Preface

reaching out a hand
Posted originally on the Archive of Our Own at https://archiveofourown.org/works/78251381.

Rating:
Teen And Up Audiences
Archive Warning:
No Archive Warnings Apply
Category:
M/M
Fandom:
Heated Rivalry (TV)
Relationship:
Shane Hollander/Ilya Rozanov
Characters:
Shane Hollander, Ilya Rozanov, Original Characters
Additional Tags:
reddit, Social Media, Shane Hollander Loves Ilya Rozanov, Some Humor, Episode: s01e05 I'll Believe in Anything (Heated Rivalry), POV Outsider, Parent Death, Developing Relationship, minimal angst, this is just. what if shane was on reddit
Language:
English
Series:
Part 3 of heated rivalry social media fics, Part 4 of all dwk heated rivalry fics
Collections:
Stoopid Gay Hockey Players, Love is forever, All the faves
Stats:
Published: 2026-01-25 Updated: 2026-03-22 Words: 6,187 Chapters: 5/?

reaching out a hand

by dottiedoesotherfandoms (dottie_wan_kenobi)

Summary

r/relationshipadvice - Posted by u/gingeraled42 15 hours ago

How can I [25M] support my partner [25M] more? His father just died.

--

Moments of Hollanov's relationship and lives, as seen through the eyes of Reddit

Notes

if the format is wrong.... shh..... just ignore it.... thank you

I'm updating the format bc I really don't like it being so plain lol, please be patient with me as I change it over, thank youuuuu

See the end of the work for more notes

Chapter 1: r/relationshipadvice - How can I [25M] support my partner [25M] more? His father just died.

12.4k

r/relationships · Posted by u/gingeraled42 15 hours ago.

How can I [25M] support my partner [25M] more? His father just died.

Relationships

I’ve never used Reddit before so I hope I’m doing this right.

Recently my partner(?)’s father passed away and he had to go back to his home country to deal with it. There are a lot of reasons why he’s having a bad time, and I want to do my best to support him while he’s there. Last time something like this happened, I think I pushed him too much by checking in on him a lot, so I want to avoid that, even though I don’t think he would react the same. That was a few years ago.

He is already there and thankfully has a friend with him so he’s not alone.

What can I do to support him during this time?

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lunarmeow · 15 hours ago

honestly all you can do is be there for him. if he needs to call, call. if he needs space, give it to him. it’s best to ask directly what a person needs, no matter if they’re your partner, friend, family member, etc. do you know how long he’ll be there for? maybe once he’s back you can arrange a day where it’s just the two of you. he’ll probably need to decompress after

8.1k points Reply Share Report Save

gingeraled42 ⋅ OP · 15 hours ago

No, he doesn’t know how long he’ll be gone. It was all pretty sudden. He’s texted me a few times, just to say he made it safely, but that’s it. He hasn’t really said if he needs anything. I’ll try to ask.

A day together sounds amazing, but with our jobs, I’m not sure when it will be possible.

4.5k points Reply Share Report Save

walkingstar86535 · 15 hours ago

All due respect, but his dad dying feels like the sort of thing you take off work for

7k points Reply Share Report Save

126 more replies

i_luv_wangxian · 15 hours ago

Okay kind of reading between the lines here, not sure what extra problems he’ll be facing there but I assume they’re pretty serious? Can you elaborate on that at all?

9k points Reply Share Report Save

gingeraled42 ⋅ OP · 15 hours ago

I don’t want to say too much since it’s his business. Honestly I don’t know everything, but I know that whatever family he has left, he doesn’t get along with. They don’t talk much? I never hear about them.

And… I don’t think he feels safe there, either. It’s not an accepting country. I don’t really understand how bad it could get, but the last time we talked about it, he seemed pretty concerned about what could happen if people around him found out

7k points Reply Share Report Save

i_luv_wangxian · 15 hours ago

I wondered if that might be what’s happening here… From personal experience, when my grandmother died last year, I had to go home and was in a similar position. I was able to bring my girlfriend along with me as my “close friend who is like a sister” and my homophobic family mostly accepted it. I felt so fucking bad, she didn’t want to go back into the closet, but it wasn’t safe there either and I kept apologizing when we were alone. She told me she was whatever I needed her to be. Friend, girlfriend, support, distraction, whatever. It meant so much to me that I didn’t have to think or perform for her. Everything else sucked but she was like my safe space. I really don’t think I would have survived going back without her

… I didn’t mean to ramble on so much, wow. I guess my advice is to do what my girlfriend did, and just be whatever he needs. If your boyfriend’s situation is anything like mine, then he’ll seriously need the outlet

7.1k points Reply Share Report Save

gingeraled42 ⋅ OP · 15 hours ago

Don’t apologize. This helped a lot. I’m so glad that you had her when you needed her.

