya have imagined Hollander in situations like this a lot.

To say Ilya has been crushing on Hollander for years, would not even be an overstatement. Not at all. So having Hollander show up at his club – Confirming his sexual orientation to be at least not entirely straight (Or very much gay, in Ilya’s opinion) – has been a fucking dream come true. But Hollander letting Ilya take charge of his sexual debut at this club is almost more than Ilya can fucking handle.

He will handle it, of course. And he will do a fucking amazing job at pleasuring Shane so he will sign up to be a member and hopefully let Ilya pleasure him many more times. Maybe even let him fuck Shane. God, that would be the fucking dream.

“Are you ready?” Ilya asks when he has slicked his finger up. He has used an extreme amount of lube, not caring if he makes a mess, just to be sure he won’t hurt Hollander in any way possible.

“Yeah… I think so.” Hollander’s voice is low and slightly nervous, but he also seems excited, so Ilya rubs the pad of his finger in circles around Shane’s entrance. “Fuck…” Hollander sighs and drops his forehead onto Ilyas shoulder. Shane is still straddling Ilya, facing him; but he is bend over more than before. His upper body pressed against Ilya’s chest, and his ass pushed out. “That actually feels really good.”

“Just wait.” Ilya whispers into Shane’s ear, making him shudder. “It will be even better in a moment.”

“Show me.”

Ilya smiles at Shane’s eagerness. God, he fucking love it.

Slowly, Ilya pushes the tip of his finger inside Shane, and Shane whimpers loudly, then puts his lips against Ilya’s shoulder to muffle his sounds. Ilya suspects he might be embarrassed about the sound he was making.

“You do not have to keep quiet. Everyone here would love to hear you. But if you prefer to stay quiet, you can bite down on my shoulder.” Ilya’s own cock twitches just by the thought of it. “I will not mind.” Apparently, that is all the encouragement Shane needs because not even a second later when Ilya pushes his finger in a bit deeper, Shane bites down on Ilya’s shoulder, muffling a moan. “Oh fuck.” Ilya’s eyes roll to the back of his head, momentarily losing the ability to finger Shane.

“I’m sorry.” Shane mumbles low when he releases Ilya’s shoulder.

“No.” Astonished and surprised by how much Shane affects Ilya, he finds himself unable to act as nonchalant as he usually does around a sexual partner in the club. “Do not apologize.” Ilya lets the back of his fingers run down Shane’s cheek, then brushes his thumb over Shane’s bottom lip. “It was hot.”

“Yeah?” Shane’s stunning dark eyes are locked on Ilya, and Ilya has to swallow hard to be able to answer.

“Yes. Made it hard for me not to come.”

“Oh… wow.” Ilya leans in and catches Shane’s lips in a soft kiss. Again, something he never normally does. Being the owner of a sexclub usually requires him to stay very detached and laidback with sexual partners so he won’t accidentally lead someone on. Considering most people in the club fantasizes about screwing the owner. Then, to stop himself from continuing to fail at following his own rules, he focusses on bringing Shane pleasure again. Slowly he twists his finger inside Shane slightly, nudging the prostate. “Fuuuuck…” Shane squirms then drops his forehead onto Ilya’s shoulder. “Fucking hell… that felt good.”

“I know.” Ilya says with a smirk. Then he does it again and Shane bites Ilya’s skin once more, making Ilya’s dick twitch. “Fuck, Hollander…”

“More…” Shane pants and puts an arm around Ilya’s neck for leverage, as he lifts his hips slightly and then sinks back down on Ilya’s finger again. Clearly desperate to be fucked. Like actually fucked. But all Ilya can do – if he wants to stay sane – is to add continue to fingerfuck him. He can’t put his dick inside Shane without getting lost in the man completely. He knows this for a fact. He is already too much under whatever spell Shane Hollander has put on him. Actually, Ilya thinks he might need to bring Shane to on orgasm quick, so he can create some physical distance between them if he doesn’t want to lose his fucking mind.

“You want more?” Ilya’s voice is low and rugged. Lathered with lust and desire.

“Yes… please.” He begs and Ilya has to take a deep breath to calm himself and not give in and fuck him.

“Okay.” Ilya adds a second finger, then twists them both, nudging his prostate again.

“Fuck… yes. Just like that… oh god…” Shane whimpers and Ilya can feel the sense of urgency in his body. He needs to get Shane off now, or he will fuck him. With that in mind, Ilya starts thrusting his fingers in and out of Shane, hitting the prostate with every thrust, making Shane moan and whimper on top of him. Even moving his hips with Ilya’s motions. Clearly wanting, no needing more and Ilya adds a third finger, pushing them knuckle deep inside Shane. Still thinking about how much he wants it to be his dick. How good it would make them both feel, if he just gave in to his desires. But just as Ilya is about to crack and surrender to his needs, he feels Shane’s orgasm ripple through him. “Ohhhh fuuckk!!” He cries out and erupts, splashing Ilya’s chest and stomach with his release.

*****

Shane thinks he should maybe feel a little bit embarrassed of how he has just completely fallen apart in Rozanov’s lap. Screaming and begging. And coming all over him, but he is too blissed out to care. Never in his life has he felt so good.

Sure, he has orgasmed before. Both by his own hands and from being with women, but nothing like this. Never anything like this.

“Jesus Christ…” Shane mutters as he watches his cum covering Ilya’s heaving chest. He can’t tear his eyes off it at all. Not even when Ilya slowly pulls his fingers out of Shane. He is still staring, completely mesmerized. “Why is that so hot?” He mumbles to himself.

“What is?” Ilya asks, tilting Shane’s head up with a finger under his chin, demanding his attention.

“Uhm…” Shane blushes and isn’t really sure if he should admit it, but eventually he decides that he doesn’t want to be embarrassed about it. “Seeing my cum on you.”

Ilya smirks lazily at him. “I think you like marking people.” He says and gestures to both the cum on his chest and the bitemark on his shoulder. Then he leans in and kisses Shane. No judgement. No shaming. Nothing but acceptance of Shane’s newfound weird kink.

When Ilya stops kissing Shane, he notices a slight shift in Ilya’s eyes. The heat and lust are gone. Then Ilya lifts Shane off his lap. “We should get cleaned up” he says.

“Oh right. Of course.”

“There are showers in there if you would like to clean up before leaving.” Ilya leads Shane back into the locker-room where they left their clothes. Shane is feeling worn out – in the best way possible – and his legs are still shaking slightly. Almost like he has been on the ice playing a game for hours.

“Thank you.” He says and heads in the direction of the showers. “Aren’t you coming too?” He asks, a slight blush creeping up on his cheeks. He really fucking wants to shower with Ilya. It takes a moment for Ilya to answer, like he is debating something, but eventually he nods.

“Sure.” He says. His voice a bit more stern than earlier. Not as flirting or inviting as he has been most of the time he has been talking to Shane. Which makes sense. He isn’t trying to convince Shane to do sex-stuff anymore. But Shane kind of misses the flirting. Maybe he will be flirting with Shane again next time he visits the club? If he decides to become a member of course.

Who are you fucking kidding? His own brain mocks him. You knew you would become a member ever since laying eyes on that hot Russian man. And Shane just sighs. His asshole of a brain is right. And he will probably even get the VIP membership. Because he might be slightly addicted to getting off in front of others now. Especially by Rozanov’s hands.

After the shower (That Shane had found a bit disappointing because Rozanov hadn’t joined him in the way he had hoped.) Ilya guides Shane back to the bar where Hayden is waiting. And Shane has to stifle a laugh. Hayden is getting hit on by Bradley Shaw, a five-time Oscar nominee, and he seems to be struggling with being starstruck while also trying to politely decline the advances. And Troy, the bartender, seems to be finding the whole thing very funny to watch.

“Your friend looks like he might need you to rescue him.” Ilya says, a smile returning on his face, and that alone makes Shane smile too.

“It looks like it.” He chuckles. “Your manager doesn’t seem to want me to, though.”

“Probably not.” Ilya grins. “He loves the entertainment, working in this club provides.” Ilya finally looks at Shane with the same sparkle in his eyes as before. “Let’s go help the bad hockey player.”

“He isn’t bad at hockey.” Shane complains but follows Ilya.

“Brad.” Ilya puts a hand on the actor’s shoulder. “You should not be lowering your standards that much.” He casts an exaggerated pitiful glance at Hayden, then back at Bradley. “You can do so much better.”

“Fuck you.” Hayden grumbles but Shane nudges him. For a moment Hayden seems to be fighting with the need to curse Ilya out, as much as the need to get away from the situation with the flirting actor. “Never mind.” He mumbles low, then turns to look at Shane. “You look…. Pleased.”

Shane knows he is turning completely red. “shut up.”

“So…. Are you going to be a member?” Hayden asks with a smile on his lips. “You look like you want to be a member.”

“I think…” Shane looks up at Ilya who is now grinning at him knowingly. “I’m gonna go for the VIP membership.”

Chapter 2

Chapter Notes

You guys have been so sweet and kind and supportive, that I just couldn't resist writing a second chapter for this story.
It hasn't been betaread or anything, but I hope there aren't too many mistakes.
Anyway, I hope you enjoy this.
Oh, and i'm currently working o a part 3 too. With Troy's POV.
- Love, Ayana

“Are you listening, Ilya?” Svetlana’s voice tears Ilya out of the daydreaming he had been doing. Fantasizing about Shane Hollander. His moans. His mouth. Those freckles. Because the fantasy is all Ilya has now, considering Shane hasn’t been back since that very first time and it has been almost two weeks.

“Clearly he isn’t.” Troy says and Ilya forcefully stops himself from thinking about Shane.

“Is not true.” Ilya says and sits up straighter. “I am listening.”

Svetlana looks like she wants to challenge him. Test him so she can catch him in the lie. It’s always been like that between them. No bullshit. Not even now that he is her boss. And Troy looks too gleeful about it in Ilya’s opinion. That boy is beginning to enjoy Svetlana’s directness with Ilya a bit too much.

“Do not lie to me, Ilya.” She says and Ilya can see the small smile on Troy’s mouth. He is torn between coming down hard on Troy to show him he is still the boss or just letting Troy enjoy watching his boss get lectured by the fierce woman that no man never will be able to stand up to. He chooses the last option. It’s not often that he sees Troy enjoying himself. It only comes in waves once in a while, and he likes that Troy is starting to feel like he is a part of the family here. That he is allowed to play around a bit. And also, that important and strong men doesn’t become less of a man when he is put in his place by a woman. That is something he knows Troy has had a hard time learning while growing up.

“I am not…” He starts but then she glares at him and he sighs and throws his hands up in surrender. “Fine! I am. I did not listen. I was thinking about…” Ilya stops himself before he can admit to much.

“What?” Svetlana asks. “What is more important than the update from the dayshift?”

Troy smirks knowingly and Ilya shoots him a look. He isn’t ready for Svetlana to know about his foolish crush yet. He isn’t ready to hear her honest thoughts about it.

“Nothing.” Ilya says. “I am sorry. I will pay attention now.”

“You are so lucky that I love you.” She says then smiles at him. “You were fantasizing about a client, weren’t you? Are you getting yourself in trouble again, milaya?”

” yep. Big trouble.” Troy says, grinning.

“It’s good he has you then.” Svetlana sighs, but she is still smiling. “Because it looks like it’s going to up to you and me to run this club until he has fucked this someone out of his system.”

Ilya smirks, then gets up to pull Svetlana into a hug and a kiss on the forehead. “I am very, very lucky to have your both. I could not do this without you.” He reaches out to pull Troy into a hug too, but Troy steps away.

“Don’t kiss me too.” He says with his hands held up in front of him dismissively.

“No,” Ilya steps away from Svetlana and corners Troy. “You do not get to option out of this.” Grinningly, he pulls Troy in for a tight hug. Eventually Troy gives in and hugs him back.

“You are so weird.” Troy is fighting a smile, Ilya can tell.

“But also very charming, yes?” He lets go of Troy.

“I’m gonna plead the fifth on that one.” Troy makes his way around Ilya, watching him carefully like he is afraid Ilya will pounce on him.

“Just remember,” Ilya says as Troy swiftly leaves the room. “I respected your wish and did not kiss you! Even though I know you would have loved it!” He shouts after Troy with a grin on his face as Troy closes the door behind him. Leaving Svetlana and Ilya alone in his office.

“You really like him, huh?” Svetlana is gazing at Ilya in the way that lets him know she sees right through him.

“Yes.” He nods. “I am very found of Troy. He Is good man. Just had bad father. He can overcome the damage his father did. What Asshole Dallas Kent did. And I will help him.”

“That’s great, Ilya.” She smiles at him. “But I’m not talking about Troy.”

“No?” Ilya can feel the unfamiliar heat rushing towards his face.

“No. I’m talking about your longtime fangirl crush on…”

“I do not fangirl.” Ilya mumbles but Svetlana ignores him and keeps speaking like he never said anything.

“… Shane Hollander. And don’t think for a second, I haven’t noticed that your daydreaming started around the time your Golden Boy of Hockey signed up for a membership.”

“hmm...” Ilya shrugs. “Okay. I do not think that, then.” He retrieves back to his chair, just to be out of reach before Svetlana feels the need to swat at him for being annoying.

“Jesus Christ, Ilya.” She sighs heavily. “You can’t fool around with him.”

“Why not? I fool around with everyone else. Why should he be any different?”

“Because you already have a crush on him!” Svetlana scowls at him. “It’s too risky. You will get your heart involved. Then eventually it will get broken and I will have to nurture two idiots who is in love with people they can’t fully have.”

“Two?” Ilya says, ignoring the way Svetlana called out his big embarrassing crush. “Who is other one?”

“Troy.” She raises a questioning eyebrow at him. “You don’t know? He is head over heels in love with the Ottawa Centaur’s social media manager. That’s one of the reasons he ran away.”

“No…” Ilya feels a bit shitty for not knowing.

“Well,” she says then turns away to leave. “Now you know.”

As soon as the door closes, Ilya is on his computer. Looking up who this social media manager is. As Svetlana so truthfully pointed out, his crush on a closeted NHL star will never lead to anything but a broken heart (If he is not careful) but maybe he can at least help Troy get the love he deserves. And then Ilya can go back to daydreaming about the beautiful jock that he is very much not in love with. Just infatuated by. Obviously.

*****

Shane’s hands tremble slightly as he scans his card then pushes the elevator button for the club. God, he wished Hayden was with him again. This feels terrifying alone. But Hayden is still slightly traumatized from the last time. Especially because the actor, Bradley, showed up at their last game. Not going near the players or anything, but he was at the game. Clearly watching Hayden. And Hayden is currently suffering under the fact he can’t tell his wife about it because of the NDA. Only that he was hit on by someone famous and that he isn’t really sure if he should be scared or flattered.

So, Shane is now here under the pretense of talking to the club owner, Ilya Rozanov on Hayden’s behalf about the terms of the NDA. If the actor is violating those terms. And if they should be concerned about the actor going to the games.

The truth though is that Shane has been hoping to come up with some excuse to go back and talk to Ilya. Because he hasn’t been able to get that man out of his head. At all.

When the elevator stops, Shane steps out. He shows his membership card to the women guarding the doors and she nods for him to continue. Shane takes a deep breath, then walks in. It’s not nearly as loud inside this time. There is music, but it’s soft. And he can hear the tv that is showing a game. New York against Boston. Shane sighs relieved. This feels familiar. Not scary. There are only a few people here. Mostly just watching the game. Talking a bit. It is clear that this is a safe space for people who can’t go to normal pubs without being followed by paparazzi.

He spots Troy at the bar and walks up to him, smiling at the familiar face.

“Hi Troy.” He says and sits down on one of the stools. “Can I have a ginger ale?”

Troy smiles back. “Of course.” He finds one and hands it to Shane. “Good to see you again.”

“You too.” Shane takes a sip, trying to calm himself. Show some patience. He desperately wants to see Ilya, but he can’t ask about him right away. That would be weird. And seem desperate. He takes another sip then counts to ten in his head. Then another sip. If he just keeps doing this a few times, then enough time will have passe and he can ask for Ilya without seeming too desperate. He just has to be patient. And stay in control.

“Are you here to watch the game?” Troy asks.

And Shane opens his mouth, fully intending on saying yes. Pretending he just needed to be somewhere that he will be able to watch the game in peace but the words that comes out has not been approved by Shane.

“No, I’m actually looking for Ilya.”

Fuck.

Shane screws his eyes shut. Jesus fucking Christ!

“I can get him for you.” Troy says. Not even a hint of judgement and Shane releases a nervous breath.

“No, it’s okay.” He says quickly. Hoping to make himself seem less desperate. “I can wait.”

Troy laughs. “It’s no problem. He is just in his office.” Troy turns and looks at the door, then back to Shane. “Actually, why don’t you just go in? I’m sure he won’t mind.”

“Really? That won’t be weird?”

“Not at all. A lot of clients have a strong connection to Rozanov. He is used to them popping in once in a while.”

“Oh…” suddenly there’s a pit in Shane’s stomach. “Okay then.”

“But if you prefer, I can tell him you are here instead?”

Troy has clearly interpreted Shane being uncomfortable as something related to walking into an office unannounced and not the stab of jealousy mauling his insides right now.

“No it’s okay.” Shane walks around the bar, takes a deep breath then knocks on the door.

“Now what?” Ilya’s slightly annoyed voice travels through the door. “I am doing work. Not daydreaming. Stop harassing me.” Shane pushes the door open and Ilya looks at him with clear surprise on his face. “Oh.” He stands up, seeming a bit flustered. “Shane Hollander.” He quickly collects himself and schools his face back into the familiar calm expression that Shane remembers. He gestures for Shane to take a seat on the other side of the desk and when Shane sits down, Ilya does too. “What can I help you with?”

Right… The NDA. Hayden. The actor. Fuck… Shane is struggling to remember the words. And he had even been practicing what to say. Goddamnit. It’s that fucking gorgeous face, irresistible lips and stunning hot body’s fault.

“I uhm…” Shane swallows not once, not twice, but three fucking times before he is able to almost stop picturing the man naked, his hands on Shane’s body, his lips on Shane’s neck. FFuck…. Shane is doomed. I want you to fuck me. Those are the only words Shane remembers how to say right now. Every other word has fully disappeared from his vocabulary.

“Yes?” Ilya leans over the desk, shortening the distance between their bodies.

Fuck me.

Fuck me.

FUCK ME!

“Fuck….” Shane says then successfully stops himself. His face instantly turning red.

Then that smug fucking grin appears on Rozanov’s face. Oh, he definitely knows Shane is struggling right now.

“Is there something you want, Hollander? Tell me.”

Shane’s brain completely short-circuits so Shane decides to just give in.

“Fuck me…” he mumbles low, staring down at the floor. “Please.”

“Look at me.” Rozanov demands and with a lot of effort, Shane manages to look up.

“Tell me again.”

Shane swallows hard, his mouth so fucking dry and his entire body trembling with need and desperation. “Please fuck me.” He keeps his eyes on Ilya hoping he won’t see the desperation too clearly. “Please.” He ads involuntarily and momentarily hates himself a little.

So much for not being obviously desperate.

Shane closes his eyes again. Silently begging to evaporate. Just melt into the floor and disappear forever. It’s the only way to ever get rid of this humiliation.

“Hollander,” the voice is closer now. Right next to Shane and he shivers. He haven’t heard Ilya approach him, but he still doesn’t open his eyes. He can’t. It’s too embarrassing. “Shane.” A gentle hand touches Shane’s knee, and he jumps slightly. Then he opens his eyes. Ilya is kneeling beside him. “You are struggling, yes?”

Shane nods but doesn’t answer. He still can’t find the words he wants.

“Why?” his eyes are searching Shane’s. “Shy?”

Shane shakes his head. It’s not because he is shy. Not really.

“Embarrassed?” Ilya asks and Shane instinctively averts his gaze. “Ah, okay. Embarrassed. No need for that, Hollander. Not here. You can ask for what you want. Most of time, I will give it to you.” Shane looks up at Ilya again. He is so fucking relieved. The need to know how it feels to be fucked by Ilya has been all-consuming. Clouding his mind for days. “But we will take it slow, yes?”

“Yes…” His voice is low, but at least he managed to say the word. Give verbal confirmation. Like he is supposed to.

“Good.” Ilya stands back up, crosses his arms and leans back against the desk. “You have still not been with a man?” Ilya asks and Shane shakes his head. “This is first time.” Ilya says, maybe more to himself than Shane but Shane still wants to confirm it.

“Yes. First time having… uhm…”

“Sex with a man.” Ilya finishes.

“Yes.”

“Okay.” Ilya nods. “Tell me, what do you want. Specifically.”

“I don’t know…” Shane lies. He knows what he wants. He just isn’t sure he can make himself say it.

“Then how can I give it to you?” There’s a playful smirk on Ilya’s lips. He knows exactly what he is doing to Shane, and apparently, he enjoys it. Asshole. But Shane is not one to back down from a challenge. And now, this is clearly a challenge.

“I want to suck your dick.” His eyes firmly locked onto Ilya’s. “I want to get you all wet and slick, before you fuck me. I want you to push me down, face first and fuck me hard. I want…” Shane takes a deep trembling breath. “I want ti know what it feels like when you claim my body.”

“Okay.” Ilya says, “I will fuck you like you want.”

*****

“Come.” Ilya gestures for Shane to follow him. Ilya has been fantasizing about fucking Shane for way too long to just do it in his office. And he will definitely not do it in the VIP room with others watching. No, this experience – Shane first time with a man - is just for him. Him and Shane. No one else.

Ilya guides Shane through the club, up to the next floor, passing by the VIP Area and into one of the private rooms. One of the best rooms they have. This particular one resembles a nice hotel room. With a big, comfortable bed.

“Wow.” Shane says as he looks around. “I don’t know what I had expected, but definitely not this.

“Is nice.” Ilya nods. “One of my favorite rooms.”

“I had half expected there to be chains and whips or something.” Shane laughs nervously.

“No chains. No whips. Not in this room.” Ilya says and steps closer to Shane. “In other room, yes. I can show you. Some other time.”

Shane swallows visibly and Ilya puts his hand on Shane’s throat, his thumb under Shane’s chin, angling his face up.

“Yeah…” Shane agrees hoarsely. “Another time.”

“Today is just us. No toys. No one watching. Just you and me. Exploring”. Ilya’s heart is beating fast as he leans down to kiss Shane. He hates the fact that his traitorous heart is reminding him of Svetlana’s words. He doesn’t want to think about that now. He wants to enjoy this. He can worry about the consequences later.

“Yes.” Shane’s eyes flutter as soon as Ilya’s lips touch his. Their mouths sliding together, like a lock falling into place. Ilya pushes his tongue into Shane’s mouth, wanting more. Needing more.

Shane melts into Ilya’s body, letting himself go completely. Letting Ilya take over. Again. Like the last time. Shane truly seems to trust Ilya completely. And that might even make things much worse for Ilya in the long run. Because how will he ever recover from the heartbreak Shane eventually will cause him, knowing how it feels to have him like this. His body. His trust. Everything.

“Take of your clothes.” Ilya demands and Shane instantly obeys. Stripping out of everything. He doesn’t hesitate at all. And apparently, he doesn’t like to make a mess either. Ilya’s lips split into a grin as he sees Shane folding his clothes neatly, then putting in on the deckchair across from the bed. “So organized.” Ilya teases and just as Shane is about to say something back, Ilya grabs him be the back of his neck, hauling him in for a messy and greedy kiss.

“Fuck you.” Shane mutters with a half-smile when Ilya lets go of him and Ilya chuckles. Apparently, Shane just had to complain.

“Get on the bed.” Ilya instructs.

“Actually…” Shane bites his bottom lip as he looks up at Ilya.

“Yes?”

“Can I… Uhm…” Shane stops, looks down and doesn’t continue. Eventually, Ilya speaks up.

“What?”

Shane takes a deep breath. Then another.

“I really want to suck your dick.” Shane finally blurts out. “I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it and… I just… I just really want to try.” He lets out a shaky breath. As if he is relieved, he finally said the thing he had been holding back. “So, can I? please?”

“You Canadians are so polite.” Ilya Teases. Then he starts undressing. Very slowly. “Yes Hollander.” He says, pulling his shirt over his head. Shane’s eyes glued to Ilya’s chest. Then he slides his hands down his chest and stomach, Shane’s gaze following his every move. He snaps open the button on his jeans and unzips. “You can suck my dick.” Ilya proceeds to slide his pants down his ass and thighs, Shane swallowing thickly and licking his lips as he watches him intensely.

“Wait.” Shane says as Ilya hooks his thumbs in the waistband of his briefs. “Can I do that?”

Ilya nods and removes his hands. Shane drops to his knees instantly, a look of utter infatuation and lust in his eyes.

Ilya fully expects Shane to just slide his briefs down, but he doesn’t. Instead, he mouths at Ilya’s dick through the cotton. His lips tracing the outline of his rigid cock, his tongue brushing against it, wetting the briefs.

“Fuck, Hollander.” He breathes out, completely entranced. He watches as Shane keeps tugging at Ilya’s dick with his lips, moaning into the fabric. He lets his head fall back for a second, eyes closed. Enjoying the sensation of this intriguing man being so desperate for Ilya’s dick that he practically sucks him through his underwear. Ilya has no doubt at all, that underneath all that Canadian politeness, Shane Hollander is a freak. A wonderful, lust-driven, sexual freak.

Finally, just as the desperate need to have his dick inside Shane’s mouth almost turns into torture, Shane finally pulls the briefs down, freeing Ilya’s rigid cock.

“Oh… wow.” Shane mutters. He looks enchanted and Ilya fucking loves it. “Fuck… it looks even more tempting than I had imagined.” Shane mumbles, and Ilya holds his breath. Waiting quietly. Afraid to ruin this trance Shane seems to be under. “Can’t wait to taste it…” He looks up at Ilya. “Can I taste it?”

“Yes.” Ilya nods. “Of course.” Shane keeps his eyes on Ilya as he slowly, deliberately, drags his tongue from the base of Ilya’s cock to the tip, then wraps his pretty pink lips around the head and sucks. “Fuuuck…” Ilya groans. He hadn’t expected that level of confidence from someone who has never had a dick in his mouth before. And for a second. Ilya wonders if Shane might have had a dick in his mouth before. Because technically, Ilya hasn’t asked him about that. But he shoves the thought away. It doesn’t matter right now anyway.

Shane sucks Ilya’s dick for a while, and Ilya has a feeling if he doesn’t stop him, he will continue until Ilya comes. And no matter how much Ilya would love that, he is desperate to fuck Shane tonight.

“Stop…Stop…” Ilya pants and Shane stops. “Fuck… Hollander, that was good. Almost too good.”

“Yeah?”

“Yes. Almost made me come. But I want to fuck you. You still want that too?”

