Preface
Dude, You're a Boyfriend
Posted originally on the Archive of Our Own at https://archiveofourown.org/works/85080836.
- Rating:
- Explicit
- Archive Warning:
- No Archive Warnings Apply
- Category:
- M/M
- Fandoms:
- Heated Rivalry (TV), Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid, Game Changers | Heated Rivalry - All Media Types
- Relationships:
- Shane Hollander/Ilya Rozanov, Connors/OC
- Characters:
- Ilya Rozanov, Shane Hollander, Montreal Voyageurs | Montreal Metros Team Ensemble (Game Changers), Boston Bears | Boston Raiders Team Ensemble (Game Changers), Connors (Heated Rivalry)
- Additional Tags:
- Texting, Texting Fic, combination of texting and long form, Accidental Relationship, Miscommunication, but in a fun way, No Angst, Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, Fluff, Team Dynamics, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, but because they're hockey bros, not directed at Shane or ilya, BAMF Shane Hollander, Shane Hollander Speaks Russian, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Post-Scene: Ilya Rozanov Makes Tuna Melts in Episode: s01e04 Rose, Ilya Rozanov is Obsessed With Shane Hollander, Long-Distance Relationship, Secret Relationship, secret to even shane, Montreal Voyageurs | Montreal Metros (Game Changers), Boston Bears | Boston Raiders (Game Changers), Shane Hollander's Boston Lily, Ilya Rozanov's Montreal Jane, Mixed Media, Sexting, Smut
- Language:
- English
- Series:
- Part 13 of Verdant's Heated Rivalry Fics
- Collections:
- Emeralds_Late_Night_Reads, Best Heated Rivalry WIPs🏒, Social Media Fics, Supportive Hockey Teammates (Boston and/or Montreal and/or Ottowa), Zulie's Best of Heated Rivalry, Fics LunaK does not want to lose track of, Subscriptions:Tracking
- Stats:
- Published: 2026-05-18 Completed: 2026-10-27 Words: 66,463 Chapters: 16/16
Dude, You're a Boyfriend
Summary
After tuna melts and their first night actually sleeping together, Ilya asks Shane for more. Shane agrees, not knowing that this was Ilya's way of asking him out.
Comination of written fic and texting fic.
The text scrolls!
Notes
Okay friends! I am about 12k into writing a Twitch AU, but needed a side project to keep the writers block away!
I have the first few chapters of this written, I just need to code it. Any suggestions of silly situations these two boys can get into are appreciated!
Enjoy! :)
MAKE SURE CREATOR SKIN IS ON AND SCROLL ON THE TEXTS
November 2016
These last eighteen hours was a new entry in Shane Hollander's top ten best hours of his life.
Shane and Ilya, in Ilya's very nice house, spent the afternoon together yesterday; tuna melts and hockey on the TV took up their evening with more sex to follow. That night, sleeping in the same bed together proved to be the best sleep either of them had achieved in awhile.
Their morning together consisted of lazy hands, non-urgent in the way of people who know they have plenty of time together. Morning shakes and chicken sausage, yellow sun filtered through the floor-to-ceiling windows, wrinkled clothes found their rightful places — Ilya's in the hamper and Shane's on his body.
"This was nice," Shane said as he pulled on his tennis shoes by the door.
"Nice, yes." Ilya leaned against the door, arms crossed. "We could…"
"Yes?"
"We could do more." Ilya shrugged and rubbed the side of his nose. "Do more like this."
More.
Shane wanted more.
"I would like that."
Ilya's face brightened, a smile stretched across his lips. "Yeah? More talking, more mornings."
"We could FaceTime more," Shane offered.
"Yes. Yes, I like this." Ilya leaned forward and kissed Shane.
Their kisses always held power, passion that they were always afraid to name. But this? This felt like—
—the new sun rising on the horizon.
—the first breath of air after sprinting on the treadmill.
—the goal scored three seconds before overtime.
This kiss felt like relief. Hope.
They pulled apart too soon.
"I have to go, Ilya," Shane whispered with his forehead still pressed against the other man's.
"I know, Shane." Ilya released the front of Shane's shirt and took a step away. "I will see you center ice."
"Two hours."
"Bye, Shane."
"Ilya."
Shane pulled away from Ilya's house, a smile on his face. He's secured in the knowlege that their casual situationship could last through more. Overnight sleepovers and early mornings couldn't dismantle what they had. Instead, he came away with a plan to talk more, see each other more.
He felt the relief in knowing that Ilya was here to stay.
-
Ilya pulled away from his entry room to clean up the evidence of Shane's breakfast. His ridiculous non-Russian smile refused to disappear. Shane said yes; yes to making their relationship more.
Ilya, for the first time in his life, had a boyfriend.
He sure as hell wasn't going to fumble this.
Jane
November 15 11:15 PM
PERSON A: ...?
Person B: Yes, yes. Good job on the win tonight you asshole.
PERSON A: thank you
PERSON A: wish you could come over again
Person B: I have to be up in five hours to leave for the airport.
Person B: Besides, you pushed us into OT. I don't even have energy to get hard tonight.
PERSON A: sounds like challenge 😉
Person B: Goodnight Lily.
PERSON A: goodnight jane
November 18 11:15 AM
Person B: Fuck. Can I call you?
PERSON A: of course
PERSON A: you okay?
November 28 10:23 AM
PERSON A: happy thanksgiving
Person B: Neither of us are American?
PERSON A: oh well
PERSON A: happy random day then
Person B: Thank you? I think?
PERSON A: facetime tonight?
Person B: Tonight or now?
PERSON A: now. pick up
December 5 9:09 PM
Person B: Did you bruise your fucking ribs then play tonight?
PERSON A: hello to you too
Person B: Answer me.
PERSON A: no shane i did not bruise my ribs then play
Person B: Okay then what the fuck did you do?
PERSON A: ... a rib may have fractured on monday
PERSON A: ... maybe two
Person B: Jesus fucking Christ Rozanov! Stay on the bench you fucking dick!
PERSON A: aw my jane is worried about me
Person B: You're going to kill yourself playing hurt like that Ilya. I'm serious.
PERSON A: yes yes i am fine is okay
Person B: Shut up and answer your phone.
December 5 11:43 PM
PERSON A: i still say you are worried about me
Person B: Go to sleep.
PERSON A: but shane my dick is wanting you
Person B: You are injured, Ilya. I'm not doing phone sex! Go to sleep.
Person B: Once you're healed I'll FaceTime you with the purple dildo, okay?
PERSON A: deal
December 25 7:33 AM
PERSON A: merry christmas моя Зайка
Person B: Thank you, Ilya. Your christmas isn't until January?
PERSON A: you know this?
Person B: Of course
PERSON A: call me?
Janurary 7 6:49 AM
Person B: Merry Christmas Ilya.
January 2017
Lily
Today 6:15 PM
PERSON A: All-Stars weekend.
Person B: yes Hollander
PERSON A: Did you get the lube and condoms?
Person B: lube yes
Person B: condoms no
PERSON A: That's fine. I can grab them beforehand.
Person B: why?
PERSON A: What do you mean why?
Person B: i am clean
Person B: so are you?
PERSON A: Obviously.
Person B: then no problem yes?
Person B: but if you really want i will grab
PERSON A: No you make a good point...
PERSON A: Okay, no condoms.
PERSON A: I will see you on FaceTime tonight?
Person B: me and my 9 inches
PERSON A: Fuck you.
Chapter End Notes
I hope you enjoyed for far!
Again, any suggestions for what you want to see is appreciated! You can do that here in the comments or on my Tumblr @verdant-words
Chapter 2: All-Stars Game
Chapter Summary
All-Stars day for out two idiots
Chapter Notes
small disclaimer here that I am NOT a smut writer, so please excuse the baby-deer-like stumbling here.
If you do not want to read smut, just skip the middle bewteen the different text threads.
Enjoy!
Editing note: I know the spacing is weird, but on group chats, the name is above their message. I think this is causing some confusion I am sorry
January - All Stars
"Holy shit," Shane panted as he flopped on the bed beside Ilya.
Thank goodness All-Stars wasn't an exhausting event; the games are short and no one wants to get hurt, so typically there's no hitting happening. That means, unlike in November with the overtime game, exhaustion was not an added barrier for Shane and Ilya.
"Yes, I am holy," Ilya said with a chuckle. He smacked a load smack onto his boyfriend's cheek before he settled into the bed.
Two months since they last saw each other in person. Ilya was going to use every minute they had tonight. Which for Ilya, meant fucking and sucking until both of them passed out. However-
"Okay, I need to shower."
-his boyfriend disliked staying sticky for too long.
Ilya groaned. "Солнышко, we shower after second round, yes?"
Shane rolled his eyes. "Presumptuous, aren't we?" Shane rolled his body over Ilya's so he straddled the Russian's hips. He pressed a lingering kiss to his lips. "How about we go shower, then we can have round two in there?"
Ilya's brain short-circuited. He does have a brain, right? He's sure he had one earlier. "Uh… yes?"
Shane raised an eyebrow. "Are you asking me if you want to have shower sex?"
Ilya sat up and grasped Shane's hips tightly. He kissed the expanse of skin that stretched from Shane's jaw to his shoulders. Between kisses, he said, "I do want shower sex. Then I want round three against the door. Then round four in this bed again."
"Wow, okay, you're definitely presumptuous and ambitious tonight."
Ilya thought he knew what those words meant, and from his understanding, both were accurate.
"I go get water warm for you, yes? You check your phone and join me. It has been blowing up."
Ilya kissed Shane's lips one last time before maneuvering him off his lap and onto the bed. Before he slipped into the en-suite, he saw Shane roll his eyes again as he picked his phone up.
Montreal Voyageurs Team Chat
January 26 9:15 PM
Drapeau
nice to see cap beat another allstar record
Comeau
yeah nice job Cap!
Andropov
crush Rozanov
Taylor
aren't you also russian??
Andropov
why does this matter?
Koch
Rozanov is above Russia in our shit list Rook
Miity
Isn't Russia super oppressive and shit?
Cormeau
are you saying Rozanov isnt?
Miity
No, but I think an entire country and government who surveillances their citizen and imprisons innocent people is worse than an asshole hockey player
Taylor
.... he has a point
Drapeau
no he doesnt rook
Koch
Rozanov is a fucking menace and piece of shit
Couillard
I second that
Comeau
hell yeah
Olsson
Why are we talking about R*zan*v and not about that BEAUTY of a fucking goal our Cap did?
Koch
true
Laine
for real! Fucking beauty
Taylor
i want to learn how to do that backhand thing he did??
Comeau
Dont we all
Coulliard
no one else has been able to do it yet
Shane: Sorry guys, I was busy.
Shane: Thank you for all the support. All-Stars is always fun.
Shane: Especially when I beat Rozanov in every category we were in.
J.J.
Hell yeah captaine!
Cormeau
wait is cap out drinking?
Drapeau
no didn't he say Lily would be there?
Laine
shit you're right
J.J.
Hollander did we interrupt your Lily time?
Taylor
Lily?
Shane: No one.
Pike
Boston Lily is in Tampa??
Cormeau
you cant say no one when we know about Lily
Koch
cap still in denial
J.J.
We all know about Lily
Taylor
Boston Lily?
Shane: ...She's in the shower right now.
Cormeau
hell yeah cap!
Drapeau
get it cap
Pike
good for you Shane
J.J.
Legend
Koch
fuck yeah
Andropov
wait captain is she staying in your hotel overnight?
Laine
!!
J.J.
Did you make it official?
Shane: No, we're just casual. You know this.
Pike
you tell us nothing man
Cormeau
absolutely nothing
Laine
tell us more
Shane: I feel like I'm going to regret telling you this much already.
Drapeau
is she a good lay at least?
J.J.
Is she blonde?
Pike
why is she in Tampa?
Comeau
whats her body count
Andropov
she feisty?
Pike
really Comeau?
Couillard
Give us something Cap
Laine
......
Koch
I think our captain is busy again
J.J.
Fucking legend
Hot water scalded Ilya's back as the shower tiles dug impressions into his knees. This was just where he wanted to be, on his knees for his beautifully talented boyfriend.
"Fuck, Ilya," Shane moaned above him.
Ilya might lose a clump of hair based off how hard Shane had his hands wrapped around his curls. He didn't mind; he would go bald if it made Shane happy.
"Ilya, Ilya, fuck I'm so close."
Yes, yes, give it to me baby.
Ilya took one of his hands — both were holding Shane's hips to keep himself upright — and wrapped it around Shane's body. He carefully prodded the sensitive rim of his asshole, still red and puffy from fucking in the hotel room twenty minutes ago.
"N- God," Shane cried out as he shot his load down Ilya's throat.
Ilya swallowed appreciatively everything Shane had, licking his dick clean before the shower water could rinse everything down the drain.
"Good boy," Ilya teased with a smack to Shane's thighs.
Shane chuckled and pulled Ilya up to his feet. "Fuck you, that was so good."
"Hm, yes. You are welcome."
Shane relaxed against Ilya's chest for approximately thirty seconds — wow, new record — before he pushed Ilya away.
"Okay, you get dried off. I'll be out in a few minutes."
"Or, I stay for little longer and we dry off together?"
Shane's face flared red. Well, redder than the steam already made it.
"Rozanov…"
"What? I am not allowed to look at Adonis body now?"
"I need to clean," Shane explained. At Ilya's blank expression, he sighed. "We just had sex with no condom, Ilya. I need to clean, so get the hell out."
Ah, this made sense to Ilya based on what he knew of Shane Hollander. He was inexperienced, a little body shy at times.
Ilya remembered the first time after the CMM shoot: Shane undressed, his clothes folded, his hands wondering his abdomen and chest as if he was unsure what to do with himself.
Of course Shane Hollander would want to wash his asshole privately.
"Okay," Ilya supplied simply. He kissed Shane's lips because fuck he couldn't help himself now that he was allowed. "I go remake the bed how you like it."
"Thank you," Shane muttered softly.
With a towel around his waist, Ilya strolled back into the hotel room. He checked the time on his phone to see several notifications.
Svetlana, the team chat, Twitter, Andrei — this one he deleted without reading.
But Marleau texted him thirty minutes ago and dammit, he'd forgotten.
Marly (not sad dog)
January 26 9:53 PM
Person B: Hey are we meeting for drinks?
January 26 10:23 PM
PERSON A: shit
Person B: ?
PERSON A: i am busy tonight
Person B: Really?
Person B: Aren't you with exclusive with Jane now?
Person B: What the hell are you doing in Tampa?
PERSON A: slow down marly
PERSON A: jane met me here in tampa
PERSON A: i would not cheat
Person B: Shit okay good
Person B: I was ready to beat your ass
PERSON A: good to know jane would have defender
PERSON A: now fuck off so I can fuck off
Person B: Crisse Roz
PERSON A: 😉🥵
Chapter End Notes
Hope you enjoyed!
If you want to see a specific scene happen, comment below and I might add it :)
You can find me on tumblr @verdant-words
Chapter 3: Feburary
Chapter Notes
Feburary had basically nothing in the timeline, so I had to add
Remember, it's name then message!
enjoy!!!
(Let's say Shane started learning Russian before Tuna Melt)
Could Shane realistically make his teammates life harder? No not like this, but for the sake of the story he can in this universe.
Feburary
Lily
Feburary 2 10:12 PM
PERSON A: Hey, can I ask for a favor?
Person B: i am not at home but let me find bathroom
PERSON A: No, Christ not that
PERSON A: I am 100% not in the mood.
Person B: what is wrong?
PERSON A: Okay, I'm going to send you a voice message. Can you translate it for me? I got some of it, but I don't know half these words.
Person B: okay?
PERSON A: Voice Memo: 37 seconds
Person B: where did you hear this?
PERSON A: During the game today.
PERSON A: What does it mean? I only understood about half of it.
Person B: oh boy....
Montreal Voyageurs Team Chat
Feburary 2 10:26 PM
PHONE OWNERFucking bag skates for everyone tomorrow. Do not be late to practice or everyone will stay late.
Voyageurs -cap
Feburary 2 10:26 PM
Olsson
Okay who the hell pissed in Hollander's jock?
Laine
gross man
Pike
no one better be fucking late the twins have a recital i need to get to after
Koch
I wish he would punish the person who pissed him off and not all of us
Olsson
Exactly. So who fucking did it?
J.J.
Not me
Drapeau
Don't look here
Taylor
not me.
Miitka
Not me.
Pike
obviously not me
Andropov
no
Roy
fuck no
Gagnon
I've been sick all week so not me?
Pike
oh yeah how you feeling Gag
Gagnon
Like someone tried to pull my lungs out through my mouth and scraped by throat with a fucking chainsaw, thanks for asking.
Cormeau
Fuck okay
and not me
Olsson
Hope you feel better Gag, but SOMEONE did something!
Taylor
can we just... ask him?
Roy
You want to die, rook?
J.J.
Non, wait. Taylor might be the only one who can ask and not throw up in practice
Taylor
...
Drapeau
good idea. ask him Taylor
Taylor
im in danger
Montreal Voyageurs Team Chat
Feburary 2 10:26 PM
PHONE OWNERFucking bag skates for everyone tomorrow. Do not be late to practice or everyone will stay late.
Taylor
Will be there Cap, but can I ask why? Did something happen?
PHONE OWNER I told everyone on this fucking team no slurs in our fucking building and yet I hear "damn fucking pussies acting like their Swedish dick is a faggot flag" on the ice.
PHONE OWNER So bag skates until we learn to properly respect the fucking rink.
Voyageurs -cap
Feburary 2 10:41 PM
Olsson
Okay who the fuck said that where Hollander could hear?
Miitka
Well, I'm Swedish so….
Pike
not me
J.J.
Non
Taylor
i would never...
Miitka
Oh, Taylor, nice grammar in team chat!
Taylor
thanks cap respects grammar so i thought it might help
J.J.
Good thinking kid
Drapeau
not me
Comeau
I know better than to say shit on the rink
Andropov
...
Olsson
Andry?
Miitka
What the fuck Andry?
Andropov
okay okay but I say this in Russian during game tonight!
I do not know how he heard but I say shit in Russian all the time
Koch
so Cap heard you talk shit in Russian and he magically knows???
the fuck??
Montreal Voyageurs Team Chat
Feburary 2 10:26 PM
PHONE OWNERFucking bag skates for everyone tomorrow. Do not be late to practice or everyone will stay late.
Taylor
Will be there Cap, but can I ask why? Did something happen?
PHONE OWNER I told everyone on this fucking team no slurs in our fucking building and yet I hear "damn fucking pussies acting like their Swedish dick is a faggot flag" on the ice.
PHONE OWNER So bag skates until we learn to properly respect the fucking rink.
PHONE OWNERDo I make myself fucking clear?
Cormeau
yes Cap
Drapeau
yes cap
J.J.
oui captaine
Taylor
Yes Cap
Olsson
Yes Cap (and you-know-who better watch his back)
Roy
yes cap
Andropov
yes captain....
you speak Russian now?
PHONE OWNERI have for awhile, bits and pieces. Almost finished with the Russian translation of The Hobbit.
Andropov
you never tell me? Bullshit
PHONE OWNERWell, it's private.
J.J.
private alert!! This means… LILY???
Wilson
Wait what does this have to do with Lily?
Taylor
wait Lily? i still don't know who she is
Laine
@Taylor Hollander's secret girlfriend he insists he's not dating
Cormeau
Cap?! did you learn a language for this girl?
PHONE OWNERShe speaks it, yes. Makes it easier to communicate if I can understand her.
PHONE OWNERIt's a totally normal thing to do.
Andropov
and she happened to teach you the word for pussy? 😏😏😏
PHONE OWNERDo you want to stay late Andropov?
J.J.
you say Lily is casual, ouis?
PHONE OWNERBecause it is. Very casual.
J.J.
Cap
Laine
cap
Pike
cap
Drapeau
cap
Roy
cap
Wilson
cap
Miitka
Cap...
Cormeau
Cap
Couillard
Cap (what did I miss?)
Taylor
@couillard (Andry said shit on ice in Russian, Cap apparently speaks Russian bc of Lily? now we're all in trouble)
Andropov
the hell rook
Собака, которая каждый день меняет свою преданность, в конце концов останется без того, кто её покормит.
PHONE OWNERПрекрати, мудак.
PHONE OWNERМы — команда. Один за всех, и все за одного.
J.J.
… oh cap, this thing with Lily is NOT casual
Comeau
Yeah sounds like you have a girlfriend
Drapeau
my wife wants her number for the WAG chat?
PHONE OWNERI do not have a girlfriend.
PHONE OWNERBag skates tomorrow morning.
Pike
and no one be late
Voyageurs -cap
Comeau
Okay Cap definately has a girlfriend idgaf what he says
Drapeau
can anyone get her number for the WAGs?
Pike
guys leave Hollander's business alone
Taylor
it sounds complicated? maybe too much language barrier?
Laine
what you think cap learned Russian just to ask her out after 9 years?
Taylor
NINE?
thats almost half my age
Wilson
when did you turn 19?
Taylor
the week before training started
Drapeau
holy shit Caps situationship is half our rook's age!
J.J.
his relationship*
he can't go this long and learn a language for her and it not be something
Roy
for real
Couillard
for real
Miitka
Seriously
Koch
yeah
Andropov
if I bring popsicles tomorrow will no one kill me?
Olsson
Maybe.
Andropov
okey
Raiders Stay #1
Feburary 6 11:26 AM
Conners
whats happening in montreal?
Marly
What do you mean?
Conners
so I went to juniors with one of the d men
and he's texting me
begging me to kidnap him
because Hollander is running them like crazy in practice
Simon
One text message Conners. Just text one goddamn
Hammersmith
whats got Hollander in a twist?
Conners
I dunno he won't tell me
PHONE OWNERi know
PHONE OWNERtheir russian guy say slurs on ice
Marly
How tf do you know that?
PHONE OWNERhe texted me asking to help translate
PHONE OWNERi would not repeat what he said here
Carmichael
damn good on Hollzy
Simon
Since when is he Hollzy??
Carmichael
since I know he's punishing racists
PHONE OWNERand homophobes
Marly
What?
PHONE OWNERi just said slurs. slurs were both racist and homophobic
Conners
ah the two for one special
Adams
Suddenly I want to drop some gloves at our next Montreal game.
Adams
Except for Hollzy.
Marly
That's a great idea Addy! Fuck yeah
PHONE OWNERi will buy shot for every punch
My Janya
Feburary 12 10:09 PM
Person B: Wait, why aren't you coming over right after the game?
PERSON A: i have to buy the guys shots
PERSON A: simon, marly, adams, and conners earned shots today
Person B: Hurry up and get over here Ilya
Person B: Wait, aren't those the guys that landed Andropov in the hospital?
PERSON A: i can neither confirm or deny
Person B: Ilya...
PERSON A: i did not tell them
PERSON A: one of your d men is friends with my d men
Person B: Jesus fucking Christ
Person B: Tell them to back off. One broken nose is enough.
PERSON A: i will try
Chapter End Notes
Next is Feburary part 2 because I wanted to get this chapter out, but I didnt want to rush the coding of the rest of it!
- in my head, someone on the Raiders has a gay sibling, so the team likes to show support
-i like to haunt the group chats, never texting just reading. So thats why there's only the same few texting 🤷♀️
should I write more smut scenes/sexts or keep fading-to-black them? I cant decide
Come talk to me on Tumblr Verdant_Words! I would love to hear from you!
Chapter 4: Feburary Pt. 2
Chapter Summary
The end of Feburary
Chapter Notes
Okay, the rest of Feburary is here!
Some people guessed right in the last chapter. Yes, people notice the connections between Jane and Shane.
I am updating the rating to explicit. There's sexting in this chapter, but next chapter will have smut in it.
Remember, the names are above the texts in group chats; I know the spacing is weird, I am sorry.
I hope you enjoy!
Feburary Pt. 2
My Janya
Feburary 14 8:38 AM
PERSON A: happy valentines day
Person B: Fuck off Rozanov
PERSON A: what? is heart day
Person B: I don't really celebrate
Person B: It's just a money grab holiday
PERSON A: well maybe we could celebrate
PERSON A: next time we see each other
Person B: You want to celebrate Valentine's day... in March?
Person B: With me?
PERSON A: yes
Feburary 14 8:59 AM
Person B: I will see you in March then, Rozanov
Secret Raiders 🤫
Feburary 16 5:24 PM
Connors
anyone notice that roz knows… a lot about hollzy?
PHONE OWNERAre we talking about this?
Connors
????
Marly
No, Carmi, we aren't.
PHONE OWNERMy bad
PHONE OWNERConnie, I have never heard Roz mention Hollzy in my life. Scouts honor, cross my heart, the man has never droned on about his rival after a couple beers
Marly
I said don't talk about it, not lie your ass off.
Connors
wait im confused
are they friends?
Simon
No
Marly
No
Adams
no
Hammersmith
no.
PHONE OWNERNo...?
Marly
Carmichael
PHONE OWNERJeez! Okay no, they aren't
Connors
im even more confused now
Simon
Aren't we all kid
Connie Connors
Feburary 16 5:41 PM
PERSON A: Okay Marly won't let me talk about it but I'll tell you privately
PERSON A: I believe Roz has some kind of friends with benefits thing happening with Hollzy
PERSON A: Or rivals with benefits
Person B: what
Person B: the
Person B: fuck
Person B: that makes so much sense!!!
PERSON A: Right?!?
Person B: wait isnt roz dating jane?
PERSON A: hmmm ummm
PERSON A: A Jane that happens to live in Montreal.
PERSON A: And went to All Stars according to Marly.
Person B: whoa
Person B: fuxking whoa
Person B: WhoA
Person B: are you saying what i think youre saying???
Person B: the names rhyme!!
PERSON A: YOU SEE IT?
PERSON A: Marly and Simon thinks I'm seeing things!
PERSON A: I've been alone in this realization for MONTHS
Person B: when did you piece this together?
PERSON A: The fwb? Late 2015
PERSON A: The fact that Shane and Jane are the same fucking person? December
Person B: ....my god
PERSON A: This stays between us or you'll find your skates filled with dead fish until you beg for a fucking transfer
Person B: woah okay obviously this doesn't leave this feed
Person B: i have so many questions tho
PERSON A: Can you come to my place in 20?
Person B: who's going to stop me? zues?
Feburary 19 2:11 PM
Person B: did roz go back to his hotel room?
PERSON A: Yup
PERSON A: I saw him texting Jane 👀
Person B: damn
Feburary 19 11:04 PM
Person B: hey can i room with you and hammer tonight?
PERSON A: Did Roz kick you out?
Person B: he said he needed the room tonight because jane was needy
Person B: which... is an image i didn't want
PERSON A: Fucking Christ
PERSON A: We're in Room 521
Person B: do you think hollzy...
PERSON A: Do yourself a service and bleach your mind.
Feburary 22 9:51 PM
PERSON A: I'm sitting behind Roz on the bus and I can see him just looking through Hollzy's cologne ads???
PERSON A: This man is DOWN bad
Person B: our boy a simp for his own boyfriend
PERSON A: Damn, I never really realized the boyfriend label before...
PERSON A: Good for him
Person B: maybe we should do a pride event as a team this year? maybe it'll make roz more comfortable with comeing out?
PERSON A: Please take the rest of the bus ride to read about Russia and gay people
Person B: okay?
Feburary 22 10:02 PM
Person B: fuck
Shane paused the treadmill, breath coming in controlled pants as he rubbed a white towel across his face. He preferred to run outside, but with the snow pilled up, his indoor gym will have to work.
Shane's phone buzzed on the bench and he picked it up.
"Hey, mom," he said a bit breathless.
"Good morning. I just have a quick question: did you approve the photos of that Klein photoshoot?"
Shane frowned. Has he ever approved of his photos? He always left that to his mom who acted as his manager. "No? What happened?"
"Great. I'll get in contact with their legal team, see what I can do-"
"Mom, what happened?" Shane was getting seriously worried now.
Did he remember that photoshoot? He remembered going and leaving, but the middle bits just held the same mindless routine of any other shoot: get changed, get styled, get sprayed with water, stand there freezing while some guy with a camera takes a thousand photos.
"Nothing happened, per se. The photos are just a bit more risqué than I would have approved of. I have your contract set up to where they have to get approval from one of us before releasing anything, so they're in breach already. I'll see what I can do to minimize the spread and…"
Yuna continued on, but Shane's phone buzzed against his ear and he pulled it away to check the text.
He wasn't the least bit surprised to see it was from Lily.
Lily
Feburary 25 8:28 AM
Person B: woah you do klein ad?
Person B: why didn't I get these photos 🥵
Person B: hollander these are sexiest photos and you did not send them to me
Person B: call me
Despite himself, Shane smiled at the messages. God, this thing with Ilya was…
Well, it made Shane happy at least.
Very happy.
"Mom," Shane interrupted the steady stream of management jargon, "let's take a step back here. Get ready to contact legal for breach of contract, but let me look at the photos first and decide what to do, okay?"
"Shane, really, do you want photos like this of yourself out there?"
"I don't know what they look like, so I don't know. But I will let you know before lunch, okay?"
Shane hurried off the phone with his mom so he could pull up his texts with Lily again.
With a smirk, he sat down on the bench. This was going to be fun.
Lily
PERSON A: I haven't seen them yet.
PERSON A: Are they good?
Person B: yes Hollander
Person B: call me
PERSON A: How good, Rozanov?
Person B: why did you decline my call???
Person B: shane
PERSON A: Sorry, I can't talk right now.
PERSON A: You seem wound up?
Person B: ohmygod
Person B: i can see the outline of your dick on my instagram
PERSON A: Oh?
PERSON A: Are you sitting there touching yourself to a picture of my ad?
Person B: yes fuck
PERSON A: Stop.
Person B: what?
PERSON A: Stop. Take your hand away.
Person B: ...done
PERSON A: Do you have lube?
Person B: of course
PERSON A: Grab that for me.
PERSON A: Are your pants off already?
Person B: fuck Hollander yes
PERSON A: Good
PERSON A: Lube your finger up, then circle around your rim
Person B: fuck
Person B: hmm shane
PERSON A: Shush
PERSON A: Stretch until you have two fingers in. Text me when you're done with that
Shane slid his own hand down the sinched waistband of his gym shorts and grabbed his own erection. It wasn't often Shane led the scene, but something about Shane's own ad photos getting Ilya hard sparked something in him.
Ilya called it "topping from the bottom."
Shane preferred thinking of it as taking the opportunity that arises.
Shane only stroked himself a few slow strokes before his phone buzzed.
Lily
Person B: okay
PERSON A: Good job. Now add a third.
Person B: Shane
PERSON A: Ilya.
PERSON A: Add a third and send me a voice recording while you do it.
Person B: okay
Person B: Voice Memo: 46 seconds
PERSON A: Good job Ilya.
PERSON A: Grab the base of your dick. You aren't allowed to cum yet.
Person B: fuck
Person B: please
PERSON A: No.
PERSON A: Put that plug in. That small one because I know you don't like the bigger ones.
Person B: thank you
Person B: god shit hollander
PERSON A: Stroke yourself, slowly. Pull up my ad and look at me on your phone, taking up your screen.
PERSON A: Look at my abs, the hands that get to jack you off.
Person B: shane please please
PERSON A: Wait.
PERSON A: Say my name when you cum.
PERSON A: Now.
Person B: Voice Memo: 4 seconds
Person B: holy shit
PERSON A: Hope you enjoyed my ad, Rozanov.
Person B: i have them all downloaded intp secret folder
PERSON A: Of course you did, perv.
PERSON A: I'll call you tonight?
Person B: yes, i have practice now
After a pleasant twenty minutes and Shane's workout forgotten, Shane wiped his hands off and pulled up the ad photos as he walked to his kitchen.
The photos weren't bad. Maybe a bit too suggestive, but as he looked at himself through the screen, Shane couldn't bring himself to feel self-conscious about the photos being out there.
He texted his mom to tell her not to order the pictures taken down. No, Shane wasn't thrilled that everyone online could see so much of his body, but the photos already gained traction on Twitter and Instagram. They could delete the source, but they wouldn't go away.
Anyways, Ilya seemed to enjoy them.
Meanwhile in Boston...
Secret Raiders 🤫
Feburary 25 9:58 AM
Connors
im running late to practice dont let roz notice
Simon
Roz is also late to practice
Marly
Get your ass here before he does
Connors
on my wyay!
Connie Connors
Feburary 25 9:59 AM
Person B: roz late???
Person B: ive seen that man drink until 3am and come to practice hours later looking refreshed
PERSON A: Shane Hollander's Calvin Klein ad dropped this morning
PERSON A: Coincidence? I think not
Person B: oh?
Person B: so captain is going to be in a good mood today no matter what
PERSON A: Coach can make you skate laps?
Person B: shit
PERSON A: He's our coach man. How do you keep forgetting this?
Person B: wait Hollzy's ad is hot af? Damm
PERSON A: Do not let Roz hear you say that.
PERSON A: Actually, go ahead. I'm curious
Person B: fuck you
Chapter End Notes
Next up, March! Pre-warning for some slight canon-compliant angst:
-Shane and Ilya meet up pre-game
-Ilya's dad dies mid game and gets a call afterwards
-Ilya flies to Russia
-Shane has feelingsAgain, any suggestions for what you want to see is appreciated! You can do that here in the comments or on my Tumblr @verdant-words
Chapter 5: March
Chapter Summary
March brings late-Valentine's Day sex and Grigory Rozanov's death.
Cue some spirals, jealousy, and someone else connecting dots
Chapter Notes
I am trying to follow a loose canon timeline. March is when Grigory dies and Ilya goes to Russia for the funeral. I am bringing in a All-Star convo in here too.
I am changing things; I am not well-versed in Russia government, but -- as a gay person -- I would be anxious to have any contact with my gay lover while in Russia. So, Ilya and Shane do not talk during this time.
I hope you enjoy! It's crazy this went from a 2/3 chapter short fic to 12k and counting words in my docs.
CW: some slight internalized homophobia from Ilya while he's jealous
I somehow fixed the spacing in one group chat, but the same fix didn't work on the others??? I hate coding
March
Lily
March 2 7:12 PM
PERSON A: Can we talk?
Person B: don't we always?
PERSON A: No, like a serious talk.
Person B: say what you want to say Hollander
PERSON A: I think I'm gay
PERSON A: Ilya?
Person B: sorry
Person B: laughing too much
Person B: you think you are gay?
PERSON A: Fuck you
Person B: what gave it away?
Person B: was it last week when you came with my name on your lips?
PERSON A: Shut up. I'm being serious.
PERSON A: You're not gay
Person B: not totally no
Person B: bisexual
PERSON A: Well, I think I'm totally gay
Person B: okay so you are gay. good for you. want rainbow cake?
PERSON A: Why do I even try to talk to you?
Person B: no don't go
Person B: i like talking to you
Person B: you never answered my question
PERSON A: Oh...
PERSON A: Remember the friend I made last December?
Person B: you mean the famous actress who asked you out? ross lumpy, right?
PERSON A: Her name is Rose and you know it.
PERSON A: Anyway, we were talking and she was telling me about her exes who all turned out to be gay.
Person B: sounds like she has a type
PERSON A: That's what I said! And I probably laughed a little too much because she asked if she had asked out another gay man in December.
PERSON A: We talked about it for a bit and I realized… I never see women like that.
Person B: like what?
PERSON A: Like how I see you.
Person B: how dare you be sweet to me when talking about Rosie Lumphrey
PERSON A: That's not even close Ilya!
Person B: i know :)
March 2 9:54 PM
Person B: does my sexuality bother you?
PERSON A: Excuse me?
PERSON A: Why would it?
Person B: i dont know
Person B: some people have problem with it
Person B: like bi people will cheat or have more needs
PERSON A: I don't think that at all.
PERSON A: I don't believe anyone's sexuality matters, not really. As long as two people are compatible together and want each other, what does a label matter?
Person B: hold on i look up this word
Person B: yes compatible
Person B: we are compatible
PERSON A: We are.
Person B: not you and rusty
PERSON A: You'll turn green soon if you don't stop Ilya.
Person B: what the fuck does this mean?
March 8 7:45 AM
Person B: is it insider talk if i ask you to punch connors on ice in 9days?
PERSON A: Definately frowned apon.
PERSON A: What's wrong?
Person B: ....
Person B: he keeps pulling up your klein ad
PERSON A: My God Ilya
Person B: i will murder him
Person B: but i am captain
Person B: you do it for me
PERSON A: Jealous of Connors now?
Person B: not jealous
Person B: he just needs to die now
PERSON A: Crisse
March 10 9:25 AM
Person B: good morning
PERSON A: ... Why do i have a package on my doorstep, Ilyusha?
Person B: hmm i like when you call me that
PERSON A: I know
PERSON A: Now answer me
Person B: god you are so boring
Person B: open it
PERSON A: .... Wow
Person B: think it will fit? 😉
PERSON A: Hmm, I don't know.
PERSON A: I'll go test it out.
Person B: with me on the phone, yes?
Person B: shanya????
Person B: with me, right shanya???
March 13 9:28 PM
PERSON A: Can you call me?
Person B: horny again hollander?
Person B: it has been one hour
PERSON A: Fuck you, nevermind
Person B: no no no i call i call
Montreal
"Fuck, Shane," Ilya panted against the crook of Shane's neck.
The pace Ilya set was brutal; Shane gasped with every thrust of Ilya's hips. With his eye closed, head hung back, mouth practically gaped open, Shane wished they could have this everyday.
In another universe, Shane and Ilya lived together, fucked every day, and they never slept without the other.
In this universe, Shane made do with getting fucked a few times a year. But Ilya was worth it.
Especially today.
"Ilya, fuck, I'm going to cum," Shane moaned. Ilya wasn't even touching his dick, but it stood at rapt attention, dripping pre-cum in a steady flow.
He could be embarrassed later. Right now, he wanted to fucking blow.
But Ilya simply said, "Not yet," and squeezed a callused hands around the base of his dick.
Fuck the fucking asshole motherfucker
"Please," Shane begged. He'd plead until his voice went hoarse if he had to.
"Hmm, I like your begging. Do it more."
Thump thump thump
The headboard hit against the wall in time with Ilya's thrusts.
"Fucking- Please, Ilya. Please let me cum I- ah!"
Ilya released his dick and Shane tipped over the edge. Cum coated his abs, some attached to Ilya's chest hair.
"Oh fuck," Ilya groaned and stilled inside Shane.
Oh fuck, indeed. Shane felt the telltale warmth of Ilya's cum in his ass, pleasant and sticky at the same time.
"Ilya," Shane managed.
"Shane," came the whispered reply.
Shane chuckled under the Russian man's body. Why did laying here, under the weight of Ilya's body, feel… right?
"Good Valentine's Day?" Shane teased softly.
Ilya pursed his lips before nodding. "Da, good. Best."
A different kind of warmth flooded Shane's chest. Different than the warmth dripping down his thighs, this felt more. Consequential. Important.
Shane shoved aside his thoughts and sought to enjoy a few more moments with Ilya before Ilya had to go back to his hotel before their game tonight.
Shane managed a full minutes before he pulled Ilya into the shower to clean off.
Lilyusha
March 17 2:47 PM
Person B: mm today was fun
Person B: cant wait for round 4 and 5 tonight 🥵
Person B: if I get hat trick, you wear plug to practice tomorrow
PERSON A: I am literally in there locker room. What the hell is wrong with you?
Person B: you are hard, yes?
Person B: you thinking about how i had you on your knees earlier?
Person B: the sounds you made was music
PERSON A: Fuck
PERSON A: I think my couch missed you.
Person B: okay round 4 on couch
Person B: round 5 in kitchen
PERSON A: Gross Ilya!
Person B: fine patio then
PERSON A: On second thought, I think my door will be locked tonight.
Person B: finnnne Hollander round 5 will be also on couch with you on top and chocolate on your abs 🤤
PERSON A: In your dreams
Person B: yes exactly
PERSON A: Maybe if you win.
PERSON A: You're never getting a hat trick though.
Person B: i don't know
Person B: i think opposing captain might have hard on all game
Person B: hard to play when blood is only in dick
PERSON A: Fuck off Rozanov.
PERSON A: 1919 is the door code
Shane set his phone down in his locker. He was hard which happened to be a problem. Fuck Rozanov and his mind fucks.
God, his fucks-
Nope. Do not think of that man fucking. Or shirtless. Or the way he folded Shane in half mere hours ago.
Fuck.
Shane squeezed his eyes closed. He tried to picture anything— anything — else. Hockey pucks hitting Shane's leg. That time his mom walked in on Teenage Shane jerking it. The awkwardness of The Talk that directly followed.
Slowly, the pain in Shane's dick subsided. Getting hard in a cup did not feel good which Ilya fucking knew yet did it every. single. game. against each other.
Unfortunately, Ilya also knew Shane liked the pain a little more than he'd willfully admit.
Taking a deep breath, Shane grabbed his helmet out of his locker. "Okay, listen up!" He called out to the locker room.
The Voyageurs were going to crush the Bears tonight.
Boston won the game, 4-3.
Ilya fucking Rozanov won a motherfucking hat trick.
That cocky son of a bastard.
Shane showered and got dressed before he opened his phone. He tried to ignore the excitement that flowed through his body at the prospect of what Ilya had planned for tonight. The last thing he needed was a second hard on in front of his team today.
But Ilya mentioned a plug? And holy shit, if that didn't bring a wobble to Shane's knees.
That line of thought dissipated the second he pressed on Lily's notifications.
Lilyusha
March 17 6:09 PM
Person B: i am so sorry
Person B: i cannot come over tonight
Person B: going to Russia now
Person B: plane leaves in 40
PERSON A: Shit. Is it your dad?
Person B: yes. dead
PERSON A: I am so sorry Ilya.
Person B: we cannot text in Russia
Person B: they scan phones, survellence
PERSON A: Surveillance
Person B: yes shane
Person B: i will be back friday
PERSON A: You should take more time Ilya.
Person B: and have you catch up to me in scoring race?
Person B: i will be fine
PERSON A: Of course you will be. Fly safe and text me when you can.
Person B: yes
Person B: thank you shane
PERSON A: You don't need to thank me
Person B: i know
Person B: i will call when it is safe
PERSON A: Okay
Shane felt someone bump his arm, bringing his attention to the locker room instead of his phone screen.
Hayden stood beside him with his bag hoisted on his shoulder. "You staying here forever, Shane? You do have a house outside of the rink still, right?"
"Yeah, yeah…" Shane slid his phone into his back pocket and fumbled for his shoes. "Sorry, I just got distracted."
Hayden frowned. Shane loved his best friend, but Hayden wasn't known to be the most observant person. Still, the man wasn't blind.
"Hey, Shane, what's wrong?" Hayden sat on the bench beside him.
Shane pursed his lips. Yes, the team knew he texted a girl named Lily. But the more he mentioned her, the more the team assumed they were dating. "Ah, Lily's-" Shit, he can't say Lily's dad because he might make the connection to Ilya. "-had a death in the family. We were supposed to meet tonight, she's going home instead."
"Ah, I'm sorry man. Were they close?"
"I don't know," he lied. No, Ilya wasn't close to his father, but also, Ilya did care a shit ton despite pretending otherwise. The dichotomy of Russian men. "Look, Hayden. I know the team thinks we're dating and everything, but Lily and I are just casual. I don't know personal stuff like that about her. I doubt she would have even told me if it didn't interfere tonight."
Hayden laid a long, searching look on Shane before he nodded his head. "Alright. Alright, bud. Do you want to come over to my place tonight, since your plans fell through?"
Any other night, Shane's answer would have been a resounding yes. But, suddenly, the last thing Shane wanted was to be around anyone.
Except for a singular Russian man who just turned his phone on airplane mode.
"Nah, I'm really tired," Shane lied again. Fuck, he hated to lie to Hayden. "Maybe some time this week, okay? We can give Jackie a spa day and take all the kids to the science museum or zoo again."
"Hell yeah," Hayden said with a wide smile, none the wiser to Shane's lies. "Jackie's going to freak."
Shane never ended up going to the zoo with the Pike kids. He never went to the science museum either.
After a restless week filled with monotonous tasks, Shane had had enough.
Who knew a few days without texting Ilya, without his voice, could make him stir crazy?
Since when did Ilya's presence in Shane's life became a universal constant that rendered his entire life colorless without it?
That was something Shane should look closer at. Definitely.
Instead, he texted his coach early Friday morning.
Coach T
March 21 11:32 AM
PERSON A: I have a family emergency and will need to be away until Sunday, maybe Monday. I will let you know when I know specifics.
Coach just thumbs upped the message. God, Shane really fucking hated it when people just emoji-ed a response.
But none of that mattered as he passed boarder patrol, trees whipped by outside as the highway loomed in front of him. Just a few more hours and he'd be in Boston.
It felt like going home.
Voyageurs no Cap
March 21 2 :11 PM
Cormeau
Anyone know why coach just told me Hollander is out the whole weekend?
Drapeau
injured?
Taylor
he seemed fine yesterday
Laine
maybe it's just healthy scratch?
Miity
He did seem a little off this week. Hope the man's okay.
Cormeau
so evidently its family emergency
coach isn't too happy with the toronto game tomorrow
Pike
coach will be fine
I can't remember Shane ever taking time off in 7 years
he's entitled to a few days
Olsson
Wait, not once??
Andropov
has he ever been injured?
