Rating:

Mature

Archive Warning:

No Archive Warnings Apply

Category:

M/M

Fandoms:

Game Changers | Heated Rivalry - All Media Types, Heated Rivalry (TV)

Relationships:

Shane Hollander/Ilya Rozanov, Shane Hollander & Rose Landry, Rose Landry & Ilya Rozanov, Harris Drover & Ilya Rozanov, David Hollander & Ilya Rozanov, Shane Hollander & Yuna Hollander, David Hollander & Shane Hollander & Yuna Hollander & Ilya Rozanov, Hayden Pike & Ilya Rozanov, Ottawa Centaurs Team Ensemble & Ilya Rozanov, Troy Barrett/Harris Drover

Characters:

Shane Hollander, Ilya Rozanov, Anya | Ilya Rozanov's Dog, Rose Landry, Yuna Hollander, David Hollander, Wyatt Hayes, Zane Boodram, Harris Drover, Troy Barrett, Luca Haas, Evan Dykstra, Young (Game Changers), LaPointe (Game Changers), Brandon Wiebe, Hayden Pike, Carter Vaughn, Scott Hunter (Game Changers), Nick Chouinard

Additional Tags:

Social Media, Ilya Rozanov Loves Shane Hollander, Shane Hollander Loves Ilya Rozanov, Post-Book 6: The Long Game (Game Changers), Spoilers for Book 6: The Long Game (Game Changers), Sexual Tension, Sexual Humor, Established Relationship, Married Shane Hollander/Ilya Rozanov, Domestic Fluff, Ilya Rozanov is a Menace, Married Life, Chaotic Bisexual Ilya Rozanov, Anxious Shane Hollander, Supportive Ottawa Centaurs (Game Changers), Fluff and Smut, Fluff, Shane Hollander is Obsessed With Ilya Rozanov, Ilya Rozanov is Obsessed With Shane Hollander, Look a like contest, Ginger ale but make it sexy, Crack Treated Seriously, Shane Hollander/Ilya Rozanov Relationship Timeline Reveal

Language:

English

Series:

Part 1 of Pure Meringue

Stats:

Published: 2026-04-09 Completed: 2026-05-02 Words: 41,980 Chapters: 7/7

Breaking News: We Like Each Other

Summary

In the offseason, a steamy video of Shane and Ilya dancing at a club goes viral. Already out and married for years at this point, the first husbands of hockey can't believe this is news. For once, it's Shane whose media responses blow it up even further. Ilya’s not about to let an opportunity to compete with Shane go to waste.

Or

The rivalry still hasn't died, they just find new ways to keep it going. Why choose silence when you can choose violence?

Notes

I can't believe this fandom has dragged me back into fic writing. I haven't posted anything since fanfiction.net was still the go to. We would have called this lemon content. I am ancient. Decrepit. I was next to Aslan (off camera) when the Deep Magic was written. I participated in the first Mishapocalypse. Older than even Scott Hunter.

I haven't had fun like this since I was 15.

Chapter 1: The Night It Started

@TMZ
It's getting hot in here! 🥵 See MLH All-Stars Shane Hollander and Ilya Rozanov getting hot and heavy at GAY Ottawa nightclub. Cup celebrations still happening months later? 👀

⤷@hollanovtracker
   How could they do this to me on a Thursday????

⤷@voyageursssgirl
   i still cant believe we traded the hottest man in sports 😭 i live 2 suffer

⤷@urfavbearfan
   it should’ve been meeeee 😭😭😭

⤷⤷@hollandurge
     they’re literally GAY MARRIED

⤷⤷⤷@urfavbearfan
       I am a man who is begging to third

⤷@ilyaaaasss81
   hot damn capitaine 🥵

⤷@holla24stan
   lmao why did they capitalize GAY like that? tf

⤷@ilyassecretmole
   I’d like to audition for the role of the .02cm of space between them when Shane turns around

~~~

The whole shitshow started with that stupid tweet and video.

They had been at the cottage for the summer as the off season wound down. It was movie night and they were snuggled up on the couch, Anya snoring lightly next to them. Ilya had made dinner and the two had already cleaned up so there were no lingering distractions from what was truly a terrible movie.

He had his head in Shane's lap while watching some dumb party movie Rose had done just so she could spend the summer in Greece. There was barely any plot but the lighting and club scene montages reminded Ilya of how his heart could thrum with the rhythm of a bass line. The pleasant buzz of a few shots of vodka. A sigh slipped his lips and a soft laugh came out before he knew Shane was even still awake.

“What are you thinking about?” Shane asked.

“You are awake past 9? Should I call The Athletic?” The teasing smirk lilting in his voice.

“Shut up.” Shane squeezed his arm with a fake warning. Ilya nuzzled his head into the hand playing with his hair. Anya was curled up at his feet on the other end of the couch. Her head was probably tucked deep into the couch corner, silently protesting that her parents hadn't moved the night to the bedroom so they could all be drifting off together. “Do you miss it?”

“Hmm?” His thoughts had drifted from the movie and were transitioning slowly into convincing his husband to come upstairs with him before Shane was too tired for the only thing he liked more than falling asleep in his lap. Actually, falling asleep in his lap could happen after too if he planned it right.

“Is that what you were thinking about?”

“Ah,” he thought for a second before replying, “Sometimes…I miss Russia. Going out with Sveta. Was fun.”

“I'm sorry.”

“Don't be. Would rather be with hot MLH champion husband.” He turned his head to give a kiss to Shane's thigh. A few more and he could move this night to the direction he was looking for.

“We could go.”

“To Russia? I think boat has sailed on that.”

“Ship has sailed and no, to a club.” Ilya’s head immediately turned to look up at him. He rotated and reached his hand up to Shane's forehead. “What are you--?”

“You have fever, yes? Are dying and did not want to tell me? Brain cancer?”

“Fuck off.” He pushed back Ilya's hand and sat him up off his lap. Ilya immediately leaned back into him so that their shoulders were touching again. “It was just a thought. Since you miss it.”

“Moy lyubimyy, is very kind but I know you would hate it. I do not want to make you go out.” He kissed his temple and let his hand linger on Shane's cheek. His thumb brushed slowly back and forth across freckles.

“I'm a fully grown adult and I can go out with my husband of my own volition.” His adorable angry kitten face had come out now. It only made him want to kiss him more.

“I know this. I also know you.” He started kissing down from Shane's temple to his collarbone.

“Ilya.” Ilya would have preferred other parts of his husband to be firm instead of his tone. “Pick a club. We're going tomorrow.”

“So you agree we are busy tonight?” His hand was busy playing with the hem of Shane’s shirt. Shane rolled his eyes but didn’t stop the contact.

“Shut up.” Ilya leaned in for a kiss and Shane met him half way.

It deepened as Ilya’s hand started pressing harder into Shane’s stomach, wanting to touch him everywhere all the time. He pulled him into his lap, wanting to be trapped by Shane’s hands gripping the couch on either side of his head. Shane returned it in kind, grinding his hips down onto Ilya’s.

There was barely a lazy escalation as each was more focused on taking all the pleasure they could. The sudden lift and flip Ilya did drew a gasp out of Shane. He stole one more deep, biting kiss before separating them and pressing his forehead to Shane's.

“Make me, Hollander.” And took off upstairs. In a split second Shane's brain caught up and he bolted for the stairs.

“Asshole!”

~~~

He was on facetime with Rose trying to go through every outfit his stylist had ever sent to him and still thinking none of it was appropriate for tonight. He held up a salmon linen shirt to his chest, panic so clear in his eyes that even he could recognize it in the tiny top right corner of his screen. He shrugged, trying to ask silently for the millionth time and probably third time for this shirt alone if this was passable.

“For a club-club, right? Not a yacht club?” Right, of course. He’s being dumb. Not a single extra in that movie had on a linen shirt. He’s pretty sure he did wear that shirt to beach day with Ilya this summer too.

Rose was the only person to have successfully dragged him out to a club up until this point. She should know better what to wear. He didn’t want to repeat the plain white undershirt and post-game sweatpants even if she said they’d looked great on him. Well, she said they looked good enough that she tried to sleep with him and she thought that Ilya would probably have more success.

But he wanted to look good for him. His best if he could. Ilya always looked better in paparazzi pictures. It was unquestionable. He could and did wear anything. One time he’d asked him where he got the confidence for it and Ilya had shrugged at him and said “Wear sunglasses and have cigarette in mouth. Instant hot.” He wasn’t about to take up smoking for Page Six.

“Relax, Shane.”

“Wow, why didn’t I think of that?” he grumbled.

“Ok, fair,” she laughed at him lightly. “You could literally walk out that door in parachute pants and a polkadot shirt and you’d still be going home with the hottest guy you’ll see all night.”

“I don’t know, I think Ilya would be mad if I took someone else home after we drove all the way into Ottawa.” Should he own parachute pants? Was that something most people had? Should he ask his stylist if polkadots were “in”, whatever that meant?

“You know he can’t hear your chirping if he’s not even in the room, right?” She was laughing at him. He was spiraling and she was laughing at him. All he had was a closet of Centaurs merch, Reebok sponsored athleisure wear, and these dumb fucking linen shirts he kept telling his stylist were the only thing he liked and she was laughing at him. “Why can’t you steal something from Ilya’s closet?”

“All his stuff is like, tailored. It’ll look weird on me.” He thumbed through his closet again with the phone’s camera pointed to let Rose see his somehow limited options.

“Wait stop!” He froze instantly. “Go back.” He flipped back a few hangers and then, “That, just the vest. Steal one of Ilya’s sheer shirts he keeps wearing when we hang out in LA. And go with the second pair of jeans you tried on.”

Instant relief. Thank God someone was telling him what to do directly.

“Are you sure? I won’t look--”

“Trust me, he won’t be able to keep his hands off you.” She looked at him with a chaotic joy that let him know she meant it. She would know better than him. “Wear your ring chain with it too. The ones you guys wear during games. Oh and the watch that matches it! The anniversary one.”

He could hear someone open the door to her trailer and say something about the set being ready. She looked offscreen and smiled wide while giving a thumbs up. She turned back to him and they said their quick goodbyes. He knew he’d probably text her about fifteen more thank yous before the night was over.

~~~

Ilya came back from his jog with Anya and made a beeline for the shower. Shane was freaking out in his closet and he could hear his favorite movie star on the phone with him. He would have been more than happy to help him or loan him something to wear but Shane was insistent that he wanted to surprise him. He could hear the beginning of a minor panic attack but he knew that Rose would be able to handle it. He trusted her to be able to talk his husband off whatever ledge he imagined climbing onto.

Over half his closet was always club ready. No amount of marital bliss and dog fatherhood would wipe away his slavic fuckboy roots. His DNA was probably striped with Adidas branding. Every pair of pants he owned was squattable. If it wasn’t skin tight, sheer, or silk, he didn’t need to own it. No color was too bright, no pattern too much.

He threw on the first thing that spoke to him. A tight ribbed black tank top tucked into pale burgundy leather pants with an electric blue button down he kept fully open. The shirt’s cuffs had a jet black fur accent that jutted out about two inches from his wrists. He pulled his orthodox crucifix to make sure it lay brightly outside of his shirt. He slipped on a crisp white tennis shoe, not one of the regular gym rotation pairs. For a final showy touch he got out the box that contained his most recent Cup ring and added it to his left hand.

With a few sprays of his favorite cologne, the one he brought the first year he’d made the trek to the cottage, he went downstairs to make sure Anya would have enough food and water to survive being abandoned by her fathers until the late hours of the night. As a little treat she could be allowed a secret tablespoon of peanut butter too.

“Hello my beautiful girl,” he cooed at Anya. “You will be in charge while your father and I are out being cool and hot. Do not throw any wild parties and no boys are allowed. You can stay up as late as you want. I will not tell him.”

She looked at him with the same blank love and obsession she always did. But he knew that she knew what he said. And, if he was honest, she was in charge any time Shane left the two of them alone. She licked his nose and he took that as his sign that she agreed to his terms.

“Shane! I am leaving with or without you in 10 minutes!” he called out from the kitchen. He pulled his phone out from his pocket and shot off a quick text to Rose.

Me
Have him come out naked. Is what I would like best.

Rose 🌹 📽️
it’s definitely the back up plan
be nice though!!!!
he’s trying really hard

Me
I’m always nice :((((

He grabbed the keys to the Viper and was trying to remember if he had already refueled it last time he took it out when the most beautiful man in the world came out of his bedroom.

Me
You are trying to kill me.
You are working for Detroit and this is how you sabotage for them to win?
You do not want me to go to club with my husband.

Rose 🌹 📽️
he looks good!!!

Me
You expect us to leave house when he looks like this?
Was already hottest man on planet and you do this to him?

Rose 🌹 📽️
😈

“You ready?” Shane asked. Was he ready? No. Nothing could have possibly prepared him.

He thought he would be but then the actual model he married came out wearing a sleeveless black sheer top with jeans that look like they had to be sewn onto his quads and ass from how they hugged his thighs and waist. A thick, platinum banded watch that he knew was engraved with his initials and their numbers intertwined at the clasp cuffed his left wrist. Sitting between his pecs was the wedding band that matched his. Worst of all, he let a black tuxedo vest lay over his shoulders unbuttoned and uneven. It was the special order he had worn to this summer’s MLH Awards. The black on black embroidery with occasional pops of white silk thread outlined the lily design sewn into the vest.

Jesus Christ, Hollander.

The tux had been bad enough the first time a few weeks ago. Shane had hidden it from him until they were just about to leave the hotel and it nearly made them late for the show. It was a deep plunging v that framed him deliciously. Watching him fold it at the end of the night nearly got him off from across the room.

He was supposed to drive forty minutes into town and then stay out for way too long all while Shane had the audacity to look like that? He didn’t think he wanted to let him walk to the door without it being made clear just how ready he was.

Ilya had been staring hungrily and intently at Shane from the moment he came into view that he didn’t realize how long it had been until his gorgeous man started turning red from the way he was being devoured with Ilya’s eyes alone.

He stalked to the other side of the dining room table and pulled Shane into an aggressive, all encompassing kiss. He grabbed under his ass and scooped him up so he could sit on the table to hitch his legs around Ilya’s waist. He had to fuck him immediately. His hand slipped out from under Shane and moved to the front of his pants, searching for a zipper.

But he was stopped.

“Later. We’re going out, remember?” The asshole was teasing him. He knew what he was doing and he didn’t even care how it was making his poor, desperate husband feel. He might even be enjoying it. Sadist.

“Hollnader, you are cruel.” He tried his luck by going in for another kiss but Shane dodged and rolled his hips back from him in an attempt to convince Ilya he was serious. “We will go for two minutes and drive home. Maybe will have to get hotel room in Ottawa. Drive home may be too long.”

Shane hopped down from the table and Ilya shamelessly stared at his ass the whole way to the car.

~~~

Of course Ilya had picked a gay club. Shane had never heard of it. Otters, which was a pun according to Ilya but he had no idea how. Otter like Ottawa or something? It didn’t make sense but it made Ilya smile so he nodded along as Ilya tried to animatedly explain it to him while handing off the keys to the club’s valet.

The gangly early twenty-something that took the keys looked at both of them with his jaw practically dragging next to him on the sidewalk. Ilya cracked jokes with the guy and offered to take a picture so he could prove that he met the “#1 worldwide bi icon.” He’d called Shane probably somewhere in the top 100 gay icons. All Shane could do was roll his eyes. He was such an asshole.

The starstruck valet treated Ilya’s keys like they were a glass bomb. Shane apologized and slipped him an additional 20. The guy had insisted it wasn’t necessary but it never hurt to do a little extra for a service worker. They might end up leaving the car overnight if either of them indulged more than they planned.

“Let’s go find shitty Canadian vodka and get shots.” Ilya’s smile stretched from the entrance to the bar and probably made the whole room a few shades brighter. He held a hand tight to Shane’s waist as he loudly made his announcement directly into Shane’s ear. The music was turned up high and there were always at least two people touching him as his husband led him to the bar. He had promised at lunch he would do at least two shots with Ilya before the night ended. It was the lowest he could possibly negotiate.

As they made it through the sea of people and up to a free spot at the bar, Shane could see Ilya’s eyes scan up and down the bartop. When he got a bartender’s attention he asked for eight shots of whatever he thought the best vodka was, but nothing flavored.

“I am not taking four shots and you better not be taking six in our first twenty minutes here.” Ilya leaned half way over the bar, his elbows supporting his weight as he shook his head and smiled at Shane.

“No, no. We make friends.” He pointed down the bar to an older man, maybe in his late forties or early fifties and was wearing a Centaurs shirt. He waved him over and the man eagerly joined as the glasses were being set out in front of them by the overworked staff. Next, Ilya tapped a woman with a sash turned away but standing near enough to them that he must have clocked her when they started walking up. “Ladies! Shots for bride to be and her pretty friends.”

“Oh my God, Shane Hollander?!” Shane couldn’t identify which of the bridesmaids said it. He gave a weak wave at the group generally and Ilya stepped up again as the more gregarious of the two.

“Yes and his even hotter and better at hockey husband. Do shots with us and new friend…” Ilya let the words hang so that the older man could pick them up.

“Robert.”

“Robert! World’s best Centaurs fan and close personal friend.” Ilya’s famous smirk and wink won over everyone instantly. The shots were poured and Ilya passed them out quickly. “We cheers now to soon to be Bride…”

“Bernadette.”

“Bernadette and her future spouse…”

“Jane.”

Shane nearly spilled the entirety of the shot before it had a chance to touch his lips. Ilya laughed and raised his glass.

“To Bernadette and Jane!”

He almost never drank so the burn hurt but not as it had in some of his memories. It must be a decent vodka. Probably not to Ilya’s standards, but not bad. It was good enough that Ilya immediately ordered a second round but left them on the bar this time.

“We do shots proper way now, yes? No hands.” He grabbed at Shane’s ass and pulled him close to say “I know you will be natural at it. Always so good with your mouth.” He nipped at Shane’s ear. He couldn’t tell if it was the vodka or the setting but Shane didn’t even pull away.

Normally, he wasn’t a fan of PDA but fuck it, they’d been photographed kissing multiple times during the Cup celebrations and parade. It had barely made a blip on their social media DMs, thirsty or hateful. After two years of them being married, it seemed like the public was finally getting bored of them. Thank God.

Ilya turned around and told everyone to watch him if they hadn’t done it before. He brought one shot glass to the edge of the bar and placed both his hands behind his back. Shane’s eyes stayed glued to the curve of Ilya’s back as he leaned over and took the rim of the glass between his teeth. He popped back up with the glass and threw his head back. Ilya dropped his head down and caught the glass in his hand, setting it down triumphantly on the bar.

Dear God he was hot. He was so hot that Jane might have competition for who Bernadette wanted to try to go home to tonight.

“Robert, you show these amateurs how to do it, yes?” He clapped the older man on his back and directed him up to the open bar spot. Ilya selected everyone one at a time and gave them all encouragement even if no one could make it look half as graceful as he had. He had left Shane for last and pulled him close again while Bernadette did her shot to ask “Do you want to? I can do it instead if you want to stop.”

Shane couldn’t even think how to respond, he kissed him instead. Full, open mouth and then broke away to let him see how well he could do a shot.

He wanted to show off for him. He spread his legs further than he probably needed to. He looked over his shoulder to stare down Ilya as he slid the final shot into place. When he bent down to take the shot glass into his mouth, he made sure to come up slow, arching as he flicked his head back. Glass still in his mouth, he turned around to face Ilya and grabbed his hands. He brought up his stunned husband’s hands cupped to below his chin and spit the shot glass out into them.

“Did you like that, Rozanov?” He could see a small gasp leave Ilya’s mouth. He swallowed hard and reached past him to set down the shot glass.

“It was nice meeting you all. We go dance now.” Ilya didn’t even look anywhere but Shane’s eyes. Shane had seen that feral hungry look in only two types of instances in his life. First, more commonly, anytime he was about to have sex with Ilya. Second, in the locker room after their shared Cup win.

Ilya pulled him into the pulsing, bumping crowd and threw his arms around Shane’s shoulders. Their foreheads and pelvises pressed firmly against each other as the driving beat gave them the rhythm to move. Shane didn’t think he had ever heard the song. He wouldn’t be able to tell you if there were words to it. He didn’t have any thoughts in his head that didn’t start with his husband’s name.

Songs passed by without them saying a word to each other. Eyes closed and opened. Hands switched position from waist to hips and back again. Lips met lips. Ilya managed to get the attention of a roving bartender and took shots off a tray for both of them. Shane even accepted the third drink.

He was definitely drunk after that but who cared? The preseason didn’t even start for almost another month. He could have a full night off if it meant Ilya stayed this close to him. If it meant Ilya kept looking at him like that he could.

His hands were tangled into Ilya’s curls, working their way back out again when Ilya leaned down again to kiss him. He could feel the possessive smile across his face without needing to open his eyes. The feel of Ilya’s semi-hard cock pushed against his hips. He needed him.

On instinct he turned around so that his ass ground against Ilya’s dick. He moved Ilya’s hands to the front of his jeans and continued to rock in time with the music. He could feel Ilya’s breath hot on his neck, the drag of his tongue near his jawline. He brought his arms up above his head and reached back to get the feel of those curls back under his fingertips.

“I’m going to fuck you so hard and long tonight you’ll beg me to finish.” Ilya’s voice was low, it had a desperation to it. Every syllable sounded like it took effort and focus to make it into Shane’s ear.

“When have I ever begged for you to be the one that gets to finish?” Shane didn’t let any space come between them as he spun back to press his chest firmly against his husband’s. He snaked his hand under Ilya’s tank top, counting every muscle by feel alone. Ilya’s hands were on either side of Shane’s head, tilting his mouth up and kissing him intensely until they had to come up for air.

“I’ll get the car. You get my card?” Ilya’s husky voice directed them to split up and after another deep kiss, Shane’s body let him agree.

It hadn’t even been two hours but Shane didn’t think Ilya was disappointed about that. It felt cold without Ilya’s body pressed up against his. Luckily, it didn’t take long to pay the tab. He tipped the ridiculous amount he’d seen Ilya put on a thousands checks before this one; $81.24 and headed outside to meet him.

When he got outside, Ilya was finishing up a cigarette, waiting near the valet check site for the car to pull around.

“Come here,” he said as he flicked away his cigarette butt. Normally, Shane wouldn’t let him kiss him right after smoking, but the vodka was doing wonders. It was softer now that they were outside. Back closer to the real world and more aware of the public despite the fact that the street had far fewer people in it. “Ya tebya lyublyu.”

“Ya tozhe tebya lyublyu.” Shane smiled as he looked into the eyes of the man he’d love his entire adult life. “Did you have fun?”

“I will have even more fun when I get you alone. Thank you for doing this. I know how hard it is for you.” The car pulled up and Shane felt the awareness of being perceived start creeping back. He chose to keep his hand intertwined with Ilya’s as he made a final boisterous conversation with the valet.

As they drove home, Shane could feel the buzz leave his head. He couldn’t stop staring, even after spending all night practically connected at the hip with Ilya.

“We should do that again. Maybe even invite some of the guys?”

“I would like that. During the season to be able to take you out.”

Shane smiled to himself and let his head rest back on the seat. Only twenty more minutes until they were home. They didn’t have a strict time either of them needed to be awake for tomorrow. No sponsorships or interviews, the summer camps had wrapped up a few days ago. Ilya might even be in a good enough mood to make the spinach protein breakfast shakes he was always making fun of him for.

It was a perfect night.

He had no idea what he was going to be waking up to.

Chapter 2: The Day It Got Worse

Chapter Summary

Summary

As the video of Shane and Ilya circulates further out of hockey and shipping circles, more pictures and angles come out of what was honestly a fairly tame night. Ilya worries it will send his husband into an anxiety spiral but Shane seems more annoyed by it than anything. With the preseason about to begin Shane would rather be talking about hockey, so it’s pretty irritating he’s being asked about a different kind of stickhandling.

Chapter Notes

Call me a baker the way I'm serving up sweet hot fluff. I have a full time job so chapter 3 probably won't be as quick. I'm thinking this will probably be 4 or 5 chapters. We'll see how the guiding spirits of Rachel Reid and Jacob Tierney move me. Praise be their names. In the name of the Daddy, Slutty Son, and the Horny Spirit. A+Men.

If you would have gone back in time and told teenage me that anything she wrote would have gotten even a third of the bookmarks and comments I got yesterday she would have vaporized. Thank you to everyone for being so nice!

@OttawaCentaurs

We’re back! Captain Ilya Rozanov-Hollander and Center Shane Hollander-Rozanov are in the building for the first day back from the offseason. Follow for updates on Ottawa’s own defending champions. 🏆 #BacktoWork

⤷@holl4roz
   These men are trying to kill me with those outfits again I swear

⤷@ottawacity
   Visit beautiful Ottawa and see the best hockey team in the world start their next Cup run! 🏒 #BacktoWork

⤷@davend5436
   I remember when these posts weren’t just for fangirls. Bring it back to hockey already

⤷⤷@hollanov2481
     @davend5436 No one will remember you. What a wretched way to have people think of you now.

⤷@hollanovtracker
   ilya ily but i demand to see those leather pants again pls pls pls

⤷@shaydenluv
   Where’s Shane’s ring???? 👀 Trouble already??

⤷⤷@hollanova
     @shaydenluv they wear them on necklaces during games. Been like that for years. 

