Rating:

Mature

Archive Warning:

No Archive Warnings Apply

Category:

M/M

Fandoms:

Heated Rivalry (TV), Game Changers | Heated Rivalry - All Media Types, Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid

Relationship:

Shane Hollander/Ilya Rozanov

Characters:

Shane Hollander, Ilya Rozanov, Gritty | Philadelphia Flyers Mascot

Additional Tags:

not really gritty for legal reasons, Semi-Public Sex, Established Shane Hollander/Ilya Rozanov, Closet Sex, Caught, Texting, Secret Relationship, Crack, Fluff and Crack, Ilya Rozanov is a Menace, Ilya Rozanov is a Little Shit, Being Walked In On, Attempt at Humor, Humor, This Is STUPID, Memes, How Do I Tag, Exactly What It Says on the Tin, All-Star Game, NHL All-Star Game, One of My Favorites

Language:

English

Series:

Part 4 of Zebra Huddle

Stats:

Published: 2026-04-15 Words: 1,929 Chapters: 1/1

The Googly Eyes See All

Summary

It's All Star weekend, and Gerty, Philly's mascot, just wants a Snickers.
or
Ilya fights a mascot.

Notes

A gigantic thank you and a million kudos to murphysscribe for all the help!

If you think Zebra Huddle was silly, buckle the fuck up

2018 All Stars, Philadelphia 

Lily: get your fucking gear off NOW

Jane: oh no

Lily: hurry I need to suck your dick for that last goal

Jane: fuck 🥵

Jane: I’ll meet you in your room as soon as I can

Lily: no, too slow, there’s an equipment room down the hall

Jane: ILYA

Lily: 😘

---

 Gerty: 😳

Sharko: Teddy? You ok, buddy?

Gerty: 🫣

Luci: Ted, what happened?

Big Blue: who broke Teddy?

Ember: did you get stuck in your suit again?

Sharko: deep breaths

Sharko: what happened?

Gerty: ok ok ok

Gerty: I’m ok I think

Gerty: If I tell you something, it can’t leave this chat, got it?

Sharko: of course

Big Blue: the mascot chat is sacred

Big Blue: Steve, Kim, Cory, Jeff, Jordan, sound off

Luci: We swear on our mascot heads and comically large jerseys!

Ember: 🫡

Hudson: 🫡

Chuck: 🫡

Sir Skates-a-lot: I don’t have a fursuit, but I swear on my tricorn hat and stilts

Gerty: ok cool cool cool

Gerty: so after the game, I hung around the rink for a while signing autographs, ya know?  Took some pictures with the kids, then Ruthie wanted me to film some stuff for social media.  The usual stuff.

Gerty: by the time I was done, I had like an hour before that thing for the families.  And like all I wanted was a beer and a Snickers.

Chuck: yeah, I just left that, kind of a snooze this year

Gerty: anyway, I wanted to get out of my suit to use the can and have a snack before I had to leave so I went to the equipment room which turned out to be a HUGE mistake

Gerty: I mean, I know I have my own office, but this was closer!  I was just so hot and thirsty!  Besides, I like the equipment guys, they usually have beer and killer snacks in their office

Chuck: it’s ok, Teddy, just tell us

Gerty: the door was locked, but they gave me a key a while ago, so I let myself in.  I don’t know what your equipment rooms are like, but ours is split into three actually.  The front is the players’ stuff, extra pads and shit, then you pass through that to the room where they have all the other junk, cones and shovels and stuff, the very back room is their office, make sense?

Sharko: Yeah I got it, sounds like ours

Gerty: so I start heading for the office, thinking I’m going to steal a beer and raid their snack drawer while I get undressed.  I walk into the second section of the room and um

Luci: seriously, dude, you can’t keep us in suspense

Gerty: sorry, I just felt like I was going crazy!!

Gerty: I walk in, still completely in costume, haven’t even taken my head off, and there were two players making out.

Ember: wait, what?

Chuck: who??

Sir Skates-a-lot: seriously, who?!

Gerty: I don’t know if I should say, I don’t want to out them.  Let’s just say they are very famous and were VERY passionately kissing with their hands down each other’s pants.  Like they were basically devouring each other while jerking each other off.

Hudson: let’s circle back on who, what happened next??

Gerty: well, I guess they heard me and kinda jumped back, looking at me all wild eyed.  One of them started straightening himself out, looking all embarrassed and the other turned to me and started yelling at me and waving his fists at me.

Sharko: whoa

Gerty: I couldn’t figure out what he was saying because most of it was in Russian and everything sounds menacing in Russian

Big Blue: hold on

Gerty: Then he grabbed me and snarled in my face that I better not say anything or else he was going to rip my fucking head off, all while like shaking me.  Hard enough that he fucked up the eyes on my mask, when I took it off the eyes were pointing in different directions.  Meanwhile, one of his hands started poking me around the middle and I could feel the belly of the costume like wobbling all over.

Sharko: I literally require the security footage

Big Blue: this sounds like a fever dream I once had

Gerty: I was trying to step back but he wouldn’t let go, so I kinda put my hand on his chest and gently pushed him back.  I mean, I had been in the suit all day, I was drenched in sweat and I was panicking at the whole situation.

Gerty: that’s when he took a swing at me.

Chuck: WTF

Luci: this was not on my All Stars bingo card

Ember: are you all right??

Gerty: he knocked me over but the mask and the ass padding took the worst of it, but he still had my jersey in his fist and he kept yanking on it while yelling in Russian

Hudson: holy shit

Sir Skates-a-lot: what was the other guy doing?

Gerty: Yelling at the Russian, trying to talk him down and reminding him that he had said that meeting in the equipment room was a bad idea

Gerty: so I was lying on the floor, my mask half off and they're bickering like an old married couple.  He finally let go of me and I think they forgot I was there for a second because they started aggressively chirping at each other.

