Chapter 1

Shane always knew that having a double life would backfire on him one day. But Ilya Rozanov is too hot and Shane is too gay to resist so... for months he has been running a secret account named Ilya Rozanov's fan #1 posting about Russian model in between his own practices and games. It became his hobby, way of dealing with his inconvenient feelings for the man who (in Shane's opinion) is way out of his league. Ilya Rozanov's fan #1 @rozanovfckme so you're telling me it's a watch ad? yeah very nice red watch definitely #NEEDTHAT Ilya Rozanov's fan #1 @rozanovfckme i visit Ilya's instagram more often than my own parents... sorry mom. #noregrets Shane Hollander @hollanderofficial FUCK I WANNA BE THIS CIGARETTE Shane's phone blows up with notifications approximately thirty seconds after he has hit 'post'. He is in the locker room after a brutal morning practice, still in his gear from the waist down, sweat cooling on his skin. He taps the screen, expecting the usual — teammates tagging each other in memes, the team social media manager posting highlights. His blood turns to ice. There it is. His post about Ilya Rozanov. On his verified account. With hundreds of thousands of followers. His own profile glares at him from the screen, fucking @hollanderofficial instead of @rozanovfckme. And the worst of all — before Shane can think about the possibility of deleting it, pretending that it never happened — he sees a retweet with comment from the user @rozanov. With a verification mark next to his name. Ilya @rozanov oh hello :) Shane actually wants to kill himself. He wants the floor to swallow him. He wishes he never fucking knew about twitter. And about Ilya Rozanov. Maybe it's not late yet to leave the country and change his name and— His thoughts are interrupted by the sound of a private message. Ilya so about your desire to be the cigarette... are you free tomorrow? Shane I'M SO FUCKING SORRY. IT WAS UNINTENTIONAL I FORGOT TO SWITCH ACCOUNTS fuck. i just made it worse, didn't i? Ilya wow. you actually only made it better ;) so my question stays when are you free?

Shane's hands tremble violently as his mind tries to process what the fuck is going on. Is Ilya Rozanov asking him out? For a date? To laugh at his face? Ilya doesn't seem like a mean guy who would shame anyone for such things. Shane inhales deeply trying to calm down a bit and types the response. Shane god. tomorrow is fine. i only have practice in the morning Ilya cool ;) i'll pick you up from the stadium then

Shane closes the dialogue and throws his phone on the bench. Holy fucking shit. He's actually going to see Ilya Rozanov. Tomorrow. He tries not to let his delusional thoughts take over because one meeting doesn't mean anything. After all Ilya is a famous model who has plenty of fans and Shane is just one of them, lucky enough to get noticed thanks to his own star hockey player status. It doesn't mean anything, Shane repeats to himself but his stupid heart does weird thumping things in his chest and— His phone buzzes again from the bench and he grabs it to check. @rozanov just published a new tweet. Ilya @rozanov just found out that cute hockey star has a crush on me 😋 life is so good Shane has to stifle the scream. Cute? He can't let himself think about this too much. He just needs a shower. And a few hours of sleep before the tomorrow will either change or ruin his life. The next day after a practice ends Shane takes a shower quickly and leaves the rink to see Ilya Rozanov casually leaning against the sports car and smoking a cigarette like a damn romance cliché. He's even more devastatingly stunning in person, Shane notices to himself and the thought definitely doesn't help to soothe his already frayed nerves. He suddenly feels stupid in his simple clothes and with his hair still damp after the shower while this man in front of him looks like he just came off some very luxurious magazine cover. "Hey," Shane says awkwardly as he approaches Ilya. Up close, Rozanov's eyes aren't just beautiful, they're intelligent, sharp, and currently fixed on Shane with terrifying amusement. "Hi," even Ilya's voice sounds... rich. Can the voice even be rich? Before Shane's mind can spiral into some deep voice analysis, Ilya continues. "So, you're my secret admirer. Jealous of the cigarette, huh?" Shane realises that Rozanov teases him, almost gently, without any purpose to make him feel uncomfortable. Probably it's the opposite and Ilya tries to help him to relax a bit. Shane manages a small smile. "Yeah. It's kinda awkward." "It's fine, Hollander. Or may I call you Shane?" hearing his own name in Ilya's voice makes Shane's brain short-circuit and he's pretty sure that he's blushing. Rozanov's satisfied smirk only confirms his suspicions. "Shane is fine. And you... Ilya?" "Call me however you want," Ilya winks at him and why the fuck he's so comfortable with this? Shane is about to die because it's all so confusing, he's still ashamed, nervous and Rozanov is flirting with him? Is he actually flirting? "Uhm... So is there any plan?" Shane finds himself asking as they're still standing next to Ilya's