Chapter 1
Cap Dec 23, 2018 Cap: Here. Cap: (613) 241-XXXX Cap: Is girlfriends number. Hammersmith: Holy shit!!! Hammersmith: U finally lock it down with Jane? Hammersmith: Lex is gonna be pumped! Cap: Yes, it is good Cap: My Jane is very shy. Make her welcome. Hammersmith: Anything you say, Cap 🫡 Boston WAGs Dec 27, 2018 Jane has been added to the groupchat Alexis: Hey, Jane! Welcome to the club Jenna: Someone else get a girl? Piper: Did Cliff finally settle down? I worry about him. Maddie: LOL. Chloe: Hi Jane! Jenna: Hey Janneee Alexis: You guys are gonna scare her away. Alexis: She’s Rozanov’s girlfriend. Maddie: WHAT Chole: As in Ilya Rozanov? Maddie: HI JANE!! Chloe: The Russian Rozanov? Piper: Our Captain’s girl! Does that make her our new leader? Alexis: Please, I’ve run out of charcoal 3x this year hosting the cookouts and it’s only May. Alexis: Rozy said Jane is shy and to make her feel welcome <3 Rachel: Of course you’re welcome here, Jane! Ilya Dec 28, 2018 Jane 💦🔥💕🥰: I’m going to kill you. Jane 💦🔥💕🥰 : What the actual fuck is wrong with you. Ilya: My Jane is so lonely while i skate around country so now you have friends Ilya: I know you are too boring to make friends by yourself Ilya: So, I do it for you Boston WAGs Dec 28, 2018 Jane: Wow, hello. Jane: I definitely feel more than welcome. Jane: Thanm you. Jane: I mean thank you. Jane: Sorry, I’m at the airport. Maddie: You’re so sweet 🥰 Maddie: What the hell are you doing with Rozanov. Piper: Maddie! Maddie: What! Jane: Haha. Jane: That is funny. Jane: Ilya is an asshole. Alexis: But… Rachel: You call him Ilya 😍😍 Jane: But…I’m not entirely sure what his problem is actually. Jenna: 😂😂😂 Jane: He is sweet to though. Jane: My parents love him. Piper: HE MET YOUR PARENTS?? Chloe: And you haven’t met the team yet? Alexis: Excellent priorities, Chloe. Jane: My dad kinda walked in on us, so we had to rush it a bit. Jenna: You guys can’t lock a door? Alexis: Sounds like Rozy. Jane: We were outside. Jane: Dressed! Jane: Well, kind of. Jane: Nothing weird, I swear! Jenna: I don’t know why I’m surprised, that is exactly how Rozanov would meet the in-laws Alexis: And they still love him. Definitely Rozy. January 3rd, 2019 Piper: Do you think the team would be fined if I kneecap Hollander in the parking lot before the game? Alexis: Not if you don’t get caught. Maddie: Were on boston turf, we know where all the cameras are Jane: These messages might be incriminating. Piper: Good thinking, Jane Piper: I see you must be where Rozy is getting his impulse control from. Jenna: He only got sent to the penalty box twice playing new york last night! Jane: I gave him a little treat last time he made it through a Montreal game without any bloodshed. Jane: :) Jane: Wiat Jane: ;) Jane: Winkemoji 😉 Maddie: Omg Maddie: So, can we start asking about Rozy in bed because I’ve been dying since you were added Alexis: Love the spirit but if why not let Rozy let his aggression out on them, Hollander is the only thing thats stopping us from being the greatest team in the league Jenna: We ARE the greatest in the league Jane: Well, if you look at the statistics, not quite Jane: But, Ilya is the best captain Jane: Heartemoji ❤ Maddie: Aww Maddie: So, he’s a freak in the sheets, right? Piper: Girl 😂 Alexis: You were just plotting an assault and battery, Pipe 😂😂 Jane: He likes to take all his energy out on me when he plays against Montreal. Jane: I don’t think I’ve ever ended a Montreal v Boston game night able to walk straight. Jenna: Wow… Piper: Say more Alexis: Considering how he throws Hollander around on the ice, I’m worried about you girl 😂 Jane: Oh, he does love to throw me around. Jane: Haha. Jane: He cuddles too loveemoji 🥰 Jane: He won’t let me get up some mornings Jane: I love it. Alexis: Rough and tender… Alexis: You think he could give Cliff some tips? Maddie: Maybe he can teach the entire locker room some stuff Piper: I wouldn’t mind 😂 Jane: I tied him up once. Maddie: JANE Piper: JANE Jenna: JANE Jane: This is fun. I don’t really talk about sex with anyone but Ilya. Jane: Then we just end up having sex. Alexis: Aw, Jane, you need a girlfriend in your life Jane: I’ve been told that before. Piper: Well, you got us now! Piper: Does he cry Piper: Victor cries during sex. Jane: Ilya does before Jane: And after. Lily 💞💞💞 January 4th, 2019 Lily 💞💞💞 : Why are you telling wives and girlfriends that I cry Lily 💞💞💞 : Liar you are lying. you cry. Shane: It’s girl talk. Shane: You wouldn’t get it. Boston Raiders January 21st, 2019 Cap: If I could bench girlfriends i would Cap: But cannot Cap: So you will all be skating laps from now until playoffs Hammersmith: What the fuck, Captain Marleau: I’m single! Marleau: Leave me out of this! Cap: Marleau will sit on bench with me while team does suicides. yes? Marleau: Yes 🙌 Carmichael: Can we say no? Simmons: What are we being punished for? Cap: Your girlfriends are making my girlfriend keep secrets Cap: Laughs at phone and will not show me what’s funny Cap: I should laugh with her Cap: We are eating dinner, she is on phone texting Cap: She should be texting me Carmichael: Why would she text you if you’re with her?? Cap: She tells them about annoying work friends before she tells me Cap: I will beat up coworker for her, what will WAGs do. Nothing. Hammersmith: They’re