Chapter 1
Chapter Notes
This fic starts just after Shane and Ilya's wedding, when it finally hits Hayden that Shane really is leaving the Voyageurs. “Fuuuuck,” moaned Hayden as he rocked back and forth on the sofa, head between his knees and hands clutching his hair. “Jacks, this is all my fault!” Jackie rubbed a consoling hand over her husband’s back. “You know that’s not true, babe, they don’t blame you.” “I blame me,” came Hayden’s muffled voice as he pressed his face into his thigh. “I should have checked that fucking video before sending it. My best friend left the team, and it’s my fault.” Jackie scoffed. “There are a lot of people to blame for Shane leaving the Voyageurs, but you aren’t one of them.” “Oh yeah?” asked Hayden, voice uncharacteristically harsh. “Who?” “Coach, for starters. Pretty much every other player on the team. The Commissioner. And…” Jackie paused, lip curling, “you know who is the most to blame for this?” Something in her voice caught her husband’s attention, because he looked up, blinking tears out of his red rimmed eyes. “Who?” he asked. The slight break in his voice was the last straw for Jackie. She famously did not have much of a temper, but right now, having watched two of her best friends outed against their will, the absolute shitshow of a fallout for Shane, and seeing her husband beat himself up about it for months, something snapped inside her and she was ready to do battle. “Fucking Brad.” *** MV WAGs
Ladies. I need your help with something. It might not be fully legal.
Kira: Ooooh, exciting.
Jasmine: Count me in.
Karen: What?
Kira: Need some help burying a body, Jacks? I've got a shovel in the trunk.
Jasmine: How many shovels do we need?
No shovels, no bodies and we aren't killing anyone! Kira: Disappointing, but okay.
Laura: I'm in.
Karen: What are you talking about?
Rina: I'm in! Whatever you need, Jacks!
Fleur: I don't want to know.
Okay, don't worry then! Jasmine: !!! Jackie Pike, you CANNOT do this to me!
Chapter 2
Chapter Summary Jackie creates a new group chat for the WAGs willing to help. Jackie Pike added Kira, Rina, Jasmine and Laura to the chat. WAGs Operation FAFO
Okay, I’ve set up a new group.
Welcome to operation Fuck Around and Find Out!
So, ladies. We need to do something about Brad.
Rina: Brad?
Jasmine: You mean the guy who posted Hayden’s video?
Laura: What a piece of shit.
Kira: Yeah, wankstain.
Yes, that piece of shit wankstain.
Rina: I love it when Jacks swears.
Kira: Swear jar!
Okay, so this can't go any further than us. Agreed?
Rina: Of course!
Kira: Duh.
Laura: What do you take us for?
Jasmine: Agreed.
So I miiiight have gone onto Hayden’s phone.
And pulled Brad's info from the FanMail request.
Jasmine: Love it.
Laura: Naughty
I know, but that little shit hurt people I love. We can’t stand for it.
Rina: Yeah I completely agree. Shane deserved better than that.
Ilya did too.
Laura: I can agree that Shane deserved better.
Not good enough.
Ilya is a sweetheart.
If we are doing this, you need to understand that I love them BOTH. Rina: But… It's Rozanov 😭
Jasmine: I always thought he seemed decent.
Laura: You can't be serious! He's, like, the most annoying person in the league.
Jasmine: But he has lines he won’t cross. He talks shit, but he’s never cruel. I respect that.
Rina: You know what, that’s true. I suppose we get why he never used slurs now, though?
He never uses slurs because he is an absolute teddy bear of a man who is better than that. Kira: Sorry, had to take a call. I agree with Jas, he’s a menace but also a decent guy.
Kira: You should have seen him playing with the kids at their wedding, so fucking cute. Even JJ thought so.
I honestly think he might be the twins’ favourite person. I’d be mad about it, but it’s hard to be when he’s so good with them. Rina: And he likes dogs. Did you guys see those Christmas shots the Centaurs had with him and Barrett and the dog? 🔥🔥🔥
Jasmine: HA it didn’t take long for you to change your tune, Ri!
Rina: I love Jacks, Jacks loves him. Shane is a sweetheart, and Shane loves him. That’s enough to give Rozanov the benefit of the doubt.
Laura: Fine, agreed. I still think he’s annoying, though.
Oh, he definitely is. But it’s endearing once you get to know him. Mostly. Rina: I bet Hayd loves you coming to Roz’s defence!
He hated it at first, but now he’d be first in line to back me up. Laura: Yes, because he loves you.
