Rating:

Explicit

Archive Warning:

No Archive Warnings Apply

Category:

M/M

Fandoms:

Heated Rivalry (TV), Game Changers | Heated Rivalry - All Media Types

Relationships:

Shane Hollander/Ilya Rozanov, Shane Hollander & Ilya Rozanov, Troy Barrett & Harris Drover & Shane Hollander & Ilya Rozanov, Harris Drover & Shane Hollander & Ilya Rozanov, Zane Boodram & Ilya Rozanov, Zane Boodram & Shane Hollander, Shane Hollander & Ottawa Centaurs WAGs Ensemble, Ottawa Centaurs WAGs Ensemble & Ilya Rozanov

Characters:

Shane Hollander, Ilya Rozanov, Zane Boodram, Harris Drover, Cassie Boodram, Lisa Hayes (Game Changers), Selena Chouinard, Caitlin Dykstra, Boyle's Wife (Game Changers)

Additional Tags:

Texting, Texting Fic, Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, Fluff and Crack, Humor, Fluff and Humor, Ottawa Centaurs Player Shane Hollander, Ottawa Centaurs Player Ilya Rozanov, Ottawa Centaurs WAGs Group Chat (Game Changers), Established Shane Hollander/Ilya Rozanov, Not Canon Compliant, Ilya Rozanov Loves Shane Hollander, Shane Hollander Loves Ilya Rozanov, Married Shane Hollander/Ilya Rozanov, Ilya Rozanov is Obsessed With Shane Hollander, Shane Hollander is Obsessed With Ilya Rozanov, Tooth-Rotting Fluff

Language:

English

Series:

Part 7 of O-Town’s Fillies Back Again

Collections:

Anonymous, Anonymous

Stats:

Published: 2026-10-23 Words: 7,620 Chapters: 1/1

O-Town's Fillies: Valentine's Redux

Summary

O-Town’s Fillies Back Again 🐎👩🏽🥵

Wednesday January 29^th, 9.07pm

 

Shane H-R

He wouldn’t be able to fuck you in the waders?

They fasten over the shoulder, right?

And I assume to stay watertight there’s no fly situation?

Cassie B

Captain Harlot over here thinking about wader sex logistics

Ilya H-R

Sweetheart, should I get waders?

Another WAG chat, another Valentine's Day - but this time, both husbands are in the chat.

Notes

what can i say, i got infected by the virus that makes you crazy about writing hollanov in group chats

O-Town’s Fillies Back Again 🐎👩🏽🥵

Wednesday January 29^th, 8.12pm

Nicole B

calling all my sluts

Cassie B

I am a MOTHER

Nicole B

fine

calling all my sluts and my milf

Cassie B

Better!

Harris D

Reporting for duty!

Caitlin D

You rang?

Ilya H-R

Privet twin!! 👋

@Shane H-R, get here

Shane H-R

Why?

Ilya H-R

She said hello to the sluts

Caitlin D

That’s your bat signal, babes
😂Cassie B, Harris D

Shane H-R

What the fuck? Why?

Ilya H-R

Sweetheart

Cassie B

Please be so for real, Shane

Selena C

Yooo

You called, I came!!!

Also Shaney, COME ONNNNNNN

Shane H-R

You’re all rude!

Nicole B

and correct, pookie

in the whore olympics, you’re setting records

Ilya H-R

Definitely the quicksjdfksdhfjksdbfhksdhj
😏Nicole B

Shane H-R

Shut the fuck up
😂Caitlin D, Selena C, Harris D

Caitlin D

LMAOOOOO

Lisa’s finishing her shift, she’ll clock in soon

What’s up?

Nicole B

need to talk v-day

josh did it last year, it’s my turn

Cassie B

Definitely do the Titanic violinist again
😭Caitlin D

Ilya H-R

Oh my god

I forgot about that!!

Shane H-R

Titanic violinist?

Caitlin D

First year Joshy did Valentine’s Day for Nic, he hired what he thought was a string quartet

But turned out to be solo divorcée who played Titanic for them
💀Nicole B

Cassie B

And chatted non-stop about his bitch ex-wife

That part is important!

Shane H-R

Holy shit, that is bleak

Titanic isn’t even the best string piece you could play?

https://www.youtube.com/874sf3s…

Ilya H-R

SHANE

Up???

Shane H-R

It’s pretty!

Selena C

I AM COOKEDDD 😂

You said ‘don’t do bleak’ and then sent Up??????

Harris D

That is EMOTIONAL WARFARE 😭😭

Cassie B

ARE YOU ON FUCKING CRACK, HOLLANDER? 🫨

WE DON’T JUST WHIP OUT UP

Nicole B

you’re really out here doing dead old people music for valentines day

wowzers

Caitlin D

I bet he doesn’t know that Ilya sobbed at it

Ilya H-R

Shut your mouth, Dykstra

Or I will tell Evan to write another song

Caitlin D

EVIL RUSSIAN BAD GUY 🫵

Shane H-R

Oh baby, you cried at Up?

You’re so cute 😘

Nicole B

strike one

Shane H-R

Fucks sake

Harris D

Tell us the rule!

We know you know it!

Ilya H-R

Say the rule, sweetheart

Caitlin D

Or the next Wine Friday is on your dime

Shane H-R

God no, you’re all animals

No making Nicole believe in love on the chat.

Nicole B

thank you 🙂‍↕️

Shane H-R

But you literally just asked about Valentine’s Day??

Nicole B

in an ironic way

very cool, unbothered

Ilya H-R

Hold on

It is the end of January already?

Selena C

Yeah babe?????

Caitlin 🫪

Wednesday January 29^th, 8.30pm

Ilya

Caitlin

Your hair looks beautiful this evening

Caitlin

Oh my god, what do you want

Ilya

Kick Shane out of the chat

Caitlin

MA’AM???

Fuck right off

Selenaaaaaa 🗣️

Wednesday January 29^th, 8.33pm

Ilya

Selena

PLEASE KICK SHANE OUT OF THE CHAT

Selena

NO????????????

Lady Boyle

Wednesday January 29^th, 8.34pm

Ilya

Lady Boyle

Lady Boyle

yo

Ilya

Please may you kick Shane out of the WAG chat?

