Rating:

Not Rated

Archive Warning:

No Archive Warnings Apply

Category:

M/M

Fandom:

Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid

Relationships:

Hayden Pike/Jackie Pike, Shane Hollander/Ilya Rozanov

Characters:

Hayden Pike, Jackie Pike, Shane Hollander, Ilya Rozanov

Additional Tags:

Hayden Pike Finds Out About Shane Hollander/Ilya Rozanov, Good Friend Hayden Pike, POV Hayden Pike, Minor Kip Grady/Scott Hunter, Shane Hollander & Hayden Pike Friendship, Jackie Pike Finds Out About Shane Hollander/Ilya Rozanov, Shane Hollander & Jackie Pike Friendship, Shane Hollander Loves Ilya Rozanov, Shane Hollander Needs a Hug, Coming Out, Shane Hollander Comes Out, Post-Book 2: Heated Rivalry (Game Changers), Pre-Book 6: The Long Game (Game Changers), Skip kiss, Protective Hayden Pike

Language:

English

Stats:

Published: 2026-03-21 Words: 6,909 Chapters: 1/1

and that's the thing about illicit affairs

Summary

Hayden Pike's POV of the Scott Hunter kiss, the phone call, Shane coming out, and eventually learning who Lily is.

Hayden watches the man who is climbing down to the ice. He sits up gingerly, careful not to wake the baby or Ruby. “Jacks?”
Jackie sits up immediately, bleary eyed, “What’s wrong?”
Hayden points to the TV, “Uh?”
“He just hopped the boards.”
Hayden’s transfixed as Scott leads the man onto the ice, spins around, and then they’re kissing. On live TV. Scott Hunter, Captain of the New York fucking Admirals is kissing a man on live TV.
“Well you don’t see that everyday. Pretty big night for hockey. And listen to the crowd, they’re loving this. Good for him. Good for Scott Hunter!”
Hayden tears his eyes away from the TV and looks at his wife. “Holy shit.”
“Swear jar, Daddy,” says Jade, already sliding off the couch to go play like the world hasn’t just tilted on its goddamn axis.
Jackie’s eyes are wide and filling with tears, “Oh my god. Oh my god.” She lets out a shaky laugh, “Oh my god. Hayden, Scott Hunter’s gay. Like Shane’s gay.”
Hayden stares at her, “What?”

Hayden Pike is sprawled on the couch. Jade’s still awake next to him, Jackie and Ruby are knocked out. Arthur is lining up cars in the corner, in his own little world. And Amber, with her brand new tiny little face, is asleep on his chest. The volume is turned most of the way down on what looks pretty much guaranteed to be the final game of the playoffs.

The Admirals are up 4-2, and are just running down the clock. 

That could’ve been us. Hayden thinks it, then tells himself that’s stupid. Sure, if Boston hadn’t fucked Shane up, there’s a better chance they’d have gone to the playoffs. But they also might not have, they’d been scraping their way to a wildcard spot even with Shane. That was hockey. 

Hayden watches Scott Hunter pass the cup off to Carter Vaughn. He doesn’t really know Hunter very well, but Shane likes the guy, and that’s enough for Hayden to like him. The team is celebrating, family comes out to celebrate, Hayden remembers that from their cup wins. He looks down at the newborn on his chest, he’s gotta win another one, she didn’t even exist yet. This year would’ve been three in a row. A dynasty.

He also might’ve missed the birth, away at a playoff game. So… maybe he’s grateful this isn’t their year. 

Hayden looks up and his breath catches. The cameras are trained on Scott Hunter, who has broken away from the rest of his team and the WAGS. And everyone in the league knows Scott Hunter’s got no one to celebrate this huge fucking win with. No wife, no kids, no family to speak of. But he is also clearly calling to someone in the crowd. 

Hayden reaches over Jade for the remote and very slightly turns up the volume to hear what the commentators are saying about this. 

“...Hunter, now trying to get someone’s attention and apparently inviting someone from the crowd down to the rink.”

Hayden watches the man who is climbing down to the ice. He sits up gingerly, careful not to wake the baby or Ruby. “Jacks?”

Jackie sits up immediately, bleary eyed, “What’s wrong?”

Hayden points to the TV, “Uh?”

“He just hopped the boards.”

Hayden’s transfixed as Scott leads the man onto the ice, spins around, and then they’re kissing. On live TV. Scott Hunter, Captain of the New York fucking Admirals is kissing a man on live TV.

“Well you don’t see that everyday. Pretty big night for hockey. And listen to the crowd, they’re loving this. Good for him. Good for Scott Hunter!”

Hayden tears his eyes away from the TV and looks at his wife. “Holy shit.”

“Swear jar, Daddy,” says Jade, already sliding off the couch to go play like the world hasn’t just tilted on its goddamn axis.

Jackie’s eyes are wide and filling with tears, “Oh my god. Oh my god.” She lets out a shaky laugh, “Oh my god. Hayden, Scott Hunter’s gay. Like Shane’s gay.”

Hayden stares at her, “What?”

