Rating:

Not Rated

Archive Warning:

Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings

Category:

M/M

Fandom:

Heated Rivalry (TV)

Relationship:

Shane Hollander/Ilya Rozanov

Characters:

Hayden Pike, Jean-Jacques Boiziau | J. J. Dagenais

Additional Tags:

Hangover, Humor, these get more unhinged as we go on, my usual mix of humor fluff and angst

Language:

English

Series:

Part 14 of ways they didn't find out

Collections:

Hollanov Relationship Reveals!

Stats:

Published: 2026-03-08 Words: 3,090 Chapters: 1/1

hayden and ilya cuddle (not clickbait)

Summary

Then, a body slipped under the covers.

Then, lightning quick, a strong, muscled arm wrapped around Hayden’s waist, and he was pulled into a warm, male, and very naked body. A hand moved down quickly to his ass before he could make a sound.

He screamed, and shoved the body away. 

The man shouted back. 

Hayden froze. That was definitely not Shane's voice. 

Hayden ripped the covers off his head. “What the fuck-“ 

His voice cracked as he took in the face of the man behind him. 

No.

Why the holy hell was he seeing Ilya Rozanov's face right now?

(drunk hayden sleeps in shane's bed and is surprised with a visit from ilya)

Notes

for @oneoflifeslollpers who requested drunk hayden getting into shane's bed and ilya getting into that bed for a cuddle by accident. not exactly how you mapped it out in the comments, but i hope u enjoy :)

also can i say y'alls creativity when coming up with ideas for me to write is unmatched, this prompt made me cackle so hard when i saw it

ALSO THIS IS SET POST-OTTAWA MOVE BUT SHANE NEVER CAME OUT TO THE TEAM

Shane

Shane woke lamenting his decision to ever become friends with Hayden and J.J.

His whole schedule for the day was fucked already after the very unappreciated 4.a.m wake up call he'd gotten from Hayden and J.J banging on his front door, shouting and knocking shit over until he finally pulled himself from his bed and let them into his apartment. 

Apparently there had been no cabs running to take them back to their homes - though Shane privately suspected that they may have just been too drunk to order one properly - and with Shane's apartment a twenty minute walk away from the bar they'd been at, they'd decided to come and wake him up.

Then, they'd eaten their gross, greasy takeaway food on Shane's living room floor. Shane had felt like he was back babysitting Ruby and Jade, with J.J knocking his drink over no less than six times, the two of them getting into an argument over who'd drunk the most, ending with Hayden wandering off and passing out in Shane's still fully dressed.

Which was where Shane found him now. 

He flipped on the light to see Hayden still passed out, drooling on Shane's pillow. It was clear from the piles of clothes next to the bed that Hayd had stripped off in the middle of the night and gotten under the covers. Shane quickly picked the clothes up and folded them, placing the pile on his dresser for Hayden to find when he woke up. 

A loud groan sounded from under the covers. 

"Hayd." Shane said gently. "Hayd, you awake?"

Something resembling the words 'fuck off' were mumbled into the duvet.

"Hayd." Shane said again. "I'm going to get you guys some food, cause I assume you don't want one of my protein shakes."

Hayden let out another loan groan, before he emerged from beneath the covers. His face was somehow both white and green, and his eyes were bloodshot. 

He gave Shane a weak glare, and Shane pressed his lips together, trying not to laugh in the face of his best friend's suffering. 

"Shane, if you dare give me one of your fuck-ass smoothies, I promise you, I will puke."

"Alright-"

"It'll make that time Ruby ate all that junk before going on that fucking loopy loopy rollercoaster look like nothing-"

"Alright, Hayd, Jesus -"

Hayden's pale, sweaty face disappeared beneath the covers again as he let out a long groan. "I wish I was dead."

Shane patted the bed, trying not to laugh. "Alright, bud. Alright."

"Can you get me a Gatorade please?"

"Sure. You want cherry flavour?"

Hayd let out another groan, which Shane took as a yes. 

He stood, about to leave and go in search of J.J, when he heard a noise from the bathroom. 

He turned on the en suite lights to find J.J half asleep in his bathtub, covered in piles of towels. 

"Tabarnak!" J.J said weakly, covering his eyes with his hands. "No. Too bright. No. Please. Criss."

Shane smothered another laugh, but he did take pity of J.J, if nothing else because he looked so pathetic, and dimmed the lights until it was almost completely dark. 

"Merci, Hollzy. You just saved my life."

Shane breathed out an incredulous laugh. Jesus Christ, how much had they drank last night?

"I'm going out to get you guys some food, what do you want?"

J.J looked up hopefully. "If you get me McDonalds breakfast and a Coke, I will love you forever, mon capitaine."

