I just need a quiet place where I can scream how I love you

Lily

October 16 08.12 AM
Lily
Do not be mad at me.
???
What did you do???
Lily
I told new team I am seeing someone named Jane.
Oh, that’s fine.
Hayden has been teasing me about texting “Lily” for years.
Lily
Your friends know about me?
Do you tell them I am the best sex you have ever had?
What? Of course not.
Lily
((( mean
Good thing my ego is too big to believe anyone could fuck you better than me
And you have mostly only had bad sex with women so it is very easy competition to win shut up u know that's not what I meant
The guys only think I have a regular hook up named Lily because they've seen me texting you
Wait. You said you are 'seeing Jane' as in your hooking up or she's your girlfriend?
Lily
I am done hooking up. You are the only woman for me.
Fuck off.
If your teammates think Jane is your girlfriend, they're going to expect to meet her eventually.
Maybe if they get nosy, you could tell them we broke up.
Lily
I will not do that.
Here is part you will be mad at. I maybe told them about Jane on my first day with the team, and have talked about my lovely partner many times since then.
Now, Bood’s wife is asking to add Jane to WAGS chat.
You said no, right? .
Ilya.
Say no!
Jane doesn’t exist! She can’t be a WAG!
Lily
What do you mean Jane does not exist? I am looking at contact name Jane right now. I am talking to Jane right now.
You know what I mean.
Lily
You would not have to tell them your real name. The groupchat is on Messenger. We can make a Facebook for Jane. Easy fix.
Ilya, That’s fucking insane.
I am not catfishing your coworkers!
Lily
Okay. I will find different answer to problem.
I could ask Sveta if she can be my WAG.
I can say Jane is nickname, like easy English name she gives people who are too stupid to say her Russian name correctly.
She was in WAG chat for Boston. She would have fun, I think.
Fine, I’ll do it.
Lily
?
I thought it was “fucking insane”
Well, so is letting your ex hook-up pretend to be your girlfriend.
If anyone is going to be your fake girlfriend, it should be your real boyfriend.
Lily
Because it is more honest? Not because you are jealous?
Fuck off
You can’t talk. You pouted for like two days last month when I didn’t correct the press when they said I’m back together with Rose.
Lily
Russians do not pout.
I’m making the facebook. What should last name be?
Jane Rozanova?
No.
Jane doesn’t get to marry you before I do.
Lily
Don’t tempt me. There are many jewellery stores in Ottawa, and I know your ring size.
One day.
Lily
❤️
Is Jane Doe too obvious?
Lily
Yes.
Jane Davidson.
Son of David, which is true.
Okay sure.
Lily
How is this for profile picture?
Lily
NO! Obviously!
Also, I told you to delete that.
Lily
But you look so hot in your glasses (((
Okay, I will delete.
Lily
This better?
Lily
???
That isn’t me.
Lily
You are very difficult.
Cannot use photo because it is you.
Cannot use photo because it is not you.
You are worse than story of blonde girl who broke into Bears house to eat porridge.
You mean Goldilocks?
Lily
Russians call her Masha, but yes is probably same.
Does my photo have to be of a person? What if they find the actual woman in the photo? She could be an actress or model, or something.
It’s just too risky.
I’ve got to get ready for the game.
Don’t do anything insane without me.
Lily
Do not worry. I will save all my crazy for you, бетон
I don’t know that one.
Lily
Concrete.
Is that a dick joke?
Lily
You do get very hard.
🖕

Lily

October 18 9:14 AM
Did you order something from Amazon?
I didn’t, so it was either you or I have a stalker
Lily
Open it.
No Stalker
Ilya
Why would you buy me a mug with the name Jane printed on it?
What if I have a teammate over and they see it? What are they going to think?
Lily
That you are cheating on poor Lily with beautiful woman named Jane.
Take a photo of the mug. It can be your profile picture.
Is this about the Ottawa WAGS chat?
I was hoping you forgot about that.
This profile is going to look so fake
Jane won’t even have any friends.
Lily
I will be Jane’s friend ))
I will tell them Jane is technophobe.
It is true
I am not a technophone. When did you even learn that word anyway?
Lily
It is what your mother calls David. She is right, of course. He is very bad with computers.
I see where you get it from.
Fuck off. I am fine with technology, I just don’t like social media.
Are you making the profile, or am I?
Lily
Do you think u can handle making yourself? I know u did not make any of your other social media accounts. Might be tricky for you.
Fuck off, I’m making it myself.
This feels illegal.
Do I lie about my birthday?
I’m lying about my birthday.
It’s December 22nd, 1992. I expect a present.
Lily
You chose the day we met?
i love you very much
Hollander, did you pick 1992 because Montreal won cup that season?
I take back my love. You have ruined our anniversary with your shitty team.
Of course I did. You know that was the last time Montreal won the cup before I joined the team?
Lily
Obviously, I know this.
They are nothing without you.
I wouldn’t say that. The rest of the team are just as responsible for our success.
Lily
Hollander, you are not in front of press right now. Stop with bullshit answers.
Okay, maybe not just as responsible, but it’s their win too.
Is this an okay cover photo?
Do you think anyone will recognize my cottage from the documentary?
Lily
Not possible.
Anyone who sees the video would be distracted by watching you do all your sexy stretching on the dock.
Anyone who likes to fuck men anyway. The lesbians and straight men probably all fell asleep from boredom.
Fuck, okay, I made the profile.
This was a terrible idea. Why did I let you talk me into this?
Lily
I talked you into nothing!
You chose this.
Send me profile. I want to be friends with Jane.
She is cooler than you anyway.
https://www.facebook.com/Jane.Davidson.81
See if I accept your friend request.

OttaWAGS 🏒✨

October 20 7:11 PM
Jane Davidson has been added to the chat.
Cassie Boodram
New member alert!
Everybody say hi to Jane!
Caitlin Dykstra
Welcome Jane! 😁
Selena Chouinard
Hello!
Leah Boyle
Hi Jane?
I say this with love…but who the fuck is Jane?
Cassie Boodram
Jane is Rozanov’s girl. He told Zane that they’ve been together forever.

Rose L.

October 20 9:01 PM
How do you talk to women?
Are you un-coming out to me?
What? No!
Okay so, you know how you saw my texts with "Lily" that one time, and I told you it's actually a fake name I use for a guy?
Of course I remember. I was really fucking concerned you were trying to convince yourself that you like women again. "
How is "Lily? 👀 "
Well Lily has me saved as a fake name too. I'm saved as Jane, and now his friends saw our messages have added me to a groupchat with their wives as Lily's "girlfriend'.
I have no idea what to do because they all think I'm a woman and I do not know how to pretend to be a woman!
Shane… that is so fucking funny, I’m so sorry.
Are you asking me because I’m a woman or because I’m an actress?
Because I am an actress, I am going to use my amazing acting skills to pretend I don't know what a WAG chat is, and don't realize that this almost defintely means Lily is also a hockey player???
um...no comment?
and both?
One of these days you are going to tell me everything about 'Lily'
Eventually, sure.
Okay so, most of acting is just telling the truth, just very specifically.
Sorry, that probably doesn’t make any sense.
Just be normal. Nobody’s going to assume you’re secretly a rival hockey player.
Just don't mention your penis or successful NHL career, and you’ll be fine.
You’re right, I’m being anxious over nothing. I’ll just say hi, and then fade into the background and avoid saying anything.
I almost never message the team group chat. I don’t see why this would be any different.
You got this! 💪
Also, If in doubt, use emojis.
💁‍♀️💁‍♀️💁‍♀️

OttaWAGS 🏒✨

October 20 9:23 PM
Hi 😊
Leah Boyle
What do you mean they’ve been together forever? Isn’t Rozanov famously like a total man whore?
Wait, shit. That was probably super rude.
Sorry Jane..
Leah Boyle
Cassie Boodram
It’s fine.
We weren’t exclusive for a long time. We both slept with other people.
Leah Boyle
Good for u. Boyle and I were “friends with benefits” for like a year before we became official.
Cassie Boodram
I still can’t believe you call your husband by his last name. .
You literally took his name. It’s your name now!
Leah Boyle
His name is Fred.
I am not moaning that.
Cassie Boodram
You’d rather moan BOYLE??
Selena Chouinard
I am sorry, Leah, but she is right. This is very strange.
Leah Boyle
Jane, back me up. Is it weird to call your partner by their last name?
Um
It depends?
Caitlin Dykstra
I tried calling Evan “Dykstra” in bed once, and he immediately shut it down. He said that’s what the guys call him, and he did not want to think about having sex when he heard it.
Leah Boyle
I mean, you’d hope his teammates wouldn’t be moaning his name. It’s a bit different.
Selena Chouinard
Hot.
Who knows what the boys get up to in that locker room? 😏
Caitlin Dykstra
No sexualizing your husband's teammates!
Caitlin Dykstra
Selena Chouinard
It is joke!
There is only one Hockey player on my hall pass list, and he is sadly not a Centaur. If he was, we might actually win games.
Hall pass?
Selena Chouinard
People that Nick and I are allowed to cheat on each other with. It is all celebrities, and one fictional character.
Caitlin Dykstra
Don’t start 🤦‍♀️
Leah Boyle
Do start*
Selena Chouinard
My list: David Damiano, Rose Landry, Rhea Ripley, Shane Hollander. Scorpia from She-Ra
um
Thank you for trusting us with your sexuality.
But, Shane Hollander? The Hockey player? Your husband doesn’t have a problem with that?
Selena Chouinard
Women are hot. Men are hot. It is not a secret.
I was a Hollander girl before I was Nick’s girl. He understands.
He’s literally your rival?
Caitlin Dykstra
I mean, he is a hometown hero…and I did say not to sexualize your husband’s teammates, not their rivals…
Leah Boyle
Nah Jane is right.
#Team Rozanov
Though I wouldn’t exactly throw Hollander out of bed
Selena Chouinard
It is okay Jane. We know you cannot admit Hollander is fine as hell because you are dating his nemesis. .
I don’t know what’s going on.
Leah Boyle
Leah Boyle
Jane*
Cassie Boodram
Can we get back to Selena wanting to fuck a cartoon scorpion??
Selena Chouinard

Lily

October 21 7:14 AM
Lily
How is life as a WAG?
Weird.
I’m mostly going to ignore the chat anyway, so it doesn’t matter.
Lily
Weird how?
Tell me all the WAG secrets!
No way.
Jackie says WAG chats are sacred, and I feel bad enough being there without breaking the girl code.
Lily
You are so boring
What have you been telling your teammates about “Jane”?
Lily
Maybe I can’t tell you. Maybe Centaurs' locker room is sacred like WAG chat.
Apparently, you told them we’ve been together “forever”?
Lily
Eight years is not long time to you?
We’ve only been official for a year.
Lily
Yes, but a year feels like a lie. Like you are something casual, or new.
You, moy lyubimyy, are very very old.
Fuck off. I’m only five weeks older than you.
Lily
We have been fucking longer than most of these women have known their husbands.
We have been fucking longer than the world has had IPads.
We have been fucking longer than the internet has existed.
We have been fucking since before industrial revolution
Lily
We have been fucking since before Big Bang created universe.
We have been fucking since before Scott Hunter joined NHL.
Nevermind, even our romance is not older than that fossil.
Almost none of that is true.
And in our defense, we spent most of that time not having sex.
Eight years is a long time, but a few nights a year is a pretty small percentage of that time.
Lily
Ah, but how much time did you spend thinking about it?
That’s irrelevant.
Lily
I think it is very relevant.
What is the percentage? Can I have pie graph?
I'm going to go talk to my new friends.
Lily
Liar, you are probably going to run or sit in silence.
Or are you going to think about it some more? Add to percentage?
What do you do when you think about me?
Can I watch? 😏
I actually do have to go for a run, so no.
Lily
You can see me and my ass later.
Lily
Hot.

OttaWAGS 🏒✨

October 21 1.12 PM
Leah Boyle
Jane, why is your boyfriend your only facebook friend?
I love my man, but this is sad.
Cassie Boodram
Leave her alone. She probably just made the Facebook account.
Leah Boyle
Jane, are you a bot?
Or in witness protection?
Send emojis if u need help.
Caitlin Dykstra
Please don’t scare Jane away.
We need the numbers since Allison and Georgia are barely active these days.
Allison Perez
Hey, I’m still here!
Who’s Jane?
Leah Boyle
Girl scroll up.
Allison Perez
WELCOME JANE!!! 🥳
Good job locking the down the new Captain! He seems like a great guy!
But yeah, your friend list could use a little love. Request sent 😊
Cassie Boodram
We should introduce ourselves. We’re basically strangers to Jane rn.
I’m Cassie/ Cass/ Cassandra. I’m married to the alternate captain Zane Boodram (aka Bood.)
Leah Boyle
You forgot /Mom
Cassie Boodram
I am literally one of the only people in this chat without children.
Allison Perez
WE ARE YOUR CHILDREN!
Allison Perez
Leah Boyle
My mom’s dead, and you won’t even let me pick you as my new mom?
Wow, okay, so you hate orphans.
Cassie Boodram
I’M YOUNGER THAN YOU
Okay whatever sure. I’ll be your mom.
Allison Perez
I’m Allison (Ali sometimes), and I used to date Tanner Dillion.
I got the WAGS in the divorce 😜
Cassie Boodram
Once a WAG, always a WAG ❤️
Leah Boyle
If we like you, yeah.
Allison Perez
Tanner and I are cool tho, which helps..
Leah Boyle
I’m Leah Boyle, and I’m married to Boyle. I’m currently a stay-at-home mom, since I pushed two human beings out of my vagina a few months ago.
But I am a sign language interpreter (LSQ mostly, but I know ASL as well.)
Cassie Boodram
Fuck I didn’t say what I do for a living, just who I’m married to.
Sorry feminism 😅
Leah Boyle
Feminism doesn’t forgive you.
You have to go punch a misogynist or protest for your rights to make up for it.
Cassie Boodram
Well, the boys are playing Toronto tonight. That’s a lot of punching options…
Leah Boyle
I’d leave my husband for you if you punched Dallas Kent.
Cassie Boodram
What if my husband punches Kent?
Or am I being a bad feminist again?
Leah Boyle
Then obviously I’d fuck your husband.
Cassie Boodram
You know what, that’s fair. I will also fuck my husband tonight if he punches Dallas Kent. I mean, I’ll probably do it anyway, but still.
Also, Jane, if you’re reading any of this, I’m a Dentist.
I’ll get your man new teeth if he loses them fighting Kent tonight.
Allison Perez
I’m a teacher aide ✌️
Sorry for forgetting, feminism! 🙈
Leah Boyle
@Caitlin Dykstra @Selena Chouinard @Georgia McFarlene TELL US ABOUT YOURSELVES! DO IT FOR FEMINISM!
Leah Boyle
Caitlin Dykstra
I am currently seven months pregnant, so mostly I just suffer and watch TV.
Evan Dykstra is my husband and one responsible for my pregnancy and suffering.
I’m taking a year off from my art therapy Master's, but I’m going back to it eventually.
Selena Chouinard
I keep my three children alive and spend my husband's hockey money.
Allison Perez
As you should, Queen. 👑
Leah Boyle
Georgia barely checks this chat, but she’s married to McFarlene, and…fuck was she a lawyer?
She wears a lot of pant suits
Cassie Boodram
She’s an accountant, babe.
Leah Boyle
Allison Perez
😂
Cassie Boodram
Who’s going to the game tonight? Has everyone finished their posters?
Caitlin Dykstra
Oh yeah totally
Do we think a marker drawing of Dallas Kent being shat out of a Centaur is appropriate for ESPN?
Because I have a few hours and a lot of markers.
Cassie Boodram
Hmm
Maybe just have the Centaur eat him?
Caitlin Dykstra
Okay, Mom.
Cassie Boodram
NOT YOU TOO!
THURS 7.22 PM
Caitlin Dykstra
@JaneDavidson !!! YOUR MAN IS A GOD
Cassie Boodram
Babe, we lost the game.
Caitlin Dykstra
Yeah, BY ONE GOAL
Roz was on fire.
Was Jane at the game? It would have been great to meet properly.
Cassie Boodram
Roz told Zane they’re long-distance, so I doubt it.
Selena Chouinard
That is sad.
I would go into heat if I had to watch my man be that competent and could not fuck him immediately.
Leah Boyle
Girl, you’re always in heat.
Selena Chouinard
🔥🔥🔥
Hi?
Cassie Boodram
Jane! Welcome back! Please ignore whatever is wrong with Selena and Leah.
Caitlin Dykstra
Translation:
Caitlin Dykstra
Selena Chouinard
Rude, but true.
Leah Boyle
Please don’t ignore me. I haven’t spoken to anyone but infants in hours. I am going to start biting the walls.
That sounds rough. Twins right? What are their names?
Leah Boyle
River and Rain 🌊
Wow… really?
Leah Boyle
Fuck no. Matching twin names are for white people.
I wish I could screenshot that and show it to my friend with twins.
Leah Boyle
Do it.
I’d say it to their faces.
Did they give their twins matching names?
Yeah…
Leah Boyle
White?
Very.
Leah Boyle
Leah Boyle
Anyway, my boys' actual names are Oscar and Damien, and THEY WON’T GO TO SLEEP
Cassie Boodram
Where's Boyle? Still out with the boys?
Leah Boyle
He fuckin better not be. I ordered his ass straight home, so traffic probably.
He just walked through the door. I’m gonna take a goddamn bath while he takes care of the babies.
Selena Chouinard
You are lucky. Nick is no good with the babies. He says he is not so good at changing diapers, but I know this means he wants me to do it.
Leah Boyle
Kill him.
Natural selection. If he can’t perform his basic duties, then he just ain't gonna make it.
Cassie Boodram
That’s not what that means, babe.
But Leah has a point. Nick needs to step up or wear a condom, and you’re three kids too late for that option.
Selena Chouinard
I am being dramatic. He is not too bad.
I hope Chouinard gets it together, Selena. They’re his responsibility, too.
Cassie Boodram
EXACTLY
Leah Boyle
Jane scroll up.
I wanna know why you don’t have a real Facebook.