“Shane,” she says, like he’s stupid, which, sometimes he is. “Your best friend. Hayden. Shane’s gay. He likes men.”

Hayden’s mind is still spinning, “Did he… tell you that?”

“Did he –?” Jackie looks like she wants to kill him if not for the two children sleeping between them, “Jesus, no, Hayden! Of course he didn’t fucking tell me! He’s in the closet! Oh my god, how have you not – it’s Shane.”

Hayden’s stomach flips. No hockey players are gay. That’s not… that’s not a thing.

But why wouldn’t there be gay hockey players? There were gay doctors, gay baristas, gay math teachers, gay janitors, gay CEOs, gay firefighters, gay every other job? Why wouldn’t there also be gay professional hockey players?

And like… the TV is playing the whole kiss again. Clearly there are gay hockey players, because Scott Hunter is kissing his probable boyfriend on the fucking ice of the MLH Cup final.

Hayden looks back at Jackie, “How do you… how long…?”

Jackie shrugged, “I don’t know, he’s never… looked at me. Or any of the girls I’ve tried to set him up with. And he’s always been so… private about everything, I mean except Rose. And then I don’t know, Hayden, you see this man more than you see me, please tell me you noticed how much worse he’s gotten in the last couple months?”

“Uh…” Hayden can’t. Because up until Marlow and Boston, Shane was having an insane hot streak. Ever since the All Stars break. 

Right after things ended with Rose.

Jackie lets out a frustrated sigh, “Hayden. Shane’s always been private, cagey when we ask too many questions about his private life. But since February, he’s been… scared to let anyone see his phone.”

Hayden’s mind is still on the insane Scott Hunter bombshell, “What does that have to do with Shane being gay?”

“He’s seeing someone,” Jackie says patiently, “Someone who matters to him. Oh god, I hope he’s watching this. He’s definitely watching this, right?”

“Shane? Watching the Cup final? Our  Shane Hollander? Yeah, babe, Shane’s watching.”

And shit. Shane’s watching. 

And Hayden knows that Jackie’s right. She usually is, and also, Shane is his best friend. And Hayden’s not wanted to put that label anywhere near his best friend, but he knows it’s the truth. Shane Hollander is gay. 

Gay and in the fucking closet.

Hayden swallows, “You don’t think… Boston Lily?”

Jackie sits up like she’s been dying to talk about this, “One hundred percent a man. Hooking up but ‘not serious’ for years, why would you do that when you’re the Shane Hollander and girls are throwing themselves at you in every city you play in?”

“Shane’s never cared about –”

Hayden stops himself mid-protest. Because he’d been about to say Shane Hollander doesn’t care about sex. Only… Shane’s definitely been hooking up with Boston Lily for years. It’s never an obvious hickey, but they share a room often and a locker room more often, and Hayden’s noticed the odd bite mark, the bruising on Shane’s hips where he’d clearly been held too tightly for a little too long. Shane’s just never cared about hooking up with women.

Jackie’s giving him a smug look, “Okay, so, last year, Boston Lily and Shane… stopped hooking up?”

“Definitely,” says Hayden without needing to think about it. He remembers thinking someone had to be dead, Shane coming back from his mysterious hookup’s place pale and shaky and borderline non-verbal, the Shane Hollander panic attack trifecta.

After that, Shane had stopped looking forward to Boston games. He stopped disappearing for hours. He didn’t even seem to enjoy playing against Boston anymore, and Hayden knew Shane had always thrived playing against Boston, loved the challenge of Rozanov, it was part of Shane’s MLH identity.

Hayden had been surprised that Shane had met Rose Landry, but he hadn’t been surprised that Rose had liked Shane. His reputation as a standup guy not only preceded him, but was accurate. Shane’s funny too, in a sarcastic way that’s almost surprisingly mean once you’re close with him and he knows you can take the joke. But had he seemed happy with Rose? Or just… doing what he was expected to do?

Like Shane always did. As a Captain, as a teammate, as a brand ambassador for Rolex or Nike or whoever the fuck Yuna Hollander had filling Shane’s closet these days. Hayden almost laughs hysterically at the stray thought about Shane’s fucking closet.

This is… this is above Hayden Pike’s straight white man professional athlete privilege. He’s going to say the wrong fucking thing and embarrass his friend and he knows it. He looks at Jackie, “What do I do?”

She huffs out a half-exasperated laugh, “You don’t do or say anything. You love your best friend and you hope he feels safe enough to talk to him.”

Hayden’s not really good at not doing anything. He’s a doer. “I could… I don’t know, try to let him know I’m okay with it?”

His wife raises an eyebrow at him, “Hayden. That’s a terrible idea. You will put your huge foot in your bigger mouth for sure and you will freak him out.”

“So I just pretend I don’t know?” That can’t be the best plan. If Boston Lily really is a guy, Shane’s been hiding this from everyone – from Hayden – for years. He’s never going to tell anyone anything. Except –

Hayden looks back at the TV the game coverage has officially ended but whatever sports broadcast was supposed to be up next has been absolutely derailed by the Scott Hunter Gay Reveal.