Pike
not enough to get benched
Drapeau
damn
Koch
okay it is too early why are you texting
Miity
Koch, practice starts in 20
Koch
yes and i live 10 away. i need beauty sleep
Cormeau
No Hollander this weekend, family emergency
Koch
ahh
so Andry can curse all he wants in game tomorrow?
Andropov
fuck you
Laine
you better get it out of his system now haha
Drapeau
Pike do you know why Hollander's out?
Pike
I haven't seen him outside practice all week
somethings going on with Lily i know
Taylor
Boston Lily again??
Olsson
Did they break up?
Pike
I don't think they're really together
but Lily had a death in the family
so maybe he's going to the funeral this weekend
Laine
shit
Cormeau
Well we can't fault him for going to a funeral
But you're wrong they're totally together
Olsson
You ain't going to a casual fuck buddys family funeral.
Laine
who taught you ain't???
Olsson
Your mom.
Taylor
maybe cap knows the family?
Drapeau
maybe but sometimes the easiest solution is the real one: they're dating
Koch
exactly
Miity
Okay, everyone get to practice. Koch, get out of bed
Koch
ghhfryghj
The number you have texted is unavailable. Please try agaan soon.
Miity
Nice try, but spell check next time. See you on the ice in 12.
The last time Shane played a game in Boston, Ilya had given him his own key to Ilya's house.
This is the key he used to enter the front door, grocery bags bunched on one arm as he opened the heavy frame.
Ilya's plane hadn't landed yet. Actually, Shane wasn't sure if Ilya was even on the way back. There had only been radio silence since he left for Russia.
Shane busied himself around the house: starting laundry left behind, cleaning out perishables gone bad in the fridge, putting away the groceries he bought for Ilya, vacuuming and dusting, a very logical organization of the sex toys Ilya had.
No condoms still. Good. That meant Ilya wasn't sleeping with anyone else.
God, Shane needed to not be fucking jealous. They aren't dating. Ilya can fuck whoever he wanted to fuck. As long as it was with a condom because Shane and Ilya haven't used one since November.
Maybe a conversation about being exclusive needed to happen. But what if Ilya didn't want to give up women just for him?
Shane knew they only see each other a few times a year. Surely phone sex wasn't enough for Ilya?
It was enough for Shane.
He didn't want to think about that either.
Shane set the fluffed couch pillows back in place when his phone buzzed.
Lilyusha
March 21 6:12 PM
Person B: landed at Logan
Person B: i will call once i am home
Person B: give me 40 min
PERSON A: Take your time.
PERSON A: I'm glad you're safe Ilya
Shane waited about twenty minutes before he put a pot of water on the stove. Was it presumptuous to assume Ilya would want him here? His father just died and here Shane was, parading around Ilya's very own Palace of Solitude complete with high hedges and coded gate.
Fuck, Shane shouldn't have come. He should just have been happy with a simple phone call, maybe a FaceTime request if he was fucking lucky. But this?
God, he really was acting like a fucking boyfriend.
Maybe he should cut this off. Shane should tell Ilya their thing together was over and they should go back to their own lives. Shane should tell him that it had been fun and amazing, but he was becoming too attached, too reliant, too comfortable.
But the thought of doing so stabbed a sharp pain through his heart.
It was too late to leave now, not with the laundry tumbling in the dryer and the full fridge of groceries and the goddamn food half cooked on the stove. Ilya would instantly know someone had been inside his very private house.
Shane managed to get his panic mildly under control by the time the bolognese sauce came off the burner and the front door clicked open.
"What the fuck?" A distinctly Russian voice muttered from the entry. "Shane?"
Shane felt tiny butterflies flutter around his stomach and a ridiculous thought in his mind: he knew it was me.
"In the kitchen," he called out as he wiped his hands on a towel.
Ilya appeared in the entry of the kitchen, a dufflebag in his hand and a shocked expression. His hair is messy from the long travel day, the bags under his eyes more pronounced than the last time Shane saw him.
He looked as handsome as Shane ever remembered.
"You… are here? This is not dream?"
Shane swallowed hard. Fuck, this might be bad, Shane thought. "I knew you were coming back at the end of the week. I- Well, I wanted to make sure you weren't alone when you got back and I was pretty restless in Montreal. I didn't know if you were… okay or not."
By the end of his explaination, Shane's voice became small, insecure. Fuck, he might have fucked this up; everything that they were and weren't, blown up because Shane was too clingy and had to invade Ilya's privacy.
Ilya, on his side of the kitchen, looked around cautiously. From the kitchen, you could see the majority of the main areas: the living room, dining room, and patio through the windows. He seemed to take in the differences in the room.
"You cleaned?"
"Yes," Shane whispered.
"You missed game?"
Shane breathed, "Yes."
There's a pregnant pause between the two men, the silence stretched taut.
"Ilya, I'm sorry-"
Before he could finish his sentence, Shane felt warm, callused hands frame his face. "No, shush. Shanya, I-" Ilya's voice cracked.
Shane blinked up at him to see Ilya's eyes glassy with tears.
"Thank you. Thank you, yes." Ilya pressed a firm kiss against Shane's lips before he pressed their foreheads together. "I did not want to be alone."
Ilya sat with Shane on the couch, side by side, to eat the spaghetti together. Ilya knew it was a testiment of Shane's relief that he didn't insist on sitting in the dining room with such a messy dish.
Fuck, he must have been really worried for Ilya.
"So? How was Russia?"
Ilya blanched a little. How was Russia? Shitty, awful. Made himself full of anxiety that someone could read the words "MAN FUCKER" on his forehead.
"Russia was Russia," he said noncommitally.
"Seeing your brother must have been nice after so long?"
Ilya scrunched his nose. "Ah, Andrei was… scared, I think. Fear makes you awful, sometimes. Him being awful makes me awful back."
"Moscow-"
"I do not want to talk about Russia," Ilya cut in quickly. He stabbed a piece of noodle to no avail. "It is terrible place most times. Sometimes beautiful. I- English is too hard."
Shane stayed quiet for a second, taking a small bite of pasta. "You can speak to me in Russian. I won't understand all of it, but it might help you to talk about it."
It wasn't a bad idea, not at all.
Shane and his good fucking brain.
So, Ilya started speaking in Russian, too fast for Shane to follow along. He told Shane about the phone call, the disgust he felt at feeling relief at the news of his father's death because at least Grigory wasn't in pain anymore. He talked through the funeral preparations, how everyone fucking asked Ilya for money.
His second cousin asked for a new dress for the funeral.
A distant aunt asked for money Grigory supposedly owed her. Ilya knew this wasn't true. He gave the money anyways.
Andrei demanded more for his rent. Ilya gave him his fucking apartment and told him to fuck off forever.
Svetlana, always the bright light in Moscow, held his hand through the burial, through tears and snot, through the stuffy formal dinners. Ilya loved her, just not in the way that he should.
"Я хочу только тебя." Ilya chocked out. He felt the tears slide down his face. "И всегда только тебя. Я так сильно тебя люблю и не знаю, что с этим делать."
Ilya stopped there. He felt lighter with everything off his chest. He wiped his eyes and gave Shane a tired smile. "Okay, I'm done."
"Feel better?"
"A little," Ilya admitted.
Shane placed his now-empty pasta bowl on the coffee table and leaned back into Ilya's side.
"I hope you don't mind that I came over."
"I already told you. I like that you are here."
"I didn't ruin any plans of yours, did I, Rozanov?"
Ilya shook his head. "I had no plans with team. They do not know that I am back."
"No, not with them," Shane said awkwardly.
Ilya frowned before realization dawned on him. "You think I had plans with other person?" Ilya sounded disgusted even to himself. What the hell? "You think I would do this?"
"Ilya, I know we don't see each other often. Yes, we FaceTime and text, but I'm not stupid to think you may have more needs."
"Do you do this?" Ilya turned to Shane and looked him in the eyes. "Sleep with other people?"
The images that filled Ilya's mind — Shane, on his knees in front of abear; Shane on his back, knees in the air, getting wounded by a random guy from a club; Shane, on all fours; Shane topping some twink in his Montreal bedroom — caused his stomach to attempt a revolution.
Is that what Shane wanted? Did he want to top, but can't with Ilya because Ilya couldn't handle the loss of control?
I'll bottom for you, Shane. I'll let you do anything you want to as long as you don't leave me.
"No," Shane said fast enough to halt Ilya's spiraling. The idea of doing so seemed so unappealing Shane himself that he had an expression of horror on his face. "You've always been enough for me."
"Da." Ilya nodded. Fuck, that didn't even come close to meaning anything. "You are enough for me, Hollander. I never want anything else."
"For… how long?"
Ilya sighed. God, his boyfriend may have a high hockey IQ, but, damn, he was relationship stupid. "I have not slept with another person since November. I thought you knew this when we stopped condoms."
Shane toyed his bottom lip with his teeth for a minute. "So we're exclusive?"
Ilya wrapped an arm around Shane's shoulders and pulled the man against him once more. "да, ты идиот," he sighed affectionately.
Hayden
March 23 8:02 PM
Person B: hey bud
Person B: can I get a sign of life from you so I know you're okay?
PERSON A: I'm good Hayds. Thanks for checking in
PERSON A:
Person B: wait wait wait
Person B: is that Lily?
PERSON A: :)
Secret Raiders 🤫
March 23 8:13 PM
Connors
when does roz get back?
Simon
He's already back?
Marly
What? How do you knwo this?
Simon
I passed his house the other day and saw his car on the street.
CarmichealNo way Cap is leaving his fancy cars in the STREET?
Connors
should we go check his house to make sure no one broke in?
Adams
That seems extreme?
Marly
No, Connie makes a good point
Connors
THANK YOU SOMEONE
Simon
Does Roz not drive a Range Rover?
Marly
No
CarmichealNo
Hammersmith
no
Simon
Well...
Maybe we should do a wellness check on his house
Connie Connors
March 23 8:28 PM
PERSON A: Guess who drives a Range Rrover?
PERSON A: [Image: an interview screenshot that contained a picture of Shane Hollander standing beside a dark gray Rangerover. The article snippet talks about how Shane Hollander drives the car for their safety in snowy climates and how safety is important.]
PERSON A: Guess who also is scratched for a "family emergency" until Monday?
Person B: fuCK
Person B: hollzy here??? now??
Person B: fuck we need to stop marly and si from going over there
PERSON A: Fuck
Secret Raiders 🤫
PHONE OWNERHey, guys lets take it down a notch
PHONE OWNERDoesn't Jane drive those cars?
Connors
yeah wasn't roz complaining about a boring safe car she drives?
Hammersmith
wait I remember that
Marly
Fuck, did we almost interrupt a Jane sexfest?
Simon
We should still go check, just in case
Marly
No, let me text him. If he still has his phone off from Russia, he won't answer and we'll do a house check in 2 hours
PHONE OWNERGood idea, A
Rozy
March 23 8:36 PM
PERSON A: Hey man! I hope you're okay. We noticed a Rangerover parked at your house. Is that Jane's car or should we go check on your place?
March 23 9:27 PM
Person B: hi yes is jane
Person B: do not check house
Person B: we are not decent 😉
PERSON A: Fucking beautician, I swear
PERSON A: Say hi to Jane for me
Person B: I told her, but I do not think she can speak right now 🥵🔥
PERSON A: Fucking Crisse
Secret Raiders 🤫
March 23 9:35 PM
Marly
DO NOT GO TO ROZ'S HOUSE
Simon
What did Roz say?
Marly
He insinuated that Jane's mouth was too full to speak ATM
Hammersmith
fucking hell
Connie Connors
March 23 9:38PM
Person B: 😖🤢
Person B: not in a homophobe way
Person B: just… i shove this man against the boards during games and roz is…
PERSON A: We know way too much
Person B: WAY too much
Person B: good for roz tho
PERSON A: You think Hollander would freak if I sent gatorade to Roz's house?
Person B: dude fucking do it
Raiders Stay #1
March 24 10:03 AM
PHONE OWNERokay which of you idiots send electrolytes to house?
Carmichael
Thought you might need hydration Cap
Marly
Carmie what did you do?
PHONE OWNERJane is red but she drinks the blue
PHONE OWNERmaybe we have enough electrolytes for round 4 before she leaves for canada
Simon
Glad to know you're yourself Rozzy
Marly
Poor Jane. Lay off her for a minute man
Connie Connors
March 23 9:38PM
Person B: 😖🤢god someone help
Meanwhile in Canada
Rewind a bit
Family Group Chat
March 21 12:05 PM
Mom
Shane? Are you okay?
Why are you scratched for "family emergency"???
This is bullshit and we all know it
Dad
We're just worried about you son
March 21 12:43 PM
Mom
Shane Hollander, you answer me right now.
Dad
Shane answer your mother
March 21 1:32 PM
PHONE OWNERSorry, guys! I was driving and couldn't look at my phone.
PHONE OWNERI'm okay.
Mom
Driving where?
Where are you?
PHONE OWNERCan you not trust that I'm a fully grown adult who can handle this on my own?
Dad
We trust you Shane
Your mother is just worried
Mom
Where are you?
PHONE OWNERI'll be back Sunday.
PHONE OWNERMaybe Monday?
PHONE OWNERI love you both
Mom
That wasn't an answer.
March 23 7:52 AM
Mom
Shane, open your front door.
I have a smoothie from that place you like
PHONE OWNERWhat are you doing in Montreal, Mom?
PHONE OWNERI'm not even home.
Mom
Still? Where are you?
PHONE OWNEROut. I told you Sunday or Monday, Mom. That doesn't mean Sunday morning at dawn.
Mom
Shane Johnathan Hollander
Dad
Hey kiddo, I hope you're okay
Mom
Dave!
PHONE OWNERThanks, Dad.
PHONE OWNERI'm okay, everything is okay
PHONE OWNERMom, can you move that Pelaton ad to next week? I don't think I can do it Monday afternoon after a drive.
Mom
Now I'm moving sponsors for reasons I don't even know?
PHONE OWNERPlease, Mom? Just trust me on this.
Mom
… Fine, but I want answers.
PHONE OWNEREventually, yes.
PHONE OWNERI love you both
Dad
Love you son
Hayds Hay
March 23 12:04 AM
PERSON A: Do you find it convenient
Person B: JJ it's midnight
PERSON A: that Hollander go on family emergnency
PERSON A: after Rozanov does?
Person B: what are you saying?
Person B: are you drunk?
PERSON A: Ouiii but answer my questuin
Person B: i think that coincidences happen in life
PERSON A: Hollamder and Rozanov are mirroring of each other, non?
Person B: do you need an Uber?
PERSON A: An uber with you inside? Oui oui
Person B: God
Person B: send me your location and ill grab my keys
PERSON A: ah mon ami
Chapter End Notes
I hope everyone enjoyed! Some notes:
- During the first convo, Ilya thought he was going to get broken up with. That's why he used Hollander
-I know Russia has spyware on their citizen's cells, BUT I am not a reliable source on Russian government/law
-Shane and Yuna's conversations may feel OOC, but every mother/child argues a bit; I feel like this is the worst their arguments get
-for the timeline that Shane was in Boston: they played the game on March 17 (Monday), Shane leaves for Boston on March 21 (Friday), March 24 is Monday and Shane leaves.I hope the long chapter makes up for the fact that I won't be able to upload for a week! I'm going out of town for work and I won't have wifi.
Drink some water, take a nap. I will see you guys in the comments :)
Chapter 6: April
Chapter Summary
Shane plans to come out, he gets injured on the ice, and the Peloton ad comes out.
Chapter Notes
Some notes at the start:
- Do I know how long it takes for an ad to get edited and put out? No. Is it barely four weeks? Probably not, but we doing it for the story. In this world, that editing team fucking rocks.
- Similarly, do Boston and Montreal play together this often? No. But in this world, why the fuck not?
- I fear I may have gotten carried away with Connors. He is now my best friend and I am giving him a story
-I refuse to give Montreal's captain a name. I can't spell it and the asshole doesn't deserve one. Fuck himI hope you enjoy! This is almost 6k words added to a story I expected to be 2k
Thank you to the (almost) 1000 who have subscribed! That's so crazy to me and I hope you -- specifically you-- enjoy <3
April
Rose
April 2 2:03 AM
PERSON A: I have to tell them.
Person B: Shane, put the gun down
PERSON A: I don't… have a gun??
Person B: It's an expression
Person B: Now, what are you telling your parents?
PERSON A: That's I'm gay?
PERSON A: And that I'm "seeing" someone
Person B: Thought we talked about the air quotes
Person B: You're seeing your mystery guy, end of discussion
PERSON A: Rose, it's not that simple
Person B: Okay, well, you like lists? Make me a list of why you MUST tell your parents
PERSON A: Okay
PERSON A: 1. They're asking questions about the family emergency I took. I can't lie, but I can't avoid them forever.
PERSON A: 2. My mom won't let it go and her pestering me is making me anxious
PERSON A: 3. I'm like 87% sure that Lily told me he loves me 2 weeks ago??
PERSON A: 4. I don't want the media to find something and my parents find out that way.
PERSON A: 5. If I go to them and come out, I control the narrative. I get to control the environment and the flow of conversation.
PERSON A: 6. I'm tired.
Person B: That's a pretty good list
Person B: Can you make one of why you think you aren't dating this man?
PERSON A: We're casual! I'm sure I mistranslated what he said.
Person B: What language does he speak?
PERSON A: Rose...
Person B: What?! You won't tell me anything!
PERSON A: Good night
Person B: Hey, seriously Shane.
Person B: That's a good list. I just want to make sure you're coming out to them because you want to, not because you're scared.
PERSON A: I am scared but also just tired of keeping the secret
PERSON A: It's been like… 8 years? 9?
Person B: Holy. Shit.
PERSON A: Shit. Forget that.
Person B: Never 😄
PERSON A: Fuck me
Person B: Neither of us want that
Shane groaned and set his phone down. He should be asleep. Morning practice in the morning was going to suck on no sleep, but all of Shane lights stayed on.
He reread the journal in his hands. It's a mixture of sloppy Cyrllic and translated phrases.
In Boston, Ilya spoke too fast for Shane to catch everything. Honestly, Shane didn't want to know everything that was said — it seemed private to Ilya and felt like an invasion of privacy to try to translate it — but a few phrases stood out to him.
YA khochuy tol'ko tebya.
I [something??] want you.
I vsegdya tol'ko tebya.
And [something] want you
YA [??] sil'no tebya lyublyu [missing] chto s etim delat'.
This line had less translated. He had the "I" and the "you". Shane bit his lip and circled lyublyu in red ink.
Love.
Shane must have heard wrong. There was no way in this fucking world that Ilya Rozanov, Russian Menace and #1 Ladies Man, declared his love for Shane.
Groaning, Shane tore the sheet out of its binding and crumbled it up. It landed on the floor beside the wastebasket.
Shane needed to get this out of his mind. He needed to fucking sleep.
He yanked irritably on the lamp chain and subjected his room into darkness.
Family Group Chat
April 4 2 :11 PM
PHONE OWNERWhen I get back from Boston, we should have dinner.
Mom
Oh, that would be nice! It's been awhile since we saw you.
I'll make a reservation at the vegan place you like.
PHONE OWNERActually, can we do my place? I'll cook
Mom
That's ridiculous Shane. We're not going to make you cook after a road trip.
PHONE OWNER I want to. I'll make salmon and stir fry
Mom
Okay. We'll be there.
David
April 4 2:28 PM
PERSON A: This is weird right?
Person B: This is Shane. He probably just doesn't want a loud restaurant after a game day.
PERSON A: You think he's going to talk to us about what happened last month?
Person B: Don't push him Yuna. Let him tell us on his own time.
Rose
April 6 10:48 PM
PERSON A: Okay I'm freaking out
Person B: Take a deep breath
PERSON A: I should cancel, right? Just tell my parents I can never talk to them again
Person B: That won't work
Person B: Remember your list. You're tired of hiding. You want to do it instead of the media. You have a hot boyfriend who 87% loves you.
PERSON A: Not my boyfriend
Person B: Girl 😑
April 7
Shane gasped for air as he slowly slid himself down, savoring the feel of Ilya underneath him.
"Wait, wait, fuck" he managed, his eyes closed. Fuck, it was tight.
"It hurt?" Ilya asked carefully. "We can switch-"
"No, no. I want to be on top just- ah, let me adjust."
They're on Ilya's couch, Shane straddled Ilya's hips and this angle is fucking heavenly despite the stretch. That stretch decreased though, and oh fuck.
"Fuck, Ilyusha. You're so deep," Shane moaned and moved his hips experimentally.
Ilya groaned and grabbed Shane's hips in a tight grasp. "Shane, oh god. You will ruin me."
"Too late for that, I think."
Ilya laughed, which turned into a breathy moan as Shane pulled himself up off Ilya's dick before sliding back down.
Shane set the pace, slow and efficient. He used his hand to stroke his own dick in time with his hips. It was slippery with pre-cum and lube. Messy.
Perfect.
"Shane, Shane, fucking dammit-"
Ilya moved a hand from Shane's hip to his hair. He pulled Shane forward and smashed their lips together.
Only a second later, Ilya's hips jerked upwards in a telltale sign and Shane felt the euphoric feeling of hot cum in his ass.
"Oh, fuck," Shane panted and he sped up his hand movements.
He breathed into Ilya's mouth, unable to keep kissing properly as he cums onto Ilya's chest and stomach.
Breathing heavily, Shane stopped moving his hips. Ilya looked a wreck beneath him, eyes glazed over in post-nut haze, cum splattered against his muscular body.
"Ilyusha," Shane whispered.
"Shanya," came Ilya's response. He looked at Shane's hand, hot cum cooling on his skin. "You are wasting. Come here."
Ilya pulled Shane's hand to his mouth and he wrapped his lips against the first digit, sucking loudly as he cleaned off the milky substance.
"Ilya, my god." Shane's dick, already spent, made a pitiful attempt to harden again. "Stop, you're killing me."
Ilya wiggled his eyebrows. "I do not think this is what you want. I think you want…" To make his point, Ilya swiped his tongue against the sticky palm of Shane's hand.
Shane jerked his arm back and pushed Ilya away. "That's gross, get off!"
Together, they laugh and arrange themselves comfortably on the couch — or as comfortable as two hockey players could be on a sectional. Dirty tissues littered the coffee table in front of them.
"You will come back after game?"
"Of course," Shane said. "After I crush you and take the lead in points."
Ilya leaned forward so he could raise an eyebrow at his boyfriend. "Oh, you have jokes now? Mr. Boring Canadian Man has jokes now."
Shane pushed him back into the couch. "Shut up or I'll make us get up to shower."
"No, Hollander, we have ten minutes to sit and cuddle. Very important post-sex."
Shane rolled his eyes but allowed Ilya to pull him against his very-warm-and-somehow-very-comfy chest. "Sure, Rozanov. Whatever you say."
By tomorrow, my parents will know that I'm gay.
By tomorrow, the only secret I'll have is Ilya.
I'll tell them I have someone, but it's complicated.
They'll know I left because my casual hook-up's father died and I lost my mind not talking to him for four days and crossed the border into America to greet him when he got home.
God, he was fucked.
"Hollander," coach barked out. "I want you on ice when Cormeau comes off. I need a goddamn goal and I need it now!"
"Yes, coach," Shane said obediently. Always the same with coach: no direction, just demands.
God, if the Voyageurs had a real fucking coach leading them, they would be even better than they already were.
Shane stood to get ready to jump onto the ice. He needed to get his head back on the game and not on the conversation he's trying to plan in his head.
But when he reached the face-off circle, he stared into the blue eyes of Rozanov. Shane couldn't help the smile the creeped onto his lips, mirrored by Ilya across from him.
Mom, dad?
The puck dropped.
I'm gay.
Their sticks clanged against each other.
And I think I'm in love.
Shane caught the puck and shoved it to Hayden.
Shane skated off; Rozanov instantly on a takeaway from a bad pass, careening down the ice towards his goal. Shane followed and slid his stick forward to steal the puck. He turned and crossed the first blue line.
Shane couldn't help but turn his head, to glance back at the blue eyes that shone so bright in his life, the eyes that made the conversation he had planned even worth it.
He didn't see Marleau coming.
Yuna Hollander
April 7 10:14 PM
PERSON A: hey, Yuna? Shane got hit on the ice pretty bad. he's fine, going to Boston General
PERSON A: I thought you might want to hear it from me before the news
Person B: Thank you Hayden.
Person B: David and I were watching the game.
PERSON A: Oh right
Person B: I am trying to get a plane, but everything is full
PERSON A: I'll keep you updated on how long. he might be out tomorrow and you wont need to come down, but the team leaves tomorrow morning
Person B: Thank you sweetie.
My Janya
April 7 10:58 PM
Person B: lillllly
Person B: lilly please
Person B: im sorry i cant come over. head hurt
Person B: Hey, this is Shane's teammate. I took his phone. He has a concussion and shouldn't be on his phone.
Person B: If you want to come visit, he's at Boston General in room 1243.
Marly
April 7 11:07 PM
Person B: Hey roz? Where are you man?
Person B: Roz?
Person B: Do you want to go to a club?
Connors
April 7 11:09 PM
Person B: hey man, if you need anything let me know
Person B: i just mean...
Person B: im here
Carmie
April 7 11:12 PM
Person B: Hey Cap? Are you going to do the sportsman captain visit to Hollzy?
Person B: I'll drive if you need me too
Secret Raiders 🤫
April 7 10:14 PM
Connors
has anyone heard from roz?
Marly
No. I barely saw him in the locker room after the game
Simon
He left pretty fast. Didn't look happy.
Hammersmith
fight with Jane?
Marly
Oh fuck, not again. Remember that time after the Olympics?
Carmichael
Nah, I don't think they're fighting
Roz won't answer my texts
Marly
Mine either
Connors
me too
Simon
Damn, Jane must have him busy after this win
Marly
April 7 11:42 PM
Person B: Hey Roz? Getting a little worried here since no one can reach you. Sign of life?
PERSON A: shut it marleau
Person B: Whoa full name? What did I do?
PERSON A: nothing
PERSON A: forget it
"Ilyaaaa," Shane said brightly. His un-slinged arm reached out to make grabby hands at Ilya.
The curtains of the hospital room kept most of the sunlight out, keeping the room in a soft haze. Good for Hollander's head, but enough light for others to see as well.
"Shanya," Ilya breathed out in relief.
Last night had been almost unbearable; not able to contact Shane or know what happened after the medical cart left the ice. His phone still had dozens of unanswered texts that he couldn't bring himself to respond to.
Except for Marleau, the persistent asshole.
"Hey. Heyyy," Shane whined from the cot.
Ilya stepped forward and grabbed Shane's hand before the hospital staff came to investigate why their high profile patient cried out like that.
"Shushh, shh, I am here."
"Bet-ter. Better having you here."
Ilya watched Shane relax into his bed, his eyes closed and shoulders fell. The bruising on his beautiful face left behind a mask-like shape around his eyes and nose.
So beautiful.
"I just came by to see if you were okay," Ilya said softly. "I am sure your parents are here."
"They aren't," Shane disagreed with an unrestrained shake of his head. "Couldn't get a plane. Team left early today."
Ilya frowned. He knew it was protocol, that the NHL had a system for these things, but it seemed wrong to leave Shane Hollander in a Boston hospital alone.
Well, he wasn't going to leave his boyfriend alone.
"I can stay," Ilya offered. "However long you want me."
"I want you." Shane's voice became more slurred, his head nodding off. "I always want you here."
Ilya didn't remove his hand from Shane's as he pulled a chair over to sit down. Actually, with the back of his hand resting on top of Shane's chest, he counted each breath he took: in, out, in, out
Shane was okay; broken collarbone and concussion, but okay. Alive.
"You scared me," Ilya admitted wetly to the silent room.
He caught the sight of Shane's phone on the side table. Had anyone contacted Shane's parents beyond the initial? Shane knew they weren't coming, but…
Without thinking, Ilya grabbed the phone and typed in his passcode. It barely took three seconds to find the family group chat he knew the Hollanders to have.
Family Group Chat
April 8 7:14 AM
PHONE OWNERHi this is not shane
PHONE OWNERI wanted to let you know shane is good. He is sleeping
Mom
Who is this?
PHONE OWNERI am Lily. I live in Boston
PHONE OWNERCame to see shane in hospital
Dad
Well, thank you Lily for the update. We hate not being there when he's injured
Mom
You're close to Shane?
PHONE OWNERYes
Mom
And you live in Boston?
PHONE OWNERYes
Mom
You have sufficient familiarity with my son to see him in the hospital this early in the morning, sit by his side, unlock his phone with his passcode, and know to text this group chat, yet we've never met or heard of you?
PHONE OWNERAh that is lot of english. Is still very early
PHONE OWNERBut I think we have met at a hotel several years ago
PHONE OWNERBy chance
Mom
What?
PHONE OWNERSorry if I upset you
PHONE OWNERJust wanted you to know shane was okay
Dad
You're all good. We appreciate the info
Will you update us again if anything changes?
PHONE OWNEROf course
PHONE OWNERI will have to keep phone away from stubborn man with concussion
Dad
He never did like following concussion protocol
PHONE OWNERNo
April 8 10:47 AM
PHONE OWNER[Image: Shane sat up in bed, a food tray in front of him. There's a jello cup in his hand, a spoon halfway to his mouth, and he's laughing at something]
PHONE OWNERI try to tell him jello is medicine
PHONE OWNERI do not think he believe me
"It is not medicine! It's sugar in a plastic cup."
"It is hospital food, Hollander," Ilya insisted with an eyeroll. "They do not give sick people bad food. They are stamp of health."
"Sure, Ilya," Shane said with an eye roll, but he took a bite of the red jello anyways.
"I wanted to ask you something," Shane started when he swallowed his bite. The heavy drugs were mostly out of his system. They'd switched him to regular pain killers at Shane's request a few hours ago. "I know it's like… Fuck, I'm just going to say it. I don't want you to go to Russia this summer."
Ilya lowered Shane's phone, poised to take another photo. "What?" Ilya asked dumbly.
"Don't go to Russia. Come to my cottage outside Ottawa. We… We could have a week, even two, together." Shane played with the frayed threads of the hospital sheet on top of him. "No games, no early planes, no schedules. Just us, alone. No one would know."
Ilya stared at his boyfriend in amazement. He knew of Shane's need for control, for hiding and protecting what they had together. But Shane Hollander relinquishing a full two weeks of his busy schedule just for them two to spend real time together?
This must be why Shane had insisted he got taken off heavy pain killers.
He wanted to show Ilya he meant it when he asked.
"I mean, the cabin is very private-"
"Yes," Ilya interrupted as soon as he found his voice. "Yes, of course I will go to your cottage."
Shane dazzled Ilya with a wide smile. Fuck, Ilya wanted to kiss him.
He leaned forward to do just that to find a firm hand on his chest.
Shane's cheeks were tinged red as he looked around nervously. "While patient confidentiality may cover you being in the hospital with me-"
"I am rival captain keeping competition safe, Hollander. I am sportsman."
"-I don't think the staff will keep quiet if they found us kissing," Shane finished pointedly.
Right on cue, a nurse walked in just as Ilya leaned back. "Just wanted to make sure Mr. Rozanov hasn't hurt our Mr. Hollander here."
"No, no. We are good." Ilya leaned back in his seat and crossed his arms behind his head. "Hollander here is very funny guy. Not as funny as when high, but oh well."
"Sure, Rozanov, whatever."
"What? Your mom liked the picture I sent of you and jello."
"You sent what to my mother?"
Shane tried to reach for the phone once again on the side table, but Ilya was faster in swiping it out of reach.
"No, no. Nurse, should Hollander be on his phone right now?"
The nurse, who had allowed the two men to themselves as she checked the medical equipment beside Shane, looked up amused. "No, he shouldn't."
Ilya pointed at her with a wide told-you-so smile on his face.
Shane huffed and crossed his arms. "Can't believe you texted my mom."
Days later...
Secret Raiders 🤫
April 12 5:04 PM
Simon
Who pissed off Roz?
Connors
i think im dead
was my funeral nice?
Carmichael
I was too busy at my own to attend yours
Connors
fuck
Hammersmith
How does he convince coach to make us bag skate?
Adams
fuck if I know
I think my feet are going to fall off
Marly
I think I pissed him off? He hasn't really spoken to me lately
I don't know what I did
Carmichael
Interesting
Marly
Why is that interesting?
Simon
Do you think Jane and Roz broke up?
Hammersmith
oh fuck us if they did
Adams
I won't survive another post-Olympics again
Connie Connors
April 12 5:40 PM
PERSON A: We're fucked until Hollzy's concussion is better
Person B: holy shit
Person B: oh yeah its all marlys fault
Translated from Russian:
Sveta
April 13 9:19 AM
Person B: Hey asshole.
PERSON A: What Sveta?
Person B: Don't Sveta me. You don't talk to me anymore?
PERSON A: I have been busy.
Person B: No, you have been moping.
Person B: I know you Ilyusha.
PERSON A: Okay, maybe a little.
Person B: Is this about a certain hockey player getting injured during your last game against Montreal?
PERSON A: What?
Person B: How is Jane doing?
PERSON A: … How long have you known?
Person B: For years. You are not subtle if you know how to read you.
PERSON A: Are you in Russia right now?
Person B: Would I be having this conversation over the phone if I was?
Person B: How is Shane doing?
PERSON A: I don't know.
PERSON A: He's on concussion protocol and cannot text me.
PERSON A: And no one knows to text me.
Person B: Oh, Ilyusha.
PERSON A: I just want to talk to him. Make sure he's okay.
Person B: He's fine, Ilyusha. Let him heal.
PERSON A: I know. Thank you Sveta.
Person B: Always, Ilyusha 😘
April part 2
Lilyusha
April 15 10:15 AM
PERSON A: Guess who can have screens again?
Person B: thank god
PERSON A: Miss me Ilyusha?
Person B: miss your mouth 😉
PERSON A: Phone sex already? I thought you'd give me an hour at least
Person B: shush you like it
PERSON A: I will not dignify that with a response.
Person B: this is response?
PERSON A: Fuck off. I'm still at my parent's house.
PERSON A: But they're gone for the next hour or so. Want to FaceTime or text?
Person B: is that even question? call me
April 15 7:00 PM
Person B: can't choose
Person B: chicken parm or ravioli?
PERSON A: Why are you asking me?
Person B: because i can't choose?
PERSON A: I don't know why this is on me
PERSON A: Chicken parm. At least it has protein
Person B: 👍
Rose
April 15 11:14 AM
Person B: Have you told your parents yet?
PERSON A: Not yet
Person B: Shane!
PERSON A: t's awkward with the concussion and I'm stuck in their house.
PERSON A: I had everything planned for my house, my space, my schedule.
PERSON A: Now it all feels fucked up.
Person B: I know you value the control, but maybe you should take the leap
Person B: I hate to see you hide yourself like this
PERSON A: I'll tell them
PERSON A: But not today
Person B: What does Lily say?
PERSON A: Lily doesn't know I was going to tell them
Person B: Shane
PERSON A: I wasn't going to tell them ABOUT Lily
PERSON A: Just about me
Person B: My God Shane
Person B: Tell Lily not because it kinda pertains to him. Tell Lily so he can support you
PERSON A: I don't think that's how casual hookups work?
Person B: ohmygod MEN
Hayden
April 14 6:23 PM
Person B: hey buddy! i hope you're feeling allright
April 15 11:18 PM
PERSON A: Much better, thank you
PERSON A: I just wish I could get this sling off already
Person B: i feel that man
Person B: remember when i broke my arm a few years ago? i hate those things
PERSON A: That's was right after the twins were born, right?
Person B: yup! at least it gave me time with them
PERSON A: True
J.J.
April 14 6:52 PM
Person B: Hey captaine! Hope you are feeling better
April 15 11:32 PM
PERSON A: I am, thank you.
PERSON A: Ottawa is very quiet. Nice for healing.
Person B: Lily up there with you, non?
PERSON A: Oh, no. Not yet at least
Person B: ????
PERSON A: She's coming up here after the Stanley Cup
Person B: That is how you mark time? No dates just Hockey?
PERSON A: Crisse. She's coming up here June 3rd. Is that better?
Person B: Oui
Hayds Hay
April 15 11:41 AM
PERSON A: [Screenshot containing texts between the sender and Shane Hollander]
PERSON A: "Lily" is coming to Ottawa to see Shane
Person B: JJ are you drunk again?
PERSON A: Non it's the middle of the day
Person B: well maybe you should be
Person B: Lily is not rozanov
PERSON A: You don't know that mon ami
Person B: Shane is not gay
PERSON A: Bitch please
PERSON A: Why else would he be so secretive about "Lily"
Person B: stop putting her name in quotes!
PERSON A: You think he would tell me if I told him I was bisexual?
Person B: ARE you bisexual?
PERSON A: Not that I know of
PERSON A: But Shane doesn't need to know that
Person B: I think that classifies as homophobic?
PERSON A: What? Is it bad to pretend to be gay to get another guy to come out?
Person B: YES
Person B: i think
Person B: I'm straight I'm not sure if I can speak for what offends gay people?
PERSON A: Who's the homophobic one now?
Person B: wtf no!
PERSON A: hmm
Lilyusha
April 16 11:32 AM
PERSON A: God, Ilya can you call me?
Person B: give me minute
Person B: you okay?
PERSON A: If I have to hear my mom try to tell me I should ask Rose out again, I might tear my hair out.
Person B: nooo is my hair 😔
Person B: i am at rink gym let me get outside
PERSON A: Okay
April 1 7:48 PM
Person B: fuck trainers are benching me for two games
Person B: unfair assholes
PERSON A: They won't bench you for no reason, Ilya.
PERSON A: What happened?
Person B: ... i bruised my ribs last week
PERSON A: Ilya!
Person B: shane!
Person B: just bruised. not broken
PERSON A: And you played games since then?
Person B: yes?
Person B: shanya?
April 17 10:13 AM
Person B: shannnnnnnnne
Person B: shane im borrrred
PERSON A: Stop complaining.
Person B: are you still mad?
PERSON A: That you played with hurt ribs? Yes!
PERSON A: You should have been benched from the start and you know it.
Person B: but being benched is so boring
PERSON A: Yes? I'm benched right now too.
Person B: ah yes how is parents house?
PERSON A: Well my mom keeps trying to ask about Lily
PERSON A: But my dad keeps stopping her.
PERSON A: It's like a game of chicken
Person B: sorry
PERSON A: Don't apologize.
PERSON A: You did the right thing. My mom would have been anxious the whole time if you didn't keep her updated
PERSON A: I kind of just wish she would pick either Rose or Lily to talk about. It's giving me whiplash.
Person B: ...okey
Rose
April 17 1:03 PM
Person B: Tell them Shane
PERSON A: I will block you
Person B: Sure whatever
Person B: You'll feel better once you tell them
Connie Connors
April 20 8:47 AM
Person B: holy shit carmie
Person B: fuck us
PERSON A: What happened??
Person B: Hollzy's new ad just dropped
Person B: I might not be straight after this???
Person B: what the fuck…
PERSON A: Dude, you okay?
PERSON A: Calvin Klein again?
Person B: peloton
PERSON A: What?
PERSON A: Oh fuck I see it on Twitter
Person B: I know!
Person B: i am not okay
Person B: am i gay now?
PERSON A: Do not tell me you jerked it to Captain's boyfriend
Person B: okay i won't tell you
PERSON A: Jesus Christ Connors
Person B: im not sure if I can come to practice today
Person B: i cant look Roz in the face
Person B: wiat fuck am i gay???
PERSON A: I think everyone is a little gay for that ad
Person B: …. did you get hard too?
PERSON A: Get your ass to practice.
Person B: thats not a no
My Janya
April 20 8:42 AM
PERSON A: Hollander this ad is…
PERSON A: fuck
Person B: Oh did Peloton drop today?
PERSON A: yes
PERSON A: you did not warn me
Person B: I didn't know it was today.
PERSON A: hmmm looks like you had fun
Person B: I did! It was different. I liked not just standing there with a stupid expression on my face. They actually wanted me to move.
PERSON A: yes move in those short shorts
PERSON A: shorts should be illegal
Person B: As if you don't like it, Ilyusha
PERSON A: oh I like it shanya
PERSON A: but now everyone will see your ass too
Person B: They weren't that short!
PERSON A: i disagree
PERSON A: facetime me
Person B: You have practice
PERSON A: so?
Person B: I will call you AFTER your practice.
Person B: Have that be motivation for you.
PERSON A: evil evil man
Voyageurs Team Chat
April 20 9 :20 AM
J.J.
Go Captaine!
[Link: Shane Hollander X Peloton]
Drapeau
that ad is why my wife has not moved from her phone for the past hour
Olsson
Same
PHONE OWNERIt was a fun ad to do.
PHONE OWNERIt was really fun working with them.
Hayden
oh my god that's why Jackie had me take the kids for the morning
Laine
ooo the betrayal
Andropov
how does lily like the ad Hollander?
PHONE OWNERОна сказала, что мои шорты слишком короткие
Andropov
Она ревнует, другие женщины могут видеть твою задницу
PHONE OWNERНет
PHONE OWNERShe was just teasing
Andropov
your russian is better
PHONE OWNERIt's just practice. I have podcasts that help teach me.
Wilson
Hollander is down bad boys
Taylor
podcasts??? I didn't even know podcasts did that
J.J.
What podcasts do you listen to?
Taylor
none
Cormeau
i like the reddit ones.
Pike
Jackie listens to ones about serial killers
Miity
I like the weird ones. Nightvale, Alice isn't Dead, stuff like that
Drapeau
You are so weird Miity
Miity
They're really popular! It's like a sci-fi book.
Olsson
Wait I want to look this up....
PHONE OWNERI just listen to Russian lessons and hockey podcasts.
J.J.
Of course you do Cap
Wilson
Wait, I just watched the ad. This is...
J.J.
Hot?
Cormeau
Don't make it weird
J.J.
Non non our captaine is hot!
He was voted sexiest man in NHL
Laine
That is true
Taylor
he was
Olsson
Miity what is this podcast?
Miity
Are you listening to it?
Olsson
Yes. Where is this? Why are there no dogs allowed in the dog park? That seems illogical.
Miity
Keep listening keep listening
Cormeau
You both are so weird
Lilyusha
April 20 10:54 AM
PERSON A: Have you ever had poutine?
April 20 11:34 AM
Person B: what is this?
PERSON A: Oh, how was practice?
PERSON A: It's a canadian dish with french fries, cheese, and gravy.
PERSON A: Mom made it last night
Person B: i will try this
April 20 2:13 PM
Person B: that was
Person B: delicious
Person B: you keep this from me?
PERSON A: I don't usually eat it, but it's a good treat.
April 23 12:04 PM
Person B: okay definately punch connors next game
PERSON A: That's months away?
Person B: do not matter. punch him so hard he forgets name
PERSON A: What did he do?
Person B: he keeps watching your peloton ad!
Person B: i think he has a crush on you 😡
PERSON A: I doubt that Ilya.
Person B: no? then why does he keep bringing you up and then blush? why the blush?
PERSON A: You're overreacting
Person B: Нет i am reacting perfect
Person B: he must die
PERSON A: Do you want to talk about Connors or about this new recipe I found?
Person B: ooo wait is it the vegan thing you were talking about?
Connie Connors
April 24 8:45 PM
PERSON A: Dude you NEED to stop bringing up Hollzy every practice
PERSON A: Do you not see Roz killing you with his eyes?
Person B: can't help it
Person B: im at practice and i think of hockey which makes me think of roz and hollzy as the top players which reminds me of hollzys peloton ad which reminds me that he's rozs boyfriend which gets me so fucking flustered that i just start word vomiting!
Person B: im not built for this carmie
PERSON A: Dude, find a girl (or guy?) to fuck and get this crush out of your system
Person B: you think roz and hollzy want a third?
PERSON A: Okay, first rule: NEVER bring that up to roz if you want to live
Person B: 😅
Person B: so how do I find a guy?
PERSON A: Are you asking me for gay dating tips?
PERSON A: Go ask Marly's sister
Person B: oo thats a good idea thanks
PERSON A: I was being sarcastic! Don't ask her!
Marie Marleau
April 24 9:23 PM
PERSON A: hey this is connors from marlys team
PERSON A: i have a gay question for you?
Person B: Qu'est-ce que c'est?
Person B: Va te faire foutre
PERSON A: i dont know what that means
PERSON A: look, if i hypothetically want to meet a guy… how do i do that?
Person B: Oh you poor baby gay
PERSON A: wait am i? Fuck
Person B: I'm even more confused
Person B: Do you want to hook up with a guy… For the first time?
PERSON A: yes
Person B: Shit okay
Person B: Umm I know a place downtown that's discreet
Person B: I can wingwoman you?
PERSON A: that would be awesome
Person B: Friday after the Boston game. I'll be at the game too, so we can meet up at the arena
PERSON A: hell yeah cya then!
Person B: Should I tell Cliff where we're going or keep silent all together?
PERSON A: oh i asked marly for your number so he knows i texted you
PERSON A: if it makes you comforrtable telling him where we are going? then thats fine
Person B: Okay?
My Janya
April 27 11:52 PM
PERSON A: shanene!!
PERSON A: wish you were in bostin with me rn
PERSON A: youd hate it but it woukkd be so fun
Person B: Are you drunk Ilya?
PERSON A: hmmm not drink enough to not fuck you
Person B: Ilyusha
Person B: Please be safe.
