Rating:

Mature

Archive Warning:

Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings

Category:

M/M

Fandoms:

Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid, Heated Rivalry (TV)

Relationships:

Shane Hollander/Ilya Rozanov, Troy Barrett/Harris Drover

Characters:

Shane Hollander, Ilya Rozanov, Troy Barrett, Harris Drover, Wyatt Hayes, Zane Boodram, Luca Haas, Evan Dykstra, let's be honest i don’t care about the other centaurs i'm sorry to those men, Yuna Hollander, David Hollander, Hayden Pike, Scott Hunter (Game Changers), Galina Molchalina, Brandon Wiebe, Rose Landry, Jackie Pike, 30 chapters later ok i guess i care about the other centaurs now

Additional Tags:

Post-Book 6: The Long Game (Game Changers), Spoilers for Book 6: The Long Game (Game Changers), Fluff, Post-Canon, Canon Compliant, Social Media, starts off silly and gets soft in the later chapters just trust the process, Ottawa Centaurs (Game Changers)

Language:

English

Stats:

Published: 2024-10-20 Completed: 2026-02-07 Words: 48,507 Chapters: 43/43

Question of the Day

Summary

Harris launches a new series for the Centaurs' social media: having the team answer his question of the day!

This follows the season after The Long Game, when Shane joins the team on their road to the Stanley Cup, as they answer questions like who's the hottest/funniest/most perceptive Centaur, different preferences, rituals, and more.

Chapter 1: Who's going to score the first goal of the season?

Harris made some last minute adjustments to his tripod, making sure to get the angle right, then clapped his hands in satisfaction.

“Okay. Perfect!”

“Can I come back now?” Troy half-yelled from 12 feet away, where he was being a very good test subject.

“Not yet! Let me get your response first! Actually, come closer! Pretend you’re really walking on the ice for warm-ups.”

A smile tugged at Troy’s lips. “I am really walking on the ice for warm-ups.”

“You know what I mean! Okay, I’m hitting record.”

From behind the tripod, Harris called out, “Troy! Welcome back! Who’s going to score the first goal of the season?”

Before Troy could answer, a booming Russian accent resounded through the hallway of the arena.

“Harris! You cannot start without me! I am the captain! I must introduce the video!” Ilya exclaimed dramatically.

“Ilya! Hold on.” Harris stopped recording, and Troy shuffled past his captain towards his boyfriend, hovering closely behind him to “look at the monitor”. When he tucked his chin over Harris’ shoulder, that was where Harris drew the line. “No, no, no. You can’t be cute right now. I have to record this before your game tonight. I’m not missing anyone just because you’re being all cuddly.”

“Fine.” Troy sighed, burying his face further into Harris’ neck in a flagrant disregard for his own words. He pulled him in close by the waist so Harris’ back was flush against him for a tender hug. “I’ll leave you alone.”

“Love you.” Harris kissed him on the cheek. “Now get back over there.”

***

Harris excelled at his job, and tonight, he was especially proud of himself. And Troy, of course. And all of the Centaurs. But still. Harris had perfectly timed the release of his first Question of the Day video. During the games, Harris always had to work. With so many games in a season, he had to made content in real time. The fans wanted to know what was happening AS it was happening.

Which meant that when the first goal of the Centaurs’ season was scored, Harris had already completed 90% of the video. He posted the footage within a half hour of the first goal, and the fans were already engaging with it like crazy.

With Troy passed out next to him after a thoroughly pleasing night of celebrating the Centaurs’ win, Harris watched it one more time.

***

Ilya Rozanov holds up a paper sign to the camera reading: “QUESTION OF THE DAY”

Cut.

The rest of the players shuffle out from the locker room onto the ice, carefully walking on their skates and shouting their answers.

Cut.

Cut.

Cut.

Shane hurries past, focused on the ice.

Shane’s eyes dart around awkwardly.

Cut.

The kids shuffle by together, all yelling at once.

Cut.

Cut.

Cut.

Smash footage of the game as Ilya Rozanov makes a last minute pass to Luca Haas, who drills it into the net.

Text surges across the video: LET’S GO LUCA!

Chapter 2: Hottest Centaur?

Question of the Day! Who’s the hottest player on the Centaurs?

The Centaurs make their way from the locker room to the ice, passing their dutiful social media manager Harris as he records another video. Shane Hollander is the first on the ice that morning, arriving alone.

Shane looks up in surprise, before blushing and shaking his head.

Shane rolls his eyes towards the ceiling of the area and lets out a sigh, like it physically pains him to say this.

He skates away to the sound of Harris’ laughter, grimacing.

Cut.

Cut.

Cut.

Troy’s face is far too close to the camera and he seems unaware that he’s being filmed.

Cut.

Troy stands further back, a pained expression on his face.

Cut.

Luca Haas hovers awkwardly in the aisle of the arena, his eyes locked on the ice.

He quickly skates away, cheeks pink.

Cut.

Cut.

Ilya Rozanoff stands centered, letting a lazy, sexy grin take over his face.

Ilya turns towards the ice, eyes twinkling with mischief.

He takes a deep breath, already smirking.

Cut.

Ilya smirks as he holds a sweaty, squirming, pink-faced Shane Hollander under his arm. Shane looks like an angry cat trying to get away from its owner while Ilya takes on a particularly mocking tone.

Shane continues trying to wrestle out of Ilya’s grip, annoyance evident in his face, but Ilya only pulls him in tighter, smacking repeated kisses on the side of his face.

The video cuts to black and white as the frame zooms in on Shane’s irritated face right as he shoves his husband. Harris chooses to freeze-frame on Shane’s exasperation right in that moment for the final title.

SHANE HOLLANDER: HOTTEST MAN IN THE NHL!

Chapter 3: Favorite Taylor Swift song?

Question of the Day! What’s your favorite Taylor Swift song?

Even though it was an away game, the Centaurs were keeping up their ritual of doing #QOTD before warm-ups.

At this point, some of the players were starting to believe it was an important game day ritual, which Harris really didn’t want to think about. He had enough on his plate without becoming a human playoff beard.

But still, he was proud of the series. It had taken off so much more quickly than he thought it would, and the fans loved getting to see more of the players’ personalities.

With the power of a peppermint mocha, 2 cake pops, and Troy on his side, Harris and his tripod were fully set up and ready to go by the time the early birds start filtering into the arena.

***

Troy scratches the back of his head.

Cut.

Thirty minutes before they're supposed to be there, Ilya Rozanov and Shane Hollander enter the arena together, hunched over in conversation.

Shane elbows him.

Harris’ gasp is audible in the video as he marvels at Shane’s ability to call Taylor Swift “new music.”

Ilya however, looks like he wants to eat Shane alive. The adoration in his eyes is so palpable that Harris almost stops filming, fully aware that Shane would hate having this be so public.

Ilya begins laughing as Shane bites his lip in determined concentration.

Harris watches as Ilya’s eyes widen, opening his mouth into an evil grin. With no doubt in Harris’ mind that this video is about to devolve into marital bickering, he cuts it off before this thing goes off the rails.

He winks as he says it, causing Shane to turn beet red and immediately beeline onto the ice, away from this whole situation.

Cut.

He points directly at the camera in a show of faux aggression before skating away.

Cut.

He laughs as he does finger guns.

Cut.

Harris sounds impressed, and Dykstra smiles widely as he exits.

Cut.

Luca Haas rushes by the camera quickly. He hadn’t seemed to warmed to the #QOTD the way some of the more outgoing players had, but his nervousness at being on camera was so cute that he’d started accumulating a little fan club.

Luca barely looks up, quickly murmuring his answer and making an escape.

Harris lets out a small squeal and yells after his retreating frame.

Luca skates away.

Cut.

Cut.

Cut.

The footage flashes to the rink as the team does laps and loosens their muscles. The camera angle does an almost panicked zoom to capture their warmups.

Ilya Rozanov appears to be leading Chouinard and Boyle in singing the chorus of Taylor Swift’s “Love Story”. He obnoxiously serenades a grinning Shane Hollander, who looked equal parts admonishing and charmed.

A freeze frame of the four of them shows Chouinard and Boyle with their mouths wide open in song, faces scrunched in commitment to the bit. Ilya’s mouth, though open, seems to be wolfishly grinning at Shane. Shane’s nose crinkles as he laughs, mouth wide and joyful.

Over the freeze frame, a title drops down as the music begins to play: Romeo, take me…

The Centaurs’ favorite Taylor Swift song is Love Story (Ilya’s Version)! Ottawa vs Nashville game tonight at 7 CT!

Chapter 4: Can you say something in a foreign language?

“My French sucks.”

“Aww. Don’t worry about it! It’s cute that your French sucks!”

“I can’t have shitty French representing Ottawa. They’re going to like, think I’m disrespecting the team or something.”

“The whole thing is supposed to be light and silly!” Harris pulled Troy in by the fabric of his jersey. “Plus, you’re a fan favorite now. You can do no wrong.”

Troy blushed at the ground, biting back a grin. That was new for him. Having fans that actually liked him as a person, instead of just valuing him for his goal-scoring. He still wasn’t going out of his way to read any comments, but Harris showed him them anyways, and it didn’t exactly hurt his ego to know that there were Centaurs fans out there who thought he was the cutest.

“Do I have to go first again?”

“It’s not my fault you’re always first! You insisted on coming with me for setup, and we both know that you would’ve been first on the ice anyways!” Harris waved his hands with a flourish.

“Hollander beats me here when Ilya has captain meetings and they drive separately.”

“Well, it looks like they don’t have a captain meeting today. So you’re up, hot stuff.”

***

Question of the Day! Can you say something in a foreign language?

Troy stands at an awkward distance from the camera and speaks with visible determination:

Troy smiles shyly past the camera. A harsh cut as Harris slams stop on the record button, all too aware that he's probably just made thousands of people fall in love with his boyfriend.

Cut.

Ilya speaks so quickly and passionately in Russian that Harris can't translate for the captioning, though Russian speakers later sort it out in Reddit forum.

Behind him, Shane’s ears perk up in recognition of about 10% of the words in Ilya’s answer, but he seems oblivious.

Shane claps his hands together, eager to skate, but Ilya paws at him.

Shane’s nostrils flare at Ilya’s sentence, but he turns to the camera and speaks in a hesitant accent — a sharp turn from his perfectly accented French.

Shane glares as he skates away, but Ilya only waggles his eyebrows.

Cut.

Cut.

Cut.

Cut.

Cut.

The rest filter in at the last minute, all rolling through one shot.

Cut.

Footage shows the back of Shane Hollander grumbling as he skates next to Ilya Rozanov.

The title dropped:
The Centaurs passed the bilingual test!
Ottawa vs Montréal game tonight at 7 CT!

Les Centaurs ont réussi le test de bilingue !
Ottawa vs Montréal ce soir à 7 CT!

Chapter 5: Which Centaur has the best rizz?

Chapter Notes

Question of the Day! Which of the Centaurs has the most rizz?

Ilya Rozanov and Shane Hollander make their way from the locker room to the ice, trailed by the rest of the team.

Cut.

Shane sighs heavily, then holds up his left hand with just his ring finger pointed up, mimicking giving his husband the finger as he showcases his wedding band.

Cut.

Cut.

Cut.

Cut.

Cut.

Cut.

Ilya bounds into the frame, leaving the arena to crash Troy’s answer, exaggerated offense on his face.

The camera stops Ilya mid-sentence as Harris giggles, Troy beginning to turn miserably pink.

Cut.

Luca Haas tries to pass the camera as quickly as possibly, but Harris is quicker.

Luca looks out on the ice at his teammates skating and makes a decision.

Cut.

Cut.

Bood looks confused by the question.

Cut.

Harris secretly records as the team discusses their answers on the ice.

Shane grumbled.

In the middle of giving Shane a condescending pat on the shoulder, Ilya catches Harris’ eye surreptitiously filming, and makes sure to speak loudly as he smiles to the camera.

ILYA ROZANOV: BRINGING THE HEAT TO THE PHOENIX HEATWAVE TONIGHT AT 7 PM ET!

Chapter End Notes

Let's be honest though, Shane does not know the word "rizz".

----
UPDATE: I added a chapter of Shane learning about rizz lmao

Chapter 6: Say Something Nice to the Player Behind You

The team was in dire spirits. Yesterday’s loss in Toronto had left a bitter taste, and the players’ sour faces had yet to reset as Harris watched them arrive at the arena.

Technically, he’d planned to have the players list off their favorite snack foods, but this might be exactly what they needed.

***
Question of the Day: Say Something Nice to the Player Behind You!

There’s a break in the chain as the rest of the players remain in the locker room. Unfortunately for Luca, Ilya rounds the corner.

Luca turns away as quickly as possible and skates away.

Luca skates away, flushed and biting back a smile, just in time for Shane to appear in the hallway.

Shane moves to skate away but Harris stops him.

Shane turns around ready to glare at his husband, only to find that he’s blocking someone’s path -- Chouinard.

BE NICE TO SOMEONE TODAY! IT’S THE CANADIAN WAY!
Ottawa vs. Vancouver tonight at 7 PM ET!

***

“Should I have said ‘Nice stickwork,’ instead?” Ilya seemed unbothered by Shane’s annoyance. “Or ‘Shane Hollander is very good at scoring in this league.’”

“You know, you actually could’ve said that if you didn’t say it like that.” Shane huffed.

“Like what?” Ilya practically purred.

“Quit it. Don’t be sexy to me during practice.”

“Shane Hollander really knows his way around a crease. Maybe he should try out being a goalie? See if Hazy wants a break?”

Shane’s eyes flashed. “Maybe you should try shutting your mouth for once in your life.”

“I do not think you want me to shut my mouth, Hollander.” Ilya slid his tongue over his bottom lip.

Shane’s nostrils flared as his whole face turned red, and he skated away in an instant, throwing a quick “Fuck off, Rozanov,” over his shoulder.

***

When Harris heard the word “stickwork,” he quickly realized this wasn’t going to be a video he could use practice footage from, and packed up to leave.

Later that night, he surfed the comments, proud of his handiwork.

@centaurs1994: you know what is weird is that every time I want to comment “why are they married” I start to get it

@centaur_nation: Rozanov being sweet to Haas <3

@shane_hollander_fan: omg my poor baby SHANE WE LOVE YOU!!! @ilyarozanov give this man a compliment RIGHT NOW!!!

@ilyarozanov: Shane is the best husband ❤️ He is not the best backhand ❤️

Chapter 7: Who is the most perceptive player?

Question of the Day! Who’s the most perceptive player on the Centaurs?

Shaky selfie cam footage reveals a grinning Ilya Rozanov sitting in the front seat of what appears to be a very luxurious sports car.

He spins his phone to the side to reveal an unamused Shane in the passenger seat.

Shane’s nostrils flare in a mixture of heat and exasperation.

Ilya spins the camera back to himself in a second.

Cut.

Ilya holds up the selfie cam to Troy, who looks wary as he moves through the locker room.

Quick cuts follow of the remaining players.

Cut.

Ilya’s smug face takes up the screen as he speaks directly to the camera.

He flashes one last cheeky smile at the camera before the footage ends.

***

Harris’s jaw dropped.

“Okay, that was amazing. And also, what did I just watch? And also yes, we are totally posting this.”

“Harris! This is why you are my favorite.” Ilya held his arms out like the Jesus statue in Rio, basking in the glory of his success.

“Hey, you’re my favorite today because now I don’t have to make this video. How did you even edit this?!”

“Instagram. Is just reels.”

“Well, well, well. Coming for my job, Rozanov?”

“Never. You are too good.”

Ilya winked, and damnit, Harris couldn’t help but giggle.

***

When Harris posted the video to the team’s social media, the comment section got more attention than anything.

@zaneboodram: Oh helllll no. It’s hazy, obviously

@nick_chouinard: wtf @ilyarozanov you told me the QOTD was who could pronounce your name the best

@lalalapointe: yeah so that was a fucking lie

@centaursdaily: 😂😂😂

@e_dykstra: Wyatt

@wyatthayesnhl: Thanks guys!! 😊 @zaneboodram @e_dykstra

@wyatthayesnhl: I was also told the #QOTD was who could pronounce Roz’s name best. But my answer doesn’t change! Love ya bud @ilyarozanov!

@mrsrozanov: I’m dyingggg why is my babygirl so addicted to being silly

@young_and_hungry: He told me and Holmberg it was who’s the most Russian

@troybarrettofficial: @young_and_hungry feels like you guys walked into that one

@shanehollanderhockeyplayer: @troybarrettofficial Look who’s talking

@shane_hollander_fan: omg not Shane being sassy

@ottawacentaurs: Receiving shocking reports that this video may have been manipulated! Rest assured we are looking into it, and watch the Centaurs vs Bears game tonight at 7 ET! 😉

Chapter 8: WHAGS Takeover: What’s the one thing you don’t want your partner to forget on the road?

Chapter Notes

Harris’ phone went off at 3PM.

Ilya Rozanov: We did not do QOTD
Ilya Rozanov: We need to
Ilya Rozanov: Before the game
Harris Drover: omg
Harris Drover: !!!!!!!!
Ilya Rozanov: Yes. I agree
Harris Drover: Should I send you a question??? Could you record again?? Omg I’m so sorry.
Ilya Rozanov: I can’t. But we will figure something out
Harris Drover: Okay NO that’s my job babe!! Stop coming for me!! You focus on the Admirals, I’ll focus on the social media!!
Harris Drover: Kidding! I’m going to handle it — sit tight! You’ve got this!!!
Ilya Rozanov: Ok.

Harris took a minute or five to freak out. He did not want to be the subject of hockey players’ superstitions, and he would not be the reason they lost to the New York Admirals. Scott Hunter was the most superstitious player in the league! If they lost after not following their own ritual, then they had no one to blame but themselves! It was science!

God, Scott Hunter. Harris had of course gone through his own Scott Hunter rabbit hole. He and his husband were adorable, and the whole reason they met was through Scott’s crazy super—

Wait. An idea broke through. Harris knew exactly what to do.

***

Question of the Day: WHAGS TAKEOVER!

Cut.

Wyatt's wife Lisa is clearly in a hospital, rushing to record her message.

Cut.

Bood’s wife Cassie is bouncing baby Milo in her lap.

Cut.

Evan Dykstra's wife Caitlin holds their wiggling daughter Susie in one arm as she waves to the camera.

Cut.

Cut.

Ilya’s face fills up the screen, but he’s clearly in a locker room.

Cut.

Cut.

Cut.

The mascot Theo stands with a happy Chiron flopping around next to him.

Theo does a backflip and Chiron gets the zoomies.

DON’T FORGET: WE LOVE YOU, CENTAURS!
Ottawa vs. New York tonight at 7 PM ET!

***

Harris Drover: Think we pulled it off? ;)
Ilya Rozanov: Yes. It is perfect. Thank you Harris! You are the best!
Harris Drover: Yayyy!!!!
Harris Drover: Okay go score us some goals!!! I did my part!!!
Ilya Rozanov: Scott Hunter will cry tonight
Harris Drover: Omg chill

***

@centaurs1994: HAHA NO WAY WE’RE MORE PARANOID THAN SCOTT HUNTER NOW

@censforever: I’m gonna kms if we don’t win after this

@s_chouinard: Oh no I’m too late! I love you @nick_chouinard! I’m with Lisa — now I think we need bagels!!

@voyageurzzzz: gayest team in the NHL

@mrsrozanov: @voyageurzzzz and yet they’ve beaten your team the last three games hmmm

@voyageurzzzz: yeah no shit our team sucks ass without hollander. We need some fucking whabgs or whatever

@mrsrozanov: @voyageurzzzz idk what to do with this now

@shane_hollander_fan: @mrsrozanov lol right I was ready to throw hands for my baby and now I’m like uhh

@young_and_hungry: I feel single

@ottawababyyyy: @young_and_hungry what if i told you you didn't have to be 👀

@troybarrettfanaccount: Lord I see what you’ve done for other people… (Harris Drover)

@harrisdrover: @troybarrettfanaccount 😂😂😂

@censational: I love how all the wives are like omg I love you and then Shane and Ilya are like actually I’m glad you fucking asked—

@lucahaashavemychildren: YESSSSSS SUCK IT @nyadmirals

@censforever: JUST CANCELLED MY PLANS TO KMS WE’RE SO BACK

@ilya_rozanov_nation: THAT’S MY BOYYYYYYY ADMIRALS FOUND DEAD IN A DITCH!!!!!!! TOP SCORER BITCH!!!!

@ilyarozanov: @ilya_rozanov_nation @shanehollanderhockeyplayer

@shanehollanderhockeyplayer: @ilyarozanov I literally scored the winning goal

@ilya_rozanov_nation: @ilyarozanov omg ILYA MENTIONED!!!!!! ILYA BABY I LOVE YOU!!!!!!

@ilyarozanov: @ilya_rozanov_nation You are the best account on Instagram!

@ilyarozanov: @shanehollanderhockeyplayer I am top scorer

Chapter End Notes

You can really tell idgaf about the other players in this one SORRY

Chapter 9: DELETED SCENE: Shane Learns What Rizz Is

Chapter Notes

Okay this was really bothering me from chapter five -- lmao of course Shane would have to be taught what rizz is.

Also, Ilya learned the word rizz from his Mario Kart tournaments.

“Rizz? What is rizz?”

Shane’s face scrunched in adorable confusion and Ilya had to fight the urge to smother him right there on camera.

“Rizz!” Harris cheered, like that cleared anything up. “It’s short for charisma!”

“So… Why not just say that?” Shane’s nose wrinkled.

Harris sighed and stopped recording. “It’s more nuanced than that. It’s like, Gen-Z slang.”