⤷@bigdykstraenergy
   More like #BacktoWerk matching sunglasses, watches, and shoes?? Sheeeesh

⤷⤷@ilyaaaasss81
     @bigdykstraenergy it looks like the same watch from the club!!! You know momma Hollander had @rolex on the phone within MINUTES

⤷⤷@evandykstrahockey
     @bigdykstraenergy I need to buy your username 😂

~~~

Shane rolled over with a dry mouth, cold back, and a massive headache. Sometimes he hated being such a lightweight. Hungover after 3 drinks, seriously? Where was Ilya to kiss it and make it better? He should be getting pulled into a crushing hug and made fun of for feeling like shit. He at least wouldn't be cold laying in bed next to a human radiator.

There was a glass of water, a couple of pills, and a sticky note on his nightstand. “Either on walk with Anya or at the grocery store. Take tylenol and drink water. я тебя люблю -- ♥️ Ilya” His Russian must be getting better because he could read Ilya’s terrible handwriting with barely a glance. 

Ok fine, he wouldn't be mad at him for getting out of bed. His parents were coming over for dinner so he guessed groceries would help with that. They were basically down to yogurt and smoked salmon in the fridge.

He hoped Ilya was going with the mediterranean chicken recipe he’d made last month. They’d talked about it last night before they finally fell asleep. If he was still at the store he might be able to convince him to make the sundried tomato couscous he did to go with it. Add garlic spinach and a side salad with the homemade vinaigrette Shane always made sure they had on hand and it would be a night to remember.

Where was his phone? He didn’t see it on his nightstand when he woke up but it’s not like he was anywhere near drunk enough last night to have lost it. Maybe it was still in his jeans pocket? Ilya had picked him up and walked him to the bedroom the second he’d put in the door code. His pants were probably somewhere in their bedroom. 

He barely remembered them coming off. Ilya had been on a mission once they were alone. He wanted to live in the moment Ilya took his underwear off with his teeth while pinning him to the mattress by his hand gripping Shane’s thighs. The way Ilya always wanted to be everywhere on him was one of his favorite things. In general, he wasn’t a touchy guy but with Ilya it was different. He was the only person he wanted to be next to every second of every day.

His pants were in a crumpled heap with the rest of the laundry from last night. Ilya had probably grabbed everything this morning, knowing it would bother Shane if he woke up to clothes strewn around the bedroom. Sure enough, his phone was in front pocket.

(47) Missed Calls
(182) Text Messages
(86) Emails

That was….a lot. Even for him. Six missed calls from his mom and another from his dad. Had someone died? As if she could psychically tell that Shane had his phone back in his hands, his lockscreen lit up with “Incoming Call -- Mom”. Answering quickly, he braced for the worst.

“Sweetheart, are you ok? I know Twitter can be a lot. Is Ilya with you?” She sounded equal parts panicked and on the warpath. 

“Mom, what are you--? I don’t understand, is everything ok?”

“Don’t worry, it absolutely will be. You know how these things blow over. It’s just the topic of the day. I’ve already been in touch with Rolex and Reebok. They’re not taking issue with anything.” Taking issue? What was she talking about? “If anything, Rolex is glad you were wearing the new model. They asked if you’d be willing to see if Ilya would run an expanded partners campaign. It sounds very interesting.”

“Mom, stop. I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Have you not been online this morning?” He put her on speaker and started scrolling through the obscene amount of notifications he had this morning. His Twitter mentions were so high that he knew he shouldn’t bother with that. Instagram was a bit wild too. Missed calls from two teammates, three calls from Harris (that couldn’t be good), and one from Crowell’s office. Did Ilya post a dick pic or something? No, he would never do that. At least not again. Shane had taught him about locked folders back in 2014 after the Incident™. The team groupchat was the source of most of the texts. He’d have to take a look at that after he was done with his mom and Harris. 

“I’ve been up for like fifteen minutes. Ilya let me sleep in and he went out for a run with Anya. I haven’t even had coffee yet.”

“Ok. Ok. That’s fine. Honey, you went out with Ilya last night, yes?” Her voice was steady but in the way that he could tell she was bracing herself. It was a forced control that put pressure behind every syllable.

His stomach dropped. They hadn’t exactly been hiding and he knew there was a chance they’d get recognized. Hell, one of the bachelorette party women did recognize him. Someone had recorded them? Or posted about seeing them? He knew he should’ve stopped at two drinks like he’d told himself he was supposed to.

But wait--he didn’t do anything wrong. Neither of them had. They were two adult men in their 30s who had a few drinks and danced with each other. What the fuck? They were literally married. They’d done magazine covers and photoshoots and fucking billboard ad campaigns. They’d been the grandmarshals for Ottawa’s Pride parade last year. No actually, this was pissing him off. Wasn’t the only good part about getting outed that they didn’t have to sneak around and pretend they hated each other? 

“Ok, so what?” There was more edge to his voice that he would have liked to use with his mom. He was already pulling up Twitter to see what exactly people were saying. 

The first thing he noticed was that both of them were trending. Never a good sign during the off season. Oh fuck. Just the word “SHOTGLASS” in all caps was #3 in Canada. Please for the sake of Ilya’s ego and screentime tell him that there wasn’t a video of him doing a shot at the bar. Oh God there was a hashtag. Of course there was a fucking hashtag. Already gritting his teeth, he clicked on “#hotdamncapitaine” ready to lose his mind and the rest of the morning to cringing at whatever he was about to find.

“Shane, it’s honestly fine. There are just a few videos and pictures circulating. It’s nothing bad, really. Nothing like Ilya in 2014--”

“We agreed not to talk about that.” He did not like thinking about the fact that his parents had almost definitely seen his husband’s dick pics. The dick pics that were meant for him. At least the sexts hadn’t leaked with it. He wasn’t sure he’d be able to look them in the eyes again. He could barely look Anya in the eyes after she got into the sex toys drawer. 

“Yes, of course, but I’m only saying this is manageable.” Manageable? What about this needed to be managed? Sure, he was mildly embarrassed but it hardly needed a response. What would they even say? Yeah, I married one of the hottest men alive and I still think he’s hot. When we go home we fuck like rabbits. I once secretly bought an entire building just so I could fuck him in peace. “I’ll draft something with Harris. Something small, just to shut down some of the more salacious claims.”

“Mom, I’m not making a statement.”

“Oh honey, I know this is a little embarrassing but--”

“No--I mean, yeah, kind of but that’s not why.” He tried searching for an acceptable way to try to explain to his mother that he was sick of having to be so coy about the fact that he fucked his husband. 

Half the time the media treated them like paradoxically deviant virgins. And if it wasn’t that, they treated them like Ilya had somehow tricked Shane into the relationship or that Shane had “tamed” him out of any sexual urges just because he shared 80 posts a month about Anya. So there was a small part of him that loved how unavoidable it was that both of them were into each other. It was a marriage like any other and that meant that they liked fucking each other. But there was no way in hell he was explaining that to his mother even if she was accepting and supportive. That was a bit over the line for a parent conversation. 

He settled on something that she would probably buy. “I don’t want to give it any more oxygen. You said it yourself, these things blow over. We should just ignore it.”

“Alright, if that’s how you feel. But call Harris. He’s so bad that Troy reached out at 8AM this morning.” Shane laughed and agreed. Harris was already going to be his next call anyway.

~~~

Hot to Trot Cens Boys

Why @ Hazy
Cap making me question my marriage one pic at a time 🥵

Dick Straw
Hazy, you cannot be this weird at 6:32AM

Why @ Hazy
You haven’t been on twitter yet today, huh?

Dick Straw
Jesus Christ Cap. You and Hollzy trying to get all of Ottawa pregnant?

Big Boody Problems
Daaaaamn you guys can get it 🥵
How are there so many angles??
It’s a different video every time

What’s LaPointe
Since when does Hollzy know how to drink????

Young Dumb and Full…
Our dads are 🔥🔥🔥
Hollzy you wanna hook me up with one of those watches 👀

Baby 💛 Haasy
Should we be talking about this?

Big Boody Problems
Booooooo

Dick Straw
Boooooooooooo

Why @ Hazy
Booo Haasy

What’s LaPointe
Repent for your sins Haasy

Tricky Nicky
Where was our invite for the night out?

Dick Straw
Chouinard, you already have too much family time? We’ll all be back in 3 weeks

Tricky Nicky
No comment

Why @ Hazy
[image attached]
How much yoga does it take to bend like this?

Big Boody Problems
Hazy, that image has like 127 views, how did you even find it

Why @ Hazy
Goalie eyes 👀

Big Boody Problems
💀

Dick Straw
I can’t believe Cap got Hollzy to actually take a night off

Why @ Hazy
Night off??? You think it wasn’t cardio for hours after 😤 smh my 🐐s are not washed

Chiron’s Step-Dad
Harris is going to kill both of them
Hollzy and Roz, answer your damn phones

Baby 💛 Haasy
Guys, I really don’t think Shane and Ilya are going to like this when they check the chat

Young Dumb and Full…
Everyone start talking about only child friendly things little baby Haasy

Baby 💛 Haasy
We’re basically the same age

Young Dumb and Full…
Sorry, I don’t speak toddler

Me
I am contacting all of your real life parents

Baby 💛 Haasy
What did I do???

Me
Nothing, will be telling your parents how proud I am
*Baby 💛 Haasy ♥️ this message*

Dick Straw
You always pick favorites

Me
You make it impossible not to
*7 people 👎 this message*

Chiron’s Step-Dad
Roz, call Harris back. I can’t take it
*you 👎 this message*

Me
My plane is going into tunnel
[image attached]

Chiron’s Step-Dad
Stop sending gifs of yourself in the group chat and answer Harris’s calls!!!

~~~

Ilya was out with a slowly tiring furball of energy. They were probably a good two kilometers into the run and Anya's tiny legs were keeping up just a little less. The bigger problem now was how often the ding of a new message was interrupting the aggressive bass line of a trap song he had turned up loud enough to give himself hearing damage. It was the off season, dammit. Camp was wrapped for the summer. Yuna didn’t have anything planned for them in the final push up to coming back to the Centaurs. How many people could possibly need him?

Apparently, the answer was in the low dozens. At least for people who had his real direct phone number. He didn’t take it seriously until David called while he was just starting his return from his run.

“Hello Dad! I am with your granddaughter out for a run.” He crouched down and held the phone next to Anya’s face, trying to goad her into barking. She wasn’t cooperating and he could hear David on the other side speaking. “Sorry, can you repeat that?”

“Ilya, is Shane up yet?”

“I don’t think so. He was being very lazy this morning when I left. I am going to grocery store after to pick up dinner ingredients. Was thinking about mediterranean chicken and couscous if you think you and Yuna would like it.” Shane had mentioned it last night and it was the only thing he could think about since he woke up. Well, the only thing food related. Maybe the second thing food related.

“You still want us to come over tonight?”

“Yes?” Why wouldn’t he want them over?”

“Son, you may need to check online. Yuna tells me that there’s a lot happening. Shane may want things to be just the two of you tonight.” He picked up Anya with one hand and tucked her under his arm. He picked up the pace significantly and started hoofing it home. 

“What’s wrong? Is Shane ok?” He was fine last night. Better than fine. He’d barely been gone thirty minutes. Yuna and David were fine by the sound of it. Had something happened to Rose or Hayden? God forbid it was one of the Pike kids. What if those Montreal bastards had decided to run their mouths again?

“Everyone is ok. Don’t worry. That’s Shane and Yuna’s job. Just hurry home. I don’t think it would be good for Shane to dwell on things if he wakes up and sees before you get back.” That did nothing to keep him from worrying but if everyone was ok he’d trust David until he got back and could check it himself. “We love you both. Take whatever time you need.”

He picked up his pace again after David hung up on him and opened up twitter.

Fuck.

Shane was going to hate this. Maybe they should have waited until a road game in a city that didn’t care about hockey. He would have been happy to wait for that. But he’d also be lying if those posts didn’t do it for him. It was almost impossible to think it, but he’d definitely married up. 

Good God, he was a lucky man. He saved the video of Shane doing a shot. Helpful for if either of them ended up on IR unable to travel with the team. Oh, and that cropped still of Shane grinding back on him, his tight pants leaving absolutely nothing to the imagination? That was another save. Sure, he’d done underwear campaigns before but his face never looked like that. For all the modeling he’d done, Ilya could clock his actual face of ecstasy. Ok and another video of Shane grabbing his shirt and pulling Ilya down to crash their faces together after taking his third shot. 

Storage low? Now? At a time like this? This was important. The vast majority of pictures he had were of Anya. The ones that weren’t were of Shane at terrible angles or sleeping in weird places. Every one of them irreplaceable. He would buy external storage when he got home. It was a worthy investment.

He kept running and scrolling, pausing probably too many times until he made it home. He set down Anya and tried to open the door quietly, hoping that Shane was still asleep upstairs.

“Seriously--no I don’t want to say any--” He could hear Shane pacing in the kitchen. “I’ve already talked with my mom about it, yeah. We’re not going to make any--Harris! I’m fine. We’re both fine. It’s not that big a deal. Please don’t lean into it but we’re not going to do anything else. It’ll blow over.”

“Shane?” he called out, wanting to give him a heads up he was home. He found him in the kitchen, most of the ingredients for the world’s worst smoothie already out on the counter. He grabbed his husband from behind for a tight hug and kissed him on the cheek.

“Ilya just got home. We can call you later.” He heard Harris’s animated voice on the other end. “He’s not avoiding you. Harris! It was my idea, ok? We will talk to you later. Goodbye.” 

“I love you Harris! Tell Chiron he can do whatever he wants!” Ilya yelled to the phone as Shane hung it up. He hoped Chiron at least got his message.

“Do you want a smoothie? I can make two.” Shane was pouting but he’d deny it if Ilya said anything about it. 

“Absolutely not.” He pulled a banana off the bunch. Shane grabbed the last bit of weird unflavored protein mix from the cabinet and grabbed the blender. “So. You have been online?”

“Yes.” Curt and clipped. He was in a mood for sure. “You too?”

“On run back. David called and told me.”

“Jesus, probably the last person I want to have to talk about this with.” Ilya laughed.

“Is not first time he has seen us in private moment.” Shane’s look could have melted glass. Touchy touchy. “Ok, sorry. Are you ok?”

“I’m fine.” Liar. Ilya reached out for him again and pulled him into his chest. He held Shane close to him until he could feel the tension leave his shoulders and a sigh dropped through his lungs. “I am, really.”

“Is ok if you are not.” They’d talked about Shane’s anxiety and coping skills about a thousand different times. The same kind of conversations they’d had about Ilya’s depression. He knew he was allowed to push within reason to try to get him to open up. This seemed like an ok amount of push. Shane took in a deep breath and squeezed around Ilya’s waist. He was silent another moment before continuing the conversation.

“I think I am. I just don’t know why so many people care. I think I’m mad that it keeps being news.”

“Is my fault, I am too hot and sexy. Will always be famous for it.” That got him to laugh and shake his head on Ilya’s chest. He kissed Shane on top of his head and kept his face turned down, smelling his hair. “We don’t have to go out again. Not in Canada at least. Is ok. Was fun but--”

“It was fun. We should go again with the team like I said.” He hadn’t expected that. He’d half expected to find Shane curled up on the couch doomscrolling through every picture he could find when he got back. “I don’t want to hide us anymore. People have known for years. I’m not going back to pretending we don’t like each other.”

He never thought after their wedding that he could keep finding ways to expand his love for Shane. He’d been proven wrong many times but the way he could melt him and make his heart sing was unbelievable every time. He’d said it so simply. Like it would have been obvious. Meaning “I love you” without saying any of the words.

“If you keep saying these things I’m going to need to take a shower first.”

“Why?” Shane’s smile was obvious in his voice even with a single syllable. He gripped Ilya tighter in the already close hug.

“Shane Hollander, you are going to be the death of me.”

“It’s Shane Hollander-Rozanov. Even if the gossip rags don’t get it right.” Blyad that was it. He couldn’t even play along anymore.

“Take off your clothes.” Ilya tried to remove himself from his husband’s tight grasp. He was aware of every ache in his legs from the unexpected sprint. The roaring rush of blood leaving every part of his body but one was something he would swear up and down was a sensation he could feel. “At least your pants.”

“Are we busy this morning?” He turned his face up only enough to let their sight meet. Those gorgeous freckles, barely visible under those beautiful brown eyes, somehow looked even more kissable. He couldn’t believe he was supposed to behave himself in public when he could look at him like that at any moment. 

“You are so annoying.” He loved him. With every atom of his being he loved him. There could not be a single parallel universe where he didn’t love him. 

~~~

@OttersBarOttawa
All patrons with @shanehollander or @ilyarozanov81 jerseys get 1/2 off their first shot on 9/20 in honor of the first pre-season game! Come out and show out for our local icons! #hotdamncapitaine

⤷@ilyilya
   If it’s not a vodka shot it shouldn’t count. It’s what he’d want. 😤
   *@ilyarozanov81 & @OttersBarOttawa liked this tweet*

⤷@sadiesays81
   when are you doing the look a like contest??? I need them to judge it!!

@starvoids
Soooooo are we going to just pretend that they’re not trying to play with kink in public? Did everyone there consent???? #hotdamncapitaine

@ethicalpublicgay
[image attached]
They’re supposed to be role models. If we act like this, we’ll never win the culture war. #hotdamncapitaine

⤷@ilyesbb
   Find the nearest knife, put it upright on a chair and sit on it <3

⤷@holeander
   The bigots aren’t gonna fuck u hope this helps 🤷🏽‍♂️

@Robstevens77
I did shots with @ilyarozanov81 and @shanehollander and they were both very kind and made my entire week. As a lifelong Cens fan, it was one of the greatest interactions of my life. #hotdamncapitaine

⤷@ilyarozanov81
   We love you Robert ♥️ dm Shane for opener tickets, he is better at seats
   *@shanehollander liked this tweet* 

⤷⤷@Robstevens77
     I am already a season ticket holder but this is incredibly generous

⤷⤷⤷@ilyarozanov81
        @robstevens77 I would let you pet Anya 😭
        [image attached]

@hollanovtracker
Can we talk about this??? The spit connecting after the make out?? 🫠 I will never be the same
[image attached]

@NoRogainePod
[image attached]
This shit shouldn’t be in sports

⤷@centaurus
   This is a unique image/angle if you try to reverse search it. food 4 thought 🧐 #hotdamncapitaine

@shaydentruther
Even I have to admit that this is hot
[image attached]

⤷@shaydenizreal
   ur out of the fandom

@bernieebaby
I am the bachelorette in the #hotdamncapitaine videos. @ilyarozanov81 and @shanehollander made it the second best night I’ve had @OttersBarOttawa. Just behind meeting @janesthegame ♥️
*@shanehollander liked this tweet*

@rianselders542
[image attached]
being a valet has some perks 😎 best tippers i’ve ever had (clean car too)

~~~

It was one week out from the preseason starting. Social media had intermittently calmed down but then someone would post or repost some different angle. It was one night. There were actual problems going on in the world. The season was going to start soon. It couldn’t still be news that Shane Hollander-Rozanov wanted to fuck Ilya Rozanov-Hollander. Even the team group chat had lost interest.

So it really shouldn’t have had to be something that Harris was giving Shane a light prep for before their first team media hit of the season. Him, Ilya, and Hayes were selected as the first victims for the preseason press junket. Shane and Hayes very rarely needed anything reviewed. Ilya on the other hand.

“Ilya, i cannot stress this enough, you should just redirect to the team and how excited you are for the season to start.” Harris looked stern, but Shane knew that Ilya was the only exciting part of his job. If you were a social media manager, Ilya Rozanov was a dream for driving engagement. Effortlessly charismatic and the perfect amount of chronically online in his vocabulary. 

“Harris, I know. Will be great. Relax.” Nothing could have made Harris relax less.

“You said that last season and then called Montreal whiny little bitch babies who would never make the playoffs.”

“And they did not make playoffs.” Ilya shrugged, clearly unrepentant. “I am fortuneteller.” Shane couldn’t help but smile. He loved that asshole.

“No insulting other teams, front offices, or specific players.”

“Montreal is barely a team. They have dumbest front office in league if they think letting Shane walk was ever good idea.” Harris had his head dropped into his hands. Body language signalling total defeat. Shane knew he should side with him but he’d probably suck Ilya’s dick about all the Montreal insults later. Maybe before media got here if he could find a way for them to slip away.

“Ilya, I won’t bring Chrion around for the rest of the preseason if you fuck this up for me.” Ooh, he was bringing out the big guns. Shane turned to Ilya and saw a genuinely shocked expression slap him in the face. Good strategy Harris. He wondered if he could incorporate it into trying to get Ilya to actually separate his darks and lights before bringing down laundry.

“You are monster.”

“As long as we understand each other. Media’s already here. Shane, Wyatt, you guys are solid but same things to bear in mind. We’re defending champs so there’s going to be more reporters here than last season. Bring it back to trying for another Cup run.” Harris dismissed them from his office.

Harris was right. The press pool was definitely bigger than last season. It was probably at Voyageurs post-double Cup runs level but not quite to All Star Weekend. He walked out first, Ilya behind and Hayes in the back. When they sat down, Shane reached under the table and put his hand on Ilya’s thigh. Nothing inappropriate, just reassuring. Ilya had admitted to him once years ago that he worried his English would fail him during media questions. He’d never seemed nervous beyond their third season, but with Ilya looks could be deceiving.

Ilya had been given a short statement to read for the kick off the presser and he glided through it. It was boilerplate, mentioning the team’s accomplishments and what awards people had won both on and off ice and gave a little shoutout to the Irina Foundation at the end.

“We are opening for questions now. Thank you.” Shane gave Ilya’s thigh a little squeeze and then moved his hand to the top of the table. Out of the corner of his eye he caught a small upturn of Ilya’s mouth for a split second. A silent thank you and I love you.

“Ilya, it’s been a while since you’ve been able to hoist the Cup, are you looking to match Shane’s back to back Cups?” Boring. Safe. Easy to answer. Ilya glided through the question like getting to see his second favorite dog was on the line. 

Most of the questions took the familiar rhythm Shane had heard for the last decade in the league. There were only so many ways you could ask “do you want to win?” or “how are you going to win?” before it got so repetitive that you could turn your brain off and go on auto pilot. So the question about ten minutes in really caught him off guard.

“Rozanov, there’s been a lot of continuing chatter online about your and Hollander’s off season antics, has there been any ongoing friction in the locker room over it?” Friction? They’d come back to wolf whistles and teasing, for sure. But nothing like their wedding or the time that Ilya had come in with a massive hickey after scoring a hat trick on the Bears.

“Our names are Rozanov-Hollander and Hollander-Rozanov. Have been married for over two years now.” Non-answer. Perfectly executed. Probably Harris’s dream response. Shane noted to himself to make it worth it later. A few more questions passed without incident.

“Wyatt, bringing it back to the locker room have you noticed any distractions from having two married players so visible outside of games too?” It wasn’t even the same reporter. They’d dealt with this already. They won a fucking Cup last season. Didn’t seem to be too much of a distraction then.

“Uh, no? Cap and Hollzy are two of the best players in the league. Any team would be champing at the bit to have them. We literally won the Cup last year.” Yes! Thank you Hazy! Hayes had a look of genuine confusion. He knew that none of the guys on the team were like Montreal but it was such a stark contrast that he almost forgot it himself until these moments hit.

“But are there any concerns that with some of the recent coverage dynamics might be changing?” Holy shit, let it go.

“I have no idea what you’re even talking about.” He had to know what the woman was getting at. Hayes was a perceptive guy. Goalie eyes and all that. He’d been the first one to bring it up in the chat a couple weeks ago. 

Shane had a sneaking suspicion that Wyatt was the one who was hiding wallet sized pictures of it in his and Ilya’s gear. It was either him or Boods. He kind of hoped this didn’t stop it. He loved watching Ilya’s face light up every time he found one. He’d caught him staring at one like an idiot after practice once, playing with his cross in his mouth.

“Videos have been circulating online of a night out where Shane and Ilya can be seen being provocative and drinking.” Shane couldn’t help the eye roll and scoff. Oh no, hockey players drinking? Perish the thought. Not in their sober league. Ilya’s hand slipped down to his thigh this time to give him the silent support squeeze.

“Oh that? I mean, I’m pretty sure they’re past the drinking age.” A polite laugh rippled through the press pool. “And, like, I was at their wedding. Most of the guys on the team were. We already know they’re married.” Another laugh. Good, maybe they could move the fuck on.

Someone had noticed Shane’s irritation. “Any comments Mr. Hollander-Rozanov?” Smugness in the voice made him want to know exactly who the fuck said that.

“Nope.” He tried to glare in the general direction he thought the question came from. How the fuck were there multiple outlets asking about this bullshit? Ilya squeezed his thigh again and he remembered to drop his face into something more neutral. Bring it back to the team. Bring it back to another Cup.

“And have there been any lingering concerns about the team response by the two of you?” Let. It. Go.

“The team has--” Ilya started.

“I’m not in Montreal anymore. If I was worried about anyone’s responses on the team I wouldn’t be on it.” Fuck, that felt good. Cathartic to shit on the team he basically never talked about. But he could see Ilya grinning next to him so he knew he’d regret it later. He could hear Hayes trying to stifle back some laughs too. Oh fuck, this was probably catastrophic. The regret immediately started to hit. 

Harris was gonna kill him. He’d specifically brought up Ilya dunking on Montreal last year. 

“Being decent people means you can win Cups. Being Montreal means you get losing record. Very much looking forward to playing them and Toronto. Will be repeat of last year.” Shane could hear Ilya blow a kiss and knew he must have winked at the cameras. He had to put a hand up to cover his mouth to try to hide the smile. He knew his shoulders shaking wouldn’t do much for hiding the laughs he couldn’t stop.

Harris closed the session. The anxiety started clawing its way up Shane's throat. He could already imagine the mini-lecture his mom was going to give him. What if sponsors pulled out? His entire image was built around being in control. The second they were out of camera and microphone range Ilya leaned to whisper in his ear. Hopefully Wyatt wouldn't be paying any attention on the way back to the locker room. "Leave early or find bathroom?" Anxiety gone.

"Bathroom." Fuck, he was lucky.

Chapter 3: The Afternoon It Escalated

Chapter Summary

The boys have a new form of public foreplay; trying to get more traction than the other on social media. Normally, Ilya would have the upper hand with years more of shit stirring experience. But the internet is shocked by the sheer audacity and cracks at the image they’ve built up for Shane that it barely takes anything for Canada’s Golden Boy to break records. Ilya won’t take it lying down.

Chapter Notes

We're back to smutty. I finished this earlier than anticipated because Wisconsin decided to have tornado sirens go off at 1:30AM and didn't even have the courtesy to kill me with property damage. I guess writing this while sleep deprived and unable to fall asleep is better than dying by natural disaster.

@ESPN
Sparks fly at @OttawaCentaurs first press conference of the season. WATCH as Center Shane Hollander defends lewd display with husband and Captain Ilya Rozanov while issuing a challenge to his former team @MontrealVoyageurs. 

⤷@censsational
  “lewd display”???? The married couple danced and kissed???? In public????

⤷@hockeyfailz
  Homophobia is always a fail

⤷@ilyaaaasss81
  Get their asses Roz! 👏

⤷@hollanderfreckles24
  backing up your husband against delusional reporters is the real #hotdamncapitaine

⤷@puckornothin
  Why are they wasting their time calling out MTL and TOR? Those teams are ass. Focus San Fransisco 

@popbase
MLH Stars Shane Hollander-Rozanov and Ilya Rozanov-Hollander call out reporters at team’s first media day back

⤷@hollanderupdatesofficial
  Not POPBASE 💀💀💀

⤷@delacruzgirly
  Why are their names like that, are they step brothers or something?

⤷⤷@rozanderreal
      Girly, watch the clip. It will be illuminating

⤷⤷⤷@delacruzgirly
        I had no idea love is love 🏳️‍🌈

⤷@savedbyseven
  How is this how I find out the best MLH players are hot and married to each other????

⤷⤷@hollzyhive
      Did you live under a rock for the last month??

⤷⤷⤷@savedbyseven
        No Egypt 😳

⤷⤷⤷⤷@hollzyhive
          Oh damn, I’m gonna change ur life. Search #hotdamncapitaine

~~~

ESPN? Seriously? They’d just done interviews and given comments about the cup run a couple months ago. They didn't get it right then but had apologized to their reps and said they'd issue a correction in the follow up. Ilya’s was an exclusive with the Captain of the perennial basement dwelling Centaurs. He’d been told it did great numbers online. They couldn’t even get their fucking names right when it was in the goddamn clip they posted? Was it one of their reporters that had been an asshole during that press conference?

Shane could feel Ilya’s feet pressing back harder against his. A sign he could tell that Shane was upset over something. “What is wrong, moy lyubimyy?”

