Rating:

Teen And Up Audiences

Archive Warning:

No Archive Warnings Apply

Category:

M/M

Fandoms:

Heated Rivalry (TV), Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid, Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime), Game Changers | Heated Rivalry - All Media Types

Relationships:

Shane Hollander/Ilya Rozanov, Katsuki Yuuri/Victor Nikiforov, Shane Hollander & Katsuki Yuuri, Victor Nikiforov & Ilya Rozanov, Yuri Plisetsky & Ilya Rozanov, Jean-Jacques Boiziau | J. J. Dagenais & Shane Hollander & Hayden Pike, Shane Hollander & Montreal Voyageurs | Montreal Metros Team Ensemble

Characters:

Shane Hollander, Ilya Rozanov, Hayden Pike, Jean-Jacques Boiziau | J. J. Dagenais, Montreal Voyageurs | Montreal Metros Team Ensemble (Game Changers), Katsuki Yuuri, Phichit Chulanont, Yuna Hollander, David Hollander, Victor Nikiforov, Yuri Plisetsky

Additional Tags:

Hockey Players Mic'd Up on the Ice (Game Changers), Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, Hockey Fights, Figure Skating, Autistic Shane Hollander, Social Media, Twitter, no AI was used in the creation of this fic, only vibes, POV Outsider, Texting, Figure Skater Shane Hollander, Hockey Player Shane Hollander, Ilya Rozanov is a Menace, Mixed Media, Character's Name Spelled as Viktor Nikiforov, Instagram

Language:

English

Series:

Part 1 of crackin' open a cold one

Collections:

hollanov faves

Stats:

Published: 2026-03-02 Completed: 2026-03-12 Words: 22,000 Chapters: 6/6

Figure Skating for Hockey Players

Summary

The problem, Shane muses in hindsight, is that he commits to things too hard.

He puts his all into everything. He wouldn’t be who he is without it.

The fact that he can’t resist a challenge, even if it’s stupid, is more of the problem than anything else.

In which Shane has hidden talents, Ilya runs to catch up, the internet spirals, and Yuuri, Viktor and Yuri are dragged along for the ride…

Notes

I've been on a Heated Rivalry bender. This idea came to me in the night, amidst the haze of midterm exams.

Chapter 1

Chapter Notes

The problem, Shane muses in hindsight, is that he commits to things too hard.

He puts his all into everything. He wouldn’t be who he is without it.

The fact that he can’t resist a challenge, even if it’s stupid, is more of the problem than anything else.

It’s not something he likes to make known. He has a certain image to upkeep.

It starts like this:

SPRING 2015

The roster for the night lands in Shane’s hands as he finishes strapping his helmet on.

Nothing unusual for Game Six in the Eastern Conference Finals versus Boston. The Voyageurs are coming in hot off of three consecutive wins. One more win and they’re going to the Stanley Cup finals.

He makes a noise in the back of his throat when he reads the bottom of the page.

Media:

• Mic’d Up: #24 Captain Shane Hollander (1C)

“Keep it clean this time,” Monica, the social media admin, says as she runs the cords of the mic pack down the back of Shane’s jersey. 

“I’ll try my best.” Shane rubs the back of his neck a little sheepishly, adjusting the cords.

“I mean it, Shane. Family-friendly broadcast.” She gives the mic pack a quick tap. “All set. Get on out there.”

“Thanks,” he throws over his shoulder as he steps back into the locker room.

“Capitaine!” J.J. crashes into him, slinging an arm over his shoulders. “Tell these fuckers how it’s done.”

“Watch the mic, J.J.,” he says, as J.J. goes a little pale. “I don’t want Monica getting pissed at me again.”

“Cap’s the feds!” Comeau slams a hand down on Shane’s shoulders, and a chorus of groans goes up from the locker room.

“Alright, alright. Listen up,” Shane says. “Yes, I’m mic’d up tonight. You know what that means?”

Heads nod around the room.

“Play clean. Psych them out. Don’t get goaded into fights. Let them get sloppy. They will not stop us from putting pucks in nets.”

“What about Rozanov?” Hayden asks.

“Let me handle him,” Shane says evenly. “Give him nothing. I don’t care if he says he was fucking your mom last night. I don’t want to see stupid penalties. We’re going all the way, boys. The Bears are going down tonight.” 

The Voyageurs cheer as they follow him out onto the ice.

The Bell Centre roars as they skate out for warmups, the red-and-blue crowd on their feet. Shane tunes them out as he kneels on the ice, working his hips and knees out. 

He takes his turn with Hayden, chipping shots at Drapeau and gliding out to the edges of the rink.

By the third round, he’s waiting by the Voyageurs bench as Rozanov skates up to the red line, showering him in snow. 

“Ready to be destroyed in your own house, Hollander?”

“F–eff off, Rozanov.” Family friendly broadcasting. Family friendly broadcasting.

Rozanov laughs, the grin on his face more a baring of teeth than anything else. “Your little win streak will die tonight.”

“Fat chance.”

“What, will you wow me with pretty skating? Delicate stick handling? Hollander, it takes more than this to win games.”

The thought of every text Rozanov sent him before this game flits through his mind before he forces himself to focus.  “That pretty skating is going to beat you to the Cup.” He almost tacks on asshole to the end of the sentence, and then remembers the mic again.

Rozanov grins again, tongue flicking out across his incisors. “Prove it.”

“I don’t need to prove anything to you, Rozanov. Win a game first.” With that, he skates back toward the blue line, quickly absorbed back into the rhythm of warm-ups, still feeling the heat of Rozanov’s gaze on his back.

“Little bit of pre-game chirping going on here, as we tune into Montreal Voyageurs Captain Shane Hollander’s on-air mic.” 

“I think he’s feeling the pressure tonight, with three wins for the Voyageurs in this series. If they can keep the momentum up, Hollander will be captaining the first Voyageurs squad to make it to the Stanley Cup Finals in over a decade.”

“And you can tell Rozanov’s really trying to push those buttons. Hollander doesn’t seem to be taking the bait, but we’ve seen how these things have played out in the past with Rozanov.”

“He is certainly an agitator, but he’s got the skill to back it up. It’s a bit of a surprise to see the Boston Bears, reigning champions, top of the Atlantic Division, on the back foot here. If they can push through tonight, they’re still going to have to take it to Game 7. And the Voyageurs are not going to just let them have it.”

“We’re definitely looking at an intense game tonight folks. With Oregan and Johansson out on injury after Game 5, they’re going to be fighting an uphill battle against a Voyageurs offense that has only gotten more hungry throughout this series.”

Five minutes into the first period, Shane slams harshly into the boards, keeping his eyes on the puck as he sends it over to Hayden. He squeezes out from under the Boston defenseman and cuts behind the net to meet Comeau.

The puck comes flying into his stick like a magnet and sails, with a flick of his wrist, over the goalie’s left shoulder.

The goal horn blares and the crowd are on their feet chanting “Óle, Óle, Óle!” 

The Voyageurs crash into Shane, yelling chaotically in his ear.

“Montreal takes an early lead with a beautiful goal from Captain Shane Hollander– let’s take a look at how he and his teammates reacted in the moment.”

“[feedback] Fuck yeah, Capitaine—”

“Let’s go, Shane!—”

“Show ‘em how it’s done!—”

“HOL-LAN-DER! HOL-LAN-DER!”

“Well the team is certainly excited, but Hollander himself is cool as a cucumber. That trademark calm has been a pillar for the Voyageurs throughout this meteoric playoff run.”

“You can say that again. It’s been remarked on throughout these last seasons that Hollander is the kind of guy who leads by example, and you can certainly see that at play in this game. He’s all business, even after a beautiful goal like that.”

The early goal isn’t enough to stop the game from getting violent. Shane sees J.J. rocket into Marleau out of the corner of his eye and gets a sinking sensation in his stomach. Sure enough, their gloves go flying, and suddenly half of the players on the ice are brawling.

Rozanov skates up to the boards where Shane has distanced himself from the fight as the refs and linesmen try to cut through the chaos, just as Shane yells, “Knock it off!”

He holds his hands up in mock surrender. “Hollander, you do not need to yell at me. I do nothing for you to be so angry.”

“Not you—” Shane cuts himself off. “I told them we were playing clean today.”

“Boo-hoo,” Rozanov blows a raspberry. “Is hockey. It happens.”

They stand in silence together for a few seconds as the fight shows no signs of stopping. 

Actually, that’s not entirely true. Both Shane and Rozanov look at their benches and glare down the guys who are looking to join the fray.

“Ugh, they are so slow,” Rozanov says, just as one of the linesmen goes tumbling to the ground. “More time to be dance partner, yes?” His signature grin is back, and Shane is avoiding looking directly at it. Rozanov glides closer, and Shane takes a step back. “You do not want to ice dance with me, Hollander?”

“No,” Shane deadpans.

“Too bad. You would suck at it. All that pretty skating going nowhere. Boring.”

Shane feels a tingle go up his spine.

Something in his brain whispers, Do it.

Before he can really think about it, his stick is propped up against the boards and he’s gliding back, in a spiral, doing a counter to face forward before he launches himself into the air off of his right leg.

One.

Two.

Half.

He lands on his left leg with a slightly harder impact than he intends, the blades of his hockey skates not made for this maneuver, but keeps the line going, power pulling as he circles back to grab his stick from the boards, right leg extended behind him.

“How’s that for pretty skating,” he says, a little breathless.

The surprise and heat in Rozanov’s eyes is familiar. It warms all the way to Shane’s core, and he has to fight off another shiver in his spine.

The silence in the rink is not.

The fight has stopped, the circle of players and officials all now staring at him.

Shane looks up, right into the lens of the Spidercam.

The feed of which is on the Jumbotron.

The stadium cheers, as the Voyageurs break into raucous hoots and Shane’s face goes bright red under his helmet.

“That’s a bit of a borderline check there on Marleau from Boiziau as Hollander takes off—puck is swiped by Rozanov—oh, it looks like the gloves are coming off again.”

“It does not look pretty out there, with gloves dropping all over the ice. The puck is lost in the scrum, since Rozanov sent it to St. Simon just seconds before the fight broke out.”

“The only ones staying out of it are Hollander and Rozanov, in a bit of a surprising turn of events. You’d think these rivals would be taking the opportunity, but they seem quite civil out there.”

“You can tell that’s all Hollander’s influence. Man’s a pacifist, and he won’t let Rozanov get under his skin in a game this important.”

“We’ll tune into his mic as it seems like the captains are chatting after getting their benches under control.”

“[feedback]…slow. More time to be dance partner, yes? You do not want to ice dance with me, Hollander?”

“No.”

“Hollander is not putting up with Rozanov’s antics today, that’s for sure.”

“Too bad. You would suck at it. All that pretty skating going nowhere. Boring.”

“You know, I can’t tell if that’s a compliment from Rozanov or not—what is Hollander doing?”

“He’s dropped his stick but not his gloves—looks like he’s winding up for…”

“…”

“…”

“How’s that for pretty skating.”

“Unbelievable. Shane Hollander has just done what looks like a textbook double axel in the middle of this playoff game.”

“If it was a strategy to stop the ongoing fight, then it certainly worked. The home crowd here in Montreal is loving it. The Voyageurs are cheering on their bench, and the Bears are dumbfounded, much like their captain does on the ice right now.”

“Did anyone know he could do that?”

“It’s hard to see how he did it at all, in full kit. We’re seeing a replay of it now from the Spidercam.”

“…”

“Wow. Hollander gets a lot of credit for his hockey IQ, but he’s clearly been putting in a lot of work on his skating to manage that. Not a wobble to be seen.”

Shane spends the rest of the game in a haze, playing by pure muscle memory.

They win 4-2, with Shane getting two goals and an assist on Hayden’s goal. He comes back into awareness in the handshake line, meeting eyes with Rozanov, a promise of heat in his eyes.

Shane stands with the Prince of Wales trophy as his team celebrates around him, face solemn in all of the photos. They award him first star, and he feels nothing but a pit of dread in his stomach as cameras and microphones start coming out.

“Shane, we saw a decisive victory tonight for the Eastern Conference Finals. What can you tell us about tonight’s win over Boston?”

“We followed the playbook, and made it a goal to put pucks in nets. I think that’s what came across tonight.” Media training for the win.

“How is the team feeling heading into the Stanley Cup Finals? This will be Montreal’s first time in the finals since 1998.”

“We’re all excited and ready for the challenge. It’s an honor to be able to lead this team—all we can do is continue to put in the work.”

“Shane, what inspired you to give us that show of figure skating during the first period?”

Fuck. Shane peruses his brain for an acceptable answer.

“It’s nothing special, just something I pulled from cross training.” Okay. That’s fine. Maybe they won’t pursue it.

“From what we heard on the broadcast, there was some commentary from Captain Ilya Rozanov on your skating beforehand.” Or not.

Shane pauses for a moment, hoping the panic doesn’t show on his face. “It was a chirp, that’s all.” 

The reporters lean in, cameras flashing.

“He set the tone,” Hayden says gleefully, gliding over from where he’s being interviewed as second star. “I’ve never seen the Bears so confused in my life. You should do that for all of our playoff games, Shane.”

“No way.” It comes out deadpan, hiding the growing anxiety behind it. 

“Why not?,” Drapeau says, his third star interview having concluded. “If you play like that again after a little twirling, why not give us a show, captain?”

Shane pinches the bridge of his nose. “I will show you after the finals, alright? Let’s win the Stanley Cup first.”

Montreal Voyageurs @MontrealVoyageurs ● May 27, 2015

The highlights from last night’s action packed Game 6 against the @BostonBears!

Les faits saillants du match 6 d'hier soir contre les @BostonBears!

[Video Link: Montreal Voyageurs WIN Eastern Conference Finals!]

Mark @voyageursfan243 ● May 27, 2015

GO VOYAGEURS!!!!

eliza @montrealgirlzz ● May 27, 2015

I’m calling it now

They’re winning the Stanley Cup

Hockey Analyst @hockeyanalyst ● May 27, 2015

2G + 1A from Hollander to cap off this series—a great show of leadership in his second year as captain…🧵(1/16)

Violet @sk4tingf4n ● May 27, 2015

ok but HOW is hollander doing all that. dude is built like a tank

Dean Andrews @dandrews ● May 27, 2015

he is on the smaller side for a hockey player

 

Violet @sk4tingf4n ● May 27, 2015

[Link: Player Profile - Shane Hollander]

5’11” and 200 lbs is small to you??

Brad @bearshockeyi$lyfe ● May 27, 2015

They need to focus more on hockey not whatever pansy bullshit Hollander did in the first period

eliza @montrealgirlzz ● May 27, 2015

are you mad because your team couldn’t get it together after an incredible skater stunted on your captain and put up three points? grow up

SUMMER 2015

Figure Skating for Hockey Players: Episode 1 featuring Montreal Voyageurs Captains

[Video opens on an empty rink. Shane Hollander, Captain of the Montreal Voyageurs, skates in from the left side of the screen, dressed in compression gear. He comes to a halt by the home bench, facing the camera.]

SHANE HOLLANDER: Hello, everyone. It’s been a little bit since the Finals, and our wonderful social team reminded me that I promised to do this if we won the Stanley Cup.

[He runs a hand through his hair, looking at something behind the camera.]

SH: I didn’t think it would be such a big deal, but here we are. This is Figure Skating for Hockey Players.

[Video title flashes on screen. Camera cuts to Hollander standing in the center of the rink.]

SH: All of what I will demonstrate today is techniques I regularly practice, and have been doing since I was a teenager. This is not intended to be instruction. Please do not injure yourselves trying techniques you are not comfortable with. You should always warm up before getting on the ice—I did mine off camera.