“Okay, but what’s the nuance?”

“Fucking relax, Hollander. You can just say me and we can get on the ice.” Ilya waggled his eyebrows.

Shane’s eyes narrowed. “How do you even know what it is? Hanging out with a lot of teenagers lately?”

“Oh yes. Young people love me. Old people too. Because I have so much rizz.”

Shane scowled, and Harris interceded.

“Okay, Ilya, that’s enough.” Harris lightly scolded, handing over his phone. “Here, Shane, read this.”

“What the hell is Urban Dictionary?”

Harris bit back a laugh. “Just read it.”

Shane’s brow furrowed.

“Your glasses are in the locker room, sweetheart. Do you want me to read it for you?” Ilya teased.

“Shut up.” Shane shot him a look before reading aloud, ”’Another word for spitting game/how good you are with pulling and sustaining bitches.’ So it’s just like, hitting on people or something?”

“Well, not exactly. Scroll down.” Harris found a better description.

“Rizz is the ability to confidently approach people and talk to them, in a more romantic or flirty way. Usually people use the term "rizz him/her up" to show how this complex concept of rizz can be simply applied whilst talking to a person.’” Shane looked nervously towards Ilya, hovering over his shoulder to read.

Ilya cackled at the words. “Shane, read the example!”

“No.”

“Come on, for me. Please. I want to hear you say it.”

Shane glared at him.

“I will make it worth your while…” Ilya smirked, causing Shane’s nostrils to flare, and Harris to look away.

Through gritted teeth, Shane read: “’I got my masters degree in quantum rizzics, in the Argentinian city of Rizzario, where the goat Crizztiano Rizznaldo once went on a visit.’ What the hell does that even mean?”

Ilya’s laughter shook through his whole body.

Harris heard the sound of voices in the locker room getting closer, and tried to wrap this up. “Don’t worry about that part, Shane. It’s just a question! Think of it like, who has the most game? Who do you think can pull?”

“Pull?”

Ilya cackled.

“Shut up!” Shane swatted at his arm.

“Sweetheart, is okay. You can say me. Is not a big deal.” Ilya grinned.

“You said yourself.”

“Well. Is true.”

Shane huffed and tried to move past him to the ice, grumbling, “Just do this one without me.”

Ilya looked to Harris and rolled his eyes, following after him. “We will be right back.”

***

Shane skated off in annoyance, circling the ice to warm his legs, and wasn’t surprised to hear a cocky Russian accent behind him mere moments after his dramatic exit. Which was embarrassing.

“Sweeeetheaaaartt.” Ilya called in a mocking, sing-song tone.

“Leave me alone. Go rizz on someone else.”

Ilya was grateful Shane’s back was turned, because he couldn’t help but smile at his misuse of the word, and he knew that would go very unappreciated right now. He decided to try another tactic, swooping an arm around Shane’s waist to corral him against the boards.

“Hey! What the hell! Get off me!” Shane squirmed, but Ilya pinned him against the glass — gently, but pinned nonetheless.

“Shane. Do you know why I have the best rizz of all?”

“Are you kidding me right now?”

Ilya smiled, a dopey, lovesick smile. “Because my rizz got me you.” He leaned in close, speaking low into Shane’s ear. “I pulled Shane fucking Hollander. Who could have better rizz than that?”

Shane’s exasperation melted instantly, and he stared at Ilya with the kind of wide eyes that could rival Puss In Boots, right before groaning loudly and letting his head drop against Ilya’s chest.

“Why?! Why do you have to say things like that? Why can’t I be mad at you for like, two fucking minutes?”

“Because, moya lyubov…” Ilya stared at Shane’s lips, wondering for the millionth time why they had a no-kissing-at-practice rule, and a slow grin spread across his face. “I have amazing rizz.”

“UGH!” Shane shoved him and skated away, leaving Ilya to follow him, loudly laughing.

“Shane! You have to do the question of the day! If Phoenix beats us, it is your fault!”

Chapter End Notes

Just wanted to say thank you guys so much for your comments!! 🥹 They really keep me going and I'm having so much fun doing these!! Please lmk if y'all have any suggestions for the QOTD!!! ❤️❤️

Chapter 10: Who's your favorite current player in the league?

Chapter Notes

Question of the Day: WHO’S YOUR FAVORITE CURRENT HOCKEY PLAYER?

Shane smirks at Ilya and doesn't skip a beat.

Ilya makes a face.

Ilya opens his mouth to speak, then catches himself and looks at Shane, slightly dazed, unable to remember the last time he’d been asked a question like this and not been able to sarcastically say, “Shane Hollander.” Of course, he’d always completely meant it, but he’d gotten away with it as snark for so long that he’d never had to think of a different response.

He looks to Shane, a soft smile on his face, and Shane meets his eyes, bashfully softening into his own knowing look.

Ilya snaps out of the trance and turns to the camera, unable to shake the fond expression.

Cut.

Cut.

Troy leans into Harris’ space. “Didn’t I already do this one in my intro video?”

“Yes, but we didn’t have the QOTD then!” Harris smushes Troy’s face in his hands, and Troy groans.

Harris gives him a quick kiss on the cheek, then shooes him in front of the camera. “Come on, you already have an answer!”

Cut.

Luca blushes, growing weary of this humiliation ritual.

Luca turns violently red and can't help but glance onto the ice, where thankfully Ilya isn't in earshot.

Cut.

Cut.

Cut.

Cut.

Cut.

Cut.

Troy’s laughter can be heard on camera, and Harris stops recording.

“Young! Re-do! Now!”

The whole team groans, leaving Harris to ignore shouts of, “Come on!” “Keep it!” “Oh, fuck him!”

“Guys! If you love me and want me to keep my job AND want to keep winning because you have now forced me into being a human hockey ritual, you will let me re-record ONE line!”

The men silence themselves immediately, before quieter calls of “Sorry, Harris,” and “Love you, Harris,” come from the ice.

“Thank you.”

“Wait!” Shane calls out. “Young, I’ll give you fifty bucks to say Scott Hunter.”

“No. No, no, no. Young, this is an order from your captain.” Ilya breaks into the dramatics instantly, and Bood starts laughing.

“Young, this is an order from your alternate captain. If you don’t say Hunter, there will be consequences.”

OTTAWA CENTAURS: THE FRIENDLIEST TEAM IN THE LEAGUE!
Ottawa vs. Detroit tonight at 7 PM ET!

***

@ottawaordie: lol what does roz have against Scott hunter

@centaurs69: I can’t believe the team is so good this year that we’re actually being nice to other players hahaha it’s like we’re soothing the burn

@centaurs4eva: @centaurs69 ikr what are they doing I’m over here like finally we have the right to be assholes lmfao suck it detroit

@haydenpikehockey: real nice @ilyarozanov

@ilyarozanov: @haydenpikehockey Mr. Chompy? Is that you?

@haydenpikehockey: @ilyarozanov 🙄

@trevorproject: We’d love to see Max Riley playing again too! 😊🌈🏒

@lucahaashavemychildren: is it me or was rozanov about to say hollander lolol

@mrsrozanov: @lucahaashavemychildren RIGHT he was like do you even go here??

@ottawacentaursdaily: guys am I crazy or is it working!!!!!!! Do not stop #QOTD!!!

@censcenscens: @ottawacentaursdaily I mean it’s definitely having hollander and rozanov on the same team rofl but sure

@ottawacentaursdaily: @censcenscens: WHATEVER GET FUCKED DETROIT!!!!!!!!!!!! WE’RE SO BACK!!!!!!

@scotthunter: Love you too @ilyarozanov

@ilyarozanov: @scotthunter Grandpa? Who in the old folks home showed you how to use Instagram?

Chapter End Notes

My headcannon is that Tanner Dillon got traded in order to make room for Shane's salary and the whole world cheered.

Chapter 11: Who’s your favorite person on earth?

Question of the Day: WHO’S YOUR FAVORITE PERSON ON EARTH?

Cut.

A lovesick, bashful smile crosses Troy’s face as he stares past the camera.

Cut.

Shane and Ilya look at each other for a moment and grin, mischief written all over their faces.

Cut.

Cut.

Cut.

Cut.

Titles with information about the game slowly roll over the remaining footage of Shane and Ilya bickering.

Shane narrows his eyes at his favorite person on earth.

An image of Chiron wearing a Centaurs bandana appears on screen, tongue lolling out into a little doggy smile, as the text overlays:

THE OTTAWA CENTAURS: OUR FAVORITE PEOPLE ON EARTH!

Watch Ottawa vs Tampa tonight at 7 ET!

***

@cent4urs: honestly idc if they get divorced as long as we keep winning

@shane_hollander_fan: Shane honey we want to support you so badly just make it make sense 🙏

@unfortunatelyanottawafan: I need to send whoever makes these things a fucking gift basket

@ilyarozanovdoingthings: wait no do they actually fight about rose

@roselandrysbathwater: @ilyarozanovdoingthings how could they not? 💁‍♀️

@hollanovvv: Sir? they’re soulmates

@roselandrysbathwater: timeline of Shandry is pinned to my page for anyone who needs it btw !

@ottawastan2020: HAT TRICK

@unfortunatelyacentaursfan: HAT TRICKKKKK WTFFFFFFFFFFF

@shanes_tape: yassss king!!!!

@shane_hollander_fan: I can’t believe the day he gets a hat trick is dedicated to Rose fucking Landry

***

The team was exhausted after the flight back from Tampa, but Shane and Ilya were still expected at Sunday dinner, so that’s where they were.

“Guys! It’s us!” Shane called out from the entryway as they stripped off their outerwear.

“Your favorite son is here!”

Yuna came around the corner and pulled each of them into their own hugs, brushing snow out of Shane’s hair. “Hi, honey. That was a great save in the third period.”

“Hello Yuna!” Ilya brought her into a crushing bear hug. “We brought pie!”

Yuna reached up a full foot to hold Ilya’s cheek in her hand. “There’s my favorite person on earth!”

“Mom!” Shane balked, jaw dropping into a faux-shocked smile that betrayed him entirely.

She wrapped her arms around the two of them, guiding them to the kitchen. “Oh, don’t worry honey, I’m a big fan of yours too.”

Shane jabbed a finger in Ilya’s direction. “He’s rubbing off on you too much.”

“I hear you’re my favorite hockey player now, too.” Yuna teased.

“Well? Am I not? I can turn around and get more pie if you do not like blueberry…” Ilya winked.

Yuna’s head fell back in a laugh. “You two are ridiculous.”

Shane sighed as he walked further into the house, calling, “Dad! Please tell me I’m still your favorite hockey player!”

David’s voice rang out from the living room: “Did you bring pie?”

***

They were both tired, but Shane was truly beat. He’d taken a hard hit in Tampa for that hat trick, and all he really wanted was to be back in his bed as soon as possible. His shoulders slumped, and he was clearly avoiding leaning too hard on the right side of his body.

As the family shuffled between the kitchen and dining table, plating and setting up the dishes, Ilya couldn’t resist messing with him just a little bit more.

“Hey Shane. Don’t you want to know who my favorite hockey player is? Your parents, they are big Rozanov fans, but me, I have another favorite.”

“Yeah, Cliff fucking Marlow, apparently.” Shane grumbled as Ilya caught him by the waist, pulling him in.

“No, moy lyubimy.” He kissed Shane’s temple and felt him slump closer. “I have another one.”

“Scott Hunter?”

Ilya ignored the dig, folding his husband into his arms. “Shane, you are always my favorite.” Kiss. “My favorite hockey player.” Kiss. “My favorite person.” Kiss. “Everything. You are my favorite everything.”

Shane burrowed into his chest, letting himself melt in exhaustion. “I love you.”

In Russian, Ilya said, “I love you so much that if I start saying it, I will never stop.”

Shane’s brain was too foggy to translate, so he nuzzled closer and muttered back in his own broken Russian, “I love you too.”

“Boys! Pie!”

Chapter 12: King for the Day

Chapter Notes

Question of the Day! What would you do if you were king for the day?

Harris was making everyone wait to get out of the bus so he could go first and get set up, but he didn’t care. At this point, his work was for the greater good.

Tripod set up, he yelled “Go!” and the team shuffled down the stairs, all shielding their eyes from the California sun in some way or another.

***

Ilya leads the pack in suave sunglasses, energetic and far more hyped up than anyone getting off of a bus ride through traffic should be.

Shane smirks towards a low sound of grumbling, and moves towards his teammates, already out of the shot.

Cut.

Cut.

Nick Chouinard leans in close to the camera like he’s telling it a secret.

Cut.

The kids trickle out.

Holmberg shoots a glare at Young, who has the decency to at least look a little guilty about his shitty roommate behavior.

Cut.

Troy looks a bit… intense.

Troy stares flatly at the camera, and Harris flinches slightly at the idea of how to present this to the audience at home in his fun little video. Totally supports his boyfriend! But well. This is a TikTok. It’s a tone thing, really.

Troy seems to take note, and continues talking, trying to lighten up his voice.

Cut.

Cut.

Wyatt points to the camera with a wary look, and Harris chooses that moment to freeze frame and add a graphic of a crown on his head.

THE OTTAWA CENTAURS: OUR KINGS EVERY DAY!

Ottawa v. Los Angeles tonight at 7 PM ET!

***

@troybarrettfanpage: The whole team: 😀 // Troy and Luca: 🔫 the system is a problem 🔫

@shane_hollander_fan: @troybarrettfanpage Don’t leave my son out of this! He’s incapable of giving a fun answer too 🫶 Everyone follow @irinafoundation !!

@nhl: @nick_chouinard No.

@s_chouinard: @nhl Yes.

@ryanprice12: Thin ice, @nick_chouinard.

@ilyarozanovsmoking: lmfaoooooo YESSSSSSSS MY KINDA CONTENT

@centaurs_or_die: So no one wanted to nuke Montreal or what

@irinafoundation: ❤️❤️❤️

@unfortunatelyacentaursfan: BROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

@lucahaashavemychildren: OMG MY BABY!!!!!!!!!

@centaursforlife: HOLLANDER AND ROZ ON THE POWER PLAY BOUTTA MAKE ME INSUFFERABLE !!!!

@hollanov_fanart: hi best social media manager on earth! patiently awaiting the hi res of that goal! tysm ily!

@hockeymemes: Rozanov is the gift that keeps on giving like how am I adding ilyarozanovwinking17.jpeg to my files

@centaurs1994: Californians when a pack of Canadians and Russians show up: 😬😳

@ottawa_centaurs_daily: WE ARE SO MAKING THE PLAYOFFS THIS YEAR YASSSSS KINGSSSSSSSSS

Chapter End Notes

Let's just pretend the LA Kings are also fictional lol I just wanted to use them for the inspiration

Chapter 13: What are you thankful for?

Chapter Notes

Question of the Day! What are you thankful for?

The boys filter out of the locker room and onto the ice.

He leans in and squints, then pulls back with a laugh.

Cut.

Ilya fills the frame, smiling as the rest of the players trail out behind him.

Cut.

He leans in stares at something behind the camera.

Cut.

Cut.

Cut.

Cut.

Troy beams past the camera.

Cut.

Cut.

Cut.

Cut.

Cut.

Cut.

Cut.

Cut.

Cut.

Cut.

LaPointe looks back from the entrance to the rink.

Cut.

Cut.

Cut.

Cut.

Cut.

Cut.

Cut.

Cut.

Shane tries to shuffle past, but Ilya stops him, indignant.

Ilya grumbles, but his eyes have already gone soft. Shane smiles, rolling his eyes, and pushes past to keep walking towards the ice.

Shane trudges back from the rink’s entrance, squinting, then laughs.

Ilya corrals him in with a big arm and beams at the camera, waving. In a rare show of PDA, Shane laughs and waves with him.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING FROM THE CENTAURS!

Ottawa v. Pittsburgh tonight at 7 PM ET!

Chapter End Notes

This one in particular was inspired by how stunningly boring the Maple Leafs answers were to this question:

https://www.instagram.com/p/DBEuuk0xZX4/?hl=en

Chapter 14: What job would you do if you weren't a hockey player?

Chapter Notes

Question of the Day! What would you do if you weren’t a hockey player?

Cut.

Cut.

Ilya smirks and bites his lip, pretending to drive an invisible car.

Cut.

Shane has caught up and is now standing with his hands on his hips in front of the camera with Ilya behind him, permanently ready to mock him.

Shane seems to glitch out. His face freezes, eyebrows furrowing towards the ground as he thinks.

Suddenly, the video starts playing in 2x speed while the Jeopardy waiting music plays over his indecision. Every time he opens his mouth to answer, he cuts himself off before he says anything.

Cut.

Cut.

Shane is still glitching. More Jeopardy music.

Cut.

Cut.

No more Jeopardy music, but Shane is clearly still looking for an answer.


Cut.

Cut.

Shane still looks baffled. It really shouldn’t be this hard.

Shane smacks Ilya’s chest so hard that he starts to wobble in his skates.

Cut.

Cut.

Ilya is no longer in the frame, cackling from the ground where he’s fallen.

Shane makes a face down at the floor as he hurries onto the ice, the sound of Ilya’s laughter still following him.

Cut.

Cut.

Ilya skates into frame, pressing up against the glass of the rink.

Luca blushes furiously.

Ilya bangs on the glass and points to the camera.

Luca’s face goes red as a tomato, and he hustles towards the ice.

Ilya bangs on the glass again.

SET YOUR CALENDARS: LUCA HAAS’ TATTOO ARTIST CAREER BEGINS THIS PLAYOFFS SEASON! Ottawa vs. Dallas tonight at 7PM EST!

***

@lucahaashavemychildren: WHAT 😭

@lucahaashavemychildren: MY BABY 😭😭

@lucahaashavemychildren: jfc imagine having a tattoo designed by LUCA MFKING HAAS 😭😭😭

@centaursdaily: @lucahaashavemychildren don’t encourage this we need our boy

@rail_me_shane_hollander: Shane be MY trophy husband

@ottawacentaursnews: If Haas quits hockey I’m suing @ilyarozanov

@s_chouinard: I know that’s right 🧠💅

@hollanov_fanart: the way the best social media manager in the world has been feeding me lately…. ilysm

@harrisdrover: @hollanov_fanart keep up the good work! 😂🎨🥰🌈💕🏒

@mcgillu: We’re here whenever you want to come back @young_and_hungry! ❤️

@parkwood_comics: Thanks for the shoutout @wyatthayesnhl! 🤓

@ilya_rozanov_shirtless: patiently awaiting the new tat drop 👀

@lewishamilton: Never give up @ilyarozanov 💯

Chapter End Notes

Probably going to try to wrap this up soonish? Idk! I wanted to take it through playoffs and them obviously winning the cup but I am running low on motivation!

Whatever ends up happening, thank you for your comments and support on this fic!! It's my first/only one for this fandom and it's been so much fun to do!!

Chapter 15: How can you defend yourself?!

“Okay, how does that feel?”

“Weird.” Troy crinkled his nose and itched at the Go-Pro strapped to his head.

Harris frowned. He adjusted a lock of Troy’s hair, then cupped his cheek, moving his thumb in a soothing circle. “Better?”

“Better.” Troy let his chin sink into Harris’ hand.

“I promise it won’t take long. Just start with Wyatt and follow the puck. If anyone messes up, that’s on them. It’s part of it.”

“Hey!” A loud bang on the glass made both of them jump before they turned to find Ilya with his face nearly pressed to it. “Let’s fucking go! We're running out of time!”

“Okay! So dramatic! Let me just get Troy for the intro!” Harris whipped out his phone to start recording.

***

Question of the Day! How can you defend yourself?!

Troy is standing outside the entrance to the rink with a camera mounted to his head.

Harris tosses a puck towards Troy and he easily stops it, catching it in his stick.

Troy moves onto the ice, and the view switches to his Go-Pro as he makes his way towards the goal, tracking the puck as he deftly controls it.

The puck flies towards the goal and Hazy easily stops it as he answers.

He makes a face like duh then tosses the puck on the ice.

Troy follows the puck to Bood, speeding through his bullet points.

Bood shoots the puck.

The camera swings to Dykstra as he snatches the puck.

Troy can be heard laughing as Dykstra hits the puck to Shane, who’s caught somewhere between a laugh and a grimace as he receives it.

Shane directs the puck away from himself as quickly as possible, and Troy follows it.

Haas moves with the puck.

Luca’s cheeks pink up, and a small smile grows on his face as he slaps the puck.

Ilya is wearing an exaggerated grouchy face as the puck hits his stick.

Ilya pivots backwards and raises his stick for an unnecessarily hard slap — much harder than anything anyone else has been doing.

The camera whips and just barely catches Shane’s lightning-fast reflexes. He instinctively smacks it back at Ilya.

He returns the puck, and Shane just keeps firing it back, something between a smirk and a glare on his face.

Ilya returns it. They are definitely going too fast for warm-ups.

Shane catches the puck, putting it to a stop with impressive efficiency and sends an evil smile in Ilya's direction.

Shane shoots the puck off in another direction.

LaPointe skids to a stop, spraying ice. He’s made his way back to the rink entrance, where the whole team has gathered around to watch Nick Chouinard enter the rink.

He gets cut off as Harris enters behind him, carrying a tray of brownies with a candle on top.
The team starts singing a very pitchy Happy birthday to you…

Freeze frame on Nick smiling at his birthday treat while text overlays:

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, CHOUINARD! DEFEND YOURSELVES, BUFFALO! WE’LL SEE YOU TOMORROW AT 7PM EST!

