Rating:

Teen And Up Audiences

Archive Warning:

No Archive Warnings Apply

Category:

M/M

Fandom:

Heated Rivalry (TV)

Relationships:

Shane Hollander & Hayden Pike, Jean-Jacques Boiziau | J. J. Dagenais & Shane Hollander, Shane Hollander/Ilya Rozanov, Shane Hollander & Montreal Voyageurs | Montreal Metros Team Ensemble

Characters:

Jean-Jacques Boiziau | J. J. Dagenais, Shane Hollander, Montreal Voyageurs | Montreal Metros Team Ensemble (Game Changers), Hayden Pike

Additional Tags:

Alternate Universe, Montreal Voyageurs | Montreal Metros NOT being Assholes, TV canon with some book references, Confused Straight Guys, Out of Character, For a good reason though!, Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, Personal Growth, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Implied Sexual Content, theyre jocks they love talking about sex, Montreal, It's as in-character as I can make it, for the premise, i do know hockey btw this is a bit of a wishful thinking thing but. more realistic than game changers imo, sorry rachel, The Hollanov comes later, Good Friend Jean-Jacques Boiziau | J. J. Dagenais, Good Friend Hayden Pike, They are trying, They Are Trying So Hard., My First Work in This Fandom, Post-Episode: s01e06 The Cottage (Heated Rivalry), POV Jean-Jacques Boiziau, Justice for JJ, no beta we die like ilya's dad

Language:

English

Stats:

Published: 2026-03-03 Updated: 2026-03-23 Words: 10,891 Chapters: 5/?

they've got the spirit (but they're a little confused)

Summary

"Dude," Steddy skated up to him, "if we really have a gay teammate, which, given what you and Pikey have been up to, is likely, they probably don't trust us for shit."
"Yeah," his fellow D, Gagny, piped up, "that's gotta impact play."
"We have got to get our shit together if we want another cup," Steddy continued.
"Gentlemen, gentlemen, don't you worry, I have a plan."
"This is why you are the best, JJ."

what if the metros were a bunch of confused straight dudes trying to support the mysterious gay teammate they suspect exists on their team? what if jean-jacques boiziau was leading the charge? cue hijinks, farm team call-ups, bisexual awakenings, coming out, and bear nights.

Notes

i would like to state: you MAY translate, remix, podfic and do basically anything you would like with my fics that is in some form transformative (though i would like to see it if you do!). you MAY NOT feed my fics to AI, post on another site without my permission (linking is fine) or use my fics to promote a business. i write for my own enjoyment and to find community, i am not a professional and am doing this for fun.

to the people who know me from other fandoms: i'm sorry, i got my start in gay hockey, so in gay hockey i shall remain.
I was chatting with some new friends I made in the fandom, which is a lot of fun! But we were talking about Montreal, and how perhaps the books don't accurately represent the general vibes of many French-Canadians, nor many athletes, particularly Canadian ones, so I wanted to write something that was more accurate to how we felt a hockey team in Montreal would be. I can write a whole essay on bigotry in this kind of space, but I only have so much room in these notes lol. Without further ado, here are the guys on the team. I don't know everyone's positions yet, but here's what I've workshopped so far.

Coach: Jean-François Theriault (CAN)
1-Sorren "Mitty" Miitka (FIN) (Starter Goalie)
7-Stéphane "Berker" Berkes (CAN)
11-Alexander "Schneids" Schneider (GER)
14-Isak "Steddy" Stedlund (SWE)
16-Jean-Jaques "JJ/Boizy" Boiziau (CAN) (Defense)
20-Jacob "Wils" Wilson (USA)
22-Mathieu "Gagny" Gagnon (CAN) (Defense)
24-Shane "Holly/Hollzy" Hollander (CAN) (Center)
26-Gustaf Olsson (SWE)
28-Vincent "Nausy" Renaud (CAN) (Goalie)
35-Hayden "Pikey/Piker" Pike (CAN) (Left Wing)
41-Lucas "Lainer" Laine (USA)
43-Gilbert "Comy" Comeau (CAN)
45-Michael "Taytay" Taylor (CAN)
49-Denis "Andy" Andropov (RUS)
71-Timothy "Kochy" Koch (USA)
87-Jackson Roy (USA) (Defense)
88-Julien "Couilles" Couillard (CAN)
91-Patrice "Drapey/Pat" Drapeau (USA) (Goalie)

There are three guys who I haven't named yet, sorry about that :/

UPDATED MAY 25TH 2026: somehow managed to come up with a replacement for the AHL but still call it the NHL. go me. fixed that. changed some other wording, shouldn't change the story at all, just make it more period-accurate

Chapter 1

Chapter Notes

before anyone gets concerned: i use team names that vary between the book and the show bc of the jokes i want to make, not bc im using a glorified autocomplete that can't tell it's head from its ass, i think that ruins my fun.
enjoy :)

"Now, when are you faggots going to go to the bar?!" Comy yelled.

JJ frowned at that. The language in this locker room… At least Hollzy had stopped most of the racist shit. His teammates weren't, like, explicitly racist, but they'd say shit they didn't think about the implications over. And of course, JJ couldn't say anything about the anti-gay shit, because then he'd be the sensitive black guy who couldn't take a joke and got angry at everything, and it was just-

"Dude, you can't be saying that, it's fucking rude!" Berker yelled.

"I'd never say it to someone's face if they were actually gay, would I? That'd be fucked."

"Statistically," Hayden piped up from where he and Hollzy were making weird best friend eye contact, "it's extremely likely there is at least one gay person in this locker room, more likely two."

The locker room exploded.

"Dude, what?!"

"Like, 10% of the population is gay, that's 1 in ten people. There's 22 of us."

"Woah, you're right," Drapey breathed, but Hayden was busy ushering Hollzy out of the room.

"Looks like Hollzy's having a hockey moment, boys!" Steddy announced

JJ chucked his (largely empty) water bottle at him, "leave the guy alone!"

"Not criticizing him, just suggesting maybe we should take it down a notch, for Hollzy's sake."

A group of guys had splintered off, the ones who were the most weird about gay shit, and were whispering amongst one another.

"Oh boy," Couilles whispered to him.

Hayden had come back, sans Hollzy, "Holly's got something with coach, he'll be right back."

"It's okay for him to have a hockey moment, man, no need to cover for him."

"He's not," Hayden crossed his arms, pointing at the guys in the corner, which included Lainer, Kochy, Taytay, and Wils, "what are you fucks talking about?"

"We'll get back to you on that."

"You've got until next practice."

"I think there's a gay guy on the team," Hayden said.

"What?"

"The way Shane reacted when they started saying that shit, like he knew there was someone in that locker room being bothered."

"Ah, shit. We really have to be on this, then."

"And of course, Shane probably can't get a handle on this, because his no racism thing was already bad enough for him."

"I've got a plan, Pikey, don't worry."

"Now what are you thinking?"

"I'm waiting for my answer," Hayden said, arms crossed, glaring at l'équipe homophobe.

"Well, we were thinking," Kochy started, "if there's really a gay guy on the team, and we haven't been bothered by him-"

"Maybe because you are too ugly!" Andy yelled, earning a water bottle to the head.

"Then maybe… it's not so bad to have a gay guy?"

"Why, you had a problem with it?!"

"It's not like that!" Wils jumped in, "we're all okay with them, like, existing, just not near us, y'know?"

"I don't," JJ, spurred on by his teammates' weird support, crossed his arms.

"Anyway, we realized, hey, it's not gonna be too bad, we were worried about nothing."

"You know, I read that's a really harmful stereotype based on how straight men treat women."

The locker room booed over that, Hayden getting pelted with water bottles.

"You know I'm right!"

"Dude," Steddy skated up to him, "if we really have a gay teammate, which, given what you and Pikey have been up to, is likely, they probably don't trust us for shit."

"Yeah," his fellow D, Gagny, piped up, "that's gotta impact play."

"We have got to get our shit together if we want another cup," Steddy continued.

"Gentlemen, gentlemen, don't you worry, I have a plan."

"This is why you are the best, JJ."

After practice, JJ smacked his hand against the side of his cubby, grabbing the room's attention.

"Listen up guys, we've likely got someone who's gay on the team," he yelled, "and if we want to win another cup, it's our job to make him feel included!"

"I think it's Berker!"

"I'm not gay, I just grew up in Montréal!"

"I think it's-"

"No speculating on who it is, or you're getting the fine jar," JJ clapped his hands, trying to gain control back, "we're trying to make him feel included and shit, not make it worse!"

"Sorry Boizy."

"So, to make le mystérieux coéquipier gay, feel better, we've gotta, y'know, connect with the culture."

"Connect with the culture?!" Olsson yelled, "What kind of lame shit is that?!"