Lily

8:15 PM
ILYA WHAT DO I SAY?
Fuck, I’ve been quiet for a while
THURS 8:26PM
You are no help.
Lily
You do not have Facebook because Facebook is shit awful app.
STILL NOT HELPFUL
Lily
Do I need to beat up Chouinard?
What did he do?
FUICK I broke the girl code shit
IGNORE
Lily
I wish I were in wife chat. They are much more interesting than their husbands.
After you come out to Pikes, do you think Jackie would add me to WAG chat?
I’m not telling them about you, just that I’m gay.
Not yet anyway.
Fuck I need to reply to the WAGS.

OttaWAGS 🏒✨

October 21 8.41 PM
I don’t use social media much.
I just made a Facebook account, so I could join the groupchat.
Leah Boyle
Oh good you’re not dead. I thought I scared you off.
Nobody likes Facebook. We’re just Millenials so we have it anyway.
Selena Chouinard
Am I a millennial or gen Z? I can never remember. I was born in 1995
Leah Boyle
Fuck, you’re a baby. You have so many kids I always forget you are one.
Leah Boyle
You were born in the 90s, so I think that makes you a millennial.
Selena Chouinard
How? You are a millennial and you are so old.
Leah Boyle
I’m fucking 28, leave me alone.
Jane, how old are you? Please tell me you’re like 30, so Selena has someone new to harass.
Mid twenties.
Leah Boyle
That’s vague as shit.
I’ll be 27 in December.
Leah Boyle
gimme a sec to google how old your man is..
Ooo a younger woman.
We’re basically the same age.
Cassie Boodram
Leave her alone, Leah.
Could you tell us a little about yourself, Jane? What do you do?(only if you want to, no pressure)
Leah Boyle
Minimal pressure.
Like peer pressure, but from high schoolers who can’t really afford to share their beer anyway.
Cassie reacted👎
I know it’s going to seem really weird, but can I not?
It’s complicated, and I can’t explain it, but I’d rather remain anonymous, if that’s okay.
Leah Boyle
Are you a celebrity? Or a spy? 👀
Cassie Boodram
Leah…
Leah Boyle
Fuck right, I am seeing the boundary, and I am respecting the boundary.
Cassie reacted❤️
Selena Chouinard
Leah, I thought you were going to take a bath?
Leah Boyle
Oh, I’m already in here. Turns out baths are really fucking boring.
Thanks ❤️

Lily

October 22 7:15AM
Lily
Today is the day, yes?
Yes, but I think I should wait until after practice to tell my team. Just in case.
I emailed management yesterday, but I need to tell the guys in person.
Lily
What did management say?
Coach text me asking to meet before practice, but he didn’t mention the email, and no one has actually replied to my email.
They have said nothing? Hm
What do you think your coach will say in meeting?
I don’t know.
I can’t tell if it’s nerves or logic talking, but I wonder if whatever he has to say, he doesn’t want there to be written evidence.
I think maybe you are right.
Can you bring someone with you? Farah? Hayden or JJ, maybe?
You have already told them, yes?
Yes, they know, but I’m the captain. I don’t want anyone to think I’m a coward who can’t face my own coach.
Okay.
Желаю тебе удачи.
Goodluck?
Yes ❤️
8:21AM
That was bad.
Fuck.
You know what, fuck him, I’m doing it anyway
What did he say?
Shane, what happened?
He fucking brought up the fact that my contract expires soon, and talked about “my image.”
He’s full of shit.
I’m the fucking captain.
I know my worth. This team would be doomed without me, gay or not.
I’m going to call his bluff. I’m not staying in the closet because he’s an ignorant bigot who thinks he can control me.
I will kill him.
You are right, sweetheart. You are a fucking legend, they are NOTHING without you, and they know this.
Did he tell you not to tell team?
He cannot tell you this.
Don’t do anything, okay?
Practice is starting soon, I’ll tell the team afterwards.
Our practice is also starting, but my phone is on.
Call whenever, okay? I do not care what time it is.
Put your phone on silent, you’re the captain.
You can’t suddenly go running when your rival calls.
I will tell them my partner Jane is having a stressful day at work. It is true.
I guess.
I really have to go.

Hayden keeps asking me about the meeting, but I just can’t right now.
I’ll call you later, okay?
Good luck with team.I will talk to you later, Дорогой
Video Call: 3hrs 41 minutes.

Jackie Pike

OCT 23 11:01 AM
You’re coming over for dinner tonight.
um okay?
I know your practice ends at 4 so I expect you by five. I don’t care what your nutritionist says, I’ve bought wine, and you’re drinking it. You have a day off tomorrow, you’ll be fine.
Okay, but only one glass.
Up to you, but I have three bottles, and you are welcome to as much as you want.
We’ll see.

OttaWAGS 🏒✨

October 23 05:12 PM
Cassie Boodram
Okay, team, I have been thinking about it, and I think our group needs a new name.
Caitlin Dykstra
Ottawags is such a good pun tho…
What would we change it to?
Cassie Boodram
You know how my friend Sophie is dating a Admiral's defenseman?
Leah Boyle
Yeah, you’re a traitor, we’re aware.
Cassie Boodram
Well, I asked her if they still call themselves WAGS since Scott Hunter's boyfriend is in the chat, and he’s not a wife or girlfriend. Apparently, they changed it to HWAGBs to be more inclusive. So, I was wondering if we should change ours too? I know we’re all women, but surely there’s going to be a queer Centaur at some point.
Caitlin Dykstra
Actually wait you’re so right.
It’s a good message to send. We want the team to know we’d welcome whoever they date, no matter their gender. The name WAGS is super heteronormative anyway.
Allison Perez
🌈🌈🌈
I know I’m not really a WAG anymore, but YES
I know it would have meant a lot to me when I was still dating Tanner as a closeted lesbian to know you guys care about that stuff.
Cassie Boodram
We love you, Allison! ❤️🌈❤️
Leah Boyle
We should 100% change the name, but HWAGB is an ugly ass name, and we can do better.
Selena Chouinard
I agree, the name WAG is very heterosxual.
But new name is very ugly. Can we move letters around?
But new name is very ugly. WHAGB?
Leah Boyle
Still ugly.
WAIT I have an idea.😈
Cassie Boodram
oh no…
Leah Boyle
WAPs.
Wives and partners 😇
Allison Perez
😂😂😂
Selena Chouinard
I love it.
I love WAP.
Leah Boyle
Cassie Boodram
And I don’t think I can tell people I’m a WAP with a straight face, so I’m gonna have to vote no.
Caitlin Dykstra
Yeah sorry guys, but I’m with Cass on this one.
Caitlin Dykstra
Cassie Boodram
Regardless of what name we choose, we still need approval from Jane and Georgia before we change anything.
Leah Boyle
so no wap?
Leah Boyle
Caitlin Dykstra
I have Georgia’s number. I’ll text her and ask her what she thinks.
Selena Chouinard
Okay if we cannot have wap, how about HAGS? Husbands and Girlfriends?
Cassie Boodram
Wont lie, I kinda hate that more than WAPS.
Also, most of us are wives, not girlfriends.
Don’t worry about including me in group decisions. But I do think making the group name more inclusive is a great idea.
I really appreciate that you guys care about that.
Caitlin Dykstra
Of course, girl ❤️
You’re one of us now, which means we value your input.
Leah Boyle
We’re not going to make decisions without you dude. I mean, technically, you’re dating the captain, so that makes you the queen of the WAGS chat.
Sorry Cass.
Cassie Boodram
eh it’s true 🤷‍♀️ I’m happy to abdicate the throne tbh 👑
I’m new, and I don’t even live in Ottawa.
Please don’t rely on me. I’m barely a WAG, and I’m not much of a leader either.
Cassie Boodram
I am sure that’s not true.
There’s no pressure, here, okay? This chat is just fun. You don’t have to do or say anything you don’t want to
Caitlin Dykstra
Jane, is everything alright? Evan said Roz left straight after practice today, and he seemed stressed. I just thought I’d check in.
Everything is fine. Don’t worry about it.
Cassie Boodram
Well, we’re here if you ever want to talk, okay?
Thanks ❤️
What about the name SAPs? Spouses and Partners.
Cassie Boodram
JANE YOU’RE A GENIUS
Selena Chouinard
Jane, I could kiss you on your mouth. SAPS is the perfect name!
Leah Boyle
I still think WAPs is funnier, but sure, okay, we can be the SAPS.
Allison Perez
I love it! ❤️❤️❤️
Caitlin Dykstra
All in favor of renaming the group chat SAPS? 🙋‍♀️
Allison Perez
🙋🏻‍♀️🙋🏻‍♀️🙋🏻‍♀️
Cassie Boodram
🙋‍♀️
Selena Chouinard
🙋‍♀️😘
Leah Boyle
🙋🏾‍♀️🙋🏾‍♀️🙋🏾‍♀️
Georgia McFarlene
🙋‍♀️
🙋🏻‍♀️ ❤️
Leah Boyle
Omg Georgia jumpscare
Cassie Boodram
Stop scaring her away!

Lily

October 23 07:28 PM
I lovee youuu
I’m so glad ur my boyfrend fuck what they say i love being gay with u its my fbvaoutie
I love you too, sweetheart.
Have you been drinking?
Jackie gave me wine.
You’re coming tonight right? I want you waiting for me.
In my bed.
😉😉😉
No coming until you sober up sadly. But yes, I am going to your house soon. In a couple hours, I will be waiting with glass of water and as many cuddles as you need.
Okay 😔
Jackie is so cool.
She’s a WAG too!
SAP?
WAP?
WAG
Montreal partners are WAGS.
No, the wags are probably still good. Jackie is amazing.
And so are my SAP friends.
You know two aren’t straight?
Maybe more.
I have never had friends who arent straight before.
That’s not true. My ice skating buddy Joes gay.
But I wasn’t gay then.
Not true.Was very gay but didn’t know.
What about me? I am your bisexual friend.
You cant be my friend we’re in love 😟
ARE YOU FRIENDZONING ME
Don’t worry, moya lyubov. I am still extremely in love with you.
But I am your boyfriend and boyfriend is a type of friend, yes? Even has word friend in it.
aw u r my boyfriend ❤️❤️❤️
im so lucky
ilove youi
I love you too ❤️
This is very funny, but I hope the Pikes are taking care of you.
I like that you are making friends. Is Chouinard’s wife one of the queers? I got vibe from her. Who is other?
Yep, Selena is bi, I think? Idk if you would have met Allison, she’s Tanners ex and she’s lesbian like me
Wait gay
homseixual
dated wrogn gender and realized actually gay like me.
Ah, I have not met her. How many glasses have you had?
Not many.
I am okay. Jackie is making me eat food.
I am eating potato chips 😟
Jackie won’t let me read the back to see the nutritional info.
She’s mean to me.
I like Jackie.
Past few days have been very shitty for you, and it is very important to eat so you do not get too sick from alcohol.
I am leaving now, but you can call me if u need.
Okay.
I am gona talk to my new friends.

