Rating:

Explicit

Archive Warning:

Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings

Category:

M/M

Fandom:

Heated Rivalry (TV)

Relationship:

Shane Hollander/Ilya Rozanov

Characters:

Shane Hollander, Ilya Rozanov

Additional Tags:

Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Single Parent Shane Hollander, Single Parent Ilya Rozanov, Fluff, Eventual Smut, Romance, Slow Burn, Comfort, Domestic Shane Hollander/Ilya Rozanov, Holding Hands, Ilya Rozanov Loves Shane Hollander, Shane Hollander Loves Ilya Rozanov, Boys Kissing, Kissing, Making Out, Bottom Shane Hollander, Top Ilya Rozanov, Anal Sex, Anal Fingering, Blow Jobs, Hand Jobs, Praise Kink, Praise, Car Accidents, Near Death Experiences

Language:

English

Stats:

Published: 2026-01-30 Completed: 2026-02-07 Words: 61,172 Chapters: 15/15

learn to love again | shane&ilya

Summary

Shane Hollander and Ilya Rozanov are both single dads trying to figure out life, work, and parenting without losing their minds or their kids. Shane’s raising his energetic son Kai, who’s basically a little whirlwind on the ice and at home, while Ilya’s daughter Anastasiya (Ana) is smart, sassy, and has him wrapped around her finger. They meet because their kids are involved in hockey and quickly start running into each other at practices, games, and playdates. Through shared chaos, ice rinks full of screaming kids, they start to rely on each other. Casual hangouts become coffee breaks, practice pickups become dinners, and slowly, what starts as friendship begins to feel a lot like something more.

Notes

Welcome! This is something new for me, I never wrote something in this AU type, so I really hope you enjoy it! Leave your comments and tell me how you like it <3

Biggest thank you to my friend @toocoldforangel for always supporting all my crazy ideas and inspiring me to write more. This one is for you! <3

Chapter 1: meetings and ice rinks

Anastasiya Rozanova had him wrapped around her tiny finger from the moment she could walk. Actually, the moment she was born, Ilya's life that had been absolutely crazy up to that moment, completely stopped, and everything was spinning around this tiny little human being all of a sudden.
Today, she was practically dragging him down the sidewalk like he was some kind of personal assistant “Papa! This way! Bakery first! Then park!” she commanded in her perfect Russian that Ilya insisted she spoke, her little hand squeezing his tightly as she tugged him along.

“Yes, princess,” he said, smiling, because he had learned early on that arguing with Ana was…pointless. She had inherited her mother’s stubborn streak, and paired with her own sass, it was a combination Ilya had come to respect. One look from those big blue eyes, and suddenly he was tying sneakers faster than humanly possible, agreeing to extra cookies, or reading the same book for the fifth time that night.
He bent down to adjust her coat, making sure it zipped all the way up. “Papa, hurry! We don’t have all day!”

“I’m trying,” he said, though honestly, he was enjoying it. He liked seeing her so happy. Her happiness was his only mission. Her sadness, he felt in his chest like a heavy weight. Losing her mother had left a hole in both their lives, but he had promised himself that he would be enough for her, every single day.

The bakery was a short walk away, but Ana insisted on stopping at every puddle just to make sure it was “safe to jump in.” Ilya followed her like a shadow, smiling at passersby who clearly didn’t realize this little whirlwind was running his life.

After the bakery, it was the park. She ran ahead, swinging on the swings while he sat on the bench, watching her. He carried a small backpack with extra snacks, a water bottle, and maybe, if he was lucky, a chocolate treat for himself. But mostly, it was her world, and he was just grateful to be invited. Every giggle, every sudden hug, every demand, he cherished it all. This was single fatherhood: constant, exhausting, endlessly rewarding, and utterly, completely full of love.

Meanwhile, across town, Shane Hollander was already trying to survive the morning chaos brought on by his son, Kai. And by “trying to survive,” he really meant “getting repeatedly climbed on like a jungle gym by a tiny tornado.” “DAAAADDY! WAKE UP!” Kai yelled, vaulting onto Shane’s chest like it was a trampoline.

Shane groaned and grabbed the nearest pillow for defense. “Kai…buddy…just five more minutes,” he pleaded, though he knew it was in vain. The kid ran on chaos and pure energy, and mornings were basically his Olympic sport.

“Nope!” Kai shouted “We gotta eat, then hockey time! Maybe a snack! Or two!”

Shane rubbed his face. Yes, he loved this little monster more than anything. But yes, mornings were brutal. Kai was relentless, but in a way that made him impossible to be mad at for more than thirty seconds. Shane had routines, schedules, lists, and color-coded plans...basically a whole strategy to make sure Kai got a childhood that was fun but productive. Hockey practice on Tuesdays and Thursdays and the weekend. Guitar lessons on Mondays and Fridays. Japanese classes on Wednesday and Friday.
School, playdates, homework. And somehow, somewhere in there, just being a kid. Shane tried to make it all happen without losing his sanity.

“Okay, okay,” Shane said, finally sitting up and untangling Kai from his blankets. “Breakfast. Shoes. Jackets. Hockey.”

Kai grinned, bouncing on the bed. “Can I wear my red helmet? The cool one?”

“Yes, the cool one,” Shane said, laughing despite himself. “Then guitar. Remember Mrs. Lang? We promised her we’d practice.”

Kai scrunched his face. “Do I have to? I just wanna skate.”

Shane ruffled his hair. “Yes. But first we skate, then guitar. Balance, buddy. Life lesson number one, remember?”

The chaos continued: breakfast was a mess because of course Kai spilled the maple syrup all over his brand new shirt that Shane just dressed him in, shoes lost under the couch, backpacks were half-packed. Shane ran around juggling it all, muttering reminders.
Every moment was high-energy and unpredictable, but Shane wouldn’t trade a single second. Kai’s laughter, his little achievements, his hugs in the morning that made all the chaos worthwhile, he lived for it.

Being a single dad meant constant juggling, constant planning, and endless patience. But it also meant mornings full of little monsters climbing on your head, afternoons full of pride as your kid learned new skills, and nights full of bedtime stories and quiet reflection on how lucky you were to be trusted with this tiny human. Shane didn’t always get it right. Sometimes the schedule fell apart, sometimes the house looked like a hurricane hit it, sometimes he felt like he was failing. But then Kai would grin up at him, little grin that said, “You’re the best, Daddy,” and Shane knew he was doing everything right.
____

"Kai, stop!! You forgot your elbow pads!!" Shane ran after him, but it was impossible to catch him once he put his skates on and got onto the ice. He had already run a full lap around the rink before Shane even had time to sigh.

"Your kid?" someone spoke next to him.

"Unfortunately," Shane mumbled, then froze, looking at the man beside him. "I didn't mean it like that, just…"

"Relax," the taller man said. Shane could tell he wasn’t from around here, his accent was thick, strong, with those rolling R’s that gave it away.

"I know what kids can be like sometimes…" he added. Shane nodded, handing the coach the elbow pads to make sure Kai got them on, once he managed to catch him himself.

"Which one is yours?" Shane asked. For fuck's sake, they were talking about children, not dogs. He facepalmed himself in his head.

"The little girl over there," the man said, pointing. "With the blonde hair sticking out of her helmet. She insists she doesn’t put it in a bun because it’s not pretty like that, and I can’t convince her it doesn’t matter when people can’t see it because of her helmet…"

Shane chuckled and looked at the man again. "Wow. Girls are a piece of work, aren’t they?"

The man nodded. "Hell yes. She walks me around like a dog…" He extended his hand. "I’m Ilya, by the way. Ilya Rozanov."

"Shane Hollander," Shane said, smiling politely as he shook his hand. "And that demon I call my son is Kai Hollander. Make sure to warn… your daughter about him."

Ilya chuckled. "She can take care of herself. She got that from her mom. Her name’s Anastasiya, by the way. Anastasiya Rozanova. But Ana for short… She doesn’t speak English that fluently yet, so I doubt she’s making many friends here."

"And you’re not… from here?" Shane asked.

"No. Russia. I moved here when I played hockey semi-professionally, so I got my citizenship here…"

"I see… that’s… exotic?" Shane chuckled to himself. Wow, Shane, really smooth.

"Your English is still pretty good. How long have you been living here?"

"Around 12 years now… thank fuck it’s good, because I’d be concerned if it wasn’t."

Shane nodded. "And you teach her Russian at home?"

"Yes," Ilya said. "We speak only Russian at home. Which is probably a mistake, since she starts school this summer and can’t speak English that well. I have to take her to some classes before that…"

"There’s a good language school I take Kai to. He studies Japanese there, but they have an excellent language program overall…"

"You’re what… Japanese?" Ilya asked.

"Half Japanese, actually. My mom insisted Kai learn at least the basics. Asian moms…" Shane shrugged. Ilya nodded, scanning him briefly.

"Yeah… maybe… maybe you could give me your number or socials, and you can text me where that school is? I would really appreciate that…"

Shane bit the inside of his lip. He wasn’t very good in situations like this. Was this man trying to flirt with him? How was he supposed to act?

"Oh, um… sure, I guess… but you can just Google it too. It’s the Sunnyside School for Languages, that’s the name," Shane said quickly. Stupid.

Ilya nodded, looking a little defeated. "Oh, right… of course. Sorry, yes, I’ll just Google it." He turned his attention back to the little princess in hockey gear, skating around carefully, trying not to fall over her stick.

Shane shifted in his seat. God, what a dumb reaction. He might have actually had a chance at making a friend and he probably just blew it.

"Kai, stop that!" Shane yelled, standing up and leaning over the edge of the rink. He groaned as he watched Kai trip another kid on purpose; the kid fell on their side, starting to cry.

"Oh, Jesus Christ…" Shane sighed, packing up Kai’s stuff to move closer to the penalty box, where Kai would probably spend for the next five minutes.

"Hey, relax, Shane. It’s hockey. It’s kids… it’s normal."

"Yeah, I know. I just don’t want him playing rough like that, though. Hockey’s much more than that…"

Ilya nodded. "You played hockey too?"

"Yeah. For like ten years. But I had a knee injury from a car accident and had to stop… sorry, I’m yapping. I have to go talk to him, okay?" Shane smiled politely and extended his hand. "It was very nice to meet you… Ilya, right? Sorry if I’m mispronouncing it."

Ilya chuckled and stood, shaking Shane’s hand. "Don’t worry. It was nice to meet you too. I’ll see you at Thursday practice?"

Shane nodded. "Yes… yes. I’ll see you then." He waved a little and walked over to the penalty box where Kai sat sulking like a puppy. Ilya’s eyes followed him, and he couldn’t explain it, but he felt… curious.

___

By the time the house finally went quiet, Ilya could feel the day catching up to both of them. Ana changed into her PJs, standing still while he helped her. She climbed into bed on her own, dragging the blanket up and shifting around until Ilya tucked her in perfectly.  He sat on the edge of the bed while she settled, watching the way her grip tightened around her stuffed unicorn. Ilya brushed her hair back, and leaned down to kiss the top of her head, whispering to her how much he loves her and how proud he is of her and all the work she did today. He left the door cracked open, the light in the hallway low. By the time he checked on her again a few minutes later, she was already asleep.

____

At Shane’s place, the night ended just as it started, in chaos.
Kai talked all the way through dinner and into pajamas, but his voice got slower as the minutes passed. He climbed into bed without much complaining, shifting over automatically when Shane lay down beside him. Kai curled into his chest like he always did, one hand fisting in Shane’s shirt, his legs tucked close. Because this is what Kai loved the most, ever since he was a tiny baby, he would only fall asleep cuddled up to Shane, no other way.
Shane stayed where he was, one arm around him, staring at the ceiling while the house quieted. Kai’s breathing evened out, and Shane waited until he was sure he was asleep before pressing a brief kiss into his hair and standing up, walking over to just drop into his own bed.

___

Thursday was as chaotic as always. Probably even more so, because Shane woke up late to take Kai to morning practice. He scrambled around to wake Kai up, get them ready, manage to throw something into their mouths to eat, and reach the ice rink in about 45 minutes. Honestly, it felt like a little victory, and even though he had only just woken up, he was already exhausted.

“Don’t forget the elbow pads this time!” Shane called out as he watched Kai run to the changing rooms to get dressed. He picked up his jacket and the leftovers of Kai’s stuff and went over to the bleachers to sit down and watch the practice.

He scanned the area, finding a familiar face just a few rows down, right next to the rink, talking to a little girl who was trying to peek over the railing of the rink to look up at him. Ilya.

“Hi…” Shane said as he walked over.

Ilya turned his head and smiled instantly. “Oh, hey! Hey, I didn’t see you arrive…”

“Yeah, we were, um… running a little late this morning,” Shane said.

“Why, Kai slept in?” Ilya smiled.

Shane smiled back. He remembered Kai’s name.

“No, um… I slept in,” he chuckled, rubbing the back of his head awkwardly. “I was so tired last night. I had a lot of work yesterday and I just… blacked out completely.”

“Ah… you work every day, or?” Ilya asked.

“No, um… I’m kind of an online marketing consultant. So basically, when people need me, I work. Or when I book some clients… I work from home mostly.”

Ilya nodded. “Sounds impressive.”

“It’s not,” Shane chuckled. “It’s actually boring as fuck.”

Ilya followed with a low laugh.

“So how’s, um… Anastasia today?” Shane said her name with an English accent that made Ilya’s ears hurt a little. He wasn’t used to it, he only used her full name when he was angry with her. Everyone mostly just called her Ana.

“Ana,” Ilya said. “You can call her Ana, it’s much easier. She’s okay. She was really eager to come to today’s practice. She said she wants to make some friends today…”

“Oh, that’s cute,” Shane smiled, scanning the ice until he spotted Kai next to Ana and another girl. “Oh… looks like they already started.”

“Oh, would you look at that,” Ilya smiled. “She’s a really sweet girl. Shy because of her English, but… she really likes playing with other kids.”

“Yeah… I mean, I’d love to say the same for my son, but he can honestly be a menace,” Shane sighed. “He likes to be the center of attention, you know…”

“Oh, Ana does too. Don’t you worry about that.”

“Papa!” Ana yelled as she skated over to the railing, looking up at Ilya. “Papa, I made a friend!” she said in Russian.

“Did you, princess? That’s awesome… is it that boy over there?” Ilya replied, also in Russian.

Shane smiled a little as he listened to him speak in his mother tongue. He had always imagined Russian sounding like someone drunkenly cursing at him the entire time, but when Ilya spoke it, it sounded soft.

“Yes! He’s the same age as me,” Ana said. “He said his name was Kai…”

“I know,” Ilya said. “I’m actually talking to Kai’s dad right now.” He pointed at Shane.
Shane had no idea what was being said, but he gave her an awkward little wave. “Hi…”

“Go on,” Ilya encouraged gently. “Say hello, princess… in English.”

Ana looked up at Shane, flashing her sky-blue eyes at him. “Hello, sir Kai dad,” she said seriously, and it made both Shane and Ilya laugh.

“Hello to you too,” Shane smiled.

“Alright, go on now, princess. Coach is calling you,” Ilya said, nudging her lightly before watching her skate away.

“She’s adorable,” Shane said quietly, looking at Ilya as he straightened up.

“Yeah,” Ilya said. “She really is… and it looks like they might get along just fine.”

“Yeah,” Shane agreed.

“Maybe we’ll see each other more often then,” Ilya said. “If they end up being friends.” He looked at Shane, straight into his eyes.

Shane swallowed and nodded. “Yeah… maybe.”

Chapter 2: supermarkets and playdates

Shane was already mentally exhausted even before entering the supermarket. He had a clear list of things he had to buy for the house and fridge restock, but Kai being… Kai, of course managed to throw everything he could reach into the cart- what he needed and what he absolutely didn’t need.

“Kai, can you explain to me why you need four different flavors of Oreo? Since when do you like…” Shane picked one up and read from the box. “Key lime pie Oreo?”

“I’ll try it and maybe I’ll like it!” Kai said with a grin on his face.

“Do you even know what Key lime pie is?”

“No, but it looks delicious and it’s green and green is my favorite color, Daddy.” Kai picked up yet another chocolate bar off the rack.

“All right, that’s enough chocolate for you there,” Shane said in a firm voice. “Let’s go over to the fruits and veggies and you can help me pick them out, okay?”

“Okay!” Kai chirped and ran off right away. Where the hell does he even get all that energy from? Shane swore those kids’ batteries lasted 18 hours a day.

“Slow down, Kai, you’re gonna hurt yourself!” Shane yelled behind him as he pushed the cart. But Kai didn’t listen at all. In fact, he ran even faster, like he was trying to prove a point.

“Kai, slow down!” Shane yelled once again, and just as Kai was about to turn the corner, there was a crash. Kai bumped into a little girl, sending them both to the ground along with a small rack of biscuits that was standing on the corner.

“Oh my God!” Shane let go of the cart and ran over, kneeling down next to them. “Are you all right?”

He helped Kai up and then heard the little girl wail. He looked down, and the realization hit him.

“Oh my God, Ana?!” Shane asked, trying to pick her up. “Are you okay? What’s wrong? Are you hurt?”

But the poor girl wasn’t able to speak; she hid her face in her hands as she cried loudly. Then, around the corner came Ilya in a rush. He kneeled down next to her, immediately pulling her into a hug and speaking to her in Russian. “Hey, princess! Hey, hey, hey… it’s okay… what’s wrong? What happened?”

Then Ilya noticed Shane too. They were both still kneeling, now eye level with each other.

“I’m so sorry, it was Kai’s fault. I told him not to run and he… gosh, I’m so, so sorry. Is she hurt?” Shane sighed, running his hand through his hair.

Ilya rubbed Ana’s back as he comforted her. “She’s okay, she’s just startled…” he said, then turned to press a kiss on her head before speaking to her again. “Are you okay? Does it hurt somewhere?”

She pulled away from the hug and shook her head, the tears still streaming down her face. Ilya kissed her forehead and hugged her again, finally getting up from his knees and picking her up to cradle her.

“She’s fine… don’t worry about it,” Ilya said with a slight smile. “It happens to kids, you know.”

“I’m so sorry,” Shane sighed, getting up and pulling Kai to stand in front of him. He looked down at him, speaking in a firm but not angry voice. “Kai, apologize to her right now.”

Kai looked down at his feet, his lip trembling. “I’m sorry, Ana. I didn’t mean to bump into you and make you fall…”

Ilya smiled a little and nudged Ana gently, encouraging her to look at Kai. “Tell Kai it’s okay, princess,” he said.

She sniffled and said in Russian, not really able to translate to English yet, “It’s okay.”

Kai turned to face Shane, confused. “What did she say?”

“She said it’s okay and she’s not angry at you… she’s just a little scared.” Ilya spoke.

Kai turned to Shane again. “You’re not angry at me, Daddy?” His lip trembled.

Shane sighed and patted his head. “I’m not angry, buddy, but you have to be careful next time, okay?”

Shane looked up at Ilya. “Sorry again… and sorry we had to meet under these kinds of circumstances.”

Ilya smiled and put Ana down. “It’s fine. You know, just this morning she was telling me about Kai anyways… so it’s kind of nice that they met.”

“Yeah? What was she saying?” Shane asked.

“Just how nice he was to her during last practice, helping her with holding her stick,” Ilya said with a smile. Shane felt a little proud...Kai wasn’t usually like that, at least not with the boys. It turned out his little devil of a son had a soft spot after all.

“That’s very much unlike him,” Shane chuckled. He looked down and to the side, watching Ana and Kai walk past the racks of chocolate, talking and pointing to their favorite ones as if they hadn’t been crying just a minute ago.

“So, um…” Ilya shifted a little, looking back at Shane. “I didn’t expect to start bumping into you even here…”

Shane smiled a little and walked over to grab his cart again. “We needed to do a big grocery run, and this market was the best fit for it. You live close by?” Shane asked.

“Yeah, like a ten minute walk from here…” Ilya said and pushed his cart next to Shane as they walked behind their kids, who were still busy with their chocolate talk.

“Oh, by the lake? Wow, I love that part of the city so much…”

“Yeah, it’s nice. A lot of nature and parks, you know. Great for raising kids… great schools too,” Ilya smiled. What the hell, Ilya thought. Is this going to be nothing but small talk every time we bump into each other?

“That’s so cool…” Shane said. “It must be amazing to wake up every single morning to the view of the lake.”

“It’s nice, yeah… I don’t get to appreciate it much. I mostly just roll out of bed and go wake Ana up right away. I don’t get many mornings just for myself…”

“Not even, like…” Shane swallowed a lump before continuing, his eyes drifting away from Ilya’s gaze without realizing it. “Like for a cuddle with your wife or something?”

Ilya stayed silent for a bit before giving a weak smile. “No wife for me. So that’s a no, I guess…”

“Oh… you’re divorced?” Shane asked, his interest piqued.

“No, um… not really…” Ilya said, his voice getting slightly quieter. Then it hit Shane.

“Oh, fuck, I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to…”

“No, it’s okay. You’re okay, Shane, really,” Ilya gave a light smile and reached over to grab a few items from the racks. “It’s been years now. I’m fine…”

Fuck. Shane felt so stupid. He wanted to slap himself or crawl into a hole and disappear. But since he couldn’t, he tried to redirect his attention back to Kai.

“Kai! Kids… turn left now, we’re going to the fruit aisle!”

“We’re going?” Ilya chuckled.

“Oh, sorry… I um… fuck, I don’t know why I said that,” Shane laughed nervously.

“Hey, it’s okay. I need to pick out fruits anyway… we can shop around together, hm?” Ilya asked, and Shane felt himself blush.

He nodded slowly. “Yeah… sure…”

They walked over to the fruit and veggie section, already finding their kids over there, Kai picking out strawberries and Ana picking out apples. Strawberries were Kai’s favorite fruit, and he never had a good sense of how much was too much.

“All right, Kai, easy on those. Let’s leave some for other people who want to buy them, okay?” Shane said as he helped him put the strawberries he picked out into a bag, then into the cart.

Ilya stood next to him and chuckled. “God, he really likes strawberries, huh?”

“A little too much… Ana doesn’t?”

“She’s allergic,” Ilya said. “But she loves apples. She eats at least two a day, if not more.”

“Oh… she has a bunch of allergies?” Shane pouted.

“Strawberries, peanuts, and soy. So far that I know…”

Shane nodded. “Yeah, I’m glad Kai doesn’t have those. I can’t even imagine telling him he can’t eat strawberries anymore. He’d probably bite my head off.”

Ilya chuckled and picked up another bag of fruit that Ana handed him. “So… you asked me all these questions, Shane, but I never got to hear anything about you. You either asked about me or talked about your kid, but… I want to hear something about you.”

Shane gulped and looked over at him. “Well… what do you want to know?”

Ilya shrugged. “Anything.”

“Well… I suck at talking about ‘anything’ about myself,” Shane joked.

Ilya chuckled. “All right, fine… um… what’s your favorite fruit, then?”

“I like pineapple and mangos… and you?” Shane said awkwardly.

Ilya nodded and smiled. “I like apples too, I guess. Like father, like daughter…"

Shane nodded and then let out another nervous laugh. “Wow… this sucks. This isn’t really what you wanted to know about me, is it?”

Ilya shook his head. “No.”

Shane bit his lip. Ilya noticed it. And Shane noticed that Ilya noticed.

“I… um…” Shane started, but they got cut off by Ana clinging onto Ilya’s hand and whining.

“Papa, my legs are tired. Can we go now?”

“All right, princess, all right… just give me a second and we’ll go,” Ilya said, then turned to Shane. “Sorry… we have to go now. She says she’s getting tired, and we have a few more places to stop by before we go home…”

“Yeah, no worries,” Shane nodded, giving him a weak smile. “And sorry about earlier, once again.”

“Hey, don’t mention it, really. It was so nice to see you again… I guess I’ll see you on Tuesday at practice then?”

Shane nodded and smiled fully now. “Yeah. Yeah, I’ll see you there…”

Ilya grabbed Ana’s hand just so she wouldn’t run off again and started pushing his cart. He looked Shane in the eyes and smiled once again before speaking. “Goodbye, Shane.”

“Goodbye, Ilya,” Shane said, not realizing that his eyes were following Ilya as he walked, all the way until he turned the corner and disappeared.

“Daddy, helloooo!” Kai’s voice brought him back to reality.

“Huh? Why? What, what is it, buddy?” Shane snapped back and looked down at him.

“We forgot my cereal!”

“All right, we’ll get it now… but after that, we’re off, okay? We got everything we need.”

________________

“Papa, do you think I could go out and play with Kai sometimes?” Ana spoke from the backseat of the car. Ilya glanced up in his rearview mirror to look at her.

“Is that what you want, princess? You wanna go and play with him at the park?”

Ana nodded. “Yes, we can play in the park together. He said he liked the jungle gym the most…”

Ilya smiled. “Well, sweetheart, I’ll ask his daddy about it, and maybe we can figure something out sometime soon, okay?”

“Can he come to my birthday too?” Ana smiled.

Her birthday was only two weeks away. She wouldn’t stop talking about it, about all the things Ilya needed to do and buy to make it absolutely perfect for her 6th birthday.

“Of course, princess! Here, why don’t I ask his dad all of this at practice on Tuesday?” Ilya said.

“Yes!” She giggled and kicked her little feet excitedly against the backseat. Ilya glanced up at her once again before looking back at the road. He loved her so much… and loved the fact that she was smart enough to ask for exactly what he wanted too. He had to figure out a way to see Shane more, maybe outside of the ice rink for a change. And asking to organize a playdate for the kids? Fucking perfect idea.

____________

“Hey!” Ilya yelled after Ana as she reached the edge of the ice rink, already stepping onto the ice and skating off. “Hey, slow down, you’re gonna trip!” he called out in Russian to her.

Shane’s head turned immediately toward the voice, smiling widely as he saw Ilya. Well actually, he started smiling already when he heard the familiar voice and Russian, but seeing him too only made his smile grow wider. Ilya looked to the side, and their eyes met.

“Oh, hey there…” Ilya smiled and walked over to where Shane was sitting by the railing.

“Hey,” Shane smiled. “What was all that about?”

“Nothing, she was just running like crazy and I told her to slow down,” Ilya said as he took a seat next to Shane, their knees brushing against each other a little as he sat down. “How are you?”

“I’m great… and yourself?”

“I’m okay… tired, honestly,” Ilya chuckled. “I’ve had a crazy few days with a lot of stuff I had to do…”

“Oh?” Shane asked, leaning back against his seat, his body turning to face Ilya. “What’s going on?”

“Oh, it’s just… Ana’s birthday is coming up and she’s asking for a lot. Which reminds me...she asked if Kai would like to come to her birthday party.”

Shane smiled. “When’s her birthday?”

“November 14th,” Ilya said. “It’ll be at our house, in the backyard, it’s right on the lake...and there’s gonna be this bouncing princess castle, a magician, a bunch of toys, candies… So if he wants to come, she’ll be over the moon.”

Shane smiled and bit the inside of his cheek so he wouldn’t bite his lip unconsciously in front of Ilya again. Wow, he thought. He’s such a fucking amazing father to this girl…

“Oh, I mean, I’m gonna have to ask him, but I’m sure he’ll say yes. Thank you for inviting him, Ilya,” Shane said.

“Oh no, no, you should thank her actually,” Ilya said and looked around the ice, spotting both kids next to each other during practice, listening to their coach. Then Ilya glanced around the bleachers before finally looking back at Shane.

“Hey, uh… you wanna move a little further back? It’s noisy down here with children yelling and stuff, and… maybe we can talk more peacefully up there?”

Shane glanced up to the higher rows of seats, then back to Ilya. He nodded, his throat suddenly dry. “Oh....sure, yeah… let’s go.”

They picked up their stuff and moved a few rows up, where the kids suddenly looked even smaller, and most importantly, it was quieter.

“So, um… Ana had another question she wanted me to ask,” Ilya started. Shane leaned back and looked at him. “Oh?"

“She asked if Kai would ever want to go to the park with her to play. Like… a playdate maybe?” Ilya said, his voice nervous.

“Oh...um, sure, I guess. I mean… Kai loves going to the park,” Shane said, biting his lip again. Ilya noticed. And Shane noticed that Ilya noticed. “Maybe we can go, uh… tomorrow afternoon?”

"Deal..." Ilya said, not realizing he was still staring at Shane's lips. "We can drive over to, uh... Confederation Park? We don't go there often, but I heard it's a great place for a first date..." Ilya muttered.

Then Shane blushed and looked down at his hands to try and hide his growing smile.

"I mean... playdate. Playdate," Ilya corrected himself quickly.

"Yeah, uh... yes, tomorrow sounds great. Maybe around 4 pm? Kai has his guitar lesson around 11 am, then he needs to come home, eat, get ready..."

"Yeah, 4 pm sounds perfect... we can meet there by the entrance?"

"Cool, sounds like a plan," Shane nodded.

Ilya leaned back and rested one arm on the backrest of the seat that was in the middle of them, separating them. He leaned his head on his hand and looked over at Shane. "So... we never got to finish that talk from the supermarket..."

"About what?" Shane asked, fidgeting with his fingers nervously.

"About you, remember? You were gonna tell me a few things about yourself..."

"Oh... right, um..." Shane cleared his throat, and it was so obvious to Ilya how nervous he was.

"Well, um, I guess... as I said, I played hockey for a long time before I got a really bad knee injury from a car accident I had when I was 17... It kinda sucked, you know. Hockey was my whole life. I dreamed of playing in the NHL one day, I wouldn't shut up about it ever since I was like seven years old. My parents already fully prepared for the fact that I was gonna be this professional hockey player too... but um... yeah, I guess there was that accident and that ruined it all for me. After that, I went to college, honestly thinking back I just thought, like, my life is over... it sounds stupid, but..."

"Doesn't sound stupid at all," Ilya said, and Shane noticed how much Ilya was listening. Like... really listening.

"I know, but..." Shane sighed. "Anyways, I finished college, did some marketing jobs before finding this one that I have now... um, I got married at 25 and got Kai a year later and... here we are, I guess," Shane chuckled nervously.

"And your wife... what is she like?"

"Oh, um... I don't have a wife anymore..." Shane shrugged. "We got divorced like a few years ago. She left, um... it's honestly a long story..."

"I have time. We actually have around 45 more minutes until practice is over..." Ilya said, his gaze never leaving Shane's face.

"I know, but..." Shane bit his lip nervously again. "I don't wanna talk about it really..."

"Oh... I'm sorry then, I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable..." Ilya said.

"No, no, you're okay... it's just, as I said, a very long story."

Ilya nodded. "Well, um... what else do you like to do? Like outside hockey, obviously. Is there anything else that you're passionate about, like hobbies?"

Shane looked up at Ilya again, thinking for a second. "Um... I guess I also like going to parks," he chuckled nervously. "Helps me clear my head. Maybe I'd bring a picnic blanket and, like, a bottle of wine and just have a little... meditation moment there while Kai is playing. Um, I like movies too... I like horror movies, but I can't remember the last time I sat down and actually watched a movie all the way through because I either fall asleep or there's other stuff I need to do... don't even get me started on going to the cinema, I actually can't remember the last time I went..."

Ilya chuckled. "Yeah, I guess we're both in that... especially with being single parents, I guess? We barely have time for ourselves to just unwind..."

"Exactly... God, most of the time I think I can relax is only in the shower..." Shane said.

This time Ilya bit his lip. And Shane noticed. And Ilya noticed that Shane noticed. But he couldn't help himself, not with the image of this man in the shower painted so clearly in his brain.

"So, uh... yeah, that's all, I guess... do you have any more questions for me?" Shane chuckled. "I feel like I'm at a job interview all of a sudden."

Ilya chuckled too, sitting back up straight again. "No... but I'll think of some for tomorrow afternoon."

"Right..." Shane smiled. "It's not fair, I mean, I told you about my hobbies and interests, I wanna know yours now..."

I want to know yours now.

Ilya smiled as that kept replaying in his head.

"Well, before Ana was born I kinda... lived a crazy life, you know. A lot of women, clubs, alcohol... so uh, I guess nowadays my hobby is whenever I'm free and whenever there's someone to take care of Ana for the night, to maybe go out? Like maybe once every three months," he chuckled. "It just helps a little, you know, to unwind..."

"Ah, I see..." Shane nodded.

"Hey, no, don't say it like that... I don't mean I go out and get blackout drunk, I just go out to, you know, feel the buzz of people again, maybe have a few drinks..."

"No, I didn't think that at all..."

"I know what that tone of voice means," Ilya chuckled. "I mean, you're fine to judge me, but I promise you it's not what you think it is."

"No, no," Shane defended himself right away. "I promise you, I don't think like that and I'm definitely not judging you. I mean, you're a grown man and you probably miss the parties sometimes, so I think it's perfectly fine that you go out."

Ilya smiled and turned his head to look at Shane again. "I guess I do... but I wouldn't change this lifestyle I have now for anything in the world, you know? Ana is my whole life..."

Shane smiled. "That's so sweet, Ilya. And she's such an adorable girl... you know, I'm really happy her and Kai became friends..."

"Yeah, me too," Ilya said.

But not for the same reason you're thinking, he wanted to add.

_____________

Shane parked his car near the park and before he could even switch the engine off, Kai already bounced out the door and was jumping around excitedly.

"Come on, daddy, come on, they're waiting for us!" He yelled excitedly.

"I'm coming, buddy..." Shane said and put the keys in his pocket, picking up Kai's backpack from the passenger seat. He looked at himself in the mirror once again and fixed his sunglasses.

Can someone explain to Shane Hollander why he spent 30 minutes in the bathroom adjusting his hair, making sure it was perfect and putting on so much perfume? Who was he trying to impress there? Ilya? Maybe...

Shane adjusted his plain white t-shirt and tucked it more into his jeans as he got out of the car. He locked it and then grabbed Kai's hand, walking over to the entrance of the park where Ilya and Ana waited for them.

Shane could already spot Ana from miles away. Her long, usually wavy blonde hair was now put into two ponytails and she had these adorable pink overalls. And there he was, Ilya. Looking down at her affectionately as she spoke something to him.

Kai let go of Shane's hand the moment he spotted Ana and ran over to where Ana and Ilya were standing. Ilya looked up and once he saw Shane approach, he smiled widely.

"Hey there... sorry if we're late..." Shane said as he finally approached them.

For a second there, Ilya forgot how to speak. He thankfully hid his gaze behind sunglasses as he scanned Shane, taking in how handsome he looked. How can someone look so amazing in a plain white t-shirt and jeans? And he smelled so goddamn amazing.

"Oh, um, no worries, we didn't wait too long... uh..." Ilya said and looked down at his hands, and Shane followed his gaze down to Ilya's hand too. He was carrying a little blanket. A picnic blanket.

"I thought, you know... while they play..." Ilya spoke nervously.

Shane smiled widely. "You're a mind reader, you knew exactly what I needed."

"No wine, but..." Ilya shrugged.

"I don't think I'll need wine now that I have you to talk to," Shane added.

For a moment, they both just looked at each other through their glasses and didn't say a word. Ilya cleared his throat, which all of a sudden felt so dry, before speaking up. "Oh, so um... shall we?"

"Lead the way."

Chapter 3: picnics and birthday parties

Chapter Notes

Ilya and Shane sat down on the blanket as they watched the kids run around the playground. They kept a safe distance between each other, but honestly, even sitting like this felt amazing for both of them.

"This is nice, huh?" Ilya spoke first.

"Yeah.." Shane smiled and let his head relax back a little as wind blew, taking in a deep breath. For the end of October, the day was fucking amazing. Not really warm, but it wasn't cold either.

Ilya looked over his shoulder and watched Shane, trying not to be too obvious about his staring. But God, he can't stop looking at that man. What is wrong with him? Why is he finding him so fucking attractive? What is it about Shane Hollander that was so special? Maybe his freckles, spotted all over his cheeks and nose… they honestly looked like stars scattered across the night sky. Wow, that's poetic. Or maybe it was his flawless skin, even at thirty something years old, not even a hint of a wrinkle or blemish. Or maybe it was his eyes. Those two chestnut-colored eyes...Or maybe it was his lips… the curve they made whenever he smiled, the way they would pucker whenever Shane got flustered around him. What is it about Shane Hollander that's driving Ilya completely insane?

“Ilya?” Shane asked again, pulling him from his thoughts.

“Hm?” Ilya spoke quickly. “Sorry, what? I didn’t hear you…”

“I asked what did you two do today?” Shane repeated.

“Oh, um… we had a pretty lazy day, honestly. We woke up late, at like 10 or 11 in the morning, I can’t remember—and then watched Moana on TV while she drank her hot cocoa and I had my coffee… and then lunch, and now we’re here.”

“Oh, Kai loves Moana too…” Shane chuckled. “God, I envy you. He’s so energetic. I don’t get a peaceful morning, ever… the moment he opens his eyes it’s just this constant screaming and running around, and making him breakfast and taking him places…”

“Why do you push him to do so much?” Ilya asked.

Shane glanced over at Ilya, for a second, wondering if he was serious about asking him that.

“Well, the hockey thing… he wanted that. I showed him pictures of myself when he was younger and he said he wanted to play hockey like me… and the rest… I don’t know, I just want him to be versatile in a lot of stuff, you know? It’s not bad to be good at many things at once, and later he can pick and choose what he wants to do in life, you know… like who knows, maybe he ends up loving his guitar lessons and decides he wants to pursue music when he’s older…”

“Yes, but… Shane, he’s five years old,” Ilya said.

Shane sighed a little. “I know, Ilya, but… you know, it’s good that they start as young as possible…”

“Yes, but he still needs to be a kid, you know? I mean, he probably wishes he had a day for himself only with you, to maybe also watch Moana and drink hot cocoa and not worry about running around from practice to practice.”

Shane looked away in defeat because he knew deep down that Ilya was right. But also, being part Asian and growing up in that kind of household, he knew what kind of childhood he had and the expectations that came from that side of the family when it came to raising a kid properly.