“It’s nothing.” Ilya gave him an exaggerated look over his own phone. “ESPN is posting parts of the press conference and being dicks about it. Not even using our full names.”

“They are media. Always dicks.” He set his phone down, focusing on Shane. “That is not all, is it?”

“No.” Ilya let him take the time he wanted to put what he was feeling into words. “I think I’m angry about how much this is bothering me.”

“Do you want me to try to help?” Shane could think of many suggestions Ilya could have for helping. On any other day, he’d take him up on all of them. Actually, watching the rise and fall of his husband’s chest made him briefly consider this to be any other day. Why was he always lounging around without a shirt? He knew how distracting that was. “Shane?” Oh fuck, was he staring again? Judging from Ilya’s bemused smile, that’s almost definitely what he was doing.

“Later, probably.” Ilya raised his eyebrows and leaned in. Fuck, probably not that much later if he was being honest. “No, seriously. I want to post something.”

“Ok, should we call Yuna or Harris?” 

“Definitely not.” That piqued his husband’s interest. Ilya pushed himself up and swung his legs behind himself so that he could crawl up the couch to slowly hover over Shane. Shane shifted to give Ilya easier access and spread his legs so he could fit snugly between them. 

“Mr. Safe Public Image not wanting to work with management?” His face was so close he could practically feel Ilya's lips pull up to a smile.

“Shut up.” Ilya leaned down to kiss him. Nothing needy or hard. A tender kiss that could almost be described as chaste in how loving it was. It was one of their checkins. Better than the psychic eye contact everyone who knew them well always complained about. Ilya had most of his weight on one arm propping himself up. Shane reached around his husband’s back and carefully pulled him down closer, loving the feel of Ilya’s weight on him. 

Ilya pulled back from their makeout to ask, “What do you want to post that you don’t want Yuna or Harris knowing about?”

Shane laughed lightly and it turned into a moan as Ilya started kissing his neck. He found his pulse point as Shane slipped his fingers down to Ilya’s pants and felt underneath to his ass. Wait, no boxers? That asshole had had a plan for the afternoon all along. Too late to not give in now.

“Right now all I want to think about is making you say my full name so loud no one in a ten kilometer radius forgets it.” Ilya’s hips dropped to make contact with his own. They pinned him to the couch and Ilya’s kisses moved up and down from below Shane’s ear and down to his collarbone. He could spend all day like this.

“Post that.”

“I’m not gonna post that, Ilya,” Shane huffed. He knew Ilya was only saying it to tease him, but he wasn’t in the mood for that specific type of teasing when he was already getting so worked up.

“No, correct our names. Teach stupid ESPN.They should learn them.” If they weren’t already about to have sex, Shane would be making plans for the bedroom. He could convince himself to post that. It would probably result in a few emails and calls but it wasn’t that bad. He’d basically never called anyone out on it. They had done custom pride jerseys with their full names, and modified their regular game jerseys with "Hollander-R." and "Rozanov-H." but only casually went by just their first last names around close friends, family, and each other. ESPN was decidedly in none of those categories.

“I probably shouldn’t.”

“I will if you don’t. Will be fun.”

“Ilya,” he said with a fake stern tone. They both knew he didn’t mean the admonishment.

“Shane.” Ilya stared into his eyes playfully. Shane leaned up to kiss him again, but Ilya pulled back, a wicked grin on his face. “You don’t think I will? I have posted much worse before. Could even tag reporter and Crowell.”

“Don’t do that.” He meant it a little more this time. Tagging Crowell would definitely get them called to New York. He was probably already on thin ice for never calling him back after that night out a few weeks ago. He’d let his mom handle it with an email he wasn’t even included in.

“How about this, you post correction and I post correction. I don’t tag Crowell if you go first and make it good enough that more people see.” He could see a competitive fire starting in Ilya’s eyes. Being on the same team now meant they’d had to invent their own, non-destructive to their relationship, ways to keep the rivalry up. Most board games were banned at home. Cards games on Centaurs road trips were limited to only one of them participating at a time, but Ilya couldn’t play poker because he kept trying to convince the rookies Russia had different rules. Ilya hadn't fallen for his "who can fold laundry the best" game, claiming he liked watching him do it. That probably wasn't a lie, he had caught him staring. A lot.

“That’s all I get if I win?” He bucked his hips up into Ilya’s, hoping to sweeten the pot.

“Very naughty Mr. Hollander-Rozanov. You are going to make me think you only married me for one reason.” He’d be lying if it wasn’t one of the million and a half reasons. He’d heard for years from teammates about their sex lives and all the ups and downs. Even now when he could openly make jokes in the locker rooms about it or vent if he wanted to, he couldn’t think of any complaints. There wasn’t a single moment he didn’t want to be tangled up with Ilya. Every day felt like that first cottage vacation.

“Yeah, the tax benefits.” He pulled Ilya’s mouth back down to his. He started groping Ilya in earnest now. Hands sliding over every part of his body he could get access to. He ground his hips up in steady circles, knowing that it wouldn’t be long until Ilya wouldn’t want to hold back any longer.

“Shane, you hurt me,” Ilya whined. “My very mean husband cares about tax filings and not his hot and sexy husband’s incredible dick.”

“You’re such an asshole.” Shane pushed him back up, laughing and probably making the most pathetic heart eyes at Ilya. Ilya pouted and acted even more gravely wounded by the vicious mockery.

“Shaaaaaaane. You are bullying me. And I have done nothing wrong whole life.” Shane climbed into Ilya’s lap shaking his head and cupping his face. He kissed him gently, slow, and with a purpose. Even without the urgency or heavy need, Shane didn’t pull back until Ilya had to gasp for air. He loved how Ilya’s face always moved forward as he pulled away, like he would never have enough of him. “I love you.”

“I love you too.” Shane stared into gorgeous green eyes. They practically sparkled in the light refracting from the floor to ceiling windows behind him. A man who had asked so little of him comparatively. He should give in. It wasn't like he didn't want to do it anyway. “I’m gonna post it.”

“Da?” The playful heat bloomed over Ilya’s face again. “Show me.”

Shane extricated himself from Ilya and grabbed his discarded phone from the couch. He took a couple of screenshots, typed out a message, and posted it before he could talk himself out of it. He turned his phone to Ilya and after a quick glance and read Ilya took the phone out of his hands and tossed it.

He pulled Shane back onto his lap and stood up so he didn’t have to stop kissing him as they walked, a little wobbly, to the bedroom. They definitely had afternoon plans.

~~~

@shanehollander
[2 images attached]
@ESPN it’s disappointing to learn you have such low journalistic standards. Maybe learn from @popbase? My husband and I have a combined 6 Stanley Cups, 2 MVPs, 3 Conn Smythes, a Rookie of the Year, 21 All-Star appearances, are 6 time points leaders, and were the #1 and #2 picks in our draft class but you still can’t get our names right even when they’re in the clip you post. #sayitfully

⤷@hollzydaisy
  living for Shane’s villain arc 😈 #sayitfully

⤷@ilyassecretmole
  It’s like you finally remembered the second part of your last name. #sayitfully It’s beautiful 😭😭😭😭😭

⤷@hollanova
  I used to pray for days like these #sayitfully

⤷@lapointehockey
  That’s my dads!! 💛 #sayitfully
  *@ilyarozanov81 liked this tweet*

⤷@cliff_marlow
  I’m not going to be doing any @ESPN press until they learn the name of my former cap and his husband. I had to stand for the entirety of their wedding but I’m not standing for this. #sayitfully

⤷⤷@ScottHunterReal
      I will also refuse @ESPN questions until this is fixed. Erasing queer couples has no place in hockey, sports, nor anywhere. #sayitfully (I am also not letting the chairs thing go)

⤷⤷@haydenpike35
      No comments until @ESPN learns to #sayitfully

⤷⤷@ZaneBoodram
    @ESPN is on black out for me until they #sayitfully 🫡

⤷⤷@GoalieWyattHayes
    Willing to confirm details about #weddingchairgate to @popbase but not @ESPN because they don’t know how to #sayitfully

@ilyarozanov81
Sorry, was supposed to be posting sooner but was distracted by second best hockey player in MLH and @calvinklein model Shane Hollander-Rozanov. 😘 @ESPN English is my second language but I can teach it to you if you need help writing down words in your own videos. #sayitfully

⤷@holly24ever
  My name’s Ilya Rozanov-Hollander and when I’m not dominating the MLH, playing with my adorable dog, driving my sports car collection, or hanging out with @roselandry I’d like to remind you I’m banging the only man hotter than me in sports. Girl, fuck you. #sayitfully
*@ilyarozanov81 liked this tweet*

⤷⤷@ilyarozanov81
      even my haters can #sayitfully 😎🥹😚

@ilyarozanov81
@popbase I have always loved you. You are my #1 trusted news source 😍

@popbase
29 MLH players so far declare media blackout against @ESPN for alleged homophobia in reporting on All Stars Shane Hollander-Rozanov and Ilya Rozanov-Hollander

⤷@ilyarozanov81
  “alleged” ok. maybe #2 source behind @pablotorre

⤷⤷@pablotorre
      …thank you?

⤷⤷⤷@ilyarozanov81
        have me on podcast 🥺 I want to find things out 🤯

~~~

It was probably cheating that he had started tweeting so much but Shane had cheated first. First, he made a post so un-Shane that it was always going to get attention. Second, he managed to get at least one player on most MLH teams to announce a boycott on ESPN reporting. Third, he distracted him with a blowjob so intense he was always going to need a nap afterwards and made him late to get his own statement out. It was diabolical if he thought about it. Not even Ilya’s typically thirst-troll tweet combo was able to beat Shane’s out of character call out. 

ESPN’s later deletion of the offending tweet and rushed repost with a name correction and no tags blew things into the stratosphere. Even Ilya knew the only thing worse than doing nothing was doing something half-assed when it came to the internet.  A corporate apology wouldn’t have been weird for a large corporation but people smelled blood in the water from the route they’d taken. Queer athletes in other sports took notice and retweeted Shane’s post. Ilya knew he was cooked when he saw an F1 driver like Shane’s post on day two. 

By the time Rose and half her X-Squad co-stars promoted it, he was already thinking about the punishment. When The Athletic reached out to them on day three he conceded defeat. Round one went to Shane.

He’d have to do grocery shopping for the next month, join Shane for yoga on Saturday mornings, and agree to a surprise of Shane’s choice for their first road trip of the season. The last part wasn’t so bad. He probably wouldn’t have needed the bet to agree to it anyway. But he was determined not to lose round two. He had an idea for the winter break that he was pretty sure Shane would also agree to if he suggested it but he wanted a guarantee.

He had a dastardly plan. The kind of plan usually made by someone with a top hat, twirly mustache, and a proclivity for tying women to train tracks. He’d spent the last three days slowly having it dawn on him that he’d have to wage a counteroffensive. He was a hockey genius, strategy was something he could do.

“Shane!” His husband was in the shower, starting his pre-game routine for their first preseason game later that day. “I’m going early because Harris wants to pretend to be mad at me before the game. I think I take captain photos too.”

“Ok, see you over there. Love you bye!”

“I love you.” It was good he heard it already today because he was pretty sure he was going to be hearing “I hate you” for the rest of the game and well into the evening.

He made sure to get to the rink before anyone else. He needed the element of surprise and he didn’t trust his teammates not to warn Shane in advance. They all knew he was mic’d up tonight. It was perfect timing. Once he got dressed, he went to set up part two of his grand scheme.

“Knock, knock,” he vocalized it while getting Harris’s attention. It was something he'd picked up from David at some point. He was holed up in too dark of an office for editing last season highlights for instagram and tiktok. With the first game happening tonight he knew he’d be here early to put the finishing touches on a few posts to try to drive last minute ticket sales.

“Hey Ilya, what’s up?” Harris was in a threadbare hoodie he suspected had been sequestered from Troy. He looked at Ilya with so much sincerity and kindness that it almost made him regret what he was going to do.

“I came early to apologize for last couple of weeks. I know we have talked on phone but I am sorry.” Harris looked touched. His shoulders sagged a bit and a half smile sat on his face.

“Oh Ilya,” comfort seeping into every word, “it’s honestly ok. You and Shane weren’t wrong about the ESPN stuff. Give me a little heads up next time and I can probably get a montage of them doing it and post it to the team’s socials next time. I’m here to work with you guys. You know I love you guys.”

“We love you too Harris. You are number two dog parent behind me.” Harris shook his head at the compliment. “Also, I might be making request for tonight.”

“Oh god,” it was quiet and probably involuntary from the way it sounded like it slipped out.

“Is nothing bad. I want to make sure you have cameras on bench tonight too. I know they are usually far away but I think tonight might be fun night for focus. Will get many good clips. I do not want to deprive my adoring fans.”

“Ilya. I need you to tell me what you’re planning”

“Do not worry.” Ilya shrugged in the doorway and turned to leave. He wasn’t sure he would be able to keep a straight face and knew that Harris would listen to his not so subtle suggestion. At the end of the day he was good at his job. If someone as insane as Ilya Rozanov-Hollander gave you heads up about chaos, you made sure that there was a camera on it.

“There is no one I trust less with that than you.”

“I love you Harris!” 

~~~

“I’m mic’d up tonight so don’t say anything that’ll scar the sound crew.” Ilya smiled and played with the orthodox cross in his mouth, winking at Shane. They’d already talked about it this morning and Ilya had promised he’d be on his very best behavior but somehow Shane thought he could use a reminder.

“Hollander, I am always on my best behavior for you. I made promise this morning after--” Shane’s hand quickly covered Ilya’s mouth; slight look of panic already coming over him. Ilya could see the start of blush starting at Shane’s ears.

“I’m already mic’d. This is why I gave you the reminder.” Ilya licked his hand and Shane reached back like his tongue was made of hot lead. “Gross. Now I’ve gotta go wash my hands.”

Shane left to go fix his minor problem. When he got back Ilya was mid pre-game hype speech. He could watch him do these all day, every day, for the rest of his life. There was something so hot about how Ilya could work a crowd. They were always off the cuff. Exactly what everyone needed to get in the right headspace for a game.

“And when sad west coast boys are crying into their hands waiting for red eye flight I want each and everyone one of you out with Shane and me celebrating our win! Win tonight and first round is on us. Score tonight and your drinks are free! Let’s go fucking kill Edmonton!”

It was the preseason, meaning tonight would be mostly for testing out some of the lower lines or trying out weird configurations to see what would click in case of injuries. Shane wanted to put a good show on for the fans but he guessed he probably wouldn’t see much ice time. They’d mic’d Holmberg too in anticipation that one or the other would probably see modified time. 

“Hey,” Troy skated up to him during warm ups. “Harris wanted me to ask if you know what Ilya’s planning?” What Ilya’s pl--oh fuck they’d renewed their bet last night. He was not about to let Ilya get out of morning yoga.

“Absolutely not but knowing him it’s probably something insane. He’s a fucking menace.”

“You love that about him.”

“Regrettably.” Troy pushed at his shoulder and shook his head, completely unconvinced by Shane’s protests.

As he’d anticipated, it was a calm game. They went up 1-0 early in the first period. It was a clean pass from Troy to Ilya that sunk in the bottom left corner of the net. Wiebe was choosing to keep things similar to a normal game to knock off the rust and give the fans something to get excited about. He let the team know during the first intermission that they’d keep it going for the second period as well but that the third would be the experimental start of the preseason. 

Ilya hadn’t done anything out of the ordinary. He was playing focused but loose. His interactions with Shane on the bench had been no more flirty than he always was with anybody. It was making him nervous. Ilya must have been able to feel some of the anxiety coming off of him because he reached for his hand as they sat next to each other waiting for the second period to start. He leaned over to give him a kiss on the cheek and pressed their heads together. Shane smiled and felt the tension leave him. 

He wouldn’t do anything Shane would be uncomfortable with. Ilya loved and respected him. He wanted the best for him. He knew that deep in his soul and at the forefront of his mind. 

And then the first power play of the game happened. Highsticking by one of the Edmonton rookie defensemen. It was just a minor. Two minutes lit up on the kill timer as the rookie was guided to the penalty box, fans booing loud.

The usual line of Shane, Ilya, Troy, Luca, and Bood switched in for probably the last time until the regular season started. Ilya took the first faceoff, Shane playing winger this go around. He was close enough he could hear the chirping coming from David Drapeau; younger brother of his old Voyageurs teammate. He’d been called up from the minors this season.

“Surprised you had Shane’s dick out of your mouth long enough to try to shit talk Montreal this year.”

“Oh? You are as interested in how I suck cock as your brother? Your wife needs tips too? I tell yours what I told his, is much more fun when there’s more than two inches.” Ilya would have won the faceoff anyway but Drapeau minor dropped his gloves before the puck hit the ice. Shane slid back, letting them get the space Ilya would want to go to work.

Given the size and age difference, it was an interesting choice. Shane had to admire the audacity even if he questioned the decision making. Ilya probably had a good 5 or 6 inches on the guy and at least 45lbs. He’d definitely mellowed out over the last few years when it came to fights but he was still Ilya fucking Rozanov at the end of the day.

By the second punch, Drapeau didn’t know what hit him. Mostly because the first punch hit like a freight train and almost definitely gave him a concussion so strong his brother felt hundreds of kilometers away. The linesmen were already looking to separate things by the fourth hit. Drapeau’s arms were wildly flailing, jersey halfway over his head. Ilya got in one final brutal uppercut that Shane heard a crunch from, probably either a cheekbone or nose. He hoped it wasn’t Ilya’s hand. He had plans for that hand later.

Ilya started drifting towards the penalty box. His chest was heaving from the fight, sweat dripping off his brow. A cocky smile from an easily bested opponent plastered on his face. He lifted his jersey to wipe the perspiration from his face and--

Jesus fucking Christ.

Fuuuuuuuck him.

Ilya wasn’t wearing a compression shirt or rashguard. 

There were Ilya Rozanov-Hollander’s abs skating right towards him. After wiping his face down, he winked--winked--at Shane and blew him a kiss. His mouth went dry and he could feel his head swivel to follow his husband to the penalty box.

He didn’t know how long he got caught staring but it was enough time for Troy to skate up to him as Ilya sat down, egging on the Ottawa home crowd. 

“Down boy. You’re up next for the face off.”

“Shut up.” He’d have to find a way to get him back for that. Unfortunately, his brain was temporarily rebooting. Even from across the ice he could hear his team celebrating and laughing at their captain’s antics. Oh fuck everything, they’d definitely seen his reaction. He was going to have to put a dollar in the flirting jar when they went in for the second intermission. Ilya should have to put in twenty. 

He was sure that the opposing center probably said something to him but he was busy thinking about other things. Luckily, the back up sucked and he won the face off easily. He tore up the middle past the blue line like he was the only person on the ice. He took a powerful shot faster than the goalie could even realize he should be reacting and the siren sounded.

He eschewed his typical celebration to skate directly to the penalty box. Ilya couldn’t have looked any more smug if he tried. His smile spread ear to ear as Shane pointed directly at him and yelled “Fuck you!” in hopes he could hear it through the glass. Ilya only gave him an exaggerated shrug, doing the worst acting job possible to feign ignorance.

He skated back to the bench for the line change. Immediately he felt five different hands all clapping him on the back but he knew it wasn’t from the goal. Teasing laughs and little comments all came at him at once. He looked over his shoulder to Coach Wiebe asking for a little support. Instead he was betrayed even further.

“Maybe we bring that back out for motivation after the all-star break?” He had no allies on this team. They were all on his husband’s side and he would never forgive them for it.

“Fuck every single one of you.” The words had the edge of a sphere to them. He was chewing on his mouthguard, completely incapable of hiding the mildly embarrassed smile. LaPointe could not stop laughing next to him. He couldn’t help the chuckle that rose out from him. 

At the end of the five minute major, Ilya skated back to the bench and took a seat behind Shane. He leaned forward so he could harass his husband further.

“I think I forgot my shirt at home. Did I forget to text you to bring one?”

“I’m never gonna forgive you.”

“Is not what your eyes were saying.” Immediately deflected.

“I’m divorcing you and taking Anya with me.”

“Impossible, she would miss me too much. I know my daughter.” Another perfect parry.

“I hate you.”

“You said that in public for years. Still asked me to marry you in private. We will see when we get home.” Shane realized he had to quit while he was behind. Ilya was not someone to get into a verbal match with. Even in a second language he was unparalleled. God, he was infuriating. Why wasn't this game over already? The definitely had evening plans.

The second intermission was a blessing. He was pretending to be mad at Ilya so he sat with Hayes and Boodram while Ilya pouted the whole time. Wiebe let them know that both of them, Hayes, and Barrett were done for the rest of the game. They’d gotten the rust off and it was time for some others to get minutes. Fine by him but he knew it meant he’d be sitting next to his personal tormentor for the final period. 

He took a seat next to Ilya and got comfy. Ilya had to know he wasn’t actually mad but he was kind enough to give him a break since he was mic’d up. He didn’t say anything until Shane spoke to him first.

“I’m never living this down, am I?”

“I am sorry I’m so hot. I promise to get fat and bald in retirement.”

“This doesn’t change anything. You still lost. You’re doing grocery shopping for the next month.”

“Ok but we’re eating Russian for next month then.”

“We’re not doing that pickled herring thing again. I don’t think you made it right.”

“I will negotiate. Vote with me to ban Dykstra from the aux cord next time. I know you’re only voting with him to piss me off.”

“No comment, Mr. Rozanov-Hollander.” He wasn’t about to give up his nuclear option. This was one of the few bargaining chips he had to hold over his head for late in the season when they did something that actually pissed the other off. He needed this. Giving it up in the preseason was unimaginable.

“We’re having selyodka every night.” He wouldn’t. 

Right?

~~~

@OttawaCentaurs
Welcome back to hockey Cens fans! Tonight Center Shane Hollander and Defenseman Garret Holmberg were Mic’d Up🎙️🎤 to kick off the preseason! Listen in on all the chirps and excitement of Centaurs hockey. 🏒
[Video Length 9:41]

⤷@ilyaronzanov81
  @drover.harris I could kiss you on the mouth for this

⤷⤷@drover.harris
      Flattering but I’m spoken for 😇

⤷@hollanovupdates
  Shane: My husband is a menace
  Ilya: Spends entire game proving him right

⤷@ilyassecretmole
  [image]
  How did they hide this for so fucking long? 💀 Was there a worldwide gas leak that we just started recovering from

⤷⤷@hollanderfreckles24
     I fear we may all be stupid

⤷@Censsational
   Did I hear @nickchouinard screaming “Diva Down!” from the bench when Hollander-Rozanov’s neck fucking snapped to check out his husband???

⤷⤷@ilyesbb
    That and Barrett’s “down boy” are about to rotate as my ringtone 😂😂😂
    *@barrettplayshockey liked this tweet*

⤷⤷@puckprobz
    I want a transcript of just the bench reacting
    *@evandykstra and @GoalieWyattHayes liked this tweet*

⤷@hollndaised
   @drover.harris the choice to split screen in slowmo show Ilya pulling his jersey up was inspired 🫡 you have my fealty

⤷@shane24ever
  There’s down bad, there’s down fatal, there’s down cosmic, and then there’s down whatever tf Shane Hollander-Rozanov is for Ilya Rozanov-Hollander

⤷@hollanovtruth
   [image]
   GIRL GET UP 💀💀💀

⤷⤷@holl4roz
      Have you seen his man?

⤷⤷@ilyaaaasss81
      I fear he is down where he wants to be 😨

⤷@hollanderupdatesofficial
   Was that a Shane proposal reveal?? I don’t think they’ve ever said who asked in public

⤷@hollanov2481
   “You said that in public for years. Still asked me to marry you in private.”
   At what point do we all admit that the rivalry was foreplay #freak4freak

⤷⤷@bigdykstraenergy
     It sounds like they compete for chores?? I think the rivalry still exists

⤷⤷⤷@ilyarozanov81
        Of course and @shanehollander is still losing 😘

⤷@jensays2481
   Every day I wake up and pray a love like this will find me

⤷@shanehollander
   @ilyarozanov81 @drover.harris count your days
   *@ilyarozanov81 liked this tweet*

⤷⤷@harris.drover
      We are micing you up every game

Chapter End Notes

Inspired by 6x NHL All-Star Tyler Seguin who can't stop "forgetting" his compression shirts to games and is also an online menace. As a treat to yourself I highly recommend looking up some pictures.

Chapter 4: The Months It Blew Up

Chapter Summary

Realizing they’ll need rules for their bet, the boys make a list of do’s and don’ts. Shane fights back in the public war of flirting with the help of some friends. Ilya ups the ante while on a road trip during New York Admirals Pride Night. The internet explodes as the boys add more challenges to each other.

Chapter Notes

Can't believe my full time job is distracting me from my side hobby of smut writing. So rude.

I've got a plan for the ending and it's in sight. This has been so much fun and the comments have been amazing. I will definitely continue my HR obsession. I'll probably do a few one shots while I write another multi-chapter fic that will be wildly different from this one. Not angst by any means but if you're looking for the exact same type of thing, it'll be more likely in the one shots.

<3 Thank every single one of you for reading this.

@ilyarozanov81
I have made a severe and continuous lapse in my judgement. I have been told by my management that I can no longer be thirsty on main even for my husband. I hope you will give my family (Anya) privacy in this time. Thank you.

⤷@shanehollander
    This is not even close to the statement we talked about.

⤷⤷@ilyarozanov81
      God forbid a white boy catches a vibe

@OttawaCentaurs
You asked and we delivered! Watch the Centaurs bench in full react to Captain Ilya Rozanov’s fight vs. David Drapeau and skate to the penalty box.
[video length 1:48]

⤷@hollanova
  I’ve typed a transcript
  [Image]

[Image of Transcript]

Young: Is he gonna--?
Holmberg: This kid’s about to die.
Dykstra: F*ck yeah Cap, way to get in there!
Dillon: OOOOHHHhh he’s not gonna get up.
Young: Jesus Christ, Cap.
Chouinard: Tooth?
Holmberg: Called it.
Dillon: Let him keep going.
Young: Linesmen are cowards!
Dykstra: Oh my god--
Young: HOLLZY!
Chouinard: Diva down!
Holmberg: Girl get up!
Dykstra: Thirsty ahh
Dillon: Barrett, save ‘em!
*laughter covering up other things, I probably missed something*
Holmberg: Greatest day of my life.
Young: He def did that on purpose, right?
Holmberg: Of course he did. We’re lucky Hollzy wasn’t moving. Dude would have gone over the boards.
Dillon: Someone clean up the drool before I go back out there.
Chouinard: We’ve gotta fine ‘em both like $100 in the flirt jar.
Dykstra: Double for Roz.
Young: Hollzy’s gonna kill him.
Holmberg: Yeah maybe after. He’s just as bad half the f*cking time.
Dillon: We’re pretending it’s only half?

⤷⤷@censsational
      “Chouinard: Diva down!”
      I know what I heard!!! I am vindicated!

⤷⤷@rozander81
      I need someone from @OttawaCentaurs to confirm the “flirt jar”

⤷⤷⤷@evandykstrahockey
        It’s real and we donate it to @YouCanPlay at the end of every season. Last year Cap, Hollzy, and Barrett raised over $9k because Harris is the only adult I work with.

