Rating:

Mature

Archive Warning:

No Archive Warnings Apply

Category:

M/M

Fandom:

Game Changers | Heated Rivalry - All Media Types

Relationship:

Shane Hollander/Ilya Rozanov

Characters:

Shane Hollander, Ilya Rozanov, Svetlana Vetrova, Hayden Pike, Yuna Hollander, David Hollander, Scott Hunter (Game Changers), Kip Grady, Jackie Pike, Original Children of Shane Hollander and Ilya Rozanov

Additional Tags:

Shane Hollander Loves Ilya Rozanov, Adoption, Adoptive Parent Ilya Rozanov, Parent Shane Hollander, Accidental Baby Acquisition, Boston Bears | Boston Raiders Player Ilya Rozanov, Montreal Voyageurs | Montreal Metros Player Shane Hollander, Ottawa Centaurs Player Ilya Rozanov, Coming Out, Minor Kip Grady/Scott Hunter, Scott Hunter Finds Out About Shane Hollander/Ilya Rozanov, The Irina Foundation (Game Changers), Hayden Pike Finds Out About Shane Hollander/Ilya Rozanov, Cliff Marlow | Cliff Marleau Finds Out About Shane Hollander/Ilya Rozanov, Svetlana Vetrova Finds Out About Shane Hollander/Ilya Rozanov, Ilya Rozanov & Svetlana Vetrova Friendship, Shane Hollander & Svetlana Vetrova Friendship

Language:

English

Stats:

Published: 2026-04-28 Completed: 2026-05-25 Words: 38,467 Chapters: 27/27

Now Our Lives Are Changing Fast

Summary

David Hollander doesn't walk in on them at the cottage. Instead Ilya gets a phone call that his brother has died and his niece is an orphan in need of his care. Ilya and Shane have to make a new plan to make space in their lives for a toddler.

Shane’s shoulders are shaking like he wants to be pacing or screaming or both but he’s holding himself in place on willpower alone, “You can’t risk being deported, not with a kid, not for any reason. And maybe it’ll be good for you, I mean you’ll need help, right? And she’ll help you? And if they ever suspected, I mean a wife, that’s good, right? Everyone thinks you’re straight anyways –”
“Stop.” Ilya doesn’t mean to sound so loud, so angry, but he’s been through too much in the last twenty minutes to modulate, especially in English, “We talked about this. We had a plan. I would not marry Svetlana.” Because I want to marry you, says the little secret voice inside of him that’s only recently gotten permission to be loud in his head.
Shane huffs, adorably annoyed, “Ilya, marry Svetlana. For your niece. You might not be in love with her, but you do love her, don’t you?”
“I –” Ilya swallows thickly, “I do, but –”

Notes

We're gonna yada yada over a LOT of the time and effort involved in an international kinship adoption in this thing because no one has time for that.

Chapter 1: I used to write

Shane pulls away from Ilya to get the hotdogs out of the freezer. Ilya groans dramatically but slaps Shane on the ass with a grin before heading to the bedroom – to change, but probably really just to get undressed so they can fuck again before lunch. Shane scrambles to finish in the kitchen and join his – he doesn’t know what to call Ilya. They’re in love with one another. Ilya’s contemplating playing on the worst team in the league for him. Just a few nights ago they’d hashed out a very long, very distant plan for the future and Shane wasn’t ashamed to say they’d both cried a little admitting the depth of their feelings.

Shane sees his phone lighting up for the up-teenth time today. Dad. He’s going to have to respond eventually, his parents are heading up to their own cottage this weekend and ten minutes of driving is not going to be a barrier if they think something’s wrong.

He takes his phone with him to get out of his wet swim trunks. 

Ilya is sitting on the edge of the bed, still in his wet bottoms – and Shane’s only got a second to be irritated by that – on the phone, face pale and grim, speaking terse clipped Russian, not at all like the things he whispered in Shane’s ear when they fucked. 

Shane stops at the door. Ilya’s face is stony, like it gets sometimes in interviews when he’s dying to be anywhere else. Before Shane’s eyes he gets a tremble in the lower lip, and Ilya ducks his head as tears fall.

Shane drops his damp towel and kneels by Ilya’s feet. “Ilya?”

He’s expecting Ilya to pull away, but the hand not holding the phone anchors against Shane’s spine and pulls him up, until Shane’s stomach is pressing against Ilya’s face. Shane can’t understand any of the conversation but he hears a few words of interest, “Nyet, nyet…. Ottawa…” Ilya rattles off something that Shane knows is Ilya’s address in Boston, and something he thinks might be Ilya’s passport or some other identification number, just by the sound and the sometimes repeating words.

Ilya heaves out a sob as he hangs up the phone and Shane clings to every inch of Ilya he can reach, “What’s wrong?”

Ilya pushes Shane away gently, but doesn’t let him go, holding his arm a little more tightly than is comfortable. “Shane, I am so sorry. Everything is… ruined.”

Shane blinks, “What? No, nothing’s ruined. Tell me what’s wrong, let me help.”

He swipes some tears from Ilya’s cheeks and waits. Finally Ilya whispers, “I have to leave. My – my brother and his wife are dead. And my uh – fuck I do not know the stupid English word – moya plemyannitsa – needs me. I must go and bring her to Boston.”

Shane’s mind struggles to find the word he’s missing, a very key word since he doesn’t know what the fuck is going on, and finally he remembers an offhanded reference to Ilya’s brother, and wife, and their daughter. “Ilya, your niece? You have to bring your niece to Boston?”

“Yes,” Ilya says softly, “Da, she is alone. I must take care of her now.”

Shane frowns, “For how long?”

Ilya blinks, “She’s two, so… for always?”

Shane’s mind goes blank.

Chapter 2: I used to write letters, I used to sign my name

Ilya’s not sure what the right thing is to say when the man you love tells you he’s just been granted custody of his deceased brother’s child is, but he knows that Shane’s doing it wrong because Shane has had his eyes closed and his finger waving in a wait gesture in Ilya’s face for three full minutes.

Ilya was shushed aggressively when he’d tried to prompt Shane to have more discussion with him after about a minute, and two minutes later he’s a little hesitant to try again. But also, Ilya needs to move. He needs to call Svetlana, he needs to book a flight to Moscow, he needs to find someone who can tell him what to do with a two year old orphan.

So he tries again, “Shane? Hollander? I have to –”

Shane’s eyes fly open. And then he says the actual last possible thing that Ilya could have ever predicted. “I take the whole plan back. New plan, you are going to ask to marry Svetlana.”

All the terror of car crashes and orphans flies right out of Ilya’s head, “What?”

Shane’s shoulders are shaking like he wants to be pacing or screaming or both but he’s holding himself in place on willpower alone, “You can’t risk being deported, not with a kid, not for any reason. And maybe it’ll be good for you, I mean you’ll need help, right? And she’ll help you? And if they ever suspected, I mean a wife, that’s good, right? Everyone thinks you’re straight anyways –”

“Stop.” Ilya doesn’t mean to sound so loud, so angry, but he’s been through too much in the last twenty minutes to modulate, especially in English, “We talked about this. We had a plan. I would not marry Svetlana.” Because I want to marry you, says the little secret voice inside of him that’s only recently gotten permission to be loud in his head.

Shane huffs, adorably annoyed, “Ilya, marry Svetlana. For your niece. You might not be in love with her, but you do love her, don’t you?”

“I –” Ilya swallows thickly, “I do, but –”

Ilya thinks about the plan they’d just made. Trading to Canada, the public cooling off of their rivalry, the charity lovingly named for his poor mother, the two hour drive between Ottawa and Montreal, back and forth until the long-off magical promise of a day where their legacy is cemented in hockey and what is left after is more of this. More mornings waking up tangled together and then swimming in the lake and kissing lazily and goading Shane into eating hot dogs for lunch just to hear him rant about the contents of a hot dog in fast English words that Ilya can’t quite keep up with. And he still wants that, still wants those mornings.

He’s always been a bit of a proud man, especially with Shane who has always just pushed his buttons in a way no one else ever has. But he will do anything to hold onto some semblance of that plan, whatever’s left after the bomb that Alexei just threw on his life by dying. “No, I do not want this. We can… we can go back like we were before if you do not want this, but I – I could not marry Svetlana, could not marry anyone when I would be wishing they are you. I have tried very hard to ignore this thing I feel but I know I cannot.”

And Shane, well, he breaks far faster than Ilya’s expecting. His shoulders sag, and then he’s launching himself into Ilya’s lap, knocking them both back on the bed, “Thank fucking God!”

Ilya holds tight and he sobs into Shane’s shoulder, revelling in Shane’s fingers flexing against his scalp, gripping his hair and gently tilting Ilya’s face to kiss the tears away.

This time, Shane doesn’t move, doesn’t speak, and that forces Ilya in a way to feel his loss. The fear comes pouring back and he holds tighter to Shane, who Ilya only realizes much too late is also shaking.

When Shane does get up, he sits next to Ilya. “Okay. New new plan. First, we’re going to book you a flight to Moscow, is tomorrow okay?”

Ilya nods, anything Shane says is okay. Shane nods, “Great. We can’t go together, it's too risky. Call Svetlana, tell her what’s happening, tell her I’ll meet her in Boston, yeah?”

Ilya frowns, “You will come to Boston?”

Shane nods, “Yes. Tomorrow. I’ll figure out what the fuck kids need and I’ll buy stuff. And I’ll help you.”

Ilya nods. This all sounds reasonable in a very insane, very risky way. “Svetlana will know. What you mean to me. She knows that I have a… Jane. And that Jane is a man.”

Shane nods, mouth set like he’s about to take a faceoff, “Yeah, but you trust her, right?”

Ilya nods, “Yes. She is… maybe the only person besides you who loves me.”

Shane’s face gets all soft for a moment before the faceoff look comes back, “Okay. Uh, my passport is in my bag, can you book the flights? For tomorrow, I don’t care what time, I just need today –”

Ilya notices the shake is getting worse in Shane’s hands, even with his arms braced on his knees, “What? You do not need to do all of this. You are okay. I am okay. We will figure this out, together.”

Shane laughs a little with a shake of his head, “Of course we will. That’s what terrifies me.”

Chapter 3: Shane: I used to sleep at night

Chapter Notes

Okay I probably won't be updating this often always, but today I definitely can!

Before Shane can explain the next part of his plans to Ilya, his phone starts vibrating from its forgotten spot on the floor next to his abandoned towel. From here he can already tell that the person calling him is exactly the person he most and least wants to talk to right now.

“Hang on,” he tells Ilya, reaching to pluck the phone from the floor.

He manages to answer it but before he can even say hello, his mother admonishes softly, “Shane! I’ve been calling!”

Something in Shane unravels at the sound of his mother worrying about him. He can barely get words out around the lump in his throat, “Hi. Sorry. I’m here.”

“Is your dad’s old phone charger at your place? He swore he had a charger up here but now he can’t find it.”

Shane’s mind goes to the exact place in the kitchen he’d put his dad’s phone charger when he’d found it on the counter, stashed to safely return the day after Ilya’s flight back to Boston. “Yeah, it’s here. I’ll bring it over in a bit, okay?”

He’s a little surprised it takes so long for his mother to hear the shaking in his voice, “Shane? Honey? What’s wrong?”

Shane reaches over, grabs Ilya’s hand and squeezes, like that will help somehow. And it does, Ilya squeezes back and it feels like that grip is all that is holding Shane on the face of the Earth. Shane asks, “Is Dad there? Can you put me on speaker?”

Shane does the same on his end. Ilya’s watching him with wide wet eyes, not sure what Shane’s doing. Shane bites down hard on his lip when he hears his father’s voice, “Shane? Your mother looks worried.”

“Uh –” The words ‘you don’t need to be worried’ catch in his throat. They should probably be really worried, “First, I’m fine. Absolutely fine, okay?”

“You don’t sound fine,” his mother insists.

Shane pushes ahead, “I need you to promise you’ll help me okay? And that you won’t, like, freak out until after, okay? I’m gonna come over and explain more, I promise.”

Ilya reaches over and mutes the phone, “What are you doing?”

Shane glances from Ilya to the phone, and unmutes, “Sorry, one more second, sorry.” He mutes again and glares at Ilya, “Do you know what to do with a toddler? Because I don’t. We need someone who knows what they’re doing. It’s them or Hayden and Hayden hates you.”

Ilya considers for a moment, then nods, “Okay. Yes. If you think this is okay.”

Shane unmutes again, “Sorry. I’m here.”

Shane’s never heard his dad sound so small before, “Shane, whatever’s going on, we’re always here to help you. You know that. Tell us what’s going on so we can help.”

Shane almost laughs at this sudden reminder that he comes from them, as his own words to Ilya come to him from his father. He squeezes tightly again, nails probably digging into Ilya’s skin, “Okay, uh, well, I’m gay? Which I was going to tell you soon. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner.”

Shane hears a choking noise, and his mother recovers first, “Oh, honey. It’s okay. Really. You scared us, we thought something terrible had happened?”

Shane closes his eyes, “Uh, yeah. Something happened. Something terrible.”

The reassurances die on his parents lips. In for a penny, in for a pound Shane guesses and he pushes ahead, “I’m gonna tell you the rest, and then I’m going to hang up, and I will be there in an hour to explain more, okay?”

“Shane –”

“Please,” he begs his father’s steady voice to stop, “Just let me – I’m in love with –” Shane’s throat constricts around the name of his rival and it doesn’t make it out. “–the man I love just found out he’s the guardian for his niece. He’s got to leave in the morning to pick her up and then he’s going to have her and he’s – I – we don’t know what to do after that.”

The call is dead silent for a long time. Then his mom asks softly, “You’re in love? For how long?”

“A lot longer than I was willing to admit,” says Shane, looking at Ilya.

His dad asks, “When did he find out about this niece?”

“Just now,” says Shane, “There’s no one else to take her. It’s all fucking a mess, I’m figuring it out for us, I think –”

“Shane, please breathe,” his mother says, “Tell me what you need me to worry about so I can handle it?”

Shane makes himself look at Ilya, “It’s Rozanov. Ilya Rozanov. I’m in love with Ilya Rozanov and he’s about to have a two year old and if anyone finds out we’re together, things are going to be really really bad. Bad for hockey, bad for Russia, bad for everyone. So I just need you to help me.”

More silence.

Shane lets out a shaky breath, “I gotta go, okay? I know this was a lot. I promise I will be there in an hour. We’ll talk about it. But I have to hang up the phone –”

“Wait,” Shane freezes. His mother’s voice gets unexpectedly soft, “Shane, honey, we love you, okay? We love you and we’re going to do whatever you need, okay? We’ve got you. Is he there? Can he hear us?”

Ilya’s voice is hesitant, “Hello, yes, I am here.”

“David and I are so sorry for your loss,” she says, “Will you please make sure our son makes it here in one piece?”

“Yes,” promises Ilya, “Very important to me that he is in one piece.” The idiom sounds charmingly clunky in his accent. “Thank you.”

Shane reaches for the phone, “Mom? Dad? I love you, I’ll see you soon, okay?”

He hangs up.

For a long moment he and Ilya just stare at one another.

“You did not have to do this,” says Ilya quietly.

“Well I had to tell them something,” said Shane, “You’ve never met my mother, but trust me, she’d send the FBI to your place and have you arrested for kidnapping me.” He kisses Ilya on the cheek softly, “I hate lying to them. I’m terrible at it, I feel bad, we need their help anyways.”

He stands up, gently pulling Ilya with him, “I’m going to go freak out in the shower. Book the flights, then call Svetlana, okay?”

Ilya’s forehead creases, “You will be okay? Freaking out?”

Shane nods and this time kisses Ilya’s lips, “Yeah. I’m a pro.”

Chapter 4: Ilya: Before the flashing lights settled deep in my brain

Ilya’s booked a lot of flights in his life. Moscow and back every summer, trips with Svetlana, when he was younger his flights for games and training camps. Now, someone else does that stuff for him for hockey stuff. Still, he goes through the process automatically. 

Ottawa has a frustratingly limited range of options for flights to Moscow and they’re all outrageously expensive. He’s almost tempted to book them both on the same flight to Boston and to connect there, but he knows they can’t be seen getting on the same flight Ottawa to Boston. He’s not supposed to be here, and Shane’s not supposed to be going there.

Shane had unpacked before Ilya arrived at the cottage, but Ilya’s seen his bag in the closet, and sure enough, he finds Shane’s passport inside. He books Shane’s flight, leaving an hour after his own.

He’s crying again before he even finds Svetlana’s contact.

“Ilya,” she sounds in a hurry, “I thought you were spending two weeks with Jane? I thought I’d hear from you only when you got back to Boston.”

“Sveta,” he stops. He doesn’t know what else to say. 

She hears it in that one word though. “Ilyukha? What is wrong? Is it Jane?”

“No,” he says, “It’s Alexei. He is dead. The baby has no one else. I must go and get her.”

Svetlana has no great affection for Alexei, but she still sounds remorseful, “That’s terrible, the poor lamb. You will bring her back to Boston?”

“Yes,” he says, “I’ll fly from Ottawa tomorrow morning.”

“Ottawa?”

“I –” Ilya’s words, even the Russian ones, get caught in his throat. He has no idea how Shane just did this same thing. “I will fly to Moscow tomorrow. And Shane will come to Boston. Will you help him? Make sure he has whatever he needs? And I will bring Yeva home as soon as I can.”

“Yes, whatever you need,” agrees Svetlana easily. “You will let me meet him then? Your Jane?”

Ilya only realizes belatedly – when Svetlana slurs the J sound a little dangerously – that he’d already called Shane by his name before he’d meant to. But of course, per his own request, they are about to meet, the secret of Shane’s identity is already more or less out.

“Are you alone?” He listens but he doesn’t hear anything very distinct behind her.

“Yes,” she confirms, “On my lunch break. No one’s around, and no one here understands me.”

He still can’t quite make himself say it, “No one can know about Jane, it would be very messy, very bad, very loud for us both.”

“Ilyukha,” she chides, “Tell me.”

“He is an athlete, like me.”

Svetlana’s not stupid, she hears what he’s not saying, “Like you. He’s a hockey player?”

“Yes.”

That’s all she needs, “Ilya Rozanov are you in love with Shane Hollander?”

A smile stretches across his face without his permission, “Yes. I am afraid so. Extremely.”

He gives her a few seconds for swearing and processing as Shane finally comes out of the shower. Ilya stops him and presses a quick kiss to the dip of his hipbone peeking out over the edge of the towel around Shane’s waist before letting him dress. “Sveta, I have to go, I will text you, okay? I will send you Shane’s number, please look after him until I get back. He won’t be able to go out much, no one can know he’s in Boston.”

“Yes, yes, okay,” she waves him off, “I will see you in a few days. I will have many gifts for your niece. I will look after your Shane. Bye.”

Shane’s unfortunately mostly dressed already, watching Ilya, “Svetlana was good?”

“I think she is, uh, you say in shock I think?” Shane nods in confirmation. “But she is ready to help. Whatever you need, she will make sure you have, okay?”

Shane crosses the bedroom and holds Ilya’s face in his hands, “I’m not worried about me.”

Ilya lets Shane kiss him, then lets Shane pull him to his feet and strip him from his shorts. Usually Ilya would like nothing more than the sight of Shane Hollander removing his clothes. But this is not heat, this is care. It’s tender in a way that makes Ilya’s chest ache.

He takes over, pulling on new clothes. As he pulls on a pair of shorts, his own worries clear for a moment to notice that whatever freaking out Shane had done in the shower was not over. 

He wraps them in each other’s arms. Shane breathes out, “I’m so scared.”

“Me too,” he agrees, “But you are very brave, yes?”

“Shut up,” says Shane, but he holds on tighter. “I feel like I’m gonna die.” The way he says it though, Ilya thinks Shane’s felt like this before. Maybe a lot. Like he knows it only feels that way and it’ll pass.

Ilya rubs a hand up Shane’s back. Shane pulls back slightly with a shuddering breath out, “So much for easing them into it, huh?”

Ilya kisses Shane’s temple, “It is a lot. But they love you, everything will be okay, yes?”

Shane pulls a face as Ilya reaches for his shirt to finish dressing. Ilya rolls his eyes, “Sorry I do not wish to meet your mother with no shirt, very disappointing, I know.”

Shane’s face gets even more disproving, “That shirt isn’t helping.”

Ilya looks down at his Boston Raiders t-shirt, “Oh, they don’t know I play for Boston?”

Shane rolls his eyes and accepts this as Ilya being an asshole. Ilya breathes out a sigh. He doesn’t need Shane’s parents to like him, they just need to keep loving Shane. He can be the enemy.

Chapter 5: Shane: But by the time we met

Chapter Notes

this is probably the MOST canon compliant chapter this fic will have because I LOVE the Yuna and David parts of the cottage

“What’s her name?”

Ilya looks over at him sharply, “What? Who?”

“Your niece,” says Shane, “What’s her name?”

“Yeva,” Ilya says. He puts his hand over Shane’s on the gearshift. They repeat the name back and forth until Shane’s saying it correctly.

He brings the car to a stop behind his parents’ equally sensible SUV.

Ilya goes to get out but Shane reaches over and stops him. Ilya gives him an expectant look. Shane blurts, “Uh, maybe you should wait in the car.”

Ilya’s eyebrows go up and Shane realizes he sounds crazy, “Fuck, nevermind, sorry.”

They walk up to the door together, Shane lets himself in without knocking like he always does, “Uh, hey. It’s me, Shane.” Like it would be anyone else.

His parents are standing in the living room, waiting. Looking worried. Shane watches his mom’s eyes flick over Ilya and back to him, “Shane, what is going on?”

Shane glances at Ilya who nods encouragingly but says nothing. Like an asshole. “Uh, mom, dad, this is Ilya. Rozanov. But uh, you already know that.”

Finally Ilya speaks, “Hi.”

Apparently that’s all he’s getting from Ilya right now. 

Shane’s parents exchange a glance he can’t read because he can’t ever seem to get a good read on what anyone but Ilya really thinks. He asks desperately, “Can we sit down and talk? Please?”

That prompts his mom into action. “Yes. Come in.”

Shane reaches for Ilya and misses, but Ilya gets the idea and follows Shane to the dining table and sits next to him. In true Yuna Hollander fashion, his brief heads up has given her time to prepare, and she starts pouring them all tea. Shane’s not sure but he’s guessing Ilya probably doesn’t drink tea, though he does say thank you and pick up the mug.

Shane wordlessly slides his father’s phone charger across the table before he hesitantly looks across the table into his mother’s eyes. She’s waiting for him. “I thought you hated him.”

“No,” says Shane a little too harshly, “I mean, no, I get that, but no. I, uh, I love him actually.” He feels Ilya’s foot press up against his under the table. They’re in this together. Shane sits up a little more, “I love him. And this wasn’t how I was planning on telling you, but… but it’s happening. And I really need you to be okay with it.”

Ilya’s hand lands on his knee, squeezing tight, thumb grazing the hem of Shane’s shorts. No matter what his parents say, they’ve got each other. He has Ilya.

“I think we thought – maybe – you were gay,” says his mom haltingly.

Shane’s not sure what that means but he doesn’t like it. He’s tried so hard to cover it up. His dad shrugs, “I think we thought it was certainly possible.” Oh, so they’ve fully discussed this. 

Shane swallows, “For how long?” Before Rose? After Rose? When he realized he’d never escape it? When had holes worn through his carefully constructed mask?

“For a while, I guess,” his mom supplies unhelpfully. 

“We both know you pretty well, Shane,” his dad says, and it sounds a little hurt, and Shane guesses that’s fair. The internet told him he doesn’t owe anyone – not even his parents – the story of his relationship or his sexuality. It’s his to share when he’s ready. But he understands how after a lifetime of their lives revolving around Shane and his career and his brand and loving him that they were hoping he’d share this too. “What we, uh, didn’t expect was that you were so friendly with Rozanov.”

Shane holds his breath as it’s the first time either of his parents had actually spoken to, or at, Ilya since they’d been introduced. Ilya just softly corrects, “Ilya.”

“Ilya,” his dad repeats, “Sorry.”

“I know,” Shane says, “It’s a… long story.”

He should’ve known that wasn’t going to be enough. His dad asks, “So when did this… happen?” Before Shane can finish deciding if he’s going to give the real answer, his father snaps his fingers like he’s solved some puzzle, “Wait, the All Star Game. You two had so much chemistry.” If Shane didn’t still feel like he was two minutes away from another panic attack he’d laugh. We had so much chemistry because we’ve been fucking for the last eight years.

“No, it was before then,” Shane says, without really meaning to. He catches Ilya trying not to smirk.

“Wow.” His dad sits back and Shane feels terrible as he sees the realization that this secret is not just a few months old. And really, wasn’t that supposed to have been the most time they’d spend together? “Wow. Wow.”

“So?” His mom prompts, “When?”

Shane figures, they’ve got bigger problems to worry about today, the worst is really already over, he can be honest with his parents finally. “Since our, uh, rookie season?”

His mom barely stops herself from levitating out of her seat, “Since your rookie season?!”

“No,” Ilya says, “It’s not true. Since before that.”

“Before?”

“Summer before,” says Ilya. Shane nods.

“So you’ve been in love since –”

“No,” Shane thinks they should probably be a little offended by how quickly they both jump to be clear that they have absolutely not been in love this whole time. 

He’d like to die a little as he and Ilya skirt around the edges of their years-long sexual affair. His mother gets up to get them something stronger than tea to drink and Shane’s never wanted to get really drunk in his life. Only they can’t.

