Rating:

Mature

Archive Warning:

Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings

Category:

M/M

Fandoms:

Game Changers | Heated Rivalry - All Media Types, Heated Rivalry (TV), Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid

Relationships:

Shane Hollander/Ilya Rozanov, Shane Hollander & Rose Landry, Jean-Jacques Boiziau | J. J. Dagenais & Shane Hollander & Hayden Pike, Ottawa Centaurs Team Ensemble & Ilya Rozanov, Boston Bears | Boston Raiders Team Ensemble & Ilya Rozanov, Shane Hollander & Montreal Voyageurs | Montreal Metros Team Ensemble, Troy Barrett/Harris Drover

Characters:

Shane Hollander, Ilya Rozanov, Montreal Voyageurs | Montreal Metros WAGs Ensemble (Game Changers), Jackie Pike, Hayden Pike, Yuna Hollander, Farah Jalali, Jean-Jacques Boiziau | J. J. Dagenais, Marie-Philip Poulin, Rose Landry, Montreal Voyageurs | Montreal Metros Team Ensemble (Game Changers), Boston Bears | Boston Raiders Team Ensemble (Game Changers), Cliff Marlow | Cliff Marleau, Connors (Heated Rivalry), Carter Vaughn, Zane Boodram, Scott Hunter (Game Changers), David Hollander, Wyatt Hayes, Ottawa Centaurs Team Ensemble (Game Changers), Ottawa Centaurs WAGs Ensemble (Game Changers), Luca Haas, Troy Barrett, Harris Drover

Additional Tags:

Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Crack Treated Seriously, inspired by a tumblr post, POV Alternating, POV Outsider, Fluff, Fluff and Crack, Crack, Fluff and Humor, Humor, Identity Porn, Secret Identity, Identity Reveal, Mixed Media, Book Club, Texting, Emails, Romance Novel, reddit, Newspaper Articles, Goodreads, Documentaries, Instagram, Compulsory Heterosexuality, Romance Novelist Shane Hollander, Tuna Melt Canon Divergence, Shane Hollander Loves Ilya Rozanov, Ilya Rozanov Loves Shane Hollander, Ilya Rozanov's Montreal Jane, Shane Hollander's Boston Lily, Implied/Referenced Sexual Assault, Married Shane Hollander/Ilya Rozanov, Relationship Reveal, Montreal Voyageurs | Montreal Metros Player Shane Hollander, Supportive Montreal Voyageurs | Montreal Metros, Hockey Players Mic'd Up on the Ice (Game Changers), Spoilers for Book 6: The Long Game (Game Changers), Fanwork Research & Reference Guides

Language:

English

Series:

Part 7 of crackin' open a cold one

Collections:

These are the stories and series that I have at least reread twice., Dumb Bullshit to satiate my Escapism, Best of - 🔥Heated Rivalry, RainyBugs_Hollanov_Yay!, Read & Loved Heated Rivalry Fics, Busywork and Bureaucracy, All the faves, ✨ The Best of Hollanov✨🏒✨, elian’s favorites <3, Where Books Change The Wolrd, Emeralds_Late_Night_Reads, I need sunshine ☀️🏒 ~ Heated Rivalry (Game Changers) fics, Fics LunaK does not want to lose track of, the reason i'm an insomniac, «ajx» Characters Explores Fandom, «Ajx» Characters Explores Social Media, Spade Z FaveZ, Read & Loved Media Fics, Lazer's Social Media fics, Zulie's Best of Heated Rivalry, Sixty’s Gay Hockey Hall of Fame, In this glass house we are free

Stats:

Published: 2026-05-15 Completed: 2026-08-29 Words: 98,000 Chapters: 28/28

jane dutch

Summary

Shane Hollander has a secret life. No, not the one where he's hiding his trysts with his rival.

He's a pseudonymous hockey romance author under the alias Jane Dutch.

And the Metros WAGs have just picked up his first release for their book club...

Extras start at chapter 26!

Notes

If you haven't seen the post on Tumblr:

deliciousblizzardshark:
Shane writes hockey romance* novels in his spare time and publishes them under a pseudonym (John Dutch) and no one knows except his agent.

A wag somewhere picks one up and discovers the hockey is really accurate and well written from a technical perspective (plus it’s super hot) and convinces her boyfriend or husband or whatever to read it and then somehow it becomes popular among hockey players as a thing that’s kind of a gag but people are also seriously reading it.

Ilya is extremely confused that CLIFF is trying to convince him to read a book but figures he’ll give it a try. Fifty pages in, reading the book on the plane, he suddenly realizes he recognizes the sex scene.

He never says anything to Shane, but starts casually leaving Shane’s books lying around for Shane to notice during their hook-ups.

*i was going to go with ‘gay hockey romance novels’ but then realized cishet hockey romance novels would be objectively funnier

ART!

EDIT 5/24/2026: skargasm made a beautiful banner that looks exactly like how I imagined the cover of Moment of Truth to look! Please check it out and give them some love!

EDIT 5/26/2026: shallswrites also made some gorgeous cover art! Please check it out and give them some love!

EDIT 5/28/2026: Strangemagpie also made some lovely cover art, including an in-universe cover for Face-Off! Please check it out and give them some love!

EDIT 6/9/2026: Strawberry2309 wrote another fic in which Shane starts writing hockey romance novels! Please check it out and give them some love!

• Inspired by Tumblr Post: Shane Writes Hockey Romance Novels in his Spare Time by deliciousblizzardshark

Chapter 1: Icebreaker

Chapter Notes

Shane doesn’t mean for it to get as big as it does.

It’s not like he’s not a busy hockey player.

It’s not like there aren’t other things he could be doing with his free time.

But he picks up the book Jackie Bergeron is in the middle of reading for the Metros’ WAGs book club while he is at Hayden's house and immediately has to put it down.

For one thing, the sex is bad. 

And the hockey is worse.

He thinks to himself, I could do better than that.

And it spirals out from there.

It’s become a habit at this point. He has a running document of concepts. During the season, he picks one to write during plane rides when he’s not watching tape. He gives himself word count goals and blasts past them while he's trying to ignore Comeau and Roy arguing in the row across from him.

He sends his drafts to Farah and lets her have her wicked way with them. He’s never actually talked to the publisher. Farah takes care of all of that. She emails him comments on his drafts and makes sure his advanced reading copies all have plain covers.

Each summer, he spends one afternoon signing insert pages with a stylized J.D. and the occasional doodle of a stick and puck.

Jane Dutch is simply another pseudonymous writer on the hockey romance scene.

No one is ever going to find out, because why would they?

It’s not like anyone is ever taking that close of a look at Shane’s notebooks.

It’s not like anyone’s ever going to know what he’s been basing them off of.

2010-2011

He starts writing the first one in October of 2010, after he takes one glance at Jackie's book club read. He's not much of a reader, but holy shit, the hockey is so bad.

It's like the author had never even been on skates. Or been to a game.

The story really comes secondary to the hockey. He finds himself planning out a theoretical season for this fictional team, playing with conference lineups to make it a little less true to life, calculating the point values necessary to get Max Taylor to have emotionally significant conflicts during the playoffs.

It's more...fun, than he expected it to be. Sometimes he'll insert a snippet of a game the Metros have just played, go back over it in writing so he can understand where the lines are not connecting. He brings up an insight once in tape review and gets an impressed look from Theriault. They work his adjusted play into the next game, and he scores off of it, so of course he has to continue.

The romance aspect comes a little bit less easily.

Max isn't him. And Lizzy isn't definitely Jessica. He tries to think on the way some of the other players have talked about meeting their wives.

But he keeps coming back to room 1410. 

He keeps coming back to how it felt to have Rozanov take the reins. How it felt to be enveloped like that, taken in a tide of lust and pure id.

He brings in room 1221, after All-Stars, the anticipation of it stirring in his bones.

Icebreaker by Jane Dutch

“Max glances up into the crowd and meets a familiar brown-eyed gaze, one he hasn’t seen since he left Kitchener for the big leagues. Lizzy Anderson is wearing his jersey with a sad smile on her face…”

In Jane Dutch’s debut novel, superstar Max Taylor comes back to his hometown for a charity exhibition game, only to run into his biggest what if—childhood friend and resident artist Lizzy Anderson. This second chance romance brings a sharp new perspective on what it takes to be the best in the game, and whether love is enough to bridge the gap.

“Some of the most accurate hockey I’ve ever seen on the page, and a love story that is all sweetness and spice when it really comes down to it. Jane Dutch is a fresh new voice in the hockey romance scene, and we’re all excited to see what she’s bringing to the table.” ~ The New York Times

Summer 2016

Chapter End Notes

I hope you liked it! Feel free to tell me what you think.

Quick Notes:

- Sorry for dropping off the face of the earth! I got hit by the AO3 Author's curse as soon as I finished the In All But Name series, but I'm out of the hospital now and well on my road to recovery!
- As a result, this fic is probably going to be a bit slower going. I'm planning on shorter chapters, like the first one, but you know how I am.
- We are playing with the timeline a bit--Shane's perspective is a bit of a general view of how his writing is going, while the Metros WAGs are reading Jane Dutch's books for their book club starting in August of 2016, so Jane Dutch already has 4 books out. I'll be flipping back and forth between Shane writing the books and the ladies reading them/sharing them.
- I will leave it up to you as to whether the sex in Shane's books is actually good; the way I'm interpreting it, he's taking some of the detail of his hookups with Ilya and changing the genitals involved. I can't see him not at least trying to be accurate about it, so it's hot, but the perspective can get a little bit weird sometimes.
- Jacqueline Bergeron and Hayden Pike get married in 2012, but they meet early on during Shane's rookie year of 2010-2011. Yes, this implies that they do wait longer to get married, which is almost unbelievable for them, but I'm interpreting it as Jackie moving in with Hayden within 2 months of meeting him, and they live together for a while before they get married. So there's still a little bit of that energy going on.
- A list of the ladies:
Jacqueline "Jackie" Pike neé Bergeron - Hayden Pike's wife
Nicole Miitka - Sorren Miitka's wife
Nataly Drapeau - Patrice Drapeau's wife
Valerie Comeau - Gilbert Comeau's wife
Carine Toussaint - J.J. Boiziau's current girlfriend. The girls all think he's going to propose soon, but Carine isn't so sure.
The group is pretty small; the Metros are not very good about committed relationships, so the WAGs group tends to be pretty exclusive. Carine is the newest add, and she's been there for a year.

Chapter 2: Moment of Truth

Chapter Notes

2013-2014

The whole ‘busy hockey season’ thing is really putting a damper on Shane’s ability to finish his next novel, absurdly. The whole thing is outlined, at least. He’s got all of the games written, and all of Anna's commentary in her sports column, but somehow the smut aspect is eluding him for the moment.

Every time he goes out, when girls throw themselves at him in bars and clubs and wherever else the Metros decide to drag him out to, he finds himself thinking more analytically than anything. Considering functional anatomy when he puts his mouth and hands to work. He pauses his writing for a bit as it gets disconcerting, how far he is from living in the moment.

It's not that he can't get any enjoyment out of it. It's just more of the satisfaction of a job well done, a repository of information set in his brain, a physical skill set put to work.

"Dude, when are you going to get a girlfriend?" Hayden asks him on more than one occasion.

"When do I have time? My whole life is scheduled," is almost always Shane's answer. Of course, that's the way he likes it. The routine is good. "It's easier to be casual." For what it’s worth.

"Jackie and I started out casual."

Shane snorts. "Hayd, you've never been casual a day in your life. You told me you were going to marry her before you went to talk to her in the club that day. You moved in with her after a month."

"Still," Hayden wheedles. "Jackie has this friend--"

"The Capitaine is too cool for all that," J.J. interjects, throwing an arm around Shane's shoulders. "He's enjoying the single life! Let him have fun."

Is he enjoying it?

Or is it just how it is, to be Shane Hollander, to be the captain who rarely goes out but picks up every time he does, who's left a trail of satisfied reviews behind him but finishes himself off at home, when he has time to get out of his head about it.

Well, there is one consistent time he gets out of his head about it.

After, when Rozanov is in the shower and Shane can feel the sweat and other fluids cooling on his skin, the ideas start pouring in, one by one.

It won't hurt him to take some inspiration.

Moment of Truth by Jane Dutch

“‘Loath as I am to admit it, Noah “The Sieve” Sivertsen had one hell of a game on Friday.’ 

Noah traces his fingers over the words inked in today’s edition of the Daily Collegian and has to grin a little bit.

She’s thinking about me!”

In Jane Dutch’s newest novel, Anna Park is an intrepid sports journalist for her college’s student newspaper who can be found at every hockey game, cheering on the home team and turning her incisive wit to in-depth strategic reviews. Her favorite subject, to praise or to criticize, is star goalie Noah Sivertsen, the school’s top draft prospect. But over the course of their senior year, Anna realizes there’s a lot more to Noah than just the game…

“Dutch’s characteristic love of hockey analysis is put to good work through the lens of Anna’s column—the change in metaphorical language from Lizzy’s statuesque ideals to Anna’s understanding of athleticism is remarkable.” ~ The New York Times.

Fall 2016

Chapter End Notes

I hope you liked it! Feel free to tell me what you think.

Quick Notes:

- The notes got so long this time that I had to separate them into sections. Maybe they aren't quick notes any more.
- The emails are scrollable! Make sure you read all the way through them :)
- You can tell I'm a big fan of environmental storytelling :/
- Shane has taken ‘experience is the best teacher’ to heart. He goes out with his team 2-3 times a season, but has a 100% success rate of picking up when he does. He’s incorporated it into his masking in this ‘verse.
- He has mastered cunnilingus for greater accuracy in writing his hockey smut. My oral fixation king.
- Most of the Lily/Jane texting is verbatim from episode 2, except for a few of Shane's retracted texts. However, you can assume that they have been meeting in hotel rooms prior to this, mostly engaging in activities that a) resolved quickly enough not to require a full sexiling or b) that kept Shane's and Ilya's mouths occupied enough to keep the noise down. With the sex condo acquired, they do not have to worry about being loud. :)
- Shane grew up hearing about how his parents fell in love in college. Moment of Truth is about 5% inspired by how they met.
- Yuna and David finding out about this is going to be the most mortifying moment of his life thus far.
- At least until Ilya finds out. :D
- Given the Hollander -> Colander joke I’ve seen a few times when I’ve seen versions of Shane as a goalie, I wanted the opportunity for another pun. Hence Noah “The Sieve” Sivertsen, which is ironic given that Noah has the most shutouts in school history.
- Re: the adult actor thing--Someone had the bright idea to try and put Shane's actual name on some hockey porn. Yuna shut that down real quick. Now it's all vague references.
- If Jane Dutch were actually a separate person, a C&D most likely would not amount to anything, since it's technically legally distinct. Yuna is just keeping it as a possibility in case there's something going on. There is, of course, something going on, but not what she thinks it is.

A few things I've added to my headcanons about Shane's writing, since I'm not actually composing most of the smut:

- Shane has a pathological hatred for cutesy slang terms in smut descriptions. He will fully write about a penis stroking over a vulva. He got notes from his editor because he sounded a little too much like Raymond Holt talking about his imaginary dead wife's 'nice heavy breasts'. The exceptions to the list are dick, cock, balls, pussy, clit, tits (gender neutral), ass, and hole. He will rarely refer to shaft, but only as an anatomical feature and not encompassing the whole. Same deal with slit (too easily confused with clit). The dicks are hard and the pussies wet and he will not talk around it.
- There will be no beaver, no fanny, no kitty, no member, no wang, no schlong, no velvet-wrapped steel, no his/her sex, none of it.
- You will never ever catch him calling anything turgid.
- As a Shane Hollander Big Dick truther, he does have some unrealistic size expectations. He's not one to look at the other guys in the locker room for multiple reasons. Trust that everyone has taken a good look at him. Nonetheless, his expectations are a little warped by his personal experience (himself and Ilya)

The ladies, in case you missed the list last chapter:

Jacqueline "Jackie" Pike neé Bergeron - Hayden Pike's wife, who has three kids and a fourth on the way, unbeknownst to her at this particular moment. Around since 2010
Nicole Miitka - Sorren Miitka's wife and a staunch goalie advocate. Around since 2012
Nataly Drapeau - Patrice Drapeau's wife and a fellow goalie advocate. She is currently pregnant with her first kid. Around since 2013.
Valerie Comeau - Gilbert Comeau's wife. Around since 2014, when he got traded to the Metros. Has a toddler in the terrible 2s.
Carine Toussaint - J.J. Boiziau's current girlfriend. A Haitian baddie. Studied data science at McGill. Started dating J.J. in 2015, after she graduated.

Chapter 3: Pride of the Nation

Chapter Notes

2014-2015

Shane walks away from that Vegas penthouse with his heart in his throat and texts deleted on his phone.

It's fine. Rozanov clearly doesn't want to have this go further than casual. Rivals with benefits. Convenient. Hotel rooms and the sex condo. Burning off steam after their games, because there's nowhere else for that energy to go after spending all that time checking each other into the boards and playing fast and so so hard.

One off of the roster.

Shane can do casual. Shane can do casual so well.

Rozanov won't know what hit him.

The problem Shane runs into after a while is that being at the top of the league means he only really has one given perspective on his games. It was easier to include a little more variety in his novels when the Metros were coming up from not being in the playoffs for two years.

He watches tape of other teams, analyzes them like he always does, but there are times when it gets repetitive.

And that's coming from him.

The solution comes to him in a PR meeting, of all places.

Marcel drones on for a while about the plans for the season. Shane tunes some of it out, planning to go back over his recording of it later for anything he missed.

And then Marcel says, "We are partnering with the women's league this year. MLH officials think it will be a good idea to have us give support to the Montreal Stars."

Shane almost bolts upright at that. The Women's League!

Marcel continues, "You won't have to go to everything, of course, but we are planning on a captains' meeting, and attendance at a few of the games that we host in Centre Bell. Most will align with days that you are in Brossard for practice."

"Sounds doable," Shane says, internally stifling his excitement.

Marcel lets out a relieved sigh. "You know, sometimes I pity other teams. We really got lucky with you. Best player in the league, and you're always here, showing up and doing the work." He doesn't move to hold a hand out for Shane to shake, knowing his preferences by now. "Thanks, Hollander. I'll email you more of the details when I have the dates."

"I'll keep an eye out for it."

Montreal Metros @montrealmetros ☑️

A meeting of the captains!

Réunion des capitaines!

[Video: A short montage of Shane Hollander and Marie-Philip Poulin shaking hands and being photographed together in uniform, before they are seen skating on the ice in Centre Bell, competing over scoring goals on the empty net, and showing off skating and stick tricks.]

Shane Hollander @shanehollanderhockeyplayer ☑️

I had a fantastic time meeting @pou29! Looking forward to catching a few of the Montreal Stars games this season!

[Image: A selfie of Shane Hollander and Marie-Philip Poulin. Both captains are smiling and a little bit red-cheeked from exertion on the ice.]

 

Marie-Philip Poulin @pou29

Bring your teammates next time, 24!

Pride of the Nation by Jane Dutch

“You don’t know a damn thing,” Leah hisses, the tip of her finger digging into Christophe’s chest. “You’re going back to a team who pays you millions to sit in the penalty box. I’m going back to a team whose season might end tomorrow, if we can’t scrub up enough money to keep our rink.”

Jane Dutch takes a broader look at the world of hockey in her spiciest novel yet, Pride of the Nation. Leah Richards is a star forward for the Montreal Étoiles, the best team in the dying women’s league. Christophe Roy is a cocky defenseman with the biggest fists this side of the St. Lawrence. When both players are selected for their respective Olympic teams, sparks fly between them all the way to Sochi. This fascinating tale of fake dating and friendship asks the age-old question—what are you willing to sacrifice for the sport that you love?

“In contrast to some of her lighter early works, Pride of the Nation is full of Dutch’s hard-hitting analysis of the gendered pay disparity in hockey. The strong theme of sports as a unifying power in the context of the Olympics and beyond makes this a contender for her best novel yet.” ~ The New York Times.

Fall 2016

Chapter End Notes

I hope you liked it! Feel free to tell me what you think.

Quick Notes:

- The misunderstandings have begun to pile up...
- Shane has developed what I'm calling his "service topsona" in the pursuit of his research. This is the only way I could make him good at eating pussy. He is masking and channeling what he thinks Ilya would be doing throughout the sex act, as it were, because if he doesn't, he doesn't get hard. Our dear anonymous puck bunny was a fair bit out of it, so she didn't notice him pulling out, disposing of the condom, and tucking himself away for later.
- Speaking of her, I was possessed by her at 11 o'clock at night. Please forgive any grammatical errors in the Reddit post.
- Anyway, this is how most of Shane's hookups go; he's not specifically seeking them out, but he's generally polite and oblivious to flirting. The girls who have the most success are the ones who directly ask for what they want. He does not have a particular type.
- The sheets. My dear neatfreak and sheetfreak Shane Hollander has gotten into the habit of hiding his indiscretions. Also he doesn't like it when cum dries on his sheets, and he didn't have time for a designated sex towel/blanket this time.
- For my long-term readers, you know lilybestbackhand well :).
- For any newcomers, I suggest you check out Candetrona's work to get the username reference.
- Shane is excited about the women's league, both to have a new source of games to peruse for his novels, and to be able to just watch as a fan. The rest of the Metros are deeply confused about why he's so enthusiastic about going to the Stars' games.
- Étoiles means stars in French :)
- Re: the strap. Yes, he is quite aware of pegging. No, he does not get pegged during his hookups, because of the aforementioned service topsona. The bottom of all time energy is reserved for Ilya.
- The Jane Dutch fandom goes crazy over Pride of the Nation. There is a camp that thinks Jane Dutch ships Shane and Marie-Philip (ABSOLUTELY NOT). There's a queerbaiting camp. There is also a camp that thinks the third act amicable break-up between Leah and Chris is a set up for either a Leah and Rachel novel or a Chris and Isaak novel. No I am not telling you who is right, not right now, but Pride of the Nation is at least partially intended to be a pun. ;)
- There's a reason that fake-dating to lovers friendship is the subverted trope in this novel. He is trying very hard to rationalize being casual.
- I accidentally made the names very biblical in this chapter. Might have to stop using the name registers in Quebec and Ontario for a little bit.

Shane Hollander's Jane Dutch's style guide:

- No slang terms for body parts. Anatomical terms preferred, but the exceptions list is as follows: dick, cock, balls, pussy, clit, tits (gender neutral), ass, and hole. Shaft and slit are allowed, but only as anatomical features and not synecdoche.
- There will be no beaver, no fanny, no kitty, no turgid member, no wang, no schlong, no velvet-wrapped steel, no his/her sex, none of it.
- Dick sizes are based on IRL experiences (read: himself and Ilya). People read it as expected for the genre. Sometimes gets complaints about being unnecessarily thorough about prep and foreplay.
- He's generally pretty thorough when extrapolating from his hookups, but ultimately, his best smut comes from reinterpretations of what he and Ilya do. Is he starting to feel a little Gender™ about it? No. He's repressed that.

The ladies, because I'm having fun with their life updates now:

Jacqueline "Jackie" Pike neé Bergeron - Hayden Pike's wife, who has three kids and a fourth on the way that she does know about by now. Present since 2010.
Nicole Miitka - Sorren Miitka's wife and a staunch goalie advocate, who was raised in a house with 3 sisters around her. Present since 2012.
Nataly Drapeau - Patrice Drapeau's wife and a fellow goalie advocate. She is currently very pregnant with her first kid, but really wants to make it to a Stars game before she pops. Present since 2013.
Valerie Comeau - Gilbert Comeau's wife. Has a toddler in the terrible 2s. Getting very into the investigative journalism of it all. Present since 2014.
Carine Toussaint - J.J. Boiziau's current girlfriend. A Haitian baddie. Studied data science at McGill. Had a couple of male friends try to come on to her to disastrous effect in the past. Present since 2015.

Chapter 4: Face-Off I

Chapter Notes

Summer 2015

The studio offers are a curveball Shane wasn't quite expecting.

It's not that he didn't know Farah is extremely good at her job. Jobs, plural, because she renegotiated his contract this year to get him one of the highest salaries in the league.

But the fact that it's culminated in people liking the work of Jane Dutch enough to want to see it on screen is a bit of a shock to the system.

The second Shane reads the email, his heart drops through his stomach before rising up again.

Questions start to bubble in his mind.

Why are they reaching out to Shane Hollander?

Does she know?

Okay. Maybe he can get her off track.

He gets an email back from her within minutes.

He knows that. He wrote it. Farah made sure he took out everything that could even be construed as a personal detail identifying Shane Hollander. 

Fuck. There's no way around it.

He can feel the jaws closing around him.

It's really hard to say no to her like this.

At least it's not because they think he's Jane Dutch.

That's how Shane finds himself coming back from his cottage early and walking into an ice rink that's been outfitted as a film set.

He can feel the eyes on him from the second that he walks in.

That might be the paranoia talking. It could also be the crowd of boys in hockey gear on the ice.

They all look like him.

Look. The point isn't that Shane goes back and thinks about what he's written.

It's always been an exercise, taking his experiences and reviewing what he's done, considering and considering and considering until it takes a more palatable shape.

Something he can put out that doesn't sound, doesn't seem like him.

The last time he reads each of his own novels is when he gets his plain cover ARCs, and tucks them away behind his hockey biographies. Farah manages the publicity side of it. He's functionally a ghostwriter. No one actually knows who Jane Dutch is.

So it's surreal to see that someone has taken his work point blank and seen Shane in it, enough to find a glut of boys who look like he did as a teenager.

A couple of them are over by the makeup table, getting freckles dotted onto their faces.

Jesus fucking Christ.

"Shane Hollander?" he hears in front of him. He focuses back in on what's actually happening.

Rose Landry is standing there, her hand outstretched for a handshake.

Rose Landry.

He takes it and tries to make it quick. "Rose Landry. Congratulations on directing...all of this." He gestures out at the set.

