Rating:

Teen And Up Audiences

Archive Warning:

No Archive Warnings Apply

Category:

M/M

Fandoms:

Heated Rivalry (TV), Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid

Relationships:

Shane Hollander/Ilya Rozanov, Shane Hollander & Hayden Pike

Characters:

Shane Hollander, Hayden Pike, Ilya Rozanov, Montreal Voyageurs | Montreal Metros Team Ensemble (Game Changers)

Additional Tags:

Locker Room Talk, Crack Treated Seriously, ish, Casual misogyny, Queerness in Straight Spaces, Anal Sex (mentioned), shane is NOT outted to his team i prommy, hayden is trying his best. his best is not very good, shane tries to blow him up with his mind etc, an alarming number of euphamisms for anal sex, Shane Hollander Captaincy Thesis, Character Study, arguably. from the outside., POV Outsider, POV Hayden Pike

Language:

English

Series:

Part 2 of odd man rush

Stats:

Published: 2026-03-28 Words: 6,016 Chapters: 1/1

five hole

Summary

The scene that greets him in Shane’s living room is at first much tamer than expected, and then wildly horrifying.

Tails, standing in front of the bookshelf, is cradling a decorative wooden box in one arm. In his other hand, there’s a bottle of something.

It’s a grey squeeze tube with boxy white lettering. There’s something familiar about it. It takes Hayden a second to place, and then he blurts, “Fuck.”

Because it’s lube.

 

Or: Shane's teammates find his lube. It doesn't go the way Hayden expects.

Notes

this is a sequel! if you haven’t read backdoor you will be missing a lot of context. but i guess in fairness so is hayden.

this fic takes place in the fall of 2017, about a year after backdoor and a few months after the cottage. in my heart, shane comes out to hayden and jj at the beginning of the season, and his teammates probably closer to the end.
this fic exists in some unholy amalgamation of book and show canon. it probably leans book.

i want to be so unbelievably clear that parts of this internal narration are!!! kind of homophobic!!! hayden has reductive and stereotypical ideas about gay men!!! he is at no point trying to be offensive to shane but that does not mean he fully succeeds!!!
please do not for the love of god take this as prescriptive or informative on normative or healthy sex (or attitudes towards it). hayden and all these other hockey players are stupid. this is a work of fiction

CWs: some pretty unprogressive and uninformed (tho primarily well-intentioned) perspectives on queer people, casual locker room misogyny

Hayden is usually a regular amount of punctual, which means any time in the first fifteen minutes is just fine. Today, though, he’s trying for early. First guy there, even.

Shane doesn’t host a lot. Never has. In fact, ever since they named him captain, he’s hosted twice a year. Once in the fall after the first roadie, and once in March after the trade deadline. Both had more or less the same purpose: the team for the foreseeable future was set, and Shane wanted to welcome in the new guys, make sure everyone had his phone number, and nail down the dynamic.

Shane is a quiet leader, more of a presence and example than a voice, but Hayden has watched him learn how to pick his moments over the years. A quiet word here, a clap on the shoulder there, a steady hand on the rudder.

These gatherings are among those careful moments: Not one of J.J.’s rowdy parties, not the full family affairs Hayden and Jackie throw, but just dinner, a pack of hockey players sprawled across Shane’s couch and dining room and kitchen, a group co-existing. The way Shane brings guys into the fold and finds them a place to fit.

It’s an invitation to his home, but more than that, it’s an invitation into the team: this is who we are, come find the place in it to fit. Show up like the rest of us plan to day in and day out, Shane foremost among them. You follow him, or you fall behind.

So: Hayden intends to arrive early. He has an A, for fuck’s sake. And he’s curious to see if the vibes will have changed now that Shane is in a house, rather than an apartment.

This plan is waylaid by the fact that he has four kids under the age of six at home.

Hayden arrives at 6:17, which is two minutes later than usual and twenty minutes later than he intended. The nature of hockey players means that he is still among the first half to arrive. 

“New guys are in the kitchen,” Shane explains as Hayden toes off his shoes, “The other guys are in the living room. Tails and Willy and Berky, so far.” 

“Cool,” Hayden says, but before he can follow Shane to the kitchen, Tails yelps in the other room. 

“Holy fuck!” 

That can’t be good. 