Jackie’s voice brings him back to their conversation, “We don’t know anything until Shane tells us himself. Even if we both know that we know.”

“My brain fucking hurts,” moans Hayden.

“Swear jar,” Ruby’s finally rousing a little bit from her couch nap.

For some reason, Amber finds the sound of her older sister just existing offensive and she squalls a little pathetically against Hayden’s sternum.

“She’s hungry,” Jackie says, reaching for their youngest, “I’ve got her, you wrangle everyone else into bed?”

Hayden trades his newborn for the three fully sentient children up past their bedtimes.

 

It’s the off-season, and Hayden has a newborn, and Shane’s still recovering, so he’s not exactly expecting to hear much from Shane, but even he’s surprised to realize that it’s been four weeks since the Scott Hunter kiss and all he’s gotten from Shane is a few sporadic texts, mostly thumbs up reactions to pictures of the kids. 

Hayden meant to check on Shane when Scott Hunter had given made his award acceptance speech into a celebration of his acceptance of his own identity and his partner, Kip something a week or so ago. But then someone had lost a tooth and someone had dropped something down a vent or in a toilet, or needed a snack or something, and Hayden was just now surfacing for air.

Jackie’s sister and her husband are in town to meet the baby, and doubling the number of adults has brought it back to a 1:1 ratio of adults to children, and that’s something.

Hayden’s finally got a minute to breathe and he uses it to call Shane.

Something he regrets. 

At first, Hayden’s babbling, about Jackie and the kids and Shane’s a little… perfunctory asking about the kids and Jackie, but Hayden knows Shane actually does care. And then something shifts. Shane’s one of those guys that’s not great at pretending to be interested in something when he’s not.  And Hayden’s used to redirecting himself or at least not taking it personally when Shane starts zoning out, but then Shane doesn’t jump on Hayden’s hockey segue. Which is very not Shane. 

Hayden considers himself pretty intimately familiar with Shane Hollander after most of a decade. He knows what shampoo Shane likes, his clothing and shoe sizes, the exact tape brand he uses and the particular way Shane tapes his stick, he knows the exact tremble that means Shane’s going to have a full on panic attack, and which one means Shane’s going to pull himself together before it gets that far. 

He knows now what Shane sounds like when he’s about to cum.

Shane’s… doing his best. He put Hayden on hold for the actual moment, but Hayden wishes he could unhear the soft groan, the hitch in Shane’s breath, the stutter as he loses focus on the conversation and fails to make a not-shitty excuse for it. And then he says something about calling Hayden later in the week. “Love you man, give my best to Jackie and the kids.” And then Shane’s just… gone.

Hayden finds Jackie coming out of Arthur’s room, having just managed the impossible feat of getting all four kids down for a nap at the same time. She frowns at the look that must be on his face, “Honey? What’s wrong?”

Hayden doesn’t know what to say, but he wishes he had thought about it more, because what comes out is, “Shane just blew me off. Because someone was blowing him.”

Jackie cackles, then slaps a hand over her mouth so none of their kids wake up, “What?”

Hayden can’t help that he sounds a little whiny, “I called Shane and he was, someone was… you know, definitely giving him a blowjob and he put me on mute a couple times and then he made up an excuse to hang up.”

Jackie’s delighted, “So he’s with someone, like we thought?”

“It definitely sounded like it,” says Hayden, wishing again he wasn’t so sure.

“I can’t wait to meet him,” says Jackie, “He must be special, if Shane likes him. He’s so focused on the game, on the team, he wouldn’t spend time away from that with someone if he didn’t really like him, right?”

Hayden shrugs, but he figures Jackie’s assessment of Shane is probably pretty accurate. 

They gravitate to the couch. Jackie rests her head on Hayden’s shoulder, her eyes close. They’re done having more kids. Four is perfect. They’re exhausted.

Jackie’s mouth turns up at the corners even though her eyes are still closed. She’s so fucking beautiful. “I hope Shane tells you soon. I can’t wait to meet this guy.”

“Me too,” says Hayden, and he means it. 

Jackie asks, “Do you think it’s Boston Lily?”

Hayden shrugs, “I don’t know, I thought they were back together before Shane’s injury. Like… he went to see him in Boston and they were texting again. Texting more I think. But I don’t know, they text all the time, but they only see each other in Boston, and sometimes I think here.”

Jackie frowns and her eyes flutter open, “They’d see each other here?”

Hayden shrugs, “I don’t know, Jacks. Shane’s kind of a private guy, and it’s not like I’m his mother.” Lord knows, Hayden has enough on his plate keeping track of his actual kids, and they can’t even get very far on their own yet. 

“But Boston Lily lives in Boston,” says Jackie, tilting her head to look at Hayden, “How often is she – he – coming to Montreal?”

Hayden shrugs, “I don’t know? A few times a year?”

Jackie’s frown deepens, “That must be hard. He comes here a few times a year, Shane plays in Boston a few times a year… they’re always… missing each other. That’s sad.”

It is sad. Hayden finds being away from Jackie and the kids for a couple weeks at a time to be hard, but now that he really thinks about only seeing Jackie as often as Shane sees Boston Lily… that sounds awful. And they’ve been doing it for years. 