SH: Since this is Figure Skating for Hockey Players, I will be doing this in hockey skates for the most part.

[He lifts his left foot off the ground, showing his black hockey skates to the camera.]

SH: There are a couple of key differences; hockey skates are optimized for speed and have shorter curved blades. Figure skates are a little longer, and have a toe pick, as well as distinct inside and outside edges. The exercises I am demonstrating today do not require the toe pick. However, it’s always important to regularly sharpen your blades and keep them in good condition, regardless of which type of skating you are doing.

[The camera begins to move and follow Hollander as he skates in a slow circle on his right leg.]

SH: First, I start with compulsory figures. These involve skating in specific patterns to create a shape on the ice.

[The camera tilts down, showing a perfect circle on the ice. Hollander steps off with his left foot, creating another perfect circle beside the first.]

SH: These are good for practicing control in your footwork. 

[Hollander works through a series of compulsory figures, drawing circles, figure eights and other shapes on the ice.]

SH: Directional changes tend to be more important in figure skating, but it is a valuable skill to learn for hockey players as well. Being able to switch between going backwards and forwards can be critical.

[Hollander demonstrates a series of turns, with small labels popping up on screen next to him as each is performed, as follows: 3-Turn, Bracket, C-turn, Rocker, Counter]

SH: I’m sure you’ve learned some of these while learning to skate, but practicing them individually allows you to hone your dexterity to do things like this.

[The camera angle changes to show an obstacle course of various cones and barriers. Hollander twists and turns through the obstacles with stick in hand, moving the puck lightning fast before he flicks it into the net with a backhand shot.]

[The camera switches to show the home bench, where the alternate captains of the Montreal Voyageurs, Hayden Pike and J.J. Boiziau stand with a camera. Small labels pop up with their names and positions:

[#35 Alternate Captain Hayden Pike (1LW]

[#16 Alternate Captain Jean-Jacques “J.J.” Boiziau (1D)]

[The ice is once again visible as Pike and Boiziau start cheering, prompting Hollander to facepalm.]

SH: The second skill that I showed at the Conference Finals is called power pushes or power pulls. We know how to do these as hockey players, but drilling them like a figure skater will improve your speed with the skill. It really comes down to repetition.

[Hollander starts doing laps of the rink on one foot, going around forwards, then backwards, then switching directions cyclically.]

SH: If you ever lose a blade, you’ll be glad to be able to power pull so you don’t have to crawl across the ice.

[Hollander abruptly drops to the ground with a knee bent and one foot in the air, pretending he has lost a skate blade. He tucks the remaining skate underneath himself and squats upright before power pulling across to the home bench.]

SH: Those are the skills I generally drill, since they’re the most applicable to hockey. 

[Behind the camera] J.J. BOIZIAU: Capitaine, why won’t you show us the real figure skating?

SH: I’m getting there, J.J., I have to switch skates.

[The shot wipes, now showing Hollander tying the laces of a pair of black figure skates.]

SH: As I was saying earlier, there are some skills you can’t practically use hockey skates for.

[Hollander finishes tying his new skates before stepping back out onto the ice. He glides forward for a few moments, coming to a neat stop in the center of the ice.]

SH: First you have spins.

[Hollander launches into a series of twizzles, traveling towards the camera]

SH: The ankle support of a figure skate is necessary for balance with maneuvers like these.

[Hollander shows off three types of spins: upright, sit spin, and a camel spin.]

SH: Especially when you start spin combinations.

[Hollander performs a camel spin before bending his extended leg back, tucking into his body. He releases his leg, gliding forward before he performs a butterfly jump.]

SH: I’m not quite flexible enough for all of the variations, but that’s the gist of it. Spins aren’t as important for hockey players, but practicing them teaches you a different sense of awareness of your body and the placement of your skates. It makes it easier to orient yourself when you get checked.

[Hollander skates back towards center ice, coming to a gentle stop.]

SH: Next are the jumps. There are six common types: the toe loop, flip, lutz, loop, salchow, and axel. There is also the Euler, which is called the half-loop. The first three all utilize the toe pick as part of the take off, while the last three use the edges of the blade.

[Hollander starts skating, gaining momentum.]

SH: I’m not a figure skater—I can only do up to doubles. A friend of mine taught me these awhile back, so I’ll do my best to show you guys.

[Hollander throws himself into a single toe loop jump, then a flip, working down the list of jumps displayed on the right of the screen.]

[Behind the camera] HAYDEN PIKE: F— yeah, Shane! 

[Behind the camera] JB: Don’t distract him!

[Behind the camera] HP: Sorry, sorry.

[After doing all six jumps, Hollander does an Euler, then starts working his way through the double jumps.]

[Behind the camera] JB: Did you know Capitaine could do this?

[Behind the camera] HP: He showed the girls a little bit one time. I didn’t think he could do this though. 

[Hollander finishes his round of double jumps with a double axel that is synchronized with footage from Game 6 of the Eastern Conference Finals on the left side of the screen. He wipes sweat off his brow before skating back towards the bench.]

SH: Those are the standards. There are a bunch of variations that I can’t name off the top of my head. Also, there are non-spinning jumps as well.

[Hollander winds up, skating a wide circle in a spread eagle before he leaps into a straddle split, landing lighter than it seems like he should, for a tall and muscular hockey player.]

[Behind the camera] JB: Tabarnak! Capitaine, why have you been hiding this from us?

[Hollander skates back towards the bench, tilting his head.]

SH: I haven’t? You guys know I cross train. It’s on my schedule.

[Behind the camera] JB: But not with all the jumps and spins!

SH: I can’t exactly do split leaps when we play hockey, J.J. It’s dangerous. [laughs] I did one jump during playoffs and suddenly everyone thinks I’m a f—ing figure skater. It’s just cross training. I’m not good enough at it to be a professional.

[Behind the camera] HP: If it’s just cross training, you could teach us.

SH: [laughs] It’ll take more than that to convince me to do this again. The playoffs were enough.

[The video begins to fade to black. Words begin to appear in the center of the screen:

PREVIEW OF EPISODE 2: 

[Pike and Boiziau start putting their skates on and going out onto the ice.]

[The camera shows Hollander, Pike, and Boiziau arrayed in a row on the ice. Hollander initiates a pirouette, tucking his arms into himself and raising them above his head before dropping into a sit spin, then coming back up, arms gently outstretched. Pike and Boiziau attempt to imitate him, falling over each other in the process. The video ends just before both alternate captains hit the ice face first.]

Montreal Voyageurs @MontrealVoyageurs ● June 21, 2015

Our Captain always follows through!

Notre Capitaine suit toujours ses actes!

[Video Link: Figure Skating for Hockey Players: Episode 1]

jules @juliaaaber ● June 21, 2015

ok but tell me why he’s lowkey good

Violet @sk4tingf4n ● June 21, 2015

you’re telling me we could have had SHANE HOLLANDER, the prince of wasia, to represent Canadian figure skating and instead we have JJ LEROY

Violet @sk4tingf4n ● June 21, 2015

this is literally so unfair

Joe McLennan @jmclennan ● June 21, 2015

He’s always been an incredible skater, even when we were in mites.

 

Violet @sk4tingf4n ● June 21, 2015

2x Worlds Bronze Medalist & GPF Finalist Joe McLennan??? In mites??? with Shane Hollander???

 

Joe McLennan @jmclennan ● June 21, 2015

Yeah lol he comes by the rink whenever he’s in town.

Hockey Analyst @hockeyanalyst ● June 21, 2015

Hollander is a true athlete. Humble about his skills even while he shows mastery.

 

Brad @bearshockeyi$lyfe ● June 21, 2015

he should be focusing on hockey

 

~ alice ~ @shanehollanderstick ● June 21, 2015

Did we watch the same video? He just won the Stanley Cup, Brad. 

 

STANLEY CUP CHAMPIONS!! @voysareno1 ● June 21, 2015

Shane Hollander CARRIED his team through that playoff run

Milaaa @sk8grl ● June 21, 2015

this can’t just be cross training. he’s worked with figure skaters to build that routine.

isa @belltolls ● June 21, 2015

ikr like those figures were literal perfection

 

queen sara crispino @queensaraa ● June 21, 2015

and it’s familiar enough that he can teach it? man is a skating machine

Riya @grlplzslp ● June 21, 2015

this is asmr

First Cup Since 1998! @shanesboy ● June 21, 2015

right?? like i could fall asleep to this man quietly talking and skating in complete silence. it’s so peaceful

Dave @davenpuck ● June 21, 2015

It’s a little weird for a hockey player to be trying to teach figure skating

Hockey Analyst @hockeyanalyst ● June 21, 2015

All of the reasons you are wrong about this: 🧵

1. He says it’s not an instructional video within a minute of starting.

 

Hockey Analyst @hockeyanalyst ● June 21, 2015

1. He spends the entire first half of the video explaining why each skill is applicable to hockey and how he uses it.

 

Hockey Analyst @hockeyanalyst ● June 21, 2015

1. Most of the skills he shows are fundamentals that are useful to any skater.

 

Hockey Analyst @hockeyanalyst ● June 21, 2015

1. Despite being very competent at every skill that he demonstrates, he clearly states that he’s not a professional.

 

Hockey Analyst @hockeyanalyst ● June 21, 2015

1. Based on how methodical he is about it, this is clearly part of his regular practice routine.

 

Hockey Analyst @hockeyanalyst ● June 21, 2015

1. Shane Hollander is one of the best, if not THE best hockey player in the world right now. He’s downplaying his own skill in this video.

 

Hockey Analyst @hockeyanalyst ● June 21, 2015

     7. In conclusion, Hollander is very good at what he does, absolutely deserves kudos for it, and you are a blind, inept loser.

eva | viktor’s girl @nikiforeva ● June 22, 2015

ok but why does this seem familiar? i could have sworn i’ve seen this before

jess @agameofjess ● June 22, 2015

girl it came out yesterday

 

eva | viktor’s girl @nikiforeva ● June 22, 2015

i know that

 

eva | viktor’s girl @nikiforeva ● June 22, 2015

that’s what i’m trying to figure out

 

Katsuki Yuuri Fan Club President @katsuki_fc ● June 22, 2015

is this what you’re looking for?

[Video Link: Warm-Ups with @y-katsuki - phichitchulanont]

Chapter End Notes

I hope you liked it! Feel free to tell me what you think!

Quick Notes:

- Making this the Eastern Conference Finals is deliberate; Boston and Montreal can't ever compete directly for the Stanley Cup as members of the same division.
- This game plays out towards the end of the 2014-2015 figure skating season, in which Viktor came to coach Yuuri and Yuuri won second at the GPF. Worlds has already happened.
- I did a fair amount of research into both hockey and figure skating to write this; let me know if you see any inaccuracies that I can correct.
- As far as I can tell, everything that Shane does on hockey skates is possible, if not something hockey players regularly do. The double axel is a little bit out there, but again, this is a work of fiction.

Chapter 2

Chapter Summary

Violet @sk4tingf4n ● June 22, 2015
UMMM…
[Video Link: Figure Skating for Hockey Players: Episode 1 - Montreal Voyageurs]
[Video Link: Warm-Ups with @y-katsuki - phichitchulanont]

Chapter Notes

FALL 2013

Warm-Ups with @y-katsuki - phichitchulanont

[The video opens on 18-year-old Phichit Chulanont quietly but excitedly talking to the camera while sitting in the stands of an ice rink.]

PHICHIT CHULANONT: Hiii! I’m back with another vlog but Ciao Ciao is making me rest my ankle so you guys get to watch Yuuri today! It’s early so the rink is pretty empty.

[The camera switches to show a lone skater dressed in black, skating compulsory figures on the ice. The figure turns to face the camera, and the face of Katsuki Yuuri is shown.]

PC: He has headphones in, so I’ll keep it down so he doesn’t catch me.

[Katsuki continues doing compulsory figures for several minutes with different turns, occasionally retrying them if he deems one imperfect.]

PC: [emotional sniff] He’s so dedicated.

[Katsuki starts doing laps of the rink on one foot, power pushing and pulling his way around.]

PC: This is around when the fan club comes in.

[Chulanont moves the camera to face the entrance near the corner of the rink, where a few of the other skaters trained by Celestino Cialdini have entered and taken seats near the ice.]

PC: I’m texting them to be quiet today for the vlog.

[Chulanont moves the camera back to following Katsuki on the ice, where he has transitioned from power pulls into step sequences.]

PC: Look at him. A wild Katsuki Yuuri in his native habitat.

[Katsuki begins practicing spins, with variations in each spin position. He performs a combination which ends in a Biellmann several times. His final combination transitions from a camel spin into a donut before he comes out of it and performs a butterfly jump.]

PC: Here he goes!

[Katsuki begins performing jumps in the following order: toe loop, flip, lutz, loop, salchow, and axel, going from singles to triples. Each is performed precisely and near perfectly if not perfectly; he performs a quad toe loop at the end, just as the relative silence in the rink is broken.]

CELESTINO CIALDINI: Good morning, Yuuri! I see you’ve gotten an early start!

[The video ends as Katsuki slips while turning to see Cialdini and lands on his back on the ice.]

SUMMER 2015

The phone rings, startling Yuuri awake. Viktor groans next to him, rolling over and shoving his nose into the crook of Yuuri’s neck.

Yuuri squints through the darkness as he gropes for the phone to turn it off. He slams the power button with his thumb, letting the room grow dark and quiet again.

For a moment, there’s silence.

Then the phone rings again, shattering the early morning reverie that Yuuri rarely gets to enjoy.

This time, Yuuri sits up, shifting Viktor back onto his own pillow.

Against his better judgement, he accepts the call and holds the phone up to his ear.

“YUURI—” Phichit’s voice comes blasting out of the phone speakers, and Yuuri jerks the phone away, afraid for his hearing. 

“Phichit?” He asks sleepily. “It’s three in the morning here. What’s going on?”

“Have you been consorting with hockey players?” The sheer fear in Phichit’s voice should be more of a warning sign than it is. Unfortunately for Phichit, Yuuri has been his friend for the last three years. It is also three o’clock in the morning.

“No?” Yuuri says. “We’re in Hasetsu right now. I haven’t even talked to the hockey players at SCC.” Let alone consorted, whatever Phichit means by that.

“Not them,” Phichit says, dragging the words out. “This Canadian guy, Shane Hollander. You’re trending on Twitter with him.”

“Shane?” Yuuri asks, a little more awake. “I haven’t seen him since before I left Detroit, Phichit. Did something happen?”

“So you know this guy,” Phichit says.

“Yes?” Yuuri says, baffled. “You’ve met him before.”

“I have? When?”

“He came by the rink when he had games in Detroit. Don’t you remember him talking to Joe? They used to play together.”

“Joe played hockey? Whatever, Yuuri. This is about you talking to Shane, not Joe.”

“What’s wrong with me talking to Shane?”

“He’s a hockey player, for one. But you didn’t tell me about it!”

Yuuri takes a deep breath in through his nose and gets out of bed, padding downstairs to the living room as he talks. “Well, given that you’ve been face to face with him, I didn’t think I needed to.”

“Yuuriii—” Phichit drags his name out for a solid while as Yuuri patiently waits. “—iiiiiiii—”

“You met him the first time when you met Yuna-oba,” Yuuri interrupts.

“Yuna-oba? Your aunt? I met her and your cousin Shun when they came for Skate Canada…wait.”

Yuuri waits.

“Your cousin Shun.”

“Yes.”

