Rating:

Explicit

Archive Warning:

No Archive Warnings Apply

Category:

M/M

Fandoms:

Heated Rivalry (TV), Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid

Relationships:

Shane Hollander/Ilya Rozanov, Shane Hollander & Ilya Rozanov

Characters:

Shane Hollander, Ilya Rozanov, Rose Landry, Svetlana Vetrova, Troy Barrett

Additional Tags:

Alternate Universe - Hospital, Fluff and Humor, Getting Together, Playful teasing, Ilya Rozanov is Good With Children, Ilya Rozanov is a Little Shit, Idiots in Love, anonymous notes, ilya rozanov is a FREAK, Nurse Ilya Rozanov, anesthesiologist Shane Hollander, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Smut, Top Ilya Rozanov, Bottom Shane Hollander, Autistic Shane Hollander, Shane Hollander Walks Ilya Rozanov Like A Dog, First Dates

Language:

English

Stats:

Published: 2026-08-07 Completed: 2026-08-17 Words: 39,715 Chapters: 6/6

all the ways you drive me crazy.

Summary

“Found you.”

Hollander closed the folder. “Mr. Rozanov.”

“I’ve got something for you.”

Before Shane could ask what he meant, Ilya placed the decorated badge on the counter between them. “Your ID badge.”

Shane looked first at the badge clipped to his white coat, then at the one lying on the counter.

“…My ID badge?”

Or

Where Shane is temporarily transferred to the pediatric ward after the previous anesthesiologist quits, only to find himself dealing with a crazy, curly-haired blonde nurse who already had his eyes on him.

Chapter 1: first sight.

Chapter Notes

I WAS SO EXCITED TO POST THIS. i've had this plot in my head for a while now, inspired by something i came across (@ in the end notes).

and now i can finally share my idea of Ilya being a freak and Shane being tortured. 🙂‍↕️

i hope u enjoy it. good reading! :3

Shane was halfway through his shift.

The heart monitor had kept the same steady rhythm throughout the last several minutes of the procedure. Shane checked the readings one final time before confirming the anesthesia records in the patient’s chart. The surgeon began closing, the scrub techs organized the instruments, and shortly afterward the patient was prepared to be transferred to the post-anesthesia recovery unit.

Everything had gone exactly as planned.

Shane removed his gloves, disposed of the used materials, and gave his notes one last review before leaving the operating room. As soon as he stepped through the automatic doors, he fell into the routine he repeated several times a week. He removed his protective equipment, carefully sanitized his hands and forearms, exchanged the surgical gown for a clean white coat, and clipped his ID badge back onto the chest pocket.

He checked the time and saw that he had only a few minutes left before his lunch break. Shane was already looking forward to stopping by the hospital café before eating something in the physicians’ lounge when he heard his name.

“Dr. Hollander.”

He turned his head and found Melodie, one of the OR nurses, walking toward him.

“I just got a message from the medical director’s office. They asked to speak with you as soon as you’re available.”

Shane frowned slightly.

“Did they say what it was about?”

“No. They just said it wasn’t urgent, so they asked you to stop by whenever you were finished here.”

“Alright. Thanks.”

Melodie gave him a polite smile before heading back down the hallway.

Shane remained still for a moment. He couldn’t think of any reason why the clinical board would want to see him. There hadn’t been any complications during the surgery, his reports were up to date, and he also didn’t have any pending administrative matters that he could remember.

That was fine. Maybe it was a scheduling change or some mandatory training. Either way, he would find out in a few minutes.

He made his way through the hallways toward the administrative offices. The receptionist at the medical director’s office looked up from her computer when he arrived.

“Dr. Hollander? The director is expecting you.” She gestured toward the last door at the end of the hallway.

Shane thanked her with a small nod and knocked twice before stepping inside.

“Oh, Dr. Hollander. Come in.”

The man behind the desk motioned to the chair across from him. “Please, have a seat.”

Shane did as he was told.

“They said you wanted to see me.”

“Yes. I won’t take up much of your time, especially since I know your lunch break is just starting.” He gathered a few papers on his desk before continuing. “We’re dealing with a bit of a staffing problem in the pediatric unit.”

Shane remained silent, waiting for him to continue.

“The anesthesiologist assigned to that unit resigned at the beginning of the week. Since then, we’ve been trying to find a replacement, but we haven’t been able to hire anyone yet. Some candidates turned down the position, while others simply aren’t available to start right away.”

He paused briefly. “Until we get the situation sorted out, we’ll need to reassign part of the staff.”

By that point, Shane already had a pretty good idea where the conversation was headed.

“You’d like me to cover the pediatric unit?” Shane asked, a trace of uncertainty creeping into his voice. Part of him hoped, somehow, the director would say no—

“Exactly.” The director nodded. “It would only be a temporary reassignment. As soon as we hire another anesthesiologist, you’ll return to your usual schedule.”

Great. Shane looked away for a few seconds. It wasn’t exactly the news he’d been expecting.

Well, he had never really been good with children. Quite the opposite, in fact. He had simply never felt particularly comfortable working with them.

Adults usually understood things quickly when he explained a procedure. They asked straightforward questions, listened to the answers, and, more often than not, cooperated.

Shane knew it wasn’t like that with children. It wasn’t an environment he spent much time in precisely because he recognized that it wasn’t something that came naturally to him.

The director noticed his hesitation. “You can do this, can’t you, Dr. Hollander?”

The question sounded more like a confirmation than a request. Shane took a quiet breath. Refusing had never really been an option he considered. If the hospital needed an anesthesiologist, and he was an anesthesiologist, then he would accept.

“I can.”

The man smiled, clearly pleased. “Excellent. I was almost certain you’d say yes.”

Shane had the distinct impression that his answer had been expected long before he’d even walked into the office.

“We’ll reorganize your schedule today. Human Resources and Surgical Services will adjust your hours, and you’ll receive everything by email before the end of the afternoon.”

He closed the folder on his desk. “In the meantime, enjoy your lunch break. And if you have a chance, stop by the pediatric unit sometime today. You won’t have to do anything. Just get familiar with the routine, the staff, and the environment. I think it’ll make the transition easier once you officially start there."

“Understood.”

“Perfect. That’s all.” The director stood and held out his hand.

“Thank you for being so flexible, Dr. Hollander.”

Shane shook his hand politely. “No problem.”

As he left the office, he carefully closed the door behind him. He still had some time left before the end of his lunch break, but now his mind was occupied by something entirely different from what it had been only a few minutes earlier.

Even though Shane knew he was perfectly capable of doing his job in any department of the hospital, he couldn’t stop the wave of nerves that ran down his spine at the mere thought of working with children for an indefinite amount of time.

He pushed the worry to the back of his mind as soon as he checked the time again. He still had a few minutes left of his break and, honestly, he’d rather think about lunch.

Shane was happy that, for the first time since his nutritionist had put together his new meal plan, he had finally managed to organize his schedule well enough to actually stick to it. He stopped by the physicians’ locker room, opened the locker where he kept his belongings, and grabbed his insulated lunch bag.

By the time he reached the staff cafeteria, as was the case on most days, Rose was already sitting at their usual table. She raised a hand the moment she spotted him.

“I thought you were going to stand me up today.”

Shane smiled faintly as he pulled out the chair across from her.

“Almost.”

“Surgery ran late?”

“A little.”

He set his lunch container on the table.

“But everything went well.”

As they started eating, Shane could tell Rose had noticed he was distracted. Every time he glanced up, she was already looking back at him while he ate.

“Did something happen?”

Shane nodded after finishing a sip of water. “The medical director’s office called me in after surgery.”

Rose looked up immediately. “Is everything okay?”

“It is.” He set his utensils down for a moment. “The anesthesiologist in Pediatrics resigned, and they still haven’t found anyone to replace them.”

Rose seemed to understand before he had even finished. “Oh… so they called you.”

“I’ll be covering the pediatric unit for a while, until they hire another anesthesiologist.”

Rose tilted her head. “And you said yes?”

“There wasn’t much to say yes to. They need someone.”

Rose let out a soft laugh. “You’ll get the hang of it. Did the director say anything else?”

“He asked me to stop by later today.”

“The pediatric unit?”

Shane nodded. “He said it would be a good idea to get familiar with the routine before I start.”

Rose smiled immediately. “I’ll go with you.”

“You don’t have to.”

“I want to.” She pointed her fork at him. “Besides, I know half the staff down there, and it’ll give me a chance to introduce you properly.”

Shane let out a quiet sigh, already knowing he wasn’t going to convince her otherwise.

Rose rested her elbows on the table.

“If you’re lucky, you might end up working with Rozanov.” She grinned at the thought. If Shane had known her any better, he would’ve sworn she had little hearts floating over her head.

Shane looked up. “The nurse?”

“That’s the one.”

“Hm. I haven’t exactly heard good things about him.”

Well, most of it had come from the nurses themselves. It always started the same way: they’d gush about him as though they were ready to melt into a puddle, then they’d go on a date with him, and a few days later they’d be calling Rozanov every name under the sun because he’d been flirting with other nurses. What Shane didn’t understand was why most of them ended up going back to him as if nothing had happened.

Shane thought the whole thing was ridiculous, and deeply unprofessional. As far as he was concerned, he didn’t have a very good opinion of the man.

“Oh, stop it. You’ll be seeing a lot more of him now. If I were an anesthesiologist, I’d volunteer to take your place.” She smiled to herself. “You should make the most of it. He’s very nice to look at.”

Shane tried to remember the few times he’d seen him in the hallways. Tall. Russian. In good shape, if he remembered correctly. That was about all he could recall.

It didn’t matter. They had never exchanged more than a quick greeting.

“You’ll understand what I mean once you start working down there.”

At that point, Rose seemed more excited about his new assignment than Shane was.

When lunch break ended, Shane zipped up his insulated lunch bag, put away his empty lunch container, and followed Rose through the hospital corridors.

As soon as they reached the pediatric unit, Shane noticed the change in atmosphere immediately. Somehow, the place felt lighter. In a way, he liked it. He hoped he’d be able to fit in there.

Rose had probably noticed that he was analyzing everything a little too closely, because she interrupted his thoughts the very next second.

“It’s different, isn’t it?”

“A little.”

“You get used to it.” She waved at two nurses who were organizing supplies near the nurses’ station. “Hey, guys!”

The two of them smiled as soon as they saw her.

“Rose! What brings you down here?”

She stepped aside, revealing Shane.

“This is Dr. Hollander.”

The two nurses exchanged a glance and seemed to recognize him immediately. For some reason, they started nudging each other in a way that was anything but subtle, and Shane decided he’d rather not wonder why.

“Nice to meet you.” He offered his hand to each of them with a polite smile.

“Nice to meet you too, Dr. Hollander.”

They both shook his hand with warm smiles.

Rose continued. “Shane’s going to be filling in as the pediatric anesthesiologist until they find someone new.”

One of the nurses looked back at Shane.

“So you’re here to get acquainted with the unit?”

“It was recommended by the medical director’s office.”

She smiled warmly. 

“If you’d like, I can show you around.”

“That would be great,” Rose answered before Shane even had the chance to say anything.

The nurse started with the main nurses’ station, explaining where the paper charts were kept, where the computer workstations were, as well as the medication room and the consultation rooms.

Shane listened carefully to everything she explained.

She continued down the hallways, pointing out the inpatient rooms, the observation area, and the small room reserved for family members.

“Some of our patients are only here for a few hours before they’re discharged the same day. Others end up staying with us for weeks, depending on their treatment…” She paused before smiling again. “And finally…”

The nurse opened a glass door. “The playroom.”

The room was larger than Shane had expected. Shelves filled with children’s books lined one entire wall. There were bins of toys organized by age, a television quietly playing a cartoon, tables for drawing, and several beanbags scattered across the floor.

“When they’re not having tests or procedures, a lot of them spend their time in here.” The nurse smiled. “It really helps pass the time, especially for the kids who have to stay in the hospital for several days.”

Shane nodded in understanding. He was just about to ask a few final questions when the door beside them opened.

A tall man with curly blond hair stepped out, accompanied by a little girl who looked to be around five years old and was holding tightly onto his hand. Shane recognized him.

“So, do we have a deal?” Rozanov asked.

The little girl nodded enthusiastically.

“You promise?”

“I promise.” She smiled, revealing the gap where one of her baby teeth was missing.

Rozanov laughed. “That’s what I wanted to hear.”

He crouched down until they were at eye level and held out a closed fist. The little girl bumped her tiny fist against his before skipping over to her mother.

“See you tomorrow, Mr. Rozanov!”

The little girl beamed as the man waved back at her. Shane noticed that her mother was smiling in a way that seemed almost excessively charmed.

“Thank you so much for today.”

“No need to thank me. She was very brave.” Rozanov smiled and winked at the little girl, who immediately bounced excitedly in place.

The woman looked as though she were searching for another excuse to keep the conversation going, but her daughter was already tugging on her hand toward the exit.

Shane looked away before the conversation ended. He immediately turned his attention back to the nurse, who was still explaining the playroom’s routine.

“…and whenever a child is discharged after a long hospital stay, they usually stop by here before they leave.”

He gave a small nod of understanding. Only for, a second later, to hear footsteps approaching.

“What’s going on over here?”

The voice carried a distinct Russian accent.

Shane ignored the unpleasant sensation that ran along the back of his neck. It was probably just the air conditioning. He turned just enough to see who was approaching. Not that he needed to. He had heard that same accent only seconds earlier.

Rozanov was standing there now without the little girl beside him, carrying nothing but a clipboard tucked under one arm. He arched an eyebrow, looking far too curious to see Hollander there.

The nurse smiled. “We’re showing Dr. Hollander around the unit.”

To Shane’s annoyance, Rozanov seemed perfectly content to look him up and down without the slightest concern for how obvious he was being, not saying a single word. His gaze traveled back up until it settled on Shane’s face again. He wasn’t even looking at the nurse anymore.

“Showing him around?”

Rose answered before anyone else had the chance. She stepped forward and jabbed Shane sharply with her elbow, making him cough under his breath in protest. He wasn’t entirely sure what she was about to do, but judging by her track record, he was fairly certain he wasn’t going to like it.

“The administration transferred him here for a while.”

Rozanov raised his eyebrows, shifting his attention from Rose back to Hollander.

“Transferred?”

“The pediatric anesthesiologist resigned,” the nurse explained. “So Dr. Hollander will be filling in until they find someone else.”

The man looked at Shane for another moment before a smile spread across his face. “I see.”

He held out his hand. “Mr. Rozanov.”

Shane lowered his gaze to the hand patiently extended toward him. After a brief hesitation, he gave in and offered his own with little enthusiasm.

“Dr. Hollander.”

“Welcome.”

The unmistakable smile that spread across Rozanov’s face made Shane feel strangely uneasy. There was curiosity behind it, though, and he wasn’t quite sure what to make of that.

So he simply acknowledged it with a small nod. “Thank you.”

Rose cleared her throat beside him, and from the corner of his eye, Shane could tell she was now wearing an unmistakably mischievous smile as she watched the scene unfold.

Fine. He would survive.

. . .

The following morning, Shane arrived at the hospital a few minutes before the start of his shift.

After leaving his belongings in his locker and putting on his white coat, he remembered the email the director had mentioned the day before. He opened his inbox as he walked down the hallway, looking for the new schedule he’d been promised. When he found it, Shane quickly skimmed through the first few shifts, checking what changes had been made to his routine.

His transfer to Pediatrics was already listed there, along with his schedule for the next several weeks.

He kept scrolling until one name caught his attention.

Ilya Rozanov.

His name appeared on the same shift as Shane’s. And the next one. And the one after that. What the hell?

Shane scrolled back up, frowned in confusion, then scrolled up a second time just to make sure he hadn’t misunderstood.

Nearly every shift he was scheduled to work in Pediatrics overlapped with Rozanov’s. Maybe it made sense. If he really did spend most of his time in that unit, it was only natural that they’d end up working together.

Even so… Every single shift felt like an incredibly frustrating prospect.

Shane let out an irritated breath and closed the email before he could dwell on it any longer. It didn’t make a difference. Rozanov was just another coworker he’d have to work with, even if he happened to be the last person Shane wanted to spend his shifts alongside.

As soon as he stepped into the pediatric unit, he found a few nurses gathered around the nurses’ station, finishing up the last of the preparations before the shift began. The same nurse who had shown him around the day before smiled when she saw him approaching.

“Good morning, Dr. Hollander. The nurse manager already let us know you’d be coming in early. Your first procedure won’t be for a little while yet.”

Shane thanked her with a nod and set his folder down on the counter while the nurses continued chatting among themselves, not really paying much attention to his presence.

“It’s a good thing they managed to finalize the schedule yesterday,” one of them commented while looking through a stack of papers. “I thought they were going to drag that out.”

The other nurse laughed.

“So did I. Good thing Mr. Rozanov offered to help put it together.”

The conversation died out as naturally as it had begun. None of them seemed to think it was important information, but Shane immediately thought back to the schedule he had just looked at. Coincidence or not, nearly every one of his shifts had been scheduled alongside Rozanov’s.

He was beginning to suspect it might not be that much of a coincidence after all.

Shane turned toward them almost immediately. He hadn’t even realized he was frowning until the nurses looked at him in confusion.

“Is everything all right, Dr. Hollander?”

He blinked, snapping out of his thoughts, and gave a quick nod. “Oh. Yeah. Everything’s fine.”

“Oh. Okay.”

Shane let out a quiet sigh of relief when they didn’t press the issue and simply went back to their conversation. He pushed the thought aside. Whether or not Rozanov had anything to do with the schedule didn’t really matter right now. It wouldn’t change the fact that Shane was here, with an entire shift ahead of him.

It wasn’t long before one of the nurses called him over, letting him know that the first procedure of the morning was being prepared. Shane picked up the patient’s chart and headed toward the operating room, reviewing the information one more time as he walked.

It was a relatively straightforward surgery. He had assisted with far more delicate procedures than this one, so there was no reason for him to be nervous. Shane took a deep breath, closing the chart for a moment.

It had been years since he’d felt like this. Maybe not since medical school. Which, in a way, was ridiculous.

He knew exactly what he was doing. He had spent years training for this. He worked as an anesthesiologist every single day and had never let nerves interfere with his performance.

So why did this feel different? Shane ran a hand over his face, frustrated with himself.

It didn’t make any sense. A child was still a patient, and he would be doing exactly the same job he did with any adult. There was no reason to turn it into a problem before he had even stepped into the operating room.

It’s going to be fine. He repeated the words to himself before taking another deep breath and walking toward the operating room.

The rest of the morning passed more quickly than Shane had expected. Fortunately, the procedure ended without any complications, and so did the ones that followed.

Even so, Shane had to admit that he desperately needed proper training on how to work with children now.

. . .

During lunch break, Ilya made quick work of his meal, practically swallowing it whole in just a few minutes. He needed the extra time.

The thing was, after helping the director finalize the staff schedules the night before, an experience he might have enjoyed a little more than he should have, he had gone home.

Once there, he’d spent a while staring at the ID badge one of the kids had recently decorated for him. Right beside it sat another badge, one he had decided to start decorating himself.

Well, Hollander needed a new badge now that he was working in a new department, didn’t he?

His current one was painfully boring anyway.

Ilya hadn’t realized it would take him this long, and now here he was, doing his best to finish decorating the badge during his lunch break. Arts and crafts had never exactly been his strongest skill, but he’d learned enough from the kids over the years.

He worked with his tongue poking out to one side in concentration as he finished sticking on a few small blue stickers that matched a certain freckled pain in the ass’s scrubs.

Ilya held the badge out at arm’s length to admire his handiwork. A few things were a little crooked, but as far as he was concerned, it was a job well done. Now all he had to do was find Hollander after lunch and give him his new badge.

He carried it with him as he headed back toward Pediatrics, casually looking from one side of the hallway to the other. If anyone asked, he’d say he was just on his way back to the nurses’ station.

The fact that he happened to walk past all the places where Dr. Hollander was most likely to be was purely a coincidence.

It didn’t take him long to find him.

Hollander was standing near the nurses’ station, organizing a few patient charts before the afternoon shift resumed. His brow was slightly furrowed, which Ilya had come to assume was simply his default expression, since he seemed to look like that most of the time whenever he was checking notes.

He only looked up when he noticed someone approaching.

“Found you.”

Hollander closed the folder.

“Mr. Rozanov.”

“I’ve got something for you.”

Before Shane could ask what he meant, Ilya placed the decorated badge on the counter between them.

“Your ID badge.”

Shane looked first at the badge clipped to his white coat, then at the one lying on the counter.

“…My ID badge?”

“No. A new one.” Ilya slid the blue badge holder a few inches closer to him. “I made you another.”

Shane picked it up.

It was blue, there were little clouds, crooked stars, and a tiny stethoscope that Ilya would never admit he had tried making several times before it looked even remotely acceptable.

“…You made this?”

“Yeah.” Ilya shrugged. “It’s not as good as mine, but… yours is really boring.”

Shane lowered his eyes to his own badge. It was plain white, with his name, photo, and job title. It did exactly what it was supposed to do.

“It’s not boring.”

“It’s completely boring.”

Shane placed the decorated badge back into Ilya’s hands. “Thank you, but I prefer mine.”

Ilya stared down at the badge.

For a split second, he felt his smile threatening to disappear. It took a nearly physical effort to keep it on his face. He couldn’t even remember the last time someone had turned him down over anything.

What had just happened? Wait… maybe Hollander was joking! He had to be.

“Haha. Well…” He took the badge back as though it didn’t matter in the slightest. “The offer still stands if you change your mind.”

“I won’t.” Shane gave him one last polite nod before picking up his folder again and walking away, bringing the conversation to an end.

Ilya waited until Hollander disappeared down the hallway before lowering his gaze to the badge still in his hands. He frowned, turned the badge holder over a couple of times, and let out a quiet huff.

Well. That had definitely not gone the way he’d imagined. Not once in his life had anyone ever refused one of his gifts. Not the nurses, not the kids, not even the kids’ parents. At worst, people accepted them just to be polite.

Hollander had simply…Refused.

Ilya rolled his eyes and looked down at the badge again. It was far nicer than that depressing little white rectangle Hollander insisted on calling an ID badge.

He shook his head as he slipped the blue badge holder into the pocket of his white coat.

“Boring,” he muttered to himself.

Whatever. He’d change his mind eventually.

Before Ilya could come up with even the beginnings of a decent plan, one of the nurses leaned her head out of a nearby procedure room.

“Mr. Rozanov? We’re ready.”

Ilya looked up. “Coming.”

The afternoon quickly grew busy enough that Ilya managed to push what had happened earlier to the back of his mind. The next procedure he was assisting with would also be his first one working alongside Hollander.

Hollander was already there. Of course he was.

The anesthesiologist remained focused as he reviewed the final details before inducing anesthesia. He didn’t even glance in Ilya’s direction when he walked into the room.

Ilya turned his attention to the young patient sitting on the bed. She was hugging a stuffed dinosaur to her chest, absentmindedly swinging her legs back and forth.

“Hi there, miss.”

She looked up at him.

“Is that dinosaur your friend?”

The little girl nodded immediately.

“Oh, I was sure he came because he heard you were going to be very brave today.”

A shy smile spread across her face.

Ilya pulled a lollipop from the pocket of his white coat and held it out to her.

“You can save it for later, after everything’s over. Deal?”

The little girl carefully took the candy and smiled again, hugging the dinosaur even tighter.

“Deal.”

Ilya returned to his usual position, helping the rest of the team while Hollander handled the anesthesia.

Working with him was… Surprisingly easy.

He also noticed that, for a few brief moments while he was talking to the little girl, Hollander had been listening.

Ilya decided not to point it out. He knew Hollander was just getting used to working with children again, and the last thing he wanted was to make things uncomfortable for him at a moment like this.

So he simply went back to talking to the little girl while the anesthesia gradually took effect.

“When you wake up, your lollipop will be waiting for you.”

“Really?”

“Pinky promise.” 

He held out his little finger, linking it with hers. The little girl seemed satisfied with the answer, and not long afterward, she peacefully drifted off to sleep.

The rest of the procedure went smoothly, without any complications.

Once the child had been transferred to recovery, the operating room gradually began to empty, and Hollander removed his gloves while reviewing the final notes in the patient’s chart.

