A Few of My Favorite Things

N
Natalie (Hammersmith)

Fri, Mar 2 at 10:11 AM

Ilya Rozanov are you terrorizing the Raiders Foundation girls again?

no 😇

Ilya

maybe

tell me what I did

Your favorite things basket

ah

i thought it was good this year yes

worked very hard

included so many of my favorite things

they do not like?

NO

They did not like

🙁

why?

I don’t know

Maybe the gift card for a restaurant in Ottawa

very good restaurant though?

five stars

We live in BOSTON

But also

The carton of cigarettes

The CONDOMS

yes

favorite things

also vodka and little raiders teddy bear

Those were fine

The other things are not

Ilya

They are raising money for CHARITY

For CHILDREN

but children are not buying the baskets i thought??

THAT IS NOT THE POINT

They are freaking out right now because YOU are the captain

YOU are the most popular player on the team

And YOUR basket is going to raise the most money

But it won’t if you include CONDOMS

those are my favorite things though

i should not lie?

In this case please lie

Can you send the foundation girls a new basket?

🙁

i use all my best ideas for this one

Ugh. Do you have a girlfriend or family member who can maybe help?

I feel gross asking

You are a grown man Ilya you should know better

JaneJ

my jane can help

Jane???

Who’s Jane?????

my lover

wait

jane does not like that word

partner?

Brad just said to ask if Jane is Montreal Jane?

yes 😏

He’s freaking out… Care to explain why?

team knows that jane and i have been casual for many years. but we decided to make it official in the summer

Congratulations to you two!!

You’re going to have to introduce her to the team soon

And I’m going to add her to the chat

ah please no jane is shy

and lives in montreal

Aww, doing the long distance thing?

Probably could have guessed

Given the whole “Montreal Jane” thing

yes

but my jane is worth it

Okay that is so sweet you almost distracted me from the fact that you included CONDOMS in your CHARITY BASKET

This girl must be a saint to put up with you

I’ll tell the foundation girls to reach out to Jane

Thanks for sharing

😇

if foundations girls do not want the original basket can I have it back?

jane is visiting soon and we will need

Ilya are you kidding me

H
Hammersmith

Fri, Mar 2 at 10:58 AM

ROZ

YOU AND JANE?

yes

she locked me up

Locked you down

But holy shit!

sometimes definitely lock me up 😈

TMI dude

MF
Melissa Foundation

Fri, Mar 2 at 1:06 PM

Hi Jane! This is Melissa with the Raiders Foundation.

…Hi?

How did you get this number?

Oh did Ilya tell you why we’re reaching out?

No. No he did not

Well we’re doing our annual favorite things basket auction and Ilya needs some help

A lot of help

And he told us to reach out to you :)

I’m going to kill him

Sorry that he didn’t tell you before we reached out! We were so excited to hear that you and Ilya were together

We didn’t think we were ever going to add the captain’s partner to the Foundation WAG chat!

L
Lily 💐

Fri, Mar 2 at 1:12 PM

Why is Melissa from the Raiders Foundation texting me?

Ilya

What did you do

ah

you are wag now yes?

Ilya

i gave your number to hammersmith’s wife

she thinks i need help with the charity basket

and you know all my favorite things

😈

Wait you told her we were together?

i told her jane and i were official

she is very happy for us

Jesus Ilya

I don’t even do my charity basket for Montreal

My mom does it for me

please shane?

…Fine

But you owe me

don’t worry мой котёнок

i will pay you back

👿✊🍆💦🫦😻

Fuck

Call in 15?

yes

wear your glasses

🤓🍆💦💦🥵

MF
Melissa Foundation

Fri, Mar 2 at 1:17 PM

We weren’t exactly ready to tell people

Oh gosh! I’m sorry

I totally understand if you don’t want to help

No no I’ll help

Ilya promised to pay me back 🙂

Phew! Because he needs a lot of help

A LOT of help

A lot

Christ what did he do

Not sure if you know how these things work since you’re new

But we asked him for a list of his favorite things to put in a basket that we’ll auction off for the Raiders Foundation, which helps support our mission of funding underserved communities to improve the lives of children in the Boston area

Favorite things are usually some signed Raiders items, small things related to hobbies, maybe a bottle of nice alcohol or a case of local beer

But some of Ilya’s items were inappropriate

…

Did he put lube in the basket?