“I mean, I’m sorry…” Ilya continued. “This is really none of my business…”

“No, it’s fine. I get what you’re trying to say. But you know, it’s not like he’s miserable going to all of these, he has a lot of fun…”

“I’m sure he does. And what do you do in the meantime while he’s, like… at his classes?”

“Usually, I just go and grab coffee or maybe a quick snack. I don’t have many friends, if I’m honest, so I mostly just hang around by myself…”

“Oh…” Ilya said, and it sounded like a sad oh. Like an I pity you kind of oh.

“I mean…” Shane tried, but his insecurity was starting to eat him alive at this point.

“You have me now, right?” Ilya said quietly. Shane’s face jerked up to look at him. “What?” he asked, just as quietly.

“I just mean, like… you have me now. We can be friends, I guess?” Ilya repeated.

“Oh… yeah. Yeah, we can be friends.” Shane smiled lightly. “For sure. I don’t know if I want to bother you with, like, my coffee and snack runs, but...”

“No, bother me, please.” Ilya smiled. “I love those.”

He bit his lip again. Ilya wanted to scream. Damn, that habit of his.

“Hey, um… that other time when you asked for my number, I… I kinda panicked stupidly, but… now that we’re friends, I guess… maybe I can have your number now?” Shane asked.

Ilya nodded and, without hesitation, pulled out his phone and handed it to Shane to write his number in. Shane took it and smiled when he saw Ilya’s wallpaper, little baby Ana feeding ducks by the lake. He wrote his phone number in and marked it as Shane – Kai’s dad before handing the phone back to Ilya.

“Here. You can just text me later and I’ll memorize you…”

“Cool…” Ilya smiled.

“Cool,” Shane repeated, then closed his eyes again, laying back down on the soft blanket.
___

2 weeks later

Shane pulled up in front of Ilya's house and it actually took his breath away for a second. This looks like a fucking mansion.... two stories AND has lake in the back? This is insane...

"Wow, is this where Ana lives daddy?" Kai vibrated in the backseat, so excited to just jump out and run to the backyard for the party.

"Apparently so...Hey buddy, you wanna grab those bags of presents for Ana? Make sure to give it to her or to her daddy, okay?" Shane said and turned around to check Kai's clothes once again and zip up his jacket. Shane made sure to dress Kai really swaggy, he put on a red and blue checkered shirt underneath and put a white jumper over it, making sure that the collar stuck out, along with some black pants.

"Looking good my man..." Shane smiled and then undid his seatbelt so Kai can go out. 

"Look, there's Ana's daddy!" Kai said before jumping out of the car, carrying over three big present bags.

Shane looked forward and gasped. Holy shit? Ilya looked... really good? He had this olive green silky shirt that was unbuttoned on the first two buttons, making sure the golden chain he always wore, which Shane only now noticed, lay perfectly across his chest. He tucked the shirt into black pants, and his hair also seemed pushed back a little, like he used some kind of hair gel. Holy fuck, whatever Ilya did today everything fucking worked on Shane.

Kai ran over to Ilya and stuck his little arms up full of gift bags "Here this is for Ana, mr uh...Rozmanlov..."

Ilya laughed gently, "Thank you so much Kai, wow you brought her so much.... here why don't you go inside and find Ana while I talk to your dad?" 

Kai didn't even wait for Ilya to finish his sentence before he stormed inside. Shane tried to pull himself together before getting out of the car and walking over to Ilya, shaking his hand "Hey uh...happy birthday to Ana" Shane smiled "I hope she has an amazing one today..."

"You really shouldn't have.." Ilya said, gesturing to all the bags Shane and Kai brought. Ilya could see a lot peaking from it already, there was some fabric, so probably something like pink sparkly dress, there were toys, dolls, something that looked like a pink hairbrush, maybe some hair ties and cute hair clips. Honestly, it was just a lot.

"Don't mention it" Shane shook his head quickly "I wasn't sure what she liked so..."

"Thank you again, really, she is going to love this..."

"Anyways I should uh..." Shane said, already ready to turn around and walk to his car.

"No? What? Where are you going?" Ilya pouted. 

"Oh I didn't want to bother I uh.. just wanted to drop Kai off and I'll come back later around 8 to pick him up?"

"No Shane please, come on you have to stay... when I meant I invite Kai, I meant you too..."

Shane wanted to grin like an idiot. But he didn't.

"No I really shouldn't bother.."

"Please Shane come on? At least come inside for one drink... you can even help me hand out the cake later!" Ilya whined "Please?"

"You're such a child, stop whining." Shane laughed "Alright, one drink only, okay?"

"Yes!" Ilya smiled and moved aside so Shane can walk in through the door "Come on in.."

Shane walked in and was trying not to look absolutely mesmerized by the house. It was huge, a huge living room on his right, an even bigger kitchen on his left, walls covered with pictures of Ilya and Ana ever since she was a baby.

"Oh wow, your house is...it's amazing." 

"Thank you" Ilya smiled as he walked next to him "Although by the end of today I just hope it doesn't get like completely run over by a stampede of little 5 year olds." 

They went over to a small makeshift bar outside and Ilya looked at Shane again "What do you wanna drink?"

"Oh maybe just some juice..." 

But Ilya shot him a look. "Yeah, that's over there by the kids' bar. Here we have wine, vodka, gin..."

Shane chuckled "I can have a glass of wine then. Only one glass though, I'm driving later." 

Ilya nodded and poured them each a glass of wine. He handed his to Shane then raised his own glass for a cheer. "Cheers?"

"To Ana" Shane smiled and clicked his glass with Ilya.
"Hey...we have this thing in Russia where...when you cheer you have to look me in the eyes, you know? I don't know if that's a thing here but...it's very important over there." Ilya said and raised his glass again.

"Oh..." Shane gulped and looked Ilya in the eyes as he repeated, "To Ana."

"To Ana." Ilya said, looking back at Shane with as much intensity. They didn't stop looking at each other as they were taking a sip of their wine either. Only after that did Shane pull his gaze away. 

"It's a great party you've made here...must've cost a fortune for all of this." Shane said.

"It did but... everything for her." Ilya said and smiled fondly, looking at Ana running around with her friends in her pink puffy dress and little tiara on her head.
Shane smiled at Ilya "Do you um... do you have other friends over too?"

"Nope." Ilya shook his head and took another sip of wine.

"Oh...just me?" 

"Yep." Ilya said. 

"I see..." Shane nodded "Well um... I guess I can stay for a while then just so you're not bored around with this many kids."

"There we go.." Ilya chuckled and looked at Shane again. Shane realized Ilya was staring.

"What? Do I have something on my face?" Shane said, rubbing his fingers against his cheek. God, imagine if he did, he'd be so embarrassed. 

"No no... I just... I never noticed how many freckles you had... on your cheeks, your nose..." Ilya mused. Shane looked down, trying so fucking hard not to smile widely like an idiot as he felt heat in his cheeks and in his ears. God, he wanted to die, he wanted to be swallowed by the ground under him. 

"No, stop that..." Shane mumbled, still grinning to himself.

"No, no, let me look.. I'm serious..." Ilya spoke softly "They're nice, really...they suit you."

“Ridiculous,” Shane said again, but it came out softer this time, like he wasn’t really arguing anymore.

Ilya smiled. “You say that like you don’t believe me.”

“I say that because you’re staring,” Shane replied, finally glancing back at him. “And it’s… distracting.”

“Oh,” Ilya said lightly. “Should I stop?”

Shane hesitated, then shook his head. “No. Just....maybe warn me next time.”

Ilya laughed under his breath. “You want a warning before compliments?”

“Apparently,” Shane said, smiling despite himself. “I’m not used to them sneaking up on me.”

"I find it hard to believe that people don't compliment you so often," Ilya said and took another sip of his wine.

"Well, you'd be surprised then..." Shane chuckled and also took a sip. God, he needed much more wine in order for this not to feel so awkward. 

"I am surprised. I actually don't believe you, Shane, you're lying."

"Am not!" He chuckled, feeling that his cheeks are still red. "I promise you, I'm not."

"Bullshit." Ilya chuckled "Just stop talking already..."

Ilya went to say something again but he was interrupted by Ana running up to him.

"Papa! Papa when is cake time?"

Ilya crouched down to her level, brushing a stray strand of hair from her face. “Almost, princess... Just a minute, alright?”

Ana’s eyes went wide, lips puckering like she was about to argue, but then she grinned. “Okay! But I get the pink plate!”

“Of course you do,” Ilya laughed. “Go sit with your friends and I’ll bring it out.”

She shot off like a little rocket, crown sliding slightly to one side, calling to Kai and the other kids about the cake.

Ilya went inside and got the cake out of the fridge. It was two-tiered, pink and purple, and it had a princess crown on the top level. Ilya put the candles around the cake, lighting them up before bringing it out and placing it on the center table where all the kids gathered around.

Ilya passed Shane his phone. “Can you take pictures while she blows the candles?”

“Of course, yeah,” Shane nodded and stood in front of the table, preparing to take pictures. The kids had already started singing the happy birthday song, and Ilya stood right behind Ana. Shane made sure to take photos of just her and the cake, pictures with other kids, and pictures with Ilya seen in the back.

“Alright, make a wish, Ana!” one of the kids yelled as they started the countdown from ten. Ana shut her eyes tightly, and by the time they reached one, she had already leaned in and blown out all the candles on her cake.

Ilya smiled and leaned down to kiss her forehead, and in that moment, Shane made sure to snap one last picture. It was such a beautiful and perfect moment that it captured everything.

“Oh, that was so cute. Here you go…” Shane said to Ilya as he passed him the phone.

“Thanks… I’ll check them out later. Alright everyone, no touching the cake yet! Hey, stop that! Don’t touch it yet, I’m gonna cut it now. Everyone, sit down and wait for your piece of cake…” Ilya said to the kids, then turned to Shane. “Can you help me out?”

“Of course, yeah.”

Later, in the kitchen, after passing out what seemed like dozens of pieces of cake—for some kids even double the piece—Shane and Ilya sat with their own pieces of cake, already exhausted.

“Mmh, this cake is amazing…” Shane said. “Where did you get it?”

“It’s a bakery near the ice rink…”

“Oh, you gotta text me the name. I gotta get one for Kai’s birthday too…”

“You can google it,” Ilya teased, shooting a smirk at Shane.

Shane made a face. “Ha, ha, funny. Yeah, I know what I said was stupid.”

“It’s good that you acknowledge it… and don’t worry, I’ll text it to you…”

“You need help with cleaning this up later?” Shane asked as he stuffed another spoonful of cake in his mouth.

“Oh, you don’t have to. I hired someone to come clean up in the morning… I’m already too exhausted to be honest to do any cleaning.”

“If you want my help, I mean…”

“It’s fine, thank you,” Ilya smiled. “You must be tired too… thank you for offering anyways, and I’ll see you in like two days anyway.”

Shane smiled. “Hey, I had fun today… and I can see that Kai had a blast too… thank you, really.”

“You’re welcome… I totally forgot to ask, when is Kai’s birthday?”

“March 26th,” Shane said.

“Oh… then I hope we’ll be invited too,” Ilya chuckled.

“Absolutely! You guys will be first on the list, especially seeing how quickly Kai and Ana are becoming besties.”

____

By the time Shane came home and put Kai in bed, he almost fell asleep on Shane's shoulder as he carried him. He couldn't stop talking about how much he was having fun, how the cake was amazing and how much fun they had at the bouncing castle and all the toys. He wouldn't shut up about it all night.

When Shane took a shower and laid down in bed,  he checked his phone and saw that he had notification from Ilya.

Ilya Rozanov: sent a picture

Ilya Rozanov: this picture that you took is so amazing. thank you so much for coming today really

Shane smiled as he checked the picture, and saw that it was the one he was most proud of, the one where Ilya kissed her head after she blew out the candles.
Shane sighed and his finger almost hovered over the "Save" button but he stopped himself. Wouldn't that be a little creepy? Having Ilya's picture with his daughter in his phone?

Shane shook his head and instead just replied.

Shane- Kai's dad: i'm really glad you like it, you two look really cute! and thank you too i had really amazing time today :)

Ilya Rozanov: yeah, me too :) i'll see you on tuesday right? don't dare to put on the sunglasses, i don't want you hiding those freckles again

Shane-Kai's dad: stop with the freckle talk!

Ilya Rozanov: are you blushing again?

Shane-Kai's dad: maybe...

Ilya Rozanov: i'm sad i can't see that then. they're always more visible when you blush ;)

Shane-Kai's dad: my god Ilya, stop hahaha i'm not used to this, i'm too old for this kind of talk

Ilya Rozanov: shut up you're not old! we're the same age

Shane-Kai's dad: then you're old too i guess

Ilya Rozanov: well i was gonna compliment you more but now i don't think i will

Shane-Kai's dad: well it's good to know how easy it is to shut you up

Ilya Rozanov: good night shane :(

Shane- Kai's dad: good night ilya :)

Chapter End Notes

i am uploading like crazy because i have no life and the only thing i do is write :) and i have no shame about it

Chapter 4: coffee dates and joined practices

Shane was already annoyed and tired and practice hadn’t even started yet.

“Kai, stop,” he said. “Hold still.”

Kai didn’t.

This was his third attempt on tying up the laces on his skates but the little demon just kept shuffling around and leaning over Shane's back, who was kneeling down, to say hello to every friend he saw arrive.

"Will you hold still, I don't wanna spend whole afternoon tying your laces here and you not even stepping on the ice?" Shane said in much more annoyed voice.

"Sorry daddy..." Kai pouted and sat back down. Shane finally managed to finish the work and let out a sigh of relief. 

"Alright, you're good to go..."

"Daddy, look, Ana is here!" Kai said and waved over to her as she just came out of the girls locker room, running over to him as fast as she could given that she was in her skates. Ilya followed behind her but once Kai and Ana met and said hello to each other, they both disappeared on the ice together.

"I swear to God the moment they step on the ice it's like we don't even exist anymore..." Ilya mumbled as he stood next to Shane.

"Yeah tell me about it...." Shane let out a breathy chuckle "They don't even turn their heads once they step foot on the ice."

"I was the same as kid.." Ilya said.

"Me too yeah..."

Ilya finally turned to face Shane, standing right in front of him "Wanna go and sit up there again?"

"Yeah about that uh..." Shane shuffled on his feet nervously "I was kinda wondering if you wanna go... like there's this coffee shop across the street. It's much warmer and quieter there and maybe we could go grab a coffee while we wait for them?"

Ilya smiled before even answering. Yes... yes, I'd go anywhere with you. That's what he wanted to say at least. 

"Yeah sure, we can grab a coffee.." Ilya said, trying to calm down his voice, to not sound as excited as he was in that moment.

"Really?" Shane's ears pricked up from the sudden excitement. Honestly, he wasn't that sure if Ilya would say yes about being alone with him.

"Of course... we have an hour anyways so we can enjoy some coffee and talk."

Shane nodded, the smile never leaving his face. "Alright let's go..."

They crossed the street and went into a small, cozy coffee shop on the corner. It was much warmer than the ice rink. Much more quieter too without screaming kids. There was quiet music playing, not loud enough to recognize the song, just loud enough to fill the silence. The whole place smelled like coffee and milk and...hazelnuts maybe? Shane couldn't really figure it out, but nonetheless it was amazing. It was perfect.

"What do you wanna drink?" Ilya asked as they reached the counter, barista already waiting to place their order.

"Uhhhh... I have no idea, hold on..." Shane said as he scanned over the menu that seemed like had 100 choices and each one better than the previous.

Ilya and barista waited for a minute. Then two.

"Any day now..." Ilya mumbled.

"Don't rush me! There's so many things here..."

Ilya rolled his eyes and turned to barista "One capuccino for me."

"And for you sir?" Barista asked Shane, her patience obviously running out too.

"I-uh..." Shane scanned over some more "I think I'll get this uh...caramel and marshmallow latte..." Shane finally said and both barista and Ilya felt like yelling hallelujah.

"Alright that will be 7.99 for you..." Barista said.

"I'll get it." Shane said already reaching for his wallet.

"No, no, I pay." Ilya insisted.

Shane snorted. “No, you won’t.”

“I literally am,” Ilya replied, fingers already on the leather.

“I invited you.”

“That doesn’t mean you pay,” Ilya said, frowning.

Shane shot back. “Just let me buy you a coffee.”

“I don’t need you to buy me anything.”

“I want to,” Shane said, then paused, realizing how that sounded. “I mean...not like— you know what I mean.”

Ilya stared at him for a second, then smiled. “You’re bad at this.”

Shane groaned. “Oh my God.”

The barista cleared their throat. “So… one card?”

Both of them spoke at the same time.

“I am paying.”

“I am paying.”

They stopped, looked at each other. Then while Shane scrambled to pull his card out of the wallet, Ilya was already quick enough to press his card against the reader and they heard a little ding of approval.

"Alright um... you can wait here while I make your order or you can sit down and I'll bring them to you." The barista said. Honestly, she just seemed like she wanted to be rid of them as soon as possible. They were probably extremely cringe.

"Yeah we'll wait here.." Ilya smiled politely. Shane looked so grumpy while packing his card back in his wallet and putting it back in his pocket "I can't believe you did that."

"Oh you can't?" Ilya mused.

"Fine maybe I can.." Shane glared at him "But next time I pay or else I'm gonna get angry." 

"Oh... I wanna see you angry, your freckles become more visible when your face is like this.."

Shane groaned and rolled his head to the side "Stooooooop." He whined.

"Never." Ilya chuckled and grabbed their drinks as they were ready. They went over and sat in the corner by the window, across from each other. None of them spoke for a while, both were too busy blowing at their coffees to cool them down before taking a sip.

"Mmmmh... you're so boring with your capuccino, this is amazing. You need to try this next time."

"I picked the capuccino because I just wanted to get this over with, you took so long with your ordering I was starting to think I'm gonna spend the night here." Ilya chuckled.

"Shut up, I didn't take that long!" Shane pouted. Ilya smiled at Shane's pout.Ilya watched Shane lift his stupid complicated drink to his lips. He shouldn’t be paying attention, but he couldn’t help it. Every little thing Shane did somehow made his chest feel tight. He noticed the small things, too. How Shane’s fingers tapped the cup. The way his eyes flicked up when he caught Ilya looking at him. The tiny smile he got when Ilya chuckled at his pout.

Ilya felt his stomach twist in a way that made him wish he could look away but he didn’t. 

He kept sipping his coffee, trying not to think about how close Shane was, how easy it would be to just lean in slightly, just a little. Just a tiny bit to be closer to him.... He couldn’t, of course, but the thought alone made him stupidly giddy.

"So what did you do today?" Shane asked finally.

"Ah we went to sign up to the language school. The one I had to google." Ilya smiled.

Shane rolled his eyes "For the sixth time, I'm sorry I reacted like that....and anyways, how did it go?"

“They were really nice, actually, and the schedule isn’t too bad, and...”

Shane nodded, trying to pay attention. He really was. He wanted to. But somehow he wasn’t hearing any of it. Ilya’s words were just… background noise. All Shane could focus on was the way his hands moved when he talked, the little tilt of his head when he was thinking, the soft crinkle by his eyes when he smiled. He kept glancing down at his hands, hoping Ilya wouldn’t notice he wasn’t actually listening.

God, he was being ridiculous. He should be listening, should be asking questions, should care about the schedule or the class or literally anything practical. But no, all he could think about was Ilya. That damn smile, the sound of his voice, the way his eyebrows moved when he was trying to explain something. He tried to remind himself he wasn’t some teenager crushing on someone, but that only made his chest tighten more. He wanted to lean closer, just a little, to see that smile better. Wanted to joke with him, tease him, see the little dimple that appeared when he laughed like that. Shane took a deep breath and forced himself to look at Ilya, really look, like he was listening. 

"And so yeah... she's gonna start next week and we'll see how it goes." Ilya ended. Did Shane hear anything Ilya said? Absolutely not.

"That's great. I hope she has fun there, I mean it's a good school overall..." Shane nodded, trying to be casual and force the thoughts he had of Ilya away.

"Yeah, I hope so too. She really needs to work on her English..." He chuckled.

"Why don't you start speaking English at home to her?" Shane asked and took another sip of his coffee.

"I just... I can't, you know, we just speak Russian all day, that's the only thing she knew ever since she was a baby, and if I start telling her something in English, she will look at me and answer me in Russian."

"I see... well, I'm sure she'll learn just fine at the school." Shane smiled warmly.

"Yeah... hey, I uh... can I ask you something, Shane?"

Shane got a little nervous. He hated this. This, and when someone said 'we need to talk,' felt like someone stuck a hand in his stomach and twisted his insides around.

"Sure, anything..." Shane said quietly.

"You don't have to answer if you don't want to, but uh... what happened between you and your wife?" Ilya asked cautiously. Shane looked down at his cup and squeezed his lips tight, tapping on the cup a little more nervously. He knew this kind of question would be inevitable, so there was no point in wasting time trying to avoid it.

"You don't have to tell me, I mean..."

"No, it's fine..." Shane sighed. "It's... it's a weird story, okay? Basically, um... we were never that compatible, I guess? I mean... she was a great girl I met in university, we had fun, you know, she's nice and sweet... but it was never like... there was never that big level of attraction to her. I mean, she felt it, she knew it, but still... we got used to each other, you know? We got married, we had Kai, but uh..." Shane took a deep breath.

"One night we had this huge fight... and um... I came out to her as, uh... gay. Which I guess was the reason we weren't compatible this entire time, but I didn't want to admit it to myself or anyone, especially then when I was married... so that turned into this whole shit show, and she, like... called my parents and told them that, called her parents and told them... it was crazy, and she packed her things that night and just left. Left both me and Kai, who was like... 2 years old at that time. That part hurt me the most because, like... are you not a mother? Like okay, be angry with me, take it out on me, but to leave him just like that? I was honestly heartbroken for him..." Shane didn't realize that there was a single tear running down his face as he continued talking. "So, uh... she left, went to stay with her parents and filed for divorce in the meantime... she came by sometimes to check on Kai, but she just... she left him with me. I don't want to say she didn't care because I'm sure that deep down she did, but at that moment it felt like it, like she didn't give a flying fuck. Anyways, the court awarded him to me, and... he goes for, like, a weekend over at hers every couple of months nowadays. Whenever she has time? Stupid... but, uh... yeah, that's my story..." Shane said, fully looking down to try and hide his tear-filled eyes. He didn't even dare to look up at Ilya.

"I'm so sorry, Shane, I really didn't mean to make you upset like this..." Ilya said sincerely.

"It's fine... it's not her I'm crying over, it's... Kai. I mean, ever since he was born he was this cutest little baby, and he would just make you smile all the time... just thinking that anyone has the heart to leave someone like that, someone so pure and sweet... that pains me."

"Hey, Shane..." Ilya moved his hands closer to Shane. He wanted to put his hands over Shane's so fucking bad, just to comfort him. But he didn't. He thought it would be too much.

"Look, I know it's awful, but... Kai has one amazing parent and that's you. You're the best dad he could ever ask for, I mean it..."

Shane let out a little chuckle. "Well, I try to be at least..."

"You really are. I mean... I don't know you for that long, but I can see how much you're trying to just give him everything he wants, and you don't even get a moment to enjoy yourself, your whole life is devoted to him. That's amazing..." Ilya smiled a little.

Shane finally looked up. "Well... I guess a moment like this is the one where I can enjoy myself a little bit..."

"There you go..." Ilya smiled too. "Did you, uh... did you try and find any romantic partners after she left?"

Shane shook his head. "No. I mean... I kinda went out on like two dates, had hookups and never heard from them again, so I guess that doesn't count. And that was like 2 years ago too, so nothing recent..."

Ilya was quiet for a second, then he exhaled slowly and gave a small, almost thoughtful smile. “Okay,” he said. “We’re officially done with heavy topics for today.”

Shane let out a breath he didn’t realize he was holding. “Thank you.”

Ilya nodded once, then glanced around the café before looking back at him. “For what it’s worth… I’m glad you told me. It says a lot about you.”

Shane’s fingers tightened around his cup. “In a good way?”

“In a good way,” Ilya said without hesitation. 

Something in Shane’s chest loosened. He exhaled. “You’re… easy to talk to.”

Ilya’s brow lifted slightly. “That sounds dangerously close to a compliment.”

Shane’s lips curved into a smile. “It is.”

Ilya laughed. “Oh wow, Shane Hollander giving compliments back??? Impossible!”

“Shut up,” Shane laughed too and rolled his eyes at Ilya. “You’re impossible.”

“Although for a first compliment I receive from you, I expected something a little different...”

“Oh? Like what?”

“Hmm, I don’t know, like: you’re nice, Ilya, your hair looks pretty, you’re handsome, Ilya...”

“Why do I need to say all of that when you already know it about yourself?” Shane chuckled and took another sip of his coffee.

“Ah, but this is different... you know your freckles are cute too, but you probably like hearing me say it too!”

“I actually hate my freckles, if you want me to be honest...”

Ilya gasped and dramatically held a hand to his chest.

“What?” Shane snorted.

“I will pretend those words never left your mouth and that I didn’t hear them. Ever,” Ilya spoke dramatically.

“What? I’m serious, I never really liked them...”

“Shush!” Ilya said quickly, holding a finger up. “We do not speak bullshit to each other. You can’t say that about your freckles, they are beautiful!”

Ilya leaned in a little, like he was studying Shane's face even more to try and prove a point.. “They’re not just freckles. They’re like...” he waved his hand vaguely near Shane’s face, “...they make you look softer.”

Shane scoffed. “No, they make me look like I forgot sunscreen.”

“That’s a lie,” Ilya said immediately.

Shane scoffed. “I didn’t ask for this level of attention.”

“Sure you did,” Ilya replied. “You sat across from me. Rookie mistake.”

Shane laughed, shaking his head. “You’re unbelievable.”

"And you're blushing again." Ilya smirked but hid his smirk behind his cup of coffee as he took a sip. Shane shook his head again and turned his head to the side to look out the window, to just try and hide the redness on his cheeks. Why the hell was he so squirmish around Ilya?

“Hey, Shane, listen to me…” Ilya started. “We joke and everything, but… I am serious. I really like your freckles. They’re beautiful....and they make you beautiful too.” There was a hint of insecurity in his voice. “I-I’m not joking when I say that I want to look at them every single time I see you…”

Shane looked at Ilya, and their eyes met. Absentmindedly, Shane bit his lip again. This time, Ilya bit his own lip too when he noticed.

“Thank you…” Shane said quietly. “Really… and if it matters that much to you, I won’t try to hide them from you anymore... I’ll try.” Shane smiled a little. “You can look at them whenever you want.”

“Whenever?” Ilya smiled.

“Yeah. Whenever.”

“Careful with that, because I might start asking you to send me a picture of you just to see them…”

Shane laughed and shook his head. “You’re unbelievable.”

Shane’s brain finally caught up with what was happening.

What were they doing right now? This didn’t feel like friendly teasing anymore. This felt… intentional. Charged in a way Shane hadn’t let himself feel in a long time. People didn’t talk like this without meaning something. They didn’t look at each other like that unless there was something underneath it.

Was Ilya so obviously flirting with him?

The thought made Shane’s stomach flip in a way that was equal parts terrifying and thrilling. He tried to tell himself that Ilya was just like this, warm, expressive, affectionate—but that excuse felt thinner by the second. Friends didn’t talk about wanting to look at someone like that. Friends didn’t make his pulse race just by smiling. And the worst part was how badly Shane wanted it to be true. The idea that Ilya might actually like him, not as a friend, not as Kai’s dad —but as a man… it felt dangerous. Shane had spent years locking that part of himself away, convincing himself it wasn’t worth touching again. 

Yet here he was, sitting across from Ilya, heart beating too fast. Shane took another sip of his coffee, mostly to hide his face. If Ilya really did like him like that… Shane wasn’t sure he trusted himself not to lean straight into it.

_____________

2 weeks later

Today was the "Bring your parent to practice day". Well, most other parents weren't as excited because the moment they stepped on the ice, 90% of them fell down like a bambi. For most other parents this practice consisted of just trying to skate around, maybe have their kids teach them how to hold a stick and how to hit a puck. But not for Ilya and Shane, obviously.

Kai and Ana were practically bouncing off the boards.

“Dad! You have to go! Go!” Kai shouted, practically dragging Shane toward the ice.

Shane groaned, tightening his helmet. “I’m going I'm going just let me adjust my helmet Kai! I don't know why this won't fit...”

“Liar,” Ilya called from the other side, lacing his skates like he’d been doing this his whole life....which, let’s be honest, he had. Shane narrowed his eyes. “You’re just scared you’ll lose.” Ilya teased.

“I’m not scared,” Shane muttered, stepping onto the ice. Almost immediately, he felt the familiar rush, the old muscle memory kicking in. God, he hadn’t realized how much he’d missed this.

Ilya skated over, stick in hand, eyes locked on Shane. “Ready to get embarrassed?”

Shane smirked, ignoring the faint butterflies in his stomach from being this close to Ilya even during this fake face off. “In your dreams, Ilya.”

The kids formed a chaotic little cheering section near the railing, Ana waving her little arms and Kai jumping up and down like a maniac.

“Loser buys hot chocolate!” Kai yelled.

Shane shot Ilya a glance. “Oh, you’re on.”

Ilya grinned, dropping into a low stance like they were about to start an actual game. Shane matched him, instincts kicking in, and for a second, they weren’t just dads — they were competitors, laughing, teasing, circling each other.

The coach laughed at them and blew his whistle.

And just like that, the rink exploded into chaos.The puck slid across the ice, and he made a split-second decision to block it before Ilya could grab it.

“Ha! Got it!” Shane shouted, grinning, feeling like he actually had the upper hand.

Ilya laughed, eyes narrowed in mock challenge. “You wish! That was nothing!” He zoomed past Shane, skating low and fast, stealing the puck right from under him.

“Hey! That’s cheating!” Shane yelled, chasing after him.

“Not cheating,” Ilya said, smirking over his shoulder. “Skill.”

Shane huffed, heart hammering. He swung his stick, trying to intercept, and for a second they almost collided shoulder to shoulder. He felt a stupid little spark run through him at how close they were.

Ilya turned back in time, blocking it with a quick sweep of his stick. “Nice try,” he said, smirking. “But you’re predictable.”

Shane huffed, skating in tight circles around him, trying to anticipate his next move. “Predictable? I am not predictable!”

Ilya grinned, pretending to fake left, then spinning right, and Shane almost fell trying to keep up. “Uh-huh. Sure you’re not.”

The kids were yelling, laughing, cheering, some running along the boards trying to keep up with the chaos. Shane pushed harder, finally managing to knock the puck past Ilya’s stick… almost. Ilya lunged last second and deflected it again.

“You really want to win this badly, huh?” Ilya teased.

“Of course I do!” Shane shouted, spinning quickly, trying to fake left and shoot right. The puck skidded past Ilya’s defense for just a second before finally making it into the net. The cheers from the kids exploded and as Shane could hear, Kai was the loudest, like his own personal cheerleader.

"Yes daddy!!" He cheered. Shane looked around at them before looking at Ilya and skated little closer to him.

"Wow you still haven't lost your touch Rozanov..." Shane teased "I see you were a strong player."

"You haven't either Hollander. Congratulatuons on that goal." Ilya smiled "Hot chocolates on me, in the coffee shop after the practice."

"Mmh, deal." Shane smiled and skated away, skating towards Kai to hug him.

_____________

That night, Shane and Ilya texted for what seemed like hours. After both of them put their kids to bed, took a nice long shower and both laid in the bed, giggling to their phones like teenagers.

Ilya Rozanov: i have to admit you really surprised me there on the ice today

Shane-Kai's dad: oh did i? well what can i say, i was once youngest player to be possibly drafted into the NHL

Ilya Rozanov: yes but let me remind you- you weren't drafted

Shane- Kai's dad: hurtful, ilya

Ilya Rozanov: sorry not sorry

Shane-Kai's dad: well now i'm going to cry :(

Ilya Rozanov: aw :( make sure to wipe your tears with an old jersey maybe it will hurt less

Shane-Kai's dad: ok you're officially an asshole and i'm done texting you for tonight

Ilya Rozanov: mmh, no you're not. 

Ilya Rozanov: you know i'm just joking

Ilya Rozanov: come on shane, i'm sorry i was kidding. 

Ilya Rozanov: you're a child

Shane-Kai's dad: look who says

Ilya Rozanov: hey i have something to make you feel better?

Shane-Kai's dad: oh and what's that? 

Ilya Rozanov: sent a picture

Shane bit his lip the moment he opened the picture.Ilya was lying on his bed, shirtless, sprawled out on the sheets with a lazy, playful smile on his face. His hair was messy, falling over his forehead.

Shane’s eyes lingered a second too long on the curve of Ilya’s shoulder, the line of his jaw, the relaxed way he held himself. He swallowed hard, heart racing.

This time, he hovered over the "Save" button and clicked it without hesitation.

Shane-Kai's dad: yeah, that definitely made me feel a little better :)

Ilya Rozanov: took you a while to reply. you weren't drooling were you?

Shane-Kai's dad: stop it ilya you're such a child. of course I wasn't drooling

Ilya Rozanov: and where's my picture? :(

Shane sighed and shook his head, snapping a little picture for Ilya too. Then sent it to him.

When the next message popped up, Ilya almost choked on his own spit.Shane was also shirtless, leaning back on the headrest of the bed, one arm draped lazily behind his head. His chest was broad, his shoulders strong, and the easy way he lounged made it impossible not to stare. And those damn freckles, still visible even in a dark room like this. Ilya’s fingers froze on his phone.

Ilya Rozanov: wow now I'm drooling.

Shane-Kai's dad: goodnight Ilya!!!

Ilya Rozanov: good night Shane :)

Chapter 5: zoo trips and soft touches

One month later

The car screeched to a stop in the parking lot, and chaos erupted right away.

"Lions! I want lions first! Papa, papa, hurry!” Ana shouted, bouncing in her seat like she had springs in her legs.

“Elephants! Elephants!” Kai chimed in from his side, leaning so far forward that Shane thought he might launch straight through the windshield.

Shane pinched the bridge of his nose and groaned from the passenger seat. “Oh my god… Ilya, why did we agree to this?”

Ilya, already unbuckling Ana with a grin, looked way too calm. “Because, Shane,” he said teasingly, “you’re fun when you’re miserable.”

“I’m not miserable,” Shane muttered, though his lips twitched suspiciously at the corners. “I just… we could’ve picked a quieter activity for this Sunday.”

Ilya laughed as he lifted Ana out of the car. “Quiet? With kids? Did you become a father yesterday, Shane?”

Shane rolled his eyes but couldn’t help sneaking a glance at him. Kai had already jumped out and grabbed Shane’s hand, dragging him forward before he could protest. “Come on, Dad! We’re gonna see the elephants first! Run!”

Shane let out a dramatic sigh and followed. “I’m gonna regret this…”

They passed through the entrance, Shane still holding Kai’s hand while Ana skipped ahead, her little backpack bouncing on her shoulders.

“Okay, first stop,” Ilya announced, “lions, then elephants, then whatever the kids scream at next.”

“Yeah, sure,” Shane muttered. “Because that sounds totally organized.”

He stopped at a nearby stand and picked up a zoo map, scanning it carefully before pointing to the left.

“Here. We’re gonna start here. There are meerkats and birds and kangaroos there.”

“Seriously?” Ilya scoffed. “Mr. Organizer, we’re gonna use a map? Just let the kids roam wherever they want.

“Organization is important,” Shane mumbled, tightening his grip on Kai’s hand as they headed through the left gate. Kai and Ana walked ahead, making sure to stop at every single bird cage to watch the birds, and at every species label or information panel to try to read, despite the fact that none of them could read yet.

Ilya walked beside Shane, who was still completely lost in his map. “Oh, the wolves and hippos are just around the corner too…” Shane muttered.

“Yeah…” Ilya mumbled, looking around, his face going a little pale. “Maybe we should… quicken our steps and get to the wolves.”

Shane glanced sideways and immediately noticed how pale the taller man had gone as his eyes darted between the various bird cages.

“Ilya? Are you okay?” Shane asked.

“Huh? Me? Yeah,” Ilya replied too quickly, and his appearance gave him away instantly.

“Oh my God…” Shane froze for a second. “Ilya, are you scared?!”

Shane tried so fucking hard not to burst out laughing. “Are you scared of the birds?”

“What?!” Ilya shot back defensively. “I’m not scared of the damn birds!”

“Oh my God!” Shane fully lost it now. “You’re fucking scared! You’re scared of the birds—oh my God, Ilya!”

Ilya frowned and nudged Shane lightly in the ribs. “Shut up. I’m not scared!”

“Oh God! Ana, sweetheart,” Shane called out between laughs, wiping his eyes as tears started to form, “you didn’t tell me your dad was scared of bloody birds! This is amazing. Wait—let’s stop by these parrots here, I wanna read about them…”

Ana turned around, staring at Ilya with a confused little frown. “Papa, you’re scared of birdies?” she asked innocently in Russian. Ilya huffed and shook his head, answering her in Russian as well. “Am not scared, princess.”

Then he turned back to Shane, who had very deliberately stopped right in front of the parrot enclosure. “Can you stop filling my child’s head with nonsense that I’m scared?” Ilya muttered. “I’m not scared of damn birds. They’re just… creepy. I feel like they’re gonna pluck my eyes out.”

Shane laughed even harder.

“You just made my day. This is fucking amazing. Big scary guy like you, scared of damn birds…”

A loud squawk erupted from the parrot enclosure and Ilya visibly flinched.

Shane saw it. Absolutely saw it.

Before Shane could even let anything out of his mouth, Ilya turned to him and held up a finger like a threat. “Don’t even dare, or I’ll punch you.” Shane couldn’t help letting out a small chuckle, but he raised his hands defensively. “Alright, alright. I promise I won’t tease you anymore. But I do know what I’m getting Ana for her next birthday.”

