Rating:

Teen And Up Audiences

Archive Warning:

No Archive Warnings Apply

Categories:

F/M, M/M

Fandoms:

Heated Rivalry (TV), Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid

Relationships:

Shane Hollander/Ilya Rozanov, Original Male Character(s)/Original Female Character(s), Original Male Character(s)/Original Male Character(s)

Characters:

Shane Hollander, Ilya Rozanov, Ottawa Centaurs Team Ensemble (Game Changers), Hayden Pike, Cliff Marlow | Cliff Marleau, Carter Vaughn, Montreal Voyageurs | Montreal Metros Team Ensemble (Game Changers), other teams, Roger Crowell, Original Male Character(s), Original Female Character(s)

Additional Tags:

Attempt at understanding hockey, Post-Book 6: The Long Game (Game Changers), Male Friendship, Background Relationships, Mentions of other characters - Freeform, Social Media, Texting Fic, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Montreal gets their just desserts, may be anti-climactic idk, No beta 'cos I'm an alpha: full of defects

Language:

English

Series:

Part 5 of Panic! At The League

Stats:

Published: 2026-03-29 Words: 8,708 Chapters: 1/1

Nothing Regular About This Regular Season

Summary

The 21-22 regular season commences: Montreal gets checked left and right while the rest of the league faces a shiny new Ottawa Centaurs. Spoiler: Montreal doesn't get what they want out of Ottawa.

OR
We get a look into the Cool East Boys' text chain, or as I like to call it, "Daily Lives of Cool East Boys" (yes, from that anime).

Notes

Hello! Life has been a lot to say the least (real life stuff + all the plot bunnies I had), so this one took longer than normal. Plus, the Cool East Boys are so talkative, so this one is longer than my usual (and also sometimes a pain to put together).

I read up on hockey stuff and watched some videos (although the whole Team USA debacle put a strain on that for some time, which may or may also be a reason why I hit pause on writing this 😬), and so hoooopefully, it helped build the narrative here. Some of the stats may look different from real life but I am operating under the assumption that OTT with Hollanov in it is a force to be reckoned with. Please suspend all disbelief, though, until further notice :D

I also spent majority of my life spelling things the British way and using British slangs but I tried to Americanise the words here (man idk why at this point lol) so there might be inconsistencies there, sorry!

October 9, 2021

Charlie Simms (Detroit) 

PRAY FOR ME

Not even for the whole team (our rookie’s so obnoxious he can get fucked idc) BUT

Pray for MEEEE

(😆by all except Charlie)

Cliff Marleau (Boston) 

You’ll be okay

Ross Burton (Tampa)

Thoughts and prayers @Charlie Simms (Detroit)

Plus you might get checked by your man crushes

Does Lindy even know about your hopes???

Charlie Simms (Detroit) 

Ok @Cliff Marleau (Boston) I remember you freaking out about playing against Rozanov that first time

(😆by Ross, Max, Clay, and Carter)

Cliff Marleau (Boston) 

And I got over it 😎

Charlie Simms (Detroit) 

Also @Ross Burton (Tampa) yes duh she wouldn’t have married me if she didn’t know everything about me

Hayden Pike (Montreal) 

Can recommend telling your wife everything about you 

(💯 by Charlie, Max, Harvey, and Dane)

Harvey Hall (Columbus) 

Bruh @Hayden Pike (Montreal) aren’t you worried? 

MTL’s first game is tomorrow

Hayden Pike (Montreal) 

Nah

We’re playing Florida first and Clay said they still have no clue lols

Dane Pearce (Washington) 

Man idk about your teams

But when we came back in September, the training regimen became more intensive

Harvey Hall (Columbus) 

Same

Jake Johnson (Philadelphia)

Yep

Also heard rumours from management re sponsorships and stuff

At least players are not the only ones fucking panicking

They’re playing with our lives too much 😩

(👍 by all except Jake)

Ross Burton (Tampa)

Bro

Gatorade dropped us

We’ve only known to drink Gatorade for decades 😩

Max Boyle (Ottawa) 

[Photo of him holding a Gatorade. In the background is a cooler with a Gatorade logo. Haas can be seen reaching for one.] 

🤙

Ross Burton (Tampa)

Cliff Marleau (Boston) 

Lol

There may or may not have been a speech from our coach to not hold back against…

Certain teams

Ross Burton (Tampa)

I mean the BOS-MTL rivalry is still strong???

Stronger now with what MTL did lol

Carter Vaughn (New York) 

Same here re training

Our only saving grace is we won the Cup last year

Bennett said he’s never been more glad to have retired when he did

(😆 by Alex, Harvey, and Max)

Alex Vega (Buffalo) 

Was just talking to my brother and can confirm

All retirees are so glad to be retired right now

I wish I could soon too

But I am only a very young child 

(❓by Luke)

Luke Medina (New Jersey) 

You’re turning 29 next week stfu

Alex Vega (Buffalo) 

Ok grandpa

Luke Medina (New Jersey) 

I’m 29 as well?!

Charlie Simms (Detroit) 

GUYS FOCUS

We’re playing Ottawa tonight

Someone come clear my browsing history if I die 

(🤢 by Eugene, Dane, and Max)

Eugene Reynolds (Carolina)

Not touching that shit with a 10-foot pole

(😆 by Clay)

Charlie Simms (Detroit) 

I’m trying to talk myself into thinking that since it’s the first regular game

They’re probably going to chill today

@Max Boyle (Ottawa) I SEE YOU READING THESE MESSAGES PLS REASSURE ME

(😆 by all except Charlie and Max)

Max Boyle (Ottawa) 

I can’t

(👎 by all except Max)

Ted Park (Pittsburgh)

Did you forget the last preseason game against FL?

Charlie Simms (Detroit) 

Later that day

Alex Vega (Buffalo) 

What

The

Fuck

Harvey Hall (Columbus) 

Right there with you

This started out so tame

But then the power play happened??????

Clay Gardner (Florida) 

[Video taken from the TV of Rozanov jumping over one of Charlie’s teammates who tripped on his skates as Hollander passes the puck ahead. The viewers thought it was too wide a pass, but it ended up perfectly in Rozanov’s way. The two players didn’t even need to look at each other. Rozanov scores before anyone could even blink. In front of the TV was a silhouette of a well-built man suddenly jumping up and pointing at the TV. An expletive was heard.]

LOL Mike over here going crazy

Cliff Marleau (Boston) 

Who is Mike?

Clay Gardner (Florida) 

Oh our assistant coach

The only one in the coaching staff who saw this deluge coming

Ross Burton (Tampa)

Eugene Reynolds (Carolina)

Literally what the fuck was that

I was going to be smug because the pass was too wide

BUT NO?

IT TURNS OUT

PERFECTLY?

I DO THAT AND MY TEAM WILL KILL ME BECAUSE NO ONE CAN POSSIBLY PICK IT UP THAT QUICKLY

HOW 

HOWWWWW

Hayden Pike (Montreal) 

[Video clip of the power play with Haas having no problems keeping up with Hollanov. One could argue it might be because the other players are too focused on the husbands and Haas was left virtually unguarded.]