Well not exactly. He put condoms in it

I’m going to kill him

L
Lily 💐

Fri, Mar 2 at 1:28 PM

CONDOMS???

we didnt use all of them at the cottage

they were going to expire

thinking of environment

Fucking christ

MF
Melissa Foundation

Fri, Mar 2 at 1:39 PM

Sorry about that Melissa

Don’t get too mad at him!

Ilya is one of our favorite guys to work with

Always shows up for the events and really makes an effort to connect with the kids on the community visits

Still

I’m sorry

Thank you

If you could help pull together 6-10 of his favorite items and a few pieces of Raiders merch - preferably signed by Ilya - by the end of the week that’d be amazing

Okay I can do that

And I don’t think I need to tell you this, but please no cigarettes or gift cards to restaurants in other countries please 🙂

L
Lily 💐

Fri, Mar 2 at 1:45 PM

CIGARETTES?

i am quitting

proud of me yes?

Fuck you

I don’t know if I want to facetime anymore

what

no

shane

please

it was a joke

shane

shane

please call me

please

〈   Notes

JP
Jackie Pike

Fri, Mar 2 at 6:29 PM

You do Hayden's favorite things basket right?

Yes?

Um

Could you help me?

Doesn’t Yuna usually do your baskets?

Yeah

Wait how did you know that?

I mean everything is #sponsored in there

Easy guess

Oh

Yeah

It’s not for my basket

Not your basket?

Wait

ARE YOU DOING ROZANOV’S BASKET

...yes

Awwww Shane you are truly a WAG now

Ugh

But would you be able to help?

I don’t even know how to do my own basket how am I supposed to put together one for Ilya

Honey. He’s your boyfriend. Just think of what his favorite things in the world are, add a signed jersey and boom

That might be the problem

He already tried doing that

Which was why Melissa from the Raiders Foundation was asking me for help

What did he put in there?

…

Shane if you tell me I promise to help

Fine

Condoms and cigarettes

!!!

Which are two of his favorite things

To be fair to him

God you two are hopeless

I don’t know if even I can handle this

Please Jackie?

I’ll babysit for two weeks

Was going to do it anyways but no take-backs 🙂

So what’s the issue?

I’m trying to think of things but everything is either specific to us or well…

Condoms and cigarettes?

Yeah

What does he do in his free time?

Um

...condoms and cigarettes

Yeah

I see your problem

Have you tried asking him?

...

Shane Hollander

Communicate with your boyfriend

No wonder it took you 8 years to get together

Yeah

We’re still getting used to that

L
Lily 💐

Sat, Mar 3 at 12:57 PM

What’s your normal gameday routine?

why? you want to see when we can have phone sex?

give me hour i am still at rink

No!

I mean maybe

But I was curious how you get ready for a home game

Like I have a specific lunch and nap routine and wanted to know if you were the same

ah

wake up

get mcgriddle

go to rink for skate

come home

jerk off

take nap

go to rink 30 minutes early listening to pregame playlist

can easily replace jerk off with phone sex though

Jesus

What kind of music?

wow who are you and what have you done with my boyfriend

Fuck off

I can be interested in music

the only music you listen to is in warmups

and the boston goal song

When we beat you 😈

👎

Seriously what do you listen to?

kernkraft 400 - zombie nation

🙄

russian rap, edm, bad bunny

Bad Bunny? Isn’t that a cartoon character?

😂

oh shane

〈   Notes

L
Lily 💐

Mon, Mar 5 at 1:52 PM

What are you doing right now?

just got off the ice at practice

What are your plans after?

well i am very sweaty

worked very hard at practice

about to take a shower

what are you doing?

Also just got off the ice

you sweaty?

dripping?

Yeah

Lots of conditioning today since we have the three days between games

Feel super gross

About to hop in the showers too

fuck

you thinking of me during the drills?

Yeah

I think about you all the time

did you get hard during drills?

checking teammates into boards and imagining they were me?

