Boston Babes

Boston Babes

10 Sep 2:17 pm
Jessica
Hey Jane!

Welcome to the Boston WAGs!!!

You're Rozy's girl, yeah?

I'm Jessica, Connors' wife, but you can call me Jess.

Wait lemme send you a list of everyone's numbers so you can know who's who.

Amber
About time, girl! Welcome to the fam!!!

Piper
OMG hey babe

I thought Rozy would never settle down

Katie
We have been trying to set Rozy up with girls for years!!! I'm so glad he found someone

Maybe you can chill him out LOL😂

Lily

10 Sep 2:31 pm
[screenshot.jpg]

Hey what the fuck is this?

What?

You are WAG, yes?

Last I checked, I was neither a wife nor a girlfriend.

no?

you are breaking up with me? 🥺

Fuck off no I'm not

I just don't think it's a good idea to put your secret boyfriend in the fucking WAGs group chat.

Why the hell would you give them my number?

Who says I gave them your number?

Maybe Marlow steal my phone.

🙄

Ok ok

I gave Connors your number

CONNORS?

Yes.

He heard me talking about you to Marlow.

WHAT?

YOU TALK ABOUT ME TO MARLOW???

Jane.

I have to tell someone how sexy you are.

I will die if not.

Connors wife wants you in WAG chat.

I think it could be good for keeping secret. Throw them off the trail.

Or they could find out immediately!

I'm not even a girl!!

They're gonna know something's up

They won't know. Is just texts.

Is not like you are sending pictures of your dick. Those are just for me ;)

LILY!

Don't worry I know you are too boring to send dick pic.

But... maybe I want to show you off.

...

You want to show me off?

Yes

I cannot do this often

But I can show you to wags

You can make good impression. Be best wag since you are 2nd best hockey player.

Send all the other wags home crying because you are so much better than them.

You are such an asshole.

Please do it?

For me?

[image.jpg]

Fine. But not because of the puppy dog eyes.

You love me❤️

🖕

❤️

Boston Babes

10 Sep 2:52 pm
Hi guys

Sorry I wasn't trying to ignore you, I've just been busy today. It's nice to meet you all.

Jessica
Don't even worry about it, babe. We totally get it

Adriana
We are not all stay at home moms and bored housewives. Nobody will be upset if you don't respond.

Piper
I don't think 35 minutes before a response counts as ignoring...

Amber
Hey I'm not bored! I just never have anything to do.

There's a difference

Nadia
So you admit you are lazy

Amber
How dare you? I did 7 whole leg lifts before I decided pilates was too hard this morning!!!

Piper
Oh please, we were literally on FaceTime. I saw you do that entire 2 hour workout.

Amber
I came out here to have a good time and I'm honestly feeling so attacked right now 😩

Don't worry Amber, your secret's safe with me.

I'm telling everyone you stay so gorgeous and fit by eating all the bread you want and never ever working out.

Amber
I like this one ladies. We are keeping her forever.

❤️

Piper
So Jane, give us the deets

How did you meet our dear captain?

Lily

26 July 3:00 pm
They're asking how we met

What do I say?

The guys know I have texted you for years and years

Just say you are puck bunny who upgraded

Oh my god I can't say that

Oh so you would prefer truth?

I am giving you gold material

Fuck! Off!

Boston Babes

10 Sep 3:03 pm
Tbh it's kind of embarassing. Idk if I wanna say...

Brittany
Tell us tell us tell us

Amber
You already heard one of my embarrassing secrets! It's literally your turn.

Okay okay

Ugh

I was kind of a puck bunny...

Jessica
Half of us were puck bunnies too babe. This is a safe space.

How long did he try not to fall in love with you?

7 years

Ilya and I just messed around whenever he was in my city. We only made it official a couple months ago.

Jessica
Oh honey...

Victoria
7 YEARS???

Girl.

(Nobody else introduced themselves, but hi, I'm Victoria. I'm only judging you a little <3)

Brittany
QUEEN OMG

Like I haven't been dating Cliff super long, but I still know Rozy does not keep girls around.

One wrong move and she is off the roster.

As far as I know, no girl has ever even come close to locking him down, puck bunny or not.

This one has made it 7 years AND kept him at the end.