“Shit, I should–” Shane starts, and then the doorbell rings. 

Hayden claps Shane on the shoulder. “I’ve got it,” he says, and makes for the living room. 

The scene that greets him in the living room is at first much tamer than expected, and then wildly horrifying. 

Tails, standing in front of the bookshelf, is cradling a decorative wooden box in one arm. In his other hand, there’s a bottle of something. 

It’s a grey squeeze tube with boxy white lettering. There’s something familiar about it. It takes Hayden a second to place, and then he blurts, “Fuck.” 

Because it’s lube. He knows it’s lube. He’s seen it before, but in miniature, a travel size tucked in amongst Shane’s toiletries last April, and again just a week ago. 

(Hayden’s not a snoop on purpose, but he forgets to pack his 3-in-1 shower gel on roughly 70% of all roadies. He’s a busy father of four, okay? This is usually fine because they stay in nice hotels with all manner of complimentary soaps, but the shower gel at the Four Seasons in Boston gives him hives. So he borrows, sometimes. And sometimes he finds things he’s not supposed to find.)

In retrospect, it should maybe not have been so shocking when Shane sat him down in August and said he was gay. 

Not that only gay people use lube. Hayden Pike has been married for five years, and he and Jackie aren’t particularly adventurous, but sometimes you need a little help to make things go smoothly. 

Shane doesn’t really hook up on roadies. Except in Boston. So, right. Of course he had lube in his toiletries bag. He’s a prepared kind of guy. Prepared for anything, including his steamy gay Boston fuck fest.

Still. Hayden knowing that people use lube for normal sex does not necessarily equate to his teammates knowing it. Hayden’s not J.J., but he’s definitely in the upper half of enlightened guys on the team. Top three, maybe, except Andy’s scary girlfriend seems like she might be teaching him a thing or two. 

Hayden can’t believe Shane was so careless. Like, obviously Hayden is fine with the gay thing, but it’s a secret for a fucking reason, right? 

And what else are they supposed to think? Even before Hayden knew Shane was gay, Shane hadn’t read as a guy who was, like, smashin’ puss in his living room. Or ass, for that matter. 

Except, apparently, maybe he is. 

“Fuckin’ crazy, right?” Tails says, brandishing the bottle. 

Willy is fucking bouncing in his seat. It can’t be good for Shane’s couch springs, although if the living room lube is anything to go off, maybe the couch has seen worse. 

Fuck. Hayden has to lock in and redirect this conversation stat.

Then Willy says, “Holly’s such a beast, dude. Doesn’t even wait to get ‘em upstairs,” which is not where Hayden thought this conversation was going.

“Maybe that’s part of the thrill,” Berky says with a mysterious air. “Like, getting nasty all exposed in the living room.” 

Hayden’s teammates seem to have inexplicably come to a single collective conclusion without his input at all. And given that they’re not totally freaked out by it, maybe they haven’t figured out the lube is for doing butt stuff with dudes. 

Maybe Hayden’s out of touch. He hasn’t been single in six years. Maybe all the kids are using lube for regular sex these days. He rocks back on his heels as Tails speaks again. 

“Wait, you don’t think he’s getting ass on the couch, do you?” 

Oh. So they do know it’s butt stuff. Fuck. 

Willy practically leaps off the couch. “Gross, don't say that shit, man!”

“Guys,” Hayden finds his voice, and it cuts through the chatter. Unfortunately, he hasn’t really formed a coherent follow-up. Um. “Chill the fuck out.” There, that’s never the wrong place to start. 

Willy shrinks back down a little guiltily. “No, you’re right, Holly probably uses industrial grade cleaner on this place.” 

“Is that really appropriate to be saying about your captain?” Hayden snaps. 

“I mean, it’s butt stuff…” Berky murmurs with a wrinkle of his nose as though it is self-evidently gross as Tails speaks over him:

“We’re not snooping, Hayd, I was just looking for a coaster.” 

The sweating glass on Shane’s coffee table corroborates his story. Tails has been on the team for four fucking years, so he really should know about the coaster rule by now. Fuck, Shane is stricter than Jackie. He’s stricter than Hayden’s mom.

“And anyway, we know Holly’s shooting backdoor, bro, he fucking told us, remember?” 