That Haas kid they got will be an All-Star in no time btw

(💯 by Ted, Alex, and Ross)

Ted Park (Pittsburgh)

UGH

Literally

How was that kid able to keep up with the hockey husbands???

He is like their son or something

Hayden Pike (Montreal) 

Lol Roz and Shane have basically adopted him so not surprised

Ross Burton (Tampa)

Circling back to that adoption comment later!!! (😆 by Hayden)

We all thought they’re sending out Boodram or Barrett with Hollanov but they sent out Haas?

That power play was risky AF with two vets like that and someone considered a newbie

And yet…

I am so glad Tampa’s not playing till waaaay later

Some time later

Charlie Simms (Detroit) 

I AM FUCKING ALIVE

I LIVED

We lost but

I DID NOT DIE

Ted Park (Pittsburgh)

Cliff Marleau (Boston) 

Were you sad you didn’t get slammed by either Roz or Hollander? 👀

Charlie Simms (Detroit) 

Maybe next game…

Lindy will be so disappointed, too

Ted Park (Pittsburgh)

Charlie, I say this with love

We don’t want to know about your and your wife’s sexual inclinations!!!

Charlie Simms (Detroit) 

Ok grandpa

Ted Park (Pittsburgh)

You are one year older than me!!!

October 13, 2021

Alex Vega (Buffalo) 

My fucking turn tonight

Harvey Hall (Columbus) 

Alex Vega (Buffalo) 

My life is flashing before my eyes and I realised something

I need to shoot my shot with Angelina Jolie

So I did

[Screenshot of Alex’s Instagram message to Angelina Jolie with a “hey 😉”. The screen says ‘delivered’.]

Dane Pearce (Washington) 

That’s so fucking horrible

Not even worth a ‘read’ 🤣

(😆by all except Dane and Alex)

Alex Vega (Buffalo) 

A dying man will do whatever it takes to feel alive one more time!!!

Jake Johnson (Philadelphia)

@Alex Vega (Buffalo) 

Ted Park (Pittsburgh)

In other news

@Clay Gardner (Florida) nice of you to slam Comeau extra hard during your game

@Hayden Pike (Montreal) pls give list of Montreal players to slam against boards, captain is v curious for upcoming game 👀

Carter Vaughn (New York) 

Yes send here 

People in the West are out for blood after seeing Seattle trounced like that

[Screenshot of 5-1 score for Ottawa]

Hayden Pike (Montreal) 

I can not tell you who

Ross Burton (Tampa)

Hayden Pike (Montreal) 

I can NOT

But 

I also can NOT tell you about this link [link attached] 

And I also can NOT tell you that if you click the link, you may see names

Again

I can not tell you these things

Cliff Marleau (Boston) 

Ok

We will NOT be clicking the link

( 👍 by all except Cliff and Hayden)

Alex Vega (Buffalo) 

I’ll see you all on the other side

( 🙏by all except Alex)

Hours later

Eugene Reynolds (Carolina)

Ahahahahahahahahahahaahahaaaaaa

What do you mean Hollander can play wing

Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaaaaaa

Hayden Pike (Montreal) 

Hahahahahahahahahaha

I was his teammate for 10 years

And his best friend

Even I didn’t know

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahah

Luke Medina (New Jersey) 

WE’RE SO FUCKED

FUCK ALL OF MONTREAL

Charlie Simms (Detroit) 

Is

Is Hollanov

Upgrading everybody’s skill????????

DID THEY DEVELOP TELEPATHY

NO ONE IS LOOKING AT EACH OTHER AND THEY CAUGHT THAT

HOW DID BARRETT EVEN CATCH THAT

Hayden Pike (Montreal) 

I’m going to say something that will piss you off more

Luke Medina (New Jersey) 

Impossible at this point

Hayden Pike (Montreal) 

In Montreal, the play was: Pass the puck to Shane

He tried hard to elevate everyone’s play

But in the end, if there’s even a slight hurdle, members would pass to him immediately

And look Shane’s the best player of all time but even that limited his capabilities

It’s all that complacency of he’s the best player out there so…

Charlie Simms (Detroit) 

Are you saying Hollander in Montreal wasn’t peak?!

Ross Burton (Tampa)

Dane Pearce (Washington) 

Oh my goooooodddddddd

And y’all just gave him away??? 

(💯 by all except Dane and Hayden)

Hayden Pike (Montreal) 

Idk man

We established that the team’s fucking stupid

Luke Medina (New Jersey) 

Was watching previous games especially Boston vs Montreal during the height of Hollanov rivalry

Only those two can really face off against each other can’t they?

Even when they were against each other, it’s easy to see they know where the other is by instinct

And now they’re using that telepathy together?!

Eugene Reynolds (Carolina)

Hmmm what was that?

Sorry was too busy counting the time before I could retire!!!

Also why would they show off against Buffalo? It’s BUFFALO!!!!!! 😢

Some more time later

Alex Vega (Buffalo) 

@Eugene Reynolds (Carolina) wow

October 15, 2021

Carter Vaughn (New York) 

Anyone in or near New York on the 20th? 

Holding a watch party for Ottawa vs Colorado

Some Admirals and their partners are coming over so feel free to bring a plus one

@Clay Gardner (Florida) is coming because we’re playing the day before and they have an extra day here

Clay Gardner (Florida) 

Thanks @Carter Vaughn (New York)

Bringing Mike if that’s ok

Carter Vaughn (New York) 

Sure! 

The more the merrier 🤙

Luke Medina (New Jersey) 

Oh cool

I’m coming over

Bringing Maisie

Alex Vega (Buffalo) 

I’m down

Have a couple days free and want to get out

On my own though but I’ll let you know if that changes

Jake Johnson (Philadelphia)

Will your beautiful, amazing, and popular fiancée Gloria be there? 😗

Carter Vaughn (New York) 

Yes…

Jake Johnson (Philadelphia)

Then I will make the drive, too!

Carter Vaughn (New York) 

Jake Johnson (Philadelphia)

Hayden Pike (Montreal) 

Coming in from Tampa that morning

Next time!

Enjoy! 

(👍 by Carter)

Charlie Simms (Detroit) 

Not playing but can only live chat 

Early flight to St Louis the next day

(👍 by Carter)

Cliff Marleau (Boston) 

Gotta pass, man

Have fun!

(👍 by Carter)

October 16, 2021

Harvey Hall (Columbus) 

What the fuck is Toronto’s problem?

Genuinely?

Are they allergic to being decent people?

[video of a Toronto player getting into Barrett’s face. No one can make out the words being said, but Barrett looks bored and mimed yawning. The Toronto player lunged but was stopped in time by his teammates. Barrett was also yanked by his collar by Boodram. The Ottawa A was chuckling good-naturedly as he shook his head.]

Ted Park (Pittsburgh)

Lol who tf knows 

Played them last week and they ran their mouths

Felt so good to win

October 20, 2021

Hayden Pike (Montreal) 

@Ross Burton (Tampa) you asshole why did you check ME?!

[Photo of a bruised arm with a bag of ice on it. In the background is a messy living room with three children, a bit blurred suggesting they were running around.]