***

@centaurs5eva: Happy birthday Chouinard! 🏒

@ottawa_centaurs94: Bro the fact that we’ve beaten Buffalo every game this season is insane

@s_chouinard: this is too cute 🥹

@mrsrozanov: don’t worry Shane I’ve got you — reasons to be married to Ilya Rozanov: 1) sexy af, 2) one of the greatest goal scorers of all time, 3) hot accent, 4) great with dogs, 5) massive 🍆, 6) runs a charity aww, 7) literally babygirl, 8) but with a massive 🍆

@ottawacentaursdaily: @mrsrozanov Ma’am this is a wendys

@censational: @mrsrozanov Really? Right in front of my salad?

@troybarrettsabs: @censational @mrsrozanov right in front of my salmon?

@unfortunatelyanottawafan: lol Dykstra is a way better defenseman than Chouinard but sure

@lucahaashavemychildren: okkkk my baby is getting spicy w it!!

@hottie_in_ottie: Why is no one talking about how Troy said salmon is his treat food. Like that is a serial killer answer

@ilya_rozanov_shirtless: @mrsrozanov You’re right and you should say it

@haydenpikehockey: Still waiting on that answer @shanehollanderhockeyplayer

Chapter 16: Therapy Interlude

Chapter Notes

Ilya had been a little quiet throughout the day’s practice, and by the time they’d finished, Shane was starting to worry. His typically boisterous husband seemed a bit down. He’d barely been a dick to anyone all morning, and alarm bells were buzzing in Shane’s head.

As they packed up, Shane came and hovered over his shoulder. “You okay?”

“Fine.” Ilya zipped up his bag, eyes downcast. “I am maybe having a funny brain day, that is all. Do not worry. I am okay.”

Shane’s eyebrows creased, alarm bells now blaring. “Okay… You’re seeing Galina this afternoon right?”

Ilya sighed. “Yes, Shane. Just like every other Wednesday. Is fine. We are fine. I will be home in a few hours.”

“Okay…” Shane bit his lip, disbelieving. “I’m going to stop at the grocery store before I head back if there’s anything you want me to pick up.”

“No, whatever you want for dinner this week is fine with me.” The alarm bells screamed. “You will take Anya out when you get home, yes?”

“Of course.”

Worry clouded Shane’s face, and Ilya couldn’t stand to see it. Under different circumstances, he might’ve kissed his temple or something to reassure him, but here, he followed Shane’s “No PDA” rules, so that was that. He slung his bag over his shoulder, that rueful look still on his face.

“I love you.” Shane looked so nervous it was almost pissing him off, but not as much as it was making him sad. He just wanted to leave.

“Of course.” Ilya squeezed his shoulder. “Ya lyublyu tebya.”

***

“It’s so stupid. I know it’s stupid. It’s fucking Instagram. It’s not our real life, but I just… I don’t— I don’t know.” Ilya stopped pacing and covered his face with his hands, letting out a growl.

“It’s not stupid to want your husband to stand up for you in public.” Galina stared up at him calmly.

“He does though! He told the commissioner of the league to fuck off, for me! He risked everything for me. He’s changed teams, he’s moved his whole life!”

“Which you also did.”

Ilya groaned and returned to his pacing. Sometimes when Galina held up a mirror to Shane’s behavior, it only made him antsier.

“Have you ever talked to Shane about these questions you’ve been doing? Does he know you’ve been feeling this way?”

Now Ilya reddened, not wanting to admit to this next part. “No,” he mumbled. “It’s stupid. It shouldn’t affect our relationship. They’re just dumb little videos for the team. It’s not like he needs to say anything about us at all, but…”

“But?”

“But…” Ilya sighed. “Today they outright asked him to defend himself for why he married me, and he said nothing.”

“Oh?” Galina’s eyebrows raised in a rare show of emotion. “Why would they do that?”

“It was funny. It was part of the video.” He tried to force a smile, but he got the feeling that Galina was not a particularly humorous person.

“Did you find it funny?”

Ilya chewed on the inside of his cheek. “I think I would have, if he had maybe said something else. The guys… They are just kidding. And Shane is too. But… I don’t know. It’s so stupid.”

“Why do you think Shane didn’t defend you?” Galina held his gaze.

“I know why. The media, the press, we are both sick of it. He does not want to add, what is the phrase?” He switched to English. “Fuel to fire?”

Galina nodded gently. “And you both feel that way?”

“I don’t know. Maybe not always.” Ilya dropped his face into his hands to hide his expression. “Other married people on the team talk about their partners all the time. Even Troy talks about his boyfriend. We are the gayest team in the NHL, and Shane still doesn’t feel comfortable talking about us. For years, we’ve been asked, “How could they possibly be together?” and it’s not like we owe anyone an explanation, but…”

“But?”

“But maybe sometimes I want him to say something nice about me. I don’t know if I would make fun of him so much if I was allowed to tell people how much I love him.”

“And does Shane prefer when you make fun of him?”

“No.” Ilya said flatly. “He is boring and easy to tease and he is a slut for praise.”

Galina raised an eyebrow.

“Sorry.” Ilya deadpanned. “I just… I have spent so much time in this league, in my whole career, being an asshole. It would be nice if my own fucking husband didn’t think so too.”

Galina let those words linger in the air for a moment before carefully continuing. “Ilya… What do you think Shane would say if he heard you say that?”

Ilya grimaced. He kind of hated when Galina played this card with him, because it never failed to humble him. He sighed, ready to play her game, and the sound of Shane’s voice ricocheted through his head.

“He would say… You’re not an asshole. Well, you’re an asshole sometimes.” He cracked a smile, thinking fondly about how Shane wouldn’t be able to help himself, and his eyes softened into a faraway look. “He would say… You’re the best person I know. He would say that he loves me, and that his parents love me, and the team loves me.” Ilya shook his head. “It shouldn’t matter to me what he says in some dumb video.”

Galina leaned forward and found Ilya’s eyes. “But it’s okay if it does matter. It’s okay to want your husband to have your back when other people attack you, kidding or not. At work or not. The two of you have been through a very long and difficult journey to be together — a journey that almost no one knows about since you’ve chosen not to disclose the timeline of your relationship to the public. The outside still doesn’t match what’s on the inside, and it’s okay if that’s still a source of frustration. You spent more than a decade pretending to hate each other, and what you want is for him to start treating you differently than he ever has before in public, which may be a bigger step forward than you realize — even though you’re married. It’s hard to break patterns, so start small. You don’t have to show everything, but it sounds like you want to put up more of a united front now that you are finally able to do so. I think you need to talk to him and find out what that balance looks like for the two of you. If you were going to bring this up with him right now, tonight, what would you want to say?”

Ilya let out a long breath, letting her words sink in. Then he began to speak.

***

The team crushed Buffalo. In fact, they hadn’t lost a Buffalo game the entire season. But tonight’s power play was a thing of beauty. Hollander and Rozanov were in sync in a way that simply couldn’t be replicated, firing off shots to what seemed to be completely blank patches of the ice, knowing the exact second the other would be there.

When Harris posted a video of Ilya’s goal later that night — a stunning shot, and a perfect execution of The Rozanov — the fans went wild.

One fan in particular.

Shane shared the clip to his rarely used Instagram stories, captioning it: “#DefendYourself: Reasons to be married to Ilya Rozanov 😎”, heart beating in double time as he pressed post.

The next day, he woke up cuddled in bed with Ilya and Anya, and found that his messages had blown up.

Ilya nuzzled his cheek, “What are you so happy about, moy lyublimyy?”

“Look.” Shane was grinning as he leaned over to show Ilya his phone.

Inbox

@mrsrozanov replied to your story: Reasons to be married to Ilya Rozanov *photo of Ilya in his Gladiator costume*

@ilyarozanovsmoking replied to your story: #DefendYourself He looks like this *three photos of Ilya smoking cigarettes, looking sexy and European as hell*

@irinafoundation replied to your story: 😍

@hockeymemes replied to your story: *GIF of Ilya fist pumping after a goal*

@roselandry replied to your story: Didn’t want to say “ideal peg” on main?

@takeahikejackiepike replied to your story: Number one manicurist 💅 (the kids say hi!)

@zaneboodram replied to your story: Sucking up to the captain smh

@ilyarozanovdoingthings replied to your story: Baby don’t worry you don’t need to defend SHIT we GET IT!!!

@datadrivenhockey replied to your story: I got you dude *sends their own post titled ‘Rozanov Best Goals Compilation’*

@ottawachildrenshospital replied to your story: Reasons to be married to Ilya Rozanov: He’s a fan favorite over here! 😊 *photo of Ilya playing video games with children*

@hockey_hunks replied to your story: #DefendYourself: Hockey Hunks Fan Voted Champion 5 times 😍🤤

@mrsjennyspethotel replied to your story: Meant to send this to Ilya last time! Reasons to be married to Ilya Rozanov! Hope you two and Anya are doing well! 🐶💞 *photo of Ilya in a baseball cap with a pastel pink bow smack in the middle of it, beaming next to an excited Anya wearing identical bows behind her ears*

Ilya smiled sheepishly, sleepy and unusually bashful as the messages kept loading.

Shane kissed him on the cheek. “And they don’t even know you like I know you.”

Ilya cocked an eyebrow. “You want all of those people to know me like you know me? One of those is from your mom, I think.”

“Gross!” Shane laughed and shoved him. “We hired someone else to do social media for the foundation, idiot.”

Ilya wrapped a big arm around him and pulled him closer. “Mm, this is not a very nice way to talk about your husband, moy lyubov. Maybe you should use your mouth somewhere else if you are going to be so mean to me.”

Shane put down his phone and threaded his fingers through Ilya’s hair, pulling him into a long, slow kiss. “I’m sorry about the video. I still feel bad about it. I have so many reasons to be with you, I don’t even know where to start.”

“Not good enough.” Ilya murmured between kisses, but he was smiling. “Defend yourself, Hollander. Give me the reasons why you married Ilya Rozanov.”

“I love your smile. I love the way you smell. I love coming home to you, and getting to play with you, because all I ever want to do is be around you.”

“So romantic, Hollander…” Ilya grinned, nipping at Shane’s jaw.

“Fuck off. I love seeing you play with kids. No one should look as hot as you do in the outfits Ruby picks out for you.”

Ilya rolled over and pinned Shane to the bed.

“I’m so fucking in love with you, Ilya. You’re so it for me it’s stupid. It’s embarrassing how much I love you.”

“Embarrassing, huh?” Ilya leaned in close, dropping slow kisses onto his neck.

“Mhmm.” Shane gasped as Ilya bit his earlobe. “I’m obsessed with you.”

“Obsessed?” Ilya worked his way back down Shane’s neck. “That is embarrassing for you.”

“Fuck you. You’re obsessed with me too.”

“Mm, this is true. Tell me more.”

“I don’t even remember what it’s like to not be obsessed with you.” Shane sucked in a sharp breath.

“Aw.”

“Shut up.” Shane was having an increasingly difficult time talking as Ilya sucked his collarbone, grinding down on him. “I’m obsessed with your mouth and your voice and— ah— your hands— and— how did that person put it? Huge dick?”

“Massive dick. I looked up the word.”

Shane laughed. “How do they even know that?”

Ilya shrugged a shoulder. “I think there are swimsuit pictures from one of the All Stars games.”

Shane pulled back in thought. “2017?”

“Probably.”

His nostrils flared. “That was a very slutty swimsuit.”

Ilya cracked that lazy, lopsided smile that always drove Shane crazy. “I had someone to impress.”

Shane rolled his eyes, enjoying their leisurely morning make-out, even without teeth brushing. “You impress me all the time. Every day. I meant what I said last night. I promise I’ll try to show it more. I love you. So fucking much.”

Ilya blushed, still a little embarrassed about yesterday’s conversation, but enjoying the praise anyways. He murmured into Shane’s lips, “Do you want to be impressed right now?”

Shane laughed, giving a very enthusiastic nod, and Ilya kissed him, deep and slow, before pausing, a contemplative look in his eye. “I think you are going to like it. Being shown off a little.”

“Yeah?” A pink flush filled Shane’s cheeks, and he gave a nervous laugh. “Have you ever shown off only a little in your life?”

Ilya’s mouth twisted into a mischievous smirk. “No.”

Chapter End Notes

I was thinking about this after the last chapter -- Ilya wants to show Shane off so badly! And I want that for them too! So I wanted to include a little conversation they might have about shifting the way they talk to/about each other in public.

Chapter 17: What would you bring on a desert island?

Chapter Notes

Question of the Day! What would you bring to a desert island?

Cut.

Cut.

Cut.

Cut.

Cut.

Cut.

Cut.

Cut.

Cut.

Cut.

Cut.

Cut.

Cut.

Cut.

Cut.

Ilya makes heart eyes.

Cut.

Cut.

Cut.

Cut.

Cut.

Cut.

A graphic slides across the screen of Shane, Ilya, and Bood photoshopped into a canoe in front of a desert island.

WHO WILL SURVIVE TONIGHT?! Ottawa v. Tampa at 7ET!

***

@troybarrettsabs: not letting Hollander swap smh homophobic of u @harrisdrover

@shane_hollander_fan: Everyone saying Shane iktr

@unfortunatelyanottawafan: Boyle lowkey giving serial killer vibes casually like yeah I’d bring a gun

@tampahockeynews: @unfortunatelyanottawafan are all Canadians this fucking dramatic ??LMFAO your username is correct

@unfortunatelyanottawafan: @tampahockeynews no but the fact that I, a Canadian, understand the meaning of you being from Florida sheds light on this response. Oh, and we’re going to destroy you!

@tampahockeynews: @unfortunatelyanottawafan jesus you guys have become insufferable since you got Hollander god I miss when you were losers

@mrsrozanov: I would literally pay to be stranded on an island with Ilya Rozanov

@mrsrozanov: He’s TALL he’s HOT he’d PROTECT ME!! Young GETS IT

@cens_or_ship: Hollander actually does have the best answer though. If I’m drafting everyone’s answers then Bood, Roz, and Hollander would totally win just because three people are more likely to survive than two. Hate to be this guy, but just thinking about it from the lens of real survival situations.

@lucahaashavemychildren: @cens_or_ship Nah ur sleeping on team Haaszy

@hollanovfanart: STOP MY HEART 🥺 Shane just saying Ilya first thing omg WHEN IS IT MY TURN 😭

@censational: Why did Dykstra sound like he wanted to stay

@ilyarozanovsmoking: hahahahahahahahahaha my maaaannnn

@shanehollanderunofficial: Shane my logical king 👑 this is why he’s the goat y’all his MIND

@ottawacentaursdaily: LFGGGGGGGGGGG

@ottawafan76: Can you post the Hollander goal already

@ottawacentaursdaily: @ottawafan76 bro it literally just happened (but same)

@ilyarozanovdoingthings: DO ✋ NOT 🚫 SWAP 🙅 ME 👎‼️

***

“A carton? A carton of cigarettes?” Shane raised an eyebrow, looking up from his phone to where Ilya stood in their hotel bathroom brushing his teeth.

“What?” Ilya shrugged, spitting out toothpaste.

“What happened to ‘I’m quitting?’”

“Yes. I am. This was a question for being stranded.”

“Ilya… I’m serious, if you die of lung cancer, I’m going to kill you.”

Ilya grinned at the familiar sight of Shane’s clenched disapproval face, and sunk down onto the bed next him.

“Shut up. You know what I mean.”

“Yes, moya lyubov.” Ilya kissed him on the cheek. “But I am quitting in real life. This was for the question. If I am on a desert island, stuck, and I am thinking, oh no, I’m never going to see Shane again, then… I am going to want a lot of cigarettes. Is like, there would be no point, stopping. I would be too sad.”

Shane’s irritation turned into a puppy dog frown. “I don’t like this hypothetical.”

“This what?”

“You’re quitting smoking. I mean it.”

“Of course, moye kanoe.”

“…Canoe?”

“Da.” Ilya nuzzled his cheek, and Shane laughed.

“Fuck off. A canoe is such a good idea. We could use it to fish, obviously, but it would also be a good shelter, and it stores things…” Shane devolved into giggles as Ilya mauled his neck, then drew back, eyes going soft.

“Thank you. For saying you would bring me. That was very sweet of you.”

Shane melted a little bit. “Of course. I love you… Moya lodka.”

Ilya lit up. “Lodka! Look at you! You’ve been practicing!”

“Maybe.”

“Such a talented mouth, Hollander. So good with accents and vocabulary.” He slid a finger into Shane’s smirking lips. “I wonder if there is anything else you want to practice.”

“Da.”

Chapter End Notes

Lodka = boat.

Luca is now in "avoid saying Rozanov again in these videos because I'm sick of you guys making fun of me" mode.

I think Ilya probably has a more sentimental answer, but he's holding back on social media.

Also, I am personally running the ilyarozanovsmoking account, which I envision as a mostly hot paparazzi photos of Ilya blasting cigs outside clubs in his younger days.

Chapter 18: Who's the funniest Centaur?

Chapter Notes

Question of the Day! Who’s the funniest Centaur?

Dykstra attempts to shove past the camera and get to the ice, but Harris whines.

Dykstra rolls his eyes and enters the rink.

Cut.

Cut.

Luca blushed, sheepishly accepting his fate.

Cut.

Cut.

Cut.

Cut.

The kids shuffle by.

Holmberg looks up, touched.

They dap each other up.

Cut.

Cut.

Shane gives a long-suffering sigh before deciding to just get it over with.

Cut.

Shane skates up to the edge of the rink, already pink and sweaty from practice.

Shane’s face twists into a scowl.

Shane glares and skates away, and Ilya cackles, turning to Bood.

Cut.

Shaky footage shows Shane and Ilya warming up.

Shane shoves Ilya and he devolves into giggles.

Cut.

A title drops:
Minutes earlier…
Harris cuts up the previous footage to show Ilya saying:

A title drops:
THE OTTAWA CENTAURS: THE FUNNIEST TEAM IN THE NHL! Ottawa v. Detroit at 7ET!

***

@cens_or_ship: Roz Riders won today

@unfortunatelyanottawafan: @cens_or_ship Hazy’s Heroes will be back to fight 😤

@mrsrozanov: *sigh* my man is so funny…

@censational: May their love never find me 🙏🙏🙏

@shane_hollander_fan: @censational wdym? They are perfect………..

@censational: @shane_hollander_fan no definitely, but I am not god’s strongest soldier. That’s Shane

@ottawacentaursdaily: Bood hearing Rozanov say Hollander is the funniest person on the team: *Sure, Jan gif*

@troybarrettsabs: This is bullshit everyone needs to go watch my pinned video of Troy’s funniest interview moments I won’t watch my boy be slept on like this

@roselandry: Yes to Shane being the most fun to tease. 🤪

@roselandrysbathwater: @roselandry queen is he (Ilya Rozanov) bothering you???

zaneboodram: No more flirting @ilyarozanov

***

Shane smiled softly at his phone. “Okay, you’re forgiven.”

Ilya scoffed. “Harris is a sap.”

Chapter End Notes

Wowie long time no see! Short chapter, just getting back in the swing of it! This fic lost steam mostly because I ran v low on ideas, if anyone has suggestions for QOTD!

Chapter 19: Who’s the most famous person in your phone contacts?

Chapter Notes

Question of the Day! Who’s the most famous person in your phone contacts?

Chouinard glances back at the dressing room, sheepish.

Cut.

Cut.

Luca looks over his shoulder like he’s afraid to be caught in the crossfire of this debate.

Cut.

Ilya, Shane, and Bood shuffle out of the dressing room in conversation.

Ilya scoffs.

Shane blushes furiously.

Ilya glares, and Bood takes on an over-the-top mocking tone.

Ilya rolls his eyes and Shane grins.

Shane frowns in thought before looking to Ilya for confirmation.

Harris lets out a small giggle, and Ilya’s glare gets angstier.

Cut.

A wide-eyed Troy blusters through a nervous laugh as he stares past the camera, and Harris can be heard holding back a noise before getting himself together.

Cut.

Cut.

Cut.

Cut.

Post-practice, a sweaty Ilya sits on a bench in the dressing room, hunched over his phone, while half the team looks over his shoulder as he scrolls.

Shane snickers as Ilya’s brow furrows in concentration.

A giddy Ilya holds his phone up to the screen, open to a contact.

The entire dressing room gasps, then groans.

Ilya drops his head into his hands.

He holds his phone up to the camera again.

A title drops:
Ottawa v. L.A. tomorrow at 7ET!

***

@roselandryunofficial: First of all Beyoncé is the Rose Landry of music. Please gtfo with this Tate comparison

@ottawacentaursdaily: Who the fuck is Troy’s?