PERSON A: i am with team
PERSON A: at a club celebtatig win
Person B: Who's the DD tonight?
PERSON A: Carmie! he keeps handinhh me water?
Person B: Can you give him the phone?
PERSON A: oh you want to takl to him and not me??
PERSON A: maybe you want to talk to connors 😒
Person B: Illyusha
PERSON A: connors has a major ducking crush onnyjku
Person B: Jealousy isn't pretty on you Roz. Give Carmichael the phone.
PERSON A: Hey Jane, this is Carmichael. Don't worry, I'm the DD tonight
Person B: You're good. I was just going to tell you to replace Ilya's vodka with water. He won't notice at this point.
PERSON A: Wait really?
Person B: Yeah, but delete these messages so he doesn't realize in the morning and come after you.
PERSON A: Legit. Thank you
Person B: Get him home safe for me. Thank you
PERSON A: Of course
April 28 10:01 AM
PERSON A: gah
Person B: Good morning sleepy head
PERSON A: god I am not 20 anymore
Person B: You're almost 30.
PERSON A: shut up youre too loud my head is pounding
Person B: I didn't say shit?
PERSON A: wait why am i missing texts from last night?
PERSON A: you texted carmie?
Person B: Just to tell him to get you home safe.
PERSON A: …. suspicious
Person B: Go drink some Gatorade and take an Advil
PERSON A: i do this and we have phone sex later when room doesn't spin?
Person B: You really are always horny
PERSON A: for you? yes
Hayds Hay
April 28 10:20 AM
Person B: god my fucking head hurts
PERSON A: I told you not to drink tequila. You can't handle tequila
Person B: fuck off jj
Person B: fuck the kids want to go to the zoo. think shane will take them?
PERSON A: Shane isn't in town, oui?
Person B: fuck
Person B: wait, did you show me fan accounts of shane last night? or was that a weird dream?
PERSON A: You mean the Hollanov twitter?
Person B: hollanov?
PERSON A: People who think Hollander and Rozanov are together
Person B: ew fuck off jj
Person B: if our friend was gay, he'd have better taste than that man
PERSON A: I do not know, he's handsome
Person B: i think im going to throw up
Connie Connors
April 28 11:03 AM
Person B: holy fuck carmie
PERSON A: Wait did you…. last night?
Person B: yup
Person B: marie said its bisexual
Person B: when you like both
PERSON A: And this was news to you?
Person B: fuck off im new to this
Person B: but the guy last night? fucking hot af
PERSON A: I don't like to know your girl hookups and I don't want to know about your men hookups
Person B: booo you whore
"He's playing hurt," Yuna said as they watched game six of the eastern conference finals.
Shane watched Ilya on the screen, obviously favoring his left side as he pulled away from a check.
Well, obvious for Shane and Yuna.
David, however? "How do you know that?"
"Well, if I'm wrong? Shane?"
Shane pulled his eyes away from the screen to shrug his shoulders at his mother. "I don't know," he lied. Yes, Ilya still had trouble from the ribs he bruised a couple weeks ago. But despite Shane's protest, Ilya insisted on playing. "Maybe. His skating is off."
The buzzer blared on the TV and the mini Boston Raiders slunk back to their tunnel with their heads down as Washington celebrated. Shane's heart hurt for Ilya, knowing how it felt to finish your playoff run in your own barn.
"Okay, Boston lost. Can we eat now?"
"David!"
Shane's dad raised his hands defensively. "What we don't hate Rozanov anymore?"
"Well, we hate him less," Yuna allowed. "He visited Shane in the hospital last month."
Shane stood from the couch and stretched his back. "He's not a bad guy," he offered to both his parents. "The media likes to have their story, but he's different off camera. Like me."
"No one is like you, Shane," Yuna scoffed and squeezed Shane's good arm. "Now, let's eat before your father starves to death."
Lilyusha
April 30 11:09 PM
PERSON A: You did good in your game tonight
Person B: we got knocked out of playoffs
PERSON A: Yes, but you were still great out on the ice.
PERSON A: Your goal in the second period was a fucking beauty
Person B: all my goals were for you shanya
PERSON A: You're such a flirt.
Person B: what are you doing?
PERSON A: Just laying in my childhood bedroom. Can't wait until I can go back to my own place.
Person B: head still bad?
PERSON A: No, but it's two hours to Montreal or over an hour up to my cottage.
PERSON A: Both are far away from my doctor here in Ottawa for my collarbone and my mom is worried about me being on my own that far away.
PERSON A: It's easier to stay here with her.
Person B: ahh i see
Person B: your mom is nice. intense
PERSON A: she's where I get it from.
Person B: i can see that
PERSON A: hmmm
PERSON A: Hard to keep my eyes open
Person B: go to sleep shanya
Person B: dream of hockey pucks and stanley cups
PERSON A: goodnight Lilyusha
Person B: goodnight janya
Chapter End Notes
More notes now that the story is read:
- Ilya's texts are only good when he's talking to Shane's family because he's using Shane's phone and Shane has autocaps and autocorrect on (also he was nervous texting Yuna)
- I mirrored Shane's coming-out anxiety after my own anxiety: if I can't control all variables around me, I'm not doing something scary.
- Connors went out to a different club than the Raiders, but they all went out at the same time (The Voyageurs also happened to go clubbing the same night in a different city fwi)
- Shane lied: Jealousy is VERY attractive on IlyaI hope you enjoyed! Next up is May: 6 month anniversary (for Ilya) and Hunter coming out
Chapter 7: Connor's Bi-nterlude
Chapter Summary
May bring
showersConnor's newly discovered sexuality and Ilya giving adviceThis is Connor's chapter
Chapter Notes
I am coding this while crying over Love, Simon (this movie and book always makes me cry because of how much I relate to it). I hope everyone is having a happy pride.
Notes before we get in:
- if you've read the series, you know Ilya acts as a LGBT God, guiding the fellow gays in their journeys. You will see that in this chapter :)
- I hope the Connor learning doesn't offend anyone. I am trying to walk that line between typical hockey boy and learning a new culture
- I regret naming him Connor Connors as I wrote this because it felt like I was writing RPF
(not to diss RPF if you like that, I personally don't)
- Any DRUNK texts written, I typed on my phone with my eyes closed so... hopefully they seem realisticI KNOW NO ONE CAME HERE FOR CONNOR CONNORS AND NO ONE ASKED FOR THIS SO IF YOU WANT TO SKIP I UNDERSTAND
next chapter will be all Hollanov fluffiness, I just need more time to edit and code
End of April through May
Connor's BI-nterlude
Blake
April 28 1:14 PM
You created a new contact: Blake
PERSON A: hey this is Connor from the last night
PERSON A: from wild orc
Person B: Oh hey
PERSON A: i had fun and if your free sometime i'd like to do it again?
Person B: Are you asking me if you'd like to do it again or telling me?
PERSON A: fuck sorry im so awkward about this
Person B: You're fine man. I'd like to meet up again too
Person B: but I'm not looking for anything serious right now
PERSON A: of course not. just two handsome guys looking for some fun
Person B: Full of yourself are we?
Person B: It's hot 😉
PERSON A: you're hot
Person B: Wanna meet tomorrow night? Same bar or my place again
PERSON A: i can't tomorrow night actually
Person B: No worries
Person B: The day after? The 30th
PERSON A: no i'm busy then too
Person B: Look if you don't want to meet up, that's fine
Person B: You didn't have to text me
PERSON A: no no it's just my work schedule is fucking crazy right now
PERSON A: i basically have work most of the day today, meetings and stuff tomorrow, big event on the 30th
PERSON A: and depending on how that goes i might fly to DC the next morning
Person B: Oh shit
Person B: Wait are you in politics or something?
PERSON A: no no no no
PERSON A: my mouth is too big for politics fuck that
PERSON A: but i keep pretty busy
Person B: Okay well… Why don't you tell me when you're free next and I can tell you if I'm available
PERSON A: sounds like a deal
April 30 7:24 PM
Person B: How'd your work thing go?
April 30 11:04 PM
PERSON A: not great
PERSON A: we're not going to DC
Person B: Oh
Person B: I'm sorry (i think? if not then good job?)
PERSON A: haha thanks
PERSON A: good and bad. i wanted to go but im also so tired
Person B: You know I still don't know what you do
PERSON A: i know
PERSON A: im suddenly free tonight
Person B: it's almost 10
PERSON A: i can be at your apartment in 40
PERSON A: too late?
Person B: No, but stop for condoms on the way over. I never replenished
PERSON A: is latex okay?
Person B: Good for me
PERSON A: 👍
May 1 8:24 AM
PERSON A: hey i didn't want to wake you but i had a good time last night
Person B: Yeah I had fun too
Person B: You sure you feel alright?
PERSON A: oh yeah it's fine
Person B: Connor your side is completely bruised
Person B: I don't know what work explanation can justify that
PERSON A: im fine trust me
PERSON A: i got evaled by medical
Person B: Just put some ice on it
May 6 2:31 PM
PERSON A: you free tonight?
Person B: not tonight I have finald
Person B: finals* fuck I'm losing my mind
PERSON A: ahh
PERSON A: i would offer help but i barely passed high school
Person B: I'm fine and we're just sleeping together, no need to offer help.
PERSON A: okay
May 9 11:54 AM
Person B: First of all: my finals are finally over. second: I owe you an apology for my last message.
PERSON A: oh its fine
Person B: No it was shitty of me. I shouldn't have bitten your head off for just being nice
PERSON A: well you are forgiven
Person B: Let me make it up to you? My place tonight?
PERSON A: ill be there:)
May 9 9:14 PM
PERSON A: here
May 14 11:42 PM
PERSON A: i have a stupid question
PERSON A: do you like to bottom?
Person B: I wouldn't do something I don't like
PERSON A: so you dont like to top?
Person B: I didn't say that. I like both
PERSON A: you can do that?
Person B: Do what?
PERSON A: like switch spots?
Person B: Connor? Am I the only guy you've fucked?
\
May 15 12:11 AM
Person B: Hey talk to me
PERSON A: i dont know what to say?
Person B: Good sex needs communication
Person B: Was I your first guy?
PERSON A: no
Person B: Okay. But you've only topped before?
PERSON A: yes
Person B: Do you want to bottom?
PERSON A: maybe? idk
PERSON A: you seem to enjoy it so much and im curious and i dont want to stop tou from topping if its something you want to do
Person B: You won't stop me from topping if I wanted to
Person B: We arent exclusive Connors. If I wanted to top I can find someone to top
PERSON A: right youre right
Person B: But if you want to try bottoming I can top you
PERSON A: im free tonight if you are
Person B: Slow your roll. Im going to send you some instructions and things to get at walmart
Person B: We can meet tomorrow if youre free
PERSON A: what list?
Person B: [Link to Notes App]
Connor stretched on the bed, body tacky with drying sweat. The lights shone dimly and faintly outlined the body beside him.
"So?" Blake asked. While the low lighting didn't allow Connor to see it, he imagined Blake's brown hair tousled, his cheeks pink and shiny, with that stupid half smile that Connor ached to see again as soon as Blake's door closes.
"So?" Connor repeated.
"I'm not going to ask you if you liked it like a teenage girl." Blake laughed softly and reclined back against the wall — where the headboard would be if he had one. "But bottoming? Would you do it again?"
Oh.
Connor knew his body. He knew how to maneuver into a check, how to turn his body to risk the least amount of damage as he hit the boards. He knew what the soreness in his muscles meant after a gym day, when the post-game aches warranted ice or a PT visit.
His career— his life — revolved around listening to his body and what it told him to do.
Right then, Connor felt amazing. There was a slight soreness in his ass, but not anything that sent warning bells to his brain. It was… Pleasant. Like a good stretch after maxing out his bench press: a little good pain.
Other than his body, Connor needed to listen to his mind.
A lot of hockey is mental. When to push yourself mentally when you think you didn't have anything left in you. When you're stuck on the ice and can't shift change and you think you might drop dead. Hockey forces its players to push past mental block after mental block.
His mind felt fuzzy, a good post-nut euphoria that made everything a little hazy around the edges.
The loss of control — or rather, the gentle release of control -- didn't freak him out. That was the part Connor had felt nervous about beforehand.
Blake had been patient; still firm and sharp edges, but he took the time to talk through the process, emphasizing the importance of foreplay and stretching and oh god the way his fingered pried Connor open.
He never wanted Blake to stop.
"I liked it," Connor said simply, keeping his mental rambling to himself. God, if his teammates thought he talked a lot, they'd go crazy over his mental monologue. "But I also like topping."
"That's fine. I'm a vers too."
"A verse?"
Blake gave him a strange look and Connor's stomach sank with the feeling that he's missed something he should know. "A vers. Like, someone who tops and bottoms. They're versatile, you know? Some people say switch, but I prefer vers."
"Oh, of course," Conner tried to keep up.
There's so much new terminology in these new experiences.
First, the gay bar Marie took him to. The bartender was cute, curvy with short hair dyed blue and a name tag that named her as Ash.
Well, not a her.
"You think she'd give me her number?" Connor asked Marie after they got their drinks and Ash walked away.
"Ash?" Marie laughed and took a drink of her vodka soda. "No, they don't date people from the bar."
"They?" Connor asked with a frown. "I was just asking about Ash."
Marie leveled him with a stare before muttering something about stupid-fucking-hockey-players. "Ash is enby. Non-binary," she explained slowly. "They use they/them pronouns."
Connor's eyes widened. Holy shit. He thought thats just things people did online or something. "You can do that? Wait, isn't Ash short for Ashley?"
Marie shook her head and walked towards a table with Connor calling after her to explain more.
The second time it happened, Connor was already in Blake's bedroom. It was the first night they hooked up, mere hours after Connor learned about non-binary people.
"Fuck," Blake groaned as he riffled through his nightstand. "You don't happen to have a condom on you? I'm out."
A condom? Thankfully, the room was dark enough that Blake couldn't see his frown of confusion.
Condoms were for safe-sex, yes, but what were the risks with gay sex? Connor couldn't get Blake pregnant. Even growing up in Tennesse, the limited sex-ed taught him that much.
Why would he need a condom to fuck a guy? A very hot guy that already had his pants off.
Connor's pants were also on the floor beside Blake's.
"No, I don't keep one on me," Connor said apologetically. Should he be apologizing?
Blake cursed again and shut the nightstand. "Well, I guess we'll have to change the agenda for tonight."
Connor almost asked what that meant before he felt a large hand wrap itself around his dick.
They spent a pleasant hour exchanging wandering hands and messy blowjobs before Connor left.
When he got home that night, still a pleasantly buzzed from the fruity cocktail at the bar, Connor searched why men used condoms for gay sex.
Herpes
HIV
Gonorrhea
HPV
Chlamydia
There's more lines in the articled Connor clicked, risks and safety tips swarmed inside his head as he shut his computer.
Obviously, Tennessee sex-ed left a lot to be desired.
Time and time again, Connor felt like he learned new terminology and phrases. He learned the best lube to use for anal sex (thank you Blake), he learned that a term for bisexuality existed (thank you Marie), he learned the difference between bear and cub and otter and twink (thank you random drunk guy at the bar who called Connor a cub, much to his bewilderment).
Connor still felt lost in this world; he felt constantly struggling to keep up with conversations with Marie and Blake.
"You're just a baby gay," Marie said on her third drink. Connor only had the one. "You're new and learning. It's a right of passage."
Connor hated it. He wanted to know already. He didn't like to guess, not in hockey games and not pertaining to his sexuality that he's learning about.
Blake took him out of his musing with a firm smack to his thigh. Connor liked how Blake seemed unafraid to be a bit physical and — honestly? — a little bitchy.
That random gay guy at the bar would call Blake an otter.
See, Connor was learning.
"You showering here or at your place?"
Connor sighed and slid off the bed. He always showered at his own place, preferring his own soaps and water pressure. This was just Blake's way of getting him out the door.
Blake
May 19 10:04 AM
Person B: Did I take your virginity or just your gay virginity?
Connor choked slightly and accidentally slammed the barbell back into place. Beside him, Ilya glanced over where he was doing weighted squats.
It may officially be offseason for the Boston Bears, but the teammates who stayed local worked out together a couple times a week. It kept the camaraderie between seasons.
Waving Roz off, Connor grabbed his cell phone and unlocked it.
Blake
May 19 10:04 AM
Person B: Did I take your virginity or just your gay virginity?
PERSON A: what?
Person B: Am I wrong?
PERSON A: Jesus a little warning
Person B: You told me I wasn't the first guy you fucked. Did you lie to me?
PERSON A: ive fucked women before. i wasnt a virgin
Person B: Ahh so I did take your gay virginity
PERSON A: im sure thats not a thing
PERSON A: right?
Person B: Fucking Christ
Person B: You should have told me
PERSON A: i didnt want to make it weird
Person B: You lied to me Connor. Blantantly
Person B: Not even that you should have told me before the first time so I could educate more, you shouldn't have lied to me.
PERSON A: no no the first time was great
PERSON A: i didn't want to feel… different?
Person B: But you've slept with other men since right?
PERSON A: yeah a couple
PERSON A: we aren't exclusive
Person B: Good for you
Connor groaned as he set his phone down and hung his head in his hands.
He didn't lie. He exchanged drunken hand jobs in the bar bathroom last week with a guy Connor couldn't remember the face of. A couple nights ago, he went to a different guy's house — Chad? Chase? — but only got as far as sloppy blowjobs before Connor made an excuse to leave.
The only person that had fucked Connor was Blake; the only man Connor had fucked was also Blake.
Blake with his dark hair and lean frame and enduring blunt bitchiness. His hands never hesitated to move Connor where he wanted him, to force his hand down against the mattress.
Fuck.
Connor fucked up.
Now alone in the gym, he picked his phone back up, ignored the new text from Blake, and pressed the team group chat.
Raiders Stay #1
May 19 2 :11 PM
PHONE OWNERneed to go out tonight
Adams
Can't I'm back in Michigan
Carmie
I'm down
Rozzy
club?
Ham-Smithy
Roz are you not with Jane rn?
Rozzy
ah no in june
i have facetime with jane tonight but i can call later. she will understand
PHONE OWNERi would say talk to jane instead but i really need to get drunk tonight and find a girl to take home
Ham-Smithy
Are we talking puck bunny find or deep post-sex find?
Carmie
Are you just asking him if he wants a slut or something meaningful?
Cause thats shitty
Rozzy
we respect women in this chat
Ham-Smithy
My bad, didn't mean anything by it.
PHONE OWNERhonestly i just need to forget
Rozzy
all team who are in Boston meet at normal club at 10
Carmie
Got it
Marls
Heard
Adams
Have fun assholes
PHONE OWNERi love you guys
"You are not dancing?"
Ilya Rozanov sat next to Connors at his booth. The strobing colorful lights flash against Ilya's white unbuttoned shirt, his curls tousled perfectly.
Ilya Rozanov and Shane Hollander must look perfect together, Connors thinks drunkenly.
Honestly, he should be dancing. He only asked the guys to the club because he wanted to find someone — no, a girl — to fuck tonight. To fuck someone other than Blake.
To forget about Blake.
Instead, he downed three shots in a row and banished himself to the booth to watch his teammates jackets, nursing a cocktail while everyone else danced.
Everyone except his captain, who sat himself across the table.
"No, ah, I'll get out there soon," Connors lied. "Just not vibing with this song."
Ilya raised an eyebrow. "Or the last ten?"
"Exactly."
Ilya hummed softly. His eyes seemed to pierce Connors as if Ilya could read the jumble in his head.
"What happened?" Ilya finally asked. "To ask everyone here. Something happened."
Connor hesitated. Only Carmichael knew he actively sought out men to sleep with, even as a recent development. It wasn't information he felt comfortable sharing with everyone. He's not deaf to the cocksuckers thrown on the ice. Faggot, fairy, sissy, pussy, and once, fruity poofer were all words he's heard on the ice his whole life.
But if his and Carmichael's Ilya Rozanov's Jane theory was correct, he's the person he could trust the most.
Maybe that was just the tequila talking.
Connor looked around quickly before he leaned in. "I was seeing someone these last couple weeks. Casual, but…" Connor groaned and shot back the rest of his cocktail with a grimace. "He said he's not looking for a relationship and I think I want one. It's fucking stupid."
If Connor's confession surprised his captain, Rozanov gave no indication. Instead, he nodded slowly and pulled Connor's empty glass away.
"You should go home. This," Ilya gestured to the dance floor and the drinks, "will not make you feel better."
Connor snorted once. "Really? Aren't you Mr. Ladies and Party Man? I remember my first year here, I've heard the stories from before that. You're telling me to go home?"
Rozanov shook his head. "I tried to do the same thing: push my problem aside, drink, and find women to fuck. It helped for the night, but next morning I felt worse." Roz clapped a hand on Connor's shoulder across the table. "Go home, sober up, talk to your guy. Or eat lots of ice cream."
Connor shoved Roz off. "I'm not some heartbroken chick who needs to eat ice cream and watch cheesy rom-coms," he said as he stood up from the booth.
But Roz was right. Even sitting in this club made him feel worse. He didn't want to fuck a woman and regret it the next morning.
He wanted to fuck Blake.
He wanted to be fucked by Blake.
"Connors," Roz called out. "I hope it works out with your guy. Do you need me to call taxi?"
Connors smiled thinly and shook his head. "I've got Uber downloaded. Thanks, Roz."
Connor stumbled out to the street, that last drink starting to affect his vision more than he'd estimated.
He needed to go home and not think about Blake.
That lasted all of five seconds.
Blake
Person B: Good for you
Person B: Experimenting is important
May 19 11:59 AM
Person B: Connor we need to talk
May 19 1:03 PM
Person B: Connor?
May 19 9:12 PM
Person B: Hey I just want to make sure you're okay
May 19 12:01 AM
PERSON A: im fone just fine
PERSON A: you donj have go worry aboug me
Person B: Are you drunk?
PERSON A: maybe but mahbe not not your businees
Person B: Where are you? At Wild Orc?
PERSON A: nope im waiting fir ny uber
PERSON A: i didnt wnat to be a lity case
PERSON A: pity
Person B: What?
PERSON A: lying
PERSON A: I didn't wnat you to
PERSON A: I dont know whatt
Person B: Okay I'm picking you up
Person B: Send me you location.
PERSON A: uber here
PERSON A: jave paid aleeady
Person B: Share your location with me
PERSON A: no then youl know where i live
Person B: You know where I live
PERSON A: yeah bit im famous
PERSON A: im on tv and i cant let people knkw where i live
Person B: Okay sure bud
Person B: Let me know when you're home at least
PERSON A: hmm your hott
Person B: Am I?
PERSON A: uh ha
PERSON A: soooooo hot and i wish you wherr here tonight
Person B: I think you need water
Person B: Mr. Famous Man
PERSON A: or i need you
Person B: Not while you're drunk you don't
PERSON A: we drank thr first time togethrr
Person B: We each had a drink and a half before we agreed to go back to my place. Neither of us were drunk
PERSON A: tomato tomato
PERSON A: ahh i am home
Person B: Good. Get some water and take your jeans off before going to sleep
PERSON A: you just eant me out of my pants
Person B: I do when you're sober
Person B: Go sober up for me and we'll talk in the morning
PERSON A: cockblock
Person B: Goodnight
May 20 9:16 AM
Person B: Your name is really Connor Connors?
PERSON A: wat?
Person B: I thought you were kidding when we first met, but I got curious and goggled you to see if you were really famous
Person B: Connor Connors, 6'1" and 198 pounds, defenseman for Boston Raider
Person B: That's why you had bruises on you!
Person B: Wouldn't the padding prevent that?
PERSON A: there's not much padding for us, just shoulder pads and a chest protector. our pants are padded a bit but you'll still regret taking a puck to the thigh
PERSON A: wait you googled me?
Person B: How's your hangover?
PERSON A: hurting
PERSON A: why'd you google me?
Person B: Why did you lie to me? I really was worried you were always bruised up
PERSON A: i didn't want to leverage my job
PERSON A: or a guy to go to the press about the first gay hockey player
Person B: Then why did you lie that I wasn't your first guy?
PERSON A: i dont fucking know
PERSON A: i didn't want to seem...
PERSON A: lesser
Person B: That's not what I would have thought
Person B: No more lying.
Person B: I'm serious. I'm not happy about the lies
PERSON A: yes
PERSON A: i'm sorry
PERSON A: ....
Person B: What?
PERSON A: i told you ive slept with other guys since you?
PERSON A: that's not strictly true
Person B: Connor!
PERSON A: unless handjobs and blowjobs count
PERSON A: i was always too drunk to trust going home with them
Person B: For your sake I'm not going to count that as a lie
Person B: But one more strike and you're out
Person B: That's a baseball term BTW
PERSON A: i know baseball terms
Person B: Okay Mr. Hockey
PERSON A: 🙄
PERSON A: does this mean we can meet up tomorrow?
Person B: Yes. Come over after dinner
PERSON A: cya then
Rozzy
May 20 11:08 AM
PERSON A: thank you for last night you were right
Person B: i always am
PERSON A: i might be seeing him tomorrow
Person B: to talk right?
PERSON A: .......
Person B: christ fucking talk to him
Person B: trust me i fucked up enough with jane to know you need to talk shit out
PERSON A: before or after we fuck
Person B: between fuck sessions
PERSON A: holy shit you do more than one?
Person B: what can i say
Person B: jane is insatiable
PERSON A: holy shit
Connor never did manage to find a way to bring up the topic to Blake. When he first stepped through his apartment door, Blake kissed his lips with full force, unafraid to hurt Connor.
Connor lost himself to the song of sex, of sweat and whines and breathless panting. The only conversation they had was Blake offering him the condom with question in his eyes.
Which?
Connor shook his head.
Not me.
Connor positioned himself on the bed as Blake rolled the condom on. This is what Connor needed, what he wanted.
He forgot about needing to talk to Blake until after he left.
Next time, he promised.
Maybe.
Chapter End Notes
I debated a lot about making Connor/Blake their own chapter for May then doing Hollanov's separate. Obviously, I chose to separate them. Opinions moving forward? This was probably the bulk of their story, but they still have a bit to go, yes?
I hope you enjoyed. The next chapter is written, I just need to code it (my work schedule has me working 9am-midnight most days right now, so I will try my hardest to get it done), but you can talk with me on Tumblr or Threads!
Chapter 8: May
Chapter Summary
Birthdays, anniversaries, Scott Hunter coming out. Remeber those days on the
fooball fieldhockey rink?
Chapter Notes
No one will probably understand the chapter summary, but I'm so excited about the reshoot, so oh well.
I hope everyone enjoys this chapter. May 15th was the FIRST thing I wrote for this fic and it snowballed from there.
(if you recognize a certain birthday text thread, no you don't :) )
Lilyusha
May 4 10:58 AM
PERSON A: I'm free!
Person B: no sling?
PERSON A: No, that motherfucker is still here
PERSON A: But I'm in my cottage now
Person B: is that safe? your parents house is an hour away?
PERSON A: They're staying at their own cottage ten minutes away.
PERSON A: Thank God because I was starting to get on edge
Person B: your mom?
PERSON A: NO. Well, kind of.
PERSON A: She means well, but she kept asking questions.
Person B: oh
PERSON A: Besides, now I don't have to feel like a teenage boy again
Person B: does that mean you can jerk off in your living room now?
PERSON A: Fuck off.
PERSON A: But yes.
May 5 12:28 PM
Person B: send me video
PERSON A: What?
Person B: you are alone now?
Person B: send me sexy video
PERSON A: No.
Person B: come on i miss your mouth
PERSON A: Fuck off.
Person B: i miss your freckles
PERSON A: Go look at my Pelaton ad again.
Person B: rude
PERSON A: We facetimed last night Ilya.
Person B: such a long time
PERSON A: ... I'll facetime you in ten minutes
May 7 2:25 PM
Person B: facetime again?
PERSON A: You are insatiable.
May 9 9:25 AM
PERSON A: What's your mile time?
Person B: 6:11
Person B: are you cleared?
PERSON A: I can do easy workouts now.
Person B: running fastest mile you can is not easy
Person B: call me i can give you good excersize
May 10 9:25 AM
Person B: happy birthday shanya
PERSON A: Thank you Ilyusha
Person B: hmm i like when you call me that
PERSON A: I know :)
PERSON A: I got your package.
PERSON A: You really didn't have to.
Person B: i know. i wanted to
Person B: you like?
PERSON A: I do! I'm setting it up now. I've heard kindles are really good for your eyes when you read at night
Person B: you can read on late night planes next season too. i know your teammates don't like the plane night light
PERSON A: Oo shit, that'll be great!
PERSON A: Thank you, Ilyusha
Person B: of course shanya
May 12 5:31 PM
PERSON A: [Image: bags of groceries piled on a kitchen counter containing various vegetables, herbs, fish, and a case of ginger ale]
PERSON A: What is this?
PERSON A: I did not buy groceries.
Person B: food. on friday we'll cook together
PERSON A: Together? You're in Boston.
Person B: yes i know shanya. facetime cook together
PERSON A: Oh
PERSON A: That sounds like fun.
PERSON A: I already had ginger ale and oregano
Person B: can you ever have too much oregano?
PERSON A: You have a point
Person B: yes
Person B: see you friday мое солнышко
Voyageurs Team Chat
May 15 1 :51 PM
J.J.
OKAY ROLL CALL FOR TONIGHT
who's in for club and shots????
Wilson
I''m in
Comeau
hells yeah
Drapeau
Stacy can stay with the baby, I'm fucking in!
Miitka
Sorry boys, I'm in Sweden
Olsson
Nooo us Sweds need to stick together
Miitka
I invited you back to Gothenburg with me?
Taylor
always down
Laine
fuck yeah! voyageurs going out tonight!
Hayden
i'm out
PERSON A: I have plans.
J.J.
Hollander what plans can you possibly have?
at least Pike's kids outnumber him and Jackie
PERSON A: I have a thing tonight. Sorry guys
Cormeau
what thing? We are your thing and there's no hockey tonight
Drapeau
^^^ he makes a point
Laine
you never go out
J.J.
Lily? She in town
PERSON A: No, she's not. But we're having dinner.
J.J.
???
Cormeau
Cap do you still have a concussion?
Taylor
how is she not in Montreal but you're having dinner with her… in Montreal?
PERSON A: Facetime?
PERSON A: Like, we're both cooking the same recipe on FaceTime then sitting and eating together? Virtually
PERSON A: Also, I'm in Ottawa until September
Olsson
So...
J.J.
.... like a couple?
Drapeau
very boyfriend of you
Laine
thats the most heartsickening disgustingly sweetest thing I've ever heard of
youre COOKING together over the phone???
Cormeau
what the fuck i would never do that
Hayden
@Comeau and you stay single
Cormeau
fuck you Pike
Taylor
Cap you're having a virtual date?
PERSON A: It's is not a date because we're not dating. It's casual, thats all.
Koch
cap i hate to tell you this but this is not casual
J.J.
Yeah if this is casual then I am whiter than your ass
Raiders Stay #1
May 15 4:58 PM
PERSON A: no one call me unless you are dead
PERSON A: even then call marleau
Marly
date night again?
Young
Got it Cap 🫡
Connors
at this point i always text marlie
PERSON A: yes connors that is idea good job
PERSON A: @marly six month anniversary, facetime dinner and facetime sex after 🥵
Marly
dinner?
Connors
excuse me
Simon
Virtual dinner?
Carmy
Roz you're having a virtual date with this chick and we dont even get to see her face?
Marly
when is Jane joining the WAGs? Caitlyn is on my dick about it
PERSON A: my jane is shy and private
PERSON A: @Carmichael i will tell coach bag skates on first day back for you
Carmy
The fuck???
PERSON A: respect my janya or throw up
Young
oooo cap down bad!
PERSON A: i do not know what this means?
PERSON A: if disrespectful bag skates for you too
Marly
nah he's good
PERSON A: ... fine
Young
thanks marly 😅
PERSON A: moy lyubov I call in 5?? Glasses on
Connors
wat
Simon
Wrong chat Roz
Young
wait I google translated that and it says my love
Rozzy calls her my love
Marly
Things we know about Jane: somehow real, freckles, and wears glasses
PERSON A: fuck
PERSON A: everyone quiet or 5am mornings the first week we're back
Young
🫡
Ilya groaned as he brought up the correct message thread on his phone. Give his teammates an inch and they take a whole goddamn racetrack, or however that expression goes.
He had everything planned perfectly for tonight. Ilya searched recipes that was well-balanced and protein heavy until he found one that both of them would like.
Fuck, he even ordered the ingredients for himself and Shane — thank the God he didn't believe in for delivery apps — so Shane wouldn't stress about going to the store and try to calculate the macros himself while in the isle.
Ilya had flowers on his dining table and a new shirt he spent too much money on.
Their six month anniversary was going to be perfect. Even if they were in different countries.
My Janya
May 15 5:22 PM
PERSON A: i call you in 5? glasses on ;)
Person B: Fuck you
Person B: Five minutes is perfect
Ilya set his phone on the tripod — the small one he took with him on the road; the angle it gives when put on the nightstand was perfect — that he'd already set up beside the sink. It should give a pretty good view of himself wherever he prepped and cooked in the kitchen.
Ilya checked over his ingredients again. He'd set everything up mise en place — albeit a lazy version of the method. Everything is lined up in order, knives out ready to mince and slice various items.
At four minutes, Ilya pressed the call button.
"That was four minutes, not five," came Shane's expected greeting from the speaker.
Smiling like an idiot, Ilya shrugged. "I missed you too much to wait."
The tiny Shane rolled his eyes. Oh, if there was any amount of money that could have made it possible for Ilya to be beside him right now, he would have paid it tenfold. Unfortunately, between Shane's Montreal meeting earlier this afternoon and a morning meeting for Ilya himself tomorrow, unless Ilya conveniently invented teleportation right now, he had to make due with Tiny Shane.
A tiny twinge of sadness hits Ilya as he caught a glance of Shane's dining table behind him, void of any flowers unlike Ilya's. He'd wanted to send flowers to his door, but 1. Ilya didn't know if Shane likes flowers and 2. if Shane did like flowers, which ones were his favorite?
Knowing Ilya's luck, he would have picked ones that Shane happened to be allergic to.
Wait. Was Shane allergic to anything?
Fuck, maybe he should really ask more questions about his boyfriend.
Tiny Shane cracked his knuckles on the camera, effectively bringing Ilya out of his mental spiral. "Okay, I'm following your lead here, right? What do we do first, chef?"
"Oh, fuck, Shane," Ilya moaned as he watched the phone screen on the tripod.
Shane had his purple dildo, slick with lube, all the way inside him. Shane's freckled face shone red with exertion and arousal as he slowly fucked his own ass.
"Ilya," Tiny Shane whined. He wiggled his hips slightly before gasping out. "Fuck, Ilya, I'm going to cum."
Ilya jerked his dick faster as he watched Shane unravel on his screen. "Fucking cum for me, Shanya. Show me how much you like my cock."
This turned out to be one of the best nights Shane had ever had. The recipe Ilya picked out was delicious and so perfectly on the edge of his diet plan that it counted while pushing the boundaries, the way Ilya always does with Shane.
Their casual situationship had started turning into a solid comfort to Shane, a lifeline he could grasp when he needed grounding.
Shane knew the whole team thought he had a girlfriend, which is not true and not just for the girl part. Ilya and he could never be together in an official capacity. The NHL and Russia and locker rooms and a whole country border and systematic homophobia stood between them.
But these last six months? They've been nice. Doing more, talking more, FaceTiming more.
Very nice.
Shane wished he will never have to live a life after this situationship ended. Could they live their entire lives like this?
No, one day Ilya will find a girl he liked and he'd drop Shane. Having Ilya was a privilege, Shane knew. He needed to bask in it while he could.
Shane turned off the lights and tucked himself in for a night of restless sleep. After a very hot and steamy FaceTime sex session, Shane usually would pass out, boneless and dead to the world.
Only tonight, his brain filled itself with endless circles, wishes of what could be and realities of what was.
Shane hastily wiped his wet eyes before the tears hit his pillow.
He wished he didn't hope for more.
Lilyusha
May 16 10:46 AM
Person B: what is favorite flower
PERSON A: I've never really thought of it before honestly.
Person B: really?
PERSON A: Hold on I'm looking up pictures.
Person B: are you doing research for flowers?
Person B: shane?
PERSON A: Dahlias
PERSON A: Or orchids
PERSON A: Do orchids count as flowers? They're like… a mini tree? The stem is different.
Person B: yes they are flowers. they are not trees but trees have flowers too
Person B: like cherry blossoms
PERSON A: Are cherry blossoms your favorite?
Person B: no
Person B: sunflowers
PERSON A: Those are pretty too :)
May 16 3:17 PM
Person B: favorite color?
PERSON A: I don't have one
Person B: you don't have one or you haven't thought about it?
PERSON A: Both?
PERSON A: Do you have one?
Person B: brown
Person B: like your freckles
PERSON A: Oh...
PERSON A: Why is that sweet?
Person B: because i am the sweetest hollander
PERSON A: I take it back.
May 16 11:52 PM
Person B: are you allergic?
PERSON A: To what?
Person B: anything
PERSON A: What is this about?
Person B: nothing
Person B: im curious
PERSON A: Why do I think that's bullshit?
Person B: has anyone told you you have trust issues?
PERSON A: Has anyone told you that you're a menace and your texting grammar is atrocious?
Person B: mm are you going to sexy talk me like this or are you going to call me?
May 17 1:13 AM
Person B: you never answered
PERSON A: No, Ilya. I don't have any allergies that I know of.
Person B: you do not know if you have allergies?
PERSON A: You can develop allergies at any time.
Person B: this cannot be true
Person B: oh my god google says this is true
PERSON A: No one listens to me.
Person B: this is new fear unlocked
May 20 12:03 AM
Person B: one of my teammates just came out to me?
PERSON A: Aren't you at a club?
Person B: yes but i am sitting at the booth
Person B: he said he's upset because a guy he's seeing wants casual but he doesnt
PERSON A: Oh dear
Person B: i know
Person B: poor baby gay
Person B: he'll learn
PERSON A: Eventually
May 22 12:35 PM
PERSON A: What's your favorite city to play in?
Person B: other than montreal? hmm new york probably. they fucking hate me there
Person B: why?
PERSON A: Was just curious
Person B: what? is yours dc? because of boring history there
PERSON A: You're an asshole
Person B: am i wrong?
Person B: your silence is loud
May 23 11:55 PM
Person B: can i call?
PERSON A: Of course.
May 24 2:23 AM
PERSON A: I hope I helped a bit.
Person B: you help a lot
Person B: thank you
PERSON A: Always.
May 26 10:09 PM
PERSON A: My mom thinks the Admirals are going to win.
Person B: no way Scott hunter is 100000 years old
PERSON A: He's not that old
PERSON A: At least you have a type.
Person B: yes boring people. life is hard
PERSON A: Fuck off asshole
Person B: hmmm sleep shanya
PERSON A: Goodnight Ilyusha
May 28 8:28 PM
PERSON A: My mom was right.
Person B: im so irritated
PERSON A: Come on, he's a nice guy.
Person B: he's hot so....
PERSON A: 😕
Person B: never tell him i say this
PERSON A: Of course not
Person B: What is he doing?
PERSON A: I don't know....
PERSON A: Holy shit
PERSON A: Holy fucking shit!
Shane, Yuna, and David stare at the screen in front of them where Scott Hunter holds his boyfriend on center ice.
Scott Hunter who just kissed a man on TV.
Holy shit didn't even start to explain the jumble of Shane's mind.
"Oh wow," Yuna muttered.
"You don't see that everyday," David repeated what the commentators said.
"Good for Scott Hunter." Yuna sips from her wine glasses. "That must have taken a lot of guts."
Good for Scott Hunter.
Good for him.
A lot of guts.
"I'm gay," Shane blurted out.
Logically, Shane knew the TV was still on and the dishwasher clanged rhythmically from the kitchen. But to him, the world went silent as his parents whipped their heads from the TV to their son, their gay son on their couch in their house who just randomly blurted out one of his biggest secrets.
"I know I should have told you before, but I'm gay and I didn't know how to say it-"
"Shane," Yuna interrupted gently. "Shane, take a breath."
He followed instructions and swallowed hard. "I'm sorry. I- I tried not to, I did, but… I couldn't-" His voice broke off.
"Oh, Shane." Yuna's eyes glistened in the bright light of hockey ice on the screen. David must have muted the TV because it was definitely quiet now. "You have nothing to apologize for."
"Definately not, son," David chimed in.
Yuna shifted closer to her son and pressed a comforting hand on his arm. "Never apologize for who you are, Shane. I'm sorry, for not being a person you felt comfortable telling."
"It wasn't that," Shane argued weakly. He wiped his eyes quickly, irritated at the tears that dared escaped. "It was a lot of things and-"
Shane's phone buzzed in his lap. Lilyusha.
"Fuck, give me one minute," was all the excuse he gave before he picked up the call and walked down the hall to his childhood bedroom.
"Shane?" Ilya's voice cracked through the phone.
"Holy shit," Shane breathed.
"Did that happen? Sveta said it happened, but fuck, Hollander."
"I know," Shane said and wipes his cheeks again. "Fucking shit, he did it."
"I can't believe boring, old Scott Hunter came out before I did! Who does he think he is?"
"You have Russia to think about, Ilya. You need to be careful."
"What is wrong?" Ilya's voice sounded concerned. "Are you crying?"
How did Ilya always know? "I might have just come out to my parents. Uh, kind of embarrassingly."
There was small pause before Ilya's usual teasing voice came through the speaker, "What, Scott Hunter comes out and now Shane Hollander must too? The man is dinosaur, let him have a minute."
"Fuck off," Shane laughed.
"Did you tell them about… me?"
Fuck, the way Ilya's voice sounded small and worried… "No, just me. I wouldn't- I'm serious about being safe, Rozanov."
"Okay."
"Okay."
"You should go back to your parents, Shanya."
"Fuck, I really just blurted out that I'm gay and ran off to talk to you, fuck."
"It's okay," Ilya reasoned. "They are good people, yes?"
"I feel like I'm in a nightmare," Shane admitted.
"Is time to wake up then, yes? Go talk to them and text me later."
"Okay."
"Okay."
Shane walked back into the living room rather sheepishly. Both his parents still sat on the couch, but Yuna's wine glass had obviously been topped off.
"Sorry about that."
David cleared his throat. "You don't have to apologize for anything right now."
Shane nodded slowly. "That was just Lily. She- uh, saw the game and…"
Yuna raised an eyebrow. "Lily? The girl you're close to?"
Fuck, okay. He can at least tell half the truth.
"Lily isn't Lily. Lily is," Shane took a deep breath and sat back down on the couch, "a guy that I call Lily so people don't connect dots."
Yuna and David sat in shocked silence for a moment.
"So Lily is Liam?" David asked slowly.
"Yes. Well, his name isn't Liam, no, but yes, he's a man. That I talk to."
"And you left on family emergency for," Yuna added. "So? Who is he?"
She didn't say it accusingly. Nor rudely.
No, she sounded like a mom who was just excited to know about her son's life.
Unfortunately, Shane couldn't give that to her.
"It's complicated, mom. Lily- Liam could be in danger if people found out about him. His home country could have him arrested. Or worse."
David frowned. "When he texted the group chat, he did mention having difficulty with English."
"Well, there must be something we can do to make it safe. Asylum or citizenship-"
"Mom-"
"Yuna."
"What? It's nice to be prepared! If Liam needs help separating from his country, there are resources to help your boyfriend out!"
"Can we take two steps back here?" Shane's chest felt tight. That would be the headline of the century: Healthy Hockey Player Dies From Coming Out Gay. "First, he's Lily. Lily is our name for him. Second, we're not together like that. With Russia and the NHL… we can't be together."
Yuna deflated into the couch a bit. "Well, that's sad."
"It's how it is," Shane simply stated and the family fell into silence.
Lilyusha
May 28 9:11 PM
Person B: you okay?
PERSON A: Yeah. I just want to see you.
Person B: give me a few days
Person B: or i could get earlier flight?
PERSON A: no no, let's stick to the plan.
PERSON A: I told my parents that Lily was coming over for a couple weeks and not to come over unannounced.
Person B: oh you didn't tell them you were on silent retreat or something boring?
PERSON A: Why do I talk to you?
Person B: aw no come back
Rose
May 28 8:33 PM
Person B: Oh my god Shane!!!!
May 28 9:16 PM
PERSON A: I know.
PERSON A: Lily called me too
PERSON A: I came out to my parents.
Person B: Shane Hollander, I am so proud!
PERSON A: Thanks. It was embarrassing, but I feel good.
Person B: God, first Scott Hunter made me cry and now you!
Person B: I'm in Montreal on the 10th. I could meet you for lunch? We haven't caught up in months!
PERSON A: Ah, Lily will be in town visiting.
Person B: Oh. My. God. Lily's visiting your house??
PERSON A: My cottage, yes.
Person B: That's Canadian for house, yes.
Person B: So, it's serious between you two?
PERSON A: We're exclusive, but beyond that it's nothing.
Person B: Shane.
PERSON A: Okay maybe I want it to be more, but there's the NHL and he's only on a green card. We have to be careful.
Person B: You think he'll be deported if you date?
PERSON A: His home country isn't LGBT friendly.
PERSON A: If we date and it comes out about us, he could be in danger.
Person B: Shit Shane. That's serious.
