Rating:

Mature

Archive Warning:

No Archive Warnings Apply

Category:

M/M

Fandom:

Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid

Relationships:

Luca Haas/Original Male Character(s), Shane Hollander/Ilya Rozanov, Troy Barrett/Harris Drover, Luca Haas & Ilya Rozanov

Characters:

Luca Haas, Ilya Rozanov, Shane Hollander, Troy Barrett, Harris Drover, Zane Boodram, Evan Dykstra, Wyatt Hayes, LaPointe (Game Changers), Young (Game Changers), Ottawa Centaurs Team Ensemble (Game Changers), Scott Hunter (Game Changers), Kip Grady, Eric Bennett, Kyle Swift, Ryan Price (Game Changers)

Additional Tags:

Texting, Social Media, Humor, Fluff and Humor, Meta, Mentioned Infidelity, spoiler: no actual infidelity!!, Recreational Drug Use, Threesome - M/M/M, (this is a texting fic so you don't actually see the threesome but it's discussed lol), basically I booked luca haas a one way ticket away from infantilization station whether he likes it or not, Las Vegas, Crack Treated Seriously, Choking

Language:

English

Series:

Part 5 of the secret society of stick handlers

Stats:

Published: 2026-01-31 Words: 10,624 Chapters: 1/1

and three's a crowd

Summary

Luca: Everyone should be celebrating right now, not worrying about me. I’m so sorry
Ilya: You're giving us more to celebrate! What is the point of us all coming out if you can’t bottom for two hot men?
Luca: I’m not sure how to answer that

In which Luca's Stanley Cup celebrations go viral thanks to TMZ and some poorly framed photos. Luckily (and at times mortifyingly), he has all the queer NHL stars who came before him in his corner.

Notes

And we’re back! This one includes little references to earlier fics in this series as they do exist on a (slightly vague) chronological timeline. I think they make the most sense in order but as Ilya said in part 2, it’s a free country and you can do what you want

The most necessary context is that this series includes Archie, an OC model boyfriend for Luca Haas because he deserves to be GAY and IN LOVE even if his book was ultimately scrapped!!

NHL’s Gay Golden Boy Gone Wild!!!

By TMZ Staff

Look out Ilya Rozanov! The NHL has a new prodigy turned party boy.

Fresh off his game-winning goal that clinched the Ottawa Centaurs its first Stanley Cup win in decades, 23-year-old Luca Haas was caught enjoying a night of drugs, dancing, and debauchery.

Haas, originally from Zurich, Switzerland, came out as gay last fall after we spotted him getting cozy with male model Archibald Simmons. 

Simmons attended game 6 of the Stanley Cup finals at the Verizon Wireless arena in Las Vegas last night, where Haas brought the score to 4-3, flaying the Las Vegas Swordfish. Before his team hoisted the Cup, Haas was awarded this year’s Conn Smythe Trophy for playoff MVP.

“pretty sure he’s the cutest Stanley Cup champion in history but perhaps I’m biased” Simmons wrote on Instagram beneath an adorable photo of him and Haas embracing on the ice.

Only a few short hours later, Haas was caught getting hot and heavy at the gay nightclub Roost with none other than The X Squad’s Preston Sterling.

Sterling, a 22-year-old actor, is a close personal friend of Simmons and the three were spotted having lunch together just last month. Yikes!

Sources close to Simmons report that he's "devastated", though ultimately unsurprised as "tension between the two has been building for months."

"They're at a stalemate," one source confessed. "Luca can't leave Ottawa and Archibald can't leave LA, so they're trapped in long distance purgatory. I wouldn't be shocked if he's been cheating on Archibald for months."

As shown in the photos below, Haas was spotted grinding on, making out with, and even smoking marijuana alongside Sterling.

Simmons is notably absent from the photos. One person at the club last night told us that he was "crying in the bathroom all night", something that Haas laughed about with Sterling, going so far as to call Simmons a "buzzkill". 

Here’s hoping his captain’s restrained husband Shane Hollander can get the kid in line before more hearts get broken.

Related articles:

“Coked Out and Dangerous”: Fabian Salah’s Terrifying Boyfriend

NHL star Patrice Drapeau’s Blindside Divorce “he never saw coming”!!!

Rose Landry’s Steamy Affair with Ilya Rozanov (Hollander “devastated”!!!) 

Tatum @tatumc3ns

If you asked me to guess which NHL player would be exposed cheating this season, I never in a million years would have said…this

kai @hausofhaas

Wait what? What happened?

Tatum @tatumc3ns

oh bestie I’m about to break your whole heart...

kai @hausofhaas

I’m pretty shocked right now. Just doesn’t sound like Luca. I’ll wait to hear the whole story but idk it’s not looking good :(

Selena @thathockeygirl17

It’s TMZ. I don’t trust this “news” as far as I can throw it

archie lovers only @simmonssays

Okay but there’s photos? Do you not trust your eyes??? 

dove ‹𝟹 @rozsbeartattoo

“Step aside Ilya Rozanov” was brutal lmfao they said “go home and rail your husband old man”

Archie Simmons Army @archiesarmy

LUCA HAAS HOW DARE YOU CHEAT ON THE CUTEST BEST MOST ADORABLE SMALL BEAN IN THE WORLD? I knew this would happen when he started dating an ATHLETE. Ugh!!

anna @dontgoarchibald

Yeah this sucks but like the article said, it’s unsurprising. I looked him up when he started dating Archie and Haas IDOLIZES this dude Romanov who apparently has slept with every woman in Boston. Our poor boy :(

⁸¹ Winona @winonar3ads4

Romanov? 😭I think ur mixing up ur kings babe

Barry W. @barrywilliams1234

Once again, the Centaurs turn hockey into a gay sideshow. They should be punished for this

Jake @croissantsncups

Bro punished for what? If cheating on your partner was a suspension worthy offense, the ice would be half empty

kj ²⁴ @kyliebluejeans

If I had a nickel for every time a gay superhero and an NHL star on the Centaurs were involved in a cheating scandal, I’d have two nickels. Which isn’t a lot, but it’s weird that it’s happened twice

x squad brainrot @crimsonandlace

I don’t think my x squad oomfs understand how wild this is. Like Luca Haas is known for being the Baby of the centaurs. Every PR vid he’s in is just him blushing and apologizing 

mel @melissaplays34

Yeah I honestly didn’t believe it til I saw the pictures. As a matter of fact I still don’t believe it, like LUCA? LUCA BABYGIRL HAAS A CHEATER??

Sage @outofthyme

I don't feel like it's the whole story because I find it hard to believe that anyone, let alone Luca "sweetie pie" Haas would cheat on their boyfriend and then bully him for crying about it ??? like deranged behavior if true lmao

Jill @gingeralencoke

“Even smoking marijuana!” was this article written in 1992

bebe “is smart and right” @moony4hollanov

I realize now is definitely not the time…but daaamn the centaurs can PUUUULL

Dawn @breakofdawn24

Thank u for being crass enough to say it so I didn’t have to. Like wtf is in the water in Ottawa, how come every tabloid about this team is like “hockey bro sleeps with the hottest person you’ve ever seen in your life” 

Adrian Dela Cruz ✔️ @adriandelacruz

When my feature film LEAVE IT ON THE ICE gave viewers a raw, unflinching look at infidelity in the hockey world, people said it was homophobic. Funny how life imitates art…

lynn 🐝 troy barrett cup winner @barrettsbiceps

Oh I KNOW the original NHL gay cheater isn’t talking right now. Get offline and go touch up your clown makeup 

greyson ₊˚｡ ❆ @m0therpuck3r17

Yes Adrian, because you played a bi man who cheats on his partner with multiple women, even while said partner is DYING OF PANCREATIC CANCER

Chiron's Third Dad @centaurtrashh

?? literally wtf is this movie 

Mads @madaline_centaurs1

Can’t believe last night we were crying over 3 gay couples celebrating on the ice and now this :’(

STANLEY CUP CHAMPIOJSSNS

Bood: Good morning, this is a proof of life check. How are you and where are you? Full sentence responses required from EVERYONE

Ilya: Shane and I are good. We are in bed

Dykstra: TMI

Shane: He asked where we are

Shane: I’m doing well. I’m in bed with Ilya

Wyatt: We got that

Holmberg: im fucxeen

Bood: Try again buddy

Wyatt: Lisa and I are out at brunch. Have you guys seen this stuff going around about the kid?

