Rating:

Teen And Up Audiences

Archive Warning:

No Archive Warnings Apply

Category:

M/M

Fandoms:

Heated Rivalry (TV), Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid, Game Changers | Heated Rivalry - All Media Types

Relationships:

Shane Hollander/Ilya Rozanov, Shane Hollander & Ottawa Centaurs Team Ensemble & Ilya Rozanov, Shane Hollander & Montreal Voyageurs | Montreal Metros Team Ensemble, montreal - Relationship

Characters:

Shane Hollander, Ilya Rozanov, Ottawa Centaurs WAGs Ensemble (Game Changers), Ottawa Centaurs Team Ensemble (Game Changers), Montreal Voyageurs | Montreal Metros Team Ensemble (Game Changers), Cliff Marlow | Cliff Marleau, Yuna Hollander

Additional Tags:

Social Media, Post-Book 6: The Long Game (Game Changers), POV Outsider, Press and Tabloids, Twitter, Married Shane Hollander/Ilya Rozanov, light homophobia that is promptly dunked on, discussions of fandom racism, Discourse, the it-girl shane hollander agenda, OCs - Freeform, inspired by kevonstage

Language:

English

Series:

Part 12 of Out On The Town

Stats:

Published: 2026-07-30 Completed: 2026-10-01 Words: 5,446 Chapters: 5/5

Sorry (Original Demo)

Summary

Puck Buzz @puckbuzzgossip
Panic! At the Bell Centre! The Montreal Metros miss the playoffs for the second season in a row. Experts and fans are wondering: what’s happening in Montreal? We asked our experts: Link

-or-

Who's getting ready for the playoffs?

Notes

This chapter is shorter because the next one is longer, and this is where the cut fell. It's a balance, yaknow?

Chapter 1

Puck Buzz @puckbuzzgossip

Panic! At the Bell Centre! The Montreal Metros miss the playoffs for the second season in a row. Experts and fans are wondering, what’s happening in Montreal? We asked our experts: Link

↳Its Metros 4 Lyfe @montrealmetrosfan1996

@MontrealMetros yo what the fuck?

↳Suffering Montreal Fan @gometrosgoiguess

I know what God wants. He wants me to kill my fuckin’s self. That’s why he gave me a fucked up life.

↳Metros Babe ❤️💙 @bleedredandblue

I’m revoking my hatred of RPF to tell Hayden Pike to get in the MF’n field!!! 🗣🗣🗣🗣

↳↳It’s Metros or Bust @origsixmets

Pike had his chance and fumbled. We gotta tag someone else in.

↳↳↳Metro’s Bby Girl @callmeshayla

Is no one on the Metros slinging more than 8 inches??? 😭😭😭😭 

↳Sal’s Shop 🚗 @mrfixit617

This beta fuckin team

↳↳💪🔥 @gymratwestside

Room fulla cucks I swear

↳↳↳Metro Man 🔴🔵 @neutralzonenick

Bro how was the gay guy the only fuckin’ Alpha?

↳↳↳↳Ex Montreal Stan @imonlyhereforhollander

@grok order brain bleach and block everyone in this thread

Hollander’s #1 Girl @allabout24

Shout out to my Alpha Chad Alternate Captain Shane Hollander 😤😤

↳Pour it Up @bostonbgirl

Ooooh but I thought Hollander was soft??????

Shane Hollander’s left tit @lilylaughsart

Was Shane a control freak or was he the one holding that shit together? 🤨

Shilya’s Bush @lolaboutjaney

If you’re in the queue for a Shane Hollander vindication arc—STAY IN LINE!!!

↳Anya’s secret sister @allaboutthepuck

HollaNation Stocks back up after the #tripgate crash 🙂‍↕️

↳↳Shelly 🏒 @gearheadgirl  

I knew my boy wouldn’t let me down

Ra Ra Rozanov🐻@mrsraiders81 

I know Rozy opened twitter this morning and laughed

↳Its Hole-ander actually @hollalujah

Straight giggling and kicking his feet

↳↳hollanov on top @itsashutout46

“Babe, come look at this!” 😹

↳↳↳Cents Stan @centsoncentsoncents

@realIlyaRozanov and @YunaHollander24 clinking mimosa glasses together rn

caecilia 🙂@caellysworld

Metros out of the playoffs guys guys my sewer slide is postponed

↳caecilia 🙂@caellysworld

✨life is worth living✨

Metro Man 🔴🔵 @neutralzonenick

Yeah haha let’s all laugh at the people who love and support their team 

↳Cents and Centsability @goodgollymissmolly 

Yes, let’s 🫵😆

Metro’s Babe ❤️💙 @bleedredandblue

Cens fans laughing like their team didn’t just get good 🙄

↳let my cens fight @censgoaliestan 

And we smokin’ on that Metros pack tonight!!!

Ex Montreal Stan @imonlyhereforhollander

‘Til next time boys *wipes hands*

Image Insert 1:

[A photo of an altar adorned with candles, herbs, dried flowers, and several spell jars containing broken glass, hot sauce, and visibly damaged photos of Metros’ players and staff.]

↳No It IS That Serious 🏒 @hockeyismylife46

And if I said it actually is that serious????

↳↳Shilya’s Bush @lolaboutjaney

We have a picture of Shane Hollander on our family altar I get it

↳↳↳Dream Girl 🌈@dreamgurlevul

My tia lights a candle for him every game day no bs

↳NYC Queen 🗽 @itsjustjess35

Wait girl you take requests????? Let me dm

Suffering Montreal Fan @gometrosgoiguess

Dubois gotta put Hollander on his back and carry him up that mountain to break the curse atp

Ottawa Centaurs @OttawaCentaurs

It’s official! Playoffs here we come!

