Roz's Mystery Girl

Centaurs without Roz

Hey everyone… So I noticed something today at practice
Bood
Is it about Roz?
Yeah…
You know that chain he’s always wearing?
It fell out of his jersey and I could have sworn there was a ring on it…
Bood
What??
Dykstra
??
Chouinard
??
Bood
Roz doesn’t have a girlfriend right?
Dykstra
No, apparently he has a fiancé?
Haas
Cap is getting married?
Bood
Yeah, sorry to burst your bubble, rook
Haas
….
I don’t want to assume anything but it sure looked like it
Also, has he been happier lately?
Bood
He has been going out with us a lot more, I guess?
Dykstra
Must have something to do with this mystery girl then
Chouinard
Does anyone have any idea who it could be?
Haas
He hasn’t said anything to me…
Bood
It’s okay rook, he didn’t share his big secret with us either
Haas
??
Why wouldn’t he just tell us though?
Dillon
I don’t know
Bood
He never tells us much about his private life I guess
Did really nobody know about this?
Dykstra
No
Chouinard
No
Bood
No
Haas
No
Dillon
No
Boyle
No
Bood
Not even you Barrett, you guys are pretty close?
Barrett
….
Barrett? Do you know something?
Barrett
….
Fuck it, I’m asking Roz

WAGS+Harris(Growing Heart )

Caitlin
I can’t tell you how excited I am
Cassie
Did you get the number??
Lisa
Yes!!! Adding right now
Lisa added Jane to the conversation
Lisa
Hi Jane!!
Cassie
Welcome Jane!
Caitlin
Hi! We’re so excited to have you here!
Harris
Hii
Selena
Jane! Finally
Lisa
Selena (Face With Tears Of Joy )
Hi everyone!
It’s so nice to meet you(Smiling Face With Smiling Eyes )
Lisa
Jane, are you with Roz right now?
Yes, why?
Lisa
Slap him for not telling us about you sooner!
Caitlin
Make it hard!!!
Cassie
(Face With Tears Of Joy )
But agreed, hit him hard
Harris
I have to say I don’t condone violence
But in this case… Yeah, make it count Jane
Harris, you literally knew?
I’m confused
Caitlin
What??
Selena
Harris, what the hell?
Lisa
Just so you know, I’m on my way to kill you right now Harris(Face Throwing A Kiss )
Cassie
Traitor
Harris
Guys, I swear Troy waited the longest time to tell me
Roz told him it was a secret
Apparently guys take that way too seriously and don’t even tell their partners anymore
Lisa
Hate to break this to you Harris…
But you’re a man
I know… It’s heartbreaking
Oh don’t hate Harris! Ilya told him not to say anything
Cassie
We understand babe
Selena
Just joking around
Caitlin
It’s what this chat is for!!
Oh, and for supporting our partners I guess
Oh
Well, I’m very glad to be here!
Hopefully we get to meet in real life one day
Lisa
Yes, I’m hoping we at least get invited to the wedding?? Cause when did that happen?
Caitlin
Right?? Jane tell us more
Selena
Please we’re dying to know the deeds, our husbands won’t tell us anything
I guess they don’t know anything either cause THEY DON’T ASK
Cassie
Yesss Jane, spill!!
I guess I can tell you something…
So everyone remembers the plane crash?
*almost plane crash
Cassie
Yes….
Lisa
Eh, yeah…
Caitlin
Scariest day of my life??
Selena
Don’t remind me…
Oh, sorry… I really didn’t mean to…
Cassie
Jane!!!! It’s okay, just get on with it!!
Selena
Yes, please!!! Plane crash who?? I forgot already
Lisa
Selena, don’t scare the girl off, she’s been here 2 minutes
Harris
Jane, ignore everyone and keep telling your story
Oh yeah, sure, sorry!!
Caitlin
Stop saying sorry!!!
Sorry
Fuck
Ignore that
So after Ilya almost died... it kind of felt like I might die? So I went home, put candles everywhere and when he came in I proposed
Caitlin
Wait, you proposed?!
Selena
Hell yes, girl power!!!
Lisa
Fuck yes!! What did Roz say??
He said yes?
Obviously?
We’re engaged

WAGS+Harris(Growing Heart )

Cassie
Hey Jane
When we were at the game today, we came up with an idea
We want to order custom Centaur Sweatshirts with our partners name and number on it!
Would you like one too?
Hi
Is it going to be the same sweatshirt Ilya wears to practice sometimes?
Selena
Yes!
Maybe without the ugly logo
I want one that is exactly like the one Ilya has though
Lisa
She is joking, we will definitely keep the ugly logo on there
It is kind of ugly
Cassie
Awesome!
What size should I get you?
Large?
So I can pretend it is Ilya’s when I’m wearing it 😊
Caitlin
Aren’t you the cutest?! (Weary Face )
I’ll send you my address in Montreal
Then I can surprise Ilya by wearing it
Selena
Is that for the reason I think it is?
…. 😊
Selena
Jane?!
What happened to our innocent Jane…
Lisa
Pretty sure you have corrupted her

WAGS+Harris(Growing Heart )