Lady Boyle

girl

not on your life

O-Town’s Fillies Back Again 🐎👩🏽🥵

Wednesday January 29^th, 8.37pm

Shane H-R

So what’s your problem, Nic?

Nicole B

you know j, he’s a romantic

Shane H-R

He is?

I mean, he just talks about your ass constantly

Nicole B

well exactly 😏
😂Selena C, Lisa H

Ilya H-R

So just show him your ass then, Nic

It will work

Also @Lisa H, when you get this please check your texts

Cassie B

He’s so right, Nic 🤷

Caitlin D

Put whipped cream on it

Selena C

NO!!!

Don’t do that, I did it once and oh my GODDD the pimples I got 💀

Nicole B

annoyingly i need it to be more special than that

he’s been very cute recently

Shane H-R

Ooooh, cute how?

Caitlin D

Gossip Girl has entered the chat
😂Nicole B, Ilya H-R, Harris D

Shane H-R

Oh my god, I am NOT THAT BAD

Ilya H-R

Hide your secrets, ladies!! 🤐

Shane H-R

Get over here and say that to my face.

Harris D

Ruh roh!!

Nicole B

boys

now is not the time for an anger bang
😏Cassie B

Ilya H-R

Shit

Caitlin D

Literally proving our point, @Shane H-R

Big ol’ slut
😭Cassie B

Nicole B

anyway

will not be taking questions about this so don’t ask, but family drama

and j has been kind of amazing during it all

Ilya H-R

Are you really properly sure we are not related

Nicole B

europeans don’t have a monopoly on crap families, kiddo

Ilya H-R

I am just saying

The signs are all there

Do you want one very sexy hockey brother and one shitbag brother we do not talk to?

He will ring you angrily once every 4-5 years to call you a slur

Maybe ask for money

Nicole B

tempting offer

but i’m actually so okay, thanks

Ilya H-R

Worth a try

Cassie B

So he’s been good about it?

Nicole B

so good

like dealing with people’s drama without even telling me good

Caitlin D

Josh is such an enigma

Most unserious man on the planet 99% of the time

Nicole B

sexy maury povich the other 1%
💀Cassie B

so we gotta go big on v-day this year

Shane H-R

Ilya, what was that band he was listening to in the locker room the other day?

Ilya H-R

You actually need to stop this
😂Nicole B

Shane H-R

What?

Ilya H-R

I know you know who The Beatles are
💀Nicole B

Harris D

OH MY GODDDDDD 😂

Caitlin D

Where were you even raised, Shane?

In a barn?

Shane H-R

I’m only kidding!

My high school girlfriend played Come Together on the clarinet at the school recital

Ilya H-R

Your high school what

Caitlin D

Oh Jesus 🥴

Selena C

SHANE

PLEASEEEEEE DON’T DO THIS 😭

Shane H-R

@Ilya H-R, stop yelling in the garden

God, TMZ and everyone else knows your sexual history

Ilya H-R

Ugh, fine

Just remember that I am the most obsessed with you

Cassie B

Like literally anyone could forget babe

Nicole B

ah ah! strike two

Ilya H-R

Fuck, sorry

Lisa H

Hey girls!! Sorry, I just got off shift

What are we talking about?

Caitlin D

Hey hottie!

Nic needs to charm J for V-day 😏

Lisa H

OOOOH

What do we have so far??

Dr Lisa

Wednesday January 29^th, 8.50pm

Ilya

Lisa! Please kick Shane out of the group chat?

Dr Lisa

I don’t know what’s happening here

But no!

Ilya

FUCK

Dr Lisa

Why??

Ilya

I forgot about Valentine’s Day!!!! 😭

Dr Lisa

HAHAHAHA

Oh sweetie 😂

O-Town’s Fillies Back Again 🐎👩🏽🥵

Wednesday January 29^th, 8.53pm

Nicole B

everyone needs to tell me what they’re finding sexy right now

for inspiration

Selena C

Nick’s thighhhhssssss

Nicole B

not what i was after

but hell yeah, babe!

Caitlin D

Just like a really filthy sext
😏Nicole B

Tried and tested

Harris D

Seconded!

Ilya H-R

Shane’s perfect everything

Nicole B

boooooooo tomato tomato

Shane H-R

Don’t tomato my everything!
🍅Nicole B, Caitlin D, Cassie B, Selena C

Ilya’s everything too

Nicole B

you are both so unhelpful

and you are this close to strike three

Cassie B

A full night of sleep

Zane taking the diaper bin out

A shirt that doesn’t have vomit on it

Caitlin D

You are truly a billboard for parenthood
😂Harris D, Selena C

Ilya H-R

@Cassie B, we have Saturday free if you want us to have Milo for a couple of hours?

Shane H-R

Yeah, we can take him! Mom wants to see him anyway.

Cassie B

Oh my GOD

Really??

I can have a bath

WE CAN BOTH TAKE NAPS 😭

Shane H-R

Of course! I’ll text you tomorrow ❤️

Cassie B

I would die for you both

What’s your charge?

Ilya H-R

We do not need paying ever!!

My godson lives here rent free whenever he wants
❤️Cassie B

Unless my Boody wants to make some pork belly

Shane H-R

Oh, we’ll absolutely take that

Cassie B

Done

Nicole B

cassie, i have newfound respect for you running this group like the military

this is like herding cats

please give me ideas!!

paging dr @Lisa H

Lisa H

Okay, I’m up to date!!

Nic, why not cook him dinner?

Caitlin D

So you mean Uber Eats

Lisa H

No, actually cook!

Selena C

HONEY

SHE WILL GO TO JAILLLL
😂Harris D

Shane H-R

Are you really that bad, Nic?

Nicole B

i can bake, but actual meals are out

god knew he could either give me a pornstar body or the ability to make dinner

i’d be too powerful with both

Lisa H

Okay, so no to dinner then 💀

Wait, didn’t he start fishing with Evan recently?

Ilya H-R

Oh my god

My boys are all so boring

Shane H-R

You literally bought a sudoku subscription last week

Selena C

LOSSSSSSSER!!

