Rating:

Mature

Archive Warning:

No Archive Warnings Apply

Category:

M/M

Fandoms:

Heated Rivalry (TV), Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid

Relationships:

Shane Hollander/Ilya Rozanov, Hayden Pike & Ilya Rozanov

Additional Tags:

Hayden Finds Out, Sexting, Secret Relationship, Coming Out, POV Hayden Pike, Not Canon Compliant, Pre-Relationship, Idiots in Love, Chaos Puppy Ilya Rozanov, Internalized Homophobia, Relationship Reveal, Hayden & Ilya friendship, Texting Fic, (in the last three chapters), Crack Treated Seriously, Crack, Invasion of Privacy, Podfic Available

Language:

English

Series:

Part 1 of Haydenov Phone Swap

Collections:

THE COTTAGE, thiccboimork's reading list, Rainbows Fade Stories Stay, hollanov faves <3, Hollanov, my favorites ♡, ella's hollanov hall of fame 🏒, Stoopid Gay Hockey Players, Nohn's Favorites, HR_hockey, In this glass house we are free, ˙⟡.Hollanov˙⟡., Heated Rivalry ➻ Ilya Grigoryevich Rozanov / Shane Hollander, *Heated rivalry melts my heart*, greenlight, All the faves

Stats:

Published: 2026-01-08 Completed: 2026-01-11 Words: 17,661 Chapters: 4/4

I Like Jane For You

Summary

After a mix-up leaves Hayden with the wrong phone for three days, he ends up learning more about Ilya Rozanov and his secret girlfriend, Jane.

Another Hayden-Finds-Out, because we can't have too many.

*now with the extra continuing Hayden-Rozanov friendship text threads*

Notes

This started as a body swap, but the phones were the most fun part.

EDIT: After reading the books, I have decided to call this a Show/Book/Fanon Frankenstein monster. I haven't read the books, so this might be OOC or not accurate if you have. I might revisit this when I do, maybe not. This was just fun for me.

Set pre-tuna-melt.

**first chapter is still a standalone fic, the other three chapters are just fun**

The INCREDIBLE @masturblaine has translated this work into Russian (and provided the Russian word for "Do Not Text Jane")

• Translation into Русский available: Мне кажется, Джейн тебе подходит by masturblaine

Chapter 1: I Like Jane For You

Chapter Notes

Warning: This fic includes fanon-typical invasion of privacy. I don't condone anything these degenerates are doing, obviously.

Tuesday night home game. 
2015-2016 season. 
Final score: Boston 2-Montreal 3

Why did the guys always want to go out to the same bar as their opposing teams? It’s like they’re looking for a fight. And, since their captain rarely comes out with them, it falls on resident level-head Hayden Pike to make sure those fights don’t happen. Especially not in their home city.

Tonight the place is packed with Boston and Montreal players, the two teams only mingling when they approach the bar to scoop up drinks before heading back to their respective corners. Hayden is glad it’s a big room this time. Sometimes in smaller, packed bars, a brushed shoulder leads to a shove or some heated words. Now that he’s assessed the situation, he’ll sleep easier knowing he or Shane (or worse, Coach) won’t get called to retrieve anyone from jail. 

He pops up to the bar to settle his 2-beer tab. Jackie knows he’s out after the win and could be late. Hell— he scored the game-winning goal tonight, he should be celebrating. But he can’t help it, he misses his wife and wants to go home. He checks the time on his phone and sets it down on the bar, tapping his card against the bar top, waiting for a bartender’s attention. 

Too bad the bartender is currently helping World's Largest Asshole, Ilya Rozanov. His elbow brushes Hayden’s arm as he reaches to take the beer he’s being handed. The bartender asks if he’s starting a tab and Rozanov responds curtly, “No, just one.” Hayden cocks his head. Huh. He thought Rozanov stays out late at these things. 

“Early morning flight?” Hayden guesses out loud. He remembers Boston does actually have a game tomorrow night, and really no one from their team should even be here partying. 

“Sure.” Rozanov says distractedly, checking his phone. He’s texting. The look on his face is one Hayden has seen from almost every guy in the league. Rozanov is making hookup arrangements. Hayden is close enough to see a text thread open with the recipient Jane.

Jane: A car will be there for you in a half hour.
Jane: I left it open, just come up when you get here.
Ilya: 👍 

“Ah.” Hayden tears his eyes from the screen. Jackie has made him so nosy, such a bloodhound for gossip. “Well, good game. It’s always more fun to play against you.”

Rozanov puts his phone down on the bar next to his beer to look Hayden directly in the face. “What do you mean by that?” 

Maybe there’s a language barrier? Hayden thinks he didn’t use any weird words, though. “Just... the team rivalry? Goes back decades, right? Doesn’t hurt that you and Shane are in this crazy scoring race every season.” Rozanov’s phone lights up on the bar. Hayden’s eyes reflexively look down at the notification.

Jane: can’t fucking wait 

Rozanov didn’t notice. He’s sipping his beer and looking around the room. The phone screen turns black again. 

“He is ahead for now. But I will beat him.” Rozanov responds flatly. 

“I don’t know... he’s at home watching tape with a ginger ale, and you’re here, so...” Hayden smiles and shrugs. 

“Funny.” Rozanov states but doesn’t laugh, picking up his beer and his phone, slipping the latter into his pocket. He signs the receipt from the bartender. He tips $81 for one beer and flashes the receipt to Hayden with a smirk. His jersey number. Goddamn, he even makes tipping well into a dick move.

Hayden finally gets the bartender’s attention and settles up. He grabs his phone off the bar, pats his coat pocket for keys, and heads out.

When his phone alarm goes off the next morning, Hayden already knows something is wrong. He’s never heard his phone make that sound. 

“Is that your phone?” Jackie calls from the en-suite.

“Yeah— I’m not sure why it’s doing that.” He sits up and grabs it from the nightstand, shuts the alarm off. 

The background on the lock screen is a building Hayden has never seen before. Fuck, this isn’t his phone. Same phone, same phone case, but these notifications are not meant for him... 

Flight 2576 8:35am

Jane: You left your socks here
Jane: How does someone forget socks when they leave??
Jane: How did you put your shoes on???

Cliff: You left the bar? 
Cliff: Montreal girl?
Cliff: You’re whipped

These give no context clues as to the owner of this phone. Jane... why is that familiar? Cliff is maybe Cliff Marleau, Boston player? “I think I took someone else’s phone home from the bar.”

“What?? Oh god Hayden you drove home!” Jackie responds furiously, “how were you that drunk?”

“I wasn’t, I had two beers! It must have just been a mistake.”

“Call your number. Someone probably turned your phone in at the bar.”

He dials his own number. It’s not saved in the phone, scratching any hope the phone is a teammate’s.

A deep voice with a Russian accent answers the phone. “Hello?”

“Rozanov? Fuck.” Hayden sighs. Jackie mouths “swear jar” as if she didn’t just hear whose phone he has. “It’s Hayden Pike. You have my phone?"

“That explains some things. We have same phone. And phone... cover... thingy.” Rozanov trails off as his language fails him.

“Well!? Can I come switch them? Are you still at the hotel?”

“Ehh no. I am at airport. My airplane takes off in a half hour.”

“Fuck! What do we do?”

“On Friday our games are about a three hour's drive.” Well, he knew that information very quickly. “Meet me halfway, we will switch.”

“Ok. Ok.” Hayden breathes, half agreeing, half calming himself. “What do I do until then? I need a phone.”

“Use my phone.” Rozanov says simply. Before Hayden can be surprised at the kindness, he amends his statement. “Uh… for emergencies only. Do not answer calls. Do not read texts. Do not go through pictures. Do not go on my social media. Do not beat any levels in Candy Crush. Ah fuck, do not open uhh… web browser.”

“Yeah. Same. The pictures thing.” Fuck. There are nude pictures of Jackie on his phone. He’ll have to be on the lookout for blackmail in case Rozanov tries anything. “And if there’s anything that looks like an emergency, please text me about it. I have kids— everyone has that number.”

“I will.” Hayden didn’t expect the favor to be so quickly accepted. “Don’t do the same. Don’t look at anything.”

They hang up and Hayden saves his own number as Rozanov. Jackie is getting dressed. “I’m going to text you so you have this number in case of an emergency. Otherwise I have practice all day so if the team needs me, I’ll just be there.” He shoots a text to his wife, carefully not saving her number. He can delete these texts when all of this is done and Rozanov doesn’t have to sext his wife. 

Rozanov’s phone sits quietly away in Hayden’s bag all day. 

At practice, Hayden debates telling his team about it. Sure, it would be a lot of fun to watch the guys snoop into Rozanov’s life. Hell, there might even be some team strategy espionage they could do in his email. But Hayden’s probably the most moral person on the team, except maybe Shane, and he wouldn’t do that, no matter how much of an asshole Rozanov is. He has to just trust Rozanov is also following their rules. 

Still, Hayden needs to find something juicy to use if Rozanov ever thinks to leak Jackie’s pictures. And maybe he’s just a gossip fiend. 

So that night, kids in bed and Jackie watching TV in the next room, Hayden snoops. He starts with the text threads. There are two threads in the Russian Cyrillic alphabet, which Hayden doesn’t have the urge to run through a translator. The English-language threads Hayden can read are exactly what you’d expect from Rozanov. 

Lots of one-word messages and sexy selfies from influencer-type models with lip filler and fake eyelashes. To each his own, man, if Rozanov likes these types of girls, and lots of them, then by all means. Hayden would take a pregnant, tired Jackie over any of these ladies. The worst part is their names... Red Drink Girl, Corner Cafe Girl, Makeup Artist From Ad... One contact name is just Tinder 3/12/2015. There are only two girls’ first names. One is Svetlana, and the texts are in Russian with no risque pictures, so that could be a relative. 

The other is Jane, and Jane is… different. She texts things that aren’t just “you up?” Or “come to the club we need VIP access” or, most audaciously, a link to a very expensive bag. No, Jane is talking about Boston’s game tonight just minutes after it finished to Boston’s 5-3 dismay. 

Jane: can’t believe you got away with that hit
Jane: your defense fucked you hard, sorry
Jane: they’re holding you back.
Jane: 2 goals puts you only 5 behind
Jane: But you like being behind, right? 😉

So definitely not a relative, then. She really knows her hockey, even Rozanov’s weird rivalry with Shane. He scrolls up a little. It seems like they met up in Montreal the night the phones got swapped. Before that, Rozanov was counting down the days to see her. He doesn’t do that with his other texting partners. He barely responds to them. This is a true conversation, a back and forth. 

Their conversation is enthralling for Hayden, and he can’t stop scrolling back in time. Jane texts little pieces of her day. There’s a picture of a very bland but healthy-looking meal and “some people treat their bodies well, see?” to which Rozanov responds “I have you to treat my body well. All I eat is your ass and I’m best athlete in the league,” which makes Hayden blush. "Second best." Jane responds and Hayden smiles.

Jane complains vaguely about her over-demanding mother and Rozanov for some reason cares? And gives actual good advice? “No is a complete sentence.” To which Jane replies, “thanks Oprah Rozanov,” and Hayden giggles.

Rozanov sends her pictures of dogs he met, his detailed workout plans, and some of the filthiest smut you could imagine. Hayden scrolls past those parts, along with some Rozanov dick pics. He doesn’t need to know Rozanov’s fondness for sexting.

This girl seems great. She can hold her own against Rozanov. He also seems to be less of an asshole to her. Hayden hates himself for actually caring, but if he were friends with Rozanov, he’d be telling him to shut those other women out, focus on Jane. 

But any woman deserves better than Rozanov, who quickly reminds Hayden that he is still an asshole to everyone else on the planet. 

Rozanov: wife nudies came up on screen
Hayden: don’t look. We said no snooping.
Hayden: it’s not like she just sent them. She knows I don’t have my phone.
Rozanov: I am looking
Rozanov: nothing to be shy about, Lady Pike is hot.
Hayden: then I’m texting these girls back
Hayden: I like Jane the best she likes hockey
Rozanov: do not text Jane.
Hayden: I put on good Russian accent
Rozanov: You cannot text with an accent. 