Gerty: I was closer to the office than anything, so I start crawling towards there, thinking I can lock myself in there.  They were still distracted so I figured I could sneak off.  The Not Russian one spotted me and he was actually very nice, he came over and helped me up and he kept trying to apologize.

Gerty: Then he was trying to help take my mask all the way off, but there was no way I was letting that lunatic see my face!  We ended up in this weird tug of war for a solid minute, before I got a couple steps back and yanked it back on

Gerty: he said his boyfriend is a total asshole and he wanted to make sure I was ok, but this needed to be a secret, no one knew and it would be very bad if it got out. 

Gerty: And then he glared at the asshole one, like folded his arms and SCOWLED at him, for like a solid minute. And the asshole put his hands up and made his eyes all wide and said “Okay. Yes. I will not punch his orange face or his man face!” 

Sharko: oh my god

Ember: Teddy I think you need to

Gerty: the asshole one was still grumbling but I went to the office and stole a couple beers from their fridge for them and just sat and talked for a minute.  The asshole must not be that bad because he took a bag of Doritos from the snack drawer and put a $100 bill into the snack fund jar.  Apparently they’ve been together for years and are kinda pissed that they were caught by “that fuzzy orange asshole on skates”

Sharko: I mean… that’s an accurate description of Gerty

Luci: you are known for shooting people with the t-shirt cannon

Big Blue: Remember that time you dumped popcorn on Rose Landry?

Gerty: she loved that!

Hudson: these are the memes people make about you

Gerty: fuck all of you, now I’m definitely not going to tell you who it was

Big Blue: well, the Russian guy was obviously Ilya Rozanov

Sharko: how did you get that?

Big Blue: easy, very famous and Russian.  He’s the most famous Russian in the league by far.

Ember: And he’s HOT!

Hudson:

Big Blue:

Gerty: I hate my life.

Sharko: not the point right now, babe. So it was Roz?

Gerty: …no comment

Sharko: So what happened?

Gerty: not much, they had their beers, then they left.  They said they had a presser but I haven’t heard of anything scheduled and Roz gave the other guy a keycard to a hotel room

Big Blue: So it was Rozanov!

Gerty: 🙄 yeah fine it was.  On his way out, he told me if this got out, he knew Russian mafia and they’d never find my body

Sir Skates-A-Lot: classic Roz!

Chuck: give us a blind item description of the other guy at least

Gerty: …

Gerty: fine

Gerty: this does not leave chat, ok?  I don’t feel like ending up in a shallow grave

Gerty: Famous.  Very polite.  Silver medallist in Sochi.  Rookie of the year.

Sharko: FUCKING HOLLANDER?????

Sharko: sorry should have said ROZANOV IS FUCKING HOLLANDER???

Gerty: 😏 no comment

Hudson: 😳

Ember: 😳

Big Blue: 😳

Chuck: 😳

Luci: 😳

Sir Skates-A-Lot: actually makes a lot of sense.  I mean they’ve been going against each other since Juniors, there’s a reason enemies to lovers is so popular in romance stories

Ember: you got something to share with the class, Jordan?

Sir Skates-A-Lot: fuck off Kim, my wife reads almost nothing but smut books

Ember: hey, no judgement here, I love coming home after a game and reading some m/m hockey player smut.  Didn’t think it actually happened in real life.

Sharko: so what are you going to do?

Gerty: I mean, there’s nothing to do, right?  Just keep my lips sealed and always knock when I go into equipment rooms now I guess

---

Lily: FUCKING GERTY

Jane: it’s fine, he’s terrified of you so I don’t think he’ll say anything

Lily: you’re being very calm about this

Jane: maybe it hasn’t hit me yet. Having dinner with Pikes, talk later okay?

Lily: Kiss Saint Jackie on cheek, remind Hayden he is fifteenth best player on team.

Jane: I hate you.  

Lily: You are a liar, that is not what you said when you had your dick in my mouth this morning. 

Jane: DINNER! With PIKES!

Jane: Okay. no more equipment rooms, locker rooms, janitor’s closets or stairwells

Lily: You are taking this very calm. 

Jane: ... 

Jane: are you being sarcastic?

Lily: No! You are calm. You have plan!

Jane: maybe the sight of you punching a mascot broke my brain a bit

Lily: Or maybe is boring dinner with Pikes.

Lily: I should have brought home Gerty head as a trophy. 

Jane: Have I mentioned I hate you.

Lily: Yes, yes, tell me just how much later, while we break the headboard.

Jane: We have to be more careful. I don’t want to risk Sir Skates-A-Lot catching us, he is TERRIFYING

Lily: you mean, you don’t find tricorn hats sexy?  I could borrow it

Jane: 😣

Lily: Some of the mascots are hot though.  Ember, smash or pass?

Jane: What? No! We’re not doing this!

Lily: Come on, tell me. Ember? 

Jane: god fine, smash I guess

Jane: Big Blue?

Lily: I want Big Blue to watch me fuck you

Jane: you want a big blue polar bear to watch us?

Lily: anything so that you don't freak out

Jane: I'm fine, I swear

Jane: mostly

Jane: oh god

Jane: ILYA

Jane: GERTY SAW MY DICK

Lily: shhh, sweetheart, it’s a beautiful dick, I bet he’s so jealous

Jane: fuck, I’m sitting right next to Hayden in a restaurant.  I can’t have a crisis because a sports mascot saw my junk!! 

Jane: and fuck you, we wouldn’t be in this situation if you could’ve waited 20 minutes to get to the hotel

Lily: It was the best idea. Next time we put hockey bags in front of the door, and sticks to make noise!!

Jane: Lily