Harris D

This intel 🫖

Cassie B

Oh girl 😭

That is midlife crisis behaviour

Caitlin D

Do we need to call a nightclub-based intervention?

Nicole B

this group is useless

sexy but so useless

Shane H-R

I know for a fact it’s not useless!

You literally all helped Ilya with Valentine’s Day before

Ilya H-R

@Cassie B I texted you

Caitlin 🫪

Wednesday January 29^th, 9.01pm

Caitlin

So that’s why you want Shane out of the chat

Ilya

I fucking forgot Valentines, Dykstra

Caitlin

LMAOOO 😂

Lady Boyle

Wednesday January 29^th, 9.02pm

Lady Boyle

oh hell no

now i know you were not trying to steal my help thunder

Ilya

Nicole

Please, I need this

Lady Boyle

get fucked, daddio

Ilya

Remember the horrible year I had being outed to the world

Lady Boyle

same year you got married, moved in with your husband, and had him join your team?

oh, and you got a godson?

that year?

Ilya

Damnit

Lady Boyle

uninvite me from your pity party

O-Town’s Fillies Back Again 🐎👩🏽🥵

Wednesday January 29^th, 9.07pm

Lisa H

@Nicole B, do something fishing related!

Buy him a weekend away somewhere?

Or some new gear?

Nicole B

hmm he’s all good for gear

but a weekend could work!

Caitlin D

She told me that she finds the gear hot

Nicole B

you were told that in confidence, snake 🐍

Harris D

PLEASE!! 😭

Caitlin D

“I want to fuck him in the waders, Cait”

Selena C

LMAOOO SURELY NOT??? 😂😂

Shane H-R

He wouldn’t be able to fuck you in the waders?

They fasten over the shoulder, right?

And I assume to stay watertight there’s no fly situation?

Cassie B

Captain Harlot over here thinking about wader sex logistics 💀

Ilya H-R

Sweetheart, should I get waders?

Shane H-R

You don’t fish?

Ilya H-R

I could learn to

Would you fuck me in the waders

Caitlin D

I can’t stress this enough

He’d fuck you in anything

Ilya H-R

Stop luring me into strike three

Nicole B

luring! you’ve got the lingo down already

@Shane H-R unfortunately the waders will be a serious problem

the lack of access makes it sexier 😏

Shane H-R

Huh. Interesting

Ilya H-R

He is googling waders

Cassie B

Great! So we’ve established you’re going to fuck again

Harris D

And no one was shocked

Caitlin D

Honestly

If either of you could get pregnant, I would have spayed you like a stray cat by now
😂Harris D

Shane H-R

Horrifying, thank you!

Lisa H

Okay, I have a plan!

@Caitlin D why don’t you do some digging with Evan?

Get him to find a place for a boys’ fishing weekend

And then @Nicole B you organize it and pay for that?

Nicole B

dr lisa

i am going to do a sexual to you 😘

thank you!!

Lisa H

I will accept cheesecake as payment! (but never dinner)

Save the sexual for later 😘

Lady Boyle

Wednesday January 29^th, 9.24pm

Ilya

NOW will you kick Shane out of the chat??

Lady Boyle

still no

Ilya

Hate crime

Nicole, Cass, Harris, Cait, Selena + Dr Lisa

Wednesday January 29^th, 9.27pm

Nicole

has ilya texted anyone else?

Cait

About kicking Shane out? Yessir

Nicole

and i take it we all said never ever ever

Cait

Correct

@Harris did he text you?

Harris

Hell no! He knows I do NOT get involved in hockey boy drama ❌

Dr Lisa

I feel kind of bad 😔

He just wants to organize something for his husband!

Selena

OHHHH is that what it’s about???

Awwwwww 😢

Cass

You don’t need to feel bad!

Truth time

Selena

???????

Cass

I’m already helping Shane plan V-day this year

Nicole

he literally proposed last year?

how could he possibly be topping that

Cass

Secrecy pact!

He’s planning a big trip around the Mediterranean over summer
😭Caitlin, Dr Lisa, Harris, Selena

Dr Lisa

STOP!!!

They’ve never been on vacation before, right?

Cass

Right! He’s taking Ilya on a belated honeymoon for the off-season 🥰

Nicole

goddamn

why is that man so romantic

cait, are you hard right now

Cait

Go fuck yourself

But oh my GOD

Ilya’s going to shit his pants
💀Nicole

Selena

Gross???

Cait

Shit them with love?

Selena

Still gross????

Harris

Oh, he is so cute! 🥰

Cass

So let’s just agree to distract Ilya for a fortnight? Pass the buck on it until Shane tells him

Selena

DONE

Nicole

you’re telling me i have carte blanche to annoy a man?

will not be a problem

Cass

You’re so mean to him omg

Nicole

it’s a sibling rivalry thing

you wouldn’t get it

Cass

Friday January 31^st, 11.12am

Shane

https://www.melia.co…

So I’ve found the PERFECT place in Ibiza, I think?

Cassie

SHANE

WHAT THE FUCK

Shane

I know!! It’s gorgeous

Cassie

You two are such drama queens for each other

I thought he was insane for that crazy Parlee Beach place

Shane

That was incredible, though

Okay, so I’m thinking we start in Ibiza, do maybe 4 nights there?

Then potentially Mallorca?

Cassie

Would it not make sense to go somewhere totally different after that?

A pool is a pool is a pool, y’know?

Shane

Damn, I don’t envy Zane

You’re a tough woman to please!

Cassie

Oh babe, let’s be serious

Someone else vacuuming my house would make it feel 7* right now

Shane

I told you to hire our housekeeper! She’s amazing

And we only have her in twice a week, so you could definitely get on her roster?

Cassie

I know

I’m literally just too tired to organize my life right now

Shane

If it’s not overstepping, I can do it?

I’ve got your address, I can set it up for you

Cassie

Literally what did I do to deserve you, Hollander???

SORRY, HOLLANDER-ROZANOV

Shane

That’s my name, feel free to wear it out forever

Cassie

Never gets old, does it? 🥰

Shane

Quite literally never 😭

Anyway, I’ll call Martha later and let you know!