⤷⤷@hollandazed
      @nickchouinard who taught u diva down???

⤷⤷⤷@nickchouinard
        Cap has screamed this at me every time I’ve tripped in practice for the the last 2 years

@ilyarozanov81
[Video length 1:48]
Harris did not include split screen of me showing off how hot I am. I fix it.

⤷ilyaaaasss81
  this is going on repeat in my enclosure

⤷@shanehollander
    You are unbelievable.

⤷⤷@ilyarozanov81
      😘

@frecklecounter24
Are we going to talk about how @nickchouinard only spoke 3 times and every line was a banger?

@YouCanPlay
We’d like to thank @shanehollander @ilyarozanov81 and @barrettplayshockey for their annual season-long donation drive. You’re all off to a great start so far! Donate at the link in our bio.

@anyasinnerthoughts
Cannot believe I can frolic on Beyonce’s internet at the same time as Shane Hollander-Rozanov and Ilya Rozanov-Hollander. I am so blessed.

~~~

They had to make ground rules after the no shirt sabotage. Shane had argued that it was his reaction that went viral online but Ilya made the point that without him it wouldn't have gone nearly as crazy. Then it was that his reveal of who proposed gained a ton of traction too but Shane argued that since he did it it should count for him too. Since everything was mostly posted by the team and third party accounts they had no real way to declare a winner. So rules it was.

1. Posts have to be made by their accounts first to count towards their numbers.
2. They could start a hashtag but only non-famous and/or non-friend accounts would count towards the impressions total if the hashtag was used.
3. Posts had to be about them in order to count, no trend chasing.
4. Impressions on Twitter and Instagram were the only valid metric because Shane refused to get any more social media accounts than he already had.
5. Defeat could only be conceded. Victory could not be declared.
6. Winner sets their own terms within reason. The loser can veto anything deemed too extreme.
7. If possible, notify Harris and Yuna.
8. Keep it fun. No sabotaging.

The full swing of the MLH season kicking into gear meant that they couldn't do much right away anyways. Don't get him wrong, Shane would have loved to keep showing his husband up in every arena he could but he still had a job. Hockey was still his primary focus and as much as Ilya joked, he knew he'd bring it back to that as well. Fun had priorities too.

It had been almost two months into the season without anything major happening. They posted game media. They won games. They attended meetings and a fundraiser for the Irina Foundation. They lived their typical lives.

He'd mentioned to Rose a few weeks ago about the bet with Ilya. It was casual, during one of their catch up phone calls. She'd laughed at him thinking he'd want to compete with Ilya's insane social media presence. She'd told him he'd kneecapped himself by making it so she couldn't post something and tag him with it. He'd told her that he could do it all on his own, thank you very much. And then promptly did nothing for about nine weeks.

So the text from Rose could not have been at a better time.

Rose Landry
Are you busy December 10th? I know you don't have a game so you better say no 🔪

Me
I don't think so, why?

Rose Landry
I’ve got a premiere that night and I need a hot date. You’ve still got that bet with Ilya, right?

Me
I knew there was a reason we’d stayed friends.

Rose Landry
I’m incredible, duh

Me
My favorite ex, for sure.

Rose
😘

Movie premiere? This was perfect. Ilya had been keeping up a steady stream of posts whose sheer volume would always dominate Shane’s. But he knew and Ilya probably knew that they were only counting things that got big. It wasn’t part of the official rules but it made sense. 

Shane usually only reposted official Centaurs’ game announcements and sponsorship required posts for brand deals. Social media was never his game. It was just a job requirement. Ilya used it like it was an extension of himself. 

Half the time when Shane was curled up on the couch with a book or watching game tape on mute, Ilya would wedge himself as close as he could, phone in hand, and spend two hours giggling and typing with a screen two and half inches from his face. Every ten minutes or so he’d turn the phone to show Shane something he barely understood and would have a wide grin on his face while Shane nodded along politely, trying to keep up. Sometimes it got a sigh and a look of such earnest adoration that it made his heart ache. Other times a laugh. But his favorite was when Ilya would roll his eyes and call him boring because that always came with a kiss to soften the blow.

A few days after Rose’s text--before Shane had even come up with a reason he would go see her in LA--Ilya made his first big post in months. The picture was innocent enough. Cute even. It was a selfie, Ilya making a kissy face at the camera and a peace sign, Anya under his arm and tilted up so that she could lick his face. Shane would have liked the tweet and saved the image for his saved “family” folder if it hadn’t been for the caption.

Under this perfectly good picture, Ilya had decided to ruin Shane’s day.

@ilyarozanov81
[Image attached]
@shanehollander new collar for Anya. Should I get matching one for you or for me? 😘

⤷@shanehollander
    Ilya.

⤷⤷@ilyarozanov81
      woof 🐶

His phone was practically unusable for the rest of the day. Not just from the team chat or the social media notifications, though those were incessant, but from the calls from Harris and his mother. Clearly, Ilya hadn't followed rule 7. He'd decided to ignore them until Ilya came home so he could figure out exactly how they were going to apologize.

It was a full two hours later than Ilya had said he'd be home that he heard the front door unlock and Anya’s tiny nails pitter patter across the hardwood flooring. She quickly sought him out from his reading perch in the living room and jumped to greet him. Ilya, to his credit, was much more subdued. He heard careful steps and a gentle opening of the fridge. It sounded like groceries were being unloaded and put away but much quieter than Ilya usually worked. He was probably hoping Shane was asleep and he could delay the lecture. An assumption that was confirmed when Ilya rounded the corner into the living room and Shane's unamused face met his gaze.

“Oh,” he said, nervous. “How are you, solyneshko?”

“Ilya. We made rules.” Ilya knew he was actually annoyed by the way he didn't immediately try to drape his entire body over his. 

“And I follow, yes?” He sounded sheepish.

“All of them?” He couldn't keep it up and a small fraction of a smile seeped out. He could see the relief melt over Ilya like turning on a shower faucet. It rolled over him and down his spine, relaxing every muscle in a slow but immediate improvement. 

“The ones that mattered.” 

“You know that means I’m gonna have to fight back, right?” Shane stood and Ilya met him halfway. They stood inches away from each other. Hot breath the only thing Shane could feel as his eyes flitted down to Ilya’s lips. His husband’s hands were on his ass, pulling them flush together. Neither made the move to close the distance between their faces.

“You’ve never liked fighting. Worst part of your game other than that weak backhand.”

“Fuck you,” he moved his head back a small bit as Ilya leaned in to kiss him but he kept a smirk on his face to make sure Ilya knew he wasn’t taking it seriously. “You’ve never complained about my hands.”

“Not as your husband. As your captain, there is much we could work on. Right now, actually.”

“Do we need to go to the rink and work it out, Captain?”

“If you think I’m letting you leave this house, you are sorely mistaken.”

“Promise?” And with that, Ilya brought him in for a searing kiss. He knew it was a promise Ilya would keep. Morning skate was going to be hell tomorrow.

~~~

It wasn’t often that Ilya went to bed alone anymore. Wake up alone? Occasionally only because Shane would often wake up at some ungodly hour before even the sun had risen so he could start a workout. But going to bed? He was the night owl of the two. On the rare occasion they didn’t go up to bed at the same time, Shane was already there waiting for him. But not tonight.

Shane had flown out earlier in the day. It was one of their rare back to back days off. He’d gotten permission to skip mandatory practice tomorrow morning so he could go to one of Rose’s premieres. Ilya usually would have attended with him but they were coming up on a tough stretch of their schedule and a captain should lead by example. It was one night and a bit of the next day. He could go that long without his husband. He definitely wasn’t as co-dependent as everyone said they were.

Me
I miss you

My Shane ❤️❤️❤️
It’s been 8 hours. Most married couples have to be apart this long 5 days a week.

Me
:(((((

My Shane ❤️❤️❤️
I miss you too
I never drink at these things. I might be able to get an earlier flight. I’m on standby for it already.

Me
You know I would make it up to you if you do.

My Shane ❤️❤️❤️
Why do you think I’m standby already?
You still owe me for being up in the scoring race at the end of the week.

Me
I did not forget

My Shane ❤️❤️❤️
Rose says hi.

Me
Hollander, why do you bring up your ex-girlfriend when I am trying to sext you in our bed? Was about to send you very sexy picture.

My Shane ❤️❤️❤️
Ilya.
I’m in a very crowded theater right now with a million cameras everywhere.

Me
Fine. You are no fun. I say hi back.
[image attached]

My Shane ❤️❤️❤️
ILYA!
Let me find a bathroom.
[3 images attached]

There were times he thought he was the luckiest man in the world and then there were times he knew he was the luckiest man in the world. This was the latter. He knew Shane must actually miss him because he barely liked using the public bathrooms at the rink. Taking sexy selfies in what was no doubt some coke filled sticky floored movie theater bathroom in LA? That was love. Even unbuttoned and halfway down his thighs, Ilya knew that whatever Rose had dressed Shane in was no doubt doing wonders for him in the premiere photos.

After they’d finished their texting and sent their “I love you”s Ilya hopped onto twitter to find the premiere images. Rose’s fan pages would definitely have the shots up already.

Why was “Shane Hollander” trending #4 in entertainment?

Oh fuck, the bet. He was so screwed. Shane had been so coy about going to see Rose at first. Acting like it wasn’t a big deal and then proposing a night where they could trade off being blindfolded right after. He knew just how to distract him. Shane was a devious, devious man.

He might as well suck it up and look at his husband’s account. There was little doubt he was probably wearing something that would result in an immediate facetime request the moment Shane could get somewhere private. It wouldn’t matter that they’d already jacked off to each other less than five minutes ago.

@shanehollander
[5 images attached]
Huge thanks to my favorite chronic kidnapping victim @roselandry for the invite! #bestexever

⤷@roselandry
    I needed a hot date and I couldn’t think of anyone hotter 😂 my hero  #bestexever

He was cheating again. Enlisting Rose? It would take everything he had to dig himself out of this. Her fans were rabid. He knew first hand what her interacting with a post did for its reach. But honestly, taking a look at the pictures, she probably didn’t need to comment on them for them to go viral.

The first was a posed typical red carpet photo. Rose was in some elaborate bright yellow ballgown. It was sparkly and ruffled below the waist into a fanned out train that curled like a tail around Shane’s feet too. He had a hand around her waist and she leaned one arm up onto his shoulder, hand dipped down to point at the massive diamond statement piece necklace she had borrowed for the evening. Anyone could see how stunning she was.

But Shane? Shane was a different level of gorgeous. And Ilya thought the picture was probably underselling it. He had his hair slicked back except for a single curled strand that was styled like Superman. His dark blue suit jacket was open and he had a large yellow carnation instead of a pocket square. No shirt but a painting of accentuating bright yellow body glitter to match Rose’s dress gave a highlight to his abs, pecs, and obliques. The wide legged boot cut white canvas pants cinched at the widest part of his hips, far too low. Ilya knew he’d probably had to trim his pubic hair to prevent anything indecent showing. His hands were loosely hanging by his thumbs hooked into his front pockets. All four of his MLH Championship rings and his wedding ring all proudly displayed. 

The second photo was again of the two of them. Rose now on her tiptoes, one leg popped into the air as she grabbed his face to kiss him on the cheek. Shane’s face scrunched up from a tight smile and his eyes closed.

The third was a solo shot. Shane giving his best modeling face at the camera. His mouth was open a smidge, almost a scowl in the way his eyes caught the photographer. His head tilted slightly so you could see a strain of muscle in his neck. He pushed up one sleeve to show a teasing amount of skin from his arm.

The fourth again was solo but a fun one. His hands were up to show off the five most important rings he’d ever earned but his right hand pointing to the dark onyx on his left ring finger. He had a smile this time and a little peek of tongue sticking out. One eye was closed and a slight blush highlighted his freckles perfectly. 

The last image, it was just unfair. Ilya was never going to be able to compete with it. He needed to see a video of how it happened. Shane’s left arm was lifted up to make a seat for Rose to balance on his bicep. Her left hand steadied her against his and her right arm was on top of his head to brace herself. She winked cheekily at the camera and Shane’s face didn’t show even a hint of strain. She might as well have been made of cotton candy the way he made it look effortless. Her dress was flowing down dramatically as she kicked out in front of her. 

That had to be THE image of the night. It had to be the reason he was trending at the very least.

Me
I just saw your post. Please get on that standby flight. I can’t believe I’m not there with you.

My Shane ❤️❤️❤️
It’s been 20 minutes!

Me
I could start driving right now.

My Shane ❤️❤️❤️
You trying to one up me from Halloween?

Me
I could wear gladiator outfit again.

My Shane ❤️❤️❤️
Fuck. I better get on that plane.
*you loved this message*

~~~

@TMZ
Is it a reconnection? 😘 Shane Hollander-Rozanov goes as DATE for past girlfriend Rose Landry to X-Squad: Days Beyond Time. No husband in sight. 👀👀

⤷@frecklecount81
    Lmaoooooooo b frfr

⤷@landrysexual
    Didn’t you freaks post videos of him and his husband dancing all up on each other a couple months ago??? 

⤷@rozanderreal
    he’s literally pointing to his wedding ring and they’re posting about being EXES on both their pages

⤷@rl1992ooh
    Begging anyone at @TMZ to learn about gay men and if they like women like that

⤷@ilyarozanov81
    ok.

⤷⤷@shanehollander
      ok.

⤷⤷⤷@roselandry
        ok.

@ilyaaaasss81
[screenshot of Ilya, Shane, and Rose responding to TMZ]
💀💀💀

@ilyarozanov81
The last time I was worried about my gay husband dating Rose Landry I was living in America and @BarackObama was President

⤷@ilyarozanov81
    The only only ancient gay icon I had was the Babadook because 🦕 @ScottHunterReal wasn’t out yet

⤷⤷@ilyarozanov81
      Harambe was still alive 🦍 #neverforget

@hollanova
Those new pics of Shane at the X-Squad premiere 🥵🥵🥵🥵🥵

@OttawaCentaurs
[Image of Shane Hollander showing Championship rings attached]
Looks like our Center @shanehollander still has a few fingers to fill. Come see him and the rest of the team play in two days at home!

⤷@puckitout
    How does anyone forget he’s the 🐐🐐🐐

⤷@centaursws
    Hometown hero reminding everyone why we’re the best team in the league

~~~

How the hell had Ilya not conceded defeat after that? Round two should have gone to him handily. Instead, winter break came and went. The holidays were perfect. Ilya had surprised him with five days at an all inclusive villa in Puerto Vallarta. If that had been his plan for if he’d won round two, Shane would be the first to concede that it was better than what he’d come up with originally. Instead, he’d pivoted to the All-Star game. It was in Nashville this year and he had a few thoughts about that.

They were in New York until tomorrow afternoon. They might have another period left of hockey but the game was over. With Hunter retired, they were in rebuilding mode. It was the first season without their star captain and they were clearly struggling with it.

They were likely not going to see many more minutes being up 4-0 in the third period. He wouldn’t have minded getting a few more call ups, but it was important to let some of the lower lines get their time in too. Noting that, he leaned over to Ilya and said “You’re not dragging me out again tonight, are you?”

“Is up to you.” He and Ilya had already met up with Vaughn, Hunter, Kip, Bennet, and Kyle at the Kingfisher last night when they flew in early ahead of the rest of the team. It was a relaxed hangout with friends before they tried to crush Vaughnny on the ice. The Admirals captain spent most of the night holding a wake for his team’s potential against “the two headed Cerberus”. Shane could tell he was joking, but there was probably some actual sadness that his career window had closed on winning Cups. At least the one he had was memorable.

“You know I love those guys, but I don’t really want to be out two nights in a row. Do you think the team will be mad if I skip out on going out while we’re in New York?” Ilya shook his head and frowned to double down his reassurance.

“No, not at all. They understand. You are lightweight anyways. I think Young and Bergy want to get wasted so I’ll babysit with Bood and try to be quiet when I come home. Is ok?”

“Of course. Even if I’m not awake, can you text me where you are in case I wake up and am suddenly a different person who wants to join?”

Ilya laughed at him but nodded to agree. He slung an arm over his shoulder and pulled him tight for a kiss on his helmet. The arm stayed around him and Shane couldn’t help but lean into him. The moments like this, where they could be close and no one batted an eye, they were his favorite. 

During a media timeout, he felt Ilya’s arm come off him. He was about to protest but Ilya was taking his helmet off, pointing up to the jumbotron and smiling. The Admirals had put them on the kiss cam. Even a couple years ago it would have put him into a panic spiral, but now his helmet came off immediately. Ilya, ever the showman, put both hands on Shane’s cheeks and pulled him half way onto his lap for a big, ridiculous, but quick kiss and he heard the crowd go nuts. They pulled away with a loud pop of a “mwah” and Shane heard his teammates pounding their sticks on the ground and laughing. 

But he wasn’t done kissing his husband. Before Ilya could even react, he grabbed the front of his jersey and pulled him back for a deeper, actual make out type of kiss. The kind of kiss they usually reserved for home. The crowd roared. It was loud in the way only a Pride Night in The Garden could be for that kind of public display. Ilya looked genuinely shocked for a split second when Shane let him go. Shane brought a gentle hand up to wipe at Ilya’s mouth and winked at him like Ilya had done to him thousands of times. That took the shock off his face and he broke into a smile and gut busting laugh. He loved how Ilya could practically boom with laughter until it devolved into tears and coughing. 

“I love you.” And he knew Ilya meant it. The shine in his eye. The laugh that stayed even as he grabbed for his helmet back. The arm slung back around his shoulder. Yeah, this was pure and he couldn’t believe he got to have it.

“Ya tebya lyublyu.”

The final score ended up as an embarrassing 5-1. At least Vaughn got something in the last few minutes. Gave the home crowd something to cheer about that wasn’t the opposing team’s captain making out on the bench.

Even with near a full final period of rest, Shane was exhausted as he went through his cooldown in the locker room. He could feel Ilya’s eyes on him and knew that his husband probably wanted to ask if he had changed his mind about coming out, but truthfully he couldn’t imagine wanting to do anything less. He felt a hand on the small of his back.

“I already have hotel key. Please don’t use the deadbolt and make me sleep in the hall.”

“It was one time!”

“Two times. Buffalo and New Jersey.” Oh God, he’d forgotten about New Jersey. He’d been stupid and horny and had had a game in New York the same night Ilya was within driving distance. He’d locked Ilya out of his own hotel room after they’d sexiled Connors. When even was that, 2015, maybe? Luckily, he’d woken up after two sharp knocks and they managed not to get caught. Ilya had teased him for months about it afterwards.

“Well, I promise I won’t do it again. Make sure the kids don’t get too bad. I don’t think Wiebe wants to see anyone’s ass in the tabloids.”

“Oh my God it was only like thirty times.” 

After showering and heading back to the hotel, he started in on his night routine. He needed another shower before he could feel like the grime of hockey really come off him. Crawling into a cold, too large bed wasn’t the same as crawling up next to Ilya but he’d be back in a few hours probably. 

He settled in with a historical hockey statistics breakdown book and snapped a selfie of him wearing glasses in the empty bed. He fired it off with an “I wish you were here but have fun!”

It was over an hour before he received a response. Shane was about ready to fall asleep when his phone lit up and buzzed. He’d already put it on do not disturb and there was only one person who would text him at this hour who could bypass that.

Ilya Rozanov-Hollander
I wished you were here so much that I’m finding a replacement.
[Image attached]

It was a selfie at Kingfishers. A selfie with what looked like over a hundred vaguely Asian men in anything from Hollander jerseys to nothing but Calvin Klein underwear. What the fuck was Rozanov doing?

Ilya Rozanov-Hollander
I’m winning this round. Check twitter when you wake up.
я тебя люблю

God damn it.

~~~

@TheKingfisherBar
Celebrate Admirals Pride Night by attending our queer hockey player look-a-like contest! Entry is open to anyone over 21. Any and all Shane Hollander look-a-likes are asked to come after 9:30PM so that our celebrity judge can arrive in time. Come in a queer player’s jersey? First drink is half off! 🍻🍸🍹

⤷@grevillain
    Special celebrity guest judge? When Hollander himself is in town for the game? Hmmmmm

⤷@admiraladdict
    Admirals play at 6 so 9:30 would allow for a player to join if they were hypothetically judging 👀

⤷@kipstophergrady
    Can’t wait to see my favorite hockey player I’m not married to!

⤷⤷@ScottHunterReal
      Kip, seriously?

@ilyarozanov81
[Video length 0:18][Video description Ilya walking onto a stage at Kingfishers bar. Raye’s “WHERE IS MY HUSBAND!” blares from the speaker system. Ilya speaks into the mic “Hello my beautiful Shanes!” The camera flips to a crowd of men losing their minds at Ilya’s arrival.]
No one is as pretty as my beautiful @shanehollander 😇 but I will keep looking

⤷@NickChouinard
    This is the happiest I’ve seen him since the wedding 😂😂😂
    [image attached][image description: Ilya surrounded by several scantily clad Asian men with freckles all recreating various Hollander photoshoots.]

⤷@ZaneBoodram
    Don’t tell Shane I stayed for the whole thing 😳

⤷@ScottHunterReal
    There is no way @shanehollander approved of this

⤷⤷@ilyarozanov81
      I am surrounded by approving Shanes 😎

⤷@GoalieWyattHayes
    I love this gay ass team #centaurshockey

⤷@ilyaaaasss81
    This is the greed they talked about in the Bible

@ilyarozanov81
There are so many freckles to choose from 😍😍

@barrettplayshockey
I am their king
[image attached][image description: Troy Barrett surrounded by handsome men all vaguely resembling him wearing #17 Centaurs jerseys]

@ilyarozanov81
The only way my night could be better would be if @shanehollander went to sleep later than 100,000 year old man. I miss him. 🥹

@ilyarozanov81
I have chosen my winner 🎉🏒🍻 Thank you @TheKingfisherBar for hosting!
[image attached][Image description: A selfie of Ilya with his arm around a fit Asian man with make up added freckles, some smudging on Ilya’s cheek. He bears a decent resemblance to Shane. He is wearing a blue and red #24 jersey. Above where it says Montreal Voyageurs, there is a hastily placed piece of paper that says “FUCK THE” duct taped to the jersey.]

~~~

He usually went with Shane when he visited the Pikes, but Ilya woke up with either a severely delayed hangover or the flu. Given that he hadn’t had anything to drink in a few days, it was probably the flu. Jackie had threatened them within an inch of their lives the last time they’d gotten the kids sick by chancing it. No need for a repeat and the kids would forgive Uncle Ilya for missing a visit one day. 

Pike was probably silently celebrating the missed visit. He could expect a few texts telling him to consider making it a habit. He’d use it as a way to gauge when Shane had left. Hayden probably wouldn’t say anything until he knew Shane was a safe distance away from the house. 

Me
Apologize to my adoring fans and let them know I am sending them all signed jerseys to make up for my absence. 

14th Best Voyageur
🖕
Rozanov, if you send another fucking jersey to my kids I’m getting a restraining order

Me
😘
Swear jar, I'm telling Jackie

14th Best Voyageur
Don't!

He rolled back into bed to snuggle in with Anya and drift back to sleep. Hopefully the next time he woke up the sweat and headache would be gone. His phone dinged again and he saw Shane’s name dance across the screen.

My Shane ❤️❤️❤️
You wake up and text Pike first?
Asshole.

Me
I am sorry my love
I am so sick I am not thinking straight

My Shane ❤️❤️❤️
It’s ok. Are you feeling any better?

Me
A little. Anya is taking care of me.
[Image attached]
*My Shane ❤️❤️❤️ loved this image*

My Shane ❤️❤️❤️
Rest up, we’ve got Tampa on Tuesday and I don’t want to sleep alone there ❤️

Me
You know I would not let that happen

My Shane ❤️❤️❤️
I’ll bring home soup from the good Russian place here. I’m leaving in a few hours. Jackie’s showing me the girls’ school play. It’s really bad. I’ll bring a copy home for you. You’ll love it.
*you loved this message*

Ilya rolled back into bed, reaching for Anya and bringing her close to his face. Her little body squirmed until she found a comfortable spot half underneath her father. Ilya smiled into her fur and quickly fell asleep again. Maybe when he woke up it would be to his husband with a hand on his cheek, checking on him and taking care of him. He could probably leverage his weakness to make Shane wear his glasses all day. It was a small ask.

He woke up a few hours later because his phone’s constant vibrating moved Anya from her spot under Ilya’s arm. The loss of his second favorite snuggle companion made him blearily check his phone. He was rubbing his eyes, trying to focus enough to read English when a message from Yuna in the family chat caught his attention.

Our Family

Yuna My Queen 👑
How come we didn’t get the invite to this one?
[link to Shane’s twitter]

Puzzlemaster 🧩 David
Love the outfit choices boys!

My Shane ❤️❤️❤️
Sorry for no invite mom! This one was even more impromptu.

Yuna My Queen 👑
Where did you even find this after all these years?

My Shane ❤️❤️❤️
Hayds and Jackie are switching home security systems and they asked if I could think of any dates from when Ilya and I were babysitting that I’d want footage from.

Yuna My Queen 👑
It’s a beautiful moment for my favorite sons! ❤️ We love you both so much!

Puzzlemaster 🧩 David
I can’t believe the kids were so small now that it’s been a few years.

My Shane ❤️❤️❤️
Me either! I miss it.

Yuna My Queen 👑
You two can always join them.

Puzzlemaster 🧩 David
We’d love to be grandparents some day.

My Shane ❤️❤️❤️
We’ve told you guys already. One day. Probably when we’re retired.
Don’t get Ilya started again. He’s already sick.

Already suspecting what the video might be, Ilya clicked Yuna’s link. His breath caught. It had never even occurred to him that this existed. He didn’t even need to press play to know exactly what it was from the still image preview alone.

@shanehollander
It’s been a little over 2.5 years since @ilyarozanov81 made me the happiest man on earth at a private ceremony with some of our closest friends and family. But before that happened @haydenpike35 ‘s kids had us do a practice version for an even more exclusive audience. Thank you to @jackiePikeWAG for finding this for us.
[Video length 12:24]

The audio was shit. The angle was bad. He couldn’t even see Shane’s freckles; the camera was so far away. The Pike kids were bouncing around and distracting them for half the video. Shane looked ridiculous with a wizard’s cape and top hat. He looked silly with his flower crown and bow tie. But he couldn’t look away for even one second.

It was maybe one of the best memories of his life. Shane standing there, looking at him with such love saying I do at a time when they only half believed they’d ever actually get to that place. His favorite kids, clapping and shouting how much they loved their Uncles. A stolen moment of joy in Pike’s house, pure and blissful.

He didn’t even look at the comments. He didn’t need to. He kept watching it over and over as he dragged himself out of bed, made himself presentable and headed downstairs to make himself a cup of coffee. He was so engrossed in it that he didn’t even hear the car pull up and the front door open.

“Babe, are you ok?” Shane was in the entry to the kitchen. He was in one of Ilya’s pairs of sweatpants and a Centaurs hoodie that could have been either of theirs. He had on his glasses and was holding a bag with a large container of soup. He looked earnestly concerned. Probably because of the tears brimming Ilya’s eyes.