Hayden laughs. He’s never had an actual conversation with Rozanov; the bar on Tuesday might have been their longest one. But reading through these texts has him feeling like he knows the hockey legend personally. At least, he knows his life well enough to know Jane would be fine being used for a light prank. He pulls up the text thread with Jane, whose last message is about Rozanov’s game that night. 

Ilya: thank you sweet Jane
Ilya: sorry I am not as good as Hayden Pike

Before he can even take a screenshot to send to Rozanov, Jane is already texting back. 

Jane: thats right asshole
Jane: Hayden scored more than you this week
Jane: And sorry did you win the cup last year?
Jane: Or was that Hayden?
Jane: you’re just jealous bc he can see me naked anytime

Hayden’s cheeks go pink. Who is this girl? She didn’t have time to Google those things, she just knew them? Hayden is flattered, really. He’s not a celebrity, like Shane or Rozanov. People don’t just know his stats. Hell, he’s had a good week but even Hayden wasn’t aware he scored more than Rozanov this week. The weirdest part? Hockey gear doesn’t really show you what a person looks like while they’re on the ice, and Hayden doesn’t have endorsement deals like Shane; his face isn’t everywhere. You’d have to research to see what he looks like, or see his little mugshot that plays before each game. Jane, before this conversation, has looked up Hayden Pike and determined he is naked-levels of attractive. Damn, that’s flattering. He wants to tell her no thank you on the nakedness part, though. 

Hayden: [screenshot]
Hayden: ok now I REALLY like Jane
Rozanov: great I will text her from your phone
Rozanov: I will send her lots of pictures
Hayden: wtf don’t

And just because without her number it’s an empty threat from Rozanov, and maybe he’s having a little fun, Hayden keeps it up. 

Ilya: pike is married
Ilya: but what about Shane Hollander?
Ilya: I think he’s single.
Jane: best player in the league?
Jane: so much better than you?
Jane: still five points ahead of you?
Jane: what about single Shane Hollander?

Hayden: [screenshot]
Hayden: dang should I give her number to Shane?
Hayden: She’s in Montreal, I don’t think he has a girl here.
Rozanov: ok so we are doing this.

Minutes later, Hayden gets a screenshot back of a conversation with Shane: 

Hayden: I just heard crazy rumor Ilya Rozanov has a huge cock
Shane: ???
Hayden: he is just so handsome, right?
Hayden: I would go gay for him any day. 

Rozanov: he didn’t respond ☹️
Hayden: you're a fucking dick
Rozanov: guess Hollander is too boring to play.
Rozanov: Jane would never ignore me like that

He'll be sure to clear that up with Shane tomorrow. 

Jackie’s voice appears from the next room, “Honey? Why is Rozanov texting me from your phone?”

“Because he’s a dick, sweetie. Don’t answer.”

Hayden: Truce. Stop texting my wife.
Rozanov: I didn’t know you and Hollander are married.
Rozanov: But I would not have been invited I don’t think

Hayden laughs. He doesn’t know what’s happening, really, but he’s having fun. 

Hayden: Yep. And we live in a huge organized house and watch hockey tape and eat bird food all day
Rozanov: 🤣 it is true
Rozanov: Hollander is boring
Rozanov: stay with Lady Pike
Rozanov: she gives you sexy nudies
Rozanov: Hollander does not do that
Rozanov: I do not think he would

Hayden cringes again with the thought of Rozanov seeing his wife naked. But again, Rozanov had called his wife sexy. Hayden shakes his head. He’s also spot-on about Shane, and Hayden laughs at the idea of Shane ever sending anyone a dick pic. How did he get in this situation, where he and Rozanov are joking over text? The man knows how to banter, that’s for sure. Shane rivals him in technical hockey skill, but no one out-chirps Rozanov on the ice. Hayden tries to stay away from that stuff, but if it’s this much fun, he’ll look at this texting as good practice. 

He wakes up on Thursday morning to texts sent at 2:30am. 

Jane: want to see your jersey on me again?
Jane: I hated it but you went so crazy for it
Jane: Need you to fuck me like that right now

Hayden doesn’t respond to those. In fact, he’s glad he slept through them. He has a wife. Who gets to see those texts immediately. Rozanov isn’t going to get him in any trouble at home, thank you very much. 

Jackie laughs, “Must be a new fling. WAGs wear their player’s jersey more often than they wear a bra.” And she’s right. Jackie and Hayden had jersey-sex a few times at the beginning. But seeing her in his number at every game, every gathering, as pajamas to bed... hell even right now feeding the kids at 8am, Jackie is wearing a Montreal T-shirt with PIKE across the back. The novelty wears off. This thing with Jane is either new or they don’t see each other a lot. Which, if they met in Montreal, makes sense. 

“Or Rozanov has some weird kink about seeing his own name.” He blurts out. Suddenly that’s the most likely thought. 

Hayden manages to get through Thursday without ruining Rozanov’s life. He dodges calls from someone named Alexei, texting Rozanov diligently to let him know about the calls. Jane never calls, not that Hayden would pick up. 

Hayden: and just now three calls in a row from Alexei.
Rozanov: no one else?
Hayden: no
Rozanov: copy and paste this into text to him
Rozanov: [wall of Russian text]
Hayden: Done. 

Hayden does Rozanov’s bidding. Then he runs the Cyrillic through a translator. “Leave me alone, you parasite. This is extortion. I will call Papa on Saturday only if you don’t contact me before then. Go do more drugs, you absent father.” Jesus. Some of this must have been translated wrong, surely. Hayden feels terrible for sending that text. 

Hayden: Wow. Sweet message.
Rozanov: Is my brother. He will live. 

Ah. It occurs to Hayden he has no idea about Rozanov’s family and he checks the Wikipedia page for the player (which already comes up in the phone’s favorites, the megalomaniac). Apparently his mother died when he was 12, his father has some terminal disease, and his brother keeps giving negative interviews to the Russian press... Hayden feels less bad about sending that Russian text. He also feels more sympathy for Rozanov, against every impulse to hate him.

Hayden has the foresight to switch to private browsing before researching beyond the Wikipedia page. “Ilya Rozanov girlfriend” is the first thing Hayden searches. He kind of wants to see a picture of Jane. Instead, he finds picture after picture of someone named Svetlana, whose father’s name Hayden recognizes as a hockey great. She has texted but Hayden hasn’t told Rozanov that. Should he? He wants Rozanov to end up with Jane but it sounds like Svetlana also knows hockey. Plus, she’s Russian. Maybe she’d be a better match?

In a sick attempt to compare Rozanov’s love options, Hayden opens the text thread with Svetlana. It’s mostly in Russian, with some “lol” and emojis he understands. He picks a recent long message from Svetlana to copy and paste into the translator. “My new job is great. I know you didn’t ask. Spending all your time with Jane has distracted you from the most important thing in your life-- me.”

So even his only rumored girlfriend knows about Jane. Hayden pastes Rozanov’s response into the translator. “Fuck off, Sveta. I’ll be home this summer.”

Hayden catches himself wanting to translate more of this conversation, but the copying and pasting gives him an extra few seconds to really think about what he’s doing. He hopes Rozanov isn’t doing the same type of crazy stalking with his phone, but really there’s nothing similar he could do. Hayden is sort of an open book. 

Throughout the day, Jane sends a few little slices of her life. Hayden feels bad for the girl. 

Hayden: Jane is still texting.
Hayden: will she get mad if you don’t respond?
Rozanov: no. Do not text Jane.
Hayden: too late for that right?
Hayden: this one is about hockey, I think I can talk about hockey?
Hayden: in good strong Russian texting accent, da?
Rozanov: You could not point to Russia on a map. And it is very large country. Do not text Jane.
Hayden: she’s gonna get pissed. Girls are weird when you don’t text them back.
Rozanov: I am not accountable for what Jane sends back.
Hayden:  I’m a big boy, I can handle it.
Rozanov: you are average boy.
Rozanov: I have seen pictures. 

And oh shit, that's right. It’s not just Jackie’s body on his phone. He’s too mortified to try to clip back at him, opting for a middle finger emoji. 

He gets his revenge with the hockey text from Jane. 

Jane: Kent out on injury for 2 weeks
Ilya: I’m glad he’s out. Kent is better than me.
Jane: lol

Hayden: [screenshot]
Hayden: nailed it.
Rozanov: you nailed nothing.
Rozanov: Jane knows I am the best player in the world.
Hayden: last night she said Shane Hollander was better
Rozanov: I will sext your grandmother if you don’t stop texting Jane.
Hayden: my dead grandmother would sext better than most of the women on your phone
Rozanov: 🤣
Rozanov: Pike is funny. Who knew?

Hayden smiles uncontrollably at that. He outchirped Ilya Rozanov. Shane needs to hear about this one, for sure. One more day and the phones will be switched back and he can tell his friends about the weird week he spent bantering with Rozanov. He kind of can’t wait to play them again in a few weeks, actually sling these insults on the ice. 

That night, just before an early bedtime to catch his flight tomorrow, after dodging another call from Papa, Hayden gets a text. 

Jane: remember 2301?
Jane: thinking about that tonight. 

This is excessive. Do they sext every night? He scrolls up past where he had before and... yeah. It’s not every night, but there’s at least something hot and flirty before bed most nights. Rozanov is usually instigating it. This poor girl probably thinks he’s ghosting her. He shows Jackie. She takes the phone. 

Ilya: Tell me. 


Hayden looks incredulously at his wife. 

Jane: when I came once on your fingers
Jane: then again on your cock
Jane: thinking about that to get off rn


Jackie and Hayden both blush. “Rozanov will kill me.” Hayden whispers. Jackie shrugs and types again. 

Ilya: You can’t do this to me
Ilya: When I’m not there to help

Hayden snatches the phone away from her and pounces. Turns out his wife sexting Rozanov’s girlfriend really does something for him. Jane might have texted back. He’ll check in the morning. 

It’s Friday evening before their games, in the away team locker room, when things start to unravel. They’re set to return the phones after their respective games tonight, it couldn’t have waited? 

Jane hasn’t texted since she finished off her own late-night sexting (which Hayden wished Jackie was awake early enough to read, it was hot), and Hayden is starting to think maybe he and Jackie were too risky last night by reciprocating. Maybe Rozanov had somehow told Jane what was happening, and she’ll be texting Hayden’s phone or, God forbid, she’ll live without Rozanov’s horny texting thumbs for an evening. 

No such luck. 

Jane: NY presser?? Insane shit. 

The press conference announcing a big trade literally just ended— some guys in the locker room are still hearing about it for the first time right now. Jane is following hockey that closely? Hayden is still impressed with this lady. Jackie doesn’t even do that. In fact, it reminds him of when Jackie was trying to impress him before they got married. Jane is clearly working hard to lock down the hockey royalty. He looks at it and smiles. 

JJ breaks him from his spell, “Look at you both heart-eyes at your phones, in love. You two are so whipped, texting your girls.” 

“I’m watching the presser, asshole.” Shane responds. Hayden looks over his shoulder. Shane does have a video of the presser pulled up on the screen. JJ knows the Lily-Texting face, though, so maybe he’s doing both. 

Hayden doesn’t correct JJ about his own heart-eyes. He could be mean. He could announce to the room, no, it’s not Jackie, it’s Ilya Rozanov’s girlfriend. He could out the playboy as a kinda-monogamous softie. This close to game time the team wouldn’t have time for a full blown prank. But, nude-picture-blackmail aside, he doesn’t really want to out Rozanov, even after the phones get returned. Jane seems really nice, they’re obviously not in the public eye for a reason, and knowing this team they’d definitely do something terrible with the info. Rozanov seems sweet (enough) to Jane in their texts, and anyone who makes Rozanov less of an asshole while trolling him right back doesn’t deserved to be fucked with. 

The other weird part about this is Hayden’s weird protective urge toward Rozanov. This week, Hayden has realized that being an asshole is Rozanov’s love language. If you’re close enough for him to insult you, it means he already kind of likes you. Being cold and ignoring the press and rookies and some fans? That's the actual asshole part of him. But insulting, teasing, being an active menace— that’s how Rozanov shows affection. He only chirps at people he respects on the ice. None of the random women in his phone get “fuck you” or “fuck off” like Jane or Svetlana do. That’s a phrase of endearment for him. Hayden’s own texts from Rozanov have gotten increasingly insulting as they get more comfortable. At the beginning, they were cold and curt. Now they are cutting, he puts a little effort into it. He wonders how Shane would feel about this revelation. Rozanov’s favorite target for public insult is Shane Hollander. 