@troybarrettsabs: @ottawacentaursdaily the fact that I can’t figure it out is genuinely worrying me

@guardians_guy: @troybarrettsabs probably Kent

@troybarrettsabs: @guardians_guy LMAOOOO check out this guy!! He thinks Dallas Kent is more famous than Shane Hollander!! Bruuuuhhh I needed that laugh, thank you for real 😂

@guardians_guy: @troybarrettsabs your dick riding for a fucking loser

@troybarrettsabs: @guardians_guy you’re* dick riding for a fucking loser in jail

@kingfishernyc: 🕺🕺🕺

@wyatthayes: Savage @harrisdrover

@mrsrozanov: Everyone picking Shane :( Ilya bb you are the most famous in my heart, body, p*ssy, and soul ❤️

@ottawacentaursdaily: @mrsrozanov MODS 😭

@cens_or_ship: @ottawacentaursdaily it’s always this bitch changing the vibe 💀

@roselandrybrasil: 🇧🇷🇧🇷🇧🇷

@hollanov_fanart: This week has me looking like the Charlie day meme trying to make something cute out of Shane picking his ex gf here. But still I rise

@shane_hollander_fan: that’s my pookie, king of being famous and relevant

@scotthunter: Eh to you too @ilyarozanov

@tatemcrae: so no text? 💋

Chapter End Notes

Alright you guys basically wrote this for me in the comments of the last chapter, I feel like I just transcribed it hahaha so major major MAJOR shoutouts to chaosatsea, PinkLetterDay, and lydiablackblade!! Thank you guys so much for engaging with this fic!! I appreciate every single comment and obviously find them very inspiring lol, so thank you!! <3

---
edit: omg no one knows who Tate McRae is, which was halfway the point, but also you will recognize this song (Greedy) which is literally set in a hockey rink because her ex, an NHL player, cheated on her:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=To4SWGZkEPk

She was also the entertainment at the NHL All Star Game in 2024 but I am pedantic enough to care that this story is set in 2021-2022, which, okay I just googled it and apparently Greedy didn't even come out until 2023 so let's all just agree to suspend our disbelief on this one:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7pAci7lN3qE

I didn't make her up!! I promise she is super famous with Gen-Z! Just not a household name quite yet! And Ilya is hip with the culture! Just imagine she went out to the gay club with Ilya and Scott! She's also Canadian and a big hockey fan, okay I'm done here.

---
edit again: omg this chapter was posted May 2025 before the Great Tate Takeover of 2025!! pls trust I am addressing the comments here I am not kidding when I say that Sports Car was my top played song on Spotify this year 😭 also lol as I type this she is currently dating Jack Hughes I'm sorry but I feel psychic with this pick 💀

———
edit AGAIN: we have irl fan art

https://x.com/connorstupdates/status/2018421119527551000?s=46&t=Fcr2x9myYlpv0QkOTEPpsw

Chapter 20: What's your favorite treat food?

Chapter Notes

Question of the Day! What’s your favorite treat food?

Cut.

Cut.

Cut.

Cut.

Cut.

Cut.

Cut.

Cut.

Ilya and Shane walk into the frame.

Shane glares.

Ilya smirks at Shane.

Shane pushes past Ilya to the rink.

Ilya smiles and winks at the camera.

Cut.

A title drops:
Watch out, Montreal! We’re coming for our treats and for the win!
Ottawa v. Montreal tomorrow at 7ET!

***

@censational: Like this comment if you had to google creatine

@troybarrettsabs: If you can’t love him at his grilled salmon, you don’t deserve him at his apple cider 💔

@rail_me_shane_hollander: LEAVE SHANEY ALONE !!

@confiseriespruengli: DM us your address @lucahaas! 😋

@lucahaas: @confiseriespruengli 😄

@lucahaashavemychildren: @lucahaas me too

@lucahaas: @lucahaashavemychildren 😳

@mrsrozanov: Would still kiss Ilya’s McGriddle McMouth any day 😍😍😍

@centaurs1994: This video made me hungry

@hollanov_fanart: Great now I have to draw them eating dinner together I’m legally obligated to thanks a lot

@schwartzsofficial: Come back to the Voyageurs @shanehollanderhockeyplayer!

@shane_hollander_fan: Recipe for Shane’s favorite pregame smoothie on my page btw

@ottawa_centaurs_daily: @shane_hollander_fan yeah no one wants that

Chapter End Notes

Guys. GUYS. THE CASTING. THE TIKTOKS. I'M SHRIEKINGGGGGGGGG. I'M OBSESSED.

In case you missed it:

https://www.tiktok.com/@heatedrivalrycrave/video/7512499018874899719

Also I made a burner IG if anyone wants to talk to me there hahaha same username as here!

Chapter 21: What’s your pregame ritual?

Chapter Notes

Question of the Day! What’s your pregame ritual?

Troy’s face turns a vivid shade of red as the camera cuts. “You said you weren’t doing that one!”

“Just don’t say that one! I’ll cut this out!”

“You set me up!”

“Shh! I’m starting again!”

Cut.

Cut.

Cut.

Cut.

Ilya pulls his chain out of his jersey and holds it so it’s visible.

He kisses the cross.

He kisses the ring.

Shane starts counting on his fingers.

Cut.

Cut.

Cut.

Cut.

Cut.

Holmberg grabs their sticks and sets them aside.

The two of them reenact, with perfect accuracy, the secret handshake from The Parent Trap.

The Parent Trap song starts playing as the title drops over footage of Ilya skating around the rink giving everyone a fist bump.

GET READY! PLAYOFFS START TONIGHT!
Ottawa v. Montreal at 7ET!

***

@censcenscens: LET’S GOOOOOOO

@centaurs76: WE’RE SO BACK

@ilyarozanovdoingthings: @centaurs76 BEEN BACK BABY

@irinafoundation: 🥳🥳🥳

@katethegreat613: You’ve got this boys! Willa and Andrew have their game faces on! 😊

@annabanana06: @lucahaas 🇸🇨🇸🇨🇸🇨

@ottawa_centaurs_daily: KEEP IT UP BOYS ITS WORKING ITS ALL WORKING NEVER STOP

@troybarrettsabs: Hello yes I immediately need to know if you’ve ever taken one of Troy’s suggestions thank you 🙏

@centaurs1994: not the rookie handshake 💀 Lindsay Lohan wishes!!!

@shanes_tape: I can’t believe he forgot me after all we’ve been through

@shane_hollander_fan: @shanes_tape I noticed too!! My baby is too anal about his tape for this to go unmentioned!! 😭

@ilyarozanovsmoking: @shanes_tape at least ur man still loves u 😔 mine quit me entirely

@shane_hollander_fan: Full guide to all of Shane’s (known) pregame rituals pinned to my page!

***

“Someone asked what your suggestions have been for the question of the day.” Harris called out from bed.

“Oh my God.” Troy’s groan came from the kitchen, voice growing louder as he returned with two cups of water. “I can’t believe you asked me what my pregame ritual is with no warning.”

“But it’s so cute when you blush like that!” Harris giggled.

“What happened to favorite color?”

“Buddy, you know that’s too boring for QOTD. The idea is to get people out of their heads for a little before the game!”

“You’re the creative one! I’m just here to help! Scoot over.” Troy joined his boyfriend, leaning over to see the comments. “Are you going to respond?”

Harris turned off his phone and set it on the bedside table. “I think I’m more interested in your postgame ritual right now, actually.”

Troy rubbed his face into Harris’ cheek. “Right now, I think my postgame ritual is going to be passing the fuck out.”

Harris kissed the top of his head. “Multiple rounds, he said.”

“Shut up.”

“A celebration for the ages.”

“Mmmf.”

“Goodnight. Proud of you.”

“Love you.” Troy’s words muffled into the space between Harris’ neck and his pillow.

“Love you too, stud.”

Chapter End Notes

This was rated G for so long but I don’t actually think it’s possible to write for this fandom without being rated M so I’m finally updating that WHOOPS

Chapter 22: Shout out your kids!

Question of the Day! Shout out your kids!

Cut.

Cut.

Chiron, wearing a doggie Centaurs jersey, barks at the camera.

Cut.

Cut.

Cut.

Cut.

Cut.

Cut.

Cut.

Cut.

Shane and Ilya are caught up in conversation, game faces on as they head to the rink.

Shane rolls his eyes.

Ilya gasps dramatically.

Shane looks directly into the camera.

Cut.

Bood holds his hand up to the glass and gets a tiny little fist bump from Milo as Cassie holds him up to say hi to his dad.

THE OTTAWA CENTAURS: THE DADDIES OF THE NHL!
Ottawa v. Montreal at 7ET!

***

@shane_hollander_fan: “talk to me in a few years” screaming crying throwing up at the idea of Shane as a parent

@lucahaashavemychildren: My time to shine

@censcenscens: @lucahaashavemychildren username checks out

@mrsrozanov: ANYA MY LOVE!!!

@mrsrozanov: Oh, to be Ilya Rozanov and Shane Hollander’s pet

@cens_or_ship: @mrsrozanov Why are you like this?

@hockeymemes: If Hollander doesn’t have any kids then who tf are these random children they’re showing him with in Montreal bc it’s giving father

@shanes_tape: @hockeymemes Those are Hayden Pike’s kids!

@hockeymemes: @shanes_tape Damn sucks that those kids are gonna cry tonight, cens are on fire

@kristyhayes90: Love you Wy! The kids say hi!

@troybarettsabs: Pinned highlight on my page of Troy and Chiron if you even care 😔

@harrisdrover: @troybarettsabs I care! 🙋‍♂️😂

@troybarettsabs: @harrisdrover Harris if you don’t stop rubbing your success in my face rn I swear to god 🙄🙄🙄 (love u never stop)

@harrisdrover: @troybarettsabs Never stop posting Troy’s abs! 😭😂💖

@mrsrozanov: @troybarettsabs Where’s the one with Ilya from last Christmas?

@troybarrettsabs: @mrsrozanov Oops, adding now!

@mrsrozanov: @troybarettsabs Thank you ❤️

@hollanovfanart: Stop this I’m ovulating 😭

@mrsjennyspethotel: Don’t worry Ilya! We are seated and the live feed is on! 😊🐾

@ottawafan76: WOOOO MTL TAKING A VOYAGE AWAY FROM THAT CUP LET’S GO!!!

***

When Ilya returned with a pitcher, Hayden was visibly complaining, which was unsurprising, both because of the devastating loss he’d suffered tonight and also because of Hayden’s generally bad vibes. But, Shane was laughing, so Ilya didn’t really give a shit.

“You know you don’t have to watch the videos. I only ever see them if Ilya shows me.”

“Yeah well, half the time he’s talking shit about me in them, so I have to be on high alert!”

“Half the time I am talking shit about you in what?” Ilya placed the beer on the table.

“Life,” Hayden sighed.

“The question videos,” Shane laughed. “The ones Harris does.”

“You have a very high opinion of yourself if you think I am thinking about you this much, Hayden.” Ilya refilled everyone’s glasses, cocking an eyebrow. “Which does not make any sense, seeing how badly we beat you tonight. Your opinion should not be this high, I don’t think.”

“Jesus Christ, why am I here?” Hayden muttered.

“Behave.” Shane swatted Ilya’s shoulder.

“Look, I’m just saying: you come to my city. You kick my team’s ass. You do a question about kids, take pictures with mine, and you don’t even have to suffer the way I do. You just get to be the fun uncles. It’s bullshit.”

“What do you mean, suffer? Your kids are great, and they are not even here. You are barely a parent. Where is Jackie?”

“You guys are the worst friends.” Hayden rubbed his temples. “I don’t know why I even hang out with you.”

Ilya grinned, mouthing “Friends,” at Shane.

***

Later, when they’d returned to their Montreal hotel room, Ilya laid in bed looking at the Centaurs’ Instagram, a soft smile on his face.

“What?” Shane shot him a quizzical look as he changed into pajamas, and Ilya locked his phone.

“I like what you said, in the video.”

“Huh?”

“A few years.” Ilya shrugged, that lopsided grin crossing his face. “I like this idea. Maybe Hayden is right.”

Shane snorted. “That we should be suffering like he is?”

“He does not mean it. Those kids are the best.”

“Yeah, they’re pretty great.” Shane climbed under the covers, leaning his head against Ilya’s chest.

“Ours will be even better.” Ilya folded him into his arms, kissing his wet hair.

Shane’s cheeks warmed, and he thought his smile might split his face. “Yeah. They will.”

Chapter 23: Name a gay person!

Chapter Notes

Question of the Day! Name a gay person!

Luca blinks, startled like a deer in headlights.

Cut.

Shane sticks his head out of the dressing room.

Cut.

Cut.

Shane blinks and looks around, confused.

Ilya cackles as Shane storms after them.

Cut.

Harris makes a sound like a buzzer.

Cut.

Cut.

Cut.

Harris squeals, and Troy looks proud of himself.

Cut.

Freeze frame on Wyatt’s grin as a title drops saying “ALLY! 🌈”

Cut.

Sneaky footage records the practice.

HAPPY PRIDE!
Ottawa v. Toronto at 7ET!

***

@shanehollanderfan: Muttered “Shane Hollander” before I even watched the whole thing

@ottawafan68: I miss when this team just posted about hockey

@mrsrozanov: @ottawafan68 I miss two seconds ago when I didn’t know you existed

@hollanovfanart: Ellen is prob the straightest possible answer a person could give. That’s a gay person designed in a lab for straight people if u feel me

@ilyarozanovsmoking: @hollanovfanart Haas’ answer however… 👀

@ilya_rozanov_nation: Ilya Rozanov

@shanes_tape: I don’t like that Shane thinks everyone’s making fun of him :( Shane you are simply a role model in all things and that includes homosexuality

@mrsrozanov: BI ERASURE I’M SAYING ILYA ROZANOV 🥵 🌈🌈🌈

@ottawacentaursdaily: Something about this feels like a j*nx… We shouldn’t have done this before facing Toronto. It’s the gayest city in Canada

@datadrivenhockey: @ottawacentaursdaily ya but the cens are the gayest team so maybe it’s like a superpower. Pride bowl playoffs

@troybarrettsabs: EXCUSE ME WHY DID NO ONE SAY MY SHAYLA 😭❤️

@troybarrettsabs: AND WHY DID NO ONE TELL ME TROY IS WATCHING DRAG RACE NOW 😭😭 @harrisdrover YOU OWE ME ANSWERS

@harrisdrover: @troybarrettsabs He’s learning! 😅 His favorite is Katya! 😂😂😂

@s_chouinard: @emilyboyle95 Please tell me you’re making him watch RHOSLC too 😂

@emilyboyle95: @s_chouinard He’s almost caught up!! 🤣

@ottawacentaursdaily: I TAKE IT BACK GAY SUPERPOWERS PRIDE PLAYOFF BOWL FUCK YOU TORONTO

***

Shane looked around practice, grumpy kitten face on, and spoke in the authoritative voice that had made him an impeccable captain. “Hang on, how many of you said me? Show of hands.”

Ilya and Bood raised their hands high, beginning to giggle, while three others wavered more hesitantly.

“Harris wouldn’t let me.” Troy chimed in.

“Technically, I said like six people at once!” Wyatt yelled from the goal post.

“FIVE?! Seriously?!”

“Is bullshit!” Ilya snatched the puck they’d been loosely warming up with. “I am so much more fun at being gay than Hollander! Barrett and Hollander, they are terrible at it!”

“Hey what the fuck? I’m fun!” Troy called, Shane glaring beside him.

Ilya skated around and corralled Shane away from the rest of the team, dropping his voice. “Are you upset?”

“No. Maybe. I don’t know.” Shane grumbled.

“Look at it this way: you finally won a question of the day!” Ilya teased. “I’m so proud of you.”

Shane shoved him. “Can we start practice already? Captain?”

“Kinky, Hollander.” Ilya winked. “No wonder everyone thinks you are so gay for me.”

“I hate you.”

“No, I don’t think so, moy pobeditel.”

Shane’s brow furrowed for a moment before giving up. “Nope, no idea. What’s that one?”

“Winner.”

Chapter End Notes

Imagine I posted this during June and during the playoffs and it actually works okay??

Hopefully this is tracking but they’re in the second round and defeated Montreal

Chapter 24: How would you survive a zombie invasion?

Question of the Day! How would you survive a zombie invasion?

Cut.

Shane looks briefly bewildered.

Cut.

Cut.

Cut.

Bood holds his stick up to the camera.

Cut.

Cut.

Cut.

Cut.

Cut.

Shane skates over, face flushed.

Ilya feigns exasperation and looks directly into the camera, trying to look intimidating.

Shane cracks a smile as he watches his husband huff.

Shane’s face splits into a childish grin as he puts his hands to his mouth, and makes a stupid Canadian wolf bird call. Ilya grins with pride.

Cut.

Luca looks onto the ice, baffled.

Cut.

A video of a wolf howling.

Ottawa v. Toronto at 7ET!

***

@unfortunatelyanottawafan: Hey so what the fuck

@puckleberryfinn: Yeah we’re taking the cup

@s_chouinard: Good answer baby!

@shanehollanderunofficial: Trying to decide if this is big enough Shane Hollander news to repost. I think yes?

@shanehollanderfan: @shanehollanderunofficial Yes. Yes it is.

@rail_me_shane_hollander: I’ve never loved him more than in this moment

@ottawacentaursdaily: @rail_me_shane_hollander username checks out

@hockeymemes: *saved*

@mrsrozanov: The way Ilya looks at Shane shfsjzncjskajxbdhsbs when is it my turn 🥺

@guardiansguy69: Lol while you guys were playing Boy Scouts we we were playing hockey but ok

@censational: @guardiansguy69 cope harder loser

@troybarrettsabs: Troy baby why would u do Chiron like that 😭 Defend him 😭

@hazysheroes: LET 🗣️ MY 🗣️ MAN 🗣️COOK 🗣️

@cens_or_ship: Hate to be this guy, but I’ve lived in Ottawa my whole life, and I’m pretty sure that was the call of a common loon.

@ilyarozanov: @cens_or_ship No it’s a wolf

@mrsrozanov: @ilyarozanov ILYA IN THE COMMENTS ILY 😍😍😍

***

Anya was barking at the door when they came home from the game, another win under the belt.

“Shh, moya volchitsa. It’s okay, I am here now, my sweet girl.” Ilya crouched to embrace her, letting himself get sucked into the fluffy cyclone around his legs.

“Volchitsa?”

Ilya looked up and grinned as she trampled him on the floor.

“Volchitsa. For when we face the zombies. I have you, moy volk, and Anya, moya volchitsa.”

Shane took a moment to think before a knowing grin took over his face. “Wolf? Seriously?”

“Awoooo!”

Chapter 25: Who’s your celebrity crush?

Chapter Notes

Question of the Day! Who’s your celebrity crush?

Cut.

Cut.

Cut.

Cut.

Shane enters the frame.

Troy winks.

Cut.

Shane rubs the back of his head and grins.

Cut.

Cut.

Cut.

Ilya saunters into frame.

The question hits Ilya and a goofy grin spreads across his face.

Cut.

Ilya immediately skates back into frame, harassing him from the inside the rink.

Luca turns beet red.

A title drops:

The Ottawa Centaurs: our celebrity crushes! Ottawa v. Toronto at 7ET!

***

@hollanov_fanart: Gnawing my ARM OFF everyone say THANK YOU HARRIS 😭😭😭

@hollanovvv: @hollanov_fanart WE HAVE BEEN SUMMONED 🕯️ THANK YOU HARRIS!😍

@emilyboyle95: ❤️

@shanehollanderunofficial: “I married mine” 🥺

@troybarrettsabs: @harrisdrover lowkey I see it

@harrisdrover: @troybarrettsabs 😂😂😂

@roselandry: It’s okay @ilyarozanov you can have him

@roselandrysbathwater: @roselandry ROSE IN THE COMMENTS THIS IS NOT A DRILL 🚨 ‼️

@mrsrozanov: My celeb crush is Ilya Rozanov 😍 I would climb him like a tree! 🥵

@ottawacentaursdaily: @mrsrozanov We know.

@sassycassieb: Great choice babe, we’re watching Bring It On when you get home

@hazysheroes: Starting a petition for a new ep on Wonder Woman

@ilyarozanov: @roselandry can you fight?

Chapter End Notes

Blatantly plugging young Jesse Plemons as my Harris fancast idgaf

Chapter 26: What’s your love language?

Chapter Notes

Question of the Day! What’s your love language?

Troy stands in front of the camera with his hands on his hips, ready for the question. He has clearly been taught what this means ahead of time.

Troy blushes.

Cut.

Cut.

Cut.

A booming voice joins them.

The kids snicker, and Bood lightly smacks Holmberg on the head.

He looks into the camera and winks.

Cut.

Cut through Harris’ explanation.

Cut.

Cut.

Cut through Harris explaining.

Cut.

Cut.

Shane skates into frame.

Ilya scowls.

Ilya’s frown melts immediately and he looks over at Shane, fondness radiating off of him.

Shane smirks, makes a gotcha face, and skates away.

Cut through Harris explaining.

Ilya smiles.

Cut.

Bood stands with his arm around Coach Wiebe, who’s grinning expectantly.

A title drops:

Our love language is watching the Ottawa Centaurs! Ottawa v. Toronto at 7ET!

***

@mrsrozanov: dw shaney my love language is listening to Rozanov speak Russian too 🥵 MOY DADDYYYY 😛😛😛

@ottawaordie: I remember when this team used to post about hockey

@shanes_tape: Shane’s actual love language might just be hockey

@rail_me_shane_hollander: @shanes_tape or paranoid rituals

@shane_hollander_fan: @shanes_tape Shane’s love languages: perfect tape, having his parents at a game, green juice, winning, being perfect ✨

@troybarrettsabs: Troy 🥵 Acts 😤 Of 🤤 Service 🍆 Barrett 🥵

@ottawacentaursdaily: Can you post the Haas goal

@lucahaashavemychildren: @ottawacentaursdaily I second this 😘

@ottawababyyyy: @young_and_hungry delete your hinge I’m bored 😏

@hollanovfanart: And if I draw them taking the Love Languages quiz?? Then what??

***

“Stop watching my answers.” Shane hunched over his laptop on the bed.

“Shane. You are overthinking it.” Ilya leaned to see the screen, still unbuttoning his post-game suit.

“I’m almost done!”

Ilya rolled his eyes and continued undressing.

“Okay. It’s a tie.” Shane straightened like a child presenting his homework. “Quality time and physical touch.”

Ilya raised an eyebrow. “Pervert.”

“Shut up!” Shane threw a pillow. “It’s your turn.”