“God, yes.” Shane exclaims. “More than anything.”

“Good.” Ilya pulls Shane to his feet and kisses him. He keeps kissing him as he guides him to the bed, then pushes him down on it. “I am going to make you feel good, Hollander.”

So good you will come back for more. Again, and again.

*****

“Relax.” Ilya says as he presses light kisses up Shane’s thighs. “We will go slow. I promise.”

“Yeah. Good.” Shane pants. So far, Ilya has done nothing but kiss the entirety of Shane’s naked body. Well, almost anyway. He has stayed clear of the places Shane wants his mouth the most. Like his cock, for instance. And Shane is switching between being desperate for Ilya to hurry the fuck up and take him, to getting overwhelmed and slightly panicked about the idea of a man pushing his dick inside Shane’s ass.

“You are too much in your head.” Ilya is now covering Shane’s entire body with his own, his mouth just slightly out of reach. “Focus on me. Only me.”

“Yes. Of course.” Shane nods, but his mind keeps spinning and Shane keeps getting tense underneath Ilya.

Ilya trails the back of his fingers gently over Shane’s jaw, then brushes Shane’s lips with his thumb. “You are still in your head.”

“I’m sorry.” Shane mutters and means it. He wishes he was able to just be present in the moment with Ilya. But being present, like fully present, has always been something Shane struggles with. His mind is always full of thoughts and always running at a high speed. “I’m just… freaking out I think.”

“I can tell.” Ilya leans down and steals a kiss from Shane. “I have an idea on how I can make you unable to think about anything but me, if you want?”

“Uhm…” Shane isn’t entire sure what Ilya means by that, but eventually decides he trust him and nods. “Okay.”

“I am going to be a little rough with you. Tell me if it is too much.”

Shane nods, then Ilya sits up, grabs Shane’s hips and flips him over.

“Fuck.” Shane shrieks in surprise, but honestly, it really turns him on being manhandled like that. It definitely shuts his spiraling mind up. And when Ilya pulls at Shane’s hips, tugging his ass into the air, Shane gasps loudly.

“You like to be lead. Guided. I noticed this last time. It seems to help you let go.”

“Yes. Fuck… this is perfect.”

“Good. I do not want to hurt you. Or overstep boundary. I want you to feel good. And to make you feel good, I need to take charge. Yes?”

Shane blushes hard. But Ilya is right. It is when Ilya gives him orders or just takes control of him, that Shane is finally able to let go and indulge. When he doesn’t have to think at all. Just let Ilya do all the thinking and deciding for him.

“Yes.”

“Tell me if you want me to stop.”

Shane nods. But he knows he won’t. He can’t imagine ever wanting Ilya to stop at all.

Ilya starts trailing kisses down Shane’s back. Kissing each notch of his spine, all the way down to his ass. Then he pulls Shane’s cheeks apart with strong hands and licks down the crease.

“Oh Christ…” Shane gasps, then he feels the wet heat of Ilya’s tongue licking at his hole. “Oh fuck!” He cries out. It feels so good. Better than anything he could ever imagine. “Oh my god.. fuck please don’t stop. Don’t stop…” Shane knows he is begging. He is being embarrassingly needy, but he doesn’t care. Ilya just continues to lick him.

Oh fuck.

Shane eyes widens as he feels Ilya’s strong tongue slip inside him. Warm and wet. Shane’s eyes roll to the back of his head. Then he suddenly realizes he is about to come.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck… Ilya, fuck…” Shane can’t form the words, his brain completely malfunctioning. But thankfully, Ilya seems to get the hint, and stops. Shane pants hard. Like he has just ran a marathon. “Oh shit…”  He turns around and just looks at Ilya. Then he laughs. Unable to control himself, his entire body starts shaking with laughter. Fuck it had felt so good. So liberating.

“What is funny?” Ilya ask, chuckling slightly too.

“I don’t know.” Shane admits, still grinning. “It was just… fuck…” he runs a hand down his face. “Like a fucking revelation, you know.”

“So, you liked it.” Ilya says and Shane shakes his head at how ridiculous this man is and hauls him into a kiss.

“Of course I fucking liked it.” He mumbles against Ilya’s lips, then kisses him again.

Ilya settles in between Shane’s thighs, gently trailing his fingers down Shane’s side as they keep making out. Shane still fills giddy and unexplainable happy, as he lets himself fully enjoy the sensation of having this hot man lie on top of him, caressing him. Ilya reaches into the nightstand and grabs the bottle of lube, he snaps open the cap and covers his fingers in a healthy amount, then slowly slides his fingers down Shane’s inner thigh and back up again till they eventually finds their way in between his legs, lightly rubbing over Shane’s hole. Shane moans into Ilya’s mouth and when Ilya stops kissing him, searching his eyes for permission, Shane nods.

The stretch is wonderful. A little bit of pain, but nothing Shane can’t handle. He drops his head back onto the pillow, his eyes fluttering shut as Ilya pushes his finger all the way inside him.

“Yes…” Shane gasps. “Right there… fuck.” He pants and bucks his hips when Ilya nudges his prostate. “It feels so good. Oh my god…”

“You look beautiful like this.” Ilya says, and when Shane opens his eyes, Ilyas is looking at him with such tenderness, Shane can’t help but blush.

“More… please.” Shane begs. Because he really needs more. He wants Ilya’s dick inside of him so fucking bad. So bad in fact, that he doesn’t even feel embarrassed about asking for what he wants anymore. The cravings are too strong for Shane to care.

“You are not a patient man.” Shane can almost hear Ilya’s sexy crooked grin as much as he sees it.

“Not when I really want you to fuck me.” Shane blurts out. Completely unable to censor himself due to the jolts of pleasure coming from having his prostate massaged. “God… I’ve been fantasizing about it every fucking second since I left this place last…. So no, I am not patient.” Shane grabs a fistful of Ilya’s hair, feeling braver and more desperate than ever. He tugs at it, enjoying the pure shock and lust covering the Russian’s face as he yanks his head closer to Shane, “Quit stalling, and get to it, Rozanov. I. Want. More.”

Ilya adds another finger, slightly rougher than before and Shane releases his grip on Ilya, pushes his head back into the pillow and cries out as pleasure and pain burst through him.

“Yes!” He cries out loud. Maybe even too loud. “Fuck! Just like that.”

“Hollander,” Ilya grins at him. ”You have such a little freak hidden inside you. It is nice of you to let him come out and play when I just push the right buttons.”

“Fuck you.” Shane gasps, the rolls his hips, taking control of the speed Ilya thrusts his fingers inside him. Not caring if it only proves Ilya’s point about Shane having a freaky side.

****

Ilya can barely do anything but just stare. He is completely mesmerized, watching Shane fuck himself on Ilya’s fingers. His entire body trembling with need. He makes a mental note of making sure he lets Shane fuck himself to on orgasm like this next time he comes by the club, but not this time. Ilya needs to be inside him when he comes. He fears he will lose his mind completely otherwise.

“I think you are ready for my dick now.”

“God yes.” Shane is visibly trembling, but Ilya is almost 100 percent sure it is from need and not nervousness.

Shane quickly gets on his hands and knees, raising his ass impatiently into the air. Just waiting for Ilya, who enjoys the view profoundly.

“I like watching you from this angle.” Ilya teases as he slides a hand gently over Shane’s ass. “Is very beautiful. And tempting.”

“Shut up, Rozanov.” Sahen complains, but he has a smile on his face when he looks over his shoulder.

Ilya gets himself ready. A condom and a good amount of lube. Then he places himself behind Shane, slowly pushing his dick inside.

“Jesus Christ.” Shane mutters low then bites into his fist, muffling the whimpers.

“Fuck…” Ilya groans and closes his eyes. Being inside Shane feels even better than he could ever have imagined. He holds still for a second, letting Shane get used to the feeling of being full, before slowly pulling out a bit then sliding back in.

“Oh wow…” Shane gasps. “That feels so fucking good.” Ilya leans down and trails small kisses over Shane’s back and shoulders as he fucks him slowly a bit more. “yes… fuck.” Shane pants. “More… please.”

“Okay.” Ilya starts thrusting a bit faster and Shane pushes back against him clearly needing even more. Ilya adjusts himself slightly and with the next thrust he hits Shane’s prostate.

“Fuck!!! Yes! Just like that…” Shane drops down on his elbows when his trembling arms eventually gives in, burrying his face in the pillow. Ilya grips Shane’s hips hard, hauling him back against his body with every thrust, fucking him so much harder than he had initially thought he would, but Shane seemed to be thriving in the roughness. “Keep going… just… fuck…” he moans, writhing his body. Ilya can tell he is close. And so is Ilya.

“Are you going to come, Hollander?” Shane only whimpers loudly in response, his entire body shaking. “Fuck… yes, Hollander. Come for me.”

Shane cries out his release, coming so hard that he hits his own chest with his cum. As Shane’s ass clenches around Ilya’s dick, Ilya swears loudly through gritted teeth, then empties himself into the condom.

“Holy shit…” Shane pants, after Ilya has pulled out and both man is lying on the bed, next to each other. Gasping for air. “That was so fucking hot.”

“Yes.” Ilya agrees. “Very.” He then leans over and kisses Shane softly on his pink, beautiful lips, simply just because he can’t resist. “But don’t think I’m done with you yet.”

“No?” The way Shane looks up at Ilya right now, is making his heart flutter.

“No. I want to do many more things.” Ilya keeps peppering Shane with kisses all over his body. His shoulders. His chest. His neck. His stomach. Everywhere he can reach as they lie next to each other. Shane hand finds its way to Ilya’s hair, tangling his fingers into Ilyas curls.

“God, I would love to do so much more with you. I really fucking love exploring with you. But I have an early flight tomorrow. We have a game in Boston.”

“I know. Good team. It will be good game. Am sure of it.”

“Yeah, it will be. Especially because we will win.”

Ilya laughs. He loves the confidence Shane has regarding hockey.

“I will now expect to see you win, then.”

“Do you watch all the hockey games?” Shane asks, stroking Ilya’s hair.

“Most of them. When I can. I like hockey.” Shane smiles lovingly at Ilya and Ilya’s heart swells. This is becoming dangerous territory. They should part ways for tonight. Get some much needed distance again. “I should get dressed.” Ilya says and gets off the bed. “Get back to work.”

“Oh, right. Sure. Of course.” Shane gets up too. “Oh, by the way, I actually have something I need to ask you about.”

“Okay.” Ilya pulls on his pants and turns to look at Shane who is distractingly beautiful.

“The actor who hit on Hayden last time,”

“Bradley, yes.”

“Yes him. He showed up to our last game. It made Hayden kind of nervous. Because he isn’t supposed to seek out Hayden, right?”

Ilya smiles at Shane. “No need to worry. Bradley is New York fan. Your last game was against New York, yes? He has probably been to a lot of those. You just never noticed.”

“Oh. That makes sense.” Shane blushes and Ilya can tell he feels a bit ridicules.

“But if he ever approaches you or Hayden, Please let me know. He isn’t supposed to do that. The NDA states you can only make outside contact with someone you met at the club if you both agree to it.” Ilya explains, hoping it will make Shane feel less embarrassed about hinting at this actor potentially stalking Hayden. And Ilya also knows that Bradley could in fact be trying to make contact. He doesn’t like not getting what he wants. So he definitely wants Shane to let him know if Bradley does anything inappropriate.

“Okay, cool. I’ll tell Hayden.”

“Yes. Do that.” Ilya steps closer to Shane and pulls him in for a kiss. “Always let me know if someone makes you uncomfortable.” He mumbles against Shane’s lips. He doesn’t specify that it should be related to the club, because he doesn’t care. He will fight Shane’s battles with anyone. He doesn’t care who it is.

“I’ll remember that.”

“Good.” He gives Shane a parting kiss and grabs his shirt. Shane starts getting dressed too. “Oh, if you see me at hockey game, it is not because I am stalking you.” Ilya teases. “I often go and see Ottawa play.”

“Yeah?”

“Yes. I am friends with the coach. Sort of.”

“That’s nice.”

“Yes. And my favorite thing is when Ottawa plays against Montreal. I can support my friend and watch you be hot at the same time.”

Shane turns completely beet red and Ilya laughs.

*****

“Did you talk to him?” Hayden asks as soon as Shane walks through the door.

“Yes of course. That’s why I went.”

“so, what did he say?” Hayden makes his way to the fridge, then hands Shane a beer.

“That Bradley Is a new York Fan and has probably been to other games too when we play against them. We just haven’t noticed.” Shane explains, trying to not think about how Ilya also said he often go to games against Ottawa. Knowing he has been there, watching Shane on the ice almost makes him blush. “But, if he tries to initiate contact, we should tell Ilya. Because it’s against the NDA.” Both men sits down on the couch with their beers. The tv is already running. Some weird cartoon is on while Arthur is playing on the floor. Not paying the tv much attention. Or the two men. “Unless you two agreed on meeting outside of the club.”

“We absolutely didn’t.”

“Good.”

For a moment, they sit in silence, sipping their beers and watching the stupid cartoon.

“Why are you grinning like that?” Hayden asks and Shane feels like he has been busted. “You slept with him again, didn’t you?”

“Maybe…” Shane admits sheepishly.

“Damn… are you falling for him?”

“Of course not. That would be stupid.”

“Good. because I’m pretty sure falling for the owner when having no strings attached sex could very well no be allowed too.”

Shane drinks from his beer again, almost emptying it in one gulp. Hoping the alcohol will help him dull this uncomfortable feeling, Hayden’s words have coursed.

Chapter 3

Chapter Notes

Hi Guys
Once again, thank you so much for all your love and support. It has been overwheling and i'm eternally grateful.

Chapter 3 has alternating Point of Views, but this time it is Ilya and Troy instead of Ilya and Shane.
I have so many ideas for this fic, but unfortunately a very hectic life, so I dont know when I will be able to write Chapter 4, but i have every intention of writing a chapter 4. It just might take a while.

Anyway, I hope you will enjoy this chapter, even though it is a bit shorter.

Love, Ayana

Over a year ago

“You can’t keep doing this, Troy.” The disappointment is so clear on his coach’s face that Troy actually feels bad. It’s the third time Troy has slipped up and gotten drunk the night before a game. Like, black out drunk. Alone. In his hotel room.

“Sorry, coach.” He mumbles as he stares at the locker-room floor. The rest of the team is already on the ice, doing warmups. But Troy is too hungover – or maybe even still a bit drunk - to even get his gear on.

“Sorry isn’t going to cut it anymore, Troy.”

Here it goes. Troy thinks. He has been waiting for his new coach, Bradley Wiebe, to change his approach. To start yelling and screaming. Calling him a pussy or whatever slur he favors. Like his last coach in Toronto. But he doesn’t. There is no screaming. No slurs. So, Troy eventually looks up at coach Wiebe.

“What’s my punishment?” He asks.

“For now, you are sitting this game out. And if you are going to continue being on this team, you will start getting help with your alcohol addiction.”

“It’s not an addiction.” Troy argues. He can stop anytime. He is sure of it. It’s just a coping mechanism right now. For dealing with a heartbreak after his secret, long-distance, actor boyfriend broke up with him; finding out his best friend, Dallas Kent, is a sexual predator; actively ruining his own career by getting into a fight with Dallas; and then getting traded to the worst team in NHL history: The Ottowa Centaurs.

“Yes, it is. You are using alcohol to deal with whatever inner battles you are fighting, and I get it. You have had a lot of shit thrown your way, but you can’t be an addict and a pro athlete. Not on my team.”

“Then maybe I’m just not going to be on this team anymore.” Troy spits out agitated. Angry even. The coach sighs deeply. A sadness lingering in his gaze.

“That is your choice.” Then he leaves Troy and heads to the ice.

“Fuck…” Troy mumbles low.

“You didn’t mean it, right?” Harris’ voice sounds so devastated that Troy’s heart almost breaks. He hadn’t noticed Harris being there during his talk with the coach. Harris is the team’s social media manager, and the only one in Ottowa that Troy feels like he can speak openly with. Almost at least. If he was brave enough. Which he isn’t.

“Maybe I did.” Troy says. Because he knows Harris is too much of a good guy to let Troy just derail his own career like this, unless he fully believes it is what Troys truly wants. And even then, Harris will probably try to talk him into giving this team another try. But it’s pointless. The team hates him. The fans hate him. Hell, the entire hockey world hates him. Either for being friends with Dallas Kent for as long as he did, or for condemning Kent because of the sexual harassment allegations. The only person, besides his mom, that doesn’t seem to hate him right now is Harris. The most perfect, sweet and kind man Troy has ever met.

“Oh.” Harris looks disappointed now and Troy hates being on the receiving end of that look.

“I’m sorry. It’s just not the right fit for me.”

“I think it is.” Harris says, a small smile on his lips. “You are a good man, Troy Barrett.”

“No, I’m really not.” He stands up and grabs his jacket. “And I think it’s about time you get that.” Then he pushes past Harris and leaves. He can feel his heart shattering into a million pieces. Harris is the only one who has ever made him feel like he could become a good guy, but the kindest thing Troy will ever be able to do for Harris, is to get as far away from him as possible. Harris deserves so much better than Troy. Everyone on this team deserves better.

A few hours later, Troy is in a pub, downing another vodka, when a tall guy with golden curls sits down on the barstool next to him.

“You are Troy Barrett.” The man’s Russian accent is thick.

“So?” Troy slurs. The alcohol already messing with his speaking abilities.

“I am Ilya Rozanov. A friend of your coach.”

“I don’t have a coach anymore.”

“I know.” Rozanov tilts his head as he looks at him. Like he is assessing him. “But Wiebe told me to keep an eye on you.”

“The coach should mind his own fucking business.” Troy says and gestures for the bartender to pour another shot.

“Maybe.” Rozanov says. “But it is not who he is. And he is good man. So, when he asks me for favor, I help.”

“I don’t need your help.”

“Yes, you do.”

Troy tries to glare at the guy, but he isn’t sure it’s working, considering Troy is probably close to being cross-eyed at the moment.

“I really don’t.”

“You need a job. You need to quit drinking. You need purpose.”

“Oh yeah?”

“Yes. And I have something that can help you.”

*****

Present day

“Barrett!” Ilya calls out as he enters the club, seeing Troy smiling broadly at coworkers and friends. “Happy one-year anniversary.”

“This is ridiculous, Ilya.” Troy complains, but not exactly series. Ilya can tell Troy is moved. “I’ve worked here more than a year.”

“Yes.” Ilya agrees, “but you have been my night manager for a year today. Pretty big accomplishment. Only Svetlana has ever been able to keep up with me for that amount of time.”

“Longer.” Svetlana interjects. “Forever, actually. And I have no idea why.”

“Because you love me.” Ilya puts an arm around her slim body and pulls her close to him. “You have always loved me.”

She sighs and rolls her eyes. “Apparently I’m a masochist.”

“You must be.” Ilya chuckles. “And Troy might be one too.” He grabs a beer on his way over to Troy. “Here’s to you, Barrett. Congratulations on suffering by my side for a year. I hope there will be many more. Either as my manager or a client.”

“Don’t worry.” Troy clinks his bottle against Ilya’s. “I am not going anywhere.”

“Maybe not.” Ilya mutters low, unable to fight the small smirk on his face. “Let’s see how things evolve.”

Confusion covers Troys face for a moment, but then one of the bartenders come over and starts congratulating Troy, so his attention shifts.

“What are you planning?” Svetlana asks. “Not anything stupid, right?”

“No. Nothing stupid. Something good.” He sips his beer as Svetlana keeps eyeing him. “He deserves something good.”

“He does.” She agrees. “Just don’t do something that eventually chases him away, okay? We need him.”

“His happiness is more important than this club.”

“Of course.”  Svetlana sighs. “Oh god… you’ve contacted his crush haven’t you?”

“No. Not yet.”

“Ilya…”

“I am only going to investigate. If Harris is not interested, then I will stop. But if he is…” He places a hand on Svetlana’s cheeks. “Troy has a chance of finding love. I need to at least help him. I am part of the reason he never returned to hockey.”

“Dont say that.”

“It is true. I gave him job here. I allowed him to hide from the world. From the sport he loves. I should have made him go back when he got sobered up. Instead, I made him manager. Selfishly wanting to keep him here.”

“Ilya,” Svetlana leans in a kiss his cheek. “You have such a big heart even though you pretend you don’t. You did not keep him away from the world. Troy needed that time to find himself. And yes, maybe he will be ready to go back to hockey now. And if he is, I know you will let him go. Especially if he finds someone to love who loves him back in that world. But that doesn’t change the fact that he needed you to guide him. To help him heal. Without you, he probably never would have gotten sober. Or admitted being gay.”

“Maybe… yes, probably.” Ilya admits. Svetlana makes a valid point.

“Just tell me one thing,” Svetlana says.

“What?”

“Are you interfering in his love life to distract yourself from your own hockey crush?”

“No.” Ilya smirks, knowing that Svetlana will see through his lie instantly.

“Jesus, Ilya. Please don’t say that you are going to try and set Troy up with the social media guy to prove to Shane Hollander that Hockey players can be openly gay? Just so you might have a chance.”

“Of course not. I would never do that.”

“Yes, you would…” Svetlana sighs heavily. “You are such an idiot.”

“You love me.”

“I do.” She says. “You are still an idiot, though.”

“Yes.” Ilya nods. “I know.

*****

“Hollander.” Troy greets him as soon as he comes through the door. Shane popping up during the slow hours of the weekdays has almost become a regular thing. Even though Troy has a suspicion that it is in hopes to run into Ilya during times where he won’t be too busy with work, he does enjoy being able to chat with him. Especially about hockey. He likes the way Hollander loves the sport. It reminds Troy of how he used to feel. Before everything went to hell. And he misses it. “Rozanov isn’t here yet.” He says as Hollander sits down at the bar. A cute little blush creeps up on his face. Troy loves making Hollander blush like that. It’s fun.

“I’m not here for him.”

“Of course not.” Troy winks, and Shane turns more red.

“Is it that obvious?” He whispers, ducking his head low.

“Only to me, I think.”

“How did you…?”

“Figure it out?”

“Yeah.”

“Shane,” Troy says as gently as he can, “when Rozanov doesn’t show up within thirty minutes of you arriving, you leave. You don’t look for a different hookup. You don’t watch the game. You don’t talk to other people at the bar.”

“I talk to you.”

“I’m the bartender. Of course you talk to me.”

Shane sighs, then looks slightly panicked. “Wait… Ilya doesn’t know, right?”

“No.” Troy shakes his head. “He is stupidly oblivious sometimes.” Troy almost wants to add that it’s because Ilya doesn’t think he would ever have a chance with a hockey player, but he doesn’t, because he doesn’t actually know for sure. He just suspects that it is what Rozanov thinks.

“Good.”

“So… is it just his dick or is it something more for you?” Troy asks as casually as he can manage, but he is dying to know. Especially when he knows his boss is crushing hard on Hollander and he would fucking love it if it was mutual.

“Oh…” Shane suddenly looks very uncomfortable, shifting in his stool. “I… uhm…”

“Hollander.” Rozanov stops dead in his tracks when he enters the club and spots Shane. “You are here.” He sends Troy a look. And for a second Troy thinks Ilya might be jealous. Oh fuck, does he think Shane is there for him? “Again.” Ilya says, his eyes darting back and forth between Shane and troy.

Shit.

He absolutely does think that.

Troy needs to talk to Rozanov privately soon. Very soon.

“Actually, Roz.” Troy says a bit too loud. Too freaked out maybe. “I really need to talk to you. Right now. Alone.”

“Sure, Barrett.” Rozanov’s eyes are cold. Fuck. He is going to kill Troy. “Let’s go to my office.”

Troy swallows hard and follows the tall, murderous man into the tiny office that might be the last place Troy will ever see.

“Roz, I want to…”

“You are flirting with Hollander.” Ilya interrupts as he steps closer to Troy. Instinctively, Troy steps back.

“No!” He almost shrieks. “I would never!”

“Why not? He is not pretty enough for you?” Ilya is towering over Troy and Troy starts to sweat.

“What? No. I mean yes, of course he is but…”

“What is it, Barrett? Yes or no?”

Troy has a strong sense that neither answer will be the right answer. Ilya will kill him no matter what. The man has pure murder in his eyes.

“I’m not interested in him that way.” Troy tries.

“So, Hollander is not good enough for you? Is that what you are saying?”

“No! Jesus Christ, Ilya. You sound like a crazy person. I’m not interested, because he is yours, Roz.”

Rozanov blinks a few times, clearly baffled. Then, much to Troy’s complete surprise, Ilya blushes.

“Oh…” he steps away from Troy. “I am Sorry, Barrett. I do not know what came over me.”

“Possessive jealousy.” Troy suggests and Ilya shuffles his feet a bit while looking away. Clearly uncomfortable.

“Yes. Maybe. Probably.” He slowly looks at Troy. “Sorry.”

“Its fine Roz. I get it. I’m sure it looked suspicious, me and Shane talking like that. but I swear there is nothing there. He is nice and all, and I love talking about hockey with him, but he is all yours, man. I promise.”

*****

Ilya has never felt more embarrassed in his life. Why did he go off like that? Troy is right, he sounded like a crazy person. He was a crazy person. Insane, really.

Troy doesn’t seem to be too bothered about it though. He is currently back behind the bar, talking to Shane. And even though Ilya thinks it looks like flirting, he fully trusts that Troy has told him the truth. If Ilya is honest with himself, he will probably think anyone talking to Shane looks like they are flirting. Because he is insanely jealous when it comes to Shane.

The door to his office is slightly ajar, so he can occasionally glance out at Shane. Just because he likes looking at him. Not to keep an eye out for anyone hitting on him, of course.

Ilya forces himself to focus on his computer screen instead of Shane. He has financial papers to go over. It’s tedious and annoying, but as the owner, it is his responsibility. He just hates it.

Then there’s a knock at the door.

“Hi… can I come in?”

Ilya’s heart makes an embarrassing flip as soon as he hears Hollander’s voice. As he looks up, he is trying not to grin like a lovesick fool.

“Of course.”

Shane steps inside. “Are you busy?”

“Not really.” Ilya lies. “A little maybe. But it’s boring stuff.”

“Do you need help to make it more interesting?” Shane asks, slowly sliding the door shut.

Ilya leans back in his chair, folding his hands behind his head.

“I think I do.” His tongue darts out to wet his lips. “Do you have any suggestions?”

“Oh, I have a lot.” Shane moves over to sit on Ilya’s desk, right in front of him. His legs spread wide. It’s already very obvious that Shane is hard, and Ilya’s heartrate spikes.

“Is that for me?” Ilya’s eyes dart to the bulge in Shane’s pants then back to Shane’s face.

“If you want, yes.”