"We're gonna show him we're okay with him being gay, alright?! And other gay people, too!"

"I'm not downloading Grindr!" Taytay butted in.

"Nobody said anything about downloading Grindr, why is that your first thought?!" Schneids yelled back, "is it because you already have it?!"

"JJ said no speculation on MCG!" A water bottle whipped Schneids in the back, making him yelp. The locker room descended into a mess of water bottles sailing at Schneids and yelling about fines.

"MCG?"

"Le mystérieux coéquipier gay is a mouthful, we gotta shorten it!"

"Gentlemen! Okay! We are being way too loud here! Don't make cap get out the chicken!"

The locker room got even worse at that.

The chicken was a beat-up wad of rubber and dirt that ostensibly used to be a rubber chicken. It predated even Theriault, and Roy was threatening to use the fine jar funds to have it carbon dated. It was disgusting, and everyone hated it, but when the team got too rowdy, the chicken got paraded out to bring order. Kind of like a talking toy in maternelle, but he'd most certainly get the Schneider treatment if he said anything.

Hollzy had tried to implement something new this year, a little stuffed loon that made him giggle for some reason, but the boys wouldn't have it. They'd have the chicken or they'd have nothing.

"You can't bring out the chicken, this isn't even about hockey!"

"Team synergy is all about hockey!" Hayden yelled. He fist-bumped him.

"If you motherfuckers don't shut the fuck up now well really be in it from the front desk, you know how they get when we-"

Hollzy took that as his cue, digging the chicken out of the back of his cubby.

"Holly, no, please, we'll be good, don't do this to us."

Everyone howled, trying to get out their last thoughts before the law of the chicken started to reign.

"CHICKEN OUT!" Hollzy barked, waiting for the room to fall silent, "I propose an amendment to the fine jar rules. Homophobic slurs and speculating on our teammates'sexualities are each worth a 20 in the jar."

A 20?! That was their highest fine. Damn, Cap meant business.

Under chicken rules, everyone was allowed to hit their cubby five times at the end of a statement, usually in agreement.

The team made their five hits. JJ nodded in approval.

"That's all I have to say," he passed the chicken to Hayden. Chicken rules were that the C got the chicken first, then the A, then the one who called for the chicken.

"I've got nothing to say, I'm passing it to JJ, since he called the chicken."

JJ took the chicken reluctantly. He wanted to speak, but not with that thing in his hands, "alright, we've all agreed we're gonna do shit to make our teammate feel more like he's part of the team, but this is something of a democracy."

"Bullshit! Mitty yelled before the bottles came. No one broke chicken rules.

"This is something of a democracy, so, I open the floor to you, gentlemen, for ideas on what we should do."

And then he passed the chicken to Wils.

"I know nothing about gay shit," he passed it to Gagny.

"Am I wrong in thinking there are gay bars? Like ones specifically for gay people?"

The locker room erupted in hits.

Hollzy didn't say anything when Gagny passed on the chicken, since he'd already started with his piece, passing it to Hayden.

Hayden passed it wordlessly to Olsson, who was practically chomping at the bit.

"Mathieu Gagnon you absolute genius," Olsson crowed.

The room roared with approval, chicken rules temporarily forgotten.

Olsson passed the chicken to Nausy, "I think, hommes, it won't be a big ask for you dumb fucks to have an excuse to get drunk, gay men or no."

"AND WOMEN!" Comy yelled, earning him a minor bottling.

Lainer got the chicken next, once the bottling died down, "have you heard about gay bars? Apparently they make that shit strong. You'll be drinking what tastes like a soda, and the next thing you know you're swinging from the ceiling belting out some Lady Gaga."

The boys tapped their approval.

Taytay, Comy and one of their newer trades JJ still hadn't gotten his head around the name of, didn't say anything, passing it wordlessly to Andy.

"I ah-" Andy's Russian accent got worse when he was nervous, "is-"

He stared at Hollzy, panicked, who took the chicken from him in a breach of conduct, earning him some bottles, which he took like a champ.

"Andropov can be involved as much as he is comfortable with," he said, "Even supporting gay people can get you in trouble in Russia."

"Oh shit."

"Yeah, sorry Andy."

Hollzy handed the chicken back to Andy, nodding.

"I want to be involved, but not in public. I cannot in public."

"You'll be there in spirit!" Berker yelled, and his statement was approved so much he only got one bottle from Hayden.

Andy practically threw the chicken at Kochy. "We'll drink for you, bro, don't worry about it."

The rest of the circle went around with little fanfare, most of the guys not saying anything, or saying how much they'd like to try 'strong gay drinks'.

Mitty made an interesting point, after Couilles passed the chicken to him.

"You know, with all of us in the bar together, mysterious gay teammate can check out men without looking gay. We cannot all be gay, yeah?"

Mitty was a smart guy, especially for someone who got pucks flung at his face professionally.

The rest of them passed without issue, the chicken making it back to Holly eventually, who passed it to Hayden.

"You've taken the job here, JJ, you run this."

"You honour me, Pikey. We will now vote. Who is in favour of going to a gay bar?!"

Resounding ayes went around.

"Who votes against?"

Predictably, Hollzy, Andy, Kochy and Drapey raised their hands.

"They're boring, of course they'll say no, Andy excepted. When are we all free to get fucked up?"

Their first outing was a resounding failure.

"Every woman in that bar, unless otherwise stated, does not swing our way! And you!" He pointed to a smashed Comy, "Is that how you treat women normally?!"

Comy looked embarrassed to be put on the spot, "I should probably say non."

"Would that be a lie?"

"...Oui."

"You misogynistic- not cool, not cool!"

The rest of the boys joined in on chanting not cool.

Kochy raised a finger, "I don't know why it's a problem, I mean-"

"You don't-" he held his hand out, "Gagny!"

Gagny's head popped up from where he was holding Berker's flow back while he puked in a trash can.

"Phone me!"

"You gave me your phone for a reason, Boizy."

"I need to call Piker!"

"As long as you don't go for your car," Gagny handed him his phone.

"You guys are lucky I'm not calling Hollzy," he poked around his phone for Hayden's contact. Those drinks were strong, and he was struggling to hit the buttons on his phone, with how much the world was spinning.

He got it eventually, putting him on speaker while the phone rang.

"Piker, you're on speaker, homme."

"You had better make this quick, I just got Arthur down."

"Some of these assholes don't understand how best to treat the ladies, and got us kicked out of the bar!"

"Guys, come on, you're better than this."

The boys looked shamefaced as Hayden gave them the quietest dressing-down of their lives.

"I hear about you guys doing this shit again, and I'm telling Holly."

"Please don't tell Holly," Taytay begged, "I promise it won't happen again, but please don't tell Holly."

"Make sure it doesn't happen again. At any bar. Gay or not."

Hollzy looked positively gleeful at their faces the next morning. Granted, for Hollzy, that was a slight quirk of an eyebrow and a bit of a shoulder wiggle.

"Yes, yes, captaine, laugh at us."

"I didn't say anything!" He raised his hands.

"You were thinking it."

"If someone pukes on the ice, you're personally cleaning it up! Let's get it started!"

"Alright boys," JJ brought the Metros outside the bar in for a huddle like they were playing American football, "we need to talk."

"Is this about last time?"

"It's about last time," Hayden said, crossing his arms.

"We are going to go in there, we are going to get hammered, and we are not going to do anything to the women. Every woman is a lesbian until you are explicitly told otherwise. Comy, no talking about lesbian porn."

"I said I was sorry!"

"If I hear about any of you treating anyone here with anything less than respect, I am going to throw my drink at you, and then me and Gagny are going to haul you out ourselves, are we clear?"

The boys nodded.

"Alright, break!"

JJ was getting flirted with, a lot.

"This is very flattering," he told Gagny in French, "I'm straight as an arrow, as they say in English, but any attention is flattering, especially when they're so polite about it. I should be taking notes."

"Poor Piker, they keep thinking he's gay. I've never seen him so flustered in his life."

"He has the look, doesn't he?"

"That is stereotype and you know it!" Hayden howled back in French. His French wasn't that good, but he had a special ear for when someone was insulting him.

"I think he protests too much," Gagny whispered, making JJ giggle.

"That's leaning into speculation territory, you can get fined for that," he pulled out his phone, "I'm definitely telling Andy about this."

He took a video of the aftermath of yet another guy approaching Hayden, intending to send it to Andy, who wanted to live vicariously through them.

A thought struck him, a stupid, drunk, but utterly hilarious thought.

He switched to English, "Hey, Piker! Does le captaine have a snapchat?"

"He never uses it, but yeah, do you want it?"

"Yes please," he made grabby hands at Hayden's phone.