Katie
Holy shit

Rozy's down bad huh

Victoria
Babe what the hell is your secret?

A lady doesn't kiss and tell 😉

Sofia
Jane I hate to break it to you

Kissing and telling is what we do here. It's our calling.

Jessica
Honestly a secret that good could probably save a marriage. Jane I am on my hands and knees begging 🙏

Maybe I'll tell you after I get to know all of you a little better.

I can't give marriage-saving secrets out to just anyone, y'know

Jessica
I can respect that

Piper
Wait a sec. Maybe my math is wrong.

Have you been banging Ilya Rozanov since he was a rookie???

Yes.

Yes I have.

Katie
Damn girl you got game

Rose

10 Sep 8:39 pm
Hey

Can I get your help with something?

Anything for my favorite hockey star ❤️

What's up?

How do you talk to girls?

Um

Shane. You know I love you, but I really thought we were like, over this?

No no no not like that! I'm definitely over that.

I'm just in a group chat now and it's all girls and I don't know how to talk to them.

Hollander I'm gonna need more info that that.

Such as how did you get in an all girls groupchat? Why are you in an all girls groupchat? What all girls groupchat would anyone on the planet ever put you in?

Come on

Is it really that hard to believe?

Yes!!

Now spill

So I'm seeing this guy

OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!

WERE YOU EVEN GONNA TELL ME?????

I'm hurt, truly

It hasn't even been that long and he's as deep in the closet as me

But his friends have been hounding him about getting a girlfriend for years, and I got put in the girlfriends group chat to get them off his back

Okay there's so much to unpack here

Congratulations for one. This is such a big step for you!!!

Obviously I wanna know everything about him but I know you have to respect his privacy :(

What kind of friend group has a girlfriends groupchat? I've literally never even heard of that

It's not that weird. All my friends have one.

All your friends are hockey players. WAGs don't count.

Wait.

Shane.

Rose?

Shane.

Rose???

I think you know what I'm about to say

I have no idea what you're about to say.

Are you or are you not in a wags groupchat?

What???

Why would I date another player?

Oh my god you totally are

I cannot BELIEVE you made it into the wags groupchat and I didn't

Once again, I am hurt!

We dated for like a month and I spent the whole time trying to convince myself I wanted to date girls!

What happened to "I haven't been dating him that long?" How long have you been dating him, exactly?

... a month and a half

But uh

He's the guy I told you about when you um. Asked me about stuff.

Holy shit Hollander

Texting is not gonna cut it

Call Ended 2 hours 33 minutes

Rose

11 Sep 6:13 am
Hey wait you didn't even answer my question

There's like 15 women that expect me to respond to their texts somehow.

11 Sep 11:12 am
You'll be fine

Don't be mean. Women don't chirp like hockey boys and you will hurt someone's feelings.

Just hype them up and don't be afraid to give out juicy details. Just be yourself! They will adore you just like I do.

Boston Babes

12 Sep 7:49 pm
Kashvi
Good evening my beautiful babes

I just want to check in as we end training camp day 3

Is everyone still alive? All 10 fingers and toes okay?

Piper
Aww I love you so much girl

Derek has all his digits, but he did catch a puck to the sternum today. He is not a happy camper, but he is pushing through.

Nadia
Borya is so fucking whiny during training camp every year

"My legs hurt Nadyusha"

"Nadyusha I could not possibly bring glass to dishwasher. My arm hurts also.

"Nadyushenka my love I thought too hard about walking from living room to bathroom. Can you give me foot rub?

I fear I have died and entered purgatory.

Jessica
Day 3 of finding out how much I take Con for granted over the summers

Nobody can tire those kids out like their dad

I haven't seen a shadow of a nap since camp started and let me tell you. Napless toddlers do NOT get along.

Amber
Brad is pretty much asleep by the time he gets 4 feet into the house, so he's been easy to handle.

I just make sure he gets some food in him and send his ass to bed. I might get through a full rewatch of pretty little liars this year if I try hard enough.

Adriana
Honestly Vic's been great. He made dinner tonight which was so fucking nice. You would not believe the bs I had to handle at work today.