Ilya sighed, joining him. “Why do I need to take a test?”

“I don’t know, so we can like, understand each other better? Or like, to prove to Bood that we did it?”

“Bood does not need to know anything. What if I want to keep this information all to myself?” He slid an arm around Shane’s back, leaning his face into the crook of his neck. “Maybe I want to be the only one who knows how much you like physical touch and quality time.”

Shane shuddered. “Stop… distracting me.”

The assault on his neck continued, light kisses bringing his skin to life.

“Ilya…”

“Fine,” Ilya sighed, pulling back and reaching around to grab the computer that still showed Shane’s results. “Wow. You do not care if I do any acts of service. I should stop doing things around the house.”

“Hey, I didn’t say that.”

“You are such a slut for praise, I’m surprised that’s not higher.”

Shane looked sheepish. “It’s not that far off. Look. 30% quality time, 30% physical touch, 25% words of affirmation, 10% acts of service, 5% gifts.”

“So I should fuck you into the mattress and tell you I think you are stunning? This is not news, Hollander.”

Shane found a way to pout through a blush. “Restart the quiz, Rozanov.”

“Okay, okay.”

Ilya answered the questions quickly, going off of instinct and rarely pausing, while Shane’s eyes remained glued to the screen.

“I did not watch you when you did this.”

Shane scowled and kept watching.

“Maybe one of your love languages is that you like to watch. Would make sense. You are very into me.”

“Please. You watched the whole time I did this. I’m just not pretending I’m not.”

“Should I tell Bood this is your love language? You like to watch?” Ilya grinned.

“Should I tell Bood you like to suck my dick?”

Ilya rubbed at his stubble thoughtfully. “Yes, but I think this is something he already knows.”

“Finish the quiz. Come on, you’re on the last page.”

“Brat.” Ilya continued clicking with his right hand, but his left started sliding up Shane’s thigh. He was going to make Shane pay for that impatience.

Shane’s nostrils flared as he tried with all his might to resist the bait. Ilya kept palming at him, and Shane’s eyes slid closed as he attempted to ignore how hard he was. Right when he didn’t think he could stand any more teasing, Ilya ripped his hand away and cheerfully chirped, “Done!”

Shane glared, simultaneously annoyed that Ilya had duped him out of seeing his final answers, and that his hand was no longer on his dick. He let out a meditative breath, refusing to acknowledge the cocky look on his husband’s face, then rose to look at the results.

“I knew it.”

“Oh, really?”

“You called me a pervert but I had a fucking tie. Yours is just physical touch!”

Ilya shrugged and threaded his fingers through Shane’s hair. “I like touching you.”

“Let me see the others. I want to know the percentages.”

“You are such a nerd.” Ilya slid the laptop over.

Shane feasted on the intel, though it really wasn’t surprising. “40% physical touch. 25% quality time. 20% words of affirmation. 10% gifts. 5% acts of service.”

Ilya’s eyes remained on the top of Shane’s head. “I like this shampoo. Smells nice.”

With a shy smile, Shane looked over his shoulder. “You know it’s kind of cool we have basically the same ones.”

“Yes. We will never do dishes again.”

“You know what I mean.” Shane snuggled backward.

“I don’t see why we need to pick. Is like, I want to do all of those things for you. It says gifts are not so important but maybe I want to buy you a fancy car. I like when you walk Anya when I am too tired. I think when you love someone, is just obvious. You want to do everything for them.” He dropped a kiss onto Shane’s head. “I want to do everything for you.”

Shane’s heart squeezed. Every now and then, Ilya would hit him with a gut punch of romantic words that he never felt like he could keep up with. Instead, he rolled his head back and kissed him deeply. “Me too. I want to do all of them for you too.”

Ilya kissed him back thoroughly, returning his hand to the front of Shane’s sweatpants.

“Maybe I start with acts of service tonight, yes?”

Shane nodded. “Yes.”

Chapter End Notes

Let’s be real they would all say physical touch

—-
Russian translations:
- moy futbol'nyy myach: my soccer ball
- Zamolchi: shut up
- Vse, chto on khochet: whatever he wants

Chapter 27: Which Centaur would you sit next to on a plane?

Chapter Notes

Question of the Day! Which Centaur would you sit next to on a plane?

Bood is standing at the base of the stairs to a private plane, patiently waiting.

Cut.

Footage: Harris zooms in on Bood, asleep in a neck pillow, mouth open like a fish, dead to the world.

Cut.

Cut.

Footage: Harris takes a video from selfie mode of Troy’s sleeping face crushed into his shoulder.

Cut.

Cut.

Footage: Harris zooms in on Wyatt, face aglow in the plane’s TV screen. His mouth drops open as he starts saying, “HOLY—” before he gets whacked from behind with a pillow. “Sorry! Sorry!”

Cut.

Ilya starts hustling up the steps two at a time.

Ilya pauses and stares straight into the camera, then yells again.

Cut.

Shane looks confused.

Cut.

Footage: Harris zooms in on Shane’s sleeping head resting on Ilya’s shoulder. Ilya’s head is laying on top of Shane’s while he absentmindedly plays with his phone.

Cut.

Cut.

Footage: Harris zooms in on Dystra, head resting face down on his tray table, an unmoving Bood beside him.

Cut.

Cut.

Footage: Lapointe stares out the window broodingly, over-the-ear headphones in, while Harris overlays Vanessa Carlton’s song A Thousand Miles, “MAKING MY WAY DOWNTOWN—”.

Cut.

Cut.

Footage: Wiebe sits in the window seat with his laptop in front of him, and a variety of snacks and beverages on the middle seat’s tray table.

Cut.

He reaches out a fist bump for Young.

Cut.

Footage: Loud laughter from the back of the plane. Holmberg is already locked into a game on his Switch, and Young is looking over his shoulder, repeatedly saying “Dude you’re so cooked. You’re so cooked. Oh my God you’re cooked.” Panning to the left reveals Boyle in the aisle seat glaring at them.

Cut.

Cut.

Footage: Boyle scowls into space as the kids continue talking and gaming.

Cut.

Cut.

Footage: Harris zooms in on Luca, slumped over, asleep in the window seat, while an outraged middle-seat Shane is arguing with Ilya in the aisle.

Cut.

Cut.

Footage: Chouinard clapping when the plane lands. The rest of the team joins in.

Cut.

The team de-planes to a bright, sunny, Tampa afternoon, with Ilya leading the pack. He shoves his face in the camera.

The next round of the playoffs is on! Ottawa v. Tampa tonight at 7ET!

***

@ottawacentaursnews: Centaurs farthest we’ve ever been in the playoffs I’m hard

@censational: @ottawacentaursnews as a rock bro 🤤

@lucahaashavemychildren: *screenshot*

@hazysheroes: My boy Wyatt is literally being slept on

@ottawacentaursdaily: Montreal ☠️ Toronto ☠️ Tampa: NEXT

@ilyarozanovsmoking: Not enough people picking Roz

@shanehollanderunofficial: @ilyarozanovsmoking They know that seat’s taken love 💋

@ilyarozanovsmoking: @shanehollanderunofficial HAHA I THOUGHT THIS WAS REALLY SHANE FOR A SECOND AND I WAS LIKE OKAYYY CUNTYYYY CLAIM YOUR MAN THEN!!

@shanehollanderunofficial: @ilyarozanovsmoking 😂😂😂

@young_and_hungry: HOLD UP ✋ this is character assassination

@harrisdrover: @young_and_hungry you can’t prove anything 😂😂

@young_and_hungry: @harris_drover THIS WAS A SIX AM FLIGHT THESE FUCKS ARE JUST AS LOUD AS ME AND HOLMBERG ON A REGULAR BASIS

@censcenscens: Was Bood wearing a Snuggie…?

@mrsrozanov: My FBI agent is soooo sick of watching this video 🙄

@allezlescens: How many drinks does Wiebe need damn

@zane_boodram: Harris stop putting family business on the internet I have rights

Chapter End Notes

Listen is this a biblically accurate hockey playoffs bracket? No. Do I care to fix it?? NO!!!!!

And thank you to Anna for the inspiration here 🥰

Chapter 28: What's something your teammates don't know about you?

Question of the Day! What’s one thing your teammates don’t know about you?

The team walks in a line as they exit the dressing room.

Cut.

Cut.

Cut.

Ilya and Luca exit the locker room. Ilya is talking with his hands while Luca watches with rapt attention.

He winks.

Cut.

Ilya lightly smacks his helmet.

Luca nods and gets on the ice.

Shane pauses as the question registers, looks at Ilya, and immediately loses it laughing.

A slow, suggestive grin crosses Ilya’s face, and Shane starts nervously laughing again, turning red as he walks away.

Ilya skates off after him.

Cut.

Cut.

Cut.

Ilya drags Shane back into frame by his jersey like a lion with its cub.

Cut.

Shane sings the alphabet backwards as Ilya watches, smile caught between smug and fond.

Cut.

Cut.

Cut.

Troy grins and looks past the camera.

The whole team flies into frame, speeding back from the ice to dogpile him with shouts of congratulations.

Troy looks sheepish.

The whole team starts chanting and jumping on Troy. The camera goes shaky for a second as Ilya drags Harris into the circle.

Cut.

Titles roll with information about the game over footage of Ilya rapping in Russian.

The chase to the cup is still on! Ottawa v. Tampa tonight at 7ET!

***

@troybarrettsabs: BARRIS ENGAGED????????

@troybarrettsabs: [eye twitching] no I’m happy for you. I’m so happy for you. Definitely don’t wish that was me. This is great news. I love it

@harrisdrover: @troybarrettsabs 😂😂😂

@ottawacentaursdaily: Oh there’s no way we’re losing this one

@mrsrozanov: Roz and Barrett’s bestie relationship is actually so important to my mental health

@hollanov_fanart: SHANE PICKED THE RINGS 😭

@censational: Not the power of love on our side 😩 get fucking REKT TAMPA

@lucahaashavemychildren: CONGRATS BARRIS brb googling ISTJ compatibility

@censcenscens: Why the fuck would Barrett propose during the playoffs

@troybarrettsabs: @censcenscens some of u have never heard of love and joy in ur life jealousy is a disease get well soon

@ilyarozanovdoingthings: The betrayal on Roz’s face at not getting a FaceTime 😭

@troybarrettfanpage: TROYYY MY BABYYYYYYY CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

@troybarrettfanpage: Barris highlight pinned to my page btw 😇

@troybarrettsabs: @troybarrettfanpage thank u monarch 🙏 god’s work fr 🙏🙏

@allezlescens: If they don’t get their heads in the game rn I swear to fucking god

@droverfarms: 🥹❤️

@shanehollanderunofficial: Oh I know my son sent him some shit out of his price range

@mrsrozanov: Don’t mind me I’m just back here watching Roz rap in Russian

@troybarrettsabs: @mrsrozanov still here. Rewatching. First date at a spa. God has favorites

@centaursforlife: IF YOU GO OUT CELEBRATING AND DON’T POST THAT GOAL I SWEAR TO FUCKING GOD 🔫🔫🔫

@ottawacentaursdaily: TAMPA FOUND DEAD IN A DITCH

@allezlescens: Nvm barris they could never make me hate you 🙏

@censational: TROY MOTHERFUCKING BARRETT BITCH

@shane_hollander_fan: TROZ ALLEGATIONS DEFEATED ✅ TAMPA PUKING ✅ HOLLANOVARETT GOALS ✅ SHANE BACKWARDS ABCS ✅ IS THIS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE?? 😭😭😭

Chapter 29: What's the most romantic thing you've ever done for someone?

Chapter Notes

Question of the Day! What's the most romantic thing you've ever done for someone?

Cut.

Cut.

Cut.

Cut.

Cut.

Troy smiles shyly past the camera, and Harris sounds a little choked up in his response.

Cut.

Cut.

Cut.

Ilya walks up, clearly having heard the conversation.

Cut.

Ilya is uncharacteristically blushy.

Shane walks into frame and gives Harris a flat look past the camera.

They exchange looks, clearly trying to psychically decide how much to share.

Ilya tries to look tough, but his eyes have gone soft.

They look up, suddenly remembering they’re being filmed.

Shane skates off.

Cut.

Sneaky footage records Shane and Ilya arguing in Russian on the ice while information of the game floats by.

The Ottawa Centaurs: the most romantic team in the league, fighting the playoffs with the power of love on our side! Ottawa v. Tampa tonight at 7ET!

***

@ottawacentaursdaily: If we don’t win does that mean they all break up

@ilyarozanovdoingthings: IT’S THE BIRD ISN’T IT

@hollanov_fanart: @ilyarozanovdoingthings IT HAS TO BE THE BIRD 😭

@cens_or_ship: If I had a nickel for every couple on the cens, I'd have two nickels. Which isn't a lot, but it's weird that it happened twice

@lucahaashavemychildren: @lucahaas babe I’m right here.

@ottawabirdwatching: @ilyarozanovdoingthings Pretty sure it’s a common loon. 🤓

@ilyarozanovdoingthings: @ottawabirdwatching Ottawa birdwatching society you will always be famous 🙏

@mrsrozanov: ILYA ROZANOV THE ROMANTIC THAT YOU ARE 💔💔 PINNED STORY ON MY PAGE OF KNOWN AND THEORIZED ACTS OF LOVE AND MOMENTS OF BEING SEXY (SEPARATE HIGHLIGHTS JUST THOUGHT I’D MENTION)

@troybarrettsabs: @harrisdrover you’re laughing. We’re in playoffs and you’re laughing at me.

@s_chouinard: @cait_the_great92 you’re showing me the song

@cait_the_great92: @s_chouinard if I had a recording I would 😂

@allezlescens: I doubted Barris last time and I will not do it again

@allezlescens: Like this comment for the power of love beating Tampa

@centaurs5eva: No one mentioned the most romantic thing Roz has done for both Hollzy and for me personally: moving to Ottawa

@unfortunatelyanottawafan: @centaurs5eva would make sweet love to that man for that goal alone tbh

@shanes_tape: How am I supposed to go about my day knowing they both proposed????

@livster127: @ella_enchanted2002 did you see this

@ella_enchanted2002: @livster127 😳

@centaursforlife: POWER 🔌 OF 😤 LOVE 🫦‼️

@ottawacentaursnews: LFGGGG LEGGO LUCA

@allezlescens: HOW DO YOU SAY SUCK MY FUCKING DICK TAMPA IN RUSSIAN

***

“You two,” Harris pointed an accusatory finger as he slurred through his third cider of celebrations, “dodged my question today. What’s the real most romantic thing you’ve ever done for each other?”

“Not an easy question.” Ilya merely shrugged, a secretive smirk on his face, but the rare, victorious drink had his lightweight husband turning red immediately.

“Yeah, Harris, you’ve gotta stop hitting us with hardballs right before games.” Wyatt piped up. “I always think of better answers afterwards while we’re playing.”

“You don’t think about the game while it’s happening anyways.” Bood chirped. “Goalies, man. Fucking weird.”

“For what it’s worth, I agree.” Troy nodded, a little too heavily, given that he was actually on his fourth cider of the night. “I thought the question of the day was supposed to be what’s your drink of choice? What happened to that plan?”

“Eh. Realized you were all going to say beer and it would be boring.”

The table looked down at their empty glasses and had to let out reluctant agreement.

“Still, that was cold. You know how many people have texted me asking about that song now?” Dykstra made a sour face.

“Yes. People keep tagging me in pictures of birds. Not even loons! Just birds!” Ilya scoffed.

“I’m not complaining.” Young looked up from his phone, grinning. “Ella texted me.”

The team let out a collection of wolf-whistles, patting him on the back.

“I am complaining.” Luca said in a flat tone. “I am getting a lot of… pictures. In my DMs.”

“Attaboy, rookie.” Bood clapped him on the shoulder. “Glasses up! To the power of love!”

Thundering cheers of fifteen NHL players boomed through the bar.

“To the power of love!”

***

“It’s too many to choose from.” Shane’s voice was garbled as he leaned into his husband on the walk back to their hotel room.

“Mmm?”

“Too many romantic things, or whatever.”

Ilya’s lips quirked up as he swiped their keycard, shepherding him into the room. He watched in amusement as Shane flopped onto the bed. He really was such a fucking lightweight.

“Like, I wouldn’t know where to begin. And I don’t think they should get that, you know? Like I know you want to be more open now with the fans but I just think those things are for us.” He sighed, rambling as he stared at the hotel ceiling.

Ilya began untying his husband’s shoes from where they hung off the bed, completely enamored with drunk Shane.

“Those guys’ answers were lame anyways. I don’t know. Maybe I should’ve bragged more. Like, how many of them can say you moved for me?”

“All of them can say I moved for you.”

“Pshh.” Shane swatted at Ilya’s face with his hand. “You know what I mean.”

“I do.”

“And hey!” A thought suddenly occurred in his drunk brain, and he snapped up, almost hitting Ilya in the head with the speed. “You really don’t think you proposed first?!”

“You need a ring for a proposal!”

“You said you wanted to marry me! That counts!”

“Was a proposal to propose. You beat me to it, because you are a competitive little shit.”

“Am not.”

“Am too.”

“Whatever. You like it.” Shane fell flat back on the bed, and Ilya set aside the shoes, joining him.

“I do,” Ilya leaned in and kissed his cheek. “Ya tebya ochen lyublyu.”

Shane tried to repeat it back, but it came out a little butchered in his sleepy state. “I’m beat.”

“Mm, no. We won, moy trofey.”

Shane cracked a suspicious eye open. “Did you just call me a trophy husband?”

“Well, one of us has to score the goals.”

“Dick,” Shane grinned, closing his eyes again as he smacked Ilya’s chest, before nuzzling into it. “I got the assist.”

Ilya kissed the top of his head. “Come on. You are going to pass out in these clothes if you don’t get up.”

“Don’t want to.” Shane yawned. “Can you take them off for me? I really wanted to fuck you tonight but I’m about two seconds from crashing.”

“Is okay. Sleep.” Ilya pressed a soft kiss to his lips. “I love you.”

“Love you,” Shane mumbled, and did exactly that.

Chapter End Notes

It's the one year anniversary of QOTD!

This was my first fic for the GCU and I can't believe it's still going. I've never had a fic run for a full year, so this is kind of crazy to me. Thank you guys so much for all of the comments and support along the way! I honestly would've stopped writing it a long time ago if not for the extremely kind community you guys have given me so truly thank you so much!!

Also I genuinely cannot decide what the most romantic thing either of them has done for each other is, and I don't think Shane is emotionally-aware enough to know either. There are so many options!! Curious what you guys think it is though!

---

Ya tebya ochen lyublyu = I love you very much
Moy trofey = my trophy

Chapter 30: What's the most embarrassing thing you've ever done drunk?

Chapter Notes

Question of the Day! What's the most embarrassing thing you’ve ever done drunk?

Cut.

Cut.

Cut.

Cut.

Cut.

Shane grimaces and looks to the ice momentarily.

Cut.

Cut.

Cut.

Troy winces.

Cut.

Cut.

Cut.

Cut.

Information about the game rolls over a grainy montage of Ilya celebrating with the Stanley Cup in 2014, absolutely hammered.

He chugs beer out of it.
He rips his T-shirt apart on top of the parade float.
He yells at the crowd, beating his bare chest.
He leads the team in a prayer circle around it, kissing his chain and raising it to the sky, still shirtless.
He takes selfies with it.
He pumps it over his head at a DJ booth in a club.
He sways into his teammates in the club, almost falling down.
He raises it above his head, kissing it and saying “I love you.”
He does the worm, the Cup next to him on the ground.

The Ottawa Centaurs: masters of celebrating! Ottawa v. Tampa tonight at 7ET!

***

@ottawacentaursnews: No fucking way did they just post footage of another team winning the cup are you fucking kidding me

@censational: ✝️ I REBUKE ✝️

@unfortunatelyanottawafan: If this just jinxed us I’m gonna kms

@cens_or_ship: Not cool

@lucahaashavemychildren: I want a Spiderman!!

@ilyarozanovsmoking: They forgot the part when he used it as an ashtray ☹️

@allezlescens: Barris I’m back to doubting you wtf why would you post this

@mrsrozanov: Ugh yes shirtless Ilya 🫦👅👅👅

@ilya_rozanov_shirtless: @mrsrozanov You think how I think bb 😛 it’s been too long since I watched these videos thank you 🤤

@shanehollanderfan: Shane is too pure for this world

@ryanprice12: Could’ve done without the texts @troybarrettofficial

@hazys_heroes: Avatar episode WHEN

@okanaganhockey: We still tell that story too Holmberg 😂

@hockey_memes: The amount of mileage I’ve gotten out of Ilya Rozanov praying shitfaced would horrify you people

***

February 2015 — Newark, New Jersey

Jane: 816

Jane: Where the f uck are u

Jane: Funk you

Jane: Fuck

Jane: Fuck u ashole never mind

Jane: Unsent

Jane: Unsendd

Lily: ?

Lily: Are you drunk Hollander?

Jane: shut up

Jane: Whattaking solong

Lily: Aren’t you in New Jersey?

Jane: Its not the far

Jane: That far

Jane: Only neward

Jane: Well be tired but you don’t play for 3 days I cchecked

Lily: You think I’m in ny

Jane: ?

Lily: I’m in Elmont 😂

Lily: How is the hangover?

Jane: Get fucked

Lily: Like you wanted to last night? 😉

Lily: Wanted to get railed after your big win?

Jane: 🙄

Lily: Did not even send me a hotel 😂 just the number 😂

Jane: Deleting your number bye

Lily: Playing Anaheim next month. Same weekend you play LA

Lily: See you there 😉

Jane: 🖕

***

Shane groaned in humiliation at the screenshot.

