Chapter 1: 2012-2015
February 2012 Shane had only ever downloaded Twitter as a joke. Shane Hollander, the hockey player, had no social media presence outside of Instagram that frankly, his mom managed more than he did. It was a dare. “Hollander,” J.J said, slurring his words. “Give me your phone. Put a picture of ay, Rozanov, yeah as the profile picture.” @NiallHoransNandosOrder I know hockey players are like the most stereotypical kind of guy to be into but jesus fucking christ Hollander is hot. @SHoll95 replying to @NiallHoransNandosOrder I don’t see it. @ShaneHollandersBabyMomma replying to @SHoll24 and @NiallHoransNandosOrder Are you blind? @SHoll95 replying to @ShaneHollandersBabyMomma and @NiallHoransNandosOrder He’s not that good looking. @Hollzy2496 replying to @SHoll95, @ShaneHollandersBabyMomma and @NiallHoransNandosOrder He’s probably a Rozanov fan. Look at his profile picture. // Shane should have forgotten about the account. Everyone else did. But he’d gotten so many comments asking him if he even knew anything about hockey. What was Shane supposed to do, ignore all of these strangers who thought he knew nothing about hockey. Because he knew puck. There was just one problem. Between the negative tweets about Shane Hollander and Ilya profile picture, he was branded as an Ilya fan. Which, in some ways, he was. So long as Ilya Rozanov wasn’t playing against the Montreal Voyageurs. @SHoll95 changed their username to @HockeyBoy42 If Shane keeps tweeting, he needs to make sure his team can’t ever tell that it’s him. But he doesn’t change the profile picture. It’s a nice photo of Ilya. And J.J was right. It was funny, even if Shane could never admit it out loud. December 2013 Shane starts tweeting more. He doesn’t mean to. It just happens. @VeryOfficialBostonBearsUpdates The Montreal Voyageurs play a hockey game against the Boston Bears tonight. #HollanderVRozanov @Hollzy2496 replying to @VeryOfficialBostonBearsUpdates Oh Montreal is taking the cup this year. @NiallHoransNandosOrder replying to @Hollzy2496 Babe, let’s be real. It’s Rozy’s year. @Hollzy2496 replying to @NiallHoransNandosOrder Whyyyy do you have to be a IR81 fan why do you do this to me. @NiallHoransNandosOrder replying to @Hollzy2496 Shrug emoji. @ShakeItOff8995 replying to @VeryOfficialBostonBearsUpdates Olé Olé Olé Montréaaaal @HaydensIrwin replying to @VeryOfficialBostonBearsUpdates Get ready to lose, Boston!!! @ShaneHollandersBabyMomma replying to @HaydensIrwin You are a Hayden Pike fan. What do you know about winning? @HockeyBoy42 to @ShaneHollandersBabyMomma Don’t be rude. @ShaneHollandersBabyMomma replying to @HockeyBoy42 Not rude if is true. @NHLGameUpdates No penalty is given to Toronto’s Dallas Kent for roughing in tonight’s game against Boston. @HockeyBoy42 replying to @NHLGameUpdates But Rozanov gets a penalty for high sticking. Fuck this. @Hollzy2496 replying to @HockeyBoy42 and @NHLGameUpdates Lol. You swear you’re not a Rozy fan. You always defend him. @HockeyBoy42 replying to @Hollzy2496 and @NHLGameUpdates I like hockey. A bad call is a bad call. @Hollzy2496 replying to @HockeyBoy42 and @NHLGameUpdates Fair enough. @Hollzy2496 started following @HockeyBoy42. @HunterRozNation I’m new to #BearsHockey and #AdmiralsHockey. Can someone please explain what a hat trick is to me :( @ShaneHollandersBabyMomma replying to @HunterRozNation Nothing old man Hunter will ever get, for sure. @HockeyBoy42 replying to @HunterRozNation Ignore @ShaneHollandersBabyMomma. That account is a troll. A “hat trick” is the term for when a player scores three goals in a game. The fans celebrate by throwing their hats into the rink after the third goal. There’s a few good books on hockey rules, NHL and otherwise. PM me if you want any recommendations. @HockeyBoy42 replying to @HockeyBoy42 and @HunterRozNation But if you’re a Hunter fan, I wouldn’t expect to see any hat tricks anytime soon. @Hollzy2496 replying to @HockeyBoy42 and @HunterRozNation LMAOOOOOO @NiallHoransNandosOrder I think I want to rebrand. What should I change my username to? @Hollzy2496 replying to @NiallHoransNandosOrder Something hockey related