She laughs instead of taking the awkward non sequitur for what it is. "Thanks. I've been wanting to sit down and talk with you for a little while now; this project really has a lot of you written into it."

She looks him dead in the fucking eyes. They pierce through him, even as she smiles guilelessly.

Holy shit. She knows.

He ends the shoot day after hours of conversation with an endless array of teenagers with a slip of paper in his pocket that reads:

Shane walks into the coffee shop with his hands in his pockets to disguise how much they're shaking.

One of the most consequential secrets of his life, and a virtual stranger has found him out, just like that.

To her credit, Rose picked a good place. The shop is empty, and the staff clear out once he picks up the cup with S.H. written on it at the counter.

He walks up to the table with a profound sense of trepidation. Contrary to his expectations, Rose lights up when she sees him.

"Hey! You're a little early," she says cheerfully, beckoning him with a hand.

He sits down. "Didn't want to be late for Rose Landry."

She waves a hand. "How many times do I have to tell you to just call me Rose?"

"Well, then I didn't want to be late for Rose."

"That's a little better."

They settle into silence for a moment, sipping at their drinks. Hers seems like coffee of some sort; his is green tea, simple and plain. It's a good blend though.

Rose breaks the silence, leaning forward. "Okay. This is a little awkward, but I don't really have another way to say it." She lifts up the purse at her side and pulls out a well-thumbed copy of Face-Off, as well as her phone. "I think the author of this book might have hooked up with you and written it into this book."

The sense of relief at her not knowing that he's Jane Dutch is taken over by bemusement in seconds.

"What?!?" He exclaims. "What the fuck. How--wait. How would you know? We just met! Three days ago!"

In lieu of answering, she opens the Reddit app on her phone to r/puckbunnies and shows him a post from u/shlapine at the same time as she opens the book to one of the final few pages, to the scene where Cynthia and Jason reunite for the first time in five years.

"The details of it are very similar. Like almost dead-on, if not for the language choices. The book doesn't call you the Pussyblaster 3000, but it's pretty close."

Shane's head drops into his hands. "Oh my god."

Pussyblaster 3000.

Rose makes a sympathetic humming noise. "That's why I reached out to your team. Obviously, the personal details have been scrubbed, and we've adjusted the scene in the final screenplay for rating reasons, but it was still concerning. We'll put a coincidental resemblance disclaimer on it too." 

He lifts his head from his hands and tries to make eye contact. "How did you find the post anyway?"

She blushes a little bit. "It's starting to gather buzz. Um. Look. I've been a fan of Jane Dutch since the Icebreaker days, you know? It was the first hockey romance that I read that focused on the hockey in equal measure with the romance. I've read all of her books. I don't think anyone else has put it together yet, but I was re-reading Face-Off in prep for taking on this role as director, and it came across my feed. I had it fresh on my mind." She takes a deep breath. "I've also been a fan of you for a long time, Shane. I know what it's like to have your sex life spilled out for people to scrutinize. There were already plans to invite you on as a consultant. I just thought I'd take the opportunity to tell you before...before it got bigger."

Oh.

She did this as a kindness to him.

He came to this coffee shop alone, thinking he was about to be blackmailed by Hollywood darling, Rose Landry.

Well. It's not like he wasn't prepared for her to know.

"Thank you," he says hesitantly. "You really didn't have to put yourself out like that."

She shrugs. "It's a project I've wanted for a long time."

Shane takes a deep breath of his own. "No, I mean, I didn't know about the post, but um. I wrote that scene in."

Her eyes go wide. "You...wrote that scene in."

"Yeah."

Her hand lands on his on the table. "Shane Hollander. Are you telling me what I think you're telling me?"

Fuck it.

"Yes." He pauses for a second. "Please don't tell anyone else."

A high-pitched noise leaves her throat. "I would never. Oh my god. Oh my god. Wait. People have thought that Jane Dutch was a fan using a play on your name for years. This whole time? Shane Hollander. Jane Dutch."

"Yeah," he says, giddiness building in his chest. "That's me." He holds his hand out to shake hers again. "Jane Dutch. It's nice to meet you, Rose Landry."

She shakes his hand, and they both nearly fall over in laughter. "I cannot believe--wow. This is not how I thought this would go."

"Better or worse, do you think?"

"Definitely better, are you kidding me? Shane, I just met one of my favorite authors. Also, this makes our lives way easier if you're still planning on a final pass over the screenplay."

He hadn't even thought of that. "It does, doesn't it? I could text you about it now."

"You could!" She practically shrieks, before her face gets serious again. "Shane, I promise you, I won't tell anyone. This will stay between you and me."

"Well, I came thinking that you already knew, so it didn't really change much for me."

"Still." She smiles and squeezes his hand. "I think this has bonded us for life now."

"Oh, definitely."

"Also, you should see this." She scrolls down to a comment from u/lilybestbackhand. "People are starting to think this is your actual girlfriend. Is it?"

Lily.

Chapter End Notes

I hope you liked it! Feel free to tell me what you think.

Quick Notes:

- Little bit of a switch up in the format for this chapter :)
- In all seriousness, the plans that I had for this chapter got a little bit too long, so it's being extended into next chapter as well. I’m not breaking my word count rules, so you will have to wait just a bit longer for Ilya’s reaction.
- In other news, with this chapter, I’ve officially published exactly 200,000 words of Heated Rivalry fic on Ao3 since March 2nd. Yippee!
- This is what I mean when I say Shane is girlbossing too close to the sun. Shane is writing as a hobby and ignoring it once he releases, but also he's making sure his work is accurate and thorough. Of course he's getting his work optioned. What is he going to do, say no? He's not going to do that, even if it causes problems for him later down the line. It's bringing more attention to hockey, and that's a win-win for him. He is cocky. He's just not as forward with it as Ilya tends to be.
- He’s cocky enough to be making decisions about what to do with the money he’s earned as Jane Dutch, even though he’s keeping it secret. He does not consider it strange even for a second.
- Fun thing to note: He did not write Jason Sivertsen to have freckles. The casting director is using a picture of Shane as the reference, because half of the crew thinks this book/film is Shane Hollander fanfiction. Which it kind of is. But not quite.
- Rose Landry coming out here with the steel chair <3 I truly love her so much. Insightful. Funny. Gorgeous. A menace when she wants to be. Is she a little parasocial and maybe unethical in what she’s doing here? Yeah. But I love her anyway.
- There are a couple of camps for how u/shlapine's post is being read: there's the people who believe her / support her (read: Shane's other one-night-onlys), the people who are calling it out as fake (led by Ilya), and the people who particularly think it's fake and adapted from a Jane Dutch novel. Rose thought it might have been fake at first, but fell into reading some of the other posts about Shane. She made the connection, but thought it was the mysterious Jane Dutch posting under different accounts.
- The timeline is a little wobbly--we're finally hitting canon divergence territory :)
- The Jane Dutchiverse has been established! Moment of Truth is a prequel to Face-Off. We'll get more into the plot of Face-Off in the next chapter, so I won't spoil it here.
- Shane fully went into that meeting having already consigned himself to Rose knowing. In his mind, the secret can’t be walled up again like it was. This is Shane 'I prefer to be the hole, not the peg" Hollander. He chooses to tell her.
- Not to worry, the style guide and WAGs chat (as well as some others!) will return next chapter!

Sudoku Solution on page B7

Chapter 5: Face-Off II

Chapter Notes

Slight Canon Divergence Warning [Spoilers]

- You did read the timeline correctly, the Tuna Meltdown / prospective Tuna Meltdown has been altered and moved up a year. We are in canon divergence territory now, especially given that Shane has already met Rose.

Fall 2015

Against his better judgement, Shane doesn't ask Rozanov about the whole Reddit thing over text.

He waits until they meet in person.

It's good that J.J. has been distracted with his new girlfriend, because Shane does not think he did the best job of sneaking out.

He gets out of his Uber half a mile away from the location pin Rozanov sent and walks down the wooded street. It's pretty, not the hustle and bustle of the city near the apartment they usually meet at that's close to the rink, but a little further out into the suburbs of Boston.

It's unbelievably stupid that they're doing this, but whatever. Shane has made worse decisions.

The house is gorgeous, at least. The enormous front door opens to reveal a shirtless Rozanov, clad in low-slung sweatpants that highlight the Adonis belt that drew Shane's eye from the first time he saw it in the showers after their CCM commercial.

Shane barely makes it in the door, idly asking about taking his shoes off and whether Rozanov had the house built before he's being lifted onto the counter and kissed within an inch of his life. His legs wrap around Rozanov's back as big hands make their way up under his shirt.

Well. 

No one could blame him for losing the plot a little bit.

He's not exactly keeping track of it when Rozanov is kissing down his chest and whispering, "Stay. I'm not done with you yet," either.

The part of his hindbrain that's screaming WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! YOU NEED TO LEAVE!! goes ignored while he's straddling Rozanov's thighs, and rolling with him, still connected, and tucked under his arm, and waking up warm and held.

It turns back on as Rozanov hands him a cold ginger ale out of the fridge, Canadian brand instead of the weird American shit that he always ends up getting while he's in the States.

Rozanov patters around the kitchen, his ingredients already prepared and perfectly measured for two people instead of one.

I'm making one for me, I can make two.

Bullshit.

"...old friend of mine, Svetlana." Shane tunes back into the conversation.

"Oh?"

"Sergei Vetrov's daughter. We grew up together. Had our firsts together and everything." Rozanov flips the tuna melts in the pan with a practiced hand, which seems absurd for a guy who probably gets all of his meals sent to him by a nutritionist when he's not getting pictures taken of him at very fancy restaurants. "She is, what is word, psychic about hockey."

"Cool," Shane says, bile rising in his throat at the thought of everything this woman has seen of Rozanov that he will never, ever get.

Rozanov gives him a look that's somewhere between a glare and the look he gives him when they face off on the ice. "She likes you very much."

"Okay?" Shane says, baffled.

"Maybe I should give you her number," Rozanov says, something in his tone acidic. "I hear you are getting good reviews these days. Pussyblaster 3000 or something?"

"Oh my god," Shane groans. Then his brain kicks back into high gear. "I fucking knew that was you, asshole. lilybestbackhand? Really?"

Rozanov goes red, and then pale, and then a little green. "You saw."

"Of fucking course I saw it! I had to get the post taken down before my fucking mom saw it!" The embarrassment of that moment would probably kill him. "And then there's you commenting on it. What, did you think I don't fuck other people?" It’s not like he’s being unsafe about it. He uses condoms every time. Half the time, there’s no pregnancy risk anyway, because she’s done well before he is. He gets tested like clockwork.

"You do not like that I defend your honor?" Rozanov says with a leer that looks like it's taking more effort than normal. "You got post taken down after four days. Clearly it was fake."

"I got it taken down because I have sponsors who expect me to have a clean image, unlike some people!" Shane retorts. "I never said it was fake. It just can't be associated with me like that." Thank god it didn't get mainstream enough for reporters to find it. God forbid anyone thinks Shane Hollander fucks.

The absurdity of that thought in the middle of this argument does hit Shane in the back of the head like a sledgehammer, but he's stifling that in favor of watching Rozanov's face journey as he says, "It was REAL?"

"...Yes," Shane says. "It's not like I go out that often. It's like, a couple of times a year. Maybe. The one time I get posted about, you just had to comment on it. It makes it worse, because then more people are looking at it to shoot you down! And anyway, I'm not the one with my own personal thread."

Is he mad about that? No. Rozanov does the same thing he does.

More often.

But Shane is just using his for research, so it balances out.

It's completely fair.

Rozanov can do whatever he wants. Wherever he wants. Whoever he wants.

He flips the tuna melts onto plates, and sets one down in front of Shane on the counter, a little bit too hard. "Yes, but everyone knows this about me. Mr. Golden Boy of Hockey is not so golden, huh?"

"Why are you getting bitchy over me having sex? We're literally casually fucking. You said it yourself--we are not anything." Shane tries to keep the bitterness out of his voice as he recites the words that have been rattling around in his brain ever since Sochi. He doesn't think he succeeds.

Rozanov takes a deep, ragged inhale, his head tipping forward for a second before he looks back up at Shane. "Hollander. The whole thing was about her having good time. Nothing really about you enjoying it. Why are you doing this, having bad time?"

The look on Shane's face, if he were to write it into his journal, would probably be described as consternation. "I'm not having a bad time, what the fuck--"

"Oh, so you are perfect top with these women? You eat them out until they cry? You put your big hands on their tits and hold them on your face, and last for hours," Rozanov's voice rises as he plants his hands on the counter, "but you beg me to fuck you harder, faster, deeper? What is this? They cannot tell you are gagging for it? They do not see you cum until you cannot take it anymore--" 

"It's--I am not--It's fucking different, okay!" Shane shouts back at him, interrupting the rant.

"What is different about it, huh? Can't get these girls to top you? Is called pegging, Hollander, look it up." Like he doesn't know what pegging is. Jesus Christ.

"I'm not about to be asking strangers to peg me, dude." It would be tough, logistically, because his hook ups tend to be spontaneous, much as he expects them to happen. He likes his clean prep, when he knows Rozanov will be in the same city and he can go through his full routine. Keeping the necessary fiber in his diet plan is almost effortless, but he isn't exactly taking his toiletry kit to the club. Also, he can't expect every girl he runs into to have a strap. That would be absurd. And it's not like he can take his dildo around with him. "It's easier to, you know, do what works." That, and he’s usually testing the kinematics of a particular movement and how effective it is. Or how well it translates.

"But you let me do it," Rozanov says, his voice suddenly edging back into arousal. He comes around the counter, wiping his hands on a decorative towel. Shane instinctively opens his legs for him as he crowds in. "You let me see you like this."

"Yeah," Shane says faintly, goosebumps rising. "Just you."

It's the truth. Sex with other people just isn't like it is with Rozanov. It's mechanical, not the feral thing he becomes whenever he's around this man.

The victorious smirk on Rozanov's face makes something in Shane's chest burst with heat, the same way it does when the Raiders beat the Metros and Shane has to watch the post-game media that this asshole does, cocky and shirtless and sweaty and fucking hot. He launches up out of the chair, and Rozanov catches him, hauling his thighs up around his waist as their mouths meet and he walks them over to the couch.

They separate for a second, long enough for him to toss Shane down to the cushions and say, "You only let me fuck you until you cry, until you forget everything."

"...Yeah," Shane says, warmth spooling forth from behind his ribs. "Yeah, I do."

Rozanov's mouth lands on his neck, and a moan escapes from Shane's throat. He mutters something in Russian that Shane can't understand as he trails down Shane's chest. "У меня крыша поехала." [I've lost my mind]

Shane squirms underneath him, trying to take his shirt off. "Come on, fuck, help me!"

Rozanov obliges, while Shane works his pants down. "You're going to forget everything else. Everything but Ilya." He says his own name with a lilt that sounds different from how everyone says it here.

"Ilya," Shane gasps out when they touch, echoing how he says it. "Ilya, Ilya, Ilya--"

"Shane," Ilya returns, his voice going gravelly and deep. "мой." [Mine.]

After, when Shane has changed again and they've actually eaten the tuna melts, he doesn't bring it up again.

Ilya calls him Shane, and Shane calls him Ilya, and it's normal, easy as breathing.

They text about games they've seen and stupid shit their teammates say and the dogs Ilya sees when he goes running.

It's nice. It's almost like they're friends now. Rivals? Boyfriends? Partners? Friends with benefits.

He doesn't look for the paparazzi pictures of Ilya with a different girl on his arm every night. He tunes it out, lets it become background noise in his life. He had things to do, anyway.

Sure, he's not going out for research anymore, but then again, he's busy texting Rose about adaptational changes. And he has plenty of reference material to work with for the concepts that he's been percolating on. That's what the journal was for in the first place. He can branch out from his niche.

Not to mention, he's playing the best hockey of his life. All the way to back-to-back Cups. The first time since Detroit in '98, and the first time for Montreal since the 60s.

September 2016

Face-Off by Jane Dutch

"You look beautiful," Jason says softly.

"Shut up." Cynthia turns her back to him. "Unzip me."

His hands delicately trace over her spine and span over her shoulders as he drags the zipper down.

In Jane Dutch's sophomore novel, Cynthia Ryan is a spunky figure skater from Victoria chafing against her family's expectations, who meets Jason Sivertsen, the newest forward for the local junior hockey team, who has a bright future and big shoes to fill. Their senior year has them competing for ice time and slowly growing closer before their careers threaten to tear them apart..

"Dutch dives deep into the pressures on these young athletes, from within their chosen sports and beyond. The discussion of being individuals in the spotlight and alienation from their bodies is remarkably refreshing, especially in the context of growing conversations within the figure skating world..." ~ The New York Times

Chapter End Notes

I hope you liked it! Feel free to tell me what you think.

Quick Notes:

- The Tuna Meltdown has been moved up a year, but turned into a boiling the frog situation instead of a true meltdown. I've been making their relationship easier in a lot of my fic. It's time to get into critical misunderstanding/undernegotiated BDSM relationship time. They had sex about it instead of actually talking it out :/
- I did adapt a bit of the Tuna Meltdown, but the rest is original to this fic.
- EDIT: Thank you to weralika and Alexis_SD for the advice on the Russian I used in this chapter! They have been updated now.
- The phrase I have translating to I've lost my mind is actually an idiom that literally translates as My roof went away (by some vehicle of transportation, not on foot). Thanks, Alexis_SD!
- Shane's attitude towards sex is very different here. He frames it like this because of the way that he's turned dissociation into an art form when it comes to straight sex. :/
- Don't worry, Ilya's perspective is coming. Eventually.
- It has never been more clear to me that Shane Hollander would be most at home among a group of hockey-playing lesbians. He loves playing scrimmages with them. At this moment, he is their ‘straight guy’ mascot, mostly because they wave to him in the crowd whenever he comes to Stars games. At times, the ladies were concerned that it was a publicity stunt, but slowly realized that he was genuinely into it. As a fan of them. He got the wedding officiant ask as a joke but went out and got himself certified anyway, justifying it as a favor for a friend and good research for a future novel ;)
- To be clear, shooting 12 under par is insane. Professional level. Shane locks the fuck in when he plays golf, and he’s musing on concepts while driving the golf cart because the rest of the Metros are progressively getting more drunk.
- Also, the rest of the Metros are here! I wanted to show a bit of the other side of things.
- For my long term readers, you know who the cousin is ;)
- I wonder who they're going to think his Cynthia is 👀
- We’re going to the movies next chapter!

Shane Hollander's Jane Dutch's style guide:

- No slang terms for body parts. Anatomical terms preferred, but the exceptions list is as follows: dick, cock, balls, pussy, clit, tits (gender neutral), ass, and hole. Shaft and slit are allowed, but only as anatomical features and not synecdoche.
- There will be no beaver, no fanny, no kitty, no turgid member, no wang, no schlong, no velvet-wrapped steel, no his/her sex, none of it.
- Dick sizes are based on IRL experiences (read: himself and Ilya). People read it as expected for the genre. Sometimes gets complaints about being unnecessarily thorough about prep and foreplay.
- Dialogue tends to come from what he does with Ilya, but he pulls mechanical descriptions from research.
- Yes he did write teenage protagonists at the start of Face-Off, but they don't end up going very far until after they reunite as adults. Has not explored age differences as of yet.

The ladies, because I'm having fun with their life updates now:

Jacqueline "Jackie" Pike neé Bergeron - Hayden Pike's wife, who has three kids and a fourth on the way, who gleefully pegged her husband amidst the hormonal shifts of pregnancy. Present since 2010.
Nicole Miitka - Sorren Miitka's wife and a staunch goalie advocate, who was raised in a house with 3 sisters around her. Present since 2012.
Nataly Drapeau - Patrice Drapeau's wife and a fellow goalie advocate. Still super pregnant, but she's gone to a Stars game in the interim! Present since 2013.
Valerie Comeau - Gilbert Comeau's wife. Has a toddler in the terrible 2s. Getting very into the investigative journalism of it all. Present since 2014.
Carine Toussaint - J.J. Boiziau's current girlfriend. A Haitian baddie. Studied data science at McGill. Had a couple of male friends try to come on to her to disastrous effect in the past. Might know a Violet, supposedly. Present since 2015.

Chapter 6: Face-Off III

Chapter Notes

Fall 2015

It does not do Ilya well to be idle. 

It means that his mind goes places.

These days, it's mostly drifting to one particular place. One particular person, rather.

So much so that he sets his news alerts to track an additional name beyond his own. He watches interviews and special features and scrolls through his text threads with a fluttering feeling in his chest every time he reads the words fuck off.

So it strikes hard when he sees some random woman talking about Shane Hollander giving her the best night of her life on Reddit.

It should mean nothing.

But with every word he reads, a tightness rises in his chest at the thought of Shane Hollander eating a girl out to completion three times and changing her sheets on the way out. He can't pretend, not for a second, that his discomfort is about Hollander infringing on his reputation.

There is not a hint of Hollander's own pleasure in it.

He has a good mouth. An excellent mouth, even. One that Ilya thinks about a little too much. That was never in dispute.

But there is something in the thought that he simply gives without expectation of reciprocation, except with Ilya. Or whatever man he has decided is worthy of his time outside of those tiny stolen moments.

It cannot be real. He writes as much, getting viciously downvoted because these people so desperately want Hollander, enough that they will call any scrap of him real, even though it is nothing like the real thing.

It is nothing like the man who sank to his knees with irrepressible hunger the first time in room 1410, from whom sweet sound can be pulled by simply returning the favor. Nothing like the man who came untouched beneath Ilya his first time.

The amount of preparation Ilya puts into inviting Hollander to his house is frankly embarrassing. He looks up Hollander's diet and concludes that it must be nothing like what the Internet says, because he has seen the man eat meat, though he prefers fish and leaner sources of protein. 

He decides on tuna melts because they are simple and filling after the several rounds of activity he has planned.

It probably won't make him stay the night. 

But it might make him stay long enough for Ilya to ask him about the stupid post and if he wants someone else, is choosing someone else.

The doorbell rings.

He smooths his hair back as he goes to answer it.

Hollander stands a little awkward in the doorway, toeing off his shoes and asking about architectural details. Ilya doesn't know how he is the one who is considered loud, when Hollander has had something to say to him on every occasion that they have met.

боже мой, [My god] he is cute infuriating perfectly matched the only equal good too good too good for Ilya.

Ilya lifts him up onto the counter, catching his lips between his teeth and twining their tongues.

Wishing he could get deeper.

They're lying together in Ilya's bed, and Hollander starts making noises about leaving. Something about J.J., about Hayden, the men he is surrounded with every day and yet does not cast a single glance to.

Ilya places open-mouthed kisses down his chest and whispers "Stay. I'm not done with you yet."

And miracle of all miracles, it works.

He can't close his eyes with Hollander sleeping beside him, warm and solid, a force of nature brought soft and low for this moment. The rise and fall of his breath lulls Ilya into a doze, but not true sleep.

He has to pretend to blink the sleep from his eyes as Hollander wakes, pretend that his hunger is about food and not the pit in his stomach that sits empty, always.

Ginger ale, cold from the fridge. He checked the origin, made sure it matched Hollander's preference. He busies himself with the ingredients, letting his hands work with his brain waits.

There's no better time.

"I recently saw an old friend of mine, Svetlana," Ilya says, needing a way to broach the subject.

"Oh?" Hollander says, startled.

"Sergei Vetrov's daughter. We grew up together. Had our firsts together and everything." Perhaps that was too much, but he needs to know if Hollander is as jealous as he is. "She is, what is word, psychic about hockey."

"Cool," Hollander says, clipped.

Maybe there is something there. Ilya scrutinizes the overly flat look on his face as he says, "She likes you very much."

"Okay?" Shane Hollander says, as though a beautiful woman like Svetlana being interested in him has no effect on his life.

"Maybe I should give you her number," Ilya says, tasting envy. "I hear you are getting good reviews these days. Pussyblaster 3000 or something?"

The Pussyblaster 3000. Ilya takes pride in his skills, alright? it might have been a while since he's deliberately gone looking for someone else, but he still knows what he's doing.

And yet it's Hollander who gets called Pussyblaster 3000. 

Whatever. It sounds stupid.

"Oh my god," Hollander groans, before the look on his face rapidly changes, sharpening into something much more accusatory. "I fucking knew that was you, asshole. lilybestbackhand? Really?"

Fuck. He's been found.

Ilya has been so careful. Never leaving more of a comment than necessary. Only interjecting to correct people about the fact that Hollander's only true opponent on the ice is him, not Hunter or any of these second-rate captains from teams who cannot come close to matching him.

They are the most recent Cup-winning captains. They are the ones who brought their teams back from slumps so bad that it landed them in the bottom of the league. The draft class of 2009 is considered the most influential of the last decade for a reason.

He does not want to think about what his face is doing as he says, "You saw."

"Of fucking course I saw it!" Hollander hisses. "I had to get the post taken down before my fucking mom saw it!" His mother, the Montreal fan, the one whose name inspires fear across the league. Ilya idly wonders if Hollander knows just how much people think she is instrumental to his success as he continues to rant. "And then there's you commenting on it. What, did you think I don't fuck other people?" 

That throws him a little bit. The persistent assumption, lingering in the back of his brain, the one that is reinforced every time they meet by Hollander's eagerness and plain hunger for him, wants to say yes.

It cannot be true.

Ilya has to keep this moving. "You do not like that I defend your honor?" He tries. "You got post taken down after four days. Clearly it was fake."

"I got it taken down because I have sponsors who expect me to have a clean image, unlike some people!" Hollander retorts. "I never said it was fake. It just can't be associated with me like that."

"It was REAL?" The anger that comes out with it is more than Ilya intended to show, but it has already been released.

"...Yes," Hollander says. "It's not like I go out that often. It's like, a couple of times a year. Maybe. The one time I get posted about, you just had to comment on it. It makes it worse, because then more people are looking at it to shoot you down! And anyway, I'm not the one with my own personal thread."