making her feel welcome!! Cap: And now I am unwelcome? Simmons: Theyre girls Cap: Jane is not girl Simmons: Ladies Cap: No, definitely not lady St Simon: the WAGs have their own thing St Simon: We can’t encroach on that St Simon: It’s sacred Boston WAGs April 2nd, 2019 Piper: Kent? Alexis: PASS Jenna: BOOO 👎👎 Maddie: Yuck 🤢 Piper: LOL y’all are brutal Jane: What are we talking about? Alexis: We’re doing smash or pass with some hockey players. Jane: Like… Jane: In what sense. Jane: Smash like checking them? Jenna: Jane I love you Chloe: I wouldn’t mind getting the chance to check Kent on the ice Alexis: Haha, smash like fuck. Alexis: And pass like ew no. Maddie: We’ve never played with Jane before!! Rachel: Oooh, that makes this way more interesting Jane: Oh. Jane: Smash Ilya Jane: Pass… everyone else? Jenna: BOOO Jenna: BORING 🥱 Alexis: Janeee, of course you’d smash your boyfriend. The point is.. hypothetically who else would you give a chance. Jane: I don’t know Piper: We give you choices! Piper: We can do rapid fire!! Chloe: Hunter Jane: He’s like one thousand years old Jane: Pass Chloe: Damn Alexis: LMAO Alexis: Please don’t hold back Rachel: Donovan Jane: Pass. Jenna: he’s cute Jenna: Crosby? Jane: Pass. Alexis: I got it. Alexis: Hollander Alexis: No way you can pass on that ass Piper: Yeah, even I can’t pass up on Hollander. Montreal Jersey comes OFF though. Jane: Pass. Rachel: YOU ARE LYINGGG Piper: Girl this is a safe space, we won’t tell Ilya Piper: No way you wouldn’t hit that Chloe: We ALL would take turns Jane: Oh, wow. Jane: He’s just not my type. Maddie: Jane.. name the hottest person in the world that you can think of. Jane: Ilya. Maddie: We won’t tell the team, you can be honest Jane: Ilya is the sexiest man I have ever seen Chloe: Seriously? Chloe: Like don’t get me wrong he is hot as FUCK don’t get me wrong Chloe: But you’ve been together for so long, doesn’t he ever start to feel a little.. plain Jane: Ilya is the hottest man alive! Jane: He could never get boring. Jane: He’s also so sweet to me. Jane: I literally can’t imagine touching someone else. Jenna: Smash or pass just took an unexpectedly sweet turn Jenna: I’m definitely hearing wedding bells.. right Jane: Oh, I don’t know. Jane: Well, maybe. Jane: We’ve talked about forever, but more .. abstract. Nothing as concrete as marriage. Alexis: The boys have been complaining about Ilya never going out anymore. You’ve domesticated the wildest boy in the MLH. I think you can float the idea of the concrete. Jane: Maybe.. Boston Raiders April 4th, 2019 Cap: I am buying wives and girlfriends all tennis bracelets. Cap: 24k Gold. Cap: Tell me wrist size. Hammersmith: So, when you’re mad at the WAGs, we get punished, but when you’re happy with them, THEY get rewarded. Cap: Yes. Cap: Alexis prefers silver, no?
Chapter 2: Conspiracy
Chapter Summary Jane: He tries to clean up after himself, he just gets distracted easily. Piper: Oh, I’m sure. Piper: Babeee, I need you sooo bad, I’ll pick up the clothes tomorrrowwww Jane: How’d you know he said that…
Chapter Notes
i had to write a chapter real quick after all the comments and kudos’ i received! it’s a lot more slice of life but i hope you still like it <3 See the end of the chapter for more notes Boston WAGs June 19th, 2019 Jane: So Piper: Omg Jane starting the conversation Piper: Everyone be quiet Rachel: No one has texted this chat in like 18 hours Jane: Can I have some advice? Piper: YES Chloe: Of course! Alex: What do you need, babe Jane: It’s just Ilya. Jane: No matter how many times I tell him to put his dirty clothes in the hamper, they always end up on the floor Jane: And he doesn’t fold any of his laundry, just stuffs it in the drawers. Jane: There are socks all over my bathroom floor. Alexis: Rozy noooo Piper: I expected better from him Jenna: What can you do, he’s still a guy. Jane: Guys can be hygienic Alexis: Your last boyfriend must’ve set your expectations too high. Jane: Ilya’s actually my first boyfriend. Jane: I don’t want to nag, but I think I’m going to drown him in his next ice bath if I trip over his sneakers in front of the bedroom door again Piper: FIRST BOYFRIEND??? Chloe: FIRST!!!! Alexis: Janeeee Alexis: Sweet sweet Rachel: Sweet Jane just threatened to murder our captain Alexis: Sweet Jane, I say this as an expert WAG. You need to wrangle that man. They spend all this time in hotels with maid service, you can’t let them think the house comes with a maid too Piper: Yeah, nag his ass. Jane: He tries to clean up after himself, he just gets distracted easily. Piper: Oh, I’m sure. Piper: Babeee, I need you sooo bad, I’ll pick up the clothes tomorrrowwww Jane: How’d you know he said that… Piper: It’s Boyfriend Excuse 101 Alexis: There’s only one way to nip this in the bud Alexis: Sex Ban Piper: Sex Ban Chloe: Sex Ban Jenna: Sex Ban Jane: Sex BAN? Jane: Like no sex?? Jane: At all??? Piper: Three question marks LOL girl breathe Jane: It’s just with it being off season, I don’t want to waste any time together Jane: That’s all