Person B: I understand. I won't pry.
Person B: Have fun with your Lily. If you do want to grab lunch, let me know. I can even drive up to your "cottage"
PERSON A: Why is that in quotes?
Person B: 🙄
Yuna
May 30 1:01 PM
PERSON A: [Image: the shelf of a liquor store showcasing a multitude of different vodka brands
PERSON A: Which vodka is better do you think?
Person B: Dave, honey? You don't drink vodka?
PERSON A: Shane said Lily is from Russia
PERSON A: I want to have some good stuff on hand in case she comes over while visiting
Person B: You caught that too?
Person B: I've been looking up Russian laws.
Person B: It's not good.
PERSON A: I know. We can only do so much for them from here.
Person B: Maybe I'll find some Russian recipes to have on hand.
PERSON A: Good idea sweetie
Meanwhile in Boston
Blake
May 28 8:36 PM
PERSON A: holy shit Blake
PERSON A: BLAKE
Person B: What? What happened??
PERSON A: aren't you watching the game
Person B: Football isn't in season right now?
PERSON A: why do i talk to you. hockey! hockey cup final right now
Person B: I know, I was teasing you you idiot
Person B: But no, I don't follow ice sticks. What happened?
PERSON A: we're talking about this later
PERSON A: Admirals just won the cup and their captain took hiS BOYFRIEND ON THE ICE AND KISSED HIM ON CAMERA
PERSON A: holy shit holy shit the first out hockey player
Person B: whoa
Person B: Good for him
Person B: Looks like I can go to the press now that you won't be the first out gay player
PERSON A: why did i ever try men if i just get treated like this?
Person B: Because you like it?
Person B: Do you want to yell about this hockey gay guy or come fuck this Boston gay guy?
PERSON A: fuck ill be over in 20
Person B: You live 35 minutes away?
PERSON A: not if i go 85 the whole way
Person B: Jesus you can't be that horny! We fucked two days ago
PERSON A: i will go the speed limit if you're NOT touching yourself right now
Person B: .... get the fuck over here
Chapter End Notes
Guys, some help please? I need a ship name for Connor and Blake. I've been refering to them as Coke, but any ideas?
I do NOT have the next chapter written. The next chapter will ONLY be the cottage, which means most of their interactions will be written out. Obviously, you see that Shane's coming out already happened and so David will not interrupt now that he knows the truth.
Does anyone have any suggestions/requests for events or text threads to happen? I'm pretty open if I can make it work with the things I have written for the summer/next season.Please, suggestions are wanted! Thank you all, I will try to reply to everyone on this chapter!
Chapter 9: The Cottage
Chapter Summary
Snapshots of The Cottage (liberty taken with the order of events)
Chapter Notes
TW for homophobic remarks, slurs, and consensual degregation
I struggled with this chapter for a few different reasons, including personal issues and worry about how this chapter might be received.
Spoilers for chapter: tap at your own riskThe relationship reveal doesn't happen here. The reveal was the second thing I wrote for this fic. I thought about changing it, but there's more story to tell about Connor and Blake (Cake, if you will) and Hollanov as a whole.
I'm beating myself up a bit about this chapter; I am being really hard on myself about my writing. I'm not 100% happy with how it turned out, but I need to stop criticing myself and let it be.
I hope you like it and I hope that your expectations will be met <3
Voyageurs no Cap
June 3 2 :11 PM
J.J.
Okay we need to do something about Hollander
Wilson
What happened?
Taylor
whats wrong
Andropov
??????
Olsson
Boz, you can't just say that and dip.
J.J.
Sorry sorry
Is it not weird that he's spending two weeks at his cottage with Lily. Who he still denies being in a relationship with.
Olsson
She's going to his mythical fucking cottage?
Couillard
you're fucking kidding me?
Pike
he says they're exclusively hooking up
Olsson
EXCLUSIVE????
Wilson
Hasn't he told us that before?
Andropov
this boy needs help
Taylor
wait is this not just a thing people do?
Couillard
no
J.J.
Non
Cormeau
No
Andropov
no
Miitka
We're having a talk Rook when the season starts again.
Taylor
im not a rook anymore
Miitka
Then stop acting like one.
Pike
you guys know how Hollander is
Couillard
yeah he's probably too busy dating hockey to date a hot chick
Drapeau
You don't know Lily's hot
She might be fugly but good in bed and that's why he keeps her
J.J.
Let's not be fucking assholes here
Cormeau
No I agree with Drap
Drapeau
Thank you
Wilson
maybe Hollander wants to keep her out of the spotlight
Olsson
Maybe she has his kid and he wants to keep it a secret
Andropov
maybe Lily's a dude and he's having gay sex every weekend
Wilson
ew dude
Couillard
Too far man
No way cap is a cocksucker
Drapeau
No faggot could play hockey like Hollander
Andropov
i am sorry i thought we were all saying ridiculous things here
Olsson
Yeah, but like respectfully
Andropov
whatever
Hayd Hayds
June 3 2:42 PM
PERSON A: 👀
Person B: why would you bring Shane up in the group chat?
PERSON A: Oh come on! Admit that this is all weird
Person B: i think this is our friend's life and if he says they're not dating then they're not dating
PERSON A: What about my theory? Hollanov has merit and you know it
Person B: i need to stop drinking with you
Person B: i will say it again: shane is not gay and if he was he wouldn't be fucking rozanov
PERSON A: Rozanov did not go to Russia this year
Person B: and you know this how?
PERSON A: I have ways. Sexy Quebecois ninja ways
Person B: fuck off j
PERSON A: Non, non, mon ami, listen
PERSON A: This is the only thing that makes sense. Hollander is too careful for accidental pregnancy and if he wanted to keep Lily away from reporters he'd still be able to say he had a girlfriend without saying her name
PERSON A: He never hooks up, he never goes out, he never checks out women (even Rose FUCKING Landry!!! I've seen them together!), and he always looks uncomfortable when the guys talk pussy in the locker room
Person B: so do i because everyone in that room is disgusting
Person B: besides, this just proves he's gay, not that he's with ROZANOV the russian menace
PERSON A: Pike… WHO else would ever be good enough other then Rozanov? And his fan sites says he boarded a plane to Canada earlier today, not Russia
Person B: goodnight j. please become normal overnight i beg you
PERSON A: No chance asshole
The Cottage
Day 1
"I bought you cokes and the water's good here. I have my own well, in case you're thirsty."
Ilya smiled at his boyfriend across the room. He's adorably anxious showing Ilya around the cottage. He understood: two weeks of uninterrupted alone time. They've never done this before.
Hell, Ilya's own palms felt sticky as he unclenched his fists.
"Shane." Ilya moved from position against the oversized window and cupped the side of Shane's face. "You are having panic attack." He softly brushed his thumb across Shane's splatter of freckles. "Are you okay?"
Shane adam's apple bobbed as he swallowed. "Yeah, it's just… you're here. In my cottage."
"Hmm, yes," Ilya agreed. He kissed Shane on the lips and started pushing him backwards towards the couch. "We have two weeks."
"Two…" The back of Shane's legs hit the couch and both the men tumbled down onto the cushions.
Ilya trailed kisses from Shane's lips to his jaw to his shirt collar. "So we have all the time in world, yes?"
"I might not last very long," Shane admitted as he wiggled his shirt off under Ilya. "It's been so long."
Fuck, didn't Ilya know it.
March. The last time they fucked — the last time Ilya had so much as touched Shane — was in March. Three painful goddamn months.
Thank every deity in this universe that FaceTime existed. If Ilya's last image of Shane had been that hospital room — all bruised eyes and wrong clothing — he would have gone insane.
"I know," Ilya murmured softly as he leaned forward again.
They spend the next several hours re-familiarizing themselves with the other, over and over again. On the couch, on the floor, on the bed, in the shower.
Days seemed to speed up at the cottage. Ilya wished time would behave itself and give them the time they deserve.
But he refused to look a gift horse in the mouth, or whatever stupid English saying.
Shane and him existed in peaceful bliss, until day four.
Day 4
Ilya and Shane hiked back up to the cottage and entered through the backdoor, playfully bickering about dinner.
"We can't have burgers again."
"We can have burgers every night, I do not see problem."
"The problem is we need to have a balanced meal once in a while, Ilya."
"Okay, you have balance, I will have your delicious burger again and be happy."
"Don't try to flirt-"
The doorbell rang through the house and Shane went deathly still. Ilya frowned and watched his boyfriend's quickly-paling face.
"You do not expect company?"
"No, I told everyone not to bother us. I-uh - shit," he cursed softly and walked to the front door. "Stay here, let me see who it is."
Ilya pursed his lips, but stayed in the kitchen like he'd been told.
Would he like for people to know that he was here with Shane? No, but Ilya knew the only people would knew this address was a very small list. Would it be so bad for those people — Shane's parents, Hayden, J.J., Rose — to know who Shane's boyfriend is?
He tried to ignore the yearning he felt.
He wanted to know Yuna. He wanted to know David. He wanted to meet Shane's parents and have inside jokes with them and talk to someone about their son.
But it must be on Shane's time. He came out to them, great first step.
Now he must be patient.
"The fuck-" Shane's voice sounded from the front, followed by the slamming of the front door. A few seconds later, Shane appeared with a arm full of… Tupperware?
Ilya looks at the different containers as Shane sets them on the counter. Rice, tofu, and soup filled the glass containers. Along them, a bottle of vodka that looked very nice by Canadian standards.
"What is this?" Ilya asked, thoroughly confused.
"My mother," Shane explained, a crease etched between his eyebrows. "I- Fuck I don't even know."
Ilya opened the tofu container and a delicious smell filled the kitchen making his mouth water instantly.
"That's hiyayakko. And the soup is morioka reimen, eaten cold not hot. They're Japanese summer dishes my mom used to make me." Shane took a deep breath and dug his phone out of his pocket. "Let me call her real quick."
Shane walked into the other room, leaving Ilya alone in the kitchen again. We'll, at least Yuna decided on dinner for them. He busied himself getting plates and bowls out for them to eat on as Shane's half of the phone call bled into the kitchen.
"Mom, I told you… No, that's not the problem… Lily and I- No, mom… We were swimming… Yes, we are wearing sunscreen. Well, I am. I don't think I can convince him to in a hundred years… I told him the statistics, he doesn't listen… Mom, I told you not to come over here… Just because you didn't see anything doesn't matter… Okay. Okay. Yes. Thank you for the food, it looks good… I love you too. Ba-bye."
Shane walked back into the room with a loud sigh. "She's overbearing."
"She loves you." Like I love you. He didn't say it. Fuck, he wanted to.
"She does. She said she made her favorite summer meals for you and my dad picked out the vodka for you."
Ilya swallowed the lump in his throat. "They are both very thoughtful."
Shane grunted noncommittally.
They ate most of the food in companionable silence and saved the rest for the days to come. Once the vodka had chilled enough, Ilya poured himself a glass. They sat on the couch, watched hockey highlights for the season, and argued about the different plays.
"Ah, you say Barrett is dirty player, but look at Dallas-"
Ilya looked over to see Shane slumped into the couch, eyes closed and softly snoring. Ilya smiled softly and turned the noise down on the TV.
He watched the rest of the highlights in silence, but his eyes flickered to Shane's phone.
He knew the passcode.
He could send himself Yuna and David's number.
Ilya tried to watch the TV, but after a few minutes, he gave in. Within seconds, his boyfriend's parents' numbers were sent to his phone, the messages deleted on his phone, and a new group chat formed.
Mr. & Mrs. Hollander & Lily
June 6 4:41 PM
PERSON A: hi this is lily
PERSON A: i wanted to thank you for food and vodka. both were very good
Mrs. Hollander
Aw, you're welcome hun! I'm glad you enjoyed it!
Mrs. Hollander changed the group name to Yuna, David, and Lily
Mrs. Hollander
You can call us our first names hun.
Mr. Hollander
Does Shane know you have our numbers?
You changed Mrs. Hollander's contact to Yuna
You changed Mr. Hollander's contact to David
PERSON A: no?
PERSON A: [Image: Shane asleep on the couch, head propped up by a pillow and a throw blanket across his lap]
PERSON A: maybe he should not fall asleep
David
Oh, he's out.
Yuna
I haven't seen him sleep on a couch since he was a kid!
PERSON A: we got wore out today
PERSON A: by swimming. we went swimming in lake
Yuna
And you didn't wear sunscreen?
PERSON A: sun cannot hurt me. sun is scared of me
Yuna
I'm sending you links to articles about the effects of years of sun exposure.
[link]
[link]
[link]
David
Yuna, honey.
Thank you for reaching out, Lily.
PERSON A: yes i am happy to
PERSON A: i know shane is nervous but when he isnt i would like to meet
Yuna
Oh, hun!
Maybe we can convince him by Christmas.
Wait, you live in Boston, right? Do you celebrate Thanksgiving? We could do a Thanksgiving meal for you.
PERSON A: no no not thanksgiving
PERSON A: i would like to celebrate your christmas with you
David
ours?
PERSON A: my country celebrates in janurary
PERSON A: i am guessing by the vodka that you know i am russian?
Yuna
Yes, Shane told us.
I was going to make Okroshka for you but I was worried I wouldn't do it justice.
PERSON A: you are very kind
PERSON A: i am sure it would be very good
PERSON A: maybe not? shane might have panic attack if that happens again
David
I'll keep her reigned in, son.
You enjoy your time with Shane.
PERSON A: thank you
PERSON A: have a nice night
Yuna
Goodnight, sweetie!
David
Goodnight, son.
Ilya wiped his cheek and swallowed past the lump in his throat.
When was the last time someone called him son? When was the last time someone his elder treated him with any modicum, a fucking drop, of love?
He watched Shane on the couch, still blissfully asleep, and tried to will the burn in his eyes to dissipate. He's a grown ass man; crying over being called "son" was beneath him.
But it was nice, to be shown affection by someone his boyfriend held dear.
It was nice, to be called son again.
Day 6
Marly
June 8 10:02 AM
Person B: How's Canada?
PERSON A: very boring
Person B: Boring?
PERSON A: 😉
Person B: My god man
Person B: Tell Jane the WAGS want her in the chat. They're going feral
PERSON A: no no jane will not do this
Ilya tapped the ashes off the tip of his cigarette before sliding it between his lips for a long drag. It's his first since he arrived, the itch becoming too much to ignore. Shane hopped in the shower post-workout — Ilya refused to participate, opting to watch his very hot boyfriend flex his muscles instead — which should give him enough time to finish a cigarette or two.
Ilya blew out a cloud of smoke and leaned heavily on the tree to his back. He took in the nature around him: the reflective lake surface, tall trees that tried to touch the sky, a lone bunny in the grass with high ears, the wind softly blowed the foliage and Ilya's smoke.
He watched the bunny for a bit as it took a jump, sniffed around, moved its ears, and jumped again.
He tapped his cigarette again and raised it up to his lips.
"I can't believe you still smoke those things."
Ilya just about jumped out of his skin. He whipped around to find Shane a few feet away.
"You are trying to murder me, shit, Hollander!"
Shane laughed, the free sound musical to Ilya. "Sorry, I didn't mean to startle you. Lost in thought?"
Ilya shook his head and pointed to the bunny who stayed oblivious to the two men. "Watching her. I don't see nature like this in Boston."
"I love it here," Shane admitted in a whisper as to not risk disturbing the rabbit.
"Boring Canada."
"I think you like it."
"I do," Ilya confessed. He smiled at Shane and kiss his lips.
"Ew, I can taste cigarettes!"
"Blah, I had one."
Shane shoved his shoulder, but continued to stand beside him against the tree until Ilya stomped on the remaining bud and picked it up into his pocket.
"Why-"
"I do not litter, Hollander. You want me to leave trash in beautiful nature? You may throw trash outside, but I do not."
Shane rolled his eyes. "You're an ass."
"Hmm," Ilya hummed and pinned Shane to the tree by the hips, "this I know you like."
Shane avoided an incoming kiss. "I am not kissing you until you brush your teeth."
"Good thing I don't need to kiss."
Ilya pressed his lips against the crook of Shane's neck, following down to the t-shirt collar he had on. Adjusting, he pressed his thigh against Shane's crotch.
"Fuck, yes," Shane moaned as if they hadn't had sex eight hours ago.
"You are slut, you know this?"
Ilya wasn't expecting the reaction he received: Shane's whole body shivered and a low moan slipped between the man's lips.
Ilya's growing erection twitched as he saw arousal evident on Shane's face. "You like that? You like being called a slut?"
"I-" Shane swallowed. "Yes."
Ilya kissed his neck again, but he wanted to go inside right now to brush his teeth so he could capture Shane's red lips with his. "Fuck, Shane. You're perfect."
Shane moaned again and pushed Ilya back. "Inside. Now."
Day 9
Shane laid awake in bed. The conversation Ilya and him had a few hours ago, outside by the campfire, ran through his head.
Ilya's mother, dead. Young Ilya, finding her body.
Shane's heart ached to think of the younger version of the man beside him; more carefree and open until his mother's suicide. He didn't even want to think about how destroyed he must have felt.
His watch — dimmed on its charger — showed 3:47 AM. He sighed through his nose before he clicked the lamp on beside him. He wasn't going to be able to get any sleep if he didn't get this out of his system.
"Ilya. Ilya."
"Hmm, what is it?"
"I've been thinking, about- about us."
"It is early, Hollander. This cannot wait?"
"No, it can't. Look…" Shane's mouth dried up.
I love you. I'm sorry, but I can't stop myself from falling for you and having you here in my house is so special to me. I love you so much.
But he can't say that. He can, however, propose a way for them to see each other more often. "Next season, after this summer-"
"Is my last season with Boston."
Shane blinked dumbly. That is not where this conversation was going. "Your what?"
Ilya shimmied his way up the bed to be upright. "After next season, I become free agent. Is good timing."
Shane was pretty sure his brain short-circuited. "You'd leave Boston?"
"To be closer, yes." Ilya raised his hand to stroke Shane's chin. "To see you more."
"I want to start a charity," Shane blurted out. He saw Ilya freeze with confusion, so he continued, "With you. It would- We could run it together, tell the public that this cause made us friends. We could be, uh, more public together. Go out to eat, walk through the front door."
"But you like the back door?"
"Shut the fuck up, it's a good idea."
"Yes, Shane." Ilya leaned over to wrap an arm around Shane's shoulders, the two of them adjusting so Shane laid his head on Ilya's chest. He played with Shane's dark hair as he asked, "What would the charity be?"
"I was thinking," Shane started to explain slowly, as he thought about the weight of each word before he said it, "it could be about mental illness, suicide prevention. We could- Well, we could name it after your mom. Irina Foundation."
Shane held his breath as he waited for Ilya's response. After a prolonged silence, Shane pulled off Ilya's chest to-
Ilya had his head turned away from him, tears quietly falling down his cheek.
"Ilya," Shane whispered (or whimpered, more like). He tried to turn Ilya's head towards him, but the Russian shook his head. "Ilya, look at me."
Ilya blinked rapidly, but eventually followed the request and looked Shane in the eyes. "There you are," Shane praised softly. "Is it too much? We don't have to if-"
"It's perfect. You're perfect," Ilya insisted. Shane couldn't deny the resounding sincerity in those words.
Shane laid his head back down on Ilya's chest. He closed his eyes and finally drifted to sleep as Ilya whispered non-distinguishable words in Russian into Shane's hair.
Mom
June 11 9:10 AM
PERSON A: Hey, I have a random question. If I wanted to start a charity, how would I start that?
PERSON A: Do I need to find organization to coordinate with before I file paperwork?
Person B: What's happening? Where's this coming from?
PERSON A: Let's say I want to open a charity with a coworker focused around donating money to mental health treatments and organizations? Where do I start?
Person B: Oh, honey.
Person B: Let me do some research and I'll get back to you.
PERSON A: Thanks, mom.
Day 11
Marly
June 13 11:23 AM
Person B: I may have mentioned to Caitlin that you're in Canada with Jane and now she's demanding her number
Person B: Dude, help a guy out
PERSON A: no marly
PERSON A: jane is very private
Person B: And I like sleeping in my own bed, but if I don't get Jane's number then I'm on the couch
PERSON A: boo
PERSON A: man up
Shane threw his controller down in frustration. "You're only winning because you're playing as me! Obviously, I have better stats than you do."
"You are just sore loser," Ilya declared with a smirk. He checked his phone, typed a quick message, and put it down. He didn't press play yet, though. "Would- WAG chat."
Shane blinked slowly. What? "What about the WAG chat?"
"Well," he started slowly, "I know you would not, but I could join Montreal WAG chat."
Shane frowned. Where was this coming from? "I'm not sure if that would be… appropriate."
"As Lily, of course."
"Obviously. I mean, it's wives and girlfriends. I'm not sure- well, besides the obvious," you aren't my boyfriend, "I'm not sure that's a good idea. The WAGs share a lot of personal info in there, and I'm not sure they would feel comfortable having a guy in the chat."
Shane can imagine, a few years down the line, if the news of Ilya and himself ever became public knowledge, the WAGs being rightfully upset because they talked about their periods and bras with a guy secretly in the chat.
Or, whatever women talked about in a group chat alone? Maybe he should ask Jackie her opinion on this.
As if the Pike's had been summoned, Shane's phone ringed with Hayden's contact on the screen.
Ilya groaned and flopped back into the couch.
Shane rolled his eyes at the Russian's antics. "Don't be a baby. He's probably calling so he can have a minute away from his kids."
Shane picked up the phone and added a bit of faux brightness into his voice. "Hey, Hayds! How are things?"
"Ah, you know, new kid." Hayden sounded exhausted. "Jackie's brother is here to kinda take over for a bit. I figured I'd call and see how you're doing up there."
"Oh, Bill right? I think I met him at the wedding."
Shane jolted as he felt Ilya's hand on his inner thigh. His eyes snapped to Ilya and he shook his head.
"Yeah, Bill. He's a godsend, honestly."
"I remember how hard the Arthur's pregnancy was for her."
Ilya's hand slid up over his shorts and palmed him through the fabric. Shane shifted as his dick started to perk up.
"Hayden, give me a second," Shane interrupted and pressed the mute button. "Ilya."
"Shane."
"What are you doing?"
"Is pretty obvious, yes?"
Shane closed his eyes and took a deep breath. "Quit it."
Ilya looked down as the bulge that started to show in Shane's shorts. "I don't think that's what you want."
"Later, okay? Once I'm done with Hayden, we can go upstairs."
Ilya sighed dramatically. "How about, I only touch you if you get hard."
Easy. "I won't get hard."
"Then you have nothing to worry about."
The two men stared at each other, the challenge between them playful yet serious. After a few seconds staking his dominance, Shane unmuted Hayden.
Game on.
"Sorry man, my mom was on the other line. You were talking about Arthur?"
It turned difficult to pay attention to Hayden on the phone as Ilya positioned himself in front of him, on the floor; He slowly stripped off his shirt, not taking his eyes off of Shane.
Dammit, Ilya knew exactly how he affected Shane. His mouth dried up as he watched Ilya's hands linger around his pecks, brushing against his areolas, down to the happy trail below his belly button.
Shane never stood a chance. Within a minute, his erection pressed painfully against his shorts.
Ilya's eyes twinkled as he reached his hands over the bulge. Fuck. "Ah, bingo," Ilya said with a wink.
He made efficient work of Shane's button and zipper. He didn't bother pulling the fabric down; Instead, he fed Shane's dick through the boxer slit to expose his red, dripping cock without ever undressing him.
Shane moaned as the chill air hit his sensitive dick, the temperature change a small shock. He covered the phone microphone, hoping that Hayden couldn't hear him.
"Shane, listen to Pike. Do not be bad friend," Ilya reprimanded with a smack to the inside of Shane's thigh.
Fuck him, fuck him, fuck. Him.
Shane barely stifled his moan as he tried to refocus on the phone call. "… and Ruby is going through a phase where she just melts down if something isn't exactly perfect. I swear, with the baby, her, and Arthur teething again, I'm going fucking insane."
Shane tried to hum along. "Yeah, yeah that seems toug-oof," Shane grimaced at the end as Ilya licked the underside of his dick, from taint to tip. Shane gritted his teeth and tried to kep his breathing even. "Tough. That's tough man. How's J-Jackie handling it?"
Hayden continued on about Jackie, how her family helps out, and the new yoga studio she attended last week. "You should go with her once you're back in Montreal. She said it was a really good instructor leading the session. The studio is down by…"
Hayden's voice faded from Shane's attention as Ilya started sucking him with vigor, not trying to be quiet with his slurping, groaning, and smacking. Tomorrow, there would be bruises on Shane's thighs, but right then, Ilya's fingers pressed deep into the soft skin.
Shane pushed the phone away from his face as the pressure deep within pops like a champaign bottle. "Fuck," Shane shouted as shot ribbons of cum onto Ilya's tongue.
He panted heavily as he watched Ilya; he opened his mouth to show his tongue coated in white. Ilya made eye contact before purposefully swallowing everything down.
Shane rolled his eyes and pushed Ilya away. "You're an ass." He brought the phone back up to his ear. "Hey, sorry I think the connection is bad out here… Yeah… Look, I'll text you next week… Bye, Hayds."
Shane hung the phone up and wasted no time in tackling the blond Russian. "Fuck, why was that so hot?"
Ilya smirked at him before landing a loud kiss on Shane's lips. "Because you like to be bad. My slutty bad boy."
Shane kissed Ilya deeply before pulling both of them off the couch. He wanted to reciprocate, but the bed might be better for what Shane had planned.
Shane forgot about Ilya's WAG chat comment as soon as they landed on the bed together.
Day 14
It's funny how much you learn about someone when you lived with them for two weeks. They're all small things:
Ilya wet his toothbrush before and after applying toothpaste.
Ilya opened his coke can, but didn't press the tab back flat.
Ilya thought skincare was hand soap scrubbed on his face, and fuck him because it worked for him.
Ilya slept on his stomach.
Therefore, Shane was no longer surprised when, on the morning Ilya was set to leave, he went downstairs to music playing from Ilya's phone speaker.
Ilya loved music. Any chance he got, music played from a speaker.
The music always changed; heavy rock during workouts, pop during the day, softer music as the night wound down. Music that Shane never thought existed, but it exists here with Ilya in his house.
Today, soft Russian flowed through Shane's kitchen. Shane stared at Ilya for a minute, stared at his swaying hips as he scrambled eggs, stared at his full lips as he whispered along with the words.
Before too long, Ilya spotted him watching. He always did.
"Ah, good morning, мое солнышко!" (my sunshine)
"Good morning." Shane punctuated his greeting with a chaste kiss. "Thank you for making breakfast."
"Of course, Shanya." Ilya smirked at him. "I think chefs get two morning kisses."
Shane rolled his eyes, but gave in quickly. Fuck, Ilya was leaving in two hours. In two hours, they won't be able to kiss again until… October?
Fucking shit.
Maybe he could drive down to Boston in September before they both reported to training camps.
He's not your fucking boyfriend. Don't expect things from him he can't give you.
These last fourteen days, it felt so nice to be cared for, to have someone to care on in return. It was natural to look for Ilya in a room as Shane entered it.
Waking up beside him now felt like the norm, an expectation he needed to maintain.
Fuck, he didn't want to say goodbye again. Never again.
Shane funneled his feelings the same way he always did: with his body. Five minutes later, the breakfast laid forgotten on the counter and the tile grout imprinted on Shane's knees as he pawed at Ilya's dick.
"Ilya," he mumbled as he nuzzled against his crotch.
"Shane," came a whispered response from above.
Shane mouth filled with saliva — soon to be drool. He swallowed hard, surprised to find his breathing already labored. He rubbed his thumb over Ilya's slit before he took the digit into his mouth and mewed around it. "Can I? Please."
Ilya gripped the counter behind him so hard his knuckles turned white. "Fuck, yes. Yes, whatever you want. Take everything."
Shane didn't waste a minute before Ilya's cock was down his throat. Drool indeed dropped off Shane's chin as he took in more than half of his length.
He didn't move, not right away. Instead, he took pleasure from just the weight of Ilya's cock — his cock — on his tongue. The familiar musk, texture, and taste made Shane's eyes roll back. The world disappeared, his knees stopped aching against the tile, his hunger no longer an issue.
All that mattered was that he had a dick in his mouth. He was exactly where he wanted to be.
"Shane, my good boy," Ilya said softly and wiped a caressing thumb against Shane's cheek. "You ready for me to move?"
Shane made a sound of denial. No. Please, not yet, he wanted to beg.
"Okay," Ilya relinquished. His thumb made another pass across a splattering of freckles. "Warm my cock all you want, Shanya. You — fuck — look so sexy like this."
Shane hummed in pleasure and allowed his body to relax. Yes, he was a strong hockey player, a force to be reckoned with on the ice, but he contained multitudes. One of those multitudes included just how much of a slut he was for Ilya.
He lost time, lost how long he sat there on the floor, until he raised himself up. He slid his head rhythmically up, down, up, down. His tongue swirled the tip on every up, and he moaned every down as he felt that same tip hit the back of his throat.
Ilya above him restrained himself for all of a minute. Maybe it was the immeasurable time Shane had spent cockwarming him, but Ilya fisted his hands in Shane's hair and frantically chased Shane's mouth.
In seconds, Ilya cries mixed with the rhythmic Russian music still playing from his phone speaker. Hot ropes of cum shot down Shane's throat, who swallowed it with a "thank you" in his eyes.
Shane pulled off with a small pop and Ilya wasted no time bringing him up to his feet to kiss his puffy lips.
"You are so good to me," Ilya murmured between heated kisses.
Forcing his breathing to regulate, Shane pressed his nose against Ilya's cheek. "Finish breakfast, yeah? Maybe we can get a round in before we leave for the airport."
"You like undergone chicken sausage and over easy eggs, yes?"
Shane rolled his eyes and smacked a open palm against the Russian's chest.
Fuck, he was going to miss this idiot.
Ilya took a deep breath as Shane pulled into a secluded parking spot inside Montreal Airport's parking garage.
This was it, their little moment of seclusion and peace over. Ilya had duties in Boston and Shane had his own schedule to maintain.
Still, parting left a sting on both of the men.
Ilya looked at Shane, with his dark hair and freshly-tanned skin, words and monologues left unsaid.
I love you. It's always been you. I can't wait to move to Canada. I can't wait to see you more and kiss you more. I love you so much, my Shanya.
He ached to say the words, but Shane wasn't ready. Ilya knew this, that his strong boyfriend tended to be timid when it came to his feelings. If he pushed too far, Shane would pull back double-fold.
That's alright. Ilya's waited this long, seven months of dating. He'd wait seven years if he needed to.
Instead of saying what he wanted, Ilya simply said, "I will see you on the ice."
"See you next season," came Shane's reply.
Ilya thought he could hear a note of sadness in his voice, but when he looked up at Shane's face, a blanket of blankness had taken occupancy.
"Next season."
Rewind a bit - J.J.'s Version
Day 8
Jean-Jacques Boiziau officially ran out of patience.
Nine years, he's played hockey with the Voyageurs. Eight years, he's played alongside Shane Hollander. Six years, he's played on the same line as Shane Hollander. Five years, Shane Hollander assumed the roll of his captaine.
And for eight years — or more, for fuck's sake — Shane Hollander texted Lily.
No one knows her last name or face or job or any detail whatsoever.
His last name.
Lily had to be a man. There was no other reasonable explanation for the secrecy otherwise.
Furthermore, J.J. convinced himself, by solid evidential facts, that Lily's real name was Ilya Rozanov, Boston Raider's captaine and notorious fucking asshole.
Hayden Pike wouldn't go with him up to Shane's secret Ottawa cabin, but J.J. had the address and his own car and a burning need to figure out what was going on with his friend.
He left early with the intention of arriving before dinner, but traffic out of Montreal crawled by. Then a detour on the freeway led him through slow back roads. Then he, admittedly, got lost for twenty minutes before turning around.
In the end, he pulled up to the cottage two hours after he meant to, the sun already forgotten by the sky. With the cottage walls basically being all glass, J.J. knew no one was inside. Instead, he saw a tell-tale glow coming from outside on the other side of the house.
Thanking his luck, J.J. crept along the side fence, keeping his footsteps purposeful and quiet. When he was a few meters away, he heard Shane and "Lily" talking.
"You're the only one that calls me that." The Russian accent was thick, the voice familiar.
Ilya fucking Rozanov.
J.J. fucking knew it!
"What? Ilyusha?"
"Yes. It had been a long time… since someone did."
There's a long pause, filled only by the crackling of the campfire. J.J. hardly dared to breathe as he waited for his chance to announce his presence.
"Your mom called you Ilyusha, didn't she?" Ilya nodded but kept his eyes on the dancing flames. "What happened?"
"Accident. She accidently swallowed a whole bottle of pills."
Wait. Wait. J.J. pulse pounded as he listened to words that weren't meant for him.
"Ilya…"
"I don't want you to think she was weak. She was not. She was so good, but so sad. My dad was too hard on her and she was so young."
Fuck.
"Of course, she wasn't weak. Ilyusha-"
"I found her. I was twelve and I came home early from the rink because I- I got in a fight with one of the older players and I saw her on her bed, lips blue."
"Oh, shit."
Oh, shit was right. J.J. didn't want to hear this. This information wasn't for him to know about.
Fuck, he really shouldn't have came. He never knew that about Rozanov's mother. That was something J.J. didn't wish on anyone, even the Russian menace that made Boston games hell.
Fuck, what was he supposed to do now?
He needed to get the fuck out of there without being caught.
Slowly, he stepped backwards the way he came, being careful not to step on any sticks or snails or anything that could be loud enough to give him away. He made it back to his car and onto the main street with no one else the wiser.
Day 11
Hayd Hayds
June 6 12:11 PM
Person B: okay iI just got off the phone with Shane and he definitely has a guy there
Person B: i didn't hear his voice but I definitely heard SOMETHING while on the phone with him. it was not female moans
PERSON A: I have no idea what you're talking about
PERSON A: You feeling okay, Pike?
Person B: ??? i'm saying you're right dude
PERSON A: I know nothing of what you speak
Person B: you're so weird
Chapter End Notes
Question for the next chapter: Hollanov Summer or Cake Summer first?
I'm currently in Florida on vaca, so it'll probably be another week for an update
Chapter 10: Hollanov's Summer
Chapter Summary
Hollanov's summer stretching mid June - mid September
Chapter Notes
Hello loons! Thank you for the positivity on the last chapter! I hope everyone enjoys this chapter!
I chose to post Hollanov's summer first because some events will lead into Conner's chapter and it made the most sense to the story this way.
CW: slurs used, but not directed at people (Blame JJ for this CW)
Enjoy! <3
Hayd Hayds
June 18 11:51 AM
Person B: jj talk to me
Person B: you've been ignoring me
Person B: jj
PERSON A: I'm not ignoring you
Person B: really? the last thing you said to me was a lie about how you know nothing about shane and his "lily"
PERSON A: I know nothing about Shane and Lily other than what he's told us
Person B: … bull. shit.
Person B: you found something didn't you?!
Person B: jj what do you know???
PERSON A: Leave it alone Pike
Person B: uh i listened to my best friend receive a blowjob by a man over the phone. i'm not leaving this alone
PERSON A: It was probably a woman
Person B: no woman has a moan that low
Person B: trust me, i'm traumatized
Raiders Stay #1
June 20 2 :11 PM
Marly
When Roz is back in town, we should do a bar crawl
Simon
Yes!! I need a night out.
PERSON A: I'm back in town
Marly
?? Jane?
PERSON A: No? Is sexiest man alive 2015
Carmie
Cap, you're using caps?
PERSON A: ???
Connors
look caps back
oh thats new
should i capitalize too?
Hi
ew that felt weird
Simon
Connor, one goddamn message
PERSON A: What are you idiots talking about?
PERSON A: Wait why is my texts like this??
My Janya
June 20 2:22 PM
PERSON A: Did you do something to my phone??
Person B: Hello to you too.
Person B: What's this about?
PERSON A: My phone. It caps words. It corrects spelling
Person B: Yes, congrats on learning grammar. Good for you.
PERSON A: Jannnnne
Person B: Relax, it's just auto-caps and auto-correct.
PERSON A: Tell me how to fix this
Person B: No :)
Raiders Stay #1
PERSON A: My Jane has betrayed me. Will not tell me how to fix
Andy
did she mess with your settings?
Carmie
She definitely did. This is fucking great
PERSON A: Not great. I have a reputation to keep
PERSON A: "If you ask your team for help, I won't have FaceTime sex with you for a week"
PERSON A: ... Fuck
Connors
oh he's serious
she's*****
Marly
Jane's fiesty!
PERSON A: No no keep your eyes away
PERSON A: She does not like your ugly mug Marly
Marly
Whatever asshole. I'm married and I'm not looking for a sidepiece
Carmie
You better not be
Connors
good because we'll tell Cait
PERSON A: Good I would beat your ass
Marly
Whoa whoa guys
Seriously, one woman man over here
PERSON A: 🔪🔪
Carmie
June 20 2:32 PM
Person B: Nice save idiot
PERSON A: holy shit fuck i did that didnt i
PERSON A: fuck do you think anyone thought anything of it???
Person B: No you're fine man. Typos happen
PERSON A: im texting cap
Person B: Don't do that
Person B: Connor
Person B: Connor don't text him that's more suspicious
June 20 2:49 PM
PERSON A: fuck
PERSON A: everything is fine
Person B: ???
Connor
June 20 2:39 PM
Person B: hey i didn't mean anything by that
Person B: obviously it's a she not a he
Person B: because that would be ridiculous but also like cool if jane was a he
Person B: because you know about me so obviously it's okay if you are too
PERSON A: Connor
PERSON A: What is this?
Person B: i accidentally said he instead of she in chat
Person B: but obviously that's silly but also totally okay
PERSON A: What do you know Connor?
Person B: nothing obviously
Person B: it's not like i connected that jane is shane hollander and you went to his ottawa cottage for two weeks and shane was down here in boston after your dad died
PERSON A: ....
PERSON A: If you tell anyone I will personally make sure you cannot skate ever again
PERSON A: You will be unable to speak and your fingers will not be able to write or text
Person B: whoa whoa i'm right??
Person B: no one is doing anything
Person B: we're not telling anyone dude
PERSON A: We? Who the fuck else knows?
Person B: fuck
Person B: carmie and i figured it out together?
Person B: marly didn't believe carmie before
Person B: but like i'm bi so i'm not going to tell anyone else i swear to god
Person B: blake would probably murder me too if i outted someone
PERSON A: Okay okay
PERSON A: Tell no one else. Especially Shane
Person B: of course not
Person B: dude this is so cool
PERSON A: Cool?
Person B: i just mean
Person B: you and hollzy
Person B: two powerhouses of hockey
PERSON A: ...
PERSON A: You're on fucking thin ice
Person B: got it 🫡
Connor and Carmie
June 20 3: 14 PM
You named the group chat Thin Ice Fuckers
PERSON A: Let this be a warning to both you
Connor
i get it you didn't have to make a chat
Carmie
Thin ice?
Connor
he knows that we know
Carmie
you mean we aRE RIGHT?!
Like I thought so but to have confirmation???
Connor
i know!!!
PERSON A: Carmie do I need to repeat threats I gave to Connor?
Carmie
I'm not going to say shit Cap.
Connor named the group chat 3 Bisexuals
Carmie
Wtf??
Carmie named the group chat 2 Bisexuals and a Hostage
Carmie
Did you forget that I'm straight?
Connor
oops yeah
PERSON A: You both are strange
PERSON A: If I leave this chat you will add me back?
Connor
yup
Carmie
Oh yeah
PERSON A: Fuck me
Connor
no thanks i don't need hollzy to kill me
Carmie
Lol
Connor
June 20 4:01 PM
PERSON A: You okay if I tell Shane about you?
Person B: ???? why
PERSON A: He needs to know that someone knows
PERSON A: You being bi might help
Person B: oh yeah sure
Person B: hollzys cool and we all have the same secret right?
PERSON A: Yes. He can be trusted
Person B: cool yeah
My Janya
June 20 4:12 PM
PERSON A: Hey Shane
Person B: I'm not telling you how to un-fix your phone.
PERSON A: No not that
PERSON A: I have something to tell you and I need you to try not to freak out
PERSON A: But if you do freak out, call me
Person B: This isn't making me feel calm.
Person B: What happened?
PERSON A: So remember how one of my teammates came out to me?
Person B: Yeah?
PERSON A: Well that was Connor. He's bi
Person B: And you are telling me… why?
PERSON A: Because he connected dots and knows that you are Jane
PERSON A: But it is okay
Person B: Shit
Person B: Fuck Roz
PERSON A: No, is okay
PERSON A: We all have same secret yes?
Person B: And when he lets it slip to someone?
PERSON A: He won't Shanya. He's good
Person B: What if someone else figures it out?
PERSON A: Ahh well...
Person B: What?
PERSON A: I do not think Connor was brains of the operation
Person B: Who else Ilya?
PERSON A: Carmichael knows
PERSON A: About us and Connor
PERSON A: And Connor's Blake maybe? Idk what's going on there I'm not asking
Person B: Shit fuck fuck
PERSON A: You are freaking out
Person B: No shit Ilya!
Person B: Two of your teammates know about us!
Person B: Isn't Connor like fucking 18?
PERSON A: He is 22 I think?
Person B: Same fucking thimg
PERSON A: He will keep secret
PERSON A: It is all okay
PERSON A: Shanya?
PERSON A: Shane?
Yuna, David, & Lily
June 20 4:51 PM
PERSON A: Hey are you near Shane's cottage?
Yuna
Yes, we live about ten minutes away.
Why?
PERSON A: I think he is having panic attack. Can you go check on him?
David
Yuna left to go check on him.
PERSON A: Thank you
PERSON A: She will be discreet?
David
Yes, she will be.
Can you tell me what happened?
PERSON A: Uhh a couple of my coworkers figured out me and Shane
PERSON A: They won't tell anyone
PERSON A: One of them is bisexual too
David
Like you?
PERSON A: ... Yes?
David
It's alright. Thank you for telling me.
PERSON A: That is not how my father would have handled that
NAME
Well, good thing I am not him, son.
How will he react, if you don't mind me asking?
PERSON A: He won't
PERSON A: Shane did not tell you my father died?
David
No, he didn't. I'm sorry
PERSON A: Is okay. That's why Shane was on family emergency in March. He came to see me after the funeral
David
Shane must have thought that was your business to share and not his.
PERSON A: Yes, you raised Shane good like that.
David
Thank you.
PERSON A: Did I do wrong by telling Shane that they know?
David
No, you did the right thing. Keeping secrets like that will infect a relationship.
PERSON A: Infect? Like disease?
David
Like tarnish, weaken, cause cracks in
Your English has gotten so much better, I forgot you're ESL
PERSON A: ESL? And yes, Shane put auto-correct on my phone and refuses to help me take it off
Yuna
Shane is okay. Just a small panic attack.
I'm making him tea right now.
PERSON A: Thank fuck
PERSON A: Sorry
David
I'm glad he's okay.
Yuna
Thank you for telling us, Lily (you can curse, you know? We're all adults)
PERSON A: Yes (seems wrong?)
David
(it's not)
My Janya
PERSON A: Shanya?
PERSON A: Shane?
June 20 6:03 PM
Person B: I'm back.
PERSON A: You okay?
Person B: Yeah my mom happened to be in the area and stopped by.
PERSON A: Ahh
PERSON A: Good I thought you were freaking out
Person B: Nope just talking to her.
Person B: … Are you sure Connor won't say anything?
PERSON A: He won't
PERSON A: You are not worried about Carmie?
Person B: Carmichael is our age and not on social media
PERSON A: Ahh you googled them
Person B: Shut up
PERSON A: You do not need to worry. I will prove
My Janya and Connors
June 20 6:14 PM
You created a group chat with My Janya and Connors.
PERSON A: Connors, Jane wants to make sure you do not tell anyone
My Janya
That doesn't mean put me in a fucking group chat with him Rozanov!
Jane left the group chat.
You added Jane to the group chat.
PERSON A: Do not leave Janya
Connors
😶 what did i walk in to?
PERSON A: Tell him you will not tell people
Connors
oh yeah hollzy i won't say shit
My Janya
Do not call me Hollzy in this chat, are you fucking crazy?
Connors
sorry sorry
wiat this is kinda a gay nhl group?
My Janya
No
Connors
we should add scott hunter
PERSON A: NO
PERSON A: Old man doesn't know about group chats
PERSON A: Too old and ugly for us
My Janya
You told me Hunter was hot like three weeks ago 🙄
PERSON A: Lies. Lies from a liar who lies
My Janya
Fuck off Rozanov
Connors
did he really say that?
My Janya
Yes, to me, in text, during the Cup Final.
[Image: screenshot of text messages between phone owner and Lilyusha]
Connors
holy shit he has reciepts!
My Janya
This is not a receipts? It's a screenshot?
PERSON A: Whoa whoa what is that contact name?
My Janya
Fuck
PERSON A: You had me in your phone as Lily at the cottage???
PERSON A: You had me as Lilyusha before?
My Janya
I changed it when you came over so you wouldn't see it…
PERSON A: Aw my Janya calls me her Lilyusha
My Janya
Go suck a dick.
PERSON A: Homophobia
Connors
Lily?
PERSON A: I am Lily, he is Jane
Connors
… you might want to rethink those code names
My Janya
Why?