Yuuri holds the phone away from his ear again as an earsplitting shriek comes through the speakers. 

“KATSUKI YUURI!”

“Yes, Phichit?”

“You mean to tell me that your Canadian cousin is a professional hockey player? A FAMOUS professional hockey player?”

“Yes,” Yuuri says, “and you’ve met him.” Just to rub it in a little bit.

“Why did I not know this? Yuuri, you’ve deprived me of critical opportunities for the channel! I can’t believe you!”

“Phichit, he’s on billboards,” Yuuri says. “I thought you would notice.”

“You’re on billboards.”

“In Hasetsu, sure. He’s a Rolex ambassador, Phichit. Yuna-oba does all of his brand deals. And anyway, you’ve skated with him, remember? We worked through my warm-up routine and he was learning jumps. He gave me recommendations for stamina-building exercises.”

Phichit goes quiet for a minute. Yuuri hears some clacking on the other end, like he’s aggressively typing on a computer keyboard.

“Phichit?”

“I need you to not freak out.”

“What do I have to freak out about? Phichit, this entire conversation has been concerning.”

“Histeampostedavideoofhimdoingyourwarmuproutineandnowpeoplearetryingtoconnectyou.”

“What?” 

“His team posted a video of him figure skating and doing your warm up routine and the skating fans have found it and are going crazy about it.”

Violet @sk4tingf4n ● June 22, 2015

UMMM…

[Video Link: Figure Skating for Hockey Players: Episode 1 - Montreal Voyageurs]

[Video Link: Warm-Ups with @y-katsuki - phichitchulanont]

Violet @sk4tingf4n ● June 22, 2015

it’s literally exactly the same just leveled down. does shane watch phichit? does shane watch phichit for yuuri content?

 

jess @agameofjess ● June 22, 2015

does phichit know about this? 

 

Still Not Over It @kyuuripookie ● June 22, 2015

does YUURI know about this??

 

james @faceoffking ● June 22, 2015

legendary crossover

 

ella @axelbabe ● June 22, 2015

look at the timing on those jumps. down to the second.

 

Drew @hockiboii ● June 22, 2015

calm down it’s not that similar

 

Violet @sk4tingf4n ● June 22, 2015

it is though???

[GIF: Katsuki Yuuri performing a combination spin: camel spin into a donut before gliding into a butterfly jump]

[GIF: Shane Hollander performing a combination spin: camel spin into a donut before gliding into a butterfly jump]

* loren * @hornander ● June 22, 2015

nah cuz why he out here doin allat

[Image: Screencap of Shane Hollander from Figure Skating for Hockey Players: Episode 1, at the peak of his split jump]

Davie @daveonin ● June 22, 2015

i might have to book me some tickets to the boy aquarium if they out here like this

 

~ alice ~ @shanehollanderstick ● June 22, 2015

no shane’s a special boy

 

jules @juliaaaber ● June 22, 2015

they do be gettin down though

[Image: Shane Hollander, Hayden Pike, and J.J. Boiziau performing hockey stretches]

Gilbert Maxwell @coachgilmax ● June 22, 2015

Honestly though it’s a solid primer. I might use this for my U13s.

Mina @yuurisno1fan ● June 22, 2015

my poor yuuri…he’s being slandered :( my man would never be out here with a hockey player

Joey @Puckwizard456 ● June 22, 2015

Shane Hollander is THE best hockey player in the world rn (objectively) and your “poor yuuri” is barely relevant

 

Joey @Puckwizard456 ● June 22, 2015

yall out here putting dirt on shane hollander’s good name when he is THE asian canadian king 

 

Mina @yuurisno1fan ● June 22, 2015

excuse me you had better not be talking down on my man yuuri katsuki, literal sunshine, GPF silver medalist and Worlds gold medalist

 

Mina @yuurisno1fan ● June 22, 2015

he made the comeback of the CENTURY and y’all are out here idolizing a hockey player who can barely do doubles

 

Mina @yuurisno1fan ● June 22, 2015

his nickname is Japan’s Ace. one of the most venerated athletes of an entire nation. and internationally

 

mrs.hollander @shanehollanderswife ● June 22, 2015

oh shane my unproblematic king they’re trying to drag you down but we all know better

 

mrs.hollander @shanehollanderswife ● June 22, 2015

Shane Hollander is a household name in Canada and the Northern US. Rolex and Reebok ambassador. King of my Heart.

 

mrs.hollander @shanehollanderswife ● June 22, 2015

went to the olympics as a captain and WON GOLD for Canada and then won the Stanley Cup the following year

 

mrs.hollander @shanehollanderswife ● June 22, 2015

not to mention he’s done nothing to yuuri? he hasn’t said anything. he’s even said he thinks he’s not qualified enough to be a figure skater

 

mrs.hollander @shanehollanderswife ● June 22, 2015

even though he definitely could. if this is how good he is just doing it as cross training? he’d break the figure skating world

 

Mina @yuurisno1fan ● June 22, 2015

calm down he’s not that good

 

Mina @yuurisno1fan ● June 22, 2015

he looks like a refrigerator on the ice. way too big to be trying to be a figure skater.

 

mrs.hollander @shanehollanderswife ● June 22, 2015

this is exactly why shane doesn't think he's qualified to be a figure skater. assholes like you trying to police who can and can't skate

Shane Hollander Thirst @shanehollandersass ● June 22, 2015

my boi out here lookin thiccer than a snicker

[GIF: Shane Hollander in compression gear, landing a single lutz with his back to the camera. The GIF slows down as he lands, emphasizing the movement (read: jiggle) of his thighs]

Shane Hollander Thirst @shanehollandersass ● June 22, 2015

lawd those hockey pants really were hiding everything

 

Shane Hollander Thirst @shanehollandersass ● June 22, 2015

double cheeked up on a sunday afternoon

 

Shane Hollander Thirst @shanehollandersass ● June 22, 2015

man’s got a damn bakery and he doesn’t even eat cake

 

lily @lilybestbackhand ● June 22, 2015

i would die happy between those thighs

 

lily @lilybestbackhand ● June 22, 2015

what is thiccer than a snicker?

 

Shane Hollander Thirst @shanehollandersass ● June 22, 2015

lollll lily it means he got a fatty

 

lily @lilybestbackhand ● June 22, 2015

what does this mean? Shane is not fat

 

lily @lilybestbackhand ● June 22, 2015

perfectly shaped

 

Shane Hollander Thirst @shanehollandersass ● June 22, 2015

he’s got a dump truck lils

 

lily @lilybestbackhand ● June 22, 2015

you are saying he has truck? he only drives boring car

 

Shane Hollander Thirst @shanehollandersass ● June 22, 2015

i’m saying he has an incredible ass

 

lily @lilybestbackhand ● June 22, 2015

oh

 

lily @lilybestbackhand ● June 22, 2015

yes he does have incredible ass

 

lily @lilybestbackhand ● June 22, 2015

perfectly shaped

Figure Skating for Hockey Players: Episode 2 featuring Montreal Voyageurs Captains

[Video opens in the stands of an ice rink where Shane Hollander, Hayden Pike, and J.J. Boiziau sit in a row. Boiziau and Pike look visibly excited, while Hollander has an annoyed expression on his face.]

SHANE HOLLANDER: Hello, everyone. Welcome back to Figure Skating for Hockey Players. I’m here with my alternate captains, [deep sigh] to teach them how to figure skate.

HAYDEN PIKE: We’re the lucky ones. The whole team wanted to be here but Shane said he wasn’t going to teach everyone.

SH: The season just ended. I’m not dragging everyone in here, not when half of them are still hungover from the parade.

J.J. BOIZIAU: Will you dance for us, Capitaine?

[Hollander puts a hand over his face, then drags it down as he stands up.]

SH: We’ll start with warm up stretches, on camera this time.

[The camera view changes to show Hollander, Pike, and Boiziau on the ground. Hollander is completely bent over in a forward fold, forehead touching his knees, while Boiziau and Pike touch their toes and look over at Hollander]

SH: [slightly muffled] Figure skating tends to have more emphasis on flexibility and mobility where hockey has an emphasis on power and speed. 

HP: Shane, you’re talking to your knees.

[Hollander unfolds into an upright position before dragging his legs out into a straddle split. He scoots his hips forward until his legs are parallel to his torso, adjusting subtly before he sits back.]

SH: Opening up your hips and knees is important, but you don’t want to overstretch. Warm up in a range that is comfortable for you. Overworking your joints before exercise can lead to further injury.

JB: Looking like a goalie there, Capitaine.

[Hollander shoots Boiziau a look before he tucks in his left knee and pushes into a deep lateral lunge, shifting from side to side before he switches to forward lunges. Pike and Boiziau follow him, making effortful noises when they try to imitate the depth of his lunges.]

HP: How did you get this flexible? You don’t do this normally.

SH: [deadpan] Yoga.

[Hollander bends his left leg in front of him, and with his right leg behind him, brings his foot towards back of his head.]

JB: Crisse.

[Hollander unbends, getting back to his feet as he stretches out his arms and twists his torso to either side.]

[The camera suddenly speeds up, fast-forwarding through Hollander stretching while Pike and Boiziau do their best to mimic him.]

SH: Alright. Now that we’re warmed up, let’s get out on the ice.

[The camera follows Hollander before returning to the stands, where Pike and Boiziau start putting their skates on and going out onto the ice.]

SH: I trust that you guys can skate, but be careful when you fall. Protect yourself. Recovering well is a skill.

[Hollander drops forward as if his skates slid out from beneath him. He tucks his head in and turns to the side, impacting the ice with his hip while his hands clench into fists.]

SH: Don’t fight it, protect your head and hands, and roll if you can. We don't have pads to take the impact.

[Hollander stands back up, getting his skates under him quickly]

JB: When we fall? Capitaine, we will not fall. We are professionals.

[Screen reads: Famous last words.]

SH: If you say so. We’re starting with compulsory figures. Drawing circles. The goal is to control the movement on each of your edges as you go around.

[Hollander goes first, creating a neat circle on each side as he transitions between skates.]

SH: Now you guys try it.

[The screen splits to show both Pike and Boiziau skating circles at the same time. Their circles are not as neat as Shane’s but still reasonably done.]

SH: Not bad. Figure eights.

[The cycle repeats, with Hollander demonstrating and the alternate captains following afterward.]

HP: Shane, this looked a lot less boring when you did it last time.

SH: You asked me to teach you figure skating. This is figure skating.

JB: We meant the jumps and spins and interesting things.

SH: You have to start from the fundamentals. Edge control is very important. I don’t want you guys to be risking injury…where are you going?

[Pike and Boiziau pause from where they have started gliding away.]

SH: You were the ones who wanted me to teach you. I can just go home.

HP: Fine. We’ll keep doing figures.

SH: You know the whole point is to be able to draw on the ice, right?

[Hollander launches off, skating two circles next to one another before stepping over and skating two long straight lines, then extending slightly outward before coming to a stop with his toes pointed together. Pike and Boiziau look down at the ice and start laughing hysterically. The camera stays parallel and does not show Hollander’s newest figure.]

[The camera cuts to show all three captains in a row once again, Hollander looking faintly victorious as Pike and Boiziau look calmer, but still on the verge of laughter.]

SH: Fine. Now that we’re done with figures, we’re doing power pulls. We’ll start on two skates, then transition to one.

[Hollander demonstrates power pulls going forwards and backwards, shifting in semi circles around a set of cones on the ice.]

HP: This doesn’t look that bad.

[Pike and Boiziau imitate Hollander’s path through the cones, a little slower and less precise.]

SH: Again.

[Hollander goes through the cones again, this time going forwards and backwards on each foot before coming to a stop.]

[Pike goes after Hollander, managing most of the course before he catches an edge going backwards on his right foot. He hits the ice shoulder first, rolling to soften the impact.]

HP: OW! F—!

SH: Swear jar!

JB: [laughs]

SH: Don’t start laughing now, J.J., you have to do it too.

[After Pike gets to his feet, rolling out his shoulder, Boiziau takes on the cones. He goes slower than Pike, making it all the way through without injury.]

JB: It’s not that hard, Hayden.

HP: Get f—ed, J.J.

SH: Swear jar, Hayden. Am I going to have to call Jackie?

HP: No.

SH: Alright. Again.

[Hollander goes through the cones once more, this time, changing direction every two cones or so.]

[Pike and Boiziau follow after him, this time with Boiziau falling in a turn.]

JB: Calisse!

HP: Swear jar!

SH: Do you get why I said be careful now?

HP: Yes Shane.

JB: Yes Capitaine.

SH: Are you ready for laps?

HP & JB: Laps?

[Hollander starts doing laps of the rink with power pulls / pushes. As Pike and Boiziau follow, the camera fast forwards as they pass by multiple times.]

[Screen reads: 30 Minutes Later]

[Hollander stands next to Boiziau and Pike, serenely drinking water while Pike and Boiziau pant next to him.]

HP: Jesus Christ Shane. How often do you do these? 

SH: Every few days when I come in early for practice. I alternate with accuracy practice. More during the offseason. Why?

JB: It’s worse than being on the ice for a period.

SH: Of course? You might not be going as intensely but it’s still cardio. And there are no shift changes. I might talk to Coach about adding these as a drill; they’re great for building endurance and edge control at the same time. If you set up pucks instead of the cones and try to pass while you’re running the course, it makes you think about your body placement and awareness.

[Pike and Boiziau stare at Hollander in silence.]

SH: What?

[Pike and Boiziau stare down the camera with fear in their eyes.]

HP: [mouthing] Help us.

SH: Alright. It’s time for spins. There are three main positions for spins: upright, camel, and sit spin. 

[Hollander demonstrates each basic spin position, performing 4-6 rotations in each position.]

SH: We’ll start with the upright spin. What you’ll need to do is build off of your moment of inertia from a pirouette and then tuck in to increase your speed.

HP: F—ing what?

SH & JB: Swear jar!

SH: Okay that isn’t going to work. Try and give me one revolution.

[Pike and Boiziau attempt one turn, wobbling slightly as they come around.]

SH: You need to give it more power.

[Hollander does one pirouette and comes to a stop.]

SH: Split the difference between doing it on dry land and doing it on ice. Hmm.

[Camera view changes to show Hollander, Pike, and Boiziau off the ice, in the same area in which they did warm-up stretches.]

SH: Try it here.

[Hollander has taken off his skates. In socks, he performs a single controlled pirouette.]

HP: Bro.

SH: Aren’t your daughters in baby ballet? Do a pirouette, man. Be a good father.

JB: He’s got you there.

SH: You both have to do it.

[Pike underpowers the pirouette slightly and ends up bouncing out of it. Boiziau leans as he turns and nearly falls over.]

SH: You have to mediate the power going into it. There’s a lot less friction on the ice. Hayden, you need to keep your core tighter and more balanced over your turning foot. Have you checked your balance lately on that ankle? I know you had that sprain… anyway, J.J., you’re very tall.

JB: Merci, capitaine. You are not, but you are handsome and talented—

SH: [interrupting] And because you’re very tall, you have to be more mindful of where your center of balance is. If you lean while turning you’re much more prone to tipping. Keep yourself centered. We do a lot of turning around like this on the ice—if you can do it in skates you can do it on dry land. 

HP: Shane it’s a little different than what we normally do.

SH: …

SH: It’s not that different. We’re athletes. Body control is part of the deal.

SH: I’d say you guys should try the turnboard but I really don’t trust you with it.

JB: Turnboard?

[The shot changes to show Hollander standing on a small rectangle. He initiates a turn, spinning rapidly before he puts his foot down to stop. He steps off the turnboard lightly.]

