the bisexual fairy godmother of the NHL

Unknown Number

Text this number: xxx-xxx-xxxx
Because you were too scared to ask
Who is this?
Best player in the league
Shane Hollander?
I’m very hurt
No
Is Rozanov
How did you get this number?
Is secret
Very dangerous secret
I know many people(Smiling Face With Horns )
Whose number is that?
I think you know
But you were too scared to ask him
So I asked him for you
Good solution
I don’t know what you are talking about
So you were not looking at the cute bartender
What was his name again?
His name is Kyle
And I was not looking at him
He seems nice
He is
He is attractive
Might be
He is very young
He is not that young
I think you want to fuck Kyle
I do not!
Is okay!
Your wife left you
You are free to do whatever you want 😊
I do not want to fuck Kyle
I barely know him
And the divorce was mutual!
But you are still wearing your wedding ring
Just sentimental!
Mm okay
You should take it off
Why?
Because now Kyle thinks you don’t want to fuck him
I don’t!
You can not fool me Bennett
I saw your gay eyes checking him out
I am not gay
I loved my wife
Ah, bisexual!
This is great!
How did you even know?
I haven’t told anyone
You did not need to
It is very obvious
You’re not like homophobic?
Yes I am homophobic
Huh?
We met at a gay bar Bennett, what do you think
You make a good point
Is okay
You are just a little bit slow
Comes with old age
I am not that old
You are older than Scott Hunter
And his kind has been extinct for a million years
I am 40 years old, not 80
Hmm I don’t see the difference?
Fuck off
Maybe you need the cute bartender to keep you young, yes?
Have a little fun before you retire
I am not retiring
So this is not your last season?
How do you even know that?
I didn’t
Now I do
I haven’t told anyone
Don’t worry
I will not tell
Thanks
But people will guess
Because you are old
Very funny
You will text Kyle?
I don’t think so
Pretty sure he thinks I am too old
Pretty sure he likes that
He kind of rejected me, so
Bennett
What
You are wearing your wedding ring
What does that have to do with it?
Maybe he thinks you are married?
Oh
So I should take it off
I don’t think he will see that through the phone
Maybe just tell him, yes?
What would I even say?
I understand
Is very hard to say ‘I am not married’
That could work
Okay good luck
Thanks

Kyle

Hi, this is Eric Bennett
I got this number from some weird Russian man who told me to tell you I am definitely not married
Would you reconsider coming with me to the gallery tomorrow?
Maybe go to Córdoba Bakery afterwards?
Hello Eric Bennett
Not married, huh?
Divorced for a year actually
No wife waiting back home to do intensive yoga with?
Definitely not
Okay then
If you buy me those empanadas
Wait, can I eat meat in front of you?
Never mind
I can get the vegetarian ones
Probably not better than sex, but still good
Yes, you can eat meat in front of me
Oh
So I will see you tomorrow?
Yes!
I’m excited to see the paintings
Only the paintings?
Maybe also this one divorced guy
Sounds enthusiastic
Very

Rozanov

He said yes
”Thank you Rozanov for helping me get the number of this bartender I like very very much and blushed every time I saw him”
You are very welcome Bennett
I expect an invite to the wedding
”Ofcourse, you will be my best man!!”
Wow, it would be my honor
You are weirder than I thought
I think you meant to say
”I will see you at the wedding”
Wow, wedding? That is very quick Bennett, maybe get laid first