Just want to say thanks to whoever came up with the custom sweatshirt idea
I had a lot of fun yesterday 😊
Selena
JANE
Caitlin
Wait, did you mean to send this in the groupchat this time?
Like I said, I wanted to say thanks 😊
Selena
Jane, secretly freaky, confirmed????
Lisa
Jane, you’re very welcome
Also, I am going to need more details than that
Selena
Yes please!!
I need to know EVERYTHING
Cassie
So keeping it a secret worked then?
There is not a lot of details..?
Caitlin
Babe…
I know you can do better than that
There aren’t!
I put it on and as soon as Ilya walked in he jumped my bones
Lisa
(Face With Tears Of Joy )
Did he say anything at all??
We were kind of too busy to talk?
But I think he really liked it
I am still having trouble walking
Lisa
JANE???
Selena
Oh, I’m living for this Jane(Weary Face )
Caitlin
Evan wasn’t nearly that excited when I wore his name and number(Crying Face )
Lisa
Same…
Cassie
Zane said he liked seeing me wear it? But that’s where the conversation stopped..
Ilya is constantly texting me to ask for pictures of me wearing it
I’m not indulging him
He can see it on me next time(Smirking Face )
So he can take it off again
Selena
Jane baby you need to stop(Crying Face )
You were supposed to be our innocent Jane
Lisa
It doesn’t sound like she was ever innocent
Caitlin
Jane, can you stop rubbing your perfect sex life in our faces?
Oh
Sorry
I thought it was okay to share?
Sorry if I overstepped
Lisa
Jane
Sorry jar!!
x2
Selena
Eh it’s always okay to share??
These are the things we want to hear!!! (Smiling Face With Horns )
Harris
I don’t think I wanted to know this much about Roz’ sex life??
But apparently he likes seeing his own name on someone?!
Yes, he wanted me to keep it on
I think the exact words he used were ‘You are not allowed to take this off ever again’
Lisa
OH MY GOD
Selena
Now I’m jealous(Pouting Face )
Caitlin
You and me both girl
*sigh*
He had a lot more stamina after seeing his name on me
And yes you can mention this to your partners
Please do
If he’s allowed to talk about our sex life with his teammates, I can do the same(Smirking Face )
Cassie
(Face With Tears Of Joy )
Harris
Troy’s gonna love this(Face With Tears Of Joy )
Lisa
Consider it done
Caitlin
Will do girl
Selena
This is now the best day of my life

WAGS+Harris(Growing Heart )

Lisa
So Wyatt and me tried it again last night
Selena
’It’ being…?
Lisa
….pegging?
Selena
Oh God, how was it this time(Face With Tears Of Joy )
Lisa
A LOT better than last time
We actually had a lot of fun
10/10 do recommend
Selena
Tell us more
Lisa
Not a lot to tell
I mean, Wyatt probably had the biggest orgasm of his life
But that’s it really, nothing special(Eyes )
Selena
BIGGEST ORGASM OF HIS LIFE?!
Lisa
Uhuh… 😊
So thanks for the advice, Jane
We had an awesome time
Selena
Maybe I need to bring it up in conversation with my Nicky
Or do you think you could get Roz to do that again, Jane??
I’m glad you had a good time, Lisa 😊
Please don’t ask me to ask Ilya
His ego would get even bigger than it is now (if that’s even possible)
Lisa
So, Jane, just wondering…
When you gave me advice, that was definitely from personal experience, right?
Yeah, but Ilya could probably give you better advice, since he is the one who does it to me
Fuck
Sorry, forget I said that
Selena
Oh, I'm never forgetting this(Face With Tears Of Joy )
Also, tell me more
I’m trying to live vicariously through both of you
Lisa
So Roz is good at it, huh?
So good
Seriously, can’t even explain it
Every guy should try it once in their life
Harris
Agreed
No feeling like it
Your men are truly missing out
Well, except Wyatt now
Lisa
I hope it’s going to be a regular thing
I liked doing it
And I liked that he liked it so much
So Jane, thank Roz for us
Won’t be doing that thank you very much
And Wyatt would never hear the end of it
Selena
Lisa, what is the best tip you could give me if I’m going to be trying this with Nicky?
Lisa
Lube
Definitely use lube
Caitlin
What fucking conversation did I just roll into(Face With Tears Of Joy )
Cassie
Right?! (Face With Tears Of Joy )
Lisa
Peg your men girls