“Oh, I want. I definitely want.” Ilya reaches out to open the fly in Shane’s pants, and Shane lets him. He even lifts his ass from the table, so Ilya can slide the pants off him. Ilya’s breath gets caught in his chest when he realizes that Shane isn’t wearing any underwear. And not only that; he is even wearing a cock ring.

When Ilya just keep staring, Shane starts to blush. “I needed something to keep me from coming during the drive here.” He says and Ilya’s eyebrows shoot up.

“Why?” Ilya is already getting so fucking hard just from seeing Shane like this, but he has a feeling that whatever Shane is about to tell him will make him fucking combust on the spot.

“I’m wearing a butt plug.”

“Jeez…” Ilya mutters low. “Turn around. I want to see.”

Shane obeys, turning around and bending over the desk, giving Ilya the perfect view of a pretty blue and shiny plug.

Shane looks over his shoulder at Ilya, a shy smile on his face.

“Do you like it?”

“Like it?” Ilya’s voice is so rugged and hoarse he barely recognizes it himself. “I fucking love it.” He licks his lips and reaches out to touch Shane, but stops right before his fingers connect with Shane’s skin, “can I touch you? Touch it?”

“Yes. Please.” Shane spreads his legs wider, nearly giving Ilya a heart attack as he gets an ever better view of it.

“fuuuck.” Ilya grumbles low, then puts his hands on Shane’s ass cheeks, squeezing them lightly before pulling them apart. “It’s beautiful.” Ilya is mesmerized. Never has anyone done something like this for him without Ilya asking for it first.

Gently, he rubs his thumb over the base, nudging it slightly and Shane moans loudly.

Christ.

Ilya has to grab his own dick at the root and squeeze. Otherwise, he is going to come right then and there. He brushes the plug once more and Shane whimpers.

“Yes…” Shane drops his forehead down against the table. “Fuck that feels good.”

“You put this in for me?” Ilya asks, his voice a bit strained.

“Yes.” Shane turns his head so he can look at Ilya. “Is that…. is that weird?”

“No.” Ilya shakes his head. “Is perfect.” Then an impulsive decision hits him, and he leans in and sinks his teeth into Shane’s right cheek.

“Oh fuck.” Shane’s eyes roll to the back of his head. “Jesus Christ. Why did that feel so good?”

Ilya chuckles. “I don’t know. I just got tempted. Couldn’t control impulses.”

“Never control your impulses.” Shane pants. “Not if it feels like that.”

“I will remember that.” Ilya bites his bottom lip. “Can I remove the plug? And then fuck you? Here. Bend over my table.”

Shane blushes all the way to his neck, but nods. “Yeah. It sounds fucking hot.”

Ilya agrees. Right now, he can’t even remember anything being hotter than this.

With slightly trembling hands, Ilya grabs the base of the plug and wiggles it out, Shane moaning loudly throughout the entire process. Ilya has no doubt Troy can hear everything. But he doesn’t care. Not when Shane is right there, bend over and ready for Ilya to take him. For a moment, Ilya just looks at Shane’s hole, stretched open and ready.

“Please…” Shane begs when Ilya is taking too long. “I need you so fucking bad.”

Ilya opens his desk drawer, scrambling around for condoms and lube without wanting to look away from Shane’s ass. Eventually he finds it and gets himself ready in seconds.

“Are you ready?” Ilya asks, just to be absolutely sure.

“Jesus Christ.” Shane complains. “yes, I’m fucking ready… come on.” He wiggles his ass impatiently and Ilya grins.

“So eager.” He teases. “Always so needy for my dick.” He leans over Shane’s body, his mouth right at Shane’s ear. “Don’t worry, Hollander. I will give you my cock. I will fuck you good. Just like you want.”

“Please…” Shane begs and Ilya sucks Shane’s earlobe into his mouth, then slides his dick inside him slowly. “Oh god… yes.” He arches his back as he moans. “Deeper… please.” Ilya pulls out a bit, then pushes back, going deeper this time. Not stopping until he is balls deep inside him. “Fuck.” He groans. “Your dick Is amazing. I’m so fucking full.”

“Good.” Ilya kisses the back of Shane’s neck. “You take it so well. Do you want me to fuck you hard?”

“Yes.” Shane nods eagerly. “Fuck yes.”

“Okay.” Ilya stands back up, grabs Shane’s hips and pulls put. His cock almost falling out of Shane, but then he snaps his hips, slamming his dick deep inside Shane while he has him pinned down, unable to move.

“FUUUUCK!” Shane cries out so loud that Ilya knows for a fact that everyone in the club has heard him.

Good. Now everyone knows he is mine.

Ilya does it again, making Shane scream once more. And he keeps going. Fucking Shane relentlessly till they are both panting and moaning and gasping. He fucks him till he is right at the edge himself, then he reaches around Shane, opens his cock-ring and jerks him off, matching the speed of his thrusts. Shane is babbling incoherently, completely lost in pleasure as Ilya finally makes them both come hard. Crying out their orgasms simultaneously.

Ilya slumps over Shane’s boneless body, kissing his shoulder and neck.

“Thank you.” He mutters. “I really needed that.”

“Mmm…” Shane is smiling with his eyes closed. Looking blissfully fucked out and Ilya knows he would dedicate his entire life to making Shane look like this if it was possible.

“Come here.” Ilya pulls his chair closer, sits down in it, taking Shane with him so he is in his lap. Shane’s back against Ilya’s chest. He is leaning fully against ilya, his head resting on Ilya’s shoulder. “Is this okay?”

“Yes.” Shane voice is slow and sleepy.

“You need rest.” Ilya brushes Shane’s hair out of his face, then kisses his temple. “Let me take you somewhere you can sleep.”

“No. I have to get home. I have a game tomorrow. We are leaving early.” Shane tries to sit up, but instantly falls back against Ilya’s body.

“I know. Against Ottawa. But you can’t drive now. Not like this.”

“Probably not…” Shane finally admits.

“You can rest on that couch.” Ilya gestures to his small couch in his office. ”It’s not much, but it can let you recharge. And I will make sure to wake you in an hour, okay?

“Sounds perfect.” Shane mumbles, practically falling asleep in Ilya’s lap.

Ilya lifts Shane up and carries him to the couch. He makes sure Shane gets comfortable and tugs him in with a blanket. Then he returns to his desk, puts his pants back on and gets back to work. Suddenly going through these financial documents isn’t as tedious anymore. Not when he can hear Shane’s soft snores and watch his precious little smile as he sleeps.

*****

Hearing your boss fucking someone in his office is nothing new for Troy. He has heard it a few times. But he must admit, Ilya making his partner scream this loudly is a first. Even the customers are sending envious glances towards the office.

“That is definitely not very discreet.” Troy’s head whips around so fast when he hears Harris’ recognizable voice. “Holy smokes, it sounds like they are having a lot of fun.”

“Harris.” Troy can’t stop starring. Harris Drover is at his work. Looking just as beautiful as when he saw him last over a year ago.

“Hi Troy.” Harris smiles.

“What are you doing here?”

“Wow.” Harris chuckles. “It’s nice to see you too, buddy.”

“No, of course. I didn’t mean it like that.” Troy can feel himself blush. “It’s nice to see you. I’m just… surprised I guess.”

“Ilya invited me.”

“Ilya?” Troy looks back towards the office which has finally gotten quiet. “You know Ilya?”

“Know might be too strong a word. I’ve recently met him. He was visiting Coach Wiebe.”

“Oh. Right.” Troy nods. “They are friends. I forgot.”

“Yeah, they are friends. And then I ran into Ilya, we had a nice talk, and he told me about his club. And you.”

“He told you about me?” Troy’s heart is beating so fucking fast. He can’t believe Harris is really here.

“Yes. He told me that you’ve been sober for a year, despite working with alcohol. And that you are the night manager.” Harris sends Troy a big genuine smile. “He is very proud of you.” He then leans in over the bar, getting very close to Troy. “And so am I, Troy. I am so, so proud of you.”

“Thank you.” Troy can feel tears threatening, but he fights them back. No way in hell he is going to stand here, in a sex-club, crying. But he is feeling so fucking overwhelmed by emotions.

“Coach Wiebe wanted me to tell you that if you ever feel like making a comeback to hockey, you should give him a call. He will be happy to help.”

“Are you serious?” Troy can’t believe what he is hearing. This can’t be real, right? It’s some weird fucking dream and he is going to wake up any second now.

“Yeah.” Harris shrugs like he hasn’t just offered Troy his fucking world back. “You are a great player, Troy. Of course he wants you back.”

“But…” he turns to look towards Ilya’s office. “I can’t leave Roz. I won’t do that to him.”

“Troy,” Harris reaches out and takes Troy’s hand. “It was Rozanov who suggested it to the coach. Because he knows how much you miss it.”

“What?” Troy blinks rapidly. His brain not able to fully comprehend this.

“Yes. He just wants what’s best for you. And he said that you could always come and work during the summer.”

In some ways, this still feels like a dream, but Harris warm. Soft hand covering Troy’s own is definitely real. So, all of it must be real.

“I don’t know.” Troy’s heart is beating so hard, Troy fears it will burst through his chest. Going back to hockey? To the world that hates him? He isn’t sure it’s what he wants. He would love to play hockey again, it’s just all of the other shit he doesn’t want. And he for sure doesn’t feel like crawling back into the closet. “Does the coach know I’m gay?” Troy asks bluntly. Harris eyes widen a bit.

“I don’t think so.” Harris says. “At least, I didn’t know.”

“Hmm.” Troy moves his hand away from underneath Harris’ and grabs the empty glasses on the bar so he can put them in the dishwasher. Needing to do something with his hands. “I’m not so sure he wants me on his team if he finds out.”

“I’m pretty sure he doesn’t care.” Harries shrugs. “He doesn’t mind me being gay.”

“You are not a hockey player.” Troy says. “I’m not trying to be rude. Its just… a gay NHL star? The world would fucking combust.”

“I think there’s a lot more than you know.” Harris smiles at Troy.

“I know there are gay – or queer – Hockey players. I’ve met them. Here. At my work. But they are not out. And I’m not going back into the closet. If I am going to play hockey, I won’t be hiding who I am.”

“And you don’t have to. Coach won’t mind.”

“Of course he will.” Troy sighs. Harris’ positive attitude is very cute and all, but in this case he is wrong.

“Buddy,” Harris reaches over and takes Troys hand again, “Have you ever considered how Ilya and Coach Wiebe knows each other?”

Troy blinks rapidly a few times.

No… No, he has not.

“Wait, are you saying that…”

“I’m only saying,” Harris interrupts, “that he might be much more openminded towards queer people than you expect.”

*****

“You know it is okay to not have decided yet, yes?” Ilya is guiding Troy towards their seats. It is very clear that simply stepping into this building, where he once played, has been triggering for Troy.

“What?” Troy clearly hasn’t listened to a single words Ilya has said since arriving in Ottawa.

“About returning to the centaurs. It is okay to not have made up your mind yet.”

“Oh right. Yeah, I just… I don’t know if I am ready to go back to the game.”

“I understand. And so does the team.”

“The team.“ Troy scoffs. “The team doesn’t want me back. They don’t like me.“

“Is not true. They like you. They like you stood up to Kent. They like that you are kind to Harris. They like you.“ Troy starts blushing as soon as Ilya mentions Harry’s and Ilya can’t help but smile. “Harry’s likes you a lot.“

“Stop it.” Troy is fighting his own smile.

“And you like Harris. You should take him on a date. “

“No. “

“No, you do not like Harris?” Ilya raises a questioning eyebrow.

 “I do like Harris. But he shouldn’t be dating me. I’m not…” he sighs and rubs a have through his hair. “I’m not worth it. “

 “Why not?”

“Because I’m a mess. And he deserves better. Someone who’s a good guy.”

Ilya shakes his head. “You are not a mess. “He hates that Troy doesn’t see his own value. “And you are a good guy. You just had bad father. Doesn’t make you bad.” Ilya sighs. “I had bad father too. Am I bad guy?”

“You are obnoxious.” Troy teases, “but no. You are not a bad guy. “

“Exactly. And you are not either. So, after game we go to locker-room to greet team. Okay?”

“Which team?” Troy smirks. “Ottawa or Montreal? Cause I have a feeling you’d prefer to go into Montreal’s locker-room. “

“Maybe. “Ilya admits. “But is not allowed. I cannot go talk to him outside of club. You know this.”

”Rozonav!” Brandon Wiebe shouts from the rink. “What the fuck are you doing up there? Get your ass down here!”

Ilya’s face splits into a grin and pats Troy on the back. “The coach is calling us to the rink.” Then he stands to make his way down to the Ottawa bench, but Troy isn’t getting up. When Ilya turns around, he sees that Troy is as white as a sheet. “Barrett?” Ilya crouches down in front of him. Troy is trembling. His hands balled up into fists. “What is wrong?”

“I can’t go down there.”

“Of course you can.”

“No. what the fuck am I even doing here?” He gets up and frantically looks around. “I don’t belong here. I never fucking did!”

Ilya can hear the panic in Troy’s voice.

“Troy.” Ilya stands and puts his hands on Troys shoulders. “You belong here. Of course you belong here. This is your team.”

“No, it’s not. Toronto was my team, and they fucking traded me as fast as fucking possible.”

“Screw Toronto!” Ilya’s voice is loud and maybe a bit hard, because Troy visibly flinches. “Sorry.” He says a lot lower. “Toronto doesn’t deserve you.”

“I don’t deserve Toronto.”

“Stop that. Toronto is a shit team with an even shittier coach. This is good team. With great fucking coach. Who is calling for us. So, we are going to go down there now.” Troy shakes his head, but he isn’t trying to leave or anything, so Ilya thinks that Troy might just be scared and needs someone to take charge. And that is something Ilya has gotten pretty good at. “You can go down there yourself, or I can fucking carry you. Your choice.”

A moment of disbelief flashes through Troy’s eyes but then he probably notices the seriousness in Ilya’s gaze, so he just nods once.

“I’ll walk.”

“Good.”

Ilya makes sure that Troy is in front of him as they make their way down to the rink. Troy still seems very nervous.

“Barrett!” Wyatt, the team goalie screams when he sees them. “What the fuck, man. Are you back?”

“No.” Troy shakes his head. “Just here to watch the game.”

“For real? Damn.” Wyatt looks very disappointed.

“What?”

“I had hoped you’d come back. We could really use you.”

“You could?”

“Yes, of course! You are fucking talented! We are desperate for someone like you.” Wyatt says as the rest of the team is approaching them, with big smiles on their faces. “Wait, screw that. We aren’t desperate to get someone like you. We are desperate to get you! Is there any chance you’ll reconsider?”

“Hey Troy!” Bood, the team captain shouts as he skates over. “Welcome home, man. We’ve missed you.”

Ilya can tell Troy is on the verge of tears, so he puts a calming hand on his shoulder. Troy seems to find strength in Ilya’s presence and finally smiles back at the team.

“You know what?” He says. “If you guys really mean it, I’ll come by for the next practice. See if I still know how to do this. And then well go from there, okay?”

“That’s fucking great, Barrett!” Bood slaps Troy’s back. “It will be good to have you back on the ice, man.”

Ilya smiles and steps back as Troy starts engaging happily in conversations with the team. His gaze lands on Harris, who is standing behind the coach, watching everything with tears in his eyes and a slightly trembling hand covering his mouth. Then he nods at Ilya and Ilya nods back. Ilya couldn’t have done this without Harris. They couldn’t have done this without each other. Without the team. And as much as it pains Ilya to lose his manager – a guy that is more like a brother than an employee – he knows this is what’s best for Troy.

He turns and gazes out onto the ice, remembering his teenage years when he thought he might end up being a NHL star too one day. But fate wanted things differently. Sometimes he wonders how his life would have been if he had kept pursuing that career path. If everything hadn’t gotten so fucked up… but that’s silly to dwell on. Afterall, there is nothing he can do about it now.

Then he notices Shane Hollander on the ice, watching Ilya, and Ilya sends him a smile and a wink. He knows he is not supposed to do that. Hollander hasn’t given him permission to interact outside of the club, he just couldn’t resist.

Shane quickly turns around and skates away, but just before he reaches the Montral bench, he turns his head and smiles at Ilya.

Chapter 4

Chapter Notes

Hi guys
So, I managed to write another chapter, but please don’t expect too much, because it is written with a fever so I have no idea if it’s any good. Also, it’s not betaread (Nothing in this work is) and English isn’t my first language.
This means 3 things that combined can result in a lot of mistakes. Sorry about that.
But at least I’ve managed to plan out the story, and just like the show, this will be a 6-part story.
I hope you guys enjoy, and please feel free to leave kudos and comments since they are the ones giving me the motivation to keep writing this story :)

I also want to say thank you to everyone who has already supported me and this story so much. it means the world to me.
Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Alright, now onto the chapter.
Enjoy.

Love, Ayana

Ilya walks a few steps behind Barrett and Harris when they leave the arena. Smiling for himself. Troy seems so happy to be around Harris.

Then suddenly, out if the blue, Ilya gets slammed up against a wall. A very angry looking Hollander is grabbing a fistful of Ilya’s shirt, glaring at him. Ilya’s face breaks into a playful smirk.

“Hollander.” He grins, like Hollander isn’t looking like someone that wants to murder him.

“What the hell is wrong with you!” Shane grumbles agitated.

 “Wait, is that..?” Ilya hears Harris’ concerned voice followed by Troy’s less concerned voice.

“Ignore it.” He says. “Actually, just pretend you never saw it.“

“But don’t you think he needs help?” Harris asks, and when Ilya glances in their direction, he can see Troy gently guiding Harris away from Ilya and Shane.

“Nope. Trust me, Roz is right where he wants to be.”

And Troy is right. When Ilya had begun teasing Hollander on the ice earlier, this was exactly what he had hoped for.

“Why on earth would you do that during a fucking game!” Shane hisses through gritted teeth with anger in his eyes. But it is not just anger. There is also something more.

Lust.

“You were hard, weren’t you?” Ilya smirks playfully.

“Fuck you.” Shane yanks Ilya towards him by his shirt. So close their faces are almost touching. “You are a fucking asshole.” Then he slams him back against the wall, rather roughly. And Ilya must admit he kind of likes this side of Hollander. It’s hot

“But I hardly did anything.” Ilya shrugs innocently.

“Screw you!” Shane shouts, then lowers his voice into a whisper when he apparently remembers they are in public. Or semipublic, anyway. “You called me over during intermission to fucking flirt, Ilya.”

Ilya grins at him, licks his lips seductively, then leans in to whisper in Hollander’s ear.

“I only told you that I wanted to join you in your locker-room and suck you off in the shower while your team was outside. Waiting for you to finish showering. Not knowing I was getting you off.” Ilya leans back again making sure to look as smug as fucking possible. “Can hardly count s flirting.”

“Jesus Christ, Rozanov. Shut the fuck up!” Hollander’s face is burning red. “You don’t have to repeat it.”

“Why not?” Ilya teases. “You seem to like the idea.”

“I don’t.”

The words might say no, but Ilya isn’t oblivious to how Shane’s entire body is trembling with need, and his eyes are a pleading yes.

“I can go back to locker-room with you now. Fulfill the fantasy. Or most of it. The team is gone, so we have to just pretend that part.”

“No.” Shane says instantly, then he seems to consider it a bit. “I can’t.” Hollander shakes his head, but Ilya can tell he really wants to say yes.

“Why not? “

“Too risky.” Shane is still clutching Ilyas shirt, but the anger is completely gone. “Someone could see us.” Ilya absolutely loves how a few words can make Shane go from furious to horny in seconds.

“Like who?” Ilya desperately wants to reach out and caress Shane’s beautiful freckles. Kiss his pink, plump lips. But he keeps himself under control.

“Someone from the cleaning crew. Or one of my teammates that has forgotten something.”

“Cleaning isn’t here until later. And how often do your teammates forgot stuff in locker-room?”

“Not often.” Shane admits.

“So,” Ilya can’t resist anymore and gently strokes the back of his index finger down Shane’s cheek. Shane closes his eyes and leans into the touch. “We go to the furthest corner in the showers. If we hear someone, one of us can hide while the other one admits to taking a shower.”

“We would have to be very quiet.” Shane’s voice is a whisper, and his eyes have now zeroed in on Ilya’s lips.

“We can be quiet. If we have to.” Ilya knows Shane is going to go along with it. He can tell.

Shane nods. “Okay. But I’m the one hiding if someone come in. You are going to be the idiot with some lame excuse to why you are showering in the locker-room.”

“Deal. I’m good with lame excuses. Also, I am very charming, and people will not even notice me lying. Especially when I’m naked.”

Shane swallows thickly and Ilya can tell he is picturing it and silently agreeing.

“What about Troy?” Shane asks.

“You want Troy to come into the locker-room with us?” Ilya teases. “I’m sure he will be okay with that.”

“No, you idiot.” Shane slaps Ilya’s chest. “You came here with him, right? Shouldn’t you text him or something. Let him know that you are… uhm… late.”

Ilya grins and wiggles his eyebrows at Shane. “Late, huh? How long do you think we will fool around for?”

“Shut up.” Shane mumbles low, ducking his head like he is embarrassed. It’s fucking adorable.

“Troy will be fine. He is with Harris. Also, he knows how you and I are when we are together. He won’t be expecting me for a while.”

“Oh… right…” The blush on Shane’s face spreads all the way to his neck and the tip of his ears.

“No need to be embarrassed.” Ilya puts two fingers under Shane’s chin and angles his face up. “He has heard you come. This is nothing.”

“Oh god.” Shane breathes out, screwing his eyes shut as Ilya chuckles.

“And you should probably try to be a lot quieter this time, yes?”

“I hate you.” Shane mumbles, then lets go of Ilya’s shirt, that is now completely wrinkled where Shane had it bundled up, and walks towards the locker-room from where he came. Ilya grins, smooths out his shirt a bit, then follows.

As soon as Ilya walks through the locker-room doors, Shane surprises him by pushing him up against the now closed doors and kisses him hard and desperately. Ilya lets Shane take charge. He seems to be needing it at the moment.

“You are such a fucking asshole.” He grumbles as he keeps attacking Ilya’s mouth and neck with his lips. “I don’t know why on earth I even put up with you.”

“Because you like my dick.” Ilya whispers low. “Actually, I think you crave it. And my mouth.” Shane whimpers as Ilya grabs a fistful of Shane’s hair, tugging back his head so he can kiss him deeply. Then he whispers against Shane’s lips. “I think you crave my entire body, even. So much even, that you can overlook the fact you think I’m an asshole.” Then he lets go of Shane’s hair and smiles wickedly, “but that’s just a guess.” Shane blinks rapidly at him a few times. Almost like he is trying to reset himself or something. “Anyway,” Ilya continues, “you were busy taking charge so….” He puts his hands up in surrender. “Please continue.”

“Fuck…” Shane mutters, seemingly unable to go back to being in charge. “Do that again. Please.”

“What?”

“Grab my hair like that. It went straight to my fucking cock and I want more.”

Ilya smirks. He might have been wrong about Shane being unable to go back to being in charge. Apparently, he just swapped from doing it physically, to verbally. Still, really hot.

“Like this?” Ilya grabs Shane’s hair again and tugs it. Shane lets out a deep moan as his eyes flutter shut.

“Yes… just like that. Fuck…”

“What else?” Ilya whispers with his lips close to Shane’s ear. “Tell me what else you want me to do.”

Shane’s tongue darts out and wets his lips. “I want you to fuck me. Right here. Against those doors.”

“Ballsy.” Ilya licks at Shane’s earlobe. “What if someone comes?”

“Make sure to have me pushed hard enough against the door so no one can open it.” Ilya’s dick twitches by that. “And don’t let go of my hair.” He adds. “I want you to hold onto me like that as you fuck me.”

“Okay.” Ilya is impressed. Shane has gone from being scared someone would hear them in an empty shower, to wanting Ilya to fuck him against the door leading out to the public hallway. “Remember to keep quiet.”

“Of course.”

“You need help with it? Should I find something to put in your mouth?”

“Fuck… Yes. Good idea. Uhm…” Shane pulls away from Ilya and Ilya releases his grip on Shane’s hair. Shane disappears further into the locker-room for a moment and returns with a cloth in his hand. “This is clean. I can bite down on this, and it will muffle any noises that I might not be able to control.”

“I like that idea. But we can do better, I think. Do you have any bandage in here?”

“Sure. Why?”

“I’m going to tie it around your head. Keeping the cloth in your mouth.”

“Fuck.” Shane’s hand darts to the bulges in his pants, squeezing it. “That so fucking hot.”

“Yes.” Ilya nods, his eyes locked on Shane’s hand. “Very.”

A few moments later, both men are naked and Shane is already opened up and prepped with lube, bend over with his chest pressed against the door, his ass pushed out and legs spread wide. The cloth is in his mouth, tied down and Ilya has bound Shane’s wrists together too behind his back.

“Are you ready?” He asks, one hand gently stroking Shane’s hair, the other on his right hip. Shane nods and Ilya slowly pushes in.

Shane is doing a good job at keeping quiet, probably treating it as a challenge, and Ilya likes it. He likes how good Shane is at obeying.

As soon as Ilya is fully inside Shane, he gives him a moment to get used to it. Stroking his hair and murmuring Russian praises into his ear. Telling him he is a good boy, and a quiet moan escapes Shane. Almost like he understands him.

When Shane’s body relaxes, Ilya tangles his fingers into Shane’s hair and grips it hard, tugging his head backwards as he pulls out slowly. He puts his other hand on Shane’s tied wrists, gripping them tight and uses it as leverage to push back in, making Shane whimper into the cloth, completely unable to stay quiet.

“Is okay?” He asks, afraid he has taken it too far, but Shane nods frantically, his eyes pleading for more. ¨

He repeats the motion a few times more and Shane’s body starts trembling. His eyes rolling to the back of his head, a tiny bit of drool running down from the corner of his mouth. He looks like he is completely lost in pleasure. Gone for the world.

God, this man will be the death of Ilya. He has no doubt.

****

Shane is happy that they did this somewhere near a shower, because he had cum and drool all over his chest and stomach when they were done fucking. And maybe Shane should be more embarrassed about the fact he had drooled all over himself, but he really isn’t. For some reason he knows he never has to be ashamed of anything regarding sex around Ilya. He will never judge. Tease him, sure. Chirp him, highly possible. But judge him… never.

Both men are in a towel, their hair damp. Shane is having trouble wrapping his head around the fact he just fucked a man in the locker-room his team was in only moments before. It’s so fucking surreal.

“Are you heading back to Montreal today?” Ilya asks, snapping Shane back to reality.

“No not today. I’m going to have dinner with my parents tonight. They live here in Ottawa. And then I’ll probably spend the night there and leave for Montreal tomorrow. We have the day off anyway.”