That fucking thread. Ilya knows for a fact that Hollander probably didn't actually click into it, because it hasn't gotten a new response for the last 5 months.

Is that pathetic? Maybe. Ilya was in Russia for a good part of that time. The rest he has no excuse for.

He flips the tuna melts onto plates, and sets one down in front of Hollander on the counter, with a little too much force, trying to keep his hands from shaking. "Yes, but everyone knows this about me. Mr. Golden Boy of Hockey is not so golden, huh?" The jab is halfhearted. Not up to standard.

Hollander takes it normally, at least. "Why are you getting bitchy over me having sex? We're literally casually fucking. You said it yourself--we are not anything." 

We are not anything.

You said it yourself--we are not anything.

They could not be anything, not in Sochi, where Ilya was being watched like a hawk. When he failed his family and country so catastrophically. 

When he shut everything out but the work of winning and still felt hollow with the Cup in his hands.

When the empty pit began to fill only when his hand grazed over the back of Hollander's suit onstage, after he threw up in the bathroom, waiting to present.

Ilya's breath is shaky as he tries to redirect his thought back to the post, to the point of bringing up the godforsaken thing. "Hollander. The whole thing was about her having good time. Nothing really about you enjoying it. Why are you doing this, having bad time?" It's clumsy. Poorly worded. He can tell Hollander is taking offense.

"I'm not having a bad time, what the fuck--"

The words spill out of Ilya rapidly. "Oh, so you are perfect top with these women? You eat them out until they cry? You put your big hands on their tits and hold them on your face, and last for hours, but you beg me to fuck you harder, faster, deeper? What is this? They cannot tell you are gagging for it? They do not see you cum until you cannot take it anymore--" 

"It's--I am not--It's fucking different, okay!" Hollander shouts back at him, interrupting the rant.

"What is different about it, huh? Can't get these girls to top you? Is called pegging, Hollander, look it up." If Ilya has to read a post about Hollander getting pegged by some lucky, ungrateful woman, he might have to drown himself in vodka.

"I'm not about to be asking strangers to peg me, dude." Fuck. What a relief. "It's easier to, you know, do what works." 

They haven't tried it, is the thing. Ilya has no idea if it is 'what works.' It's what works for him, but he doesn't know the Hollander Shane who does that.

The softer implication, that Ilya is allowed this precious gift, nearly makes him crow in victory even though it's something he's known for years at this point. "But you let me do it," Ilya says, coming around the counter to be face-to-face with Hollander Shane. "You let me see you like this."

"Yeah," Hollander Shane says. "Just you."

Just you.

Just Ilya.

Ilya can't repress the victorious smile as Hollander Shane leaps at him, gripping tight under his thighs as he walks them over to the couch. He drops Hollander Shane down to the cushions and lets his own weight tumble down as he says giddily, "You only let me fuck you until you cry, until you forget everything."

"...Yeah," Hollander Shane says, soft and sweet. "Yeah, I do."

Ilya's brain left sometime, back before they ever got to the kitchen. He pulls a moan from Hollander Shane's throat as he kisses down the sensitive side of his neck, following the curve of the muscle.

"У меня крыша поехала." [Russian Idiom - Literal: My roof went away (by some vehicle of transportation, not on foot) | Metaphorical: I've lost my mind.]

Hollander Shane squirms underneath him, trying to take his shirt off. "Come on, fuck, help me!"

Ilya peels it off of him as Hollander Shane starts grabbing at his pants.

Fuck it. "You're going to forget everything else. Everything but Ilya." 

It is unbelievably stupid and sentimental, a pathetic attempt at hearing his name from the lips of the man he loves cannot have.

And yet, pure euphoria overtakes him as Shane gasps, "Ilya, Ilya, Ilya, Ilya--," exactly how he said it,  Илья, [Ilya, pronounced with two syllables; the initial I is more like how ee is pronounced in English, and there is less separation between the L and Y.] not the stupid way the Americans have said it from the moment he was drafted to Boston.

"Shane," Ilya says. "мой." [Mine.]

Winter 2017

Red Carpet Interview with Rose Landry and Shane Hollander ~ E!News

E!News had the opportunity to interview Rose Landry and her date, Shane Hollander, on the red carpet at the premiere of Face-Off, the cinematic adaptation of the Jane Dutch novel of the same name. 

[Image: Rose Landry and Shane Hollander on the red carpet; Landry is wearing a strapless pale blue gown with a cape in the same color over her shoulders, while Hollander is wearing a navy suit with a white shirt and his pocket square and tie matched to Landry's dress.]

E!News Interviewer: Rose!

Rose Landry: Hello!

E!I: Just a few questions for you before you make your way inside...

RL: Sure.

E!I: First off, how are you feeling tonight?

RL: I'm feeling pretty good! Very excited for everyone to see the movie. It's been a long road, but I'm really hoping everyone enjoys it.

E!I: We're looking forward to it. Speaking of the movie, the book you adapted is pretty well known in the hockey community, and I don't think there's anyone who knows hockey better than your companion here. It's a surprise to see you here, Mr. Hollander!

Shane Hollander: Well, we got lucky that All-Stars is in LA this year. Otherwise, I don't know that I would have been able to make it.

RL: I would have made sure you could make it Shane. 

E!I: Any particular reasons why?

RL: We invited Shane on as a consultant early on in the process—with Jason’s storyline, it was important to us to get a real picture of what that kind of experience is like in Major League Hockey.

SH: I was honestly surprised. I remember getting an email from my manager and not knowing what it was about. But, uh, my mom is (awkward laugh) a pretty big Jane Dutch fan, so I had to go at least once. For her.

RL: So he came to set while we were in the midst of casting Will as our Jason, and–

SH: (flat affect) It was all downhill from there.

RL: Shane! We really did hit it off immediately. Went out for coffee a few days later, and we were off to the races.

SH: Rose is very humble about it, but she’s a very hard worker. I would get texts from her at 10 PM saying her day was just ending when I knew she had gotten up at 5 that morning.

RL: Like you don’t work just as hard! If he isn’t on the ice, this guy is constantly in the gym or watching tape or reading hockey books. I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone who knows more about hockey. 

SH: Except my mom, maybe.

RL: Well, yeah. But anyway, this project is really important to me! Like Yuna [Shane Hollander’s mother], I’ve been a fan of Jane Dutch for a long time, and I wanted to do her work justice.

SH: It was so hard keeping this from her though. She got so excited when the trailer went up—I didn’t have the heart to say that Rose had sent it to me two weeks prior. So, sorry for that, Mom. But, (pause), this is a story that really resonated with me after I saw the screenplay, and it means a lot to her too. Marie and Will did a phenomenal job bringing it to life.

E!I: Last question: would either of you care to address the rumors flying around the two of you tonight?

SH: What rumors?

RL: You came as my date, Shane.

SH: Oh. Right.

RL: But I will gladly say that we are close friends now, and I would love to work with Shane again in the future.

SH: The same goes for me.

E!I: Thanks for chatting with me!

RL: It was our pleasure.

Ilya doesn't want to be here right now. He would rather be flying out to LA early to get an extra day with Shane before All-Stars, but apparently Shane has an event that he has been booked for.

So Ilya, instead, is spending his night with the Raiders at the theatre. Watching a movie about hockey, apparently. As though they don't spend their lives playing hockey.

The rookies have already managed to spill popcorn and two large Cokes all over themselves.

He doesn't intend to pay attention. He really doesn't.

The screen goes dark.

Patterns carved by skates on the ice outline the opening credits before the shot wipes down to the outside of the rink.

The figure of a girl with curly blonde hair is cast in shadow by the early morning sunlight. She takes a drag from a cigarette and breathes the smoke out evenly, tapping her fingers on the wall.

"Uh, I don't think you're supposed to smoke here," a voice cuts in over the speakers, the girl turning her head at the sound.

The boy who appears on screen is a figment of memory. He looks like Shane did all those years ago before World Juniors, but with fewer freckles.

"What's it to you," the girl says, holding the cigarette between her fingers.

The boy points at the no-smoking sign on the wall behind her. "It's a no-smoking area."

She rolls her eyes and stubs the cigarette out. "Fine. What are you doing here?"

"Wanted to get here early for practice," he says, "but the doors are locked."

She looks him up and down. "You're that new forward, then."

"Uh yeah. Jason Sivertsen. It's nice to meet you." He holds his hand out for her to shake.

She takes it gingerly and shakes once before letting it go.

"And you are?" he prompts her.

"...Cynthia Ryan."

As she says her name, the tops of his cheeks turn slightly red. "You're the Canadian Junior Champion."

She stops in her tracks from where she had started to turn away. "Yeah. That's me."

"You're an awesome skater to watch," he says, and holds his hand out to shake again. This time, she takes it a little more firmly, and smiles a little bit, inadvertently.

"Come on." She fishes a set of keys out of her pocket. "I can get us in."

He follows in her wake, the shot shifting out of focus as the title card appears on screen.

"Jane," Ilya whispers, his eyes wide. "Jane Dutch."

Jane Dutch. Shane Hollander.

How they met, transformed into a different story. Teenage sweethearts, opposed at first, competing in every athletic pursuit that they share, choosing to be together despite every barrier between them. Their sports, their families, the distance.

(Behind him, Cliff Marleau starts tugging on Victor St. Simon's sleeve.

"Give me my 50 bucks back, man. I told you that was his Jane."

"That's not confirmation."

"Yeah it fuckin' is! Look at him!")

The movie ends with Cynthia yelling at her parents in a way Ilya could never imagine yelling at his father, telling them that there are things that are more important to her than their expectations. She is alone, looking at the sunrise, her phone buzzing with a text from Jason saying, I'll see you again. I promise.

There is wetness on his face. He does not reach up to touch it.

The screen goes dark.

Skates cutting across the ice. A lone figure, dressed in blue, drawing her leg up behind her as she spins.

Suddenly, another figure enters the screen to cheers, muted in the background, in a blue costume tailored to match Cynthia's.

Jason, older, but still the same boy who was Cynthia's first kiss, catches her as she exits her spin and lifts her into the air.

Except it isn't Jason. Not the teenage actor who carried the role through the film.

It's Shane. 

And he's lifting Rose Landry.

Chapter End Notes

I hope you liked it! Feel free to tell me what you think.

Quick Notes:

- The chapter count has gone up. Again. Pray for me.
- We're now seeing the Tuna Melt Redux from Ilya's perspective. I promised we would get there! Plus a little bit of what he's been doing :) The dialogue is the same, but it's not a complete repeat. I promise there are new things!
- A bit of Ilya's mindset comes from the courtship of ilya rozanov by cherrylilies (cherrydialectic). If you haven't read it already, you absolutely should. It's so good.
- I couldn't pull the actors themselves directly (just a bit too young), but Marie and Will are indeed inspired by Marie-Sophie Nélisse and Hudson Williams. I would say they're both around 17-18, and obviously, look like the younger versions of Rose and Shane. However, you will have to imagine Sophie with curly blond hair instead of the waves she had at the time. Rose, for the final scene, is wearing a wig.
- Why did Shane do the cameo and go to the premiere? We'll get into his reasoning in chapter 7. I thought I could do it here, but Ilya really ran away from me, as you can tell.
- Quick rundown of what I didn't cover about the movie: The plot covers Cynthia and Jason's final year in school as they compete at the junior level. They get caught after prom by Cynthia's parents, who are quite rude and racist to Jason. The next day, Jason's drafted to a team on the East Coast (Cynthia lives in Victoria, British Columbia). They cover their time in a long distance relationship in secret for about a year, as Jason is pressured as the new face of the franchise and Cynthia is considered a contender for the top female skater in Canada, including their communications over texting and mild taunting via ad campaigns.
- The movie ends with Cynthia confronting her parents as I mentioned and the final scene/post-credits cameo is the exhibition gala--however, the novel goes further into their reunion (read: the smut scenes mentioned in chapter 4)
- The NHL All-Stars did actually happen in LA in 2017. It worked a little better for my purposes. Sorry, Tampa!
- I had a true fangirl moment yesterday when I saw skargasm’s banner art for this fic—please go check it out! It’s exactly how I imagined Moment of Truth would look :)

Chapter 7: Interlude: All-Stars

Chapter Notes

Spring 2016

January 2017

Ilya walks slowly so he doesn't stumble on his way out of the theatre. The tears have been dashed away, long before the house lights went on again.

"Whoa," Connors says.

"What?" Ilya snaps.

"Guys, have you seen this? Rose Landry took Hollander as her date to the premiere in LA! Apparently he consulted on the movie, and that's part of why they brought him in for the cameo at the end."

Shane had an event that he flew out early for.

Consulted on the movie.

Part of why they brought him in for the cameo at the end.

"Connors." Ilya says slowly.

"Yeah?"

"You have this book? Face-Off?"

"...uh yeah, my girlfriend loves it."

"I need it before tomorrow." He needs to know what Shane wrote about them.

He has one night before he flies out to All-Stars in LA.

"I might have it in my car--"

Ilya starts walking towards him. "We will go get it then."

While they walk off towards Connors' car, the rest of the Raiders huddle up.

"I was absolutely right, dude. He was crying. That's his Jane," Cliff says, before stopping to think for a moment. "Wait. Does this mean we were reading about his sex life?"

"It's not like we weren't hearing about it anyway," Victor says. "It's why we made the bet, dude."

"Right," Cliff says. "Still kind of harsh of her to write him into it for sex scenes but then make the male lead based on Hollander. And then have him in the movie. Can you imagine if Roz had a cameo? That would be crazy."

The Raiders take a moment to ponder this thought.

"Do you think she bagged them both?" Sebbin asks.

They take another moment to ponder this.

"She has to be legendarily hot then," Hammersmith says. "'Cause that's insane. Hollander and Rozanov?"

"She does seem to know hockey well. And if she fucks as well as she writes about fucking, it's no wonder," Sebbin says.

"Wait, fuck, he's flying out for All-Stars tomorrow," Cliff interjects. "He just found out that his Jane's been seeing Hollander on the side. Hollander's going to die."

"We have to do damage control," Victor says. "Circle up, boys. It's time."

Connors comes running back just as the circle closes. "Bro, thank god I had it in my car. I think he was going to kill me if I didn't."

"That's not the important thing, Connors. Jane Dutch has been two-timing Roz with Hollander. We have to do damage control."

"Oh. Oh fuck."

"You have Boiziau's number, right? Text him. They'll need a warning."

As Connors gets his phone out, Sebbin says, "Are we really out here trying to protect Shane Hollander from our own captain's wrath?"

They take another long moment to ponder this.

"...the rivalry isn't worth them killing each other," Cliff says finally. "Roz plays his best hockey against Hollander. We need him to keep that up."

"Fair enough."

The book is everything the movie is and more.

It's a little bit rougher and rawer, the conflict between Cynthia and Jason more distinct at first.

But still, it is them, reinterpreted.

Different distances, a slightly different time, different reasons for their meetings to be quiet and quick, but it cannot be mistaken. By Ilya, at least.

There’s a subtle change when Cynthia leaves her home. The text from Jason does not say I’ll see you again. I promise.

It says, I love you always.

He has to close his eyes and breathe for a moment.

And then he gets beyond the exhibition gala, beyond Cynthia and Jason kissing chastely.

All the way through a first time that reads as familiar for reasons he does not want to acknowledge.

A sequence he recognizes, from having read it in the words of a puck bunny, over and over and over again, with words taken out of his own mouth.

So, on the one hand, Shane has taken memories that Ilya treasures and turned them into a story about love. It is hard not to seek deeper meaning from that.

On the other hand, he has taken experiences that he had with other people and rendered them on the page with just as much devotion.

And he has put himself into the narrative, not with a one-night-stand, but a woman whom everyone thinks is perfect.

Ilya can't help himself.

He needs to know if there is a chance, even the slimmest hope, that Shane has not moved on. That he has not given up because what Ilya offers him is pitiful in exchange.

That he has not given every ounce of his relentless dedication to the beautiful woman on the screen, whom he could choose so easily, whom he can be seen with without the fuss of years in hiding.

Ilya doesn’t go straight to room 1217, much as he wants to.

He knows better than that.

He gets the front desk to move him into 1219, avoids the various suspicious-looking people in the lobby and makes his way up.

When he lets himself in through the adjoining door, Shane stands up from the armchair by the window. "Ilya."

"Shane."

They meet, lips first, in the middle of the room.

They're both shirtless by the time they make to the bed, Shane straddled over Ilya's lap.

Ilya has to focus. "I heard you went to the premiere with Rose Landry," he says.

Shane rolls his eyes. "God. The press are relentless."

"No, no, I was going to say good for you." Ilya drags his hands up Shane's sides, feeling the flex of muscle and sinew. "She is beautiful."

"We're just friends, Ilya," Shane says. 

"Like we are just friends, hm?"

Fuck.

Not how he should have said it, because Shane starts to pull away.

"We don't--I didn't--it's different, okay? Don't get mad at her."

Ilya lets his hands drift to Shane's back, keeping him on his lap. "She knows you are Jane Dutch."

Shane goes pale as a ghost, eyes wide.

The smile that creeps across Ilya's face is just a little vindictive. "How long."

"Since the stupid post," Shane whispers.

"Oh yes, the Pussyblaster 3000. You wrote it much nicer, I think." Ilya counts back in his head. "Since 2015 then."

"...yeah."

He lets the silence sit heavy in the air.

"How did you figure it out?" Shane asks finally, when his breathing has slowed back to normal.

Ilya snorts. "You made a movie about hockey and expected I would not hear about it?"

"It worked for seven years with the books." Shane looks a little bit smug, and then tries to hide it.

To be fair, Ilya doesn't read in English that often. It wasn't impossible for him to miss it.

"All this time," he says slowly. "All this time you were doing this." A thought occurs to him. "Was it for the books or for the sex, then?"

"What?"

"Did you keep doing this for the books or for the sex?" It's meant to hurt, is the thing.

Because if it's for the books, then Ilya has fallen in love with spent years chasing someone who did not truly want him.

If it is for the sex, then Shane Hollander is far more mercenary than Ilya believed him to be.

"Fuck you!" Shane shoves him back at the shoulders. Ilya reflexively clamps his arms down tighter. "Fuck you. It wasn't about either." There are tears glimmering in his eyes.

Ilya tucks his chin over Shane's shoulder. He can't look him in the face when he says this.

"You have written many stories, любимый. [beloved] I think it is time that I tell you one."

Shane nods hesitantly.

"Years ago, I came to Canada for IPC. I needed to be better than everyone there, so some team here would pick me and keep me. My father did not think I could do it, you know? He wanted me to stay in Russia, play for Russia. The whole time in training, I hear about this boy from Canada who will be the first draft pick. Everyone knew it. He was too good. I needed to be better than him or I would never make it out."

Shane's back has tensed up.

"And then he comes up to me in a parking lot in stupid town in Saskatchewan and I am thinking of nothing but лвеснушки. [freckles] Freckles. He comes up to me and says hello, that he likes to watch me play, and I cannot think of anything else."

"You sure didn't show it."

"And from then, it is all anyone ever talks about. Hollander and Rozanov. I could not keep myself away from him. I look for him during the draft. I made them change commercial so we would shoot together. I have to jerk off at him in the shower so he knows I am flirting. I face off against him again and again and it is the most fun I ever have playing hockey."

"Ilya--"

"I meet up with him when we are in the same city because he sucks dick like you cannot believe--"

"Fuck you!"

"I wait for two years to really fuck him for the first time, because he is too loud and too shy to do it when there are people around. I come up to murder building and he is angry at me and then he comes untouched when I fuck him. Made me feel like god. Was too good. I ask him if it was worth the wait, if I was worth the wait, and he kisses me soft like I am not big Russian asshole who has corrupted him."

"You did not corrupt me."

Ilya shrugs. "Everyone would think it."

"Ilya." Shane's arms are an iron band around him. "I wanted it as much as you did. You did not corrupt me."

Ilya has to choke back a sound in his throat at that. "And then we both go to Sochi, and everyone is watching. I have to win for Russia, even if team is falling apart and the trainers are grabbing people in the night for injections."

"Doping?" Shane's voice is hard.

"I did not. I told them I would go to IOC if they tried. Everyone there thinks we would have won against Latvia if I said yes."

"That--"

"It is what it is, now. But then, I was angry. My father would tell me I was lazy, disgrace to the nation, and then forget who the coach was. And then, the beautiful boy comes to me again, says he hopes I am well, and I knew I was distracted. I was distracted from winning because I could not stop thinking about if they would see it on my face, that I had sex with a man, and take me to jail."

"I looked up the anti-gay laws," Shane says. "After Sochi. I told myself it was just research for the novel."

Ilya huffs a broken laugh. "I hoped that would be reason enough. I could not let myself think of him in the months after. I let the texts come and stared at them during the night. And it worked. I won the Cup. But it was not Olympic gold. It was never going to mean anything to my family except more money, maybe. It is all I am worth to them here, when my father remembers less every day and Alexei cannot stay around long enough to care for him."

"Oh," Shane says. "I didn't know."

"I did not want anyone to know. I barely breathed again until I saw the beautiful boy again in Las Vegas, and he is angry at me but that means he has not forgotten. I knew if I kissed him that night, I would not stop for the rest of my life, for how short it would be." If he had, that summer in Russia would not have lasted long.

"Ilya!"

Ilya presses a brief kiss to his lips. "Please, моя любовь. [my love] Let me finish."

Shane looks like he wants to protest, the little wrinkle forming above his brow, but subsides.

"We met again and again, and every time I leave I miss it. He wins the Cup, and I say it should have been me, but still I know he deserves it, because he is the only one who could, if it were not me. My friend, Svetlana, always tells me he is handsome, that I have to work if I want to beat him. And I laugh with her, but I have always known this."

Shane's face scrunches up again at the mention of Svetlana.

"And then I read this thing from some woman about him being perfect lover for her. I know he is perfect lover, but not like this. I do not know this quiet man who lasts forever and is Pussyblaster 3000. I did not want to believe it."

Shane's chest is shaking against his; Ilya can't tell if he is crying or laughing.

"So I ask him about it. And he tells me I am the only one he lets have him like this. I felt like I was losing my mind. This perfect man lets me ruin him. He says my name when I ask him to and I felt it in my chest. And after, he kept saying it, and I said his, and it was better than I could have imagined. I got away with it." He smiles against Shane's neck.

"I was not ruined, you asshole. And it's normal for people to call each other by their first names."

"He let me text him many times over the next year," Ilya continues. "He let me hear as he came over the phone. He let me have whatever I wanted. It was so much that I almost could not take it. I had to keep it small so it would not burst out of me. So I could go home and see my mother's grave still, and be able to come back to him."

Shane inhales sharply.

"And then, I go to the theatre even though I just want to go see him early, and the first time we met is on the screen, except I am a girl and a figure skater. And his name is there, the one I gave him. All of these memories that only he and I knew, and everyone sees them and loves them. It made me think that one day, maybe, we could say it ourselves."

Shane's hands cup his face, thumbs brushing away the tears that have slipped out.

"And then he is there, playing the character that is him, but he is holding a beautiful woman like he loves her. And he goes to the premiere with her, and says they are friends, when the two of us have been less than friends for all the years we have known each other. I know he could be happy with her."

"I wouldn't be," Shane says, voice filled with conviction. "I wouldn't be, because I'm gay, and every time I had sex with a woman it was about doing research for my books. I based the stories on the things I consider romantic."

Ilya stares at him for a moment, shocked out of the melancholy he was driving himself into.

"You slutted yourself out for your books?"

"I did not slut myself out--" Shane smacks Ilya's chest. "I did not slut myself out! And anyway, I stopped doing that in 2015. It felt weird."

"Because..."

"Because I only wanted to fuck you, Ilya. Is that what you want to hear?"

He might come from the thought of it. "Yes, моя любовь." [my love]

Chapter End Notes

I hope you liked it! Feel free to tell me what you think.

Quick Notes:

- It's gotten longer, once again. Buckle in, folks.
- Sorry for the slight delay; I was traveling earlier this week and then had a plethora of medical appointments that limited my writing time. I'm doing my best to stick to my update schedule for the rest of this fic, but the later chapters (as they get longer) might take a little bit more time. Thank you for your patience.
- We're finally getting Shane's reasoning for the cameo. Is it good reasoning? Debatable.
- And so we see the Raiders start the world's silliest game of telephone. :) They're always a little goofy in my fics.
- Lots of texting this go around! I needed to cover a lot of reactions.
- Did you catch the pun? <3
- Ilya is being just a wee bit dramatic. And self-deprecating. And a lover boy.
- On the topic of All-Stars; this is when it actually did happen IRL--it just happened to work better for my purposes than Tampa. Ilya is seeing the movie on Friday night and flying out Saturday morning; the actual game is on Sunday, but I set the skills competitions on Saturday.
- We didn't even end up getting to the actual All-Stars game, that's how much this got away from me.

A quick update on the WAGs, who do not appear in this chapter beyond mentions from their husbands but are nonetheless important to me:

Jacqueline "Jackie" Pike neé Bergeron - Hayden Pike's wife, who has three kids and a fourth on the way, who gleefully pegged her husband amidst the hormonal shifts of pregnancy. Present since 2010.
Nicole Miitka - Sorren Miitka's wife and a staunch goalie advocate, who was raised in a house with 3 sisters around her. Has a reasonable husband. Present since 2012.
Nataly Drapeau - Patrice Drapeau's wife and a fellow goalie advocate. In labor, at the moment! Present since 2013.
Valerie Comeau - Gilbert Comeau's wife. Has a toddler in the terrible 2s. Loved seeing Face-Off in theatres. Deserves a better husband. Present since 2014.
Carine Toussaint - J.J. Boiziau's fiancée. A Haitian baddie. Studied data science at McGill. Had a couple of male friends try to come on to her to disastrous effect in the past. Might know a Violet, supposedly. Singlehandedly managing her extrovert fiancé. Present since 2015.