Katie
Ugh don't rub it in

Not everyone's man is literally superhuman

Adriana
Maybe your men should work out once in a while on the off season 💅

Amber
Next time you text me at 4am in July bc Vic woke you up AGAIN going running I'm just gonna send you this screenshot.

All of you are saints I hope you know.

Every one of our boys better treat you like the queens you are for keeping them in one piece rn

Katie
Babe you are just too sweet

Kashvi
Jane honey I would die for you

It's the truth! Your patience knows no bounds and they all better be grateful.

I'm still kinda jealous of you guys even if they're being pains in the ass. I just hate being so far from Ilya right now. He's hardly even texting me and I don't blame him, but I still worry. Training camp is hard on everyone, and I can't even be there to make sure he's eating a fucking vegetable once in a while.

Amber
Aw babe

If it makes you feel any better they do team breakfast and lunch every day, so he's gotta be eating something healthy.

Katie
I can send an extra dinner up with Brad for him to take home tomorrow! I know its not as good as being there, but at least you'll know somebody's feeding him.

That's really nice of you, Katie. That would make me feel a lot better❤️

Katie
That's what friends are for! We'll try to keep an eye on him for you.

Lily

13 Sep 7:04 am
[image.jpg]

Why have you done this?

You think I cannot feed myself?

I know you can't feed yourself.

You'd only eat pizza for next 2 weeks if it were up to you.

Yes. It is healthy. There is vegetable on it. I promise.

That's not how it works, dumbass

Whatever.

Hammersmith will never let this go. Even Connors is talking about how I am a "kept boy"

I am going to be chirped to death.

You asked for a WAG

The best WAG, if I remember right...

A good wag doesn't let her boyfriend eat junk food during training camp.

Your lack of cramps will thank me later, sweetheart.

This is diabolical.

Maybe think twice before giving me the power to ruin your life next time 😘

Boston Babes

15 Sep 12:04 pm
Katie
How do I make my kids stop liking the emoji movie

This is a code red level emergency I've seen it every day for the last week

Jessica
I don't know but I am right here in the trenches with you babe I dont know how many more times I can hear the talking poop emoji and without having a psychotic break

Amber
God I love not having kids 🙌🙏

Katie
How dare you?

Amber I thought we were friends

Amber
What? What did I do?

Jessica
I can't even say it

Katie
Just that shade of yellow gives me flashbacks

Flashbacks to 20 minutes ago.

Maybe it's best to avoid emojis for a while...

Amber
Omg I didnt even notice

Ok look I don't have kids, but I might be able to help.

My mom used to get so tired of me watching the same movies over and over. She should get a sainthood for the amount of times I made that poor woman watch Land Before Time.

Whenever she was ready to pull her hair out, she would tell me the vhs was too tired to rewind and we had to let it rest. Then we'd make paper mache dinosaur eggs or something.

That worked until I was at least 8.

Idk how that would work with Netflix though...

Katie
Jane

You are a genius

Saving lives

A true hero

Jessica
Holy shit

I have to try this right now

15 Sep 3:27 pm
Jessica
The Bears are up in Montreal in a couple weeks right?

Uh. Yeah?

Jessica
I'm telling Rozanov to kiss you on the mouth for me.

[img.jpg]

Paisley and Parker want everyone to see their emoji masks

The eye holes are kind of small... They keep running into the walls...

But I have never been happier to listen to toddlers throw toys around my house

A little concussion never hurt anyone

Jane, Katie, and 10 others loved an image
Adriana
Ummmmmmm....

Jane?

Were you ever planning on telling us you live in the city of our sworn enemies?

I thought everyone knew?

Brittany
I mean I knew, but I didn't think it mattered

Sofia
Brittany. We have completely failed your education. You're coming over this weekend so we can try again.

Jane, I'm sure you'll answer this correctly, but I have to ask.

How do you feel about the Montreal Metros?

Lily

15 Sep3:33 pm

[screenshot.jpg]

You are best wag already

Well

Are you gonna follow thru?

I will be doing much more than kissing you on the mouth 😏

Boston Babes

15 Sep3:34 pm
I hate to disappoint, but...

My first words were GO BIG BLUE

You couldn't pry the Metros from my cold dead hands.

Amber
🚨 TRAITOR ALERT 🚨

Victoria
Girls how the fuck did we let a metros fan into our sacred bear's den?