Ross Burton (Tampa)

Everyone was getting checked

It would look suspicious if I don’t check you and Boiziau

Hayden Pike (Montreal) 

😑

Ross Burton (Tampa)

Relax

At least you didn’t break your nose like Comeau lol

And Drapeau had to get his ribs checked so…

Carter Vaughn (New York) 

[Group photo of Carter, Clay, Luke, Alex, and Jake. All five are holding beers. In the background are a few players from the Admirals.]

Ready for that Ottawa-Colorado match!

Ted Park (Pittsburgh)

Lol we need to watch the Stanley Cup Finals live. All sat together.

Luke Medina (New Jersey) 

Hey! What if it’s one of us?

Cliff Marleau (Boston) 

Luke Medina (New Jersey) 

You’re right

At this rate it’s going to be Ottawa

Max Boyle (Ottawa) 

I will see you all…from the ice 😀

Harvey Hall (Columbus) 

Ted Park (Pittsburgh)

Hey I meant to ask @Alex Vega (Buffalo)

In the game against OTT, you skated by Hollanov while Hollander was whispering something to Rozanov

What was that about?

The cameras caught the pout afterwards 

lmao my buddies and I have a bet going on about whatever was said

Alex Vega (Buffalo) 

Oh!

Something about behaving…

Ted Park (Pittsburgh)

Oh damn it

Of course the married guys in the team were right 😑

Hayden Pike (Montreal) 

😆

Classic

Cliff Marleau (Boston) 

Rozanov behaving?!

The man who literally shut up in the middle of a chirp as soon as his husband turned to him?

The man who backed off as soon as he heard “Ilya” from his husband?

The man who followed his husband around at every event?!

Never heard of this at all

(😆 by Alex, Hayden, and Carter)

Hayden Pike (Montreal) 

W H I P P E D

( 😆 by Cliff, Clay, and Alex)

Max Boyle (Ottawa) 

[An audio clip saying “Say what you want, Pike, but Ruby and Jade called me best uncle the other day.” The voice left no doubt that it was clearly Rozanov. A sigh in the background can be heard, which, while indistinct, one can only guess was from Hollander.]

(😆by all except Max and Hayden)

Hayden Pike (Montreal) 

🖕

(😆by all except Hayden)

One hour later

Charlie Simms (Detroit) 

Have we ever confirmed what positions they’re all playing

Because I thought Haas was right wing but now he’s centre in his line?

What’s going on???

Clay Gardner (Florida) 

Official positions say RW but who the fuck knows at this point?

Hollander was center but was playing LW against Buffalo for one period

Mike says the coaches are finally starting to notice…

Eugene Reynolds (Carolina)

Good for Florida I guess

Our coaches over here want to talk to Wiebe lol 

Miller said, verbatim “how tf did Wiebe get this lucky?”

Ross Burton (Tampa)

Luck?

I think a certain team’s stupidity was all the luck Wiebe needed lmao…

(💯 by Alex, Cliff, and Luke)

Jake Johnson (Philadelphia)

[A video taken from behind all the guests, facing the TV, showing Hayes blocking an insane shot from the Colorado captain. The captain’s face was a mixture of confusion and awe (How the fuck did Hayes block that fucking goal?!). The guests were shouting, pumped up.]

WHAT ARE THEY FEEDING EVERYONE THERE IN OTTAWA?!

Charlie Simms (Detroit) 

Cliff Marleau (Boston) 

Score is at 3-2 for OTT

Considering Colorado was a Stanley finalist last year and thereweren’t any major changes in their rosterr

This is very telling on how the rest of the season will go

@Carter Vaughn (New York) if they also defeat you, actual Stanley Cup winners from last year, with not many changes too, then…

Carter Vaughn (New York) 

See if this were any other team I’d say we’ll be ready but eventually be ok

NOW?!

Ottawa has created a monster, none of us can predict what happens next

Alex Vega (Buffalo) 

I cannot say this enough

Toronto fumbled Hayes so badly

Dane Pearce (Washington) 

We’re playing them next week

Getting intel on whether they know they fucked up yet

October 21, 2021

Harvey Hall (Columbus) 

[A video of Rozanov’s after-game presser, cocky smiled and all as he answered the question “What is making the difference in all your plays this year?”: I can read my husband’s mind – all the greatest husbands, like myself, know this is skill to have. If you can’t read your partners’ minds, are you even good husband?]

Is he saying more hockey players should get married to each other?

I love my wife

Child #2 will be here soon

Our daughter just turned five last month

I can’t do this

Cliff Marleau (Boston) 

Lol Twitter is having a field day calling Roz the patron saint of husbands

Hollander retweeted a few posts

It’s crazy online right now

I’d agree though

Fuckboy Rozanov is totally gone, replaced by the soul of world’s best husband

Dane Pearce (Washington) 

Fuck offff 

They got married in July 🙄

Make it to at least a year like me!

Alex Vega (Buffalo) 

If Angelina Jolie will just give me a chance I will prove to Rozanov that I can be a better husband

Ross Burton (Tampa)

[Replied to “screenshot of Alex’s Instagram message to Angelina Jolie with a “hey 😉”. The screen says ‘delivered’”]

Buddy

Did she even open the DM yet?

(😆 by all except Ross and Alex)

Alex Vega (Buffalo) 

No 😞

(😆 by all except Alex)

Max Boyle (Ottawa) 

Not caught in that video but Hollander threw a balled-up sock at the back of his head right after that

[A video of Rozanov turning to Hollander, saying “Wow, see why I am greatest husband? I don’t throw socks at my husband’s head!” 

Hollander can be seen rolling his eyes and saying, “No! You just annoy the heck out of your husband!”

Rozanov shrugged, unbothered, and replied with “Eh. You love it.”]

Alex Vega (Buffalo) 

So so glad to know he is the same annoying Rozanov

Ted Park (Pittsburgh)

I can’t get married to a hockey player

You all stink

Jake Johnson (Philadelphia)

Why? Does your social media girl smell nice?

Hayden Pike (Montreal) 

You haven’t asked her out yet?!

Bro it’s been months of this

Ted Park (Pittsburgh)

She’s out of my league okay?

Charlie Simms (Detroit) 

Didn’t you use to date a TV star?

Ted Park (Pittsburgh)

So?

Charlie Simms (Detroit) 

So I’m sure the social media girl would love for you to ask her out

Ted Park (Pittsburgh)

🙄

Not the same at all

Also she shuts down any attempts at flirtation

Clay Gardner (Florida) 

Well yeah

You’re at work

Try outside of the workplace

Carter Vaughn (New York) 

Hmmm giving advice, are you @Clay Gardner (Florida)?

Clay Gardner (Florida) 

🤐

Alex Vega (Buffalo) 

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmm

Luke Medina (New Jersey) 

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmm

Jake Johnson (Philadelphia)

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmm

Eugene Reynolds (Carolina)

What the heck did we miss?!

October 22, 2021

Clay Gardner (Florida) 

I’m telling you because I trust you all

And because he says I can tell you

(👀 by Carter, Alex, and Luke)

Jake Johnson (Philadelphia)

Clay Gardner (Florida) 

[A photo of Clay intimately hugging a very good-looking man, both faces seen from the camera. The angle was taken by someone else but close enough that viewers can say the photographer was with them.]