SH: If you guys can’t manage a pirouette I’m not letting you try it.

[The camera shows a short montage of Pike and Boiziau attempting pirouettes.]

[Screen reads: They did not get to try the turnboard.]

[The montage ends with Hollander, Pike, and Boiziau back on the ice, arrayed in a row.]

SH: Since you guys have more of an idea of what we’re doing now, I think you can see what a combination looks like.

[Hollander initiates a pirouette, tucking his arms into himself and raising them above his head before dropping into a sit spin, then coming back up, arms gently outstretched. Pike and Boiziau attempt to imitate him, falling over each other in the process. Both alternate captains hit the ice face first.]

[The camera zooms in on Hollander facepalming as cursing and yelling is heard from off-camera]

SH: I said you can see what a combination looks like. Not attempt it.

[Hollander leans down to Pike and Boiziau and begins to check if they are alright.]

SH: [Admin] I think we should stop here. I need to get these guys to the trainers.

[The video ends as Hollander helps Pike and Boiziau to their feet, slinging their arms over his shoulders as he starts to skate towards the exit.]

Chapter End Notes

I hope you liked it! Thank you to everyone who has commented and left kudos--I love getting to share the things I love with you all.

Quick Notes:

- This world is somewhat of a mix between YoI and the GCU canon with some additional details, like the fact that I made Canada win gold in Sochi.
- Shane's name in Japanese is Shun, meaning excellent or talented. If we assume he uses Yuna's maiden name when using his Japanese name, it's written like so: 勝生 俊 or Katsuki Shun.
- Ilya's twitter handle is lovingly borrowed from Ilya Rozanov's secret ao3 account by Candetrona
- I utilized irrationalpie's texting workskin for the texts. It should still read legibly if you have creator's style hidden, but I recommend having it on.

Chapter 3

Chapter Summary

Shane pulls into his parents’ driveway with a sense of peace he’s only ever felt at his cottage in Lanaudière.

When he opens the door to find his mother on the phone, that sense of peace starts to dissipate.

Chapter Notes

Montreal Voyageurs @MontrealVoyageurs

Our captains have returned to the ice for a figure skating demo!

Nos capitaines sont de retour sur la glace pour une démonstration de patinage artistique!

[Video Link: Figure Skating for Hockey Players: Episode 2]

eliza @montrealgirlzz ● June 28, 2015

I—

eliza @montrealgirlzz ● June 28, 2015

and if I said this is why the voyageurs won the cup

 

~ alice ~ @shanehollanderstick ● June 28, 2015

you would be correct

 

~ alice ~ @shanehollanderstick ● June 28, 2015

the way he talks about safety and control? jesus christ

 

jules @juliaaaber ● June 28, 2015

he’s like a tired dad corralling his toddlers

 

jules @juliaaaber ● June 28, 2015

letting them fuck around and find out? that’s my captain

 

eliza @montrealgirlzz ● June 28, 2015

have you seen him with hayden’s kids?

 

[Image: Shane Hollander gently cradling newborn Arthur Pike on his forearm, his bicep larger than the baby’s head]

[Image: Shane Hollander from the back, holding hands with Hayden Pike’s twin daughters Ruby and Jade Pike as they walk down a sidewalk.]

 

jules @juliaaaber ● June 28, 2015

excuse me daddy? sorry. daddy? sorry. daddy? sorry.

 

* loren * @hornander ● June 28, 2015

i’m ovulating

Shane Hollander Thirst @shanehollandersass ● June 28, 2015

hrnghhh

[Image: Shane Hollander completely bent over in a forward fold, forehead to knees]

[Image: Shane Hollander in a straddle split, hands placed in front of him]

Shane Hollander Thirst @shanehollandersass ● June 28, 2015

his backkkk

 

Shane Hollander Thirst @shanehollandersass ● June 28, 2015

thighssss

 

Shane Hollander Thirst @shanehollandersass ● June 28, 2015

unf unf unf

 

Shane Hollander Thirst @shanehollandersass ● June 28, 2015

i need him

 

lily @lilybestbackhand ● June 28, 2015

back? thighs? what about arms? face? freckles?

 

Shane Hollander Thirst @shanehollandersass ● June 28, 2015

that too omg lily

 

Hockey Analyst @hockeyanalyst ● June 28, 2015

This series is pure proof of Shane Hollander’s incredible work ethic. His consistency is the work of years of dedication.

Hockey Analyst @hockeyanalyst ● June 28, 2015

His focus is always the greater goal. Even after winning the Stanley Cup, he’s still considering additions to drills and improving his team.

 

Hockey Analyst @hockeyanalyst ● June 28, 2015

Behind all that is his skating. I have often wondered where the precision that defines his style comes from, and this is a major component.

 

Hockey Analyst @hockeyanalyst ● June 28, 2015

It’s a good argument for teaching skills across skating disciplines. Hollander is an admirable figure for choosing to expand his horizons.

 

Hockey Analyst @hockeyanalyst ● June 28, 2015

Additionally, this is an excellent show of the benefits of mobility work and preventative conditioning.

 

Hockey Analyst @hockeyanalyst ● June 28, 2015

Hollander’s ability to bounce back from injury is remarkable; it’s clear that he takes his body and recovery seriously.

 

Dave @davenpuck ● June 28, 2015

oh my god dude just say you want to fuck him and let it go

 

Hockey Analyst @hockeyanalyst ● June 28, 2015

Excuse me?

 

Dave @davenpuck ● June 28, 2015

i said what i said

 

Dave @davenpuck ● June 28, 2015

you’re so far up his ass you won’t admit he’s only gotten this far as a diversity hire

 

Mina @yuurisno1fan ● June 28, 2015

I can’t believe they’re still doing this

Mina @yuurisno1fan ● June 28, 2015

like what the hell

 

Mina @yuurisno1fan ● June 28, 2015

they could have taken the opportunity to work with an actual figure skater

 

Mina @yuurisno1fan ● June 28, 2015

but instead this overexposed refrigerator is out here teaching his idiot friends

 

Mina @yuurisno1fan ● June 28, 2015

this is why i hate hockey players

 

Mina @yuurisno1fan ● June 28, 2015

they’ve made a joke out of figure skating. no respect for the art at all.

 

Mina @yuurisno1fan ● June 28, 2015

bunch of stupid men flailing around

 

Milaaa @sk8grl ● June 28, 2015

Mina you need to calm down

 

mrs.hollander @shanehollanderswife ● June 28, 2015

you again? i thought we settled this last time. you’re a petty bitch who cares more about gatekeeping than anything else

 

mrs.hollander @shanehollanderswife ● June 28, 2015

how are you out here fatshaming one of the most fit athletes in the world

 

mrs.hollander @shanehollanderswife ● June 28, 2015

your head is so far up your ass that you can’t see anything but shit

 

Mina @yuurisno1fan ● June 28, 2015

literally kys

 

Joey @Puckwizard456 ● June 28, 2015

ur fav sucks lol

 

Milly <3 @ilyaaaaas ● June 28, 2015

i know i’m a boston girlie but goddamn

selena @rozanovae ● June 28, 2015

milly no

 

selena @rozanovae ● June 28, 2015

you can’t leave me for the dark side

 

selena @rozanovae ● June 28, 2015

have you forgotten that shane hollander is a sexless robot

 

selena @rozanovae ● June 28, 2015

a cardboard boy someone animated to make into a hockey player

 

Milly <3 @ilyaaaaas ● June 28, 2015

ik but this is making me rethink that

 

Milly <3 @ilyaaaaas ● June 28, 2015

sel i need you to look me in the eyes and tell me it makes you feel nothing

 

selena @rozanovae ● June 28, 2015

nothing but pure fire and hatred!

 

selena @rozanovae ● June 28, 2015

what would rozy think???

 

Milly <3 @ilyaaaaas ● June 28, 2015

idk but i’d hope he’d respect my conflicted feelings

 

Milly <3 @ilyaaaaas ● June 28, 2015

and that ass

 

Milly <3 @ilyaaaaas ● June 28, 2015

anyone can appreciate that ass

 

Milly <3 @ilyaaaaas ● June 28, 2015

i just didn’t realize shane hollander could be hot

 

selena @rozanovae ● June 28, 2015

you know full well that rozy’s ass is better

isa @belltolls ● June 28, 2015

i wish they had invited JJ :(

jess @agameofjess ● June 28, 2015

he’s in the video??

 

[Image: J.J. Boiziau falling while doing power pulls]

 

isa @belltolls ● June 28, 2015

girl

 

isa @belltolls ● June 28, 2015

JJ Leroy? GPF Bronze Medalist? Son of Alain & Nathalie Leroy? Pride of Canadian figure skating? Ringing any bells?

 

[Image: J.J. Leroy holding up his gold medal from Skate Canada]

 

isa @belltolls ● June 28, 2015

famously grew up in montreal even though he’s studying in toronto now??

 

isa @belltolls ● June 28, 2015

he’s done exhibitions at the bell centre???

 

jess @agameofjess ● June 28, 2015

girl it’s such short notice and anyway why would they call in JJ to collaborate when Shane can teach just fine

 

isa @belltolls ● June 28, 2015

bc he’s one of the best figure skaters in the world rn??? it would be a great opportunity on both ends

 

jess @agameofjess ● June 28, 2015

ok but consider this

 

jess @agameofjess ● June 28, 2015

it would be super confusing to have two JJs in the same video

 

jess @agameofjess ● June 28, 2015

JJ and his family are a dynasty of figure skaters and famously do not like hockey

 

jess @agameofjess ● June 28, 2015

have you ever seen JJ Leroy? Ever? his personality is the size of a skyscraper, and his ego’s even bigger

 

jess @agameofjess ● June 28, 2015

do you want to subject Shane Hollander to that?

 

isa @belltolls ● June 28, 2015

you know they met up at the olympics right?

 

[Image: Shane Hollander in his Team Canada fleece, posing for a picture with the Team Canada men’s singles figure skaters, including Joe McLennan, Patrick Chan, and JJ Leroy]

 

isa @belltolls ● June 28, 2015

here’s him watching in the crowd

 

[Image: Shane Hollander sitting with Carter Vaughn and Scott Hunter during the 2014 Olympics]

 

isa @belltolls ● June 28, 2015

shane is a grown man. captain of the montreal voyageurs. i’m sure he could handle JJ Leroy.

Violet @sk4tingf4n ● June 28, 2015

where did he get the turnboard from

Violet @sk4tingf4n ● June 28, 2015

how is he that good. who designed him. 

 

Violet @sk4tingf4n ● June 28, 2015

Yuna Hollander I Must Know How You Produced This Man

 

Violet @sk4tingf4n ● June 28, 2015

this man is BOOKED and BUSY and yet he can throw a double axel out of nowhere

 

Violet @sk4tingf4n ● June 28, 2015

oh yeah and all of the other jumps too, no big deal

 

Violet @sk4tingf4n ● June 28, 2015

he’s out here doing donuts and split jumps while his friends are touching their toes

 

Violet @sk4tingf4n ● June 28, 2015

i swear i’m going insane

 

Violet @sk4tingf4n ● June 28, 2015

i’ve been a skater for my entire life and i’m still working on my double axel

 

Violet @sk4tingf4n ● June 28, 2015

and he can just pull it out like that? so unfair

 

Violet @sk4tingf4n ● June 28, 2015

and he knows so many figure skaters like team canada obviously

 

Violet @sk4tingf4n ● June 28, 2015

childhood friends with joe mclennan

 

Violet @sk4tingf4n ● June 28, 2015

and he HAS to have some connection to phichit chulanont and yuuri katsuki too bc the technical work?

 

Violet @sk4tingf4n ● June 28, 2015

it’s too precise to be learned from a video. he learned that in person.

 

eva @nikiforeva ● June 28, 2015

he and his parents went to skate canada a couple of years ago when yuuri was still with celestino

[Instagram Link: yunakhollander - Skate Canada!]

 

Violet @sk4tingf4n ● June 28, 2015

fucking what

 

Violet @sk4tingf4n ● June 28, 2015

[Image: Charlie Day ‘Pepe Silvia’ Conspiracy Meme]

JULY 2015

Shane pulls into his parents’ driveway with a sense of peace he’s only ever felt at his cottage in Lanaudière.

When he opens the door to find his mother on the phone, that sense of peace starts to dissipate. 

When she hangs up, Shane is sitting on the couch while David bustles around in the kitchen.

“How was the cottage?” she asks, tucking her phone into a pocket as she rounds the corner of the couch.

“Quiet,” he says, savoring the word. “Perfect. The designer did a great job.”

“Good. I’m glad.” She hesitates for a moment. “I know you’re on break from social media right now…”

“Why…did something happen?” Shane starts going through his brain about anything the internet could have possibly dug up on him. No drugs, no gambling, no fighting, nothing comes to mind.

Except Rozanov.

Yuna bites her lip. “Have you talked to Yuuri lately?”

The deep sense of relief that hits is enough for Shane to forget the question for a moment. “I texted him good luck for Worlds and he congratulated me on winning the Cup, but we haven’t called or anything. I thought he was busy with his new coach that Hiroko-oba was so excited about.”

“You might want to reach out to him. You know that figure skating series you’ve been doing with the social team?”

“Mom, I thought I said we were done with those. It was already bad enough that I did that axel during a playoff game. Now the entire MLH is going to chirp me for the rest of time.”

“Well they were already going to do that. It's part of the game,” Yuna says, reasonably. “It’s not a bad thing, Shane. It’s only a slight pivot for your image. It shows your dedication to your training. Your sponsors have loved it thus far.”

“I’m not a dancing monkey, Mom! You know why it’s just cross training for me.”

“I know, Shane.” She places a gentle hand on his back. “We’ve gotten off topic. Apparently, it’s gotten much more popular than expected. People are excited to see a different side of you, and showing that you have camaraderie with Hayden and J.J.? It’s good for you and the team. The team’s social media engagement has increased significantly.”

Shane takes a calming breath. Then another. “You brought up Yuuri like there was a problem.”

“Well it’s not a problem with him, per se.” She takes her phone back out and scrolls for a few seconds. “You did the training routine that you built with him and some skating fan connected it to Yuuri’s personal routine. Now the internet has been trying to connect the dots, and it’s gone to some interesting places.”

Shane Hollander & Yuuri Katsuki: New Faces of the Hockey / Figure Skating Rivalry

Ice and a Dream: Shane Hollander’s Surprising Figure Skating Idol 

Opinion: The One-Sport Athlete is a Thing of the Past

Heritage Over Homeland? Shane Hollander’s Friendship with Japanese Figure Skater

Too Different to Coexist: Interviews with MLH Players

“Farah only brought it to my attention yesterday, but apparently this has been going on since the videos first released.”

“Can’t we just put out a statement saying that we’re family and be done with it? I feel like that would take care of the issue.” To be completely honest, Shane doesn’t understand why it’s an issue in the first place. “We haven’t even publicly interacted in over a year.”

“People like their narratives, Shane. They’ve invented a history between you that doesn’t exist.”

Shane feels his stomach drop. If this is happening out of the blue…

…what happens when it’s something real?

Something dangerous?

Something he’s too afraid to acknowledge?

He chokes out, “Yeah, but they do that all the time. They did it when Hayden and Jackie got married and when J.J. got engaged. I don’t see why we can’t just clarify and call it a day.”

“You’ll need something more lasting than a simple statement. He’s coming to visit for a week this month. If you’re okay with it, we’ll film one more episode of Figure Skating for Hockey Players with Yuuri as a guest. It’ll shift the focus to collaboration between athletes and you can clearly state that you are cousins.”