Chapter 8: Melting Hearts

Chapter Notes

When Shane and Ilya finally resurface, the texts that have poured in are a sharp reminder that the world exists outside of the hotel room.

After years of practice, it's easy enough to get dressed in the span of seconds. Ilya ducks back into his room first.

Shane heads for the service elevator.

He makes it all the way to the lobby before he starts seeing cameras flashing. The speed walk that he does isn't the most dignified, but it gets him out towards the pool faster.

Carter, Zane, and J.J. are gathered in a little worried clump.

"Hi guys," he says, a little breathless.

"Hollzy--"

"Hollywood--"

"Capitaine--" their voices overlap in cacophony. "You are alright! Why did you not answer my texts earlier?"

Shane can just tell the truth here. "My phone was having a stroke with notifications, J.J.. I had to turn it off before it overheated. Did something happen?"

"We were just worried about you, man," Zane says. "Glad to know that you're doing alright though."

"It's been a little chaotic," Shane says diplomatically.

"Have you seen Rozanov?" J.J. asks.

"No..." Shane lies. "Why?"

J.J. waves his phone in front of Shane's face. Shane squints at texts from Connor Connors.

Before he can question why J.J. is getting texted by a Boston player who isn't even here, he feels a weight land on his shoulders and a loud "Hollander!" chirped near his ear.

It takes physical effort on his part not to just relax into Ilya behind him. "Rozanov."

J.J. goes stiff. Carter and Zane aren't far behind.

"I hear you've been looking for me," Shane forces himself to say. "Care to explain?"

"You are captain of Atlantic Division team, yes? We must talk strategy."

Shane shrugs Ilya's arm off of his shoulders with a pervading sense of internal regret. "We'll talk later. In practice. I have to beat you for fastest skater first."

Ilya blows a raspberry and wanders off. "Will be you getting beat, not me, Hollander."

"Fuck off," Shane throws at his back as he leaves.

He gets a middle finger for his troubles. 

"Not how I thought that was going to go," Carter says with a little laugh. "Cats and dogs, the two of you."

"Well, we are on the same team for the first time ever," Shane says. "We can put the rivalry down for the weekend."

Zane opens his mouth to say something, but J.J. interrupts before he gets started. "You are okay, though? No mysterious injuries?" He starts patting over Shane's shoulders where Ilya's arm was.

"I'm good, J.J., I promise. Just, uh, trying to avoid the reporters."

"Oh yeah," Carter says in mild realization. "Did you really consult on Face-Off? I saw your name in the credits. And the cameo, obviously."

Thank god for Farah insisting on making a contract for it, honestly. "Yes. Rose wanted to know what it was like for us in the league. I was honest." More honest than they will ever know.

He wrote about slurs thrown thoughtlessly, about rarely seeing a face like his, about always being the first to do something, a trailblazer rather than walking in another's path.

He wrote about working twice as hard to get half as far. He wrote about suspicion for calling himself Canadian.

He wrote about being the kind of person that others don't know how to approach. 

Maybe know is not the word.

Maybe choose is the word.

"Good on you man." Zane says, clapping him on the shoulder. "I got teammates telling me they never thought about it that way."

Shane hadn't thought of his writing as something that could affect the way other teams operated. It's a little surreal. It feels a little silly that this is what it took. A book, practically a diary, that he wrote years ago, that the people around him started finally reading when the trailers for the movie came out.

There's a reason that the four of them are all at All-Stars this year, and it's not about the fan votes.

"Sorry, I sprung it on you, J.J.," Shane says lamely, breaking out of his train of thought. "NDAs, you know."

"Non," J.J. says firmly. "It was just a surprise. I liked it. Carine wants to go see it again."

"Cass does too!"

"I should see if Gloria is busy," Carter says, typing rapidly on his phone. 

lilybestbackhand (1 review, 0 followers) left a review on Icebreaker by Jane Dutch:

February 8, 2017

⭐⭐⭐⭐

Hockey is well written. Think of 2010-2011 Raiders. Team has potential and new star player. 

I like Lizzy more than Max. He is annoying sometimes. 

Sex sequences are accurate. 👍

lilybestbackhand (2 reviews, 49 followers) left a review on Face-Off by Jane Dutch:

February 17, 2017

⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

The first one I read. Rated Icebreaker first because Jane wrote first. Read Face-Off again for review.

Hockey is good as always. Jane loves hockey. 

The movie is very different.

I love you always is better than I'll see you again, I promise.

lilybestbackhand (3 reviews, 136 followers) left a review on Moment of Truth by Jane Dutch:

March 2, 2017

⭐⭐⭐⭐ .5

Jane likes goalies now? And university?

Anna is funny. Maybe likes hockey more than Noah.

I would feel better if Jane sat on my face. 😎

Edit 4/3/2017: This is Jason's parents?!?!?!?! Jane you have to say this more clearly.

lilybestbackhand (4 reviews, 2,687 followers) left a review on Pride of the Nation by Jane Dutch:

March 13, 2017

⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

Прости меня, моя любовь. [I am sorry, my love]

Deuxmoi @deuxmoi

Shane Hollander seen out with the Montreal Stars this weekend!

[Image: Shane Hollander entering a dimly lit club with several of the Montreal Stars. He is wearing a backwards cap and a white t-shirt over sweatpants, unlike the majority of people present in the image]

brad @bradsanders

i don't think the captain of an Original Six team should be hanging out with dykes instead of his team

 

vicky @metroswin

dude you missed the other pictures which clearly have hayden pike and j.j. boiziau

[Image: Hollander with Pike and Boiziau at the same club, along with Pike's wife Jackie and Boiziau's fiancée Carine Toussaint. Hollander is notably underdressed for the club.]

 

Joey @Puckwizard456

Dude he's won the last two Cups. The Metros are on track for a third. he can do whatever he wants as long as he keeps bringing Cups back to Montreal.

 

elisa @elisachirps

also look at him. that's the straightest man i've ever seen. sweat pants and a t-shirt to the club? come ON

 

mateo @iceday

imagine being that insecure about your masculinity

 

mateo @iceday

he's out with the MONTREAL STARS. his team's SISTER ORGANIZATION. wtf are you on, brad.

Unfortunately, life can't always go to plan.

PHONE CALL TRANSCRIPT: S. Hollander -> I. Rozanov  
Date: 19 March 2017
Duration: 01:45

CALL INITIATED

I. Rozanov: Allo?

S. Hollander: Ilya?

I. Rozanov: ...Shane.

S. Hollander: Sorry. I wasn't expecting you to answer.

I. Rozanov: Is okay.

S. Hollander: Are you? You didn't fly to Nashville.

I. Rozanov: Ah, no. I am...home.

S. Hollander: In Boston? Did you get hurt?

I. Rozanov: Moscow.

S. Hollander: Oh...did--did something happen? Is your family okay?

I. Rozanov: My father is dead.

S. Hollander: Shit. Ilya, I'm so sorry. 

I. Rozanov: Is not your fault.

S. Hollander: Still--

I. Rozanov: He was old man. Forgetting everything.

S. Hollander: ...

I. Rozanov: I will not be gone long. Just a week.

S. Hollander: You should take more time. Don't--

I. Rozanov: You would like that, yes?

S. Hollander: Ilya, I'm not talking about hockey right now. 

I. Rozanov: (unidentifiable noise)

S. Hollander: If you need anything, call me, okay? I want to help, if I can.

I. Rozanov: There is little you can do, любимый. [beloved]

S. Hollander: I can listen, at least.

I. Rozanov: ...okay.

CALL TERMINATED

PHONE CALL TRANSCRIPT: I. Rozanov  -> S. Hollander
Date: 21 March 2017
Duration: 07:24

CALL INITIATED

S. Hollander: How are you doing?

I. Rozanov: I feel--I don't know.

S. Hollander: How is the family treating you?

I. Rozanov: They do not want me here.

S. Hollander: ...he was your father.

I. Rozanov: Yes. Well, they need me to pay for everything, so I am here. 

S. Hollander: Are you upset?

I. Rozanov: Why should I be? I have known this. 

S. Hollander: That they want your money?

I. Rozanov: Of course. You are too clever, моя любовь. [my love] I cannot--English is too hard right now.

S. Hollander: I'm sorry. I wish--I wish I knew Russian.

I. Rozanov: (wet laugh) I am surprised you do not already know. 

S. Hollander: Ilya--

I. Rozanov: You could probably learn in a week, maybe.

S. Hollander: ...Where are you?

I. Rozanov: Walking. I did not want to be around them.

S. Hollander: You're outside?

I. Rozanov: It is fucking freezing out.

S. Hollander: You could tell me. In Russian.

I. Rozanov: (sound of wind in tunnel)

S. Hollander: I might not understand it, but I could listen. It'll be like you reading my books.

I. Rozanov: ...How did you know about that.

S. Hollander: You used the same username for your Goodreads.

I. Rozanov: You are stalking me now?

S. Hollander: Ilya.

I. Rozanov: Joking, joking. (exhale)
Я никогда больше сюда не вернусь. [I am never coming back here again.]
Я здесь все ненавижу. И все меня ненавидят. [I hate everything here. And they all hate me.]
Я за все плачу. [I pay for everything.]
Я слежу чтобы у всех были нормальные вещи, Чтобы еда была на уровне, Чтобы отец был похоронен рядом с его родителями, Чтобы могила была идеальна. [I make sure everyone has decent things, that the food is good enough, that father is buried by his parents, that the tomb was perfect.]
И все, что я слышу, - это: “Мало” [And all I hear is: "Not enough.".]
Я хочу больше, Илья. Мне нужно больше, Илья. Больше, больше, больше, больше, больше, больше. [I want more, Ilya. I need more, Ilya, more, more, more, more, more, more.]
Я нихрена этим людям не могу дать. [I have nothing for these people.]
Я им все отдал, А сам чувствую себя пустым. [I gave them everything, but I feel fucking empty.]
А им пофиг. [They don't care.]
Смотрят на меня и видят либо банкомат, либо врага, Или… я не знаю кого. [They look at me and they see a bank, or an enemy, or...I don't even know what.]
брат, он всегда меня ненавидел. [My brother, he always hated me.]
Я знаю почему, но...Это убивает меня. [I know why, but...it kills me]
И меня убивает то, что он заботился о отце, а я нет. [And it kills me that he took care of father and I did not.]
Но я не мог! [But I could not!]
Меня здесь не было. [I wasn't here.]
Я все равно за все платил. [I still paid for it all.]
Но он никогда меня не простит. Ни за что. [And he will never forgive me. For any of it.]
Он ненавидит меня за сам факт моего существования. [He hates me for the fact of my existence.]
И это значит, что теперь…У меня никого нет. [And it means...I have no one now.]
Ну, не совсем никого, у меня есть... Светлана. [Well, not no one. I have...Svetlana.]
Она меня любит. И я ее люблю. [She loves me. And I love her.]
Но не так как…Черт. Не так как я люблю тебя.[But not like...damn. Not like I love you.]
Вот в чем вся хрень. Я хочу только тебя.[The worst part of all of this is that all I want is you.]
И всегда только тебя.[It's always you.]
Я так сильно тебя люблю и не знаю, что с этим делать.[I love you so much, and I don't know what to do about it.]
Я никогда больше сюда не вернусь. [I am never coming back here again.]

(deep exhale)
Okay. I am done.

S. Hollander: ...I wish I could be there with you.

I. Rozanov: No. You do not.

S. Hollander: It must be cold there.

I. Rozanov: It is.

S. Hollander: I know you probably have to go. But, um. Ya lyublyu tebya, Ilya. I think that's how you say it.

I. Rozanov: ...you little sneak.

S. Hollander: I can't understand Russian. But...if you had to learn my language, I thought I could learn at least one of the important things in yours.

I. Rozanov: Я люблю тебя, [I love you] Shane.

S. Hollander: See you soon.

I. Rozanov: See you soon.

CALL TERMINATED

Spring 2017

Recovering from a concussion and a fractured collarbone in his parents' house becomes excruciatingly boring by about day two, and the Metros don't exactly make it very far in the playoffs without him.

It's a good thing Jane Dutch's latest release was already about 95% of the way through the printing process when he went down.

The release gets pushed back a little bit. Right up to the first of June.

It's fitting, at least.

Melting Hearts by Jane Dutch

"Leah's fingers tangle with Rachel's for the slightest instant as she passes her water bottle over, lips tingling at the thought of sharing it..."

Jane Dutch's 2017 release, Melting Hearts, is a novella collection which follows several beloved characters on new adventures and brings in even more to love. The first novella, Game Day, finds Leah Richards falling for her teammate Rachel Thomas, after a kiss for luck leads them into a series of escalating amorous encounters for the sake of superstition. The second novella, Pass it Down, sees Cynthia Ryan attending her first family dinner with her boyfriend Jason's parents: Anna Park and Noah Sivertsen. The third and final novella, Melting Hearts, brings in new characters, in the form of jaded captain Roger Stevens coming out of a long-term slump, but only when he gets his signature drink from James Buckley, the attractive new barista at his local coffee shop.

"This Pride Month, Jane Dutch makes her first foray into exploring queer romance with a few lighthearted novellas, reminiscent of her early work. Joy, love and camaraderie are celebrated with characters new and old in this collection." ~ The New York Times.

Scott Hunter stands at the podium during the 2017 MLH Awards.

"In case you missed it somehow, I came out as gay in a ridiculously public way. And I've always been a private person, I've never really shared anything about my private life...but from what I've seen over the past few weeks, it's--it's maybe important that I do a bit. Fans have been sending me messages, and a lot of young fans, telling me how much it meant to them, for me to come out. And look. I love hockey. I'm so grateful that I get to do this for a living...but I also know what it feels like to not fit in."

"When I was a teenager, I realized that I may be that thing, that hockey players like to throw around as an insult. The kind of language that I heard on the ice and in the locker room every day was a constant reminder that I was different. When you have a secret you work as hard as I did to protect it's exhausting. It's a non-stop effort. And it's also really, really lonely. Thankfully, I found the person who changes everything. And he gave me the confidence and strength...and the need to be honest about who I am."

"Fear is a powerful thing. But then, uh, I found the one thing that is more powerful. So I share this honor with my teammates, and my coaches. But I also share it with you, Kip. You have made me better in every conceivable way."

"One last thing, before I step away." His brow furrows a little bit in consternation. "I recently read a novella by an author some of you might recognize. Jane Dutch."

The room titters with laughter.

"Ms. Dutch. I've never met you, as far as I'm aware, nor has my partner, so all I will say is this: thank you for saying that queer joy can exist in this sport. It always has, and it always will. Thank you all."

Chapter End Notes

I hope you liked it! Feel free to tell me what you think.

Quick Notes:

- This chapter originally had a much crackier premise, but I like that it went in a slightly more serious direction.
- Instead of the East vs. West format used in the books, I'm going off of the tournament style format that's split into the four divisions. It still allows for Ilya and Shane to be on the same team, but because this is around when they started requiring at least one player from each team, it means I can bring Bood in! :) It's his second season with the Centaurs, but he was likely an early draft pick in 2014 (I made him 3rd overall for the year) and he's already captain by this point afaik. I think that would qualify him for All-Stars.
- As always when I bring the players of color group chat in; please go read We are African Americans...and Mark (Shane) by yamheadashcoops
- Ilya edits his review of Moment of Truth after two days. Not in April.
- Yes I am highlighting the fact that Shane did not get a stylist in this 'verse. Ilya looks at that picture and is like wow. I have to dress him for the rest of my life.
- Credit to shprotytuna on tumblr for their analysis and translation of Ilya's Russian monologue. I've tweaked a few things according to their suggestions, as well as for my own purposes.
- I chose to transliterate Shane saying I love you (ya lyublyu tebya) to contrast it with Ilya's fluency; his pronunciation isn't perfect, but he's trying.
- Yes, the last novella is exactly what you think it is. :)
- Though we do not cover their story very much, Kip and Scott are operating on book timeline here, where they meet in February, shortly after All-Stars. Shane and Ilya are simply too busy with other things to pay attention to them. Mostly.
- That is Scott's speech, transcribed, with the slightest of changes at the end. Scott Hunter is deeply afraid of Jane Dutch now. He thinks she is a psychic hockey romance author who is haunting high-caliber players.
- Please check out Strangemagpie’s fantastic cover art, including their cover for Face-Off! I’m so honored that so many of you took inspiration from my work!

Shane Hollander's Jane Dutch's style guide:

- No slang terms for body parts. Anatomical terms preferred, but the exceptions list is as follows: dick, cock, balls, pussy, clit, tits (gender neutral), ass, and hole. Shaft and slit are allowed, but only as anatomical features and not synecdoche.
- There will be no beaver, no fanny, no kitty, no turgid member, no wang, no schlong, no velvet-wrapped steel, no his/her sex, none of it.
- Dick sizes are based on IRL experiences (read: himself and Ilya). People read it as expected for the genre. Sometimes gets complaints about being unnecessarily thorough about prep and foreplay.
- Dialogue tends to come from what he does with Ilya, but he pulls mechanical descriptions from research.
- He is extremely determined not to be weird about sex acts that he cannot experience, and is thus very thorough in his research about it. He asks a lot of questions.

The Metros' WAGs life updates

Jacqueline "Jackie" Pike neé Bergeron - Hayden Pike's wife, who has three kids and a fourth on the way. Has lots of advice about recovery post-birth. Present since 2010.
Nicole Miitka - Sorren Miitka's wife and a staunch goalie advocate, who was raised in a house with 3 sisters around her. A true ride-or-die. Present since 2012.
Nataly Drapeau - Patrice Drapeau's wife and a fellow goalie advocate. She's had her baby girl! Present since 2013.
Valerie Comeau - Gilbert Comeau's wife. Has a toddler in the terrible 2s. Loved seeing Face-Off in theatres. Also has lots of advice about recovery post-birth. Present since 2014.
Carine Toussaint - J.J. Boiziau's fiancée. A Haitian baddie. Studied data science at McGill. Had a delightful time at All-Stars meeting Rose Landry, Svetlana Vetrova, Gloria Grey, and Cassie Boodram in the box. Present since 2015.

Chapter 9: Interlude: The Cottage

Chapter Notes

April 2017

Shane is sleeping when Ilya walks into his hospital room at 9:00 in the morning.

His parents, however, are not.

"Rozanov," Yuna Hollander says, always formidable in defense of her son, even as her hand strokes through his hair. "What are you doing here."

"Mrs. Hollander," he says, "Mr. Hollander." He nods to Shane's father on the other side of the bed. "I--um. I wanted to offer my respects. Captain to captain." It's nowhere close to the whole truth. But it's not as though he can share that now, while Shane is sleeping. "Marleau is very sorry."

"Well, you've offered your respects," she says, her tone implying that he doesn't have to stick around after. And that she doesn't think much of what he has to offer.

Ilya looks down at a vase of lilies, sitting on a table in the corner of the room.

Good. The florist got his rush order.

"Is he going to be alright?" Ilya blurts out.

She looks at him for a second, her expression a mix of shock and derision. "Why is that your concern, Rozanov?"

Ilya pushes down the instinct to get combative with Shane's mother. It will do neither of them any good. 

"He won't be in the playoffs," Shane's father says. "But he woke up a little while ago. He'll be back and beating you next year."

Ilya fights hard to keep the overwhelming relief from breaking through the neutral expression on his face. "Good to hear that he will be fine for the Raiders to beat next year."

Yuna Hollander clearly suppresses some rage, opening her mouth for a moment before she thinks better of whatever she was about to say.

"Anyway," Ilya continues, "It was..." euphoric, "fun to play on same team at All-Stars this year. I hope it will not be the last time."

From the way that Mr. Hollander's face softens, Ilya has tipped his hand.

"I'm glad to hear that you boys are getting along better," he says. 

Ilya waves a hand. "Rivalry is mostly marketing. Professional. We have been playing hockey against each other since 2008. Is a long time to be angry over the game, especially for good Canadian boy like your son." Fuck. He's said too much. "We have mutual friend, and talk on occasion. Nice to have someone who makes hockey interesting."

It's true, for all that he's called Shane boring to his face. Ilya is never more invested in the game than when he is facing Shane down on the ice.

He has still said far too much.

Yuna visibly composes herself. "Good to know that you can show some civility, Rozanov."

"Ilya," he instinctively corrects. "Call me Ilya."

"Ilya," she says, with a tinge of realization, mimicking how he says it, just like Shane did. 

"Well, Ilya," Shane's father says. "It's nice to properly meet you, despite the circumstances. David Hollander."

David stands and extends a hand, and Ilya shakes it, feeling like his world has been upended.

They are so like their son, or rather, he is so much like them.

As Ilya releases David's hand, he nods to Yuna. "Thank you for letting me see him." He turns, deliberate so it doesn't look like he's running away.

("Mutual friend?" Yuna asks as the door closes behind him.

"I think there might be more to those rumors about them becoming friendly than we anticipated," David says.

They turn to look at their son, peacefully sleeping in the hospital bed.)

June 2017

All things considered, Scott Hunter Night has more people in attendance than the man of the hour anticipated.

Including one Ilya Rozanov, checking his phone at the edge of the crowd, just outside the VIP area.

"What are you doing here?" Scott has to shout over the music.

"Wanted to see if you could actually throw a party, old man." He gestures out at the crowd. "Seems like you can."

Scott has to laugh a little at that. "Did you just come to make fun of me or..."

Rozanov smiles, but it's not the vicious thing that Scott has always seen on the ice. It's a little softer. Makes him look younger. "Just came to say good speech. Well written. Did your boyfriend write it?"

"Fuck off," Scott says, not really meaning it. The fact that Rozanov can even ask if Kip wrote it feels surreal.

"Is not easy to be the first. But it will be good. Not just for you," Rozanov continues, his face pensive as he looks out at the crowd.

"Thanks," Scott says, eyeing him a little suspiciously. "By the way, uh, how did your girlfriend know?"

"Know what?" The fact that he doesn't try to deflect around the girlfriend comment leaves Scott questioning his instinct, and whether Rozanov really has more to gain from Scott coming out than he thought.

Or it's just shorthand at this point, because everyone knows that Ilya Rozanov has been hooking up with the queen of hockey romance for several years at this point. As the Boston Raiders would tell it, at least.

"Her novella. Melting Hearts. Kip and I met in a very similar way." It occurs to him that this might be a stupid question seconds before he says it. "You're not dating one of my friends in secret, right?" If one of Scott's friends is Jane Dutch, he might need to reevaluate how much attention he's been paying to the people around him.

"You have friends?" The chirpy grin is back.

"Come on, Rozanov. Did you talk to her or something?" 

"She did not need me to," he says as he gives Scott a look up and down. "Jane writes what she wants."

That's more unsettling than anything. Rozanov guessing is one thing. The woman he's dating, apparently, who writes with a painfully intimate knowledge of hockey and has somehow written all of Scott's fears on the page in a way that made multiple players come up to him and apologize, is another.

That's a question for another time. Scott has more pertinent rumors to address. "Did she come to All-Stars? Carter wants to know."

He's not asking the deeper question, which concerns the fact that half the league believes Rozanov and Hollander reconciled their differences for All-Stars by having a threesome with Jane Dutch. Everyone has been a little too afraid to ask.

"You are so curious about Jane, Hunter. Why? You want to know what she does with her hips, yes?" He wiggles his eyebrows suggestively.

"No!" Scott says reflexively, even though he is kind of morbidly curious. "Fine. You don't have to answer." Clearly, she's something else if she can lock down Rozanov. Some kind of witch.

A phantom who's haunting MLH players with secrets to hide.

"Was not planning on it." Rozanov checks his phone and smiles for a second, the softer thing that he had before Scott opened himself up to chirping. "Hm. Sorry to leave Scott Hunter Night, but I will have to step out."

"Places to go?"

"Flight to catch," he says, his thumb moving rapidly on the screen. "Off to see my Jane."

He wanders off through the club with an inexorable gravity about him. The crowd parts around him, but Rozanov only has his eyes on the door.

Somehow, after that conversation, Scott knows much less than he did before about both Ilya Rozanov and Jane Dutch. 

But that's just how it is with Rozanov. Mind games all the way down.

lilybestbackhand (5 reviews, 3,897 followers) left a review on Melting Hearts by Jane Dutch

June 14, 2017

⭐⭐⭐⭐ .5

Shorter stories this time! Good work, Jane.

The water bottle scene ;). Fun rituals for Leah and Rachel.

Nice to see Cynthia meet Jason's family. )))

Did you have a poster of the old man on your wall when you were a teenager, Jane?

EDIT 29/6/2017: He thinks you have not met him. 😏

As soon as Ilya gets in the car in the airport parking lot, Shane says, "Tell me."

Ilya quirks an eyebrow. "No hello? No how are you? No kiss for your lover who has been on plane for hours--"

"Ilya-"

"Fine! Fine!" He takes a deep breath as Shane puts the car in drive and starts pulling out. "Scott Hunter thinks you wrote Melting Hearts about him."

"What?!" Shane says. "Why would it be about him? I didn't even know he was gay until he came out!"

"Apparently, he met his boyfriend at smoothie shop." 

"That doesn't make it about him. It's a very common premise. Did he really meet his boyfriend like that?"

"He thinks you are witch living in his walls, Мой любимый." [My beloved]

"I haven't even met his boyfriend! Is he crazy?"

"Yes, but we knew this. He is old man with fragile bones. And he wanted to know if Jane Dutch came to All-Stars. He thinks you stalk the league in the night."

The absurdity of it hits Shane like a sledgehammer.

After years of wondering what Hunter knows, of thinking about You're starting to sound like him, of feeling like the only way he could get his feelings out was to write and reframe them, he laughs.

At this rate, no one is ever going to actually guess, not without knowing him the way Ilya does. Even Rose didn't figure it out all the way.

Ilya's hand comes to cover his on the gear shift, warm as he squeezes lightly.

The cottage is perfect, for the first couple of days.