Hayden blinks. What the fuck? There’s no way in the world he would’ve forgotten Shane coming out to the team. And, moreover, there’s no fucking way Tails would ever be this fucking chill about it, right?

Shit, maybe Hayden’s the closeminded one. He never asks about Shane’s sexual exploits with men. 

“Nah,” Berky cuts in, “Hayd was out sick that day, I think.” 

Seriously, there’s no fucking way that Shane came out to the team while Hayden was sick and then didn’t tell him. It’s not possible. It’s just not possible. 

“Hey, you ever get around to trying it, Willy?” Berky adds, turning to Wilson. 

Okay, what the fuck for real this time. Wilson is married. He can’t be gay too. 

…Right? Hayden thinks vaguely he might need to read about the rest of the letters that the plus stands for after LGBTQ+ just to be sure. 

Fuck, he’s a terrible friend. 

Willy blushes. “Yeah, two or three times. It was… I dunno, it’s a lot of work. Do you guys think it’d be weird if I asked Holly about the toy thing?”

Hayden’s brain has blue screened. There are no words being strung together in his mind, no logical through line he can follow. The world has been turned upside down without his knowing. And somehow, he has to deal with it, because he told Shane he would.

“Dude, google exists,” Berky says more than a little emphatically. 

Hayden could kiss him. 

Tails pouts. “But how else are we gonna get Holly sex stories?” 

It’s static. Nothing makes sense. Who are these people and what have they done with Hayden’s teammates. 

And how the fuck is Hayden the least chill with Shane being gay? Fuck.

“What about my sex stories?” Shane says from the doorway behind Hayden. Shit. Hayden does not have this handled. Shane continues, “I swear to fuck Tails, can you use a coaster, dude?” 

God, Hayden wasn’t even on top of that situation. And he knows where the coasters are, at least. 

“Sorry, Holly. I was lookin’ for one and, uh…” Tails holds up the lube with a smirk. “Goin’ five hole in the living room, eh buddy?”

Shane goes pink, but he laughs. “Fuck off, Tails. Stop looking through my shit, the coasters are literally on the shelf below.” 

Tails lays the bottle back in the box and snaps it shut, still grinning. “My bad, cap.” He replaces the box on the shelf and retrieves a coaster. When he turns back to them, he looks sly. “No condoms though. You hittin’ it raw, you dirty fuckin’ dog?” 

“Jesus, no,” Shane says a second too late to be entirely believable. “No, fuck off Tails, I just ran out.”

Berky laughs from the couch. “Always gotta be a good example, eh?” 

Shane rolls his eyes. “Safe sex is important.” 

Hayden is still floundering. Nothing is clearer than it was before Shane arrived and, in fact, there’s a lot that's less clear. Since when does he live in a world where Shane can laugh about Tails finding his living room lube. 

God, Hayden hasn’t even unpacked that mentally. He didn’t know Shane was picking up, let alone… well. Going five hole in the living room, as Tails so eloquently put it. Raw, apparently. 

Tails shakes his head, still impressed. “Where the fuck are you finding these girls, man? Chicks always make me wrap it up.” 

Oh. So they don’t know– but they do know it’s– okay. Okay. Right. 

Shane hasn’t come out at all. They think, somehow, that he’s doing anal with women. Sure. And in retrospect, that’s a more reasonable leap of logic to make based on lube than, like, fully gay. 

It’s just that Shane seems to have told them that? Which isn’t like Shane at all. The Shane Hayden knows hates locker room sex talk. The Voyageurs are a storied franchise, so they have standards about what flies - no names, no pictures, and nothing mean to the faceless women whose recollected bodies entertain the masses. Shane shuts down anything that inches even near the line and barely tolerates the shit that’s well within it. 

Hayden thought it was awkwardness, and a healthy respect for the franchise and his mother both. In his most uncharitable moments, sometimes Hayden thought it was because Shane wasn’t having sex at all. 

Clearly, the thing that’s been holding Shane back is subject matter. Sure.

Berky snorts. “You got chlamydia twice this year, Tailsy. They’re making you wrap it for your own fucking good.”

“I thought it was three times,” Mitty chirps from the hallway. 

Tails flips Mitty off wildly. “Oh, fuck off! It was once, it just kept coming back. And anyway, this is about Holly being a fucking dog, not me!” 