Ilya finished tidying one of the workstations before walking the gurney to the door. As she passed him, the little girl raised her hand.

“Bye, Mr. Rozanov.”

“See you later, miss. Don’t forget our deal.”

She smiled and held up the still-wrapped lollipop she was clutching in her hand.

As soon as the child had been taken to recovery, the operating room began to be prepared for the next procedure. Shane removed his gloves, reviewed the patient’s chart one last time, and took off his white coat.

“I’m going to change. I’ll be right back.”

He clipped his ID badge onto the coat before leaving it on one of the workstations and stepping out of the room for a few minutes.

Ilya watched the door close, and his eyes immediately landed on Hollander’s abandoned white coat.

There it was, Hollander’s badge.

He walked over to the workstation and glanced toward the door Shane had just disappeared through. It wouldn’t take long for him to come back.

Well… Maybe if Hollander’s badge mysteriously disappeared, he’d have no choice but to use another one.

But Ilya knew he’d be the first person everyone accused. So he thought better of it.

Instead, he looked at the badge as innocently as possible, reached out, and nudged it just enough for it to slide off the edge of the counter.

The badge holder hit the floor with a sharp crack.

“Oops.” As he looked down, he casually shifted his weight to one side. Plastic cracked beneath the sole of his shoe.

He crouched down slowly and picked up the badge. The clip had snapped clean in half. He turned it over between his fingers, inspecting the damage, and a small smile tugged at the corner of his mouth before he managed to hide it.

Ilya placed it back exactly where it had been, even though it was now broken.

Hollander came back carrying another white coat, still rolling the sleeves into place as he walked. As soon as he reached the workstation, he reached for his badge and stopped dead.

He picked it up between his fingers, turned it over once, then again. Then he looked at Rozanov.

Who was staring up at the ceiling as though he were looking for a mosquito, quietly whistling to himself.

“What happened here?”

Ilya looked up from the neighboring workstation as if he’d only just noticed.

“Oh.” He walked over to Hollander and looked at the broken badge. “That’s a shame.”

Hollander shifted his gaze from the badge back to him.

“I think I accidentally knocked it off while I was getting the room ready.” Ilya shrugged with astonishing ease. “These things happen.”

Hollander kept staring at him for several long seconds.

Ilya returned the look without the slightest hint of discomfort.

“Rozanov.”

“Relax.” Ilya held up the blue badge holder. “The important part of yours is still perfectly fine.”

With one quick movement, he unclipped Shane’s ID from the broken holder and snapped it into the one he’d decorated the night before.

“There.” He smiled. “Problem solved.”

He held the badge out to Hollander as though he’d just fixed the simplest problem in the world.

Hollander made no move to take it.

Ilya would’ve loved to know exactly what that expression meant.

The rigid jaw. The slight tension in his clenched muscles. That unwavering stare that said, with remarkable clarity, Hollander was choosing his next words very, very carefully.

Or trying to choose the ones that wouldn’t get him thrown out of the hospital.

“You. Fuck—” Hollander shot a quick glance to the side, noticing there were still children in the room. Then he looked back at Ilya, his brow deeply furrowed, teeth grinding together. 

Ilya was absolutely certain he was about to tell him to go fuck himself.

Instead, Hollander just took a slow, deep breath through his nose. “Ugh… Thanks.” He said it in a tone that sounded like anything but gratitude.

Ilya’s grin widened, looking thoroughly pleased with himself. “Aww. You don’t have to thank me.”

Shane snatched the badge out of his hand faster than necessary, let out an irritated huff, clipped it onto his white coat, and shot Ilya one last suspicious look before heading off toward another operating room.

Ilya waited until he disappeared down the hallway before giving up on trying to suppress his smile.

It only grew wider.

Shane didn’t have anything scheduled for the moment, so he took the opportunity to put as much distance as possible between himself and Rozanov and go look for Rose. They hadn’t had much of a chance to talk today since their schedules no longer lined up the way they used to.

Even so, he found a way. Rose wasn’t difficult to find. She was leaning against the counter at the internal medicine nurses’ station, chatting with a resident physician. As soon as the conversation ended, she looked up and smiled when she saw him approaching.

“Hey, Shane! How was your first day?”

She looked genuinely excited to hear the answer, a broad smile already spread across her face.

Shane let out a sigh that made Rose raise an eyebrow.

“Wow. Was it really that bad?”

Her expression softened, concern replacing the excitement. She crossed her arms and took a long look at him, her gaze naturally drifting down to the front of his white coat.

She narrowed her eyes. Then she smiled anyway. “Aww, your new badge is adorable! Did one of the kids make it?” 

She stepped closer to get a better look.

He glanced down at the badge on his chest before looking back at her. “No.”

Rose tilted her head slightly, confusion written all over her face. “Then… who made it?”

Shane was silent for a moment, as though answering the question was irritating enough on its own. “Rozanov.”

Her smile instantly grew wider.

“So… are you two friends now?”

“Definitely not.”

Rose let out a quiet laugh and looked at the badge again. It wasn’t perfect, but it was obvious someone had spent quite a bit of time making it. 

“It’s kind of cute.”

“Fuck off.” Shane closed his eyes for a second, taking a deep breath before continuing. 

“He broke my old badge.”

Rose blinked. “…He broke it?”

“According to him, it was an accident. But—”

“Well…” Rose shrugged. “Accidents happen.”

That only made Shane even more frustrated.

“It wasn’t an accident!”

“How are you so sure?”

Shane was already throwing his hands up in frustration, ready to walk Rose through the entire story, step by step, and prove that he was right, that he wasn’t crazy for thinking Rozanov had done it on purpose.

Unfortunately for him, Rose cut him off.

“Uh… You know what? It doesn’t matter.” Her voice softened. “Shane… you just got to Pediatrics. You’re going to be working with him every day for a while. It’s not worth getting worked up over something like this during your first week.”

“I don’t want to— No, it’s fine.” He let out a quiet sigh. “You’re right.”

This time, Rose couldn’t hold back her laugh.

“Shane… I really think you should give him a chance.”

He shot her a look of complete disbelief.

“Not a chance.”

She let out a defeated sigh, already knowing Shane wasn’t going to change his mind.

“All right. But try not to let this ruin your first week. You’re still settling in.”

He gave a small nod. “I’ll try.”

“Good.” Rose rested one hand on the counter. “Because I miss having lunch with you too.”

“I promise I’ll be able to have a better lunch break with you tomorrow.”

“Okay. How about we go to the café tomorrow at lunch?” Rose suggested.

“Oh, yes. Please.”

Rose smiled, clearly satisfied.

“Perfect. At least now you’ll have something to look forward to tomorrow.”

“It’s a date.”

The words were out of Shane’s mouth before he even thought about them.

Rose immediately raised an eyebrow.

Shane blinked. “…Not like that.”

Rose burst out laughing. “I know.”

Shane sighed. “See you tomorrow.”

He gave her a brief wave and headed back into the hallway.

The conversation hadn’t exactly solved what had been bothering him, but at least tomorrow he’d get another chance to complain about it over lunch.

. . .

The following morning, Ilya left home earlier than usual. Not because he actually needed to, but because he’d agreed to meet Svetlana on the corner before they walked to the hospital together.

She was already waiting for him outside, a cup of coffee in one hand and her backpack slung over one shoulder.

“You took your sweet time.”

“Not that long.” Ilya rolled his eyes as he accepted the coffee she held out to him. The two of them started walking side by side down the still-quiet morning streets.

Ilya glanced sideways every few seconds. He knew Svetlana was never the one to start a conversation. Most of the time, he talked and she listened.

So he started. “I was right! He’s so fucking annoying.”

“I spent all night making that badge for him. A really nice one, by the way! And he wouldn’t even accept it just to be polite!” As the indignation came rushing back, Ilya started gesturing wildly with his hands. 

“But don’t worry. I fixed that problem myself.” He smiled confidently, resting one hand on his hip.

Svetlana raised an eyebrow, already bracing herself for whatever insane thing was about to come out of Ilya’s mouth.

“What do you mean you fixed it yourself?”

“Well…” Ilya said, looking entirely too pleased with himself. “His horribly boring old badge accidentally broke, so I offered him the one I made!”

He grinned so broadly at his own solution that dimples appeared in his cheeks.

Svetlana stared at him. “Oh, Jesus… you didn’t do what I think you did.”

“I did.” He shrugged without an ounce of regret. “And it worked! Okay? So let’s just move on.”

Svetlana let out a quiet laugh, already used to his dramatic nature.

“Speaking of something else…” She seemed to remember something. “Claire stopped me in the hallway yesterday.”

Ilya was already making a face before she even finished. 

Claire was one of the nurses he’d gone out with before. She was the most recent one. Ilya had taken her out to dinner and then back to his place. Casual sex, and then he left. Simple.

“She asked if you two were going to go out again. Said you stopped answering her messages.”

“Because there was nothing else to answer.”

“Ilya.”

“What? It was a date. We had fun. It ended.” Ilya shook his head. “Tell her I don’t want anything beyond a date and good sex. If she’s looking for something serious, I’m definitely not the right person.”

Svetlana let out a long sigh.  “Sometimes I genuinely find it impressive how you manage to complicate something so simple.”

“Me? I was honest!”

She rolled her eyes, defeated. “I’ll talk to her.”

“Thanks.”

The two of them continued walking along the sidewalk for a few more moments. The city was slowly starting to get busier, but it was still far from the rush they would find a few minutes from now.

Ilya stayed quiet for a moment before letting out a small huff. “But honestly… I still can’t believe Hollander rejected me!”

“Ugh. You weren’t even rejected. He can be annoying and everything, but you can’t deny he’s really attractive.”

Ilya immediately made a face. “Oh, please.”

“What? He’s hot.”

He turned to look at her as though she had just said the most ridiculous thing in the world.

“I’m still better looking.”

“You can think whatever you want.” She took another sip of her coffee. “But I’m not the only one who thinks that.”

Ilya raised an eyebrow. “Oh, really?”

“Nope. I’ve heard half of Pediatrics talking about him.” She started counting on her fingers. “Claire, Daisy, Emma… even Nathalie mentioned him when she found out he’d been transferred.”

Ilya grimaced. “Those women need to get a hobby.”

“And it wasn’t just them.” Svetlana gave him a teasing little smile. “Some of the male nurses have commented too.”

Ilya slowed his pace slightly without realizing it. “What?” At that point, he was already grinding his teeth together.

Svetlana glanced at him from the corner of her eye, clearly enjoying this more than she should have. “That he has really nice hands.”

His expression shifted into pure disbelief.“They’re not even that impressive.” Ilya muttered, already frustrated.

“You haven’t even looked at his hands.”

“I looked enough.”

“Ah. So you did look.”

Ilya realized the trap one second too late.

“That’s not what I meant.”

Svetlana laughed. “Of course it isn’t.”

“And stop talking about this.”

“Why?”

“Because it’s weird.”

She raised an eyebrow. “Weird for who?”

“For any normal person.”

Svetlana simply shook her head, hiding her smile behind her coffee cup.

After they said goodbye, Svetlana went to put her things away while Ilya headed straight for Pediatrics. His shift still wouldn’t start for a few more minutes, and for now, the unit remained relatively quiet.

Ilya greeted everyone he passed and left his empty coffee cup on the nurses’ station counter. While quickly checking the day’s procedure board, he heard one of the nurses mention that everyone had already arrived a few minutes ago.

Since there was still nothing to do, Ilya stopped by the playroom. A few sheets of paper were still scattered across one of the small tables from the day before, along with a box of crayons that someone had clearly forgotten to put away.

He pulled out a chair and sat down without thinking much about it.

He picked up a blank sheet of paper, rolled a red crayon between his fingers, and stared at the page for a few seconds. 

Soon, he started drawing absentmindedly.

As always happened whenever he needed to focus on something, the tip of his tongue slipped slightly out as he made the first few lines. He frowned, erased a detail with his thumb, turned the paper around, started over, and tilted his head as he examined whether it looked better this time.

“No… the forehead is too big.”

Somehow, Ilya found himself pathetically sketching what appeared to be Hollander.

He had no explanation for it. And honestly, who needed one? Not him.

He grabbed another sheet to redo it. A few minutes later, he held the drawing farther away to look at it from a distance.

A satisfied smile slowly appeared on his face. “Much better.”

Ilya was about to shove the little drawing into his pocket and throw it away somewhere before anyone could see it, when the idea of leaving it among Hollander’s things crossed his mind.

Maybe it would be more fun if Hollander didn’t find out who had left the note.

It was a great drawing… He had learned from the kids at the hospital! Now all he needed was to figure out where to put it so Hollander would find it.

Chapter End Notes

i honestly LOVE making Ilya have a few screws loose. THATS MY BABY

u can find me on twitter
kudos and comments are more than welcome :)

fic inspired by Izzy's fanarts

Chapter 2: stupid invitation.

Chapter Notes

i think you’ve probably noticed by now that the whole point of this fic is to be silly and stupid, i hope that came across. i just wanted a fluff humor after writing so much angst!!

anyway, enjoy the chapter :D

Shane came back from the hospital cafeteria with the empty coffee cup in his hand and a reasonably better mood than he had a few minutes earlier.

The rest of the morning had been quiet, without any complications, and he was finally starting to feel like he was finding a somewhat acceptable rhythm in the unit.

He still didn’t feel exactly comfortable, but at least he no longer had the impression that he would make some child start crying just by walking into the room. As soon as he crossed the main hallway of Pediatrics, he walked toward the station where he had left some notes separated before going to get coffee. 

He only intended to put the last notes away in the folder, organize his bag before lunch, and make use of the remaining minutes before meeting Rose. Shane placed the empty cup on the counter and noticed there was a piece of paper carefully taped underneath the folder.

He frowned. Shane was absolutely certain it hadn’t been there when he left. He automatically looked around. 

A few nurses were organizing medications a few feet away. Everything looked exactly the same as it had a few minutes earlier.

Slowly, Shane picked up the paper between his fingers. The moment he saw the drawing, he stayed completely still for a few seconds.

One eyebrow raised.

What the fuck? There were several cartoon heads that were ridiculously drawn to look like… Him?

The freckles seemed to be the most important detail to highlight, and he looked angry in the drawing. Well. In all of them.

How ridiculous. Shane blinked twice before turning the paper over, looking for some kind of signature.

There was nothing. Not even something that could tell him who had left it there. He looked at the page for a few more seconds.

It wasn’t a good drawing. Quite the opposite. It was clearly made by someone who drew worse than a five-year-old. The heads were all different sizes, one of the cheeks looked bigger than the other, and the hair was basically just a bunch of scribbles with an absurd amount of freckles scattered across the cheeks.

Shane still didn’t find it funny.

His face started getting warm with irritation, and a frown slowly formed on his face, which only annoyed him more because now he looked even more like that stupid drawing. Damn it!

He huffed, folded the paper, and shoved it into the pocket of his white coat with slightly more force than necessary.

A few minutes later, his lunch break finally arrived.

Shane put the charts away where they belonged, closed the folder, quickly checked if he had forgotten anything on the counter, and grabbed his bag.

Before leaving, his hand instinctively went to the pocket of his white coat, feeling the folded piece of paper still inside.

For a moment, he considered simply throwing it away in the first trash can he found.

He ended up not doing it. He took off his white coat and put the paper away in his bag.

The cafeteria was already relatively crowded when he arrived. The smell of freshly brewed coffee mixed with the meals being served to the staff, and the sound of conversations filled the room.

Rose was already sitting at their usual table near the window. The moment she saw him walk in, she raised a hand to get his attention. “Finally!”

“I had a few things to take care of before leaving.”

Shane pulled out the chair across from her and sat down. He placed his bag beside his feet.

They ordered what they wanted from the cafeteria, and it didn’t take long before everything arrived.

Rose spent the entire time casually talking about a resident who had gotten confused and messed everything up that morning.

Shane responded with a short “hmm,” then another one. He wasn’t exactly in a bad mood, but he also wasn’t following the conversation the way he usually did.

She kept talking for a little while longer, until she realized that she had been the only one carrying the conversation for quite some time.

“…Shane.”

He looked up.

“Did you hear anything I just said?”

It took him a second before he admitted it.

“Not really. Sorry.”

Rose placed her fork down on her plate and crossed her arms on the table.

“Okay. What happened?”

Shane let out a quiet sigh, looking away. He spent a few more moments absentmindedly moving his food around before opening his bag and pulling out a piece of paper folded carelessly.

“I found this this morning.”

That was when she finally opened it. She looked at the drawing and let out a small laugh because the drawing was absolutely terrible. And cute.

“Don’t laugh at me!”

“I’m not laughing at you.” She covered her mouth, trying to compose herself. “It’s just… oh my God, look at this drawing.”

Rose asked what happened, and Shane explained that he had simply found it sitting on top of his things.

He rested his face against his hand, looking at the drawing that somehow seemed even more ridiculous the longer he stared at it.

“I just got to Pediatrics. I barely know anyone there.” He breathed out through his nose before adding more quietly: “Maybe they did this to make fun of me. I don’t know.”

Rose’s expression changed immediately. 

She reached across the table and held Shane’s free hand.

“Hey. Hey. Shane. I’m sure that’s not it, okay? Relax. I’m sure everyone there likes you.” She gave him a reassuring smile and gently rubbed his hand. “Maybe it was just a way to get your attention. Either way, I’ll try to figure it out for you.”

“Okay… thanks.”

She pushed the paper back toward him.

“Besides…” She smiled slightly. “If someone actually wanted to make fun of you, they probably would’ve done something much worse than a drawing like this.”

He looked at the paper for a few seconds before folding it again.

“Either way, I want to know who did it.”

“Maybe you’ll find out.”

“I hope so.”

Rose watched as he put the drawing back inside his bag, still handling it carefully.

He hadn’t even noticed that, despite all his irritation, he had folded the paper properly before putting it away.

She decided not to point it out. Instead, she picked up her coffee cup. “Feeling better?”

Shane thought for a few seconds. “A little.”

“Good. Because you still have half your shift left.”

The two of them finished lunch without rushing.

The conversation eventually shifted to much less important topics, like how Rose was already frustrated that she didn’t have time to go on dates anymore and how even Tinder wasn’t working for her these days.

Completely ridiculous comments that managed to pull one or two smiles out of Shane.

They returned to the hospital before their lunch break ended, said goodbye, and each headed back to their respective departments.

. . .

At that same time, Ilya was leaning against the nurses’ station counter, talking to a few nurses while they organized the charts of newly admitted patients. Damn the moment he decided to come back early from his lunch break. He had no idea he would have to listen to some of the most boring stories a human being could possibly tell.

At least they had gone back to talking about the kids, which, in Ilya’s opinion, was a much better topic.

Louise was talking about a patient from the previous week when Ilya absentmindedly looked up toward the spot where Hollander had left his papers earlier.

He frowned slightly before resting one of his elbows on the counter.

The papers were gone. And so was the note he’d left. He stared at the empty space for a few more seconds. Maybe Hollander had already seen the note earlier. Great.

“…Mr. Rozanov?”

“Hm?”

Claire raised an eyebrow.

“What are you looking at?”

Ilya had to stop himself from huffing at the question. “Nothing.”

He rested both elbows on the counter and tried to look completely uninterested.

“Anyway…” he started, in a tone far too casual to actually be casual. “Did Hollander mention anything today?”

The three nurses looked up at him at the exact same time. “About what?”

That was when he realized he should’ve kept his mouth shut.Now he had everyone’s attention about something he couldn’t even explain. Ilya opened his mouth, then closed it again. 

“…Nothing.”

The conversation continued normally, but he wasn’t paying attention to anything anymore.

His eyes went back to the empty space on the counter, and he let out an almost imperceptible huff. The note was gone, which meant Hollander had obviously been there.

But if he had actually seen it…

Something would have happened, right? A sarcastic comment or a weird look. Any reaction would have been enough. Ilya crossed his arms, clearly frustrated with his own conclusion.

Had he really not noticed? Impossible. The paper had been sitting on top of his things, with a huge drawing taking up almost half the page.

He had even picked a blue crayon because it matched Hollander’s uniform!

There was absolutely no way.

… Actually, there was. If that someone was Hollander. Ilya made a face. “So fucking boring.”

He pushed the stack of patient charts toward Alice without even checking if they were properly aligned.

“I’m taking room three.”

“It’s already being prepared,” Louise replied without looking up from the chart she was filling out. “The next surgery starts in a few minutes.”

Ilya simply nodded and walked away from the nurses’ station. 

The Pediatrics hallway was already busier than it had been at the beginning of the morning.

Some children walked around accompanied by their parents, while others were being wheeled on gurneys as nurses moved back and forth, organizing medications, tests, and charts.

When he entered the procedure room, he found Hollander exactly where he expected him to be.

He was already wearing gloves, reviewing the chart for the second time while checking the supplies arranged on the counter. His brow was still furrowed in that way that Ilya was beginning to suspect was permanent.

“Hi, Dr. Hollander.”

Hollander only looked up for a moment.

“Mr. Rozanov.”

He was looking at Ilya with the same judgmental stare he always had, so Ilya couldn’t even tell whether Hollander had seen his drawing or not.

Either way, there was no comment or different reaction, which was enough for Ilya to take it as confirmation that he hadn’t seen it.

Either Hollander really hadn’t noticed… Or he was simply incapable of reacting like a normal person.

Ilya gave up trying to understand. The door opened a few seconds later. A technician entered, slowly pushing the gurney while a little boy, maybe six or seven years old, sat curled up, hugging a worn-out stuffed dragon. Unlike the previous patient, he wasn’t looking around at everything.

His eyes stayed lowered, and he held onto the toy so tightly that his fingers were already starting to lose color.

As soon as the gurney stopped, he lifted his face for a moment, a small pout forming on his lips, his eyes already filling with tears.

Shane noticed immediately. He approached calmly, keeping his voice low. “Hi. My name is Shane. I’m going to take care of you during the procedure, okay?” 

No response.

He only shook his head. “I… I don’t want to go to sleep.” The boy’s voice came out so quietly that it almost disappeared into the silence of the room. 

Shane’s body stiffened immediately. He wasn’t used to this. With adults, it was easier. He explained the procedure, answered questions, clarified technical concerns, and everything followed its course. 

And Shane already knew it was different.

He just hadn’t expected to find out how different it really was now, when the little boy started breathing faster.

“Hey…” Shane tried again, searching for the right words. “It’s going to be okay.”

He expected that to help. Apparently, it didn’t. The boy lowered his head again, breathing faster and faster.

Ilya watched as he finished organizing the materials beside them. It took him a moment to notice that Hollander seemed tense.

And it wasn’t just the child who looked nervous. Hollander’s gloved fingers were subtly trembling near the boy, which made Ilya soften slightly, a small spark of concern appearing in the back of his mind.

For a moment, Ilya considered simply taking over the situation. It would be faster. He was used to just stepping in, talking to the child for a few minutes, and everything would probably be resolved.

But looking at Hollander like that, he abandoned the idea almost immediately. If he did that, he would only step on his work. Instead, he walked over and stopped discreetly beside Hollander.

Ilya didn’t interfere with anything. The child didn’t even notice he was there. He only spoke quietly enough that only Hollander could hear.

“Breathe.” Ilya kept his voice calm and low, almost a whisper. “You’re doing well.”

Hollander turned his head toward him, letting out a small breath through his nose, still far too tense to continue. “I— He’s scared— I don’t—” Hollander lowered his head in defeat.

Ilya gently lifted a hand, only using his fingers to raise Hollander’s face so he would look at him.

“I know.” A small smile appeared on his face. “And he can tell if you get nervous too.”

He noticed Hollander tense up for a second, his gaze dropping toward where Ilya’s fingers were now resting, which made him realize what he was doing.

Ilya immediately pulled his hand away and placed it behind his back. “You can do this, Hollander.”

Ilya continued in the same calm tone. “You know, I’m here to help if you need me.” Ilya took another step back, giving him space to handle the situation his own way.

Hollander remained looking at Rozanov for another moment. He was still nervous, but it was no longer as suffocating as it had been a few seconds before. He took another deep breath, this time slower, and turned his attention back to the little boy.

He pulled a stool closer to the gurney and lowered himself until he was almost at the same height as the child. The boy was still hugging the stuffed dragon.