Hayden kisses Jackie’s face until her eyes slide closed again and her mouth twitches back into a smile. “Should we just tell him we know?”

Jackie stops smiling, “Oh no, we shouldn’t take that moment from him, or get him to come out before he’s ready. We just need to be here for him, until he’s ready.”

And while Hayden still doubts that Shane’s ever going to open up to them, he has to admit, it’s an easy plan. And right now, with four kids and a few precious weeks off, easy sounds great. 

 

It's the first skate of the year.

And Hayden’s used to Shane being early to practice, he’s not expecting to find Shane already looking wiped from a self-imposed set of drills. Though Hayden guesses, last time he actually saw Shane on the ice, he was being carried off it on a stretcher, so it probably wasn’t so surprising that he was trying to prove himself. 

Hayden locks into the drills. He loves playing for the Voyageurs and as much as he’s always trying to get Shane to lighten up, he kind of loves how much playing on Shane’s wing pushes him. 

When they’re finally released for the day, Hayden nearly falls into his stall, “Holy shit. Every year I say I’m going to work out more in the summer and every year the first skate kills my ass.”

Shane laughs beside him, “Every year, I tell you it’s your own fault.”

Hayden grins, “Wow, thanks, my best friend.”

Shane snorts and unlaces his skates. He stops short of taking them off, distracted by his phone. Hayden doesn’t need to ask who it is. Shane’s got that soft Boston Lily look on his face. He scoffs at whatever the message is, and looks even more fond as he types something back. When Shane’s moved on to the showers, JJ points at Shane’s phone sticking half out of his bag, “He is still texting the girl from Boston?”

Hayden shrugs, “You know Shane, he won’t say shit about it.”

JJ rolls his eyes.

Hayden follows Shane towards the showers so he can have his own.

When they’re both dressed again, Hayden offers, “Hey, Jackie says if you want to come for dinner, she’ll make your gross food.”

He’s expecting Shane to blow him off, but Shane agrees immediately, “Sure, thanks!”

Wifey ♥️

Wifey ♥️: milk please 

Wifey ♥️: and ice cream or there will be riots

Shane said yes to dinner

Anything else we need??

Wifey ♥️: just you

Wifey ♥️: how is he??

Normal I guess

For Shane

Definitely texting with Lily

And Shane is normal. As much as Shane is ever normal. He plays harder than ever. He’s even more intense at practices. He is only spotted in Boston when there’s a mandatory practice or game or team obligation, otherwise, he’s gone from the moment they land to the moment they need to leave for the airport. Things with “Lily” seem to have gotten more serious.

Shane takes their elimination in round one of the playoffs hard. Or at least, that’s what Hayden thinks, until Shane mentions he’s going to the cottage and he accidentally says ‘we’ instead of ‘I’. 

The playoffs come and go with barely a mention of the groundbreaking anniversary of the Scott Hunter kiss. 

In July, Rozanov breaks the hockey internet-sphere with the news he’s using his UFA status to trade to Ottawa. Hayden’s not sure why anyone, especially Ilya Rozanov, would willingly trade to the worst team in the league, and give the team that drafted him – the one he won a Cup for, the one that built their franchise around him for the last eight years – absolutely nothing in return.

The Voyageurs group chat goes nuts speculating. Shane rarely engages in any conversation in the group chat that’s not directly related to the team logistics, but Hayden asks him about it one night while they’re watching tennis on his couch.

Shane tenses for a half a second, then shrugs, “I’m sure he has his reasons.”

Hayden sighs, “Well, I’m not going to miss him in Boston.”

Shane chuckles, “He’s still going to be in Ottawa.”

“Yeah well, the rest of the team sucks so bad, he’ll be the only thing we have to worry about,” says Hayden.

Shane’s mouth flattens into a frown, “Right.”

Hayden narrows his eyes, “What?”

“Nothing,” Shane deflects.

But Hayden doesn’t want to deflect, “No, what?”

Shane shrugs, “It can’t be an easy choice to leave Boston, to move countries again. Go to a shitty team. And like, isn’t it more fun to win when it’s not fucking easy?”

Hayden asks, “What happened to hating him?”

Shane shrugged, “He’s not that bad.”

Hayden raises an eyebrow, “Rozanov? Not that bad? He’s an asshole.”

“He’s an asshole,” Shane agrees, “But… you can be an asshole and also just a human guy, right? It’s not like… he’s not Dallas Kent. He’s just mouthy.”

And that’s… not a bad point. “If you go soft on Rozanov the league’s gonna lose their shit.”

Shane grimaces, “Look we’re gonna kick Ottawa’s ass, right? But why not lighten up on the whole… Hollander vs Rozanov thing? Aren’t people sick of that?”

Hayden frowns, “Uh, no, pretty sure the whole point is they’re not.”

Shane looks so unhappy about that. Hayden knows they played on the same team at last year’s All Stars Game and the league had delighted in finding that they played shockingly well together, and were even more happy to see that they’d gone right back to destroying each other afterward, at least until Marlow flattened Shane. Hayden also knows Rozanov had paid Shane a visit after that, Captain to Captain, which he had to admit was pretty classy. Shane and Rozanov had always kind of been like that though, they both seemed to take being team captains seriously.