Katie
Amber. No em*jis! We just had this discussion!

Jessica
Ladies I swear I didn't know! Jane how could you??

We treated you like FAMILY!!

Amber
Sorry Katie! 😬

SHIT I DID IT AGAIN

Boston Babes

15 Sep 7:07 pm
Sorry ladies, I had to work. But now I have to defend my honor.

First of all, Boston is my second favorite team, and it's a very close second!!!

Just because I am genetically obligated to cheer for the Metros doesn't make me a traitor!

If anything I'm a traitor to the Metros!!!

Katie
Not gonna cut it. We gave up our family teams too.

The Nashville Sabres flag is still flying from my parents house, but you don't see me in navy and gold come game day.

Yeah... I don't think you understand my family. I talk to my parents every day, and I didn't even tell them I knew Ilya until we made it official between us. I kept him secret for 8 years, because I knew what they'd think about fraternizing with the enemy.

Piper
Not to throw shade, but are your parents like, okay? Did they at leatt take it well when you told them?

The took it like champs, oh my god. It was a complete disaster too, but they held it together.

Katie
Disaster? Girl. Spill the tea.

Okay, okay. If you're gonna twist my arm about it. God. I guess I'll tell you the story.

I haven't told anyone this story yet so please don't tell anyone. Especially the guys. <3

Earlier this year I finally convinced Ilya to come visit me at my summer home on the lake. It was a huge thing because we still don't want our relationship public and he was worried someone would see us. He went through the airport in a disguise and I had to park in the weirdest spot to pick him up, but whatever. My parents have a cottage super close to mine, and we're in and out of each other's places all summer, so I had to have a reason to keep them out of my place while he was there too.

Piper
Now we don't have time to unpack ALL of that...

Kashvi
Queen what kind of puck bunny has a summer home? I forgot we don't know like anything about you.

I told them I was on a silent retreat and would be meditating for 2 weeks, which, if you knew me, would make sense. They agreed to no visits or calls. On like, day 4, when my parents come down to their cottage (they go back and forth some in the summer), my dad found out his phone charger was not by the bed, but at my cottage from the last time I had them over for dinner.

Amber
Girl WHAT? A silent retreat? Who are you????

He calls me like 10 times over the course of the morning, but Ilya and I were down at the lake and my phone was up on the patio, so I had no idea. We decide to go in for lunch about the time my dad has decided I'm deep enough in meditation that I'll never answer the phone, so he'll just drop by and get it himself.

My poor father is watching from inside as NHL superstar Ilya Rozanov waltzes up my stairs, pins me to a full length window, and starts full-on making out with me. Like tongue down my throat, grabbing my ass in nothing but my bathing suit, making out with me. We didn't notice him for like 15 full seconds.

Amber
NO

Kashvi
RIP

Piper
THOUGHTS AND PRAYERS HOLY SHIT I WOULD NEVER RECOVER

Victoria
LITERAL NIGHTMARE OMG

That's what I said!!!

My dad just fucking bolted. He was halfway down my driveway before I could even get to the front door. I was freaking out so bad Ilya had to help calm me down before I could even move. He was so sweet. I could not have managed that without him.

I put him in the car (he showed up to my parents house in a Bears shirt btw) and went to introduce him to my parents.

In all honesty though my dad had just seen him groping my ass and telling him I was in love with Ilya was STILL easier than telling my mom, #1 Shane Hollander superfan.

It took almost half a bottle of vodka to chill everyone out, but they were really happy for me.

Jessica
You know I was so pleasantly surprised when you were telling us how Ilya is a big ol softie. But then the Bears shirt came along and I was like yep. There he is.

Piper
I'm happy they were supportive tho! It's always nice to have somebody in your corner.

Thanks, Piper. I'm really lucky to have them both.

Katie
#1 Hollander fan tho? Really?? He's got like a legion of rabid fangirls

Oh yeah, she beats out every one of them. His jersey is framed on her wall with pictures of his cup wins. In both houses. I swear she polishes that shrine every damn day.

Katie
Idk if that puts her above the teenage girls that have named all his freckles, but okay.

Kashvi
She's doing all that for a man I'm guessing she's never met and not your actual boyfriend? Deadass?