LaPointe: im in a suite w young, bergy, and bergy’s wife

Wyatt: BERGY’S WIFE?

Holmberg: my wha

Bood: What the fuck happened last night?

Chouinard: I’m fine. At the free hotel breakfast

Ilya: I will buy you breakfast, do not eat that the day after we win the Stanley Cup. Disgusting.

Chouinard: I like the waffles

Ilya: Has anyone heard from Luca?

Wyatt: No but is it true?! Did he really cheat on Archie last night?

LaPointe: wait WHAT?

Dykstra: holy shit

Shane: Let’s not jump to conclusions guys

LaPointe: I just looked it up wtf…these pictures are pretty damning…

Young: Luca smokes weed?

Dykstra: That’s so irrelevant right now

Troy: Harris hasn’t been able to get in touch with him. He’s not in his room

Shane: I think Archie said they got a room at the Four Seasons. Or the Ritz? Does anyone remember?

Bood: Shit I don’t know 

Dykstra: Would he still be with Archie though? 

Ilya: Children and Barrett, were you at this gay club with him? 

Dykstra: Hey I could be at the club too!

Ilya: Were you? 

Dykstra: No

Troy: No, Harris and I left an hour or so after you guys

Young: nah, Luca headed there after the 4th club I think. We split off for Bergy’s wedding

Holmberg: did I actually get married?

LaPointe: [image attached, tap to download]

Holmberg: fuuuck

Holmberg: i need to call my mom

Dykstra: Your wife looks nice. Who is she?

Chouinard: congrats Bergy

Wyatt: aww a good ole fashioned Elvis impersonator 

Ilya: So you let Luca leave alone?

LaPointe: he was with Archie and that Preston dude. They seemed chill 

Ilya: I see

Ilya: Okay no worries. They had a threesome

Bood: What?

Troy: Did he tell you that?

Ilya: No. He is not answering my calls. Is obvious 

Dykstra: But the article had proof…

Ilya: TMZ has nothing. They lie about me all the time

Ilya: They say I am cheating on Shane once a month

Young: there’s photos tho

Young: he’s like swallowing that Preston dude’s tongue

Ilya: Archie was probably watching

Ilya: These "sources" are obviously lying. No one calls him Archibald

Young: hmmm

LaPointe: u can’t just like write fanfiction about what Haasy was doing

Ilya: Why not? TMZ is

Bood: Let’s wait to hear the story from him. In the meantime, eat, hydrate. And don’t forget to come to team dinner for those of you who aren’t flying home this afternoon! 

Dykstra: Holmberg, bring your wife so we can meet her

Holmberg: oh god 

WAGs and Proud 🏳️‍🌈

Kip: Hey Archie are you okay?

Archie: i am so fuckindf hungover

Kyle: Have you been online yet today?

Archie: ugh yes

Archie: coffee dekibeert near me

Archie: sorry I meant to google that

Harris: I can bring you some coffee and we can talk if you want. What room are you in?

Archie: we’re at the four seasons but Ty!!

Archie: I’ll be fine. worried about Luca tho. he’s sleeping so peacefully rn and I know he’s gonna freak when he sees this. ugh :( 

Kip: …you’re with Luca? Still?

Archie: yea? 

Kip: I don’t want to tell you how to live your life but do you think maybe it’s a bad idea to stay with the guy who very publicly cheated on you last night?

Archie: oh!! sorry my brain’s a dishwasher

Archie: no that’s nothing. I mean garbage disposal

Archie: he didn’t cheat on me, we had a threesome lol

Kip: I just audibly exhaled so loudly that I nearly blew Scott’s crossword puzzle across the room 

Kyle: !!! Well damn, get it Archie

Archie: lol thanks

Harris: I’m so glad to hear this you don’t even know

Archie: wait did you all really think he cheated on me?

Archie: those sources were all nonsense. and I think they just took those pics when I was at the bar getting more drinks. or photoshopped me out??

Ilya: I didn’t. I knew you had a threesome

Harris: Of course you did

Kyle: See that was my first thought because my early twenties were like 60% threesomes but Eric was getting in my head telling me shit like “the cup changes people”

Kip: omg Scott said the same thing! So ominous

Kyle: Yeah, Eric told me this boring story about some guy who was super closeted and then he won the cup and suddenly had the courage to come out?

Ilya: HA

Kip: …I know where you live Kyle Swift

Shane: They’re not wrong. A lot of guys go kinda wild on Cup nights. But Luca’s got a good head on his shoulders

Ilya: Yes. He gets lots of good head

Kyle: That’s not the only good head he got last night

Kyle: Jinx!

Ilya: Hey!

Kip: You two in one group chat is dangerous

Kip: But I’m very glad Luca is a “spontaneous threesome and a spot of weed” gone wild and not  “blatant infidelity” gone wild

Archie: I mean it wasn’t spontaneous and he smokes all the time

Archie: but yeah!!

Harris: He does?

Fabian: Wait like it was scheduled in advance? (also hi guys huge congrats on the win!!)

Ilya: Fabian!!

Fabian: I came to make sure Archie was okay and it seems he very much is lol

Archie: I shouldn’t talk about any of this, sorry, my brain’s scrambled and also weighed down by 10 tons of lead

Shane: What do you mean you shouldn’t talk about it?

Archie: Luca is different around you guys. I mean not different but like. professional

Ilya: Why? No hockey player acts professional at work 

Kip: Scott does

Harris: Troy does. And so does your husband when you’re not feeling him up

Ilya: They are boring. Luca is interesting

Kyle: Apparently very interesting 👀

Ilya: Yes! What other secrets is he hiding?

Archie: 🤐

Archie: okay i should really wake him up huh?

Harris: Please do. Do you want me to stop by to talk options?

Ilya: Shane and I can come too, we’re also at the four seasons. We will bring bagels

Kip: Ew please don’t eat Vegas bagels

Kyle: now is so not the time Kip

Archie: omg no please don’t come. I think Luca will hyperventilate and die if he has to see any of you face to face right now and I for one would hate that

Archie: ugh fuck i gotta kick Preston out actually

Kyle: Oh no???

Kip: Yeah now that I know you were consensually sandwiched between a movie star and a Stanley cup champion, I’ve lost most sympathy 

Harris: We’re still very much in PR crisis mode

Kip: I said most!

Archie: Luca. Please. It’s gonna be okay

Archie: Just open the door

Archie: or at least tell me you’re not drowning yourself in the bathtub

Luca: That is a good idea

Archie: it’s gonna be okay baby

Luca: What was I thinking?

Archie: that you’re a Stanley cup fucking champion now and you deserve to be railed by 2 hot men?

Luca: Well, yes

Luca: I shouldn’t have kissed him in public though!

Archie: You were drunk. And you were celebrating

Archie: You’re allowed to celebrate!

Archie: Oh honey are you crying? Please let me in

Luca: I’m not crying. I am sniffling

Archie: that’s a Luca Haas cry :(

Archie: okay tell me what your absolute worst fear is here

Luca: Harris makes me post that I had a threesome and then my grandmother sees it and has a heart attack and dies and then my mother resents me because she lost her mother and then my sisters slowly drift apart and my brother blames you for my fractured family so he flies to America to kill you

Archie: jesus christ Luca

Luca: But what is the alternative? Everyone thinks I cheated on you?