“Can I ask you a question?”

The boy took a moment before giving a very small nod.

“What is his name?”

The child’s eyes immediately dropped to the dragon. “…Orion.”

“Oh… that’s a really nice name.” Shane tried to smile in the most reassuring way possible. The boy stayed quiet, thinking about it, while absentmindedly running his thumb over one of the dragon’s fabric wings. “Do you think he can sleep with me?”

“I’m sure he can.” Shane smiled softly.

The little boy finally seemed to believe him. His shoulders slowly relaxed and his breathing, which had been uneven before, began to return to its normal rhythm. “Okay…”

Shane gave Ilya a quick glance over his shoulder. Rozanov only gave a small affirmative nod. Hollander then looked back at the child. “Can I start?”

The boy nodded, and before Shane could prepare the medication, a small hand gently held his gloved pinky finger. “Thank you…” The little boy smiled.

This completely caught Shane off guard. He felt as if he had been hit with a strong, warm impact right in the chest. Was this what taking care of children felt like? He liked the way he was feeling now, with that genuine smile directed at him and the sense of accomplishment when he hadn’t even finished the procedure yet. “…You’re welcome.”

Only then did the little boy let go of his finger. Hollander began the anesthetic induction as calmly as possible, carefully watching as the boy’s eyes grew heavier little by little until they finally closed. Shane only realized he had been holding his breath when everything was over. He slowly let the air out, feeling a tension he hadn’t even noticed carrying leave his shoulders all at once.

Shane snapped out of his trance when a warm laugh escaped quietly behind him. He already knew exactly where it was coming from. Hollander closed his eyes for a second before turning just enough to give Rozanov a tired look. “Stop laughing.”

Ilya raised both hands in surrender, but the smile remained exactly where it was.

“What can I do? It was adorable.” He winked at Hollander, resting one hand on his hip.

“You can’t be serious.” Shane shook his head, unable to argue with him at that moment. He turned his attention back to the final adjustments of the procedure before slowly removing his gloves.

“…Thank you. For helping.”

Rozanov blinked, breaking his composure. He leaned his waist against the doorframe when he stumbled slightly to the side. His smile became softer and more discreet. “You don’t have to thank me. I knew you could do it.”

Shane didn’t want to drag it out. He looked away and turned around, even though he couldn’t deny the calm that filled him after the help. Shane couldn’t deny that Rozanov had been kind to him. He felt a little guilty for never having imagined something like that coming from him.

To Shane’s relief, the rest of the shift ended up being much calmer than he expected. There were a few more simple procedures, a quick visit to recovery to check on a patient, and an almost offensive amount of paperwork waiting for him at the nurses’ station. Nothing that required the same emotional effort as before.

When Shane finally looked at the clock and realized his shift was over, he let out a relieved sigh. Shane started putting his things away with his usual care. He folded his coat before placing it inside his bag, checked to make sure he hadn’t left any charts on the counter, and put away his stethoscope. While closing the zipper, he noticed a growing chatter coming from the pediatric nurses’ station. Some of the nurses had already finished their shifts and were chatting excitedly while organizing the last papers of the day.

“So it’s settled?” Louise asked, leaning her hip against the counter as she finished signing a form. “Ten o’clock?”

“Ten o’clock.” Claire confirmed. “Please, I don’t want anyone backing out at the last minute.”

Troy laughed through his nose. “This happened because you guys wanted to drink on a Monday.”

“You all need to have more energy.”

Svetlana shook her head, amused by the argument. “Cloakroom then?”

“Deal.” Harry replied before tucking a clipboard under his arm. “It’s been a while since we managed to get almost everyone together.”

Shane didn’t pay much attention to the rest of the conversation. He finished adjusting the strap of his bag over his shoulder and was about to leave when he heard Rozanov’s voice echo through the hallway.

Making Shane tense his shoulders.

“Hollander!”

He only turned his head. Ilya was still on the other side of the nurses’ station, leaning against the counter beside Troy, without making any attempt to walk over to him.

“Come to the bar with us. We’re meeting at Cloakroom at ten.”

Shane shook his head before he even had time to think about it. “Thank you, but I’ll pass.”

“Why?”

“I have some things to do at home.”

“Why do you want to be home so badly?” Ilya replied with a fake offended expression, earning a quiet laugh from Troy.

“Because I live there.”

The answer made Louise hold back a laugh while Claire turned her face away, pretending to organize the papers.

Ilya only raised an eyebrow. “Okay. You don’t have to come if you don’t want to.”

Shane bit his lip. He almost felt bad for responding that way to an invitation, especially since he was new to the department. He didn’t want to be rude…

“I’m not really someone who drinks.”

“Who said you have to drink?” Ilya shrugged. “There’s food, music, you can spend the entire night drinking soda if you want.”

Shane remained silent for a few seconds. It wasn’t the kind of thing he usually agreed to do. Normally, when his shift ended, he preferred going home and spending the rest of the night alone. Still, Rose was right when she said he would be working with that team for a while. Maybe insisting on keeping his distance from everyone wouldn’t make the next few weeks any easier.

“…Okay.”

Ilya’s smile appeared immediately.

“Hollander is coming with us!”

Shane discreetly rolled his eyes, but he couldn’t deny that he was at least slightly satisfied and comfortable seeing that the rest of the team seemed happy he was accepting the invitation.

“Ten o’clock.” Ilya repeated, satisfied, resting a hand on his hip.

Shane only gave a small nod before leaving Pediatrics. Behind him, the conversation naturally returned to the plans they had for that night.

He drove home in silence, one hand resting on the steering wheel while the other stayed on the gear shift, leaving the radio off for the entire drive. Shane caught himself thinking that he had never been invited out with his old team. Not that he had cared much at the time. Everyone would finish their shifts and simply leave. Some of them barely even knew each other’s names.

That had always seemed normal to Shane, and now, after only a few days in Pediatrics, he was already being included. He felt stupid for thinking earlier that they might have been making fun of him.

Shane parked in front of the building and went up to his apartment. He left his bag on the office chair and stood still for a few seconds in the middle of the room, staring at the open closet. Honestly, he felt a little out of place now. He had no idea what to wear. Over the past few months, the only times he had gone out were with Rose or on failed Tinder dates at restaurants in Montreal that never became anything beyond awkward conversations.

And he had never been someone who enjoyed going to bars…

Shane just wanted to fit in.

He frowned at his clothes, all organized on perfectly aligned hangers. He had far too many dress shirts working against him now. After a few minutes of moving two or three pieces around without actually deciding on anything, he ended up choosing something comfortable.

He put on a light-colored short-sleeved shirt, open enough at the collar to look casual without seeming careless. He paired it with darker, looser-fitting jeans that fell straight down to his already well-worn but impeccably clean white sneakers. Before buttoning up the shirt, he looked at his reflection in the mirror for a few seconds, ran a hand through his hair that was still slightly damp from the shower, and fixed a strand that insisted on falling over his forehead.

“…Good enough.”

It wasn’t exactly an outfit he would choose to impress someone. Of course, he didn’t have anyone to impress tonight anyway.

He grabbed his phone, wallet, and apartment keys, placing everything inside the small black crossbody bag that rested across his chest. He turned off the apartment lights, checked twice to make sure the door was locked, and went down to the garage.

The clock showed a little after nine forty when he started the car. He would still have enough time to arrive before ten. Everything would be under control that night, and he wouldn’t arrive late, something he had always hated.

Traffic took much longer than Shane expected. Construction had closed one of Montreal’s main avenues, and the cars moved at an almost irritating pace. Shane tapped his fingers against the steering wheel while checking the clock for the third time in less than five minutes. He hated being late.

When he finally found a parking spot near the bar, it was already a few minutes past ten.

The illuminated Cloakroom sign shone above the busy sidewalk. As soon as he entered, the sound of the music filled the room. The place was crowded, with groups scattered around the tables and people occupying much of the bar counter.

It took him a few seconds to find the Pediatrics group gathered near one of the walls, taking up a space where everyone could stand without blocking the way.

It was Rozanov who noticed him first. His blue eyes seemed to light up in that moment.

“Hollander!” He raised one hand to get his attention, a genuine smile spreading across his face. “You came.”

Shane only gave a small nod as he approached.

“I said I was coming.”

“I thought you were going to bail.” Ilya let out a quiet laugh. The answer came simply, without any teasing this time. He just seemed… genuinely happy that Shane had shown up.

Claire was already holding out a glass of soda toward Shane. “We ordered before because we figured you wouldn’t want alcohol.”

“Thank you.”

He took the glass, murmuring a quiet thanks, while Troy went back to talking with Harry and Svetlana about something. Rozanov was also pulled into their conversation a few seconds later.

Shane stayed near Louise and Claire, trying to get used to the volume of the music.

“…I’m just saying that he actually decided to put some effort into his appearance today.” Louise commented, taking a sip of her own drink while watching someone across the group.

Claire laughed. “As if he needed to.”

Shane followed their gaze almost without realizing it.

It was only then that he actually paid attention to Rozanov. Outside the hospital, he seemed like a completely different person. His blond curls escaped from underneath a worn black-and-white cap, letting a few strands fall over his forehead and near his ears. His short, well-groomed beard subtly defined his jawline. He was wearing a graphite long-sleeved shirt, fitted enough to highlight his broad shoulders and arms without looking tight, with a few buttons at the collar undone in a completely effortless way. The sleeves were pushed up to just below his elbows, revealing part of his forearms, and the warm bar lights made his blue eyes look even lighter as he laughed at something Troy had said.

…He was handsome.

Shane looked away almost immediately when he realized he had been staring.

Louise let out a small laugh. “See?”

Shane frowned. “…See what?”

“I’ve gone out with him before.” Claire answered immediately.

“So have I.” Louise replied without the slightest embarrassment. “And I can say I was pretty lucky.”

Shane took a sip of his soda, pretending to be extremely interested in his own drink. Claire continued as if it was her favorite topic.

“Besides being gorgeous, he’s strong as fuck.”

“And hot.” Louise added.

Shane breathed through his nose a little too deeply.

“…Do you usually talk about him like this in front of everyone?”

“People usually talk about him like this.” Claire shrugged. “It’s not exactly news.”

“And look…” Claire made a small toast with her glass. “He lives up to the reputation too.”

“It was one of the best fucks of my life.”

“Jesus. Yeah. Mine too.”

Shane almost choked on his soda.

The two of them continued talking with an impressive amount of naturalness.

“He always made it very clear that he never wanted anything serious.” Louise continued. “So nobody could complain afterward.”

“Yeah.” Claire nodded. She rolled her eyes, looking like she had plenty of experience with this subject. “Nobody ends up well when they go out with him looking for a relationship.”

“Now…” Louise laughed again. “If the expectation is just a good sex… The expectations will be met.”

Shane closed his eyes for a brief moment, muttering. “…I definitely didn’t need to know that.”

The two of them laughed. 

“Relax.” Claire replied. “We’re just talking.”

Shane let out a quiet sigh. Talking or not, he had discovered that he really didn’t like hearing other people talk about Rozanov that way. Not because it was any of his business, it definitely wasn’t, but because, for some reason he had no interest in understanding, the entire conversation had started bothering him much more than it should have.

So he finished his soda in a slightly bigger gulp and decided he would rather change the subject before he heard any more details about how well Rozanov fucked.

When he looked up again, he found Rozanov staring directly in their direction.

Rozanov kept his glass resting at chest height while talking to Troy, but his eyes remained fixed on the three of them. He frowned slightly when he noticed the two of them practically monopolizing the conversation with Hollander and, after saying something quick to Troy, stepped away from the group.

Shane raised an eyebrow at the sight of Rozanov walking toward them, but somehow it seemed better than continuing that conversation. Shane followed his approach.

“Can I steal him for a little bit?” Rozanov’s voice was slightly slurred, and his Russian accent sounded stronger. Shane was about to interrupt when—

Louise raised her eyes to Rozanov and shrugged. “What? We haven’t even started talking to him properly yet!”

“Thank God,” Shane muttered so quietly that he wasn’t even sure if anyone had heard him.

“You’re not going to attack me for stealing him away from you, are you? I’ll bring him back.” Rozanov winked at both of them with a smug smile, not even waiting for them to say anything before dragging Shane away with him.

“You survived them.”

Shane frowned slightly. “…They’re nice.”

“Yes. When they want to be.”

The two of them walked a few steps away from the rest of the group, just far enough to escape the two nurses’ conversation. The music was still loud, forcing them to stand relatively close to each other so they could talk without having to shout.

Rozanov rested one hand in his pants pocket while observing Shane for a moment.

“I thought they were going to monopolize your night.”

“It wasn’t really like that.”

“Wasn’t it?” Rozanov raised an eyebrow. “Because from where I was standing, it looked like you were enjoying the attention quite a lot.”

Shane widened his eyes and almost choked. “What? No—” The answer came out so quickly that it sounded more like desperation. He cleared his throat the next second. “I mean… I was just listening.”

“They were giving you a lot of attention.” Ilya raised an eyebrow, apparently amused by how quickly he denied it. “You know, Hollander, you can flirt with them outside the hospital. I know you’re all proper and—”

“No. It’s not really my…” He stopped himself before finishing the sentence. “…Anyway. No.”

Shane felt strange when he saw a wide smile immediately fighting its way onto Rozanov’s face, like he was some detective who had just discovered his best piece of information. Shane honestly wanted to hide his face somewhere fucking far away. 

“Oh. Alright. Got it.”

Shane was a little embarrassed that Rozanov had clearly understood something he had not intended to let show.

“Anyway…” Shane cleared his throat. “Forget it.”

“Sure.”

The silence that settled between them ended up being surprisingly comfortable. For the first time since they had left the hospital, they weren’t arguing or trading provocations.

Rozanov was the first one to break the silence. “Your soda is empty.”

Shane lowered his eyes to the empty cup he was still holding between his fingers and let out a small distracted “hm.”

“I’m going to get another drink.” Rozanov nodded toward the counter. “Want another soda?”

Shane shook his head. “No, thank you.”

“Are you sure?”

“I am.”

“Alright. I’ll be right back.”

Rozanov waited only for a small nod before crossing the bar toward the counter. Shane remained exactly where he was.

Without realizing it, he brought his hands together in front of his body, interlacing his fingers over one another as he remained standing there, his shoulders straight and his weight evenly distributed between both legs. The posture was far too rigid for someone waiting for a coworker to come back with a drink, but he didn’t even notice. He simply watched the movement of people around him distractedly, his eyes returning every now and then toward the direction of the counter.

Shane stood there waiting for long seconds in silence. He didn’t want to go back and talk to Louise and Claire and risk having those same conversations again… and he didn’t think he would fit enough into the others’ conversation either. He had no idea why the hell he was waiting for Rozanov, who was now taking forever.

After a few more minutes, Shane let out a quiet sigh. Maybe the line was long?

Thinking that, he decided to walk toward the counter. Not exactly because he was worried. He just wanted to let him know that he would probably leave soon. He made his way between a few people until he could see the bar area better.

He found Rozanov as soon as his eyes landed there. He already had a new full glass… and he wasn’t alone.

A woman was resting one of her elbows on the counter while talking to him. She was saying something with a smile, and Ilya answered with the same ease, tilting his head slightly to hear her better because of the loud music. At some point, she lightly touched his forearm while laughing, and Rozanov simply smiled back, completely at ease.

Shane watched for only a few seconds before looking away. In that moment, the only thing he could remember was the conversation between Louise and Claire about how Rozanov really was just a one-night kind of guy. Okay. It seemed like they were actually right about him, and that girl would be the chosen one to go home with him tonight.

He distractedly adjusted the strap of his bag over his shoulder and made his way back toward the group he had come to the bar with. Maybe it was already time to go home.

“Leaving already?”

Shane nodded. “I think so. It’s getting late.”

Louise quickly glanced at her phone to check the time and made a face.

“It hasn’t even been that long.”

“For you.” Shane replied with a small polite smile. “I usually go to bed early.”

“That explains a lot.” Troy commented from the other side, making Harry laugh.

Shane only shook his head, already used to that kind of comment.

“Well… thank you for the invitation.” He quickly looked at the small group. “It was nice.”

“You’re coming next time.” Claire replied as if it was already a decision that had been made.

Shane let out a small breath through his nose. He definitely wasn’t coming back anytime soon, but he didn’t need to tell her that now. “We’ll see.”

He said goodbye with a small nod and crossed the bar without looking back toward the counter again. He walked to his car with his hands in his pants pockets, unlocked the doors, and got inside. The engine started on the first turn of the key, but Shane remained still for a few seconds before leaving the parking spot.

He ended up remembering, against his own will, the conversation with Louise and Claire.

‘A good fuck.’

Shane made a small face to himself.

“…What a terrible topic.”

He shook his head to push those words out of his mind, put the car into gear, and left the parking lot.

Ilya only realized how much time had passed when the woman beside him finished laughing at something stupid and meaningless he had said. It wasn’t even that funny.

“You’re definitely not from here.” She commented, noticing the accent slipping through some of his words.

“Does it give it away that much?”

“A little.”

She smiled before pointing at the empty glass he was still holding. “Can I ask you something?” She tilted her head slightly, amused.

“Hmm?”

“Can you stop looking in that direction for five seconds?”

Ilya frowned. “What?”

“You’ve looked over there like… ten times already.” She discreetly pointed with her glass toward the other side of the bar, exactly where the rest of the group was gathered. “I promise I’m not going to run away.”

He blinked a few times before realizing that he really had been looking over there several times during their conversation.

“…Sorry.”

“It’s okay.” She smiled. “I just thought it was funny.”

Ilya ran a hand over the back of his neck, slightly embarrassed. “I think I might have gotten a little distracted.”

“Then maybe you should go back.”

“I will.”

He quickly looked at the empty glass she was holding and made a small gesture toward the counter.

“Before that… let me get you another drink.”

She raised her eyebrows. “Are you sure?”

“I am.”

Ilya ordered drinks for both of them and continued talking for a few more minutes while they waited. It wasn’t anything out of the ordinary. She was nice, beautiful, and knew how to keep a light conversation going, the kind of interaction that would normally hold his attention without much effort.

As soon as the drinks arrived, he handed one of them to her.

“Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.”

She still commented on something else before being called over by a group of friends on the other side of the bar. She said goodbye with a quick kiss on his cheek and disappeared into the crowd.

Only then did Ilya remember why he had gone to the counter in the first place.

“Blyat…” He grabbed his own glass and walked back toward the group, automatically looking for Hollander. Ilya thought it would be easy to find someone who looked like it was his first time at a bar.

But he couldn’t find him anywhere. He frowned and searched again among the people around them before stopping beside Claire.

“Where’s Hollander?”

Claire looked up at him. “He left.”

Ilya blinked. “Left?”

“Yep.” Louise answered casually. “A few minutes ago.”

He stared at the two of them for a moment, trying to understand when exactly that had happened.

“Did he say anything?”

“The same things anyone says when they leave. Duh.” Claire took a sip of her drink. “That it was getting late, thanked us for the invitation… that’s it.”

Ilya’s eyes automatically drifted toward the bar entrance. He stared at the door as if Hollander could still appear at any moment, saying he had only gone to answer a call or grab something from the car. But the door kept opening only for strangers coming in and leaving.

He let out a quiet sigh, running a hand over his short beard. “…Damn.”

It wasn’t like Hollander had left because of him. They barely knew each other. He didn’t owe him any explanation and, honestly, maybe he had simply gotten tired of the bar. The place seemed too loud for him, and Ilya had noticed that since he arrived.

Even so… he had been the one who insisted Hollander show up, and Ilya was also the one who practically dragged him away from them, and he had been the one who left Hollander waiting, saying he would be right back.

And in the end, he left Hollander alone on his first time going out with the pediatrics team.

Ilya shook his head, deeply bothered by his own conclusion.

“Idiot.”

Claire raised an eyebrow. “Talking to me?”

“No.” He answered almost automatically, bringing the glass to his lips without actually drinking.

Maybe Hollander had already been wanting to leave from the beginning and that woman had just appeared at the worst possible moment. Maybe it hadn’t made any difference at all!

Okay. It was better to think that way.

While the rest of the group went back to talking and the music continued filling the bar, Ilya gave one last distracted glance toward the door before giving up on looking for a face that was no longer there.

Maybe at the hospital, on Monday, he would see Hollander again and do a better job than he had done tonight.

Chapter End Notes

Ilya has one brain cell. that’s all. i feel so bad for shanebug.

u can find me on twitter
kudos and comments are more than welcome!! i really love read them

Chapter 3: i was thinking just one time.

Chapter Notes

THIRD CHAPTER. and now that i think about i wish i had written more… maybe if…

A week was enough for the routine in pediatrics to stop feeling completely unfamiliar.

Shane no longer had to stop and think about where each material was kept, nor ask which room would be used for a certain procedure. He learned the names of most of the children who had been hospitalized for longer periods and memorized a good portion of the staff.

The bad part was that he was still mysteriously receiving small notes on the papers he left scattered around during his shifts, always accompanied by ridiculously terrible drawings that seemed to portray him in some way. He had never seen who left them and, no matter how attentive he tried to be throughout the week, he always ended up finding the paper after the person had already disappeared.

Well, if before he thought the person behind it was doing it to make fun of him, that idea had changed a little when the notes turned into some kind of ridiculous and poorly disguised flirting. Which only made Shane even more curious.

He was not enjoying it or catching himself smiling whenever he saw an idiot note. No. Of course not. That only happened five times. And the week had seven days!

Either way, that early morning finding out who was responsible for the notes was the least of his problems now. The entire hospital seemed to have decided to get sick at the same time.

The hallways were more crowded than Shane had seen since arriving in pediatrics. Stretchers crossed from one side to the other, phones never stopped ringing, and practically every professional walked quickly between one patient and another. Hours ago, he had already lost any sense of time. He had participated in enough procedures to feel his shoulders growing heavy and was starting to believe that shift would never end.

As soon as he left another operating room, he removed his mask while walking toward the nursing station. Still adjusting the sleeves of his lab coat when he heard one of the reception nurses speaking on the phone in a rushed tone.

“Hi, sorry for calling at this hour… there was an overload in pediatrics. Would you be able to come help? Even if it’s only for a few hours?”

She remained silent for a few seconds, listening to the response on the other end of the line, before letting out a quiet sigh.

“Alright. I understand. Thank you anyway.”

As soon as she hung up, she took a deep breath and immediately dialed another number.

Shane walked past her just to pick up a few charts, but the conversation ended up reaching him unintentionally.

“Sorry to bother you again…” The nurse rested one elbow on the counter while waiting for someone to answer. “Would you be available to cover a shift? We really need more people.”

This time, the call seemed to last a little longer. In the end, she thanked them again and ended the call with a small relieved smile.

The other nurse organizing some files beside her looked up. “Did you find someone?”

“I got someone.” She answered while leaving the phone on the counter. “Rozanov said he’s coming.”

“Wasn’t he off today?”

“He was.” She laughed through her nose while going back to sorting some documents. “Apparently I had the bad luck of calling right in the middle of his day off.”

“Did I interrupt something?”

“Judging by his tone of voice?” She gave an amused smile before answering. “I think so.”

The other nurse raised an eyebrow, curious. “What happened?”

“I only heard him say ‘give me five minutes’ to someone before coming back to the phone.” She shrugged. “He said he was coming by motorcycle because it was faster.”

The two exchanged a look that said much more than any comment could.

“Poor thing.”

Shane’s ears practically grew in size trying to listen to the conversation. He would scold himself for it later, but right now… Rozanov was coming?

And he had interrupted his day off, which apparently he had been spending with someone else, just to come to the hospital.

He discreetly rolled his eyes at himself while organizing the charts in his arms. That was definitely none of his business. Rozanov could be interrupting a date, a dinner, or anything else. It made no difference to Shane, as long as he arrived soon to help with the shift.

He returned his attention to work and spent the next few minutes walking back and forth between the rooms. The movement remained intense, new patients kept arriving nonstop, and it felt like every time a stretcher left the hallway, another one took up that exact same space.

When he finally managed to return to the nursing station to get another chart, a familiar engine sound echoed outside the staff entrance.

Through the glass door, Shane saw a black motorcycle come to a sudden stop in the parking spot closest to the entrance. The rider turned off the engine before even placing his feet on the ground and removed his helmet with a quick movement.