And Shane. And I’m pretty sure he loves Ilya, too. Just a little bit. Kira: Okay, so we all love Rozanov. Wasn’t on my bingo card for this year, but nevermind. What’s the plan?
I couldn’t get much from the FanMail account, but I did get a full name. So I thought we could start there? Kira: And, when you say “start”, we definitely aren’t allowed to kill him?
No, we do not condone murder here. Laura: Boring!
Rina: Wait, before we get started, did anyone see Brad’s original tweet?
Yes 😡 Rina: So he definitely knew what he was doing? It was deliberate?
Yes, he was gloating about it. A homophobic douchebag. Rina: Okay, fuck that guy. Don’t suppose anyone has his twitter handle by any chance?
It’s VoyageurBrad97 Are you going to follow him? Kira: She's going to stalk him.
Rina: Give me an hour. We won't even need anything from the FanMail account.
Laura: Brad's not going to know what hit him.
Kira: Good. I thought after Hunter came out things would get better.
Jasmine: Things are a little better, I think. Change takes time.
And real change will take a new Commissioner. Kira: Yeah, that guy is an asshole.
Kira: JJ shared a few of Barret’s posts about victims of SA getting help, and Coach told him to stop. Apparently the order came from the Commissioner. So messed up.
Jasmine: Perhaps that can be Operation FAFO 2.0 - Commissioner Crowell.
I wish. We can’t do that to the boys, though. Jasmine: No, you’re right. Still, nice to think about.
Rina: Ladies, man your stations. I’ve got what we need.
That was quick! Rina: Well, Brad was too focused on being a world class douchebag to think much about internet safety.
Laura: Classic Brad.
Kira: Fucking Brad!
Rina: So I’ve got a load of info. Depends how hard we want to hit, but with what I’ve got I reckon we can pull anything from mild inconvenience to making the little shit stain wish he had never been born.
Remind me never to get on your bad side, Ri! Rina: You could never 😘
Kira: Fuck him up, fuck him up, fuck him up!
Laura: I'm with Kira!
How about we start with mild inconvenience and take it from there? We can always escalate if we need to, but we can’t take anything back once we’ve done it. Kira: Like killing him.
For the last time, we are not killing him. Kira: Okay mom.
Rina: So I shouldn't give Rozanov Brad's address?
NO! This is just for us. I don't want the boys to worry. Rina: I was kidding. Mostly.
Rina: So, I’ve got his home address, mobile phone number and email address to start off with.
Okay ladies! Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to sign Brad up to at least two annoying spammy things and report back next week. Laura: Annoying spammy things, got it!
Jasmine: ON IT!
Jasmine: And nice work Ri!
Kira: Yeah, nice work Ri. Operation Fuck Around and Find Out is live!
Chapter 3
Chapter Summary One week later, the WAGs catch up on Operation FAFO. WAGs Operation FAFO
Morning! It’s check in day! How’s Operation FAFO going?
Kira: I went off piste a bit, but I think you’ll be happy with the results.
Lol of course you did. You didn’t kill him, did you?
Kira: Lol.
Kira!
Kira: Of course I didn’t kill him!
Kira: But I did spend one afternoon last week visiting the men’s room of every gas station I could get to and writing Brad’s number with the caption “text me a picture of your poop” 💩
Kira: Probably doesn’t technically count as signing him up for anything, but hopefully the results will be… explosive 😈
No, that's... perfect!
Rina: Fucking Diabolical, I love it!
Laura: Now I’m embarrassed at mine. Nowhere near as good as Kira’s!
Jasmine: Me too! Going to have to up my game!
Rina: We all have to up our game! I spent last night going through everything I can find about him, and the guy is an absolute wanker.
Rina: Claims to be a lifelong Voyageurs fan, but no true fan would do their captain dirty like that. But despite being a supposed Voyageurs fan, he follows Dallas fucking Kent on every social media he’s got, and has been quite outspoken in his defence of that fucking predator.
Laura: Ok that settles it, Brad’s going down. No more mild inconvenience. Let’s make the fucker pay!
What's everyone done so far?
Jasmine: I contacted several realtors on his behalf, asking for home valuations.
Nice work, his phone will be ringing off the hook!
Laura: Okay, I know mine is juvenile but I couldn’t resist. I signed him up for information on penis enlargement, but put his neighbour’s house number instead of his.
LOL
Jasmine: Hahahaha
Rina: Nice work Loz!
Kira: 🤣🤣🤣
Laura: It was stupid, but I couldn’t think of much.
