Chapter 1: You can just talk, and I'll stare at your mouth

You can just talk, and I'll stare at your mouth

People say that watching Nikolai Hollander-Rozanov play hockey is like watching his Papa, Ilya, born again. He’s incredibly fast. He talks trash well enough to provoke the opponent but not end up in the penalty box himself. He’s tough and fiery, with a crooked smile that he knows antagonizes opponents but turns on everyone else. The people of Washington DC almost have a parade when he’s drafted to their team. And he puts everything he can into letting them know he is worth it. There are other ways he’s like his Papa too. Like Ilya used to, Nicky also loves women. He loves the way his hands feel around their waists. He loves the sound they make when they come. He loves making them feel good. He loves women of all shapes, sizes. He’s probably not even close to the womanizer his Papa was perceived to be but he knows people think he is. He doesn’t correct them. The bad boy reputation is kind of fun. With the exception of one time in Grade 12 when he and a teammate made out at an after party, he’s only ever been with girls. He can appreciate the beauty of the male body, can acknowledge when someone is attractive, regardless of gender constraints. But he’s never dated or technically had sex with a man. Which is why everyone is a little surprised when the love of his life is a man. And not just any man, the son of the trailblazing hockey great Scott Hunter. *** Nicky has been playing in DC for a few years when he decides he wants to stop renting a boring apartment in Arlington. He’s 25 and he’d like to have a real home for people to stay in when they visit. With advice and help from his dads, he purchases a historic colonial townhouse in the Georgetown area of DC. He’d always loved the idea of owning a piece of historic property. “It’s a great investment,” Dad says. To which Papa responds, “Mr. Real Estate.” Which promptly makes Nicky gag. The problem with the property is that it is very dated. It needs new appliances, new wiring, new everything. Including a new floor plan. The only way to do that is to hire an architect and design firm. Nicky has zero clue how to do that or what that entails so he asks one of the WAGs for the name of the firm that recently renovated their home (though he prefers SAPs like they used in Ottawa but it truly is only women and girlfriends in DC). She’s all too happy to share and he calls Potomac Street Designs to set up an appointment. He arrives early and the receptionist takes him back to an office in the corner. He’s been assigned to the only architect who also does interior design. “Ben,” the receptionist said. The office is cozy, with a leather couch, and two chairs in front of a large wooden desk. The bookshelves behind the desk are arranged with books and photos. There are two diplomas on the wall and Nicky gets up to look at them when someone walks through the door. Nicky looks towards him and his eyes meet the darkest brown eyes he’s ever seen. The man is shorter than him but Nicky can tell he’s built under his white button up shirt. He has a bit of scruff that looks like a precursor to a beard, as well as round glasses. He’s, for lack of a better description, adorable in an intelligent way. There’s also something about him that is so familiar. “Hi,” Nicky says. “I’m Nicky.” “Yeah, I know. We’ve actually met before. I’m Ben,” he says. “Ben Grady-Hunter.” “Oh,” Nicky says. That’s why he looks familiar. Focusing in, he looks a lot like a young Kip Grady. The same jaw line, the same brown eyes. Ben lets out an unfriendly laugh at that. “Yeah, I think our dads are friends.” “Your dad is Scott Hunter?” Nicky asks. “And Kip Grady,” Ben adds. “Not surprised you don’t remember.” “Yeah, I remember,” Nicky says, a little too curt. He doesn’t mean to but it’s clear that he’s done something to offend Ben. “Obviously you don’t. We used to go to your family’s cottage every summer for a few days but you don’t remember me,” Ben says. “I’m sorry, I think I would have remembered you, I just needed a minute,” Nicky says. “I mean I haven’t seen you in, what, 10 years.” Ben chuckles again in an unamused way. “Whatever.” Nicky’s confused as Ben sits at his desks and starts typing at his computer. “Look, I get the feeling you don’t like me,” Nicky says. “Oh, you think?” Ben says. “Do you want to tell me what I did or am I supposed to guess?” Nicky asks. Ben narrows his eyes at him. “I just know the kind of guy you are…” “Um, what kind of guy am I?” Nicky says back. Ben shakes his head. “You know what kind of guy you are.” Nicky stares at Ben. “Please elaborate,” Nicky says. “I know you use women like Kleenexes. I know you think because you’re some star hockey player, you can do whoever and whatever you want,” Ben stares right back at him. “What?!” Nicky knows it’s loud. But what the fuck?! Isn’t this the son of a hockey great? “You know exactly what I’m talking about. Cocky asshole,” Ben huffs. “It doesn’t matter. I don’t have to like you, I just have to do my job.” Nicky blinks at him a few times. “So if you hate me so much, why’d you take me on as a client?” “I don’t expect you to understand things like this but I’m not a partner here. I just take the jobs I’m given,” Ben says. “Now, sit down and tell me what you want so you can get the hell out of my office.” There’s something about the way Ben talked to him that was like a punch to the gut. He’s used to people chirping at him. He’s learned to take it in stride. But the way Ben says the thing he’s said, something in Nicky cracks. It’s hateful. And judgmental. Nicky wants to tell Ben that he has no idea what kind of person he is. He can’t though because he suddenly feels like the world is spinning. Nicky’s brother, Maks, always describes this feeling he gets in his chest when he’s overwhelmed. It’s a tightness, a heaviness, where he has to remind himself to breathe because his body won’t do it for him. His dad has spent minutes and hours standing in front of Maks helping him remember to breathe in and out. He wishes he was here right now to do the same because that’s exactly what he’s feeling. “I’ll email you,” Nicky says. “What I want. Give me your card.” Nicky needs to get out of here. He can’t be in the office one more minute and he can’t look at Ben for a second longer. Ben goes to his desk and pulls a card out of the holder. He hands it to Nicky who almost yanks it from him. Nicky can see that Ben’s demeanor has changed and his attitude has softened a bit. “Nikolai,” Ben says. Nicky doesn’t respond. He just gets out of Ben’s office, out of the building and to his car as fast as possible. His hands are shaking and he knows he can’t drive. He pulls out his phone and calls the one of the only people that might understand. “Privet, mladshiy brat,” Maks says. Hello, little brother. Nicky is still trying to catch his breath. “Nikolai?” “I’m sorry,” Nicky breathed out. “What’s wrong?” Nicky could hear the panic in his older brother’s voice. “I’m sorry, I just, I couldn’t breathe,” Nicky tells him. Maks must understand because he says, “In and out, Nikolai. Just breathe. In and out.” Maks continues like this for a few minutes and Nicky follows his instructions. Eventually, Nicky’s breathing has steadied. But his whole body feels exhausted from the tension. “Was that a panic attack?” Nicky asks. “I think so,” Maks tells him. “Probably.” “That happens to you a lot?” Nicky asks his older brother. “Not as much anymore,” Maks answers. There was a period of time during his teenage years when Nicky knew Maks experienced this feeling at least once a week. Interestingly enough, it wasn’t really hockey related. In fact, the ice seems to be the only place Maks seemed to relax. It was everything else that seemed to trigger his anxiety. “I see a therapist.” “I feel like I just ran a mile,” Nicky says. “Yeah, I usually have to eat something and drink coffee after so if there’s a coffee shop nearby, you might grab something,” Maks tells him. “Do you want to tell me what caused this?” Nicky doesn’t really want to tell him. He doesn’t know how to explain that the shy kid from their childhood just insulted him to the point he ran out of his office. But it’s Maks asking. Maks is more than just his brother. He truly is his best friend. Where people see the flashy, fast guy, Maks knows who Nicky really is. “I had a meeting with the architect who’s doing the work on my house,” Nicky says. “Ben Grady-Hunter.” “Really? That’s awesome! How is he? It’s been ages,” Maks is entirely too excited. “Well, he hates me, for some reason so, there’s that,” Nicky answers. “What?” Maks asks. “He told me he ‘knows what kind of guy I am’ and called me a cocky asshole,” Nicky makes the air quotes even though Maks can’t see them. “Hmmm,” Maks sighs. He doesn’t say anything else though. Nicky scoffs. “That’s it? Just a hmmm?” “People who don’t know you think that’s who you are, Nicky, because that’s what you let them think,” Maks says. “Did you tell him it’s mainly an act? That you’re actually a really great guy? That you work every camp for our dads? That you took Irina to get her first skates? Or did you let him believe the image you’ve been given?” Nicky thinks for a minute. Maks is right, of course. He could have corrected Ben. He should have corrected Ben. “You really aren’t a cocky asshole, Nikolai. You are one of the best people I know. And I think it’s a shame more people don’t get to see that,” Maks says. “Maybe you need to let Ben see that side of you.” Nicky chuckles. “Fat chance that’s going to happen. I just ran out of his office.” “I mean, your renovations are going to take awhile. I have a feeling you’ll be working together more,” Maks says, ever sensibly. “Maybe,” Nicky says. “You’ll be in town next week, right?” “Yep, I’m coming in Wednesday for the Thursday game,” Maks tells him. “Thought we might order food, drink beer, and watch movies.” “Sounds good to me,” Nicky says. It gives him something to look forward to. “Hey, and thanks, for talking me down.” “Of course, mladshiy brat,” Maks answers. “YA gorzhus' toboy i lyublyu tebya.” I am proud of you and I love you. Nicky takes a deep breath. “YA tozhe tebya lyublyu, starshiy brat.” I love you too, big brother. *** Nicky sends a very professional, very bland email to Ben. He gives him information on what he’s looking for as far as a layout for the townhouse. Ben emails back just as generically. He asks for color and fabric preferences. Nicky tells him he likes blues, greens, and browns. He’s not sure about fabric so he calls his dads, who are even less help. “The chairs in the trophy room are leather and they’re my favorite,” Papa says. “Ilya, don’t be gross,” Dad snickers. Nicky doesn’t even want to ask. But he remembers the chairs and the couches in Ben’s office. They were nice. He emails Ben back to tell him exactly that. I like the furniture you had in your office. Ben replies with nothing more than Okay. *** Maks is staying with him tonight. DC is playing Montreal tomorrow and he came a day early to hang out. Nicky loves when the whole family is able to come into town but he also likes just having time with his brother. Maks is a bit of an anomaly in the MLH world. His rookie year he won Rookie of the Year (an award almost never given to goalies) after an amazing season where his net work earned the Metros their first Cup in decades. But Nicky also knows that Maks hates playing in Montreal. It’s not just the constant reminders of the Shane Hollander legacy. For Maks and for the whole family, it’s the hypocrisy of Montreal honoring their dad when they treated him like shit when he was outed, while simultaneously putting up banners with his name on it. There wasn't even ever an apology, just the assumption that enough time has passed that everything is just fine. When it’s not. “Where do you want to be then?” Nicky asks, flipping through the DoorDash app. Maks groans. “You know where I want to be.” “So tell your agent. Your contract ends this season, tell him you want to go home,” Nicky says. “I just don’t want anyone to think I’m some kind of nepo baby going to Ottawa,” Maks says. This is the thing about Maks. He’s self-conscious. He doesn’t believe he’s good, even though he is. “I mean, we can’t deny who we are. Our dads are two of the greatest hockey players to ever live. But that doesn’t mean we haven’t worked our asses off to get what we have too. The hours at the rink. We learned how to watch game film before we started school. I think the Cups, the Rookie Awards, the MVPs, they show were not just playing because of our dads,” Nicky tells him. His phone vibrates in his hands to indicate he has a text. He looks at it: Ben. This is Ben Grady-Hunter. I wondered if I might stop by to have you look at a few things. The sooner you can sign off, the sooner the contractor can get started. Nicky makes a huffing noise that Maks clearly hears. “What?” His brother asks. “Ben Grady-Hunter just texted me. He wants to come by to show me a few design things," he says. “Tell him to come. It would be nice to see him,” Maks says. Nicky doesn’t want Ben there. He doesn’t want him taking time from his brother. He doesn’t want his shitty attitude. But he’s right. The sooner he approves everything, the sooner they get started, the sooner Ben is out of his life. He texts back: Sure, I’m home. I’ll be here all evening. Maks is here too, if that’s okay. Ben responds almost immediately: I’ll swing by in about an hour. “He’ll be here in about an hour,” Nicky tells him. In the meantime he and Maks order way too much pasta to be delivered. It’s comfort food to them, something Papa and Dad make together all the time. Pasta and Chicken Parm were pretty much every celebratory meal they had as kids too. Centaurs won the Cup? Pasta and Chicken Parm. Maks passed his driver’s test? Pasta and Chicken Parm. Natalia got first place in the Science Fair? Pasta and Chicken Parm. So tonight, as he and his big brother hang out, all he wants is pasta and chicken parm. The doorbell rings. “I got it,” Maks says. Then a few seconds later, Nicky hears, “Ben!” Nicky sees then that Maks has pulled Ben into a hug. “Whoa! You got muscles!” Ben laughs. Like a real laugh. Not the fake, unfriendly laughs from when he met Nicky in his office. He seems genuinely happy to see Maks and Nicky feels a little jealous about that. “Well, it’s been a few years,” he says. “How are you, Maks?” “Okay,” Maks answers. “Busy but okay.” “I saw your Rookie of the Year a few years ago,” Ben says. “My Pops, Scott, was super excited for you. He said it was about time a goalie got their recognition and he was glad it was Shane Hollander’s kid.” “Thanks,” Maks smiled. “Tell your dad thanks too. How are they? And Grace?” Nicky decides to break up the party then. “Maks, let the poor guy come in,” he says. “Oh, sorry,” Maks laughs. Ben laughs too. “You’re okay.” Nicky gestures for Ben to come in. He sets up his computer at the kitchen table. “We ordered food if you want to stay,” Nicky says. He’s not sure why he does that. Ben has made it clear that he despises Nicky. But also seemed genuinely excited to see Maks. “I wouldn’t want to intrude,” Ben says. “It’s not an intrusion. We have plenty of food. You can catch Maks up on the ins-and-outs of the Grady-Hunter family,” Nicky sighs. Ben doesn’t miss the tone in his voice, giving him a quick glance, before looking back to Maks, who seems all too happy to have this visitor join them. Maybe that’s why Nicky didn’t recognize him. He’s closer in age to Maks and they would have been friends. Nicky would have been chasing them for a minute of attention. “You guys do your thing while we wait for the food. I’m just going to hang out on the couch. You want a beer, Ben?” Maks gives Nicky a look. He knows it’s almost a reprimand. But Nicky doesn’t care. Why should he? Ben was the one that was a dick to him. “Sure,” Ben responds from his seat at the table. Ben pulls up the design software and Nicky takes the seat next to him. Ben swallows hard just as Maks sets the beer bottle next to him, passing a bottle to Nicky too, then going to the couch. “I, um, I want to apologize for the way I acted at the office the other day,” Ben says. He doesn’t meet Nicky’s eyes but keeps moving his mouse. “Why did you act that way?” Nicky asks. Ben finally looks up. “I don’t play hockey but I can’t ever seem to outrun the Hunter name and I wrongfully assumed I was given your job because of the hockey connection.” He grips the beer bottle and takes a long drink. “But I wasn’t.” “No, they said you were the only one that did the structure stuff and the design stuff,” Nicky says. “Exactly,” Ben answers. “I was also a little hurt when you didn’t recognize me.” Nicky laughs. “No offense, Ben, but you don’t look much like you did when we were kids. You were much shorter. And you’re a hell of a lot more built.” “It’s the rugby,” Ben says. “And I look a lot like my Dad.” Nicky’s intrigued by this. Not that he knows anything about rugby but other than teammates, he doesn’t have a lot of friends in DC. It would be nice, to be friends, with Ben. “You play rugby?” “Not like professionally but I’m in an inclusive league with other gay men here in DC. I played in high school and college and now it gives me something to do,” Ben explains. “When do you play?” Nicky asks. “Saturday mornings at Rauol Wallenberg near the Mall,” Ben answers. “You have my number, right? Text me when your game is on Saturday. I don’t play until that night and I’d love to come see you play,” Nicky said. Ben’s face lights up at that. He gives him a genuine smile and it does something to Nicky. It’s a feeling he’s unfamiliar with, like a flip in his belly. But Ben’s smile is magnetic and Nicky can’t help but smile back. Ben shows Nicky the plans he’s been working on. It feels like a lot. It will take at least six months, probably longer. But when Ben shows him the mockups he has, Nicky knows it will be worth the wait. Ben hasn’t created a house. He’s created a home. Some place that Nicky could build his life. “It’s perfect. Thank you,” Nicky says. “Of course,” Ben’s lips curve into a gentle smile. Food arrives and Maks sets it all out on the counter like he used to when they were kids. They pile their plates with pasta and then sit at the table to eat. Nicky can talk to anyone about anything but Maks is better about personal conversations. So Nicky lets him chat, putting in his input when necessary. “How’s Gracie?” Maks asks. Gracie Grady-Hunter is Ben’s little sister. Nicky vaguely remembers that she was closer in age to Natalia than either of them. “Good, she’s in school,” Ben answers. “She wants to be an elementary school teacher, if you can believe it.” Maks chuckles. “I can see that. She, Diana, Nat, Ethan and Ella used to play school sometimes.” Nicky hadn’t remembered that. He just remembered their crazy, spontaneous dance parties and the noise. Always a chorus of voices. “And your dads?” “Good, Pops, Scott, had a knee replacement a few months ago so he’s walking a little slower and Dad always makes a joke about how he can finally keep up now,” Ben says. They all laugh. “Ilya Rozanov would have a joke about his knee replacement and his age but I’m not telling him,” Nicky says. They all laugh again. Ben tells them how his dad is mostly volunteering at an independent art museum in the city. He sees them every month, takes the train to NYC. “What about your dads? It seems weird I haven’t seen them in so long,” Ben asks. “Pops says they’re pretty involved with the Oracles.” “Yeah, they do a lot of media stuff for them. Our sister-in-law, Tati, she works on the coaching staff now too so they love having Oksana and Irinia in Ottawa again. The foundation keeps them busy too,” Maks says. “It’s funny because for so long they were the center of attention at everything. Now they’re pretty content to be dads and grandparents.” Ben clears his throat. “And neither of you have decided to throw your hat into marriage and parenthood.” “Oh God no,” Nicky says, maybe a little too quickly. But Ben’s looking at him. “I mean, for the right person, I would. Our dads have a pretty good love story that’s hard to compete with.” Nicky takes a drink of his beer. He doesn’t know why he feels nervous but he does. “Please don’t take offense to this but you kind of have a reputation for literally not wanting to settle down,” Ben says. He looks at Maks then. He remembers what he told him on the phone. People think certain things about him because he doesn’t tell them the truth. He wants to believe that’s true. “Not everything you hear or even see is real. If I had to correct everything said about me that wasn’t fact, I’d never do anything but address rumors.” “So you don’t just have casual sex all the time?” Ben asks. Nicky wants the floor to open up and suck him into the center of the earth, because, fuck this is awkward. He looks at his brother again, who also looks slightly nervous. “No,” Nicky says honestly. “I like sex but it’s not like I go and intentionally seek it out.” There. That’s that. He looks at Ben then whose eyebrows are slightly raised and has a small smile on his lips. “What about you?” “Do I have casual sex?” Ben asks and he blushes. It’s adorable. Nicky wonders if he should say yes because now he’s a little intrigued. “Um, no, do you want marriage and kids and all that?” Nicky clarifies. Ben lets out a soft laugh. “Oh definitely. If I found the right guy,” Ben says. Everyone is quiet for a second. “I do want to get married. I want kids and all that. I just haven’t met the right man for that.” He swallows hard. “What about you Maks?” “Oh, yeah,” Maks answers. “Someday.” He twirls the pasta on his fork. “It’s hard to meet people that aren’t just interested in you because you’re a professional hockey player. I want someone who recognizes me as more than that, you know?” “Me too,” Nicky adds. Maks has said the thing 90% of professional athletes fear: that people only want them for their fame. Ben clears his throat and then drinks his beer. “I can see that. When I was a kid, I never knew if people wanted to actually be my friend or if they just wanted to be close to Scott Hunter’s kid.” Nicky supposes that’s something he has in common with Ben. Being the child of a star athlete was amazing. Most of the time. But there was always that voice in the back of his head that it’s not him people want. It’s his name. “Yeah, I get that,” Nicky adds. The conversation flows pretty steadily throughout the rest of the evening. Nicky originally worried that having Ben there might throw a wrench in getting to spend time with his brother. It doesn’t, they all talk and share and catch up. It’s nice to feel that camaraderie with someone who doesn’t play hockey with him. They’ve cleaned up dinner and then moved the conversation to the living room. They talk about the time they used to all spend together during the summer. It’s reminiscing but something more, something bigger. “I should probably head out,” Ben says. They all stand. “Thanks for dinner and for letting me hang out.” Nicky responds, “Thanks for coming over.” “Yeah, I wanted to get those designs approved as soon as I could. I’ll probably call you tomorrow if anything changes,” Ben explains. Maks steps forward and hugs Ben. “Don’t be a stranger, okay? No more decades before we see each other shit.” Ben claps him on the back as he returns the hug. It’s a little funny because Maks is much taller than Ben. “Hey, I’m working with Nicky now. He’ll be seeing so much of me, he’ll be sick of me by the time it’s over.” “I don't think that’s possible,” Nicky smiles at him. Ben returns it. “I hope not.” Nicky walks him to the door. “Rugby on Saturday, right?” He asks. “You don’t have to come if you don’t want to. I know you’re busy,” Ben says somewhat sheepishly. “I want to. I’ll see you then, okay?” Nicky tells him. Ben’s smile is back. “Okay, see you then.” Then he turns around and walks down the hall to the elevator. Nicky is still standing in the doorway. He tells himself it’s because he’s waiting to make sure Ben gets on the elevator and down safely. But he also knows that he just likes looking at him. This is a new feeling. It’s a little confusing. This isn’t just a friendly feeling. This is something else, something that feels like attraction. Ben gives a wave as he walks into the elevator and out of sight. When Nicky turns around, Maks is staring at him. “What?” Maks blinks once or twice. “Nothing. Just glad Ben’s back in our lives.” Nicky clears his throat. “Me too. Me too

Chapter 2: God, I’m jumping in the deep end

Chapter Summary Nicky and Ben get reacquainted!