Fuck off!

No!

will you think of me in showers?

both of us showering at the same time

Shut up

i touch myself and imagine it is your hand

while you touch yourself all the way in montreal

What were you going to do after the showers?

i’m going to fuck my hand shane

cum all over the raiders showers

Fuck

There are too many guys still here for me to do this

Gimme ten minutes

then why did you sext me?

I didn’t!

I wanted to know what your plans were

You started sexting me

that is not what the texts say hollander

Fuck you

gladly 😈

Call when you get home?

ah marly is coming over to play mlh

why I was so glad you were sexting now

I wasn’t sexting!

but I can pretend I’m taking a big dump and we jerk off in bathroom together?

marly is oblivious

Gross

😘

〈   Notes

BOS WAG F(or)TK

Wed, Mar 12 at 4:37 PM

Melissa has added Jane to the conversation


Melissa (Foundation)

Hi ladies! We’re about a week out from teasing the Raiders Favorite Things baskets. Most of your guys are set, but we’re still waiting on baskets from Ilya, Cliff, and Connor

Gabby (Johansson)

Excited to see what everyone came up with!

Susan (Feller)

We’re going to raise so much money ftk

Erin (Dubek)

FTK!

***F(or)TK!

Melissa (Foundation)

Don’t let a fan take a photo of your screen again 😂

Erin (Dubek)

Omg don’t remind me

I still get asked why I hate kids so much

Hannah (Carmichael)



Susan (Feller)

Melissa do you need any help getting those boys wrangled up? I know Roz is a menace with the baskets

Christy (Connors)

Getting one more thing for Connor. I’ve been spending most of my time trying to convince him that most people do not want fifteen rolls of shin pad tape

Gabby (Johansson)

Who is the new number that got added?

Melissa did you guys finally get to hire someone??

Melissa (Foundation)

Unfortunately still waiting on that front

And that’s Jane, Ilya’s girlfriend

Christy (Connors)

ILYA ROZANOV HAS A GIRLFRIEND?

Gabby (Johansson)

OMG HI JANE!

Hannah (Carmichael)

Welcome Jane!!!

Rochelle (St-Simon)

I can’t wait to meet you!

Susan (Feller)

Natalie did you know about Jane? Why isn’t she in the main WAG chat?

Natalie (Hammersmith)

Ilya gave me her number, but said she didn’t want to be in the WAG chat yet

I think it’s still new

Melissa (Foundation)

Oh gosh sorry Jane if you didn’t want to be added!

I thought it’d be easier to coordinate with everyone in one spot

Hi everyone

Thanks for the warm welcome!

And yeah Ilya and I haven’t really gone public yet

Melissa (Foundation)

I can remove you from this chat! So sorry again!

Gabby (Johansson)

Please stay Jane!

Susan (Feller)

Seriously we’ve never had one of Rozanov’s girls here

Rochelle (St-Simon)

This chat is much less wild than the other WAG chat

Christy (Connors)

Yesss this is just for official Raiders community stuff!

Tbh it’s mostly dead outside of the months leading up to the gala and golf tournament

Hannah (Carmichael)

Don’t remind me about the golf tournament 🤮 I’m still recovering from last season

I guess I can stay

I can’t promise I’ll be too active or helpful though

Ilya and I are long distance

Natalie (Hammersmith)

You’re still in Montreal, right?

Yeah

Christy (Connors)

Wait you are THE Montreal Jane?

I guess

Erin (Dubek)

THE LEGEND HERSELF

Rochelle (St-Simon)

Vic has mentioned you so many times over the years

I’m so glad you and Ilya are official!

Oh wow

I didn’t realize you guys knew

Susan (Feller)

Girl everyone knows about you two

Erin (Dubek)

especially after november 2016

#neverforget

Christy (Connors)

Connor was so happy when you got back together with Ilya that WE had makeup sex

Um

You’re welcome?

Melissa (Foundation)

I’d like to remind everyone that I am on a work phone

Christy (Connors)

Sorry Melissa!

Susan (Feller)

Ignoring THAT, we are happy that you’re here even you’re not ready to be in the main chat yet 🙂

Gabby (Johansson)

Are you planning on going to the gala?