The blond curls, completely flattened by the helmet, fell messily over Rozanov’s forehead. He ran a hand through the strands in a clearly useless attempt to put them back in place. He was wearing a dark leather jacket over a black shirt and still looked slightly out of breath.

As soon as he walked through the automatic doors of pediatrics, he didn’t even have time to properly put his helmet away before the receptionist nurse approached him.

“Thank you for coming.”

“No problem.” Ilya answered between breaths while fastening the helmet strap. “How’s the situation?”

“Chaotic.”

“Alright. We’ll handle it.”

She immediately began explaining which patients had just arrived and which areas needed more support. Rozanov listened while already walking down the hallway, barely slowing his pace.

Shane watched the scene for only a moment before returning to his own papers. Even so, he couldn’t help noticing a completely irrelevant detail. The collar of Rozanov’s shirt was slightly crooked, as if it had been pulled on in a hurry before he left home, and there was a reddish mark starting to appear discreetly on the side of his neck, partially hidden by his short beard.

Shane looked away immediately. …It really wasn’t any of his business.

“Rozanov.” A doctor called him before he even reached the nursing station. “As soon as you can, we need you in room three.”

“I’m going.” He answered without hesitation, throwing his jacket over an empty chair while finishing sanitizing his hands. Only then did his eyes meet Shane’s from across the hallway for a brief second.

“Hi, Dr. Hollander.”

“Hi.”

That was all they said to each other for the next two hours. Ilya was already used to shifts like this and last-minute changes, so it wasn’t exactly the crowded hospital that was bothering him.

The third attempt at going out with someone after a work shift had seemed like a much better idea when he had planned it. After spending most of his time in pediatrics for days, seeing Hollander every day and finding new ways to leave little notes scattered along his path, Ilya decided that maybe the solution was simply keeping his mind occupied with something else.

He had always preferred nothing serious and keeping one-night stands with anyone who caught his attention, but that had slowly started to lose its appeal, and it was pissing him off. And the only thing that annoyed him more than that was Hollander being slow enough to still not have seen a single one of his fucking notes.

Everything was going wrong. That night, he had gone out on a date that was supposed to last a few more hours. A chance to remind himself that there were other things happening besides an extremely serious Canadian anesthesiologist who seemed incapable of reacting to anything.

But then the phone rang, and now he was there, on his motorcycle, in the middle of the night, after abandoning yet another date.

Ilya felt a little ridiculous, not because of the hospital. He genuinely loved working and knew they needed the help. What was ridiculous was how pathetically he was struggling to figure out the hardest person he had ever met: Hollander.

During that entire week, he had been leaving notes. And… okay, fine, he had never identified himself, but Hollander had not even reacted to a single one of them, which probably meant he had not even seen them.

The idea had seemed a lot more fun in the beginning. Leaving Shane curious. Making him try to figure out who was behind it. Seeing if he would realize it on his own.

Which had been a terrible idea the second he decided to leave stupid flirty messages on the notes and became even more frustrated by the lack of reactions. This had already gone too far. If he couldn’t fuck and pretend that this stupid thing wasn’t frustrating him, then he would somehow be more direct and make sure Hollander actually saw it.

A little over an hour later, the intense movement in pediatrics finally started to slow down.

Ilya had taken advantage of the moment when things became more organized to help in another part of the ward. The rain that had started outside a few hours earlier had grown stronger, hitting against the hospital windows and creating that constant sound that usually helped some children fall asleep.

Usually… but that night it seemed to have the opposite effect. Some of them were restless, scared by the thunder or simply unable to fall back asleep after all the movement from the early morning. So, when he realized some children were awake in the ward, Ilya ended up going to the playroom with them for a few minutes.

He had always liked spending his time with them. Not because he was an incredibly sweet person or because he had some secret talent for dealing with children, like some people insisted on saying. In fact, Ilya still found it funny that everyone believed he was naturally good with them, considering that outside of there, half the hospital would probably say he was unbearable and rude.

Ilya liked children because they never expected him to be anything other than what he was.

Sitting on the floor of the playroom, with his legs crossed in front of one of the small tables, Ilya helped some of them with their drawings. Beside him, Julie, a little girl, held a colored pencil while finishing the drawing of a cat.

Ilya watched for a few seconds as she added the final details to the animal’s face, especially the tilted eyebrows and the small mouth curved downward.

He let out a loud, pleased laugh when he saw the resemblance between the cat and… “This cat looks like Hollander.”

Julie lifted her eyes for a moment, slightly wide as she stared at the door. But before she could answer, Ilya noticed someone standing near the entrance of the playroom.

Hollander was standing a few steps away, probably waiting for a moment to talk to him, but he had arrived at the exact worst possible time for that comparison.

He honestly didn’t care. Ilya had to hold back a smile before looking back at the drawing.

Shane approached slowly, curious despite trying to hide it. “What?”

Ilya pointed at the drawing on the table. “The cat.”

Shane looked at the paper and then back at him, clearly trying to understand the comparison.

“Why?”

“Because he looks angry.”

For a few seconds, Hollander only stared at the drawing. Ilya watched every tiny expression on his face change with each passing second into something more irritated, which made Ilya hold back a laugh because now Hollander’s face was only proving his point. He looked exactly like the drawing.

The furrowed eyebrows, the slightly pressed lips, and that look Ilya had learned meant he wanted to curse him but couldn’t because he was in front of the children.

Ilya had to bite the inside of his cheek to keep from laughing.

The problem was that Shane didn’t seem to realize how much that reaction made the comparison even more convincing. “You can’t say that to the children! You— you can’t just go around saying that I look angry!”

Ilya had to look away for a few seconds so he wouldn’t give away the laugh he was trying to hold back.

“Relax, it was just a joke.” Ilya replied, still with a smile tugging at the corner of his mouth.

Julie continued staring at the two of them, clearly more interested in the argument than her own drawing at that moment. “But he really does look angry.” The girl suddenly commented, looking back at the paper.

Shane looked at Julie, then at the drawing, and finally at Ilya.

“Rozanov! Are you seeing this? She just agreed with you.”

“Yes.”

The little boy on the other end of the table didn’t seem to be paying any attention to the conversation either, too focused on drawing something, but he kept glancing at both of them.

The quick answer made Hollander narrow his eyes. “You are such a fucking—” He cut himself off immediately.

“What a dirty mouth, Hollander.” Ilya opened a wide smile, slowly noticing that in a few more seconds Hollander was going to be red, whether from anger or embarrassment.

Hollander was already glaring at him with a murderous look, ready to say another series of words that absolutely should not be said, but then the boy who had been silently drawing throughout the entire discussion lifted the sheet of paper above the table.

“Mr. Rozanov!” He called, waving the drawing to get his attention. “I’m finished!”

“Let me see.” Ilya reached out almost automatically and took the paper.

The smile that had still been on his face disappeared instantly. The little boy managed to leave him completely silent in the same second.

He had drawn Hollander wearing his white coat, with a grumpy expression and a small red mark beside his head to show that he was angry. Beside him, Ilya had been drawn looking directly at the Hollander, surrounded by flowers, with two huge hearts where his eyes should be.

Jesus Christ. Ilya felt his face heat up almost immediately.

“…”

He cleared his throat and lowered the paper a few inches, as if he could stop anyone else from seeing it.

“Do you like it?” the boy asked proudly.

Ilya opened his mouth to answer, but no sound came out. It took him a few seconds to clear his throat discreetly, searching for any response that sounded natural.

“I…” Ilya ran a hand through the back of his neck, looking for any answer that sounded normal.

“I like it. It’s… very beautiful.”

Hollander narrowed his eyes when he noticed the sudden change in his behavior.

“What is it?” Hollander took another step to the side, trying to see the drawing that Ilya was now holding a little closer to his chest.

“What are you hiding? Show me.”

Before Ilya could think of an excuse, Hollander grabbed one of the corners of the paper and lowered the drawing enough to see it. He stared at the page for a few seconds, his throat catching with a small clearing of his throat before he ended up coughing lightly, looking away toward anywhere else in the playroom before returning his gaze to the paper.

Neither of them seemed willing to look at the other. The silence lasted long enough for the boy to start thinking that maybe he had done something wrong.

“I drew you two.” The boy explained with complete naturalness. “Because you’re always together.”

Ilya wanted to disappear, and Hollander wasn’t far from wanting the same thing.

The two of them remained in an awkward silence, each pretending to be very interested in anything that wasn’t the other person.

Julie leaned forward to get a better look at the drawing and smiled. “I really like it.”

The boy smiled immediately. “Really?”

“It looks a lot like them.” She nodded, completely proud of the drawing.

The little boy smiled even wider at the compliment and pointed at the drawing again.

“Are you two together?”

They both looked up at the same time. “What?” Their voices came out almost at the exact same moment.

The boy frowned, as if the answer was obvious. “Like….” Julie decided to explain it better. “Like my mommy and daddy!”

Shane felt his face heat up immediately. First his ears, then his cheeks, and by the time he realized it, he was already completely red, looking exactly like a tomato. He opened his mouth to answer, but no words seemed to make sense while he was burning with embarrassment.

Ilya let out a short laugh through his nose, completely overwhelmed by nervousness. He ran a hand through the back of his neck again and shook his head quickly.

“No, no.” He answered far too quickly. “It’s not that. We’re not… I mean…” The words started tripping over each other before he could even organize his thoughts. “We work together. Together as in… work. Not together, together.”

He closed his eyes for a second, realizing he had somehow made everything worse.

“We’re colleagues.” He tried again. “Work colleagues. That’s all. We’re working together, not… together.”

Hollander finally seemed to recover his voice, although it still came out slightly strained.

“Exactly.”

Ilya nodded far too quickly, desperate to end the subject. “That’s it.” He pointed at the two children, forcing a smile that definitely did not look natural. “The drawings turned out amazing. Seriously, you two draw really well.”

“But…” Ilya cleared his throat once again. “I need to go to the bathroom. I’ll be right back.”

Before anyone could answer, he basically fled the playroom. He only slowed down once he entered the hallway, taking a deep breath as if he had just walked out of an eight-hour surgery instead of a conversation with two six-year-old children.

Ilya pushed open the staff bathroom door reserved for the nursing wing and walked in on autopilot. As soon as the door closed behind him, he placed both hands on the edge of the sink and lowered his head for a moment.

“My God…” He lifted his eyes until he found his own reflection in the mirror. “Fuck.” What the hell had he gotten himself into?

Looking at it from that angle, all of it seemed ridiculously avoidable. All he had to do was mind his own fucking business instead of creating something that had only turned into a snowball that was now about to come crashing down and crush him into the ground!

And at some point that he honestly couldn’t even identify anymore, he had thought it was an excellent idea to start writing little flirty comments in the middle of his teasing.

Hollander was attractive. Very attractive, actually. Ilya had gone out with other people from the hospital before. It had never been a complicated thing, so why would it be now?

Of course the fucking Shane Hollander would be different. It was pathetic how Ilya was writing notes for someone who wasn’t even reading them and creating feelings around something that was nowhere close to happening. Everything that was supposed to be fun was starting to drive him insane much more than he wanted to admit.

Ilya let out a long sigh and leaned even more of his weight against the sink. “Congratulations, Rozanov.” He shook his head, staring at his own reflection.

Well, now he had two options: Either he fucked half of Montreal until he forgot about the stupid thing he had created… Or he made sure Hollander definitely saw one of his notes.

Neither of them seemed particularly smart. 

Fuck it. Whatever.

Ilya stared at his reflection for a moment before turning on the faucet and splashing some cold water onto his face. Maybe he was exaggerating? No, he was definitely just exhausted after an entire night of running from one place to another.

He took another deep breath, dried his face with a paper towel, and pushed all that confusion into the back of his mind.

When he left the bathroom, the hallway was already much quieter than it had been a few hours before. The rain had stopped at some point while he was inside, and through the ward windows, he could only see the wet asphalt reflecting the parking lot lights. Ilya lifted his wrist and checked the time. There were only a few minutes left until the end of the overnight shift.

When he passed by the playroom again, he ended up slowing his pace. Hollander was still there. Most of the children had already gone back to their rooms, and the room was almost empty. There was only one little boy left, settled into one of the wide armchairs near the window, completely asleep.

Hollander didn’t seem very far from that either. Sitting beside the child, he kept his head slightly tilted until it rested against the boy’s small shoulder. His eyes remained closed, his breathing was slow, and the exhaustion written across his face made him look so gentle… Ilya stayed standing at the doorway for a few moments.

A small smile appeared on his face before he even realized it. That was, by far, the most adorable image of Hollander he had ever seen.

Ilya shook his head, amused with himself, and stepped into the playroom while trying to make as little noise as possible.

Ilya crouched down beside the little boy, carefully placing one hand on his shoulder. Then he moved the other toward the sleeve of Hollander’s coat.

“Hey…” he called softly.

With no reaction, Ilya ridiculously softened with a smile.

“Shane.” He whispered, almost not wanting Hollander to hear.

Which seemed to be exactly what happened, since he only responded by moving much later, slowly opening his eyes, blinking a few times, and straightening his posture almost immediately when he realized he had fallen asleep.

“I…” His voice came out rough with sleep. “Damn.”

“It happens.” Ilya replied quietly, making sure not to wake the boy. “I think you two decided to take a nap at the same time.”

Shane looked at the child, who was still deeply asleep, and ran a hand over his face in a useless attempt to chase away the exhaustion.

“I only closed my eyes for a minute.”

“Sure.”

Ilya had to hold back a smile before leaning down and carefully picking the boy up. The child only mumbled softly, settling his head against Ilya’s shoulder without even properly waking up.

“I’ll take him back to his room.”

Hollander only nodded, still trying to fully wake up.

A few minutes later, when Ilya returned to the hallway, he found Hollander waiting for him while finishing putting some papers away in his folder.

“Your shift is over?”

Shane confirmed with a small nod. “Yours too?”

“Ended five minutes ago.”

The two of them started walking together down the hallway toward the changing rooms, following the movement of the shift change. Ilya glanced quickly at Hollander. He walked slowly, blinking more than usual and holding back a yawn he was trying to hide.

“Did you drive here?”

“Yeah.”

“Then forget it.”

Shane turned his head, confused. “What?”

“Driving.”

“I can drive.”

Ilya raised an eyebrow. “Hollander, you fell asleep on a child’s shoulder.”

“I— I just took a nap. I can still drive.”

“Hollander.” Ilya crossed his arms while continuing to walk. “You can barely keep your eyes open.”

Shane let out a low groan, clearly annoyed. “I live nearby.”

“Great.” Ilya replied without slowing down. “Then I’ll take you there and go back home.”

“Rozanov…”

“I’m not asking.”

Hollander let out a tired sigh. “Ugh. Fine.”

Ilya smiled discreetly, satisfied that he had won that argument for the first time since meeting Hollander.

A few minutes later, already changed and wearing their own clothes, Ilya opened one of the metal lockers belonging to the nursing staff and took out a black helmet that had been stored on the top shelf.

Hollander watched the object for a few seconds before raising an eyebrow. “You carry a spare helmet around?”

“You never know when I’ll need to convince someone to accept a ride.” Ilya replied while checking the clasp.

The two of them walked down the hallway toward the staff exit. The early morning air was cold after the rain, and the parking lot was still shining because of the water spread across the asphalt. The black motorcycle remained exactly where Ilya had left it hours earlier.

It was only when he unlocked the bike that he noticed Hollander standing completely still beside him.

“What?”

Shane remained looking at the motorcycle for a few seconds before answering.

“I’ve never been on a motorcycle.”

Ilya blinked, surprised. “Never?”

Hollander shook his head. “I thought that was important information to mention beforehand.”

A smile escaped Ilya’s lips. “It’ll be fine.” He handed the spare helmet to Hollander. “It’s easier than it looks, and the ride is short. You won’t even notice when we get there.”

Hollander watched the helmet for a moment before putting it on, still looking a little suspicious. While he adjusted the strap under his chin, Ilya took his own phone out of his pocket and held it out toward him.

“Put your address in.”

Hollander typed silently and handed the phone back.

Ilya quickly checked the route, put the phone away again, and got on the motorcycle. “Get on.”

Hollander took a deep breath first. He still looked nervous, which only made Ilya’s stupid brain find it endearing.

As soon as he settled into the back seat, he stayed completely still for a few seconds, not seeming entirely sure what he was supposed to do with his hands.

Ilya looked over his shoulder.

“You can hold onto me. It’s better.”

Shane hesitated for a moment before obeying. His hands carefully wrapped around Ilya’s waist, uncertainly, barely touching at first, until he realized that kind of support was actually necessary.

“Like this?”

Ilya nodded. “Perfect.”

He started the motorcycle and left the hospital parking lot at a low speed. The streets were still practically empty in those early morning hours.

A few minutes later, Ilya noticed an unusual weight against his back. He looked at the rearview mirror and smiled faintly. Still holding onto his waist, Hollander had completely relaxed his posture and rested the side of his helmet between Ilya’s shoulder blades. Ilya was sure that if the ride had been a little longer, Hollander would have fallen asleep again.

Ilya slowed down out of habit as he passed over a speed bump, taking extra care so the movement wouldn’t wake him up. It didn’t make sense, but that simple trust made his chest warm in a way he hadn’t expected.

A little over fifteen minutes later, the motorcycle turned onto the street indicated by the GPS and slowed down until it came to a stop in front of a house. Ilya turned off the engine but remained still for a few seconds.

Hollander hadn’t moved since he rested his head against Ilya’s back.

He turned his head slightly over his shoulder, confirming his suspicion. He was still leaning against his back, his arms loosely wrapped around Ilya’s waist, completely surrendered to exhaustion.

A small smile escaped before Ilya even realized it. “Hollander…” he called softly.

Hollander mumbled something completely unintelligible before finally lifting his head. He blinked a few times, clearly trying to understand where he was, until his eyes landed on his own house.

“We’re here.” Ilya said, taking off his helmet. “Do you need help getting inside too?”

Shane let out a quiet yawn and took a few seconds to let go of Ilya’s waist.

“I can do it myself.” His voice was still heavy with sleep.

He carefully got off the motorcycle, removed the helmet, and handed it back.

“Thank you for the ride.”

“You’re welcome.” Ilya replied while securing the spare helmet back onto the motorcycle. “Take advantage of the fact that no one has to go back to the hospital today and sleep for the rest of the day.”

Shane let out a noise that was probably an agreement.

“You too.”

Ilya smiled. “I’ll see you… the day after tomorrow.”

Hollander nodded slowly.

“See you the day after tomorrow.”

Still half-asleep, he turned around and walked toward the front door. It took him two attempts to get the key into the lock, then he stepped inside without looking back and disappeared into the house.

Ilya waited until the door closed before starting the motorcycle again. The ride back to his apartment was much faster.

The sky was already starting to brighten when he parked in the building’s garage. Orange tones appeared behind the buildings, showing that the day was beginning when all he wanted was to pretend that night had never happened. Well, only some parts of it.

As soon as he entered the apartment, he dropped his bag near the door, kicked off his shoes along the way, and threw himself onto the bed on his back, still fully dressed.

Now sleeping seemed like the ideal thing to do, and usually that was exactly what he would have done, but he was doing the exact opposite right now.

He took his phone out of his pocket, unlocked the screen, and pressed the video call button in the group chat he shared with Troy and Svetlana.

The phone did not even ring three times before the camera was answered.

Troy appeared first on the screen, still with messy hair and a coffee mug in his hand. The image shook for a few seconds until Svetlana entered the frame from the other side, still finishing tying her hair up.

“Good morning…” Troy mumbled with his voice still heavy with sleep. “Or whatever time it is.”

Ilya didn’t even wait for the two of them to fully wake up.

“I’ve made a decision.”

Troy and Svetlana exchanged a silent look.

“This never starts well.” Svetlana muttered.

“I’m going to stop sleeping with everyone.”

The silence on the other side of the call lasted exactly two seconds.

Troy blinked a few times.

“You called us at six-something in the morning… to announce that?”

“Because it’s not working.” Ilya replied, completely serious as he sank further into the pillow. “I thought sleeping with more and more people and going out with more and more people would fix it, but it absolutely didn’t.”

Troy brought the mug to his lips. “You’re talking about Hollander again, aren’t you?”

“Dude…” Svetlana sighed. “You woke us up to talk about him again.”

“Because now I have a plan.”

“I hate when you say that.”

“Up until now, Hollander hasn’t seen any of my notes.” Ilya continued, completely ignoring the comment. “So obviously I need to change my strategy!”

“Obviously.” Svetlana repeated, crossing her arms.

“I’m going to make it clearer that it’s me.”

Troy raised an eyebrow. “Clearer how?”

“I don’t know yet.” Ilya answered without hesitation. “But I’m going to put the notes somewhere impossible for him not to see. Somewhere he’ll have to pick up. Something that will finally make him realize.”

Troy stared at the screen for a few seconds before starting to laugh.

“Are you hearing yourself right now?”

“Unfortunately.”

“You sound like an idiot planning how to talk to the person you like in high school.”

Ilya made a face.

“It’s not the same thing.”

“Sounds pretty much the same to me.” Svetlana replied, laughing as well. “The only difference is that, thankfully, both of you have degrees.”

Troy shook his head, completely disbelieving.

“What did Shane Hollander do to you?”

Ilya frowned.

“Nothing.”

“That’s the problem.” Troy answered immediately. “He didn’t do absolutely anything and you’re acting like this, idiot.”

“Go to hell.” Ilya replied, grabbing a pillow and throwing it against the headboard.

The two of them burst into laughter on the other side of the call.

“Laugh all you want!” Ilya grumbled. “When Hollander finally realizes the notes are mine, you’ll see that I was right.”

Troy had to wipe away a tear from laughing so hard.

“I don’t know what’s going to happen first.” He said between laughs. “Shane finding out the notes are yours… or you finally admitting you started liking him because of this whole thing you have going on.”

As if Ilya was suddenly filled with even more terrible ideas, his eyes widened and he jumped up so quickly he almost dropped his phone off the bed.

“Wait.”

“No.” Troy answered immediately, without even knowing what was happening, but knowing him well enough to complain anyway.

But Ilya had already crossed the room. The call image shook completely as he opened one of the desk drawers, threw a pile of papers aside, and finally came back with a notebook and a pen.

“Done.” He threw himself back onto the bed and rested the notebook over his legs. “You’re going to help me.”

Svetlana let out a tired sigh. “Why the hell do you need help with drawings?”

Ilya ignored the comment and started scribbling something on the page. First, he wrote a sentence, drew a heart, and made an arrow pointing toward it, then immediately gave up. A few seconds later, he had already filled half the page with random scribbles until he decided to draw an obscene figure accompanied by a phrase that, in his head, seemed funny enough to finally get Hollander’s attention.

Proud of his own work, he held the page up toward the camera.

“What about this? Is it good?”

Troy went completely silent for a few seconds, staring at the drawing with an expression of absolute horror. Svetlana had to cover her mouth with her hand because her first reaction was to laugh, but the laugh died before it even escaped.

“Jesus Christ.” Troy finally managed to say. “No.”

“But why?” Ilya asked, genuinely confused. “It’s impossible for him to ignore that.”

“That’s exactly the problem!” Svetlana replied, pointing at the screen. “Have you completely lost your mind?”

Ilya made a face, turned the paper over to the blank side, and started drawing something else.

“Okay, maybe that one was a little too much…”

Troy’s eyes widened. “A little?”

“So what am I supposed to do?”

Troy looked at Svetlana, and the two of them broke into the exact same smile. The one Ilya knew very well, and that usually meant the worst possible ideas.

“Buy a billboard.” Troy replied.

“In front of the hospital.” Svetlana added.

“Write ‘Dr. Hollander, please read my notes, I need your attention. Or your ass. I’ll take either one.’”

“How about a PowerPoint presentation explaining why you desperately need his attention and look like a dog that got abandoned on the street?”

“Oh. Better! You can hack into the hospital system and put a picture of yourself on every computer.” Svetlana said, her voice shaking from trying to hold back her laughter, completely sarcastic.

Ilya stared at the two of them for a few seconds, completely expressionless.

“You two are complete idiots.”

Troy shrugged, still laughing. “You asked.”

Without saying anything else, Ilya pressed the red button on the call and hung up on both of them.