Chapter Notes

Hi everyone! Thank you for following along on this journey! There’s a lot of dialogue but I hope it’s worth it! Also, Ben and Nicky subscribe to the Kip and Scott relationship timeline. As in, they move fast. God, I’m jumping in the deep end Nicky wakes up early Saturday morning. He’s looking forward to watching Ben play rugby today. He honestly knew little to nothing about the game of rugby before last night when he scoured Wikipedia, then ESPN, then every rugby team’s website. It reminded him of when his dad tried to learn something new and threw himself into research. There was no way Nicky was going to remember all of it but he wanted to make the effort. He also tried to dress as inconspicuously as possible. Athletic pants, Adidas hoodie, and an Oracles cap. It’s sunny so he’ll more than likely keep his sunglasses on. He isn’t worried about being recognized. He just doesn’t want to take away from Ben or the rugby game. He stops at a coffee shop near his apartment and grabs an iced coffee and a breakfast sandwich. He starts to text Ben to ask if he wants anything but figures probably not before a game. He does grab an extra bottle of water, just in case. Nicky tells himself this is just him going to see a friend play a sport he likes. He’s trying not to think about the way he felt when Ben left his apartment earlier in the week. That lasts up until the moment he arrives at the rugby pitch. The teams are warming up and stretching on either sides of the pitch. He wasn’t sure what he was expecting but it wasn’t Ben in tight, short shorts, with legs like tree trunks. His shirt that reads Potomac Pride fits snug around his chest and Nicky can see the outline of his abs. “Yebat’,” Nicky mutters under his breath. Fuck. Ben spots him as he jogs toward the side of the field. “Hey,” he says. “I’m so glad you came.” Ben pulls him into a quick hug. “Yeah, I’m really excited to be here,” Nicky responds as he returns the hug. When he pulls away, he looks at the crowd there to watch. It’s a good size. There are no bleachers for spectators but a few people have folding chairs and blankets. “Oh, I brought you something.” He hands Ben the bag with the bottle of water. “I’m sure you brought one but just in case you need a refill.” Ben takes it. “Thanks, this is great actually. I always run out.” Nicky tries to not be too proud of himself but it’s hard when Ben looks so pleased. They both just stare at each other for a comfortable minute. “Um, my teammate’s husband and their baby have a blanket over there if you want to sit,” Ben spouts out quickly and Nicky wonders if he hears nervousness in his voice. If he feels something too. Nicky nods. “Yeah, I’d like that.” Ben motions for him to follow and they walk towards a large blanket where a man is sitting. His legs are out in front of him but he’s leaned back on his hands. There’s a baby girl laying on her back on the blanket and kicking her feet. “Hey, Travis,” Ben says. “This is my friend I was telling you about that might be joining us today.” The man stands up and wipes his hands on his jeans. He’s wearing a black t-shirt that says “Potomac Pride” in white letters with an outline of who he assumes is George Washington with a Pride flag. “Travis English,” the man says, holding his hand out. Nicky takes it and shakes. “I hope you don’t mind slummin’ it with us here on the blanket.” “Nikolai Hollander-Rozanov,” Nicky responds in kind. “Please call me Nicky though. And not at all..” Travis nods. “Who’s the little one?” Nicky kneels down on the blanket to look at the little girl. Ben cleans his throat and Nicky turns back to him. “You okay here?” Ben asks. “I need to finish warming up.” Nicky grins and nods. “I’m good. Have a great game!” “Thanks,” Ben says. “We’ll talk after the game?” “I’ll be here,” Nicky responds. He watches Ben turn and then run back to his teammates. Even his run is adorable but athletic. Nicky shakes himself out of his thoughts and then turns back to Travis. “Sorry.” Travis had a knowing grin on his face. “It’s okay,” he says. He kneels down too and scoops up the baby. “This is Lulu.” Nicky chats with Travis for awhile as they wait for the match to start. He finds out that Travis and his husband, Vincent, Ben’s teammate, run a law firm that focuses on family law. He finds out Lulu is a nickname for Lucia. She is four months old and she gives Nicky the gummiest smiles. Travis and Vincent share Lulu with their friends, a lesbian couple that live in Alexandria. “Ben and I went to college together,” Travis explains. “He actually introduced Vincent and I. Vinny played rugby with him and one night he brought him out for drinks with us. We kind of hit it off.” Lulu reaches out for Nicky and he’s happy to pick her up. He gives her a little boop on the nose. “How do you know Ben?” “Well, his dads and my dads are kinda friends so we spent time together as kids,” Nicky answers. It’s the short answer, devoid of all the years they hadn’t spent together or the traumatic encounter in Ben’s office. “Scott and Kip are pretty great,” Travis says. “They are. I haven’t seen them in years but Scott would come work my dads’ hockey camps every summer. And then we kids would cause chaos for however long they visited,” Nicky laughs. “Shane and Ilya?” Travis asks. “Your dads?” “Yeah,” Nicky responds. “I grew up in Boston,” Travis says. “So I know all about Ilya Rozanov.” He chuckles as he says it. “Well, and Shane Hollander, I guess. My brother still hates Montreal.” “Yeah, same,” Nicky jokes. “Doesn’t your brother literally play for Montreal?” Travis asks. Nicky laughs again. “Yeah, but I try not to hold it against him.” Lulu starts to squirm in his arms. He switches his tactic to bouncing gently. When he looks up, he can see that Ben is watching him from across the pitch. Nicky waves and Ben responds with his own wave, a pink creeping up his cheeks. Nicky likes it. He likes the way Ben seems confident but also seems a little shy. When he turns, he also notices that Travis is watching the exchange. Nicky catches his eye and Travis grins. “Ben’s a really good guy. He’s Lulu’s godfather and she’s very protective of him. Just so you know.” “Noted,” Nicky answers. Rugby, as it turns out, is an amazing game to watch. It’s fast and players don’t hesitate to tackle each other without pads. He learns that a scrum in rugby is not the same as a scrum in hockey. And if Nicky thought Ben’s legs looked good before, he hadn’t expected the way they would look as he played. Travis is also kind enough to explain things when Nicky feels confused without making him feel like an idiot. And not to say anything when he sees Nicky and Ben exchange glances across the field. When the game is nearing its end, a boy probably about the same age as his niece, Irina, approaches Nicky. “Izvinite, vy Nikolay Hollander-Rozanov?” The boy asks. Excuse me. Are you Nikolai Hollander-Rozanov? “YA,” Nicky responds. I am. The boy’s face lights up. “Moya sem'ya tol'ko chto pereyekhala syuda iz Rossii! I ya znayu, chto vy tozhe russkaya!” My family just moved here from Russia! And I know you are Russian too! Nicky smiles but he feels that sadness that comes with Russia. He remembers next to nothing about Russia. He does remember that his Papa was never allowed to go back there. Nicky himself has never been back and will never go back. But his Papa worked very hard to remind them of Russian traditions and to make sure all of his children were fluent in Russian. Ilya Rozanov also raised them to be proud Canadians and to love the homeland that adopted him. The little boy pulls the chain around his neck to show Nicky the Orthodox cross necklace he wears. “Like yours!” He says in English. Nicky tugs at his own chain under his hoodie to show his necklace. Maks has one too, given to them on the days they were drafted. Nat will get one when she graduates college. That memory does make Nicky smile. Their necklaces are a piece of the grandmother they never met, as well as a homeland they’ll never truly know. But also a part of their Papa carry with them everywhere they go. Just like the outlined maple leaf tattoo he and Maks have on their sides that allows them to carry their Dad with them too. There’s a woman who approaches then. She’s blonde with blue eyes and reminds Nicky a little of Diana Hayes, very feminine and the type of person you know is kind. “I am sorry to disturb. My husband works for Russian Embassy. Sergei saw you and wanted to meet.” “Dobro pozhalovat' v Vashington,” Nicky says. Welcome to Washington DC. “Spasibo,” the woman says. “Could you take picture? With Sergei?” “Da, of course,” Nicky stands and puts his arm around the young boy as the mom snaps a picture on his phone. “Priyatno poznakomit'sya, Sergey,” Nicky says as he shakes Sergei’s hand. Nice to meet you, Sergei. When Sergei and his mom have gone, he looks back to the field to see Ben watching him again. Nicky wants to know what he’s thinking. “Does that get exhausting? People recognizing you?” Travis asks him. Nicky chuckles. “To be honest, I’m kind of used to it. My dads were always being recognized wherever we went as kids. When I had my wisdom teeth removed when I was sixteen, they brought me out after to a waiting room of people lined up like it was a meet-and-greet.” “Ben’s told us similar stories about his dad, Scott,” Travis says. “But I imagine it was worse with two famous dads.” Lulu makes her presence known then with a loud squeal. “Poor Lulu here will only have boring lawyer dads and an architect godfather.” “That actually sounds pretty amazing,” Nick says. *** “I know you have a game later but there’s a coffee shop across the street we go to after our games. Do you want to come?” Ben asks when the match ends. He’s in the process of pulling off his jersey. Nicky knows his eyes go wide. He’s trying not to stare at the ripple of his stomach muscles. He knows he fails. Ben slips on a Potomac Pride t-shirt, then switches out his rugby boots for regular sneakers. Nicky looks at his watch to check the time. He has to change clothes before going to the arena but he should still have time. “Sure, I can come for a bit,” Nicky says. It won’t take him too long to get back to Arlington and he feels a little special that Ben would ask him. They walk across the street to the cafe. There are already a few of Ben’s teammates there. Ben introduces him to Vinny, Travis’s husband. They sit at a table with them and Lulu. Nicky makes faces at the baby and he relishes each giggle he gets out of her. “You’re really good with her,” Travis observes. “I have a niece, Irina. She’s much older than Lulu now,” Nicky explains. “And, when I was growing up, it seemed like there were always babies around. I got lucky growing up in Ottawa. My dads’ team was like a big family and then we had camp coaches and their kids during the summers.” “We’d go up for a few days every summer and there were so many kids,” Ben adds. He has a bit of a goofy grin on his face. “The Hollander-Rozanovs, the Grady-Hunters, the Barrett- Drovers, the Hayes kids, the Pike kids, probably ten other former MLH players and their families. We’d swim in the lake at the cottage. We’d beg to set up tents in the yard and have bonfires and literally run wild. Ilya would tell us the most ridiculous scary stories and we’d have s’mores. It was a pretty cool childhood.” “It was,” Nicky says. “Then when we got older, my siblings and I helped with the camps and took care of the new players’ kids.” “It was hockey but it was also something else,” Ben adds. “It couldn’t have been easy, being the kids of gay players. I know even now a lot of hockey players are still closeted, it had to be harder then,” Vinny says. “Sometimes it wasn’t. But during the summers, we all had each other. We all knew what it was like. And my dads, Nicky’s dads, Troy and Harris, they were all out in a pretty public way. And they were all so different that was like having 9 or 10 gay dads with different personalities. You knew who to go to for what,” Ben explains. “How so?” Travis asks. “If you needed hockey advice, Troy or Shane. Not because the others weren’t as good, their brains just functioned on hockey. As we got older, Shane got better with emotional stuff. If you wanted to do something completely outlandish and maybe a little dangerous like hunt for the Loch Ness monster in the lake behind the cottage, even though the Loch Ness monster is definitely in Scotland and not in Canada, Ilya was your best bet,” Ben says. “Harris and Kip gave the best hugs but it was worse to be disciplined by them because they would just say they were ‘disappointed’,” Nicky adds. He smirks. “And Scott was the best person to have on your team if the theme was 90s Boy Band Trivia.” Ben shoves at him playfully. It sounds like an Ilya Rozanov joke. But Ben says, “You’re not wrong though.” Lulu starts to fuss then and Vinny looks at his watch. “Sorry, guys, it’s nap time.” Both Travis and Vinny stand, bouncing Lulu lightly. Nicky and Ben stand too. Nicky puts his hand out for Travis, “Thanks for letting me crash the blanket today.” “Any time,” Travis grins as he shakes his hand. “Seriously, any Saturday, you’re welcome to join us. I think Lulu liked the company.” “I appreciate it,” Nicky responds. He turns to Vinny then, putting his hand out for him. Vinny shakes it. “Don’t be a stranger, yeah? I like to think we’re good friends to have.” Nicky nods. “Yeah, thanks.” Lulu puts out her little fingers and Nicky holds them gently. “Lulu, my new best girl, we’ll have to get together soon, yeah?” Lulu coos at him. Travis and Vincent hug Ben and then leave. Nicky sits back down and Ben takes the spot that Travis had been sitting in, so he can face Nicky a little better. “I saw you talking to that boy during the match,” Ben says. “Yeah, his family just emigrated from Russia and he recognized me,” Nicky explains. “Is it hard? To talk about Russia?” Ben asks. “I don’t know a lot of details about how you ended up with your dads.” He takes a sip of his iced latte. “You don’t have to tell me either, I was just wondered if it’s difficult.” Nicky sighs, more from the complication of the whole affair than from anything else. “I don’t remember anything about Russia. I was like five months old when Papa came to get us. I don’t remember my biological parents at all. Maks remembers some stuff but not much.” Then Nicky takes a drink from his bottle of water. “I don’t know if you know that my Papa is actually my biological uncle. That’s why I look like him.” “I think I knew that. Maybe,” Ben confirms. He stares down at his drink. Nicky clears his throat. “Whenever I meet someone from Russia and they recognize me, I never really know what I’m going to get. Am I going to get the ones that are excited to meet me or am I going to get the ones who believe Papa should be punished for being married to a man? So when I meet them, I want them to know what Russia missed by exiling the Rozanov family. But also to be an example, I guess, if that makes sense, for kids, to be inclusive and more than tolerant, to be accepting.” Ben nods and swirls the drink in his cup. “I think that’s why Pops always did your dads’ summer camps. To show the next generation of hockey players how not to be assholes.” “Hey, it worked on me,” Nicky winks at Ben as he says it. (It’s a classic Ilya Rozanov wink.) “Well, the jury’s still out on that,” Ben snickers. Nicky looks at Ben as he takes another sip of his drink. “Hey, could I buy one of those Potomac Pride shirts? I think it would be cool to rep you guys.” Ben looks a little taken aback. “Really?” “Yeah,” Nicky says. He knows he needs to head out. But he doesn’t want to leave. He likes this, just talking with Ben. So he does something about it. “Uh, I know it’s short notice but do you have plans this evening?” Nicky asks. “I always have two tickets to the games and they mostly go unused but I keep them for Nat or my dads. But I’d love you to take them. You can invite someone and then maybe after we could go get drinks or something.” Nicky knows he’s rambling and it’s probably really inconsiderate to invite Ben last minute like this. “Sorry, you can say no. I just, I’ve really enjoyed today and I kind of don’t want it to end.” Ben doesn’t look overwhelmed or even annoyed. He looks…sweet. “I don’t have plans tonight and I would love to come to the game. It’s actually been awhile since I’ve been to an MLH game.” “Really?” It’s Nicky’s turn to sound surprised. “Yeah, I think it’ll be fun,” Ben grins, then Nicky sees him blush. “And I kind of don’t want it to end either.” Nicky checks his watch again. “I need to go but I’ll see you later, yeah?” “I’ll be there,” Ben says. They both stand and share a quick hug. “Bye, Ben,” Nicky says. Ben smiles again. “Bye, Nicky.” *** Other than his family and the Barrett-Drover twins, Nicky has never had someone use his tickets. As previously mentioned, he doesn’t really have friends outside of his teammates, and he’s never really been in a relationship where the other person would use them. He’s always kept them because he never knows when Nat and Ella Barrett-Drover might roll into town to spend a weekend with Ella’s twin, Ethan, who’s at Gallaudet University in DC. Or when his grandparents decide to be spontaneous and become tourists in DC. Or his Dads want to come and embarrass him with obnoxious signs and jerseys. (“Ilya, you can’t take a sign that says “My son is better at literally everything”…) Ben being there means something to Nicky, something very important. Like having someone in his corner, having someone who cares enough to sit through a major part of Nicky’s life. Because the bottom line is that Nicky loves hockey. Ben is not just any person either. He knows how the hockey world works. He shows up during warm-ups and he’s wearing an Ottawa Oracles sweatshirt, which makes Nicky smile. He has Vinny with him and they stand by the plexiglass watching the DC Defenders stretch and skate. Nicky skates to the plexiglass and wave. “Thanks for coming!” He says. He’s not sure that Ben really hears him but hopefully he can get the gist of it. Ben waves back and nods. “Who’s that?” Noel Mathison, one of the defenders asks. “He’s a friend,” Nicky says nonchalantly. Noel gives him a look. “You? Have friends? That aren’t women that you’ve fucked?” “Fuck off, Mattie,” Nicky says before she skates off. When they go back to the locker room, before they announce the starting lineup, Nicky texts Ben (and Vinny) to come down to the locker room area when the game’s over, if he’s up for a drink. It might be a little late by the time the game ends and he’s showered and done any press that he needs to. He tells Ben that he understands if he has to pass but he’d love to hang out if he’s up for it. *** One of Nicky’s favorite parts of every game is hearing the announcer say his name. “Your Center, wearing number 84, Nikolai Hollanderrrrrrrr-Rozanovvvvvvvv!” Before his very first MLH game, his Papa told him, “Remember that sound, Nikolai. And every time you hear it, never forget that it is a privilege to do what we do.” He thinks of that every time his name is announced and his skates touch the ice. He is fortunate and he never wants to forget that. He looks up to the area where his seats are to see Ben on his feet, clapping. Nicky smiles. It feels a little strange to admit that he wants Ben to be proud of him. He wants Ben to cheer for him. He lets himself relish the moment. Then he shifts his focus to the game. Tonight, DC is playing Florida. Florida’s fans love Nicky because they loved his Papa. Florida’s players do not love Nicky and it becomes a very physical game. There’s a lot of body checking into the boards, at least three fights (none that he’s involved in), and both teams rack up the penalty minutes. The DC Defenders win 2-1, but it’s hardfought. For Nicky, though, it seems worth it when he returns to the locker room, he sees a text from Ben: Great game! Vinny has to go home but a drink sounds amazing. I’ll come down. “Hey, Artie,” Nicky grabs the security guard before he has to talk to the media. “I have a friend coming down. His name is Ben Grady-Hunter. Can you let him through?” “You got it, boss,” Artie says. “Thanks, man,” Nicky claps him on the back. He jogs back to the locker room to strip out of his gear before being snagged by communications to chat with the media. Someone throws him a Defender cap to cover his helmet hair. He still feels pretty disgusting but he wants to get this over with to get out of here. “Florida is always a tough team. It was a tough game but we played hard and came out on top,” Nicky says. “Leno was on it at the goal. You know, the guys played some tough defense. It’s not all scoring, it’s keeping the other team from scoring too, and our guys did a great job of that tonight.” He realizes it sounds stupid. He’s basically explaining how any game is won but they asked so… “Any thoughts on playing against Ottawa next month?” a reporter asks. He knew this question was coming. Everyone always expects him to be ruffled when it comes to Ottawa. And he is a little. His family will be there, a lot of the players that he grew up idolizing will be there. But he’s the son of Shane Hollander, who taught him how to be diplomatic with answers. “Ottawa is an amazing team. It’s my hometown so I’m excited to play there. But I play for DC and I have no doubt we’re going to bring it all to Ottawa,” Nicky answers. There’s a cacophony of ‘Nick’ or ‘Nikolai’ but Nicky just waves. “Thanks, guys.” He hopes they get the polite dismissive nature of it and walks back to the locker room. It’s a quick shower and changing back into his suit before he finally makes it out of the locker room. Ben is standing there, chatting with Artie. “You didn’t tell me your friend was Scott Hunter’s kid!” Artie says. “That man was the nicest player. Always so kind to the staff. He’d sign stuff for our kids. Just an all-around stand up guy.” Nicky can see the pride in Ben’s eyes as he listens. “No offense to your dads, Mr. Hollander-Rozanov, but he was always my favorite non-DC Defenders player.” Nicky laughs. “You can call me Nicky, Artie. And I won’t tell them!” “I’ll let my Pops know though. He’ll be happy to know someone remembers him,” Ben says, with a small grin. Artie puts his hand out to shake Ben’s hand. “I’ll let you boys enjoy your evening.” “Thanks, Artie,” Nicky says as he claps him on the back. He motions for Ben to follow him. “There’s a place not far from here called Butlers. They make a great Old Fashioned.” Ben answers, “Yeah, sure, sounds good.” “Did you drive?” Nicky asks. Ben shakes his head. “No, I took the Metro.” “I can drive us there,” Nicky explains. “Then I can drive you home, if you want.” Ben nods. “Yeah, sounds good.” They walk the hallways down to the parking garage. There are a few other players’ cars still in the parking lot. Ben says, “I’m playing a game in my head right now. It’s called ‘which car belongs to Nikolai Hollander-Rozanov?’” Nicky chuckles and pulls out his keys to unlock his car. The beep fills the parking garage. He pops the trunk to put his bag in it.. “This is your car?” Ben sounds a little stunned. “Uh, yeah,” Nicky answers. “But, it’s a Jeep,” Ben says. “Like a normal Jeep Wrangler.” Ben continues to stare at the car. It’s a newer model Jeep Wrangler Rubicon in red. “Shouldn’t you be driving like a ridiculously expensive impractical sports car?” Nicky chuckles at his expression. “Do you remember Wyatt Hayes?” “Yeah, from the camps,” Ben answers. “Well, he was one of our honorary uncles growing up. He drove one of these and it kind of became my dream car,” Nicky explains. “Plus, it can be a little sporty when I want it to be. Maks drives one too. His is blue though.” “Hmmm,” Ben hums as he climbs into the passenger side. He looks around the interior. “Okay, I take it back. This thing is loaded. Leather heated seats, giant screen here. Does this thing drive itself?” “No, but I’m Canadian so I learned to appreciate a car that’s good in the snow,” Nicky smirks. Ben shakes his head. “Oh, Canada!” he deadpans. The drive to the bar isn’t far. Nicky is a little curious if any of the other players will be there tonight. Not that he cares one way or the other. He just would really like to focus on Ben and spending time with him instead of shooting the shit with his teammates. The conversation in the car is good and flows easily. They actually talk about the game, which is nice. Ben tells him this was how a lot of games went when he was growing up. His Pops would come home and ask him what he saw, good or bad. Ben learned to see things in different ways. It reminds Nicky a little of Natalia. She never would skate with them as kids but she never touched a hockey stick. She was better at analyzing a game than he or Maks could dream of being. They arrive at the bar and Nicky gets their drinks. Old Fashioned for Nicky, Manhattan for Ben. “We’re both whisky guys,” Nicky says when he sits down in the booth across from him. Ben gives him a sly smile. “I guess so.” Nicky has a thousand questions he wants to ask but he also doesn’t want to seem like he’s coming on too strong. Being attracted to someone isn’t new to him. Wanting more than just attraction, it kind of is. “Do you live in DC?” Nicky asks as he takes a sip of his drink. “Sorry if that’s too personal.” Ben laughs. “I think we’re past that, Nicky. I have an apartment in Georgetown, not too far from your new place. It’s literally just a one bedroom but it’s in a building that faces the river and it’s close to work.” “Georgetown is cool,” Nicky says. “I went to school there. Georgetown,” Ben explains. “Then I just never left. I had friends from school that were staying so I already had a community. And I just like DC. It’s a different vibe than New York. Do you like living in DC? I only ask because you’ve been here awhile and your just buying your first place.” Nicky nods to acknowledge what he’s saying is true. “I do like it here. The first little bit I was here, I guess I never knew for sure that I was going to be staying. It seemed easier just to rent. I didn’t want to commit until I knew I’d be here for awhile.” Ben takes a sip of his drink then licks his lips. “What about now? Are you committed?” Nicky leans forward a little. “There’s only one place I’d leave DC for and I don’t see that happening any time soon.” “Ottawa?” Ben asks. “That’s the one place, right?” Nicky nods again. “It’s the only team I’d leave for. It’s not just my family being there. It’s the community. And the team, the team is not just good at hockey. They’re good people.” He takes another sip. “But again, I have plans to be here in DC for as long as I can.” “That’s good,” Ben says. *** “You don’t mind driving me home? I know you have to be exhausted,” Ben clicks his seat belt in the Jeep. They’ve finished their drinks and it’s late. Nicky knows he needs to go home and sleep. There’s another home game tomorrow night. He’s just not quite ready to say bye to Ben. “I don’t mind at all,” Nicky tells him. The drive goes too fast and Nicky is a little sad when he pulls up to Ben’s building. His apartment building faces the Potomac and the lights of the city reflect off the river. It’s beautiful. “I know it’s late but would you like to come up for a minute? The view is pretty amazing from upstairs,” Ben asks. “Yeah, I’d like that,” Nicky tells him. Ben tells him where to park and then walks him up to his apartment. He opens the door for them. “Water?” Ben asks. He puts his keys on a table inside the door and takes off his denim jacket. “Please,” Nicky answers. He walks towards the floor to ceiling windows in the living room and looks out. Ben was right, the view is spectacular. “I wanted to tell you that I’m really glad I got assigned to your place,” Ben says from the kitchen. Nicky can hear him open the fridge and close it. Ben walks back to him and hands him a bottle of water. “And I want to apologize again for how I acted that first day.” Nicky unscrews the cap on his water and takes a drink. “I know I have a reputation. There are parts of it that are true. I can be an asshole on the ice. I may have had a little too much sex in the past. But I promise I’m not…” He’s not sure how to finish that statement. There’s a lot of things he’s perceived to be that he isn’t. “I know,” Ben says. Nicky turns then to look at Ben. Ben’s eyes are so soft and tender and sincere. And the only thing Nicky wants is to be closer to him. He cradles Ben’s face in his hands and then leans down. “Can I kiss you?” He asks. Ben breathes out, “Yes.” He closes the distance between them until their lips touch. It takes a second for Nicky’s brain to tell him to move but he does. He deepens the kiss. Then Ben’s tongue is swiping at his bottom lip and he tastes like whiskey and sugar. It’s intoxicating. Ben pulls back. “I wasn’t sure if…are you into…” He is trying to ask something and it takes Nicky a minute to figure it out. “Yes,” Nicky says. “I’m into you.” Ben leans in closer to him. “Have you ever before? With a man?” “I’ve kissed a man before. But I’ve never had sex with a man, no,” Nicky tries to sound confident even though he’s trembling inside. “But I would. With you, if you wanted to.” There’s such a truth in that. Nicky wants to, he wants to be as close as possible to Ben. To feel things with Ben. Ben lifts his hand to Nicky’s cheek. “You’re so handsome, Nikolai,” he presses a quick kiss to Nicky’s lips. “I think…I think for tonight, maybe we will just keep getting to know each other.” Ben, as Nicky has observed, is generally a confident person. However, at the moment, he seems almost shy as he asks, “Do you want to stay? Tonight? We can just sleep.” Nicky doesn’t hesitate. “Yes.”