Connors
you both are idiots
J.J. spent the first few nights pissed off.
For years, he'd considered Shane Hollander a close friend. They sweat together, they bleed together, they win and lose together. For years, J.J. spent more time with Hollander than his own family — practices, film review, bus rides, plane rides, games, hotel rooms. Hundreds and hundreds of hours.
So, finding out that Hollander was gay and in a relationship with Ilya fucking Rozanov? That felt like a betrayal of the highest order. He cried a few tears of frustration, drank a few drinks in anger.
Having a theory and being proved right were two totally different things.
When the feelings passed, J.J. began to think critically.
1. Shane Hollander and Ilya Rozanov were together
2. Assuming Ilya Rozanov was Lily, this had been going along for years
3. Before Scott Hunter a few short weeks ago, there had never been an out gay player in the NHL
4. There were obviously many more gay players in the NHL hiding who they were
J.J. knew the NHL wasn't a very welcoming environment. Cocksucker, faggot, fairy, and a plethora of other homophobic slurs passed between the players every game. J.J. himself used those words several times over the years.
Did Shane not know that he would support him? Did he take his trash-talk on the ice as fact of J.J. character? Was this his fault?
If it was his fault, how could he repair this?
Captaine
June 28 10:15 AM
PERSON A: Hey captaine
PERSON A: Want to grab a drink in Montreal when you're back?
Person B: I don't drink J.J.
PERSON A: Dinner then, you and me? My treat
Person B: Yeah, that'll be cool. I'll let you know when I'm free
July 11 12:25 PM
PERSON A: Pride parade in Montreal August 9
Person B: And?
PERSON A: We should go. Show our support for the community.
Ilyusha
July 11 12:36 PM
PERSON A: Why is J.J. asking me to go to the Montreal Pride Parade?
PERSON A: Do you think he knows?
PERSON A: Did Connors say something?
Person B: Hey stop spiraling
Person B: Connors didn't say anything. What did JJ say?
PERSON A: That we should support the community? Which is bull fucking shit.
PERSON A: I have heard that man say more slurs on the ice than any other person.
Person B: I thought you put a stop to that?
PERSON A: As much as I can. Before, he used to say shit nonstop.
Person B: Maybe he knows someone who came out? Maybe he's growing
PERSON A: ...
Person B: Marly and Connors are going to Boston pride
PERSON A: Really? That's not... I don't know, suspicious?
Person B: Marly's sister is lesbian, so some of the team always goes to support
Person B: would go if not for Russia
PERSON A: I know you would Ilyusha...
J.J.
July 11 12:25 PM
PERSON A: Pride parade in Montreal August 9
Person B: And?
PERSON A: We should go. Show our support for the community.
PERSON A: After Scott Hunter, maybe we should show more support
Person B: I don't know what Scott Hunter has to do with me.
PERSON A: You're the only captaine I know who banned slurs on the ice
PERSON A: You hold us to a higher standard
Person B: So you want me to be the upholder of the whole NHL?
PERSON A: I just thought it might be nice mon ami
PERSON A: Show people that hockey is for everyone
Person B: I'll think about it J
PERSON A: 😄
Hayd Hayds
July 11 12:44 PM
PERSON A: You are coming with me and Shane to Montreal pride
Person B: i am?
PERSON A: You are coming with me and Shane to Montreal pride
Person B: i am a good ally!
Person B: ill be the best ally in all of pride
PERSON A: Good
Yuna Hollander enjoyed many things in life. A good tea, a good book, a good schedule, and control in any situations she found herself in.
By the age of four, Yuna knew her son was different. He refused to make eye contact and words were nowhere on his radar. Even at that age, hockey was his sole focus.
By age seven, Shane's teachers pulled her into a meeting to advise her to get her son professionally evaluated. She stormed out of the school with angry tears in her eyes. Yes, her son was different, but that didn't mean he needed professional help. She knew how to help her own son, thank you very much.
By the time Shane turned fourteen, she suspected her son was different in ways that Autism didn't cover — though upon further research, Yuna found that Autistic individuals were eight times more likely to be asexual or queer. Shane showed little interest in girls. Even when he turned seventeen and dated for the first time, a sweet girl named Jessica, Yuna doubted his interest.
So, by the time Shane turned twenty-five, Yuna pretty much knew her son was represented on the pride flag, in some way or form.
After Shane's impromptu coming out, Yuna did what she knew to do: research and planning. She revised his contracts to protect him in case the public found out. She drafted NDA documents.
On the mother's side of it, she researched meals for the mysterious Russian guy her son was "not seeing." She read up on Russian gay laws — and tried not to throw up as she read accounts on what happened to queer individuals on Russian land — and copied down Russian recipes for the off-chance she might get to cook for her son's special guy.
It was one night, late June, that Yuna found herself hunched over a special journal she bought for these recipes. Her phone played the podcast In The Crease as she browsed FaceBook cooking blogs.
"…and what about that Ilya Rozanov this season? He was on a tear, then left suddenly on family leave following his father's death in March. Everyone expected him to come back distracted and slower, but he came back energized and hungry! His shots on goal went up three percent…"
Yuna froze her scrolling and navigated to her Spotify app. Did she hear that right?
"….left suddenly on family leave following his father's death in March."
Yuna frowned and thought back to her own son, her own hockey player. When Shane suddenly went to Boston on "family leave" despite there being no family anything. In March.
She also thought back to last week and a certain text chain where Lily revealed his dad died. In March.
Just when Shane went to Boston.
Just when Ilya Rozanov's dad died.
Yuna sat there in stunned silence before she shook her head. Coincidences happened in life. Thousands of people die everyday. The odds that her Shane Hollander went to Boston to comfort Ilya Rozanov was laughable.
She switched to an easy listening playlist since she obviously listened to too much hockey, and continued on her search for Russian cuisine that fit in her son's performance diet.
Ilyusha
July 14 2:03 PM
PERSON A: I'm bored
PERSON A: Hollanderrrrr
PERSON A: If you have minute send me sexy pic
PERSON A: If you are busy send one anyway 😉
PERSON A: Hmm I can just picture your abs and your freckles and your chest hair 🥵
PERSON A: And I would look at your picture while I slide my hand down my pants
Person B: I am at a photoshoot!
Person B: I'm not sexting you right now!
PERSON A: Ah Janya!! So you can send pic?
Person B: Go look at that one photo Connors kept looking at last season
PERSON A: ☹️ That was just rude
Person B: Then wait until I get home.
July 14 2:55 PM
PERSON A: You home?
July 14 3:31 PM
PERSON A: ????
July 14 4:15 PM
Person B: You're incorrigible.
PERSON A: Janya! Does this mean you are home?
Person B: Yes Lilyusha.
Person B: Do you want a picture or to FaceTime?
PERSON A: Let me get my phone charger hold on
July 16 9:19 AM
Person B: Fuck
Person B: I can't tell if I should be fucking pissed or thankful for my mother right now
PERSON A: What happened?
Person B: She's redid all my contracts to add a clause that (in a very complicated way) makes it so sponsors can't part ways with me if my sexuality comes to light.
Person B: Does she think of anything but fucking hockey sponsors?
PERSON A: Hey hey
PERSON A: Maybe she is just looking for you, yes?
Person B: Ilya, I want to yell right now, not have you try to rationalize things
PERSON A: Okay okay
PERSON A: I can't believe she did that!
Person B: I know!
Person B: (Thank you)
PERSON A: (Anytime 😘)
July 20 1:28 AM
PERSON A: You up?
Person B: Yes
PERSON A: Did I wake you?
Person B: I'm up now, that's what matters. What's up?
PERSON A: It's fine. Go back to sleep.
Person B: I'm calling you, pick up.
July 20 3:06 AM
Person B: I know you fell asleep on the phone, but I want you to know your mom would be really proud of you Ilyusha. Really fucking proud.
Person B: Спи спокойно, подсолнечник.
July 25 6:46 PM
PERSON A: Apples or oranges?
Person B: Apples are high in sugar, oranges are high in citus acid.
PERSON A: But which?
Person B: Neither?
PERSON A: Oh my god you are so boring
Person B: Fuck off.
PERSON A: Fuck you 😉
Person B: I'm at dinner with my parents. I'll call you when I get in the car.
PERSON A: Car phone sex??? 🥵
Shane ended up attending Fierte Montreal on August 9th with Hayden, J.J., and Taylor. The streets were a little too loud for Shane’s preference, but then again, Shane’s preference for an afternoon would have been to spend it at home alone or with Ilya.
Pride banners blew in the breeze, rainbows plastered everywhere, and people of all kinds flooded the streets. Shane saw every kind of individual: young, old, people in plain clothes, people decked out in multi-color attire, kids with rainbow headbands, an elderly couple with rainbow facepaint.
Generally speaking, Shane felt very much as an outsider. Yes, he was gay, but he didn’t know gay history. He didn’t understand the different colors on the various flags or what they stood for; he didn’t understand most of the posters held in the parade; he didn’t understand why a good portion of the men – and women – chose to walk around shirtless.
This was his community, but yet Shane felt like an imposter observing a celebration he had no part of.
“I thought pride month was June?” Taylor half-shouted over the blaring sounds of the parade.
“They changed the parade in two-thousand and seven because of scheduling,” J.J. shouted back. “Fierte Montreal Festival is a ten-day celebration and they end it with the parade.”
Taylor nodded his head and prompty got distracted by a guy in a brightly patterned and unbuttoned shirt who handed him a beaded necklace. “Oh! Thank you!” He took the beads and wrapped it around his neck with a wide smile.
Shane swallowed hard as he accepted a necklace from the same man. The plastic beads felt heavier than lead in his hands, the symbolism carrying its own weight.
Not everyone here was gay – or bisexual or lesbian or transgender or any of the other represented sexualities Shane saw on signs and shirts and flags. There were parents with their queer kids, allies marching alongside their friends. J.J. reminded him several times the last few days that being here wasn’t an automatic death sentence.
Well, he didn’t use the term “death sentence” but that’s how Shane heard it.
That’s the fact Shane tried to focus on as he saw all the cameras from supporters and reporters alike; everywhere he looked, there seemed to be a dozen cameras filming the celebration.
People would know he attended today. There’s no way he wouldn’t be recognized.
Shane pressed his toes into the soles of his tennis shoes, a grounding action that he used when he got overwhelmed in locker rooms and during media. He pressed the pad of his thumb to the tip of his pinkie. Breathe, he chanted to himself.
To his own surprise, he didn’t fall into a panic spiral. He stayed present. Therefore, he was all too there when the news reporter ambushed them.
“Hi, I am Sophie Clark with CBC Montreal News.” A mic was shoved in Shane’s face. “I think we are all rather surprised to see NHL players here with us today. Is this a statement you four are making, maybe for Scott Hunter who famously came out just a couple months ago?”
Shane swallowed hard. He hated media, and he hated it more when he didn’t have time to draft a response beforehand. But he plastered on a smile and shrugged his shoulders once. “We’re just out here showing our support for the community. Pride nights are something that the league puts on, but we thought that we should show the LGBT community that they are supported. J.J. and I are actually matching donation contributions today, to show our support.”
“But does this have to do with Scott Hunter?”
God-fucking-damnit. “What Scott Hunter did was brave and I am looking forward to see him on the ice next season, but no, this doesn’t have to do with Hunter. SomeBoston Raiders have been going to pride events for years. We thought it was time to prove that Boston isn’t better than us, just like we do on the ice.”
Once they managed to get away from the reporter, Hayden turned to him with a confused look. “How’d you know that Boston goes to pride?”
“It’s common knowledge.”
Taylor shook his head. “No, it’s not. I mean, it’s common knowledge that Boston has a big gay community, but not that any of the players actively participate.”
Shit. Shane tried to think of a lie to explain information that Ilya had given him personally. He didn’t want to out Marleau’s sister – and how would Shane know that tidbit of information too?
“Mon amis, you need to pay attention! I knew this too.”
Shane raised his eyebrows at J.J. before he forced his face blank. J.J. knew about Boston?
Taylor and Hayden shared a glance before they both shrugged their shoulders like “yeah, that makes sense.” They both get pulled into watching a float pass by with a drag queen performing on the top.
Shane followed along, keeping with his grounding exercises, but his mind wasn’t on the drag queen’s rather impressive show. No, his thoughts were on J.J. and Boston Raiders and another pride parade that happened five hundred miles away two months ago.
Because… Why did it feel like purposely J.J. covered for him?
My Janya
August 9 10:13 PM
PERSON A: How was pride?
Person B: Very loud and crowded.
Person B: Do you know what drag queens are?
PERSON A: Ha
PERSON A: Yes Hollander. Do you not?
Person B: I do now!
PERSON A: Get cultured
PERSON A: I will send you YouTube links. They do good makeup
Person B: I do not do makeup help
PERSON A: But imagine you in makeup 🔥💀
Person B: Why is the emoji dead?
PERSON A: I died from how hot you would be
PERSON A: You should put makeup on and FaceTime me
Person B: I don't own makeup?
PERSON A: Boo
Person B: Are my glasses and freckles not enough?
PERSON A: No no they are
PERSON A: Call me :)
August 9 10:13 PM
PERSON A: [Image: Ilya skating in an empty rink, most of the lights are off and the ice is smooth]
PERSON A: Training is lonely
Person B: But how good is it to have that clean ice to yourself?
PERSON A: Pretty good, yes
August 12 7:57 AM
Person B: [Image: A Mirror selfie of Shane in his home gym. His face is red and there’s a sweat outline on his shirt collar]
Person B: You're not the only one training
PERSON A: Oh? You do this to me before 8am?
Person B: Are you still in bed?
PERSON A: Yes because it is before 8am
Person B: I'm going to win the scoring race this year and I will remind you of this moment.
PERSON A: Blah, whatever
PERSON A: You have enough stamina left for me to fuck you??
Person B: Do I look that tired?
Person B: Hold on, let me wash off first.
PERSON A: You need to wash before you get dirty again?
Person B: I can fuck myself alone, you know?
PERSON A: No no I will wait
PERSON A: Grab your purple dildo
Person B: Obviously.
August 16 2:51 PM
Person B: Can you e-sign this form?
PERSON A: Done
Person B: Great. My mom is getting more things set up for the Foundation, I'll let you know if I need another signature
PERSON A: Anything I can do?
Person B: No, she has it for now.
PERSON A: Let me know
August 17 8:35 AM
PERSON A: So I was thinking about the foundations camps structure
Person B: Give me a second and I'll call you.
August 21 7:22 PM
Person B: When is training camp for you?
PERSON A: I go in on the 6th
PERSON A: You?
Person B: Same. Med evals and veterans join on the 16th
PERSON A: Ah so we have same schedule this year
Person B: Yup seems so
September 2
Shane shifted from foot to foot as he stood on the doorstep of Ilya Rozanov's Boston home. He had the code, he knew the way in, but he didn't want to give his rival a major heart attack.
He rang the doorbell and a minute later a mess of curls poked his head through the door.
"Shane?" Ilya looked from side to side before he focused back to Shane himself. "What are you doing here?"
"Hey," Shane said lamely. Fuck this was a bad idea."Sorry, if you're busy I can…"
Can what? Go back to a hotel that Shane didn't book? Go back to Montreal?
"No, no." Ilya opened the door wider and ushered Shane inside. Once the door closed, Shane felt Ilya grasp his face and kiss him long, hard, and sweet. "You surprised me. Good surprise."
Shane smiled widely. These last two and a half months felt more like two and a half years. To touch and kiss Ilya now…
Fuck he was in trouble.
He forced himself to take a step back from Ilya's intoxicating presence, trying to come to his senses. "So, uh…" Shane fumbled through the cross-body briefcase he brought with him. "I need you to sign these documents for the foundation."
"Of course."
"You should probably read over-"
"Shane, you say sign, I sign. I trust you."
"Oh, well… Good. So, you know, my mom is helping with the foundation."
"Does she know-"
"About us? No, no. But she's wondering about the reason behind the foundation and…" Shane bit his lip and shook his anxiety out. "I haven't told her about your mom. I just didn't feel right telling her."
"Oh," Ilya whispered. "That is okay. She's going to work for the foundation, yes? She should know. Everyone will when we go public."
Shane nodded slowly. "I thought we could do a FaceTime meeting with her, introduce you two and go over details."
Ilya took a deep breath and seemed to square his shoulders. "When do you want to call her?"
“Later.” Shane let his eyes wonder up and down Ilya’s body. Fuck, two and a half months was a long time. Had Ilya always looked so damn edible?
“Later?”
“Definately later.”
They barely made it to the bedroom before their clothes fell to the floor, forgotten even to Mr. Folds-Clothes-Before-Sex-Hollander. Desperate hands slid over hairy chests and stomachs, mouths attached to skin.
Ilya pushed Shane onto the bed and followed on his knees. “Up,” he said breathlessly, tapping Shane’s knee. Shane obliges and lifts his legs up until Ilya gave a satisfied nod.
“Hold here and stay.”
Ilya slid further down the bed. Shane, holding his legs like he was told, frowned slightly. This was a new position for him and he didn’t know what Ilya-
“Fuck!”
Ilya licked his tongue across the rim of his asshole.
Shane moaned in pleasure as he did it again. All thoughts of cleanliness and self-consciousness quickly passed out of his mind as Ilya continued his exploration of Shane’s hole.
Shane held on to the back of his thighs with a grip hard enough to turn the skin bright white. He didn’t know being eaten out felt like this, this warmth and- fucking shit, Ilya added a lubed up finger alongside his tongue.
Shane involuntarily jerked his hips forward to the point that grasp slipped from his thighs.
Ilya popped up from between Shane's legs, his lips glistening with spit and his favorite strawberry lube. "I told you to keep your legs up, yes?"
Shane's chest rose and lifted in time with his labored breathing. "Yes, but-"
Ilya smacked a hand against his sensitive thigh. "No buts. Be good, hold yourself up and open, and maybe you will get to come once I'm done with dinner."
Shane bit his lip hard to keep a pathetic moan escape. Fuck, he loved when Ilya treated him like this, like a toy for him to enjoy with Shane's own pleasure a mere afterthought.
With Shane back in position, Ilya lowered his head again.
Ilya ate ass like his life depended on it for sustenance and Shane was the only meal he thrived on.
Shane barely lasted five minutes.
Yuna sipped her hot tea gingerly, the bergamot and honey aroma relaxing her shoulders. Some random sitcom played on the TV in front of her as she clicked through hockey news sites on her iPad.
With training camps starting for the NHL in a week, there's many potential new players entering the playing field. Yuna liked to catch up on them, look at their college or AHL stats if they had either, and make notes on the most likely add-ons to various teams.
She was just researching a Boston drafted player who just graduated college when her iPad rang with a FaceTime request.
"Hey, Shane! How are you?"
Shane on the screen smiled, but it didn't quite reach his eyes. "Hey, mom. You have a few minutes for a foundation meeting?"
Yuna sat up straight and immediately muted the TV she wasn't paying attention to. "I have time. Let me- Wait, where are you?"
"I'm down in-"
Shane cut himself off as another figure came into view of the camera, wide chest and tan arms with a familiar green can in his hand.
"I got you ginger ale for the meeting," the Russian voice said as he sat beside Shane at whatever table he's sat at.
Yuna Hollander knew this man, though not personally. On television, he was all cocky smiles, menacing teeth, and snarky remarks. She's even met him a few times in person where he was the same with an added touch of arrogant-derived awkwardness.
Ilya Rozanov.
Except, this was not the TV-Ilya Rozanov she knew. Something about him was decidedly… different.
"Mom, you know Ilya. Rozanov. Ilya, you know my mom."
Rozanov nodded once and offered her a small smile through the screen. If she wasn't mistaken, Yuna would guess he was nervous. "It's nice to meet you officially, Mrs. Hollander."
If Yuna had to guess what today's events would have included, meeting Ilya Rozanov on FaceTime with her son by his side — at what looked like Ilya's Boston home — would not have breached the top hundred possibilities. If you had suggested such an event, Yuna would have laughed herself hoarse.
But, in the back of her mind, her thoughts nearly three months ago in June came back to her. Russian, dead father in March, Boston. The links she forged a connection between before dismissing the crazy speculation.
Maybe not so crazy after all.
Yuna sat there as the FaceTime elapsed time ticked up.
"Shane, why am I meeting Rozanov over the phone? And are you in Boston right now?"
"Ilya," Rozanov offered quietly.
"Ilya, then."
"Uh," Shane cleared his throat. "You wanted to know about the reason for the foundation, right? Ilya is the other co-founder, so you two needed to meet anyways."
"Ilya is the other…" Yuna managed to gather her composure quickly. "I'm sorry, I just didn't realize that you and Roz- Ilya were so close."
"We're friends," Shane supplied. Such a simple explanation for something that turned Yuna's understanding on its head.
That's Shane's lying face, her mind told her. The corner of his mouth twitched minutely. Shane and Ilya weren’t friends. But why lie unless…
She needed to be professional about this. Yuna nodded slowly, pulled her hockey-stats journal into her hands, and flipped to a new page to take notes. "Okay, tell me more about the foundation you two are starting."
"Shane had the idea to call it The Irina Foundation," Ilya started," after my mother."
Yuna took notes as Ilya talked — with some additions from Shane as well — about Irina and what they hoped to achieve with the charity.
She'd be lying if she said she didn't inconspicuous wipe her eyes a couple times. She wanted to wrap her arms around Ilya.
If Ilya really was Lily…
She should have attempted a Russian meal this past summer. She should have given that little bit of home back to him. It was such an odd thing to have regrets over, but it stuck to her like dark, staining oil.
Yuna managed to keep her expression calm and collected until the meeting drew to a close after an hour. Together, they settled on a draft of the mission, vision, and value statements. Yuna made notes to organize the website they would eventually start designing and how which charities they prioritized working alongside.
She turned her iPad off once they hung up.
Ilya Rozanov. Ilya Rozanov.
Ilya.
Lily.
Yuna barked a dry laugh into the empty living room. Fuck, they would both be in deep shit if anyone in the league found out. Ilya more so, assuming he played with a Russian visa.
Spurred from that thought, Yuna unlocked her iPad to start researching NHL policies and procedures that could impact the two boys. Her two boys, whether they realized she knew yet or not.
Raiders Stay #1
September 5 9:06 AM
Price was removed from the group chat.
PERSON A: Training camp for you fuckers start the 16th in Wilmington
PERSON A: Everyone be on time and be ready for med evals
PERSON A: Unless you were idiots this summer and will not pass drug test
Marly
We got it Cap
Simon
I thought you’d be in a better mood after seeing your girl this week
Connors
wait jane was here???
Carm
What?
Marly
Get it Rozzy!
PERSON A: How the fuck do you know this?
NAME
I pass your house everyday dude
I saw a rental SUV outside your house that you would never rent
PERSON A: Ahh
PERSON A: Yes, Jane visited me before season starts
PERSON A: She just left
Marly
Next time let us know and we can plan a team event man!
PERSON A: She will never do that
Connors
September 5 9:29 AM
Person B: man i could of come over to meet him!
PERSON A: He will never do that
PERSON A: Do not talk to my Shane
Person B: oooo MY shane
PERSON A: I will tell management to trade you
Person B: you hold no authority 😀
PERSON A: I will buy team to trade you. Do not test Russians.
Voyaguers Team Chat
September 5 9:12 AM
Andy was removed from the group chat.
Wilson was removed from the group chat.
PERSON A: Reminder that the team Training Camp for vets starts on the 16th. Be ready for medical evaluations and no one better fail the drug test this year. We’ll stay in Montreal again this year
PERSON A: If you have any questions, call or text me and I can try to help.
PERSON A: I’m about to get on a plane back to Montreal, so those questions will have to wait a couple hours.
Drapeau
where you at Cap?
Pike
??? you left montreal?
PERSON A: I went to Boston for some business this week. On my way back now.
Cormeau
So we’re calling Lily business now, eh?
Andropov
you americans make me lose brain cells
Cormeau
Oi!
J.J.
Non! We are (mostly) Canadians motherfucker!
Andropov
canada is in america, yes?
Pike
what?
Drapeau
America and Canada are two different countries you idiot
Andropov
no, america is continent. usa is country
you are american because you are in america continent
Taylor
... wait
Pike
i'm confused
Andropov
that is not hard to do to americans
Coulliard
Shut up, Povvy
We’re talking about Lily right now
PERSON A: No, we aren't.
Cormeau
I’m curious, has your parents met her? Did you meet her parents?
PERSON A: I don’t know how that’s your fucking business
PERSON A: And both her parents are dead
Drapeau
damn
J.J.
Cormy!!
Cormeau
Fuck sorry I had no idea!
PERSON A: We live in different countries and have very opposite schedules. Even if I wanted to date her, it’s not like I have any time available to see her all the way in Massachusetts and she’s on a work visa, so she could fly back to Europe any minute. Which is why we are causal hook-ups and we both understand that that’s all it can be.
J.J.
September 5 9:41 AM
Person B: Hey, mon ami, are you okay?
PERSON A: I'm fine.
PERSON A: I’m just done with them insinuating that we’re more when we fucking aren’t.
Person B: Would you want to be? If you didn’t play hockey with bad schedules?
PERSON A: Yes.
PERSON A: Fuck forget I sent that.
PERSON A: I have to board my plane.
Person B: Shane
Person B: It’s okay. I won’t tell anyone if you don’t want me to
PERSON A: … I think I would give hockey up for her.
PERSON A: If it came down to it.
Person B: And that’s okay. That’s normal
Person B: Do you think Pike would not choose his wife and kids over hockey? Povvy too?
PERSON A: It’s different. They’re married.
Person B: It all starts somewhere, mon ami
Hayden
September 5 9:42 AM
Person B: hey you okay man?
PERSON A: I’m good. I’m just in a bit of a mood I guess.
Person B: it sucks when i leave jackie
PERSON A: What?
Person B: when i leave for a roadie or camp? It fucking sucks and i always kinda want to bite someone’s head off
Person B: i know you two aren’t together, but it must suck knowing you won’t see her for a few months
PERSON A: You’re right. It does suck.
Shane sat in his first class seat with his baseball cap angled low and Ilya’s black hoodie pulled high on his neck. He flipped his phone over in his hands as he fought with himself inside his mind:
He doesn’t want to hear from you. Yes, he does. He said he had captain duties to do today. That doesn’t mean he can’t receive a text. You’re just convenient to him. He sent you a kiss emoji a month ago. That emoji was just a ploy to receive a nude eventually. Probably. That’s stupid.
After a minute, Shane opened his phone and typed a quick message to Ilya. He hit send before he could stop himself.
Ilyusha
September 5 9:47 AM
PERSON A: I miss you already.
Person B: Me too
Person B: Our first game together is in 68 days
PERSON A: Fuck
PERSON A: That seems so long
Person B: Da but we have FaceTime
PERSON A: Yes
Person B: I can call you twice a day if you want me to
PERSON A: Would you?
Person B: Yes
PERSON A: Would you?
Person B: Yes
PERSON A: Even though I’m boring?
Person B: Yes. Boring is good. I love boring.
PERSON A: Oh
PERSON A: Okay, plane is starting to move.
Person B: Fly safe. Text me when you land ♥️
PERSON A: ♥️
Shane turned his phone off with a happy smile he couldn’t seem to force away. He probably looked demented, sitting alone on a plane in an oversized black hoodie and smiling like an idiot. He didn’t even have headphones on.
He didn’t care how he looked. He only had one thought on his mind at that moment: Ilya Rozanov counted the days until they got to see each other again.
He relaxed into his large-but-not-quite-hockey-player-large-enough seat and allowed himself a few minutes to bask in the happiness flooding through his body. Behind his eyelids, the image of a heart emoji danced in his mind.
Chapter End Notes
Notes on the text:
- Ilya is a smart guy. He can figure out how to turn auto-caps and auto-correct off. He's right where he wants to be, don't help him.
- David: not telling your partner things is harmful, but we're not telling him that we're talking rn of course
- Ilya learned how to emoji (I personally do a mix of emojis and emoticons, so Ilya does the same for realism
- Yes, Price was traded out of Boston. I forget WHEN Ryan Price played for Boston, but I thought it was a sneaky addition. Ryan would be too anxious to participate in the chat, so him never showing up in the group messages before makes sense to me
- WE GOT A HEART EMOJI
Chapter 11: Twitter: Montreal Pride
Chapter Summary
Just a couple tweets from pride
Chapter Notes
I tried to add this in the middle of the previous chapter, but it messed up my coding, so here it is
Tweet
tai
@frogsarereallysupercute
Wait why is Shane Hollander at Pride??? Is he, you know?
11:23 AM · 9 Aug
3 Retweets1 Quote Tweet13 Likes
Montreal Hockee @hockeefan2424· 2m ago
nah he went with his team i think
Replies:1 Likes:2
Tweet
Enby Moth
@gaymothsgo
Glad to finally see hockey players supporting the gay community! Fuck homopbia, go Montreal Voyaguers!!
11:55 AM · 9 Aug
17 Retweets1 Quote Tweet66 Likes
Brad @bradgoesfishing· 6m ago
Keep the gay out of fucking hockey. Sports are sports, not genitals
Replies:1 Likes:2
Enby Moth @gaymothsgo· 1m ago
Get fucked Brad 🏳️🌈🏳️🌈🏳️🌈🏳️🌈
Replies:1
Tweet
Montreal News
@wanningzinho
Shane Hollander among other Voyageur players who attended Fierte Montreal earlier today.
“We thought it was time to prove that Boston isn’t better than us,” Hollander said when asked why he showed up to the controversial event.
6:01 PM · 9 Aug
95 Retweets258 Quote Tweet2.3k Likes
Chapter End Notes
Im writing some really smutty fics in the works 👀 if you're interested, you should subscribe to my profile so you can be notified when they're done
Chapter 12: Summer (Cake Edition)
Chapter Summary
Connor and Blake's summer: pride events, family visits, and a phone call.
Hope you all enjoy!
Chapter Notes
I want to give a small CW here at the beginning and I will be updating the tags: This chapter contains scent/sweat kink between Connor and Blake. This will be the only chapter with this kink included. The story kinda got away from me and it manifested itself haha
Anyways, I hope you enjoyed! I teared up a bit at the end. I never expected to be so into Connor Connors and his university boyfriend!
**I am going through and editing to make this story pretty for epub downloads!! This chapter is the first epub-friendly chapter! Thank you for your patience!**
Cap Roz
June 1 11:42 AM
June 1 12:12 PM
Cap Roz: happy pride
Connor: what
Connor: pride for what?
Cap Roz: ohmygosh its pride month
Cap Roz: gay pride
Cap Roz: bisexual pride
Cap Roz: whatever pride you are
Connor: oh yeah i forgot about that
Cap Roz: you are in gayest city and dont know your own month
Connor: im new to this!
Cap Roz: go with marly to parade. he always goes with maria
Marls
June 1 12:12 PM
Connor: hey when is boston parade?
Marls: Parade for what?
Connor: pride
Marls: Oh you want to join us this year?
Marls: It's next week. You have Maria's number? I'll have her text you the details.
Connor: legit i got it
Mariaaaaaa
June 1 1:01 PM
Connor: marrrrrrrrrrrrria
Mariaaaaaa: What does baby gay need now?
Connor: im joining for pride parade this year
Connor: i need details where do i go
Mariaaaaaa: You are?
Connor: youre surprised?
Mariaaaaaa: I thought you would keep a low profile
Mariaaaaaa: But that's stupid and I want you to join us!
Mariaaaaaa: Next Saturday, starts at 11, but come to my place before!!
Connor: we could just meet there?
Mariaaaaaa: And have your outfit embarrass me? Absolutely not
Blake
June 8 10:35 AM
Connor: [Image: Connor mirror picture. He's wearing a black sleeveless tank with black shorts that came to the top of his upper thighs. Glitter covered his hair and a small rainbow had been painted on one cheek.]
Connor: pride parade ready!
Blake: Holy shit
Blake: You're going out like that???
Connor: yeah? is it not good?
Blake: Connor, you're going to give every queer man there a boner
Connor: aww you think I'm pretty? 😉
Blake: Skip the parade and let me take those shorts off you?
Blake: Also, fuck you
Connor: what did i do?!
Blake: I'm trying to write this scholarship essay and now I'm fucking hard
Connor: hahah
Connor: why dont i go to the parade then walk to your place? ill be a little sweaty but i can use your shower
Blake: No shower fuck please
Blake: Okay fuck… I'll see you in a couple hours?
Connor: ill be the one with glitter!
Connor basked in the sounds surrounding him: cheers, laughter, chants, and music playing from various speakers. It wasn't much different than a hockey game, he thought to himself. Even the amount of people flooding the streets seemed to be roughly the same amount.
He and Maria — also decked out in pride gear, glitter, and rainbow face-paint — caught up with Marly, Andrew Cadyn, and Victor St-Simon. Connor's teammates wore less pride and more hockey-bro gear, but the fact that NHL players wanted to come out to support the gay community was a step in the right direction.
"Cliff!" Maria yelled over the music and threw her arms around her brother. "You should have come over like Connor. You look so boring!"
Connor spread his arms out to show off his outfit, posing dramatically to point out the small rainbow on his cheek and the rainbow socks peeping from the top of his tennis shoes. "You could have looked like a less-handsome me, Marly!"
Cadyn rolled his eyes at Connor's antics. "People are going to get the wrong idea, Connors. Take it down a notch."
"And what's the wrong idea?" Connor asked with a judgemental eyebrow. "I don't care if people think I'm gay, Andrew. Let them talk, I'm here to party."
"Hell yeah," Marly said and clapped him on the shoulder. Connor couldn't tell if he was trying to keep the peace or if he genuinely thought partying was a good idea. "Let's fucking party."
No one bothered them as they celebrated alongside the Boston queer community. Actually, if anyone recognized four NHL players in the crowd with rainbow headbands (Marie came prepared), then no one said anything; no one asked for a photo or an autograph (not that Connors has that happen to him, but he's seen it happen to Marly and St-Simon).
Connor basked in the experience of celebrating his sexuality for the first time, even if only one person present knew. He cheered along with the crowd, sang along with the drag queen performances, and caught various rainbow accessories as they were thrown.
One guy — a handsome man with his hair pulled into a bun and a neat beard and a lot of rainbow accessories — even came up to Connor, winked at him, and handed him a rainbow packaged condom. Connor's face turned as red as the sun as he quickly pocketed the condom and tried not to look obvious when he accepted the man's phone number, hiding it along with the condom in his pocket.
He glanced around self-consciously to see if anyone noticed. Marly and St-Simon were too immersed watching the vibrant floats crawl by. Maria stood a few feet away chatting with a girl with pink hair in a crop top — which, go Maria!
Cadyn wasn't focused on any of them. Instead his attention was caught by a few girls walking by, his eyes not very respectful.
Connor came up beside the younger player and wrapped an arm over his shoulders. "You know that you're at a pride parade, right?"
Cadyn scoffed. "Of course. Why else would I have this rainbow headband on?"
Connor nodded slowly. Why did Cadyn even come? To impress their Alternate Captain or did he not understand what this event was? Where was he from? Montana? Utah? Did they not have pride parades there?
Connor gestured to the crowd of people around them. "Assume every person here is gay. Every woman here is lesbian unless she explicitly says she's an ally or bisexual. Understood?"
Cadyn frowned. "Dude, it's not that big of a deal."
"Hey, listen." Connor cuffed him on the back of the neck. Not hard, but enough to make a point. "People come here to have fun with friends. They're not here to get hit on by straight white men. Keep it in your pants, okay?"
Connor let go of his neck before patting Cadyn's shoulder. He was a good kid, barely nineteen and just out of his rookie season. But sometimes, those hormones took the front seat.
Connor kept half an eye on Cadyn the rest of their time at the parade, but nothing happened that he saw. Well, what happened was a wet t-shirt contest with some really fucking hot guys on a float and a gorgeous woman in fishnets passed out stickers advertising a store named True Love Toys.
Thank fuck for being bisexual. He got to appreciate all aspects of the parade.
After a couple hours of dealing with the sun, the guys got hungry and everyone else decided to go get a late lunch at a local favorite. Connor, on the other hand, had plans.
"Connor, come on! A beer on me," Marly offered.
Connor shook his head and waved his Alternate Captain off. "Nah, I'm meeting up with someone. Said I'd be over once we were done here."
Victor St-Simon catcalled him and nudged his arm with an elbow. "Didn't realize you had a chick waiting for you. Get 'em tiger."
Connor's cheeks flared red, his heart quickened. Yes, he was going to get laid, but not with a "chick" like everyone — except Maria — thought and expected. Would Victor's reaction still be the same if he knew that instead of soft thighs and plump lips, hard muscles and scruffy stubble waited for him behind an apartment door just a few blocks away?
Maybe it wouldn't be a big deal; they were at Boston Pride, after all. But there was a reason Ilya Rozanov didn't come out to the team, and that thought made him worried: how would the team react?
He thought he knew how Marly would react: a bit awkward in a men-don't-talk-feelings way, but still supportive.
But everyone else? Especially after some of the comments Cadyn made today?
They were his team, his family, his home away from home. Connor hated that there was something he couldn't tell them, hated feeling that he was lying to them every time he avoided talking about his love life.
He forced himself out of his mind to laugh a bit too loud at Victor. "Yeah. yeah. Can't keep her waiting any longer."
A heavy feeling settled in his stomach at the small lie.
He parted from the group and waded through the remaining parade crowd until he reached the street Blake lived on. His shirt clung to his back with sweat, the rainbow rubber bracelets he'd received from a float stuck to his wrists uncomfortably.
He sighed in relief as he entered Blake's building, the AC a godsend after hours baking in the summer sun. He knocked on Blake's door and two seconds later it opened.
Blake was-
Connor smiled at him. Fuck, he loved Blake in gray sweatpants. His hair was messy in the way that told Connor he had run his hands through it while working on something for school. His scruff was a bit longer than the last time Connor saw him over a week ago.
He was so goddamn hot.
"Hey, you," Connor said with a wink.
Blake looked Connor up and down before he pulled him into the apartment. The door barely slammed shut before Blake's lips crushed against Connor's, desperate and hungry and all-devouring.
"You look," Blake groaned between kisses, "so fucking hot." Blake dropped to his knees and nuzzled his face into the crotch of Connor's shorts. "I fucking love these on you."
Connor's dick stuttered awake at the contact and — fuck — he loved to see Blake on his knees. But he couldn't help but feel a little self-conscious. "Blake, I'm really sweaty-"
"Oh, I know." Blake looked up at him. His eyes were dark, his mouth open as his chest visibly rose and fell. "I know and I don't care. No, fuck. I do care, but in a good way."
Connor raised an eyebrow as his lips slowly slid up in a smirk. "This is turning you on?"
"Fuck yes." Blake pulled at Connor's belt loops and pulled him closer. "Let me? You can use my shower later, just please? Let me fucking smell you and have you like this, Connor."
It took barely a second after Connor nodded his head for Blake to yank open his pants and pull his half-hard dick out into the cool air.
"Shit, Connor," Blake groaned and rubbed his nose into Connor's pubic hair. Connor watched him as he breathed deeply through his nose.
Despite Connor not quite understanding, the reaction from Blake alone made his dick fully erect: Blake sat there, salivating over his sweaty cock before it even touched his lips, moaning into his crotch.
"Blake," Connor gasped and grabbed the back of his head, "I want to fuck your mouth."
"Yes," Blake said with a vigorous head nod. "Please, please fuck me. Fuck my mouth. I want to taste you,God."
Checking off another new experience, Connor thrusted his hips into Blake's mouth. He tilted his head back at the feeling, Blake's warm mouth encompassed his dick, the tip hitting the back of his throat.
It felt… indescribably fucking amazing.
He gripped Blake by the hair and unleashed himself, thrusting his hips back and forth with only the sloppy, wet sounds filling the room.
Way too soon, Connor felt the pressure climbing in his abdomen and he forced himself to pull his cock out of Blake's mouth.
"Fuck, fuck," Connor muttered as he squeezed the base of his dick.
Blake watched him and wiped a hand across his chin. "Quick off the shot?"
"Shut the fuck up," Connor said heatedly and pulled the man up to his feet. "That was-fuck. Get on the couch."
"Couch?" Blake kissed on Connor's neck and fuck his dick was so hard it hurt. "Not the bed, hmm?"
"Whichever will make you fuck me faster," Connor said as he pulled his shirt off. "I need you to fuck me, now."
Connor laid diagonal on the couch with his feet dangling off the end and Blake pressed on top of him. He raked his fingers through Blake's dark hair, enjoying the thicker texture.
"You have glitter on you now," Connor whispers, sleepy and fucked-out.
"Shit, I have glitter everywhere now because of you."
Connor laughed softly and sighed. He wasn't wrong; the glitter Maria put in his hair now covers Blake's couch, pillows, both of their torsos, and Blake's own hair as well.
Connor continued playing with Blake's hair in companionable silence. Until Connor couldn't take it anymore. "That was…"
"Yeah?"
"Shut up," Connor snipped jokingly, a smile on his face. "Amazing."
"It was pretty good." Blake stretched out and laid his head on top of Connor's chest. "We both got fucked."
Connor's poor depleted dick twitched in interest. Quit it, you're done, Connor told it mentally. "We should do that more often."
Blake hesitates, but Connor doesn't really notice it. "We already fuck pretty often."
"We could still manage more, right? Maybe not during the season and semester, but for the rest of the summer." Connor sighed and wrapped an arm around Blake's waist. "That would be nice."
Blake swallowed hard and stayed quiet for a few minutes until he said, "Oh, it's getting late and I have to finish that scholarship… thing."
"Alright," Connor said easily and kissed the top of Blake's head. "Shower with me?"
Blake laughed softly. "And get distracted? You go on ahead, I'll shower later. Besides, you like the water way too cold."
"It's not cold, it's refreshing." It wasn't the first time Connor said that line.
"Whatever." Blake slid off Connor and onto the couch with an eye roll. "Go."
After a cool shower alone, Connor put his clothes back on from earlier. As he slid his shorts up, something crinkled in the pocket. He frowned and stuck his hand in, pulling out the rainbow wrapped-condom and the phone number of the man who gave it to him.
Connor looked at the paper for a long while. It was flattering to receive, yes, but Connor didn't want the number. He had Blake, and after today? Well, it felt like they could really be something.
Connor tore the slip of paper in half before crumbling it up in his palm. He threw it in the bathroom trash on his way out the door, an extra pep in his step.
She-Demon
June 8 6:13 PM
Marly: Maria?
Maria: Yes Cliffy?
Marly: Okay it's been years, you can stop with that nickname.
Maria: No ❤️
Maria: Whatcha want? I'm trying to get glitter off my face
Marly: Why did you dress Connor up like that today? It just seemed a little weird
Maria: Weird?
Marly: He looked less ally and more... community? Idk how to explain
Maria: Look, none of you hockey idiots ever dress up with me! Connor was cool with it, so I put makeup on him and bought him rainbow socks.
Maria: He's not fragile in his masculinity. He's pretty cool to hang with actually
Marly: You hang with him?
Maria: We've bar hopped together before. He's a good wingman
Marly: He's never told me you two hang out?
Maria: Never tell him, but he's kinda cool
Marly: Never. He'll get too cocky on the ice and break his neck
Maria: He would 100%
Blake
June 9 5:59 PM
Connor: hey want to meet up on tuesday?
Blake: I have plans that night
Connor: oh that's cool maybe a different time
June 11 9:25 AM
Connor: friday? we can do my place if you want
Blake: I can come over close to midnight? Have plans earlier
Connor: yeah thats okay
June 16 11:20 PM
Connor: hey you still coming over?
June 16 11:50 PM
Connor: blake?
June 17 12:17 AM
Blake: I'm outside. Open up
Connor: 👍
June 20 6:10 PM
Connor: the new fast and furious is out
Connor: wanna go see it wednesday?
Blake: Why?
Connor: i usually go with my captain but... he might be a little pissed at me?
Connor: he did just threaten me kinda? anyways
Connor: so i thought
Connor: that it would be fun for us to go
Blake: Yeah that sounds like fun. Just want to make sure we're on the same page though
Connor: page?
Blake: That this isn't … a relationship?
Connor: oh yeah yeah
Connor: you dont want a boyfriend i know
Connor: this is just two guys going to an action movie
Connor: who happen to fuck
Connor: no biggie
Blake: Just wanted to make sure
June 23 11:50 PM
Blake: The movie was fun tonight
Connor: yeah! i love those movies
Blake: Hmm
Connor: what?
Blake: Surprised you know what happened
Blake: Since you talked the whole time
Connor: oh shut up!
Blake: You're a movie talker!
Blake: I'm not even surprised!
Connor: im going to bed
Connor: byyyye
Blake: Aw come back
June 24 8:52 AM
Connor: god i hate my gym
Connor: where do you go
Blake: BU has a free gym for students
Connor: fuck. you.
Blake: Maybe tonight if you're lucky 😉
Connor: you could send me a picture and i can me lucky right now?
Blake: You're an idiot
Blake: [Image: Blake with the camera angled high. He's shirtless and his sweatpants were pulled low on his hips, revealing some pubic hair above the fabric. Blake had his middle finger up at the camera.]
Connor: fuck
Connor: want to pull thosepants down for nme a little bit meore?
Blake: No 😁
Connor: teasee
Blake: Are you or are you not jerking off right now?
Connor: done
Connor: fuck that was good
Blake: So no sex?