Cassie

Kissing you in a way that is respectful to both our partners

Shane

😘😘

Cassie

And as your thanks: Dubrovnik

Ilya saw it on that documentary a few weeks ago, remember?

Shane

OH MY GOD, YES!

Kissing you back respectfully and platonically
👅Cassie

Cassie

And that’s totally different from that RIDICULOUS resort you sent

And then obviously you need to do a winery in Tuscany!

So that I can live vicariously through you

Shane

Do you want to be my travel agent for the rest of time?

Cassie

I take 75% commission

Shane

Absolute robbery

https://www.borgoscopetorel…

Cassie

Helping you plan this was the literal worst idea I’ve ever had

I’m SO JEALOUSSSS 😩

Shane

Here’s a deal for you:

You help me plan this, and when Milo’s old enough to be left for a longer period of time, we’ll have him for a week and you can live your European fantasy with Zane

Cassie

I am so fragile right now, Shaney

I cannot handle empty promises

Shane

Not empty! You know we love having him.

Besides, Ilya would kill for a week straight with him

Cassie

You’re gonna need to make a father out of that boy one day!

Shane

I’m honestly this fucking close

Cassie

Parking that before I start crying 😭

But you know what this means, right?

Shane

??

Cassie

Intercontinental fuckfest 😏

Shane

Oh, Cass

Don’t threaten me with a good time 😏

Cassie

“I’m not a slut” ???

Shane

Well, I can’t admit it in front of him!

His ego is big enough

Cassie

Sure Jan 😂

Lady Boyle

Friday January 31^st, 6.55pm

Ilya

You said you did not want to talk about it

But as the king of not talking about shit families

I am here if you need

Lady Boyle

thanks, pookie

might take you up on it soon

but it’s a lot right now

Ilya

No pressure

Twins stick together

Lady Boyle

i’ve never asked

does that stuff bother you?

Ilya

Stuff?

Lady Boyle

the me secretly being a russian sibling thing

it’s always been a joke but i guess i’ve never considered if it bothers you

me saying privet and whatever

Ilya

I like it

My home is here now, but my home was there once

And it was not all good, but is nice to think about sometimes

Lady Boyle

yeah?

Ilya

Yes

I live my whole life in English, I have Canadian husband and Canadian residency

I have been here so long I sometimes forget

And it is good to have the reminder of this bit of me

Also, having a sibling who is not world’s biggest cunt is a nice dream

Lady Boyle

okay, i’m glad

we found out my dad has a kid in vermont

seems he had an affair for years while i was in elementary school

mom is, to put it lightly, fucking losing it

Ilya

What a fucker

Thank you for telling me

Want me to teach you how to swear in Russian?

Lady Boyle

god yes

Ilya

[voice note attached, duration 02:47]

O-Town’s Fillies Back Again 🐎👩🏽🥵

Monday February 3^rd, 7.33pm

Nicole B

hereby thanking dr lisa and cait for fishing inspo

a deep river fishing hut with a nespresso machine has been booked

Lisa H

God, I really am unstoppable with gift ideas 💁‍♀️

Harris D

She’s done it again!!

Nicole B

it’s one of the hottest things about you

and that list is so long

Lisa H

Stop flirting 😏

Nicole B

never 😏

Caitlin D

That sounds great!

Thanks for giving Ev a vacation weekend by proxy, too 💕

Nicole B

let’s throw a rager at yours while he’s away
🕺Harris D

Caitlin D

That’s actually a great idea

Selena C

YESSS!!

Nicole B

@Ilya H-R there’s a spare sofabed if you’re still planning on taking up fishing for sex purposes

Ilya H-R

I do not need to touch a carp for sex purposes

One thing many years of long distance gives you is an excellent imagination

Caitlin D

@Shane H-R confirm? Pretending to touch a carp for sex purposes works?

Shane H-R

It’s really not the weirdest one we’ve done

Cassie B

Omg

Selena C

NEXT WINE FRIDAY SUBJECT CONFIRMEDDDD

The Hollander-Rozanov TED Talk on role play!!!
😏Caitlin D

Lisa H

I’ll take some tips on that... 🤔

Cassie B

THE RETURN OF THE STEALTH DEVIANT 👀

Ilya H-R

She stopped being stealthy the minute she bought that tripod

Harris D

Tripod??

Ilya H-R

Sending you a link

Shane H-R

ILYA!

Nicole B

this is a group of godless whores
😂Cassie B, Selena C

i love you all dearly

Bood 🥵🏒

Thursday February 6^th, 9.41am

Ilya

Good morning, sweet prince!

Bood

ello gorgeous

Ilya

Your wife is ignoring me

Bood

very big hmmmm incoming

(aimed at you)

hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

Ilya

Stop being weird about your wife

Bood

you mean the mother of my child

the light of my life

better half of my soul

that one?

Ilya

Yes, that one

Ooh, better half of the soul is a good one

Don’t tell Shane next time I use it

Bood

you can’t out-romance the chief romancer 😏

never been done

Ilya

Did I piss her off?

Bood

cass? she hasn’t said anything

Ilya

She does not usually ignore me

I know she is very busy being world’s best mama

But she is replying on the WAG chat

Bood

we are taking turns with one brain cell at the moment

she might just have forgotten to get back to you

would you like me to snoop...

Ilya

Would you like to snoop?

Bood

of course i would like to snoop

it’s my favourite thing to do

Ilya

Is why you and Shane get on so well

Two gossipy queens

Bood

oh i know, brother

i get all the deets 👀

Ilya

???

Deets about what?

What deets

Bood

🤐🤐

Ilya

Oh I see how it is

Now I am chopped liver

Bood

never chopped

lightly mushed, maybe

let me snoop and i’ll get back to you

Ilya

Thank you!!

Also we can have Milo again soon if you need

Because I am such a good friend

Your BEST ONE, REMEMBER?

Bood

and this is nothing to do with your long game to steal my son

Ilya

I do not want to steal him!

I will love him so much that he will come to me of his own free will

Bood

that is ominous

Ilya

😈😈

Okay I have to go watch Shane do laundry

Bood

uhh

do i want to know?