“I keep my shit clean, Tailsy, sounds like you’re the dog,” Shane says dryly as he turns to go. “I gotta babysit the catering. Try not to find any more of my secrets. And use a fucking coaster!”

There’s a beat of silence in his absence, and then Willy murmurs, amazed, “Fuckin’ beauty.”

Mitty shoulders in past Hayden to the living room, saying, “Get yourself a beer brother.”

Hayden blinks, and takes the out. 

In the hallway, Shane’s nudging the pile of shoes at his front door into something like a row. Hayden closes the distance quickly and hisses under his breath, “The fuck was that?” 

Shane glances up at him and frowns. “I mean, I don’t know how you think I’m having sex,” he says quietly.

Hayden splutters. “What? No, that’s– no. Oh my god. I– assumed, I guess, that’s fine, that’s whatever. How do they fucking know any of that?”

“Oh.” Shane’s expression clears and he shrugs. “Um, Willy asked for advice last year. About, you know… and, anyway, it was in the locker room, so it got around, I guess. No big deal.” 

Hayden watches Shane budge a pair of Nikes so large they can only belong to Berky into line. “I guess it was good cover.” 

Shane pauses over the marginally more orderly collection of footwear for a second. “Sure,” he says, and then is interrupted by his doorbell, followed immediately by Andy bursting through. 

“Sup boys!” 

Hayden watches Shane’s face settle back into his Welcoming And Responsible Captain mask and wonders what other depths Shane had been hiding all these years. 

In the end, when the guys have cleared out, it’s just Shane and Hayden cleaning up after the whirling dervish that is a hockey team. J.J. had meant to stay as the other alternate, but Shane foisted Stenlund, their Swedish rookie who apparently can’t hold three beers, off on him. Usually the Euro guys show up a little more able to hold their liquor, but Stenner has a similar intensity to Shane. 

There’s no shame in that. Everyone’s slept off a hangover in J.J.’s guest room before. There’s not really a better place to wake up after a long night of drinking because J.J. has blackout curtains and will feed you the best breakfast of your life. 

Hayden almost misses those days. Almost. 

Anyway, he’s sort of glad to have Shane to himself because it turns out J.J. fucking knew. That’s what he’d said, anyway, when Hayden cornered him halfway through the party. 

“It was shocking at the time,” J.J. had said, “But I have always said Hollander has hidden depths. And it makes more sense now, doesn’t it?” Then J.J. got a distant look in his eye. “Actually, I have this sex therapist friend he should meet…”

“For therapy?” Hayden had asked stupidly. 

“No, for sex.” The conversation ended there. 

So, whatever. The point is that Hayden has been dying to properly interrogate Shane about the situation for like four hours. And Shane, two beers in, is nearly the perfect candidate for questioning. 

When the cleanup’s done, Hayden grabs another two Molsons from the fridge and slaps one in Shane’s hand where he’s slouched on the couch. 

Shane’s nose wrinkles. “I’m good, Hayd.” 

“C’mon, long stressful day, have a beer with me, buddy. Gotta relax, man.” Hayden collapses onto the other side of the couch. 

Shane looks at the beer in his hand with some reluctance for a moment. It’s a gamble, because Shane doesn’t drink a lot during the season. He’ll have a beer out with the boys once and a while, and on rare occasions, let someone coax him into shots. Usually when they’re at the club and there’s a girl flirting with him. Which, in retrospect– Okay. Hayden’s not sure he’s ever seen Shane go home with a girl while he was sober. Maybe not even with less than three drinks in him, and usually four or five. 

Shane has always been so squeaky clean, so well behaved, never distracted or self-destructive. Shane is effortful in everything. It feels stupid now that Hayden never considered the effort it might take for Shane to touch a girl back. That he never connected the nights Shane drank with the nights he took someone home.

Shane always says he doesn’t like drinking. 

Before Hayden can second guess the third beer, Shane sighs and cracks it open. Probably it’s fine. Three drinks spread out over a couple of hours and high-quality catering is not the same as when Shane is like, psyching himself up, or whatever. Right? 

If that’s what he was doing at all. Maybe he really was fucking girls in the ass. As a proxy or whatever. Hayden has given very little thought to Shane’s sex life.