Luca: I would never do that :(

Archie: I know baby

Archie: And Ilya knows! If that helps. He figured it out before I even told the boys

Luca: He did? 

Archie: yeah!!

Luca: Ilya is very smart

Luca: Most people are stupid

Luca: and even if they are smart, it looks like I cheated on you!

Luca: I can’t decide if it would be better or worse if they included you eye fucking me in the shot

Archie: I don’t know. I’m not sure it matters

Archie: this is the reality and I’m living in it with you until we move past it

Archie: and once we move past it, you’ll still be a Stanley cup champion who got demolished by a model and an actor at the same time

Luca: A very hot, very sweet model

Luca: Wait is Preston okay?

Archie: Oh he’s great! This is good press for him

Luca: Hollywood is very different from hockey

Archie: yeah, pretty much

Archie: he’s worried about you though!!

Luca: He’s a good friend

Luca: and I’m not just saying that because he rimmed me til I cried last night

Archie: I know. Now are you gonna come out so I can hug you and then rim you til you cry again?

Luca: I think it would happen for the wrong reasons. My ass is very very raw

Archie: Fine I’ll fuck your mouth then

Luca: My throat is also raw…

Archie: jesus we did a number on you

Luca: Worth it.

Archie: you fuck my mouth and then I’ll make you some tea? 

Luca: Yes okay, good plan

The Secret Society of Stick Handlers

Baldwin: I’ll be honest boys…I don’t know if we can hashtag our way out of this one

Lundin: ???

Baldwin: TMZ: NHL’s Gay Golden Boy Gone Wild!!!

Lundin: fuuuck

Lundin: wait LuCA?

Lundin: Before I clicked that I assumed it was about Scott

Baldwin: Not sure Scott qualifies as a boy

Ilya: Scott thinks putting brown sugar in his oatmeal is going wild

Scott: Hey!! I put jam in my oatmeal all the time

Eric: I’m not sure that’s the defense you think it is 

Lundin: Damn though. This sucks

Ilya: Luca is not a cheater. He had a threesome

Troy: Are we supposed to be telling people that?

Ilya: Why wouldn't we? Is great news!

Eric: Some people would be embarrassed by having a threesome

Ilya: What? Why?

Ilya: Used to be a Tuesday for me

Baldwin: So Tuesday, threesome. Wednesday, fuck your sworn rival. Thursday another threesome?

Ilya: Yes, basically 

Lundin: I think you must have 48 hours in a day

Luca: It’s fine to say here, yes. Just please don’t share it publicly while I figure things out. Thank you 

Ilya: Luca!!!!

Luca: Okay, goodbye.

Scott: Are you okay?

Troy: Luca, call Harris when you can

Ilya: Nooo come back!! 

Lundin: Ominous even after a god tier threesome. Gotta respect it

Baldwin: Barrett, you should probably tell your ex to shut the fuck up 

Troy: Not sure he’d listen to me. And I blocked him after he propositioned me

Eric: Wait what?

Baldwin: Damn, that article was right. You guys are like a gay episode of degrassi 

Lundin: Aren’t all episodes of degrassi gay?

Ryan: Hi. Sorry I didn’t text sooner, congratulations 🎊

Ilya: Wow, I didn’t expect this from you Price, but yes, we should all congratulate Luca!

Baldwin: Congrats Luca! Hope all your holes are so full

Troy: Ew

Ryan: What?

Ryan: Oh no

Ryan: I just scrolled. I meant congratulations on the cup. I’m so sorry. I just texted Wyatt last night and forgot to message here before I went to bed

Ryan: I’m sorry Luca. This seems like a stressful situation to be in.

Baldwin: Yeah maybe we need a hashtag after all! #ThrilledWithThreesomes

Scott: Please for the love of god don’t post that

Lundin: #AndLucaMakesThree

Ilya: #JustATuesday

Shane: #ThreesCompany

Baldwin: I can’t believe Hollander participated

Ilya: He is in a good mood after his own threesome

Lundin: WHAT?

Ilya: With me and the Stanley Cup of course

Shane: Three’s company is right, I’m leaving you for the cup

Ilya: Noooo

Ilya: Hi Luca. Text or call me when you see this okay? You’re not in trouble, I just want to know how you’re doing

Luca: Hi

Luca: Sorry. I have a lot of messages and I’m not sure where to start

Ilya: Start here. Do you want me to call? 

Luca: No please I am not sure I can handle a phone call about this

Luca: Wait are you okay to text? Or no? 

Ilya: Text is fine. Whatever you need

Ilya: How are you?

Luca: Overwhelmed mostly. I’m not sure how to fix this.

Ilya: There is nothing to fix. You did nothing wrong

Luca: Everyone should be celebrating right now, not worrying about me. I’m so sorry

Ilya: You're giving us more to celebrate! What is the point of us all coming out if you can’t bottom for two hot men?

Luca: I’m not sure how to answer that

Luca: But I know there’s still not many gay players. And I should be a role model.

Ilya: No. You should be young and have fun

Ilya: I was your age when I won my first cup. All I wanted was to celebrate with Shane, but I couldn’t. I’m so happy that you can

Ilya: Celebrate with Archie, I mean. Shane has a strict no threesome rule

Luca: Okay?

Ilya: And your family is supportive, yes? 

Luca: Yes, they are. I’m taking Archie home next month

Luca: Oh no, I hope they still want to meet him

Ilya: They will. Your family is obsessed with you

Ilya: And Switzerland is safe for gay people, yes?

Luca: In Zurich, yes. Probably safer than a lot of places in North America these days

Ilya: Exactly. So you are safe. You are okay. You scored the game winning goal and you celebrated. That’s all

Luca: Okay…

Luca: But I’m still not sure what to do

Ilya: This is what we have Harris for

Luca: Oh poor Harris. He should be celebrating with Troy

Ilya: We will celebrate all summer! Everything is fine

Ilya: Not your fault this is news. I had a threesome the night I won my first cup too. No big deal

Luca: Really?

Ilya: Of course! Actually might have been a foursome. I can’t remember

Luca: Okay…

Ilya: This is all a misunderstanding. We will clear everything up, no problem

Ilya: Do you want me to talk to the team for you?

Luca: No, you’ve already done so much. I will message them after I eat something 

Ilya: Good, please eat. We’re all here for you Luca. You won us the cup! No one is mad at you and if they are, they will have to deal with me

Luca: Thank you

Luca: And I’m sorry you couldn’t celebrate with Shane back then

Ilya: You are too sweet. Everything worked out. We get to win together now. Means so much more

Ilya: And the sex when you both just won a Stanley Cup is amazing. Next level. You are an adult apparently so I can say this to you

Luca: I can’t believe I’m saying this but I think I miss when you treated me like a baby…

Ilya: Nonsense! Tell me all about this threesome. Was magical, yes?

Luca: I must go eat. Thank you Ilya

Ilya: We will swap threesome notes later!!! 

Cole @colebrightman1

Okay, I wasn’t gonna share these, they were gonna live and die on my close friends story, but I feel like it’s my gay civic duty. I was at Roost ln and from where I was standing, Luca Haas was NOT cheating on Archibald Simmons!!

Cole @colebrightman1

I was pretty shocked to see that story circulating, bc the three of them were allll up on each other all night. They came together, they grinded aggressively together, they smoked up, they left. See for yourself…

Cole @colebrightman1

Also got a v cute video of Archie and Luca talking :’) I wanted it just for the mems I swear but I will NOT let you guys slander this boy. He was so sweet and tipped the bartenders HEAVYYY

Cole @colebrightman1

He bumped into my friend at one point and spilled One singular drop of vodka on her then apologized like 7 times. He’s as much a sweetie pie as you’d expect and then some

Cole @colebrightman1

ALSO worth noting that other guys tried to dance up on Luca/Archie/Preston and they were nottt having it. So idk what’s going on between those 3 but it did seem consensual!

kai @hausofhaas

I think I’m gonna get motion sick from the roller coaster that is the last 48 hours

Willow @boodsdudesbbq

Tipped the bartenders, apologized to the girls, got frisky, got high, and dipped. Luca Haas you are my kinda man through and through

Claire @clairebear81

Luca Haas, Preston Sterling, and Archie Simmons is my new dream blunt rotation tbh

Jordan @twinkadjacent

Yes, as long as I’m the blunt they’re passing around 

Claire @clairebear81

FAIR

lucy ୨୧ @iluvluceey

Wait so Luca Haas beat both the cheating allegations AND the baby allegations? What a DAY!!