“Sounds nice.” Ilya says as he begins to dress.

“Why?” Shane asks, his heart beating fast. Did Ilya ask because he wants to travel back with him? Or because he wants them to do something together now, or…. Shane mentally shakes his head and tells himself to stop conjuring up fake scenarios in his head.

“I am staying in Ottawa at hotel tonight. Troy is visiting Harris. I expect him to stay the night.”

Ilya doesn’t say anything else. The words hanging in the air like a vague invite… maybe. Or maybe Shane is just overanalyzing it.

“Sounds like Troy might be having one hell of a night.” Shane says, ignoring the part where Ilya has a hotel room for himself.

“Yes. I think he will be.”

They both finish getting dressed in silence, the insinuation of Ilya’s words still rumbling around inside Shane’s confused brain.

“I should get going.” Shane says eventually, “my parents are expecting me.”

“Right. Of course.”

Shane nods, grabs his bag and walks past Ilya to get to the door. Ilya steps out of his way, but as Shane opens the door, Ilya puts a hand on Shane’s shoulder.

“Maybe you could stop by the hotel tonight? A quick visit.”

“Yeah?”

“Yes. Could be…” Ilya lips quirk up into a suggestive smirk “… fun.”

“Alright.” Shane shrugs, trying to act casual while his stomach is doing flips. “Sure. Sounds great.”

“Give me your phone.”

“Why?””

“To swap numbers, of course.”

“Oh. Yes. of course.”

Shane gives Ilya his phone and he enters his number then sends himself a text. “I have saved my number under Lily. No one will know you are texting a man.”

“And what will my number be under?”

“Doesn’t matter. Everyone knows I fuck men.”

“Still…” Shane says. “Maybe don’t use my real name… just in case.”

For a second Ilya almost looks disappointed. Then he smiles. “Jane, then.”

“Jane.” Shane repeats. “Alright. See you later… Lily.” Then he quickly darts out the door before he is tempted to kiss Ilya goodbye.

“I’m just gonna head out for a bit.” Shane tells his parents after having helped clean up from the delicious dinner they had made.

“Really?” His mom, Yuna, asks, the disappointment clear in her voice. “But you’ve only been here a few hours.”

“Yeah, I am just going to hang out with a few old friends. But we can do brunch tomorrow before I leave, if you want to?” Shane feels bad. He shouldn’t be ditching his parents to go get laid. Especially since he already had sex once today.

“Oh… okay. Are you still going to sleep here?”

“Yeah, I think so.” Shane says, while hoping he won’t. Spending the night with Ilya is much more tempting than spending the night in his childhood bedroom. “Unless it gets really late. Then I might stay with one of the guys.” Shane hopes his parents won’t ask who he is going to see. He is terrible at coming up with lies on the spot.

“That’s fine, son.” David says, putting a hand on Yuna’s shoulder. “You go have fun. And we will see you for brunch tomorrow.”

Shane nods, waves his goodbyes and darts out the door while texting Ilya that he is on his way.

Not long after, Shane finds himself in front of a hotel room, knocking on the door with a heart that’s practically trying to beat its way out of his chest.

“Hollander.” Ilya says as he opens the door in only sweatpants that thangs very low on his hips. Shane’s eyes instantly go to the naked skin right above the waistband, his mouth watering.

“Jesus Christ…” Shane mutters then without even thinking, he reaches out and touches the tempting, naked hipbone.

God, Shane wants to put his mouth on that piece of skin.

“Are you okay?” Ilya chuckles and that’s when Shane realizes he is out in the open and not behind closed doors. He quickly retracts his hand.

“Yes. Of course.” Then he enters and Ilya closes the door behind him.

“Are you sure? You seemed… distracted. Almost hypnotized.”

Shane can tell that Ilya is teasing him, but he doesn’t really care. Ilya is right. He was fucking hypnotized.

“I’m sure.” Shane says then drops to his knees, his hands gripping each side of Ilya’s hips, holding him in place as he mouths at Ilya’s dick through his pants. He can feel Ilya starting to get hard against his mouth.

“fuck, Hollander….” Ilya plants his hands above Shane’s head on the wall behind Shane, steadying himself. “Why so desperate? I just fucked you few hours ago.”

Ilya actually sounds like he generally confused by Shane’s instant need and desperation, so Shane stops mouthing at Ilya’s dick and looks up at him.

“Because you opened the fucking door dressed like that.”

“Is just sweatpants.” Ilya says, almost sounding innocent, but Shane knows better. The pants was a deliberate decision Ilya made. He has no doubt.

“Sure… and you normally wear your pants so low that people would be able to see the head of you cock poke out, if you get hard.”

Ilya laughs at that.

“Perhaps not.”

Shane keeps his eyes on Ilya as he runs his bottom lip over the exposed skin from the waistband up to his bellybutton, then kisses it.

“It should be illegal to look this good.” Shane mumbles against Ilya’s skin, not knowing if he hears it. And Shane actually doesn’t even care if he does. He is being truthful. He then hooks hips thumbs in the waistband and pulls the pants down, setting Ilya’s now rigid cock free.

Instantly, Shane takes Ilya into his mouth, sucking him deep into his throat.

“Yes… fuck… just like that.” Ilya moans, a hand finding its way into Shane’s hair. “So good….” Shane smiles around Ilya’s cock. He loves how Ilya always praises him. It’s hot. “Fuck…” He pants. “Don’t make me come.” He tugs gently at Shane’s hair. “I don’t want to come yet. I want to fuck you.”

Shane pulls off Ilya’s dick with a parting lick to the head, making Ilya shudder. Then he gets up and starts to undress.

“Where do you want to fuck me?” Shane is pleased with the fact he sounds more confident than he feels. He is nervous as hell. Excited too. But there is just something about being in an actual hotel room together that makes things feel different.

“On the bed.” No hesitation at all in Ilya’s voice. Shane folds his clothes and puts them on the back of a chair before going over to the bed. He starts positioning himself on his hands and knees when Ilya interjects. “No. not like that. Not tonight. I want you to ride me. I’ve wanted you to ride me ever since I had you in my lap in front of others.”

“Fuck…” Shane breathes. “I really want that too.” Ilya gets on the bed, half sitting up against the headboard and Shane straddles him. “Like this?”

“Yes.” Ilya reaches for a condom and the lube. He gets himself ready and slicks his finger up. Shane closes his eyes, his body trembling in delighted anticipation. Slowly Ilya traces his finger over Shane’s hole. He is a bit sore from earlier, but it’s something he has actually come to enjoy. He likes the slight pain mixed with pleasure. “Are you ready?” Ilya asks and when Shane nods, he slowly pushes his finger inside Shane, making him gasp.

“shiiit…” he breathes out, enjoying the stretch. Getting his hole filled twice in one day is truly something. “Fuck, that feels good.”

Ilya smirks. “Such a little slut you have become.” He teases and Shane blushes. But it’s true. He does feel a bit slutty. In the best way possible.

Ilya thrusts his finger in and out of Shane for a moment before adding a second one. Shane has his arms wrapped around Ilya’s neck, holding him closes as he rocks himself on Ilya’s fingers. His eyes closed. Enjoying the sense of having Ilya inside him. Underneath him. Against him. Feeling Ilya all over his body. Then Ilya’s lips are on his, devouring him. And Shane kisses back just as greedily. Wanting more. Wanting everything.

Ilya adds a third finger, opening Shane up even more. This time it’s a bit rougher. Faster. Like he is getting desperate to be inside Shane. Which Shane fully appreciates. He has been desperate for Ilya’s dick to be inside him ever since he pulled out after fucking him in the locker-room.

“Good enough?” He asks and Shane nods frantically. “or you need more?”

“Good enough. Fuck me please.” Ilya quickly covers his dick with lube and slides inside Shane, both of them sighing with relieve. Like they had been close to dying before feeling connected like this again. “Oh my god…” Shane mumbles, his lips brushing Ilya’s. “I fucking love your dick.” Ilya groans in response, lifting Shane up from his lap and guiding him back down hard. “You want me to ride you hard?”

“Yes.” Shane doesn’t hesitate. He starts riding Ilya hard and fast, pounding his ass down in Ilya’s lap, making the bed tremble and bang against the wall. But he doesn’t fucking care that they are being loud. “fuck, Yes! Just like that.” Ilya grumbles. “Come on. Fuck! You feel so fucking good…”

Shane’s orgasm is approaching so fast, he is afraid he wont get Ilya to come before it’s too late. “Shit… Ilya… I’m right there… oh my god…”

“Me too… me too...” Ilya pants. “Keep going…. Just a bit longer, Shane… fuck…”

Shane closes his eyes, concentrating on fighting off his orgasm just a bit longer as he keeps riding Ilya.

“I can’t hold back much longer….” Shane pants and when Ilya’s dick hits his prostate again, Shane tumbles over the edge, splashing both of their chests with his cum.

“fuuuuckk…” Ilya cries out loudly, emptying himself into the condom.

Shane slumps over, resting his forehead against Ilya’s shoulder, breathing hard.

“oh, my fucking god…” He mumbles. “That was… insane.”

Ilya chuckles but doesn’t answer. He just kisses Shane’s hair.

When Shane catches his breath, he climbs off Ilya’s lap and drops down on the bed next to him.

“It was hot. You are hot.” Ilya says, as he leans down and kisses Shane’s shoulder.

“You were fucking amazing.” Shane smiles sleepily at Ilya.

“Want to take a shower with me?” Ilya asks, as he caresses Shane’s arm.

“Sure.”

“You have time? Before going back?”

“Yeah.” Shane leans over and kisses Ilya. “I have time.”

They make their way to the shower, kissing and caressing as they wait for the water to get warm. It feels sweet. Tender. Almost lovingly. And Shane lets himself enjoy it a bit. It’s not often he feels treasured like this.

Once the water is warm they step in.

Ilya is looking at Shane fondly as Shane soaps himself up, then without any warning he puts a hand on Shane’s face, brushing his thumb over Shane’s cheekbone.

“You are so beautiful, Shane.”

Shane’s heart stops.

Suddenly completely overwhelmed with how much this doesn’t seem casual. Thinking back, the entire night hasn’t seemed casual at all. And the way his body, heart and mind react to those words most definitely doesn’t seems casual.

His body is craving Ilya’s touch. His mind wants more, and his heart…. His heart feels so full that Shane fears it might burst…

“I…” Shane has no idea what to say. He suddenly feels like he wants to tell Ilya how perfect he is. How stunning and wonderful Shane finds him. But he can’t. It would ruin everything. “Thank you.” He just says instead, then turns away, pretending to rinse off the soap.

For the rest of the shower, Shane is tense. He is suddenly very aware of how much he wants Ilya to ask him to spend the night. How much he wants to fall asleep in Ilya’s arms.

“I have to go.” Shane says as soon as they are out of the shower. “My parents are expecting me to come home.” Shane says with panic in his voice. God this is horrible. Ilya can probably hear it too.

“Your parents?”

“Yes… uhm… I rarely see them and I promised that…” Shane scrambles around looking for his pants. “… that I would spend the night so we could have breakfast or something before I leave tomorrow.”

“Okay…” Ilya sounds like he doesn’t believe him at all. Or maybe that he just doesn’t care.

“Yeah so…” He grabs his shirt and pulls it on. “… I’ve really got to go.”

“Okay.” Ilya repeats again then gestures to Shane’s shirt. “Is on backwards.”

“What?” he looks down and sees Ilya is right. “Oh…” he quickly takes the shirt off and puts it back on correctly.

“Better.” Ilya smiles, but it seems strained.

“I’m gonna go.” Shane says and opens the door. “I’ll see you some other time…” Then he darts out before Ilya can respond, his heart beating like crazy.

As soon as he is far enough away so Ilya won’t be able to hear him, he calls Hayden.

“Hi buddy.” Hayden’s voice is cheerful.

“I think I’ve fucked up.”

“What?”

“Yes. I… Jesus Christ…” Shane runs his hand through his hair. “How the fuck did this happen?”

“Calm down.” Hayden says. “And back up a bit. what has happened? Are you okay? Like physically. “

“Yeah, yeah. I’m fine…”

“Good.” Hayden sighs relieved. “Tell me what’s wrong.”

“I think I’m in love with him.”

“Who?”

“Ilya.”

“Rozanov?” Hayden asks and Shane wants to throttle him.

“Of course, Rozanov! How many other Ilya’s do you know?”

“Sorry. Just making sure.” Hayden says then mutters under his breath. “I was kinda hoping it was someone else.”

“I heard that.”

“Sorry.”  Hayden says sheepishly. “So, you are in love with Rozanov.”

“Yeah… maybe. I think so… fuck.”

“Besides him being a completely asshole,” Hayden says, “then why is that a bad thing? Don’t you want to find someone to fall in love with?”

“Someday, maybe. But not him… not…”

“A sex-club owner?” Hayden suggests.

“What? Why would I care about that? It’s a secret club. No one knows he owns it.”

“Then what?”

“He is a guy.”

“Yeah.” Hayden says, clearly not understanding the issue. “I’m pretty sure you’ve known that for a while. At least since the first time he put his dick in you.”

“Hayden!” Shane shrieks. “You are not helping!”

“Sorry. But I don’t get what the problem is.”

“I can’t fall in love with a man. Have casual sex with, sure. But I can’t, like…. Spend my life with a man. Not as an NHL player.”

“Why not?”

“Because that’s just not…” Shane stops, not sure how to say it without sounding like he is a fucking bigot himself. “There are no queer hockey players. At least not openly. It’s just not something you do.”

“You could be the first.” Hayden suggests.

“God no.” Shane shudders. “That would be fucking awful. Imagine the scrutiny? The constant attention.”

“Alright… then what? Ignore that you are gay and marry a woman someday?”

“I’ve never said I’m gay.”

Silence.

Nothing but silence.

“Hayden? Are you there?”

“I’m here… I’m just…” He sighs and Shane can picture him running his hand down his face like he usually does when he feels like he in in over his head. “I just hate that you feel like you have to hide a part of yourself. Gay or bi. It doesn’t matter. I just... I wish you could be you, you know?”

Shane nods, tears suddenly burning in his eyes. “I know. Me too. But I can’t.”

“Are you sure? I know it will be hell for a long fucking time, but won’t it be worth it?”

“No.” Shane says, not entirely sure if he means it. “I really can’t handle that kind of attention, Hayd. You know me. I would hate it.

“Okay.” Hayden sounds defeated, but Shane knows he will always be on Shane’s side. “Then you need to make yourself fall out of love again.”

“How do I do that?”

“My advise? Find someone else to sleep with. Get your mind off him. Eventually, your feelings will disappear too.”

“Ilya isn’t here.” Troy says as Shane enters the club. His face instantly flushes just by the mention of his name.

“That’s fine. I’m not looking for Ilya.”

“Really?” Troy clearly doesn’t believe him.

“Really.” He repeats. “I’m actually here to see if I can find someone else to…. Uhm…”

“Hook up with?” Troy suggest, but he sounds strange. A bit uneasy. But that might just be Shane projecting his own feelings and nervousness.

“Yeah.” Shane nods.

“Alright then.” Troy slides a shot glass across the bar. “Here’s some liquid courage.”

“Thanks” Shane takes the glass.

“And that guy over there has been eyeing you every time you come in.” Troy gestures to a tall handsome man with dark hair and green eyes. Shane nods to himself. Sure… that could work. He downs the shot and puts the glass back on the bar.

“Thanks.” He then approaches the handsome man who instantly directs all his attention to Shane.

“Shane Hollander.” He says with a very charming smile.

“You seem to have the upper hand.” Shane says, trying his best to be playfull. Flirtatious. “You know my name, but I don’t know yours.”

“Ashton.” He says, offering his hand to Shane. Shane takes it. “Ashton Wellis.”

“Nice to meet you, Ashton.”

As Shane and Ashton keeps chatting, Shane notices a lot of men looking in their direction. Actually, starring might be more exact.

“Just ignore them.” Ashton says. “They are jealous.”

“Why?”

“Everyone wants to try a piece of the man who can turn a playboy like Ilya Rozanov into a lapdog.”

Shane instantly blushes. “I haven’t….” he stops himself when Ashton sends him a knowing look. “Why do you think I’ve turned him into a… lapdog.”

“Because ever since you guys started fucking, it’s nearly impossible to get Rozanov’s attention. No one else but you seem to succeed at it.

Fuck…

This isn’t helping Shane at all.

“I think you are mistaken.” Shane tries. “I’m sure he has been with plenty of others since we started… uhm…”

“Fucking?” Ashton suggests with a smirk.

“Yeah.” Shane can feel his cheeks heat.

“God, you are really a dainty little flower, aren’t you? I wonder if that’s what Ilya loves so much about you.”

“Ilya doesn’t love me.” Shane says quickly. Probably too quickly.

“I said love about you.”

“Oh, right. That’s what I meant.

“If you say so.” Ashton takes a sip of his bear.

Shane can feel himself getting a bit uncomfortable. Not because of Ashton, but just the entire situation. He needs a casual one-time hookup. With no mentions of Ilya.

“I was nice to meet you.” Shane says and quickly bolts before Ashton can say anything else.

It takes almost an hour before Shane is able to find a stranger – that doesn’t mention Ilya or Shane’s relations to Ilya – so when he finds one, he doesn’t waste any time getting to know him before suggesting they go to one of the VIP rooms. The guy follows willingly as Shane leads him to the only room, he knows what to expect from. The room Ilya brought him too the first time they fucked. He ignores the pit in his stomach as they go inside.

The guy has his lips attached to Shane’s neck as soon as they are inside, and Shane tries his best to focus on how it feels. The lips against his skin. The warm breath. The hands slowly undressing him. And he finds that if he really concentrates, he can keep Ilya out of his thoughts. So, he concentrates the best he has learned. He focuses on the hands that are now running down his naked body. Ignoring the way his mind is informing him that these hands doesn’t feel as good as the ones he is used to. They aren’t as big or as tentative. They don’t seem to know exactly where he needs to be touched. But he can live with it. He will just guide them to the right spots.

He lets the stranger lie him down on the bed, his eyes unfocused and relaxed, so he doesn’t compare the stranger’s looks to Ilya. But when he moves in to kiss Shane while his hand is sliding down Shane’s body, getting closer to his (embarrassingly soft) dick, Shane freaks out. He turns his head away from the kiss.

“Stop.” He mumbles.

“What?” The guy asks. Clearly not having heard him.

“Stop.” He repeats. “Fuck… I’m sorry.” Shane’s voice is trembling as he puts his palms on the stranger’s chest, pushing him away. “I can’t do this.”

“What?”

“I’m sorry… I can’t do this. I really can’t….” His heart starts beating fast, blood rushing in his ears and his breathing turning quick and shallow. “Please get of me.” The guy seems totally stunned by Shane’s outburst. “Get off… Get off.” Shane pushes him harder and the guy quickly moves away. His eyes so confused and Shane wishes he could tell him that he hasn’t done anything wrong.  That isn’t because of him. But he can’t. He can’t do anything right now.

Shane scrambles out of the bed, almost tripping over himself in his effort to hurry. The guy is standing next to the bed, his hands reaching out to help. Saying comforting words that Shane can’t quite understand. “Don’t touch me.” Shane says and darts away from the touch, backing himself into a corner between the bed and a wall. “Don’t touch me,” he mumbles again as he sinks to the floor. “Don’t touch me.” He pulls his knees to his chest, wrapping his arms around them and starts rocking. Attempting to soothe himself. He has no idea what is happening to him. Or why, even.

He only knows that this feels way too fucking familiar. And then he realizes what is happening.

I’m having a fucking panic attack.

He hears a familiar voice in the background.

“I’m calling Ilya.” It says.

Chapter 5

Chapter Notes

Hi guys.

Here is another chapter. I'm not gonna lie, I've been strugling a lot with this one, but I hope it has turned out okay. i had to delete and rewrite a few times and it has been exhausting. Also, it might end up being more than 6 chapters, because i had to alter my plan but I don't know yet.
As always, thank you to everyone who has been supporting this story with kudoes and comments and recommandations. i have literally been screaming and sending screenshots to friends everytime I see someone recomending this fic to others. So thank you, thank you, thank you.

Please be aware of the updated tags (I've also put it as a triggerwarning in the begining of this chapter.) if anything makes you uncomfortable, please take care of yourself and skip this chapter.

- Love, Ayana

Triggerwarning:

 #Insinuation of sexual assault but there hasn’t been any.

#mentions of suicide.

“Do you know how hot you look behind a bar?” Harris asks playfully, his head resting in his hand as he sits by the bar, ogling Troy.

“No.” He chuckles. “But feel free to tell me.” Troy leans over the bar and places a fast kiss on Harris’ lips.

“Oh wow….” Harris fans himself theatrically. “Like that. So hot.”

“You are weird.” Troy laughs with a smile.

“Maybe. But I’m dating a hot bartender, so I win.”

The phone behind the bar rings and Troy shakes his head at Harris then answers it.

“Uhm, I think something is wrong here.” A voice says. “Someone is shouting. And not in a good way.”

“Where?” Troy asks. Harris instantly looks concerned. Probably because of Troy’s tone.

“Room 14.”

“I’ll be right up.” He hangs up the phone and gestures for one of the other bartenders to watch the bar. “I have to go.”

“Is everything okay?” Harris asks as Troy jumps over the bar.

“Not sure.” He quickly kisses Harris then turns to the bartender who were working alongside Troy. “Put anything he wants on my tap, okay?” Then turns back to Harris “I’ll be right back.”

“Okay. Be safe.” Harris calls after him as Troy hurries to the elevator.

As soon as he reaches room 14, the guy who made the call is waiting outside.

“It’s been pretty quiet since I called.”

“Okay. Thanks.” Troy knocks on the door. “This is the manager. I need you to open the door.”

A few seconds later, a guy in only his underwear opens.

“I don’t know what happened.” He says instantly, then steps away to let Troy in. He glances around the room then sees it.

Shane Hollander. Naked. Sitting in a corner. Rocking back and forth.

“What the hell?” He turns to the guy. “What happened?”

“I don’t know. We were just fooling around. I barely touched him. Then he freaked out. Started screaming at me.”

Troy nods. In any other situation, Troy would probably be able to deal with this, but because it involves Hollander, he knows Ilya would kill him if he doesn’t involve him.

“I’m calling Ilya.” He pulls out his phone and hits the speed dial button for Ilya. “Roz.” He says as soon as Ilya answers the phone.

“What?” He can hear Ilya is annoyed. “What is problem?”

“We have a situation.” Troy steps further away from the guy in his underwear, trying to keep the conversation just a bit private.

“What situation? You are manager. You should be able to handle situations when I am not there. Is my day off.”

Fuck. Troy had totally forgotten that Ilya had said he needed the entire day to handle some family stuff.

“Shit. Sorry Roz. And normally I would be able to deal with this myself, but…”

“But what?”

“It’s Hollander. He is freaking out.”

“Why?” The annoyance is gone and there is only true concern in his voice. “What made him freak out?”

“I’m not entirely sure. He is in one of the private rooms. With uhm…” Troy has to gesture for the guy to say his name, because he has no fucking clue who the guy is.

“I’m Travis. Travis Reid.”

“Some guy named Travis Reid.”

“I’m new here. I met up with the day manager about a week ago. I just got my VIP membership. I’m in a band. Its actually pretty popular.” The guy rambles and Troy glares at him till he shuts up.

“It’s a new guy. Svetlana signed him. He’s a singer I think.”

“Travis.” Ilya spits out the name like it’s poison.

“Yeah… and he says that they were just… fooling around when Shane suddenly freaked out.”

“Fooling around.” Ilya repeats. “Tell me,” Ilyas voice is stern. “Is Hollander dressed?”

“No. He is naked.” Troy can almost feel the anger through the phone.

“Has he hurt him?”

“I don’t know. Hollander won’t let anyone come near him.”

“Okay. I will come.” Ilya then speaks in Russian to someone who answers in Russian too. A woman. “I will be there in 5 minutes.” He says in english.

“5 minutes? You’ll be no help to Shane if you die in a car crash.” Troy says, knowing all too well how Ilya drives when he is not in a hurry. So, he can only imagine how much worse it will be when he is desperate to be at Shane’s side.

“Fine. “ Ilya sighs. “10 minutes.” Troy can hear Ilya rushing through a building. Doors opening and closing. “Stay on the phone. Try and talk to Hollander for me.”

“He is gonna yell at me.” Troy says.

“Stop whining.” Troy can hear a door slam. “Go talk to him.”

“Fine.” Troy approaches cautiously, putting his phone down on the bed so Ilya can hear them.

“Shane?” he says quietly, but it still startles him. He looks up, his eyes glazed over like he isn’t really there, and they are wide and scared.

“Please… Please just leave me alone.” He pleads, moving backwards, deeper into the corner. “I need to be alone.” He mutters, his voice barely a whisper. Then he starts rocking again. He looks like he isn’t fully comprehending what’s happening around him.

Troy takes the phone. “You heard it?”

“Yes. He is scared.”

“He is.”

“Is he hurt?”

“I still can’t see any signs of him being hurt. He is just sitting in the corner, holding his knees. Rocking back and forth.”

“Ah…” Ilya says. “He is having panic attack.”

“Yeah maybe.”

“Try and offer him a blanket. Maybe it can comfort him.”

“Okay.”

“And send Travis to my office. He will stay there till I’ve talked to Shane.”

“Of course.”

Troy barely has time to move out of the way when Ilya comes rushing through the door like a fucking Tasmanian Devil. He throws his phone onto the bed, where it bounces off then lands on the floor with a thump. Ilya doesn’t even notice. Troy picks up the phone and ends the call between them that neither man had ended yet. He then puts his own phone in his pocket and keeps Ilya’s in his hand, watching from afar as Ilya crouches down in front of Hollander.

“Shane.” His voice is so soft and concerned that Troy barely even recognizes it. He reaches out to take Shane’s hand.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea…” Troy says low, but Ilya ignores him and interlocks his fingers with Shane’s. Shane flinches at first, then his eyes seem to focus on Ilya and the glaze Troy noticed earlier disappears. Almost as if that single touch from Ilya fixed something in him.

“Ilya?” Shane’s voice cracks and then he flings himself towards Ilya, and Ilya wraps his arms around Shane’s body, holding him tight as he caresses his back and whispers soft comforting words.

Troy finds himself watching with the phone clutched to his chest and holding his breath. He has never seen love on such full display before. It’s breathtaking. And devastating, considering that these two idiots probably have no fucking clue, and won’t even believe Troy if he tells them.

“You are shivering.” Ilya says and reaches for the blanket Shane had wrapped around him before throwing himself into Ilya’s arms, but he can’t reach it, so instead he guides Shane to the bed. “You need to get warm, okay?”

“Okay.” Shane nods and lets Ilya tug him under the cover.