“I don’t think we can guarantee a good result from that.”

“At the very least, it won’t be the mess of information that’s out there right now,” David says, walking in from the kitchen.

“The boys are never going to let me hear the end of it if they realize we’re doing another one and I don’t let them in on it.”

“So let them,” Yuna says gently. “They can watch from the stands. Sometimes letting them in can be a good thing. You enjoyed it with Hayden and J.J., right?”

“I guess," he says mulishly. "It was more fun when they weren't rude about it."

“If you make it clear that you aren’t embarrassed about it, they won’t have anything to chirp you with.”

Shane makes a noise of agreement with his mouth, but his mind rolls over the thought again and again.

What happens when it isn't harmless?

Yuri Plisetsky does not want to be anywhere near Viktor Nikiforov right now.

Not when Viktor is sighing every two minutes and longingly staring out at the rink.

Unfortunately, the usual fix to the old man’s pathetic sadness is gone. Katsudon, for whatever reason, is in Canada for a week. Something about a family reunion. They came back from Hasetsu and he was on a plane within a few hours.

That leaves Yuri here in St. Petersburg to deal with a Living Legend who is erring more on the side of dying, these days. 

“Are you going to get up and choreograph?” Yuri asks. Well, it’s more of a snarl. And he kicks Viktor in the side, once, maybe twice. A third time for good measure.

“Yurio, so mean,” Viktor laments. “My dear Yuuri is all alone in Canada and all you do is kick me? I should have gone with him.”

“Yeah, you should have,” Yuri says, attempting another kick. Unfortunately, Viktor catches his ankle this time. “I could have spent my week with Dedushka, but I’m here babysitting you.”

“Just leave me then,” Viktor says mournfully.

“Are you a fucking idiot? You’re choreographing my short program. I’m not leaving until I beat it out of you.”

The argument keeps them occupied enough that the deep voice speaking behind Yuri is a shock. “Nikiforov.”

In a second, Viktor is standing to his full height in front of Yuri. It doesn’t do much to obscure the figure, who is taller than Viktor and an order of magnitude wider. “Rozanov. To what do I owe the pleasure.”

The aforementioned Rozanov laughs. “What, no kind greeting for your countryman? I thought you were supposed to be polite.”

“I don’t have to be polite to a moskvich hockey player showing up in the middle of my training.”

“It does not look like there was much training happening.”

“Fuck off,” Yuri says, fighting his way out from behind Viktor. “We’re busy.”

Rozanov laughs again, delighted. “So this is your little successor then. The little tiger.”

“Fuck you I’m not little.”

Rozanov deliberately ignores Yuri. “Nikiforov, I have a favor to ask.”

Viktor sizes him up. “What could you possibly need from me that you cannot get yourself?”

“I need to learn how to figure skate.”

The silence that follows this statement lasts for a solid minute.

“Why?” Viktor practically whispers.

Rozanov pulls out his phone. “You know Shane Hollander, yes?”

“No?”

“Whatever. He is my rival. He has learned to figure skate. The internet thinks he has learned from your skater, the one you went to Japan for. Katsuki Yuuri.”

Rozanov plays two videos: one of Shane Hollander demonstrating figure skating skills, and one of Katsudon doing warm ups.

Viktor, squinting over the phone, says, “He has a good grasp of the skills. Remarkably graceful for his size. A shame he’s not competitive at the highest level, but he could manage ice dance if he took the time. Or ice galas.”

Rozanov yanks the phone away. “Yes, yes, I know this. I need you to teach me so I can beat him.”

“It would take me years to get you to that level. I would have to break the hockey out of you. Start from the beginning.”

“Please,” Rozanov wheedles. “Don’t you get it? My greatest rival has an advantage over me and you won’t spare a few hours?”

“Fuck. Off.” Yuri spits out. In response, Rozanov simply picks him up by the armpits and lets him hang in the air, kicking his legs. Viktor lets out a startled laugh, but doesn’t try to stop him. “Unhand me!”

“Angry little tigers go in air jail,” Rozanov coos, as if talking to a toddler. “Well Nikiforov? Will you do it?”

Viktor hums. “I need a real reason, Ilyusha.”

Yuri pauses, squirming where he’s still trapped by big calloused hands. “You know this guy?”

Rozanov’s voice gets low and quiet. “I think you should be able to tell by now, Vitya.”

They stare at each other for a few long moments while Yuri tries to wriggle out of air jail, unsuccessfully. 

Viktor gets a little glint in his eye. “Fine, yes, I will do it.”

“Yes!”

“On one condition.”

“What?” The look in Rozanov’s eyes is something adjacent to fear. Yuri doesn’t know what to call it.

“You let him,” Viktor nods to Yuri, “be the one to teach you.”

Rozanov cackles madly as Yuri yells, “Fuck you old man! Why are you saddling me with the hockey player?!”

“You said you didn’t want to babysit,” Viktor reminds him. “And besides, my dear Yuuri trained his rival. Don’t you want to say you did a better job?”

The fact that there’s logic to what Viktor is saying is almost unbelievable.

“Fine,” Yuri says. “Let me down. I’ll make you a figure skater.” He shakes a finger in Rozanov's face. "You had better be ready to go through hell, asshole!"

Rozanov puts him on the ground and follows him out to the rink, a bright smile on his face.

Chapter End Notes

I hope you liked it! Feel free to let me know what you think!

Quick Notes:

- Some of the memes and references are not precisely 2015 accurate. I'm prioritizing the vibes of this crack fic more than anything else.
- Viktor and Ilya know each other relatively well. Will I explain exactly how? No.
- Some of the skating fans' rants were inspired by your comments! Thank you to everyone who's given advice about figure skating!
- I was originally going to write the final scene from Viktor's POV, but then Yuri Plisetsky possessed me.

Chapter 4

Chapter Summary

SHANE HOLLANDER: Alright. Now that we’re on the ice, we’re going to focus on a few skills today: figures, power pulls, and basic jumps. Yuuri and I will give demos, and then everyone gets a chance to try. To make it interesting, our wonderful admin proposed that we make it a little bit of a competition. We’ll evaluate who’s done the best in each task and assign a winner at the end.

Chapter Notes

JULY 2015

“Again,” Yuri demands.

Rozanov picks himself up off of the ice and starts winding up for a pirouette. This time, he’s more purposeful about the placement of his limbs as he draws them in, staying centered. He comes to a clumsy stop after three rotations.

“Messy,” Yuri says. “You are flopping around like a fish. Control your lines.”

“You want me to be graceful like predator, yes? This is your aesthetic.” He points at Yuri’s jacket. “You have these prints. I have a shirt just like this. Vintage Gaultier. Good for the club.”

Yuri suppresses the urge to ask about it. 

Rozanov continues, “You are tiger. Tigryonok. I will be bear, for my team and for Mother Russia.” He taps on his left pec, where Yuri now knows the ugliest tattoo of all time sits. He wishes he didn’t know that fact.

Yuri hates that he’s starting to feel a kinship for this guy. Rozanov is so annoying. Big. Dumb. A literal puckhead. The antithesis of what Yuri should stand for as a figure skater.

And yet.

He has an intimidating glare that Yuri wishes he could replicate. He’s fallen about 50 times trying to do spins and somehow hasn’t gotten injured enough to stop.

He didn’t get mad when Yuri made him run fundamentals and compulsory figures without stopping. Or stop listening even though Yuri has started to get mean. Well. Meaner than usual.

Either this guy has no self-esteem at all, or he actually has some respect for Yuri’s opinion, even after he’s opened his mouth and yelled at him for two hours straight.

“You can’t be a bear, idiot. They’re too big and dumb to be on the ice.”

“That is not true. The polar bears live on the ice. But you are right. I am not small like you, tigryonok.” Rozanov shrugs. “It works differently when your proportions are different. I am heavier on top and bottom than you are. These lines you talk about, mine are much less connected than yours.”

“Bullshit,” Yuri snaps. “Can you dance?”

Rozanov tilts his head. “What kind of dance? I dance in the club very well. I know how to move.”

Yuri cannot believe he’s about to do this. “Ballet.”

Rozanov laughs, but this time it has a slight edge to it. “My mother danced, once upon a time. I have never done it myself.”

“Come on, then,” Yuri says, skating for the exit. “Viktor! Bring my skate guards! We are going to the studio.”

Rozanov, a little bewildered, follows. “We are going to dance ballet?”

Yuri abruptly turns around to face him. “No. You are going to dance ballet. And I am going to break you.”

Rozanov grins, baring his teeth, madness in his eyes. “I’d like to see you try.”

Oh boy does he try. Yuri runs him through barre work with a violence only achievable by a student of Lilia Baranovskaya. The grand dame herself pokes her head in and purses her lips as he pokes at stiff shoulders and flexed feet and a rigid spine until Rozanov is a properly moldable pile. A bag of meat and blood.

“This is terrible metaphor, tigryonok,” Rozanov says from the floor. “I am not going to suddenly become liquid. I cannot bend my back like that. I have bones. And muscles. I need them for my job.”

“You are the one who came here to do this,” Yuri retorts. “This is valuable training time for me.”

“Fine, fine.”

After a few hours in the studio, Rozanov is surprisingly not bad. He picks up choreography well and moves his body like he knows what he’s doing with it. He has power in his musculature that translates well.

Yuri lets him have a go on the turnboard and he doesn’t fall, despite being a brick shithouse puckhead of a man.

“Enough. You have proven that you are capable of graceful movement. Now we take it back to the ice.”

Rozanov gives Yuri a small smile that makes him feel so frustrated he doesn’t know what to do with it.

“How have you not gotten angry? I have been torturing you the entire day and you have not complained,” Yuri demands.

The little smile doesn’t fade. “I chose to do this, yes?” Rozanov takes a step towards Yuri. “I am committed. I will learn this or die trying. I will not let Shane Hollander be better than me. Besides,” he pokes Yuri in the shoulder, “a tigryonok growling at me is nothing compared to hockey camp in Siberian gulag.” Yuri reflexively slaps his hand away. “They will feed you to bears if you do not do bag skates.”

“Why do you care so much about your dumb rival?” Yuri blurts out.

“Why do you care about beating Vitya? It is the goal, tigryonok. I am the best, and he is the second best, and I must always be working to stay ahead of him. He has lead in this little race now, and I must work to remain on top.”

“Yeah, but this doesn’t help you beat him at hockey.”

“Does it not? Everything is a transferable skill. I will be faster and more controlled than ever. And it is not just about hockey. Is about him and me.” Rozanov has a look on his face. The same one Viktor gets when he talks about Katsudon and every other skater who seems to be in love with him. “I cannot let some figure skater take him from me.”

“Wait, what figure skater?”

Rozanov furrows his brow. “The one from Japan. Katsuki Yuuri. They are calling them a new rivalry. He has gone to Canada to steal Hollander. I must prove that I am better so that Hollander is demoralized and consigned to playing hockey only.”

“Katsudon?!” Yuri says, flabbergasted. “Where did you get that idea from? He’s going for a family reunion!”

“What family? He is from Japan, is he not? Vitya went there to train him.”

“Yeah, but his aunt lives there. He said something about Yuna, David, and Shun.” Alright, maybe he did pay attention when Katsudon was talking about it. Sue him.

“Yuna, David, and Shun…” Rozanov says in an almost whisper. “Yuna, David, and Shun!” He practically hits the ceiling with how high he jumps, utterly jubilant. “Thank you, tigryonok.” He sweeps Yuri up off the ground into a tight hug and swings him around in a circle.

“Let me down!” He starts frantically slapping at Rozanov’s shoulders until he’s back on the ground. “This doesn’t mean you can just stop now, Rozanov. I’m teaching you to figure skate whether you like it or not.”

Rozanov grins. “I think you can call me Ilya if you are going to be teaching me. I will be here for a few days before I go back to Moscow.”

Yuuri has to stifle a laugh as he steps out of the airport doors.

Shun is standing next to a black SUV with a little sign reading Katsuki Yuuri. He’s wearing sunglasses, a sweatshirt, and a ball cap with shorts in the middle of July. He looks miserably warm.

Yuuri doesn’t know how his cover hasn’t been blown. He hurries down the sidewalk, deciding to spare Shun the misery. He opens the door to the passenger side of the car as Shun walks around to the driver’s side.

As soon as the door shuts, Yuuri bursts out into laughter while Shun peels his disguise off.

“Shut up,” he grumbles, folding the hoodie before he places it in the back seat. “I didn’t want to be recognized.”

“It’s July, Shun-kun. Wearing a hoodie makes you look more conspicuous, not less. I think I saw a few fans trying to figure out if it was you or not.”

“I didn’t want to be Shane Hollander for a little bit, alright?” Shun turns the car on and starts peeling out of the pickup lane.

“Wearing your team sweatshirt doesn’t help with that.” To add insult to injury, they drive past a billboard with Shun’s face on it, holding up a can of some sports drink.

Shun makes an annoyed noise as they pass by the billboard. “You’re not any better,” Shun says, “with your sweatpants and that jacket. It’s practically a uniform.” 

They settle into a comfortable silence. 

“Congratulations on the Stanley Cup,” Yuuri says. “I know I texted, but I wanted to say it in person.”

“Thanks.”

“But that’s not the only thing that happened during the playoffs, is it?” He is teasing, but only a little bit. It’s been years since he’s gotten to do this in person.

Shun tips his head back with a groan. “I made a stupid mistake, alright? I got too comfortable and I did a double axel during a fight.”

“Too comfortable?” Yuuri straightens up in his seat. “I wish I could do that. How?”

Shun mumbles something under his breath.

“What was that?”

“I was talking to Rozanov!” He bursts out finally.

“Rozanov…” Yuuri has to think about it for a second. “Is that the same guy whose tape you were watching before World Juniors that you emailed me about? The one who’s now your ‘greatest rival’?

“Yes.” It lands heavily and the car goes silent for a long moment.

Yuuri really can’t hold back the giggles this time. “Shun-kun, oh my god. That’s what got you out of your head enough to do a double axel during a game?”

“Shut up,” Shun grits out. “Shut up. How would you feel if your Viktor was out on the ice with you, constantly teasing and riling you up.” 

“Well, he’s there as my coach. And he’s my fiance. He helps me get out of my head—Wait.”

Shun shrinks a little in his seat, looking like he deeply regrets his word choice.

“Wait. Shun-kun, is this guy your boyfriend? Is that why—”

“No he’s not my boyfriend!” The words rush out of Shun in fragments. “He’s not—We’re not anything. I’m not—People don’t know I like men. The league—it would suck. A lot. And he’s—”

“I get it,” Yuuri says gently. But there’s something there, he doesn’t say.

“It’s easier for you, in figure skating. When you compete, it’s just you and your own merits. When we play, our teams are relying on us. If anyone found out,” Shun swallows. “People have already gone crazy connecting the two of us because I made a stupid mistake, and we’re just cousins. If I slip up it puts us both at risk.”

“I know,” Yuuri says. “Trust me, I know. Why do you think we’re only going to be in St. Petersburg for this year? Viktor’s reputation protects him at SCC, and we’re okay for plausible deniability. Phichit was super disappointed when I didn’t let him post the banquet photos. Once Viktor transitions back into full-time coaching, we’re going back to Hasetsu and starting a skating school while I finish out my last few seasons.”

“You said he’s your fiance,” Shun says, glancing over as they pull up to a red light. “Congratulations on your engagement. And Worlds.”

“Thanks.” Yuuri twists the ring on his right ring finger. “We agreed to get married once I won gold, but it’s looking like we’ll have a long engagement.” Yuuri doesn’t want to wait. He knows this is forever. 