He decides to not ruin Rozanov’s chance at a happy life. He says nothing to his team. He responds to Jane. In retrospect, this was a bad idea.

Ilya: I guess NY will be better now
Ilya: maybe a cup run
Jane: fuck that. Scott Hunter can eat shit. 
Jane: what he said still freaks me out

Wait... Jane knows Scott Hunter? And hates him? Hayden desperately wants to know the story, but it sounds like one the real Rozanov would know well. He can’t just ask. Can he? Tactfully?

Ilya: wait when was that again?
Jane: 🙄 im not talking you off before a game. why is that story so hot for you?

Hayden is at an impasse. He could push this harder and risk giving himself away, or ignore it and forget about what could be the most interesting gossip he’s heard in a long time. Luckily Jane starts typing again, and the room fades around Hayden as he tries to make sense of each new bubble of words.

Jane: I was scared. I thought he knew about you. 
Jane: but you’re probably right.
Jane: he probably likes men too
Jane: how else would he know what to look for?
Jane: still think you’re wrong about him and Vaughn though.
Jane: Vaughn is definitely straight, sorry. 

Hayden silently loses his shit. What is Jane saying? What does Hunter know? And he likes men? Too?? Meaning Rozanov likes men? There’s literally no evidence of this on his phone at all, but… Hayden looks around at his teammates. Shane has finally turned his attention from the press conference or texting Lily, whatever he was doing on his phone and now he’s changing. He could tell him. 

Instead he texts Rozanov. 

Hayden: who is this Jane??
Rozanov: Do. Not. Text. Jane.
Hayden: why does she know Scott Hunter
Rozanov: hunter is 154 he has probably fucked her great-grandmother.
Hayden: I’m not gonna tell.
Rozanov: there is nothing to tell.
Rozanov: stop texting Jane.
Rozanov: she will be so pissed.

Hayden immediately breaks. He needs to tell someone what he just read. Shane is the sweetest guy, if he needs to be discreet... Hayden sits on the bench where Shane is putting on socks.

He keeps his voice deliberately low. “Ok this is crazy, and I didn’t want the guys to use it for pranks but I’m freaking out, I gotta tell someone.”

“What?”

“I have Ilya Rozanov’s phone.”

Shane freezes and blinks twice.

“And I think he might be gay.”

“Uhhh,” Shane’s wide eyes dart around the room, “Sounds... personal.”

“Yeah or maybe bi? Because he’s texting a girl who— get this— knows Scott Hunter. And thinks Scott Hunter is gay too.” Hayden redoubles his whisper for the last part. This is not a conversation for a public locker room like this.

“Oh my God.” Shane puts his head in his hands before quickly sitting back up, eyes closed. 

“Yeah!” Hayden whispers. “And Scott Hunter knows Rozanov is gay? I had no clue this was all happening under the surface, I thought the league was so straight.”

“Yeah maybe,” Shane looks a million miles away. His lip quivers. That’s fair, he just got a bombshell. 

“What do I do? I gotta know more but you have to help me draft a message to this girl. We can delete the texts, as long as she doesn’t bring it up to him if they talk later.”

Hayden pulls out the phone and scrolls up to show Shane the conversation. He glances quickly and then looks away, wincing. 

“I can’t help you with that. Seems… messed up. You definitely shouldn’t be snooping around on there or— fuck, Hayden— texting?? anyone...” Shane groans. He gets up quickly and runs his hands through his hair. “Let me know... if you do, though. If you find out— or, learn anything.” 

“Hey, he texted Jackie! And you! Did you really think it was me talking about dicks?”

“Fuck. You really shouldn’t— fuck! Just—” Shane breathes through incoherent muttering. Hayden stares, surprised by the freakout. “We have a fucking game to play.” It’s almost like Shane is talking to himself. “We’ll play this game and then— What’s the plan to get his phone back to him?” He looks up at Hayden. 

Hayden looks back incredulously. “What about my phone??” Shane glares in response. “Well I’m driving over an hour after the game to meet up with him. You want to come with? Make sure he doesn’t murder me.”

Shane nods rapidly. “I’ll come with you.” The look on his face makes it seem like he’d help with the murder, though. “So he has your phone right now?”

“Yeah. Not sure what he could really do with it except leak Jackie’s nudes. She’s good about not putting her face in them though, or like, identifying features. It would be shit PR but I could deny it. He said he liked them though.” 

“Don’t fucking text anyone on there.” Shane slams his locker door and leaves the room without another word, thumbs jabbing frantically at his own phone.

The game is pretty terrible. Shane and Hayden are both all over the place, and the team gets shut out 0-3. Shane has been quiet ever since, so he’s not terribly great company in this rental car that Hayden’s driving to the halfway point to exchange phones. 

Hayden takes his eyes off the road and looks at the phone Shane is clutching in his hand, clearly snooping on Rozanov’s life. He’s a little surprised, given Shane’s reaction to his proposed meddling earlier, but he gets it. The temptation is crazy. Hayden’s not really sure of Shane’s type, even after all these years, but the pictures of the Instagram models in the text threads he’s currently scrolling through might be interesting to him.

Hayden focuses his eyes back on the road. “You should message Jane. I’m surprised she hasn’t texted about his game yet. She’s actually pretty cool and sometimes she sends something a little sexy back. It’s been fun!”

“Ugh no, that’s... invasive. You shouldn’t have texted her.” Says the guy currently scrolling through Rozanov’s social media DMs. 

“Is it weird I like her for him? Those texts were cute, he obviously likes her a lot.”

“I’m trying not to vomit thinking about them actually.”

“What I don’t get is if he’s gay and texting all these girls…” It hits Hayden in the resounding silence. “Ohhh my God Jane’s not a girl!”

Shane is quick to respond, “No, she’s definitely a girl.”

“No! Hear me out what if she’s— he’s just saved under a girl’s name? That’s why she’s so into hockey!”

“Girls can be into hockey.” Shane whines. 

“And know Scott Hunter personally? Oh my God it’s definitely a player. Or someone who works for the league. Who though? I’m dying to know. Can you scroll through and see?”

“That’s invasive. And I’d rather not know.”

“You don’t seem to have a problem scrolling through the text threads from all the other girls.” He eyes the phone open in Shane’s lap and Shane quickly flips it over, “I know Jane doesn’t send as many pictures but she— they had to at some point. There’s a locked folder in his photos labelled Jane. If we can figure out the PIN, it’s 4 digits—”

“No.” Shane says decisively. He angles the phone away and leans his head on the window. Hayden figures he shouldn’t have told him he’s been looking over his shoulder because now he can’t see anything. Through the reflection in the window, he can see Shane scrolling through thumbnails of pictures. Did he get into the locked folder somehow? Or are those just Rozanov’s regular photos? If they weren’t going over the speed limit on the highway, he’d be able to stare long enough to make out what the pictures are. 

They get to a scenic overlook parking lot. It’s almost midnight, so the scenery is pitch black. The parking lot is equipped with one yellowish street light. There’s only one other car here, and Rozanov is leaning on it, smoking a cigarette. He quickly flicks it away as their car approaches. Hayden doesn’t want to park directly next to Rozanov, that feels weird, so he parks facing his car, a few spaces down. “We’re just getting a phone. No one’s getting killed.” Hayden repeats like a mantra. 

“Hayden Pike!” Rozanov smiles broadly at him as they get out and walk over to meet between the two cars. Hayden can’t stop the grin that takes over his face. “I think tonight I have caught you in our scoring race.” It’s crazy that this texting thing might translate into an actual real-life friendship? What, like they’re going to hang out whenever they play each other?  How does anyone explain that to the press?

“I had a good three-day run where I was better than Ilya Rozanov. They’ll put it on my tombstone.” Hayden responds, and Rozanov cackles. Shane is pale, looking between them. He could never understand what Hayden knows now: The asshole act, the affectionate insults, the soft texts with Jane. He still thinks Rozanov is the silent, douchey Russian who he’s hated since their rookie season. Probably before. 

“The honors?” Rozanov hands the phone to Hayden and Hayden hands his back. It could look like a drug deal to an onlooker. Hayden is thankful there’s no building nearby with any security camera. This meeting would be the league’s weirdest scandal. 

Rozanov nods at Shane, “How did you do tonight? I didn’t have time to look at final score.”

“Rozanov...” Shane seethes. Oh, he’s still in a mood from earlier, and now he has to talk to the guy he hates most in the world. Shane can throw a mean tantrum when he doesn’t like something. Usually it’s right around when they get picked out of the playoffs, but I guess your best friend texting people from your nemesis’s phone is on the same level. 

“Nah, he’s kind of cool, Shane. It’s fine.” Hayden turns back to Rozanov, “The game sucked. We got shut out.”

“I am not kind of cool. I am the coolest.” Rozanov looks deeply offended. Hayden just laughs. 

He can’t let Rozanov just leave after the week they’ve had. He has to let him know his secrets are safe, that he has no reason to leak Jackie’s nudes, and that Jane sounds like endgame for him. There weren't really any friends in his texts either, just teammates talking logistics. This guy needs a friend to weigh in, give advice, and Hayden could do that.

“Look man, it’s none of my business—”

“—you are a smart man, Pike. It is not.”

“...But those other girls just text you when they want something. I think Jane is different, and I think you like them. You should… hold onto that one.”

“Is that what you think?” Rozanov says lowly. He’s looking at Shane.  

“We should go…” Shane has his hands in his pockets and is staring at the ground. 

“I won’t tell anyone what I saw in there, and I know you two could never be like... open about it, I know Russia is crazy but....”

“Hollander, you agree? Did you also make your way into my private sexual life?”

“I wouldn’t do that. I think it’s really—” Shane closes his mouth abruptly. He shifts his weight uncomfortably. “Let’s just go.”

Rozanov’s shit-eating victory grin appears on his face. “Should I call Jane right now and see if she picks up?”

“No.” Shane says immediately, looking at Rozanov like he’s crazy, “That sounds like a private conversation.”

Actually? Fuck Shane’s weird obsession with privacy. Hayden nods his head. “Yeah, you should! I kind of want to meet her— him?” He tries to look supportive, “After spending three days talking to them.”

Shane makes a noise and turns away from their awkward triangle, muttering “Three days… oh my God.”

“Well I couldn’t have just left her on read! She would have dumped him!”

He turns back, genuinely angry at this, “Then tell them someone else has the phone!” His voice is raised to borderline yell. 

“Oh I see.” Rozanov hasn’t stopped grinning. “My Jane got too into the sexting with you, Pike.”

“Uhh yeah, so… my wife might have responded to a few.” Hayden admits. Somehow, knowing Rozanov a little better now, he thinks he might not care. Jane would be the one to care if she ever found out.  

“Jackie??” Shane cries. Rozanov giggles. Shane points at Rozanov, taking a step forward, seething, “And you, asshole.” Hayden has never seen Shane approach a fight off the ice. Or really on it either, except that one time with Scott Hunter, ironically. But here he is, surging toward Rozanov in a way Hayden reflexively wants to hold him back. “You could have said something before—” He stops himself with a frustrated groan. Rozanov looks... entertained? That’s fair, Shane has never been very threatening. He’s angrier than Hayden has seen him in a long time, though.

He shrugs, “I told him, do not text Jane.”

“Did you tell Jane not to text him??” Shane steps even closer to Rozanov and continues loudly, “No password on your phone, putting it down in a public place... fucking irresponsible, Rozanov!” Hayden is grateful there’s no one around for miles to hear Shane nagging Rozanov like a mother. “Anyone else would have gone directly to the press. You are so fucking lucky it was Hayden.” The press? What? Why does Shane care? Unless— did he know Rozanov was gay? They’ve done ad spots together, they’re constantly paired up for press. They must have learned basic facts about each other. It’s something Hayden had never considered before today. Shane turns to Hayden. “I’m leaving. I will literally drive back without you.”