“I am going to talk to Troy for a second, then I will be back.”

“I’m sorry.” Shane grabs Ilya’s wrist before Ilya can move away.

“For what?” Ilya smiles at him. “You have nothing to be sorry about.”

“I do… I…”

“shhh…” Ilya kisses Shane’s forehead. “For now, just rest. We will talk in a moment.”

“Okay.” Reluctantly, Shane lets go of Ilya’s wrist.

Ilya walks over to Troy, the soft expression completely gone and replaced with a murderous one.

“Follow me, Barrett.” He says as he walks past him into the bathroom. Troy takes a deep breath, preparing himself for impact, then follows.

Once inside, he sees Ilya clutching the sink, staring into the mirror. Starring at Troy through the mirror.

“I’m sorry.” Troy quickly says. “He came in. wanting to find someone to hook up with.” Ilya flinches slightly by Troy’s words but quickly collects himself again. “And I promise, I tried to guide him towards guys I know respect you. I thought that would keep him busy until you would turn up.” Troy is speaking fast, hoping the get to say everything before Ilya tries to murder him. “I figured that once you would come in, he would forget everything about hooking up with someone else. I just forgot that you had the day off.”

“How did he end up with someone I don’t know, then?” Ilya’s voice is drained of emotions. It scares Troy a bit.

“I don’t know. I got distracted.”

“Harris.”

“Yes. I’m so fucking sorry, Roz. I should have paid better attention but…”

“no. Is okay. You can’t exactly tell a client he can’t fuck other clients.”

“I can’t.” Troy agrees. “And I knew Ashton would never sleep with him without clearing it with you first, so I thought I had everything under control when I send him in that direction.”

Ilya nods. “I know.” He sighs deeply. “Do we know what happened? What made Shane freak out?”

“Not Shane’s version.”

“Okay.” Ilya reaches into the shower and turns the water on. “I will make him take hot shower. Get warm. Then I will speak to him.”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea.” Troy says cautiously. “We don’t know what happened yet and if there were any kind of assault…” Troy let the suggestion hang in the air for a moment. Ilya’s face turns completely pale, then he turns off the water.

“It would remove evidence.”  He finally says.

“Yes.”

Troy can see all the emotions wash over Ilya’s face. Fear, anger, hate, sadness, concern. All of it before he eventually gathers himself.

“Okay. You go talk to him in the office. Get detailed description. Everything. I will talk to Shane and then we will compare. Is anything out of order, I will fucking kill that Travis guy.”

“Or we will turn it over to the cops.” Troy suggests instead.

“After.” Ilya hisses.

“After you kill him? I don’t think that’s a good idea.” Troy attempts to joke but when Ilya glares at him he raises his palms and backs away. “I will go talk to him now.”

“Yes.”

Troy turns around to leave, then remembers he has Ilya’s phone, so he quickly hands it to him, then leaves.

*****

“Shane?” Ilya whispers low when Troy has left the room. He is standing right next to Shane that’s lying in the bed. “Are you asleep?”

“No.” He says, his eyes still closed. “Just embarrassed.”

“Why?” Ilya sits down on the edge of the bed. It’s tempting to slip under the covers so he can hold Shane close, but since he isn’t sure what has happened here, he won’t do anything that might make Shane uncomfortable.

“Because I caused a fucking scene.”

“Fuck that.” Ilya scoffs. “Tell me.” He says gently. “What happened?” Ilya really needs to know. The not knowing is killing him.

“I don’t know.” Shane says. “Not really.” He takes a deep breath, “I mean I remember trying hard to…” He stops talking his eyes darting away from Ilya. Like he is ashamed.

“You can tell me.” Ilya says quietly. Calmly. He will control his emotions. His jealousy. It’s not what Shane needs right now. He needs compassion. And Ilya will show him compassion.

Slowly, Shane looks back up at Ilya, his eyes glistening.

“I was trying not to compare him to you. But it was so hard. Because I just… I just really wanted it to be you and not…” He waves his hand in the air dismissively and Ilya has to fight a smile. Shane doesn’t know the guy’s name. He hadn’t cared enough to learn it or remember it. “But I needed it to not be you.” He looks away again. “And I guess, I just whipped myself into a frenzy or something. Made myself panic when I couldn’t stop think about you.”

“Why did you need it to not be me?” Ilya is keeping his face neutral, but his heart is breaking. He has always known this is going to become the outcome one day. Just like Svetlana predicted. He just hasn’t expected it to happen already. Of course, Shane doesn’t want Ilya to be the only guy he hooks up with. Of course, he needs to explore his sexuality further than Ilya. It would be foolish of Ilya to think otherwise.

“Because I’m afraid that I’m starting to catch feelings. Because I’ve only ever been with you. Except for the women of course… and I’m starting to feel attached, which is bad.”

Ilya’s heart clenches.

“Right. Bad.” Ilya is struggling to remain calm and collected. He wants to grab Shane and shake him. Scream at him. Make him understand how much Ilya wants Shane to catch feeling because Ilya already has. He almost wants to suggest that they could just be together for real. But he doesn’t. Of course he doesn’t.

“Yes.” Shane says. “This entire thing with men… it’s not supposed to become anything other than just a bit of experimenting. And…”

“And you can’t experiment with me.”

“No. not exclusively. Not without…. complications”

Ilya does his best to hide how much that hurts, so he keeps his face very neutral.

“That is fair.” Ilya says, shoving his own feelings down. “Afterall, this is club of willing men. You should experiment as much as you like.”

“Yeah.” Shane nods, but he doesn’t seem enthusiastic about experimenting at all. Ilya decides to change the subject because his heart can’t take much more.

“Before you can go experiment,” Ilya says, trying not to sounds jealous (and failing slightly) “you should get something to eat. Something to drink. Regain strength and energy. Maybe take hot shower.”

“That actually sounds really great.” Shane smiles at Ilya.

“Good.” Ilya gets up and makes his way towards the shower. “You take shower, and I will find something for you to eat. And also tell Troy to let Travis go.” He pauses and turns to look at Shane. “You are sure he didn’t…” Ilya doesn’t want to say the words out loud, so he is hoping Shane gets the insinuation, but Shane is scrunching his face up in confusion and tilting his head slightly. It looks fucking adorable.

“Didn’t what?” He asks.

“Assault you.” Ilya finishes quietly. His heart beats a million miles a minute. He is terrified of Shane’s answer. Because he knows that if Travis has actually hurt Shanet, he will march right down to his office and strangle Travis. Then probably just turn himself in afterwards, because he is a decent man after all.

“What?” Shane looks genuinely shocked. “Of course not. I told you he didn’t do anything wrong. I just panicked and freaked the poor guy out.”

“Okay.” Ilya releases a shaky breath. “Good. just needed confirmation.”

“Christ, Ilya. I would have told you if he had done something like that.”

“A lot of men do not want to admit being assaulted. They feel like they aren’t masculine anymore if they admit it. Or something like that.”

“I’m not like that.” Shane says. “I might be a fucking jock, but I’m not that type of jock.”

Ilya smiles at Shane. “I know.” He almost wants to add: You are special. Perfect.

When Ilya comes back with a sandwich and some water, Shane is done with the shower, sitting on the bed with wet hair. Looking cute as hell.

“I have food.” Ilya says and raises the plate with the sandwich in the air.

“That looks amazing. Did you make that?” Shane asks.

“Yes of course.”

“Wow.” Shane takes the plate happily when Ilya hands it to him. “I didn’t know you could cook.” He says with a playful smirk.

“Is barely coking.” Ilya responds. “Just meat on bread. Not that difficult.” He then slides into bed, sitting next to Shane.

Shane chuckles, then takes a bite.

“Mmm…” He sighs happily and starts chewing. His eyes closed. “This is really good. definitely not just meat on bread.”

“You are just hungry.” Ilya grins. “Anything would taste like heaven then.”

“Don’t sell yourself short. You should totally make sandwiches to sell here. Turn this into a small diner too.” He teases.

“We don’t have kitchen space for that.”

“but…” Shane looks confused. “How did you make this then?”

“in my apartment.”

“Your apartment? You went all the way home to make this?”

“Is not far. I own building. I live on the top floor.”

“Oh… wow. I didn’t know that you own the entire building”

Ilya shrugs. “Is no big deal.”

“Right. No big deal.” Shane shakes his head at Ilya then goes back to eating.

Ilya just watches Shane eat for a moment, enjoying the way Shane seems to love the sandwich. It shouldn’t mean that much to Ilya, it’s just a fucking sandwich, but it does. More than he likes to admit.

Then his phone rings. Claiming Ilya’s attention.

“I’m sorry.” Ilya says, his eyes glued to the phone when he sees the number. “I have to take this.”

“Sure.” Shane says and Ilya gets off the bed. With a deep calming breath Ilya answers the phone. He really hopes it isn’t bad news. He can’t handle anymore bad news.

“Mr. Rozanov.” The familiar voice says. “You mother asked me to call you. She has been very anxious about you ever since you rushed out the door. Do you have a moment to speak to her?”

“Yes.” He says, then he hears the nurse talk to his mother, then hands her the phone.

“Ilya…” His mother’s voice sounds more lucid than it has in a long time. “Is she okay? Your girlfriend.” She says in Russian.

“It is not my girlfriend.” Ilya says in Russian too. “It is a man.”

Irina starts scolding him. “I do not care if it is man or women. This person who is important to you, are they okay?”

“Da, mama.” Ilya smiles. “He is okay.”

“Good. You should know better than to be caught up in gender when your mother asks about a wellbeing. I don’t care if it’s a girlfriend or boyfriend Ilya. I thought you knew that.”

Ilya’s heart flips inside his chest.

“I know now, mama.” He says, deliberately not correcting her assumption. If thinking Ilya has a boyfriend makes her more lucid and engaging, then he will happily pretend to have a boyfriend.

“Tell me this boyfriends name.”

“His name is Shane.”

*****

Shane watches as Ilya’s facial expression becomes exceptionally soft. His eyes even glistening slightly, then he shifts into his native tongue and Shane has no idea what he is saying, but he does hear his name being mentioned. When Ilya eventually hangs up, he clears his throat before climbing back into bed with Shane.

“What was that about? I heard my name.”

“Oh…” Ilya looks like he is debating something for a moment. “It was my mother. She is… not well.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Is okay. She has been not well for many years.”

“Is it like… cancer?”

“No. Her brain is damaged.”

“Oh my god, Ilya. That’s horrible.”

“She tried to take her life when I was twelve. We had just moved to America. My father wanted to move. My mother did not. She had no one here. She didn’t speak the language. She was already depressed before but it became worse after moving. Because of the isolation, I think. She took a lot of pills. Tried to end her misery. I found her.” Ilya’s voice cracks and he takes a deep breath. Shane doesn’t push him to continue, only caresses his arm to let him know he is there. “I called an ambulance. They managed to bring her back, but the lack of oxygen… The drugs in her system.” He shakes his head. “She has never become herself again. Her memory is broken. Some days she does not remember anything. Not even words. Other days she is better. She requires full time care, that I can not give her myself. I have tried at first. But, I am not qualified. So, I found a home for her. It is good place.” He looks at Shane. “That was where I was. At the home that takes care of her. She tried another suicide last night. She does it often. The nurses called me and I went there. She apologized. She always apologizes when she sees me. When I’m not there, she forgets I exist. Forgets that she has people who love her. And that’s when she wants to not live.”

“But… she called you now?”

“Yes.” He smiles, his eyes glistening. “She remembered me. For first time since I was 12. She remembered me because of you.”

“Me?”

“Yes. I think so.” Ilya nods. “When Troy called and told me you needed me, I was with my mother. I told her I had to go. That someone needed me.” He brushes a finger gently down Shane’s face, making his heart swell. Shane closes his eyes and leans into the touch. God… he fucking miss being touched by him. “The nurse told me my mother hadn’t stopped worrying, so she had to call. My mother wanted to know if you were okay. And then asked for your name.”

“Wow. That’s... wow.”

“Yes. It is good. I think.”

Shane can’t stop smiling at Ilya. He can tell that this thing with his mother isn’t something he usually shares with people, and Shane is extremely honored to not only be someone Ilya wants to share this with, but also to be a reason for his mother to make a little bit of progress. He isn’t entirely sure why the mentioning of him needing Ilya would make her remember Ilya for longer than usual, but he loves it nonetheless. At least his insanely embarrassing freakout has been good for something.

“That’s great.” Shane can’t help himself and nuzzles up against Ilya a bit. Hoping he won’t mind it. But Ilya moves away.

“I do not think that is good idea.” He says, and Shane instantly feels awkward and embarrassed.

“I’m sorry.” He averts his eyes. He can’t look at Ilya right now. It’s so humiliating.

“You do not need to apologize.” Ilya says. Then puts two fingers under Shane’s chin and turns his face towards him. “But you said you need someone other than me, yes?”

Shane hates this. He doesn’t want someone else. Not really. Not anymore. Probably never really did. But he can’t deny he said it. Especially because Ilya’s eyes are so firmly locked onto him. Demanding an answer.

“I did say that, yes.” Shane says eventually. But what he really wants to say is that it was a mistake. That he didn’t mean it. That he only wants Ilya. But that wouldn’t be fair. Shane will never be someone who is open about his sexuality, so if he would ever be lucky enough to convince Ilya to be with him – and only him – then it would force Ilya to join Shane in his hiding. And he can’t do that to Ilya. He would never do that to him.

“So, you should find someone else.”

“I already tried that.” Shane says, trying to ignore the way his body aches for Ilya. “Didn’t really go as planned.”

“You should try again. With someone you trust.”

“I trust you…” Shane mutters low.

“Shane…” Ilya sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose. For a second Ilya looks truly tormented.

“Maybe…” Shane puts a hand on Ilya’s arm, making Ilya look at him. “You could be there too? The next time I try it?” Shane asks desperately. He isn’t ready to let go of Ilya. So maybe if he does it in small steps instead.

“Like what? Threesome?”

“Yeah.” Shane nods. “Maybe like that first time in the VIP room? With you being in charge.”

“You want that?”

“Yes.” Shane says honestly. “I like it when you decide for me. When you control the situation. It helps me get out of my head, and I think that today makes it pretty obvious that I need help to get out of my head.”

“Okay.” Ilya nods. His voice seems a bit strained but Shane tries to not read too much into it. He knows he might be asking too much of Ilya right now, but he can’t help it. He really needs Ilya to be there, so he has decided to be a bit selfish with this. “Do you remember Ashton? The man Troy told you to talk to?”

“Yeah. I remember him.” Shane says.

The one who thinks I’ve turned you into a lapdog.

He almost wants to say it. To see Ilya’s reaction to it. Because Shane knows it’s a ridicules statement, but he would love to know what Ilya would think of it. But in the end, he chickens out and doesn’t say anything.

“Ashton is good guy. I am sure he would be interested in something like what you suggested.”

“Cool…” Shane nods, trying not to show how much he is already freaking out about the idea – his idea - of bringing someone else into this. “Is he someone you have been with before?”

“In a way.” Ilya says but doesn’t elaborate.

“In what way?” Shane asks when he grows impatient. And unreasonably jealous.

“We have shared a third once or twice.”

“Oh.” In a way that makes Shane feel a bit better. This means that Ilya and Ashton will both be familiar with it and things will probably be less awkward. And at least they’ve never fucked each other. Which helps Shane’s jealousy too. “Okay then. Let’s go with Ashton.”

“I will text him.” Ilya says and grabs his phone.

“wait… now?” Shane’s heart starts racing. “You want to do this now?”

Ilya looks confused. “I thought that is what you want. You brought Travis up here for sex, yes?”

“Yeah.” Shane can definitely follow Ilya’s logic, but he is freaking out. He isn’t sure he is mentally prepared to have sex with a stranger. Have sex with Ilya, sure. He’s always ready for that. But… he needs time to get used to the idea of bringing in a third. “I’m not sure I’m ready to try sex with a stranger again today. I think it might be too much. If that is okay?”

“Of course.” Ilya puts his phone away. “Is always okay to say no.” Ilya is looking at Shane with concerned eyes. A look that clearly indicates he is still unsure if Shane has told him the truth about Travis, and it is killing Shane. He hates that he has made him worry this much. So, without even realizing what he is doing, Shane leans in and kisses Ilya. Slow and gentle.

Ilya seems hesitant at first, which makes Shane realizes he might have really fucked up, but then Ilya pulls Shane closer and deepens the kiss.

“Maybe just you and me tonight?” Shane whispers against Ilya’s lips. “One last time.”

Shane can hear Ilya swallow thickly then nod.

“Okay. One last time.” Ilya pulls Shane into his lap and kisses him again. More urgent. Greedy. And so fucking hot. It’s exactly that type of kiss Shane is addicted too when it comes to Ilya. It makes him feel like he is the only one Ilya wants. And it is such a huge fucking turn on.

Ilya flips them around so Shane in on his back on the bed, Ilya hovering above him.

“Please…” Shane begs. He has never been more desperate to be touched than right now.

“Relax.” Ilya says. “I will make you feel good.” Then he kisses his way down Shane’s body.  Slow and deliberate. Covering every inch of Shane’s skin with small gentle kisses. Once he reaches Shane’s dick, he takes him into his mouth, making Shane arch of the bed.

“Fuck…” He gasps. “Yes. Just like that…” He pants. Fuck. This is exactly what he needs. Ilya sucks him deep into his throat then swallows around him. Making Shane cry out loud. Slowly, he pulls off of Shane again. He licks just beneath the head of Shane’s cock, teasing out beads of precum that he greedily licks off before taking Shane into his mouth again. He sucks him slow, like he is savoring the taste of him. The feel of Shane’s cock against his tongue. All of it. And it is driving Shane insane. “Oh my god, Ilya...” Shane whimpers when Ilya starts going faster. Sucking harder. And Shane cries and gasps and writhes on the bed. Letting Ilya take him apart completely.

Shane grabs a fistful of Ilya’s hair as his orgasm shoots through him – not fully intending too, but simply wanting to feel Ilya in his hand.

“That was fast.” Ilya teases with a smirk.

“Fuck you.” Shane pants then laughs happily. Fuck, he feels so good right now. “sorry for pulling your hair, by the way. I didn’t mean to.”

“Is okay.” Ilya climbs up Shane’s body when he untangles his fingers, then hovers right above him, their lips almost touching. “I liked it.” He mumbles then crashes their mouths together. Shane wraps his legs around Ilya’s body, not wanting to ever let go. But he knows he has too. It wouldn’t be fair to either of them.

*****

It has been over a week since Shane has been there and for the first time since Shane joined the club, Ilya isn’t looking forward to him returning. He knows that next time Shane visits the club, Ilya will have to watch someone else fuck him. And he is very conflicted about it. It will be hot, no doubt about it. And Ilya loves being in charge like Shane wants him to be. But he isn’t sure he wants to see someone else pleasuring Shane. Not fully, anyway. A blowjob, sure. No problem. But sex? Penetrating sex. God, Ilya will hate it. And he will hate Ashton for doing it. Which isn’t fair at all.

Ilya sighs heavily and pushes the documents away. He hasn’t really been able to concentrate on all this boring administrative work for days. Weeks even. Except for that time where Shane was sleeping on his couch.

Fuck. He needs to stop thinking about Shane.

For a second, Ilya almost believes he hears Shane’s voice, but before he can check to see if he is actually there, his phone rings. It’s the nurse again. She has been calling a lot this past week with updates. Bad updates, unfortunately.

“Mr. Rozanov.” She says when Ilya answers the phone. “I’m sorry. She still isn’t eating.”

“How long has it been since she last had anything?”

“Three days. And that was just a few bites.”

“Has she been drinking?”

“A bit.” The nurse sounds very concerned. “Not enough.”

“Do you think she is sick?”

“No. I think she is trying to take her life again. Just in a different way this time.”

Ilya screws his eyes shot. He has been thinking the same. She hasn’t even been all that responsive to his visit this week. Like either she doesn’t recognize him, or she doesn’t want to recognize him. Ilya isn’t sure. But something is definitely off.

“Okay. I will be there soon. Thank you for your call.”

“I hope seeing you and talking to you will help this time.”

“Me too.” Ilya sighs and ends the call.

“Ilya?” Shane is standing in the doorway. Looking very concerned. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to eavesdrop, but is your mother okay?”

“No.” Ilya says, his voice cracking slightly. He has always been afraid of losing her. Ever since found her lifeless body so many years ago. “She won’t eat. I have to go down there and try to convince her to eat.”

“Do you want company? You said she usually doesn’t remember you after leaving but called when you had told her about me? Maybe seeing you with a friend will help this time too.”

Shane might be right. Ilya knows it. Although, that means admitting his mother thinks they are a couple, and he isn’t sure how Shane will react to that. But what other choice does he have?

“I am not sure you want to in a moment.” Ilya says and Shane looks at him with that scrunched up confused face, that Ilya adores.

“Why not?”

Ilya takes a deep breath, then admits it.

“She thinks you are my boyfriend.”

“Oh.” Shane looks startled and Ilya quickly explains.

“Well, she actually thought you were a girlfriend so I corrected her by saying you were a man, thinking she would assume we were just friends then, but she didn’t. She called you my boyfriend, and no one else in my family has ever been that calm about me potentially seeing men, so I just didn’t want to correct her.”

“That makes sense.” Shane nods. “And its fine. I can be your boyfriend for the day. If it will help her eat again.”

Chapter 6

Chapter Notes

Hey guys.
First off, in this chapter, ilya and Irina speaks Russian with each other. I’ve marked the Russian parts with italic lettering. I figured it didn’t make sense for me to try and find the right Russian wording and butcher an entire language just for this chapter, so you guys will just have to imagine them speaking Russian :P
I hope you will enjoy this chapter, and I just want to say one more time how much I appreciate all of you. I just checked my stats for this story, and I am genuinely shocked. It has almost 400 subscribers. I have never had a story with that many people following it. It’s insane. So thank you so so much. I’m truly humbled.
I am thoroughly enjoying the comments you guys leave me on the fic, or on my posts on TikTok, Facebook or twitter. I love it so much.
Anyway, I will stop rambling now and let you start reading.

Love, Ayana

“You can still back out if you want.” Ilya says, as they pull into the parking lot.

“Why would I back out?” Shane sounds genuinely surprised. “It’s really not a big deal. I’m just gonna go in there with you, pretend to be the boyfriend she thinks you have, and hopefully it will have a positive effect.”

“Still.” Ilya says, turning the car off, then stepping out. Shane steps out too. “It means a lot to me.” He is looking at Shane over the roof of the car and Shane is smiling at him but doesn’t say anything. They enter the building in silence. “I have to go talk to the nurses before going to her room.”

“Of course.” Shane nods. “I can wait here. Give you some privacy.”

“Is okay.” Ilya says and gestures for Shane to come with him. In honesty, Ilya prefers Shane to go with him. He likes having someone with him for the first time. Not even his brother has ever visited their mom with Ilya. They walk over to the nurses’ station, and Ilya approaches the nurse who had called him.

“Mr. Rozanov.” She says. “I’m glad you could come.” She glances at Shane for a second but doesn’t say anything. “We have tried to give her fluids through IV, but she keeps pulling it out. If we can’t get her to either drink or accept the IV, we will have to restrain her so she can’t pull out the IV. And I would rather not have to do that.”

“I understand. We will do our best to get her to drink. And eat something.”

“As long as you can get her to drink something, I’ll be happy. It’s more important than food. But of course, it will be great if she will do both.”

Ilya leads Shane to his mother’s room. One of the reasons Ilya chose this exact facility for his mother, is because of the living arrangements they provide for the patients. They each have their own tiny apartment consisting of a small bathroom, a single bedroom with only room for her bed and a dresser, and a combined kitchen and living room, where Irina is currently sitting in her chair. Looking dangerously weak.

“Mama.” Ilya walks straight over to her, bends down and kisses her cheek. For a moment he can see the confusion in her eyes. “It’s me. Your son. Ilya.” He says in Russian and slowly she starts recognizing him.

“Ilya!” She exclaims happily and pulls him down to kiss his forehead. Or, she isn’t exactly pulling, since she clearly doesn’t have the strength for it, but Ilya gracefully leans down to accept her kiss. Then she seems to notice Shane who is hovering in the doorway. Looking slightly awkward. “Who is with you?” She asks and Ilya gestures for Shane to come closer.

“This is Shane.” He doesn’t elaborate. He wants to see if she remembers.

“Hi.” Shane says, an adorable little pink blush on his cheeks. “It’s nice to meet you.”

“It might take a moment for her to translate your words.” Ilya says when Irina doesn’t respond right away. “She does know English. Or she used to. A little anyway. I taught her during her good days. But she tends to forget it. Which can also be my fault, I think. I don’t practice it enough with her. I only speak Russian when I’m here, and her nurse knows Russian too. So, she doesn’t hear a lot of English. And she never speaks it. I’m not even sure she knows how anymore.”

“You are talking to fast, Ilya.” Irina complains and Ilya crouches down in front of her, taking her fragile hands in his.

“I’m sorry, Mama. I was just letting Shane know that you might not be able to understand him.”

“I will understand him.” She says, determined. “If he speaks slowly.”

Ilya smiles and nods. “I’ll tell him.”

“Yes.” She says then something shifts in her gaze. Like a memory is coming back. Ilya recognizes the signs. He has seen it happen before. “Oh.” She gasps and puts her hand over her mouth. “It is him. Your boyfriend?”

“Yes, Mama.” Ilya gets hit with a wave of emotions. She remembers!

Irina’s eyes instantly start glistening with tears, reaching out for Shane. He moves closer, letting her take his hand.

“You brough him to meet me.” She mutters low. Her voice trembling slightly. “He is beautiful.”

Ilya chuckles and nods.

“What’s happening?” Shane asks, still letting Irina hold his hand while gazing up at him.

“She asked if you were my boyfriend.”

“She remembered?” Shane sounds immensely happy and it makes Ilya’s heart flutter.

“She did.” Ilya can tell Irina is following their conversation closely. Trying to translate every word. “She also called you beautiful.”

Shane instantly blushes and ducks his head.

“Yes!” Irina says loudly and squeezes Shane’s hand. “Beautiful.” She repeats and Ilya can’t stop himself from grinning like an idiot. His mother understood and were able to repeat the correct English word she wanted to use. It has been years since he last saw her be able to do that. Bringing Shane has definitely been the right choice.

“Thank you.” Shane is smiling at Ilya’s mother in a way that makes Ilya very emotional. And as his vision starts getting a bit blurred, he turns around, pretending to be looking for something in the kitchen area.

“I am thirsty.” Ilya opens the fridge. “Do you have anything to drink?” Much to Ilya’s horror, he suddenly hears his mother groan painfully behind him, so he turns quickly only to see Shane quickly catching Irina when she tries to get up, then holding her close to his body. steadying her. Her legs are trembling. “What happened?” He asks rushing over to them.