(♥️ by all except Clay)

Ross Burton (Tampa)

WHAT

WHO IS THIS MAN

HAS HE MADE AN HONEST MAN OUT OF YOU?

Clay Gardner (Florida) 

It’s Mike 🙂

It’s only been official for a month so no wedding bells yet

My sister took this photo of us 

(♥️ by all except Clay)

Cliff Marleau (Boston) 

LET’S GOOO!!!

So happy for you two

Jake Johnson (Philadelphia)

Charlie Simms (Detroit) 

Aaaayyyyeeee!!! 

Luke Medina (New Jersey) 

Congrats you guys!!!

Maisie was dying to know

She clocked the shit out of you back at Carter’s 😏

Max Boyle (Ottawa) 

LOOK AT YOU TWO!!!

🥹🥹🥹

Ted Park (Pittsburgh)

GARDNER!!! 

BUDDY!!!

AWWWW

Dane Pearce (Washington) 

You tell us if anyone gives you shit in the locker room alright?

(💯 by all except Dane and Clay)

Cliff Marleau (Boston) 

Yes to what Pearce said ☝️

Clay Gardner (Florida) 

Thanks guys 🥹

But as for avenging me, not planning to be out until we get the fuck away from Florida

And I’m a free agent after this season so

Harvey Hall (Columbus) 

Hey let us know what your top choices are

If it’s one of us I’m sure we can put in a good word with the coach

Clay Gardner (Florida) 

Well Ottawa…

(👎 by all except Clay)

Eugene Reynolds (Carolina)

Boo tomato tomato

Max Boyle (Ottawa) 

(👎 by all except Max)

October 27, 2021

Dane Pearce (Washington) 

Reporting back to say that yes, Toronto has realised Hayes was such a good fucking asset

And that they maybe shouldn’t have let Barrett go but the influence of that fucking rapist looms large or so they say

Max Boyle (Ottawa) 

LMAO TORONTO GET FUCKED

(💯by all except Max)

October 29, 2021

Alex Vega (Buffalo) 

Holy shit

Marleau you evil genius

[Video clip of Marleau looking as if he was simply moving his stick, but maybe too wildly. Gagnon, on his path, tried to avoid the wild-ish stick and collided with his teammates, Favreau and Johns. Johns, falling, tried to hold on to something or someone, but could only grab an unaware rookie. By the time Gagnon even fell, Marleau was already moving away and not looking back, seemingly unaware of what happened.]

Cliff Marleau (Boston) 

Oh shoot

That happened?

Max Boyle (Ottawa) 

The laugh I let out 

You’re sick 😆😆😆

Hayden Pike (Montreal) 

Favreau’s front tooth got chipped lol

Cliff Marleau (Boston) 

Oh dear

I sure hope he gets that looked at

So unfortunate…

October 30, 2021

Hayden Pike (Montreal) 

Realised it’s a packed schedule today

All of us East teams are playing tonight

Sorry @Clay Gardner (Florida) we won’t be able to support you…

Clay Gardner (Florida) 

We just played against them end of September

How the fuck is it our turn again?!

Alex Vega (Buffalo) 

Ok but your team is the only one here who got to experience the full roster during preseason

I’m sure you guys will know what to expect

Clay Gardner (Florida) 

Wish I’m confident with that but…………………

In other news

How the heck did Rozanov and Hollander hide their relationship for so long

Mike and I are having a hard time keeping it together

Max Boyle (Ottawa) 

Want me to ask?

Clay Gardner (Florida) 

Yes please

But like

Anonymously

Max Boyle (Ottawa) 

[A video with the following transcript:

Rozanov with a glint in his eye “Hello anonymous gay and his lover –” 

“ILYA! Stop using that word!” 

“–ignore my super gay husband–” 

“I’m rooming with Bood for this trip!” 

“What?! No, Shane, wait.” 

The video pans to follow the couple as Hollander walks away and Rozanov hurries to follow. It cuts from there.]

(😆 by all except Max and Clay)

Clay Gardner (Florida) 

Uhm….

Hayden Pike (Montreal) 

W H I P P E D

Tell him Boyle!!!! Tell him for me!!!

Max Boyle (Ottawa) 

[Video of Rozanov again but serious this time, “Ok for the anonymous gay: Focus on the goal. You both planned and agreed that you would come out this summer, then think of that. And then think of the after. It will be so worth it.”]

[Another video of Rozanov with a smirk, the face that launched a thousand gloves on ice, “Also, Pike, I have sent Rozanov jerseys to all your children. They need new sizes, yes?”]

Hayden Pike (Montreal) 

FUCK

Harvey Hall (Columbus) 

That is so oddly sweet from Rozanov

Also, Pikey, idk how you expected that go tbh

Clay Gardner (Florida) 

A few hours later

Clay Gardner (Florida) 

Are you sure you didn’t tell Rozanov about me @Max Boyle (Ottawa)?

Max Boyle (Ottawa) 

No? I didn’t even mention it’s someone from here. I just said one of us knows that person.

Why?

Clay Gardner (Florida) 

He just kept looking at me at the bench

And then Mike…

And smiling…

Like you know when sharks smile in those cartoons?

Cliff Marleau (Boston) 

I know Roz is perceptive

Maybe he saw something and put two and two together?

I still wouldn’t worry, though

If anyone can be sworn to secrecy, it’s that guy

Jake Johnson (Philadelphia)

True

I mean…

*gestures wildly at everything*

Carter Vaughn (New York) 

Just done with the game against Vegas

Was it true that Hollander dropped gloves?!

Clay Gardner (Florida) 

Oh yeah

Fucking Marshall targeted Haas

A bloody nose is the least of his concerns

He was caught on cam saying something hateful and now the lipreaders over on Instagram are already having a field day 

He also got called by the front office so 🤷

Haas is everyone’s baby boy it seems

Luke Medina (New Jersey) 

Holy shit! Hollander dropping gloves? 

Also sorry to miss your game @Clay Gardner (Florida)

Hayden Pike (Montreal) 

My best friend

Of a decade!

And he has never dropped gloves for me!!!

Ross Burton (Tampa)

You are also not their adopted child (😆 by Luke, Carter, and Clay)

Rozanov looked pissed at Marshall, too

He should be lucky Hollander got to him first because imagine that Russian menace coming at you

Clay Gardner (Florida) 

TBF

The jerk only getting a bloody nose is because Chouinard and Dykstra held Hollander back

And they looked like they were struggling to do so

Luke Medina (New Jersey) 

[Video clip of Hollander being held back; he was still mouthing off, and Chouinard and Dykstra looked shocked as they struggled to hold Hollander. Finally, they pushed him back to their bench, where Rozanov reached over and held his husband by the back of his neck. Hollander stopped and whipped his head to look at Rozanov. The two looked at each other, some telepathy going on, and Hollander dropped his shoulders, and his face returned to neutral. Rozanov then turned his head to glare at someone on the ice.]

Well shit…

He really is playing way differently in OTT than MTL

Max Boyle (Ottawa)

When I tell you that we went from angry at Marshall to shocked at Hollzy…

Who knew?

Was he suppressing so much of himself in MTL??? 