Rochelle (St-Simon)

Wait Jane do you even know what the gala is?

Christy (Connors)

omg that’s right it’s been so long since we’ve had a new girl I forget that not everyone is wag-brained yet

Natalie (Hammersmith)

The Black & Gold Gala is the main fundraiser for the Raiders Foundation. But really it’s an excuse for the guys to get dressed up and drink a bunch of wine

Or vodka in Ilya’s case

Melissa (Foundation)

I still don’t know where he found that bottle

It wasn’t even a sponsor

Ilya told me all about it but unfortunately I have a work thing

Susan (Feller)

Whenever you get the chance to come to Boston we all definitely want to meet you! Even if not in an official WAG capacity

Rochelle (St-Simon)

Yes!

Hannah (Carmichael)

Would love to meet the girl who managed to lock down Ilya Rozanov

Thanks guys

**girls

Melissa (Foundation)

Back to business: we’d ideally need to have the baskets finalized by end of day tomorrow so we can get them all set up on the MLH auction site

Hypothetically if I was still trying to figure out what to put in Ilya’s basket, what would you suggest?

Hypothetically

Gabby (Johansson)

Awww Jane the first basket is always the toughest

Christy (Connors)

It took me weeks to figure out what to put in Connor’s the first time

Susan (Feller)

Christy it is still taking you weeks

Christy (Connors)

And that was even more true the first time

Natalie (Hammersmith)

Don’t worry too much

You literally cannot do worse than what Roz has done

Gabby (Johansson)

Last year his basket was four bottles of Russian vodka and a signed jersey

Erin (Dubek)

How that went for $4K I still don’t know

Melissa (Foundation)

Shhhh don’t jinx it!

Natalie (Hammersmith)

The bar is on the floor with that man

Yeah and I saw what he tried to use this year

But I want to make a good impression

Gabby (Johansson)

Awww Jane

Susan (Feller)

That’s so sweet!

Natalie (Hammersmith)

First you have to think about what he likes

That’s the issue though

Rochelle (St-Simon)

Why?

His favorite things are vodka, hockey, and sex with me

Erin (Dubek)

GIRL

Gabby (Johansson)

Awww...?

Christy (Connors)

I mean that tracks

Hannah (Carmichael)

Girl if you locked down Roz I know that sex must be insane

Melissa (Foundation)

Again, work phone

Sorry Melissa

Susan (Feller)

What do you two do together?

...

I don’t think Melissa would appreciate the answer

Hannah (Carmichael)

GET IT GIRL

Gabby (Johansson)

Wow

Christy (Connors)

Ah young love

Natalie (Hammersmith)

Christy Roz is literally older than you

Christy (Connors)

**Ah new love

I don’t think 2009 is considered all that new though?

Gabby (Johansson)

2009?!?

Hannah (Carmichael)

THE YEAR OF OUR LORD TWO THOUSAND NINE

Christy (Connors)

Holy crap you guys have been together forever

Erin (Dubek)

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Fuck

Please forget that I said that

I wasn’t supposed to say anything

Rochelle (St-Simon)

Don’t worry the WAG chat is sacred

Including all of its iterations

Christy (Connors)

The amount of gossip in here would put TMZ to shame

Melissa (Foundation)

As long as it’s work appropriate and nothing that I have to report!

Christy (Connors)

Oh right forgot this was the Foundation one

Not as much gossip here

Unless you want all the deets on how drunk the donors get

Gabby (Johansson)

Or the time Duby crashed his golf cart and broke his wrist

Susan (Feller)

Eric and his boys doing work keeping that under wraps

Erin (Dubek)

“weight room accident causing upper body injury” PLEASE

Maybe you shouldn’t be talking about it?

In case it still leaks

Gabby (Johansson)

Aww Jane you’re so sweet to care

This was like three seasons ago nobody gives a fuck now

Rochelle (St-Simon)

Besides we’re all Raiders fans here

...

Rochelle (St-Simon)

Are you not a Raiders fan?

Gabby (Johansson)

Wait Jane is from Montreal

Hannah (Carmichael)

Does that mean...