Connor: oh im still down give me an hour
June 29 7:22 PM
Connor: wanna meet up soon?
Blake: I'm pretty busy
Blake: I'll let you know
Connor: ok
Carmie
July 7 3:48 PM
Carmie: Drinks tonight? Feel like I haven't seen you in a while
Connor: shit sorry man ive been a shitty friend
Carmie: I didn't say that
Carmie: What's going on?
Connor: nothing
Carmie: Okay I'm coming over
Connor: what?
Carmie: Well, you're obviously not okay so either tell me what's up or I'll be on your doorstep in thirty
Connor: jesus fuck
Connor: you know ive been seeing this guys blake?
Connor: the sex is great and hes great and all
Carmie: Okay? What's the problem then?
Connor: he doesn't want a relationship
Connor: but i think i do
Carmie: Ahh
Carmie: So what, you've just been sleeping together and getting deeper in your feels?
Connor: basically
Connor: fuck im a mess
Carmie: I'm coming over
Connor: no don't. i don't want a pity party
Carmie: No pity party here. Just two guys chilling with some pizzas
Carmie: And if one of those guys wants to tell the other about his torrid gay love affair, all the better
Connor: jesus fucking christ
Connor: .... hes sooooo hot carmie
Carmie: Woah save it for when I'm there. I'm grabbing the pizzas. You still like your horrendous hamburger, olives, and pineapple?
Connor: yummmmm
Carmie: You're a freak
Connor: this is how you treat me during pride month?
"You should get on Grindr!"
Carmichael and Connor were chilling on the couch, empty pizza boxes and beer bottles littered the coffee table in front of them. Over the last few hours they'd drank enough for them to be a bit buzzed, but not too drunk not to play Mario Cart, of course.
"What?" Connor asked as he collected a mystery item. Blue shell! Score!
Carmie paused the game and ignored Connors groans. "You need to get your mind off Blake. You should sleep with some other guys. You know, take a tour."
"You want me," Connor pointed from his best friend to himself, "to whore around in Boston's gay community?"
"I want you to be happy, Connor. Blake was your first guy, right? Go experience, see other people."
"It… might be nice to have sex when Blake is too busy," Connor allowed, even as his chest caved in. Sex since Blake has been… Well, Blake, with a couple quickies thrown in at the beginning. He didn't want anything else other than Blake.
"Exactly! Can I choose your profile pic?"
Later, after Carmichael had gone home, Connor laid in bed and opened his new Grindr app. Instantly, he was overloaded with how many people popped up on the "Near You" section, in combination with how many messages he already had waiting for him in the inbox.
Maybe the pictures Carmie picked out were too much?
Tyler
1.3 miles away
June 24
Tyler: None of your pictures show your face?
Tyler: You playing hard to get? 😉
6:25 PM
Jack
0.6 miles away
June 24
Jack: hey nice pics
Jack: i can come over to yours if you want me to big boy 😘
6:33 PM
Connor: i dont usually have people over
Connor: but im down to come to yours
Delivered 7:28 PM
Connor: ??
7:36 PM
Chad
2.1 miles away
June 24
Chad: [Image: bad quality dick pic]
Chad: All yours tonight babes 😘
6:31 PM
Juan
2 miles away
June 24
Juan: [Image: dick pic with bad lighting]
Juan: ??
6:47 PM
Jeffery
1.5 miles away
June 24
Jeffery: [Image: dick pic]
6:52 PM
Fin
2.3 miles away
June 24
Fin: Hey, how are you? I like your pics :)
7:05 PM
Connor: hey! im doing good
Connor: sorry first time on grindr
Connor: i like your pictures too. you ski often?
Delivered 7:29 PM
Fin: You're all good haha
Fin: Yeah I ski any time I can. I enjoy the cold and bring active
7:32 PM
Connor: thats cool! ive never been skiing (or snowboarding)
Delivered 7:33 PM
Fin: It's really not that different from ice skating. Have you ever skated before?
7:35 PM
Connor: oh yeah. Boston Common during winter, you know
Delivered 7:35 PM
Fin: If you can skate, you can ski imo
Fin: Sooo? Did you want to meet up? I can come to yours or you to mine?
7:36 PM
Connor: im down to come to yours. just give me the address
Delivered 7:38 PM
NAME: xxxx Cheshire Lane
NAME: I have a dog so don't knock, just text me when you're here
7:41 PM
Connor: here
Delivered 8:04 PM
June 28
Fin: Hey I had fun last week. Hit me up if you want to meet again 😉
3:45 PM
Blake
July 2 1:20 PM
Connor: want to meet tomorrow night?
Blake: I'm visiting my mom right now actually.
Connor: oh okay
Connor: ill see you when your back
Blake: Sure
Jack
3.1 miles away
June 26
NAME: [Image: dick pick]
9:41 PM
Gio
1.1 miles away
June 30
Gio: hey! your pictures are nice🥵 you like the gym?
8:43 PM
Connor: yeah i work out once or twice a day to keep in shape
Delivered 8:53 PM
Gio: dude i love that
Gio: does that stamina transfer to the bedroom???
8:58 PM
Connor: give me your address and we'll find out 😉
Delivered 9:00 PM
Gio: fuck yes
Gio: xxx Applewood Park
9:00 PM
Blake
July 2 1:20 PM
Connor: wanna meet up soon?
Blake: I'm busy this week. Maybe next?
Connor: sounds good
Carmie
July 15 4:11 PM
Carmie: Okay so??
Connor: so...?
Carmie: It's been like 2 weeks since we set up your grindr
Carmie: Have you seen anyone?
Connor: a few yeah
Carmie: And??
Connor: it was okay
Connor: just
Connor: i dont know
Carmie: You want a spark or something?
Connor: im done with meaningless sex
Connor: i slept around with women, im sleeping around with guys
Connor: i just want someone to be home when i get back from a roadie and who i can call after losses
Connor: so yeah i want a spark i guess i dont know
Connor: im not having fun doing what im doing is all
Carmie: You want Blake
Connor: ridiculously so much
Connor: but its not fair to ask him to be in a relationship when he has clearly made his stance known and
Connor: hes out as gay. im not and im not planning to be
Connor: fuck
Connor: im going back home for a few weeks
Connor: i think the distance might help. no texting no meetups
Carmie: That might be a good idea
Carmie: I'm sorry that you're dealing with this.
Connor: thanks for talking it out with me
Connor: and for being so supportive
Carmie: Well duh
Carmie: What would I be? An asshole?
Connor: most of the league would probably
Carmie: You know you have me and Roz in your corner. Hollzy too. Marly will be supportive. Our team would be good
Connor: yeah the raiders would be
Connor: but i might not play in boston forever
Carmie: Wait so you want to date a guy and keep it secret? Like 2 other people we know?
Connor: they have their reasons. itll be the same for me
Carmie: You deserve more than hiding man
Connor: i deserve to be happy
Connor: i dont know what that looks like yet
By the end of the week, Connor stumbled through the screen door of his parent's farm house. He kicked off his boots and set his bag by the dining table.
Despite Connor being the youngest of all his siblings, the house was just as filled as when he left; his sister decided to stay at home through online college, his eldest brother stayed on the property to help with the animals everyday, and Connor's grandpa — his mom's dad — fell on his own farm and moved into Connor's old bedroom shortly after he got drafted.
Which meant a bursting house full of activities for the next two weeks.
"Mom? I'm home!"
Connor's mom appeared from the top of the basement stairs and pulled him into a tight hug. "Oh, Cons! It's so nice to see you!"
Connor's childhood home remained unchanged; the same gingham table cloths, the smell of pecan pie from the kitchen, the open windows with multiple fans circulating air, the smell of farmland in the air.
Tennessee in the summer, Connor's childhood disdain had melted into nostalgia. Now, he missed the heat, he missed feeding the neighbor's donkeys, he missed his mom's sweet tea and home cooked meals.
He loved coming back home. He wished he got to do it more often.
"Hi, momma," Connor said into her shoulder.
"Oh, can I convince you to quit your job and move back home? I'm sure Farmer Lou could use a farmhand again. He never replaced you once you left."
"No, mom." Connor kissed her cheek. This wasn't the first time she's tried to convince him to move back,. despite all the complications that would bring. "Did you get the AC unit I mailed to you?"
His mom waved her hand. "You know your grandpa. He won't have an AC unit in the house. I think the box is down in the basement somewhere."
Well, that explained why his shirt already stuck to his back. "Mom-"
"Don't use that tone, Connor Connors. We survived generations without AC, we'll be fine. Now, let me look at you!" His mom pulled away and inspected him over. She always did this, but this time, she hummed softly. "Something's different about you."
Connor tried a flippant laugh, but it sounded off in his ears. She couldn't visibly see that what he knew now that he didn't know last time, could she? That he liked men and liked getting fucked by men? No. No, definitly not.
"Different? I'm the same boy you raised, momma."
She shook her head and continued to stare at him. "There's somethin'. I don't like that city on you."
Connor kissed her cheek again and picked his bag back up. "I am probably just in need of a good meal and that pecan pie you're baking, momma."
Connor filled his time back home with chores: the roof needed repairs, the barn door needed fixed, one of the tractors refused to run and Connor worked on it for two days before he got it running again. Anytime spent inside was time spent with Mom: baking a pie for the neighbors having a hard time, helping to repair a leaking pipe down in the basement, cooking beside his mom like he used to do as a child.
Anything to keep his mind away from the two b-words: Boston and Blake.
It worked pretty well. Mom's birthday passed and he got to play with his little neice and cousins at the cookout. The farm ran as smooth as any farm could. He tried not to melt in the heat with only fans to help circulate air from the opened windows as he slept on the couch.
Until Blake inevitably texted.
Blake
July 21 3:42 PM
Blake: Hey
July 25 8:29 PM
Blake: Hey want to come by?
July 28 1:59 PM
Blake: Summer's crazy right? We should get a drink.
Connor did pretty good, if he did say so himself. He didn't respond. Hell, he refused to even open the text thread.
But one night, after a couple beers and another guilt-trip from his momma about coming home more often, Connor laid haphazardly on the couch with a fan blowing in his face, he caught the exact second a text message popped up.
And he opened it.
Blake
July 30 10:12 PM
Blake: Hey, can we talk?
Blake: Like in person?
Connor: im in tennessee visiting my family right now
Connor: ill be back in 2 weeks
Blake: Oh, I didn't know that you left Boston
Connor: yeah its my mom's birthday last week and i try to spend a few weeks with her every year
Connor: what did you want to talk about?
Blake: Nevermind it's fine
Connor: Blake?
Blake: No it's silly and I wanted to do it in person
Connor: i can call you?
Blake: Sure
Phone Transcript
Connor: [Muffled sounds of a screen door slamming shut before the audio cleared up] Hey, what's wrong man?
B: Ah [awkwardly] I wanted to talk to you about something.
Connor: If it's another hockey question, you know you can use google right?
Blake: [Weak laugh] Yeah, sure. Um, look, I'm just going to say it, so don't interrupt.
Connor: I don't interrupt!
Blake: You're interrupting right now! [deep breath] I like you, Connor. I know I said that I wasn't looking for a relationship and that I just wanted a casual hook up, but I've started wanting more. With you. And I know it's not what you signed up for, but I would like to go out with you. Properly. Exclusively.
[silence on the line]
Blake: [clears throat] So… That's it. That's what I wanted to say.
Connor: Blake…
Blake: Don't-
Connor: No, just- fuck, okay. Um, I need you to understand something. [phone muffled for a second before becoming clear again] You are out as gay.
Blake: Yes, I know.
Connor: Look who's interrupting now! [short laugh] You are out, but I'm not ready to be. I don't want to say never, because a year ago I would have told you I would never kiss a man. I just mean- hockey is my career and if I come out-
Blake: Scott Hunter did it.
Connor: Scott Hunter is a captain of his team who has a contract with them until the end of his career. I don't have that, Blake. My contract ends next season. If I come out publicly, Boston might not resign me. If they don't resign me, what is the chance that another team would want me? My career could be over.
Blake: So you would choose your career over m- being yourself.
Connor: Blake, I'm not like you. You're at Boston University, doing good in all your classes. I barely graduated high school. If I get blacklisted from hockey, I don't know what I'd do. I know I fuck around and I'm goofy, but I need to be realistic about this.
B: You're more than this sport, Connor.
Connor: Maybe. I don't want to find out though. [deep breath] That's the first thing you needed to know.
Blake: Oh great, there's more.
Connor: [sing-songy] Interrupting.[normal voice] I like you too, Blake. I want to go on dates with you, I want to be exclusive with you. But I don't want you to be stuck half in the closet because I don't want to come out.
Blake: [softly] Oh.
Connor: Yeah. So, that's the thing. I'm sorry, I thought I could handle my feelings alone — because, yes, I do like you too — and not complicate things, but maybe we should just cut things-
Blake: Hey hey, can I talk here?
Connor: [Small pause where just heavy breathing could be heard] Sure.
Blake: I think I get a choice in this. I'm being sarcastic, I definitely do get a choice in this. I don't care if we're out publicly; I don't need you to kiss me on TV or tell reporters that you have a boyfriend you get to see after games. I'm fine with keeping us secret as long as I can tell my mom.
Connor: I can't ask that of you.
Blake: Great thing you're not asking.
Connor: Has anyone told you you're kinda a bitch?
[laughter on the line]
Blake: So? Where does that leave us?
Connor: I don't want you to regret this-
Blake: I won't.
Connor: -so, let's leave it here for now. I'll be back in Boston mid August. Take the nexr week or so to think about this and what we both want, and we'll talk in person.
Blake: Hmm, very responsible of you.
Connor: Hey! I can be responsible.
Blake: Oh, sure. And I'm going to be president next year.
Connor: Bitch.
Blake: You're a child.
Connor: [sing-songy] But you like me.
Blake: I do.
Connor: [quietly] I like you too
Blake: Two weeks?
Connor: Two weeks.
Blake: Text me when you're in Boston.
Connor: Of course.
Blake: Bye, Connor Connors.
Connor: Bye, Blake Thomas.
What do you get a guy to say "Hey, yes, I want to try this relationship with you and I hope you do to"?
Do they have a Hallmark card for that?
A latte? Or in Blake's case, a double shot frappachino?
He settles on flowers. Connor never realized there were so many types of flowers, or that flowers were — news flash — fucking expensive. He stood in the store for a large chunk of time trying to decide. Eventually, he chose a bouquet that he thought might look good in Blake's apartment and hurried to the bar.
Fuck, he was late.
They had agreed to meet at the bar at 8:00 P.M. if they wanted to become more. Boyfriends. Partners.
And it was 8:02 P.M. and Connor was late.
He hurried down the street, jaywalking through traffic, to reach the front doors of the bar. Connor took a deep breath and pushed his hair back.
Either Blake was here or he wasn't.
If Blake was here, he wanted to take the next step, to make them official and exclusive.
Fuck. Fuck. Fuckity fucking shitty fuck.
Connor took a deep breath and willed himself to walk through the bar and to the outside patio in the bar. He scanned the hightops until-
Blake looked more handsome than the last time Connor saw him nearly a month ago. Golden skin, black hair, buttoned-up shirt.
And on the table-
Flowers.
Similar to the same ones in Connor's hand, flowers waited for him on the same table Connor and Blake first had a drink together months ago.
Connor met Blake's eyes. They smiled at each other across the patio, through various couples and friends and servers. They smiled like they were the only two in the world.
Connor took a step, then another, until he reached Blake's side.
"Well, hello there," he said. Fuck, his cheeks already hurt from smiling.
"Oh, sorry, this seats taken." Blake looked around and pursed his lips. "His name's Connor, about six foot, hockey player, has a hot boyfriend. Have you seen him?"
Connor's smile widened more. Boyfriend. He liked the sounds of that.
"Hm, unfortunately not. But I'll gladly take his spot since he's obviously so rudely late."
Blake turned to him and made a show of looking him up then down. He sighed dramatically. "I guess you'll do."
Connor laughed loudly before he pulled the other man into a hug. "Fuck, boyfriends."
"We're both here, aren't we?"
"I got you flowers."
"I got you flowers first." Blake pulled away just to press his lips to Connor's. "Because you're late."
"Sorry, won't happen again, honey."
Blake smacked Connor's shoulder and shoved him all the way off of him. "Absolutely not!"
"Dear?"
"No!"
Connor kissed Blake's temple. "We'll work on it."
Chapter End Notes
Between the text/breadcrumbs:
- Boston Pride Parade is usually around the 8th. I tried to get a pretty accurate timeline
- The shorts Connor wears to the Pride Parade is based on Shane's black short shorts in the montage
- Was Blake being distant after the post-Parade fuck? Sorry, that was their version of Tuna Melt!
- Connor didn't invite Ilya to Fast and Furious because that's the day Ilya and Shane realized Connor and Carmie knew (June 20th)
- I based Connor's family home on my own grandparents' house. My grandpa used to compete in tractor contests. We would spend every summer in their no AC house (because my grandpa believed AC was a sin?) and help upkeep their property or build something for them.
- This is not the end of Cake. They'll be sprinkled through the rest of this story, but we only have a couple more chapters left!!
The next chapter might be a couple weeks. I have 2 challenges that I'm writing for (subscribe to see when they get posted!!) and I need to finish those for the challenge date!
I hope you enjoyed this chapter! I never thought I'd love these idiots like I do!
Chapter 13: September
Chapter Summary
The rest of September <3
Chapter Notes
I am alive.
HUGE thank you to moonlightballerina for betaing. If you haven't read her stuff, you should go check her out!
I also have the next two chapters written, so those will come soon (chapter count updated to 16 oops)
Hope you enjoy!
Small hockey note: I am NOT a hockey expert, and I don't quite understand training camps and pre-season. BUT I do know that not all vets are needed for the beginning of training camp and only a few prospects at the training camp is picked to join the team. That's where we open. If you try to "um, actually" the hockey in this whimsy fic, I will give you a No Whimsy picture of shame. Ily <3
Voyageurs Team Chat
September 15 10:02 AM
Shane added Michaels and Smith
Shane:Everyone welcome our new trade Alec Smith and our new Rookie Issac Michaels!
Michaels
Heya!
Hayden
hey michaels welcome to the nhl
smith good to have you on our side now haha
Cormeau
I might make it through a Tampa game without bruises now
Smith
hey guys. no hard feelings I hope?
Drapeau
Nah you're good man
Olsson
Yeah, work is work. Welcome to the team
Andropov
welcome rookie and smith
Shane:Okay I will see everyone in the tape room tomorrow at 9 AM sharp. They're having us do media training before anything else.
J.J.
Media training?
Drapeau
Already with that shit?
Shane:New media training regarding inclusion and interleague cooperation.
Olsson
So media training regarding Scott Hunter?
Shane:Seems like it. The same rules apply this year: keep fucking slurs out of the rink. Respect the ice or you'll eat it.
Shane:We shouldn't have a problem with media when we do that.
Pike
yes cap
Taylor
yes cap
Laine
Yes Cap
Michaels
Yes Captain! I'll be there!
Voyageurs no cap
September 15 10:48 AM
Cormeau added Michaels and Smith
Cormeau
This is where we go to put our hair down
Drapeau
ha for real
Smith
yeah we had one like this in tampa
Michaels
Secret chat?
Olsson
Just a place for us to chat without Cap seeing
Cormeau
Yeah and he's serious about the slurs too. Dude is super into respecting the rink like its a fucking temple
If he catches you saying one, we'll all be skating laps
Smith
coach lets him? tampa's captain was just for show
Drapeau
Theriault fucking lets him do whatever
J.J.
Lay off Cap a bit. Hollander's the best and he gets results
Cormeau
Yeah the results are a sore body and maybe a Stanley Cup
Issac Michaels set his phone down on the floor before he grasped the barbell again. Let the rest of the Voyaguers talk and complain in their secret group chat; Issac had no interest in it.
He spent his entire life with one goal: get drafted into the NHL.
Last summer, he achieved that goal. Years of sweat and tears and late practices and stupid hazing rituals landed him right where he belonged.
After the draft, his goal reshaped into something new: get on the Montreal Voyaguers' roster in his first season. He refused to get shipped to the farm team, refused to be dismissed as not good enough.
This last year, he worked the hardest he'd ever worked before. Every day, every choice, he made had a connection to hockey. He ate red meat every meal to help him bulk, he weight trained every day to get bigger, he didn't date, and he followed Shane Hollander's famous advice of adding yoga into his workout routine.
Shane Hollander. Hottest hockey player on the ice — in more ways than one.
Issac never thought he'd play on a team with the generational player. He dreamed, yes, but never dared to hope for it. Shane Hollander, a figure on the poster taped in his childhood bedroom. Shane Hollander, who he just spent training camp running drills with.
Shane Hollander, who brought hope to a lonely Issac Michaels back in August.
Issac knew from U9 that in order to play hockey like he wanted — like he needed to — he would need to sacrifice things in his life.
In middle school, he sacrificed sleepovers with his friends because he needed to go to practice at six the next morning.
In high school, he sacrificed his grades, choosing to attend extra practices instead of studying for algebra. Senior year, he spend prom night in the hockey rink running drills instead of dancing with his peers.
Post-NHL draft, Issac gave up everything to prepare for training camp. He needed to be at the top of his game in order to make the roster. He didn't go out, didn't meet up with old friends, didn't date.
Not that he could date who he wanted to date and be in hockey. You can't be queer and in hockey locker rooms. Everyone knew that.
Except Scott Hunter came out after he won the Stanley Cup.
Except the Boston Raiders were seen at the Boston Pride Parade every year.
Except Shane Hollander attended Montreal's Pride Parade a month ago.
Issac wondered if the game was changing, if inclusivity and acceptance were coming. He hoped so. He wanted to go to a gay bar one day — thank fuck Montreal's drinking age was eighteen unlike Minnesota. He wanted to kiss a boy on center ice one da-
A hand fell on his shoulder and caused him to jump out of his skin. "The fuck?" Issac tore his headphones off and looked up at a sheepish looking Shane Hollander.
Oh fuck. He looks hotter in person then his Pelaton ad.
"Sorry, Rook," Shane said with an awkward laugh that Issac wanted to bath in.
"You're fine. What's up?" Yes, perfect Issac. Casual, calm.
"Your form is good," Shane started as he gestured to Issac's left hand, "but you're turning your elbow a little on the lift. Try shifting your wrist- here."
Issac focuses on anything other than Shane Hollander's hand on his arm as the player repositioned his hands on the barbell. Shane's hands were warm, callused. Issac wondered what they would feel like stroking his-
Nope. No. Hollander was his captain now.
"Oh, thanks," Issac managed to say. He did a quick rep and holy shit, the weight lifted easier than any other rep. "That worked!"
"No problem. Glad to have you on the team with us. Let me know if you need any help finding your way around Montreal." Shane walked towards his yoga mat, already set up against the back wall. "Keep skating like you did this week and we won't have any problems."
"Thank you." Keep your fucking mouth shut, Issac. But he never had been good at following smart advice. "You- this summer? That was brave of you."
Shane froze mid-way through the room and turned towards Issac with a small frown. "Brave?"
"The Montreal parade? It… Even going as an ally, that was a brave thing. It means a lot, to have a captain that's okay with- umm, pride stuff."
Shut up. Shut the fuck up.
"Not me, of course!" Issac laughed awkwardly as he tried to cover his own idiotic ass. "I had- have a friend who's queer. And a cousin. Um, a teacher of mine, too. My twin sister. It's nice. For them. To see you supporting the LGBT community. They need support and you looked good- um, it looked nice to see my team represented there."
"Oh… Thank you? It was just- J.J.'s idea to go together and, uh, it was fun, I guess. Lots of noise and people, but…" Shane trailed off awkwardly before he waved a friendly hand. "Let me know if you want that help around town. Welcome to the team, Rook."
Issac watched the star athlete walk away to start his own workout. He silently cursed at himself; his own awkwardness and word vomiting made Shane Hollander, not only his childhood idol and crush but now his captain, uncomfortable enough he had to get away as fast as he could.
Good going, Issac. Fucking great.
While Issac hurried to leave the gym and his humiliation behind, his phone rang in his pocket, YMCA blaring from his phone speaker. He knew exactly whose ringtone that was.
"Abigale, I can't talk right now," he said as he slammed his hand against the front entrance door. "I'm going to go curl in a ditch and die."
"Wow. My little brother-" "By eleven minutes!" "-joins the NHL and suddenly he's the new RuPaul of drama."
"Seriously, Abs! I just embarrassed the shit of myself in front of Shane Hollander! I word vomited about him and the parade thing." Issac huffed as he slams the door of his car closed. He dropped his head onto the top of his steering wheel, trying to hide his face from the world. "Fuck, he probably knows I'm gay!"
"You're catastrophizing," Abigale rationalizes. "I'm sure it wasn't that bad. Besides, he's dealt with crazed, horny fans before. I'm sure he's used to it."
"Oh fuck off, Abigale!"
Abigale's laughter rings through the phone. "What? You're fine, Issac! You don't have anything to worry about with Shane Hollander. Just don't do anything freaky next to him in the locker room-"
"I'm hanging up on you. Jeez, Abs!"
"God, you're such a prude!"
"Hmm-hmm. Don't forget about Mom's birthday next week, 'kay?"
"Will it stop her from deadnaming me?"
"Probably not," Issac sighed. Abs came out of transgender two years ago, yet their mom insisted on calling her Anthony despite it.
"Then I won't bother! Love youuu."
"Bye, you menace."
"Bye, you gay disaster."
Issac hung up the phone and took a deep breath. His sister was right: he's blowing this way out of proportion. Shane Hollander must meet star-struck rookies every year. He had no reason to think that Hollander thought anything different of him.
Ilyusha
September 15 11:54 AM
Shane: I just had a super weird interaction with our new rookie in the team gym?
Ilya: Normal weird or you weird?
Shane: Shut the fuck up
Shane: Actual wierd
Ilya: Well? Waiting
Shane: Asshole
Shane: I think he thanked me for going to Pride? And he rambled about it wasn't about him but some gay family members he has.
Ilya: Ah so your rookie is gay
Ilya: What is his number I need to speak to him
Shane: Did you not read? He said it wasn't for him
Ilya: ...
Ilya: Hollander he was lying
Ilya: Probably got flustered seeing hot hockey man up close
Ilya: Definately give me his number
Shane: I'm not giving you my rookie's number
Ilya: I just want to talk
Ilya: To gay teammate who is making eyes at you
Shane: Dramatic ass
Shane: You sound jealous Rozanov
Ilya: Just sound? He got to see you in your tiny gym shorts!
Shane: They aren't that short?
Ilya: They are indecent and you should FaceTime me while you have them on
Shane: Keep it in your pants and I'll call you when I get home
Ilya: Is the best deal I will get. I'll take it
September 17 1:09 PM
Shane: Want to have another FaceTime dinner soon?
Ilya: I'm free tonight
Shane: You are?
Ilya: What else would I do? You are in boring Canada
Shane: I'll FaceTime fuck you no matter what, you don't need to flirt
Ilya: I know 😉
September 20 11:12 AM
Shane: Hey
September 20 11:59 AM
Ilya: Sorry practice ran long
Shane: I get it. How's it going for you down there?
Ilya: You are trying to get team secrets?
Ilya: Because it will work 😉
Shane: Shut up it's just a general question
Ilya: I know малыш
Shane: Team is good. Practice is boring. New people have egos. Same every year
Ilya: How is Montreal?
Shane: Good. They're a bit out of shape, but I'm using that drill we made together this summer?
Shane: I think its going really well!
Voyageurs no cap
September 20 2:42 PM
Cormeau
I'm getting really fucking sick of Hollander
You'd think after two months of puss he'd lighten up a bit
Drapeau
you have a point
Wilson
My fucking feet hurt
I'm not sure I'll walk normally again
Smith
fuck I don't think I've ever skated like that in my fucking life
Cormeau
I see now why Shane says Lily and him aren't dating
No girl would want to commit to a neurotic fucker like him
Drapeau
You're fucking right and you should say it. Fuck Hollander
Olsson
Where did he learn those new drills and why tf did he show coach?
Pike
guys this is inappropriate Shane is our teammate and captain
he's led us to 2 cups
i get you all are tired and sore but you dont get to be dicks because youre out of shape
J.J.
Oui Pike is right
This is no way to speak about your captaine
Cormeau
That's just because you two would suck his dick if he asked
At least I have my integrity and I'm not afraid to call shit like I see it
Drapeau
Yeah you might go to the fairy parade together but leave your dick sucking out of the locker room
J.J.
You should keep your homophobia out of the locker room, un cave
Taylor
yeah i went to that parade? you think i'm gross now too?
Cormeau
You and Hollander are different
Drapeau
Yeah you're not a clean ocd faggot
Hayden
fucking enough drapeau
keep that fucking language out of the team
Wilson
Hold on Pike. You got enough money to pay for those swears?
Cormeau
Yeah we all know who walks who in your relationship
Taylor
i think we should all take some steps back
we're a team and yes the workouts and drill suck but hollander knows what he's doing
J.J.
We have a day off tomorrow. Use it to find a better attitude.
In a sparsely furnished apartment, in a new city and country from where he lived his entire life, Issac Michaels sat on his newly purchased bed and pressed the power button on his phone. He sat in loud silence for a long while as the words of the group chat filled his mind.
Fairy parade.
OCD faggot.
In his new apartment, Issac stiffened his shoulders and packed himself away, as far deep as he could. No one on the Montreal Voyeguers could find out about his inclinations, his preferences for the same dick the majority of the team found so disgusting.
In the loneliness of Issac's new life, he hid himself away. Better to be safe and alive than risk everything he'd worked for.
"Why don't you just ask Shane for Ilya Rozanov's number?"
The Irina Foundation was coming together quite well. Yuna had everything lined up the way they needed it to be, sponsors in negotiations, volunteers in communications. Except, the founders of the foundation needed to sign off on everything.
Yuna texted Shane PDF copies of his paperwork and managed to get his e-signature within an hour if he wasn't in a game.
Ilya Rozanov, on the other hand, checked his email maybe once a month with the wait times she endured to get his documents back. For important, time-sensitive issues, Yuna resorted to texting Shane to text Rozanov.
It annoyed Yuna, the inefficient procedure, but one necessary as she had already explained to her husband.
Here they were, a slow Sunday morning where Yuna checked her email neurotically as if she could manifest a response from the Boston Menace, or, more recently, her son's business partner (at the very least).
Yuna turned her head to David. "Because I already have his number, Dave." She did, that was the most annoying part of all of this.
Not that the contact name said "Ilya Rozanov, Boston Center" above his Boston area code. No, instead it simply said "Lily."
"So just text him that you need his signature."
"David, I can't text Lily that I need Ilya Rozanov's signature. He'll know that I know."
"And you don't want him to know?"
"Of course not. I want Shane and Rozanov — Ilya — to tell us themselves."
Honestly, David was hopeless sometimes. Before Yuna knew Lily's identity, yes she tried to convince Shane to tell her. But now that she knew? Damn, she understood why the two of them would keep it secret, hidden from everyone around them.
She didn't want to disrupt whatever sliver of peace the two of them may have.
"Well, when do you need that paperwork signed by?"
"Tomorrow," Yuna sighed and picked her phone up off the table in front of her. "I'll text Shane."
Shane
September 26 8:23 PM
Yuna: Hey, I sent Rozanov an email with some documents I need looked over and signed by tomorrow for the permits and releases.
Shane: I thought he did that before his game on Friday.
Shane: I'll get him to do it tonight.
Yuna: Thank you, honey.
Yuna: Tell him that that new rookie of theirs should be moved to a wing on Tuesday. He's lost as a center.
Shane: You watched Boston's game? A pre-season one?
Yuna: If you're going to be business partners with him, I have to keep up.
Yuna: Get a good night sleep, Shane. I love you!
Shane: I love you too, mom.
Twenty minutes later, Yuna's inbox pinged with a new email notification. She clicked to see all the forms she needed filled out alongside a message typed in the body of the email:
sorry for delay mrs. Yuna. i thought i pressed send. you can blame hockey concussions if you want
Yuna smiled to herself as she flipped to another tab on her screen, this one a website filled with Russian meals and tips for making authentic Russian soup. She leaned against David — who read his own book beside her — as she continued her earlier activity of researching how to fully bring Ilya Rozanov into her family.
My Shanya
September 27 3:33 PM
Ilya: Your mother is right
Ilya: Wels sucks ass
Shane: She usually is. Especially with hockey.
Shane: I'm only telling you this because if I beat you this season because of your shitty forward then it'll be a truly depressing season.
Shane: He doesn't protect his left side enough. Put him on left wing because his shots are more accurate on that side of the ice and do drills to focus on defense.
Ilya: This does not count as tampering?
Shane: When I beat you, I want your team at their best so I can rub it in even more.
Ilya: Aw you think you will win
Ilya: So cute
Shane: Fuck off Rozanov.
Shane: You want to beat me just because Drapeau is hungover in the crease?
Ilya: Fuck no
Ilya: I will beat you and fuck you for every goal I score
Shane: I'm sleeping on the couch the next time I'm in Boston.
Ilya: 😧
September 29 11:39 PM
Ilya: Heyyyyttytttt
Ilya: Yourrr in borinjj fuzking Canada
Ilya: I miss your facc
Ilya: Face
Ilya: Freackles
Shane: ??
Shane: Ilya are you out with your team?
Ilya: No
Ilya: Toosad
Ilya: Miss you but o can't tell the m
Shane: Are you home?
Ilya: Noppe
Shane: I'm calling Connors.
Ilya: Shhh I'm fone
Ilya: This uuber is dribinf me
Shane: Can you share the drive with me, Ilyusha? So I can make sure you're home?
Ilya: What you worrruu?
Shane: Yes, I worry. Please?
Ilya: Shsreed
Shane: Thank you
Ilya: Is Canada niice?
Shane: I love it here. Probably too boring for you.
Ilya: Pfffggt I LOOEVE boring
Ilya: Look at yoy
Shane: Please drink some water before you sleep
Shane: Don't you have practice tomorrow?
Shane: Ilya?
Shane: I see the Uber dropped you off
Shane: I'm not beneath calling Connors.
Ilya: Shhh you are so lloud
Ilya: I drink water
Shane: Good. Now undress and get in bed
Ilya: God stop trying to het me nakef
Shane: Shush
Shane: Your too drunk for sex. Lay down and close your eyes
Ilya: Hmmm
Ilya: Shane?
Ilya: I miss uou
Shane: I miss you too Ilyusha.
Shane: Sleep well
September 30 9:21 AM
Shane: Are you okay?
Ilya: Hollander I am not old enough to get hangover
Ilya: I could beat you at any competition right now
Ilya: You would cry at my greatness
Shane: Sure, tough guy.
Shane: I'm serious. Are you okay? You don't usually go to a bar alone
Ilya: Was not bar. A club
Shane: Oh
Ilya: I wanted to dance
Ilya: But
Shane: But?
Ilya: The person I wanted to dance with is in boring Canada
Ilya: So I left
Shane: Oh, Ilyusha
Shane: I miss you too
Ilya: Couple more weeks, yes?
Shane: Yes
Shane: Let me know when you know your itinerary?
Ilya: I always do
Ilya: ❤️
Shane: ❤️
Chapter 14: October
Chapter Summary
Some sponsor deals, some mail, some yearning, and a lot of friendship <3
Chapter Notes
What's this? A chapter??
HUGE thank you to heatedhorpse over on Threads who helped SO much with the Russian in this chapter (and ones to come!) Thank you for putting up with me lol
I hope you enjoy!
Raiders Stay #1
October 4 10: 22 AM
Ilya: Okay, last preseason game tonight. Everyone be on time. Me, Marly, and Simon will not be dressing out but we will still be there watching
Marly
Everyone will do great! It's preseason so no pressure but still try to crush Washington
Connors
hell yeah
tonights going to be great
and we're still doing pizza after yes??
Simon
I'm already at the arena and I see Steve preordering the pizza now
Hammersmith
Steve??
Simon
??????
Carmie
Steve?? Our assistant coach???
Hammersmith
ooo fuck yeah him
Connors
okay I'm bringing beer
PERSON A: They will have beer Connors
Connors
fuck this is going to be awesome af
Simon
Af>
Carmie
It means as fuck
Because it's so hard to type out those two words
Connors
well you are boring af carmie
Carmie
Fucking rude? Oh wait I don't care
Connors
...bro
Carmie
I'm fucking playing Connie!
Connors
Oh!
PERSON A: Okay fight in your private texts
PERSON A: No one better be late. Be on time, head in the game, and we will have great game
Carmie
October 4 10:57 AM
Connor: dude you okay
Carmie: Fine really
Connor: Carm
Carmie: I've been replaced
Carmie: And Blake took my spot
Connor: no he didn't?
Connor: i literally never wanted to fuck your ugly mug
Carmie: Wow ouch
Carmie: I'm not good enough for you?
Connor: you cant say my boyfriend took your spot as my best friend
Connor: homophobic
Carmie: ExcUSE ME
Connor: you heard me
Carmie: Wow I guess we're enemies now
Connor: i'll see you on the dueling grounds at dawn
Carmie: And to think we used to be besties
Connor: sad times
Connor: drinks on tues?
Carmie: You're on
To: Ilya Rozanov
From: Yuna Hollander
Subject: Possible Sponsor Opportunity
Dear Ilya,
Let me begin with: this email has nothing to do with the Irina Foundation, though everything for the charity is going smoothly. I am emailing you on a different matter.
As you may know, Shane has many sponsor partnerships with fashion brands, drink products, and sports related companies. These partnerships give me access to network with many people in a variety of connections. At an event yesterday, I heard the CEO of YSL mention that he is looking for someone that fits their image.
I hope that I did not overstep in suggesting you as that person. Attached to this email is an offer letter from YSL. I have gone over the offer myself and have found it to be very reasonable in matters of promotion and compensation.
If you want to move forward as their sponsoree, I can represent you or, if you wish, you can find an agent who deals with fashion deals. Again, I hope I did not impose where I am not wanted. Please let me know if you have any questions.
Sincerely,
Yuna Hollander
To: Yuna Hollander
From: Ilya Rozanov
Subject: Re: Possible Sponsor Opportunity
Yuna,
Thank you. I am very interested in sponsor. please let them know I say yes. do I need to do anything? I have not done this before
Rozanov
To: Ilya Rozanov
From: Yuna Hollander
Subject: Re: Re: Possible Sponsor Opportunity
Dear Ilya,
I will work with your schedule for any meeting or photo shoots from them. The most important thing is that you are seen in YLS clothes. They will send you items and you wear them, simple as that.
Please review the contract I sent in the first email. I want to make sure you know all aspects of what you're agreeing to. If you want to have a Zoom meeting, I can walk you through the details.
Sincerely,
Yuna Hollander
Rose
October 8 1:31 PM
Rose: [Image: paparazzi pictures of Ilya Rozanov walking down the streets of Boston wearing stylisticlly baggy pants and a yellow tank top so tight, it might as well be see through]
Rose: See! If you let me get you clothes, you could be fashionable like him!
Rose: This proves my argument that hockey players can have good fashion sense
Rose: He's breaking containment
Rose: Seriously, I would love to get you into Balenciaga for your game day suit this year
Shane: Holy fuck
Rose: ??
Rose: Shane?
Rose: Is that a yes to Balenciaga?
Rose: I'm texting my contact with them! You're a 40 shoulder right?
Ilyusha
October 8 1:39 PM
Shane: What shirt are you wearing?
Shane: Ilya?
Shane: Ilya fuck
Ilya: Yes?
Shane: I think you're breaking social media.
Ilya: Yes I know)))))))))
Ilya: You like?
Shane: I want to take that fucking shirt off you
Ilya: And fold it?
Shane: Fuck you
Shane: But yes, of course
Ilya: Are you hard from looking at me, Hollander?
Shane: You're an asshole.
Ilya: You like it
Ilya: Touch yourself for me
Shane: I'm with Hayden, Ilya. I can't just whip it the fuck out.
Ilya: Bathrooms exist. Go into one.
Ilya: [Video: Ilya with his face out of frame as his hand strokes his cock. The background is obviously a public restroom]
Shane: Ilya!
Ilya: Yes?
Shane: … I'm in the bathroom.
Shane: This needs to be quick.
Ilya: Oh really?
Ilya: Pants to your knees, lean against the wall
Ilya: Legs shoulders apart
Ilya: Do not text, just read
Ilya: Spit into your hand
Ilya: Imagine it's my hand stroking your dick, slowly
Ilya: Everytime you get to the tip, brush your thumb across your hole with other hand
Ilya: Keep quiet. I know you're loud and needy
Ilya: You're just so needy, Hollander. Insatiable.
Ilya: Lickable. I want to lick you, your chest and abs. I would suck on your balls as I fucked you with my hand
Ilya: You would beg and shout until you came, but I wouldn't stop
Ilya: I wouldn't stop until you came again, until you cried from too much
Ilya: Then I would paint you with my cum. I wish I could take a picture of you like that, fucked out and covered in my cum
Shane: Fuck
Ilya: You came?
Shane: Yes
Shane: Fuck that was so hot
Ilya: So hot you forgot punctuation
Shane: Shut up.
Shane: Did you?
Ilya: Not yet
Ilya: Send picture
Shane: I already cleaned up?
Ilya: Not of that, pervert
Ilya: I want one of your face. A selfie just for me
Shane: Ilyusha...
Shane: [Image: A selfie of Shane, cheeks red and a shy smile brightening up his face]
Ilya: Fuking shit shaane
Shane: Ilya
Ilya: Ahh
Ilya: Do not let Hayden see you like this
Ilya: Much too sexy
Shane: Your shameless
Ilya: I just jerked off in a public bathroom. This is not news
Shane: Ugh I wish I could be in Boston today
Ilya: You have shoot tomorrow?
Shane: Unfortunately
Shane: I need to get back before Hayden sends a search party. I'll call when I get home?
Ilya: Go to 15th best Montreal player
Ilya: I'll keep my phone on
Rose frowned slightly at her text feed with Shane. Something wasn't… right.
Shane wasn't answering and his reaction to Ilya Rozanov, for some reason, was a simple holy fuck. It didn't seem like a oh shit, how dare he. More like a oh shit, he's fucking hot.
Several things clicked in her head. Secretive "boyfriend", refusal to tell her details, his random trips to Boston?
Great fucking pull, Shane Hollander.
Rose smiled to herself as she clicked over to her Balenciaga inside contact and typed out a lengthy request.
Rose was going to make sure her best friend out-competed his boyfriend and win a fashion contest she planned on orchestrating.
Rose
October 11 4:26 PM
Shane: Rose.
Rose: Uh oh I can hear the tone from LA
Shane: Care to explain why I recieved a package in the mail containing a really nice suit? Plus more?
Rose: So I talked to my contact....
Shane: Rose, I have a game day suit.
Rose: That's too short for your arms now! Come on, it cost neither of us anything, the brand just wants to see you wear it
Rose: Did you try it on?
Shane: Hold on...
Shane: [Image: Shane looked awkward in a very nicely tailored black satin suit]
Rose: Holy shit Shane! That looks amazing on you!
Rose: Rozanov is going to shit his pants
Shane: What?! Why?
Rose: Uhhhh…. because you're going to be dressed better than him?
Shane: He always dresses nice. It's nothing new.
Rose: Uh huh. Surrrre
Ilyusha
October 11 5:01 PM
Shane: [Image: same picture he sent Rose]
Shane: What do you think?
Ilya: holy fuck
Ilya: I can be in Montreal in 5 hours
Ilya: maybe 3
Shane: Ilya? What?
Ilya: You look so sexy! Shanyaaa
Ilya: Why do you do this to me?
Shane: Rose had "a contact" send it to me.
Shane: I feel weird. I'm not fancy like this, I'm just me.
Ilya: Rose sent you mail like this?
Shane: Well, I don't think she sent it personally
Shane: Ilyusha?
Ilya: Uh huh. Interesting
Ilya: Two can play this game
Shane: What?
October 14 11:11 AM
Shane: Why did a whole box of ginger ale show up on my doorstep with Lily as the recipient?
Shane: Did you overnight this?
Ilya: Is that all there was?
Shane: What the fuck is this?
Ilya: Is a very special ring 😉
Shane: WHY DOES IT VIBRATE
Ilya: Now you have gift to remember me, better than clothes rose lady sent you
Shane: I hate you.
Ilya: Lies ❤️
October 16 3:29 PM
Ilya: Hi
Shane: Hi?
Ilya: What? I cannot say just hello to you?
Shane: You can, you just usually…. don't?
Ilya: Whatever
Shane: Excuse me?
Shane: Ilya?
Ilya: What?
Shane: Maybe try talking to me instead of being an asshole.
Shane: Then we could actually have a conversation.
Ilya: ...
Ilya: You are right
Ilya: Is not a good day today
Shane: Do you want to talk about it?
Ilya: No. But yes?
Ilya: It's anniversary. For my mama
Shane: Oh shit, Ilyusha.
Shane: I'm so sorry. I had no idea.
Ilya: How could you when I never said
Ilya: Is just
Ilya: Not a good day
Ilya: And I miss you
Shane: Can I call you when I get home?
Ilya: Да, пожалуйста
"Shane? Earth to Shane?"
Shane jolted slightly at the sound of his mom's voice. He looked up from his text thread with Ilya and smiled sheepishly at both his parents who were staring at him.
Oh yeah, lunch with his parents. They were talking about something… Maybe hockey? Probably hockey.