perhaps……… @NiallHoransNandosOrder changed their username to @Hollanov2481 @Hollanov2481 Rebranding!! I used to be @/@NiallHoransNandosOrder. Please don’t forget me! @Hollzy2496 replying to @Hollanov2481 Not what I meant… @HunterRozNation replying to @Hollanov2481 What is a “Hollanov” @Hollanov2481replying to @HunterRozNation It’s the ship name for Shane Hollander of the Montreal Voyageurs and Ilya Rozanov of the Boston Bears! @HockeyBoy42 replying to @HunterRozNation and @Hollanov2481 What is a “ship” ? @Hollanov2481 replying to @HockeyBoy42 and @HunterRozNation Like, a relationship. You “ship” two people when you want to see them together. @HockeyBoy42 replying to @HunterRozNation and @Hollanov2481 Like friends? @Hollanov2481 replying to @HockeyBoy42 and @HunterRozNation Um. More like…dating. @HockeyBoy42 That makes no sense. June 2015 @Hollzy2496 Congrats to the Voyageurs on their cup and all but this hockey season hasn’t really been the same without @HockeyBoy42…come home….. @HollanderSwift replying to @Hollzy2496 and @HockeyBoy42 Sorry, I’m new here. Who is @HockeyBoy42? @ShaneHollandersBabyMomma replying to @HollanderSwift, @HockeyBoy42 and @Hollzy2496 Some weirdo hockey fanboy. He has bad taste. @HockeyBoy42 replying to @HollanderSwift, @ShaneHollandersBabyMomma and @Hollzy2496 Because I defended Pike once? @ShaneHollandersBabyMomma replying to @HollanderSwift, @HockeyBoy42 and @Hollzy2496 Wonderful. You are not as dumb as you seem (very dumb). Yes. 🙂 @Hollzy2496 replying to @HollanderSwift, @ShaneHollandersBabyMomma and @HockeyBoy42 Can you two please get tf out of my mentions? @HockeyBoy42 replying to @HollanderSwift, @ShaneHollandersBabyMomma and @Hollzy2496 No. @ShaneHollandersBabyMomma replying to @HollanderSwift, @HockeyBoy42 and @Hollzy2496 For once I agree. @Hollzy2496 replying to @HollanderSwift, @ShaneHollandersBabyMomma and @HockeyBoy42 I WILL BLOCK YOU BOTH.
Chapter 2: 2015-2019
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes October 2015 The Voyageurs are having a phenomenal season. High off winning the Stanley Cup, Shane Hollander feels like he’s on top of the world. And god, the sex was so good. Ilya’s in the bathroom, grabbing a washcloth, as Shane lays on the bed, scrolling through Twitter. It’s a bad habit, a terrible one even. But he just can’t stop. Shane Hollander is obsessed with little more than hockey and Ilya Rozanov. Shane sees a tweet of his post-game interview from his game from Tampa, two nights before. @HotHotHockey Shane Hollander, Captain of the Montreal Voyageurs In Tonight’s Post Game Interview: “I mean, yeah, it’s always nice when we win. But there’s more to hockey than winning: this was a good game, and Tampa put up a fight. Yeah. It was a good game, and that’s what matters.” @HockeyBoy42 replying to @HotHotHockey Literally no one cares about Tampa. @Hollzy2496 replying to @HotHotHockey and @HockeyBoy42 Mr HockeyBoy42 is this Shane Hollander shade???? // Here’s another bad habit Shane has: he has twitter notifications on. He should have them muted, or just ignore them entirely, since there was rarely anything good on Twitter anyways, but he turned them on when he first downloaded the app and just never bothered to turn them off. When he gets the notification, he looks up the word shade. Sue him. He likes to be informed. For what it’s worth, he doesn’t even think that he is throwing shade at Shane Hollander, ahem, himself. He loved hockey, but that didn’t mean that he loved every team that he played against. Like, for example, fucking Tampa. Fuck Tampa. Shane’s phone goes off again. It’s the same troll that follows him everywhere. Sometimes, late at night, Shane gets paranoid that the account somehow knows that he is Shane Hollander, even if Shane scrubbed any revealing personal information from the account years ago. He just didn’t get why that account was always. fucking. there. @ShaneHollandersBabyMomma replying to @Hollzy2496, @HockeyBoy42 and @HotHotHockey No. Mr. HockeyBoy42 is right. Hollander is boring. // Ilya chooses that moment to walk out of the bathroom, wearing a very low-cut towel. Shane throws away his own