Lily

If I tell you something, will you promise not to let it get to your head?
No promises
What is it?
Promise me
Fine
I promise
Will you tell me now?
Remember the disaster with Wyatt and Lisa?
Do I remember? (Face With Tears Of Joy )
Please be nice…
Well, they tried it again
Last night
And it was a raging success
So Lisa wanted me to thank you for bringing it up to Wyatt
Raging success??
Apparently Wyatt had the biggest orgasm of his life
WHAHAHAHAHA
Good for Hazy
They used your advice?
If you mean, did they use lube?
Yes, they did
I can’t believe they tried it without lube first(Face With Tears Of Joy )
Promise you won’t make fun of him??
Sweetheart, you know I can’t promise that
This is just too good
Please?
What is in it for me?
Phone sex
Hmmm tempting
But you have to do better than that
I’ll wear my glasses
Sold
Lily is calling Jane
Not now asshole
You promised me phone sex?
And I think I want it now
It’s the middle of the day!
So?
It’s weird
Why?
It’s still light outside
I’ve seen you naked during the day before?
I don’t know what the problem is Jane
It’s weird!
It is not weird, you are making it weird!
Ugh, fine!
Jane is calling Lily
Why aren’t you picking up?
I don’t want to have phone sex with someone who says ‘Ugh, fine’
Come on
What do you need to hear
That you WANT to have phone sex
Fine
I want to have phone sex
I don’t believe you
What?
Ilya, you’re being annoying
Tell me what you want
I want to have phone sex
No, tell me more
Fine
I want to look at you and see your cock get hard from just looking at me
Hmmm tell me more
I want you to tell me what to do to my cock
I want you to tell me what you would do to me if you were here with me right now
More
I want to think about you thrusting inside me when I use my fingers to open myself up
Yeah? You like thinking about me?
I always think about you
So eager for me
Yes
Tell me you only think about me
I always only think about you
Tell me there is no one who could make you come so hard
There is no one who could make me come so hard
Tell me I have the best cock you’ve ever had
You are the only cock I’ve ever had
Tell me
You have the best cock I’ve ever had
Good
Are you hard right now?
Yes
Stroke yourself
Fuck
I’m doing it
Okay, I will call you now
Finally
Lily is calling Jane
This was fun
Yeah it was
No one can make you come as hard as me, huh?
Shut up
Now that we had phone sex I really can't talk to Hazy about the pegging?
That was the deal
Can I at least tell him congratulations?
For having biggest orgasm of his life?
No
Boring
You know me
I’m boring
I love your boring
Wow really, I’ve never heard that before
My Jane, always so nice to me
Only to you
Good
Can’t wait to see you this weekend
Ah, so we can do this in real life(Smiling Face With Horns )
That too…
But I can’t wait to meet your friends 😊
Really?
Yeah
I am actually kind of looking forward to it?
All the girls seem so nice
And from your stories the guys seem nice as well
They are nice
Yeah, I think so too
I can’t wait for them to meet you
They will see I’m not lying when I say my fiancé is the most beautiful person in the whole world
You think?
Everybody is going to love you
Only one thing I’m scared of…
What is that?
I think they will love you more than they love me
No way
You’re their Captain, there is no one they could love more
Hmm, I don’t know, you are pretty great
Not as great as you
Don’t agree
It’s true
It’s not
You are greater than me
No you are greater than me
No, don’t think so
My fiancé has the most beautiful eyes…
That’s weird, because my fiancé has the most beautiful eyes
And he also has the most beautiful hair
Ah, no, not possible, my fiancé has the most beautiful hair
And he has these gorgeous freckles all over his face, impossible not to fall in love with him
Hmm, my fiancé doesn’t have freckles, but he has these moles all over his body that I’m just obsessed with
And he is built like a Greek God, I’m betting your fiancé isn’t
Oh, he is, he is very athletic, and also really flexible
Is really good for certain things
But your fiancé does not have an ass like mine does
Seriously, it’s perfect
So round
It’s like two moons next to each other
No, my fiancé has a better ass
Perfect for me
Fit perfectly around my cock
If we’re talking about cocks now, my fiancé has the best one
Not true, my fiancé has the best one
No, his cock is so good, I dream about sucking it all the time
Love the taste
Feels so good to wrap my lips around it
When I see it, I can't wait to get on my knees
Best cock ever
Fuck, you’re getting me hard again
YES
I WIN
No you did not win
I did win, you stopped naming things first
No, this is not fair!
You were trying to get me hard
Is cheating
I didn’t know there were rules
Getting you hard was just good strategy
You need strategy for sexting now?
You are so boring
If I’m so boring, why are you hard right now(Smirking Face )
You are very mean
Am not
You are
Meanest person I know
Do you want me to be mean to you some more?
Yes
Call me
I will be mean to you WHILE you're coming
Fuck
You make me crazy
Lily is calling Jane

WAGS+Harris+’Jane’(Growing Heart )