"Sorry," he mumbled and clicked his phone off.
"So? How is Lily?" Yuna asked strategically. Of course, she knew the only person Shane would text at the dinner table would be Lily.
Shane chewed on his bottom lip. How much could he share without sharing too much? He'd started trying to be more open to his parents since he came out, but he didn't want to out Ilya to his parents. "It's… Lily is having a bad day, I guess? I'm going to call him when I get home."
"Oh," Yuna said in a bad attempt of casualness. Shane knew what she was doing: trying to get mor information about the guy he's not-dating. "Any reason? I know long distance can be hard on relationships."
"No. I mean, yes, it's hard, but that's not the reason." Shane hesitated a moment before he said, "It's the anniversary of his mother's s- death."
"Oh, the poor dear." Yuna set her fork down gently and reached across the table to touch Shane's arm. "That must be tough for him."
"Wait," David started slowly, "I thought his father died this year?"
"He did, but his mother died when he was young."
Yuna frowned as she processed the information. She also lost a parent at too young of an age, Shane remembered. Her father, when she was nine, an innocent bystander shot during an armed robbery. "You could drive down tonight? I hate thinking of him being alone."
"To Boston?" Shane irritation flared. Did she not think that he would be across the border already if he could? That he would willingly spend most of his time away from Ilya? "Mom, I have a game tomorrow. He has a- a work trip in the morning. I can't just-" Shane gestures vaguely and sighs heavily. "It's complicated."
"I know, honey," Yuna said softly and patted his arm once more before she picked her fork up again. "Relationships often are. Just connect with him. Here, pass the soy sauce to your dad."
Shane passed the soy sauce over as guilt weighs down his chest. He hated snapping at his mother, but he's too prideful to try to apologize after the moment passed.
Rose
October 17 10:24 PM
Rose: So how's lover boy?
Shane: Ew don't call him that.
Shane: He's okay though
Rose: Just okay?
Shane: He seemed a little sad yesterday.
Shane: Said he missed me.
Rose: Poor guy
Rose: Does he have anyone to talk about you two? Like we do?
Rose: I mean, we don't really talk of him because you won't tell me details, but you know
Shane: Umm one of his coworkers found out about us, but they're not close friends? I don't think they talk?
Rose: Sounds lonely
Rose: It must be hard for him being alone
Shane: Yeah… I haven't thought about it like that
Rose: Oh Shane
Rose: You're such a man sometimes
Shane: ?? Because I am?
Rose: 💋
Rose: You should talk to him
Shane stared at Rose's last message as he chewed on his bottom lip. Talk to Ilya. The idea was simple enough, but it's not like Shane and Ilya really talked about emotional stuff.
Not until the cottage this summer.
Could he just say something over text? It doesn't feel right to talk feelings without being face-to-face.
Shane groaned and threw his phone on his bed. Fuck, he wished Ilya and him lived in the same city. Shit, he'd settle for the same fucking country. long distance sucked. It sucked even more when the only people who knew about Ilya didn't know the Ilya part of it.
He stared at his ceiling until the light through the windows noticeably shifted. He decided then: he'll talk to Ilya after their first game against each other this season. This was an in-person conversation. Just a couple more weeks and Shane will tell Ilya…
Fuck, he needs to figure out what to say.
His phone buzzed dully in his comforter. Sensing who it was, Shane hurriedly picked it up and smiled when he saw that he was right.
Ilyusha
October 17 10:40 PM
Ilya: Your rookie was a mess tonight
Ilya: Did he learn to skate yesterday?
Ilya: He knows he's in the NHL right?
Shane rolled his eyes and turned off his bedside lamp, curling into bed with the light from his phone illuminating his face. He'll worry about how to have that conversation with Ilya tomorrow. Tonight, Shane could just enjoy talking hockey with his favorite opponent.
Ilyusha
Ilya: Your rookie was a mess tonight
Ilya: Did he learn to skate yesterday?
Ilya: He knows he's in the NHL right?
Shane: He was not that bad.
Shane: He's just been a bit awkward with some of the guys.
Ilya: He is the gay one yes?
Shane: He's not gay.
Shane: Not everyone is gay.
Ilya: No not everyone. He is
Ilya: Maybe he thinks everyone in Montreal is too ugly for him except you and it's a curse for him because he cannot have you
Shane: Okay adding that to the list of stupid things you've said
Ilya: Aw you kept a list?
Shane: Get fucked Rozanov
Ilya: I: We both know you are the one that likes to get fucked))))))
Ilyusha
October 20 11:38 AM
Shane: Я побью тебя на следующей игре
Ilya: В смысле??
Shane: Я выиграю следующую игру!
Ilya: Идеально. Ты лучше с каждым днём!
Shane: Спасибо))))
Ilya: О, ты понял смайлики! Прямо настоящий русский!
Shane: Учусь у лучших
Ilya: Разумеется, счастье моё
Translation:
Shane: I will beat you [up] at the next game
Ilya: wdym??
Shane: I will win next game!
Ilya: Perfect! you're getting better by the day
Shane: Thank you))))
Ilya: Oh, you understand the smilies! that's a real Russian!
Shane: Learning from the best
Ilya: Obviously, my happiness
Rose
October 20 11:51 AM
Shane: So...
Shane: If my situationship just called me "my happiness"…
Rose: oh my god
Rose: I've told you whatever the fuck you have is NOT a situationship
Rose: I think by hockey man standards, you two are married
Shane: Rose
Rose: I'm just saying!
Rose: Have you told your parents yet?
Shane: That I'm fucking a guy? Yeah, we talk about it all the time.
Rose: Wow so bitchy
Rose: I love it
Rose: Does your boy toy know you're bitchy?
Shane: 🙄 Please don't call him that
Shane: He calls me boring, not bitchy
Rose: Lol maybe he should switch
Shane: Shush
Rose: When do you see him next?
Shane: Not for eight more days. We're FaceTiming later though
Rose: Oooo go fuck your boy toy on FaceTime
Shane: ... I really hate that phrase.
Voyageurs Team Chat
October 20 8:06 PM
Wilson
Anyone else see this?
[Image: Screenshot of a news article depicting Ilya Rozanov in a club with a drink in his hand. Despite no women in the picture, the headline reads: Hottest Womanizer of Hockey Seen on the Prowl]
Cormeau
Ew why would you taint this chat with that face?
Drapeau
God I can't wait to crush Boston this year
Olsson
I heard he was in a relationship but I guess the girl got sense and left his ass haha
Wilson
I did too! So either he's heartbroken or fucking cheating
Drapeau
OH! You're saying Boston will be easier to beat with a distracted R*zanov
Fuck yeah
Olsson
Oh fuck you're right
Jesus finally a goddamn break
Shane read through the texts on his phone while chewing on his bottom lip, a pressure pressing heavily against his chest.
Fuck, he hated how his teammates talked about Ilya. He hated how the media talked about Ilya. Everyone talked about him as if they knew him. But they didn't.
They didn't know how Ilya sounds when he's half asleep on FaceTime.
They didn't know the way Ilya turns his head and rubs his nose when he cries.
They didn't know that Ilya brightens up Shane's entire world just by being in it.
Shane wanted to defend him, wanted to stand up in front of the media and tell them exactly who Ilya was, what made him the best person Shane knew. He wanted to tell his entire team to shut the fuck up and storm out like the stereotypical melodramatic gay man — for once.
"Shane?"
Shane jolted a bit at his name coming through his phone speakers. "Sorry, I'm still here."
Ilya chuckled softly over the phone. The top of Shane's phone counts up their call time: two hours, twelve minutes, and forty seconds. Fourty-one. Fourty-two. "Where did you go? I thought you fell asleep."
"No, not asleep. Just reading some of the team chat."
"Ugh, the Voyageurs cock blocking me? Rude of them all. I know their wives do not fuck them, but they should let their captain have fun."
Shane rolled his eyes. "We're not having phone sex right now."
"We could."
"We just- Ilya, you came not even fifteen minutes ago."
Ilya groaned dramatically. Shane smiled softly, knowing that no matter what melodramatics he played in his mind, he could never out-drama Ilya Rozanov. "I know, Shane. I am just saying, I want you to myself."
Shane's heart did a little flip at Ilya's words. "Okay."
"Okay?"
"Okay, I have my phone off. Metaphorically. My attention is all yours."
"Good. Have you heard of the rookie in Dallas?"
"Um, a little? Not our division, so I don't track players as much? Should I?"
Ilya went into a small rant about how the Dallas Rookie — Johnston? Johnson? — shouldn't have been a first round pick. Shane listened with half an ear as the other part of his thoughts refocused on what he was thinking earlier.
No one would ever guess that Shane Hollander sat on the phone while Ilya Rozanov drone on about hockey, draft picks, and skill disparities. Because no one knew Ilya like Shane did.
"I am boring you, yes?" Ilya's clipped voice showed his irritation. Did he ask Shane a question he didn't hear?
"I want to do a media presentation with you," Shane blurted out.
"This is what you think about while I talk? Shane, I am talking about your favorite topic: hockey."
"I know, I know, I've just been thinking…" Shane sighed as he tried to organize his thoughts into coherent words. He hadn't even realized he was thinking about this until the words were out of his mouth. "I want us to stand together in front of the media and announce The Irina Foundation. Together. I want people to see the good that you are. Fuck, I'm not-"
"Shane," Ilya voice soothes through the phone. "Let's do media announcements, yes? I like this idea. But, it is not just me who is doing good here."
"Il-"
"No, it was your idea, your planning, your mom's organization."
"Our planning, your ideas," Shane argued half-heartedly. They didn't need to compliment each other; they knew the foundation was a creation of both of them. "I just fucking hate how people talk about you. If they knew you how I did-"
"You want me to fuck all the NHL?"
"What?! No!"
"You said they should know me how you know me! So they should know how my tongue feels when it-"
"I'm hanging up, you dick."
"No, you won't."
"I should." Shane tapped his phone on. The clock read just after midnight. The call time continued to click up: two hours, fifty minutes, and seven seconds. "I have a travel day tomorrow."
"Yes, I hear you are not coming to the best city in America. How sad for you."
"You mean Tampa, right?"
"Fuck you, Hollander. Tampa has nothing on Boston."
"Tampa has sunshine and beaches and warm weather and-"
"Bleh, whatever. Tampa will not fuck you until you cry. Tampa will not cook you dinner after the game."
Shane's brain short-circuited. "Dinner? Ilya, are you planning to… cook me dinner?"
"Of course. McGriddles and chocolate shakes." Both of them laugh together, the sounds cracking over the line. "Yes, I have dinner planned. Healthy food and within your diet plan, do not worry."
"Before our next game or-"
"Do you want to sleep over? Instead of the hotel? We could have dinner and then lunch before we leave to our teams."
Shane hesitated for a minute — but not because the idea didn't sound amazing. Could he get away from the team and away from the hotel? They had curfew, but Hayden would cover for him. He had an example to set, especially for the new rookie, but…
Shane hadn't felt Ilya's touch since June. The thought of feeling him again in eight days? Shane didn't want to wait another second more.
"I'll find a way," Shane decided. "I'll see you then?"
"Eight days, yes. Goodnight, Shanya."
"Goodnight, Ilyusha."
Ilya sat alone in his Boston home. He'd had a rare full day off, yet all he could do was stare at the empty space around him. The house sat silent, no one other than Ilya to fill the space. The only sound Ilya heard were the walls.
The walls whispered to him about how alone he was, how isolated he was, how no one loved him. The walls were right.
The walls also sounded like Grigory Rozanov.
Fuck, it had only been a few weeks since the time he spent with Shane -- in person instead of the sad phone substitute they make do with -- but he felt more alone than he ever had.
He didn't want to go clubbing anymore.
He didn't want to drink anymore.
He didn't want to call Sveta just to have her worry.
Ilya wanted Shane. He wanted his boyfriend by his side and wrapped in his arms. Fuck, he wanted Shane's arms around him. He wanted to be encompassed in the smell of the ice rink that never seemed to leave his stupid boyfriend.
Ilya stubbornly rubbed the tears from his cheek and stared at the blank TV screen. Fuck this.
His phone buzzed.
Somehow, Shane always knew when to text him. It's like he had an Ilya-Feels-Like-Shit machine programmed even before Ilya had the words to explain it to himself.
My Shanya
October 22 4:18 PM
Shane: God these fucking sponsors are driving me crazy.
Shane: Please distract me. What are you up to?
Ilya: Nothing. Boston is more boring than Canada. Most boring
Shane: I don't believe that. I thought I was most boring 😉
Ilya: Yes
Shane: Ilya, I just used an emoji and you didn't say anything?
Shane: What's wrong?
Ilya: Nothing
Shane: Bullshit. Try again.
Ilya: I... just miss you?
Ilya: I want to talk about you to people, tell people how awesome my Jane is without lying
Ilya: Fuck ignorw that. Conors and Carmie knows. I'm being selfish
Shane: Hey, Ilya, listen to me.
Shane: I was going to talk to you about this in person next time we saw each other, but maybe now is a better time.
Shane: Would you like to tell some people? Someone who you're close to unlike Connor and Carmichael? Like, do you have someone you can trust to keep it a secret?
Ilya: What?
Shane: I have my parents to talk to. Rose to talk to. They don't know your name, but they know enough for me to be comfortable with.
Shane: Do you have anyone like that?
Ilya: Sveta wouldn't tell but she is in Russia and I don't trust her phone
Ilya: Marly would be good with it
Shane: Cliff Marleau?
Ilya: His sister is lesbian
Ilya: I trust him
Shane: Okay. Tell him about us.
Ilya: Really?
Shane: Ilya, I don't want to keep you in a box. I told people that I'm gay. You deserve to tell someone about yourself too.
Shane: If that includes us too, then I trust you.
Ilya: Fuck
Ilya: Can I call after sponsor shoot?
Shane: Give me twenty minutes and I'll call you.
The call with Shane helped a lot. Somehow, the fact Ilya now knew he could tell someone about their relationship eased something in him he didn't realize had been hurting.
Ilya wasn't alone. He had Shane on his side. Always.
Ilya wasn't unloved. Shane loved him, even if they hadn't exchanged the exact words yet.
So, Ilya held these hopeful feelings as long as he could. The following Sunday night, when another bout of wall-yelling started, he pulled up Marleau's contact.
Marls
October 25 7:44 PM
Ilya: Marly are you close to my house?
Marly: Nah just got home
Ilya: Oh okay
Marly: What's up man?
Ilya: I wanted to say something. Get off chest
Marly: Okay dude. Whatcha want to say?
October 25 8:26 PM
Ilya: I am bisexual
Marly: Oh
Marly: I mean, good for you man, thank you for telling me.
Marly: You know my sister is gay. You know I go to pride with her.
Ilya: Did I surprise you?
Marly: Maybe a little? I've known you since you were a rookie.
Marly: Does Jane know, too?
Ilya: Ah Jane
Ilya: My Jane is not my Jane
Marly: Ah, dude, did you break up? That fucking sucks.
Marly: Wait did she fucking break up with you over this? Because that's fucking bullshit
Ilya: No no
Ilya: Jane is not woman
Ilya: Jane is fake name because he's my boyfriend
Marly: Oh
Marly: Shit
Marly: What should I call him then?
Ilya: Still call him Jane with team but call him Shane with me
Marly: Sure man
Marly: What is this Shane like then?
Ilya: No his real name is Shane
Marly: Oh... Okay?
Ilya: Shane…. Who lives in Montreal….
Marly: Okay?
Marly: The distance must be rough on you both.
Ilya: Oh my God Marleau
Ilya: I am dating Shane Hollander
Marly: Wait, is this a joke?
Marly: Cause it's not funny. I know there's rumors that Hollander is gay but gay people aren't something to use as a fucking punchline.
Ilya: You are so dumb
Ilya: Shane is Jane. Always has been
Ilya: We started sleeping together in 2010 and started dating last November
Marly: Holy crisse you're being serious??
Marly: Carmichael was fucking right?
Ilya: What? Carmie told you?
Marly: Nothing. Don't worry about it.
Marly: Sorry for accusing you of lying.
Ilya: Is okay
Ilya: Marleau, protector of gay people
Marly: Hell yeah I am
Marly: Ally Supreme over here
Ilya: I am not calling you this
Ilya: Oh and Connor and Carmie DO know
Ilya: I threatened them so they will not tell
Marly: Can't believe those idiots were right
Marly: Carmie thought about it years ago
Marly: He said you looked at Hollander like he solved the mystery of life
Ilya: Well… He might not have but his dick did
Marly: Hell yeah brother
Marly: Good on you
Ilya: Thank you Marly
Marly: Not necessary
Marly: I'm glad that he makes you happy
Ilya: Very
Ilya: Hollander will ask for you to delete all these messages BTW
Marly: Got it
Marly: Done
Ilya: Thank you
Marly: Yup. Want to grab a drink after practice tomorrow?
Ilya: Eh. My place?
Marly: Fuck yes
My Shanya
October 25 9:52 PM
Ilya: I told Marly everything
Shane: Everything?
Shane: How did it go?
Ilya: Good. He is a good friend
Ilya: "Ally Supreme" is what he called himself
Ilya: I told him that is stupid
Shane: Haha well, I'm glad it went good
Shane: I'm glad that you'll have someone to lean on
Ilya: Lean on?
Shane: Someone to support and help you
Ilya: Ah yes
October 25 10:41 PM
Shane: Can you ask him to delete the conversation parts with my name in it?
Ilya: 🙄
Shane: ??
Shane: Ilya?
Shane: Is he doing it?
Marls
October 25 10:45 PM
Ilya: [Screenshot of the last of Ilya's messages to "My Shanya"]
Ilya: What did I tell you?
Marly: Lmao you know your boyfriend well
Marly: Wait when has your English got so good? You're like… capatizing and everything
Ilya: Oh that
Ilya: Shane messed with phone settings and now I have autocorrect on. And autocaps
Marly: 🤣 that's fucking hilarious
Marly: Shane Hollander got tired of your spelling errors
Ilya: Yes yes boyfriend is boring
Marly: I can switch it off for you tomorrow at practice
Ilya: Never touch my phone settings
Ilya: You monster
Marly: Boy you're fucking whipped
Ilya: Bark bark
Boston felt warmer than Montreal. In reality, the two cities were close to the same temperature. But Boston had Ilya, and Shane felt warmer knowing he was nearby.
Unfortunately, Shane's elaborate plan to lay low in his shared hotel room with Hayden until he could sneak out the back via the stairs fell apart instantly. Instead, he found himself in a loud, sensory nightmare his teammates called a club.
"Captaine!" J.J. slid a drink into Shane's hand. It specifically did not look like the ginger ale he requested. "I am glad you are here, mon ami!"
"Yeah. Uh, good for the rookie to see me out."
"Good for all of us!" J.J. raised his drink and shouted to the rest of the team, "Captain's here!"
A rowdy chorus of "hell yeah"s sounded through the neighboring tables that housed the majority of the team. Tommy couldn't drink in America, so he sat near the middle with a glass of soda in front of him — which Shane did not doubt for a minute that one of the older players would spike with alcohol soon if they haven't already.
Shane did a little salute and took a sip of his unwanted drink. He couldn't help but make a face as he swallowed.
Holy shit! What the fuck did J.J. give him? His mouth felt so fucking clean, it burned.
"Your face!" Hayden laughed from beside him. "You act like it's rat poison!"
"Well," Shane said with a shrug. "It's not not poison."
Hayden started to say something, but got interrupted by Cormeau clapping a hand on Shane's shoulder. "Hey, Cap! Nice to see you out with us tonight."
"Nice to be here," Shane lied smoothly and raised his glass up slightly. Really, he had a clock in his head counting down the minutes until he could feasibly grab an Uber to Ilya's house.
"Well, I'm sure the newbies love it. That Tommy hasn't stopped staring at you since training camp." Cormeau nudged Shane's arm with a smirk on his face. "You could sign something for him for him to jerk to every night."
"Cormeau, rein it in," Shane chastised. "He's just young enough that-"
"Oh, what the fuck?"
Shane frowned irritably at Cormeau's interruption. In fact, most of the team had fixed their gazes in the same direction as Cormeau. The oblivious guys were being nudged and pointed in the direction of the door. Shane turned around to follow their gazes and his heart fucking stopped. He immediately saw exactly what caused a stir in his team.
Boston Raiders, led by Ilya Rozanov.
"What the fuck are they doing here?"
Shane bristled a bit at Cormeau's tone. Just because their two teams were rivals didn't mean they all had to hate each other. "Cormeau, we're in Boston. They're probably asking why we are here."
Cormeau grumbled something under his breath as he walked back to the table that held his pitcher of beer. Shane glanced up at Ilya and-
Their eyes meet across the room. For one second, the music ceased, the party-goers quieted, and it was once them two across a sea of silence. He saw Ilya's face light up in surprise and delight. He noticed the way Connor glanced between the two of them with a knowing look. He saw Marly nudge Ilya's arm and whisper something to him, something that make Ilya swallow hard.
Then, everything crashed back and Shane winced at the onslaught of overstimulation.
"I'm going to grab a drink," he said to no one in particular.
"Shane," Hayden cleared his throat, "your drink is still full."
Shane looked at his best friend while he chugged down whatever strong ass drink J.J. got him. He smacked the glass onto the table. "More drink. I'll be back."
Shane navigated his way through the crowd. Hot, sweaty bodies pushed against him as he struggled through, trying to reach the other side of the room towards Ilya.
He didn't stop to think if it was the smart thing to do. If it was inconspicuous or suspicious. All he had on his mind was that he hadn't seen Ilya in person in months.
And he wanted to hear Ilya's voice without the interference of a phone.
Marly nudged Ilya's arm. "Looks like your boyfriend is here," Marly whispered in his ear.
Boyfriend. What was Ilya's boyfriend doing in a nightclub of all places?
Ilya swallowed hard as he continued to stare at Shane Hollander from across the room. Fuck, that fucking blue button-up would kill Ilya one day. Who wears that to a fucking nightclub?
Shane Hollander, that's who. Completely indecent. Ilya wanted to strip Shane of that stupid button-up shirt. With his teeth.
"Drink," Ilya managed to say. He purposely avoided Connors' pointed glances as he practically pulled Marly to the closest bar. He waved down a bartender and handed him a credit card. "I will have vodka, whatever is toppest shelf. Neat."
"Just a Corona," Marly added. "Please."
"I'll have whatever Rozanov is having," a oh-so-familiar voice said from beside Ilya.
Ilya turned to find Shane stood beside him, hands stuffed in pockets like he always does when he feels nervous. Ilya raised an eyebrow at him and followed his lead. "Ah, no Hollander. Your boring Canadianness cannot handle topshelf vodka. Even if you could, would be waste of good vodka." Ilya turned to the bartender. "Get Hollander here a green tea shot on my tab, please."
"They have green tea?" Shane asked and fuck if that wasn't the most adorable thing Ilya had ever heard.
Marly laughed from beside Ilya. Ilya had almost forgotten anyone else existed around them. "It's not actual green tea. Nice to see you, Hollzy!"
Shane looked at Marly somewhat startled before visibly relaxing. Obviously, he had also forgotten they weren't alone. "You too, Marly. I, uh, forgot that you knew for a second."
"Nah, I'm all chill. You should meet my sister some time."
Shane tilted his head and Ilya could see a familiar glint in his eyes that made Ilya want to push him against the nearest wall. "Why? Because all gay people get along?"
"What?" Marly shook his head and looked at Ilya for help, finding none. He gestured back to Shane and around them. "No, not because- Connor is friends with her, too! They hang out. It's not- well, that is a little weird, but I'm just saying-"
Ilya stiffled a laugh and winked at Shane. "He's messing with you, Marly," Ilya said, finally helping his flailing friend. "Shane is funny guy."
"I thought I was boring, Ilyusha."
"Yes, Shanya. Very boring. So boring I will fall asleep to that hockey documentary you like to watch again."
"Hey, those documentaries are really interesting!"
Ilya was about to tell Marly a story involving hockey documentaries, Shane, and a ruined dinner, when the bartender set down their drinks on the bar. "Ah! Thank you, yes! Please, add Hollander a ginger ale — you have ginger ale, yes? — on my tab. We must show boring Canadians how Boston takes care of each other."
The bartender gave a distracted nod and grabbed Shane's can of ginger ale from the fridge below while he listened to the next customer's order. Ilya accepted it with an appreciative nod, impressed with the bartender's efficiency on a busy night. He'll make sure to leave a good tip before they left tonight.
"Okay, Hollander. Shot first, then ginger ale."
Shane rolled his eyes and picked up the shot class off the bartop. "To a great game tomorrow."
"To a great night tonight," Ilya countered with a wiggle of his eyebrows.
They both took their shots while Marly took a swig of his beer beside them. The cleansing vodka burned Ilya's throat in a pleasant, familiar way — he started drinking at too young of an ange, shortly after Mama died when he became the sole focus of Grigory Rozanov's ire. Shane hummed a sound of pleased surprise as he swallowed his own shot.
"That's really good!" Shane set the glass down as he wiped the corner of his lips. Fuck, Ilya wished they were alone so he could lick the excess liquid from Shane's chin himself. "I could have another of those."
"Well, let's order more!" Cliff jostled Shane's shoulder and tried to wave the busy bartender down.
Ilya, however, noticed the changes in Shane that Marly wouldn't know to recognize: the dazed gleam in his eyes, the barely perceptible loss of hand-eye cordination that only Ilya — who knew Shane better than himself — caught, the lack of precision enunciation of his every word. Add in the fact that Hollander thought it was a good idea to publically walk up to him in a bar around both of their teams.
The green tea shot was not Shane's first drink tonight.
"I think Hollander should drink his soda first," Ilya said over the music as he pulled Marly's arm back to his side. "What did you have?"
"JJ gave me something." Shane winkled his nose adorably. "Tasted like cleaner fluid."
"He gave you proper strong drink." Ilya sighed. He glanced over at Marly who looked confused. "Hollander does not drink. Very lightweight."
"Fuck off, Rozanov," Shane retorted as if in instinct, except he pronounced it as Rosanoff.
Cliff nodded in understanding. As Captain and Alternate, Ilya and Marly had lots of experience with lightweight hockey players. "Bottoms up, Hollzy. Sure you don't want something with caffiene? It helps with the alcohol."
"I don't drink caffiene. But… I don't usually drink alcohol either."
"Nope, let's not break too many of your rules today."
"God, Rozy, don't be a controlling asshole."
"Why not?" Shane stuck his bottom lip out slightly, his eyebrows furrowed. "I like it when he's an asshole. Look at him? It's hot as fuck."
Marly barked a loud laugh. "I think that shot just hit him, too. What else do you like about my best friend, Hollzy?"
Ilya grabbed Shane's wrist and shot a glare at Marly. "Stop, both of you. Not here. Hollander, outside in five minutes, yes? Make excuse to your loser team."
"You're the loser team," Shane mumbled, but turned back around and stumbled to the Montreal players' tables across the venue.
"He's fiestier than I expected," Marly commented causually.
"Shut your idiot face." Fuck, he's going to have his hands full with tipsy Hollander. Ilya motioned for the bartender to close him out. "He's going to hate all of this in the morning."
"I'm sure." Marly clapped Ilya's shoulder in a "bro slap" that his friend was known for. "Need me to cover for ya?"
Ilya signed his reciept. Only thirty-one dollars; definately Ilya's cheapest nightclub visit. He quickly tipped nearly six hundred percent and signed the bottom. "Team will know I found someone to go home with. Is not a lie."
"Convienent," Marly muttered in amazement. "You've been hiding in plain sight for all these years."
"Is easy. Who would ever guess that I landed hottest hockey player in league?"
Ilya clapped Marly on the back before he walked to the exit, wading against the crowd of people trying to enter. Outside, he found Shane standing beside a broken lamppost, the shadows casting his face in darkness. Ilya took a second to check him out in all his glory.
Fuck, his boyfriend really was the hottest guy in the league. Those pants hugged his ass and thighs perfectly, his dark hair perfectly disheaveled even if slightly damp from sweat.
Ilya thanked the God his Mama believed in that he managed to keep Shane, that Shane accepted him and never ran away, even when running could have been easier.
Ilya propped his arm up on the post and leaned into Shane, the darkness of the broken light giving Ilya an added layer of carelessness where he usually would have been careful. "Hey, sexy. I want to take you home."
"No, I have someone waiting-" Shane looked up and seemed surprised to see Ilya infront of him. "Oh, it's you!"
"Did you not recognize my voice?"
"Shush it."
"Wow, Hollander." Ilya waved his hand out for a taxi and one pulled up to the curb next to them. "I see how it is."
"Shhh." Shane pressed a hand against Ilya's chest and licked his lips. "You are… Ilya, your shirt is fucking lace."
"Yes?" Ilya looked down at his own chest. He recieved this shirt last week from a new sponsor Yuna got for him. It looked hot as fuck and felt really comfortable to wear — breezy. "Are you just now noticing?"
"You- How-" Shane looked as if his brain short-circuited as he fully took in Ilya's outfit. Even in the dim light, Ilya saw the outline of Shane's crotch become more pronounced. "Taxi. Now."
Ilya ushered Shane inside the car and closed the door behind him. They didn't dare speak or touch with the random driver in the front seat, but the air was so charged, Ilya wondered how anyone could miss it. Surely, anyone would notice the electricity jumping between them, eye contact creating sparks and a fire threatening to ignite right there in the backseat.
Much too slowly, the taxi made its way through Boston and into Ilya's neighborhood. Ilya threw a hundred dollar bill at the driver and slid out of the car after a stumbling Shane Hollander.
The door barely shut behind them before Ilya felt Shane's hands through his lace shirt. His head banged against the wall as Shane smashed his lips against his.
"Woah," Ilya said when he managed to detach his lips from Shane's. He looked into the man's hazy eyes as he softly stroked his cheek. "How much did you drink?"
"I told you, just the two." Shane grinded against Ilya's leg and tilted his head back with a soft moan. "It's been too fucking long."
Shane could say that again. Ilya felt the long months in the hardening of his dick and the softening of his heart. He missed Shane; he missed touching him and kissing him and the warmth Shane brings to his cold house.
"Couch," Ilya choked out.
They stumbled into the living room, clothes falling to the floor along the way. By the time Ilya pushed Shane onto the white cushions, both of them were panting and Shane's hair looked like it had survived a tornado.
Ilya was sure his looked the same.
Ilya winked at Shane and took a step away from the couch. "I will get us water, yes? You sit there and be pretty."
Ilya rushed into the kitchen and grabbed a granola bar from the pantry, putting it in his mouth while he filled two glasses of water. After alcohol, they'll both need some food and hydration for tonight. He balances the waters in one hand and a wrapped bar for Shane.
"Okay, some fuck food for-" Ilya cut himself off as he saw Shane sprawled on his couch.
Absolutely passed out.
Quietly, Ilya set down the water and granola bar on the coffee table. He didn't look away from Shane's slack face, totally peaceful in his sleep in a way Ilya never witnessed before. The cute little crease between his eyebrows was smoothed out, all evidence of it disappeared.
Ilya sat next to his boyfriend on the couch and placed a hesitant hand on his arm. "Shane? You do not want to sleep on couch. Let's go to bed."
Shane did not respond. If anything, his breathing deepened.
Praying for his usual shitty luck to suddenly become good, Ilya slid his arms under Shane and lifted all 200 pounds off the couch. If anyone asked, Ilya would say that walking his hockey player of a boyfriend down the hallway took no effort at all. He definately wasn't breathing heavier when he pulled the covers back with his foot and laid Shane down on the sheets.
No, that would be homophobic to believe otherwise.
Ilya got ready for bed as quickly and quietly as he could. At every noise he made, Ilya checked to make sure Shane's eyes were still closed, but Shane never even moved. There's water and Advil on the nightstands, AC turned down, and front door locked before Ilya slid into bed beside Shane.
Drifting off to sleep took less than a second.
Ilya expected to wake up in the morning to an embarrassed Hollander, who Ilya would tease about falling asleep before sex until his lips wrapped around Shane's cock. Waking up after a few short hours to panicked breathing was not what Ilya had in mind.
"Hollander?" Ilya's gravelly morning voice grated out of his throat. The room was still dark and Ilya's eyes still blurry from sleep. "What is this?"
"Ilya? Did- Did I dream last night?"
"How do I know what you dream, Hollander. What was the dream?"
"I was at the bar with my team and then you showed up and- and I left with you? Please tell me that was a dream."
"It is very early. I do not understand. Why is this bad thing?"
"Oh my fucking God."
"Shane, we were— what is word? — discreet. No one saw us."
"Fuck. Fuck me."
"Shane, Shane." Ilya sat up and clicked the bedside lamp on. He turned to Shane and reached out a hand, patiently waiting for Shane to take it. When his hand remained empty, Ilya softly said, "Look at me. What is it?"
Shane kept his eyes down, inspecting Ilya's very interesting plain gray sheets. "J.J. knows."
"Why are we talking about J.J.?"
"J.J.! H-he said he knows about you."
Ilya ignored the ice that ran through his veins at those words. His feelings didn't matter right now; Shane took priority and Shane was freaking out. "Did he threaten you?"
"No."
Small blessings. For J.J. "Okay, well… Start from the beginning please."
"At the bar, when I went back to our tables to tell my team I was leaving," Shane started slowly, "J.J. said 'I'll distract the team so you can leave with Rozy'. I-I- Fuck I really thought it was a dream. Fuck."
"Hey, is oka-"
"Do not tell me that it's okay right now, Ilya. What if he says something? What if he goes to the media and-"
"Boiziau is your friend, yes? If he knew last night, he knew before and did not any something." Ilya rubbed slow circles on Shane's back, comforting and grounding. "You do not trust Boiziau?"
"I… I do. But why wouldn't he tell me that he knew?" When Ilya gave Shane a pointed look, Shane sighed. "Okay, yes, I would have still freaked out."
"Yes. But, is all good. He keep his mouth shut and everything is good." Ilya kissed his boyfriend. "Do you want to shower together or alone and I make breakfast?"
As much as Ilya wanted to shower with Shane, for the first time in months, he knew Shane sometimes needed time to decompress and calm himself after a panic. His assumption was proven right when Shane said, "Alone, please. Do you have oatmeal?"
"Yes, I have your gross oatmeal. I will also make equally gross smoothie for you."
"You're the best."
Ilya watched Shane until the bathroom door closed. He released a deep sigh and did something he's never done before: he grabbed Shane's phone.
Within thirty seconds, Ilya has a new contact in his phone and no history on Shane's phone of the contact being sent.
+1 (514) XXX-XXXX
October 28 6:54 AM
Ilya: What do you know?
+1 (514) XXX-XXXX: Who is this?
Ilya: Answer the fucking question Boiziau
+1 (514) XXX-XXXX: Wait… Rozanov?
Ilya: Who the fuck else would this be?
Ilya: You want to explain to me why he just freaked the hell out?
+1 (514) XXX-XXXX: Is Shane okay?
Ilya: Oh my god you are stupid.
Ilya: Listen carefully. You will delete any texts with names. You will keep this to yourself. Do you understand or has Montreal killed your brain?
+1 (514) XXX-XXXX: Jesus, okay!
+1 (514) XXX-XXXX: Messages deleted
+1 (514) XXX-XXXX: But is he okay?
Ilya: Freaked out that you knew, but I will fix
Ilya: How long?
+1 (514) XXX-XXXX: Since June for sure
Ilya: Fuck
Ilya: Okay you will not speak to him until he speaks to you, yes? Let him come to you.
Ilya: Or I will make sure you leave ice today in ambulance.
+1 (514) XXX-XXXX: Fuck Jesus, okay! Fucking Christ
Ilya: Good. See you on ice.
The stadium lights heat Shane's exposed neck as he bended down at the first
Ilya shoved Shane against the boards. Ice sprays against Shane's legs as he squared his shoulders.
Ilya slams Shane against the wall, lips moving faster than his hands as he tore Shane's sports coat off.
Shane chased after Ilya, the sound of the crowd disappearing as the world whittled down to only them two.
Shane nipped at Ilya's lip before running down the hallway. He heard Ilya curse behind him as the Russian chased him into the bedroom.
Shane jumped the boards to sit in an empty spot between Hayden and J.J.— who Shane didn't even glance over; he had a game to focus on first — and took out his mouthguard. He glared at Ilya through the barrier between their benches. The asshole had the odacity to smile and look fucking hot after being a complete dick on the ice.
"Nice shift," Hayden complimented him.
"No point, though," Shane muttered as he sprays water into his mouth. "Would have liked to wipe that smug fucking smile off Rozanov's face."
"Hell yeah. Next shift, you're getting a goal."
Shane huffed as his head hit the headboard, breathless and spent. Beside him, Ilya panted with a handsome-fucking-grin plastered on his face.
"Nice round."
"Fuck off."
"Hmm, maybe next round, you will not be so fast of a shot."
Shane turned to glare at his rival who looked like a goddamn King entertained by a court jester. "Not be so fast- You came first! You mother-"
Shane pounced on top of him and pressed their lips together in a heated kiss. He'll show him fast shot.
Shane's skates dug into the ice as he switched back in. He immediately gained possession, taking the puck behind their goal and arced his stick for-
The goal buzzer rang through the arena right as someone slammed into Shane. He struggled for balanced and realized: the only reason he didn't fall was because the Boston Raider in front of him held Shane's own shirt in his fist.
"Such pretty work, Shanya."
"So pretty for me," Ilya groaned from under Shane.
Shane rolled his hips as he rode Ilya. He loved this position — the fullness, the stretch, the way Ilya always spaced out from pleasure. "Fuck," Shane moaned.
"Fuck off," Shane said reflexively. He shoved Ilya away from him.
Ilya winked and shoved him back, not hard. They never wanted to hurt each other, but a show does excite the crowd.
"Is not what you want, Hollander."
Ilya yelled out when he came for the second time that night. Shane bit his lip as he felt the warmth of cum spill inside his ass. "Fuck, Hollander. Take what you want from me."
Shane cried out in pleasure as he did one final circle of his hips before he came on Ilya's stomach. He breathed heavily for a moment, taking a moment to enjoy the fullness and the rightness of the moment.
"That was-"
"Yes." Ilya kissed Shane, soft and sweet. "Let's shower then sleep. You can stay for breakfast?"
"Yes."
J.J.
October 28 10:08 PM
J.J.: Hey man, can we please talk
J.J.: You're probably with him right now but after?
J.J.: Like before the bus?
J.J.: I just want you to know that nothing is different
+1 (514) XXX-XXXX
October 28 10:08 PM
Ilya: You are blowing up phone and he is sleeping
Ilya: Shut up
+1 (514) XXX-XXXX: Sorry
+1 (514) XXX-XXXX: Is he okay? He wouldn't talk to me at the game
Ilya: He is sleeping. Go to bed Boiziau
+1 (514) XXX-XXXX: Right
+1 (514) XXX-XXXX: Sorry
Every time Shane and Ilya manage to have time together, Shane usually walks away relaxed and with a feeling of peace. Unfortunately, this wasn't a usual time.
Shane came straight from breakfast at Ilya's house to the hotel the Voyageurs spent the night in. Instead of going to his room where Hayden probably had a dozen chirps cocked and ready, Shane knocked on the door two down from his own.
"Hey, Gil. Can J.J. and I use the room?"
Gilbert Cormeau looked back into the room before clapping Shane on the bicep. "Yeah, sure. I think Mitty wanted to talk about the game anyway."
"Thanks, man," Shane muttered as they passed each other and Shane shut the hotel door.
He took a deep breath and allowed himself a second to recenter himself. This was just a conversation between two friends; everything will be fine. The world was not ending. Steeling himself, Shane took a full step into the room to see J.J. sitting up on the bed closest to the window.
"Shane?"
Shane took a seat on Gil's bed and offered a sheepish smile. "Hey, J.J. I wanted to talk to you about something."
J.J. swung his legs over the bed to match Shane's own body language. "Yeah, shoot."
Shane had thought over the last twenty-five hours on how to bring this up, yet here he was, still unsure of what to say. "How long have you… known?"
J.J. grimaced before admitting, "Since June. Look, I wanted-"
Shane raised his hand up and J.J. shuts his mouth. Deep inhale, long exhale, then Shane asks, "How did you find out? Did you see my phone? Overhear one of our phone calls?"
"I… Look, Shane, I'm so sorry. I didn't realize what I was walking into, and if I had, I wouldn't have gone."
"What do you mean?"
"I went to your cottage in June," J.J. admits and Shane's heart drops to his stomach. "I figured out you were in a relationship with a man and I figured out the man was Rozanov, but I waited for you to tell me. When you went on your silent retreat, I decided to drive over and… I don't know, confront you? That seems harsh, but true enough."
"Holy shit."
"Shane, I swear I didn't see anything. I realized Rozanov was there with you and left as soon as I could without being seen. I didn't tell anyone either, for the record. I would never do that."
"When? When did you- Actually, I don't want to know. Fuck, I really don't." Images flashed through Shane's mind. They had sex outside; they skinny dipped in the lake; they spent hours on their knees inside Shane's stupid glass cottage.
"The point is: we're good, non? If Rozanov is what you want, who am I to disagree? I don't know the guy."
"You hate him," Shane reminded him.
"I hate playing against him. I hate the way he chirps and bruises me during games. But I do not know him as a person, so no, I do not hate him because I don't even know him."
Shane allowed himself to smile, mostly in relief and a small part in sadness that so many people hate Ilya without knowing the real him.
"Thank you, J. And thank you for giving me time to come to you myself."
"Trust me, I got the message loud and clear."
Shane frowned and tilted his head. "What do you mean?"
Ilyusha
October 29 7:12 AM
Shane: You're dead.
Ilya: Whatever Boiziau said is fake
Chapter End Notes
I know this didn't cover all of October. I was nearing 10k and decided to make Halloween its own chapter. So, coming soon to an Ao3 screen near you.
Some fic notes:
Do I know how long it would take to get Ilya and Shane sponsored clothes? No. Do I think 3/4 days is reasonable with expedited shipping? Yes.The only reason JJ is accepting of Ilya is because he 1) figured it out himself before and 2) he overheard Irina's story, so he now can see Ilya as a human. Without the Irina story, JJ would have been a dick like in canon.
Chapter 15: Halloween Special
Chapter Summary
Halloween plans, Cake, strawberries, and more of the Rookie
Chapter Notes
Remember how last chapter Issac was having issues with his teammates?? Let's explore that a bit
I hope you enjoy!
A huge thank you to its.simple.for.me and headedhorpse on threads for helping me with the Russian translations! I appreciate all the help!
Rewind a bit: Halloween Planning
Voyageurs Team Chat
October 16 7:55 PM
Cormeau
Okay since Hollander won't do it, PARTY AT MY HOUSE HALLOWEEN
Drapeau
fuck yeah!
Wilson
I'll be there. Beer or tequilla?
Cormeau
I'll have tequilla. If any of you assholes want something else, bring it
Taylor
fuckkkkk yes!
Andropov
I will bring good vodka.
Cormeau
I want everyone in a costume and no kids OR WAGS
Issac
Sorry guys, I won't be able to make it
Olsson
Wtf rook?!
Taylor
boooo lame!
Cormeau
Fucking why not?
J.J.
I have plans too. Sorry mon ami, you planned too late
Cormeau
And we all know Hollander isn't coming
Taylor
Hollz?
Shane: Yeah I'm busy
Wilson
Busy in Lily's pussy I'm sure
Drapeau
haha so fucking true
Cormeau
Elusive Lily Pussy, better than his boys
J.J.
October 16 8:13 PM
J.J.: Want to hang on Halloween and watch scary movies?
Shane: I thought you said you had plans?
J.J.: Yeah, plans to ask you to hang out by ourselves
J.J.: I know you're not seeing Lily. If you actually have plans, just tell me
Shane: No no I don't
Shane: My place?
J.J.: Oui! I'm picking the movies though
Shane: Hey! My movie picks are good!
J.J.: … you watched A Man Named Otto on the plane last week
Shane: It was good!
J.J.: It made me cry! And I was just sitting next to you!
J.J.: I'm picking
Shane: Fine fine. See you tomorrow
Blake
October 21 10:47 AM
Connor: what are we doing for Halloween?
Connor: Mario and Luigi?
Connor: popeye and his wife?
Connor: oooo captain America and winter soldier
Blake: You really want to do something?
Connor: you dont?????
Blake: I do, but I figured you'd rather stay home. We could watch a movie and pass out candy?
Connor: why would you think id rather stay home?
Connor: when do i ever not want to go out??
Blake: Con, we can't?
Blake: Babe, I love you, but do you think you're ready to get photographed wearing a couple's costume with a guy?
Connor: i don't really care anymore
Connor: rozy is hosting a team Halloween party. I want to go with you. Everything else is just noise
Blake: You want me to meet your team?
Connor: yes
Blake: As your friend?
Connor: don't be silly
Connor: if we do the Steve and Bucky thing, i'll say "guys this is my Bucky"
Blake: Yours?
Connor: is... that okay?
Blake: Yeah. Yeah that's okay.
Blake: Go buy the damn costumes
Connor: fuck yeah
Connor: i love youuuu
Blake: I love you too you fucking dork
Issac pulled his helmet off, sweat dripping from his hair from the hard practice today. The season was well underway, and with ten points already under Issac's belt, he wasn't doing too shabby if you asked him.