phone, barely noticing when it buzzes, the sound of yet another Twitter notification, at the very same time that Ilya’s does. But he does. @Hollzy2496 replying to @Hollzy2496 and @HockeyBoy42 and @HotHotHockey Whatever you say Shane Hollanders Baby Momma… // “Was that your phone?” Shane asks, breathlessly, staring up at Ilya towering in front of him, his muscles glistening with sweat. “You care about the sounds my phone makes right now?” Ilya asks, and Shane throws his phone across the room, turning his full attention to the statue of a man in front of him. “No,” Shane sighs, “No I don’t.” November 2015 @NHLGameUpdates Boston Bears @IlyaRozanov has scored at least three points in each of his last ten games, scoring two hat tricks in his last five games. #LetsGoBears [Video description: A compilation of Ilya Rozanov’s last few games, including all of his goal- scoring moments and assists, complete with the Sports Commentary] @HollanderSwift replying to @NHLGameUpdates Why did it never occur to me that Rozy has twitter. @HockeyBoy42 replying to @NHLGameUpdates and @HollanderSwift LOL. Not like he uses it. Hockey players have teams to manage their social media. @HockeyBoy42 replying to @NHLGameUpdates Also, this account may try to be unbiased but this is a phenomenal achievement. Rozanov is one of the most dynamic and skilled players in the league right now. @Hollzy2496 replying to @NHLGameUpdates and @HockeyBoy42 Just admit that you’re a Rozy fan. He’s literally your profile picture. @HockeyBoy42 replying to @NHLGameUpdates and @Hollzy2496 I just like hockey. @HollanderSwift replying to @NHLGameUpdates and @HockeyBoy42 What about Hollander? @HaydensIrwin Does anyone know what @/HockeyBoy42 does for a living? I always see him commenting on hockey posts and answering questions. Does he work in the industry? @Hollzy2496 replying to @HaydensIrwin I think he’s just a hockey fan. There’s a lot of them on this app, it’s just rare for the “dude- bros” to interact with this side of the hockey fandom. @HaydensIrwin replying to @Hollzy2496 Oh, that’s nice. June 2016 @NHLGameUpdates For the second year in a row, Shane Hollander and the Montreal Voyageurs take home the Stanley Cup! #GoVoyageursGo [Video of Shane and the Voyageurs celebrating their win.] @HunterRozNation replying to @NHLGameUpdates Scott Hunter we WILL get you that Cup next year. @HockeyBoy42 replying to @NHLGameUpdates and @HunterRozNation Unlikely. @ShaneHollandersBabyMomma replying to @NHLGameUpdates, @HockeyBoy42 and @HunterRozNation Mr. HockeyBoy is right. Hunter is dinosaur. November 2016 @HockeyBoy42 Girl I just broke my strict asf diet to have a tuna melt with this guy that rearranged my guts sooooo good you would not believe. [This tweet has been deleted] @Hollzy2496 Hockey oomf totally just posted on the wrong account. @HockeyBoy42 PSA: Be safe online! Don’t click on any suspicious links, and make sure to remove the access of any third-party apps you give access to your account and turn on login verification. https://www.nytimes.com/2016/07/15/technology/personaltech/keeping-hackers-from- grabbing-your-twitter-account.html @Hollzy2496 replying to @HockeyBoy42 LMFAOOOOOOO @HockeyBoy42 replying to @Hollzy2496 ? @HockeyBoy42 retweeted @RyanPricesSideChick What is our plan to get Ryan Price out of fucking Buffalo #FreeRyanPrice December 2016 @HotTakeDaily Is #RoseLandry dating #NHL Star #ShaneHollander? Read our Tell-All here: https://www.hottakedaily.com/2016/12/15/is-rose-landry-dating-nhl-star-shane- hollander.html @ShaneHollandersBabyMomma replying to @HotTakeDaily Delete this. @ShaneHollandersBabyMomma replying to @ShaneHollandersBabyMomma and @HotTakeDaily Where did they even meet. This is stupid. @ShaneHollandersBabyMomma replying to @ShaneHollandersBabyMomma and @HotTakeDaily SHANE HOLLANDER NOT DATING ROSE LANDRY @ShaneHollandersBabyMomma replying to @ShaneHollandersBabyMomma and @HotTakeDaily SHANE HOLLANDER FOCUSING ON HOCKEY @ShaneHollandersBabyMomma replying to @ShaneHollandersBabyMomma and @HotTakeDaily SHANE HOLLANDER ELIGIBLE BACHELOR @Carter5mith replying to @ShaneHollandersBabyMomma and @HotTakeDaily