Hayden asks, “What, you want to be friends with the guy?”

Shane flinches, “What? No! I – I just said he’s not as big an asshole as he lets people think.”

Hayden asks about Shane’s plans for the rest of the summer. Brand deals, some time at the cottage, some time in Ottawa visiting his parents, the promise to visit often – something Hayden’s sure the kids will hold Uncle Shane to until he follows through.

 

It’s a Saturday practice in early October when Shane finally speaks his truth. It’s not often Shane wants to address the room, especially at a practice, but he calls everyone’s attention. “Hey. So. I don’t want to make a big deal, and I’m not announcing anything to the press or anything, I just…” 

Shane looks like he’s going to throw up, and Hayden sees what’s coming just a few seconds before the words tumble out of his mouth, “You guys are like family to me. So just wanted you to know, I’m gay.”

The locker room goes absolutely silent. No one moves. After a moment too long, Hayden realizes he’s gotta move. He stands up and hugs Shane, hard, “Thanks for telling us, Captain.”

Shane’s stiff in his arms, then hesitantly relaxes into the hug for half a second before pushing Hayden away, “Thanks, Hayd.”

There’s a few half-hearted words of affirmation or acknowledgement from some others then. Overall a very non-reaction. Hayden watches as Shane waits until every single other player has showered before he goes for his.

Hayden waits for Shane, but can’t convince him to come home with him to Jackie and the kids. 

He’s barely in the front door, a twin hanging off each leg before he’s telling Jackie everything, “He just said it, to the whole team.”

Jackie seems worried about the less than encouraging reception, which honestly, Hayden’s pretty worried about also.

He’s not any less worried, when he arrives next practice, finds Shane already in his gear, and watches helplessly as Shane exits the locker room as the next few guys start trickling in behind Hayden.

Shane once again waits after practice until everyone’s showered. Hayden waits, “Dude. You can’t keep doing this. It’s going to stay weird if you let it be weird.”

Shane’s cheeks turn pink, “I just don’t want anyone to be uncomfortable.”

Hayden snorts, “Did you wake up newly and miraculously gay on Saturday?”

Shane shakes his head, “No.”

“Well then they’ve been showering with a gay guy just fine for years,” says Hayden. He’s not the smartest guy, especially about this stuff, but he feels like he might actually be nailing this, “They can get over it, or they can be a bunch of pussies about it, but its your locker room too, and you don’t need to cater to their delicate fucking sensibilities.”

Shane’s shoulders relax a bit. 

Hayden feels brave, “So are you finally going to tell me about the guy you’re seeing?”

Shane freezes, “What?”

“I know you’re back together with Boston Lily,” says Hayden in what he hopes is a friendly and chill way, “Who obviously isn’t named Lily. Can we be done with the secrecy, please?”

Shane’s face goes blank, “Not yet, Hayd. Please.”

Hayden frowns, “Whoa, hey, dude, I promise, I am so fucking cool with this. I love you man, whoever Lily is, I’m sure he’s great. I’ll be cool.”

Shane shakes his head, “He’s uh, not out either. I just… I can’t, okay?”

The next day, Shane’s already on the ice when Hayden gets to practice fifteen minutes early. But when Therriault dismisses them, Shane heads for the showers and ignores the tension of half a dozen guys waiting on him now.

 

Hayden doesn’t ask again, until a few weeks later, they’re in Boston, and Shane flops on the bed and turns on the Ottawa game. Hayden frowns, “What are you doing here?”

Shane groans, “It’s my fucking hotel room, if you’re gonna have phone sex with Jackie, you can leave. I’m fucking exhausted man.”

Hayden gawks at his best friend, “Aren’t you going to Lily’s?”

Shane’s breathing hitches, “Lily’s not in Boston anymore.”

Hayden lets the game fill the silence for a minute. Rozanov just scored a goal late in the third period, but it’s not going to save the Centaurs from a brutal loss against the Admirals.

The game ends and Shane leaves the TV on so they can watch the post game media while they get ready for bed. 

Wifey ♥️

Wifey ♥️: GOAL! I’m so proud of you!!

Boston Lily left Boston

Wifey ♥️: what?

Wifey ♥️: where’d he go???

Shane didn’t say

Wifey ♥️: ASK HIM?!?!?!

Wifey ♥️: HAYDEN DETAILS PLEASE

One sec

Hayden sets his phone down cautiously. Shane’s smiling at his own phone. 

Hayden asks, “Where’d he go? Lily?”

“Uh, Ottawa,” says Shane, distracted by his phone. He freezes after he says it, like he’s realizing too late he wasn’t supposed to.

“Ottawa?” Hayden’s head is going to explode, “That’s so much closer! Holy shit, dude! That’s great!”

Shane doesn’t look like he agrees. He looks like he’s going to be sick. 

Hayden’s about to text Jackie and ask for how to get more details from Shane, but as he reaches for it, he sees a replay of Rozanov’s goal on TV. 