“I will not speak to you ever in my life if you bring a fucking bird into my house,” Ilya said, dead serious.

Shane smiled and nudged his arm. “No, you won’t. You know you’re not gonna do that.”

Ilya just shook his head and kept walking, encouraging Kai and Ana to move faster until they finally passed all the bird enclosures. Shane trailed behind them, unable to stop himself from letting out a few more quiet laughs just for his own soul. Big, scary Russian guy—scared of birds. God, Shane was absolutely insane about this man.

“Daddy, look! It’s wolves!” Ana shouted, tugging Ilya toward the enclosure.

“Yep, I see them,” Ilya smiled. “And what do the wolves say, princess?”

“Awooooooo,” Ana howled, immediately dissolving into giggles. Kai joined in right after, howling too, trying his best to get the wolves’ attention.

“Hey, you two,” Shane said as he stepped up beside them, “if you keep doing that, they’re gonna think you’re food.” All three of them turned to stare at him. Ana and Kai pouted instantly. “Joking, Daddy… right?”

“I’m not,” Shane chuckled. “Don’t tempt them like that. That’s not nice. Animals aren’t like people, baby, and you don’t wanna tempt them.”

They lingered by the wolves for a while, watching them pace lazily along the fence. Ilya crouched down beside the kids, pointing out their fur, their paws, the way one of them yawned wide enough to show all its teeth.

“They look sleepy,” Kai observed.

“Just like your dad,” Ilya said lightly. Shane scoffed. “I heard that.”

They moved on after that, past the hippos snorting in the water, the zebras flicking their tails, the giraffes bending their long necks to reach leaves. Shane found himself walking a step behind more often than not, watching Ilya instead of the animals. The way he automatically reached for Ana’s hand when the path got crowded. The way he lifted Kai up without a second thought so he could see better over the railing. The way his voice softened every single time he spoke to them.

It did something dangerous to Shane’s chest. By the time they reached the baby zoo, Ana was practically jumping from excitement. “Baby goats, Papa, baby goats!” she squealed.

“Oh, this was a mistake,” Shane muttered, already bracing himself. Ilya, on the other hand, looked as excited as she was. He helped Ana hold the little bottle of milk, guiding her hands gently. “Slow, princess. Like this.”

The baby goat latched on eagerly, tail wagging. Ana gasped. “Papa! It’s drinking!”

“I see,” Ilya laughed softly. “You’re doing great.” Kai got his turn next, tongue sticking out in concentration as Ilya steadied his hands too. “Careful,” Ilya murmured. “Hold it steady, like that.”

Shane watched the whole thing from the fence, something warm and stupid spreading through his stomach. Ilya glanced up at one point, catching Shane staring. “What?”

“Nothing,” Shane said quickly, then smiled. And that was it. That was the moment. Shane leaned back against the railing, heart racing 100mph. Watching Ilya laugh with Ana and Kai, standing next to them while they pet baby goats and sheep. This wasn’t anything casual anymore. He was so sure of that. This was him, falling—hard, fast, and completely head over heels.

Ilya pretended not to see it at first, not to notice how Shane was looking at him only in the crowd of people and animals around them.  He also pretended not to care how his chest tightened every single time he caught Shane looking at him like that. He found himself doing all the things without even realizing it at first, like walking a little slower so Shane wouldn’t fall behind or lifting Kai up higher than necessary, just because Shane smiled when Kai laughed.  He adjusted without thinking, always angling himself so Shane could see, or so Shane could hear him, or so Shane could smile at him.

God, he wanted Shane to smile.

He wanted that soft curve of Shane’s mouth, the way his freckles shifted when he laughed, the way his eyes crinkled just slightly at the corners. He knelt down more than usual. Let the kids talk over him. Let Shane tease him. Let himself look a little ridiculous if it meant Shane laughed again. When Ana fed the baby goat, Ilya made sure to guide her hands gently, knowing Shane was watching. Not because he was pretending, but because he wanted Shane to see him like that.  This is me, he thought. This is how I am with them and how I want to be with you.

For Shane? He’d do anything. He’d walk past birds without complaining too much. He’d stand in crowds longer than he liked. He’d follow maps. He’d let Shane win arguments he definitely wasn’t winning.  He’d bend. He’d open parts of himself he usually kept locked down tight. All for that look on Shane’s face. All for the chance, however small, that Shane might fall for him the way he was already falling for Shane.

Ilya took a quick glance back down at Ana and Kai while they played with baby goats before getting up from his knees and then looking back up at Shane…and Shane was looking at him too. Neither of them moved, or neither of them wanted to take their eyes off of each other really. Shane saw softness in Ilya’s gaze. The quiet kind that said I like you. I’m not going anywhere.

That realization tugged another smile on Shane’s face. It was a confirmation for Ilya too: I like you too. I don’t want you to go.

_________

On the car ride back home, Kai and Ana were still restless, as if they didn’t just walk around for three hours and run around, like they still had the battery power for another 10 hours. At least they sat now, but they wouldn’t shut up about all the animals they saw, arguing if lions or elephants were better, arguing if they should name that baby goat “Billy” or “Butt-head”. Three guesses who recommended Butt-head.

Shane rested his head on the headrest, closing eyes, trying to zone himself out for at least a moment of silence. Not on Ilya’s watch though…

“So…we’re going over to our place, right?” Ilya said, glancing over quickly at Shane, then back on the road. “What?” Shane answered quickly.

“My home. Come on, it looks like they’re not done playing yet so they can play there… we can have a cup of coffee and I can assure you it’s much quieter than the zoo.”

Shane sighed “I don’t know Ilya, I mean, I’m tired…”

“Come on, don’t be a buzzkill. Look how much fun they’re having…you don’t wanna cut that short?” Ilya smiled. Shane shook his head “You’re impossible. Ilya I feel like I’m gonna fall asleep right here right now, I’m tired.”

Kai shot back from the backseat, of course he heard everything they talked about, that little guy had ears everywhere. “Yes daddy come on! Can we go play at Ana’s place please please pleeeeeeeaseee?” He whined.

“Yeah, daddy, hear that. He said please.” Ilya teased with a chuckle. Shane rubbed his temples, groaning, “Alright, fine. Fine. But not for long okay? You have your guitar lesson in the morning!”

“Yayyy!” All three of them exclaimed happily. Ilya, Ana and Kai. Shane shook his head and looked sideways at Ilya “You’re worse than a kid Rozanov.”

By the time they pulled into Ilya’s driveway, Shane was already imagining himself collapsing on the couch for five minutes before the chaos started all over again. He opened the car door to kids  racing toward the front door already. Ana squealed and grabbed Ilya’s hand, dragging him toward the living room, while Kai bounded behind, nearly tripping over the welcome mat. Shane followed more slowly, still holding onto the last thread of adult composure. The moment he stepped inside, the kids already darted upstairs to Ana’s bedroom to play and Ilya walked around to the kitchen. “You wanna drink something?” Ilya asked,

“Just coffee is fine thanks… do you mind if I go over and sit down in the living room?” Shane said. Ilya nodded, “Yeah go ahead, make yourself at home…”

“Oh don’t say that twice..” Shane muttered and he was already on his way, plopping down on the couch and relaxing against the soft fluffy cushions. He let himself close his eyes for a second and enjoy the peace and quiet, just bracing himself for next moment when two little demons will run inside and wreck havoc again. His mind took him back through the day, the way Kai smiled and how genuinely happy he was that he was back at the zoo after years of not going there, how much he enjoyed time with Ilya and Ana and… Ilya. Just Ilya. His looks, his face when Shane realized he was scared of the birds, the way Ilya was so sweet with Kai and Ana. He didn’t realize how he smiled while his eyes were still closed, smiling at the memory. He regretted that throughout the day he didn’t think of taking out his phone and snapping the few pictures just so he can have them as a memory.

“What you smiling at?” Ilya asked as he sat down next to Shane, pulling him out of his thoughts. Shane didn’t even hear him walk in.

“Oh..” Shane sat up straight, taking his coffee cup from Ilya “Nothing. I was just thinking about the day today…”

“Turns out it was fun after all, Mr. Miserable?” Ilya chuckled, taking a sip of his coffee and then setting the coffee mug on the table in front of them. “Yeah..” Shane nodded slowly “I have to admit it really was. I haven’t seen Kai happy like that in a long time. Thank you…” Shane smiled. “You really were amazing with them today.”

“Don’t thank me for that.” Ilya spoke softly and rested back against the pillow next to Shane. “I had so much fun too…I loved how much they laughed it’s like their laughter is a little pump for my happiness.”

“That’s a nice way to put it.” Shane set his mug next to Ilya’s and leaned back too. “Also um… thank you for making me happy today too. I loved seeing you with him you looked so…natural.”

Ilya bit his lip and looked down at Shane’s hand that was resting next to Ilya’s thigh. “Shane don’t thank me for stuff like that. I bet you’d do the same thing for Ana.”

“Even more if you asked me to.” Shane said quietly, following Ilya’s gaze down to their hands, now that Ilya rested his own hand next to Shane’s.

“And if I didn’t ask you?” Ilya’s voice was barely over a whisper now, as he was thinking about his next move. As he was thinking if what he wanted to do was a smart idea…

“I’d do anything for her in a heartbeat. And for Kai too..” Shane said and slowly lifted his index finger up, slowly tracing it on top of Ilya’s hand. It was like a signal for Ilya. He moved his hand and traced his fingers over Shane’s palm before slowly sliding his hand into Shane’s, intertwining their fingers.

Shane swallowed hard when their fingers finally intertwined like that. He could feel the pulse of energy running from fingertips to shoulder to chest, and his stomach did that stupid, fluttery thing. Every small movement felt electric, every brush of skin amplified, and yet, somehow, it felt  like it was always supposed to be this way. He leaned back a little more into the cushions, trying to act casual but failing completely, because every time he looked at Ilya, his chest tightened and the heat behind his cheeks spread like wildfire. He could see the faint curve of Ilya’s jaw, the way his lips pressed together when he wasn’t speaking, the subtle twitch of his eyebrow as if he was thinking too hard about something… or maybe just about him. Shane knew that he looked ridiculous. He was literally sitting here, holding hands with Ilya, feeling like a teenager with his first crush.

Ilya just stayed like that... Let his fingers slide a little more into Shane’s, felt the subtle tightening of Shane’s palm against his, the tiny micro-movements that meant more than words ever could. God, if Ilya even wanted to say what he felt out loud, he felt like he couldn’t think in Russian or English, no words could describe this right now. How alive he felt from just holding Shane’s hand.

“Can you stay like that…?” Shane asked quietly. “Don’t move.”

“I don’t plan to Shane.” Ilya said and squeezed Shane’s hand a little. They looked up at each other and shared a quick glance into each other’s eyes before Shane closed his eyes again and let his head rest back against the cushions. Ilya caressed his knuckles gently while Shane rested, not daring to even say a word to disrupt Shane’s peace.

“This feels nice. I needed this.” Shane mumbled.

“Peace and quiet?” Ilya chuckled quietly.

“Not just that. All of this.” Shane admitted, making sure to squeeze Ilya’s hand lightly again just to make sure he knew what exactly Shane meant. “I know. Me too…” Ilya sighed. “It feels nice..”

Shane nodded and stayed silent again. Feeling so peaceful and so right.

______

Shane-Kai’s dad: thank you for today again :) and sorry for teasing you about birds

Ilya Rozanov: you mean terrifying little feathered monsters

Shane-Kai-s dad: god you’re so dramatic haha i’m being serious though, i had so much fun today. thank you ilya

Ilya Rozanov: me too. and for that thing back home… I didn’t cross any lines did i?

Shane-Kai’s dad: do you think I wouldn’t say anything or let you hold my hand for an hour if you did? of course not…i loved it.. I felt so calm :)

Ilya Rozanov: yes… calm, that’s the word. your hand is so soft by the way. i think I’ll need to hold it more often you know

Shane-Kai’s dad: i don’t mind that :) just don’t be so nervous about it next time so that I have to push you to make first move again

Ilya Rozanov: oh right cause you were also totally calm and normal about it

Shane-Kai’s dad: i was!

Ilya Rozanov: mhm right. i’m off to sleep now. good night shane :)

Shane-Kai’s dad: good night ilya :)

Chapter 6: hockey camps and dinner dates

Chapter Notes

2 weeks later

Shane made sure to squeeze Kai extra hard for a hug before Kai got on the bus. And Ilya was basically having to peel Ana off of his hip as she wouldn't let go of him. It was their first weekend hockey camp, in a smaller town just two hours away but even the thought of their kids being away from home even if it was only for 2 nights deeply hurt both Ilya and Shane.

"I'll see you in two days princess, okay?" Ilya spoke into Ana's hair as she was wrapped around his neck so tightly "You'll have so much fun I promise you and Kai will be there with you all the time, you won't even notice how quick it passes by..."

"No, I want you there too Papa..." Ana cried softly into Ilya's neck. 

"Princess, please... I promise you it will be so much fun and when you come back home I'll wait for you and we're not gonna separate again for a long time, okay? I promise you that... come on now, coach is calling you you need to get on the bus.." he kneeled down and put her down from his hug. "Give me a big kiss!" He said and smiled as he pressed the biggest kiss on his cheeks but still wiped her tears after pulling off.

"I love you princess." He smiled, trying not to get teary eyed as well. His little girl was growing up so fast, already going off to her hockey camps on her own. Seems like only yesterday she was as big as loaf of bread.

"Love you papa.." She said sadly and picked up her little bag and walked over to the bus like a sad puppy. Ilya went and stood next to Shane as they watched both Kai and Ana get on the bus and wave to them from their shared seat. Shane had to turn his back to the side a little, just to not start crying. Why the hell were they so emotional, both of them? They'll come back.

They watched as the bus took off and they kept on waving to the kids all the way until bus finally left the parking. And the kids were gone. Whole weekend of just....nothing.

"Wow this feels so fucking weird..." Shane mumbled. 

"I know." Ilya sighed "It feels like someone cut off my right arm and just took it, like I'm missing a part of myself."

Shane sighed and looked down, brushing his hand against Ilya's before picking up courage and actually grabbing his hand, locking their fingers.

"They'll be back soon." Shane smiled as he held Ilya's hand. "Wanna go for a coffee before leaving?" 

"Sure.." Ilya said, but his gaze still fixed in the direction that bus took off. "Yeah, we can grab a quick coffee." 

Shane pulled on Ilya's hand lightly as he realized that the taller man wasn't moving yet. "Ilya? Ilya come on.." 

"Huh? Oh...yeah.." Ilya nodded and walked off. Hand in hand with Shane. Well, they didn't realize it though, that they never pulled their hands away while they walked. It felt so normal to just walk like this and neither of them really wanted to pull away. They didn't want to talk much either. The coffee shop was only short distance away and they were still soaking in the fact that they're children free for the weekend.

As they got into the coffee shop, they finally pulled away from each other. Shane's hand already flew to grab his wallet from his pocket "Don't even dare to offer and pay this one. I got it."

Ilya chuckled "Alright, fine, I guess I can let you pay for ONE thing." 

Shane smiled and walked up to the counter next to Ilya. Ilya rolled his eyes "Oh Jesus Christ we're gonna spend the entire night here while you choose again." 

"Shut up!" Shane mumbled "As the matter in fact, I already know what I'm getting...can I get the honey almond milk flat white please?" Shane said politely to the barista.

"You and your complicated drinks everytime..." Ilya shook his head "Can I get a cappucino, please?"

"You and your boring drinks." Shane mumbled back and pressed his card against the reader.

"It's not boring, it's classy." Ilya mused and pulled Shane's hand back in his the moment Shane let go of his wallet, like he needed it.

"Mhm, right, tell that to yourself if it makes you feel better..." Shane giggled. Ilya raised his brow and tugged Shane a step closer to him. "Are you making fun of me?" Ilya teased.

"Maybe." Shane smiled, tilting his head to the side "I need to cheer you up a little." 

"Hmm, stop talking then. And let me stare at your freckles for a second." 

"Oh my god you and your fucking freckles..." Shane groaned, turning his head to the side on purpose. Ilya twisted Shane's hand lightly as he held it. "Don't be an asshole and look at me!"

"No, I won't, you keep staring at my face all the time!"

"Because it's beautiful!" Ilya said quickly. Way too quickly. He didn't even think. And then he suddenly shut up once he realized what he said.

Shane turned his head back slowly, eyebrows raised "What was that?"

"I didn't say anything." Ilya said, trying to act casual. "Oh no no I heard something, spill it Rozanov."

"I said..." Ilya mumbled, looking away from Shane "I said you're...beautiful." 

Ilya could feel his ears starting to burn from how red they've gotten. 

"Oh my god, Ilya, you're blushing!" Shane chuckled. "Who me?" Ilya frowned "No, never in my life have I blushed, Russians do not blush!"

"I don't know about others but the one in front of me is definitely blushing right now..." Shane smiled and caressed the back of Ilya's hand with his thumb "Hey...okay I won't tease you anymore...thank you." Shane said "You are....extremely, stupidly handsome too."

"Is that even a compliment?" Ilya pouted.

"Yes...it's a compliment Ilya." Shane said and then the barista called out their names. They grabbed their drinks and went over to sit, immediately taking sips of their drinks like they needed that caffeine.

"So what are you gonna do now that Kai is away?" Ilya asked after few minutes. Shane shrugged right away "I have no idea, to be honest... probably just stay at home. Maybe watch some movies, do some work...and you?"

"No idea. Ana never left my side ever since she was born so I have no idea what to do at home without her...and I don't feel like going out either..." then Ilya's eyes light up as an idea popped into his head.

"Hey uh... would you maybe...come over tonight? Like maybe for dinner or uh...we can watch a movie or something?"

"Me?" Shane glanced up at him "For...dinner..?" 

Ilya felt a bit awkward there, maybe he was crossing the line yet again.

"I mean...I mean no, you don't have to... if you want to of course...just I thought cause we're both all alone anyways and..."

"Uh sure.." Shane nodded, then let a slow smile creep up his face "No you know what, that sounds great actually. Dinner and movies sound great." Shane nodded again, probably too fast, because his brain was completely short-circuiting. Dinner. At Ilya’s place. Movies. Just the two of them.

Oh god.

He kept his face neutral, or at least he tried to, but inside? Inside he was losing his damn mind. He suddenly felt this stupid urge to giggle, which was insane, because he was a grown man sitting in a coffee shop and he was acting like he’d just been asked to prom.

Was this a date?

No.

Okay, maybe not a date date.

But also… dinner and a movie at someone’s place? That definitely felt like a date.

Shane swallowed and forced himself to breathe normally. Don’t be weird. Don’t be weird. He glanced at Ilya, who now looked a little unsure, like maybe he thought he’d overstepped, and something in Shane’s chest softened.

God, he really liked him.

He liked how awkward he got when he thought too much. He liked how excited he was about little things. He liked how he invited him so casually, like it wasn’t a big deal, when it clearly was. Shane suddenly became very aware of himself. Of the fact that he’d be going home later, showering, probably standing in front of the mirror too long like an idiot, thinking about what to wear. What colour would suit him better? Red? Blue? Or just stick to plain black or white? Does he put on perfume or keep it just lowkey like he's not trying so desperately? What does he do with his hair?

This was ridiculous. Absolutely ridiculous.

"You sure?" Ilya snapped him back to reality. "Yeah!" Shane smiled "I think it'd be great... with no kids and nothing else to do, why not.."

Ilya finally smiled again "Alright then... does 8pm sound okay?" 

"Sounds perfect."

________

Shane had been getting ready for twenty minutes. Which was insane, because it was just dinner...and a movie...and absolutely not a big deal.

Except it was. 

His room looked like a small tornado had passed through it. Everything he tried on seemed wrong. Too casual. Too formal. Why did everything suddenly look wrong? He pulled out a hoodie, held it up, frowned, tossed it on the bed.

“No. This makes me look like I gave up on life.”

He grabbed a sweater instead. Stared at himself in the mirror. Turned left. Turned right.

“…Do I look like someone’s dad or like someone’s....? No, no, fuck this...” he whispered, horrified.

Off it went.

Next was a button-up. Why did he even own this? Who was he trying to impress? Oh, right. Ilya.

Shane froze.

“Don’t think about that,” he told himself quickly. He tried another shirt. Then another. At this point, half his closet was on the bed. He sat down, head in his hands, letting out a dramatic sigh.

“This is not a date,” he said out loud, like saying it enough times would make it clearer. In the end he decided on a basic black shirt and some jeans. Wow, how fashionable of you Shane. Spending 20 minutes of all of this just to pick a black t-shirt?

He stood up again and went to the bathroom, staring at his reflection like it had personally betrayed him. His hair was a complete mess from trying on so many clothes. He wet his hands, tried to fix it, but made it worse.

“Great. Perfect. Love that,” he muttered. He scooped up some hair gel and tried ruffing it up a little, trying to make it look like he was trying, but not really at the same time.

He leaned closer to the mirror, squinting. “Do I look tired? I look tired. Ilya’s gonna think I’m tired.”

He splashed water on his face, then immediately second-guessed that too. "Fuck I look like a wet rat now.." 

There wasn't that much time left to think his life choices up to this point. He needed to leave house in 15 minutes and he still wasn't fully ready. He managed to do something to his hair and fix it, managed to pick up his favorite day cream and rub it over his face in hurry, in hopes of bringing some life back to his face. He managed to find his favorite perfume burried under the pile of clothes on his bed and spritz it all over himself. 

Before leaving, he looked at himself one last time in the mirror. What the hell are you doing, dude? Why are you panicking? You're not going on a fucking date. You're not fifteen years old, relax.

He shook the thoughts out of his head and grabbed his phone, wallet and keys before finally leaving the house.

_________

Shane barely had time to knock properly before the door opened.

And then his brain just… shut off.

Ilya stood there like he had stepped out of some god damn movie. He wore this dark royal blue shirt, silky and soft. It wasn’t fancy-fancy, just fitted enough to make Shane very aware of Ilya's shoulders. And his chest. And that the top few buttons were undone just so casually... Like he hadn’t absolutely planned that.

And his hair. Shane’s stomach dropped.

Ilya’s curls were insane tonight. Not tamed at all. Big and wild and bouncing everywhere. Shane’s first, completely unhelpful thought was those curls would look so perfect with my hand stuck in them... His second thought was I am in so much trouble.

“Oh...hey,” Ilya said, smiling. Shane just stared. He genuinely forgot how words worked. Something about this Greek god flashed through his mind, which was dramatic and uncalled for, but also felt accurate.

“Hey,” he finally managed, way too quietly. He cleared his throat. “Uh. Hi.”

Great. Nailed it, Shane...

Ilya stepped back a little to let him in, and Shane caught a faint smell of Ilya's perfume and it made his brain go all foggy again. He focused very hard on not tripping over his own feet.

“You made it in one piece...” Ilya said, still smiling. Shane nodded, hands suddenly feeling very stupid. What do I do with my hands? He shoved them into his jacket pockets like that solved anything. 

“Yeah,” he said, then added, unnecessarily, “I mean...yeah, of course.”

Smooth. So smooth.

Ilya watched him for a second, head tilted, curls falling into his eyes. "Are you okay, Shane?"

"Huh? Yeah, no I'm fine..." Shane said and quickly try to switch to a different topic "Something smells nice here! What did you cook?"

"Oh.." Ilya said and led them both into the kitchen where something was still cooking on the stove. "I wasn't really sure what you'd like so I settled for pasta..."

"Pasta sounds great. And honestly, I'm starving" Shane snorted "I didn't feel like cooking only for myself, since Kai isn't around so I just ate some peanut butter and jelly for lunch.." 

"Well I sure hope this will be good for you then..." Ilya smiled and looked up at Shane. "Wanna drink something? I have some white wine that would go perfectly with this..."

"Are you trying to get me drunk tonight Rozanov?" Shane laughed nervously.

"I wouldn't dare." Ilya smirked and popped open the bottle, pouring two glasses of wine. 

"You can go ahead and sit down, this will be ready in just a minute..."

"Oh I can help you set the table if you want..."

"Already set." Ilya smiled. Shane turned to face the dining room, and sure it was, the long table that could fit 6 people, now set for only two. Right next to each other...

"Wow, you did all this?" Shane smiled to himself, gripping his glass of wine so tightly that he thought it'd snap in his grasp.

"Why, does it look too much?" Ilya asked.

"No no, not at all... it looks...perfect."

Ilya looked down, smiling to himself, trying to make himself busy with finishing putting the pasta on the plates and sprinkling some last bits of parsley over the serving.

"Go ahead, sit down..." Ilya said "I'll bring there right over..."

Shane went ahead and sat on the chair to the side. Ilya brought the platea after a minute, serving Shane's dramatically "Voila! For you, sir... we hope you enjoy it." 

Shane laughed "Why thank you... it looks. Fucking delicious if I'm honest.."

Ilya grabbed his own plate and glass of wine from the counter and sat down to join Shane at the table. "I sure hope it tastes delicious. I haven't made this in a while so I'm afraid I might have lost touch..."

"Impossible..." Shane smiled and held up his glass to his lips. But Ilya quickly turned his glance to him, raising his glass to Shane "No cheers this time?"

"Oh right... I'm sorry..." Shane chuckled. He remembered the last time he cheered with Ilya. And how Ilya told him that it's customs to look in the eyes while clinking the glasses. Shane looked Ilya straight in the eyes, those blue eyes almost burning his with the stare. "Cheers.." Shane spoke slowly as he clicked their glasses together before slowly pulling his glass back and pressing it against his lips. His eyes didn't leave Ilya's and he watched as Ilya's gaze lowered down, to Shane's lips. Shane wrapped his lips around the rim of the glass, slowly opening up his mouth as he drank a few gulps of wine. And Ilya watched it all... 

Shane even made sure to lick his lips after. That did something to Ilya's brain, that scene alone played in slow motion over and over again in his brain. He almost forgot to take a sip of his own.

He didn't realize that one sip while staring at Shane like that meant half the glass.

"Well uh... you wanna start eating?" Shane said softly, looking down at Ilya's plate.

"You're my guest. You go first and tell me how you like it..."

Shane nodded and picked up some spaghetti onto his fork, but stopped in his tracks right before he put it in his mouth. "Wait... you didn't like put poison in this and now you want me to eat first so you can watch me die?"

Ilya rolled his eyes and laughed out loud "For fucks sake, Shane, just eat it!"

"Hey, it's always okay to double check." Shane shrugged and finally took a bite. And suddenly, his taste buds were dancing. His eyes went wide open.

"Oh my god... this is fucking amazing..." Shane mumbled, his mouth still full. "This is fucking insane, are you like a hidden michellin star chef or something?"

Ilya chuckled and finally took a bite too "Stop, you're flattering me now..."

"No, I'm serious Ilya, this is delicious... wow..." Shane took another bite "It's perfect..."

"Stop it Shane" Ilya chuckled, trying to hide the fact that he was blushing again, second time today because of Shane Hollander.

"No, you're gonna have to give me the recipe for this..."

"Or I can just cook it for you whenever you want..." Ilya smiled.

Shane stayed silent for a bit, his eyes wandering down to his plate "I don't know how practical it would be to call you in the middle of the night just so you can make this for me.."

"I wouldn't mind." Ilya said and took another bite "Would be my pleasure actually."

Shane blushed this time "I'll have that in mind then...but seriously, this is incredible. And thank you for inviting me tonight.."

"You're welcome. I would feel so alone in this huge house all by myself all night anyways..."

Shane bit his lip. All night?

Ilya noticed that Shane bit his lip. Of course he did.

"So uh... the coach called, they arrived well and safe and settled into their hotel just fine.." Shane started.

"Hey Shane..." Ilya said, taking a sip of his wine "Listen...I love our kids. Both of them. But just for tonight... let's not talk about them, okay? We can talk about anything else...about you...about me... but no kids talk tonight."

Shane nodded slowly "Okay...yeah, that sounds fine..."

"Good..." Ilya said and took another bite of his pasta.

"I had um... I had this question though that I wanted to ask you for a while..." Shane started, dragging his fork around the plate kind of nervously.

"Hm, yeah? What is it?" Ilya asked, unassuming.

“Um… what happened to your wife?” Shane asked. Ilya stopped mid-bite. He lowered his fork slowly, the metal clinking softly against the plate. For a moment, he didn’t look at Shane at all. His eyes stayed fixed somewhere near the table. Then he exhaled loudly and finally looked up.

“It’s, uh…” Ilya started, then stopped.

“You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to, Ilya,” Shane said quickly “Really...”

“No, it’s okay,” Ilya said after a beat. “You shared your story. It’s only fair I share mine.”

He took another sip of his wine, finishing the first glass for the night.

“She… she died,” Ilya said quietly. “It was almost five years ago. Ana had just barely turned one.” His jaw tightened. “She was driving and… this drunk driver turned suddenly and hit her. Right on the driver’s side. She died on the spot.” His voice didn’t crack, but the pain was obvious in every word. He stared down at his plate the entire time.

Shane didn’t know what to do...or say. He didn’t want to ask questions. Didn’t want to push. He just wanted Ilya to say everything on his own, without Shane making it worse.

“It was honestly the worst day of my life,” Ilya continued. “I really… really loved her. I thought I’d found the person of my dreams. She was stunning.” A weak, sad smile tugged at his lips. “Ana looks so much like her, in her face.” He swallowed. “I thought my life was over the moment she stopped breathing.”

“But I knew I had a duty to raise our daughter,” he said. “I knew that’s what she would’ve wanted. To see Ana grow into this strong, powerful woman… just like she was.”

Shane bit the inside of his cheek, hard, fighting the urge to reach across the table and put his hand over Ilya’s. 

“What was her name?” Shane asked quietly.

“Valeria,” Ilya said.

Then his eyes shut tight. He realized, all at once, that he hadn’t said her name out loud in almost five years. That realization burned more than he expected.

“I’m so sorry, Ilya,” Shane said softly. “I’m really sorry for your loss. I...I can’t even imagine what that feels like.”

Shane sat there after that, quiet, his chest feeling strangely tight. He felt… guilty. Like, deeply, uncomfortably guilty.

Because just hours ago, he’d been spiraling over Ilya actually inviting him to dates, daydreaming about him...and now here Ilya was, talking about the woman he loved, the woman he still clearly carried with him.

Shane watched the way Ilya’s fingers curled around his wine glass and the way his shoulders stayed tense. He loved her, Shane thought. No, not past tense. He still loves her...

And suddenly Shane felt ridiculous. Like—who did he think he was? Sitting there, catching feelings and flirting, when Ilya had lived a whole life before him. Maybe this was all in Shane’s head. Maybe Ilya was just… lonely. Maybe he was just being friendly. Comfortable. Maybe Shane had misread everything, because of course he would. 

"It's... it's been long time ago you know. I mean... I can't say I'm over her because... I could never do that you know, she's the mother of my daughter and my wife... but over the years I realized that my life can't stop. And grieving is not only about wearing black, or showing sadness out loud for everyone to see... it's just more inside you you know? I'll forever love her, but I also have a future to think about..."

"Yeah totally I mean..." Shane cleared his voice "Yeah that makes sense..." he said and took another sip of his wine. They both forgot about their pasta at this point that was probably going colder with every passing minute.

"I thought for a long time about giving up on love you know... I had flings, people over just for sex but, that doesn't fill any void and it doesn't make me feel any better. I need love, like... you may look at me and see this big, Russian muscle-head but like... I'm desperate at this point Shane. Desperate for any kind of affection."

Shane nodded, looking straight at Ilya "Do you think... do you think you could ever find someone? Like actually find someone who you think you can spend the rest of your life with?"

"I hope so.." Ilya nodded, refilling both of their wine glasses. "I really hope so... Ana will grow up one day, move out, have a family of her own, and what will I do? I don't wanna stay alone, Shane."

"I know.." Shane sighed "Jeez, I'm sorry I didn't mean to... shift the mood like this, really.." he let out a little nervous chuckle.

Ilya smiled a little and finally raised his look up at Shane. Ilya was the one to move his hand, and put it over Shane's, rubbing the back of his hand gently "Hey... you don't have to feel weird about this, you didn't make me upset. It's just weird because no one really asked me about it in a long, long time.."

"I kind of do feel weird if you want me to be honest..." Shane sighed. "But not because of that.."

"Why then?" 

Shane bit his lip and looked down at their hands "Uh...this... listening to you now and..then seeing you hold my hand and just, holding your hand for like few weeks now overall, it feels....wrong. Like it's not meant for me to hold it." Shane said, his voice going especially quiet on that last part. 

Ilya frowned, and squeezed Shane's hand tighter "What do you mean Shane?"

"I don't know uh..." Shane looked down, embarrassed and nervous "This is weird to talk about now Ilya."

"Tell me, please.." 

"I just uh... gosh, this might sound so stupid.." Shane let out a breathy chuckle before continuing. "I had this weird idea in my head that...maybe you like me? And it was scary because, I started liking you too. Like not just as a friend but as a man you know..."

"Why do you think that's weird?" 

"Because... well...you obviously still love her..." Shane looked down, wishing he could just pull his hand out of Ilya's.

"And as I said, I will love her for the rest of my life Shane, that's something I can't change... but do you think I should be deprived of love or relationships just because of that?"

"No!" Shane's head shot up quickly "No, God no, that's not what I meant Ilya... just you know... Me. Maybe I'm the wrong one." 

"And who told you that?" Ilya said, leaning his other hand on the table and resting his jaw on his hand. "I think that...you're perfect for that." 

"What?"

"I said I think you're perfect... you're smart, you're funny, you're like...fucking gorgeous, you have beautiful freckles, you're a nice person, our kids get along... what more do I need?"

"But uh...I thought you like wom-"

"Yeah if you kinda didn't get the memo by now, I kinda like both." Ilya said casually. "Shocker, huh?"

"Right, right..." Shane looked at him for a bit "So...this thing that I'm thinking in my head... I'm not wrong...?" 

"No..." Ilya shook his head slowly. "You're not wrong..."

That shut Shane up really fast.Shane felt like his brain just… stopped. Like someone unplugged it for a second and plugged it back in wrong. 

You’re not wrong. That sentence just kept looping in his head, over and over, louder each time. He felt stupidly giddy and stupidly scared at the same time, like a teenager again. He didn’t know where to look, if he should look away...but if he kept looking it felt like Ilya could see everything. Every thought and every want. 

Ilya wasn’t doing much better. He told himself to stay calm, to not make it weird, but his brain absolutely refused to cooperate. All he could really focus on was Shane’s face, especially his lips. The way Shane went quiet, the way his lips parted just a little like he was about to say something and then didn’t. Ilya wondered if Shane had any idea what he was doing to him just by sitting there like that. He imagined leaning in, just a bit, imagined Shane freezing for half a second before kissing him. He wondered, very unhelpfully, what Shane’s lips would taste like, if they're as sweet as he imagined them to be for months now. 

"Can I show you something...?" Ilya smiled and got up from his seat, not letting go of Shane's hand but pulling it up with his own. Shane nodded and got up, following Ilya to the hallway, to the wall with rows and rows of pictures.

Shane stood in front of it, not really sure where to look yet, until Ilya finally pointed at one, the biggest frame so far on the wall. "I had to frame it..."

Shane's eyes shot up to a picture he took of Ana and Ilya at Ana's birthday party, the one where he kissed his head. And then Shane smiled "Aw...you two look so cute in that picture...it's beautiful Ilya..."

Then, next to that photo, Shane noticed an empty frame just sitting there. "Why's that one empty?"

When Shane pointed at the empty frame, Ilya hesitated fora second too long. Long enough that Shane noticed. He shifted on his feet, then, almost without realizing it, took a small step closer. Then another. The space between them kept shrinking, but neither of them wanted to be the one to stop it.

“I’m saving it,” Ilya said finally.

“For what?” Shane asked, but his voice was already different. Much quieter. His breath felt a little too loud in his own ears. He was painfully aware of how close Ilya was now, of the warmth coming off him and of the fact that if he leaned forward even slightly, their chests would touch.

Ilya swallowed. His hand caressed the back of Shane's softly as he spoke “For a special picture,” he said, then let out a small laugh. “One I don’t have yet.”

Shane frowned a little, confused. “What kind of picture?”

Ilya looked at him then, at the freckles he loved so much, then again looked into Shane's eyes.

“One with you...maybe?"

Shane forgot how to breathe, like actually straight up forgot. “Me?” he whispered, even though he heard him perfectly.

Ilya nodded, barely. He was so close now that Shane could see every tiny detail of his face, every little mole on Ilya's face, the nervous tension in his jaw, the way his eyes kept flicking down to Shane’s lips and then back up again. Ilya’s heart was absolutely racing. He wanted to lean in. God, he wanted to, so fucking much....

"Can I kiss you...?" Ilya finally managed to whisper, his lips only a centemeter away from Shane's. Shane shut his eyes tightly from the feeling of Ilya's breath over his lips.

"Do you always ask for permission Rozanov or do you just do it...?" Shane managed to whisper back.

That's when Ilya finally leaned in. He pressed his lips against Shane's softly, not moving them, just resting on top of Shane's. The moment their lips finally met it was like hurricanes, tornadoes and volcanoes errupted in their chests. Fucking finally.

Shane tilted his head to the side and raised his other hand to press it softly against Ilya's cheek, kissing him back. The kiss was soft and careful at first, their mouths barely moving against each other. Ilya’s hand came up on its own, fingers curling into the fabric of Shane’s shirt just to make sure he was real, that he wasn’t going to pull away.

Shane shifted closer, their bodies finally touching. Soon, the kiss deepened without either of them really deciding to do it. Shane’s lips moved with more confidence, and Ilya let out the quietest breath against his mouth. He kissed Shane back harder this time, less careful, like he was making up for all the times he wanted to but didn’t. Their heads tilted again, slightly clumsy now, noses bumping, lips slipping, but neither of them cared.