Seeing Ilya in his favorite place on Earth, both of them hiding nothing, just simply existing together in the idyllic summer, it's everything he could wish for.

They can't have this outside of their contained little pockets of time.

It's enough to have it here.

It has to be.

The perfection of it comes crashing down the second that Shane follows Ilya's eyes through the window to see his dad turn to leave.

"Fuck. Fuck!" Shane yanks the sliding door open. 

"Shane--" Ilya's hand extends behind Shane's back as he crosses through the cottage, the sound of the car engine turning on echoing like a gunshot.

David Hollander pulls out of the driveway as Shane walks through the front door, tires crunching on the gravel.

Shane stands paralyzed and numb on the front step for a long moment before he goes back inside.

"This is a nightmare." He rocks back and forth as he paces. "Fuck. This has to be a nightmare."

"Shane."

"What am I going to do?"

"Shane," Ilya says insistently. "We should go talk to him."

"What if he doesn't want to talk? What if my mom..." What if they never want to talk to me again.

"They will talk to you," Ilya says. "They talked to me."

"What? When?" The thought startles him out of the spiral for a brief moment.

"At the hospital. You were sleeping, любимый. [Beloved] I sent you the flowers, remember? Said I came by to talk, captain to captain." He shrugs. "Maybe they believed. Maybe they didn't. But we have been trying to be friends for public, yes? It will not be so bad."

"I've been lying to them for years, Ilya!"

"Was not a lie. You were just not ready to tell them," Ilya says soothingly.

"Well, what am I going to say then?" 

"Shane."

"This is my fucking nightmare, Ilya. I don't-I don't know what I'm going to do." Shane's breathing picks up, catching in his chest.

"Then maybe is time to wake up, любовь моя." [my love]

He lets Ilya draw him into his embrace, tucking his face against the side of his neck. "I didn't want it to be like this. I wanted to tell them."

"I know."

"I'm so scared."

"Yes, it's scary. But you are brave." Ilya's hand runs up his back. "You wrote this, remember?"

He did.

He did write it. 

Ilya is not Cynthia. But he is Shane's partner. He's lost what remains of his family, just this year.

He deserves to be more than a secret for the rest of their lives.

The rest of their lives. What a thought.

"Okay," he says as he draws back.

"And," Ilya says lightly, "They still do not know about Jane."

The paltry relief of it, that Shane still has one thing safeguarded, is enough to let his shoulders drop from where they have tensed up.

"Alright. We should get dressed."

(Minutes before, just after David arrived back at the Hollanders' cottage:

"Yuna!" He says as he comes in from the driveway. "Shane, um, has a guest. At least one. Maybe more."

"Oh!" She says, startled. "Oh. Did you...see them?"

"I was just getting the old charger," he blurts out, face slightly pallid. "They were coming in from outside. The lake."

"Why didn't he..." tell us, she leaves unspoken.

Before they can think about it too much, gravel crunches on the driveway as Shane's car pulls in.)

Ilya squeezes Shane's hand on the walk up. A silent reassurance.

All he can think of to say as they walk in is, "Hey, it's me. Shane." They know that. Why did he say that. "And, um, this is Ilya. Rozanov." They know that too.

"Hi," Ilya says. "Is nice to...meet you again. Mrs. Hollander. Mr. Hollander."

"Sorry," David says. "I was just getting the old charger because it's the only one that fits the iPad, and all the ones we brought up are new--"

"No, it's okay," Shane says. "It's okay. I, uh, didn't want you to find out like this, but--"

"Find out what, exactly?" Yuna asks, glancing out the window every few seconds, like she's expecting someone else to walk up towards the house.

"Ilya and I, we're together." Ilya puts his hand on Shane's shoulder. "We, um. It's complicated. Can we sit down, please?"

Wordlessly, David and Yuna start walking back towards the dining table.

David clears his throat. "So when you came to the hospital, that was--"

"Yes. I needed to know that he was okay." Ilya's gaze drops to the wood grain on the table. "They only let family back during the night. No one knew to tell me. Had to wait until morning."

Yuna makes a soft sound in her throat. "So then--Oh god. I'm sorry."

"No. No apologies," Ilya says quickly. "You did not know." 

"Has it just been since All-Stars, then?" David asks. "You two have been a lot more friendly since then."

"No. Um." Shane closes his eyes. "Since rookie season."

"Since rookie season?!" Yuna exclaims.

"No, is not true. Since summer before." Ilya's words make Yuna and David's eyes go even wider.

"So you've been in love since--"

"Um, no. Not the whole time. I think, um." Shane's words are starting to fail him.

"We stopped seeing other people in 2015," Ilya says delicately.

For some reason, this makes his parents look more confused, not less. 

"Then what about Jane?" Yuna asks.

Fucking what now.

"Jane?!" Shane can't be hearing this right now.

"There was a whole thing about her being at All-Stars with you two. I mean, we thought something was going on, but is she not involved with you any longer?"

"What is that supposed to mean?"

Both of his parents look supremely uncomfortable. David takes the first step. "Well, we saw you in the movie, and you said you weren't dating Rose. And then your mom remembered that you were a little reticent about Jane Dutch in the past. We, uh, we've thought for a while that you might not be straight. So when people kept asking us for comment, we didn't say anything, but we did a little research."

Ilya's shoulders are shaking. He has a hand over his mouth.

"Is it a metamour situation? I think that's what it's called," Yuna says. "Like she's only dating one of you, and this was supposed to be a couples' trip for the two of you?" He can't read the expression on her face.

Shane's arms hit the table before his forehead does, thankfully. 

"любимый?" [Beloved] Ilya instantly goes still, his hand coming up to Shane's back. "Are you okay?"

"Just, just freaking out a little bit. Need a second."

"Is good here. Your family is here, and they love you. I am here, and I love you." Ilya's voice falls into an even cadence, in time with his hand brushing over Shane's back. "Take your time."

Shane breathes, in for four, hold for four, out for four, hold for four.

When he sits back up, Ilya gives him a quick peck on the lips.

His parents are looking at them, smiling, but with a little bit of guilt and sadness.

Shane takes a deep breath in. 

At least he's telling them this instead of them finding out.

He exhales. "There is no Jane. Or at least, there is no woman named Jane Dutch."

"Well of course. It's a pen name," Yuna says.

"Yeah. Mine. I'm Jane Dutch."

Her mouth drops open in shock. David, on the other hand, looks a little surprised, and then like he's remembering something.

She turns to him. "David. You knew about this."

"I didn't know," he says. "But there are a few things I'm remembering now that I probably should have thought more about earlier."

"What things?" Shane demands, before he can take the words back.

"Well, you asked me an awful lot of questions about what it was like playing hockey at McGill back in 2013. Moment of Truth came out the next year."

Oh fuck.

Yuna stands up from the table abruptly, her face going red. "I need a drink." David follows after her.

Shane slumps down in his chair and drags his hands over his face. 

"That went okay, I think," Ilya says after a moment of silence.

Shane lets out a long groan in response.

(A whispered conversation in the kitchen:

"How did I not know? How did we not know?" Yuna hisses as David pulls his Russian vodka out of the back of the freezer.

"I don't know, Yuna," he says quietly. 

"I asked him about name infringement! God, it's so obviously a play on his name, and he said it was fine. I should have known."

"Do you think Rose Landry knows? You only met her the one time."

"No wonder he did the cameo." She's quiet for a moment. "At the end of Moment of Truth, he wrote about pond skating with their son. I remember thinking about it and going, just like we did with Shane."

"He did a good job differentiating it," David says thoughtfully. "The events of the story are very different. He just took...inspiration."

Her forehead drops onto his back. "Please don't make me think about that."

"What, that he wrote a romance novel based on us? Take it as a compliment. He thinks how we met is romantic." He turns around and wraps Yuna up in a hug.

"I don't think I can ever read it again," she says, muffled into his shoulder.

"Do you think he started doing the silent retreats so he could write his novels?" David wonders aloud. "He's very busy."

"I've read them in front of him!" She says, a little manic. "I can't believe this."

They slowly disentangle from each other as David says, "Come on. We left the room for too long.")

"So...how did it start?" Yuna asks Shane when they're back at the table. "Any particular reason you decided to start writing?"

Internally, Ilya is grateful for how direct Yuna Hollander is. He's been resisting asking why Shane started doing this for months.

Shane has been a very fetching shade of pink this entire time. He turns violently red as he says, "I read one of Jackie's book club books. The hockey was bad. I thought I could do better, so I did." 

That's the crux of it, isn't it. The man Ilya loves picked up poorly written smut a single time and decided he could do better than that.

Everyone says Shane Hollander is so humble.

He might defer praise, media-trained to perfection, but he is not a humble man.

боже, [God] Ilya can't imagine him any other way.

"I had wondered why the games were so detailed," she muses, almost absentmindedly.

"It's good for game analysis," Shane says. "I started reviewing tape differently because of it. It's easier to notice similarities between players if I have a template in mind."

"You did this to Marly!" Ilya realizes. "Chris, for Pride of the Nation. Marly, Price, and Boiziau, yes? High-level defensemen." It was singularly frustrating how the Metros seemed to have unstoppable offensive zone strategy in 2015.

"Yeah." There's a little smile on Shane's face.

"Who did you pick for Noah? I don't think you based him on my tape," David jumps in.

"Noah?" Shane casts his eyes to the ceiling. "Bennett, from the Admirals, and Hayes, from the Guardians."

"Bennett I understand, but why Hayes?" Yuna asks, leaning forward a little bit.

"He's underused. He isn't as flashy as Nilsson is, but he plays a steadier game. They'd have more shutouts if they put him in the net more often."

"This is why Scott Hunter thinks you are witch stalking the league," Ilya says in delight. "You have all these players in your mind all the time."

"It's good to know who your opponents are," Shane and Yuna chorus simultaneously. Ilya looks at David's indulgent smile and matches it with one of his own.

"The hockey, I get. What about the rest of it?" Yuna taps her fingers on the table. 

"Research, mostly. Firsthand accounts. It's why I asked you about McGill, Dad. The Stars were a huge help. I asked Yuuri about figure skating. The rest was me."

It's probably not a good idea to mention Shane's other research, so Ilya keeps his mouth shut.

"But Jason is really based on you, then. The locker room..." her voice tapers off. The slurs, the hazing, the pressure, the sabotage, she doesn't say. Ilya's experience was not the same, but he still felt it deep in his chest as he read the words that Shane put to the page.

"Juniors or rookie year stuff, but yeah," Shane says quietly. "They stopped doing it in front of me when they made me an alternate."

"In front of you," she echoes.

The room falls quiet for a moment.

She stands again, and walks in silence towards the door. Shane follows after her, his chair screeching slightly against the floor.

"Would you mind giving me a hand with lunch, Ilya?" David asks.

Ilya just follows him to the kitchen.

Shane hears his mom take a deep, shaky breath as the door creaks shut behind him.

He drapes her cardigan over her shoulders, having needed something to do with his hands.

"I'll stop if you want me to," He chokes out, even though it feels like a pit opening in his chest. "I know it's a lot. I didn't think people would like it, um, as much as they do. I'm sorry--"

"No, baby," she says instantly. "I'm sorry I made you feel like you couldn't tell me." Her hand comes up to cradle his face.

"It was--just the one thing that was mine." One thing that wasn't related to Shane Hollander, #24, face of the Metros. "I guess I could have kept them as journals or something. But, uh, Farah asked me what I was writing, one time, and I just blurted it out, and it kind of went from there. It was stupid of me to let it go this far."

"It's not stupid of you to be proud of your work," she objects. "I'm a little embarrassed that I said it so many times in front of you, but I really am a fan of Jane Dutch. Your books are honest, Shane. They make people think." There are tears glimmering in her eyes. "Look at me, Shane."

He tries to fight away his own tears, his instinct to look away.

"I'm so proud of you. I always am. I don't want you to ever think that I'm not. You don't have to apologize for who you are." She wraps her arms around him, the weight of her pressing into him in a way that's made him feel calmer since he was a kid. "Please forgive me."

"I forgive you," he says, feeling about as small as he did when he first lost a hockey game and she had to carry him home.

The dining table is set for four when they come back inside, David's signature chicken parmesan and spaghetti on the table.

The first question David asks as they tuck in is, "What have you been doing with the royalties?"

It's a little startling, after crying with his mom, but thankfully he does have an answer. "Jane Dutch is incorporated. Farah gets paid as my literary agent out of it. I donate out of it too; it's how I donated to the Stars a few years ago. I pay corporate taxes on it, but it's a small business with a single owner, technically, so the rate isn't as high." The royalties from the books aren't the best that he could possibly get, but it's not like he's living on it. Plus, he got a great deal on the rights to Face-Off. 

Both of his parents nod. "Do you have the trademark? You could do licensed merchandise or collaborations," Yuna suggests.

"We have it, but I'm not planning on too much. Kind of hard to negotiate if the brand doesn't really have an identity." 

"You could give the brand an identity."

"I don't need another merch line, Mom."

She scrutinizes him a little bit, but lets the subject drop. "Are you two planning on coming out at some point? A lot of brands have made pivots to inclusivity lately. You could make it very tasteful."

Before Shane can say a word, Ilya jumps in. "Is not so simple with Russia. And Americans too." His face grows somber. "Best case, I could not go back to Russia at all. Apply for asylum, and hope they take me. After Sochi, I am not so respected there anyway."

"It would be a huge risk, regardless," David supplies.

"And the league," Shane hesitates for a second. "We can't guarantee that it would go well. Hunter's much closer to retirement than we are. His partner is...safe." White. College educated. "He was a safe bet for the league before he came out. We're a month out from the Stanley Cup, and they haven't stopped talking about it."

"It would be easier if we were not on different teams," Ilya says. "If we were not rivals."

"If you came out now, it would throw every game you ever played against each other into question." Yuna narrows her eyes. "You never threw a game, did you?"

"What?! No! Never!" Shane sputters. "Would you let dad win at cards?"

"I'd rather die."

"Yeah, same."

"Cheating would make the game boring. We play better against each other, not worse," Ilya says. "Svetlana did analytics before we played together at All-Stars," he explains to Shane.

"So, what. Shane can't go to Boston. It doesn't fix the immigration situation, for one. Montreal definitely doesn't have the cap space for both of you. Frankly, no one does if they're paying you what you're worth. You can't keep this hidden until retirement."

"We talked about Ottawa, maybe," Ilya says. "I hit free agency next year."

"The Centaurs?" David asks as Yuna says, "You would leave Boston?"

"Mom!"

"Loyalty is important!"

"So is his safety!"

"Shane." Ilya sets his fork down and puts his hand over Shane's. "Boston drafted me, yes. But I love your son, and I want to be with him, and coming to Canadian team is best way for me to be here."

Shane has to kiss him for that. So he does.

"When my contract is up, we'll talk to management and see what coming out does, if we stay with our teams or play together."

"And in the meantime, Ilya's here long enough to get his PR Card and start a citizenship application," David says. "So no matter where you end up, coming out is safer."

Yuna lets out a long breath. "It's certainly a plan. If you don't plan to come out until 2020," when Shane hits free agency, "you'll need a plan B if anything unexpected happens."

"We already have the start of a public friendship narrative," Shane says. "We were thinking of starting a charity and running hockey camps as a way of fundraising. If one of us gets injured, we could pivot to that and adjust our plans for coming out."

"Oh," David says. "I thought you were going to say you would get married."

Shane chokes on his water. "Married?"

"You've been involved in some way for seven years! It's another route to citizenship as well--if they don't take you on extraordinary ability, or asylum for sexuality-based persecution, spousal sponsorship is the fastest route after that."

"He's not wrong," Yuna says thoughtfully. "It worked for us."

Being married to Ilya. What a thought.

They would live together. Have shared assets. Now that he's started, Shane can't possibly stop thinking about it.

"What do you think, любовь моя. [my love] Do you want to get married?" Ilya asks with a smile on his face. It's not the sharp-edged snarl or the mischievous grin Shane sees on the ice.

It's a soft, sincere little thing, reserved just for Shane.

Chapter End Notes

I hope you liked it! Feel free to tell me what you think.

Quick Notes:

- Happy Pride, my lovelies!
- It's gotten longer again :) Not too much though. I won't be covering all of The Long Game in pure narrative format. Probably. We'll see how it goes.
- You might have noticed that I changed the translation tooltips slightly—they are now underlined in red for better contrast in Reversi and other non-default site skins.
- I did change the hospital scene, but you can rest assured that Ilya was already invited to the cottage by that point.
- Shoutout to those of you who called the throuple rumors. :)
- Yuna and David are trying so hard, and adjusting very quickly. Everyone is a little manic.
- This chapter ended up with a lot more conversation than I first anticipated. And a lot of logistical details.
- Shane didn't actually tell his parents that he's gay! In their minds, he's their son, and that matters more than the label he chooses. They've also seen him hanging out with a bunch of hockey-playing lesbians fairly often.
- The corporation thing is real; Shane files his taxes for it separately because he's paranoid someone is going to try to track down Jane Dutch via personal finances. I did consider having him evade his taxes, but I think he would be more inclined to fly under the radar by filing appropriately.
- So is spousal sponsorship for immigration! I did a lot of research on how Canadian immigration works when I was writing In All But Name; that information is just rattling around in my brain now.

Chapter 10: Melting Hearts II

Chapter Notes

2017-2018

Getting married isn't as simple as saying "I do," as it turns out.

The rings are the easy part. Bands of black and gold, simple and meaningful without being tacky.

The license is harder than that. 

They could try and go to the U.S., somewhere that they have confidential licenses, but that doesn't keep anyone who sees them there from running their mouth. There aren't enough NDAs in the world for that.

Besides, if they want to get married, it's far better to do it in Canada. Easier to keep track of the records and know if anyone is trying to find them.

So Shane and Ilya remain fiancés for the moment.

It doesn't stop Shane from sneaking glances at Ilya as he speaks at the press conference, their shoes pressed together beneath the table.

His ring sits on his right hand, while Ilya's hangs from his chain, tucked into his shirt.

Barely noticeable, except to them.

Shane spent most of his limited screen time in concussion recovery on answering texts from Ilya. A bit of it went to answering emails from Farah about his new release. The rest was spent on watching the Metros' playoff run without him.

They went out in the first round. 

Not a sweep, thankfully, but he's used to seeing better from them.

Much better. They don't look like the team that was seeded first in the Atlantic Division, not even facing the wild card Philadelphia Ringers.

He's glaringly absent. Every time he sees the bench on tape, Theriault is yelling. For the first game, they swap in Couillard as center on the first line and all Shane can see is Hayden and Andy passing like they would to him and Couillard barely catching them. Sometimes missing them by a fraction of a second.

The second game, Gagnon starts a scrum that ends up with the penalty box full and Philly scoring on the power play.

They win the third in OT, with a miracle of a goal that Hayden just scrapes in.

The less he says about the fourth and fifth games, the better.

When did it become like this? He wonders.

His focus has been on winning. It's both flattering and anxiety-inducing to see exactly how his team has been built with him as a central, load-bearing pillar.

Usually, he's on the ice for all 82 games. Usually, injuries don't take him out for more than one or two games.

So it's not a surprise when training camp starts and half of their time is spent on testing combinations with and without Shane. It's what he expected. He has a list of his own notes that he was planning to bring up to Theriault.

It just feels a little different, that's all. 

He throws himself into it with the same effort that he always does. He's always the first one in the room and the last one out.

He puts on eight pounds of muscle and follows his training plan to a T.

It's the last season he has before everything really changes. 

He has to make it a good one.

He assesses the rookies they've brought in for training camp, draft prospects and farm team call-ups alike.

Only a few of them are going to make it. He starts with all of them evenly, seeing who has the hunger in them, who will do the work to keep up at breakneck pace.

He takes time to talk to everyone one-on-one and figure out where their heads are at. A big motivational speech has never been his style anyway.

Most of all, he hones himself back into shape while the start of a narrative takes shape in his mind.

June 2018

Ilya paces in the Raiders locker room for what is probably going to be the last game of his career in Boston.

Game 6 of the Stanley Cup Finals. 

They went through an exhausting, drawn-out fight against Montreal in the Eastern Conference Finals. The Raiders pulled ahead with Game 7.

Shane is disappointed, of course.

But he is watching, nonetheless.

"Some of us have been here before," he says to the room, looking each of his teammates in the eye. "Some of you are new. But we are here again. I am going to remind you of what needs to happen tonight."

"One game, and it is all ours. I do not give a shit about every game before this. We have one game to prove that we are the best. The goals we score before do not matter. Nothing else matters other than what you do on the ice tonight." He can see the fire in their eyes.

"We will not be losing the Stanley Cup to fucking Las Vegas. They are trying to be underdog, yes? New team, new everything. No. We are Boston. We are the Raiders. We are going to send the fucking Cavaliers back to their stupid desert. Who plays hockey in the fucking desert, huh?" There are a few laughs, but the rumble of noise is getting louder.

"We do this for our fans. We do it to say fuck you to everyone who thought we could not do it again. And," he takes a deep breath. "We do this for ourselves. Our team. Our barn. This is our Cup to win."

This is the last time he will be part of that 'we' on the ice.

He skates out to the sound of the roaring crowd in TD Garden.

He breathes in the chill of the air, the thousands of times his skates have carved up this ice.

Eight years.

Eight years of his life will always belong to this city, to this team.

Eight years spent in what feels like an instant.

He blinks, and warm-ups are done, and he's lining up for the first face-off.

The Vegas forward looks at Ilya like he's waiting for him to say something.

He doesn't need to.

A swipe of his stick, and the puck is out to Connors, racing up through the neutral zone.

The puck lands back on his tape just before he crosses the blue line.

He lets Marly take care of the guy tailing him.

Around the net to Carmichael.

Backhand. Deke. Forehand.

The game passes in the blink of an eye.

3-2. The Raiders have taken home the Stanley Cup once again.

Ilya holds it above his head, elated and yet still weighed down in this moment.

It's not that he thinks it's impossible in Ottawa. But this may well be the last time he holds the Cup as the winning captain.

For a while, at least.

Saying "I love you," to all of his teammates as they come off the ice usually comes as easily as breathing. 

He has to swallow down the feeling in his throat as he says it, letting the grief wait. He's gotten very good at that, over the years.

There's no better time than now.

"Boys!" He calls their attention again, amid the spraying of champagne and the blasting music.

"Yeah, Roz?" Marly shouts back.

"I have something I need to tell you all." They quiet down at the serious tone of his voice. "This season was a great one, yes? I could not have asked for better team."

"You won't find better!" Vic shouts, and the Raiders start hooting.

"But it will be my last with you all," Ilya says, and the room goes silent and somber.

"You're retiring?" Connors asks.

"No." Ilya pauses for a second. "But I am going to Canada to be with my Jane. She told me to have fun, yes? We are going out tonight."

Marly's face runs the gamut of expression before settling on a slightly sad grin. "Your last night as a free man, huh Roz? Never thought I'd see the day. We are getting fucked up tonight, boys!"

July 2018

STATEMENT FROM ILYA ROZANOV, CAPTAIN OF THE BOSTON RAIDERS:

Hello all,

As of July 1, 2018, I have entered free agency. What you may not know is that I have been considering this impending date for longer than you might imagine. 

My life has changed significantly over the course of the last year. My father passed away during this period, and his passing led me to think about my priorities both as a man and a hockey player.

I am not the same man that I was when I first came to North America—I have my family here and I cannot let distance keep me away from them. As such, for this upcoming season, I will be signing with the Ottawa Centaurs.

To Boston: you have been my home for the last eight years. I will forever be grateful for the brotherhood and truly phenomenal hockey I have had the chance to experience here among the Raiders. I will miss you dearly, though I hope you can understand why I have to go. Call the Cup my parting gift, okay?

To Ottawa: I see the potential for great things, and I am excited for the start of a new journey with you.

I wish you all the best for the future.

Ilya Rozanov

Chapter End Notes

I hope you liked it! Feel free to tell me what you think.

Quick Notes:

- This chapter seriously fought me. I had to rewrite and rework the timeline on four separate occasions. Also, so much mixed media after there was barely any in chapter 9.
- On the plus side for y'all, the chapter count has gone up.
- Don’t worry, they will be getting married :) just not at this particular moment in time.
- I did move the Irina Foundation announcement up. However, there are a couple of things to note: Ilya and Shane have been friendly in public for a little while and have been thinking about the logistics of it for longer than that. Also, Yuna Hollander is a force of nature. They have a while before they actually will be hosting hockey camp, as well.
- The date is a detail that is not random; the press conference was held on August 1, 2017 (8/1/2017), the 14th anniversary of Irina's passing in my HR fics. Ilya, when he went into juniors at 15, wanted 18 for his number, since Russia uses DMY, but it was taken, so he ended up using 81 instead.
- Poutine Fest is a real thing. I went a few years ago in Montreal.
- I had to show the Metros being about as stupid as the Raiders.
- Yes, the tumblr usernames are intentional ;) Shoutout to brainrockets for the idea for urfavisjanedutch.
- The Jane Dutch signatures are hand drawn by yours truly! I played around with a couple of variations on the stick and puck design, but I liked this one the best of the ones that I came up with.
- I am altering history here by making Ilya win the Cup in 2018 with the Raiders. It works a little bit better for my purposes :) I really wanted him to have a proper goodbye to Boston.
- A few texts that Shane deleted:
1. You finally caught up to me. :)
2. Make sure your dick still works in the morning please.
3. I think this is the only time in history that you could have gotten my mom to root for Boston to win the Cup.

Shane Hollander's Jane Dutch's style guide:

- No slang terms for body parts. Anatomical terms preferred, but the exceptions list is as follows: dick, cock, balls, pussy, clit, tits (gender neutral), ass, and hole. Shaft and slit are allowed, but only as anatomical features and not synecdoche.
- There will be no beaver, no fanny, no kitty, no turgid member, no wang, no schlong, no velvet-wrapped steel, no his/her sex, none of it.
- Dick sizes are based on IRL experiences (read: himself and Ilya). People read it as expected for the genre. Sometimes gets complaints about being unnecessarily thorough about prep and foreplay.
- Dialogue tends to come from what he does with Ilya, but he pulls mechanical descriptions from research.
- He is extremely determined not to be weird about sex acts that he cannot experience, and is thus very thorough in his research about it. He asks a lot of questions.
- Not the best at food description.