Unknown Number

You were very distracted on the ice today
Played even worse than usual
Who the fuck is this?
Fuck off and lose my number
Ah you are in a very bad mood
Seriously, who the fuck is this?
I don’t think you remember me
Must be because you are so very old
Already forgetting things
Is this Rozanov?
If you mean best player in the league, then yes
Fuck off
And LOSE MY NUMBER
No
I had to work really hard to get it
Am not going to lose it now
Why the fuck are you texting me
You played very bad today
Don’t need you to fucking tell me
I think I need to teach you hockey
Might help
Fuck off
I don’t need your fucking help Rozanov
I am saying this orphan to orphan
You need to get laid
I am best player in that too
I don’t need to get laid
Ah, so that is not why you were distracted on the ice
Maybe it is just being old then
Bones don’t work anymore
It’s none of your fucking business
And I’m only a few years older than you
Few years?
Feels like million years
You are a dinosaur
And the dinosaur needs to find a friend
’Special friend’
You really need to learn minding your own damn business Rozanov
You need to learn how to find a man to fuck
Maybe then you will play better
What the fuck?
I’m not gay
And I’m not orphan
Didn’t your dad just die?
Oh sorry I thought we were saying things that were not true
I’m not gay
You are
I know this
How would you fucking know
Hmmm what is that saying in English
’Closet is glass’?
Is really easy to see through
You are very gay
Are you making fun of me?
No
Gay people are cool
So you think I’m cool?
No! I would never say Scott Hunter is cool
But you just said it
So you admit you are very gay
I'm not gay
No, I think you are very gay
You’re not homophobic?
Why
Because I’m Russian?
Not all people from Russia are homophobic
I thought old man like you must know this
Okay good
You can’t tell anyone
Hunter, I have known for many years and have I told anyone?
Not that I know of
See I am very good at keeping secrets
Yeah sure
Do you want help finding a man?
I don’t need to get laid
And if I did I wouldn’t need your help
So you will look tonight, not find anyone and play bad again tomorrow?
I don’t need to get laid
Hmm, your game says differently
You were not very good at handling the stick tonight
Maybe not much experience?
Fuck off
I had a man
Not that it’s any of your fucking business
Ah, so not anymore?
That is why you play so bad
We need to find you a new man
I don’t need a new fucking man
I see
You need the same man
I don’t
I'm over him
Sure
I am
Still none of your business though
Why are you telling me?
Because you fucking asked!
And because you know
Know what?
That I’m gay!
Ah you finally told me
You already knew
Yeah but YOU didn’t tell me
Fuck off
How did it feel?
What
To tell someone
I don’t know
Would prefer to not have fucking Rozanov be the first person I told it too
I am first person you told?
You fucking asked!
Still
Why don’t you tell more people?
You know fucking hockey
How am I going to tell
Maybe people will be good?
People won't be good
You're a dumbass but you’re smart enough to realize this
Okay, people won’t be good
But maybe more people than you think will be good
I don’t think so
I am good
And you didn’t think I was good
You’re not good
But you’re not homophobic either
I guess that’s something
See
Maybe you can tell more people
I can’t
Why are you not with your man
Not my man anymore
Because I didn’t tell people
You want to be with him?
No
Maybe
Okay
So
Simple solution
You tell people
I can't just tell people
You told me
YOU FUCKING ASKED
If you tell people
And they’re not good about it
I will hit them
Don’t need you protecting my honor Rozanov
Not your honor
Protecting everyone from stupid homophobes
And I am very good at fighting
You’re not that good at fighting
You're just good at starting the fights
So you agree
I will hit them for you
Never said that
And I’m not coming out
I’ll just wait until I’m retired
That is very sad
Will your man wait that long?
I hope so
Do you think he will?
No
So you don’t love him?
I do
Why not tell?
I already told you
You love all homophobic hockey players more than you love him?
No?
Fuck no
????
Then I don’t understand
It’s complicated!
It’s not complicated
If you think you will never win a cup if you tell people, that is not a problem
You already have no chance now
Because you are old and slow
And you are not getting laid
Fuck off
Once again reminded that you’re a fucking asshole
Not asshole
I am very nice
I am helping you!
I don’t feel like I’m being helped
You told me
World didn’t end
You can tell more people now
I don’t know about that
You love this man
I don’t know if he loves you because there is no reason to love a very old man
Very bad taste
Fuck you
No thank you
I don’t fuck taken men
Oh, so you do fuck single men
Sometimes
You should tell this man you love him more than you love hockey
He will come back to you
What?
Can you elaborate on what you said please??
I said
Tell this man you love him
And come out of see through closet
And get laid
Maybe you will play better hockey
Not that asshole
The other thing
You fuck men?
I don’t think that is any of your business
You are all up in my business I think I can know some of yours??
No is private
You are a fucking asshole
Take my advice
Get laid
Be a better player
And dream about getting a cup
Only dream
Will never come true
And watch out for meteor
What the fuck
Because you are dinosaur
Fuck off
I’m going to block you
No, you should keep it
Why
You can tell me about homophobic players
I will hit them very hard so they can not walk anymore
Even worse than you after you finally get laid
You are fucking weird
You’re welcome

Kip

Hi
Hi
Do you think maybe we can talk?
Has anything changed?
Yeah…
I think maybe it has
Good
I’d love to talk