"Ugh, okay, fine, fine," Hayden slid it across the table.

JJ whooped in triumph, inputting Hayden's password. It was Jackie's birthday, easy.

He went over to snapchat.

"Boizy," Gagny whispered, switching back to French, "what are you doing?"

"Sending the Piker photos to Jackie."

"JJ, I don't know if it's a good plan to be sending a woman photos of her husband being-"

"Jackie's gonna find it hilarious, I just know it."

Chapter End Notes

"mistakes" involving translations are intentional, while i don't speak french specifically i run everything involving french by the franco from montreal who lives in my puter, and i live in ottawa
i would appreciate hearing about typos and formatting errors, amd things i could change to improve readability!

Chapter 2

Chapter Summary

The boys attempt to reach out to Scott Hunter, and learn that actions have consequences. JJ makes a new friend.

Chapter Notes

Lineup!
Coach: Jean-François Theriault (CAN)
1-Soren "Mitty" Miitka (FIN) (Starter Goalie)
7-Stéphane "Berker" Berkes (CAN)
11-Alexander "Schneids" Schneider (GER)
14-Isak "Steddy" Stedlund (SWE)
16-Jean-Jaques "JJ/Boizy" Boiziau (CAN) (Defense)
18-Miller (USA)
20-Jacob "Wils" Wilson (USA)
22-Mathieu "Gagny" Gagnon (CAN) (Defense)
24-Shane "Holly/Hollzy" Hollander (CAN) (Center)
26-Gustaf Olsson (SWE)
28-Vincent "Nausy" Renaud (CAN) (Goalie)
35-Hayden "Pikey/Piker" Pike (CAN) (Left Wing)
41-Lucas "Lainer" Laine (USA)
43-Gilbert "Comy" Comeau (CAN)
45-Michael "Taytay" Taylor (CAN)
49-Denis "Andy" Andropov (RUS)
71-Timothy "Kochy" Koch (USA)
87-Jackson Roy (USA) (Defense)
88-Julien "Couilles" Couillard (CAN)
91-Patrice "Drapey/Pat" Drapeau (USA) (Goalie)

Two more unnamed guys! We'll get on that soon!

He woke up horribly hung over, but comfortably in his bed, with a deep sense of regret.

He checked his phone. 15 snaps from Jackie Pike.

What the fuck did he do?

He shot up in bed, checking over his notifications. Nothing from anyone important, and he had a rule to not check his phone any further until after he'd eaten breakfast.

His eggs and toast sat heavily in his stomach as he opened his phone, remembering what he did the last night. He could've ruined his teammate's marriage if Jackie had taken it the wrong way. And it looks like she did, if the amount of snaps she sent were any indication.

He tapped through them, fiddling with his hair.

The first thing he learned was that Jackie had been out with friends last night. He had kind of gathered, Hayden tended to not go out alone unless Jackie was also out, not while they were in Montréal.

The second thing he learned was that Jackie had liked the photo.

he's so cuteeeeeee the first snap had said, a blurry picture of three women all gathered around the phone in selfie mode.

i love how red he gets when someone flirts with him, said the next one. A bit less tame than before, but nothing too bad.

And then it got worse.

By the fifth snap, JJ had begun to know way too much about his teammate's sex life and his wife's desire for threesomes with Ilya Rozanov of all people, so he elected to tap through the rest as quick as possible.

Laughing to himself, he put his phone down, heading off to shower.

+1 (514) 000-0000

hi jj this is jackie, hayden's wife
please do not open any of the snaps i sent you
i'm so sorry

Too late

i was so drunk i'm so sorry

I was too
This conversation will look so bad
It sounds like we are cheating
Not you being overly enthusiastic about pictures of your husband

ugh im too hung over to think about it

Eggs and advil, work like magic
But really, I do not want to know what you and Pike get up to
Not my business

hayd's gonna kill me

He will see the humour in it
Eventually.

ugh
can you send me the rest of the photos please?

After Hayden had threatened him within an inch of his life over snapping Jackie photos of him being dumb, JJ was back to his quest. His gay ally quest.

Hollzy groaned, "Don't call it that, JJ."

"Do you have a better name for it?"

He sighed.

"Then you can't complain."

He was talking to Hollzy because Hollzy, like the insane captain he was, kept a list of appropriate team bonding activities. JJ wanted to ask him for it, so he could adapt them for his project. He'd said no, because apparently he didn't want it falling into the hands of the enemy, but he offered to use it to help him.

"Movie nights tend to go off well," Hollzy clicked on something on his laptop, "They're private enough that everyone can come, but not too boring."

Hayden walked in, peeking over Shane's shoulder, "does that have a numerical rating system?"

And then it devolved into a chirp-fest.

JJ elbowed Hollzy, who was engrossed in a hockey game. Bears vs Admirals. At least he was in the spirit, with the Admirals' captain and all. A thought was nagging at him.

"I don't know about this, JJ, it feels offensive," Comy said after the first hour.

"Yeah, kinda," Taytay winced when Tom Hanks said something else stupid.

"I think you should turn to internet or something, JJ, is bad," Andy complained.

r/advice
We found out that one of our coworkers might be gay, how do we make him feel included without him outing himself
u/805463716

I work in a tight-knit group in a homophobic industry. This summer, our manager kinda hinted we should crack down on our homophobic language because one of our colleagues is gay. We agreed we won't try to guess who it is, so to make him feel included, and also not make him out himself, since we determined our colleagues can't think we're all gay, we're going to do gay things together. We tried going out to gay bars, but not all of us like clubbing and one of our colleagues could get into a lot of trouble if his family hears about him supporting gay people. We tried a movie night, but the movie we selected was bad, and we just ended up watching an Admirals game, since they have a gay captain and we all like hockey.

Anything we can do better?

     u/potentiallyABBA
     Not what he meant.

"Watching drag TV shows? There's a really famous one, Rupaul's Drag Race, or something?" Taytay suggested.

"I was reading up on her, actually," Kochy piped up, "she kind of seems like bad news. Like, uses her money to hurt people kind of bad news."

"We'll wait on the drag race until we get more information," JJ hadn't been a captain since he was a teenager, but this was bringing him back. Well, instead of setting up plays on the ice, he was organizing a locker room cultural revolution, "Gagny, ideas, homme."

"We ask Scott Hunter."

JJ could've kissed him, "Gagny, this is why you're my D-partner, you know what? Give me your cheek."

He laid a sloppy kiss on Gagny's cheek, who only sighed.

"We play New York next week, we'll ask him then."

"So, volunteers for who wants to ask Hunter about locker room culture."

"Alright, Taytay, you're out, you've got an obvious man-crush on him, Kochy, you can barely tell your head from your ass when you put those skates on, no offense, Mitty, you'll be in the crease, Comy seems like our best option."

"I'll do us proud, boys!"

"You've got this, Comy, just skate up to him when the play stops."

"I can do this."

"You can do this."

"Oh!" JJ winced as Comy was laid out by a haymaker from Vaughan.

"Now what was that for?!"

"They're probably a bit protective of their captain, after all that has happened."

"So we can't approach Hunter. Gagny, ideas?"

"The boyfriend?"

"The boyfriend, we'll approach him at that bar, the Kingfisher, right?"

"The Kingfisher, yeah," Drapey's already got his phone out, tapping at it with gusto, lucky bastard was a goalie and got to browse tinder whenever he wasn't on ice, "closes at 2:00, apparently he sometimes meets fans there after games."

"We'll ask him then."

They looked back at Coach warily. He hadn't said anything when they were doing their homophobic shit, but he didn't say anything to them about Hunter other than to play a clean game. Hollzy was bouncing off the walls, like he always did on roadies where they played Boston, and would be worthless at redirecting Coach if he was mad.

Given the set of his jaw when he jumped on for his last shift, he was mad at Comy for provoking. Speaking of, the boys were still trying to figure out what got the Admirals so riled up about Comy specifically.

"I think they don't want anyone approaching their captain individually," Roy suggested.

"They let Hollzy do it," Couilles shot back.

"Hollzy and Hunter play at the All-Stars all the time, Hunter's probably called off his dogs on his buddy."

Discussion was tabled for cellying after Hollzy's buzzer-beater.

JJ had elected to take the night off to regroup, gather his thoughts.

He was brainstorming with the whiteboard Hollzy had given him after the game.

Hollzy seemed a little miffed, but maybe he was just tense. Sexually tense. He pretended, but everyone knew he had a regular lay in Boston.

JJ originally thought it was more like a long-distance girlfriend, but Hollzy's response to questioning made it seem more like a super fucked-up friends with benefits situation, which, ouch, Hollzy deserved better than that.