Rina: I fell down a Brad stalking rabbit hole and ran out of time, so just signed him up to a bunch of horoscope alerts. Sorry!
Girl, don’t you dare apologise! You have been the MVP of this operation so far!
Okay, so I registered his interest in treatment for baldness and donated to some LGBTQIA+ charities in his name.
Rina: This has been an excellent start!
Laura: Go team FAFO!
Jasmine: I’d almost feel sorry for Brad, if he wasn’t such a dick. Same time next week?
Chapter 4
Chapter Summary The next weekly catch up. WAGs Operation FAFO
Laura: How are we feeling today ladies?
Rina: Feeling like we make Brad PAY!
Jasmine: Yeah I was thinking about this last night, like what if Roz had been kicked out of the league and had to go back to Russia! He could have ended up in jail!
Kira: Or worse…
Brad is the worst, that’s why we’re doing this.
Jasmine: Yeah but, fucking hell, like if things had been different that could actually have happened to him! I’m glad he’s ok.
The Centaurs are cool, thankfully.
Laura: Blasphemy!
Truth. And are you honestly happy with the Voyageurs at the moment?
Laura: No, but still feels wrong to praise another team.
Kira: ANYWAY. Roz is fine, happily married to the love of his life, so let’s get back to ruining Brad’s life.
Jasmine: Agreed. Make the fucker pay.
Kira: Sooooo I bought a bunch of keys off of Etsy.
Um, cool?
Kira: It IS cool, thanks for noticing!
Rina: Okay, I’ll be the one to ask - Kira, why did you buy a bunch of keys off of Etsy?
Kira: I'm so glad you asked, Ri!
Kira: I also bought a bunch of keyrings and tags, you know the ones people use to write their phone number on in case they lose their keys?
Rina: Oh I love this!
Jasmine: I see where this is going.
Laura: BRUTAL.
Kira, you and Rina are like the revenge dream team!
Kira: Thanks for giving us a way to channel our villain energy, Jacks!
Laura: HEY! Brad is the villain here, this vigilante justice!
Rina: GUYS! He’s just posted a tweet and I am DYING!
Rina: “Ok who the fuck keeps sending me pictures of shit. And also WHY?”
Rina: 🤣🤣🤣💩💩💩
Rina: Kira, your hard work paid off!
OMG!!!
Laura: That is hilarious!
Jasmine: Nice work, K!
Kira: YES! EAT SHIT, BRAD!
I fear we might have unlocked something in Kira.
Chapter 5
Chapter Summary A few days later. WAGs Operation FAFO
Rina: OMG have you seen the pic Roz just posted of their honeymoon? They are the absolute fucking cutest!
Kira: Yeah, those two in Ibiza… 🫠🔥
Rina: Don’t let JJ hear you say that.
Kira: I said it to him first. He was thrilled.
Rina: 🤣🤣🤣
Laura: Rina, do you know where he works?
Rina: JJ? Are you okay Loz?
Laura: Fucking Brad, not JJ!
Rina: Of course I know where he works. I know Brad better than Brad’s mother knows Brad.
Laura: So I’ve gone back through his socials and I have a LOT of screenshots. Just wondering if we think his employers might be interested in what a homophobic, misogynistic piece of shit he is?
Jasmine: Hmmmmm.
Laura: Hmmmmm?
Jasmine: I just wonder if that’s going a bit too far?
Rina: Not sure if there is a ‘too far’ when it comes to Brad.
Rina: No, Kira, that doesn’t mean we are going to kill him.
Kira: TRAITOR!
Rina: 🤣🤣🤣
I do think that’s maybe going a bit far?
Laura: It’s literally just stuff he posted himself. If he gets in trouble for it, I don’t see how that’s on anyone other than him?
Rina: Loz is right.
Kira: Yeah, I'm with Loz and Ri!
Jasmine: Well, I’m with Jackie. I think he deserves it, but do we want to do that? And also it would leave a trail back to us, with someone actually contacting his employer.
Rina: Damn, that's a good point.
Laura: Shit, I hadn't thought about that.
I’ve just registered his interest in finding a new job with a bunch of recruitment agencies. Got my inspiration from you, Loz!
Laura: Haha, love it!
Chapter 6
Chapter Summary A week later. WAGs Operation FAFO
Rina: LADIES!!!
Rina: I think we broke Brad 🤣
In a good way, or…?
Rina: In the BEST way!
Rina: He posted a video and he was fucking CRYING about how someone has leaked his private information online and what a violation that is.
Kira: FUCKING HYPOCRITE!
Rina: He is getting ROASTED in the comments.