“You win.” Ilya hadn’t paused the video. “I don’t need to wait for numbers. You win this round. I love you.”

Shane set the soup on the island and went between Ilya’s legs to hug him tightly. Ilya nuzzled into his husband’s chest, drinking in the warmth and scent of him. He could feel Shane doing the same at the top of his head.

“I love you more.”

“Not possible.”

“It’s true.”

Chapter End Notes

I've taken some suggestions and incorporated stuff I've seen from the comments here and elsewhere. If you've got an idea but no time to write, let me know and you might see it next chapter. Probably posting again this weekend because I have an addiction.

Chapter 5: The Weeks It Got Bigger

Chapter Summary

All-Star Weekend and the playoffs are in full swing for the Centaurs. Even with the team vying for another Cup, the boys don't have enough competition coming from the MLH so they have to keep their own going. Who will cave first under scrutiny and teasing?

Chapter Notes

I never said this would be 4-5 chapters. Is lie. Liar told you this.

This one is definitely going to be the longest one. I've got some plans to do companion one shots that expand on some of the scenes I had the most fun with. I also cut a ton of ideas because I just couldn't get them to work. I'll probably play around and see if I can get any one shots out of them to work and post them as companions as well. I've had such a blast coming back to fanfic writing that this won't be the only thing I do. We'll see how quickly the next stuff comes out.

@MLHOfficial
Who’s ready for All-Star Weekend? Follow for live updates your favorite players descend to Nashville for hockey’s most star studded weekend! Are you #TeamShane or #TeamIlya ?

@OttawaCentaurs
Can’t get enough #centaurshockey? Watch Captain @ilyarozanov81, Center @shanehollander, and goalie @GoalieWyattHayes this weekend in Nashville for All-Star Weekend! #TeamShane #TeamIlya

@ilyarozanov81
They had to give @shanehollander @GoalieWyattHayes so he could try to compete with me this weekend. The league knows it would not be fun to watch me go back to crushing him so easily again. #TeamMe

⤷@shanehollander
    The trophy room at home is mostly mine.

⤷⤷@ilyarozanov81
      Is lies. Why do you go on the internet and tell lies? I will reset our modem. #TeamMe

⤷@GoalieWyattHayes
    Get ready to get your ass kicked, Cap! #TeamShane

@haydenpike35
Can’t wait to watch @shanehollander get back to doing what he does best (destroying Rozanov) Go get ‘em buddy! #TeamShane

⤷@CliffMarlow
    Big talk for a guy who isn’t here this weekend #TeamIlya

⤷⤷@haydenpike35
      You’re going as a player commentator, not a selection

⤷⤷⤷@CliffMarlow
        Still got an invite. #bearsstaybetter

@roselandry
I never want to pick between two of my favorite guys but #TeamShane

@YunaHollander
David and I can’t choose! Proud of both my boys! #TeamShane #TeamIlya
[image attached][image description: Yuna and David Hollander wearing specialized 2023 Pride jerseys with both player’s numbers]

⤷@ilyarozanov81
    Is ok Yuna, I know I am the favorite

~~~

The new format this year for the All-Star Game was made to piss Ilya off specifically. He was sure of it. The MLH was taking a page out of the American basketball league’s All-Star format and picked the top two faces to represent teams and draft their team comps from the list of pre-selected All-Stars. They hardly ever fought about anything seriously but this was the closest they’d come since the wedding.

It wasn’t that they were being pitted against each other. Honestly, that was kind of fun to have back. No, it was that the two team captains shouldn't be roommates. 

How the fuck was he supposed to get a good night's sleep without smelling Shane's hair? Not being able to feel Shane press a kiss to the back of his neck? No hand around his waist? Legs not intertwined like a hard but perfectly fitting body pillow? He was supposed to wake up to his own phone alarm without having complained thirty minutes prior about the stupid chime sounds that came from the opposite nightstand?

Fuck all of that. He missed Shane. Yeah, they were spending every day together and had even snuck away during player social hours the first day for an afternoon delight, but he hated that he went to bed alone. 

He rolled over to check the time. Fuck. It wasn't even 9:30PM. He'd gone to bed when Shane would out of habit. He was in Nashville, the bachelorette party capitol of America. There had to be something better to do.

Me
I am so bored. Tell me you have something fun.

Vaughnny
Rozy! You and Holly looking to get wild?

Me
Just me tonight. Shane likes to get his sleep until the game. 🙄 Even when all we have is boring skills competition. Takes everything too seriously. 😒

Vaughnny
Heard that. Probably why he always destroys every year. 🤣

Me
No he does that because he is the best hockey player in the world.

Vaughnny
Aww, look at you being all cute.

Me
Shut up 🙄
Are you out? I need a drink.

Vaughnny
Gloria didn't come this year soooooo 🤪
Yeah I'm downtown at some hick bar a guy from Colorado knows. Guess he grew up here and grabbed a bunch of us from the hotel bar. I'll send you the addy ✌🏽

Thank God for Carter Vaughn. The man knew everyone and was one of the few people close to Ilya's age that was still making the line up. He missed the calm comfort of Shane. The last thing he wanted to do was be stuck babysitting a bunch of drunk and horny children.

Ilya had brought half a suitcase of going out clothes. He assumed Shane probably wouldn't want to but he liked to preen for him on the off chance he would. He knew what a few of the shirts he'd brought did to Shane on a night out. If he could get that reaction even once while they were in Nashville, maybe he could sleep in his husband's room before the game. Hopefully, a paparazzi picture would find its way to Shane by morning.

He got a rideshare to the honky-tonk bar Vaughn had sent the address for. It was on the main strip and was packed with a line out the door. He figured out quickly why they'd picked this bar when he noticed the bouncer wearing a Colorado jersey. Presumably of the local guy who Vaughn said knew the owner. At least he wouldn't have to do much smooth talking to get inside.

“Hello, I know people inside. VIP section. Should I get them?”

“Nah dude, you're good. Any chance I can get an autograph? I've been having all the All-Star guys sign the jersey.” The bouncer sounded like he was trying to play it cool but Ilya saw his eyes go wide as he was walking up. He nodded at the request and took a sharpie from the large man. He signed as big as he could “Ilya Rozanov-Hollander #81 (Shane's husband)”. It was on the guy's back so he wouldn't see it until tomorrow but he hoped he posted it somewhere so Shane could roll his eyes and tell him he was ridiculous when they had breakfast tomorrow.

“Ro-zy!” He heard Vaughn shout at him over the crowd from the bar area. He scanned until he found the North Dakota kid. “Shots?”

“I can't imagine how shit the vodka is going to be here.”

“Dude, you live in fucking Ottawa. This is an actual drinking city. Vodka's gonna be so much better.”

“Not true. Centaurs have regular bar for after games. I make them buy cases of the real stuff just for me. I am their special boy.” Carter laughed at him, already most of the way to being drunk. 

They ordered a round and then Ilya got himself a second in an attempt to start catching up. It wasn't great vodka but it would get the job done. Ilya had them send a bottle to the table in the back that they were set up at.

“Guys! Look who I found wandering the streets, lost and confused.” Six drunk hockey players all raised their glasses celebrating Rozanov’s addition. Vaughn pointed to each one at a time. “Alright so we've got Heller, Colorado; Froggy, Detroit; Ericksson, Tampa; Deeker, Winnipeg; Gerbie, Columbus; and your replacement in Boston, Rupkin. And this is--”

“Fuck off Vaughnny, we know who Ilya fucking Rozanov is.” Froggy scoffed and waved off Vaughn’s attempt at explanation. He was on Ilya’s team this year. As were Rupkin, Heller, and Gerbie. Shane had Deeker, Ericksson, and Vaughn.

“Rozanov-Hollander,” he corrected jokingly. “And Vaughn, I have been to these before. Probably as long as rookie has been alive. Is the punishment for being world’s greatest hockey player.”

“That ESPN shit was fucking hilarious, man.” He sat next to Froggy, actual name Frogander. He was about twice as broad as the average man. A defenseman whose knuckles probably never lost the bruising. The rum and coke in his hands looked like a child's sippy cup. “Any chance you guys can find another reason I can refuse media?”

“I'll ask Shane. Was all him last time. He hates media too. I am sure he could figure something out.” Ilya poured himself a tall glass of vodka neat and cheersed with the two closest players paying attention. 

The talking mostly turned to hockey. Bitching about travel, complaining about worst away locker rooms (Columbus, fuck you Gerbie), and bragging about accolades. Heller kept trying to start drinking games but they never took. Even without that the group was well on its way to blitzed within an hour.

“Rozy,” Ericksson, the defenseman from Tampa Ilya thought was Icelandic maybe, “I've got to ask. Back in 2013 you chirped my old goalie, Freeman. How the hell did you make a goalie drop his gloves?”

“Kept repeating 285-842-5346 and 285-773-6528.” Ilya smiled, still remembering after almost a decade. 

“What?”

“His wife and his sister’s phone numbers. He'd been brick wall all year. Needed a competitive advantage.”

“You’re a fucking mandman,” Ericksson said through laughter. “How did you even get those?”

“Sister's was not hard.” He brought his drink up to his mouth and smirked before saying, “And then I get wife’s from the sister.”

“Absolute demon behavior,” Heller said, in awe of the audacity. “It's a wonder you've never had your jaw broken.”

“I am eight times most hated player in MLH. Is my most favorite award.”

“I can't believe this is the first time I'm hearing about it. You love bragging about your chirps,” Vaughn said.

“Ah, not that one. Got me in trouble.”

“A goalie fucked you up?” Heller sounded incredulous.

“No, no, not at all. His punches are like little baby bird’s. I brag about it to Hollander and he was very angry with me.” Ilya tensed at the memory. It was so early in their flirtation and Shane was already so skittish. He’d worried at the time that he’d fucked everything up. That his little stunt had cost him his Canadian. “I did not know goalie was having divorce. He said it was cruel and too far. Didn't text me for weeks until I apologize publicly in interview.”

“In 2013?” asked Froggy. “Damn Rozy, I thought you and Hollander got together in like 2017.”

“Exclusively, yes but we were together unofficially for much longer. Since before rookie year.” All but Vaughn looked shocked. Carter had been to enough hangouts at Kingfishers to already know but it wasn’t a detail that he spread around too often. They weren’t ashamed of it, but Shane liked to keep their private life somewhat private.

He took some light ribbing about the timeline from the group but everyone was surprisingly good about it. He assumed Vaughnny’s buddies would probably be safe but there was always a risk. He knew the MLH was still a pretty homophobic place. Add alcohol and there was always a risk of things going south rapidly.

After the fourth tall pour of vodka, Ilya had a brilliant idea. “Heller! Heller, stop bothering rookie. I have question.”

“What’s up?” Rupkin looked relieved to be done with the conversation. He was probably the most sober of any of them despite his age. Maybe his English wasn’t quite there yet. He remembered how tough it was at first too.

“Where the fuck can I get a tattoo right now?”

“Ohhh shit,” Vaughnny was clearly down. “Let’s go commemorate boys! All-Star Weekend 2024!”

“I know a guy, I’ll go settle up and get us a ride. It’s not far but I’m not about to get stopped every ten feet when we get recognized.”

“Is no problem, I go pay. Have very rich husband at home and shared bank account. Go get us ride and I meet outside.” His English was deteriorating a bit. A clear sign he was drunk. Hopefully the artist didn’t deny them after one whiff. They probably shouldn’t be around any open flames any time soon after seeing the full bar tab. 

He’d apologize to Shane in the morning but he probably wouldn’t care that much anyway. He signed his name too large on the check and tipped $248.10. Ilya snapped a quick picture of it and sent it to Shane with a little heart and a message that said “thinking of you.” That never failed to get an eye roll out of him but he thought he might secretly like it. 

And if that didn’t get a smile out of Shane, he knew his new tattoo would.

~~~

Waking up at his usual time, Shane had no fewer than 19 texts from his husband. Oh boy, this was gonna be good. He must have had someone with him because he didn’t remember Ilya knocking on his door to wake him up. Or maybe he’d just been on his best behavior. 19 texts and 4 missed calls. Perhaps his okayest behavior.

Ilya Rozanov-Hollander
My love, I am going out with Vaughn and some others if you are still awake. Would love to see your pretty freckles again tonight.
We are at this bar
*Ilya Rozanov-Hollander shared his location*
Vodka is terrible here. I miss Ottawa bars.
Tell no one I say this. Will deny it.
[image attached]
thinking of you :)

Jesus Christ, that bar tab. Had they been drinking liquid gold? This was as bad as the third night of Cup celebrations. Fuck it, they were both millionaires. Ilya could make it up to him in other ways anyways.

Ilya Rozanov-Hollander
I am looking forward to our game
Both of them ;)
I mis you
Shaaaaaaane
*Missed Call from Ilya Rozanov-Hollander*
Sabatgin youre team by teaching Deker how to drikn properly
Rememember first time in Nashville? So hot. First All-Stars. I fuck you this tiem
I beat you this eyar though. Crush petty canadiaan
I make bad choice now. U wil love
🍆🍆🍆🍆
I love you
*Missed Call from Ilya Rozanov-Hollander x3*
taking my phdkdwodme
Hi Shane, this is Felix Ericksson. We’re sorry we didn’t take his phone sooner. He’s in good hands. Vaughn and Rupkin are taking him back once the car gets here. We’ll make sure he has gatorade and goes to his hotel room. He was complaining all night that you have separate ones because you want sleep. Good luck with his hangover tomorrow! I’m turning off his phone and telling him the battery ran out. See you tomorrow Cap!

He’d have to thank Ericksson and Vaughn at morning skate. He’d catch up with Rupkin if he could. The kid was on Ilya’s team for the weekend. By the time he went through his morning routine and was fully dressed, he figured he’d given Ilya enough time to sleep in. They had Captain media interviews in less than an hour. Ilya would want to look alive for them and definitely needed some breakfast to get there.

His first call went to voicemail, but not right away so Ilya’s phone was on. The second one did too. On the third, Ilya picked up with a long groan and didn’t say anything further.

“What happened to ‘Russians don’t get hangovers’?” he teased.

“Do not have hangover. Is headache and flu. Might be dying.” His English was stilted and accent thicker than normal, he was suffering. Good. Justified.

“Do you need help? We’ve got to be ready for media in an hour. I’m guessing you need a shower.”

“Are you offering, Hollander?” Ok, not that hungover if he was still able to make innuendos.

“No, come meet me for breakfast in twenty.” Ilya made another pained noise of protest. “I love you. I’m glad you had fun last night. The texts were funny.”

“I only meant all of them. I missed you so much.”

“Get dressed and come meet me weirdo. You better brush your teeth twice if you want me to kiss you. I can’t imagine how bad you smell right now.”

“Fine, I love you too.”

Ilya was late to their agreed breakfast time. He barely had enough time to vacuum the eggs and sausage he’d piled high on his plate. Shane could see some faint bags under his eyes but otherwise he looked as gorgeous as ever. It was honestly unfair. How could someone who drank and smoked as much as Ilya and still look like that after a night out? It wasn’t just the suit he had on. He’d married a fucking smokeshow.

They walked into the hotel conference room hand in hand. Cameras following them and seats already filled. They took their seats, Ilya to Shane’s left and the coaches for their respective teams bracketing them.

The questions started as boring as ever. Shane caught Ilya yawning a few times, still rubbing sleep out of eyes in between questions. He hadn’t noticed at breakfast, but Ilya had a bandage on his right ring finger. Hopefully it was only a small cut. Some of the texts from last night had come in late. He was finally feeling his age. He couldn’t wait to get out of this and start teasing him for it.

“Ilya, we saw from your social media that you had a bit of a late night. Do you think that’s going to impact performance at any part of the weekend?”

“No, I am Russian.” He’d used that excuse since they were 19 and it never sounded less convincing than it did now. “Besides, is exhibition game and I always beat Hollander.”

“I have the better record.” Shane lightly chirped.

“He does not know what he’s saying. Had too much sleep last night, his memory is bad from it.” That got some laughter out of the press pool.

“Do you think that the new tattoo is going to affect stickhandling for the weekend?”

The new what? Is that what that bandage was for?

“Is small, should be no problem. Is better to get it now instead of before playoffs. I had been thinking about it for a long time. Two years at least.” Shane shot him a look out the corner of his eye. Ilya caught it and moved his foot under the table to go flush with his.

“Is there a reason for the placement and wording?”

“Yes, it is traditional in Russia to wear wedding ring on your right hand. I wear mine on my left to match my husband. I wanted to have one I didn’t have to take off for games. This one is mine.” He held up his hand, not making eye contact with Shane.

“Are you planning on getting a matching one, Shane?”

“I, uh, I didn’t know about it.” He grabbed his husband’s hand. The bandage was clear under the right tilt of lighting. He could make out the letters as Cyrillic and then number 24. He felt his face flush down past his chest. Ilya snickered at the immediate change. He’d have to get him back for this later. Probably have to suck his soul out his dick for it.

“He’s been working on his Russian. I think he knows this word.” Shane shook his head. If they weren’t in a room full of media to talk about their temporarily rekindled rivalry he would have kissed him. Actually, he would have done a lot more than kiss him. 

“What does it say?”

“It says ‘24’s всегда’. It means ‘24’s always’. You’re ridiculous.” He couldn’t have kept the smile off of his face if there were weights attached to the edges of his mouth. He had to bite his cheek to keep from saying anything else and embarrassing himself by being any more publicly head over heels for his husband than he already was.

“I am sorry I love my husband.” Ilya tried to intertwine their fingers but Shane pulled away. 

He turned to the sea of reporters and said pointedly, “I am not going easy on him for this. I’ll probably hit him into the boards harder for not telling me.”

~~~

@AdmiralsVaughn
[image attached][image description: Vaughn and Rozanov selfie inside dimly lit country bar. Ilya’s black button down is missing the top 3 buttons and he is wearing aviator sunglasses inside. Vaughn appears intoxicated and Rozanov is doing a shot of what appears to be vodka]
Celebrating over a decade of All-Stars with @ilyarozanov81 even though I’m #TeamShane

⤷@ErickssonFelix71
    If we get him drunk enough I think he’s got no chance #TeamShane

⤷⤷@ilyarozanov81
      I am Russian. Good luck #TeamMe

@mlhPlayerzwatch
Several MLH All-Stars spotted at Big Benny’s Barroom in Downtown Nashville. 

@gerbieggal
can’t believe i’m in the same bar as my mlh crush and then ILYA ROZANOV-HOLLANDER SHOWS UP. a girl can only take so much

@valdislavrupkin
First All-Stars Weekend!
[image attached][image description: high selfie of vip table at a bar. Multiple MLH players are engaged in discussions, not paying attention to the rookie]

@ilyarozanov81
thinking about giving @drover.harris a heart attack #TeamMe

⤷@drover.harris
    Please. Don’t.

⤷@BarrettPlaysHockey
    Rozanov, can you not

⤷⤷@ilyarozanov81
      😈

@AdmiralsVaughn
It’s not an All-Star Weekend without a Rozanov adventure
[video length 0:15][video description: interior of stretch vehicle with Russian rap blaring loud. Rupkin and Rozanov both screaming the lyrics. Several MLH players are drinking or drunk.]

⤷@drover.harris
    WHERE ARE YOU GOING

⤷⤷@ilyarozanov81
      Is secret adventure shhhhh

@DekeswDeeker
If you give @ilyarozanov81 liquor get ready for a 10 part lecture on why his husband is better than you at any and everything

⤷@GoalieWyattHayes
    This is why you can’t give him rum. He’s a vodka only guy for team night

⤷@ZaneBoodram
    Rum?

⤷@LucaHaashockey
    No rum for captain

⤷@drover.harris
    lol your fault for giving him rum

@voodoovariancetattoo
[image attached][image description: Ilya Rozanov-Hollander with a stencil of #24 laid on his neck taking up most of the area.]
Should he do it?

⤷@DekeswDeeker
    Madlad’s gonna go for it

⤷@AdmiralsVaughn
    RO-ZYYYYYYYYYY

@ilyarozanov81
[image attached][image description: Ilya is shirtless, an open bottle of vodka next to him and a tattoo artist hunched over, working on his hand]

⤷@rozander2481
    Why is his shirt off if it’s a hand tat???

⤷⤷@ilyarozanov81
      giv ppl what they wan

@ilyarozanov81
My love, you are my life. Always in my heart and under my skin.
*automatically translated from Russian (detected)*
[image attached][close up of right ring finger with tattoo in a mix of Cyrillic and Arabic numerals]

~~~

They clinched the playoffs for the third year in a row. This was the fastest it had ever been done in franchise history. Ilya knew that that meant nothing without a cup but damn if he wasn't proud of the team. He did that. He built back the franchise coming here in free agency. A few lucky trades and….yeah, sure, Shane Hollander-Rozanov might have helped too. But he wouldn't be here without Ilya Rozanov-Hollander. Everyone knew that. And the playoff streak started the year before Shane got here anyway.

They had three days off in a row, no games and practices had turned optional in light of the spot being clinched. He was still going to go, captain duties and all that. But he didn't need to be quite as early. He'd even convinced Shane of it so they could stay curled up in bed for even longer. 

“Good morning.” Shane’s voice was deeper, it came out like a creaking door. 

“Morning.” He kissed his husband’s head, hugging him closer as he did. They were nude from last night, the duvet and sheets a rumpled mess that covered random parts of their bodies. “We have to drive separate to practice today. I’ve got that thing for Rolex at one.”

“Ok, do you want to shower together?”

“How long do we have until we have to leave?” His insatiable husband. Always planning ahead. God, he loved him. 

“Enough time if you have something in mind.” Shane rolled over on top of him, straddling his waist. He could feel his morning wood pressing on his stomach. “Or we could start here?”

Shane dipped to kiss him. He felt like a man being shown an oasis after a trek in the desert the way he could drink from his mouth. Morning breath be damned, this was all he wanted. Shane’s hands gripped and twirled into his hair, pulling at the roots and drawing a moan out of the back of his throat. He could feel himself come to life in equal parts, cock slowly growing against his husband’s perfect ass.

“Meet you in the shower?” Shane scurried off to the bathroom, reaching out for Ilya’s hand and pulling him along to the en suite.

After a thoroughly enjoyable shower and then a second shower to recover and actually clean themselves, they left for practice. Ilya left second so he could give Anya a chance to run around the backyard and make sure she ate a bit of breakfast. Shane leaving early meant he could sneak her some of the good treats he’d hidden as well. The ultra processed goodness that made her dance on her backlegs when she heard the bag being reached for in the back of the cabinet. 

“My beautiful girl, do you promise to keep this secret? Remember that I am the fun papa.” He scooped her up in a tight hug and kissed her fluffy head before leaving himself with a dozen coos of “I love you”. He hated to watch her little face stare as he left her alone in the big house. He knew from the cameras they’d installed that she spent almost the entire time they were gone sleeping in improbable positions on the couch. She was fine but he hated leaving her anyway. What if she got lonely and her napping was a clever way of hiding it? He’d done that before.

He came into the locker room with fanfare. The team wanted to celebrate their captain after the Buffalo loss that officially mathematically excluded them and guaranteed Ottawa their spot. The chants of “Cap!” brought a smile to his face. He could see a few guys with their phones out to record his arrival. 

“Ok listen up fuckers! We win last year, yes? But that is over. That is nothing. We make the playoffs again. Great, I am happy. It means nothing unless we lift that Cup again. I better get second Cup kiss on the ice with Hollander. I am twice as cool and hot as Scott fucking Hunter and dumb smoothie boy.” He looked directly at the nearest phone camera before continuing. “I love you Kip, we get lunch, the three of us without Hunter next time we play New York. Will be next season though, because Admirals suck, yes?” He flipped a switch inside and went back to his game hype voice without a stop in flow. 

“First, we destroy Carolina or whoever gets unlucky enough to be seeded against us. I want to rest before next round. We kill them quickly, yes? I don’t want this seven game bullshit again like last year. I know you are all better than that. The nerves are gone this time. We’ve been here before. I want you all to remember how last year felt. Remember how we got there. Now make sure I get twice as many Cup make outs with hot guy on the ice!”

He flipped off everyone he could see with a camera as the locker room collapsed on him with celebrations. He hoped Shane wasn’t recording it. The bet was still on and he hadn’t brought his own phone out so he missed the chance to have it on his accounts. In the back of his mind, he knew that Shane would consider it cheating to record one of his speeches and post it to his own account. It wasn’t exactly what they were going for and he was a spirit of the game kind of player.

Practice was good today. It seeped into his bones and settled in his muscles. The lines stayed clean, guys stayed focused. Wiebe took his foot off the gas for this little stretch between the weeks before the playoffs started and now. It was nice to stay steady instead of having to push. He was going to be on load management for a bit. They’d try a few new lines and strategies to see if they could come up with a few surprises for the run but it was easy, familiar now. Intuitively he knew Centaurs hockey.

Shane left before him to make his Rolex appointment. His plan was to have dinner ready to cook when he came back. Anya needed a walk so he took care of that first while the salmon defrosted and a grilling plank soaked in the sink. He whipped up a quick maple-garlic glaze when he got home, the one that secretly used more sugar in it than he might have let on. Shane always said it was so much better than the old recipe he used. He trimmed some brussel sprouts and prepped a pilaf. Anya danced around his feet hoping for something to drop or maybe just so she could be close to him.

Dinner was in the fridge or ready to head to the oven when he heard the front door open. His Rolex thing must have gone long. Ilya was glad he didn’t cook in advance, everything would have been cold by now.

“Welcome back!” he called from the living room. He had on some awful reality TV show he was half watching half napping. He might have strategically laid so that Shane could fit next to him. He might have made sure Shane’s stolen practice jersey was hiked a few inches to show off his abs. He might have let his hair get mussed and frizzled like he knew Shane liked to fuss with and fix. Maybe he did all that on purpose. But there was plausible deniability.

“Babe, can you come help me with something?” Damn it. Plan foiled.

He jumped up off the couch and scurried along with Anya to the front entrance. There was a large box, wider than the door and Shane had his phone in his hand, clearly recording him.

“Shane?”

“Go ahead, take a look.” He looked downright giddy. It was just a smile but he could tell he was vibrating with excitement. He was biting his lip and his eyes darted back and forth from the box to Ilya’s face.

“Shane, what is this?”

“Come on, don’t keep me waiting.” His phone was pointed squarely at Ilya, not trying to hide the obvious set up. This was definitely part of the bet.

“Ah yes, have heard that many times. This morning for ex--”

“Ilya.” Fine, fine he’d stop since Shane was using his stern voice.

He played along, making a big show of slowly opening the folded cardboard flap. The box was filled to the brim with crinkled paper. He reached in, having to lean deep to reach the bottom of the massive box. He dragged his hands around the bottom and felt something soft. Something that moved.

No.

He didn’t.

Ilya’s face snapped up to the camera. Judging by Shane’s barely contained glee, he had. Ilya was sure his face was contorted with a mix of shock and joy so potent that the team would be putting print outs of it on his locker from every series they had left to play.

“Shane, did you?” He got his hands on the wriggling puffball and pulled out a pomeranian mix of some kind. The puppy sneezed and their little tail shook exuberantly as Ilya stood up with his second child.