SAPS 🏒✨

October 23 08:01 PM
You guys are amanzhg
Women are better than men.
Men fucking suck.
Leah Boyle
What did Rozanov do?
I’ll kick his ass
I don’t care if he’s a foot taller than me and fights people for a living. I can take him.
Noooo Ilya is amazing.
I love him so much.
He’s the best boyfriend ever.
Leah Boyle
Then what men am I fighting?
My friends
but pls dont fight them. Theyre really strong 😟 dont want u hurt
I thought we were friends but they’re shitheads
Fwon’t fuckin look at me.
Cassie Boodram
Jane, are you drunk?
Is someone with you?
I have my friends.
Leah Boyle
The shitheads???
That is not reassuring!!
nOo my best friend and his wife.
His wife is so great. Women are the best.
Leah Boyle
Damn right we are.
She gave me wine and asked how I’m feeling.
My best fjeind is great but hes bad at feelings
Caitlin Dykstra
Are you somewhere safe? Home?
Friends home. The kids are at their grandparents house tho ☹️
Sad
I wanna hug a baby
I want a baby
I should call Ilya he neds to know i wanna baby.
Leah Boyle
You can have one of mine. I have a spare.
Noo we can’t have bby yet.
Can’t have secret baby.
Cassie Boodram
You can talk to Ilya about babies later, okay? Do you have any water?
I fucking hate secrets
Iwanna live with Ilya and raise babies.
I give up so much
And these motherfuckers dont care
They wnat me to give up more
fuck theM!!!!!!!
Leah Boyle
fuck them! You deserve so much better dude.
I thin im drunk
Fuck what if ive forggotten russian
Привет
remembered!
Caitlin Dykstra
Hey, Jane, can you hand the phone to your friend?
k
Caitlin Dykstra
Hey, is this Jane’s friend? We just wanted to check how she is doing, and see if maybe someone could hold onto her phone for her to be safe. We’re happy to talk, we just don’t want her saying anything she’ll regret later.
Hi, this is the friend. We’ve switched to water, and Jane seems okay, just pretty drunk. We offered to let her stay the night, but she’s insisting on calling an Uber. She said she won’t be alone, but won’t tell my husband or me who will stay with her.
Jane has a boyfriend, right? That’s who’s waiting at home?
Cassie Boodram
Yes, she does. I can call her boyfriend and see if he’ll be there. Otherwise, I agree that staying there would be a good idea.
Leah Boyle
Jane didn’t tell her best friends she’s seeing someone?
Jane is a very private person.
That would be great, thank you, Cassie.
Cassie Boodram
Her bf said he’s a few minutes out. But he wanted to know if he picks up Jane, would you promise not to let your husband see who’s there?
I’ll tell him it’s an Uber and keep my husband inside. Don’t worry, I can keep a secret.
Thank you.
.

SAPS 🏒✨

October 26 7:15 AM
Cassie Boodram
What food & drinks are everyone bringing to Halloween?
Zane and I will handle the main courses, but we will have to coordinate sides, drinks, and desserts.
I’ve made a spreadsheet. Can everyone write what they’re bringing by their names so we don’t have any double-ups?
Leah Boyle
Yes, Mom 🫡
Cassie Boodram
Jane, my husband Zane and I are having a barbecue for Halloween, and all of the team and their families are invited.
No pressure. We know you’re not a local, so I completely understand if you can’t make it.
Sorry, I won’t be in Ottawa.
I know Ilya is looking forward to it, and I hope you all have a great time.
Leah Boyle
Ayyy! The new Cap is joining us! This is going to be a good one.
Bet, I can hand off at least one baby to him all night? He was so good with them when we met last time.
Good luck stopping him.
OCT 25 12:21 PM
Caitlin Dykstra
ARE WE READY TO DESTROY MONTREAL TONIGHT LADIES??
Leah Boyle
FUCK YEAH!!!
wait Montreal? nevermind…
Leah Boyle
Caitlin Dykstra
LEAH NO!
WHERE’S YOUR GODDAMN POSITIVE ATTITUDE?
Leah Boyle
Disapeared somewhere between being my dad leaving and the last 200 times Montreal crushed us.
Leah’s right. You guys are going down.
Caitlin Dykstra
Caitlin Dykstra
JANE YOU TRAITOR
?? I’m not a man haha.
Caitlin Dykstra
I know girl, soz (it was just the first booing gif I had saved.)
Oh right that makes sense ha
Leah Boyle
See Jane gets it. There’s a fine line between hope and delusion.
🤷🏻‍♀️
Montreal is the better team
Even with Rozanov in Ottawa.
Cassie Boodram
Noooo Jane! Where is your faith in your man?
I’m loyal to him, not his team.
I’m also not delusional.
Caitlin Dykstra
Selena Chouinard
No, Jane is right. Our team is very bad at winning hockey games.
You mean the whole purpose of a hockey team?
Cassie Boodram
Hey! Winning isn’t everything
And I’m not just saying that because our team loses a lot.
We have the best team in the league because our team are all great people.
I guess…
Cassie Boodram
No, listen. Imagine you’re a hockey player.
...sure
Cassie Boodram
Would you rather play on a losing team with good people like Ilya, or on a winning team with bigoted motherfuckers like Dallas Kent.
Toronto are not a ‘winning team.’’ They haven’t won the cup in over a decade.
Cassie Boodram
Whatever, they’re the biggest motherfuckers. Montreal then, they’ve won two cups and according to Zane their defense line are always spewing the most homophobic shit.
Aren’t all hockey teams like that?
Leah Boyle
They fucking shouldn’t be.
Cassie Boodram
The point is, which is more important. Winning, or treating people with respect?
Okay…I see your point.
I still think Montreal is going to crush you tomorrow unless you grow a functioning defense line in the next four hours.
Selena Chouinard
Also, we have the sexiest team in the league.
Montreal is only the third sexiest. Hollander’s pretty face does a lot of heavy lifting, but most of the team is meh.
Also, Boiziau is also very good-looking.
Eh, Ottawa’s alright.
Ilya’s okay looking.
Leah Boyle
Oh, look, she has jokes.
Girl, you’re dating a supermodel.
Damn right.
He’s fucking gorgeous.
It’s hard to believe he’s mine sometimes.
Leah Boyle
I’m sure he feels the same way about you. He told us you’re stunning.
Oh, I know I’m good-looking. Still, Ilya’s crazy hot.
Selena Chouinard
Amen.
Leah Boyle
Ugh, I wish we could be there in person. I hate away games.
Caitlin Dykstra
Mood.
You girls still keen for a watch party at mine?
Leah Boyle
I have no one to watch the boys 😢
Cassie Boodram
oh no! what about your in-laws?
Leah Boyle
They’re going to the Montral game without me 😔
Leah Boyle
Caitlin Dykstra
Bring them! It’ll give me some practice for when I have a baby of my own.
Leah Boyle
Are you sure? They are going to cry and shit and just ruin the vibes.
I can live message my hilarious commentary. It’s okay.
Cassie Boodram
Leah, you are bringing the babies tonight. This is an order.
We can handle some crying.
Selena Chouinard
I am used to babies. Sound of them crying is almost relaxing to me now. Like listening to ocean noises.
Caitlin Dykstra
I really don’t mind! Please join us!
Leah Boyle
I fuckin love you guys.
Allison Perez
❤️❤️❤️ See you guys tonight!
Caitlin Dykstra
I assume you can’t make it, Jane (although you are 100% welcome and invited) so, we’ll be sure to cheer extra hard for Ottawa in your honour!
That is completely unnecessary.
But thanks.
October 26 07:13 PM
Caitlin Dykstra
What the fuck is wrong with Montreal?
Why the fuck is nobody passing to Hollander?
THANK YOU PIKE
I mean, I hope Holzy misses, but this is just depressing to see.
Leah Boyle
MOTHERFUCKER
I hate to say it, but that was a good goal.
Caitlin Dykstra
Rozanov looks fucking pissed.
Oh fuck is he about to drop his gloves?
The fuck did Cormeau say? Was he even talking to Roz?
Okay, Captain Hollander to the rescue. I’m surprised Roz is listening to the guy.
oh fuck.
WHAT DID CORMEAU EVEN SAY?
Leah Boyle
GET HIS ASS ROZANOV!!!
Leah Boyle
Cassie Boodram
So, that’s definitely an instigator penalty.
There goes our best player. Fuck.
Leah Boyle
Whatever Comeau said, he fuckin deserved it.
That creep always gave me bad vibes.
Cassie Boodram
God, this is tense.
I can’t remember the last time a game with Montreal was this close.
HELL YEAH THAT’S MY MAN!!!!
Leah Boyle
FUCK YEAH BOOD!!! WE LOVE TO SEE IT
Cassie Boodram
Ugh, Comeaus back. Roz threw the first punch, but I know in my heart Comeau started it.
Selena Chouinard
Hollander is going to score again. I know it. Maybe he will get hat trick tonight.
Caitlin Dykstra
WHO ARE YOU ROOTING FOR??
Selena Chouinard
Centaurs, but also Hollander.
He is a very good hockey player.
Leah Boyle
Also, you think he’s hot.
Selena Chouinard
Also, I think he is hot.
Caitlin Dykstra
There goes our lead. I blame you, Selena.
Selena Chouinard
It is not my fault Hollander is so talented.
Leah Boyle
FUCK OFF HOLLANDER
How is that asshole so good at Hockey? I swear he and Rozanov are Cold War supersoldiers designed to defeat each other.

Wouldn’t that make Hollander American? Don’t do that good Canadian boy dirty like that.

Leah Boyle
FUCK HE IS IS STEALING THE FUCKING PUCK AGAIN
WHERE THE HELL IS ROZANOV??
Leah Boyle
Caitlin Dykstra
He has one more minute in the sin bin. Let's see if we can keep Hollander from scoring another goal until then.
Cassie Boodram
We might not have to. His team seems determined to do it for us..
Caitlin Dykstra
RIGHT?? What the fuck was that check? Since when are they checking their own fucking teammates?
WHERE IS THE REF??
Selena Chouinard
My man deserves better than this.
Cassie Boodram
??? Your man is on bench? He’s not playing rn??
Selena Chouinard
I meant Hollander.
Cassie Boodram
Oh my god
Stop trying to fuck the enemy.
Selena Chouinard
I am not trying to fuck him right now. I am only being supportive.
Also, I do not actually think Hollander would fuck me. I met him once at an awards, and there was zero chemistry. It is a shame.
Leah Boyle
LETS SO ROZANOV!!!
Leah Boyle
Caitlin Dykstra
SUCK IT HOLLANDER
Selena Chouinard
Jane, it is too bad you are far away because this man deserves to have his dick sucked tonight.
Cassie Boodram
Oh my god, Selena, you can’t say that.
Caitlin Dykstra
Caitlin Dykstra
apologies for the non-hockey meme.
just pretend the ref is sending her to the sin bin.
Selena Chouinard
Sounds hot. Can I bring Hollander with me?
Or Nick, I guess
Cassie Boodram
I’m not even gonna comment
Leah Boyle
She’s right tho
Jane, you better skype sex the hell out of that man tonight.
Allison Perez
GO CENTAURS!! 🎉🎉🎉
Leah Boyle
Montreal is still ahead of us, guys.
Cassie Boodram
BY ONE GOAL!!! This is huge.
Caitlin Dykstra
LETS GO MCFARLENE!!!!
@Georgia Mcfarlene if you’re watching this, that goal was a fucking beaut.
Leah Boyle
Sorry about Oscar crying. If it helps, I can interpret the commentators so you can actually know what’s going on over the SCREECHING
Cassie Boodram
You already said that out loud, babe. We still don’t mind a little crying. .
Also, we still don’t know sign language.
Leah Boyle
Yeah, but Jane didn’t hear me 🤷🏾‍♀️
Allison Perez
Speak for yourself. I know my alphabet 💁🏽‍♀️
Leah Boyle
Damn right, queen. If you ever wanna learn more, hit me up.
Actually, no, go to an actual qualified deaf teacher. I can rec some great ones.
Allison Perez
🤟
Leah Boyle
🤟🤟🤟.
See! You do know more than the alphabet!
I miss interpreting. I haven’t signed with anyone but Boyle’s parents in MONTHS
Jane, you should know Allison just fingerspelled “GO TEAM” at me. She is the fucking cutest.

October 26 09:31 PM
Caitlin Dykstra
I had a great time tonight, guys, even if our team did lose. Thanks for coming over.❤️
Cassie Boodram
BY ONE GOAL!
IT WAS SO CLOSE!
Thanks for having us, Cait ❤️
Leah Boyle
It was really nice to get out of the house. I’m glad you dragged us out.
The boys stayed asleep the whole time it took for me to drive home and put them in their cribs 🙏 May this peace continue long enough for me to take a shower.
Caitlin Dykstra
🙏🙏🙏
Selena Chouinard
🙏
My kids had a great night with their tata. My little sister also had a great time eating all my good snacks and making a mess of my living room.
Boys are coming home tonight, yes?
Cassie Boodram
Most of them. Apparently, Rozanov drove himself and is going to make his own way back after the day off.
Selena Chouinard
He is a strange man, but I do not care. I am just happy to have my husband in my bed tonight.
Why would you message about the game if you were all together?

Cassie Boodram
Because you weren’t there.
Leah Boyle
We did not want you miss out on our hilarious commentary.
It is the best part of the game.
You did that? For me?
Cassie Boodram
Of course ❤️ you’re one of us now, babe.
Caitlin Dykstra
Hey, those of us who actually like hockey think the hockey is the best part of watching a hockey game.
Selena Chouinard
I like hockey.
Okay, mostly I like centaurs, and few other players. Hockey is fine.
You don’t like hockey???
Why not?
Selena Chouinard
Eh, is nothing wrong with it. It can be interesting sometimes.
I am just not obsessed like Caitlin.
Caitlin Dykstra
Damn right I’m obsessed with Hockey.
Jane, how’s your man doing? It looked like Comeau got him pretty good.
No injuries, thankfully, just some minor bruising.
Hello ladies.
I am terribly wounded, and you are distracting my sexy nurse. Goobye.
Selena Chouinard
Hello Captaine! Take good care of our Jane 😉😉😉
Always🔥
Selena Chouinard
Wait, Jane is in Montreal? No wonder she didn’t reply to us if she was actually at the game.
Can I still be a SAP if I break up with your captain for stealing my phone?
Cassie Boodram
100% once a SAP, always a SAP.
Caitlin Dykstra
Just maybe don’t break his heart before a game. Wait for Christmas, maybe, or All-Stars. Give him time to recover.

JANE WOULD NEVER
She is very obsessed with me.
Cassie Boodram
GIVE JANE HER PHONE BACK 😤
No Centaur partner, no SAP chat access🙅‍♀️
Jane would make great centaur. She could outplay most of team.
Okay, I am putting phone away now.
Leah Boyle
What did I miss?
Fuck off, Rozanov 🖕
Wait, does Jane live in Montreal? Is that why Rozanov didn’t bus back with the team?
Selena Chouinard
No, he has much better things to do 😏
Jane, be honest how good is the Captaine at sex?
/> Cassie Boodram
SELENA
Also I think she’s busy, babe.
OCT 23 010:44 PM
I can’t answer that.
Selena Chouinard
Why not? I promise I will not tell my husband if the Captaine is a mediocre fuck.
He defintely isn’t
Ugh, he already looks smug. It’s like he can sense that I’m talking about him.
Ilya is fucking amazing at sex. Not that I really know how to judge that sort of thing objectively. I haven’t been with a lot of men, and I was already in love with Ilya when I had sex with other guys, so they was never going to measure up.
Leah Boyle
Wait, hold the fuck up.You lost your virginity to Rozanov?
I know you said you’ve been together forever, but DAMN
…he’s the first guy I slept with, yeah. I was 19.
Cassie Boodram
Aww that’s kinda sweet. You guys are basically high school sweethearts ❤️
Ilya is complaining again. I should go before he steals my phone and sees me complimenting him 🙄he would be insufferable.
Leah Boyle
Night!
Caitlin Dykstra
Goodnight! Please return our Captain to us before the next game. Please, we need him.
Selena Chouinard
Have a good night, you two 😉

Farah

October 30 11:21AM
Farah
Hi Shane,
Are you available for a phone call this afternoon?
Hi Farah.
Yes, I’m available this afternoon. Would 2 pm work for you?
Perfect. Talk to you then.