His dad gets up to get glasses and Ilya leans in close, “You’re okay, Hollander?”

“I guess?” Shane shrugs, “I’m glad you’re here with me.”

“Of course,” he promises, pulling away slightly as his mom sits back down and his dad starts pouring vodka for them all.

His dad says dryly, “And there were no nice men in Montreal?”

“I don’t know,” Shane says, “Probably there were.” Montreal’s a pretty queer city, he’d just never really looked. And he probably wouldn’t have so close to home where he was so recognizable anyways.

“And do your teammates know?”

Shane can’t believe his mom would even ask that. “No! No. Nobody knows.”

“This is good vodka,” says Ilya.

“Thanks,” says his dad, “I try to buy the Russian stuff.” Ilya hums an acknowledgement.

“You never –” Shane watches warily as his mother struggles to ask her next question, “I mean you never let him win, did you, Shane?”

“Do you let dad in at cards?”

She shakes her head, “I would rather die.”

“Same here,” says Shane a little shortly.

“Okay,” she says, like he shouldn’t be defensive about this. 

His dad jumps in, “So is your plan to… what? Just keep doing this in secret until you both retire, or…?”

Shane turns to look at Ilya, who’s doing the same. That had basically been the plan.

Except.

“I don’t know. Probably.” says Shane softly, “I mean, it was.”

“Oh no that’s – that’s sad,” his mom says. 

Ilya shrugs. Shane says softly, “I know. We know. But everything is… we were supposed to have more time to figure it out. But we can’t just, like, come out and announce it.”

Shane’s a little surprised when his father – David Hollander’s a quiet, dependable kind of man – asks a pretty personal question, “Ilya, I gotta say, I’m surprised, you have such a reputation as a ladies man.”

Ilya shrugs, “Is not untrue.”

Shane fills in the blanks, “Ilya likes both.”

“Oh.” Shane hopes Ilya doesn’t think his parents are biphobic or something. They’re just processing.

Ilya adds, “Is true I’ve been with many women, but I have only been in love with one person.”

“Same here,” says Shane, even though for him that’s not so much in question, “Only one.” He slides his foot against Ilya’s. 

Shane watches his mother get up, put her glasses in the sink, and then walk out the front door. Fuck. Ilya is already nodding, “I’ll be okay, you go.”

Shane takes her sweater and follows her. They both pretend like she’s not been crying out there, “Hey.”

“Hi!” She lets him put the sweater on her, “Thank you.”

This somehow feels just as hard as it had been opening up to Ilya. But he needs to do it. He needs her. Needs her to understand. “Mom, um… I need you to know that I did really try.” Try to be her perfect straight professional hockey player Montreal Metro, the son who had brand deals and represented an entire demographic of kids in a notoriously white sport without complaint. “I tried really hard, but, um, I just can’t help it. And I’m sorry.”

“Oh you have nothing to apologize for,” Shane tries to pull away but she grips his arms and forces him back – as much as she can given she’s smaller than him and he’s a pro athlete, “Look at me – look at me.” Her voice trembles in a way he hates. “I’m sorry that I made you feel like you couldn’t tell me.” They’re both crying then. “I’m so proud of you. Please forgive me.”

“I forgive you, mom,” he says, collapsing into her, like he’s not a grown man, “I love you.”

“Oh, I love you too. So much.” She holds his face in her hands, like she used to when she was checking if he was sick or hurt. “Hey, you okay?”

He nods and they both let out a few long breaths together. She nods, “Okay. Enough of this. We need a plan. Do you have a plan?”

“No. Yes? I don’t know anymore,” says Shane, “Can we go back in?”

She nods and Shane has to stop himself from running into Ilya’s arms.

Shane’s surprised to find that Ilya and his father are getting along famously, cooking something in the kitchen together like Ilya’s been here a million times. “Shane! David and I are making pasta!”

“Uh, great,” says Shane, “While you do that, can we talk about the plan?”

Ilya’s face doesn’t fall per se, but it does darken, “Yes. This is important.”

Shane walks his parents through the tentative plan he’d sat up in the dark making. Ilya in Ottawa next year, summers and nights off together, the Irina Foundation and the hockey camps, and far down the road retiring and finally living in the light. 

It’s a good plan. Except that it just got really really complicated for Ilya.

Chapter 6: Ilya: By the time we met, the times had already changed

Ilya’s always had an interest in Shane Hollander. But you didn’t need to have much more than a passing interest in the world of hockey to know Shane Hollander’s agent. Yuna Hollander has a reputation. 

Shane’s an incredible player, best in the league – not that Ilya would ever say so – and that of course means he’s paid well in Montreal. But Shane’s money only partially comes from his actual hockey career and his real estate fetish. A good chunk of his net worth comes from a shocking number of brand deals. Ilya’s honestly surprised Shane doesn’t look like a NASCAR driver, covered in little logos. 

So he’s not exactly surprised that Yuna Hollander wants to make sure that her son's sexuality isn’t going to impact his brand deals. “...There’s a world of opportunity here, if they do it right.”

Ilya’s sure Scott Hunter’s last few weeks have given Yuna Hollander a pretty good blueprint for what constitutes ‘right’ and ‘wrong’ in that context. 

Shane’s complaining, “Mom, can you just take three steps back, please? I’m not gonna come out or anything, yet.” He turns to Ilya who hastily sets aside his fork. “We just want… a future. I don’t know.”

Yuna turns her as-scary-as-described gaze on Ilya, “And with this plan, you’d play in Ottawa?”

“Yes,” says Ilya, “It would be closer, and with the charity…”

Yuna’s eyes narrow slightly, “Mhm, and you have no loyalty to Boston?”

Ilya freezes but Shane is talking before he can process what she’d just asked. “Jesus, Mom!”

“What, they drafted him!” She turns back on Ilya, “You would leave Boston for Shane?”

“Yes,” says Ilya with no hesitation, “If it was just me, yes.” Yuna makes a clearly disproving noise.

Shane’s voice is filled with warning, “Mom.”

“Loyalty is important,” says Yuna, and Ilya wonders what Yuna Hollander would have done if Shane hadn’t been drafted by her favorite team, would she still cheer for the Metros if Shane played somewhere else in the league?

“He’s trying to be loyal to me, not Boston,” snaps Shane, “My mom cares a little too much about hockey.”

Ilya tries to hide his smirk with another bite of pasta but he can feel it on his face anyways, “Now I see where you get it from.”

David asks, “Have you talked to Scott Hunter?”

Shane shakes his head. Ilya nods, “I did.”

“You did?”

“Yeah, briefly,” says Ilya, “After the MLH Awards in June.”

Yuna is expecting more, “And? What did he say?”

“Nothing,” said Ilya, because he hadn’t told Scott enough for that, “I mean, I did not tell him about Shane and me.” Ilya wouldn’t have done that without talking to Shane first. “But what he did it was…”

“Yes it was very brave,” says Yuna, and Ilya knows that despite the manager-persona Yuna has on, she understands what the MLH looks like for queer athletes. She knows what is at stake for them.

“It changed things, for me at least,” says Ilya, “Maybe for us. And now things change again.”

David nods, “Right. Shane said… something about your niece?”

“She is two years old,” says Ilya, “Yeva, in Moscow. My brother and his wife… there is no one left now for her.”

“I’m so sorry,” murmurs Yuna softly.

Ilya nods, “I do not know how to do this. But it is…my responsibility. I will have help. Sveta – Svetlana – she is a friend of mine in Boston, since we were children in Russia. And Shane will come, for a little while. And then… I will have to figure it out by then.”

Yuna’s smile is kind but amused, “And this Svetlana, does she have children of her own?”

Ilya shakes his head, “No.”

“Do you know anyone who has kids?”

Ilya shrugs, “Teammates, I guess.”

“It’s going to be a lot of work,” Yuna says, “And you need a plan for when you’re on the road. Something that keeps her routine normal. And you need a plan for if your trade does go through, there will be a lot of paperwork for her too.”

But Ilya does still want to play on a Canadian team, he wants a Canadian passport. He wants his niece to have a Canadian passport someday. “I will do whatever it takes.”

Yuna looks back and forth between them slowly, “You need a plan. A statement in case anything leaks. A story for why Shane’s in Boston. The charity, it’s a good start but it’s not going to happen overnight. You need something in the meantime.”

Next to him, Shane slowly lowers his forehead onto his arms, and his breath out doesn’t sound like it goes easily. Ilya’s not sure how many times is too many times to ‘freak out’ in one day but this is Shane’s third and that sounds high to him. Ilya glances across the table to see concern etched on David and Yuna’s faces, but neither of them move. Shane tries for another shaky breath and Ilya focuses on Shane. “Shane?” He leans in closer, a hand sliding up Shane’s back, “Shane?”

“I’m okay, I’m just freaking out,” Shane manages, “I’ll be okay in a second.”

Ilya grips the back of Shane’s neck, “Hey, hey, hey, hey. We’re good here. Your family is here. Your boyfriend is here. You’re good here, okay?”

Like he’d hoped, Shane raises his head slightly at the word ‘boyfriend’. “My boyfriend?”

Ilya wants to kiss this man so badly. This man who loves him. Who he loves. Who sat up all night planning them a distant future believing that they’d make it that far. Who was willing to give that plan up so Ilya could raise his niece. And then willing to risk everything the plan was for in order to help him. Who somehow, after all of that, needs Ilya to spell out that they are boyfriends. “I mean yes, I think so, probably.” And then Ilya does kiss him, gently nudging his face up just enough to lean down and kiss him quickly. 

“Since rookie season,” he hears Yuna say, reminding Ilya that Shane’s parents are still there. 

“The summer before,” corrects David, and Ilya knows he loves Shane’s parents. He sees all the little bits of things he loves about Shane in each of them, pulled out and combined into Ilya’s favorite person in the whole world. He comes from these two and it's impossible for Ilya not to love them for that alone.

Shane rubs a hand over his face, but Ilya can tell he’s back. A little overwhelmed, probably still terrified, but not panicking anymore. Problem solving. 

Yuna seems to understand immediately this part of Shane, because she starts clearing the table. David says nothing and joins in.

Ilya’s plans have started and ended with 1) Get to Russia and get Yeva, 2) Get home to Boston where Shane will be waiting.

Clearly he’s missing some details.

Three minutes seems to the Shane Hollander planning sweet spot, because it’s about that long before Shane says anything. “Ilya?”

Ilya snaps to attention, “Yes, moya lyubov?”

Shane’s eyes are searching his for something, and whatever it is, Ilya needs Shane to look inside him and find it. He will be whatever Shane needs him to be. Shane nods  to himself and Ilya hopes that means he’s passed whatever test he’s not aware of. “I have a new plan. And it’s fucking… terrifying. Everything we just said about secrecy and waiting until we retire? We can’t do any of that with a kid.”

Ilya frowns, “You have a better idea?”

“We need an immigration lawyer,” says Shane, “A good one.”

“On it,” says Yuna, and Ilya has known the woman for an hour and he has no doubt at all that she will supply them with the name of an exceptional lawyer.

“One who knows family law,” says Shane, “Or maybe two separate lawyers, whichever is better.”

“Got it handled, honey,” Yuna promises again.

Shane’s eyes dart to his parents and something passes over his face, “Do you trust me to make a big life-changing decision?”

It’s Shane’s father who gets up to crouch next to their son, “Buddy, you are an adult. And you’ve been taking care of yourself and us and everyone around you since you were a kid. Even when we weren’t ready for you to. Because you wanted to, because you knew what you wanted. Tell us what you want, bud, and we’ll make it happen. Just like hockey happened, yeah?”

Ilya tries to imagine having parents like this. Parents who made things happen for you out of love for you and your dreams. Not the prestige, not the money, not the outcome. For the joy on their son’s face when he put skates to ice and puck to stick. 

Shane nods, “Okay. First, Ilya needs full custody of Yeva, permanently. He can’t risk her ever needing to go back to Russia because he can never go back to Russia.” Ilya’s blood goes cold. Shane had said the new plan meant not hiding, but clearly Shane’s new plan means being public if Ilya’s in danger of never seeing his homeland again. 

But there’s no Shane Hollander in Russia. No Mama, no Papa, no Alexei. So really, what is left for Ilya there that would be worth losing Shane, his career, and possibly his freedom or life for? Absolutely nothing.

So Ilya nods.

Shane reaches over and squeezes his hand, “You’ll sign to Ottawa next year like we planned. It won’t be citizenship, but it’ll help with permanent residency, and once Yeva is fully yours, we’ll get married and go through spousal sponsorship. This is not a proposal. This plan is going to take time and sometime between now and the end of this plan, I will find a time and I will do this right.”

Ilya gapes at Shane. When he finds his voice, he can’t help how giddy he sounds, “You are asking me to marry you?”

Shane huffs, annoyed with him for not keeping up probably, “Yes. No. Eventually. Can I tell you the rest?”

“Fine,” Ilya relents, but he’s circling back later to the fact that Shane Hollander wants to marry him.

“First priority, make sure Yeva is cared for and that you’re safe,” says Shane firmly. Ilya nods because how can he argue with that? “Second priority, our jobs. I –” Shane loses his planner voice all in one stutter and his voice goes gooey soft, “I’ve seen you with other people’s kids. You’re going to be so good with Yeva. And I want that. I want to be a part of it, as much as you’ll let me. It’s getting so fucking hard to pretend I hate you, I don’t want to pretend I don’t know you or her.” Shane breaks eye contact, “But I can’t lose hockey either. So we need to prepare.”

Ilya’s throat feels tight and his eyes sting, “Yes. Whatever you think we need, I will do.”

Shane nods, “Mom’s right, we need a statement ready, just in case anything leaks before we’re ready. We should talk to Scott, really talk to him, I mean.”

David nods, “He’ll tell you what the league really thinks about having gay players.”

“And bisexual,” says Ilya, because chirping is like hitting your funny bone, involuntary reflexes firing. 

Shane ignores him, “I still want to do the foundation. Even if we don’t end up needing it as cover, the idea of it is still important, right?”

“Yes,” says Ilya, “I love this idea.”

Shane almost graces him with a smile, “So we’ll have that. And uh, in Ottawa, Mom and Dad can help with the kid stuff, right?”

“Oh,” Ilya looks from Shane to David and Yuna. “I wouldn’t –”

“We’d be happy to,” says Yuna firmly, “I know we don’t look very fun but I promise we are.”

Ilya’s not sure what to do with the village that Shane is building for them brick by brick. So he lets Shane keep building.

“Long term that’s the plan,” says Shane, “You come to Ottawa, we get married, somewhere along the way we come out.” Ilya nods, he got that part. “Short term, I’m going to set everything up at your place in Boston while you’re in Russia. And I think… I should be seen with you at the airport tomorrow.”

Ilya’s brain short circuits, “What?”

Shane nods, like he expected the confusion, “I don’t know when the right time to come out is. If you asked me this morning, I’d have probably said never. Or when we retired. And I don’t know if the right time is sooner than that or not. But we need to do all the rivals-to-friends shit right fucking now. We’ll be seen together, you’ll go to Russia, I’ll go to Boston. I’ll be seen in Boston, probably with you.”

Ilya’s stomach turns, “Shane…”

Shane shakes his head, he’s got a grim look on his face, “We’ll tell people a way way less fucked up version of the truth. That… that we’ve always been tied together by all the rivalry shit, and over the years we kind of became friends. Even if I’m super fucking boring.”

Shane is teasing him. Shane is making fun of Ilya for… making fun of Shane.

Ilya says softly, “I love your boring.”

Shane kisses him, “I know.”

Ilya kisses back, not caring that David and Yuna are watching. “If you think I will not propose first, you are very wrong. It will be on the dock at the cottage, at night, with hundreds of candles –”

“That sounds like a fire hazard,” says Shane, but he’s smiling.

“Shut up, Hollander,” Ilya groans, “Is on the water, will be fine and beautiful and you will fucking love it.”

Shane’s smile widens, “Yes, I will. Because I love you.”

Chapter 7: Shane: So I never wrote a letter

Chapter Notes

Svetlana's hereeee

Shane wants to hold Ilya’s hand. Kiss him goodbye. 

That’s what boyfriends do. 

Their day for that isn’t coming. Despite matching sunglasses and baseball caps and an absolute lack of anything branded with either of their team logos – more of a challenge than either of them had expected – they’ve already been photographed together at least six times that Shane’s noticed and they’re just barely through security.

Shane stops at the point where their paths are about to diverge. Technically they’re both on international flights, but since Shane’s just going to Boston, there’s a separate area for US flights. 

Ilya stops too. “I’ll see you soon, yes?”

“Yes,” Shane confirms. And he can’t bear to leave without touching Ilya at all, so he holds out his hand. Ilya takes it. They shake, like they’re acquaintances. Only they linger a little too long. “See you in Boston, Rozanov.”

Ilya nods and turns in the direction of his gate, “See you in Boston, Hollander.”

Shane lands in Boston kind of dazed. 

He’s expecting a car service. What he sees instead is a woman he’s never met before in his life but knows instantly must be Svetlana Vetrova standing with a very neat placard with his name on it next to a very expensive car that he can easily picture Ilya driving. Shane stumbles the rest of the way to her, “Hey.”

Shane’s really coming to terms lately with the fact that he has no attraction to women sexually, but he can see plainly that Svetlana is a beautiful woman. He can picture her and Ilya next to one another, drawing the attention of everyone around them with their combined inescapable hotness. Svetlana does not smile at him, but not in a mean way, “Jane.”

“Shane,” he corrects, heaving his suitcase into the trunk before getting in the passenger seat. Svetlana gets in and starts the car, “I cannot believe Ilyukha has kept you from me all these years. He is an idiot.”

“Yes,” Shane agrees with a tentative smile, “He is.”

Svetlana has her own key to Ilya’s place and lets herself in like she lives there. She steps over the small mountain of packages that have accumulated by the front door. “You boys did some shopping?”

Shane also steps over the packages and eyes Ilya’s home. It’s as gorgeous as he remembers from his last visit. It is not babyproofed.

He watches Svetlana make herself at home in Ilya’s kitchen. She’s wearing jeans and a t-shirt, but she somehow has the same quality Rose has, the casual clothes seem elevated just for being on her body. Shane’s sure that not only has Svetlana never needed to hire a stylist, she probably could do a better job than the lady Shane had needed to hire. Shane busies himself bringing the packages in and re-stacking them by the door. 

“Come sit,” Svetlana orders when he’s done.

Shane does, and Svetlana passes him a can of ginger ale. It’s cold out of the fridge. “Uh… thank you?”

She grins, “I knew he bought those for you. Fuck, I should’ve known you were you, I just underestimated how fucking stupid Ilya can be.”

Shane thinks that might be an insult, since he’s the fucking stupid thing Ilya’s been doing for the last 7 or 8 years. But somehow the idea of Ilya buying ginger ale just for him and leaving it in the fridge all this time, through the months of silence, is more than enough to soften any potential slight.

Shane pops the top on his drink, “So, uh, you’re Sergei Vetrov’s daughter, I think Ilya said you sell expensive cars, you like hockey, and you also used to fuck Ilya?”

Svetlana’s grin widens at his absolutely non-question question, “This is what Shane Hollander is like off the ice? Jealous and awkward? Oh I bet Ilyukha wants to eat you with a spoon.” 

Shane’s face burns, “Sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry,” she laughs, “Did Ilya tell you I’m a fan?”

Shane starts to shake his head, but then he stops as he remembers that in fact, Ilya had told him that, “Uh, yeah. Thanks?”

Her eyes narrow, “Listen, Hollander –” The way she says his name reminds him painfully of Ilya. “– Ilya asked me to help you and I’m going to because you clearly need me. But this vibe has to go, okay? You’ve won, Ilya’s so hopelessly in love with you he actually cannot have sex with anyone else, including me.”

Shane’s face is hot, “Sorry. I have no fucking idea what I’m doing.”

Svetlana rolls her eyes, “Clearly.”

Shane takes a sip of his ginger ale so he doesn’t have to come up with the next thing to say. She sighs loudly, “Wow, there’s two of you. What is it the Americans say? ‘Fan-fucking-tastic’? Yes. Come on.”

Shane follows her further into Ilya’s space. She stops outside of Ilya’s room, points at the next room over, “I was thinking this room for nasha malen'kaya printsessa. Close to you and Ilya.” 

Shane looks at the room. It's pretty empty, just a bed, a dresser, and some art that Shane’s almost certain that Ilya didn’t pick out because even Shane thinks it’s kind of boring. Shane tries to imagine Ilya having guests over for non-sex reasons and he finds he just can’t. All accounts of Ilya that Shane’s heard through the grapevine is that Ilya is a much more social captain than Shane. But Shane never sees Ilya with other hockey players except on the ice or from a distance. He can’t imagine St. Simon or Connors crashing with their good buddy Ilya Rozanov after a few too many shots.

Shane kind of wishes he could.

He nods slowly, “Yes, makes sense. She should be close to – to Ilya.”

Svetlana nods, “Okay. I don’t know if this is getting us anywhere. What can I do to help you, Hollander?”

Shane winces, he’s clearly annoying her. “Honestly? I need, like, a shower. And some time to wrap my head around things. And I don’t know, a minute to myself?”

A smile crosses Svetlana’s face like a sunrise. She really is beautiful. “Yes. Okay. You have my number, yes?”

Shane nods. She holds up her phone, “Great, you text me when you want something and you do not have it, or you get lonely, or you want to talk about embarrassing Ilya stories, okay? I’m going to go to work and sell someone a car they don’t need and probably can’t afford, and I’ll come back tomorrow if I don’t hear from you, okay?”

Shane blinks at her. “Uh, yes. Great. Thanks.”

“See you later, Jane,” she says, and then she’s gone.

Chapter 8: Scott: I never took my true heart, I never wrote it down

Chapter Notes

Ha it's my fic and I and I can make a Scott POV chapter because I have free willllll

Scott Hunter is enjoying a very nice very private day sprawled across his boyfriend’s lap. Kip’s fingers are in his hair, the sun is shining, no one’s around to gawk at them or say stupid things. Kip is reading something and Scott was trying to at some point also, but his book is laying beside his chair forgotten. It’s a really good day.

Scott’s phone vibrates their oversized deck chair. With a groan Kip reaches for it, “Tell whoever it is to fuck off.”

Scott’s planning to do exactly that, except that the person calling him is Shane Hollander. “Uh, one sec.” He hauls himself upright, “Hey, Rook.”

“Scott,” Hollander sounds a little shocked, like he wasn’t the one calling Scott. “Hi. Sorry to, uh, bother you.”

“It’s not a bother,” says Scott. Kip isn’t even pretending not to listen to the conversation, giving Scott the most adorable quizzical look. “What’s up? How’s your head?”

“My –? Oh, my head’s fine,” says Hollander, “Better. Thanks. I was calling to, uh, see how you were, actually.”

Scott doesn’t know Hollander super well, they’ve always been cordially friendly off the ice. They were compared often enough – not as often as Hollander and Rozanov, and definitely not for the same reasons – due to being younger captains with good reputations and very private lives. So he’s not exactly been expecting to hear from Hollander, though Scott’s been hearing from a lot of his fellow players across the league. Apparently being the only guy in the MLH to come out as gay meant that everyone needed to congratulate you on the Cup they’d all wished they’d beaten him for, lest he think they were homophobic or whatever. Except the homophobic ones who also seemed happy to let him know how they felt about him.

But Hollander missed the playoffs, out on IR following a shockingly ill-timed hit during a game against Boston. Scott had heard it wasn’t so bad, but he knew Hollander wasn’t a big social media guy and honestly wouldn’t be surprised if Hollander was only just now catching up on the world and learning about Scott’s insane coming out.

“Oh, I’m doing good,” is what Scott goes with, “Uh, busy few weeks, but you know, you’ve won two Cups yourself, huh, Rook?”

Hollander’s voice is still off, even for Hollander who sometimes sounded a bit flat or blunt, “Oh. Yeah. Congratulations on the Cup. We’ll, uh, have it back in Montreal next year though.”

“Oh fuck off,” Scott returns automatically, but his stomach turns a little uneasily. Is Shane Hollander a homophobe? He’s definitely heard other Montreal players use some questionable language on the ice, but Hollander’s reputation is pretty spotless. In Scott’s experience, Hollander tends to be a pretty surface level chirper, happy to keep the insults related to hockey and letting his own superior skills speak punctuate any chirps about not keeping up with him. Unlike Rozanov, Scott doesn’t think he’s ever heard Hollander chirp someone about their personal life.

There’s a beat of silence and it’s not his “turn” and Hollander called him and interrupted his day with Kip, but Scott asks, “Is everything okay, Hollsy?”

“No,” says Hollander, like he’s been dying to say so. “Uh, sorry. I mean, I don’t know. I meant, uh, when I asked how you were, I didn’t mean about winning. I meant… everything else?”

Right. The gay stuff.

“Well,” says Scott, “I was, you know, not planning to be quite so… public. But things are settling down, one way or another.” Has he lost some brand deals? Yeah. Has he gotten some new ones? Definitely. 

Hollander hesitantly probes a little more, “Your team, the league, has been good?”

“Well they’re pretty happy to have the Cup in New York,” says Scott, “So yeah. Who I’m in love with doesn’t affect my hockey. Clearly.” Kip’s eyes are wide with concern now. Scott reaches over and squeezes his hand reassuringly.