“She tried to get up, but her legs gave in under her.” Shane is guiding her back down to her chair.

“Mama.” Ilya sighs. “You need to be more careful.” He deliberately doesn’t mention that he knows she is weak from dehydration and starvation. Ilya knows how stubborn she is and that if he mentions anything, she will dig her heals in. Which means there will be no chance of getting her to eat or drink something. No, he has to be clever about this.

“I am sorry, my love.” She says, her voice strained. “My body isn’t what is used to be.”

“What’s happening?” Shane asks. “Is she okay?”

“She is okay.”

“but what were you talking about?”

“Nothing.” Ilya waves a hand dismissively. He can’t explain his decision to pretend not to know about her condition without risking her understanding, so instead he just sends Shane a look. Hoping he gets it. And clearly he does, because Shane sends Ilya a small nod. Then Ilya addresses his mother again. “Why were you getting up? What do you need?”

“I wanted to find something to drink for you.” She sighs. “I am still your mother, Ilya. I am supposed to take care of you.” She looks at Shane then back to Ilya. “You and your boyfriend.”

“Don’t worry, Mama. I can find it for us.”

Ilya hates to admit it, but his heart is breaking for his mother. She clearly wants to be there for him and Shane. To take care of them. Be a good host or something, but she isn’t physically able too. Ilya can’t imagine how hard that must be.

As Shane sits down next to Irina, still holding her hand, Ilya goes back to the fridge to find something for them to drink. There isn’t much, but he finds the jug of water with cordial that he knows the nurses usually serves his mother, so he brings it to the table along with three glasses.

Irina rolls her eyes as he pours the liquid then hands her a glass.

“I hate this.” She says. “They add that flavor thing to my water. Thinking it will make everything better. It won’t.”

Ilya sighs heavily and Shane tilts his head.

“What?”

“She is complaining about the water.” He says.

“Why?” Shane says then takes his glass when ilya hands it to him, and sips the liquid. “I love this stuff.”

Ilya is grateful. He can tell Shane is trying to make it seem like he loves it, so Irina might give it a chance too.

“I would rather have vodka.” Irina says and Shane chuckles.

“You understood?” Ilya says, slightly surprised. “You speak Russian now?”

“No, of course not. I understood the word vodka. And I know you. I’m pretty sure I can guess what she is saying.”

“He is smart.” Irina says, sounding more and more like herself. Like the mother Ilya remembers. “I like him.”

“Yes. He is.” Ilya responds, letting himself look at Shane exactly the way he has wanted to ever since meeting him. With pure adoration. Afterall, he can always play it off as acting the part for his mother. How will Shane ever figure out the truth? It is completely safe for Ilya.

“Now what?” Shane asks, his eyes sparkling with something. Amusement? Delight? It almost looks like love, but that can’t be. Unless he is playing into the relationship lie, exactly as Ilya is trying to pretend to be doing. That is definitely an option. “Why are you both looking at me?”

“She says you are smart and that she likes you.”

“That’s sweet.” Shane turns to smile at her. “I like you too. You remind me a lot of your son already.” He is speaking slowly. Pronouncing the words clearly. Then he glances over at Ilya again. “Maybe you should tell her I’m a jock.” He chuckles. “That would probably make her reconsider her smart comment.”

“No, it wouldn’t.” Ilya says truthfully. “My mother has always loved hockey. It will just make her adore you more.”

“Hockey?” Irina repeats questioning. Their conversation must have been a bit too fast for her to follow, but she did hear that word, of course.

Shane grins up at Ilya. “Might as well tell her now.”

“You are just trying to become her favorite son, aren’t you?” Ilya teases, then switches to Russian and tells his mother that Shane plays in the NHL. She gasps loudly when he tells her which team.

“Player 24.” She says and Ilya’s heart stops. “Shane Hollander.” She now has tears fully streaming down her face. “My son is dating one of the best hocky players in the world?” She looks at Ilya with so much love that Ilya can’t even swallow. The emotions building up inside him are nearly too much. “He is your destiny, Ilya. I know it. You used to love the game so much. I don’t even know why you ever quit, but finding him… it is your destiny. You were supposed to meet all along.”

“Mama.” Ilya says, trying to stay calm and collected. He doesn’t want to remind her of the reason he quit. That her suicide attempt was the catalyst for him never being able to fully commit to hockey. There is no reason to dwell on that So he ignores that part and addresses the other part. The part about Shane being his destiny. Ilya isn’t sure he likes that she thinks that. He fears it will break her heart completely when then eventually have to ‘break up’. “I do not believe in destiny. You know that.”

“Then you are a fool.” She says sternly. “And I haven’t raised a fool.” Her voice slightly scolding as she waves a lecturing finger at Ilya.

Apparently, Shane can sense the shift in Irina’s mood and creates a welcome distraction.

“How about a toast?” Shane asks, lifting his glass. “To Ilya.” Luckily it doesn’t take much for Irina to shift moods. So, she quickly shifts back to beaming proudly at her son. Their small discussion completely forgotten. “The man I love.” Shane says, and Ilya’s heart feels like it might burst at any minute. Shane is really good at pretending to be his boyfriend. Probably too good.

Irina picks up her glass, clinks it against Shane’s then looks at Ilya. “To my beautiful son.” she says in Russian, then takes a very small sip. Ilya can’t stop smiling. Even if it’s just a sip, it’s at least something. He quickly brings the glass to his lips to hide the waves of emotions that are hitting him.

“This is really good.” Shane says and drinks some more. After a moment, Irina does the same and Ilya wants to kiss him.

So that is exactly what he does.

*****

Shane is stunned. Ilya just kissed him! Right on the mouth in front of his mother. Shane kissed Ilya back, of course. After all, they are pretending to be a couple for his mothers sake, but he never expected Ilya to kiss him here.

His heart is beating fast. A mix of sensation and nerves. He discreetly glances over at Irina even as Ilya still has his hands on Shane’s face, frightened to see disgust on her face, but she is looking at them with so much happiness that Shane instantly feels bad for even thinking she could be disgusted by them kissing.

“You taste like lemon.” Ilya says, then kisses Shane again, and for a moment Shane completely forgets all about Irina. This kiss is the softest and most loving kiss Shane has ever received. In his entire life. He hasn’t even experienced a kiss like this with previous girlfriends, and suddenly he is very happy that he is sitting down. Otherwise, he will be the one who needs someone to catch him when his legs give in.

When they leave the facility, Shane is still overwhelmed with all the love he felt in that room. From Ilya and from Irina. He knows that the love he felt from Ilya is just pretend, but from Irina… That is real. And it is almost breaking his heart knowing that they are actually deceiving her.

“Are we doing the right thing?” Shane asks as they get in the car. “Or are we just making things worse for her in the long run?”

“I don’t know.” Ilya exhales, sounding exhausted. “I thought we were, but…” He sighs then runs a hand through his hair, messing up his curls. “I hadn’t expected her to become so…” he waves a hand in the air, clearly searching for the word.

Happy? Attached?  Shane doesn’t want to try and suggest a word, in case he is misinterpreting Ilya.

“I can’t remember word.” He mutters low. “When you get happy about someone?”

“Fond?”

“Yes.” Ilya nods. “Fond. She has become fond of you. Very fond. I had expected her to like you, but maybe not that much.”

“I think its less about me and more about you and me. Together.”

“Yes. Maybe. Probably.” He exhales sharply then drops his forehead onto the stearin wheel with a groan of despair. “I am going to break her heart. This was stupid decision.”

“Listen,” Shane puts a hand on Ilya’s shoulder, squeezing it lightly. “I’m fine with pretending to be your boyfriend. I don’t mind. We can keep it up for a while. It’s not a problem.”

“It is problem. You wanted to move on to other people, yes? So how would this work? You pretend to like me on days I bring you here and then ignore me the rest of the time?”

Shane flinches and pulls his hand away. Ilya almost sounds angry. Shane hadn’t expected that.

“I wouldn’t do that. I’m not gonna ignore you.” Shane sighs. I will never ignore you. He doesn’t say the words, even though he wants to. He can’t. Instead, he says something else. “We can still be… friends, or whatever. I’m not an asshole.”

“I know you are not an asshole.” Ilya is still sounding frustrated, and Shane cant stop himself from getting agitated.

 “Are you saying, that you can only keep up this pretend relationship for your mother if we are fucking?” Shane doesn’t even try to hide his annoyed tone.

“No.” Ilya’s tone quickly shifts. “I’m sorry. I should not have said that. Of course I do not think that. I am just frustrated. Scared, maybe. About my mother finding out. And when you start hooking up with other men, you might find someone you want to date for real. And then where does that leave me? Then I will have to tell my mother the truth.”

“I’m not gonna start dating any man at all. I already told you that this thing with men, will never be something real.” Shane crosses his arms across his chest, feeling a need to close himself off a bit. Protect himself. Or maybe it’s more to keep himself together. Physically hold his emotions inside him. Not let Ilya see what is really going on.

“Even so, I can’t expect you to pretend to be my boyfriend forever.” Ilya looks genuinely concerned and Shane realizes that this isn’t about him. It’s not even about Ilya. It’s about Irina, and Shane needs to help Ilya figure this out.

“How about that we, for now at least, just continues pretending to be a couple, and then at some point, we will slowly drift apart. Let the relationship fade away. See if it affects your mother, because maybe she won’t even care.”

“She will care.” Ilya says. “She thinks you are my destiny.”

“What?”

“Yes. She said so.”

“Why?”

“Because you are NHL star. She knows I wanted to go down that path too. But it didn’t go that way for me. And she thinks that we were supposed to meet if I had become a hockey player and when I didn’t, destiny brought you to me anyway.”

“Oh, wow.” Shane is stunned. He has no idea what to say. Ilya might be right about Irina continuing to care about their relationship. “Okay… then what? What do we do?”

“See if she forgets about you again, maybe. And if she does, I will pretend I never brought you here.”

“Right.” Something tightens in Shane’s chest. He actually hates the idea of Irina forgetting him. Which is ridicules. He knows that.

“It just might be best.”

“But she made progress today, right? She remembered things. A lot of things. And we got her to drink something. You even convinced her to let the nurses put in the IV again before we left.”

“I know.” Ilyas sighs. “But I don’t know what else to do.”

“I’ve got an idea.” Shane says. “If she is going to forget about me, it can happen at any time, right?”

“Yes.”

“So, we keep pretending a little longer. Heping your mother gain strength by going to visit her. Have dinner with her. Stuff like that and if we get to the point where we can’t keep pretending, then we go with your plan of just letting her forget I exist. By then she will at least be stronger.”

“Okay.” Ilya nods, but he doesn’t seem completely convinced. “We can try that.” He turns on the car. The conversation is obviously over. “Do you want me to bring you to the club? You came there for something, yes? Before you got tangled up in my messy personal life.”

“Yeah.” Shane says. “I came to see you. I have tomorrow off. I wanted to see if you wanted to…” Shane stops himself. He can’t ask Ilya to fuck him. Not after pretending to be boyfriends. Or the conversation about Shane wanting to hook up with other men. Something he still isn’t really sure he wants but can’t really back out of without making things weird.

“Oh.” Ilya says. “The threesome with Ashton.” His jaw clenches slightly as he drives past a slow car on the freeway. “I can call him. I think he will be up for it.”

“Right. Sure. Sounds great.” Shane ignores the pit in his stomach. There’s no backing down now.

“How do you want to do this?” Ashtons asks.

He said yes to the threesome. Of course. Now Shane is in Ilya’s office sitting across from Ilya with Ashton standing at the end of the desk.

“I don’t now.” Shane mumbles low, looking at his hands in his lap. If he is being honest he still isn’t sure if he actually wants to do it at all.

“We will be following your rules, Hollander.” Ilya says, leaning over the desk, starring straight at Shane. “You are in charge.”

“I’m not sure I want to be in charge.” He says honestly.

“Okay. Then that can be one of your rules. You do not want to be in charge. Do you know who you want to be in charge, or does it not matter?”

“I want you to be in charge.” Shane says quickly. Probably too quickly because Ilya’s lips quirks up into that stupid fucking irresistible smirk.

“I can do that.” He says, his eyes gleaming with lust. “Anything else?”

“I…” Shane takes a deep breath. If he is going to do this, he might just go all the fucking way. “I want to be restrained. Completely under your command.”

Ilya’s breathing quickens and he adjusts himself slightly in his chair.

“Okay. What about Ashton?”

Shane hesitates for a second.

He can leave. Or watch.

Shane doesn’t say that of course. “I want him to be under your command to. But he doesn’t have to be restrained.”

“Can I order him to do things to you?” Ilyas asks.

“Yes.”

Or you can do them yourself.

Shane screws his eyes shut for a second, trying to stop his asshole brain from commenting on everything.

“Any other rules?”

“Yes.” Shane swallows a few times. He needs to voice what he actually wants. Otherwise, he will probably have another mental breakdown. And he is safe here. With Ilya. He can voice his needs. “No kissing.” He says and for a second, he sees disappointment in Ilya’s eyes, but it’s gone just as quickly. Shane instantly feels he needs to clarify. “Only you can kiss me.” He keeps his eyes firmly locked into Ilya. “And you can’t kiss Ashton.”

“Okay.” Ilya seems pleased with the clarification. Then he turns to Ashton. “Is that okay with you?”

“Sure.” He says. A grin plastered on his face. Shane isn’t sure what that grin is supposed to mean, though.

“Anything else?”

“Yes. Uhm… No penetration either.” Shane blushes involuntarily. “Except for you.” He says, trying to keep his voice steady. “With me.”

“So, like before? Just you and me?”

“Yes.”

“Ashton?” Ilya says without looking away from Shane this time. “Is okay with you?”

“Yep. I’m cool with it.”

“Good. Any other rules?”

“No. I think that’s it.” Shane actually feels a lot better about this situation now. Ashton is more like a toy Ilya can play with. Not a participant. At least not fully.

“Okay. let me go check if the room I want is available.” Ilya gets up from the chair. “I’ll be right back.”

When he leaves Shane can feel Ashton grinning at him.

“Are you sure you are okay with this?” Shane asks. He feels a bit like a jerk for excluding Ashton from almost everything.

“Totally. I’ve been with other couples before.”

“We’re not a couple.”

“Maybe not. But the ground rules are pretty much the same.” Ashton says with a knowing smirk. Something Shane tries desperately to ignore.

*****

Ilya leads Shane and Ashton to the room he acquired. It is one of the private VIP rooms, but not the one that looks like a hotel room. No, this one is a bit more… kinky.

The walls are painted dark except for the end wall that is a deep red. And against that wall is the large bed. The headboard has hooks on it. For restraining. There are also hooks on the ceiling and on the floor, directly across from the bed. Giving the opportunity to tie someone up, providing a nice view for whoever is on the bed. Ilya would love to be in that bed, watching Shane Hollander tied up with his arms and legs spread wide. Naked. And maybe he will be able to get that fantasy fulfilled tonight.

“Jesus Christ.” Shane mutters as he enters. The room is dimly lit, making the whole thing seem even more kinky. “Is this a fucking sex dungeon?”

“No. it is not a dungeon.” Ilya deadpans.

“I know that, asshole.”

“You two are fucking adorable.” Ashton grins, pushes between them, then drops down on the bed. “And this is a very comfortable bed.”

“Of course it is.” Ilya says at the same time as Shane speaks too.

“We are not adorable!” He is attempting to glare at Ashton, but Ilya thinks he looks more like a cute little angry kitten.

“You are pretty adorable.” Ilya shrugs, then moves out of the way when Shane tries to punch him in the arm. “And slow.” He teases, owning a cute little scowl of his own.

“Fuck you.” Shane shoves Ilya with both hands on Ilya’s chest, making him tumble back a bit. Laughing.

“Is this some kind of weird foreplay you to do?” Ashton asks, now propped up on his elbows, watching them carefully.

“Only when I am lucky.” Ilya smirks.

“You are an idiot.” Shane grumbles, but Ilya can see Shane trying to hold back a smile.

“You two are really weird.” Ashton says as he sits up. “And I’m kinda into it. So,” he clasps his hands together. “Should we discuss logistics, or are you just gonna tell us what to do right from the start?” Ashton asks Ilya.

Ilya looks at Shane, hoping to interpret what he will prefer, but Shane is already blushing hard. Clearly feeling uncomfortable or awkward.

“I think I will tell you what to do.”

“Alright. You’re the boss.” Ashton lifts his hands in playful surrender.

“You are okay?” Ilya asks, when Ilya has Shane situated exactly like he had pictured in his head. Each wrist tied to two separate hooks above his head in each direction. His ancles secured to their own hooks on the floor, legs spread slightly.

Shane isn’t wearing any clothes, but Ilya has wrapped a towel around his waist for now, knowing Shane would hate feeling like he is on full display while Ilya sets up everything to his liking.

“Yeah. I’m good.”

“Not uncomfortable? Cuffs to tight?”

“No, not at all. Everything is great.”

“Good. And if you need break, what do you do?” Ilya asks.

“I use the colors.”

“What colors?” Ilya has taught Shane one of the simplest strategies people use during sex-play with bondage. He just wants to make absolutely sure Shane remembers everything so nothing can go wrong.

“Green, yellow and red.”

“And what do colors stand for?” Ilya gently brushes the back of his index finger down Shane’s cheek and Shane leans into the touch.

“Green means I’m okay and willing to continue. Yellow means I’m slightly uncomfortable and maybe need a break and red means full stop.”

“Good boy.” Ilya says, enjoying the way Shane blushes from the praise. He knows Shane will deny it if asked, but Ilya is pretty sure he likes being called a good boy.  “And remember, full stop means everything stops. Everyone stops.”

“I’ll remember.”

“And use your colors. Even if I don’t ask for them. Always use your colors. And that goes for both of you.” Ilya looks at Ashton who nods.  “Good.” One last time, Ilya circles around Shane, enjoying his handy work while making sure everything is just right. Checking the cuffs while carefully watching Shane’s expressions. When he sees nothing but lust and excitement, Ilya continues. “I think we are ready to begin.” He gestures for Ashton to get off the bed. “Shane is the main focus. We will both make sure he is pleasured.” Ilya instructs him, “but you will only do what I tell you to do, yes?”

“Yes.” Ashton confirms.

“Good. Now take off your clothes. All of it.”

Ashton instantly obeys and strips out of everything. Ilya does the same, while keeping an eye on Shane. It’s clear he is enjoying the show, with the way his breathing gets heavier and faster.

Once Ilya is fully naked, he walks up behind Shane, standing barely an inch away. He can feel the heat radiating from Shane’s body.

Meanwhile, Ashton has also stripped out of everything. “Where do you want me?” He asks Ilya.

“On your knees.” Ilya gestures to the spot in front of Shane. “Take off his towel with your teeth.”

“Fuck.” Shane mutters low, and Ilya notices the way his body shudders. Ilya smiles to himself. Shane seems to really be enjoying this, and Ilya loves that he is. He wants to give Shane an experience of a lifetime. Make him enjoy everything.

Slowly, Ashton does as instructed. He gently bites down on the edge of the towel, right above Shane’s crotch, looking up at him. Then he pulls the towel off, revealing Shane’s hard dick. Ilya is watching everything over Shane’s shoulder. Enjoying it immensely.

“You are so hard.” He whispers into Shane’s ear. “Do you want him to wrap his pretty pink lips around your hard dick?”

“Yes… please.”

“You are forgetting something.” Ilya bites Shane’s earlobe and tugs slightly.

“Fuck…” He gasps. “Green. Please…”

“good job.” Ilya steps closer, pressing his body against Shane’s body. ”You are doing so well.” Then he addresses Ashton. “Take Shane’s dick in your mouth. Swallow him slowly.”

Ashton opens his mouth, wraps his lips around the head of Shane’s cock then slowly starts swallowing him down.

“Fuck…” Shane gasps and drops his head back onto Ilya’s shoulder. Ilya puts his lips on Shane’s neck. Kissing it gently. Shane tilts his head to the side, giving Ilya more access.

“Do you like it? Does he make you feel good?”

“Yes…” he moans. “So fucking good.”

“Good.” Ilya gently bites the skin on Shane’s neck. “I am going to make you feel even better.” Ilya starts kissing his way down Shane’s body as he drops to his knees behind him.

“Fuck… are you gonna… oh shit!” Shane jolts his hips forward, nearly choking Ashton with his dick, when Ilya spreads Shane’s cheeks and licks down his crease. “Jesus Christ.” Shane mutters then apologizes quickly when Ashton pulls back, spluttering and inhaling sharply. “I’m sorry Ashton. I’m so fucking sorry I didn’t mean to…”

“It was my fault.” Ilya interrupts but Ashton holds up a hand to stop them both.

“It’s okay.” He says. His voice a bit hoarse. “I’m fine. Just got surprised.”

“Sorry.” Shane says again.

“Forget it.” Ashton goes straight back to sucking Shane’s dick, effectively shutting him right up.

“Oh god…” Shane mutters as Ilya slowly starts circling Shane’s rim with his tongue. It doesn’t take long before Shane’s legs start trembling and his body tensing. Shane’s moans and whimpers grow louder, spurring on Ilya, and probably Ashton too. Ilya almost gets high on the sounds Shane is making. Drinking it all in. Fully enjoying being a part of this fantasy.

At least until everything comes crashing down hard, pulling Ilya straight back to reality.

“Wait, wait.” Shane’s entire body is now trembling and not in the same way as before. It’s not with need, but more like exertion. “Yellow.” The word is only a whisper between huffs of breaths. “Yellow.” He repeats, and Ilya quickly removes his tongue from Shane’s ass.

 Before Ilya has gotten to his feet, Ashton has already moved away from Shane entirely, making it easier for Ilya to stand in front of Shane. He quickly puts his palms on Shane’s face, making him look at Ilya.

“What is wrong?” Ilya can’t hide the concern in his voice.

“My wrists.” He mumbles low. “They hurt. It’s too much.”

Ilya looks up and sees that Shane is practically hanging from the cuffs, putting all his weight on his wrists.

“Your legs are giving out.” He states, then wraps an arm around Shane’s body, lifting him up a bit and Shane lets out a shaky breath of relief.

“Thank you…” He whispers, then rests his forehead on Ilya’s shoulder.

“Ashton, get the cuffs of his ancles! We are moving him to the bed.” Ilya barks out orders, his tone almost sounding as harsh as his father’s, but he doesn’t really care. He hates that something he has done, has caused Shane pain. Ilya quickly removes the cuffs from Shane’s wrists, while still holding him close and once he is completely out of his restraints, Ilya scoops him up and carries him to the bed.

Ashton is thankfully keeping his distance, probably sensing Ilya’s shift in mood.

“This feels better.” Shane is lying on the bed with his eyes closed and there is a small indication of a smile on his lips.

“Do you need to stop?” Ilya asks, his voice less steady than he would like.

“No.” Shane opens his eyes then brushes a finger down Ilya’s face. “No. I enjoyed it. Loved it, actually. I want to continue. Just… maybe not standing.” Ilya swallows, then nods. God, he is so mad at himself. He should have paid more attention to Shane. He should have noticed Shane was in pain earlier. Ilya just got too wrapped up in his own self-indulgence. “Hey,” Shane says, concern clear in his eyes. “You did nothing wrong. It was amazing. Really. I think I just got overwhelmed.” Obviously, Shane has read him like an open book.

“Okay.” Ilya looks away, trying to hide the fact that he is still very angry with himself. Angry with Ashton too. Even though he isn’t the one in charge so Ilya knows he can’t really blame him.

“Ilya…” Shane pulls Ilya into a soft, gentle kiss. “Please believe me. I need you to trust that I will tell you if I’m uncomfortable or hurt, okay? And I need you to understand that you did everything right. Just like you promised. You stopped and fixed it when I told you I felt pain.” Ilya turns his face away from Shane again. Tears prickling in his eyes. “I can tell you are blaming yourself. And you shouldn’t. If it’s anyone’s fault, its mine. Everything felt so good that I didn’t notice how my wrists were hurting until it became too much. So, that’s on me. Not you.”

Shane pulls Ilya down on top of him, holding him close, and Ilya lets him. With tears now blurring his vision, Ilya kisses Shane over and over again.

*****

Shane hates how much Ilya seems to be affected by the discomfort Shane felt while being tied up, and he wishes he could get Ilya to understand that even though it had hurt and his hands had felt like they were going slightly numb, everything is okay now. His wrists don’t even really have marks. They are red of course, but no chafing or anything. Honestly, the discomfort has probably more to do with Shane’s weird sensory issues, that sometimes just comes out of nowhere, than actual pain.

“Ilya,” he lets his fingers run through Ilya’s hair. “I promise everything is okay now.”

“I know.” Ilya says, but isn’t moving away from Shane. His body is covering Shane’s entirely, and he seems determined to keep it that way. The only time he moves is when he is kissing Shane. His mouth. His jaw. His neck. His chest.

“So… do you want to continue, maybe?” Shane asks, because he really wants to finish what they started. With Ilya at least. He doesn’t really care if Ashton will be a part of it.

“I don’t know if we should.” Ilya mutters, his lips grazing Shane’s throat. “Maybe this is enough for tonight.”

It’s not. Not for Shane. He wants so much more. He needs it bad. He is desperate to feel Ilya inside him.

“Maybe I should leave?” Ashton says. “Let you two work out…” he gestures in the air with his hand. “Whatever this is.”

“That might be a good idea.” Shane agrees. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t worry about it.”  Ashton smiles at Shane. A smile that clearly says: Told you it was couple behavior, and Shane blushes. “I’ll go to the bar. If you guys want me to come back, then text me. If not, that’s cool too.”

“Thank you, Ashton.” Shane sends him a thankful smile. He might actually like Ashton a little bit. Just not romantically. Possibly not even sexually. But he likes how respectful Ashton is. To both him and Ilya. As soon as Ashton has left, Shane turns his full attention back to Ilya who is cuddling Shane almost aggressively. “Ilya…” Shane almost adds sweetheart, but thankfully stops himself. “I want to remind you,” he runs his fingers through Ilya’s hair slowly. Fondly. “I only used the word yellow. Nort red.”

“I know.” Ilya mumbles against Shane’s neck.

“And that means I just needed a break. I’m okay with continuing now. But if you aren’t then that’s okay. I just need you to tell me if that’s it. If you don’t want us to have sex tonight.” Shane can feel Ilya tensing slightly against his body.

“I do want to. I just…” He sighs heavily, shaking his head slightly. And Shane takes a risk. If he is wrong, not only will it be extremely embarrassing but also potentially ruining whatever this thing between them is.

“What if it’s just you and me?” Shane asks, his heart beating fast. “If we don’t invite Ashton back?”