Lily

October 30 11.37
Ilya
Fuck
Call me
Lily
What is wrong?
Missed call from Lily

Shane pick up
fuck I can’t.
I don’t think I can talk aloud right now.
That is alright, sweetheart. Is typing okay?
Montreal is trading me.
I’m a fucking idiot.
Theriault implied he would if I came out to the team, and I thought he was bluffing me.
Fuck I’m such an idiot.
Theriault is the fucking idiot.
This is not possibly. You have no trade clause, yes?
Yeah, but Montreal has asked if I’d be willing to waive it given “recent circumstances.”
They made it pretty clear they didn’t plan on renewing my contract when it expires at the end of the season.
They said a trade is in both of our best interests.
What the fuck?
This is very stupid
You are the best fucking player on that team, probably in whole league.
Shane, where are you?
Are you safe?
My Mom’s here. Farah called her. Fuck, she always loved Montreal. She must be so disappointed.
Only one she will be disappointed in is Montreal. She would never blame you for this.
I am glad she is there. Fuck I am in fucking Buffalo.
I will get plane.
Like fuck you will. You have a game in an hour.
Fuck the game.
What do Farah and Yuna think?
I’ll see you in a few days, okay? Don’t do anything stupid.
They think I should waive my contract. Mom’s concerned about how Montreal will treat me if I don’t go along with this, and I’m stuck with them for the rest of the season.
This is fucked I’m so sorry Ilya.
Fuck, we were supposed to announce the Irina Foundation in two weeks. What are we going to do?
I might not even be in fucking Canada.
You have nothing to be sorry for. We will figure it out, okay?
Yes I do because you just fucking moved to Ottawa to be close to me and now I’m going to be sent halfway across the fucking continent.
Teams almost never trade within the same division, not with a player like me.
I'm going to be sent to the fucking west and not even see you for games.
Fuck.
This is not your fault.
Maybe there is still hope. You are free man, after the season, yes? You could change teams again, move closer.
Fuck I guess.
I hate the idea of moving backwards.
Besides, where could I go that’s nearby? I can’t expect the Montreal players to keep my sexuality a secret. If I’m not safe in Montreal, I’m definitely not safe in Toronto. And where else is there? The states? I can’t stand the idea of being in different countries again.
Fuck finding place close to Ottawa! Come to Ottawa!
I see you typing, I know we are shit and cap space will be issue, but we can make it work.
You think they’d take me?
YES!
Fucking obviously because they do not have shit for brains like Montreal. I know we are not winning team yet, but you and I can fix this.
I guess.
I showed Mom our conversation and she thinks it’s a good idea.
Fuck, okay, we have a plan.
I’m leaving Montreal.
Fuck.
YES!
They never deserved you.
They will never win another Stanley Cup as long as you and I can wear skates.
You’re right.
Fuck Montreal.
FUCK MONTREAL
I know you cannot speak right now, любимый, but can we call? You do not need to talk but maybe would be good to hear my voice?
Okay.
Can we FaceTime? I need to see you.
❤️
Facetime call
3 hours, 41 minutes.

SAPs 🏒✨
November 4 3:12 PM
Caitlin Dykstra
Allison Perez
🎃🎃🎃
Cassie Boodram
Cassie Boodram
I AM HYPED
Leah Boyle
I’m going to ignore the fact you guys are using Halloween gifs in fucking November in the spirit of friendship.
Cassie Boodram
Blame the league for sending out boys a tour of North America for Halloween. This is the best we could do!
Caitlin Dykstra
It’s spooky season until we say spooky season is over, dammit!
Leah Boyle
Selena Chouinard
Cassie, this is a family party, yes?
Selena Chouinard
Yep! Bring the kiddos! We have plenty of candy and games planned.
Selena Chouinard
Hmm
How much skin is too much for a family party?
I guess no nipple, but how much breast is too much breast?
Leah Boyle
No such thing.
I know I’m def gonna take my tits out at some point. I have two babies to feed.
If any of the men give me shit for keeping my boys alive using the magic power of my tits, I’ll kick their asses.
Selena Chouinard
You make good point. I will also have my tits out then. In support.
Cassie Boodram
Damn right. 👑
Hmm, I see no one's volunteered to bring a cheese board…
Leah Boyle
This is manipulation. You aren’t the first mom I’ve had who's done this to me.
But hey, sure, I fucking love a cheese board.
Caitlin Dykstra
Leah be like:
Caitlin Dykstra
Leah Boyle
INCORRECT
I barely even knew my father, so GOTCHA
#Winning
Caitlin Dykstra
Never change, Leah.
Cassie Boodram
I mean...you could stand to change a little.
Leah Boyle
Stop bullying me, or I won’t buy the gross beetroot relish you like.
Cassie Boodram
Leah is my best friend, actually.
Caitlin Dykstra
HEY
Selena Chouinard
I’m okay with that.
Leah Boyle
😝😝😝
Caitlin Dykstra
Fuck I love a cheese board though. I hate being pregnant.
Leah Boyle
Mood. DW, I’ll get some hard cheese for u Caitlin. I know all the best pregnancy safe ones.
Caitlin Dykstra
❤️
November 4 5:01 PM
Caitlin Dykstra
On our way!
Selena Chouinard
I will arrive whenever I arrive.
Leah Boyle
I’m going to be a little late, but dw we’re not dead just baby bullshit.
Allison Perez
Have fun guys!
Cassie Boodram
I can’t believe you aren’t joining us 😔
Allison Perez
Tanner is bringing a date. I don’t want to make it weird for her.
Cassie Boodram
You’re literally a lesbian. You aren’t a threat to her.
Allison Perez
It’s okay, I’ll catch you guys at the next one.
Cassie Boodram
You better!
I hope you guys have fun.
Caitlin Dykstra
You too, Jane! You up to much tonight?
Not really.
My mom is visiting, so just a quiet night in.
Caitlin Dykstra
I hope you guys have a good night ❤️
07.33
Cassie Boodram
@JaneDavidson Your cowboy has arrived.
Cassie Boodram
Leah Boyle
And he’s only two hours late.
Thanks ❤️
If anyone sees a cigarette in his hand tonight, can you throw it in the trash?
He swore he’d quit for good this time.
Leah Boyle
On it 🫡
I love pissing off successful men.
08.17
Caitlin Dykstra
CAUGHT🚨
Caitlin Dykstra
Caitlin Dykstra
I stole it 🫡
The way his outrage just disappeared when I mentioned you. That man is so in love.
❤️
Good work, thank you.
Where did his shirt go?
Or his hat?
Leah Boyle
Long story. Apparently, he “freed the nip” in solidarity with me, but I think his shirt was just itchy. I think one of the kids stole the hat. Who fuckin knows.
That checks out.

SAPs 🏒✨
November 5 10:41 AM
Leah Boyle
Jane, make sure your man practices the fingerspelling I taught him last night. I did not spend an hour practicing with him last night for him to forget it all immediately.
I sent him resources that should help.
You taught Ilya sign language?
Leah Boyle
Let's not get ahead of ourselves. He barely knows the alphabet.
But yeah, TECHNICALLY you can talk about anything with just the alphabet, it’ll just take you forever.
Was this your idea or his?
Leah Boyle
I mean. I was telling everyone that they should all at least learn how to fingerspell because it’s SO USEFUL!
Rozanov asked me about it for a bit and insisted I teach him then and there. If he wants to learn LSQ or ASL properly, he has to find a deaf teacher, but I appreciate the enthusiasm.
God, I love him.
Has Boyle learned any sign for you?
He didn’t have to. Boyle’s a CODA (child of a deaf adult), we first met at a fundraiser when I was studying.
Why 👀
Because Ilya and I were just texting about how I struggle to speak aloud sometimes when I’m overwhelmed, and he immediately asked you to teach him sign language.
I don’t even know sign language.
That man is ridiculous.
Leah Boyle
Marry that man.
Leah Boyle
Allison Perez
!!! omg that’s so cute. 🥰
You should totally learn, Jane! Even just knowing a little is super helpful.
I don’t know if I have time to start learning another language if I’m honest.
Leah Boyle
How many languages do you know?
I know 3, and I don’t know if my ego can take being dethroned as the chat linguist.
Don’t worry, I’m only fluent in two. I can mostly get by verbally in my Mom’s first language, but we haven’t used it much since my grandparents died when I was a teenager, so I’m very rusty.
Leah Boyle
I say if you can get by in your moms language then you can say you know 3.
If you decide to come for my title and learn LSQ (or ASL) I’d be happy to help you practice.
I’ve already started learning a fourth, so with sign language that would be five….would that make me the winner?
Leah Boyle
Don’t test me. I’ll download duolingo right now, bitch.
I’ll learn goddamn Korean if I have to.
Good luck stopping me from catching up. I already have a 200 day streak.
Leah Boyle
Fuck I guess I’m learning Korean
@Jane Davidson Add me on duolingo hoe. Imma crush u
Leah Boyle
Duolingo friend request link
Selena Chouinard
I also think you should marry the Captaine.
You have been together how many years?? Is overdue.
@Leah Boyle Ummm okay. One sec.
On and off since I was 19, but we’ve only been official for like a year.
We’re not ready for marriage. We don’t even live together.
Selena Chouinard
And? Nick proposed after eight months. We were only 18.
Leah Boyle
Selena you need to stop telling people that like it isn’t literally insane.
Also you got married because you were pregnant.
That’s a pretty key detail.
Selena Chouinard
I would have married him anyway.
Leah Boyle
Can we back up to how long Jane and Rozanov have been together?
Girl I’m bad at math you’re going to have to break down this timeline for me.
Our timeline is…complicated.
Leah Boyle
Start at the beginning 👀 How’d you meet?
Lily

November 5 11.31 AM
Quick, how did you meet Jane?
You forget so soon? World Juniors, 2009, Saskachuwan very pretty, VERY annoying Canadian threw themself at me, and gave me shit for smoking in wrong place.
😑
So you haven’t told any of your teammates how we met?
Not yet. They ask, but I am good at avoiding questions.
I am very good at this.
Well, we need to tell them some kind of story, and it can’t involve being rival junior hockey players.
What if I say we met at a hotel gym? It wasn’t the first time, but it was the first time I realized, you know.
Ah you mean day I turned you gay, and you fled to your hotel room to fuck your fist and think of me.
Was a good night. Yes, I like this answer.
Fuck off
As if you didn’t do the same thing.
Like I said. Was very good night 😏

SAPs 🏒✨
November 5 11:03 AM
We met at a hotel gym almost a decade ago.
Leah Boyle
I thought u first hooked up when u were 19? Either I’m bad at math, or I’m taking ‘decade’ too literally.
Right, yes I did say I was nineteen, which was seven years ago, because I am 26.
We didn’t hook up until we had known each other for a few years. We met a decade ago.
Cassie Boodram
Wait that’s such a long time.
I’ve only known Zane for five years. You and Roz might have the record for the longest relationship in the Centaurs.
Leah Boyle
I’ve known Boyle for seven years, but we’ve only been official for six.
We’ve only known each other for a while. We’ve barely been together for a year.
Caitlin Dykstra
Hold up. You met ten years ago, and started sleeping together seven years ago, but you’ve only been dating for one year?
I need to do the goddamn math wait a second
Caitlin Dykstra
Caitlin Dykstra
YOU WERE CASUAL FOR SIX YEARS????
…
Actually, it was closer to seven.
Caitlin Dykstra
Caitlin Dykstra
*girl
Selena Chouinard
I have many questions
Leah Boyle
GIRL WHAT
Cassie Boodram
wow…that’s a long time.
How do you develop feelings after seven years?
Caitlin Dykstra
Or did you always have feelings for him?
Leah Boyle
I actually have a meeting to get to…so bye!
Leah Boyle
JANE GET BACK HERE!
12:21 AM
Damn I guess she really did have a meeting. Rip.

Jackie Pike

November 6th. 2.51 PM
Hi Jackie
Are you and Hayden free for dinner tonight with me and JJ at mine tonight? You can bring the kids.
I tried asking Hayden at practice, but he said to ask you.
Sure! Are you cooking?
Right food. I can cook?
Salmon and kale salad okay?
Or I could order food.
Whatever you prefer.
What's up? You never host.
Are you going to tell the boys about your boyfriend? 👀
I was wondering when you were going to bring that up.
No, this is something else.
Of course, I was going to bring it up. It’s exciting!I love that you’re a WAG now.
We changed the name to SAPs (spouses and partners) so I’m not even lying about that.
You don’t think it’s shitty that I’m like invading women's safe spaces?
Wait, that name is way better. I wonder if the Montreal girls would be open to changing our name 🤔 honestly, if any of the girls aren’t keen, I might just make a new ‘SAPS’ chat without them.
And no, Shane, you’re not “invading women's safe space” or whatever. The group is for the partners of players, and apparently, that’s what you are.
So…Boston Lily?
Do I even have to guess which Centaur I think you’re dating? You don’t have to tell me. We can drop this conversation right now.
No, it’s okay.
Yes, I’m dating Ilya Rozanov.
this message has been deleted
Thank you for trusting me with this. I’m happy for you guys.
I have a lot of questions, but maybe you tell me about him in person sometime? Are you planning on telling Hayden?
I mean, eventually…just not right now.
Can I just ask, how long have you been together? I swear, Hayden has been mentioning Boston Lily for years, and being a WAG is no quick commitment.
It’s complicated.
We’ve only been official for a year and a half, but we’ve been something since 2010.
You’ve been with Ilya Rozanov longer than I’ve been with Hayden???
this message has been deleted
That’s…unexpected.
Yeah, that tends to surprise people.
Sorry, could you delete the message with his name? I know I’m being paranoid, but we try and be really careful.
this message has been deleted

Of course! I totally get it. I’ll delete that now.
How’s life as a SAP?
I actually really like it. Which is ridiculous since I’m basically catfishing those women.
Jesus, Shane. You’re not catfishing them! Not in a creepy way anyway.
I know I wouldn’t be offended if I found out Ilya Rozanov had secretly infiltrated the chat as your girlfriend. Hell, if he wants I’ll “Lily” right now.
Absolutely not.
Yeah, might raise a few questions considering you just came out.
Agreed ❤️
I have to go, but see you tonight? 7?
See you then 😊