Erin (Dubek)

jane are you a metros fan???

Christy (Connors)

Please tell me you’re not a Metros fan??

Go Lys Go

Hannah (Carmichael)

BOOOOO

Susan (Feller)

I knew you were too good to be true Jane

Gabby (Johansson)

Wow Roz with a Montreal fan?

Erin (Dubek)

yeah how does that work???

We’re both very competitive people

And whoever loses has to do whatever the other person says

Gabby (Johansson)

Oh like chores?

Sex

Hannah (Carmichael)

WOW JANE

Erin (Dubek)

OKAY

Melissa (Foundation)

Girls

Gabby (Johansson)

Sorry Melissa!

Rochelle (St-Simon)

We should have added Jane ages ago

Gabby (Johansson)

Jane please join the main WAG chat!

Hannah (Carmichael)

We promise you can talk about sex as much as you want in there

Christy (Connors)

Probably more than you want tbh

Susan (Feller)

Jane has made Melissa yell at us more in the past 30 minutes than she has in the past two seasons I think she’ll be fine

Erin (Dubek)

trueee

I appreciate the offer but we’re still keeping this private

Natalie (Hammersmith)

2009 is a long time to be private gotta say

Oh

Well

2009 is when we started hooking up

We only became official this summer

Gabby (Johansson)

Wow you two are the definition of “it’s complicated” on Facebook

Yeah

It’s been a journey

Hannah (Carmichael)

A sex journey 😏

Melissa (Foundation)

Please stop

HR looks through my texts

Natalie (Hammersmith)

I bet!

Omg to Hannah not to Melissa

Melissa (Foundation)

ANYWAYS

Please have the baskets done by Wednesday!

Rochelle (St-Simon)

Oh right Jane you still need help?

😬

Please

Gabby (Johansson)

Hmmm

Natalie (Hammersmith)

Roz loves his cars right?

Erin (Dubek)

i swear he has a new one every month

But I can’t put a car in basket?

Christy (Connors)

Oh sweetie

You can put a toy car in his basket

Gabby (Johansson)

I bet there’s Hot Wheels or an R/C car that would work

Susan (Feller)

Can confirm there are Hot Wheels versions of all of Roz’s cars

Nathan is going through a Hot Wheels phase right now

And Roz has been “helping” by showing him photos

Erin (Dubek)

That sounds adorable

Susan (Feller)

It is

Would it be weird to put toys in a basket

Not those kind of toys Melissa

Melissa (Foundation)

Thank you

But aren’t these baskets for adults?

Rochelle (St-Simon)

Jane I’m going to hold your hand as I say this

Our men make millions of dollars playing a game

Nobody expects them to mature past the age of 12

Hannah (Carmichael)

Besides a lot of donors are so obsessed with the team they’d bid $1K for Ilya’s towel

Melissa (Foundation)

Rude

But true

Natalie (Hammersmith)

Don’t give Melissa any ideas!

Erin (Dubek)

foundation bouta raid the laundry

So it would be fine to include toy cars and puzzles and stuff like that?

Erin (Dubek)

YES GIRL

Rochelle (St-Simon)

Those would be perfect!

Oh good

Based off Ilya’s original basket I thought it had to be all for adults

Melissa (Foundation)

Before anyone asks, those items are not work appropriate so Jane please do not share

I already have to report so much of this conversation to my director

Like a BOSs

Wed, Mar 7 at 5:16 PM

Erin (Dubek) has added Jane to the conversation

Erin (Dubek)

i know you said you didn’t want to be added to the wag chat but im sorry melissa is cock blocking all of us

pun definitely intended

Hannah (Carmichael)

SPILL

Oh

It’s not as bad as you guys probably think

**girls

Natalie (Hammersmith)

Jane you can leave the chat if you’d like

Melissa told me

It’s why I got Jane’s number in the first place

Erin (Dubek)

AND YOU KEPT THOSE DETAILS TO YOURSELF?!?

TRAITOR

No it’s fine

Ilya thought cigarettes and condoms were appropriate to include in the basket

Hannah (Carmichael)

OMG

Christy (Connors)

Jesus Roz

Susan (Feller)

Jane how do you put up with him?