He digressed! He was scribbling down ideas, he read somewhere there were pride hockey leagues, when his phone nearly rocketed itself off the nightstand of his hotel.

It was Gagny.

"Hello?"

"Boizy, they were waiting for us."

"Who?"

"The Admirals, we didn't even cross the threshold before they fucking attacked us."

"At least you know you're in the right place."

"Olsson's got a black eye, Wils is soaking his tooth in bodega milk, Berker's probably got a concussion, oh, Calisse, Hollzy's gonna kill us."

"We are so fucked."

"We'll probably have to tell Coach why we have three guys on IR."

"Fuck me, was Piker at least with you?"

"No, he's with Hollzy, remember?"

So they didn't have Hayden to smooth things over either.

They were so fucked.

JJ's breath caught in his throat when a knock came against his door. Hollzy had a really soft, nervous way he knocked.

"Hollander?"

"Hayden's on the phone with Jackie, and it's getting a little too-"

"Say no more, Captaine," JJ scrambled off the bed, thankful Gagny had just hung up after they organized the fleet of ubers back to their hotel. He didn't want to deal with angry Hollzy tonight.

Hollzy came in, sheepish, dressed in his classic t-shirt and shorts combo, before sitting awkwardly in the cuck chair, as the rooks had so affectionately dubbed it, that seemed present in every hotel room.

"I can't believe Comy got himself punched," Hollzy groaned, tapping away at his phone, "I mean, I can, the guy's always been running his mouth, but he didn't even say anything!"

"Exactly! It is so strange!"

They talked about the Detroit versus Florida game that happened that afternoon, and were in the middle of discussing whether they thought Florida's starter goalie would be back on ice by the time they got down there when Hollzy's phone buzzed. And didn't stop.

"It's PR, I gotta take this."

JJ felt the blood leave his face.

"I'll forgive you for this, JJ," Hollzy looked livid, absolutely fuming. He only had a single vein in his neck bulging, but his tone became very measured like he was struggling to enunciate in his rage.

"Thank you Hollzy, I can't-"

"As long as you're the one who goes and interrupts Hayden in the middle of phone sex to tell him what happened."

"Hollzy, Shane, please."

"Do it." Hollzy ground out.

For the sake of avoiding bag skates, which he knew Hollzy would convince Theriault to do, he hustled.

"Theriault wants your head on a pike, JJ," Hollzy knocked on Theriault's door.

"Fuuuuuck."

"And I'm tempted to let him do it, so explain to us why we're in Theriault's room at 10:00 at night calling up guys from the NALH."

"Come in," Theriault said, voice measured.

Theriault looked livid, a well-loved flannel robe wrapped around him and the covers and some extra blankets he knew weren't from the hotel thrown back on the bed behind him.

"Hollander says you have an explanation for why I'm having to call three men up from the NALH tonight and arrange an emergency dental surgery."

"Boizeau. This is fucking stupid, but I'm allowing it because it's done no harm and it seems to be doing the team good on the ice. Don't let this happen again, am I clear?"

"Of course, Coach."

"You tell Pike or Hollander what you're up to from now on."

"Of course."

"Now, I have calls to make."

"Sorry, Coach."

"Don't tell Hollzy, just tell me. He gets squirrelly about gay things," Hayden warned.

"Like in a homophobic way or-"

"No, you know him, he'd never. I think he's worried about spilling the secret. You know how he is."

"Oh, right."

"In other news, I think him and Lily patched things up."

"No shit?!"

"No shit."

"Damn, good for him. So are they official?"

"I think so, yeah."

"And he still won't tell you?"

Hayden shook his head.

"Weird."

"It's a shame we can't find anything we all want to watch."

"We're all different people, Gagny, the only thing we have in common is-" JJ sat up, knocking his controller off his lap, which made Gagny's partner, Laurence, jump, "hockey. Gagny, we have hockey in common."

"Hockey is the straightest sport in the world," Laurence piped up.

"MLH hockey is," JJ waggled his finger at her, pulling out his phone, "the women's league has a bunch of out lesbians."

"But that's looking at women, isn't that the opposite of gay?" Gagny pointed out.

"For your context. Not for a woman!"

"True!" JJ laughed, "true! But we have a gay team! The Dragons!"

"We could go see a Dragons game!" Gagny accepted the cheek kiss from JJ with grace, "when's the next one?"

"Already on it," JJ showed the two of them the Dragons' website, "unfortunately, we are on a roadie during their next one."

"But we're not playing or practicing during it."

"Hotel room watch party?"

"You fucking bet."

"Now this is what I'm fucking talking about!" Comy yelled, "look at those guys fucking go!"

"Homme, she'd got a braid."

"Even fucking better!"

Even Hollzy had taken a break from his ridiculous pre-game routines to join the team where they were all piled up in JJ's room, notepad in hand.

"They're not as good as us."

"Probably never got opportunity," Andy pointed out, "plus they are older. And is casual, beer league."

They cheered as the Dragons' team one centre landed a sweet wrister into team two's goal.

"How did you get a stream anyway?" Hayden asked.

"Contacted their team and asked them to set up a camera for us," JJ shrugged, "cost a little bit, since I had to buy the filming equipment, but it's worth it for MCG. And the Dragons'll know we support them."

"That's fucking dedicated, dude."

"It's for a good cause!"

The next time they were home and the Dragons were playing a game, they were there.

"JJ Boizeau, we're so happy to meet you," the president of the Dragons said, practically bouncing over, "thank you so much for the filming equipment, we aren't really the kind of league people come and watch, so it never crossed our mind."

"We're trying to broaden our horizons at the Metros, and support local teams. Hollzy over there," he pointed to where Hollzy was hunched up in a hoodie and shorts, bent over a notepad, "already has some notes on you guys' plays and how we can incorporate them."

The president looked ready to faint at that, "You know we're-"

"That's why we're here," JJ put an arm over his shoulder, "listen, you can keep a secret, right?"

He nodded.

"Well, if about 10% of the population isn't straight, that's one in ten people, right? It's probably less common in the MLH, given how terrible the sport is for people who stick out, so we'll say closer to 8%. That's still at least one guy in a 22-man team. We're calling him our mystérieux coéquipier gay, and we've got it on good authority he exists. So, we make him feel at home, show our support for gay things. Let him hide in plain sight, too."

"That's…"

"Which reminds me, we're on the hunt for a good gay bar, have any suggestions?"

"Some of the players are going to Rocky after this, if you'd like to meet them."

"We'd love to," he shook the man's shoulder, letting him go, "I'll get out of your hair, you have a hockey game to run."

The boys fucking loved Rocky. Between the Metros who elected to join them and the Dragons players, they bullied the bartenders into tuning the TVs into an Admirals game, and they were getting smashed.

JJ was listening with rapt attention as one of the Dragons centres, a 'turbo-dyke' named Marie, explained to him what a u-haul lesbian was.

"You know, I have a friend like that," JJ mused, more than a little drunk, "he's a dude, sure, but moved in and married a woman within a year of meeting her. They have four kids now."

Marie laughed her ass off, because she was also super drunk, "he can be an honorary lesbian, it's okay. He's earned the u-haul title."

"I think his wife would faint at the thought."

"In a bad way or-"

"Lust. Definitely lust. She always asks for pictures of him being flirted with when we go to gay bars."

"Oh, oh, it's like that!"

"Yuuuup."

Chapter End Notes

*bows* thank you for all the kind comments! i was not expecting this reaction! you guys are the best
also. JJ... hayden... you guys are so close. SO close.
also the dragons ARE a real pride team! go check them out! i'm using a mix of real and made-up places in montreal for this. Rocky is a real gay bar!

Chapter 3

Chapter Summary

The inaugural bear night. Also the drag addiction begins

Chapter Notes

Coach: Jean-François Theriault (CAN)
1-Soren "Mitty" Miitka (FIN) (Starter Goalie)
7-Stéphane "Berker" Berkes (CAN)
11-Alexander "Schneids" Schneider (GER)
14-Isak "Steddy" Stedlund (SWE)
16-Jean-Jaques "JJ/Boizy" Boiziau (CAN) (Defense)
18-Miller
20-Jacob "Wils" Wilson (USA)
22-Mathieu "Gagny" Gagnon (CAN) (Defense)
24-Shane "Holly/Hollzy" Hollander (CAN) (Center)
26-Gustaf Olsson (SWE)
28-Vincent "Nausy" Renaud (CAN) (Goalie)
35-Hayden "Pikey/Piker" Pike (CAN) (Left Wing)
41-Lucas "Lainer" Laine (USA)
43-Gilbert "Comy" Comeau (CAN)
45-Michael "Taytay" Taylor (CAN)
49-Denis "Andy" Andropov (RUS)
71-Timothy "Kochy" Koch (USA)
87-Jackson Roy (USA) (Defense)
88-Julien "Couilles" Couillard (CAN)
91-Patrice "Drapey/Pat" Drapeau (USA) (Goalie)

There are two guys who I haven't named yet, sorry about that :/

"JJ got a girl's number! At the gay bar!"