Lily

November 10th 12.38 PM
It’s official. I’m being traded to the Los Angeles Queens.
Okay…this could be worse, yes? This was team you approved?
Yeah, I mean it’s so fucking far away, but they’re a good team, on and off the ice, from what I’ve heard. Lundin is openly gay, which is something.
I know they were one of my top picks, but the name does feel like a dig from Montreal somehow.
Who gives a fuck what Montreal thinks.
I think is fitting because I am King of Hockey, and you are my Queen.
Fuck off.
Queens are apparently better rulers anyway.
FUCK YES THEY ARE!
You are not planning to resign yes?
Not if I can get Ottawa to take me.
They will.
So, six months in different time zone. Then we fuck like rabbits this summer to make up for it.
Seven months, we’re making playoffs.
I don’t care if I’m only with this team for a season, we’re bringing home a cup.
Eh we will see.
Western conference is so shit, you will get to playoffs easy.
But you will lose cup to us.
The Centaurs haven’t won a single game yet You’re getting ahead of yourself.
We will.
Can you imagine it? Our teams facing off in the finals? After I win, I would kiss you right there, much better than Scott Hunter.
Then you tell LA to get fucked and join the winning team.
You mean after I win?
It would be pretty great to face you in the finals.
I know you never wanted to leave Montreal, but I am happy you will not be there anymore.
I hate it, but you’re right.
I can’t stand being in that locker room anymore. Hayden and JJ are doing their best to protect me, but I know nobody wants me there.
Most of the team won’t even get changed around me. I tried to give a speech before the last game, and none of them even acknowledged me, but Hayden and J.J.
The Queens will be better.
I guess, but I’m not going to give them a chance not to be. Coming out was a mistake, and I’m not going to risk my career anymore by doing it again.
With Queens or ever? Not every team are bigots like Voyageurs. Look at Scott Hunter’s team; they have accepted him.
Have you spoken to Lugwig? Could be good to know how it has been in locker room since he came out.
I thought about it, but I’ve never even spoken more than three words to the guy. I don’t want to DM him about personal shit like that.
I don’t know. I can’t think about coming out right now, or I’ll just start worrying about what the Voyageurs are telling people about me and I just can’t.
I have to go. Fuck, I need to be in LA by monday. I have so much to do.
You will tell me if I can help, yes?
I will. ❤️

Hayden

4.01 PM
Can’t we send Comeau to America instead?
Or fucking Australia or something.
Hayden.
I’m going to really fucking miss you man.
Fuck I hate the Voyageurs.
. You know they’re talking about making me captain next season? I don’t even fucking want to be the captain.
. This is fucking bullshit.
. You’d be a great captain.
No, I wouldn’t! Can I say no if they offer? Because I’d say no.
. JJ should be the captain. He’s a great leader.
Don’t worry about next season, focus on getting through this one.
You say it like it’s easy.
Most of the guys think I’m a traitor for not being a fucking bigot.
Sorry, I’m making this about myself again. You’re the one been shipped off to Hollywood.
LA is a good team, I’ll be fine
I guess.
Fuck, I’m gonna miss you, man.
I'm going to miss you too/

J.J

4.45 PM
Audio call.
22 minutes, 13 seconds.

b Rose L

November 12th 3.55 PM
My driver will be waiting for you inside. She’s the one with curly hair, wearing a Queens jersey.
Found her. Be there soon.
Thanks again for doing this.
Anytime, babe❤️

family❤️

4.21 PM
Arrived.
Mom
Hi Rose!
It’s so nice of her to let you stay at her place while you’re in LA.
Make sure you thank her for me.
Dad
👍
Lily
Yes, it is very nice that your ex-girlfriend asked you to move in with her.
Does she know you are rich and can afford your own property?
She’s just being a good friend
Mom
Once you’ve settled in, give me a call. I want to go over some offers we’ve received from different LA brands.
I landed less than an hour ago. How do we already have brand deals?
Mom
I got my first call two minutes after the announcement. It was sketchers, which would have been a great oppitunity if we weren’t already committed to Reebok.
I’ll call you later, but I don’t know how much time I’ll have with the new team, and all the events Rose is threatening to drag me to.
Mom
Could we have the contact information for Rose’s agent? I’d like to talk to them about the statement we’re going to release about the rumours you moved to LA for Rose.
I’ll send it to you later. Sorry, we’re back at Rose’s place now. I’ll talk to you later.

Rose L

November 13th 3.55 PM
Shane, babe.
Did I just overhear what I think I overheard?
um….what?
I went to your room to ask what you wanted for dinner, unsuspecting and innocent as any woman clueless to the possibility her gay ex-boyfriend is phone fucking his mysterious bf
oh god
When I heard you make a sound I never once heard in the one and a half times we had sex.
I, of course, being a respectful roommate, turn to run the fuck away when I hear you moan the name of YOUR ARCH RIVAL
Frozen in shock, I then hear a Russian accent call you something that sounded suspiciously like ‘good boy’
you know what how about we stop telling this story
I think I get the idea.
SHANE
Though genuinely, I am sorry for disrespecting your privacy. Please don’t move out.
I know. It’s not your fault, I shouldn’t have done that in your house 🤦
Don’t apologize! I might move you to the second story so you can have some more privacy, but it’s your place now too.
So….it really is who I think it is?
Yeah…
I’m coming to your room, because I need to know EVERYTHING
(I’m warning you so I don’t have to hear you having phone sex with your hot secret Russian boyfriend again)
oh my god
Fine, but you have to bring me a ginger ale.
Deal.

SAPs 🏒✨
November 14 7:01 PM
Leah Boyle
Guess who’s going back to work 😎
Part-time, but still.
Cassie Boodram
🎉🎉🎉
Caitlin Dykstra
YAY! 🎉
That’s great, Leah. I know you’ve been super stir-crazy being stuck at home.
Let me know if you ever need a babysitter, okay? I’m stuck at home, bored until I give birth, so I’m totally available.
Selena Chouinard
Good for you, Leah. I would also be happy to babysit. What is two more babies?
Leah Boyle
I’ve set my availability around my mother-in laws schedule, but we’ll see.
And Selena, no! I’m not leaving you to take care of THREE babies, a toddler, and a child that’s literally insane.
Selena Chouinard
It would be fine! Oldest two are out at kindergarten and school all day anyway.
That’s great, Leah.
Caitlin Dykstra
@Jane, what is wrong with your boyfriend? Evan says he’s been on a warpath.
Leah Boyle
Fucking right??? I’ve barely seen my husband all week because your man is having them run drills 24/7.
Sorry. I guess he’s really serious about going to the playoffs this year
Leah Boyle
Is this about beating Hollander?
Fucking hell, I know they’re rivals, but that’s obsessive. Does he have a man-crush on the guy or something?
A what?
He just wants the team to do well.
Selena Chouinard
What is man crush? Men crush on men all the time; is it not just a crush?
Leah Boyle
It’s when a straight man has a crush on another man.
Selena Chouinard
That is very stupid.
If a man has crush on another man he is not straight.
Cassie Boodram
Guys stop. That’s Jane’s boyfriend. You’re being weird. Obviously, he doesn’t have a crush on Hollander.
Leah Boyle
Shit, sorry Jane. It was just a joke.
You’re fine.
It’s funny.
Selena Chouinard
No disrespect to Jane, but Hollander and Rozanov would be very hot together.
Cassie Boodram
SELENA SERIOUSLY?
Selena Chouinard
What? Jane, be honest. If Captaine suggested a threesome with Hollander, would you do it?
dsdertfyghjk
Sorry, my friend saw that message, and tried to steal my phone.
I have a strict no threesomes policy.
Leah Boyle
What was your friend trying to say?
Hi SAPS chat! This is Jane’s BFF
I am perfectly innocent, and I don’t know why Jane wouldn’t trust me with her phone.
(I think she let me take it. She is way more athletic than me, and totally could have stopped me if she really wanted to 😊)
Caitlin Dykstra
Hi Jane’s BFF!
What’s your name? Are you the friend we talked to when Jane was drunk?
I don’t think so? I don’t think I’ve ever seen Jane truly drunk sadly, but I will be getting that story out of her.
My name’s Raven 😉
Leah Boyle
Where’s Jane now?
I unlocked the door, so Jane is in the bathtub with me now.
Selena Chouinard
Hot.
We have our clothes on. No need to get your captain jealous 😉
Speaking of Rozanov…What’s he like? I only know him from interviews, and what Jane’s told me.
Caitlin Dykstra
What has Jane told you?
Just that he’s a sweetheart.
And…measurements 😉
Leah Boyle
MEASUREMENTS??
Okay, Jane is trying to take the phone back again. Obviously, I’m talking about his height. 😇
Selena Chouinard
No, no, go back to measurements.
My husband refuses to take a look in showers and report back to me.
If it is more than seven inches, react to this message with emoji.
Jane reacted 🍆
Selena Chouinard
I KNEW IT
Cassie Boodram
Rozanov is great. The team weren’t sure what they’d think of him when he signed with the team. They had only known him as an opponent before, and Rozanov is a complete asshole to play again.
Caitlin Dykstra
He is, but in a way that’s actually funny and not just gross like most hockey players.
I’ve never known him to use a slur, but he will look up opponents ‘moms’ names just to better brag about fucking them.
Leah Boyle
He gets really fucking specific, too. Boyle heard him tell a player last week that he and his mom were opening a shared bank account together.
Cassie Boodram
Oh yeah, he is great with ultra-specific insults. Do you remember that time he told the guy from Buffalo who he said had flat eyebrows?
Selena Chouinard
He is right, Hoffman does have very flat eyebrows. They are like pencils.
I love it 😂
What’s he like off the ice?
Cassie Boodram
Tough in practice, but like he tells the guys, he loves them all the time. Even when they lose, which they do a lot.
He’s also great with kids.
Awww.
I’m reading these aloud, and Jane is beaming like a love-sick fool. This is so cute.
Leah Boyle
Now tell us something about Jane! We know like nothing about her.
Cassie Boodram
Only with Jane’s permission.
She hates clubbing, which is sad because I love it.
Also, we used to date 🤫
(Don’t worry, Jane told me I could tell you guys that)
Leah Boyle
Leah Boyle
*sapphics
Selena Chouinard
How did I not know this? I usually have perfect gaydar.
I would never have guessed Jane liked women.
Good for you Jane! Welcome to the club 🏳️‍🌈
Caitlin Dykstra
Proud of you, Jane ❤️
Cassie Boodram
I’m glad you felt comfortable sharing this with us, Jane. ❤️
Thanks ❤️- Jane
Leah Boyle
Wait, when was this? Before Rozanov? I thought he was her first?
Selena Chouinard
She said he was first MAN she was with 👀👀👀 Raven is not a man.
Oh true…
It wasn’t before, more…inbetween.
😮+ 5
Selena Chouinard
👀👀👀
Leah Boyle
????
This was before Jane and Ilya were official, before anyone asks.
😮+ 5
Leah Boyle
Good, because that was my first question.
When was it then?
Things got real between Ilya and me, so I panicked and ended things. Then I met “Raven,” and tried to move on from Ilya.
It didn’t work, and Raven and I decided to be friends, and I decided to be honest with Ilya about how I felt.
Ilya and I have been happy and exclusive ever since.
Leah Boyle
Raven, you are a better person than I am.
Does Ilya know you’re in a bathtub with your ex-girlfriend right now?
Not specifically, but he knows I’m staying at her house
And in our defense it’s a pretty big bath tub.
And we are wearing clothes.
Cassie Boodram
Jane, babe, what the fuck.
Caitlin Dykstra
Is this why Roz has been on a warpath? Because you’ve moved in with the woman you left him for?
I haven’t moved in permanently. I’m just…staying here for an unknown period of time.
With most of my belongings.
And I did not leave Ilya for her. I left Ilya, and then I met her a few days later.
Do you really think it’s bothering him? I know he’s not happy, but he has no reason to be jealous.
Leah Boyle
That’s moving in!
You moved in with your ex while in a relationship with someone else!
Cassie Boodram
Oh my god.
Selena Chouinard
Maybe Rozanov is not the jealous type.
Maybe he thinks it’s hot.
Leah Boyle
Ew, I hope not. Straight men like that are just creepy.
Definitely not that one.
He says he’s not the jealous type, but he definitely is.
He understands that we are just friends. He doesn’t love it, but he’s still friends with women he slept with for years, so he can’t talk.
Leah Boyle
Leah Boyle
What fucking domestic dispute have we stumbled onto?
It’s not a dispute. I know he loves me, just like he knows I love him. We’re fine.
I had to leave the place I was before because of my falling out with those friends I told you about, so Raven is letting me stay with her while I get back on my feet.
Caitlin Dykstra
That’s very kind of Raven. I’m glad you have her in your corner.
Leah Boyle
Roz didn’t offer his place? Or to buy you your own instead of being roomies with your ex?
Ilya’s too far away, unfortunately, and money isn’t the problem. It’s just been very chaotic lately, and it’s been helpful not to have to deal with finding my own place right now.
Allison
I do not see the problem. This is normal sapphic behaviour. My friend platonically moved in with a girl she met on bumble 🤷🏽‍♀️
Thank you for trusting us, Jane 🌈 Raven, you sound like the best ❤️Thank you for taking care of our Jane.
Anytime -R
Leah Boyle
Actually fuck yeah, that is a good friend tbh. Rozanov can get over it.
In saying that, if Boyle tried that shit I’d neuter him.
Selena Chouinard
I like Raven. Can she join the SAPS?
Fuck no -J
Okay, Raven and I are going to get out of this bathtub now and order dinner.
Everyone say bye Raven!
Leah Boyle
Bye Raven!
Selena Chouinard
Goodbye Raven! 💋
Cassie Boodram
Bye Raven!
Allison Perez
Bye Raven! 👋😘

Lily

November 15th 10.01 PM
I know it’s only been a few days, but fuck, I miss you.
What about your new roomie, Rose Landry? She is not entertainment enough?
Jesus Christ, Ilya. Are you seriously still jealous?
Would you be happy if I move in with Sveta?
That’s different.
I’m literally gay!
And I don’t mind Svetlana…
You made her sleep at hotel at New Years.
My house has many guest rooms
I didn’t make her. I just said I wouldnt let you fuck me if she was in the house. You had a choice.
That is not a choice
Okay maybe I am little bit jealous.
I am sorry. I know it is not logic…does not have logic?
It’s not logical. Or it is illogical.
Yes. I know it is not logical. I know you will not leave me for Rose again.
I did not leave you for her.
Stop interrupting I am being vulnerable.
also yes you did.
I am not afraid of that, or jealous of the terrible sex you had with her.
I am not jealous of that because I know I can fuck you better than her any day. I am jealous of the things I cannot do.
I am jealous she got to wear your jersey, and hold your hand in public and post stupid cheesy photos on her instagram, and call you her boyfriend.
I am jealous because even after almost a decade I cannot ask you to move in with me.
But your ex girlfriend can like it is no fucking big deal.
I fucking wish I could move in with you, Ilya
I want all of those things with you too.
One day.
One day ❤️
So…should I tell Rose to return the Queens jersey she bought?
I hate both of you.
No, she can wear the fucking Jersey.
I hate that people think you moved countries for Rose, when it was me who moved for you. But I am not an idiot. I see how this rumour is keeping you safe.
Are you sure?
Because Rose told me she won’t deny the rumours if I don’t want her to. I hate it, but I don’t think anyone is going to believe us even if we do deny it, especially if they find out I'm moving in.
But I don’t want to do that to you. We shouldn’t have to pretend I have a fucking girlfriend because my team are homophobic assholes.
*ex team
Fuck, I hate this. I came out to them because I was sick of pretending to be something I’m not, and now I feel like I’m doing that more than ever.
Don’t deny the rumours. Maybe don’t say it is true, but I think letting the rumours happen is for the best. .
If you are sure.
If you ever change your mind, just tell me, and we’ll release a statement
Okay.
I miss you too.
I am sorry I did not say that already. You are right, the distance makes the time apart feel longer. I think not knowing when I will see you makes it worse
Yeah, it really does.
Christmas, maybe?
That is fucking forever away.
We’ll make it work.
On the bright side, Rose isn’t home right now and I finally unpacked my tripod…
Ah, did I ruin your attempt at booty call by talking about feeling?
I mean… talking is important.
We have talked enough. Take off your clothes.
Facetime call.
2 hours, 48 minutes.