Piper: Right Chloe: We’re not saying to tell him to take a hike Chloe: Just no hanky panky until he gets it together. You can still have your Captain Cuddles that you love. Alexis: You can still cook together Rachel: And do your morning runs Piper: Just where those activities might usually lead to a happier ending… they won’t Jane: But I want him to be happy Piper: … I don’t know if you know what I’m talking about. Alexis: Happy endings as in orgasms Jane: I want him to do that to. Piper: Right 😂 Alexis: The whole thing is he learns no cleaning up after himself, no sex Alexis: And he cleans up after himself. Alexis: You have to train them. Jane: Like a dog haha Alexis: You got it. Jane: What about hand stuff? Piper: NO Alexis: The training is faster if you go cold turkey Jane: That makes sense. Ok! Rachel: Wait, if he was your first boyfriend was he also your first… everything else Piper: SPILL Boston Raiders June 19th, 2019 Cap: We are friends, no? Hammersmith: Of course Cap: I go to birth of babies Cap: I am best man at Weddings Cap: I pick up little hockey players from school when you are busy Hammersmith: Right, right Cap: And this is how I am repaid Cap: No sex? Marleau: Bro what Carmichael: Is this an english barrier thing Simmons: ??? St Simon: I’m gonna wait this one out Cap: Jane and I have good time. We cook, we kiss. We get in hot tub. Marleau: That sounds awesome Cap: IS awesome. Is perfect. Cap: We made spaghetti pasta. Water temperature was perfect in hot tub. Simmons: Right ok Cap: Now she is in bed reading book, while I have red balls St Simon: Red? Hammersmith: You mean blue? Cap: Who fucking cares what color are the balls. She will not have sex with me. Simmons: Ohhh, that makes so much more sense Hammersmith: Whatd you do Cap: What did I do?? Cap: Ask what YOUR wife and girlfriends did Cap: Telling Jane not to have sex Cap: That I make Boyfriend 101 excuse Cap: Now I’m cleaning drains I did not know exist in this fucking house Hammersmith: She got you bad cap 😂😂 St Simon: Just do whatever she says for a couple days and it’ll be fine Cap: Couple of days Cap: I hope my english is failing because this will not be couple of days Cap: I already do whatever she wants Cap: So i leave clothes on floor sometimes Cap: Have been doing this for many years. I leave on floor, Jane picks up and folds, I laugh. Cap: And now she has group chat and does not have sex even though we are both horny. Carmichael: I forget how long you two have been together Lol Cap: Yes, since before I have known any of you fucks, yet as soon as I introduce, I have conspiracy against me. Cap: Horrible. Marleau: Man, just do your laundry 😂 These things blow over quick, ya know Cap: Do not know Cap: Is stupid. Simmons: All relationships have stupid fights, you gotta pick your battles St Simon: Laundry is like introduction to couples fight Marleau: Yeah, you know how girlfriends get Hammersmith: What do u know about girlfriends, Marly Cap: Would not know, this is first relationship. Hammersmith: Aw, are we talking through Captain’s first blue balls Cap: Aw? I can still make life hell during off season Hammersmith: Sorry 🫡 Simmons: Man, this girls gotta be wild in the sack for this conversation to be happening Cap: Yes, is a beast. And if you ever think of my Jane having sex again then having time on ice will be least of your concerns Cap: Denied sex during pride month, can you believe Simmons: Man, what?? Marleau: Cap 😂😂😂 Jane 💦🔥💕🥰 June 19th, 2019 Ilya: Laundry is in machine. Ilya: I use special detergent for your delicate baby skin Jane 💦🔥💕🥰: Fuck you. Ilya: Please. Jane 💦🔥💕🥰: You are so annoying Ilya: I also sorted refrigerator out. Put produce with produce and meats with meats. I know you have been busy. Jane 💦🔥💕🥰: Come to bed. Ilya: But laundry still has half hour. Jane 💦🔥💕🥰: Now. Boston WAGs June 19th, 2019 Jane: Sex Ban Lifted Jane: Celebrateemoji 🎉 Alexis: It hasn’t even been 12 hours. Piper: Jane, you gotta stand up Chloe: No, I get it, if my boyfriend looked like Rozanov… Jane: No one looks like Ilya Chloe: Sorry?? Alexis: LMAO Alexis: Retract the claws, Jane Jane: Ilya did laundry and organized the fridge. Jane: He ever sorted the fruit by color for me flexemoji 💪 Piper: I love the way you two love Boston Raiders June 20th, 2019 Simmons: I’m scared to get back on the ice with a Rosanov with blue balls Marleau: Dude LOL Marleau: Oh yeah, someone’s getting brain damage Hammersmith: Can’t get what you already have Marleau: Dude ??? St Simon: We survived whatever was going on in 2016. we’ll be fine. Cap: Is all good Hammersmith: Hello Hammersmith: It hasn’t been been a day Simmons: Teach me your ways Cap: I just know how to please my Jane Cap: I am sorry for wives and girlfriends, having husbands and boyfriends who cannot organize their refrigerator St Simon: Is that a russian sex thing Cap: It makes sense. I am best boyfriend. Cannot beat. Boston WAGs October 9th, 2019 Rachel: John said he saw Rozanov’s back in the locker room Rachel: And it looked like a tiger attacked him Piper: Omg Chloe: Jane???? Alexis: Weren’t you just mad at him for leaving you on read. We’ve talked about this, stay strong!! Jane: But the sex is better when I’m mad. Piper: She’s hopeless 😔
Chapter End Notes
i have the big reveal chapter all planned out but want to dedicate a day off to writing it! im not sure if i should continue adding chapters or make this into a series either, but i’ll definitely keep adding to this universe!! i thrive on whipped ilya and shane running shit.
Chapter 3: Jane???
Chapter Summary Alexis: Jane? Alexis: Where’d you go?