Well he asked for the condoms back

And they were going to expire soon so we had to use them up...

Hannah (Carmichael)

GET IT GIRL

Erin (Dubek)

i never imagined what roz would be like in a relationship but tbh this tracks

Natalie (Hammersmith)

Don’t forget the gift card to a restaurant in Ottawa

I didn’t know it was for Ottawa

Oh wow

Natalie (Hammersith)

Yeah I was wondering what was up with that

My parents are in Ottawa

They met Ilya this summer

Erin (Dubek)

the jane lore keeps expanding!

Gabby (Johansson)

Wow so you introduced Ilya to your parents right after you guys became official

Uh well

Kinda

Gabby (Johansson)

Kinda?

My dad might have walked in on us

Christy (Connors)

Omg Jane

Natalie (Hammersmith)

I am so glad Ilya gave us your number

We’re going to have to meet in person the next time you’re in Boston!

Yeah maybe

〈   Notes

L
Lily 💐

Fri, Mar 8 at 3:12 PM

i am dying

i am dead

???





raiders went to humane society today )))

played with so many dogs )))

look at this dog!



That dog is kinda cute

kinda?

no

is cutest thing in the world

Wow that cute huh

dont worry моя любовь you are still #2

just like draft position

Fuck off

look at this one!


Shane we should get a dog

How would that even work?

We don’t live together

i do not see no

Not a no

But not right now

I’ll put it in the plan

🥹

i love you so much shane hollander

I love you too Ilya Rozanov ❤️

〈   Notes

M
Melissa (Foundation)

Mon, Mar 12 at 2:53 PM

We just got everything for the basket

Thank you so much, Jane! This is definitely Ilya’s best basket since I joined the Raiders

We’re going to raise so much money to help children

No problem

I do have one question though...

Does Ilya know that you sent a signed copy of MLH18?

Signed by Shane Hollander?

Somehow??

Well

Ilya told me that I had free reign over the basket

And you both know I’m a Metros fan

Oh

Okay

The reaction will be interesting

But all press is good press I guess!

I thought you wanted signed things?

Yes!

Signed things always raise more money

Not sure it will among this audience

Since it’s public enemy #1

Hollander isn’t that bad

No he’s not

And the Metros Foundation always speak highly of him

Really?

Yeah

But Ilya is great too

Just has his... quirks

But I love him for them ❤️

Awww 🫶

Thank you again Jane!

L
Lily 💐

Tue, Mar 13 at 11:21 AM

fuck

did you remember to do the favorite things basket?

i forgot

we used up all the condoms so can’t even send old option ((

Yeah you need to buy more before next week

But I got it

really?

It was kinda fun

Figuring out what to include

yes you know my favorite things more than most 😏

NOT sex related

ah that must have been very hard

...

like you

There we go

thank you for doing this моя «Звуки музыки»

Sound of Music?

favorite things, no?

Is that a reference?

how are you canadian and gay and not know sound of music
julie andrews
christopher plummer
escaping nazis

Shut up

I’ve only been gay for like a year

😂

Rrrrrrraiders (players only)

Fri, Mar 16 at 3:02 PM

Marleau

ROZ

St-Simon

Roz you’ve been holding out on us!

Connors

The fuck are you guys talking about?

Sebbin

Dude did you see the foundation auction?

Roz’s basket is from him and Jane

Connors

Holy shit!

Carmichael

Roz!

Marleau

Roz you motherfucker you have read receipts on we know you’re seeing this

Feller

Did anybody else know that Jane got WAG status?

Johansson

Wait who is Jane?

Marleau

Jane is the girl who caused Roz’s crashout in 2016

Dubek

Oh shit that’s Jane??

Johansson

Wait if she caused that when they weren’t even together...

Marleau

Praying to the hockey gods everywhere that they never break up

Again

Hammersmith

Natalie got her number from Roz to help with the baskets

Connors

Thank fuck

Roz your baskets are ROUGH

what is wrong with my baskets?

St-Simon

The man speaks!

Connors

FanDuel put out odds on how many bottles of vodka you’d include this year

The line was set at 3.5

is low?

