Rating:

Mature

Archive Warning:

No Archive Warnings Apply

Category:

M/M

Fandoms:

Heated Rivalry (TV), Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid

Relationship:

Shane Hollander/Ilya Rozanov

Characters:

Ilya Rozanov, Shane Hollander, Hayden Pike, Ottawa Centaurs Team Ensemble (Game Changers)

Additional Tags:

Book 6: The Long Game (Game Changers), Post-Book 6: The Long Game (Game Changers), Established Relationship, Montreal Voyageurs | Montreal Metros Being Assholes (Game Changers), Coming Out, Alternative Universe - They don't get outted by Brad, fuck brad, Relationship Reveal, Shane Hollander Walks Ilya Rozanov Like A Dog, Ilya Rozanov Loves Shane Hollander, Fluff and Angst, Homophobia, idiots to lovers, They are always in love but they are still idiots, no beta we die like ilya's shitty dad, Fluff, mostly book compliant, Fix-It of Sorts, Married in Secret, Shane Hollander/Ilya Rozanov Relationship Timeline Reveal

Language:

English

Series:

Part 1 of Shane and llya are Idiots in Every Universe

Stats:

Published: 2026-02-14 Completed: 2026-02-22 Words: 32,135 Chapters: 8/8

Never Tell Me The Odds

Summary

The prologue picks up mid-book 6, but rather than Brad posting the video to Twitter he sends it directly to the Montreal Metros. In this universe, Shane and Ilya are not outed to the world, but Shane is still kicked off the Metros team and transfers to Ottawa.

This fic follows Shane and Ilyas first year as teammates, settling into their lives together after getting secretly married over the summer. In this timeline, Shane learns to heal from the wounds of being outed to his team, Shane and Ilya get to ease into being a full-time couple before being thrust into the spotlight, and they get to navigate coming out on their own terms.

After a decade of the world being too hard on them, I just really wanted my favorite husbands to find a soft place to land. While the road is still long and difficult, this AU is all about putting them back in control of how they want the world to see them. It also gives so many more hilarious opportunities to watch other characters react to them coming out.

Chapter 1: Prologue - Rule #1: DON’T GET CAUGHT

“No dude, I am telling you Jackie has a weird 6th sense about these kinds of things, I really feel good about our cup odds this year. Do you think it will be weird playing against Rozanov? Oh hey Jack” Hayden nodded to the security guard as he let Shane and Hayden through the security check near the locker room. 

They had only 3 hours before the puck dropped on their first playoff game against the Centaurs, and Shane was trying really hard not to think too much about it. They had always been really good at not letting their competition come between their relationship, but this was the first time in literally years that Ilya had a team that was making it to the playoffs. Still, they had been doing this for a decade, Shane had to believe that Ilya wouldn’t be too upset when Montreal knocked them out of the playoffs.

“We don’t really talk about it. I am just trying to keep…” Shane made his way through the threshold of the locker room and immediately forgot what he and Hayden had been talking about. The entire team was early, even by Shane’s standards, but not a single member of the Montreal Metros was getting ready for the game. They were all just seated on the benches, like they were waiting. For him?

Nearly running into the back of Shane, Hayden looked just as confused as Shane felt. “Umm, hey guys…. Who died?” Shane could tell Hayden for a joke, but it didn’t quite reach his voice. The whole team just stared for another moment before Drapeau finally spoke up. 

“You two, if one of you doesn’t explain what the fuck is going on. Maybe explain when our C and A became fucking traitors” 

“What the fuck are you on about now, Drapeau?” Hayden immediately snapped. Before the goalie shoved his phone into Hayden's hands, Shane could already distantly feel the floor begin to tilt underneath him and the roar of an ocean swirling inside his head. He didn’t really understand what was happening yet, but somehow his body was filled with dread. 

He looked over at the phone, momentarily confused. It was a video of Hayden doing one of his fanmail videos, then in the background, he could see the real reason they were watching the video. He saw himself and the love of his life kissing, clear as day in the reflection. He was so completely fucked.

“We could all ignore the fact that you were a fucking fairy, but sleeping with the enemy is a step too fucking far.” Someone said from the back of the room. Shane wasn’t entirely certain when the last time he breathed was, but it had clearly been too long. The problem was that his brain was no longer communicating with his body, and he couldn’t get his lungs to restart again. He was just a frozen statue standing in the middle of the locker room, wishing he could just disappear. 

“That’s fucking bullshit, Comeau, and you know it.” Hayden's voice spoke up from beside him. 

“Oh fucking get off Captain's dick Pike, he’s clearly got it reserved for someone else so you don’t need to ride it so hard” Someone said. Shane was past words, past understanding who was speaking anymore. 

“It’s not like you’re much better than Holly over here, since you were helping them sneak around Pike. Probably why Rozanov has been less of a dick to you this season, you were probably sharing insider information just as much as Captain was.” 

“All of you are fucking assholes. Hollander won us two cups back-to-back. He’s a fucking All-Star. He is our captain; he deserves more respect than this.” Hayden spoke up again. Shane couldn’t think. He wasn’t sure if the last time had blinked. Was he going into shock? Or maybe he was having a heart attack. That would probably be better than dealing with whatever the fuck this was right now. If the news had gotten out, why hadn’t his phone been blowing up? God, his mom was probably freaking out. He should call his agent. Fuck, he could call Ilya.

He recognized that people were probably still talking, his team still staring at him, but he couldn’t bring himself to tune back into reality. Maybe if he tries really hard, he'll wake up from this nightmare back in his fiancés arms like they had been this morning. God, he was so fucked. 

“Hollander. My office. ” Theriault shouted from behind them, loud enough that the whole team had gone silent. He was going to die.

Shane floated through the next 6 hours, not really in his own body. 

Theriault had taken him back to his office to tell him that he’d been benched for the game. The video of Shane and Ilya had been sent directly to Drapeau from fucking Brad (fuck Brad) via Instagram to pass along to Montreal management. Brad wanted payment; otherwise, he’d leak the video, which Shane quickly agreed to pay in minutes. He spoke with his agent who drew up some kind of exclusivity deal, which Farrah explained would legally bind Brad (fuck Brad) into never sharing the video with anyone else again. 

Frankly, Shane was almost insulted that Brad hadn’t asked for more money. Shane would’ve given his whole salary to avoid that video seeing the light of day. The bigger problem was Drapeau who had also shared the video with the entire team already, stating that they deserved to know who their captain really was. So they all knew. 

The Metro’s had benched him, citing “personal reasons” to the press and threatened to take legal action for “attempted game fixing” or some shit if he contacted Ilya before the game. Even though Ilya was clearly, to anybody who knew where to look -  off his game because he was worried sick about Shane’s absence and radio silence, the Centaurs still won that game by two points. 

Shane spent that night sobbing into Ilya’s arms, desperate to cling to the one thing that still mattered to him now that his hockey career was over; he was certain. But for better or worse, his life and his career weren’t over. 

The following day, Theriault called Shane and told him to get his ass to practice. The Metros would never have admitted it, but they knew they couldn’t win the cup or even the playoffs against the Centaurs without their star center. Without Shane. 

The damage had been done, however. The locker room had gone from awkward to hostile to borderline unsafe for Shane with every loss the Metros had against the Centaurs. Shane crumbled under the pressure and homophobia from his teammates. They didn’t even make it to the 7th game of the series. For the first time since Shane had been captain, the Montreal Metros were out of the playoffs in the first round. In only 6 games. 

Breaking news: Montreal Metros neglect to re-sign Captain; the former All-star signs below market rate deal with hometown Ottawa Centaurs. 

by Mitchell Hoffman

Published 1 hour ago

In a stunning turn of events that has the hockey world reeling, the now former Montreal Captain Shane Hollander has not resigned with the Montreal Metros but surprised everyone by instead signing a 3-year contract with the Ottawa Centaurs, his hometown team. Publicly, the former Team Canada Olympic captain said that the split was an amicably made decision, citing his desire to be closer to his parents and his desire to be back where he grew up as his main reasons for the upset of a trade. Anonymously sources from within the Montreal team spoke off the record that the team opted not to even make Hollander an offer to re-sign, calling the center a “traitor who didn’t deserve to wear the blue, red, and white” of the Montreal uniform. 

Even considering a less-than-friendly parting, Hollanders decision to move to Ottawa is still stumping analysts all over the league. One analyst reports, “Hollander could have easily gotten 20 to 30% more than his contract calls for, and he would have had his pick of almost any team in the league. In my 30 years reporting for the MLH, I have never seen anything like it” 

Read more……

Shane Hollanders 31st Freckle @puckwhisperer - 1:28pm July 2nd, 2022

Jesuz what kind of witchcraft voodoo shit are the Centaurs doing in their locker room to sign Hollander two years after they signed Rozanov #Illhavewhatsheshaving

254 Retweets 4.2K Likes

Dee Dude @jstDylan916 - 2:45 pm July 2nd, 2022

Hollander said he wanted to retire a Metro, then turns around and pulls this shit? No wonder they are calling him a traitor

74 Retweets 1K Likes

Future NHL WAG @hockeybabe81 - 2:59 pm July 2nd, 2022

It’s so obvious that his new bestie Rozanov talked him into moving to the Centaurs. Did no one else watch them at the All-Stars in 2017? They are going to be fucking unstoppable. What a great time to be a lifetime Cents fan 

49 Retweets 2K Likes

Cents #1 Fan @JustPuckingAround - 3:50 pm July 2nd, 2022

My decade of loyalty to the Centaurs is finally paying off - The Cup is ours this year bitches #ThankYouMontrealMetros

60 Retweets 449 Likes

Metros 4 Lyfe @BetterThanTheYankees - 3:57 pm July 2nd, 2022 

Who wanted to have a Hollander jersey burning party at Centre Bell this weekend? #FuckHollander 

809 Retweets 8K Likes

Amy C @NYhockeyGal - 4:15pm July 2nd, 2022

@BetterThanTheYankees Are you delusional? clearly the Metros did something to push Hollander out of the locker room, and now the whole Atlantic division is fucked with Hollander and Rozanov on the same team #FucktheMontrealMetros

39 Retweets 4K Likes

Chapter 2: “Here, watch me.” “I am”

Chapter Summary

Shane joins his new team, the Centaurs, and the rivalry lives on!

Chapter Notes

When it came down to it, it had ultimately been Ilya’s decision for them to not come out over the summer. He knew Shane better than any person in this world and he knew his husband would have been overwhelmed by all of the big changes that were coming at him right now. The trade. The move. The wedding. Living with another person full-time after a decade of basically being a bachelor. Even for someone like Ilya, who was more adept at navigating the world through life-changing differences, it was a lot. Ilya knew that, for someone who preferred organization and schedule like Shane, it would’ve been hell. 

Even though Ilya’s own move to the Centaurs had been planned out for much longer than anyone other than the Hollanders knew, it had still been a difficult transition for him. Shane loved Ilya so deeply that he would’ve come out over the summer if Ilya had asked for it. And Ilya loved Shane so much that he wanted Shane to settle into their new lives as gently as possible. Just having him wake in his bed every morning was enough. For now.

Still, looking up at their names in the locker room, Hollander and Rozanov, side by side without the hyphen joining them as it said on their marriage certificate, Ilya was a little sad that the world didn’t know. Ilya would be willing to stay in the closet for the rest of his life if it meant he could play on the same team as Shane. Holding each other every night. Go on the same road trips every week. 

Even though they agreed they wanted more time before they were out, they were so in love Shane and Ilya just couldn't wait to be married. So they were, right on the dock of the cottage with the Hollanders and Pikes there with them and the officiant agreed to delay the registration for the legal one year they were allowed in Ottawa.  One year for Shane to get settled into his new team and then Ilya would shout it from the rooftops. One year before he could tell the world that this man was his. 

It was still the middle of summer, the rest of the locker room looking abandoned, but the Centaurs PR team had set up a photoshoot in the locker room. They staged his and Shane’s lockers to look like it was the middle of the season, though more polished and with significantly less sweat. Shane had just finished signing his official contract, followed by an extensive media round, and Ilya couldn’t wait to get him home so he could fuck his husband in his new centaurs jersey. But first, he smiled at the camera, shaking Shane's hand for the photo. 

“Yes, Hollander, welcome. Now you can not only be the second-best player in the MHL, but also the second-best player on this team”

“At least I’ll always be the fastest skater.”

“No, that was basically tie. It does not count.” Ilya was beaming with happiness and pride; struggling so hard to conceal the glee with his typical snark. 

“Still not what the clock said” Shane’s said with a small smile. It made him look positively radiant.

“Alright, you too, you’ll have the whole season to chirp at each other. We just need a few more photos of you two looking handsome, and then we will get Shane’s official photo for the website and media package” Harris called from next to the camera. 

Ilya didn’t comment that he had definitely seen Harris filming them, no doubt for some quick social media fodder - the rivals to friends narrative already carefully being spun. He also didn’t comment that Harris was definitely wearing even more pride pins than normal in an adorable attempt to make Shane feel even more welcome than he already was. Ilya simply returned to smiling at the camera, holding his husbands handshake with more tenderness than the world could currently know. This time next year they would be doing a photo shoot for a very different announcement. 

~~~

Once Shane was done with the media circus and being prodded by the PR team, his new coach, Coach Weibe, took him on a tour of the facility. If anyone else had offered, he probably would’ve declined the invitation. After all, this was Shane's hometown; he’d been in this arena more than any other in his life other than the Bell Centre back in Montreal, but he took it as an opportunity to get to know his new coach. 

“Here is our team film room. The rookies recently broke a few of the chairs in a stupid prank, so make sure you get here early for the next week to make sure you get one of the good chairs before practice. And finally, this is my office, please feel free to stop by and visit anytime. Please consider my door always open.” Coach Wiebe made his way around his desk and sat down, Shane following his lead into a chair just across from it. 

“Thank you, sir” Shane said somewhat awkwardly. Despite hearing Ilya’s stories of his years with the Centaurs, Shane didn’t actually know what to expect from this man.

“Shane, I don’t want to speculate on why you and the Metro’s parted ways, but I want you to know that we feel very lucky to have you. I also want to let you know that we’ve done a lot of work to ensure that this team is incredibly inclusive and welcoming. Even before Troy came out, we made it very clear in our locker room that chirping and teasing are fine, but any amount of bullying or harassment would be dealt with swiftly, and Ilya has also been a big proponent of mental health support on the team. All this to say, I want you to feel that you can come to me or any of the management team if you are struggling getting settled in any way. We want you to feel completely supported here” 

Shane had been surprised by a lot of things since making the trade to Ottawa, but the thing that stood out in particular was that Wiebe always used his players' first names. He wasn’t sure why he was so hung up on it, but it made Shane feel like his new coach actually saw him as a person and not just another star center to win points. It was almost unsettling.

“Thank you, Sir.  Rozan- Ilya spoke highly of the team culture here. Umm… it was one of the reasons why I was so eager to sign with Ottawa... Actually, I didn’t give my agent any other options.” It was partially true. Shane and Ilya mutually decided that they didn’t want to look at any other options for Shane being traded. They wanted to play together, and Ilya assured him the team would be supportive when they announced their relationship. It was the only place that even made sense, knowing the whole picture.

Still to be told that this was a good team and to see it were two different things entirely; he couldn’t help but be a little stunned. He shook his new coach's hand and made his way home.  Made his way to Ilya.

Shane being… well Shane, had spent weeks agonizing over buying a new house or apartment in Ottawa, at least for the year. Renting would've given the appearance that he wasn’t looking to stay. The cottage was two hours away, so it wasn’t suitable. And even pretending to be staying at his parents' as a 31-year-old man was not an option. Still, he reasoned that he needed somewhere else to live part-time besides Ilya’s house to keep up appearances. After hearing about it for hours, one night Ilya finally put his foot down. 

“You are not buying another “investment property” just for it to sit empty for a year. You are not team captain” He hadn’t said it to be cruel, just a fact “You are not required to hold parties and no one will look sideways that they haven’t seen your place since you are not particularly social. If anyone really asks, we will tell them you are staying with your close personal friend Ilya Rozanov while you finalize plans to build something because Mr. Real Estate is too picky to buy anything brand new. By the time anyone follows up on it, we will be in the playoffs and close to announcing our marriage anyways.” Shane had wanted to argue further, but Ilya had one more ace up his sleeve. Ilya looked at Shane with overwhelming earnestness and continued. 

“We’ve wasted so many years already. More than some couples are ever given to love each other. I am not giving up a single morning in bed with you, just on the off chance that someone will want to see your home. You are staying” Then Ilya promptly kissed him senseless and then did the thing with his tongue that drove Shane out of his mind. 

Hours later though Shane mustered up the tiniest bit of resistance. 

“I’m not picky” He said somewhat petulantly, “Just particular about things”

“I know, moya lyubov” 

So that was how Shane woke up for his first day of training camp, in his husband's arms. For all Ilya's persistence though, Shane wouldn’t allow Ilya to drive him to his first day of practice. There was only so far their “friendship” could justify before people started looking closer. 

Plus this allowed Shane to get to the rink 30 minutes before the rest of the team was expected to be there and he deeply needed the quiet to settle himself for the day ahead. Shane quickly got himself into his training gear, making his way onto the ice to get lost in the familiar feeling of his blades on the ice. The rest of the world was crazy, but this… the rink was predictable. Shane knew exactly who he was here.

He drew lazy circles on the ice, letting his breathing begin to flow in time with his turns. Then, as if a light switch had been flipped, he took off on the ice taking the puck with him and dodging invisible opponents. Swerving left and right, zig-zagging across the ice, he made his way towards the opposing goal net. But just as he was going to take his shot, the puck was stolen away by an enemy stick. Shane’s eye flashed as he made eye contact with the only hockey player that had ever been able to truly keep up with him - his husband. Pure electricity and heat raced over his skin and straight into his very bones.

Oh, it was fucking on. 

~~~

The locker room was empty by the time coach Wiebe entered to make his way towards the practice rink. But rather than finding his team warming up for their first day, he found the entire team and training staff in the stands looking down at their two star centers on the ice. Rozanov and Hollander were playing keep away with the puck, but with an intensity that would have been more suitable for the Stanley Cup finals. 

The two men moved with a grace and ferocity that Brandon Weibe himself had never managed in his MLH career. Frankly, it was somewhat of an honor just to watch the two battle with such impressive skill. The two men gave the exercise their all, all the while chirping and laughing at each other - the respect they had for each other clearly showing through every movement and check.

“How long do you think they’ve been going at it?” 

“I don’t know, but I’ve been watching them for 15 minutes at least.” Luca Haas said, his amazement clear in his voice.

“How do you even get that good at hockey? They both move like they were born with skates on their feet.” Bood said admiringly.

“We are so making it to the playoffs again this year” LaPointe chimmed

“Bro, don’t fucking jinx us before the season has even begun.” Bood gave the rookie a hard but friendly punch on the shoulder.

Wiebe wished he had come a bit earlier - almost envied his players who had gotten to watch Hollander and Rozanov practice against each other. But there would be plenty of time for that during the rest of the season. 

“Hollander! Rozanov! You’re supposed to be learning how to play together this week; you don’t need any more practice as opponents.” Wiebe bellowed down towards the rink at his new star players. 

Suddenly, Shane looked up and Ilya took the opportunity to snag the puck away from him once more. The once-empty rink was immediately filled with onlookers, his new team intently watching him and Ilya on the ice. Shane was thankful for the small amount of sweat building up, enough to cover the blush beginning to form on his neck and cheeks.