Image Insert 1:

[A stylized locker room celebration photo overlaid with the text “CLINCHED.”] 

↳⚜️ Fly Lis Fly ⚜️ @mightymetrosgo

Someone gotta homewreck that marriage i swear

↳Boston Strong💪 @charlieguy1776

So the metros fumble and now we all gotta suffer??? How's that fair???

↳Metros Babe ❤️💙 @bleedredandblue

Idc if they’re homophobic somebody gotta take one for the team 

↳↳Boiziau’s Baby Mama @JJBrescueme

Shane Hollander's hot as fuck i refuse believe that not one of the Metros has at least THOUGHT about it

↳↳↳It’s Metros or Bust @origsixmets

Don't shoot but this is the play the metros should be working on. Hire a buff hot blonde and aim him at Hollander.

↳↳↳↳Metro’s Bby Gifl @callmeshayla0

Lord knows they don't have anything else going for them @henritheriault

Its Metros 4 Lyfe @montrealmetrosfan1996

@Real_ShaneHollander what do you want bruh? A raise? Some hoes? A mansion?

↳Metro’s Bby Girl @callmeshayla

Like, dada come home I’ll suck it myself

↳↳missing the Holz @metros4hollanov

AYO???

↳↳Anya’s secret sister @allaboutthepuck

Pause

↳↳Suffering Montreal Fan @gometrosgoiguess

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us

Boston FTW @raidersforthwin

Cliff Marleau 🫱🏼‍🫲🏻 Hayden Pike Fumbling the franchise when it counted most

Chapter 2

Chapter Notes

Did yall know you're supposed to cut cutwaters with water? Like each can is supposed to be 2 drinks?? Baby, I throw those back like a shot. Enjoy the fruits of my labor lmaooooo.

And pour a lemon drop cutwater for me!

The REAL Metropolis

Drapeau: This shit has officially gotten outta hand

Drapeau: Link: [Revisiting the End of an Era: How the Metros Move Forward Without Their Star]

Drapeau: Link: [So, You’ve Killed Your Golden Goose. What Now?]

Drapeau: Link: [The Shane Hollander Fumble]

Drapeau: Link: [Re-Tooling the Metros: Who Stays and Who Goes?]

Olsson: We gotta be joking right?

Gagnon: This is a fuckin disaster

Stedlund: Why the fuck am i still hearing about hollander????? 

Stedlund: Its been fuckin years!!!

Laine: I swear hes doing this shit on purpose

Coulliard: Or his fuckin mom

Schneider: Planting a fake fuckin hate campaign

Coulliard: Buying fuckin bots an shit

Comeau: Everyone acting like Hollander’s not sucking off the refs before every game

Drapeau: Shit Barett too

Gagnon: Whole team full of ****

Koch: Who would’ve thought you could suck and fuck your way to a cup 🤣

Olsson: Explains scott hunter 🙄

Laine: Man when’s the commish gonna handle this shit??

Laine: It’s fucking embarrassing

Dubois: God you’re all exhausting

The Metropolis

Dubois: Now that our season has officially ended, I wanted to let you all know that I will not be re-signing with the Metros org next season

Dubois: I’ve had a wonderful time working and playing with each of you

Olsson: Bro fuck all the way off

-.-.-

Hock-Tea😈 @HockTeaGossip

🚨Rumor Alert 🚨

Word on the street says William Dubois wants OUT of Montreal! Let’s talk trades, optics, and the rumors of a Hollander curse 👀

↳Boston FTW @raidersforthwin

Alexa play another one bites the dust 🤧

↳Shelly 🏒 @gearheadgirl  

Bro what is going on in the metros lockerroom its like they WANT to lose

↳Metros Babe ❤️💙 @bleedredandblue

We're losing Dubois somehow this is Ottawa's fault I know it!!

↳MetrosBarb 🩷 @hailtothequeen 

Roc Nation is behind this I’m telling you. Jay-z is trying to buy the Centaurs 

↳↳MetrosBarb 🩷 @hailtothequeen 

Ottawa Centaurs you will CRUMBLE

↳↳↳Shane Hollander’s left tit @lilylaughsart

NURSEEEEEE THEY’VE ESCAPED

↳↳↳Shilya’s Bush @lolaboutjaney

That’s enough coke, babe you sound insane

↳Anya’s secret sister @allaboutthepuck

Someone make an edit of Shane as Persephone and Dubois as Eurydice 

↳↳missing the Holz @metros4hollanov

Do yall LIKE being sad?????

-.-.-

Tea Time 🫖 @itsteatimewithj

Exclusive! 👀 Our sources have provided a very intimate look into the Metros secret group chat to answer the question we’ve all been thinking: what is going on in Montreal??? Click through to see receipts: LINK

-.-.-

Ilya Rozanov and Harris Drover's Text Thread

Harris: Keep Shane offline

Ilya: ? Sure

Ilya: will be easy

Harris: Right. Wrong problem.

Shane Hollander and Harris Drover’s Text Thread

Harris: Keep Ilya offline

Shane: Sure

Shane: Want me to kill the Nemean Lion too while I’m at it?