The insinuation that Hollander might think Scott’s hockey would be impacted by who he loves makes him splutter on the other end of the phone. Scott almost feels bad. “No! Of course not! I just meant, like, we’ve all been in a locker room before where it could be… not great.”

“The guys have been great,” said Scott, “I mean they knew before, so yeah, I’m lucky.”

“Lucky,” Hollander echoed, almost like he didn’t mean to. “And like…?”

Scott’s worry that Hollander’s a quiet homophobe is giving way to a new worry. One that fills him with equal parts dread and hope. “One sec, Hollander. Don’t hang up.”

“Uh, okay,” Hollander agrees.

Scott puts the phone on mute. Kip immediately asks, “What is it?”

“Uh, do you remember Shane Hollander? The one who plays for Montreal?” Kip’s face scrunches up adorably as he thinks and then shrugs. Scott shakes his head, “Nevermind, I’ll fill you in later, uh, he’s on the phone and I don’t know, I think he’s trying to ask me about coming out?”

“A lot of people have been asking you about coming out,” Kip says.

Scott shakes his head more, “No, like, I think he might… come out to me?”

“Take him off mute,” Kip says, lunging for Scott’s phone, “Oh my God, you can’t just – let him do that if that’s what’s happening, and then freak out after, holy shit, Scott.”

Scott listens to his boyfriend, who is much more practiced at being out than Scott is. He does his best not to sound too freaked, “Sorry, Hollsy, what were you asking?”

For one second, he’s worried Hollander hung up on him. Then he hears a ragged breath on the other end of the line. Scott tries again, “Hey, uh, Shane? Whatever you wanna ask me, trust me someone else has asked me something way worse in the last few months, I promise.”

“That’s so fucking stupid,” Hollander mutters, and Scott’s just glad he’s talking. He takes another deep breath then apologizes. A lot. “Sorry. I’m bothering you. And you don’t owe anyone anything. Sorry, I’m being fucking weird.”

“Shane,” Scott says patiently, even though the flicker of hope is whipping into a frenzied forest fire in Scott’s chest, “It’s fine. It’s really fine.”

Weirdly, Hollander responds to that. “Fuck, it’s just – I’m, uh, gay.”

Even though he’s been trying to coax the words from Hollander for a few minutes, hearing them is beyond surreal. Scott thinks about all the years he felt so alone in this league. But Shane’s been with him, even if neither of them ever knew it. His agent, Todd, had been right, the closet was crammed full of professional athletes. The comparisons about their – lack of – private lives seem even more poignant now. “Hollsy, wow. That’s great. Uh, thanks for telling me.”

He gets another ragged breath in response, “Does that ever get… easier?”

“Kiss your boyfriend on live TV with a few million people watching,” advises Scott with an adoring grin in said boyfriend’s direction, “Most people you know will probably see that and you’ll be done.”

Kip laughs and kisses Scott’s cheek. Hollander lets out a surprised, slightly shaky bark of laughter. It’s a little harsh in Scott’s ears, but he welcomes it. “Fuck, yeah, that’d do it, eh?”

Scott’s curious, “Do you… have someone? Like that?”

“Oh,” Hollander breathes, “Yeah. I – I’m going to tell you, and I swear he knows I’m calling, okay?”

Scott’s breath catches in his throat. Shane Hollander’s public dating history has consisted of exactly one extremely famous actress. And from the way he’s talking, Scott’s guessing that Shane Hollander’s taste in men is equally high-profile. “Hang on, hang on, Hollsy, uh, I know you don’t know him, but Kip and I are at our rental house, can I put him on speaker? I don’t know where this is going but I promise we’re alone and he’s going to be way more helpful.”

“Oh,” says Hollander again, “I think you’re gonna be fine. But okay.”

Scott puts his phone on speaker and sets it between his knees and Kip’s, “Okay, uh, Shane Hollander, this is my boyfriend, Kip Grady. Kip Grady, this is Shane Hollander, Captain of the Montreal Metros.”

“And, uh, gay,” adds Shane, “Also.”

Kip’s eyes light up, “Nice to meet you, Shane. What’s up?”

Shane still sounds stressed, “Uh, I don’t think… even after you came out, I didn’t think that was… an option for me.” Scott’s not too surprised. There’s a lot of hockey players who walk through their own cities without being recognized. Scott’s been to a lot of places by design where hockey isn’t a thought and his face and name mean nothing. He’s on the higher end of the recognizability spectrum. Shane Hollander is hands down the most recognizable face and name in current-day hockey. His face is everywhere, doing Calvin Klein and Reebok ads and dating Rose Landry.

“But you met someone,” Scott says, because he’s living that experience.

“Uh, sort of,” Hollander laughs, “Fuck you’re gonna be… probably not mad, but like – fuck.”

Kip takes over, “Hey, Shane, can I call you Shane? Whoever it is, I promise we’re not going to judge or whatever. And we’re not going to out either of you.”

Scott Hunter doesn’t know what to expect. It wouldn’t matter, because the answer is more outrageous than anything he ever could have imagined. “It’s, uh, Rozanov.”

“Holy shit,” Scott breathes out before he can stop himself. “Ow!” 

Kip doesn’t look sorry for giving him an admittedly not super effective shove. “Hey, Shane, take a breath, okay?” Kip raises an eyebrow at him and Scott realizes that Kip doesn’t realize what a huge fucking deal this is. 

Scott’s brain turns off and turns back on again and he knows he a) needs a LOT more information, and b) if he doesn’t say the right thing, Shane Hollander is going to shut down and never talk to him again. “Hollsy – Shane – it’s… it’s serious? I, uh, I mean I didn’t like, plan to kiss Kip on TV, but I was definitely planning to come out. My agent, my coach, and the team already knew.”

“It’s serious,” Hollander confirms, the most certain he’s sounded so far, “It’s really fucking serious.”

Scott thought back to the gay club in Vegas. The look on Ilya Rozanov’s face when he told Scott that Scott’s coming out would be a good thing “for others”. 

The way he’d moved through the gay club with practice. 

He thought about sitting next to – apparently fellow gay man – Shane Hollander in Sochi, eating ice cream and listening to Carter clumsily and a little ignorantly explain to them how unsafe Russia was for gay people.

He thinks about the money that the Hollander-Rozanov rivalry generates for the MLH. 

They’re going to be investigated for collusion for sure.

“Hollander,” says Scott, “I’m going to be super honest with you, Roger Crowell is a homophobic asshole even if he says the league supports all players. And if you and Rozanov are – it’s going to be bad.”

“I know,” Hollander says quietly, “I mean, I didn’t know, but… I’ve worried about it. A lot.”

Kip’s brow is furrowed, “Why is…? Sorry, I only kinda liked hockey before I met Scott, I really only follow the Admirals. Why is this a big deal?”

Shane lets out that too-loud barking laugh again. Scott leans forward to kiss Kip quickly, “Uh, this would be like if…” Scott fails to come up with an appropriate pop culture analogy for the infamous rivalry, “I don’t know. I have so many questions. Is, uh, is Roz there?”

“No,” Hollander sounds miserable, “He’s – long story, he’s in Russia.” Oh great, the worst place he could probably be. “And I’m in Boston.”

Boston? What the fuck is Shane Hollander doing in Boston without Rozanov?

This is apparently enough information for Kip to finally realize who they’re talking about, “Wait, isn’t Rozanov the one who came clubbing with us?”

“Yes,” Scott says, and Hollander mutters something unintelligible on the other end of the line. “And the MLH has made a fucking mint on the narrative that Hollander and Rozanov hate each other, though clearly that’s not true. How the hell did this even happen, Rook?”

“Long story,” Hollander says again, “Uh, look, I know you have questions, and I kinda want to answer them. But, uh, Ilya’s going to be home in what I hope is a few days with his niece, so he doesn’t have time to worry about coming out. I have a lot of time to worry about everything.”

Scott and Kip sit back and get a very details-lite recap of events.

1. Ilya Rozanov is the new guardian of his two year old niece.
2. Hollander and Rozanov have been recently serious and secretly hooking up for what seems to Scott like a very long time though Hollander’s cagey about the exact timeline.
3. Hollsy’s got a fourteen step plan for getting Ilya and his niece Canadian citizenship that he won’t elaborate on too much.
4. Hollsy’s plan falls the fuck apart if the league kicks them out.

Scott winds up right back where he started, “Hollsy, I know you would never – but just being really honest here – please promise me that there is nothing anywhere that anyone can hack, leak, dig up or whatever that would make anyone think that you and Roz ever threw a game for one another?”

“Fuck you,” Hollander snaps, “We would never do that!”

“I know,” Scott says patiently, and he can see that only now is Kip realizing how serious this is, beyond the general hockey homophobia. “But if you’re asking me what the risk is with the league, that’s it, Holz. They can’t fire you for being gay –”

“Ilya’s bi,” says Shane absently.

“Either way,” Scott starts again, “They can’t fire you for that without sparking a huge deal. Trust me, I think Crowell tried, he definitely would’ve if he could have. But they can sure as fuck fire you for colluding to throw games or whatever. So that’s what they’re going to accuse you of, and you need to be prepared for that.”

“Fuck,” Shane says, “I think we need a third lawyer.”

Scott’s not too sure what the first two lawyers are for in Hollander’s plans, but he figures the third is probably needed. 

Scott can’t end this call without knowing, “Hollsy, please, come on, just between us, I am dying to know how you fell for that asshole”

Shane huffs out an actual laugh, “I mean, you’ve met him, right? He’s persistent as fuck, and we’re both competitive as hell, and the more we hooked up the harder it got to stop. And the harder it got to admit we weren’t just hooking up anymore.”

Scott asked, “And now you’re ‘risk throwing your career away and raise a kid together’ in love with him?”

“Aren’t you?” Shane asks, “With Kip, I mean? If you lost that game and you didn’t win the Cup, you still would’ve come out. And you would’ve had a lot less leverage in the league. Even if you didn’t lose hockey, you could’ve been traded some where shit –”

“Where like Ottawa? I hear that the last kid to make it to the show from Ottawa was a real degenerate,” Scott teases.

“Oh fuck you,” says Shane laughing, “You know that’s exactly what someone’s going to say when they find out I’m gay, right?” He keeps going, “And even if the league can’t do anything, sponsors can.”

“Yeah my agent gave me this talk before I came out,” said Scott dryly, “Love the guy, but he was pretty clear I was getting too old to be doing anything that might jeopardize my career and the best time to come out would be never.”

“Jesus,” Shane said, “I thought my mom was an intense manager, but at least she’s got the emotional tie of being my mom. I mean she wants the three of us to be the gay faces of every brand ever, but at least she didn’t want me to stay in the closet. I would be fine staying here though. If Ilya’s with me.”

Scott’s gut punched by the warring emotions of missing his own mother, the disconcerting sweetness of Shane Hollander and Ilya Rozanov, and the vague fear of Yuna Hollander and Todd joining forces to fill his days off with sponsorships from brands waiting to capitalize on his big gay moment of becoming.

Shane coughs loudly over the silence, “Listen, uh, it’s been really great talking to you guys. Seriously. And we should talk more. But I have a shit ton of kid stuff to assemble and I’ve taken up so much of your day.”

“We’ll talk again soon,” says Scott, because it’s never really that long between times he sees Hollander really, and also because he’s sure they’re about to be tied together for the rest of their careers. “Tell Roz to call me, Christ I can’t believe I’m even saying that.”

“Thanks Scott,” says Shane, “I, uh, I wanted to call sooner. I just thought I’d have to lie when I did it. But what you did… it changed things. For me, for Ilya. Even if we thought we shouldn’t come out… we wanted to try to be together because of you and Kip.”

“Thank you,” said Scott, “I wanted to be that for someone. So the next guy would have it easier than I did.”

“We won’t,” said Shane, “But that’s not your fault. Guy number four though, he’s gonna have a great time.”

Kip laughs, and Scott really wants Shane to meet his boyfriend, “Go put together some furniture, Rook. And, uh, get a good babysitter, cause we need to have dinner somewhere and I want you and Roz to meet Kip for real and I need the entire story.”

“Deal,” says Shane, “Bye guys.”

Scott throws his phone aside, “Good news, this insane part of our lives is almost over. The second they come out, we’re old news.”

Kip raises an eyebrow, “You think so?”

“Oh yeah,” says Scott, “Figures Rozanov would find a way to show me up.”

Chapter 9: Ilya: So when the lights cut out

Chapter Notes

this one is SOOO short, new update coming soon will be longer I promise!

Ilya slept on the plane, but he’s still exhausted when he lands. He texts Shane that he’s landed safely, passes through customs, and drops his things off at his apartment. 

He’s summoned to an office and made to do a mountain of boring paperwork.

And finally, they trot out a tiny little girl.

She studies Ilya suspiciously from behind the legs of the man who presents her. Ilya crouches down, “Do you remember me?”

At first she shakes her head, tries to  hide, but then after a minute she says cautiously, “Dyadya?”

“Yes,” Ilya says, “I’m your dyadya.” He looks at the man next to Yeva helplessly, “What happens now?”

He misses Shane. 

There’s more paperwork that Ilya does with Yeva tucked against him, curled in his lap. It’s excruciating. 

Eventually, Ilya walks out with a two-year-old.

He’s always been kind of good with kids. They’re… easier than adults. The things they expect are magic and silliness and they thrive with a little attention. Adults want real things, expect things from Ilya that he can’t deliver.

Only Yeva doesn’t want magic. 

Yeva wants her mama. 

Ilya wants his.

Chapter 10: Svetlana: I was lost, standing in the wilderness downtown

Chapter Notes

let Sveta cook!

Svetlana figures out Shane Hollander on his third day in Boston. She lets herself into Ilya’s place and finds that Shane is hard at work and has been since she left him on the first day.

The second day, she’d stopped by, brought a bunch of food since she knew Ilya had none, and they’d shared an awkward meal. 

But this morning, she finds that the bed frame, mattress, and dresser have been disassembled and removed as well as the bland artwork. Ilya’s guest room is transformed. There’s a toddler sized bed on the floor, a new dresser, a bookshelf stocked with kids books – she even spots that some of them are written in Russian. There’s a carpet on the floor, and Shane’s assembling some sort of house that she’s not sure if it’s for small children or large dolls.

She knocks on the door frame and he jumps a little, “Oh, hey! Fuck, I didn’t hear you come in.”

She grins, “You and Ilya are going to have to stop swearing or the only English word she’ll know is fuck.”

To her delight, Hollander grins back, “Already thought of that. Swear jar.” He goes back to assembling the house, “My best friend Hayden and his wife Jackie just had their fourth kid. It’s a dollar per swear and at five I rat him out to his wife.”

Svetlana hasn’t thought about toys in much more than passing in years but she sits down opposite Hollander and tries to be helpful, “You like kids then?”

Shane frowns down at the screws he’s tightening, “I like Hayden’s kids. The three I’ve met anyways, I haven't met the fourth one yet.” Most people would assume that they’d like their best friend’s baby. Not Shane Hollander. He wants to meet the baby and then decide how he feels about them. 

Shane reaches for the next piece, which she happens to be holding, “Thanks. What about you? Do you like kids?”

She shrugs, “Not really. I’m not a child hating monster, but…”

“But they’re loud,” says Shane, “And messy, and unpredictable. And they’re full of germs.”

“Sticky,” she supplies, “Very.”

Shane keeps working. He doesn’t ask for her help, but he doesn’t stop her as she looks at the directions and she figures out which steps she can do to actually help him along. She asks, “So, Hayden with the four kids, this is Hayden Pike, yes?”

Shane nods, “Yeah, that’s Hayd.”

“And he’s how you knew to buy all this stuff?”

“No,” says Shane, “Well, some of it, I guess. Like, Jade and Ruby have this exact playhouse and Hayden and I put it together for them two Christmases ago, it was a pain in the ass then too. But, uh, mostly I’ve been getting suggestions from my mom and the internet.”

Svetlana reads between the lines. Hayden doesn’t know where Shane is or why Shane would need a recommendation for a kid Shane doesn’t have. “It must be very lonely, hiding.”

Shane shrugs, “Being lonely wasn’t so bad for a long time.”

She knows what he means. It’s not just the secret relationship with Ilya. She’s seen that in Ilya, in his own way. The parade of clubs and women, never letting anyone too close. Never knowing if it was him they liked or the name or the money that he came with. She’d seen that in her father, even after he retired from the MLH. 

She wondered if that loneliness was what got Scott Hunter a few months ago. When he held that cup up and his teammates stopped to have a moment with their families and he had no family, his secret boyfriend was up in the stands, not on the ice with the WAGs and the kids. Shane seems happy to talk to her today if she keeps things moving so she asks, “What’s Rose Landry like?”

“She thinks she’s hilarious,” says Shane, but then he smiles to himself, “She kind of is. She’s great. Nice, like, actually nice even when you’re too gay to be her boyfriend. She’s the kind of person who will realize that you’re terrified to be yourself, and she’ll sit you down and tell you it’s okay to be gay. She’s a really good friend whether you want her to be or not.”

Svetlana hands Shane the next piece, “So she knows?”

“She knows I’m gay,” says Shane, “She doesn’t know about Ilya.”

“Ilya didn’t really… tell me anything,” says Svetlana. “I know you’re Jane and that’s… kind of it.”

Shane grimaces, “He talks about you a lot. I, uh, don’t really know what to do with that. But I think… he’s just as scared as I am and I didn’t realize. And that’s just… how he’s figuring out what we are, in his own way.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” says Svetlana honestly, “I mean, we talked about you a lot, but we always talk about hockey, and I didn’t know you are Jane.”

Shane shrugs, “Okay, well, I don’t really know how to be Ilya’s boyfriend. And I don’t really have much practice talking about us. I’ve told my parents and I’ve told Scott Hunter and his boyfriend.”

Svetlana sits up straighter, “What was the boyfriend like?”

“He didn’t say a lot,” said Shane, “But he seemed nice. He tried to help Scott help me. I think Ilya met him in person.”

“Blyat,” she needs Ilya to remember to text someone besides Shane once in a while, “He never tells me anything.” 

Shane finishes the house and sets it carefully in one corner. He reaches down and easily pulls her to her feet. She eyes the room, “You moved a lot of furniture by yourself for someone who broke his collar bone recently.”

He shrugs, “Feels fine. Good to do something, actually. It, uh, looks good so far?”

Svetlana nods, Hollander really is kind of… eager to please. Not just in hockey, but he’s clearly trying hard to make all of this set up work perfect. He cares so much about all the details.

Hollander picks up the next box and takes it to the kitchen, “I wasn’t sure if I should get a high chair or a booster seat for the table. I went with the booster seat, uh, she’s about the age Hayden’s twins were when they switched.”

“I’ve never seen Ilya eat a meal at the table,” she says honestly. She doesn’t add ‘except for me’ because she’s getting the sense that Shane’s sensitive about her and Ilya's sexual history. 

Shane nods, “Yeah, sounds like Ilya.” He gets to work unpacking and setting up the booster seat at the table. This, he’s clearly done with Hayden Pike’s kids because he hardly looks at the directions.

She sits at the island, “You’re going to be good. With Yevochka.”

Shane looks up, “Why do you do that? You do that to Ilya’s name too.”

“It’s a Russian thing,” she says, “It’s… I want to say intimate but I know in English that usually means sexual, and it’s not.”

Understanding blossoms on Shane’s face though, “Familiar?”

She nods, “Yes. Familiar.”

“Teach me,” says Hollander, sitting down across the table from her. “For Ilya, you say Ilyukha?”

She shakes her head, “No. Well, yes. I say Ilyukha. You would say Ilyusha.”

Shane frowns, “What’s the difference?”

“Ilya is my friend,” she says, “And your boyfriend. You would not talk to Hayden Pike and call him sweetheart like his wife, no?”

“Definitely not,” Shane laughed. 

“A mother might say something more like… Ilyushenka?” Svetlana said, “Is… very cute.”

Shane’s eyes shone with understanding, “So Yevochka…?”

“Yevushka or Yevashka are also good,” she offers.

“Thank you,” says Shane earnestly, “Ilya has brushed it off before, when I said I wanted to learn.”

Svetlana rolled her eyes, “That is because when Ilya talks to you in Russian, he says what he really feels and you’ll know that he is all mushy inside.’

She grins at the flush in Shane Hollander’s cheeks, “Ah, you are mushy too. Ilya is terrible about communicating his feelings. He’s very direct about many things, this is a trick, Hollander. So he does not have to admit that he is scared.”

Shane lets out a startled laugh, and that is how Svetlana learns – finally – the truth about the ginger ale in the fridge and the sudden disappearance of Jane and the saga of Rose Landry.

Eventually, she is joining Shane in sticking little plastic bumpers on every corner in Ilya’s disgustingly modern home, shrieking with laughter at the idea of Shane Hollander being sat down by Rose Landry and informed kindly but insistently that he is gay. 

They collapse on opposite ends of the couch at the end of the day. Shane is drinking ginger ale, and she has wine. Shane’s smile comes easily now, and Svetlana’s not ashamed to admit she’s a little disappointed that Shane’s gay and that somehow he’s turned her Ilya into a fiercely monogamous man. He’d be hot in bed, she’s sure, and he and Ilya would be very hot together. But that ship has sailed.

Shane is running out of boxes to unpack and things to baby-proof. He holds up his ginger ale in toast and takes a long sip, “I think Ilya needs to move, I can’t think of any possible way to babyproof the fireplace. Except maybe just never turning it on again, or building a fence around it. Which would be really fucking ugly.”

Shane scowls at the bumpers on the corners of the coffee table, “When I found out about Yeva, I told Ilya he should marry you.”

Svetlana almost chokes on her wine, “What? Marry me? Why would he do that?” She’d resigned herself a long time ago to the fact that as fun as Ilya was, they just didn’t feel anything more than affection for one another. They’d had their fun, but Ilya had stopped fucking her ages ago and she didn’t see that changing any time soon.

Shane frowns, “You’re an American.”

Svetlana throws the pillow at him, “Take that back, Hollander. I am Russian.”

Hollander bats the pillow away easily, “You know what I mean. Ilya doesn’t want a Russian passport.”

She can’t exactly blame Ilya for that. “You would have allowed this to happen? You are more of an idiot than he is.”

“It’s not like I liked the idea,” his face scrunches up, “But it’s safer. Safer than what we’re doing. And I want them to be safe.”

“Well Ilya is not safe,” Svetlana says, “He says you are boring. He loves that you are boring because really you are very dangerous. And he has always liked this, it is a flaw he has, cannot be helped.” She can see Shane wants to interrupt so she goes quicker, “He loves you, even if he will sometimes only be able to tell you by jumping five steps ahead at once and then immediately need you to take six to catch up and pass him.”

Shane’s annoyed look smooths into something surprised, “That is… exactly what he does.”

“Because you’re both idiots,” she repeats, “I know you love slamming all your friends into the boards, but you’re going to need to smarten up, for Yevochka’s sake.”

Shane takes a long sip of his ginger ale, “I will if Ilya will.”

She laughs, “Hollander, I think we’re going to be friends after all.”

Chapter 11: Ilya: Now our lives are changing fast

Ilya practically drags a screaming child across the world. 

Yeva cries at the airport in Russia. Through most of the flight, until she passes out from exhaustion. And again on landing. She’s throwing such a tantrum, that they are pulled aside at customs and Ilya must prove to the American government that he is not kidnapping or trafficking a two year old.

To add insult to injury, Shane is waiting to pick them up and he looks sexy as fuck. He grins as he gets out to help with the now just-sniffling child.

“Yevochka, this is Shane, he is very pretty and very kind,” Ilya sees Shane smile when he hears his name. “He does not speak Russian, so you must be very patient with him, but he will learn, and he will teach you better English than I can.”

Shane folds himself down to Yeva’s level, or at least as close as he can get, “Privet Yevochka, menya zovut Shane.” 

Ilya’s mouth drops open, “Moya lyubov!”

Shane grins shyly, “I’ve been practicing all morning, did I say it right?”

“Your accent is terrible,” says Ilya with a grin, “But yes.” He lifts Yeva into the car seat Shane has waiting in Ilya’s least ostentatious car so he doesn’t kiss Shane right there at the airport.

Shane loads their bags into the trunk, “You need a new car. And a house without a fireplace you can’t baby proof.”

Ilya grins, “Shane Hollander, has anyone ever told you that you are bossy?”

Shane grins wider, “Once or twice.”

Ilya gets in the passenger seat with a groan. Shane jogs around to the driver’s side. Ilya waits for the doors to close before whining, “This is not fair. I want to kiss you. Looking so pretty and surprising me with very sexy Russian.”

“It wasn’t sexy,” Shane argues, “I sound awful.”

“Mmm, I think I get to decide what is sexy and what is not,” says Ilya petulantly.

Shane takes one hand off the wheel and reaches. Ilya holds Shane’s hand in his, low where the world can’t see. “I missed you, Ilya.”

“I missed you, moya lyubov.” Ilya is exhausted but this truth is easy. “I missed you so much it hurt.”

Shane squeezes his hand, “Well, I’m here now. And it doesn’t need to hurt anymore.”

They’re quiet the rest of the way. Shane parks in the garage and Ilya lifts Yeva into his arms. She’s apprehensive as Ilya carries her inside, curling into his neck. “Dyadya?”

Ilya ducks his head so their faces are touching, “What do you want, babygirl?”

“I’m tired,” she whines.

Ilya nods, “Me too, but the good news is we do not have to go anywhere else. You and me, we will sleep now, yes?”