“What moy pomidor, I thought you liked it when people watched us at center ice” Ilya said low enough to only be heard by Shane. His blush was seconds from becoming embarrassing, especially on his first day. 

“Fuck off Rozanov” Shane said loud enough for his new team to hear and skated away. 

~~~~

Shane’s first week on the team had gone amazingly. He got along well with his new linemates, especially Luca Haas, to the point that he almost didn’t miss the familiarity he had with Hayden as his right wing for the last decade. His and Ilya’s summer conditioning had paid off so well that Shane almost didn’t even feel worn by the time practice was done on Friday afternoon. 

Ilya had just finished slowly taking off his gear, Shane already in the shower (Shane had threatened him within an inch of his life that they, under no circumstances, would be showering at the same time at the rink), when Bood made his announcement. 

“Alright guys, good work this week. Party at my house tonight; partners and friends absolutely invited. Meat is on the grill at 6:30. Bring your own beer.” After Bood got down from the bench, he spoke more directly to Ilya

”Will you be joining us tonight, Captain? Or are you dashing off to whatever mystery “thing” keeps your time too busy to spend with us?" It was at this moment that the reality of the season they had ahead of them really settled in. Ilya didn’t need to “dash” away and drive two hours to Montreal anymore, desperate for any stolen nights and mornings he could get with Shane. He could spend the night with his team and still fall asleep that night with his husband. 

“No, Bood. I think you’ll find I have a lot more time to party this year”

“Let’s fucking go!” Bood clapped his back with a smile. 

~~~~~

Ilya was having the best team party of his life. Sure, in his past life on the Raiders, his team would’ve gone out to a club, drink more than an entire college fraternity, and he’d probably go home with one or maybe even two hot women at the end of his life. No, tonight was a million times better. 

After hours of the rookies being shell-shocked, getting to talk to Shane Fucking Hollander, someone (Harris) had talked Shane into doing shots. Multiple. Which led to Ilya sitting back on the Boodram’s couch watching Harris and Canada’s Golden Boy of hockey do a karaoke rendition of My Heart Will Go On. Shane looked fucking radiant. 

“So Hollander is getting along well with the team, especially my boyfriend” Barrett said to Ilya, side eyeing him on the couch. 

“Yes, Hollander is very… socialable.”

“Word on the street is that the rumor I heard about Shane being gay is probably true. Harris says it’s basically an open secret online” Ilya could feel Troy’s stare boring into the side of his head.

“Yes, well it would make sense that after a homophobic team like Montreal he’d want to come to - what does Harris call us - the gayest team in the MLH.” Ilya worked to keep his tone as neutral as possible. Since Troy was the only person on the team who knew Ilya was bisexual, he was sure to put a few more pieces together now that Shane was on the Centaurs. Still, Ilya wasn’t going to give anything away easily. Barrett didn't look convinced.

“Hmm, I wonder if he would be interested in a threesome since him and Harris are getting along so well. Maybe I should give him my number.” 

“Maybe, you should stick to fucking your apple farmer if you want to keep all your current teeth intact tonight” Ilya’s eyes had snapped over to Bennett, filled with fire that had made lesser players cringe in fear on the ice. 

”I fucking knew it! How long has this been going on, between you two, I mean?” Troy looked a little too excited. Luckily for Ilya, the karaoke duo had just wrapped up. Before they could begin another song, Ilya whined over to them. Ilya was not having this conversation tonight.

“Harris, your boyfriend is boring me. Come, let's play a game”

“Ooh, okay, I’ve got Heads Up on my phone! Who wants to play?”

Within ten minutes, the group, including Ilya, Shane, Wyatt, Bood, Cassie, Troy, Harris, and the rookies, had all devolved into hysterical laughter. Shane had just finished an abysmal round with the category “celebrities” and had only managed to guess one person correctly. Rose Landry. 

“I just don’t get it man, you literally dated one of his cast members, how do you not know who Hugh Jackman is!” Harris exclaimed.

”haha I don’t really follow celebrities that closely, I barely know who half of Rose’s friends are these days!” Shane said, looking only a little embarrassed.

”Guys, you know what I’ve just realized? We now have two members of our teams who have literally dated superheroes! Hollzy, you need to invite Rose out with us sometime, I need to ask her a million questions about the making of the X-Squad movies” Wyatt began to ramble. 

“Umm, maybe! Ilya your up next for a category.” Shane quickly deflected. Ilya scrolled through his options, landing on the perfect category and laughed. MHL stars. 

“Okay, Hollander, finally one you won’t completely suck at” and pressed the phone to his forehead. In seconds of seeing the category, Ilya could see Shane lock in, even if a little sloppy drunk. 

“You're old, right-wing. Bears” 

“Marlow”

”Dating Kyle” Shane spat out before anyone else got the chance speak.

Ilya smiled “Eric Bennett”. Someone in the group asked “Who’s Kyle?” but Shane and Ilya continued on with no comment. 

“Oh! Won that face off against me in the Gold match in Sochi” 

“Carter Vaughan - very embarrassing for you” 

“fuck off! - Got the most penalty minutes last season”

”Dallas Kent”

”Objectively should’ve gotten rookie of the year last year.”

”Luca Haas”

”Montreals 15th… well now 14th best player according to you”

”Hayden Pike” At this point, no one else on the team was even attempting to contribute.

”Kissed on the ice”

“Ugh Scott Hunter, you should’ve just said dinosaur. I would’ve gotten it” 

“Shh… hmm umm… ha the best player in the league?” In the back, someone said under their breath “God, are they always this competitive?” but Ilya wouldn’t take his eyes off Shane to see who it was.

”Oh me! Of course.” Ilya said. Shane looked at him with amusement and barely concealed heat. 

“No, Ilya be serious… Fine “Boring”” Shane said the final words in a horrid Russian accent. 

“Oh, Shane Hollander” and just like that, Shane and Ilya had cleared the board in under a minute. They both stood quickly for a victory cheer. Shane looked poised to throw himself into Ilya’s arms but quickly aborted, swaying on his feet, looking moments away from falling over. 

"Fuck, are they always like this?" Ilya was pretty sure that was Bood, but he couldn't look away from the stunning man in front of him. 

”All right All-Star. We should get you home for the night” Ilya put a steadying but hopefully friendly-looking hand on Shane's shoulder. Troy looked at the pair of them knowingly, but the rest of the group didn’t seem the least bit suspicious. “You don’t need to show the team how bad of a lightweight you are before the season even begins.”

Bood piped up, “Do you guys need a ride back to your homes?” 

Ilya responded, “No, I finished drinking two hours ago. I’ll make sure Hollander gets home safe” and led his very drunk husband towards the door. 

As they grabbed their coats and made their way to Shane's boring Jeep, Shane kept rambling. 

“They are all such great guys. Harris just hangs out with them... And no one makes it a big deal.” Shane said, sounding incredulous.

“I know, Shane” Ilya just smiled.

”And - like- Troy and him are just a couple. In public. And there wasn’t one single weird glance or side eye or shitty comment at all all night! They cuddled and touched just... in front of anyeveryome”

”Yes, darling” Ilya dared to say as he got his husband into the passenger seat.

“And everyone just already knew that I was gay and didn’t call me Holly or ask if I’m the “girl” gay or called me a fairy.” Shane didn't sound pained, more like he was actually deeply surprised.

Ilya smiled sadly at Shane. God, his standards for friendship or even basic human decency were so low; it was abysmal. Perhaps Ilya hadn’t given Shane enough credit for just how much homophobia Shane had dealt with on a daily basis in his own locker room in Montreal. 

“I’m glad you are happy, Shane.” Shane beamed at his husband and god, if that wasn’t Ilya’s entire life summed up.

Chapter End Notes

Thank you all so much for reading. This fic has completely taken over all of my waking thoughts for the last two weeks and I am so excited to finally begin sharing it with you all

I have chapters 1-5 all completely written already, so expect a lot of long updates this week!

Chapter 3: I thought if someone like that ever loved me, it would set me on fire

Chapter Summary

The Centaurs play Montreal and.... it's going to go down. Shane Hollander-Rozanov has his man on a fucking leash.

Chapter Notes

Getting to train with Ilya every day was like a dream for Shane. Yes, it was wonderful getting to play together, but if anything, their rivalry intensified and flourished under the constant contact. Each day, they would compete in every little thing, pushing each other harder and faster and better than ever before. They’d have speed skating competitions and snark at each other's daily shot accuracy. They’d out-bike each other, out-chirp each other, and they played each scrimmage against each other like the pride of their entire countries were on the line. 

Ilya would start off every face-off by reminding Shane of a time that he’d beaten Shane in competition. Shane would ask him to remind Shane how many Cups he had, or who won the Calder their rookie season, or who led the league in shot accuracy last year. Both men, steering far from the jibes that would actually hurt like the Olympics or last season's playoffs. 

And when they practiced drills for the power play, switching off playing right wing for each other, it was like magic on the ice that no one could really comprehend. After 13 years of watching each other on and off the ice, studying each other intently, Shane knew exactly where Ilya would be at any given moment. Without looking, he could pass the puck across the ice knowing exactly where Ilya would want it to make the goal. Ilya could predict when Shane would fake out the opponents and when he was actually going to shoot. They played like they’d been on the same line for decades, not just months. They played like a pair of ice dancers, perfectly in sync with one mind connected between two bodies. No one else on the team commented; too afraid to jinx the magic, but everyone could see it was kismet. 

Every day, they pushed each other harder and harder, bringing a ferocity and intensity to the rest of the Centaurs. Sure, the team still laughed and joked, but seeing two generational talents push each other to be even better, they couldn’t help but be inspired. The preseason went well, and the start of their season was much the same.  Hell is better than well. They were 5 weeks into the regular season, and they were second in their division, just behind Boston in points. If they kept playing like this, the Centaurs were going to be a shoo-in for the playoffs. It was magical.

Right up until their first away game at Montreal. 

Shane had been playing like shit. He knew it. Ilya knew it. Fuck, Shane could even see Wiebe considering giving Shane less ice time he was playing so badly. 

Thank god for Wyatt because it was almost the end of the first period and not a single team had scored. With three minutes left in the first, one of the Montreal rookies got a two-minute penalty for high-sticking and so Ilya and Shane made their way out onto the ice for the power play; Ilya taking center ice for the face off. Shane really couldn’t hear what Ilya and Commeau were chirping at each other, but he didn’t really care because Ilya won the face-off and sent the puck Shane's way. 

The moment he was in position of the puck, Shane darted towards the goal, quickly dashing around JJ and making his way into the opposing side, Ilya right on his heels. Shane was finally feeling like his skates were moving correctly again, when Commeau came out of nowhere, slamming Shane into the boards in a way he knew would hurt. Hard enough that Shane knew his ribs would probably be pretty badly bruised in the morning. It was a dirty hit, but a legal one. 

Shane was just getting himself picked up off the ice with a hand from JJ when he heard gloves hit the ice. Within a flash, Ilya was beating the shit out of Commeau. 

“What the little fag can’t fight his own battles, he needs his fucking boyfriend to do it,” Commeau spat out toward Shane. Ilya didn’t even respond; he just barreled into Commeau, looking like a man on a mission. If Shane wasn’t so pissed at Ilya for the penalty he was about to get, he’d almost be flattered, but Ilya was about to waste the power play they just had. 

Shane let Ilya get in a few more good punches, the refs just beginning to come towards the brawling pair, before he spoke up. 

“Ilya. Enough.” Shane’s voice was barely raised, but he knew his husband heard him. He didn’t even look to see if Ilya listened to him - he knew that he would - Shane just made his way back to the bench, and spent the remainder of the period seething. 

Shane was one of the first of the Centaurs back in the locker room during intermission. He began to tear the top half of his equipment off, needing to be free of the overwhelming padding encasing him. Ilya came in shortly behind him, much more slowly. He couldn’t really look at the man right now, so Shane spent a long while slowly untaping and re-taping his stick. He could hear a low rumble of chatter coming from the rest of the team, but it was nowhere near the boisterous cheer that was typically cast over the locker room with this group, even when the games weren’t going so well. 

“Shane, are you okay?”

"Okay? What the fuck was that Ilya?” Shane rarely allowed his emotions to come out in the locker room, but he couldn’t hold back his rage.

“After what he called you, I couldn’t stand to let that go unchecked.”

"What Ilya? What did he call me? A fag? A fairy? Your bitch who likes to take it up the ass?” Shane could see the rest of the team cringing behind them, Troy in particular flinching, but he couldn’t bring himself to care. “Fuck Ilya, you think I didn’t hear that shit almost weekly when I was in this arena? From opponents. From fans. From my fucking teammates? I don’t fucking care what is said about me. Let them say what they want, I don’t give a shit. I give a shit about the scoreboard. You want to help me rub it in their smug faces what they’ve lost? Help me fucking score some points. Don’t throw away fucking power plays just so you can punch the daylights out of Commeau” 

Shane really couldn’t stop himself from what he was going to say next, but he had at least had the wherewithal to switch into Russian - momentarily grateful that no one else on the team knew it.  Even though he wasn’t really supposed to know it either.  

“I don’t need you to be my husband right now, I need you to be my fucking captain.” Shane nearly threw his stick into his locker and stormed off to the bathroom connected to the locker room. 

Ilya watched his husband walk away. He knew he’d fucked up the second he dropped his gloves, but he just couldn’t handle listening to Montreal continue to harass Shane all night. Hadn’t they fucking taken enough. 

“Umm, since when does Hollander speak like fluent fucking Russian?” Bood asked from across the room. The rest of the room looked equally stunned and confused. Ilya had to pull himself together, had to keep their cover because he knew Shane could not handle their relationship coming out to these men right now. He barely trusted them all with the puck, he’d lose it if this was how the Centaurs found out about their relationship. 

“He learned it a few years ago when we were still rivals to chirp me better on the ice. Said he didn’t want anything to get lost in translation.” Ilya laughed, but the light didn’t reach his eyes. 

“haha sounded more like a lovers quarl” one of the rookies chirped, but someone next to him swatted his arm, warning him to stand down. Ilya gave it a few more seconds, and made his way to the bathroom. 

Shane stood in front of the mirror, eyes clearly full of tears, but stubbornly refusing to let any fall. He looked like shit. 

“If you want a captain right now, I will be your captain. You’re playing like shit tonight - “ Shane tried to cut him off. “No, stop. You are playing like shit tonight because you aren’t trusting the rest of your line to do the work. You are trying to play the whole game yourself, same as you did in the playoffs last year.” Ilya let a beat pass, the silence punctuating the fact that Shane wasn’t arguing. He knew Ilya was right. Ilya continued.

“We are not Montreal. We are not going to let you go fight out on that ice alone. You do not need to win this alone, Shane.” He didn’t want to overwhelm him, so Ilya slowly brought a hand down to rest on the back of Shanes back giving him plenty of time to pull away before Ilya made contact. Shane didn’t flinch away. 

“Moya lyubov, It’s not just me out there with you. Luca. Bood. Hazy. Dykstra. Fuck, even the three musketeers, Holmberg, LaPointe, and Young. Every single one of them has your back out there. And they don’t really give a shit about winning, they just want to have your back. I know you haven’t been with the team long, but they would rather clear the bench to defend you against those assholes, than let you suffer out there alone. So get your shit together and tell us what you need.” 

Shane took a few deep breaths and finally looked Ilya in the eye. 

“I am sorry you had to listen to that bullshit. I know that video outed you to them just as much as it outed us. I know you just wanted to protect me. Ya tebya lyublyu” 

”Don’t you waste any of that Russian now. I’ll be making you repeat it all to me tonight. Slowly,” Ilya looked at Shane with a heated determination. Just enough to let Shane know that he would follow him to the end of the earth. Even over the edge if he must. 

“Let's go” 

~

Shane was never really one for speeches; he preferred to let his skills do the talking to his previous teams. But this wasn’t his previous team. So even though he wasn’t the captain or even the alternative on this team, he took a moment out of the last few minutes of intermission to address his new friends. 

“Hi everyone, I know I haven’t gotten to know most of you all that well, but well that’s because I have a hard time trusting other hockey players right now. I spent the last decade of my life in this building, giving this home team my blood. My sweat. My youth. And for years, I hid being gay because I knew they wouldn’t like it. By the time I did tell them, I figured I’d given them three cups, so they shouldn’t like, hold it against me, but they did, even when they pretended to tolerate it. And the second, they didn’t approve of the person I loved-” Shane pointed didn’t look at Ilya for this moment “they threw me out like I was worthless to them. Like, I didn’t matter. Like he didn’t matter.” 

“But even before I joined this team, Rozanov showed me that camaraderie on the ice could be different. That you all were different. And so I came to this team, not because I was looking for new brothers on the ice. But because I could have friends I could trust.”

“Even though I haven’t known you all long, I know that I can trust you. So I am asking for your help tonight. Because even though I want to punch the light out of almost every motherfucker on that team, I want to humiliate them more. I want to get a fucking hat trick against them tonight. And then have Rozanov get a hat trick. And fuck have every single fucking member of this team score a goal on them, including fucking Wyatt. I want us to be the fucking boogeymen that their rookies have nightmares about leading up to the playoffs. I want to score so many points on them tonight that they want to burn this building to the ground in their own humiliation.” 

“So I am asking you, as your friend, are you with me?” Shane looked around the room at the men with pure aggression in their eyes, but he knew it wasn’t towards himself. 

“Holl-zy”

“Holl-zy. Holl-zy. Holl-zy” Shane wasn’t quite sure who started the chat, probably because his vision was getting a little blurry, but soon the entire locker room was chanting his name like it was game 7 in the cup.  Within seconds, the entire locker room was ablaze with unmatched ferocity. The only person not chanting was Ilya, who only looked on at his husband with pure pride. 

Shane led the team out of the locker room and back to the rink he was born to be captain on.  

The rest of the game was not easy by any stretch of the imagination, but Shane was no longer playing like a man alone on a mission. He was playing, like he was a member of a well-oiled machine. The first goal Shane made was hard fought - certainly not elegant, but a dirty fight in the crease to chip it in just over the line. 

The second Shane scored a goal, Montreal got even more aggressive, which made them sloppier. They spent so long going after Hollander that they barely noticed when he slipped Haas the puck, who then proceeded to make a textbook shot into the upper left-hand side of the net. 

Suddenly, the Metros go from mad to completely pissed and are all over the place. The shifts change, and just 17 seconds of game play after Haas’s goal, Rozanov takes a shot almost from the blue line and makes one of the craziest goals Shane and the hockey world has ever seen. God, Shane is so in love that he could kiss Ilya on the ice right there. 

And just like that, the Centaurs end the second period 3-0. 

The locker room is much more jovial this intermission, much more like the standard Centaur fair. This time, Shane stays quiet, taking in the warm determination of the men around him. Ilya and he don’t speak, but share a fierce knowing look. Ilya puts a hand to his own chest, right over where a chain is hanging down with a cross and a wedding ring side by side. Shane mimics the motion, the matching ring and chain hanging down over his own heart, before lightly knocking his helmet against his husband's. 

The Metros come out into the third period angry and swinging, bulldozing over the Centaurs to fire 4 shots on goal in rapid succession. To Hazy’s credit, all of them were incredible shots, so it’s remarkable that only one of them went in, but it still gets Montreal on the scoreboard. 