Chapter Notes
all the love and comments are so appreciated oh my god <33 i will reply to them all when i have off ilyyyy (please keep them coming!!) i hope u enjoy this chapter!! ilya doesn’t suffer (as much) but im finding some actually plot here. *now edited to be incomplete cause theres definitely more on the way ty <3* See the end of the chapter for more notes Boston WAGs November 13th, 2019 Alexis: Okay huddle up Piper: Im doing pilates Jane: You shouldn’t be on your phone while exercising. Piper: because you always mute Rosanov on your runs? Jane: I’m a professional. Piper: Sexter??? Jane: I probably have enough experience to be. Alexis: Guys, seriously Jane: Sorry! Chloe: What’s up? Alexis: We’re getting a new member Rachel: Woo!! Jenna: Don’t we usually just dump them in here, why the big announcement Jane: I didn’t get a big announcement Piper: Yeah, Jane didn’t get a big announcement and she’s the captains girl Alexis: This is a special case… Chloe: Right… Alexis: Brooks is engaged Rachel: I didn’t even know he was dating anyone?? Jenna: What!! Jenna: He never brought anyone to the holiday parties!? Alexis: Well, Brooks’ fiance would less of a WAG and more of a HAB Chloe: I’m supposed to know what that means Piper: NO WAY!! Piper: Brooks??? Piper: Husband and Boyfriend Chloe: OH! Chloe: Okay 👍 Rachel: We’ve known him for years, woah!! Piper: He’s been dating someone long enough to be engaged to them and didn’t feel like he could tell us :( Chloe: But he’s telling us now!! Piper: :) Chloe: Well, Alexis is Alexis: Nice to see the support girls. I was just making sure everyone was cool with it Alexis: Because if you weren’t, youd be booted Chloe: Yeah! Jenna: Of course!!! Piper: Totally, what’s his name??? Maddie: Yup :) Maddie: I have a gay cousin!! He lives in Alaska Alexis: His name is Daniel!! Alexis: Brooks says they’re not coming out to the media but they wanted to let the team know Alexis: Because he wants us at the wedding :) Piper: I might actually cry right now Chloe: I hope they get married in Florida, I’ve been dying to see the beach again. Rachel: Right!! Alexis: Jane? Alexis: Where’d you go? Lily 💞💞💞 November 13th, 2019 Jane: Anything you wanna tell me??? Jane: Asshole?? Jane: Fuck you Boston WAGs November 13th, 2019 Piper: Jane??? Piper: You don’t actually have a problem with this do you?!? Chloe: Jane… come on Alexis: Oh, I didn’t think this would actually be an issue. Alexis: Jane, you know we love you, but be fucking for real right now Lily 💞💞💞 November 13th, 2019 Shane: The girls thinks i’m homophobic now Lily 💞💞💞 : Oh, did they hear what mean names you call me Lily 💞💞💞 : But this would be biphobic, no? Lily 💞💞💞 : Very sad way of life, baby Shane: I hate you so much Lily 💞💞💞 : Because of the being a homophobe 🙁 Shane: I literally don’t have time for this Shane: Be serious for one entire conversation Lily 💞💞💞 : For you, I try Lily 💞💞💞 : So, why are you being called homophobic by the wives and girlfriends Lily 💞💞💞 : I will listen to your problems because I am good boyfriend Shane: Ugh Shane: Your stupid teammate came out with his fiance Shane: Congrats to him by the way Shane: And I threw my phone across the room after muting the conversation Lily 💞💞💞 : Oh, yes! Lily 💞💞💞 : Brooks was very happy today Lily 💞💞💞 : Hunter is first gay MLH player, Brooks is first gay Raiders player, Lily 💞💞💞 : Soon we will be the only straight men in the league Shane: Why is this my life Shane: Tell me what to do Lily 💞💞💞 : Jane must be ally. Imagine the team believes I am dating a homophobe. Lily 💞💞💞 : My girlfriend is embarrassing me right now oh no Shane: It would be real embarrassing if you didn’t get any tonight Lily 💞💞💞 : I’m sory Lily 💞💞💞 : I will be more considerate of my girlfriends problems this much be very stressful for you you probably need a cuddle right now i will do this for you 🙏 Boston WAG November 13th, 2019 Jane: No, I’m sos orry! Jane: It’s totally cool! I think it’s great! Jane: rainbowemoji 🌈 Jane: Love is love!!!!!! Chloe: Ok… Piper: Kind of the worst time to go radio silent, girl Alexis: You scared me 😅 Jane: I think it’s very brave for anyone to come out. Especially pro athletes. Even with Hunter out it must be very isolating in the locker rooms. Alexis: Yeah, it’s so sad they have to hide. Jenna: Do you think their are anymore gay guys in the league? Jane: Oh, I’d bet my house on it. Piper: If Jane is risking her precious real estate, she must be right Alexis: Where’d you go, Jane? Jane: Ilya was just being an asshole Rachel: Isn’t he on the ice Jane: He finds a way to annoy me always Chloe: Soulmate things ❤ Jane: smileemoji 😄 Maddie: It must be awful having to hide your love like I could never!!! Maddie: And didn’t he date a girl like a couple years ago? Piper: Didnt that girl remove herself from the chat after like a week Alexis: Well, I won’t take that personally anymore Rachel: I wonder if she knew??? Jane: Maybe he didn’t know yet. Piper: That’s true. Rachel: You’re so insightful, Jane. Jenna: An empath, like a true taurus Piper: I guess we can’t all find our first love on the first try like Jane Jane: It didn’t go exactly like that! Piper: Ms I Lost My Virginity To My One and Only Bed Partner Jane: He isn’t the ONLY person!! We were casual in the beginning, you guys know that!! Rachel: You said he’s the only guy you’ve ever been with!! Jane: Well, yeah Jane: He is the only guy I’ve ever been with Chloe: Like we are saying?? Piper: OH!! Piper: IMSORRY FOR THINKING YOU WERE HOMOPHOBIC Piper: My bad Alexis: You’re bisexual? Alexis: Sorry if we’re like.. forcing you out the closet Chloe: OH!! Chloe: We support you!! Jane: Wait no!! Jane: Not bisexual at all Jane: I am strictly into guys trust me Jane: I dated this girl a while back and it was almost a total disaster. Jane: Luckily she was really cool. Let me down easy. Jane: Like I thought I was really into her, but the sex kind of clued me into some things about myself Jane: I have so much respect for what tops do every day, I just could not thankfulemoji 🙏 Piper: Jane lore always delivers Piper: You saying you don’t like to giddy up, cowgirl? Chloe: Piper 💀💀💀 Jane: That’s different! Rachel: Is Rosanov like into the fact you’ve been with a girl Rachel: I had an ex who would beg for a threesome 😑 Chloe: Gross Chloe: The ex not the threesome Jane: No, Ilya doesn’t really like to think about it at all Alexis: Our Captain respects women! Jane: He kind of hated her for a while actually. Lily 💞💞💞 November 13th, 2019 Shane: Rose is coming for dinner next week!! Lily 💞💞💞 : Oh, yes let’s invite ex girlfriend into our home Lily 💞💞💞 : Would she like spot in marital bed as well? Shane: We aren’t married Lily 💞💞💞 : You are intentionally making me mad right now Lily 💞💞💞 : Is rude Shane: Haha, babe, im sorry Shane: We haven’t seen her in months! I miss her Shane: I know you do too Lily 💞💞💞 : Yes, I will also invite person I fuck to dinner, then we will see if it’s fun Shane: Svetlana was over last month. Shane: She literally DID sleep in our bed like 4 times Lily 💞💞💞 : Is different. Svetlana was not girlfriend 😒😒😒 Shane: I don’t know how many times I have to say I’m only into guys today Lily 💞💞💞 : Oh, you are coming out of closet without me? Shane: Fuck you Lily 💞💞💞 : Your line is supposed to be Fuck me ;) Lily 💞💞💞 : Of course, I will Lily 💞💞💞 : Brooks thinks he is so cool because he is engaged Lily 💞💞💞 : While I make you cum 4 times in one night Shane: That was very impressive, babe Boston Raiders November 20th, 2019 Brooks: Thanks for being so cool about this Brooks: I know I’ve said it already, but it feels so good thank you guys Cap: Do not thank Cap: You play good hockey, you put puck in goal, does not matter where you put dick Marleau: Well put, Captain! Brooks: Just thanks for not like thinking I’m peeping on you in the showers or anything Cap: Do not know how you could resist looking at me Cap: It must be too many pucks to head Cap: But you are team, we will take care of you. Simmons: I love you guys! Cap: Gay Simmons: You can’t say that, Cap Brooks: No, it’s funny 😆 Cap: Yes, I am ally
Chapter End Notes
the concept of people thinking shane is homophobic because he gets squirrelly whenever gay ppl are mentioned in the show is sooooooo funny to me wjdkskdj also! some people said stick with chapters bc it’ll be easier to be updated and so i’ll do so!! but im also planning on making this into a series, where a separate fic follows shane in real life outside the chat while this is happening. we’ll see!!