expensive car and he has no idea how this meeting is supposed to progress. "Wanna see my apartment?" Ilya asks bluntly and laughs immediately seeing Shane's terrified face. "Just kidding! Sorry, I also don't find out that hot hockey player is my fan every day." "Hot?" Shane repeats before he can stop himself and Ilya's smirk softens a bit. "Well, you're not the only one having secrets." They stand there in silence for a moment before Rozanov continues. "Anyway, I know some good places if you're up for dinner." "Oh. Yeah. Dinner is nice," Shane mutters in response still trying to process that he was called hot by Ilya-the-hottest-man--of-the-generation-according-to-Vogue-Rozanov. Ilya actually opens a passenger door for him, this damn gentleman, and Shane's naive, stupid heart desperately hopes that it's not the last time they see each other. The dinner is perfect. Ilya is funny, easy-going and manages to finally make Shane comfortable enough to stop blushing and stuttering. He talks passionately about his job, photoshoots and stuff, but he's also a good listener and asks Shane questions about hockey with genuine interest and curiosity. Fuck, Shane thinks as Ilya laughs at some stupid joke he just said, he's too perfect. After the dinner Ilya offers him a ride home and Shane feels like a teenager on the first date. Was it even a date? Can he ask Ilya about it? Did Rozanov enjoy it as much as Shane himself? God, why is it so hard to function like a normal person around this man. The car stops in front of Shane's condo and they sit in silence for few minutes while Shane wonders whether he should just leave or thank Ilya for the evening or ask for his number— "It was a good time," Ilya breaks the silence first. "If you ever want to repeat..." "Yes!" Shane exhales too quickly, his voice laced with relief and joy and Ilya's smile widens. Fuck, he's so gorgeous. Shane Hollander is officially screwed, fucked (though not in a funny way) and lost to this world forever. They exchange numbers and before Shane leaves the car Ilya suddenly leans over the console and presses a soft, undemanding kiss to the corner of his mouth. "Thanks for the evening, solnishko." The brief kiss and Russian term of endearment (how is it even legal that Ilya's voice sounds even sexier in his native language?) make Shane's brain stop working for the tenth time this day, and his face burns, and Ilya looks at him like this— "Y-yeah.. See you!" And he leaves the car quickly, almost running towards his house as if seeking shelter from this unbelievable, perfect reality. They start texting each other every day and Shane even gets selfies from Ilya between his photoshoots which he cherishes more than anything and never posts to his fan account (though Ilya doesn't really mind) because he wants to keep it all to himself. Also Ilya's messages sometimes make Hollander blush furiously because as time passes he becomes more and more openly flirtatious. Shane you look really good in this shirt Ilya i think even better without it ;) wanna take a look? Shane screams into the pillow. This man actually drives him crazy. He's never once in his life felt like this. But Ilya Rozanov easily dismantles all his self-control and common sense. Shane is officially falling in love with Ilya. And it seems to him that Ilya reciprocates the feeling. They go on more dates and Ilya clarifies that these are real dates because Shane is still too terrified of all these beautiful things happening to him. Shane also finds out that Ilya is a very good kisser and it almost makes him mad. "How can you be so fucking perfect in everything?!" He grumbles against Ilya's mouth and the model's answering laugh gets lost in their next kiss. "You're just as perfect, solnishko," Ilya says later, tracing the lines of Shane's puffy lips and Shane preens involuntarily under the praise and this idiotic pet name. He knows now that it means "little sun" and if you ask him, Ilya is the one who resembles the sun much more than Shane himself. He's not complaining though. He would be happy even if Rozanov called him some stupid shit like "lawnmower". Wheh Ilya asks him to be his boyfriend Shane feels like he's about to faint and nods so enthusiastically that his head starts aching. Worth it, he decides, because Ilya's happy laugh and sweet kisses can take away all the pain. One day Shane finds Ilya's old tweet, the one in which he called him cute, from the day when everything has just started, and retweets it with a comment. Shane @hollanderofficial don't call me cute It takes less than a minute for Ilya to post a response. It's a damn picture of Shane from one of his games with a pink ribbon photoshopped to his head. Ilya @rozanov but you ARE cute, solnishko ;)

Chapter 2: mutual crushes and perfect first dates