Ilya

Ah, Boody 😏

Maybe you do not want to snoop about this

Bood

heaving a wearied ‘get some’ for my boy

Ilya

Gratefully received 🙏

Bood

use protection!

also, shane actually wants the grey sofa btw

he’s saying blue is fine because he knows you like it

Ilya

I KNEW IT!! Stubborn man

Thank you, darling 💋

Bood

anytime, dear 💋

Bood 🥵🏒

Thursday February 6^th, 11.38am

Bood

ilya grigorievich hollander-rozanov kennedy onassis junior

why did you ask to have your husband kicked out of the wag chat??

shame on you!

Ilya

I do not have a plan for Valentine’s Day!! 😭

I am in a crisis and I need the WAGs to help

Bood

just make a separate chat?

Ilya

I am banned

Harris said I am not allowed after I kept making new chats to send photos of my daughter

Bood

and why did you need a new chat for anya pics?

Ilya

Because I tried to send 46 at once

Bood

you’re such a loser 💀

Ilya

You sent me 100 photos of Milo last month!!

Bood

a) you asked for them

b) my wife actually literally birthed him

Ilya

Shane birthed Anya

Bood

c’mon man, i have to see him at practice tomorrow 😩

Ilya

The miracle of childbirth is beautiful and natural

Bood

i know!! i’ve seen an actual one!! my son’s!!

Ilya

Blah blah

I need the WAGs to help, Boody!

Bood

you’ve done the big stuff now

does it need to be huge?

Ilya

Is my Shane

I always want it to be huge

Our first Valentine’s Day as husbands!

Bood

if that d-man from tampa could see this chat

he would be asking who knocked his front tooth out last week

because this is not that man

Ilya

I contain multitudes

Will you please help me? Please? 🙏

What are you doing with Cassie?

Bood

quite literally nothing

i think she would punch me if i suggested voluntarily leaving the house when we’re this tired

dinner, probably

Ilya

Maybe I could do a good dinner too

Have you consulted your magic Pinterest board yet?

Bood

oooooh yes, king

there’s a marinated lamb shank whispering to my grill

Ilya

Goddamn

Okay I need that link

Bood

ZB🔥 shared a link with you on Pinterest! https://www.pinter…

Ilya

Holy fuck

Your grilling pinboard is like pornhub

Bood

what kind of porn are you watching, dude

Ilya

Can you imagine

JACKED Bear Pounds Raw (Meat)!! [18+]

Bood

stop making me laugh when i’m trying to get milo down 😂

hot local beefcakes (literally) in your area!!

Ilya

That link would have so many viruses

Bood

oh and you’d know, would you

Ilya

When I was a younger, lonelier man

My laptop would have had them all too
💀Bood

Cass

Thursday February 6^th, 6.14pm

Cassie

We may have a problem…

Shane

What??

Cassie

Z’s been snooping today

Shane

Fork found in kitchen
😂Cass

Cassie

I managed to distract him, but he’s got a good memory!!

Shane

You can’t tell him!

You know he’ll tell his brother-lover immediately

Cassie

I know! He’s persistent, though

Shane

Wait

Why does Bood know to ask anything?

Cassie

I think Ilya put him up to it...

Because I may be ignoring texts from him 🙈

Shane

Is that why he called you out in the chat the other day?

What did he ask?

Cassie

Okay, you can’t get mad

Shane

I’m literally already mad now you’ve said that

Cassie

Shane!! He’s doing it because he means well 😭

Because he wants our help planning V-day again!

Shane

What did he say??

Cassie

He asked me to kick you out of the chat

Shane

HE FUCKING WHAT

Oh he’s a dead man

Cassie

He wants our help to organize something for you!

And remember Harris banned him from making new chats after Anya-gate?

Shane

I don’t care

I AM THE ORIGINAL WAG! NOT HIM!

Cassie

Come onnnn, babe!

You know he’s just sitting there freaking out because he wants to plan something amazing for you

Shane

I will probably find this adorable later

But first I have to kill him

O-Town’s Fillies Back Again 🐎👩🏽🥵

Thursday February 6^th, 6.25pm

Shane H-R

@Harris D, I meant to ask!

Have you planned anything for Valentine’s for Troy yet?

Harris D

We’re just going low key!!

Imagine if I took that man out for a flashy dinner 😂😂

Caitlin D

World record for least amount of eye contact given to a waiter

Selena C

LMAOOOOOO

Shane H-R

That’s cute, though! I bet he’ll like it.

Better than trying to get a reservation anywhere half-decent this late in the game 🤪

Cass

Thursday February 6^th, 6.29pm

Cassie

Oh, you’re fucking EVIL evil huh?

Shane

If I get angry to his face it just turns him on 🤷

Cassie

The way you just offer this shit up now 💀

Bood 🥵🏒

Friday February 7^th, 7.56am

Bood

breakfast danish today 👀

breakfast danish today queen??

breakfast danish today 👀

Ilya

You are a scrounger who wants to get me in trouble with Shane

I will hear Ilya you are going to get diabetes and die

Ilya you are going to give Bood diabetes and then you will be murdering a father

Ilya you are going to be on blood pressure medication for old people

Bood

okay but

breakfast danish today?

Ilya

Fucking fine, I will pick it up on the way to practise

Pistachio?

And skimmed flat white?

Bood

you love me so well 💋

may have a gift for you in return…

Ilya

You should have led with that

Yes??

Bood

ZB🔥 shared a link with you on Pinterest! https://www.pinter…

i have hereby built you a valentine’s dinner pinboard

3 courses, tailored to the kitchen utensils i know you own

all with macro counts

Ilya

Boody

I am going to give you diabetes

I am about to buy you 15 pastries

THANK YOU!!! ❤️

Bood

found a salmon & roasted veg traybake that actually could be on pornhub

that was a very enlightening find for me

Ilya

It is never too late to learn about yourself

I recently learned that I enjoy slapping!