Chiron's Third Dad @centaurtrashh

Is someone able to lip read that video that’s just Luca and Archie talking? 🥺 Anyone? Please?

Briana @brianalipreads

I got you!!

Archie: (mouth covered by drink at the start) tattoo?

Luca: No that is so cliched. Birdy (?) is already getting married as we speak

Archie: Cliched is good I like cliched. Maybe I’ll get a cup tattoo

Briana @brianalipreads

Luca: (laughing a lot so I’m not sure about this part? He says something like not allowed?)

Archie: No, but you can

Luca: If I was going to get a tattoo it would be your name 

Archie: Okay no that’s too cliched baby

Briana @brianalipreads

Sorry I’m not super familiar with hockey so there may be inaccuracies from that alone lol

hattie 💕 @holmbergsgirl

Wait do we think he said BERGY is getting married?

steph @stephaknee2

Literally what the FUCK happened last night

for the gays @rozanovslapdog

Rozanov and Hollander dip out to bone post Stanley cup win and the young centaurs just lose their whole minds lmao

kip grady love bot @scottcunterr

2017: aww these 2 guys kissed on the ice after one of them won the cup!

2023: aww these 3 guys railed each other at a gay club after one of them won the cup!

cal @vaughnybaby

why am I crying THAT’S WHAT I CALL PROGRESS BABY

anya unofficial @hollanoveru

I just know Bradley Whitton has spent all day crying and shitting his pants lmfao 

Claire @clairebear81

?? Who?

anya unofficial @hollanoveru

The guy who wrote that article at the end of last year begging Luca to be a “good” gay role model

Claire @clairebear81

LMAO I forgot about that, you're so right. He and Roger Crowell are both probably about to announce their retirements. Just wait

anya unofficial @hollanoveru

If that happens, I’ll pull a Preston Sterling and kiss Luca Haas hard on the mouth 

madi (she/they) @dallaskenthateclub

I would hate being famous because what do you MEAN I can’t have a little freaky fun without it becoming Discourse

greyson ₊˚｡ ❆ @m0therpuck3r17

Okay but before ppl got weird he was having maybe the best day in human history. Dude won his team the cup, nabbed the Conn Smythe, then became a spit roast for a model & an actor. Do you think he wished on a star or was he just a saint in a past life 

Chiron's Third Dad @centaurtrashh

It’s Luca Haas. He’s a saint in this life  

Priya @admiralscellie

Scott Hunter walked so Luca Haas could pole vault over a tank of sharks while waving a pride flag

kai @hausofhaas

Luca saying he’d get a tattoo of Archie’s name…Archie calling him baby…we have never been more BACK

kj ²⁴ @kyliebluejeans

ur so sweet I was more focused on how possessively Luca grabs Archie’s ass in that video of the 3 of them lmao

kj ²⁴ @kyliebluejeans

…well yes that too

mal @ilyastoenailclippings

Luca Haas went to the Ilya Rozanov school of slutty lover boys and I for one love that for him

dean 🏒 @deanmachine

He had a different major though because Rozanov would rather swallow glass than let another man touch his husband lol

Linda @livelaughlinda

Threesomes? Marijuana? Gyrating? This is disgusting. I don’t know much about hockey but I thought it was safe for my gay son to look up to Luca Haas as a role model. I guess not

dove ‹𝟹 @rozsbeartattoo

get him an Ilya Rozanov jersey instead!! he’s a super pure married man who’s against debauchery of all kinds ☺️ #GodBless

archie lovers only @simmonssays

This is SO not like Archie. I think Luca must have talked him into this. Archie was a sweet, well mannered boy before this athlete corrupted him

anya unofficial @hollanoveru

you are a deeply weird person

STANLEY CUP CHAMPIOJSSNS

Luca: Bergy, I am so sorry

Wyatt: Kid!!

Bood: Luca! Are you okay? I just saw the threesome news

LaPointe: threesome news? how can a threesome be news?

Dykstra: you have to be as hot as Luca and his boy 

Bood: Hold on I’m getting the link

Luca: Oh God please don’t

Wyatt: No this is good! Your name has been cleared!!

Wyatt: Also at a later date can we please discuss how the 3 gay guys on this team have all slept with superheroes?

Ilya: No.

Shane: That’s a sore spot for Ilya

LaPointe: shit that’s a sore spot for ME, why couldn’t I be the one to sleep with Rose Landry? I’d actually enjoy it!!

Bood: Okay, I wasn’t gonna share these

Luca: Oh great

Luca: I think maybe I died in my sleep last night and woke up in hell 

Young: bro no way you’re living the dream!!

LaPointe: yea I bet every gay kid in North America is jealous of you right now!!! 

Dykstra: Not just North America, they’re probably throwing pride parades for him back home 

Luca: I’m really sorry this has taken away from our cup win.

Ilya: Luca, stop

Ilya: If you apologize again I’m going to post that I was part of the threesome too

Troy: Please don’t

Ilya: I will say I was in the corner with a camera

Luca: Okay please don’t do that Ilya but Bergy I am very sorry. I shouldn’t have called your wedding cliched, that was rude of me

Luca: I’m very happy for you and Vanessa

Dykstra: Who the hell is Vanessa?

Luca: His wife

Bood: As fun as it is seeing you shit talk, this doesn’t even count. He got married in Vegas. That’s like THE cliche

Chouinard: Yeah, you were basically stating a fact. You’re fine, kid. Relax.

Luca: Still, I’m sorry I made it public information. I had no clue I was being recorded.

Ilya: I am writing my post now. Luca Haas is not just great to watch on the ice. What a gentle lover!

Luca: No!!!

Dykstra: No shit you didn’t know you were being recorded. Relax, go smoke more weed since you apparently do that

LaPointe: yeah wtf Haasy? since when do you secretly smoke and have threesomes and shit

Young: !! I honestly thought it was all fake til I got to the part about him apologizing to a girl 7 times in a row and then I was like “awww that’s our boy” 

Wyatt: He’s like a superhero with a secret identity

Ilya: Enough with the superheroes

Ilya: I want to discuss Luca’s tattoo…what did you get?!

Luca: I didn’t get a tattoo!! It was hypothetical 

Ilya: Lies

Bood: We’ll see in the locker room next season I guess

Holmberg: ur good Haasy

Holmberg: i already told my fam about the wedding so no worries. Taking Nessa home to meet them soon!!

Wyatt: Wait you’re staying married? Who even is she? 

Holmberg: we met at a club last night but she’s really cool!

Holmberg: Bood can Cassie add her to the WAGs chat?

Bood: …

Wyatt: Buddy PLEASE get a post nup

Holmberg: Does it count if last night she wrote “I won’t steal your money” and signed it on the back of our marriage certificate?

Wyatt: No

Shane: No

Troy: No

Bood: Alright so next Stanley Cup win everyone under the age of 25 is getting assigned a chaperone 

Young: boooo pointy and I were on our best behavior last night

Dykstra: Didn’t you guys make out at one point to “double check that you’re not gay”?

Young: WE DID?

LaPointe: Oh yeah!! I stand by that

LaPointe: Shane give me Rose Landry’s number so I can test the other way

Shane: Absolutely not

Troy: Okay but Luca can Harris and I come over? He wants to discuss if you’re gonna release a statement or not (it’s fine either way)

Luca: Can we meet at a coffee shop?