Chapter Summary sooo here's Ilya's pov as i promised ;) chapter 3 is coming so stay tuned! Ilya Rozanov was very much aware of who Shane Hollander is. You simply can't NOT know about hockey when your best friend is Svetlana Vetrova. She has been dragging Ilya to all the games which he, to be honest, found pretty boring until he saw him. Shane Hollander played with passion that Ilya could recognize because he felt the same way about doing his own job. That's how the star hockey captain attracted Ilya's attention and earned his respect. Scrolling through his instagram and getting a closer look at the man, not just a player, made Ilya think about how damn cute and hot at the same time Shane was. It should be considered illegal at least in a few states, he thought to himself, as Hollander smiled adorably from the screen of his phone. Ilya was very much aware of his own attraction to men but he never felt that weird mix of tenderness and desire towards a complete stranger. Whenever he noticed a cute guy, he approached, flirted, got him into bed and enjoyed a great time, simple physical pleasure of it. Looking at Shane, he wanted to... Yeah, to drag him to bed definitely, but also to simply hold him, to watch this fucking smile and maybe to be its reason. It was confusing. It was infuriating. It was the most interested Ilya felt in a while. And it became even more interesting with the sound of the notification coming from his phone. Ilya stares at the text from Svetlana for a full minute and feels like he's back to the times when he didn't know English because he looks at the words and they simply don't make any sense. svetochka ROZANOV WHY THE FUCK SHANE HOLLANDER MAKES UNHINGED POSTS ABOUT YOU Ilya WHAT. svetochka CHECK HIS ACCOUNT DUMBASS So Ilya does as he told and nearly drops his phone. What the actual fuck, his mind screams, as he looks at Shane Hollander's post, on his official verified account. Shane Hollander @hollanderofficial FUCK I WANNA BE THIS CIGARETTE Ilya returns to his dialogue with Svetlana, his hands trembling as he struggles with typing. Ilya THE FUUUUCKKK WHAT SHALL I DO?! svetochka btchhh just reply to him? before he deletes it don't be so fucking slow and don't think i didn't notice how you've been drooling over this guy so GO AND GET HIM Ilya I WASNT DROOLING WTF okay. maybe a bit. Ilya closes the dialogue with his best friend and returns to Shane's post. He clicks on 'retweet with comment' and thinks about what to write. His brain doesn't want to cooperate and come out with any smart response so he posts the only things that is on his mind. Ilya @rozanov oh hello :) Just in two minutes he receives another message from Svetlana. It's a screenshot of his own post with ' 🫤🫤🫤 ' emojis under it. svetochka wow. you really did your best on this one. are you fucking kidding now he'll never think about your dumb face again Ilya thanks for bullying me? what did you want me to write "hi i also want to to kiss you and more" svetochka it would be better than FUCKING "OH HELLO" text him. privately. or you'll lose your chance to bag this hottie Ilya rereads Svetlana's messages three times. The suggestion is crazy, the very idea of texting Shane sounds insane but also... very appealing. Ilya was never the one to back off from the challenge and he's not going to start being shy now when the man of his wet dreams just confessed his attraction for the whole world to see. He goes to Shane's account for God- knows-what-time this day and opens the blank dialogue. Ilya so about your desire to be the cigarette... are you free tomorrow? He screenshots his own message and sends it to Svetlana searching for her approval. She responds with a thumbs-up emoji and Ilya lets out a sigh of pure relief. Maybe he didn't mess it up completely yet. His phone buzzes with the stream of messages from Shane. Shane I'M SO FUCKING SORRY. IT WAS UNINTENTIONAL I FORGOT TO SWITCH ACCOUNTS fuck. i just made it worse, didn't i? Ilya smirks at the texts. He can feel Shane's panic and embarrassment through them and it's more adorable than it has any right to be. He stops overthinking it and types the response. Ilya wow. you actually only made it better ;) so my question stays when are you free? He waits for Shane's reply with a comforting feeling that this is going to work out. Shane seems a bit shy and awkward but Ilya doesn't think that he will refuse his offer. After all, the hockey star had his own reasons to post this thing about Ilya. Shane god. tomorrow is fine. i only have practice in the morning Ilya cool ;) i'll pick you up from the stadium then He knows the rink where Shane's team practices of course because — once again — you know everything about hockey against your will when Svetlana Vetrova is your best friend. Ilya thinks that maybe he should send her a fruit basket. Without this girl he probably would never meet the perfect man of his dreams. After a moment of contemplation he decides that "oh hello :)" really wasn't the best way to publicly acknowledge something like this so he opens twitter again and makes a new post. Ilya @rozanov just found out that cute hockey star has a crush on me 😋 life is so good The next day Ilya parks his car in front of the building where Shane's team practices and gets out, leaning against the driver's door. He pulls out a cigarette — an ironic thought that Shane might like seeing him with it crosses his mind — and waits patiently. Finally he sees players starting to leave the