"I don't care if you're dying, you're not getting a McDonalds from me." Shane said. He didn't add that he already had Cokes stocked in his pantry for Ilya. 

 "You're the fucking worst, Hollander." J.J groaned and flipped Shane off.

"Hey! I woke up at 4 a.m to let you assholes in, didn't I?"

"Yeah, yeah." J.J mumbled. "Okay, fine, please get me a Coke and anything more edible than your fucking meal prep. Like anything salty or greasy and not healthy."

Shane sighed. "Fine."

"Merci."

Shane left, sneaking through his bedroom and back to the spare room, where he'd spent the night. Luckily he kept clothes in there too, so he quickly showered and dressed, pulling on a coat and sneakers. On his way out, he grabbed his keys and wallet, and closed the door quietly behind him. 

Hayden

Hayden had never - not in his whole twenty four years of living - ever felt this hungover. Not even after Taylor's wedding, which had seen most of them blacked out before midnight. 

His head was pounding. His mouth was somehow sweaty and drier than the Goddamn Sahara desert. And he had the shakes, which was making his teeth chatter despite being covered under the entirety of Shane's warm, thick duvet. 

God, he could barely move his head without sending his whole body into a full alarm of 'don't do this to us', or 'yeah, fucking move some more if you want to projectile vomit all over Shane's nice, cosy bed, moron, which will inevitably get you murdered'.

He was half-asleep and hallucinating his murder via Shane when the door opened. 

Shane. Thank God. Hopefully the Gatorade would save him from this torture. 

He tried to move his head to get out of the covers and get said Gatorade, but even that movement sent his head spinning. 

Don't vomit, Hayd. Do not vomit. You got this. You didn't vomit when you saw Arthur eat a worm, or after you changed your first diaper, or when Jade puked all down your back, you can do this. 

He closed his eyes, burrowing deeper into the covers. 

This was hell. 

He was never drinking ever again. 

Never. 

He felt the bed dip and creak. Then, the covers lifted. Hayden pulled the covers back, suddenly feeling freezing. He heard a chuckle. It didn't really sound like Shane, but the sound was so muffled by the covers, he couldn't really hear properly. 

Then, a body slipped under the covers. Even with his brain going about minus 20mph, he was pretty surprised by the fact that Shane was voluntarily getting into bed with Hayden. Hayd didn't care, he thought guys who freaked out over every time intimacy between male friends and had to say 'no homo' were the real weirdos, but Shane was pretty uptight about that kind of thing. 

Then, lightning quick, a strong, muscled arm wrapped around Hayden’s waist, and he was pulled into a warm, male, and very naked body. A hand moved down quickly to his ass before he could make a sound.

He screamed, and shoved the body away. 

The man shouted back. 

Hayden froze. That was definitely not Shane's voice. 

Hayden ripped the covers off his head. “What the fuck-“ 

His voice cracked as he took in the face of the man behind him. 

No.

No, no, no, no, no. 

No.

Why the holy hell was he seeing Ilya Rozanov's face right now?

Was this some kind of fucked up dream? Had he been spiked last night? Was he still drunk? He kind of felt delirious. 

He reached out an poked Rozanov in the face. 

No, apparently this was very real. 

How unfortunate. 

“What the fuck?” Rozanov shouted, and slapped Hayden's hand away from his face. 

They stared at each other.

What the fuck was happening?

Rozanov's eyes were wide and disgusted. He looked green; probably feeling as nauseous as Hayden felt. 

“What the fuck.” Hayden echoed.

His brain suddenly reappeared, and it hit him that this was real. That Ilya fucking Rozanov had gotten into Shane's bed - fucking naked - and touched Hayden's ass. 

“I’ll fucking kill you!” Hayden lunged at Rozanov as best as he could while still wrapped in the bedsheets. Rozanov shoved him away, but the sheets pulled as Hayden fell, tangling Rozanov and him together as they fell out of bed. Hayden’s back hit the floor and he let out an ‘oof’ sound as Rozanov’s body fell on top of his. 

Hayden thanked whatever God was listening that he still had his boxers on. 

They struggled for a moment as they both tried to escape the tangled sheets. 

“Get the fuck off me before I fucking strangle you.” Hayden said, sounding winded. God, his head was pounding. His stomach had already been delicate this morning, and now he had the image of Rozanov’s naked body touching his… "Get the fuck off me right now or I’ll puke on you, I swear to fuck-“

”I am fucking trying, Pike-“

"Ow!"