Chapter 3: It’s more fun to swim in

Chapter Summary There’s smut…and there’s an important conversation.

Chapter Notes

Hi everyone! Thank you for continuing on this journey with me. This chapter is almost entirely smut. I’ve never written anything like this so I hope it’s not terrible. Please be gentle. Also, please remember Ben is the child of Kip and Scott, and, as the guys on Empty Netters said, he’s getting his mail forwarded to Nicky’s house or vise versa, after the first night together. It’s more fun to swim in The next morning, Nicky wakes up with his body wrapped around Ben, both wearing nothing but their underwear. Ben had been adamant they do nothing but talk and kiss. Moving slow at a fast pace, is what he had called it. And it had been nice to fall asleep listening to each other tell stories between slow kisses. It’s very early, not even the sun is peaking through the windows of Ben’s bedroom. But he’s used to waking early, going for a run or getting ready for a workout, before most of the city has even started to stir. The problem is, the way his body is positioned, pressed against Ben’s backside, Nicky is also achingly hard. His body is very aware of Ben’s presence. Nicky is trying to be still. He knows he can’t go back to sleep so he tries to steady his breath. He’s trying to think of things that will make his penis to just chill. Then Ben turns over to face him. He blinks slowly. Nicky can’t help but smile with how serene he looks. Ben scoots closer to him. “Good morning,” Nicky whispers. Ben pulls his hand up and runs a few fingers through Nicky’s hair. “Good morning,” he whispers back. “I’ve always loved your curls.” “It’s a Rozanov trait, I think,” Nicky says, feeling like an idiot. Ben pulls him down to meet his lips with his own. It starts slow and gentle, like they are both just becoming acquainted with each other. Then Nicky pulls away to place his lips on Ben’s neck. He finds the pulse point just below his ear and sucks gently. “I won’t leave a mark, I promise,” Nicky says. Ben huffs and Nicky can hear the amusement in his voice. “It’s okay if you do, I don’t mind.” Nicky listens and sucks a little harder, not hard enough to bruise. Nicky moves his lips to Ben’s jaw and kisses from his ear to his chin. He feels Ben’s fingers dancing below his belly button, like he’s gauging how far he can go before Nicky will stop him. Ben keeps moving beneath the elastic of his boxer briefs until Nicky eventually feels Ben’s fingers wrap around his length. “Fuck,” Nicky groans out. Ben leans up and kisses his neck while he starts to pump his hand. “Is this okay?” He whispers in Nicky’s ear. “Yes,” Nicky breathes out. “God, Ben.” Nicky fumbles his own hand to Ben’s boxer. He palms his hand against his crotch. It’s a relief to Nicky that he’s hard too. He slips his fingers under the elastic and wraps them around Ben who lets out a hiss. He starts to move, up and down. “Is this okay? Will you tell me if I’m not doing it right?” Ben exhales. “Yes, just keep doing it like that.” Nicky is very good at following instructions. It’s one of the few things he gets from Shane Hollander, a deep seated desire to please. He runs his thumb over the slit of Ben’s cock and feels the moisture. He assumes that that’s obviously a good thing. He moves again to kiss Ben while they both continue their motions. When Nicky feels close, Ben pulls his hands away. “Lay back,” he says. Nicky does as he’s told but it forces him to release his hold on Ben. “But I want to—” “You will, just wait,” Ben responds. Ben’s lips start kissing over Nicky’s heart. Then down his sternum to his belly button. He pulls at the elastic again. “Can I pull these off?” “Yes,” Nicky breathes out. He lifts his butt to help Ben slide them off, and, for a minute, Nicky feels really exposed. He’s used to being naked, he actually probably spends at least 60% of his daily life naked. But it feels different to have Ben looking at him. “You’re gorgeous, Nicky,” Ben says. He goes back to his place above Nicky and starts his kisses. This time, he starts just below his belly button. Then down. He grabs Nicky’s cock at the base before swirling his tongue around the tip. Nicky’s bottom half comes off the bed as he arches his back. “Is this okay?” “Yes,” Nicky answers. It’s all the confirmation that Ben needs. He opens his mouth and then slides his lips down Nicky. “Oh, fuck, Ben.” “Mmmm…” Ben moans around him and sucks as he moves his head up and down. “Can I…I need to touch you,” Nicky says. He ran his fingers through his hair. He’s trying really hard not to be rough but holding Ben’s head, it’s not about control, it’s about feeling him. “Uh-huh,” Ben groans. Nicky cards his fingers into his hair a little, then runs them down his back. They way it feels to be touching him, when his mouth is warm and wet, and his tongue is caressing him. “Ben, I’m gonna come,” Nicky pants out. He feels everything in him tighten and he loosens his grip on Ben so he can move. Ben releases him with a pop and Nicky grabs himself at the base to pump once, twice, three times before he releases on his stomach. “Fuck…” He looks at Ben who’s grinning at him. “Let me get a rag,” Ben says as he stands and walks towards the bathroom. Ben walks back into the bedroom and wipes at Nicky’s stomach. Through the fabric of his boxer briefs, Nicky can tell Ben is hard. “Can I do it? To you?” Nicky asks. “You don’t have to,” Ben says. Nicky takes his hand and pulls him back to the bed. “But I want to.” Ben throws the dirty rag into a hamper in the corner, while Nicky sits up on the side of the bed. He tugs Ben towards him a little more forcefully. He’s not quite level with Ben’s dick but he’ll make it work. He pushes Ben’s boxer briefs down all the way to the floor. “Will you tell me? If I do something wrong?” Nicky asks. Ben nods. “I’ll tell you,” he says as he leans down to kiss the top of Nicky’s head. “I don’t mean to sound crude, but just start like a popsicle, if that helps.” “Thank you,” Nicky says. He’s grateful for the information on how to start. He’s seen it done before, had it done to him before, but he’s never done it before. But he really wants to learn. He follows Ben’s instructions and gently grabs hold of him. He leans down and runs his tongue from the base to the tip, then around the tip. “That’s good, Nikolai,” Ben whimpers. “Just like that.” God, the way Ben says his name…Nikolai. It makes Nicky want to ensure this is literally the best blowjob Ben’s ever received, even though he knows it probably won’t be. He moves his mouth up then to the tip. “Just suck, not too hard,” Ben pulls his chin up a little to look in Nicky’s eyes. Nicky does what he says. He sucks just a little and then moves his head down to take in as much of him as he can. Ben puts his hands on Nicky’s shoulders to steady himself. Nicky pulls his head back and wraps his hands around to hold onto Ben’s ass. Then moves forward. “That’s good,” Ben groans. “So good, Nikolai.” It shouldn’t be such a turn on to hear Ben say his name, to tell him he’s doing a good job, but goddammit, it is. “Fuck, fuck, fuck…” Ben pushes him off and grabs himself. “So good…” he moans as he comes. He releases on his fist but some of it drips onto the floor. “Sorry, that was really fast.” Ben starts to walk back to the hamper. Nicky grabs his hand and pulls him back. He pulls him down to kiss him. “No, it was amazing, Ben.” Ben leans down again. “It was amazing, Nicky.” He presses a gentle kiss on Nicky’s nose, then his lips. He goes back to the hamper and grabs the rag to clean himself up and then the floor. Then comes back to the bed. Nicky rolls over to pull him into his arms. Ben runs his finger down his chest. Just as Nicky goes to kiss him again, his alarm goes off on his phone. It’s blaring a Russian rap song that his Papa put on his phone as a joke but Nicky never took off because it’s so loud it actually wakes him up. “Sorry!” Nicky moves quickly to turn it off. “Work out?” Ben asks. “I’m the son of a retired professional hockey player who still tries to go for a run every morning.” “Fuck, I don’t want to leave,” Nicky says before he thinks about what it is he’s saying. He realizes it’s a bit presumptuous of him at this point. “Sorry, I probably shouldn’t have said that.” Ben rests his hand on cheek. “I wish you didn’t have to go either.” He runs his thumb over the apple of Nicky’s cheek. “I don’t know if I’ve made this clear, but I like you, Nikolai.” “Thank fuck,” Nicky responds quickly, “because I really like you too, Ben.” He leans down for another kiss. “What are you doing tonight?” “I’m supposed to have dinner with a family whose house I just finished. Then nothing,” Ben says. “I have a game but would you want to come to my place? After your dinner?” Nicky asks. “You can say no but you could bring a bag for work tomorrow.” Ben smiles. “Yeah, actually, that sounds great.” *** After that night, it becomes a habit for Ben to stay at Nicky’s or Nicky to stay at Ben’s. It’s a streak of home games for a week-and-a-half, then a trip to Boston in the mix. It’s nice and it feels so domestic to come home after a game to have Ben there. And they just fit, like pieces of a puzzle. There’s no awkwardness, no weird feelings of encroaching on each other’s lives. They keep the sexual activity to hands and mouths. They talk about sex. There’s sexual innuendo passed between the two of them. Then, one day, while they’re watching House Hunters International, Ben just spouts out, “I prefer to bottom.” Nicky, growing up with two men who had sex with each other (which he doesn’t want to think about his dads having sex but whatever), he knows it’s a normal conversation to have. He feels like he and Ben are on their own timeline, and, while they might have sped up some parts of the relationship process, this they’ll do when they’re ready. “Okay, that’s good information to have,” Nicky replies. *** A month after the first game Ben attended, the DC Defenders are scheduled to play the New York Admirals in DC. He always wants Ben at his games but he also knows it can be exhausting to go to games continuously. Nicky lets Ben know the tickets are available anytime but doesn’t blame if he’d rather not go. Except for this game. Because it’s New York. He really wants Ben there. “Will you come? Use my tickets?” Nicky asks. “Can I cheer for New York?” Ben asks slyly. He has a grin on his face so Nicky assumes he’s joking. Maybe Nicky just hopes he’s joking. “If you want to,” Nicky sighs. It is Ben’s home team and his dad did play for them for years. It doesn’t stop a little bit of jealousy that blossoms in Nicky’s brain. “What if I cheer for New York but I also cheer for you?” Ben leans in and kisses him quickly. “And maybe, if you win, you’ll get a reward.” “Oh really?” Nicky asks. “Maybe, we’ll just have to see,” Ben smirks. Ben invites Travis this time and he gets there during warmups again. Nicky’s on all fours on the ice, moving his legs and hips to stretch, when he looks up to the section where his tickets are. Ben’s there, wearing a DC Defender’s jersey. Nicky pushes himself up and waves, then pulls at his jersey. “Nice jersey,” Nicky mouths. Ben laughs as he waves back, then turns to the side to show him the number 84. His sweet Ben is wearing his jersey. There are people all over that wear a #84 Hollander-Rozanov jersey, and as much as he appreciates their support, nothing prepares him for the way he feels seeing Ben wear his number. It makes him feel more special than he’s felt in a long time. There’s even a moment where he has to swallow hard to remove the lump that’s formed in his throat. “Thank you,” Nicky mouths. Ben nods and gives him a smile. The game against New York is the type of game Nicky loves. It’s a constant movement of the puck up and down the ice. He skates hard and fast and scores twice. DC wins 5-4. The New York team is damn good and playing them reminds Nicky of what hockey can be, how fun it should be. The downside though is that Nicky is exhausted when he gets to Ben’s place that night. He can’t skate past the media or cut them short like he’s been able to before. They’re becoming even more insistent about the Ottawa game coming up. Nicky hopes that Ben is still awake but wouldn’t blame him if he isn’t. He toes off his shoes as he enters the apartment and sets his bag on a chair sitting just inside the door. When Nicky looks up, he sees that Ben’s wearing his jersey. With sweatpants, barefoot, leaning against the doorframe of his bedroom and giving Nicky a look that melts him. “You played a great game tonight,” he says. Nicky walks to him and gently kisses him. “You look good wearing my name and number,” he says. Ben’s eyes are bright as he responds, “I think I’d look better if you took it off.” Nicky surges forward then, pulling Ben to be flush with him. Their lips meet again with more force. Nicky feels Ben pushing his jacket off of him. Ben goes for the hem of Nicky’s t- shirt then. They break apart for Nicky to pull the shirt over his head. Ben’s hand goes to Nicky’s belt. He unbuckles, then pulls the zipper down. “As much as I would love for you to fuck me wearing your jersey, I’d like not to get it messy this time,” Ben says. Nicky takes that as all the invitation he needs to pull it over Ben’s head. Nicky pulls him close again to kiss him. It’s a flurry of tongue and Ben’s hands feel like they are everywhere. Eventually, Ben pushes Nicky’s jeans down to the floor and Nicky steps out of them. He returns the action by pushing Ben’s sweatpants off. He steps out of them. Nicky wraps his arms around Ben’s ass and picks him up. Ben’s legs instinctively go around Nicky’s waist as he carries him to the bedroom. Nicky gently deposits Ben onto the bed and then crawls between his spread legs. He grinds himself against Ben. “God, I want you,” Nicky moans out. “I want you too, so much,” Ben responds. Nicky goes back to his mouth and kisses him. Ben’s hands slide down Nicky’s back, to underneath his boxer briefs. Ben lightly squeezes. “Take them off?” Nicky nods. He kisses Ben’s neck while Ben slides the last piece of clothing off of him. Nicky’s kisses move from his neck, down Ben’s chest to his belly button. Nicky pulls his boxer briefs off and Ben’s cock springs out. “Condoms and lube?” Nicky asks. Ben reaches over to the bedside table and opens the drawer. He reaches in then hands the materials to Nicky. Nicky sets the condoms to the side. Nicky pours the lube in his hands, paying close attention to his fingers. Ben has flipped over on his stomach, one of his straight, the other bent at an angle. Nicky kisses his shoulder. “Tell me if I do something you don’t like,” he says. Ben nods. “I will. I trust you.” Nicky moves his hand down He rubs his middle finger over Ben’s hole a few times, then gently slides it in. “Hmmm,” Ben moans. “Okay?” Nicky asks. He pumps his finger in, then out. “Yes,” Ben gasps. “Keep going.” Nicky does as Ben asks and continues pumping one finger. He stops briefly and reaches for the lube to squeeze a little more over Ben and his fingers. Nicky adds a second finger and continues to work him open. “So good, Nicky, you’re so good.” Ben stays on his stomach while Nicky tears open the foil pouch of the condom. He pulls it out and then takes a deep breath before he slides it over his hard cock. He moves his body to cover Ben’s. “Is this position good?” Nicky asks. “I don’t want to squish you.” “It’s good, as long as you're comfortable,” Ben tells him. Nicky squeezes just a little more lube in his hand. He pumps a few times and then positions himself at Ben’s entrance. He feels Ben take a deep breath then uses his fingers to open him up a little to push in slowly. Ben lets out an audible gasp and Nicky starts to panic. “Are you okay? Did I hurt you? He asks. “No, Nikolai,” Ben pants. “It feels really good. Keep going.” Nicky follows his instructions and pushes in more, then pulls out, then pushes all the way in. “Fuck,” he groans. The feeling is euphoric, completely inside him Ben his body flush against him. He pulls out a little, then pushes back in. He’s trying not to be too forceful but he really wants to. “Harder, Nikolai,” Ben tells him. Nicky complies, pounding into him with a little more force. He snakes his arm around Ben’s waist to grab hold of him. He’s so hard and Nicky tries to match his motions with moving his hand over Ben’s cock. Nicky loses the rhythm though as his movements become more frantic. “Can I flip you over? I wanna see your face when you come,” Nicky asks. Ben moans. “Fuck, yes.” Nicky backs away for Ben to turn from his stomach to his back. If Nicky is being honest, this is much better. He doesn’t really even care if it feels different. He just really wants to see Ben. His lips meet Ben’s as he slowly pushes back into him. He rests himself on his forearms. Nicky touches his forehead to Ben’s for just a moment to let him adjust again. Then he sits up on his knees and pulls Ben with him. He starts thrusting. “You’re incredible, Nikolai,” Ben moans. “So good.” Well, fuck, that does it. “Fuck, I’m gonna come,” Nicky’s hips snap again Ben’s ass. “Are you close?” The coherent thoughts are leaving his brain because he can feel his muscles in his stomach and his legs tightening. He can feel his balls tightening. “I want you to come first.” Ben grabs hold of himself and starts to move his hand while Nicky’s eyes are locked on his. Nicky can see Ben is close, he can see the precum leaking from his slit. He moves his hand down to cup Ben’s balls and gives them a gentle squeeze. “Nicky,” Ben groans out and quickens his pace on his cock. Nicky watches him come in ribbons against his stomach and chest. Nicky speeds up his thrust again. He’s right there, so close, and Ben spreads his legs a little wider. That’s what sets him off. “Ben,” he moans out as he comes. Nicky stays steady for a second, trying to catch his breath and then slows out of Ben. He leans down nuzzles his nose against Ben’s nose. “Let me take care of the condom.” “Wanna take a shower together?” Ben asks. “You don’t even have to ask,” Nicky responds. *** “For someone who’s never done that before, you knew exactly what to do,” Ben says later as they’re laying in bed. They’ve both showered and cleaned up. “Oh my dads were very thorough in the sex education talk,” Nicky says, earning a chuckle from Ben. “For Maks and I both.” Nicky adds, “Complete with props,” He remembers the condoms, lube, dildos, and enema bulbs all laid out on the coffee table. Dad and Papa shared way too much about topping, bottoming, and versing. Then both attempted to explain sex with women. They wanted their sons to be prepared for ANYTHING. After they were finished and Dad walked off to the kitchen to start dinner, Papa said, “Don’t listen to your dad. Two times with a woman and both disasters.” Neither he nor Maks asked for elaboration on that. “I was a little jealous when Nat got to hear her sex ed talk from Oksana and Tetya Sveta.” Ben snuggles into his chest. “My dads didn’t use props but it was pretty mortifying. Especially when it came to women. They called my Dad’s best friend, Elena, and put her on speakerphone while she talked through the basics of pleasing a woman. It was really the most terrifying thing I’d heard up to that point in my life.” “I guess we should be grateful they tried,” Nicky says. He leans down and kisses Ben’s forehead. “Thank you for wearing my jersey tonight.” Ben lets out a little sigh. “I have a love-hate relationship with hockey,” he says.. “My Pops, it’s weird because everyone always talks about what a trailblazer he was in the game. First out gay hockey player. Kissed my dad right there on the ice.” Ben sniffs. “It’s a great story. My dads have always said that they owe a lot to Scott,” Nicky says. “It didn’t stop fans, other players, strangers even, from calling my dads names,” Ben tells him. “One time, when I was maybe 8, we were at the park and Pops was pushing Gracie on a swing. This guy came up to him, and, I didn’t hear everything he said, it looked at first like he was complimenting him. Then I heard him say that hockey was better before the queers got involved. The way my Pops completely deflated…” Nicky understands this better than Ben realizes. He remembers times when they would travel to away games with their dads, the things perfect strangers would say to them. Slurs hurled at Shane Hollander and Ilya Rozanov and their children. It didn’t matter that Scott Hunter, Shane, Ilya, Troy Barrett, they all brought in huge revenue for the MLH. It didn’t mean other team owners and even the commissioner himself respected them. “But I loved watching Pops play,” Ben says. He moves to sit up and brings a hand over to hold Nicky’s cheek. “And I like watching you play too. It’s like watching art, the way you move. The speed. And the way you know just where to be when you need to be there.” Nicky leans down to kiss him but Ben stops him. “Both your parents and mine hid for a very long time, Nicky. I won’t do that.” In the decades since Scott Hunter, Shane Hollander, Ilya Rozanov, and Troy Barrett, some changes have been made in the hockey world. But not enough. There were a few out players now but they were still the exception, not the norm, and their treatment depended on the team they played for. Ottawa was the most accepting, Toronto and Buffalo the least. The pulse of DC made Nicky believe they would be accepting. “I would never ask you to do that, Ben,” Nicky says. “I want to believe that my personal life is my personal life and no one else’s business.” “If you were some third line nobody, maybe. But you know that’s not the way it works for you, Nikolai Hollander-Rozanov. You are important in this sport because of who you are and because of how good you are,” Ben responds, accenting certain words with a finger to his chest. Nicky sighs. “My dads were great and their sexuality never changed how they played. Your dad was great. I am not ashamed of who I am. And I could never, ever ask you to hide.” “I’m just telling you because I know this is new for you,” Ben says. “Me, men. And I don’t want you to think I’ll be content to hide like a dirty secret.” Nicky answers him. “I don’t think it’s new. I’ve always been bisexual. I found men attractive, I just preferred sex with women. But that could also be because other men weren’t who I wanted or needed, Ben. You are.” Ben looks up at him with a softness but Nicky panics that maybe he’s moving faster than Ben wants. “Is that too much? Too fast?” He laughs then and hides his face in Nicky’s chest. “For most people, maybe. But we’ve known each other for most of our lives. We both kind of know what we’re getting into. My dads didn’t really know each other for too long when they became serious.” “I can’t say the same about mine,” Nicky says. He runs his fingers through Ben’s hair and kisses him. “So is it weird or too old-fashioned to ask if you’ll be my boyfriend?” Ben beams up at him. “I like old-fashioned. And I would expect nothing else from you, Nikolai Hollander-Rozanov.”

Chapter 4: No, I'm actually invested

Chapter Summary Nicky and Ben go on a date and make more plans for the future. Including remeeting the parents.