The Metros' WAGs life updates

Jacqueline "Jackie" Pike neé Bergeron - Hayden Pike's wife, who has four kids now. Has lots of advice about recovery post-birth. Present since 2010.
Nicole Miitka - Sorren Miitka's wife and a staunch goalie advocate, who was raised in a house with 3 sisters around her. A true ride-or-die. Present since 2012.
Nataly Drapeau - Patrice Drapeau's wife and a fellow goalie advocate. She did name her baby after Jane Dutch, to some extent. Present since 2013.
Valerie Comeau - Gilbert Comeau's wife. Has a toddler in the terrific threes. Loved seeing Face-Off in theatres. Also has lots of advice about recovery post-birth. Present since 2014.
Carine Toussaint - J.J. Boiziau's fiancée. A Haitian baddie. Studied data science at McGill. Looking at her Jane Dutch novels with a closer eye. Present since 2015.

Solution on page B7

Chapter 11: Bend, Don't Break

Chapter Notes

The style guide and WAG updates are here in the beginning notes because I was running out of space at the end and also not much has changed since last chapter since it’s consecutive.

Shane Hollander's Jane Dutch's style guide:

- No slang terms for body parts. Anatomical terms preferred, but the exceptions list is as follows: dick, cock, balls, pussy, clit, tits (gender neutral), ass, and hole. Shaft and slit are allowed, but only as anatomical features and not synecdoche.
- There will be no beaver, no fanny, no kitty, no turgid member, no wang, no schlong, no velvet-wrapped steel, no his/her sex, none of it.
- Dick sizes are based on IRL experiences (read: himself and Ilya). People read it as expected for the genre. Sometimes gets complaints about being unnecessarily thorough about prep and foreplay.
- Dialogue tends to come from what he does with Ilya, but he pulls mechanical descriptions from research.
- He is extremely determined not to be weird about sex acts that he cannot experience, and is thus very thorough in his research about it. He asks a lot of questions.
- Not the best at food description.
- Getting kinkier with it as time goes on :)

The Metros' WAGs life updates

Jacqueline "Jackie" Pike neé Bergeron - Hayden Pike's wife, who has four kids now. Has lots of advice about recovery post-birth. Present since 2010.
Nicole Miitka - Sorren Miitka's wife and a staunch goalie advocate, who was raised in a house with 3 sisters around her. A true ride-or-die. Present since 2012.
Nataly Drapeau - Patrice Drapeau's wife and a fellow goalie advocate. She did name her baby after Jane Dutch, to some extent. Present since 2013.
Valerie Comeau - Gilbert Comeau's wife. Has a toddler in the terrific threes. Loved seeing Face-Off in theatres. Also has lots of advice about recovery post-birth. Present since 2014.
Carine Toussaint - J.J. Boiziau's fiancée. A Haitian baddie. Studied data science at McGill. Looking at her Jane Dutch novels with a closer eye. Present since 2015.

July 2018

MLH Trade Tracker @MLHtrades

Ilya Rozanov (C) signs for 8 years, 13.8 million AAV, with Ottawa Centaurs.

Boston Raiders @bostonraiders ☑️

Wishing you the best, Captain!

[Image: Statement from Ilya Rozanov - July 1, 2018]

[Video: A compilation of Ilya Rozanov over the years as a Boston Raider: scoring goals, getting into fights, lifting the Cup, and being mobbed by his teammates.]

Ilya Rozanov @rozanov81 ☑️

Thank you for everything. 🖤💛

 

jake @bostonboi

WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING

 

Milly <3 @ilyaaaaas

who tf wrote this for him this is not the chaotic captain i know and love

 

selena @rozanovae

I-

 

selena @rozanovae

it doesn't seem to be a locker room issue. the raiders are wishing him well. doesn't seem like drugs.

 

Dave @davenpuck

career suicide, man. what the fuck are you doing? leaving your CUP-WINNING TEAM for OTTAWA? FUCKING OTTAWA?!

 

Dave @davenpuck

is he on DRUGS??!?!?

 

read Pride of the Nation @lezgofleet

ok but he said family. does that mean what i think it means???

 

Darren @roztheman

is he really leaving the raiders for pussy

 

Darren @roztheman

no self-respect. disappointing. 

 

brit @rozzyzgirlzz

@lezgofleet ur onto smth

 

brit @rozzyzgirlzz

it's an open secret that he's dating jane dutch. but he specified family. not girlfriend or wife or partner. family.

 

brit @rozzyzgirlzz

did he get the queen of hockey romance pregnant??? ilya rozanov shotgun wedding???

 

read Pride of the Nation @lezgofleet

it has to be smth big like that bc why else would he leave like this

 

bells @puckederup

i’m surprised it didn’t happen earlier lol

Hockey Analyst @hockeyanalyst

Rozanov signing with the Centaurs is one of the most unprecedented moves in the history of the sport.

Hockey Analyst @hockeyanalyst

The first reason being that he just won the Cup this past year with the Raiders. Boston's front office likely had an offer ready for him.

 

Hockey Analyst @hockeyanalyst

We could argue that the move was for the money; a $110 million contract is nothing to scoff at.

 

Hockey Analyst @hockeyanalyst

However, it's not a record-breaking number. It's also a number that Boston could afford with the cap increase to $79.5 million.

 

Hockey Analyst @hockeyanalyst

According to most accounts, Rozanov has a strong relationship with the Raiders organization.

 

Hockey Analyst @hockeyanalyst

They attribute much of their success this past year to a culture of camaraderie, fostered in the locker room under Rozanov's captaincy.

 

Hockey Analyst @hockeyanalyst

Thus, it's unlikely that this move came from a split within the organization. Other reasons remain in contention.

 

Hockey Analyst @hockeyanalyst

Though Rozanov has a history of partying, he does not have a history of drug-related infractions on record.

 

Hockey Analyst @hockeyanalyst

In 2014, he was noted for stating that he opposed the use of PEDs, as it "is not good competition to cheat like that. Unfair to everyone."

 

Hockey Analyst @hockeyanalyst

His heightened performance after the 2014 Olympics was heavily scrutinized, but all testing came back clean.

 

Hockey Analyst @hockeyanalyst

For these reasons, it's unlikely that his move to Ottawa was prompted by a drug-related infraction.

 

Hockey Analyst @hockeyanalyst

Rozanov has not recently been involved in off-ice altercations leading to arrest or involvement with law enforcement.

 

Hockey Analyst @hockeyanalyst

As such, I can only take him at his word that this move is related to his family.

 

Hockey Analyst @hockeyanalyst

Over the years, his family has remained out of the spotlight; they have not been associated with the Raiders organization.

 

Hockey Analyst @hockeyanalyst

It remains to be seen whether they will be in the public eye following Rozanov's move to Ottawa.

 

Hockey Analyst @hockeyanalyst

Speaking of Ottawa, we come to the second reason that Rozanov's move is so unprecedented; the Centaurs' record.

 

Hockey Analyst @hockeyanalyst

Under Guy Boucher, the Centaurs plummeted from 4th in the Atlantic Division in 2017 to 8th in 2018.

 

Hockey Analyst @hockeyanalyst

They have reliably been in the lower half of the division, as well as the league.

 

Hockey Analyst @hockeyanalyst

This has been attributed to several factors: inconsistent coaching, the lack of a long-term captaincy, lack of depth at center, (cont.)

 

Hockey Analyst @hockeyanalyst

(cont.) mediocre goaltending, and injuries to their top players which derail momentum for the season.

 

Hockey Analyst @hockeyanalyst

Rozanov joining the Centaurs immediately helps to rectify their lack of depth at center, and potentially their leadership structure.

 

Hockey Analyst @hockeyanalyst

However, the other issues remain pressing. Rozanov helped lead Boston to some of the best performances they have had in years,

 

Hockey Analyst @hockeyanalyst

but he was entering a system which was much more stable, and structured to center him as the primary, but not singular threat on the playing field.

 

Hockey Analyst @hockeyanalyst

We will see if he is able to do it again in Ottawa.

The wedding is very quick, all things considered. David contacts a friend of a friend who works as a municipal clerk, and Yuna writes up an ironclad NDA.

They drive to City Hall in separate cars to allay suspicion, meeting the officiant outside of the Council chamber.

The officiant asks them to present their marriage license, which Shane got last week. And photo ID.

"We are gathered here today to witness the marriage vows of these two men before me." The officiant starts speaking, but it rings a little bit hollow in the room, since the only people there other than Shane and Ilya are Shane's parents. He coughs before continuing to speak. "I'll skip to the good part."

"Do you, Shane Hollander, take Ilya Rozanov to be your husband, your companion, your friend, and your confidant, to respect and support in bad times and good?"

"I do." Shane grips Ilya's hands tightly, staring into his eyes.

"Do you, Ilya Rozanov, take Shane Hollander to be your husband, your companion, your friend, and your confidant, to respect and support in bad times and good?"

"I do," Ilya says, the smile on his face stretching from ear to ear.

The officiant consults a piece of paper in front of him. "You've noted that you'll be sharing vows at your personal ceremony, so we'll move on to the exchange of rings." 

David takes the ring boxes out of his pocket and hands the first to Ilya. The cool metal slides onto Shane's finger with a comforting weight--he's gotten so used to wearing it that taking it off, even just for the morning felt foreign. Shane holds Ilya's hand in his and places the ring that normally hangs on his necklace onto his finger.

"By the authority vested in me by the Government of Ontario, I now pronounce you husband and husband. You may kiss--" By the time the word leaves his mouth, they're already kissing.

(They're still kissing as Yuna places the NDA on top of the officiant's stack of paperwork. David smiles mildly at the burgeoning trepidation in his eyes.)

After they come apart, they sign the license together, and David and Yuna come to sign as witnesses.

Ilya leaves the room first, knowing that he has to drive his car back to the Hollanders' house.

Shane leaves with his parents about 15 minutes later.

That's all there is to it. For the legal ceremony, at least.

Anything bigger will have to wait.

It's enough that they're married.

Bend, Don't Break by Jane Dutch

"Yvette's focused gaze trails down the scars on Paul's knee, inscrutable behind her glasses. It feels like the first time in weeks that someone has looked at him without pity in their eyes."

In Jane Dutch's latest release, goalie Paul Crawford ends his season with an MCL tear. His only hope for returning to play by next season is surgery and rigorous physical therapy. Luckily for him, no-nonsense physiotherapist Yvette Savard has a reputation for getting players back up and playing better than before. 

"Dutch's characteristic attention to detail is on full display in her newest novel, delving deep into both the mental and physical pressure on these athletes, from relationships with pain to experiential description of the euphoria of sport."

lilybestbackhand (6 reviews, 4,695 followers) left a review on Bend, Don't Break by Jane Dutch

October 16, 2018

⭐⭐⭐⭐

You like older men now, Jane? The dinosaur and now this?

Yvette is very smart. The glasses are hot. ;)

Let her be more mean next time, okay?

Chapter End Notes

I hope you liked it! Feel free to tell me what you think.

Quick Notes:

- Chapter count is up again, because this chapter got out of hand even though I fully cut two sections of it. We are a Jane Dutch novel blurb behind where we are supposed to be in the outline. Help me.
- You can reference the end of chapter 10 for Ilya’s statement—I ran out of space for it.
- Guy Boucher was the actual coach for the Ottawa Senators; the stats I used for Ottawa are not accurate to life. I am adjusting them to paint a picture of what the situation looks like, rather than just calling them the worst in the league.
- They got married! It's just the legal ceremony. They might have another ceremony later :)))
- Ontario doesn't have confidential licenses, but they're doing just about as much as they can to obfuscate the fact that they are getting married. People can technically request copies of marriage licenses, but AFAIK you need the names of both individuals on a marriage license to be able to get it. If that's not true IRL, it's true in fic universe now. Thus, unless someone is actually requesting the Government of Ontario for a copy fo the marriage license between Ilya Rozanov and Shane Hollander, they aren't going to find anything.
- The MLH, as the NHL does IRL, does not require the name of a player's spouse to be disclosed. They can change their marital status on HR paperwork and not have to tell anyone about it. They have to disclose personal relationships to other people who work within the league and on other teams, but they can just list it as a personal relationship and not get into the details.
- I did make some changes wrt the leadership structure—Ottawa now has rotating alternates prior to Ilya signing. See the Bood rant for more of my thoughts on it.
- Shane is having some feelings about how the Ottawa plan has consequences outside of him and Ilya. What are those feelings? I don’t know. Maybe we’ll find out ;)
- Gritty was unveiled on September 24, 2018. Luca is pondering the implications, such as whether Jane Dutch is a sewer creature like Gritty canonically is.
- Did I mean for the Shrek bit to get that out of hand? No. Was it the perfect segue? Yes.

My Bood rant, condensed for time

- Zane Boodram. Trini King. My beloved. Drafted 3rd Overall in 2014 in my canon. He's an excellent leader--gregarious and encouraging, a very talented player who can read the ice well, and a hard worker. Good enough to be Ottawa's pick for All-Stars in 2017. However, he has a couple of things working against him: racism primarily, and also the fact that he's relatively young. If we note the fact that he's around Troy's age from what he said about playing with Dallas Kent in juniors, that makes him 3-4 years younger than Shane and Ilya. Drafted at 19 in 2014. He's 23.
- He's very good, but not quite the kind of generational talent that Shane and Ilya are. Young captains have become more of a trend in recent years, with Crosby and Ovechkin leading the way on that wave, but it's generally accepted that captains are pulled from the veterans. Thus, the coaching staff and management have kept saying that he needs more experience before he gets the C (this is a pattern starting in 2017, after Karlsson's trade.)
- Eric Karlsson is a real guy who was the captain of the Senators--I have altered history to where he was traded earlier than 2018.
- Instead of making Bood the captain, where he would have a little more say in how the room is run and have a lot more leverage in terms of contract negotiation and sponsorships, he rotates as the alternate with Nick Chouinard.
- Now I like Nick as well, but he has the position more based on experience than anything else. He knows the rules well because he's played for a long time. They wanted to make him captain, but he said no--between acting as a liaison between coaching/management and the players, dealing with media, and having to maintain the morale of the team, it's a lot to manage. He wanted to be available and present with his family, because his kids are babies at this time. Being an alternate means that he can contribute to the leadership structure without taking the full brunt of it all the time.
- TL;DR Bood should have been captain before Ilya came. He was functionally performing the role, between coordinating with coaches and management, dealing with disputes on the ice, organizing the team social events, splitting media with Nick, and being a strong voice in the room.

Chapter 12: Interlude: My Dinner with Hayden and J.J.

Chapter Notes

December 2018

MLH Trade Tracker @MLHtrades

#31 Wyatt Hayes (G) traded from the Toronto Guardians to the Ottawa Centaurs in exchange for 2019 2nd Round draft pick.

Ottawa Centaurs @ottawacentaurs ☑️

Help us give a warm welcome to our newest goalie, Wyatt Hayes!

[Video: Wyatt Hayes Answers Rapid-Fire Questions - Ottawa Centaurs]

Wyatt Hayes Answers Rapid-Fire Questions - Ottawa Centaurs

[Video opens on the Ottawa Centaurs locker room in the Censplex as the team prepares for practice.]

HARRIS DROVER (OFF-CAMERA): Hey Centaurs! Let's give a warm welcome to our newest player!

OTTAWA CENTAURS: (collective cheering)

[Wyatt Hayes walks into the locker room, and the camera follows him to his locker as he starts to get ready for practice.]

HD (O-C): Can you introduce yourself, for all of our fans out there?

WYATT HAYES: Hey guys! I'm Wyatt Hayes, number 31. I play goalie.

HD (O-C): Before we get out on the ice, I just want to give you a little rundown of how this is going to go.

WH: Hit me.

HD (O-C): We're going to run a modified shootout drill. The other Cens will all take a turn trying to score on you with one of the pucks. Each one has a different question on it. If they score on you, you answer the question. When someone scores, they come out of the drill. We don't stop until you've answered all of the questions. Sound good?

WH: Sounds good.

[The camera wipes, now showing the rink, as the rest of the Centaurs are warming up on the ice. Hayes is posted up in goal, warming up and greeting the goalposts.]

WH: I'm ready when you are!

[The video speeds up for a short period, showing the Centaurs taking different shots with the puck. Ilya Rozanov is the first to get one past Hayes.]

WH: Damn! That backhand is no joke, man. Wait. (Louder) Harris! Should he read it, or should I read it?

HD (O-C): He'll read it!

WH: Alright! Get over here, Roz!

[Rozanov skates up, showering Hayes in ice as he comes to a quick stop.]

ILYA ROZANOV: Let me see...what is your favorite pre-game ritual?

WH: Hmm...I usually read a comic or two just to get in the zone. Lately it's been a lot of X-Squad. And I have to say hi to the posts, of course. Nothing too crazy though.

IR: You do not sing them a little song? Oreo used to do this.

WH: I guess I could, but I don't want them getting confused, you know? They have to know me for me.

[Rozanov solemnly nods before skating off. The video speeds up again until another player scores on Hayes--this time, it's Zane Boodram.]

ZANE BOODRAM: What does your day-off routine look like?

WH: Well, in Toronto, I liked volunteering at the community centre. But my wife Lisa is a pediatrician, so I might make some visits to the hospital once I settle into more of a routine here.

ZB: Good on you, man.

[Boodram claps Hayes on the shoulder before skating off as the video speeds up once again. The next player to score is Cory Young.]

CORY YOUNG: Why did you choose your jersey number?

WH: Well, 1 and 30 are both pretty standard goalie numbers, so I thought, why not combine them? Plus, last year, my nephew was born on March 31st, so it's got even more meaning now.

CY: That's pretty sweet, man.

[Hayes taps his number as Young skates away and the video moves back into timelapse. The next player to score is Connor Holmberg.]

CONNOR HOLMBERG: If you could pick any other position to play, what would it be and why?

WH: That's a hard one! I've been in goal so long that it's hard to imagine something else...I guess if I had to pick I'd go defenseman. My good friend Ryan, back in Toronto, is one hell of a defenseman. I think I'd like to see how it is for him.

[The video speeds up once more, slowing down as Robert Boyle sneaks one past Hayes.]

ROBERT BOYLE: If you woke up tomorrow with a superpower, what would you want it to be?

WH: Instant teleportation with no cooldown period and no distance limit.

RB: Wow. You had that one locked and loaded.

WH: I've thought about it a lot. You get a lot of the cool things the speedsters do, but it's less physically taxing. I could go home and see my wife whenever I want to. Make road trips a little less long, you know? I'd never have to deal with traffic ever again. You could simulate flying too, because if it's instantaneous, you could just teleport to different spots in the air fast enough to stop yourself from falling. Obviously, it doesn't exist, so the question of whether velocity is preserved is an unknown, but--

[The video speeds up, centered on Hayes talking. A small timer ticks by in the corner, going to a full 10 minutes before it slows down again.]

WH: ...that's why I'd pick instant teleportation.

RB: ...Holy shit, dude.

WH: What?

RB: Nothing, man.

[The video goes into timelapse, slowing down as Evan Dykstra scores.]

EVAN DYKSTRA: What's your favorite music genre?

WH: Ooh, I'm usually a film score kinda guy. Great for focus, but it really gets you pumped up, you know? Test Drive by John Powell is great. 

ED: I'll keep it in mind. Send me your favorites for the locker room playlist, alright?

WH: Will do.

[The video speeds up once more, slowing down as Nick Chouinard scores on Hayes.]

NICK CHOUINARD: Do you have a nickname, and if so, what is it?

WH: Hazy's usually what I get, because Hayes is pretty short already.

NC: Makes sense, Hazy.

WH: Eyy!

[The video speeds up again, slowing down once Jacob LaPointe scores on Hayes.]

JACOB LAPOINTE: I think this is the last one. 

WH: Hit me.

JL: Do you have a funny scar story?

WH: Well, I wouldn't call it that funny, but I tore my MCL back in 2013, and when I went to the hospital, the resident who took care of me was Lisa, my now wife. I was so high on pain meds that I started talking to the walls about the 'pretty doctor'. I ended up coming back about a week later to thank her. And (pause) maybe ask her out on a date. She said no at first, because she doesn't date her patients, but we ended up becoming friends anyway. Once I had fully healed and I wasn't her patient anymore, I asked her out again, and well-- (shrugs) --we've been married since 2015. So the scar isn't that funny, but the story is fun, I think.

JL: Damn, dude.

WH: I'm a lucky man.

HD (O-C): Thanks for playing along, Hazy!

WH: Anytime!

Caption: A great first day for Hazy! 

@ottawaf4n
it’s only taken us a decade to finally get a half decent goalie

↳ @cens4lyfe
between him and rozy we might have a shot this year

@guardiansgrl
anders is better anyway

@msmarvelstan
show us the full superpower rant! he's got good points!

@gracenbooty
did that last story sound familiar to anyone?

↳ @janejanejane
it's literally bend, don't break
it's a little different but that's just like paul and yvette
underestimated goalie with an mcl injury falling in love with the healthcare professional who helped him get back on his feet
ms dutch has struck again

↳ @bradjohnson
you people are insane
not everything is about jane dutch

↳ @janejanejane
how do you explain the melting hearts connection to scott hunter then?
or face-off with hollander?
either she's someone with a lot of access to the league or a psychic
because it can't be a coincidence at this point

The difficulty with hiding secrets in plain sight is that they tend to be found when people start to look more closely.

Shane doesn't think he's been acting any differently.

Apparently, Hayden and J.J. think otherwise, because after their game in San Francisco, they're both standing outside of his hotel room door.

He lets them in and closes the door as Hayden unceremoniously says, "We think your girlfriend is cheating on you with Rozanov."

"What?!" 

"Sorry, your fiancée," Hayden corrects himself.

"We agreed we would not start with that," J.J. says, a little miffed. "What if he did not know?"

"Everyone knows," Hayden retorts.

"Capitaine is not one for gossip."

"Not when it comes to Rozanov!"

"Where the fuck did you even get that idea?" Shane interrupts.

"Look, man--" Hayden breaks off for a second. "I know you didn't want to tell me about the ring. But I know you've been seeing this Lily girl for a while, and that Jane Dutch is her pen name. We're just trying to make sure you're not getting strung along, alright?"

"We can always ask Bood to grill Rozanov," J.J. suggests. "He would do it."

"You really don't need to do that," Shane tries.

"Better yet, we could take a little drive to Ottawa for a little interrogation when we get back," Hayden says, an edge of something in his voice. "It's only two hours. We could figure out the whole situation. Is this why Rozanov moved to Ottawa? So he could move in on your girl?"

“That’s not—he’s not—we’re friends!” Shane splutters. He doesn’t do a great job of making it convincing even to his own ears.

“The charity is great and all that, Capitaine, but it does not mean he cannot act a fool when you are not looking.”

“He’s not stealing my girl! There’s no girlfriend!”

“Then who’s the ring for?” Hayden challenges.

Fuck.

They're going to keep asking.

“You do not have to hide from us, Shane,” J.J. says earnestly.

Shane's jaw hangs open as he tries to think of something to say.

Anything.

"My husband," is what ends up coming out of his mouth.

"HUS--" J.J. slaps a hand over Hayden's mouth before he says, "Husband?!" in a whispered shout.

"Yeah," Shane says faintly. He sits down on the bed and starts to shake. “My husband.”

It slipped out, and he can’t take it back.

“You’re gay now?” Hayden asks, a little incredulous.

“When did you get married? Why were we not invited?” J.J.’s voice has picked up a sad note.

“When did you get married, Shane?” Hayden asks suspiciously. “I only started seeing the ring this fall.”

The onslaught of questions floods through his mind. Shane feels the floor rocking beneath him, or maybe that’s just him, rocking back and forth, the anxiety too much to be contained.

He blinks, and Hayden and J.J. have their arms wrapped around him, pressing tight. Squeezing him back into his body.

When his vision isn't a blur and his breathing has gone back to normal, they draw back.

"Sorry, Capitaine," J.J. says quietly.

"I'm sorry, Shane," Hayden says. His face scrunches up for a second. "Wait, who's your husband?"

Shane just stares silently at him.

His face drops. "It's Rozanov, isn't it."

"Yeah."

"This is why you said the threesome never happened," J.J. says, realization dawning on him. "It was just you and him."

"Yeah." He never lied about it, is the thing. He always denied the threesome, and no one asked about any other possibilities.

"I should have known," Hayden says, shaking his head. "Let me guess, you got together at All-Stars 2017, right? You've been buddy-buddy with him since then."

"No wonder you did not want us to come up to the room," J.J. says, clearly thinking back to Shane's frantic texts. Mild horror starts to spread over his face. "Please tell me you were not fucking him the whole time we were looking for you." Shane opens his mouth to respond, but J.J. holds a finger up and says, "Non! I do not want to know. Leave me in blissful ignorance."

"Okay," Shane says, relief rolling through his body.

"Does your family know? I can't imagine that you kept it secret from your parents for that long," Hayden says.

"They found out that summer," Shane says. "He came to visit me at the hospital in April, and then my dad found us, uh, coming back up from the lake at the cottage."

"You took him to the cottage? Goddamn it. I can't believe Rozanov got to see it before we did." Hayden suddenly gets a look of horror that matches J.J.'s. "You took him on a fucking sexcation, didn't you. There was no Amazon package."

"Hey, a sex house is better than it being a serial killer hideout," J.J. says to Hayden.

"Serial killer hideout?" Shane exclaims, bewildered.

"Shane, all we know about this place is that it's in the middle of nowhere, there's a lake, and you go there in the summer and spend weeks off the grid. You could be doing anything up there. We were preparing for the worst, okay?"