Harris: If anyone can do it it’s you ♥️

Shane: 🙄

-.-.-

No It IS That Serious 🏒 @hockeyismylife46

Uh…have yall seen this

Image Insert 1:

[A screenshot taken from the “The REAL Metropolis” group chat]

↳CensTruther @censforrealforreal

WHY do they care so much that Shane is gay??? Bruh is that slapshot straight????

↳↳Cap or Fact 🧢 @jockeddown

Most reliable player on FanDuel and they expect me to give a fuck who hes fuckin??? He keeps hittin that over and he can fuck my dad what are we doin’????

↳Its Metros 4 Lyfe @montrealmetrosfan1996

The metros have such an obsession bro we have bigger fish to fry FOCUS

↳Pour it Up @bostonbgirl

Hollzy leading in the scoring race….idk, slay queen

↳↳Boston FTW @raidersforthwin

😭😭😭

↳It’s Metros or Bust @origsixmets

This absolutely cannot be real 

↳Suffering Montreal Fan @gometrosgoiguess

Whole lotta grown men wondering about how another grown man sucks and fucks 🤨

-.-.-

Cens “Adult” Group Chat

Troy: Lock it down - Harris

Bood: 🫡

Hayes: I saw. Will do.

Dykstra: ????

Dykstra: Nvm. Just saw the DM

Haas: Does the org have a plan?

Troy: Working on it - Harris

Troy: Right now, no posts, no press, no response - Harris

Bood: Copy

-.-.-

missing the Holz @metros4hollanov

Shane Hollander apparently burned the crops of every Metros player even the ones he’s never met 🙄

-.-.-

Scott Hunter and Shane Hollander’s Text Thread

Scott: You okay?

Shane: Sure

Scott: Right

-.-.-

Kip Grady-Hunter @KipOnMyShoulder

🏆🤨

Image Insert 1: 

[A photo of Scott Hunter celebrating his 2017 Stanley Cup win.]

Image Insert 2: 

[A photo taken from Scott Hunter and Kip Grady’s wedding: Both can be seen smiling, surrounded by friends and family.]

↳NYC Queen 🗽 @itsjustjess35

Kip said suckin and fuckin WHO????

↳↳ Scott Hunter’s Dirty Jock @claradelune

Exactly

↳Salute to the Admirals 🫡 @bigapple1991

iktr

Metros Babe ❤️💙 @bleedredandblue

so what i’m struggling to understand is….why aint the metros suckin and fuckin if it’s that easy????

Shilya’s Bush @lolaboutjaney

The concept of Shane Hollander having pussy so good…he’s won four Stanley Cups and is gonna win a 5th

↳No It IS That Serious 🏒 @hockeyismylife46

The way I would never shut up about it if I was him

caecilia 🙂@caellysworld

Alexa play WAP by Cardi B and Megan Thee Stallion

↳Anya’s secret sister @allaboutthepuck

I can do you one better

Playlist Insert 1: 

Suffering Montreal Fan @gometrosgoiguess

Remember when they wanted #tripgate investigated? Are we gonna investigate #pussygate next??

↳Shilya’s Bush @lolaboutjaney

#sucknfuckgate

↳↳Dream Girl 🌈@dreamgurlevul

ahem…#hollabussygate

↳↳↳let my cens fight @censgoaliestan 

We have all strayed far from the light and glory of god

Hollander’s #1 Girl @allabout24

And when Shane logs in and says “yes, and?” What then?????

NYC Queen 🗽 @itsjustjess35

Metros sound mad he wasn’t #suckinnfuckin them

Cents Stan @centsoncentsoncents

So…has everyone who’s won a cup…sucked….and fucked….

↳Shane Hollander’s left tit @lilylaughsart 

The implications

↳Live Like a King 👑 @itsLAbaby

What the fuck is going on in LA then yall need me to teach a course or????

caecilia 🙂@caellysworld 

I need a list of the best eaters in the league…for science

↳Shane Hollander’s left tit @lilylaughsart

We might have it already *whispers* mvp

Its Hole-ander actually @hollalujah 

Rank the current draft class by their ability to suck and fuck 🖋️📜

No It IS That Serious 🏒 @hockeyismylife46

Get Adam and Eve or Bellesa on the phone w/ yuna hollander immediately

↳ally 🏒 @allywallypally

His mother????

↳↳No It IS That Serious 🏒 @hockeyismyli

Yuna “get the bag" Hollander is a consummate professional 🤧

Dream Girl 🌈@dreamgurlevul

Ilya rozanov waking up to everyone talking about how his man fucks and sucks 😩

↳Shane Hollander’s left tit @lilylaughsart

He finna lock shane in the house

↳↳caecilia 🙂@caellysworld

Don't give him ideas!!!

Ex Montreal Stan @imonlyhereforhollander

Cens pr pointing a glock at Roz as we speak

↳Lashes by Lexi @bostonlashlex

And he’s still considering posting rn i just know he is

↳↳hollanov on top @itsashutout21

Let him speak @OttawaCentaurs!!!

Its Hole-ander actually @hollalujah

So we have direct evidence that shane is better at suckin and fucking than roz right???

↳Cents Stan @centsoncentsoncents

I mean it was 3-1 there for a long time 👀

Boston FTW @ raidersforthwin

Re-downloading grindr so I can shane hollander

↳ally 🏒 @ allywallypally 

Hello????? What does this mean????

Scott Hunter’s Dirty Jock @claradelune

So what you're saying is I could play in the MHL

↳Shilya’s Bush @lolaboutjaney

Hell i could win the cup

Pour it Up @bostonbgirl

@ActuallyCliffMarleau would you like to shane hollander? With me? This weekend?