Cassie changed the name of the group
Cassie
Had to change it, because it wasn’t accurate anymore, since Jane is not actually a wife or a girlfriend
And I assumed Jane is not really your name?
No
But you can keep it like this for now
You’ll know my name by the end of the week anyway 😊
Lisa
What do you mean??
Selena
Caitlin
Jane, tell us what is happening, please?
Well, I supposed I haven’t really asked yet…
But I was wondering if I could come with Ilya to the party Saturday?
If that’s okay with you of course, Cassie?
Cassie
IF THAT’S OKAY???
We’ve only been DYING to meet you for ages!!
Selena
If anything you’ve got us BEGGING if we can finally meet you
Lisa
Indeed
I will start
Please, my dearest Jane, please come to the party on Saturday
Caitlin
Pretty pleaaaasee
Cassie
Jane, please come
Selena
Please
Please
Please
I’m not stopping until you confirm
Please
Please
I asked to be invited, so obviously I will come?
Selena
YES
We did it girls!!!!
Harris
And I didn’t even have to beg
Btw, Jane, I was wondering
Does your fake name sound anything like your real name?
Why do you ask?
Lisa
Oh, good question!! Maybe we can figure it out!
Caitlin
Jane, what do you have to say?
I mean, it might sound a little like it?
Harris
Hmm, very interesting
Here are the facts
We know you’re a man
You live in Montreal
You are definitely a Metros ‘fan’
And your name sounds like Jane….
Sounds like anyone we know?
Cassie
Harris, what are you getting at?
Caitlin
Yes, what do you mean?
Lisa
Uhmmm, guys??
Remember his ‘favorite’ hockey player?
Selena
Yeah, Shane Hollander
But we already established that he is a Metros fan?
Cassie
Oh my God
Caitlin
No, you’re kidding
Harris
Is everyone thinking what I’m thinking?
Selena
No?
Lisa
I’m pretty sure I am thinking what you are thinking
And I’m freaking out!!!!!
Caitlin
Right?!
Because, HOLY FUCK
Selena
Can anybody tell me what is going on here?!
Lisa
Do we need to spell it out? (Face With Tears Of Joy )
Cassie
Selena, honey
Jane…. Shane…
Selena
OH MY GOD
IS THIS REAL?
HOLY FUUUUCK
Harris
Holy fuck indeed
Even if I already had my suspicions
Selena
How the hell could you have guessed THIS?!
Lisa
Jane, can you confirm?
Caitlin
Jane, can you come back and confirm please?
Cassie
Jane?
Selena
Why is everyone saying Jane?!
Shane
Shane, come back to us
SHANE
SHANE HOLLANDER, COME BACK AND TELL US IT’S YOU
Please

Lily

The girls have figured it out
I mean, with me being a Metros fan, living in Montreal and my name sounding like Jane it wasn’t that hard
Are you okay with that?
Yeah, I think so
They were going to find out Saturday anyway, so…
You asked Cassie about the party?
Yeah, she said I could come
Like I said
I know, I just wanted to be sure!
Are you excited?
Yes
Are you lying?
…No?
It’s okay to be afraid, sweetheart
I’m not afraid
I don’t think
Just nervous
Good
Nervous is good
I am nervous too
Really?
Why?
I’ve wanted it for so long
And now it’s finally here
Oh
You know it’s going to be okay, right?
Ah, you are comforting me now?
Is my job, no?
It’s my job too, asshole
Yes, but you need it more
I do not!
You need it as much as I do
Maybe even more
Not true
Very true!
You are always asking for cuddles and kisses!
You don’t even ask!
Just cling to me like baby koala
I am not a baby koala
You are a very cute baby koala
I am not a baby koala!!
No, it’s okay, I like it!
When I am a koala?
(Face With Tears Of Joy )
Yes
I like when you give me cuddles and kisses
I know
That’s why I do it
Oh, that’s the only reason why you do it?
Obviously not!
I like cuddles and kisses too
Lucky for you
I’m going to give you a lot of those this weekend
Can’t wait
I love you(Growing Heart )
I love you more(Face Throwing A Kiss )
How many times do I have to say…
IMPOSSIBLE

WAGS+Harris+Shane(Growing Heart )

Lisa changed the name of the group
Lisa
We really need to come up with a better group name
We can’t just keep adding names
Caitlin
Yeah, it’s getting ridiculously long
My fault, I guess
Selena
Yeah, it is totally your fault that Lisa comes up with BORING group names
Caitlin
(Face With Tears Of Joy )
Cassie
We had a lot of fun meeting you last night, Shane!
Caitlin
Yes, it was lovely meeting you!!
Lisa
Now you’re really a member of the WAG’s!!
Harris
Elite member if I say so
Since men are rare in this groupchat
Thanks everyone 😊
I had a lot of fun meeting all of you as well!!
Selena
And it was so fun to see the face behind the texts
Especially ‘those’ texts(Smiling Face With Horns )
Lisa
Oh God
You just made me realize something…
I can’t believe SHANE HOLLANDER gave me advice on how to peg my husband(Loudly Crying Face )
😊
You’re welcome?
Selena
(Face With Tears Of Joy )
Cassie
(Face With Tears Of Joy )
Harris
(Face With Tears Of Joy )
Caitlin
(Face With Tears Of Joy )