Troy: Harris says no because Archie is too high profile and he doesn’t want to risk you getting approached by fans after everything

Troy: We could always call but Harris thinks it might be better to chat in person

Luca: Okay. Can we meet at your hotel?

Troy: Archie probably shouldn’t come out at all just yet. We can really come there, it’s no trouble. You’re at the four seasons right?

Luca: omg Troy do not come over here

Troy: What?

Ilya: He had a threesome last night. His room is trashed and he is embarrassed

Luca: It’s not trashed!! 

Luca: But we haven’t let any housekeeping staff in in case they have cameras or something

Bood: I don’t think the hotel staff is gonna take pictures of your cum stained sheets

Ilya: Happened to me and Shane once

Dykstra: Ew

Bood: Oh shit I forgot about that

Luca: I did not forget…

Troy: Okay okay fine I’ll text you my room number. We’re still at the Marriott. But Harris says you need to wear something “inconspicuous” just in case and don’t bring Archie

Troy: “Hat and sunglasses”

Luca: I don’t have sunglasses!

Luca: My only hat is a centaurs hat. That feels like a bad idea.

Luca: Ugh my wardrobe is not scandal appropriate

Troy: Does Archie have something you can wear?

Luca: He has Gucci sunglasses but they look ridiculous on me

Dykstra: idk if fashion is the priority here bud

Luca: [image attached, tap to download]

Dykstra: …never mind don’t wear those anywhere ever

Wyatt: You look like a ladybug

LaPointe: wait your NECK WTF? 

Dykstra: Oh wow I didn’t even notice because I was too distracted by the sunglasses. I think that could break a record for the world’s biggest hickey, damn 

Young: u good haasy? it looks like you’ve been strangled bro

LaPointe: i think he’s just FREAKY freaky 

Luca: Oh

Luca unsent a message 

Ilya: NOOO I didn’t get to see!!

Holmberg: me neither. DM me it Haasy u owe me after shit talking my beautiful union for a whole gay club to hear

Luca: Fine

Ilya: Send the picture to me too!!!

Luca: No.

Ilya: Why do you hate your daddy?

Wyatt: bro

Dykstra: ew

Bood: Roz…

Troy: Please never call yourself that again 

Shane: I have some stuff you can wear Luca. We’re at the four seasons too, in the penthouse. Let us know when you’re coming and we’ll buzz you in

LaPointe: wait hold up you’re at the FOUR SEASONS PENTHOUSE while Young and Bergy and I split one measly casino suite? Wow we have very different salaries

Chouinard: I don’t get why you didn’t just stay at the team hotel. It’s free and the waffles are great

Dykstra: Omg enough about the waffles 

Ilya: Yes, my husband is very pretty, everyone pays him to model so we have too much money

Shane: :)

Bood: Wow we should win Cups more often, Shane actually lets his husband flirt with him after

Ilya: He is in a very good mood

Shane: Of course I am! I’m a four time Stanley Cup champion

Ilya: Yes you are baby

Dykstra: Okay can we take the foreplay out of the group chat now immediately

Bood: Seconding this

Holmberg: thirding 

Luca: I will come up soon, thank you

Ilya: Give us an hour

Wyatt: lmao

Dykstra: That was quick 

Troy: This is time sensitive Roz. Sleep with your husband later

Ilya: But he is irresistible!

Troy: Ilya.

Ilya: Fine. Thirty minutes.

Troy: This isn’t a negotiation

Ilya: Thirty minutes!! 

Ilya: And wear the ugly sunglasses!!!

WAGs and Proud 🏳️‍🌈

Ilya: Archie please be more careful. I am worried you are going to choke my son to death 

Ilya: [image attached, tap to download]

Harris: Oh my

Kyle: What on EARTH is he wearing?

Ilya: A disguise. I know he looks very stupid, this is what happens when Shane is in charge of fashion 

Kip: Is he okay? His neck!

Archie: he’s fine

Ilya: Fine? He sounds like if Mickey Mouse smoked twelve packs a day

Kyle: 😂

Kip: What did you do to this poor boy?

Archie: nothing he didn’t ask for…

Kyle: ope!!!

Shane: Ilya you were supposed to be getting outfit approval, not shaming Archie

Shane: Harris, is this outfit incognito enough?

Harris: Uhhh do you have a scarf he can wear?

Kip: A scarf?! I feel like he needs a neck brace

Ilya: No. Why would we have a scarf in June?

Archie: I might have something. Send him back down. Or I can come up?

Shane: We’ll send him down. Ilya keeps harassing him about having safe sex and he’s getting scared

Archie: I promise we were safe dad

Ilya: He can barely speak!!

Archie: okay in my defense he was screaming with you guys for hours after winning the literal Stanley cup

Archie: and I’ve been giving him tea!! with honey!!

Kyle: That boy doesn’t need honey, he needs a hospital

Ilya: He is coming back down. No sex for 72 hours. Captain’s orders.

Harris: Oh please like you’re not in a similar state

Kyle: He’s not, but Shane probably is

Kip: UGH I’m so jealous! I wanna have Stanley Cup sex again

Ilya: Too bad so sad we are winning next year

Ilya: and poor Luca will die by Archie’s dick

Archie: omg he’s FINE

Kip: Okay but are you ever gonna give us deets on this pre-arranged threesome?!

Kyle: Yeah I’m curious because back in my day threesomes were pretty spur of the moment 

Kip: “back in my day” why do you sound 50

Ilya: He spends too much time in the nursing home with Bennett and Hunter

Kip: 🙄

Archie: I’ll ask Luca if I can say more

Archie: I’m dying to talk about it, I can’t with any of my Hollywood friends because they’re so gossipy

Kyle: oh nooo I’m Archie my boyfriend’s a Stanley Cup winner and I can’t talk about having a hot threesome with him because all my friends are hot and famous like me

Archie: basically yeah 

Archie: the problem is my best friend’s my step brother and he’s generally an ally but I fear he’d probably draw the line at hearing about my creative uses of Luca’s many holes lmao

Shane: Oh God. I don’t know if I can hear that

Ilya: Excuse Shane he is still adjusting to our son being all grown up 

Harris: Like you’re fine with it

Ilya: I am trying to be the cool dad

Shane: I don’t know if cool dads give their sons choking tips

Ilya: Your mom is cool and she sent me articles on PrEP when we first started dating

Kip: Yuna Hollander is my hero

Ilya: Mine too

Archie: okay Luca says it’s fine as long as I don’t get too explicit, but first, what do we think of the scarf?

Archie: [image attached, tap to download]

Kip: I feel like it just makes me notice his neck more

Kyle: He looks like if the hamburglar watched too much rupaul’s drag race

Harris: Yeah, lose the scarf and tell him to just duck his head and come over. And come in through the side entrance of the hotel where we entered when we checked in

Archie: got it, he’s calling an uber now

Kip: So like did you send out evites for the threesome orrrr

Archie: lol it really wasn’t a big deal!!

Archie: we got lunch with Preston last month because I thought he and Luca would get along. but I didn’t expect him to just like highkey hit on both of us the whole time

Kip: Oh?!

Kyle: Love

Archie: it was v much like “haha what if we had a threesome. just kidding. unless…👀”

Kyle: A classic. My signature at 22

Kip: I can’t tell you how many guys try to pull that on me and Scott

Ilya: I would kill to see Hunter’s reaction

Kyle: He becomes a scared little deer

Ilya: Of course

Shane: Ilya just threatens murder when anyone does anything like that

Ilya: Yes. You are mine. And?

Harris: Get back to the story before they start full on sexting

Archie: Luca was kinda just like “mannn if only playoffs weren’t so crazy ha ha. ha” and I was like “hmmm 🤨”

Kyle: Naturally

Ilya: He is so bad at flirting

Archie: no comment. but that night I was like “heyyy would you wanttt to have a threesome after your season’s over?” and he was like “idk maybe but was Preston even serious?”