Rina: How do you like internet fame now, Brad?
Laura: So people are calling him out for hypocrisy in the comments?
Rina: Yep! It’s beautiful!
I found the video!
Oh dear, Brad. The point was RIGHT THERE and you still missed it.
Laura: Yeah, maybe having thousands of people point it out to him will get it through his thick skull. But it’s Brad, so who knows.
Rina: Fucking Brad!
Rina: Also, did you guys see the picture Shane posted of Roz video calling Anya from Spain? The way I MELTED 🫠🫠🫠
That is the luckiest dog in the world right there.
Kira: Adorable.
Laura: I just saw, omg!
Laura: FFS.
Jasmine: Just catching up on the chat, but I think I know Loz's problem.
Laura: You say it. I don't want to.
Jasmine: Hahahaha
Jasmine: She likes Rozanov!
Laura: 😭😭😭 IT WAS ONLY A MATTER OF TIME!
Rina: Too charming to resist!
Jasmine: 😍😍😍
Omg Harris has entered the chat!
Jasmine: This chat? Who is Harris?
The Centaurs' social media guy! He's commented on the video!
I have neither the time nor the crayons necessary to explain the point to you, Brad
Jasmine: What a legend!
Rina: I hope Brad gets it soon, or I'm going nuclear!
Kira: I'm scared and a bit turned on.
KIRA!
Kira: 🤣 sorry mom!
Jasmine: Do we even want to know what nuclear means?
Rina: 😈😈😈
Chapter 7
Chapter Summary A few days later. WAGs Operation FAFO
I was thinking Operation FAFO should probably end either with the start of next season or whenever Brad finds a shred of decency and apologises. Or at least deletes Hayd’s video.
Laura: I would say I’m surprised it’s still up there, but I feel like we’ve all got to know Brad pretty well over the past few weeks so I’m not surprised at all.
Jasmine: Okay, can I say something a bit terrible?
This is a safe space.
Jasmine: I much prefer this chat to the main WAG chat.
Kira: ME TOO!
Rina: It’s because there are no homophobes or homophobe enablers here.
Laura: Amen!
I'm glad someone said it. I can’t stand talking to some of the others at the moment.
Hayd is dreading the start of the season.
Kira: JJ is, too. Gonna be so weird for them without Shane.
Jasmine: Shane deserved so much better from that team.
Rina: 😭😭😭
He’ll love the Centaurs. I have such a good feeling about this for him.
It's gonna suck for the Voyageurs, though!
Laura: The Centaurs are going to win the fucking cup aren’t they?
Jasmine: You know it’s bad luck to say that, right?
Laura: You know what else is bad luck? Being such a bunch of childish, homophobic pricks that they pushed their best player to a rival team.
Kira: A team that ALREADY had Ilya Rozanov.
I do think they are going to be unstoppable with both Ilya and Shane.
Rina: So, are we agreed, we’ll keep this chat as our main one even once Brad apologises?
Kira: You seem certain he will apologise, so I’m very excited. Is it time to go nuclear?
Rina: 😈😈😈
Jasmine: I’m scared to ask, but we have to know.
Rina: I’m gonna need Jackie for this.
Anything you need!
Kira: IS IT FINALLY TIME TO KILL HIM?
Rina: Killing him would be a kindness that Brad does not deserve.
Kira: That's hot.
What do you need?
Rina: Please send me Yuna's email address.
YOU’RE GOING TO SET YUNA HOLLANDER ON HIM?!
Rina: Damn right I am, that woman has made professional hockey players weep. Brad won’t stand a chance!
Kira: Probably would have been kinder to give Rozanov his address.
Rina: Yep.
Laura: Fucking brutal, I love it!
Jasmine: Oh Brad is going to rue the day he used up his only brain cell to work out how to use the internet.
Kira: Momma bear gonna defend her cub!
Cubs plural, she adores Ilya.
Rina: Brad fucked around.
Now he’s going to find out!
Chapter 8
Chapter Summary Two days later.