Centaurs without Roz

I heard something interesting from Lisa today
Roz didn’t get on one knee for his girl
Haas
What do you mean?
They’re engaged, right?
Yes…
Haas
Then how…?
Bood
We’ll wait patiently rook
Dykstra
Take your time Haasy
Chouinard
Selena told me too
Could barely make it out over all the exciting screaming
Bood
Dude, right?
I swear I’m still deaf
Won’t be hearing what anyone of you says at practice tomorrow
Haasy, you there?
Haas
I don’t get it
Young
Cap didn’t propose…
Holmberg
…but they’re still engaged
LaPointe
Now how could that have happened?
Haas
Oh, I know!
Maybe she proposed??
Bood
DING DING
DING DING
Dykstra
HAAS HAS WON
Now what do you want to claim as your prize?
Haas
Shut up
Barrett
It’s okay, Luca
Bood
Yeah, whatever Barrett
Now can we talk about how Roz got his girl to get down on her knees and propose?!
Chouinard
Seriously, if there is one thing I never expected from Roz, it’s to let his girl propose before he got to do it
Dykstra
I mean, she tamed the famous playboy, so she must be the dominant one in the relationship
Guess it’s only right for her to propose
Why are you thinking about who the dominant one is in Caps relationship?
Chouinard
Yeah… Weird dude
Dykstra
We were speculating!
I don’t see any of you coming up with a good reason?!
Sure, just speculating(Face With Tears Of Joy )
Bood
Just speculating here…
How long have you been thinking about the power dynamics in Caps relationship, Dykstra?
Dykstra
Fuck off
(Face With Tears Of Joy )
Barrett
How did you guys even find out about this?
Harris didn’t tell you?
Jane is in the WAG’s group chat now
Barrett
There is a WAG’s group chat?
And Harris is in it?
Dude, where have you been living?
We literally talked about this last week(Face With Tears Of Joy )
Barrett
I'm pretty sure I would have remembered that
Bood
Literally how??? did you bag your social media boyfriend
You’re the least online person I know
Barrett
Fuck you
Haas
Isn’t that group chat private?
Was Cap okay with you sharing this information here?
Bood
Oh, Haasy…
Chouinard
We know you love him!
Dykstra
But he’s getting married now…
But you can always come to us if you need to talk to somebody!
Bood
Or if you need to just cry it out for a little while(Crying Face )
Haas
I'm not in love with cap!!!
Who said anything about in love??
Bood
Not me
Dykstra
Me neither
Haas
Fuck you
No, it’s all good Haasy, I checked with Roz
Haas
Oh
Good
I guess I’ll congratulate him again
Bood
With what(Face With Tears Of Joy )
You go do that, rook(Face With Tears Of Joy )
Barrett
I’m sure he’ll be happy to hear from you, Luca!
Haas
Thank you 😊

Roz

Roz, you need to keep your girl in check
She keeps accidentally sexting the WAG’s group chat…
What did she say?
I’m not repeating that!
Please?
Tell meeee
No!
She won’t tell me(Crying Face )
Weren’t the texts literally meant for you?
Yes!
But she still won’t tell me(Crying Face )
Good for her
You can tell me?
I’m not getting involved in your weird sex shit!
Pleasee
No!
Fine
You’re doing extra drills at practice
What? No!
Yes
That’s not fair
Ah, you want to talk about fair?
I was in my room in my bed…
Please don’t say what you’re about to say
And I was very horny(Smiling Face With Horns )
Please stop
No you need to hear what is fair
Because apparently you don’t know
I was very horny and I wanted to have sexy talk with my very sexy Jane
Roz, I swear if you don’t stop
She stopped texting me back?
I was already worked up!
And then I found out she was sexting other people?
STOP
Those texts were for me!!!
But now I am the only one who hasn’t seen them(Crying Face )
Not fair
And somehow I don’t feel sorry for you at all
You are a very mean person(Pouting Face )
And you are still doing extra drills tomorrow
Roz, come on
Unless you want to tell me? (Eyes )
….No

Centaurs without Roz

Bood
Hey guys
Dykstra
What’s up
Bood
Did your partners talk to you?
Yeah, Lisa told me
Chouinard
Yep, Selena talked to me
So how are we going to handle this?
Haas
What is this about?
Bood
Ah, Haasy
Jane asked our partners if they could ask us to keep an eye on Roz
Apparently Jane has to travel a lot for work so they’re not going to see each other for a month or so
Haas
Wow, that’s pretty long, right?
Bood
Yeah kid, that’s pretty long
Haas
Is Cap okay?
Dykstra
We don’t know
Chouinard
I guess we’ll find out tomorrow?
How are we going to handle this though?
Can’t be too obvious, he will figure it out right away
Bood
Maybe go easy on him a little?
He won’t like that…
Dykstra
I mean, if he is really sad, he might not even notice?
Good point
Should I let him score extra goals then?
Barrett
Good idea
If he notices, you can say you have an off day or something?
Will do
Bood
What else can we do?
Haas
I can ask him for more tips?
Keep him busy
Bood
You always ask him for more tips(Face With Tears Of Joy )
Haas
Oh
I guess that’s true
Chouinard
I will make more jokes
Dude, you have the worst jokes
Chouinard
What?
Yeah, okay, I'm not even going to pretend
Might make him laugh though?
Barrett
The rest of us maybe just subtly ask him if he’s okay?
Spread it out a little, not everyone at the same time
Bood
Will do
Dykstra
(Thumbs Up Sign ≊ Thumbs Up)
Haas
(Thumbs Up Sign ≊ Thumbs Up)
Dillon
(Thumbs Up Sign ≊ Thumbs Up)