Archie: so we text Preston and he’s like “hmm I only fuck Stanley cup winners 😏so get back to me” 

Ilya: Ah so this is why we won the Cup. Thank you Archie

Kip: Ya know I always see people saying the centaurs are fueled by the power of gay love and friendship but I kinda feel like you’re fueled by the power of gay sex

Ilya: Accurate

Harris: lol perhaps…

Kyle: The admirals would probably have another cup if Eric was still playing

Harris: 😂

Archie: yeah I mean I think Preston was kinda just giving us an out because he didn’t want things to be weird if we changed our minds. but then when you guys went to game 6 I was like “get your ass out here, it’s gonna happen tonight” and the rest is, unfortunately very famously, history

Kip: What would you have done if they hadn’t won?

Archie: I had a good feeling about it. Vegas’s goalies have been hung out to dry for the whole damn postseason and Caplan never bounced back from that finger injury he did a terrible job hiding. It's a wonder they got to game 6 honestly

Harris: Awww look at our boy learning! 

Ilya: Shane is smiling like a proud father 

Archie: lol

Archie: but idk I guess I could have flown him out to Ottawa if it went to game 7. and in an absolute worst case scenario, a threesome would make a decent consolation prize

Kip: I thought Preston only fucked Stanley cup winners

Archie: oh he’s so full of shit, he’d fuck Luca if he never put skates on again. he’s been frothing at the mouth for him for months

Kip: idk how you do it. I’m way too jealous for that

Archie: it helps that I know Preston and I love him to death but quite frankly he’d be a terrible boyfriend so he’s not exactly a threat. since long distance takes a lot of work as my imaginary friends told tmz lol

Archie: and Luca is the least jealous person in the history of planet earth so he was fine with it 

Harris: Yeah sometimes the guys will show Luca comments of people thirsting over you and he’s just kinda like “okay?”

Shane: He always seems confused by the idea that he should care 

Harris: Meanwhile they show Roz the same types of comments about Shane and he’s like “Who is this? I will murder them”

Kip: 😂

Archie: 💀

Ilya: He is my husband! Everyone knows we are married! They should not be saying they want to have their way with him

Archie: I get that but Luca’s kinda just like “well they’re not having their way with you so why would I care??”

Harris: How is he simultaneously the shyest man of all time and also SO confident

Archie: idk, his brain makes no sense to me but I do indeed love it

Archie: he’s getting into the uber now! take good care of him Harris, he’s very fragile

Ilya: But not too much care. No more threesomes

Harris: Somehow we’ll restrain ourselves 

Luca: Got into the uber okay. I don’t think anyone took pictures of me

Archie: Good!!

Luca: I feel like a spy in this outfit 

Luca: Or like you when you're hiding from the paparazzi

Archie: yeah lol it’s no fun but you look cute!

Luca: I can’t believe I’m wearing Shane Hollander’s clothes. My life is so weird.

Archie: so weird and GOOD!!

Luca: Yes

Luca: But very very strange

Luca: Like I wrote a fanfiction about Ilya winning his first Stanley cup when I was 14 lol

Archie: omg you DID?

Archie: what happened in it?!

Luca: I can’t tell you. You’re too cool

Archie: honey I was on tumblr too, I was just reblogging doctor who gifs

Luca: Aww. I wish we’d met then

Archie: I’m glad we went through puberty first lmao

Archie: tell me tell me!! 

Luca: Okay so ironically, I wrote about him having a threesome with Shane and Cliff Marlow

Archie: stop 💀

Archie: I had to google Cliff Marlow to remember which one he is lol he’s hot!

Luca: Yes, very

Luca: I was so sure Cliff and Ilya were dating and Shane was in love with Ilya but Ilya was hung up on Cliff

Archie: what a love triangle…I mean you were half right?

Luca: I guess

Luca: I nearly had a heart attack when Ilya announced signing with Ottawa right after I got drafted

Luca: I mean, what are the odds? How did any of this happen?

Luca: I used to make gifs of him! I made that gif of him winking that everyone still uses!! 

Archie: omg you DID?!

Luca: Yes. One of the versions of it anyways 

Archie: I used that before I even knew who he was. I just thought it was a hot guy winking

Luca: Yes I made the gif because I thought he looked very hot

Luca: It’s weird how everything has worked out 

Archie: I think the universe just knows that you deserve good things Luca Haas 

Luca: I don’t know. Maybe

Archie: baby PLEASE don’t let the internet stop you from celebrating your wildest dreams coming true

Luca: Okay. I’ll try

Archie: Try hard! Harris will help you put together a statement. It’ll all be okay ❤️

Luca: Okay

Luca: My mom just texted and asked if you have any allergies so I think she’s trying to show it’s all okay

Archie: aww! it IS okay!!

Luca: Did I tell you my sister texted and told me to stop being greedy and save some hot guys for everyone else?

Archie: no!! see everyone still loves you! how could they not?

Luca: :)

Luca: I thought I told you already, sorry. My brain is so scattered after going to Ilya and Shane’s room

Luca: It smelled like sex. And Ilya started trying to find articles on proper breathplay to send you

Archie: he was maaad in the gay WAGs group chat lmao he was worried I was gonna kill you

Luca: He’s such a hypocrite. Shane could barely walk and his wrists are so bruised

Archie: damn

Archie: I wonder what state Harris and Troy will be in

Luca: I’m not sure if I wanna know. I think maybe we’ve all learned too much about each other today

Luca: Okay I just got here

Archie: don’t forget, side entrance! 💞

Luca: 👍

Luca: Got to their room fine

Luca: Harris told me not to sit on the bed because it’s “sort of maybe broken”

Archie: omfg

Archie: if I didn’t know how monogamous they all are I’d suggest an orgy lol

Luca: Don’t even joke like that in front of Ilya. He will kill you

The Secret Society of Stick Handlers

Scott: Hey Luca, how are you holding up? Do you need anything?

Shane: He’s with Harris right now talking over options

Scott: Got it

Scott: I’m kind of wondering if this calls for a hashtag or something. I hate the way this has shifted the conversation

Ilya: Yes, we should all be talking about how my husband now has four Stanley cups

Scott: I was thinking more that there’s now six out queer players who have won Stanley Cups. That’s pretty incredible

Ilya: And my husband has as many as all four of you combined

Eric: I don’t think it’s a competition?

Ilya: No. None of you are at his level, you cannot compete with him

Baldwin: You do realize that you also won the cup yesterday, right?

Ilya: Yes. But Shane won’t brag so I’m doing it for him

Scott: Alright whatever. Anyone have hashtag ideas?

Lundin: We gave plenty earlier and you shot us down!

Scott: …anyone have hashtag ideas that don’t have anything to do with threesomes?

Scott: Seriously guys? 

Eric: I’m thinking

Eric: We have, what, ten cups between us? Is that something?

Baldwin: and over half came from the Hollander-Rozanovs. You guys need to pull your weight

Ilya: Exactly!

Lundin: #TenGayCups

Baldwin: No

Eric: That sounds like it’s out of the twelve days of Christmas

Ilya: Yes and three of the cups are bisexual

Lundin: #SevenGayAndThreeBisexualCups

Baldwin: You’re awful at this

Shane: What about something simple like #TenMakesHistory

Baldwin: Okay can I be honest? I feel like this whole idea sucks

Scott: Gee thanks

Ilya: I agree. We need something less boring 

Shane: What if instead we share something kind of wild we did in our twenties and highlight that we still were successful hockey players?