Ilya looks up and sees Svetlana waiting for him. She motions him down the hall and Ilya follows her to the guest bedroom. He opens it and sees… his guest room is gone. In its place is the room of a little girl. A child-sized bed and books and toys and all the things a child could want. Yeva squirms in his arms to be let down, running first to the house in the corner, then to the stuffed animals. She scoops up two plush dogs in her arms, then she whirls back around, “Dyadya, where’s my bear?”

Ilya knows exactly which bear she means because there’s only one she really cares about. “Wait, let me get it.”

Ilya jogs past a bewildered Shane and back to the garage. He tears through his carry on until he finds the raggedy little thing, leaves the bag torn open in the back seat. He brings it back triumphantly, “Here you are, Yevochka.”

She drops her new toys and clutches the bear to her chest. Ilya suggests softly, “How about we get ready for a little nap, yes?”

She whines, but to Ilya’s surprise, she climbs up onto the bed. Shane makes an involuntary noise and Ilya’s sure it’s because she’s still wearing both her shoes and her clothes from travelling.

“Shane thinks we should put on some pajamas first, yes? He is very nervous about dirt sometimes, but he is very pretty so we must listen, yes?”

Svetlana lets out an amused scoffing sound and Ilya suddenly remembers she’s still here. He grins at her. He pulls off Yeva’s shoes one after the other and sets them next to the bed. Shane immediately goes to the dresser and pulls out a pair of pajamas. Ilya takes them and clumsily dresses Yeva and tucks her in.

She’s falling asleep while he does it, and Ilya quickly does the math that on top of the long trip, it’s well past Yeva’s bedtime in Moscow. Ilya tucks his niece in snugly, “I will be in the room next door if you need me, moya printsessa.” 

He herds Shane and Svetlana out and closes the door behind them. Shane instantly wedges himself into Ilya’s left side, breathing him in. Ilya wraps his arms around Shane, “I missed you, moya lyubov.”

“Missed you,” Shane echoes.

Ilya holds Shane tight with his right arm, and reaches out his left, “You too, Sveta, please.”

Svetlana surprisingly doesn’t hesitate, hugging him tightly. Ilya holds the two people who mean the most to him in the world, something he had thought he’d never do.

Svetlana pulls away first, “I should go and let you settle in. I will bring dinner tomorrow after work.”

“Okay,” Ilya says, “Thank you.”

He lets Shane push him into his room. Their room. The bed is made, but clearly Shane’s been sleeping there. Ilya is delighted to see his glasses on the bedside table. Shane tugs his shirt over his head and Ilya lets him. Shane removes Ilya’s pants next, and Ilya kicks off his shoes so they can untangle his pants from his ankles together. 

Ilya sinks onto the bed in his boxers, “I missed you.”

“You said that,” Shane smiles as he puts Ilya’s clothes in the hamper. His own shirt follows, “Was it… okay? I mean, I know it’s sad, but…”

“It was boring,” Ilya assures him, “Many things to read and to sign. More stuff for her will arrive soon, things from her home. But mostly, she misses her Mama, and I missed you.”

Shane climbs into Ilya’s lap, strong thighs flexing over Ilya’s, “I love you.”

Ilya cards his hands through Shane’s hair, “Ya tozhe tebya lyublyu.”

Shane laughs, “I know that one now too.”

“Did Svetlana teach you all my secrets?”

Shane pushes him so he falls backwards against the bed, “Someone had to.”

Ilya hauls himself and Shane up the bed so they can lay down together properly. Shane holds him tightly, “Sleep, I have so much to tell you but you need to be awake.”

And Ilya’s tossed and turned for days no matter how exhausting the world has felt. But now he sleeps because Shane tells him to.

Chapter 12: Shane: Hope that something pure can last

Shane is wide awake after a short nap. Thrumming with energy. He doesn’t want to wake Ilya with it so he eases himself out of bed and out of the room. It’s early evening and he’s starving, so he gets to work, chopping vegetables.

“Dyadya?”

Shane spins towards the sound, sees a sleepy little girl trailing a worn bear alongside her. “Uh, hello, Yeva. I’m here.”

She turns, and she pads towards him curiously, “Chto eto takoye?”

Shane winces, tries to remember the feel of the words in his mouth when he’d practiced them before with Svetlana. He’s sure he sounds terrible as he tells her he only knows English. “Izvinite, ya znayu tol'ko angliyskiy.”

Her face scrunches up in annoyance and she looks so much like Ilya for a moment. Shane picks up the piece of carrot he’s been chopping. He holds out a piece to her. She snatches it, “Spasibo.”

They eke out a tentative understanding, where Shane lets her sample various vegetables and she shows him her bear.

The bedroom door opens. Ilya appears, “Shane?”

“We’re in here,” Shane says, “Uh, maybe you can tell me what she wants?”

Ilya is tugging on a shirt as he pads down the hall. He asks Yeva something and she chatters back eagerly. Ilya grins at him, “She’s hungry, but it looks like you are already taking care of this, yes?”

“Uh, yes,” says Shane, “I should’ve asked to make sure she didn’t have an allergy or something, but she seems okay.”

“She’s perfect,” Ilya says. He scoops Yeva up and sits on a barstool with her in his lap, “You have what you need? You want help?”

Shane shakes his head, “No help. Just sit.”

Ilya does, “Shane?”

Shane looks up, “Yes?”

Ilya is frowning at him, “Is something wrong?”

“Not wrong,” says Shane, “Just… loud. Uh, people definitely have… questions. About why we’ve been seen together. Why I’m in Boston.”

Ilya nods slowly, “Yes, this was expected. Planned.”

Shane nods as well, because Ilya’s right, “I know. It’s just… still trying to adjust to the idea. Oh, by the way, Scott Hunter wants you to call him.”

A wicked grin spreads across his face, “Does he? I don’t think we have anything in common to talk about.” He winks at Shane, “Was he shocked? Did his young beautiful boyfriend have to give him CPR?”

Shane can’t help pouting a little, “You think Kip is beautiful?”

“Not as beautiful as you,” Ilya assures him. “No freckles, no glasses, Scott Hunter has terrible taste.”

Shane rolls his eyes but he knows he’s blushing. Ilya says something to Yeva and she slides down and starts exploring by the couch. Ilya braces his arms against the counter across from Shane, “I thought you might murder Svetlana when I was gone.”

Shane glares at him, “Shut up.” He crumbles after another few seconds though, “She’s great. She showed up and made me talk to her until I had to like her.”

“Da,” Ilya laughs, “She does that.”

Shane laughs too and goes back to cooking. Ilya sidles up behind him and hands wrap around Shane’s middle. Ilya mouths at Shane’s ear and the back of his neck, “You look so fucking good in my kitchen. It’s not fair.”

Shane tries not to be totally distracted by that, concentrating on not burning anything. He decides to shift to a safer topic, “My mom thinks we should make – you should make – the first post when you’re ready. Maybe tomorrow or the next day. If you’re okay with that.”

Ilya’s lips press more firmly against Shane’s jaw, “Yes. I must call my coach first. But then, yes. Better for me if people understand why I am so busy.”

Shane turns his face so that Ilya can kiss him quickly. Shane finishes cooking in comfortable silence, basking in the heat of Ilya against his spine. 

Shane plates up food onto three plates – one blue plastic – and brings it to the table. And then they have their first meal as a family. 

Ilya invents a new game. One that Shane and Yeva both immediately take to, where Ilya points to something or picks it up, and Shane names it in English, Yeva in Russian, and then they both try to switch.” 

Ilya points to a fork, then the plate, and so on and so forth. Yeva starts pointing, looking to Shane to name the item and then name it herself, delighting when he gets sort of close to copying her.

They collapse onto the couch together and Yeva points to herself curiously, “Yeva?”

Shane grins at her, “Yevochka.”

He points to himself, and before he can say Shane, she giggles, “Moya lyubov!”

Shane starts to protest but he’s stopped by Ilya pressing his lips to Shane’s.

Chapter 13: And it seems strange

Eyes on Shane @metroswatch 

Uh… remember when someone thought they saw Shane at the Ottawa airport WITH ILYA ROZANOV? And Shane was maybe flying to Boston?? Guess who was just spotted PICKING ROZANOV UP FROM THE BOSTON AIRPORT??

[image: blurry photo of Shane Hollander lifting a suitcase into a car, Ilya Rozanov leaning into the car to situate a child, blurry face partially visible]

Mrs Shane Hollander @ShanesFreckles replying to @metroswatch

What is happening??

Shane Stan @HollanderHatTrick replying to @metroswatch

Don’t these guys HATE each other? Why would they be hanging out in the off season?? You people are so gullible

Shane Stan @HollanderHatTrick replying to @metroswatch

Okay wait I just saw the photos of Rozanov AND HIS KID??? And that is DEFINITELY Shane Hollander picking them up at the airport

Rosie @rosienov

Why are all the Sh*ne H*llander fans losing their minds? Aren’t they the ones always screaming that their fav is SUCH a good nice guy and Rozy could never? He’s picking him up at the airport not giving Roz a kidney

Ilya’s Raiders @raidmerozanov replying to @rosienov

I mean, yes, but let’s not pretend that these two don’t HATE each other. It’s part of both their brands and they’ve NEVER hung out or said anything nice about the other ever they are constantly trashing each other

Benji G @hollanovangels replying to @rosienov and @raidmerozanov

You say trashing I say flirting, po-tat-o po-TAT-o

@raidmerozanov replying to @rosienov and @hollanovangels

You can’t be serious

@rosienov replying to @raidmerozanov and @hollanovangels

Begone hollanov your delusions aren’t welcome in real life

MLH News @MLHUpdates

Boston Raiders’ Captain @ilyarozanov☑️ shares touching post on instagram about his brother’s death, sees surprising support from career rival @shanehollander24☑️ 

[image: Ilya Rozanov holding a small toddler, she’s facing away from the camera. Svetlana and Shane stand on either side of him.]

@ilyarozanov☑️: Thank you to the friends, family, and everyone at the Raider’s organization who was quick to offer help the last week after I learned of my brother’s unfortunate passing. I am taking this time to bond with my niece as we both adjust to our new family. So many people were quick to offer their support, their time, their advice and it means the world. Special thanks to @svetlana.vetrova and @ShaneHollanderHockeyPlayer☑️ for making sure we had everything we needed the second we got home

@ShaneHollanderHockeyPlayer☑️: thank you for accepting our help, Boston’s been a blast so far

@ScottHunter21☑️: hockey is a family, no matter which side of the ice you’re on. here if you need anything Roz

@svetlana.vetrova: you are very lucky I love you enough to risk looking stupid in front of @ShaneHollanderHockeyPlayer☑️

@ShaneHollanderHockeyPlayer☑️: @svetlana.vetrova you were the most helpful person I’ve ever met in my life

@CliffMarlow☑️: here for you brother

Boston Tea @RaidersNews

Holy shit so all those Hollander Rozanov friendship rumors were TRUE and Roz seems to be taking care of his niece full time?? What the hell is going on??

Max @hockeyho

Okay so… not judging, English is his second language and he’s clearly been going through it… but Rozanov did NOT write that caption right??

Meg @metrossexualmeg

HOLLANDER ROZANOV FRIENDSHIP WHAT??

Rinkside Receipts @rinksidereceipts

RUMOR: Montreal Metros Captain Shane Hollander rumored to be looking for a change and eyeing Boston after being spotted hanging out with Boston Raiders Captain Ilya Rozanov

Mayor of Hollanov @CaptainHollyRoz replying to @rinksidereceipts

“after being spotted” you mean after Rozanov POSTED THEM ON MAIN 

Montreal Metros @MTLMetrosOfficial

Any speculation that Shane Hollander is leaving our franchise is entirely unfounded. We look forward to another chance at the MLH Cup when our Captain returns, but we do not control where our players travel on their own time, especially in the off season.

Meg @metrossexualmeg replying to @MTLMetrosOfficial

You don’t control what (who) your players do on the off season but I sure bet you wish you did

Pikelander Stan @HaydenHollyBesties

Shane and Rozanov this, Shane and Rozanov that, where are my BESTIES Shane and Hayden??

Shane’s Left Skate @ShaneHollanderEra

Genuinely shook like what do you mean they’re friends

Chapter 14: Shane: How we used to wait for letters to arrive

Chapter Notes

I promise Hayden's gonna get on board eventually. He just sucks a bit right now

Shane wakes up to his phone ringing. He fumbles for it blindly, as Ilya protests sleepily in Russian. “Hello?”

“Shane what the fuck is going on?”

Shane sits up, “Oh. Hayd. Hang on.”

Shane puts Hayden on mute, pulls on a pair of boxers and a t-shirt and takes the baby monitor and unmutes Hayden when he reaches the living room, “Sorry, back. Hey.”

Hayden has not simmered down after being put on mute, “Shane, buddy, blink twice if you need help. Some blurry ass photos from the airport, okay fine, whatever could be you. But dude is this a joke? You hate him!”

“I don’t hate him,” Shane pinches the bridge of his nose, “If you’re talking about Rozanov –”

“Who the fuck else would I be talking about?”

Shit, Hayden sounds really mad. “Look, we’ve been, like, thrown together for promo stuff for like our whole careers, he’s kind of funny and I don’t know, we’re kind of friends? You know when we’re not trying to kill each other on the ice.” Shane’s a bad liar so he tends to aim for lies by omission, but this is close enough to the truth that Shane thinks he might be kind of selling it. “I’m just helping him out with his niece for a few weeks, you know I’ll be back in Montreal for training camp just like always.”

Hayden is not appeased, “Shane, come on. You don’t just call up your enemy to help you with a kid especially across the border. That’s a tier one friend minimum. I’d hesitate to ask you for that and you’re the best friend I’ve got.”

“I don’t know what to tell you, Hayden,” said Shane a bit impatiently, “I’m a grown man, I’m where I want to be, can you trust that I will fill you in later?”

Hayden still sounds unhappy, “When is later?”

“I don’t know,” Shane says. “When I get back to Montreal, probably. I’ll call you and let you know when you can come over, okay?”

“Fine,” says Hayden, “The guys are freaking out, what do you want me to tell ‘em?”

“Tell them when I get back I’m going to be ready to kick Boston’s ass next season,” says Shane, “And if that doesn’t shut them up, tell ‘em to fuck right off.”

Shane sees movement out of the corner of his eye. Ilya. Shane gestures to the phone and Ilya grins, kissing Shane while Hayden complains more. He cuts himself off suddenly, “Holy shit someone’s there with you. Oh my God, is that friend of Ilya’s Lily or something? Is that what’s happening right now? You’re helping him because you’re screwing his friend? Oh man I bet Lily’s thrilled you’ve been there so long –”

“You’re so off base,” Shane snapped, “Goodbye. I’ll see you in Montreal.”

Ilya’s smirk is betrayed by the worry in his eyes, “Is everything okay with Montreal?”

“Fuck no,” says Shane, “Hayden’s confused as hell and that’s probably worse with all the other guys on the team. They’re probably pissed.” He kisses Ilya a little more firmly, “I don’t want to think about it right now. Or ever.”

Ilya grimaces, “I am sorry things are hard for you with them. Things will be hard here too I think, even if my team is nicer about it. Hockey is… hard place to be like us.”

Shane grins, “No one else is like us. We’re in a league of our own, like always.”

Ilya’s eyes widen comically, “Shane! I think you said something very romantic. This is not like you.”

“Oh fuck you,” Shane complains, “I can be romantic.”

Ilya grins, “Okay.”

Shane wants to strangle this man, “Fuck off.”

“Must be romantic tomorrow,” Ilya says, sounding pretty regretful about it, “The team has seen instagram, they’ve decided to send one person to check on me so we do not feel ravaged by animals.”

Shane stares at Ilya. They’re both wearing Ilya’s clothes, Ilya has no shirt on and Shane can see a pretty clear hickey sucked under Ilya’s ear, “Shit. How long?”

“Maybe two hours,” says Ilya, “Maybe three. Marly is not a morning guy.”

Shane almost laughs, “Seriously, they nominated Marleau?”

Ilya grins, “Da, they know he can take Shane Hollander if he doesn’t get the right, ah, vibe.”

“You’re an idiot,” Shane says, kissing Ilya, “Where’s the baby monitor? Do we have time?”

Ilya holds up the baby monitor, it’s quiet on the other end, “Yes, come back to bed. She is sleeping still.”

And Shane goes.

Chapter 15: Ilya: But what's stranger still

Chapter Notes

Marly my guyyyy

Ilya is watching Shane, who is trying to coax Yeva into eating breakfast when his security system informs him there’s a car pulling up. Ilya pushes himself off the counter, “Here we go.”

He meets Cliff at the door, who wraps him in an unexpected hug, “We’re here for you, whatever you need, Roz.”

Ilya shoves his friend, “I need air to breathe. Come in.”

Cliff pulls away, “Dude, the internet is blowing the fuck up.”

“Come in,” Ilya says, “Uh, Hollander is here.”

Cliff blinks at him, “Since when the fuck does the internet know more about your life than I do, Roz?”

Ilya shrugs, “Things have been very busy. Internet knows more about my life than I do, I think. Take off your shoes.”

Cliff toes off his sneakers and follows Ilya to the kitchen. Ilya’s heart feels like its going to explode. Shane is being normal, wiping Yeva’s face. “Yevochka, there’s your pretty face. Smile for me? Uh, ulybka?”

Yeva beams, “Up!”

Ilya watches as Shane effortlessly hikes Yeva into his arms. He spins her around but stops as he spots them, “Oh. Hey. Marlow.” 

“Hollander.” 

Ilya waits for his best friend and his boyfriend to interact more. Shane puts Yeva down slowly and she toddles off in the direction of her toys. Cliff says quietly, “It’s good of you to help Roz out. You’re, uh, looking good. Strong.”

Shane flexes his shoulder gingerly, like he’s recalling the recently broken collar bone, “Oh. Yeah. No hard feelings, huh? Il – Rozanov said the hit was clean and you didn’t mean it. That’s hockey, man.”

Shane starts wiping the table down. Cliff looks to Ilya like ‘what now?’ Ilya shrugs, it wasn’t his idea to have Cliff over. Cliff does what he does best and sticks his foot in his mouth, “So… since when are you two best friends?”

Ilya sees the tension in Shane’s shoulders even though he doesn’t have a direct view of his face, “A while.”

Ilya hadn’t really ever let himself seriously imagine introducing Shane to the Raiders. Not that he needs much of an introduction. Cliff huffs, “Roz never mentioned it. In fact, he’s pretty much always plotting how to crush Montreal –”

“Marly,” Ilya interrupts, even as Shane turns to grin at him, “Shut your idiot mouth, Hollander is helping, what have you done for me lately? You want him to leave me and Yevochka to fend for ourselves?”

Shane’s face goes soft and indignant all at once, “I wouldn’t leave!”

Cliff rolls his eyes, “You’re such an ass –”

“Swear jar,” Shane says, pointing to the newly appointed jar next to the TV. 

Cliff gives Ilya a look, trying to decide if he’s serious. Ilya nods solemnly and Cliff reaches for his wallet. Shane dusts his hands off, “Okay, well, if Marlow’s here to hang, I’m going to go for a run and call my mom back. I’ll be back later.”

“Okay,” Ilya agrees, because he’s not going to make Shane and Cliff hang out. But then neither he nor Shane move. They stare at one another helplessly and it’s only when Cliff clears his throat that Ilya realizes this is supposed to be when he kisses Shane goodbye – usually with some begging for him to skip the run. 

Shane flushes adorably and dusts his hands off again. “Uh, yeah. Back later.”

“Have fun,” Ilya says, “Say hello to Yuna and David for me.”

Ilya herds Cliff towards Yeva and the TV and turns on SportsCenter, just hoping that Cliff wouldn’t notice Shane coming or going from Ilya’s bedroom to change for his run. Shane looks devastatingly sexy in his running shorts. He barely glances at Ilya or Cliff as he bends to kiss Yeva goodbye, “Be good, Yevochka.”

She looks questioningly at Ilya, who translates. “Bud' khoroshay.” She goes back to playing, probably she thinks she’s always good and she usually is.

And then Shane’s gone. Cliff collapses onto the couch, “Brother you are so fucked.”

Ilya whirls around, “Swear jar!”

Cliff sighs and stuffs a twenty in the jar, “Relax, she speaks Russian doesn’t she? There, how many does that buy me?”

Ilya rolls his eyes, “Yes, and at this rate her first English words will be fuck and asshole! Why are you pre-paying for swears?”

“Because you’re being a reckless fuckup,” snaps Cliff, “I don’t know what voodoo you pulled on Hollander to get him here but you can’t keep him, Roz. He’s going back to Montreal. And if you aren’t careful he’s gonna break your heart and kick your ass before he goes.”

“My heart is fine,” Ilya growls, “And I am way better fighter than him. Hollander wants to be here, you don’t know anything.”

“I know you want to fuck him,” says Cliff boldly, “And that would be fucking stupid for you to act on. He’s probably going to hit you in the face.”

Ilya’s stomach lurches. Shane’s not here to think for him. Shane’s not here to say if it’s okay for him to say the truth or not. They’ve been careful, telling Yuna and David and Svetlana and Scott Hunter and no one directly connected to either of their teams for a reason. But still, Cliff is here. Looking very convinced that Shane will take major offense to being hit on by Ilya.

So Ilya lies. “You’re an idiot. I don’t even –”

“Roz, I swear to God if you try and tell me you don’t like a little dick on the side I’m going to kill you and raise this sweet baby to cheer for Buffalo,” Cliff doesn’t sound like he’s even pretending to be kidding anymore, “I’ve seen you when we go out. You don’t just look at the girls. That’s what the threesomes used to be about, yeah? You liked when couples picked you up?”

“Shut the fuck up,” Ilya snarls, “You don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about.”

“I think I do,” he argues, “And it’s cool, Rozy. I swear. But if you think you can make things work with Shane fucking Hollander, from what, 300 miles apart, even if he is gay – which he’s not – that would be dangerous for you both and stupid.”

Ilya glares at his friend. And then he decides to play the star role of Ilya Rozanov. He plasters on his best chirping-grin, “Well, you know that I have a long history of being fucking stupid.”

Cliff rolls his eyes, “Don’t say I didn’t fucking warn you, brother.”

Ilya feels sick. He’s avoided a crisis, it’s okay if he and Marlow know Ilya likes Shane, Cliff’s been apparently appeased into thinking it’s one sided. But the lie feels more bitter than usual in his mouth. He stands up, “Do you mind if I make a quick phone call? Two minutes, be right back. She will be fine.”

Cliff eyes Yeva a little warily, then nods. 

Ilya flees to the bedroom and prays Shane will answer the fucking phone. He does, “What? I’ve been gone for five minutes, is she doing something cute?”

“No. I mean, yes, she is cute always. Marly thinks I have crush on you like little pathetic school boy,” says Ilya, “He says you are not gay and you live far far away and you will break my heart and maybe my body if I hit on you.”

He hears Shane stop running. “Shit. Uh, what do you want to do?”

“Tell him,” says Ilya honestly, “He has mostly guessed everything.”

Shane’s quiet an agonizingly long time, though Ilya’s just grateful it’s for less than three minutes. “Okay. If you trust him, I’ll try to trust him too. People are already guessing, and maybe we’re not as good at hiding it as we thought. Fuck. Okay. Are you okay? Do you want me to come back?”

“I always want you to come back,” Ilya says honestly. “No, it’s okay, moya lyubov. I will be okay. I love you.”

“I love you too,” Shane says, “I’m gonna kiss you so fucking much when I get home okay? It was killing me not to.”

“Now you are killing me,” complains Ilya, “Bye, Shane.”

Ilya goes back to the living room, “Okay. Yes. I am bisexual. And I really want to fuck Shane Hollander.”

Cliff grins, “Mazel tov! Atta boy, Roz. Look, if things were different, I’d be all for it, you know? He seems like a great guy –”

“He’s perfect,” Ilya agrees. He holds his breath. Cliff had seemed good, only concerned for Ilya’s wellbeing, not disgusted by his sexuality. But this… this doesn’t seem as supportive a reveal, and Ilya wants to leave himself every opportunity to roll back and keep Shane safely out of things. “And he’s not straight, Marly.” 

Cliff’s frown deepens, “But Rose Landry?”

“They broke up,” Ilya says, “Months ago.”

“No, duh, it was everywhere,” Cliff says bitchily, “I just… clearly he likes women.”

Ilya’s jaw drops. First, because Shane does not like women to a hilariously painful degree. And secondly, because hands down Cliff Marlow has had the frontmost seat to Ilya’s sexcapades both in Boston and on the road. “Uh, no.”

Cliff looks confused, “Is he, like, also bisexual then?”

“Shane is gay,” Ilya says slowly, “And I am bi. And we are boyfriends.”

“For how long?”

“For as long as we have been,” snaps Ilya, “What does it matter, Marly?”

“Because he lives in Montreal and you live in Boston and we fucking hate Montreal! You can’t move there!”

Ilya stares at Cliff, “I would not move to Montreal. I have had Yeva here in Boston for what? Less than one week? You are the one being stupid.”

Cliff looks even more angry and confused somehow, “But how can you be boyfriends if you live in two different countries?”

Ilya wrinkles his nose, he’s not used to people caring this much about him and especially not his love life. Not that he’s ever had a love life before Shane. “You are too old to use facetime? Listen, Shane and I are recent boyfriends. Before that, we fucked. Lots. We will be fine.”

“Lots?” Cliff sits up straighter, “How much? Since when?”

“You are a pervert,” Ilya announces, “Worrying I have a crush on Shane Hollander, you are the one with a crush, Marly. Sorry, I am taken.”