"Marie's a lesbian!"

"People's minds can ch-"

Taytay got absolutely buried in bottles, calls for fines resounding all around.

"I can make friends!" JJ hollered over the noise, "unlike you fuckfaces, I can talk to a woman without planning to get in her pants!"

"All of you, calm the fuck down!" Hollzy yelled, silencing the room, "Taytay, fine, 15 dollars."

"There's no precedent for that, you can't-"

"It's homophobic as fuck!" Berker yelled, "we have fines for-"

"Berker! Silence!" Hollzy barked, "He's right. We're considering it like our racism rules from 2016. 10 dollars, because there was no precedent, but the full fine will be 15."

"Thank you, Cap. Sorry, Cap."

Hollzy nodded.

"I know we said no Rupaul, but Canada's Drag Race doesn't have Rupaul directly involved," Gagny tapped away at his phone, "we'll be supporting Canadian artists."

"I'll call the boys."

It spiraled.

"I'm going to have to put my foot down about Canada's Drag Race in the dressing room."

"But Tiggie Doux and Flo Jobs are having a lip-sync battle!" Olsson whined.

"You can watch it after the game, for fuck's sake, guys, we're playing Toronto in an hour and a half!"

"Holly, come on, we're doing it for team synergy."

"I'm getting Theriault, guys. We can't be doing this now."

Unfortunately for Hollzy, Theriault was just as engrossed, calling in the assistant coach for a heated discussion about the parallels between high heels and ice skates, and if they could incorporate it into practice.

Hollzy took to spraying Theriault with his water bottle to break him out of his trance. Fucking party-pooper.

"I'm saying this now, gentlemen, so we don't have to have this discussion later," Coach announced after the game, "we are banning any and all forms of drag race during playoffs."

"Oh come on, you can't do this to us!"

"You like it too!"

"I know, but it's still a distraction."

"Can we still talk about it?"

"Only if you behave, but I reserve the right to take it away at any time."

"Thank you coach!"

"Bear Night?!" Mitty yelled from his locker, "we're in fucking Montreal!"

"The enemy!" Drapey howled, "They're cheering for the enemy!"

"Which fucking bar in Montreal is holding an entire night for the Boston fucking Bears?!" Hayden yelled.

"Usine à Saucisses!" Mitty yelled back.

"Who the fuck names their bar 'sausage factory'?" Couilles piped up.

"What the shit?!" JJ jumped into the fray.

"Boys, we gotta investigate." Taytay hit his hand against his cubby.

"When is it happening?"

"Tonight!"

"The Bears don't even have a game tonight!" Hollzy yelped, before he flushed, "I- I don't think."

"Hollzy, we all know you're a freak about hockey, it's okay," Berker pat his shoulder.

"Yeah!"

"Okay!" Taytay attempted to hold court, "who's down to see what the fuck they mean having a Bear Night in fucking Montreal?!"

The room erupted.

They were woefully unprepared for what was waiting for them when they went to Usine à Saucisses. They were expecting Boston fans. They did not get Boston fans.

So, apparently, in the gay community, a bear was a type of gay man. Not a hockey team. His mistake.

Even Kochy had come along to intimidate the fans. Poor guy was looking more than a little shell-shocked.

Hairy, fat, topless men streamed past their overcrowded booth with surprising regularity, and with them a whole fan-group of smaller men, all gay, who didn't even give them a second look.

They were ripped, top of their craft, and these guys were slavering over the, uh, bears without even giving them a passing glance.

"These drinks are really fucking good," Kochy slurred, "right, Taytay?"

Taytay glanced up from the mediocre plate of sausage he'd spent the evening demolishing, something he saw making him look like he was hit in the face by a slapshot.

"Maybe this is a little too gay for his homophobic ass?" Gagny whispered to him, in French like always.

"I'm not sure what's going on in that head of his," JJ whispered back, "he is pretty into Scott Hunter, though."

"Fine. Speculation."

"You know I'm right," but he still added his name to the fine jar IOU group chat, earning chirps from the home crowd.

Just then, a single, extremely handsome bear walked past their table, in a white shirt that was more obscene than if he'd just been shirtless, given the way it gave the man what was practically cleavage. If JJ was into that sort of thing, he'd be all over that, but as it stood, he was straight, and-

"I think I'm bisexual," Taytay blurted out, before slamming his head on the table, rattling his fork.

The table went dead silent.

"Kill me."

Kochy broke first, slapping his back, "Dude!"

"Did you just find out?!"

Taytay nodded, somehow making 6'3" of pure Saskatchewan beef look small and pathetic.

Wils hooted, slapping his hands on the table.

"Someone get this man a drink!" Berker roared.

"To Taytay!"

"To Bear Night!"

"Next round's on me!" JJ yelled, "Taytay, my man!"

"Here's my question, homme," Drapey pointed at Taytay, once they had sobered up and processed the implications of Taytay's confession, the next afternoon at practice, "why did you not know earlier?"

"We're peak male specimens! We should've been enough for any gay," Comy shielded himself from the bottles, "sorry, bisexual awakening!"

Hollzy raised an eyebrow, "some of you, yes."

"Ooh!"

"Burn!"

"Harsh, captaine!"

"You don't exactly go into a locker room looking to pick up dudes, guys," Hayden piped up, "maybe he wasn't looking."

"You'd think he'd maybe have an inkling, yeah?" Comy turned his head to Taytay, "like, just a passing awareness, like seeing a hot woman on the street."

Taytay shook his head, "nope."

"Taytay."

"Muscly guys just don't do it for me, I don't know. They're just… muscles. Not something I'm into."

"Oh, come on!"

"So you're saying you don't find any of us hot?"

Taytay shook his head.

"I'm insulted! Holy fuck, we are so ugly!"

"Homme, chill, Taytay just likes bears. You're plenty pretty."

"Thank you, JJ, you make a guy feel special."

"All it took was one bear to walk by in a tight shirt and he was a goner, not our fault. He isn't buying what we're selling."

"We need to take this guy to the mall, then. Since he won't buy our product."

"We're losing the metaphor a bit here, gentlemen."

"Don't we have pride night next week?" Hollzy piped up.

JJ scrambled for his phone.

They sure did. Fuck.

"Our first out guy in locker room!" Andy slung his arm over Taytay's shoulder, "cause for celebration, yes?"

"I don't want to be out, that's-"

"Of course not, we win tomorrow's game, celebrate for that!"

"Sounds like a fucking plan!"

The locker room roared in approval.

"Don't ruin Taytay's coming out party, give it your all tomorrow, boys!"

Theriault came in at the moment.

"What's happening?"

They all looked at each other, Taytay making eye contact with Hollzy, something hunted in his eyes.

"I just found out something new about myself, the boys want to celebrate it when we celebrate tomorrow's win, so people don't ask."

"If it means you play to win, I have no problems."

They fucking annihilated Annaheim. Left a crater in the ice where their goalie was.

"That's what I'm fucking talking about!" Hollzy roared, "if we keep showing up like that, we'll get ourselves another fucking cup!"

The locker room exploded.

"Taylor!" Theriault yelled over the din, "Whatever you are celebrating, it lit a fire under their asses, keep it the fuck up!"

"I'm going to the Big M! Who's with me?!"

The whole team roared, even Hollzy.

"Dude, dude."

"I did not know about Taytay," Hollzy blurted out, leaning heavily on Hayden after only two beers.

"I don't think Taytay knew about Taytay."

"I'm just saying."

Hayden pursed his lips, "How drunk are you, Cap?"

"Not that much, actually," he said, words slurring a little.

"Your voice says otherwise."

"I'm- uncoordinated, not stupid."

"Should we fine him?" JJ whispered to Gagny.

"He's kind of encouraging speculation on MCG, yeah."

"But he is drunk," JJ argued back.

"He's probably got that flush thing, it makes people physically act more drunk than they should, but booze hampers their thinking like everyone else," Gagny tapped away at his phone, showing him the wikipedia article for something called Syndrome du rougissement asiatique, "he gets really bad hangovers, and also look at him."

He was looking pretty red.

"So we fine him."

"So we fine him."

Hollzy put a 20 in the fine jar, glaring at JJ.

"You encouraged speculation on MCG, you get the fine."

"Not even you are exempt, Cap!"

He rolled his eyes at the heckling.

"What the fuck is this?!" Taytay yelled, pulling a yellow piece of fabric out of his cubby.