Or, that’s not quite true. Hayden has historically been more invested in Shane’s sex life than he probably needs to be, but that’s because he’s a good fucking bro who wants to get his buddy laid. But he doesn’t really think about what Shane is like during, y’know, the act. Shane doesn’t share much. Or didn’t. Except now he’s telling the guys about anal. So Hayden doesn’t know what to think. 

“Everything alright?” Shane asks, and Hayden realizes he’s been staring at his own can of beer with alarming intensity. 

Right. Gotta be chill, and normal, and accepting, so Shane will tell him what the actual fuck is going on and why Hayden hasn’t been a part of it. Has he made Shane think he wouldn’t be chill with it? Because– okay. So he hasn’t been entirely chill about it today. But that changes now. Hayden is soooo fucking chill. 

He cracks open his bear and takes a long slug. “Everything’s fuckin’ peachy, dude.” That’s normal, right? 

Shane’s brows pinch together. “Okay.”

“Just, um.” Hayden pauses. Admittedly, his game plan started and ended with the beer. That’s why Jackie is the planner of the two of them. She says Hayden’s a doer. He has drive and gumption, whatever that means. Hayden clears his throat. “I didn’t think you liked guys talking about sex in the locker room.” 

“Well, Willy wanted advice,” Shane says, like that explains anything. 

“And you were the guy to give it?” 

“No one else had an answer,” Shane says. And I did, goes unspoken. 

“Okay,” says Hayden. “It’s just, you never join in. You know, on hookup talk.”

Shane squints at Hayden for a long moment. In fairness, it’s a little hypocritical of Hayden to say because Hayden doesn’t get in on the shop talk much these days either. You don’t talk about your wife that way, and he’s not getting any on the side. But Shane’s single. Shane used to pick up girls. And evidently, Shane is picking up guys on the regular. 

Not that Hayden thinks Shane would talk about guys in the locker room, but, well, clearly Shane knows how to make one thing sound like the other. 

“It’s not that I totally dislike talking about sex,” Shane says eventually. “I’m pretty private, I guess. But Rose and I talk about it all the time.” 

Hayden tries not to be hurt by that. That apparently Rose fucking Landry knows that Shane is gay and talks about sex with him, when he and Shane have just… never. 

“But I’m not a good liar,” Shane continues plainly, “and, anyway, I don’t– I’m gay. I don’t like having sex with women. I don’t have anything good to say about it.” 

“Oh.” Right. And that… makes sense, Hayden supposes. He just had kind of assumed, when Shane came out, that Shane was awkward about sex regardless. But Hayden is chill and cool and supportive. “You know you can talk to me, yeah?” 

Shane looks at him skeptically. “Sure.” Neither of them believe it. 

“If you want to,” Hayden adds. Just to drive it home. 

“I’ll keep that in mind,” Shane says dryly. 

To be honest, Hayden mostly instigated this conversation because he wanted the inside scoop on what the hell Shane said in the locker room. Instead, he’s out of his depth and no closer to understanding why Shane was so forthcoming, even if it came back around to being useful today. 

Hayden’s eyes find the wooden box on the shelf. He’s just never gonna think about it the same way ever again. Or, oh god, the couch. That he’s sitting on. 

Probably, Shane is too particular about cleanliness for that to be an issue. Hayden is banking on that. 

“Just—“ Hayden starts again before he’s sure of what he means to say, but he finds his way through anyway: “You didn’t have to say anything, even if you had advice. Willy could’ve googled it.”

Shane’s face pinches. “Do you think I shouldn’t have?”

“No, no, of course not,” Hayden hastens to say. “The guys think you’re a fucking legend.” Shane rolls his eyes at that. “But why did you?”

Shane looks vaguely into the middle distance. “I guess… It can go wrong. Like, really wrong, especially the first time, or if you’re not careful. Willy and Sylvie didn’t deserve that.” Shane glances down. “I guess I don’t know if Willy actually did it, but…”

“He did,” Hayden blurts. “Um, he said so. When they found your lube.” It feels deeply embarrassing to describe it as Shane’s, but of course it is. 

“Oh. Well, good, I guess. I hope it helped.”

“I think it did,” Hayden says, and doesn’t elaborate. Shane takes a sip of his beer and Hayden does the same. 

It’s a good reason. Kind, thoughtful. Generous, even.  A captainly reason. 