Ilya stared at his phone screen for a few more seconds before simply throwing it onto the bed. Asking Troy and Svetlana for advice had never been a good idea. Luckily, he had an entire day off ahead of him before returning to the hospital. Enough time to think of a minimally intelligent way to finally make Hollander notice the notes he had been leaving all week.

Because, one way or another, he would make Shane realize there was someone behind those ridiculous drawings, the teasing, and the flirting that, apparently, continued to be completely ignored.

Ilya closed his eyes with a small smile appearing at the corner of his mouth.

He just still had absolutely no idea how he was going to do it. But figuring that out… was tomorrow’s Ilya’s problem.

Chapter End Notes

the kids’ drawings were literally the beginning of everything, i confess. 🙂‍↕️ i owe them everything.

 
annnndddd u can find me on u can find me on twitter or leave kudos and comments here. :3

Chapter 4: is it FINALLY over now?

Chapter Notes

i have nothing to declare for what you are about to see. forgive me. please.

Shane’s day off had gone by much faster than he would have liked. On the morning of his next shift, before heading to work, he made a quick stop at the café he usually visited a few blocks from the hospital. He picked up a large coffee and a paper bag with a sandwich to eat between cases.

Things were still quiet in Pediatrics when he walked through the staff entrance. Shane greeted a few people with a small nod before heading over to the reception desk to drop off his things.

He set his coffee and the paper bag down on the counter while placing his backpack beside them. He was just pulling his ID badge out of his pocket when a small piece of paper caught his attention.

…Another note.

Shane glanced around out of pure reflex before picking up the sheet between his fingers.

At least whoever was behind it was still fully committed to their complete lack of common sense. The moment he turned the paper over, his brain completely short-circuited.

“…Jesus Christ.”

The drawings covered the entire page. Without a doubt, it was the worst idea anyone had ever put on paper inside a hospital.

Shane choked on his own breath. Heat rushed up his neck so quickly that, before he even realized it, his ears were already bright red. His eyes went wide. He quickly looked around to make sure no one else had seen it, then instinctively flipped the page facedown.

“What the fuck,” he muttered again, running a hand over his face.

“What?”

The voice behind him came so suddenly that Shane jumped.

“Fuck!”

He spun around abruptly, pressing the note against his chest. The scare made Rose stop in her tracks, one hand flying to her heart.

“Shane! I just…”

She cut herself off when the sheet slipped a few inches from his grasp.

Rose’s eyes landed directly on the drawing.

“…Oh my God. Who the hell did that?”

No. No, no, no.

Rose’s eyes widened, and she brought a hand to her mouth, her gaze darting back and forth between the note and Shane.

Then she burst out laughing. “Oh my God, Shane!” she said, her voice trembling with laughter, still in complete shock. “What the hell is this?”

Shane felt his face grow even hotter. If it were humanly possible to die of embarrassment, he had just found out how. He grabbed the note awkwardly, trying to hide it before anyone else happened to walk by.

“I have no idea,” he answered much too quickly, completely flustered.

“Was it the same person who left the others?”

“I think so.” He replied. “The drawings are pretty much the same style and… honestly, I doubt there’s more than one person in this hospital willing to waste their time making something like this.”

Rose nodded slowly, studying the note again. “Have you told anyone else about these notes besides me?”

“No.”

“No one?”

“No one.”

Rose crossed her arms and tilted her head, thinking. 

“Then I’m even more curious than you are.”

Shane made a face. “This is definitely not a competition.”

“Well…” She shrugged, a smile beginning to spread across her face. “What if it’s one of the nurses? Or one of the doctors?”

Shane raised an eyebrow. “Rose.”

“Or some ridiculously hot guy at this hospital who decided to fall for you.” Her smile only grew wider. “Come on, Shane. You needed to get out more. Maybe this secret admirer will solve two problems at once.”

Shane closed his eyes for a second, already out of patience. “Shut up.”

Rose burst into laughter.

“I’m serious!” she continued, still laughing while he shoved the note into his folder almost angrily, not wanting to risk anyone besides her finding it.

Still, he couldn’t deny that Rose had a point. For months, his routine had consisted of the hospital, his apartment, and, every now and then, a visit to his parents whenever he managed to find some free time. Lately, he barely had time to get enough sleep, let alone think about dating someone.

Shane really needed a good fuck.

“Okay, let’s think.” She rested her elbows on the counter, already completely invested in the investigation she had invented in her own head. “Who do you think it could be? One of the residents?”

“No.”

“A surgeon?”

“No."

“One of the nurses?”

Shane shrugged. “No idea.”

“Troy?”

“I doubt it.”

Rose wore a thoughtful expression before snapping her fingers.

“What about Rozanov?”

Shane let out a quiet laugh through his nose and shook his head.

“No.”

“You’re sure?”

“I am.”

“Why?”

“Because during my last shift I found out he was with some girl before he came to the hospital.”

Rose frowned immediately. “Wait… he came in on his day off the other night?”

Shane nodded. “He did.”

“But wasn’t he off that day?”

“He was.” Shane replied as he tucked the note back into his folder. “Pediatrics got completely overwhelmed in the middle of the night, so they started calling people who were off to ask for help. He ended up coming in.”

Rose looked genuinely surprised.

“I didn’t even hear about that.”

“It was pretty chaotic.”

She kept looking at Shane for a few seconds before asking,

“And how do you know he was with a girl?”

"I overheard two nurses talking about it while they were calling him.”

“I see.” 

Shane simply nodded. “Actually…” He continued, almost without thinking. “He gave me a ride home after the shift.”

Rose slowly raised an eyebrow, and Shane knew that look well enough to already hate where it was going.

“What?”

“I told you he was hot.”

Shane let out a tired sigh. “Don’t start.”

“He gave you a ride, you spent the whole shift together…”

“Because I was too sleepy to drive.”

“Even so.” She shrugged. “You could give him a chance.”

Shane let out a disbelieving laugh. “No.”

“Why?”

“Because I already know enough about Rozanov not to want anything beyond getting along with him.”

Rose raised an eyebrow. “Not even a friendship?”

Shane thought for a moment before answering. “A friendship, maybe.” He shrugged. “That’s basically what we have now.”

Rose made a face that made it painfully obvious she didn’t believe a single word of that. “Fine.” she said at last. “Since you really have no idea who’s leaving these notes… We’re going to find out.”

Shane let out a short laugh. “We?”

“Yes.” She answered with complete conviction. “We’re keeping an eye out today. Sooner or later, whoever’s doing this is going to show up. And when they do, I’ll find out who’s behind these notes.

. . .

The lunch rush had been over for a while, and Ilya was still slumped in a chair in the nurses’ lounge next to Troy and Svetlana, staring into space in complete frustration.

“It didn’t work. Again!” He was pretty sure it was the fourth time he’d said that in the last few minutes.

Troy didn’t even look up from the chart he was filling out. “What didn’t work this time?”

“Hollander didn’t see my fucking note.”

Svetlana let out a quiet laugh before he could continue. 

“Why don’t you just talk to him instead of acting like this?”

Ilya tipped his head back dramatically. “Because I want him to figure out it’s me! I didn’t spend all that time making those notes for nothing.”

“Okay.” Troy gestured with his hand. “What did you draw this time?”

“It was just a…” The two of them kept staring at him in silence. “…Fine. Maybe it wasn’t just a drawing.”

Troy repeated the gesture. “Show us.”

Ilya grabbed a blank sheet of paper from the counter, picked up a pen, and recreated the sketch in a matter of seconds. Once he was finished, he turned the page toward them.

“Look!”

The three of them stared at each other. “What the hell is wrong with you?” Svetlana asked.

“How did he not realize it was me?” Ilya asked, genuinely offended. “I even drew my ass at the right size!”

Svetlana rested her elbows on the table and immediately started laughing.

Troy tried to keep a straight face, but the second he pictured Ilya’s thought process, he lost it too.

“You…” He took a deep breath, trying to recover. “You cannot be serious.”

Ilya crossed his arms. 

“Maybe I’d have better luck if I did what that emperor did and drew his own dick in his letters. At least that would get Hollander’s attention. Besides, I’m packing. You both know that.”

“Oh my God.”

That was enough for Troy to give up on pretending to be normal. He dropped his forehead onto the table, laughing, while Svetlana had to wipe at her eyes before she could speak again.

“There is seriously something wrong with you. You need professional help.”

Ilya sat in silence for a few seconds, absentmindedly tapping the pen against the table. Then, all at once, his eyes widened. “I got it!”

Troy slowly lifted his head.

“Oh no. Here we go again.”

Ilya pulled another blank sheet of paper toward himself and pointed the pen at Troy. “Alright. Here’s the plan. I’ll write another note, and you sneak it into Hollander’s locker during your break.”

Troy raised an eyebrow. “I’m gonna do what?”

“You heard me.”

“Why me?”

“Because you’re over by that side of the locker room way more than I am,” Ilya said, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. “Just open his locker, slip the note inside, and walk away. It’s not that hard. He usually leaves it half-open between procedures so he can grab stuff when he changes.”

“Jesus.” Troy stared at him. “And what exactly do I get out of this?”

Ilya frowned. “Are you seriously trying to negotiate?”

“Obviously.”

Ilya let out a dramatic sigh.

“Fine. Drinks are on me, and I’ll introduce you to that barista you’ve been obsessing over at the bar you never shut up about.”

Troy grinned. “Now we’re talking.”

Svetlana looked back and forth between the two of them. “Do you two realize you’re planning an entire operation just to slip a note into a doctor’s locker?”

Without even looking up from the page, Ilya kept writing. “Yep.”

“And you’re both seriously going through with this?”

Ilya continued writing for a few more seconds before shrugging. “I promise this is my last attempt. Okay?”

He carefully folded the note and handed it to Troy. “His locker’s the third one on the right. There’s a little Montreal Metros sticker on it. You can’t miss it.”

Troy took the note and tucked it into the pocket of his scrub top. “If I get fired over this, you’re paying my bills.”

Ilya winked at him. “If you get fired over this, I’ll write the hospital director a note explaining it was all my fault.”

A few minutes later, during his break, Troy walked down the locker room hallway, doing his best to look as casual as possible.

The folded note sat tucked away in the pocket of his scrub top as he discreetly scanned the rows of lockers. 

“Third one on the right… hockey team…”

It didn’t take long to spot the small blue Montreal Metros sticker stuck to the upper corner of the metal door. Troy quickly glanced both ways.

The hallway was empty.

Taking advantage of the silence, he cracked the locker open just enough to slip the note between a few folders before shutting it again immediately.

The whole thing took less than five seconds.

Even so, he walked away feeling like he’d just committed a felony.

As soon as he turned the corner, he pulled out his phone and sent a single text.

Ilya’s phone buzzed a few seconds later. He barely managed to hide his smile as he read Troy’s message. 

Done. “Perfect…” he murmured to himself, slipping his phone back into his pocket. “Now he’ll finally see it.”

“Mr. Rozanov.”

Ilya looked up to find Emily, one of the pediatric nurses, standing beside him with an eager smile.

“Hey.”

“Remember that friend of mine I told you I wanted to introduce you to?”

“Uh…”

“She asked about you again,” Emily said casually. “She’s coming out with us on Friday and wanted to know if you’ll be there too. I think you two would really hit it off.”

Ilya opened his mouth to answer, but his eyes drifted to the other side of the hallway.

Hollander was walking toward the nurses’ station with a few patient charts pressed against his chest, completely focused on where he was going, fortunately unaware that Ilya was watching him.

Emily kept talking about her friend, but her words gradually blurred into distant background noise.

Shane stopped for a few seconds by the desk to exchange a few words with one of the nursing technicians before heading toward the locker rooms.

Right toward his locker. Finally. Ilya followed every step without even realizing he’d stopped paying attention to the conversation.

“So?” Emily asked after a few seconds. “What do you think?”

“Huh?” Ilya blinked a couple of times before finally coming back to reality. “Oh… right.”

Emily frowned. “Right… what?”

“Sure.” He answered automatically, still glancing toward the hallway. “Sounds good.”

“You didn’t hear a single thing I said.”

An awkward laugh escaped him as he rubbed the back of his neck. “Sorry. I… need to take care of something really quick.”

Ilya crossed the hallway almost on autopilot, not waiting for Emily to understand, trying not to look like he was in too much of a hurry.

When he turned the corner toward the locker rooms, he slowed his pace and casually looked around. Hollander was nowhere to be seen.

The hallway remained empty, with only a housekeeping aide mopping the floor a few yards away.

Ilya frowned for a moment, but the expression quickly gave way to a small smile.

Okay. That wasn’t a problem. Hollander had already gone into the locker room, and judging by the time, it was practically impossible that he hadn’t opened his locker.

This time, Ilya was absolutely certain he’d seen it.

For the first time since this whole ridiculous note business had started, Ilya was completely sure Hollander had finally found one of them.

He definitely wasn’t going to wait around for a reaction. Maybe uptight genetics people just didn’t have spontaneous reactions like everyone else…

Which was exactly why he was going to poke at him until he got one.

He’d spent the entire week waiting, and that strategy clearly wasn’t working.

The plan was simple. Ilya would tease Hollander the same way he had ever since arriving in this department, and if the reaction to the note was positive… He’d tell him it had been him!

With his confidence restored, he turned on his heel and headed back toward the main hallway, completely convinced everything was finally going his way.

Luckily for Ilya, fate seemed to be on his side today, and the opportunity appeared much sooner than he could have imagined.

Shortly after helping with a procedure, he stepped out of the room, pulling off his gloves as he walked down the hallway.

As soon as he turned the corner, he found Hollander sitting on one of the benches by the window, finally taking advantage of a few quiet minutes to finish a sandwich and a cup of coffee.

Perfect. This was exactly the opportunity he’d been waiting for.

He slipped his hands into the pockets of his scrub jacket and walked over to the bench with the most casual expression he could fake.

“Hollander.”

Shane looked up. “Rozanov.”

Ilya leaned lightly against the back of the bench, tilting his head, feigning innocence while trying to suppress a smile.

“So?” he asked with a grin he knew wasn’t convincing. “Anything… different happen today?”

Shane took another bite of his sandwich before answering. “Different?”

“Yeah.” Ilya shrugged, trying to sound uninterested. “Anything… unusual.”

Shane frowned slightly for a few seconds.

“Oh. So you already heard about it?”

Ilya immediately felt warmth spread through his chest. Oh finally! This had to be his moment of glory after so many spectacular failures. Finally!

A satisfied smile spread across his face before he could stop it.

“So you knew?” Hollander continued.

“Yeah.” Ilya answered, completely convinced this was the perfect opportunity to confess that he’d been trying to get Hollander’s attention for days now.

Shane nodded slowly. “So Barret told you before he put that note in my locker?”

Ilya’s smile disappeared as quickly as it had appeared. What the fuck…?

“…What?”

Thank God Hollander didn’t seem to notice the drastic change in his expression. He was too focused on explaining.

“I saw him,” he replied casually. “I was heading back to grab a folder and ended up seeing Barret putting the note inside my locker. I guess he decided to confess that way… it’s actually kind of cute.”

Ilya felt his blood begin to boil. Fuck.

He simply could not believe he was standing in front of Hollander listening to him talk about how fucking cute Troy Barret was.

He was going to kill Troy.

“Haha… I guess—”

Hollander cut him off, looking thoughtful. “Actually…” He paused for a moment before shrugging. “I don’t think it’d be a bad idea to give him a chance.

Ilya felt as though a truck had just run him over and flattened him completely. Was this some kind of joke? His expression immediately darkened. His brows knitted together before he even realized it, and Ilya was suddenly overwhelmed by the urge to go find Troy for the sole purpose of strangling him.

Hollander… was actually considering going out with Troy? Because of the fucking note that Ilya hadn’t even written? Oh my God.

This was not happening. He had somehow managed to create his own personal hell.

“Yeah…” he answered after a silence that lasted just a little too long. “Right. Barret.” What Ilya actually wanted to say was that Hollander wouldn’t get the chance… because by the end of the day, he was going to kill Troy with his bare hands.

Shane remained completely oblivious to the situation unfolding in front of him. He looked down at his sandwich for a few seconds, thinking before taking another sip of his coffee.

“Actually…” he said casually. “I don’t really know Barret that well.”

Ilya stayed completely silent.

“But I don’t think it’d be a bad thing to get to know him.”

Every word seemed worse than the last. Ilya was now two steps away from being absolutely certain that this whole note idea had been the worst decision he’d ever made in his entire life.

Shane rested his elbows on his knees for a moment, still completely unaware of the emotional disaster he’d turned Rozanov into.

Then he seemed to remember something and looked up again. That alone was enough for Ilya to know nothing good was about to come out of his mouth. “Oh. You two are friends, aren’t you?”

“Unfortunately.” The answer slipped out as a disgruntled mutter.

Hollander raised an eyebrow.

“I thought you were best friends.”

Ilya thought so too. Now Troy was his mortal enemy, and at the first opportunity, Ilya was going to make sure he mysteriously disappeared.

“We are.”

“So…” Shane continued, completely innocent. “Maybe you could help me.”

Ilya’s brain may have completely short-circuited right then and there.

Help Hollander… with Barret?

He was about to laugh before realizing there wasn’t a single fucking thing about this that was funny. Absolutely not. There was no way in hell he was doing that.

“Help you how?” he asked, already regretting the question.

“I don’t know.” Shane shrugged. “You’ve known each other for so long. I figured you could tell me a little more about him.”

Ilya felt a muscle in his jaw tighten. 

“I…” He cleared his throat, desperately searching for any excuse that wouldn’t reveal he was dying of jealousy. “Actually… I don’t know that much about Barret.”

Shane blinked a couple of times. “What do you mean? You’re best friends.” “And you don’t know anything about him?”

“‘Nothing’ is a pretty strong word.”

“The only things I know about him…” the anesthesiologist said thoughtfully, “are that he seems handsome… and he seems like someone who’s easy to talk to.”

Ilya had the overwhelming urge to cut that sentence off halfway through.

If it were up to him, Hollander would never hear a single good thing about Troy Barret for the rest of his life. “Unfortunately, I can’t help you,” he replied, shaking his head with a conviction that didn’t even make sense. “It’s… an ethical issue.”

Shane stared at Ilya for a few seconds, perhaps trying to decide whether he was joking or being serious. In the end, he simply let out a quiet sigh and took another bite of his sandwich. “Alright,” he said with a small shrug. “I don’t need your help. I can get to know Barret on my own.”

Ilya felt his stomach drop. 

At this point, he was pretty sure one of his eyes had started twitching on its own while a nervous tic took over the rest of his face.

Now Hollander wanted to get to know Troy. And he’d just said he could do it on his own. Great. This situation was the exact opposite of great! 

“Well…” Ilya coughed and forced a smile that didn’t fool anyone. “I’ve… I’ve got a patient waiting for me.”

Before Hollander could ask another question, Ilya had already taken two steps back and practically fled down the hallway. If he stayed there for five more minutes, there was a very real chance he’d go looking for Troy Barret and commit a crime.

Or rather…that was exactly what he was on his way to do.

Ilya stormed across nearly half the wing in long strides, ignoring everyone who gave him strange looks as he passed. He didn’t want to think about a single thing that wasn’t Troy Barret. If it took him another five minutes to find him, he was sure his head was going to explode.

He found his friend (and quite possibly his future archenemy) exactly where he’d expected. Troy was sitting in the break room, finishing a cup of coffee while absentmindedly scrolling through his phone during the rest of his break.

The moment he looked up and saw Ilya walking in, he knew something was very, very wrong. Mostly because Ilya looked furious enough to murder someone.

He swallowed. “…Jesus,” Troy muttered, slipping his phone into his pocket. “Who died?”

Ilya didn’t even bother answering the question. “You had one fucking job!” he snapped the second he walked into the room. “One!”

Troy blinked a couple of times.

“And you still managed to fuck it up!”

“I did what?” Troy frowned, completely lost. “What the hell are you talking about?”

“The note!” Ilya dragged both hands down his face, already worked up and fuming. “You had one job. Put that damn thing in Hollander’s locker and leave!”

Troy kept staring at him, not understanding a single thing. “But… that’s exactly what I did!”

“Oh, yeah?” Ilya let out a laugh filled with complete disbelief. “Did you?”

“I did.”

“Then why the fuck does Hollander think you were confessing your feelings to him?”

Silence filled the room.

Troy stared at Ilya for a few seconds before his eyes widened slightly. “…What?”

“He saw you putting the note there!” Ilya practically shouted, gesturing around the room. “He saw you! Then he assumed the note was yours because you were shoving that damn thing into his locker!”

Troy slowly opened his mouth. “Ah…”

“Ah?” Ilya repeated, irritated. “Ah?”

“It was an accident.”

“I’m going to kill you.”

“You’re exaggerating.”

“I’m not exaggerating, you stupid idiot! Now I’ve officially lost all my chances!”

Troy finally started putting the pieces together. “Wait.” He placed his coffee on the table. “What exactly did he say?”

Ilya immediately made a face. “No.”

“Tell me.”

Ilya closed his eyes for a moment, as if repeating it would cause him some kind of physical damage.

Ilya rolled his eyes. “He said that…”

Troy waited patiently.

Ilya made another face, practically disgusted by the sentence itself. “…that maybe it wouldn’t be a bad idea to get to know you.”

Troy slowly raised his eyebrows. A smile spread across his face, one that was definitely making Ilya want to rip it off with his own hands.

“Oh, yeah?”

Ilya crossed his arms. He had no idea what kind of stupid joke Troy was starting now, but the urge to punch him in the face wasn’t going away.

“So it looks like I came out on top.”

Ilya lifted his head so quickly that Troy almost laughed just from seeing his expression.

“Honestly…” Troy continued, shrugging. “Hollander is really hot.” 

Troy barely finished speaking before Ilya was already pointing a finger at him.

“Listen here.” Ilya cut him off immediately. “Listen very carefully to what I’m about to tell you.”

Troy was clearly enjoying himself now, biting his lower lip to hold back a laugh.

“If it even crosses your mind, for one second, to entertain this whole thing…” Ilya stepped closer, narrowing his eyes. “I will make you disappear before you even get the chance.”

Ilya let out an irritated scoff and ran a hand through his own hair, messing up his curls.

Troy raised both hands in surrender, although the smile remained on his face. “Okay, okay. I’m not going to do anything.”

“You better not.”

“You are completely insane.”

“It’s your fault!” Ilya answered.

Troy shook his head, still laughing at the situation. He had known Ilya long enough to tell the difference between when he was actually angry and when he was simply being consumed by his own jealousy. This was definitely the second option, which was surprising to Troy considering that was not exactly something Ilya was known for.

“Have you ever put a note in Hollander’s locker before?”

Ilya frowned. “What?”

“Before today.”

“No.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah.” He answered immediately. “I always left them on top of his charts, inside folders, or on any piece of paper I knew he was going to pick up during his shift. I never put anything inside his locker.”

Troy made a strange expression. “So… that’s kind of weird.”

Ilya narrowed his eyes. “Why?”

“Because when I went to put your note in there…” Troy started, trying to remember exactly what happened. “I had to move some of his things around a little to slide the paper between the folders.”

“And?”

“And there were a bunch of other papers in there.”

For a moment, Ilya simply stared at Troy without saying a word. “…Notes?”

“Yeah.”

“From who?”

“I don’t know.” Troy shrugged. “I didn’t stop to look properly. I just saw a bunch of little folded papers mixed in with his stuff.” 

A strange feeling crawled up Ilya’s stomach. “You’re saying there were other notes kept in his locker?”

“That’s what I saw.”

Ilya looked away, focusing on reorganizing that information inside his head. Which didn’t make any sense.

Because he had never left any note in Hollander’s locker, and Hollander had never seen any of his previous notes. So… Where the hell had those papers come from?

A possibility crossed his mind as quickly as lightning. Was… someone else sending notes to Hollander? The thought alone was enough to make his stomach twist. No. That was ridiculous. 

But what if it wasn’t?

Hollander was beautiful. Very handsome. Anyone with functioning eyes could notice that within five seconds. It wasn’t exactly impossible to imagine that someone else at the hospital might be interested in him.

The mere thought of it already irritated Ilya. Having to compete with Troy was one thing. Now with someone else too? He hated it.