Rozy's jersey went up a couple weeks ago actually, right next to Hollander's. Its really pissing him off that Hollander has more pictures than he does, but she just keeps telling him he'll have to win more cups.

Kashvi
Okay that's cute ngl

Jessica
I think I might love your mom??? Even in spite of the bad taste in hockey players.

Amber
That is adorable but I feel like Jane is trying to distract from the real issue at hand.

She's a dirty dirty Metros fan, and for some reason she wants to stay that way.

It's because they're the best team???

Jessica
This is no longer a safe space.

Jane, you better watch your mouth.

Facts are facts.

They'd be on a 3-cup win streak right now if Hollander hadn't been injured.

I'm not gonna blame Marly - it was an accident and I know he's beat himself up more than enough about it.

My point still stands.

Amber
I mean, I guess you might be right, but they're a complete shitshow without Hollander.

He carries that team on his BACK

Jessica
Oh my god having to watch captain Hayden Pike this season was fucking excruciating.

Piper
Girl he was NOT built to run a team

Man was trying to keep morale up while they were getting their asses beat by the GUARDIANS of all fuckin teams and he just crumbled

Katie
You have to feel bad for the guy

God's okayest little forward shoved into the spotlight and thrown to the reporters like a piece of meat to a pack of wolves.

Sofia
Tbh he wasn't built for the pressers either...

Amber
Tbh he wasn't built for much of anything...

I get that I am in Bears territory rn so I am trying to be nice

But I will not tolerate Hayden Pike slander in front of my own face.

Hayden is a damn good forward and one of the best wingers in the entire damn league. He was in the top 10 for assists this season for fucks sake.

Of course he wasn't a perfect captain when Shane fucking Hollander was gone. Morale is going to be low when your star center is gone, and he's never captained an NHL team.

Not to mention, his wife was 7 months pregnant with his FOURTH CHILD.

Making it all the way to game 7 is nothing to be ashamed of. He did everything he could with the hand he was dealt.

Victoria
Hon we are just chirping. Please find some chill.

Amber
Your mom might be the #1 Shane Hollander superfan but you are for sure the #1 Hayden Pike superfan.

Katie
I didn't mean to hit a nerve... Sorry girl

It's fine.

Brittany
Ok not to be all gen z but no one says superfan anymore. Just be normal and say stan. I'm begging.

Amber
Stan? What the hell is that supposed to mean? Who is Stan???

Brittany
Idk why I even try. You're only like 5 years older than me!

Jessica
Honestly I assumed you'd be a Hollander girl like your mom.

But of course Rozy's girl would never.

What can I say? I'm just not like other girls.

If Hayden Pike has a million fans, I'm one of them.
If Hayden Pike has one fan, I'm THAT ONE.
If Hayden Pike has no fans, that means I'm dead.
Win or lose.
0 goals or 10 goals.
Good form or bad form.
I will always love and support him.
Even if the whole world stands against him.

Piper
LMFAO

Jessica
I gotta say I love the dedication

Katie
But does Roz know about your little crush on Hayden Pike?

Amber
He seems like the jealous type, so I doubt it.

Gross it's not a crush

He is happily married and there is no way I could handle that many damn kids. Plus he is so not my type.

I just recognize that he's the most underrated player in the NHL, and I have no need to be quiet about it.

Sofia
Girl. You are sitting on an untapped well of sexy fury if you do not use that to make Roz jealous.

It doesn't matter if you're actually into all that or not.

You just gotta make him think you might be.

Hayden Pike is not the way to make Ilya jealous.

Pissed off, sure. Which is fun too.

But it has to be believable to make him jealous.

Amber
Oh? And what pray tell makes our glorious captain jealous?

Hmm...

That seems kinda private, and we're pretty private people.

Katie
Jaaaaaaaannnneee

You can't just dangle that in front of us and leave us in the dark I'm dying of curiosity!!!!

You'll make it, I promise.

Victoria
This isn't a very good way to get back in our good graces.... Just saying.........

Amber
Yeah Jane. We might be willing overlook your little Metros problem, but definitely not if you're hiding things from your fellow babes

Can't a girl stay mysterious about anything?

Jessica
Omg are you embarrassed?

20 bucks says she uses Hollander as jealousy bait.