"It's bear pride flag!" Andy informed him from Kochy's phone.

"I'm not a bear!"

"Maybe after you retire!"

"We can't find a bear-lover's flag, so it worked!"

"Guys…"

"We are supporting him! And his love of bears!"

"We're not expecting him to walk out with it, just a little bit of love for him, you know?"

Taytay grabbed it, shoving it deep into his cubby, "not funny, guys."

JJ's heart sunk for a second, and Steddy gave him a concerned look, before they saw the smile on Taytay's face.

"No more pride flags for specific guys," Hollzy said as he painstakingly colored his tape job, "it singles people out. Andy, fine."

They'd tried to convince him to just use pride tape like everyone else, but Hollzy was so particular about his tape brand, but they expected him to make the exception just that once for pride night.

It was their first time using pride tape, apparently everyone had assumed there were enough homophobic guys on the team they'd catch shit. That sucked to find out.

The fumes were horrible, though, their equipment managers getting out the fans way too early.

Hollzy shrieked when his sharpie job got ruined by bottles, but he deserved it, the asshole.

"This is the Metros' first time using pride tape during their pride night, what can be said about the change?"

JJ looked up.

"Early in the season, we had a bit of a discussion about the culture in the locker room, and we decided we wanted to make some changes on how we treat each other, and our opinions. Now that we know we won't be catching sh- uh, we won't be having problems with one another, we feel more comfortable expressing ourselves, and our support for good causes."

"Did Scott Hunter's coming out have any influence on this?"

"Probably," Hollzy shrugged, "we've been heading in that direction anyway, Hunter just gave us a little push."

"Why aren't you using pride tape tonight?"

"I have my personal preferences, but I made a donation, and I showed my support anyway," he held up his stick.

"Any comments on the Metros' appearances in gay bars and at Dragons games?"

"Part of our discussion included how we can make the sport better for our LGBT fans, because, um, Montréal has a very robust community, and we really haven't done enough for them before. We wanted to, uh, connect with the city more, see what we've been missing."

"Plus the drinks are fucking awesome!" Comy yelled.

"What do you have to say about the rumors that the Metros are all gay?"

Now that was an awkward question, especially when Hollzy had to switch to English.

"Well," Hollzy laughed nervously, "that's really unlikely, statistics-wise. Supporting LGBT businesses and fans is just the right thing to do, and has nothing to do with who you want to take home at the end of the night."

The press switched back to French, "Anything you'd like to say to queer fans watching right now?"

"We're trying, and we'll be happy to be around, if you'll have us."

Metros

So we're all fans of drag

Right?

Piker
Yeah

Comy
def

How would we feel about seeing a show live?

Comy
GREAT

Mitty
I'm in.

We'll need to buy tickets

But here https://randombar.ca/dragnight/tickets

The one next week on the Tuesday

Enjoy

Taytay
jj it's a dry event

Steddy
means our captain might come

Lainer
👀

Miller
👀

Hollzy
i'm free.

Gagny
let's gooooo

Lainer
LET'S FUCKING GO

Comy
Captaine! 

Hollzy
you guys don't have to act that excited.

i go out sometimes.

Hayden
No you don't

Hollzy
dude.

betrayal.

Andy
Make sure to send plenty of snaps.

Kochy
im on it andy dont worry

JJ suspected Hollzy expected the event to be tamer, given it was a ticketed show.

A lot of the boys had paid extra for the throw-bags, more had decided to take advantage of the SAQ near Kochy's house and pregame, making them even more rowdy than usual, and that was before the entire team's new favorite drag queen took the stage.

"To finish the night, Marie Sino-Chéri, presenting Jane Holeander!"

Hollzy made a sound like a dog being stepped on.

The boys roared, throw-bags being torn open to pelt the stage.

Jane Holeander, their new hero, was dressed in an over-large custom-lettered #24 Metros jersey that said HOLEANDER on the back, which had been cut and sewn to form a very short dress with substantial cleavage, stepped onto the stage, looking nervous.

"WE LOVE YOU!" Kochy yelled, no-doubt exploding Andy's phone with snaps.

Behind her, she dragged a cardboard Stanley Cup.

Everyone held their breath.

A very recognizable piano chord played through the speakers.

The boys screamed, being shushed by the group of women next to them.

"Do we throw money at her, or would that be demeaning?" Taytay turned around to ask him and Gagny.

"Just throw what's in your bag," Gagny instructed.

"Hollzy, you've gotta introduce yourself."

Hollzy shook his head.

"This is the best thing to ever happen to us, the least you can do is give us a picture to commemorate it."

"We'll look like we're mocking her."

"No we-"

There were nights where the wind was so cold

Jane Holeander turned to the cup, a pained expression on her face.

That my body froze in bed
If I just listened to it right outside the window

Hollzy muttered to himself, tapping away at his phone, which was buzzing insistently.

"No doubt the girlfriend," Hayden whispered from his right, "I know she has a weird sense of humor."

There were days when the sun was so cruel
That all the tears turned to dust
And I just knew my eyes were drying up forever

Jane Holeander caressed the cup, before stomping away from it.

I finished crying in the instant that you left
And I can't remember where or when or how
And I banished every memory you and I had ever made

She turned around, staring at the cup.

But when you touch me like this
And you hold me like that
I just have to admit that it's all coming back to me

She rushed forward, pulling the cup into an embrace.

When I touch you like this
And I hold you like that
It's so hard to believe, but it's all coming back to me

JJ took a peek at Hollzy's phone from where he was tapping away. It was hard not to, he kept the brightness too high.

Lily

PICTURES!!!!!

SEND PICTURES

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE

I NEED TO SEE YOU WITH JANE HOLEANDER

come on.

i'm trying to watch the show.

PLEAAAAAAAAASE YOU KILL ME

fine.

[image]

she looks just like u

same size tits too

fuck off.

but i do not see you in this

my thumb is there.

get a selfie with her

no.

i will send nudes in exchange

LILY!

not a no.

i will remember this later

ugh.

it's not a no.

but only if you make good on your promise.

Okay! It wasn't news to him that Lily was a freak with a weird sense of humour, but seeing it first-hand? And Hollzy humouring her? Not fun.

By the end of the set, even Hollzy seemed to be enjoying himself.

"That was a really good performance."

As Marie Sino-Chéri took her bows, she seemed to notice the throng of tall guys with mashed-up faces, her face paling.

Gagny and him shared a look, before standing up to continue clapping.

Standing ovation, smart.

Hollzy sighed, getting up and picking through their seats.

"Where are you going?"

"My friend wants me to take a photo with," he took a deep breath, "Jane Holeander."

"Yeah!" Comy good-gamed Hollzy, "get that photo!"

"We should come with!" Kochy moved to follow Hollzy.

"No, no, we don't want to overwhelm her!" JJ grabbed Hayden, "just me, Piker, and Hollzy. We'll get a group photo later, if she's okay."

Jane Holeander was panicking, "I'm so sorry, I didn't think that-"

"My friend wants me to take a photo with you," Hollzy blurted out. Sure, friend. Not freak-ass girlfriend. Nothing to see here.

"Don't- what?"

"It was really funny," JJ stepped in, since Hayden couldn't speak French to save his life, "we loved it, even Hollzy here, after he got over his initial embarrassment."

"The, uh, the cup was a good choice, really funny," Hollzy said, pulling out his phone.

Chapter End Notes

i made the boston team the bears and not the raiders specifically for this joke.
this is the last i have pre-written, but chapter 4 is well underway!
i am so fucking proud of jane holeander, it hit me like a bolt of lightning and i almost yelled eureka. but yeah if anyone wants a shane hollander drag act to be named jane holeander i am giving you my full permission i think i'm hilarious do whatever you want with it.
with regards to shane when he got "drunk", i did some talking around the fandom, including with someone who was half-japanese half-white, and they said they liked the concept of shane getting "asian flush". in english it's called "alcoholic flush syndrome", he had a good chance of inheriting it from his mother, it is most commonly found in east asian populations but not exclusive to them. the flush is part of it, but it also makes the physical impairment of alcohol more strong relative to how much you've drank, so shane would seem more drunk than he actually is. another reason why shane doesn't drink much. he has an alcohol tolerance similar to anyone else his height who doesn't drink much, but he gets physically fucked up much faster.

Chapter 4

Chapter Summary

As the season comes to a close, Shane shows his wild side. The boys have movie nights, and finally get to talk to Scott Hunter. Kind of.