Biggest asshole in the League

You should have asked my help
What?
Was a very bad kiss
Could have used some more practice
Are you kidding me?
You are the one who told me to do this
I told you to tell people
Not show them a very bad kiss!
Fuck off
Maybe it was not so bad kiss for an old man like you
I am not that old
Hmm, yes you are
But that is the man then?
Yeah it is
Good for you
Yes, good for me
Thank you
What?
For what?
For the very bad kiss
Why
Maybe it will change some things
I hope so
But I don’t know
It will
Already did
It did?
For me, yes
Oh
You’re welcome
One day I will show you what a good kiss looks like
I am not kissing you
Why would I want to kiss a grandpa?
Then what??
And fuck you I am only like three years older than you
No thank you
But I will show the world that some men can kiss very well
On the ice
Watch out
Seriously?
What are you talking about?
None of your business 😊
You just made it my business!
Eh no I didn’t
Fuck yes you did
You can tell me more
Don’t think so
Fucking asshole
Yes, I like to do that
Gross
But thank you too
For what?
Telling me to go after my man
You are welcome
Was worth it, yes?
Hell yes
Good
It will be for you too, you know?
I know
Just need to convince him
Oh
Yes, ‘oh’
You can talk to me if you need help
I see
You love texting me so much you don’t want to stop
Fuck off
I mean it though
I know
But now just be patient
You’ll see
One day?
One day

Ilya Rozanov

It was good to see you, Price
You too
And think about the hockey camps, yes?
You sure you want me there?
Like I said I don’t want to fight
I don’t think the little kids are going to fight you
I don’t want to teach them that
Okay
Then don’t
You can still come
I’ll think about it
Good
Also you should make up with your boyfriend
What?
I don’t have a boyfriend
So that is the problem
I know a broken heart when I see it Price
That obvious?
Eh maybe not for other people
But I’ve heard I’m very…
Perceptive?
Subtle
That I’m not
No, you’re definitely not
It was good to see you
Feel free to come to Ottawa after you quit hockey
Hazy misses you
He does?
He can’t stop talking about this one guy he was friends with in Toronto
I don’t think he was talking about Kent
Kent is an asshole
Yes
He was probably not talking about Kent
Probably
I will see you in the summer then
Bring your boyfriend
I don’t have one
You will pretty soon
If you’re smart
You can get your back blown out in a different way(Winking Face )
This is very invasive
What does this word mean?
Oh, it’s like invading my privacy?
I don’t know what that means
I don’t know how to explain it
What is privacy
Personal space?
I don’t know what that is
You use many big words Price
Are you fucking with me?
Don’t fight me please
You are a very big man
And I am very strong scary Russian
But maybe not that strong
I am not going to fight you
Great
Not that I was scared 😊
Like I said
Scary Russian
Okay?
I will stop invading your privacy now
See you in summer
Don’t count on it
I am putting your name down
Don’t
Already done
You are stuck with me
This is my nightmare
See you in your dreams then(Face Throwing A Kiss )
I don’t know why I talk to you

Ilya Rozanov

Price!
Maybe I should tell you to not invade my privacy
Don’t remind me please.
I had to
My boyfriend is very anxious
I really don’t want to know
But you understand, right?
He wants to be sure you won’t tell
I don’t even care
And who would I tell
He wants you to promise
Fine, I promise I won't tell
Great!!
Thanks Price
Maybe next summer no walking in while I was finally getting lucky with my boyfriend(Crying Face )
Could you stop sharing new information?
But I can finally talk about it!!
Pkease tell me I’m not the only person who knows
You are not
Thank god
I almost had a heart attack
I don’t think I could keep a secret like that on my own
I will not let Shane read that
He will freak out 😊
I get that
How did you two even get together?
Wait, forget that
I don’t want to know
I am so glad you asked 😊
It all happened one summer
I said forget it
In 2010
I’m sorry, what?
We kept it secret for veeery long
So you can too
I thought quitting hockey would stop all the pressure
I guess I was mistaken
Sorry
How is your boyfriend?
Maybe we can do double date, yes?
We will pay to make up for this
I’ll ask him
Great!
You are a good man, Ryan Price
I will tell Shane this too
Tell him he has nothing to worry about
I will keep your secret
Although I wish I had never known
At least you won’t have a heart attack when we finally announce it to everyone
I guess there’s that
I will talk to you later Price
I will now go calm down my boyfriend
Have many ideas for that(Smirking Face )
I really don’t want to know.