“Why the fuck would you keep these?”

“They are very cute!” Ilya’s eyes crinkled as he giggled down as his Boring folder.

“Get that away from me.” Shane batted at the phone, making his way to the coffeemaker.

“Neward!” Ilya cackled. “We had not texted for like, a month before this!”

“I hate you.”

“Yes.” Ilya smiled, still rereading the messages, frozen in time on an older version of iOS. “So much you wanted me to take a train to fuck you.”

Shane sighed, closing his eyes. “I’m gonna kill Harris.”

“Are you going to tell him ‘funk you’?”

“God, you’re insufferable.” Shane pinched the bridge of his nose, and Ilya wrapped his arms around him. “Please, for the love of God, delete those.”

“I like them. Is nice to remember how horny you were for me even before we were together.”

“Do I need to remind you that you were the one who Ubered to LA from Anaheim after that?”

Ilya shrugged, completely unembarrassed. “Was in love with you. Who cares?”

Shane let out a long-suffering sigh, exasperation clearly melting.

“Yeah, well. I love you too.”

“I know.” The smugness didn’t leave Ilya’s face as he bent to kiss Shane’s grumpy little face. “Is the best.”

“Delete them.”

“Maybe.”

Chapter End Notes

In case it's not clear, Shane played in Newark, NJ, and misread the schedule since there are two New York teams, one in NYC and one in Elmont, and both abbreviations begin with NY. NYC and Newark are only ~30 minutes away from each other and there's a direct train.

Anaheim is about 45 min-1 hour south of LA.

Wyatt's most beautiful woman in the world is of course, Dr. Lisa.

Also, I finally looked up Holmberg's actual name and went back and edited it. Him, LaPointe, and Young are mentioned in literally ONE line in Role Model during Ilya's post-plane pep talk. Thus far in this fic, I have referred to him as Holmber, Holmer, and Holmberg. I got it right in exactly one chapter out of the previous twenty nine, and there are several where he is not mentioned at all. My apologies to that man, but the tag has been there from the beginning: I do not care about the random other Centaurs lmao. Also massive inconsistencies in whether or not Harris censors them swearing. This is not important to me either. Thank you for being here. Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk.

Chapter 31: You're good at hockey, but bad at...?

Chapter Notes

Question of the Day! You’re good at hockey, but bad at…?

The team runs out of their private plane, whooping and yelling.

Cut.

The team gets ready, walking into the Los Angeles arena.

Ilya raises an eyebrow, grinning.

Shane storms off onto the ice.

Cut.

Cut.

He stops Luca as he walks out.

Luca blushes while LaPointe claps him on the back like the proud father he is.

Cut.

Cut.

Cut.

Cut.

Cut.

Cut.

Cut.

Cut.

Dykstra grimaces.

The Ottawa Centaurs: the most humble team in the league! The Stanley Cup finals start tonight! Ottawa v. Los Angeles tonight at 7ET!

***

@ottawacentaursdaily: LET’S FUCKING GOOOOOOOOOO

@cens_or_ship: Erect to say the least

@ilya_rozanov_nation: Ilya is a perfect angel who is bad at nothing 😇😇😇

@censforever: WE’RE SO FUCKING BACK

@unfortunatelyanottawafan: I used to pray for days like this 🙏

@hollanov_fanart: Okay well now I have to draw Anya again 😭

@cait_the_great92: Get me a win for our anniversary and we’re even @e_dykstra

@mrsrozanov: Sounds to me like he’s good with dogs 👅 that’s MY father figure bb

@mrsjennyspethotel: We think you’re a great dog trainer @ilyarozanov! Good luck out there! 😂

@rail_me_shane_hollander: Bad at Yahtzee smh who gives a shit he’s good at everything else

@cens_or_ship: Boys I’m scared I’m going soft

@ottawacentaursnews: Does this ref have fucking eyes????? What the hell is going on??????

@allezlescens: Harris I’m back to blaming you 🔫 why would you tell them they’re bad at things before finals 🔫

@lucahaashavemychildren: I fear the loml is… in his own words…. cooked ☹️

@unfortunatelyanottawafan: Rescheduling my lobotomy

***

The mood in the visitor dressing room was tense as Coach Wiebe clapped his hands.

“Alright. Not the result we were hoping for, and we’re not going to unpack it all right now, but I just want to say that I’m proud of the work you guys put in tonight. That was a hell of a fight, and everyone in this arena is going home having watched some damn good hockey. Hollander, those were some beautiful goals you put up.”

The words couldn’t wipe the misery off of Shane’s face.

“Wyatt, all I can say is that I’m excited to get the total tally of how many shots you blocked tonight because those numbers were sky-high. We had assists from both Roz and Bood. Haas, you got a raw deal with that call, and I think the whole crowd knew it.”

Luca smiled sadly at the ground while his teammates scowled at the memory.

“But everyone on this team showed up and showed out tonight, and I want to remind you all that this is only the first game. We’ve got a lot more chances to turn this thing around, so don’t beat yourselves up tonight. Alright?”

Mutters of begrudging agreement sounded through the room, before Ilya stood.

“I would like to say something.”

“Please.” Wiebe nodded.

“Earlier today, Harris asked us all what we are bad at. Maybe we were in a weird headspace, I do not know.”

Troy’s nostrils flared, ready to interject on behalf of his fiancé, but Ilya held up a hand to stop him.

“It is not Harris’ fault. But I think we have maybe gotten bad at losing. We have done something this team has not done in decades. We are in the Stanley Cup fucking finals. If we stopped right here — and I do not plan on stopping — we would still have done more for this team than anyone else in this century.”

He got some stick taps for that, and a loud whoop from Bood.

“I told you last year we were going to the playoffs, and we did that. This year I am telling you we are going to win the Stanley Cup, and we are going to fucking do that.”

The team was grinning now, hope reignited.

“Tonight, we rest. Next week, we fuck up these Californians. Who is with me?”

Shouts of approval rang through the dressing room.

“Centaurs on three!”

***

Shane bumped his arm against Ilya’s as they walked to the bus, speaking his first full sentence since the game had ended.

“You’re so good at that.”

“Hmm?”

“The whole speech thing. Look at the guys.”

In front of them, Wyatt and Bood were locked into a conversation. Young was showing Holmberg and Haas a meme that had them softly chuckling. Most of the team was pretty silent as they moved through the empty Los Angeles parking lot, but they didn’t look nearly as unhappy as they had a half hour ago.

“I think about every time we lost a playoffs game in Montreal, and everyone was basically trying not to scream when we got on the bus.”

Ilya wrapped an arm around him, pulling him in for a bit of comfort even though it was awkward and jostled their duffel bags.

“Is okay if you want to scream, Shane.”

“I know. I kind of do.”

“I do too.” Ilya kissed the top of his head, and in the dark of the night, Shane didn’t fight the rare PDA. He was too tired, too beat, and all he wanted was his husband’s touch.

“You know what you are very bad at?”

“Don’t start.”

“Hitting the puck outside of the net.”

A smile tugged at Shane’s lips. “Stop it.”

“Not showing off how good you are. Skating slow enough for people to keep up with you. You are very bad at these things.”

Shane looked up to meet Ilya’s eyes, so much love radiating off of him that he felt too exhausted to vocalize. He let Ilya lead him to their seats at the back and immediately dropped his head onto his shoulder.

Ilya lowered his voice, murmuring into Shane’s ear.

“You are terrible at being resistible. Not good at that at all. Not very good at teaching Hazy Russian. It is hard when not everyone is as perfect as you, you know.”

Shane’s eyes drifted closed, but the smile grew as he got sleepier listening to the sound of Ilya’s voice.

“Could be better at returning compliments, but is okay. I love you anyway.”

Shane chuckled, nuzzling further into Ilya’s neck. “Sorry. I’m zonked. I love you. So much. I owe you compliments in the morning.”

“Is okay.” Ilya kissed the top of his head. “Ya lyublyu tebya.”

“Ya lyublyu tebya.”

Chapter End Notes

Okay, they had only lost one game in this entire thing lol sorry they needed a loss!

I can't remember who suggested this prompt but thank you for it!! I appreciate you!!

Chapter 32: If you were a fruit, what fruit would you be?

Question of the Day! If you were a fruit, what fruit would you be?

Cut.

Troy tries to tamp down the blushing but it doesn’t work.

Cut.

He winks.

Cut.

Cut.

Cut.

Cut.

Cut.

Cut.

Shane glares as Wyatt enters the frame.

Ilya delights at this information.

Shane turns an angry shade of red. Much like a tomato.

Shane starts to shove him.

Cut.

Ilya grins widely at the camera, Shane nowhere in sight.

Cut.

Game two of the Stanley Cup finals is on tonight! Ottawa v. Los Angeles at 7ET!

***

“I have not heard of this fruit. Kumquat.” Ilya mused as they skated their warm-up laps around the massive Los Angeles arena.

“Don’t say it.”

“It sounds like maybe that is the fruit for you.”

“Cut it out. I’m serious.”

“Is like a mix of all of your favorite things.”

Shane glowered, but his curiosity got the best of him. “Fine. I’ll bite. What’s the other one?”

“Squats.” Ilya smirked into Shane’s angry kitten face. “What? Is true. Or maybe you are a peach. Also from the squats.”

Shane did his best to look exasperated, but he couldn’t stop the corner of his mouth from tugging upwards.

“Is a very good peach.” Ilya winked. “Very juicy, very bitable.”

“You know we’re about to play in the Stanley Cup finals, right?”

“Yes. Is good to stroke your ego before a game like this, I think. Best player in the league, best peach in the world. How can we lose?”

“Shut up.” Shane skated away, feigning annoyance, but Ilya caught the smile splitting his face and laughed. He knew his husband. He had a good feeling about this one.

***

@ottawacentaursnews: Let’s go boys it’s time for the comeback

@mrsrozanov: The things I would do for Ilya’s 🍌🤤

@cens_or_ship: @mrsrozanov jfc we are literally in the finals

@mrsrozanov: @cens_or_ship the human spirit is unbreakable 😍😍

@unfortunatelyanottawafan: This unserious ass team dear god I’ll support them until I die but they fucking try me every day

@hollanov_fanart: Should I draw Shane as a tomato 👉👈

@rail_me_shane_hollander: @hollanov_fanart don’t ask stupid questions yes obviously

@hollanov_fanart: @rail_me_shane_hollander ok damn 😐

@empz69: Fruitiest team in the NHL oh I’m sure

@ilyarozanovdoingthings: @empz69 how does it feel to know you’re going to die tonight

@censational: Two goals for LA in the first period why live

@roselandrysbathwater: ROSE LANDRY SIGHTING NOT A DRILL 🚨🚨🚨 PLS POST HER THANK U ‼️‼️‼️‼️

@shanehollanderunofficial: WE’RE BACK WE’RE SO BACK THAT’S MY FUCKING BOY

@roselandrybrasil: 😍😍😍🇧🇷

@ottawacentaursnews: Overtime I’m gonna jump

@censcenscens: Wiener taking out Hayes like he isn’t the backbone of our society???????????

@lucahaashavemychildren: I’M PREGNANT

@centaurs1994: We should ask what nuts they are next time bc LA can suck on DEEEZZZ NUTZZZZZZZZZZZZ

@hockey_memes: Luca Haas I’m so sorry about what I’m about to do to you

Chapter 33: What kind of nut are you?

Chapter Notes

Question of the Day! If you were a nut, what nut would you be?

Cut.

Cut.

Cut.

Cut.

Cut.

Cut.

Cut.

Cut.

Cut.

Cut.

Cut.

Shane rushes to the rink before Ilya can make it.

Cut.

Cut.

Cut.

Ilya crashes against the glass.

Luca turns red, and Ilya beams, smacking a palm over his rookie’s shoulder and pulling him onto the ice.

A harsh title drops, cutting him off:
We’re nuts about the Ottawa Centaurs! Game three of the Stanley Cup finals is on tonight at 7ET!

***

“—stay away from Hollander!”

“Do NOT put that in the fucking video!” Shane shouted from the rink.

***

@centaurs1994: AIN’T NO WAYYY THEY TOOK MY SUGGESTION SO LA CAN SUCK DEEZ NUTZ 🤣 I feel famous 🤣

@hockey_memes: Kind of impressed by how seriously they all took this

@ottawacentaursdaily: Can’t tell if Haas is gonna cry or play the best game of his life tn

@hazysheroes: YOU CAN’T KEEP GETTING AWAY WITH THIS LET MY BOY SPEAK ON THE PEANUT M&M CRISIS 🗣️🗣️🗣️

@lucahaashavemychildren: I love eating hazelnuts btw

@mrsrozanov: @lucahaashavemychildren me too 😋💦

@unfortunatelyanottawafan: I hate it here 🤦🏻‍♂️

@ilya_rozanov_nation: Hazelnut… and he has hazel eyes… Walk with me… There’s something here…

@troybarrettsabs: Does that make Troy and Shane’s 💦 almond milk

@shanes_tape: All these nsfw comments and I’m just over here thinking about how Shane is suchhhh an almond

@cens_or_ship: Chouinard is a pine nut bc he’s soft as hell wtf was that defense

@ottawacentaursnews: HOLLANDER GOAL WE’RE DRINKING ALMOND MILK TONIGHT BOYS

@shanehollanderunofficial: DEEZ NUTZZZZZZZ 🥜🥜🥜

@cens_or_ship: jfc I bet too much money on this game

@allezlescens: (screaming crying rocking back and forth) it’s only game three it’s only game three it’s only game three

@centaurs1994: THIS ISN’T MY FAULT

Chapter End Notes

Crack treated seriously sorry I hate making them lose :(

Chapter 34: Family Takeover

Question of the Day! Family takeover!

The Ottawa Centaurs arena is packed to the brim, and the audio is noticeably worse in this video as Harris tries to contend with happy fans waiting for the game to start. Troy’s mom and her boyfriend, Charlie, stand in the crowd.

Cut.

Lisa, Kristy and Eve sit in box seats, Eve holding Wyatt’s nephew Isaac.

All four of them cheer together:

Cut.

Cut.

Cassie Boodram is holding her toddler, Milo.

Cut.

Selena Chouinard holds hands with their three children.

Cut.

Cut.

Cut.

Young’s mom and elderly grandmother stand in the crowd wearing Young jerseys.

Cut.

Luca’s mom, dad, and younger sister Anna are shown on grainy video footage from a FaceTime, all wearing Haas jerseys.

Cut.

Boyle’s wife stands with their two twin daughters.

Cut.

Cut.

Yuna and David’s backs are turned, revealing that Yuna is wearing a Hollander jersey, and David is wearing a Rozanov jersey.

They turn around and smile, cheering.

Watch out! Game four of the Stanley Cup finals is on tonight at 7ET!

***

@shanes_tape: Hey no worries but I’m crying

@shanehollanderunofficial: Yuna Hollander you will always be famous! 😍

@ottawacentaursdaily: We’re not cooked. We’re not cooked. We’re not cooked.

@censational: Let’s go boys it aint over til it’s over

@hazysheroes: @itskristyandeve take his suggestions rn 🔫💥

@lucahaashavemychildren: omg my future in-laws

@ilya_rozanov_nation: WE’RE BACK WE’RE SO BACK POST THAT GOAL RIGHT NOW PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE 🧎🧎🧎

@mrsrozanov: @ilya_rozanov_nation Omg how have I never seen this emoji?? Wait she’s so me 🧎‍♀️

@ilya_rozanov_nation: @mrsrozanov Let a man score damn 😐

@cens_or_ship: OH CAPTAIN MY CAPTAIN

@ottawacentaursnews: ROZANOGOALSFORYOULA

@allezlescens: IS THIS REAL LIFE.

@ilyarozanovdoingthings: HAT TRICK

@unfortunatelyanottawafan: 5-1 HOLY FUCKING FUCK I NEED NEW USERNAME SUGGESTIONS

***

“Yuna! You are ruining my image!”

Yuna Hollander giggled at the sound of her son-in-law’s affronted voice calling bright and early the morning after game four.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Put me on speaker. I need to have a word with David, too.”

“Hi, Ilya!” David called over the line. “How were the celebrations?”

“A teddy bear who loves puzzles? And Shane is the funny one?!”

“Hey!” Shane’s voice came through the background. “I am funny!”

“What happened to when you were scared of me?!”

“Oh honey,” Yuna chuckled. “That ship sailed a long time ago. Probably around the time you moved countries for our son.”

“This teddy bear got a hat trick last night, and you are telling the world that I have gone soft!”

Shane’s parents only laughed in response.

“Our next Yahtzee game will be merciless.”

Yuna smiled into the phone, fond as ever. “I look forward to it.”

Chapter 35: What was the first big purchase you made after you got your NHL contract?

Chapter Notes

“You can’t ask that.” Troy groaned.

“Why not?” Harris rolled over in the hotel bed, propping his head up in his hand with mock outrage. “It’s cute!”

“It’s scary!”

“It’s sweet!”

“It’s heavy! You can’t ask us that before we go into a final. Plus, everyone’s answers are gonna be so serious. You’ve gotta pick something lighter.”

“Okay, like what?”

“I don’t know. Who has the best playoff beard?”

“But it’s Bood. Everyone knows it’s Bood.”

“So let him win one.”

“That’s not fun though!”

“Okay, what about… Um… I don’t know, what’s your favorite ice cream?”

“Hmm…” Harris mulled it over, still not satisfied.

“Look, you got my two pitches for the day. All I’m saying is, you can’t ask what we would tell our younger selves, right before we go into one of the most important games of our lives. At an away game. In an arena that’s like ten times bigger than ours. Where everyone hates us and wants us to lose—”

“Okay, okay! You’ve made your point!”

“You’ll think of something.” Troy kissed the top of Harris’ head. “You always do.”

***

Question of the Day! What was the first big purchase you made after you got your NHL contract?

As the team exits the visitors’ locker room, the massive Los Angeles arena is already filling with fans just there to watch them warm up.

Cut.

Cut.

Cut.

Cut.

Cut.

Shane freezes and looks at Ilya, stuck. It doesn’t click for him immediately.

Shane shakes his head no, silently begging Ilya to drop it. It’s still not clicking.

The telepathy finally works and Ilya bursts out laughing.

Ilya wipes at his eyes, still laughing.

Cut.

Cut.

Cut.

Cut.

Game five of the Stanley Cup finals is on tonight at 7ET!

***

@ottawacentaursdaily: Why is Hollander making it sound like he bought a drug den

@censational: @ottawacentaursdaily Maybe it was a bunker. Maybe he’s secretly a doomsday prepper

@cens_or_ship: @censational Maybe it’s a torture chamber

@mrsrozanov: @cens_or_ship maybe it’s a PLEASURE chamber 🫦🫦🫦

@censcenscens: @mrsrozanov Maybe he’s harvesting people’s organs

@unfortunatelyanottawafan: @censcenscens Wouldn’t be surprised if Hollander was hiding a fountain of youth

@ottawacentaursnews: @unfortunatelyanottawafan Maybe he’s Batman

@shanehollanderunofficial: @ottawacentaursnews Maybe he’s born with it

@rail_me_shane_hollander: @shanehollanderunofficial Maybe it’s 💅 Maybelline 💅

@shane_hollander_fan: I looked it up and it’s literally just a Sur La Table why is he like this I would die for him

@shanes_tape: Rozanov 🚗 Boyle 💎 Hollander 👨🏻‍🍳

@unfortunatelyanottawafan: THE FOUNTAIN OF YOUTH IS REAL AND IT’S HIDING IN HOLLANDER’S HOME BC WHAT WAS THAT

***

“No way!” Troy splashed Harris’ face with water from the hotel’s rooftop hot tub. “You can’t ask us next game either.”

“Ask us what?” Ilya called, a towel slung around his neck, as he and several members of the team came to join them.

“I’m thinking about the next question of the day.”

“And?” Ilya raised an eyebrow as he sunk into the water. “Is Troy stopping you from asking something very fun and cool?”

“No! And fuck you!” Troy laughed, flicking water at him.

“I wonder if this is like weddings.” Wyatt looked up to the dark night sky, rubbing a thumb over his chin. “Like we can’t know before game day. Can’t see the bride before you walk down the aisle.”

“Well, Troy won’t let me make it a question of the day anyways, so I may as well ask. What’s one thing you would tell your eighteen year old self?”

“What is that for you, Haas, yesterday?” Ilya deflected, distracting the guys from the way half of Shane’s head seemed to have sunk underwater.

“No.” Luca flushed. “Two days ago.”

“Ha!”

“That really was only last year for me,” Young chimed in. “So I would say, don’t forget your phone on the flight from Detroit to Philadelphia. That was a fucking pain.”

“I would say, Juliette’s family speaks French.” Lapointe grimaced. “And you really should’ve guessed that, because her name is fucking Juliette.”

“I told you this wouldn’t send them into an existential spiral.” Harris tipped his head towards his boyfriend.

“You guys are ruining my point.” Troy sighed. “I thought you’d have, like, actual wisdom to share with your eighteen year old selves.”

“What would you say?” Ilya peered over at him.

“Probably something like, stop being a fucking asshole all the time. It’s a shitty defense mechanism and you’re hurting a lot of people because you’re too fucking scared to deal with anything, so get the fuck over yourself and just let yourself be happy.”

The guys’ expressions turned a bit more contemplative, all lost in their heads thinking about their own younger selves. Shane, especially, was being unusually quiet given that he’d practically won them the game.

Wyatt broke the silence. “I would tell myself that the second generation of my family is the one to stick with. Go with Kristy. That’s the dynasty, not my parents.”