Reporters speculate sometimes about Shane’s captaincy. They say he’s quiet, maybe awkward. Polished in front of the media, of course, but how does that translate in the locker room? 

They don’t know shit, obviously. Like, okay, all that is true. But Shane doesn’t need to be loud all the time to be loud at the right times. Every captain is different. Reporters say sometimes that Rozanov is the driving force behind the Bears, the spark that moves them. And maybe that works for the Bears. But Shane is the Voyageurs’ north star. A paragon, an inspiration, the guy who knows the way to greatness. 

Maybe Shane’s expectations are high, but they have two cups to show for it. Who can argue with the results?

(There will come a moment, years later, after Hayden royally screws up and almost ruins Shane’s life, when he thinks that it all should have been enough. That all those years of Shane being a steadfast exemplar will mean something, at least to the guys in the room. 

But it won’t save him, not in the face of evidence that Shane has been hiding a way a part of himself they don’t like. 

As if the rest of it hasn’t been real. As if they couldn’t have seen that obviously Shane has some kind of vice. He just knows how to keep it out of hockey. 

The trouble, of course, is that they won’t believe Shane does that either.)

Then something occurs to Hayden. “Hey. When you say things can go wrong, you didn’t mean— I mean, did something happen?” 

Shane blinks. “To me?”

Hayden nods hesitantly. 

“No, nothing like that,” Shane says. “I did a lot of research before I tried it for the first time. Read a lot of, like, forums and reddit and stuff. So I’ve heard the horror stories. But never— it’s only ever been good for me.” Shane is blushing slightly, but more than that he looks tender in a way Hayden’s only seen when Shane is texting his Boston girl. Or, guy, maybe. Lily. “The guy I did it with first, he… he knew how to make it good. He always— anyway,” Shane cuts himself off and clears his throat. “I guess I just wanted to give Willy that same confidence.”

“Right.” Hayden drums his fingers against the side of his beer can. “I mean, good.”

Shane snorts and sips his own beer, sinking into the corner of the couch. Hayden knows that for what it is: Shane’s social battery is rapidly depleting. There’s only so much time for debrief, and Hayden is taking it up in favour of… what, grilling his captain about the gay sex he’s having? No. No, that would be weird, this is more about understanding Shane’s comfort with sex talk in the room. Figuring out his boundaries. Making space for him to open up about his gay experiences. If he wants. 

That’s supposed to be important, Hayden’s pretty sure. Like that’s maybe half of Jackie’s gay cousin’s job at the library. Maybe less than half. Hayden is not clear on what Jackie’s gay cousin does for work, except that it is at the library and sometimes related to being gay. The two gay people Hayden knows: a hockey player and a librarian. 

Hayden worries about Shane sometimes, okay? For a long time, Hayden worried Shane was lonely. He still wonders about that, but clearly Shane is picking up often enough to keep lube in the living room, so maybe that’s not a concern. Although… 

Hayden’s thoughts return to the box, both its contents and the glaring absence. Shane… Shane did research, so he probably knows, right? Like, he’s careful. 

Except, Hayden also thought Shane was shy about sex, so maybe Hayden doesn’t know anything at all about how Shane operates when it comes to intimacy. 

“Hey, you’re using condoms, right?” He asks, breaking the silence of several minutes.

Shane starts. “What the fuck?”

“Well,” Hayden says, “there weren’t any in the box. And, like, I know you can’t get a guy pregnant, but–”

Shane wheezes. “Sorry– um. You think I–? No, nevermind, that’s not important.”

 “But it is,” Hayden says earnestly. “STDs can be serious. Are you on PrEP?” That’s something else he knows about from Jackie’s cousin. Not from, like, talking to him. From overhearing a conversation he had with his sister last summer. But still. Hayden knows what’s going on. Kind of.

“How the fuck do you even–” Shane cuts himself off with a shake of his head. “You know what, that doesn’t matter. Hayden. Buddy. Respectfully, that’s really none of your business. I need you to trust me to protect my own body. I know me having gay sex is new to you, but it’s not new to me, okay? I’ve been doing this for a long time.”

Hayden slumps. “Okay. Yeah, no, sorry, you’re right. I just– you’re always so good at looking out for the new guys about that stuff, and… I sort of figured that probably no one ever gave you the right talk.”