"You are such a baby-"

"Get off-"

“Ah! That is my leg, you fucker-"

"Look, just get that bit of the sheet and-"

"Do not tell me what to do-"

"Jesus Christ, I am going to fucking murder you-"

"Like you could-"

"I could so-"

"Yes, maybe with your breath-"

"Get fucked-"

"You do not know how to brush your teeth, Pike?"

Hayden pushed Rozanov's face away from his. "Maybe get the fuck away from me, then-"

"I said I am trying!" Rozanov shouted back. 

Hayden heard the sound of feet tramping and the bathroom door flew open as J.J ran into the bedroom. "Are you okay, Hayden?"

Hayden and Rozanov looked up at the same time to take in J.J’s alert expression turned aghast.

“What the fuck?”

Rozanov pushed upwards, pulling the sheet away from his legs. 

Then, J.J leg out an hysterical laugh. “Okay, seriously, what the actual fuck am I looking at?"

Hayden let out a sigh of relief as Rozanov finally untangled, but that relief was quickly and horrifyingly cut short as he was painfully reminded that Rozanov was fully naked. 

"Ah, tabarnak!" J.J shouted. "Put that away, no one wants to see that-"

Rozanov, surprisingly, blushed. He grabbed something from one of the piles of clothes that were folded on Shane's dresser and pulled on a pair of Adidas joggers.

Were those Rozanov's? 

Had Rozanov folded his clothes to put them on Shane's dresser before getting into Shane's bed?

"I think I am still drunk." J.J said suddenly. His expression was inscrutable. "I must be. Because there is no other reason for you to be here, is there?"

Rozanov just looked at them, apparently lost for words. "I-"

"You have one minute to explain why the fuck you're in Shane's apartment - fucking naked, I might add -" Hayden said.

There was only one very obvious, undeniable explanation for why.

Hayden’s head was spinning.

The sound of the front door opening and closing filled the silence. 

"Hey, guys, I'm back!" Shane's voice rang out. 

Rozanov's face suddenly looked panicked, and the man swore violently in Russian. 

They only had a moment before Shane opened his bedroom door. 

Immediately, his face went pale, and he dropped the bags he was carrying.

"What-" Shane breathed out. 

"I think that is our question, non?" J.J said, his lips pursed unhappily. 

Shane's face wobbled, and he screwed his eyes shut. "Oh, fuck."

"Shane." Rozanov said softly.

”Ilya, what the fuck are you doing here?” Shane hissed. 

“I came as surprise. We do not have game for few days-“ 

"Shane," Hayden said slowly. He wasn't sure what to say next, so he just looked at Shane, and then Rozanov, who was watching Shane with soft, worried eyes. “You can talk to us, you know.”

Shane looked up, his eyes wet and shiny. 

"I..."

"You need me to go or to stay?"

Shane's eyes got wetter, and his face twisted with panic. He reached out and clutched Rozanov's arm, even though the man hadn't moved an inch. 

"Stay. Please."

"Okay."

Hayden could tell that any moment now, Shane was going to finally let those tears fall.

"Right." Hayden said. "Why don't we talk about this in the lounge?"

Shane nodded slowly. He picked up the bags robotically, not meeting Hayden nor J.J's eyes. 

Hayden quickly chucked on his hoodie and jeans from last night. It felt awful, and he wanted nothing more than to go back to bed, but he wasn't going to go out there in only his boxers and a top. 

The movement made his stomach lurch violently. 

If there was ever a more unfortunate time to be horrifically hungover, Hayden would like to know.

Fuck this.

"Put on a top please, Ilya."

Hayden and J.J exchanged a look at the use of Rozanov's first name. Everything he'd seen since Shane arrived had only confirmed his suspicions. 

Shane walked into the lounge and sat awkwardly on the sofa. He dropped the bags onto the floor. 

A bottle of Gatorade bounced out and rolled towards J.J, who picked it up, shrugged, and chugged it. 

The both sat on the sofa opposite Shane, who was twisting his hands together in the way he did when he got anxious. 

Rozanov reappeared, finally fully clothed. 

Hayden shuddered in horror at the memory.

Hayden reached down and grabbed a cherry Gatorade for himself, drinking it slowly. His mouth felt disgusting, but cool drink helped to settle his stomach. 

He watched as Rozanov sat next to Shane, and very carefully did not touch him. 

Hm.

“So.” J.J prompted. “You have something to tell us, non?” 

Shane wiped his eyes but didn’t look at them. “I- I’m… I’m gay.”

This part wasn’t exactly a surprise for Hayden.

He had guessed that Shane maybe wasn’t so straight, as long ago as Rose Landry. What straight man lets Rose Landry go and then becomes best friends with her?

And even before Rose, Jackie had brought it up, asking if Hayden thought Shane could possibly be gay after their seventh failed attempt to set Shane up with one of Jackie’s friends. 