“I have the keys.” Hayden points out, still kind of shocked from Shane’s outburst. It sounded like a little more than the moral high ground argument he’s been making. Maybe he’s had something leaked before and this is a sore spot? Or he’s been catfished? Is that why he’s so guarded about his love life? Fuck, is he going to be mad at Jackie now too? These are car-ride-home conversations. There’s a more pressing issue. “Let’s just wait until Rozanov calls this guy. I’m so fucking curious.”

“Don’t do this.” Shane pleads, his eyes shut. 

“I know you’re like...” prudish, Hayden wants to say, “but aren’t you curious? This could be another player!”

Rozanov smiles. “I don’t mind. I’ll call her. My Jane would drop any boring conversation to answer me. She is constantly begging for it.” Ugh, gross. 

If Shane hadn’t just yelled in Rozanov’s face, if he hadn’t just learned Rozanov and Hunter and Vaughn might be gay, Hayden might have been appropriately shocked by what happened next. Shane says something, quietly, in Russian. Shane knows fucking Russian?? It’s only one or two words, a short clip, followed by an English “please.” 

The words change Rozanov’s face. The grin leaves, he softens. He puts the phone into his pocket and he puts his hands up in surrender. There’s a minute of silence. 

“What the fuck,” Hayden whispers. He wants to know what the fuck magic spell Shane just said. It must have been something really threatening because Rozanov doesn’t just have an “off” switch like that. Hayden compartmentalizes his shock for the car ride home. He doesn’t like that Rozanov put the phone in his pocket; that means the chance of them calling Jane and finding out is slimmer. Honestly if this isn’t happening, Hayden would like to go back to the hotel and shower the game off him, to be honest. Maybe call Jackie before it’s too late at night. “Umm well whatever the deal is, we should head out soon, so just call her, let’s make it quick.” 

“Hollander.” Rozanov’s voice is low like he’s telling a secret. Shane closes his eyes when he hears his name. “Your best friend Hayden Pike is going to be good no matter who picks up. He has already said he would not tell anyone, and he is... relentless? He will not relent?” Rozanov furrows his brow at his English. “Do you really want this drive home? Or… maybe I trust one person. Might help Jane. Might help me.” Hayden doesn’t really understand what Rozanov is saying, maybe there’s a language miscommunication? But Shane is slowly nodding at the ground like he understands. 

Rozanov looks earnest like Hayden has never seen. He runs a hand over his hair, a little frizzy post-game. Hayden almost feels bad at the display of vulnerability, like maybe he should... relent? Before he can, Rozanov takes the phone back out and continues slowly, like he’s trying not to spook a scared animal. Or maybe like he’s thinking through his word choices very carefully, “I am going to call my Jane, phone is always on silent, and if maybe she wants to pick up and have a conversation to your best friend, she will. I will hang up after five rings, I will not let it play her voicemail. But I think she should answer.”

This is... oddly specific, and Rozanov’s voice is calming and clear as he stares directly at Shane. Hayden glances between the two. Clearly there are many car-ride-home conversations to be had. He’s glad he has a new friendship with Rozanov, because Shane is probably not going to be very forthcoming with answers. Shane nods again with a blank face, still staring at the ground. 

Rozanov’s victory grin comes back, “...Because maybe this will benefit me, too, if her friend fucks off for a half hour, I can see if maybe she wants to get touched in my car.”

Hayden makes a face. He doesn’t need to hear about what the phone call will be planning. “That’s TMI, Rozanov. Just call her.”

Shane shakes his head rapidly. “No, that won’t be— ugh, just do it already.” 

Rozanov nods at Shane, and Shane nods back, calmed down from his outburst. Hayden feels like he’s not in this conversation at all, but Jane’s name appears on Rozanov’s screen and he puts speakerphone on to broadcast as it rings. 

Shane closes his eyes and breathes deeply. Then, he pulls his phone out of his pocket. It’s lit up: Lily. 

“Ah shit, you gotta take that?” Hayden says quietly as Rozanov’s phone sounds a third ring on speakerphone. Hayden hopes not, he doesn’t want Shane to miss the big reveal. But Shane has excused himself from a lot of conversations when Lily calls or texts. 

Rozanov rolls his eyes and mutters several words in Russian. They sound sarcastic. 

Shane swipes to answer but doesn’t lift it to his ear. The ringing from Rozanov’s phone stops. Hayden darts his eyes between the two, who just hold their phones up to show him their screens. Rozanov’s says Jane. Shane’s says Lily. Ilya.

“No, what the fuck?” Hayden’s eyes are wide. “Answer it.” He whispers, like it won’t be true and some lady’s voice will pop on the line when she hears Shane. 

“I did.” He says, with a defeated half-shrug, and it echoes out of the speakerphone off Rozanov’s phone. He hangs up quickly and Rozanov’s phone also goes blank. 

“What the fuck... Lily is—”

“Yeah.”

“Are you two like—”

“Yeah.”

Hayden’s brain blacks out with this information. He literally can’t think of anything to say. Or ask. Or even like, a sound to make. 

Rozanov shatters the tentative silence without tact, “We have broken Hayden Pike. May we go have sex in a car now?” 

Hayden turns completely toward Shane, “What— is it serious? Are you, like, in love?”

“No. No-no-no. No.” Sounds off from Rozanov at the same time as, “No, no that’s gross no,” from Shane. 

“Oh my God but the sexting??” It dawns on Hayden that he has been reading his best friend’s sexts for days. And his wife responded to them… Ugh. Hayden feels numb.

Shane crumbles into a squatting fetal position. “God, I am so sorry Hayden.” He rests his head on his folded forearms. 

Rozanov steps over and crouches down with him on one knee. He rubs Shane’s back. “Hey, hey. Is ok, Hollander, I’m sure it was best sexting he’s ever had. Wife mainly talks about babies, sends some pregnant nudies. All very boring.”

“Oh my god, no.” Shane breathes, “Stop talking.”

Hayden feels weird, like even though he’s the topic of conversation, he shouldn’t be watching this. He needs an escape. “I’m uhh... who knows? Can I tell Jackie?” Shane’s head nods almost imperceptibly from where it hangs.

“No one knows.” Rozanov stares intensely up at Hayden to amend Shane’s dazed nod. “You are it. Nude-Lady-Pike is it. Now? three people know. And they are all here.” He gestures to the three of them. Hayden sees the desperation on Rozanov’s face, his hand still resting on Shane’s crumpled back. He thinks about the request from a Russian citizen and hockey’s golden boy. The two top athletes in a sport that’s never had an out player. A wildly public rivalry. Yeah. No shit. No one else can ever know about this. 

“Of course.” Hayden whispers. 

“See?” Rozanov turns back to Shane and mutters in his ear, “He’s good. You’re good. We’re good.” The large hand rubs up and down Shane’s back, cups the nape of his neck a little, rubs his hair, runs back down. 

It’s too intimate of a moment for Hayden to be there. “Ok I’m gonna go sit in the car and... my wife. And you guys can... I don’t know.” He walks away. He instinctively wants to give them privacy but unfortunately remembers Rozanov’s car sex fixation over the last few minutes. 

He hears Rozanov say “Take a walk, Hollander.” Shane gets up to walk with him. 

He really does want to tell Jackie, but now, sitting in this quiet car by himself, head in his hands, Hayden is paralyzed by everything he just learned. He’s a little ashamed he wasn’t more supportive of both men coming out to him. He should have said he’s an ally, that the gay part isn’t anything bad. He’s not mad at his best friend. Shane has always been a private person— though now, thinking about those texts, he’s not exactly that private. What would Shane be like if he were allowed to be himself, unguarded? Is it sick that the only person who probably knows his actual personality is... Ilya Rozanov? Jane in those texts is funny and free. Not that Shane isn’t funny, he just always seems like there’s stuff he’s thinking and not saying. Jane seems like she gets to speak her mind. 

And Boston Lily has been around for years. Hayden feels bad for snooping now that he knows who Jane is, but he didn’t really know they text every day. They share intimate details of their lives, not just sex stuff, which Hayden is trying desperately to wipe from his memory. Shane was complaining about his mom. He never does that. Shane texted Rozanov about the NY presser, even before he engaged in the conversation with his team in the locker room. Rozanov knows about his weird diet. Rozanov’s rumored girlfriend even knows there’s a Jane, even if she doesn’t know it’s Shane Hollander. 

So why are they lying about not being serious? Why were they so quick to say it’s nothing, they’re not in love?

He texts Jackie.

Hayden: got my phone back.
Hayden: Jane is Shane.

She calls almost immediately. The shrieked “What?!?” is a genuinely positive reaction to the best gossip she’s ever heard in her life, even as Hayden is still numbly reeling. “Is he there now?”

“Which— No, they’re both...” he looks around for wherever they went. His eyes land on Rozanov’s car a few spaces over, where through the windshield he sees the streetlight reflect on Shane’s face, thrown back in the passenger’s seat, mouth hung open. Rozanov isn’t there... oh. Ew. “Ugh. They’re in Rozanov’s car. I think Shane is getting blown? This is too much.”

“Oh my god!! Shane Hollander, like… Shane we’re talking about??”

He fills her in on the full conversation. They share their immediate guilt about sexting with Shane and Hayden gives her the obligatory you-cant-even-tell-your-friends. In return, Jackie laughs about how oblivious Hayden was to all the clues tonight and reminds him, “Stop saying ew just because they’re two guys.”

”No, it’s ew because it’s Shane and sex. And Rozanov. And sex.” Hayden considers this for a minute, “They’re both very attractive people, I’m sure it’s objectively not gross, it’s just… Shane. Also? Shane said it was gross when I asked if they were serious.”

But Jackie is coming to the same conclusion as Hayden: this is serious. Why lie about that now that Hayden knows everything else? 

He chances a glance back to the other car, where Rozanov has reappeared and is now holding Shane’s chin with his thumb. Shane is twining his fingers idly in Rozanov’s hair. They’re just staring at each other’s faces. It doesn’t even look like they’re talking. “They’re just gazing at each other, Jackie. This is so weird. They’re so in love and mushy, that's the gross part.” The two lean in to kiss, and Hayden looks away. 

Jackie is still asking questions when Shane hops into Hayden’s rental and buckles his seatbelt. Rozanov’s car pulls away. “Love you Jackie but our third just got in the car. Gotta call you back later!” Hayden hangs up before Jackie can demand to talk to Shane, who looks like emotionally and physically he just played a second professional hockey game tonight. Shane glares at him. “Too soon?”

Shane opens and closes his mouth to start a few times before he settles on, “You can probably imagine this is mortifying for me. But I’ll answer... some questions if you have them.” Hayden has huge questions: when’s the fucking wedding? How was what he just witnessed not love? But there’s got to be a reason they’re keeping that last secret, so he doesn’t jump in with that. 

“Alright. We have a long drive for all that.” He should get the earnest stuff out of the way before he has to watch the road. “Thanks for telling me, and trusting me. I know you didn’t want to.” Shane nods. Hayden backs the car out in silence and they get back on the road, all phones returned to their rightful owners. “Jackie apologizes for sexting you.” Shane covers his face with his hands. 

The car ride back is excruciating. There are long stretches of silence speckled with hasty, uncomfortable, short questions. Like…

“Oh! Scott Hunter??”

“Oh God,” Shane laughs a little, relieved that the topic of conversation isn’t him. “You can’t tell anyone. It's probably nothing. It’s just... we like to think about who else might be...” he trails off. 

“Ew... Is that your pillow talk?”

“Ugh no. Well, yeah, I guess... after is the only time we talk, so yeah I guess. Ugh that's gross to think about...” Shane shudders. “Anyway. Hunter made a comment...”

“The fight! You fought with him!” Hayden laughs. Of course Rozanov would find that attractive.

“Yeah he... he sounded like he knew and I freaked out. Then Rozanov pointed out he wouldn’t know what to look for unless... Well, I shouldn’t speculate. We don’t know anything for sure, it’s just a fun game we play.”

“You have fun, inside-joke games with Ilya Rozanov.” Hayden shakes his head in disbelief. 

“... yeah. I guess.”

“And you speak Russian now?”

“No? What?” Shane looks at Hayden, confused. 