Shane’s face does something complicated, like he’s both deeply annoyed and also sort of touched. “I guess,” he says. “It wasn’t that it was– it wasn’t totally irrelevant. I have had sex with women. Not for a while, and it’s not like– or, there wasn’t a lot of pregnancy risk, but there was some. And all the other stuff too, I guess.” Shane looks wildly embarrassed. 

Hayden’s not sure what’s embarrassing about sleeping with women, even if you are gay, but his grasp on the culture is tenuous at best. More importantly, he doesn’t know what Shane means about the low pregnancy risk thing. Does he just mean he was wrapping it every time? Is he lowkey infertile? Was it mainly blowies and handies? Or– “I guess when you’re bumming them–”

“Jesus, Hayd,” Shane bursts out. 

“Sorry, is that not how you say— were you not—“

“No, it’s not, and no, I wasn’t.” 

“Okay.” Hayden exhales, and realizes he’s leaned forward to rest his elbows on his knees. Way too invested. He retreats back. “Okay, so you were just giving advice based on fucking guys.” 

“I don’t know why you’re so fucking fixated on this,” Shane says, running a hand down his face. “J.J. once spent twenty-five minutes before a game telling an AHL call-up how to eat pussy from the back. Did you grill him too?”

“Well, no.” Hayden pauses. If he’s completely honest, it’s not just the uncharacteristic openness that’s throwing Hayden for a loop. Obviously, that’s a big part of it, but it’s becoming increasingly clear that Shane’s silence on all matters sexual had more to do with him not having anything to say than it did a particular aversion to the broad subject matter. Maybe the reason this is throwing Hayden for a loop is he just can’t fucking picture it. 

He’s only ever seen Shane with girls, knows his whole shy and respectful guy shtick that chicks eat up. Sometimes a woman likes to be the one driving the encounter and setting the pace, likes a guy who won’t push their boundaries. And probably Shane fit that niche at least partly because he isn’t actually interested in women at all. But Hayden just can’t imagine Shane… what, turning on the moves? Flirting with a man? 

Taking him home and bending him over his couch?

Going five hole in the living room, Tails’ voice echoes through Hayden’s head. Shooting backdoor. Fuck, he needs to stop thinking about that part. 

So, okay, he’s curious. He’s trying to wrap his head around this whole new version of Shane who is forming in Hayden’s brain. The Shane who likes casual sex, and likes talking about it, and knows how to pick up without his teammates setting him up. 

“I guess I just don’t know what you’re like with a guy you’re into,” Hayden says eventually.

Shane looks at Hayden incredulously for a beat, and then buries his face in his hands. “No,” he says, voice muffled, “no, you really fucking don’t.” Whatever the fuck that means. Shane peaks through his fingers at Hayden. “Why are you so fucking curious?”

“Because I care about you, dude! I want to know you. And you said you like talking about sex!” Hayden doesn’t realize he’s clenching his fist till the beer can dents under his fingers. He lightens his grip and tries to speak more calmly. This isn’t a fight. He’s being a good friend and teammate. “I know you talk about it with Rose, but if you want to bro-down about it, I’m here.”

Shane has removed his head from his hands by now, which is probably a good sign, but he still looks disbelieving. Then he exhales, runs a hand through his hair, and says, “Fine. Okay, fine. Why not?” Shane makes eye contact for one brief second and then fixes his gaze on the fireplace across the room. “The last time I hooked up with the guy I’m seeing, he blew me against the front door and then fucked me so good I came untouched. Is that what you wanted to fucking hear?” 

Oh! So the– and Shane’s not– okay. Hayden feels like he’s been knocked in the head, maybe by a very large church bell, leaving him reeling with Shane’s words ringing in his head. “Oh,” Hayden says vacantly. 

“Jesus,” Shane mutters, and then stands to gather the coasters that are scattered over his coffee table. 

It’s just that Hayden had it all fucking wrong. And it sort of makes more sense this way. Suddenly, Hayden can see Shane in the scenario, letting some guy in a club put his hand on Shane’s bicep and then his neck, letting him slink closer all night, while Shane plays coy. Fuck, and Shane’s so pretty, of course guys are all over him. 

Except– “You’re seeing someone?” 