“Jesus, guys,” Dykstra muttered.

“I told you it wasn’t a question of the day!” Troy splashed Dykstra.

“You need to stop splashing people.” Harris scolded. “Dykstra, your turn.”

“I mean, fuck, how am I supposed to follow that? I guess I’d say get your shit together. And watch out for a girl named Caitlin.”

“You make her sound like a threat to look out for.”

“She is.”

The guys chuckled, until another thoughtful silence lingered.

“Shane?” Harris cast a hopeful look over to where Shane was starting to resemble a turtle, half ducked underwater. He rose up, wiping water off of his face and stating his answer rather matter-of-factly.

“I would tell my eighteen year old self… You’re gay. It’s him. I know. I didn’t see it coming either.” He breathed out, not noticing the small smiles pulling at his teammates’ faces. “And it’s going to be fine. You’re going to be fine. And the hockey is going to be fine too. You’re going to win three Cups, and then you’re going to make it to game six of another one. So, fucking relax, Hollander.”

Ilya’s eyes went soft. “You are stealing my words now too? Not just my moves?”

“Fucking relax, Rozanov.” Shane shot him a teasing glance, and Ilya corralled an arm around him, pulling him in for a kiss on the cheek.

“Ugh, you guys are so sweet it’s fucked up.” Young said, earning murmurs of agreement.

“Pause.” Harris held up a hand. “Did you mean to say eighteen year old self?”

“Oh, uh…” Shane blushed.

“Were you two hooking up when you were eighteen?!”

Ilya smirked down at Shane, silently conveying you did this to yourself.

“I mean…”

“Yes.” Ilya sounded a bit too proud about the revelation. “And I would tell myself, Ilya, you are full of many good ideas. One is better than the others. You will go very far.”

Chapter End Notes

lowkey a 2-in-1 because I actually think it would be a horrifically bad idea to give them this kind of swell of emotion and introspection before a game

Chapter 36: Bonus scene: The Investment Building

Chapter Notes

“Hollander, what the fuck is this building you bought?” Bood looked up from his seat at the gate where the guys were all scrolling their phones killing time waiting for their flight back to Ottawa.

“What? What are you talking about?” Shane did his best to keep his face neutral.

“From the question of the day. All the comments are trying to figure out what building you bought. What was it?”

“Yo, Hollander, are you secretly a slumlord?” Young chimed in.

“What? No.” Shane blustered.

“Yeah, Hollander.” Ilya smirked. “What was the building you bought?”

“Nothing.” Shane shot him a dirty look. “It was just... an investment. Everyone was buying property, and I didn't want to buy a house, okay?”

“So, what? You bought a kitchen supply story?” Young asked, puzzled. “Should I be buying a Williams Sonoma?”

“It's not a bad idea,” Boyle mused. “They say you're supposed to diversify your portfolio. So the faster you get on it, the better.”

“Thank you, Boyle. I agree.” Shane said, tone clipped.

“Yeah, but, like... your first salary?” Wyatt's eyebrows scrunched.

“No. I mean, it wasn't my first salary. It was a couple years later. I didn't really buy anything big until, yeah, you know. The building.” Shane's cheeks were hot.

Ilya hadn't taken his eyes off of him, clearly reveling in the torture.

Unfortunately for both of them, Harris noticed. He narrowed his eyes. “You know something.”

“I know nothing.”

“Stop smiling.” Shane hissed, volume low.

“You do.” Harris sounded more certain now. “You totally know something. What is it?”

Ilya gave a cryptic grin, but he pressed his lips together in answer.

“Alright, I was going to ignore this, but now you two are being weird.” Troy put his phone down, joining the conversation. “What the fuck is this building, Hollander?”

“Look, it's seriously just a building.” Shane insisted. “You guys are making something out of nothing. It was just, like, stores. You can look it up, I swear. Find it on Google Maps.”

“What's the address?” Harris had a mad glint in his eye, and Shane exhaled sharply through his nose, giving in.

Ilya pulled his hood up, unable to hide his smug smile, the address still memorized in his own mind.

“Damn. It really is just a Sur La Table.” Young held up his phone so the rest of the team could see.

“So why won’t you tell us about it?” Luca added from across the room.

“Oh, now you, too?” Shane snapped.

Luca frowned. “I am invested.”

“Just like Hollander.” Ilya chuckled under his breath.

“That,” Harris pointed a finger. “That right there. This is why you have to tell us.”

Shane glared at Ilya, trying to convey as much betrayal as possible, before succumbing to his fate. “You're really not gonna drop this, are you?”

“No.”

“Fuck, no.”

“Absolutely not.”

“Not with the way you're acting.”

“Well,” Shane sighed, “I guess you guys already know that Ilya and I started hooking up when we were eighteen.”

“What?”

“What the fuck?!”

“Did not know that.”

Bood, Holmberg, Boyle, Chouinard, and Lapointe voiced their disbelief, and Wyatt held up a hand. “Found out in the hot tub last night. Keep up. You were saying?”

“Fuck, I hope that you guys will keep that to yourselves.”

“They will.” Ilya gave his most intense eye contact to every person in the room, as if to say, or else.

“I really hope you will keep this next thing to yourselves, too, because fuck. I really don't want to tell you this. I mean, do I have to tell you this?”

“Yes.”

“100%.”

“You made it too weird.”

Shane sent a pouty look Ilya’s way, and Ilya raised his shoulder, too much mischief on his face to be trusted.

“Is your choice. Your building, not mine.”

Shane scowled.

“What? It is.” Ilya nudged his elbow. “Shane... is fine. Is funny. Is nothing they don't already know.”

“Jesus.” Shane grimaced, still uncomfortable at the idea of anyone thinking of him as a sexual being at all, despite being married to one of the biggest reformed playboys in North America, and quite literally having a video of himself practically dry humping said husband easily accessible on the internet.

“Oh, come on. This buildup is killing me!” Harris exclaimed. “You're making it worse!”

“Alright, fine! Fine. I just.. Look, we were… Together, in some capacity, for a really long time. And I was really paranoid. So I bought this fucking building so we could, like... meet up or whatever.”

Shane looked nervously around the room, waiting for the team's reaction. It took a beat for it to click, and then Bood cracked up.

“Oh, my God, Hollander. You bought a love shack?!”

Shane groaned, dropping his head into his palms in misery.

“You bought a building to fuck in? Why didn't you just go to a hotel, like everyone else?” Troy stared in confusion, thinking about his own secret relationship with Adrian.

“I mean, we did that, too.” Shane spluttered. “Just. It got... I don't know. It felt too risky.”

“Rozanov, you slut!” Dykstra laughed.

“What? I am not the slut! Shane is the slut!” Ilya cried, earning himself a whack to the chest.

“You were like his kept little mistress!”

“He bought a building for us to fuck in!” Ilya objected. “That makes him the slut!”

“Oh, thanks. Thanks a lot. Very supportive.” Shane deadpanned.

“But why the Sur La Table?” Young held up his phone again, still on the Google Maps.

“I told you, it was an investment! It just happened to also be a place to, you know, meet up.”

“An investment in getting laid, maybe.” Young muttered.

“Wow.” Holmberg said. “And I thought Roz’s Lamborghini was cool. This place is fucking expensive.” He held up his phone, showing everyone the listed price on Zillow.

“Please stop.”

“Jeez. Wow. This place is, like, a million dollars.”

“Say what you will about Roz,” Dykstra grinned. “He's a very expensive whore.”

Ilya winked and blew him a kiss.

“Alright, fuck you guys. I made, like, $200,000 on that when I sold it.” Shane flushed bright pink. “And you said you weren’t going to say anything!”

“I did not!”

“Winking counts!”

“I have said nothing!” Ilya protested, but there was trouble all over his face as he let the pause linger. “After all, silence is included when you are a very high class whore.”

“Oh, fuck off.”

Chapter End Notes

Okay you guys are right, the team would absolutely bug them about this, so here's an addition to that last chapter

Chapter 37: What's your secret weapon?

Chapter Notes

“Did we already do this one?” Troy cocked his head to the side.

“Nope.”

“Really? I swear you had us do this one already.”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” Harris said with the air of someone who knew exactly what he was talking about.

“Was it… Wait, on Media Day? That thing with the cup?”

“I’m telling you, we haven’t done this one!”

“Is this gaslighting?” Troy looked wary. “Is this what gaslighting is?”

“Babe! Answer the question!”

***

Question of the Day! What’s your secret weapon?

The team files into the arena from the dressing room.

Cut.

He waggles his eyebrows at Shane.

Shane shakes his head fondly, entering the rink.

Cut.

Cut.

Cut.

Cut.

Cut.


Cut.

Cut.

Cut.

A graphic drops of a bee buzzing around Wyatt’s head with floating hearts.

The Ottawa Centaurs: armed and ready for game six of the Stanley Cup finals tonight at 7ET!

***

@ottawacentaursnews: I’ve never had this much anxiety in my life and Hayes is talking about bees

@unfortunatelyanottawafan: If we win tonight I’ll change my username

@mrsrozanov: HE’S RIGHT AND HE SHOULD SAY IT LET’S GO BABY BEST CAPTAIN BEST PLAYER BEST FACE BEST ASS🥇🥇🥇🥇🥇

@rail_me_shane_hollander: @mrsrozanov not the best backhand tho that’s my princess

@mrsrozanov: @rail_me_shane_hollander YOU WILL NEVER GET UNDER MY SKIN BY PRAISING MY WIFE 😍

@ottawacentaursdaily: @mrsrozanov from the bottom of my heart what the actual fuck is wrong with you

@mrsrozanov: @ottawacentaursdaily I JUST WANT TO GO TO PARIS WITH THEM 😩

@ottawacentaursdaily: @mrsrozanov Can someone young tell me what this means?

@troybarrettfanpage: LET’S GOOOOO THAT’S MY FUCKING BOYYYYYYY

@troybarrettsabs: TROY BARRETT THE MAN THAT YOU ARE OMFG

@cens_or_ship: Fuck it I’m betting another hundred on this game

@empz69: @cens_or_ship DM me I’ll take that bet

@unfortunatelyanottawafan: Oh fuck me lobotomy rescheduled

@ottawacentaursdaily: We’re not cooked we’re not cooked it’s only the second period we’re not cooked

@roselandrysbathwater: Hiii 💖 can u post Rose? Thanks!

@rail_me_shane_hollander: I screamed alone in my home

@shanehollanderunofficial: SHANE MOTHERFUCKING HOLLANDER WE’RE SO BACK

@ottawacentaursdaily: WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT

@unfortunatelyanottawafan: HOLY FUCKING SHIT WHAT EVEN WAS THAT POST THAT IMMEDIATELY

@ilyarozanovnation: DOUBLE ROZANOV????????

@shanes_tape: Shane is the most Canadian person alive bc what do you meaaaan he faked to roz he faked it back and then Shane passed it to him AGAIN like “no you take the shot it’s okay!” Boy SHOOT THAT FUCKING SHOT THIS ISNT THE TIME TO BE POLITE

@allezlescens: IT’S LIKE WATCHING SHARKS CIRCLE THE NET POST THAT SHIT RIGHT NOW

@ottawacentaursnews: BOYS WHAT THE HELL IS HAPPENING WHAT DO WE EVEN CALL THAT

@centaurs1994: @ottawacentaursnews the hollanderoz maybe??

@ilyarozanovsmoking: @ottawacentaursnews THE ROZ SQUARED

@shane_hollander_fan: @ottawacentaursnews The Shilya!! 🥳

@ilyarozanovsmoking: @ottawacentaursnews The Rozander?

@hollanov_fanart: @ottawacentaursnews THE HOLLANOV OMG WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE

@censational: OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

@unfortunatelyanottawafan: DID THAT JUST HAPPEN IS THIS A DREAM

@unfortunatelyanottawafan: TAKING USERNAME SUGGESTIONS RIGHT NOW CANT BELIEVE THIS IS MY LIFE

@ottawacentaursdaily: HOLY FUCKING SHIT WE WON THE STANLEY CUP

@mrsrozanov: MY HUSBAND WITH THE CONN SMYTHE I’M CRYING ACTUAL TEARS

***

A few days later

Harris was partied the fuck out. The team had raged, and now the bender was finally coming to a close with a barbecue to wrap up the season at Bood’s house.

“Bood, where’s your HDMI cord?” He poked around the media console next to a massive TV.

“Right drawer!” A yell came from the kitchen. “Did you and Troy make a sex tape?”

“Ha-ha, very funny!”

He set his video up to play, something special he wanted to make for the team’s eyes only, and called everyone into the living room for a surprise.

It was cramped, with so many giant hockey players and their partners squished onto three couches and spread across the floor, but also cozy. Harris really did love this team.

“Okay, I’m pressing play!”

On screen, bright studio lights and a white backdrop were set up, along with a table that only had one thing on it: a red solo cup with strips of paper sticking out of it.

There was the squeak of a metal chair being pulled out, and the guys all made low whooping noises at the sight of their captain taking a seat.

“Oh my God,” Troy groaned in recognition. “Media Day. You totally gaslit me.”

“Shh. It’s starting.”

***

Ilya swirls his fingers around, pulls out a name, and his eyes crinkle in recognition.

He picks out other names from the cup, sees that they’re different, and groans, putting them back.

Ilya sighs, looking for the right words to begin.

The video smashes to footage of their most recent, Stanley-Cup-winning question of the day.

The feed switches back to Media Day.

Cut.

Shane sits down and pulls a name.

Cut.

Boyle laughs down at his strip of paper.

Cut.

Bood lets out a whoop when he sees who he pulled.

Cut.

Dykstra smiles down at his piece of paper.

Cut.

Cut.

Cut.

Holmberg heaves a sigh.

Cut.

Cut.

Cut.

He winks past the camera.

Cut.

He picks out the last paper in the cup, reads it, and laughs.

Cut.

Cut.

Cut.

The video finishes with a series of clips — a compilation of their games wrapping up the playoffs:

The coolest goals. Ilya’s hat trick. The defensemen practically tackling people. Wyatt blocking impossible shots. Young and Holmberg doing the Parent Trap handshake. The Hollanov. Ilya getting the Conn Smythe. The team hoisting the Stanley Cup, passing it around, cheering, hugging. Shane and Ilya making out on the ice. Troy rushing to the boards, leaning over and kissing Harris. All of the dads finding their wives and kids. Luca’s family, in from Switzerland, hugging him. Coach Wiebe getting an entire container of water dumped on him.

It ends with a shot of the Stanley Cup in the air, and fades to black as a title drops:

“Oh, fuck you, Harris!” Bood wiped tears from his eyes.

Most of the team was smiling, not crying, but there were definitely a couple telling sniffs around the room, and half the wives were clearly wiping their eyes.

“You just had to give yourself a cameo, didn’t you?” Troy smiled at Harris, who looked all too pleased with himself.

“Duh. I made out with a Stanley Cup champion.”

“Be nice to your man, Barrett.” Ilya whacked the back of his head. “He is the best social media manager in the world.”

He turned to Harris and squeezed his shoulder. “Was a great video. This is why you have always been my favorite half of Barris.”

“Fuck off,” Troy laughed. “You already called me an asshole on camera.”

“You called me an asshole too, so I think we are even.” Ilya grinned.

“Shut up, Barrett,” Shane grinned from his seat. “I’m the only one who gets to call him that.”

“Yeah, that’s absolutely not true.” Dykstra said, while the majority of the team instantly erupted with boos and agreement.

“Okay!” Harris clapped his hands together, standing up. “That’s it. I know you guys call me sappy, but I also knew that you would never say any of this to each other’s faces, so sue me! I wanted to make something cute! This is the best team, and the best group of guys, in the world. I think if I ever had to work for another one, I would just quit and run away to the family farm. So, thank you for making my job so easy.”

“We would not let you get away that easily.” Ilya called. “Would hunt you down and make you come back.”

“You’d probably take a dog, too.” Shane smiled.

“Yes.” Ilya gave an affirmative nod, then stood to join Harris, clapping a hand around him. “Now, glasses the fuck up!”

Whoops and shouts of “Here, here!” came from the team, all scattered across the couches and floor.

“On three. To Harris! One, two, three—”

“To Harris!”

“And one for Wiebe, too!” Ilya called out in his most authoritative captain voice. “One, two, three—”

“To Wiebe!”

“And one to a great fucking season!” Bood shouted. “One, two, three—”

“A great fucking season!”

“Centaurs on three!” Shane yelled from the couch, in a tone so joyful and confident that there was no doubt in anyone’s mind he’d be joining Bood as the second AC come fall. “One, two, three—”

“Centaurs!”

Chapter End Notes

Heyyy, if you’ve made it this far, thank you so much! To everyone who has been here since the beginning (wow), I love you and I literally never would’ve finished this without your encouragement!!

This chapter is total sci-fi/fantasy because there’s not a chance in hell that any NHL team is this emotionally vulnerable but I don’t give a fuck, this is fan fiction and I love it here!!

Also sci-fi: whatever the hell the Hollanov move is. Everything I know about hockey is from being obsessed with these two, so what the hell. It’s kind of based on this clip of Crosby and Ovechkin at an All Star game though because I really do think that if I was this goalie, I would feel like sharks were attacking me. Just imagine they did something like this with whatever the hell The Rozanov is. (The part I’m talking about starts at 0:20)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x99_QmUrzFQ

I’m going to mark this as finished now because the season itself is over, but I have at least three more chapters planned for the summer. Still not sure if I have another season in me but I’m not done adding to this! The adaptation is only amplifying my brainworms so whatever!!

Okay thanks love you bye!!!!!

Chapter 38: MVP

Chapter Notes

Question of the Day! Who do you think will win MVP?

Ilya and Shane are dressed to the nines, looking hot as fuck in tuxedos, standing inside a glitzy auditorium as the seats fill in and people mill around.

Harris stands next to them with a tiny mic.

Shane rolls his eyes.

Ilya smirks, and Shane’s eyes flash as he turns beet red, but the look quickly transforms into a glare.

Cut.

Alone now, Shane leans into the camera. Oblivious, Ilya is visibly standing about fifteen feet behind him, distracted by Yuna smoothing out the shoulders of his tux and saying something that makes him laugh. Shane tries to be sneaky.

Cut.

Cut.

Cut.

Behind him, they are, in fact, right there. Troy looks over his shoulder at where Shane and Ilya are standing in a conversation circle with Hayden and Jackie. Ilya notices and sticks out his tongue, making a scary face.

Ilya yelling across the slightly-fuller-now auditorium completely interrupts the conversation he’s in, causing Shane and the Pikes to look over at where Harris is filming.

Ilya makes an exaggerated pouty face and raises a thumbs down, while Shane and Hayden snort with laughter. Troy turns back to the camera.

Cut.

Cut.

Cut.

Ilya walks by in the background carrying two flutes of champagne, clearly returning from the bar.

Ilya shrugs and walks away, and Chouinard frowns.

Cut.

On stage, Colorado’s captain and last year’s MVP, Matheson, unfolds an envelope.

Immediately, all of the Centaurs start clapping, whistling, and cheering, all fighting to pat him on the back. The rest of the crowd is less enthusiastic. The big screen on stage focuses on Ilya’s face as his eyes flash with surprise before he starts grinning.

Next to him, Shane beams with pride, clapping more than anyone. Ilya leans over to give him a quick kiss on the cheek. To his right, Yuna pulls him into a fierce hug before he stands and approaches the stage to receive his award.

He raises the trophy in the air, smile splitting his face.


The crowd laughs, and the big screen focuses on Shane’s face, who makes a show of rolling his eyes, the grin on his face so wide that it’s impossible to believe his fake annoyance.

More laughs, as Shane’s smile softens.

The camera cuts to J.J., Montreal’s new captain, as he rolls his eyes much more genuinely than Shane did.

He lifts the trophy high, and the camera cuts to Bood letting out a loud wolf-whistle.

The camera cuts to Scott shaking his head, and he shouts, “You wish, Rozanov!” earning a laugh from the crowd.

The camera cuts to Shane, eyes shining, glued to the stage.

He winks, a completely genuine smile plastered to his face, and Shane laughs, the movement pushing a tear out of his eye.

***

@mrsrozanov: SOBBING OVER MY MAN LIKELY PLACE FOR ME TO BE 😭😭😭 KING OF MY HART!!!!!!!!!! 😭😭😭

@mrsrozanov: I TRANSLATED AND HE SAID I LOVE YOU IN RUSSIAN WHEN IS IT MY TURNNNNNNN 😭

@fortunatelyanottawafan: I’m a grown man why is this making me emotional?

@ilya_rozanov_nation: FUCK YEAH

@rail_me_shane_hollander: ngl Shane looks hot w tears in his eyes………

@ottawacentaursdaily: @rail_me_shane_hollander please leave

@rail_me_shane_hollander: @ottawacentaursdaily 🤷🏻‍♀️

@censcenscens: LFGGGGGGGGGGG

@shanehollanderunofficial: He’s right it should’ve been Shane :/

@voyageurzzzz: Justice for J.J. 🙄

@hazysheroes: This is awesome but you cant keep getting away with cutting off my boy like this

@roselandry: So deserved ❤️

@roselandrysbathwater: @roselandry QUEEN APPEARANCE‼️‼️

@ilyarozanovdoingthings: THAT’S MY FUCKING MVPPPPPPP

@ottawababyyyy: So no one was going to tell me the social media guy has been hot the whole time

@troybarrettsabs: @ottawababyyyy Been hot, catch up

@cens_or_ship: GET IT CAP 🗣️🗣️🗣️

@mrsjennyspethotel: Congratulations Ilya! 💖🐾

@hollanov_fanart: Crying real tears I would die for them oh my god

@hollanovvv: @hollanov_fanart literally we are eating so good tonight 🥹 do u remember when everyone thought we were insane like—!