“Ha, speaking of people who moved from Boston to Ottawa,” Hayden laughs, “Hey, if I didn’t know any better, I’d think maybe your mystery guy was Rozanov.”

He’s expecting that to break the tension. For Shane to laugh and tell him to fuck off. Shane’s face twists like Hayden just suggested they go get matching vasectomies for fun. “Yeah, that’d be crazy.”

Only there’s no emotion there. No conviction. It’s like Shane’s reading a ransom note with a gun to his fucking head. 

Oh fuck. No.

No. 

Absolutely fucking not. 

Hayden sits bolt upright, “Shane?”

Shane won’t look Hayden in the eyes, “Shane! Fucking stop looking like I’m gonna hit you! What the fuck? Are you fucking Rozanov?”

Shane’s eyes close, “Jesus fucking Christ.”

It’s not a no.

Hayden’s brain is spinning at top speed, putting every Boston Lily incident and every Boston game side by side, going back… shit he doesn’t know how far back to go. A long way. Years. 

Shane finally looks at Hayden, eyes filling with tears, “Please don’t hate me?”

All the air is sucked out of the room. Hayden asks, “Hate you? Buddy, what the fuck? I don’t hate you.”

Shane shakes his head, but no words come out. Hayden swings his body so they’re sitting on the beds, facing one another, knees nearly touching in the space between the mattresses, “Hey, Shane, breathe, man. It’s… fuck, I was joking. I didn’t actually think… fuck, you are, right?”

Shane stands up abruptly, “I gotta make a call. I’ll be right back. Promise.”

Hayden lets Shane go.

He dives for his own phone.

Wifey ♥️

Wifey ♥️: GOAL! I’m so proud of you!!

Boston Lily left Boston

Wifey ♥️: what?

Wifey ♥️: where’d he go???

Shane didn’t say

Wifey ♥️: ASK HIM?!?!?!

Wifey ♥️: HAYDEN DETAILS PLEASE

One sec

YOU ARE GOING TO DIE

I KNOW WHO LILY IS

OH MY GOD JACKIE SHANE IS FREAKING THE FUCK OUT

OH MY GOD THIS IS THE WORST

Wifey ♥️: ???

Wifey ♥️: Is Shane ok???

Wifey ♥️: What is wrong???

I’ll call you as soon as I can

Shane comes back in, looking nauseous and pale, and maybe like he’s been crying. He’s still on the phone, but he’s whispering, “Yeah, yeah, I’m… I’m okay. I gotta deal with this. Okay. Yeah. Love you too.”

Shane sits down on the bed again facing Hayden, “You probably have questions.”

“Uh…” Hayden’s got so many questions, he’s not sure which one to ask first, “Maybe you start.”

Shane lets out a long breath through his nose, “Okay. Uh, yeah, I love Ilya.”

“Love,” Hayden repeats, “Ilya. Ilya Rozanov. Your actual arch-enemy Ilya Rozanov.”

Shane grimaces, “We’re not enemies. We’re rivals. We’re also… boyfriends.”

“Boyfriends,” Hayden repeats, “What the fuck, Shane? For how long?”

“Since last summer,” says Shane, “After Hunter and his boyfriend.”

Hayden knows what he knows though, “And before that?”

Shane swallows, Adam’s apple bobbing in his throat, “We started hooking up between the draft and our rookie season.”

And that’s worse than Hayden had already puzzled out. “Holy fucking shit. So all the time everyone said you hated each other, you were… what? Fuckbuddies?”

“I don’t know,” Shane says, “I guess? We weren’t even friends then really? We were just… I don’t know, two kids who were under a lot of pressure, who had the same secret and the sex was good.”

Hayden thinks back to every mark on Shane’s body over the years, “That’s a fucking stupid, dangerous thing to do, you had to know that?”

Shane laughs dryly, “Yeah, we knew that.”

Hayden stares at the phone still clutched in Shane’s hands, “And you really love him? Rozanov?”

Shane nods, “Yes. I fucking love him.”

Hayden buries his head in his hand, “Holy fucking shit. People are going to lose their minds.”

“People won’t,” says Shane sharply, “Because no one is going to find out.” He looks Hayden right in the eye, “You’re not going to tell anyone.”

“No!” Hayden rushes to speak, “No, of course not! I wouldn’t – I mean, Jackie, but no one else.”

Shane hesitates, then nods, “Okay. Jackie. Hayd, if anyone finds out about Ilya… it’s illegal.”

Hayden blinks, “What?”

“In Russia,” says Shane, “To be queer. For anyone, but especially a public figure. It’s illegal.”

Fucking hell.

“So fucking stupid,” Hayden mutters, “I… I didn’t even think Rozanov was gay. He’s famously kind of a fuckboy.”

Shane winces, “He’s bisexual. We weren’t serious or anything until last year. Couldn’t be. Fuck, we still shouldn’t be, but we are.”