Ilya’s hand slid from Shane’s shirt to his jaw, thumb brushing along his cheek without thinking. Shane made this soft sound against his mouth and that alone almost knocked the air out of Ilya’s lungs. The kiss got messier, slower but more intense, like they were both getting a little drunk on it, on how right it felt. They kept chasing each other’s lips, pulling back just enough to breathe and then going back in like they couldn’t help it.

"Ilya..." Shane breathed against Ilya's lips before pulling him back on top of them like his life depended on it. Ilya held Shane closely, trying to fight the urge to press him up against the wall as he kissed him. 

Once both of them pulled away, it was merely just inches away again, just so they could breathe again. They pressed foreheads against each others as they panted for breath.

"You have...no fucking idea how long I wanted to do this..." Ilya confessed.

"Me too..." Shane answered quickly, leaning in and pressing a few soft pecks on Ilya's lips. "Tell me that this is real and that I'm not just dreaming now...because I dreamed of this way too often.."

But instead of telling him, Ilya showed him. He kissed him again with as much force and passion as before, his tongue grazing over Shane's bottom lip before sliding into his mouth. Shane kissed him right back, no hesitation, letting their tongues dance together. 

“Come here…” Ilya murmured between kisses, pulling Shane with him while still kissing him, stumbling back into the living room. They definitely bumped into the wall… and then into a lamp, which only made them both giggle into each other’s mouths. Ilya dropped onto the couch and tugged Shane down with him, only then parting his lips from Shane’s.

“Is this proof enough that you’re not dreaming?” Ilya smiled, his thumb slowly caressing along Shane’s jaw.

“It’s more than enough,” Shane breathed. “And for the record, it’s so much fucking better than any dream I’ve ever had.”

“I love that you dreamed of me,” Ilya said softly, pressing a gentle kiss to Shane’s cheek. “You’ll have to tell me all about them one day.”

“No, it’s embarrassing.”

“It’s not. Shut up,” Ilya said fondly, pulling Shane closer and guiding his legs around his hips as they sat together. “I want to know everything about you, Shane Hollander...what you think, what you feel, what you want.”

Shane bit his lip. And Ilya noticed. And Shane noticed that Ilya noticed.

“That last one’s easy,” Shane whispered. “I want you, Ilya.”

Chapter End Notes

Soooooo.... there might be some smut in next chapter, just to let you know :) just to burst this fluff bubble a little bit! I don't plan on continuing this fanfic in smutty way, but just to let you know that there will be some chapters where smut is included :)

Chapter 7: first times

Chapter Notes

So just a fair warning: this chapter consists of mostly smut all the way through :)))) i want to try and focus the rest of this fanfic mostly on fluff and cute moments, but I feel like I need one really smutty chapter in the middle of it! I hope you enjoy it <3

Ilya pulled Shane back down to lay on the couch with him. They didn't stop kissing for a second that night. It felt as if that was the thing that was keeping them alive, just their lips against each other.

Shane laid down next to Ilya, one leg still wrapped around his hip and one hand pressed flat against his chest. Ilya tilted his head to the side, just so he could kiss Shane with even more passion and he slid one hand down Shane's back, over his waist, his hips, and finally landing it on Shane's ass. He gave it a little squeeze which made Shane's hips roll towards Ilya's more and made Shane let out a little whimper into Ilya's mouth.

"Shane..." Ilya whispered against Shane's lips, his grip on Shane's ass loosening.

"No, I want it..." Shane breathed "Don't move your hand..."

"Are you sure?" Ilya asked again, but Shane was too busy trying to kiss Ilya again, he was kissing all over, his chin, his jaw, the corner of his lips, the upper lip, lower lip, even suckled on it a little bit. "Yes... I'm sure Ilya. I wanted it for months now, don't deprive me of your touch now please.."

"But have you ever...been with a man before, like this?"

Shane sighed and pulled away for a bit. Obviously, Ilya didn't want to kiss right now. "Yeah...but, it was years ago. The last time I had any sex in general..."

"Shane I..." Ilya pouted "It's gonna be a fucking bitch, you know that?" 

"I do but... I really want you Ilya.." Shane whined a little and it made Ilya giggle, just how cute and desperate he was.

"Hey, we don't have to rush anything okay?" Ilya pressed a soft kiss on Shane's nose "I'm not going anywhere and I'm not letting go of you any time soon..." 

"But Ilya...when will we have a night all to ourselves like this, without the kids?" Shane sighs.

"Fine at least... tomorrow? Okay? I don't have any lube or any condoms here and I can go grab them tomorrow and you can just wait for me here..." Ilya pecked Shane again. Shane gave him a little pout.

"Wait... I'm staying the night here?" 

"Well you better, after all this now. And I don't feel like sleeping alone.." Ilya smiled "You can stay tomorrow night too and we can go pick kids up together on Sunday morning." 

My God, Shane was so stupidly in love with this man.

He didn't even say a word, he just pulled Ilya back down for another kiss. This one was slow, though. Open mouthed and slow. Shane let his head roll back and just let Ilya kiss him however he wanted, letting his tongue dominate in Shane's mouth however it wanted. Shane slid his hands down Ilya's chest to the hem of his pants, fiddling with the button already.

"Shane.." 

"I want to make you feel good. Please Ilya, at least just like this, we don't have to do anything else.." Shane whispered, already undoing the button and zipper on Ilya's jeans. Ilya looked down at how Shane's hand slid into his jeans and then back up at Shane before nodding.

"Okay. Only if you want it though.."

"I want it so much.." Shane said quickly and kissed Ilya again. As they kissed, his hand worked its way into Ilya's underwear, wrapping his hand around Ilya's semi. Holy fucking crap. Even when he wasn't fully hard yet, Shane could feel it was bigger than he expected it to be. Shane pressed his palm against Ilya's length insecurely and started rubbing it up and down, as much as the space inside Ilya's jeans allowed him to. But even that was enoguh for Rozanov. He pulled away from the kiss and burried his head in the crook of Shane's neck, letting out a few quiet groans. He was so deprived of any kind of touch that wasn't his own down there that he felt like he could cum right away.

"Help me take them off.." Shane said, with his other hand pushing Ilya's pants and boxers down, not wanting to take his other hand off of Ilya's dick. Ilya helped him, of course, because Ilya is a nice man.

Shane finally glanced down and took in the actual size of Ilya's cock that was now fully hard in his hand. He couldn't help himself, and he just let out a little "Oh." Actually, he wanted to say a lot more, but he was thinking it's not appropriate now.

"What?" Ilya chuckled.

"Nothing..." Shane mumbled, but he couldn't contain his excitement "Just wow..."

"Wow?" Ilya laughed.

"Fuck, just shut up and lay back.." Shane muttered, starting to slide down the couch. Ilya laid on his back and spread his legs, giving Shane enough space to crawl up between them. Once Shane was in eye level with Ilya's dick, he just...whimpered. The sight was so... perfect. Shane's hand was still wrapped around Ilya's cock as he stroked it, and he leaned in, pressing a few cautious kisses over the tip, like he was testing the waters and how Ilya would react to it. Once he saw Ilya closing his eyes in content, letting out a soft breath, only then did Shane wrap his lips around Ilya's tip, suckling on it sweetly. He let his tongue graze over the tip, making sure to spread the spit down with help of his hands. Shane closed his eyes as well, just fully enjoying himself and completely focused on making Ilya feel so fucking good. 

"Oh Shane..." Ilya groaned as Shane lowered his head further down to middle of Ilya's length, hollowing in his cheeks with every suck. Shane rubbed whatever he couldn't fit into his mouth, which no matter how hard he tried, he just couldn't. Ilya was already hitting the back of his throat and giving Shane slight gag, so Shane was nowhere near experienced enough to take Ilya fully as much as he wanted.

Ilya's fingers tangled into Shane's hair, but not to push him down, or guide him, just there as rest. Shane glanced up at one point, the view almost knocking the air out of his lungs. He could see Ilya's chest rise and fall heavily, Ilya's jaw tighten and his mouth hung open as he spoke something which Shane couldn't really figure out if it were curses in English or in Russian.

"Oh, fuck, Shane..." Ilya breathed out a moan, and that only encouraged Shane to speed up his head and his sucks, flattening his tongue against Ilya's length as he dragged his head up and down. Ilya was on fucking cloud nine.

"Fuck you're so good Shane.. I don't think I can last...oh fuck.." 

But Shane didn't stop. He was so set on making Ilya feeling good tonight. He tilted his head slightly, letting Ilya's tip hit the inside of his cheek with every bob, licking the underside of Ilya's cock.

"Shit, Shane, get off, I can't..." Ilya said and pulled Shane off of his cock by his hair. Shane stared down at Ilya's cock as he jerked it much more vigorously now, watching when Ilya finally released, cum splattering all over Ilya's lower stomach.

Ilya let out a glutteral moan as he came, looking down so his eyes met Shane's. "Fuck, Shane..." 

Shane didn't move his gaze from Ilya's as he leaned down and did a few kitten licks over Ilya's stomach, picking up a few drops of cum and swallowing them up. "You didn't have to pull me off you know..."

"That was so hot.." Ilya spoke as he pulled Shane up to his level again, pressing kisses all over his jaw before kissing up to his lips again. Ilya kissed him softly before biting down on Shane's lower lip and tugging on it. It was so fucking hot. 

"Lay down..." Ilya ordered "Get naked and lay down." 

Shane sat up and took off his shirt in one swift motion, followed by his pants and boxers too. It was embarrassing how hard he already was, his cock standing up, pointing directly at Ilya. 

"Look at that..." Ilya leaned down as Shane laid on his back, pressing soft kisses all over Shane's chest. "You're so perfect..."

Shane let out a few whimpers at the way Ilya was making him feel already without even touching him in a sexual way yet. He closed his eyes and let himself just enjoy Ilya's kisses. Ilya moved his lips over Shane's chest, his nipples, down his sternum, down his stomach and finally reached his cock. Ilya wrapped his lips immediately around Shane's cock, flicking the tongue over the tip few times before bobbing his head down. Shane could feel it right away, Ilya was much more experienced than he was, and the way Ilya's mouth worked on Shane's cock.... oh my fucking god. That was the only way Shane could describe it.

"Oh Jesus Christ.... oh Ilya..." Shane clawed on the couch, fearing that if he dug his nails any deeper he's actually going to claw through the couch. Ilya bobbed his head fast for a bit, then he would slow down and make one long bob all the way down Shane's length then back up to his tip, and then he would speed up again and it was this insane loophole over and over again. Shane breahed heavily, his whole body arching in pleasure. He couldn't help but think if Ilya was this good now, how would he feel inside of Shane when they actually have sex?

"Mmmh Ilya..." Shane moaned, tangling his fingers into Ilya's golden curls. "Ilya...Ilya..." He repeated his name over and over like a mantra. That only encouraged Ilya to go faster, harder with his mouth, making sure to stop now and then once he bobbed his head all the way down and swallow around Shane's dick.

"F-fuck!" Shane cried out, arching his back again as the wave of pleasure washed over him, feeling is orgasm coming very quickly, much quicker than Shane had expected. His breath quickened and he didn't even have time to warn Ilya before cumming down his throat.

"Fuck, Ilya, I'm sorry...shit, I couldn't stop, I'm sorry..." Shane mumbled. But looking down at Ilya's fucked out face made him take back those apologies. Ilya looked like he fucking enjoyed it, swallowing every single drop and making sure to licm Shane fully clean before pulling away.

"Yum.." Ilya mused.

"Shut up." Shane whined, hiding his face in his hands "That was so embarrassing, I'm sorry..."

"What, that you came so quickly?" Ilya teased and pressed a soft kiss on Shane's tummy, slowly climbing his way up again.

"Stop it..." Shane mumbled. "You didn't have to.."

"First of all.." Ilya spoke as he climbed up to face level with Shane again and he pulled his hands down from his face "Never hide that beautiful face from me again..."

"I'm embarras-"

"Second of all..." Ilya cut him off "Don't apologize because I fucking loved it... you taste so sweet..." Ilya whispered and pressed soft kisses over Shane's jaw "I could do it all night, over and over again."

Shane let out a little needy whine as he felt that Ilya was just riling him up again "No, stop talking like that..."

"Why?"

"Because you're gonna get me hard again.."

"And what is wrong with that?"

Shane grabbed Ilya by his collar and pulled him down for a passionate kiss first before speaking. "Because next time I want to cum, I want it to be from your dick."

_______

Ilya cuddled up to Shane the moment they got into bed. They were both tired and crampy from laying on the couch all night, and it was getting pretty late, so they finally decided it was time to sleep.

Shane took a shower first while Ilya cleaned up the kitchen, and then Shane waited in bed while Ilya showered. But the moment Ilya switched off the lights and climbed in next to him, he was basically back on top of him.

“What, you’re not gonna let me breathe for even a second?” Shane smiled, holding onto Ilya’s biceps and looking up at him. He genuinely couldn’t wrap his head around how gorgeous this man was. How effortlessly beautiful he looked, even like this, ready for bed.

“No,” Ilya smiled, pressing a kiss to Shane’s lips. “You don’t get to breathe this weekend because I’ve been holding back for way too long...”

“Well, I’m gonna quote you now: I’m not going anywhere, so—”

“Just let me be, okay?” Ilya cut him off gently and kissed him again, much slower this time. As they kissed, Shane’s hands slid up Ilya’s arms and wrapped around his neck, pulling him down like he needed him even closer, like that was even possible.

When Ilya pulled away, it was only to press more kisses all over Shane’s face.

“My God, and you say I’m needy,” Shane chuckled, still holding him tight.

“I am needy,” Ilya smiled, looking down at him fondly. “I’m needy about you.” Then, softer, “Don’t move, okay…”

Ilya leaned down and started pressing quick kisses over Shane’s cheek, up to his nose, over the bridge of it, then to his other cheek.

“What are you doing?” Shane giggled. “It tickles…”

“Your freckles,” Ilya murmured. “So beautiful… I love them so much. I want to kiss every single one of them.”

And Shane didn't move, at all, just closed his eyes and relaxed his face, with small smile forming. Shane couldn’t stop thinking about how unreal this felt. Every touch felt like burning on Shane's skin, every kiss felt like Ilya was saying something without actually saying it.

And God, the way he kissed... the way he spoke. The way he said he wanted to kiss every single one of Shane's freckles on his face... it made Shane's stomach twist in the best possible way. 

“You’re so beautiful…” Ilya said once he was done, resting his forehead against Shane’s. “I just can’t get enough of you… can’t get enough of looking at you and how beautiful you are, you know that?”

“Stop, Ilya, you’re gonna make me blush,” Shane said, unable to hide his stupid grin.

“I’m serious. Ever since the day I met you, I wanted to just… keep you somewhere where only I could look at you. I don’t want anyone else looking at you. Only me.”

“Well, you’re gonna be happy to know that no one else pays attention to me anyway.”

“Bullshit. I’ve seen the way other parents look at you… moms, mostly. Their jaws drop every time you walk in, or they turn their heads.”

“No, you’re lying,” Shane said, trying, and failing, to stop himself from blushing again.

“I’m not. I swear to God. All the time, they just stare at you,” Ilya said, lifting his hand to gently caress Shane’s cheek. “And every time, I wanted to tell them to stop. That they weren’t worthy of looking at you. That you were meant for me to look at… but I was so scared to make the first move. I thought for so long that you didn’t care about me like that. That you didn’t see me that way.”

“Ilya, I…” Shane sighed. “I’m sorry if I ever gave you that impression. Because trust me, I felt the same. I thought… it was impossible that someone like you would ever like me. That’s why I was so scared.”

Ilya smiled softly and kissed the tip of Shane’s nose. “You’re mine now, right? You’re not going anywhere?”

“Not unless you ask me to,” Shane said, pressing a kiss to Ilya’s nose in return. “The moment you tell me to go, I’ll go.”

“I will never tell you that,” Ilya said quietly. “I feel like I waited for you for so many years. I’m not letting you go anytime soon.”

Shane let out a soft sigh and cupped Ilya’s cheeks gently. “I don’t know what I did right in life to deserve you talking to me like this.”

Ilya smiled and kissed him again. “This is just the beginning. I’m going to talk like this every day from now on.”

“Oh God,” Shane chuckled. “You really don’t have to. I feel like tonight I finally understood exactly how you feel… and what you think.”

“No,” Ilya murmured against his lips. “It’s not enough. I need you to know every single day how beautiful you are… and that you’re mine now.”

“Well,” Shane smiled softly, “is that a promise?”

“Promise.”

___________

Shane couldn't believe the morning he was waking up to. He couldn't believe that he woke up in Ilya's arms. He couldn't believe that Ilya kissed him the moment they woke up. He couldn't believe that he finally had Ilya's warm body pressed up against his first thing in the morning. He couldn't believe that they made out in bed for 30 minutes before even getting out of it for the day. He couldn't believe that Ilya agreed in a heartbeat to make Shane's favorite breakfast for him. He couldn't believe that they cuddled up on the couch while they ate their breakfast, feeling so calm and like they were just meant to be there. He couldn't believe that they made out for what seemed like another 15 minutes after the breakfast. He couldn't believe that Ilya actually got ready and went out to buy lube and condoms.

He felt like he was still dreaming and that at any moment he's gonna wake up and he's gonna be back in his old bed, all alone all over again. But he kept on dreaming. And Ilya decided to prove to him just how real it was the moment he came back with everything they needed.

Ilya had Shane pinned down by his arms on his bed the moment he stepped into the house. There was no real talk, nothing they had to say to each other, it was their want and desperation for each other that spoke instead of them. They kissed all the way up the stairs, bumping into walls and railings as they did, kissed down the hallway to Ilya's bedroom and kissed until Ilya pushed Shane down on the bed.

"We're not gonna need this now, are we?" Ilya said as he tugged the hem of Shane's shirt and slid it off of him quickly. Well, technically, it was Ilya's shirt that Shane just 'borrowed'.

"Same goes for you.." Shane said, already breathless, working quickly to take off Ilya's shirt as well. The rest of their clothes followed quickly while they made out, leaving them both completely naked and both already rock hard in matter of just minutes. 

Ilya kissed down Shane's body, all the way down to his dick, but avoided it on purpose. He kissed around it and kissed down to Shane's thighs, hoisting his legs up to put them over his own shoulders. 

"Mmh, meanie.." Shane whined.

"What was that?" Ilya smirked.

"Nothing... mmh, fuck, just continue, okay?" Shane said eagerly, tapping his fingers on the mattress as if that was gonna speed Ilya up.

"Do you touch yourself here?" Ilya said as he slowly, very slowly traced his fingers over Shane's hole. Shane's hips twisted from Ilya's touch and his eyes shut immediately.

"N-no... maybe sometimes but... haven't in a while.." Shane mumbled. Ilya sighed and leaned in again, kissing a trail from Shane's inner thigh to his hole. He let the hot breath linger over it for a second, watching as it clenched on nothing before finally leaning in and pressing his tongue against it gently. Shane's whole body jerked from the sensation he actually never felt before.

"Oh my fucking god.." Shane managed to mutter and his hands clenched tightly on the fabric underneath him. If it wasn't for Ilya's hands holding his hips, he felt like his body would move away on its own involountarely.

Ilya flicked his tongue up and down a few times before pressing it flat against Shane's hole again. He twired it around, feeling Shane's hole pulsing against his tongue with every flick.

"So beautiful.." Ilya mumbled and licked a stripe over it again "You're gonna feel so amazing around me.."

"S-stop talking like that.." Shane breathed out.

"Why?"

"Because it's driving me crazy..."

"But that's the point...I want to drive you crazy..." Ilya whispered, licking one more circle over Shane's hole "From my fingers...my dick...so it's the only thing you can think about for the rest of the day.."

"Ilya please.." Shane whined "You're not helping.."

"I'm not trying." Ilya smirked as he pulled his face away, reaching over for the bottle of lube on the other side of the bed.

He coated his fingers in lube, making sure to rub off some over Shane's hole too. Yeah his spit was okay as lube too, but Shane is gonna need a lot more and a lot of prep now, Ilya knew that.

He could see the way Shane tensed up as he watched Ilya, he could see the nervousness on his face.

"Shane... are you sure you want this? Because we don't have to if you..."

"Ilya just shut up already! I don't know how clearer I have to be that I want it.." Shane groaned, the nervousness turning into eagerness. Ilya smiled a little "Hey don't turn all fiesty on me, I just have to check that you're okay..."

"And I appreciate that but can you put those fingers inside of me now?"

"So needy.." Ilya mumbled and pressed one fingertip against Shane's hole, making sure to slide just one finger in, very, very slowly at first. Shane let out a little wince, tried to cover it up with a moan, but Ilya noticed it already. He didn't even push it in past the first knuckle, he already stopped.

"Are you okay?" 

"Yes..." Shane said, eyes squeezed shut tightly "It hurts okay? But it's good kind of pain...keep going please, don't stop..."

And Ilya obeyed. He was careful all the way until he slid his finger in fully, waiting to feel Shane's body relax just a little bit before starting to move it slowly.

"Oh God.." Shane whimpered, clawing on the mattress under him. "Ilya..."

"Does that feel good?" Ilya asked softly, completely mesmerized by watching his finger dissapear and then reappear out of Shane's hole.

"Yes... yes, keep going.." Shane encouraged, and Ilya had no intention to stop, now that he knew it made Shane feel good. He pumped his finger in and out, slow at first, letting Shane get adjusted to it.

"Faster Ilya...please..more..." Shane pleaded after few minutes. Ilya wasn't sure if Shane was fully ready, but he didn't want to deprive him of what he needed either. He sped up his finger, making sure to push it all the way in to his knuckles with each thrust. Even Ilya let out a groan at the sight of Shane's hole just taking it in so fucking well.

"So beautiful..." Ilya mumbled, mostly to himself, but the praise made Shane moan even louder.

"Oh, it feels so good...more, I need more..."

"You're not ready yet.." Ilya said, but more like an order. "Be patient with me.."

"I can't Ilya, I need more.." Shane cried out, trying to push himself down on Ilya's finger more. Ilya moved his hand up and pressed it hard against Shane's lower stomach to keep him calm.

"Stop being so bratty and take what I give you.." Ilya said in a firm tone. He didn't want to be an asshole though, so he sped up his finger thrusts even more. He could feel his knuckles starting to burn from every impact they had against Shane's ass.

"Yes!" Shane cried out "That feels good, yes.."

"Jesus Christ, Shane..." Ilya groaned and suddenly stopped his fast movements. Shane whined at that. Ilya rolled his finger in a circle, trying to push Shane's wall even further as he was preparing him for the second finger. He pulled his finger out almost all the way, squeezed more lube over his hole and his fingertips, before slowly pushing in a second finger too. Shane's wince was much more audible this time.

"Shit, Ilya, wait!" Shane cried out and Ilya stopped right away.

"Fuck, did I hurt you?" 

"N-no just... give me a moment okay?" Shane said, trying to calm down his breathing and to try and focus his brain away from the pain.

"C-can you... can you sit closer to the side here?" Shane asked and patted the bed next to him "I want to...I want to touch you, it helps.."

Ilya of course obeyed, not pulling out his hand but just shifting his seat next to Shane. Ilya really thought Shane was gonna hold his hand maybe, or touch over his shoulder, or his back... but Shane's hand flew straight to Ilya's cock. He wrapped his smaller hand around it and gave it a few lazy strokes before speaking. "Better now... you can move.."

Ilya chuckled "Is this what you use for support?"

"Shut up.." Shane whispered, he wanted to say more but he was getting overwhelmed again by Ilya's fingers continuing to slide into him until he bottomed out fully. He squeezed Ilya's tip tighter once he felt them fully in, and started jerking Ilya's cock in same pace Ilya moved his fingers in and out of him.

"Fuck, so good..." Shane moaned, his hand twisting and turning so he can rub every inch of Ilya's cock. Ilya didn't know what he wanted to focus on more: the way he fucked Shane with his fingers or the way Shane jerked him. Both sights were heavenly for him, he was trying to take it all in. But he couldn't really think straight, not now that his desperate cock was finally getting the attention it needed.

"You like that?" Ilya asked through groan "Do my fingers feel good?"

"Yes!" Shane cried out "Fuck, yes, Ilya..." he moaned. Ilya curled his fingers upward at one point and Shane let out this glutteral moan, the kind that was hiding deep in his stomach.

"Do that again please..." Shane begged. "This?" Ilya said and repeated the motion, earning another moan from Shane. Shane's hand sped up over Ilya's cock too, his whole body arching and turning from pleasure.

"Ilya fuck, I don't know how long I can take it, I need you please..." 

"Just a little more baby, I'll hurt you if you're not prepped well.."

"Please! It's good enough, please...I just need you!" Shane cried out, shutting his eyes tightly again, not daring to look up at Ilya because if he did he thought he was gonna cum right then and there.

"Fuck, Hollander.." Ilya shook his head as he pulled his fingers out, rolling over the bed to grab the box of condoms he bought. Shane let go of Ilya's cock, but attached his hand to his own, giving it some lazy strokes as he watched Ilya roll the condom over his dick and coat it generously in lube. 

Okay, this was real now. Shane finally had it in his brain. He definitely wasn't dreaming anymore.

Ilya hovered over Shane and slid between his legs, hoisting his legs up to wrap them around his waist. He leaned down and kissed his way up Shane's jaw to his lips, giving him a few soft kisses before whispering "Ready?"

"You have no idea." Shane mumbled.

Ilya held his dick steady as he pressed the tip against Shane's entrance, sliding it in slowly. Shane threw his head back and exhaled loudly, gripping onto Ilya's shoulders so tightly that he feared he'll pierce the skin. 

"Oh my God.." Shane whimpered. Ilya was so careful and so slow, stopping after every push and checking Shane's face for any sign of pain to just stop. But all he saw was pleasure. It was incredible how well Shane took him, given his size and how long Shane didn't have sex.

"Ilya..." Shane breathed once he felt that Ilya was halfway in. 

"You okay?" Ilya asked softly, pressing more kisses over Shane's cheeks and jaw to try and distract Shane. But Shane couldn't speak so he just nodded in approval. Ilya continued very slowly until he fully bottomed out and Shane felt like he was in fucking heaven. 

"Hurts?" Ilya asked.

Shane just shook his head. He was already fucked out without even getting fucked yet. After a minute or two of Shane getting adjusted to Ilya's size, Ilya finally started moving. He dragged his hips all the way up until only his tip remained in, before slowly sliding it back in. He started off with slow, careful thrusts before he could speed up. He was getting high on Shane's facial expressions: the way his mouth hung open, the way his lips got dry, the way his eyes were closed but Ilya knew his eyes would roll to the back of his head, the way he threw his head back, exposing more of his neck for Ilya to kiss over.

God, Shane drove Ilya completely insane. And that insanity transfered into his thrusts. He didn't even realize when he sped up, but he did. He watched Shane's body jerk up with every thrust, little helpess moans escaping his lips along with bunch of "Ilya" , "more", and "fuck yes".

"Jesus Christ, Shane you're so tight for me...oh my god..." Ilya groaned in the crook of Shane's neck, his brain no longer controling his thrusts at all. Shane slid his nails down Ilya's back, digging them into the flesh and dragging them up to scratch over his back. He didn't want to, but his body just reacted that way.

"Fuck!" Ilya hissed as Shane scratched him, adjusting himself on his knees and raising Shane's hips up so he could fuck deeper into him.

"Ilya!" Shane cried out "Oh fuck! Yes, yes, yes, yes..." he moaned with each thrust. Ilya dug his fingers into the flesh of Shane's ass, holding it for support like his life depended on it.

"You still okay?" Ilya managed to whisper between his own groans and moans. Again, Shane just nodded. It felt like 'yes' was too complicated of word to think now, with the way Ilya was drilling him into the mattress.

"Fuck!" Shane cried out as he felt his orgasm build up. He actually felt like crying because he didn't want to cum so quickly, he didn't want it to be over for him so fast.

"You're so fucking perfect.." Ilya spoke against Shane's neck, his tongue trailing up the vein that appeared on his neck. He bit down on it lightly before whispering "Mine."

"Yours...oh fuck, Ilya, more! Please!" Shane moaned.

"So fucking greedy..." Ilya said and adjusted the angle again, thrusting now in short but fast thrusts. Shane's hand instinctively wrapped around his own cock, not jerking himself, but just letting the power of Ilya's thrusts move his cock in his hand. There was no point in controling it anymore, his orgasm was definitely coming. And he completely gave up any control of his voice too, his moans turning so loud that it felt like they echoed throughout the whole house.

"Fuck, Shane!" Ilya groaned as his thrusts became sloppy, feeling his own high coming too.

"I can't... Ilya, I can't- oh fuck!" Shane cried out as he finally came, the cum spilling out all over his hand and his tummy. Ilya finally raised his head out of Shane's neck and pressed a hard, open mouth kiss on Shane's lips. He moaned into his mouth as he gave in too, cumming into the condom. He didn't stop thrusting while he rode it out, but his thrusts definitely became slower.

"Oh God.." Shane breathed out as Ilya pulled away from the kiss, trying to bring his breathing and his thoughts back to normal.

"Fuck Shane..." Ilya panted and let his body fall down over Shane's as he finally stopped thrusting, but didn't pull it out yet.

"That was..." Shane spoke after a few minutes of just laying tangled like that, trying to calm themselves.

"I know... it was insane..." Ilya chuckled. "You feel so fucking amazing..."

"Tell me about it..." Shane smiled and kissed the top of Ilya's head "It was perfect. I couldn't have asked for a better first time with you..."

Ilya raised his head up and kissed Shane, much more gently this time. "Are you sure you're okay? I didn't hurt you...?"

Shane shook his head "No. I feel amazing. I promise...maybe a little stinky and smelly, but nothing that a quick shower now won't fix."

Ilya raised his brow and smirked "A shower? Where do you think you're going? I'm not done with you yet."

Chapter 8: dinners and dramas

Well, that weekend ended faster than they both wanted. It seemed like they only blinked and it was Sunday morning again and they both needed to wake up and go pick up the kids. I mean, they both missed their kids like crazy but... a day more of just them alone couldn't hurt, right? At least those were Shane's thoughts as he dragged himself across the bed, unwilling to get up. Ilya was already up and making their coffees downstairs, but Shane just couldn't pull himself to get up and get on with the day. The bed smelled so much of Ilya that he felt like just hugging Ilya's pillow so tightly until the scent of him permanently engraved into Shane's nose...at least until the next time he can sleep with... his boyfriend now? 

But he knew that sounded stupid, so Shane groaned and finally got out of bed. He got dressed in the same clothes he came over in on friday, instead of just picking any t-shirt and shorts of Ilya's laying around. He went to the bathroom and picked up his toothbrush, well... it was a guest toothbrush, new and unpacked, but now that Shane used it he might as well call it his toothbrush. He had his own tootbrush at Ilya's home. That thought made him smile to himself.

Once he was fully ready, he made his way downstairs where the whole bottom floor smelled of fresh coffee and toast. 

"Oh, you finally decided to get up..." Ilya said as he saw Shane enter the kitchen. Shane dragged his feet slowly, because walking was too major task for him, given how he'd just woken up and how miserable he felt that he had to leave Ilya today.

Shane squeezed himself between Ilya and the counter, wrapping his arms around Ilya's waist and laying his head on Ilya's chest. 

"Did we have to wake up so early? We could've stayed in bed for a little longer..."

"Unless you want Ana and Kai to wait for us at that parking like sad puppies- no, we couldn't..." Ilya smiled and pressed a kiss on top of Shane's head. "Why are you sad like this?"

"Because I'm leaving today..."

"And I will see you on Tuesday for practice, so what's the problem?"

"I know but..." Shane sighed and pulled away from the hug to look up at Ilya. For a second, he didn't want to speak, he just wanted to soak in the beauty of Ilya Rozanov in the morning light. 

"But?" Ilya said and cupped Shane's cheek gently, tracing his thumb over his favorite feature on Shane's face- freckles.

"But who knows when we'll be able to be all alone like this again..."

"I know, we'll try okay? We can use any moment that we can. I see that you don't want Ana and Kai to know right away, which, I honestly don't understand, but that's not the point..."

"No, Ilya, it's not that I don't want Kai to know, I just... I want to ease them into it a little okay? I mean, they're kids. It's probably going to be a little weird for them if they just saw us kissing today..."

"Look, I respect what you want to do really, but I also don't want to hide from them for too long either. I never want to hide anything from Ana, especially something that's good like this. You're right, they don't have to see it all, but it's good that they know and that they know this is okay."

Shane nodded and hugged Ilya again. "Just give me like a week or something? I'll ease him into it and talk to him..."

Ilya hugged him back and Shane felt so peaceful all over again. He felt like a child again, so safe in Ilya's embrace and nothing else mattered to him once he had those hands wrapped around him. 

"Okay toast now? And coffee? We have to get going in about 45 minutes..." Ilya spoke first, pulling away from the hug that just made Shane pout.

“Alright…” Shane nodded and turned around, picking up his coffee mug and the toast Ilya had made for him. He walked to the other side of the kitchen island and took a seat. Breakfast passed without much talking, but somehow they still couldn’t stop holding hands, even while eating. Shane kept stealing glances at Ilya over the rim of his mug, like he was trying to memorize him. The messy curls, the way he leaned on the counter, the way his thumb brushed over Shane’s knuckles like it was the most natural thing in the world. And it made Shane feel insanely happy. 

Because this weekend felt unreal, for both of them. No kids, no schedules, no rushing anywhere. Just them. They had each other now. That was the good part. Soon Ana and Kai would be back. Life would start again. Practices, lunches, homework, chaos. And this quiet, magical little weekend would turn into a memory.

__________

"Papa!!"

"Daaaad!!" 

Kai and Ana yelled the moment they got off the bus and ran towards Ilya and Shane, almost dropping all their bags on the way. Ilya kneeled down and picked up Ana for a tight hug, giving her a few kisses on the cheeks.

"There is my beautiful princess!" He spoke in Russian "I missed you... look at you, baby! Did you have fun?"

"It was so much fun, papa, Kai and I played together all weekend!" 

Yeah, me and Kai's dad too. 

Shut up, Ilya.

"I'm so glad princess..." Ilya smiled and hugged her tightly again "Oh I missed you so much you know..." 

"I missed you too..."

Shane on the other hand was trying not to get climbed on by Kai too much. 

"Daddy! Daddy, daddy, I was so fast! And I scored so many goals and coach said I will play in the NHL one day daddy can you believe it!"

"I can, but Kai, hold on your elbow is in my mouth!" Shane laughed, trying to just hug him normally, but the poor guy was just too excited.

"And he said that I'm the best player on the team just like you were daddy!"

"Alright alright!" Shane chuckled "I missed you too buddy.

Kai finally calmed down and hugged Shane tightly, wrapping his small arms around Shane's neck as tightly as he could "I missed you too daddy. We had so much fun, when can we go there again? I want to go again!"

"I don't know buddy, we have to check with the coach when the next camp is.." Shane smiled "I thought you hated these camps..."

"Yes but this one was so much fun daddy and Ana and I played all weekend..."

Shane smiled and kissed Kai's forehead "I'm glad you had fun baby... how about we go home now and you tell me all about it? Hm? Are you hungry? We can stop and get a pizza on the way..." Shane said. Truth was, he wasn't home all weekend and he had no idea or memory what stuff he had in the fridge to make a normal and balanced meal for him. But pizza for lunch every once in a while doesn't sound too bad, right?

"Yaay! Pizza!" Kai jumped up in excitement and pushed his bags in Shane's hands, already running over to their car. 

Shane glanced at Ilya and Ana next to him, they were still hugging peacefully and murmuring something to each other in Russian. Shane's heart swelled up at the sight but he also felt... jealous. His little energy demon could never be this sweet.

"Anyways, we're off.." Shane said. Ilya looked over at him "Yeah, we're going too.." he said and leaned down to pick up Ana's bag, holding them in one hand while he carried her over to the car in other.

As they both reached their cars and packed the bags, and the kids in their seats, they looked at each other one more time before leaving.

"I'll see you on Tuesday, right?" Shane said with a sad smile.

"Of course. And text me when you come back home okay? And tonight...and tomorrow morning, okay?"

Shane nodded and moved his index finger up to his lips, planting a soft kiss on the fingertip and then pressed the fingertip against Ilya's lips. It was his way of kissing him goodbye out in the open like this and Ilya found that insanely adorable.

And then they were off. Each to their own house and the weekend was over.

__________

Ilya Rozanov: how was your afternoon?

Shane-Kai's dad: tiring. i missed him sooooo much but he already flipped the house upside down. i feel like i spent last hour just cleaning up after him haha

Ilya Rozanov: ah, i have no idea how that feels. i have a girl, the sweetest angel in the world

Shane- Kai's dad: and now you're just rubbing it in my face and that's not nice ilya. kai can be sweet too... sometimes

Ilya Rozanov: yeah, sometimes being the key word

Shane-Kai's dad: stop it hahaha if people read this they would think i don't love my own kid which is definitely not true

Ilya Rozanov: i'm just teasing you :)

Ilya Rozanov: i miss you so much

Ilya Rozanov: the bed feels so empty without you :(

Shane- Kai's dad: i miss you too :( and i know, i'm laying down too and i feel so cold without you to hug me now :(

Ilya Rozanov: i wish i could. i'd do even more than just hug you, you know ;)

Shane- Kai's dad: okay and you just now ruined this very sweet moment and i'm going to sleep now. goodnight ilya!

Ilya Rozanov: goodnight shane! xxx

______

One week later

Kai ran to open the front door as it rung. 

"Daddy! Ana is here!" He shouted through the hallway before opening the dooe, greeted by his friend. And Ilya of course.

"Kai!" Ana smiled and gave him a little box of chocolates and sweets that he loves "Papa say this for you" She said in her still broken, but slightly improved, english. 