SAPs 🏒✨
November 16 3:41 PM
Caitlin Dykstra
Hollander’s first game as a Queen, let’s go!
Cassie Boodram
That is a really unfortunate team name.
Selena Chouinard
I like it.
I lt reminds me of Freddie Mercury
Selena Chouinard
Selena Chouinard
I am too busy to watch game tonight, but tell me if Holly wins.
He is still our Ottawa king, even if he has left us for Hollywood.
Leah Boyle
You guys keep forgetting Hollander is our enemy now.
Leah Boyle
Cassie Boodram
He was always our rival, if anything he’s less of a rival now that he’s in the west.
Leah Boyle
I mean he’s our enemy because obviously we’re team Rozanov now?
Caitlin Dykstra
You’re one to talk about jumping ships. You were cursing Rozanov and cheering on Hollander last year.
Leah Boyle
Yeah, but Roz has changed my boys diapers for me. I’m loyal to him for life now.
Selena Chouinard
Fair.
I do not see why I can’t like both.
This is biphobia.
Leah Boyle
???
They’re both men?
Selena Chouinard
I am bisexual, I do not have to make decisions.

Leah Boyle
That’s defintely not how that works, but you know what sure. My bad, queen.

Caitlin Dykstra
It is very weird seeing Hollander in black and white. He almost looks like he plays for Boston.
Cassie Boodram
That’s blasphemy, babe.
Caitlin Dykstra
There’s not much chemistry with Holly and his teammates, which makes sense since they literally just met.
But he’s doing pretty well considering.
Cassie Boodram
Are we really calling him Holly now? I thought Zane was joking with that nickname.
Selena Chouinard
Internet are all calling him Hollywood now. Holly is shorter at least.
Cassie Boodram
I still can’t believe he left Montreal. Watching them play without him is so weird.
Leah Boyle
You mean watching them lose?
Cassie Boodram
They’ve only had one game without him so far. One loss is not enough to call it a pattern.
But probably, yeah. They’re nothing without him.
Caitlin Dykstra
LETS GO HOLLANDER!!
Colorado don’t know what hell LA has just unleashed on him.
Cassie Boodram
He beat them in the finals a few years ago. I think they know to fear him. LA too.
Crazy his first game in the West is between two teams he took cups from.
Caitlin Dykstra
Final score is 4-2 to LA. One goal, and two assists from Holly. Not bad for his first game as a Queen.
Selena Chouinard
That’s my man.
Cassie Boodram
No, it fucking isn’t.
Selena Chouinard

Shane + 💐
November 30th 3:41 PM
Lily
No.
We do not need this.
Rose
C’mon! I want someone to bully Shane with!
Wait, should I call him (her) Jane?
We both delete our messages three times a week, so it doesn’t really matter, but maybe remove my name from the chat just in case anyone sees it on Ilya’s phone?
Also, I already told you this was a bad idea.
Rose
Okay, I googled it. There’s a flower called Magnolia Jane’s so you can be part of the flower club with me and Lily.
Rose named the group 💐 💐 💐
Rose
Okay, onto the real reason I gathered you all here.
Lily
You are breaking up with Shane again and want witness?
Rose
hey, I’m not the one with that power anymore. That’s all you, babe.
I’d rather Lily didn’t break up with me, actually.
Lily
Maybe I am leaving you for Rose Landry this time. You had your turn already.
Rose
😂
Why does everyone always use my full legal name? You can just call me Rose.
Lily
Respectfully, no i will not be doing that.
Rose
😂
Rose
Anyway, everyone appreciate how adorable Monnie looks in this photo.
Jane is also there.
Rose
Lily
!!! you have a dog??
Jane, why did you not tell me about this?
You have been living with a dog for over two weeks , and you have not sent me a single picture???
Sorry
Her name is Monarch, and she’s very sweet.
She keeps trying to sleep in my room with m
Lily
And you have not been letting her?
But she is so cute!
Rose, do you have more photos of Jane with Monarch?
Also why do you have a Bed Bath & Beyond in your house? This is very strange.
Rose
That’s just the closet where I keep my towels 😂
Lily
Ah, so you are keeping Shane in the closet?
This is very sensitive topic for him.
These messages have been deleted.
Fuck off.
Rose
That’s all I have right now, but I’ll keep you posted.
Lily
Ah okay.
Thank you.
😊

Hayden

December 3rd 4.55 PM
How are Queens? Are they still crying over us stealing the cup from them three seasons ago?
The team are alright. They’ve agreed to forgive me for that if I help them win the cup this time around.
I feel like I should say you have no chance because Montreal has it in the bag…but honestly, I fucking hate it here without you.
I wouldn’t believe you if you did. Not with how the team has been playing.
You mean the fact that we haven’t won a game since you left?
I mean…
Don’t worry. Your boyfriend is being petty enough to make up for it. We fucking lost to OTTAWA! Rozanov fucking texted me twenty-four fucking smile emojis after the game.
I don’t even know how he got my number.
In my defense, when I gave it to him, I said it was only in case some emergency happened while we were on the road.
Whatever. I’m blocking the asshole if he sends me one more wikihow article, asking if the genetic art of boring white men with dark hair are me.
I’ll pass on the message.
No, but seriously. How are the new team?
Any of the guys trying to take my best friend title? Because I’ve fought those California fuckers before, I’ll do it again.
I just got here. I barely know anyone. Lundin is chill, i guess? He invited Rose and me to dinner with his boyfriend, which was nice.
I thought he might know about me somehow, but then he called Rose my girlfriend so apparently not.
If anyone is coming for your best friend, title it’s her. She’s been introducing herself to people as my BFF.
Dammit I can’t fight Rose Landry! Hitting women is fucked up. Also, Jackie would be pissed. You know she’s her favourite actress.
I’d rather you didn’t hit any of my friends, honestly. Not just the women.
How about your boyfriend? Can I hit him?
Only if he really deserves it.
Deal.

Unknown Number
December 19th 6:12 PM
This is Svetlana. What are you and Rose Landry doing tomorrow night? I am in LA for business.
Ilya’s friend Svetlana?
Yes.
I think there was some event Rose wanted to go to.
Would you like to join us? I can see if Rose can get another ticket.
What is the event?
A movie premiere. The new Patriot Games prequel, I think? Rose will probably make us go to an afterparty afterwards too, since I have the next day off.
Please ask Rose about the ticket if it is not too much trouble.
She said it’s no trouble. She is looking forward to meeting one of Ilya’s friends.
Can you send me the address you’re staying at? We can pick you up around 7:00 PM if that works for you.
416 W 8th St, Los Angeles, CA 90014, United States See you then, lover boy.

SAPs 🏒✨
December 21st 1:10 PM
Caitlin Dykstra
Okay, who sent a million diapers?
You’re a fucking godsend.
Leah Boyle
It wasn’t me, but I will take credit for it if it makes me look good.
Caitlin Dykstra
Apparently, Evan saw a certain captain's sports car speeding away.
Jane 👀 was this you?
Did I get the right things? Sorry, I didn’t know what would work for Suzie, so I just kind of got all the options?
I can have Ilya donate whatever you don’t want.
Caitlin Dykstra
You are a fucking angel.
Cassie Boodram
How are you doing, Caitlin?
Caitlin Dykstra
Exhausted🫩
I knew I wouldn’t get much sleep going into this, but Jesus Christ. And my body still fucking hurts.
Leah Boyle
Is Dykstra helping? And by helping I mean doing all the work while you recover from the major fucking medical event that is childbirth.
Caitlin Dykstra
Don’t worry, Evan’s been great. If anything, he’s been checking in on me too much. Suzie is the newborn here, not me.
Selena Chouinard
If you both ever need a night off, tell us. We are happy to watch Suzie while you sleep or watch Hockey or whatever.
Caitlin Dykstra
Thank you ❤️
I’m sorry I’m too far away to do much, but I’m sure Ilya would be happy to help.
I remember when his niece was a baby, he loved taking care of her in the summers. He probably changed more diapers than his brother ever did
Cassie Boodram
I didn’t know Roz had a niece. He should bring her to the next barbecue!
Leah Boyle
Hell, I didn’t even know Rozanov had a brother. He never mentions family, only Jane.
Unfortunately his niece is still back in Russia..
Leah Boyle
Damn that sucks. Does he visit much?
No. his family is complicated, so he doesn’t really go back anymore.
But, he has his best friend, he’s grown really close with my parents, who treat him like their own.
Leah Boyle
Sounds like my in-laws and me ✌️
I’m glad your parents don’t suck, Jane.
Yeah, they’re great. I’m really lucky to have them.
Caitlin Dykstra
Honestly can’t relate. I don’t really talk to my parents.
But here’s to not fucking up like they did 🙏
I’m sorry to hear that. I’m sure you’’re going to be be an amazing parent.
Leah Boyle
Damn right! You got this, Caitlin.
If Boyle and I can do it, then so can you!
Selena Chouinard
You are already an amazing mother. I know it.
Not to change the topic, but this is bugging me.
Who is the woman with Holly in this photo? Rose Landry posted it to their Instagram story, and I swear I have seen her face before.
Selena Chouinard
Leah Boyle
More importantly, since when does Hollander have a sense of style?
Jane reacted 😂
he probably still doesn’t. Credit should go to his stylist, not him.
Allison Perez
Yall are brutal.
@Selena I’m surprised you’re not defending “your man” .
Selena Chouinard
No, they are right. His clothes are usually very boring.
He used same stylist as Rose Landry again, they both credited her on their instagram posts 👀 more evidence you all owe me $50, yes?
I owe you nothing, I wasn’t involved in the bet.
And friends can share a stylist.
Leah Boyle
And Selena, you really have to stop stalking Hollander and Rose Landry.
Selena Chouinard
It is not stalking. She chose to share that photo with the world.
Cassie Boodram
Isn’t that Rozanov’s friend? S something?
Selena Chouinard
Oh my god you are right!
She is the gorgeous woman who works for Boston. She went to Monks with us after the Boston game last month!
Caitlin Dykstra
Isn’t that Sergei Vetrov’s daughter? She and Ilya have been photographed together since the start of his career. They’ve been friends forever, apparently.
There were rumours about them being together, but obviously they’re not true
Leah Boyle
Rumours?
Caitlin Dykstra
They used to be a thing I guess? They used to be photographed together all the time, at clubs dancing or making out 🤷‍♀️ I hear she was even in the Boston WAGS chat.
Leah Boyle
She was Rozanov’s WAG? And you say she’s known him forever?
Selena Chouinard
I think the Captaine said she is his best friend from Russia, yes.
Leah Boyle
And she works for Boston? Hm, I’m surprised they don’t have a problem with her associating with their ex-Captain. Might need to be very private with their relationship.
Might even use a different name 👀 a Jane Doe of sorts perhaps.
Selena Chouinard
Obviously they were not together. Jane said she and Ilya were casual for years. He wouldn’t have done that if he had a girlfriend. They must be friends.
Ah, wait a minute.
👀👀👀
? What’s going on?
Leah Boyle
Nothing, don’t worry about it 😇
Selena Chouinard
@Jane Davidson
Do you know Svetlana?
I mean, yeah, we’ve met a few times. She’s great.
Selena Chouinard
Did you know she is friends with Rose Landry?
No? I think they just met.
Selena Chouinard
Well, I am jealous. If Rose Landry wants Hockey friends, why can’t she hang out with us?
Leah Boyle
Maybe she only likes winning teams.
Caitlin Dykstra
Unlikely. She’s a Detroit supporter, and WE CRUSHED THEM!!!
Cassie Boodram
Damn right we did!
December 22st 9:21 AM
Cassie Boodram
You guys hear who’s been traded to Ottawa?
Caitlin Dykstra
No??? Who?
Who’s leaving?
idc what management says, Evan isn’t going anywhere. I am too exhausted to think about moving to fucking Buffalo rn
There’s been trade news?
Who?
Cassie Boodram
We’re getting Wyatt Hayes from Toronto! 🎉🎉🎉dw all of our men are safe.
Caitlin Dykstra
YESSS
Oh my god this is just what the team needs.
Jones is nice and all, but we might as well let Suzie guard the goal.
And she can’t even fucking raise her head yet
Cassie Boodram
Brutal but true.
But yeah, Jones’s been traded.
Caitlin Dykstra
Toronto are idiots! Hayes was wasted on them.
Leah Boyle
LETS FUCKIN GOOO!!!
Leah Boyle
That’s great!

Lily
December 19th 7:41 PM
Are you excited about the trade?
Yes, Hayes is good goalie. Will help team.
Honestly I would prefer different trade news. New second line center maybe, with nice freckles and pretty dick.
I wish, but I’m not a goalie.
And even if the Queens did trade me, there’s no guarantee I’d end up in Ottawa
I was thinking, maybe you ask?
Stop frowning, I can see your forehead creasing from Canada
You could warn them you will not re-sign next season. They are already asking you to sign yes? It would be professional to warn them, let them decide if they want to get something out of you first.
You say you want Ottawa. Very polite. Would be good business not to send you anywhere they know you will fuck off after season
I don’t know, Ilya…
I am not asking you to do now, but think about it maybe?
I’ll think about it.

💐💐💐
December 21st 11:14 AM
Rose
Shane is being very brave and facing the horrors of LA traffic so I don’t have to.
Rose
Lily
Shane loves traffic. It means he does not have to go the speed limit.
Rose
😂

SAPs 🏒✨
December 21st 4:01PM
Cassie Boodram
Everyone, welcome our newest SAP!
Lisa Hayes has been added to the chat.