5k points Reply Share Report Save

239 more replies

hr-romance-is-peak · 14 hours ago

Why didn’t you go with him?

145 points Reply Share Report Save

gingeraled42 ⋅ OP · 14 hours ago

It wasn’t possible. If I could be there with him, I would be

57 points Reply Share Report Save

colderthana · 14 hours ago

I don’t know, I don’t believe you. Who wouldn’t go with their partner when their father dies?

6 points Reply Share Report Save

17dchessyes · 14 hours ago

OP’s partner is from a homophobic country, you want him to go with so they can both get hatecrimed? Tf is wrong with you. Also some people have jobs, maybe you’ve heard of it

128 points Reply Share Report Save

pm_ur_tits · 14 hours ago

Everyone has really nice answers about waiting for him to ask you for what he needs. FUCK THAT. I understand he’s in another country right now so this probably won’t be applicable yet, but when he gets home, let me tell you what made my life so much easier after my mom died.

My husband stepped the fuck up. I didn’t have to worry about dinner or getting the oil changed or anything. He got the laundry and the dishes and all the other stupid chores done without having to be asked.

Being told “What do you need?” is nice but it is so. goddamn. exhausting. I didn’t know what I needed. I didn't know what to ask for. But my husband did. He saw that something needed to get done, and that I wasn’t able to do it right then, so he took that extra stress off my plate.

11.6k points Reply Share Report Save

gingeraled42 ⋅ OP · 14 hours ago

I wish I could do this. We don’t live together though, and I don’t have a key to his place. Maybe I could send groceries once he’s back?

3.2k points Reply Share Report Save

bluesarethebest · 14 hours ago

And you’ve been together for how long…?

8.6k points Reply Share Report Save

gingeraled42 ⋅ OP · 14 hours ago

It’s complicated. We’re long distance and in different countries most of the time.

4.5k points Reply Share Report Save

348 more replies

jiminsleftelbow · 13 hours ago

So can I ask why you said “partner(?)” ??

3k points Reply Share Report Save

gingeraled42 ⋅ OP · 13 hours ago

Less embarrassing than calling him my fuck buddy that I’m pretty sure I’m in love with

4.1k points Reply Share Report Save

jiminsleftelbow · 13 hours ago

YOU CAN’T JUST DROP THAT WITH NO EXTRA CONTEXT HELLOOOO??

3.5k points Reply Share Report Save

dogsaremylife001 · 13 hours ago

i dont need to know more to know ur both messy as hell. very intriguing tho

1.4k points Reply Share Report Save

yyyyyamihere · 13 hours ago

ik ur mans dad just died but can we get a storytime??

483 points Reply Share Report Save

isleepforfree · 13 hours ago

Some of these comments are weird af. Just wanted to say, don’t push yourself too hard trying to help him. It won’t help if you’re both fucked up albeit in different ways. My best advice is just try to be normal. Make sure he knows you love him. That he can react however he needs and you won’t judge him for it. Listen when he talks about it if he wants to, and don’t push him to talk if he doesn’t want to. That sort of thing.

2.7k points Reply Share Report Save

gingeraled42 ⋅ OP · 13 hours ago

Thank you, but I’m fine.

These are good ideas. I appreciate it.

981 points Reply Share Report Save

mountainofcake · 12 hours ago

Sorry for your partner’s loss OP :( I hope he’s doing okay. It seems like he’s lucky to have you!

1k points Reply Share Report Save

itchypalms · 11 hours ago

google is free…….

-694 points Reply Share Report Save

Chapter 2: r/relationshipadvice - [UPDATE] How can I [25M] support my partner [25M] more? His father just died.

Chapter Notes

-finger hearts- thank you for all the comments on the first chapter!! you guys are funny af and I'm so glad you're enjoying <3 I hope you like this one too!!

I feel like I have to confess I have like a 600 day streak on reddit.... yes I am a clown but maybe it was just research for this fic, think about that

See the end of the chapter for more notes

9.9k

r/relationships · Posted by u/gingeraled42 1 day ago.