“Happy playoffs!” Shane shifted to get a closer angle. Ilya could feel tears start in his eyes. They clouded his vision and he could only hold tighter to the fluff that was trying to lick away every tear. “Everyone, meet Ekaterina Ksenia Rozanova-Hollander!”

“Little Katya,” he cooed at her. He couldn’t help himself from slipping into Russian. “You are going to be the most spoiled little girl in the entire world. Come, we have to meet your sister and show you where all the secret treats are; the ones we hide from your father. He will tell you that you can’t have any accidents but I will hide it from him until you are big enough to know better. Papa will let you get away with anything, just like your big sister. I love you so much already. You can do whatever you want forever.”

Shane kept the video going as he brought Katya inside, showing her to Anya and watching the two chase each other around the kitchen. Instant friends. Instant sisters. Instant family.

“I don’t know how I ever top this. I love you, Hollander.” Shane finally stopped recording. He pulled Ilya in for a kiss and stayed wrapped in his arms. “I still have plans for our bet, but this was dirty.”

“It wasn’t just for that. Harris has been showing me dogs all season. I was gonna wait until after the season but Katya seemed perfect. I couldn’t wait.”

“She is as perfect as you are. Thank you. I love you.”

“I love you.”

“You still haven’t won. I’m not losing for a third time.”

“You will. But I can wait.”

~~~

@shanehollander
[video length 5:17]
He's been asking since the day after we got Anya for her to be a big sister. I was always gonna cave. I love you!

⤷@haydenpike35
    You’re making it so hard to tell the kids no, dude

⤷@drover.harris
    So excited for our Cens family to keep expanding <3

⤷@LucaHaashockey
    when is she coming to practice?

@ilyarozanov81
I am finally a father of two. My dogters are my life.
[6 images attached][image description: various photos of Anya and Katya playing as well as solo shots of the new puppy]

⤷@shanehollander
    Happy playoffs!

⤷@YunaHollander
    Can’t wait to meet my newest granddogter! See you for dinner tomorrow.

⤷@ilyassecretmole
    “dogters” this man has not even begun to peak

⤷@drover.harris
    More playmates for Chiron!

⤷⤷@shanehollander
      Thanks for helping me keep it secret

@rozreasons
i NEED someone to translate the Russian in the puppy video STAT

@itshollanover
Sorry, i can’t come into work today. I have to watch two hockey players I don’t know be nice to each other. Yeah, for the whole day, probably the whole week It’s chronic

@anyasinnerthoughts
I’ll still be running things mmw

@fvie2163
I’m taking Russian and all my hockey friends keep sending me that dog video. Here’s my very loose translation
[image attached]

[transcript:
You are going to be the most spoiled girl in the world. Let’s meet your sister and we will show you where all the secret treats are. We hide them from your father. He will say that you can’t have any accidents but I will hide it from him until you are big enough to be smarter. Papa will let you get away with anything, just like your big sister. I already love you so much. You can do anything you want forever.]

⤷@shilyagirrrrl
    “You can do anything you want forever” yeah, this is an accurate translation. I don’t need to speak Russian to know it

⤷@puckbunnie12
    staaaaahp he cannot be this cute

⤷@shanehollander
    I’ve known about the secret treat shelf for years.

⤷⤷@ilyarozanov81
      LIES

⤷@ilyarozanov81
    This is decent translation. Good luck with your studies!

~~~

Shane was up early again. Feeding Anya and Katya before starting a quick workout. They were deep into the playoffs at this point. His legs needed to stay fresh but if he didn’t get some time on the exercise bike to start the morning, he’d be bouncing off the walls before noon rolled around. 

He was sure that Ilya would complain that he was already downstairs today of all mornings. He'd been assured that there were surprises coming for his birthday. He'd talked a big game last night but he'd followed up on all his other promises about fucking him through the date rollover. Any criticism he could levy against his husband, his timing wasn't even on the list. The way he knew how to wield his body against Shane's, equal parts weapon and comfort. It was intoxicating. 

He was getting hard thinking about it. Was Ilya up yet? There was more than one way to get cardio and flexibility training in. Core workout could be an option.

When he opened his eyes at the beep from the exercise bike alerting him he’d hit his intervals, he saw Ilya leaning against the doorframe. Arms crossed against his bare chest and briefs indecently low, showing a densely curled patch of hair tufting out from the top. He looked hungry. Green eyes staring intensely at him with lust and want. He was already breathing hard from his workout, but he felt his throat catch as he tried to gulp down any bit of extra oxygen he could steal from the room.

“You weren’t there when I woke up. I had to search.”

“Found me.” Ilya nodded at him in recognition, but otherwise unmoving. “Are you just gonna stand there?”

“I like my view.” The upturn of the corner of his mouth was a challenge. Shane’s eyes couldn’t help but drink in the sight of him. The unkempt hair, still tangled from how he’d pulled at it last night. The hint of a dark mark raised on his neck, his doing as well. The suggestion of nail marks being down his back from the trail that started barely at the back of his shoulders. As his eyes drifted further he could see the briefs left almost nothing to the imagination. 

He knew very few things by memorization to the point he was confident he could identify them without hesitation. The feel of his skates laced tight. The weight of his hockey stick taped perfectly how he wanted. The smell of an MLH locker room after a game. All distinct and personal. 

But they all paled in comparison to how he knew Ilya’s cock. He knew exactly the feel and weight of it. How it looked in every lighting that could be imagined. The ways he could tease it awake. And right now he knew from across the room and through a layer of clothing; Ilya was begging for him.

“Do you like your view as well, Hollander?” He’d been staring. The flush in Ilya’s chest told him so. The longer breaths he had to take to regulate himself gave the Russian away. “We need to celebrate, yes?”

“We celebrated last night,” he said coyly.

“Not enough.” Fuck. He was right. His breathing should have regulated by now. Ilya was keeping his heart rate high and lungs pumping. “Our flight is in seven hours. That is barely enough time for what I have planned.”

“Oh?”

“I made sure we packed last night for reasons.” He had been weirdly focused on that. His suitcase was zipped before dinner. Ilya’s hands uncrossed and he stood up straight in the doorway. “Come here.”

Shane obeyed without second thought.

He didn’t have another thought until their ride service asked if he wanted to load his suitcase himself. Ilya grabbed his bag from him, loading up the trunk and joining him in the back seat. Their hands interlocked and Ilya’s head on his shoulder before they even left the driveway. 

They were up 3-2 in their series against Boston. It was probably bittersweet for Ilya to be returning to the playoffs against his former team. Marlow had introduced Ilya to the few new faces over the course of the season, always keeping tabs on him despite the move. He was a good friend to always be checking on his former captain. But tomorrow they were going to have to cut his season short.

He’d never admit to it, but Shane swore he could hear Ilya softly snoring. It was an eventful morning, he could hardly blame him. They were both going to have to sleep on the plane if there was even a chance they’d have the energy to play a full game against Boston tomorrow. If the MLH wanted their top players at peak performance for the playoffs, they shouldn’t have scheduled games perfectly around Shane’s birthday. But maybe they had done the graceful option and at least not scheduled anything on the birthday itself.

Ilya had made a promise that they’d fuck in every room to celebrate. If it wasn’t for the damn car arriving early, they probably would have gotten there too. Oh well, they could make up for it at the hotel. He hoped no one from the team had the room next to them. He was sick of the texts in the group chat telling them to knock it off. Not enough to stop, but enough to be annoyed.

His phone started going nuts. Oh God. Not today. What had Ilya posted? He’d been off his phone all morning. He must have a timed post going out. Please God, he hoped his mom had signed off on it at least.

Clop to the Top

Zane Boodram
Kid had me up all night.
Sorry for being last but Happy Birthday Shane!!
Let’s go get that win tomorrow as a belated gift!

Evan Dykstra
Jesus Cap
Warn a guy next time
My wife’s watched it like 8 times. Most interest she’s shown in hockey all year

Garret Holmberg
Maybe the real #hotdamncapitaine was the Ginger Ale we drank along the way

Wyatt Hayes
Cap’s looking hotter than LavaLight, goddamn 🥵

Zane Boodram
lmao is this Hollzy’s birthday gift? 💀

Nick Young
yoooooo that makes so much sense i’m ded 💀

Tanner Dillon
Do you think they even make it to the plane? Taking bets now

Troy Barrett
No

Evan Dykstra
No

Garret Holmberg
No

Nick Chouinard
No

Nick Young
No (but with jazz hands)

Me
We’re on the way to the airport now.
What are you talking about?

Wyatt Hayes
HE DOESN’T KNOW

Nick Chouinard
OH SHIT HE’S HERE

Zane Boodram
Who’s in the room next to them? I can share a bed to let you get some sleep tonight.

Troy Barrett
No one send it. I’m not dealing with them on the plane

Tanner Dillon
Hollzy, ignore us. Turn off your phone until we get to Boston.

Garret Holmberg
I’m so cooked. I think it’s my turn to have the room next to theirs.
Bood, was that a real offer? I’m gonna need to claim asylum

Nick Chouinard
FUCK
I’m rooming with Holms
I am become Diva Down 😭

If he didn’t look so damn cute, Shane would wake Ilya up and ask him what the hell they were all going off about. But his face was so soft, little sounds were coming from his mouth, and he was leaned into Shane like he was the world’s most comfortable pillow. He couldn’t ruin that. He loved these moments. He’d never cut one short.

Barrett had told him to wait until after the flight, but Shane’s curiosity got the better of him. If the entire team had already seen whatever it was, it had to be ubiquitous. 

The moment he opened twitter he was assaulted with an image that would be etched into his skull for the rest of his life. He couldn’t even scroll. If it wasn’t so tantalizing he’d have it as his phone background. Family shot with the dogs be damned.

It was a desaturated black and white shot of Ilya Rozanov-Hollander. He was freshly showered and only showing his midriff to half way down his thighs. He was nude but was framed so that a can of Canada Dry, in full color, sat on a table angling to hide what would have made him indecent. The branding was displayed in perfect centering and lighting, a few beads of perspiration dripping down the can. Ilya was opening it with his right hand. He could see the tattoo of his wedding ring tilted towards the camera. At the bottom of the image there was a single word in Times New Roman font.

Thirsty?

The tension in Shane’s jaw could have hung suspension bridges from the moon. When had he even done this campaign? How did he get this done behind his back? How the fuck was he supposed to drink his favorite beverage without popping a semi ever again? Fuuuuuuuuuck.

Wait, Dykstra had said his wife had watched it eight times. There was a video. This wasn’t a one off ad. He was so fucked. So incredibly, completely fucked. Even more fucked than he’d been all morning and the night before. 

If he could make his fingers move and scroll past the single hottest thing he’d ever seen in his life, he was sure that the video wouldn’t be far off. But he just couldn’t stop staring. Fuck. This was bad. Barrett was right, that plane ride was going to be awful. He was cancelling drinks with Marlow. Their fancy dinner plans were being cancelled. Fuck, he wanted to cancel the goddamned game tomorrow. 

Ilya stirred against him, a reminder that his chance to watch whatever else he’d filmed without being watched himself was quickly fading. He swallowed hard and swiped down his feed. Two posts down, someone retweeted the video and tagged him in it.

It was short, only a minute in length. That shouldn’t be terrible, right?

The video was black and white. Ilya was at a rink doubled over and heaving like he was at the end of an intense game. He didn’t have his helmet on so you could see the sweat dripping from his face, his hair flat against his forehead. The sounds of a crowd chanting his last names pumped through as an audio overlay even in an empty arena. Interstitial jump cuts of him being slammed against the boards and taking shots on goal. His heavy breathing stayed as a through line and when his head dropped there was a hard cut to an empty locker room. 

A can of Canada Dry sat front and center as the sound of a shower played in the background. He heard the squeaky close of the water being turned off and Rozanov walked up to the can, slightly blurred, towel dangerously low on his hips until he got into position and all came into focus. It was similar to the shot from the static ad. He reached down to open the can but when he did so the towel dropped as the sound of the can opening fizzled and clicked. 

Hard cut to Ilya bringing the can up to his face. He stared the camera down and winked before he asked, in a thick Russian accent, “thirsty?” as he took a long drink. A few drops  escaped his lips and dripped down his jaw. His own voiceover reminded the watcher of their slogan “Sip into your comfort zone.”

Holy.

Fuck.

They weren’t going to sleep on the plane like he’d thought.

Clop to the Top

Me
Greatest birthday of my life
Ilya wins

Wyatt Hayes
???

Chapter End Notes

I would commit unspeakable acts to see the Canada Dry commercial.
Un.
Speakable.

I can't believe I spent multiple hours agonizing over how to advertise a drink I've never even had. I don't even drink soda lmao

Chapter 6: The Finals it Flared

Chapter Summary

Ilya's finally notched his first win after three rounds of trying. With the finals approaching, what’s he asking as his reward? Things have escalated far enough to start being commented on by the league and the league’s not happy. With Crowell breathing down their necks and the Cup in sight, is it even worth it to keep going?

Chapter Notes

Welp. This took longer than I anticipated. I got hit so hard by writer's block for a hot minute and just stared at a mostly empty google doc for two days. Still probably not fully happy with this one but I can always edit things a touch later. I'll be going back through my prior chapters and fixing some mistakes that have been bugging me today too. I also foolishly distracted myself with a side project fic that hopefully I'll publish one day but no promises until this is finished first.

Hopefully this is good enough for now.

@CanadaDry
Ilya Rozanov-Hollander has a question for you.

[video length 1:01]

Thirsty?

⤷@beardown81
    How did you make a minute long ad last 300 hours? 🥵

⤷@roznotrose
    During the playoffs???? Where does he find the time?????

⤷@rozistheanswer81
    @shanehollander can u fight?

⤷⤷@hill2dyeon
      he’s only been in like 2 fights his entire career but i’d rather join them because…..look at them
      [image attached][image description: Shane and Ilya kissing in the locker room after winning the Stanley Cup in the prior season. Ilya’s left leg is hooked up onto Shane’s thigh and Shane’s hand is holding it up and in place. Both of their shirts are wetted and skin tight from the champagne showers happening around them.]

⤷⤷@shaneystany
      u dont want that smoke
      [video length 0:14][thirst trap edit of Shane working out. Video shows various angles of Shane’s muscles and the heavy weights he used to get them.]

@ilyassecretmole
Sorry to everyone who’s about to see me be horny on main because JESUS CHRIST 🥵

@gedien2481
brb off to buy 20 cases of @CanadaDry so that they keep their ads going

@ilyarozanov81
Happy Birthday to my beloved husband. ❤️ You are my favorite ginger ale addict. ❤️❤️
[5 images attached]
[image 1 description: Shane is bathed in soft sunset light while sitting on a boulder overlooking a small lake at the cottage. He has a three quarter fleece zip on and is wearing his glasses.]
[image 2 description: Ilya and Shane both shirtless in bed, grinning at the camera. Each has a dog cuddled up and asleep under their chins.]
[image 3 description: Shane and Ilya share a kiss at the Centaurs championship parade.]
[image 4 description: Shane and Ilya face off against each other at their first CCM photoshoot.]
[image 5 description: Behind the scenes photo of Ilya at his most recent photoshoot. His phone shows that he is in the middle of a 34 minute call with a contact listed as ‘My Shane ❤️❤️❤️’. He is sticking his tongue out and pointing to the phone in a mocking but knowing way.]

⤷@shanehollander
    I love you too. Thankful for every birthday I get to have with you. ❤️

⤷@mtl2atl
    Wait, do I have to start watching hockey????

⤷⤷@ilyarozanov81
      Yes but not Montreal. Only Ottawa.

⤷⤷⤷@mtl2atl
        Why????? i grew up there

⤷⤷⤷⤷@bosbearsbitch
            oof girlie, do i have bad news for u

⤷@zitismelt
    It’s unfair to me, personally, how hot the first husbands of hockey are
    *@ilyarozanov81 liked this tweet*

⤷@hollanover
    Did he pick the ad release day for Shane’s birthday????? 💀 @CandaDry please confirm???

⤷⤷@CanadaDry
      No comment
      *@ilyarozanov81 liked this tweet*

@MLHUpdates
MLH Commissioner Roger Crowell caught on hot mic discussing “off ice antics” allegedly of hockey husbands Shane Hollander-Rozanov and Ilya Rozanov-Hollander
[video length 0:48]

@shanehollander
Thanks to everyone for the birthday wishes! Yes, I’ve seen Ilya’s ginger ale commercial. You can stop sending it to me.

⤷@GoalieWyattHayes
    He watched it the whole flight. Please think of those affected (me and my teammates). It’s an hour and a half flight!
    *@ZaneBoodram, @barrettplayshockey, and @evandykstrahockey liked this tweet*

⤷@ilyarozanov81
    No ❤️
    [image attached][image description: Ilya Rozanov-Hollander’s Canada Dry “Thirsty?” magazine spread.]

@censfan8124
It’s actually called Canada Wet now 🥵🥵🥵

@rozrozrozx81
[gif attached][image description: looping gif of Ilya Rozanov-Hollander winking during a locker room interview]
Not to be dramatic, but he should have an Oscar

~~~

Almost all of the online chatter was focused on Ilya’s ad instead of their game tomorrow. 

Almost.

There was one other thing cutting through hockey media. A small clip from a hot mic after Crowell’s interview on how the playoffs were shaping up. One of the last questions he’d been asked had been about Shane and Ilya. Not shocking given that they were the faces of the league and were favored to win it all again this year. Both had been on an absolute tear for the last couple of weeks. He’d given a standard, expected answer about their play and urging people to tune in to see what would happen. Ilya would have called it boring but in a mean way, not like how he teased Shane.

But when he walked off the media stage and away from reporters, he kept talking. The mic didn’t cut and now Shane couldn’t stop listening to it.

“How many fucking times am I gonna have to hear about those two?” Someone else probably responded but the mic didn’t pick it up. “No, I know, but Christ almighty, can they cut it out for the playoffs at least? Maybe find some fucking professionalism and stop throwing it in everyone’s faces. Hunter was bad enough. If I have to hand that goddamned Cup to those fucking--”

Shane both needed to know and didn’t ever want to know how that sentence finished. It wasn’t hard to guess. Crowell had never been exactly supportive either. That meeting in his office and the intermittent phone calls over the season hadn’t left much to the imagination. He was lucky the mic cut before he was caught openly saying a slur.

“You are watching it again?” Ilya’s voice was steady but Shane knew he was worried.

“No.”

“Hollander.”

“Yeah.” He put his phone down on the nightstand and shifted so he fit himself snugly into Ilya’s side. They should have been going to bed before what would hopefully be the last game of their series. It wasn’t late but they were both exhausted from a mix of travel and…vigorous exercise.

They’d met up with Marlow and a few of the Boston guys for dinner as the only real break in the day other than their flight. It was nice to see Ilya fall back into some of his dumb younger habits. The Bears gave him shit for not drinking the night before a game telling him that Shane had him whipped but it was all in good fun. When Ilya left to use the restroom at one point, Marlow had spoken softly to him “Thanks for letting us bother you guys on your birthday. We all miss him but I get why he moved. You know he never shuts up about you, right?”

A few of the Bears cheersed a shot with “fuck Crowell” later in the evening when someone pulled their phone out to show them the video. Ilya had looked murderous at the tiny screen. Connors joked that it was lucky that phones were so much stronger nowadays but there was a fog of tension for the rest of the night.

“We have been a bit over the top recently,” Shane said with some embarrassment.

“So what?” Ilya dismissed. “I love you over the top. I want to show it.” Shane smiled lightly at that and kissed Ilya’s chest.

“I guess we could tone it down though.”

“No.” Ilya was firm, his arm squeezed tight against Shane. “You can do what you want but I’m not going to. I have bet to keep winning. I’m going to make you wear glasses at home every day for the rest of my life. Maybe make you get laser eye surgery so you need to wear them all the time.”

“I’ve won twice and you’ve only won once. I’m still up.”

“You’re going to do laundry in your glasses every week for the next month.” He was ridiculous. “If you want to stop with our bet we can. I know that you have no chance to beat me ever again. Not now that I have very sexy ad campaign.”

“Oh fuck off.”

“No, no, is alright. You are married to world’s greatest hockey player and hottest ginger ale salesman He can protect you from stupid fucking Crowell since he’s so scary.” Ilya was joking, he could hear it in his tone. But there was a feeling like he was egging him on. Like that first night they’d made their bet a few months back. 

“Protect me?” he said incredulously.

“Da, since Canada’s Golden Boy would never fight back.”

“I know exactly what you’re doing.”

“Am doing nothing. I am innocent and sexy ginger ale salesman.” He kissed Shane’s cheek and nipped at his jaw as he reached to the far nightstand and grabbed at Shane’s phone. He tossed it near their midsections. “You want to say something. Say it.”

“I don’t--”

“Did you see League statement?” He had. It was bullshit. Clearly a rush job by their PR office. Something about the MLH being focused on hockey and comments being misconstrued. They didn’t even say Ilya, Scott, or his name. Nothing directly about the overt homophobia or wanting the Centaurs to lose.

“Yeah, it was bad.”

“Tell them. I like watching you embarrass MLH on and off the ice. Is very sexy.”

“You’re gonna make me piss off mom and Harris.”

“Oh no. What a nightmare. Have never done that before.” His hand started to creep down Shane’s stomach. His fingers walked slowly to the dip of his hips while his mouth started working on Shane’s neck. Shane let his head fall to the side to give Ilya room to continue. He felt a groan of contentment rise out from deep in his throat. “Write.”

All the blood was leaving his brain at the moment. He’d blame that for the short post and lack of impulse control. Ilya was a terrible influence.

~~~

@shanehollander
#letscomparecontext
[3 images attached]
[image 1 description: screenshot of the official MLH Twitter account’s post earlier that day reading “The MLH playoffs are the focus of Comm. Crowell. The League remains committed to showing the world what great hockey and great competition looks like. When taken in full context and without audio distortion it is clear that our Commissioner feels the same. The matter has been handled internally.”]
[image 2 description: Ilya and Shane both in suits at the MLH Awards the summer after being outed. They are in a semi-circle line up of various MLH executives including Comm. Crowell. Crowell has a thin, terse smile.]
[image 3 description: Roger Crowell embracing Dallas Kent at his final MLH Awards before being arrested. There is a wide smile on Crowell’s face, appearing to be mid-laughter.]

⤷@hollyhollyhollander
    holy shit, who let him off the leash 💀

⤷@hockeyfailz
    ok this is actually wild work

⤷@rozanov81goat
    There is no universe where Rozanov didn’t ghost write this

@ScottHunterReal
#letscomparecontext
[2 images attached]
[image 1 description: Roger Crowell presenting the Hart Memorial Trophy in 2015 to league MVP Robert Smythe. He is hugging him and has a large smile on his face.]
[image 2 description: Scott Hunter is presented with the same award in 2016. Crowell reaches far forward to shake his hand, mouth drawn to a line.]

⤷@admiralfleet21
    The side by side is crazy

⤷@freezsidke
    Sat patiently for the next bs pr statement 🙄😒

@ilyarozanov81
#letscomparecontext
[2 images attached]
[image 1 description: Crowell congratulating Ilya with an effusive smile and arms wide, about to hug him, as he accepts the Hart Memorial Trophy in 2014]
[image 2 description: Crowell stands to the side, arms crossed and face blank as Ilya hoists the same trophy in 2023.]

@MLHUpdates
Seeing some of those comparisons makes it kind of crazy that Crowell is staying employed. Can’t imagine the owners are excited about this kind of coverage. #letscomparecontext

@haydenpike35
#letscomparecontext
[2 images attached]
[image 1 description: Roger Crowell hands the Stanley Cup to Shane Hollander in 2020 looking happy, almost proud of the player’s accomplishment.]
[image 2 description: Roger Crowell hands the Stanley Cup to Ilya Rozanov-Hollander in 2023, his face neutral.]

⤷@shilyasseconddog
    You know it’s bad when HAYDEN PIKE is going to bat for ILYA 

⤷⤷@haydenpike35
      Rozanov’s the most annoying person I know but @shanehollander doesn’t deserve the treatment he’s received for marrying him

⤷⤷⤷@ilyarozanov81
        I’m sending your 81 kids more jerseys 😘

~~~

Three days. They had three days of absolutely nothing between beating Boston and starting prep for taking on Colorado. Sure, the series wouldn’t start up for a bit longer, but Coach Wiebe wanted to make sure everyone had adequate rest before they locked back in for the finals. Ilya had had about a million ideas for what he could do with three whole days and explicit instructions from their coach to “focus on themselves, not hockey.”

And those plans would have to wait until after the morning. He had a bet to nuke from orbit. They hadn't explicitly agreed to keep the bet going but Shane’s post about Crowell had gotten them into so much hot water with the League that it sent his pretty husband into a panic attack when they should have been celebrating heading to the Finals. He wanted to get to the celebrating part. 

He was at least 30% convinced that Wiebe’s directions to unplug were for Shane's sole benefit. It was admirable that their coach cared so deeply and knew what his players needed when they needed it. He was also wrong.

Sure, it would fix some of his stress in the short term. But the requests for comment would keep pouring in. The furious emails to his mother from the League would still be filtered to him in parts. He’d have to go back online at some point and without anything else for hockey twitter to dwell on, this would stay the focus unless Ilya could do something distracting. 

So he was going to do something profoundly stupid.

Shane was out picking up groceries after his morning workout at the Cens complex. He’d texted Ilya about being recognized at their local spot a minute ago and how he probably smiled weird in the picture the guy took with him.

“Do you think I should do it?” He’d squatted down to be as close as he could to eye level with Anya and Katya. It was just him and his girls so the Russian words flowed easily from him. “He will be very mad at me but I think he will forgive me quickly. I am very convincing.” They didn’t respond. Katya’s tail wagged a little bit but that was her default state. “Ok. I’ll do it.”

He hit post on twitter. Then he hit post again.

Me
Sorry

Chiron’s Caretaker
WHAT NOW

Me
Is not bad.
Shane needs distraction.
I do it all for love.

Chiron’s Caretaker
You can’t just say that every time

Me
Is true every time.

Chiron’s Caretaker
Stop being cute while you torment me

Me
😈😘

Apology done. He could turn his phone off for a few hours and let responses flow in, unmonitored. He wished he could be a fly on the wall in Crowell’s office. If he didn't like how public they were before, oh boy strap in.

Ilya went back to his pointless reality tv with captions. It helped with slang and regional accents for his English. That’s what he told Shane. It was probably true a decade ago? Maybe?

He was mindlessly throwing a ball through the house for the girls when Shane came home. They both ran to the door to greet him and Ilya followed shortly after to help with groceries.

“It was you?”

Oh, so he’d seen.

“What was me?” Ilya said innocently. He was so good at this. His acting was amazing.

“Oh fuck off. Hayes already put it in the group chat.” It was always fucking Hayes. How did a guy with eyes that sharp spend ten hours a day staring at a phone screen? 

“Sorry, phone is off. I wanted to spend the day doing what coach said. Me time.” 

“You are absolutely insane.” There was a broad smile on his face. His eyes were sparkling with joy. He wasn’t mad at him. He put away the last of the groceries and Ilya crossed to hug him from behind. He traced a well known path of open mouthed kisses up Shane’s neck. “People are gonna think you’re a stalker.”

“Would not be fair. You talk to me first.” Shane turned around and intertwined his hands into Ilya’s curls. Ilya’s hands rested on Shane’s hips, his thumb brushing up and down underneath his clothing. “But is true. I am obsessed with my husband. This is not secret.”

“Ilya, that account’s been up for years.”

“You have been pretty for many years,” he tilted his head down to kiss him. “You are not mad?”

“I’m in awe of the audacity. What if you got caught?”

“Would not happen. My phone would never be in Pike’s fanmail videos.” Shane laughed at that. A short breathed out chuckle that he didn’t even open his mouth for. He had been a tiny bit worried that Shane would be pissed at him. This was a massive relief.

“Who the fuck runs a stan account for their hook up?”

“Me.”