Chapter Notes

This chapter is mostly fluff. Ben and Nicky go on a date. Thank you all for reading! I appreciate every comment and kudos. See the end of the chapter for more notes No, I'm actually invested “Wait,” Ben stops him. “You’ve never been to the Jefferson Memorial?” They’re eating breakfast at the table in Nicky’s apartment and somehow they’ve gotten on the topic of tourists in DC. Ben mentions it’s going to get worse around the Jefferson Memorial when the cherry blossoms bloom. Nicky makes an offhand comment about how he’d never actually been to the memorial and didn’t know what he was talking about. This seemed to offend Ben and now Nicky looks a little taken aback at Ben’s reaction. “No, should I have?” “What about the Lincoln Memorial? Or the Washington Monument?” Ben seems very passionate about statues and buildings dedicated to dead Presidents and politicians. Nicky shakes his head in the negative. “How long have you lived here again?” “Six years,” Nicky answers. Ben looks genuinely shocked. “You’ve lived here for six years and you haven’t visited any of the memorials or monuments?” Nicky shrugs. “I’m Russian-Canadian. Maybe I don’t have the same affinity for American landmarks as you do?” He’d never seen a reason to visit, honestly. He would see why Americans would but he wasn’t American. There was no connection to the patriotism of memorials and monuments here in DC. “In Canada, it’s more about natural beauty than man- made monuments.” Ben is quiet for a minute. He puts his fork down. “Okay, that settles it,” Ben says. “You have a morning workout, right?” Nicky nods. “After that, you and I are going to do all the touristy things. I’m taking you to the Jefferson Memorial. We’re walking along the Potomac. It’s going to be the most American romantic afternoon.” Nicky smirks at Ben. “Like a date?” Nicky realizes they’re in a relationship, are having sex, but have yet to really go on an official date (the drinks after the hockey game notwithstanding). Ben smirks back. “Absolutely, like a date.” “What can I do to help?” Nicky asks. “You take care of lunch, I’ll take care of everything else,” Ben answers. *** If he’s being honest, dating is a new concept for Nicky. He’d maybe gone on a date twice, excluding the time he and Maks sat in the booth behind Nat and Ethan Barrett-Drover when they were on a date. Nicky had never wanted long-term before. He does now. With Ben. When morning skate ends and they go to the locker room, Nicky makes a targeted effort to find the guy on the team that’s been married the longest. It’s one of their goalies, Zucco. He’s about 40 and been married to his wife for at least 20 years. “Hey, Zuc,” Nicky says. He’s trying to be casual but he knows from experience (ie his brother) goalies have a weird sixth sense about things. Zucco narrows his eyes and looks at him. “Captain,” he says nonchalantly. “I’m assuming you need advice on something.” “Yeah, so I had a question. I have a date,” Nicky says. “I’m supposed to come up with a plan for lunch. But also like, how does one date?” Zucco is silent and puts his hands together. “You’ve come to the right place, young padawan.” “Star Wars reference?” Nicky asks. “Correct. Now,” Zucco starts. “It’s a nice day in March. Your best bet is a picnic. But listen, there’s this place, makes the best charcuterie boards. It’s called Cheesetique. That’s what you need.” “Charcuterie?” Nicky asks for clarification. Zucco nods. “It’s just fancy enough but also perfect for a picnic. Now, do you have a nice blanket? You need a nice blanket to spread out to sit on.” “Um, yeah, I’m sure I do,” Nicky tells him. Zucco doesn’t look convinced. “Plaid flannel. That’s what you need. Do you have that?” Nicky starts to answer but Zucco cuts him off. “Nevermind, I have one in my truck. You can borrow it. I have a picnic basket too.” “You have a picnic basket? Just in your car? Like you carry it around with you everywhere?” Nicky asks. “Well, yeah, I take my wife on a lot of romantic fucking picnics. We have seven fucking kids, sometimes we have to be spontaneous,” Zucco seems almost offended that Nicky would question him. “Flowers too. Get flowers.” “For the picnic or like when I pick him up?” Nicky doesn't immediately notice what he’s said until Zucco’s staring again. He just told his goalie he’s going on a date with a man, and not that he really cares, it’s just not exactly how or who he imagined telling first. “Um, I…” “Before, always take flowers when you pick your date up,” Zucco answers, without missing a beat. “Where else are you going?” “We’re doing touristy things. I’ve never been to any of the monuments and apparently that’s a travesty,” Nicky says. “We’re Canadian, eh? They don’t mean the same thing to us,” Zucco adds. “That’s what I said!” Nicky answers. Zucco laughs. “Hot chocolate too. Not the shitty water and packet stuff. Stop at a coffee shop and get the real stuff.” “Okay, anything else?” Nicky asks. Zucco smiles at him. “Yeah, have fun. Try to loosen up a little. You’re being way too serious about this.” “I don’t want to screw it up,” Nicky says. “You won’t,” Zucco claps him on the back. “You’re a good kid, Niko. Not as good as your brother…” “I get it, goalie brotherhood,” Nicky says. “Also, did you say you have seven fucking kids?” “I love my wife. My wife loves me,” Zucco shrugs. “This is why you should listen to me. Maybe someday you can have seven kids too.” Nicky stares at the old man. “Yeah, I don’t think that’s going to happen.” *** With the borrowed blanket and picnic basket, Nicky makes his stops on the way to Ben’s apartment. He took Zucco’s advice and picked up a charcuterie and cheese board. He also gets cheesecake. He stops at a coffee shop for hot chocolate, then grabs a bouquet of flowers at a florist down the street from Ben’s. He carries the flowers in the apartment but leaves the rest of the picnic supplies in the Jeep. “Hey,” Ben says from the bedroom when Nicky walks into the apartment. “How was practice?” “Good,” Nicky answers. He walks into the bedroom where Ben is to maybe the most domestic scene he’s ever seen. There’s a pile of laundry on the bed, a mix of clothes belonging to Nicky and Ben. Ben is diligently folding but looks up when Nicky’s in the doorway. God, does he looks adorable. He’s wearing a mossy green sweater and jeans but there’s something about him that just shines. “Everything okay?” Ben asks. “Why is it so hot that you’re doing our laundry?” Nicky responds. Ben lets out a laugh. “You think this is hot? Me folding your underwear?” Nicky walks towards him and gently puts the bouquet on the bed before wrapping his arms around Ben. He pulls him into him and kisses his forehead. Ben instantly hugs him. “It just… it feels like…it’s like home. And I haven’t felt that in a long time.” “I’m glad it feels that way, Nicky. Because I want you here for a long time,” Ben says. They stay that way for a few minutes. Just holding each other. Then Nicky tells him, “I brought you flowers.” Nicky reaches behind him to the bouquet on the bed. They’re giant sunflowers that reminded him of Ben. They reminded him of the way Ben feels so bright and warm. “Thank you,” Ben smiles. “They’re beautiful. I don’t think anyone has ever gotten me flowers before.” Nicky knows he’s blushing. “I hope that’s okay. I was advised to bring flowers.” “Oh it’s definitely okay,” Ben pecks his lips. “And who gave you this advice?” “Our ancient goalie, Emmett Zucco,” Nicky tells him. “I haven’t been on many dates and I needed a little help.” “Well, I appreciate the old man’s help and I hope you’ll introduce us someday,” Ben’s looking at him hopefully. “Definitely,” Nicky says. “I would love for you to meet him. And all my teammates.” Ben gives him a quick kiss. “Families first, then friends and teammates.” This is the agreement they made. Ben really wants to tell his dads before he tells anyone else. And Nicky does too, he wants to tell them in person because he’s not entirely sure how his Papa will react. “Are you worried about what your dads will say?” Nicky asks him. “Because it’s me? The son of Ilya Rozanov?” Ben takes a breath. “No, Nicky. I think Pops will be shocked at first but he’ll get over it when he sees how important you are to me and how much I care about you.” Ben kisses him again. “I’m more worried about what Ilya Rozanov will say when you tell him you’re with Scott Hunter’s son.” He seems to shrink a little and lowers his head. Ben always seems to confident to Nicky but this is clearly something he isn’t confident about. “He was always nice to me as a kid.” “Hey,” Nicky puts his fingers under his chin and lifts his face to look at him. “Our dads might have a complicated relationship but that’s not on us. My Papa loves his kids. He will love you too.” *** They drive to a lot to park the Jeep and then set up their picnic along the tidal basin, near a bare tree that Ben tells him is called the indicator tree. There’s a little foot traffic in the area but most people seem to be keeping to themselves. The view is breathtaking with no blossoms and Nicky can only imagine what it looks like when everything is in bloom. They’ve finished their charcuterie and cheesecake. Now they’re leaning back a little on the blanket, sipping hot chocolate and taking in the view. “The pointy thing over there is called the Washington Monument,” Ben says sarcastically pointing across the basin. “You don’t say?” Nicky jokes. “Just making sure you get the full experience,” Ben adds. Nicky’s wearing his Potomac Pride shirt with a Henley under it and a puffer jacket. He scoots closer to Ben and puts his arm around him. “It is beautiful,” Nicky tells him. “I guess I never really took time to appreciate it.” He leans over and kisses Ben’s hair, taking in his scent. He has a very distinct cedar and citrus scent that calms Nicky. “I could stay here with you forever,” Nicky whispers to him. “Me too,” Ben leans into him more. *** “You know, this memorial is one of my favorites,” Ben tells him. Nicky stares up at the larger than life version of Thomas Jefferson. “When I was in 5th Grade, we took a family vacation here for Spring Break. I loved the way the structure reflected off the water. And all the cherry blossoms were blooming and it felt so magical.” Ben blushes. “Sorry, that probably sounds silly.” Nicky lifts Ben’s chin to look in his eyes. “Not at all. I feel the same way when I’m at the cottage and the water’s frozen and everything is covered in snow. It all glistens. It’s magical.” He leans down and gives his lips a quick peck. “That trip was also when I decided I wanted to be an architect,” Ben explains. “We saw all these amazing buildings and monuments, and I told myself that one day, I would design something like that, something that would be around forever.” Ben walks a little around the base of the Jefferson statute. “Maybe I can design a Shane Hollander/Ilya Rozanov statue for the City of Ottawa one day,” Ben laughs. “I’m betting Ilya would love that!” “Actually,” Nicky puts his hand out to grab Ben’s. He intertwines their fingers. “I would love that too. But also, Papa would because it would be a huge ‘fuck you’ to have Scott Hunter’s son design Ilya Rozanov’s monument.” Ben gets serious then. “Is there a particular reason Ilya hates Pops so much?” “I don’t think he really hates him. Papa just loves getting under people’s skin but…” He cuts himself off and then decides against it. He wants to share this with Ben, he wants to share everything with Ben. “So your dad, he’s a little responsible for my dads being together.” “What?” Ben stops walking and looks up at him. “I mean, most people know that my dads were involved for quite awhile before they were outed,” Nicky says. The things he’s about to say, most people outside of the family have never heard. And honestly, there are parts of it he wishes he didn’t know. But his dads, both of them, were always very open and transparent with their children about their relationship. Nicky thinks it’s mostly because they wanted them to understand the struggle but also to know there was light at the end of the tunnel. “But when sex turned into feelings, they both kind of freaked out. I don’t think either of them were in a good headspace for a while. Dad dated Rose Landry, then they broke up and things shifted between my dads. My grandfather in Russia died and Papa leaned on Dad. Then Dad got hurt.” “I remember Pops talking about that, about when your Dad got hurt, that after that Montreal floundered in the playoffs.” “Right,” Nicky says. “But when Dad got hurt, it scared Papa. He realized he was feeling something more. He says he spent the whole night that dad was injured thinking about how he was going to break this off. But then he saw him in the hospital. Dad asked him to come to the cottage for the summer. Which was kind of a big deal. Papa told him maybe, which in Ilya Rozanov language means, probably not. Then New York won the Cup and Scott Hunter kissed Kip Grady on the ice. And Ilya Rozanov went to the cottage.” “That’s actually really sweet,” Ben says. Nicky nods. “Your Pops gave my Papa hope. Of course, it still took years for them to come out but that kiss on the ice changed something for my Papa.” Ben puts his hand on Nicky’s cheek and Nicky leans into it. “So I should thank my Pops then?” “Yes, but don’t tell him it’s from Ilya Rozanov,” Nicky answers. They walk a little further along the tidal basin. “This is the other thing I wanted to show you,” Ben says. It’s a stone statute settled in the trees. “It’s a Japanese pagoda. It was a gift to DC from Yokohama, Japan. It’s been here since the 50s. I thought you might be interested in it. I know your grandmother’s family is Japanese.” Nicky looks at the statue for a second. It’s not anything architecturally awe inspiring. It’s not columns and marble. But it’s a part of him, of his family, that doesn’t often get recognized. And he can’t help the emotion that it makes him feel. He pulls Ben in to kiss him. When he pulls away he wipes at his eyes. He shouldn’t be this emotional about something like a statue but it’s the sentiment behind it that gets him. “I look so much like Ilya Rozanov that people forget I’m Shane Hollander’s son too. That my family is Japanese, as well as Canadian and Russian. Thank you for remembering that.” “Your grandparents were always so funny. Your grandmother is a boss,” Ben laughs. “Nana, that’s what we call her,” Nicky said. “I always laughed because she loved your dad, but man, the way the fawned over Ilya was amazing,” Ben said. Nicky laughs out loud at that because it’s so true. Nana loves his Papa so much. “I think they knew he didn’t get a lot of love after his mother died.” “Until he met your dad?” Ben asks. “Even then, it was a while before they mentioned love. But affection, other than Tetya Sveta, probably not. I think that’s why my dads were always willing to hug us or hold us when we needed it,” Nicky tells him. “I love that about your family, Nicky. It’s the same as mine. We never had to doubt how loved we are. Our dads did a great job telling us. I want that for my kids too,” Ben says. Nicky smiles at Ben and squeezes his hand. “Me too.” *** They walk a little further along the tidal basin past a few statues until Nicky hears water flowing. Ben points to the statue of a woman and tells him, “That’s Eleanor Roosevelt.” Nicky pulls his phone out. “Do you mind if I take a picture to send to Nat? For her friend, Ella?” “Not at all. That’s Troy Barrett’s kid, right?” Ben asks. “Yeah. She and Nat are roommates at McGill. Her twin is Ethan. He actually lives here in DC. He’s going to school at Gallaudet,” Nicky explains. “He’s also Nat’s boyfriend but she thinks we don’t know that.” Nicky snaps the picture and sends it to Nat quickly with a text that tells her he’s being a tourist and thought she might show the statue to Ella. He slips his phone back in his pocket and reaches for Ben’s hand again. There are quite a few people in the plaza where they are. Then Ben pulls him towards a larger statue. “I thought you might like this one too. It’s FDR and Fala,” he says. “Holy shit! Is that a dog? Is that like a statue of a dog?” Nicky’s eyes are wide as he looks at the monument. It’s three parts: words, a statue of a man sitting down, and then, off to the side, a statue of a dog. “It is a dog,” Ben chuckles at his expression. Nicky turns and looks at his boyfriend before, very seriously saying, “I love dogs, Ben.” “I know, I remember your family always had dogs,” Ben says. “I was jealous. Dad and Pops were a no-go for pets.” “Papa is a dog person. And he could always talk Dad into getting another dog. The one they have now is named Babushka and I swear she’s as big as a horse. I would love to have a dog someday,” Nicky tells him “Well, that brings up my next order of business. I wanted to ask you about making a change in the designs for the laundry area at the house,” Ben rubs the back of his neck and a pink climbs up his cheeks. Nicky’s intrigued. “What did you have in mind?” “We could build a little dog area. We could do a dog wash station, a built-in kennel, and a feeding station. Then, when you get a dog, it’s all ready,” Ben explains. “Do you like dogs?” Nicky asks. Because, no matter how long they’ve been together, Nicky already knows that Ben is it. He plans to build a life, a home with him. Ben smiles at him. “I like dogs. And kids.” Nicky smiles back. “Me too.” *** “I hope this is okay for dinner,” Ben says. “I looked up the best chicken Parmesan in DC and this place came up.Then I texted the receptionist from work just to double check.” There’s a brief moment where Nicky wants to suggest they skip dinner and go home to have sex all night. Because he loves this man. Because he remembers the tiniest details. He remembers the things that other people wouldn’t even find important. “Chicken Parmesan is kind of your family’s tradition, right?” Ben looks less confident now. “I thought you might—“ Nicky doesn’t let him finish. He does the only thing his brain can think to do. He kisses his sweet boyfriend with as much love and affection as one can put into a kiss. “I don’t know how I got so lucky to find you again, Ben. But you are incredible. And I hope I never let you forget that,” Nicky says. Ben’s eyes are watery as he smiles at him. “I’ve never had anyone say anything like that to me, Nicky. You make me feel so special.” “I hope so. Because you are so very special,” Nicky runs his thumbs under Ben’s eyes as the tears fall. “When we play Ottawa, will you come? We can talk to my dads and then we’ll go to New York and talk to your dads. Because when the house is finished, I want you there with me. Everyday.” Ben stands tall and kisses him. “Time to remeet the parents.”

Chapter End Notes

Some of our favorites show up in the next chapter!