So does Shane 😏

Bood

oh my god

so now i have to see your husband and think about him birthing a dog and slapping you with a hard on 😭

great

Ilya

And I have to think about you jacking off to a fish dinner

Do not play the victim in this

Bood

you know what, that’s fair

Ilya

https://www.alltrails.co…

I found a new hike for Shane too

I think the weather is meant to be good on the 14th

So I will take him on that because he is a sexy exercise psychopath

And then dinner

And then maybe a bath because I bought new candles

And I have already ordered flowers

Bood

you’re going to get arrested

what’s the charge, i hear you cry?

81 counts of downbaddery

Ilya

You think it is okay?

Is enough?

Bood

brother, he’ll love it!

you’ll definitely get a slap out of it 😏

Ilya

Here is to hoping 🤞

Bood

you see, the little romance goblin was inside you the whole time

Ilya

If I am lucky, I will be the one getting inside 😈

Bood

man come on 😭

fuck off and get my danish

Ilya

So rude to your very best friend in the world

O-Town’s Fillies Back Again 🐎👩🏽🥵

Saturday February 8^th, 12.21pm

Caitlin D

JUST SAW TARA IN WHOLE FOODS

Cassie B

Holy shit?? She’s back

Shane H-R

Wait, she moved?

Caitlin D

We thought she did! After her cheater boyfriend broke up with her

Ilya H-R

No, she is still here!

Got a job as a receptionist for a construction company just outside town in November

Nicole B

how do you know literally everything 👀

Ilya H-R

This one is a long story

Cassie B

Well I have Milo on me, so I’ve got nothing but time…

Ilya H-R

Photo please!

Cassie B

[image attached]
❤️Ilya H-R, Shane H-R

Caitlin D

I am SAT

Literally, I’m now waiting to pick Ev up from the dentist

Ilya H-R

Okay

I went to Michaels just before Christmas to get a Santa hat for Anya
😂Caitlin D

Nicole B

objectively ridiculous sentence for a 6 foot hockey player to say

Ilya H-R

I did not hear you complaining when you got the family Christmas card?

Nicole B

true, proceed

Ilya H-R

Anyway, so said hello to Judith

Which as usual means “please spend 85 hours telling me about your life”
😭Caitlin D

Told me that Sandra from her club’s daughter closed the candle company

Because she was avoiding taxes and got caught

Shane H-R

WHAT

HOW DID YOU NOT TELL ME THIS?

Ilya H-R

I forgot, I am sorry!

So her daughter had to go get a job, started working as an assistant

For a guy who owns a construction company just out of town

Cassie B

OMG

WORLDS COLLIDING

Caitlin D

Why is this city six people big

Ilya H-R

Gets better because Sandra was saying that her daughter was complaining

Saying that the new receptionist was a rude cow

Kept trying to flirt with all the men at the staff Christmas party

I asked if she had a picture

Caitlin D

And of course we’d recognize that boob job from space

Nicole B

maybe it’s you who’s gossip girl, actually 🤔

Shane H-R

I’ve been TRYING to tell you this!

Cassie B

We need to avoid that construction company like the plague
😂Caitlin D, Shane H-R

If they’re hiring candle criminals and TARA

Ilya H-R

I will get the name next time I go

I need to pick some things up for Yuna soon

Shane H-R

Liar!

Mom wouldn’t be caught dead getting stuff from Michaels

Share the real reason with the class, please…

Ilya H-R

Sweetheart!!

Caitlin D

I’ll bring you a breakfast sandwich on Monday if you say

Ilya H-R

Fuck, fine

Lisa is helping me make Anya a birthday outfit for start of March

Nicole B

oh my god 

Caitlin D

How do you know when her birthday is? She’s a rescue?

Ilya H-R

She feels like a Pisces
😂Caitlin D, Nicole B, Cassie b

Cassie Bood 👸

Saturday February 8^th, 4.25pm

Ilya

Cassie

Did I do something to upset you?

Boody does not think so, but I am sorry if I did

Cass

Saturday February 8^th, 4.26pm

Cassie

SHANEY, PLEASE

I HAVE TWELVE MESSAGES FROM HIM 😭😭

He’s breaking my heart!!!

[image attached]

Shane

Fuck

He hasn’t said anything to me

Oh, my baby 😭

Cassie

I won’t give anything away, but please!!

I can’t keep doing this to him 💔

Shane

Yeah, please

I don’t want him to be upset!

Cassie Bood 👸

Saturday February 8^th, 4.29pm

Cassie

Good afternoon, honey

Of course you haven’t upset me!

Sorry I’ve been awful

Ilya

Okay, that is good

I was just worried but maybe I was being stupid

But you were not replying here

Cassie

You weren’t being stupid, you were being observant and sensitive and that’s fine

And I’m sorry I didn’t reply!

I think it’s because I knew where it was going?

Ilya

Ah, Valentine’s Day

Maybe I should not have asked all the girls to kick Shane out of the WAG chat

Cassie

I mean, absolutely not

And you know we never would! Either of you!

We love you both so much ❤️

Ilya

I know, we love you too

I am just a little stressed

I have a plan but I will never be able to match what he did last year

Cassie

Sweetie, you don’t need to match anything!

You love him, he loves you

You could walk in with one of his gross protein shakes and he’d think you hung the moon!

Ilya

I know, is just the first year I get to celebrate with my husband

And I feel like my plan is shit

I am going to make dinner and I have a new hike route, that is it

Cassie

Ilya, you know full well that is Shane’s perfect day

Ilya

It should be bigger

Cassie

Why?

The size of the gesture isn’t the thing, it’s the thought!

And you’ve thought about what will make him happy

Ilya

I guess

Cassie

God I’m sorry, I’m an ass for ignoring you 😭

I could have just said this before

Forgive me?

Ilya

Of course ❤️

But I will take your son as an apology gift

Cassie

Oh my god, you are so ridiculous 😂

What about you both come over for a cuddle tonight?

I’ll make dinner?

Ilya

What do you think I am?

Some vile man who makes a new mother cook for him?

No! We will bring takeout

But yes to cuddles, please

With Milo but you can have one too ❤️

Cassie

Are you going to stop worrying about V-day?

Ilya

I will try

Probably not though

Cassie

If I tell you something, you need to promise you will ask no follow-up questions

TO ANYONE!

Okay?

Ilya

Okay?