Cents and Centsability @goodgollymissmolly 

Give cens pr a sniper rifle rn

Ra Ra Rozanov🐻@mrsraiders81 

Using Shane Hollander as a verb for sucking and fucking…

in Lands we trust @duvalthesmall 

Shane hollander as a verb….mercy

Shane Hollander’s left tit @lilylaughsart

Don't kill yourself you may live to see Shane Hollander become a verb

↳Shane Hollander’s left tit @lilylaughsart

Whose job is it to update urban dictionary 

Ride the Rose🌹@landryfanatic 

My man gets home tonight from a work trip…gonna give him the shane hollander 🤭

↳Ex Montreal Stan @imonlyhereforhollander

DELETE

No It IS That Serious🏒 @hockeyismylife46

Shane Hollander’d last week. Left with a sparkle in my eye 😌

No It IS That Serious🏒 @hockeyismylife46

It’s very LOUD on the creek this week

↳ Jelly Belly @gearheadbi

Shane’s never gonna speak to us again

Anya’s secret sister @allaboutthepuck

Ilya Rozanov giving Shane the shane hollander rn

↳Cents Stan @centsoncentsoncents

As we speak actually

↳↳Shilya’s Bush @lolaboutjaney

God I wish that were me

Metro’s Bby Girl @callmeshayla

You’re telling me…fifty-eleven children later and Hayden Pike can’t suck OR fuck???

↳Boiziau’s Baby Mama @JJBrescueme

@mrsjackiepike sista, what is going on??

Chapter 3

Chapter Notes

Baby, this semester started, and the babies can't read. And by babies, I'm referring to grad students. Repeat: The Babies Can't Read. And then get mad when profs don't handhold, baby, you're 25 😬

Anyway Imma keep raising that chapter count as the muse keeps whispering in my brain idc idc

Rose🌹@RoseLandry

Ok, I'll bite…. What does it mean to Shane Hollander? 🤔

↳Ride the Rose🌹@landryfanatic 

Shut this shit down IMMEDIATELY

↳in Lands we trust @duvalthesmall 

Chat if Rose has seen this…she def sent it to Shane…

↳hollanov on top @itsashutout46

I hope you know Ilya Rozanov has sent bombs to the homes of every member if Hollanov twt

↳↳Cents Stan @centsoncentsoncents

Hypothetically if everyone had one last thing to say to your families right now…

↳Hollander’s #1 Girl @allabout24

Shane reading all of this and clutching his pearls 😩

MHL @MHL 

The MHL is aware of recent complaints and accusations against the organization regarding bribery of officials, cheating, and potential alterations to game outcomes. At this time, the organization has not found any credible evidence to support these claims and does not believe further investigation is warranted. The MHL holds all its partners and players to the highest standards of honesty and integrity and hopes our fans will join us in supporting our endeavors going forward.

↳Its Hole-ander actually @hollalujah

Somebody had to write this btw

↳↳Cents Stan @centsoncentsoncents

Somebody had to sit down and type this up. Had to write that, no, you in fact NOT suck and/or fuck your way to a cup.

↳Dream Girl 🌈@dreamgurlevul

Look what yall did 😭

↳↳Shilya’s Bush @lolaboutjaney

Shane Hollander’d too close to the sun 😩

National Organization for Sexual Health @NOSH

If you're gonna Shane Hollander this weekend, we remind you to do so safely. 🤭😉 For more tips on taking charge of your sexual self and sexual health visit us at: Link

↳Shilya’s Bush @lolaboutjaney

NOT NOW!!!! 😩

↳No It IS That Serious 🏒 @hockeyismylife46

@YunaHollander24 mama we’re really in it now 

Suffering Montreal Fan @gometrosgoiguess

Now that we've gotten the jokes off we have to talk about the Metros right? 

↳Shane Hollander’s left tit @lilylaughsart

Seriously. maybe I’m too woke but implying that the only reason the gay asian player wins games is because he either cheats or fucks….hmmmm

↳↳No It IS That Serious 🏒 @hockeyismylife46

No wake this up because huhhhh

↳↳↳Its Hole-ander actually @hollalujah

Also it’s an insult to their own game??? Y'all are so bad at hockey your captain had to lay down for you to win????

↳Sal’s Shop 🚗 @mrfixit617

Woke mob at it again 🙄 they were obviously joking

↳↳Anya’s secret sister @allaboutthepuck 

Were they?????

↳↳↳Cents Stan @centsoncentsoncent

Hahaha well they joked themselves out of a second star center sooooooo

↳Ex Montreal Stan @imonlyhereforhollander

Something something fetishization and tokenization of East Asian men

↳↳⚜️ Fly Lis Fly ⚜️ @mightymetrosgo

Shane’s barely asian wym??

↳↳↳Ex Montreal Stan @imonlyhereforhollander

Oh so we’re really not being serious today okay

↳↳↳Its Hole-ander actually @hollalujah

Not Asian when he’s a victim of racism but definitely Asian when the metros need diversity points right right 

↳↳↳hollanov on top @itsashutout2 

Half the shit he gets from the league is anti asian shit bro come onnnn 😩

↳↳↳↳ally 🏒 @allywallypally

Like d***** k*** literally said he didn't want to catch covid from Shane like what do we think he meant by that???