Chapter 4: JANE
Chapter Summary Lily 💞💞💞 : You are very boring and I like you very much Shane: Well, as long as you still like me
Chapter Notes
ahhhhh, all the comments are amazing. i read them all even if i haven’t gotten the chance to reply to them all i appreciate it so much ❤❤ hopefully this chapter delivers!! im trying some new things. hopefully the layout is better this way!! See the end of the chapter for more notes HEATED RIVALRY OFF THE ICE: Shane Hollander and Ilya Rozanov caught in steamy embrace Hockey Players Shane Hollander, of the Montreal Metros, and Ilya Rozanov, of the Boston Raiders, captains of their respective teams, have been caught on video in a steamy… Click here to read more Joey @BostonianDunk Talk about sleeping with the enemy lmfao #HeatedRivals ❤ 900 🔁 32
Lacy @MetrosForLife oh my god hayden must feel awful for that :(( ❤ 93 🔁 9 —> Liv @goaliegirl replying to @MetrosForLife he probably should have checked the video before posting it yikes
Trish @GamerGirIl i don’t go here but that video was hot #HeatedRivals ❤ 29 🔁 1
Paul @Raiders1872 No way Pike posted that on accident. It’s an agenda they are trying to force on us. ❤ 24 🔁 14
Iris @oopsyoudidit #HeatedRivals is a crazy hashtag for this 😭😭 ❤ 2837 🔁 218
Pollo @Marketset Is it too soon to talk about who’s topping #HeatedRivalry ❤ 13948 🔁 4982 —> Jace @LoveatfirstKlance replying to @Marketset girl time and place —> Mon @girlgenius replying to @Marketset have you seen shane’s pregame stretches? and your asking who’s the bottom —> Bella @storriestotell replying to @Marketset the concept of ilya rosanov not being on top
TRENDING WORLDWIDE 1. HARRY STYLES 2. TwitterMomentsOfTheDecade 3. Skywalker 4. StarWars 5. #HeatedRivalry 6. Messi 7. Shane Hollander 8. Saints 9. Ilya Rozanov 10. Montreal Boston WAGs December 9th, 2019 Alexis: Oh my god, Jane are you there? Piper: So everyone has seen twitter today right… Chloe: And facebook and instagram Maddie: My mom just texted me about it Daniel: Rozanov is gay???? Maddie: You tell us!! Maddie: Athletes are affectionate right.. Daniel: If Leon was that affectionate with the Montreal goalie I’d cut his dick off Daniel: And his tongue. why the hell was there so much tongue? Piper: Jane are you alright??? Rachel: I can’t believe he’d do that Alexis: Like the closest isn’t an excuse to treat you like dirt Piper: And that moron Pike blasting it all over twitter Piper: Montreal is playing Boston tonight, ugh I want to set the entire rink on fire with both teams inside Alexis: Kyle wants to give Rozanov “the benefit of the doubt” Chloe: He had his tongue down Hollander’s throat, what’s there to doubt Alexis: RIGHT Lily 💞💞💞 December 9th, 2019 Lily 💞💞💞 : Answer phone please Lily 💞💞💞 : You are in locker room? Shane: I’m at practice Shane: It’s… tense Lily 💞💞💞 : I will kill Pike Lily 💞💞💞 : With hockey stick Shane: He's acting like he’s going to kill himself Shane: He feels so bad Shane: And you can’t kill the only guy on the team currently talking to me Lily 💞💞💞 : Stupid team Lily 💞💞💞 : Arent canadians supposed to play nice Shane: Dont you think nice is boring Lily 💞💞💞 : Yes Lily 💞💞💞 : You are very boring and I like you very much Shane: Well, as long as you still like me Lily 💞💞💞 : I love you Shane: I love you too Shane: Oh and the WAG chat is… interesting right now Lily 💞💞💞 : They do not like double agent in mix? Lily 💞💞💞 : Girlfriend at day and hockey player they want to fuck at night Lily 💞💞💞 : Would be shock to any system Shane: They haven’t exactly put the pieces together Lily 💞💞💞 : What pieces to put together. Did our tongues together not make sense enough Shane: Here, look for yourself Shane: IMG_5930.PNG Lily 💞💞💞 : Great Lily 💞💞💞 : So I am gay and cheater Shane: Me being ME must be hard to wrap their heads around Lily 💞💞💞 : Harder to think than me cheating on sexy sexy sweet girlfriend Jane Shane: Jane doesn’t exist Lily 💞💞💞 : Then who was sending me dirty photos last night… Lily 💞💞💞 : Was it the wind like they say? Lily 💞💞💞 : Would not think the wind would have such an ass. Shane: You’re ass is like twice as big as mine Lily 💞💞💞 : It must be hard to be cheated on by strong russian hockey player with fat ass :( Shane: Am I Jane or Shane right now? Lily 💞💞💞 : Who is more likely to send picture of their tits? Shane: Fuck off Shane: I have never been less in the mood to sext are you serious Shane: I’m putting my phone down Boston WAGs December 9th, 2019 Jane: Hey guys Jane: I don’t really know what to say Alexis: You don’t have to say anything right now, babe Piper: You could share Rozanov’s location if you want Jane: None of that please Jane: Don’t be mad at Ilya it’s okay!! Jane: He’s not cheating on me with Hollander Piper: I know you love him, but Jane Piper: You had Hayden Pike filming them like Cheaters is still airing Daniel: Dont let him tell you it doesn’t count if it’s with a dude Daniel: It definitely counts Jane: No! It’s the video is not a surprise Jane: Seeing as I was there.. Chloe: Huh?? Chloe: wait Maddie: Oh, that’s wild Chloe: Are you in a throuple with Hollander and Rozanov?? Rachel: GIRL? Piper: I KNEW Hollander was everyone’s type Alexis: I am lost Jane: NO Jane: Just let me explain. Jane: I was there. Like in the video. Making out with my boyfriend. Piper: OH! Chloe: Im not following Piper: Really… Alexis: Jane Alexis: Jane Piper: Jane Rachel: Jane. Chloe: SHANE Chloe: SHANE JANE