[UPDATE] How can I [25M] support my partner [25M] more? His father just died.

Relationships

I keep getting emails about my post. Everyone wants an update. I don’t really understand why, or how my post got so much attention. I don’t think it’s a particularly interesting situation honestly. But someone posted it on Twitter and one of my friends sent it to me, saying it reminded him of a guy we know whose dad also just died. Yes. It does. I have no idea how I managed to stay normal and not tip him off that I wrote that post but he doesn’t think my partner and I are even friends so that helped.

Anyway, here’s the update.

I tried to take a lot of the advice you guys gave me and make myself available if he needed anything. It’s difficult with the time difference but we’ve called a few times. I don’t want to go into what we talked about because that’s private but I hope I helped him. It wasn’t really what I expected, but it’s made me feel closer to him so I’m not upset.

He’s not home yet, but I’m planning on sending groceries and some gross desserts he really likes. I don’t want to encourage him to eat unhealthily but I guess if there’s ever a good time to eat a lot of sugar, it’s after your parent dies. Right?

It’s not much of an update but he seems kind of fine.

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jiminsleftelbow · 1 day ago

OP didn’t mention this in either of his main posts but I think it’s important context, this is not his partner, this is his fuckbuddy ??? Please I am dying to know more about that. You guys sound like they’re fully married already.

8.2k points Reply Share Report Save

bluesarethebest · 1 day ago

You say that but they don’t even live together

7k points Reply Share Report Save

jiminsleftelbow · 1 day ago

Obviously they’re long distance, I scrolled through all of his comments and he made it sound like their jobs keep them apart

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gingeraled42 ⋅ OP · 1 day ago

There’s really not much to say. We’ve known each other for a long time. Both of us are into men so whenever we got the chance to see each other, we would meet up and have sex. I don’t know anyone else who is like us. It was casual for a long time but now it’s not. We’re just not in a position where we can be together.

7.2k points Reply Share Report Save

interviewwiththecreampire · 1 day ago

if you’re not together, why call him your partner then?

4.3k points Reply Share Report Save

gingeraled42 ⋅ OP · 1 day ago

I didn’t want to make the title long and confusing

4k points Reply Share Report Save

jiminsleftelbow · 1 day ago

Is that the only reason…?

3k points Reply Share Report Save

gingeraled42 ⋅ OP · 1 day ago

I’m not sure what you want me to say. I know we aren’t partners but it seemed like the closest term. He’s not nothing to me, he’s more than just my fuckbuddy. But we aren’t together. He’s kind of like my partner in this secret.

2.8k points Reply Share Report Save

jiminsleftelbow · 1 day ago

It’s a secret?? Okay, real talk. Do you need help bagging your man? I have friends who manipulate men for a living, they have a lot of great advice. I’m serious.

3.2k points Reply Share Report Save

gingeraled42 ⋅ OP · 1 day ago

What. I’m going to stop replying to you now.

2.4k points Reply Share Report Save

409 more replies

bloodinmyteef · 1 day ago

You should totally let him eat what he wants, this is absolutely the time to just relax and try to get through it to the other side. Who has time to worry about their diet when they’re grieving? It’s kind of weird that you’re talking about what he eats like that. Kind of controlling.

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beaniebabie976665 · 1 day ago

this is such bad advice lmao don’t let your partners eat their feelings??? okay like. obviously you can’t decide what he does or doesn’t do. but i would NOT encourage him to eat whatever he wants, that road leads down to places it’s very hard to get out from. i’m speaking from experience. that is one vice i regret very much.

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gingeraled42 ⋅ OP · 1 day ago

I think you’re confused on what I was saying. He can eat whatever he wants, he’ll do it anyway no matter what I say. I only mentioned that because it was brought up in my first post. It’s a way I can kind of take care of him from afar. I don’t think he has a lot of people around him who cook for him or feed him.

I do not control what he eats.

4.5k points Reply Share Report Save

beachsurfspray · 1 day ago

OP, ignore this whole comment, there’s nothing of value here

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IncandescantSnowBall · 18 hours ago

Sometimes Reddit blows things up that make no sense. I think people were so interested in your post because you’re very earnest. It’s sweet. You seem like a really good partner, or former fuckbuddy, current... whatever.

How are you holding up? I know you said he’s doing fine but it can still be a lot of stress to have to go through this as the support person.