Cents and Centsability @goodgollymissmolly 

The Metro’s obsession with Shane Hollander needs to be studied

↳Anya’s secret sister @allaboutthepuck 

The team, the staff, the front office, the fans, the media….Shane Hollander stay out of Montreal….avoid unnecessary journeys…

↳let my cens fight @censgoaliestan

Like it’s been almost two seasons…and yall are still talking about shane

↳Shilya’s Third @lolaboutjaney

Alexa play obsessed by Mariah Carey 

↳↳Its Hole-ander actually @hollalujah

Obsessed by Olivia Rodrigo 

↳↳↳Suffering Montreal Fan @gometrosgoiguess

Obsessed by Addison Rae

↳↳↳↳Shilya’s Third @lolaboutjaney

Well, No!

Ottawa Centaurs @OttawaCentaurs

The only “Shane Hollander-ing” we do here is scoring goals 🤷🏒🏆

Video Insert 1:

[A dynamically edited compilation of Shane Hollander-Rozanov scoring goals for the Ottawa Centaurs.]

↳ally 🏒 @allywallypally

Look what yall did

↳Anya’s secret sister @allaboutthepuck

Cens PR said ENOUGH!!

↳↳Its Hole-ander actually @hollalujah

Centaurus PR windmilling in the corner right now 

↳Shelly 🏒 @gearheadgirl 

look what y'all did look what you made them do 

↳↳Cents and Centsability @goodgollymissmolly 

none of us are free of sin I've seen your Twitter likes 

↳caecilia 🙂@caellysworld

I know Cens’ PR was screaming crying throwing up when they saw Shane Hollander-ing trending and it was about sucking and f******

↳↳Hollander’s #1 Girl @allabout24

And they can't even blame roz this time

↳↳↳Its Hole-ander actually @hollalujah

Cens Pr: “I have never in my life yelled at a fan like this! We were rooting for you! We were all rooting for you!”

↳Shane Hollander’s left tit @lilylaughsart

Y'all are laughing. There’s a Cens PR manager keeping a gun trained on Roz while also sniping fans @OttawaCentaurs give them a raise!!!

↳↳Shane Hollander’s left tit @lilylaughsart

Not @Troy_Barret_Official liked this tweet

-.-.-

Harris Drover and Troy Barrett's Text Thread 

Harris: Troy!!

Harris: What did I say!!

Troy: You deserve a raise.

-.-.-

Ilya Rozanov and Harris Drover's Text Thread 

Ilya: Why do you want me silenced?

Harris: I do not have capacity for you right now. 

Harris: Where’s Shane?

Ilya: Asleep

Harris: Please join him

Harris: If you give me extra work Ilya so help me god

Harris: So help YOU god

-.-.-

Ilya Rozanov-Hollander @realIlyaRozanov 

Someone explain the joke to me

↳Shilya’s Bush @lolaboutjaney

Pack it up IMMEDIATELY

↳No It IS That Serious 🏒 @hockeyismylife46

Oh he’s not laughing

↳Anya’s secret sister @allaboutthepuck

Dad came home and flipped on the light switch

↳caecilia 🙂@caellysworld

IDK maybe he really wants to know the answer?

↳↳Dream Girl 🌈@dreamgurlevul

Sure, girl you go ahead and tell him

↳Ra Ra Rozanov🐻@mrsraiders81 

Nobody moves, he can’t see us if we don’t move!!

↳↳Hollander Whore @alwaysfor24

Wave a flare in his face and then throw it.

Ilya Rozanov-Hollander @realIlyaRozanov 

@MontrealMetros explain the joke to me please English is my second language

↳caecilia 🙂@caellysworld

Oh!! 

↳Cents Stan @centsoncentsoncents

Right to the source @OttawaCentaurs he’s escaped!!!

↳Ex Montreal Stan @imonlyhereforhollander

There’s a metros’ intern staring at their phone and they’re so fuckin scared right now

Ilya Rozanov-Hollander @realIlyaRozanov 

@RealDrapeau @GilComeauOfficial @CarterStedlund42 @BryanKoch What’s funny? “Suck and Fuck” You need me to teach a course?

↳Hollander’s #1 Girl @allabout24 

Roz you gotta put the phone down

↳↳Shelly 🏒 @gearheadgirl 

No! Let him speak!!

↳Its Hole-ander actually @hollalujah

Well @MontrealMetros the man asked a question…we’re waiting

↳Cents Stan @centsoncentsoncents

King i love you but can we lock in for playoffs 😩

↳↳Boston FTW @ raidersforthwin

I fear this IS him locked in for playoffs

↳↳↳Pour it Up @bostonbgirl 

Right like Rozy with a grudge is locked in Rozy

Ilya Rozanov-Hollander @realIlyaRozanov 

Both terrible at hockey and in bed? You admit this? Willingly? @OnlyBridgetteBouchard @AmelieDrapeau @JustineKoch @ViviOlsson @StellaLandum you accept this? I know many players who would not embarrass you this way.

↳Ilya Rozanov-Hollander @realIlyaRozanov 

@VictoireGagnon @EvangalineCouillard @JustineTheriault @JaquelineTheriault @LouisaDesjardins

↳CensTruther @censforrealforreal

Tagging Comeau and Laine’s Ex-Wives pls Ilya those women already knowwwwwwww

↳Anya’s secret sister @allaboutthepuck

Not the Rozanov matchmaking service oh yall really pissed him off

↳Suffering Montreal Fan @gometrosgoiguess

Theriault’s Wife and Daughter: “now why are WE in it??”