Roz

So I’m gay
I’m aware
Did you know before
Before I took you to the gay bar?
Yeah
Not for sure
How would you know?
I have not told anyone
But there is someone you want to tell
I don’t know what you are talking about
Hmmm
How do you think I noticed?
I don’t know?
You keep making eyes at Harris
What?
I don’t
Also you have been spending a lot of time in his office
I bring him coffee
That’s it
Sure
Anyway
I heard rumors
No
And since you’re friends
No
You don’t even know what I was going to say
I do
And the answer is no
So you won’t set me up with him
No
Why?
You’re not his type
And you’re in love with Harris
I could be his type!
And I’m not in love with Harris
Because you’re both gay?
Supposedly*
Well
Yeah
Trust me
You’re not his type
Didn’t have to be rude about it
Why don’t you ask Harris on a date?
I don’t know
Wouldn’t it be weird?
And he is too nice
Nice is good, yes?
Yes it’s good
I think he likes you
You should ask him out
I don’t know
If you don’t want him, you should tell him that too
It’s not that I don’t
Then what is the problem?
He is too good for me
He deserves way more than some asshole hockey player who did one ‘good’ thing
Do you think Harris is a baby?
What?
Harris is a grown man right?
I don’t know where you’re going with this, but yes
I think Harris is old enough to decide what he deserves
Also you are not as bad as you make yourself sound
I was an asshole for years
Not to mention, friends with Kent
Was homophobic to hide that I was gay
Want me to keep going?
You make a pretty list
How many of those things are you doing now?
Hopefully none
Okay, so no problem(Thumbs Up Sign ≊ Thumbs Up)
It’s not that easy
You think too much
You like Harris?
Yes
Find out if he likes you too
Be yourself
If he still thinks you’re an asshole after that he won’t even say yes to a date
Problem fixed(Thumbs Up Sign ≊ Thumbs Up)
Wow you really make it sound super easy
Just wait until I get rejected, huh?
Why didn’t I think of that?
I think he will say yes
Maybe start with giving him that pin
How do you know about that?
I know many things(Eyes )
This is really creepy
Hmm
No
Perceptive
I’m still gonna go with creepy
(Crying Face )
Anyway thanks for the advice I guess
If it goes wrong I won't talk to you anymore
Oh, so same as before?
Fuck you
No, go fuck Harris if you’re lucky(Winking Face )
Asshole
I thought you were the asshole
Two things can definitely be true at the same time
(Crying Face )

Harris(Growing Heart )

Oh my god
What?
I just remembered the time I asked Roz to set me up with Hollander
You did what?
When was this?
Also, what did he say??
He said I was not his type
Pretty rude actually
Yeah, rude…
What?
Remember when Roz told us he was bi?
What does that have to do with this?
Well, if he’s so sure you’re not Hollander’s type
Maybe he knows exactly what his type is
Like knows knows
Are you insinuating what I think you are insinuating?
If you’re thinking Ilya is totally dating Hollander, then yes
Oh my god
This is insane
Is it?
I’m asking him
If this is true it means I tried asking him to set me up with HIS boyfriend
(Face With Tears Of Joy )

Roz

Remember when you said I wasn’t Hollander’s type
Why are you bringing this up?
Did you forget you are dating Harris now?
What?
No!
I was just wondering what his type is then
Oh so if you are not his type who could be?
Is that it?
I'm not that conceited
Mm
I just have an inkling that maybe his type is…
Well, I don’t know
Russian?
Barrett
Am I right?
You are not completely wrong
So Harris was right?!
I knew you did not put this together
I’m going to try not to be offended by that
But no
His type is Canadian
And nine inches(Aubergine ≊ Eggplant)
I’m confused
You’re not Canadian
And you’re definitely not packing nine inches
You have looked, have you?
Fuck off Roz
Look harder, it is true
You’re still not Canadian
Am I not? (Eyes )
No
Unless you went off and got secretly married or something
(Eyes )
…Did you get secretly married?
(Aubergine ≊ Eggplant)(Splashing Sweat Symbol ≊ Sweat Droplets)(Growing Heart )(Wedding )(Ring )
Don’t tell anyone
WHAT
Is secret
But I am Canadian man now
ARE YOU SERIOUS
You are allowed to tell Harris
And give Chiron a kiss for me(Face Throwing A Kiss )
But Shane Hollander is definitely the husband?
I was there, I think I would know
Yeah, I guess?
So Hollander, huh?
What is that like?
We are not talking about this
Yeah totally cool
Congratulations Roz!
Thank you, Barrett