Piper: JANE SHANE JANE SHANE Jane: …Yeah Jane: Im sos sorry for lying to you guys Jane: I feel so bad Jane: Ive really liked talking with you. I never got to call Ilya my boyfriend to anyone before other than my parents and the Pikes and I can’t talk about sex with them and I think you are all really nice and your advice is really helpful I really like being friends with you I’m sorry for not telling the truth Piper: Jane :( Piper: Shane Jane: You can call me Jane if it’s weird Alexis: I think it would be weirder to keep calling you Jane Jane: Right I’m sorry Alexis: Stop apologizing Piper: Did you lie about anything other than your name? Did you really force Ilya to stress bake sourdough at 10pm with you before a big day at work? Rachel: Oh my god it was the stanley cup… Piper: Did you really have an experimental phase in college with a hot blonde that you wished was Ilya Chloe: Oh the respect for tops Chloe: Wow Chloe: well, that answers that question Piper: And you make Rozanov happier than we’ve ever seen him? Jane: Yeah, of course Jane: It was all true. Just my name that I couldn’t give… Piper: Then you’re still our Jane :) im sorry you couldn’t tell us on your own terms Alexis: I love you. Alexis: I can’t believe I love Shane Hollander. Piper: Oh GOD i love Shane Hollander Piper: My dad would kill me Piper: Do I have to be nice to Montreal fans on twitter now??? Jane: No, never, that would be fucking weird. Jane: I love you guys too Jane: So much Daniel: I know I’m newer here, but I really like taking with you Shane Daniel: Dont tell Kyle, but I had your poster up in my dorm throughout college Jane: Thank you, Daniel. You should probably be more worried about Ilya finding out. Alexis: We thought you were homophobic, holy shit Piper: 🤣🤣🤣 Alexis: So, does this mean we can meet? Alexis: Wait we’ve met like 4 times. Jane: Ilya and I always spend the holidays at our cottage Jane: I would love to have you over. Boston Raiders December 9th, 2019 Marleau: Are we still on for drinks after the game or… Hammersmith: Lex told me I can’t hang out with Rozanov Hammersmith: Sorry cap Hammersmith: But also, that’s so not cool Cap: Not cool I got to make out with sexy hockey captain Cap: Is this jealousy or homophobia? Simmons: Cheating is not cool?? Brooks: Yeah, are you insane Cap Cap: I would never cheat on my Shane Cap: Do you think I am stupid American like on tabloids because I have lived here so long St Simon: You mean Jane? Simmons: You haven’t called her Shane in bed have you?? Cap: Many times. Most times. Sometimes it is Mr. Hollander when he is feeling mean ;) Marleau: No fucking way Hammersmith: Are you serious St Simon: Hollander?? Hammersmith: Youre montreal girl since rookie year?? Cap: Since summer before Brooks: Hes gay? Cap: And taken. Hammersmith: You told me Shane Hollander is shy???? Cap: Very, but wife and girlfriends have been very kind :) Hunter December 10th, 2019 Hunter: Do you want to get dinner next week, after our game? Rozanov: Dont you have boyfriend Rozanov: Do not care, because I have boyfriend Rozanov: He is much younger and much prettier than you Hunter: Shane is invited too Rozanov: Shane Rozanov: Is Hollander to you 😒 Boston WAGs December 10th, 2019 Jenna: So, my therapist recommended I turn my phone off for 24 hour increments… Shane: How did it go?
Chapter End Notes
so… how was it. and i never thought id be attached to an oc because im not big on writing outside fanfic but i have a favorite wag i fear. comments and kudos are always appreciated :)
Chapter 5: good for them!
Chapter Summary Shane: What are the ethics behind making my husband grovel over something I am not really mad about Daniel: Builds character
Chapter Notes
Hi!!! So, I skipped a day because I scrapped an idea that I couldn't make work but this flowed out of me... it's a departure from my previous style so I hope you still like it!!! Obviously, much inspiration from hudson and connor's press tour! I have those videos on repeat I'm afraid. This is marked as complete since it is complete... there will however be more from this universe in a separate fic. I have seen some comments with ideas that I love!! this fic really was born from me wanting to indulge in my favorite tags: wag shane, whipped ilya, shane making ilya wait for #it (barely), so i will be back See the end of the chapter for more notes Ottawa Centaur Stars Shane Hollander and Ilya Rozanov Read Thirst Tweets 17:04 minutes @buzzfeedceleb 6.8M views 👍 736K Shane squirmed in his seat as the producer gave them the countdown. He’d done thousands of random PR videos throughout his life, but he had no idea where along the way he got roped into this. “Hello, I am Ilya Rozanov, player for the Ottawa Centaurs, and I will be reading thirsty tweets,” Ilya read from the cue card, jolting Shane out of his wallowing. “And I’m Shane Hollander,” Shane said with a smile, “Captain of the Ottawa Centaurs, and I’ll, uh, also be reading thirst tweets.” “This will be fun,” Ilya leered, as if the camera and production crew were nothing but their living room decor, eyes only on Shane, “Like reading texts to each other.” “Okay,” Shane huffed, “Let’s get this started. I’m ready for the tweets.” “You will go first, baby,” Ilya announced, while the phones were being handed to them. “I’m going first because I want to,” Shane rolled his eyes, “Not because you told me to. For the record.”