“You said something to him. In Russian.”

Even under the rapid street lights passing above the highway, Hayden can see Shane’s face turn pink. He whispers “Oh my god” and makes no attempt to answer the question. 

Hayden takes one hand off the steering wheel to gesture, ‘...and?’

It’s the quietest Shane has ever been, but he mutters under his breath, “isaidmysafeword.” He breathes, “I think it just means like, no, stop, or like… no more.”

Hayden braces himself to not swerve the car. “Oh my god! Ok. Yikes.”

“Sorry. I really didn’t want anyone to find out, ever. And panicked and I knew that would stop him.” Shane sighs, “But he was right. Right? You’ll be cool about it? And won’t tell anyone?”

“Of course.” He responds on autopilot. That was never in question. But now all Hayden can remember is how Rozanov shifted gears and softened, put the phone and the jokes away the second he heard Shane’s weird Russian safeword. He really isn’t an asshole. “God, if this were three days ago I think I’d be pissed it’s him but... he's kind of growing on me. He's better than I thought.”

“I know. He can be serious if he really has to be. He’s... safe? I trust him.” Shane sounds a little surprised to hear himself say it. He quickly corrects himself. “I mean, he’s an asshole. Just not when…” 

Hayden fake-retches. But silently, he’s misting up a little. He remembers their immediate, declarative, resounding dismissal when he asked if they were in love. He wonders if they practice that. 

“Thanks. Yeah the whole thing is gross, I’m sorry you even know about it. No one is supposed to. There’s nothing to even know. It’s just... sex? When we can. But our schedules don’t really line up too much, thank God.”

Hayden rolls his eyes. The words escape him, “Buddy, this Boston Lily has been around how long...?”

“Uhh, not really that long.” Shane’s voice is high. “We didn’t actually do it until a few years ago. But… he put Lily in my phone a few years before that, and like, we did some stuff that time too, because we had already—”

“Yeah. I get it.” He cuts off the string of denial. “Forever. Longer than I’ve been around.” Shane nods guiltily. Hayden summons his courage. “I’m just not sure why you’re… still not being honest with me.”

“What do you mean?? You know more than anyone else on the planet now.”

“No, why you both said it’s not serious, like you’re not in love.”

Hayden takes his eyes off the road to look at Shane’s offended face. Oh. They really don’t know.

Chapter End Notes

Thank you for reading!! I'm having so much fun reading these comments!

The following chapters aren't necessary, they're just for fun if you liked snooping on Hayden and Rozanov's texts.

Chapter 2: Rozanov v. Gendered Language

Chapter Summary

The 2015-2016 season finishes while Hayden and Rozanov navigate Shane’s careful new phone rules and Rozanov faces off against gendered language.

Chapter Notes

The support for my stupid little phone swap fic was bananas! So here is the aftermath: a legit friendship for Hayden and Rozanov.

I wanted to do these in a texting skin but you know what I'm not going to do? code 5k words when I haven't coded anything since Myspace.

So to get us on the same page: Hayden is actually Hayden. The phones are back to their rightful owners. This is from his POV (or, his phone's POV), not that it matters because it's literally just the texts. But they're how he would see them in his phone.

Very silly stuff ahead! Just having fun playing with pronouns/gender/language

15th best Metro: how was driving?
15th best Metro: Jane is ok?
15th best Metro: no one is answering me 🙁

Hayden: Sorry. We passed out when we got in last night.
Hayden: and fucking seriously? That’s how you saved me as a contact??
Hayden: I’m fucking keeping it this way, asshole
Hayden: Enjoy being 15th best Metro in my phone forever

15th best Metro: I would be #1 best metro

Hayden: Shane would still be the best Metro. 

15th best Metro: I will keep yours the same too. 
15th best Metro: I like seeing my name. 

Hayden: don’t involve me in your kink.
Hayden: guess I’ll have to be an asshole if I’m going to have your name. 

15th best Metro: make my family proud 💪

15th best Metro: you have not answered me.
15th best Metro: Jane is ok?

Hayden: Jane is ok. 
Hayden: we talked for a long time in the car

15th best Metro: me too. 
15th best Metro: I got yelled at so hard again while you were having car phone sex with Lady Pike ☹️
15th best Metro: little angry kitten, so threatening

Hayden: yeah looked like a lot of “yelling”

15th best Metro: 😇 had to beg forgiveness on hands and knees

Hayden: nope. Ew.
Hayden: I’ll block your number. 

15th best Metro: no, I think you might like me now
15th best Metro: I heard you called me the coolest. 

Hayden: I believe I said “kind of cool”

15th best Metro: phone is now password-protected
15th best Metro: and I can not set it down in public. 
15th best Metro: and no one is texting any names

Hayden: sorry I guess? Sounds like a lot of changes to make for a friend-with-benefits

15th best Metro: i am not friends with her. Only benefits. 

Hayden: 🙄
Hayden: she’s right though, you were lucky it was me. 
Hayden: your phone taught me about locked folders. I’ll be using one. 

Hayden: actually I can’t figure out how to do it.
Hayden: help?

15th best Metro: make Jane do it
15th best Metro: she is phone privacy tsar

15th best Metro: she is never going to feel comfortable sexting with me again ☹️ 

Hayden: still? It’s been a week. 
Hayden: I’ll tell her to lighten up. That will go well 🤣
 
Hayden: “someone” just asked why I’m texting the 15th best Metro
Hayden: and then she turned very red. 

15th best Metro: please what is your venmo? I will pay well for a picture of this. 

Hayden: lol goddamn you are a menace. 
Hayden: she doesn’t like us texting
Hayden: apparently we are too “irresponsible”
Hayden: I told her this whole fucking thing is irresponsible  

15th best Metro: I like you saying she
15th best Metro: is funny to me

Hayden: I’m also saying she to her. 
Hayden: my favorite little lesbian relationship

15th best Metro: no relationship 

Hayden: still lesbians though?

15th best Metro: ok. Is hot. 
15th best Metro: Lily and Jane sex would be 🔥 👅✂️

Hayden: I will block this number. 

Hayden: ready to die tonight?

15th best Metro: Jesus Christ
15th best Metro: hope you mean in hockey
15th best Metro: if not you are too late
15th best Metro: someone has already killed me today 😉

Hayden: omg I should have fucking known
Hayden: she was too happy
Hayden: I thought this was a post-game thing
Hayden: not pregame

15th best Metro: my Jane needs it both

Hayden: please god you have to stop saying shit like that
Hayden: that’s my friend dude

15th best Metro: she was mine first

Hayden: I thought you “aren’t friends”

15th best Metro: we are not. She is mine though.

Hayden: so very casual.

15th best Metro: was fun playing you tonight
15th best Metro: even if you got lucky and scored your second goal ever. 
15th best Metro: when did you learn such banter?
15th best Metro: the team was talking about you
15th best Metro: they said you went to chirp classes 😂

Hayden: I only did it to you! They heard that?
Hayden: I learned it from you, idiot
Hayden: haven’t really tried it on another team yet
Hayden: but it worked right? We won. 

15th best Metro: yes your chirping won the game 
15th best Metro: not 2 goals from second best hockey player
15th best Metro: and 1 goal from 97th best hockey player

Hayden: aren’t you at Jane’s place ?
Hayden: why are you texting?

15th best Metro: intermission between 2nd and 3rd period

Hayden: gross

15th best Metro: we are watching tv waiting for food delivery

Hayden: so the benefits are polite dinner company?

15th best Metro: I was going to ask you to come to breakfast with me tomorrow
15th best Metro: Jane says I can’t 
15th best Metro: she says “the optics” which I looked up and still do not understand
15th best Metro: but I think she would just be jealous

Hayden: I know. Sucks we'll probably never hang out.
Hayden: but I agree with her
 

15th best Metro: attention everyone

Hayden: oh god
Hayden: I miss when we didn’t know each other

15th best Metro: Apparently there is new command from our supreme texting ruler

Hayden: ??

15th best Metro: because an idiot on the Yankees got his email hacked and leaked
15th best Metro: I had to answer a very boring call from Panic Attack last night
15th best Metro: I said that is not even hockey
15th best Metro: Panic Attack did not care ☹️

Hayden: omg you HAVE to stop calling him panic attack. 
Hayden: …
Hayden: annddd?? You said there was a command. 

15th best Metro: yes. 
15th best Metro: no one is using any gendered pronouns or any names anymore in text message.
15th best Metro: even J*** and L***

Hayden: lmao he said that??

15th best Metro: who is “he”? I know only of gender blobs 

Hayden: lol you’re a dick dude

15th best Metro: d*de

Hayden: I’m telling them you’re being a dick

15th best Metro: them is so many people
15th best Metro: my English tutor would have hated this
15th best Metro: s*e was not lgbtq progressive. 
15th best Metro: but s*e is dead now so 🤷‍♂️

Hayden: gendered emoji!
Hayden: sorry for your loss 

15th best Metro: is ok, they are rolling in her grave
15th best Metro: fuck I can’t do this
15th best Metro: pronouns are already such shit

Hayden: omg you’re right this is probably a headache
Hayden: I’ll remind our friend to go easy on the English grammar rules

15th best Metro: I didn’t even tell you the worst part

Hayden: you haven’t texted me in a week
Hayden: you can’t start a conversation like that
Hayden: thats a mid-conversation phrase. 

15th best Metro: is going to ruin my summer
15th best Metro: and be the end of my days
15th best Metro: rob the world of good hockey forever
15th best Metro: is that
15th best Metro: sexting is so hard if you can not say any genital words

Hayden: oh my god
Hayden: not having this conversation. 

15th best Metro: and I say that ass isn’t even gendered!
15th best Metro: everyone has an ass!
15th best Metro: but Panic Attack is saying g*rls don’t do ass on b*ys, so is still suspect 

Hayden: absolutely not engaging.
Hayden: this is not what we’re texting about. 
Hayden: I mean, I agree ass is a clue
Hayden: but no, we’re not talking about this. 

15th best Metro: then please do something about this!!

Hayden: ME??
Hayden: how is this on me??

15th best Metro: …
15th best Metro: ???

Hayden: ???

15th best Metro: !!!
15th best Metro: whole thing is your fault!
15th best Metro: your horny little spouse couldn’t think with their brain and not their genitals
15th best Metro: and now I text like this!! And Google translate refuses to help me!! 😭

Hayden: even if it’s vague I need you to stop talking about my spouse’s genitals. 
Hayden: but point taken. 
Hayden: I’m sorry my spouse ruined your very meaningless fling
Hayden: I will talk to someone about it.

15th best Metro: please I have whole summer in Russia ahead of me

Hayden: playoffs aren’t even over, you have weeks before that

15th best Metro: I will thank you for fifteen lifetimes. 

Hayden: for the record, way too dramatic for casual sex partners

Hayden: Ok. I tried. 
Hayden: and, by the way, “hey I’m sorry my wife sexted you, and your “occasional hookup” wants you to forgive me so that they can sext you from somewhere it’s illegal for you two to be sexting” is not a fun conversation
Hayden: so you’re welcome

15th best Metro: will dedicate my opening goal next season to ugliest Pike child. 

Hayden: unnecessary. 
Hayden: anyway. 
Hayden: he has agreed to a strict delete-after policy. 
Hayden: you each have 4 hours after reading to delete any gendered or named text. 
Hayden: and I negotiated for you!! I said 1 hour isn’t enough. 
Hayden: which, AGAIN! 
Hayden: WHY am I negotiating YOUR sext rules???

15th best Metro: Hayden Pike, a masculine hero among men. 
15th best Metro: the man who allowed Shane Hollander to text about penises and butts with his male sex partners
15th best Metro: cocks across the world join Ilya Rozanov’s to cheer for Hayden Pike. 
15th best Metro: weep? May be better. 

Hayden: come on, man. 

15th best Metro: oh I will 😉 

15th best Metro: it has been four hours, delete that text. 

Hayden: I already did
Hayden: wait did you set a timer for four hours?
Hayden: look if you’re that mad about it, just sext someone else. 

15th best Metro: Jane is still best sexter with no pronouns, no genitals 

Hayden: gross
Hayden: but weirdly sweet.
Hayden: Maybe the kind of thing you should be saying to each other?