The quiet storm building on the Ottawa side is so electric, Shane wouldn’t be surprised if the fans up against the boards could feel the hairs on their arms raising. The storm is only punctuated by Ilya’s constant digs towards the Montreal team during every moment he can spare a calculated breath. 

They are only 2 minutes into the third period when Shane gets the puck on a breakaway. In a mad dash to the goal, he gets there before any defenders have time to respond, with only the goalie standing between him and the net. But Hollander has spent hours, weeks, years practicing shots on this specific goalie; knows exactly what fakeout he’ll fall for. Shane sinks the puck straight into the back of the net. 

4 minutes of play later, Commeau gets a penalty for checking Shane while he was nowhere near the puck, and the Centaurs get another power play. Shane and Ilya are back to their mind-reading tricks again, completely in sync once more. Ilya makes it to the net with the puck first, with a clear shot ahead of him, but sends it over to Shane. He should be irritated at his husband for not taking an easy shot, but instead smiles indulgently and fakes a pass back, Ilya gearing up as if he is about to take a shot. The goalie dives for where he expects Rozanov’s shot to come from, not realizing the puck was still with Shane the whole time. Shane barely registers that he made the shot until the buzzer is blaring loudly into a noticeably dimmer crowd. 

They are winning 5-1. Shane has his hat trick. Montreal is seething. 

The Centaurs play a defensive game for the next large portion of the period, working in shifts, taunting the Metros but never fully keeping their eyes off of an opportunity to score again. Rozanov assists Luca with his second goal of the night, and the few Centaurs fans in the stands are going absolutely feral. They are wiping the floor with the home team, who only two seasons ago won the fucking cup. 

A few minutes of play later, Commeau seems to have scored a goal after stealing the puck from Ilya with a hard shove into the boards. But then, by the grace of whatever hockey gods there are, the ref calls a no-goal. 

Commeau’s gloves come off first. Ilya gets a shit-eating grin plastered across his face but looks over towards the bench, making quick eye contact with Shane - a clear question in his eyes. Almost imperceptibly, Shane nods his approval, and Rozanov’s gloves are on the ice seconds later. 

Within seconds of the brawl beginning, the bench on the Montreal side is cleared, Ottawa following shortly behind. Even Hazy, fucking Wyatt Hayes, makes his way to center ice, taunting the Montreal goalie Drapeau to meet him there. Drapeau takes the bait and the crowd goes absolutely wild. It’s not often you see a goalie brawl after all. 

Shane doesn’t really feel like fighting much, so he meanders over to his best friend, still on the ice but not engaging much with the fights going on around them. Hayden throws an arm over Shane's shoulder, laughing with his friend about the chaos going on around them, speaking low enough that any words will get lost in the fray.

“Just to be clear, um, did I see you give permission to your husband to knock the daylights out of Commeau?” Hayden whispered, with just a little bit of incredulity in his voice. 

“Yup” was all Shane had to say for himself. 

“Fucking hell man, that’s some gladiator shit… Are we all still on for dinner later tomorrow?” Hayden responded with a laugh. 

“Oh yeah! We already confirmed with our coach that we didn’t have to drive home with the team tomorrow morning, and we have an off the following day as well”

The rest of the game was pretty boring, once the refs finally got everyone back to their benches. With no other scores for the rest of the night, the Ottawa Centaurs and Shane Hollander walked away with a 6-1 win against their division rivals.

Shane was just glad it was done.                     

Chapter End Notes

The whole 17-second thing was based on a playoff game from Chicago in 2013. I had the privilege of seeing this live on TV then, and it was the most intense hockey I ever remember watching. So, of course, I just couldn't resist adding it to my head canon for my favorite fictional hockey team.

Chapter 4: And then inexplicably you had the audacity to love me back

Chapter Summary

A new Centaurs group chat is born, and Ottawa plays Toronto!

Chapter Notes

The grueling 82-game season was only halfway finished, but the Ottawa spirits were high. Of the 40 games the Centaurs had played thus far, they had won a staggering 27 and were in prime position for the playoffs, but no one wanted to say it out loud just yet. 

Practices were still going well. Shane and Ilya had always felt in sync, but the more Shane practiced with Luca and Boyle on his line, the more he felt at home on the ice again. He was truly no longer alone out on the ice, but trusted his fellow player implicitly in a way he had never felt secure in Montreal. 

The in-house rivalry between Shane and Ilya didn’t show any signs of slowing down or stopping cooling. The team didn’t know that almost every week, the two secret husbands would place bets with each other over their performances. A scrimmage game in practice one Tuesday won Shane an extra-long blow job that night. One win against Dallas two weeks later had scored Ilya Shane riding him (cowboy style, of course). And of course, Ilya scored a very sexy hat trick at an away game in New Jersey, which almost caused Shane to break his very strict “no-sex-during-travel-games” policy, but Shane reasoned that a blowjob didn’t really count as sex.

It had been like their pre-marriage rivalry, but better. This time, even if the men individually won or lost, their team always benefited from the extra ferocity the Hollander-Rozanov husbands brought with them. If Shane and Ilya were being entirely honest, the wins and losses of the regular season probably wouldn’t have been enough to get them really playing at their most intense without their own private rivalry brewing.

For better or worse, the rest of the Centaurs weren’t clued into their little games, so they only saw the most vicious chirping and shit-talking between teammates with none of the benefits on display. Unfortunately, Ilya had a good point; they had spent so long pretending to be rivals that their love was completely obfuscated. Hell, some of the team were concerned that Shane and Ilya weren’t actually even friends and had only started their joint charity together to provide more opportunities to chirp at each other. 

This all came to a head one afternoon when the two men had genuinely sounded like they were going to come to blows over an argument about the number of points they had received their rookie seasons - over a decade ago - arguing over who should have really received the Calder award. And while the Centaurs were not the kind of team that would have secret group chats that excluded specific members just to talk about them…. This day, a secret group chat was born. 

Centaurs Team - Hollanov + Harris

Bood: we need to have a serious discussion about captain and Hollander

Harris set group name to Centaurs Team - Hollanov + Harris

Dykstra: What the fuck is a Hollanov?

Harris: It’s Hollander and Rozanov shoved together

Luca: It’s their ship name

Bood:….. Do I even want to follow up with “what’s a ship name?”

Luca: It’s the name people use to describe a pairing of two people that they think should get together. 

Luca: Like romantically 

Luca: Typically

Bood: And why do you know what Hollander and Rozanov’s “ship name” would be….

Luca set the group name to Cantoaurs Team - Hollander - Rozanov + Harris

Harris set group name to Centaurs Team - Hollander - Rozanov + Harris

Bood: Anyways... back on track we genuinely need to have a conversation about the two of them. To every other member of the team, they are good veterans. Veritable hockey gods, the rest of us are just better from being on the same ice as constantly. 

Young: i get porked up just watching them skate on the ice

LaPointe: Seriously, what the fuck was in the water at their draft year JFC

Holmberg: They got dat dog in dem

Dykstra: Respectfully rookies, what the fuck are you talking about

LaPointe: Sorry were not old as fuck. How’s menopause going for you?

Harris: Anyways…. Okay, I am just going to say it. We don’t think that captain is like.. homophobic, do we? Like he was always a good ally to me and was super supportive of Troy when he came out but… Maybe it’s different when its your best friend?

Wyatt: Plus he’s got that really intense beef with Scott hunter too. Kinda checks out.

Young: Hunter is like Captain gay after all

Bood: Young, shut up.

Troy: I can guarantee you that Rozanov is not homophobic. 

Harris: Troy

Troy: what

Harris: you’ve been very silent during this conversation up until that very concrete statement… What do you know?

Troy: …. 

Troy Barrett has left the group

Harris Drover has added Troy Barrett to the group 

Troy Barrett has left the group

Harris Drover has added Troy Barrett to the group 

Troy: IT IS NOT MY PLACE TO SHARE ANY INFORMATION THAT I MAY OR MAY NOT HAVE. 

Bood: Okay. Well regardless of whatever meltdown Troy is having, I have a plan. 1st, I want everyone to be extra welcoming to Hollander this week. Make sure that he is feeling appreciated. This team was really great last year, but Shane is the ticket we really need to become actual cup contenders and I want him to know that he has a place here, even with Roz being a dick

Holmberg: Me all week: Talk Valentina… ALLY

Bood: 2nd. this Friday Cassie and I will be hosting another BBQ and I want everyone to put in an effort to play NON-COMPETITIVE games that will help Shane open up to the rest of the team without drawing him and Ilya into another duel or anything. 

Bood: Everybody on board? Rookies just like this comment, you don’t need to say odd shit 

Everybody liked this message

3 days later

Wyatt: umm my “be nice to Shane Hollander” contribution may have backfired a little bit

Young: Bruh captain looked like he was aiming those slap shots to go straight through your head and detach your soul from your body

Wyatt: Yeah, I think I may have some bruising through my pads. 

Chouinard: What the hell did you even say to Hollander anyway?

Wyatt: Well, one of the other guys in my yoga class is gay and mentioned being single, so I said to Hollzy that if he was ever looking for a date there was this cute guy in my yoga class. Hollzy turned bright red, and then Cap kinda lost his shit, going “Hollander does yoga, he does not need hot yoga boyfriend” and then took out some aggression on me in target practice. 

Harris: Umm Wyatt, I think the guy in your yoga class might have been trying to ask you out on a date… but also still very weird behavior from Ilya. WTF

Wyatt: Oh… Why would he be asking me out, I’m not gay?

Harris:…. This team is clueless

Wyatt: but then Shane basically said “Umm I actually already have a partner thank you” when I told Hollzy that he should bring the guy around to a team BBQ sometime, he just managed to get more red and said “umm I don’t really feel comfortable doing that yet” and just kind of stared at Rozanov

Harris: OMG see, he doesn’t feel comfortable being “out” in front of us yet. Especially Ilya!

Young: Why wouldn’t he feel comfortable being out with us? We are like the gayest team in the league! Luca’s been thirsting over Cap all year and we’ve like barely made fun of him for it yet

Luca: I have not been “thirsting” over Rozanov

Young:

~~~~

The first part of Bood's plan was kind of a bust, so this was how the whole team ended up sitting around the fire pit in the Boodram backyard playing Never Have I Ever. Even Harris couldn’t think about how the simple party game could possibly be turned into a competition.

Young called out, “Umm never have I ever slept with two separate girls, umm, I mean people, in one night.” Ilya took a swig of his beer, along with half a dozen other members of the Centaurs. Shane looked almost smug; he was so sober even though the game had been going for a solid 30 minutes. 

For LaPointe's turn, he said “Never have I ever been in a situationship!” Harris, Luca, and several others reluctantly took swigs - Ilya included. 

“What’s a situationship?” Shane asked

”You need to drink Hollander,” Ilya said extremely seriously. 

“Oh” was all Shane could reply with before taking another drink. 

“Okay well, never have I ever had sex while watching a game,” Luca said, and the whole team groaned, basically everyone taking a drink including Shane.”Wait, is that a normal thing to do? What the hell?”

“You have to play this game more strategically, Luca. You need to utilize knowledge you have of specific other players and leverage that to get them more drunk and maybe catch a few other strays along the way. For example Never have I ever had sex while wearing a jersey that wasn’t mine,” Ilya said helpfully. 

Shane stared daggers at Ilya but took a swig. Surprisingly, Luca Haas also drank too. 

“It’s always the quiet ones,” Boodram joked before Shane blushed in the firelight. 

“Okay, fine! Never have I ever read smutty fanfic of myself on the internet,” Shane said indignantly. Only Ilya had to drink at that, and the rest of the team chirped at him for it. 

“What, it helped improve my English! Plus is fucking hilarious!” Ilya looked at Shane with a devilish glint in his eyes.

”Never have I ever bought a building just to fuck in.” The whole team stared, knowing who Ilya was targeting but not quite believing it… Shane took a drink. 

“Wait Hold the fuck up, Hollzy, you bought a building just fuck in? Like a sex cave?!” This time, it was Tanner Dillion who spoke up. 

“Yeah, well, being gay hasn’t been particularly awesome for my career. 10 years ago, it would’ve been tantamount to a death sentence for my prospects. I was a little more paranoid.” 

“A little?” Ilya chirped. 

“Hey man, I don’t know if anybody has said it yet, but it's still pretty fucking brave that you came out. We can’t all be Scott Hunter, but knowing that you were even partially out by choice… well, it made it easier for the rest of us,” Troy spoke up across the fire sincerely. 

“Thanks, Troy.” Shane looked over at him, partially draped over Harris’s legs. Shane felt a pang of jealousy at the couple, wanting more than anything to touch Ilya. Soon…

”Ugh, you are all so boring. We play perfect game for you to tease out all Hollanders juicy secrets and instead you get all fucking.. what’s the word Hollander…. All honest and sappy and shit”

“Sincere?” Shane looked slightly misty-eyed. The man hadn’t even had a full beer, but hopefully the team would take it as being the result of the alcohol. 

“All sincere and shit” Ilya continued, trying to lighten the mood so his husband didn’t look so close to crying. “The man literally scored 5 goals in one night just because his fuck buddy at the time dared him too! God, you all even play truth game boring.” The rest of the team laughed and looked astonished and clearly surprised by the sex life of their newest teammate. 

“And how the hell do you have that information, Roz?” Dykstra chimed in. 

“I told you. Shane Hollander is best friend for years. Spend countless nights teasing out all of his darkest secrets. Makes for very good chirp content. You all are wasting good opportunity.”

”Not all of us need to do stand up just to win face-offs Rozanov” Shane quirked up. And God, Shane hoped that none of the team was looking at his face too closely because he was so damn fond of this man, it hurt to keep it in. 

“I still just don’t fucking get how the two of you are friends. You guys compete on the ice like Roz stole your girl - er partner - and you’ve got to defend your honor. Even on the same team, it's like a 24/7 playoff game. What do you guys even talk about when you hang out, other than hockey?” Bood said. 

“Ahh you see that is the thing, Hollander does not talk about anything other than hockey if given the chance. Is why he needs me. I make him more cultured. Like the time I -” Shane cut Ilya off before he could say anything truly embarrassing.

“Alright, that’s more than enough hazing of the new guy. I am getting another beer. Anyone need anything?” No one took him up on the offer, but as Shane was stepping away, he could hear the rest of the group break up into smaller portions.

A few hours later, Shane was sitting back on the couch watching the revelry around him with unconcealed amusement. Not for the first time, Shane reflects on how special this team is; how immediately accepting of his quirks they are. His favorite part of a party is just getting to sit back and observe, without being forced to be at the center of all the chaos. With the Centaurs, he could sit back and watch his husband play beer pong with the rookies or listen in on Wyatt's crazy conspiracy rants or watch Bood and Dykstra chirping each other back and forth, all from the comfort of the couch, just listening and observing. All without anyone complaining he’s being a buzzkill or forcing him to participate. And no one even gives him a second glance if he needs to step away from it all for a moment. If the lights or the noise became… too much all of a sudden. 

In Montreal, he would’ve left hours ago. But as the clock dipped its way towards midnight, Shane found himself content on the couch. He wasn't even irritated when he found himself with an unexpected companion flopping down next to them. 

”You know, I don’t think I’ve ever gotten a chance to properly thank you for joining the team. I know it's probably been a — weird adjustment and you probably could’ve had your pick of any team in the league. I still don’t think I entirely understand why you or even Ilya are here, but I am really grateful that you are. Bood looked over at Shane with so much… sincerity, it caught Shane off guard. 

“Thank you. I umm… Roz told me this team was great, but I guess I didn’t fully anticipate how much fun hockey could be again, doing it with people that.. I don’t know I guess actually like me…” Shane suddenly felt extremely shy. He appreciated that Bood was looking forward again, not forcing Shane to make eye contact with him. “Or maybe you guys just appreciate winning more.” 

“Shane, we’d like you even if you weren’t the best forward in the league - don’t tell Rozanov I said that. Even if we don’t understand your friendship with him at all, it's been nice having the mostly friendly camaraderie on the team.” 

“Hell, even if you never scored a single goal this season, I think having you here just for Roz would be worth it. Last year, he barely came to a single party or team social that wasn’t at an away game or a charity event. Plus, I don’t know, he just seems lighter this year. I didn’t realize it until now, but it was like he was really only ever giving us 50% of himself before” Shane felt Boods eye’s back on him then. The man clearly had a lot of unanswered questions that Shane was not going to be able to deal with tonight. 

“He’s always so social this year, I didn’t realize it was anything new,” Shane said, trying to be flat and somewhat diplomatic. 

“Yeah, pretty much since the guy moved to Ottawa, he’s been coming to practice, playing like a machine, and then disappearing off the face of the earth. There were even a few times that we’d drive over to his house on an off day just to check on him and the place looked abandoned. God, after some games he’d run out of the locker room so fast you’d think he had a hot date he was missing, but it’s his third season, and we’ve still never so much as seen him with a girl. Based on his reputation before coming here, I honestly thought we’d see him with a new girl every night but we haven’t seen him with anyone” 

“The asshole Playboy thing was for the media more than you’d expect,” was all Shane had to say. 

“Even so, we’re all still so curious to know what brought him to Ottawa. Like with you, we at least get it a little. We were in playoff contention last year, and you’ve got a friend on the team already. But before Roz, we were a shitty team that no one believed in, until he did at least…. Can you keep a secret?” Shane almost burst out laughing at the irony. 

“Of course”

”We have a running bet going about why he is here. He’s never given any one of us an answer, but keeps saying cryptic shit like “one day everything will be clear” and then never giving us anything more than that… do you know why he is here?” Shane smirked, hopefully convincingly. 

“Your guess is as good as mine, Boodram.” Shane didn’t like lying to the team, but there was no way in hell he could tell Bood even the tiniest bit of the truth without it becoming a bigger revelation tonight.

“Damn, I was really hoping you’d be able to settle it.” 

“Hmm, hopefully we will figure it out soon. What are some of the running theories?” Shane had to admit, this part was fun. By next summer, the whole team would know exactly what brought Ilya to Canada. Soon.

“After he first arrived, I think most of us assumed he was dating a married woman or something, but now that we know him so well— we know he’d never do anything like that. Current best guesses? Someone in the Montreal mob paid him off to tank Boston’s cup chances. That or someone on Boston management got shitty about Roz not getting the team a second cup quick enough, so he picked the worst team and decided to win that team a cup out of spite.” Shane laughed. He was happy to hear that Ilya's team had such high opinions of him, even behind his back. Bood continued, laughing along with him.

“Shut up man, the reality of him being here is so wild - there has to be some crazy explanation. What do you think it is then?!” 

“My guess… Roz wanted to one-up me in every possible way, so he created a convoluted plan to get Canadian citizenship before the 2026 Winter Olympics so he could steal the captaincy from me," Shane said.

“Oh shit, yeah that totally sounds about right. God, if you two weren’t friends, I’d think he’d taken the rivalry to seriously psycho-killer-stalker weird levels with how much he talked about you last year. It’s crazy that the rivalry isn’t actually real.” 

“Oh, it’s real, we want nothing more than to beat each other. We’re just also friends, too,” Shane said looking over at the man in question smiling. His husband looked over questioningly from the beer pong table across the room. Shane only smiled further, nodding that he was fine, and Ilya returned to the game. 

“You know, I didn’t even consider that this is probably the first team you’ve ever been on where you weren’t captain.. short maybe a year or two your rookie season. I hope you know I would’ve stepped down for you to take the A from day one.” Bood said seriously.

“No, I’ve never worn a title or picked up a trophy that I didn’t earn. Besides, I’ve been enjoying just being another one of the guys. Between your and your wife's social calendar and Ilya giving some of the best hype speeches in the league, I don’t really think I’d have much to offer as a captain. You both.. are really good leaders and you care. I don’t have any intention of replacing you Zane,” and Shane meant it. Bood looked over at him, almost misty-eyed but clearly trying to keep his cool. 

“Coming from you.. fuck that means so much to me man. Thank you. Still, I’m hoping you’ll be my co-alternate captain next year. The young guys look up to you too, you know.” Shane and Bood let a long pause pass between them. Shane couldn’t remember the last time he’d been this painfully honest with someone that wasn’t Ilya. Still, it felt nice.

“Anyways, I’m going to mingle some more. Thanks again for coming” and Bood stood and walked off towards the kitchen. Fuck, Shane loved this team. 