↳↳Boiziau’s Baby Mama @JJBrescueme

Imagine checking your mentions and BOOM Ilya Rozanov 😭

-.-.-

Shane Hollander and Harris Drover’s Text Thread

Harris: Shane!

Harris: Shane wake up!!

Harris: Shane please take his phone!!

Harris: Shane I’m getting phone calls!!!!!!

-.-.-

Yuna Hollander and Harris Drover’s Text Thread

Harris: Can you please go over and take Ilya’s phone. 

Harris: I can’t reach Shane

Yuna: I have been informed that I sometimes “overreach” so I’m staying out of this one

Yuna: Good luck, Harris

Yuna: Red or White? 🍷

Harris: FUCK

Harris: Red 😩

Yuna: Yuna Hollander has shared a voucher with you for a free bottle of our signature Cabernet….

-.-.-

Patrice Drapeau @RealDrapeau

Keep my wife’s name out of your fucking mouth @realIlyaRozanov 

↳It’s Metros or Bust @origsixmets

Finally, someone tells him to stfu

↳Metros Babe ❤️💙 @bleedredandblue

Oh so someone on the team still does have balls. Maybe all is not lost

↳Ilya Rozanov-Hollander @realIlyaRozanov 

But you can’t keep my husband’s name out of yours?

↳↳let my cens fight @censgoaliestan 

Oh the girls are fighting on main YIKES

↳No It IS That Serious 🏒 @hockeyismylife46

Drapeau speaks with the confidence of a man with a much stronger hairline

↳↳No It IS That Serious 🏒 @hockeyismylife46

Roz, they’re gonna yell at you for liking this tweet but know I salute you 🫡

Ilya Rozanov-Hollander @realIlyaRozanov 

Only @RealDrapeau can speak to me? And not even in person? Is okay. You can explain the joke to me when I see you next season @MontrealMetros

↳caecilia 🙂@caellysworld

And that’s that on that!!

↳Hollyander 🌱 @plantsandpucks

Of course he’s making something Shane’s going through about himself

↳↳Free24_NOW @deportRozanov 

Shane must be so embarrassed 😩 and here goes Roz making it worse AS USUAL

↳↳↳Ilya Rozanov-Hollander @realIlyaRozanov 

Didn’t my husband block you? 🤨

↳↳↳↳Shilya’s Bush@lolaboutjaney

Get her Jade!!!

Chapter 4

Chapter Notes

I have no excuse other than I've gained a head full of gray hairs this semester. The kids really wanna fuck the robots, guys. And they really wanna talk about it in my family/couples counseling class. Someone also couldn't spell "heroic," and I had to lie down in a bog for the last 30 days.

Anyway...enjoy. I'm gonna go smoke a cigarette.

Montreal Metros @MontrealMetros

We here at the Montreal Metros are aware of recent statements made by members of our organization in a private group chat, not associated with, and unknown to, our infrastructure. The opinions and views expressed in these conversations do not reflect those of the Metros Organization, and we strongly condemn the language used. We proudly reaffirm our commitment to building a diverse, equitable, and inclusive environment. 1/2

Montreal Metros @MontrealMetros

Along with this, we also must condemn the choice of certain detractors to involve family members of Metros’ players and staff who have never asked to be involved. We again extend our heartfelt thanks to our former Captain, Shane Hollander, for his many years of service, steadfast leadership, and the integrity he brought to the role and continues to bring to the sport as a whole. 2/2

↳missing the Holz @metros4hollanov

Metros slobbin on it ain't they?

↳↳Suffering Montreal Fan @gometrosgoiguess

I was about to say the same shit

↳↳↳Boiziau’s Baby Mama @JJBrescueme

His integrity and his poise and his leadership and his big brown eyes and his freckles and his award-winning smile and his juicy ass–

↳Its Metros 4 Lyfe @montrealmetrosfan1996

You know you can @ him right? Or are you scared?

↳Shilya’s Bush @lolaboutjaney

Oh, Yuna Hollander tore someone a new hole, huh?

-.-.-

Ilya Rozanov and Harris Drover's Text Thread

Harris: Ilya Rozanov put the phone down, I swear to God. 

Harris: LOG OUT

Ilya: I can't ask questions now? Is a free country, no?

Harris: When I get put on a blood pressure medication you WILL be paying for it.

Ilya: Send me your venmo

Harris: ILYA

-.-.-

Bryan and Justine Koch’s Text Thread

Justine: You're just gonna let him talk about me like that?

Koch: What do you want me to do? 

Justine: I don't know?  

Justine: Anything??

Justine: You already helped cost the team a star center, and now you can't even stand up for your wife?

Koch: Too fucking far Justine

Justine: You're a loser. Oh my god, I married a loser. 

Justine: My mother was right.

Koch: I'm going through a lot of shit right now and you want to add to it??

Justine: You're about to be going through a divorce if you keep fucking embarrassing me

Justine: Figure it out

-.-.-

Bryan Koch @BryanKoch71

Shut the fuck up Rozanov. Nobody wants to hear this shit. Whine to someone else.

↳Ilya Rozanov-Hollander @realIlyaRozanov 

You're 5'7” maybe get a stepstool before you talk to me. Btw tell Justine I said hi

↳↳Cents Stan @centsoncentsoncents

ROZ

↳↳Anya’s secret sister @allaboutthepuck

Roz you can’t say that!