5k points Reply Share Report Save

gingeraled42 ⋅ OP · 1 day ago

Thank you. I’m trying really hard. He’s the only person I’ve ever really felt like this with, and I want to do it right. Even if we were just friends, I would want to be there for him.

I’m fine.

4k points Reply Share Report Save

103 more replies

starfireismywife · 16 hours ago

Lmao what did your friend say?

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gingeraled42 ⋅ OP · 16 hours ago

He showed me the post and thought it was sweet. I didn’t say that much because honestly, I was embarrassed. One of our coworkers started talking about my partner because of the similarities in the two situations. He joked about my partner probably having a lot of girls to make him feel better, unlike ‘the guy in the post’ who was ‘locked down’. After that I told everyone to get back on track.

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to-shreds-you-say · 16 hours ago

can’t tell if this is sweet or weird

1.2k points Reply Share Report Save

27 more replies

isleepforfree · 14 hours ago

Glad to see this update and to hear he’s doing okay. What do you mean by “unexpected” tho? People react in all kinds of different ways, maybe it seems weird to you but whatever it is, it’s probably not that uncommon

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gingeraled42 ⋅ OP · 14 hours ago

The first time we talked after he made it over there, we video called and we ended up having phone sex. He seemed totally fine. Then the next time we called, he was doing a lot worse, I think. We actually talked that time.

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Frontal-Metronome74 · 14 hours ago

oh of course, I’ve never wanted sex more than I did immediately following grandpa’s funeral

2.7k points Reply Share Report Save

firstprinced · 14 hours ago

OP, can I ask what the call was like??? “Hello, yes I’m so sad my father just died, but I know what will make me feel better. Please jerk off with me”???

2.6k points Reply Share Report Save

gingeraled42 ⋅ OP · 14 hours ago

I don’t think I should’ve answered this comment if you’re all going to be rude about him.

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isleepforfree · 14 hours ago

Okay yeah maybe it’s a little surprising but if you think about it, he was just wanting connection. You said he’s in another country right now. It’s not that weird, you’re all just a bunch of virgin losers who don’t know what it’s like to be in a healthy relationship

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Chapter End Notes

this chapter was partially inspired by a few different comments... so, if you have something you're interested in seeing, please let me know! I can't promise to write everything but I don't really have an end goal here so there's a lot of wiggle room :D

Chapter 3: u/gingeraled42 - comment history

Chapter Notes

pls don't look at the timeline too deeply on this one ❤️

format for this chapter stolen lovingly from the iconic IT: Chapter Two fic, I killed a clown. AMA! by liesmyth

u/gingeraled42

SORT • NEW

OVERVIEW POSTS COMMENTS

 

gingeraled42 commented on [UPDATE] How can I [25M] support my partner [25M] more? His father just died. · r/relationshipadvice · posted by u/gingeraled42

gingeraled42 ⋅ OP 2.6k points · 1 day ago

No, I’m not going to give a full run down of my “relationship timeline”. My friends don’t even know we’re involved with each other. Why would I tell random strangers on the internet first?

 

gingeraled42 commented on AITA - I breastfed in front of a male friend and now my husband is upset · r/AITAH · posted by u/TA_tirednewmom

gingeraled42 371 points · 3 days ago

NTA, my friend's wife has always breastfed around me and its not a big deal. You're feeding your child so she doesn’t die of starvation. Does he care about that? 

He's being gross. If he can’t get over that, then he’s a loser and a shit parent.

 

gingeraled42 commented on Ilya Rozanov officially put on bereavement leave, will return to play soon, statement from Boston says · r/hockeynews · posted by u/iknowpuckall

gingeraled42 1.2k points · 4 days ago

I don’t know why you’re being a dick about this. I’m sure Rozanov would rather be playing than dealing with his parent dying. 

The Raiders will be fine until he can make it back, but he shouldn’t rush it just to make sure they stay ahead in the scoring race. Do you hear yourself right now?

 

gingeraled42 commented on Does hockey have a race problem? Compared to the other big games, there is a notable lack of players of color · r/sports · posted by u/MyFavoriteTacoStandIs

gingeraled42 25 points · 7 days ago

I’ve been keeping up with hockey my whole life, and I don’t think I could name enough non-white players to make a single team. Vaughn, Boiziau, Boodram, Hollander, and that guy who lasted like two seasons, Fuller or something. That’s only five. It’s ridiculous.