Roz

Guess who just found out why you were walking so weird at practice(Eyes )
…
Please don’t talk to me about this
You’ve done enough
No Hazy
It’s okay, was first time right?
…Yes
Second time will be better(Thumbs Up Sign ≊ Thumbs Up)
I don’t think there is going to be a second time
Why?
Because it obviously didn’t feel good!
That means you did it wrong!!!
How would you know?! You weren’t there!
Scratch that
How do you know so much about this?
Let me tell you a story of how a boy and a girl…
Oh no, forget I asked
But you wanted to know?
Yeah, I don’t think I want to anymore
And your better half gave Lisa advice already
So I don’t need to know!!
Your loss
Was a really good story
Yeah, I’ll take your word for it
Can I give you more advice?
No.
Maybe try to use lube next time, yes? (Winking Face )
This is all your fault
(Smiling Face With Horns )

Centaurs without Roz

Anyone else’s wife mad at them?
Dykstra
Yes!
Bood
Yeah
How did you know?
Chouinard
Been sleeping on the couch the past two nights
Safe to say she’s mad
Dykstra
Wait, did your wife tell you the problem?
Chouinard
Did she tell me?!
It went something like this:
NICKY WHY DON’T YOU LOVE ME ANYMORE
That sucks, man
But can we take a second for the fact your wife calls you ‘Nicky’(Face With Tears Of Joy )
Bood
Poor Nicky(Face With Tears Of Joy )
Dykstra
Nicky, are you okay?
Chouinard
I hate every single one of you
Can we please get back to the problem?
Dykstra
Can someone please tell me what the problem is?
Because Cait has been mad, but refuses to tell me why(Weary Face )
You know how all the WAG’s got those sweatshirts?
The ones with our names on them?
Dykstra
Yeah?
Bood
We weren’t enthusiastic enough when we saw them wearing those…
And at first there was no problem
Until…
Chouinard
Jane started talking in the group chat
About just HOW enthusiastic Roz reacted when he saw her with his name on her back
Bood
Extremely enthusiastic, I got told
Chouinard
Jumped her bones immediately
Dykstra
That’s what this is about?
Dillon
Don’t want to jump in here...
But what I’m gathering is that your wives wore those sweatshirts
Clearly wanting you to have sex with them
And all of you declined??
Dykstra
How can I decline when I didn’t even know that was going on?!
Dillon
Dude, she was wearing YOUR name on her back
Dykstra
Technically it’s her name too!
Dillon
Not the fucking point(Face With Tears Of Joy )
It was all fine until Roz just had to start being the perfect boyfriend
Chouinard
It’s his fault my back is hurting so bad
I need to get off this fucking couch
Bood
You’ll be okay Nicky!
Chouinard
(Reversed Hand With Middle Finger Extended ≊ Middle Finger)
Barrett
Harris and I already have a plan
I was waiting to share it with everyone, but now is as good a time as any I suppose
Please enlighten us Barrett
Chouinard
Anything to help me get back into bed(Weary Face )
Barrett
Well, since Roz apparently has more stamina when someone is wearing his name….
Don’t remind me, we already know too much about Roz’ sex life as is
Barrett
Harris got us all jerseys with Roz’ name on the back that we can wear during practice
To make sure he has more ‘stamina’
(Face With Tears Of Joy )
Bood
Barrett, tell your boyfriend I love him
This is gold(Face With Tears Of Joy )
Barrett
How do you know it wasn’t my idea?
Bood
…

Centaurs(Horse Face )(Growing Heart )

Bood
Roz, is it true?
Roz
I don’t know what you are talking about?
Oh, I think you do
Roz
Hmm, I don’t think I do
Bood
Oh, you’re being funny right now?
When I just found out you are dating a METROS FAN??
Roz
😊
Wait, is this because of the rivalry?
Roz
Rivalry is not only fun on ice
(Smirking Face )
Bood
Disgusting
I did not need to know that(Loudly Crying Face )
Dykstra
Cap, what the fuck?
Chouinard
A metros fan?? Really?
Dillon
There were no nice girls in Ottawa?
Boyle
How can you date the enemy?!
Barrett
What is wrong with dating a metros fan?
Of course you are okay with it, Barrett
We all remember the crush you had on Hollander
Barrett
What?
No!
Bood
So, you didn’t have a crush on Hollander?
Barrett
I mean, I just heard rumors he was gay…
So you obviously had a crush on the only gay dude you knew? (Face With Tears Of Joy )
Barrett
No!
I did not have a crush on Shane!
Bood
Oh he is Shane now?
Chouinard
Don’t know about you guys, but I saw Barrett watching Hollanders games all the time
Dykstra
Right?
I’m glad we don’t have to pretend that never happened anymore
Dillon
Wait, I thought Haasy was the only one with a crush on Hollander?
Well, him too
Bood
But definitely Barrett as well
Haas
I do not have a crush on Hollander!
I just respect him as a hockey player, that is completely different!
Dykstra
Like you respect Roz as a hockey player with a poster over your bed?
Haas
Can we go back to talking about Barrett?
Barrett
Luca?
Haas
Sorry
Roz
Barrett, you had a crush on Shane?
Would never have worked, you are not his type
Barrett
I could be!
Roz
Eh no, you couldn’t
Bood
(Face With Tears Of Joy )
(Face With Tears Of Joy )
Dykstra
(Face With Tears Of Joy )