“What is it?” Troy asked, noticing how strangely quiet he had become.

“I think there’s someone else writing to him.” Ilya slowly shook his head. “It’s a possibility.”

That possibility started growing inside his head at a completely unreasonable speed. The more he thought about it, the more it started making sense.

Maybe that’s why Hollander had never figured out who was writing the notes. Or he was getting notes from more than one person. Maybe…

“You’re losing your mind.” Troy interrupted.

“I need to figure out what those papers were.”

Troy let out a tired sigh. “What are you planning to do? Break into his locker?”

Ilya stayed silent for a moment.

The answer took long enough for Troy to let out a disbelieving scoff. “God… You’re actually thinking about breaking into his locker.”

“I just need to look.”

“That is still messing with Hollander’s things. Again!”

Ilya ran a hand over his short beard, completely ignoring his friend’s complaint. “The first chance I get…” he murmured more to himself than to Troy. “I’m going to find out what those notes are.”

Troy watched the completely determined expression on his face and let out a disbelieving laugh.

“You do realize this whole thing of yours has completely gotten out of control, right?”

Ilya didn’t even answer. Saving his own time seemed much more useful than trying to convince Troy that he was clearly not exaggerating.

As soon as he left the break room, he started walking through the pediatric wing with a single goal occupying his mind. Over the next few minutes, anyone paying attention long enough would probably conclude that something was wrong with Rozanov.

He would appear like a maniac walking down one hallway and disappear into another, pretending to look at something work-related when, in reality, he was only discreetly watching the movement near the locker rooms.

At some point, it stopped looking like an investigation and started looking like stalking.

Finally, after a few minutes that felt much longer than they actually were, Hollander appeared at the end of the hallway.

Ilya watched from a distance as he walked toward the lockers carrying his notebook and a patient file folder tucked under his arm.

Shane opened his locker, put everything away calmly, closed the door, and then immediately turned to follow a red-haired woman who had started talking to him.

He had seen her before. Rose? Rosa Landry? Whatever. That wasn’t important right now.

Ilya remembered she was Hollander’s best friend, and at that moment, honestly, her name was the least important piece of information possible.

He waited until the two of them disappeared around the corner before taking a deep breath.

“Now.”

He quickly looked both ways, moving forward when he didn’t see anyone around. He walked toward the lockers trying to look as subtle as possible, like he was simply looking for something he’d forgotten there. When he stopped in front of Hollander’s locker, he took one more look at the empty hallway.

Was this wrong? Maybe a little… But he wasn’t going to steal anything or mess with anything.

He was just checking!

Besides, those lockers had been there for so many years that any long-time employee knew exactly which ones needed a little more force to open or where the lock usually gave out first.

Ilya placed his hand on the handle, made a small movement to the side, and pressed exactly where he knew the latch usually got stuck.

A quiet click answered immediately. “Thanks for the shitty maintenance…” he muttered to himself. He opened the door just enough to see inside.

He had already prepared himself to find anything that would make his paranoia even worse.

More notes, another handwriting. Maybe even someone’s signature from the hospital. His eyes quickly scanned the shelves until they stopped on a dark-covered binder. Without thinking too much, he pulled it closer and opened it.

At that exact moment, his brain simply shut down. Between the first few pages, carefully folded inside a small folder, were several tiny pieces of paper covered in scribbles. They were so familiar that Ilya recognized them immediately. 

Every single note he had written during the week. All the completely shameless flirting he had spent the entire week leaving behind.

They were all there, carefully kept inside the binder. “…No.”

All of them carefully stored between the pages of the binder, along with some notes from Hollander, a few pictures, and his belongings.

Ilya felt his stomach drop.

This entire time, Hollander had seen every single one of his stupid notes. And he had never ignored them. Actually, he had done the exact opposite.

“…No way.”

So that entire brilliant idea of putting a note inside the locker had been completely unnecessary.

He had spent an entire week convinced that Hollander wasn’t even finding the papers, came up with an absurd plan, dragged Troy into it, ruined his own chances, made Shane believe that Barret was interested in him, and even managed to get jealous over a situation he had created himself.

All because he had reached the wrong conclusion. The embarrassment hit him so hard that he had to place one hand against the locker door.

Ilya felt like a complete idiot.

With a completely defeated sigh, Ilya put every single paper back exactly where it had been, closed the binder carefully, and returned it to the same position on the shelf, making sure absolutely nothing looked out of place.

When he closed the locker door again, he remained standing there for a few seconds, staring at his own distorted reflection on the metal.

After taking a deep breath, he stepped away from the lockers and started walking down the hallway without really paying attention to where he was going. He only realized where he had stopped when he found himself standing in front of the playroom.

The room was empty at that hour.

The children had gone back to their rooms some time ago, and all that remained were a few toys scattered around, colored pencils forgotten on the small tables, and dozens of drawings pinned to the bulletin board that covered one of the walls.

Ilya stared at the display for a few seconds before his eyes found exactly what they were looking for. The drawing the little boy had made during the night shift. He really had put the page on the board with all the others.

Hollander was still drawn wearing his white coat, clearly angry, while he appeared beside him with two huge hearts where his eyes should have been and a ridiculously lovestruck expression.

Ilya let out a breath through his nose, a mix of embarrassment and defeat.

Carefully, making sure not to tear the paper, he removed the drawing from the pin holding it in place and stared at the childish scribble for a few more seconds.

It was the most adorable and honest thing anyone had ever drawn for him, even if it had made him completely lose his composure in front of Hollander and wish he could be buried in that playroom.

Now, though, the drawing was more than he could have asked for at that moment. Without thinking too much, he folded the paper carefully and put it in his pocket.

Maybe it was ridiculous. Actually, it was definitely ridiculous. But after finding out that Shane had kept every single one of his notes throughout that entire week, Ilya simply couldn’t leave the drawing behind.

If Hollander really decided to give Troy Barret a chance, there wasn’t much he could do besides hope it didn’t work out.

It was a selfish thought, but Ilya had never promised to be a particularly evolved person.

He remained standing in the middle of the playroom for a few more moments, absentmindedly staring at the colorful walls.

Maybe he could go back to his first plan, the one that never should have left his mind in the first place. Sleep with half of Montreal until he finally got a certain Canadian out of his head.

Ilya couldn’t even understand how he had ended up here. Before Hollander moved to his wing, he was Ilya Fucking Rozanov, someone who had hooked up with half the nurses at least once and had never found anyone interesting enough to keep his attention.

Now all it took was one freckled guy with a cute smile and a way of being that made Ilya want him so badly to ruin everything he had built.

To the point where he was taking over his own thoughts until this completely senseless obsession finally disappeared.

But eventually it would work. It had to work.

Maybe Hollander would also give up on that completely stupid idea of trying something with Troy Barret before anything actually happened.

Ilya preferred to believe that.

Because the other alternative was admitting that he had managed to ruin his own chances before he even really had one.

And he would rather lose his mind than admit that.

Chapter End Notes

hold my hand when i tell you this… ILYA IS STUPID *GUNSHOT*

WHO SAID THAT???

anyWAY u can find me on u can find me on twitter

see u in the next and last chapter!!!

Chapter 5: and thats the way i loved you.

Chapter Notes

we've reached the final chapter, where Ilya can finally just set the entire hospital on fire.

i loved writing these two so much that i might do a few little hospital AU one-shots with them.

well, good reading! :3

A few days had already passed since Shane had finally managed to get rid of the problem and curiosity that had taken over his mind during work.

During his lunch break, he was taking advantage of a few quiet minutes sitting beside Rose in the hospital’s indoor garden.

It had been a few days since she returned from her short leave, and since then, the two of them still hadn’t been able to properly talk about everything that had happened while she was away.

Rose opened her water bottle and looked at him over the cap. 

“So…” She rested her elbows on the table. “That day you briefly mentioned Barret, but we ended up getting interrupted. What exactly happened?”

Shane took another sip of his coffee before answering.

“It was kind of an accident. I was going to put away a folder in the locker and ended up seeing Barret putting a piece of paper in there.”

Rose slightly frowned. “You actually saw him?”

“I did.” Shane nodded. “I was going back to get a folder and happened to arrive at exactly the right moment. He didn’t see me, but I saw him put the paper inside.”

“Did Troy come talk to you afterward?”

Shane shook his head. “No.”

“Nothing?” Rose seemed to think for a few seconds. “Maybe he’s embarrassed.”

“Maybe…”

“It makes sense.” She shrugged. “If he decided to write notes instead of simply coming over and talking to you, he’s probably not exactly the most comfortable person in the world when it comes to confessing.”

Shane stayed quiet for a few moments. “Or maybe he regretted it.”

“I find that unlikely.”

“Do you think so?”

“Shane.” Rose let out a small laugh. “That person spent days writing notes for you. Then they finally worked up the courage to put a confession inside your locker. That doesn’t sound like someone who would just give up out of nowhere.”

Shane rested his coffee on the bench. “Then why hasn’t he talked to me yet?”

Rose shrugged one shoulder. “Because he’s probably waiting for some kind of reaction from you.”

He slightly frowned. “My reaction?”

“Yeah.” She nodded as if it were completely obvious. “You know now that he’s interested. He’s probably dying of embarrassment and trying to figure out whether he got rejected or not.”

Shane looked away toward the garden for a few moments, thinking about it. “…That makes sense."

Rose smiled discreetly.

“Then make his life a little easier.”

Shane looked back at her. “How?”

“Go talk to him.”

“Talk about what?”

“Anything.” She answered naturally. “Start a conversation, talk for a little while, ask him to get coffee after the shift… anything that shows him you weren’t uncomfortable.”

Shane let out a small laugh through his nose.

“You make it sound simple.”

“It is.” Rose insisted. “If he actually likes you, he won’t back away just because you started a conversation. If anything, it’ll be the opposite.”

Shane stayed quiet for a few seconds.

“You really think so?”

“I do.” She answered without hesitation. “And honestly, you have absolutely nothing to lose.”

“Okay.” Shane answered after a few more seconds of thought. “I’ll talk to him.”

Rose smiled, satisfied, as if she had already expected that answer.

“That’s what I’m talking about!”

“Don’t get your hopes up.” Shane replied before picking up his coffee again. “I’m just… going to talk.”

“That’s already a start.”

The two of them stayed in the garden for a few more minutes until their break ended.

When they got up to return to work, Rose headed toward the surgical center while Shane went back to pediatrics, still holding his coffee.

During the walk, the confidence he had shown a few minutes earlier started disappearing surprisingly quickly.

Maybe this really had been a terrible idea.

Not because Troy was a problem. Quite the opposite. Shane thought he was nice during the few times they had talked, but precisely because they almost never talked, he simply had no idea how to start that conversation without sounding like a complete weirdo.

It had been a long time since the last time he had actually tried to get to know someone.

What did people normally say in situations like this?

“Hi, I found out you wrote stupid notes and some obscene drawings for me, and I thought I’d see where this goes?”

No. Definitely not.

“Would you like to get coffee sometime?”

That also seemed way too direct. Maybe it would be better to start with a normal conversation.

But… what? The more he tried to think about it, the more every possibility seemed ridiculous. When he entered the pediatrics wing again, his eyes immediately found Troy.

Barret was leaning against the nursing station while finishing some paperwork on his clipboard. Shane took a deep breath. Okay. It would just be a conversation. He just had to act normally. He talked to people every day. 

This wasn’t any different.

He subtly straightened his posture and walked over to the counter. “Barret.”

Troy looked up. “Hollander.”

Shane remained silent for a few seconds. Unfortunately, Troy did too.

“…”

Hollander felt his brain completely shut down. He felt so stupid. Damn, this was supposed to be simple. “How…” Shane cleared his throat discreetly. “How is your day going?”

Troy blinked a few times. “Good.”

“Ah.” Shane took a sip of his coffee just to have something to do while desperately trying to find any subject that didn’t sound completely pointless, and he was pretty sure his hands were sweating now.

“It’s… been busy today.”

“A little.”

Oh my God. This was the worst conversation he had ever had in his entire life, and he was the one who started it. Shane could feel the embarrassment increasing with every passing second. It felt like all the years of training and talking to patients had simply disappeared the moment he needed to hold a remotely personal conversation.

He could still fix this. Okay. He lifted his eyes to Barret again, and this time forced himself to relax a little.

A small smile appeared on his face, subtle and genuine, accompanied by the freckles that became even more noticeable whenever his cheeks took on that slight reddish tint of embarrassment.

“Sorry.” He let out a small laugh through his nose. “I don’t think I’m very good at this.”

Troy looked even more confused. “At this…?”

“Starting conversations.” Shane ran a hand over the back of his neck. “Rose said maybe I should get to know the people in the wing better.”

“Ah. I see.”

“So…” He placed his coffee cup on the counter. “I thought maybe I could start with you.”

Troy’s lips curled into a small smile, finally starting to understand the situation.

“I think that would be nice.”

Shane seemed to relax a little. “You’ve worked here for quite a while, haven’t you?”

“Been a few years.”

“I imagine you probably know almost everyone.”

The conversation finally seemed to be starting to flow, Troy made the huge mistake of looking over Hollander’s shoulder, and the gentle smile disappeared from his face immediately. Shane noticed the change in his expression.

“What is it?”

Troy was still staring at something behind him.

Shane slightly frowned before turning just enough to follow his line of sight. Behind the reception desk, Rozanov was organizing some charts. 

Or trying to, considering he was actually staring at Barret so intensely that Shane had the impression that, if it were humanly possible to shoot lasers from his eyes, Barret would have already been reduced to ashes right then and there.

Shane looked back at Troy, completely unaware of the reason behind the tension.

“Are you sure everything is okay?”

Troy let out a quiet cough, clearly uncomfortable.

“Yes. Yes, of course.” He answered too quickly before forcing a slightly awkward smile. “You seem really nice too, Hollander. I… liked talking to you.”

Shane smiled back. “Thanks.”

“But…” Troy was already starting to take a few steps back. “I really need to go now. They called me to help with a procedure.”

“Oh.” Shane nodded immediately. “Of course.”

“We’ll talk later.”

“Okay.” 

Troy practically escaped down the hallway without looking back. Shane remained standing there for a few seconds, watching him disappear around the corner before letting out a quiet sigh.

That had been weird as hell.

But maybe Rose was right, and talking to someone for the first time was naturally uncomfortable. Or maybe he had simply completely forgotten how to get to know someone.

Later that afternoon, Ilya found Troy again while walking down the hallway toward the nursing station. The moment they looked at each other, Troy immediately realized that his mood was exactly the same.

Terrible.

Ilya walked with a deep frown, holding a folder under his arm as if it had personally done something to offend him.

Troy raised both hands before Ilya could even open his mouth. “Look, before anything else…” he started quickly. “I didn’t flirt with Hollander.”

Ilya didn’t even slow down. “Oh, fuck off.” He answered with an irritated grunt. “I know.”

Troy raised an eyebrow. “You know?”

“I know.” Ilya replied as if it were obvious. “You wouldn’t be crazy enough.”

“Thanks… I think.”

“Besides, if you had done anything, I would’ve already known.”

Troy decided not to ask how. The two of them walked side by side for a few meters in silence until Troy sighed, clearly tired of the whole situation.

“Man…” He glanced at Ilya. “Why don’t you just tell him it was a mistake?”

“No.”

“Why?” Troy took a deep breath, insisting anyway. “Explain to him that there was a misunderstanding, tell him you were the one who wrote the notes and not me. Done. Problem solved.”

Ilya immediately made a face.

“That would be pathetic.”

Troy stopped walking for a second. “Pathetic?”

“You think walking up to Hollander and saying, ‘Hey, actually, I was the one who drew the ass’ is a good idea?”

“Don’t put it like that.”

Ilya huffed, clearly annoyed. “It’s already too late.”

“Too late?” Troy repeated in disbelief. “You’re walking around looking at everyone like you’re about to kill someone and wandering through the hospital like a ghost!”

Troy crossed his arms. “You really want to look at me and say that telling the truth is the pathetic part of this story?”

Ilya looked away. “…Yes.”

Troy stared at his friend for a few seconds before starting to laugh.

Ilya’s expression darkened even more.

“Thanks for the support.”

“Ilya, you’re arguing with me over a mess that you created yourself.”

“You were stupid.”

“I didn’t know Hollander was coming back!”

“Your problem.” Ilya immediately replied, showing absolutely no sign of regret. “Next time I’ll write a note and accidentally leave it in Harris the barista’s hand. Let’s see if you like that.”

Troy’s eyes widened. “You wouldn’t do that.”

“I’ll do it today.” Ilya replied with complete naturalness. “I’ll draw a little heart, a picture of my ass, and sign it all nicely. Then I’ll leave it on the bar counter. By accident, of course.”

Troy rolled his eyes so hard he almost saw his own brain. “You’re impossible.”

“I’m just returning the favor.”

Troy let out a resigned sigh, realizing that insisting on this conversation would lead absolutely nowhere.

“Let’s stop talking about this.” Troy replied while quickly checking the watch on his wrist. “Because we have surgery in five minutes and they’re going to need us.”

The two of them continued down the hallway side by side until they reached the procedure room. As soon as they walked in, they found the team practically ready to begin.

Hollander was already standing by the head of the table, organizing the anesthesia medications while checking everything on the patient. As soon as he heard the door open, he looked up for a moment.

“Barret.”

“Hollander.”

Shane gave him a small, polite smile before turning his attention back to the materials.

That single exchange of looks was enough for Ilya to feel his mood drop straight to hell all over again. Great. Now they were dentists and Hollander was showing all his teeth to Barret.

Troy seemed to notice his tension. Maybe he had been terrifying his friend a little too much, but right now, he couldn’t care less.

“Actually…” he commented casually, looking at the surgeon who was finishing putting on his gloves. “I’ll be providing direct support for him today.”

Without waiting for any response, Troy crossed the room and moved to the other side of the table.

Ilya followed the movement with his eyes and immediately understood. Troy only responded with a subtle raise of his eyebrows, as if saying: I’m not getting involved in this.

Shane didn’t seem to find the change strange.

He continued organizing the medication tray before holding out his hand.

“Rozanov, could you please pass me the—”

Rozanov handed him the syringe without saying a single word. Shane didn’t say anything beyond a quiet murmur of thanks, giving him a quick glance before returning to his work.

As time passed, it started to bother Shane in a strangely specific way.

During his first few days in pediatrics, Rozanov wouldn’t stop talking and starting conversations with him… so much so that it was because of his insistence that Shane had started considering Rozanov a friend and a good person.

Now, aside from what was strictly necessary for the procedure, he simply remained silent.

Shane decided to test it, so he asked for another piece of equipment. “IV tubing, please.”

Rozanov placed it in his hand immediately, their fingers brushing against each other almost intentionally. 

Shane fixed his large brown eyes on the blue ones that were already looking away from him.

He didn’t like the way he was feeling. Why wasn’t Rozanov looking at him the way he usually did? It wasn’t like the two of them were close friends, but Rozanov definitely didn’t usually act that way. Even during procedures, he always found some way to keep talking to Shane. At first, it had seemed annoying, until it started calming Shane’s nerves before every procedure. Damn it.

Shane tried to ignore the feeling, convincing himself that Rozanov was probably just having a bad day. Everyone had days like that. Except Rozanov seemed strange for the rest of the entire day. It didn’t matter where the two of them ended up running into each other in the pediatrics hallway, he continued to act exactly the same.

Shane even started wondering if maybe something had happened outside the hospital. Some personal problem, bad news, or simply one of those days when talking felt like too much effort.

So he decided to leave it alone for the time being.

The procedure ended without any complications, although the atmosphere inside the room had felt more like a funeral than a surgery. Even some of the team noticed Rozanov’s unusual silence, but no one commented on it.

After handing over the final records, Shane realized he still had a few minutes free before his next appointment. He thought about going back to the reception desk, but changed his mind when he saw Rozanov walking down the hallway toward the playroom.

With nothing else to do, he walked in the same direction. Shane didn’t even know why he was following him, something that until recently he had avoided doing. 

As soon as he entered, his steps gradually slowed as his eyes adjusted to the scene in front of him.

Rozanov was sitting on the floor on top of a colorful rug, surrounded by scattered toys. Sitting in his lap was a little girl, maybe four years old, with almost golden blonde curls bouncing in every direction and reminding Shane, in an almost sweet way, of Rozanov’s own curls.

The girl was laughing so hard that she could barely stay seated.

“No.” Ilya caught both of her little hands before she could reach one of the building blocks. “You’ve already cheated three times.”

The girl made a deeply offended expression.

“I did not!”

Rozanov moved his fingers toward the child’s small stomach, and the girl immediately started laughing so loudly that she practically threw herself backward, forcing Rozanov to catch her before she fell from his lap.

Shane remained standing near the door. This seemed completely different from the person who had spent the entire last hour working beside him.

There was no trace of the closed-off expression Rozanov had carried during the procedure. His features looked much softer, there was a genuine smile resting at the corner of his mouth, and his voice carried a patience and gentleness that Shane still hadn’t seen outside the playroom.

And when he had seen it, it was the day Rozanov offered him a ride home.

He already knew Rozanov was loved by the children. Everyone at the hospital talked about it. Even so, seeing it happen personally was different and, honestly, heartwarming.

Rozanov seemed to completely change when he was in there.

The little girl took advantage of a moment of distraction to grab his cheeks with both hands and turn his face from side to side, laughing.

It was exactly when his head turned once again that his eyes found Hollander standing near the door. For a brief moment, the two of them simply stared at each other. The slight change in Ilya’s expression was almost imperceptible, but enough for the girl to notice that he was looking at someone else.

Curious, she tried to follow his gaze, but Ilya gently caught one of her little hands first. He guided her hand in a small wave toward Shane. “Say hi to Hollander.” He whispered into her ear.

The girl opened a huge smile and started waving her hand enthusiastically.

“Hi!”

Right after that, Ilya raised his own hand and repeated the gesture. The smile that appeared on his face was subtle, much smaller than the ones he used to give Shane in the previous days, but at least it was better than how he had been acting in the procedure room.

Shane waved back with a small smile.

Well, during those days, he had imagined that Rozanov’s behavior would disappear and pass naturally. Maybe he really was just going through a bad week and, at some point, would go back to acting like he always did.

What Shane was terribly wrong about, because Rozanov seemed to get worse with every single day! Of course, there were moments when he really seemed like the person Shane was used to when he wasn’t teasing him.

And then everything seemed to go back to normal, only for him to become irritated again at any glimpse of a reason Shane still hadn’t managed to identify.

And for some reason that was beginning to frustrate him more than he wanted to admit, he had actually believed that the two of them were starting to build some kind of friendship since he began working in pediatrics. 

Rozanov had been one of the first people to make him feel comfortable in that wing, insisting on talking to him until the environment stopped feeling completely unfamiliar.

Now he was acting stupid for no reason! Or maybe there was a reason and Shane just couldn’t understand it. Which only made everything worse because Shane had always been terrible at communication.

He just wanted to crawl into a hole and disappear.

And to make his situation even worse, Rose went on leave again just a few days later. Shane hadn’t realized how much he had gotten used to looking for her between procedures until he was left without that point of support during his shifts.

Without Rose around, he ended up giving in to the obvious. He started looking for Rozanov again.

Even with all that strange behavior, he was still the person Shane talked to the most in that wing.

That early afternoon, the two of them walked side by side toward the playroom after one of the nurses asked for help organizing an activity with some children who had already been discharged but were still waiting for the paperwork to leave.

“You really never played those children’s games as an adult?” Ilya asked while walking with his hands in the pockets of his coat.

Shane gave him a confused look. 

“I don’t see why I would."

“Because it’s fun.”

Shane shook his head, hiding a small smile. “I just think there are better ways to spend time.”

Shane’s smile grew wider. He was relieved that he didn’t have a damn brick wall created by Rozanov waiting for him today. They were practically reaching the playroom when the rest of the team appeared from the opposite hallway.

Louise was carrying a box full of colored pencils, Claire had some drawing sheets tucked under her arm, Harry was with Svetlana, and Troy brought up the rear a few steps behind.

Shane waved at Barret despite the distance. He could see Rozanov rolling his eyes beside him, which made Shane raise an eyebrow.

“Oh, come on. Aren’t you friends with Barret anymore? Don’t act like a baby.”