"Wow! Daddy daddy look!" Kai said as he ran back to the kitchen where Shane was elbows deep into pots and pans trying to finish their dinner. 

"Huh? What's that buddy?" Shane asked but didn't look away, trying to not burn the steaks. 

"Ana got me chocolates daddy!" Kai jumped up and down excitedly, even though Shane wasn't looking. "Oh how nice! Well did you say thank you to Ana and her dad?"

Kai turned around to face Ana and Ilya who followed him to the kitchen. "Thank you Ana and Mr.... Rozmanlov"

Ilya chuckled "You're welcome Kai...and when your dad digs his nose out of the pan I have something for him too.."

"Huh? What? Yeah, yeah, hi, hi, sit.." Shane said as he moved the steaks onto the plate, putting mashed potatoes and grilled vegetables next to each steak. 

"Ana come let me show you my room!" Kai said and grabbed her hand, running off upstairs before Shane could even tell them to not dare and start playing because dinner will be ready in five minutes. Ilya walked over and wrapped one arm around Shane's waist, leaning in and kissing his cheek softly.

"Baaaby..." He sung. 

"Ilya, I'm trying to make it all even, why won't this fucking broccoli stand straight..." Shane muttered. Ilya rolled his eyes and pulled him closer by his waist again.

"Baaaaaabyyyy..." Ilya repeated.

"God, what?" Shane finally gave up on making plates looking like pinterest mom's moodboard and turned to face Ilya. Ilya leaned in and pressed a quick peck on his lips. He moved his other hand from his back and showed off a bottle of wine.

"What am I supposed to do with that?" Shane asked, confused.

"It's a present, stupid. It's for you." Ilya pouted. "Are you not excited to see me?"

Shane sighed and wiped his hands with a kitchen towel that was tied to his waistbands of his jeans before leaning in and kissing Ilya again, taking the wine from his hands. "I'm sorry, Ilya, I've just been stressed about this dinner..."

"You're not cooking for the Pope, you're cooking for me and my daughter." Ilya chuckled "And it looks and smells fucking amazing anyways..."

"Yeah well I have a feeling that I would do better job cooking for pope than for my boyfriend and his bossy daughter."

Ilya fake gasped "What did you just call my baby girl?"

"Shut up." Shane laughed and kissed Ilya softly, a little longer this time. He wanted one proper kiss before the kids came back downstairs. Tonight was the night, Ilya and Shane decided, that it was the time to tell the kids. They didn't know how to phrase it yet, how to tell two 6 year olds that their dads are in a relationship? Shane guessed they'll just figure out once they come to it tonight.

"You look beautiful." Ilya smiled as he pulled away.

"I'm sweaty and smelly and I look like a wet rat." 

"Shut up." Ilya rolled his eyes "You look amazing as always."

"Thank you..." Shane gave him a weak, sarcastic smile "I can always count on you to make me feel better. Do you want me to open up this wine for us two to drink or?"

"However you want... I could use a glass of wine..." 

"Alright, will do. Can you go and call them down for dinner while I do it?"

After a few minutes, they all sat down for a meal. What seemed like actual perfect family meal. 

Shane already pre cut the steak for Ana and Kai and poured Ilya and himself a glass of wine that Ilya brought. Ilya tried to compliment the dish so many times, but Shane just shrugged it off, like he was just happy that he didn't burn his whole place down tonight trying to cook it. Ilya wanted to hold Shane’s hand over the table so badly, but he forced himself to stay put. They could wait. They should wait. At least until they told the kids.

Speaking of that…

“Hey… Kai… Ana…” Ilya started, glancing at Shane for half a second and nudging his knee under the table, “There’s, uh… something Shane and I wanna tell you…”

“What is it, daddy?” Kai asked immediately, looking up at Shane, speaking with his mouth full, something Shane told him a thousand times not to do.

Shane's stomach dropped so fast in a second. His palms were getting sweaty and his heart was beating way too fast.

Okay. This is fine. You’ve thought about this. You’ve thought about this a lot.

We’re together.

No, too blunt.

We like each other.

Too vague.

We’re seeing each other.

What does that even mean to a kid?

We’re dating.

Is that weird? Is that too adult?

We love each other.

Oh God, no, way too much, abort.

His brain started running laps, ten different sentences overlapping, tripping over each other, none of them making it to his mouth. What if Kai freaks out? What if Ana asks a million questions? What if they think it changes something?

He glanced at Ilya, who was watching him with that calm, steady look, like he was encouraging him to speak up. That somehow made it worse. The panic crept up his chest, his thoughts dissolving into white noise.

Say something. Say anything. They’re staring at you.

And then, Shane blacked out.

“Yeah, uh,” he said suddenly “we’re going to the amusement park this Sunday.”

Silence.

“What?! Like, the big one?! With the roller coasters?!” Kai asked, slamming his fork down on the table.

“Can we get cotton candy?!” Ana joined in, just as excited. Shane blinked.

Oh. Okay. That happened.

Across from him, Ilya slowly turned his head and stared at Shane, eyebrows raised, obvious confusion in his face like he was asking him 'what the fuck did you just say' ?

Shane didn’t look back at him. He just took a sip of his wine and nodded along to the kids’ excitement, and quietly accepted that he had absolutely fucked this up.. very bad.

The rest of the dinner was chaotic. Ana and Kai wouldn't shut up about their trip to the amusement park this Sunday, asking Ilya and Shane so many questions that they had no idea how to answer. It was impossible to get them to eat anymore and they just left upstairs to play after the dinner was over, both of them leaving half full plates on the table. 

Shane was quick to get up and get cleaning once he finished eating too, avoiding Ilya's gaze on purpose because he know how bad he fucked up. As Shane was putting the dishes away in the dishwasher, Ilya helped him and brought the rest of the stuff over to Shane.

“So…” Ilya said after a beat, voice flat in a way that immediately made Shane’s stomach drop. “You didn’t tell me about this amazing plan we apparently had for Sunday. Were you trying to surprise me?” He paused, then added dryly, “Because it sure as fuck worked.”

Shane winced.

“I...fuck, Ilya, I’m sorry,” he blurted out, hands stilling on a plate. “I panicked, okay? I completely blanked. I had a million things in my head and none of them came out right and...” He finally looked at him, eyes wide and apologetic. “I didn’t mean to spring that on you. I swear.”

"You could've just told me or gave me a sign that you didn't want to say it Shane." Ilya frowned, crossing his arms "This just made me feel fucking stupid now.."

"What do you mean stupid? You put me on the spot."

"Put you on spot? We talked about this for days, Shane..."

"And I panicked! I'm sorry. What else do you want me to say?" Shane sighed.

"No this is not about that." Ilya frowned more. "You don't want to tell him yet. Are you ashamed of me?"

Shane groaned, turning to face Ilya again "For fuck's sake Ilya what the fuck are you talking about?"

"I'm serious. Because it feels like it. Why else would you hide it then?"

"Because! Because I care about you, okay? But that's my son Ilya, and he's my first priority in life and I don't know how he'll react okay? I don't know if he'll be mad, he'll be sad, happy, confused, I don't know..."

"So what, it's better to just keep hiding?" Ilya scoffed.

Shane stiffened. “You think this is fun for me? You think I like tiptoeing around my own kid?”

“I didn’t say that...”

“You’re acting like it,” Shane cut in, a little louder now. “Like I’m doing this because I don’t care... Kai is my son. He’s my responsibility. I don’t get to screw this up.”

"And Anastasiya is mine too, and I don't know how she'll react either but I don't want to keep things that make me happy away from her for god knows how long, Shane! You think it's fun for me to sit down and pretend that we're nothing and we're just friends?" 

"First of all, keep your voice down or they'll hear you..." Shane said in a firm voice, grasping the glass on the counter a bit tighter. "Second...I’m not asking you to pretend, I’m asking for time.”

“And how much time is enough, huh?” Ilya asked. “A week? A month? A year? Or do we just keep acting like this isn’t real until it stops being inconvenient for you?”

“That’s not what this is,” Shane said. “Stop twisting it.”

Ilya sighed and looked down in defeat. He nodded slowly "You're right. I'm sorry. I thought we were on the same page here but... obviously not. Different parenting techniques, I guess.."

"What..." Shane frowned.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to snap like this, I guess, I was just excited about telling them tonight..." Ilya said. His face looked fully defeated and Shane knew he screwed up again. 

Ilya felt so stupid in this moment. He wasn't even mad at Shane, how can he be? Of course his kid comes first, that's how it's supposed to be, but he felt stupid for believing that Shane is ready for this kind of commitment. He can't be mad at him, same how Shane probably wouldn't be mad at Ilya. Neither of their kids had moms, they only had them to rely on and thinking that there's another person in their life besides their kid would probably make any kid jealous? Right? That's at least what Ilya could hope is the reason. And not the fact that Shane maybe wasn't thinking they're anything serious yet.

The rest of the night was... calm. Kids played upstairs and Shane and Ilya cuddled up on the couch, trying to get over their first stupid small argument. They kissed but... Ilya's kiss felt a little distant this time. Shane even tried to get him excited a bit by sitting in his lap, but Ilya's hands moved like they didn't belong to him, wrapping around Shane's waist so lightly. Shane could see, feel, almost hear Ilya's emotions and how it hurt him that Shane didn't speak up about them tonight.

And it made Shane feel so fucking awful. But he was too afraid to speak up again tonight, fearing of another argument.

So he waited...waited until Ilya and Ana left that night and until Shane got in his bed and texted Ilya.

Shane-Kai’s dad: hey

Shane-Kai’s dad: i know you're probably mad at me now but i need to say this

Shane-Kai’s dad: i’m really sorry

Shane-Kai’s dad: not just for the kids thing

Shane-Kai’s dad: but for how i talked to you after

Shane-Kai’s dad: i hate that i made you feel like that

Shane-Kai’s dad: i panicked and my mouth just started saying things before my brain caught up

Shane-Kai’s dad: and then i doubled down instead of stopping

Shane-Kai’s dad: which was shitty

Shane-Kai’s dad: i’m not ashamed of you

Shane-Kai’s dad: or us

Shane-Kai’s dad: i’m just terrified of messing this up

Shane-Kai’s dad: kai is my kid, yeah, and i have to protect him

Shane-Kai’s dad: but that doesn’t mean i don’t want you in my life

Shane-Kai’s dad: it doesn’t mean i don’t see a future with you

Shane-Kai’s dad: i should’ve handled it better

Shane-Kai’s dad: i should’ve trusted you more

Shane-Kai’s dad: ilya please

Shane-Kai’s dad: can you just tell me you’re okay

Shane-Kai’s dad: the silence is kind of killing me right now

Shane-Kai’s dad: i don’t want to argue like this ever again, seriously

Shane-Kai’s dad: i promise i’ll do better

Shane-Kai’s dad: i promise i won’t keep running away like tonight

Shane-Kai’s dad: i care about you more than i’ve let myself say

Shane-Kai’s dad: and i don’t want to lose you because i was scared

Shane-Kai’s dad: please text me back

Shane-Kai’s dad: even just one word

And while Shane was spiraling for half of the night, thinking that Ilya was mad at him, Ilya was just....sleeping. 

When Ilya woke up in the morning, it took a while for his eyes to get adjusted to the light before he checked his phone.And then he saw the notifications.

One. Two. Five. Ten. More than that. All from Shane.

He sat up slowly, blinking, his chest tightening as he started reading from the top.

The apologies came first, which made Ilya smile a little because he could almost hear Shane's panicked voice as he typed those out. Then the panic...then confessions about the fear of losing him. By the time he reached the last message, Ilya’s throat felt thick. God, Shane cared so much. How could Ilya be so stupid to think he didn't?

Ilya didn't hesitate before writing back.

Ilya Rozanov: hey i just woke up

Ilya Rozanov: i could never be mad at you for more than 30 seconds just so you know

Ilya Rozanov: i'm sorry too. it was childish of me to expect something like that from you only week into dating. it was stupid

Ilya Rozanov: i promise i'll give you all the time you need as long as you promise to just stay with me xx

Chapter 9: sweetest moments and sleepovers

Chapter Notes

Shane woke up already anxious. Not the slow, sleepy kind of waking up but the kind where his eyes opened and his brain immediately went oh fuck. His hand went straight to his phone before he even sat up.

Five unread messages from Ilya. Shane’s heart actually skipped. He swallowed a lump in his throat and opened the messages, reading it once… then again… then a third time slower.

And fuck.

He let out a shaky breath he didn’t realize he was holding. Relief hit him so hard. His chest felt warm and tight at the same time. Ilya wasn’t mad, thank fucking God. 

Instead of just texting him back, Shane called him right away, not realizing how hard his heart was beating in that moment.

"Come on, Ilya, pick up, pick up..." Shane mumbled to himself.

"Ah?" Was the only thing he could hear from the other side of the line once Ilya picked up. 

"Ilya! Oh baby, I'm so so sorry... I didn't mean to snap like that last night and I promise I'll tell kids as soon as I can, god I was so scared that you were mad at me, I'm so so sorry..." Shane mumbled, in such speed like he was an auctioneer. 

"What...." Ilya mumbled, only then did Shane realize...fuck I woke him up.

"Baby, it's 6:30 in the morning what are you..." Ilya groaned.

"Shit... uh.. I'm sorry I didn't mean to wake you up... fuck, I just got scared that you were mad at me and I saw your messages now and.... I didn't want to text you, I needed to hear your voice..."

"Woah, woah, Shane, slow down you're talking way too fast, I just woke up..."

Shane sighs loudly into the phone. "Because I'm nervous." 

There was a small chuckle on Ilya's side. "Yeah...I kinda figured that part..."

Shane chewed on his lip nervously, thankful that Ilya wasn't there to see it. "You're...you're really not mad? You weren't mad last night?"

"No, Shane, I was asleep..." Ilya sighs, letting out a yawn "And I told you, I couldn't possibly be mad at you for something like that..."

"I know...I'm sorry I chickened out."

"And I'm sorry I pushed you into it. I guess we're even now." Shane could almost hear Ilya smile.

There was a quiet moment. Shane could hear Ilya breathing on the other end, slow and steady, like he was already halfway back to sleep but still holding on just for him.

"I'm sorry for waking you up baby..." Shane spoke, much more slow and softer this time. 

"Is okay... I need to get up for my morning workout anyways and then take Ana to her English class. So thank you for being my alarm today..."

Shane scoffed a little "You know that I expect a sweaty post workout photo like last time, right?"

"You're so spoiled. I send you one picture and now you just expect them every day."

"Yup. Because my man is not next to me when I want him to be at night and I need something to...keep myself busy."

Ilya chuckled "You jerk off to my sweaty photos?"

Shane groaned "Oh Jesus Christ, just go back to sleep okay? Sleep. Pretend I didn't call you ok? Byeeee." Shane said and quickly hung up in embarrassment. 

Ilya laughed once Shane hung up and sat up in his bed, rubbing his eyes to wake up and start the day.

But Shane couldn't bring himself to stop thinking about last night and the fact that they had to hide their own happiness from their own kids hurt Ilya so much. He wanted them all to be happy, almost like one big happy family and Shane's fear of speaking to this 6 year old boy that controlled his life is the only thing that was stopping him from that.

So Shane sat down while Kai was having breakfast and finally decided to get over that fear. The setting helped, definitely, being alone with Kai at their home and not being put on spot like last night was definitely better.

"Cereal good buddy?" Shane asked. Kai just nodded.

"Listen uh... there's something I want to tell you.."

Kai looked over at Shane, eyes wide open all the sudden "Am I getting a puppy?"

"What? No." Shane pouted "No it's uh...different kind of news..." 

"Oh..." Kai's face dropped once he realized he wasn't getting a puppy. "What is it daddy?" 

"Uh..." Shane tapped his fingers on the table nervously "You know how... grown ups like each other sometimes? Like mom and dad like each other, that way you know..."

"Yeah..." Kai said confused.

"Well uh.... I.. like Ilya in that way....and he likes me too and uh, we just like each other right? He's gonna be spending more time around from now on I guess..." Shane bit his lip, watching Kai's face. Kai scrunched up his nose and furrowed his brows, but Shane couldn't figure it out why. Was he angry? Was he sad? 

"How... do you feel about that?" Shane asked after a beat.

"So... you like Ilya how you liked mommy?" Kai asked slowly, cautiously.

“Kind of, yeah… it’s the same kind of love,” Shane nodded. He reached up and gently fixed the strand of hair that kept falling into Kai’s eyes, mostly just trying to give his hands something to do, trying to make the moment feel less awkward.

Kai was quiet for a second. “Does that mean…” he started, then hesitated. “Does that mean Ilya is going to leave too?”

Shane felt it instantly, like his heart just dropped straight to his stomach.

God. He hated that question. Hated that it even existed in Kai’s head.

His chest tightened as it hit him that this was what Kai connected love to. That his only real memory of his dad being in love ended with his mom packing up and walking out the door, leaving him behind like it was nothing. And now his little brain was trying to protect itself, already bracing for it to happen again. Shane swallowed hard and pulled Kai closer without even thinking, pulling him for a hug. 

"No, buddy... Ilya isn't going anywhere soon I promise you that... why would you even ask me that, baby?" Shane said, rubbing Kai's small back.

"I don't know." Kai shrugged. It was true though, Kai didn't know why he asked that or why his little brain was even focused on something like that.

Shane let out another heavy sigh before pulling away and looking down at Kai. "Listen buddy... no matter what happens, I want you to know and remember one important thing: you are the one I love the most in whole wide world and nothing will ever change that, okay? Nothing and no one. You're my number one forever, okay? No matter if I had Ilya or anyone else next to me...."

Kai looked up at Shane but didn't speak. Instead he just leaned back into Shane's hug. Shane knew that Kai felt weird about this, given how quiet he was. Kai quiet only when he's asleep, and even then sometimes he talks in his sleep. Shane braced himself for thousand questions but he didn't brace himself for Kai being quiet like this. He wanted to beg him to at least say something, anything.

"Kai? Do you have any questions buddy? Why are you so quiet...?"

"I just don't want Ilya to go away... I like being friends with Ana." Kai mumbled.

"I promise you he won't. And next time we see him, we'll make sure to tell him that too, okay? You can be the one to threaten him buddy, he'll take your words more seriously than mine anyways..." 

That made Kai giggle a little. And once he did a huge rock fell off of Shane's chest.

After a moment Kai looked up at Shane again "Does that mean we're gonna live together now? With Ana?" 

"Slow down buddy, I'm not so sure about that..." Shane chuckled "But they'll be over much more and we'll be over at their place too...maybe sleepovers there or over here? Does that sound fun?" 

"Yes!!! When can we have a sleepover daddy?" 

"I'll ask Ilya about it." Shane smiled and kissed the top of Kai's head.

_____________

Shane-Kai's dad: i told kai.

Ilya Rozanov: what?? shane you didn't have to tell him if you didn't want to 

Shane-Kai's dad: no, no, ilya i wanted to

Ilya Rozanov: well, how did he react? what did he say?

Shane-Kai's dad: he was confused at first... he asked me "does that mean ilya is going to leave like mommy did" which broke my fucking heart into pieces so you better not leave me any time soon or i will haunt you for the rest of my life for making him sad

Ilya Rozanov: oh poor baby :((( he'll be happy to know that i have zero intent of leaving you 

Shane-Kai's dad: yeah, i told him that too but just so you know he'll make sure to tell you next time he sees you in person

Ilya Rozanov: noted. i guess it's my time to tell ana too then?

Shane-Kai's dad: you don't have to if you don't want to.

Ilya Rozanov: i have to. talk to you later, i'll tell you how it went

Shane-Kai's dad: good luck baby xx

Ilya put his phone down and looked across the living room to Ana playing with her dollhouse. Ilya cleared his throat before speaking to her "Princess, can you come over here for a second?"

Ana looked over her shoulder before putting the dolls down and walking over, standing in front of Ilya. "Am I in trouble papa?" 

Ilya smiled and pulled her over to sit in his lap "No, you're not in trouble baby, I just...I want to tell you something, okay?" Ilya said, moving a golden lock of her hair behind her ear.

She nodded and shot him that puppy eye look, and her blue eyes that were Ilya's biggest weakness.

"You like Kai right? And Shane?" Ilya started. She nodded. "Well uh... Shane and I we... we like each other too. You know how some grown ups do, we just... we like each other like more than friends..." Ilya said cautiously, scanning her face for reactions. But Ana had that Slavic thing about her that made her face show absolutely no emotions in situations like this.

"Do you understand what I mean, princess?"

"I do.." She nodded. "And I knew that too, papa..." 

"You...you knew?" Ilya frowned. Did she see us in secret or something?

She nodded again. “I saw the way you were smiling at Kai’s dad and how you get all excited when Kai and his dad come over… and I saw that day when you picked us up from hockey camp, when Kai’s dad kissed his finger and then put it on your lips, papa…”

“Right…” Ilya gulped. “And, uh… how do you feel about that, baby?” he asked softly, rubbing slow circles into her back.

“It’s okay,” she said simply. “When Papa is happy, I’m happy too.”

That almost broke him. Ilya had to look away for a second because his eyes burned so badly he was scared she’d see him cry. His chest felt too full, like his heart might actually burst. God, she was so small, and yet somehow she understood things that grown-ups struggled with. Love didn’t have to be complicated or scary to her. It was just about being happy and seeing someone you love happy and being okay with that.

He held her a little closer and thought about how he must’ve done something right in this life to be given this sweetest angel of daughter. How this tiny human, who once fit perfectly in the crook of his arm, was already growing into someone kind and thoughtful and so painfully smart. Way too fast, though. Every day she surprised him more, and he enjoyed watching her become smarter each day.

Ilya closed his eyes for a moment, imagining himself looking up at the sky, grateful in a way words couldn’t fully explain.

"Спасибо тебе за неё, Господи." he thought in his head.

"I love you so much, princess.." Ilya said and hugged her tightly. "Thank you..." 

"Why do you say thank you papa, why do you thank me?" She said as she hugged him back.

"I don't know princess, just...thank you.."

___________

Ilya Rozanov: alright, done.

Shane-Kai's dad: well??? how did it go???

Ilya Rozanov: better than i could even imagine honestly. i had to go cry in my room for like ten minutes because she made me so emotional... she said she already knew with the way i smiled at you and she said as long as you're happy i'm happy daddy

Shane-Kai's dad: oh my god :(( she's the sweetest angel seriously! are you okay now?

Ilya Rozanov: yeah... i'm so happy you have no idea. i feel like i could scream. 

Shane-Kai's dad: yeah i know... i can't believe we did that and how well they accepted it

Ilya Rozanov: i know. i don't wanna think about what we'd do if they didn't accept it well

Shane-Kai's dad: i know, me neither. so i wanted to ask you something... i kinda promised kai a sleepover with ana now that we're out and open so how do you feel about sleeping here saturday night and we can go to that stupid amusement park together?

Ilya Rozanov: sounds great! they can have so much fun and when they fall asleep we can have so much fun too ;)

Shane-Kai's dad: don't even dare Rozanov.

________

“Ana! Kai!” Shane called from downstairs. “Stop shouting and come down here. Right now!”

It took them a bit. A bit too long for Shane’s patience that night.

He didn’t even want to go upstairs and see whatever kind of chaos they’d created, that was a problem for Morning Shane.

Finally, Kai and Ana came running down the stairs, already in their pajamas. They’d decided the second Ana arrived that PJs were mandatory for the entire night, because what even was a sleepover if you didn’t stay in pajamas until morning?

“Brush your teeth and then bedtime,” Shane said, pouting as he crossed his arms. “Do you two see what time it is?”

They both groaned in unison. “Nooo!”

“Ten more minutes, daddy, please?” Kai begged.

“Kai Alexander Hollander,” Shane said firmly, “not even a second longer. Go brush your teeth. It’s bedtime. You have to wake up early for the amusement park.”

“Five minutes?” Ana chimed in hopefully.

Ilya leaned out from the doorway and looked at them.

“Anastasiya Ilyinchina Rozanova,” he said, voice just as firm, “you heard what he said. Bed.”

Both kids huffed dramatically but turned around, stomping back upstairs toward the bathroom.

Shane spun on his heels and looked at Ilya.

“Did you just whip out her full name, or did I misunderstand the Russian?”

“You did the same thing with Kai,” Ilya chuckled.

Shane walked over and wrapped his arms around Ilya’s neck. “You know it’s bedtime for you too, sir.”

“Hm,” Ilya smirked, hands sliding instinctively lower wanting to grab Shane's ass. “And what exactly are we doing there?”

Shane laughed and quickly caught his hands. “Nothing your perverted brain is thinking. Can you clean up down here while I put them to bed?”

Ilya nodded. “I’ll shower later and join you upstairs.” He winked before Shane headed up.

Shane stood in the doorway of the bathroom while Kai and Ana brushed their teeth, both of them playing with the water like it was a fountain.

“Stop it, Kai. You’re making a mess,” Shane sighed, rubbing his face and putting on his most exhausted expression in hopes they’d speed it up.

“Sorry, daddy,” Kai mumbled through toothpaste before finally rinsing. Ana followed right after. They jumped off their little stools and raced down the hallway, competing over who’d reach the bedroom first. Kai was so excited about the sleepover that he’d even agreed to swap his usual green dinosaur sheets for something “girly.” Which, apparently, meant… blue sharks. Shane didn’t question it, if that made sense in Kai's brain, Shane was just happy to follow along.

“Bedtime story?” Shane asked with a smile as he tucked them in.

“What? Daddy, I’m not five anymore,” Kai scoffed, puffing up his chest. “I don’t need a bedtime story.”

“Since when?” Shane pouted. “You’ve always.. ”

“I don’t want one!” Kai blurted out.

And then it clicked. Oh. Ooohhh. He’s trying to act cool in front of Ana.

Shane bit back a smile.

“Got it, buddy. Good night.” He kissed Kai’s forehead, then turned to Ana. “You too, sweetheart. Do you need the nightlight to stay on?”

She stared at him, confused, clearly not catching all the words.

“Do you understand?” Shane tried again, but she shook her head. Shane sighed and looked around to try and explain it to her but just in perfect time, he heard Ilya climb upstairs to go take a shower. 

“Ilya! Russian help! How do I ask if she wants the nightlight on?” Shane yelled down the hallway.

Ilya called back in Russian "Princess, he's asking if you want to keep the little light on if you're scared?"

Ana’s face brightened and then she nodded and looked up at Shane.

“Yes, please,” she said quietly in her shy English.

“Alright,” Shane smiled, kissing her cheek. “Good night to you too...”

He turned off the big lights and stepped out. Even with the door closed, he could still hear whispering and quiet giggles. Typical. At least they were in bed.

By the time Shane changed into his boxers and collapsed onto the bed, exhaustion hit him full force. He kept his eyes closed, trying not to fall asleep before Ilya came back. A few minutes later, the mattress dipped beside him. Ilya switched off the light and slid in next to him, pressing his face into Shane’s neck.

“Kids asleep?” he murmured.

“Probably not yet,” Shane smiled softly. “But they will be.”

"So we're good to go too?" Ilya smirked as he kissed over Shane's neck.

"No Ilya!" Shane chuckled "We can't, our kids are right next door..."

"So? I'll cover your mouth and you make no noise like you usually do and we're good to go."

"Shut up. I'm not doing it with them next door.." Shane said, trying to hide the blush over his cheeks from getting embarassed about him being too loud when him and Ilya had sex. 

"Hmm, meanie..." Ilya mused and kissed over Shane's neck more... then his shoulder....then up his neck again....then over his jaw... then to his ear....then over jaw again....finally his lips.

The night of course ended with Shane riding Ilya for what seemed like an hour because he wanted to 'make it slow and enjoyable'. For Ilya it was more of a torture but...sweet torture.

"Look at the time Ilya, we're gonna be like walking zombies in the morning if we don't go to sleep right away!" Shane said as they finished, cuddled up to Ilya.

"Worth it. Just let me catch my breath a little and we'll sleep.." Ilya said. But Shane, already cuddled up to Ilya was starting to doze off. From overall tiring day and that cardio he just did on Ilya.

Ilya kissed all over Shane's hair like he was trying to lull him to sleep some more and he didn't stop until he heard Shane's breath even out and his soft snores. Only then could Ilya fall asleep too, knowing that Shane was safe asleep first.

Chapter End Notes

Спасибо тебе за неё, Господи. - Lord, thank you for her. ♡

Chapter 10: lobsters and sudden trips

Couple months later-May

A couple months went by and somehow everything just slid into place without either of them making a big deal out of it. It stopped feeling new. It wasn't boring either, it was just...normal. The good kind of normal.

Most nights, Shane and Kai spent at Ilya’s place. Mostly because Ilya has a bigger house, a backyard, space for the kids to go absolutely feral. They ran around until they were exhausted, yelling, chasing each other, coming back inside sweaty and loud. Other nights they stayed at Shane’s, all squeezed together, movie nights on the couch, blankets everywhere, Shane threatening bedtime any time kids spoke over the movie. They both got an extra bed for the kid's room because the kids started complaining that the other one was "pushing them out of the bed" or "kicking them in sleep" or was just "snoring". So Ilya and Shane had no other choice.

Weekends were always spent together, one way or another. Parks and picnics that were as chaotic as ever, the aquarium trips where Kai wouldn’t shut up about the fish and kept on pressing his face against the window, the cinema, bowling, ice rinks, walks around the lake, hiking.... Sometimes they just stayed home and did nothing special. The kids would lock themselves in their room and play while Shane and Ilya spent most of the time in the living room, just enjoying each other.

Ana and Kai slowly stopped acting like friends and started acting like siblings. They argued over little things, annoyed each other on purpose, and wherever they went they were always hand in hand. Of course, there was the "whatever Kai had Ana needed to have it too" or "if Kai goes to guitar classes Ana needs to take piano lessons too" type of thing.

They shared snacks, dragged each other around wherever they went, and got weirdly protective over each other. Especially Kai. Ana pretended Kai was embarrassing. Kai acted like Ana was his responsibility as "big brother" even though he was only a couple months older than her and not her actual brother.

Somewhere along the way, Shane became Ana’s best friend too. She followed him around, showed him her drawings, he would always help her pick out what to wear that day and Shane's duty was doing Ana's hair in the morning because apparently, Ilya doesn't do it right. Which made Ilya jealous of his own boyfriend.

And Ilya with Kai... they became inseparable. Kai and his obsession with dinosaurs transfered onto Ilya too and suddenly they spent bunch of evenings putting together their Lego collection of dinosaurs. Kai loved the way Ilya would drive fast sometimes, even though both Shane and Ana hated that, Kai freaking enjoyed it and he would pressure Ilya into taking him for a ride around the block just so he could speed up a few times and Kai would just vibrate out of excitement in the backseat. Kai also became Ilya's sidekick in annoying Shane, which they did on daily basis. Whatever Shane forbid, Ilya allowed. And Kai couldn't get in trouble because he would just blame it on Ilya and Shane couldn't possibly be angry with Ilya. Even if he was, Ilya had his way of repaying Shane....in bed.

It was a simple life both of them needed and wanted. A perfect life. 

____________

"Ana, did your dad finish school?" Shane asked, holding a paper list of grocerie items.

"Yes?" She asked with a pout. Her english was much better now, to the point she could have conversations, but there were still some parts or words that needed improvement. 

"What does he use to write, his legs? Jesus Chris..." Shane sighed and pushed the cart further "Never mind I'll just wing it... what did you two say you want?"

"Ice cream!" The kids said in unison.

Shane took them out to help him get the groceries, which was probably a mistake, while Ilya finished his workout back home. Ilya better thank him for this or at least drop the kids off to practice alone later.

"Alright, what kid of ice cream you want?"

"Cookie dough!"

"Chocolate!" 

They both yelled at the same time and Shane already felt like rubbing his head. "Alright...why don't we get both then?" Shane asked with a sigh, pushing the cart over to the ice cream fridge and getting both flavors.

"Good choice, dad." Kai said and giggled with Ana. Shane rolled his eyes and looked at the list again "Alright we need... honey...sugar...coconut milk...sausages? I think it says sausages..."

"Oh I know where those are!" Ana exclaimed and already run off towards the aisle. Kai of course ran after her. And Shane of course had to chase them down along with the cart.

"Can you both stop running?" 

"Here!" Ana said as she put the honey in and Kai added the sugar to the cart. They continued roaming around the market, just picking up all kinds of stuff. Of course, Ana and Kai had to fill up the cart mostly with sweets. Shane could swear these kids only run on sugar, which Ilya allows. Shane is more of "fruit is also sweet" kind of guy. And Ana and Kai called him boring for that.

"Alright, one last thing on the list....a lobster? Where the hell do I find a lobster here?" Shane frowned.

Ana pouted and looked up at Shane "What's a lob...ster?" 

"It's uh...it's a fish." Shane nodded. Kai frowned and looked up at Shane "Lobster is not a fish!" 

Shane nudged him in the arm and Kai cried out a little "Ow! But it's not..."

"It's uh... oh jesus, what is lobster... it uh... wait, maybe I can google it.." Shane said and already picked up his phone.

But then he heard Kai speak up next to him "It's omar, Ana." Saying it in almost perfect Russian. No accent.

Shane widened his eyes and slowly turned his head to look down at Kai. "The hell did you just say? Since when do you speak Russian?" He was actually gobsmacked. 

Kai just shrugged "Ilya and Ana taught me. And Ilya showed me old flashcards he used for Ana when she was a baby and I learned."

"Ah..." Shane frowned. So Ilya keeps teaching his kid Russian but refuses to teach Shane and instead just jokes how the only words he'll teach Shane are "yes, sir" and "harder please".

"So you learned Russian in few months but you refuse to learn Japanese that I pay good money for?"

Kai shrugged again. "Russian is fun."

"This is insane..." Shane sighed in disbelief but also let out a little chuckle after. He's gonna have a word with Ilya when he comes back home for sure.

"Well, now that we all know what lobster is, let's go and find it and get going then. My legs are killing me.." Shane said and pushed the cart forward. 

"Can we stop and get ice cream please?" Kai whined, clinging onto Shane's arm. 

"But I literally just bought two cans of ice cream for you two.."

"Yes but we want the one in the cone...pleasee, pleaaaase..." Ana whined too, clinging onto his other arm. Shane felt like he was starting to lose his mind slowly. 

"Alright. Fine."

__________

"When did you teach my son Russian?" Shane asked right away as they got into the house and he put all the bags on the kitchen counter. He could see that Ilya had just finished his workout and was getting his water.

Ilya looked at him and raised a brow "Hello to you too, baby, I missed you too, baby..."

Kai and Ana giggled from the other side od the counter as they were still eating their ice creams.

"Yeah, hi, when did you teach my kid Russian?" Shane asked again. Ilya walked over and tried to give Shane a peck kiss but Shane turned his head and Ilya kissed his cheek instead. Kai and Ana giggled again.

"When did you teach him Russian?"

"Jesus Christ, Shane, give me a kiss..." Ilya said and tried to kiss Shane again, only for Shane to turn his head on the other side and make Ilya kiss his other cheek.

"When did you teach him Russian?"

"God, he learned it by himself and by listening to me and Ana.." Ilya groaned.

"So that's how he knew how to say a damn LOBSTER in Russian without an accent today? Cause that's a word we use on regular basis..."

"You knew how to say omar?" Ilya smiled at Kai and high fived him "Up five, my dude!" 

Ana and Kai giggled again.

Shane pulled Ilya back in front of him by his sleeve "Ilya be serious! I've been asking you for months now to teach me how to speak and all the time you're just joking that you'll teach me some....stupid stuff."

"Is not stupid stuff, it's actually very useful stuff." Ilya said and downed his glass of water. Then Shane smacked him across his bicep. "Ow!"

"Be serious! You know I wantef to learn Russian! And you didn't want to teach me!"

"Okay, okay! I'll teach you okay? Tonight, I promise..."

"Ilya I swear to God if you even think about making that joke again..."

"It's not joke. I promise, I'll teach you okay? Can I get my kiss now?"

Shane sighed and turned his head to look and Kai and Ana "If you two are done with the ice creams, go upstairs and play before lunch."

He didn't need to tell them twice. They were out of kitchen in a beat. Shane finally turned to Ilya and Ilya leaned in slowly, kissing Shane. He backed him up against the counter and Shane hopped up on it out of habit, letting Ilya slide between his legs and then wrapped his legs around Ilya.

Shane wrapped his arms around Ilya's neck and pulled him closer, tilting his head to the side so he could kiss him deeper. Ilya kissed Shane like he was hungry, like he didn't kiss him for ages and not just this morning...

"You're smelly..." Shane chuckled into kiss.

"Mmh, but I thought you liked it when I'm sweaty.." Ilya said, sliding his hands up Shane's thighs.

"I do..." Shane mumbled and bit down on Ilya's lower lip. "I prefer it more when you're on top of me in the bed though.."

"How about kitchen counter then?" Ilya smirked.

"No." Shane chuckled "We gotta make lunch, kids have to be at practice in two hours..."

"Just a quickie, pleaase? In, out and done?" Ilya whined.

"No, baby.." Shane smiled and kissed him softly again. "Tonight okay? I bought some flavored lube I want to try out..."

"Ah, dessert in bed.." Ilya mused and kissed along Shane's jaw. 

"Exactly. Now go and shower please, I gotta get these stuff out and start making their food..."

"Yes mom." Ilya groaned and peeled himself off of Shane. Shane hopped off the counter and threw a kitchen towel Ilya's way as he was walking out of the kitchen. "Fuck you, I'm not a mom!" He called out but Ilya only laughed in return, disappearing around the corner.

____________

Shane cuddled up against Ilya's chest on the couch that evening as they watched Dexter. For probably 10th time. 

"Hey, baby..." Ilya started, kissing Shane's head before continuing "Can we...pause for a second? I wanna tell you something..."

Shane pouted and sat up again, pressing pause on TV. "You're breaking up with me, aren't you? Fuck I knew it..."

"What?" Ilya frowned "No, why the fuck would I break up with you? No, it's not that..."