15th best Metro: congratulations
15th best Metro: more cups than Ilya Rozanov
15th best Metro: they will put it on your tombstone

Hayden: Thanks!

15th best Metro: if you die in the next year
15th best Metro: bc it will only be true for 1 year

Hayden: did you leave already?
Hayden: have a nice summer in friendly Russia

15th best Metro: I will sext sweetly because of you
15th best Metro: each time I come I will thank you
15th best Metro: $500 check every time I jerk off
15th best Metro: ahh delete that, jerk off means I have a penis
15th best Metro: $1000 check every time I touch myself

Hayden: I'm deleting everything you just said, actually
Hayden: just for my own sanity 
Hayden: North America will not miss you even a little.

Chapter End Notes

There's more! Stay tuned! I have some of them written for episodes 4-6

Chapter 3: Life sucks, d*de

Chapter Summary

Hayden keeps in touch with Rozanov through the events of episodes 4-5

Chapter Notes

Why do episodes 4 and 5 have so many bummer moments?? The vibe here is different, but still tried to get these guys to have as much fun as possible though! Sometimes they just refused, rude! Next chapter will be all fun and games for episode 6 promise!

Also? Idk when Hayden Pike's kids were born but the baby in ep 4 looks pretty new, so I'm guessing.

As always-- THANK YOU!! The comments and love I've gotten for this have been overwhelming!

PS: "Rozapike" was mentioned in the comments? Haydilya? Pikanov? Ilyaden? Is there a ship name for these two yet? FRIENDship guys, get your minds out of the gutter. EDIT: I like Haydenov

Enjoy!

15th best Metro: [photo]
15th best Metro: this is big state building in Russia
15th best Metro: it reminded me of you
15th best Metro: because it has also never scored a goal in hockey

Hayden: you can’t say that to someone who is actually getting tired of cup celebrations.

Hayden: quick question why did you send me a very, very large check?
Hayden: is this for gross sex things? or for Arthur?
Hayden: either way, I can't accept this.

15th best Metro: who is Arthur?

Hayden: the baby?
Hayden: remember? the pictures of the pregnant lady? 
Hayden: babies come out of those

15th best Metro: easily preventable
15th best Metro: but I have received no updates about baby
15th best Metro: how would I even know baby is due?
15th best Metro: so yes it's for awesome sex stuff

Hayden: ??? do you WANT baby updates?
Hayden: ew but ok so it's the first thing. 
Hayden: in that case I am not touching it bc your hands were on it maybe right after
Hayden: my spouse said I should donate it to teenage sex education so kids like Jane know not to hook up with kids like you.

15th best Metro: 😂
15th best Metro: J*ck*e is always the roast queen

Hayden: what do you mean always???
Hayden: have you ever spoken to her???

15th best Metro: happy 4th of July!

Hayden: I live in Canada.

15th best Metro: so you are not happy today then?

Hayden: so I have a news alert for you in case Panic Attack gets outed
Hayden: some Russian tabloid came up today with a picture of you and some rando
Hayden: Is it weird I’m probably more pissed than someone else?
Hayden: they say it’s fine and you guys just do this
Hayden: and like I know it happens, I lived in your phone and I saw it
Hayden: but someone is going to get hurt
Hayden: I’m not being vague, I really don’t know which of you it is.
Hayden: because you both love each other
Hayden: but you’re both fucking idiots

15th best Metro: omg Panic Attack II it is 4am here
15th best Metro: 9 notifications I need you to take a cold shower
15th best Metro: are you hurt?
15th best Metro: sorry I am not married like you
15th best Metro: I do not want to be married like you
15th best Metro: if you are asking how was the sex with beautiful and famous Russian gymnast l*dy
15th best Metro: it was good thank you
15th best Metro: the other 1000 wom*n this week were also good thank you.

Hayden: I wasn’t asking
Hayden: fine sorry it just really seemed like you like each other
Hayden: and they were literally texting you from my house yesterday
Hayden: I guess I’m still getting used to the idea

15th best Metro: months later 😂
15th best Metro: do you think we haven't been with other people since then?
15th best Metro: J*** is getting her dick wet too probably

Hayden: I’d say no but I guess I didn’t know about her with you, right?
Hayden: I guess there could be others
Hayden: and you would just be cool with that?

15th best Metro: we have established I am cool  
15th best Metro: the coolest
15th best Metro: if J*** wants to go throw sperm all over north america he is my guest
15th best Metro: and in return he understands humanitarian crisis 
15th best Metro: of hotties who have not experienced my dick
15th best Metro: delete my genital texts btw

Hayden: 👍
Hayden: I'll delete any genital text you send me. 

Hayden: Jane just said your English texting is getting better
Hayden: and you told them it was because of me ❤️

15th best Metro: is true
15th best Metro: that is your fault
15th best Metro: too many panic texts at 4:00

15th best Metro: northhhhhh americaaaaaa

Hayden: I knew the air smelled worse today!
Hayden: welcome back to the continent bro

15th best Metro: is nice to be away from family

Hayden: lol you’re an asshole
Hayden: 2 weeks until we play you

15th best Metro: 18 days
15th best Metro: cannot wait
15th best Metro: I have been saving my best sperm
15th best Metro: I have only let the losers out for months

Hayden: christ

15th best Metro: is a good one too
15th best Metro: before game is free for both teams
15th best Metro: and you travel to Boston early
15th best Metro: big plans

Hayden: “just sex” they said “not serious” they said
Hayden: very casual
Hayden: such rivals-with-benefits
Hayden: not real at all
Hayden: no feelings here, officer
Hayden: not making plans to fuck two weeks in advance and counting down the days.
Hayden: I do that with all my no-strings-attached lovers. 
Hayden: just fucking propose already
Hayden: watching this is torture

Hayden: where did you get our phone case? Mine broke and I can’t find a replacement anywhere. 

Hayden: dang your rookie is good huh

Hayden: please don’t injure anyone with sex before the game 

15th best Metro: I am nervous. 

Hayden: ???

Hayden: hey what the fuck why did someone just come back in a fucking mood??
Hayden: also I thought they'd be gone all night so they almost came back while I was in my locked folder
Hayden: unimportant right now
Hayden: they’ve been holed up in the shower since they got back
Hayden: they didn't even say anything to me
Hayden: what happened 

15th best Metro: you were right.
15th best Metro: it was serious. 

Hayden: !!!!!
Hayden: 🎉 🎊🍾
Hayden: Let’s fucking go!
Hayden: wait why was??

15th best Metro: I think Panic Attack doesn’t want serious

Hayden: she does. 

15th best Metro: not with me. 
15th best Metro: she left.

Hayden: fuck.

Hayden: before you see the tabloid, you should know someone is doing something very stupid.
Hayden: and I disagree with it.
Hayden: and I don’t really understand bc I thought he was gay
Hayden: but no one listens to me. 

15th best Metro: ??? What are you talking about.

15th best Metro: Ah. Fuck. 

15th best Metro: I am havint had too mch shot
15th best Metro: want text wih very bet friend Hatdem Poje
15th best Metro: hiw is Javkie
15th best Metro: Jcki
15th best Metro: Jackie

Hayden: Wtf asshole it’s 3am

15th best Metro: tell me Rode Lanfry is bitvh 

Hayden: oh I see what this is
Hayden: she is not a bitch

15th best Metro: He shoulf be here being mine 

Hayden: Jesus.
Hayden: I know. I’m so sorry man. 

15th best Metro: leaving phone om table unlcked
15th best Metro: someone shiuld come taske it and see whwt an asshole is Shane Hollander 
15th best Metro: Thgursday gamr I crus gim

Hayden: you need to go home
Hayden: do you have a ride home?
Hayden: if you tell me where you are I can order an uber
Hayden: fuck this sucks so much
Hayden: and I know you’re going to hate me even more but I’m his friend.
Hayden: you gotta delete these texts, even if you're mad at him. 

Hayden: heyyy sunshine how are we feeling?
Hayden: did you delete the texts from last night?
Hayden: thought I’d throw you a reminder

15th best Metro: ?? What texts?
15th best Metro: I sent you texts?

Hayden: atta boy.
Hayden: You free to hang out after our game Thursday?

15th best Metro: what did I say in these texts? I may not remember… 🤢
15th best Metro: maybe I deleted them?

Hayden: oh, are you serious?
Hayden: nevermind then
Hayden: forget I said anything. 

Hayden: someone is pissed we went out after the game last night
Hayden: she's still scared about her own optics I guess?
Hayden: so if you get a scary text saying to stay away from me, ignore it

15th best Metro: I will not let Angry Kitten stand between us my beloved
15th best Metro: also
15th best Metro: would require Angry Kitten to text me
15th best Metro: and Angry Kitten is not texting me
15th best Metro: Angry Kitten is at Montreal clubs getting rubbed by superheroes I guess 🤷‍♂️

Hayden: we're not calling him Angry Kitten
Hayden: I was barely on board with Panic Attack
Hayden: I told you last night this is payback for everything you've put him through
Hayden: you've been a lot less discreet about being a slut 
Hayden: remember like 4 months ago when you said you don't care what he does?

15th best Metro: I care now
15th best Metro: he wants to do someone he can fuck in public
15th best Metro: so he should understand I can have friends in public

Hayden: I know, I'm 25% kidding
Hayden: pissed bc no one fucking listens to me
Hayden: but I kinda hate him for this
Hayden: like how I hated you this summer

15th best Metro: no, hate him for sucking on the ice last night
15th best Metro: not for me

Hayden: you also sucked on the ice last night

15th best Metro: 🖕

Hayden: [link: Cooling Rivalry? Group of Boston and Montreal players spotted fraternizing at local bar before Boston hit the club]
Hayden: wtf that took two seconds 
Hayden: can’t imagine the press if someone else were there too
Hayden: also can't believe you still had the energy to go to change your outfit and go to the club that late
Hayden: don't have 3 kids m*n, and def don't have 4.

Hayden: oh fuck he was there!!! He never goes to clubs I thought you were kidding
Hayden: you saw him there?? are you ok?

15th best Metro: I am fine it was weird
15th best Metro: I made out with a l*dy it sucked
15th best Metro: I am just excited you told me of 19th P*ke child
15th best Metro: only news from last night that matters

Hayden: fourth.
Hayden: I will have four children. 

15th best Metro: baby names: Ilya, Ann, Nova…

Hayden: not Roze?
Hayden: shit sorry I realized the second I sent it

15th best Metro: i would never help you with a baby named Rose. 

Hayden: ???
Hayden: are you planning on helping????

15th best Metro: skating and chirp coach
15th best Metro: playtime
15th best Metro: mathematics tutor
15th best Metro: and when P*kes realize they cannot feed 23 babies
15th best Metro: I will take this one and show it a good life
15th best Metro: I will also be breastfeeding

Hayden: you’re a weird dude. 

15th best Metro: no one is supposed to know I am a dude

Hayden: but breastfeeding was fine??
Hayden: are we still following Jane’s rules?

Hayden: they broke up!!
Hayden: she told him that he’s gay lol
Hayden: yes those are the correct pronouns!
Hayden: what did he think he was before??

15th best Metro: ok? Idc J*ne can fuck whoever.
15th best Metro: is not a thing. 

Hayden: omg we’re back to this?
Hayden: 🙄🙄🙄
Hayden: fucking exhausting
Hayden: get your shit sorted out before all stars
Hayden: how are you going to be on the same team 

15th best Metro: focus more on yourself going to all stars next year
15th best Metro: and growing my new best friend in the womb you share with your spouse

Hayden: I have other kids you could be friends with
Hayden: literally just had a child this year

15th best Metro: no they are already tainted against me
15th best Metro: R*****v slander from the conception
15th best Metro: this conception happened on my watch.
15th best Metro: this one is mine

Hayden: I don’t know if this is very creepy or very sweet

15th best Metro: I am neither of those. 

Hayden: you’re a little sweet. 
Hayden: and actually yeah very creepy too. 
Hayden: like don’t say the conception happened on your watch
Hayden: just get your person back please??
Hayden: it’s like a little kicked dog wandered into the rink

15th best Metro: fuck off

15th best Metro: all stars is off the hook!
15th best Metro: you should be here!!