He’s not gonna fuck you bro. @ShaneHollandersBabyMomma replying to @Carter5mith and @HotTakeDaily :( January 2017 @HunterRozNation Is…is this Scott Hunter’s year? @ShaneHollandersBabyMomma replying to @HunterRozNation Is fluke. He will choke. @Enchanted2MeetYou So I’m in MTL for the week and my friend dragged me out to the club and Rose Landry is here with that hockey guy she’s seeing…he looks #awkward as hell #RoseLandry @CamilleLemieuxPerron A night with the girls <3 #MTL #ILoveMyGirls [Photo description: a trio of college aged girls at a club in Montreal, with Ilya Rozanov visible in the background, as well as Rose Landry, in about two pixels] @Hollanov2481 Is anyone else being really incredibly normal about the fact that Shane and Ilya were definitely at the same nightclub in Montreal last night. @PrettyBoyShane replying to @Hollanov2481 Where are you seeing this????? @Hollanov2481replying to @PrettyBoyShane Check DMs. February 2017 @NHLGameUpdates The Boston Bears beat the New York Admirals in tonight’s game. @ShaneHollandersBabyMomma replying to @NHLGameUpdates Not so “his year” now. @HunterRozNation replying to @ShaneHollandersBabyMomma and @NHLGameUpdates It’s always MTL fans talking shit about Hunter. @ShaneHollandersBabyMomma replying to @HunterRozNation and @NHLGameUpdates Would never be fan of stupid Montreal. Please stop with such lies and slander. March 2017 @BostonBearsUpdates Ilya Rozanov did not return to Boston with the rest of the team, following last night’s game against Montreal. @JeremyG13 replying to @BostonBearsUpdates Is he injured??? Or sick?? @HockeyBoy42 replying to @JeremyG13 and @BostonBearsUpdates He wasn’t injured in last night’s game. April 2017 @Hollzy2496 WHAT THE FUCK. IS HOLLZY OKAY??? THAT HIT WAS CRAZY @Hollanov2481replying to @Hollzy2496 Did you see the way Rozy was looking at him after??? #Hollanov @Hollzy2496 replying to @Hollanov2481 Oomf….not the time @MontrealVoyageursOfficial Shane Hollander will be out for the rest of the season after his injury in tonight's Bears- Voyageurs game. #ShaneHollander #NHL #Voyageurs May 2017 @BostonBearsUpdates After the Bears loss to the Admirals tonight, the Bears are officially knocked out of the playoffs while the New York Admirals advance to the next round @HunterRozNation replying to @BostonBearsUpdates Nooooooo…….but maybe this is Hunter’s year after all….. @ShaneHollandersBabyMomma replying to @HunterRozNation and @BostonBearsUpdates Stop trying to make Hunter happen. He is not going to happen. @HunterRozNation replying to @ShaneHollandersBabyMomma and @BostonBearsUpdates You should just rebrand as “Scott Hunter’s #1 Hater” @ShaneHollandersBabyMomma replying to @HunterRozNation and @BostonBearsUpdates Mmm. I think this one is better. June 2017 @NewYorkAdmirals Holy fucking shit. [This tweet has been deleted] @NewYorkAdmirals The New York Admirals, led by Scott Hunter, take home their first Stanley Cup since the ‘90s, after winning the game against Los Angeles. @HunterRozNation Um @HunterRozNation So… @GayScottHunter replying to @HunterRozNation Whoa… @GayScottHunter So…I just made this account because I’m #gay and like Scott Hunter. I guess me and Scott Hunter have something in common? @HunterRozNation The New York Admirals just won their first cup and Scott Hunter just kissed his boyfriend on the ice what the fuck how is this real life #LoveIsLove #GayLove @HunterRozNation replying to @HunterRozNation Rozanov next…I mean what @JeremyG13 replying to @HunterRozNation Why are you people always trying to make everything gay? @HunterRozNation replying to @JeremyG13 and @HunterRozNation Pretty sure Hunter did that himself… @JeremyG13 replying to @HunterRozNation Not Hunter…I am proud that professional male hockey finally has a gay male player, but Hunter is American. Rozy is Russian, and even if he is gay, it would be incredibly dangerous for him to come out. @HockeyBoy42 Wow @ShaneHollandersBabyMomma fuck July 2018 @RyanPricesSideChick yeah no it’s cool i wanted #RyanPrice traded but did it have to be to toronto? @BabyHazys replying to @RyanPricesSideChick lol @Hollzy2496 replying to @RyanPricesSideChick What’s wrong with Toronto... @RyanPricesSideChick replying to @Hollzy2496 and @RyanPricesSideChick toronto killed my grandma, okay???? @HunterRozNation Ottawa???? He’s going to fucking Ottawa??? @HunterRozNation replying to @HunterRozNation Just. I didn’t know that Ottawa was an option. @Hollzy2496 replying to @HunterRozNation Now this crash out I can get behind. @HunterRozNation replying to @Hollzy2496 and @HunterRozNation I’ve been a Bears fan for 5 years…...half a decade….and now Rozy is leaving….but can I be a Bears fan without Rozy on the team? @ShaneHollandersBabyMomma replying to @HunterRozNation and @Hollzy2496 bears will be bad without their star. no point to watch. December 2018 @Hollanov2481 I started this account as a joke because I thought it would be the craziest thing ever if Rozanov and Hollander were anything more than on-ice rivals…I wasn’t expecting them to actually be friends????? Like, close-enough-to-start-a-foundation together friends?????? What’s next…Troy Barrett is secretly gay? @BoodramDykstra replying to @Hollanov2481 Known homophobe Troy Barrett? @Hollanov2481replying to @BoodramDykstra and @Hollanov2481 Is he actually homophobic? I don’t know anything about him, I was just throwing darts at a wall. I got so used to looking crazy for thinking that Hollander and Rozanov were more than on-ice rivals that I can’t believe they’re actually friends. Like I wasn’t expecting to be… almost right. What’s next? @BabyHazys Hazy and Rozy on the same team……are the Centaurs about to be…good? @ShaneHollandersBabyMomma retweeted @BoodramDykstra replying to @BabyHazys #CentaursCup2019 @HockeyBoy42 replying to @BoodramDykstra #VoyageursCup2019 July 2019 @Hollzy2496 I can’t believe Hazy, Rozy, Hollzy and Price are actually all friends. Like what do you mean they’re coaching at a charity camp together in the off-season #IrinaFoundation @RyanPricesSideChick replying to @Hollzy2496 My baby is so cute…I know he’s a 6’7 hockey player but he’s so cute ☹ @BabyHazys replying to @RyanPricesSideChick and @Hollzy2496 This is how I feel about Hazy. @ShaneHollandersBabyMomma replying to @BabyHazys, @RyanPricesSideChick and @Hollzy2496 me with hollander…little baby born yesterday @HockeyBoy42 replying to @ShaneHollandersBabyMomma, @BabyHazys, @RyanPricesSideChick and @Hollzy2496 Hollander is a grown man. What are you talking about? @Hollzy2496 replying to @HockeyBoy42, @ShaneHollandersBabyMomma, @BabyHazys, @RyanPricesSideChick and @Hollzy2496 Mr. HockeyBoy42 let us baby our NHL players…it is so hard without hockey @HockeyBoy42 replying to @Hollzy2496, @ShaneHollandersBabyMomma, @BabyHazys, and @RyanPricesSideChick Sorry. Continue. @ShaneHollandersBabyMomma Hollander has baby-face. So cute. I want to squish his cheeks. @HockeyBoy42 replying to @ShaneHollandersBabyMomma, @BabyHazys, @RyanPricesSideChick and @Hollzy2496 @Hollzy2496 Come on. This has to be stopped. November 2019 @HunterRozNation I’m at the Kingfisher and Ilya fucking Rozanov is two tables away from me. With Scott Hunter. Talking. Like they’re friends. @HuntersIlya replying to @HunterRozNation Do we know if Hunter is still with his Stanley Cup boyfriend? Maybe Ilya is his rebound if they broke up. I mean, I’d hit that. @HunterRozNation replying to @HuntersIlya Not even sure who you’re referring to here, but I’d hit that too. @HockeyBoy42 replying to @HuntersIlya and @HunterRozNation Pretty sure they’re still together. And besides, Rozanov can definitely do better than that old man. No hate to Scott Hunter #Ally @Hollzy2496 replying to @HockeyBoy42, @HuntersIlya and @HunterRozNation Mr. HockeyBoy42 you have to be stopped. @HockeyBoy42 replying to @Hollzy2496, @HuntersIlya and @HunterRozNation No hate to Scott Hunter! Rozanov can totally do better, that’s all. @HunterRozNation replying to @HockeyBoy42, @Hollzy2496, @HuntersIlya and @HunterRozNation Like who? He’s hot, obviously, but Hunter would be good for him. Stable, nice. @ShaneHollandersBabyMomma replying to @HunterRozNation, @HockeyBoy42, @Hollzy2496 and @HuntersIlya hunter is boring, not stable. and probably married. since he is so old now.