Chapter 5: Too soon to tell you I love you…

Chapter Summary An unexpected family remeet…

Chapter Notes

Hi everyone! I wanted to post this before AO3 takes a break tomorrow. I hope you all enjoy it! I appreciate every comment and kudos! Too soon to tell you "I love you” Nicky returns home from a string of road games. Tampa, North Carolina, Detroit. Then home for three days before heading back on the road to Toronto, Ottawa, and Montreal. He’d never had anyone to come home to like this before. It was always just going home to an empty apartment. But Ben’s there to pick him up when he gets off the plane. Nicky puts his bag in the backseat and then leans over the console to kiss him. “I’m glad you’re home,” Ben says. “Me too,” Nicky runs his thumb along his jawline. “My place or yours?” Ben asks. “Your place,” Nicky answers. “It’s closer.” He smirks. *** “Oh fuck,” Nicky groans. He’s sitting up in Ben’s bed, back against the wooden headboard, with Ben in his lap. Ben’s hand is wrapped around both of them and he’s pumping up and down. “Does it feel good?” Ben asks. Nicky pulls his head down to kiss him. “Yes, god, yes,” Nicky moans. This is a new experience. They’ve not done this before but the way their dicks are pressed against each other combined with the friction of Ben’s hand, it’s better than any handjob Nicky’s ever had before. The only downside is that Nicky knows he’s not going to last long. He wants to hold on long enough for Ben to get close. Nicky moves his lips to kiss Ben’s neck and sucks lightly. That always seems to push him a little. “Fuck, I’m gonna come, Nikolai,” Ben moans out. Nicky loves that Ben calls him Nikolai in bed. He doesn’t know why but it’s such a turn on. “Just like that, Ben,” Nicky tells him. Ben gasps and the leak at his tip comes out harder and faster. Nicky watches it. It’s hypnotizing and pushes him over the edge. He comes onto Ben’s hand. It’s a mess but there’s something about it that is so hot to Nicky. “I missed you so much, Nicky,” Ben says. “I missed you too. Phone sex and FaceTime aren’t the same as getting to hold you,” Nicky leans forward and kisses him. Ben slowly deepens the kiss. Before gently pulling away. “I want to continue this but the cum on my hand is kind of…” Ben laughs and then gets off the bed. He walks to the bathroom and comes back with a rag to clean himself and Nicky. The rag goes in the hamper and then he comes back to the bed. Nicky slides down a little and Ben curls himself into Nicky’s side. “No clothes tonight. We sleep naked,” Ben almost giggles. “You won’t get an argument from me,” Nicky says. Ben lays his head on Nicky’s chest. They’re quiet and Nicky breathes in Ben’s scent. “The house is coming along. Are you sure you don’t want to see it until it’s finished?” Ben asks. Nicky told Ben early on that he trusted him and his decisions. He wanted the end result to be a surprise. “I know it’ll be amazing, Ben,” Nicky tells him. *** Just after midnight, Ben’s phone rings. Neither of them is asleep. They’re snuggled together under the blankets. “Hey, Pops,” Ben says. He sits up slowly. “Everything okay?” Nicky’s laying on his stomach, his arms crossed across his pillow, looking up at Ben. He can’t hear what’s being said but he’s watching Ben’s face as it becomes tense. “When?” Nicky sees tears starting to form in Ben’s eyes. He instantly sits up on his knees. He reaches out a hand and Ben takes it. “Um, okay, I can pack a bag and catch the next train.” His tears are falling now. Nicky moves closer and opens his arms. Ben keeps his phone to his ear but lets himself be held by Nicky. “Okay, I’ll wait until the morning. I have to talk to work and…” Ben lets out a sob. Nicky holds him tighter. “Will you tell dad I’ll be there as soon as I can? I love you guys too. I know.” Ben moves the phone and ends the call. “Ben,” Nicky says. “My grandfather had a stroke this evening. He just…he’s the best grandpa. He loves my dad so much. And he loved me even when I didn’t know how to love myself. I can’t believe…” Ben doesn’t finish. Nicky holds him in his arms and rocks slightly. “Is he going to be okay?” Nicky softly asks. “I think so. But I want to go to New York tomorrow. I need to go to New York. Pops said Dad is pretty upset and I want to be there for him.” “I’m sorry, Ben,” Nicky says. He holds Ben’s head to his chest and places a kiss in his hair. “Do you want me to come with you?” He’s terrified that Ben will say no and maybe a little terrified he’ll say yes too. Because as scared as he is for his dads to know about them, he’s even more terrified of Scott Hunter. “Would you?” Ben asks. “Please?” “Yeah, I’ll go with you. We can fly to New York in the morning. I can stay for the day and then fly to Toronto.” “I’m sorry, that’s a lot of travel,” Ben sniffles. Nicky shakes his head. “Hey, don’t be. You are important to me, moye solnyshko.” “What does that mean?” Ben asks. Nicky rests his hand on the side of Ben’s face. “My sunshine. I know it’s corny but, you just, you make everything brighter. You shine.” *** They take an early flight out of DC to New York. Nicky’s packed for his road trips, which includes the hyped up Ottawa game. The plan is still for Ben to come to Ottawa. He’ll just fly out of New York instead of DC. Nicky orders them an Uber while Ben picks up coffee from the airport Starbucks. It’s still early, before 8 am. Ben uses his key to unlock the front door of the penthouse and pushes it open. “It’s me, I’m home,” he calls out as he walks into the apartment. Nicky follows him in, carrying their luggage. He sees Kip come from around the corner and Ben meets him half-way. “Hi, Dad,” Ben wraps his arms around Kip and pulls him into a hug. “Hey, Benny,” Kip says. “I’m so glad you’re here.” They stand there for a moment, Nicky awkwardly waiting while Kip squeezes his son tight. Seeing Kip and Ben together just reiterates how much Ben is his father’s son. They look so much alike with their gentle curls and stubble beards. “How’s he doing?” Ben asks. “He’s okay. He’s having some trouble with his speech and a little weakness on his left side. He’ll have to go to a rehab center for a while to build up his strength,” Kip answers. Nicky sees him tear up. “It just really scared me.” “Me too,” Ben says. Scott Hunter comes from the kitchen area then and hugs Ben. It takes about half a second into the hug before Scott notices him. “Why is Nikolai Hollander-Rozanov standing in my entryway?” His tone isn’t exactly welcoming but Nicky shakes it off. He approaches him and puts his hand out to shake. “Hello, Mr. Hunter.” Scott releases Ben and shakes his hand but his eyes look confused as they move between Ben and him. “I’m sorry, what’s happening right now?” “Scott,” Kip says. There’s a warning there. It’s the same one he hears when his dad says ‘Ilya’. “Ben and I are together,” Nicky decides to just get it out there, rip it off like a bandaid. “Together? Together like how? Like you shared an Uber together?” Scott asks. Nicky wants to laugh because if his Papa were here, he would have a hundred jokes about Scott Hunter's hearing and/or sanity due to his old age. “He’s my boyfriend, Pops,” Ben says. Scott Hunter looks back at Nicky. “I’m sorry, your what?” Scott asks, shaking his head. “My boyfriend,” Ben repeats himself. “Your boyfriend? Since when?” There’s a scoff in his voice that makes Nicky a little uncomfortable. “Since a bit,” Ben answers. Nicky’s not entirely sure how much he’s supposed to contribute to this conversation. Scott doesn’t look angry. He mostly just seems confused. Scott’s looking at Nicky again. “I didn’t even know…you’re gay?” “Bisexual,” Nicky clarifies. Scott scoffs again. “God, you sound just like Rozanov.” He runs his hands through his thinning hair. “Is this the hockey client you were complaining about?” “To be fair, he complained once, Scott, and it had nothing to do with Nicky. Just the assumption that he was given a client because of the connection to hockey,” Kip explains. “Do Shane and Ilya know?” Scott blurts out before saying, “Of course they don’t. Rozanov would never let me rest if he knew.” Nicky takes a deep breath. “No, they don’t know. It’s important to me to tell them in person. Because this is…Ben, he’s a…” Nicky looks at Ben. He feels the panic starting to set in. But he takes a deep breath. He says the first thing he can think to say. And it’s in Russian. “YA lyublyu yego.” He looks down. “I’m sorry, I…” Ben leaves his dads’ sides and walks towards Nicky. Ben opens his arms and Nicky falls into them. He wraps himself around Ben. It feels like Nicky needs an anchor, something to let him hold fast but it’s also what Ben needs because he’s holding him just as tightly as Nicky’s holding him. He touches his forehead to Ben’s. “YA tebya lyublyu,” Nicky says softly. “What does that mean?” Ben asks. “I love you,” Nicky replies. He doesn’t think about whether he should say it or not. He just needs Ben to know it. Ben pulls back then to look in Nicky’s eyes. “I’m sorry, I know now’s probably not the best time to—“ Ben cuts him off. “I love you too, Nikolai.” “Yeah?” Nicky asks. “Yeah,” Ben replies. “I’m not going to ever be able to say it in Russian though, I’m afraid.” Nicky kisses him again. “I’ll teach you.” “I love you, Nikolai,” Ben says so softly. “I love you too, Ben. So so much,” Nicky says back. It seems like they both forget that they’re actually in a room with Ben’s dads. Until they hear, “Oh my god, Scott,” Kip whispers. He’s holding on to Scott's arm and Nicky sees tears in his eyes. “Our baby boy…” “With Ilya Rozanov’s son,” Scott groans, shaking his head again. “Scott,” Kip warns again. “Remember who came to Scott Hunter Night at the gay bar in Vegas?” Scott shakes his head. “Yes, you do. And who’s been to The Kingfisher every time he’s in town?” “I’m not saying it, Kip.” Scott’s forehead is scrunched into a frown. Maybe he is getting old, Nicky thinks to himself. “And who invited our entire family to stay at their cottage and work their summer camps?” Kip asks. Scott keeps shaking his head. “He always makes jokes about me being old when he’s really only a few years younger than me!” “Scott,” Kip says again. “I’m not old now! I wasn’t old when he said I was old the first time!” Scott groans. Kip pinches the bridge of his nose. “You’re not old but it’s also not Nicky’s fault that you have a beef with Ilya Rozanov,” he says, raising his eyebrows. Scott is quiet for a second. “Fuck. You know this means that we’re going to be spending holidays with Rozanov now? He’ll probably make me dress up as Santa Claus because I’m ’so old’.” “Okay, I think we’re going to let your Pops process this a little longer. Why don’t you take Nicky to your room so you guys can put your luggage away? We can go see Gramps when you’re ready,” Kip says. Ben takes Nicky’s hand and pulls him towards the hallway. “I’m really glad you’re here, Nicky!” Nicky is mesmerized by Ben’s childhood bedroom. It’s a dark forest green color. There are framed sketches hanging over his full-size bed. “Sorry, I know it’s smaller than we’re used to,” Ben says as he reaches for Nicky’s suitcase. “It’s great, moye solnyshko,” he says. “The flannel reminds me of the blanket Zucco leant me for our picnic.” Ben smiles. “Yeah, it does, doesn’t it?” Nicky takes a seat on the bed and Ben plops down next to him. “I’m sorry about Pops.” Nicky shakes his head. “You don’t have to apologize. We knew there would probably be some pushback. It doesn’t change anything about how I feel about you, Ben.” Ben swallows hard. “Ilya’s not going to be happy, is he?” He’s looking off like he half expects Nicky to run away. “If my Pops reacted like that, I feel like Ilya Rozanov is going to have an aneurysm when he finds out. Oh, God, what if he tells you to break up with me?” Nicky puts his hand out palm up and Ben takes it. “He wouldn’t. Ever.” Nicky grins then. “Plus, if he finds out how Scott Hunter reacted, he’ll do the opposite.” *** Hospitals don’t really bother Nicky too much. He’s spent time doing visits in DC from Walter Reed to Children’s National Hospital with the Defenders. His dads would sometimes take Nicky and his siblings to hospital visits with them as kids. But Ben seems very nervous. Nicky reaches for his hand and intertwines their fingers as they walk through the sliding doors of the hospital. “Thank you,” Ben whispers. “I got you,” Nicky says back. “I love you.” “I love you too,” Ben says. They walk to the elevator together, still hand in hand. Ben’s grandfather is on the 11th floor so there’s a lot of stopping along the way. The elevator stops at the 7th floor and a younger man in scrubs gets on. He glances at them, then does a double take. “Holy shit! You’re Nikolai Hollander-Rozanov, aren’t you?” He asks. Nicky feels Ben start to tug his hand away but Nicky doesn’t let him. He holds it firmly. “I am,” Nicky responds. “You’re my boyfriend’s favorite player,” the man says. “Could I get a picture with you? I’m Collin, by the way. I’m a nurse in pediatrics.” “Sure,” Nicky says. “Thank you for your work as a nurse.” “Oh, um, thank you, for thanking me,” Collin says. “You’re welcome,” Nicky laughs. “I didn’t realize you were one of us,” Collin says, nodding at his and Ben’s joined hands. “I mean, a part of the community.” Nicky nods. “Yeah, this is my boyfriend, Ben.” Collin reaches out his hand to shake Ben’s hand. “Nice to meet you,” Collin says. “You too,” Ben says with a smile. “I’ll take a picture of the two of you.” Collin stands next to Nicky and Ben holds the phone up to snap a few pictures. Then the elevator dings as it arrives at the 10th floor. “This is me,” Collin says. He starts to get off but stops in the doorway. “I just wanted to tell you that I think it’s really cool that kids today have athletes like you to look up to. It’s so important for queer kids to see themselves represented. So thank you for that.” Nicky nods as the elevator doors close and Collin disappears. “That’s the first time I’ve ever been introduced as someone’s boyfriend,” Ben says with a hint of a smile on his lips. He’s blushing a little and Nicky can’t help it when he pulls him into his side and leans down to kiss him. There’s something about what Collin said though that sticks with Nicky about representation mattering. Maybe Ben was right, maybe it’s important that more people know about that side of his personal life. *** “Hey, Gramps,” Ben leans down and hugs his grandfather. Nicky’s never met George Grady before. He’ s heard a lot of stories from his dads and Ben, but this is the first time he’s seen him. Nicky can tell this must be where Ben and Kip get their gentle spirit from. “Hey, kiddo,” George says. It sounds a little slurred but Nicky isn’t sure what he sounded like before making it hard for him to just the severity. He hugs Ben and then looks up to see Nicky standing there. “I know this guy. Pain in the Admirals’ asses.” “This is my boyfriend, Nicky, Gramps,” Ben says. “It’s nice to meet you, sir,” Nicky says. “Ben has told me so many great things about you.” George points to a bouquet of lilies in the corner of the room. “Nice to meet you, Nicky. Your dads sent me flowers,” he says. “My dads? Ilya and Shane?” Nicky asks, a little shocked. “Go read the card. I was a little surprised when they arrived. Guess they heard about it through some retired hockey players group chat.” Nicky looks at the card. Sending healing wishes your way. -Ilya & Shane Hollander- Rozanov. “They’re nice guys,” George adds. “You have a lot of flowers,” Ben observes. “That bouquet over there,” George says as he points to a bunch of orange roses. “That one’s from Eric Bennett. There’s a few from other players too. Your Uncle Carter sent me a box of chocolates that I have to hide from the nurses.” “That’s awesome,” Ben tells him. He takes a seat in the empty chair next to the bed. “How are you feeling?” “Old,” George laughs. “But okay. The food is terrible but the people are nice. Nurses take good care of me.” “That’s good,” Ben says. Nicky is standing behind him with his hands on Ben’s shoulders. Nicky feels his shoulders start to shake. “Hey, bud, I’m fine,” George says and Nicky knows that Ben is crying. “You scared me, Gramps,” Ben sobs out. Nicky comes around to put his arm around Ben who leans into him. “Well, I’m not going anywhere yet. I’ve got a lot of things left to see in my life before it’s up,” George reaches out to hold Ben’s hand. “I have to be here to remind Scott not to be too hard on your guy.” Nicky and Ben both snicker. *** “I’m cooking dinner,” Kip says. “Do you have any dietary restrictions, Nicky? I know some athletes are pretty strict about what they eat.” “No, sir,” Nicky answers. Kip laughs. “Okay, well, you’re definitely not going to call me sir. I’m Kip. I’ve known you since you were a baby, you’re not calling me sir.” “Okay,” Nicky says with a smile. “Benny, Pops is in the bedroom. Could you go ask him if he wants chicken or salmon for dinner?” Kip gives Ben a look that says he really just needs Ben to leave. Ben sighs. “Please be nice,” he adds as he walks off. “I wanted to tell you thank you for going to visit my dad today and for being there with Ben,” Kip says. He’s rinsing green beans in the sink but turns off the water and leans against the counter. “And I’m sorry for how Scott reacted when you guys shared your news.” Nicky swallows and then bites his bottom lip. “I know it was probably surprising.” “Oh, not for me,” Kip responds. “I knew the moment Ben told me he was going to be working with you that both of your lives were going to change. I assumed you might become friends, but then, every time Ben called, he sounded so much happier. Like there was a connection. Then he told me that he was going to the Admirals game and wanted to know if it was too much to wear your jersey, to which I told him no.” Nicky didn’t want to tell Kip what seeing Ben in his jersey did to him. “He also started talking hockey with Scott too. He hadn’t done that since he was little,” Kip adds. “It became important again because hockey is important to you.” “I know that you know Scott and I’s story. You know your dads’ story. Scott may say that he’s upset because of Ilya but I think what he’s really worried about is that hockey hasn’t changed enough. That our son will be what I was to Scott or what your dads were to each other,” Kip tells him sincerely. Nicky shakes his head. “No. I would never do that.” “I know that,” Kip says. “But Scott doesn’t. He needs to know that Benjamin won’t be crying in the stands by himself when you win the Cup. He needs to know that our boy will have sunshine.” Nicky thinks about this as Ben comes back into the room. “He said chicken,” Ben says. “Do you need help?” Kip hands him a pot and a container of couscous and Ben starts to work. Scott comes back into the room and turns on the television. “Montreal’s playing,” he announces. “Go watch, we got this,” Kip shoos him to the living area. Scott’s standing with his arms crossed, one eyebrow raised as he watches the game. Nicky sits down on the couch in time to watch a Columbus player rocket a puck towards Maks. “Nice save,” Scott mumbles. “Your brother’s good. It’s still crazy to me that Shane and Ilya let their son be a goalie.” Nicky’s trying to think of a clever remark, some kind of defense for his dads. Instead he blurts out, “I call Ben moye solnyshko. It means ‘my sunshine.’ Because he makes everything in my life brighter.” Scott looks at him then. “I love him, very much. And I would never do anything to keep him from shining.” Nicky rubs his palms on his thighs. “He will never be a secret and I will never hide him. It may not be a kiss on the ice but…” Scott lets out a loud sigh. “It’s a start,” he says as he sits down next to Nicky on the couch. “When are you telling your dads?” “I play in Ottawa the day after next. I’m going to tell them then,” Nicky says. “Fucking Rozanov will probably send me black roses,” Scott groans dramatically. “Maybe I’ll do it first just fuck with him.” “Please don’t,” Nicky runs his hands over his face. “Actually, could you tell me more about this Scott Hunter Night at the gay bar?” Scott slaps his back. “Don’t push your luck, kid.” *** There’s something fun about laying with Ben in his childhood bedroom. There’s still photos of him and different family members. There’s pictures of him at high school graduation. Then, Nicky spots a framed photo of a teenage Ben with Ilya Rozanov and Shane Hollander. Ben’s in the middle, Ilya on one side, Shane on the other. It had to be from a time his dads had come to New York for a camp. Ben’s older in the picture than the last time Nicky remembers seeing him in Ottawa or at the cottage. “Wait, you have a picture with my dads in your childhood bedroom?” Nicky asks. Ben blushes and hides his face in his hands. “I think I was hoping you wouldn’t find that.” Nicky gives him a smirk. “How old are you here?” “Sixteen,” Ben responds. He takes the photo from Nicky’s hands. “If I tell you something, do you promise not to laugh?” Nicky raises an eyebrow. “I guess.” “I had a huge crush on your dad,” Ben squeaks out, then looks down. “My dad thought it was funny so he took this picture of us to torment me for the rest of my life.” Nicky is trying. He really is. He knows he shouldn’t laugh but the cackle just comes out. “My dad? Shane?” Ben’s face is bright red as he looks away. “You said you wouldn’t laugh!” He adds, even though he himself is starting to laugh. Nicky moves to get closer to him. “Well, I hate to disappoint you but I don’t look anything like my dad,” he says as he wraps his arms around Ben’s waist. Ben looks up at him then. “I’ve never been disappointed with you, Nicky.” Nicky leans down and kisses him. “Thank you for that,” he murmurs against Ben’s lips. He feels Ben put the picture on his desk next to the bed and then wrap his arms around Nicky’s neck. Just as Ben starts to deepen the kiss, the phone in Nicky’s back pocket rings. He lets it ring then remembers. “Oh, shit. It’s Tuesday and I forgot to tell them.” “Answer it,” Ben says. Since Maks was drafted, the Hollander-Rozanov children have had a tradition of Tuesday night FaceTime call. It’s a chance to get caught up on each other’s lives without their dads standing over their shoulders. Ben’s been present for every call but he’s never made his presence known. But Nicky wants him to. “Can I tell them?” Nicky asks. “About us? I want to tell my dads in person but my brother and sisters, I want them to know now. To know you, like this.” “Of course,” Ben smiles. “Now answer before they hang up.” Nicky slides his finger across the screen as he and Ben plop down on Ben’s bed. Maks’s face is the first to pop up. “Hey,” Maks says. His hair is wet and he looks like he just got out of the shower. He’s shirtless and his chest and arms are riddled with bruises in various states of healing. There’s a particularly nasty one on his left forearm. It reminds Nicky why he’s glad he’s not a goalie. But aside from the bruises, his brother also looks exhausted. “Rough day?” Nicky asks him. “Kinda,” Maks says with a shrug. He slides an Oracles t-shirt on. “I kind of got into it with the new guy, Burke. He’s a homophobic asshole and I called him on it. The best part is exactly two of my teammates supported me. The rest said nothing. Which to me is just as bad as if they had supported him because they’re too chicken shit to do what’s right. I fucking hate this place, Nicky.” Nicky hears the watery tenor to his brother’s voice. Maks is probably the biggest ally anyone in the LGBTQ+ community could ask for. That’s what happens when you’re not only raised by Ilya Rozanov and Shane Hollander but also Wyatt Hayes, who was one of the biggest supporters his dads had. Maks switches to Russian then. He does this when he’s particularly angry or upset. “Etot paren' tochno znal, kto ya. On posmotrel mne pryamo v glaza i ispol'zoval otvratitel'noye oskorbleniye.” The kid knew exactly who I was. Looked me straight in the eyes and used a fucking slur. “How many years since Scott Hunter? Since Dad and Papa? And Troy? And Luca? It’s like they’ve learned nothing!” Nicky can feel Ben tense next to him. This is what Ben was worried about. That Nicky wouldn’t fight for them. He slides his empty hand over to grip Ben’s hand in his. “I’m sorry, Maks,” Nicky says. Maks sighs and scrubs his face with his empty hand. “It’s okay. It just fucking pisses me off. YA luchshe broshu khokkey, chem ostanus' yeshche na odin sezon v Monreale.” I would rather quit hockey than stay another season in Montreal. “It won’t come to that. Talk to your agent,” Nicky tells him. “Da, I will,” Maks says. Then he squints his eyes. “Where are you, anyway? Doesn’t look familiar.” But before Nicky can respond, their phones beep. Natalia. “Hello, brothers!” Natalia says as she appears on the screen. It’s almost impossible to believe their little sister is finishing college with a degree in communications at McGill. She wants to be a sports analyst or to work somewhere in the communications department for the Centaurs or Oracles. She has an ease of talking to people that he thinks she gets from her time spent with Harris Drover. Maybe from Papa too. Definitely from Nana Yuna. Her brown eyes shine and she smiles before taking a sip of what looks like a matcha latte. Her dark black hair is slung over her shoulder in a braid. “Hey, Nat,” Maks says. Nicky can tell he’s still a little rattled. He watches Maks ease into a chair in his living room. “Nothing from you, Nicky?” Natalia smirks. “Oh, by the way, Oksana can’t join us. Tati said she’s ‘not feeling well’ which I think means she’s pregnant but nobody asked me.” He and Maks both laugh. “Irina’s almost 9. I’m surprised they waited this long to try again,” Maks adds. “True, true,” Nat says. “But I have our honorary sister here. Say hi, Ella.” Nat moves her phone to show Eleanore Barrett-Drover sitting crosslegged on the bed across from her. Eleanore’s blonde hair is in an identical braid to Nat’s but the ends of her hair look like they’ve been dipped in hot pink. “Hello, Hollander-Rozanovs!” Ella waves. “Thank you for the Eleanor Roosevelt picture, Nicky!” “She’ll be joining this weekly meeting of the Hollanovs,” Nat winks. “Any new business for the agenda?” Nicky squeezes Ben’s hand. “Yeah, can I go first?” His siblings don’t say anything, just nod. “If you could please keep what I’m about to tell you to yourselves. I want to talk to the dads in person but I want to tell you guys now.” “Ooh! This sounds juicy, Nikolai!” Natalia practically squirms in her seat. He doesn’t need confirmation from Maks because he knows Maks is like a vault. Nicky clears his throat, then swallows hard. He feels Ben’s hand in his and turns to look at him. Ben’s eyes are soft and he pulls their hands up to kiss his knuckles. Nicky looks back at the phone. “So I have a boyfriend,” he blurts out. There’s no reaction for a full ten seconds before Natalia screeches, “WHAT?!” She literally pulled the phone close to her face like she’s inspecting something. “Who?! Who is it?! Tell me everything!” Maks is quiet but he’s wearing a smirk that tells Nicky he knows something. It’s the same look Maks would get as kids when he knew some secret that Nicky didn’t know. “Hi, Ben,” Maks says. Ben chuckles and Nicky turns the camera towards him. “Hi, Maks,” Ben waves. “Ooh! He’s cute!” Nicky hears Ella say. “Shut up! He’s my brother’s boyfriend,” Nat throws something across the room at Ella. “Okay, she’s not wrong though. I’m Natalia, by the way. I may seem little but I’m very fierce. If you fuck with my brother, I know things, places to hide bodies.” “Jesus, Nat, you sound like Papa,” Nicky says. “And we actually have met, Natalia,” Ben responds. “We were all just much younger.” Maks interjects then. “His dads are Scott Hunter and Kip Grady.” Nicky watches Nat blush. “Scott Hunter?” She squeaks out. “Scott Hunter was my favorite player when I was a kid. Dad bought me a shirt that said ‘I JUST HOPE SCOTT HUNTER HAS FUN’ just to piss Papa off. He refused to let me hang his poster in my room though.” Ben laughs at that. “Seriously?” “As a shark attack,” Nat says. “That’s kind of amazing,” Ben says. Nat gets a mischievous look on her face. “I think your dad may be responsible for my teenage sexual awakening.” “Okay, too far, Nat,” Nicky says at the same time that Maks says, “Gross, Nat.” Nat had a crush on Scott, Ben had a crush on Shane. It’s all a little hilarious, considering there are hundreds of MLH players. “Oh my God! Papa is literally going to lose it!” Nat is giggling now and Nicky can hear that Ella has joined in.

Chapter 6: Heard the risk is drownin’, but I’m gonna take it

Chapter Summary Nicky goes home to Ottawa. Ben joins him.