Hayden puts a hand on Shane’s knee, “Hey, listen. I… I don’t get it. Like, I’m trying to picture, I don’t know what the fuck, but like when I think Rozanov I just hear him shit talking your backhand and my skating and I don’t see what that guy could possibly be like off the ice that would be any better.” He starts talking faster at the look on Shane’s face, “But I believe you, okay? If you say you love him, if you say he’s different than people think, I believe you. And I’m going to keep your secret. And I just want you to be happy and safe, okay?”

Shane’s face crumples and he tips forward into Hayden’s arms and he sobs. Hayden holds his best friend for a long time, “Yeah, good, that’s good.”

When Shane finally regains some composure, he mumbles an apology. Hayden pats him on the shoulder, “Hey, you’ve been carrying around this huge fucking secret for years. I have no idea how the fuck you’ve been doing that.”

Shane asks, “You’re really not mad?”

Hayden shakes his head, “I wish you’d felt like you could tell me, but like… I get why you weren’t ready. And I’m sorry if you weren’t ready now, I really didn’t mean to put you on the fucking spot, dude.”

“I, uh, I probably should’ve played it off a little better.” Shane doesn’t quite manage a smile.

Hayden laughs anyways, “Yeah, probably. What are you guys doing, for real? How long are you going to keep this up for?”

Shane shrugs, “Until we’re retired.”

Hayden’s jaw drops, “What the fuck?” Shane’s twenty seven years old. He’s got at least another ten years of hockey in him, probably closer to twenty. His whole life revolves around hockey. He’s already been keeping this secret for eight years. 

Shane shrugs again helplessly, “We have to.”

And Hayden can’t disagree with that, but the idea makes his stomach hurt. What kind of life is that going to be?

He remembers the game that had prompted this whole thing, “Is this why Rozanov moved to Ottawa?”

Shane nods, “Yeah.”

“For you?”

“Yeah.”

Hayden has to close his eyes, “Holy shit, Shane.”

“I know,” Shane says, “We’re, uh, we’re uh, trying to make it… I don’t know, we’re starting a charity together, so people will know we’re friends. That we don’t hate each other. Then, you know, if someone saw us together, it wouldn’t looks so… fucking insane?”

Hayden opens his eyes, “A charity?”

Shane nods, “Uh, The Irina Foundation. We’re gonna run hockey camps in the summers. One week in Ottawa, one in Montreal, and donate the money to mental health organizations. And, uh, we’re gonna make the coaches, like, inclusive. Scott Hunter, and uh, some players from the women’s teams, and…” Shane trails off, “It’s just a little thing, a baby step.”

It’s a safety valve. People are going to lose their minds about it anyways, and it’s a long long way from the truth.

“You’ve really thought about this, like a lot,” says Hayden.

Shane scrubs at his face, “Uh, yeah. I have.”

Hayden nods, “Okay. Well. Is he going to keep being an unbearable asshole?”

Shane does smile this time, just a little, “Yeah, probably.”

“Great,” Hayden says flatly, “Happy for you, buddy.”

Shane’s smile widens a little, “He’s going to love Jackie.”

Hayden groans, “Oh god, we’re going to have to, like, see him now, aren’t we? Okay, well, she’s been dying to meet your man, so she’s probably going to be thrilled.”

Shane nods, “We should, like, have dinner or something. At my place.”

Hayden shrugs, “Okay.”

Shane stands up, then hesitates, “I’m gonna grab another shower, uh, if that’s cool with you?”

Hayden nods, “Yeah, uh, I should call Jackie, the twins might not be asleep yet.”

Shane moves to the bathroom, but Hayden hears over the sound of the water that Shane’s on the phone again.

He lunges for his phone. Jackie picks up on the first ring, “Hayd? What is going on?”

“Boston Lily is Ilya fucking Rozanov,” blurts Hayden all in one breath.

Jackie’s so quiet, that Hayden pulls the phone away from his ear slightly to see if they call is still connected.

“What?”

“Ilya Rozanov,” Hayden repeats, “Shane’s in love with Ilya Rozanov.”

“Holy shit,” says Jackie, “Oh my God. What? When did this happen? How did this happen? How did you find out?”

Hayden relays everything back to Jackie. He’s just finishing up when Shane comes out of the bathroom. Jackie must hear something in the background, because she asks, “Can you put me on speaker?”

“One sec,” says Hayden. Shane gives him a quizzical look as Hayden holds the phone between them. 

Jackie, a perfect woman in literally every imaginable way, says softly, “Shane? Hey, thank you for trusting me. You didn’t have to let Hayden tell me.”

Shane shrugs, “I wouldn’t ask Hayden to keep a secret from you. I know you won’t tell anyone.”

“I won’t,” promises Jackie, “Oh my god, this is insane though. You’ve been seeing him all this time?”

“Always,” confirms Shane, “We’re… I love him.”

Jackie says, “I am so sorry for all the girlfriends I tried to set you up with. I just worried you were lonely.”

“I – I was,” says Shane, surprisingly honestly, “For a really long time.”

Jackie’s got more questions that Hayden hasn’t even thought to ask, “Who else knows about you?”