Chapter End Notes
guys i know shanehollandersbabymomma is so obviously ilya but like could you have at least pretended not to know this... i put way more effort into trying to make the twitter accounts sound like their time period than i did into the formatting or anything hockey sorry. but i did partially write this while watching the habs x canes game so the hockey tweets really did come from my heart. just not the rule book.
Chapter 3: 2021
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes January 2021 @HunterRozNation Where was Dallas Kent on January 6th. @NotTroyWhoIsThat replying to @HunterRozNation I too would like to know this. @BearsFan33 replying to @HunterRozNation I’d like to know where Rozanov was. @HockeyBoy42 replying to Come on now what sense does this make. @troismoi Close sources reveal that Ilya Rozanov, the captain of the Ottawa Senators, uses drugs (percocets, marujiana, etc) and is a sex addict, allegedly spending hours in various hotel rooms and his penthouse with men. @Hollanov2481replying to @troismoi ROZANOV ON TROISMOI??? @Hollzy2496 replying to @troismoi i have tears in my eyes who told troismoi about rozy who submitted this AJFKHSJKA @HockeyBoy42 replying to @troismoi I know you make your money off of baseless celebrity gossip, but please make at least some attempt to make these “blind items” believable. This is just corny. @ShaneHollandersBabyMomma replying to @troismoi rozanov would never do percs. maybe adderall. but not percs for sure. @JefffreyG replying to @ShaneHollandersBabyMomma and @troismoi Why adderall? @ShaneHollandersBabyMomma replying to @JefffreyG and @troismoi 🤷 February 2021 @Ottawa Troy Barrett, a hockey player for the @OttawaCentaurs has publicly come out with this video. We extend our warmest welcome from the LGBTQ+ community and offer him some support. @HunterRozNation replying to @Ottawa I JUST CAN’T STOP WINNING @ShaneHollandersBabyMomma replying to @Ottawa congrats to the second hottest player on the centaurs 😘 @HockeyBoy42 replying to @ShaneHollandersBabyMomma and @Ottawa Who’s the hottest? @ShaneHollandersBabyMomma replying to @HockeyBoy42, @ShaneHollandersBabyMomma and @Ottawa rozanov. obviously. @HockeyBoy42 replying to @ShaneHollandersBabyMomma and @Ottawa Right. Not sure why I asked. @BradleyKing35 replying to @Ottawa Ugh. Why is hockey so gay now. Get out of here with the gay shit @Hollanov2481replying to @BradleyKing35 and @Ottawa You get out first @HockeyBoy42 replying to @BradleyKing35 and @Ottawa You can’t seriously be complaining about a sport with 2 out Gay hockey players in it’s entire history being too gay, right? @HuntersIlya replying to @HockeyBoy42, @BradleyKing35 and @Ottawa ^^ @ShaneHollandersBabyMomma replying to @HockeyBoy42, @BradleyKing35 and @Ottawa ^^ @HunterRozNation replying to @HockeyBoy42, @BradleyKing35 and @Ottawa ^^ @Hollzy2496 replying to @HockeyBoy42, @BradleyKing35 and @Ottawa that one straight guy hockey oomf who is always on the right side of history March 2021 @Hollanov2481 Hey can we take that video down? That’s a huge invasion of privacy. @HuntersIlya replying to @Hollanov2481 Seconded. Even if it was obviously a joke, it isn’t right. @Hollzy2496 replying to @HuntersIlya and @Hollanov2481 Thirded. I think we should avoid talking about it until we get any comment from their official teams. @JeremyG13 replying to @Hollanov2481 Agreed. This is such a horrible thing to have leaked. @NHLGameUpdates This is not a game update, but in light of recent events, we are sharing @IlyaRozanov’s and Shane Hollander’s joint statement regarding their relationship following leaks. [Image Description: A screenshot of Ilya and Shane’s instagram statement, confirming that they have been in a relationship for several years. @ShaneHollandersBabyMomma replying to @NHLGameUpdates 😢😢😢 @Hollzy2496 replying to @NHLGameUpdates babe are you okay you’ve barely touched your hollanov after they just confirmed they’ve been in a