But the world wants to disagree.

“Plan for a summer wedding, alright? I want to be there.” Shun grips the steering wheel a little tighter, still at ten-and-two.

“Of course you’ll be there, Shun-kun, why wouldn’t you be?” 

“I thought—We were worried about you, after the Sochi GPF. I guess—” Shun trails off. “I’m glad you didn’t give up. I know how much you love it. I felt bad for not checking in more.”

“It’s okay. You were busy. Your first year as captain must have been crazy. And I know the Olympics were a big deal for you.”

“I should have been better about it. We always talked about being at the Olympics together, and I was sad that you missed them.”

Well. Yuuri can’t blame anyone but himself for that.

“What’s done is done. All we can do is keep moving forward.”

SUMMER 2003

“Kaachan, Yuna-oba, may we please go skating? Shun-kun wants to show me his new trick shot.” Yuuri is doing his best to be cute so his mom will let them leave the family reunion with all the boring relatives. Shun is not helping. Shun is dragging his hockey bag around and not looking at anybody.

“Yes, you can go, but no jumps without supervision, alright? Ask Nishigori-sensei if he’s not busy.”

“Okay!” Yuuri is already halfway out the door, skates in one hand, tugging Shun out the door with the other.

An hour later, they’re on the ice playing hockey with Yuuko and Takeshi. The rink is still set for figure skating, so they’re going a little slow.

“Shun-kun, it’s no fun if you’re the only one scoring,” Yuuko complains.

“Hey! I scored once!” Takeshi squawks.

“Yeah, on Yuuri-chan. Shun-kun has scored five on me.”

“I can just practice if you don’t want to play anymore,” Shun says quietly. His Japanese is a little accented and a little uncertain. His shoulders droop.

“No,” Yuuko says firmly. “We played hockey with you, now we’re going to figure skate with you. Yuuri, do you know where the sound system is?”

Instead of answering, Yuuri takes off, grabbing his skate guards quickly and running up the steps. Takeshi helps Shun start putting the hockey equipment away, quietly chattering about the local team.

For a little bit, Yuuri gets lost in his figures.

He breaks out of it when he sees Shun just sort of hovering at the edge of the rink, skating in circles.

“Do you want me to show you a little bit of what I’ve been working on?” He asks without really expecting an answer.

So when Shun says “Yeah,” he’s shocked for a moment.

“Yuu-chan! Can you play my short program?”

“Sure!”

The sound of violins comes over the speakers, and Yuuri just skates.

He strikes a pose at the end, arms outstretched over his head. Yuuko applauds enthusiastically while Takeshi is a little more reluctant.

Shun glides over. “That was pretty cool.”

“Thanks,” Yuuri says, blushing like he always does when he gets compliments.

“Do you think—do you think you could teach me a little bit?” Shun asks, stumbling over the words. “That footwork you did near the end was really neat. It’s okay if you don’t want to. I just thought—”

“No, I’ll do it.” Yuuri watches his cousin’s eyes light up just a little bit as he agrees.

He’s going to be the best figure skating teacher. The best.

JULY 2015

Figure Skating for Hockey Players featuring Montreal Voyageurs and Yuuri Katsuki

[Video opens on Shane Hollander, dressed in compression gear, standing in the center of a large empty gym]

SHANE HOLLANDER: Hello, everyone. Welcome back to Figure Skating for Hockey Players. This is the third, and final episode we’ll be doing in this series. Today I am joined by my alternate captains.

[Hayden Pike and J.J. Boiziau walk onscreen, stopping next to Hollander.]

SH: As well as the rest of the Montreal Voyageurs.

[The entirety of the Stanley Cup-Winning Montreal Voyageurs team run in from offscreen, crashing into each other as they fight to be on camera. The camera shifts back to keep everyone in frame.]

SH: We also have a very special guest. Please give a warm welcome to my cousin, the current world champion in men’s singles figure skating, Yuuri Katsuki.

[Katsuki walks in at a fast clip, stopping next to Hollander as the alternate captains shift to make room.]

GILBERT COMEAU: Bro he’s your cousin?

SH: Yes?

YUURI KATSUKI: Yes?

SH: Why else would he have flown across the world? 

MIKHAIL ANDROPOV: Wait, which side? Mother or Father.

[Hollander gives Andropov an incredulous look. Pike, without looking, slaps Andropov upside the head. The Voyageurs surrounding Andropov descend into whispers.]

HAYDEN PIKE: So you probably don’t know much about hockey then.

YK: I played a little as a kid before I pursued skating seriously, but now I only pay attention when Shun-kun wins things.

SH: (subvocal) Goddamnit.

HP: Shun-kun?

YK: Oh. Shane. Or Shane-kun? It sounds a little strange like that. Weird vowel sounds in English.

MONTREAL VOYAGEURS: (various shouts and laughter) Shane-kun! 

SH: You’ve doomed me, Yuuri. They’re never going to forget this.

YK: (laughs softly) It’s not the worst name you could have.

[Hollander pinches the bridge of his nose.]

SH: We’re starting with stretches.

[The shot transitions to show all of the Voyageurs on the floor, stretching. Hollander leads the charge, prompting them to warm up.]

SH: Like I said last time, you need to be adequately warmed up. I’m telling you this right now: if you get a stupid injury today, I am not going to be the one to explain it to the trainers.

J.J. BOIZIAU: We will be careful, Capitaine. Are you going to show off again?

SH: It’s not showing off if I’m not the only one who can do it. Pat and Mitty can both do the splits too.

SOREN MIITKA: Yes!

PATRICE DRAPEAU: Yep.

[Both goalies move into straddle splits, matching Hollander.]

SH: These aren’t even what the actual figure skaters do. Yuuri?

[The camera moves over to a wall, where Katsuki has his leg propped up above his head, doing a vertical split. He scrolls on his phone for a second before looking up.]

YK: Oh yes, sorry. I got a message from my coach.

SH: Is everything alright?

YK: He’s fine. He’s being dramatic.

SH: Alright. Do you mind showing a few stretches?

YK: I can do that. Do you have blocks or should we wing it?

SH: We have a few blocks, but it’s up to you. We could probably find something to replace the barre…

YK: It’s fine. You remember how this goes.

SH: Yes.

[Katsuki slides to the floor without warning in a graceful split. Hollander stands up from his own split and walks over to Katsuki.]

SH: Tell me when.

[Katsuki lifts his front foot and Hollander quickly stacks three yoga blocks underneath it.]

YK: That works for now.

[Hollander sits back down as the Voyageurs gape at Katsuki’s hyperextension.]

GUSTAF OLSSON: Doesn’t that hurt?

YK: (polite laugh) No.

SH: He’s been doing it for so long that it doesn’t register anymore.

YK: The ballet training helps.

HP: I think I would tear something trying to do that.

SH: It’s a good thing you’re not going to do it, right?

[Hollander stares at Pike. The camera alternates between each of their faces.]

SH: Right?

HP: Right.

SH: Good. Keep stretching.

[The camera fast-forwards through Hollander leading the group through a full set of warm up stretches, while Katsuki warms up independently, though demonstrating advanced stretches when asked.]

[The shot switches to show the Voyageurs now on center ice. Most of the group looks excited, though a few look nervous. Hollander and Katsuki skate onscreen, quietly discussing something.]

SH: Alright. Now that we’re on the ice, we’re going to focus on a few skills today: figures, power pulls, and basic jumps. Yuuri and I will give demos, and then everyone gets a chance to try. To make it interesting, our wonderful admin proposed that we make it a little bit of a competition. We’ll evaluate who’s done the best in each task and assign a winner at the end.

LUCAS LAINE: What does the winner get?

SH: I don’t know, bragging rights? We can decide on a prize later. Maybe the winner gets a turn on the turnboard.

HP: I think the winner should get to pick a song that you have to figure skate to.

JB: Yes, this is a great idea, Capitaine!

SM: I already know what I’m going to pick.

PD: You’re saying that like you think you’re going to win.

GC: Maybe we vote and the winner gets the final say.

[The Voyageurs descend into rapid cross-talk while Hollander’s face turns red, then white, while Katsuki quietly laughs.]

SH: (subvocal) Why did I agree to do this?

YK: (subvocal) You don’t have to, Shun-kun. You can tell them to stop. 

SH: (subvocal) They won’t let it go. (raises his voice) You can pick something later. We’re getting started now.

[Screen reads: Figures]

YK: Compulsory figures are what the name figure skating comes from. They’ve been mostly phased out of competitive skating by now, but they’re still foundational to the sport.

[Katsuki launches off, carving a series of perfect circles into the ice.]

YK: Today, we’re just doing circles. You’ll have some time to practice. When you think you’re ready, call me or Shun-kun over and we’ll evaluate.

[A small scoreboard panel appears on the right side of the screen while a montage of the Voyageurs trying to skate compulsory figures plays. Hollander now has a clipboard and a pen behind his ear, and makes marks on his sheet for each of his teammates. At the end of the montage, Hayden Pike and J.J. Boiziau are sitting at the top of the leaderboard. There is an additional box in the panel for Hollander as a benchmark score, though he is not listed on the leaderboard.]

LL: Hey, that’s not fair! The A’s had a whole training session with Shane before this!

[The group of Voyageurs start cross talking, complaining to the same effect.]

SH: It’ll even out by the end. 

[Screen reads: Power Pulls]

SH: Next up is power pulls. You guys should already know how to do these, but we’ll do some practice runs with the one-footed version.

[Hollander demonstrates the same drill from episode 2: power pulls forwards and backwards through a set of cones, then alternating directions.]

GC: Those look easy.

JB: They are harder than they look.

[A rapid montage of the Voyageurs trying the practice course goes by, with several of them falling or having to put a foot down.]

SH: For the actual challenge, we’ll be doing end-to-ends. This is an endurance trial. Start on your right, get to the other side, then switch to your left. Pace yourselves. I don’t care how fast you go. If you fall or touch down when you’re not at the boards? You’re out. If you have to stop? You’re out. Last one standing wins.

[The scoreboard pops up once again, this time marking how long each of the Voyageurs manages to last. Towards the end of the trial, Hollander and Katsuki are still power pulling back and forth, chatting quietly. The two of them remain on the ice while the remainder of the Voyageurs troop towards the home bench to take a break.]

HP: Do we stop them?

ALAIN GAGNON: How are they still going? 

LUKE RENAUD: 5 bucks on Hollzy lasting longer.

LL: I’ll take that bet.

JB: Do not. He wants to add these to practices. Swap them in with bag skates. We will have to do these in full kit. 

AG: Oh s— really?

HP: Yes, really. He already does them on his own. He’s going to have us all in cross training.

SH: That’s not a bad idea.

[Pike jumps, startled.]

HP: Jesus f—ing Christ, man, you scared the f—ing shit out of me. Motherf—er.

SH: Swear jar! Hayd, we’re on camera!

HP: Oh s—. F—.

LR: Dude. Not helping your case.

SH: Alright. The scoreboard has evened out a little bit, with Gagny and Roy taking the top spots for power pulls. It’s anyone’s game.

[Screen reads: Jumps]

YK: The last challenge is jumps. In honor of Shun-kun’s little playoffs stunt, you will all learn a waltz jump, and then try a single axel. 

[Katsuki demonstrates both jumps for the Voyageurs.]

SH: Do you want to show them more?

YK: Sure.

[Katsuki then demonstrates a double axel and triple axel in rapid succession. The Voyageurs applaud.]

MA: How do you not get dizzy?

YK: Lots of practice. Once you get to the higher levels, you will be going so fast that all you can do is trust your body. I have fallen on these jumps many times. You will most likely fall as you try these.

[A montage of the Voyageurs trying the jumps plays rapidly. True to Katsuki’s warning, most of them hit the ice at least once, if not more. Hollander performs a waltz jump, single axel, and double axel for the group after much prodding. The scoreboard panel adjusts with each score, using Hollander as a benchmark. At the end of the montage, all of the Voyageurs gather around Katsuki, who has Hollander’s clipboard.]

YK: After everything has been tallied up, the winner is…

SH: J.J. Boiziau! Congrats J.J.!

[The Voyageurs cheer, clapping Boiziau on the back as they start to shout song suggestions and argue whether Boiziau gets the unilateral pick.]

YK: (subvocal) I kept tally for you, if you want to see.

SH: (subvocal) How—[admin] let you have the clipboard. 

YK: (subvocal) Yes. You really are quite good.

SH: (subvocal) I can’t possibly measure up to you. That’s not why I do it.

YK: (subvocal) Not the point, Shun-kun. You’re a hockey player the way I’m a figure skater. You should let yourself enjoy it more.

SH: (almost inaudible) Okay. Maybe.

[Hollander and Katsuki share a side hug while the Voyageurs continue debating.]

SH: Do you think they’re actually going to decide on something?

YK: Based on what I’ve seen? No. You could try and cut it off here, make sure they don’t get it on camera.

SH: You’re right. 

[Hollander turns to face the camera.]

SH: That’s all for Figure Skating for Hockey Players. I can’t say I was ever expecting to make something like this, but it has been…fun. I hope you all come out of this with a new appreciation for hockey and for figure skating. Thanks to the Voyageurs, for encouraging the idea, my alternates Hayden and J.J. for sticking through it, and my cousin Yuuri. Thanks for teaching me how to do this, all those years ago.

[Hollander and Katsuki wave to the camera, and the screen goes dark as the Voyageurs start to yell in protest.]

[The spidercam angle of Hollander’s double axel during Game 6 of the Eastern Conference Finals plays on screen, following him around and ending on his triumphant face.]

[The screen overlay reads: Thank you, Captain!]

@shanehollanderhockeyplayer posted to Instagram!

[Image: a young Shane Hollander standing between a young Katsuki Yuuri and a teenaged Katsuki Mari.]

[Image: Shane Hollander as a toddler, clutching a small hockey stick while balanced on his skates.]

[Image: Katsuki Yuuri as a small child, holding hands with a young Nishigori Yuuko as they skate.]

[Image: Shane Hollander skating with Katsuki Yuuri as teenagers.]

[Image: Captain Shane Hollander lifting the Stanley Cup over his head.]

[Image: Katsuki Yuuri, on the podium, accepting his World Championship gold medal.]

[Image: A slightly blurry selfie of Yuuri and Shane. Both men are wearing their glasses.]

[Image: Yuuri out at dinner with Shane, Yuna, and David Hollander.]

[Image: Shane and Yuuri instructing the Montreal Voyageurs.]

[Video: Shane performing a short figure skating routine to Carly Rae Jepsen’s Call Me Maybe]

shanehollanderhockeyplayer I guess skating (and winning!) just run in the family. Thank you so much to @y-katsuki, my wonderful cousin, for coming out to teach the @MontrealVoyageurs how to figure skate.

@jjBoiziau, in all his wisdom, chose a Canadian icon for me to emulate for my promised routine. @carlyraejepsen, I am so sorry. I did my best.

~ Shane Hollander | 勝生 俊

Liked by y-katsuki, haydenpike35, MontrealVoyageurs, jjBoiziau and 15727 others

↳ y-katsuki It was great to see you, Shun-kun! Next time, you should come to Hasetsu to teach hockey camp at Ice Castle!

↳ phichitchulanont YUURI! You didn’t tell me you were doing this!

↳ chrisgiacometti Yuuri! You didn’t tell me you had a hot cousin!

↳ yunakhollander You’re always welcome at home with us, Yuuri-chan! So proud of you both!

↳ carlyraejepsen I think you did it justice, Shane!

↳ lilybestbackhand the GLASSES???