Shane looks up from the coffee table. He looks tense, but the question makes his eyes go soft. “Yeah,” Shane says, then looks back down. “Or, kind of.” 

“In Boston?” Shane goes still, and Hayden takes another swing: “Lily?” 

Shane’s shoulders are creeping up towards his ears, and then he closes his eyes and exhales it all in one rush of breath. “Yeah.” 

“I’m glad it’s working out,” Hayden offers.

Shane studies him for a long moment. Then he huffs a laugh and says, “The fuck kind of bro-down is this? Getting sentimental on me, Hayd.” 

“Hey, I’m trying to be supportive!” 

“You tried to lecture me about condoms. You,” Shane says it with a sparkle in his eye, the kind he gets when he’s teasing. Shane is sneaky funny and sneaky mean, when he wants to be. When he trusts you with it. 

“Fuck off, man, it was for the STDs,” Hayden says, grinning, although, really, he’s one to talk because he and Jackie have made some questionable decisions because they like it unwrapped. But he loves his kids, so it’s not like he has regrets. 

“Sure, dude,” Shane laughs, then perches on the other end of the couch and sobers again. “Look, I know you mean well, but we don’t have to be bros who talk about sex. It’s not like you talk about it much either.”

“Right,” Hayden says, feeling both oddly hurt and a little relieved. “But that’s cause it’s Jackie.”

Shane raises an eyebrow. “Lily,” he says, gesturing to himself. 

Okay, yeah, fair enough. Except that– “You talk to Rose about it.”

“It’s different with Rose.”

“How so?” 

“I’ve had sex with her, for one,” Shane says, exasperated. “I don’t know, Hayd, our relationship is just different. Maybe it’s because she sleeps with men, so she gets it.”

Hayden refrains from pointing out that he is a man. It’s occurring to him that maybe that doesn’t necessarily mean he knows the ins and outs of having sex with one. Like, he’d probably be pretty lost giving a blowie. 

He could learn though, couldn’t he? That’s not something gay guys just know how to do, like, innately. 

“Alright, man,” Hayden says. “Am I ever gonna get to meet this Lily?” 

Shane frowns. “Um, maybe. Not now. Maybe not soon. It’s– whatever.” 

“Okay.” Hayden shrugs. “I’m chill, man. Whatever you want.”

Shane studies him for a beat, and then claps his hands on his thighs. “Thanks, man. I gotta start the dishwasher, and then I might just go to bed, so…”

Hayden stands. “Yeah, yeah, I get it, I’ll get out of your hair. Good shindig, dude.”

—

The box on Shane’s shelf will disappear around the time he comes out to the rest of the team. Hayden won’t ask, and neither will anyone else. The evidence of Shane’s sexual prowess will be carefully erased from the joke rolodex of the Montreal Voyageurs.

In a year, Hayden will be glad he and Shane don’t talk about sex. The thought of Rozanov being the one to– eugh. 

Hayden will try not to be a bit icked by the couch, and he’ll mostly succeed because he really does trust Shane’s meticulousness. He’ll still wish it was someone else bending Shane over.

And a few years after that– Well. Hayden will wonder what else he could have done. Will wonder where the cracks were forming that he could’ve filled, which guys might’ve come around with a slap to the back of the head, and which guys he and J.J. should’ve been riding to shut the fuck up. 

He’ll wonder if he made it worse when he egged on J.J.’s matchmaking attempts. 

But the time will pass. Shane will leave, of course, but maybe that’s Hayden’s penance. If you blow shit sky high, even by accident, you can’t expect the wreckage to be the same as how you found it. 

J.J. will go next, off to Vancouver to play with Andropov who’s apparently cooler than he let on, and Mitty will retire because he tears his groin twice in sixteen months. And Tails is still there, talking his shit, and Comeau and Drapeau who have always been the fucking worst, actually. 

And Hayden will think about his contract ending in a year, and his kids who have never known another city, his wife who loves living half an hour from her parents, and he’ll wonder.

Sometimes you put up with a shitty team situation for someone you love. Hayden has doubted Shane’s relationship more than he likes to admit, but staring down the barrel of this, he’ll see that sometimes love is about making hard choices. 

So he’ll wonder. He’ll talk to Jackie, who’s smart, who’s a planner. And he’ll wonder.