Hayden: thanks asshole
Hayden: who taught you off the hook?

15th best Metro: Jane
15th best Metro: Jane hired a stylist
15th best Metro: was supposed to be a secret so 🤫 

Hayden: no I know
Hayden: she was supposed to see someone this weekend she wanted to impress.
Hayden: also a secret so 🤫 

15th best Metro: He told me he is gay
15th best Metro: 🤣
15th best Metro: like yes sir I had my dick in your mouth before I could read english
15th best Metro: have been fucking you for half my life
15th best Metro: ate your cock before I ever had a hamburger
15th best Metro: we were drinking our cum before we could legally drink alcohol

Hayden: stop typing 
Hayden: I get it

15th best Metro: I blew you before I had my first full time job
15th best Metro: I think my dick was still growing. You have watched my dick grow. 
15th best Metro: my darling no one had chest hair yet
15th best Metro: we made out before I had first American dentist appointment

Hayden: ok thats enough

15th best Metro: Scott Hunter listened to us moan when he was only 60
15th best Metro: we came out to your best friend together
15th best Metro: I have been inside of you in more places than most people travel in their whole lives
15th best Metro: there is not a hotel room on this continent without our combined sperm on the walls
15th best Metro: but ok thank you for telling me that you are gay

Hayden: god
Hayden: I am obviously deleting all of these, I wish I never read them.
Hayden: in what world would any of this be ok
Hayden: even without text rules, just socially unacceptable.

Hayden: …also? I know you two have been at this a while but I can't tell how much of this is exaggerated
Hayden: like I don't know exactly when this started and now I am very curious

15th best Metro: I think 8 of them are really true
15th best Metro: 9? Depends.

Hayden: fuck! I already deleted them!

15th best Metro: anywayyyyy
15th best Metro: after that we had very nice night
15th best Metro: we had conversations
15th best Metro: and then we fucked a lot
15th best Metro: a lot a lot

Hayden: nice?? conversations??
Hayden: Sounds serious and not casual at all.
Hayden: see this is the stuff Shane would never tell me
Hayden: fuck sorry delete that

15th best Metro: I did. 

Hayden: You know what he said? When I asked about the weekend?
Hayden: "it was good. I had fun."

Hayden: quick question did you send us a bunch of very expensive baby stuff?
Hayden: and don't lie because I do know it was you
Hayden: we don't need this we literally just had a baby we have all of this already

15th best Metro: that stuff was not good enough for this new baby
15th best Metro: it was all tainted with slander
15th best Metro: this baby will be a champion and know true greatness (me)

Hayden: I'm selling it all. 
Hayden: I will never let you meet this baby.

Hayden: how did you know the brands we like for diapers and stuff? some of this is really specific...
Hayden: Jane doesn't know either
Hayden: trying not to be freaked out
Hayden: Jackie doesn't think it's creepy she says thank you

15th best Metro: how good is your gaydar

Hayden: what do you think? How many years..?

15th best Metro: ah. True. 

Hayden: why? 

15th best Metro: we have argument about Vaughn in NY
15th best Metro: I think yes
15th best Metro: I hope yes
15th best Metro: Jane not so much
15th best Metro: she says it is “wishful thinking”

Hayden: don’t include me in your weird foreplay games
Hayden: isn’t this what we’re not supposed to be doing??
Hayden: do you ever think some other couple is talking about you?

15th best Metro: not a couple

Hayden: fuck right off with that

15th best Metro: trying to get Jane here before game so we can go out after
15th best Metro: if we do it 1-2 times now then maybe she won’t be so thirsty for it later

Hayden: this is bold
Hayden: even for you
Hayden: not just how gross that was
Hayden: but you know we have to be on the ice in like 2 hours right?

15th best Metro: just trying to hang out with you after the game!

Hayden: hate that I’m included in your terrible sex ideas now
Hayden: we leave early tomorrow but I can come out for a minute yeah
Hayden: wait is this actually because you won't be able to hook up after the game?
Hayden: you must be very, very unimportant to each other
Hayden: to try to sneak in the only 2 hours you could possibly get
Hayden: you're so in love it's gross

15th best Metro: sorry I would like to have sex
15th best Metro: it is better than not having sex, yes?
15th best Metro: see you later
15th best Metro: have fun losing

Hayden: just please don't make him late
Hayden: I can't with you g*ys
Hayden: OMG GUYS not gays!!! Guys. Omg. 

Hayden: good game
Hayden: we're all at the same bar as your team, see you soon


Hayden: or not! guess you got caught up with Jane after all?

Hayden: uhhh Jane doesn't know where you went after the game and now espn says you didn't go to Nashville with your team
Hayden: let me know
Hayden: Jackie is worried for some reason.

Hayden: Jane just told me. I’m so sorry dude

Hayden: are you ok? You need anything?

15th best Metro: no thank you


15th best Metro: pictures of dogs and your children and Jane
15th best Metro: thank you

Hayden: On it
Hayden: please put my children in a different folder than Jane 🤢
Hayden: [photo]
Hayden: [photo]
Hayden: [photo]
Hayden: [photo]
Hayden: [photo]

15th best Metro: 💛 the little one is my favorite until mine comes out

Hayden: I'll let him know.

Hayden: Is there any risk anyone will throw the game tonight in sympathy?

15th best Metro: Boston does not need the Metros to throw games
15th best Metro: I do not want you thinking you lost because of this
15th best Metro: you will lose because you are bad at hockey and have too many children

Hayden: aaaand he's back l*dies and gentlem*n

15th best Metro: 🤣 

Hayden: driving to the hospital now.
Hayden: stay with your team

15th best Metro: please
15th best Metro: update?
15th best Metro: fuck Pike please update
15th best Metro: can I go to the hospital?

Hayden: he’s ok. He’s going to be ok. 
Hayden: there’s nothing you can do rn 
Hayden: we’re just sitting here waiting. His parents and me.
Hayden: you can’t come here and risk everything to sit and wait. 
Hayden: No one can even see him yet, probably not until morning.

15th best Metro: I should be there. 

Hayden: are you alone? calling you now

Hayden: good morning
Hayden: he's awake, he's fine. concussion is the worst of it and that's fine.

15th best Metro: ok 10 minutes away now

Hayden: ok in 5 minutes I am leaving the hospital with his parents for breakfast.
Hayden: you have like a half hour, maximum.
Hayden: because you have to be gone before we get back

15th best Metro: No shit

Hayden: fair warning, he’s high as fuck
Hayden: come to parking level 3 when you’re done


15th best Metro: ok coming up to level 3 now

15th best Metro: thank you

Hayden: I get why things have to be like this
Hayden: and I get why you’re not going to the cottage or taking it seriously
Hayden: but I say fuck it 
Hayden: I still like this for both of you

15th best Metro: It is a fantasy Pike.
15th best Metro: like you MVP
15th best Metro: cannot happen

Hayden: Someday. 

Chapter End Notes

Love you all so much!

Next chapter will be less serious I promise!!

Chapter 4: Rozanov’s baby

Chapter Summary

Hayden and Rozanov keep in touch after the 2016-2017 season

Chapter Notes

Cottage, ahoy! Just unrepentant fluff and unseriousness!

And a little post-cottage bc I had a secret in the works.

But seriously, I can’t thank all of you enough for your kind words. Y’all have me smiling at my phone like I’m getting texts from my hockey player situationship.

Enjoy!!

15th best Metro: ways to sex when they cannot look at screens and shares house with parents

Hayden: this isn’t Google. 
Hayden: get a life

15th best Metro: my dick isn’t out for the season
15th best Metro: is still in the playoffs
15th best Metro: how did your dick do?
15th best Metro: is your dick still in playoffs? I forget...🤔

Hayden: fuck off
Hayden: you know I have to delete these

Hayden: the playoffs lost a dick tonight 😢

15th best Metro: You have been thinking about that all week
15th best Metro: You were hoping for a loss so you could say that
15th best Metro: There’s still the old man dick left

Hayden: I know I'm not supposed to talk about your theories
Hayden: and I know I’m not the one to ask
Hayden: but really Hunter? I just don't see it
Hayden: speculating about that is the most interesting part of this game

15th best Metro: I know 🤣
15th best Metro: it's so boring 
15th best Metro: am literally packing for Russia while the game is on
15th best Metro: but look what I founddddd
15th best Metro: [photo]

Hayden: is that a Boston onesie???
Hayden: you can fuck right the hell off with that
Hayden: if that enters my house I will burn it.

15th best Metro: she will look so cuteeeee

Hayden: she will look cute in literally anything
Hayden: she will not be wearing that.

Hayden: what the fuck I look away for thirty seconds and Scott Hunter is kissing a dude???

15th best Metro: I can not believe this

Hayden: ?? You knew about him already

15th best Metro: no that was guessing 
15th best Metro: didn’t know anything

Hayden: who’s next? Anyone we know?

Hayden: just saying he was not kissing V**ghn so I hope you didn’t place money on that theory.  

15th best Metro: no that little guy was cuter than V*****
15th best Metro: must have a grandfather fetish

Hayden: ok d*de you can't follow me on instagram anymore
Hayden: you definitely can't comment "mine" on my newborn baby post

15th best Metro: oh J*** is social media tsar too now?

Hayden: no that command is just for me
Hayden: but Jane doesn't like that you follow me on instagram either
Hayden: the optics

Hayden: omg I see you're also following Jackie
Hayden: you commented "can't wait to spoil my niece" on hers
Hayden: that's a public profile!!!
Hayden: why is Jackie not more freaked out about this!!!
Hayden: ok all your comments are deleted but how long before this gets picked up by stan tumblr

15th best Metro: who is stan tumblr

Hayden: no one nevermind

15th best Metro: I am on stan tumblr
15th best Metro: I love it
15th best Metro: we must never tell Panic Attack about this
15th best Metro: #hollanov????
15th best Metro: they know everything.
15th best Metro: I have heart eyes 
15th best Metro: delete everything 
15th best Metro: they will take the smallest clue and run
15th best Metro: maybe does Panic Attack already know about this?
15th best Metro: is stan why we text like this?

Hayden: just overheard someone tell their parents they are taking a two-week “silent retreat” to their cottage next month. 
Hayden: I thought you were going to Russia but this has sex vacation written all over it. 
Hayden: romantic vacations are very, very casual, no feelings involved there. 
Hayden: it’s not fair when I’m going to be changing newborn diapers
Hayden: other people shouldn’t be allowed to have sex when I’m not. 

15th best Metro: ???
15th best Metro: who is?
15th best Metro: I am in Russia.

Hayden: fuck... maybe it’s not a sex retreat? 
Hayden: it’s really not you?

15th best Metro: no I am kidding 
15th best Metro: of course I am doing 2 week sex trip

15th best Metro: maybe come to the cottage during the second week of sex trip?
15th best Metro: would be fun
15th best Metro: could just be regular trip that day

Hayden: I literally will have a month-old baby?
Hayden: I absolutely can not do that

15th best Metro: she is the reason you are invited
15th best Metro: need to meet her 😭



Hayden: you know what's wild?
Hayden: I told Jackie you said I should go to the cottage
Hayden: like because it was funny and ridiculous?
Hayden: and she said I should take Amber and go for a night
Hayden: she said it would be a good night's sleep for her and good for the kids to get mom's attention again?
Hayden: it was almost like she wanted this?

15th best Metro: 😇 this is why I am J*cki*'s favorite
15th best Metro: let me ask J*ne

Hayden: you didn't ask her first???

Hayden: hahaha they just cut to you texting at the MLH awards
Hayden: MVP couldn't go to anyone but Hunter right?
Hayden: these speeches are long af
Hayden: I would be asleep

15th best Metro: I think I am going to speak with him
15th best Metro: Angry Kitten thinks he already knew when she fought him
15th best Metro: love that fight. I want to pull it up on my phone and show him
15th best Metro: but I think I should tell him he made me cancel my Russia flight

Hayden: aww that's why?