a ilya rozanov kiss could definitely save me right now
Shane read the tweet dutifully, smiling slightly. It was almost sweet. Weird, but sweet. He grinned over at Ilya, who was smiling mischievously at the camera, before turning and placing a lingering kiss to Shane’s lips. Shane’s grin widened when he noticed Ilya’s face dusted in red, with a goofy smile of his own. “You're blushing,” Shane marveled, almost surprised, “He’s blushing,” He said again, to the camera, happy this was caught on film. “I think everyone in the room is feeling heat,” Ilya said, gesturing out to a very giggly production crew, “I will read now.”
what did ilya rozanov do to deserve shane hollander hole
“I treat that asshole how asshole should be treated,” Ilya said as soon as he finished reading the tweet, face grave as he spoke, “Is natural for rest of world to be jealous to not get to see that asshole, but, ah, too bad, so sad.” “Right, christ” Shane nodded twice, face flaming red, “Can you say that on the internet– I don’t know why I’m blushing. He’s texted me dirtier things at 2 PM on a Tuesday.” “He is always saying things like this, like it is surprise,” Ilya waved his hand, “As if he is less sexy at 2 PM than he is at any time of day.” CUT
i would lick the sweat off ilya rozanov’s knee caps
“Yeah, well, you’re not special,” Shane huffed, “There’s none left by the time I get done with him.” “Mr.Hollander,” Ilya slapped his thigh in delight, “Is something to look forward to for me?” CUT “This entire video is just going to be one long censor bleep,” Shane joked as he prepared to read the neck tweet, “Sha– okay,” He shifted as he got a glimpse of its content.
SHANE HOLLANDER MY PUSSY IS SICK AND THE ONLY CURE IS YOUR FINGERS
Shane could barely get the sentence out before Ilya began laughing. “I fear it is terminal,” Ilya wheezed, “If only cure is Shane touching pussy.” “Hey,” Shane kicked him as well as he could while sitting in these high chairs, side by side, “I– well. Yeah.” He deflated, remembering his short lived rendezvous with a woman. Taylor @bttmshane [1:04 minute clip of Ottawa Centaur Stars Shane Hollander and Ilya Rozanov Read Thirst Tweets] How did they outfreak the fans oh my god djfdslakg ❤ 63435 🔁 24245
Wolf @CentaurRider [Screenshot of Shane and Ilya kissing from Ottawa Centaur Stars Shane Hollander and Ilya Rozanov Read Thirst Tweets] ARE yOUNF FUKCING KIDING ME KJAFNKELJKAKL>FF ❤ 40302 🔁 14245
ThroatGoatJo @sugus4toru its been like 5 years and i still cant believe those hockey players are gay. good for them! ❤ 13302 🔁 3042 —> crash @lgbtlmnop replying to @sugus4toru which hockey players are u talking abt at this point lmao
Piper St Simon @PiperRaiders This is honestly the least freaky @ShaneHollander24 and @IlyaRozander have been in front of my eyes. ❤ 104435 🔁 39245 —> Alexis Hammersmith @AlexisH replying to @PiperRaiders The boys on their best behavior! —> Ilya Rozanov @IlyaRozander replying to @PiperRaiders Momma Hollander was on set. Will not lose favorite son status for twitter. —> Shane Hollander @ShaneHollander24 replying to @IlyaRozander and @PiperRaiders You’re not even her favorite hockey player Ottawa Centaur Stars Compete in Compliment Battle | Teen Vogue 22:04 minutes @TeenVogue 4.6M views 👍 339K
[Shane Hollander & Ilya Rozanov have been given a stack of extremely complimentary tweets.
They’ll take turns dramatically reading each one.
The goal? To get the other to laugh or break character.] “Hello, this is Ilya Rozanov-” Ilya began. “And this is Shane Hollander.” Shane said. “And today we will be doing the Compliment War.” Ilya finished. “Compliment Battle,” Shane stressed, “He’s competitive enough as it is, without it being a war.” “He calls me competitive,” Ilya scoffed, “Says Mr. Two Gold Medal Olympian. Mr. Hockey Is Life,” He teased, tugging at the hem of Shane’s shirt. CUT “Shane Hollander is actually so damn pretty,” Ilya reads, standing face to face with Shane, foreheads brushing, as they shared the same breath, “like that is a PRETTY man–“ Ilya’s deep voice cut off, “You know, Ms…” He glanced briefly at the card again, “H0LL4ND3RSFRECKLE… is considered very rude to call a man’s husband pretty,” Ilya’s hand came to playfully grip Shane’s chin, “This is my pretty pretty man.” He leaned in impossibly closer, making Shane blush, “Even prettier when I make red.” Shane looked down bashfully, remembering when Ilya first called him pretty. His stomach flutters thinking back on that moment, recontextualizing it. What he thought was chirping, a dig at his masculinity, actually being a cute boy pulling his pigtails, flirting with him. “If this compliment upset you, I’m not sure how much further this video will go,” A voice said off camera, amused. “Hm,” Ilya breathed through his nose, “Well, I won that round.” He buzzed the button on the table, which would apparently make sound in post. “What–“ Shane said, “How’s that?” “You smiled at me,” Ilya said matter-of-factory, “Smiling counts. Sorry, I do not make rules.” “You literally just made that rule up.” Shane grumbled, accepting defeat, at least on camera, “Let me do this–“ Shane shuffled back into Ilya’s personal space, trying not to think about his eyes on Shane’s lips.