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes “Anya! My sweet girl, I missed you so much!” Ilya dropped his bag and scooped the little dog into his arms. He mumbled happily to her in Russian for a few moments as she licked his face, before beaming at his in-laws who were standing in the hallway. “And hello my favourite Hollanders!” he said, which Yuna and David took as their cue to pull him into tight hugs, getting their own kisses from Anya for their troubles. “I’m your husband, asshole!” grumbled Shane as he shut the front door to their Ottawa home. “Are you?” asked Ilya, rolling his eyes before grinning at his husband. “And yet still you are my third favourite Hollander. This is so sad for you.” Shane huffed, but it was his turn to be hugged by his parents so his response got lost in the general chaos of returning home from a trip. “How was Spain?” asked Yuna once they were all seated around the kitchen table. “Yuna, they just got home from their honeymoon! We should get going-” “Oh don’t be ridiculous, David! We won’t be long.” Ilya smiled. He loved how comfortable Yuna and David were in his and Shane’s home, and how completely they had welcomed him into their family. Two weeks alone with Shane in Spain had been incredible, but he treasured this almost as much. The family he had always wanted and still couldn’t quite believe he had found. “You guys can stay as long as you like, it’s the least we can do after you picked Anya up for us!” said Shane. “Yes, thank you!” agreed Ilya. It had been David’s suggestion to have her already home when they arrived, knowing how badly Ilya (and Shane, although he was less vocal about it) had missed their sweet girl. “And Spain was amazing, Yuna. Even Hunter’s recommendations were not terrible!” “You loved every place Scott suggested, don’t pretend otherwise!” said Shane, smiling fondly at him. “Eh, was okay.” “I’m glad you boys had fun, you deserve it!” said David, swallowing the last of his ginger ale before standing and giving Yuna a look that clearly told her they should leave. Yuna, however, had other ideas. “I’ve got something to show you,” she said, pulling out her phone and tapping a few times on the screen. Ilya looked questioningly at Shane, who shrugged. “It is too little, too late, but I thought you might like to see it all the same,” Yuna said as she passed the phone to Shane. Ilya rested his chin on his husband’s shoulder and watched as a young man’s ashen face filled the screen. “Who is this?” Ilya asked, frowning slightly at the sight of someone clearly in distress. “A young man who has learned the error of his ways,” replied Yuna, with a tiny smirk. After 63 seconds of a tearful, and embarrassingly shit, apology video Ilya sat up and turned to Shane. His husband was already looking at him, face scrunched in confusion which made his freckles bunch together. They had been darkened by the sun, and Ilya was once again stunned that this beautiful man was his. “What the…” Shane said, and Ilya briefly wondered what he was talking about. Oh, right. Fucking Brad. “That was…” said Ilya. “Weird, right?” frowned Shane. Ilya had, frankly, forgotten that Brad existed. He still hated the little fucker for the pain he had caused Shane, but given how perfect Ilya’s life was he was struggling to summon any real emotion towards the guy, “It’s weird, but I’m glad he apologised,” Shane continued, face still scrunched in an adorable frown. “I mean, it all turned out for the best, but I’m glad he has acknowledged it was a shitty thing to do. And that he deleted that video. I know it’s still out there, but he’s not getting attention for it anymore.” “Me too,” agreed Ilya, mostly because anything that made Shane happy made him happy. Especially now they would both be playing for the Centaurs. Ilya still got a little thrill of excitement every time he thought about it, and couldn’t wait for the season to start. “Well, we’ll be getting out of your way now,” said Yuna, as though David hadn’t already suggested the same thing twice. Over her shoulder, David rolled his eyes and got back to his feet. “We love you guys, see you next weekend for Sunday lunch!” called David, as he chivvied his wife into the hall. “See you later,” called Ilya, as Shane waved vaguely in the direction of the front door, mind still clearly stuck on the video. As the door shut, Ilya cupped Shane’s face in his hands, running his thumbs over his freckles. “Hey. Are you okay?” Shane let out a short breath. “Yes, I think so. It’s just… I had kind of forgotten he existed, you know?” Ilya smiled. “Yes, I know exactly. Who cares about him?” “It’s weird though. He posted that video months ago, so what changed his mind?” Ilya couldn’t care less. Right now, all he wanted to do was to get the dirty clothes into the laundry (because Shane would start thinking about that sort of thing in approximately three seconds), brush their teeth (because after a long journey Shane would probably insist on that before he could kiss him) and take his husband to bed (because he was married to the most beautiful man in the world, so who could blame him). “It does not matter, moy kotyonok. What matters is that you are mine, and I love you. You know who does not matter?” Ilya asked, standing and pulling Shane to his feet. Shane let out a little laugh before answering. “Fucking Brad.”
Chapter End Notes
I couldn't resist a little scene with our boys! Thank you for reading this deeply silly fic - I hope you enjoyed it! Everyone needs a group of unhinged women on their team, and since the Voyageurs were so disappointingly shit to Shane I thought there was no one better to fight for him and Ilya than the WAGs! Please drop by the Archive and comment to let the creator know if you enjoyed their work!