Cap

How did it go?
How did what go?
You were talking to the mascotte
The big beaver?
He is called Chuck, yes?
The beaver is called Chuck
But I was talking to Theo
Theo!
That is great
You asked him out?
What?
No!
Why would I?
Hmm yes
Why would you?
I don’t know?
Tell me about Theo
Eh, he is nice?
Why is he a beaver
He likes to make people laugh
He is also pretty good with kids
It’s really cute
Cute, huh?
Oh
I didn’t mean it like that
Okay
So you talk to him about…
His job mostly
And my job, I guess
And that is why you had to laugh so hard?
He is pretty funny
He is cute, he is funny
So what is wrong?
Nothing is wrong?
But you didn’t ask him out?
I don’t even know if he likes me like that
Not that I like him in that way!
I mean, I’m not…
Luca
Yeah?
You had a poster of me shirtless above your bed
You weren’t shirtless!
But I guess that wasn’t really subtle
You think?
So you’re not weirded out?
Luca, why would I be weirded out?
I don’t know
You’re gay, bisexual or whatever you want to call yourself
So is the rest of the team
Why would I think it is weird?
I don’t know
Sorry
Don’t say sorry
And I would call myself gay, I guess
Just like your other dad!
What?
He will be very proud of you
Just like me 😊
Thanks
You really think I should ask out Theo, though?
He likes you
He does?
He was laughing at your jokes!
That doesn’t mean he likes me!
Luca
Who ever laughs at your jokes?
Uhm
No one
Like I said
He likes you!
I still don’t know
What if he isn’t even gay?
Or is gay, but you’re wrong and he doesn’t like me?

Luca + Dads(Growing Heart )

Cap added you to the conversation
Cap added Shane to the conversation
Cap
Shane
Tell your son it’s okay to go on a date
Shane
Luca can do whatever he wants to do
And he is not my son!
Cap
Sorry moya lyubov
*Our son
Shane
You’re insane
Shane left the conversation
Cap
Don’t worry Luca, your dad is not really angry
He doesn’t have to be here if he doesn’t want to?
Cap added Shane to the conversation
Cap
Shane
Luca really needs our help
Shane
Do you, Luca?
I mean, kind of?
Shane
Okay, what’s up?
Cap
Luca has a crush on the beaver
But he doesn’t know if he is gay
Or if he likes me back
Shane
Theo?
Definitely gay
Cap
How do you know his name is Theo?
You have barely met him!
Shane
I pay attention
Cap
I also pay attention!
Shane
Sure!
So, Luca, you like Theo?
Yeah..
He is nice
And he is funny
Cap
He also laughs at Luca’s jokes
Shane
Really?
He must really like you then
Cap
(Face With Tears Of Joy )
Shane
Sorry Luca
It’s okay 😊
You’re not surprised I’m gay?
Shane
Not really?
It’s great, though!
I’m gay
Cap
We know, sweetheart(Face With Tears Of Joy )
Shane
I’m really proud of you, Luca
You are?
Shane
Of course!
Thank you 😊
Shane
And for what it’s worth, if you actually like Theo, you should ask him out
He seems nice
He really is
Cap
I am getting very emotional(Loudly Crying Face )
What?
Why?
Cap
My son is bonding with his dad(Loudly Crying Face )
Shane
Ilya
Can you not be normal for once?
And he is not our son
Cap
He could be
I can ask Farah to get the adoption papers
I would be lucky to have you as my second parents 😊
Shane
Luca
Please don’t egg him on
Cap
(Loudly Crying Face )(Loudly Crying Face )
My son wants me to be his dad
(Loudly Crying Face )(Loudly Crying Face )
Cap, are you okay?
Cap
I’ve never been more okay
Shane
He is not okay
I’m in the living room and I can literally hear him crying in our bedroom
Cap
Lies
Oh
I’m sorry
Shane
Not your fault
He’s an idiot(Face With Rolling Eyes )
Cap
You love it
Shane
God help me I do
Cap
Luca
Yes?
Cap
After you go on a date with Theo, bring him home
I will need to approve
Shane
I don’t know if you should do that
He is already making a list with questions
Cap
I am not!
I will be very nice to him, I promise
I don’t even know if he will say yes
And maybe the date goes super bad
Cap
Then you call us
We will come rescue you
Shane
Don’t call him, call me
I will rescue you in a normal way
Thanks dads
Cap
(Loudly Crying Face )
Shane
Luca
Please don’t call us that
Sorry
Cap
No son, it’s very okay!!
Don’t let your other dad be a bad influence
Shane
The only person being a bad influence is you
Your jokes are rubbing off on him
Cap
Is genetic
He got his gay from you
Jokes from me
Shane
That must be why no one ever laughs at his jokes
Cap
What?
No!
I’m very funny
Please don’t fight near me
I can’t handle my parents divorcing(Crying Face )
Cap
Shane?
Your son is worried 😊
Shane
You two are the worst
Luca, text me if you need more advice
Or call me
Cap
And me? (Crying Face )
Shane
Why would you need to text or call me, you’re literally in our bedroom?
Cap
Come join me then(Smirking Face )
Ew
Leave me out of this
But thanks, Shane 😊
Shane
You’re welcome
Let us know how it goes with Theo
I will
Shane
Trust me you have nothing to be worried about
He would be an idiot if he doesn’t like you
I will keep that in mind
Cap
Good luck, son!!
Thanks dad
Cap
Shane(Growing Heart )
Why are you ignoring me?
Shane left the conversation
Cap
Don’t worry, Luca
I will fix this
We will not divorce(Growing Heart )
Wow, I was so worried that was actually going to happen