For some reason, Yeva picks that moment to listen in on their conversation. She holds up a plastic horse and frowns as she looks around, “Jane?”

Ilya corrects, “Nyet, Shane.”

And of course, because she loves when Svetlana and Shane argue about this, Yeva stamps her foot delightedly and shouts, “JANE! JANE! JJJJJANE!”

Next to Ilya, Cliff chokes, “Jane?”

Ilya ignores Cliff and takes the horse from Yeva, miming galloping across the coffee table, “Sorry, Yevochka, Shane isn’t here,” he hands her the horse back and says in English, “He’ll play horses with you later, hmm?”

Cliff chokes more, “No. Uh-uh. Roz, look me in the eyes right now and tell me that Montreal fucking Jane is not Shane Hollander? And that you did not come back from All Stars, a new man, because you got back together with Shane Hollander.”

Ilya doesn’t say anything, because he knows he took a lot of his anger and shame about Shane rejecting him out on his team. And that he had been different since All Stars weekend, even when his father had died. And that was before Shane had told him he loved him. 

Cliff correctly reads his silence as an admission, “Oh my God. Holy fucking shit, Roz. Your Montreal girl, this whole time? Hollander?”

Ilya nods, not sure if he’s still supposed to be shutting up or not. Cliff collapses back onto the couch, “This is worse than finding out Santa wasn’t real. Oh my fucking God. What the fuck, Roz? I’ve been giving you shit about your mystery girl for years. Oh shit, Jane lives in Montreal, and travels for work and it’s not that serious because it would be bad for your careers – fucking morons all of us. Jane? Shane’s really Jane?”

“Yes,” Ilya says a little haltingly, “It’s not safe for people to know. So I say I have girl in Montreal named Jane. He tells nosy teammates that he has a girl in Boston, Lily.”

“Jane and Lily?” Cliff groans again, “Fuck Roz that’s a nightmare.”

Before Ilya can agree or disagree the door opens. 

Shane. 

Ilya hadn’t really meant that Shane needed to come back early from his run, but he can’t say he’s unhappy to see him. Shane looks between them, searching to see if Cliff’s really in the know and if it’s going over well. Ilya isn’t sure if it’s going over well, but he nods, and Shane lets out a breath of relief, “Thank fucking God.”

And then in six steps, Shane is wearing his shoes in the house and he is kissing Ilya in front of Cliff Marlow.

Chapter 16: Shane: Is how something so small can keep you alive

Shane paces in Ilya’s bathroom. It’s his third night in a row having a panic attack, and Ilya’s finally sleeping after a long day of Yeva clinging to them and crying more than usual. He knows exactly what his problem is. He doesn’t want to go back to Montreal. He doesn’t want to leave Ilya and Yeva. He doesn’t want to lie about this summer or hear that he’s a traitor for being friends with Ilya, let alone the truth.

The misery of that makes it impossible to sleep and at this moment a little hard to breathe. 

It’s fucking late but Shane fumbles for his headphones and calls his mom.

“Shane, honey? You should be sleeping.”

“Mom,” Shane’s voice breaks. “Help.”

“Oh Shane,” she sighs, “I’ve got you. Can you breathe with me?”

It takes a while for him to calm down. “Where’s Ilya?”

“Sleeping,” Shane says, “Yeva was so fucking fussy today and they’re both passed out in our bed and –” He throat tightens again as the words ‘our bed’ slip out. “Fuck.”

“Honey, if you want to come home Ilya will understand –”

The noise Shane makes is less of a laugh and more of a sob, “No, Mom you don’t understand. I don’t want to come home. I don’t want to leave them. I –”

“What do you mean you don’t want to come home?” His mom’s voice is sharp with concern, “Shane you play for the Montreal Metros, you need to be in Montreal.”

“Do I?” Shane hears the horrible not-laugh bubble out of him again like it’s coming from somewhere – someone – else. “Why should Ilya give up the team that drafted him and move to a shitty team? He’s doing great here, Sveta’s here. I mean I can’t come to Boston but I could go to, like – I mean the Admirals probably can’t afford me, maybe the Scouts? Or, like, New Jersey’s got a young enough team, they could make the cap space – fuck I’d move to Buffalo if I had to.”

“Shane as both your mother and your manager, I need you to stop,” she says firmly, “Breathe. Go to bed and in the morning talk to Ilya. Because last time I heard from Ilya, he was looking forward to moving to Ottawa. So maybe let’s breathe and let’s not decide for him that he doesn’t want that. And then, if you’re sure, I can make some enquiries. But Shane? This would be a big move. You love the Metros, sweetheart. You’ve won two Cups there. They drafted you and you always planned to stay there.”

Shane sighs, “Right. I just think… it’s already bad, and they don’t even know I’m gay or that Ilya and I are… how much worse is that going to be if being friends is like this?”

All the manager-energy dissipates and it’s just his mom on the other end of the call, “Sweetheart, you are the best player on the team. In the league. You march in there and you remind them that and the rest of it doesn’t matter, okay? And if they don’t respect you, then you can remind them that they missed the playoffs this year without you for the first time since your rookie season. You rebuilt this team, you’re their captain, and they can accept you as you are or you can go rebuild another team and another team can win the Cup.”

“Thanks, Mom,” Shane says, and he means it. “Sorry if I freaked you out –”

“You don’t have to apologize,” she says quickly, “Shane, baby, I’m your mother. I want to help you. I’m worried that you’re so stressed about the team, but oh my God, Shane, you don’t know how happy I am that you’re talking to me. All these years, it was like you just… turned yourself off when we asked too much. You had a big secret and you couldn’t tell us anything and I just wanted to know what was going on with you. So please, honey, you can always call, alright? Even if you move to Buffalo, I’m not going to be mad. I just want you to be happy.”

Shane wipes a few traitorous tears from his face, “Okay.”

She adds, “And you should call Hayden. He’s worried about you, and you don’t need to tell him everything, but he’s your best friend. He wants to help you too. He misses you.”

Fuck, yeah, Shane’s still got a lot of explaining to do to Hayden. “Yeah, uh, I’ll talk to him soon. I think when I get back I have to tell him. Maybe not everything, but some of it. It was hard enough keeping it from him before. He’s going to notice I’m halfway out the door to Boston at every opportunity.”

“Worry about that tomorrow,” she advises, “Try to get some sleep, sweetheart.” 

Shane hangs up, turns off the bathroom light before he opens the door, and climbs back into bed with Ilya and Yeva. Yeva makes a fussing sound but doesn’t wake up. Shane wishes she had slept in her own room, because he really wants to curl up close against Ilya. But he settles her between them, smoothing her hair from her face carefully. 

Shane is jolted awake when it’s still dark. He has about three seconds from the time he’s woken up until he’s flipping Yeva over him so that when she throws up, vomit hits the floor and not their bed, “Oh shit!”

Ilya sits up and flicks on the light, “What is happening?”

Yeva throws up again, still in Shane’s arms, and then starts sobbing, and Shane can’t make out the Russian words distorted by crying. He holds her against his chest, “Sh, okay. I know, you feel bad, and that scared you. It’s okay, Yevochka, I’ve got you.”

Ilya kneels on the bed, surveying the damage. He says something Shane doesn’t understand but it sounds comforting, the words all lilting up at the end softly. 

Ilya gets up and starts cleaning up. Shane takes Yeva to the bathroom to clean her up better. She clings to him, “Jaaaaannnneee.”

Shane’s not sure if he should blame Ilya or Sveta for that. Sometimes the sh sound and j sound just came out a bit similar when they talked, but sometimes Svetlana definitely called him Jane to tease him or Ilya. Yeva had picked it up along the way, probably because it was close enough to Shane that she couldn’t tell the difference. Shane kind of loves it.

Shane gives her some water, then strips her from her little onesie and into a new one Ilya brings a few minutes later. He brushes Yeva’s teeth again, just in time for her to throw up again. 

They lose time, the night is a consistent cycle of Yeva throwing up and crying, clinging first to Shane, then to Ilya, then back on Shane again until the sun crests somewhere outside. 

Shane’s played playoff series and been less exhausted and helpless than he does currently. Nothing seems to help Yeva feel better, and he finds himself laying on the couch with Yeva draped across his chest. Shane’s pretty sure Ilya’s unconscious either on their bed or Yeva’s, but he can’t remember which.

Yeva’s face is tucked against his neck and he can tell she’s got a fever. He doesn’t know what to do anymore. His phone informs him that it’s nearly 6am, and that this could be nothing or a very long list of horrific things that make his breath come too fast. He’s willing to take a risk at this point and he reaches out to the person he knows will be able to help him.

“Shane?”

“Help,” Shane says for the second time tonight, “Please Jackie.”

Jackie Pike gets right to business, “Shane? Are you okay? What’s wrong, do you want me to wake up Hayden?”

“No, I need you,” Shane begs, “Please, Ilya’s – Rozanov’s – niece, she’s sick. We’re all exhausted, she’s got a fever, she won’t stop throwing up, I don’t know what to do.”

“Oh Shane,” Jackie’s voice is soft, fond, “Okay. Is she awake?”

Shane peeks at the child on his chest, “Mmm, mostly sleeping. When she’s awake, mostly she cries. And fuck, Jackie, I know like twelve Russian phrases and she knows like a handful of English words, Ilya’s exhausted, but I don’t know what she wants or what hurts.”

“Shh,” Jackie soothes, “First, breathe, cause your stress is going to stress her out. What’s currently happening?”

“Uh I’m lying on the couch,” Shane says, “She’s lying on me. We’re waiting for her to throw up again, shit one sec –” Shane throws the phone aside to grab the garbage can next to the couch and hold it up to Yeva’s face. 

She falls back on his chest with a pitiful whimper, “Jane.”

Shane rubs her back in what he hopes is a soothing matter and picks up his phone, “She just threw up again.”

“I got that,” Jackie says, “How long has she been throwing up?”

Shane tries to remember, “I dunno, a few hours? She was super fussy yesterday, she fell asleep with Ilya in our bed and I was talking to my mom pretty late, I don’t think I was asleep too long before she – oh fuck.” Too late, Shane realizes he’s said something he shouldn’t have. The exact same slip up he’d made earlier with his mom. “Jackie, fuck. I didn’t mean – we’re not – I’m not –”

“Shane, if you're going to have a panic attack, please put down the baby,” Jackie’s voice is firm but not unkind or disgusted, “Just breathe. It’s okay. Everything is okay.”

“No it’s not,” snaps Shane, “Oh my god, this is never going to work. I was so scared someone was going to find out, and then I thought ‘oh well, the Russian government handed Ilya a baby, we should tell my parents’, and now every time I turn around someone else is finding out about us, and holy shit, please do not tell Hayden.”

“Shane, babe, seriously I need you to breathe,” Jackie sounds more stern this time, “I’m not going to tell Hayden shit, but I need you to focus and listen to me, okay?”

Shane does his best, honestly, “Okay. I’m – I’m okay.”

He hears Jackie shutting a door on her end of the line, “Okay, you don’t have to tell me anything else about – about Ilya. But if you want to, you can and I won’t tell Hayd until you’re ready. But first, do you have a thermometer?”

Shane eases them off the couch and brings Yeva into Ilya’s bathroom. Ilya’s not on the bed so he must be in Yeva’s. He finds the thermometer in the medicine cabinet and coaxes Yeva to hold it in her mouth.

Jackie sounds amused, “You sound pretty good with her, I know some kids in Montreal who are missing their Uncle Shane.”

Shane suddenly remembers why Jackie is talking him through this at the ass crack of dawn, “Aw shit, Jackie, I’m so sorry. How are you feeling? How’s the baby? Are the other kids adjusting okay?”

“Oh we’re all good here,” says Jackie, “It’s nice having Hayden around this time, though honestly, with the off season and you in Boston, I think we’re both going a little crazy.”

The thermometer beeps, “Uh, 101.1, that’s bad, right?”

“It’s not an emergency,” says Jackie, “Try to keep her hydrated, just little sips. She probably just has a virus or something. If Ilya can find out more how she feels, great, but with little kids you kinda just have to guess. She’s not screaming in pain, so that’s good. And if she’s throwing up for more than 24 hours then she needs to go to emergency. Or if she’s really lethargic. I’ll text you and check in, okay?”

“Okay,” Shane agrees, relieved to have any kind of a plan, “Thank you.”

He hears another door close, “Okay, well, I’m going to be breastfeeding for the next twenty minutes, which everyone knows means only come in the nursery if something’s on fire or someone’s actively bleeding, so if you wanted to tell me anything, now would be a good time.”

Shane takes Yeva to Ilya’s bed and they lie down together. He switches the phone to his other ear, “Okay. Uh, I’m in love. With Ilya Rozanov.”

“And you’re raising his niece with him like the world’s cutest family,” says Jackie, “I saw the pic on his instagram. Hayden’s confused as hell about how you would even be friends, what you’d have in common.”

Shane snorts, “Well, it started with a secret we both knew about each other, and then things spiraled.”

Jackie laughs, “Is he good to you? I just know him from hockey, he seems like a womanizing jerk.”

“He’s so good,” says Shane honestly. This isn’t like with Svetlana or his parents or Cliff or even Scott Hunter. This is the first time Shane’s telling one of his friends, “I tried so hard not to love him and I just… I love him so much. He’s really smart, and funny. He’s kind of an asshole, but like never in a way that’s actually mean?”

Jackie asks, “And he’s, like, really good in bed, right?”

Shane’s face feels hot, “So fucking good. Always.”

“I bet,” says Jackie, “Oh my god, when you’ve just tried to kill each other on the ice? It’s like makeup sex every time, huh?”

Shane hadn’t thought of it that way before, “Uh, I guess, kinda. It’s hot.”

“This is exactly what I wanted for you, Shane,” says Jackie, and Shane’s eyes sting. “I was always worried you were lonely.”

“I was lonely,” says Shane, “I am lonely. I just… not telling Hayden has been killing me. He just keeps asking me and I just want to tell him.” He takes a long breath out, “I’ll tell him now, obviously. I was planning to when I got back. He’ll notice if I keep running to Boston and getting photographed with Ilya. And I hate asking you to keep something from him”

“Yeah even my husband can only stay in denial so long,” says Jackie, “But you don’t have to rush anything, okay? This is going to be a big deal if it comes out, and it’s your story to share when you’re ready.”

“We’ve got a plan,” says Shane, “We’re working on it.”

“Good,” she says, “Is she asleep now?”

Shane checks, “I think so, yeah.”

“You should try to sleep too if you can,” she advises, “I’ll text you in a bit to check in. Call me if you need any more second opinions, okay? I’ve got loads of experience to share.”

“Thank you,” says Shane gratefully, “Bye.”

Shane hangs up and does not sleep like he should. He goes next door. Ilya’s laying on his back, his head on Yeva’s pillow, his knees hanging off the end of the bed. Shane touches Ilya’s shoulder and he sits up, “I am awake!”

“Bullshit,” says Shane, pushing Ilya against the headboard so he can climb into his arms. They must look ridiculous, two huge hockey players in a little girl’s bed.

Ilya accepts him eagerly, “How’s she doing? Are you okay?”

“She’s sleeping, for now,” says Shane, “She’s really going through it. I am…” Shane chokes a bit, “I’ve been better.”

Ilya holds him closer, “Sorry I fell asleep, you should’ve woken me up sooner. It is not fair for you to do all the work.”

“It’s not that,” says Shane, “Well, a little that. I, uh, I made a mistake. A stupid one. We’re all tired. I wasn’t thinking. I just… I called Hayden’s wife, Jackie. They have four kids, I thought…”

“You thought she might help,” said Ilya.

“Yeah,” says Shane, “And she did, kinda. But I was, I don’t know, rambling a bit, freaking out. And I just… she knows. About us.”

Ilya kisses his neck, his shoulder, wherever he can reach without moving them, “Are you okay?”

Shane sighs, leaning into Ilya more, “Yeah, I mean I feel kinda shitty asking her to keep it from Hayden, but I was thinking I might need to tell him when I get to Montreal. He’s my best friend and I’m not a great liar, and I’m pretty sure I’m going to be miserable without you and Yeva.”

Shane can feel Ilya’s lips curve up against the skin of his neck, “Aw, you will miss us?”

“Of course I’ll miss you,” says Shane, pulling back slightly, “I missed you cause you were sleeping in the next room, I don’t know what the fuck I’m gonna do in Montreal, or on the road.”

He climbs off of Ilya, pulling him up also, “Come to bed before she wakes up again.”

They fall into the bed, and Ilya drapes himself against Shane’s back, both of them watching Yeva sleep beside Shane. Her cheeks are flushed and her hair is sticky from fever. When he gets up they’ll give her a bath, that’ll help her feel better. But right now all he wants to do is sleep.

Chapter 17: We used to wait

Eyes on Shane @metroswatch

SPOTTED: Shane Hollander seen downtown Boston with new bestie Boston Raiders Captain Ilya Rozanov and NY Admirals Captain Scott Hunter and his boyfriend.

[kind of grainy image of Scott and Kip holding hands on the street, waiting as Shane and Ilya come out of the restaurant they just ate at]

Shane Stan @HollanderHatTrick replying to @metroswatch

Okay I don’t want to be associated with h*llanov stans in ANY way… but come on we all think this looks like a double date, right??

Ilya’s Raiders @raidmerozanov

This has really been the CRAZIEST summer on hockeytwt because what do you MEAN Rozanov and Hollander fans are being forced to join forces because our stupid hockey men suddenly are BFFs after YEARS of being rivals??

Mrs Shane Hollander @ShanesFreckles

Okay I KNEW Shane was good cause he’s a sweetie but he never said ANYTHING about Hunter coming out, and then Roz is Russian so I figured he either COULDN’T say anything or didn’t WANT to, but look at them hanging out!!! Those are the kind of allies who beat up homophobes for you and bring you a smoothie after

Ilya’s Raiders @raidmerozanov

I don’t think people get how crazy it is that Roz is being papped with Scott Hunter. There were rumors that he went to that gay club after the MLH Awards but there were NO pics. It is ILLEGAL in Russia to promote queerness and he’s hanging out with the ONLY gay man in the MLH

Benji G @hollanovangels replying to @raidmerozanov

Bold of you to assume Scott’s the only one when he’s CLEARLY ON A DOUBLE DATE with Shane and Ilya

Ilya’s Raiders @raidmerozanov replying to @hollanovangels

Aren’t we tired of this yet? Let the man be a decent human and let him rest

Benji G @hollanovangels replying to @raidmerozanov

Rest in the arms of his lover, Shane Hollander, Captain of the Montreal Metros

Eyes on Shane @metroswatch

SPOTTED: Shane Hollander seen at BOS boarding a flight to YUL, Ilya Rozanov seen hugging him goodbye but not boarding a flight

[image: Shane Hollander and Ilya Rozanov embracing outside the Boston airport in the early morning]

[image: Shane Hollander wearing a baseball cap, holding tightly to a toddler, Ilya Rozanov reaching to take her from him]

[image: Ilya and Shane standing each holding the hand of a toddler on very small ice skates and wearing a giant pink helmet with a full face cage, on the ice at what seems to be TD Garden, her skates are barely touching the ice because Shane and Ilya are both so tall]

[image: Shane and Ilya laughing playing a video game together, Shane is mid-shoving Ilya]

[image: Shane, Ilya, and Svetlana toasting at Ilya’s kitchen counter with a ginger ale, a shot of vodka, and a glass of wine respectively]

[image: Ilya shirtless asleep on the couch with his niece on his chest, her face turned away from the camera, Shane peeking over the arm of the couch grinning]

@ShaneHollanderHockeyPlayer☑️: underneath the chirping and our deep rooted competitive need to beat each other at EVERYTHING, @ilyarozanov☑️ and I came up together in this league and the rivalry between us has also meant having a front row seat to each other’s lives and careers. The relationship that came out of that has been one of the most interesting of my life. 

Hands down the most fun summer I have ever had, watching Ilya be absolutely helpless against a toddler. Though clearly she’s going to be outskating us both in no time. 

As we’ve said almost every year we’ve played against each other: see you next season!

@ilyarozanov☑️: see you next season, but please tell the truth: you also can’t say no to her

@ShaneHollanderHockeyPlayer☑️: no comment

@realkipgrady: precious girl!

@CliffMarlow☑️: see you in Montreal Hollzy!

@jackie.pike:  Metros FOREVER and we missed you, but it’s sweet to see you having a little fun with your Boston friends, welcome home!

@ShaneHollanderHockeyPlayer☑️: missed you too, thank you!

@RoseLandry☑️: I can’t believe I missed the whole summer! We’re getting together next time you play in LA!

Shane Stan @HollanderHatTrick 

HOLLANDER BREAKS HIS SILENCE ON THE ROZANOV AFFAIR – wait what? Did he just accuse the MLH of basically FORCING him and Rozanov to be enemies?

Rosie @rosienov replying to HollanderHatTrick 

Typical Hollander fan, reading into ABSOLUTELY nothing. He just said the rivalry means they see each other a lot and became friends and he had a nice summer. Like okay we get it your little hockey man is PERFECT and everyone else must be EVIL, give yourself a break

Hollandry Updates @hollandry4eva

Idk how they’re even broken up when this is what Rose is commenting on Shane’s instagram posts

[image: Rose’s instagram comment on Shane’s post]

Boston Tea @RaidersNews

Rozanov has arrived at the first unofficial practice of the season

Rinkside Receipts @rinksidereceipts

Shane Hollander on his newfound friendship with career rival Boston’s Ilya Rozanov heading into their first preseason matchup against each other: “We can’t bet on the games, but the loser buys drinks and I think I might forget my wallet tonight.”

Mrs Shane Hollander @ShanesFreckles replying to @rinksidereceipts

That’s such a Roz answer, I think they’re rubbing off on one another! 

Mayor of Hollanov @CaptainHollyRoz replying to @rinksidereceipts and @ShanesFreckles

Yep. Rubbing off. For sure.

Pikelander Stan @HaydenHollyBesties quoting @HaydenHollyBesties

Are they in a fight? What is happening? Why is their vibe Like That???

Chapter 18: Shane: We used to waste hours just walking around

Shane makes it to the end of their first regular season game before he can’t take it anymore. “Hey, Hayd, can you come over for a bit?”

Hayden looks surprised by the invite but checks that Jackie’s good with the kids for a bit longer before he confirms. Shane calls Ilya on the way home, “Moya lyubov, are you missing us already?”

“Already?” Shane groans, “It’s been forever! How’s Yevochka? Does she even remember me?”

It’s Ilya’s turn to sound incredulous, “Remember you? Every night she is wanting Jane to read to her. ‘Dyadya you don’t say the words right, Jane does it better’.”

Shane’s heart hurts, “She doesn’t say that does she?”

“She does,” Ilya confirms, “Do not worry, tonight we are both at our homes, is safe to call and give her goodnight story on facetime, yes?”

“Please,” Shane agrees, “Uh, today’s the day. With Hayden. If you’re still okay with that?”

“Shane, I do not care what fifteenth best Metro thinks of me,” says Ilya.

“Fuck off,” Shane says with a grin, “Hayd’s our third best player on his worst day. You’re such an asshole.”

“Two dollars in the swear jar,” says Ilya delightedly, “At this rate, I do not need to be a big name hockey player to send Yevochka to college. Nice college, Harvard maybe, because Jane cannot keep his pretty mouth from saying very ugly words.”

Shane sighs, “I wish my pretty mouth had something better to do…”

Ilya takes the bait, “Tonight, you read Yevochka bedtime stories, and then maybe you tell me a story? One where famous hockey player boyfriend lets his more famous better hockey player boyfriend watch him touch himself –”

“If you shut up right now I’ll even wear my glasses you freak.” Shane can barely claim that he’s not gasping at the picture Ilya’s painting for them. 

“Deal,” crows Ilya proudly. His voice goes soft then, accent blurring some of the edges and sharpening others in a way that makes Shane feel butterflies, “You will be okay with Pike? Safe?”

“I’ll be okay,” says Shane, “I’ll be safe.” He pulls up to his place in Brossard, “I’m here, I have to go. Ya tebya lyublyu.”

“I love you,” Ilya returns before ending the call.

Shane sees a text from Jackie good luck, let me know if you need me to yell at my husband

Shane drags himself in and waits. It doesn’t take long for Hayden to knock. Shane lets him in, “Hey.”

Hayden crosses his arms over his chest, “Are you going to tell me why you’re being so fucking weird lately?”

Shane sighs, “Yeah. I am. What do you want to drink?”

Hayden stops looking so pissy, more curious, “What do you have?”

“Uh, water and ginger ale,” says Shane, because he’s always got those. “Uh, I might have a beer or two left? And uh, this?” Shane holds up Ilya’s vodka. The expensive one that Shane’s definitely going to have to replace before Ilya is here next if Hayden drinks it.

Hayden raises an eyebrow and takes the beer. “If I hadn’t just watched you slaughter the Guardians I’d be seriously worried you were sick or something. You’ve been fucking weird since Marlow laid you out, did your brain get scrambled or something? And you didn’t want to tell us?”

“Fuck off,” says Shane, “You’re weird. Sit down.”

Hayden does, perching on Shane’s couch expectantly. Somehow that makes it worse, looking down at Hayden’s earnestly concerned face. But this is Hayden. He can trust Hayden. He trusts Hayden a hell of a lot more than he trusts Cliff Marlow and Cliff’s kept his mouth shut, and even been nice to Shane. 