Shane felt like exhaling a breath of relief.

"Then what is it?"

"So uh..." Ilya started again "Me and Ana have this...tradition of going back to Russia every summer just to you know...visit family and stuff. I'm kinda planning on taking that trip next month..."

Shane frowned "Back to Russia? For how long?"

"Like...a month." Ilya said quietly.

"A month?! You wanna be gone for a month?!" Shane said, way too loud. "Ilya I can't... baby that's too long..."

"I'm sorry baby but...we just have this tradition of spending 2 weeks with my side of the family, and then traveling across Russia to visit my wife's side of the family and then back again... we've been doing that ever since Ana was born..."

"I get it but..." Shane already felt like he was getting teary eyed "Baby I can't live without you for a month.."

"I'm sorry, baby, really.." Ilya sighed and sat up to pull in Shane for a hug "I promise I would be back quicker than you can imagine okay?"

"That doesn't sound possible.." Shane sniffed, finally letting a few tears drop "I get crazy when I'm away from you for a day and you want to be gone for a month... I'll go crazy without you."

"Baby don't cry, hey..." Ilya tilted Shane's head up to look at him "I promise I'll be back as soon as I can, okay? Please don't cry, you know it breaks my heart to see you cry..."

"Yeah, well it breaks my heart to see you gone for a month too, so now what?" Shane sniffed. Ilya wiped Shane's cheek and then leaned down to kiss his forehead.

"I promise I'll call you every single day."

"You better." Shane pout "That's bare minimum."

Ilya chuckled a little "Alright, alright...I'll call you twice a day."

"How can you be so calm Ilya.." Shane sniffed again "You're talking about leaving me for a month, not sleeping next to me for a month, not waking up next to me for a month and yet you laugh about it..."

"I'm not laughing baby, it's hard for me too, trust me... It hurts so much to leave you but... I have to. I have family there too, Shane..."

Shane felt stupid. Of course Ilya had family and duty to them back in Russia. He can't be so possesive over him.

"I know...I'm just so sad..." Shane whispered and buried his face deeper into Ilya's chest, letting out a few more cries. 

"I know baby...I'm sorry. I promise to you it will go by so fast you won't even notice it...and I'll bring back so many presents for you and Kai."

"I don't need presents, I just want you to come back to me." Shane said.

"I will, baby. I promise you that.." Ilya sighed and pressed a kiss in Shane's hair. He cupped his cheeks and brought his face up, pressing an even softer kiss on his lips. Just a kiss full of love. 

Shane kissed back through his tears and straightened up his posture, wrapping his arms around Ilya's neck to hold him tighter. He felt like if he hugged Ilya tight enough, maybe he won't go. No, Shane, that's stupid, you can't force him to stay like that.

"Milyy moy..." Ilya whispered against Shane's lips.

Shane pulled away slowly "What's that?"

"It's your first russian lesson. Milyy moy. Means "my dear"." 

Shane pouted and tried to repeat it, but failed miserably. Way too many wovels.

"It's okay baby...say it slowly... milyy...moy..."

"Milyy....moy.." Shane repeated and smiled right after "I got it! Milyy...moy...Ha! Hear that?"

"Good job baby" Ilya smiled.

"What else are you gonna teach me?" Shane smiled excitedly.

"Want something a little more complicated?"

"Well... I can try..." Shane pouted.

"Alright....try saying "ty"..."

"Ty..."

"Svet..."

"Sv-svet..."

"Moyey..."

"Moy....fuck...mo-yey..." 

"Zhizni."

"Zhizhni."

Ilya chuckled and corrected him. "No, no. Zhi-zni." 

"Zhi-zni.."

"Da..." Ilya smiled "That's right baby..."

"And what did I just say?" Shane asked.

"Ty svet moyey zhizni." Ilya said and kissed the tip of Shane's nose "You are the light of my life, Shane Hollander."

Shane let a wide smile creep up his face and leaned in to kiss Ilya again softly. He kissed him while he was thinking back of the sentence, trying to repeat it correctly in his head. Shane pulled away and whispered just inches from Ilya's lips.

"Ty svet...moyey...zhizni, Ilya Rozanov."

Chapter 11: goodybes and welcome backs

Chapter Notes

I just want to say a big thank you to everyone who's been enjoying this fic so far, really thank you, every comment and every kudos means a lot ♡ we're slowly but surely coming to an end of this fic, still got a few chapters left but I have to say I will miss these two idiots in love :(

June

Shane was sitting on the edge of the bed with Ilya’s suitcase open in front of him, folding clothes way too neatly for someone who was absolutely not okay...

Shirts were stacked perfectly on the right, bottoms on the left, socks and underwear in the middle.... Everything organized like it always had to be in Shane's brain. He paused with one of Ilya’s hoodies in his hands, even from the distance he could feel how much it smelled of Ilya and his throat tightened before he could stop it. He pressed his lips together, blinked once, twice, then gave up and let the tears fall anyway. 

It was stupid. He knew it was. Ilya wasn’t leaving forever. He was taking Ana to see family. He was coming back. Shane knew the dates, knew the plan, knew he’d be back in his bed in a month. But it still hurt like a fucking bitch, just the thought that day after tomorrow Shane is going to be back on waking up alone and falling asleep alone. Sure, he managed to make himself busy and take Kai to visit his mom and dad's cottage and spend a month there as the summer was begining, but even that doesn't make him nowhere near happy as just being with Ilya does. He wished he could take them all to that cottage.

The room already felt emptier just thinking about it. Shane folded the hoodie carefully and put it on top of the pile, hands shaking a little. 

"Stop it Shane..." he mumbled to himself and wiped his cheek, trying to wipe the tears off but they just kept coming out. He tried repeating the same sentence over and over again they'll be back, they'll be back, they'll be back, but it didn't help. 

Shane picked up the toiletry bag next. Opened it up to make sure he packed everything, because if he left any of this up to Ilya, he'd probably forget it. Toothbrush-checked, toothpaste-checked, shaving cream-checked... everything was in place. He packed it in the suitcase like cherry on top and then stared down at the packed suitcase. It felt like Ilya was already half-gone which sucked. And then there were new tears that rushed in.

"Hey have you packed my...." Ilya said as he entered the room, but stopping frozen in his tracks once he saw that Shane was crying. Ilya's face softened and he let out a sigh "Baby, don't please...hey..."

Shane tried to turn his head away, trying to hide the fact that he was crying, as if that was happening. Ilya walked over and kneeled down in front of Shane, pulling his face back to look at him.

"Look at me... Shane, look at me.." Ilya said, trying not to sound too devastated at the sight of his man bawling his eyes out. It felt like someone stuck a hand in Ilya's chest and tried to pull out his heart.

"I can't Ilya, I don't wanna.." Shane whispered, still trying to look away "Just leave me, I'll calm down in a second..." 

"Hey, hey, hey..." Ilya pulled him in for a hug "No, I'm not leaving you... why are you crying baby?" 

Shane sniffed and wrapped his hands tightly around Ilya's neck, burying his face in it and letting a new stream of tears flow out. He didn't want to talk, he just wanted to calm the fuck down. He knew that him crying so much is stupid too... but seeing Ilya now, hugging him, feeling Ilya's soft skin, smelling him now didn't help with that at all.

"I don't know okay?" Shane mumbled after a bit "I don't know why I'm crying so much, I just am, I hate that you're leaving tomorrow, I don't want you to go..."

"I know baby..." Ilya sighed and closed his eyes too, his hand rubbing gently over Shane's back. "It hurts me too, so much... I wouldn't leave you if I didn't have to but I promise you...I promise Shane that I'll be back soon and we're never separating after that again." 

Shane lets out a little loud sob "Stop saying those promises so easily, Ilya, I have to live through this month first. Do you know how long a month is? 30 days. That's 30 days without sleeping with you or waking up with you. That's 720 hours of being without you if you want me to be so precise..."

"Shane, look at me.." Ilya said as he pulled away from the hug and cupped Shane's face gently, wiping some of the tears away with his thumb.

"Milyy moy, believe me when I tell you, I know exactly how much it is. I thought about it every night because I wait for you to fall asleep before I cry myself to sleep over leaving you too. Please don't think I don't care about this too, I care too much... I hate the fact that I won't be next to you too and I know it sounds like long but... it will pass okay? Just think of the end, don't think about how long it is, just think that... in exactly a month, you will wait for me at the airport again, you will hug me again, you will kiss me again, I will sleep with you again, I will wake up with you again, you will feel me again...okay?" 

Shane sighed and looked down, melting in Ilya's touch. "It's easier said then done." 

"Promise me that you will try... promise me that you won't cry so much once I'm gone please? Kai noticed too, he asked me why you're so sad all the time, kids feel stuff like that and he needs you now. He's thinking that me and Ana are leaving for good and I barely talked him out of that idea..."

"Fuck..." Shane sniffled "Alright. I can promise that I will try...and least in front of him to not cry that much..."

"Good.." Ilya nodded and reached over for the hoodie that Shane packed last. Ilya put it down in Shane's lap. "I want you to take this...if you miss me to just have it...you can sleep in it or... well, no, actually, don't do the other thing I was thinking about, I like this hoodie."

Shane let out a little chuckle and hugged the hoodie to his chest. "This is the one that got me crying in the first place..."

"Why that?" Ilya caressed Shane's cheek softly.

"Because it smells like you, stupid..." Shane mumbled. Ilya let out a little chuckle and then pulled Shane back for another hug "My baby... moy malchik... please don't cry okay?" 

"I'll try.." Shane sighed, feeling that his tears were finally calming down. Or he just ran out of tears to cry.

Ilya pulled away from the hug after a minute and leaned in to kiss Shane. He pulled his hand back up and pressed his palm against Shane's cheek, holding his face like it was the most precious thing in the world. Which to Ilya it was.

"Ilya..." Shane whispered in kiss.

"Hm?" 

Shane pulled away only an inch "Tonight uh...tonight, I want you to... I need you to make love with me tonight and make me fucking remember what is worth waiting a whole fucking month, okay?"

Ilya bit his lip and leaned in to kiss Shane again, hungrier this time. Shane put the hoodie to the side and pulled Ilya up from his knees and over Shane as he lied down on the bed. Ilya slid down between Shane's legs, so easily, like their bodies were molded for each other.

"Ilya.." Shane whimpered as Ilya kissed down his neck. 

"Shhh... don't talk..." Ilya whispered and started kissing over Shane's neck again, making sure to leave tiny bite marks down all over his neck. 

For the first time in their relationship, they had sex completely freely that night. No condom, no nothing. Shane wanted to feel it, wanted to feel Ilya at his rawest. They went for couple rounds that night, one slow, gentle, long lasting, bunch of kisses and praises... the next round was a little more rushed and hard. Ilya bent Shane over the sink in the bathroom and made Shane look at himself in the mirror as he was taking Ilya from behind. It was pretty quick. And third time was in the shower... well actually, Shane only gave ilya a blowjob there so Ilya doesn't forget "what's he coming back for". They almost went in for fourth time too, but it was around 2 am already and they had to get up in 5 hours and pack up to go to the airport so that probably wasn't the brightest idea.

But they couldn't sleep either. They tried, both of them but any time they would think about falling asleep, they remembered that this was the last night in a month that they will spend together and they would just start kissing all over again...

So they stayed up... they welcomed the morning in each other's arms, still kissing as if their mouth weren't red already, still whispering to each other, just not wanting to let go.

The sun came up, but they didn't feel tired, even after not sleeping for whole night. They had this adrenaline rush inside of them, they went for another quickie before having to wake the kids up, get breakfast ready and before Shane had to drop Ilya and Ana off at the airport. 

The airport scene was...rough. To just say the least. Everyone cried and it genuinely looked like they were saying goodbyes forever which Shane honestly thought it was pathetic. For God's sake, he can't even imagine what he would act like if Ilya actually left him. No, he doesn't wanna think about that...

Shane hugged Ana first, so tightly, fearing that he might actually hurt her. But the poor girl needed it, she was crying hard already too. She made Shane promise her that they will go on one of their little drawing dates when she comes back, only the two of them. And as Ilya hugged Kai, he promised to bring him as many dinosaur toys as he can find in Russia. He'll bring back every single one.

Then finally they hugged each other. Shane wrapped his arms around Ilya so tightly, fearing to let him go.

"Please come back home quickly okay?" Shane whispered.

"I promise I will. I'll text you every moment of every day.."

Shane pulled away after solid 3 minutes and pressed a few kisses on Ilya's lips. He looked down at Kai and Ana who also had hard time saying bye to each other. Kai acted like a real big brother, hugging Ana and comforting her that he'll take care of her dolls until she comes back, trying so hard not to cry himself and be tough in front of her, but Shane could see that his eyes were all glossy.

"Princess, it's okay.." Ilya said and pulled Ana away from Kai. "We have to go now, okay?"

"Okay papa.." She nodded and waved another goodbye to Kai and Shane. Ilya leaned down and kissed Kai's head once again, then gave Shane another kiss too before taking their suitcase and walking off. Shane and Kai waved all the way, until Ilya and Ana disappeared behind the glass of the passport control and then they were....gone.

____________

The first few days after Ilya and Ana left were absolute hell for Shane.

There was no better way to describe it. Everything felt off. Too quiet. Too empty. Like someone had taken a piece of him and just ripped it out without warning. He kept catching himself reaching for his phone, ready to text Ilya something stupid, then remembering he was hours ahead and probably asleep. 

Kai noticed immediately. He asked when she was coming back every day. Asked if Shane had texted Ilya yet, if Ana sent pictures, if they could call her later so he could tell her about something random that happened today or show her a toy she’d already seen a hundred times.

Shane tried. God, he tried to be normal for him. He smiled when Kai smiled. He set up video calls, held the phone steady while Kai talked a mile a minute to Ana, translating half her Russian replies in his head and pretending his heart didn’t ache watching them together on a screen instead of in the living room.

At night, when Kai finally fell asleep, Shane usually sat on the couch for a while longer, phone in hand, staring at old pictures like an idiot. Of Ilya cooking. Of Ana asleep on Shane’s shoulder. Of the four of them squeezed into a booth somewhere, looking like a family. After about a week of that, Shane realized he was starting to lose his mind, so he packed up Kai and drove out to his parents’ cottage.

That helped. A little.

The place smelled like pine and lake water and summers Shane remembered from when he was a kid. Kai loved it immediately. Every day they would spend by playing soccer together in the backyard, or going for a swim in the lake and every night Kai insisted on sitting by the fire and roasting marshmallows. They sat by the fire together, roasting them until they were almost burned, Kai talking nonstop while Shane listened, nodding, smiling, texting Ilya pictures of everything.

Kai beat me at soccer today.

He jumped into the lake without warning me.

He says Ana would’ve loved this place.

Ilya replied whenever he could. Sometimes with voice messages, sometimes with pictures. Ana smiling with his family. Ana and Ilya walking through parks. Ilya sending selfies that made Shane’s chest hurt even more. Sometimes they would be normal selfies and sometimes... well sometimes it would be the kind of selfies that just helped Shane out at night. 

Kai loved his grandparents. Absolutely adored them. And one evening, completely out of nowhere, he told them, very casually, that he had an amazing new sister.

Shane froze mid-movement.

His parents looked at him like, excuse us?

Kai just shrugged like it was obvious. “Ana. She lives with Ilya. She’s my sister.”

Shane didn’t correct him, though. His throat closed up too much for that.

Instead, they ended up doing a family video call later that week. Shane sitting next to Kai, his parents leaning into frame, Ilya and Ana on the other side of the screen as Shane introduced his new boyfriend and his absolute angel of daughter who he promised is not as shy as she was in the call, once you get to know her. His parents absolutely adored Ilya within five minutes, which somehow made Shane feel both relieved and emotional all over again.

The days passed easier after that. Still hard, but manageable. The nights were the worst.

Some nights Shane fell asleep in Ilya’s hoodie, curled around it like it was the closest thing he had to him. It still smelled of Ilya, Shane didn't dare to wash it. Other nights, he didn’t sleep at all. He stayed up texting, because of the stupid time difference with them. Sometimes the texts were just plain sweet, Ilya filling Shane in on what they plan to do that day and vice versa, Shane filling up Ilya with what Kai and him did the day before. Other nights it was more... need oriented. Phone sex became normailty for them and Shane hated it.

He counted days at first. Then weeks. Then, embarrassingly, minutes.

Every picture Ilya sent felt like both a gift and a punch to the chest. Shane wanted him back so badly it almost scared him.

 It hit Shane one night, out of nowhere, while he was lying in bed staring at the ceiling, phone dead on his chest. This wasn’t just missing someone. This wasn’t just being lonely. It felt deeper than that, heavier, like a part of him was just… missing without Ilya. He realized, kind of quietly and with a weird sense of calm, that his life didn’t feel right without him in it. Shane actually couldn't live without Ilya. I mean... he probably could, but he wouldn't call that living. That would be surviving.

By the time the month was almost over, Shane was exhausted but proud of how he handled it.

The last few days felt unreal, like Shane was holding his breath without even noticing. Ilya started sending pictures of suitcases again, open on the floor, clothes folded not so neatly this time, because no way Ilya can fold his clothes like Shane does. 

Their messages got shorter and more excited. No long conversations anymore, just constant check-ins. We’re packing. Flight is early. Ana keeps asking if Kai will be there. Shane reread those texts way too many times, heart doing that stupid jump every single time. He started imagining the exact moment they’d come back. Where he’d be standing, what he’d say first, whether he’d be able to keep it together or if he’d just start crying again, but out of happiness this time.

Kai was as excited as Shane, counting days on his fingers, reminding Shane like he could forget. 

Shane kept busy on purpose. Laundry. Groceries. Anything to make the time move faster. He cleaned the whole house, and went over and cleaned Ilya's house too, which wasn't that hard considering no one was living there for a month. He made sure to restock Ilya's fridge with everything Ilya liked and missed back here and of course all of Ana's favorite candy. He made sure to change their bedsheets in freshly cleaned ones, still smelling of the detergent. He wanted the place to feel homey, like they never even left.

___________

“When are they coming, when are they coming?” Kai tugged excitedly on Shane’s hand, bouncing on his toes like he couldn’t stand still.

“I don’t know, buddy, any moment now…” Shane said, biting his lip and tapping his foot against the floor. They stood by the arrivals terminal, eyes glued to those big automatic doors, just waiting for Ilya and Ana to show up. This didn’t feel real. After a whole month...a whole month...Ilya was finally coming back to him.

Shane kept wiping his palms on his jeans, checking the screen, checking the doors, checking the screen again. Kai squeezed his hand again. And then the doors slid open.

People started coming out in waves. Someone dragging a massive suitcase, couples walking by, families welcoming their loved ones... Shane’s heart jumped into his throat every single time someone new appeared. He was starting to think he imagined the whole thing when...

“I SEE ANA!” Kai yelled suddenly.

Shane’s head snapped up so fast it almost hurt. And there they were. Ana came out first, pink backpack bouncing on her shoulders, eyes already scanning the crowd. The second she spotted Kai, her whole face lit up and she dropped her suitcase without a second thought.

“KAI!” she screamed, running toward him.

Behind her was Ilya. Their eyes met for a second, just a second, and Shane forgot how to breathe.

Kai let go of Shane’s hand and ran straight into Ana, the two of them crashing into each other in a messy hug, talking over each other immediately. Shane barely registered it.

All he could see was Ilya.

Shane didn’t even realize he was moving until he was right in front of him. Ilya dropped his bag and Shane stepped into him, arms wrapping around him tight. He couldn't help it, he let a few tears drop... he buried his face in Ilya's neck, just breathing him in, after a whole month gone, he wasn't only smelling Ilya's faded scent on his hoodie, but he was actually here this time.

"I missed you so much.." Ilya sobbed quietly in the hug. Only then did Shane notice Ilya was crying which made him only cry even harder.

"My God, I missed you too... it was hell, Ilya, hell without you..." Shane sobbed, then pulled away to give Ilya a few peck kisses and wipe away Ilya's tears. "You're here...wow...you're actually here..." Shane spoke as if he couldn't believe it. Ilya smiled through his tears and pulled Shane back from hug.

"I'm here and I'm never leaving again." Ilya whispered.

They knew they had to pull themselves together. They're in public and their kids are right there, still hugging and talking about all the kids nonsense that the other one missed on this month.

Shane knew that he had no reason to hug Ilya so much now. He can do it back at home. He can do it tonight in bed, because Ilya was finally coming back home with him.

_________

The rest of the day went by so quickly. Ana and Ilya kept talking about their trip, well... mostly Ana kept talking. Ilya and Shane just stared at each other half the time like idiots. Ilya and Ana brought back so many presents for them, Ilya had to buy an extra suitcase just to bring it all back. Dinosaurs and clothes for Kai, as promised, and for Shane bunch of sweets that Shane said he wanted to try whenever Ilya talked about his childhood. 

They had dinner together, finally back like a happy family. They put the kids to bed which was easier than expected since both of them were exhausted.

Then it was only the two of them, all alone again.

Shane pushed Ilya down on the bed, breaking the kiss that was already happening, only to climb in his lap and kiss him all over again. Ilya slid his hands under Shane's shirt and took it off in one quick movement. 

"I fucking missed you..." Ilya whispered in kiss, unable to keep his hands steady and just let them roam over Shane's naked torso. 

"Mmh, missed you too.." Shane whimpered in kiss, pushing Ilya to lay down after taking off his shirt too. "Way too long without you, way too empty.."

"So needy... did you miss me or just my dick?" Ilya joked.

"Shut up, you know what I mean." Shane mumbled and leaned down to kiss over Ilya's chest now. 

Shane couldn't really describe the feeling of having Ilya back inside him again. Felt like fireworks maybe? Like he was flying? Yeah, something like that works. Ilya had Shane lay down on his stomach that night and thrusted into him from the back. He had Shane squeeze his legs shut which only made him tighter and also made Ilya not last very long. Shane wasn't any better either, but they didn't care that the sex didn't last long, it only mattered that it happened.

Once they were done and once they were laying down in each other's hug again, they didn't feel the need to talk, or do anything more than that. Shane laid his head down on Ilya's chest, listening to Ilya's heartbeat. It made it feel real, hearing Ilya's heart beating again, Shane finally knew he wasn't dreaming and that Ilya was finally back.

"I can't believe I survived a month without you..." Shane spoke first after solid 10 minutes of silence. 

"I thought I was gonna go crazy." He added. Ilya sighed and kissed the top of Shane's head. "Me too... I mean... being there was great, and I loved seeing my family again and...Ana was so happy too but...it really was hell, not being able to share all that with you and just missing you. I don't want to experience that kind of heart pain ever in my life."

Shane nodded "Agreed. It was the worst month in my life."

"And now it's over and that's all that matters." Ilya said and pulled Shane's face up for another kiss. Another slow, romantic kiss. Shane tilted his head and opened his mouth, letting Ilya in. Their flicked their tongues around each other, fitting their mouth in the most comfortable position. The room echoed with the sounds of kissing, or that's at least how it felt in Shane's head. 

"I love you..." Ilya whispered in kiss. Shane froze in a second. He pulled away slowly, looking Ilya right in the eyes.

"W-what did you say?"

"I said..." Ilya started nervously, chewing on his lip "I love you..."

It hit Shane like a fucking train. Only then did he realize that for all these months, they never said I love you to each other. It's not like they didn't love each other it was more like... they just already knew. Their actions said that for them. But hearing it now, from Ilya's mouth, it hit Shane harder more than any action could.

"I..." Shane blinked a few tears away "I love you too.... fuck I love you so much..." he leaned in and pressed kisses all over Ilya's face like he wanted to suffocate him in affection.

"I love you, I love you so much..." Shane repeated over and over again until he finally reached Ilya's lips, kissing him again. Ilya pulled Shane on top of him again, making sure to drag the duvet over him too. 

"You're mine... you're mine forever you know that?" Ilya whispered in kiss as his hands worked on taking off Shane's boxers again. Honestly he didn't understand why Shane put them back on in the first place.

"I love you and I will love you forever Shane.." Ilya said.

Shane didn't think twice before lubing himself up and lowering himself back down on Ilya. He kissed Ilya again as he rode him slowly, almost lazily. Like he just needed to have him inside and not do much. They kissed the entire time and repeated their I love yous over and over again like they couldn't stop hearing it or saying it. Ilya didn't speed Shane up at any point, he let Shane pick the pace and just enjoy himself. It wasn't hard, or rough, there was no skin slapping sound echoing through the room. It was just very romatic and slow.

They didn't need anything more than this. This was perfect. They had each other again and that's all that mattered.

Chapter 12: dinner dates and drunk sex

Chapter Notes

Here's a really sweet and funny chapter with some very hot sex scenes in the end :) be warned ♡

August

The idea of a proper first date came up quietly, one afternoon while Ilya and Shane were driving to pick the kids up from their language school. They've been together for months now and they realized that they've never been out on a proper, real ass date. Like candles, dinner, wine, restaurant type of date. They were already doing life together so easily that it almost felt strange to realize they had never actually gone out alone, just the two of them, no kids hanging over their heads.

The only problem with that idea were, of course, the kids. Kai and Ana were always with them, no matter where they went. And when they tried to talk to them about maybe going out for one night, just the two of them alone. Kai and Ana had a fit from just Shane asking them about that possibility, demanding that they go out too and that they won't stay alone with the babysitter. Ilya tried too, trying to sneak his way around and say that they'll need to go out and buy some stuff maybe and that babysitter will stay and take care of them, but the two of them didn't fall for that either. Only when Shane asked if it would be okay that his parents, Kai's grandma and grandpa, came to look after them for a night, only then they agreed. Because Kai absolutely adored spending time with his grandparents and this was perfect occasion for Ana to meet them in real life.

Asking his parents was strangely nerve-wracking. Shane didn’t even know why. But they were on board instantly. His mom sounded almost excited, promised they’d spoil the kids and handle everything. Which, of course she would... she didn't spoil him like that when he was a child but it seems like all her parenting techniques went out of the window when it came to Kai.

After they set the date for following Friday and after his parents agreed, Shane could finally throw himself into planning. He would hang over Ilya's shoulder, asking different questions over and over: what kind of restaurant should we pick? How fancy should I dress? Maybe Italian is good? But Italian restaurant for first date is overrated...? Maybe Chinese? I could go for some Chow Mein... no, that makes me puffy everytime I eat it, not good for first date. Maybe...maybe a steakhouse would be good? Oh and I could wear that red button up I bought last week...

But Ilya had other concerns in his head. Well, not really concerns but... just thoughts that wouldn't leave him alone day and night.

Is it too soon to ask him? 

Ilya really tried not to go there. He really did. But once the thought showed up, it just… refused to leave.

Any sane person would immediately say -yes. It's too soon. Especially with kids involved. People would raise their eyebrows at him, asking if he's completely lost his mind. But then again, none of those people were the ones waking up next to Shane, falling asleep next to Shane, being Shane's first and last thought of the day, kissing Shane, loving Shane. 

Ilya would pace around the room whenever he was left alone, making a pros and cons list in his brain. They both had very stable lifes, they both had houses, they get along together perfectly, they didn't fight often, the sex was excellent, everything tipped towards the pros side.

But there was always that little bug in his brain that just itched him. 

What if you scare him?

What if he thinks you’re rushing him?

What if you ruin something perfect by naming it too loudly?

Ilya had already lost once. He knew exactly how much it hurt to love someone and have it ripped away. Maybe that was why this felt so terrifying. Because the thought of scaring Shane away and losing the person he loved the most for the second time in his life was just... no. No his heart couldn't handle that. 

So Ilya was really torn. On one hand, he felt like if he waited any longer his heart would burst and on the other hand if he asked and Shane said no.... his heart would burst anyways. 

Sometimes, he just straight up thought he was insane, that there was no way Shane would say no. He would see how Shane was looking at him, so full of love and affection, every kiss Shane gave him, every "I love you" that he said... it felt like Shane has chosen him a thousand times already. 

Maybe he could just wait... at least until next dinner date. Maybe they can sneak out again sometimes soon. Maybe he can just test the waters tonight, talk to Shane, see how Shane feels about the idea... 

Maybe he should go buy a ring. Just to be sure.

___________

"Maybe we can make reservations for that new sushi place that opened up? You know, the one on the main street..." Shane mumbled as he flicked through the TV channels, trying to find something remotely interesting him and Ilya could watch tonight. The kids were long fast asleep and they just didn't feel like going to bed yet. Shane had his feet up on Ilya’s lap, Ilya was absentmindedly rubbing circles over his ankle...really absentmindedly. Shane glanced over and saw that Ilya was staring at one spot next to the coffee table.

"Ilya?" Shane said and that seemed to have snapped Ilya out of whatever he was thinking about.

"Huh?" His head jerked up in Shane's direction. "What? Did you say something?"

"Are you okay baby?" Shane pouted, putting the remote down in his own lap "You seem a little off tonight."

"Yeah.." Ilya nodded, but he wouldn't even believe himself in that lie, judging by the tone of his voice. "Yeah I'm fine, I was just thinking about something..."

"About what? Is something bothering you?" Shane asked softly, reaching over the couch to hold Ilya's other hand.

"No, no, I promise.." Ilya gave a weak smile and leaned his head back against the cushions "I'm just thinking about the date. I wanna make sure it's perfect for you..."

"Ilya, I don't need perfect." Shane smiled "I just want us, to go out, have fun, have a nice dinner, maybe a few drinks, come back home and continue the fun back in bed..."

Ilya chuckled "Yes but... it's our first date. I just want to make you happy..."

"You don't have to try and do something extra to make me happy, sweetheart, I already love you to like...stupid amounts, you know that? And besides, I've been with you for months now. It's not like you have to try and impress me with something to get into my pants that night."

Ilya raised his brow "Shame, cause I was thinking about getting that new flavor of lube you were talking about, but since I don't have to impress you now I guess..."

"Okay, that you can do." Shane smiled. "I'm not saying no to that. But you know what I mean... like big expensive dinners, fancy wines or champagnes, I really don't need any of that baby. Fuck, if you want we'll go to Domino's or whatever as long as I'm with you."

"Yeah, we're not doing that....and you said something about a sushi place earlier?" 

"Yeah, down on the main street. It's called...Sakura or something like that. Apparently it's really nice inside..."

"You wanna go there? I can call and make reservations tomorrow.." 

Shane bit his lip and thought for a moment, then nodded "Yeah. Yeah I could go for sushi. I haven't had it in ages..."

"Me too." Ilya nodded along. "Alright then, I guess it's set... we have a place.." he smiled. Shane moved his legs off of Ilya's lap and crawled over to him, sitting sideways in Ilya's lap and wrapping his arms around his neck.

"We do." He smiled and kissed Ilya peck. "I love you so much.." 

Ilya smiled and nuzzled his face in Shane's neck, sneaking his hands under Shane's shirt and around his waist.

"I love you too baby..."

Shane hugged Ilya to himself and leaned his cheek in Ilya's hair. They stayed like that for a moment, they always acted like they were deprived of each other's touch when they spend whole days just cuddling each other. Stupid. 

"Do you think..." Shane started "Do you think we'll stay like this for long, long time? Happy like this?"

Ilya swallowed, trying not to make his breathing sound too obviously nervous. "What do you mean baby...why wouldn't we?"

"I don't know...I'm just wondering what do you think..." Shane said, voice just barely above whisper.

"I would love to... I wouldn't change you or this for anything else in the world baby." Ilya said. 

"Yeah, me neither..." Shane mumbled into Ilya's hair. "I wish we could stay forever young like this... but at the same time I really wish to grow old and gray with you."

"You do realize that when we grow old and gray we won't be able to have sex anymore?" Ilya joked. Shane just rolled his eyes.

"Way to ruin a fucking romantic moment, dumbass." He said and smacked Ilya lightly over his shoulder as he pulled away from the hug. Ilya laughed more loudly this time.

"Yeah and that won't be because of me, Mr. Rozanov, you're probably gonna be the one to not be able to get it up.." Shane smirked. Ilya gasped and raised his brows. "Me?! Ilya Rozanov? To not be able to get it up?"

Shane chuckled evily "Oh you heard me, you, sir.."

Ilya smirked and slid his arms under Shane's thighs, getting up and picking up Shane bridal style. Shane giggled and held on tightly to Ilya's neck.

"Ow what are you doing?" Shane said.

"Oh I'm taking you upstairs to show you who can't get it up..." Ilya smirked and walked away with Shane towards their bedroom.

__________

"Alright mom, the dinner is in the fridge, you have mine and Ilya's phone numbers in case you need anything, Kai needs to take a shower tonight before bed, I changed Ana's sheets on her bed and make sure to dress her in the Moana PJs, they're on the top shelf.... fuck what else..." Shane yapped while he was getting ready and putting on his shoes in the hallway. "Oh, right! Ana is allergic to strawberries, peanuts and soy, so none of that for her..."

Yuna, his mom sighed and crossed her arms "Shane I know that, you told me three times already! And stop talking to me like I don't know what the hell I'm doing, who do you think took care of you for half of your life?" She frowned and leaned against the doorway of the living room.

Shane chuckled "I know, mom, I'm sorry. It's just our first night away from the kids and I'm panicking a little..."

"You shouldn't. Me and dad got this. You and Ilya go out and have fun..." She smiled "But don't dare and get too drunk because Shane you know I read..."

"Fine mom!" He cut her off "Don't worry. We're not going out to get drunk, we're just going out for dinner." 

Shane looked at himself in the mirror one last time before Ilya arrived. He was wearing this deep, dark burgundy sweater. Underneath, a crisp white shirt peeked out at the collar. The sweater hugged his waist, the ribbed hem sitting perfectly against his hips, and the white stripes at the cuffs and bottom gave it this subtle, classy edge. Like he was trying to be fancy, but also not trying at the same time. If that makes any sense. It did in Shane's brain. 

He paired it all with simple black pants and polished black shoes. A touch of perfume that Ilya loved as cherry on top of cake and he was all ready. And just in time too, just when the door rang.

"I'll get it! Ana!" Kai yelled as he stormed out the living room and towards the door, opening it right away. Kai tugged Ana in right away and behind her was Ilya, standing with a bouquet of red roses. Shane smiled widely as he saw him, not because of the roses, roses just added to his happiness, but because of the way Ilya looked absolutely gorgeous. I mean, his boyfriend was always gorgeous but tonight he looked especially.... sexy. Ilya wore this light blue linen shirt that was undid on first few buttons, white pants and white shoes, with bunch of jewelry details like a watch and bracelet. He pushed his hair back a little, giving him this cleaner and more sophisticated look, unlike his usually crazy curls that Shane adored.

"You look handsome..." Shane smiled and kissed Ilya's cheek, remembering that his mom was still there.

Ilya cleared his throat and presented Shane the flowers he bought "For you."

"Aw...aren't you a gentleman? You didn't have to baby, really..."

Yuna still stood on the side and cleared her throat loudly, as if she was waiting for something.

"Right...uh Ilya, this is my mom, Yuna...mom, this is Ilya.."

Yuna finally smiled and reached her hand out to shake Ilya's. "It's great to finally meet you in person..."

"Ah, yes.." Ilya smiled "Shane always spoke so much about you, it's great to finally see you..."

"Really? What did Shane say exactly?" Yuna raised her brow.

"Nothing mom!" Shane groaned "We have to get going we'll be late for our reservations... remember what I told you about the kids?"

"Yes, Shane, Jesus Christ, I remember..." Yuna sighed. Shane put on his jacket and held his flowers in one hand and held Ilya's hand in the other.

"I hope Ana won't give you much trouble...if you need anything please call us.." Ilya added just before they left.

"Don't worry about it and have fun you two!" Yuna called out after them before shutting the door. Shane and Ilya made their way over to Ilya's car and Shane smiled once again once he placed the flowers in the backseat.

"Baby, you really didn't have to buy me flowers, I told you already.." 

"And I told you I want to make tonight perfect for you..." Ilya said as he drove off, making sure to grab Shane's hand and hold it in his over the gearshift. Shane leaned back and exhaled softly "This feels weird... I didn't think after that first night we got together we'd get any night for just ourselves again.."

"Yeah well, Yuna and David are life saviors and we owe them big time." Ilya said.

"We do. I promised to my mom I'll take her shopping anyways.."

"Good." Ilya smiled and glanced over at Shane "By the way you look beautiful... you took my breath away ever since I've seen you but I didn't wanna be too much in front of your mom. Made me feel like just driving you back home and straight to bed right away.."

"Stop it." Shane blushed a little "It's nothing special really.."

"Nothing special? You look amazing, baby! Don't dare say nothing special ever again." Ilya pouted.

"Well, you look handsome too baby... not gonna lie, my pants did get a little tighter seeing that unbuttoned shirt..."

"Aw, now you're trying to make me blush." Ilya chuckled. 

"Maybe. Can't wait to take it off of you tonight though, even though it makes your eyes look even more blue and beautiful than they already are..."

"Ah, you're so romantic. Even when talking about ripping my shirt off like a rabid animal." Ilya joked. 

"Stop it. You want the same thing." Shane smirked.

____________

The restaurant had this dark elegance to it. It was dimly lit, but not in like a creepy way, more like in warm and intimate way, with amber lights hanging from the ceiling above every table. Greenery draped from the above, leaves and ivys hanging down the light fixtures. It really felt perfect for first date. Shane and Ilya got escorted to their table and just like the gentleman he was since he picked Shane up, Ilya was now too, pulling out a chair for Shane.

"Aw, thank you.." Shane smiled and let go of his hand to take a seat. Ilya sat down across from him and the waiter came over asking them for drinks. They settled on a nice bottle of white wine, notning special, just something that would pair nicely with sushi.

"Ooh, look at this they have these like...combo stuff, like for two, or three people... maybe we should get that?"

Ilya nodded as he scanned over the menu. "That sounds good, yeah..."

It was the type of concept where you can order a big combo plate and pick and choose kind of rolls you want in it. Which was just perfect idea.