Connors

Yeah idk I would have smashed the over

If we were allowed to bet

Dubek

🚨 the boston raiders group chat does not condone betting on anything mlh related 🚨

🚨 dops please don’t fine us 🚨

Sebbin

You idiot

DOPS is only for on-ice shit

Feller

You’re all idiots

but yes i have jane this year to help

melissa from the foundation did not like my original basket (((

Hammersmith

No shit Roz condoms and cigarettes won’t raise money for the kids

St-Simon

Jesus Christ Rozanov

my favorite things though, yes?

plus i did not go back to russia in the offseason

did not have as many bottles of vodka to include

but melissa did not like (((

so my jane helped

Dubek

big step dude

i know

jane is my everything 😊

Feller

When are you going to introduce us?

Sebbin

We gotta know the girl who tamed the beast

Marleau

Janes gotta be a smokeshow

Dubek

absolute dime fersure

jane is very pretty

and very sexy 😈

but also shy

i am keeping jane to myself

Hammersmith

WHIPPED

what did jane put in my basket?

Marleau

Holy fuck man did you not check what Jane sent the girls

Hammersmith

Risky as hell dude

Connors

I still check what Christy sends

Dubek

that’s because you want her to include that weak ass tape you’ve been trying to get rid of for the past three years

Just throw it away

St-Simon

If Christy let you include the tape the Raiders would have their first negative auction

We’d have to pay them to take it

Connors

Fuck all of you

St-Simon

Where is the lie though

Connors

Yeah... that tape high key blows

unlike you all i trust my jane

she is very boring

Sebbin

Dude

so boring when she chokes on my dick 😈

Dubek

duuuuude

Hammersmith

It took until March for Roz to talk about a girl giving him head

This must be love

jane is my everything 🥰

Marleau

Like Hammers said

WHIPPED

Hammersmith

But Roz you gotta explain a few things

The dog calendar

The bird puzzle

The hot wheels

And how tf did you get chel signed by Hollander??

oh

L
Lily 💐

Fri, Mar 16 at 4:07 PM

emergency

shane

please answer

i am dead

What’s wrong???

моя любовь

you have killed me

Oh

I thought there was an actual emergency

there is

you love me

Yeah?

you know my favorite things

💗

It’s out?

loon puzzle like the cottage

hot wheels of my cars

hundreds of dogs

your freckles on cover of second best mlh game

you have killed me shane hollander

killed me dead

is all my favorite things

Oh good

I’m glad you liked it

I was nervous

liked it?

it is my favorite

i already made a bid

Ilya!

You were the one who donated it!

You shouldn’t be bidding on it!

nobody else deserves it

nobody would appreciate it like they should except me

I can order everything again if you want

yes

also clear your schedule

for rest of the week

I literally have a game in four hours

sorry metros

you will have to miss

i owe you 365 orgasms

one for each dog in calendar

Fuck

I have an hour

Call me

Rrrrrrraiders (players only)

Fri, Mar 16 at 4:15 PM

Marleau

Roz?

Sebbin

Don’t ghost us

Fri, Mar 16 at 5:32 PM

😎😮‍💨

Marleau

Where the hell have you been

📲✊🍆💦🫦😻

St-Vincent

You have a way with words sometimes

Like a BOSs

Thu, Apr 22 at 5:16 PM

Hannah (Carmichael)

wait

hold on

roz's last season here

we helped that jane girl with his charity basket

WAS THAT SHANE HOLLANDER

End Notes

Tweet code can be found here
Text message code can be found here
Notes, Google, and the Boston Raiders website can be attributed to my experience creating MySpace profiles for my friends (among other projects over the years)

Images pulled from Google Image Search, Pinterest, and/or created in Photoshop. I hope you enjoy the little design touches because including those was the entire reason I didn't just scrap this entire thing.

Inspiration for Ilya's basket comes from this, this, and this. Yes, the charity baskets are a 100% real thing in the NHL that the team foundations use to raise money. And yes, the wives and girlfriends are the ones who do most of it (teams straight up have annual welcome luncheons that the foundations host for the WAGs in anticipation of working together all year).

Ask me all your hockey questions on twitter at @frensanemones