“Do you want that, Hollander?” Ilya raises his head and looks into Shane’s eyes for the first time in a while.

Shane decides to just be honest this time. He has come this far, he might as well go all the way.

“So much.” He says, kissing Ilya’s forehead. “And not just tonight, Ilya.” Shane can barely control his breathing. He is close to freaking out, but he needs to say this. “I want it to only be you and me who sleep together. I don’t want to involve a third person.” Ilya keeps staring into Shane’s eyes, clearly searching for the truth in his words, not saying anything and Shane panics. “I mean, you can sleep with other people when I’m not around, but maybe just not….” He swallows then lets out a ragged breath. “Just not tell me about it. I don’t want to know about anyone you sleep with.”

“Hollander,” Ilya sounds shocked. “Are you asking for a relationship?”

“no.” Shane quickly responds, but he is unable to tell how Ilya feels about his answer. “Not entirely. Just uhm…”

“Fuck buddies. Monogamously.” Ilya suggests.

“Something like that.” Shane hates that he chickened out again. He wants more. He wants to be in a relationship, but considering he is still closeted, it won’t be fair to someone who is so proudly queer.

“What about your fear of catching feelings?” Ilya asks and Shane wants to tell him that it’s too late anyway.

“That is still a risk.” Shane says instead. “But I only feel comfortable with you. So, I think that if you aren’t a part of my sexual encounters, then I will just stop having them at all. And I don’t want that. I enjoy having sex with you.”

“Okay.” Ilya says, his expression unreadable.

 “But like I said, you can sleep with other people. Just don’t let me see it or know about it.” Ilya smile fades a bit, but Shane isn’t entirely sure why. “And it will still be on the downlow, of course.” Shane adds. “I need to protect my career.”

“Of course.” Shane can hear the annoyance in Ilya’s voice, which only confirms that Shane has made the right decision in not asking for more. Not asking for a secret relationship.

Chapter End Notes

So, I just want to let you know that the next few chapters will probably take a bit longer between uploads, because the rest of this month is very busy for me, (Going to London on vacation!! Woohoo!!) and as you probably already know, nothing in this story is prewritten. I’m just making it up as I go :P
In the meantime, while you wait for my slow updates, you can check out the other HR shortstories/oneshots in this series, or you feel adventurous, you can check out my RWRB fics (My personal favorite is Will You Hate Me if I Love You.) And I promise to update this story as fast as my busy schedule allows me.

Chapter 7

Chapter Notes

Hi guys.
Thank you so, so much for your patience. I had a great time in London, and I quickly wrote this chapter – the last chapter – when I got home.
I hope you will enjoy it even though it’s the last one and this story is ending. But there is no need to be sad. I already have another HR fic ready to start publishing soon. (I have 30 chapters so far and it isn’t done yet.) So keep your eyes open for the next fic.
I want to thank each and every one of your for all the support you have given me. You have inspired me to keep writing in a time where some ficwriters gets bullied. A time where I almost quit writing too. But now I don’t want to. And I hope I will never feel like quitting again, because I love writing so much. And I really love hearing from you guys.
So thank you, thank you, thank you.

Love, Ayana

Just as every other time Shane has done this without telling Ilya, he is nervous. And not just because of Ilya maybe finding out, but because he is scared that today will be the day where she doesn’t recognize him. Slowly, he knocks on her door. His heart is racing fast.

“Da.” She yells, sounding stronger for each time he visits, and it makes him smile as he opens the door.

“Hi Irina.”

“Shane.” Her eyes light up and she reaches her arms out for him to come and hug her. “My beautiful boy.” She says in Russian.

Shane grins happily. She remembered him. Every time Shane visits her, he learns a few new Russian words. He learned these words on the first visit, and he loves that she calls him this. It makes his heart swell. He already has too much love for this woman, and he knows it will eventually end up being a problem, but for now he just wants to do his best to make her get better. Stronger. Happier. Maybe even help her remember a bit of English. And she is already remembering more than he thought she would on the four times he had come to see her.

They use a translator app to help them communicate, so he now has the app on his phone. He has to help her remember how to use it every time he visits but that’s okay.

“I’ve brought sandwiches.” He lifts the bag in the air. “Homemade.”

She smiles at him.

“Thank you.” She says the words slowly with a very heavy accent.

“You are welcome.” He takes the bag to the kitchen counter and finds two plates to arrange the sandwiches on. He also finds them something to drink. The water and the alcohol-free vodka he brought her on the first visit. “First a glass of water, then we can have a shot, okay?” He shows her the vodka bottle and she nods.  He isn’t sure if she remembers that the vodka isn’t the Russian kind she loves so much, but he suspects that she doesn’t actually care all that much. She just wants a sense of normality in her life. A tiny bit of who she was before she left Russia.

“Is Ilya…” she stops and scrunches her face. Shane can tell she is trying to remember the word she is looking for.

“Here.” Shane says and finds his phone. “Let’s find the app.”

“App?” Irina suddenly seems very confused. The first few times Shane experienced this he got nervous, but now he knows this is common for her. And it’s nothing to be scared off. She just needs reminding.

“Yes.” Shane finds the app and hands her the phone. “Just speak into the phone in Russian and it will translate. You can do whole sentences or just a word.” She nods.

“Rabotayushchiy.” She says and the app immediately translates it into the word: Working.”

“You want to know if Ilya is working right now?” Shane asks to clarify and to help her hear the word used in a sentence.

“Da.”

“Yeah, I think he is at work. I didn’t tell him I was coming to see you.” Shane admits. “I want to surprise him with how good your English has gotten.” Irina beams. She seems to really like the idea. “I will tell him about my visits soon, I promise.”

“Is okay.” She says. “I like to surprise him.” Her words are slow and slightly mispronounced, but she is getting better each  time he comes to see her.

Shane takes her hand and squeezes it. He is so proud of her. “He is going to love it.” Shane says and hopes like hell he is right.

“What are you doing?” Shane asks grinningly as he spots Troy standing awkwardly on the customer side of the bar, looking like he would rather be anywhere else.

“Observing Kyle.” He nods in the direction of the bartender. Shane recognizes the blond boy from the dayshift.

“Is he swapping to nightshifts?” Shane asks.

“Yeah. And he is in training to take over as the night manager.” Troy’s voice sounds slightly strained.

“Did you quit?” It isn’t like Shane would consider him and Troy friends exactly, but he likes talking to him. If he leaves, Shane will definitely miss him.

“Not exactly.” Troy turns to look at Shane directly. “I’ve been at practice with the centaurs for some time now and coach Wiebe wants me to rejoin the team from next season. So, I promised Ilya to help prepare my replacement here.”

“That’s amazing, Troy!” Shane is truly thrilled. Troy is a great player.

“Yeah.” Troy smiles, but he is still looking a bit sad. “It’s great. But I’ll miss this place. It’s kinda become like a home for me.”

Shane nods. He gets it. It has become like a home for him too, but he thinks that might have more to do with Ilya than the place itself.

“Shane!” Ilya suddenly calls from the office.

“Uhhh, someone is in trouble.” Troy teases. “Maybe he is going to spank you.”

“Oh, shut up.” Shane can feel the heat rise in his cheeks. A mix of embarrassment and excitement. A piece of Shane would definitely like getting spanked by Ilya. The sheer thought if it has Shane blushing even more.

“Jeez.” Troy smirks. “You are completely fired up, aren’t you?”

“Fuck off.” Shane pushes Troy - who is now laughing loudly - out of the way and heads to Ilya’s office.

“I just got a call.” When Shane enters the office, Ilya is standing with his arms crossed and looking rather intimidating. Shane instantly feels nervous and swallows hard. “Is there something you want to tell me?”

Fuck.

Ilya knows. Shane has no doubt. And now, something Shane has wanted to be a surprise might seem suspicious and weird.

Suddenly it occurs to Shane that him going to see Ilya’s mother alone and without his consent can be seen as downright disrespectful to Ilya.

“I’m sorry.” Shane instantly apologizes.

“For?” Ilya presses on. He clearly wants Shane to tell him everything, so he does.

“I have been visiting your mother these last two weeks. It wasn’t really my intention that it should be a repeated thing at first, I just found this alcohol-free vodka and figured that she might appreciate it, so I brought it to the nurses. I wanted to make sure she could have it, and once they said it would be fine they told me I should just go in and give it to her, because she had been asking for you and me.” Shane can’t read Ilya’s expression at all as he talks and it is making him very nervous. “So, I went in there and she remembered me. We couldn’t really communicate all that well, so we were just sitting together, watching a hockey game while we had something to drink.” Shane takes a step closer to Ilya and puts a hand on his arm. “I promise, it wasn’t my intention to start visiting her behind your back, but after I left, I got this idea on how to help her improve her English. And things just snowballed from there. I wanted her to surprise you with it. But I can see now that it was a stupid idea and I should have talked to you about it first.”

The room falls silent once Shane is done explaining and Ilya just keeps glaring at Shane, making him feel slightly uncomfortable. Eventually, Shane spots a small indication of a smile on Ilya’s face.

“I do not like you going behind my back.” Ilya says, but his expression is softer.

“I understand. I shouldn’t have done it. I’m…”

“But,” Ilya interrupts Shane before he can apologies again, “I appreciate the thought behind it.”

“So, you are not mad?”

“I cannot be mad at you for wanting to help my mother.” Ilya says as he reaches for Shane and Shane willingly steps into Ilya’s embrace. Very willingly. Ilya holds him close for a while, and all the tension leaves Shane’s body. “However”, Ilya whispers into Shane’s hair, “You have been lying to me.”

“I did not lie. I just didn’t tell you.” Shane argues playfully now that he knows Ilya isn’t really mad at him.

“Fine.” He can almost hear Ilya’s eyeroll. “You held back information about my family.” Ilya corrects. “And I do think you need to make it up to me.”

“Oh really?” Shane smiles into Ilya’s chest. He likes where this is going.

“Yes, really.”

“Okay. How can I make it up to you?”

“That is something you need to figure out.” Ilya kisses the top of his head, and lets go of him. “But for now, I have to work. There is a lot of paperwork waiting for me.” He sighs loudly.

“Because of Troy leaving?”

“Yes.” Ilya responds as he goes to sit at his desk.

“I’m sorry.” Shane says. “Not about the paperwork, but I know how much you love Troy.”

“It is good for him.” Ilya says but Shane can hear the sadness in his voice. Shane has no doubt that Ilya is very proud of Troy and supports his decision fully, but he will clearly miss him a lot.

“It is.” Shane agrees. Then suddenly he gets an idea on how he can make Ilya feel better while also keeping his promise to make things up to him. Slowly he makes his way over to Ilya’s desk. “Get up.” He commands.

“What?”

“Get up.” Shane repeats. Ilya stands up, looking slightly confused. Then Shane drops to his knees, opens Ilya’s pants and slides them down to his thighs. “Now sit down again.” Ilya does. Shane climbs in underneath the desk and pulls Ilya’s chair with him. “You just continue to work.” Shane says and slowly starts mouthing at Ilya’s already semihard cock that’s hidden inside his briefs. He uses his lips to tug at his cock, while massaging his tongue against it turning the fabric wet with saliva. Shane can hear Ilya trying to suppress a moan, so he continues a bit longer. Making Ilya grow completely hard before setting his cock free.

Once in a while, Shane can hear Ilya tapping his keyboard, probably trying to do some work like Shane told him to, but the tapping is slow. Shane takes Ilya’s dick into his mouth, swallowing him down very slowly. He can feel himself growing hard as he does. This whole situation is hotter than Shane had even imagined it to be. Like, he knew it would be something Ilya would enjoy, but he hadn’t expected himself to love it this much. With one hand, Shane opens his own pants, just to relieve some of the pressure, while his other hand is gripping Ilya’s thigh, digging his fingers into the hard muscles.

God, he loves doing stuff like this with Ilya. Everything always seems new and exciting. And borderline kinky.

“Mr. Rozanov?” Shane instantly stops moving as he hears Kyle enter the office. “The beer on tap is running low, so I need to go change the cag. Could you watch the bar?”

“Where is Troy?” Ilya asks, his voice almost steady, but Shane can feel the tremble in Ilya’s thigh. He is clearly trying so hard to stay calm and collected, and Shane eyes an opportunity to tease a bit. Slowly he starts sucking Ilya’s dick again. He hears the sharp intake of breath, then a hand is gripping a fistful of his hair. Tight. Not pulling him off or anything. Just gripping. So, Shane interprets it as: Keep going.

“His boyfriend called. So, he stepped out to answer.”

Shane can hear Ilya’s breath quickening. Theres no way Kyle isn’t going to notice something going on if Ilya doesn’t get him to leave soon. And that is making everything even hotter.

Shane takes Ilya deeper and swallows around Ilya’s dick. The grip tightens in Shane’s hair and Shane has to admit he fucking loves it.

“Leave the door open.” Ilya says. His voice strained. “I’ll watch from here.”

“Okay.” Shane can hear the confusion in Kyle’s voice but apparently he leaves because Shane hears Ilya say something in Russian, then slides his chair back slightly, glaring down at Shane.

“Brat.” He says, but Shane just smiles around Ilya’s dick and starts bobbing his head faster. “Fuck…” Ilya groans and closes his eyes for a second. Shane knows the door to the club is open. He knows anyone can walk in at any time, and Ilya is a dead giveaway right now, but Shane doesn’t care. He keeps sucking Ilya’s dick enthusiastically. He even pulls out his own cock and starts stroking. Something that doesn’t go by unnoticed by Ilya. “Are you getting hard from this Shane? Do you like the risk of getting caught.” Shane closes his eyes, a blush creeping up on his face. Because he can’t deny it. He really fucking loves it.

“Where is Kyle?” Troy’s voice startles the both of them, and Troy quickly figures out what’s going on. “For fucks sake, guys.” He complains. “at least close the door. Freaks.” Then the door slams and Ilya lets out a chuckle.

“Thank you, Troy.” Ilya shouts and Shane can hear Troy shout back through the door.

“You two are weird as fuck!” And even Shane has to laugh a bit, which makes Ilya groan loud.

“Fuck…” Ilya pants and screws his eyes tightly shut. “You are going to make me come.” Shane rolls his eyes. Like making Ilya come hadn’t been the intention all along. “Oh shit… now, Shane. You need to move.” Shane knows that Ilya warning him is a curtesy thing. Shane doesn’t always like taking a load in his mouth, but today he wants it. He wants it bad. “Fuck. I’m coming. Shane…” He breathes out Shane’s name as he comes down his throat. Shane sucks him through the entire orgasm, only stopping when Ilya pads his shoulder. Letting him know it’s almost becoming too much.

“So,” Shane says as he gets to his feet. Did I make it up to you?”

“Yes.” Ilya flashes Shane a sexdrunk smile. “You are forgiven.”

*****

“Are you excited?” Ilya asks Troy as they walk towards Wiebe’s office. Today is the day that Troy’s return next season will be announced.

“of course. But also like, anxious, you know?” Troy is fiddling with his coffee mug, and Ilya fears he will end up dropping hot coffee all over himself soon.

“It will be fine. You are great player. The fans will welcome you back.”

“Are you sure about that?” Troy stops walking and grabs Ilya’s arm to stop him too. Ilya turns to face Troy. “All they know is that I left the team mid-season, then disappeared for over a year. And before that, I was the asshole who spent my entire career next to Kent. Being homophobic and just fucking awful.”

“Until you called him out, Troy. Don’t forget about that part.”

Troy waves his hand dismissively as if it means nothing.

“And now I’m going to be the first openly gay hockey player? They are going to want to fucking kill me.”

“Who?” Ilya asks. “This team is great. Everyone will be supportive.”

“I know.” Troy smiles then sighs. “But everyone else won’t be. The fans, the players. The entire fucking league.”

“They will adapt.” Ilya says but he isn’t entirely sure it is the truth. He wants it to be, but it most likely isn’t. “But if you are not sure you want to be open about your sexuality, you are allowed to keep it to yourself.”

“I know. But I don’t want to. Don’t get me wrong, I have no intention of making a big deal of announcing my sexuality, but I won’t be hiding it either. Or my relationship to Harris.”

“I understand.”

“Are you boys ready?” Wiebe says from the doorway, clearly, he has been watching them. Maybe even overheard them. But Ilya knows that it isn’t a problem. Wiebe doesn’t care about Troy’s sexuality. He will support Troy in anything he chooses.

“As ready as I’m ever going to be, I guess.” Troy says.

“ILYA!” Harris’ voice is screechy and horrified, running down the hallway towards Wiebe’s office. They have barely started to plan the announcement at all yet, but Ilya is instantly on his feet and out of the office.

“What?”

“You have to see this.” Painting hard, clearly out of breath, Harris hands Ilya his phone. It shows an interview with someone Ilya instantly recognizes. One of his mother’s nurses. Not the primary one who speaks Russian, but one of the others. A younger one. But the thing that nearly knocks Ilya on his ass is the headline at the bottom of the screen.

Shane Hollander gay?

“Fuck!” Ilya hisses through gritted teeth, then turns up the volume.

“So, just to be sure I am understanding this correctly.” The reporter says to the nurse that Ilya wants to fucking strangle with his bare hands. “You have seen and heard Shane Hollander call himself a boyfriend to a man whose mother is in your care?”

“Yes.” She says with a smile on her face. “He has even been visiting her very frequently, and she proudly calls Mr. Hollander her son.”

“As in son-in-law?” The reporter asks.

“Yes. But I don’t know if they are engaged yet, or if that is just wishful thinking from a mother.”

“Stupid fucking bitch!” Ilya shouts, startling everyone around him. “I am going to sue the shit out of her!”

“You need to get a hold of Hollander.” Troy says, instantly snapping Ilya out of his anger.

“Shit.” He mumbles. “Yes. You are right. They have game tonight. I need him to know this before he goes onto the ice.”

Ilya’s hands are shaking as he quickly stabs the call button. Shane is going to panic. He knows it. Maybe it would be best not to tell him before the game, but chances are that the opposite team or some fans have seen the interview, and that is possibly a worse scenario than Shane hearing it before the game.

Ilya’s heart is nearly beating out of his chest as he waits for Shane to pick up. He lets it ring until it goes to voicemail, then calls again. He is going to keep calling until Shane picks up. He has to at least try.

“Fuck.” Troy is suddenly next to Ilya. “Its too late. A reporter just asked him during a pregame interview.” Troy shows the interview on his phone, and when Ilya sees all the blood disappearing form Shane’s face during the question, he grabs the phone out of Troy’s hand, holding it closer. Like he is able to offer comfort to Shane through the phone. “I’m sorry man.” Troy says, but Ilya barely registers it. Shane looks so freaked out. Horrified. And his team’s management is taking too fucking long to get him out of the situation. Causing Shane to try and come up with some coverup lie on the spot, and miserably failing. He tries to say that he and Ilya (Without mentioning his name, probably to protect Ilya) is friends and have been for a while, but it doesn’t quite land.

When the interview is over, Ilya plays it again. He is watching Shane’s face carefully, trying to decipher every emotion he sees washing over Shane’s face.

“This is bad.” He mumbles low. He hates how terrified Shane looks.

“Shane’s calling.” Troy says, now holding the phone that Ilya abandoned as soon as Troy showed him the interview.

“Give me.” Ilyas snatches the phone and answers. “Shane?”

“I’m screwed.” Shane says. His voice trembling. “I’m so fucking screwed.”

“Is okay.” Ilya does his best to put on a comforting tone. “It will be okay.”

“I’m benched.” Shane’s voice cracks. “My coach benched me.”

“What?” The wave of anger hits Ilya so suddenly that he nearly breaks the phone from clutching it so hard. “Why? How long? This game or…?”

“I don’t know.” Shane huffs out a shuddering breath. Ilya can picture him running his hands down his face or through his hair. “At least this game, but I don’t know if it will be longer than that. It might be. This is so fucked up.”

“Do you want me to come?” The words leave Ilya’s mouth before he even has time to consider them. “I am in Ottawa now, but I can be in Montreal in two hours.”

“No, it’s okay.” Shane sighs. “There isn’t anything you can do anyway. Besides, it might be best we don’t risk being seen together right now.”

“Oh.” Ilya tries to ignore the disappointment he feels. Of course. It makes sense. Shane is looking for a way out of this and that doesn’t involve Ilya. And being seen with a man – especially the man whose mother Shane has been visiting – is definitely not going to help. But honestly, he really wants to be there for Shane.

****

“So…” The coach says when Shane sits down in his office. It’s after the game, and Shane feels like he is barely holding it together. Getting outed like that has always been his worst fear. That, and having it affect his career. “I think there is something we need to figure out right now.”

“Yes sir.” Shane nods. They need to make a statement. Maybe do some damage control of some sorts. Make plans for how to deal with the issues that inevitably will come up when Shane is on the ice during the next game.

“I need you to tell me that this is a misunderstanding.” His coach says, catching Shane completely off guard. He knew the coach wouldn’t exactly be supportive but he hadn’t expected this.

“mi sorry?”

“The boyfriend.” Coach says. Like it should be obvious. “That it’s a misunderstanding. That there is no boyfriend.”

Shane clenches his fists. He can’t fully conceal the anger in his voice when he responds. “Does it matter?”

Obviously, there isn’t a boyfriend. Not really. But there could have been. And the fact that his coach wants him to confirm that he isn’t gay makes Shane’s blood boil.

“Yes.” the coach looks at him like Shane is asking a ridicules question. “Your answer will determine how long you are benched.”

“What?” Shane jumps to his feet, the chair falling to the floor behind him. “Are you telling me,” he puts his hands on the desk, leaning closer to his coach’s face, “that I am going to be benched if I confirm that I’m gay?”

The coach doesn’t seem affected by Shane’s behavior at all. He just stares at him.

“You will have to be bench for the duration of time that cleaning up this mess you’ve caused, will take.”

“Translated,” Shane grits out, “yes. I’m benched if I’m gay.”

The coach shrugs. “I didn’t say that.”

Shane is furious. He came here fully prepared to make some kind of damage control. Tell the world it was a misunderstanding. That he and Ilya are just friends. But now that the coach is fucking threatening him and his career, Shane suddenly has no intention of doing any kind of damage control.

“Well, I guess I’m benched!” Shane practically shouts. “But I am not going to go quietly, I can tell you that much!” Then Shane walks out of the office, slamming the door behind him.

Shane has been pacing back and forth in his apartment for hours. Trying to decide what to do. His mind is too wired up for Shane to even consider going to bed even though he probably should. He grabs his phone, his finger hovering over the contact for a moment before pressing it. The call isn’t answered quickly, but when it finally does, Shane feels instantly relieved.

“Ilya…” Shane tries to keep his voice steady, but he is still fucking terrified. This decision will probably kill his career completely, but he doesn’t want to lie anymore. Not about who he is. “I’ve changed my mind.”

“About what?” Ilya’s voice sounds groggy. Like he was asleep. Which, considering the time, he probably was

“About you coming over.” Theres a long silence at the other end and Shane’s mind is already spiraling. Then he hears movement. A bed creaking as Ilya gets up.

“I’ll be there in 2 hours.” Then he hears a loud noise and Ilya swearing.

“Are you okay?”

“Yes.” Then a deep breath. “Stubbed my toe.”

Shane huffs out a laugh. “Be careful, Ilya. You don’t have to rush. Take time to at least wake up a bit.”

“Okay. So maybe it will be a bit more than two hours.”

“I’ll be waiting.”

“Are you sure you want to do this?” Ilya asks again and Shane actually loves that Ilya keeps checking. It shows him how much he actually cares about Shane. As a friend or something, of course. Not that Ilya’s hasn’t already shown Shane how much he cares by driving two hours to see him in the middle of the night. And when he had finally arrived, Ilya had been so jacked up on caffeine that they had spent hours planning what to do. And apparently, Ilya had already started to make plans on how to help Shane before he even arrived in Montreal.

The plan evolves them pretending to be boyfriends to the world, just as they do to Ilya’s mother. They will both act like they are fully in love, and Ilya will be the supportive boyfriend who shows up to every game, cheering his boyfriend on. They are going to be so obnoxiously sweet and cute that everyone will grow tired of them quickly. And at some point, they will be able to break up without the world caring about it. And on top of that, Ilya even prepared a backup plan involving Shane getting traded to Ottawa if needed. And honestly, Shane thinks that he probably will have too, because he is going to piss the league off with this plan.

It scares him slightly, but he is just the right amount of furious with the homophobic part of the hockey world to push through with the plan anyway.

“yes, I’m sure.” Shane smiles, taking Ilya’s hand. “We are going to do this together.”

“Of course.” Ilya says with a grin. “We are in a relationship now, sweetheart.”

Shane rolls his eyes. Ilya has been teasing Shane constantly since making their plan by calling Shane a variety of cutesy and annoying petnames. “Fake relationship, Ilya.”

“Yes, Hollander.” Ilya groans. “I know.”

Shane ignores it, takes a deep calming breath and continues. “And everything is ready, right?”

“Yes.” Ilya nods. “Svetlana has taken over the club for now, making sure I won’t be affiliated with the sexclub, unless one of my customers decides to tell on my and out themselves at the same time. And I don’t think that will happen.”

“And you are sure you are okay with this? I hate that you have to hide…”

“Stop.” Ilya interrupts. “Do not feel bad. It is my decision. I want to protect my clients. And now that I have a celebrity boyfriend,” Shane’s body shudders by the word, but he tries to hide it, “I have to make sure the public will never know my real job. To them, I am an investment banker. Very boring job to suit my boring Canadian boyfriend.”

“Shut up.” Shane chuckles.

“It’s time.” Shane’s manager gestures for Shane and Ilya to follow her.

“Okay.” Shane shakes out his shoulders. “Showtime.” With their fingers intertwined, Shane and Ilya step out onto the stage, ready to make a statement about their relationship. Fake relationship of course, but the world will never know that.

The world didn’t crash and burn when Shane announced his sexuality publicly, but he sometimes feel like it would have been better if it did. Because now he is benched. And probably will be until he gets an opportunity to be traded. Even though it is so sweet of Ilya to make sure there’s a team that will take him, Shane hates the fact that his entire team – except Hayden of curse – has turned their backs on him. And he hates being fucking benched. Especially because that just means more time to scroll social media and see all the vile comments about him and Ilya. Which is another thing he fucking hates. That Ilya has been dragged into this too.

“I have vodka.” Ilya says as he sits down next to Shane. it’s been almost a week since their announcement, and Shane has practically been glued to Ilya’s side ever since. Desperately needing him, while being ashamed of how much he needs him.

“You know I hate that stuff.” Shane complains but takes the glass anyway.

“I know.” Ilya says. “But you will need it.”

“Why?” Shane takes a sip then makes a face. God, it’s horrible.

“Open Instagram. Go to the Centaurs page.”