 

gingeraled42 commented on Caught two of my puppies cuddling today · r/cuteanimals · posted by u/iluvdogsmorethanpeople

gingeraled42 54 points · 9 days ago

My partner sent this to me saying “this could be us”. What does he even mean by that? We don’t cuddle. 

They are really cute, though. Sorry to be off topic.

 

gingeraled42 commented on What do we think boys? Before and After taking your advice · r/malelivingspace · posted by u/freak4businessmajors

gingeraled42 691 points · 12 days ago

I can see a lot of improvement but I still don’t understand why you need three televisions in your bedroom, man.

 

gingeraled42 commented on How can I show my fuckbuddy I’m interested in a relationship? · r/askgaybros · posted by u/gingeraled42

gingeraled42 ⋅ OP 1.2k points · 15 days ago

We’ve been hooking up for a long time and we’ve never talked about our feelings. I really like him, though. I can’t keep pretending I don’t. 

 

gingeraled42 commented on MOAR PILLOWS!!!!! · r/interiordesign · posted by u/stantxtforclearskin

gingeraled42 138 points · 16 days ago

The way you set it up looks great. I like that you have them in descending size order.

Also I totally agree with you. What’s wrong with having a lot of pillows? My partner thinks I’m crazy but I just like to be comfortable. 

 

gingeraled42 commented on Made this table myself, do you think it fits in this spot? · r/interiordesign · posted by u/isdestielcanonyet

gingeraled42 62 points · 16 days ago

I’m not sure it fits color wise, sorry. It’s a bit too light compared to all of the other darker furniture. But I think it’s a really cool table either way. Do you sell?

 

gingeraled42 commented on My husband’s indoor gym, amateur designing but I like it · r/interiordesign · posted by u/pizza4president

gingeraled42 54 points · 16 days ago

No, he’s got enough space between the machines that they shouldn’t bump together. Trust me, I’ve been in way more cramped gyms before. This is pretty good.

 

gingeraled42 commented on Sunrise from Monday morning · r/ottawa · posted by u/Constant_Turbo_Apple31

gingeraled42 12 points · 25 days ago

Beautiful. Makes me miss the city even more. I should really go visit again.

 

gingeraled42 commented on My girlfriend just told me I’m gay. · r/gaybros · posted by u/gingeraled42

gingeraled42 ⋅ OP 387 points · 29 days ago

Yeah, I’m really fucking embarrassed. Like I said, she was nice about it, but that kind of makes it worse. It would be easier if she hated me. Part of me feels like I used her, but I really thought I was bisexual or something. That I liked girls, and my attraction to men was just a fluke or just the one guy. I don’t know. Kind of just want to hide forever now.

 

gingeraled42 commented on Tenant left the apartment completely trashed · r/realestate · posted by u/kevonreddit

gingeraled42 324 points · 32 days ago

Holy shit. This makes me very glad that I haven’t rented out any of my properties yet…

 

gingeraled42 commented on Is it supposed to hurt when you bottom? · r/askgaybros · posted by u/throwawayrllyembarrassed

gingeraled42 464 points · 40 days ago

Of course it’ll hurt a bit, but what you’re saying sounds like it’s a lot more than normal. I don’t know if you need to use more lube, or if your top needs to be giving you way more prep, or if he’s just an asshole. 

No, he’s definitely an asshole, actually. If you’re hurting in the middle of sex and you tell him, and he says “just let me finish I’m almost there”? My partner would never do that. It’s fucked up.

Do you ever try it yourself? It doesn’t feel as good, like, pleasure wise, but maybe it’s better to experiment that way and see what the problem is. 

 

gingeraled42 commented on Hollander v Rozanov: Where do you stand in this epic rivalry? · r/hockeynews · posted by u/mostnormalshaydenshipper

gingeraled42 3.2k points · 128 days ago

Sorry, I thought everyone knew Hollander is the best so I didn’t need to spell it out. Clearly I should have since you think Rozanov is “ten times better”. How’s your brain damage treating you? 

Chapter 4: r/gaybros - My girlfriend just told me I’m gay.