~~~

@shanepics24
hehe😈😘
[image attached][image description: Shane is asleep on Ilya’s chest, both shirtless. Shane’s mouth hangs open, drooling on Ilya. The photo is clearly a selfie taken by Ilya as he makes a kissy face at the camera.]

⤷@rozisthereason
    wow, he’s just like me (drooling over Ilya Rozanov-Hollander shirtless)

⤷@shilya2481
    this account finds the funniest pics every time lmao

⤷@hollanova
    This doesn’t come up on reverse image search. Hello????

⤷⤷@ilyarozanov81
      Oops wrong account 😳

⤷@itshollandover
    This account started in 2013?!??!!1

@ilyarozanov81
The whole time 😈

⤷@drover.harris
    This isn’t even that weird for you

⤷@GoalieWyattHayes
    Most predictable plot twist in the world

⤷@shanehollander
    You're obnoxious. At least it’s from after we were already together.

⤷⤷@hollanova
      EXCUSE ME 

⤷⤷@shane24ever
      BEFOER 2013???

⤷⤷@voyaguerssgirl
      ok so before the Cup wins for both of them so our trade continues to get worse years later

~~~

Clippity Cloppity the Cup is Our Property

Wyatt Hayes
lmfao Roz is insane for this one 😂
[link]

Evan Dykstra
Do you ever log off? Coach couldn’t have been more specific

Wyatt Hayes
This was worth it 👀

Troy Barrett
Do we back date the flirt jar to include this? We might bankrupt him.

Nick Chouinard
Yes. Think of the children. 

Luca Haas
I think it’s sweet.

Tanner Dillon
bro this account is so old. how long was Cap obsessed? 💀💀

Zane Boodram
Cap, since 2013 are you serious?! 💀

Evan Dykstra
Since WHEN?

Nick Chouinard
How did we undersell how long Cap has been pining?

Me
It wasn’t since 2013.

Wyatt Hayes
Uh-oh are we getting Roz in trouble?  😬

Nick Young
Hollzy, did you not know?

Zane Boodram
How long after this did you guys actually get together then?

Wyatt Hayes
NO FUCKING WAY
[link]

Garret Holmberg
It was before 2013???

Troy Barrett
How tf did you manage to hide in plain sight for 8 years

Me
It wasn’t 8 years

Evan Dykstra
Can you knock off this cryptic shit ffs 
*4 people emphasized this message*

Tanner Dillon
Hollzy, what the actual fuck. When???/??

Me
2010
Summer

Wyatt Hayes
HOLY SHIT

Nick Young
That’s longer than Haasy’s been alive 💀

Evan Dykstra
I have so many fucking questions

Me
When did you guys think?

Zane Boodram
Not since rookie season Jesus fucking Christ

Me
Before rookie season

Nick Chouinard
The MLH sits on a throne of lies

Troy Barrett
I think everyone assumed 2017
Did you cheat on Ilya with Rose Landry or was that never real?

Me
Absolutely not. No cheating.
We weren’t exclusive until 2017.
I broke up with Ilya in 2016 for a while but he doesn’t like to talk about it.
He wanted to get serious and it freaked me out.

Wyatt Hayes
I need to go lie down in front of a fan

Nick Chouinard
A fan? I’m lying down in traffic

Garret Holmberg
How tf did *you* out fuckboy Ilya Rozanov???
*6 people emphasized this message*

Me
[gif][image description: Ilya Rozanov-Hollander winks during a post game interview]

Troy Barrett
We need to ban that fucking gif in this chat
*7 people liked this message*

~~~

In 30 seconds he’d have his fifth Cup. Not even half as many as Henri Richards but he could get there. With Ilya he could do anything. They were up 2-0 in game 5 against Colorado.

In 20 seconds he’d hoist the Cup again. For the second time as a player instead of a captain. He’d watch his husband shake hands with Crowell, probably harder than he’d need to and lift the massive trophy high above his head.

In 10 seconds he’d be in the off season. Summer camps and parades. Warm nights cuddled up around the fire. Lazing in shorts and Ilya’s t-shirts until the late afternoon. 

In 5 seconds he’d see proof again that it had all been worth it. That nothing else mattered because Ilya would look at him with perfect exuberant joy and love. He’d look at him like he’d hung the moon. Like he was the reason birds sang. Like the reason that stars fell was to be close to him. Like time only passed so it could be spent to gaze into his eyes.

Because right now, as the final blaring buzz sounded to end the game, while the crowd screamed at the top of their lungs and not a single person in the arena was sitting, as his entire family watched either here or on tv, without even a hint of doubt that they had earned everything they’d fought for, this part of his life was perfect. 

Ilya found him, before he knew he was being looked for and crashed into him for a hug. The rest of the team collapsed around them into one huddled mass of celebration. Even over the noise and revelry of the crowd and their teammates he could hear Ilya repeating I love yous in Russian like they were a prayer. Yelling it at him loud enough that Ilya’s family could probably hear it all the way in Russia.

When they posed for their team photograph in front of the Cup, Shane swept Ilya into a deep kiss. They’d do one without it too but he knew Ilya would love it. And he would too. The MLH would never use it as the official announcement photo but he could have it. It could be theirs for the rest of their lives. He could hang it in their bedroom, their kitchen, their mantle. Because it was them, together. 

While the other families poured out onto the rink, Ilya couldn’t keep his hands away from him or his eyes off him. Shane couldn’t either. They skated hand in hand to meet David and Yuna. They said hi to their teammates' kids. It all blurred in the way these chaotic moments of triumph always did. He barely realized they’d been funneled into the locker room until Ilya was jumping up and down with a bottle of champagne spraying over everyone.

His hair was wet and flat against his head from a combination of sweat and alcohol. Shane had to run his hands through it to slick it back. He had to hold him close and kiss the champagne off his lips. He had to make him close his eyes and lean into him. He had to wrap his legs around him as Ilya picked him up like they’d done a thousand and one times in private.

“I fucking love you.”

“I love you more.”

~~~

Nine days straight of drinking and debauchery later, Ilya was spent. He was glad that they’d won it at home this year. Quicker this time too. They could go home after the game and bars, unbothered about noise or space. They didn’t have to wake up for an early flight time. The WAGs could all come out with them, childcare close to home this time. He’d won it at home in Boston the first time too. This one was better.

“Good morning,” Shane said, pulling him out of his reminiscent haze. 

“Good morning.” He pressed a kiss to Shane’s shoulder as he spooned him from behind. 

“Parade’s today. Do you wanna go for a run before?” Ilya pulled his husband closer, trying his best to impersonate a koala the way he wrapped himself around him.

“No. I want to stay here with you until you yell at me for making us late.”

“We can’t be late to our own parade, Ilya.” Even with his head buried between Shane’s shoulder blades, he could hear the grin in his voice.

“Am not thinking they will start without Captain or his beautiful WAG.”

“You’re my WAG. I have two more Cups than you.”

“Sorry, is so early and my English is not so good at this time.”

“Fuck off.”

They laid there, making no efforts to start their day. Ilya could fall back asleep like this. Shane might even let him too. 

“I was thinking about my reward for winning.” He said after another few minutes of blissful quiet.

“We both won.”

“No, no, more important contest. Our bet.” He pressed another kiss to the back of Shane’s neck.

“I’m not getting eye surgery to make my vision worse.”

“Of course not. What if they mess up and the world loses its prettiest pair of eyes?” Shane gave him one of his breathy laughs. The noncommittal one that he knew came paired with the start of blush across his pretty freckles. “I was thinking we should do a vow renewal.”

“What?” Shane turned in bed to face him, looking at him quizzically. 

“Not this summer, would not be enough time to make big plans.”

“Big plans?”

“Yes, I loved our wedding and I love you but I was thinking maybe we do it without the rush? Time has passed. Things are better. We could have more people there for both of us this time. I was thinking maybe anniversary gift for five years?”

“We’ll only be at three this summer.”

“Yes, but you are not the only one who wants to make life long plans.” Shane swept him up in a kiss, long and devoted. 

“I love you.”

“Is that a yes?”

“When it’s you asking? Always.”

It was easy being partners. They understood each other better than anyone ever had. With the entirety of their adult lives orbiting each other like binary stars, they knew how to push at each other to set a perfect harmony. Even if it looked like they were fighting each other’s pull, they had been silently on the same team since a cold day in Saskatchewan when Cupid drafted them both in the first round under a no smoking sign.

They probably never needed the bet.

But Ilya would remind him for the rest of their lives that he won.

Chapter End Notes

Don't worry, the crack fic elements will be back for the final chapter. I'm not ready to go full earnest. I think it might kill me.

I'm doing an expanded version of the look-alike contest in chapter 4 so if you want your username included as a random person's twitter handle, lmk in the comments. It's one of the things I truly suck at trying to come up with so help me out if you can lol

Chapter 7: The Summer It Culminated

Chapter Summary

All good things must come to an end. Their vow renewal is on the horizon but there’s no agreement on how to handle everything in the planning stages. Luckily, they already have a battle tested method for settling disputes.

Chapter Notes

I know someone posted this on twitter even though I don't have twitter for two reasons. 1. I got like 50k hits in 2 days which is insane. 2. My coworker sent me a screenshot of it at 8AM on a Tuesday with the message "You have girl bossed too close to the sun." What a way to start the day.
With all sincerity, I straight up cannot believe that anyone's read a word of this. I have loved writing since I was a teenager but never thought I was particularly good at it. The fact that anyone's enjoyed a single sentence is crazy to me. I was nervous to post anything and I've been nervous since I got my first kudos that I'd let everyone down and write something that turned out to suck or worse, that I'd abandon it and leave people hanging with no resolution instead of a mediocre one.
I hope people feel like I stuck the landing. I'm proud I finished this. I hope you like it.

Planning a proper party and celebration of their relationship was supposed to be a fun bonding experience. They’d thrown things together the first time out of both urgency and the chaotic social dynamics that enveloped them at the time. With everything stable and their lives together fully settled, this should have been easy like everything else was. 

But unfortunately for Shane, he was marrying the love of his life. And the love of his life reveled in being a chaotic asshole who committed too hard to the bit.

“For the last time, we aren’t going chairless again.” It was ridiculous that he even had to have this conversation. Hayes made a joke about it after he and Ilya mentioned to the team that they were probably doing a vow renewal at the end of the next season and Ilya latched onto it like it was a new part of his personality.

“You are so boring, Hollander,” Ilya groaned. “It is our signature wedding format. Everyone knows us for this. They will think they stumbled into strangers’ vow renewal if they see seating.”

“No, we still get shit for it. I think someone at popbase actually did reach out to Hayes for comment about it a year and a half ago.” 

“I know! Is why we should do it again. Maybe we send them the pictures from our photographers this time, hmm?” 

Was it too late to go back in time and say “sometimes” instead of “I do”? He would be seriously considering it if it weren’t for the hands on his hips and the teasing smirk on his husband’s face. Two of the things he knew could melt him instantly. If it weren’t for such a serious topic, he probably would have given in without much resistance. 

“No,” he said firmly. “I’m not agreeing to that even though you won. This is for both of us.”

“But I did win.”

“Only for me to say yes.”

“You said you would have anyway. I use it for now instead. No chairs.”

“Not how that works.”

“So we make new bet. I beat you again. Make everyone stand and have stretcher ready for when old man Hunter passes out from effort.” Oh fuck him, he’d won two out of three rounds. He could take him in this easily again. There was only one problem.

“We have to reserve the seating for the venue logistics before we pick catering and the DJ. We don’t have the time it takes to beat you,” Shane said.

“You mean for you to lose,” Ilya corrected. “Is no problem, we do head to head. Shootout rules.”

“What do you mean?”

“We only get one post. Same rules but only what we have on our phones right now.” Shane thought about it. Ilya probably had thirty times as many pictures as he did. Most of them were probably the dogs or weird Shane selfies though. Sure, there were a few thirst traps and probably--

“You can’t post a dick pic. My mom and Harris would kill you.” Seeing Ilya’s contemplative face he added further, “It’s cheating. Bet null and void. Like the shirt thing.”

“Is no problem,” he said, clearly pivoting from the expression on his face. Shane could almost see an imaginary rolodex flip through Ilya’s eyes as he mentally catalogued what was probably on his phone. “I have many pictures to show how hot I am. I know what people like.”

“One post. One picture.” Ilya immediately pulled his phone out and started typing. He was definitely about to tell people why he was posting. “Ten words max. No begging for everyone to share it.”

Ilya’s head whipped up and he narrowed his eyes. “I can do it in five. You need more than that?” He was scrolling through the phone now without looking. Fuck, it must be something from far back. 

Shane shook his head and pulled out his own phone. Something old, huh? Something--

He knew just what to post.

“I’ll do it in two.”

~~~

@ilyarozanov81
For longer than you think
[image attached]
[image description: Ilya has taken a high angle selfie. A white ribbed sleeveless shirt is pulled up and held in his teeth to show off his abs. Over top this is a Montreal WAGs 2015 championship jacket.]

⤷@hollanovtruther
    If I end up in a psych ward for the next 72 hours, this is the reason

⤷@roz24hollzy
    HE HAD A WAGS JACKET 😱😱😱😱😱😱

⤷@jensays2481
    i would gladly donate them my uterus for the cause of creating the next generation of hot hockey gods

⤷@mtlpuckit
    since Shane's first Cup????

⤷⤷@hollanova
      We already knew it was since 2013 from that stan account Ilya’s been running

⤷@voyaguerssgirl
    My suffering will never end 😭😭😭 I fucking hate this franchise 🥲

⤷@jackiePikeWAG
    lol stop stealing my jacket to thirst trap your husband 😂

⤷⤷@ilyarozanov81
      No, this is my very sexy jacket because I am #1 WAG 

@jackiePikeWAG
[image attached][image description: Jackie flipping off Ilya who is turned away from her, posing in her old WAG jacket.]
He’s worse than my sister with stealing my clothes 🤣😂🤣

⤷@ilyarozanov81
    This is what happens when you did not let me join WAG chat 😒

⤷⤷@jackiePikeWAG
      You didn’t tell us about you so it’s your fault

⤷⤷⤷@ilyarozanov81
        No. Is biphobia 😡

⤷@rozanovupddates
    Ok but why can he wear anything and still look good

⤷@dkisenklso
    That’s his jacket now
    *@ilyarozanov81 liked this tweet*

@shanehollander
First date 💘
[image attached]
[image description: Shane and Ilya face off at their first CCM photoshoot. Shane is trying to bite back the smile but Ilya has fully given into it and appears to be laughing. They are teenagers.]

⤷@voyageurssgirl
    HWHAT HOW

⤷@hollanova
    THE WHOLE TIME 💀

⤷⤷@shanehollander
      Yeah.

@CCMHockey
#TBT to commercial BTS for the first filmed promo for @ilyarozanov81 and @shanehollander
[video length 14:07]

⤷@ilyarozanov81
    I look so pretty in this. Shane is also there.

⤷⤷@shanehollander
      You literally call me pretty in the video. They just didn’t have us mic’ed

⤷⤷⤷@ilyarozanov81
        Lies

⤷@hollanovtracker
    Omg they were BABIES! 🥺

⤷@rozisthereason
    14 minutes is not long enough, release the director’s cut. i want this shit to be lord of the rings length

⤷@sildersun
    Ilya’s eyes are sparkling. I think I just watched that man fall in love 🥺🥺

⤷@hollandryera
    They had to hide this from us because no one would believe Shane Hollander was a serious hockey robot like they made him out to be if this leaked

@shanehollander
Thank you to everyone for helping me settle a marital dispute!

@ilyarozanov81
You have all betrayed me 😡 I will not post Anya for 72 hours until you learn I am funnier and cooler than @shanehollander

~~~

Hockey was done for the season, no ring this time but a conference finals appearance was nothing to sneeze at. They’d get it again next year when Bood wasn’t hurt and Luca had all his ribs healed. Shane’s hip had been giving him problems since the All-Star Break too but the off season would give him a chance to get proper rest and PT to reset it. Their window wasn’t closed. They could focus on the final touches for the other most important thing in their lives; each other.

The venue was set. The catering was set. The guest list was finalized. They only had two more appointments with their day of coordinator and wedding planner until the renewal in two months. Everything was good and even Shane’s frenetic energy was settling into excited anticipation.

Shane had taken the lead on a good amount of the actual planning and organization. He loved a spreadsheet and an excuse to make a phone tree. Watching him spend hours price and rating comparing on his laptop with the intensity he reviewed game tape should not have turned on Ilya as much as it did. But Shane’s the one that kept wearing his glasses to do it. It probably added an extra month before they could finalize all the details.

But this part of the planning? This part was all Ilya.

“Ok you fuckers, listen up!” They’d packed far more people than their living room could comfortably seat for one purpose. “Welcome to the 2026 Rozanov-Hollander Bachelor Party Draft!”

The drinks in everyone’s hands went up in a chorus of cheers. Shane took the podium they’d stolen from the press room to give the outline of the rules. Harris had designed a mock logo of the MLH to read “RHBP” and it had been slapped on the front.

After being together for so many years most of their friend groups had merged at least in part. Sure, there were people that each of them were closer with but they didn't want to have to fight over the team or make anyone choose sides. This was the best solution they came up with after almost no testing or thought to it. 

“Thanks for coming, everyone. I think we’ve gone over most of this but in case anyone needs a refresher, I’ve made a powerpoint.” Ilya couldn’t believe that this was the man he’d fallen for. He’d given up his family, his first team, his country all for a man who turned a bachelor party into a powerpoint. It was the most brilliant decision of his life. 

He should make them get married a third time immediately after this was over. Maybe he should make a powerpoint to explain why it would be necessary as well as hot. Or a spreadsheet to explain why they should spend the next 50 years doing nothing but spreading sheets. He tucked that away for later, when it would genuinely piss Shane off to hear it.

“Ok so we’ve got Hayden and Cliff as our GMs for the night. They will be performing their draft duties and have planned our respective parties with each of us in mind. Everyone here is available for drafting. Next slide.” He was so clinical about it. So far he was the only one that hadn’t had a drink because he was such a lightweight that it would have been cruel to make him start now. He hoped Hayden took a million pictures tonight so he could see his dumb drunk half smile where he pretended he was still in full control. 

Whoever had Shane’s phone for the night better let him make a slurred phone call when he was four drinks in just so he could hear about how much he wished he was running his hands through Ilya’s hair or holding his hand. He’d probably say it in whispers, like it was the filthiest conversation he could be having in public. Even thinking about it now made Ilya bite his lip and let his eyes wander his husband’s lower half.

“We’re competing for who can have a higher trending hashtag on twitter tonight and it will extend through the rest of the weekend. Metrics and analysis will be presented by Harris by the end of the next week. Winning party gets full use of the cottage for the entire month of our second honeymoon. You guys can figure out how to split it up, just don’t burn the place down.”

That was the party’s reward, yes, but the two of them were also using it to pick whose honeymoon they were going on. Ilya was still between Bali, Rio, and Fire Island, but leaning towards Bali. Shane wanted to go to boring Antwerp and look at museums. He had to hear for thirty minutes about a fucking saxophone museum in Brussels and he knew for a fact that Hollander had never played the saxophone or listened to jazz music at all. He was so bad at picking vacations.

“Which brings us to our next slide.” It flipped to a recent post from Rose Landry’s instagram. “Rose is stuck in South Africa on location for her next X-Squad movie. I’ve heard it’s gonna suck and she’d much rather be here but that means that the competition is wide open. No one gets the automatic win of having her on the team”

“Next slide. Thank you to everyone for participating in the survey monkey we sent out last week for voting on our team names. Against my will and better judgement the draft teams are,” he flipped to a ridiculous photoshop of a Centaurs home and away jerseys with the team names, “Serious Simps and Reformed Rakes.”

Cliff immediately clapped Ilya on the back, “That’s my ex-slut of a captain! Let’s fucking go!!” 

The clapping from various Centaurs and Bears made Ilya stand up to do a dramatic bow, playing into all of it for his adoring fans. Shane could only shake his hand and laugh at the antics. Showing off for him was always the right choice.

“Ok, alright, settle down. We’re doing a coin flip to keep it fair for everyone on who gets the first pick. I’ll take heads and Ilya can be tails.”

“I do not I would be tails.” He puts on his most devilish smile and says it loud enough that Pike chokes on his drink. He can see a dusting of blush come over Shane's cheeks. Perfect, exactly what he was aiming for. “But is up to you, moy lyubimyy.”

Shan flips the coin and smiles. “Looks like it's Serious Simps with the first overall pick.”

Hayden was wearing a suit for this part of the evening, insisting that he get into character. “With the first pick of the RHBP Draft, the Serious Simps select Harris Drover, social media extraordinaire.”

It was smart. Harris knew how to make content. He was damn good at his day job and he had a sizable following from that and his relationship with Troy. But Ilya wanted to go in a different direction with his team composition. Cliff took his turn at the podium.

“With the second overall pick in the RHBP Draft, the Reformed Rakes select Jackie Pike, WAG Army captain.”

“What the fuck Marlow!” Hayden instantly reacted. “You can't do that.”

“Sorry dude, ownership’s breathing down my neck.” Hayden glared at both of them with actual, real anger. Jackie, on the other hand, looked like she was gonna start crying from how hard she was laughing.

He'd told Marlow to take Jackie first no matter what for a few reasons. First, it would piss off Hayden and that was always in the back of his mind. Second, Jackie was a great hang. And third, she had access to the WAG network and everyone in it followed her.

“No, I demand a fucking trade. My wife, seriously, Rozanov?”

“She is great asset to the team.” Ilya knew just the way to push his buttons to get him to deviate from whatever Shane had carefully crafted.

“Fine, we're taking Luca then.” Good. As anticipated.

“Troy, you're with us.”

The two best men/GMs split the rest of the groups with only minor need to change the plan here and there. He and Marlow had wargamed this out for the last few weeks with the playoffs were happening. Once Ilya and Cliff’s teams were knocked out of contention, this had their full focus. Judging by Shane's not-so-secret nightly facetimes with Pike, it had theirs too. How badly did his boring husband want to go to Belgium? Maybe he could plan a trip there later after he crushed him tonight.

After another round of drinks and only one almost fist fight, the teams were:

Shane’s Serious Simps

Hayden Pike*
Harris Drover
Luca Haas
JJ Boiziau
Wyatt Hayes
Zane Boodram
Nick Young
Garret Holmberg
Zachary LaPointe
Lisa Hayes
Cassie Boodram

Rozanov’s Reformed Rakes

Cliff Marlow*
Jackie Pike
Troy Barrett
Kip Grady
Nick Chouinard
Tanner Dillon
Evan Dykstra
Connor Connors
Caitlin Dykstra
Ryan Carmichael

Ilya’s team had the final pick which meant he was stuck with--

“Fuck you, Pike,” Scott Hunter complained. He could see this coming about half way through the draft. This was Shane’s subtle revenge for taking Jackie off the board. He was starting to wonder if it was worth it. At least Hunter had a good following.

“I was under strict orders. I don’t like it either. Good luck with him.”

“Malysh, why you do this to me? He will be asleep before we make it to our first stop.” Shane shrugged at him, not even making eye contact as his team gathered around him.

“We’re gonna see so many fucking museums in a couple months.” 

It. Was. On.

They both took separate rooms of the house to explain to their respective sides what the plan for the day/night/early hours of the morning were. There was a plan for the next day to bring everyone back together for brunch as an additional thank you for coming into town and check in that both sides were still alive. Shane had expressed a not inappropriate amount of fear that whatever Marlow and Ilya had planned would kill the average liver.

He had one more thing to do before they split up for the night. Ilya did the mental math on who Shane would give his phone to for the night once he got drunk enough between Pike and Harris and risked it.

“Harris, we need to talk.”

“No, no, no, I’m not colluding with the enemy.” His serious tone was deeply undercut by the flush of mild intoxication and beaming face.

“Is deadly important. Please, let me talk.” He pulled them into the bathroom.

“Is everything ok? Is Shane--oh god are Anya and Katya--?!”

“Yes, yes, everyone is fine. Anya and Katya are at their grandparents for the weekend. No, what I talk to you about now is critical. You are sober enough to remember, yes?” He nodded, taking in every word and making sure he committed it to memory.

“Yes, what do you need?”

“Ok so after four drinks Shane will want to call me and ask for dick pics. Harris--wait don’t leave--Harris, I need you to give him his phone.” 

“You said this was serious.”

“It is most serious thing in world. Harris, please. You have no idea how cute he is when he tries to pretend he’s not drunk. It only happens once a year or less. Last time was during Cup celebrations. If I miss this I will never forgive you.”

“Ilya, I’m getting into the limo and will not be talking to you until brunch. Have fun at your bachelor party.”

“Harris,” he put a hand on the door to stop him from leaving. “I know when your anniversary with Troy is. I will post things so terrible that they ruin anything you have planned with pretty husband.”

“You wouldn’t.” He should have never made it a challenge. Serious miscalculation by Harris.

“Have posted things before without meaning to. Could happen again.” Harris’s eyes went wide. The realization hit him like he was rammed into the boards while on a free skate at a community rink. “My fingers are very slippery. Boston’s PR manager was very mad at me. Worked very late for many days.”

Harris’s eyes turned to slits. He did his own mental math now on how serious the threat was. Ilya was probably insane enough to post a picture of his husband’s bare ass to win an argument. Lord knows what he’d post of himself. It would lose him a minimum three hours of anniversary time. Not worth it.

“You get fifteen minutes of phone time max.” He sounded like a strict parent who was trying to maintain an air of control when they’d just given into a teenager.

“I love you, Harris. Best Centaur.” He could have kissed him on the cheek if Harris wasn’t looking at him with such disdain and clear want to escape the conversation.

Ilya checked himself in the bathroom mirror before stepping out, hoping to find Shane for a goodbye kiss before the parties fully drove their separate ways. They all had matching bachelor party shirts with the logos Harris had kindly designed but the black bomber jacket he had over it matched his stylized torn jeans to make sure he still looked as hot as possible for his husband. He hiked his pants up on his ass to cup it ever so slightly more and stepped outside to try to find him.

He was planning on it but the moment he opened the door, Shane was there.

“Hey,” he said. There was a beat before launching himself onto Ilya’s mouth. His tongue flicked across Ilya’s teeth. Ilya couldn’t keep the low rumble from his chest from escaping from his mouth. “I don’t think we have enough time for that.”

“I’m willing to be late.” Shane kissed him again quickly, but pulled away. Such a tease. So cruel, his husband was.

“I’ll be home late. We’ve got plans until bar close.”

“I’ll be home later than that.” He dipped for another kiss and held their faces close. “I love you. Promise not to make feet cold?”

“Get cold feet, and it’s not even a consideration.” Shane looked into his eyes like he was something spectacular. He could see real, pure love in the way he kept having to look down, like he was looking into the sun. As if he couldn’t stare directly at him for too long because of the worry that it would permanently take away his chance to see him at golden hour again. He was the center of his universe and also a force to worship. “I love you more.”

And in the moment he almost believed it. 

But then he felt how his pulse quickened. How his eyes couldn’t stop being drawn to Shane’s mouth. The way his entire body asked to be closer to his pretty Canadian. It was the way he knew that if Shane asked, he’d cancel the entire night and lock everyone out just to watch some old terrible quality documentary about the history of hockey in what would become Poland during WWI. He’d even like it because he could picture how intensely Shane would be hooked on every word. No one could love anyone more than that. 

Yet another thing he was better at.