Victoria
Oh my god you're totally right

Piper
Jane. Think of the benefits of coming clean here. Please let peer pressure win.

I can't hand out every juicy detail, but...

Hollander definitely makes him jealous.

Jessica
I KNEW IT

Katie
I mean if it works it works. Hollander's fucking hot. Honestly that might work on Ryan too...

Amber
I'm not ashamed to say it works on Brad. I didn't even have to say anything last time. I just looked at the TV some type of way during that Calvin Klein commercial.

Jessica
I could try that on Con... I don't usually go for jealousy bait, but we need to ah, renew the spark, as it were.

Piper
Between the gossip and the hot sex tip, Jane, I do believe we can forgive you for being a M*tros fan.

All in favor like this message

Piper, Amber, Kashvi,
and 9 others liked a message
Piper
Welcome back to the Babes, Jane.

Amber
Jane?

15 Sep 8:49 pm
Jessica
Jane? Are you there??

15 Sep 9:37 pm
Kashvi
Where did she go???

Sofia
Maybe she fell asleep?

Lily

15 Sep 10:19 pm
How was your day sweetheart?

Was training so tiring you forgot about your wonderful boyfriend?

15 Sep 11:47 pm
Ugh. This is so dumb but I don't really have anyone else to tell.

The girls called me #1 Hayden Pike fan earlier

Because Oregan's wife was chirping him and of course I couldn't just watch while she insulted my best friend.

I went to go text him that Jackie had some competition for the #1 spot, and then I remembered that I can't do that.

He can't even know I'm in the chat.

I don't know why it made me sad.

I guess I just hate hiding things from him.

I know this is hard solnyshko

Maybe we can tell him soon

Maybe someday

But not yet

It's not the right time.

Boston Babes

20 Sep 9:32am Brittany
Hey guys. Did u know thay champagne actually makes u drunk?

Jessica
Yes my love. I did know that. What happened?

Brittany
Well I just thuoght. Sonce mimosas r champagne and thse r breakfast. that it woulf be fine.

Jessica
Sweetheart, how much champagne did you have?

Brittany
Im boutta finish rhe bottle. 

It tastes real good tho.

What made you decide to drink and entire bottle of champagne before 10am????

Are you okay?????

Brittany
im great!!!! maybe went a lil crazy with cliffs credit carf last night but I jusy wanna be prpsared

Prepared?

Brittany
Ya. For when cliff asks to marry,meeeee

Katie
OMG YOU THINK HE'S GONNA PROPOSE???????

What? How does getting drunk before 10 am help with proposals?

Brittany
I gotta know whichs chqpagne I wan t at ny wedkng so I boufjt a bunch to try

Bt this first one was rlu good so I just kept drimkin it

I...

What?

Brittany
Can someonw ddunk translate fro me?

Yay!! Typed translre right!!

Okk did it once

No I can read it.

It just makes no sense.

Why are you planning a wedding before you're engaged????

Victoria
Hey Brittany did you know there's this hot new thing called AUTOCORRECT?

Brittany
Bust autosnrrect messef me uppppppp

Victoria
Girl. 😑

Katie
Brit I am not letting you off that easy!!!!

What makes you think he's gonna propose???

Brittany
Isk. Maybe he wokt. but we moved int.togwther ans im already 21 andn my mim keeps asking. whern im getting married. AND

I reallryrelllayrelllay wanna marreyy himmmmmmmmmmmm

I thought you hadn't been dating that long?

Brittany
Our 4 momth aniversyr is this week!!!

Jessica
Oh baby no...

...

Oh baby no...

Katie
What are y'all on about?

4 months is fine???

Oh my god, no it's not.

Victoria
Sorry queen I'm with Jane on this one

Katie
I got engaged after 3 months. If he's the one, he's the one.

Brittany
HE ISSSSSSSSSSSSSS

HES SOSOSA SWEET AND HE BUYS ME NY FABE CHOCHOLETE WHEN IM OK MY PERIODD

AND HE GETS ME FOOWDS WHEM IM SAD

FLWSRDD

FLOWEDR

FLOWERS

THAT

AND ALSOSN HES RWALLLY PRETTY AND HE SMELLSD FUCNKENG GREAT ALLT TBE THIME

Full offense but who is this man and what did he do with Cliff Marlow?