Chapter Notes

this is for ao3 user secondhandsunlight who asked to see this post!

it's uhhhh not very fun, though? this is more of a 'Shane's autism vs internet assholes' chapter SO, I will be posting another chapter shortly that'll be a bit more lighthearted

apologies to r/gaybros, I'm sure you're much nicer than this irl

See the end of the chapter for more notes

▲      r/gaybros - Posted by u/gingeraled42 29 days ago

442    My girlfriend just told me I’m gay.

  ▽      I don’t even know if this is the right place to post this, but there’s no one I can talk to about this in my real life. 

She asked me out on a date for last night and when we sat down, she started talking about her friend who apparently has a crush on me. He’s gay, and we talked about it. She kept looking at me like she was trying to read my reaction? Then she brought up my job and asked if there were any openly gay people in my field. She said it felt like I’d rather be kissing her friend rather than her, and that we shouldn’t keep trying to fit if we’re not going to. She didn’t outright say “you’re gay” but she didn’t have to. It was probably obvious by that point.

I guess we’re broken up. She was so nice about the whole thing. She still wants to be friends, but I feel so fucking stupid. I just wanted to be normal. This was my chance to be normal.

           ⌨ 321 Comments   ➦ Share     ☒ Save    ⊘ Hide    ⍰ Report

 

nightcrawling1738 ⋅ 29 days ago

Well was she right? To be honest this post is not giving me good vibes. Like, this is giving gay but homophobic.

△ 523 ▽ ⌨ Reply  Share  Report  Save  Follow

skellyonfire ⋅ 29 days ago

Yeah, OP you know you’re not supposed to call straight “normal” right? Implying that being gay/bi/queer is NOT normal? 

△ 409 ▽ ⌨ Reply  Share  Report  Save  Follow

gingeraled42 ⋅ OP ⋅ 29 days ago

I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it like that. I don’t think being queer is abnormal. Her friend is a nice guy.

It’s just me. I’m not in a place where I can be gay. There’s a hundred reasons why it’s a terrible idea. But yes, she was right. I think I am.

△ 120 ▽ ⌨ Reply  Share  Report  Save  Follow

skellyonfire ⋅ 29 days ago

Okay, bud. Second lesson is that we don’t make it sound like being gay is a choice

△ 251 ▽ ⌨ Reply  Share  Report  Save  Follow

gingeraled42 ⋅ OP ⋅ 29 days ago

Fuck off, I obviously know it’s not a choice, do you think I would’ve chosen this if I had the option?

△ -186 ▽ ⌨ Reply  Share  Report  Save  Follow

 

landryismylife ⋅ 29 days ago

what do you mean your “chance to be normal”? were you dating her even though you knew you were gay?

△ 579 ▽ ⌨ Reply  Share  Report  Save  Follow

gingeraled42 ⋅ OP ⋅ 29 days ago

I didn’t know I was gay. I thought I was bisexual.  

△ 14 ▽ ⌨ Reply  Share  Report  Save  Follow

landryismylife ⋅ 29 days ago

ok, and my first question?  

△ 438 ▽ ⌨ Reply  Share  Report  Save  Follow

gingeraled42 ⋅ OP ⋅ 29 days ago

It’s a long story. I needed to prove to myself that I could be happy with someone my parents would approve of, that my friends and coworkers would approve of. And that I wasn’t in too deep with someone else.

△ -421 ▽ ⌨ Reply  Share  Report  Save  Follow

landryismylife ⋅ 29 days ago

so if we read between the lines, you either cheated on ‘someone else’ (a guy?) or you strung this girl along on a comphet prayer, or both. now you’ve been dumped, rightfully so, and are coming here crying about it, all just to impress the people in your life. ik this is r/gaybros but i don’t care, YTA  

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gingeraled42 ⋅ OP ⋅ 29 days ago

What are you talking about?? I’m not crying about it. I didn’t cheat on anyone, and I didn’t mean to string her along. I really thought I could learn to love her. 

△ -162 ▽ ⌨ Reply  Share  Report  Save  Follow

 

detroitcruse ⋅ 29 days ago

I saw in another comment you thought you were bi… unfortunately common. I went through the same thing :( I really liked girls and I thought that was the same thing as wanting to have sex and a life with them. Clearly not!

But the girlfriend I had at the time was not that kind. I can still remember the things she said to me and it’s been twenty years. I’m glad yours was better. Still, how scary! How are you holding up?