Chapter Notes

Hi everyone! Thank you for continuing to read. I don’t love this chapter but hopefully it’s okay. I switch POVs in the middle of this and we get to hear from Ben. Thank you again! See the end of the chapter for more notes Heard the risk is drownin’, but I’m gonna take it Nicky is up early the next morning to catch the first flight to Toronto. He’s sad to be leaving Ben, even if he will see him in a few days. “Hey,” Ben stretches as he wakes. Nicky is already dressed and packed. He sits on the side of the bed and puts his hand on Ben’s cheek. “You sure you don’t want me to go to the airport with you?” “No, moye solnyshko. You go back to sleep,” Nicky leans down to kiss his lips. “I’ll be texting and calling.” “I love you,” Ben says. “I love you too,” Nicky kisses him again. “I’ll text throughout the day.” “I’ll watch the game tonight,” Ben says. “Score for me, yeah?” Nicky smiles. “You got it.” *** Usually when they play in Toronto, it’s not a horrible experience. The players aren’t all assholes. Maybe 80% of them are, the other 20% are okay. They have a rookie on the team. He’s an American from some state out West and Nicky’s heard things about him. Braddock, who plays for Toronto and played Juniors with Nicky, tells him this guy maybe idolizes Dallas Kent a little too much. That’s a huge red flag for Nicky. He really shouldn’t be surprised when he leans down for the first face-off with the rookie that things don’t go well. “We played Montreal last week. Tell me, is your brother more like Hollander or Rozanov? Does he take it up the ass or does he—“ That’s all the asshole gets out before Nicky’s thrown off his gloves and starts to pummel the hell out of him. Nicky’s hand wraps around the top of the kid’s jersey. Unfortunately, the guy is quick and returns the favor. Both of their helmets hit the ice. Nicky pounds his fist in a calculated manner. The other guy gets in a good hit or two and Nicky can already feel his eye starting to swell. Nicky gets one good punch and feels the crunch of the guy’s nose as they both slip to the ice. “Alright, alright, enough,” one of the refs reaches and pulls Nicky backwards. “You’re a fuckin’ joke! Your whole Hollander-Rozanov bullshit is a fuckin’ joke!” the rookie yells. Blood is gushing from the guy’s nose. But it doesn’t stop Nicky from lurching forward to shove him one last time. He’d love to punch him a few more times too but the ref pulls him back. “Not another word, Shiloh!” the ref that’s holding the rookie back says. “Keep my family’s name out of your fucking mouth! You homophobic dick!” Nicky yells. “Enough, Niko!” the ref pulls him further towards the penalty box. Nicky gets seven minutes this time, five for the fight and two for swinging first. The other guy, Shiloh (apparently), gets five. It’s worth it. It makes the 5-2 victory sweeter. It’s even better that Nicky scores twice, even with a swollen eye. It’s late when he gets back to the hotel. Some of the other guys are going out for the evening but Nicky just wants to crash on the bed and call Ben. Luckily, his rookie roommate is one of the few going out. “Remember, we leave early in the morning,” Nicky uses his Captain’s voice to remind the rook and the rest of the team. “And I won’t have you tired tomorrow when we play in Ottawa. You embarrass me in front of my family, I’ll kick every last one of your asses.” “He’ll do it too! Look at that shiner!” His rookie roommate says. After the guys have gone, Nicky slips out of his suit and pulls on a t-shirt and shorts. He dials Ben’s number and he answers after the first ring. “I saw the game,” Ben says. “Are you okay?” “Yeah,” Nicky says. “My eye is pretty swollen and it’s definitely going to be black tomorrow but it’s okay.” “What happened?” Ben asks. “He just made a comment about Maks and if he takes it up the ass,” Nicky says. He’s curious how Ben will react to that. Most hockey SAPs either think fighting is deplorable or the sexiest thing on earth. He’s not sure how Ben will react. “And you punched him?” He asks. “I did,” Nicky answers. At least Ben knows that violence is part of the game. “He could have said whatever he wanted about me. But leave my family out of it.” “Good. I probably would have killed him,” Ben says. “Nobody talks shit about Maks.” That makes Nicky love Ben even more. *** The team leaves Toronto early the next morning and flies to Ottawa. It’s a quick flight, maybe an hour and a half. Nicky watches some of the guys who went out the night before pass out as soon as the wheels are up. “You didn’t go out with the guys last night?” Zucco sits down next to him. “Uh, no,” Nicky answers. “I’m seeing my family and I think my dads are already going to be pissed about the black eye. Didn’t want to give them another reason for a lecture.” “Yeah, I get that,” Zucco says. “Tell me about your fella.” Nicky clears his throat. “Don’t worry, I’m not going to say anything to anyone.” “It’s not a secret. We’re just kind of in our bubble right now. And our families, it’s kind of complicated,” Nicky says. “Ah, families are always complicated,” Zucco says. Nicky looks at Zuc. “He’s Scott Hunter’s son.” “Scott Hunter is a nice guy,” Zucco adds. “Who wouldn’t like Scott Hunter?” “Ilya Rozanov,” Nicky says seriously. Zucco laughs. “I forgot about that. They’ve always kind of had a banter, eh? You know I played against your dads when I was a rookie.” “Really?” Nicky asks. Sometimes he forgets that there might be players around that played before his dads retired. To him, their retirement seems like ages ago. “Yeah, I was playing for Vancouver. They both scored on me. To watch them play together on the power play was like watching a choreographed dance,” Zucco tells him. “Like they were talking to each other without using words.” Nicky thinks about that statement. His dads weren’t just good hockey players because of their skill. When they played together, their partnership was an art in itself. But it was also like that off the ice too. When they cooked together, they were like planets in orbit. When Nicky and his siblings were kids, his dads worked like a well-oiled machine at bedtime or bath time or playtime. They just seemed to work. And Nicky felt like that’s a little how he and Ben were too. “Anyway, I think they won’t care so much that you’re with Scott Hunter’s son. As a father, I can tell you anyone who made one of my children smile like you are right now, I could never do anything but love that person too.” *** Nicky asks his dads to meet him at a coffee shop across from the arena in Ottawa. He’s so happy to see them both and when they hug him, even though he’s taller than both of them, he feels like a kid when they wrap their arms around him. His dad lifts his chin and looks at his eye. “Oh Nicky,” he says. “You can see okay?” “Yeah, just sore,” Nicky tells him. “Was a good fight though. You got good hits in,” his Papa adds They order their drinks and then move to an area that is a little more private. His dads get recognized often but that’s actually not why Nicky wants privacy. He wants to have this discussion without prying eyes and ears. “This looks serious, Nicky,” Shane says as they sit down. Nicky clears his throat and tries to calm his nerves as he wraps his hands around his coffee. “I’ve met someone,” he says. “And it’s pretty serious.” “Nick! That’s great,” Shane says. He smiles his boyishly bright smile at him. “His name is Ben. He’s an architect in DC,” Nicky says. Papa makes a surprised face and then asks, “Is a man?” “Jesus, Ilya,” Dad says. “Sometimes I wonder if you think before you say things.” “Sorry, we just have never heard about you being with a man before. You may not know this but you have a reputation,” Papa says. “So did you, Ilya, and guess what? You married me, asshole,” Dad says. “I’m not saying is bad,” Papa answers back, putting his hand up in surrender. “I’m sorry, Nikolasha. I’m just surprised.” “I mean, he’s the first man I’ve been with,” Nicky says before he thinks. “But it’s different.” “Please stop,” Dad says as he puts his hand up. He’s blushing. “Nicky, you don’t need to give us your sexual history.” “That’s good because it would take awhile,” Nicky says, again without thinking. Papa snorts out a laugh. “I’m sorry! That was inappropriate.” Dad sighs. “Can we get back to the matter at hand? Please continue, Nicky.” “We’ve been seeing each other for a few months.” Nicky takes a deep breath. “You’ve met him before. You actually know his, um, dads.” It clicks with Shane then. “Wait. Ben. Are you talking about Scott and Kip’s son?” “Yes,” he says. “Scott Hunter?! Is Scott Hunter still alive? He was ancient when he played against us,” Papa says. For some reason, there are two players that get under Ilya Rozanov’s skins. One is Hayden Pike, the other is Scott Hunter. “Were there no other nice men in DC? Like was Scott Hunter’s son the only guy?” “Well, no, I just, he’s amazing, Papa. He’s so sweet and so smart. He knows me and he remembers things that are important to me. I love him, Papa,” Nicky tells him. It’s quiet and Nicky can see his Papa turning this over in his head. “Is just that Scott Hunter is so old and so bad at hockey,” Papa says. “Ilya, he’s not that old,” Dad says. “And I think his Cup would tell you he’s not as bad at hockey as you like to think he is.” “I have more Cups. You have more Cups. I have more MVPs. You have more MVPs. He is not good at hockey,” Papa says. “Okay, but this isn’t about Scott, Ilya,” Dad tells him. “Says the man that fought him, after the game was over,” Papa says. This has gone on a path Nicky hadn’t anticipated. “Told him he was 45-years old and called him a pussy. Worst chirps in the MLH but proud day for me to watch my angry kitten let his claws out.” There’s a pause, a beat where no one says anything. “When you say serious, how serious do you mean?” Papa asks. “I mean, I love him,” Nicky says. He watches his dads exchange a look. “And I’m really scared because I know that hockey’s changed but not that much.” Nicky doesn’t cry often. Maks is the emotional one. Nat occasionally. But right now he feels like he’s 5 and scared that Babayaga is hiding in his closet. He’s terrified and he needs his dads to tell him it’s okay. He shouldn’t be surprised that his vision becomes blurry or that his hands are starting to shake. Dad reaches his hand across the table and Nicky takes it. “Hey, hey,” he says. “We’re going to figure this out, okay?” Nicky puts his head down to keep his dads from seeing his tears. “It will be alright, Nikolasha,” Papa says. Nicky lifts his head and sees that Papa has his hand on his Dad’s back. “I’m going to ask you a question. I hope no one else ever will ask this. But I want you to be prepared because there was day when someone asked your dad and I this question. If you had to choose between Ben and hockey…” Without missing a beat, Nicky answers, “Ben.” He takes a breath. “And I know that may be disappointing, with all the time and money and effort you both put into me as a hockey player but—“ “Nikolai, do you honestly think we give a fuck about hockey compared to your happiness?” Dad cuts him off. Both his dads are looking at him intently. His Papa speaks up then. “We put all the time and money and effort into it because you loved it. But you love something else more now. So we will put our time and money and effort into making sure you get to love that person.” It’s quiet for a second. Everyone takes a breath. He can see Dad already starting to formulate a plan in his head. Shane Hollander-Rozanov takes after his mother like that. “Does that mean we will share grandchildren with Scott Hunter?” Papa asks. “Because I am already the best Grandpapa. I have experience. He does not.” “Everything is not a competition, Papa,” Nicky says. Papa scoffs. “With Scott Hunter, it is.” “He’s coming to the game tonight,” Nicky tells them. Papa gets an entirely too excited look on his face. “Scott Hunter?” Nicky can practically feel his dad rolling his eyes. “I think he meant Ben.” “I did. He’s on his way now,” Nicky says. “He’ll make it in time for warmups.” “We will pick him up at the airport,” Papa says. That is not a good idea. The last thing Nicky wants is to subject Ben to his dads’ questions. He also knows that Ilya won’t hold back either. And he really doesn’t want Ben to be scared off. “I think he was just going to take an Uber or I was going to ask Nat—“ Ilya cuts him off. “We will pick him up.” There’s no use arguing. Nicky knows he won’t win. Ilya Rozanov is determined and that can be dangerous. Nicky sighs. “Please be nice to him. I love him and I really want him to be around for a very long time.” “Of course,” Papa says. “He did not choose his dad.” *** He’s excited about the game tonight. His dads, his grandparents, Nat, a lot of his honorary aunts and uncles, they’ll all be there. And he’s really happy that Ben is going to be there too. He checks his phone before he goes out for warmups. Score a goal for me tonight! XO Nicky knows he’s still smiling when he skates out onto the ice. His family is there already and they’re lined up at the glass. Dad and Papa are wearing shirts with his name and number on them. Oksana is there with Irina who’s holding a sign that says “#84 on the ice, #1 in my heart”. Ethan Barrett-Drover is standing next to Natalia whose hair is in buns at the top of her head, just like when she was little. Nicky notices Ethan holding Nat’s hand. Nicky skates by and waves, then stops in front of Ethan. He takes off his right glove and then does the sign for “thank you”. Ethan signs back, “you’re welcome”. He signs something else after that but Nicky doesn’t know much sign language apart from a few basics. It makes Nat laugh though. Then she signs and mouths “I love you” to Nicky. Then there’s Ben. He’s wearing his jersey and puts his hand up to the plexiglass. Nicky matches his on the other side. “I love you,” Nicky mouths. “I love you too,” Ben mouths back. The only thing that could make this moment sweeter would be if Maks were there too. But this is what playing hockey is all about for Nicky. This is the type of game he loves. Having his family there to support him. Being able to look up in the stands and see the people he loves. And Ottawa is good. Really good. Probably the best team in the league, if he’s being honest. Their star rookie is Luca Haas’s nephew and what he lacks in skill, he makes up for in speed. He’s also a really nice guy, which makes it hard for Nicky to dislike him even a little. None of the guys that played with his dads play any longer. But they have shown up for the game in full force. The stands are filled with the greats of Centaurs past: Hazy and Bood are there; Luca is there, wearing his nephew’s jersey. The team goes back to the locker room before introductions. And when they come out, there’s a buzz in the arena, a bright energy. It feels perfect. Nicky skates out onto the ice and yells back at his teammates. “Let’s get this, Defenders!” *** Ben’s POV I’m so sorry. My dads are insisting on picking you up from the airport, Ben reads the text from Nicky as soon as the plane lands. Should I be worried? Ben texts back. The response is almost immediate. No, I don’t think so. Just remember I love you. And Ilya Rozanov isn’t as scary as he wants people to believe he is, Nicky texts. I love you too, Ben responds. They’ll be in a black Range Rover, Nicky texts. That’s how Benjamin Grady-Hunter finds himself riding in the backseat of a car, being chauffeured by two hockey greats. “We’re really glad you’re here, Ben. Aren’t we, Ilya?” Shane says with that sort of nervous energy Shane Hollander always seemed to carry around when he was a kid. Ilya meets Ben’s eyes in the rear view mirror. He sighs. “Da.” “We can take you to the house to drop off your luggage and change before the game,” Shane tells him. Ben nods and says, “Thank you.” “How is your grandfather?” Shane asks, warmly. Ilya is driving but he keeps looking in the rear view mirror to cut him with a stare. Ben wonders if Shane is doing the talking because Ilya wouldn’t have anything nice to say. “He’s doing better. He’ll move into a rehab center next week,” Ben explains. “Will your dad be his roommate? At the old people rehab place?” Ilya asks. “He’s already had a knee replaced, yes? Could be hip next.” “Ilya,” Shane scolds. Ilya looks in the rear view mirror again. “Sorry,” he says. Though Ben isn’t really sure he is very sorry. “What did Scott say? When you told him you were with Nicky?” Ben clears his throat. “He was confused, I think. He didn’t know that we had reconnected.” He’s quiet then and looks out the window. When he was a kid, neither Ilya nor Shane scared or intimidated him. But it felt different now. Not as the son of their colleague but as their son’s boyfriend. “We knew you were doing the plans for his house but we didn’t know you were together,” Shane says. “Yeah, it…well, I wasn’t very nice to Nicky the first time we met,” Ben tells them. “The partners at the firm know I’m from a hockey family so I made certain assumptions. I also made certain assumptions about his reputation.” “He is like me, bisexual,” Ilya says. “Not like Shane.” Shane shakes his head and Ben notices the way a pink settles in his cheeks. “Right, because, as Ilya likes to remind everyone, I am super gay.” “You are,” Ilya replies. “Is good for me though.” This conversation has taken a turn but Ben actually enjoys watching these two men banter. Many people often wonder how sweet Shane Hollander could be married to Ilya Rozanov. But Ben sees the love in the back-and-forth. “I am little upset Scott found out before me,” Ilya sighs, loudly. Then adds, “I hope you will age better than he has. All his hair is disappearing like magic trick.” Ben actually can’t help the laugh that escapes him. “You’re not wrong,” he says. “I take after my dad more anyway.” “Kip is better looking anyway.” Ilya looks in the mirror again and his expression is very serious. “Do you love him? Our Nikolai?” Ilya asks. Ben takes a breath. “So much it scares me,” he answers truthfully. Ben sees Ilya reach across the center console of the car to take hold of Shane’s hand. He pulls it up to lips and places a kiss on the knuckles. He hears Shane whisper then. He doesn’t hear exactly what he says but it sounds like, “That’s how I felt.” There is a sense of something peaceful in the car as they drive to their house outside of Ottawa. Ben doesn’t remember ever having been here before. His family always went to the cottage but the family home is new to him. It’s large but not ostentatious. “Nat! We’re home and that door better be open!” Shane yells as they enter the house. “Sorry, Natalia is here with her ‘friend’ Ethan, and I get that she’s 21, but the thought of them being amorous in our house makes me ill.” Ben hears footsteps coming down the stairs. Natalia, the girl from the FaceTime call, stands in front of him. She’s short in stature with dark brown eyes and jet black curls. There’s a boy following her. He’s much taller, with dusty blonde hair, and glasses. “Hi, Ben,” Natalia says as she hugs him. “Nice to meet you in person.” Ben hugs her back. She pulls away and motions for the boy to come closer. She moves her hands and says, “This is Ethan. He’s here from DC too.” It takes a minute for Ben to realize she’s signing for Ethan. Ethan waves politely. Then signs something. “It’s nice to meet another hockey great’s son,” Nat says. “Oh, that’s right, your Troy Barrett’s son, right?” Ben asks. Nat signs for him and he watches as Ethan signs a response. “Yes, but don’t worry. Like you, I don’t play hockey. That’s my sister, Ella,” Nat interprets. “Ethan is more of an artist,” Natalia says as she signs. “He’s really good. He drew a sketch of the cottage that’s in my room. You’ll have to check it out before you leave.” “I will, thanks,” Ben says. Ilya and Shane are watching the conversation and Nat gestures to them. “Don’t let them scare you. It’s just that none of us have ever brought someone home to meet the parents before.” Ethan must take offense to that because he signs something at Nat. “Except for Ethan, but to be fair, I never really brought him home to meet the parents. We were friends one day and then the next we were something more.” Ben smiles as Ethan pulls Nat into his side and leans down to kiss her hair. It’s so genuinely sweet. “No kissing in front of us!” Ilya says as he glowers at the couple. “It was a head kiss, not a lip kiss. That would look like this,” Nat pulls Ethan down to plant a hard kiss on his lips. Ethan moves his hand to hold Nat’s head. “Okay,” Ilya groans dramatically. “Point made.” Nat and Ethan break apart and Nat winks at Ben. “I’m gonna show Ben to Nicky’s room to change. Are you riding to the game with us, Nat?” Shane asks. “No,” she says. “Ethan’s going to drive. We’ll probably leave before you guys though. We’re picking up Diana.” “Good to know,” Shane says. “Please be careful and don’t be late to the game. Nicky will want to see you for warmups.” “You got it, Grumps!” Nat fake salutes Shane, grabs Ethan’s hand, and goes back up the stairs. “Irina, our granddaughter, she calls me Grumps,” Shane explains. Ilya immediately chuckles. “He is boring and grumpy.” “I am neither of those things,” Shane sighs. “Now, let’s get you settled so you can change, yeah? *** Nicky’s room is warm and cozy with walls that are a comfy blue. A large bed sits against one wall. There’s a desk that Ben assumes Nicky used for schoolwork and a framed Ottawa Centaurs poster above his bed. On the bed is a stuffed duck that looks a little worn. He picks up the stuffed duck and turns it over in his hands. “Is a loon,” Nicky hears a voice from the doorway. He turns to see Ilya standing in the doorway. “Canadian duck bird thing. Makes a scary sound.” “Oh, okay,” Ben responds. “I have loon tattoo. When Nikolai was little and we traveled for road games, he liked to have that to remind him of us,” Ilya explains. “Nikolai did not like when we were gone.” Ben smiles at that, thinking of little Nikolai Hollander-Rozanov squeezing a stuffed duck to remind him of his dads. “He was baby when he came here. This has always been his room.” Ben picks up a picture. It’s two young boys in Centaur jerseys with Ilya and Shane in what looks like a courtroom. “Adoption day,” Ilya says. “Nicky looks the same,” Ben laughs. The boy in the picture has the same curls, the same smile. Ben can see the same bright personality in Nicky as the boy in the picture who is smiling so wide. “Da, he looks most like me,” Ilya says. He looks around and then crosses his arms. “I do not hate Scott Hunter. He is not bad guy. Is just too easy to chirp him.” He chuckles. “But my children are important to me and I am trusting you to take care of one of them.” “I will,” Ben says without a thought. Ilya nods. “You will have to be brave because it will not always be easy. Some things are better but some are not. You will have to love each other through the hard too.” “We will, sir,” Ben tells him. He feels himself push his chest out a little. “As you pointed out, I’m the son of Scott Hunter. I know the scary and I know how to be brave.” Ilya stares at him for at least a minute. “Good,” he says before turning and walking away. *** Ben changes into his Hollander-Rozanov jersey and puts on a Defender’s cap. He gives the loon a little squeeze (hoping maybe it will give him a little courage), takes a deep breath and walks downstairs. “Irina says she made a sign for Nicky,” Shane is looking down at his phone. Ilya is on the other side of the counter, looking at his own phone, with a smirk on his lips. “Who are you texting?” “Luca,” Ilya answers. “Just chirping about his nephew.” “Don’t antagonize him,” Shane sounds exasperated as he says it. Like this is not the first time he’s had to scold Ilya for this type of thing. He looks up then and sees Ben. “Hi, Ben. Nice jersey.” “Thanks,” Ben says. “I wasn’t sure about wearing a DC jersey in Ottawa.” “Stick with us and you’ll be fine,” Ilya says casually. “Ready to go?” Shane asks and Ben nods in response. He sends a quick text to Nicky: Score a goal for me tonight! XO He doesn’t actually expect Nicky to score a goal for him, per se. He just wants him to know he’s cheering for him and supporting him. He remembers all the games his dads took him to growing up, with Kip Grady-Hunter in the stands with the kids, while Scott played. Being with Nicky has given Ben a new found respect for his dad’s role in Scott’s career. Kip also always had a great relationship with the wives and girlfriends of the Admirals’ players. He organized a book club and exchanged texts. He put together the best holiday party for the team. He helped babysit players’ kids occasionally. And so Ben wonders, not for the first time, if that is the role he will be able to play for Nicky and the Defenders. He honestly wouldn’t hate it. Ben likes to think he’s a pretty social guy, and the man he loves wears the C on his jersey, just like his Pops did. Never in a million years had Ben thought he would fall in love with a superstar hockey player and be right where his Dad had been. He will be whatever Nicky needs him to be. Ilya drives to the arena and it’s a fairly quiet journey. Ottawa is nice. He wants to remind Nicky to bring him back in the offseason. They can be tourists in Nicky’s hometown too. Then Ben notices Ilya looking at him in the rearview mirror again. “Does your dad talk about it much?” Ilya asks. “I’m sorry, about what?” Ben asks. “About American Civil War? Was rough time for him, no? Did he meet Lincoln?” “Ilya,” Shane warns. He turns to look at Ben in the backseat. “He read a book and now he’s obsessed with the Civil War.” “No,” Ilya corrects him. “I watched Ken Burn’s documentary. Is different. Did Scott hear the Gettysburg Address in person or read it in the newspaper later?” “You know he’s really not that much older than you,” Ben replies. Ilya sticks out his tongue. “Boo!” *** As someone who has attended hundreds of games in his lifetime and been in the position of arriving for warmups before the game, Ben is still unprepared for the chaos of the Hollander- Rozanov family. Yuna and David Hollander are already lined up at the plexiglass with someone he recognizes as Oksana. There’s a little girl next to her that Ben has only seen in pictures and realizes it must be Irina. Nat and Ethan are there too, with a tall blonde haired girl standing next to them. Nat has her phone turned to her and Ben can see she’s FaceTiming someone. “Say hi to Ben,” Nat says and turns to show that it’s Maks she’s talking to. Ben waves. “Hey, Maks!” “Hey, Ben! This makes me wish I were there too!” Maks laughs. “Gimme phone,” Ilya says from behind him. Nat passes it to him. “You are okay?” “I’m fine, Papa,” Maks says. Ilya is very serious as he asks, “Are you icing your shoulder?” “I am,” Maks answers. “He had a pretty big save at the game in Dallas last night but the dads are concerned he hurt himself. Overextended his arm or tore something in his shoulder. He’ll try to play through the pain,” Nat explains. Shane is there then and he pulls Ben over to where Yuna and David are. “Mom and Dad, do you remember Ben? He’s Scott and Kip’s son?” “Oh yes! Sweet Scott Hunter,” Yuna says. He hears an audible groan from Ilya who has passed the phone back to Nat. Ilya blows a raspberry with his tongue. “No, Scott Hunter is not sweet. He is a menace.” “My mom loves your dad. That seems to be one of the only things she and Ilya disagree about,” Shane explains. “Anyway, Ben is Nicky’s boyfriend.” David and Yuna share a glance. He knows they probably have a lot of questions. Instead of asking them though, Yuna pulls him into a hug. “I’m so glad you’re here, Ben,” she says. And he genuinely believes she is glad to have him there. David also pulls him into a hug. “Welcome to the family,” he says. Ilya walks off but reappears with Oksana and the little girl. “Ben, do you remember Oksana?” Ben nods. Oksana looks much the same as he remembered when they were younger. She hugs him. “Is good to see you again, Ben. You were so young the last time your family was at the cottage,” she says and then motions for the little girl to come closer. Irina, this is Ben. He is Dyadya Nicky’s boyfriend,” Oksana says. The young girl looks at him. Her blonde hair is braided in two plaits that fall over her shoulders. She’s holding a sign in her hand that reads “#84 on the ice, #1 in my heart” written in pink glittery letters. She’s wearing a miniature version of the jersey he’s wearing and she’s looking at him with significant doubt. “I like your sign,” Ben tells her, hoping to win some points. Irina’s face lights up. “Thanks! Do you think Dyadya will like the pink?” “He’ll love it,” Ben says. “Irina, tell Ben I am the best grandpapa,” Ilya says. The little girl squeals as he picks her up, turns her around, and then puts her back on the ground. “Grandpapa is the best grandpapa and Grumps is the best Grumps.” Ilya seems entirely too proud of himself as he crosses his arms across his chest and says, “And Scott Hunter is not anything.” Ben tries to think of something to say but at that moment the Defenders skate onto the ice for their warmups. Nicky skates to the board where they’re standing and makes his way down towards him. He mouths that he loves him and Ben mouths it back. He wishes he could reach out and kiss him. “Sit next to me,” Ilya says. “We’ll watch the game together, okay?” Ben starts to answer but Ilya is already pulling him towards their seats. Ben’s not entirely sure he can say no anyway. He just knows Ilya will have a lot to say during the game. And he’s right. “Ref is blind!” Ilya yells when he thinks an Ottawa player is guilty of high-sticking. “Is slower than Scott Hunter!” he yells when a Defenders player misses a good pass because he was too slow skating down the ice. “Hit him, Nicky! Will be worth the two minutes!” He's talking about Kristoff Haas, Luca’s nephew, that time. “He only gets like this when we’re watching one of the kids play. Usually he’s content to observe,” Shane tells him. “One day, when you’re a parent, you’ll understand.” And, again, not for the first time, Ben thinks about what parenting will look like. And he’s almost sure that as long as it’s with Nicky, he can do anything. *** The Defenders lose, 4-3. Luca’s nephew, Kristoff, scores a hat trick. But surprisingly, the mood at the restaurant is still light and jovial. Ben is so proud of Nicky as he walks into the restaurant after the game with his head held high. “Ottawa is the only team I would be okay to lose to. They’re good and they play a good game,” Nicky tells him privately later. The family is being joined by a few friends. Ben recognizes the Barrett-Drovers, Wyatt Hayes, and a few other retired players, including Luca Haas. “Hey,” Nicky walks up to Ben and kisses him. When they break apart, Nicky motions for an older man to come forward. The man is taller with dark hair and a dark mustache. “This is Emmett Zucco. He’s the goalie who helped me with the picnic planning. Zuc, this is my boyfriend, Ben.” “Nice to meet you,” Zucco says. “I’ve heard a lot about you.” “Same,” Ben shakes his hand. “Before I leave, make sure I give you my wife Leah’s phone number. She’d love to get coffee and meet up,” Zucco tells him. “She can help you if you guys decide to like have stuff at your house. And she can give you all the details on the other WAGs.” “Ottawa calls them SAPs, maybe we should change it,” Nicky says. “Maybe we should,” Zucco smiles. “I’m gonna go say to your dads.” Nicky brings Ben over to where Harris and Troy are standing. “Benny, it’s good to see you again,” Harris pulls him into a hug. It’s just like Ben remembers Harris’s hugs to be: warm and welcoming. Harris has Troy pulled into his side. It reminds him so much of his childhood and the happiness of the memory makes a warmth bloom in his chest. “It’s good to see you too,” Ben says. He feels Nicky reach for his hand and he takes it. “I take it we might be seeing more of you?” Harris asks, looking down at their joined hands. “I hope so,” Nicky answers. He looks at Ben and smiles. “I do need your professional advice about something.” Harris almost seems to get serious then. “Of course.” “You know as well as I do that as much as hockey has changed for the better, there is still so much to do,” Nicky says. “I don’t want to hide who I am or who I love.” “And you shouldn’t have to,” Harris says. “There was something the nurse at the hospital said about queer kids having people to look up to. So, I guess what I’m asking is, do you think I need to come out? Publicly? Or do you think that we just leave it? People will see Ben and I together and they’ll figure it out?” Nicky asks. Harris thinks for a second. “I want to tell you that it’s no one’s business who you love or sleep with but I also think you need to tell your team,” he says. “For your own piece of mind.” “Yeah, I had planned to do that,” Nicky says. “You’ve also lived a very public life, Nicky,” Harris says. “Since you were a kid, with your dads. Then as a player, you’ve never shied away from the media or the public.” “I know,” Nicky says. “I also, I don’t want hockey to step backwards. There still aren’t a lot of out players and I don’t want the kids coming up behind me to think they have to be anything other than themselves.” “That’s exactly what you say, bud,” Harris smiles. “I think we craft something small. You decide as a couple what to do with it.” Ben squeezes Nicky’s hand. “You’re in town tomorrow, right?” “Yeah, we fly out next morning to Vancouver,” Nicky says. “I’ll come over in the afternoon and we’ll figure it out, yeah?” Harris pats Nicky on the back. Nicky moves to put his arms around him and hugs him. “Thanks, Harris.” *** “Can I call Scott Hunter? Pleeeeease?” Ilya practically squeals as they’re getting out of the Range Rover at the house. This is something Ben has never seen: a drunk Ilya Hollander- Rozanov. They have the best vodka! Ilya had said. Now Shane is trying to carry him out do the car. “Nicky, can you?” Shane asks. He motions for Nicky to help him get Ilya out of the car. “No, you’re not calling Scott.” Nicky is on one side and Ben slides in on the other side to support Ilya. “I want to tell him that he is going to play Santa Claus for Irina and the new baby at Christmas,” Ilya says, lightly smacking Nicky’s cheek. “I don’t think he would appreciate that very much,” Ben decides to speak up. Ilya turns his head to look at Ben. “Why not? Everyone loves Santa Claus.” “Because it’s implying he’s old,” Ben says. “I can’t imply if it’s true,” Ilya responds. Shane is following behind them as they walk into the house and then start up the stairs. Ilya isn’t making it easy for them either. He’s looking everywhere and several times he tries to get loose to walk in another direction. “Do you know what I think of when I think of Scott Hunter?” Ilya asks. Ben furrows his brow. What the hell could be possible say at this point? “What’s that?” Ben asks. “Moya lyubov',” Ilya says behind them towards Shane. “Remember the All-Star game in Nashville? When Scott Hunter was in the room next to me?” “Oh Jesus,” Shane says. “Please stop.” Shane moves quickly to take Ben’s spot as he steers Ilya towards their bedroom. “I wanted to fuck you so hard Scott Hunter would hear,” Ilya slurs, just as Shane slams the bedroom door. Ben and Nicky stand silently for a second. Ben is processing what was just said and Nicky is scrubbing his hands over his face. “Wanna make out in my bedroom?” Nicky asks. Ben grabs his boyfriend’s hand and pulls him towards Nicky’s bedroom. “Yes. The answer is yes.”