Katie
LMFAO

Jessica
Yeah we have absolutely no idea what she's done with him.

Victoria
I still think she's a witch

Brittany
I still dont know whag you guys are talkinf aboue.

Yuo guyse re always so meajn aboyt my cliffyyyy

I dunni wht bc hes literally the sweetest thisng on. the plabet.

Lily

18 Sep 9:36 am On a scale of 1-10, how serious is Marlow about his girlfriend?

You are being weird. Why?

I just want to know.

Why do you care what Marly thinks about a girl? Are you trying to get us a third?

Please say no. Marly is very bad at threesomes.

What the fuck? No.

The things I'm hearing about him are way too nice to be true and I just want to know if he's gonna dump her like he does every girl at the end of preseason.

I do not think you should worry about that.

He cannot shut up about her because she moved into his house.

He gets to see her every single day and he waves it in front of my face just to be an asshole.

I miss you too 😘

WAIT

HOW DO YOU KNOW MARLOW IS BAD AT THREESOMES?

Suddenly I forgot entire English language.

I cannot understand any of this.

HAVE YOU HAD A THREESOME WITH CLIFF MARLOW???????

Gtg break is over 🏃‍♂️🏃‍♂️

Boston Babes

Tori's right. She's a witch.

It's the only logical explanation for whipped Marlow.

Brittany
Wym????????

Your boyfriend is a manwhore, Brittany.

Brittany
Oh yhea,,

Byt so was yoyrs.

Hes differennt now.

Victoria
Yeah bc you've been casting spells to turn him into a lovesick puppy!!!

Brittany
Hehe yeahhh

Spells w my pusyy

Katie
Omg slay queen!!!!!!

Amber
I heard we were talking about pussy?

WAIT OMG SLAY QUEEN!!!

I need to hear more about the pussy spells but like. When you're sober.

Brittany
Mmkay

I'll tell you anythinf you wanna kno w

Amber
Show of hands. Who else wants pussy magic lessons?

Jessica, Kashvi, Victoria, and 3 others liked this message
Brittany
Letss gooooooooo

Hey Brit?

I gotta get back to work but please drink some water. I don't want you to have a headache later.

Maybe take a nap too.

Brittany
🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

JAAANNNNEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

I LOVE YOUUU

dirnkng wtaer rn!!!!!!

Katie
Oh great. Another mom friend😂

Victoria
Oh god I hope she doesn't lecture us when we stay out late.

Jessica
Hey! There is no need to throw shade!

Victoria
I regret teaching you that phrase.

Jessica
You just don't like that I use it better than you B)

Amber
The cringe.

That hurt to read.

Victoria
Bring Jane back. At least she doesn't use emoticons in 2017😩

Boston Babes

30 Sep 8:32 am
Piper
Babes. It is the 30th of September. You know what that means

Katie
PET PEEVE OF THE MONTH!!!!!!!!! 🎊🎉

I'll go first

If Ryan Garrett Carmichael does not stop rubbing his legs together like a fucking cricket every night until 3 in the goddamn morning, he's going to be sleeping on the couch.
I literally don't care that we have 4 guest rooms. He gets the couch.

Jessica, Amber, and 6 others disliked this message
Jessica
Connor has taken to putting his finger in my mouth whenever I yawn. I don't know if this has ever happened to you but I almost emailed my attorney to remind me of the details of our prenup.

Piper, Nadia, and 10 others disliked this message
Amber
This is like. really petty. but the way Brad scrunches his eyebrows when he pretends he doesn't understand what I'm saying makes me want to rip them off.

Victoria, Sofia, and 3 others disliked this message
Piper
Derek flicked his earwax at me 🤮

It only happened once but I don't care. It counts.

Amber, Katie, and 7 others disliked this message
Brittany
Ooh this is the first one after I moved in w Cliff!

He insists he has left socks and right socks. Even if they're just white crew socks.
Apparently I don't know how to fold laundry 🙄🙄🙄

Adriana, Jessica, and 12 others disliked this message
Adriana
Victor is hardly pet peeve worthy, but...

This month he keeps leaving his ties hanging on any doorknob he can find. Next time I will use it to strangle him.