~~~~~

Toronto wasn’t quite as bad to play against now that Dallas fucking Kent was no longer on the roster, but to say they had improved by anything more than the tiniest fraction would have been giving them far too much credit. 

They had spent the better part of the game spewing every kind of queer insult they could think of at Troy and Shane - short of actually saying the F word.  This being the case, Shane didn’t even feel the tiniest bit sorry for them that the Centaurs had completely trounced them by the end of the second period. 3-0 Centaurs. 

Shane was proud of Ilya. Despite everything he heard being pointed towards Shane, his husband hadn’t thrown down his gloves once. He’d definitely upped his chirping game a little more than normal, but Shane himself was three seconds from telling the entire Guardians team where to shove it; so he was trying not to be a hypocrite. Their shitty chirps and unnecessarily dirty hits had really started to grate on Shane’s nerves. 

He bent down for a face-off at the top of the third period, hoping to just get through the next 20 minutes of game time without really having to acknowledge the other team's existence.

”You know I have a friend on your former team. The word on the street is that you couldn’t keep your weird sex shit to yourself. Apparently, your sickness even started to infect your friends and turned Rozanoff into a fucking fagg—“ Shane didn’t even let the new Toronto center finish his sentence before Shane fucking decked him straight in the jaw. 

Everyone kind of just let it happen for a moment, even the ref that had been coming up already for the puck drop, stunned by the absolute novelty that Shane fucking Hollander was throwing down on the ice. There was one little thing that people didn’t seem to understand about Shane, though. 

Just because Shane Hollander didn’t fight didn’t mean that he couldn’t. 

Shane took advantage of the stunned center opposing him and a ref that didn’t look too happy to jump in and got in three good shots before the ice exploded in chaos. Dillon and Haas both joined in the brawl, backing up Shane as the other two forwards from Toronto came up to defend their new guy. Someone got in a good hit on Shane, but he barely noticed, just continuing to tear at the center's jersey, not letting him escape while Shane took swing after swing. 

Moments later, Shane was pulled off the guy - by a teammate or a ref, he wasn’t sure. It was only then that Shane’s tunnel vision really started to clear, and he looked over at the Centaurs bench and saw Ilya looking at him with a swell of pride and unadulterated heat. Fuck, how did nobody see the two of them and just.. know. 

As Shane made his way over to the penalty box, he slowed to make a comment towards his husband. 

“What, didn’t feel like getting off the bench for a fight? Was this one not exciting enough for you?”

“You clearly had it handled,” Ilya said, his eyes smoldering as if he was going to undress Shane right now in front of everyone. “Besides, you already have hat trick tonight, if I am on the bench... it does not give me a chance to catch up.” Shane was about to continue making his way to the bench when Ilya continued. 

“What did he say to you?” Cold violence in the Russian man's voice. 

“Not much worth repeating, but he was about to call you a….” Shane didn’t really want to repeat it with the rest of their team in earshot. Ilya clearly understood the message, though. 

Less than a minute of play time later, even while Toronto had the power play, Ilya scored, playing like a man out on a mission. Just two minutes later, Ilya had possession of the puck again and seemed lined up for another goal, which would’ve been just absolutely absurd. Shane was so fucking in love with him. 

Out of nowhere, a Guardians defenseman barreled into Ilya like a freight train. The hit was technically legal but completely dirty as hell, and everybody knew it. Shane knew Ilya had taken hard hits before, but seeing it up this close almost broke him. 

Especially when Ilya wasn’t immediately getting up off the ice. 

Shane knew he needed to stay on the bench; the refs would have his head if he went out on the ice right now. But once the medical team started to make their way onto the ice, Ilya clearly gasping for air that he couldn’t properly get in, Shane no longer gave a fuck. He made his way to the locker room to quickly grab his shoes before they took Ilya off the ice. 

“Hollander, what the hell are you doing?” Wiebe blocked him before he made his way to the ice. 

“To the hospital, I need to go with him,” Shane said, almost frantic.

“Shane, you can’t leave. I understand that you are friends, but we still have 10 minutes in this game. I can’t be without two of my centers.” 

“Wiebe, I need — Fuck...." Shane looked out at Ilya with the medics, making a quick decision. "Coach, I am his power of attorney. If he can’t speak for himself and there is a medical decision that needs to be made, I need to be there” Shane said.

It wasn’t technically a lie, even before they were married, Shane and Ilya had set each other up as the other's power of attorney shortly after the almost-plane crash last year. They weren’t going to risk Ilya being unconscious in a hospital room without Shane being given access to him. Wiebe looked too stunned to stop Shane, so he kept moving to leave.

“Why the fuck are you his power of attorney Hollander?” Dykstra asked from behind Wiebe, looking extremely alarmed. Coach just looked at Shane for a long minute, some kind of understanding passing behind his eyes. 

“Go, the game is already won anyway. But we three are having a conversation about this soon.” Shane didn’t need to be told twice; he just ran off in the direction the medical team had just taken Ilya off the ice. 

Chapter End Notes

I am so blown away by all of your incredibly kind comments. Every single one had made my day!

Chapter 5: Sometimes you just jump and hope it's not a cliff

Chapter Summary

Ilya wakes up in the hospital, and the pool of people who know their secret grows. Shane grapples with the reality of what their truth means to the rest of the world.

Chapter Notes

For once in his life Shane Hollander-Rozanov was extremely appreciative to have an overbearing mother and a very large bank account.

While Shane sat in his husband’s hospital room freaking out, Yuna Hollander swept into the hospital with a copy of their power of attorney and pre-prepared NDAs for the whole medical team. Finally, when one of the nurses had insisted that Ilya was able to make his own medical decisions and non-family visiting hours were over, Yuna pulled out her trump card - a copy of their marriage license. 

Yuna also threw a bit of Shane's money towards one of the hospital’s many charities and got Ilya moved to a much nicer private room to set themselves up for the night. Their accountant would be able to use it as a tax write off anyways. Yuna Hollander knew how to get shit done. 

His mom's efforts had done a lot to help Shane breathe again; in another life he’d be standing helplessly by the check-in desk, denied entry to the man he loves just because the world didn’t know. Or didn’t care. Shane was probably a bad gay; he definitely didn’t know enough of his queer history, but his heart broke for the queer people of the not-so-distant past. He and Ilya were still in the closet by their own choice, albeit the hardest choice they ever made, but at least they still had a choice. Gay marriage was only legalized in Canada in 2005, in Shane’s lifetime. He hadn't known why at the time, but his heart had clenched just a little bit that day when he was 14 and saw the news on tv.

If he and Ilya had been born just two decades earlier, Shane would’ve been completely barred from entry or even from information about the love of his life. He thought about an entire generation of gay men lost to the AIDs pandemic. Shane wanted to weep for those whose loved ones died in hospital beds while they were denied entry at the door. 

But Shane wasn’t. He was here, and Ilya was breathing, and Shane thanked the universe for small miracles. Ilya opened his eyes to look at his husband, who was clearly moments from a breakdown. 

“This isn’t fair, when this was reversed, and you were in the hospital bed you at least got really good drugs. What did they even give me? Fucking Advil?” Shane was so happy to see Ilya joking that he almost wanted to cry. 

“Try fracturing your collarbone next time instead of a rib, apparently that’s how you get the good stuff.” Shane’s voice was wet and shaken, but right at this moment, he didn’t care. He was sitting here holding Ilya's hand, and he could see his husband breathing, and that was more important than anything else.  

“After tonight, you have to share one of your awards with another man,” Ilya set up the joke but when Shane didn’t immediately bite, he continued. “You are now one of two men who have completely taken my breath away.” Shane couldn’t help but smile. 

“You’re such an asshole,” he said with nothing but fondness in his tone. “You made me freak out and ditch our hockey game for nothing. If our team lost, you’re not getting any sex for a month, Mr. You were so dramatic, hitting the ice like -“ he stopped, his voice breaking and unable to continue. Shane wanted nothing more than to be lighthearted right now, to not make Ilya comfort him in this moment, but he was barely keeping the panic at bay.

“Shane, moye solnyshko, I am okay I promise. You heard the doctor: broken rib and a partially collapsed lung… I got the wind knocked out of me worse than anything else, I’ll be out of practice for 2 or 3 weeks tops. I am okay” 

“I know, my love, I just keep seeing you hit the ice again and again. I felt like I was strapped to the bench, unable to go to you but like I was going to die if I didn’t. I was a complete mess, and I kind of… I told Wiebe I was your power of attorney and he said we all need to talk about this together soon.” Shane wondered if he should feel guilty about potentially exposing their secret to the team, but he really couldn’t bring himself to care. He continued speaking. 

“You know, I don’t think I ever gave you enough credit for not giving us away back in 2017 when I got my shit rocked. When I was watching you struggle to breathe… I damn near jumped the boards right there and would’ve taken down anyone or anything in my path to get to you today. Fuck, I really hope our team isn’t furious right now, but I can’t really bring myself to check my phone.”

“It probably depends on the final score on how angry they are that you ditched the final period. What was the score anyways?” Ilya asked. 

Shane just blinked.

“Umm, I don’t know” 

“You, Shane Hollander… Shane Hollander Hockey Player, does not know the final score of the game we just played.” 

“I’ve been a little preoccupied!” Shane didn’t look the least bit guilty, but he did check his phone. “We won.” The two men we silent for a moment.

“Shane, you choose me over hockey,” Ilya said, tears beginning to well in his eyes. Shane could curse himself for ever making this man feel like he would do otherwise. For making him feel like he wasn’t the absolute most important thing in Shane’s life.

“Of course I did,” Shane just smiled and held Ilya’s hand. “I always will”

~~~~

It was only two weeks later that Shane and Ilya were sitting in Coach Wiebe’s office, looking like two teenagers that had been sent to the principal's office, not the grown men they were. Their coach was just staring at them, willing them to start speaking first, but these two players were too well media-trained to crack that easily. Brandon Wiebe just sighed, like he’d aged a decade in the last week. 

Ilya’s injuries had not been nearly as bad as Shane had initially feared. Fuck, he didn’t even have a concussion or anything. The hit had come at him so hard that he’d had a collapsed lung and a fractured rib, but altogether things could’ve been much, much worse. 

Even though it ended up being almost nothing, Shane didn’t regret going to the hospital one bit. After all, the Centaurs still won the game 4-2. Shane didn’t necessarily want to be out to the team like this, but he was surprised to discover that he wasn’t really fearful of it anymore. He hoped that he and Ilya could come out on their own terms, but could live with it if this was the moment it all came out. 

“Okay, I am going to talk for a few minutes, and you two fools are just going to shut the fuck up for a bit.” Wiebe only paused for a moment to confirm that they weren’t immediately going to cut him off before continuing. 

“When I was still playing myself, I had.. a fling.. with a teammate. It went on for a bit, and fuck, I was in love with him. It didn’t end well, obviously, but all this to say I fucking had you assholes clocked from before Shane even signed his contract. I get how your previous coaches probably didn’t notice anything, because they really didn’t want to, but if you chuckle-fucks have thought that you’ve been slick or coy, well… you’re wrong.”

“And I’ve been doing a good job keeping what I’ve seen to myself and my mouth shut because you two have been playing better than either of you ever had in your entire careers. Ilya you can just shut your mouth right now.” Ilya had indeed begun to open his mouth to respond, but had at least enough self-control to close it again. 

“But now, things have clearly escalated beyond casual hooking up or whatever the fuck you guys have been doing in your free time, and I think we’ve officially reached the 'HR and your fucking coach' need to know stage. So you are going to tell me what the fuck is going on between you two so we can game plan how to make sure this doesn’t impact our playoff chances this year.” 

Ilya and Shane just sat there for a few heartbeats, looking at each other, clearly having some kind of silent conversation between themselves. Jesus, they are so fucked, Wiebe thought to himself. 

Ilya just looked at Shane. Ilya had always been more ready to share their love with the world; most days, it felt like he couldn’t keep it in anymore. He needed to follow Shane’s lead on how they were going to handle this. But Shane seemed unbothered and focused; not panicking like Ilya would’ve expected if they had had a similar conversation a year ago. Shane broke eye contact first. 

“We are married. We have been since this past summer,” Shane said calmly, but direct, his jaw set like a warrior on a mission. “It’s not officially registered, like legally, yet, but we have until this next summer to do so. Which we plan on doing. After publicly coming out.” 

Brandon Wiebe had prepared himself for a lot of things to be said in this room today. But he had clearly not been expecting this. Everyone in the room stayed extremely silent as Coach Wiebe slowly stood up, opened a filing cabinet, and pulled out an unopened bottle of whiskey and a single glass for himself. He pointedly did not offer any to them. They stayed completely silent until he poured himself two fingers and drank deeply. Once the glass was back on the table, he finally spoke. 

“Okay. So, obviously I am supportive but fuck forgive me I was not expecting… that. How long has this been going on between you?” Another pointed, too-long look passes between the players again. 

“Either since the summer of 2017 or … the summer of 2010 depending on the metric you use.” Ilya said.

“Let's just go with long enough, then. Okay, so this relationship is stable enough not to implode in the next few months and completely fuck this season. That's good. To be honest, it's what I was most worried about.” Brandon looks like he might say something else, but just takes another long drink before continuing. 

“Okay, when are you planning on coming out? The team will be supportive, but it's still going to be a shock, and I don’t want them finding out the wrong way.” Wiebe said. Shane was almost a little concerned at how well he was taking this. Sure, he’d basically started this meeting by coming out to them, but this was such a stark contrast to a similar conversation he’d had almost 8 months ago with his previous coach… it still threw him off. It was one thing to know that the Centaurs were a truly good organization from the top down, but it was another thing entirely to see it happening in front of him. 

“We hadn’t talked about specifics yet, but we planned to after the playoffs, in the summer. I just needed some time this season to get settled in before coming out, and we wanted to do it at a time where anyone… Anyone who wanted to ask to get traded could do so with the least amount of inconvenience for themselves and the team.” Shane got out. It was hard to admit that he was still somewhat dreading the reactions of his teammates, especially since he already felt closer to them than he had with most of his Montreal brothers, even though he’d previously spent a decade with that team. His therapist called it an effect of the “trauma of being outed" and it being taken so poorly the last time. He still sometimes woke up with nightmares that the video had gotten leaked to the public, stressed about it most days, too. Shane wasn’t certain why he continued, but maybe this particular anxiety needed to be said out loud to truly be let go. 

“I don’t think I could forgive myself if I — if our coming out — cost another team the Cup two years in a row.” The words hung in the air heavy, but Ilya just reached over and grabbed his husbands hand. It was only just now that Wiebe saw the rings. 

Shane and Ilya always wore their rings, but they usually slipped on to chains and under their shirts before ever entering the arena, even just for meetings or practice. 

These little shits were always going to tell him today, Wiebe thought. He drank again, emptying the cup before pouring himself a little more. 

“Moya lyblyuv, we were outed to Montreal. We didn’t come out. You shouldn’t hold yourself responsible for that loss. And the Centaurs are a very different team. We won’t even be the first workplace couple in the organization,” Shane leaned into his husband's touch. Grounding. Secure. Safe. 

“It’s not my place to tell you gentlemen what to do. As your coach, it was my responsibility to determine if your relationship was going to detrimentally impact your time on the ice, which is clearly not the case. But… if you don’t mind me saying this, as someone that I hope you would consider a friend, I don’t think you two should have to suffer in the closet for another 4-6 months until we get to and through the series. There is not a single man in that locker room who wouldn’t support you both through war itself. They will all support you. And frankly, if they didn’t, I don’t want them on this team.” Wiebe took his final drink from the glass. 

“Besides, while they haven’t put anything together yet, I know the guys know that… something is going on with you both. That you both are hiding things from them and that is probably messing up the group dynamic more than your relationship will. Sorry, but once you know what you’re looking for, you guys aren’t particularly subtle.”

“I am not saying that the media isn’t going to be a fucking shit show. But that is my and the rest of management's problem to deal with" Wiebe just looked at the two younger men in front of him "

God, Ilya I am just so fucking proud of you. You were so lonely your first two seasons with us; I was deeply worried about you. But this season… you’ve had a light shining within you that everyone can see even if they don’t know the reason why yet. I just want you both to share that light with everyone.” 

Ilya was almost in tears. Coach Wiebe wasn’t that much older than them, maybe 10 years or so, but since Ilya's arrival here in Ottawa, he’d been somewhat of a father figure to Ilya. Wiebe had helped him settle into playing for a new team, cared about his physical and mental well-being beyond his role in his skills on the ice, and nudged Ilya into becoming a true role model for his team - not just a captain. And here was this father figure, looking him in the eye and accepting him for who he was. Who he loved. 

Without saying a word, for fear that he’d actually start crying if he did, Ilya stood up and just hugged the man. 

~~~~

It wasn’t even 11 am, and it had been a weird fucking day so far. And they still had afternoon practice. 

Their coach had left them alone in his office for a few minutes of privacy before they went down to the locker room, and Shane just completely burst into tears. After a decade of support that had been completely conditional on how well he played, on how many games he won, having this kind of unconditional… love was overwhelming. Not unwelcome, but still overwhelming. 

Through the tears, Ilya just held Shane like he had a million times before. Like he would for the rest of their lives. Before going down to the locker room, they took some time to talk.