“Okay, so like, you’re probably going to be really fucking mad,” says Shane, “But I swear to God Hayden if you tell anyone what I’m about to tell you, I will pay for Jackie to divorce you and ruin your life.”

“Jesus Christ, dude, take it down like twelve notches,” says Hayden, “I’m your best friend, I’m not going to share your secrets with anyone. I won’t even tell Jackie if you don’t want me to.”

“You can tell her,” says Shane, “Er, well, she knows already.”

Hayden chokes on his beer, “What? She knows? What the hell dude?”

Shane runs a hand through his hair. He should be getting better at this, not worse. “Sorry. Uh, yeah. Look, Hayden, I’m kinda… gay?”

Hayden freezes, “You’re gay? But… Rose?”

“Was me figuring out I was definitely gay,” says Shane, “Or, well, she told me I was.”

“No wonder you didn’t take the breakup too hard,” Hayden groans, “Oh my god, so you’re not with Rozanov’s friend?” After a beat he asks, “Wait, wait, is Boston Lily a dude? That’s why you won’t tell anyone about her or lock her down or introduce her to the WAGs?”

“Uh, yeah,” says Shane, “It’s partly that.”

Hayden narrows his eyes, “Shane, Holzy, why would I be mad at you about that? I know the MLH is, like, really new to the whole gay thing, but you know me, I’m cool. And I love you, dude.”

Shane does his best to smile but he’s pretty sure it’s more of a grimace, “I know. Thanks. Uh, it’s not just that Lily’s a man. It’s that he’s… fuck, Hayden, you’re gonna lose your shit.”

Hayden looks stressed by Shane’s stress. That’s a good friend. “Dude, whoever it is, if you like him, I’ll like him, right? Is it one of Rose’s actor friends or something?”

“No,” Shane says, “And, uh, I’m gonna hold you to that liking him thing, cause you won’t. It’s, uh Rozanov. Boston Lily is Ilya Rozanov.”

Hayden goes so pale that for a second Shane’s a little worried Hayden might pass out. He reaches to take the open beer, but Hayden snatches it out of his reach and downs the rest of it. He stares at Shane, and Shane swallows hard, the stinging sensation of tears welling drives him to turn away. “If you need to go, it’s okay.”

Hayden’s voice is a little strangled, “What? Go? Buddy, I’m not fucking going. Shit, Shane, turn the fuck around and look at me. You’re serious, you’re not joking?”

Shane turns around, not daring to look Hayden in the face, “No. Uh, I’m in love with him.”

Hayden sinks back in the couch, “Holy shit. And Lily’s not like… code for whoever you happen to be with, right? It’s been him the whole time?”

“The whole time,” says Shane, “Uh, we weren’t… exclusive or anything until after Rose. After the season, really. And then, like, Yeva happened, and now, like, fuck, I don’t know how you leave Jackie and the kids, Hayd. She’s not even my kid and I miss her so much.”

“Oh my God,” Hayden says, “That’s why Jackie knows. Because you are a fucking dad and you overthink everything and that’s what we do. Holy shit, you have a kid with Ilya fucking Rozanov.” He stands up, pacing frantically in Shane’s living room, “Do other people know about this? What the fuck dude?”

“Uh, kind of,” says Shane, “Jackie, obviously. My parents. Ilya’s friend Svetlana, Cliff Marlow, and Scott Hunter and his boyfriend.”

Hayden twists around, “So you were on a double date with Scott Hunter and his boyfriend!”

“It’s not like I have any other gay friends,” says Shane. 

Hayden frowns, “Wait, wait. But Rozanov is not gay.”

“I told you we weren’t exclusive before,” says Shane, “Ilya’s bi.”

Hayden pinches the bridge of his nose, “So, like, you don’t hate him?”

“No,” says Shane, “I know everyone thinks that, but I never hated him.”

“What the hell are you going to do?” Hayden sounds like such a dad, “Do you have a plan? He lives in Boston! The league is going to say you’re throwing games or rigging them or something.”

“You know we’re not,” snapped Shane, “I’d never. And we have a plan, but I can’t tell you, okay? If anyone thinks anyone did any tampering with any trades that may or may not happen, we’re even more fucked.”

Hayden goes pale again, “You’re not going to leave Montreal, are you?”

“No,” says Shane, “I have a contract and a no-trade clause. And I love playing for the Metros.” And that’s true. Now that Shane’s back and the season has started, Shane’s remembering that. He is a career player in Montreal and he does still plan to retire here. 

Hayden looks even more confused, “So what the fuck are you going to do, Shane? You and – and –”

“This would be way less shitty for me if you could stand to say his name,” snaps Shane a little more harshly than he means to. “Fuck, this is why we weren’t telling people.”

Shane sees Hayden feels bad. “Whoa, no, hey. I’m sorry, okay? Shane, I need like a minute to adjust my entire frame of fucking reference for Ilya goddamn Rozanov, because this morning when I woke up I thought you were like sort of weirdly recently friends.”

Shane’s phone rings in his pocket. He takes it out. Facetime request: Lily. 

Hayden stares at it too, then makes some aborted hand gesture, “Go on. Answer it. I know now, it’s safe.”

And somehow that’s the first right thing that Hayden’s said. Shane answers the phone, “Ilya, I said we’d talk tonight.”

“I am just checking that you are okay,” says Ilya, “Is Pike still with you? Did he cry?”

“Don’t be a dick,” says Shane, and then in a trick he’s learned from Cliff Marlow he says quickly, “Five bucks in the swear jar, I get three more. Stop being a fucking asshole. One for later.”

Ilya laughs delightedly, “Okay. Wait, come here, devochka.”

Shane waits for a beat. He hears Ilya talking in Russian, he can’t catch all the words, though he recognizes that Ilya is trying to explain the concept of a video chat to a two year old. He calls from this side of the screen, “Yevochka, hi pretty girl.”

He gets the top of her head, before Ilya repositions the phone. Her eyes light up as she finally recognizes him, “Jane!” She frowns suddenly at the phone, then to her left, where Shane guesses Ilya is, “Where Jane?”

“Montreal,” says Ilya, “Pomnish', my ob etom govorili?”

Yeva gives the phone a dubious look, “Jane come back?”

“Soon,” Shane promises, “Next month, uh… shestnadtsat' nochey. Sixteen sleeps.” Shane’s not sure Yeva understands how long that is. “And when – when Dyadya plays in Montreal three weeks after that, Tetya Sveta will bring you, right? And you’ll see my house here. Stay with Jane?”

Yeva’s eyes have started to wander, “Jane come home?”

Shane’s heart breaks, “Not tonight. Um, draw me something pretty? Okay? Ilya, let her down, she’s done, it’s okay.”

“Prosti, moya lyubov,” Ilya sounds horribly guilty, “I did not mean to make you sad. She is very young, does not understand.”

“I know,” says Shane, “Sveta will bring her, right?”

“Yes,” says Ilya, “She’ll bring her to Ottawa too, if you want? Next day?”

Shane’s got a day off the next day, “Yes. Please, if she doesn’t mind.”

Ilya grins, “Okay, I will ask. Go be with Pike now, moya lyubov. His brain is probably exploding. I will call you tonight when she is ready for stories, da? We will try again then.”

“Okay,” says Shane, “Later then. I love you.”

“I love you too,” says Ilya before ending the call. 

Shane puts his phone away and finds Hayden staring at him. Shane’s tired, “What?”

“No,” says Hayden quickly, “You’ve just… you’re in love. With Rozanov. With that little girl. Shane Hollander’s off the market. Not that you were ever on the market, I guess.”

“You can just… stop,” says Shane, “Seriously. We can not talk about it anymore. Ever, actually.”

“Sorry for needing three fucking minutes to process,” snarks Hayden, “Don’t be an asshole, we’re going to talk about it. But enough for one day, yeah. I know we kicked their asses but I’m exhausted after Toronto, Dallas Kent’s a motherfucking asshole.” Hayden cracks an eye open, “Did you really implement a swear jar?”

Chapter 19: All those wasted lives in the wilderness downtown

Rinkside Receipts @rinksidereceipts

Cute but confusing? Shane Hollander’s parents spotted at tonight’s Boston vs. Montreal game sporting Hollander jerseys, but seemingly caring for Rozanov’s kid, who was repping Rozanov gear?

Mayor of Hollanov @CaptainHollyRoz replying to @rinksidereceipts

This is the most adorable form of confirmation I’ve ever gotten

Shane Stan @HollanderHatTrick replying to @CaptainHollyRoz

Confirmation of what? We know Hollzy is close with his parents and has been helping Roz with his kid, they’re probably doing Roz a favor?

Meg @metrossexualmeg

OMG I’m at McDonald’s by the Common and Hollander, Rozanov, THE BABY GIRL, Pike, Marlow, and St. Simon just showed up. Babygirl is hanging off of Hollander like her life depends on it, Marlow and St. Simon are DEFINITELY hungover, and Pike and Roz are staring at each other like they owe each other Big Money. 

Meg @metrossexualmeg replying to @metrossexualmeg

Update: Hollzy just called Marlow an asshole and handed him the baby and came back with 2 McGriddles and gave one to Roz. Roz might also be hungover, this is his 3rd or 4th McGriddle

Meg @metrossexualmeg replying to @metrossexualmeg

Update: someone must have a flight or practice cause Holz and Roz showed up together with the kiddo but Roz and babygirl are leaving with Marlow and St. Simon and Pike and Holz left together already

[image: Shane and Ilya covered in cake, on either side of a cake-covered baby, her face obscured with a flower emoji]

@YunaHollander: great weekend celebrating Babygirl’s 3rd birthday

@ShaneHollanderHockeyPlayer☑️: thanks for remembering to get pictures! Send me this one!

@ilyarozanov☑️: That’s my girl! She says thank you for her gift! 

Benji G @hollanovangels 

Everyone calling me crazy for years and now SHANE HOLLANDER’S MOTHER is posting about Ilya Rozanov’s kid like this?? If they AREN’T in love, something WAY WEIRDER is happening

[image: screenshot of Yuna’s instagram post]

Shane Stan @HollanderHatTrick replying to @hollanovangels

You know what, I’m gonna give this one to you dude

MLH News @MLHUpdates

WATCH: Captains Shane Hollander and Ilya Rozanov exchange friendly embrace on the ice following brutal 7-game series in round 1 of the playoffs, Rozanov wishes Hollander “so-so luck” as Montreal moves on to round 2

MLH News @MLHUpdates

Shocking move from Rozanov as just days after the UFA deadline he announces move from the Boston Raiders to the Ottawa Centaurs. Rozanov says he is “ready for a change” and he is “grateful for [his] time in Boston”

Ilya’s Raiders @raidmerozanov replying to @MLHUpdates

Someone say sike right now

Rosie @rosienov replying to @MLHUpdates

This can’t be real. WHY??? OTTAWA???

Boston Tea @RaidersNews

No one talk to me ever again

Ottawa Centaurs @OttawaCentaurs☑️

Oh Captain, my Captain! Welcome to the Centaurs family: Ilya Rozanov

Eyes on Shane @metroswatch

SPOTTED: Shane Hollander spotted at the Ottawa airport picking up Ilya Rozanov and babygirl

Shane Stan @HollanderHatTrick replying to @metroswatch

SURELY someone from the Centaurs could’ve done that? Or, like, the owners could send a car? SHANE HOLLANDER driving two hours to pick up Roz from the airport is crazy work

Benji G @hollanovangels replying to @HollanderHatTrick and @metroswatch

I don’t even need to say anything at this point

[video: Shane Hollander and Ilya Rozanov doing a joint press conference announcing that they’re starting a charity together to support mental health initiatives]

@ilyarozanov☑️ and @ShaneHollanderHockeyPlayer☑️ and @IrinaFoundation☑️: thank you everyone for the work that’s gone into making this happen and to all the support we’ve received so far – Shane and Ilya

Chapter 20: Ilya: Ooh, we used to wait

Ilya puts on his silliest voice as he comes in from outside, “Yevochka!”

He doesn’t get a response. What he finds waiting for him on the couch melts his heart. Yeva is buried between the couch and Shane’s chest. Shane is reading his book, some hockey history, and he is explaining it to her. Yeva is at rapt attention, hanging on every word. 

Ilya snaps a picture before either of them can notice. “Devochka, your bag will not pack itself.”

Shane looks up, “No, Ilya, five more minutes.”

Ilya grins, “Do you hear this, Yevochka? Shane Hollander is procrastinating. Come on, we must go early in the morning, up now.”

Yeva flops back and stretches her little arms and legs out across Shane’s body. “Nooo.”

Shane’s arms lock around her middle, “She’s mine now, you can’t take her back.”

Ilya doesn’t want to. They’ve had a perfect summer. One week together in Montreal running a hockey camp for kids. Another week in Ottawa doing the same. The rest of the summer has been spent at the cottage.

But summer’s ending. 

Ilya dives in to extricate the three year old from Shane’s arms, “Come here, moy malen'kiy zhuk.” He leans down and kisses Shane, and Shane lets Yeva go. Ilya snatches her up and deposits her on the floor. Shane groans as Ilya pulls him up too. “Okay, okay, fine, we will not pack right this second. Come outside.”

Shane wraps his arms around Ilya’s waist, “It’s dark out.”

“I will keep you safe,” says Ilya, and he reaches down to scoop up Yeva. “Come on.”

Shane gets to the back door before he sees it, “Ilya…”

Ilya opens the back door, “Come on, Hollander, let me have my moment.”

He can see as they step outside that Shane’s eyes are welling up with tears. Ilya herds them down to the dock, where the candles are waiting. He sets Yeva down with Shane and steps a little further onto the dock. Shane’s crying now. 

Ilya gets down on one knee, “Shane Hollander –”

“Yes.”

Ilya gives Shane an annoyed look as he holds out the ring and tries again, “Shane Hollander, will you marry me?”

Shane nods, “Yes. Ilya, yes.” Ilya’s expecting a kiss, or for Shane to take the ring, but instead Shane starts frantically patting down his pockets. 

Ilya’s glad he’s still kneeling because he feels frighteningly dizzy when Shane pulls a box from his sweatpants’ pocket. 

Shane flips the box open, revealing a ring, “Ilya. Ty vyydesh' za menya?” 

Shane’s pronunciation is improving but it’s still not amazing. Ilya doesn’t care, every time Shane speaks Russian to them his heart stutters a little. And for him to have learned and practiced this phrase… “Shane –”

Ilya’s crying as Shane reaches to haul him up. They crash into one another, holding tight. Ilya feels Yeva’s little head wedge against their thighs as she tries to squeeze herself between them. On her second attempt, Shane laughs wetly against Ilya’s neck and then pulls back slightly to lift her up. Ilya crushes them both against his body, “I love you so much, Shane.”

“I love you,” Shane breathes.

“Ty menya razdavlivayesh.” Ilya laughs and lets go so Yeva can save herself from being squished. She giggles and runs back up towards the house.

Ilya stares at Shane for a long moment, then offers him the ring again. Shane takes it, exchanging it for the one he’s holding. 

Ilya puts the ring on. Shane’s picked a very practical ring. A black band with a gold interior. “Do we wear them now? Or when we’re married?”

“I don’t actually know,” says Shane, inspecting his own band. It’s gold, classic, Ilya agonized over it. He slides his on, “For now, I’ll wear mine.”

Ilya slides his on too. For a second he thinks it will be too small, but then it slides on like it’s always been there. Shane stares at their hands, “You could wear it on your chain. I could get one too. When we’re playing. Or we – we’re somewhere we can’t wear them yet.”

Ilya sighs. Shane’s probably right. It’s getting harder and harder to pretend that he’s not deliriously in love. But it’s still too soon. 

So he nods, kisses Shane again, “Yes, moya lyubov. We should get you a chain.” He rests his head against Shane’s, unable to keep from smiling for too long. “It is our last night here. When were you planning to ask me?”

“After Yeva went to bed,” says Shane, “I should’ve known you’d beat me to it.”

They kiss again, and Ilya almost wishes he’d waited for Yeva to go to bed. Almost. 

“Shane.”

“I know.” Shane says softly, “I know.”

And then Shane pulls away and starts blowing out candles. He laughs after the tenth one, “I was wondering where you’d disappeared to. It must have taken you a while to light all of these.”

Ilya picks up a candle of his own, “Was worth it. For you, it is always worth it.”

Chapter 21: Shane: Sometimes it never came (Ooh, we used to wait)

Chapter Notes

I'm fucking with the timeline here so that Wyatt, Troy, and Luca can be in Ottawa during Ilya's first season here. Because I enjoy them and I'd be sad if they weren't included.

Shane’s legs feel like jell-o as he trudges through the Centaurs arena. But he’s a man on a mission. “Jane!”

Shane opens his arms as Yeva comes flying through the crowd, picking her up and holding her tight. She smells like grease and popcorn and sugar. Shane kisses her cheek, “I told you not to give her a bunch of junk food.”

“Well Ilya said to give her what she wants,” his mother sniffs.

Shane can see other people snapping pictures on their way out of the arena. He motions for them to move further into the depths. “Thank you for watching her. Ilya’s on media tonight but he shouldn’t be so long.”

Hayden comes around the corner, “Hey! Mr. and Mrs. Hollander! Yeva.”

Shane raises an eyebrow at Hayden, they’d already said their goodbyes in the locker room. Hayden pulls him aside a few feet, “Dude, the locker room talk after you left got… bad.”

Shane’s stomach sinks, “How bad?”

“Bad,” says Hayden darkly, “I don’t know what to say when it’s like that that won’t… make things worse. Or confirm anything.”

“Thanks for telling me.” says Shane softly, “I’ll… figure out what I want to do and let you know, okay? Thanks.”

Hayden shrugs, “Okay. Bye. Bye, Yeva.”

“Bye!” She clings to Shane’s leg until he lifts her back into his arms.

“Hollander!”

Shane turns to see a few of Ilya’s teammates coming out of their room. He recognizes them all vaguely but he doesn’t really know any of them. He’s a little surprised to see Troy Barrett among them, recently traded from Toronto under the cloud of Dallas Kent. Ilya had told Shane that Troy was different than he had seemed, but Shane figured with his reputation as a real asshole – not like Ilya, but truly evil – he’d be slow to fit in with the tight-knit Ottawa crew. Clearly he was fitting in fine. 

Boodram grins, “We’re getting drinks at Monks, if you wanted to come?”

“Uh, no,” says Shane, “I gotta talk to Roz, and then I have plans.” He gestures vaguely at his parents and hopes that the Centaurs will assume his plans involve them. 

“Okay,” says one of the others – Lapointe – says, “Roz is just finishing up with the rookie, he’ll be out soon.”

“Cool,” says Shane, “Good game, guys.”

“Eh, not really,” Dykstra shrugs, “But thanks for saying so, Holzy, that’s really classy of you.”

Shane hangs back until Ilya comes out of the home team locker room, with one of Ottawa’s rookies, the shockingly young looking Luca Haas.

Ilya grins when he spots them waiting, “Hollander!”

Yeva squeals in delight, “Dyadya!”

Ilya crowds in close to kiss her and Shane breathes in the clean wet scent of his freshly washed hair. “Hey.”

Ilya moves on to say hello to Shane’s parents, and Haas gives Shane a very shy greeting before scampering off in the direction of the team parking lot. Shane tries to sound casual just in case someone else is listening, “Mom, Dad, what do you think about eating at Ilya’s tonight?”

Shane pretends not to notice how surprised all three look, before his father nods, and his mother agrees that’s a great idea and they’d be happy to pick something up. Shane doesn’t do the usual protest that he should pay. He just wants out of here so he can talk to his fiancé. 

Ilya comes to get Yeva, “Is something wrong, moya lyubov?”

Shane’s breath catches at the pet name here. He swallows hard, “I’ll tell you later. Not here.”

Ilya nods, getting a hold on Yeva, who screams and clings to Shane, “Nooo! Jane!”

“It’s okay,” Shane whispers to her, “I’ll see you at home, okay? I’m going to tuck you in tonight, it’s okay.”

She wails but lets Ilya take her. Shane waits until Ilya’s out of sight with her. His mom’s hand smooths up his arm, “Honey? You look exhausted. Are you sure you want us over tonight?”

Shane nods, “Please.”

“Okay,” she says, exchanging a look with his dad, “We’ll pick up food and see you soon then, sweetheart.”

Shane trudges out to his own car. The secret is stupid. He can’t talk openly to his fiancé, he can’t kiss his fiancé, he can’t tell anyone but his parents that they’re engaged – that had been a tough decision for both of them – and on top of all of that, they’ve taken three cars to the arena when they could’ve taken one. The secret’s bad for the environment. 

Shane pulls up in front of Ilya’s house and lets himself in. Ilya is kissing him before the door is all the way closed. Shane toes off his shoes and allows himself to be pulled in. He sags into Ilya, who of course notices, “Moya luybov, something is bothering you.”

“Yeah,” says Shane softly, “But can we wait until my parents are here? I just… I don’t want to have the same conversation twice. And I’ve missed you so much.”

Ilya lets Shane keep kissing him as they snuggle together on the couch, until they’re joined by Yeva who kicks and squirms herself between them. Shane breathes them in and shoves his face against Ilya’s shoulder so Yeva won’t see he’s crying.

Ilya notices though. “Dechovka, go put on your pajamas.”

Shane lets Ilya pull them both to sitting, “Sorry. I’m sorry.”

“Do not be sorry,” says Ilya, “You are a very sexy man, you are not a machine. It is okay to be upset.” 

The doorbell rings but Shane’s parents let themselves in before Shane or Ilya can move. Shane wipes his face but not before his dad sees, “Oh, buddy. Come on, we’ve got food. You need to eat. Tell us what’s wrong so we can help.”

“One sec,” says Shane. He pulls his chain out from under his shirt and unhooks the ring and puts it on. Ilya leans down and kisses it and gives his hand a quick squeeze before pulling him to the kitchen. Yeva is bouncing around as they eat, since apparently she did have more than enough to eat at the game.

Shane sits down with his plate, “Sorry for worrying you. I’m… I’m okay. I promise. I’m just… exhausted.”

Ilya’s hand rubs up his spine, “Something is bothering you, moya lyubov. I want to help, your parents want to help.”

“I want to help Jane! Me!”

Shane shoves his chair back so he can catch Yeva as she streaks past. “You always help the most, devochka.” He kisses her cheeks before she runs off again giggling happily to herself for “fixing” him.

Shane rubs a hand over his face, not quite able to look at any of his three favorite adults in the world. “Hockey has always been my whole world. And then… I fell in love. And we have Yeva now and… hockey still means so much to me.”

“Yes,” says Ilya. “I know. You just beat our team very badly.”

Shane makes himself look up. Ilya is grinning at him but Shane can see that Ilya’s very concerned about the direction this conversation is going. “I’m scared that hockey is going to be taken away from me. But I’m so tired of pretending not to love you. And I think I’ve just… no matter how bad it is, I don’t think I care anymore. I want to tell people that Ilya isn’t just my friend. That I’m getting married to the love of my life.”

Shane isn’t sure how he wanted Ilya to react. He is pretty sure Ilya wants to tell everyone. He’s hinted at it a lot, especially since they got engaged. But Ilya doesn’t look happy. He just looks concerned. “Shane, I am very tired by this too, but it is important to be careful about this, yes?”

“No,” says Shane, “I mean, yes. Obviously. But… you and Yeva are important too. We’re important. I want to come out. And if you’re not ready, that’s okay, I just… I don’t know if you know that I want that.”

His mom clears her throat softly, “Honey, maybe this is something the two of you talk about?”

Shane shakes his head, “No. Uh, you’re my parents. And mom, you manage the foundation, and Ilya I’m not saying we should just do something today, like we probably should talk to our agent and everything, but… can we think about it?”

Ilya abandons his plate and throws his arms around Shane, “Of course we can think about it. We can think about anything you want, okay?”

They talk for a long time. And eventually they all agree. The best way to force the league’s hand is the endearingly named ‘Scott Hunter approach’. Big, public, and with no warning. Exactly what Roger Crowell does not want from anyone.

Shane suggests, “What about your Pride night? I don’t have a game that night. I can be here, I can sit with the WAGs or something and we can do like a scheduled post so that it goes up right when the game starts, too late for them to bench you.”

“Uh, no,” says Ilya a little too quickly.

Shane frowns, “Why not?”

Ilya eyes their guests, then seems to remember that Yuna and David Hollander are the best secret keeping parents in the whole MLH. “Someone else on my team has already called dibs?”

Shane laughs disbelievingly because he has no idea when Ilya learned the word ‘dibs’, “What?”

“Dibs,” Ilya repeats. “It is taken.”

Shane frowns, he’s going to need so many details later. “Okay… well, it’s further away, but our Pride night is actually against you. So… we’re both there already.”

“This is interesting,” Ilya says slowly, “What exactly would we say? Or do?”

Shane thinks for a long time, “What is… your teammate doing?” He knows it has to be Troy Barrett, but it’s still a vague concept for Shane that Troy Barrett is gay. 

“An instagram video,” says Ilya, “I think. I did not ask too many questions, Shane. My team might think I was too interested.”

Shane’s pretty sure that’s not true. His impression of the Ottawa Centaurs – since Ilya started with them and he started paying more attention – is that they are very supportive and would probably be thrilled to find out that Ilya’s bi. They might not even be so horrified by Shane. And Shane’s glad Ilya will have that, even if he will not. He’ll have Hayden, and that will have to be enough. 

Shane says softly, “Well, we have time to decide. Maybe a post. Maybe we really commit to Scott’s bit.”