Hunter

You and Hollander
When did that happen?
Am I right to think he was the mysterious man you were talking about?

Bennett

Didn’t see that coming, Rozanov
But congratulations again
Were you serious about the invite to the wedding?

Price

I heard from Fabian that you went public.
Congratulations Ilya!
Extend my congratulations to Shane as well.

Troy

Finally Roz!!
Happy for you, man

Luca + Dads (Growing Heart )

Luca
I am so excited for you guys!
Congratulations again 😊

bisexuals!! and gays 😊

You added Shane(Growing Heart ) to the conversation
You added Troy to the conversation
You added Luca to the conversation
You added Hunter to the conversation
You added Bennett to the conversation
You added Price to the conversation
After the many many questions I got
I thought I would get all of you here to clear some things up
Shane(Growing Heart )
What am I doing here?
I know everything already
Shane(Growing Heart ) left the conversation
Nooo moya lyubov come back
You added Shane(Growing Heart ) to the conversation
Shane(Growing Heart )
Ilya, I don’t know why I have to be here for this
We are thanking our ancestors
This involves you too
Hunter
I’m with Hollander on this
What am I doing here?
You are ancestor
Also now we can answer everyone’s questions at the same time
Luca
Why do I have to be here?
You told me everything already
Because you are our son and we want you here
Any other questions?
Luca
Nope, very clear 😊
Hunter
You are corrupting this kid
Haas, if you ever want to join the Admirals, give me a call
Luca
I’m good
But thank you Mr. Hunter
Hunter
I guess you really are their son if you start calling me that
And please don’t call me that, it makes me feel old
I don’t get it?
Hunter
What?
How can it make you feel old if you are old?
Hunter
Fuck off
Watch your language, there are children here!
Shane(Growing Heart )
Ilya, can you get on with it, I want to get out of here
Anything for you(Face Throwing A Kiss )
AVENGERS ASSEMBLE
Shane(Growing Heart )
That doesn’t make any sense?
Ah that is because you fell asleep during the movie last week, moy dorogoy
Price
Is that from marvel?
I started watching that
A man after my own heart
Educated and smart
Hunter
What does being smart have anything to do with marvel?
Do I hear an uneducated man talking?
I can't understand you
Maybe you don’t have your teeth in
Shane(Growing Heart )
They’re called dentures, Ilya
And Hunter is not THAT old
Hunter
Wow, what a defense.
Bennett
Troy
Troy
I was the first person you told about the secret wedding, why am I here?
Like I said
Everyone had many questions
Troy
I didn’t
Hunter
You knew about the secret wedding, Barrett?
Troy
He told me after I figured out he and Shane were together
Lies
Troy
No, it’s not?
Oh
After Harris helped me figure out he and Shane were together
My good friend Harris
Also a very smart man
Back to business
Questions can be asked now
Bennett
When did all this happen?
Kyle wants me to ask
Bennett!
My fellow bisexual!
Glad you could join the party
Hunter
I’ve been to better parties
Shane(Growing Heart )
I prefer to not go to parties at all
Hunter
So why exactly did you marry Rozanov here?
Because he loves me 😊
Shane(Growing Heart )
He needed Canadian citizenship I guess
What?
No, this is not true
Shane, tell the truth immediately
Shane(Growing Heart )
You said it first
I take it back now!
Shane(Growing Heart )
No takesiesbacksies
Take what?
What does this mean?
Shane
Moya lyubov, what do you mean?
Shane is being weird 😊
Don’t worry, he married me because he loves me very much