They decided that they still wanted to wait before telling the team. Even if absolutely everyone was supportive and agreed to secrecy, the risk of them being outed to the media still would have grown exponentially. And while they also both agreed that they didn’t really care about the risk, they’d still prefer to do it on their terms. When… they didn’t quite know yet. But it had been a long couple of weeks and a very emotional day. They didn’t need all the answers right now. 

~~~

They finally made their way down to the locker room to get ready for practice, for once not being some of the first people in the room. 

“He’s alive! Guys – captain is here, and he looks like complete shit!” Chouinard called out and gave his captain a hearty pat on the back. Ilya covered a slight wince. 

“Piss off Chin, I still look better than you on your best day,” Ilya half-heartedly chirped back. Ilya began taking off his shirt in front of his locker, his back exposed to the rest of the team. Ilya couldn’t tell which, but one of the younger players let out a small gasp from behind him.

“Holy shit captain, you look like you got run over by a truck” Boyle chirped from across the locker room. Honestly, the bruises didn’t look great, half of his rib cage covered in partially faded green, purple, and blue bruises the size of pucks. Ilya turned around to face the team; he couldn’t have them seeing him as weak or damaged. They wouldn’t play hard enough in practice if they thought he wasn’t at 100%. 

“Come on now, you’ve all played hockey before, yes? I’ve played through the playoffs with worse than this. Is nothing” he said as casually as possible. And he was right, he definitely had been through much worse. He was about to tell them so when - 

“Captain, is that a ring?” Wyatt said, the room went entirely quiet. Ilya looked down at his left hand. Well shit. 

“Maybe, I don’t know, what does it matter,” and with complete confidence, like this was truly no big deal, Ilya took off his necklace, slipped his ring back on it like he did every morning before entering the arena. 

“But it's always just been on your necklace, you’ve never worn it on your hand.” This time from Luca.

”So you have been looking at me shirtless, Haasy” Ilya quiped.

“You do interviews shirtless, asshole” but Haas still turned a shade or two pinker before turning back to his locker. 

Ilya made eye contact with Troy, who looked like he’d seen a ghost. His eyes flicked between Hollander and Rozanov, seemingly putting together a lot of pieces and still not quite believing the result of the equation. Ilya couldn’t do anything other than offer him a pleading look that he hoped conveyed: you can freak out but please don’t do it here. 

“You guys better pay up, I fucking told you he moved to Ottawa for a secret wife. Oh man, I’m going to buy so many comic books with these winnings” Wyatt said to the room. Ilya just turned back to his locker to finish getting changed and shared a look with Shane. They didn’t want to do this yet, especially after their already way too emotional morning, they just needed a little more time. They could do this. 

“You know all know nothing Wyatt. Yes, okay I have partner. No, you can’t meet them yet. It’s very much not a big deal,” Ilya said doing his best to sound bored. 

“Oh come on, we need to meet her Captain! You can’t hide her forever, at least tell us her name” Bood called out

”No” Ilya said firmly. Then, with a shit-eating grin on his face, Shane spoke up, still slowly getting ready. 

“God, who could possibly be good enough to tie down Ilya Rozanov, North America's most illustrious womanizer. Oh, maybe that Svetlana girl you introduced me to, the one you know from back home. But fuck, she’s still back in Boston. She must really love your ass to put up with being so far apart most of the year.” Now that Shane wasn’t really scared of the truth getting out, he was having far too much fun with this. Not at all lying, but just dancing around the truth slightly.

And god, Ilya just looked at him so soft, Shane was sure he was going to just say the truth right there. 

“Yes, well, when you spend a decade loving someone, you make it work. No matter the effort”. The locker room absolutely exploded with questions about “Svetlana” and Ilya resolutely shut down every single one of them. 

Shane didn’t even feel the tiniest bit of jealousy. Soon, this locker room would be in an uproar about the truth, rather than what they implied, but he had no doubt that the team would be just as excited for them. Soon, Shane promised himself. Soon. 

~~~~

In previous years, Shane fucking loved the All-Stars games. In previous years, it meant a fun, carefree vacation with his boyfriend. But now that the husbands weren’t fighting for every scrap of time together, the weekend didn’t seem quite so special anymore. It wasn’t even held anywhere that fun, just New York, where Shane visited for games like 8 times a year.

And this year, in some cruel twist of fate, the theme had been “Rivals Unite”. In any other year, it would’ve meant he’d be paired up with Ilya on a team, but this year, all teammates were to be separated. He was put on a team with Commeau and some Dallas Kent wannabe from Toronto. Shane wasn’t sure if this was just some cruel twist of fate, or if Roger Crowell knew something that Shane really hoped he didn’t and was taking it out on him. 

Ilya at least had the benefit of getting placed with Scott Hunter, but they still had Drapeau as their fucking goalie. They were all fucking miserable. Ilya privately joked to Shane that they should’ve just announced that teams were required to have at least one queer man and one raging homophobe each. To summarize, the weekend sucked. 

And that was how Shane Hollander found himself sulking in a booth at the Kingfisher, holding his third of a drink called “the Drunken Shane Hollander” which was hilariously vodka and ginger ale. Shane hadn’t been aware that he’d had a drink named after him, but it was a little flattering he’d admitted. 

“Sorry, I felt a little weird naming a drink after you in a gay bar since you’ve never spoken about it directly to the media, but it's such an open secret these days it didn’t really seem like you were trying to hide it. I hope you don’t mind,” Kip smiled across the table at him. Shane opened his mouth to tell him that it was totally fine, when Ilya of course piped up. 

“I am more insulted that you would desecrate good vodka by putting it in fucking Ginger ale. Now that is a fucking national tragedy.”

“Oh shut up Ilya. It’s inspired by the first time you brought Shane here and got him so drunk on vodka that he danced on the bar top to ABBA’s Gimme Gimme Gimme a man after midnight” Eric Bennet piped up from next to the bar. 

“God, as if this weekend wasn’t bad enough. Please, I don’t need to be reminded of past mistakes,” Shane said.

“Buddy, your mistake was becoming friends with Ilya Rozanov. All the rest of it is just the consequences of your actions,” Scott chirped. 

“God, isn’t that the truth,” Ilya said, a smile hidden behind his rocks glass of vodka neat. Shane would talk him into drinking the drunken Shane Hollander one day. Maybe after they renamed it the Drunken Shane Hollander-Rozanov. He and Ilya just descended into giggles as if they had been sharing the same thought. 

“You guys are so fucking weird. How the fuck is fucking Ottawa now the boogeyman team of the MLH, and you two are sitting here giggling like fucking schoolgirls.” Eric chuckled “God, I am so glad I retired before you two ended up on the same team. I’ve had at least half a dozen goalies text me about how retirement feels because of you assholes.”

”Playing forward against them isn’t much fun either,” Scott grumbled, “But I don’t want to skip over that Rozanov just basically agreed that he is a plague on Hollanders life. We all heard that right? Can I get that on the record?” 

“Oh fuck off Hunter,” Shane said, but he was still smiling so it came out weak as hell. 

”No, it's true. I am, how do you Americans say, pain in his asshole. He can’t sit for weeks” Ilya said and now Shane and him were really fucking losing it with the giggle fits. Ilya looked around the table, with just a tiny bit of heartache. All of these men were out and proud, and once again he was sitting here at the Kingfisher as an “ally”. Kip made knowing eye contact with Ilya. Ilya knew the man the least out of the table, but he could tell that Kip had very… perceptive eyes as he did. Shane was still giggling

“You guys’ chemistry on the ice is insane, though. I’ve seen newlywed couples with worse communication in grocery stores than you guys have on the ice. It’s like you’re fucking reading each other's minds out there. God forbid either of you ever seriously date; your partners are going to be jealous.” Scott said.

”Scott,” Kip put his hand on his husband's arm. God, Kip could see right through the pain in Ilya’s eyes. He wanted so badly for everyone to know. Soon, he promised himself. 

“Omg, wait, we could tell you guys! I’d ask if you could keep a secret, but look at the people I am talking to!” Shane said, slightly tipsy. 

“Shane, you are drunk. You will regret this in the morning,” Ilya pleaded with his husband. Ilya wanted nothing more than to tell people, to tell the world about their love. But he couldn’t bear to see Shane regret it in the morning. It might kill him. 

“Ilya, I’ve had 2 and a half drinks in 3 hours. I’m really not drunk. Do you want me to not?” Shane looked at Ilya so earnestly, the love so clear on his face, Ilya was certain the men at the table already knew. 

“Umm, tell us what?” Scott said, sounding completely fucking confused. Okay, well, hockey players weren’t necessarily the smartest bunch, but Ilya had expected a little more from this group. Blame it on the CTE.

Ilya just smiled at the love of his life and said, “okay”. And god help him, Shane fucking beamed. Keeping his voice low, just enough that everyone at the table could hear, Shane told them. 

“Ilya and I got married! Last summer, actually but we are going to tell everyone this summer. Oh, and I guess I should say it out loud, I am gay, but you guys all knew that, and Ilya is bisexual!” 

Ilya could scream it at the top of his lungs; he loved his man so much. 

Scott Hunter and Eric Bennett just sat there, their jaws basically on the floor of the bar. Kip just smiled.

“What? Rozanov you’re… bisexual? Is this a prank?” Scott said. Ilya tried to hide the pain that quickly flashed through his brain. 

”Omg, I figured you were together, not actually fucking married already! Holy shit, when you come out, we are so changing the drink name to the Hollanov. This is so fucking incredible. Omg congratulations!” Kip jumped up, quickly trying to cover for his husband, and immediately hugged both of them, giving his husband more time to collect his thoughts. 

Unfortunately, a year may not have been enough time for Scott Hunter to fully collect his thoughts. 

“Wait, so the rivalry was never real?” 

“Really, Scott, a decade of chirps on the ice between you and I and your first thought is about the rivalry? Not thinking about all the times you told me to “go fuck myself” and I basically invited you into my bed as “joke”? Not, omg Roz, how did you get the hottest guy in the league to sleep with you, much less marry you? You can do better than that,” Ilya teased. 

As he was speaking, he undid his chain and placed his ring back where it belonged.

Shane was silently beaming at him, so Ilya reached over to pull out Shane's chain as well to do the same. It was such an intimate moment, and if Shane didn’t distract himself, he was going to burst. 

“No, the rivalry was in it’s own weird way still very real. Even now, we still compete and push each other to be better. It just took a lot of years to realize that love was there too, even with the competition.” Shane felt himself blush as Ilya took his left hand and slipped the wedding band back where it belonged, the same as he had done on their wedding day at the cottage. 

“Fucking hell, I think I just got pregnant watching that,” Eric laughed. “Congratuations guys! You two are going to fucking break the internet. They really know how to show you up, Scott.” 

“Yes, fuck… I am so happy with you guys. Sorry, I don’t know if I need to be more drunk or less to process this right now,” Scott said, still clearly confused but happy. 

Shane wanted to bottle this moment or record it on video at least and send it to a scared 18-year-old Shane Hollander. Tell him that he doesn’t need to be afraid of who he is. Tell him he doesn’t need to be scared of the knock on the door of room 1410 at 9 pm. That one day, he’d be sitting with three other queer MLH stars, and they are all okay, and they are all happy. Tell him that there will be homophobes and assholes and people that would rather watch him burn, but none of them will matter when he is holding the hand of the man he loves with his ring around his finger. 

Shane wants to tell 18-year-old Shane Hollander that he is loved. 

In that moment, Shane realizes this is the reason that they need to come out, to share their love with the world instead of holding it safely within themselves. Because he cannot go back in time and save the boy he was, but he can make the world seem a little safer for the young Shanes and Ilyas of the world. And that is more than enough.

Chapter End Notes

Thank you all so, so, so much for your overwhelming support for this fic. When I wrote most of this last month, I didn't really think about people reading it, but I just knew I wanted to share it, even if only two other people cared.

Side note, you may have noticed that the chapter count went up by one, and that is because I apparently am incapable of counting properly and had two chapter 4s in my first draft. So anyways, enjoy an extra-long chapter today!

Chapter 6: Before you, I was alright letting everything happen to me. I never thought I deserved to choose.

Chapter Summary

Ottawa plays the Admirals and Harris reaches a breaking point where he needs to talk to Ilya.

Chapter Notes

The home game against the New York Admirals had been brutal, especially because they all knew that the Eastern conference (and likely the resulting Cup) was going to come down to these two teams. Even though no team had yet fully secured its spots for the playoffs, Boston and Montreal were both struggling, and no other team in the conference or league was putting up the numbers Ottawa and New York were throwing down on a weekly basis. 

Shane was pretty certain that even if a gun was put to Ilya’s head, he couldn’t admit out loud that Scott Hunter is a great player. Still, Shane knew Ilya respected him. Which is why he found it particularly funny when Ilya whispered to Shane halfway through the second period. 

“I think Old-Man Hunter is fucking trying to be nice to me tonight. What the fuck? You don’t think he thinks I am soft now just because we told him…“ Ilya looked over at Shane with a face of genuine concern and then immediately looked back at the ice, “- you know right?”

“Are you seriously concerned because Scott Hunter is being nice to you?” Shane said, unable to hide his ridiculous grin. 

“Yes, Hollander! I do not like it. No, I do not trust it." Ilya considered the rink for a moment.

"I need to piss him off, make sure he is playing to win, so when we beat him tonight, no one can say he was going easy on us,” Rozanov said with not a hint of sarcasm his tone. Shane blinked twice, a few pieces of their history finally slotting into place. He turned to face Ilya more directly. 

“You mother fucker, is this why you used to text me before our games? To piss me off so I played better?” Shane said, astonished. Ilya, to his credit, did not look the least bit offended. Or guilty. 

He just leaned in to make entirely certain no one else could hear. 

“What, you play better horny. Is part of the reason I make sure to suck your cock after every game now. So your body remembers what’s coming after you leave the ice tonight.”

“Excuse me, you’ve fucking Pavloved me using fucking blow jobs?” Shane angrily whispered. Luckily, the rink was extremely loud. Still, they should be paying more attention to the ice. 

“We are talking about this more tonight," Shane said, incredulously.

“Why, are you already hard?” Ilya winked as he began to ready himself for his next shift. 

“Fuck off Rozanov,” Shane said with his full chest. Ilya just jumped the boards and took off. The asshole even had the audacity to wink.

The only person who caught the end of their interaction was Coach Wiebe, who just smirked with his attention immediately back on the ice. 

“Idiots,” Wiebe said, smiling to himself. 

~~~~

One period later, the Centaurs and Admirals were both tied at 0-0, and it had been a slog of a game, every inch a battle to the death. Zane was pretty sure he was less tired at this point in game 7 of the playoffs last year, but he tried not to dwell on it. He took his place at the left wing for the face-off as Ilya made his way to the center, Scott Hunter already waiting for him. 

“What, Rozanov, you get married and suddenly you become a slow old man too?” It was a pretty tame chirp all things considered. Fuck, for the MLH it was elementary, but it almost dropped Zane on his ass. First of all, it sounded like Scott Hunter just fucking confirmed that Ilya was married. Second of all, how the fuck would Scott Hunter of all people know that Ilya was married. Or engaged? Fuck, this was confusing.

“If you’re not careful Hunter, I will show your pretty husband exactly how slow I can be?” Ilya fired back. 

Zane was lucky that his muscle memory kicked in at the puck drop, because his brain was moving way too slowly to focus on hockey for the next few minutes. 

~~~~

”Do I even want to know what you said to Scott to get him to start playing that angry?” Shane asked when Ilya returned, not even angrily, just resigned. “I actually wondered for a moment if he was going to throw down his gloves and just deck you.”

“Not at all” was all Ilya had to say for himself, with a wide, unguarded smile.

~~~

The Centaurs won the game, but it was a hard-fought battle, Shane only scoring the winning goal in the final minute of regulation time for a final score of 1-0. Scott and Ilya exchanged a few light-hearted chirps after the clock had run out, and agreed to meet for drinks after the game with their respective husbands. Even after a hard game, both men recognized the sheer enjoyment there was in a good game well fought. 

Both Ilya and Shane were pulled into the press immediately after the game, so most of the team was already mostly ready to leave by the time they made it back to the locker room. 

Ilya grabbed a seat on the bench while Shane rushed over to the showers. They had learned very early in the season that under no circumstances would they be able to shower together, without Shane getting hard as if he was still 18. 

Ilya had teased him about it relentlessly, especially because Shane didn’t always have the same problem in their home showers. It was only after edging Shane for 20 minutes one night that Ilya had finally gotten the truth out of him. Showering together at the rink reminded Shane (or maybe Shane’s dick) too much of their very first CCM shoot together which he said made it “basically impossible to not get hard”. Ilya smiled to himself thinking about it and opened up Twitter to try and help pass the time.

Leo Here @leoPhilliCheese - 8:34 pm

Scott Hunter, Shane Hollander, and Troy Barrett were all fucking on fire tonight. If the gay agenda is great fucking hockey, I am going to start petitions for more MLH players to start sucking each others dicks as a part of warm ups. 

2k Retweets 9.5K Likes

Ilya wasn’t sure if it was incredibly supportive dude-bro allyship or a little bit homophobic or maybe both, but it was incredibly funny, so he liked the tweet. The top comment tagged him, which was even funnier. 

@Rozanov81 The people volunteer you as tribute. 

Ilya chuckled. Fuck, he wanted to like that comment too, but it would probably be too public right now. 

Zane called out, “Roz, we are all headed to Monks. Will you be joining us, or are you just gonna sit and jack off on your phone all night?”

“Just making sure I arrive last so I don’t have to try and save you losers' seats” 

“We aren’t fucking losers tonight though, are we Roz? Let's fucking go!” Bood called out, more than a little pumped. The rest of the team cheered. After the beginning of his career with the Centaurs being lackluster at best, Ilya was happy that Bood was finally getting some well-earned wins this season. 

“Speaking of losers, Hunter and his husband, Kip, will be joining us tonight. Hollander will also be there. Make sure to grab enough tables,” Ilya said.

“Cool, see ya later Roz” 

Ilya kept scrolling on his phone for a few minutes, nothing really catching his attention, until Harris walked up. 

“Hey Roz, I thought you were coming out with everyone tonight. What’s the hold up?”

”I’m just waiting for Hollander to finish showering. Then I will grab a shower and meet you guys there, no problem”. Harris looked like he wanted to say more, but then the man himself came out of the shower room, and Ilya got up off the bench. 

Harris hovered for another minute, until Troy offered him a ride to Monks. His freak-out would have to wait.

Centaurs Team - Hollander - Rozanov + Harris

Bood: Heads up everyone Roz let me know that Scott Hunter and his husband will be joining us at Monks tonight. Try to be respectful and keep trash talk to a minimum. 

Bood: I am looking at you rookies. 

Chouinard: Roz and Hunter, now that’s a friendship that makes no fucking sense to me

Dillion: IDK they make more sense to me than Hollzy/Roz but who really knows what is going on in the heads of these fucking hockey gods

Young: Maybe they are all in a group chat and talk shit about the rest of the league. 

LaPointe: The Secret Society of Stick Handlers lol 

LaPointe: Get it, because Hollzy and Hunter are gay?

Dykstra: This is exactly why Bood warns you rookies about being on your best behavior 

Dykstra: But also, I am sure that if Roz and Hunter are in any group chat together they are spending too much time shit-talking each other to shit-talk anyone else in the league. 

Young: Hollander and Hunter in a group chat together: just a couple of dude being guys

LaPoint: just couple of guys being dudes 

Holmberg: Show me your dick Steve

Harris: Sorry for the hard subject change, but Roz just told me he was waiting for Shane to get out of the showers before taking one himself. Umm is this normal?

Wyatt: I guess now that you mention it, they are never in the showers at the same time, but its not like we are getting the spa treatment there. They are pretty lousy and efficient showers. 

Harris: Yeah, but to actively avoid being in there at the same time?

Harris: Again, I hate to even be thinking like this but don’t you think it's weird behavior for Roz to be treating our new gay team member so differently? Plus he was chirping Scott extra hard tonight 

Troy:  Harris. 

Troy: Again I promise you. Ilya is not homophobic

LaPointe: Cap and Hollzy:

Bood: speaking of Scott, he fucking chirped Roz during the second period about being married. HEAVILY implying that he knew Roz was already married. Wtf right?

Bood: IDK maybe I didn’t hear him right. Cause why the fuck would Hunter know anything about Caps personal life

Dykstra: I’m betting that Roz’s just engaged and it was just a figure of speech. There is no way Roz would get married and not invite us, no matter what the reason he is hiding it from us is. 

Wyatt: I fucking knew it. Pay up bitches!

Dillion: That doesn’t prove anything! 

Wyatt: Yes, it does, your just angry that your stupid mafia theory was wrong

Harris: See you guys at Monks.

Everybody liked this message

Back at the arena, Shane Hollander realized that the locker room was completely abandoned with clear signs that everyone had cleared out. It was probably a really fucking stupid idea, but... they would be out soon enough and the only people allowed in this room right now were Centaurs anyway. Shane snuck back into the showers to fulfill a promise his eyes made in a similar shower almost 12 years ago.