Jane, Nadia, and 9 others disliked this message
Jessica
Oh hi Jane! 👋

You have to participate. PPOTM is our most time-honored tradition. I have to know how annoying Rozy is behind closed doors bc he is bad enough in public. I'm so sorry in advance babe.

Jess, your husband should be in jail.

I need a minute to sit with that, Jesus.

Jessica, Katie, and 7 others laughed at this message.
But I don't know if I can top any of that. Ilya is surprisingly sweet, and he's kind of adorable when he's being annoying.

Jessica, Amber, and 4 others disliked this message
Amber
Booooo 😡😡😡

Jane its hater hours rn. No being nice!!!

Okay wait no I've got it.

He thinks mayo is a seasoning

Piper, Sofia, and 9 others disliked this message
Kashvi
Girl please tell me you're exaggerating

That would be lying Kashvi, and lying is wrong.

Sofia
What does that even mean?

I don't think I can process this information

One time he made tuna salad...

He said it was tuna salad. It was so bland. It looked like oatmeal and tasted like air, I swear to god.

When I asked what was in it he looked me dead in the eyes and said "There is mayonnaise. Adds good flavor."

Kashvi, Piper, and 12 others disliked this message

I almost broke up with him on the spot.

Kashvi
RELATABLE

You are stronger than me babe I think I would have had a heart attack and died 💀🪦

Sofia
I think I just did

Piper
Fucking Russians.

(sorry Nadia)

Nadia
Do not put me in group with that man.

Any man who does not put pickle and dill in tuna salad is not Russian.

Amber
Is anyone else still in shock over "he can be surprisingly sweet"

I know we've been over this before but like... make it make sense 😂

Boston Babes

30 Sep 5:36 pm
Brittany
@Jane can you check on your man? Cliff is worried about him. He's bailing on the preseason afterparty and apparently he's literally never done that before.

Oh shit, yeah.

It's not like him to miss that kind of thing.

Lily

30 Sep 5:38pm
You're not going to the bars tonight?

No.

Marly is throwing a fit about it.

I just don't want to go dance with many sexy women while thinking about your beautiful freckles. Is that so wrong?

You are such a fucking sap
You know I don't care if you go dancing, right?
I know this

But I would rather call you and watch you eat bird food in your glasses instead of dancing with random strangers ❤️

Boston Babes

30 Sep 5:42 pm
[screenshot.jpg]

He's just whipped. He's fine.

Katie
😱 My jaw.

I gotta get it up off the floor.

Brittany
Holy shit you really did cuff him.

Nadia
I did not know he could do that.

Amber
I am literally seeing it with my eyes and I still can't believe it.

Jessica
Roz might be the most adorable thing on the planet rn

Victoria
Ok not to take away from Rozy's cuteness but

Bird food???

Lmao

My diet doesn't let me eat much meat or empty carbs. Somewhere between the quinoa and the arugula he's decided I eat bird food.

Victoria
Honestly justified. That does sound like bird food.

Katie
Girl that takes way more willpower than I have😂 Oreos and I have a bond no man can begin to understand🤣

That, my dear Katie, is what cheat days are for.

I don't get very many, but when I'm at my summer home I give myself a break.

Jessica
Jane, no offense, but you are one of the weirdest girls I've ever met. Who diets all year except the summer? No one is looking at you when you're covered in scarves and a parka.

Trust me, people see me way more the rest of the year. I'm in the middle of nowhere all summer. No one is looking at me then.

Victoria
Okay I know we're supposed to be polite and not scare her off but it's been like 3 weeks

Can we play 20 questions with Jane yet???

Like where I think of an object and you guess?

Victoria laughed at a message

Victoria
Like where we ask you questions and you answer them.

We still know like nothing about you! All we know is you like silent retreats and the M*tros

That's kinda the point? Me and Ilya are keeping it private, so I have to stay anonymous in here.

Brittany
What, are you famous or something?

Victoria
Don't answer that.
Brit. Do not fuck this for me.
We won't ask anything that can be used to identify you. I promise!

Brittany
Yeah, we promise! Sorry, Jane.

Fuck it, why not? I might not answer everything, though.
Victoria
YAY!!!

Question 1: When you were a kid, what did you want to be when you grew up?