Hunter
You sure?
Shane(Growing Heart )
Hmm I don’t know
You really wanted that Canadian citizenship
Hahaha I married a very funny man(Face With Tears Of Joy )
I love you Shane(Growing Heart )
Hunter
Is this normal?
Barrett, Haas, you see them everyday
Troy
Pretty normal
Luca
This is just how they are 😊
Shane, can you say it back please?
You are being very funny(Face With Tears Of Joy )
Shane(Growing Heart )
Sorry I was busy
With who?
Where are you?
Bennett
Never though I’d see the day where Rozanov was whipped like this
Troy
It was a surprise for us too
But Shane is definitely wearing the pants in that relationship
Hunter
I’m remembering this as quip material
If only your memory still worked
Hunter
Weren’t you busy freaking out about your husband not loving you?
No, it’s fixed
He came back to give me a kiss 😊
He was joking
Like I said I married a very funny man(Face With Tears Of Joy )
Bennett
So exactly how long has this been going on?
Price
2010
Troy
2010
Wait, I know but how do you know?
Price
Ilya told me a few years back
Troy
What?
He didn’t want to tell the team for ages!
Luca
We had bets on when it all started
Shane(Growing Heart )
You did?
Luca
Oops I wasn’t meant to share that 😊
Sorry Shane and Ilya
Hunter
Hollander, did you birth this kid by any chance?
Unfortunately Shane can’t get pregnant(Crying Face )
I’ve been trying
Shane(Growing Heart )
ILYA
Hunter
Way too much information man
Price
He likes talking about his personal life.
I found out about that the hard way..
Bennett
Exactly how do you know so much about this, Price?
Price
I walked in on them kissing at the summer camps
Twice(Smirking Face )
Hunter
Unluckiest man in the world
Price
Yes.
I’m just glad I don’t have to keep this a secret anymore
But you did for a long time
Thank you
Hunter
So to clear this up
You are actually in love and have been since 2010?
Yes!
Shane(Growing Heart )
No
Shane?
Shane(Growing Heart )
I’m sorry, I meant:
We’re in love NOW
But we definitely weren’t back then
We were just a little bit(Face Throwing A Kiss )
Shane(Growing Heart )
You were an asshole
And you liked it
Shane(Growing Heart )
…Maybe
Not maybe
And you were shy
Very cute(Face Throwing A Kiss )
Shane(Growing Heart )
😊
Hunter
So what, two hockey players walk up to each other and suddenly you’re in bed together?
Exactly!
Smartest thing you have said today, Hunter
Hunter
How did you even know the other was gay?
Troy
You don’t want to know
(Shower )(Aubergine ≊ Eggplant)(Upwards Black Arrow ≊ Up Arrow)
Hunter
What does this mean?
We were in the showers and our dicks went up
Hunter
Gross
I definitely didn’t want to know that
Troy
I told you
Hunter
I should have listened
Shane(Growing Heart )
ILYA
YOU CAN’T JUST TELL PEOPLE THIS
But it was our first time together!
It's a cute story 😊
Shane(Growing Heart )
It’s not cute.
Lyubimyy, please don’t be angry(Crying Face )
Shane(Growing Heart )
I’m not angry.
Luca
Dads? Are you getting a divorce?
Hunter
Yep, no dna testing needed
If there are no more questions, I must go
My husband is angry
Hunter
Ha, you are in trouble now, huh?
Troy
DON’T ASK
Yes, how sad for me(Crying Face )
A husband that wants to have angry sex with me(Smiling Face With Horns )
Shane(Growing Heart )
ILYA
I’m coming!
(And so is Shane(Winking Face ))
Hunter
My bad
Shouldn’t have asked
Troy
You’ll get used to it
Hunter
I’m not sure I want to
You have no choice(Smiling Face With Horns )
Hunter
Weren’t you busy?
Troy
STOP ASKING QUESTIONS

End Notes

Come talk to me on threads: @evawritess_ 🙌🏼