He's consistantly one of the first to arrive and one of the last to leave the ice. Which means as Issac stepped into the locker room still reeking of hockey gear, most of the team were freshly showered.
"Hey, Cormeau?" Issac asked as he started shucking off his gear. "I had a question about-"
Issac cut himself off as Cormeau… walked out of the locker room, shirt in his hands instead of on his body.
"What was that about, Rook?" J.J. asked from the cubby beside Issac's.
"Oh, um, that's been happening lately." A lot, Issac added mentally. It was more than just Cormeau, too. "Probably just some late hazing. It's fine."
J.J. frowned and shook his head. "Hollzy doesn't allow hazing in Montreal. You should talk to him."
"It's fine, really. It only started a few days ago, I'm sure it'll be over soon."
"Did it," J.J. said, a peculiar tone in his voice, "by any chance, start after you said you couldn't go to the Halloween party?"
Issac focused his eyes on his skates, jaw clenched. "Maybe. Coincidence."
"Rook… You actually have plans? 'Cause if not, you're joining mine."
Ilyuasha
October 26 12:24 PM
Ilya: What do you think of outfit?
Ilya: [Image: mirror selfie of Ilya in a maid Halloween costume]
Shane: Ilya!
Shane: Shit I'm with my mom right now!
Ilya: Oh no did sexy maid make you hard?
Shane: Why are you a slutty maid for Halloween??
Ilya: I lost a bet don't remind me
Ilya: It was this or this horrible Montreal player who is so short it would not be believable
Shane: You just lost FaceTime privileges.
Shane: AND I'm not that short!
Ilya: Sorry cannot hear you from up here
Shane: Fuck you
Ilya: Anytime baby)))))))))
October 31 6:46 PM
Shane: You never asked what I was dressing up as for Halloween
Ilya: I know what you're dressing as
Ilya: Something boring and predictable
Ilya: Goalie in full gear
Ilya: Austronaut in full suit
Ilya: No skin, so sad
Shane: [Image: selfie of Shane taken from his bed, a black and gold jersey the only clothes he's wearing. His hand disappears at the bottom of the screen suggestively enough to give a good idea what he's doing]
Shane: So boring. I have this stupid jersey just hanging in my closet. Maybe I should just toss it.
Ilya: What tthe actal fucjk hollabne r
Ilya: Forget fucking Halloween party
Ilya: I need to fuck you in that jersey
Shane: Party?
Ilya: Does not matter now. Cancelling my party. Need to fuck sexy man in my jersey
Shane: Who? There were thousands at your last home game.
Ilya: : Shh you are sexiest of them all
Shane: Hmm sure
Shane: Have fun at your party.
Ilya: Shannnya
Shane: What?
Ilya: Call me I will help you get off
Shane: J.J. just knocked. We're going to watch scary movies together
Shane: BUT I'll call you when he's gone. The party is at your house?
Ilya: Yes
Shane: Good. Be a good maid and we can both get off once we're alone.
Ilya: Who are you and what have you done to Shanya?
Shane: 😘
October 31 7:16 PM
Shane: Ilya
Ilya: Alone already? Party hasn't even started
Shane: No, J.J.'s here
Shane: But he brought Michaels
Ilya: The gay rookie?
Shane: He's not gay Ilya.
Shane: But yes, the rookie
Shane: ILYA I'm still in your jersey! I thought it was only going to be me and JJ, who KNOWS about us
Ilya: Okay okay
Ilya: How did he react?
Shane: Umm shocked? But I think I played it off though smoothly
Ilya: Shanya, you are not smooth
Shane: Shut up I'm trying not to throw up
Abi
October 31 7:28 PM
Issac: DUUUDE
Issac: So you know how I told you JJ offered for me to hang with him for Halloween? Turns out he's hanging with Hollander
Issac: WHO'S IN AN ILYA ROZANOV JERSEY
Abi: I don't get it?
Issac: They're like huge rivals! They hate each other's guts!
Abi: Yeah because that sounds like hate to me
Abi: Monica and I are going to a frat party i gtg
Issac: Be safe
Abi: Dude you have my location 24/7 relax
Abi: Love you idiot
Issac: Love ya too
Ilyusha
October 31 8:34 PM
Shane: Distract me
Ilya: You can take the shirt off. Is nothing.
Shane: And draw more attention to it?
Shane: Besides I wasn't talking about the shirt.
Shane: Okay, maybe partially?
Shane: J.J. put on Insidious
Ilya: Ahh you are chicken
Shane: I'm not a chicken fuck off
Ilya: It's okay. I keep scared Shanya company
Shane: I regret my decisions. Go back to your party.
Ilya: Oh but you are more interesting
Shane: Didn't know you threw such a boring party Rozanov
Ilya: Boring because you aren't here
Shane: You're a shameless flirt, Ilyusha.
Ilya: You like it, Shanya
Shane: Yeah yeah. Tell me what's going on.
Ilya: People are still showing up. It's still early
Ilya: Marleau added extra vodka to the punch even though it had plenty
Ilya: Umm one of the rookies keep sneaking drinks from his water bottle and wincing
Ilya: I'm guessing tequila? I'm going to go tell him to take a beer before he gets alcohol poisoning
Shane: Isn't he underage there?
Ilya: Stupid laws. They will do it anyways, much rather they be safe
Shane: That's true
Ilya: Oh my
Ilya: Fucking GOD
Shane: What happened?
Shane: Ilya?
Shane: Are you okay?
Ilya: Connors brought his boyfriend and they're wearing couple's costume!!
Ilya: Why didn't we do matching outfits?
Shane: Because we're five hours away from each other
Shane: Wait you're telling me Connors and his boyfriend are just… there?
Ilya: I think they are gaslighting everyone about their relationship
Ilya: [Video: Connor's dressed as Captain America and Black dressed as Bucky Barnes, hand in hand in the middle of Ilya's house while surrounded by other teammates. Connor's voice could be heard over loud thumping music, "No, I told you weeks ago, man! We've been dating since the summer. Remember Boston Pride Parade?" Marleau gaped at Connors while Carmichael's bent over from laughing so hard.]
Ilya: He's a little shit. I am so proud.
Shane: Holy shit
"Holy shit!" Issac exclaimed from the other side of the couch. He smashed the pause button on the remote as he read off his phone, eyes bright. "One of the Boston Raiders has a boyfriend and they went to the team Halloween party together."
"Yeah and Ilya said that they're gaslighting everyone to say that everyone already knew," Shane added without thinking.
Shane froze, mid-text to Ilya, as his words registered. Shit. Shit shit shit shit.
He didn't know Issac well enough yet to anticipate how he'd react to his captain being on a first name basis with their rival's captain while wearing his fucking jersey. Not like that isn't fucking suspicious.
He also hadn't gotten a good read on Issac in general. Read: Shane doesn't know if he's homophobic or not yet.
"Rozanov?" Issac tilted his head to the side curiously. "Did he text you or something?"
"Why would I have his number?" Shane scoffed, his voice harsher than he meant. "Why would he text me?"
J.J. cleared his throat. "Rook, we should probably go, non?
Issac ignored J.J. — or maybe he simply didn't care — and asked, "You two are pretty close, yeah? Beyond the rivalry. You must have a lot of respect for him."
Shane blinked quickly, his mind doing a one eighty. He expected hateful words spat out at him, but instead he got… an out? "Um… Yeah, I do. We're starting a charity together."
J.J. snapped his head around in shock. "You're what?"
"We haven't announced it yet, but we're working together to open an inclusive charity for mental health."
"By inclusive…?" Issac asked, trailing off at the end.
"We want people to know that hockey is for everyone. Any gender, any race, any identity. Hockey isn't just for straight white guys."
Issac snorted. "Sure, because people will love bringing queer into their perfect conservative sport."
Shane's blood chilled in his veins. J.J. stiffened in his seat and patted his pocket with his car keys in it. "Okay, Rook, let's get out of Hollzy's hair."
Issac frowned slightly. "Why- Wait, that was sarcasm. Did you not hear the sarcasm?"
"Not unless you have the driest sarcasm I've ever heard," J.J. said sourly.
"Oh my god, no." Issac's face went bright red. "No, no, I'm not homophobic. That would be pretty hypocritical of me."
Shane feared he'd quickly lost any sense of what the fuck was going on. The last two minutes had given him more whiplash than twenty years of playing hockey. "I-I- hypocritical?"
"Well, um…" Issac rubbed the back of his neck. "My twin sister is transgender and I'm, um, gay."
"You're… gay," Shane reiterated slowly.
"I promise, I haven't done anything, like, inappropriate. I just haven't told anyone on the team because…. well, you know what Cormeau and Drapeau and the others are like."
"Of course." J.J. voice was soft now, gentle. "We will not say anything, right Shane?"
"Of course not. I-" Shane swallowed hard. His own rookie — a kid barely eighteen — just came out to him. The least he can do is make him feel less alone in this fucking sport they're both in. "I'm gay, too. Not t- I am also gay. J.J. is the only one that knows."
"On our team," J.J. clarified. "I think half of Boston knows about you by now."
"It's not half," Shane disagreed with an eyeroll. They've had this argument before. "It's just… a few."
"Why Boston?" Issac asked. Suddenly, his eyes widened. "The jersey, Rozanov. Are you and Roz…"
Shane felt his own cheeks warm up. "I don't know what you're talking about."
"Bullshit," J.J. said and Shane could hear the smile without even looking at him. "They're definately together. Shane will tell you they're just fuck buddies or something, but you should see the texts Rozzy—"
"Since when do you call him Rozzy?" Shane felt like he was at the nexus of the universe: Nothing was making sense.
"—sent when he found out I knew. Overly territorial and very protective. I almost wore two jockstraps to our last game to keep myself protected."
Issac nodded with a playful smile. "Okay, so you're gay with something going on with Boston's captain. And you're starting a mental health charity. These are good things."
Shane allowed himself to breathe. Issac was right, he realized. Everything was good. He had Ilya, he had supportive parents, he had teammates who accepted him. "They are very good things, aren't they?"
Something familiar, like a long-lost friend, flared in Issac's chest. It felt a lot like hope.
Ilyusha
October 31 9:29 PM
Shane: Goddammit you were fucking right.
October 31 9:57 PM
Ilya: About ehat?
Ilya: Wait let me guesd
Ilya: I really qm the best hockey player
Ilya: Orrrrr
Ilya: Your rookie is actully gay?
Shane: Wipe that smug ass grin off your face or I'm not FaceTiming you later.
Ilya: What js grin? I never grin before in my life. Russians dk not dk this
Shane: Hmmumm
Shane: I hope you're having a good time.
Shane: Connors is okay? My Rookie found out because someone texted him. Make sure to warn him.
Ilya: Awew Shanya you carrree
Shane: Fuck off
Shane, J.J., and Issac were seven minutes into Insidious 2 when Shane's phone rang. When he saw the contact name, he motioned for J.J. to pause the movie.
"JANNNE!"
Shane ripped the phone away from his ear as Ilya's drunk voice shouted through it, loud enough for everyone in the room to hear.
"Jane, I need help and none of these assholes will help."
"As if Jane will know!" Marly's voice could be heard on the line.
Shane frowned. "Lily, are you okay?"
"Oh, my beautiful Jane is worried about me? Marly is asshole who won't translate for me-"
"I don't know Russian!"
"Because you haven't tried, Marleau! Jane, Jane, I forgot stupid English word for клубника."
Shane sighed heavily and pinched the bridge of his nose. "Ты позвонил мне, чтобы узнать у меня слово, которое ты забыл?" (You called me to ask me about a word you forgot?)
"Да, пожалуйста! Меня это убивает. Мне нужно знать! I call you this all the time because your freckles are so cute when you blush like клубника." (Yes, please! It's killing me. I need to know!)
Shane looked at J.J. to roll his eyes, despite the flaming red he's sure his cheeks were. "It's 'strawberry.'"
"YES! This is it! Thank you, Janya. Я тебя люблю."
Shane's stomach flipped at the words, the three special words. Ilya's said them before, but never sober. He ignored it and the butterflies filling him. "And you are very drunk. Have fun at the party."
"I will have a lot of fun when you sexy FaceTime me toniiiight." Then, Ilya, obviously not into the receiver from the volume of his voice, shouted, "Okay boys, my favorite drink is strawberry daiquiri-"
Shane hung up as he tried to remember every reason he put up with Ilya. He didn't have to count past the first one: really good dick.
"What was that about?" J.J. asked with an amused glint in his eyes.
"He's a fucking menace," Shane supplied, but he was also smiling. Ilya was his menace.
Issac, meanwhile, stared at Shane with comically large eyes. "Holy. Shit. Lily is Ilya Rozanov!"
Ilyusha
November 1 12:56 AM
Ilya: Shannnnnya
Ilya: I'm alone nw ;))))))
Ilya: [Image: very blurry selfie of Ilya, his maid outfit already half off. He had a goofy smile on his face and his eyes were unfocused.]
Shane: You're drunk, Ilyusha.
Shane: Go to sleep.
Ilya: But sexxy time!
Shane: Shush, we'll do it in the morning
Shane: If you're still alive
Ilya: Oakyyyy
Chapter End Notes
BONUS:
November 1 9:37 AM
Ilya: Oh fuck
Shane: How's the head?
Ilya: Shh I hate everything
Shane: Hmm wonder why
Shane: I'm getting McDonald's delivered to your house. The grease will help.
Shane: Listen for the doorbell.
Ilya: Thank fuck
Chapter 16: November - One Year Anniversary
Chapter Summary
Why is Ilya so clingy and affectionate- Oh no
Chapter Notes
Well, here we are! Here is the finale chapter. Thank you everyone for being on this ride with me. I hope you enjoy it as much as I enjoyed writing it <3
Thank you to ileftmyheartinnarnia for betaing this chapter! <3<3
I have several deleted scenes that I wasn't able to squeeze in this fic. I will add one uncoded in the End Notes if you want to read that one, too!
Thank you everyone so so much. Ya blublu
Ilyusha
November 1 1:27 PM
Shane: How's your hangover?
Ilyusha: Fuck me
Shane: That's what I thought
Ilyusha: McDonald's helped. Thank you
Shane: Of course. Get some sleep.
Ilyusha: Hmm okay
November 2 9:19 AM
Shane: Rozanov.
Ilyusha: Hollander?
Shane: No shut up.
Shane: [Image: a box of oreos on Shane's kitchen counter. The seal had obviously been previously opened.]
Ilyusha: Oh no
Shane: Why and WHEN did you stash oreos at my place?
Ilyusha: Last time I was there?
Ilyusha: They are good post-sex snack
Shane: No they aren't!
Shane: I have plenty of protein bars and fruit that would make better post-sex snack than this sugar glob
Ilyusha: how dare you disrespect oreos at me
Ilyusha: so mean to me
Ilyusha: you say i am asshole but you are wrong
Shane: Are you retaliating by dismissing your autocaps??
Shane: That's not an appropriately sized response
Ilyusha: perfectly sized
Ilyusha: like my dick
Shane: YOU are a dick
Shane: Fuck you
Ilyusha: yeah?
Ilyusha: how would you fuck me hmm?
Marly
November 2 9:24 AM
Marly: Hey Cap, wanna go for a workout together?
Marly: We can hit the trails over by the river?
Marly: Rozzy?
Ilya: Shush boyfriend is flirting with me
Marly: Okay? I can pick you up in 30?
Ilya: Marly he just called me a dick. I will be busy for the next two hours
Ilya: Pick me up after lunch
Marly: Jesus
Marly: I know way too much about you two now
Marly: I'll see you around 1
Marly: I'm making you do suicides with me though
Marly: And you're not even reading this are you? Fuck
Ilyusha
November 3 10:56 AM
Ilya: Chocolate or Caramel?
Shane: Protein powder?
Shane: I just do plain vanilla. Sometimes a coffee flavor if I can find it
Ilya: Shane I would not ask about your protein powder
Ilya: I have your favorite protein powder already in my cabinet
Shane: Then chocolate? But only dark chocolate!
Shane: Milk chocolate is too sweet.
Ilya: Of course it is
Ilya: Have you ever had Russian hot chocolate?
Shane: No?
Ilya: It's made with dark or bittersweet chocolate. I like to add mint to mine
Shane: Oo wait that sounds good
Ilya: I will make it for you next time ❤️
November 4 10:27 PM
Shane: Really?
Ilya: He started it
Shane: You got sent out of the game, Ilya
Shane: I heard his jaw is broken
Ilya: Probably. Dallas deserved worse
Shane: ...
Shane: Is it bad for me to say it was really hot watching you punch him?
Ilya: Oh really?
Ilya: I am so shocked
Ilya: Never expected
Shane: Shut up
Shane: And take your pants off
Ilya: I have disciplinary meeting after game. You got to be quick Hollander.
November 4 11:39 PM
Ilya: One game suspension
Shane: Could have been so much worse
Ilya: True
Ilya: It'll be so boring
Shane: Well its a punishment
Shane: Shane: But why don't I call you? I think we can turn that boredom into something
Ilya: Bigger boredom? 😉
Shane: I have my own right hand and imagination
Ilya: No no no call me please
November 5 2:11 PM
Shane: I don't think I can do this.
Ilya: Do what?
Shane: [Image: mirror selfie of Shane in a new all-purple high-end game suit]
Shane: This is a new one that Balenciaga sent me
Shane: I can't wear this?
Ilya: Holy
Ilya: Shanya you are so hot
Shane: Ilya, it's purple.
Ilya: It's a great color on you
Ilya: You are wearing this tomorrow?
Shane: I guess I have to
Ilya: I will see on my TV
Shane: You're going to watch live?
Ilya: Marly is coming over. We will watch sexy player play on not sexy team
Shane: Are you trying to flirt by bashing my own team?
Ilya: Yes. Hot for me.
Shane: Ass
November 6 5:21 PM
Ilya: Don't punch anyone today
Shane: I'm not YOU
Shane: Check your email. My mom should have sent something
Shane: I need to go suit up
Montreal played a Tuesday night game. Boston, however, had only a morning practice and no game. The timing ended up perfectly for Ilya and he made the most of it. It started with plans with Marly, then grew into something else.
So, on a Tuesday at 7:30 PM, Ilya found himself on his couch with Marly, Carmi, Connor, and Blake with the Montreal game playing on Ilya's huge TV. The smell of popcorn filled the room as everyone relaxed to watch the game.
"Fuck, what did I miss?" Connors asked as he scrambled back from the bathroom.
"Oh, um," Blake scrunched his nose, "that guy shot the puck and then that other guy hit it but it went into the stands?"
Connors rolled his eyes at his boyfriend and turned his back to him in favor of his teammates. "He's useless at hockey. What happened?"
Marly shook his head with an amused smile. "Hollander tried to shoot, but Smith intercepted and used too much force. I don't think a fan is injured this time."
Connor nodded and squeezed back into the couch beside Blake. Blake gestured to the remaining empty seats. "Con, there is so much more couch."
"Yeah, but I want to sit next to you!"
"I think you're trying to burrow inside me."
"Is that an option?"
Ilya threw a throw pillow across the room at the couple. "No fucking on my couch."
"Two minute penalty for number eighteen for delay of game. Montreal will play full strength."
"Fuck yeah, power play!" Marly hollared at the TV.
The lines change, optimizing their players for the penalty play. Ilya watches Shane take the face off, bending down with the most serious(ly sexy) look that Ilya can barely see through the television.
The puck drops and Shane attacks, slapping it to Pike. Pike skates it back before passing to Cormeau. Shane hits his stick against the ice, in position already while the other team focus on Pike and Cormeau. The puck slides to Shane, who-
"Fuck yes!" Ilya shouts as the goal horn blades through the speakers. "Look at that!"
"Holy shit," Carmi says, amazed. "I could barely see his stick!"
"My boyfriend is the fastest," Ilya says smugly.
"Don't forget he's still the enemy, Cap."
Ilya gasped in mock offense. "What do you mean? Why else would we be here if not to study tapes and learn more about Montreal for our next game?"
"Bullshitter."
Ilya winked at Marly. "Am best bullshitter — You have your own bowl in the kitchen, you little shit," Ilya said as Carmi reached his hand into Ilya's popcorn bowl.
Carmi gave his captain a smug smirk before he pointed to the television. "Oh, look! They're setting up again."
Sure enough, Shane was back at the puck drop. Though the cameras didn't pick up on the noise, the Jersey player opposite of him clearly said something that made Shane's jaw clench. Then the puck hit the ice and Shane pounced.
The second goal horn sounded as the Boston players sat staring at the television, struck dumb by what they just saw.
"Did he…"
"Holy shit."
Ilya gaped at the televised version of his boyfriend. One second of game play between two goals? Holy. Fucking. Shit. That's Shane fucking Hollander right there in all his motherfucking glory.
As the camera focused on a celebrating Hollander with a well deserved smug-ass grin on his face, Ilya stood from the couch and cheered.
"That's MY boyfriend! Did you see that fucking goal? Fucking snapshot from the puck drop!"
Marly laughed along, pulling Ilya's sleeve to get him back on the couch. "We saw it, Cap. That was a beauty."
"Fuck yeah, it was!" Ilya flopped back onto the couch, his face hurting so much from smiling, and pulled out his phone to text Shane.
Shanya
November 6 7:25 PM
Ilya: SHANE
Ilya: That goal was fucking amazing
Ilya: I will be replaying that in bed later tonight 😉 Sexiest fucking goal in history
"Rozzy!"
Ilya looked up at Carmi's voice. Shane was on the screen again with thirty seconds of power play left. He flew across the ice, puck handling down the middle. Ilya turned the volume up so they could hear the commentators better.
"Hollander on a breakaway. Jersey just can't keep up with his speed! He sets up a shot- Oh! He faked out Hellbyuck and he- He scores! Shane Hollander just made his third goal in under two minutes!"
"HOLY SHIT!" Marly shouted as he stood from the couch causing popcorn to spill to the floor.
"Frankly, this is an amazing show of athleticism from Hollander. The focus and brutality on the ice is unlike anything we've seen in recent years."
"I can't help but compare him to Ilya Rozanov, who's nickname is The Russian Menace."
"I'm not sure even Rozanov could have done what Hollander just accomplished. Wait, what's happening?"
Shane raised his hands in the air, stick high above him, as Montreal fans threw hats onto the ice all around him.
A hat trick during a power play. Fuck him, Shane's face hurt from the wide smile he couldn't help having.
That's for you, asshole, Shane thought, knowing Ilya planned to watch this game with some of his team. Try to beat that next game.
Shane musing ended when he felt a tug on his jersey. He turned around confused just for hands to shove at his chest.
"You fucking dickwad," Jersey's forward — Adams — shouted. "Why don't you fucking go back where you came from?"
Shane's blood turned cold. He made fists inside his gloves as he looked at the red-with-rage face of his opponent. "Real mature, Adams. What, you can't beat me at hockey, so you turn to racism. Real classy."
"Fuck you, Hollander, you fucking cocksucking yellow fuck." Adams made a swing, but Shane skated backwards to avoid the punch.
You know what? Fuck this. He's tired of always turning the other cheek, of being the bigger man, of letting every comment from small-dicked assholes pass to avoid an altercation.
In one fluid movement, Shane threw his gloves to the ground and punched Adams right in the mouth.
Ilya, Marly, Carmi, and Connor listen to the commentators with rapt attention and shock. Shane Hollander, goody two-shoes of the NHL, dropping gloves after getting a hat trick. All within two minutes. Jesus Christ.
Blake continued eating his own popcorn, entertained by the fight but not quite grasping the nuance of what he exactly was witnessing.
"It looks like Hollander dropped his gloves! That's not something you see from him very often."
"It sure isn't. It makes you wonder what exactly was said that caused such a reaction from a player like Hollander, whose fights we could count on one hand."
"I'm not sure we want to know. Looks like Adams is down on the ice. The refs are separating the two and we can see blood on the ice."
On the screen, Shane skated off to the Montreal penalty box. Ilya didn't see any blood on him, thank fuck. Adams, on the other hand, struggled to stand. He spat on the ice and Ilya saw something fly out of his mouth.
"Holy shit, Shanya knocked out his tooth," Ilya half-yelled. He grabbed Marly's shoulder and shook it in excitement. "Holy shit!"
"Got a damn good hit in, didn't he?" Marly said approvingly.
Ilya hummed in agreement. "More than one."
Ilya watched the replay go and felt a tightening in his pants. Fuck, Hollander looked so good angry like that, punching an asshole back into his place. Oh, what Ilya would give to be in Shane Hollander's bed tonight instead of in Boston.
Ilya almost wished he was alone watching the game. He would simply pull his pants down a bit and rub one off right there on the couch. However-
"I go piss," Ilya said to no one in particular when the commercial started.
He hurried to his bedroom bathroom and quickly locked the door. Within seconds, one hand was wrapped around his cock while the other covered his mouth to keep the moans quiet.
When Ilya came back out to the living room, the commercials were over already and the hockey game in play. Ilya sat on the couch beside Marly, who looked sideways at him.
"I hope you washed your hands," Marly muttered under his breath.
Ilya did not blush. Definately not. "I have no idea what you mean."
"You thought he was hot punching Adams, didn't you?"
"Shut up, Marleau."
Marly laughed loudly, filling the room over the commentators on the television.
Ilya relaxed back into his spot, a smile on his face as well. It felt nice, having friends around his house to watch his boyfriend play hockey, despite the cockblocking aspect of the company. His house felt full: of people, of conversation, of joy.
The walls finally stopped yelling at him at last.
Shanya
November 6 7:25 PM
Ilya: SHANE
Ilya: That goal was fucking amazing
Ilya: I will be replaying that in bed later tonight 😉 Sexiest fucking goal in history
Ilya: HOLY SHIT
Ilya: Forget what I said earlier
Ilya: You should punch more people on the ice.
Ilya: That was the sexiest fucking thing I've ever seen
November 6 11:18 PM
Shane: You liked that, huh?
Ilya: Like it?
Ilya: I had to run to the restroom to jerk off because of it
Ilya: It was so fucking hot
Shane: Wasn't Marleau and Carmichael at your place?
Ilya: And Connors with Blake.
Ilya: Your point?
Shane: Oh my god
Shane: You're shameless)))))))
Ilya: Only for you)))))))
Shane: Did you have fun with them?
Ilya: Yeah
Ilya: Was really nice
Shane: I'm glad you have them, Ilyusha. You deserve it and more
Ilya: So do you, Shanya
Shane: ❤️
Shane: Now, are you alone? I want to celebrate for some reason
Ilya: I already have my tripod set up 😉
November 7 11:58 AM
Ilya: Pickles: sweet or dill?
Shane: Dill
Ilya: Right answer
Shane: Who the fuck would like sweet pickles?
Ilya: Connors
Shane: Gross
November 8 10:02 AM
Shane: I heard you're sick?
Ilya: Cannot be sick. Am Russian
Shane: That sounds like something a sick person would say.
Ilya: Lies
Shane: So I'll see you on the ice tonight? Thinking of watching the Boston game tonight.
Ilya: Ah no. I am out for… other reasons?
Shane: Sure. Sure you are.
November 8 3:45 PM
Ilya: [link]
Ilya: Momma used to make this when I was sick
Ilya: I miss her. I miss her food and her touches and her voice
Shane: Oh Ilyusha
Shane: Are you making that tonight?
Ilya: Yeah
Shane: Can I cook with you? No talking necessary.
Ilya: I would like that
Ilya: Thank you Shanya
Shane: Of course.
Shane: (Not sick my ass)
Ilya: (Shh be nice to me)
November 9 2:33 PM
Shane: [link]
Shane: I'm making this tonight
Shane: My mom used to make it on the first snowfall of the year
Ilya: Hmm I dont have all ingredients
Ilya: Give me two hours for food delivery and I will call you
Shane: Sounds Good!
Shane: You feeling better?
Ilya: So much gosh
November 9 10:53 PM
Ilya: Hey?
Ilya: Are you awake?
November 10 7:26 AM
Shane: Sorry, passed out early.
Ilya: Training too hard Hollander?
Shane: Oh, you know. I have a rivalry to win
Ilya: Hmm you mean lose?
Shane: Nope))))))))
November 11 7:26 PM
Ilya: Are we still calling tonight?
Ilya: Shane?
Shane: Sorry I fell asleep on the couch for a bit.
Ilya: The couch? Are you okay?
Shane: Yeah! Yeah, I've just been doing some extra training with Issac
Ilya: Issac?
Shane: Michaels. Our rookie.
Ilya: Ahh
Ilya: If you are too tired, is okay
Ilya: You never fall asleep on couch
Ilya: I understand
Ilya: Shane?
Ilya: I think you fell asleep. Goodnight Shanya, I hope you get lots of rest ❤️
November 12 4:09 PM
Ilya: Our schedules fucking suck
Ilya: 😞
Ilya: But we can still do FaceTime dinner on the 15th, yes?
Ilya: I miss you. Wish I could see you in person 😔
Shane looked at his Ilya's text messages as if the words would decode itself. Ilya had been clingy lately. Not that Shane minded, but it just felt… off somehow. Like there was something else going on as well that Shane had missed.
"Shane whats wrong?" Hayden asked from beside him.
Jackie had taken the girls for a spa day for their birthday, so Shane came by to hang with Hayden after practice and help set up for the twins' birthday dinner that night. Arthur currently sat on the floor with a coloring book while the baby monitor showed Amber still asleep in her crib.
"Lily keeps acting… I dont know? She keeps saying she misses me and all these pet names?"
"Pet names?"
"Yeah, in her language-"
"-which is Russian, yes I know."
Shane paused for a second, forgetting that Hayden knew about the Russian. Fuck, he forgot that he had called Andropov out months ago. In front of the whole team. "Right. They translate to, like, bunny? Once, she called me sunshine. Strawberry. My heart."
"Okay?"
"I don't know man, its just… I know she slept around, which is fine. Completely fucking fine if thats what she wants to do-"
"Sounds fine, sure."
"-but now we're exclusive and I can't help but hear these things and want to be more, you know?" Shane sighed. "Fuck, Hayden, I want to hold her hand and go on dates together. I know we signed up for casual, but I can't stay casual when she calls me her fucking heart in Russian!"
"Buddy-"
"Do you know she told me she loves me while she was drunk? Twice!"
"Shane," Hayden gripped Shane's shoulders firmly, "I need you to take a deep breath and listen to me, okay bud?"
Shane nodded and breathed in through his nose.
"Lily is your girlfriend. No, no, don't interrupt. The pet names, staying overnight, the virtual dates. Either you're dating and you forgot or Lily thinks you're dating and you didn't get the memo."
"Hay-"
"When did this start? The extra attention?"
Shane knew the answer. Boston, tuna melts, sleeping, morning smoothiess, and a door.
"Last November. The first time I spent the night with her in Boston."
"Okay, good. Did anything different happen?"
Lots of different things happened. They had a meal together — two, actually — they talked, they slept, they made love instead of just fucking.
More.
"We could do more. More like this."
Ilya said this before Shane walked out the door.
More.
More like be a fucking couple.
"That motherfucker," Shane muttered, completely fucking appalled.
Hayden frowned. "Maybe don't call your girlfriend a motherfucker, yeah?"
"No, no, Hayden. Hayden, on the way out- oh my fucking God, we've been dating for almost year."
"Yeah, you have."
"The fifteenth! She wanted me to come over for the fifteenth for dinner and- Fuck, it's our one year anniversary in three fucking days."
Hayden nodded slowly. Dammit, Hayden probably thought Shane was a complete idiot. "Okay, Shane, we can figure this out. Trust me, at least you caught it before you missed it completely."
Shane looked at his best friend. Fuck, fuck how did this all mess up so badly. The entire year of phone calls, of dates, of deep conversations. A year of Shane coming out to random people and Ilya revealing himself to his team one at a time.
Oh fuck.
"Hayden? Hayden, I need to tell you something. It's really important and you might not like it. Well, you definately won't like it at first, but it's- it's a good thing, I swear."
"Shane?" Hayden looked at Shane concerned. "What's wrong?"
"Lily is not Lily. Lily is a codename for the guy I'm evidently dating. Fuck, I have a boyfriend. Shit," Shane breathed heavily and started pacing in front of the fireplace. "I didn't let him meet my parents last summer! I fucking- shit."
Hayden, still standing frozen where he was, blinked slowly. "Lily is… Okay, woah. Shane?" He looked over at Shane who looked on the verge of a panic attack. "Hey, Shane, look at me. Deep breath. Yes, that's it. First of all, thank you for telling me."
"Hayden-"
"No. Thank you for telling me. It looked hard for you, but I'm glad you did." Hayden smiled at his best friend. "We're good, right?"
"Right. Thank you, Hayden. It's just- It's been so long and I've never really planned to tell anyone before. People just keep finding out."
"Anyone?"
"Well, I told my parents I'm gay this summer, but they don't know who… Lily is."
"You know, we can use his real name. What is it?"
"Ilya."
"Ilya? That's funny. You're dating a Russian guy named Ilya who just so happens to live… in Boston…"
Shane grimaced slightly at Hayden's slowly widening eyes. "Surprise?"
"Holy shit. I need to sit down."
"I'm so sorry, Hayds. I know it's a shock and-"
"No, no, Shane I don't care about that. J.J. was right?!"
Shane blinked in surprise. This was not what he expected. "J.J. what?"
"J.J.! He had this whole conspiracy theory about you and Ilya then over the summer: POOF! He pretended like I was the fucking crazy one."
"Oh, um, I think that's when he found out?"
"That motherfucker!"
Ilyusha
November 13 10:56 AM
Ilya: Are you at practice?
Hayds
November 13 10:58 AM
Shane: Thanks for being a good friend about all of this.
Hayds: of course man
Hayds: as long as he treats you right thats what matters
Shane: He really does.
Shane: God I'm such a fucking idiot
Hayds: hey don't talk about my friend like that
Hayds: what are you going to do?
Shane: Send him a shit load of flowers??? What do you do to say "hey sorry I didn't realize we were dating for almost a year and our anniversary is this week but at least i know now"
Hayds: still can't believe it's been one year
Shane: Since official, yeah I guess?
Hayds: havent you been texting him since 2013?
Shane: 2010. We first hooked up when we were 18.
Hayds: Jesus Christ Shane
Hayds: go tell your boyfriend that you love him and whatnot
Shane: I can't just do it via text!
Shane: I don't even know what to say to him right now
Hayds: so what are you going to do? fly to boston?
Shane: No, but I need to do something.
Ilyusha
November 14 11:11 PM
Ilya: Are you okay?
Shane: Yeah why?
Ilya: You haven't answered me for a couple days
Shane: Sorry, been super busy.
Ilya: Is okay
Ilya: Are you free to FaceTime tonight?
Shane: No, I have plans.
Ilya: Oh okay
Shane: Sorry
Shane dropped his phone on the couch beside him with a loud groan. He genuinely felt bad about blowing Ilya off yet again, but he didn't know how to act fucking normal about everything he'd figured out.
He needed to do something about it, but Shane didn't know what to do. Two days ago, Shane didn't have a boyfriend. Today, he had to plan for a one year anniversary and frankly? He was freaking the fuck out.
Shane sat on his couch, leg bouncing from anxiety as he looked through a Bostonian flower shop's catalog. Should he get Ilya… Lilies? Roses? Did Ilya even ever fucking mention liking flowers at all?
Fuck fuck fuck.
Shane looked at the time on his phone. 11:23 PM on November 14th.
It's their anniversary in forty-seven minutes.
And Shane can't figure out what stupid flowers to send to his boyfriend.
"Did we ever even fucking talk about flowers?" Shane grumbled to himself. Expecting nothing, he types "flowers" in the search bar of their texts. Except, something does pop up:
Lilyusha
May 16 10:46 AM
Lilyusha: what is favorite flower
Shane: I've never really thought of it before honestly.
Lilyusha: really?
Shane: Hold on I'm looking up pictures.
Lilyusha: are you doing research for flowers?
Lilyusha: shane?
Shane: Dahlias
Shane: Or orchids
Shane: Do orchids count as flowers? They're like… a mini tree? The stem is different.
Lilyusha: yes they are flowers. they are not trees but trees have flowers too
Lilyusha: like cherry blossoms
Shane: Are cherry blossoms your favorite?
Lilyusha: no
Lilyusha: sunflowers
Shane: Those are pretty too :)
Shane gaped at the messages. He totally forgot about these, a simple throwaway conversation for Shane that must have meant more for Ilya.
Oh, Shane was so fucking stupid.
He needed to do more than just flowers. After all the effort and planning Ilya had done for the past year that Shane could see in hindsight, Shane needed to make a big gesture.
Hayden's text flashed in Shane's mind: what are you going to do? fly to boston?
Shane made the decision in that second. He jumped to his feet and grabbed his car keys. He needed to fill up his tank before he could hit the road and he wasn't going to waste another minute.
The interstate at night felt a special sort of peaceful to Shane. Empty lanes, florescent lights on the asphalt, no horns blaring in the middle of traffic.
Just Shane, his car, and the empty road for five hours. He double checked his GPS: arriving at 6:06 AM.
Shane ended up arriving in Boston at 6:21 AM due to a very much needed coffee stop somewhere in Vermont. Despite being in the same city, Shane didn't head straight to Ilya's house. No, he needed to run some errands first.
At fifteen til eight, Shane called Ilya on the phone. He feared it would go to voicemail, but Ilya picked up on the last ring.
"Shanya? You are okay?"
"Yeah, I'm fine. I mean- Sorry, did I wake you?"
"No no, I always wake up when the sun rises at dawn. I already ran a half marathon."
Shane rolled his eyes at the sarcasm, but really, he was charmed. "Well, if that's the case, you should open your front door for me."
"For- what?"
Shane heard commotion on the other end of the phone, followed by a few grunts. Shane stayed on the line until he heard the deadbolt flip.
Shane stood on Ilya's front porch with a bouquet of flowers — sunflowers, dahlias, and daisies — in his arm while he holds a Dunkin box in one hand and his phone in the other.
"Shane?" Ilya stood there, wrapped only in a sheet around his hips, shocked.
Shane smiled, feeling vulnerable and awkward just standing there. "Hi. Um, happy anniversary."
"What- How-" Ilya pulled Shane into the house, closed the door, and before he knew it, Ilya's mouth was on Shane's. "I thought you couldn't make the drive today, yes?"
Shane shrugged and set the Dunkin and flowers on the entry table. "I made it work."
"How exactly did you make it work?"
"I called in sick. Well, I technically texted my couch at midnight, but whatever. I wanted to be here more."
Ilya smiled wide at Shane and fuck Shane felt himself soften inside. This was his boyfriend. The thought made him all warm inside.
"Thank you, Shanya. This is-" Ilya cleared his throat and quickly rubbed his nose with his thumb. "What donuts did you get? You better have gotten a Boston Creme."
Shane smirked. Of course he remembered to get Ilya's favorite. "Of course. For myself, though."
Ilya opens the box and wiggled his eyebrows teasingly. "Hmm, I will steal it then."
Ilya sat across his dining table from Shane. They spent the day together doing the usual things: sex, video games, lunch, shower, sex, nap. For dinner, they finally got the chance to cook together, in the same kitchen.
Ilya enjoyed it, one of the best days he's had, except-
Shane had acted awkward all day.
Even by Shane Hollander standards, his behavior was… strange. Eye contact was even less than normal, stammering and aborted sentences fill their stifled conversations.
During dinner, Shane still refused eye contact. Conversation felt stiff and really, Ilya couldn't pinpoint exactly what it was. But it was after the third vivid blush durung the mean that Ilya decided it had been enough.
"You are acting weird," Ilya accused softly. He's more confused than upset, but he needed Shane to actually talk to him. Not avoid his texts like he had been for the last couple days.
"I am not."
"Yes, Shane, you are." Ilya sat his fork down and leaned back in his chair. He tried to keep his face neutral despite the dread filling his body. "You came here to break up with me."
"What?!"
"Why else, Shane? You've stopped texting me back, you show up randomly, you are acting very weird-"
"I'm not breaking up with you!"
"Then why are you acting weird?"
Shane looked down at his plate and moved his food around. "I wanted to spend time with my b-boyfriend on our anniversary. I've missed you and I hate pretending that I don't."
Something was weird with the way he said boyfriend. As if it was a new word for Shane. "But why pretend? I text you every week saying I miss you, but you never-"
Something clicked in Ilya's head. The awkwardness which could be shyness if Ilya thought about it. The stammering and avoidance and general wobbling-like-a-baby-deer of the entire day. Shane was acting like he was at the beginning, when everything was new between them.
"Shane, you are acting like you just realized we are dating," Ilya said slowly, hoping for Shane to laugh and tell him of couse not, what a silly thing! Instead, Shane looked up at him with guilt in his eyes.
Ilya covered his mouth. "Holy shit. You- I-"
"I didn't realize by more you meant boyfriends!"
"What else would I mean? Party planner buddies? Fuck!"
"Ilya, I am so sorry."
"Fuck, I've told you that I love you, Shane."
"I know, but if you-"
"So that's it then? You aren't breaking up with me because you don't think we were ever even official. That's it, right?"
"Ilya-"
"You know, this could have been a text."
"Ilya-"
"Instead of you coming here with your flowers and your dinner plans and-"
"Jesus, fuck, Ilya. Can I get two seconds to explain myself?"
Ilya crossed his arms. His eyes burned and his nose felt like it was on fire. But he gestured for Shane to explain himself.
"I didn't realize. I thought by more you meant like… exclusive and- and I don't know. But this last year: all the texts and the calls and the meet-ups? I have loved it all. I missed you when you weren't by me, I looked forward to our FaceTime calls. So no, I didn't exactly realize we were dating, but it has also been the best year of my life."
"So, what are you saying Hollander?"
"I am saying," Shane said slowly as he lifted his glass, "here's to us, boyfriends."
Ilya watched Shane for a long second, gauging his expression and his words. After a moment of consideration, Ilya raised his own drink and tapped the glass against Shane's Canady Dry. "Us. Happy anniversary, Shanya."
"Happy anniversary. And…"
Ilya sighed semi-dramatically. "What else is there? You don't need to ap-"
"I love you," Shane rushed out. Ilya gaped at his quickly reddening boyfriend. Shane fiddled with his soda top to avoid eye contact once again. "I know you've said it before and I thought- thought that you had slipped up, but-"
"I love you too, Shanya."
"Even after this? After I majorly fucked up?"
"Especially after this, you idiot," Ilya reassured with a growing grin. "But I will never let you forget."
"Asshole."
"Your asshole."
Shane rolled his eyes, but he picked his fork back up. This felt like familiar territory, the teasing each other, the banter. "Hell yeah you are."
One Year Later -- Ottawa, CA
Hollander Family
November 9 8:34 PM
Yuna
Dinner on Thursday this week? You are both free, correct?
Ilya: Sorry, Yuna. Thursday is Shane's anniversary.
Shane
Ilya.
David
Oh, anniversary for what?
Ilya: It is Shane's one year anniversary of our relationship
Shane
Ilya, I swear to God.
Ilya: What? Is day you realized we were dating!
Ilya: And Sunday is my two year anniversary, so we will be busy then too
Shane
You mean OUR two year anniversary?
Ilya: Umm no
Ilya: You did not know we were dating. You do not get to celebrate that year
Yuna
He has a point sweetie.
Shane
Mom!
Ilya: Thank you, Yuna. You are favorite Hollander
Shane
I'm going to bed.
David
Oh, Ilya, I got one of those mystery puzzles for us to do
Ilya: And this is why you are second favorite
Shane
Wait, so I'm your least favorite her?!
Yuna
It's not a contest, honey.
Shane
Oh it's absolutely a contest.
My Shanya
November 9 9:11 PM
My Shanya: Game fucking on Rozanov
Ilya: Whatever could you mean?
My Shanya: Get your fucking tripod out and FaceTime me. Now.
Ilya: Fuck. Yes okay hold on
Chapter End Notes
Thank you all so so much for reading. If you like the story, I have much more to come!! If you want to, follow me on Tumblr
! 💚💚Love, Verdant 💚
Bonus Scene:
When I first wrote Issac (before his name was even Issac!) this is how he came out to Shane. This is set in the following March after Shane realized he and Ilya were dating:
Shane and Issac texts:
Shane: Hey, man! I heard you asked for a trade from management. I probably shouldn't text you, but I just wanted to tell you that I think you're a great guy and a great player. You're going to be an asset on any team you go to.
Issac: Thanks, that means a lot
Issac: For what it's worth, it has nothing to do with you or anything
Issac: It's just hard to be on a team with homophobic pricks like Cormeau and Drapeau and Olsson
Issac: I don't need that shit in my life and honestly? It's only a matter of time before I punch the shit out of them haha
S: Oh? I didn't realize things like that were happening. I'll definately address it and let management know
Issac: Just keep my name out of it please
Issac: I'm gay af but those assholes don't need to know that
S: You're
S: Sorry I hit the send button by mistake
S: Thank you for telling me. I won't tell anyone, obviously.
Issac: Duh? You went to Montreal Pride last year man. You're like… allyship, right?
S: Right
___
Shane and Ilya texts
Shane: You were right
Ilya: Yes
Ilya: This is about how I properly cooked the chicken last week yes?
Ilya: Because they were perfectly cooked and you saying they were raw is blasphemous
Shane: Ilya they were fucking pink!
Ilya: No they weren't!
Shane: Shush
Shane: You were right about Michaels
Ilya: Ah yes gay boy
Shane: I'm fucking done with you tonight
Ilya: Love you to Shanya!
Afterword
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