Boston FTW @ raidersforthwin

Look what y’all did. Y’all woke Boston Roz™ up out his sleep 

↳Boston FTW @ raidersforthwin

Don't let the farmer's markets and cute dog fool you, Roz has always been a problem

↳Pour it Up @bostonbgirl 

He moved to the suburbs, and folks thought shit was sweet 😭

↳↳let my cens fight @censgoaliestan 

Right, he married a man, and they said that made him soft BABES, that man will KILL you

↳Shilya’s Third @lolaboutjaney

Playing with Roz has always been playing with your life

↳No It IS That Serious 🏒 @hockeyismylife46

Roz letting the new gens know where that reputation came from

↳Shelly 🏒 @gearheadgirl

@Real_ShaneHollander!!

Carter Stedlund @CarterStedlund42

We get it Rozanov. You’re a dick. No need to keep hitting below the belt.

↳Ilya Rozanov-Hollander @realIlyaRozanov 

Take that hat off Steddy im trying to see you better

↳↳Its Hole-ander actually @hollalujah

Roz you know hes balding at 23 leave him alone 😔 

↳↳Cents Stan @centsoncentsoncents

We getting bully Roz for playoffs?? Everyone say thank you Montreal Metros 

↳↳↳ally 🏒 @allywallypally

Right like go ahead and get the rafters ready for that banner

-.-.-

Cens “Adult” Group Chat

Hayes: Well…no one's talking about Shane anymore 😃

Dykstra: I forgot how much of a menace Roz used to be lmao 

Bood: Someone round up the kids. They need to see this. He's in rare form.

-.-.-

Édouard Gagnon @22Gagnon22

Seems like you have a lot to say from a distance, Roz. You know where to find me.

↳Suffering Montreal Fan @gometrosgoiguess

Aren't you like...third line???

↳↳Jelly Belly @gearheadbi

Right like...does Roz know who you are? DOES SHANE???

↳caecilia 🙂@caellysworld

And when Roz whips you like a stray dog, what then

↳↳Suffering Montreal Fan @gometrosgoiguess

Girl. Rozy would NEVER hurt a dog. A metro? That's another story.

Mathieu Laine @in_my_own_Laine

Remember who has more trophies than you, Rozanov 

↳Ilya Rozanov-Hollander @realIlyaRozanov 

Remember I slapped you like a bitch in 2016 and you cried on national television? We can meet up, and I can make your other cheek match 😘

↳↳Boston FTW @ raidersforthwin

I remember 😰

↳↳↳Pour it Up @bostonbgirl 

Smacked the shit outta him with an open hand; shit was mad disrespectful 

↳↳↳↳It’s Cas not Cass @spnfan1967

The guy from the dogfood ads?????

↳↳↳↳↳Pour it Up @bostonbgirl 

Lmao is that where you know the captain and star of the Ottawa Centaurs from?? The dog food ads on insta??

Suffering Montreal Fan @gometrosgoiguess

I just want to remind you all that Hayden Pike is currently holding up his friendship bracelet from Shane like a shield 

↳Hollander’s #1 Girl @allabout24

Hiding like there's raptors in the kitchen 

Ra Ra Rozanov🐻@mrsraiders81 

Roz crashing out over Shane is kinda 🫦

↳Shilya’s Third @lolaboutjaney

No it’s def hot in here 🥵

Ilya Rozanov-Hollander @realIlyaRozanov 

My husband is awake now. Behave yourselves.

↳hollanov on top @itsashutout2 

Well

↳↳Ex Montreal Stan @imonlyhereforhollander 

Shane waking up to this mess 🧍🏻‍♂️

↳Cents Stan @centsoncentsoncents

Everyone rushing to clean up their footprint so dada doesn’t block them 😣

↳↳Hollander’s #1 Girl @allabout24

He’s gonna block you for this

Shane Hollander-Rozanov @Real_ShaneHollander

Sweat and product really build up during playoffs. That’s why I use the Cécred Detoxifying Shampoo to keep my hair maintained during the season and beyond. Use my code Hollander24 for a discount on cecred.com #ad #cecredpartner #sponsored  

↳Cents and Centsability @goodgollymissmolly 

Shane “the bag never stops” Hollander 

↳↳No It IS That Serious 🏒 @hockeyismylife46

That's Yuna’s boy your honor 

↳Suffering Montreal Fan @gometrosgoiguess

I–

↳↳Ex Montreal Stan @imonlyhereforhollander

Posting like roz didn't just threaten to fight a whole other franchise over him

↳↳↳let my cens fight @censgoaliestan 

Aye the check cleared!

-.-.-

Ilya Rozanov and Harris Drover 's Text Thread

Harris: Oh NOW you’re done

Ilya: and I'm not apologizing 😇

-.-.-

Pour it Up @bostonbgirl

Ottawa centers when they remember they signed Boston's biggest bastard and he acts like a bastard 🪨

↳Boston FTW @raidersforthwin

Honestly, he's had a good run of good behavior

↳Ra Ra Rozanov🐻@mrsraiders81 

Look Shane can only do so much

Chapter End Notes

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my side tumblr that's dedicated specifically to fic.
my main tumblr that's all fandom junk.

Also, there's a recent rush of y'all. Who's been snitching??????

Chapter 5: Bonus

Chapter Notes

Made a spiced bourbon cider to celebrate the beginning of October! Semester's almost over! I can see the light!!!

Shane Hollander, Hayden Pike, and JJ Boiziau’s Group Chat

JJ: I had no idea about that shit, Shane. I swear on my life.

JJ: I didn’t know until Dubois told me

JJ: I would’ve shut that shit down.