"To what--get me arrested?"

"Tabarnak, no! We would not do that. It was just in case we had to hide a body."

Shane goggles at his best friends for a long moment. "I don't even know what to say to that."

"Anyway, your mom was probably surprised," J.J. says.

"She was," Shane responds, grateful for the change of subject. "So was my dad. But we talked, and they love him now. They were the witnesses at our wedding and everything."

They both go quiet at the mention of his wedding, looking a little downtrodden.

"We didn't tell anyone else," he blurts out. "It was just us and my parents. And the officiant signed an NDA. We eloped, technically. It wasn't, like, a wedding."

"You could have told us," J.J. says.

Shane has to take a breath at that. "I am telling you."

The silence after he says that sinks like a stone in his gut.

"How many times have you heard someone say cocksucker or faggot in the locker room? How many times have you said it? They already think of me as less of a man than everyone else. Even if--" he breaks off. "Even if I just told you guys, before now, there's no way someone wouldn't find out. One overheard conversation and it's all over."

"We would be careful!" Hayden objects.

"Doesn't mean everyone in your life would be. We had to think about it like that, you know?" He swallows. "If this gets out, they might kick us both out of the league. Even though we've always played hard against each other, even if neither of us would never even consider cheating or betting or any of that, it puts every game we've played while together in question."

"They can't do that."

"They would," J.J. says. "They would. Even for Hollander and Rozanov, they would."

"And, not to mention, Ilya is from Russia. The moment he comes out, he can't ever go home again. He can't see his family, or his parents' graves, or the places he grew up. We had to make sure he was safe before we could even think about it."

The silence feels endless.

"Wait, if you're married, how come he's always talking about 'his Jane'?"

"Jane is me. He's in my phone as Lily. It kept us both safe. The assumptions go a long way."

“So you don’t know Jane Dutch?”

Chapter End Notes

I hope you liked it! Feel free to tell me what you think.

Quick Notes:

- This chapter count just keeps going up, up, up 🫠
- My take on Wyatt is inspired by Vibes Are Not Data by GlitterCity.
- I did lightly alter his backstory--instead of breaking his collarbone when he met Lisa, he instead tore his MCL. You can guess why :)
- If you haven't heard Test Drive before, you can listen to it here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IpPIK4T068s
- Make sure to click on the comments drop down under the video transcript!
- The Centaurs WAGs are here! I'll start doing updates for them when we get to book club :)
- Could you argue that Hayden and J.J.'s reactions are OOC? Probably. But they've also been conditioned by Jane Dutch books and the rumor mill for years. I wanted them to have a tangible impact.
- Re: them hugging Shane when he melts down--they know to do this not because they are aware of autism, but because Shane has gotten overstimulated at parties a couple of times and he is prone to being an escape artist. This both keeps him in place and helps him reset.
- The Jane Dutch secret is hanging by a thread, and Shane is doing his darndest to sew it back up.

Chapter 13: Closing the Gap

Chapter Notes

“So you don’t know Jane Dutch?”

The question reverberates through Shane’s mind, the hair on his arms raising as he tenses.

There are three options. Either he tells them, they figure it out independently, or somehow, some way, they believe a lie that Shane can’t even begin to think of in this moment.

Hayden, oblivious to Shane’s internal panic, keeps talking. “That’s honestly kind of disappointing. I was hoping you could maybe ask if she would be willing to meet Jackie. Privately, obviously. She’s just such a huge fan, and I really need to come up with a good anniversary present this year.”

“Sorry,” Shane says faintly.

J.J. narrows his eyes. “So Rozanov is pretending Jane Dutch is his girlfriend, but he is really talking about you.”

“Yeah.”

He leans forward a little bit. “You did not say that you have not met Jane Dutch.”

Hayden brightens. “So you could maybe ask her about a meet and greet! Or just signing a book or two. That would be good too.”

“I don’t—I can’t really do that—” Shane stammers.

“Why not?” J.J folds his hands in front of his face ominously. “I was thinking about those books again, and I remembered something.”

Shane feels a prickle of unease go up his spine.

“Carine said something to me about Jane Dutch having to be close to the league, not just dating Rozanov, because it is too thorough to be secondhand information.”

Hayden’s eyes have started to go wide.

“You have just said Rozanov is talking about you when he says ‘his Jane’. So, mon ami,” J.J. spreads his hands in anticipation, “Are you Jane Dutch?”

“…Yes.”

Both Hayden and J.J.’s jaws drop.

“Why the hell are you surprised?” Shane says to J.J.. “You called it out.”

“I did not think I was right!” He yelps. “You are really Jane Dutch?”

“Yes! I just told you that.”

“Bestselling hockey romance author Jane Dutch?” Hayden asks faintly, his face crimson.

“Yes.”

With each affirmation, Hayden’s face has gotten redder. J.J. isn’t far behind.

“Why…” Hayden trails off.

“Why did I start writing?”

Hayden nods. 

“I read one of the books Jackie was reading for book club, and it was so bad. Offensively bad. The author called the main character an enforcer when he's a goalie. Completely unrealistic, and badly written.” It's a small thing to have gotten upset about, when he thinks back on it.

As he says that, J.J. starts to laugh wildly. “Only you, Capitaine!” He nearly falls off the bed. 

“It’s not that funny!”

“You thought, I could do better than that, and instead of just putting it down, you wrote a novel!”

“Five novels and three novellas,” Shane says mulishly. If they’re going to chirp him about it, they can at least get it right.

“When did you have the time?” Hayden asks over J.J.’s cackling. “We don’t exactly have a ton of free time, and I know you’re busy on your off days.”

“Bus rides and plane rides,” Shane says. 

“There’s no way. You’re always doing tape review when I check in with you!”

“Because I am,” Shane says patiently. “I started writing because I picked up Jackie’s book. I continued writing because it’s a good method for me to analyze hockey through a different scope. Translating plays into a written medium means I have to consider them from multiple perspectives. It makes predicting plays easier over time.” It’s become reflexive at this point.

Hayden just shakes his head. “Jesus fucking Christ, man. If you’re doing it for tape review, why write romance novels? You did not have to go that far.”

Not for the first time, Shane considers the fact that he could have consigned his writing to his notebooks and called it a day back in 2011. 

“But then we would not have Jane Dutch,” J.J. says, saving Shane from having to answer. “Really he has done us a favor, Hayden.” His face suddenly scrunches up like he sucked on a lemon. “Crisse, Carine has gotten many ideas from reading Jane Dutch.”

Now Shane’s face is going red. 

If they find out about his research, he’s done for.

They sit in uncomfortable silence for a long moment.

“You really do not do things halfway, Capitaine,” J.J. says finally.

Hayden shakes his head. “Leave some talent for the rest of us, goddamn.”

“It’s not—”

“Before you try to say something about it not being that big of a deal, I have to remind you that one of your books got adapted into a movie, that you acted in!” He waves a finger at Shane. “I still don’t know how the fuck you got away with meeting Rose Landry and making a movie with her without telling anyone.”

J.J. groans suddenly. "I cannot believe we did not figure it out before now. Jane Dutch? You could not have picked a more obvious name."

"Fuck you! It's worked for the last eight years, man." Shane feels a playful grin crawl up his face before a sobering thought hits him. "You can't tell anyone."

"But Jackie--" Hayden objects.

Shane considers it for a second. "Jackie and Carine, fine. I trust them to keep it secret. But we have a plan for how we're going to come out. If it breaks early, that could be the end of our careers." 

It could be the end of their careers regardless.

"We won't tell anyone," J.J. swears. 

Hayden tilts his head. "Blood pact?" He starts digging around in his pockets.

"Blood pact." J.J. starts rolling up his sleeves.

"You don't need to go that far--"

"Yes we do," Hayden and J.J. say in unison. Shane sighs and holds his arm out.

They each make a tiny cut on their forearms with Hayden’s multitool, just enough to bead with blood, before they clasp their arms together, Shane between Hayden and J.J..

“I swear that no word will leave this space, until the term of the covenant breaks, for it is Shane’s secret to share, my oath to conceal it shall I bear.”

He shouldn’t feel so relieved. He really shouldn’t.

But the blood pact has worked since they were rookies together, facing down a team that resented them all for varying reasons. 

The Metros have changed since then, in no small part due to their efforts. The bond, forged in fire, persists nonetheless.

“Do you think you could sign something for me?” Hayden’s voice breaks Shane’s reverie.

Shane stares at him blankly for a moment. J.J. matches it.

“What? I still need to get Jackie’s anniversary gift!”

April 2019

It's strange to not be in the playoffs. Ilya hasn't been free in April since his first couple of years in the league.

Even with Hayes coming from Toronto, with every ounce of effort he put into the Centaurs, they could not get above sixth place in the division.

It is better than last in the division, but not by much.

The coach has been fired, at least. Maybe whoever they find to replace him will be better. Ilya doesn't have much hope for it.

He goes to the watch parties at Bood's house as Shane shepherds Montreal through their run.

"You rooting for Montreal?" Bood nudges him as he makes space for himself on the couch, having come inside from checking the smoker. 

"No," he says honestly. He can't bring himself to root for any of them other than Shane. "I have bet going with Hollander. If he does not make at least 25 points, he has to dye his hair red."

"And if he does?"

Ilya sighs with an affected dramatic air. "I get my ears pierced."

That sends a ripple of laughter through the room. 

"Damn. I don't know whether it would be better seeing Hollander with dyed hair or you with earrings, Roz," Hayes chimes in. "We could take you to Claire's."

"Claire’s?" Ilya makes a disgusted sound in his throat. "I will not be putting cheap nickel in my body, Hazy."

"Yeah, yeah, your body is a temple—"

"Do you decorate temple with cheap junk? No. Gold only." That earns him a round of playful ribbing. "My Jane will not have me in anything less." That gets more hooting and hollering.

He’ll probably get his ears pierced this summer anyway, but that's not the significant part of the bet.

The fact that he can talk about it at all is. 

It isn't a miracle. It's months worth of careful planning and the confused faces of every stupid commentator who tries to bring up the rivalry.

It’s years of Shane’s writing chipping away at the expectations that surround them.

June 2019

Closing the Gap by Jane Dutch

"Eugene stares down the damning document, the words swimming in front of his eyes as his hopes for the season spiral downward. Xavier looks at him from across the table, utterly unsympathetic." 

Eugene Fitzgerald has high hopes for his first season as head coach. He has the makings of a championship-winning team at his fingertips. But when his star player is accused of assault, Eugene has to put everything on the line to keep his dream alive. The fact that the prosecutor, Xavier Bernard, happens to be both hot and utterly dedicated to getting justice for the victims, doesn't help his case.

"Jane Dutch cuts deep into the heart of recent controversies in the hockey world with Closing the Gap; her focus on structural complicity, the dangers of hazing, and the part that public perception plays in these tragic scenarios comes into conversation with themes of the pressures on athletes in her earlier works." ~ The New York Times

lilybestbackhand (7 reviews, 6,162 followers) left a review on Closing the Gap by Jane Dutch

June 6, 2019

⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

Austin deserved what he got. More than most players get.

Xavier has freckles :)

Alex will make good captain.

You like coaches now, Jane? 

Chapter End Notes

I hope you liked it! Feel free to tell me what you think.

Quick Notes:

- The documentary is referenced in canon, but I just might have a different use for it :)Shane and Ilya have been doing some longer term planning.
- It's not a coincidence that Shane and Ilya only choose the people they think they can trust with their secrets to join the coaching staff for the Irina Foundation.
- It's not in the fic, but my thought process about Shane, J.J., and Hayden as rookies together is that Shane and J.J. were in the same draft class and might have played on Team Canada together, while Hayden had played 1-2 years in the AHL, but clicked really well on Shane's line in training camp, so much so that he was selected for the Metros.
- In terms of why they weren't liked initially:
- Shane was the star rookie and clearly identified as the piece that management wanted to build the team around.
- J.J. was the other nonwhite rookie, and talented as a defenseman early on.
- Hayden, ironically, got a lot of the homophobia directed at him before he met Jackie.
- They are collectively stupid enough to continue making blood pacts. Tell me I'm wrong. They do, however, nick the tops of their forearms so they don’t risk deeper injury.
- I touched on hazing a little bit more than I expected with this chapter, but I did want to call back to Shane’s discussion of it in chapter 9 as well.
- Luca, behind the screen, is the confused math lady meme.
- We're seeing a little more of the Cens :)
- Yes, Claire's is also in Canada.
- The OttaWAGs are getting closer to the truth...and by god, they’re going to get it.

Shane Hollander's Jane Dutch's style guide:

- No slang terms for body parts. Anatomical terms preferred, but the exceptions list is as follows: dick, cock, balls, pussy, clit, tits (gender neutral), ass, and hole. Shaft and slit are allowed, but only as anatomical features and not synecdoche.
- There will be no beaver, no fanny, no kitty, no turgid member, no wang, no schlong, no velvet-wrapped steel, no his/her sex, none of it.
- Dick sizes are based on IRL experiences (read: himself and Ilya). People read it as expected for the genre. Sometimes gets complaints about being unnecessarily thorough about prep and foreplay.
- Dialogue tends to come from what he does with Ilya, but he pulls mechanical descriptions from research.
- He is extremely determined not to be weird about sex acts that he cannot experience, and is thus very thorough in his research about it. He asks a lot of questions.
- Not the best at food description.
- Getting kinkier with it as time goes on :)
- Also getting more explicit with his social commentary as time goes on.

The Metros' WAGs life updates

Jacqueline "Jackie" Pike neé Bergeron - Hayden Pike's wife, who has four kids now. Has lots of advice about recovery post-birth. Present since 2010.
Nicole Miitka - Sorren Miitka's wife and a staunch goalie advocate, who was raised in a house with 3 sisters around her. A true ride-or-die. Present since 2012.
Nataly Drapeau - Patrice Drapeau's wife and a fellow goalie advocate. She did name her baby after Jane Dutch, to some extent. Present since 2013.
Valerie Comeau - Gilbert Comeau's wife. Has a kid in the fantastic fives. Loved seeing Face-Off in theatres. Also has lots of advice about recovery post-birth. Present since 2014.
Carine Toussaint - J.J. Boiziau's fiancée. A Haitian baddie. Studied data science at McGill. Looking at her Jane Dutch novels with a closer eye. Present since 2015.

The OttaWAGs' life updates

- Cassie Boodram - HBIC. Working as a paralegal at present. Super cool. Does her own weave installations when she needs a change. Present since 2014.
- Selena Chouinard - Blonde, beautiful, and Quebecois. She has two kids and a third on the way. Present since 2013.
- Caitlyn Dykstra - A social worker at a women's shelter in Ottawa. Just had her daughter Susie in early 2019. Present since 2015.
- Vanessa Boyle - A SAHM with her toddler twins. Present since 2016.
- Lisa Hayes - A pediatrician who just came to Ottawa. Present since 2018.

Chapter 14: Interlude: Housewarming

Chapter Notes

PHONE CALL TRANSCRIPT: R. Crowell -> I. Rozanov
Date: 1 July 2019
Duration: 03:25

CALL INITIATED

I. Rozanov: 'Allo?

R. Crowell: Rozanov? This is MLH Commissioner, Roger Crowell. How are you doing today?

I. Rozanov: Fine.

R. Crowell: Good to hear, good to hear. Listen, Ilya, may I call you Ilya?

I. Rozanov: No.

R. Crowell: Rozanov, then. I just had a small question for you. 

I. Rozanov: What is the question?

R. Crowell: Well, my office has been trying to get in touch with you for a little while now, and we haven't been able to reach you at all.

I. Rozanov: I was on vacation.

R. Crowell: Mind telling me where?

I. Rozanov: Canada.

R. Crowell: ...Alright then. Like I said, I just had a small question for you.

I. Rozanov: Is this about new coach for Centaurs? I have met Wiebe. He seems like decent pick. Better than Boucher.

R. Crowell: No. (disgruntled muttering) Fucking Wiebe. We just, uh, need to know if you have a way of contacting Jane Dutch.

I. Rozanov: Jane Dutch?

R. Crowell: Well she's your girlfriend, or wife, or whatever, right? The Board needs to get in touch with her.

I. Rozanov: What for? 

R. Crowell: She's-- (cough) She's had a distinct impact on ticket sales over the last few years. We wanted to, uh, thank her for her efforts.

I. Rozanov: ...You are trying to offer, what, tickets to games? Free jersey?

R. Crowell: Well yes, but we were hoping to be able to reach out to her directly.

I. Rozanov: Do you think I am agent?

R. Crowell: What?

I. Rozanov: I am not agent or publicist for Jane Dutch. 

R. Crowell: Well of course you aren't her publicist--

I. Rozanov: There is website also, I think. Is simple Google search.

R. Crowell: The website does not exactly have options for coordinating an in person meeting or phone call, Rozanov. 

I. Rozanov: I do not control Jane's schedule.

R. Crowell: Listen, Rozanov, I'm not going to beat around the bush--

I. Rozanov: Why would you beat bush? That is not very nice.

R. Crowell: (muffled frustrated noise) Is she there with you? Can you put Jane Dutch on the phone?

I. Rozanov: Why? You called me, you talk to me.

R. Crowell: Quit dilly-dallying, Rozanov! I need to talk to Jane Dutch, now!

I. Rozanov: Jane is not here.

R. Crowell: WHAT?!

I. Rozanov: (slowly and clearly enunciated) Jane. Is. Not. Here.

R. Crowell: I heard you the first time! I am a very busy man, Rozanov. I can't have you wasting my time like this.

I. Rozanov: You called me.

R. Crowell: (muffled scream of frustration) Then I need you to pass along a message for me, because god knows we can't get in direct contact with her.

I. Rozanov: Have you tried real agent? 

R. Crowell: Yes, we have--Look. All I need you to ask her is whether or not she is deliberately trying to affect the outcome of games for monetary gain, or influence the league's investigation of players.

I. Rozanov: You think Jane is gambling? No. Jane hates this. Tells me it is stupid all the time. (affected voice) 'They should not have made it legal, Ilya, it makes people invest for the wrong reasons. It drives up violence in fan culture. What happens when a rival fan loses a bet and tries to take it out on the players?' All of this, every time.

R. Crowell: Oh!...Well, I can't just take your word for it--

I. Rozanov: What is this about investigation?

R. Crowell: Well, uh, that's not--

I. Rozanov: Is not for me, yes? I am upstanding citizen. Or upstanding permanent resident now.

R. Crowell: You--you're not under investigation--

I. Rozanov: So is for someone else then. Hmm...Ottawa is fine. So is Montreal. Boston, they are silly but not stupid like that. Buffalo is not popular enough. Florida...maybe. You never know with them. Same for Tampa. Detroit...meh. Toronto--

R. Crowell: That's confidential information--

I. Rozanov: You told me there is investigation, but that I am not being investigated. 

R. Crowell: Rozanov--

I. Rozanov: I am just saying what you have told me.

R. Crowell: Enough. I've heard what I needed to.

CALL TERMINATED

Ilya pulls the phone away from his ear with a wrinkle of his nose as Shane comes in from his morning run.

His husband is always a vision like this, sweaty and flushed, tank top and tiny shorts clinging to his skin as he shakes out his damp hair and pushes it away from his face.

Shane ended up with 26 playoff points before the Metros went out in the Conference Finals, so Ilya doesn't get to see him with dyed hair. He did keep the length from growing it out over the course of the spring, except for the undercut keeping it off of his neck. Ilya likes to kiss the skin right beneath the short strands, right on the nape of his neck. And bite it sometimes. Just for fun.

"Commissioner called," he says as Shane starts to get his smoothie ingredients out.

Shane pauses from where he had reached up to get the protein powder out of the pantry. Unflavored, of course, because Shane is a maniac who won't touch Ilya's chocolate flavor even if it's the only kind left in the house.

"What did he want?" A scoop, precisely measured, goes into the blender. So does an avocado, cubed mango, spinach leaves, kale, and ice cubes.

"Nothing with me," he says as the blender whirs to life, turning the plethora of ingredients into uniformly green sludge. Once it comes to a stop, he says, "He wants to meet Jane Dutch."

Shane goes pale. "Do you think--"

He doesn't have to finish the sentence. Crowell has been very clear about what would happen if Shane takes a single step out of the mold set for him and his team. It’s a big part of the reason why they’ve been so slow and deliberate about their planning.

To make it so that the league cannot find any way to malign them enough to drive them out.

"He does not know," Ilya says, standing up from his seat at the counter. "He cannot get through Farah, so he thinks I will tell him where to find Jane."

Shane barks out a laugh. "Let me guess--the girlfriend rumors?"

"Of course." Ilya's earring brushes the side of Shane's neck as he hooks his chin over his shoulder. "He wants to know if Jane is sports betting witch."

"What the fuck." Shane turns his head to look at Ilya. "You said no, right? I can't fucking believe that. Sports betting? What's next--telling people I'll write them in if they rig games? Ugh. No."

Ilya stifles a laugh at Shane's disgusted expression. "No. Is something about player investigations. Not for me, he said."

"I haven't--they haven't asked me for anything," Shane says. "We would know, right? All of our paperwork is on file. They can't find anything without admitting that they overlooked it." Farah Jalali and Yuna Hollander are both incredibly thorough in their work.

"It is not for us, sweetheart." Ilya runs a hand up Shane's flank. "Or about who Jane is, even." He presses himself up against Shane's back. 

Even as Shane leans back into his hold, Ilya can see the gears of his mind turning. "If it’s about the books, I didn’t base Closing the Gap on anyone. Not like that, at least." The tension comes back into his shoulders as he admits, "It was more about the shit that the guys brag about from juniors."

"I know, любимый." [beloved] Ilya tucks his arms around Shane’s torso. "It will pass. The plan is still fine.”

Shane makes a dubious noise in the back of his throat, but spins around to kiss Ilya regardless.

Shane didn't base Closing the Gap on anyone. At least, no more than play style. He's being honest about it. Chose the names from a list and everything.

That's the thing about Shane, and his honesty that burns like a candle flame. He dims it when he needs to, just enough to divert attention from his secrets, but never losing it entirely. It cuts straight to the core of him.

Unlike Ilya, to whom lies come as easily as breathing.

Shane didn't consciously base it on anyone.

His unerring observation makes shapes in familiar patterns.

Someone has fallen in, and the Commissioner wants to get them out.

He's distracted from the thought as Shane detaches from his mouth and pushes them both away from the counter just enough for him to sink to his knees.

Later, when his brain is back in his head and not putty in Shane's hands, the thought comes back.

Jane Dutch has caught someone in an unintentional web.

It would be good to be aware of it.

The little house in Hawkesbury isn't all that little, all things considered. It's a little bigger than the cottage.

It's mostly a waystation at this point in time. 

Granted, they did just buy it, so it hasn't really had time to become home yet. 

But the distance between Ottawa and Montreal, thought it's closer than Boston, was still almost too much to bear. Shane missed his husband desperately on the nights between home games when he was alone in Montreal.

Thus, the Hawkesbury house. 

Shane opens the door for Hayden and Jackie while Ilya is still getting ready in the master bedroom. Hayden gives him a solid bro-hug  while Jackie squeezes into his side.

"The house is beautiful, Shane!" Jackie says, looking around at the foyer.

"Thanks." He returns her hug. "I got the same designer I used for my apartment to do it." Apartments, plural, though the Plateau-Mont-Royal building was sold when they started the Irina Foundation.

"I'm surprised you moved this far from Montreal though--it's a bit much for an everyday commute."

Ottawa's further, he thinks, before he says, "I wanted to be a little closer to my family."

She shrugs. "Fair enough."

"Plus, I still have the apartment in Brossard. This is for breaks." Meaning any time he has a day between games when he's not on the road, really. Every minute he can spare.

"So this is where all that Rolex money is going," Hayden teases. "You don't have kids to spend it on."

Shane chooses not to mention the fact that all of Hayden's kids try to open their gifts from Uncle Shane first, without fail.

Fortunately, he's saved from continuing that conversation as Ilya comes up behind him, putting an arm around his waist.

"Pike." He makes a face at Hayden. "...Lady Pike." He nods respectfully at Jackie. "моя любовь." [my love] He gives Shane a kiss on the cheek.

Jackie stands there in shocked silence, eyes wide. After about a minute, she extends her hand and says, "Jacqueline Bergeron, but you can call me Jackie."

He takes the offered hand and kisses it. "Ilya Rozanov, but you can call me Ilya. I'm Shane's husband."

Her jaw drops a little bit, but her eyes shift over to Hayden, who looks annoyed as he always does around Ilya, but certainly not surprised. "Did you know this? Hayden!"

"Jacks--"

"I told him we wanted to tell you tonight," Shane cuts in quickly. 

"How long have you been married?" He can't quite tell if the volume of her voice is just based on excitement or not.

"One year today," Ilya says, clasping their hands together and showing Jackie their rings.

"Happy anniversary," she says faintly. "We didn't bring you anything! I'm so sorry." She looks like she's ready to bolt back out to the car.

"No need," Shane says. "You guys coming was enough." With that, he leads them to the back deck.

She's mostly quiet until Hayden is pulling out her chair, at which point she says, "But what about Jane Dutch, then? Isn't he dating her?" She points at Ilya.

Shane takes a deep breath. 

Here goes nothing.

"There's no Jane, Jackie." Before she can utter a protest, he forces the rest of the statement out. "There's no Jane because I'm Jane Dutch."

"WHAT?!" She whips around to look at Hayden. "There's no way. There's no fucking way. Did you know?" She turns back around to Shane. "You're joking."

"It is real," Ilya says. "I am dating Jane Dutch, for what it is worth. I am married to Jane Dutch. It is simply that Jane is Shane."

"Jane Dutch," she groans. "Seriously? You couldn't have picked any other name? It's that obvious?"

"You didn't believe it," Shane points out. 

"I didn't either," Hayden says. "It's insane, but it's true."

"How did you have the time?" She gesticulates wildly. 