~~~~

Half an hour later, Hollander and Rozanov finally made their way to the bar, and Harris was already two drinks deep due to the stress.

It’s been months since this problem has been driving him insane. Because as much as he did not like the idea of Rozanov being homophobic towards their new team member - of course, he’s always been nothing but kind and supportive to Harris and Troy - Harris simply could not figure out Roz’s weird behavior any other way. So Harris has decided to talk to Ilya tonight, for the sake of his sanity and job. Maybe Ilya didn’t even realize that he was treating Shane differently, and he just needed someone to call him out on it. Ilya was a good guy; he’d understand Harris’ concerns.

Even with his decision made and his target arrived, it took another hour before Harris could even get Ilya alone for a conversation.

So, without any preamble or overthinking, Harris just blurted out to Ilya “Can I talk to you in private, please?”

To his credit, Ilya honestly did look a little surprised, but chose to just roll with it and invited Harris to join him outside for some fresh air. 

Before they step away, Shane narrows his eyes at Ilya. 

“You aren’t fucking going out to smoke, are you?”

“No, princess, I told you I quit,” Ilya quipped, and then walked off with Harris. 

Once they made it outside, Harris almost lost his nerve. What if he was way overthinking everything here and completely was out of line? What if Ilya hated him after this conversation?

“Harris, you are thinking so loud over there. Why don’t you just tell me what is going on? Did Troy do something wrong? I have easy ways to hide body”

“What? No, Troy is great. It’s ummm…. You, Ilya” Troy just let that sit there for a minute. Sometimes, Harris really wished that Ilya wasn’t so good at stone facing everyone. He just wanted to know what is going on in the Russian mans’ head sometimes. 

“Umm, I don’t even think you really see it, but you are treating Shane really differently from the rest of your teammates and… It’s kind of making me uncomfortable. And like, I am sure you aren’t meaning it this way, but I think you are kind of singling him out because he is gay.” 

“Harris, you are gay. Troy is gay. I don’t treat you any different” Was all Ilya had to say. Well, he wasn’t exactly fully denying that he treated Shane differently. 

“Why is why I totally don’t get it! Today you won’t even shower in the same room as him, like you’re worried he's some predator. And you make thinly veiled comments towards him that seem harmless, but all sound vaguely sexual if you’re actually listening. You got super fucking angry when Wyatt tried to set him up on a date, like you couldn’t stand the thought of your friend actually being with a man. Your internal competition with Shane borderlines with harassment, except he seems to be equally competitive with you. And on top of this all, your biggest rival, now that Shane is here, is Scott fucking Hunter, one of the only out gay men in hockey other than my boyfriend. You have always been such a good friend to me, so why the hell are all signs currently pointing towards you being a raging homophobe all of a sudden now that Shane is on the team?” 

Harris honestly expected him to get angry or at least have some kind of emotional reaction. Instead, Ilya momentarily stared at him until his face shifted, seemingly coming to some kind of conclusion. 

“Harris. I am bisexual.” Oh shit. Oh… shit. 

“Omg Ilya, that’s amazing! I mean, thank you for trusting me to come out. I mean. Fuck, obviously you aren’t homophobic. Wait, can I tell Troy?” Harris spat out all at once. 

“Troy already knows,” Ilya just said, smiling. 

“Wait, but that still doesn’t explain everything, though. You have no problem showering with the other guys, why are you treating Shane any different?”

“Harris, on any given day, you are the smartest man in that arena, excluding myself and Coach Wiebe, of course. I know you are drunk, but figure it the fuck out.” Ilya almost sounded exasperated but still clearly fond of Harris, so that was a win.

“Holy fuck, you are into Shane! Holy shit! But wait, what about your fiancé? The other week, you were going on about loving her for like 10 years. You aren’t like… cheating on her with Shane, right?” Ilya just blinked at him again. 

“No, try again Harris.” So Harris did, working hard to push through the very sluggish haze that 3 too many ciders had brought on. And then, without speaking, Harris’s eyes got really wide as he took in Ilya. Really looking at him, at how happy he is tonight and has been lately. How happy he’s been all season. 

“Ilya Rozanov…. Are you telling me that you are engaged to Shane Hollander?” Harris at least had the sense to whisper yell this one, rather than yell it out for half of Ottawa to hear like he wanted to. 

“No,” Ilya said calmly. Harris almost deflated; he’d really gone down some wild thoughts tonight and turned up empty. 

“No, I am telling you that I am already married to Shane Hollander-Rozanov.”

Harris hadn’t been genuinely concerned about the health of his heart in years, but for a brief moment, he was actually concerned that it had just stopped. 

“Omg you guys are going to break the fucking internet! When did this happen? How did this happen!? How does Scott fucking Hunter know? Omg I knew the vibes between you two were weird... Do you have pictures from your wedding? Tell me everything, right now,” Harris almost squealed like a kid at Christmas. Ilya loved this team so fucking much. Harris reaction healed something within him. This was one of the first people to know the truth about Shane and Ilya, who didn't immediately question their compatibility or question Shane's choice of men. Sure, Ilya prided himself on being a menace to the entirety of the MLH, but here was someone who really knew him and didn't for a second question Ilya's worthiness.

"Slow down, one question at a time", Ilya laughed.

And just like that, one more person knows. It’s such a high, every time they let another loved one (and Scott Hunter) in on the secret that Ilya doesn’t really know how he is going to make it to the summer. 

~~~~~

Shane didn’t know why, but Ilya was having a really shitty night on the ice. They were playing New Jersey, so it really shouldn’t have been a difficult game, but his husband was struggling. His passes just weren’t connecting on the ice. His chirps were less light-hearted in nature. Ilya hadn’t even scored once, despite clearly having a few good openings throughout the game. 

Shane had asked a few times through the night what was going on with Ilya, but the Russian kept repeating that he was fine. 

“Just lay off it, Hollander. I am sorry that I am not the perfect gay prince of hockey for the fans to fucking worship like you; I fucking have bad nights sometimes. Bylat fuck” Ilya snapped at him before storming off to the locker room for the final intermission. It had been loud enough near the bench that most of the Centaurs had heard, though no one commented. Shane didn’t know exactly what was going on, but as he looked around the arena, he was pretty sure he had an idea. 

It was New Jersey’s Pride night. It wasn’t as big a deal as they made it back in Ottawa, but when Shane looked out to the crowd, he saw a lot more Hollander and Barrett jerseys than they usually did for away games. There were also a large number of different pride flags on display. The traditional flag, yes, but also ones for lesbian pride, gay pride, and even a few trans flags, which made Shane happy to see. And several for bisexual pride. 

Ilya had seemed much lighter this year, happier and less burdened than he had in the past seasons, so Shane didn’t always consider that Ilya was still hiding. Not only the secret of their love and marriage, but also the secret of himself. When Shane had let the guys into their secret at the Kingfisher, he’d partially done it because he knew that Ilya had a harder time being in the closet when other happy queer people were around. 

Unlike Shane, who was for the most part out but didn’t really show it, Ilya wasn’t particularly subtle about his queerness. He went to gay bars, had plenty of queer friends, and was extremely outspoken about inclusivity in hockey. In a recent Ottawa Instagram video, Ilya had gone viral for saying “Slay Queen”. Fuck, over the summer, he’d literally participated in a charity drag performance strip tease.

Buzzfeed had later published an article titled “15 reasons why Ilya Rozanov is the Ally of the Year”. 

Ilya didn’t particularly chafe against the restraints of the closet, but Shane knew his husband struggled with everyone just assuming he was straight, especially the other Centaurs. Privately, Ilya worried that even if they did tell the world of their love, there would be some people who would always secretly think it was a prank like Scott Hunter had initially believed.  

After not finding Ilya in the locker room once, Shane headed straight to the locker bathroom. He found Ilya, splashing water on his face, clearly trying to cover up the fact that he was on the verge of tears. 

“Dusha Moya,” Shane said, putting a calming hand on Ilya’s shoulder. My soul. 

“I am sorry. I shouldn’t have snapped like that.” 

“Ilyushka, you don’t have anything to apologize for. I understand that this is a rough night for you, but I promise you, this is the last Pride night you will have to suffer through while in the closet”

“Will it? That's what I thought last year. At this rate, are we just going to slowly tell one person at a time for the next 10 years until we fucking retire?” Ilya snapped back, though with considerably less heat than he’d previously been able to muster. Just then, Barrett opened the door to enter, but quickly stopped before crossing the threshold after seeing his captain's face. 

“Give us 5 minutes, Troy. We will be right out,” Shane said without ever turning his face from Ilya’s. Troy hesitated, but left them in peace. 

“Ilya, if you want, we can walk out those doors and tell the rest of the team right now. Or at least tell them that you are bisexual. If… this is causing you this much pain, I don’t want you to keep it in anymore.” Within a second, Ilya deflated, all of the fight and anger leaving his body. Shane continued. 

“Ilya… we’ve worked hard this year to improve our communication… to really talk to each other about the big things even if they hurt. Please let me in. Please tell me what I can do to help.” Shane pleaded, but he didn’t sound defeated or concerned. They were stronger than this moment. 

“I don’t know Shane. I.. I don’t want to come out to them tonight. Not like this, at least, just because I am angry. It’s just so difficult some days. I want to pull you into a kiss every time you score a goal. When I am upset on the bench, I want to be able to hold your hand for comfort. When I see a fan with a fucking pride flag, I want to stop for a photo with them without it going viral for being a good “ally” or being such a good “friend” to you. I am just so tired of hiding, and it’s harder when I don’t really know when it’s going to end.” Ilya hadn’t given him all the answers, but Shane could work with this. 

“Okay, you won’t come out tonight, but we make a plan. Put a date on the calendar for you so you know that I am serious about it. So you have an end date, a light at the end of the tunnel.” Ilya didn’t typically like English idioms, but this one made sense to him. He was living in the dark and just wanted to see the light of the other side.

“I don’t know if I can wait until the summer, Shane. Every time we tell half-truths, it just feels like I am lying to my friends. I don't like it.” 

“Me neither. It’s getting harder every day to not touch you in front of the team, now that I get to be close to you everyday”

“Okay, so when?” To his credit, Shane took a long moment to consider it thoughtfully, not just rushing to say whatever he thought Ilya wanted to hear. 

“I know it's.. irrational but I am still concerned about it messing up the team dynamics. We can’t control how others are going to react.” This mostly stemmed from Shane’s own bad experience coming out to his old hockey team, rather than a fear founded in anything any of the Centaurs had said or done, but Ilya wasn’t angry at him for it. He knew Shane would probably always bear the scars of the lack of support his own team inflicted, “But that doesn’t mean that we have to wait until the playoffs are over. With the way this season is going, we will mathematically qualify for the playoffs weeks before we have to compete in them. So we wait until we’ve qualified, then at a team meeting we tell the team. If anyone is weird about it or needs time to process, the games we play during that time won’t really matter anyway.”

“Shane, we are 4 wins away from qualifying, including the game we are currently winning. Qualifying for the playoffs could be next week, maybe two if we have a rough game against Montreal next week.” 

“Then we tell them next week. Or the week after,” Shane said with complete certainly “If that is what you want.” 

Ilya wanted to marry this man all over again. He put his palm against his heart, feeling the bump of his ring under layers of padding, and looked in the mirror. He wanted nothing more than to be out, to tell all of his friends on the team of his love for Shane, but it was still a scary prospect. Telling the truth after more than a decade of hiding still required bravery. Ilya squared his shoulders and set his chin, like he had millions of times before when he was ready to take on the world, and turned towards the shining light that was his husband. 

“Yes, once we qualify. We tell them. Now lets go win this fucking game so we can tell them that much sooner.” 

The Centaurs won that away game and the following one. 

Chapter End Notes

This whole chapter is basically me fantasizing about these men actually having healthy communication skills. I've worked really hard through this fic to show that Ilya and Shane have both healed a little bit while becoming stronger as a couple. Though it's not mentioned in this fic, I imagine them both off-page having a lot of individual and couples therapy sessions to get them to this place.

While the path they have chosen in coming out takes much longer than in the books, each moment has built up their confidence and support system. Don't worry though, in these final two chapters coming up, they will be making some much bigger moves.

Thank each and every one of you for your kind comments. My life has kind of been a wreck this month, and every comment has been a much-needed little ray of sunshine in my day!

Chapter 7: My bad. Hello, would you like to come out to me? I'm listening.

Chapter Summary

The team confronts their captain

Centaurs Team - Hollander - Rozanov + Harris

Bood: Guys, everything isn’t sitting right with me. With Hollander and Rozanov, I mean. 

Harris: Umm, I don’t think we need to worry too much guys. Rozanov isn’t homophobic I promise. 

Bood: I’ve been thinking about this a lot and… I don’t think that Roz has a problem that Shane’s gay. I think he may be aware that Shane has a crush on him and is using it to fuck with his head. 

Wyatt: I didn’t see that one coming, but you know what I kind of see it. Ilya has been unfairly antagonistic towards Hollander and only Hollander, despite having other queer people on the team

Bood: Just look at everything we know so far. Hollzy learned Russian for Cap. He’s Roz’s power of attorney, despite the fact that Roz is fucking engaged to some woman none of us have ever met! Shane is constantly making like… longing eyes at him when he thinks none of us are looking and bickering like an old married couple when we are. And then at that game in NJ, Cap totally blew up at Shane for absolutely no reason. 

Bood: Conclusion? Shane is halfway in love with the idiot, and Roz is just stringing him along, maybe to try and protect their friendship or something, but is being a complete and total ass about it. He’s crossing a lot of lines, and this will blow up in his face and end up hurting Hollander.

Dykstra: Their rivalry has seemed extremely intense lately, even more so than the rest of the year. Cap didn’t even seem excited for Hollander when he got the hat trick before 3rd period in NJ. Then he came out swinging in Montreal, like he was going to destroy anyone who got in his way of getting a hat trick himself

Dillion: They are both crazy intense. With how aggressive they are in practice, after 6 months, I still barely see how they are friends. their relationship is weird

Chouinard: It’s a lot, maybe we need to tell them to chill a little?

Bood: Roz is the one that needs to make the most change. He’s being way too aggressive and unwelcoming to a new guy as captain. Even if they do have history, it's his responsibility to lead this team and anyone on it. I think it's time for an intervention 

Harris: Omg… 

Troy: Harris, no. 

Hayes: I am happy to support you in talking to him Bood, it's definitely been weird this season. 

Chouinard: Me too. Maybe Cap doesn’t even realize how hostile he has been and just needs us to say something. Their rivalry was going on for almost a decade, he probably just needs to get in a new mindset about it.

Bood: Okay, since it is our off day none of you are required to come in, but I think this is a conversation that would best happen as a team. Minus Hollander of course. I am going over to Roz’s house in exactly one hour. Like this message if you are coming too. 

Everyone liked this message

Troy: I am not agreeing with you on this, but no chance in hell am I missing this. Harris and I will be there.

~~~~

The Hollander-Rozanov’s were typically up and out of bed by mid-morning at the latest. Shane had already risen from bed earlier that day and taken Anya on an easy jog, but after returning home and showering, his husband had dragged him back into bed for more cuddling. Cuddling was quickly derailed by Ilya’s morning wood. Which is why at 10 am, the husbands were still lying in bed. 

“God, Ilya if you keep touching me like that, I’m gonna… Oh fuck” Ilya just laughed as Shane came undone underneath him. After years of being in a committed relationship with Shane, it was still surprising how much fire ran between them. If anything, their newfound constant proximity had honed in their senses of each other's bodies and made things all the more intense.

Despite what Shane had said at the cottage 5 years ago, Ilya had been worried that once the excitement of sneaking around had worn off, Shane would not be as enthusiastic in the bedroom. Later, he had been worried that once they lived together full-time, Shane might just get bored of him entirely. The novelty worn off. More than words, Shane's body disabused Ilya of that idea entirely. Despite the fact that both men had crossed over into their 30’s, they still fucked like teenagers and kissed each other like both men were completely blown away that they could. That they were allowed. 

So that was how they ended up tangled up in the sheets together while Ilya’s front doorbell started going off. Ilya just held Shane tighter. 

“Ilyushka, you can’t just ignore the door. Whoever it is doesn’t seem to be going away.”

Ilya just sighed and opened his front door app on his phone. Bood was ringing at the door, but the number of cars in his driveway implied that there were many more people here to see him. 

“What the fuck do you want, Boodram, is my day off” Ilya spoke gruffly into the phone. 

“Cap, open up. I and the rest of the team have something we need to discuss with you” Rest of the team? Ilya raised his eyebrow at Shane. Shane responded back with a silent I don’t fucking know look. Fuck, Ilya really didn’t want to get out of bed, but he sighed, knowing that whatever the hell this was, he wasn’t getting out of it. 

“Fine, I am unlocking the door, but I need a shower before whatever the fuck this is. Let yourselves in, I will be down in 10 minutes.” Ilya lay back in bed, a little frustrated that this was going to put a damper on the morning he planned with Shane ie. lots of morning sex, followed by an extremely lazy day on the couch. 

“I hate to miss out on a team meeting, but I have a feeling it would be pretty suspicious for me to come downstairs to join, wouldn’t it?” Shane said, smiling. Ilya momentarily reflected on what this moment would have looked like this same time a year ago. Shane would have definitely been freaking out about being caught by his team, but now the smile on his face just looked full of amusement. Not an ounce of anxiety in his freckled face.

“Yes, well there is no need. I will go tell them to fuck off and then we come back to bed and I will.. finish this.” Ilya said while kissing Shane’s collarbone. Ilya and Shane quickly jumped a shower, this time actually showering together for efficiency and not for any ulterior motives. Within a few minutes, they were both showered and Shane brazenly admired his husband's ass while the man quickly got dressed. Ilya caught his gaze. 

“I will be back quickly” he said like a promise and exited. Shane wanted to just lie back in bed, completely sated, but got dressed himself. It would be risky, listening in from the hallway, but Shane was far too curious to just wait patiently in the room. 

Shane padded his way down the hall, getting as close as he dared to the open living room.  Bood had already begun the discussion. 

“We all know that you are a great captain, and we trust you. But maybe your previous… experience with Hollander has clouded your judgement about the situation. Even before you arrived, the Centaurs have always been committed to being a welcoming and open organization and we’ve done a lot to keep it that way. Now your interactions with Shane are borderline toxic, antagonistic, and at times even vaguely homophobic.” 

“Frankly, you’ve kind of been a dick to him this season. I’ve brought the team together today so we can talk with you and hopefully get you to a point where you can work through it. We’ve all seen you and Hollander’s chemistry on the ice, you guys are almost... scary with how well you seem to read each other's minds in the rink. We just need to get you guys to the same point off the ice.” God, Shane would’ve given anything to see Ilya’s face right now. Though, to be fair, Shane was pretty sure it was some rendition of the Vaguely Amused Russian Hard Ass mask that Ilya had been pulling out on the ice and in interviews for over a decade. 