Hayden Pike (Montreal) 

I could write a whole essay on the psyche of Shane Hollander and his time in MTL 

But the short answer is yes

Dane Pearce (Washington) 

Damn

We love this sport but it really does get so tiring sometimes

(💯 by all except Dane)

Charlie Simms (Detroit) 

In other news 

[Video of a Montreal player, Taylor, racing to get the puck but got his shit rocked by a big Chicago defenceman instead. Taylor sat on the ice, dazed, as medics looked him over. The defenceman raised his hand and allowed the ref to push him away.]

Ross Burton (Tampa)

Oh that’s not the only thing that happened

[Video of another Montreal player, Snyder, getting checked hard that he literally went upside down before falling flat on the ice.]

Alex Vega (Buffalo) 

November 6, 2021

Ted Park (Pittsburgh)

My sister just asked me if there’s a conspiracy against MTL

Lol

I said “what? Impossible! We’re all friends”

Harvey Hall (Columbus) 

You’re so full of shit lmao

Jake Johnson (Philadelphia)

[A screenshot of Park’s sister from her Instagram ppst. She’s very pretty.]

Oh hey

Ted Park (Pittsburgh)

Alex Vega (Buffalo) 

🙂

Eugene Reynolds (Carolina)

Does she usually go to your games @Ted Park (Pittsburgh)? 😗

Ted Park (Pittsburgh)

Cliff Marleau (Boston) 

Lol

You know you shouldn’t have mentioned a sister in this group chat

Too many single guys

Ted Park (Pittsburgh)

Watch it, Marleau! You’re a grandfather compared to my baby sis!!

Cliff Marleau (Boston) 

🙄

dw not interested

Ted Park (Pittsburgh)

What do you mean?! She’s a catch! I have to swat guys away from her! 

She just got promoted at her very responsible job in Philly!

Jake Johnson (Philadelphia)

Charlie Simms (Detroit) 

For pete’s sake 🤦

@Ted Park (Pittsburgh) do you want guys to hit on her or no?!?!

(😆by Harvey, Clay, and Dane)

Hayden Pike (Montreal) 

Wait pause 

I’m laughing

You said we’re all friends?

This is after your teammates ‘accidentally’ crashed into you so hard so that you could go Gagnon’s way and  he went over the boards?

(😆 by all except Hayden)

November 8, 2021

Jake Johnson (Philadelphia)

Ok they lost to San Jose two days ago

I don’t know if that’s good or bad for us

Cliff Marleau (Boston) 

Bad

Hayden Pike (Montreal) 

Bad

Alex Vega (Buffalo) 

Bad

Carter Vaughn (New York) 

Bad

Dane Pearce (Washington) 

Bad

Jake Johnson (Philadelphia)

FUCK

Even though they also lost the second game against Pittsburgh before that…?

Ted Park (Pittsburgh)

LMAO I don’t want to take that win

Half the team had the flu including the hockey husbands so…

Harvey Hall (Columbus) 

Bright side though: No OT for Philly? 🤔

Jake Johnson (Philadelphia)

Yeah ‘cos we’ll win

Alex Vega (Buffalo) 

I really like how we’re so optimistic

(😆 by all except Alex and Jake)

Jake Johnson (Philadelphia)

Ughhhhhh

Carter Vaughn (New York) 

By the way, seems like people are noticing what’s happening to Montreal

[Screenshots of two Twitter and Instagram posts with comments on how many times Montreal has been slammed on the boards extra hard this season. One of them was a tally with names]

Hayden Pike (Montreal) 

We also haven’t been winning as much

The fans are calling for the coaches’ heads 🤷

I want to get a fucking tattoo on my head that says I told you so!!!

But Jackie will kill me

Hours later

Ted Park (Pittsburgh)

🤨🤨🤨

You’re going to explain @Jake Johnson (Philadelphia) or?????

[Screenshot of his sister’s story showing the rink while Philadelphia and Ottawa are getting ready on the ice. The vantage point suggests she’s seated in the area where players’ comp tickets are designated to go.]

(👀 by all except Ted and Jake)

Jake Johnson (Philadelphia)

🙂

What did Isabelle say?

Ted Park (Pittsburgh)

She’s not answering me!

Jake Johnson (Philadelphia)

Then 👋

(😆 by all except Ted and Jake)

Some more time later

Jake Johnson (Philadelphia)

I would like to file an official complaint

[photo: 4-2 for Ottawa]

(😆by all except Jake)

Ted Park (Pittsburgh)

#deserved

Jake Johnson (Philadelphia)

[Photo of him and Isabelle at dinner somewhere.]

Ted Park (Pittsburgh)

November 15, 2021

Carter Vaughn (New York) 

[Photo of Scott Hunter sitting in his stall inside the locker room, leaning back against the wall, staring into the space overhead]

Well I just lost my captain… 

(😆 by Harvey, Luke, Jake, and Hayden)

Luke Medina (New Jersey) 

Hunter not retiring yet?

Carter Vaughn (New York) 

He hasn’t even hinted at it even with talks of adopting kids now

I think he’s just dreading the Hollanov combo

Poor man hasn’t really played against both of them at the same time

Eugene Reynolds (Carolina)

Oh damn 

Hunter having a kid

Imagine the hockey genes (😆by all)

Luke Medina (New Jersey) 

Eugene Reynolds (Carolina)

What?

Luke Medina (New Jersey) 

Bruh it says adopting

Eugene Reynolds (Carolina)

Yeah but i figured…through osmosis or something

Luke Medina (New Jersey) 

How the fuck do you know osmosis and not basic biology????????

(😆 by all except Luke and Eugene)

Dane Pearce (Washington) 

I’m choosing to ignore Reynolds over there 

You’re right @Carter Vaughn (New York), Hunter really didn’t get a chance to play against both on the same team? Crazy to think about

At least I got to play on the same team as them during ASGs

Speaking of…

You think they were hooking up during ASGs?

Harvey Hall (Columbus) 

Who?

Dane Pearce (Washington) 

Hollanov!

Ted Park (Pittsburgh)

They did say ‘several years’ in that post right?

How many is several?

Can we assume Rozanov moved to Ottawa for Hollander?

Max Boyle (Ottawa) 

👀

Showed your message @Ted Park (Pittsburgh)

He just smirked so…

Carter Vaughn (New York) 

[Photo of Hunter, jaw dropped, eyes haunted with memory]

Cap just whispered oh my god

I think a memory is coming back to him…

Will report back 🫡

Cliff Marleau (Boston) 

HOLD ON

HOLD FUCKING ON

Jake Johnson (Philadelphia)

What

What is it

Cliff Marleau (Boston) 

2021 ASG

I heard Roz having sex with someone through the door

I even chirped him saying he must be having an orgy inside

THAT WAS HOLLANDER WITH HIM

Max Boyle (Ottawa) 

Wow

Are you only making this connection now?!

How many concussions have you had???

Cliff Marleau (Boston) 

🖕

I just remembered okay?

It’s one thing to be made aware that they’ve been together for years

It’s totally another to have pieces clicking!