"You can order the rolls baby, I don't even know what half of these are, I had sushi like twice in my life.." Ilya chuckled.

"Alright, alright.." Shane smiled and looked up at the waiter as he brought them their wine, cooled and in an ice bucket.

"So we were thinking about getting this...combo for two?" Shane said politely "and if we can get mix of... sashimi, tempura rolls...maybe spicy tuna rolls too...oh and can we get the california rolls too? I think that would be all.." Shane smiled and handed their menus back to the waiter who after pouring their wine, disappeared and left them alone again, finally.

"This place looks nice...comfy.."Ilya said, looking around.

"Yeah, it does." Shane nodded and picked up his glass of wine. "Cheers, baby?"

Ilya looked at Shane who was already set and stared into Ilya's eyes, just how Ilya taught him. 

"Cheers. To us this time." Ilya smiled and clicked their glasses together.

"To us and to this night and many many more like this." Shane smiled and took a sip of his wine, nodding in approval. "Wow, it's good..."

"Yeah, real good. Read the label, what is it? I wanna get it for back at home."

Shane laughed "Oh Ilya please, as if we ever have the luxury to drink back home..."

"What? It's still good to have it. Maybe we can one night you know, after kids fall asleep, maybe we can sit down and get a little blackout drunk." Ilya chuckled. Shane smacked his hand lightly over the table. "Stop it, we won't do that. Act your age!" 

"Oh, I would but I don't think it would be appropriate to do the things I'm thinking of now that are age apropriate." 

"Oh, and what's that?" Shane smiled and leaned his chin on his palm. Ilya just smirked and wiggled his eyebrows which only earned him another smack on the back of his hand.

"Pervert!" 

"Hey! Have you seen your ass in those pants? Come on, Shane, you're not helping..." Ilya joked.

"Stop it.." Shane smiled and hid his face a little to hide his growing blush "Someone will hear Ilya..."

"Oh? Then maybe I could say all the stuff I plan to do to you tonight just to make them jealous?" 

Shane shook his head. "Don't even dare. Keep it a secret, I wanna be surprised too.." he said and took another big sip of his wine. 

"Oh you'll be surprised baby." Ilya smirked. "But seriously, I can't get enough of how beautiful you are tonight.." He said and softly caressed the backside of Shane's hand that was next to his.

"You said that already.."

"Not enough I think.." Ilya smiled and looked at Shane as if he was scanning all over his face. "I'm so fucking lucky to have you be mine.. so beautiful.." 

"Baby.." Shane mused, blushing again "Are you trying to make me emotional now?"

"No, no, genuinely... I seriously look at you sometimes and think like "wow this is MY boyfriend? insane" " 

"Well, I think the same all the time you know?" Shane said, locking their fingers together. "Especially when I see how like...hot you are, your body, your face, not a single blemish on it, your eyes, your curls... like damn this man was sculpted by Gods.."

"Ah, no I think it's just Russian, Slavic thing." Ilya smirked and took a sip of his wine. Shane rolled his eyes. "Okay, remind me not to compliment you ever again in my life." He mumbled and took another sip of his wine too.

Soon their dinner arrived, the waiter placing this huge board with all the stuff they ordered along with side dips and sauces. It was really fancy and definitely too much. Ilya and Shane looked at each other in this sort of silent agreement like, yeah we're not gonna be able to eat all of this...

"So.." Ilya spoke as they ate "I was gonna ask you something..."

"Oh?" Shane said as he took another bite.

"What kind of...future do you think we have Shane?"

Shane pouted "What do you mean, baby?"

Ilya shrugged, Shane could see that Ilya was a little tense.

"Just what kind of future do you think we have, how do you see us in some near future... not like in 20 years with my limp dick, just like...in next 5 years maybe."

"Hm..." Shane took another sip of his wine. "I didn't think about it that much honestly. I'm more focused on just enjoying every single day with you now...but why are you asking me this?"

Ilya bit his lip nervously. "No reason, really... I just wanted to know your opinions.."

"Why, what kind of future do you think we have?" Shane asked, and again, another sip of wine.

"Well... I was thinking I mean...if we're planning any kind of future maybe in next couple years we could maybe get a house together? Like for all four of us, and maybe kids can finally have bedroom on their own.. maybe some nice backyard, maybe we could get a dog..."

"No animals in the house." Shane chuckled. Ilya pouted, the same pout Kai gives him whenever he asks for dog and Shane says no.

"Excuse me, why not?"

"Way too much hair. And you and the kids for sure won't be the ones to clean up all that."

"Oh you sound so sure of it." Ilya pouted again.

"Yes, because I know you. All of you. And a dog is way too big of responsibility anyways.."

"Excuse me but last time I checked I was 33, not 13? And I'm an adult, I know what kind of responsibility a dog is."

"Yes, but it all looks cute for first 2-3 months maybe and then you'll get bored and everything will fall on me again. I know how it will go. No dogs Ilya." Shane said and again, another sip of wine.

"Fine." Ilya huffed. "No dogs, but what do you think about the house idea?"

"I like it yeah..." Shane nodded. "I think it would be great for kids to finally have a room on their own, they'll need it especially once they get a little older and will want their privacy.."

"Yeah, exactly..." Ilya smiled. Oh if Shane only knew. If Shane only knew that what Ilya was planning is to not make that true in next 5 years, but in next year. 

_____________

The car ride home became the worst part of the night. Or the best. Depending on who you ask. It definitely got louder though.

"Oh oh, you're to-xic I'm slipp-pin un-deeer..." Shane sang, turning up the volume way louder than he usually would

"Oh I'm ad-dicted to you - hiccup- don-t you know that you're to-xic!" Shane wiggled his shoulders a little, pointing his finger over at Ilya who couldn't help but shake his head and laugh at his drunk idiot of boyfriend. Thankfully he was doing all this in private and not back in the restaurant.

Ilya lowered down the volume again on his steering wheel "Alright, Britney, that was enough concert for tonight..." 

Shane huffed and laid back against the seat "Meanie! Booooooo!" 

"Yeah, boo me all you want but that was painful." Ilya chuckled.

Shane leaned over the center console, finger pointed vaguely at Ilya’s chest, missing it by a solid ten centimeters. "You looked disrespectfully good tonight. Like....illegal levels. That shirt? Mmmmh, papi, it looks so good on youuuuu...”

Ilya laughed so hard he had to take a breath. “Shane, sit back before you fall on the gear shift.”

“I am sitting,” Shane protested, even as he slowly slid sideways. “I’m just… sitting diagona...diagonanally...”

Ilya laughed again "Oh God this is amazing. I should get you drunk more often, you're so fun."

"Mmh, you're saying that but - hiccup - you wanna get me drunk just so you can take advantage of me...I know you, you old dog!" Shane giggled and smacked Ilya's bicep.

"Take advantage of you?" Ilya laughed "Please Shane, as if you wouldn't have sex with me even if you're not drunk."

"Mmh, trueee... you know, I wore my nice underwear for our first date thinking I might get laid tonight..."

Ilya raised his brow and couldn't help but look over at Shane, with this absolutely amazed look on his face. "Nice? Underwear? What kind of nice underwear you have? What you have lacy thongs that you like to wear that I don't know about?"

"Nooooooo, silly..." Shane giggled "Just boxers. But nice. Oh..." Shane suddenly pouted like he just got this idea "Maybe it would be better if I didn't wear any underwear at all?" 

"Okay wow, you're either gonna stop talking or we're gonna crash." Ilya said.

"Noo, no crashyy.. okay I stop talking." Shane sulked, but only for a second. "But can I continue to sing?"

____________

Shane dragged Ilya to the bedroom the moment they got into Ilya's place. And by dragged, I literally mean dragged. Shane pulled him by his hand as if they only had seconds to get there and Shane stumbled over a few steps and thankfully Ilya was there to catch him so he doesn't break his face. 

Shane pushed Ilya against the door the moment they got into the room and kissed him right away, messy and sloppy just as he was in that moment. Ilya couldn't even protest, not when Shane was kissing him like that and not when his fingers were already tearing the buttons of Ilya's shirt, desperate to take it off. 

"Mmh.." Shane moaned in kiss "Finally."

"Been wanting this all night, haven't you baby?" Ilya mumbled against Shane's lips, helping Shane take off the sweater and the shirt that were making him feel way too hot in moment like this.

"Yes.." Shane whined "Couldn't stop thinking about it all night.." 

"What did you imagine baby?" Ilya pressed his palm against Shane's bulge, rubbing it softly "Tell me baby, I wanna make it perfect for you, just how you imagined it..."

"Fuck, Ilya.." Shane rolled his head back, the drunkness and the neediness making it so he can't keep his head straight up anymore. Honestly, he was surprised he can even stand now.

"Mmh, want you hard...just hard please, go fucking hard on me, fuck my brains out tonight Ilya please, however you want it wanna be your doll tonight, pretty, pretty doll..." 

Ilya groaned and leaned in to kiss over Shane's neck and over his adam's apple, his hands working their way on taking off the rest of Shane's clothes quickly. He needed him naked right then and there. 

"You're so beautiful for me...so hot, so perfect..." Ilya mumbled against Shane's skin, his hands connecting to Shane's ass, kneading it around. "Aren't you baby? My perfect..."

"Mmh, yes.." Shane moaned, pushing his crotch against Ilya's to rub them together, earning another groan from Ilya. "Want you Ilya please, I can't wait..." 

"You'll get me baby.." Ilya said and picked Shane up, taking him over to the bed. He sat Shane down and then stood up again, undoing his belt buckle and buttons on his pants.

"Mmh..." Shane sat up and helped Ilya pull down his pants and boxers, sliding them completely off his legs.

"Want it in your mouth first?" Ilya asked.

"Yes." Shane nodded eagerly.

"Ah-ah...what do we say when we want something then?" Ilya cocked his brow up.

"Yes, please.." Shane whined, just eager to put Ilya's dick in his mouth already. Ilya smiled and dragged his thumb over Shane's jaw then over his lower lip. "Such a good boy... go ahead."

He didn't need to tell Shane twice. The moment Ilya gave him green light, Shane had his lips connected to Ilya's tip. He sucked it in slowly, twirling his tongue around it, suckling on it like it was a lolipop. He looked up at Ilya through his lashes, and Ilya couldn't help but let out a throaty moan at this sight.

"Oh fuck..." Ilya said and buried his hand in Shane's hair, pushing him down further on his cock "More baby. I know you can do it now.."

Shane closed his eyes this time and pressed his palms on Ilya's thighs as support as he sucked further and further down Ilya's length. He would suck him from the base to the tip, twisting his head so he could get every angle of him.

"That's it baby...oh fuck, that's my good boy... yes Shane..." Ilya praised over and over again, hand guiding Shane's head softly and he had his head rolled back in pleasure. Shane felt extremely proud of himself too, being able to deepthroat Ilya without a single gag was such an accomplishment to him after months of practice.

"Mmh.." Shane moaned around Ilya's cock, sending vibrations through the shaft and up Ilya's spine.

"Fuck!" Ilya groaned. It only made Shane more eager, more needy and desperate, seeing the effect he had on his man. He bobbed his head faster, flattening the tongue against Ilya's underside. All the sudden, it became slurpy and messy, with Shane's drool all over the place.

"Oh shit! Fuck, just like that baby, just like that... want me to cum down that pretty throat first?" 

Shane only nodded fast, faster than his brain could even process what Ilya asked. Ilya's grip on Shane's hair tightened and he started dragging his head up and down in the pace that Ilya needed. Shane didn't have his lips pressed tightly around Ilya again, he loosened the grip and just had his tongue flat out, letting Ilya move him around however he needed to get himself off.

"Fuck! Fu- I'm coming...oh fuck!" Ilya groaned as he buried Shane's head down on his cock, spilling cum straight down Shane's throat. That made Shane gag a little, he's never taken it straight down his throat but he handled this one like a fucking champion.

"Oh my god..." Ilya panted and released his grip from Shane, letting the man under him pull away and gasp for breath. Shane only needed one deep breath before his lips were back on Ilya, kissing over his lower stomach.

"Mmmh, that was hot...need you to fuck me please, pleeeeease.." Shane whined.

Ilya knelt down on the bed and pushed Shane to lay down on his back, pressing another hot kiss on Shane's mouth. Ilya wouldn't admit it but he secretly loved the feeling of tasting himself on Shane's tongue, along with some expensive ass wine now. Prepping Shane was torture for Shane but pleasure for Ilya. Ilya took his sweet time working Shane's hole open, one finger at first, then two, then three, the whole time whsipering the sweetest profanities into Shane's ear. How beautiful he was spread open like this for him. How he's taking his fingers so nicely... how he can't wait to get his dick inside of him later. He recommended different poses for him. Maybe he should bend Shane over the bed... or maybe have Shane ride him turned away from him so he could watch Shane's ass bounce on his dick. Or maybe just spread his legs as wide as they go and look down on how he's fucking him....

Shane felt like he was being punished, seriously. All he wanted was Ilya inside of him and now that Ilya enjoyed so much torturing him like this he couldn't help but just beg and beg, over and over again for Ilya to just stick his stupid dick inside of him. After 15 minutes of the torture, Ilya finally agreed it was enough.

He put a pillow under Shane's head for support and had him lay back and Shane's legs pressed flat against Ilya's chest and hang over his shoulders. Ilya coated his dick in generous amount of lube before finally... finally starting to push inside of Shane.

"Fuck..finally...thank you!" Shane cried out, digging his fingernails in the mattress under him.

"Thank you?" Ilya smirked as he pushed half his length inside Shane with ease. He really prepped him open well. "What a polite baby I have... will you thank me when I fill you up with my cum too?"

Shane whined, rolling his hips, trying to push himself down on Ilya more. "Yes...mmh, fuck I will, just fuck me please.."

Ilya hugged Shane's legs to his chest to keep him steady as he started thrusting before even bottoming out. The thrusts were... fucking fast right from the start. From the very first thrust, Ilya watched Shane's whole body bounce up and down on the mattress from the force of his thrusts.

"You said you wanted it hard baby, hm? This good enough for you?" Ilya groaned.

"Yes!" Shane moaned. Loudly and lewdly. "Yes baby yes, just like that...Ah!" Shane cried out as he felt Ilya wrap his hand around Shane's dick and jerk it in the same pace with his thrusts.

"Didn't know you had a side like this baby..." Ilya groaned again "Fuck! Wanting to be used like this, like a doll? And here I was thinking my boyfriend is this sweet and loving man.."

"Shut up and fuck me Rozanov." Shane mumbled, eyes rolling to the back of the head when he felt Ilya hit his prostate. Shane was already so fucked out and Ilya just started actually fucking him. Ilya snapped his hips hard and fast with every thrust, feeling his balls hit Shane's ass only added to the pleasure.

"So beautiful...such beautiful baby boy.." Ilya mused, looking down at sight in front of him. He could never get enough of this sight.

"Mmh, Ilya...more...please.." Shane moaned, not really realizing what he was asking for. More of what? Cause he had everything he needed.

"So fucking greedy, always wanting more..." Ilya mumbled and readjusted their positions. He kneeled down closer to Shane and leaned down so he had Shane's legs pressed up against his chest and his ass slightly in the air. This new angle felt like a new dimension for Shane. Ilya basically had him folded in half as he started thrusting again, same old hard but with much messier thrusts now.

"Holy shit!" Shane cried out and shut his eyes tightly, feeling his orgasm coming way faster than he expected. Ilya gripped Shane's thighs as support as he fucked into him, also feeling his high approaching.

"Ilya I-I can't I'm gonna...oh fuck" Shane mumbled. "Me too baby...it's okay, you can cum... cum for me..." Ilya mumbled, trying to steady his breathing and his thrusts too.

Shane came messily all over his stomach and only few thrusts later, Ilya burried himself deep inside of Shane, cock twitching inside of him as hot bursts of cum spread inside of Shane. Shane let out one final moan as he felt Ilya fill him up.

"Oh my god....oh my god, thank you...fuck, thank you..." Shane said, sounding completely fucked out. Ilya chuckled and spread Shane's legs to the side so he could lean down and kiss him softly "I didn't mean for you to actually thank me when I came baby, it was just a joke..."

"Still...fuck, thank you.." Shane mumbled and hugged Ilya tightly to himself. "Oh fuck, I love you..." He said through pants, trying to collect himself.

"I love you too baby.." Ilya smiled and kissed all over Shane's face, knowing that that's what helps Shane calm down after his orgasm. Ilya's kisses is all that Shane needs.

"You feel okay baby? I didn't hurt you?" Ilya asked softly as he kissed the tip of Shane's nose. Shane shook his head slowly and lazily "No. Feels fucking great....mmh, just tired..."

"You can sleep now baby.." Ilya whispered and continued to press soft kisses over Shane's face "Sleep my love..."

"Okay.." Shane mumbled still drunkly "But don't pull out okay? Wanna continue in the morning.."

Ilya chuckled "Just sleep, stupid. Don't think about it now..."

Shane smiled as he felt his head get heavier and heavier as he started to fall asleep.

"Mmh, love you..." Shane mumbled with last few ounces of energy.

"Love you too, baby." 

Chapter 13: baby fights and scary accidents

The next morning started with Shane becoming aware of exactly three things at once.

One: his head felt like it was being actively slammed against a concrete wall.

Two: the light coming through the curtains was fucking too much.

Three: he was absolutely never drinking again.

He groaned and rolled onto his side, immediately regretting the movement. His stomach did a slow, threatening flip and Shane froze, one hand clamped over his mouth like that alone could stop him from possibly throwing up.

“Okay,” he whispered hoarsely to no one. “Okay. We’re fine...we’re alive.”

He cracked one eye open. Big mistake. He hissed and shoved his face back into the pillow. Somewhere behind him, he heard a quiet chuckle.

“Oh good,” Ilya’s voice came, far too amused for this early in the morning. “You’re alive.”

Shane groaned again. “That is… very debatable.”

Ilya shifted beside him, clearly wide awake, clearly thriving, which felt deeply unfair to Shane. “Do you remember anything from last night?”

Shane didn’t even hesitate. “Mostly not.... I remember we went out on a date and...that's all?”

“You sang in the car,” Ilya said casually.

Shane stiffened. “…I did what.”

“You sang,” Ilya repeated. “Toxic, by Britney Spears.” Shane frowned and looked up at Ilya "I don't even know that song."

"Oh trust me, you do." Ilya chuckled again.

Shane slowly rolled onto his back, staring at the ceiling like it had personally betrayed him. “I want to bury myself in a hole...”

Ilya laughed, actually laughed, leaning over him. “You also called me papi.”

“That sounds fake.”

“And,” Ilya continued, clearly enjoying himself way too much, “you announced you wore your nice underwear.”

Shane slapped his hands over his face. “Ilya. I swear to God. If you love me at all, you will stop talking.”

“Oh, I love you,” Ilya said sweetly. “Which is why I’m never going to stop.”

Shane peeked through his fingers. “Please tell me I didn’t do anything worse.”

Ilya hummed, pretending to think. “You did tell me to use you like a pretty sex doll when we came back home, which I did.” Ilya smirked.

Silence.

Shane’s hands dropped slowly. “…I need water. Or death. Either works.”

Ilya was full-on smiling now, propped up on one elbow, looking far too handsome for this early in the morning. “You don’t remember that?”

“I remember shit.” Shane muttered.

Ilya leaned down and pressed a gentle kiss to Shane’s lips. “You’re adorable.”

“I am suffering,” Shane corrected weakly.

“Self-inflicted suffering.”

Shane groaned again and rolled onto his side, clutching his head. “Why does my skull feel like it’s full of rocks?"

“That would be the white wine you had last night...”

“Are you sure you didn't bang my head against the wall while you fucked me?” Shane mumbled.

Ilya laughed and wrapped his arms around Shane's stomach, pulling him to sit up and lean against Ilya's chest. "I'm pretty sure, sweetheart, I even put a pillow under your head to keep you comfy."

 “Next time you’re cutting me off after one glass.”

“You said that after the third glass last night...”

“And you still let me drink.”

Ilya shrugged. “You were very fun.”

Shane groaned into Ilya's chest. “I’m never being fun again.”

“You say that now,” Ilya teased, running a hand through Shane’s hair gently. “But give it a few hours. Some water, maybe coffee.”

Shane lifted his head just enough to glare at him. “Coffee sounds like awful idea right now.”

“Toast then?”

“Maybe.”

“Painkillers?”

“Immediately.”

Ilya smiled softly, brushing his thumb over Shane’s cheek. “Stay here. Don’t move. I’ll take care of you.”

Shane closed his eyes again, exhaling. “…You’re unfairly good to me.”

"That's my job that I don't get paid enough for!" Ilya called out as he was leaving the room to go and get Shane his painkillers. 

Shane giggled and laid back down, cuddling Ilya's pillow to his face to hide him from the sun. Ilya really did as promised that morning, he brought him painkillers, he cuddled Shane until they kicked in, they took a shower together and warm water definitely helped sober him up a little, Ilya made him some toast and orange juice which was also a plus and they continued cuddling after breakfast all the way until Shane's parents dropped the kids off. Shane's hangover wasn't fully gone by the time two little demons came back but it was at least managable.

The moment they came in, something felt off. They usually stormed in, hand in hand, running to hug Shane or Ilya. This time they both came in with frowns on their faces, both sulking and both wanting to go in different directions.

"This is new.." Shane said to Ilya with a pout. "Hey buddy?" Shane smiled slightly and pulled Kai over to his lap for a hug "Something wrong my man?"

"Ana kicked me." Kai mumbled, crossing his arms over his chest.

"That's because Kai pulled my hair first!" Ana said, clinging onto Ilya like koala.

"Did not!" Kai yelled over to her. 

"Yes you did!" She yelled back.

"Hey hey hey, both of you stop right now." Ilya frowned "Kai you wanna tell us what happened?"

"I didn't do anything!" 

"It doesn't matter, just tell us what happened." Ilya said in firm voice. 

"Well I was playing with my Lego dinosaur and she came in and said it's her time to play now and I didn't want to give her the toy so she took it and slammed it on the ground and it broke." Kai said through tears "And I wanted to pull her back to make her say sorry but I grabbed her hair and then she turned around and kicked me here." Kai said, pointing to his stomach.

Both Shane and Ilya looked up at Ana.

"Anastasiya is this true?" Ilya asked her.

"Is not papa!" She said in english but then transfered to Russian "He told me a bad word and then pulled my hair papa he did it on purpose!"

"Did not!" Kai yelled over her again. Shane was yet again, completely surprised by two facts, that his son understood her full Russian and the fact that they were even having this argument when the two of them loved each other the most just yesterday.

"Hey hey hey, it's okay.." Shane comforted Kai, rubbing his back and hugging him. "I'm sure she didn't mean to break your toy and Ana I'm sure Kai didn't mean to pull your hair, sweetheart. How about you both say you're sorry and hug it out hm? Then we can have lunch.."

"I don't want to say sorry daddy, I didn't do anything wrong." Kai sniffled.

"Me too." Ana frowned and turned to Ilya. "I want Kai to go back to his house." She said in Russian.

Ilya frowned and looked at her in disbelief "Anastasiya!!! That's enough!" He said in English. 

"What? What did she say?" Shane pouted.

"Nothing." Ilya said quickly before turning back to her "Apologize to him right now. You know he didn't do it on purpose!"

"But he did papa!" She cried out, wiping her eyes a little "Why don't you believe me papa and you only believe him?"

"That's not true at all Ana, I just don't want you two to fight.." 

"Hey, hey, sweetheart there's no reason to cry... look, Kai will say sorry too, right Kai?" Shane said, encouraging him to do so. But before Kai could even say anything, Ana turned towards Shane "No! I want Kai to go home!" She said ina English.

"Anastasiya Rozanova!" Ilya frowned and yanked her arm lightly "That's enough now!"

"It's okay Ilya..." Shane sighed "Maybe she's right, maybe Kai and I can go home while they calm down a little..."

"No, Shane you don't have to.. I'll just go upstairs and talk to her, you two can stay here..."

"You sure?" Shane sighed, still hugging Kai to his chest. Ilya nodded "Positive. We'll be back soon, okay?" He said before walking upstairs to Ana's room to talk.

Shane kissed the top of Kai's head and looked down at him "Are you okay baby? Let me look at you... no more tears, okay?" Shane said and wiped Kai's cheeks "She didn't mean to, buddy, you know that."

"I didn't mean to pull her hair daddy, I promise..."

"I know you didn't buddy." Shane said and kissed his forehead "I know you wouldn't do that on purpose." 

Kai just cuddled back into Shane's chest, just like he always did since he was a baby. This grounded Shane though, it reminded him every single time that this tiny energy ball of human being has his soft side too and that ever since he was a baby he would just cling on to Shane's chest like this. 

As he comforted Kai, Shane had this vivid flashback of the first time he ever held Kai on his chest. Shane remembered sitting there, in the hospital room, feeling so nervous, hands shaking, heart racing.

And then the nurse placed Kai on his chest.

God, he was tiny. Like unreal kind of tiny. Shane remembered panicking for a split second, terrified to even breathe because what if he did it wrong? What if he moved and hurt him somehow? Kai was all scrunched up and red and angry-looking, like he already had an attitude about being born, and Shane had this stupid thought like yeah, that checks out. His skin had been warm against Shane’s, so soft and he looked so fragile. Shane remembered staring down at him, completely frozen, brain totally blank except for this one overwhelming thought: that’s mine. That's my baby. When Shane slowly reached out and offered his finger, barely touching, Kai grabbed it instantly. Just clamped down like he knew exactly what to do. Shane remembered how his breath caught in his throat, how his eyes burned suddenly, how his whole chest felt like it was going to split open. That tiny hand felt impossibly strong around his finger.

Okay, Shane had thought. Okay. I’m here. I’ve got you.

He remembered whispering to him, quietly, messy, half-crying promises. That he’d protect him. That Kai would always have him. Always.

And now, standing here with Kai pressed into him, older and heavier and full of emotions and questions, Shane felt that same feeling settle in his chest again and the same promise, still holding.

"I got you buddy..." Shane whispered "Don't cry okay? Ilya will talk to her now and she'll come back and say she's sorry. But when she says sorry, you have to say it too okay?"

Kai nodded slowly "Okay daddy."

"Good boy." Shane smiled "I love you."

"Love you too daddy."

Soon enough, as promised, Ilya came back downstairs with Ana who was obviously still calming down from crying. She walked in front of Ilya and walked up to stand in front of Shane and Kai.

"Kai. I'm sorry. I should not break your toy and then hit you. I'm sorry." She said, all stoic and acting strong as if she wasn't on verge of crying again. 

"I'm sorry too Ana. I didn't mean to pull your hair."

Both Ilya and Shane smiled at this heartwarming moment.

"Alright, now hug it out you two.." Shane said and watched Kai hop off his laugh and hug Ana. She hugged him back tightly and after a moment they pulled away, and Kai looked at her "Wanna go out and play?"

"I'll race you." She said and ran off right away, Kai following behind her and off they went to the backyard like nothing ever happened. Ilya huffed and sat down next to Shane. "That was close..."

"How did you do it?" Shane smiled. "How did you get her to apologize, little miss bossy? Did you threaten to punish her?"

"No." Ilya chuckled. "I promised her I'll take her shopping tomorrow."

"Of course you did."

__________

September

"Kai, did your dad bring his phone to the supermarket? I can't get a hold of him, I need to tell him we ran out of laundry detergent.." Ilya asked as he leaned over the kitchen counter, looking down at kids who were both peacefully eating their cereal. Kai just shrugged. He barely even saw his dad this morning, since they got up just 15 minutes ago, let alone if he knew if Shane brought his phone.

"Never mind.." Ilya sighed and put his phone down. "I'll try again in a bit.." 

Ilya tried again in five minutes. And then again in another five minutes. But every time it would go straight to voicemail. Shane should be back home by now, unless he went grocerie shopping in fucking Montreal or something? He shouldn't be taking this long, he was already gone for hour and half and he should be back home so they can take kids to hockey practice.

Ilya tried again, but the same thing happened again. Fucking voicemail.

"Hey guys...why don't you go upstairs and get ready for practice? I'll drive you alone today, I have no idea where Shane went..."

"Is daddy okay?" Kai pouted as he hopped up from the barstool.

"Yeah, I'm sure he's fine, he just probably has his phone on silent..." Ilya said and called again. Kai and Ana left to go upstairs and Ilya could finally tap his fingers nervously on the kitchen counter, like he wanted to this whole time. 

"Come on Shane, why the fuck are you not picking up?" Ilya mumbled to himself.

If it turns out that Shane did have his phone on silent this whole time and he just comes home clueless, Ilya's gonna be so fucking mad at him. He's really gonna give him a piece of mind over this. 

Ilya packed the kids up and drove them to their hockey practice, the whole time trying to get through to Shane but still nothing. He tried not to be too obvious in front of kids how nervous he was but he doesn't know how well he managed to do that. At this point he had nothing else to do than to go from supermarket to supermarker and just look for him. 

He went to call Shane once again just as he drove off from the parking lot after the kids left, but just before he hit the call button, he got a call, but not from Shane. It was from an unknown number.

Ilya frowned and picked up anyways. "Hello?"

"Ilya?" He heard familiar woman's voice on the other side. "It's Yuna, it's Shane's mom I uh..." She said, the sound of her voice obviously distressed. It made Ilya's chest tighten without him realizing. 

"Yuna? Why are you calling me? Is Shane with you? I've been trying to call him for two hours already!"

"Ilya honey I..." She sniffled. Then Ilya realized she was crying. "I got a call from uh... from hospital Shane uh.. some car hit him and uh he's been taken to hospital.."

Ilya pressed his foot hard on the brake and stopped the car in the middle of the street so hard he almost caused the accident himself. He didn't care about the cars honking behind him or angry drivers screaming at him as they passed by. His head was fucking spinning in circles, Yuna's words playing over and over again in his head.

"What...." He managed to whisper "What are you talking..."

"Ilya, me and David are packing right now to go over there..." 

"No.." Ilya mumbled, trying to hold back his tears, at least now while he was still on call with Yuna. "What hospital is he in? I'll go there. You two go and pick up the kids from their practice and take them back to your place.. I just dropped them off and they can't see me or him like this..."

There was a brief moment of silence while Yuna thought it over before she sighed "Alright... it's the Ottawa General hospital... Ilya make sure to call me right away the moment you find out what happened to him, do you understand?" She said, her voice actually sounding threatening. "They wouldn't tell me anything over the phone.."

"I will, Yuna. I promise." Ilya said and he finally let a few tears roll down his cheeks "Make sure to tell nothing to Kai. Okay?" 

"Of course. I'll talk to you later." She said and then hang up.

Ilya tossed the phone somewhere onto the passenger seat, hands shaking as he slammed the car back into drive and hit the gas. And he didn’t just drive. He floored it.

He swerved from lane to lane like he didn't give a flying fuck about traffic rules anymore, he crossed the red lights, heart pounding so hard it felt like it was going to explode out of his chest. He didn’t care if he got pulled over, didn’t care if he scared someone, didn’t care about anything except getting to the hospital now.

Seconds mattered. 

Yuna’s voice wouldn’t shut up in his head.

Shane got hit… hospital… they wouldn’t tell me anything…

No. No no no. Not him.

His grip on the steering wheel tightened until his knuckles went white. His vision burned, tears pooling no matter how hard he tried to stop them. Silent, broken little breaths he couldn’t control.

Not again.

Please, not again.

His mind betrayed him, dragging him back years back. The phone call back then. The way the world had stopped making sense in one single sentence: There’s been an accident. Then sitting in a hospital chair, knowing it all before anyone even said the words.

Valeria.

The drunk driver. The driver’s side. Dead on the spot.

Ilya’s chest constricted so hard he thought he might have to pull over just to breathe, but he couldn’t. He pressed harder on the gas instead.

I can’t do this again.

I won’t survive this again.

All he could see was Shane. Shane laughing in his kitchen. Shane half-asleep in the mornings, Shane holding Ana’s hand, Shane whispering baby to him, Shane right next to him.

Please be alive.

Please still be here when I get there.

He choked on a sob, wiping his face with the back of his hand, furious at himself for crying when he needed to focus, when he needed to drive. But the fear was too big. 

He kept thinking, I didn’t get enough time.

I just got him.

I can’t lose him too.

“I can’t,” he whispered to the empty car, voice breaking. “Please… I can’t.”

The hospital sign finally appeared ahead, and his heart leapt and shattered all at once. Relief and terror crashing together so hard it made him dizzy. He didn’t slow down until the last second, tires screeching as he pulled in, barely parking before throwing the door open.

Ilya didn't care about the people he pushed on his way inside or the way he probably scared the poor nurse sitting at the counter.

"Shane Hollander! Is he here? T-they called and said he was in an accident, where is he..." Ilya spoke frantically.

"Mr. Hollander?" She asked after collecting herself from the jumpscare.

"Yes he's here... and may I ask what is your relation to him?"

"I'm his boyfriend... tell me where he is I need to see him..."

"Mr. Hollander is currently in surgery sir, can you please take a seat here in waiting area and I'll get the admitting doctor with you right away?"

Ilya sighed, trying so fucking hard to remain calm. What else could he do, he followed whatever she said and whatever anyone told him to do then.

Doctor appeared 10 minutes later. Ten minutes that felt like ten hours. Ilya was starting to think he was gonna go crazy then.

“Here for Mr. Hollander?” the doctor asked.

“Yes! Me!” Ilya was on his feet instantly, chair scraping loudly against the floor. “Where is he? Is he okay? Is he alive?” The last question slipped out and Ilya just prayed that the answer will be yes.

“Sir, calm down, please.” The doctor raised a hand gently. “Mr. Hollander is fine. He was hit pretty badly, but based on the X-rays, he has a broken arm and a concussion. Other than that, he’s okay. We took him into emergency surgery to set the arm, and you’ll be able to see him as soon as they’re done.”

Ilya didn’t even realize he’d stopped breathing until his lungs burned.

Alive.

His knees almost gave out under him. He sank back into the chair, one hand flying up to cover his mouth as a shaky breath tore out of him. Relief crashed through his body so hard it hurt, like his heart had been clenched in a fist this entire time and someone had finally let go. Inside his head, the words poured out without him even thinking about them.

Спасибо… спасибо… спасибо.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

He whispered it under his breath, over and over again like a prayer. His chest still hurt, fear lingering like an aftershock, but now it was mixed with something warm and overwhelming. Gratitude. The realization that he’d been seconds away from losing everything that mattered to him.

Ilya leaned back in the chair and stared up at the ceiling, blinking away the last of the tears.

Спасибо тебе, Боже… что оставил eго со мной. Спасибо за ещё один шанс, за то, что не забрал его у меня. Я не выдержал бы этого ещё раз… пожалуйста, береги его.

Thank you, God... for leaving him with me. Thank you for another chance, for not taking him away from me. I couldn't stand it again... please take care of him.

"Thank you doctor.." Ilya finally spoke out loud. "Thank you...thank you so much..."

"I'm here if you need anything sir... do you need one of the nurses to come and assist you? You seem pretty shaken up.."

Ilya shook his head. "No I'm okay now. I'm okay... just call me as soon as I can see him please?" 

"Of course." 

As the doctor left, Ilya pulled his phone out and called Yuna right away.

"Ilya? Did you arrive? Is he okay?" She asked frantically. He could hear Ana and Kai talking something in the back and he knows that Yuna is trying to hold it together for them.

"He's okay Yuna..." Ilya sighed in relief "He has a broken arm, they took him to surgery for that now, but he's okay... I just spoke with the doctor.."

"Oh thank God!" Yuna said "Oh my God Ilya... oh thank goodness..." She said over and over again, just trying to keep herself calm. "Did they say how long it will take?"

"I don't know that yet but I'm not moving from this place until I see him. Are Ana and Kai okay? You didn't tell them?"

"No! No don't worry... they asked where you guys are but I just... I don't even remember what I came up with honestly, it's all a blank...anyways we're driving over to our house now so don't worry about them, they can stay the night here..you call me again the second you see him, okay?"

"Of course. Thank you, Yuna. Really."

_______

When the nurse finally came over and told Ilya that Shane is out of surgery and awake, his legs moved faster than his brain could even process what was being said. He ran down the hallway and towards the room nurse told him, every step feeling like 10 years long.

The door creaked softly when he pushed it open.

Shane was there. Propped up in the bed, arm wrapped in a cast and sling, face pale and tired, a small cut on his eyebrow and bruises already blooming along his cheekbone. His hair was a mess, sticking up in weird directions, like he’d just woken up from the deepest sleep of his life.

"Ilya..." Shane said weakly. Ilya slowly made his way over to the side of the bed, immediately leaning down and kissing Shane's forehead.

"I'm here, baby, I'm here.." Ilya smiled, trying to fight back tears again. Happy tears this time.

Shane moved his healthy arm across the bed, reaching over to hold Ilya's hand.

"You look like hell..." Shane joked, his voice still weak.

Ilya let out a shaky breath that almost sounded like a laugh. “You scared the shit out of me,” he said, voice cracking hard on the last word. “Do you have any idea...” he stopped himself before he could even finish the sentence. He felt his eyes burning all over again.

"I thought I lost you too... I fucking thought the same thing happened to me again, I was ready to just hear that sentence again baby and I don't know if I'd be able to live with it.."

"Hey, hey.." Shane murmured weakly "I'm here... I'm sorry I scared you.." 

"No, don't apologize, is not your fault.." Ilya said and caressed Shane's cheek gently.

"Kai.... where's Kai, Ilya.." Shane whispered.

"He's with your parents. He doesn't know anything yet, don't worry..."

Shane let out a heavy sigh as he felt droopy again, like he was gonna fall back asleep.

"I'm sorry I scared you..."

"Shh... it's okay, milyy moy. I love you...you're here. That's all that matters to me. And I'm not letting go of you ever in my life."