Cassie

I mean it! Not a soul

Ilya

🤐🔒

Cassie

You definitely, definitely do not need to worry about it this year ❤️

Ilya

??

Oh my god what has that man done

Cassie

WHAT DID I JUST SAY?

Ilya

IT WAS RHETORICAL!!

Oh my god is he proposing to me again

I will say yes again

Cassie

ILYA!!

Ilya

Okay, I will say nothing I promise!

BUT AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH 😭😭

Cassie

I’m really sorry for ignoring you, babes

Get here for 7?

I’ll get Z to put some beer in the fridge

Ilya

Maybe I should be sad and pathetic more often

This has really worked out for me

Cass

Saturday February 8^th, 4.48pm

Cassie

You two are coming over for dinner later!

Shane

We are? Fun!

Is he okay?

Cassie

Yeah, he’s fine

But I feel so bad 😭

I swear he’s like my first son

Shane

Does that make me your son-in-law?

Cassie

Yes

Treat him right or I’ll kill you 🗡️

Shane

I finally got the shovel talk!
😂Cassie

Cassie

[image attached]

Shane

“I will say yes again”

GOD

THIS MAN 😭

Cassie

Go and get it out of your system, please!

I don’t need fuck me eyes across my dinner table

Shane

Yes ma’am 🫡

Cassie

Once again, ladies and gentlemen 🙄

Shane “I’m not a slut” Hollander-Rozanov

O-Town’s Fillies Back Again 🐎👩🏽🥵

Tuesday February 11^th, 7.27pm

Harris D

GIRLS

WE HAVE A SITUATION

Selena C

What????????

Nicole B

it’s so stressful when you yell

Lisa H

Omg what’s going on?

Harris D

I NEED THE BOYS HERE!!!

@Ilya H-R @Shane H-R

Shane H-R

We’re here!

We both are, Ilya’s just taking his phone out of rice

IT IS NEARLY FIXED! – ILYA

Cassie B

H babe, are you okay?

Caitlin D

What in the what is happening

Harris D

BOYS, HAS TROY SAID ANYTHING HINTY IN THE LOCKER ROOM

Caitlin D

Damn, we’re sticking with all caps

This is an emergency 🚨

Shane H-R

What do you mean ‘hinty’?

NOTHING HINTY – ILYA

Nicole B

h, what’s going on?

Harris D

HINTY AS IN DROPPING HINTS ABOUT VALENTINES DAY

Shane H-R

I don’t think so?

Ilya H-R

Okay, I am here

No, nothing??

Troy has been very shifty recently though

Selena C

Explain please Harris!!!!!

Harris D

I WAS LITERALLY JUST TIDYING UP I SWEAR 😩

I DIDN’T MEAN TO FIND IT

Shane H-R

Find what??

Harris D

THERE’S A TIFFANY’S BAG WITH A RING BOX IN THE CLOSET

THE IRONY IS NOT LOST ON ME

Lisa H

Oh my god!!

Do you think??

Selena C

SHUT THE FUCK UP 😭😭

Shane H-R

Holy shit

Did you open it?

Harris D

NO I DON’T WANT TO RUIN IT IF IT IS 😩

OH MY GOD

Ilya H-R

What the FUCK

He has not said anything to me!! Little rat

Shane H-R

Baby! Priorities?

Ilya H-R

Right right yes

OH MY GOD

Cassie B

And if it is, H?

What’s the answer??

Harris D

YES OBVIOUSLY
❤️Caitlin D, Shane H-R, Ilya H-R, Selena C

BUT I DON’T WANT TO JUMP TO CONCLUSIONS

Lisa H

Don’t spoil it, Harris!

If that is what it is, let him do whatever he has planned ❤️

Selena C

CRYING IN THE CLUB

Shane H-R

From experience, agreed with Lisa

If he’s got a big idea, let him play it out!

Ilya H-R

That is what I did with Shane

Shane H-R

Do not DARE act like you’d guessed!

You screamed like you’d won Miss World when you opened the door
😂Cassie B, Caitlin D

And then you cried for 5 hours straight

Nicole B

new favourite story about you, roz

Harris D

BOYS WHAT DO I DO

Ilya H-R

Harris, it is easy! Do you want to marry Troy?

Harris D

YES I DO
❤️Lisa H, Nicole B

Ilya H-R

Then if he asks, say yes

If it is not that, now you know you want to ask him

Caitlin D

That’s actually wise as fuck

Harris D

God FUCK 😱

Okay! I’m calming down

Cassie B

Babe! This is so exciting
😭Caitlin D, Selena C

Lisa H

We need to know the SECOND it happens

If it happens!

Harris D

Yes of course!! You will be the first to know

Thank you, girls ❤️

OH GOD I JUST FLIPPED OUT AGAIN

Shane H-R

@Harris D, you’re apartment 7, right?

Harris D

Yeah?

Shane H-R

Okay, great. I’ve just ordered you a bottle of wine

Ilya H-R

Drink it please!!

Harris D

Oh you do NOT need to tell me twice 😭

Selena C

WHAT A FUCKING NIGHT

SOMEONE ASK NICK TO RE-PROPOSE

Nicole B

you’re all on strike three

in other news, i am close to tears
😂Ilya H-R, Shane H-R

Bood 🥵🏒

Wednesday February 12^th, 9.01am

Ilya

Boody, my prince!

I need you at battle stations in the locker room today

Bood

well goddamn

what’s up buttercup?

Ilya

Keep a secret?

Bood

only for you 😘

Ilya

Harris thinks Troy is going to propose

Bood

holy shit!!!!

gayest team in the league!!!

god, we should get sponsored by grindr

Ilya

That would actually be great on the jerseys

But we do not know for sure!

So we need to pick up any clues today

Bood

is shane in on it?

Ilya

Do not ask stupid questions, darling

Shane is gossip Sherlock Holmes, he is already sleuthing 🕵️‍♂️

Bood

okay so we’re two days out from v-day

so we’re looking for flop sweat, phone never face up, shaky answers to plans, potentially a full body twitch if harris walks in the room

ooh, do you think we can orchestrate that

Ilya

I will text him

How do you know all of this?