Chapter Notes

Another chapter, another roster listing!
Coach: Jean-François Theriault (CAN)
1-Soren "Mitty" Miitka (FIN) (Starter Goalie)
7-Stéphane "Berker" Berkes (CAN)
11-Alexander "Schneids" Schneider (GER)
14-Isak "Steddy" Stedlund (SWE)
16-Jean-Jaques "JJ/Boizy" Boiziau (CAN) (Defense)
18-Miller
20-Jacob "Wils" Wilson (USA)
22-Mathieu "Gagny" Gagnon (CAN) (Defense)
24-Shane "Holly/Hollzy" Hollander (CAN) (Center)
26-Gustaf Olsson (SWE)
28-Vincent "Nausy" Renaud (CAN) (Goalie)
35-Hayden "Pikey/Piker" Pike (CAN) (Left Wing)
41-Lucas "Lainer" Laine (USA)
43-Gilbert "Comy" Comeau (CAN)
45-Michael "Taytay" Taylor (CAN)
49-Denis "Andy" Andropov (RUS)
71-Timothy "Kochy" Koch (USA)
87-Jackson Roy (USA) (Defense)
88-Julien "Couilles" Couillard (CAN)
91-Patrice "Drapey/Pat" Drapeau (USA) (Goalie)

There are two guys who I haven't named yet, sorry about that :/

"So, according to Marie Sino-Chéri, we should watch Les Boys."

"Wait, you have Marie Sino-Chéri's num-"

"Les Boys!" Berker yelled, "I love Les Boys!"

"Quiet down!" Comy howled, "I'm so fucking hung over from bear night."

"We all are, homme!"

"Fuck yes!"

"What's Les Boys?" Steddy asked.

"How can you not know what-"

"Mandatory movie night, tonight!" JJ yelled.

"Critical piece of Québécois history!"

"How have you represented our beautiful province without seeing Les Boys!"

"Movie night!"

Andy was engrossed. Maybe because he wasn't hung over from the previous bear night.

"I barely understand what is happening," so, not engrossed, "text is English, speech is French, I barely understand."

"Shit, Andy, we're sorry."

"You worry too much. Is nothing!" He waved his hand, "I learn more, I understand better, yes?"

"French or English?"

"French, English is a dumb language."

Gagny, who was always their sober guy and thus had not been hit with the legendary bear night hangover, leapt over the couch to give him a high five.

"Our lessons start tomorrow, Andy!" Drapey yelled.

"Rozanov also finds French easier," Hollzy piped up.

Hayden scoffed, "I still can't get my head around the fact you two are actually friends."

That was news to JJ, "you're what?!"

"We, uh, we've been friendly for a while now. He's pretty funny."

"Woah, is the legendary Hollander-Rozanov rivalry done?"

"Never."

"As if Holly would be friends with someone who didn't play good hockey with him."

"He's friends with you, Piker, isn't he?"

"Hey!"

Gagny leaned over to JJ, "he always forgets he has the A on a two-time cup winning MLH team, it's kinda hilarious."

JJ and Gagny frog-marched a fucking hammered Kochy to Hollzy and Hayden's hotel room, despite his protests.

Hollzy opened the door with a sour expression.

Gagny held up Kochy's limp body, "He ruined his pants."

"How is it my problem that Kochy shat himself?"

"We probably interrupted his phone sex," Gagny muttered to him, too quiet and French for Hollzy to understand, "he's usually not in this bad of a mood."

JJ narrowed his eyes. He could definitely see it, the hastily thrown on shorts, the awkward angle of a man hiding a boner, the vaguely sweaty face.

They were dead meat.

"I didn't shit my pants!" Kochy slurred, "we were- we were at a bar, and the drinks were really good! So I put one in my pocket for Andy, since he can never come."

"I don't have spare pants, I'm not your mother."

"But Hollzy!" Gagny protested, "it's bear night!"

"It's fucking bear night everywhere!" Hollzy threw his hands up, "we'll talk in the morning, get out of my sight."

Really dead meat. Theriault was going to fucking kill them.

Hollzy apologized in the morning, handing Kochy a set of jeans in his size. Ones that fit hockey butt, even.

"Yeah, we definitely interrupted him."

"Who knew our lovely captain was such a hardass when he got interrupted?"

Piker

Piker next time you get sexiled send us a warning

Almost got our heads bitten off last night

I wasn't sexiled.

I went out to get some groceries because Shane was tired of restaurant food and wanted some plain old veggies.

Wait.

"SHANE!" Hayden squawked.

Hollzy

fucking snitch.

SHANE HOLLANDER CAPTAIN MY CAPTAIN

DIE

YOU DOG

let me put this in words you understand.

tu vas mourrir, espèce de balance

LYING TO SEXILE YOUR ROOMIE

I DIDN'T KNOW YOU HAD IT IN YOU

FERME TA GUEULE

IM SO PROUD OF YOU

Hey! Not nice

"I didn't know he had it in him."

JJ looked at Gagny, who was watching the second D-line from their bench.

"Phone sex?"

"Everyone in a relationship has phone sex. It's roadie 101."

JJ narrowed his eyes at Gagny.

"Ok, maybe not if they're teammates, but yeah, if you're in a relationship, you have phone sex."

"Do you?"

Gagny gave him a look.

"I don't know why I asked," JJ sighed, "so what are you surprised he had-"

"Boizeau, Gagnon!" Coach yelled, "you're up when Stedlund and Roy come off!"

"Fucking offsides calls, man," JJ groaned, getting in position for a faceoff in their zone.

"Tell me about it," Gagny rolled his shoulders, "I'm surprised Hollzy had the balls to lie about needing the room for sex."

"Piker could've come back at any point," JJ mused, before he paused, "wait, Gagny, wait-"

"You don't think he-"

Gagny's sentence was interrupted by the puck dropping, and they were off.

"The dog."

"Exhibitionism was not what I expected from our captain."

"People assume certain things about him because he's... y'know. There's expectations too, since he's a role model. Can't fight, not really."

"Even though he really wants to," Gagny nodded to where Cap was practically bouncing on his feet, ready to jump at the Centaurs' centre.

"It's why me and Steddy never play on the same line. Neither of us should be fighting."

"Man, I hate that shit."

"Me too," JJ looked at where Hollzy nearly bit his mouthguard in half.

"Luckily for him, Vegas drafted someone else this year."

"Huh?" Gagny looked up, "Wait, yeah, yeah, the slick kid."

"Doesn't have to be as much of a role model when there's someone else, you know?"

"Yeah, I guess."

"Let loose. Be crazy. You know he's got it in him."

"Be an exhibitionist."

JJ smacked the back of his head.

"Get the fuck out of my way, you fucking cocksucker," Dallas Kent growled at Couilles, loud enough for JJ and Gagny to hear, "fucking faggot team. Can't skate from all the dicks up your asses."

That didn't even make fucking sense!

"The fuck you say, Kent?" Gagny yelled, reaching for his gloves.

Couilles stepped back, pulling Kent's hand off his jersey, expecting Gagny to step in, like he usually did.

"Hey!" The gap was closed not by Gagny, but by Hollzy skating in to get right in his face, "the fuck you say?!"

"Oh, the biggest fag-lover himself is coming to tell me off? Not PC to be offended by your team fucking flaunting their gay asses everywhere, huh?"

"Woah, woah, woah-"

"You don't fucking fight Shane fucking Hollander, that's a fucking-"

"That's Captain fag-lover to you," and pulled Kent's jersey over his head and his helmet off in one smooth move.

"-death sentence."

Despite how he acted on-ice in the MLH, Hollzy loved a fight. Loved it so much his parents had a whole compilation of his fights, starting all the way to his first hockey game. Hayden had once let it slip that Hollzy used to do MMA as a teenager, but had to give it up after his sixth concussion.

Hollzy had then mentioned that he still kept up with it, even if he couldn't fight an actual opponent. So the boys took him to an arcade, made him get behind one of those punching bag machines.

876.

"Kent's going to be out for the season, no doubt," Gagny slung an arm over one of the Guardians' Ds, some fuck-ugly American dude. He swapped to English for the American's benefit, "dance partner?"

The American nodded, slinging his arm back, "I've heard about Hollander, I'm not getting involved in that."

JJ snagged his own Guardian, "Nah, Hollzy doesn't want to be suspended."

"After what Kent said? I doubt he'll get a suspension," JJ's dance partner responded. In French! "Linesman's already discussing fines."

"What?"

JJ took a look at his jersey. Number 67, McDonald. Not a French name.

"You speak French?"

"Acadian. My grandpa's the only anglo in my family."

"No shit?!"

"No shit. Here's to hoping Hollander breaks his jaw. Maybe he'll finally stop saying shit when his jaw is wired shut."

JJ fist-bumped him.

Hollzy received a game ejection, with more to be decided, so off to the locker room he went.

"Bloodlust sated, you think?"

JJ looked at the tunnel, where Hollzy was sulking in his hoodie, shooting daggers at the ice, "Definitely not."