Cassie Boodram
Lisa is the wife of our latest Centaur and new starting goalie Wyatt Hayes.
Lisa Hayes
Hi!
Selena Chouinard
Welcome!!!
Leah Boyle
Hi Lisa!
@Jane, you aren’t the new girl anymore!
Allison Perez
❤️❤️❤️
Welcome to the SAPS!
Cassie Boodram
Replying to Leah Boyle Jane also isn’t the only long-distance SAP anymore. Lisa is still living in Toronto 🥲
Leah Boyle
BOOO TORONTO
Don’t worry Lisa, we’re way cooler than them.
Leah Boyle
Caitlin Dykstra
Hi Lisa! Your husband is a great goalie. We’re very happy to have you guys.
Lisa Hayes
Thanks 😘
Wyatt has had nothing but great things to say about his new team.
Sadly, yes I am still in Toronto. I’m hoping to eventually apply for work in Ottawa, but I’m still a resident so it wouldn’t be until at least next season.
Leah Boyle
Are u a doctor?
Lisa Hayes
I’m a paediatrician. I work at Sick Kids, Toronto’s Children's Hospital.
Leah Boyle
Fuck yeah!
Leah Boyle
How soon is too soon to start annoying Lisa for medical advice when my boys start coughing?
Lisa Hayes
I don’t mind 😂How old are they
Leah Boyle
I have two five-month-old twin boys.
Leah Boyle
Lisa Hayes
Fraternal or identical? Twins sound tiring.
Leah Boyle
Very fraternal. They barely look like cousins, let alone brothers. Damien absorbed all my melanin, and Oscar ended up super pasty like his dad.
Caitlin Dykstra
A paediatrician, you say? 👀
I literally gave birth to my daughter five days ago, so I’m very familiar with baby doctors.
Lisa Hayes
Five days? Damn! She must be so little!
How are you and the baby doing?
Caitlin Dykstra
Medically, fine. However, emotionally…
Lisa Hayes
That’s more than fair.
You are welcome to message me if you have any concerns and want to know if it’s worth bringing to your doctor. I work a lot, but I’ll try and answer when I can.
Caitlin Dykstra
I really appreciate that ❤️
Selena Chouinard
You know we have free healthcare in Canada. We do not need to harass poor Lisa for medical advice.
In saying that, my five-year-old son is very shit at running. How do I know if he has asthma or if he is just bad at it?
Cassie Boodram
Jesus christ guys, let the woman breathe! Doctors are overworked enough without us harassing them in their free time.
Lisa Hayes
I don’t mind 😊
Replying to Selena Chouinard.
You should ask your family doctor at her next checkup. There’s a device we use to test for it, which should help your doctor give you an answer.
Hi Lisa!
I have no children, so I’ll leave you alone, I promise.
Lisa Hayes
I know basic adult medicine as well 😉
Leah Boyle
With the way both you and your man get baby fever after a sip of alcohol, I doubt it’ll take you long to join us.
Hey, how about we don’t tell the new member about my drunken ramblings? That would be great.
Lisa Hayes
😂
Can I ask who your partner is, Jane? I can guess most of your husbands from your last names, but I don’t remember there being a Davidson on the team?
Leah Boyle
She’s the captain's girl.
I’m in a relationship with Ilya Rozanov.
Lisa Hayes
That’s great! I didn’t know Rozanov was seeing someone. Wyatt said he seems like a great guy.
Sometimes. Mostly, he’s really annoying.
Leah Boyle
She’s full of shit. She also rants about how amazing and loving Rozanov is when she’s drunk.
Leah, you are my least favourite SAP😠
Leah Boyle
YOU LOVE ME!!
She’s full of shit. We have an almost 50 day friend streak on duolingo, and she buys me lives whenever she sees me miss a day.
Jane reacted 🙄
I would point out that me doing that is pretty much the only reason we still have that streak, but you have two babies so I’m happy to carry us to 100 days if I have to.
Leah Boyle
❤️
No, but fr I can buy my own streak freezes. I’m the only married to a millionaire. Unless Roz has given you full access to his bank account, then feel free to keep spending his All Star money on my duolingo streak.
I don’t need Ilya’s money. I have plenty of my own.
Leah Boyle
Damn, okay Miss Independetly Wealthy.
One day, you’ll tell us what you do for a living that has you bopping about the continent (world?) and earning so much coin so much.
Maybe one day.

💐💐💐
December 22nd 10:14 AM
Rose
??
My security just called to say a flower delivery service is outside looking for “Jane.”
Lily, was this you?
Lily
Tell security to accept the flowers.
Rose
OMG SHANE IS IT YOUR BIRTHDAY???
You didn’t tell me! 🫨
Rose
Rose
I swear I didn’t read the note, but the words “HAPPY BIRTHDAY JANE!” were hard to miss.
Jesus christ.
It’s not my birthday. It’s “Jane’s”
But it is the ten year anniversary of the day Ilya and I met.
Rose
OMG HAPPY ANNIVERSARY!!!
And he got you lilies? 🥰
Lily
Yes, I specifically requested as many lilies they would give me, and whatever other flowers look nice as long as they are not roses.
Terrible cliche flower.
Rose
🙄
Shane’s at practice already, but I can put them in a vase for him.
Thank you.

Lily
10:31 AM
Lily
I fucking love you so much.
You know I was kidding when I said you had to get Jane a birthday present, right?
Flowers are barely a present.
Besides, it is special day.
Something very important happened ten years ago today, you know?
You’re so cheesy.
Obviously I am talking about me winning the World Junior Championship for Russia.
You’re a fucking asshole.
That isn’t even ten years ago today. The championship was on the 23rd.
Ah damn sent flowers too early then. We can celebrate anniversary of my win when you arrive tomorrow then 😏
It’ll probably be about 1 AM on the 24th when I arrive actually.
But I think I can find sometime to celebrate our anniversary (not your win a million years ago) when I’m in town. Preferably in your bed.
Maybe we celebrate twice? Call me after practice?
Yes.
I can’t believe you wasted money on flowers when you know I’m flying out tomorrow.
They’re going to wilt.
Lucky for flowers, you will barely be gone for the weekend. I think they will manage.
Not so lucky for me, since I get only a day with you before you fly back to your flowers again.
My flowers need me. Some asshoel paid for them to be cut off their parent and wrapped in weak pink paper, all for a makeup birthday.
Ah, so you are poor flowers new parent? Mama Jane?
It’s not easy being a single parent, but someone has to do it.
Single? Last I checked you are very much not single.
Single? Just ask TMZ, you are very happy committed heterosexual relationship.
First of all, fuck off with that.
It’s not my fault, my boyfriend is a deadbeat dad.
I will buy our flower children most beautiful vase.
And millions of bottles of shitty fiji water, or whatever Californian flowers like, so they will grow strong like their papa.
You’re such a dickhead.
How do you say “Happy anniversary” in Russian?
С годовщиной!
[Audio message: 7.61 seconds]
Pronounced like s gad-OV-shee-noy
[Audio message: 4.79 seconds.]
С годовщиной!
Not bad.
I’ll call you after practice. I want to celebrate Jane’s birthday properly.
❤️

SAPs 🏒✨
12:04 PM
Cassie Boodram
HAPPY BIRTHDAY JANE!!! 🎂🎂🎂
Leah Boyle
Leah Boyle
HAPPY BDAY JANE!
Lisa Hayes
Happy birthday Jane 🎉🥳
Selena Chouinard
Bonne fête Jane!
Caitlin Dykstra
Um, thanks?
❤️
Leah Boyle
Are you gonna do anything special?
Not really. Raven wants to take me out for drinks, but I’ll probably spend the evening on FaceTime with Ilya.
He sent me flowers, which really confused Ravens' security.
Leah Boyle
Damn okay Raven is either super rich or super paranoid.
Bit of both. She has her reasons for being careful.
Selena Chouinard
Can we see the flowers?
The captaine better not have only sent you a few wilted flowers. He has the money for a proper bouquet.
Here (That’s Raven holding them. I think she had her security take the photo. I was at work already.)
Selena Chouinard
This is acceptable.
Were flowers the only present?
No, he already gave me my birthday present. This was just something extra.
Selena Chouinard
That’s very sweet. I’m glad Roz is treating you.
Leah Boyle
Not like he can’t afford it. Was there a note? 👀
Uh yep.
It said: “Happy birthday, Jane! You are the best thing that has ever happened to me. I am very glad you told me off for smoking all those years ago, and that you are very bad at hiding it when you check out my ass. Я буду любить тебя всегда.”
The Russian translates to something like “I will love you forever.”
Cassie Boodram
That’s so sweet!
Who knew Rozanov was a romantic.
Allison Perez
Happy birthday, Jane!
Omg that’s so romantic! 🥰
Leah Boyle
That is cute, but can be back up to the part about you telling him off for smoking and looking at his ass?
Those were separate events. I pointed out (very politely) that he wasn’t allowed to smoke where we were when I first introduced myself to him.
And then a couple years later he caught me checking out his ass, things…escelated, and he asked for my room number. ”
Leah Boyle
I thought you met at the gym? Was Roz smoking inside a gym??
Right I did say that. The smoking was outside the gym.
Selena Chouinard
He does have a very nice ass.
I’m going to ignore that you were looking at it, because honestly, yeah, it’s kind of an insane ass.
I’ve never seen another guy with a bubble butt like that. It’s ridiculous.
Leah Boyle
I’m gonna end up staring at his ass next time I see him, and it’s going to be your fault.
If I can resist every time I’m in public with him, then so can you.
Leah Boyle
According to that note, you didn’t lol.
Got yourself a sweetheart millionaire boyfriend out of it, though. That’s a win.
3:10 PM
Cassie Boodram
You’ll all invited to my place for a Christmas Barbeque on Boxing day 🔥
Lisa Hayes
I wish we could, but we’re having Christmas with Wyatt’s family in Toronto.
Too bad. I am very curious about the concept of a “Christmas Barbeque.”
Cassie Boodram
That’s okay! I hope you have a good Christmas!
Okay, who are we making pretend to be Santa this year?
Leah Boyle
I feel like I read somewhere that Santa Claus was originally Russian…
No, but Russia has their own Santa like figure. Ded Moroz

Leah Boyle
Well, he can be Russian this year 👀🎅
I can ask 🤷🏻‍♀️
Leah Boyle
2/3 of the children are literal babies
What are babies going to ask Santa Claus for?
Caitlin Dykstra
A Stanley Cup, hopefully.
I’ve already started training Suzie to say it as her first words
Should have just named her Stanley.
Cut to the chase.
Leah Boyle
You and Ilya can keep that name for your kids 😝
Mm pass. Apparently my mom considered naming me Stanley, but my dad convinced her it would jinx any chance I had at an NHL career
Leah Boyle
My mom was going to name me Albert if I was a boy.
Thank god for my double X chromosomes 😅
Right, yes, that’s what I meant.
I never could have been named Stanley even if my dad hadn’t stopped mom, because I am a girl.
Caitlin Dykstra
Your mom wanted you to be in the NHL? Was she disappointed when you didn’t join the PWHL?
Unless you are in the PWHL 👀
Leah Boyle
Or work in the hockey industry in some capacity 👀👀👀
Sometimes I wish I was in the PWHL, even though they’re paid fuck all, and completely underappreciated. But no. The culture amongst the athletes seems so supportive and inclusive, way better than my industry.
I’m not saying what I do for a living, but my parents are very supportive.
Leah Boyle
Cassie Boodram
Please convince Ilya to come. And not just because he’d make the perfect Santa Claus.
Are you spending Christmas in Ottawa this year? .
Yes, but I’m flying out boxing day afternoon.
Caitlin Dykstra
Damn that’s quick.
Sadly, I have work on the morning of the 27th.
Cassie Boodram
That’s a shame. It would have been great to meet you.
Maybe another time.

Lily
December 24th 6:13 AM
I snuck ride in your mom’s car.
Do not worry no one can see me. Yuna parked by pole, and I am in disguise. It is fine.
Landed.
I fucking miss you too much to even worry about people catching you in my mom’s car right now. I’ll see you soon❤️
See you soon, Мой любимый ❤️

SAPs 🏒✨
December 25th 10:12 AM
Cassie Boodram
Happy Holidays, everyone! 🎄🎄🎄
Leah Boyle
Leah Boyle
Christmas as a parent is great. All of Boyle’s extended family are obsessed with the boys. I haven’t had to change a diaper in days.
@Caitlin how’s Suzie enjoying her first Christmas?
Caitlin Dykstra
She has no idea what’s going so, so good I think?
Selena Chouinard
Speak for yourselves. I hate the holidays.
My in-laws are here, and my mother-in-law thinks I am harlot whore who is ruining her son's life.
She told me I “wrap bad” and opened all of the presents I spent all night on, and re-wrapped them herself.
I am going to stab her.
Cassie Boodram
That’s not okay!
Did Nick say anything?
Selena Chouinard
Nick is a mommas boy. He will not say anything.
Leah Boyle
Fuck that!!
She is in your fucking house, she needs to show you some goddamn respect.
Selena Chouinard
Ah, but it is her son who paid for the house. I am “gold digger.”
That man was not even signed with NHL when I met him, but okay fine.
Lisa Hayes
That sounds shit, dude. You shouldn’t have to deal with that.
Leah Boyle
You know what, I think you’re onto something with the idea of stabbing her.
Nick needs to stand the fuck up for you.
Selena Chouinard
It is fine. She is always like this.
Leah Boyle
She has no right to treat you like that, especially not as a guest.
Selena Chouinard
I cannot keep her from her son and grandchildren. I appreciate you all trying to help, but just letting me complain is enough.
Cassie Boodram
We’re here for you, babe ❤️
❤️+6

💐💐💐
December 31st 8:30 PM
Rose
Lily, tell your man he’s not allowed to go to bed before midnight ON NEW YEARS!!!
Lily
Telling Shane not to be boring is like telling me to be bad at hockey. Cannot change nature.
Rose
Her friend Miles is hosting the New Year's party. She will have plenty of fun without me there.
You both know I hate parties. Besides, I don’t know anyone but you and Miles.
Lily
Miles? Rose’s famous gay actor friend who came out last month?
Shane does not have to go if he does not want to.
Rose
Svetlana’s coming too, actually, so yes, you will.
Lily
My Sveta?
She is still in LA?
😒 your Sveta?
Lily
You are very dramatic.
*my very platonic best friend Sveta I will never have sex with ever again.
Better, but I don’t see why mentioning you’ve slept together is necessary.
Rose
I convinced her to stick around a little longer 🤭 I’m playing a Russian pageant queen in the show I’m filming right now, and she’s been helping me practice my Russian😊 She’s been amazing
Lily
You are playing Russian? First, you steal my boyfriend, now my nationality?
Lily
Rose
Actually, my character is bisexual and falls in love with her rival too… honestly, it is pretty ironic.
Lily
Hmmm
When does this come out? I will give critiques.
Didn’t you say you’re naked in like half of the scenes of that show?
Rose
And? Idc if Ilya makes fun of my fake orgasm face.
Lily
Shane, you are not allowed to watch this show.
I’ve literally slept with her before, she said she doesn’t care if I see it.
Lily
Exactly, you have already seen her fake orgasm face enough.
Rose
Rose
ANYWAY, would it help if I invite the team to the party? Miles would be totally down with a bunch of hot athletes crashing his party.
You said you’ve been getting along pretty well with the team, right?
I don’t really know them that well, but they seem pretty cool
Besides, the party starts in two hours, that’s way too last-minute to invite them. They will have New Years plans already.
Rose
Not to sound arrogant, but it’s an A-list celebrity party, Shane. They’ll be there.
I think Lundin's boyfriend James, is already invited anyway. He was at the launch thing last month.
Lily
How many attractive queer men are invited to this party?
You think Lundin and his boyfriend are attractive?
Lily
Objectively, yes.
Jane reacted 😠
Rose
Miles says it’s cool 👀
...
Okay, fine, I’ll go if the guys go. I should socialize with the team more.
But, I’m not promising I’ll stay until midnight.
Rose
I love winning.