Dane Pearce (Washington) 

So years

Plural

We’re assuming at least two…

Okay here’s what we have:

• Rozanov pretty much confirmed that he moved to Ottawa for Hollander 
• Meaning they were already together before July 2018
• You do not move for someone and possibly tank your career like that if you have only known the person for a few months or hell, even a year 
• Meaning this needs to be serious 
• So we’re looking at AT LEAST 2017…BUTTTT that type of serious??? it doesn’t just take a year…
• Rose Landry and Hollander were together in the latter half of 2016 and I don’t see Hollander cheating?
• Unless Rose Landry was a…rebound? Beard? 

Jake Johnson (Philadelphia)

The concept of Rose Landry being a rebound is bending time and space for me right now

Charlie Simms (Detroit) 

You HAVE seen Hollander, right?

Possible

Ted Park (Pittsburgh)

Dane’s out here like

Harvey Hall (Columbus) 

I checked out 2017 Hollander-Rozanov

Whatever Rose Landry was to Hollander, it seem he’s gotten back together with Rozanov by then? Cos look

[Video clip of that cheek kiss in ASG]

Luke Medina (New Jersey) 

Did we solve it???

@Hayden Pike (Montreal) answer us!!!

Carter Vaughn (New York) 

Ok uhm

Hunter just said something like “those little shits” then smirked

I said we think it’s 2017?

He then said “nah…”

And then he refused to elaborate???

Luke Medina (New Jersey) 

Okay well

Hayden peaced out

Hunter is being cryptic

@Carter Vaughn (New York) find out for us!!!

Max Boyle (Ottawa) 

99% sure whole team will end up at the Kingfisher after tonight’s game so

🫡

Carter Vaughn (New York) 

🫡

Hours later

Dane Pearce (Washington) 

So there’s hope?!

[Screenshot of the score 3-2 for New York]

Carter Vaughn (New York) 

We’re happy but man

The win does not feel as good as it should be lol

Rozanov and Haas are both injured from that game in Edmonton last Thursday

Not playing full capacity

We play them again in Ottawa in January 

Hopefully in full capacity to really test this out

Hopefully we win again 🤪

Eugene Reynolds (Carolina)

So what I’m hearing is we can only win if they have injuries or are sick…

Charlie Simms (Detroit) 

I mean even that’s doubtful 

New York got lucky with that last goal

Carter Vaughn (New York) 

Yeah lol we can admit that

But we can see Ottawa with so many gameplay options

We think tonight was a trial for something…

Just don’t know exactly what

Ross Burton (Tampa)

Majority of the plays still fall on Hollander and Rozanov though, what with being centers and everything

But I see what you mean

Barrett, Haas, Boodram are all solid wings with Haas testing out being a center

The LaPointe, Holmberg, and Young line is starting to be reliable now

Hayes is a brick wall at this point

Ottawa might be trying to get ready for whatever situation is needed

Clay Gardner (Florida) 

Lots of coaches are seeing it that way as well

Time will tell if Ottawa can pull through in the long run

At the moment though, we’re all still fucked 🙃

Max Boyle (Ottawa) 

Fellas

The husbands aren’t coming to Kingfisher

Hollzy demanded Roz stay in the hotel to rest those ribs 

We can’t get our answers tonight 🙁

(😞 by all except Max)

Dane Pearce (Washington) 

Lol I showed my wife the key points we have

She says “she got it from here”

I'm almost afraid to ask

Harvey Hall (Columbus) 

It’s that magical network of WAGs

Or SAPs now I think

I’m surprised they haven’t discussed this before…

Charlie Simms (Detroit) 

Well they are our better half

So I think we’ll find out soon lol

Some time later

Carter Vaughn (New York) 

…

Charlie Simms (Detroit) 

What?

Carter Vaughn (New York) 

Uhm Hunter said the whole Hollanov thing was going on way earlier than we’re thinking

Clay Gardner (Florida) 

Harvey Hall (Columbus) 

EARLIER?!

Before 2017? Holy shit

Max Boyle (Ottawa) 

Yeah I get that feeling too…

They act like an old married couple

Like how my parents would act when I was a kid

Dane Pearce (Washington) 

Told my wife and she just lit up

Like there’s a puzzle piece falling into place…

I’m letting the SAPs figure this one out 😬

November 13, 2021

Clay Gardner (Florida) 

LMAO @Eugene Reynolds (Carolina)

Rough check there by Gagnon

But worth it no?

Eugene Reynolds (Carolina)

Yes duh

I got Taylor to trip first 🤪

If we’re suffering this season, Montreal will suffer more!!!

(💯 by all except Eugene)

November 21, 2021

Cliff Marleau (Boston) 

You know

I woke up today thinking

Ah a game against Ottawa

It’s cool, I’ve played against Rozanov before

Then I remembered that Hollander’s now there, too 🙃

Alex Vega (Buffalo) 

Honestly it might not be so bad…

Your team’s got their shit together this year

Hayden Pike (Montreal) 

Loooool

I wish we at least got our shit together

Luke Medina (New Jersey) 

Oh you’re alive?

After disappearing when we were piecing together the hockey husbands’ timeline?

Hayden Pike (Montreal) 

I already!!! Accidentally!!! Outed them!!!

I will not say anything more until they say so and I will not ask them if I could 

🤐

Luke Medina (New Jersey) 

Oh so you know???

Charlie Simms (Detroit) 

Wait back up @Hayden Pike (Montreal) 

Montreal still haven’t figured shit out?

You’ve only won 5 out of 20 so far? 

At this rate, the math may not math come March…

Hayden Pike (Montreal) 

Oh trust me I know

It’s why I gave up the A lol 

Esp with Comeau as C? Ugh don’t want to alternate with that one

JJ’s doing a much better job curbing their shit while also encouraging the team to focus on the game

Alex Vega (Buffalo) 

Has Comeau not shut up yet?

I heard talk of some enforcers retiring at the end of the season and they aren't opposed to a little bit more violence

Ross Burton (Tampa)

What who? 

Alex Vega (Buffalo) 

Idk who just that there are rumours of some

Hayden Pike (Montreal) 

I mean you know

Stuff happens on ice yes?

Charlie Simms (Detroit) 

🫡

Alex Vega (Buffalo) 

🫡

Clay Gardner (Florida) 

🫡

Harvey Hall (Columbus) 

🫡

Jake Johnson (Philadelphia)

🫡

Cliff Marleau (Boston) 

Well as someone who chose to stay A than move up to C when Roz left

I get that

And I didn’t even resent the new C, I just felt like I’m better managing at A level and focusing on keeping the vibe going instead of doing all the other things…

Much harder to do your job if you resent most of your teammates

Eugene Reynolds (Carolina)

I mean right now we all resent Montreal 🤪

( 💯by all except Eugene)

Hours later

Luke Medina (New Jersey) 

Marleau, you ok there buddy?

[Video clip of Marleau handling the puck, cleanly getting away from other Centaurs, when suddenly Haas was there sliiiiiiiiiiding over to where Marleau was going to “politely” steal the puck away. It was a real WTF moment, enough that Marleau paused mid-game to take the time to blink. He still recovered quickly and immediately turned around to catch up.]

Cliff Marleau (Boston) 

That Haas kid is really like their child is2g

Rozanov’s skills as a winger plus Hollander’s hockey IQ skills?