Chapter End Notes

I had planned to write a story for Nat and for Maks but I’m kind of discouraged right now so I’m not sure it will happen. Thanks for reading!

Chapter 7: Think I really want this, I'm not even kidding

Chapter Summary Nicky comes out. Scott and Ilya get drunk. Nicky wins a Cup.

Chapter Notes

Hi everyone! Thank you all for your words of encouragement on the last chapter. I appreciate them. I’m still not feeling great and I don’t love this chapter but there are parts I do love. Just a heads up, in this universe, JJ doesn’t get the redemption arc. He and Shane don’t stay friends after he accuses him of tripping on purpose. They actually never talk again. There’s one chapter left to this story, the epilogue. Thank you for sticking with me. See the end of the chapter for more notes Think I really want this I'm not even kidding

The next afternoon, Uncle Harris comes to the house. He still works as the Director of Communication for the Centaurs and he’s a genius when it comes to getting a message out in a way that works for everyone involved. He comes with a plan already in hand. Step one is to invite the team, who is still in town until the next morning when they fly out to Vancouver, to the house. That way he can introduce them to Ben and tell the team. Nicky wants Ben to be part of the WAGs when it comes to games and playoffs. “Would you be okay with that ?” Nicky asks him. Ben gives him a soft smile. “I would be okay with that. Would you be okay with that?” “I would be ecstatic about that,” Nicky says before pressing a kiss to Ben’s lips. Nicky texts the team and invites them to the house that afternoon. Most of them say they’ll be there. Step two is contacting his agent. Nicky’s agent is the son of his dads’ agent, Farah. Nicky tells him he’s working with Harris to craft a short statement. He won’t make it public without letting his agent know first. His agent seems pretty supportive. Step three involves recording a short message to post on his social media. It’s almost April and Harris recommends posting it before playoffs. But really the sooner the better. Because Nicky wants Ben by his side for the whole ride. He also has a plan for where they are going to film the message. “Your dads’ trophy room,” Harris says. “That’s where we’ll film it.” He hears his dad ask why. “Because you and Ilya won all those trophies, and, guess what? You’re queer, your husband’s queer. Your family is a dynasty. Don’t let anyone forget that.” Dad, Ilya, Troy, Harris, Nat, and Ben are in the trophy room and Harris is working to get things set up. Ben’s walking around and looking at all the memorabilia. “Dad has a very small version of this but please don’t tell Ilya that. I don’t think he’d let him live it down,” he says. It causes Harris and Nicky to laugh. “Not a word from me, pal,” Harris says. Ben stops at a picture of Dad winning the Cup with the Metros. Nicky swears he hears Ben murmur “assholes” under his breath. “How’s Hayden?” Ben asks out loud . “I remember him from the camps. And his kids.” “Still terrible at everything,” Ilya sighs like he’s bored (or he sighs just because he likes to pretend he hates Hayden Pike). “Papa,” Nicky warns him. His dad didn’t hear the comment or he knows it would have started an argument. Nicky’s nerves are already on edge, let’s not add his dads acting like children. “What? Is true!” Ilya shrugs. “His wife, Jackie, she is real gem. You should visit them. Next time you are in Montreal.” Nicky watches Ben pick up another photo. It’s one of Shane, Hayden, and J.J. Boiziau. “Who’s this guy?” Ben asks, pointing at J.J. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen him around.” “You wouldn’t have. That’s J.J. Boiziau. He played with Dad at Montreal. But when the dads were outed, I guess J.J. was not exactly supportive. He was traded to Dallas when Dad left to Ottawa. I’ve never met him before and I’m okay with that.” “So why does your dad keep the picture?” Ben asks. Nicky shrugs but then feels his dad at his side. “We were a good team at the time. But mostly I keep it to remind me that the people that mattered like your Uncle Hayd, they stuck around. The people that didn’t matter, didn’t. And I was around people that cared about me after. It’s okay because I’m more loved now than I ever have been,” Dad says. “I’m a little nervous about telling my team,” Nicky says. “I want to say that I don’t care what they think but I also think that’s not entirely true.” “Is there a particular reason you’re nervous?” Dad asks. “I mean, this picture, your experience at Montreal. Maks’s experience at Montreal, the fact that there are still things said in locker rooms. Some fans can still be homophobic jerks,” Nicky explains. “My team knew I was gay, Nicky. They took offense to me sleeping with the enemy. Then they accused me of throwing a game. And they were wrong,” his Dad says. “But then think about the amazing experience had when I got to Ottawa. Those were the best playing years. I got to play with your Papa and that’s where I found my best friendships.” Dad puts his hand on Nicky’s back to comfort him. “Don’t assume your team will be a Montreal without giving them the chance to be an Ottawa.” Nicky nods. His dad is good at helping him relax. Which is odd because Papa always says he is the most anxious of the two of them. “Hey,” Nat says to get his attention. “Wanna call Maks while they finish getting things ready?” “Yeah, actually. That sounds great,” Nicky says. Nat gets her phone from her back pocket and dials it to FaceTime Maks. When he appears on screen, he’s in his goalie gear, sitting in his stall in the Montreal locker room. “Bonjour, fellow Hollanovs,” Maks says. “Privet, Maksim,” Natalia answers. “Hey, Maks,” Nicky adds. “Nicky is getting ready to film his message and we thought it might be nice to chat before,” Nat explains. “Are you at practice?” Nicky asks. “How’s your shoulder?” “Yeah, getting ready to be, and it’s fine. Just a little more sore today,” Maks answers. “How are you feeling?” “Good, little nervous but okay,” Nicky tells him honestly. “You’ll do great, little brother,” Maks smiles at him warmly. “Your family is here for you. Ben is here for you. I would bet even Scott Hunter and Kip Grady support you too.” Nicky nods and swallows hard. “I hope so,” he says. “I know so,” Maks pauses for a second. “Before it was anyone else, it was you and me.” Nicky’s eyes instantly fill with tears because that’s something they don’t talk about. They don’t talk about being alone in an apartment in Moscow. They don’t talk about Maks’s small hand holding his even smaller one while they sat in a police station waiting for Ilya. And Nicky is so goddamn thankful for his dads. But he’s also grateful he has Maks as his big brother. “I’m so fucking proud of you, Nikolai, and I love you so much.” Nicky lets out a sob and instantly feels Ben’s arm slip through his to pull him close. “I love you too and I’m so proud of you.” Someone calls Maks’s name off camera and Maks’s acknowledges them. “I gotta go. I wish I were there with you guys but I’m cheering for you from here. Love you.” Maks waves and then hangs up before anyone can respond. Ben stays at his side as Harris calls him over. He has him sit in a chair in front of a wall of trophies. Harris reads through the statement Nicky and Ben wrote one more time. “I think you’re good to go,” he says. Harris uses his phone to record and counts down on his fingers. 3,2,1… “Hi everyone! I want to talk to you all about something very personal to me. To start, when I was growing up, I had the best queer athlete role models. I had my dads, I had Scott Hunter, I had Troy Barrett and Luca Haas. But many of you know the struggles my dads faced. They hid their relationship for over a decade and loved each other in secret. The hockey world of that time was not an environment where being queer was accepted. I wish I could tell you that the hockey world of today is very different. But the truth is, even today, out queer hockey players are an exception because many of us fear what might happen if people know. As much as things have changed, they have also stayed the same. I don’t want any generation of queer hockey players to ever feel like my dads did. I don’t want any player to ever feel like they can’t be anything but themselves. I say all this because I want to share with you all that I’m a queer hockey player, and I want what wasn’t afforded to my dads, the ability to come out on my own terms. I’m in a very happy committed relationship with a man who I love, who makes me a better person, a happier person. His love and support also makes me a better player too. My ultimate hope is that someday, no athlete will have to make a public announcement about their sexuality. That we are allowed to be our authentic selves without having to give a second thought to if we will be accepted. Because I’m very proud of who I am and I want a game where everyone else can be too. Thanks for your time! Let’s go, Defenders!” *** The Defenders trickle in to the Hollander-Rozanov house and Nicky is grateful for his dads’ and Harris and Troy’s help to entertain them before everyone arrives. Nicky is reminded as he watches his Papa that he is the consummate entertainer, regaling everyone with stories of his glory days. “I was always faster than Shane,” Papa says. “Not true!” Dad rebuts. “I won the speed competition at the All-Star game.” “Doesn’t matter. We are both faster than Scott Hunter,” Papa says. It gets a laugh from a few of the guys. Nat and Ethan have joined them now too, walking hand-in-hand. They pull apart every now and then to have a conversation through sign language. What surprises Nicky is when the rookie gets up from his seat and joins them, signing as he introduces himself. “I’m Leo,” the rookie says as he signs. “I’m the rook.” Nicky watches the surprise look come across both Ethan and Nat’s faces. “You sign?” Nat asks out loud while she signs. Leo nods and then signs, “I do. My dad and brother are deaf. Being away from them, I don’t get to sign as often.” They continue their conversation. It actually makes Nicky a little sad to think he didn’t know that about the rookie. He’d shared a room with the guy for most of the season, dammit! Nicky decides he would be better at that moving forward. Most of the players have found a spot to sit in the living room. Dad has put out some snacks and drinks. Nicky thinks everyone is here that’s going to be here. He pulls reaches for Ben’s hand and he walks to the center of the room. “Hey, guys,” Nicky says. “Um, I have something I need to tell you all.” “Oh, fuck, you’re not bein’ traded are you?” The rookie asks. “Idiot, he wouldn’t announce that now,” Zucco responds. “No, I’m not being traded,” Nicky shakes his head. “But there is someone I want to introduce you all to.” He motions for Ben to come closer. He puts his arm around him. “This is Ben. He’s my boyfriend.” Ben gives a short nervous wave. No one reacts at first. If it were possible to hear crickets, they would be chirping at that moment. But it’s the rook who speaks up, “Good for you!” He gets up and walks over to Ben. “Leo,” he says. “Ben,” Ben smiles and puts his hand out but Leo sidesteps it and hugs him instead. “The Captain’s boo gets a hug, not a handshake,” Leo says. Nicky watches Ben’s smile widen. “It’s nice to meet you, Leo,” Ben says as he pulls away. “It’s nice to meet you too,” Leo responds. “Paige will be glad to have a new WAG,” one of the wings says. “Wait. He looks super familiar,” de la Harpe says. “Why do you look familiar?” “Um, my dads are Scott Hunter and Kip Grady,” Ben answers. “Holy shit! Oh my god! You two are like hockey royalty!” Leo says. “Imagine if they have kids! They’ll be hockey geniuses!” “Yeah, I don’t think that’s the way it works,” Zucco sighs as he slaps Leo on the back. “Good try though, buddy.” *** The next day, Nicky flies with the team to Vancouver while Ben flies back to DC. After they get checked into the hotel before heading to the arena, Nicky FaceTimes Ben. He’s sitting in the office at his apartment. He’s wearing a Georgetown sweatshirt and his adorable slutty glasses. “Leah Zucco called me,” Ben says. He pushes his sleeves up on his sweatshirt. “She invited me to come over later to watch the game. A few other WAGs are going to be there.” Nicky chuckles. Ben is trying to be cool about it, Nicky can see. But it also seems like Ben is excited. “Are you going to go?” Nicky asks. Ben clears his throats but is still trying to play it cool. “Yeah, I think so.” Nicky smiles at him. “It’s okay to be excited, Ben.” “Oh, thank god,” Ben sighs in relief. “It just feels really nice to get to go be with the other significant others as your boyfriend. And Leah seems really nice.” “Good, I’m glad. I don’t really know a lot of the WAGs. I just didn’t really think about it too much because I never had anyone to be my plus one,” Nicky explains. “I think I was waiting for you.” Ben grins back at him. “I was waiting for you too.” *** Nicky’s on the road a few days later when he and Ben decide it’s a good time to post the video Harris made to his socials. Travis and Vincent send him encouraging messages. His family does too, including Scott and Kip. His teammates comment on the post and let him and Ben know they have their support. That doesn’t mean everything is roses and sunshine. There are a few fans that make it known they are no longer Nikolai Hollander-Rozanov supporters. Nicky tries to remind himself what his Dad said. The people that matter will stay and the people that don’t matter, won’t. *** Two weeks later and the playoffs have started. The Defenders organization decides to have a family day to foster community as dads, grandpas, husbands and boyfriends get in the playoff mindset. They promise food, a bouncy house for the kids, and skating. In the past, Nicky’s always kind of awkwardly gone to these kinds of events by himself. Or even not at all which probably wasn’t the best look from the team Captain. “We’re having Team Family Day Saturday,” Nicky tells Ben. “Then we’re playing Montreal on Sunday to start the playoffs. My dads are going to come in for the weekend and Maks will be here for the game. Um, would you want to invite your dads?” Ben stares at him with wide eyes. “You want Scott Hunter and Ilya Rozanov to be in the same room?” Nicky laughs. “I mean, yeah. I plan on keeping you around forever. I think they’re going to have to learn to at least tolerate each other.” “That’s true,” Ben says. “It’ll just be the dads and us,” Nicky tells him. “I would invite Maks but I don’t think the team would appreciate the opponent being there.” Ben thinks for a moment. “I think it will be nice, actually. It’s been years since our dads have been together. Maybe they can remember they’re actually friends.” “Wait until they find out there’s a family skate,” Nicky says, awkwardly, trying not to meet Ben’s eyes. Because if the verbal warfare of Scott Hunter and Ilya Rozanov isn’t enough, let’s add in something else they can find a way to compete against each other in. “No!” Ben responds. “No! Nicky! Oh fuck.” Shane and Ilya arrive in DC first. They fly in Friday evening and rent a car for the weekend. Nicky and Ben pick up Scott and Kip at the airport around the same time. They all meet up at a Mediterranean restaurant for dinner and Nicky realizes this is probably the first time Ilya Hollander-Rozanov and Scott Hunter have seen each other in the flesh in years. “Rozanov,” Scott says when they arrive at the restaurant. Ilya and Shane are already there sitting at the table. “Hunter,” Papa sneers. “I’ll pay for dinner.” “No, we can pay for dinner,” Scott immediately objects. Nicky hears his dad sigh. Hard. Dad says, “Why don’t we split it?” Scott and Ilya stare each other down. Neither blinks. Nicky’s about to say he was intending on paying for dinner when his dad blessedly announces as he attempts to show Papa the menu. “Oh, look, Ilya, they have the good vodka.” That shakes Ilya Rozanov out of it for a second. He looks at Shane. “Order whole bottle!” He says, then turns back to glare at Scott. Nicky feels Ben reach for his hand under the table. He takes it and then pulls it up to kiss his knuckles. That seems to garner the attention of all the dads assembled and they all turn to look at them. “I remember when we couldn’t go anywhere together,” Kip says. “Even incognito, there was a fear that someone would not just recognize who Scott was but what he and I were to each other.” Kip turns to Dad. “What about you two?” Dad shakes his head. “Even at the Summer Camps, before, we had to portray this image. We couldn’t even really be friends. We could say we were but that wasn’t people actually wanted to see. They liked the rivalry. They couldn’t know how much I loved this asshole.” Kip looks serious. “Maybe we call a truce. For the sake of our sons?” Scott and Ilya don’t look convinced. “Just for dinner. Not forever,” Papa says. Scott seems to be thinking about it before nodding his head. “For the boys,” he adds. It works too. They are cordial enough throughout the entire meal. It’s actually really nice. Except for the fact that Papa and Scott polish off the entire bottle of vodka and two glasses of Scotch on their own. “I bet we would have been friends,” Papa slurs on the walk to the car. He’s decided to put his arm around Scott’s shoulders. Nicky doesn’t miss the way his Dad and Kip snap pictures at the scene. “I bet we would have been best friends,” Scott slurs back. “I like Ben. He is good match for my Nikolasha,” Papa says. “They will be happy together.” “They will. I bet they get a dog,” Scott replies. “Oh they will have lots of dogs,” Ilya says. “What’s the one dog, the fluffy yapper?” “Pomeranian,” Dad supplies from in front of them. “Don’t tell anyone but I want one of those,” Papa says. Scott pretends to turn a lock on his lips and toss an invisible key over his shoulder. “Lips. Sealed.” They continue babbling as they load Scott into Ben’s car. Nicky will ride with his parents back to his apartment. “That went well,” Ben laughs. Nicky leans down and pecks Ben’s lips. “I have a feeling they’ll be back to hating each other in morning. But I’ll take a small reprieve from the arguing.” “Probably,” Ben replies. He wraps his arms around Nicky’s neck. “Still think a family skate is a good idea?” Nicky rests his forehead against Ben’s. “It’ll be fine. It’ll be fun.” “I love you,” Ben says. Nicky moves and kisses Ben. “My sunshine,” he breathes. “I love you so much.” They share one last kiss before going their separate ways. The Hollander-Rozanovs and Grady-Hunters meet up at the arena the next morning. “You’re an amazing skater,” Nicky tells him. They’re holding hands as they glide along. “You think Scott Hunter’s son would be anything less?” Ben squeezes his hand. “Hey Tess!” He waves at one of the player’s wives and then stops. “How’s Brady? Is he here?” “He’s much better,” the woman, Tess, says. “Just a cold. Kids and germs.” Ben then introduces Nicky and Tess. She’s the wife of the other goalie. Another woman skates up holding hands with a little girl. Nicky listens as they chat. Ben’s asking about the little girl’s birthday party, then about the woman’s mother who is coming to visit. It occurs to Nicky that he’s been a part of this team for six years and could maybe have named two of the wives and girlfriends. Ben has been immersed in the team for two weeks and he doesn’t just know names, he knows their stories too. Without a second thought, Nicky pulls Ben a little closer, leans down and kisses his forehead. Ben just smiles at him. “You’re really good at this,” Nicky says when they continue skating. Ben grins. “I’m the captain’s boyfriend. It’s important.” He squeezes Nicky’s hand. “Hey Ben,” a middle-age woman skates towards them. “Hey, Leah,” Ben hugs her and then wraps his arm around Nicky. “This is my Nikolai.” “Leah Zucco,” she says. “Emmett’s wife.” “Nice to meet you,” Nicky replies. “Thanks for bringing Ben into the fold.” “Of course! I personally love having him in the crew. We’re petitioning to follow in Ottawa’s footsteps and become SAPs instead of WAGs. We’ll see how the other partners feel about it,” Leah explains. “I think we’ve made progress,” Ben says with a proud smile. Nicky introduces his dad and Kip but Papa and Scott are too busy skating around everyone and throwing barbs at each other. Nicky can’t hear the conversation that’s been had between the two of them but he recognizes the tell-tale signs of goading and chirping. “Shane! Did you hear? I was right, Hunter wants to watch!” Papa yells across the ice. Nicky hears Scott scoff back with a, “Fuck you, Rozanov.” “Like mating call!” Papa yells back. “So sorry about that,” Ben says to De La Harpe and his wife who skate by with a toddler. Nicky watches the two retirees gently shove each other before he sees a change in Scott’s demeanor. His face has lit up like he has a good idea and Nicky sees him say something to Papa, whose face also lights up. Then they both sprint to one side of the boards. “Nikolai!” Papa yells. “We are going to race! Loser buys dinner!” “Oh Jesus,” Nicky hears his dad mumble behind him. The ice is literally full of professional hockey players and their families. And these two wahoos have decided to have a speed competition in the middle of all of them. “Do not cheat, Rozanov!” Scott elbows him as they line up. “I never cheat, old man,” Papa responds back. “Down and back, yes?” Families have moved out of the way and some of the guys pull their phones out to record. “On your mark, get set, go!” Scott hollers and the two men bolt. For men in their 50s, they’re still pretty fast. Maybe not as agile as they once were but still fast. “I feel like we’re watching a competition to see who can break a hip first,” Dad says, shaking his head. Nicky wonders if his dad also needs a drink right now or if he’s questioning all his life choices like he is. “Scott. I love him but it will definitely be Scott,” Kip responds. They both fall. They’re so busy shoving each other back that Scott hits something in the ice and brings Papa down with him. They both end up starfished on the ice. “Nikolai! Did you see? I almost won,” Ilya is panting. “Bullshit!” I was closer,” Scott says and shoves at him even as they lay there. “Lots of people have video. We’ll check it,” Ilya says. “Alright, Aging All-Stars,” Kip says. “Let’s get up and assess the damage.” Both Ilya and Scott groan as they haul themselves off the ice. Later that evening as they eat dinner, Scott reveals he’ll probably have a good sized bruise on his derrière. Nicky watches his papa smirk. “I bet mine will be bigger.” *** Nicky feels a tiny bit guilty when they defeat Montreal in a quick four games. Mostly he feels for Maks. He is proud of the fact he’s the only one who scores on his big brother. None of Nicky’s teammates do, and, for the most part, it’s the Montreal defense and Maks that plays the game. In four games, Nicky scores 9 points. The rest of his team scores 0. But Nicky does have an unfair advantage because he knows his brother. He loves playing against him because it reminds him of all the practices as a kid where it would just be Nicky hitting pucks to/at Maks in the crease. “Give ‘em hell, little brother,” Maks says after the last game. Nicky gives him a giant kiss on his helmet. After Montreal is Carolina. They make them work for it. It takes six games for Nicky and the Defenders to win the series. Then it’s Florida. Don’t get Nicky wrong, he knows hockey is a violent game. It’s just that Florida seems to particularly relish in the violence and bloodshed. It takes five games to finally make it to the Cup championship. On the other side of the bracket, Nicky watched as Ottawa beat LA, Las Vegas, and then Dallas to make their own way towards the Championship game. “It'll be Ottawa and DC in the MLH Cup Playoffs!” One sportscaster says. “It should be an exciting series,” the other announcer says. “It’s always good fun when Ottawa and DC play each other. Play will start in DC for two games before we get to see Nikolai Hollander- Rozanov return to his hometown.” “How many games do we think this series will go?” The first sportscaster says. “I say Ottawa in four.” The second sportscaster shakes his head. “DC in six.” *** The night before the series starts, Nicky is laying in bed with Ben across his chest. He has some weird superstitions, like not shaving and not cutting his hair the whole of the playoffs, but he’s always drawn the line at no sex. Actually, he thinks sex makes him a better player. Ben doesn’t argue with him. His dads and Maks are in town and staying at his apartment. But he likes being here, with Ben, in his bed. “I’m wearing a jacket tomorrow,” Ben says, bringing Nicky out of his thoughts. “A SAP jacket.” “Can I see it?” Nicky asks. “Not until tomorrow,” Ben grins at him. “But I can hear you thinking.” Ben leans up and kisses him. “Can I give you something to take your mind off the playoffs?” He kisses Nicky’s pec then proceeds to run his tongue over his nipple. Nicky groans. “Please.” Ben moves so his body is above Nicky. “Relax, Nikolai,” he whispers. He kisses Nicky’s stomach, all the way down, scooting his body down under the sheets. The anticipation is killing Nicky as Ben kisses his thighs. Then he feels Ben’s tongue on his balls. He instantly feels his dick get harder and his body tense. “Fuck,” Nicky groans. “Nikolai,” Ben wraps his hands around him to move him closer to his mouth. His mouth is on him quickly and he starts to move up and down. “Oh fuck,” Nicky moans. He moves one arm above his head and cards the fingers of his other hand in Ben’s hair. “Like that, Ben. Fuck!” Ben’s free hand goes to cup his ball. He moans around Nicky’s cock and Nicky feels the familiar tightening in his stomach. “Ben, I’m gonna come,” Nicky whimpers. He tightens his grip on Ben’s hair as he lets go and releases into his mouth. Ben swallows it down. It takes a minute for Nicky to catch his breath. Ben crawls back up his body. “I love you,” Ben says. “You’re going to be great.” “I love you too,” Nicky kisses him. *** The first game in DC is electric. It’s been three years since the Cup playoffs were in DC and the fans came out in droves. The highlight for Nicky, however, is during warmups when the SAPs are lined up along the glass. Ben’s wearing a red, white, and blue jacket. On the back reads “Hollander-Rozanov 84”. Nicky scores twice that game and each time on each goal, he looks up to where his family is sitting. He points his stick at Ben and then blows a kiss. The Defenders win 4-2. Game 2, Nicky scores once, and it’s the only goal for the Defenders. They lose at home 1-2. Nicky hates losing but losing at home is a terrible feeling. “Shake it off. You will win next game,” Papa tells him. And Ilya Rozanov is right. Game 3 is a Defender win, 5-1. Even though they play in Ottawa, there are quite a few Hollander-Rozanov jerseys in the crowd. He’s the hometown boy. Nicky even joins in the cheers when they announce his dads’ presence at the game. Game 4 is closer, 3-2. The rookie, Leo, is the star that night and he skates like he owns the ice. He scores all three of the Defenders’ goals. And Nicky is as proud of him as a brother. They head back to DC for Game 5. “We’re going to fucking end this here! We are going to win the Cup in our fucking city with our fans! Tonight, this fucking game belongs to us! No one gets anything past us. Defense, I want clean hits. No one scores on us. You hear me?! And we run up that scoreboard like we own it. Because we fucking do! Let’s do this, Defenders!” It’s not the motivational speeches he’s heard Papa was famous for but Nicky makes sure to at least say it loudly. But it works. It’s a shut out. The Defenders win Game 5 at 6-0. The roar in the arena is deafening and it’s the sweetest sound Nicky has ever heard. He can’t even pay attention to the set up of the trophy because he’s looking all over for Ben and his dads. He knows they’re probably being ushered down to the tunnel but he’d love just a glance at them. “You’re MLH champions! The DC Defenders!” The arena announcer says. “Here to accept the MLH Cup is DC Defender’s Captain, Nikolai Hollander-Rozanov!” Nicky shakes the hand of the commissioner, as well as a few of the guys from management who are standing there. They pass the trophy off to him and he lifts it over his head. “Take a lap, Niko,” Coach tells him. He skates the perimeter of the ice and takes in the cheers of the fans. The more he skates, the louder it gets. He skates back to the team and passes the Cup off to de la Harpe, who takes his turn. Then, the families descend on the ice. He watches Leah Zucco come out and a gaggle of kids. He sees a few other women and kids. Then, towards the back of the pack, he sees Ben and his dads. His Papa hugs him first. “YA tak gorzhus' toboy, moy mal'chik!” I am so proud of you, my boy! He passes him off to his dad then. “You played so well! I am so incredibly proud of you, Nicky!” And then, Ben is there. Nicky doesn’t even hesitate as he leans down and presses their lips together. He doesn’t care if people are watching, he doesn’t care what anyone may think. He just wants the man he loves to know how much Cup belongs to both of them. “I love you,” Ben says when they pull apart. “I love you so much, Benny,” Nicky replies. He hugs him tightly to his chest. “I could not have done this without you, moye solnyshko.” When he gets back to the locker room later, when the champagne has been sprayed and the interviews have been conducted, Nicky’s phone is full of text messages from family, including one from Scott Hunter. The message is short and congratulatory. “Great job out there, Nicky! Kip and I are super proud of you and are cheering from NYC!” Nicky texts him back to tell him thank you and to thank him for changing the game all those years ago. Nicky’s exhausted by the end of the evening and Ben’s waiting for him. “I was thinking we could go home, I could put your jersey on. The one I wore to the Admirals game,” Ben reaches for Nicky’s hand. “Oh, yeah? And then what?” Nicky asks, somewhat rhetorically. “Well, your dads are staying at your place so…” Ben raises his eyebrows. “Maybe you can tell me all about what it feels like to hold the Cup.” Nicky smiles at him. “I like the sound of that.”