“Harris.. Troy. What are you doing here?” Shane heard Ilya say. 

“For the drama, baby,” Was all Harris had to say. 

“Okay, what is the… behavior that you have seen that needs to change?” Ilya said tentatively. 

“You guys are always chirping at each other, even in practice scrims, like you are going to tear each other’s heads off,” Dykstra said

“At last week's game, you basically screamed at him before the second intermission. I think you called him Canada's gay prince of hockey? That was pretty weird man” Boyle continued.

“You got super pissed that I tried to set him up with another guy,” Wyatt said. 

“Harris said you refused to even shower at the same time as him. I don’t know, man, it seems like you’ve been incredibly weird about him being gay all season,” Bood said. 

“Plus, on top of that, we are pretty sure the dude has a huge fucking crush on you. Like dude, do you really think the guy learned Russian just to chirp you? If you aren’t careful, the Hollander is going to get really hurt if you don’t let him down easily,” LaPointe added. 

“We… we are friends. You guys are blowing this all the way out of the water,” Ilya said, and Shane’s heart almost broke for his husband. They weren’t at their agreed-upon timeline yet, and Shane was typically nothing if not a resolute plan follower, so Ilya was doing what they had been for over a decade. They stuck to the plan and towed the PR line until it was ready to snap. 

But even more so than for his husband, Shane’s heart was full from listening to their team speak, completely flooded with warmth and pride for his teammates. Sure, they had come to a few vastly wrong conclusions, but they were concerned about something their captain did, and they were speaking out about it. They were worried that Shane was uncomfortable and had the bravery to call Ilya out just to potentially make Shane feel more at home. Shane could’ve been with the Montreal Metros for another decade, given them another 5 cups, and he would have never expected this kind of unwavering loyalty. This friendship. 

Shane had once seen his previous teammates as brothers, but he now knew that they were little more than coworkers. Toxic ones at that. These men… were his friends. His family. People who didn’t question his quirks, didn’t tease him for his heritage or sexuality, didn’t make him feel unwanted if he wasn’t winning games. Hell, even the locker room chirps directed at Shane served only to make him feel included. Accepted. 

Even moments ago, he’d been holding on to his fear that these men would betray him, hate him even for his choice of partner, just like the Metros had. And even though Shane had fully prepared himself to say “fuck them. I love him anyway”, he realized now that he had never needed to, with these guys at least. They would let him love Ilya and still love Shane, too. He could see clear as day that they didn’t need to wait until the playoffs were secure. So Shane didn’t. 

~~~

Ilya was a little proud that his men felt safe enough to come to him with their concerns and felt even more tender that they were being so protective of Shane, but he really wanted them all to leave. In reality, he really wanted to scream - Just give me one more win assholes and then you can know everything. But mostly, he just wanted them out of his house so he could spend the day wrapped in Shane's arms. 

He was so focused on them that he hadn’t seen Shane make his way around the corner into the living room. Luckily, the Centaurs were all sitting on the couch and turned away from the door so they still had some time. 

“Turn around my love, go back to bed. If they see you, they will be suspicious,” Ilya said quickly in Russian, a small amount of panic in his eyes. Without hesitation, Shane replied in Russian. 

“Let them see, it is time my heart,” and a half a dozen heads snapped around to watch Shane approaching the couch. Rather than sitting down in one of the seats, Shane walked up next to Ilya leaning on the TV stand. 

“Hey guys” was all Shane could think to say while looking at the team. Most looked confused. Troy looked amused. Harris looked like his favorite show was on. The man literally had popcorn.

Bood spoke up first. 

“Oh Shane.. Umm we didn’t know that you were still staying here with Roz so late in the season. Sorry I guess we all kind of figured you’d gotten your own place by now. Umm..”

“What are you doing here, Hollander?” Dykstra said, eyeing Shane skeptically. Shane had hoped the shower had erased any signs of their morning activities, but based on the way some of the guys were looking at him he probably still looked a little thoroughly fucked. Ilya and Shane made eye contact, and Shane looked more than a little embarrassed. 

“Fuck, are you guys hooking up? But Shane don’t you have a boyfriend. And Rozanov, what about your fiancée? Roz, are you secretly gay and not telling her?” Wyatt said, less accusingly than expected. He sounded more confused than anything else. 

“I am bisexual, actually” Ilya said.

And everyone was just silently staring, an equation in front of them that was just not adding up. 

Shane let the quiet settle for another long minute before breaking the tension.

“Fucking christ Ilya, thats the part of their assumptions you clarify? You’ll let them think we are both cheating assholes, but you draw the line at them assuming the wrong sexual orientation.” Shane smiled as he teased his husband. 

“I will not stand for bi-erasure in this house, Hollander”

“Who in the hell taught you the term ‘bi-erasure’?”

Ilya opened his mouth to chirp back at Shane, when Wyatt cut him off. 

“Hollzy. Are you wearing a wedding ring now too?” If the room had been silent before, it was a fucking vacuum now. Shane could hear his own heart beating. 

Shane briefly looked down at his hand, though he wasn’t surprised to find his ring there. Outside of the arena and press, Shane and Ilya always wore their rings. After 8 months, the warm metal felt like an extension of his body. These days, he felt naked when he wasn’t wearing it.

Shane hadn’t been nervous at all walking into this room, but all the men had gone so still, barely even breathing, that Shane couldn’t help but feel just a bit self-conscious. Ilya responded for him. 

“Yes, it is the match to mine. I think it makes my husband look quite handsome, don’t you think?” Ilya pulled Shane’s hand towards his mouth and kissed right on top of the ring, like he did most nights before they went to bed. 

“So you too are…” Bood began but trailed off. 

“Married,” Shane finished. Half a dozen pairs of eyes just blinked at him.

“Sounds better than lovers, yes?” Ilya quipped at Shane, eyes dropping down to his mouth. 

“Yes, because 'lovers' is still gross, Ilya” Shane smirked and leaned into Ilya’s kiss. For once in his life, Ilya kept it chaste and short, but it was enough to calm all of Shane’s nerves. 

~~~

Luca Haas didn’t typically have extremely vivid dreams, especially not ones that felt so intense that he wasn’t aware that he was dreaming. But surely he must be dreaming right? Maybe he had gotten drunk last night and fell into this weird, trippy hallucination because certainly this wasn’t real life. 

Because 3-time Stanley Cup winner Shane Hollander stood in front of him, kissing his captain, Ilya Rozanov. While this alone was definitely pretty fanciful for a dream, what was even crazier than what Luca could’ve possibly dreamed up was that the Ottawa Centaurs were all excited for them. Happy. Sharing their unwavering support. 

Luca had grown up idolizing the men in front of him, along with coming to terms with the fact that he was gay and headed for a life in the MLH. The year before he was drafted, Scott Hunter kissed his now husband on the ice,My and Luca had spent the morning in his bed in Zurich, weeping, completely overwhelmed at the realization that just maybe he wouldn’t have to choose between the career that he so deeply wanted and telling the world the truth about who he was. 

It was an amazing moment, but even in Switzerland, he couldn’t avoid seeing the rolling waves of hatred that Hunter had received in the weeks following, along with the support. Seeing the commentators, journalists, and hockey world at large question Hunter's ability to lead. Questioning his place in the locker room. Suggesting that he no longer had a place in hockey now that he was openly gay. And though the New York Admirals had seemed supportive of Hunter, it was an open secret that 3 different team members had quietly requested trades away from the team the summer after.

All this to say, the craziest thing about the moment that was unfolding in front of him in his captain's living room wasn’t the two All-Stars kissing and announcing their marriage. It was Bood, jumping up and clapping Ilya on the back. It was Wyatt congratulating them while teasing that it was incredibly rude that the Centaurs hadn’t been invited to the wedding. It was the rookies chirping about the team now officially having hockey dads. It was the smugness on Harris and Troy's faces when they proclaimed that they already knew. 

As Luca looked around, not a single Centaur seemed unhappy about the men in front of them sharing their love. 

Luca was trying really hard not to cry.

~~~
Ilya wished he could bottle this feeling up and put it in a pill form. This was better than any of the SSRI’s Galina and Terry, the team doctor, had him try. His once quiet living room had turned into a circus, filled with noise and excitement. And better than anything, Shane was pressed to his side, and people could see them, and it just didn’t matter. 

The team had a million questions, and Ilya wanted to answer every single one of them, but first, there was a young boy weeping silently on his couch that needed help. Though it took a crazy amount of willpower, Ilya tore himself away from his husband, happily chatting with their teammates, and slipped down on the couch next to the Swiss boy that reminded Ilya of a younger version of himself and Shane. 

“Are you okay, Haasy?” He said without a single drop of teasing. Luca looked over to Ilya, eyes full of unfallen tears and a million emotions. Haas took a long while to answer, seemingly needing a moment to collect himself. 

“So do you have to wait to be an All-Star or win the Stanley Cup to come out in this league?” Haas said, trying to keep it light. 

“No Haasy, whenever is right for you” Ilya said, smiling down at the kid. When it was clear Luca wasn’t going to continue, Ilya stood up again. 

“Alright, all of you - shut the fuck up. We are only going to go over this all once. I haven’t even had my coffee yet this morning, so let's make this simple. For right now, you all can ask one question at a time.  Bood, you’re up?”

“Shit, why do I have to go first? Fuck thats not my question” 

“You are Alternate Captain, time to lead by example” 

“Okay… if you guys are already married, how the hell is this still a secret? Wouldn’t some journalist or blogger or something have caught wind of this by now?”

“Ahh yes, well Shanes mother is genius and found… loophole?” Ilya said, looking at his husband. Shane explained for him. 

“We need to be married for a few years before Ilya can officially get citizenship, so we did not want to wait, but.. I was not ready to come out last summer after the absolute chaos of being outed to Montreal and moving to the Centaurs. Ilya would have been ready, but I just couldn’t do it yet. So we got married in a private ceremony, and the officiant agreed to wait one year before registering our marriage license, which is technically legal though a little weird. The date of our marriage can be argued to apply for citizenship. And we had the added protection that if we needed at any point this year our marriage license could be filled at at moments notice which could significantly help any refugee status applications here in Canada if things got leaked and Russia revoked Ilya’s passport” It was a lot of information and probably opened up a million more questions, but Shane was a planner and had tried to think through everything. The Russia situation still made him anxious, Ilya knew, probably more than it bothered him. 

“Shit, wait, Captain are you like… in danger? With Russia, I mean.” Bood said.  For the first time since Shane had walked into the room, a somber tone fell over the room. Ilya wanted to make a joke about Bood not getting a second question for free or shrug off the fear entirely with a joke about it being nothing, but these men were his family, and they all looked deeply concerned. 

“It… There is no immediate danger. Though I can not go back to Russia, ever probably” Ilya said with a sigh. 

“I thought about going back to Russia one more time this summer to visit my mother's grave, but there is no guarantee that the video that outed us to Montreal has not gotten back to Moscow yet, so I opted against it. I am not important enough for them to like do an overseas assasination” he said this last bit with the ring of a joke, but no one was laughing. “So as long as I don’t do anything to get deported before I get citizenship, there shouldn’t be any real danger.” 

Ilya really wanted to keep things light-hearted, to not worry his team, but he was tired of lying. And he would be lying if he didn’t occasionally worry about this. Every time they got on a plane from the US back to Canada, he worried, would this be the time that his passport was revoked? Sure, the US and Canada didn’t have extradition policies with Russia, so the likelihood of him getting sent back was low, but it wasn’t zero. Plus, if he suddenly couldn’t leave Canada and the league wasn’t particularly interested in smoothing the legal process, his career would effectively be on hold until he and Shane’s lawyers could get everything sorted out. It was… a lot. 

After a minute or two of silence, Dykstra was the first to speak up. 

"You guys were outed in Montreal? -to the Metros, I mean. Shane, is that why you left?"

"I-", Shane hadn't really prepared himself for this question, though in retrospect, he should've seen it coming. He took a breath and continued. 

"Ilya and I were accidentally caught on camera kissing, and the person sent it to a team member, so the whole team found out. I was benched for a game, in the playoffs, until they realized they couldn't really win without me. It was already too late, though; most of the guys called me a traitor for 'fucking the enemy'. In reality, I think they could - just ignore my gayness when it was theoretical, but the second I had a partner, especially one they didn't like, it became too real for them. After that, the only ones who could really stand to look at me or even play with me were my friends Hayden and JJ. 

“You guys must really love each other to go through all of that and still plan to come out. Not just the homophobia from the league, but the fear of sneaking around, never going home, fuck the fear of being deported.” Bood said.

God, Ilya really needed to lighten the mood.

“Yes, well, the sex is good so-”

“Ilya!” Shane said, immediately turning red. The rest of the guys just laughed.

“Next question!”

“Wait, is this why Roz transferred to Ottawa?” Wyatt piped up, “Yes! This means I win the bet, right?”

“You said secret wife, Hazy, not secret husband,” Shane replied calmly. 

Bood perked up at that.

“You motherfucker! You hid this shit so well when I was telling you all about the bet!” Bood laughed.

“Sorry, Boodram, I’ll make it up to you by winning a Cup.” Shane just smiled. Coming out to the world was still scary and probably going to be a complete mess.  But here, among their supportive team, Shane knew they were going to be okay. 

Chapter 8: The Whole World Watched, and History Remembered

Chapter Summary

Shane and Ilya compete for MVP... and for the cup, I guess.

Chapter Notes

Is this chapter ridiculously long? Maybe. Do I care? Nope!

The playoffs were brutal, but for the first time Shane didn’t feel like he had the weight of the entire world on his shoulders for them. He fought like hell and would be immensely disappointed if they lost, but he knew the following day his team would still be there for him. He didn’t need to worry that his team would look at him like he was personally responsible for their loss. They would take the loss as their own personal responsibility as well, and they’d go home, and all still be friends in the morning. 

All this to say, Shane was having a fucking blast for these playoffs. The opposing team was bringing so much intensity that it was like playing against Rozanov again. Except this time, Ilya was right by his side through every game, both emotionally but also literally on the ice. During the first game of the championship finals, Bood had gotten slammed pretty hard and had gotten a minor concussion that wasn’t serious but would take him out for the rest of the series. 

So the Centaurs had taken a gamble, and they moved Shane up to the first line with Ilya on his wing. During the regular season, it made sense to split the two of them up, spreading out the talent as well as giving both Ilya and Shane more time to rest between their intense shifts. But now, the first husbands of hockey were ready to go all in and take the cup that was theirs. And they were going to do it together. 

~~~

Transcript of CBC Broadcast: Ottawa Centaurs vs. San Francisco Mission - Game 6 

Nick: Thank you for joining us for the second intermission in what is shaping up to be an amazing game. I am Nick Simmons, and once again, I am joined by former MLH goalie Eric Bennet

Eric: Thank you for having me, Nick 

Nick: Well, before the puck drops here in the third period, I’d love some of your insight into how the game has gone so far. 

Eric: The Ottawa Centaurs have been playing a phenomenal game out there today and in this series in general. It was a risky move pulling Hollander up from the second line and moving Rozanov to right wing as they hadn’t tested it out in game at all during the regular season outside of power plays, but it's clearly been paying off here in the Championship Finals. 

Nick: Exactly! If you had told me a year ago today that Hollander and Rozanov would be on the same team together for the Stanley Cup finals, much less on the same line, I would’ve told you that you were crazy, but throughout the season, these two have shown that rivalry fire can easily translate into on-ice chemistry under the right circumstances. 

Eric: Trust me, Nick, I think these two are going to do a lot to surprise you. 

Nick: I’d imagine so with how these two have been playing tonight, each wracking up an astounding 16 shots on goal each, and we still have one whole period to go!

Eric: I really want to give a shout-out to Mission goalie Carbry Finn tonight. Rozanov and Hollander were both two of my sleep paralysis demons when I had to defend against them separately; going up against them both on the same line would almost certainly haunt me for the rest of my days. He’s put up a lot of amazing saves, even with Centaurs currently in the lead 2 to 1

Nick: Indeed. And while the Centaurs are looking strong this game, I wouldn’t count the Mission out just yet, though if you listened to the sound of that Ottawa crowd, you’d certainly think the cup was already in their hands. Let's indulge the fans for a moment and consider what might happen at the end of this game tonight. With 3 wins already secured, Ottawa is either winning the cup tonight or the Mission will take it to game 7. If the Centaurs take it home tonight, who do you think is looking best to win the Conn Smythe Trophy for MVP tonight? 

Eric: Well, even though Rozanov and Hollander play for the same team now… I know them both personally and I know they are both still extremely competitive with each other. Hollander has one Conn Smythe already under his belt, and I know Rozanov is going to have a fire under his ass to get his first, which has certainly been reflected in his play this series. And not to spoil anything, but the pair has informed me that they have a very important personal competition going between them that will be decided by the Conn Smythe if one of them does win. Realistically, though, it could go to either of them. They are neck and neck in points and goals for this series, I think it will really come down to this game or the next if the Mission hold out that long.

