dive back in

canada doesn’t have green cards lol

lowkey xenophobic of u, why would it be a green card wedding???

you can’t seriously expect me to believe that shane hollander and ilya rozanov are in love with each other lol

Montreal Metros @MtlMetros · Jan 3, 2017

Merci beaucoup! 💙❤️💙

are u kidding me, did u SEE their faces in the instagram photos??? Nobody can fake those expressions.

it’s called acting, buddy

lol please… hollander’s SportsCenter commercial? That man cannot act for shit.

tfw your husband tells the world you’re a sub in the post announcing your wedding

how did that photo even happen??? “Okay ilya now I need you and Shane to look UNREASONABLY sexual for a photo in which you’re both fully clothed and barely touching”

@motherpucker that’s giving “unreasonably sexual” to you? hollander looks like he’s about to burst into song

@metro_davo he’s about to burst into SOMETHING i’ll tell you that

no but this is actually so important. the two best and most prominent players in the whole MLH are not only queer but married TO EACH OTHER? the MLH isn’t going to be able to make this go away or sweep it under the rug. a whole generation of queer kids is going to grow up knowing there’s a place for them in hockey thanks to shane hollander and ilya rozanov

738

okay so we all agree this is just homophobia right??? He’s SAID in interviews that he loves Boston

Gays shouldn’t be playing in the MLH. Good move by the Raiders.

i’m literally crying rn. it just really goes to show that a queer player can never be enough in the MLH. if even living legend ilya rozanov can be waived for being queer, what hope do lesser-known queer players have?

you’re being overdramatic. we don’t know why the raiders are waiving rozanov. there could be legitimate issues in the locker room.

rme lol you people are always looking for something to be offended about. Sorry i want to watch hockey and don’t want gay shit being shoved in my face.

i’m a straight guy, been a fan since i was a kid. roz has never shoved anything in our faces except for a STANLEIGH CUP. are you for real? this is insane. the hate he’s getting is sickening. so disappointed in this team and fanbase.

chat is this a hate crime

not even i am willing to root for fucking OTTAWA. Sorry ilya, you’ve gone somewhere I can’t follow

IS THIS REAL LIFE????????

now we just have to fix our goaltending and then we’ll be STANLEY CUP WINNERS

@centaurs4life *stanleigh lmao ottawa hasn’t had a cup in so long you don’t even know how to spell it

this would be amazing but there’s no way we can afford both of them :((( but so excited about rozanov!! I have a great feeling about this!!

girl i’m sorry but there’s nothing romantic about having to play for the ottawa centaurs

LET ME LIVE!!!

Boston Raiders News @raidersnews · Jan 9, 2017

See, he was fucking up locker room dynamics. None of this homophobia bullshit people keep accusing the Raiders of.

buddy did you even read the article, it SAYS the locker room issues WERE homophobia from the rest of the room!

its not homophobia, its just common sense. how is anyone supposed to be sure their not throwing games for each other? their loyalties are divided.

yeah their loyalties look really divided. you sound so stupid rn. this roz vs hollzy highlight video is OVER 10 MINS LONG. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dQw4w9WgXcQ

well i’m glad my boy stood up for him, at least!!! Cliff Marleau Certified Not A Homophobe.

how do you know marleau stood up for him? It doesn’t mention any names in the article

he said in an interview this morning that roz was his best friend! He looked genuinely so devastated about him leaving.

and remember when the d*adspin article came out and they scratched him and it looked like he had been crying? :( poor roz. he gave everything to this team and they completely let him down.

It might be worth moving the biggest piece on the board to gain some space to maneuver. If they can add some solid D-men they might be able to build around Elias Väisänen. 2/2

buddy do you know NOTHING about cap space??? Sending a player down only frees up $950,000. That barely touches Roz’s contract. https://capfriendly.com/player/ilya-rozanov

It’s called thinking long-term. Having Rozanov off the books in 2018 will make a big difference. It’s delusional to think that the Raiders could just keep him forever and let him carry the team. Everyone’s just looking for something to be offended about. Try being less sensitive.

whomp there it is

THIS, thank you.

possible explanations for the hollanov marriage timeline, ranked from most likely to least likely.
1. they recently fell in love with each other.
2. they are friends, and shane hollander is a really good guy who doesn’t want his friend’s life to be ruined by a shitty internet article.
3. they don’t like each other, and shane hollander is The Best Man In The History Of The World (see above).
4. they’ve BEEN in love but rozanov’s a cheating asshole (and hollander has awful taste/doesn’t respect himself).
5. someone (rozanov? hollander? a third party who paid them off?) is trying to kill crowell by inducing a heart attack.
6. they’re in an open relationship and have been for a while and the deadspin article forced their hand.
7. the MLH has pivoted HARD and is trying out a wacky new advertising strategy to try to bring in new fans.
8. rozanov is blackmailing hollander.
9. we’re experiencing a mass hallucination.
10. the literal Prime Minister of Canada called shane hollander on the phone and said “mr. hollander please i can’t explain why but we need you to marry ilya rozanov. your country needs you” and hollander said “of course mr. prime minister, i’ll do anything for canada :)”. (no i don’t know what canada would want with ilya rozanov. i mean, hockey skills aside. oh shit actually -)
11. the canadian government wants rozanov on team canada for the next olympics and for some reason this was the only way to make it happen.
12. i’m asleep and having a really weird dream.
13. they got abducted by aliens.
14. they’re possessed.
15. we’re actually in Fanfic World and they’re in some kind of fuck-or-die situation but with marriage requirements.
16 through 999. idfk lol maybe we’ll never know
1000. “one or both of them must have allegations coming down the pipeline”