Shane: I know

Shane: I didn’t think you knew

JJ: It still needed to be said

Hayden: It’s fuckin gross man

Hayden: I gotta get out of here

JJ: Same

Shane: God, I’m so glad that’s not my problem anymore

JJ: Yeah it’s mine now 🙄

Shane: Good luck! Have a good off-season 😂

Hayden: Man, fuck you

Hayden: You guys going back to back?

Shane: I would never speculate

Hayden: Rozanov’s gonna be insufferable

JJ: You’re worried about Rozy….we’re going to hear coach complain for MONTHS

Shane: Promise?

Hayden: 😭😭😭😭😭

HABs Chat

Kip: Shane are you okay? That chat was absolutely disgusting. If you need anything, please know Scott and I are here.

Kyle: Same for Eric and me. 

Kyle: Also, all shade…do straight men not think it’s weird to think so much about how gay men have sex? 🙋

Fabian: Bold of you to assume straight men think at all

Kyle: My bad, you’re right

Fabian: Seriously though, Shane. Whatever you need.

Shane: I’m okay. Disappointed but not surprised.

Fabian: ☹️

Kyle: 🙁

Kip: I’m so angry for you. They must’ve been a nightmare to deal with.

Shane: It’s over now. I’ve made my peace.

Ilya: I haven’t

Ilya: Fuck them 

Ilya: Bastards

-.-.-

Ilya Rozanov and Cliff Marleau's Text Thread

Cliff: Mama Hollzy is gonna cut off your balls, bro

Ilya: She cannot

Ilya: She wants grandchildren

Ilya: How else am I supposed to get Shane pregnant

Cliff: I’m scared you’re serious so I’m not gonna ask

Ilya Rozanov and Troy Barrett's Text Thread

Troy: Log off or I’m gonna kick your ass

Troy: Are you trying to kill Harris????

Troy: Did you just @ the metros??????? DUDE!!!

Troy: Seriously, Ilya

Troy: I’m gonna kick your ass

Ilya: You think you can kick my ass Barrett 😂

Ilya: I would put you through the drywall pretty boy

Ilya: Don’t forget 😈

Ilya: And if I didn’t Shane would

Shane Hollander and Rose Landry’s Text Thread

Rose: Never tell Ilya I said this but he’s funny as fuck

Shane: I know

Shane: He’s such an asshole

Rose: LMAO he’s your asshole

Shane: Yeah he is

Shane Hollander and Harris Drover’s Text Thread

Harris: I have a 12 week old puppy I will drop off at your house right now if you don’t take his phone

Harris: Dog number 2, Shane Hollander. Wreaking havoc on your home.

Harris: He’ll chew up everything!!!

Shane: It sounds like you want me to let Ilya post from my phone too.

Harris: SHANE

Shane: I’m not his keeper

Harris: He can’t threaten another franchise, Shane

Shane: I mean, he kind of already did

Shane: Maybe the Metros should learn to shut the fuck up

Harris: 😩

Shane Hollander and JJ Boiziau’s Text Thread

JJ:  If I asked you to leash him, would you?

JJ: People are crying to me in the groupchat

Shane: If I wanted him leashed he would be

JJ: I’m both deeply envious and deeply annoyed 

Shane: 🤷

-.-.-

It’s a quiet night in their Ottawa home. The lights are warm and dim, the soft sounds of a nature documentary drifting through the air. They’re sitting on the couch in their living room, Shane’s back against the arm with Ilya’s head in his lap. Ilya’s scrolling on his phone, chewing on the strings of his hoodie while Shane runs his fingers through his curls. 

 “Mom’s gonna kill you,” Shane tells him quietly.  He can’t keep the mirth out of his voice despite the warning. He’s already muted his twitter notifications.

“No she won’t,” Ilya says. It comes out muffled around the hoodie string he’s chewing on. His thumbs are tapping purposefully against his phone screen. Typing. Well, Shane tried. “She’s afraid her favorite son will block her again.”

“You’d never block my mom.”

Ilya snorts a laugh and goes back to typing. After a moment, he angles the phone screen for Shane to read.

“Stedlund said something?” He says incredulously. “He’s got a lot of fucking nerve talking about ‘hitting below the belt,” Shane scoffs.

“He doesn’t look familiar. Don’t think I’ve ever been on the ice with him.”

“You wouldn’t remember if you had. You could replace him with a lamp on the ice, and nothing would change. God, he was always so jealous of you. If I didn’t know better, I would’ve thought he had a crush.”

 Ilya laughs so hard, the hoodie string falls out of his mouth.

“Oh?” He asks between snorts of laughter. He’s smiling. 

“Yeah,” Shane continues, “he had a lot of opinions about your hair. Probably because he’s fucking bald.”

Ilya’s smile broadens like he’s been given a gift.

“Is he?”

It’s like handing a baby a grenade. 

“That’s why he wears that beanie all the time,” Shane says. “He’s been balding since he was a rookie.”

“Poor baby,” Ilya says with an exaggerated pout. He's already typing. Maybe Harris really will come over.

“You’re gonna make him cry,” Shane warns, twirling his fingers through Ilya’s curls again.

“Good. He should cry.”

Shane can’t fight the smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. 

Yeah. He should.

Chapter End Notes

Some of you asked if the kids really wanna fuck the robots.

Did I stutter?

I've met so many AI bfs/gfs/theyfs this year that my head is spinning.

my side tumblr that's dedicated specifically to art.
my side tumblr that's dedicated specifically to fic.
my main tumblr that's all fandom junk.