He crossed his arms when Rozanov’s first response was to scoff, followed by a grumble.

“He is.”

“Doesn’t look like it.” Shane argued.

“You don’t know anything.” Rozanov shrugged and walked past Shane into the playroom. “Come on, let’s go.”

Shane sighed before walking in right behind him. The playroom was much busier than usual.

Veronika was already waiting for them in the center of the room with a clipboard in her hands.

“Perfect.” She smiled as soon as she saw the rest of the team arrive. “Since everyone is here, I’ll split you up so we can organize things better.”

Veronika spread the children around the room and placed Louise and Claire together, Svetlana and Harry in another corner. She then quickly checked her clipboard before looking up at the three people who were still standing together.

“Looks like we’ll have one trio left… Barret, Hollander, and Rozanov can stay at that table over there.”

Shane seemed to be the only one who thought it was a good idea.

Now he knew Barret a little better, he had been trying to talk to him more over the last few days, and despite all of Rozanov’s strange behavior, maybe working together would be an opportunity for things to finally go back to normal.

When he turned his head to check, he found Rozanov completely rigid, his expression resembling someone who had just been punched in the stomach. Or a shot.

Shane slightly frowned. “Are you okay?”

“I’m great.”

Turning his head, Barret also looked defeated. It was as if someone had grabbed a megaphone and just announced that he would be the next person taken to the guillotine.

The three of them ended up occupying one of the small tables in the corner of the playroom, surrounded by a small group of children who were calmly coloring together on a large sheet of paper.

Rozanov remained sitting on the carpet, surrounded by building blocks and three children who were clearly already used to him.

“No, no.” Ilya gently held a little boy’s hand before he could place a huge piece on top of the construction. “If you put this one there now, the castle is going to fall apart.”

“But I want this one.”

“Oh, buddy, I wanted so many things too.” Ilya answered with the utmost seriousness, a pout on his lips as he grumbled.

The child started laughing and pushed a block against Ilya’s chest, and he pretended to have taken a devastating hit, placing a hand over his heart. Shane watched the scene, practically melting, while helping some of the quieter children with a puzzle.

Shane couldn’t stop a small smile from appearing. It really was beautiful to watch. After placing the final piece, one of the girls gently tugged on his sleeve.

“…I want a pink pencil.”

“I think it’s on the table.” Shane answered, standing up to look for it. When he got closer, he noticed Barret was coloring with some of the children, clearly enjoying himself.

It seemed like a good opportunity. “Hey, um…”

Troy looked up and smiled. “Hey.”

Shane picked up one of the pencil containers while searching for the pink one.

“Do you draw a lot?”

Troy let out a small laugh. “Me?”

“Yeah.” Shane shrugged. “Because of the notes… I assumed you did. Some of them. Of course.”

Shane remembered some that were nothing more than scribbles.

Troy almost dropped one of the pencils. “Ah… I…”

Shane continued naturally, completely unaware of the embarrassment. “I liked the drawings.”

“You did?”

“Yeah.”

A small smile appeared on his face.

“Especially the last one.”

Troy opened his mouth to say something, but Ilya appeared beside the table before he could.

“He draws terribly.”

The two of them turned their heads toward him. Troy closed his eyes for a second. “Ilya—”

“What?” Rozanov answered while handing a box of blocks to one of the children. “It’s true.”

Shane slightly frowned. “I didn’t think so.”

“Uh. Great. For you.” Ilya shrugged. “Your standards must be pretty low.” The sentence came out dry.

Shane took a deep breath and turned his head toward Rozanov. “Can you stop?”

Rozanov raised an eyebrow. “Stop with what?”

“You know exactly what.” Shane felt the irritation he had been building up for days finally rise all at once.

“I have no idea. Keep flirting, I don’t care.”

Shane let out a small laugh, completely humorless. Then he stood up and left the room, walking with long strides into the hallway before leaning against the janitor’s closet door. He squeezed his eyes shut, only for him to open them and see that mop of blond curls approaching.

“Hollander—”

“No. Look, honestly…” Shane continued before he could say anything. “This is getting exhausting.”

Rozanov’s expression somehow seemed to fall even further, shifting into something sad and melancholic.

“If you have a problem with me, just say it.” Shane kept his voice low because of where they were, but his frustration was stronger than his restraint. “Because I genuinely have no idea what’s going on, and you’re making every conversation feel like a nightmare.”

Rozanov remained completely still. Watching what looked like tears pricking at Hollander’s eyes, he reached a hand toward him, but was cut off.

“You spend half the time talking to me normally and then, out of nowhere, you decide to treat me badly for no reason.” His voice remained low so he wouldn’t draw the children’s attention, but the frustration was finally showing. “I genuinely don’t understand what I did.”

“You didn’t do anything—”

“Then why are you doing this? What’s wrong with you?”

Ilya let out a short laugh, completely disbelieving. “What’s wrong with me?” he repeated, shaking his head. “I really thought you were smarter than this, Hollander.”

Shane felt his irritation increase immediately. “What is that supposed to mean?”

“It means exactly what I said!”

“Then tell me!”

“Why?” Ilya replied, his voice already starting to rise. “You clearly don’t notice a damn thing.”

“I’m trying to understand why you decided to act like an asshole toward me for days!”

“Oh, I’m the one who is?”

“That’s exactly what you’re being!” Shane answered without lowering his voice.

“You spend half the day talking to me normally and then, out of nowhere, you start treating me like I did something wrong. I talk to you and you answer with an attitude. I try to start a conversation and you shut me down. I just can’t understand what the hell is going on!”

The tension became heavy enough that Ilya noticed some of the children starting to discreetly look in their direction.

Without thinking much, he looked away and noticed the small door to the cleaning supply closet beside them. Before Shane could understand what was happening, Ilya grabbed his wrist and pulled him inside the room.

“What—”

Shane barely finished the sentence before the door closed behind them.

The small storage room filled with an overwhelming silence. Shane immediately pulled his arm away. “What the hell are you doing?”

“I’m not going to start yelling in front of the kids.”

“Fuck off. I want you to stop acting like an idiot!”

The two of them remained silent for a few seconds, only breathing heavily, trapped inside that small space surrounded by buckets, mops, and cleaning supplies.

Shane was the first one to break the silence.

“You know what? I’m done.” He ran a hand through his hair, clearly frustrated. “I really thought we were starting to get along since I came to pediatrics. I thought you were my friend. But for the past few days, you’ve decided to turn everything into one big mess.”

Ilya looked away for a moment.

“You have no idea what you’re talking about.”

Shane took another step forward.

“Are you mad because of Troy?”

The question made Ilya immediately look up, like a child who had been caught secretly eating candy.

“Of course it’s because of him.” Shane continued, already completely irritated. “You get upset every time I talk to him, every time he comes near me, and every time I try to get to know him better. But this has absolutely nothing to do with you!”

Shane repeated himself. “I genuinely don’t understand why you’re acting like this because of fucking Barret!”

Ilya pointed a finger toward Shane’s chest. “You know what? Fuck it. I was jealous, okay?” The silence fell immediately between them. Ilya ran both hands through his hair, completely overwhelmed.

“Fine! Was that what you wanted to hear?” he asked without waiting for an answer. “I was jealous every time I saw you following him around. I was jealous every time you smiled at him. I was jealous every time you kept complimenting those damn drawings and treating that whole thing like it had been his idea!”

Shane remained completely still, staring at Ilya like his brain had stopped working. “…Jealous?”

“Yes!” Ilya answered immediately, already unable to take it back.

“Jealous! Because every time I saw the two of you together, I wanted to rip Barret out of this damn hospital!”

Shane blinked a few times. “But… why?”

“Because I’m an idiot, Hollander.” He let out a bitter laugh. “And because I was losing my mind over being jealous of you.”

Brown eyes remained locked on blue ones for a few seconds, searching for some kind of logic that simply wasn’t there.

“Wait.” His forehead creased again. “You’re saying you’ve been acting like this for days… because of Troy?”

Ilya let out a completely humorless, bitter laugh. “Oh my God.” He took a single deep breath. “Fuck it.” He ran both hands over his face, and when he looked back at Shane, he looked completely overwhelmed.

“It was me.”

Shane remained still. “…What?”

“I was the one who wrote all those notes.” The words came out quickly, almost like he was angry at himself.

“All of them. Every single one of those stupid pieces of paper. Every ridiculous drawing. Every heart. Every stupid pickup line. Everything.”

Ilya continued before he could lose his nerve. “I was also the one who had the completely idiotic idea of putting that damn thing inside your locker.”

He let out another bitter laugh. “Because I thought you had never found any of the others.”

Shane blinked slowly. “…But…”

“But everything went wrong!” Ilya practically exploded. “Everything went wrong because I asked Barret for help, he decided to put that shit there exactly when you showed up, you thought he was confessing to you, and I…”

He ran a hand forcefully through his hair. “I managed to turn the simplest situation in the world into the biggest disaster of my life.”

Shane still couldn’t react. Ilya already didn’t seem capable of stopping. “Then I found out you had kept all the notes.”

Shane immediately looked up.

“All of them.” Ilya repeated. “You kept all of them in your binder.” His voice completely lost its strength. “Then I found out you had found every single one of those papers from the beginning.”

He looked down at the floor.

“I didn’t even need to come up with that stupid plan.” The silence completely filled the small storage room again.

“Since then…” Ilya took another deep breath. “Everything has been turned upside down.”

He rested one hand against the wall beside the door, staring at the floor as if that was much easier than looking at Shane.

“So I had to watch you smile at Troy, compliment things he never even did, trying to get to know someone who…”

He cut himself off, breathing with difficulty. “…who was taking the place that was supposed to be mine.” He gave a small nod, completely defeated. “So that’s it. Now you know. I… I’m sorry.”

Shane remained completely still. His eyes were still locked on Ilya’s, but it was as if his mind had stopped keeping up with everything happening around him. The words continued echoing inside him, one after another, mixing together everything that had happened over the past few weeks. The notes. The ridiculous drawings. The stupid pickup lines. The message about his freckles that he had read more than once without knowing exactly why. The folded piece of paper hidden inside his locker. The days spent trying to figure out who had been writing all of that. Then Troy showed up putting a note inside his locker, and from that moment on, Shane simply accepted that he had found the answer. He spent entire days trying to talk to Barret, trying to get to know him better, trying to give a chance to someone he believed had finally found the courage to confess. Meanwhile, the real person responsible had been standing right in front of him the entire time, losing his mind with jealousy, treating him badly, and suffering alone because of a misunderstanding Shane never imagined existed.

Shane breathed slowly, still trying to organize all those thoughts. “So… all this time, it was you?” He asked almost without realizing he had said it out loud.

Ilya let out a quiet laugh, completely exhausted. "It was.”

“All the notes?”

“All of them.”

Shane took a few more seconds before speaking again. “Including… the one that was inside my locker?”

He looked up at him again. “The one about my freckles.” His voice came out quieter than he intended. “The one that said you thought they were beautiful?”

Ilya closed his eyes for a moment before nodding. “That was me too. And I still think they are.” He gave a small, defeated smile.

“I wrote that. I wrote all of them. And I’m really sorry for all of this shit. I never wanted you to think it was Barret, I never wanted to treat you like that, and I definitely never wanted to put you through any of this. I just… couldn’t fix it after everything got out of control. Every time I thought about telling you the truth, it somehow felt even more ridiculous than before, and by the time I realized it, it was already too late. So I just stood there watching you chase after Troy because of a mess I created myself, and I turned my own life into hell.”

Shane kept looking at him without saying a single word. Suddenly, everything made sense all at once. The strange silence during surgeries. The looks Rozanov threw whenever Troy appeared. The short answers. The sudden changes in his mood that happened for no apparent reason. The notes kept inside the binder. The ride home. The badge Rozanov made for him to wear. The way Rozanov always found a reason to show up near him during his shifts. He had never connected any of it because it had simply never crossed his mind that Rozanov could be interested in him. Never. And realizing that now made Shane feel like the biggest idiot in the entire hospital.

Before Ilya could open his mouth to apologize again, Shane took two quick steps toward him, grabbed the front of his jacket with both hands, and pushed him against the storage room door. The impact was weak, only enough to catch him off guard. Ilya’s eyes widened. “Hollander, what—”

He fortunately never got the chance to finish the question. Because Shane kissed him.

With all the impulsiveness he had been trying to control since he arrived in that wing. The kiss was intense from the very first second, carrying all the confusion, embarrassment, frustration, and relief that had built up throughout those entire weeks.

Ilya was completely frozen for a moment, as if his own brain had shut down and melted right there, but as soon as he realized what was actually happening, he grabbed Shane by the waist and pulled him closer, returning the kiss with the same intensity.

This was exactly what he had wanted all that time, and he couldn’t believe it was finally happening.

When they finally had to pull away to breathe, Ilya kept holding Shane by the waist as if he was afraid that, the moment he let go, Shane would simply disappear.

The two of them were breathing a little faster, still close enough that their foreheads almost touched again.

Shane noticed first the smile beginning to appear on his face. It was such a big and completely stupid smile. Shane ended up letting out a small laugh through his nose just by looking at him.

“You’re smiling like an idiot.”

“I know.” Ilya rolled his eyes, making absolutely no effort to hide the smile. “I can’t control it.”

“You look stupid.”

“You just kissed me.” Ilya shrugged, still looking at him like he had just won the lottery. “I can smile however I want.”

Shane shook his head, amused by the completely absurd change in his mood.

A few minutes earlier, Rozanov looked like he was ready to accept the worst rejection of his life. Now he looked like a happy and content child.

Still, a memory crossed his mind and made his smile fade slightly. “Wait…” he murmured, watching his face. “I thought you were seeing a girl on the day of the overnight shift.”

Ilya took a second to understand who Shane was talking about, and then he burst out laughing.

“Oh my God…” He ran a hand over his face, still laughing. “If you knew how many people I managed to disappoint over the past few weeks…”

Shane raised an eyebrow.

“I even tried going out a few times.” Ilya admitted with a small sigh. “But it was a disaster. I would sit down, the person would start talking to me, and five minutes later, I would realize I was thinking about some idiot guy with freckles who worked as an anesthetist.”

Shane lowered his head for a moment, completely embarrassed, trying to hide his own embarrassment while an involuntary smile appeared at the corner of his mouth.

“So…” Ilya continued. “Yeah. Some people probably hate me now.”

Shane let out a quiet laugh. “I really thought you only went out with people for one night.”

Ilya’s huge smile disappeared almost immediately. “Wait.” He frowned, looking at Shane with a genuinely concerned expression. 

“Is that what you think?”

Shane hesitated before answering.

“Well… considering the reputation you have around here… I thought maybe…” He looked away for a moment. “If that was what you were planning to do with me, I just wanted to make it clear that it’s not going to happen. I can’t do that kind of thing and…”

“Hollander.” Ilya interrupted him immediately. His voice came out much softer than any he had used throughout the entire argument.

Ilya took a step closer, still keeping his hands gently on his waist. “I really like you.” The words came out with an ease and softness that even he hadn’t expected himself to have right now.

“I’m not here because I want to spend one night with you.” He shook his head slowly. “I want to take you on a date.” A small smile appeared on his face again. “A real date.”

Shane remained completely silent, listening carefully to everything Ilya was saying.

“I want to pick you up after your shift.” Ilya continued, now unable to hide the nervousness beginning to appear. “I want to take you to dinner somewhere that doesn’t smell like hand sanitizer or reheated coffee. I want to hear you complain that I drive too fast on the way back. I want to find out what your favorite food is, what movie you like watching when you’re tired, what songs you play when you’re alone in the car.”

He let out a small laugh, lowering his eyes for a moment. “I want to really know you.”

When he looked back at him, all the lightness that had been there a few seconds before had been replaced by an almost disarming sincerity.

“And I definitely don’t want this to happen only once.” Ilya took a deep breath before finishing. “I’ve been waiting to say all of this. So… if you give me a chance, I promise I won’t waste it.”

Shane felt warmth rise to his face as he looked at the same man who, just a few minutes ago, had been losing his mind with jealousy behind an irritated facade and now seemed completely vulnerable in front of him.

A small smile appeared on his face. “I’d love to go on a date with you, Ilya.”

. . .

Shane already knew he would be nervous, he just didn’t expect it to be this much.

After spending a few days looking like two idiots every time they crossed paths at the hospital and smiling at each other without anyone knowing what had happened yet, Ilya decided to make the date official.

He reassured Shane that he wanted to have a first date with him and that he wanted everything to be properly planned. Shane found it amusing since he never thought he would see Ilya like that. But he couldn’t deny that he found it nothing less than captivating.

Now Shane was in his bedroom, the bed covered with half-folded shirts, a pair of dark pants that had been discarded, and nothing had been decided yet even though it was already late afternoon.

He remained standing in front of the mirror, running his hand over the hem of his light linen shirt for the third time, smoothing out a fabric that was already perfectly in place.

Even though it had been a long time since Shane’s last date, it was still just a date. That was what he tried to remind himself as the nervousness continued to grow, making his stomach twist.

It had been almost a year since the last time he had agreed to go out with someone like this. For a long time, work, shifts, and life itself had taken up too much space for any attempt at getting to know someone else. Well, that was before Ilya Rozanov walked into his life and demolished every wall he had spent months building.

He opened the closet again and looked at the few options hanging there before giving up on finding another combination.

The light-colored shirt was still the one he liked the most. The lightweight fabric fell nicely against his body without making him look too formal, the sleeves remained rolled up to just below his elbows, and the brown tailored pants looked great.

He ran his fingers through his dark hair, trying to fix a few strands that insisted on falling over his forehead, until his eyes landed on the glasses resting on the dresser.

He stared at the black frames for a few seconds. At the hospital, he hardly ever wore them. He preferred contact lenses during his shifts because they were more practical, but at home, it was rare for him to be without his glasses.

He picked them up and put them on slowly.

The freckles scattered across his nose and cheeks stood out even more with the dark frames outlining his face. Shane tilted his head slightly to one side, studying his own reflection.

Would Ilya like them?

He brought a hand to the back of his neck, completely awkward with himself.

And before he could keep feeding his own anxiety, his phone vibrated on the bed. It was Ilya letting him know he was arriving.

Reading the message was enough to bring all the anxiety rushing back. When the doorbell rang a few minutes later, Shane stood frozen in the middle of his room for a few seconds before realizing he needed to answer the door.

“Okay.”

He murmured to himself as he walked down the hallway of the house, trying to appear at least somewhat calm. It didn’t work at all.

As soon as he turned the doorknob and opened the door, he found Ilya standing outside… holding a small bouquet of flowers in his hands.

There were only a few flowers, delicate ones that seemed to have been carefully picked. Shane softened right there. Out of everyone, Rozanov would have been the last person he expected something so sweet, thoughtful, and gentle from.

And now, it was exactly what he wanted to keep expecting for the rest of the night.

Rozanov was wearing a light linen shirt, with the first few buttons undone and the sleeves rolled up to his forearms. The light-colored pants made the whole look even better, exactly the kind of thing that suited him. His blond curls were styled just enough to make it look like he had tried… and intentionally failed at making them perfectly neat.

What enchanted Shane the most was the huge smile spread across Ilya’s face. It was so big that it was almost childish. He had really learned a lot from the kids.

“…Hi.” That was all he managed to say.

Shane smiled back just as much. “…Hi.”

Ilya discreetly cleared his throat before extending the small bouquet toward him. “They’re for you.”

Shane accepted the flowers with almost exaggerated care, as if there was any chance he could ruin them with a single breath.

“You… brought me flowers. I’ve never received flowers before.”

Ilya smiled even more, although now it was possible to notice the obvious nervousness hidden underneath.

“I’ve never given flowers to anyone either.”

The two of them laughed at the same time. Shane felt more relaxed when he realized that Rozanov seemed just as nervous as he was. He was almost worried about having nothing to say when Ilya—

“…You’re wearing glasses.”

Shane lifted a hand to the frames almost instinctively. 

“Oh… I usually wear them outside the hospital.”

Ilya continued staring at his face with admiration for a few more seconds, completely captivated. 

The freckles had already been enough to make him lose his mind days ago. Now they appeared framed by the dark glasses, and for some reason, that somehow managed to make them even more stunning.

Shane looked absurdly handsome. Handsome enough that Ilya completely forgot he was supposed to say something.

“…Wow.”

Shane laughed shyly, feeling awkward under the way he was being looked at. “What?”

“You’re going to start wearing those glasses every day at the hospital.”

Shane raised an eyebrow, confused. “I am?”

“Yes. My decision now.” Ilya answered with complete certainty, still unable to take his eyes off him. “You just created a huge problem.”

“Oh my God.” Shane shook his head, laughing quietly through his nose. “You’re impossible.”

“You haven’t seen anything yet.” Ilya replied with a satisfied smile. “Now come on, before I change my mind and cancel the restaurant just so I can keep looking at you wearing glasses.”

Shane laughed again, still carefully holding the small bouquet between his hands.

“You’re weird."

Ilya pretended to look offended, placing a hand over his chest.

“So cruel, Shane.”

The two of them continued walking through the small entrance of the house until they reached the sidewalk.

Ilya’s car was already parked in front. Shane glanced at it discreetly before looking back at Rozanov. “Where’s the motorcycle?”

“Oh, you miss it?”

“That’s not it. I just—”

“Don’t worry, we’ll ride the motorcycle together another day.”

Shane let out a small laugh as the two of them approached the car.

Ilya walked to the back seat, opened the door, and looked at the bouquet Shane was still holding.

“You can leave the flowers here. That way they won’t get crushed.”

Shane hesitated for a second before carefully placing the small bouquet on the seat, adjusting the flowers and making sure none of the petals would bend during the drive.

As soon as Shane closed the back door, Ilya was already opening the passenger door for him. He smiled and got in without hesitation.

Ilya closed the door carefully before walking around to the driver’s side.

The drive began with a light conversation, interrupted from time to time by small silences that neither of them seemed to find uncomfortable.

Shane watched the city lights passing by through the window while Ilya drove. After a few minutes, Shane noticed they were moving away from the busier parts of the city.

“Where are we going?”

Ilya smiled without taking his eyes off the road. “It’s a surprise.”

The answer made Shane remain silent for the rest of the drive. When the car finally slowed down, he noticed an elegant restaurant set along the riverbank. The enormous windows reflected the water illuminated by the city lights, and small lamps scattered along the wooden deck made the atmosphere feel warm and inviting.

Ilya parked the car, turned off the engine, and immediately looked back at Shane. “We’re here.”

Shane remained quiet for a few seconds, admiring the view through the window.

“…Wow.”

Ilya smiled discreetly. “Do you like it?”

“It’s beautiful.”

As soon as they were led to their reserved table, Shane had to resist the urge to stop for a few seconds just to take in the place.

The wooden deck extended a few meters over the riverbank, making it seem like the water began right beneath them. Small golden lights softly illuminated each table without taking attention away from the view, and the distant sound of the current mixed with the quiet conversations of the other guests created a comfortable silence.

Ilya pulled out the chair so Shane could sit down first. He was certain that by the end of the date, his cheeks would be hurting from how much he had already smiled.

“What a gentleman.”

“It’s a charm.”

Shane let out a quiet laugh as he settled into his seat.

As soon as Ilya sat down across from him, the two of them spent a few moments simply watching the river.

A waiter brought them water and the menus, quickly explained a few of the restaurant’s suggestions before stepping away again, leaving the two of them alone.

Shane flipped through the menu for a few seconds, but quickly realized he wasn’t actually reading anything. His eyes kept drifting back to Ilya the entire time.

After slowly closing the menu, he rested his forearms on the table.

“Can I ask you something?”

Ilya immediately looked up. “You can ask me anything.” He smiled.

“When… did all of this start?”

Ilya tilted his head slightly. “All of this?”

“The whole thing. You… when did you start?”

A small smile appeared on Ilya’s face.

“On your second day in pediatrics.”

Shane’s eyes widened slightly. “Second day?”

“Yep.”

“You’re kidding.”

“I wish I was.”

Shane ran a hand over his face, completely incredulous.

Ilya let out a laugh through his nose. 

“Shane, I noticed you before you even talked to me for the first time.”

“Shut up. Please.” Shane lowered his eyes to the tablecloth, too embarrassed to look at Ilya now.