"Man was literally on the ground, it took three guys to haul him off, what more blood does he want?!"

"Kent's head on a pike, no doubt."

"Hollander, you're very lucky."

Hollzy scowled at Theriault.

"Linesman picked up what Kent said, refs deemed it hate speech."

He crossed his arms, "and what does that mean for me?"

"Reduced fine, and no suspension."

Hollander released a breath as the locker room erupted.

"You broke his jaw in three places, Hollander," Theriault nodded, "keep that cannon to yourself."

"It won't happen again."

Theriault gave him a look that called bullshit, "pull your punches next time."

"Okay."

It was time for their monthly D-man debrief.

JJ hated hosting, but they always insisted he did it. So there they were, piled on his shitty bachelor couch, beers and sodas in hand, watching an episode of Rupaul's Drag Race after they sworn each other to silence. Kochy would have their asses if he knew.

It wasn't their fault they had run out of Canada's Drag Race to watch!

"I'm so glad Kent got his jaw wired shut," Roy groaned, "I know we already sent Cap a gift basket, but we should send him another."

"Fuck that guy, really."

"Out for the whole season, fucking magic!"

Gagny raised his beer, "to Hollzy and that fucking cannon!"

They cheered.

"Hey Taytay!"

Taytay looked up from where he was lacing his skates.

"I heard Bar Aigle Noir's having a bear night!"

"Shut the fuck up!"

"Bar Aigle Noir has a fucking bear paw on its sign!"

"It's way too classy for you chucklefucks anyway," Hollzy muttered, almost to himself.

"Hey, fuck you!"

"Well, Comy was a bust."

"Hey!"

"You got fucking decked by Vaughn before you could even get a word in edgewise, don't act offended!"

"Oh, we're talking about asking Hunter about improving locker room culture?" Taytay asked.

"Yeah, why, are you volunteering?"

"Yeah, actually. Maybe he's gonna know I'm bisexual."

"How the fuck would he know?" Kochy asked.

"I don't know, intuition?"

"Gay people can't just sniff each other out, are you fucking insane?!"

"How else do closeted guys get laid?"

"Taytay, just give me your phone," Hayden held his hand out.

He cradled it close to his chest, "no, fuck you."

"I'm showing you how closeted guys get laid," Hayden made grabby hands, successfully taking Taytay's phone, "that is, if you want to get laid."

"I… I dunno."

"I'll download it for you, if you make a choice."

Gagny choked on his water.

"Piker, are you downloading Grindr onto Taytay's phone?!" Drapey squawked.

"Yeah, it's how closeted guys get laid."

"And how do you know this? Does your wife know-"

"Google is free," Hayden seemed to process the second statement, because he made a really funny noise, "absolutely fucking not, I love Jackie."

"Sorry to interrupt, but Captain is sending emails," Andy announced, earning himself a bottle whipped at his head.

"Before the game?!" 

"Holly, please."

"This is why I sent the email," Hollzy sighed, watching Taytay be escorted off the ice after a nasty hit from one of the Admirals' Ds, who received a double minor for it.

"The email?" Gagny asked.

"I asked Scott Hunter to meet, since I know you guys want to pick his brains."

JJ laughed despite himself. "Over email?!"

"It's not like I have his number."

"Hollzy, you are a boomer in a millenial's body. Never fucking change."

"Fuck off."

"This was not what I fucking meant when I said you could come with me for moral support," Hollzy ground out, "you're lucky the ban isn't lifetime."

"Come on, Hollzy, it was bear night!"

"You guys and your fucking bear night."

"Come on, that was pretty tame for us," Kochy protested.

"You and Steddy threw a man at Taytay," Gagny pointed out.

"I don't want to hear a fucking word from you, Gagnon," Hollzy pointed an angry finger at him, "The other boys dancing on the table at least have the excuse of not being stone-cold sober."

"Listen, Cap, we're sorry."

"You are very fucking lucky I have Hunter's number now, so I can arrange a fucking Skype call in my room, away from you fucking assholes. Hayden-"

Hayden's head shot up, before he looked like he regretted it. The drinks at the Kingfisher were nothing compared to Usine à Saucisses, but he had… indulged. They all had. Except for fucking Gagny and Hollzy.

"It's your job to make sure these morons don't get kicked out of another bar. Take them somewhere where there isn't bear night."

"Did someone say bear night?" Berker piped up from the trash can.

"Bear night?" Comy repeated.

"No fucking bear night, you're all cut off!"

He should've expected the boos and the jeers. JJ couldn't understand why he was mad.

They were going to get kicked out of this stupid fucking karaoke bar. JJ lolled his head back, groaning as the stupid Americans belted out another round of Country Roads.

"JJ, we should take our revenge."

JJ hummed in interest.

"You, me, whatever other francos we can fit on the table, Le Trois Accords."

"Saskatchewan?

"You fucking bet."

"Hey Taytay!"

Taytay peeled his head off from the table where he was sulking. As much as he complained, he loved bear nights, and hated being kicked out of them.

"We're gonna sing a song about your beautiful province, wanna join in? All you gotta do is say Saskatchewan when the screen says to."

Taytay staggered onstage, helped by Gagny, along with Berkes, who'd brought a fishbowl to act as a puke bucket, Comy, Couilles and Nausy. They'd assembled the French-Canadian Avengers, as well as the token Saskatchewan guy, and they were ready to blow New York City's tits off with their stunning rendition.

"Is it the French-Canadian Avengers without Drapey?" JJ asked, nursing a hangover on the team bus towards Long Island.

"He's American, just because he speaks French doesn't mean he's one of us."

"I mean, his family is French-Canadian."

"But is he Canadian? No."

Chapter End Notes

because of the shorter chapter, i'm going to post a quick interlude to make up for my crimes. expect that shortly!
i slapped the last 1K or so of this on a wobbly table in a library with the worst WIFI ever so. it's a bit rushed. thank you so much for all the kind comments they fuel me!
oh! based on the comments, do not worry, the metros are cut off from bear night like a bartender cuts you off knowing you'll be right back tomorrow. taytay will not be deprived

Chapter 5: Shane Hollander Interlude

Chapter Summary

Shane Hollander finally discloses his potential conflict of interest to the team staff.

Chapter Notes

I named Theriault Jean-Francois bc of all the JFs I have interacted with. There's a fucking pixie out there that exists to possess Quebecois retirees named Jean-Francois and everyone around them is just along for the ride.

"What's this meeting about, Hollander?"

Shane took stock. Farah was with him, the Metros lawyer was with Theriault, as was HR.

"My client would like to disclose a potential conflict of interest."

Coach Theriault let out a breath, leaning back.

"I am in a romantic relationship with another player in our division."

Theriault's eyebrows rose into his hairline, "I didn't peg you for un homosexual, Hollander."

He crossed his arms despite himself, "well, I am, so-"

"The Metros have no issues with such a revelation. The potential conflict of interest is our only concern." HR butted in.

"Thank you," Farah nodded.

Theriault scoffed, "where the fuck would Shane Hollander find a conflict of interest? He doesn't even let his best friend's children win tag, and he's not paid millions of dollars to win that."

Shane wasn't expecting that.

HR raised his pen, "Can you disclose who it is? We'd like to be in touch with their management."

Farah butted in, "He's being traded this year, we have no idea how his management will react-"

"Hollander. Don't tell me you're dating Ilya Rozanov."

"Well, I-"

"You're dating the only man who can come as close to being as competitive as you, and you're worried about being accused of a conflict of interest?!"

"Well, Mr Hollander knows there's not one there."

"We can pull literally any of your game stats against the Bears as evidence. Believing we'd think you were throwing games against Ilya fucking Rozanov. You'd be fucking throwing every other game before you throw a game against Rozanov. It's probably a fucking sex thing for you two."

Shane cleared his throat, not sure how to respond.

"Fuck, no, don't fucking tell me. I shouldn't have asked."

"This is going… better than I'd expected."

"I'm fucking old, not fucking dead. I have eyes, and you play too good hockey to throw it away over some guy."

"How long have you two been together?" Legal piped up.

"Officially? After the 2017 season. Unofficially? Since we were rookies."

"So we have plenty of evidence against conflicts of interest, if anyone tries to sue."

Shane released a breath he didn't know he was holding.

"Thank you for the disclosure," the Metros' lawyer began, "in my professional opinion, as well as Jean-Francois Theriault's, there is plenty of evidence no conflict of interest is occurring, and we will quickly bring our legal case together, in case such an accusation occurs."

"Thank you for the… semi-professional response." Farah said delicately.

"I'd be fucking stupid to alienate the best player Montreal's ever had."

Chapter End Notes

thank you, thank you. i have a train to catch now. buh bye!