Shane: The hashtag could be #InMyTwenties maybe

Eric: Hmm that’s not a bad idea

Baldwin: That requires you to have done something wild, Hollander

Shane: I was secretly seeing my sworn rival for the entirety of my twenties

Baldwin: Touché

Scott: Yeah, okay, I like this idea

Ilya: Of course you do. My husband is very smart

Shane: :)

Baldwin: I didn’t even know Hollander knew what a smiley face was before today

Lundin: I didn’t know Hollander knew how to smile period

Eric: Hey, come on, he was smiling HARD after they won last night

Ilya: He has not stopped

Shane: Why would I? I’ve won four Stanley cups

Ilya: Yes sweetheart, you are amazing at hockey and everything you do

Shane: :) 

Baldwin: I can’t decide if this is sweet, hot, or just gross

Lundin: Hot

Eric: I think it’s surprisingly sweet

Scott: Definitely gross

Troy: Oh are they doing their four cups foreplay again? Great

Ilya: Troy! How is our boy?

Troy: He’s okay. I’m worried he’ll never get his voice back though

Ilya: Don’t worry, I have emailed both of them articles about choking

Baldwin: Jesus. I can’t believe this is what NHL captains do now

Scott: Rozanov, leave the kid alone

Ilya: What?! I’m helping!

Luca: Hi guys. I will be putting out a brief statement asking people to focus on the cup win and not my personal life. From there, if you would like to use a hashtag that’s fine but you don’t have to. This is all my fault, it’s not your mess to clean up

Scott: It’s not a mess at all. If a straight guy did this, it wouldn’t be breaking news

Ilya: Yes my threesomes with women were in TMZ sometimes but that’s just because I am very hot

Scott: But even then the conversation about it was “that’s just Rozanov being Rozanov, good for him” not “this guy’s corrupting young men and ruining hockey”

Ilya: Yes. This is very fucked up 

Baldwin: Yeah, you should be able to get your guts inverted by how ever many men you like!!

Shane: I don’t know if I’d put it like that but the pressure to be a good role model is exhausting. You didn’t do anything wrong Luca

Luca: Thank you

Scott: Has Crowell contacted you?

Luca: Yes, he left a voicemail. I am afraid to call back

Ilya: Don’t

Eric: Ignore it

Luca: His voicemail was very confusing

Shane: Yeah he speaks in riddles

Luca: He basically said the league is proud of me but also there’s certain behavior a Conn Smythe winner shouldn’t engage in

Scott: That’s absurd. Your personal life is irrelevant

Baldwin: ?? What’s the Conn Smythe have to do with anything?

Ilya: Ignore him. He can’t say the Conn Smythe isn’t for slutty bottoms when Shane Hollander has one

Shane: Ilya.

Ilya: What? Am I wrong?

Ilya: The league gave one to Hunter, who is old and verse, because they finally value diversity

Scott: How the hell do you know I’m verse?

Ilya: My dear friend Kip. I also know that Bennett is a verse bottom

Eric: What?

Scott: Please never speak to my husband again

Eric: Seconding that 

Ilya: They would be very sad. They love me

Baldwin: lmao this is fun, do Barrett next

Ilya: Barrett is a verse top but I didn’t need Harris to tell me that. I have eyes

Ilya: I also know you are a top Baldwin and Lundin is a bottom

Baldwin: 👏👏👏 no notes 

Lundin: True. Where’s my Conn Smythe? 

Scott: Literally what are we even talking about at this point?

Ilya: We're making Luca more comfortable by talking about our sex lives

Eric: No, you’re just talking about everyone’s sex lives

Ilya: Same thing

Luca: That’s really not necessary

Lundin: It’s your turn, kid. Please tell us about your hot ass threesome

Luca: I have to make my post now, but thank you all for your support

Baldwin: Booooo 

Luca Haas ✔️ @LucaHaasNHL

Winning a Stanley Cup was the greatest honor and a dream come true. But it’s not something I achieved alone. I hope everyone can focus on celebrating my team’s accomplishments, not what I do consensually in my private life. Thank you.

Dan @danthehockeyman

But it WASN’T private. You were doing that shit in public. Disgusting. I’m still burning my Haas jersey.

Luca Haas ✔️ @LucaHaasNHL

Okay but please donate it or recycle it. Maybe turn it into a rag? Burning it would be bad for the environment

Linda @livelaughlinda

@LucaHaasNHL what do you have to say to my son who idolizes you? He has always been a delinquent and after seeing you smoking I’m sure he will take up METH

Luca Haas ✔️ @LucaHaasNHL

I would tell your son that he should not smoke meth. I have never smoked meth. This is not something I recommend 

Linda @livelaughlinda

Yeah right. We all saw you illegally smoking POT who knows what else your up to

Luca Haas ✔️ @LucaHaasNHL

Weed is legal in Vegas, so I wasn’t breaking any laws. I guess I can’t prove it but I do not do meth. I am not sure where people even get meth

Ilya Rozanov ✔️ @IlyaRozanovWins

Luca please stop replying to these stupid people 

Shane Hollander ✔️ @ShaneHollander24

When I was #InMyTwenties I won three Stanley Cups, a silver Olympic medal, and a Conn Smythe. I also was so scared to be gay that I dated a woman before seeing sense and settling down with my sworn rival. Now, I’m proud to call him my husband and lift the cup with him

Ilya Rozanov ✔️ @IlyaRozanovWins

The best part of my twenties was beating you on the ice. The best part of my thirties is winning with you. I already can’t wait to see what our forties hold. I love you sweetheart, being yours is my greatest accomplishment ❤️

Shane Hollander ✔️ @ShaneHollander24

ya tebya lyublyu ❤️ always :)

bebe “is smart and right” @moony4hollanov

Honestly the wildest part of the last 2 days might be Hollanov being earnest on main 

Eric Bennett ✔️ @EricBennettNYC

This is something I never thought I’d share publicly, but in honor of the Centaurs’ history making win last night…#InMyTwenties Brandon Wiebe and I got it in our heads that it would be a good idea to get our ears pierced during all-star weekend. No, you can’t see photos

Carter Vaughan ✔️ @CarterVaughanHockey

BENNY!! No way! I need those pics!!!

Kyle ♡ Come to Kingfisher! @KyleSwiftly

Sharing this was a big mistake. I’m making you a piercing appointment for 8 AM tomorrow

Ilya Rozanov ✔️ @IlyaRozanovWins

Don’t worry everyone, I texted Wiebe that I will not win him another cup unless he sends pictures

Kip Grady @KipGradyBoat

Wait WHAT??? How long did you have them for and were they diamonds? They were diamonds right?

Eric Bennett ✔️ @EricBennettNYC

I took them out a few days later. Wiebe wore them for a season but it was such a shitty season for him that he took them out

Scott Hunter ✔️ @ScottHunterOfficial

This is the best news I’ve ever heard 

David Hollander @DavidHollander2481

I did a lot of wild stuff #InMyTwenties…most notably, I once got very drunk and gave my car to a woman who I thought was Madonna. I later learned she was a drag queen. Very proud of my boys for being much more mature and successful in their twenties!

Shane Hollander ✔️ @ShaneHollander24

Dad what????

Ilya Rozanov ✔️ @IlyaRozanovWins

HAHA David! Let’s get lunch soon and swap stories from our twenties before we became boring married men. I need to hear more!!

Asha @himbolover365

Kinda comforting that even Shane Hollander isn’t immune to emotionally confusing dad lore drops 

Troy Barrett ✔️ @TBarrett17

I’m still #InMyTwenties but I know I’ll look back at this decade with a mix of pride and regret. Today, I’m choosing to focus on pride. Very honored to win a Stanley Cup for my teammates, my mom, my fiancé Harris, and our dog Chiron. I couldn’t do it without any of you. I hope we can all channel this victory into more good and support organizations like You Can Play and the Irina Foundation 

lynn 🐝 troy barrett cup winner @barrettsbiceps

Oh that’s my BAAAABY (or Harris’s baby, whatever, we can share)

Harris 🍎🌈 @HarrisDrover

I’ve never been prouder of you and I’m not just saying that because you brought the cup back to Ottawa ❤️

Troy Barrett ✔️ @TBarrett17

It doesn’t hurt though huh?