relationship for several years @Hollanov2481replying to @Hollzy2496 and @NHLGameUpdates I DIDNT WANT IT TO HAPPEN LIKE THISSSSS @Hollanov2481replying to @Hollanov2481, @Hollzy2496 and @NHLGameUpdates But while we are here. SEVERAL YEARS?????? SEVERAL YEAAAAARRSS? @Hollzy2496 replying to @Hollanov2481 and @NHLGameUpdates glad they made a statement so we can ethically lose our mindsssssss its realll @Hollanov2481replying to @Hollzy2496 and @NHLGameUpdates Its reall its always been real @PhanHockey replying to @Hollanov2481, @Hollzy2496 and @NHLGameUpdates quick how do i make this about dan and phil @ShaneHollandersBabyMomma Poll: who is the hottest NHL player right now Shane Hollander Ilya Rozanov Someone Else (wrong) @Hollzy2496 replying to @ShaneHollandersBabyMomma hollzy4thewin @ShaneHollandersBabyMomma replying to @Hollzy2496 and @ShaneHollandersBabyMomma should be ilya @Hollzy2496 replying to @ShaneHollandersBabyMomma and @Hollzy2496 You should probably change your username to something else now that Hollzy is dating Rozy and you’re not his baby momma. @ShaneHollandersBabyMomma replying to @Hollzy2496 who say that @Hollzy2496 replying to @ShaneHollandersBabyMomma and @Hollzy2496 Me? I mean we have all seen the statement. @ShaneHollandersBabyMomma replying to @Hollzy2496 you are hollzy 24 96 even though 96 has been retired for 7 million years. at least i can still be his baby momma. @DogsOfTheWorld It’s Post A Picture of Your Dog Thursday. Share a pic of your dog below! 📸🐶 @MarieSmith96 replying to @DogsOfTheWorld [Photo description: Image of a golden retriever, holding a small ball in its mouth] @ShaneHollandersBabyMomma replying to @DogsOfTheWorld [Photo description: A playful looking medium sized dog, that is obviously Anya] April 2021 @NHLGameUpdates For the first time in NHL history, an out couple is publicly playing against each other in the #NHLPLayoffs for Game 1 of #MTLvsOTT. #GoCensGo #GoVoyageursGo @Hollzy2496 replying to @NHLGameUpdates Lol. The emphasis on an “out” couple @Hollanov2481replying to @Hollzy2496 and @NHLGameUpdates Well Shane and Ilya played against each other for years, they just weren’t out as a couple. Maybe there’s other players secretly in relationships? @HuntersIlya replying to @Hollanov2481, @Hollzy2496 and @NHLGameUpdates Why did Scott Hunter like your tweet? July 2021 @OttawaCentaurs Ilya Rozanov and his dog, Anya, are volunteering today at Parliament Hill! [Photo description: Ilya Rozanov, in sweatpants with a massive grin on his face, next to Anya, who looks to be in the middle of wagging her tail. It is not evident in the photo, but this dog is very, very, obviously spoiled totally rotten by her dad] @HockeyBoy42 replying to @OttawaCentaurs So cute @Hollzy2496 replying to @HockeyBoy42 and @OttawaCentaurs You’re my favourite Rozy fan. @HockeyBoy42 replying to @Hollzy2496 and @OttawaCentaurs Thank you 🙂 @ShaneHollandersBabyMomma replying to @OttawaCentaurs where shane @OttawaCentaurs replying to @ShaneHollandersBabyMomma and OttawaCentaurs [Photo description: Shane Hollander, dressed in jeans and an oversized Ottawa Centaurs hoodie that may or may not belong to Ilya Rozanov, at the same event, with Anya beside him looking slightly less happy than she does with Ilya] @Hollzy2496 replying to @OttawaCentaurs and @ShaneHollandersBabyMomma Everyone say thank you Harris!! @Hollanov2481replying to @Hollzy2496, @OttawaCentaurs and @ShaneHollandersBabyMomma Thank you Harris @ShaneHollandersBabyMomma replying to @Hollzy2496 and @OttawaCentaurs thank you mr. harris October 2021 And just like the summer had ended, the season started again. For the first time in his career, Shane and Ilya would be playing together. Not just as boyfriends or partners, or whatever Shane called it before, but as legally married husbands. Ilya looks over at his husband now, half asleep, scrolling through his phone. Shane wasn’t nearly as active on twitter as Ilya was, but he still couldn’t