Chapter End Notes

Please leave a comment or kudos or both! Leo, the rookie, is based on Ozzy Wiesblatt, who plays for Nashville. His parents are both deaf and he signs.

Chapter 8: Epilogue: You're the risk, I'm gonna take it

Chapter Summary Nicky and Ben get a happily ever after.

Chapter Notes

Thank you to everyone who has followed along on this journey! This is the end of Nicky and Ben’s story but I hope you all enjoy it. Thank you for your encouragement and support! I feel like I’ve made friends through your comments and kudos. Thank you again! Epilogue: You're the risk, I'm gonna take it

After the Cup win, four things happen. *** First, the house is finished. But Nicky can’t imagine spending a day in it without Ben. They’ve practically been living together most of their relationship anyway and this house, this house they were building together as they built a strong foundation as a couple. Everything nook and cranny represents them. So he asks Ben to move in with him and Ben agrees. He will keep his old apartment as an investment property and rent it out eventually. *** Second, when they are moved in and settled, Ben and Nicky hold their first team event at the house. It’s an informal “Yay! We won the Cup!” Party. Most of the team and their partners are there. There’s food and alcohol. And then, one of the guys, one of the other centers, suggests they all go to a tattoo parlor. “We all get Cup tattoos!” Someone knows someone who knows someone who owns a tattoo parlor and they rent the place out for an evening. They don’t all get the same tattoo. Some of the guys like more detailed designs, more realistic. Nicky prefers a more outlined design that he has Ethan sketch out. It’s literally just the outline of the cup. He has it tattooed on his left side, opposite his outlined maple leaf, from his nippleline to his waist. Ben sits in the booth with him. He holds his hand and kisses his forehead the few times Nicky’s body jumps when the needle hits a painful part of his skin. “It looks really good,” Ben says as Nicky stands in front of the mirror looking at the finished tattoo. He leans up to whisper in his ear. “It’s really sexy.” Nicky pulls Ben into the maple leaf side and leans to kiss him. “Let me get the wrap on it first,” the tattoo artist says. The artist puts on the tattoo balm and wrap. Then he follows Ben out to pay. “Captain, the rook’s having a panic attack and asking for you,” Zucco says. Nicky sighs. “He doesn’t have to get the tattoo if he doesn’t want to,” Nicky says. “He wants to, he’s just a 19-year old kid who’s scared shitless,” Zucco adds. “Leave Benny with me and go take care of the rook.” Nicky nods and gives Ben a quick kiss before he walks back to the station where Leo is. Leo has apparently decided to get his Cup tattoo on his right forearm. His design isn’t quite as detailed as a few of the guys but looking at what work is going to be done might be overwhelming. “Thank God, Cap!” Leo says. “I’m so nervous!” “Kid, you just won the Cup. This is nothing,” Nicky tells him. He takes a seat next to him. He remembers when he and Maks got their maple leaf tattoos. Maks was a lot like Leo. He wanted to do it but the anxiety leading up to it caused him to panic. Nicky remembers talking to Maks as the only thing that got him to relax. “Tell me about your family.” Leo tells Nicky that his family lives in Halifax, where Leo grew up. His mom is a sign language professor at a community college, while his dad works in city planning. His dad and older brother are both deaf and Leo learned sign language at the same time he learned to speak. He has three younger sisters, all still in school. Nicky keeps him talking the entire time. They talk about hockey, basketball, ballet (which Nicky took as a kid to help with his footwork). They talk about dogs and cars and superheroes. Leo asks about Ethan and Nat and Nicky explains how they’ve just always kind of been together. Since they were little. He’s not even sure when their friendship morphed into what they are now. Leo asks about Maks too, what he’s like as a player and a person. Nicky tells him about how Maks knew he was going to be a goalie when he was probably five years old. That just like he protects the net, he protects his family. “I hope I’ll get to meet for real someday,” Leo says. “Playing against him, he’s like the best goalie I’ve ever seen.” “He is,” Nicky says with conviction. A few hours later and the rookie’s tattoo is finished. The tattoo artist wraps it and goes over the basics of tattoo care. Then Nicky walks back to the waiting area with Leo. Ben is notably missing. “Where’s Ben?” Nicky asks Zucco. “Back there,” Zucco points back to the booths. Nicky walks back just in time to see the tattoo artist explaining basic care of a tattoo to Ben. Then Ben turns so Nicky can see. There on Ben’s hip is a small outlined maple leaf, almost a miniature copy of the giant one on his own side. Ben places a peck on Nicky’s lips. “This way I have something to remind me of you all the time,” Ben says. “And when it heals, it’s the perfect place for you to kiss.” *** Third, Maks gets his wish. He’s traded from Montreal. It’s not to Ottawa like he hoped. The team he’s traded to had an older goalie who had spent 22 years in the MLH and he’s ready to retire and spend time with his wife and seven kids. “I probably have a year or two left in me but I don’t want to risk getting hurt. And my kids are starting to get serious playing. I want to be a hockey dad,” Zucco tells him. It makes Nicky more than a little sad. Emmett Zucco has become the person he relied on. He truly was the Yoda to his Luke Skywalker. But he also respected his decision. When trades start happening, management calls Nicky into the office. “Your brother is looking for a trade,” the GM says. “I think we all know he’s probably the best goalie in the league and we want him here in DC. But, we want to make sure you are good with it before we make anything official.” “I’m good with it,” Nicky doesn’t even hesitate to answer. The thought of getting to play on the same team as Maks makes him more excited about hockey than anything has in a long time. “Most of the details will be handled by his agent but he knows we’re interested. We thought you might want to be here when we call him,” Coach says. “Yeah, I’d love that,” Nicky answers. The GM dials the phone and puts it on speaker. It rings a few times and Nicky’s a little worried he might not answer. But then he does. “Hello?” Maks’s voice says. “Hey, Maks,” Nicky says. “Hey, sorry it took me so long to answer. I’m helping Charlie out at the shop. Whose number are you calling from?” He hears his brother say. Nicky chuckles at that. “Hi, Maksim, this is Coach Burton of the Defenders. I’m here with your brother and our general manager,” Coach says. The GM leans in then. “Hi, Maks, I’m Marcus Turpin, the GM of the Defenders. We heard you might be looking for a new team.” “Uh, yeah,” Maks says. Both the GM and Coach look to Nicky. “How would you feel about joining me here in DC?” He asks. There is silence on the other end of the line. “Maks?” Finally Maks says, “Really?” Nicky feels himself smile. “Yeah, really. Kak v staryye vremena.” Like old times. “Yeah,” Maks says. Nicky can hear his brother’s emotions on the other end. “I would love to be a Defender.” The GM and Coach say a few more things and make arrangements to continue negotiations with Maks’s management. When Nicky gets to the car, he calls Maks again. “Sorry, I hope you didn’t feel like we were ambushing you,” Nicky says. He can hear Maks sniffle on the other end. “I know it’s not Ottawa but—“ “It’s better than Ottawa,” Maks says. “I get to play with my little brother and my best friend. What’s better than that?” Maks moves from Montreal to DC the next week. He rents Ben’s old apartment for the first few months until necessity requires him to find someplace bigger. He buys a fixer upper in the same neighborhood as Nicky. He hires Ben to remodel it for him. *** Fourth, Nicky proposes to Ben. It’s the 4th of July weekend and tourists have descended on DC. The whole city is chaotic. It’s hard to go anywhere; There’s zero parking anywhere. But Nicky has a plan. He and Ben invite the entire family to DC for the long weekend. Both his dads, the grandparents, Troy and Harris, Ella, Maks and his girlfriend, Nat and Ethan, Scott and Kip, and Gracie. He invites Oksana and Tati too but Oksana’s about 8 months pregnant and not sure about traveling. Irina comes though, with Dad and Papa. “Scott Hunter and Ilya Rozanov in the same house,” Ben groans. But Nicky is determined to make it work. They’re going to be family after all. They need to learn to get along. Nicky invites a few members of the team, as well as Travis, Vincent, and Lulu, to a barbecue on the 3rd. It’s all of the people they care about in one place. It’s nice too. Nicky’s main goal, however, is to get Scott and Kip alone to talk to them about proposing. He entrusts his dads to keep Ben occupied while he talks to Ben’s parents outside. “I want to ask Ben to marry me,” Nicky says. “I’m not necessarily asking permission because we’re grown men and it’s Ben’s decision to make. But I wanted you to know. And as much as I don’t want your permission, per se, I do want your approval.” Nicky watches Scott and Kip exchange a look. “I know there’s this thing between you and Papa, Mr. Hunter. I love Ben so much and there’s not a future I want that doesn’t have him in it.” When Scott turns back to look at Nicky, Nicky notices the tears in his eyes. “You’re a good man, Nikolai, and I would be proud to have you as my son-in-law. You don’t need our permission but you have our approval.” Then they both hug him. Kip AND Scott. He tries to think if he ever had a hug from Scott Hunter before. Even when he saw him for the first time after winning the Cup, it was a professional handshake. “You make our Benny so happy. How could we not approve?” Kip says when he hugs him. “I’m getting soft in my old age,” Scott says. “Don’t tell Rozanov I said that.” Nicky has usually always been in Canada for the 4th of July so he’s never actually celebrated it before. “You’re going to love it!” Ben promises. They find a spot near the Jefferson Memorial. Nicky sets up a few chairs and a blanket. “Is like Canada Day, no?” Papa says. “What do you do on Canada Day?” Kip asks. “Fireworks, cookouts,” Papa answers. “So it’s actually a lot like this,” Kip says. “I am missing poutine though,” Papa says. Nicky has to admit that it’s nice to sit here along the tidal basin with the memorial in view with a few thousand of their closest friends. It’s hot and he feels like he’s sweaty in every crevice of his body. There are also people that recognize him. Or his dads. Or Scott Hunter. Or Troy Barrett. Or Maks. They’re generally pretty kind about asking for autographs or pictures. They eat a very large amount of charcuterie while Nat and Ethan chase Irina around. She does cartwheels in the grass and makes Nat show her how to sign certain words. Nicky hopes this is what the future looks like for him and Ben. When the first of the fireworks start, Irina settles between the dads while Ethan and Nat cuddle near Troy and Harris. Nicky notices the way Ben’s eyes light up as the sky fills with the sparkles. Nicky has personally never seen the appeal of fireworks. Even for Canada Day or New Years. But he can see their beauty by the way Ben watches them. Nicky wipes his sweaty palms on his shorts and takes a deep breath before standing up. He reaches into the bag with all their things in it and pulls out the hidden velvet box. “Oh!” He hears his Dad say, which causes Ben to look over. Nicky takes another breath and smiles at Ben before getting down on one knee in front of him. Ben’s eyes are wide as Nicky starts to talk. “Remember that day I came to your office as a client to redo my house?” Nicky asks and Ben nods. “That was the best day of my life. I got to meet you again. Ben, you make me so happy, and when I look around and see our family here, I think this looks like a pretty amazing future. I love you so much and I don’t ever want to be anywhere without you by my side.” Nicky notices tears starting to fall down Ben’s cheeks and he takes a thumb to wipe them away. He opens the velvet box to show him the ring. It’s simple, a silver hammered metal design that reminded Nicky of a few of the things Ben has chosen for the new house. “Will you marry me?” “Yes,” Ben breathes out. “Yes!” Nicky slides the ring on Ben’s finger. “I love you,” Nicky says, wrapping his arms around Ben and pulling him close to him. “I love you too, so much,” Ben says. He kisses him hard on the lips. The fireworks are still going but there are so many eyes on them. When he looks up, Nicky can see that his dads are crying. Scott and Kip are crying. And then, the most unexpected thing happens. Ilya Rozanov walks across the blanket and wraps Scott Hunter in a hug. “I still think you are old but we will be family.” *** They plan to get married in October before the season starts. It’s a quick turn around, about three months, but they don’t want anything too elaborate. It’s mostly the guest list that makes it hard to find a venue. They plan to invite old teammates of their dads, as well as friends of Kips, some of Nicky’s present and past teammates. They get a special permit to have the ceremony at the Jefferson Memorial on the West Lawn. Then there will be dancing, dinner, and drinks at the Italian restaurant they went to on their first date. The dads and Maks are visiting when they are finalizing a few plans. Nicky asks Maks to be his best man, but he makes him a promise. “I’m not going to make you give a speech though. Your speech was great at Oksana’s wedding but I know you were super stressed about it and I don’t want to do that to you. So instead, Ben and I thought it might be cool if our dads gave speeches instead.” “You want me to give speech?” Papa asks. “Yeah, we thought you and Scott could just say a few words,” Nicky says. “Nothing big or formal.” Nicky watches his Papa’s face as he processes. Then he sees Papa frown. “Oh this is very bad,” he says, shaking his head. “Scott Hunter gives very good speeches! The speech he won for MVP after he won the Cup? Best speech.” Dad puts his hand on Papa’s back. “Do you want me to give the speech, Ilya?” Papa instantly looks taken aback. “What? No! Would be very boring. People would go to sleep.” “Jesus, thanks, Ilya. I love you too,’ Dad says while shaking his head. “Is okay, sweetheart,” Papa leans over and kisses his Dad’s hair. “There are other things you are good at.” *** After the ceremony, after the Chicken Parm and pasta, after a few dances, it’s time for the fathers of the groom's speeches. “How do we decide who goes first?” Scott asks. “We will go by the alphabet, yes?” Ilya answers. Scott clears his though and raises an eyebrow. “So I go first because Hunter comes before Rozanov.” “I meant first names,” Ilya says a little too quickly. “The fuck you did,” Scott says back a little too loudly. “Ilya comes before Scott. I go first, okay? Okay,” Ilya explains. Ilya picks up his champagne flute and taps it gently with his fork. He has successfully gained everyone’s attention and Nicky is a little worried about what is going to come out of Ilya Hollander-Rozanov’s mouth at the moment. “When Nicky was little, he used to ask me to tell him the story of how he came here. He would say, ‘Papa, tell me the story! It’s my favorite!’” Ilya smiled. “I told him a story about going to a land that was ruled by an evil king and how I had to sneak in to get him because I was different and the evil king didn’t like people who were different. How I took him to a magical place called the Canadian Embassy where they gave us special papers to come to Canada. And then me, Maks, and Nicky flew home to be with Daddy and Anya.” He reaches for Shane’s hand. “The truth was much darker than the story I told him. I didn’t tell him about the customs agent at the airport who searched me after he saw my name on my passport. Or the fear I felt at the police station, where I was sure I would be arrested for loving a man. I didn’t tell him that I cried when I got to the Canadian embassy because I knew I was safe. I knew they were safe.” He pauses for a moment. “I would live every moment of fear I ever felt in Russia over again just to give my children this life. To be able to love who they want. To be here with my son and his husband.” Papa wipes his eyes then kisses his dad’s hand. “Everyone also knows that I do not particularly like Scott Hunter. He is old and slow and not good at hockey.” “Alright, Rozanov, we get it,” Scott almost seems to growl. “But,” Papa interrupts. “He raised a very good boy who I am happy loves our Nikolai. Ben, we are so happy you are part of our family. *** Like everything in their relationship, they don’t wait to start a family. A year later, their son, David George Grady is born via surrogate on a sunny day in Baltimore, Maryland. He’s born with a dimple in his chin and dark hair. His first and middle name come from his two great- grandfathers. But their son’s last name is a point of contention in the whole family. For everyone except Nicky and Ben. There is no pressure with the name Grady, no hockey legacy to live up too. David Grady can be whatever he wants to be. “It’s kind of nice just us here, isn’t it?” Ben says. They are trying to soak up the last few minutes of time alone as a family of three before the grandfather brigade descends on them. “It is,” Nicky is holding David and rocking him. “But you know it won’t last long.” They’ve done the skin-to-skin time. And Maks had visited earlier before he had to go home to his own family. But both Nicky and Ben know that the grandfathers will bring their own kind of chaos. There’s a commotion at the hospital as the elevator doors open down the hall and Scott Hunter and Ilya Rozanov push their way through. Nicky and Ben hear it before they see it. “I should hold him first. I have experience,” Ilya says. “It’s not like I’ve never held a fucking baby before, Rozanov. You make it sound like I’ll drop him,” Scott retorts. “You do have shitty hands,” Ilya says back. Kip steps in then. “Actually, Grumps and Gramps are going to hold him first.” Then there are four grandfathers standing in the doorway staring at the family in front of them. Papa has a giant teddy bear in his arms while Kip is holding a bouquet of flowers. “Come meet your grandson,” Ben says. They all walk forward. Kip puts the flowers on a table and Nicky stands from the chair. He sees Papa put the teddy bear on the bed. “Alright, Gramps,” Nicky very gently transfers the newborn to his grandfather’s arms. Kip starts to tear up as he snuggles David. “Did you ever think when you kissed me on the ice that one day we would be standing in a hospital room holding our grandson?” Kip asks Scott who is standing behind him, looking over his shoulder at a sleeping David. Nicky watches Scott sniffs and runs his finger over the baby’s cheek. “I don’t know that I had ever let myself hope I could have a life like this,” Scott says. “And I am here too,” Papa says looking over the other shoulder. Scott chuckles but looks at Nicky. “And you’re here too and we’re all family.” Dad leans down in front of Kip and kisses David on the forehead. “Welcome to the family, David George Grady. This family may be a little crazy but you will always be loved.”

End Notes

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