Ilya smiled even more because of that. “I wanted to get your attention. That’s all. I thought it would be funny to leave anonymous notes for you.”

“Can I confess something?”

Ilya nodded almost immediately. “Of course.”

Shane absentmindedly played with his glass while trying to figure out how to explain everything.

“In the first few days…” he began, staring at the water for a few seconds before looking back at Ilya. “…I thought they were making fun of me.”

Ilya’s smile disappeared so quickly that Shane practically saw the exact moment concern took over his face. “What?”

“I was new. I didn’t really know anyone…” Shane shrugged. “So I thought someone had decided to mess with me.”

“Shane, I—” His voice came out rushed before he could even think properly. “My God, no. No, no, that wasn’t the idea. I swear.” He was already shaking his head repeatedly. 

“Jesus. I never wanted to make you feel like that. I just… I thought that—” He ran a hand through his hair, messing it up even more. “Wow, I feel like an idiot now.”

Shane opened his mouth to respond, but Ilya kept talking over him.

“I thought it would be funny. I didn’t think you would think someone was… that I was… oh my God.” He closed his eyes for a moment, clearly mortified. “I’m sorry. Seriously. I mean it. If I had known you felt bad because of it, I would’ve stopped that same day!”

Shane watched the entire string of completely tangled apologies without being able to interrupt him.

“I never wanted to make you feel out of place. Much less make you think someone was laughing at you. I liked you. It was the exact opposite!”

He couldn’t hold it back anymore. Shane let out the laugh he had been trying to contain, loud enough to interrupt Ilya’s thoughts.

“You’re laughing!? Hey, I’m trying to apologize here!” Ilya frowned.

Shane brought one hand to his mouth, unsuccessfully trying to quiet his laughter.

“Sorry. It’s just—” Shane took a deep breath, still smiling. “Because it’s so ridiculous.”

Ilya rolled his eyes, ready to argue back, but Shane interrupted him again.

“I spent days convinced that someone wanted to humiliate me. Meanwhile…” He looked back at Ilya. “…it was just you trying to flirt in the strangest way possible.”

“When you put it like that…”

The two of them laughed together again.

Ilya let out the breath he had been holding, relieved to realize that Shane truly wasn’t upset. 

After they placed their order, time passed faster than Shane would have liked. The food arrived accompanied by a conversation that the two of them seemed to have been postponing for weeks, maybe since the first day Shane stepped into pediatrics. They finally had the time they needed to discover what their lives were like outside the hospital. They talked about college, about their families, and everything seemed extremely interesting when it came from each other.

When they finished dinner, Ilya paid the bill before Shane could even protest. They spent about ten minutes arguing over who was going to pay, and in the end, Ilya won. 

As soon as they left the restaurant, the cool night air greeted them along with the peaceful sound of the water flowing right beside the wooden deck.

“Do you want to take a walk?” Ilya asked while putting his hands in his pants pockets.

Shane looked up at the illuminated river and smiled. “Sure.”

The two of them walked side by side without any rush, their shoulders brushing occasionally as they moved around the people who were still walking around the area.

Ilya glanced at him discreetly before asking, trying to sound casual even though the anxiety slipped into his voice. “So… did you like it?"

Shane pretended to think for a few seconds, deliberately bringing one hand to his chin.

“Hmm… I don’t know.”

Ilya’s eyes widened immediately. “What do you mean you don’t know?”

Shane held back his laugh for a few seconds before finally answering.

“I’m thinking about my review.”

Ilya frowned. “Review?”

“Yeah.” Shane shrugged with the most natural expression in the world. “The nurses are always reviewing the dates they’ve had with you. I thought it was my turn now.”

Ilya stared at his face for a moment before rolling his eyes, completely defeated. “Fuck off. They’re just gossipers…” He muttered, making Shane laugh again.

“So?” Shane insisted. “What score do you think you deserve?”

Ilya moved a little closer, a crooked smile slowly appearing on his face.  “It’s still too early for me to worry about that review. You still have other things to evaluate.”

Shane raised an eyebrow. “Oh, really?”

Ilya answered without hiding the playful confidence returning to his voice. “Of course. If it depends on me, I’ll give you plenty of reasons to make a lot more reviews than just the first date.”

The two of them eventually left the main sidewalk and carefully stepped down onto a few larger rocks that extended slightly over the riverbank.

The water flowed right beneath them, reflecting the golden lights of the restaurant in the distance, while the rest of the city seemed far enough away to leave that small space just for the two of them.

Shane stopped first, watching the current for a few seconds, until he felt Ilya move closer again. When he turned his head, he found those blue eyes already fixed on him once more.

Ilya didn’t say anything at all.

He slowly lifted his hand until he reached Shane’s face, the tip of his thumb finding some of the freckles scattered across his cheek and beginning to caress them with a delicacy that made Shane hold his breath for a moment. Ilya smiled softly, completely enchanted. “I told you they were stunning.” His voice came out almost as a whisper.

Shane felt his face heat up immediately, but he didn’t look away for even a second.

Ilya’s other hand naturally slid down until it found his waist, bringing the two of them closer just enough for the distance between them to disappear completely.

Then he closed the few centimeters that were still left between them and kissed him.

The kiss happened much slower than the first one they shared at the hospital. The hand on his waist kept him close, and his thumb continued lazily brushing over his skin as if Ilya could memorize every single one of those small freckles just by touching them.

The kiss between them became urgent. If there was one thing Shane had learned about Ilya by now, it was how good he was at kissing. He moved with effortless confidence, making Shane go weak, his knees unsteady from nothing more than a moment of kissing, and he found it difficult to tell him to stop.

Shane was rewarded with a squeeze on his ass during the kiss, strong enough to pull a moan from his throat. He knew they were still in public, and the mere thought of it should have set off alarms in his head by now. He didn’t know what had happened to him, his mind was clouded, tormented by a fog that made him completely dependent on the desire to have Ilya.

The usual Shane would have been choking on how anxious he was being, and he would certainly look back on this later and punch himself repeatedly for acting like this in the middle of the street, but the Shane of the present could hardly care about that right now.

He gave him one last kiss before pulling his lips away, his big brown eyes glazed as they remained fixed on Ilya.

“Let’s go to my house.” That was all Shane managed to say, almost like a breathless plea. Not even a second later, Shane felt Ilya’s hand tighten around his as they walked back in the direction they had come from, toward the car. Maybe Shane wasn’t the only one who was impatient.

The drive back to Shane’s place was hell, both of them trying to keep their hands to themselves, even though now Ilya had one hand resting on his thigh while the other stayed on the steering wheel, driving a little faster than he had when they left earlier.

Shane fumbled with his house keys when they reached the door, almost dropping them twice. Ilya was probably three times more impatient than he was, helping him get it open. 

He could admit that he felt a little dizzy before Ilya opened the door almost frantically, rushing inside and dragging Shane along with him.

It was almost comical, the way Shane collided against Ilya, throwing his head back to look at the closed door, quickly locking it behind them.

“Ilya— Before I—”

And there it was, he was interrupted by a pair of lips crashing against his.  Shane’s eyes widened, the kiss they shared now feeling completely different from any of the ones they had shared before.

Shane didn’t waste any time returning it, opening his mouth to give Ilya access as he felt his hands gripping his body as if he was trying to tear him apart.

It almost feels like they are fighting, grabbing at each other wherever they can while trying to gain the upper hand as they completely devour one another.

Even while dazed, Shane does them the favor of guiding them toward his bedroom, stumbling over a few things along the way that he honestly couldn’t care less about right now.

Ilya backs him up until he reaches the edge of the bed, the two of them falling as Shane’s back collides with the surface of the mattress.

They resume the kiss, messy and hungry, as Shane sinks his fingers into Ilya’s hair. He bites Shane’s lower lip, feeling a sharp sting of pain rush through him as Ilya pulls away from his lips and moves down to his neck.

“Ilya, are you going to—” He whined with his mouth slightly open as he felt Ilya bite his soft flesh, not hard enough to draw blood, but in a way that made him squirm.

“God. You have no idea how long I’ve been waiting to do this.”

Shane tried to process his words, his mind clouded by being overwhelmed by countless sensations all at once.

“I was trying to say— Look. It’s been a long time since I…” He glanced away for a moment. “You know. So I might not last very long.”

Ilya softened instantly, smiling at him. “It’s okay. I’ll make the wait worth it. Besides, we’ve got the whole night.”

“Jesus. Then hurry up.”

Ilya let out a low groan and kissed him again, their lips crashing together as Shane’s trembling hands clutched at his shirt. Shane practically clung to him in desperation, pressing his entire body against him as their hips brushed together in uneven, uncoordinated movements.

A surprised moan vibrated in his chest as the movement was returned to him, his clothed cock pressing against the inside of his thighs while his legs instinctively tightened around Ilya’s waist.

Reaching out, he blindly stroked Ilya through his pants, earning a gentle tug on his hair in return. He gasped, his lips parting as Ilya licked into his mouth before trailing down to suck bruises along the length of his neck.

Shane fumbled with Ilya's pants, his fingers hurriedly tugging them down. Ilya tossed them aside as he helped pull off Shane’s, throwing both pairs into the corner where they landed in a crumpled heap.

“The glasses stay,” he whispered quickly, helping Shane out of his shirt before pulling off his own as well.

Shane rolled his eyes. He barely had time to protest before Ilya was kissing him again, swallowing up any complaint. One of his hands slipped inside Shane’s boxers. Shane moaned, his back arching slightly off the bed as Ilya stroked him. His nails dug into Ilya’s shoulders, already embarrassingly leaking.

Fuck. If they kept this up, he was going to come before he even had the chance to let Ilya fuck him.

Reaching down, he gently pushed Ilya’s hand away, and the other man pulled back slightly. His lips were red and faintly swollen, and Shane couldn’t help staring at them.

“Can you—” he panted, trying to catch his breath.

“Tell me,” Ilya said, brushing a hand gently along the side of his face as he shifted between Shane’s legs. “What do you want me to do?"

He didn’t even have to think about it. “Fuck me.”

Something darkened in the other man’s eyes for a brief moment before he dove back in with even more force, swallowing the sound that fell from Shane’s lips as he pulled off his boxers, slipping out of his own as well.

Shane took a moment to get a better look. Jesus Christ. Now he finally understood why everyone was always talking about Rozanov’s reputation. He was stunned by the size of it. Long, curved, flushed red at the tip. It was far too attractive.

Shane had to close his mouth to stop himself from drooling.

Maybe another time, he’d be more than happy to wrap his lips around Ilya’s cock. But for now, the thought of having it inside him in just a few moments was enough to satisfy his hunger.

Shane was almost jealous of everyone who had the chance to see Rozanov like this before him. Now, Ilya stroked his dick to full hardness, pulling back a bit as he gazed down into his eyes.

“Top left drawer,” Shane murmured, already out of breath, wanting it as quickly as possible. Of course, Ilya already knew it had been a while since Shane had been with someone else, but honestly, all he wanted now was for Ilya not be gentle at all and make every day he couldn’t have this worth it.

He watched as he reached behind him, grabbing the small bottle of lube and a condom before coating his fingers in a generous amount.

Ilya gently held one of his legs, moving it to the side and Shane let them fall open wider. He looked back up at him as he pressed a fingir inside, and Shane gasped slightly at the intrusion. 

After a few seconds another was added, Ilya worked on spreading him open as Shane bit down on the back of his hand, watching him work through half-lidded eyes. Ilya ran a hand along his stomach as he added another finger, and Shane ground down to try and get him to brush against his prostate.

“Not yet,” he said– voice low as he tightened his grip on Shane’s waist, holding him down.

He watched as Ilya took his fingers out, which made Shane whimper, but he was soon rewarded when Ilya back up the bed after putting on the condom, Now their faces were side by side. He leaned in again, pressing their lips together once more before pulling back, holding Shane’s jaw firmly with one hand.

“Can I?” Ilya’s voice was hoarse, making his Russian accent stand out even more, Shane had to control himself not to moan just with that.

“Yes. Please.” He nodded eagerly.

So Ilya positioned himself at his entrance, slowly pushing inch by inch. 

Shane’s forehead creased at the immediate stretch, fingers gripping onto Ilya’s forearm that was holding his face so he could watch his expression. Nails digging into the skin, his mouth fell open slightly as Ilya bottomed out, and he looked down, seeing the prominent outline of his abdomen.

“Holy shit.” He panted, walls momentarily flexing around the length inside of him as he adjusted. Shane looked up, almost trembling at the way Ilya, despite being just as overwhelmed as he was, was still looking at him with such gentleness and care that it almost brought tears to his eyes.

Ilya took his hand off his jaw, placing it firmly on the pillow besides his head as he pulled out slightly– slamming back in with full force. Shane let out a choked-off moan as he was pushed further up the mattress, and his hands scrambled at Ilya’s back as he started up a steady pace.

“Look at you,” Ilya breathed out, voice slightly raspy from arousal. Shane’s eyes glazed over at a direct hit to his prostate, and he let out a string of moans. “So fucking… you’re beautiful .”

Shane didn’t even have time to process what Ilya was saying, too distracted by the way everything around him seemed to go almost white every time Ilya rubbed against his sensitive inside, and each noise that escaped the others mouth. It was all too much. It wasn’t enough.

The soft skin of his neck was exposed as he pressed his head into the pillow, biting down as it as Ilya gripped his hips, pulling him down in time with each thrust.

“Can’t believe you’re–” Ilya snapped his hips. “You’re mine.”

“Yeah. Yes. Yours.” he didn’t know what to say right then, when Ilya’s hands were everywhere all over his body, touching him softly before grabbing him with a bruising force.

“C’mom Dr. Hollander, am I doing a good job?” The words that were coming out of his mouth were intoxicating, and Shane felt like he was drowning in him.

“Oh my God, Yes.” Shane lets out an exasperated sigh. He couldn’t tell if he was saying yes to Ilya, or just from how good it felt. A sharp zap of arousal snaps from his dick straight up his spine, like a shot of lightning, at the mention of the term.

Shane’s stomach coils, face burning with shame when he realises he almost fucking came the and there. He almost slipped all over his abdomen because Ilya called him Dr. - holy fuck.

His nails scratched along Ilya’s back, legs wrapping around him loosely as he drooled into the pillow, eyes rolling back with every brush against his prostate. Ilya changed the angle, and he let out a broken sob, dick leaking uselessly against his abdomen.

If someone had told him that he would spend all those months without being with anyone just to make sure he had this now, he would have waited patiently with a huge smile on his face.

“You– fuck ,” Ilya sounded strangled as he spoke, and it send a wave of arousal through Shane’s body. “Shit, baby… I’m–”

The words rang in his head as they came out of the other’s mouth, and Shane allowed his head to be turned upwards so that they locked eyes.

Ilya gently brushed away the tears that had fallen down his cheeks beneath his slightly crooked glasses. He didn’t even know how long he had been crying. But it was so good. Rozanov keeping his face towards him as he changed the pace, thrusting in slower and harder, reaching places deep inside of Shane that caused his limbs to twitch.

“I’m close. So close. ,” he managed to say, gazing up at Ilya. “I–”

“Go on, baby.” Ilya held his waist, pressing down on the outline of his cock in Shane’s abdomen. 

The feeling set him over the edge, his body arched off the bed as he let out a high pitched string of whimpers, thighs trembling around Ilya as his body convulsed, dick leaking cum onto his stomach.

Shane rode out his high as Ilya picked up the pace, and he whined from the overstimulation. But, to Ilya, he would be good.

“Ilya, I’m…” He gasped with a trembling voice, honestly, he didn't want to be anywhere else.

He tightened around him, and Ilya let out a low groan as he gave one last thrust, burying himself deep inside of Shane as he came. Using his arm to steady himself, Ilya leaned down to capture his lips in a kiss, muffling all of his moans as he released.

They pulled apart after what seemed like minutes, and Ilya slowly pulled out of him. Shane grimaced with the sensation of sticky liquid running down his abdomen.

Collapsing beside him on the bed, Ilya ran a hand through his hair. He turned his head to the side, getting up after a moment of silence to grab his shirt tossed in the corner, using it to carefully clean Shane, and after he got rid of it completely, he returned to the bed.

He rolled over, so he was facing him. Ilya reached out, pushing Shane’s sweaty bangs away from his face and tucking them behind his ear.

“That was incredible.” Ilya smiled warmly, carefully taking Shane’s glasses off and placing them on the bedside table before leaning back in and kissing his cheek.

“Yeah. It was.” He whispered back, smiling with a stupidly satisfied expression. He hadn’t felt this at peace in a long time.

“Well, I guess now you can give a full review.”

“Ugh. You can be sure I’ll tell them the worst things so they never come back.”

“So cruel. It’s fine, I don’t need them to come back when I have what I want right here.”

Shane laughed, rolling his eyes and throwing himself toward Ilya, giving him a kiss that almost ended with their teeth bumping because they couldn’t stop smiling.

. . .

Rose was having her coffee in the pediatric wing, where she usually met with Troy and Svetlana to go over hospital updates from the week and just talk. It was almost always the same as usual, except that…

“Hey, guys!”

Troy, Svetlana, and Rose whipped their heads around, their jaws practically dropping to the floor.

It was Shane. And he had a huge smile on his face. No grumpy expression…? Rose didn’t even know Shane was capable of smiling like that without hockey or his daily coffee being involved.

“Hey, guys,” Shane repeated, walking closer to them. “What’s up?”

Rose almost passed out, if it wasn’t for the fact that she was holding onto the hallway wall like her life depended on it. Even Troy, who seemed to be the calmest one of the three, started stuttering. When none of them said anything, Shane tilted his head to the side and looked at them sideways. Then he laughed.

“What’s wrong?”

“Oh my God.” Rose covered her mouth with her hand as she stared at Shane’s neck. It was destroyed, covered in shades of red and purple. It looked like he had been attacked by a lion. Yet he was looking at them as if there was nothing unusual about his neck. Svetlana shifted her eyes toward Shane’s neck and tried to stop herself from having the same reaction, but failed miserably.

This couldn’t be Shane. Right?

A few people around the hospital told Rose to keep quiet, and she waved them off dismissively. That didn’t matter to her right now. WHO was this?

“You— uh, what—” They should probably mention the neck.

Shane raised an eyebrow. “What? Okay, you guys are being weird.”

Were they being weird? The guy had a berry-flavored fruit salad color scheme on his neck. Troy just shook his head and scratched the side of his temple. Shane’s unorthodox behavior could be addressed later.

“Anyway… Hollander… uh, do you have yesterday’s files?”

“Oh. No, I don’t.” Shane laughed. “But, you know I don’t work on weekends, I’ll try to bring them to you later.”

Troy sighed.

“Also, you guys don’t have to call me Hollander anymore. Just call me Shane.”

Troy furrowed his eyebrows. He was going through several emotions at once. Was he being tested?

“Actually, I’m losing my mind.” Rose placed a hand over her forehead. All of her composure had disappeared. It felt like her brain was about to explode.

“I believe you.” Shane points at Rose.

“Oh. It’s Monday. What are you doing here?”

Rose waves him off. “Doesn’t matter.”

“Hey!”

Svetlana, Rose, and Troy all lean to the side and watch as Ilya walks up behind them. Their eyes keep shifting between Shane and Ilya. It was always like this whenever they saw the two of them near each other. Without a coffee mug in Shane’s hand, who knew what weapon he would settle for using to threaten Ilya? A stethoscope? His clipboard?

However, instead of a frown on his face, Shane purrs, “Hey, Mr. Rozanov.” Shane laughs as he runs a hand along the collar of the shirt Ilya was wearing underneath his coat. He teases him as Rozanov approaches.

Rose tripped over her own leg. This was exactly why she never came to work on Mondays.

Troy tries to put the pieces together, but nothing is adding up. First, Hollander thought he was the one who sent the notes. Then, Ilya became murderously annoyed at everyone around him… and now Shane was flirting with his own stupid walking ragebaiter? Someone he had probably mentally threatened to kill a few times already?

The very fabric of reality was tearing apart with every passing second.

“Anyway, I have to get these files to you as soon as possible,” Shane mentions. Troy scoffs and waves his hands, surrendering. Honestly, screw those files. The end of the world was happening right now.

Svetlana glanced at Ilya with narrowed eyes full of suspicion, which Ilya only answered with a shrug and a smug smile. It was enough for her to understand what might have happened there.

Then she turned to Rose and Troy, much calmer than either of them. “So, is the movie offer still on? If you don’t want to go, someone’s going to steal these tickets from us.”

“Oh, uh, no, I’m still down.” Rose nodded along with the scene, but she felt dizzy. She might need to lie down.

“Rozanov.” Shane pulled on Ilya’s collar like he was a damn dog, and he smiled contentedly. “We have to go now.”

“Ah, yes. Okay. See you later, Troy, Svet, and Rose!” He waved at the three of them.

Rose groaned. At least she was still awake and conscious, or maybe she wasn’t.

In short, yes, Shane and Ilya had finally gotten everything under control.

They didn’t need to create much suspense after that day. Everyone could see that their relationship had improved, even though their usual teasing and bickering remained the same.

Ilya made sure to keep his promise of more dates and, well, it earned him a boyfriend and a new family to call his own.

And Ilya could say that, after dropping hint after hint, he finally convinced Shane to dedicate a page in the binder just to the two of them… only to find out Shane had already made one in secret! Naturally, he got his revenge by adding his own entries, so of course every part that was written and scribbled on ended up being his.

Chapter End Notes

THIS IS THE ENDDD

i hope u enjoyed my rushed drawings and designs. i was so anxious to post this, but at least they didn’t turn out that bad. 😉

tysm so much for reading all the way to the end!!!

u can find me on twitter

BYEEE

Chapter 6: author's note

Chapter Notes

THIS IS NOT A CHAPTER (yet) :3

please read it, i promise it will be worth it

Well… I’m not even sure where to begin...

First of all, I want to thank every single one of you for all the incredible compliments and comments I’ve received since this fic was published.

You have no idea how rewarding it was to see every drawing, every edit, and every chapter being praised after putting so much effort into making everything as good as I possibly could for everyone.

I honestly never expected this story to reach so many people or get this kind of attention (THIS IS SO FUCKING CRAZY TO ME). I have to admit, I felt like Connor Storrie after SNL, crying tears of happiness (it happened twice, btw). You can be absolutely sure that every positive and constructive comment was so appreciated.

I’m not here just to say thank you, otherwise I’d probably spend hours writing about how happy all of this has made me.

I’m also here to tell you that, after thinking about it… I’ve decided to continue the story after the (many) requests I’ve received!!!! The fanarts I’ve been seeing over the past few days has motivated me so much and given me even more ideas to expand this story.

I still don’t know how many extra chapters there will be, and I don’t want to make any promises yet, but with all the ideas I have right now… I could honestly extend it by another ten chapters.

. . .

And lastly, I wanted to reinforce something that has been true since the very beginning.

This fanfic was always meant to be fluff and humor, not something especially deep. I’m sorry if it wasn’t what everyone wanted, but from the very first chapter my intention was to write something silly and fun because I really missed writing something without so much angst.

This isn’t directed at everyone, but I think it’s important to say. From the start, I made my intentions with this fic very clear. If it isn’t your kind of story, please don’t leave mean comments on it like what happened a few times (those comments were deleted). Just move on to something you’d enjoy more. Seriously. I don’t want to lose my motivation because of things like that. :/

ALL THE WAYS YOU DRIVE ME CRAZY is going to continue because I’m incredibly easy to convince when compliments and excitement are involved. I’m planning to start writing right away, so… 

I definitely recommend subscribing to the fic so you’ll be notified when the next chapters are posted!

(If you come across any fanart related to the Hollanov Hospital AU, PLEASE send it to me. I absolutely love getting inspired by things like that. And the same goes for any ideas you might have, they're always welcome!)

That’s all for now. I hope you’ll keep giving it the same love you’ve shown these first five chapters and enjoy what’s coming just as much. <3

You can also follow me on Twitter , where I post pretty often about the fic and when I plan to update.

Every single one of you who shared this story or left kudos and sweet comments has a special place in my heart. Seriously.

See you all again very soon. 💗

Chapter End Notes

well... what can o do? i surrendered to all of you

remember to subscrive up to be notified! byee see you very soon guys muah muah 😚