103

craziest part of that stupid “allegations down the pipeline” post is the idea that the MLH gives a single shit about SA. or about women in general

44

why the absolute fuck would previous games be under review? why does the MLH need a “full picture”? what are you TALKING about lmao

there’s still time to delete this, dude

Finally someone talking sense. No fucking way those homos haven’t been throwing games for each other.

omg this explains everything… shane is pregnant 🫃🏻

please do not put this body horror in my replies

if shane hollander got pregnant mid-season he would abort that thing

idk man is he even gay???

why tf would he lie about being gay?

we’ve seen them go achievement-for-achievement right from the start of their careers. Roz 1st overall, hol rookie of the year, roz 1st cup, hol repeat cups, etc etc. this is simply an extension of that. He couldn’t let roz out-scandal him too.

ykw that’s the most homosexual thing they’ve done. I’m convinced.

I thought so too at first but like… Yuna Hollander congratulated them in the comment section… and she and David are in one of the photos…

but it CAN’T have been going on longer than a month!!! For unrelated reasons, re-upping my compilation of every time shane hollander insults him: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PrSDiT6DDgY

babe did you see how hard they were playing against each other right after the wedding? Roz smashing him into the boards was BRUTAL. Pretty sure you can see Shane laughing tho.

if you look at your own video, half the time they’re both smiling about it!! How tf did we not see it.

omg i love your beautiful mind

faye ✨ @hockeylesbo · Jan 17, 2017

wait there’s a tumblr list? LMAOOO

yeah here lol https://too-many-men.tumblr.com/post/2905450

wait wtf is that last point…… did someone seriously say that?!

oh boy haha yeah. here’s the link if you wanna lose a bunch of brain cells: https://hoe-ckey.tumblr.com/post/2389053

ohhhhh myyyyy goddddddddddd

DID HE SAY YEARS???????????

holy fucking shit, what the fuck, how far back do you think this GOES

oh fuck what about the guy in the photos???? that was Extremely Not Shane Hollander.

@rozzynov maybe they have an open relationship??

you're making a lot of assumptions

it’s called photographic evidence???? Hello????

bestie i think you’re reaching

oh so you’re saying gay men can’t be monogamous or in a committed relationship???

yep good job that’s exactly what i’m saying 🙄 assuming that rozanov was cheating is sooooo progressive of you

“shane is very easy to love” i’m crying wtf ;~;

siri how do you spell delusion

or he’s just actually bisexual……

guys have you seen that one reddit post where people are talking about their hookups with him and they’re all like “10/10 would get eaten out multiple times again, he was SO considerate” or whatever???

everyone knows those posts are fake, lol

that man fucking loves to bunch mox

“bunch mox”?? what are you, twelve???

GIRL NO!!!!!!! hold the line!!!!!!!!! maybe there’s still time for an annulment……….. Hayden go get your man!!!!

Ottawa, ON

Born June 15, 1991

Joined June 2009

when you know you know!!! @hollanovtruther · Jan 28, 2017
hmmm...... i wonder......

does… does local man not realize theyre public??? There are SO many thirst posts about shane hollander in there

mine is the one that calls shaydens delusional

I can’t believe I’m saying this but I think I now know TOO MUCH about Shane Hollander’s sex life

Ottawa, ON

Born June 15, 1991

Joined June 2009

Arzu @roof_crash · Jan 24, 2017
Guys. I’m going to hold your hands while I tell you this. The fact that Ilya Rozanov is, by all appearances, DESPERATELY in love with Shane Hollander, does not mean that he was faking liking women.