~~~

@ilyarozanov81
Hello to my very naughty followers 😈 I am going to be very hot and cool tonight but if you don’t get #TeamIlya to the top of trending I will start wearing clothes for my @CanadaDry ads. 

⤷@groupthink24
    This is a Revengers level threat #TeamIlya

⤷@rozsleftpinky
    He’s not using #TeamMe this time 😱 I think he’s being serious #TeamIlya

⤷@CanadaDry
    We did not agree to this. Don’t mess this up, everyone. #TeamIlya

@shanehollander
Gang’s all here #TeamShane
[image attached][image description: Shane is flanked by everyone from his bachelor party posed in front of mid-sized boat]

@drover.harris
I better see everyone using #TeamShane because I refuse to lose to @barrettplayshockey when we’re finally on my playing field

⤷@barrettplayshockey
    I never lose 😎 #TeamIlya

@nickchouinard
[image attached][image description: a bullseye target with an axe just off center buried into the wood by the handle instead of the blade]
He's done this four times. What the fuck is Shane feeding him? #TeamIlya

⤷@connorx2s
    He did this in Boston too. It's not Shane. #TeamIlya

⤷⤷@cliff_marlow
      Yeah when he was in Boston it was “Jane’s” fault, totally different 😂 #TeamIlya

⤷⤷⤷@connorx2s
          Oh my God. Jane=Shane do I pass concussion protocol because I'm simple? #TeamIlya

⤷@ilyarozanov81
    I do cooking. Shane eats like bird scared of bread. 🙄 #TeamIlya

⤷⤷@shanehollander
       I eat twice the protein you do half the time and three times the cruciferous vegetables #TeamShane

⤷⤷⤷@ilyarozanov81
        Am sorry, too drunk to speak bird right now #TeamIlya

@AxedOttawa
Who wore it better? 👀 #TeamIlya
[2 image attached][image descriptions: side by side comparison of Ilya Rozanov-Hollander, shirt off and screaming while dual wielding axes and arms outstretched. The image comparison is a shot of the TV show Vikings with a muscle bound actor in a similar pose.]

⤷@ilyassecretmole
    no lube, no protection, all night, all day, from the kitchen floor to the toilet seat, from the dining table to the bedroom, from the bathroom sink to the shower, from the front porch to the balcony, vertically, horizontally, quadratic (1/5)

⤷@ilyaistheanswer
    I refuse to believe this is the same man who has done multiple lives crying about a 4 kilo pomeranian he calls his “dogter” #TeamIlya

⤷@roz24hollzy
    He’s gonna give me lockjaw 🥵 #TeamIlya

@haydenpike35
Little surprise for our bachelor #TeamShane
[video length 2:17][video description: a large group of people at a fancy steakhouse all face a specially brought in flat screen TV. The TV is playing outtakes from Ilya’s Canada Dry commercial. Shane's intensely blushing but completely focused.]

⤷@jjjoueauhockey
    He made us watch it two more times #TeamShane

⤷@ZaneBoodram
    Same focus as game tape review day 😂 #TeamShane

⤷⤷@GoalieWyattHayes
      He doesn’t drool watching tape #TeamShane

⤷⤷⤷@shanehollander
        Fuck all of you

⤷@thatsDRwag2u
    @CandaDry, he’s making us watch it AGAIN and it’s your fault #TeamShane

⤷⤷@CanadaDry
      We won’t apologize for art 😘 #TeamIlya #TeamShane

@ScottHunterReal
Cheers from Ottawa! 🥂 #TeamIlya
[image attached]
[image description: Kip and Scott raise two glasses of half finished pint glasses. The rest of the bachelor party is clearly visible in the background.]

 ⤷@puckitandchuckit
    lmao did Hunter lose a bet? #TeamShane

⤷⤷@ScottHunterReal
      I was drafted against my will #TeamIlya

⤷@voyageurz24life
    Is that @jackiePikeWAG in the background??? #TeamIlya

⤷⤷@jackiePikeWAG
      Of course! Had to show up for my fellow (former) WAGageur 😁 #TeamIlya

~~~

His team was going to crush it. The Jackie wrinkle hadn’t been expected but Hayden had mostly stayed to the plan. He felt a little bad about Scott having to endure Ilya all night but at least he had Kip to help him through it. Shane could always send an “I’m sorry” gift to their place later.

He knew Hayden had poured hours into designing a bachelor party that “would be legendary” according to no less than 15 texts the week before. Shane trusted him to do something that wouldn't be too overwhelming but he would be lying if he said that there wasn't a little nagging voice in the back of his head telling him Pike might have gone over the top. They split into two groups to go over their respective party plans.

“Hello fellow Simps! This talk was supposed to be me and Jackie but change of plans, I guess. Hopefully she doesn't give any insider knowledge to the enemy.”

“Hayden, that's my husband.”

“He's the enemy for the next 16 hours.” Shane gave him a frown but Hayden pretended he didn't see it. “The plan is simple today. First, we’ve got a stretch limo that’ll be outside in fifteen minutes. From there we’ll head to the river where our yacht is waiting. We’ve got the boat until sunset where we’ve got a reservation at 7:30 for the entirety of Jay’s Steakhouse. After that we’ve got Monk’s. They know we’re coming so it’ll be packed but we’ve got half the place roped off.”

That was manageable. Everything was easily cordoned off from the overly eager public. They wouldn’t have to deal with photos unless they posted them. The boat and dinner were both fully private so he could probably let loose there without too many people trying to hound him for autographs or make him take pictures. Good job Hayden. It was impressive he’d managed to nail the timing for the limo to arrive so dead on too. 

Before heading out, he had a few things he had to take care of. He stole a sip of Hayden’s beer, and steeled his nerves for a conversation he’d probably regret but would thank himself for later tonight.

“Hey Marley, you got a minute?” The hulking Bears Captain was not a subtle person to try to get the attention of. He was a couple drinks in so unfortunately he'd remember Shane's words long enough to chirp them back to him next season.

“Sure man,” he said. They ducked into a spare bedroom down the hall. “Is this about the nudes folder?”

“Hmm?” His eyes went wide and his jaw glued itself shut, using stress and embarrassment as adhesive.

“Rozy gave me his phone password and told me about the nested locked folders thing you set up for him. Said you’d probably sext him after four drinks and that you wouldn’t want him taking them in public but he wouldn’t turn you down. They’re organized better than his locker ever was in Boston.” He wasn’t going to have to plan a second honeymoon because he was gonna kill Ilya. Cliff was looking at him with a slow mix of panic and confusion the longer Shane stayed silent. “Was this about something else?”

As defeat washed over him he admitted, “No.”

“Ok cool.” Cliff gave him a thumbs up and started to head out to the awaiting limos. He stopped as he cracked the door and turned back around to say, “I meant what I said back in Boston. He never stops talking about you. If he wasn’t so fucking annoying about it it’d be cute. You guys are lucky you found each other.”

“I’m the luckiest person on Earth.” He didn’t mean to say it so definitively. It was like it was a fact he’d called up from rote memorization. An immutable fact of life. The sun would rise. Waves would crash. Shane Hollander was the luckiest person on Earth because he and Ilya were in love. Facts.

“Right on, man. See you tomorrow.”

Thanks to running into Harris before stepping outside, he even had a chance to say goodbye to Ilya before they split for the night. They stayed in that bathroom, swaying a little and wrapped in each other’s arms until a sharp knock on the door and announcement that their rides were there took them out of it. He wondered for a minute if this was more embarrassing to be caught in instead of sex. 

The thought was well passed by the time the boat left its mooring and they were started on a lazy journey down the Rideau. He’d been given some ridiculously over dressed tiki drink that JJ promised him would kick his ass. After one sip, he realized she was probably right.

By the fourth sip he was already thinking about getting his phone back from Harris. 

“Harris, sit down man. You don’t need to be in work mode. This is a party,” Shane said.

“I want to win just as badly as all you hockey guys and this is finally something I know I can beat everyone at.” He’d barely stopped moving for thirty seconds. Video and pictures documenting everyone and every view as they floated aimlessly. 

“Hey about to be married again guy! Get over here, we’re doing a drinking game and I want to show everyone how bad you are.” Boodram’s voice already carried, but put a few drinks in him and he was a human megaphone.

“C’mon Harris, you can’t leave me out to dry with them.” Harris relented and they joined the circle. “What are you guys playing?”

“Never Ever Have I Ever.” Harris immediately grabbed his phone again. It was Bood, LaPointe, Bergy, and Lisa Hayes in the circle before he and Harris showed up. That shouldn’t be awful for him, right? JJ and Hayden were the ones that knew how to target him best.

“Ok, who’s starting?” Shane asked.

“Never Ever Have I Ever seen Ilya’s dick.” Lisa sounded like she had that locked and loaded before they’d even been called over to play. Everyone but her took a drink. Showers left little to the imagination.

“Harris? When did you see Ilya’s dick?” asked LaPointe.

“He posted it, remember? It was like 10 years ago but it was everywhere for a while.”

“Please don’t remind me. One of the weeks of my life.” Shane’s head dropped below his shoulders. “I taught Ilya how to password protect pictures that night. Neither of us even realized he posted it until the next morning because…uh well…”

“Shane Hollander-Rozanov!” Harris put on a fake scandalized voice. “Was your husband trying to send you that picture and he was dumb enough to post it publicly?”

“No one ever notices it, but there’s a keycard and room number written on a legal pad in the background. It’s how he told me where he was staying in New York. He had a brand deal thing and I was playing the Admirals that week.”

The group descended into laughter and he knew he was about to need to be carried off the boat. A few goes around the circle later and Shane was about to need a third drink. He'd smartly switched to a light beer for the second drink but he was being targeted hard enough in the game that it was dwindling fast.

“Never Have I Ever fucked backstage at the MLH Awards.” Did the start of a handjob count? It was a few years ago, after the Cens first Cup. It was Ilya's fault. He'd caught Shane in a hockey stats mistake and corrected it mindlessly like how Shane corrected his idioms. Obviously, Shane had to stick his hand down Ilya's pants.

“That's a lot of contemplation there, Hollzy,” LaPointe teased. 

“I'll take half a drink,” he said before bringing the bottle to his lips. 

“You guys are freaks!” Bood said, laughing. “I think we'd have a harder time finding somewhere you and Roz haven't fucked.” 

He had to be a little drunk because he couldn't stop the next words from falling out of his mouth before his brain caught up to them.

“Not on the ice or in the penalty box. Ilya keeps asking but I know there's too many cameras. Maybe if we get an email about there being a security system change over again and we're in the country this time.”

“I spend so much time in that box, please don’t do that to me,” Bood begged.

“Don’t worry, Ilya wants it to be the visitor box. When he chirps it, he wants it to be true.”

“He’s already chirping it? No wonder that guy from Philly dropped his gloves the second he left the box last season.”

“Stenmann? No, that was because Ilya said he’d fucked his mom so she could have a kid she’d actually be proud of.”

“Jesus Christ, no wonder I have to keep getting into fights for him.” Bood had to know what Ilya was like in games. It wasn't like he kept it secret and his reputation stretched back since before Bood was even drafted. “I'm surprised you approve. He's calmed down so much since you got here.”

Shane smirked before answering, “Who do you think checks his grammar?”

~~~

Rozanov’s Reformed Rakes

Jackie Pike (Voyageurs WAG)
Who has eyes on Ilya?

Caitlin Dykstra (Centaurs WAG)
He’s with me and Carmy
We’re trying to stop him from paying everyone’s bar tabs

Evan Dykstra (Centaurs)
Are we leaving for phase 2 soon? I think we all need some food
*5 people liked this message*

Me
There’s only like 4 other people here, just let him do it and it’ll be easier.
He used to get like this all the time in Boston

Conny
I still think about the time he said he’d paid for everyone’s orders if he could go to the front of the line at Dunkin after the first round of the playoffs. Dude’s hangover was lethal

Troy Barrett (Centaurs)
He did that after our second Cup win at timmys too

Conny
lmao never change Rozy

Prehistoric Hunter (Admirals)
How is he still an asshole when he’s doing nice things?

Kip Grady (Admirals WAG)
We’ll be outside in a minute. Babe, be nice. Ilya’s trying to set up the bartender with that girl who’s third wheeling that weird couple that was two stalls down from us.

Me
Who the fuck gave him tequila?
We all agreed vodka only and rum after midnight if he behaves

Troy Barrett (Centaurs)
It was Nards

Nick Chouinard (Centaurs)
I love love

~~~

@drover.harris
This is the only one I can post because the rest are too insane #TeamShane
[video length 0:37]
[video description: Shane’s Serious Simps are playing “Never Ever Have I Ever.” Zane Boodram’s turn is up and he says “Never Ever Have I Ever gotten the team banned from a hotel for breaking two beds in one night.” Shane takes a drink while flipping off the camera and then Boodram.]

⤷@holla24stan
    This is the not insane one?? 😅 #TeamShane

⤷@ZaneBoodram
    It wasn't even during the playoffs. We were in Dallas. We had to leave at like 1:45AM with no notice. We had an afternoon game the next day. #TeamShane

⤷@holl4roz
    Ok so that's how you turn a ho into a housewife #TeamShane

@barrettplayshockey
I miss @drover.harris ☹️ he should come join our party instead #TeamIlya

⤷@drover.harris
    Upset you’re losing, babe? 😏 #TeamShane

⤷⤷@barrettplayshockey
      I like pears more than apples #TeamIlya

⤷⤷⤷@drover.harris
        HOW DARE

@OttersOttawa
Welcoming Ilya Rozanov-Hollander back for his bachelor party after judging a look-alike contest at @KingfishersBar like
[image attached][image description: meme image of a house with a bed sheet hung outside that has been spray painted with ‘welcome home cheater’ on it]
#TeamIlya

⤷@ilyarozanov81
    bless me daddies, for I have sinned 😈😈😈 #TeamIlya
    [image attached][image description: a leatherclad bartender pours vodka directly into Ilya’s mouth while Ilya lays down on the bartop.]

⤷⤷@hollanov2481
      I would sell my first born to a bog witch for the opportunity to be transmuted into that counter

⤷⤷@jackiePikeWAG
      Ok so this is where you got that wet mark on the back of your shirt. Told you so @GoalieWyattHayes ! #TeamIlya

⤷⤷@hollanovtracker
      daddies???? 

⤷@urfavbearfan
    Second bachelor party? Did I miss some huge announcements??? Where’s Shane?

⤷⤷@Cliff_Marlow
      He’s at his own super lame bachelor party. I bet they’re making scrapbooks and drinking ginger ale #Teamilya

⤷⤷@drover.harris
      We’re busy at a better bachelor party because these cuties can’t stop getting married to each other 🥰😝 #TeamShane
        *this tweet liked by @shanehollander*

@MonksBarOTT
@shanehollander just came in and bought a round for the whole bar! 🍻 Stop in tonight or show your support online with #TeamShane
[video length 0:43]
[video description: Shane is standing on a chair at the center of a packed sports bar. He’s looking down at whoever is recording and asks “ok, now?” “yeah, go for it.” He cups his hands around his mouth and screams at the top of his lungs “I said yes this time. Shots on me!” The crowd immediately starts cheering and Shane is handing out high fives left and right as he makes it through the crowd to the front of the bar.]

⤷@shanehollander
    Thanks for letting us take over for the night! We promise to be respectful. #TeamShane

~~~

He was drunk. Definitely. Heart pounding from the music. Head pounding from the alcohol. But Marlow was pushing him into the VIP room no one else was using and handing him his phone so he had to focus up. English wasn’t about to be the only thing hard.

My Shane ❤️❤️❤️

Heyyyy

My love, you are drunk

Noooooo

Is ok.
Is very cute

:)
I miss you

I miss you more
Wish you were here right now so I could see your pretty face

You wouldn’t see my face because I’d be on my knees

You called My Shane ❤️❤️❤️ x3

Answer the phone
Shane.
Shane.
Shane.
Shane.

His phone started ringing as he was spamming Shane’s name again in their texts.

“Hiiii,” he was so drunk. “Iiilyaaa, I meess you.” Was he trying to do a Russian accent? Oh my God he was so bad at it. It was adorable.

“Solnyshko, I miss you too.”

“We should do this together next time.”

“I don’t think bachelor party usually includes fiance.”

“But you’re not my fiance!” He could hear the pout in his voice. Why hadn’t they done this on video chat? He wanted to see him so badly. “You’re my husband and I love you.”

“Would still not be traditional.”

“I don’t care. I wish you were here.”

“I wish I was too. Would be kissing every one of your freckles in order of how cute they are.”

“You have a favorite freckle?”

“Yes, is to left of your nose and overlaps with two others to make pretty freckle chain.”

“I wish you were in my mouth. I miss sucking your dick. It’s been so long.” It had been since this morning. It almost made them late to pick up Kip and Scott from the airport.

“I miss it more and I’m better at it too. Still so much I have to teach you.”

“No, I’m better. I’m always the best.”

“I teach you everything you know but not everything I know, moya kotenok.”

“I’d make you cum in two minutes if you were here and you know it.” If he wasn’t so drunk, he probably would. It was probably a small blessing that they were apart because he was certain that they’d both try and fail to get it up with the amount of booze currently running through them.

“I know you would try.” And he’d put in a valiant effort too. Shane never lacked enthusiasm.

“We’re leaving in an hour and a half but I know you’re staying out later. Can you send me something?”

“What, flowers?”

“No.”

“Box of chocolates?”

“Fuck you.”

“In the morning, probably. Maybe tonight if you are lucky.” He could hear him giggle. Fucking--giggles?--this man would be the death of him one day. He could feel his heart ache over the distance between the two of them and they were in the same fucking city already.

“Are you seriously not gonna send me anything?”

“Tell me. Say out loud.”

“I want to see your cock.”

“Fuck.” He loved the way Shane would take direction. No one wanted to please him like that. “Check your messages. I’ll try to be quiet when I come home. I love you but we’re going to Bali.”

“Can’t wait to see those and the train museum I have picked out in Belgium. I love you too.”

A train museum? Dear God, how was this the man who made him noticeably have to shift his stance any time he walked into the room? This was the man who made him give up everything? 

Yeah, it was. He was perfect. He could feel the muscles in his face pull and ache from the smile he hadn’t been able to drop from the second they hung up. He was still staring at his phone, scrolling through old conversations. 

It was dumb stuff. Shane reminding him what to pick up on his way home. Ilya sending a meme Shane had no hope of understanding and getting a thumbs up response anyway. Shane pretending to be mad about Ilya forgetting to run the dishwasher. Ilya texting “pardon me” one time when he was laying on Shane’s lap and Ilya farted on him. 

It was all the best stuff. His favorite parts of his life.

~~~

@ScottHunterReal
Is it possible for a hangover to be so strong it literally kills you? 🤢

⤷@ilyarozanov81
    Did you mistake twitter for google? @kipstophergrady take keys away from grandpa

@GoalieWyattHayes
How is this worse than a week of Cup cellys?

@evandykstrahockey
My entire body is made of lead and regret

@drover.harris
I feel great, some of you guys are weak 😎 #builtdifferent

⤷@barrettplayshockey
    He threw up on my shoes when we got home and threw up in the shower this morning

⤷⤷@drover.harris
      If you keep telling everyone my secrets I’m bringing home another dog 😡

@jackiePikeWAG
Never do shots that taste good 🙅🏻‍♀️ You will have too many. Only drink things that taste like gasoline and anger

@nickchouinard
Was I on fire at some point last night? I’m scared to watch the videos without knowing first and I’m missing so much arm hair.

@barrettplayshockey
[image attached][image description: Troy looks incredibly hungover with dark circles under his eyes. He is giving a thumbs up in a selfie outside of his bathroom. Harris is on his knees in front of the toilet, head leaned into the bowl.]
And that’s a hattrick! 👍

⤷@drover.harris
    We’re getting a Great Dane. You have to walk them.

@ilyarozanov81
Thank you internet @CanadaDry my shirt stays off 😎

⤷@CanadaDry
    That was a close one

⤷@rozysotheracc
    [image attached][image description: An Elmo puppet sits in front of a line of fire and black background, arms outstretched to the sky.]

~~~

When the morning of the renewal finally arrives, Shane almost can’t believe it. Five years. He and Ilya had been married for five years. They were slowly setting on their way to being an old married couple. They were in their mid 30s now, so they were only ancient by sports metrics, no others. 

Still, they’d passed an important milestone recently. They’d known each other longer than they hadn’t. Sure, they weren’t together officially or unofficially even for another couple years but it still mattered. To him it mattered. And if the way Ilya pinned him down when he’d mentioned it was any indication, it mattered to him too.

It almost felt like he floated through the day. Their day of wedding coordinator had made all the details perfect. Things ran smoothly, or at least any breakdowns were hidden expertly from him. Everything from the floral arrangements to the seating to the tuxedos they both wore were flawless. It was everything Ilya deserved.

They’d both agreed that this time they’d write vows for each other. Shane had agonized for the better part of six months over the exact wording. It was the one thing his mind would float to when things were quiet. He kept repeating it like a meditation the whole day. He had a physical copy as a crutch but he felt like he had it memorized.

The only time the running dialogue took a pause was when the officiant asked Ilya for his vows.

“Ilya Rozanov-Hollander and Shane Hollander-Rozanov, it is now time for you to share, once again, the vows you have made for each other and to renew your commitment of love. Ilya Rozanov-Hollander, will you please go first?”

Thank God he was going first. Shane’s tongue suddenly felt fat and heavy in his mouth. He was frozen for a moment but Ilya winked at him and it melted away. He always knew how to ground him.

“Shane, moy lyubimyy, I have always been someone who didn’t think this would be possible for me. That I wasn’t worth it or that if someone saw me, the real me, that they would not want to stay. But you have seen me. We have grown up together and you have known me as long as almost anyone and wanted to stay anyway. 

I don’t know what I could have possibly done to deserve you but I know that it cannot have been in this life. There are no words in English, Russian, or any other language that could express how I feel about you. But I will try.

I love the way you don’t know anything about anything that isn’t hockey. I get to explain it to you and feel like I learn something new every time I try to.

I love the way you get so mad at Love and HipHop while pretending you are not watching it with me. I know you are not just reading your books when you react at all the right parts and you dance to the theme song with your shoulders.

I love the way you wake up too early every single morning. I pretend to be asleep sometimes just so you will kiss me on the cheek and whisper that you love me before you leave.

I love the way you fold your clothes like it is the most serious thing you have ever done. I know you know that I never take anything out of the dryer because I like watching you.

I love the way you are the little Pikes. I hope one day that can be us with our children. We will get there.

I love a million little things that make you you. I want to scream in front of the world about every tiny thing I love but I also want to keep them secret and for us only. Being married to you for the last five years has been the greatest honor of my life. I thank you for the indulgence to be able to continue it for the rest of my life. 

Ya tebya lyublyu.”

He’d made it through without crying. His hands were shaking. There was a catch in his voice at a few points. But as he tucked the speech back into his pocket he could say he’d managed it. He’d told Shane he could do it before the ceremony started. He’d been bragging about it for weeks and it had started to get annoying. It almost pissed Shane off that he wouldn’t be able to tease him about getting it wrong. 

But the way his husband looked at him. The way. Holy shit, he couldn’t even form thoughts about it. The hard sharp lines of his face, now soft and gentle. The officiant prompted him to say his own vows and Ilya’s eyes kept distracting him. His mouth. His shoulders. His arms. His chest. All so distracting.

A steadying squeeze of his hands from Ilya’s grounds him and he retrieves his own speech from his breast pocket. Moment of truth for how good his Russian had gotten.

“Ilya, I wake up every morning to the knowledge that I am the luckiest person on Earth.” The soft gasp drawn from his husband’s lips at hearing Shane speak his mother tongue was worth Svetlana’s teasing corrections as he practiced the speech with her for weeks prior. It only took one line to get him to cry.  Better than he could have hoped for. “Each day spent with you is another chance at the best day of my life.

The most important day of my life was in December in Saskatchewan 2008. It’s more important than the first pair of skates I ever got; the first time I ever held a stick in my hands; the first goal I ever scored. Because the day I met you is the day my real life began. I didn’t know at the time why I was more nervous to talk to you than I had been anyone else my entire life. But I know now that it was because I must have known in the back of my mind how important you would be.

I used to make myself promises that I needed to keep so that I could be the best hockey player. I’d promise to wake up early to train. I’d promise to watch every Olympic match I could find. I’d promise that I’d read every statistic I could find. I took them seriously but the only promises I care about keeping anymore are the ones I make to you. 

I promise to never go to bed without telling you how much I love you.

I promise to always build our lives with your happiness as a priority.

I promise to keep trying to learn Russian even though my accent makes you ask me to stop.

I promise to love you twice as much as you love me and to do everything I can to prove it.

I met the most gorgeous, wonderful, perfect man I will ever meet in my lifetime and somehow I get the chance to fall asleep staring at his face every night.

I love you.”

The officiant probably said something about love. It was probably beautiful. Nowhere near as beautiful as what Shane was gazing at now. He wanted to focus on the moment, to be able to take in everything but how was he supposed to care about anything else when his husband was right in front of him? When he was looking like that and looking at him in return? 

His brain practically shut itself down until Ilya took a halfstep closer. And this, this was something he could memorize. The slight callous of Ilya’s thumb running along his jaw as his strong hands pulled his head closer. The smell of his cologne sandalwood and fir. The feeling of his lips and tongue as it passed into his mouth. The way he could press into him and feel calmed at his touch. These things were easy to memorize.

Because when everything else stripped away, this was all he wanted to know. It was the only thing he needed to know. The one immutable fact about him and Ilya.

We like each other.

Chapter End Notes

Like I've said in prior notes, I'll be writing a pseudo-sequel to this where I go into far too much detail about the look-alike contest at Kingfishers. I've already got that started up. That's where the usernames that people were kind enough to let me use are currently going. I think I'm going to try to actually edit that and have it mostly finished before I start posting but who knows? Maybe I'll be bad at waiting like I was with this one.

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Epub Cover inspired by the series "Pure Meringue" by PraiLock by sk_inspired (skargasm), skargasm