“Okay…” cautiously, Shane opens the app. “Holy fuck!” He exclaims loudly when he sees the post. Troy Barret just announced his relationship with Harris on Instagram. “Wait, I thought he didn’t want to do a big announcement on his sexuality?”

“He didn’t. but he told me that seeing you go through this made his change his mind. He wants to show support. To you and every other queer hockey player.”

“Wow.” Shane is speechless. “I can’t believe he did this.”

“It is on Barrett’s personal profile too. Everyone now knows that you are not the only gay hockey player.”

“Jeez…” Shane mutters. “But, this is a good thing, right?”

“Yes.”

“Then why do I need the vodka?”

“Read the comments.”

Shane scrolls to the comment section. There are a lot of various comments about Troy possibly fucking Shane for years and that Shane was the reason Troy quit hocky. Or that Troy’s friendship to Kent imploded because Shane was fucking Troy.

“Holy shit.”

“Yes. Is not the best.”

“Poor Troy.” Shane knows that Troy must hate how everyone keeps bringing up Kent and the season Troy disappeared from hockey.

“Troy is fine. I have already talked to him. He doesn’t care. He is more concerned about you.”

“I’m fine.” Shane sighs. “Well, maybe not completely fine, but… I’ll get there.” He takes another sip. “Wait,” something suddenly occurs to him. “They can’t keep me on the bench anymore.” He stands up, starting to pace the floor, deep in thoughts. Voicing them out loud for Ilya. “Now that Troy has come out too, and Wiebe definitely won’t bench him, then my coach can’t keep me benched either without being called out for being homophobic.”

“Probably.” Ilya says.

“So, Troy maybe just helped me get back on the ice.”

“So, no trading to Ottawa?” Ilya sounds slightly disappointed, even though Shane isn’t sure why.

“Not if I can get back on the ice with Montreal.” He sits down and takes Ilya’s hand. “It’s my team. it’s always been my team.”

“I know. I just don’t like how they treat you.”

“It will be fine. Everything will go back to normal. I’m sure of it.”

And Shane really does feel like everything will work out now.

Two days later, he gets his wish. His coach calls him to inform him he will be on the ice for the next game. But he also gets a lecture on how he doesn’t want any ‘gay stuff’ in his locker-room. Shane rolls his eyes but of course agrees to it. Not that he has ever had any intention of doing anything with teammates. The fact he let Ilya fuck him in the locker-room once, isn’t something anyone will ever know.

****

“Mr. Rozanov,” A reporter stops Ilya on his way to the arena. He has been invited to come and join Wiebe at the centaur’s bench again. He loves it. He almost feels like he is an assisting coach. “I see you are wearing a centaur jersey and not a Montreal jersey.”

“Good observation skills.” Ilya mocks.

“How does your boyfriend, Shane Hollander, feel about your wavering loyalty to his team?”

“He is probably annoyed.” Ilya shrugs. “But he will not beat my friend’s team. So why would I vote for the losing team?” Ilya smirks at the camera and he can tell the reporter is trying not to laugh. “That is why I made a bet with my boyfriend.” Ilya makes sure to look directly into the camera as he calls Shane his boyfriend. “A bet I will win.”

”And the friend you mention is the Centaur coach, Brandon Wiebe?”

“Yes. Great coach. The best. And the team also have Troy Barret, and Wyatt Hayes. Some of the best players in the league. Montreal does not have a chance. Even with Shane Hollander on the ice.” Ilya looks straight into the camera. “Did you hear that, Hollander? You are not going to win our bet. Centaurs will win. And when you lose, I decide what my prize for winning will be.”

This time the reporter can’t hold back a laugh. “Thank you Mr. Rozanov. And good luck with winning your bet.”

“Thank you.” Ilya says. “I have big plans for my prize.” Ilya winks at the camera, knowing it will make Shane blush furiously. And probably distract him a bit too.

Ilya barely gets to the Ottawa locker-room before his phone rings.

“You are an asshole.” Shane complains as soon as Ilya answers.

“Hello sweetheart.” He coos.” I missed you too.”

“Fuck off.” Shane says, but he can hear the smile in his voice. “I saw your run in with the reporter.”

“Of course.” Ilya says. “I knew you would. You always watch the livestreams before games. So boring.”

“Idiot.” Shane mumbles. “They call you my chirping boyfriend.” He complains but Ilya just laughs.

“I like that.” Ilya says truthfully. He loves everything about that.

“Of course you do.” Ilya can almost picture Shane rolling his eyes. It’s clear to Ilya that Shane secretly loves it when Ilya uses the media to tease him. He just won’t admit it. “But you are going to lose that bet.”

“No,” Ilya grins. “I am not.”

“Yes, you are.” Then Ilya can hear Hayden shouting in the background.

“Nice of you to let the world know what your weird ass sexlife is like!”

“I did not clarify that the winning the bet meant sex.” Ilya responds.

“Maybe not.” Shane sighs. “But that is definitely how the media is spinning it.”

“Good.” Ilya grins. “Will make the league mad.”

“Fuck you.” Shane grumbles. “It’s your fault if I get benched again.”

Ilya knows Shane doesn’t mean it. He would never truly blame Ilya for getting benched.

“You won’t. Not with how much the fans love your coming-out story.” A lot of the fans have started supporting Shane loudly at games. And on social media. The queer community standing together to drown out the negativity. “And me.” Ilya adds. “Your fans really love me. Probably more than they live you.”

“It’s not a competition.” Shane says. “And they don’t.”

“We should make a bet on it.”

“no.” sane says sternly. “No more bets. Besides, I’ve got to go. I have a game to win.”

“Or lose.” Ilya says.

“Goodbye, Ilya.”

“Bye, my love.”

“Shut up.” Shane whispers, but Ilya knows he is blushing hard. God, he loves making Shane blush.

Shane won the bet, but Ilya secretly feels like he was the one who won anyway. Shane is always extremely horny after winning a game. And that definitely benefits Ilya. They barely make it into Ilya’s apartment before Shane is undressing Ilya.

“fuck, I want you so bad.” Shane mumbles against Ilya’s lips. “I want you to fuck me.”

“Don’t worry, sweetheart” Ilya responds. “I fucking will.”

This has become a habit of theirs. Their fake public relationship bleeding into their private non-relationship. They rarely spend time at the club anymore. Now they only fuck each other, and they do it in their apartments. And Ilya doesn’t miss the club at all. Not even a little bit. He likes his new life, and he loves how well Svetlana is taking care of the club. He is even considering selling it to her. The only thing in his life he doesn’t like is the lying. He wants their relationship to be real. He is honestly desperate for it. Loving Hollander openly in any part of his life. Public and in private, would make his life perfect. But he knows that will never happen. He is pretty sure that Shane is clinging on to the last part of their plan that involves them breaking up.

Ilya hates that part. He almost didn’t include it when he laid out his plan for Hollander those many weeks ago, but he had to. He had to give Shane an out. He knew he had to. Otherwise, Shane would never agree to the plan. Ilya just fears it. He knows his heart will break. His mother’s heart will break too. Her progress will maybe even stop, which Ilya truly hates. She has been doing so good. Even talked about wanting to come with Ilya to see one of Shane’s games. And Ilya knows that it probably never will happen, but he loves the idea of it.

He pushes the depressing thought away as Shane drops to his knees in front of Ilya, taking him into his mouth.

“da, Hollander.” He says, trying to keep his mind focused on the present and not the sad and depressing future. “Just like that. So good.”

Shane sucks Ilya’s cock for a few more minutes before Ilya hauls him to his feet, devouring his lips.

“Please fuck me.” Shane pants and Ilya grabs Shane’s ass and lift his up so he can carry him to the couch. He is going to fuck him just like he wants. And he will do it raw. He needs to feel him.

“No condom today.” Ilya says as he bends Shane over the couch. “yes?”

“Yes.” Shane agrees.

They have fucked a few times without condoms now. Since they don’t fuck anyone else anymore, they don’t really need them. And going without always makes Ilya feel like the relationship could be real. And he needs that right now. Because Ilya is slowly losing his fucking mind.

“I do not think I can keep doing this anymore.” Ilya mutters low.

Shane quickly sits up, staring at Ilya with a very confused and possibly terrified gaze. Ilya hasn’t meant to scare him, but he needs to acknowledge his feelings. He cant keep pretending that their relationship isn’t real.

“Do what?” Ilya can tell that Shane is trying so hard to stay calm and collected, but he is clearly freaking out.

Ilya sighs. He hates that he has to do this. That he has to ruin the only thing in Ilya’s life that has ever felt right. Felt perfect. But he has to tell Shane that he is in love with him. Even though he knows it means that Shane will panic and leave. Probably even ghost him.

“Pretending to be in a relationship.” Ilya says and Shane moves away. They had been cuddling on the coach for about half an hour. Shane had been resting his head against Ilya’s chest, but now he has moved far away. To the other end of the couch. Almost as if touching Ilya right now would be the worst thing in the world, and Ilya can feel his heart shattering. He knows this will hurt. It will probably break him completely, but staying silent about his feelings is getting nearly impossible.

“Okay.” Shane says slowly. “You want us to… I don’t know…” Shane waves his hand in the air. “Make a public break-up statement or something.” Shane’s voice cracks and there is nothing Ilya wants more than to pull Shane into a tight hug. But he doesn’t.

“If that is what you want.” Ilya says.

“What I want?” Shane suddenly sounds angry. “Don’t put this on me, Ilya. You are the one wants this to stop.”

“Because I cannot keep lying to myself and to you!” Ilya finds himself shouting in frustration then takes a calming breath before continuing. “I love you. And I can’t keep pretending that I don’t when I’m alone with you, and then let the world see how much I love you when we are outside, while you still think I’m pretending. It’s too hard. Too messy. I’m losing my mind here, Shane.”

“Wait.” Shane inches closer. “You love me?”

“Yes. Of course I do. I have loved you since I met you!” Ilya lets out a shaky breath. God, he has wanted to say that out loud for so fucking long.

“I…” Shane swallows, then takes Ilya’s hand. “I thought you would never be interested in me for real. I thought you wanted to break off everything.”

“No. god no, Shane. I want to be with you. For real. No more pretending.”

Shane face lights up into a beaming smile.

“I can do that.” He grins. “No more pretending.”

“No more pretending.” Ilya agrees, his heart racing.

“I can’t wait to see him on the ice.” Ilyas mother is all smiles. She has been like that all day. Ever since Ilya told her that he was taking her to Shane’s game. To his boyfriend’s game. Because he can do that now. For real. Without being scared that he is losing Shane or risking having his mother’s heart breaking. Because he knows that he and Shane are endgame. They will stay together forever. His mother will never have to forget Shane exist. Maybe she will even be able to attend their wedding one day.

It isn’t like his mother suddenly is cured. Of course not. She still forgets. She still gets confused. But she doesn’t forget the big things. Like Ilya or Shane. Or their relationship. She doesn’t even forget that Shane is a hockey player. Ilya almost believes that it might be her favorite thing in the whole world. That and the fact that Ilya now works for the Centaurs as the official assisting coach. Putting his hockey knowledge to good use. And hopefully one day, Shane will trade to Ottawa. Ilya still doesn’t like how the Montreal team treats him.

Shane is a free agent next season. Ilya is hoping Shane will be ready to sign with a different team then. And hopefully it will be the Centaurs.

“I can’t wait either.” Ilya says and squeezes his mother’s hand. “He is a beautiful skater and a great player. I love watching him.”

Irina listens closely, slowly interpreting his words. Ilya has begun speaking English to her a lot. And it’s helping. She is getting so much better.

Finally, she smiles and pulls Ilya’s face closer to kiss his cheek. “You love him so much.” She says.

Ilya nods in agreement. “I do.”

“When will you ask him to marry you?” She asks bluntly, making Ilya laugh fondly.

“Probably soon.” Ilya admits. He has been thinking about it a lot. He knows it’s early but he doesn’t want to waste any time. Especially because he is starting to believe his mothers take on Shane being his destiny. In a different world, Ilya would be a hockey player, and they would have met a lot earlier. Which means that they would probably have loved each other for years now. And he loves that idea. So much.

He knows for a fact, that he will love Shane Hollander in any alternate world, because they truly are destined to be together.

Chapter 8: Bonus chapter

Chapter Notes

Hi Guys

I’m back with a short bonus chapter. I just couldn’t let the story end like that. There was a loose thread I desperately needed to tie, so here it is. The bonus chapter that hopefully ties everything together and makes the story feel more complete.

Oh, and sorry for the lack of smut.

If you do crave something with smut – and maybe a bit of sexual tension, you should check out my WIP: Compatible.

Its an actor AU where Shane is desperately trying to ignore the feelings his costar is stirring up. (And failing miserably.)

I would absolutely love to hear your thoughts on it so far. Especially with all the love you guys have shown me while I was writing this one.

Love, Ayana

 

“I fucking hate this day!” Shane slams the door to Ilya’s car after tossing in his duffle bag. Ilya doesn’t even flinch. He knew Shane would be in a foul mood, when he would arrive. Not just because the Metros had lost the game, but because his own team had completely shut him out during the game.

“I know.” Ilya responds calmly while opening the passenger door for Shane. A small grateful look appears in Shane’s eyes as he gazes up at Ilya. “And I am sorry. They shouldn’t be treating you this way.”

Shane sighs, puts a hand on Ilya’s arm. “I love you.” He mumbles low. His anger fading slightly and Ilya leans in to kiss him. “So much.”

“I love you too.”

Shane closes his eyes and buries his face in Ilya’s neck, breathing him in before getting in the car. Ilya closes the car door and hurries to the driver’s side. Not wanting to be parted from Shane for too long now that they are finally in the same city again.

Still, nearly 4 months into their relationship, Ilya hates being separated from Shane for any amount of time. Which is another reason why he would absolutely love Shane to trade to Ottawa. That way they could be together all the time. Even on game days. And Ilya would love to be Shane’s coach. – or assisting coach at least – for a lot of reasons. One of the more intriguing reasons is being able bossing Shane around, getting him all annoyed on the ice, because that would be great fucking foreplay. Not that they need it, but it could be fun.

“I just don’t get it.” Shane sighs, pulling Ilya back to the problem at hand. “I’m not any different from when I first joined the team. The only difference is that they know now.” He runs a hand over his face in frustration. “And why does my sexuality even matter at all?” He continues.

“It doesn’t.” Ilya says as he starts to pull out of the parking spot. “But your team is unfortunately very homophobic.” Shane takes a deep shaky breath, and Ilya can tell he is more frustrated than usual. Even though this kind of thing has happened a lot during the last four months. Maybe now could be a good time to revisit the conversation about living the metros? Ilya knows that Shane hates when he mentions it, but he feels like he needs to kept trying. “You don’t have to keep up with it, you know.”

“Please don’t start again.” Shane sighs. “This is my team.”

“Do they know that?” Ilya says flatly. “Because they do need treat you like a part of the team.”

“I don’t want to argue.” Shane’s jaw tightens. “I just want to go home and go to bed.”

“I am not trying to argue.” Ilya puts a hand on Shane’s thigh and squeezes. “I just love you too much to see you be miserable.”

“I’m not miserable.”

“You are not happy either.”

*****

Shane has been fighting like hell to not shed a tear during most of the car ride back to Ilya’s house. Ilya’s words echoing in his head, tumbling around and poking to everything that has felt wrong and completely off for months. Shane should be happy. He is finally done lying and pretending. Everyone knows the truth about him. And most of the people closes to him, accepts it. He is in a committed relationship with the man he loves. A man that has bought them a house in Ottawa, even though Shane still officially lives in Montreal. But despite all of this, Shane still isn’t happy. Exactly as Ilya has pointed out, and it breaks his heart that Ilya can sense it. He doesn’t want Ilya to carry around the burden of knowing someone you love isn’t happy.

“You know I’m happy when I’m with you, right?” Shane eventually says when they turn into Ilya’s driveway.

“Yes. I know.” Ilya says, then parks the car and turns off the engine. “But I wish you could be happy in every aspect of your life.” Ilya turns to face him.

“I want to be.” Shane mutters low. “But I’m not sure I can give up on being a metro.” He pushes the tears back once more and swallows a few times to steady his breath. “I really thought they would have accepted it by now. that it wouldn’t matter anymore.”

“I know.” Ilya says, and Shane can tell he wants to remind Shane that he had predicted that they would never change their views on homosexuality. The Montreal Metros clearly believes that homosexuals shouldn’t be a part of the hocky world. Except for Hayden of course. Hayden fully accepts Shane. always have. Even JJ has come around too. He never really had a problem with Shane being gay, he just wasn’t a fan of Shane’s boyfriend working for a different team. A rivaling team.

“Maybe they just need a bit more time.” Shane ignores the way Ilya rolls his eyes. He still has hope. Not as much as he used too, but a tiny bit. “JJ just needed time.”

“And how long will you give them? Because I think you have already given them too much time.” Ilya’s voice is lathered with frustration.

“I don’t know.” Shane answers honestly.

“Shane.” Ilya takes Shane’s hand, intertwining their fingers. “You deserve to be happy. Life shouldn’t be a struggle.”

Shane nods. He knows. It’s just not that easy. Not for him. He fully believes that the Metros are the right team for him. Always have been, always will be.

“can we…” Shane takes a deep breath and continues. “can we maybe postpone this conversation? I only have a few days here before I have to go back, and I just want to be with you. Without feeling miserable.”

Ilya sighs, then nods. “Okay. We can talk about it later. Is good idea. I don’t want my mother to worry. She doesn’t know about the way the team treats you. She hasn’t noticed.”

“Good. I don’t want her to worry either.” They step out of the car and Shane grabs his bag. “How is she?” He asks when Ilya takes the bag from Shane and then interlocks their fingers again.

“She is good. I think. She enjoys living here. And the nurse I hired is good to her.”

“That’s good. I love that you brough her home. I think its good for the both of you.”

“Yes.” Ilya smiles. “It is.”

They make their way inside the house and do not get far before Irina approaches slowly to greet them. She seems a lot stronger now but still moves around carefully. She lost a lot of muscle mass during the time she didn’t really eat or drink. Or move much. But it’s clear that moving in with her son has made her regain a desire to live. And live fully.

“Shane!” she spreads her arms out, inviting Shane in for a hug and he very willingly steps into her embrace. “I have missed you so much. Almost as much as Ilya has.”

“Not possible.” Ilya’s voice is so filled with love that Shane knows he is watching them closely. Enjoying the moment as much as Shane.

“I have missed you too.” Shane says, then turns to pull Ilya into the embrace too. “Both of you.”

“It’s nice to have you home.” Irina says as she kisses his temple. “This isn’t the same without you.”

And Shane can’t stop the tears from falling down his cheeks anymore.

****

It’s been a week since Shane went back to Montreal and the house fells empty even though his mother tries to distract Ilya the best she can. They cook together, go on walks together, watch games together. And Ilya loves it. He really does. But he just can’t stop missing Shane. especially when he is so worried about him. Ilya had nearly thrown his glass at the tv last night when he had watched the Montreal game. They had fucking put him on the bench throughout most of the game. Their number one player! It is getting fucking ridiculous. And Ilya wishes he could make Shane see that.

“Honey,” Irina calls from the kitchen, “your phone is ringing.”

Ilya quickly goes to the kitchen but frowns slightly when he sees who is calling. For a second, he almost considers not answering, but decides to anyway. Afterall, it could be Shane related. He pushes the button and puts the phone to his ear.

“I’m gonna ask to get traded.” Ilya has to do a doubletake and look at the name on his phone.

“Hayden?” He asks when he is sure he saw the name right.

“Yes. Of course, it’s me. Who else would fucking call you from my phone? Idiot.” Hayden grumbles.

“Maybe one of your thousand kids.” Ilya retorts.

“One of my kids would call you to say they want to get traded? What the hell, Rozanov? What kind of world are you living in?”

Rozanov shrugs even though he knows Hayden can’t see him. “So, you want to be traded? Finally accepting that you are not good enough to be in NHL?” Ilya smirks when he hears Hayden groan loudly.

“You are a fucking asshole, Roz.” Ilya and Hayden have been chirping each other ever since they first met, but Ilya honestly really likes Hayden. And he loves the loyalty he has to Shane. Messing with him is just fun. “But no, I’m gonna try and ask to get traded to Ottawa.”

“What?” Ilya is so shocked he forgets everything about teasing Hayden. “Why Ottawa?”

“Because then maybe Shane will follow.” He sighs loudly. “I’m just at a loss, Roz. I can’t stand watching the team shut him out like that. And I can’t get through that fucking thick skull of his.”

“I know. I can’t either.” Ilya says. “You would really do that?” He asks, already knowing the answer. “For Shane?”

“Of course. He needs to go to a different team. To your team. and I think that if I leave the Metros, he might be more willing to leave too. But I don’t know if they can afford us both. Which is why I’m calling. I want your opinion on it. And please don’t be a jerk about this, because I’m being fucking serious.”

Ilya pushes back the snarky retort he had ready to go and stays serious instead. “I am not sure.” He says honestly. “But I will ask the owners.”

“Yeah. Good. And uhm…” There a short pause then Hayden clears his throat. “I’m okay with taking a pay cut, if it helps. Like, I don’t care. And I already talked to Jackie. She agrees with me. She is fully prepared for us moving to Ottawa.”

God, Ilya fucking loves Jackie. And their kids. Maybe even Hayden. Having them close by would not be the worst thing in the world.

“I will see what I can do. And thank you.” Ilya smiles at the phone. “You are not a bad guy, Pike. Just bad at hockey.”

“I fucking hate you.”

“I hate you too.” Ilya coos as if he is saying I love you instead, causing Hayden to make a vomiting sound.

“God, I think I just threw up in my mouth a little.”

Ilya laughs and hangs up, then instantly dials Wiebe’s number. He needs to consult him first. Then they can talk to the owners. But Ilya is already excited. He thinks this might be the best idea yet. And he is so fucking grateful to Hayden, which he will never tell him, of course.

****  

“You’re gonna leave me?” Shane’s voice cracks. He can’t believe what Hayden is saying. He has barely been back in Montreal for a week, and then Hayden springs this shit on him?

“No. I’m not. I would never.”

“Then what the fuck are you talking about? Getting traded to Ottawa? Like what the hell, Hayden? Are you just trying to prank me or something?” Shane really doesn’t appreciate this joke. There’s nothing funny about it at all.

“I’ve made a trading deal for us both. Only if you want to, of course. But… I really hope you do.”

“Hold up.” Shane’s mind is spinning. “Go back.”

Hayden sighs then put his hands on Shane’s shoulder forcing him to sit down and Hayden sits across from him.

“The team fucking sucks, Shane. They treat you like crap. I can’t deal with it anymore. I want to kill them half the time. And that’s not good. Especially on the ice. We need to know that we have each other backs out there. All of us. So, I talked to Rozanov and…”

“You did what?” Shane cuts him off. “You talked to Ilya about this? Behind my back?”

“Yes. Because you don’t fucking listen, Shane. To any of us. So yes, I went behind your back and talked to the boyfriend who fucking adores you. Because I had to.”

Shane’s throat closes and his mouth goes dry. Hayden and Ilya have conspired behind his back. And even though he understands their reasoning - that he knows he hasn’t been willing to listen - he still feels slightly betrayed. Or actually, he might just feel a bit sad about it.

“You could have included me in the conversation.” Shane says weakly. But he knows they couldn’t. That he wouldn’t have listened.

“No, we couldn’t.” Hayden says. “I love you man, but you are being stubborn as fuck.”

“So, you two just made decisions about my life without including me?”

“No. we made sure you had options. Nothing is set in stone. Which is what I’ve been trying to tell you. Rozanov has talked to the Centaurs owners. They want us both. As a package deal. We would both get traded to Ottawa. If you want to. But I fucking hope you do.”

“What about Jackie? The kids?”  Shane’s head is spiraling. The offer is pretty tempting. Hayden is nearly the only reason for Shane to stay in Montreal right now, so if they both were to go to Ottawa… that could be amazing. But, has Hayden even thought this through?

“Oh, Jackie has already found a house she wants. and the kids are excited about moving closer to Rozanov. They call him Uncle Ilya.” Hayden rolls his eyes, but Shane can tell it’s just an act. It’s obvious that Hayden has grown fond of Ilya. “And a queer friendly team could be really amazing for you. Especially since Troy is there too. Another gay player.”

“It would be.” Shane agrees. His heart is swelling as he considers it fully. “It would be really fucking amazing.” He says, then stands and pulls Hayden to his feet too. “Fuck it, let’s do it.” he grins.

“Yeah?” Hayden smiles widely. “You’re in?”

“I’m in.”

****

“Jesus Christ, Pike. Why do you have so much stuff?” Ilya complains as he stretches out his back a bit, after carrying the hundredth box of items inside the new Pike residence.

“Because I have kids, Rozanov.” Hayden grins, clearly enjoying Ilya’s misery. “Don’t you always tease me about the number of kids I have?”

Ilya just grumbles in response, not even having the energy to chirp him.

“Don’t listen to Ilya, Hayd. He is just annoyed because I had him move my stuff last week. And he is an old man with a bad back.” Shane smirks at Ilya, looking way too proud of himself.

“I am not old.” Ilya slaps Shane’s ass, making him jump in surprise, then laugh with a pink blush on his cheeks. “I think I have proved that every night since you moved in.”

“Shut up, Ilya.” Shane blushes even more and Ilya laughs. He has been thoroughly enjoying having Shane in his bed every night. And he is very fucking grateful that his mother insisted she moved into the large pool house when Shane moved in. He loves that they have their privacy while still having his mother close by and his mother seems to really be enjoying her own space too. The pool house has a full kitchen, bedroom, living room and bathroom, and its bigger than the room she had at the facility.

They still eat together everyday as a family, and Ilya couldn’t be happier. He has both his mother and his boyfriend close by. And now Shane has his best friend right down the street too.

“Uncle ILYA!!!” the twins scream in unison as they run towards him and jump into his arms. Ilya completely ignores his sore bac and catches both girls, then swings them around as they scream delighted.

“Well, now all the kids are together again at least.” Hayden says as Jackie walks over to them with little Arthur by her side.

“I heard that!” Ilya shouts but continues to play around with the girls.

“I meant for you to hear it!” Hayden shouts back and Shane laughs.

Ilya glances back at them and his heart fucking swells. Everything in his life is now perfect. His boyfriend is no longer in a toxic work environment; they have friends and family close by. Shane finally seems really happy, and to top it all off, Ilya has a ring waiting inside their house at this very moment. Just waiting for the right time to ask Shane. and Ilya thinks that the right time will be tonight.

Shane waves at Ilya Probably because he has just continued to stare at Shane – most likely with heart-eyes, as Hayden often accuse him of – and Ilya waves back.

Shane is the love of his life, and he is going to make sure he knows that. Tonight, and every night after that.