building and catches the sight of Hollander in this small crowd. His smile grows involuntarily as Shane notices him and starts heading in his direction. Ilya uses the opportunity to appreciate the view. Shane's hair is still damp from the shower, his cheeks a cute shade of pink, either from the change in temperature or from embarrassment (Ilya prefers to thinks it's the latter), and he's just so— Ilya's thoughts are interrupted by the sound of Shane's voice as he finally approaches him. "Hey," Shane says and Ilya notices the slight nervous trembling of his voice. Fuck, why is he so cute? It's unbearable. Ilya already wants to squeeze him tightly in his arms. And it doesn't seem really adequate and appropriate even to himself. "Hi," Ilya responds coming out of his internal crisis called 'the problem of cute aggression caused by a hockey star who probably has a crush on you'. "So, you're my secret admirer. Jealous of the cigarette, huh?" he immediately wants to kill himself because it probably wasn't the best thing to say judging by the way Shane's expression froze for a moment and making the other man feel uncomfortable in the first minutes of their encounter isn't what he has planned. Svetlana would be ashamed of him. But then Shane gives him a small smile and Ilya feels like the flowers bloom right in his chest. Maybe he's not completely hopeless. "Yeah. It's kinda awkward," Shane lets out a quiet chuckle of embarrassment and Ilya feels the immediate urge to reassure him. "It's fine, Hollander. Or may I call you Shane?" He tries to sounds as sincere and comforting as possible to stop Shane from looking like he wants the ground to swallow him. "Shane is fine. And you... Ilya?" "Call me however you want," Ilya winks at him, a simple, practiced gesture that is supposed to signal his interest in this man. Shane only looks more confused at this and they both fall silent for a few agonising moments. "Uhm... So is there any plan?" Shane asks finally and the words leave Ilya's mouth before he can stop himself. "Wanna see my apartment?" Shane looks so genuinely terrified by the offer that Ilya can't hold back laugh. "Just kidding! Sorry, I also don't find out that hot hockey player is my fan every day." "Hot?" Shane repeats with such sheer disbelief that it makes Ilya's smirk soften a bit. Isn't those guy aware of the fact that he's one of the hottest people Ilya has ever met? And he's a model who sees lots of gorgeous people every day. But Shane isn't just physically attractive, though all his muscles leave no room for decent thoughts in Ilya's mind. Hollander has this inner power that makes people (or at least one very specific person) unable to look away from him. It's in the way he acts on the ice like he was born to be here, it's in his adorably shy smile and beautiful eyes and— Ilya has to stop himself here because Shane's right here, looking at him with the said eyes. "Well, you're not the only one having secrets. Anyway, I know some good places if you're up for dinner." Ilya suggests trying not to sound too hopeful. "Oh. Yeah. Dinner is nice," Shane responds quickly and Ilya smiles again and opens a passenger door for him. Svetlana would be proud of his manners. He can't wait for the moment when he'll get to tell her everything but he also doesn't want this evening to ever end. The dinner is perfect. Ilya makes stupid jokes and finally manages to make Shane comfortable enough to stop blushing and stuttering. He asks questions about hockey and for the first time in all the years that he's been Svetlana's best friend, he feels a sincere interest in this sport. it's a matter of proper motivation, after all. After the dinner Ilya offers Shane a ride home because: firstly, he wants to make sure that the man is home safely, and secondly, he wants to prolong their time together at least for a little bit. He even drives slower than usual which is a crime against his favourite sports car but it's worth it. The car stops in front of Shane's condo and they sit in silence for few minutes before Ilya decides to break it and makes a move. "It was a good time. If you ever want to repeat..." "Yes!" Shane exhales immediately and Ilya is so relieved that he is almost ready to cry which is weird. They exchange numbers and before Shane leaves the car Ilya suddenly gets an idea. Having gathered all his courage, he leans over the console and presses a soft, undemanding kiss to the corner of Shane's mouth. "Thanks for the evening, solnishko." Russian term of endearment leaves his mouth so naturally as if he's been calling Shane this for months or years. No, Ilya can't dwell on this thought. It's too dangerous to dream about such things. At least he can enjoy the sight of Shane being flustered and it immediately becomes one of his favourite views in the world. "Y-yeah.. See you!" Hollander leaves the car quickly and Ilya leans back in his seat with a dreamy smile. It was one of the best dates in his life. And he wants to repeat it as soon as possible. But first, he needs to tell Svetlana everything. Please drop by the Archive and comment to let the creator know if you enjoyed their work!