Shane feels his mother staring at him, “You would kiss Ilya on the ice at a game?”

“After the game,” says Shane, “After I’ve beaten him.”

Ilya scoffs, but instead of arguing he kisses Shane’s cheek, “You are right, we do not have to do anything else tonight, moya lyubov.” He takes another bite of his food, then adds, “Except for read bedtime stories. Fifteen minute warning, devochka! Jane will read your story.”

Chapter 22: Ilya: Still moving through the pain (Ooh)

Ilya feels empty. Beyond exhausted.

He is happy for Troy and Harris. He is happy to play on a team that is so accepting. That he hopes will be as accepting of him someday soon. 

But the effort of sitting back while the pride night game passes as though it is not his night, of acting as though he is not bothered, has taken a toll. Ilya is also expecting an empty house when he gets there. Yeva is with Yuna and David.

Only, when Ilya opens the door, the house is warm, something smells delicious, and he finds Yeva asleep in Shane’s arms on the couch. Ilya stares at his fiancé in shock. Shane had said he couldn’t be here, that he had some sort of brand deal. “Shane? Are you real?”

Shane blinks awake, “Mmm, yes. Real. And tired. Sorry.” He gently shifts Yeva onto the cushions so he can stand up and kiss Ilya hello, “Hi.”

Ilya holds Shane tightly, “Thank you.”

Shane holds on too, “I watched the game, you played so well. And the support for Troy was… it was beautiful. Dad cried, Mom texted.”

Ilya buries his face in Shane’s Montreal Metros t-shirt, “I told Chiron that it is okay. Because my day is coming.”

“It is,” promises Shane, “It is coming. I promise you will have your day, Ilya.”

“Our day,” says Ilya, “It will be our day.”

“Yes,” agrees Shane, “Let’s put her to bed, then let’s get you showered and to bed, hmm?”

Ilya nods, but doesn’t move. Instead, he watches Shane’s arms flex as he lifts Yeva to his shoulder. She stays asleep, but her arms wrap around Shane’s neck. Ilya follows as Shane carries her up to her room, “There you go, nice and easy. I love you so much, devochka.”

Ilya wishes he could propose to this man all over again. “Ya tebya lyublyu.”

Shane looks away from Yeva, “Ya tozhe tebya lyublyu.”

Ilya lets Shane lead him next into the bathroom, washing him and rubbing soreness from muscles and peppering his skin with kisses. Ilya had showered at the rink, but that had been cursory, not like this. Ilya lets himself be manhandled and prodded.

Ilya talks enough to coax Shane into getting him off with his fingers, and once they’ve cleaned up, Ilya clings to Shane in the dark of their room.

He wakes up the next morning to find Shane already up and moving. Yeva is bouncing along after Shane. Even though Shane’s getting pretty good at naming common household items in Russian and Yeva’s picking up English at a rate that she’ll probably be better than Ilya before she’s four, they still play the naming things game they’d played the first week they’d had Yeva in Boston. Egg. Chair. Plate. Yaytso. Stul. Tarelka.

Shane grins at Ilya, “Good morning, you’re late Rozanov!”

Yeva giggles, “Yeah Daydya! You’re late!”

Ilya sits down to watch Shane cook, “Late for what?”

Shane grins, “First, breakfast. Then, I was thinking…”

Ilya raises an eyebrow, “Thinking?” If Yeva wasn’t in the room Ilya would assume Shane had something he wanted to try in bed. He’s clearly excited about something.

“I know there’s a barbeque at Bood’s this afternoon,” says Shane. “I don’t need to be back in Montreal until the morning. I can leave after Yeva goes to bed.”

Ilya frowns, “What? Shane, I don’t want to leave you and Yeva here all day? I want to spend the day with you –”

Shane sets a plate of pancakes in front of Ilya, “No. I meant it last night. Our day is coming. You trust your team, text them, tell them they have to keep their mouths shut for a few weeks but you’re bringing your boyfriend today.”

Ilya looks from the pancakes to Shane. One is regular, one is clearly something pancake adjacent that Shane deems on-diet. A plate of regular pancakes lands in front of Yeva, and Shane brings his own plate of faux-pancakes to the table. Ilya isn’t sure he’s not hallucinating, “Are you sure?”

“Yeah,” says Shane, because Shane doesn’t do this kind of thing unless he’s sure. “Unless you think Troy and Harris are gonna be pissed if we ride their coattails. They’ve had twelve hours, that’s plenty right?” Ilya wishes they’d be upstaged for coming out after 12 hours, but he doubts that’s likely. 

“Plenty,” Ilya agrees. Shane’s fake pancake isn’t terrible, and the real one is excellent and buttery and covered in maple syrup, the real kind that all of the Hollanders are adamant is not optional. 

“Good,” says Shane. “We can bring Yeva, or my parents can take her, whatever you want to do.”

“She can come,” says Ilya, “It’s good for her to see the other kids. And Harris will bring Chiron.”

Shane reaches across the table for Ilya’s hand, “Is this okay? We don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do.”

“It's perfect,” says Ilya. “You are perfect.”

Shane nods, “Okay. Well, if it were me, I’d probably like, give the team a heads up, but I will let you decide how chaotic we are about this.”

Ilya laughs, “Do the Metros even have fun group chat?”

Shane scowls, “Probably. I’m just not in it.”

Ilya pauses, “Shane, this is second time recently you have pushed for us to come out. Is… is something wrong?”

“I think I just realized… it’s going to be bad in Montreal no matter when it happens,” says Shane, “So it’s better to do it on our own terms, right? Why am I spending so much time and energy hiding something I don’t even want to hide?” Shane sighs, “What Troy had last night… that’s not what I’m getting from the Metros, not ever. So… we should live our lives, and as long as we keep hockey, I’ll find a way to make them deal with me.”

Ilya gets up and wraps his arms around Shane, resting his chin on the top of Shane’s head. “You are a very good fiancé, and I am very proud to be your future husband.”

Chapter 23: I'm gonna write

Chapter Notes

y'all I didn't think people would be that excited for the barbecue! I am SOO sorry this is not that, I hope you like this text fic chapter though!

Cent-Whores (Plus Coach and Harris)

Harris: Thank you all for the support (always) last night. Troy’s on a phone blackout but he wants to say thank you to all of you.

Dykstra: Ottawa Pride Baby!

Bood: we love love 

Rookie Luca: Proud of you Troy!

Bood: reminder drop in any time after 1, bring WAGs, kids, dogs and your own drinks!

Bood: Is Harris a WAG? 

Bood: HAB? 

Bood: WHABG?

Harris: WAGs and Harris is fine! Since it’s just me

Chouinard: I think the Admirals say SAPs 

Chouinard: Spouses and Partners

Should be SAPs

Since is not just Harris

Rookie Luca: !!!

Dykstra: ?

Bood: ???

Harris: WHAT?

Harris: ROZ

Wyatt Hayes: ???

Bood: @everyone idk what’s happening but Team Meeting??

Holmberg: Roz are you gay?

Holmberg: not judging!

Holmberg: but why didn’t you say anything last night??

Tanner Dillon: Rozy???

Troy Barrett: so you DO have a boyfriend??

@Harris terrible job keeping him off his phone

Harris: you knew Roz was gay?????

Harris: and didn’t tell me???

Troy Barrett: outing people is bad!

I am bisexual

For the record

LaPointe: wait is Jane a man???

Bood: no fucking way is Jane a dude

Bood: Roz would’ve slipped up a pronoun ONCE in the last year

I am very careful?

Rookie Luca: !!!

Okay enough

Listen up fuckers

NO ONE OUTSIDE THE TEAM AND THE SAPS CAN KNOW

We are going to come out very soon

But Jane is coming with me to the barbecue

Bood: Cassie’s asking why I’m crying

Wyatt Hayes: holy shit I thought Jane was a figment of your imagination

Wyatt Hayes: a dream you made up because you were lonely

Fuck off Hazy

@everyone I am serious if this leaks I will have to kill you

LaPointe: stop being so dramatic Roz!

Troy Barrett: you’re not special for having a boyfriend Roz

Troy Barrett: even a secret one

Troy Barrett: I dated Adrian Dela Cruz for two years

Wyatt Hayes: wtf Troy???

x5

Wyatt Hayes: wtf Roz???

LaPointe: wtf is x5?

Holmberg: @Troy we’re circling back later. Spit it out Roz!!

For serious I am kind of scared

You might be mad

Dykstra: Ilya Rozanov

Dykstra: bring jane to the fucking barbecue 

Dykstra: speaking for the whole team, we fucking love you

Chouinard: never speak for the whole team again

Chouinard: but same!

Holmberg: same

Troy Barrett: Same

Coach Wiebe: Same

LaPointe: same

Bood: same

Rookie Luca: same!

Harris: please please tell us we’ll be so fine and so normal about it!

Jane is a man

And he is a hockey player

From another team

Troy Barrett: holy shit I was right about everything

Shut up no you weren’t

Coach Wiebe: @Rozanov should I leave the chat? 

Coach Wiebe: should I have plausibly deniability that I knew any of this

Probably yes

Sorry

See you at Boods later

 Coach Wiebe: no one post any pictures of me there, if anyone asks, I never met Ilya’s mystery man

Probably no photos today at all

To be safe

Coach Wiebe has left the chat

Chouinard: jesus christ Roz how bad can it be?

Bood: sorry when you say x5 do you mean 10 years???

About that

Give or take

Holmberg: stop distracting him

Holmberg: Roz if you don’t say a name in the next two minutes I am driving to your fucking house

Holmberg: this is an unbearable act of torture

@everyone I am bringing Shane Hollander to the BBQ

He is the love of my life

And if you don’t like it, I understand

But I promise you he is so perfect

You will have to get used to it

Harris: thank you for telling us Ilya

Dykstra: !

Bood: !!

Rookie Luca: !!!

Chouinard: !!!!

Wyatt Hayes: SHANE HOLLANDER

Bood: SHANE HOLLANDER WANTS TO COME TO MY FUCKING HOUSE??

Holmberg: I think I’m dyslexic

Tanner Dillon: !!!!!

Holmberg: one too many concussions

Troy Barrett: I KNEW IT

Holmberg: Roz couldn’t have just said Shane Hollander

LaPointe: TEN YEARS??

@Troy Barrett you did not know shit

You are lucky I see your obvious giant crush on Harris

Or else I would have to be mad at small baby crush on my Shane

Bood: YOUR SHANE?

Bood: OH MY GOD NO WONDER BABYGIRL LOVES HIM

LaPointe: AND SHE CALLS HIM JANE?? 

Holmberg: Fuck we’re idiots

Rookie Luca: I thought sh sounds were just hard for her

Troy Barrett: Not one of you thought Yeva SCREAMING Jane any time we play Montreal had ANYTHING to do with the Jane Roz is texting 24/7?

Troy Barrett: I’ve been here like half as long as the rest of you

Yes, the three year old is shouting truth but no one listens

One more thing I should probably say before you meet him

Troy Barrett: Roz idk how much more the group chat can take

Troy Barrett: Harris is crying

Harris: like you’re not

Harris: I’m a human being

Tanner Dillon: I’d say stop being cute and gross in the group chat but @Harris is right

Tanner Dillon: anyone not crying rn at the thought of Babygirl and Roz and Shane Hollander shacking up?

Dykstra: …

Bood: …

Rookie Luca: (ToT)

Chouinard: …

Wyatt Hayes: OH MY GOD

Wyatt Hayes: ROZ ISN’T DRAMATIC YOU JUST NEVER LET HIM FINISH SPEAKING

Holmberg: fuck fuck everyone shut up

Shane Hollander is not my boyfriend

We have been engaged since summer

Please come meet my fiance Shane Hollander

Who I did not think really wanted to meet you but definitely planned out that he will today

Troy Barrett: wow Roz, I come out for five fucking seconds and you’ve gotten engaged to Shane Hollander wtf

Troy Barrett: we’re never allowed to have any fucking thing

Harris: @Troy Barrett I love you but shut up

Ha

Turning phone off so devochka and I can convince Shane to let us have a dog

See you at Bood’s

Thank you all

Chouinard:  LET you have a dog?

Chouinard: you’re extremely wealthy

Chouinard: you live in a giant fucking house 

Chouinard: how often is Hollander actually there? You could hide a dog in that house and he’d never even know.

Harris: you’ve seen Ilya within 100m of a dog before right??

Wyatt Hayes: oh yeah Roz ain’t hiding shit

LaPointe: except for banging Shane Hollander for TEN YEARS

Holmberg: i need more fucking information on the timeline

Dykstra: same

Chouinard: same!

Troy Barrett: Same

LaPointe: same

Bood: same

Rookie Luca: same!

Harris: same!

Thank you for being so nice to Shane today

Best team ever

Chapter 24: Shane: A letter to my true love, I'm gonna sign my name

Chapter Notes

again I am so sorry about the lack of barbecue. I hope someone ordered a little MTL v OTT Pride Night though, cause it's served!

Shane’s played every game of his career since he learned how to skate to win. Especially against Ilya Rozanov. 

But there were just some games you played harder than others. 

Game 7 in a playoff series, for example. 

Shane had never played this hard in a regular season game. Even the ones where he’d been burning to win. Oddly, for once he only mostly cares about winning. 

But he’s on fucking fire. 

As the second period ends, Shane’s expecting Ilya to skate over and chirp him, but he’s instead approached by Troy Barrett and Zane Boodram. Bood grins at him, “Jesus Christ Holz, you couldn’t give us a fucking inch?”

Shane shrugs, he can’t quite bring himself to be apologetic, “You could try stopping me?’

“Yeah my wife is expecting me home in one piece,” says Bood, “Are you good? I know Roz said on the drive up that Pride nights are kinda rough for you both.”

Shane gives Troy a small smile, “Yeah, well they’re not all bad. I think this one might turn out okay.”

Troy grins, “Heard. Anyone else on your team planning to show up tonight?”

Shane wishes it didn’t feel so good to hear that. He’s not unaware that his team is built around him. His whole career revolves around that fact. But hockey is a team sport at the end of the day. He can’t win the game for them if his teammates don’t receive his passes, if they don’t pass to him, if they don’t get around the other team’s defense, if defense and goal let the other team in. But the confirmation that other teams knows that the bulk of the Metros success has rested not with the first line but with Shane specifically is exactly what he needs to hear.

It’s the only way he’s going to go through with this night, his one scrap of a security net.

What he says to Troy is a good natured and friendly, “Fuck off, we’re beating you.”

Troy’s response is cut off by the arena erupting. Shane looks up at the jumbotron. He sees the familiar faces of Scott and Kip. They stand out in the crowd, not just because of the camera broadcasting their faces, but because in the sea of Montreal blue and Centaurs black, they are wearing red Admirals jerseys. The pride night jerseys from their game this year. Shane can see his mother’s elbow beside Scott, who has Yeva balanced on his knee, in her Rozanov jersey. But her pigtails are held in with rainbow scrunchies and she’s wearing a tutu in the bi pride colours and she and Kip have matching rainbow facepaint swatched across their cheeks. Shane’s knees feel a little weak.

Bood grins, “Roz is gonna freak when he sees Hunter holding his kid.”

“She loves Scott and Kip,” says Shane, “She thinks Ilya’s dramatic ass trying to get her back is the funniest thing on earth.” 

Finally Ilya skates over, “Wow, Bood, Barrett, fraternizing with the enemy.”

“Fraternizing,” repeats Shane, “Big word for you, Rozanov.”

“Shut up, Hollander,” says Ilya, but he’s smiling, “All of you back to the bench, now.”

Shane grins back and skates away.

Shane scores his fourth goal of the game late in the third period, after Ilya and Haas have each scored one for Ottawa. This prompts Wyatt Hayes to loudly complain about Shane, but Shane knows it’s not that serious. 

The game ends and Shane hurries to change. There’s about to be a throng of media outside the locker room and for once that’s exactly what he wants. He showers and puts on the carefully selected, very obnoxiously Metros-branded shirt for media. His phone chimes.

Lily

Lily: love you see you at the rink

Lily: [image: Yeva covered in something red and baring her teeth to the camera]

Lily: she loves you too

I love you. See you tonight.

Lily: if you want to back out i will stay in the room until media is done

Lily: they can talk to Troy

Shane stares at the new messages. He holds his thumb down on Lily’s contact until it starts to ring out a call. It rings once before the call connects, “Shane?”

“What the fuck are you talking about?” Shane lets the sentence spill out before he can remember to modulate the tone, “I’ve been dressed for less than thirty seconds, I’m ready. Are you backing out?”

“No,” Ilya sounds surprised and a little breathless, “Scared, but not that scared. Are you scared?”

“Terrified,” says Shane honestly. There’s a reason he hasn’t given anyone on his team a heads up. Even Hayden hadn’t been told tonight was the night. They’d wanted to make sure the game played out like any other game they’d ever played. “But I’m heading out now, okay?”

“Okay,” Ilya says, “Ya tebya lyublyu.”

Shane can’t help smiling, “Why don’t you come say that to my face, Rozanov?”

He hangs up and strides towards the door, straight into the fray. He cranes his neck, mostly ignoring the rapid shouting coming at him in both French and English. He answers a few questions a little absently, stalling. 

It’s a long way from the visitor’s locker room amongst the media, but Shane knows the second Ilya’s close. He brings with him a full press entourage as he comes into view. Some of Shane’s own media scrum turns to look as Ilya’s voice carries over the shouting, “I promise, very interesting things to show you, in the right place, at the right time!”

And Shane starts moving. He pushes into the crowd until he gets hand on Ilya’s shoulder and is pulled into the small bubble of space around him. His hand slides up to Ilya’s face, and Ilya’s hands press into Shane’s back, into his hip, pulling him in. Shane’s other hand lands on Ilya’s waist and then they’re kissing.

Kissing like they might get pulled away from one another. The hand he has on Ilya’s waist grips Ilya’s Centaurs t-shirt and pulls. He feels Ilya smiling into the kiss as they’re forced apart by a need to breathe. It is the first time in Shane’s entire hockey career that he’s ever heard the press go quiet for more than two seconds.

His heart is hammering in his ears and he holds tight to Ilya’s shirt. Ilya kisses him again, a little more – but not much – softly this time. When they’re parted again he grins, “Ya tebya lyublyu.”

“I love you too,” says Shane, “Ya tozhe tebya lyublyu.”

The media people are recovering, one brave man shouts from the other side of the hallway, “Hollander! Rozanov! Are you… coming out?”

Ilya deadpans, “No, I am the straightest man alive. I kiss everyone like this.”

Shane snorts, before he remembers he’s not supposed to. Ilya nudges him with an elbow. Shane answers the question, “Yes. We’re in love. Have been for a long time, we just weren’t ready to share before.”

Someone else shouts, “Why now?”

Shane glances at Ilya, who simply raises an eyebrow at him. Shane says firmly, “We have enjoyed our privacy. As two people who are lucky enough –” Shane can feel that Ilya wants to correct that they are not lucky, that they have earned their careers. He plows ahead with the rest of his answer before Ilya can get the chance, “– to play this sport at such a high level, that comes with its own spotlight sometimes. We’ve done our best to keep our lives private, for our health and for our family.” One family. Him, Ilya, Yeva, Shane’s parents. A single family unit. “But sometimes, now that we’re growing up a little, it’d be nice to live our lives without so much privacy.” 

Ilya kisses Shane’s cheek, “What he said.”

Shane doesn’t have to wait too long for the shock to wear off. The moment shifts, just like he always knew it would. “Hollander! When did the rivalry stop being real?”

Shane looks from the reporter the question came from to Ilya, and back again. “Okay, well, thanks for having a hockey-adjacent question –” this time Ilya is the one choking back laughter, “– and never. This man is my favourite person – second favorite, sorry babygirl – in the world. And beating him at every opportunity is my favourite thing. Hockey, Uno, kicking a ball around in the back yard, any chance I have to compete with him I take.”

Ilya pulls him closer, arms wrapping around his waist from behind, “Yes. Beating Shane is the most fun. He is the second best player in the league, is so much better than winning against  players who are not the best.”

Shane rolls his eyes, “Some people buy their boyfriends nice gifts, or take them on a holiday. Mine tells me I have a weak backhand – which I don’t – and then checks me into the boards while his rookie scores an incredible goal.”

They’d practiced this, since Shane had brought up coming out. Steering the inevitable questions about their lives back to hockey. And honestly, they'd been asked out of pocket questions about each other since they were rookies, it comes surprisingly easy now. It’s less of a lie and the words come easily for once.

“Rozanov, you have a long history of dating women!”

Ilya’s laugh rumbles against Shane’s spine, “Da, and the Centaurs have a long history of losing. But tonight we almost beat Montreal Metros. Did you have a question for me or are we just saying things?” It’s a clunky comparison that falls apart the second you think about it too much, but Shane adores this man. 

“Dyadya! Jane!” 

Shane doesn’t even see what direction she’s coming from, but suddenly Yeva is worming her way under and between reporters and cameras until she’s in Shane’s arms. He scoops her up, covering her face with his hand. They’ve gotten less strict about hiding her face as she’s gotten older, but this is a different level of exposure. 

He sees Scott in the crowd, and he mouths an apology for losing hold of her. Shane’s not mad, Yeva’s a bit of a runner. He’s a little curious where his mother has gone though because she’s usually good about keeping her on a tight leash at the arena. The crowd rumbles as they notice Scott’s here and Scott’s shoved to the front. He looks even more apologetic somehow. “Hey.”

“Great now is a big gay party,” drawls Ilya. 

Scott addresses the media, “Look, I am happy to be here supporting Fierte de Montreal and You Can Play, but these interviews are supposed to be about hockey and I was not the one on the ice tonight.”

“I was.”

Shane and most of the media people twist to see Troy Barrett standing there, hands shoved in his pockets. He grins lazily at them, “Aw come on, all four out queer players in the league in one spot? I wasn’t going to pass that up.”

The media parts like the Red fucking Sea for Troy. Shane sees Kip and his mom and whispers to Yeva, “You go to your babusya and you stay there until we’re ready to go, yeah?”

Yeva scampers off but Shane waits until he sees her in his mother’s arms before he relaxes – slightly, given the million cameras still watching him. 

“Okay,” says Ilya slowly, “They can have a picture. Then, I must get home, this is the first time I’ve seen my fiancé in person in three weeks.”

The hallway erupts with a fresh wave of questions.

And Shane just turns and presses his lips against Ilya’s and they all melt into the background.

Chapter 25: Outsports Magazine: Like a patient on a table

Outsports Magazine: The first four active and queer MLH players are working to better their sport

All of you have come out in the last two years, what made you realize that was something you wanted or needed to do?

Hunter: I guess I’ll go first because I was first [laughing from all four players]. It was really exhausting hiding who I was all the time. And once I met Kip, who had been out long before we met, it became even harder. It felt so unfair that my teammates talked about their wives and their girlfriends and I was falling in love alone.

Hollander: Yeah that’s it, really. We knew our relationship would be controversial in the league and that Ilya’s home country of Russia would not be safe for him, so we initially planned to come out after we retired. It was when Ilya found out he’d be raising [their daughter] that we really started talking about coming out.

Rozanov: We would not have made it even without [their daughter], I think. Was very hard even once we admitted we were friendly not to say we were more. 

Barrett: Yeah don’t let Roz stare at Holzy too long or it’ll be so obvious that they’re in love. I think for me it was after leaving Toronto and being so accepted by the Centaurs. Obviously meeting my boyfriend Harris helped, like Scott’s boyfriend he was already out when we met. But I just realized how much energy I was spending trying to seem like I wasn’t gay and the more the Centaurs treated me like a family the more I wanted to be honest with them. And then I wanted that with the world, with the fans.

Did you worry about how coming out would affect your career?

Rozanov: Definitely. And for a long time my career impacted my ability to stay in America, so I was always thinking about what would happen if Boston or Ottawa found out and dropped me.

Hunter:  When I found out about them, I was worried about their careers. I mean, again, when I came out, no active players had ever come out. My agent – hey Tom, sorry for putting you on blast – was very honest that I would be risking a lot and I shouldn’t do it. That I am reaching a point in my career where younger guys are coming up and happy to take my place if sponsors dropped me or the team wouldn’t re-sign me. I’m really glad so many of his concerns didn’t come to pass. That actually hasn’t been true. We’re not the first four out players in the MLH, we’re the only four who have remained active afterwards. Baldwin and Lundin were not offered new contracts after coming out as queer, and the league claims its their right not to re-sign anyone but that was a discouraging pattern. 

Barrett: I wasn’t as scared by the time that I did come out, I mean a lot of that is thanks to Scott. Someone had to be the first, and so I think it is getting a bit easier. But I definitely didn’t do it sooner because I was scared and I don’t think I would have if I thought my position with the Centaurs would be in jeopardy. I know each team has it’s own culture and luckily ours is particularly great. 

Hollander: Ilya and Scott know what it's like to be a captain, the team needs to gel with you. Most people probably know I’m not a very social guy. And part of that was probably not wanting to let anyone get close enough to see that I’m gay. But I was definitely scared that if the reaction was bad that the team wouldn’t follow me, that I’d lose my captaincy, and then my team, and then my career. Hockey means the world to all of us, it was hard to even consider doing anything that might end that.

How has the league reacted to your coming out?

All: [speaking in unison] The MLH supports the LGBTQ community one hundred percent.