“My parents,” says Shane, “That’s it.” Anticipating the follow-up question Shane adds, “Last summer, my dad walked in on us at my cottage. They’ve, uh, been good. He’s, like, their new favorite kid, I think.”

Hayden still can’t picture Shane and Rozanov as friends, let alone boyfriends, he really can’t picture loud cocky asshole Rozanov hanging out with Shane’s mild-mannered dad or down-to-business mom. He can’t imagine either of Shane’s parents even jokingly liking anyone more than their beloved only son.

Jackie’s still going, “If he’s Lily in your phone, what’s your name in his phone?”

Shane honest-to-God blushes, “Jane.”

“That’s so fucking stupid,” says Jackie, “But it works, I guess. Is, uh, is he okay that we know?”

Shane swallows, “Uh, yeah. I mean, we aren’t planning to tell anyone, but, like, he knows Hayden’s my best friend. That you’d never hurt me. And people finding out about us, about him, that would hurt me.”

“I can’t wait to meet him,” says Jackie, “I mean, like, as your boyfriend, obviously.”

Shane’s cheeks turn even more pink, “Yeah, me too.”

Jackie asks, “Is it weird to play against each other?”

“It’s great,” says Shane immediately, “Uh, my favorite games. I play better. Like, statistically, we makes each other better players.” And of course Shane’s got statistical evidence that this relationship isn’t as bad as people think. But for the first time, Hayden maybe sees what Shane sees in Rozanov. Shane’s the most competitive guy he knows and the most talented hockey player of their generation. Of course he’d date someone who was equally competitive and comparatively talented, someone who not only didn’t mind how much Shane cared about hockey, but cared just as much.

Jackie says, “Okay, well, text me or Hayden when we can meet him, okay? I should go to bed, Amber’s been waking up at 4:30 all fucking week.”

Hayden takes the phone off speaker, “I love you so much, baby.”

“Love you too,” she says, “Look after him, please?”

“Always,” Hayden says, out of the corner of his eye, he sees Shane already texting, “Goodnight, I love you, I’ll see you real soon.”

He hangs up. Shane looks up immediately, “Are we…?”

“All good,” Hayden promises.

Shane hesitates before asking, “So you and Jackie, like, speculated about me?”

Hayden shrugs, “Just, like, sometimes. We were, like, so far off base. Mostly, we just knew you had someone, and we hoped he was, like, good to you.”

“He is,” says Shane, though Hayden still can’t imagine that’s really true.

But, he’ll try, for Shane. God. “Look, I think I hate your boyfriend. An hour ago, I thought you hated your boyfriend. But, like, I know you would never risk all of this if you weren’t sure about him. You love him. I’ll learn to put up with him, probably. Eventually.”

Shane laughs, “Okay. Yeah. Fair.”

Hayden asks quietly, “How does it, like, work?”

“Pretty much like it did before,” says Shane, “Just, like, he’s closer now. The schedules are fucking… impossible sometimes, but if we’re able to be in Ottawa or Montreal at the same time, we are.”

Hayden sighs, “So, like, is this why you’ve been so…?”

Shane’s eyebrows raise, his jaw tenses, “So what?”

“Practicing early, practicing late, on a fucking warpath like it’s round two of the playoffs when it’s fucking early November?” Hayden says quietly, “You’re going to hurt yourself, or burn out, or something. I know things have been… weird with the guys since you told them you were gay, but like, you were doing this before that.”

“I’m not doing anything,” says Shane in a way that clearly meant he knew exactly what Hayden was talking about.

“You can drag this team kicking and screaming on your back to another Cup,” says Hayden, “You probably will. It won’t make a difference. You know they won’t understand. I… I don’t know if I really understand. But you can’t kill yourself trying to make up for something that they don’t even know about. It’s not going to help us win.”

Shane’s jaw is still clenched, “I know that. I just… I need us to win. They’ll… forget if I win. Or care less. Or something.”

Hayden’s heart hurts, “Buddy, I hope to God that’s true, but if it’s not… you’re the Captain, no matter what they think. That’s the only thing that should matter.”

“Thanks,” says Shane, though he doesn’t sound like that makes him feel better. It probably doesn’t, Hayden thinks. It’s not like he and Shane haven’t talked before, about how the race thing has affected his captaincy, and the last few weeks, the gay thing hasn’t made that any better. 

“I can’t believe Yuna and David are cool with this,” says Hayden.

“Oh if Mom had her way,” says Shane, “I’d be the new Scott Hunter. But, uh, they’ve been cool. They like Ilya a lot.”

“I am gonna need some time to get used to that,” says Hayden, “Uh, but if things are that serious, I guess I like, have the time?”

Shane smiles to himself, “It’s that serious.”

Hayden asks, “So like… if Scott Hunter hadn’t kissed his boyfriend last year?”

Shane shrugs, “I don’t know, we might’ve just stayed hookups. Or stopped, or I don’t know. It felt like it changed something, even if we’re still having to hide it.”

Hayden’s reaching his limits for one day, “I’m happy. For you anyways.”

“Thanks,” says Shane softly. “Can I turn off the light?”

Hayden nods, “Sure. Goodnight, man.”