15th best Metro: 🤷‍♂️

Hayden: wait were you lying when you said he heard you two doing it?
Hayden: I think if he knew anything, it was because of that
Hayden: not bc he was gay too
Hayden: you were just lucky he was gay too
Hayden: also how did you know he was listening in??
Hayden: I need details

15th best Metro: she said he had the hotel room next to ours
15th best Metro: but then she was super loud anyway like she always is
15th best Metro: because I am very good at head
15th best Metro: I was also probably loud because she is also very good at head
15th best Metro: I think there was also hand stuff and rubbing

Hayden: I am blocking your number.

15th best Metro: you said details!

Hayden: gross. sorry I asked.

15th best Metro: anyway he probably did not hear over his crying
15th best Metro: we both broke his shot record that day
15th best Metro: great day

Hayden: wtf
Hayden: god you couldn't be talking about rookie season all star weekend
Hayden: that's the last time anyone but you two have had that record

15th best Metro: is when I met Panic Attack 🖤

Hayden: I thought you knew each other before then??
Hayden: you hooked up the weekend you met??

15th best Metro: No I knew S****
15th best Metro: very well 😋
15th best Metro: but it was the first time I met Panic Attack
15th best Metro: and then I got Jane's number
15th best Metro: actually Angry Kitten was there too bc of the old man
15th best Metro: all my favorites
15th best Metro: very very good day

Hayden: ah yes everyone has a favorite casual sex partner of 7? years
Hayden: when I go to the cottage I am sitting you both down for a detailed timeline.
Hayden: NOT DETAILED I didn't mean detailed

15th best Metro: there will be details

Hayden: did you get to the cottage?
Hayden: I'm assuming yes bc no one has answered a text in 2 days and or asked about the baby even once

15th best Metro: yes we are here

Hayden: wow two more days later and still nothing from anyone else

15th best Metro: been busy with gendered genitals
15th best Metro: and non-gendered genitals
15th best Metro: have you heard of a loon or is she making it up?

Hayden: Like the bird?

15th best Metro: Jane enjoyed your phone call 😂 

Hayden: you know
Hayden: the whole time I kept thinking 
Hayden: there’s no way they’d actually be doing this
Hayden: when I’m on the phone
Hayden: holding my newborn daughter 
Hayden: that it couldn’t actually be happening. 

15th best Metro: a gentleperson never says 🤐

Hayden: you can't be coy about it now, asshole!!!!
Hayden: I already heard the worst things a person could hear!
Hayden: was it not enough to include me in your sexting??? 
Hayden: I had to be there for the actual thing??
Hayden: I am NOT going to the cottage anymore

15th best Metro: omg Panic Attack II !!

Hayden: all along I've thought
Hayden: ok so Lily is a sexual deviant
Hayden: but Jane is so innocent and hates these antics
Hayden: but no
Hayden: I can't BELIEVE Jane let that happen
Hayden: fully wanted to believe it was literally anything else happening over there

15th best Metro: I am the innocent one here

Hayden: WHAT??
Hayden: there is no innocent one here

Hayden: an AMAZON DELIVERY???
Hayden: is what he said
Hayden: I need a stiff drink
Hayden: how the fuck did you go years of this without someone to harass with your sex secrets? 

15th best Metro: You love us 🖤 💛 

Hayden: get fucked

15th best Metro: No, it has been the other way around

Hayden: 🤢 🤢 🤢 🤢 🤢 
Hayden: I need Jane's weird Russian safe word, please!!!!
Hayden: I'm cancelling my trip

15th best Metro: you would never



15th best Metro: you sent me a Venmo request for therapy??? 

Hayden: because why did Jackie come home laughing at me!!!!
Hayden: I am never contacting either of you again

15th best Metro: Truce?
15th best Metro: because David Hollander walked in here and saw
15th best Metro: panic attack is getting dressed and we go to their house now to talk
15th best Metro: i can’t tell him I am also mr. panic attack right now 
15th best Metro: fuck pike 

Hayden: oh my god!! 
Hayden: how did it go??
Hayden: are you still there?
Hayden: no one is answering me 

Hayden: remember to delete those texts btw 

15th best Metro: I did
15th best Metro: it was soooo good
15th best Metro: the pasta was everything
15th best Metro: and dad had Russian vodka

Hayden: you are the worst
Hayden: anything BESIDES the food and drink??

15th best Metro: parents are good 
15th best Metro: best day of my life

Hayden: wow
Hayden: very casual
Hayden: very rivals-with-benefits

15th best Metro: ehhh no we are b*yfriends now

Hayden: !!!! 
Hayden: !!!!!
Hayden: we have to delete that text and that makes me sad 
Hayden: screenshotting and putting it in my locked folder. 

Hayden: leaving now, Jane's not answering
Hayden: do you need anything at the house?

15th best Metro: last time you didn't like it when Jane answered 

Hayden: please I am trying so hard to repress the memory

15th best Metro: bring one baby please
15th best Metro: only one, not the others 

Hayden: I mean from the store asshole

15th best Metro: [photo]
15th best Metro: [photo]
15th best Metro: [photo]
15th best Metro: [photo]
15th best Metro: my favorites from yesterday

Hayden: just got home
Hayden: wait these are actually very cute

15th best Metro: I really don't want to leave the cottage ☹️

Hayden: I regret adding your boyfriends text to my locked folder when I went to jerk off yesterday

15th best Metro: that was like weeks ago have you not jerked off?
15th best Metro: if you wanted nudies you could have asked 

Hayden: I have a newborn baby
Hayden: no I’ve seen enough of your nudies to last me a lifetime

15th best Metro: you said you scrolled past! 

Hayden: I did. It was still too much. 

15th best Metro: because it was too big?

Hayden: no ew god
Hayden: asshole

15th best Metro: You can ask someone else for pictures of those 
15th best Metro: he will say no ☹️ 
15th best Metro: let me know if he says yes
15th best Metro: and send it to me
15th best Metro: I will pay

Hayden: why haven't I blocked you yet? 

15th best Metro: you love me 
15th best Metro: you both love me 😊 

15th best Metro: I miss the cottage
15th best Metro: I don't want to go to stupid hockey practice
15th best Metro: picture of my baby?

Hayden: [photo]
Hayden: someone said you're coming over for dinner when we play you next month!

15th best Metro: yes I have already been given a list of very boring rules

Hayden: and they’ve assured me that you’re weirdly good with kids
Hayden: no clue when they've seen you around kids but ok.

15th best Metro: we have 3 secret children
15th best Metro: 2 girls and a boy, ages 8, 6 and 1. 
15th best Metro: Jackie, Lily, and baby Hayden Pike

Hayden: omg imagine
Hayden: I never want know what kind of children you would raise

15th best Metro: Hayden Pike is very bad at hockey

Hayden: well he's 1

15th best Metro: weird I thought you were older

Hayden: fucking delete this.

15th best Metro: Hayden Pike is always crying 😭

15th best Metro: is my child ok?
Hayden: yes it was just a fever
Hayden: how did you know we took her in?
Hayden: Jane was in shoots all day

Hayden: ok I’ve slept on it and I still want to bring it up
Hayden: this is like the 20th time you've known something about my home life I didn't tell you
Hayden: both you and my wife have said some weird shit about each other
Hayden: so I asked her
Hayden: she said it was nothing that you just saved her number after we switched phones
Hayden: but like
Hayden: you're not using her number right??

15th best Metro: we have been texting daily since phone accident

Hayden: ???????

15th best Metro: kidding!!
15th best Metro: only like once a week

Hayden: ?????????
Hayden: When???

Hayden: ?????
15th best Metro: ok we have decided I can tell you
15th best Metro: it's not often
15th best Metro: just before my games
15th best Metro: and whenever Jane is at your house
15th best Metro: twins birthdays
15th best Metro: whenever real housewives of New Jersey is on
15th best Metro: during your cup run and when you won
15th best Metro: and I got some pregnancy updates for Artyusha
15th best Metro: none from you thank you very much
15th best Metro: I sent him a baby Russia outfit last summer but Jackie said no before you saw it 😭

Hayden: wtf???
Hayden: that's a lot!

15th best Metro: and then also when you had the panic attack over the summer
15th best Metro: all of my games this season
15th best Metro: when her grandmother died 🙁
15th best Metro: after you told me there was my Amber in her womb 
15th best Metro: she let you tell me that in person bc you have the cutest wife

Hayden: fucking never say my wife is cute
Hayden: she is!
Hayden: but you don't get to say that!!!

15th best Metro: then Christmas she wanted me to come there bc I had no where to go
15th best Metro: I said no thank you
15th best Metro: then she shared her shopping list with me to buy one thing for the baby
15th best Metro: and she was very mad I bought it all
15th best Metro: I think she might have DMs with Rose Landry about Jane
15th best Metro: delete that
15th best Metro: When i went to Russia for my fathers funeral she FaceTimed me with Artyusha
15th best Metro: and then when I came back she had food delivered to my house
15th best Metro: She visited Jane’s condo with me when Jane was in the hospital 

Hayden: what????

15th best Metro: it was nice of her
15th best Metro: then during this years cup

Hayden: ok I get it!

15th best Metro: After I talked to Scott Hunter 
15th best Metro: Artyusha’s birthday
15th best Metro: And then she asked if we would take you and the baby off her hands for a night 🤣 

Hayden: she asked you to do that????

15th best Metro: [screenshot]

Hayden: omfg
Hayden: what? 
Hayden: are you like
Hayden: ??? Fucking sexting my wife???

15th best Metro: noooooo omg no p*ke
15th best Metro: lmao
15th best Metro: no thank you
15th best Metro: she’s very pretty 
15th best Metro: but I like my Jane thank you

Hayden: you didn’t though!
Hayden: before 
Hayden: when it wasn’t serious

15th best Metro: it was always serious
15th best Metro: Jackie has been a good mother to Jane 
15th best Metro: and now me
15th best Metro: would be incest

Hayden: mother??
Hayden: she’s younger than you!

15th best Metro: that’s what she always says too 😂

Hayden: I just read through your whole thread.
Hayden: ngl I thought the worst when I saw your name is "Not Hayden"
Hayden: but you were not kidding.
Hayden: this is very sweet
Hayden: but I noticed you don't scar her brain with your sexual filth
Hayden: which a) thank you for that
Hayden: and b) can I please sign up for that version of you??

15th best Metro: no sorry the sexual filth must come out somewhere

Hayden: how did this become my life?

Hayden: We are very excited to have you two in our home for dinner tonight. 

15th best Metro: can not wait to see my goddaughter

Hayden: she is not your goddaughter

15th best Metro: fine. 
15th best Metro: I cannot wait to see my daughter. 

Hayden: ??? 
Hayden: even niece would be stretching it. 
Hayden: secret partner’s teammate’s daughter would be most accurate. 

15th best Metro: 👎

Hayden: I know someone gave you ground rules
Hayden: I feel I have to remind you
Hayden: 1. My kids don’t know what sex is. Please be well behaved. 

15th best Metro: because their father is virgin?

Hayden: I have like 12 kids wtf
Hayden: 2. my wife is not interested
Hayden: I know she sexted for y’all once but that doesn’t mean you can make her uncomfortable tonight

15th best Metro: is ok she loves me

Hayden: I will change her number.

15th best Metro: you wouldn't dare.
15th best Metro: Hollander will not have threesome anyway he is so boring 
15th best Metro: delete that. 

Hayden: I will delete any text about you having a threesome with my wife. 
Hayden: 3. we have a swear jar
Hayden: cursing will cost you money. 

15th best Metro: I will just not talk

Hayden: if only
Hayden: 4. I can’t believe I am saying this to an adult grownup 
Hayden: delete this: you’ve said things about the ugliest pike child, my favorite pike child, how amber is “yours” and the others are not
Hayden: thats not really how you talk to kids. 

15th best Metro: Lord there are so many rules
15th best Metro: feel like I’m sexting with Shane Hollander 

Hayden: ... 
Hayden: actually not sure you have to delete that one
Hayden: that’s a very good burn 
Hayden: could be on either of our phones

15th best Metro: see you tonight 😘 

Chapter End Notes

Thank you so much for reading, commenting, and all of the kinds of love you've shown! This fandom is so electric right now and I'm overwhelmed by the response to this dumb idea!

My tumblr I use for lurking and DMs is @exactphoify

I love you all so much!!

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