Alex Vega (Buffalo) 

LMAO 

Dozens of edits have been made since

I’m very partial to this one

[A reel uploaded on Instagram by @haasybabes showed the same clip but with an overlay of instrumental and a voiceover of “eh? eh? eh? EH? Eeehhh?” came on at the same time Haas got the puck, and Marleau’s facial expression was then zoomed in. It paused, and question marks appeared all over the screen.]

(😆 by Charlie, Eugene, Hayden, Clay, and Harvey)

Cliff Marleau (Boston) 

🖕

November 23, 2021

Clay Gardner (Florida) 

[Video clip of Alex getting checked in a game against Nashville. The check was clean but the awkward way his right leg was sprawled after suggested an injury.]

Yikes

@Alex Vega (Buffalo) you ok over there?

Cliff Marleau (Boston) 

Oh man

Hope nothing too bad?

Ted Park (Pittsburgh)

Ooof leg injury is never fun

Get well soon bro!

Alex Vega (Buffalo) 

Thanks guys! Out for two weeks

But at least not in a cast 👍

[Photo of a bandaged leg from the knee to ankle. The leg is elevated. Hospital background.]

November 24, 2021

Luke Medina (New Jersey) 

Feeling the urge to fly up to Ottawa on the 29th 🤪

Jake Johnson (Philadelphia)

Honestly same

Cliff Marleau (Boston) 

Good timing! Boston has couple of days off and I'm already there 'cos my cousin's getting married

Maybe I’ll stay an extra day…

Carter Vaughn (New York) 

I was just talking about this with a couple of guys from Seattle

We’re coming too

Hayden Pike (Montreal) 

Damn

Everyone’s going to see us get our asses handed to us

Maybe literally because some of these guys are not shutting up

JJ’s about fed up with them too

Carter Vaughn (New York) 

Let’s all go for drinks afterwards

It’s an afternoon game right?

Ross Burton (Tampa)

I’m coming too!

Charlie Simms (Detroit) 

Darn going to have pass up again

Sandwiched between games

Harvey Hall (Columbus) 

Y’all have fun

The missus is about to give birth anytime soon so gotta be here

Alex Vega (Buffalo) 

You guys enjoy

Resting my leg lol 

[Photo of his elevated leg. Still bandaged, but he’s now at home. A woman’s hand can be seen in the corner, fluffing up pillows.]

Ross Burton (Tampa)

👀

Charlie Simms (Detroit) 

👀

Hayden Pike (Montreal) 

👀

Max Boyle (Ottawa) 

👀

Dane Pearce (Washington) 

👀

Alex Vega (Buffalo) 

Relax, guys

Gracie’s been my best friend since we were kids!

Luke Medina (New Jersey) 

Sure…

Eugene Reynolds (Carolina)

If she is then you won’t mind me asking you if she’s single? 👀

Cos I am

Maybe I’ll pull a Jake Johnson special here…

Alex Vega (Buffalo) 

She’s single sure

Eugene Reynolds (Carolina)

So it’s okay if I ask her out yes?

Alex Vega (Buffalo) 

…………

Carter Vaughn (New York) 

Ross Burton (Tampa)

Looked through Alex’s instagram

She’s very pretty though

[Screenshot of an IG post from Alex’s account. He’s with a very pretty woman. They’re standing side-by-side and both were making a peace sign.]

Charlie Simms (Detroit) 

As per my wife: A single woman? That pretty? I’m sure she’s got dates left and right 👀

Harvey Hall (Columbus) 

My wife agrees

Hayden Pike (Montreal) 

Lol Jackie does as well

Eugene Reynolds (Carolina)

What’s her @ ?

Come on Alex 😗

Max Boyle (Ottawa) 

November 29, 2021

Hayden Pike (Montreal) 

Our very sweet rookie is so pale

Poor guy getting drafted in the midst of all that shit from last season

Clay Gardner (Florida) 

Oh no

He just wanted to play hockey and now he has to face TWO of this league’s elite-level nightmares?! At the same time?

Cliff Marleau (Boston) 

Prayers up MTL rookie!

Getting ready now

See you guys in the arena!

Hayden Pike (Montreal) 

Lol I can’t believe you guys got tickets

Was told it was sold out ages ago

Cliff Marleau (Boston) 

We got the VIP suite

It pays to have the Ottawa captain as your best friend 🤪

Hayden Pike (Montreal) 

Yeah well

The Ottawa captain’s husband is MY best friend!!!

Charlie Simms (Detroit) 

And yet you’re getting your ass handed to you by YOUR best friend and HIS husband

🙂

Hours later

Cliff Marleau (Boston) 

[Group photo of the guys who travelled to Ottawa for the game, all in a variety of poses. Some plus ones were brought.]

Ted Park (Pittsburgh)

EXCUSE ME @Jake Johnson (Philadelphia)??? 

Somebody better tell Isabelle Park to answer her damn phone!!!

Ross Burton (Tampa)

Lol should’ve come then

Ted Park (Pittsburgh)

Can’t

[Photo of Ted and his social media girl on a date.]

Carter Vaughn (New York) 

AY YO

LET’S GO MY BOY TED!!!

Hayden Pike (Montreal) 

FUCKING FINALLY!!!

Jake Johnson (Philadelphia)

Isabelle says to focus on your date and stop bothering her/us 🙂

Ted Park (Pittsburgh)

Ok I will

But I’ve got my eyes on your @Jake Johnson (Philadelphia)

I am not above getting arrested if you hurt my sister

End of first period

Dane Pearce (Washington) 

Am I seeing this right?

Rozanov is not chirping?

Charlie Simms (Detroit) 

Fuck not just him

The whole of Ottawa are…having a clean game of hockey?

Clay Gardner (Florida) 

Still a force though

Look at those edges and techniques

That was a nasty nasty steal by Barrett…but can’t find anything wrong with it 

It’s like they went to hockey school overnight and reset themselves

Which was wild ‘cos Roz was chirping like crazy against Vegas a couple of days ago

Harvey Hall (Columbus) 

No emotions, nothing

Just hockey robots?

Dane Pearce (Washington) 

I mean

Not for lack of trying from MTL

Comeau just got up to Rozanov’s face and Rozanov just…left?

Eugene Reynolds (Carolina)

I mean

The hockey robot schtick seems to be working

Look at that beautiful 3-0 for OTT after the first period

Charlie Simms (Detroit) 

And MTL getting frustrated too

LOL @ Pike just skating away from all of that

Boiziau about to hurt his own teammates lmao

Carter Vaughn (New York) 

News flash news flash!

Charlie Simms (Detroit) 

What what

We’re not there!

Tell us!

Carter Vaughn (New York) 

Was on my way to the bathroom when I walked past the other VIP suite

No one was in the hallway and it was real quiet 

Plus the door was ajar so like I got a peek…

Crowell’s inside

Along with the Ottawa and Montreal owners

In OTT’s case, it was the woman present

Ross Burton (Tampa)

Holy shit

What

Carter Vaughn (New York) 

Hard not to hear what they’re talking about, going to type the convo I heard as I remember it

OTT: Well, Crowell, we three are watching the same game. A good, clean hockey game. 