△ 579 ▽ ⌨ Reply  Share  Report  Save  Follow

gingeraled42 ⋅ OP ⋅ 29 days ago

I’m really fucking embarrassed. Like I said, she was nice about it, but that kind of makes it worse. It would be easier if she hated me. Part of me feels like I used her, but I really thought I was bisexual or something. That I liked girls, and my attraction to men was just a fluke or just the one guy. I don’t know. Kind of just want to hide forever now.

△ 387 ▽ ⌨ Reply  Share  Report  Save  Follow

yuppiepuppy ⋅ 29 days ago

What made you think you were bisexual? You’re really giving us no details here. 

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gingeraled42 ⋅ OP ⋅ 29 days ago

I know it’s stupid, but I’ve only ever met one person who was like me. He’s bisexual, or at least I think so, and I thought we were the same. He kept telling me he likes girls and asking if I’ve ever been with any, if I like them too. I guess I had to prove it to myself that I was “normal” like him (I know this is not the right word, but I don’t have a better one)

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yuppiepuppy ⋅ 29 days ago

So, what, you think every gay person is actually bisexual and vice versa?

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gingeraled42 ⋅ OP ⋅ 29 days ago

When the fuck did I say that. Oh my god. I was talking about myself. I don’t know what other people are and I don’t care

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flowerchild987349 ⋅ 29 days ago

I’m going to try to be nicer than a lot of the other commenters in this thread. To me, you don’t sound homophobic, OP, but like you’re panicking. Is she going to out you? Are you in danger if she does? 

Look, I don’t know what your situation is, but when I was figuring out my sexuality I had a lot of setbacks. I said the same shit and probably a lot worse too. My only advice to you is to stop using terms like ‘stupid’ ‘fluke’ and ‘normal’ because they get you nowhere. 

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gingeraled42 ⋅ OP ⋅ 29 days ago

Thanks.

She’s not going to out me, she told me she won’t tell anyone. I’m not in danger with her knowing, but if other people in my life knew… I don’t know. It wouldn’t go well. I don’t think anyone would hurt me but it could seriously fuck my life up to be out. 

No one else knows that I like guys, except the one I’ve slept with, so I don’t know what to think or do. 

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flowerchild987349 ⋅ 29 days ago

Don’t put yourself in danger just to be out. Take a breath, and don’t make any big decisions until you’ve calmed down some. Just because one person knows doesn’t mean the world has ended. 

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greeneyedmonster ⋅ 29 days ago

Lol so OP is being homophobic in the post and comments but it’s fine because he’s gay??? Seriously??

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gingeraled42 ⋅ OP ⋅ 29 days ago

I’m not fucking homophobic. 

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jiminsleftelbow ⋅ 1 day ago

Holy shit OP you were fighting for your life in these comments

Guys he can’t be homophobic, he’s the fuckbuddy-slash-boyfriend of all time!!!!

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Chapter End Notes

as always let me know if there's anything you'd like to see!

Chapter 5: r/askgaybros - How can I show my fuckbuddy I’m interested in a relationship? 

Chapter Notes

I have been informed r/gaybros and r/askgaybros are not as nice as I assumed LMAOOOO so this chapter is a little less lighthearted than originally intended dksjfhsdkjah

See the end of the chapter for more notes

▲      r/askgaybros - Posted by u/gingeraled42 15 days ago

4k    How can I show my fuckbuddy I’m interested in a relationship? 

 ▽    What it says on the title. 

EDIT: People asked for context. We’re both M20s, and we have been seeing each other for years. We don’t see each other often but we will soon, and I want to tell him I have feelings for him but I’m not sure how. I’m going to tell him I’m gay, but what else can I do? Thank you to everyone who has commented.

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lilnassaveslives ⋅ 15 days ago

You don’t. You suffer alone in silence and get good pipe for as long as he’ll give it to you

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gingeraled42 ⋅ OP ⋅ 15 days ago

I tried that already, it didn’t work. 

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ApplePinecone ⋅ 15 days ago

Absolutely no context, I love it. Have you considered alcoholism?

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gingeraled42 ⋅ OP ⋅ 15 days ago

Why would alcoholism help me figure out what to say to him? I don’t drink, so he’ll know something is up if I do.

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puta_spell_onyou ⋅ 15 days ago

somehow coming to r/askgaybros is not the worst decision being made here lmao. how sure are you that you even like him? have you talked about it before? how sure are you this isn’t going to implode?

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gingeraled42 ⋅ OP ⋅ 15 days ago

We’ve been hooking up for a long time and we’ve never talked about our feelings. I really like him, though. I can’t keep pretending I don’t.