~ read more comments ~

Chapter End Notes

I hope you liked it! Feel free to tell me what you think!

Quick Notes:

- I wasn't anticipating Yuri and Ilya getting along as well as they did, but they really ran away from me here.
- Shane and Yuuri have a sort of quiet acknowledgement that both of them like men. Does it make it easier on Shane to accept it? A little bit. Does it take away all the external pressures of his situation? Absolutely not.
- Yuuri is slightly older than Shane (~6 months). As a kid, Shane hated being called Shun-chan by family members. They compromised with Shun-kun.

Chapter 5

Chapter Summary

Montreal Voyageurs @MontrealVoyageurs

The Voyageurs are learning to figure skate! Thank you to our captain and our very special guest!
Les Voyageurs apprennent le patinage artistique! Merci à notre capitaine et à notre invité très spécial!

[Video Link: Figure Skating for Hockey Players: Episode 3]

Chapter Notes

Sometimes, the old man being rich as balls is good for something.

Yuri lounges on the couch in Viktor’s living room as the geezer himself sets up his laptop to stream to the enormous television mounted on the wall.

Ilya lays flat on the floor, partially because he’s a lump after days of figure skating practice, and partially because Yuri has demoted him from the couch for being too weird about his rival.

Couldn’t he be normal and just swear eternal vengeance in competition? Apparently not. Apparently this Shane guy just has the sun shooting out of his ass. Maybe the moon, too. Ilya certainly moons over him enough, even though he claims that’s not what he’s doing. That he’s “looking for weaknesses.” Or “analyzing his technique.”

Yuri has gotten sick of hearing that stupid video of Hollander with his teammates.

He stifles the urge to tell Ilya to get a grip. Katsudon is his eternal rival, and he’s certainly not bringing him up in every unrelated conversation.

“I have it!” Viktor exclaims, plopping down into one of the weird armchairs he has lying around.

“Finally. What took you so long?” Yuri shoots him a glare.

“Yeah, Vitya. What took you so long?” Ilya says from the floor. “Have you never turned the TV on before? You only know how to work the kind with the antenna?” 

Viktor sputters, and Yuri indulges, just for a second, in the joy of having another asshole in the room. An asshole alliance, if you will. Just irritating enough together that it makes them individually look better.

“Whatever,” Viktor turns up his nose. “I am starting it so I can see my darling Yuuri again, after so long.”

“It’s been three days,” Yuri says, deadpan. “You just went on vacation with him.”

“It does not mean I miss him any less!” Viktor cries out.

“Shut up,” Ilya says. “Both of you. You are missing it.”

The argument subsides as they watch Ilya’s rival introduces his team onscreen. Then Katsudon walks on screen and Viktor audibly sighs. Yuri doesn’t suppress the urge to kick him. 

The fact that he steps on Ilya’s back on his route to get there is incidental.

Ilya makes a disgusting noise on the floor as his back cracks. “Blyat! Tigryonok!” He rolls up to a seated position. “Oh. Thank you.” He rolls his shoulder in that way that he does, where it crunches a little around the back. 

“You were just in the way,” Yuri says.

Ilya looks like he’s stifling a laugh again.

When they look back at the screen, Katsudon is doing his wall thing and talking about texting the geezer.

“He thinks I’m dramatic?” Viktor says, looking like he’s on the verge of swooning.

“You are,” Both Ilya and Yuri deadpan.

Then Katsudon starts showing off and Viktor is back to sighing like a Victorian maiden.

The rest of the video is surprisingly alright to watch. Yuri does have to admit that Ilya’s rival holds up as a figure skater. Not elite, but certainly competent. He has the same kind of monster stamina that Katsudon has, for sure. Minutes tick by on screen as they just keep power pulling, long after the rest of the puckheads have given up. Ilya makes an inquisitive noise as the Voyageurs start talking about Hollander’s drills.

It gets even more funny when they start doing jumps. Katsudon shows off his signature axels, Hollander does his clean but inferior versions, and then they get to watch the puckheads fall all over themselves. It’s like watching toddlers trip—they bounce a little bit and get up. Endlessly entertaining.

“Good thing Leroy isn’t there,” Yuri comments idly. “Another JJ winning a skating competition might kill him.”

“Yura!” Viktor yelps.

“What? He’s so annoying, Viktor. No one would willingly choose to spend time with him.” Leroy isn’t actually that bad, now that he’s been knocked down a peg, but it’s fun to keep the bit up.

Viktor can’t argue with that and so has to sit back in his uncomfortable armchair. Ilya cackles from the floor.

“Leroy would not survive Hollander. He does not care about anything more than his sport and his family. He would be an insignificant speck to Shane.”

“Family?” Viktor asks, just as Hollander finishes his outro. “Oh. That’s his cousin Shun?”

“Idiot old man! Were you not paying attention?”

“I was distracted!” Viktor protests. “You were kicking me!”

“Even I knew that,” Ilya taunts. “Are you losing your hearing, Vitya? Is it fading with your hairline?” The trademark Rozanov grin is on his face.

Viktor practically wails, clutching his hands to his hair while Yuri just laughs and enjoys the moment.

But then, after Yuri and Ilya have contained their laughter, Viktor gets a look in his eye. “Ilyusha.”

“Yes, Vitya?” He chirps.

“You have been ranting to me about this Shane the entire time you have been here and you did not think to tell me he was my beloved’s cousin?”

“I think that would be something for your beloved to tell you,” Ilya says.

Viktor hums, his eyes going hard for a second. “You let me believe there was something going on between my Yuuri and your Shane.”

“He is not mine,” Ilya says reflexively. “And I did not say there was anything going on.”

Viktor stands up from the armchair. “Then there will be no problem with me reaching out to him? On behalf of my dear friend Chris perhaps?”

As Yuri says, “Giacometti? But he’s–” Ilya’s eyes go dark and he hauls himself upright.

“Do not,” he grits out.

“Why not?” Viktor asks, weaving around the coffee table to get face to face with Ilya. “If he is not yours, why should I not? He seems sweet, and competent for a hockey player. There’s any number of people I know who could show him a good time.”

Ilya splutters. “Hollander—Hollander does not do this. He goes to work and he comes home. He goes to bed early and reads his hockey books and wears his glasses. He eats his bird food and does not complain. He does not play around.”

Viktor’s mouth curls up into something like a sneer. “Not like you play around, right Ilyusha? Going to the club and coming home with a different person every night? But you’ve been doing that less, haven’t you. Always texting and watching your little videos.” He steps closer to Ilya. “Do you know what you risk?”

Ilya exhales harshly through his nose. “Of course I know. I would not be here if I didn’t.” He meets Viktor’s gaze.

They hold eye contact for a long moment. Yuri sits on the couch, his mind whirring in the silence.

Viktor breaks the staring contest, his face softening back into a smile. “Then I hope to see you in Hasetsu some time. Sooner rather than later.”

And Ilya, the guy who Yuri is trying to steal the title of “Russia’s Greatest Rage Machine” from, blushes bright red.

The pieces click into place.

“You’re trying to fuck Shane Hollander?” Yuri squawks.

“Not trying,” Ilya says in a distracted tone. 

Viktor laughs as Yuri’s face screws up in disgust and he starts whacking Ilya with one of the stupidly hard embroidered throw pillows that he’s kicked off of the couch.

Montreal Voyageurs @MontrealVoyageurs

The Voyageurs are learning to figure skate! Thank you to our captain and our very special guest!

Les Voyageurs apprennent le patinage artistique! Merci à notre capitaine et à notre invité très spécial!

[Video Link: Figure Skating for Hockey Players: Episode 3]

james @faceoffking

This is the team that won the Stanley Cup

 

james @faceoffking

how are they so dumb

 

Violet @sk4tingf4n

COUSINS?!?!?!

 

Drew @hockiboii

bruh i’d be beating my chest if I was related to ONE of them 

 

ella @axelbabe

The Katsuki family got two skating prodigies in the same generation

 

ella @axelbabe

srsly what is in the water in hasetsu

 

jules @juliaaaber

can u imagine the family reunions though

Shane Hollander Thirst @shanehollandersass

Shun-kun? Shun-kun? SHANE-KUN?!?!

Shane Hollander Thirst @shanehollandersass

[Image: Tyler the Creator “Un-Follow Me Now” Meme]

 

Shane Hollander Thirst @shanehollandersass

they’re literally so

 

Shane Hollander Thirst @shanehollandersass

I canNOT handle this

 

Shane Hollander Thirst @shanehollandersass

The clipboard?!?!? My GOD

 

Shane Hollander Thirst @shanehollandersass

No wonder Shane is constantly like I’m NOT a figure skater if YUURI is his reference point

 

Shane Hollander Thirst @shanehollandersass

both known for being some of the quietest, nicest guys in their sports

 

Shane Hollander Thirst @shanehollandersass

AND they’re both hotties

 

Shane Hollander Thirst @shanehollandersass

when they stretched???? the power pulls??? in sync???

 

Shane Hollander Thirst @shanehollandersass

I’m sorry FS fans I didn’t know you knew ball

 

lily @lilybestbackhand

Shane still better though

 

Joey @Puckwizard456

[Image: Shane Hollander and Katsuki Yuuri doing synchronized power pulls.]

Joey @Puckwizard456

Shane looks like the hockey-themed Pokemon evolution of Yuuri

 

jess @agameofjess

I—

 

isa @belltolls

Just look at them in Juniors!

[Image: Shane Hollander on the bench at the 2008 World Junior Hockey Championship]

[Image: Katsuki Yuuri at the Kiss-and-Cry during the 2008 World Figure Skating Championship]

 

queen sara crispino @queensaraa

nah it’s more like theyre both ice-type starters and yuuri evolved into ice/flying and shane evolved into ice/ground

 

Hockey Analyst @hockeyanalyst 

An excellent show of the benefits of collaboration between athletes. 🧵[1/27]

mrs.hollander @shanehollanderswife

@yuurisno1fan anything to say?

mrs.hollander @shanehollanderswife

even your fav, Katsuki Yuuri himself, acknowledged how good Shane is

 

mrs.hollander @shanehollanderswife

they’re both incredible elite athletes

 

mrs.hollander @shanehollanderswife

they’re both hot (leaning beautiful for yuuri and handsome for shane imo)

 

mrs.hollander @shanehollanderswife

and they both didn’t deserve to be slandered for being associated 

 

mrs.hollander @shanehollanderswife

either by your words

 

mrs.hollander @shanehollanderswife

or by having you as their fan

 

mrs.hollander @shanehollanderswife

so

 

mrs.hollander @shanehollanderswife

@yuurisno1fan do you have anything to say?

 

mrs.hollander @shanehollanderswife

lmao she blocked me

[Image: Twitter profile for Mina @yuurisno1fan which reads: You’re blocked. You can’t follow or see @yuurisno1fan’s Tweets. Learn more]

 

Mina @yuurisno1fan

Some people need to get over themselves.

ilyarozanov81 posted to Instagram!

[Image: Ilya Rozanov, posed stoically in a dark environment with Svetlana Vetrova and Aleksandr Rublev on either side of him. The photo is lit in pink, purple, and blue.]

[Image: The view from Ilya’s apartment in Moscow at dawn.]

[Image: Skates on the ice rink at the Sports Champions Center.]

[Image: Ilya Rozanov, hoisting Yuri Plisetsky over his head as Viktor Nikiforov chases them both.]

[Video: Ilya Rozanov performing a short and simple ice dance to Я сошла с ума [All the Things She Said] by t.A.T.u.]

Caption: лето [Summer]

Liked by svetrova, marcliff, v-nikiforov, BostonBears, plisetskyy and 9870 others

svetrova Ты всегда такая драматичная [you are always so dramatic]

v-nikiforov Вы так быстро всему научились [You learned well in such a short time!]

plisetskyy Не присваивай себе мои заслуги, старик! [Don’t take credit for my work, old man!]

yuriangels Юрий такой милый! Ангелы! Мы должны узнать больше об этом Илья! [Yuri looks so CUTE! Angels! We must find out more about this Ilya!]

Milly <3 @ilyaaaaas

Okay I need to get this off my chest

Milly <3 @ilyaaaaas

Ilya just posted to his Instagram with the first real photos we’ve had of him in a few months

 

Milly <3 @ilyaaaaas

It’s his usual summer dump that he does after coming back from Moscow

 

Milly <3 @ilyaaaaas

but this time it’s not just him and his friends

 

Milly <3 @ilyaaaaas

Viktor Nikiforov and Yuri Plisetsky are there

 

Milly <3 @ilyaaaaas

at their skating club in St. Petersburg

 

Milly <3 @ilyaaaaas

And Ilya’s out here doing ice dance to t.A.T.u

 

Milly <3 @ilyaaaaas

i can’t fault his taste

 

Milly <3 @ilyaaaaas

but like

 

Milly <3 @ilyaaaaas

is this just something he’s hidden? is this another hollander situation?

 

Milly <3 @ilyaaaaas

if not, how does he know nikiforov and plisetsky?

 

Violet @sk4tingf4n

oh thank god someone who understands

 

Violet @sk4tingf4n

i think he started figure skating because of Hollander

 

Violet @sk4tingf4n

it’s a direct response to Hollander’s Call Me Maybe

 

Violet @sk4tingf4n

plus Plisetsky is well known to have declared himself Katsuki’s rival

 

Violet @sk4tingf4n

Rozanov went and found his Russian figure skating counterparts to match Hollander and Katsuki

 

Violet @sk4tingf4n

I guess you could debate whether Nikiforov or Plisetsky is really Katsuki’s rival because of Nikiforov coming back for a last hurrah season

 

Violet @sk4tingf4n

and Rozanov was seen with both

 

Shane Hollander Thirst @shanehollandersass

i’m starting a rumor

MARCH 2021

Shane Hollander Thirst @shanehollandersass

VINDICATION!!!!!

lily @lilybestbackhand

lol yeah

 

Shane Hollander Thirst @shanehollandersass

Lily? I thought you’d be flipping out

 

Shane Hollander Thirst @shanehollandersass

Lils?

 

Shane Hollander Thirst @shanehollandersass

Do you know something I don’t?

 

lily @lilybestbackhand

Do I?

[Image: Selfie of Shane Hollander and Ilya Rozanov. Ilya is kissing Shane’s cheek.]

 

Shane Hollander Thirst @shanehollandersass

lily what the fuck

 

Shane Hollander Thirst @shanehollandersass

where did you get this

 

Shane Hollander Thirst @shanehollandersass

LILY!!!!

 

lily @lilybestbackhand

😈

Chapter End Notes

And we're at the end! Thank you all for joining me on this journey! I'm so grateful for all of your comments and kudos; it has been so fun to chat with you all while I wrote this story.

Quick Notes:

- This chapter is a bit shorter than the others, but I think it does what I wanted it to do.
- The Russian should have mouseover notes with translations. Please make sure to have Creator's Style enabled in order to see these and the texts properly.
- The Pokemon joke, corny as it is, is one of the first things I thought of while writing this AU.
- I might eventually come back with an epilogue of Shane and Ilya figure skating together. Let me know if that's something you'd like to see.

Chapter 6: extras

Chapter Summary

The extras from Figure Skating for Hockey Players; moments in between and an epilogue.

Chapter Notes

i. A Set of Emails [Chapter 3]

—

from: mlurie@montrealvoyageurs.org

to: yunakhollander@hotmail.com

cc: farahjalali@mtlta.com 

Subject: Figure Skating for Hockey Players Series Continuation

Hi Yuna,

Firstly, I hope you are having a good vacation. Since Shane is currently on social media blackout, I wanted to bring this to your attention.