"Bus trips, plane rides, and tape review." The hockey, at least. The more intimate aspects are written at home.

Her face drops into her palms. "Of course that's when you were writing. Why did I think it would be anything else." She makes a sound that might be a muffled scream into her hands. "Why did you even start doing this?"

"Because of you, actually," Shane says.

"Me?"

"You shared one of your book club reads with me rookie year, and the hockey was so bad. I thought I could do better than that." And he did.

Her face slowly shifts from incredulous shock to irrepressible glee. "Are you telling me I inspired the rise of the queen of hockey romance? Or I guess you're the king. Unless you want to be the queen." She gives him a look.

Shane hates that title somewhere deep in his heart. "You did."

Jackie grins as she says, "This is the best day of my life."

"Better than our wedding?" Hayden asks, pouting. He pouts more as she visibly takes a moment to contemplate it.

"It's still a secret," Shane says, before their marital spat can get out of hand. 

"Who else knows?" she asks, her face falling back into a serious expression. 

"Yuna and David, Rose and Svetlana," Ilya starts counting up on his fingers as Hayden and Jackie's jaws drop. "Pike and Boiziau. We are telling the other coaches tonight, but it cannot get further than that."

"I won't tell," she says. Given that she hid her pregnancy with the twins for a good four months after she had a full baby bump, Shane knows she can keep a secret.

"We have a plan to come out, and we need your help with it," Shane says.

Her face lights up. "What do you need from us?"

"I already told you I'm in, man," Hayden says.

Shane breathes in and starts talking.

Chapter End Notes

I hope you liked it! Feel free to tell me what you think.

Quick Notes:

- Regarding Ilya's speech on the phone call: he's playing up his accent and perceived lack of fluency in English. I promise it's a deliberate choice both in- and out of-world.
- He's listing off all of the Atlantic Division teams. :) He would have gone further, starting with the Metropolitan Division, but Crowell interrupted in a very telling manner.
- I'm placing Shane at around 1.4 points/game for the 2018-2019 playoff run--I think this would be achievable for him over three rounds of the playoffs (assuming he scored 26 goals over an average of 18 games)
- Hawkesbury is pretty much equidistant between Montreal and Ottawa :) They bought a house along the Ottawa River with enough property around it to limit nosy neighbors. It's about an hour and 15 minutes from both Ottawa and Montreal. A much more reasonable commute for them both.
- While I appreciate them selling the hookup building and car collection to start the Irina Foundation as a symbolic choice, they probably didn't actually need to. Hence Shane buying another house on a whim. They do still have the cottage as their own place; they'll host in Hawkesbury.
- I hope you caught the mango reference :)
- Bood is referring to his Big Green Egg.
- No WAG life updates except for the following, since I didn't end up writing the actual dinner party in this chapter:
- Jacqueline 'Jackie' Pike nèe Bergeron: Found out her favorite romance author was inspired to start writing because of a book she shared with him. She's ecstatic.
- Carine Toussaint: Excited to know who Jane Dutch is. More excited that JJ is not perseverating about the threesome anymore.
- Cassie Boodram: Very excited to have finally met Ilya's partner. Also extremely excited to meet Jane Dutch. (She's met Shane before, having come to All-Stars with Zane)
- Lisa Hayes: Generally pretty calm, all things considered. She's been hearing theories from Wyatt for a while.

Solution on page B7:

Chapter 15: Interlude: Housewarming II

Chapter Notes

Trigger Warning for the Reddit Post: non-graphic description of sexual assault which can be skipped.

As the guests trickle in, Shane breathes in rhythm.

They're safe here. All of the Irina Foundation coaches are good people. It's going to go well.

Everything is under control.

Every word that he's going to say later rests in his mind, as if he has a post-game presser to give.

He carries trays of food out to the patio where Bood is set up with his smoker. Ilya is holding court at the table, directing the flow of the party with an enviable ease. Shane just focuses on exactly what he's carrying out.

Watermelon, mint, and feta salad.

Salmon and chickpea pasta salad.

Arugula, fig, and goat cheese salad.

Zucchini, squash, and eggplant for grilling.

The burgers and chicken skewers are already on the grill.

Every chip and dip imaginable.

Homemade mushroom pelmeni.

Burger accoutrements.

Pickles for Ilya.

Beers, seltzers, and sodas in the cooler. Ginger ale for him. J.J. brought wine.

The sound of laughter and conversation picks up behind him as he stands by the grill, flipping burgers and turning the vegetables before they completely char.

Zane gives him a solid slap on the back. "Helluva spread, Hollywood."

"Thanks." It's mostly Ilya's work. Your bird food does not have to taste like sadness, Shane echoes through his head, along with a mental image of Ilya meticulously shaping pelmeni in their kitchen. 

"You gotta get one of these," he gestures at the smoker. "You're a dab hand with that grill, but proper barbecue will change your life." He flexes an arm, showing off his enviable biceps. "Great for the offseason bulk." He's wearing an apron that says Meat Daddy on it. 

It's very clearly Ilya's handiwork.

"I'm not much of a red meat guy," Shane says truthfully. 

"Yeah, but Roz is," Zane wheedles. Which is true. 

"I'll think about it."

Zane holds his hand out for a fist bump, and Shane meets it. 

It's almost 9 PM by the time the sun goes down and everyone starts making their way inside.

Shane feels Ilya come up behind him as he cleans up the grill. "Ready, солнышко?” [Sunshine]

"Yeah."

Ilya dims the lights in the home theatre while Shane cues up their presentation.

Does he think it's a little silly that they're coming out to their friends via slideshow? A little bit, yes. Especially when he just came out to Jackie.

But it makes Shane less nervous to have something to fall back on.

Truth be told, they didn’t plan on doing it this way at first. It was going to be a slow rollout: tasteful public outings and boring social media posts. Show their friendship from their respective cities and let hockey be the priority. Let people make their assumptions.

But a year of sleepless nights when he knew his husband was alone in his bed in Montreal was almost too much to bear.

There’s nothing to distract him in Ottawa. Nothing to do but focus on getting the team into shape. Bood and Hazy are both good players. Dykstra and Chouinard are the defensive backbone. Ilya is producing more than ever, and yet it still isn’t enough to make them truly good. It isn’t enough to fill the stands.

He can't do it for another year, let alone the rest of their careers. He can’t be idle at home, folding hundreds of pelmeni because he’s bored in the middle of the afternoon, alone in a house that no one comes to besides him and Shane.

It makes him think of his mother, alone in the house while his father was at work and he and Alexei were at school, alone with her thoughts, and cigarettes, and too-expensive vodka, and sleeping pills that soothe the ache of bones itching to break from her skin.

"You finally gonna let us watch Shrek, Roz?" Hazy jokes, high-fiving Bood and breaking Ilya out of his reverie.

They are here, in the house he shares with Shane, vivid and solid in a way that breaks the pattern that Ilya wears into the floorboards of his mind.

So he says, "No," louder than necessary. "You will not inflict this on me." 

"We’ll get you one day," Bood teases as the screen lights up.

Shane starts to talk from the front of the room. "Thank you guys for sticking around tonight. I know we called this an Irina Foundation planning dinner, but it's, uh," he glances at Ilya coming down to sit in the front row, "a little more than that actually. I'm going to ask that everyone puts their phones away, and please don't record what I'm about to show you."

There's a general susurrus as phones go in pockets and purses.

"Some of you know about some of this already," Shane pauses, "but we're bringing you in because we trust you. Please try and hold any questions for the end of the presentation."

Shane tabs to the first slide.

"ESPN reached out to us to do a retrospective on 10 years of our careers. We'll be filming during the camps--just coaches, not the kids unless we have permission for video from their parents. That's part of why there was an NDA and an image release with your onboarding packets this year." 

"10 years? Goddamn, we're old now," Pike groans. Ilya holds back his reflexive chirp, because he promised Shane he would let him do the scripted half of this.

Shane coughs lightly. "But, um. It's not the only reason we wanted to meet with you guys tonight."

He tabs to the next slide.

There's a collective intake of breath, but nobody looks that shocked. From the players, that is. Obviously, Pike and Boiziau already know. Leah, Max, MP, and Laura are already in on the plan. Bood and Hazy didn't have the whole picture, but they know some details. Ryan Price, on the other hand, caught them in a storage closet at last year's camp. He shifts from a mild shock to focus in about two seconds.

Their partners are a different story. Well, not all of them. Jackie knows, as of coming to the house today.

Cassie stifles a shriek with her hand, her eyes glinting with suppressed questions. Dr. Lisa is unflappable as ever. Fabian has a bright smile on his face.

Boiziau's fiancée Carine, on the other hand, has an ominously gleeful look on her face.

"I know you probably have questions," Shane forges ahead. "If they aren't answered by the next slide, let me know."

"Happy Anniversary!" Cassie says once her hands come away from her mouth. "Oh gosh, we didn’t even bring you an anniversary gift."

"You are here, yes?" Ilya interjects. "That is all we need."

She lets her hand drop from where she was clearly about to protest with a mutinous look.

Shane continues, "Why the documentary? Well..." 

"We don't want it to be a scandal," Shane says, as Ilya stands up from his seat to join him at the front. "It's better if it's just a clean story. So, um, for you guys, we're just asking that you don't share this outside of this room, at least until after the doc is released."

"You've got it, man," Bood says solemnly. 

"Obviously, there are no guarantees on the reaction that we'll get from the league. Or management." Shane squeezes Ilya's hand. "But that's about the sum of it."

No guarantees is an understatement. Shane made this slideshow from notes he took during a meeting with Farah.

Everything about their marriage has to be as clean and unimpeachable as possible. A happy, harmonious relationship based in mutual respect for each other and their sport. They can't give the league or their teams any reason to suspect a longer, messier history.

Ilya doesn't think it will end up that neatly. Neither does Shane, in truth. 

But they have to try.

The gaggle of mostly polite Canadians raise their hands instead of shouting out.

Ilya points at Bood to start. 

"So every time you tell us about your darling Jane, you've been talking about Hollywood?"

Shane groans. Ilya grins. "Of course." He shakes his head slightly to show off his new gold earrings. "My Jane likes me in pretty things."

"Does that mean we get to add you to the WAG group chat now?" Cassie asks, before she frowns. "Or I guess you're not a WAG. Maybe we add an H in there for husbands. WHAGs?"

"That's okay," Shane says. "I'm not really around for the events and everything. And besides, I still am playing for the Metros."

"He thinks it would be considered cheating if he is in the WAG group," Ilya says in a stage whisper. They also have a Jane Dutch book club that Shane does not want to be a part of, but Ilya holds that thought in.

"Well what if you talk about injuries? This is what we're concerned about. I don't want the league to think we're colluding to share information." Always focused on hockey, his husband.

"I've wanted to ask this--" Leah cuts in. "How did you end up with the name Jane?"

Shane looks up to the ceiling. "When we first started seeing each other, he put his number in my phone under Lily, and texted me that I was Jane in his. It stuck." He's pretending to be exasperated. Ilya can't miss the mischief curling at the edges of his mouth.

Carine leans forward, the look on her face only getting more calculating. "There never was a threesome, was there."

"No." "Well--" Ilya starts to speak at the same time as Shane, and Carine's face lights up. 

"But you could get away with the lie because Jane Dutch was in that room." As that statement settles over the room, she only takes a second before forging ahead. "Because you're Jane Dutch, right, Shane?"

Ilya doesn't think of God very much these days. How can he? It would drive him insane to think everything happens for a reason. 

But sometimes there are small wonders. Every time Shane sent the puck to his tape at the 2017 All-Star Game. The first time they fucked, when Shane came untouched. Sitting in that movie theatre watching their first meeting play out.

Maybe they aren't serendipity. Maybe it's just Shane, divinity encased in flesh.

Instead of answering out loud, Shane sighs and clicks to another slide.

Jackie Pike still shrieks in tandem with the other WAGs, even though they told her earlier. Hazy has started laughing hysterically, while Bood stares, mouth agape. Pike and Boiziau look smug, even though they would never have figured it out without Shane telling them. Ryan blinks, his eyebrows just about touching the ceiling.

"You aren't putting that in the documentary," Ryan says, cutting through the noise. 

"No," Shane says firmly. "That especially can't leave this room. Coming out--," he hesitates, "--coming out like this means we don't have to keep repeating the process. Telling the world about Jane Dutch makes it messy." Especially with the Commissioner sniffing around. "We're hoping that the documentary will clarify the story enough that people stop trying to connect the dots."

Silence falls over the room.

"Plus the anonymity is part of the brand at this point," Hazy offers after a moment. "Shit, I'm going to have to delete that queued post, aren't I." He grabs his phone out and starts scrolling rapidly.

"Queued post?" Ilya asks, the hair on the back of his neck beginning to rise.

"There. Done." He slides his phone back into his pocket after turning it off. "No more Shane Hollander on the urfavisjanedutch page."

Ilya has no idea what he's talking about, but Dr. Lisa has started to laugh, so it's probably something he can ask about later.

MP squints at Shane. "Is this why you had so many questions for us?" She gestures at herself and Laura.

Shane has started to look a little bit hunted. "Yeah?"

She nods. "Fair enough. I respect the accuracy. Can we tell the Stars we inspired a Jane Dutch novella now?"

Before Shane can even open his mouth, the Realization starts to hit, as more than half the room goes red and the other half blanches.

Ilya will never, ever get tired of this.

August 2019

Luca Haas makes a promise to himself that he's going to be normal when he gets notified by Ottawa Centaurs management that he's going to be billeting with the captain for his rookie year.

That promise lasts approximately two seconds after he knocks on the door of Ilya Rozanov's apartment in Ottawa.

The internal screaming almost becomes external as the door opens to Ilya Rozanov in a tank top, gray sweatpants and Adidas slides.

"Haas," he says, stepping back from the doorway to let Luca in along with his suitcases.

He smells good, the little voice in the back of his head shrieks. Why does he smell so good? Also, his pec is bigger than my head.

"Captain Rozanov," Luca says, in lieu of screaming. "Thank you for hosting me."

"Is no problem," he throws over his shoulder as he leads Luca out of the entryway. It's tastefully decorated, with art prints on the walls and furniture that looks like it would cost a fortune to replace, and a number of lamps that is truly exorbitant. Everywhere he looks, there's a lamp.

"Here is your room," he continues, opening the door to a guest room that looks like it's been professionally cleaned. "Bathroom is attached. The cleaners come once a week. As long as you use it like you are supposed to, it will be fine. Put away anything you do not want them to find." He fixes Luca with a stare that feels like it's cutting through his soul, and also maybe to the discreet velvet bag at the bottom of his suitcase.

Once Luca's suitcase is dropped off, they troop back into the kitchen and sit at the dining table as Ilya Rozanov starts the coffeemaker.

"Groceries get delivered once a week, with nutritionist plan. Other snacks are in the pantry. If you finish anything, do not put it back on the shelf empty." The coffeemaker chimes, and he pours two mugs, sliding one over to Luca.

"Thank you," Luca says. "You didn't have to."

He snorts, a little derisive. "Yes, I did. You want anything in it? Milk, sugar?" He's wandered over to a basket on the counter that's full of what looks like different syrups, and is pumping several of them indiscriminately into his mug.

"No, thank you." Luca is a little afraid of the amount of syrup that would be inflicted on his coffee if he said yes.

They sit in a comfortable silence for a moment.

"I will be here while we are in training camp," Ilya Rozanov says, "but once the season starts, I will not be in this apartment all the time."

Luca almost wants to protest that. Him being there is the whole point of billeting, after all. 

"I will be with my partner."

Partner.

"You will have it to yourself some nights. If you need anything, call me. I will pick you up from here at 6:30 for morning practice."

"Okay," Luca says, though his mind is spinning in circles.

Whoever this partner is, there has to be some evidence of them here.

Luca's going to find it.

January 2020

Chapter End Notes

I hope you liked it! Feel free to tell me what you think.

Quick Notes:

- I don't think this is ever going to end. 🫠 I keep adding 1 to the chapter count with each one that I write, and yet somehow that's never enough. Maybe 2 will work this time?
- Also, new workskin element! I could have gone fancier with the slides, but I chose to keep them transparent for the sake of accessibility in all site skins. Also afaik it's better for screen readers.
- You can tell I love cooking. Everything listed is something I've either personally made or had at some point, except for the brisket. Was that section strictly necessary? 100% yes, because it lets me talk about food.
- Why is Ilya the one doing most of the prep work? I think he probably learned to cook out of necessity when he came to North America, but enjoys getting Shane to eat food that he deems appropriately delicious.
- Also: I read Ilya as having unmedicated ADHD and C-PTSD. In Boston, he was accommodating for a lot of it with his habit of going out (we're not talking about his history with cocaine here but I have some thoughts on that as well). In Ottawa, he has a few of the Cens, and Yuna and David, but he definitely isn't getting the dopamine that he would regularly get from winning, and he isn't going out. He does feel safer, but that is generally the time when people start to process deeper traumas, because they finally have the wherewithal to do so.
- Anyway, he decided to start making pelmeni one afternoon and now they have about a thousand of them stashed away in their freezer. He takes a bag out and boils them whenever he wants pelmeni.
- Is the pelmeni a metaphor for him missing Russia even though he’s committed to Canadian citizenship now? Maybe. :) It’s not as simple as missing Irina’s grave. There are a million things he can never go back to, even though he wanted and needed to get out.
- They 100% have a home theater. It's great for watching tape. And other things. 👀
- Why the slideshow? I think Shane would really love having a sense of control of the information he's sharing when he comes out. He wants it to be neat! He wants to retain some privacy! He's still lying by omission a little bit!
- Wyatt runs urfavisjanedutch! Have I been holding on to this tidbit since I had Lisa say he had theories? Yes. Also, it's deeply funny for him to what were you doing at the devil's sacrament Luca.
- You might recall that there were a few other people listed in that email from chapter 13, namely Carter Vaughn and Cliff Marlow. Do not worry, I will get to them :)
- The timeline is Soup. But also, Luca was drafted at 18 during the 2018 draft. I'm choosing to bring him in now instead of in 2020.
- Is billeting Luca a dumb idea? Maybe. But Ilya has to billet someone at some point. Also, the apartment is literally only for when he's crashing in Ottawa. It's very convenient for Ilya. He’s delegated most of the tasks off. Is it giving Luca psychosexual issues? Maybe. This fic is not Hollanovaas, even if Luca wishes it could be.
- Am I implying that he's getting a rookie instead of a dog? Yes.
- Is Luca a little bit of a crazy fanboy? Yes. It is personally very funny to me to make him this way. Italicizing Ilya’s name in his narration only scratches the surface.

My thoughts on Shane's diet and the dishes I selected for the dinner party:

I do not think Rachel Reid knew what she was implying when she said Shane was on a macrobiotic diet, because it really isn't suited to his calorie needs as an athlete. I get needing a shorthand for a restrictive diet, but that's just not what I would have picked. Based on what we do see him eat, I'd say he eats closer to a Mediterranean diet, with an emphasis on fish and poultry for protein, lots of vegetable and fruit intake, and an emphasis on complex carbs for fueling rather than processed carbs. It would fit with some of the decisions he makes w.r.t. the cookies on Christmas and the Snickers bar, as well as his opinions on Ilya's diet, but still allow him to meet his needs.

He's not anorexic. He's probably closer to orthorexic, but also professional athletes are generally pretty regimented with their diets, so it doesn't ring as that strange within his circumstances. It's a performance diet. He gets more restrictive with it around the events of The Long Game because of the stress of the situation. The dishes I picked generally fit a Mediterranean diet, though there are some exceptions, since Shane is not the only person at the party.

The diet itself is not the issue; the use of it as a method of controlling something when he doesn’t have anchors elsewhere is.

The recipes are being written up for the extras :)

Chapter 16: Interlude: Luca

Chapter Notes

2019-2020

Living with Ilya Rozanov is definitely different than Luca was expecting.

For one, he keeps a clean house. Shoes off at the door, kitchen kept spotless, no dust on any surfaces, a courtesy basket of sweets and toiletries in the guest bedroom. It's like living in an AirBnB.

It's a little bit strange. The man who was on the posters on his wall as a teenager now walks around the apartment shirtless, going about his normal routine while Luca has heart palpitations. Or at least what Luca thinks is his normal routine. 

For a man who teasingly calls himself lazy in interviews, he certainly isn't lax about his conditioning. It's...inspiring. In multiple respects.

The internal screaming from the first few days is rapidly forgotten in favor of exhaustion from training camp. 

Luckily, he's not the only one who has to adjust. Coach Wiebe has a laidback personality, but that doesn't stop him from pushing them hard. Bag skates aren't punishment; they're just a regular fact of conditioning. 

"You guys have had a rough go of it over the last couple of years," he says, gesturing with his clipboard. "But I know you have the drive to go all the way. I don't want you overworking yourselves when you need to be at your best, so we're going to ensure your foundations are strong now." 

It's an interesting philosophy, but one that the team likes, Luca thinks. 

When training camp is done, and they've started the preseason games, he finally has the time to start noticing things.

For one, the absolute lack of women's clothing anywhere in the apartment. There's a night when Luca goes out with Young, Holmberg, and LaPointe for 'rookie bonding' even though he's the only true rookie on the roster this year. When he comes back, there's no car in the driveway, and Rozanov is gone.

There's a note on the table reading, 

With my Jane. Will be back for practice.
~ Ilya

in surprisingly neat handwriting.

The perfect opportunity to do some investigating.

Yet when he peeks into Rozanov's closet, it's all men's clothes, neatly organized by type, in what looks like his size. There's a lot of sportswear, mostly Adidas, but a couple of Reebok shirts, several neatly pressed suits, and some more eclectic pieces that Luca remembers seeing on gossip sites.

Nothing to indicate another person living there, even part of the time. No evidence of a woman, at least. If Rozanov's Jane is a man, then he must either always have clothes packed with him, or be close enough in size that his clothes don't stick out in the closet.

Or he just wears Rozanov's clothes when he's here, Luca's mind whispers. Maybe even his jersey. Do you think the captain finds that hot?

Luca shakes his head as he steps out of the closet and back into the hallway.

He's not a fan behind an anonymous blog now. He has to be normal about this.

It's very hard to be normal.

There are some framed pictures, but not a lot. A couple of the Boston Raiders, some of the Centaurs, a group of players wearing matching Irina Foundation shirts. All of these photos are mounted on the wall, tastefully arranged.

There are some other shots on the shelves with his trophies: Roz with a woman with dark skin and curly hair, Roz grinning next to Shane Hollander as he holds up a 1 with his finger on their draft day, Roz hoisting the Stanley Cup.

A picture of a woman with curly blonde hair, hugging a boy in hockey gear who looks like a younger Roz.

"What are you doing?" The question hits Luca like a crack of thunder, and he drops the frame back onto the shelf. Thankfully, it doesn't break, but there's a moment of terror as it clatters to a stop.

"I wasn't snooping!" Luca yelps. 

Roz snorts. "Be more careful, Haas." He walks up to the shelf and picks up the fallen frame, taking it with him as he disappears down the hallway.

The MLH playoffs are no joke. Luca doesn't think he's ever felt this tired in his life.

It's disappointing to lose to Boston in overtime in Game 7. They almost did it.

But it isn't bad for the team that was called the worst in the league two seasons ago.

And at the end of the night, Luca finds himself getting ready to go out with the Boston Raiders. On an invitation from Cliff Marleau, no less.

Not for him personally. That was more of a proxy thing.

"Roz!" Boston's captain shouts joyfully, dapping him up in the handshake line. "You coming out with us tonight? For old time's sake."

Roz arches an eyebrow. "What, so you can throw up in my shoes again, Marly?"

Marleau laughs. "Bring your boys with you, alright? Oi, Raiders!" Heads turn to face him. "We're bringing the Cens out. First round's on Roz!" Cheers go up from the Raiders, and some of the other Cens crack smiles, even through the lingering disappointment of the loss.

So Luca finds himself in a club with an X drawn on his hand as the rest of the Cens take shots. It's a little stupid that he can drink in Canada and at home, but not in the States. 

Whatever. The exhaustion is almost like being drunk anyway. He can probably convince Roz to get him a beer eventually. It'll take a few shots, but he'll get there.

He edges back towards where Roz and Marleau are standing in the back, picking up on their conversation as he gets closer.

"...you still with Jane then?" Marleau says, pointing his beer bottle at Roz.

Roz gives him a deadpan look and yanks his chain forward to show off the ring that hangs next to his cross. "What do you think, Marly?"

"No shit, dude! Good for you!" Marleau cheers. "I'm glad it's working out, even though we miss you here. When's the wedding?"

"We are already married, Marly, keep up." Marleau splutters at Roz' statement.

"You didn't invite me?"

Instead of justifying himself, Roz pulls his phone out of his pocket and shows Marleau something. "We only had Jane's parents there. Courthouse wedding."

Marleau's eyes go wide, and his eyebrows arch almost all the way off of his face. "No way."

"Yes."

"No fucking way. Holy shit." He looks back at Roz' face. "The whole time?"

"The whole time," Roz confirms, a smug smile on his face.

Marleau sweeps Roz up in a hug so tight that his face goes red. "Congrats, brother. That's one hell of a pull."

"I know."

Marleau sets Roz back down on his feet. "I guess that's why you were so mad in the theatre, then. Jeez, we all thought you were mad about your sex life getting put on blast!"

Roz cocks his head a little bit. "You were not wrong about that."

Marleau's brows furrow. "But--wait. You just said--" he cuts himself off and his eyes go even wider. "So your Jane is--" he's cut off once again, but this time by Roz' hand slamming over his mouth.

"Yes, Marly, now shut the fuck up," he hisses. "My Jane has very nice announcement planned, yes? This summer, you will see it." He pulls his hand away from Marleau's mouth.

"Can I tell the boys?" is the first thing out of Marleau's mouth.

"Can they keep a secret?" Roz looks at Marly for a long second before they say, simultaneously, "No."