@hollanov_fanart: @hollanovvv NO WE HAVE COME SO FAR!! Ty for being on this journey with me from the beginning omg ilysm 🥲❤️

@hockey_memes: Oh man Hollander crying is about to go triple platinum in my house

Chapter End Notes

truly so overwhelmed by the comments on the last chapter thank you guys so fucking much!! 😭

but also... I told you I was not done ;)))

Chapter 39: Do you have a tattoo?

Chapter Notes

Question of the Day! Do you have a tattoo?

The team stands on the top level of a two-floor parade truck, all decked out in Centaurs gear. Bood and Wyatt are holding the Stanley Cup, flanked by Young, Holmberg, Lapointe, Boyle, and Chouinard.

Jubilant, they all exhibit a variety of wild behaviors: Bood and Wyatt start pumping the Cup above their heads. Young and Holmberg start whooping. Lapointe, Boyle, and Chouinard beat their chests, fist pump, and yell.

All of them flex their biceps: a matching, hideous tattoo of the Stanley Cup with the year 2022 in a corny cursive.

Cut.

Wyatt chugs beer out of the Cup while Young and Holmberg hold the back. Bood talks to the camera, pointing to Wyatt’s arm where it grips the Cup.

Harris does. It’s an awful tattoo, but they’re beaming. They love it so much.

Cut.

Bood slurs into the camera, and in the background you can see a drunken Troy waving a Centaurs flag at the crowd.

He flexes his bicep again, just in case the viewers missed it the first two times, then shifts to flexing his other arm, which is a full sleeve.

Cut.

Young is sloshed, leaning into Holmberg. In the background, Ilya is bobbing his head and dancing to a very loud electronic song.

Holmberg pushes Young off of him to point to the tattoo again, and Young wobbles, laughing.

Cut.

Chouinard and Boyle stand leaning on the Cup for strength. In the background, Bood has taken off his shirt and is whirling it around his head like a helicopter.

Chouinard turns around and starts to pull down his shorts, but the camera quickly cuts.

When it turns back on, Chouinard is speaking very closely to the camera.

He picks up the actual Stanley Cup and starts raising it over his head.

Cut.

Lapointe is shaking his head, eyes closed and smiling. In the background, Ilya can be seen ripping his shirt in half down the center and yelling at the crowd.

He slaps at his bicep.

Cut.

Wyatt is beatboxing while he slaps various parts of his body — forearms, shins, butt. He’s hitting a series of tattoos he has — mostly cartoon characters, quotes, a Batman symbol, the Cup.

Next to him, Young starts trying to freestyle rap over the beat, but he doesn’t get far.

Wyatt jumps up and bumps his chest, completely wowed.

Cut.

Troy rolls his head back dramatically, face disapproving. In the background, Shane tosses his hat into the crowd, laughing.

He waggles his eyebrows and starts lifting up his shirt to show off his six-pack.

Cut.

Luca mouths at a straw sticking out from a beer, eyes drifting in and out of being closed. Behind him, Troy sits in the Cup while his teammates spin him around in the air.

Cut.

The team surrounds Ilya as he raises his MVP trophy over his head, lifting it up and down towards the crowd. The team chants “MVP! MVP! MVP!” and the crowd catches on.

Cut.

Ilya’s face gets very close to the camera as his sunglasses slide down the bridge of his nose. Behind him, smoke drifts from Bood’s cigar.

Cut.

Ilya dancing in the center of his MVP chant circle, looking a bit like a child. Next to him, Luca is slapping his knees, doing a little jig (the Schuhplattler).

Cut.

Ilya bumps at his left pec, indicating the bear tattoo.


He slaps at his left shoulder, indicating the loon tattoo.

He seems distracted by this, and turns to look around his teammates. When he does, he accidentally shows off his newest tattoo, on the back of his right shoulder.

Bood turns around and yells.

Shane climbs up the stairs from the bottom story of the bus.

Shane is clearly among the more sober of the team, but he’s still smiling as Ilya stomps over to him with purpose, corralling him towards the camera.

He holds up his hand to the camera, like see?!, revealing a simple black line around his ring finger. A wedding band tattoo.

He swings his hand wildly pointing in Troy’s direction behind him.

Troy raises a hand to his ear, but the thumping bass keeps him out of the conversation as Shane and Ilya grin at each other.

Cut.

Dykstra points to a variety of really ugly tattoos. Behind him, the team has raised the cup in the air and is yelling “Chug! Chug! Chug!” while Wiebe waves his hands, grinning no.

A Bible verse.

He burps.

Horrible cursive script of ‘Caitlin’.

He gestures to his arms and legs, which do in fact have some random shit.

Cut.

Ilya drags Luca into frame by the scruff of his t-shirt.

Ilya turns around and tries to point to the tattoo on his right shoulder: line art of a dog’s happy face. Luca moves Ilya’s hand so he can actually point at it.

He turns back around, beaming, and kisses his hands rapidly, as though to send her his love.

Ilya’s smile drops into annoyance.

Ilya turns around, trying to find Shane again. Shane is lying on the ground in a crunch position, pumping the Cup in the air with both arms as though it is an exercise weight while his surrounding teammates clap and shout numbers. They are currently on 48. Ilya grabs the Cup and hands it off to Wyatt, pulling him up while Luca slinks away.

When they return to the camera, he points an accusatory finger, and sounds very petulant in his drunken state.

He lets out a dramatic sigh, and Shane makes a dismissive face.

Ilya swoops around Shane, locking his hands around him and smacking kisses into his neck from behind while Shane giggles. Abruptly, he looks into the camera with a theatrical level of irritation.

Cut.

Wiebe talks to the camera with his hands on his hips, clearly the most sober of all of them. Behind him, the team attempts to be sneaky, crouching as they slowly approach him holding the Cup.

The team lifts the Cup and dumps water over him.

Cut.

The whole team leans over the railings and chants to the crowd of Ottawa fans, “Centaurs! Centaurs!”

The Ottawa Centaurs: your 2022 Stanley Cup Champions!

***

@ottawacentaursdaily: ALEXA PLAY WE ARE THE CHAMPIONS

@cens_or_ship: FYI if you haven’t left your house yet it’s hot as balls out here

@censcenscens: I CAUGHT HOLLANDER’S HAT!!!!

@ilya_rozanov_nation: MVP MVP MVP 🏆🏆🏆

@hollanov_fanart: Matching wedding band tattoos?? 😭 We used to pray for days like this 😭😭😭

@hazysheroes: HAZYS HEROES MERCH WHEN

@censational: Cup back in Canada iktr 🇨🇦🇨🇦🇨🇦

@rail_me_shane_hollander: Couldn’t get one shot of Hollander shirtless? 🙄

@troybarrettsabs: @rail_me_shane_hollander Get on the winning team bitch!!!!!

@rail_me_shane_hollander: @troybarrettsabs I… literally am?

@newmoontattoos: See you next week @ilyarozanov! 😉

@hollanderhouse: Hollander doing reps with the cup yeah likely place for him to be 😎

@mrsrozanov: Rozanov’s abs you will always be famous!!! 🤤🤤🤤

@ilyarozanovshirtless: @mrsrozanov HEAR HEAR‼️ TY ADMIN FOR MY NEXT POST 😍😍

@shanes_tape: The fifth stage of grief for my beloved leaving Montreal was acceptance. The sixth stage is WINNING THE STANLEY CUP AGAINNNN MY BOY CAN’T LOSE!!!!!!

@mrsjennyspethotel: It turned out perfect @ilyarozanov! 🤣🐾

@ilyarozanovdoingthings: Okay I translated and I think I got it. The first thing he says when he points to the bird tattoo is “For my husband” 🥹 and the second thing he says is “Where is my love?” 😭 Ilya Rozanov never beating the loverboy allegations 💞

@hockey_memes: welcome to my world lucahaasdancing.gif 😈

@lucahaashavemychildren: @hockey_memes GET A JOB STAY AWAY FROM HER 😠

***

One week prior

“Do you think it's safe to get a tattoo when you're hungover?” Shane bit his lip, concern etched all over his face.

“It's fine, Hollander. I have done this many times before. It is just, like, a buzz on your arm. And, it is not in a painful spot.”

“What do you mean?” Shane's eyebrows furrowed. “What are the painful spots?”

Ilya shrugged a shoulder. “Places you don't have, um... What is the word? Is like, more muscle or skin?”

“What, like padding?”

“Yes.” Ilya nodded. “Ribs, ankles.”

“Oh.” Shane looked a little pale, and Ilya chuckled.

“Is that why you are so worried? You don't need to be. You have a very big, strong husband. Lots of muscle under my shoulder. Will be fine, yes?”

Shane rolled his eyes. “All right, all right, I get it.”

Ilya kissed the top of his head, smiling down at him, and Shane sighed, leaning into it.

“I think I’ll be gone when you get back from your run. I have to swing by my parents' place, but I’ll meet you there later, okay?”

“Are you sure? It will take a few hours.”

“No, I want to see.” Shane said, stubborn as always. “And I want to make sure you don't just randomly decide to get it on your neck or something. I'm not looking at that thing during sex.”

Ilya looked down at a sleepy Anya. “Do you hear that, moya printsessa? He does not even want to look at you.”

Shane shoved him lightly. “During sex.”

“It is no wonder I am her favorite.”

“Shut up.” Shane gave him a quick kiss, then grabbed his keys and started walking towards the garage.

“Maybe I will get it on my cheek so she knows she has at least one parent who loves her!”

“Fuck you.” Shane tossed over his shoulder as he shut the door. But the words came out sounding more like an I love you than anything, so he wasn't really fooling anyone.

***

An hour later, Ilya arrived at his tattoo appointment to find his red eyed husband blinking back tears. He immediately jumped into action.

“Sweetheart, what's wrong? What happened?” His eyes darted around the room and caught the eye of the tattoo artist he'd been talking to for weeks smirking in the corner. He scowled at her insensitivity and shot over a murderous look, and the poor woman immediately averted her eyes.

“Your parents.” The words came out rushed. “Is everything okay? What happened at the house?”

“Nothing.” Shane shook his head. “But you fucking lied.”

“What?” Ilya was taken aback as he racked his brain for what he could possibly be talking about. They didn't lie to each other. “What are you talking about?”

“That really fucking hurt.” Shane held up his left hand, and it was only then that Ilya noticed the addition: a thick black line, nothing fancy, wrapped around his ring finger.

He struggled to swallow as realization dawned, registering the smug little look on Shane's face, then huffed a laugh. It came out a little choked up. “You got a tattoo.”

“Yep.” Shane smiled, self satisfaction clearly beating out the pain.

“Is that for Stanley or for me?” Ilya joked, blinking back the tears.

“Why not both?” Shane smirked, and Ilya narrowed his eyes.

“It's for you, dumbass. Figured it'd be nice to not have to wear my ring on the ice. Do you like it?”

“Shane. Of course. I love it.”

Chapter End Notes

Not a cool one in the bunch btw

Chapter 40: Special Edition: Hazy (Director's Cut)

Chapter Notes

Question of the Day! Special edition: Hazy’s Ramblings!

Grainy computer footage of Harris.

Cut.

Cut.

He laughs as he does finger guns.

Cut.

Cut.

Cut.

Cut.

Cut.

Cut.

Cut.

Cut.

Young and Holmberg skate by and rattle the glass.

He looks back to the camera.

A slow clap from behind the camera.

Cut.

Cut.

Wyatt stands with Bood and Dykstra at the NHL Awards.

They walk away.

Cut.

Once again, Harris at his computer screen.

***

@hazysheroes: FINALLY

@hazysheroes: LET MY BOY COOK!!!

@hazysheroes: Formally requesting a deep dive into the Spiderverse next 🙏

@ottawacentaursdaily: I can’t believe I spent half of my lunch break watching this

@mrsrozanov: ILYA LORE OF THE RINGS?? NEVER SKIP AN OTTAWA CENTAURS VIDEO 😍 TEACH ME RUSSIAN NEXT @ilyarozanov!! 😛

@wyatthayesnhl: Oh my god

@harrisdrover: @wyatthayesnhl happy now? 😉

@wyatthayesnhl: @harrisdrover you’ve made your point 😔

@censational: Never change @wyatthayesnhl

@hockey_memes: he said ✋🧐🤚 value… ✋😌🤚

@kristyhayes90: This video told me to clear out my voicemails

@censational: HAZYS HEROES WE RIDE AT DAWN

@hollanov_fanart: KITTEN 😭

@ottawacentaursnews: Why the fuck did I watch this lmao post his best saves or something

@zaneboodram: Stanley winning goalie btw

@wyatthayesnhl: @zaneboodram walked away during my MVP answer btw

@zaneboodram: @wyatthayesnhl buddy this video is fifteen minutes long I’m trying to help

@shanehollanderhockeyplayer: 😾

@ilyarozanov: No more Russian for you @wyatthayesnhl 😠

@wyatthayesnhl: @shanehollanderhockeyplayer @ilyarozanov look what you’ve done 😢 @harrisdrover

Chapter End Notes

headcanoning wyatt hayes' adhd is something that can be so personal...

Chapter 41: Which animal would make the best hockey player?

Chapter Notes

Question of the Day! Which animal would make the best hockey player?

Ilya stands in a dingy rink with his arms folded, trying to look intimidating. Next to him, an eight year old girl named Katie is copying his pose, a fierce look on her face.

Cut.

Shane leans on his stick. Next to him, a ten year old boy named Zack copies his pose.

Cut.

Wyatt stands in the net, a nine year old girl named Olive next to him.

Cut.

Troy skates to a stop, sending out a spray of ice and pointing to the camera. Behind him, several kids try to do the same thing, following him like ducks. Only one of them pulls it off.

Cut.

Back to Ilya and Katie.

Ilya flinches.

Ilya’s wince deepens, but he hides it from Katie, and gives her a high five.

Cut.

Shane grimaces.

Cut.

Olive gasps.

He fist bumps Olive.

Cut.

The kids love the bunny suggestion.

Cut.

Cut.

Young and Holmberg watch from the bleachers with the rest of the kids as Ilya and Shane coach the Cats and the Penguins.

Cut.

Grainy selfie cam footage of Luca waving.

Cut.

Shane’s team is going crazy, chanting Pen-guins! Pen-guins! Pen-guins!

Cut.


Cut.

iPhone footage of Bood bouncing toddler Milo on his knee.

He looks down at Milo expectantly.

Cut.

Wyatt is looking down at his phone with Olive.

He holds it up to the camera, and though it’s blurry, he’s clearly trying to show a picture of a snow monkey.

Cut.

Ryan Price stands near the boards looking nervous.

Cut.

Troy high fives his team as they chant Bun-nies! Bun-nies! Bun-nies! in victory.

Cut.

Selfie cam footage of Dykstra, outdoors by the lake, wearing sunglasses and a trucker hat.

The camera splits three ways, revealing Chouinard and Boyle also sending in footage.

Cut.

Everyone at camp stands together on the ice.

***

@shane_hollander_fan: Everyone donate to the @irinafoundation! 😊

@irinafoundation: 🥳🥳🥳

@mrsrozanov: Ilya with children. I repeat. Ilya with children. I’m pregnant

@censational: Boyle recording from a golf course fork found in kitchen

@hollanderhouse: You can actually see the moment Hollander dies inside having to be a Penguin

@lucahaashavemychildren: girl what is a shamwa 😭

@railmeshanehollander: I am going to get Shane hollander pregnant if I have to die trying

@ottawacentaursnews: @railmeshanehollander ...????

@shane_hollander_fan: My boy can’t even lose when his team is made of children iktr

@fabiansolahupdates: omg why is ryan the second cutest person on the planet 🥺🥺

@hockey_memes: YOUNG 💀 A SPIDER IS NOT AN ANIMAL 💀

@penguins: you wanna be us so bad @shanehollanderhockeyplayer

@shanehollanderhockeyplayer: @penguins In your dreams

***

“We only lost because we were the cats!” Ilya passed the puck to Shane, rink now completely empty other than the two of them just messing around.

“You lost because you lost.” Shane smirked, the picture of smug, and passed it back.

“I am not letting them do this in Montreal. We will be the Anyas.”

“They’re not going to know what that means.” Shane laughed.

“I will show them a picture of her in her little jersey. They will love her. She is too cute, they will not be able to resist. Besides, she is the daughter of two NHL stars, how can we lose?”

“Oh, so you’re going to show them her in my jersey too?”

“Of course not.”

“Dick.” Shane huffed a laugh. “Why does your team get to be the Anyas? What if I make my team the Anyas?”

“You would not.”

“I would.”

“You would not.”

“Wanna bet?”

Chapter End Notes

apparently the pittsburgh penguins exist in this world idk the joke was right there i couldn't resist

Chapter 42: What sport would you play if you were more athletic?

Chapter Notes

Question of the Day! What sport would you play if you were more athletic?

The Centaurs trickle into the hallway out of their home locker room.

The smiles drop off their faces, and they shoot each other confused looks.

Dykstra scoffs and they continue to look at each other in disbelief. Bood straightens and makes himself a little taller.

Cut.

Troy stares past the camera, bewildered, then walks past the tripod.

The tripod shakes as Harris giggles.

Cut.

Wyatt walks away completely unfazed.

Cut.

They start to walk away, exchanging disbelieving looks.

Cut.

Cut.

Luca gives a tight smile and looks around, seeking help, but there’s a flash of anger in his eyes.

Luca starts to walk away, slightly rattled, then turns back.

The tension and confusion leaves Luca’s face.

Luca smiles and pulls down his helmet.

Cut.

Cut.

Ilya raises his hand to the camera and waggles his finger.

Ilya winks without smiling, and Shane doesn’t notice.

Shane looks between Ilya and Harris, nervous he misheard.

Shane glares at Ilya, growing suspicious.

Shane sends a resentful look at Ilya, whose smile is far too smug.

Shane is fuming, but Harris’ interjection snaps his attention. Ilya puts a hand over his mouth to hide his laughter.

Shane storms off to the sound of Ilya tsking.

Cut.

A title drops: THREE WEEKS AGO

Footage switches to Wyatt and Ilya in bean bags, in a four person Mario Kart race at the Ottawa Children’s Hospital. Ilya throws his hands up in victory.

The kids join in, booing and laughing while Ilya raises his hands to his ears, encouraging them.

Wyatt leans over to the camera and whispers to a kid sitting next to him, James.

Ilya’s head snaps over, comically offended.

The kids giggle. Ilya puts his finger to his chest, hamming it up.

He tosses a controller at a little girl sitting on the ground and scoffs.

Ilya shoots Wyatt a dirty look.

Wyatt holds his hand up to his heart, dramatically wounded.

The kids laugh, and Wyatt gives James a little fist bump. Ilya catches it and fights a smile. He rips the controller out of Wyatt’s hand.

He mutters under his breath.

The Ottawa Centaurs: back and more athletic than ever!

***

@ottawacentaursnews: THE WAIT IS OVER LETS GET IT BOYS

@shane_hollander_fan: I thought I knew everything about Shane Hollander but TIL about a new vein in his forehead

@ottawacentaursdaily: So no one got smarter in the off season huh

@hazysheroes: The goat is unflappable 😤

@mrsrozanov: ILYA WITH KIDS AGAIN??? WE ARE SO BLESSED TY ADMIN IM IN MY SECOND TRIMESTER 😍

@ottawacentaursnews: @mrsrozanov googling how to delete someone else’s comment

@censational: LFG THE DEFENDING CHAMPS ARE BACK 🙏

@railmeshanehollander: Ugh yes he’s so hot when he’s trying to blow people up with his mind

@hollanovfanart: @railmeshanehollander girl I don’t think he wants to blow rozanov UP I think you added a word there 😭

@datadrivenhockey: Chiming in here to say that on average Rozanov is faster than Hollander but the time he is talking about is the All Stars Fastest Skater competition of 2021, which is the only time they’ve been timed against each other. Posting a graphic now of their average speeds over their careers

@ilyarozanovdoingthings: @datadrivenhockey what I’m hearing is that Roz is faster

@datadrivenhockey: @ilyarozanovdoingthings it’s not that simple. Look at the graphic

@ilyarozanovdoingthings: @datadrivenhockey YAWN DIDNT ASK DONT CARE ROZ IS FASTER

@ottawachildrenshospital: We prepared you well @ilyarozanov @wyatthayesnhl! 🤣

@zaneboodram: You’re in time out @harrisdrover

Chapter End Notes

Alright I keep trying to leave this fic “finished” BUT I CANT!!!! Lmao whatever we’re starting a new season I guess I don’t care I don’t careeee!!!

—-

тупица = dumbass

Chapter 43: Most Gullible

Chapter Notes

Question of the Day! Who’s the most gullible?

A suspicious look crosses Ilya’s face, instantly skeptical.

Dead silent, Ilya hits him with a lethal Slavic stare — the picture of distrust. The moment lingers as Ilya reads Harris’ face past the camera, until Harris cracks and lets out a nervous giggle.

The Slavic stare continues. It’s terrifying.

He still hasn’t smiled.

Cut.

Cut.

Cut.

Young immediately starts taking off his gloves, and Holmberg follows. They match hands, and they’re the same size.

Holmberg drops his hand and walks onto the ice.

Cut.

Cut.

Troy pauses and looks briefly confused.

Cut.

Cut.

Cut.

Bood looks pleasantly surprised. Shane’s eyebrows furrow.