Centaurs(Horse Face )(Growing Heart )

Roz, where did you go?
Bood
Barely took a shower, ran out so fast
Roz
Had a better place to go 😉
Fuck
Should have known…
Dykstra
Don’t act like you didn’t see the scratches on his back
And you still wondered where he ran off to?
For once I was hoping for a PG reason…
Haas
Maybe cap has a cat?
See!
Very plausible reason, thank you Haasy
Chouinard
Have you ever seen a cat do that much damage?
No…
Chouinard
Then it might not be a very plausible reason(Face With Tears Of Joy )
Dykstra
Can I just add that I know way more about cap’s sex life than I ever wanted to know?
Way too much
Bood
Jane is a total freak too
Right?
What the fuck is up with that?
Dillon
The way cap kept showing off those scratches doesn’t seem like he minds that
Dykstra
Ew
Chouinard
Literally why would you say that??
Dillon
We were all thinking it…
I wasn’t?
Barrett
Why are we talking about this?
Good question
Barrett
Hazy you started the conversation
Bad move on my part
I admit
Bood
(Face With Tears Of Joy )
You’re lucky Roz is not here
Dykstra
Why?
Roz
I am back everyone!
Sorry, was very busy(Smiling Face With Horns )
Bood
That’s why…
Roz
Ah, Luca was right!
Dykstra
About what?
Roz
It was a cat that made the scratches
I’m really fucking confused right now
Roz
Jane is a very angry kitten(Smirking Face )
NO
Dykstra
Oh God no
Bood
Haasy, cover your eyes!!!
Roz
Yes, Luca you should leave
Don’t want to hear about your dads sex life 😉
Haas
I'm not your son?
Roz
Not yet
Me and Jane will adopt you😊
Chouinard
Haasy is not the only one who doesn’t want to hear about it
Roz
But you were talking about me?
Sounds like you want to know what I was busy with
Please no
Roz
Bood, you were right too
Bood
What was I right about?
Why would you ask him a fucking question right now?!
Bood
Shit
Forget I asked Roz, it’s all good
Roz
You want to know, I will tell you
Bood
I don’t want to know anymore
Roz
I will still tell you
Jane is very freaky
Will leave many scratches
And bite marks
Likes to pull my hair(Smirking Face )
Barrett
Roz, are you sure Jane wants you to tell us this?
Roz
If Jane can tell the WAG’s, I will tell you
WE DON’T WANT TO KNOW
Roz
I think you do
I definitely don’t
Roz
You could learn something?
Your wives are very bored in bed
Bood
Where the fuck did you hear that?
Roz
Ah, so it’s true!
Dykstra
It’s not!
Lisa is not bored!
Roz
Oh yes Hazy, I know how ‘fun’ your sex is
Fuck off
Bood
What is he talking about Hazy??
None of your fucking business
Focus on your own boring sex life apparently
Bood
My sex life is not boring!
Roz
That’s not what your wife says(Eyes )
Bood
Why are you talking to Cass?
Roz
No not me
Jane is not the only one talking about her sex life
Difference is Jane has extremely good sex(Smirking Face )
But you have boring sex(Crying Face )
Bood
I don’t have boring sex!
Roz
Is okay, I will teach you
Will also teach Dykstra, Chouinard and Hazy
Barrett is good
Barrett
Thanks Roz
Roz
Good job Barrett
Your boyfriend is very pleased(Thumbs Up Sign ≊ Thumbs Up)
Barrett
😊
Barrett, why are you entertaining this??
Dykstra
Yeah, can we stop this?
Cait and I have very good sex, thank you very much
Chouinard
Same here
Don’t need your tips, cap
Neither do I
Roz
But my tips were very helpful for you, Hazy?
Dykstra
What?
Bood
What the fuck is he talking about?
Chouinard
Hazy?
Fuck off
And I'm leaving
I know far more about everyone’s sex life than I ever needed to...
Roz
Text me if you need more tips 😉
Bood, Dykstra, Chouinard
You too 😉
Dykstra
Fuck you
Bood
Fuck you
Chouinard
Fuck you
Roz
No, I will only fuck Jane(Smiling Face With Horns )
STOP

Roz

It pains me to do this
But Lisa said I had to
Thank you
For what?
You know
Ah, I don’t think I do?
You know
What we were talking about a while ago?
First time didn’t go so well…?
Oh that
You’re welcome
That’s it?
What
You want more tips?
No!
Well, maybe
But I thought you would make fun of me
I would never do this!
Yeah
Sure
Can you please make fun of me this is weird
I can’t
Why not?
I promised
Who?
Jane
Was very convincing
What do you mean?
We had a very good call(Smirking Face )
She put her glasses on
You promised not to make fun of me in exchange for PHONE SEX?
And a very good blowjob when we see each other 😊
And why the glasses?
Wait, don’t tell me
I don’t want to know
Makes her look like naughty secretary(Smiling Face With Horns )
EW
I really didn’t need to know this
If this was supposed to be for my benefit, it didn’t work
This is even worse(Pouting Face )
Tell that to Jane