Harris 🍎🌈 @HarrisDrover

It absolutely does not hurt

Zane Boodram ✔️ @ZaneBoodHockey

Come on man, you’ve gotta get wilder than that! Everyone, here’s a video of Barrett last night simultaneously trying to douse Harris with champagne while making out with him #InMyTwenties

Harris 🍎🌈 @HarrisDrover

This video is such a gift that I won’t even get mad at you for posting it

Ilya Rozanov ✔️ @IlyaRozanovWins

I did so much #InMyTwenties that I can’t fit everything in a post. Threesomes, foursomes, a lot of dancing. I slept with your favorite singer and your least favorite actress. I broke into a zoo to pet a giraffe. But the best thing I did #InMyTwenties was Shane Hollander, four time Stanley Cup champion ♥️

Shane Hollander ✔️ @ShaneHollander24

This is NOT the post we agreed on. And please tell me you meant to put “loving” Shane Hollander and that was a typo…

Ilya Rozanov ✔️ @IlyaRozanovWins

You know there’s no typo sweetheart ;)

Cliff Marlow ✔️ @CliffMarlowHockey

Omg THE GIRAFFE! I forgot about that, we were traaashed!! And then we couldn’t find it and you started crying 😂 legendary bro, let’s grab drinks in the fall

Scott Hunter ✔️ @ScottHunterOfficial

On paper, I was successful #InMyTwenties. I won a Stanley Cup, a Conn Smythe, and Olympic gold. I was quietly miserable and closeted though, traveling abroad in the off season just so I could go to gay clubs. As much as I hate losing to Ottawa, I’m thrilled to see 4 out queer players win while living as their authentic selves

cal @vaughnybaby

can u imagine being at a gay club in 2014 going "that looks kinda like...nah, no way" lmao

Kip Grady @KipGradyBoat

I love you. I’m so glad I worked at a smoothie shop #InMyTwenties and a very cute hockey player walked in who I couldn’t resist flirting with 💘

Ilya Rozanov ✔️ @IlyaRozanovWins

I’m sorry you had to live this way. Also sorry you feel the need to lie about doing all this in your twenties. We all know you were 100 years old

Scott Hunter ✔️ @ScottHunterOfficial

No, we all know you’re still bitter because I beat you and your husband at the Olympics

Ilya Rozanov ✔️ @IlyaRozanovWins

You have NOTHING on my husband! Watch this https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J7efw_2

Scott Hunter ✔️ @ScottHunterOfficial

Did you just link me to a Shane Hollander goal compilation? Please leave me out of your foreplay

Preston Sterling ✔️ @PrestonSterling

I’ve been having a great time #InMyTwenties so far and the most recent highlight was definitely getting to celebrate with a Stanley Cup champion 💕 I’ll be honest, idk much about hockey but I do know it’s AWESOME that four openly queer players just won the Cup! #GoSports

Luca Haas ✔️ @LucaHaasNHL

Thank you Preston

kai @hausofhaas

Omg Luca Haas thruple era?!

Preston Sterling ✔️ @PrestonSterling

Nope. I’m single! Very 👀👀

kai @hausofhaas

Oh! Myyy thruple era? My DMs are open 👀

Archie Simmons ✔️ @ArchibaldSimmons

Preston please don’t hit on Luca’s fans

kai @hausofhaas

There are a lot of things I didn’t have on my bingo card for this week but Archie Simmons cockblocking me is definitely number one

J. Baldwin ✔️ @BaldwinPlays

I don’t remember most of my twenties honestly but let me tell you a story I’ll never forget. One day in my early twenties, I was at a gay club, trying to be covert of course, when I see a bunch of camera flashes. I’m like “oh shit”, but it’s weird because I’m not that famous

J. Baldwin ✔️ @BaldwinPlays

Then all the guys start screaming. Losing their minds. I’m like “what the hell is going on?” It turned out CHER was there!! Cher! And I couldn’t even get a picture because I was closeted. I had to leave so I wouldn’t get caught in any shots. It haunts me to this day

Ilya Rozanov ✔️ @IlyaRozanovWins

This is a terrible story and you didn’t even use the hashtag

R. Lundin ✔️ @LundinBridgesHockey

I thought it was a good story, I was gripped #InMyTwenties (did I do that right?)

J. Baldwin ✔️ @BaldwinPlays

You’re so awful at social media it’s physically painful

hattie 💕 @holmbergsgirl

I made a huge mistake earlier #InMyTwenties and was a Voyageurs fan 🤢 so glad I saw the light and got to watch the Centaurs win the cup! :)

Hayden Pike ✔️ @HaydenPikeHockey

#InMyTwenties I learned that birth control isn’t always effective, the Stanley Cup is super heavy, and my best friend, who just won his fourth Cup, is a BOSS. Please enjoy this video of us drunk off our asses trying to climb through a window of our rental in Mexico after I lost the key

Louis @louishockeytrash

What the HELL is Boiziau saying in this?

J.J. Boiziau ✔️ @JJBoiziau

I was trying to speak Spanish but I don’t actually know Spanish so it was just gibberish

Shane Hollander ✔️ @ShaneHollander24

I’m still mad at you for this. I told you you should have let me hold onto the key 

Ilya Rozanov ✔️ @IlyaRozanovWins

You are so useless, Shane is the only one doing anything to get back inside. How are you so bad at everything?

Hayden Pike ✔️ @HaydenPikeHockey

I’m not bad at everything! Just breaking and entering. And fanmail videos.

nadia 🌈 @hazyhayess

Did you just…insult yourself?

Hayden Pike ✔️ @HaydenPikeHockey

It saves us all time if I beat Ilya to the punch 

Alex Holmberg ✔️ @HolmbergPlaysHockey

loving life #InMyTwenties with my brand new beautiful wife Vanessa! and proud of my buddy @LucaHaasNHL for winning the Conn Smythe and being super gay while doing it

Luca Haas ✔️ @LucaHaasNHL

Thank you. Congrats again

hattie 💕 @holmbergsgirl

OMG HE ACTUALLY GOT AMRRIED? 

steph @stephaknee2

Again I say…WTF HAPPENED LAST NIGHT 

Archie Simmons ✔️ @ArchibaldSimmons

I’m so proud of @LucaHaasNHL for achieving a history making win in HIS twenties. A Calder, Conn Smythe, and Stanley Cup…we call that a hat trick of a boyfriend! So glad to be dating and loving you #InMyTwenties

Kip Grady @KipGradyBoat

Ooh he’s fancy, he knows hockey terms now, look out boys 

Kyle ♡ Come to Kingfisher! @KyleSwiftly

A year ago he thought a Stanley was just a water bottle…they grow up so fast

Archie Simmons ✔️ @ArchibaldSimmons

Stop 💀 I use a hydroflask! 

Archie Simmons Army @archiesarmy

CUTEST COUPLE EVER SORRY I THOUGHT HE WAS CHEATING ON U FOR 3 HOURS THERE

archie lovers only @simmonssays

Ugh I can’t believe they’re still together 

greyson ₊˚｡ ❆ @m0therpuck3r17

He’s not gonna fuck you bro 

Ilya Rozanov ✔️ @IlyaRozanovWins

Very cute. Please read the articles I sent you 

Shane Hollander ✔️ @ShaneHollander24

Leave them alone Ilya. I’m glad Luca has such a great boyfriend to celebrate with him ❤️

Luca Haas ✔️ @LucaHaasNHL

I love you so much Archie 💓 I'm so glad I met you #InMyTwenties too :)

Archie Simmons ✔️ @ArchibaldSimmons

Ich lieb dich 💓 Maybe the next trend can be about what we got up to in our teens?

Luca Haas ✔️ @LucaHaasNHL

I take it back, TMZ I am not dating this buzzkill of a man 

Canada Trending Topics

1 - Archibald Simmons

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2 - Big Brother Canada

3 - Preston Sterling

4 - #InMyTwenties

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5 - Centaurs

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