Nick: Now this is the insider information we’ve brought you on for! 

~~~~~

Shane and Ilya had barely spoken during the game. Even during intermission, they simply made eye contact, gave each other a nod with the same steadfast determination in their eyes, and got ready to go to work. 

For the first finals that either of them had been in, there would be no bittersweet feelings for this win. No pride for the other, mixed with the disappointment of their own loss. They would win or lose this game, this series together. Either way, they would go home together at the end. That in itself was a win. 

Maybe it wasn’t fair to say that there would be no disappointment at all. Shane and Ilya had fiercely debated how, and more importantly who, was going to announce their relationship to the world. Shane wanted a press conference and shared Instagram post a week after the game – to allow the Ottawa cup win to be enjoyed separately and not overshadowed by their announcement. Ilya wanted to kiss on the ice after the final buzzer – breaking the internet and one-upping Scott Hunter in the process. It had become a fierce debate in the locker room, especially after the team had fully supported either option and, in true Centaurs fashion, begun placing bets on who would win out in the end. 

Ilya and Shane competed hard, playing some of the best hockey they had ever managed in their professional careers. There had definitely been a few goals in this series that would make their way onto some “Greatest Goals of All Time” compilations. By the third period of game 6, and what they were hoping would be the final game in the series, the two men were almost perfectly tied in points for the series, and Shane was ahead by just one goal. Shane secretly thought it would go to Ilya, who had done an incredible job captaining this team all season. Ilya secretly hoped the award would go to his husband because it was clear to anyone with eyes that Shane was the more technically impressive skater and stick handler, putting away goals that truly seemed like magic. 

With 5 minutes left of game time the score was still at 2-1 Ottawa, but the Centaurs refused to get cocky or let up on the intensity. They knew better than anyone how easy it was to get two goals in almost no game time, and they didn’t just want to win. This team wanted to show the world that they were here to dominate. 

Shane met the opposing center for the face-off. 

“You’ve played well this game. Good Luck,” Hollander smiled across the line. The Captain of the Mission looked completely stunned. He was about 6 years younger than Hollander and probably had one of his posters in his childhood bedroom. Maybe a Funko pop. Shane won the face off. 

He quickly deflected the puck over to Barrett, the opposing team had come to expect that he’d pass to Ilya, and Ilya had already taken off towards goal. Shane followed Barrett, helping to cover him from the opposing defence. 

Troy aggressively knocked a defenseman away from him, before passing the puck to Shane in the crease. Shane took a quick wrist shot, and the puck went careening over the ice towards the right side post. 

It was impressively deflected by the goalie's pads. 

Rozanov tried to regain control of the puck, but it was quickly snagged by a defenseman. The Mission defenders sent the puck racing back to neutral ice, where it was picked up by their forwards. Shane and Ilya went racing towards the puck in a mad dash that would’ve made the Canadian Olympic speed skaters impressed.

Ilya arrived first, quickly pinning the forward against the boards in a mad battle for the puck. Both opponents chipped and slashed the puck against the boards until Rozanov finally got it loose, taking control of it and making it back to neutral ice. Rozanov handed the puck over to the next shift, trading out spaces on the bench, and found his place next to Shane. 

Ilya could see the gears turning in Shane's head. Ilya took a minute to survey the ice, trying to see the crack in the Mission defense that his husband could clearly see. 

“What is it?” Rozanov asked when he’d finally given up. They likely only had another minute or two before they were back on the ice anyway. 

“Number 37, the defenseman. He keeps his stance wider than he needs too… Ilya, next shift you play center, let me take wing. Even if it doesn’t look like I have an opening to pass, just get your ass next to close to the net.” 

“So bossy, Hollander. You trying to get the A or something.”

“Shut up, Rozanov. I wouldn’t take the risk if we weren’t up by one, but…  I’ve got this.” Shane said, finally tearing his eyes away from the ice to look at his husband with sheer determination. 

Shane put his hand up on the center of his chest, his wedding ring below buried under layers of padding and jersey. Ilya did the same and only nodded. The previous shift made their way in and Shane and Ilya took off back to center ice. 

Shane sprinted over to a Centaur defenseman who was keeping control of the puck before he could hand it off. Shane went wide, carrying the puck head-on towards the right defenseman #37. There was a ton of traffic near the net, but Ilya had already made his way to the left side of the net, both opposing defensemen in between clearly surprised at the line change-up and not quite sure if they should focus on Rozanov or Hollander. Or Barrett for that matter, because he was across the ice to Shane’s left and lined up for a typical pass. 

Rozanov was typically pretty stoic during a game as intense as this but as he made eye contact with the love of his life from across the ice, his mouth cracked into the unguarded joyful smile he typically reserved for the cottage. He saw what his husband was planning mere milliseconds before Shane put it into action. 

Hollander skated forward, passing the blue line and slightly to the left, positioning the defenseman exactly where Shane wanted him. He scooped the puck up into the air with a flick, tossing it once with his blade, before slapping it back down through the confused defenseman's legs. 

In a second, Shane skirted around him once again, taking control of the puck behind #37 before making a quick snap shot pass over to Ilya past the other defenseman. It all happened in the blink of an eye, but Ilya didn’t hesitate before slamming the puck in the back of the net. 

The buzzer had barely even rung out, signifying the goal, before Ilya was throwing himself at Shane, smashing his helmet into him. 

“That was fucking disgusting, Hollzy,” Barrett almost screamed with complete awe and pride over the noise of their hometown fans. 

“It was Roz’s goal.” Shane smiled shyly, but Ilya could still see that he was more than a little smug. The team celebrated for a little while before Wiebe shouted over to them. 

“Alright, guys, we still have a game to play,” and the Centaurs returned to their bench. 

“That was probably the hottest thing I’ve ever seen you do,” Ilya whispered in his ear. 

“Hotter than Vegas?” Shane quipped, not able to make eye contact with Ilya. 

“-- Today's assist was the second hottest thing I’ve ever seen you do.” 

~~~

As they sat there on the bench for the final minute of the game, removing their helmets and gloves, Ilya looked away from Shane to take in the hometown crowd. They had fucking done it, Ilya let himself think. In under a year since Shane had been let go as a free agent and opted to move to Ottawa, they were seconds away from winning the fucking Cup. He looked over at Shane, who had a very guilty look on his face, but before Ilya could take the time to question it, the final buzzer rang out. They had fucking done it. 

Ilya and Shane jumped the boards to join their team on the ice, burying themselves in the hugs of their teammates. Their family. Bood was crying, slapping all the men on the back. Someone, maybe Luca, was screaming lets fucking go. Ilya looked over at Shane, trying to hold back tears. His first cup had been dedicated to his mother, but this win. This cup was for Shane.

And suddenly, Shane reached up with his left hand, grabbing Ilya’s face to pull him down. Ilya hesitated for a moment; Shane only gave him a questioning look.

He knew he wanted this, knew they were ready. He wanted everyone to know. But a treacherous part of his heart that was raised in a country that jailed men like him wanted Shane to run. To protect him and keep him safe. Ilya blinked, and the panic was gone, but he wondered if that dread really ever went away. He thought about the 64 hundred countries that he and Shane could never safely travel to now they were coming out. He thought about the men in those countries who weren’t good enough at hockey or another exceptional skill enough to be their ticket to freedom. For to the chance for love without fear. Ilya knew he could not save every one of them, but he hoped his love could prove that it was possible. 

Ilya kissed Shane like no one was watching. Like everyone was watching. Like the world itself could explode, and they would just keep on kissing until there was nothing left. 

And it was a good fucking kiss, maybe only topped by their first kiss as husbands less than a year ago.

They only broke apart when they came back to earth with the chants of their teammates. 

“Hollanov, Hollanov, Hollanov” 

It was only then that Ilya realized the truth of what Shane had done when he felt the hard band of metal against his face where Shane was still holding him. 

“You sneaky little shit. You put on your wedding ring,” Ilya laughed, smiling down at this gorgeous fucking man. 

“You should join me,” was all Shane said as he snaked his fingers under Roz jersey, finding the chain there. Ilya simply looked at him with amazement as Shane undid the clasp to retrieve Ilya’s ring. 

Knowing the cameras were pointed at them, Shane took Ilya’s hand and put the wedding band back where it belonged. Where it would stay forever now. 

“Eat your heart out, Scott Hunter” Shane said, beaming with tears in his eyes. 

“I want to marry you all over again,” Ilya said, before crashing his lips back into Shane’s. 

ESPN News

BREAKING: The Ottawa Centaurs Bring Home the Cup; Captain Ilya Rozanov and All-Star Shane Hollander Seen Kissing in Celebration

More coverage regarding this historic win is coming shortly.

Twitter

Cents #1 Fan @JustPuckingAround - 8:50 pm June 17th, 2023

Ottawa finally brings home the cup!!!!!!

10 Retweets 460 Likes

Shane Hollanders 31st Freckle @puckwhisperer - 8:51pm June 17nd, 2023

Holy fucking shit. Did anyone else just die and go to heaven? My fucking team just won the cup and Hollanov just became cannon in one night? Somebody fucking check my pulse. 

19 Retweets 860 Likes

Shane Hollanders 31st Freckle @puckwhisperer - 8:54pm June 17nd, 2023

Alert, Alert. They have fucking rings. They have fucking matching rings. Shane Hollander just put a fucking ring on Ilya Rozanov’s hand. ARE THEY FUCKING ENGAGED?!?

7 Retweets 201 Likes

Future NHL WAG @hockeybabe81 - 8:59 pm June 17nd, 2023

I don’t blame him. Rozanov got that god level assist from Hollander and said “fuck, let me lock that shit down real quick”

89 Retweets 1k Likes

The Irina Foundation @IrinaFoundationOfficia -l 9:15 pm June 17nd, 2023

Though we had been expecting to send out this message later this week, we are happy to announce the marriage of Shane and Ilya Hollander-Rozanov, which was done in a private ceremony at their private cottage last July. We are so happy they have found each other to celebrate their achievements together and we are so proud of our son’s for their newest Championship victory - David and Yuna Hollander

[photo of Shane and Ilya both in suits at the end of the cabin dock. Both men are in tears as Ilya puts a ring on Shane’s finger]

1k Retweets 8.6k Likes

Amy C @NYhockeyGal - 9:17 pm June 17nd, 2023

Hollander-Rozanov? They hyphenated? OH my heart, I am unwell #HollanovIsReal

140 Retweets 1.5k Likes

Shane Hollanders 31st Freckle @puckwhisperer - 9:25 pm June 17nd, 2023

I might need somebody to come sedate me holy shit, they are already fucking married #Hollanov

10 Retweets 460 Likes

Scott Hunter Official @SHunter21 - 9:32 pm June 17nd, 2023

Though I have already congratulated them on their marriage once, my husband and I are happy to congratulate the couple on their recent win. @Shanehollanderhockeyplayer I still don’t know what you see in him, but I’ll admit his new Conn Smyth does make him look pretty handsome 

1.5K Retweets 9K Likes

Future NHL WAG @hockeybabe81 - 9:36 pm June 17nd, 2023

Fucking hell, a new husband, a second Cup, and MVP all in one night. Fuck you Ilya Rozanov #GodDoesHaveFavorites

12 Retweets 923 Likes

Cents #1 Fan @JustPuckingAround - 9:36 pm June 17nd, 2023

The Centaurs are officially the gayest team in hockey bitches! If one gay man on the Admirals won a single Cup, imagine what three queer men on the Centaurs is going to bring! #GayestTeamMHL

10 Retweets 460 Likes

Rose Landry @RoseLandryOfficial  - 9:45 pm June 17nd, 2023

I was privileged to watch my favorite gay boyfriend @ShaneHollanderHockeyPlayer marry the love of his life almost a year ago and I am so happy that they can finally share their love with the world. Congratulations on the cup you two! #GoCents

[Image description: Shane and Ilya are holding hands in their wedding tuxes, while talking to Rose on the back lawn of their cottage. The sun is setting on the lake in the background behind them]

12.5K Retweets 190.2K Likes

Hollanove Truther @hockeyhottie8124 - 9:59 pm June 17nd, 2023

Screaming. Crying. Throwing up. #LoveWins

80 Retweets 670 Likes

~~~~

When Yuna Hollander first started building her 18-year-old son’s brand, she didn’t actually know why yet, but she knew that her son would need social capital. Most hockey players, even the greatest, didn’t have much pull beyond the hockey world and certainly not more than the MHL. But her son was going to be different. 

Yuna didn’t know when the time would come.  Whether it would be because of his heritage or his neurodivergence or what she had suspected of her son's sexuality, but she worried a time would come when Shane would need to fight for his right to be seen as the greatest hockey player in the world, despite what people would say about him. Fight for his career. 

So she made Shane, and his cute freckles, adored. She leaned into the Serena Williams and Tiger Woods comparisons and got him deals with Adidas, Gatorade, and Visa. She used his looks to get him modeling gigs, perfume commercials, and brand trips with Rolex. She built the myth of the hockey god Shane Hollander - Captain, Olympian, Legend.

And when the universe gifted her with another son, Yuna had taken him under her wing and done the same (though this son had been decidedly more difficult to keep to his PR lines). 

By the time Ilya had come around to the idea of better PR, Yuna had a better idea of what she was fighting for. She wanted her son to stand together as national treasures, so big even the MHL would be scared to take them on. While the boys were still celebrating their championship win, she had already done the work to file their marriage license and submitted the first required paperwork for Ilya’s citizenship. 

Within the week of their Championship win, Yuna pulled them out for interviews with all the major news organizations, some of the biggest brand partnerships of their careers, and a few well-timed paparazzi shots in their hometown (Rose had been more than happy to indulge her).

Crowell was pissed, anyone who really looked could tell, and he was out for blood. So Yuna, their agent, and the Hollanders lawyers sent a warning shot of a cease and desist, politely informing Crowell that they had all their ducks in a row and even the tiniest public whiff of an inquest into their lives would be met with a discrimination suit. To put a cherry on the cake, the Hollander-Rozanov couple made a very public and large donation to the Canadian Civil Liberties Association and the American Civil Liberties Union (ACLU). A silent warning that they would not go down without a fight. 

Yuna Hollander capped it all off with her crowning jewel: The PR Press Tour of the Century. 

The Hollander-Rozanov’s did Hot Ones and the Buzzfeed Puppy video (Ilya’s favorite). They went on big hockey and queer podcasts and went to one of Rose’s premieres. They were guests on the Tonight Show, co-hosted SNL, and did carpool karaoke. Before the MLH awards had even happened, they'd been announced as the parade marshals for both the Ottawa and Montreal Pride Parades (the second of which had been a huge win for Yuna). 

By the time the MLH awards rolled around in late June, Yuna's boys were already beloved in Canada and known to the world as The First Husbands of Hockey. Crowell could try to worm his way into the press, maybe even try to screw over her sons from being inducted into the Hall of Fame. But he could never take away how the public viewed them now; two men who were some of the greatest of all time.  

She couldn’t protect them from everything. There were still whispers of cheating allegations; journalists who were combing over the entirety of her son’s careers hoping to find evidence of collusion between the now husbands. There were think pieces regarding Shane’s race, Ilya’s citizenship, and the pair's queerness impacting their gameplay. There were death threats sent to the Irina Foundation and Centaurs management. There would always be those questioning the Hollander-Rozanov’s right to be standing at the top. 

But more than that, there were millions of hockey fans and queer people and queer hockey fans (and more than a few Rose Landry fans that were just happy to be included) that cried out their overwhelming support for the pair. These days, people didn’t even whisper about the trip at the end of last season's playoffs; they were too busy talking about the generational dynasty that was shaping up from the most unlikely of Canadian cities.

Yuna Hollander had done well. For her sons, she had built a legacy.

~~~~

When Shane had accepted the Art Ross Trophy for most points in the regular season earlier, he’d fully expected that it was going to be the only acceptance speech he was making that night and he’d exhausted all of his prepared remarks. After all, Ilya had received MVP during the Cup series as well as the Rocket Richard Award for top goal scorer in the regular season tonight. He thought the voters would’ve been mad to award anyone else but Ilya, but maybe he was biased. 

So when they called out his name for the Hart Memorial MVP award, Shane was genuinely awestruck. Ilya hauled him onto his feet, into a bone crushing hug that felt like home. After hugging both of his parents, he began to make his way to the stage, refusing to let go of his husband's hand. 

“Shane, what are you doing?” 

“Come with me. Please,” Shane knew that he wasn’t playing fair by giving Ilya his own version of heart eyes. But Ilya had never really been able to deny Shane anything that he asked anyways.

“Okay” 

Once on stage, Shane shook the hands of the presenters and made his way to the microphone. Ilya let himself be dragged along, placing himself just one step behind his husband, only letting go of his husband's hand to place a comforting hand at his shoulder.

“I know it’s a little unconventional to bring my spouse up on stage with me, but I know for a fact most of you neglected to get me a wedding present last year so I ask that you indulge me” Shane began, to the laughter of the room. While Shane's smile was definitely still polished for the camera, Ilya was happy to see it was much closer to what he knew to be a genuine Shane smile.

“I am not sure if any of you remember, but my husband and I have actually shared this stage before, about 8 years ago, when we presented the award for most sportsmanlike conduct. At the time the joke was that we were rivals who could barely keep it together for 30 seconds on stage without chirping each other. The truth is – at that ceremony, I was already halfway in love with Ilya and was sick to my stomach knowing that I would one day have to choose between him and my career - believing that I’d have to break my own heart to ever be accepted up on this stage again”. Behind him, Ilya was staring at Shane’s profile like he was gazing into the sun, so beautiful and impossible to look away. 

“Which is why our being nominated this year was such a big dream. Whether Ilya or I won, everyone would now know that it really didn’t matter which one of us went too because it was going home to the same trophy room. — Though I will say I think my side of the room is a bit fuller.”

The whole crowd laughed when his husband could be heard saying “asshole” behind him. Shane didn’t need to look; he knew Ilya would be smiling just as wide as he was.

“But before I take my loser husband backstage and kiss him senseless, I wanted to take this platform to give a bit of free advice to the league at large. MVPs like my husband and I are only as strong as the team they come from. For seasons, the Centaurs were looked down upon as misfits, people that had never truly found their footing under the guide of another team, men who under Brandon Wiebe's guidance, have flourished and come into our own because we were accepted for who we are.”

“We aren’t the best hockey team because we are the gayest, like some have joked. We are the queerest team, because from management down there has always been an active focus on diversity, inclusion, and support in our locker room and in the entire organization. Everyone is appreciated for who they are, without judgment or fear. That support and genuine connection is why we are the openly queerest team, but it’s also why we are the best. Because when you can walk into the room and know without a doubt that every member of your team has your back, there’s nothing else to worry about but the ice. And when you so clearly wear your supportive team dynamics with pride, you will inevitably attract great hockey players who just want the same.” 

“I want to thank you all for this award, but for those who wish we had rather stayed quiet, stuck to hockey as it was, I just want you to know, Ilya and I will not back down. We will not be silent about our love -  we will be here next year for my husband's turn at this podium. Or the next or the next or the next because we are not going anywhere. And we are not done winning Cups.” 

Centaurs Team - Hollander - Rozanov + Harris

Harris added Shane Hollander-Rozanov 

Harris added Ilya Hollander-Rozanov

Harris changed group name to Centaurs Team + Harris

Harris: SHANE HOLLANDER-ROZANOV 

Harris: WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU WERE IN LOVE WITH ILYA 8 YEARS AGO

Dykstra: What the hell is this timeline?

Young: 

LaPointe:

Harris: Ilya Grigoryevich Hollander-Rozanov you and your husband better explain right now

Bood: Thanks Shane for the really nice things you said in your speech. That was really awesome dude

Luca, Dykstra, and 4 others liked this message

Harris: Do not distract them, I need answers

Luca: I mean the internet has been shipping them since like 2010. There’s videos of them basically flirting on the ice for basically just as long

Harris: And why do you know that?

Harris: Luca if you have an embarrassing Tumblr account that I don’t know about so help me god…

Luca: …..

Luca: so what is the timeline anyways

Harris: Right?! I need to know

Shane smiled over Ilya’s shoulder, reading the texts flooding in from their team, while they were backstage at the awards ceremony.

“We should probably text them back,” he said.

“Yes.. but after.”

“After?” Shane inquired.

“I believe you just stood up on stage and told the world that you were going to kiss me senseless. Will you disappoint them?” 

“Nope” was all Shane could say before Ilya pressed him up against the wall in the hallway, where anyone could see them, and kissed him.

They had strayed far from the path they had planned in that first summer in the cottage and even further from the one Shane had laid out when he proposed over a year ago. Shane’s own life had diverged far from the dreams he’d had for himself at 19 but that was partially because he had believed that the odds of him getting to keep hockey and Ilya were next to none. What Shane hadn’t anticipated was that Ilya Rozanov had spent his whole life beating impossible odds. 

Chapter End Notes

Me at 16 writing fan fiction: And what if they kissed?!
Me at almost 30, writing fan fiction: And what if they healed from their shared trauma and learned how to have fun again and the world mostly treated them with kindness and respect?

Thank you all so so much for reading. This is the biggest project I've had the energy to work on in a really long time, and I am so grateful for every supportive comment you've all made. While this storyline is done, I have a few one-shots planned in this AU that I hope you will enjoy when they come out!

Shout out to social media fic writers, the formatting of just the Twitter section (I am never going to call it fucking X) sections of this fic took me an obscenely long amount of time.

Edit: OMG I did not realize that I forgot to mention, but Shane's goal is directly inspired by a goal made by Abbey Murphy at the University of Minnesota. She is also a member of the USA Women's Hockey team that just won gold. If y'all want some real life Heated Rivalry, do not sleep on the PWHL and womens hockey in general!