Barrett: The Commissioner called me personally after I came out and told me that he wished I’d reached out before coming out to organize something more comfortable for the league. And threatened to help [a former teammate] sue me for defamation for speaking out about his alleged sexual assault of multiple women. But the actual players in the league have been a mixed bag and I just try not to let the negative ones get to me. 

Hunter: Yeah, I mean, it’s disappointing how many players are still throwing homophobic language around on the ice and in the locker rooms, but I think it is improving. Having freshly won a Cup made it hard for the fans to say I shouldn’t keep playing, and my team was luckily pretty great, but the generic statements of support don’t really mean much when they aren’t followed with any tangible action to protect queer players from the rampant homophobia in the sport or the league. 

Hollander: The Commissioner called me into his office shortly after Ilya and I started posting about one another as friends and he didn’t say I shouldn’t come out if I was gay, but it was like what Troy just described, like a need for them to control exactly how out I was so they weren’t surprised like they were with Scott. I have some teammates who have been more supportive and some who are okay with me being gay but not with Ilya, and some who are outright awful to be around. I don’t know what that will look like heading into the playoffs but I’m trying to stay focused on getting us there as a team.

Rozanov: Some people are very loud about their hate, we expected this and everyone has the right to be loudly wrong. But a lot of people have been more supportive than we hoped, both about our sexualities and our relationship. If you mean the actual MLH organization, there’s an ongoing investigation into our conduct.

Scott and Troy first, why is the Hollander-Rozanov affair different than just coming out?

Barrett: It’s because they play on different teams, and the rivalry between them. People thought they hated each other until they started saying they were friends. And even then, they’re so competitive, they’re kind of always against one another. Which I think confuses people when they read a headline that they’re in love.

Hunter: It’s the allegation of misconduct. I’ve been lucky to have seen Hollander and Rozanov play their entire MLH careers and I think anyone who actually knows them knows that it’s not in either of their characters to even consider throwing a game against one another. I think the fact that the league feels the need to go back an investigate their histories is really a testament to how far the MLH is behind other sports and women’s hockey, where players in relationships play with and against each other regularly.

Rozanov: We’re the two hottest, best players in the league. Everyone else is jealous.

Hollander: No comment, we’re waiting for the MLH’s investigation to clear us from any allegations of misconduct.

Troy’s the youngest of you to come out, and the earliest in his career, is there advice from any of you to younger queer athletes in the MLH?

Troy: Maybe not advice, but I think we all agree, being gay – or bi – is a part of who we are, and no amount of hiding it, covering it up, or avoiding it changed that. I think all four of us spent a long time thinking we’d retire and then start living, but that’s not the kind of league I want to play in, and it's not the kind of sport I want my name attached to.

Hollander: I hope teams are more inspired to create a better locker room experience not just at our level, but all the way down to the youth teams, I think that’s the first time I realized I was a bit gay –

Rozanov: You’re very gay. 

Hollander: [fondly] Stop that. We all grew up hearing that gay dudes would come onto us in the showers and turn us gay and there was all kinds of homophobic language and fearmongering. It was really the worst thing you could be accused of being. 

Rozanov: Hey, I came onto you in the showers and now we’re engaged, what is the problem?

Hollander: Scott! Please answer the question, he’s done.

Hunter: When I decided that I wanted to come out, even when the few people who knew warned me the fallout might be bad, I thought about growing up and if it would’ve been easier if someone else had come out when I was younger. And so I wanted to come out not just for myself but to make it easier for the next person. And I hope that it is for younger athletes coming up, but I doubt it’s truly easy for anyone anywhere. But I hope younger queer athletes know that we’re trying to pave a way, and I hope they can be safe and be themselves in this sport.

Do you feel pressure to “represent” the community?

Hunter: Yes, but I think I knew that when I came out it would be part of the deal. But I definitely think being in the closet so long isolated me from parts of the queer community, and obviously a lot of people have other factors in their lives that are different from mine, so people shouldn’t think I speak for all queer people. There’s an idea that a role model needs to be perfect and I’m definitely not, I’m just a hockey player and I happen to be attracted to men and in love with a man.

Hollander: Hockey’s its own community and as the only Asian-Canadian in the league I’ve always had pressure to represent that, and I hope I do a good job. I hope that hockey fans can see something in me – in us – that feels comforting to them. But I agree with Scott, at the end of the day we’re a bunch of guys who play hockey and we’re not going to be able to speak for everyone and we shouldn’t and we might get things wrong sometimes. I spent a long long time trying to be a perfect version of who everyone wanted and expected me to be, and I’m looking forward to maybe just being who I really am for a while.

Barrett: I hope the fans can realize that before we’re hockey players and before we’re gay hockey players we’re humans. I want to use this platform I have to elevate the voices of the people around me, and it does feel like a bit of a distraction to be celebrated for just like being honest about who I am? But if someone in the league or some kid at home feels a bit more like they play this sport or any other sport and not have to change or hide, then I think that’s worth it.

Rozanov: It’s illegal in my home country to represent the queer community, and I think I would be a jerk if I woke up every morning thinking I speak for all bi people. But I do think visibility matters and I’m glad I get to be that for someone. There is a lot of biphobia even within the queer community and I think some people expect me to be… different than how I am. With Shane, but he is the most important thing in my life.

Hollander: Except our kid. Obviously. 

Rozanov: Right. Tie then.

Hollander: In our house? Toughen up, Rozanov.

Rozanov: You see what I deal with? Fine, I love her most and you second most. Happy now?

Is it uncomfortable how much you’ve been asked to share about your private lives since coming out?

Hunter: I mean, I’ll just say, at least Hollander and I, we were extremely private about our personal lives before this. I definitely wanted to be able to talk about my relationship the same way my teammates did, and I’d be lying if I said it wasn’t at times invasive how much Kip and I are asked to share.

Barrett: Yeah I dated someone also well known and closeted so I have a good idea of what that’s like from both sides and it’s really hard but I’d be lying if I said being out was easy. I’m really glad my boyfriend’s job is social media because otherwise I’d be overwhelmed.

Rozanov: I’ve wanted to tell people that I love Shane for a long time, and I am having a little fun with the fans, while I wait to play hockey again. The fans on the internet are very funny. But at some point I will, I think, need some new boundaries.

Hollander: It’s overwhelming, but surprisingly, I’m enjoying it a little. I would like to add though, we’d really like to keep [their child]’s face off the internet as much as possible, so if you’re trying to take pictures of us out in public, please cover her up, or ask so we can keep her out of frame, or something? I don’t mind the curiosity about Ilya and I, though we are still keeping a lot of details private while the MLH investigates. 

Was it lonely growing up as a queer kid in hockey?

Hunter: It was. Hockey was my family after my parents passed, and I was always holding myself back. And it wasn’t just being a lonely kid, I was a lonely adult. I hoped I wasn’t the only one. Hockey is such a huge sport, that it was statistically unlikely I was the only gay guy in the league. It felt better after meeting Kip and coming out and building some of that queer community around myself. But honestly, the first other player I knew about was Holzy and that confirmation meant the world to me.

Hollander: Oh my God, Scott. [he is visibly emotional] Yeah, I was so focused on hockey that I didn’t realize that I was missing that connection with my teammates. And then coming into the MLH at a very young age, seeing so many of my teammates get married and have families and not share my own feelings and partner all this time was very lonely. I was in these guys’ weddings, held their kids in the hospital the day they were born, it was really painful not to be able to share that I cared about [their child] that way, or that Ilya asked me to marry him, or even that I was seeing someone at all.

Troy: It was lonely, and I definitely tried to blend in by emulating and participating in some really homophobic and cruel conduct, hoping that I would fit in better. So not only was I a huge [expletive], I was actively making the culture worse for myself, and I was hating myself for being gay and for being a [expletive] person. I haven’t been able to reach out to everyone I hurt individually, but I hope they know how truly sorry I am.

Rozanov: Russia is not a safe place for queer people, and it is not getting better. I will not be welcome back there. I was reckless growing up there and I think maybe that being reckless when I moved to America put me with my future husband and not in a more dangerous situation. Shane and I run hockey camps every summer with [their charity] The Irina Foundation, and we make a point to include as many inclusive coaches as we can. Hopefully more kids will see themselves represented there and will feel less lonely.

Do any of you have a favorite or funny coming out story? You’ve all had big coming out moments in the league but maybe coming out to other people?

Hollander: Uh, I accidentally came out to my teammate’s wife because [his child] was throwing up and she didn’t really have the English words to tell me what was wrong, and I didn’t know Russian much yet, and I just wanted another parent to tell me things were okay. But I’d been up all night with a sick kid and I was so sleep deprived, and I just totally slipped up. Otherwise, uh, maybe not a coming out story, but people usually think it’s funny, when Rose [Landry] and I were breaking up she was so kind and gentle but she sat me down and basically told me I was gay. Which I was really trying to pretend I wasn’t at that point.

Hunter: I mean my favorite is probably coming out to Benny [Eric Bennett], [Greg] Huff, and Carter [Vaughan]. They were just really supportive, though weirdly they did ask if I was sleeping with Rozanov. Otherwise, I think it wasn’t super funny at the time, but again, my agent Tom who was very very kind, but definitely wanted me to stay in the closet.

Rozanov: Mine is, well, not maybe my coming out? Shane Hollander sat me down at a hotel room in Tampa – [Hollander gets up and physically tries to stop Rozanov from speaking, but Rozanov ducks his attack] – and he said ‘I think I’m gay’ even though we had already been hooking up many times. But then he made us talk about our feelings and how we couldn’t be anything more but maybe we both wanted to be. 

Hollander: You suck, my dad was right, I should’ve tried to find a nice guy in Montreal.

Rozanov: Take that back! Shane! Take that back! You love me!

Hollander: Yeah I love you. [they kiss]

Barrett: I don’t know if people are going to even believe this, but one of my first positive coming out moments was to Roz[anov]. He took me to Scott’s gay bar, which was my first gay bar, and on the way back to the hotel, we like, mutually came out to one another? He was amazing, and he let me kind of take the lead on the conversation, it was great.

Hollander: Well, that’s kind of sweet.

Are you all friends off the ice? Is there a community amongst you as queer athletes?

Hollander: I mean, Scott and I were friendly before, and Ilya and I are getting married, but I definitely only knew Troy on the ice. And I think we’re becoming friendly.

Rozanov: I was surprised Hunter is not too old to work a phone, but there is a group chat, with the four of us, and one with the out players who are no longer active in the league. We talk to the queer players in the women’s league when we need real advice though, there are more of them and they’re usually smarter.

Hunter: I am not that much older than you, Rozanov. Yes, we stay in touch. I was glad I had a few free days that lined up with Hollzy and Roz’s coming out game, my boyfriend Kip and I were honoured to be there to support them for that.

Barrett: Rozanov and I play together so that’s helpful, and since we found out about Hollander and Roz, he’s been super nice. And Scott’s been really nice to me every time we’ve interacted even when he wasn’t sure if I was a trustworthy person. I think we’re all building a community here. 

Hunter: Like Rozanov said, we have connections with the queer athletes in the women’s league. I think we’re building a community also with some of our most vocal allies in the MLH as well, even on the teams that don’t have out players. And I think that’s what the league needs, is more players who are willing to stand up and be a safe space even if they don’t think anyone on their team needs one. Because you never really know until you know.

Hollander: Yeah, Scott’s got a good point. There are a lot of players in this league and far more straight ones than queer ones. Hockey is a better sport when everyone feels safe and that starts with straight players making their teams a place where homophobia is not tolerated.

Chapter 26: I wanna walk again, gonna move through the pain

OutSports Magazine @OutsportsMag☑️

Pride Pioneers: The first four active and queer MLH players are working to better their sport [link]

Scott Hunter @ScottHunter21☑️ replying to @OutsportsMag☑️

Thank you for having us.

Ilya Rozanov @ilyarozanov☑️ replying to @OutsportsMag☑️

Everyone should read what I said so I can stop answering the same questions over and over

Mrs Shane Hollander @ShanesFreckles replying to @OutsportsMag☑️

They all sound exhausted or something. Like this has really been weighing on them all fr. I cried reading Rozanov’s statements about growing up in Russia.

Shane Stan @HollanderHatTrick quote tweeting @OutsportsMag☑️

So like… the Montreal locker room is rank, right? That’s what Shane’s saying by not saying? Everyone else goes out of their way to say their team has been great, he says it’s a mix, and then ends on a call to action for straight players to be better allies??

OutSports Magazine @OutsportsMag☑️

Pride Pioneers: The first four active and queer MLH

Mrs Shane Hollander @ShanesFreckles replying to @HollanderHatTrick 

Oh yeah whatever’s happening in the room is bad

Mayor of Hollanov @CaptainHollyRoz 

No one talk to me for 12 business days, I am crying thinking about Shane and Ilya making a plan to be together for YEARS in secret and then throwing that all away to raise Babygirl together

Rosie @rosienov

I can admit when I was wrong. @hollanovangels I owe you an apology for our years of beef. Those two ice men WERE lovers the whole time.

Benji G @hollanovangels replying to @rosienov 

Welcome home, I’ve saved you a spot next to me

Ilya’s Centaurs @raidmerozanov

Actually weak, because I thought the whole coming out thing was insane, and then they’re bickering about how much they love each other and Babygirl and calling for better conduct by the league and yeah, okay I can almost imagine how the hell this happened.

Benji G @hollanovangels 

I need one of them to slip on the timeline so bad. We know at LEAST they were together by end of season 2017, as Holly and Roz AND Scott Hunter all allude to them being together around the time Roz got Babygirl

Rinkside Receipts @rinksidereceipts

RUMOR: tomorrow’s press conference with Commissioner Roger Crowell will have a ruling on the alleged misconduct between Ottawa Centaurs’ centre Ilya Rozanov and Montreal Metros centre Shane Hollander following the reveal of their sexual relationship and engagement.

Mayor of Hollanov @CaptainHollyRoz replying to @rinksidereceipts

Oh good, I can’t wait to hear the league admit that they’ve run out of leads and can’t pursue this anymore

Shane Hollander @ShaneHollander24☑️

We won’t be talking about this again. Ilya and I are both focusing on leading our respective teams to the playoffs. 

Meg @metrossexualmeg

As a Metros fan living in Boston I’m used to being in enemy territory. As a queer woman though… idk if I can keep doing this. We all knew hockey wasn’t great and then for a brief moment it was better, but idk how to keep going like this 

Rinkside Receipts @rinksidereceipts

Shane Hollander was asked what his biggest hockey parenting challenge is and he laughed and said “Probably that she’s constantly hoping I lose at hockey, she likes Ottawa better. Every other challenge is solvable with enough love, money, or both.”

Eyes on Shane @metroswatch

SPOTTED: Shane Hollander leaving Centre Bell after grueling game 7 loss to Ottawa, with his parents and Babygirl. Babygirl and David Hollander wearing Rozanov jerseys and Ottawa colours, and Yuna wearing Montreal and Hollander gear. 

[image: grainy image of the Hollander family, David swinging Yeva along]

Mike @hockeydade

So what was that about closing the investigation into the Hollander/Rozanov affair @MLHOfficial☑️??

Leigh @rockmerozanov replying to @hockeydade and @MLHOfficial☑️

Be so fucking for real, you cannot think SHANE HOLLANDER threw a playoff game

Mike @hockeydade replying to @rockmerozanov and @MLHOfficial☑️

Me? YOU be so fucking for real, you think Shane Hollander just forgot how to skate?

[video: Shane tripping in Game 7 and Ilya scoring the game winning goal]

Youth Sports for All @rinkratbarbie replying to @hockeydade

Right cause no one ever trips in professional hockey

[video: 20 funniest MLH skating fails compilation]

Eyes on Shane @metroswatch

SPOTTED: Shane Hollander and Babygirl spotted at the Ottawa - Admirals game at MSG. Babygirl wearing her usual Rozanov gear, Hollander wearing generic Centaur’s colours.

[image: Shane sitting in a VIP area with Yeva on his lap, her face is turned away]

MLH News @MLHUpdates

Shane Hollander departs the Montreal Metros following a controversial season end. 

Boston Tea @RaidersNews

To my Montreal haters: “Go to hell” is basic. “I hope your team captain falls in love and moves to Ottawa to be with his lover” is smart, it’s possible, it’s terrifying. It happened to my good friend Ilya Rozanov and now it’s happening to Shane Hollander

Ottawa Centaurs @OttawaCentaurs☑️

Welcome to our newest team member: Shane Hollander

[image: Shane Hollander in an oversized Centaurs jersey]

Chapter 27: Shane: And now we're screaming sing the chorus again

Chapter Notes

I am charmed by the idea of the Hollander-Rozanov summer camp experience for basically everyone they know and love.

When Shane had built a house of glass, he had not anticipated having this many visitors. 

He’s kissing Ilya, only to hear a barrage of knocks on the glass. He whirls around to see Yeva, Arthur, and Rose grinning back at him. Ilya groans, “We are busted again.”

Shane grins, surprisingly unbothered that he’s been thwarted from kissing his new husband for most of the last week, “Duty calls.”

The cottage is not only made of glass, it’s bursting at the seams with dogs and hockey players and children and family. 

Shane, Ilya, Yeva, and their newest addition – Anya the dog. 

Mom and Dad, of course.

Troy and Harris and Chiron.

Hayden and Jackie and all four of the Pike children.

Rose.

Svetlana.

Cliff Marlow.

Bood, Cassie, and their baby, Milo.

Scott Hunter and Kip Grady.

Not currently up but on a rotation has been most of the Ottawa Centaurs and, if they have them, their partners and children. JJ even made an appearance. Connors and St Simon are coming up from Boston next week claiming to miss Yeva, though Shane knows it’s really Ilya they miss.

Shane’s never felt more overwhelmingly loved in his life.

The Metros had been his chosen family for a long time, at the distance he needed to hold them at. But now that he’s letting it, this new found family, this village that he and Ilya have cobbled together over the last two years is filling spaces in Shane’s life he didn’t know he had.

So he’s not even that bothered that he’s had all of five minutes alone with his husband since their wedding in July.

Shane’s so busy staring at Ilya’s face lit up by the flickering flames of the cheerfully burning fire that night, that he misses how everyone gets started. But suddenly it’s ‘tell Shane and Ilya stories’ hour and everyone is delighting in Rose’s dramatic reenactment of informing Shane that he is in fact fully and undeniably too gay to continue to be her boyfriend.

Svetlana stands up after Shane’s dad has finished the story of picking Ilya up from the side of the road on Yeva’s first day of preschool because he was crying too much to drive. She’s grinning in a way that makes Shane just slightly uneasy. “I know I have known Ilya longer than anyone here,” she starts, “So you are probably expecting an embarrassing Ilya story.” She pauses for applause, which comes with enthusiasm. “But I would like to take a moment to toast my dearest ally in my lifelong war against Ilya Rozanov’s impulsivity – Shane Hollander.” 

Shane’s face instantly gets hot, even without knowing what story Svetlana is about to tell. “The truth is that I did not like Jane, when I did not know who Jane was. I saw how painful love was for Ilyuhka and I did not think Jane – whoever he was – realized how lucky he was. It turns out that I was missing a lot of context. And I was very disappointed that when I did learn that Shane Hollander was Jane, I also quickly found out that Jane did not much like me either.”

Svetlana’s almost a better storyteller even than Rose, pausing for some good natured ribbing about Shane’s jealousy. 

She picks up after a few moments, “But I would have to be absolutely senseless not to see how much they love one another.” Some whistling this time. “And they love Yevochka dearly. From the moment Ilya brought her home. Shane did not have to step up. In fact, he even offered to step back, for her and Ilya’s wellbeing.” Shane has Yeva in his arms and he holds her tighter, like that distant threat of observing her and Ilya’s life together from afar might loom closely again.

Svetlana smiles, “I would do anything for Ilya, almost. I would not marry him unless Shane Hollander asked me to, which he once considered doing.” That draws a smattering of confused laughter. Ilya smirks at Shane, the firelight licking up his lips deliciously.

Svetlana holds up her drink, “Shane Hollander and Ilya Rozanov are some of the best dads I know. All you other dads here included. Except maybe you David.” Shane watches his mom lean her head against his dad’s shoulder as his dad grins a little bashfully. Svetlana takes a sip of her drink, “Ilya was actually here for the first time when they found out about Yeva. What Shane and Ilya don’t know is that history is in a way repeating itself. Because neither of them know yet that in seven or eight months, Yeva will be a big sister. And before anyone freaks this is not wine.”

Shane’s whole world tilts. They haven’t told anyone but Svetlana that they want another kid, because they’d wanted her to carry it for them. Someone they know. Someone they love. 

And it worked. It fucking worked.

Shane’s nearly knocked over by Ilya, scooping him and Yeva into his arms delightedly. Shane’s a little dizzy as he shuffles Yeva into Ilya’s arms and in three steps he’s crushing Svetlana in his arms, “It worked?”

“It worked so fucking good,” she promises, “I’ve got every fucking pregnancy symptom in the book, I just wanted to be really sure before I told you.”

The entire group is ecstatic, buzzing with the news. Hayden slaps him on the back heartily. Ilya kisses him so hard that Jackie takes Yeva out of Ilya’s arms. 

The kids fall asleep as the night goes on, but the adults ride the good news into the late hours. 

At some point Svetlana fills Shane and Ilya in on all the gory early pregnancy details, and Shane tries not to feel guilty that she really is having so many symptoms including a lot of nausea and fatigue, congestion, headaches, and a whole host of aches and pains that Shane hadn’t even realized pregnancy could cause when the fetus was about the size of a blueberry.

Shane finds himself sitting down on the dock near about the spot he and Ilya proposed to one another. A hand lands on his shoulder. He turns, sees his parents standing there. His mom smiles, “Big year for you. Married. New team. A baby.”

Shane scuffs his shoe against the dock, “Are you upset we didn’t tell you we were trying?”

“Oh no, sweetheart,” Shane lets his mother pull him into her arms, “That’s between you and Ilya, honey. More kids, just Yeva, that’s for you to decide. But we’re so so happy for you.”

Shane moves from his mom to his dad, “We should have talked to you first, we rely on your help so much. Too much, it just happened so much faster than I thought.”

“We thought we might have another,” says David, “After you. It wasn’t meant to be. Things happen when the time is right, or they don’t.”

Shane can see in the dark that his mother is dying to ask for more details, “Not that it matters, but it’s mine. Biologically. Obviously we’re both the dads, but, you know, we made a choice.”

His mother nods, “It doesn’t matter to us, of course. But oh, Shane, they’ll be so cute. You were the cutest baby.”

Shane thinks his parents are probably a little biased. And he’s not going to lie, even though Yeva is Ilya’s niece, he loves dearly every little bit of them that is alike. It was hard to choose not to have a baby that might get Ilya’s curls, or his impish grin, or his hazel eyes. But Ilya had worried about other potential inheritances – Alzheimer's, depression, addiction – and cooed about the possibility of a baby with Shane’s dark eyes and his freckles until they’d agreed they’d try with Shane as the bio dad.

And Shane loved Yeva more than he thought humanly possible, she was every bit his kid, but they’d agreed it would be nice to each be biologically related to one of their children. And maybe, Shane thought, they’d have more, and they could use Ilya’s sperm the next time. 

Shane stares out into the dark water beyond the dock, “It’s been like three hours and I already love this one. And I love Yeva and Ilya so much. And I’m terrified.”

“That,” his mom stamps a kiss on his cheek, stretching up to reach, “Is because you overthink everything. And because you are a parent, and that’s what we do.”

Ilya wanders down, looking sleepy and satisfied, “Are you having a secret meeting of Hollanders? You must invite me to these things now, moya lyubov, since I am now one of you.”

Shane opens his arms and waits for his husband to fall into them, “You are one of us, you have been for a long long time. We were just talking about the baby.”

“The baby,” Ilya echoes with a delighted giggle, “We’re going to have a baby, Shane.”

Shane thinks about the first time they’d been here together. Where they’d been handed a kid before they’d even started referring to each other as boyfriends. Back when he’d hoped Ilya loved him the way Shane loved Ilya. Hoped that would be enough to weather the storms. And it really almost was. 

Shane’s vaguely aware of his parents retreating. He kisses Ilya’s shoulder as they bask in one other’s presence, “I love you so fucking much, Ilya Rozanov.”

“Ilya Hollander-Rozanov,” says Ilya petulantly, “Rozanov is just my stage name now, yes?”

Shane rolls his eyes at his husband, but then kisses him hard, “Ya tebya lyublyu, Ilya Hollander-Rozanov. Better?”

“Better,” Ilya confirms, “I love you too, Shane Hollander-Rozanov.”

Shane leans his head against Ilya’s as they turn to stare up towards the cottage. There’s still lights on and people up inside and outside, but the night is winding down. Shane sighs contentedly, “Remember when the plan was you move to Ottawa and we sneak around until we both retire?”

Ilya snorts, “Good plan on paper. Terrible plan in real life.”

Shane grins, “Good, cause I plan on playing hockey with you until our kids have to cart us on and off the ice.”

Ilya laughs, one of Shane’s favorite sounds in the world, “You are ridiculous. Our kids. Come to bed, husband. Yevochka swears she will spend the entire night with the Pikes. But I think we both know she will crawl in with us soon, hmm? Is better if we are there when she comes looking.”

“Yes,” Shane agrees, because he thinks waking up tomorrow with Ilya and Yeva tangled up in the bedding is the best thing in the whole world. “Let’s go to bed. Take me to bed.”

Chapter End Notes

This is where we part! Thank you for the insane amount of support this story has received. I want to hand these men all the babies, they are so dad-shaped.