💔

Major League Hockey @mlh · Jan 20, 2017

“#pleaselikemysport we hate women as much as you do, don’t worry!" truly i hate it here

you’d think they’d remember that appealing to the other 50% of the population would get them more money but not even purchasing power is strong enough to break through misogyny

you girls are way too sensitive, nowhere in these ads do they mention women

they didn’t want it to be a drama! they’ve said in interviews they want to talk about hockey, not their relationship! but the league hates to see gays winning

i’ve seen people speculating that they chose hunter specifically as a jab about the matthew marner contract negotiations. this was probably all finalized before rozanov got outed, but it’s a TERRIBLE look given that context, even if it was unintentional.

no honestly i think it’s a valid fear :( i wouldn’t even put it past them to cancel the whole thing

omg, they wouldnt would they??? they’d lose out on so much $$$, surely thats worse than having *gasp* gay players

idk on the other hand what if the freaks (heterosexual men) threaten a boycott

roger crowell i am in your walls and i am not afraid to start fucking w ur insulation and wiring

he’s a little confused but he’s got the spirit #LETTHEMPLAY

Are you talking about me? Their personal lives are none of my business and have nothing to do with the fact that they’re the two best players the league has seen in at least a decade. I like to watch good hockey. Nothing confusing about it.

honestly, respect

i hear you but it would be PEAK crowell to not let them play. look at all the fuckery about ryan price going two years ago!!

and it would be especially egregious this time because it’s the two best hockey players of our generation instead of my emotional support fourth liner

Thank fuck.

omg who was annoying enough to get them to release this. a hero of our time. either that or they’re locked in scrolling hockeytwt.

it was me (famously inside crowell’s walls)

good work, comrade. continue chewing on his wiring.

crowell when two of his players are happy and in love

im also not that happy but i guess this is better than the whole thing getting canceled or w/e

oh my god dude how much evidence do you NEED they play such good hockey against each other, they’re not throwing games

im trying to watch hockey, not gay shit

Sjöberg and Zeman kissed on the mouth LAST WEEK

that wasnt gay that was just a celly. you sound so stupid rn.

i’m going to be watching that clip of shane scoring and ilya kissing his helmet every day for the rest of time holy shit

holy shit hahaha WELCOME!!!! lemme think abt it and get back to u!

when he admitted afterwards that he’d never even tried it before….. buddy, you can’t just pull off a trick shot on your first go in the middle of a game lmaooooo

i guess in his defence the asg barely counts as a game

but the tv cameras sure do count as cameras

skill issue, other players just need to fall in love with each other so they can access whatever magic married hollanov have going.

now obviously we have extremely compelling evidence that Holl*nder and Roz*nov DO exchange tender blowjobs after playing each other but we also have proof that P*ke cannot stop fucking his wife without a condom and that’s never stopped us before!!!!

now it’s time for me to write a 24-35-81 sandwich because i hadn’t even considered it before but now you bet

“we also have proof that P*ke cannot stop fucking his wife without a condom" so someone finally produced the dna test results? i would like to see it.gif

jesus christ

seeing the way they look at each other now that they don’t have to hide it anymore has made it even clearer that i certainly was *not* imagining things all those years. if u walk with me i can show you that same look (but subtler) going back a longggg way!

idk i’m still unconvinced tbqh. roz has been so openly affectionate all over sm and hollander’s mostly been snarky back and pretty much silent otherwise. i just kinda think maybe hollander thought it would be good for his image to step in to make sure roz didn’t get deported idk

no offense but r u on crack?? yeah im sure shane hollander came out as gay in a homophobic sport and married his rival bc it would be “good for his image"...

i bet you $$ that crowell’s spent every hour since they dropped the wedding post trying to find a way to legally throw them out of the mlh. can we pls be serious.

THIS and also did you fucking *see* shane’s face in those wedding photos??????? you think he looked like that bc he was excited about the incoming career benefits???? LOL?????!!

i’m fucking scream-laughing at this tweet. ARE CAMPBELL AND GIRARD LEGALLY MARRIED???????

is anyone going to tell him about grilled cheesebell being the third most popular hrpf ship on ao3…….

they're fourth now, hollanov overtook them

all the discourse about hollander & rozanov's relationship timeline, the perceived unevenness of their posting, the deadspin photos, etc. has been overshadowing what's actually important about their wedding, which is that they have forced a reckoning with the homophobia of hockey culture and simultaneously made the sport better for every future queer kid who wants to play (all my serious hockey mutuals leave the room) if hollanov was a firetruck it would be the biggest one in the world

71

omg i need an icon of that beach pic STAT

ur telling me 🥵

guys sssshhhhhh ur gonna make hollander jealous and he won’t post any more pics!!!!!!

same for me w/ ilya. i’m even going to watch some centaurs games 💀wishing him and hollander the best!!

okay thank god, is this finally a safe space for me to admit that they look hot as fuck together? holy shit 🥵

the self-righteousness i’ve been feeling watching ppl finally realize this cannot be overstated

all the stupid discoursing has been distracting us all from what’s really important: getting as many competition-based orgasm denial hollanov fics posted on AO3 as humanly possible. chop chop everyone we have a lot of lost time to make up for

ok so i was going to get pissy at u guys for objectifying shane when i was innocently expressing happiness that he’s found true love. but then i thought about this scenario for a few mins too long and tripped and fell and uhhhhh https://archiveofourown.org/works/77604736

1) i am sincerely really happy for them, it’s so obvious that they’re crazy about each other 💖 2) holy shit you’re my hero