”Right. Okay.” J.J said, but his eyes didn’t leave Rozanov. “That’s, uh, cool with me, Hollzy.”

Something loosened in Hayden’s chest on hearing this.

He had hoped that J.J would be okay with Shane being gay, but they’d never discussed it. It wasn’t a topic of conversation you brought up in the MLH. It just wasn’t something that was done. 

”Yeah, um, thanks for telling us, Shane.” Hayden said. 

“And I’m really sorry, I didn’t tell you before-“

”It’s fine, Shane, really.“ Hayden said. 

He didn’t give a single fuck that Shane was gay. Not one fuck. 

The Rozanov of it all, on the other hand, still needed to be addressed. 

Hayden glanced at the man and, as if Shane could read his mind, he spoke. 

“And, um. I’m with- we’re…” Shane paused and made a gesture between the two of them, but said nothing else. 

Shane looked at Rozanov, who looked amused and opened his mouth. 

“Do not say it-“

“Lovers.”

Shane closed his eyes and sighed. “Why are you like this?” 

“Is not true? You do not love me anymore?” Rozanov teased lightly. 

Hayden froze.

Love?

He’d assumed a stupid hook-up, maybe, a mistaken incident turned into a few more mistakes. But not love.

That hadn’t even crossed his hand. 

Fucking hell, Shane really knew how to pick them, didn’t he?

Shane’s lips turned up slightly and his shoulders dropped marginally. 

“You know I do.” Shane said quietly. 

J.J let out a punched out sound. “How long?”

”What?”

“How long has this been going on for?”

The two exchanged a glance, and Hayden tensed, waiting for the response. 

“Um. Since, uh, Rookie season.”

Rozanov huffed. “Summer before, Hollander!” 

Hayden’s jaw dropped. 

Surely fucking not. 

There was no way.

That was before Hayden had even met Shane!

“So if you have problem with us being together and playing against each other, remember you have two Cups because of Shane, and you got them while he was with me.” Rozanov said, looking at the two of them with a stony expression. This was the Rozanov that Hayden recognised. 

Hayden hadn’t even thought for a second that Shane would ever let anything jeopardise his game; the guy was more intense about hockey than anyone he’d ever known. 

Clearly J.J had been thinking otherwise, as he immediately looked a little caught out. 

“Anyway, I am not winning anytime soon, even if Hollander were to let me. Remember, I am now in shittest team in league.” Rozanov half-smiled and shrugged, as if to say ‘what can you do?’. 

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you guys, really. I just…” Shane trailed off. “But it wasn’t only my secret to tell. And Russia’s not exactly good about these kinds of things. It would have been too risky for Ilya. Besides, the MHL it’s - well, you guys know what it’s like.”

”I suppose that is fair, Hollander.” J.J said slowly.

“Wait,” Hayden burst out as a thought occurred to him. “Did you leave Boston for Shane?”

J.J gasped. “Non.”

“Yes.” He reached over and took Shane’s hand, who smiled, though it was shaky at best.

Hayden glanced at J.J, who let out an incredulous laugh. 

“You are fucking crazy, Hollander. Secretly fucking your rival since rookie season? Criss.” J.J laughed. 

“My head hurts.” Hayden joked. 

“I do not think I would believe it, but unfortunately I still have the image of Rozanov naked in my brain.” J.J added, shuddering. 

”You are welcome.” Rozanov winked. 

”What?” Shane choked out, looking frantically between the three of them. “You - what?” 

J.J lifted his hands. “Do not look at me, Hollander. I walk in to find Hayd and Rozanov on the floor together in your bedsheets!” 

”What?”

"Don't!” Hayden said suddenly feeling sick again. "I'll never be the same again. I think I need to be baptised or something, like made pure again with holy water or whatever because I feel dirty-"

”Ha!” J.J barked out another laugh.

”What?” Shane repeated. “What the fuck did I miss?” 

"This is the best day of my life." J.J said, cackling. "I am only sad that no one will ever believe that this happened."

"How can I live in a world where I know Ilya Rozanov has touched my ass?" Hayden moaned, dragging his hands down his face.

"How do you think I feel Pike, was flattest ass I have ever grabbed-"

"And how many is that, you manwhore-"

Shane glared at both of them. "Shut up or explain. Now.” 

Oops. That’s was Shane’s Cap voice. 

"Sorry, Shane."

“I am sorry, sweetheart.” Rozanov looked contrite. Hayden soaked in the expression, feeling smug all of a sudden. 

Maybe this relationship wasn’t such a bad thing if it reigned Rozanov in like this. 

J.J just grinned.