oh im ilya rozanov and i have a slutty little waist with a fat ass and an olympic medal and i go to sleep next to and wake up with shane hollander everyday girl FUCK you
Shane read this tweet in one breath staring directly into Ilya’s eyes now, noticing the faint twitch of his lips. “They did not mention my huge co–“ Ilya was abruptly cut off by Shane’s hand over his mouth. “This isn’t thirst tweets, Ilya,” Shane said, before jerking his hand back when he felt a wet sensation glide across it, “Oh, fuck you,” He laughed, shaking the hand in fake disgust. It definitely was not the worst place Ilya had licked him. “And medal is gold,” Ilya winked at the camera, “Mention this next time.” Connie @drdalek [Screenshot of thumbnail and video title for Shane Hollander and Ilya Rozanov Compliment Battle] im so used to giving and now i get to recieve ❤ 284 🔁 12
Amanda @H0LL4ND3RSFRECKLE damn im sorry ❤ 10389 🔁 495 —> Poppie @poppypuck replying to @H0LL4ND3RSFRECKLE oomf getting told off by ilya rozanov 😭😭😭
Tag @flmlvrs what is the lore on those hockey boys. am i being queerbaited ❤ 792 🔁 4058 —> Opal @hollynov replying to @flmlvrs so i have some good news and some great news
Lizzie 🎀🎀 @coldernights [Four screenshots of Shane and Ilya during the Compliment Battle] They were so giggly and blushy???? After being together for years already oh im sick 😭😭 ❤ 45893 🔁 5938 Ottawa Centaurs’ Shane Hollander & Ilya Rozanov Answer The Web’s Most Searched Questions | WIRED Autocomplete Interview 14:06 minutes @WIRED 2.7M views 👍 325K Shane Hollander and Ilya Rozanov… married “Yes,” Ilya confirmed immediately, “Married for three years.” Shane waited a beat, for Ilya to add something, a raunchy comment about how much longer they’d been fucking, or a smirk at the camera. “What?” Shane asked, "Nothing funny to add. No asshole comments,” He glared, knowing Ilya was thinking it. “Is nothing funny about this,” Ilya said seriously, then, “I think we will be answering questions about your asshole next though, yes?” He asked the crew, laughing when Shane threw the board holding their autocomplete questions at him. “[BLEEP] you,” Shane said, “Read the next one.”
Shane Hollander and Ilya Rozanov… ao3
“Huh,” Ilya snorted, “I did not imagine google would be horny like twitter.” “What? Is AO3 like a sex thing?” Shane asked. “You know stories that girls send in chat? About you being werewolf bottom? Is written on AO3. Site for people to think about us having sex.” Ilya explained, this time smiling slyly directly at the camera. “There are stories without sex. About you two getting together,” An Assistant Director said behind the camera, “People like to speculate about the timeline of your relationship.” “Yes, I have seen this, too,” Ilya said, like this was a normal conversation, “Many believe it was All Stars 2017 where our great love story began.” He said with no small amount of amusement. “Yeah?” Shane asked fondly, “Let’s move on.” He pivoted. CUT
Shane Hollander … day
“Yes, the city of Ottawa has declared Jan 29th, the day I officially signed with the Centaurs as a free agent, Shane Hollander Day,” Shane explained, “And I am realizing it is incredibly hard to sound humble when talking about having a day named after me.” “I will be impressed when they give keys to city,” Ilya dismissed, “Having Shane Hollander Day means nothing. Is every day in my life.” His hand slid down Shane’s forearm, stopping to rest on Shane’s hand. CUT
Ilya Rozanov … wink “Do it,” Shane poked him, “Come on.” Ilya stared blankly at the camera for several beats, before relenting and giving Shane and the audience what they want, with a wink to the camera. Shane sighed dreamily, looking at his husband, feeling the overwhelming urge to kiss him and then leaning in to press their lips together, because he could. Hollanov Gifs @hollanovgifs [GIF of Ilya Rozanov winking at camera for Shane Hollander and Ilya Rozanov WIRED Autocomplete Interview] ❤ 53302 🔁 12042
Hollanov Gifs @hollanovgifs [GIF of Shane Hollander shifting in seat during Shane Hollander and Ilya Rozanov WIRED Autocomplete Interview focusing on Shane’s arms flexing in short sleeve vest] ❤ 82302 🔁 26042
Hollanov Gifs @hollanovgifs [GIF of Shane Hollander and Ilya Rozanov kissing soft during Shane Hollander and Ilya Rozanov WIRED Autocomplete Interview focusing on Shane’s arms flexing in short sleeve vest] ❤ 202302 🔁 46042
Zack @hckyplayer24 SENDING A CEASE AND DESIST LETTER TO HOLLANOV GIFS NOWWW ❤ 1242 🔁 43
Eren @moldinwalls rose landry lore AND confirmation they were together before #the all star game in one place this video is being played at my funeral ❤ 12202 🔁 1092 Boston WAGs October 2nd, 2024 Piper: I am HOWLING Alexis: Shane why have you been all over twitter for like 3 months Alexis: Is it Yuna or Harris dragging your ass around this media tour Shane: They’ve joined forces and I’m scared. Shane: Ilya is loving it. Rachel: That sounds like Rozy Maddie: Canada hasnt changed him! Shane: We did that puppy interview yesterday and Ilya just laid under a pile of them while I answered all the questions Piper: Making you do all the work Piper: That does NOT sound like Rozy Shane: He made it up to me later smileyfaceemoji 😀 Daniel: Alright buddy LOL Retired Raiders October 4th, 2024 Marleau: Someone just asked me if i was that guy who hurt shane hollander that one time Rozanov: Good this is not something to forget Marleau: He was skating full speed looking backwards at you??? Rozanov: You should not have been in way Marleau: If it was Comeau no one would be bringing it up Rozanov: Never say this again
Rozanov: Is like asking if kicking puppy is same as kicking homophobe in ribs Ilya October 6th, 2024 Ilya: Hello darling are you home Ilya: Anya is doing zoomies in living room on nanny camera Shane: I’ll take her on my run! Ilya: Send sweaty pictures <3 Shane: You first Ilya: IMG_4930.PNG Shane: Why aren't you wearing your ring
Ilya: Why are you looking at finger when dick print is in focus Shane: Whatever Ilya: No, sorry Ilya: Took off for pool and will put on as soon as chlorine is washed off Ilya: I will never take off again Boston WAGs October 2nd, 2024 Shane: What are the ethics behind making my husband grovel over something I am not really mad about Daniel: Builds character Jenna: Essential to a lasting marriage Piper: You don’t make that man beg enough Im afraid Shane: Cool! angelemoji 😇
Chapter End Notes
thank you again for all the support on this fic. I appreciate all the bookmarks, kudos, and comments!! I kind of agonize over every line in these fics and wonder if they land but you guys make me feel so much better about it :) I will return!
End Notes
I have no one to talk about Heated Rivalry with so pleaseee comment for some gushing about the boys Please drop by the Archive and comment to let the creator know if you enjoyed their work!