Bood

because i’ve proposed, brother!

it’s fucking terrifying

Ilya

Even if you know they will say yes?

Okay, Harris says he will swing by after practise

Bood

hoooooo yeah, even then

you’re so worried about everything going to plan

it’s you finding a way to tell the person you love most in the world that you want to love them forever

there is nothing not scary about it

Ilya

Fuck 😭

I need to go and kiss my husband

Bood

be on time for practise, please!

i am not explaining that to wiebe

again 🫵

Bood, Ilya + Shane

Wednesday February 12^th, 11.45am

Shane

Final verdict?

Bood

100%

that boy’s tremors should be measured on the richter scale

Ilya

THIS IS HAPPENING

I will make such a beautiful flower girl

Cass

Thursday February 13^th, 3.45pm

Shane

ShaneHR24 wants to share their itinerary! https://www.wanderlog.co…

Final thoughts from the travel agent?

Cassie

Shaney baby, respectfully 😇

I am going to lose my fucking mind 😇

IT’S PERFECT!! You did so good!

Shane

I really do think he’s going to like it

Cassie

He’s going to love it!

That place in Dubrovnik is unbelievable

Shane

Your babysitting offer is ready to be redeemed as soon as you want!

Cassie

I love you boys so much 😭

Please send that Tuscany place to Z as subtly or unsubtly as feels right!

I pushed his giant baby out, I deserve it

My vaginal canal deserves it

Shane

I’ll send him the link!

Probably without the note about the vaginal canal, though

Cassie

Coward

Shane

Cassie?

Cassie

Yes, sweetie?

Shane

I’M GOING ON MY HONEYMOON 😭
❤️Cassie

Cassie

Wow, you’ll finally be able to consummate the marriage

O-Town’s Fillies Back Again 🐎👩🏽🥵

Friday February 14^th, 9.02am

Ilya H-R

Beautiful WAGs of Ottawa!

HAPPY VALENTINES DAYYYYY

Cassie B

Happy V-day, my loves!

[image attached]
🤗Ilya H-R

Milo says it too ❤️

Lisa H

Happy Valentine’s!

Caitlin D

Merry love day, hoes ❤️

Shane H-R

Happy Valentines!

Selena C

GUYSSSSSSSS

NICK IS TAKING ME TO COACHELLA

Caitlin D

Shut the fuck up!!

You are the coolest school teacher ever

Nicole B

sel’s about to get hiiiiiiiiiiiigh in a field in cali!

in advance: send pics of you in short-shorts

Selena C

You’ll get a photoshoot babyyyyyy 😏😏

Ilya H-R

@Selena C please facetime me from Doja Cat!!

Shane H-R

When are we breaking the fishing news, Nic?

Nicole B

j’s working out right now, but soon

i need the attention
😂Cassie B

Caitlin D

Good girl

Cassie B

@Lisa H, what’s the film of choice tonight?

Lisa H

The theatre is re-showing Roman Holiday! 💕

Cassie B

Cutest tradition ever

Ilya H-R

@Caitlin D your plans?

Caitlin D

Ev has promised a new kitchen in the summer, and complete creative control 🙂‍↕️

So he will be getting whatever he wants tonight

Shane H-R

NICE!

Wait, I meant the kitchen
😂Nicole B, Ilya H-R

Nicole B

boys??

Ilya H-R

Well, this weekend I will turn Shane on by scoring lots of goals against the Admirals

But today we are going hiking!

Shane H-R

*I get to turn Ilya on by scoring lots of goals
😏Ilya H-R

But later, apparently someone is doing dinner...

Nicole B

stop foreplaying in public

but good luck for tomorrow!

Ilya H-R

We will not need it!

Scott Hunter will be saving his 5 minutes of being awake to have bad belated Valentines sex with his child husband

Cassie B

Oh my god 💀💀

O-Town’s Fillies Back Again 🐎👩🏽🥵

Friday February 14^th, 8.16pm

Ilya H-R

I AM GOING ON MY HONEYMOON!!!!

Cassie B

Yeah you are!!

I’m so sorry I couldn’t say anything ❤️

Nicole B

all of europe’s mattresses are quaking in fear

Lisa H

That is so exciting! Where are you going?

Ilya H-R

Ibiza, Croatia, and Italy 😭

Caitlin D

Shaney, you win the Valentines Olympics!

Ilya H-R

CAITLIN

Now I will not be able to say anything sexier to him tonight

Nicole B

send me the most grotesquely expensive hotel you’ve booked

Cassie B

Babe, you really don’t want to see it

Shane H-R

https://www.borgoscopetorel…

Caitlin D

Oh FUCK OFF 😩

Nicole B

i want to have sex with that infinity pool

Selena C

PLEAAAAAASEE

Wait???

@Harris D where the fuck are you???

Cassie B

HOLY SHIT 🚨

HARRIS REPLY 🚨

Nicole B

harris!!!!

Ilya H-R

HARRIS

Shane H-R

I mean this in the coolest, normalest way ever.

@Harris D TELL US TELL US TELL US

I will literally call oh my god

Lisa H

COME ON @Harris D

Harris D

This is Troy on Harris’ phone, sorry

Harris can’t pick it up right now

BECAUSE THE ROCK ON HIS FINGER IS TOO FUCKING HEAVY

[image attached]
😭Caitlin D, Selena C, Cassie B, Ilya H-R, Shane H-R, Nicole B

Hollander, ring him and you’re a dead man 🫵

Selena C

YESSSSSSSSSS

Lisa H

OH MY GOD

Ilya H-R

Barrett, you little bitch!!!

If you ever keep anything like this from me again, I will put a hit out on you 

Caitlin D

Once again, Roz

PRIORITIES!

Shane H-R

Oh don’t worry, he was crying while he wrote it
😂Caitlin D, Cassie B

Nicole B

harris, babe

i am so fucking happy for you! 💕

in other news, you have all broken the rule

Caitlin D

Oh, go and fuck your man in his waders about it

Nicole B

first of all, mind your business

but second of all, already did!
😏Caitlin D, Shane H-R

Ilya H-R

Seeing as you have this in common

Maybe it is Shane you are related to instead 🤔