QUEENS 👑
December 31st 9:03 PM
Hey, I know it’s last-minute, but if anyone is interested, you’ve all been invited to a party at Rose’s friend Miles’s place tonight.
Sullivan
YO WHAT
Johannson
“her friend Miles” YOU MEAN MILES ALLEN, FUCKING LIQUID SILVER???
Lundin
I think that’s the one James and I were invited to? Damn, I should have known you’d be there.
Bulsara
HOLLY YOU FUCKIN BEAUT!
Does this mean we finally get to meet your movie star girlfriend?
My friend Rose will be there yes.
Bulsara
“friend” is that what we’re calling it now?
Stevens
LETS GOOOOOO
It starts at 10, here’s the address google maps link
Jenkins

Lily
January 2nd 8:41 AM
Mom wants to reschedule the Irina Foundation press conference for the 11th. Will you be free that morning?
I know. It’s not the ideal time to announce the foundation, but we’ve put it off long enough. We need to get everything in motion, so we’re ready to launch this summer.
I can be late to practice. The team will understand.
You have the game with Montreal the night before. When is your team driving to Ottawa?
And what do you want to do in Ottawa? Game night with your parents? Enjoy the nightlife?
I was thinking I would suck your dick.
Ah, that is too bad. I am busy that night. 🤷
😑
Okay I will let you suck my dick, since you asked so nicely.
oh you’ll let me? How generous of you.
It is a good plan, except for the part where I have to wait for you to get dinner with Hayden.
He’s my best friend, and I haven’t seen him in ages.
You will see him during the game!
Okay, fine, I will wait for yoU, лифт.
Elevator?
Yes, because you come very easily.
🖕
I am sorry we had to delay everything. This whole situation has been a mess.
I know this is not what we planned, but everything will be okay. You can still help get the foundation ready from LA. Yuna and I can handle everything else.
People are going to find it weird that I supposedly chose to leave Canada, only to open a charity there.
And? It is not your job to cover up Montreal’s terrible business decision.
I guess.
Okay, so we have a plan.
We are going to tell everyone we’re actually friends, and that we’re starting a charity together on the 11th at 10AM.
And then we met on the ice at 4, and my team completely destroys yours.
Do not get too confident.
You forget, we will have the home turf advantage. Centaurs will win the game.
You do remember that the first time I ever beat you was in Ottawa, right? When I was the one with the home turf advantage?
I am very comfortable winning in Ottawa.
No, I do not remember this.
Do you mean our first-ever game?
Wait nevermind, I won that one.
🙄

Lundin (Queens)
January 6th 5:46 PM
Hey man, are you alright?
Yeah, of course. It’s not a big deal, I was just being dramatic.
It seemed like a big deal. What did you mean about the rules being different for Rose?
Fuck, man, I’m sorry that was fucking rude of me. Rose is cool, I have no problem with her being in the WAGS chat. I was just feeling bitchy because Coach didn’t give me any ice time again, and Idk it made me paranoid.
Like I said, it’s not a big deal, but I asked if James could join the WAGS chat after I came out, and the guys said it was wives only, as in you had to be married.
Which, is fucking weird since the acronym literally has girlfriend in it, but whatever, you know.
You think they didn’t let James join because he’s a man?
I was probably being paranoid. I’m too sensitive about that shit sometimes.
The guys have been great. I have no reason to accuse them of shit.
You were right to be pissed. That rule definitely sounds like bullshit to keep James out. I would get mad too if they invited someone who definitely isn’t married into the group after telling me that.
Yeah, but she’s Rose fucking Landry. I can’t be mad they’d break the rules to let your movie star girlfriend in.
What is the situation with your ice time? Didn't you play top pair last season? I thought maybe your sprain from the playoffs was still bothering you, but you’ve been skating fine in practice.
Don’t get me fucking started. That sprain was barely a fucking bruise. I was cleared months ago, but Coach fucking used it as an excuse as long as he could to keep me benched. Now, I think he’s just hoping everyone forgot I was 1st line.
That’s ridiculous. You’re an amazing defenseman.
Well, I’ll probably be an amazing defenseman in Sweden next season.
You’re quitting?
Not if I can help it. But my contract expires, and according to my agent, the team has all but said they’re not extending my contract.
Fuck.
Do you know why?
C’mon, man, it’s pretty fucking obvious why.
I’m gay and apparently that’s not the image ‘the Queens’ are going for 🙄
I’m sorry, Lundin
That’s fucking bullshit.
Pretty much.
But yeah, sorry if it seemed like I was mad at you or Rose in the lockeroom. You guys are a cool couple, I was just being bitter.
It’s all good, man.

Farah
January 6th 7:02 PM
Hi Farah, do the Queens know I don’t intend on re-signing next season?
Hello, Shane. I haven’t said anything about your intentions. I’ve simply told them you’d prefer to finish your first season before contract negotiations.
If we did tell them, would there be a way to arrange for me to be traded to Ottawa early? It’s just an idea Ilya had.
I cannot guarantee anything, but it’s certainly a possibility. The Queens may be inclined to trade you rather than lose your value when your contract ends. From there, there is typically room to negotiate.
There is a risk of being traded elsewhere, but good faith business practice will incline them to trade you to a team you intend to stay in, so as to not to negatively affect relationships with the other team if you do walk away.
You don’t think it’s a terrible idea?
I wouldn’t say that. It certainly has its risks, but It isn’t the riskiest gamble a player has made with his career. Besides, for all we know, the Queens would rather take the loss and keep you through the playoffs.
Are you concerned about my reputation? Won’t people talk if I’m traded twice in a season? Will it be obvious Ilya and I are together if I follow him to Ottawa? If they even want me that is.
And would it even be worth it? If they wait until the trade deadline and the Centaurs don’t make the playoffs, I’ll be throwing away my chance at the Cup this season.
This is your decision Shane. I will support you no matter what choice you make.
I was afraid you’d say that.

Hayden
January 8th 8:51 PM
I am so pumped for u to be back in Montreal, man.
That makes one of us.
No offense, but I’m not exactly looking forward to seeing most of the team again.
Maybe it’ll be therapeutic or something?
It can be like your revenge dress.
I have no idea what that means.
I’ll be wearing my hockey gear, not a dress?
Okay, so Jackie has been really into video essays about Princess Diana recently. Basically, Diana’s husband admitted to cheating on her on TV, and everyone expected Diana to be a fucking mess and hide away from the press.
Okay? What does this have to do with Hockey?
She didn’t. Instead, she put on a tight little black dress and showed up to a gala cool as a fucking cucumber THE SAME FUCKIN DAY.
She was unbothered as hell because she was always too hot for his scrawny cheating ass anyway.
You are going to show up, be your usual professional, talented fucking self, and show the world you were always too fucking good for Montreal.
Didn’t she die?
Don’t even bring that up, man. I’m not over it.
Are you sure Jackie is the one obsessed with Princess Diana?
Fuck off. Princess Diana was a fucking legend.
She like stood up for AIDS victims and shit when all the other powerful famous people were happy to be homophobic shitheads and let them die. She was like an ally and shit.
Oh, that’s pretty cool, actually.
Since when do you know about any of this stuff? You literally didn’t know what bisexual meant when we had dinner with Ilya last year.
Yeah, Jackie gave me a lot of shit for that. She told me I wasn’t allowed to touch her tits until I could explain what all the letters in LGBT+ meant.
I ended up kinda going down a bunch of rabit holes, and started googling famous gay people, and watched a bunch of documentaries about Freddie Mercury, and then went down a different rabbithole about the AIDs crisis.
That’s about when Jackie got into Princess Diana videos. Did you know Diana and Freddie Mercury went to gay bars together? Fucking legends.
Wow.
Is he the singer in Queen? I think our goal song is by them?
And your skate out song. Dude, you need to start listening to music more.
Anyway, my point is you were always too fucking good for Montreal, and that is going to be obvious to everyone at the game.
You’re right, though. I am too hot for Montreal.
DAMN FUCKIN RIGHT!
: God, it’s going to suck playing against you.
Oh yeah, you guys are doomed.
Yeah, probably.

SAPs 🏒✨
January 9th 3:02 PM
Selena Chouinard
Is it betrayal to go to a NHL game my husband is not playing?
Leah Boyle
Yes, unless the game is Hollander vs Montreal, then girl👀 how did you score a ticket, I already tried but they’ve been sold out for ages.
Cassie Boodram
”Hollander vs Montreal” what are the other Queens, backup dancers?
Leah Boyle
They might as well be.
Selena Chouinard
I fucking wish. I have been searching everywhere but I cannot get ticket.
Leah Boyle
Rip.
Hey Selena, what’s your email address?
Selena Chouinard
If you sign me up for Hello Fresh spam to get discount I will murder you in sleep.
Leah Boyle
HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO APOLOGISE FOR THAT???
Selena Chouinard
One apology for every stupid fucking email about seasonal fucking produce clogging my inbox. I pressed unsubscribe many times, but nothing worked. I had to make a new email address.
Selena Chouinard
LaGranddamoiselle@Outlook.com Do not betray me like Leah.
Leah Boyle
I won’t sign you up for any grocery services or mail-lists of any kind, I swear.
Selena Chouinard
I will hold you to this.
January 9th 6:23 PM
Selena Chouinard
JANE, C'EST TOI QUI AS FAIT ÇA ? TU M'AS ENVOYÉ DEUX BILLETS POUR LE MATCH DE MONTRÉAL DEMAIN ???
Leah Boyle
Jane got you tickets????
what fucking connections do you have, woman??
Just a favour from a friend. Sorry, I could only get two tickets.
Selena Chouinard
Jane, you are 🤏 to being added to my hall-pass list.
That is not necessary.
Selena Chouinard
Who gets the second ticket? Or do I get to pick like middle school dodgeball team?
Leah Boyle
I’m not working tomorrow, and my in laws said they can watch the boys 😈 Also I love free shit.
Cassie Boodram
You’re literally a millionaire.
And?
I’m pretty sure we’re all rich, with how Jane is throwing around money.
Wait shit I forgot Ali doesn’t have access to a NHL salary.
Sorry girl.
Allison Perez
Allison Perez
Nah it’s okay. I’ve accepted my place as the token broke gal in the chat.
Cassie Boodram
Me too. All yours Leah.
Lisa Hayes
That game is going to be brutal. You guys root for Hollander for me, will you?
Selena Chouinard
Of course ❤️
Leah Boyle
Caitlin Dykstra
I’m so fucking jealous.
Leah Boyle
We’ll cuss out the Voyageurs extra loud in your honour.
Caitlin Dykstra
You better ❤️

Lily
January 10th 9:02 PM
Landed.
Fuck, it’s weird being back in Montreal.
Forget Montreal. Focus on positives.
We are in same time zone, even better we are in booty call distance again.
Ugh don’t call it that.
But yeah, knowing I’m going to end today in your bed is pretty fucking motivating.
Well, it’s mostly making me want to skip everything else and drive straight there.
YOU want to skip hockey game?
What has Hollywood done to you? Are you infected with Californian plague that changes personality?
Shut up.
I also wish you would drive straight here.
Sorry Coach, I cannot play I must drive to Ottawa and ride Ilya Rozanov’s massive dick until I cry.
Delete that message.
But fuck I wish.
I wish I could be at game.
Even if you had time after practice, it would be too conspicuous.
Yes, but you deserve to have your boyfriend at your game. I can tell you it is very nice feeling.
especially this game.
Maybe if you retire first I’ll find out one day.
Please, I am healthy as horse. I will play for 50 more years.
Besides, I’m not alone. My parents will be there, and even some of the SAPs.
And Jackie already assured me that she’ll be rooting for me and not her husband tonight.
Of course she will. Who would want to root for Hayden?
Shut up.
I have to go, but I love you and I’ll see you tonight ❤️
Увидимся сегодня вечером, моя любовь ❤️

SAPs 🏒✨
January 10th 3:46 PM
Leah Boyle
It is weird being at a game without a team jersey on.
We’re fucking surrounded by Hollander jerseys. Some have painted the word “FUCK” in front on Hollander’s name, but still.
Selena Chouinard
I wish Hollander had an Ottawa jersey I could wear. Leah said it would be traitorous to buy a jersey for a different team.
I would wear an outfit with a flag to sneakily support Hollander’s team like he did for us, but if I let the American flag touch my skin, I will burst into hives.
Caitlin Dykstra
I also wish Hollander had a Ottawa jersey because that would mean we had Shane motherfucking Hollander on our team.
Leah Boyle
These are great seats, but If the lady behind me calls Hollander a disloyal f*g one more time, I will have to throw hands.
I think we might be in the Montreal friends and family section? How the fuck did Jane pull this?
Jane if you’re actually a Montreal WAG who’s cheating on her husband with Rozanov you can tell us 😉
Selena Chouinard
Oh damn, one of the other WAGs is going off on this homophobic bitch. .
Leah Boyle
”Shane isn’t the player whos’ loyalty you should worried about, Jess. I don’t think going along with your husbands bitter bigoted grudge against his ex captain is what your marriage counselor had in mind when she suggested you show more interest in each other’s hobbies.” OH MY GOD SHUT THAT BITCH UP
Leah Boyle
And the bitch ran off crying 💀
Selena Chouinard
Whichever Metro this beautiful woman is married to does not deserve her.
Leah Boyle
Update: her name is Jackie, she’s (inexplicably) married to Hayden Pike, and she’s my new best friend.
Caitlin Dykstra
WAG on WAG violence damn
I’m so glad you guys are all cool as hell and not bigoted dicks. I could not handle that energy.
Leah Boyle
Same. Jackie said she can’t get into the details but apparently some shit went down and the Montreal WAG chat did a full civil war and split into two chats.
She also told us that they’re all pretty sure Jessica’s husband is cheating on her with their marriage counselor, but Jessica is in denial.
Caitlin Dykstra
Caitlin Dykstra
OH???
Selena Chouinard
Seeing Hollander in black and white is still very strange. Though I will say he pulls it off.
Leah Boyle
More like you wish you could pull it off him.
Selena Chouinard
I mean… of course 😈
Leah Boyle
Okay, time to watch Hollander annihilate these motherfuckers.
January 10th 4:42 PM
Selena Chouinard
Hollander getting hat trick before third period even starts like the legend he is ❤️
Cassie Boodram
Fuck, Hollander is being so blatantly fucking targeted. How many Queens defensemen have been thrown in the sin bin for taking fights meant for Hollander?
Caitlin Dykstra
Three Queens, and Hayden Pike, who is neither a defensemen not a Queen.
Lisa Hayes
Is this normal? t I know it happens a lot in Toronto, but I thought that was because the Guardians build their roster around protecting that fuck head Dallas Kent.
Caitlin Dykstra
Hollander hasn’t said a word all game. This isn’t a case of “talk shit, get hit,” they’re just fucking targeting him.
Cassie Boodram
Has anyone told Montreal that penalties aren’t worth points? Because they’re sure playing like they are.
They’re almost making it too easy for the Queens.
January 10th 5:41 PM
Leah Boyle
As Montreal hater, that game was epic.
As the wife of someone who has to play the Queens tomorrow, however….
Leah Boyle
Cassie Boodram
Maybe Hollander tired himself out proving a point to Montreal?
Caitlin Dykstra
Love the positivity, but no way. Whatever beef Hollander has with Montreal has nothing on his rivalry with Rozanov.
Caitlin Dykstra
True…