C: I don’t know what you discussed with your guys but this is not what we agreed on! 

OTT: Remind me, Crowell, what was this supposed agreement?

C: That it will be interesting! This is a very boring game, instead. We're supposed to sell tickets for OTT-MTL – the new rivalry and all that! 

OTT: To be a rival, we have to be on the same level, no?

MTL: Listen here–

OTT: Do not address me in that tone, Dubois. You are in my house. (tbf Dubois was rude as fuck talking to a woman in that tone, it got me tensing)

C: Jesus. Okay. Let’s take a deep breath. Let’s reset. Dubois, Ms du Saint-Ives...

OTT: Look, I appreciate taking the time to come here so we can discuss business, but my guys will play the strategy they see fit on the ice and not what will look good to the audience. If Montreal here wants to be in a profitable rivalry with us, then it is very fitting that we demand they get on our level. 

C: It is only the end of the first period. I’m sure Montreal can catch up.

OTT: Can they? We have not gone on power play yet. They are simply against Rozanov, not much different from last season. A similar play happened against Buffalo last month and Buffalo was able to score once during the first period. Pray tell, what’s stopping Montreal?

OTT: You want more data? Utah - dead last from last season with no star rookies drafted this year - scored on Montreal, a playoff contender last season, within the first ten minutes. Compare that with my team, scoring within the first five minutes in against New York, last season’s champions.

MTL: But your team still lost against New York.

OTT: 3-2. And you got trounced at 4-0.

—silence—

OTT: I will grant you the end of this game to confirm your plans. However, I believe Ottawa’s directions have taken a very solid shape. Gentlemen.

And then I got the fuck out of there. It was intense 😬

I’m half-scared and half-in awe of the Ottawa lady

Imagine being able to twist Crowell’s arm that way

Imagine humiliating Montreal that way

Charlie Simms (Detroit) 

So Crowell and Montreal want to push a MTL-OTT rivalry?

Cliff Marleau (Boston) 

What are we? Chopped liver?

Dane Pearce (Washington) 

I mean it looks like OTT is saying no

TBF to be rivals you have to be on equal footing

MTL isn’t close to where OTT is atm

Clay Gardner (Florida) 

Is there really a team like OTT right now though? 18 wins out of 24 played so far

19 by the looks of this game

New York’s currently second at 15 wins out of 23

Harvey Hall (Columbus) 

I mean

We saw this coming over summer

Ottawa is way past rivalry 

They’re on their way to domination…

Dane Pearce (Washington) 

Clay Gardner (Florida) 

Obligatory

FUCK MONTREAL

Alex Vega (Buffalo) 

Why tf are we catching strays? 😩

Carter Vaughn (New York) 

Oh ho

So how is your leg?

How’s your nurse?!

Alex Vega (Buffalo) 

Leg’s fine

Cliff Marleau (Boston) 

…and the nurse?

Dane Pearce (Washington) 

Hello?

Harvey Hall (Columbus) 

Aaaaaaand he’s gone 

2nd period

Ross Burton (Tampa)

LMAO

MTL just handed OTT a power play…as if they need it with the score still at 3-0.

Remember kids: If you're homophobic, you are simply too stupid for anything else

Clay Gardner (Florida) 

Speaking of

Comeau stupid af for highsticking Barrett

Man’s not even doing anything

Harvey Hall (Columbus) 

WHAT THE FUCK

The power play was done in less than a minute?!

DID WE EVEN SEE THE PUCK

Ross Burton (Tampa)

For real

If there were no sensors going off I wouldn’t even know where to look

Carter Vaughn (New York) 

IT IS INSANE HERE RIGHT NOW

[Video of the VIP suite in different states of shock. The crowd’s noise outside was so loud, it was clearly permeating through the thick windows.]

3rd period

Dane Pearce (Washington) 

Here we go

Comeau trying to stir shit up again

[Video of Comeau in Rozanov’s face]

Clay Gardner (Florida) 

Rozanov is getting pisssssseeeedddd

Are we about to see a fight?!

Harvey Hall (Columbus) 

Wait no

He’s just…skating away?!

Clay Gardner (Florida) 

Wait whoa– 

You guys saw that right??

Charlie Simms (Detroit)

[Video clip of Comeau getting in Rozanov’s face. Barely, just barely, Rozanov’s eyes flicked past Comeau. He must’ve seen something because a second later, he squares his shoulders and skates away.]

LMAO

I think I have an idea

Every married guy knows that look

Someone confirm who’s in Rozanov’s line of sight just then

Cliff Marleau (Boston) 

Lol you guessed right

The OTT bench

Who else would Roz listen to lmaoooo

Charlie Simms (Detroit) 

It’s almost worth it to have these two on the same team so we can see Rozanov fucking behave on ice

…ALMOST!

End of game

Charlie Simms (Detroit) 

I’ve been sitting for 10 minutes after the game ended

Thinking about what I just saw

VERY clean hockey game, the team could write a guide on how to be a hockey player and win as a gentleman, MTL walking away with 0 points, Rozanov not giving MTL the time of day, Hollander scarily accurate as always, Hayes with a shutout, the rest of the team continuing on the pressure…

Ross Burton (Tampa)

It’s saying “we don’t care about you”

Cliff Marleau (Boston) 

“You were only winning because of Hollander”?

Clay Gardner (Florida) 

“If you thought we won because Hollander ‘tripped’ then you’re mistaken”?

Harvey Hall (Columbus) 

“We don’t like you but we have to do our job: play hockey”?

Carter Vaughn (New York) 

“You’ll never see the playoffs again until we retire”?

Eugene Reynolds (Carolina)

Shit

All of the above I guess

Charlie Simms (Detroit) 

I can see this gameplay only working with an already frustrated team with some members trying to goad it into something ugly aka MTL

Probably will not work with New York? San Jose? Edmonton? Teams that are generally happy to just play hockey and win cleanly

Luke Medina (New Jersey) 

I mean I think there’s merit to the whole “we’re playing this way ‘cos we don’t care about you” thing

I remember Rozanov not wasting any time with truly abhorrent people in this league – no chirps, not even to look their way? And this one was an extended version of that

Man’s patience was tested for suuuure

Eugene Reynolds (Carolina)

Well good luck to St Louis because they’re next in the schedule 🤪

And there are definite assholes there too soooooo

Hayden Pike (Montreal) 

LOL

Trust me when I say

Any pent-up energy will be taken care of by Shane 🤢 

Charlie Simms (Detroit) 

Oh?

Cliff Marleau (Boston) 

Simms…

Harvey Hall (Columbus) 

@Hayden Pike (Montreal)

You ok there bud?

How’s the locker room?

Hayden Pike (Montreal) 

JJ had to break up Favreau and Comeau lol

Favreau’s blaming Comeau for this shitshow

I’m out of it lols

But we’re mostly ok

Just bruised pride for the team 🤷

Cliff Marleau (Boston) 

You know

If someone told me back in January that the 21-22 season is gonna go like this

I would’ve laughed right at them

‘Cos like what the fuck

There’s nothing regular about this regular season

Max Boyle (Ottawa) 

Oh definitely

Amen

[🖕by all except Max]