stop himself from using the app. “Moy lyublyu,” Ilya whispers, shifting over in their bed to give Shane the gentlest forehead kiss he can, as an apology for waking up his beautiful husband. “Da?” Shane answers, in the Russian he’d spent so many years learning. For Ilya, a small voice in Ilya’s head reminds him, Shane had done so much for him. “I have an idea.” Ilya starts. “Maybe stupid.” Before the real Shane can say anything at all, the small very Shane Hollander shaped voice inside of his head tells him that he isn’t stupid, tells him not to be so mean to himself. Shut up, Shane, Ilya tells the Shane in his head. But he never means it. The real Shane, the one in front of Ilya, reaches over and presses a kiss to each of Ilya’s knuckles. “Tell me.” “Your twitter,” Ilya starts. Shane’s beautiful freckles scrunch up into a puzzled look. Ilya suppresses the urge to reach over and smooth them out. “What twitter?” “Your burner.” Ilya starts, “that’s what they call it. Your secret account, so you can post whatever you want without anyone knowing it is second best NHL hockey player Shane Hollander.” “You know about that?” Shane asks, his eyes widening. Ilya nods. “Since when?” Ilya shrugs. “Years, I think.” “How?” “It is very obvious. HockeyBoy42. Just backwards. I know you. No one else talks like you.” Shane lets out what might genuinely be a whine. “It was supposed to be a secret.” “I have a burner too.” Ilya admits, shy for the first time tonight. Shane nods. “Shane Hollander’s Baby Momma,” It is now, it seems, Ilya’s turn for his jaw to drop. Shane continues, “you’re not very subtle. You’re calling Scott Hunter old constantly and starting fights with whoever.” “I am defending your honour, thank you very much,” Ilya retorts. “All while saying you want to put a baby in me.” Ilya smirks, and shifts slightly closer to Shane. “Keep talking dirty to me.” “Fuck you,” Shane says, pushing Ilya away. “Usually you like it the other way around,” “I am also saying I am your baby momma. So you would have to put a baby in me.” “You want me,” Shane hesitates, “to put a baby in you?” “Not the point. My idea is for me to post a picture of you.” Shane’s face scrunches into another look of confusion. “One that is new, never been seen before. Just so that Twitter can fight over how I got this photo.” “The season just started. Don’t you want to focus on your game?” “Who said I cannot do both?” Ilya retorts, and Shane concedes. @ShaneHollandersBabyMomma god i need him so bad [Image Description: a picture of Shane Hollander, very clearly taken from his bed, with blankets covering up his half-naked body. Shane looks to have just awoken, given the tired look in his eyes and his bedhead.] @Hollzy2496 replying to @ShaneHollandersBabyMomma Where did you find this photo wtf @Hollanov2481 replying to @Hollzy2496 and @ShaneHollandersBabyMomma Seconded. @ShaneHollandersBabyMomma replying to @Hollzy2496, @Hollanov2481 and @ShaneHollandersBabyMomma i took it. @Hollzy2496 replying to @ShaneHollandersBabyMomma and @Hollanov2481 Took it from where @ShaneHollandersBabyMomma replying to @Hollzy2496, @Hollanov2481 and @ShaneHollandersBabyMomma from my phone ? @Hollzy2496 replying to @ShaneHollandersBabyMomma and @Hollanov2481 Who are you, Ilya Rozanov? @ShaneHollandersBabyMomma replying to @Hollzy2496, @Hollanov2481 and @ShaneHollandersBabyMomma da. @HockeyBoy42 replying to @ShaneHollandersBabyMomma, @Hollzy2496, and @Hollanov2481 …
Chapter End Notes
i would like to give inspiration credit for the adderall scene to @paulasoldestson on twitter (tweet link here: https://x.com/paulasoldestson/status/2007879564647915623). thank you all for reading this. it was a bitch to figure out how to end this (ive always been bad at endings) but thank you so much for all of your kind words, i hope that this was at least half as funny as the last two chapters. xx!! Please drop by the Archive and comment to let the creator know if you enjoyed their work!