The Figure Skating for Hockey Players series has gone beyond all of our expectations. Shane has done a phenomenal job; the structure of the series really brings something out in him. Our audience loves it, and they’ve been consistently asking for more.

We have a few options for extensions of the series:

1. Having Shane continue to teach the alternates and maintaining the series as a ‘get to know our captains’ intro.
2. Bringing more of the team in to learn figure skating from Shane.
3. Hiring a professional figure skating instructor to teach the team.

I believe Coach Theriault has already reached out to Shane with regard to cross training—this only applies to media obligations.

A final note: we have received some messages regarding Shane’s perceived friendships with a few different figure skaters. This might be worth looking into on your side as Shane’s team; we will defer to any statements that you choose to make.

Please let me know whether you think Shane would be willing to continue this series.

Regards,

Monica Lurie 

Social Media Administrator 

Montreal Voyageurs

—

from: yunakhollander@hotmail.com

to: mlurie@montrealvoyageurs.org

cc: farahjalali@mtlta.com

Hi Monica,

Good to hear from you. I have not had the chance to speak to Shane yet regarding the extension. In our last conversation, he indicated that he believed the series was over, especially given that the team has now passed their period of media obligations after the Stanley Cup Finals. 

As for the options for extending the series, I would note that Shane has been training in figure skating for over a decade. His skill level is above that of many professional instructors. I would hazard a guess that if you were looking to showcase a figure skater in contrast to the Voyageurs, who could match or best Shane, you will need to reach out to elite level skaters and coaches.

I will let you know when I have discussed the situation with Shane.

Best,

Yuna K Hollander

—

from: farahjalali@mtlta.com

to: yunakhollander@hotmail.com

Hi Yuna,

I looked into the rumors; there are a few fans freaking out about the similarity of Shane’s routine to Katsuki Yuuri’s warmup routine. This has been going on longer than we were aware of it; the first video release has the initial rumblings.

I can reach out to his team on our behalf to see if they want to put out a coordinated statement. Let me know what you think.

Farah Jalali

MTL Talent Agency

—

from: yunakhollander@hotmail.com

to: farahjalali@mtlta.com

Hi Farah,

That’s no issue then; I can reach out to Yuuri personally and see how he wants to proceed.

Yuna K Hollander

—

from: yunakhollander@hotmail.com

to: mlurie@montrealvoyageurs.org

cc: farahjalali@mtlta.com

Hi Monica,

I’ve discussed the series with Shane, and he is open to doing another installment, on the condition that this will be the final episode of the series, and filming will happen within the first week of July.

Has the team decided on which extension option you will be going forward with? I would like to share this with Shane as soon as possible such that we can coordinate with regard to the planning.

Regards,

Yuna K Hollander

—

from: mlurie@montrealvoyageurs.org

to: yunakhollander@hotmail.com

cc: farahjalali@mtlta.com 

Hi Yuna,

That’s great to hear! We’ll do our best to keep the filming contained to a single session.

As for the extension, we have decided on option three in order to minimize the work that Shane will have to put in. We have reached out to Alain and Nathalie Leroy as potential prospects, and we are waiting on a response from them before we move forward. Since they are local to Montreal, we will be discussing whether filming would happen at our facilities or theirs.

Best,

Monica Lurie 

Social Media Administrator 

Montreal Voyageurs

—

from: yunakhollander@hotmail.com

to: mlurie@montrealvoyageurs.org

cc: farahjalali@mtlta.com

Hi Monica,

Shane is aware and preparing for the start of training camp.

If you are open to another option for your visiting figure skater, I happen to know that Katsuki Yuuri, the current World Champion in Men’s Figure Skating, will be in Montreal for some time at the beginning of July. If the Voyageurs are interested in working with him, I can reach out and connect him with your team. Please let me know as soon as possible.

Regards,

Yuna K Hollander

—

from: mlurie@montrealvoyageurs.org

to: yunakhollander@hotmail.com

cc: farahjalali@mtlta.com 

Hi Yuna,

If you can be certain he would be willing to work with us, please go ahead and reach out. If I may ask, how do you know Mr. Katsuki?

Thanks,

Monica Lurie 

Social Media Administrator 

Montreal Voyageurs

—

from: yunakhollander@hotmail.com

to: mlurie@montrealvoyageurs.org

cc: farahjalali@mtlta.com

Hi Monica,

Yuuri is my nephew. He typically comes to Montreal around this time of year to work with Shane on his cross training.

Regards,

Yuna Katsuki Hollander

ii. How Ilya Became Lily [Chapter 5]

Ilya is tipsy at 3 AM in Moscow when he makes his burner account.

Maybe it’s more accurate to say drunk. Three sheets to the wind. Blasted.

He’s sitting alone in the dark, smoking a cigarette that tastes mostly like ash, scrolling through texts that could get him arrested if anyone were to find out.

Jane & Lily. What a concept. If only Jane were a pretty girl with freckles and a fantastic ass and not the strong, boring hockey player that he is.

It would be easier to forget. To let go. To let it be one of a series of hookups, gone in the haze of drinking and clubbing and playing and paying and doing it all over again.

If only he were Lily.

Ilya switches over to Twitter, scrolling mindlessly. It’s all hockey. His agent will not let him Tweet from the account again.

He keeps scrolling down, down, down, until he lands on a picture.

A picture of Hollander, screencapped from a behind-the-scenes video of the Voyageurs’ locker room. 

Hollander, in just his compression gear, wrapped tight to the skin like Ilya knows he likes, all that restraint given form. He stands in a slouch, playing with the tape on his stick, the contours of every muscle on display.

Ilya traces the curve of a thick thigh with his eyes, all the way up to the ass he has never stopped thinking about.

The comments are filthy, wishing for an ounce of attention from a man who does not spare a single thought to them.

He gives it to me, Ilya thinks. He gives it to me so sweetly and I can never say it like these people do. Never flaunt the gift that came to shake his hand in a parking lot in Regina in 2008 who has not left his mind since then.

If only he were Lily.

He blinks, and the Create Account button is sitting in front of him.

Two minutes later, @lilybestbackhand is born.

He searches frantically for the picture again, this time taking his time with it.

The account that posted it, Shane Hollander Thirst @shanehollandersass, is the first one he follows. 

When he wakes up that morning, his feed is full of clips of Hollander, a wellspring he can never find the bottom of.

He sends a DM to the account on a whim after seeing a photo of Hollander holding a pool cue, backwards cap on his head.

@lilybestbackhand: where you get these

It takes a little while for them to answer.

@shanehollandersass: Hi! All photos on this account are submitted by followers and sourced to appropriate social media or news sources. We do not accept unverified candids, since we do not wish to encourage the violation of Shane’s privacy. If you would like to submit a photo for the feed, please link it and caption it according to the guidelines linked in the pinned tweet. Thanks!

@lilybestbackhand: what does Shane Hollander Thirst mean

@lilybestbackhand: you cannot drink him

The response takes even longer this time.

@shanehollandersass: hey sorry you got the automated reply

@shanehollandersass: thirst is not literal

@shanehollandersass: it just means we appreciate how he looks and are maybe a little obsessed about it

@shanehollandersass: some people do really want to drink his sweat though 🥵

@shanehollandersass: and other fluids lol 

@lilybestbackhand: okay

@lilybestbackhand: thank you

@shanehollandersass: np!!!

From there it blossoms. He finds out the mod’s name is Maddie and that she’s a student at McGill. She goes to Voyageurs games whenever she can, even though the tickets can get expensive.

It’s a fun little outlet. He’s allowed to say things no one would ever believe coming out of the mouth of Ilya Rozanov. He doesn’t have to keep the mask up, not through the filter of Lily. He doesn’t have to make sense.

He’s there when Maddie graduates, when she gets her first job out of undergrad, when she meets her first girlfriend, breaks up and makes up all in the span of two weeks.

He’s there when Maddie discovers that he’s actually Matt, in a 3 AM confession about how thirsting for Shane was always tinged with a bit of gender envy.

So when the world spirals about a kiss in the back of a Fanmail, he sits with Shane on the couch, navigates to a single profile, replies with a selfie, and puts his phone down for the rest of the day.

iii. A Wedding in Hasetsu [Chapter 5]

The envelope arrives on a Wednesday. Ilya almost doesn’t notice it, too busy packing up every inch of his life in Boston.

When he finally sits down to open it, he’s faced with a wax seal, monogrammed with the letters K+N.

You are cordially invited to the nuptials of Katsuki Yuuri and Viktor Nikiforov 

on the 19th of July, 2018 

at Yu-Topia Katsuki, Hasetsu

Please RSVP by July 1, 2018 @ KatsukiNikiforov.com

Scrawled on the back in an untidy hand,

Ты должен прийти, глупый медведь! [You had better come, dumb bear!]

They don’t coordinate.

Rather, they don’t coordinate intentionally. If dressing like the rest of the wedding party means they’re in matching suits, then so be it.

Shane has to stifle a laugh as Ilya comes charging down the aisle with Yuri standing on his shoulders, throwing flowers into the wind. He comes to a screeching halt, only barely avoiding pitching Yuri into the rows of seated guests. He sets Yuri down with a thump and takes his seat with a smug smile, directly in Shane’s eyeline.

Flower boy’s assistant indeed.

Yuuri laughs from where he stands at the altar. Shane thinks he can hear Viktor’s muffled shrieking from inside.

Even though he spends most of the time sneaking glances at Ilya, Shane can admit the ceremony is gorgeous. Yuuri looks happier than he’s ever seen him.

The sun sets as the grooms exchange rings and kiss. 

And kiss.

And kiss.

Afterward, Yuuri and Viktor take to the ice, for a beautiful rendition of Stammi Vicino.

Ilya sidles up behind Shane as they watch from the stands.

“We should do this,” he says as he hooks his chin over Shane’s shoulder. They’re seated behind most of the guests, and everyone seems to be transfixed by the newlyweds on the ice. “Learn to dance on the ice.”

“We both already know how to figure skate,” Shane says. “Isn’t that how you got invited in the first place?”

“Together, Hollander. We get married, we dance on the ice, we fuck until the morning. Is simple.”

“I don’t know,” Shane says. “I’ve been doing it for a lot longer than you have. I’d be worried about you trying things you aren’t ready for.”

“боже мой,[My god] Shane.” Ilya drops his forehead on Shane’s shoulder. “We would not do all these crazy jumps. Is just dancing on the ice.”

“I’m teasing,” Shane says. He looks around for a moment as the music swells, before dropping a kiss on Ilya’s lips. “I’ll think about it.”

Ilya’s smile is slow, but reaches all the way to his eyes.

The reception afterward is something else. Ilya watches with a strange fascination as the Katsuki family collectively gets drunk and turn into menaces.

Yuuri is on a stripper pole, more than halfway out of his wedding suit and yanking his husband by the tie as he dances, alarmingly limber. Phichit Chulanont has his phone out, taking photos from every possible angle. Chris Giacometti is trying to find an opening to get on the pole.

Yuuri’s father has multiple Russian figure skaters captivated as he tells a story with his hands while downing whiskey and katsudon between every other word. He doesn’t seem to be breathing. His wife swaps out his bowl every so often, an amused look on her face.

Yuna Hollander neé Katsuki is only there for about a half an hour. She takes six shots in 10 seconds and then drags David off into one of the darker hallways of Yu-Topia Katsuki. Ilya wishes her well.

And as for Shane? Shane sips politely at the sake that everyone is served. He’s then handed a bottle of soju that he drinks just a little too quickly after one of his aunts comes over and starts asking when he’s going to lock down his own Russian. 

The plus side is that he hasn’t left Ilya’s lap since. They sit together at their table as the dance floor rages in impromptu competition.

The minus side is that Ilya is prevented from joining the aforementioned competition. A pity, because Yuuri is absolutely clearing at the moment. He can’t bring himself to feel bad for Yura, who’s spitting like a real angry tiger. He has half a mind to start texting him recommendations for break-dancing teachers.

Shane starts mouthing at Ilya’s neck about an hour into the reception. His teeth start making their appearance at the hour and five minute mark. 

Ilya carries him off to their room without any protest after that.

iv. Pair Skating for Hockey Players [Post-Canon]

After Shane starts thinking about it, he can’t stop.

Obviously he’s kept up with his own training. Figure skating, since the moment he started it, has always been a way to feel more like he’s in his body on the ice. Sharpening the blade that serves as the foundation of his craft. 

Ilya, on the other hand, has gone way farther into the realm of ice dancing. He debuts a new mini routine at every game until he finds one that sticks.

Unfortunately, the one that sticks is Rasputin. He does it when they play it as his goal song at home. It’s turned into a remarkable bit of psychological warfare. The song has already been banned from a number of locker rooms, and there’s a petition going around to ban it from the MLH as a whole.

Ilya is unbearably smug about it.

But after March of 2021, as the world crashes down around Shane, he finds himself thinking about it in idle moments.

It doesn’t come to fruition until a few days before the wedding, when Yuuri and Viktor fly in.

They’ve settled on a small backyard ceremony, close friends and family only, and a reception for all of the people that Ilya keeps inviting. Half of the MLH has gotten one at this point, as well as a number of random people on Twitter. Mostly ironically, Shane thinks. Chirping assholes with their wedding date is a new one for Ilya.

But nevertheless, Shane’s cousin takes one look at him and says, “Shun-kun, you haven’t even picked a song yet, have you.”

“No,” he says begrudgingly.

Here’s the thing: Shane can skate just fine. He can perform all of the skills he’s trained over and over and over again. He can do choreography when it’s already been set out.

The music is the problem. He’s never really connected to it, preferring white noise or podcasts or just the ambient sound around him.

Any routine he’s ever done has always been learned through memorizing timing more than matching music. If it makes him seem a little robotic, that’s alright. He’s not doing this for an audience. He does it to train. He does it because it’s all he’s ever known since the day Yuuri first showed him in Ice Castle.

“Ilya has a playlist,” he says finally. “He’s been collecting them.”

“Any that are coming to mind?”

Instead of answering, he hands Yuuri his phone. Yuuri starts scrolling rapidly.

“Maybe not Skryptonite,” he says as he squints down at the playlist. “No club remixes either.”

“I think he has notes on the ones he really likes.”

Yuuri makes a satisfied noise as he opens a different playlist. “This is better. Do you want lyrics or instrumental?”

Shane doesn’t know what to say to that.

“I think an instrumental, maybe acoustic covers for some of these.” He stops for a second on one of them, tapping to find the lyrics. “This will do. Come on, Shun-kun. Go find your fiance. We have work to do.”

And work they do.

The days are busy leading up to the wedding. Ilya made the mistake of mentioning their planning in front of Svetlana and rapidly found control being taken out of their hands, for the reception at least. Shane is just looking forward to being married at this point.

But for a few hours each day, Yuuri and Viktor steal them away to the rink, working them through choreography, adjusting holds and training jumps. The kind of work that leaves Shane exhausted at the end of the day, ready to just collapse.

But after their backyard ceremony at the cottage expands to include so many of their guests that they run out of chairs, they pile into the rink with laughter and cheers.

As Still Into You starts to play over the speakers, Shane only has eyes for his husband.

Ilya looks at him with a smile that Shane desperately wants to kiss. 

He lets everything fall away; everything except Ilya, and him, and the ice beneath their skates.

Chapter End Notes

I hope you liked it! Feel free to tell me what you think!

Quick Notes:

- The emails came about because I started thinking about exactly how Yuna would have started handling the situation in chapter 3.
- I picked Still Into You by Paramore both because Shane and Ilya are millennials but also because it's just so them.

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