Chapter 14: big surprises

Chapter Notes

next chapter will be the final one :( i want to say once again how thankful i am for everyone who read this silly little fic and left their comments, it means so much to me ♡ now enjoy this cute and short chapter!

A few weeks passed...Maybe a month. Time kind of blurred together after the hospital, but one thing was clear, Shane was home, and he was okay. Still in the sling, yeah. Complaining about it every chance he got. Doctors kept saying it would come off soon, Shane kept saying he was going insane, but he was definitely feeling better again. Cooking again, even if it was mostly Ilya doing the heavy lifting while Shane supervised dramatically. He looked tired sometimes, slower than usual, but better. Much better, and that alone still felt like a miracle.

Ilya’s mind went back sometimes. To that day..

To the way Kai reacted when they told him.

The way his face crumpled when he heard his dad was in the hospital. The way he cried like he couldn’t breathe, clinging to Ilya. And then at the hospital, how quiet he got when he saw Shane, how he just climbed onto the bed without asking, and how he refused to leave. Straight up refused. Fell asleep right there, curled against his dad, one hand gripping his shirt.

Ilya never forgot that.

Now he stood in the kitchen, watching Shane struggle with a jar, muttering under his breath while Kai offered to help him out because he's 'big boy' now. And suddenly Ilya just… snapped inside. No, poor choice of words. Just something inside Ilya's brain became so fucking obvious and clear.

Yeah. He didn’t give a fuck if it was “too soon.”

He almost lost him.

That was it. That was the whole argument. He almost lost Shane without Shane ever knowing just how permanent he was in Ilya’s head, in his life, in his future. And Ilya was not letting that happen. Not ever.

He wanted him. For real. For life.

The thought didn’t freak him out. It calmed him down, actually.

Then came the overthinking, obviously.

Then came the details, because his brain couldn’t help itself. The ring can't be too much, Shane wouldn’t want anything flashy. Something simple, something he could wear every day without thinking about it. And definitely not in public, my God, Shane would panic. It had to be quiet. Somewhere where Shane felt safe and comfy. At home maybe? Maybe at his parent's cottage? Does he bring the kids along or just the two of them, no pressure, no audience? Ilya will figure it out.

And then his brain just kept going, because of course it did.

How the hell was he supposed to actually ask him?

Ilya replayed it in his head like a broken record. Did he go soft and sappy, say something cute and careful? Tell him how long he’s loved him, how close he came to losing him, how he wants Shane to be forever his? Or would that freak Shane out? Make him cry too fast, too hard?

Maybe humor was safer. Maybe he’d crack a stupid joke first, something dumb to ease the tension. Shane always relaxed when things got light, when he could laugh. But what if Shane thought he wasn’t taking it seriously enough? What if he laughed and then immediately panicked because oh god this is real?

And if Shane cried… Ilya already knew that would wreck him. No chance he’d keep it together. He could already picture it: Shane’s mouth wobbling, eyes going glassy, trying to say something but failing... Ilya would lose it right there with him. Crying like an idiot, probably swearing under his breath, pulling Shane close because that’s what he always did when he got emotional.

Would Shane say yes right away? Or would he need time? Ilya told himself he’d be okay with that. He would be okay. He had to be. But the thought still made his chest tighten, that tiny fear whispering what if he pushes too much, what if he scares him?

He rubbed his thumb against his palm to calm his thoughts down.

It didn’t have to be perfect. That was the thing he kept coming back to. Shane didn’t need perfect. He needed raw and honest. He needed Ilya.

So maybe it was simple. Maybe he just told him the truth. That he almost lost him and it changed something in him forever. That he wakes up every day choosing him. That he wants to choose him every day for the rest of his life.

Ilya exhaled slowly, watching Shane laugh at something Kai said.

Soon, he thought.

_______________

One month later

"Baby... I was maybe thinking we could make a nice picnic tomorrow in the backyard." Ilya said as he took another bite of his dinner, the one they were having way too late because they had kids to put to sleep to.

"Tomorrow?" Shane pouted "In the backyard? Why not go to a park or somewhere?"

"Kai and Ana asked if we can make it in backyard because of the lake." Ilya shrugged. Lies.

"Oh.." Shane nodded slowly "I'm guessing it's okay yeah, why do you need me to make some snacks in the morning?" 

"No, no, I ordered some stuff from the bakery already." Ilya said too quickly.

"You ordered stuff... but you asked me if it's okay to have a picnic just now?"

Ilya froze for a second. "I mean..." he let out a nervous laugh "I mean...even if you said no to picnic, it can't hurt to have some pastries tomorrow..."

Shane leaned back, watching him. “No, no, no. Rozanov, you’re acting weird. Something’s up.”

“I am not,” Ilya said too quickly again.

“You totally are,” Shane said, smirking. “You’ve been weird all day, asking weird questions, smiling too much at nothing…”

"Did not. Kai and Ana were funny." Ilya said again.

"Hm, something weird is going on here..." Shane gasped then "I know! I know exactly what you have planned!" 

Ilya froze again, actually terrified this time. He could already feel cold sweat starting to run down his neck.

"You wanna trick me and bring a dog into the house tomorrow!" Shane exclaimed "I know exactly what it is now... Kai has been asking about puppies whole week... wow you suck, Ilya you can't even keep this secret away from me, I find everything out!" Shane smirked.

Ilya wanted to scream out of relief. He let out a nervous little laugh. "He he...maybe... yes, maybe... maybe I'm just trying to be nice and make lovely picnic for my boyfriend and his son.."

"Ha! You suck" Shane smiled "But seriously Ilya if you really bring a dog tomorrow, I'll be so mad."

"It's not a dog, okay?" Ilya chuckled "It's nothing. I promise, sweetheart is just a picnic..."

"Hm. Fine. I'll pretend I believe you..." Shane mumbled.

____________

Since he woke up Ilya's been feeling the most nervous he ever felt in his life, but he didn't let it show. He seriously didn't. He smiled whenever Shane smiled, he laughed at Ana and Kai poking fun at each other, made them all pancakes for breakfast, helped Shane clean up the backyard so they can have their picnic there at noon, the weather also couldn't be more perfect. For October, in Canada, the sun was shining way too brightly. Even mother nature gave him a sign that it needed to happen today.

They set up a blanket near the lake and once the delivery arrived with various pastries Ilya ordered like he needed to feed a family of 10, they set it down too. Kai and Ana were already busy chasing each other around while Shane and Ilya finished setting everything up, even bringing a nice bottle of wine for themselves.

"I'm not having much of that, you know what happened last time I drank that stuff.." Shane said as Ilya filled up his glass.

Ilya chuckled "No baby don't worry, I won't let you drink that much today. Especially with kids around... I don't need them hearing your famous Britney performance."

"I still think you made that one up, it couldn't possibly be me, I don't even know that song."

"Fine, I'll film you next time if you don't believe me."

"There won't be next time." Shane grinned and leaned against Ilya's shoulder, taking a first sip of his wine. 

Ilya draped an arm over him, letting Shane curl up against him, and Shane let out a little laugh. “This is nice” he muttered.

The kids were running wild a few feet away, squealing and arguing over who cheated while playing tag, completely absorbed in their own chaos. Ilya glanced down at Shane, who was lazily tracing circles on the blanket with his finger, and felt that mix of nerves and giddiness twist in his stomach. Ilya took a sip of his wine, feeling Shane’s warmth against him, and thought about the little box tucked in his pocket. His heart was racing again...what if Shane freaked out? What if he laughed or cried or did all three? He kept fiddling with the glass, pretending to be calm, but every time Shane snuggled a little closer, his stomach did that twisty thing. 

"Hey kids... oh I forgot the lemonade inside.." Ilya turned and winked at them "Can you two go inside and bring it for me?" 

Kai pouted "But we just started playing!" He whined. Ana frowned and smacked Kai's hand lightly, knowing that it was a signal. "Yes papa! We'll go now" She said and dragged Kai inside.

It was time.

"Shane..." Ilya whispered, not trusting his voice. 

"Hm?" Shane hummed, oblivious, still laying on Ilya's shoulder. 

"Did I tell you I love you today..." 

"Maybe. Don't remember." Shane giggled and looked up at Ilya. "But you can say it again, I don't mind.."

Ilya smiled and leaned down to press a quick kiss on Shane's lips. "Yeah and I got a few more things to tell you actually..." Ilya said, his voice starting to shake a little and he moved so that he didn't sit next to Shane anymore, but in front of him this time.

"What's this?" Shane chuckled "What are you doing?"

"Shane…" Ilya started, voice low and trembling, hands fidgeting in his lap like he didn’t know what to do with them. "I… I love you. I don’t think I’ve ever… known how much I could love someone until I met you. The first time I saw you at Kai and Ana’s practice, I couldn’t even tell you why… I just… noticed you. Not the ice rink, not the kids, not the noise —just you. Your face. Your fucking beautiful face. Your beautiful freckles, your nose, your lips, your eyes… god, your eyes. I don’t think anyone’s ever looked at me like you do, or like I even deserve. And that smile...Shane, your smile makes my chest hurt in the best way, every single time."

Ilya swallowed hard, his voice breaking a little, but he pressed on. "Every day I see you, I feel like I’m falling all over again. Even when we fight, even when you’re stubborn and annoy me and I want to punch you sometimes… I just… I just want to be near you. I’ve never… I’ve never met anyone like you. You take my breath away every single day baby...."

He exhaled shakily, "And our first kiss…" Ilya leaned closer, voice shaking but low, and looked straight into Shane’s eyes, making sure he couldn’t look away. "I’ll never forget it. I mean… the moment you kissed me back, it felt like… like a thousand earthquakes hit me at once, and then a thousand tsunamis came crashing on top of that, and my chest just… it couldn’t breathe, you know? Like my whole body just… exploded into a million pieces and somehow all those pieces belonged to you. I… I never thought a kiss could do that to someone, Shane. But you… you did it to me. And I’ve never stopped thinking about it since. Every night, curling up next to you, feeling you breathe next to me, holding you… every morning waking up and seeing your face still there… I can’t imagine a day without that. I can’t imagine a life where I don’t see you first thing in the morning, where I don’t hear you laugh, where I don’t get to annoy the hell out of you or have you annoy me, where I don’t get to fall asleep with you…"

Ilya swallowed again, voice catching. "And then… a few weeks ago, Shane… when I thought I might lose you… I almost… I can’t even...just thinking about it makes me want to throw up. I almost lost you like I lost her, and I… I can’t do that. I don’t ever want to feel that again. I don’t want to imagine a single day without you in it… I just… I want you. I need you. I want to be the person you wake up to, the person you come home to, the one you love and trust and choose every day… and I want to be that for the rest of my life."

Ilya’s voice dropped to a trembling whisper, "I am sure, Shane. I am sure that you are the person I want to spend the rest of my life with, and even a little after that if it’s possible. I want to meet you in every lifetime and fall in love with you in every lifetime. I want to find new ways to love you every single day. I want… I want all of it. All the messy, stupid, chaotic, perfect moments. Every ordinary second, every happy little morning and late-night cuddle… I want to live all of it with you. I want to wake up to your face forever. I want to go to sleep with your arm around me forever. I want every day to be with you. Shane, I… I want all of my tomorrows for the rest of my life to be with you."

He took a shaky breath and looked straight into Shane’s eyes. Shane’s lips were parted, eyes wide, like he was seeing Ilya’s soul for the first time, but also like he couldn't believe Ilya was saying all of this.

And then he noticed movement behind Shane. Little footsteps. Ana and Kai.

Kai tapped on Shane's shoulder as they reached him, quiet sign to turn around. Shane hadn’t even realized they were there, holding handmade signs that clearly screamed in colorful, messy letters: “SHANE WILL YOU MARRY ME?”

Shane blinked. His jaw literally dropped. He turned back to Ilya, completely gobsmacked, mouth slightly open, heart pounding out of his chest, and Ilya’s chest was just as tight, tears threatening to spill over as he reached into his pocket and pulled out the little box.

Ilya got down on one knee, hands trembling, voice breaking but strong and steady. "Shane… I… I love you more than I’ve ever loved anything. You’re my home. You’re my heart. You’re my soul. You're my life. You make me laugh like no one else, you make me feel alive like no one else, you make me feel safe like no one else ever could. I want to spend the rest of my life making you feel that way too. I want to live every day with you, Shane, and I want to do it knowing that you choose me, every single time. I want all of it. I want forever with you. Shane… will you marry me?"

Shane’s chest felt like it might explode, heat rushing to his face as he tried to process every word Ilya was saying. His heart was hammering so fast it felt like it might burst out of his ribs. Every memory, every kiss, it all came in flashbacks to him at once. He wanted to laugh, to cry, to scream, to throw himself into Ilya and never let go. His eyes flicked to Ilya’s, taking in the shaking lips, the bright, desperate eyes, and all at once Shane knew. He knew without a doubt, without hesitation, that this man was the one he wanted for the rest of his life.

“Yes,” Shane finally said, his voice shaky “Yes, Ilya… of course I will.”

Ilya’s lips quirked into a smile, and Shane couldn’t help but grin back.

"Really? Yes?" Ilya smiled.

"Yes! Yes, yes, yes, yes, I will marry you." Shane smiled, not believing he was saying all these words. Ilya leaned in and kissed him quickly, hearing the excited cheers and giggles behind them and kids clapping excitedly for them.

"I love you." Ilya whispered as he pressed his forehead against Shane's "I love you so fucking much Shane..."

"I love you too.." Shane said, wiping his tears from his cheeks "God I can't believe you did this... I love you..." 

"Papa, the ring! Papa you forgot the ring!" Ana suggested behind Shane, her and Kai still giggling at the way their parents were acting now.

"Right, ring.." Ilya chuckled and pulled back, pulling out a silver ring, with a diamond band going around the middle of it, very subtle and classy, just how Shane liked it. He took Shane's hand and slid it on his finger, smiling at how perfectly it fit.

"Oh, it's so beautiful..."

"I helped pick it out daddy!" Kai smiled. "Me too!" Ana added.

"Did you two?" Shane smiled and turned around pulling them both for a hug "Aw, I love you guys so much... did you know about all this?"

"Yes!" Ana said "Papa said he needed our help, so we helped."

"And you did such a great job... did you draw all this?" Shane smiled, pointing at the signs they held.

"Yes, well... Ana drew mostly. I just helped with the colors." Kai said. Shane let out a little chuckle and pulled them back for a hug "Oh thank you so much for this... I love you both so much..."

Shane then slowly turned to face Ilya again. "Okay wow..." He wiped his eyes again. "Definitely not a dog.."

"I told you, stupid, there was no damn dog.." Ilya smiled and pulled Shane closer to him again.

"Yeah.. oh my God, Ilya I can't believe you did this... this is so perfect... I can't.." Shane mumbled trying to collect himself from the shock. "I love you..." he said and pressed another kiss on Ilya's lips. "I love you so fucking much, Ilya Rozanov. I love you."

"I love you too, Mr. Rozanov." Ilya smiled into the kiss. 

Chapter 15: the wedding

Chapter Notes

We finally reached the end :( i'm so sad but also happy at the same time that so many of you liked this! I've said this so many times but thank you so much to every single one of you! Please leave comments what you think about this chapter and I can't wait to see you in some future fic ♡

Two months later

Shane didn’t sit down to plan the wedding with a notebook and a vision board or whatever like most people expected him to. Like they expected Shane to go full bridezilla mode, or well, groom-zilla. Well... he tried, for most of it. He mostly did it at the kitchen table at midnight, in sweatpants, half a mug of cold tea next to him, phone in one hand and Ilya’s ring on the other hand. He kept twisting it around his finger like he needed to remind himself it was real.

Once Ilya and him set the date for following September, Ilya let Shane handle most of the other stuff. He gave Shane all the freedom to create the wedding of his dreams, he just wanted Shane to be happy with every single detail. Of course, Shane still asked Ilya for feedback on most of the stuff he was thinking off, like the decoration, the music choice, food choice, but Ilya's response was always the same.

"Whatever you want, sweetheart." 

At first, it drove Shane crazy, this whole responsibility Ilya was putting on his shoulders, but he got used to it as time went on. The venue was obvious, they both knew they wanted a smaller, private ceremony with only closest friends and family. Shane's parents cottage was their obvious choice. That was easy.

But everything else felt like hell, especially Shane being a little indecisive boy he is. He had three tabs open on his phone browser, all three with different topics that he didn't know what he needed to focus on. The decorations? The food? What kind of gifts for guests should they make?

The decorations came as first dilemma. He stared at countless centerpieces, each one prettier than previous. Shane didn't even know if he wanted flowers or candles in the middle of tables. Flowers felt nice, but what kind? But candles are also nice, romantic choice.. okay, why not both, yeah? But that felt like too much. Too cliché. Okay, set aside centerpieces for now... what about fairylights between trees. Would that look too cheesy? Maybe greenery felt safer... Jesus Christ, do they really need more greenery, they will be surrounded by trees? Okay, fairylights it is. Okay, yes, overthinking is not helping. Fairylights. Flowers and candles. Matte black and gold detailed plates and gold-colored cloth napkins. Okay. Yeah, see, easy Shane. Nothing to worry about.

"Ilya, do you think black and gold is dumb combination?" Shane sighed and glanced over at Ilya. Ilya was just putting his last bite of late night pizza into his mouth.

"Depends on for what, milyy moy." He mumbled.

"Just give me answer. Is it bad?" 

Ilya shrugged "I don't know, I don't think so... I like that combination, reminds me of my old jersey."

Okay, scratch black and gold. Maybe black and dark blue? Yeah, it sounds more classy. He looked back down at his phone and opened notes app again and changed it right away.

Thinking about food was worse. Buffet? Sit-down dinner? Food trucks sounded fun until he imagined his mom judging it.He thought about finger food. Stuff people could eat while standing, while talking, while holding a drink. That felt right. But he also liked the idea of sitting down at some point, just for a minute, plates in front of them. He couldn’t decide which version of the day he wanted more. So many fucking choices and he won't even dare ask Ilya about his opinion because Ilya would probably shrug it off and say "lets just order bunch of pizzas and burgers for everyone".

But he did need an extra brain to just think it all over once again before he actually called to book everything.

He remembered he actually had two extra brains. Smaller brains. But brains nonetheless.

A few days later, Shane sat with Kai and Ana for breakfast while Ilya was working out. He opened up his phone and showed them pictures that he had as ideas, “Okay,” he said, trying to sound calm "I have these as my ideas...”

Kai nodded like he understood. Ana smiled sweetly.

“So,” Shane continued, “what do you think would look nice?”

Kai didn’t even hesitate. “Balloons.”

Shane sighed. “No balloons.”

“Why not?”

“Because it’s a wedding, not a birthday party.”

Ana leaned over. “What about balloons shaped like hearts?”

Shane rubbed his face. “Still no balloons.”

Kai pointed at a picture of fairy lights. “These are okay. But only if they blink.”

“They’re not blinking,” Shane said.

“They should,” Kai insisted.

Ana added, “And there should be a big sign. Like really big.”

“What would it say?” Shane asked carefully.

Ana thought. “Welcome to the love party.”

Kai nodded. “Yeah.”

Shane stared at them. “No.”

“Why do you keep saying no? You asked us for our opinion.” Kai frowned.

“Because none of this is happening,” Shane said.

Ana gasped. “That’s mean.”

They moved on anyway.

Kai suggested confetti. Ana suggested throwing flower petals at random times “to surprise people.” Kai suggested a fog machine because he’d seen one in a video once.

Shane stopped writing things down entirely. He just glared at them.

“Also,” Kai added, “you and Ilya should come in on bikes.”

“No,” Shane said immediately.

“Skateboards?”

“No.”

“Okay,” Kai shrugged. “Then fireworks.”

Shane dropped the phone onto the table and leaned back. “I’m done. I give up. I'm not getting married.”

Ana smiled, satisfied. “So you’ll think about it?”

"Maybe only about the fireworks.” Shane mumbled.

"Glad we could help!" Kai giggled and poor Shane only rubbed his forehead.

________

3 months later

By then, Shane almost had everything set and if not booked then at least written down and decided in his notes. He realized one of last things he needed to set were the rings and the suits. The suits were the bigger problem out of two honestly, because as always, Ilya didn't really care much but he knew that Ilya will need to care for rings and if not Shane is going to drag him into that jewerly store and tie him down to that chair until they finished designing their wedding rings. Anyways, back to suits...

Shane lay on the bed scrolling through pictures, phone hovering inches from his face, chewing on the inside of his cheek. He didn’t want anything stiff, or shiny, or too boring that they’d look back at in ten years and cringe. He wanted something timeless but not boring, something that felt like them.

He kept imagining Ilya in darker colors. Deep blue, maybe. Charcoal. Something that made his eyes look even darker, something clean and sharp but still soft on him somehow. And then he imagined himself next to him and immediately got stuck. Should they match? Should they not match? Same color, different shades? Different colors but same cut? Why was this suddenly so complicated?

By the time Ilya came into the room, Shane was already annoyed and hadn’t even said a word yet.

“What’s wrong?” Ilya asked, sitting on the edge of the bed.

“Suits,” Shane said flatly, holding the phone up to Ilya's face.

Ilya squinted at the screen. “What about them?”

“I don’t know what we’re doing,” Shane sighed. “I don’t want us to look like we’re going to two different weddings, but I also don’t want us to look like twins.”

Ilya laughed. “Twins would be impressive.”

“Not funny.” Shane muttered.

Ilya reached for the phone and scrolled. “I like this one.”

Shane leaned over. “That’s beige, Ilya." He said with this almost disgusting tone of voice.

“It’s not beige,” Ilya said. “It’s… like gray-ish?”

“It’s beige,” Shane insisted. “You’re not wearing beige.”

“And why not?”

“Because I said so.”

Ilya raised a brow. “Ah. Dictator wife era already.”

"Shut up." Shane sighed and grabbed his phone back. "I think you'd suit darker colors more anyways."

"So if you already know what I'd suit more, why do you even ask me?"

"Oh I don't know because I maybe thought you'd give a crap about wedding for once!" Shane said and let out a frustrated sigh. 

Ilya pouted and scooted closer to Shane. "Sweetheart, how about you take a breath hm? Leave that alone for tonight.." Ilya said and pressed a kiss on Shane's naked shoulder. 

"I can't Ilya, we need to choose, we need to get measured, tailored, everything, you know how long that takes?"

"I do. And I also know we still have 7 more months until the wedding and I think that one night won't make any difference." Ilya pressed a kiss on Shane's cheek. "Put the phone down and let me de-stress you, hm?"

Shane sighed, but listened to him anyways. "How can you even think about sex in moments like this?"

____________

May

By May, Shane finally had everything planned and today was the day he was going to show Ilya the full picture. They layed back on the couch, Shane snuggling against Ilya's chest as he showed him various pictures on his phone and yapped and yapped for what felt like hours.

“Okay, so first...buffet table. No seating stress, everyone can just pick what they want. Then, lighting, I was thinking fairy lights strung everywhere, string lights over the tables, maybe even some little candles on the floor for ambiance. Oh! And the flowers, white and dark blue roses, and candles in these gold holders for the centerpieces, I thought that would look really elegant but not stuffy. Plates and napkins? Black and dark blue, obviously, to match our outfits too. I thought about mixing the flowers with some greenery, maybe eucalyptus? Oh, and dessert table, oh my god the dessert table, cupcakes and mini tarts, maybe chocolate mousse shots, just keep Kai and Ana away from those as far as possible and… and….”

He paused for a breath, looked up at Ilya, who was just sitting back, quietly watching him with a soft smile. Shane noticed him then and kept going, undeterred. “And for drinks, I thought a little self-serve bar? But classy, you know? Not like a frat party. And the favors, we could do something small but meaningful, like little bars of handmade soap or maybe custom chocolates. And the program, oh god, the program, I already have a rough layout, ceremony first, cocktail hour, speeches, first dance, dessert, dancing, exit, fireworks, sparklers...oh! Sparkler exit for photos. It’ll be amazing, I promise.”

Shane finally stopped, eyes wide in excitement. Ilya’s eyes glimmered with happiness, and he finally spoke, voice soft, 

“Shane… this… this is fucking amazing. Everything you planned, it’s amazing.”

Shane blinked, a little stunned, then slowly a proud, goofy smile spread across his face. “Really?”

“Really,” Ilya said, squeezing his hand. “I couldn’t love it more. It will be absolutely perfect, baby.." 

Ilya leaned down and kissed him peck then kissed the tip of Shane's nose too. "I love you..."

Shane bit his lip and smiled again "I love you too... but we still need to think about rings." 

"Yeah.." Ilya nodded. "Did you have some ideas for that too?"

"I don't know." Shane sighs "That's one thing that freaked me out so much I didn't even want to think about. Like all this is important, but rings that we'll wear for the rest of our lives scares the shit out of me..."

"Yeah. I was thinking maybe silver? Just like plain wedding bands?" 

"Yes, I was thinking same but I don't want to make it too plain.." Shane pouted. "Maybe we can engrave something on the inside?"

"Like what?"

"Maybe just the date. Or maybe the letters too, like S and I. "

"I like that.." Ilya smiled. "See, we got it figured out too so quickly. Team work baby!"

Shane chuckled "Yeah, now just we have to go and pick out the actual rings... god, this is stressing me out so much, I feel like I got so many gray hairs in last few months.."

"Hey, baby.." Ilya tilted Shane's head up to look at him "You didn't. You did absolutely incredible job and I'm so proud of you...and in only few months when you stand there and when you finally marry me, you will see how much it all paid off." 

Shane smiled and leaned up to peck him softly. "I can't wait for it. I love you so much." 

"I love you too."

____________

September 20th 

The day was finally there. It felt so unreal. It felt like Shane waited for this day ever since he was born. That he lived his whole life only for this day. It made him feel so happy and nervous at the same time.

Shane adjusted his tie and his watch, looking at himself in the mirror. The dark blue suit matching with black shirt, because white felt too boring, was definitely one of the best choices he made. It started feeling so real. He was getting married to Ilya. He, Shane Hollander, never thought he’d feel this way again, and yet here he was, trying not to tear up as he thought about the man who had completely stolen his heart.

The door creaked open, and his mom stepped in, looking beautiful in her dress, “Hey, you,” she said softly, closing the door behind her.

Shane looked up, smiling at her but she didn’t say anything else right away. She just walked over, placing her hand on his shoulder. “You look… incredible,” she whispered. "You look so handsome.."

"Thanks mom.." He said slowly. "You look amazing too... is dad...?"

"He's downstairs, helping Kai get ready, don't worry." She said and fixed his tie once again for him. Shane could see it, Shane could see the tears forming in her eyes already. 

"Mom.."

His mom reached over, squeezing his shoulder. “Shane… I’m so, so proud of you. Proud of the man you’ve become...Proud of the father you are to Kai. And proud that you’ve found someone who sees all of that and loves you for it. I know the world hasn’t always been easy for you, and I know the way I found out about… well… everything… wasn’t exactly ideal, but I’ve never judged you. I want you to know that, sweetie... Your happiness is all that’s ever mattered to me.”

Shane’s throat tightened and he blinked a few times, trying not to cry. “I… I just… I never thought I’d find this again. I thought…”

“You thought you’d never love, or be loved,” she finished for him, smiling. “But you have...and look at you now. You’re about to marry someone amazing, someone who loves you exactly as you are. Ilya… he’s incredible. But so are you, Shane. You’ve both earned this. You both deserve each other.”

Shane sighed and leaned in, hugging his mom "Thank you mom... God I knew I was gonna cry today but I didn't think it would start this early.." He let out a weak little chuckle and let few tears roll down his cheeks.

His mom rubbed his back, trying to force herself to be strong too, but she couldn't fight the tears either. "I know sweetie... I'm just so happy for you... so proud of you.. I love you so much..."

"I love you too, mom. Thank you so much."

On the other end of the hall, Ilya stood in front of the mirror, jacket in hand, his stomach buzzing in a mix of nerves and excitement. Ana was perched on the stool in front of him, brushing through his hair and trying to “make it perfect,” though he suspected she was more entertained than anything.

"Alright princess, don't mess it up too much, okay?"

"Am not, papa, I'm just trying to make it perfect!" She says and gave one last finishing brush "There we go!"

"Do I look good?" He smiled, showing off his outfit and look for her.

"You look great, papa! You look very happy." She said and hopped off her stool to stand next to him and look in the mirror too.

"That's because I am princess. I'm very happy today."

"Because of the wedding?"

"Yes.." he said and sat down on the stool to look at her "And because I have you here, helping me. I wouldn't have anyone else helping me get ready than you Ana." 

She giggled "You look like you're gonna cry."

He sighed and tried to blink the tears away. "Maybe I will princess. I just feel very happy and emotional right now... you know... I know that you're still very young but I also know how smart you are to understand the things I wanna tell you. I loved your mom, so so much Ana... I know you don't remember her but...she was so amazing. She loved you very, very much, we both did. And every single day you remind me of her and that's one piece of her that I will always carry in my heart but.. I was so sad for very, very long time. I didn't think that I would be happy like I was happy with her ever again, but then I met Shane. And Shane makes me feel so happy, princess, so alive again... I love him so much and... seeing how much you love him too only makes me even happier..."

"Yes, papa, I love Shane...and I love Kai... but I love you the most, right?"

He smiled and hugged her tightly. "Of course. And I love you too, the most in whole wide world, no matter what, you will always be my number one in life. Please don't think that now that I'm marrying Shane anything will change. You will forever be my baby."

"I know papa.." She said softly as she hugged him. "I know and I love you too. I just want papa to be happy."

______________

The backyard that was buzzing with people chatting just five minutes ago suddenly felt quiet. Like creepy quiet. Everyone held their breath as the doors of the house finally opened. That included Ilya too, he knew it was finally time.

Out came Ana and Kai first. Ana in her beautiful little pastel blue dress and Kai in a tiny suit that matched the color of Ana's dress, holding basket of flowers in their hands. The music started to play as they walked, throwing the rose petals down the way. Ilya could hear the "oohs" and "aws" from people in the crowd but his eyes were only focused on his two kids. His two kids, now. His heart swelled up with joy and he could already feel tears forming in his eyes. God he was such a wuss, the ceremony didn't even start and he felt like crying. Once they reached him, he kneeled down and gave them both a hug and a kiss, telling them how happy he is and how much he loves them.

But then it was finally time. Shane appeared at the door. 

Shane's head finally lifted up and scanned the crowd of people until his eyes finally met Ilya's and they both felt like they heart stopped for a second. Ilya’s chest tightened so hard he could barely breathe. He felt a single, uncontrollable tear slip down his cheek, and he swallowed hard, trying to steady himself, but he couldn’t. Shane was so… beautiful. He seriously took his breath away and Ilya couldn't believe that he was moments away from calling this man his husband. For life.

Shane walked down the isle slowly, waving to Kai and Ana who sat in the front row next to Shane's parents before he finally reached Ilya and stood in front of him. He reached out his hands and held Ilya's slowly, tracing a thumb over the backside of Ilya's hand. "Hi there."

"Hey." Ilya smiled, trying to push back more tears. "You look so beautiful..."

"You too..." Shane smiled and looked down a little, he just couldn't help himself from smiling widely like an idiot. A happy idiot.

The officiant, a close friend of Shane’s parents, stepped forward, clearing his throat. “Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to join Shane and Ilya in marriage. We are here to celebrate their love, their commitment, and the life they will build together. Love is patient, love is kind. It is a shelter, a home, and a promise. It is the foundation of trust and respect, and it is what brings us here today.”

Ilya took a shaky breath, feeling Shane’s hand brush his, and gripped it tightly. Shane’s thumb rubbed gentle circles against his skin, grounding him just enough so he didn’t completely dissolve into tears right there.

The officiant continued, “Marriage is more than a legal contract. It is a promise, a choice made daily to stand beside one another, to support, to comfort, and to grow together. Shane and Ilya have chosen to make that promise today, and we are here to witness it with joy in our hearts.”

If they were honest, Shane and Ilya didn't hear much of any of that. They were too lost staring into each others eyes, taking in the sight of each other.

The officiant continued. "Firstly, in presence of your loved ones, I now ask you to exchange your wovs. Ilya, would you like to start first?"

Ilya cleared his throat and nodded, reaching for his inner pocket and pulls out a little piece of paper.

"I apologize if I can't speak, because I'm a mess now.." He joked and he could hear the crowd laugh lightly. He took another deep breath before he started reading.

"Shane...ever since the day I met you, I knew this day would come sooner or later. I just felt so greedy and wanted it to come as quickly as possible and now that it did, I can't even begin to describe how happy I am..." Ilya said with shaky voice and took another deep breath. "Every single day I thank God because he sent you to me. When I was lost, when I thought there was no hope in love for me anymore, I met you and you changed it all for me. You brought back the kid out of me again, a little boy who fell in love for the first time, just with one single look in your eyes. I knew from the very begining that I will love you for a very long time... Shane, you are my home, you're my heart and you're my love. You're the person I want to grow old with. I didn't realize how much I couldn't live without you until I almost lost you..." Ilya sniffled. "I want to be with you forever and ever, love you in this life and in next life too. are the first person I want to see in every morning and the last person I want to hold at night. I promise to protect you, to honor you, to be your partner in every sense. I love you, Shane Hollander, with everything I am, and I choose you. Today. Tomorrow. Always.”

Once Ilya finally finished and glanced up at Shane, he could see that as much as Ilya was crying, Shane was too. Shane’s face was flushed, eyes shimmering as if they might overflow at any second, and his lips were slightly parted, trembling just a little. His hands gripped Ilya’s tightly, and he shut his eyes quickly, trying to stop the tears from continuing to flow as it was his time to read his wovs.

"Alright...wooh, I don't know if I can top that but I'll try..." Shane said and pulled out his piece of paper too. He took one shaky breath before he started.

"Ilya.. I fell in love with you way harder and faster than I expected when I didn't even think love was an option for me ever again. You had my whole heart ever since day one, ever since our first night together and everything after that was just proof that I made right choice. The way you were with Kai, the way you were with Ana, my parents, me, it was just a solid proof that you are the most incredible man I have ever met. I love everything about you, I love your laugh, I love the way your eyes light up when you smile, I love the way you hold me, how patient you are, how much you give without ever asking for anything in return. You make me a better man just by being you. I promise to always stand by you, to have your back, to make you laugh when life feels heavy, to hold you close when it all gets too much, and to never take for granted what we have. I promise to be your partner in every sense, to build our life together, and to love you as fiercely as you’ve loved me. And whenever you need me I will be there. Love you forever and a little more after that... навсегда твой, Shane."

Shane smiled and looked up at Ilya again, who was crying even much harder than before. He took a quick glance around the crowd too, seeing most of the people in tears as well, his mom catching his eye with a small napkin on her cheek, wiping the tears away and hugging Kai to her.

The officiant spoke again.

"Do you Shane Hollander, take Ilya Rozanov as your husband?"

Shane smiled widely. "I do."

"Do you Ilya Rozanov, take Shane Hollander as your husband?"

"I do." 

The officiant smiled broadly. “By the power vested in me, and in the presence of your family and friends, I now pronounce you husband and husband. You may kiss your spouse.”

Ilya’s heart slammed against his ribs as he stepped closer, cupping Shane’s face in his hands. Shane’s own hands went straight to Ilya’s waist, pulling him in without hesitation, and for a moment the world disappeared...the lake, the chairs, the flowers, even the kids creeping behind them all faded into nothing.

Their lips met softly at first, then it deepened, Shane leaning in, pressing closer, and Ilya could feel the warmth of him, feeling like he could feel Shane's heartbeat through his lips. The kiss was soft and quick and they could hear the crowd behind them cheer and clap, but mostly the kids. They were the loudest.

Ilya pulled back just slightly to look at Shane. Shane’s eyes were shining, his lips curved in the happiest, most relieved smile Ilya had ever seen.

“I love you,” Ilya whispered.

“I love you, too.” Shane breathed back.

____________

That night, once the party was finally over, the kids back at the cottage with Shane's parents and Shane and Ilya coming back to Ilya's house all alone, they finally let it all sink in. As the door clicked behind them and Shane kicked the shoes off his feet, he took a deep breath, feeling like it's the first proper one he took since that morning. They both took their jackets and ties off, both dropping down on the bed completely exhausted. They didn't speak for a while, just letting it all sink in.

"Can you believe..." Shane spoke first, reaching across the bed to hold Ilya's hand "We're finally married..."

Ilya smiled and held Shane's hand softly in his, pulling it up to kiss the back of his hand "Yeah... this was the best day of my life. It still kind of feels like a dream.."

"But it's not right?" Shane bit his lip and looked over at Ilya "It's not a dream? This is real, right?" 

Ilya rolled to the side so he hovered over Shane slightly. He dragged his hand up and caressed his fingers over Shane's cheek and jaw. "It's real baby. I promise you.."

"I love you so fucking much.." Shane said, closing his eyes under Ilya's touch. Ilya didn't say it back at first, but just leaned in, pressing a passionate kiss on Shane's lips. Shane’s lips moved with him, soft but needy and Ilya melted into it, letting out a breath he didn’t even realize he’d been holding. Shane slid his hand up Ilya's waist and rested them on Ilya's shoulders, fingertips slightly digging into the fabric.

Ilya pulled away just enough to whisper "Mine. Mine forever."

"Yours." Shane breathed back and pulled Ilya back for another kiss.

The night was long. Long and hot. They made love for hours, even after orgasms came one after another, they didn't stop. It was the bed first, then in shower, then back in bed again, over and over again, desperate, needy, loving, promising. It was all they could imagine their first night as husbands to look like. When morning came they were so exhausted but... they didn't care. They were just so happy. They did fall asleep though.

But by the time they woke up, they didn't want to pull away from each other. They smiled and kissed and hugged promising many more days and nights like this.

Because now it was clear. This was their life now. Now it was time for many more restless nights and warm mornings.

For their whole life, until death do them apart.

Chapter End Notes

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