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Elder-Gay-Godfather⋅ 15 days ago

The unfortunate reality is that you know him best. Would he prefer a text, a phone call, a conversation in person? Should it be more serious or more lighthearted? Before or after sex? (Let me advise on this one, do it BEFORE you have sex.) 

And … are you sure he’ll reciprocate? Because I’ve seen this situation crash and burn a thousand times. You think he likes you, but then you say it, and it all goes to hell.

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gingeraled42 ⋅ OP ⋅ 15 days ago

Of course it’s going to be before sex. We don’t have a great track record when it comes to talking after sex, anyway. And it definitely needs to be in person.

I’m not 100% sure but I have to say it anyway. Last time we were together, he said something that made me feel like he likes me. I got scared, but I’m not anymore. I just want him to know how I feel, he doesn’t need to say it back.

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Elder-Gay-Godfather ⋅ 15 days ago

Oh, you sweet summer child. I hope for your sake you’re right.

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readmorebooks897 ⋅ 15 days ago

>be me, a guy
>sleeping with another man for years
>going to tell him I’m gay
>???
>profit

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NewSnailBoy ⋅ 15 days ago

I love coming to this sub and reading posts like this, because it reminds me that there will ALWAYS be someone more messy than me walking around. Where are you located so I can avoid you?

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chasethefate ⋅ 15 days ago

just ghost him

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gingeraled42 ⋅ OP ⋅ 15 days ago

How is this supposed to help me connect with him?

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chasethefate ⋅ 15 days ago

its not, you’re too dickmatized to think clearly. i’m trying to be your voice of reason dude

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pm_me_manifestos ⋅ 15 days ago

Wow none of these motherfuckers are going to give you any advice are they? I haven’t been in this exact situation but here’s my two cents

  1. Figure out how you want to say it. Are you going to come right out and tell him? Try to ease him into it? Some other third option? Go in with a plan of attack!!
  2. Do it in a place that both of you can get out of easily. No offense but this sounds like a clown show waiting to happen, and if he says he’s not interested, one or both of you need to be able to get away immediately if necessary
  3. Prepare yourself for him to not be interested. Now I do think it’s insane to be in a situationship for years, and maybe that indicates he likes you too, but DON’T GET YOUR HOPES UP!!!! And if he says no then he says no, and you need to deal with that. Remove yourself from the situation if you have to. 
  4. Break it off if he’s not interested. There is NO reason to continue. You will both be hurt and it’s NOT worth it!!!!
  5. If he is interested, then… great I guess? Date him. Be free of the shackles of casual sex.

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gingeraled42 ⋅ OP ⋅ 15 days ago

Thank you. It will probably be a hotel room, so that’s pretty escapable, right?

If he’s not interested… I honestly don’t know what I’ll do. We can’t really avoid each other. We’re already broken off right now too, sort of anyway, so I guess we would just keep it this way. 

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bluismyfavecolor ⋅ 15 days ago

lol this guy thinks casual sex is bad 

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beta-and-proud ⋅ 15 days ago

How long is years?

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gingeraled42 ⋅ OP ⋅ 15 days ago

It’s hard to say exactly, but seven. 

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beta-and-proud ⋅ 15 days ago

And you’re both in your twenties?? I hope this isn’t the only guy you’ve slept with

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gingeraled42 ⋅ OP ⋅ 15 days ago

What’s wrong with him being the only one? 

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beta-and-proud ⋅ 15 days ago

You really need to shop around some more, there’s so much good dick out there I promise. Don’t settle for the guy that’s strung you along for SEVEN YEARS holy shit

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gingeraled42 ⋅ OP ⋅ 15 days ago

There’s so much wrong with this comment I don’t know where to start. I’m not settling, he’s the most attractive guy I’ve ever seen, and he’s really not a bad guy at all. This situation is just as much my fault as his, so neither of us has been strung along. And don’t say “shop around” that’s gross.

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beta-and-proud ⋅ 15 days ago

Wow you’re in deep. Don’t come back crying when he breaks your heart, man 

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Chapter End Notes

this is the second of the two posts shane wrote in the comment history chapter, so we'll go back to present time after this!!

Afterword

End Notes

thank you for reading!! if you want to leave a comment but aren't sure what to say, you can drop a 💻 emoji as a second kudos <3

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