Centaurs without Roz

So if Jane is Shane
That means freaky Jane is FREAKY SHANE
Bood
Why would you say this?!
Dykstra
This is too much(Loudly Crying Face )
Chouinard
Two days ago we knew Hollander as the golden boy of the league
Now we also know him as the guy who likes to scratch cap’s back open
Barrett
Maybe we shouldn’t speculate about their private life?
It’s not speculating if Roz literally told us
OH NO
Bood
What?
This means he called Hollander an ‘angry kitten’(Loudly Crying Face )
Dykstra
At least they’re in love, I guess
Dillon
I guess?
It was so obvious I don’t know how we didn’t see it before
Bood
Roz had those disgusting love eyes
He wasn’t the only one
Did you see Hollander looking at him?
You’d think he hung the fucking moon or something
Haas
I thought it was very sweet 😊
Bood
Haasy, you must be freaking out right now
The two guys you have a crush on in a relationship together?!
Haas
I do not have a crush on them!
I am just very happy for them
Bood
Sure, buddy!
Dykstra
We totally believe you!
Haas
(Pouting Face )

Centaurs(Horse Face )(Growing Heart )

Roz added Shane to the conversation
Bood
??
What does this mean?
Dykstra
Please explain?
Chouinard
What the fuck?
Shane
Surprise?
Roz
Guess who is joining us next season 😉
Chouinard
WHAT
HOLY FUCK
Bood
ARE YOU SERIOUS
Dillon
YOU BETTER BE FUCKING SERIOUS
Barrett
It worked?!?!
Haas
Shane Hollander??
Roz
Ding ding ding
You are correct, Luca!
My very beautiful fiancé will join the Centaurs!!
Shane
Hi everyone
Holy fuck
Young
Fuck yes!
We’re finally going to win some games!
Roz
I already help winning games??
Young
Well yeah…
But with Hollander we’ll win all of them!
Bood
Well said, Young
Holmberg
Someone pinch me
LaPointe
Am I dreaming?
Roz
Holmberg, LaPointe, pinch each other
This is very real
Haas
I can’t wait to play with you, Hollander!
Shane
Thank you Luca
And call me Shane, we’re teammates now
Haas
😊
Roz
Or you can call him Dad
Shane
??
Roz
We’re his parents
Shane
No, we’re not?
Roz
Yet
We will adopt him!
Shane
I don’t think that’s possible?
Haas
It’s okay Shane, he’s just joking 😊
Roz
No I’m not
And stay out of this Luca, this is between your parents
Haas
You’re not my Dads!
Roz
Not YET
Shane
Ilya, leave the poor kid alone
Roz
Or else?
Shane
You know what else
Roz
Fine
Shane
Apologize
Roz
I did not do anything wrong!
Shane
Ilya…
Roz
Fine
Sorry Luca
Haas
It’s okay 😊
Dillon
Well, this answers the question(Face With Tears Of Joy )
Roz
What question?
Bood
Who wears the pants in the relationship
Roz
What is that?
Dykstra
You don’t need to worry about it Roz(Face With Tears Of Joy )
Since you’re not the one wearing the pants(Face With Tears Of Joy )
Roz
Shane, what does this mean?
Shane
Dykstra is right, you don’t need to worry about it
Roz
Tell me?
Pleaseee
Shane
No
Roz
You are mean
Shane
You like it
Roz
I do(Smiling Face With Horns )
Barrett
Guys
Maybe leave the sex talk out of this group?
Shane
Fuck
Sorry
Roz
Thank you Barrett
Barrett
For what?
Roz
Making my fiancé blush
Is very sexy(Smirking Face )
Are you two next to each other right now??
Shane
Yeah, I had to be in Ottawa to sign the contract
Then why are you having this conversation in the groupchat??
Shane
Oh sorry
Roz
Because Shane is very good at sexting(Smiling Face With Horns )
Bood
Yeah, we know….
Unfortunately
Shane
What?
Dykstra
Trust me, we know way too much about your relationship
Roz
Traitors!!
Why would you say this?
Now Shane is hitting me!!
Bood
Good
Chouinard
Hit him harder, Hollander
Hit him for us!!
Dillon
Go Hollzy!!
Maybe these two on the same team is not going to be so bad(Face With Tears Of Joy )
Bood
Dude, you are just now realizing that?
Dykstra
Really, Hazy??
Chouinard
We’re going to win the fucking CUP
Dillon
HELL YES
Bood
We WILL be taking it home next season
Holy fuck
Hell yeah we will!
Barrett
We couldn’t be more thrilled to have you, Shane!
Second this!!
Bood
Third!
Haas
Fourth😊
Dykstra
Fifth!
Chouinard
Sixth
Boyle
Seventh
Young
Eighth!!!!
Holmberg
Ninth
We’re getting a cup baby!!!
LaPointe
TENTH
Dillon
Glad to have you Shane!
Shane
Thanks everyone!
Can't wait to really make this a winning team(Smirking Face )
Roz
My arm hurts…(Crying Face )

End Notes

Come talk to me on threads: @evawritess_ 🙌🏼