Rating:

Teen And Up Audiences

Archive Warning:

No Archive Warnings Apply

Categories:

Gen, M/M

Fandoms:

Heated Rivalry (TV), Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid

Relationship:

Shane Hollander/Ilya Rozanov

Characters:

Boston Bears | Boston Raiders Team Ensemble (Game Changers), Cliff Marlow | Cliff Marleau, Victor St. Simon, Ryan Carmichael, Connors (Heated Rivalry), Sebbin (Heated Rivalry), Brad Hammersmith

Additional Tags:

Ilya Rozanov's Montreal Jane, Secret Relationship, Secret Identity, Dumb Hockey Boys, but their love is pure

Language:

English

Series:

Part 1 of The Best Boston Bears Bros

Stats:

Published: 2026-08-04 Words: 1,137 Chapters: 1/1

Your girlfriend/who lives in Canada/Is her name Alberta? (a prequel to O Lady Jane)

Summary

Hammer: i bet shes way out of his league
Hammer: bro i cant wait to meet her

St. Vicky: ngl id like to see whos keeping roz on a leash

CC: same bro

Before the events of O Lady Jane, the Best Boston Bros find out that Roz has been hooking up with the same girl in Canada.

Set pre-Tuna Meltdown during the situationship years. Sebbin is Roz’s rookie and suffers for everyone.

Notes

Title from Avenue Q. Rod, a puppet character on Avenue Q and deeply closeted, sings this song about his fictional girlfriend who lives in Canada (whose name is Alberta). Rod and Shane are similar in many ways, both in personality (fastidious, regimented) and sexuality (gay and closeted). And it’s just a funny song that shaped a certain period of my life. Go have a listen if you’ve not heard it (and make sure you listen till the end). My Girlfriend Who Lives in Canada

Best Boston Bros (and their better halves)
Brad Hammersmith - Hammer/smithy
Cliff Marlow - Marly (Soph)
Ryan Carmichael - Carmy (Vanessa)
Victor St-Simon - St. Vicky
Connor Connors - CC/conny (Andi)
Tanner Sebbin - Sebby/sebs

Best Boston Bros No Cap

 

CC: so…
CC: im not going crazy right

Carmy: youre always a bit cray
Carmy: better get your head checked

CC: 🖕
CC: i mean what do yall think
CC: gf or no gf

Hammer: nah
Hammer: we went out together in san fran
Hammer: chatted up a couple of girls
Hammer: he def went back with one of them
Hammer: or maybe both
Hammer: i asked if he wanted to do a 4-way but he said no

St. Vicky: wtf hammer TMI
St. Vicky: we really didnt need to know what kinda freak you get up to
St. Vicky: and san fran was months ago bro

Carmy: not freak shaming you do you bro
Carmy: vanessa would kill me
Carmy: but i also dont wanna know

Hammer: ur loss bro
Hammer: or rozs loss i guess
Hammer: it could have been fun
Hammer: coulda been a nice trip to paris

St. Vicky: nope
St. Vikcy: no one wants to go to paris with you

Hammer: like i said ur loss

CC: stfu hammer
CC: so roz
CC: he never hooks up in montreal
CC: not in a long time
CC: now he always disappears right after the game sometimes before if we get in early
CC: and hes been hooking up less in boston

Carmy: he does seem to be glued to his phone more
Carmy: i think hes texting the same person

CC: remember he never used to sleep with the same person twice
CC: let alone give one of his hook up have his phone number

St. Vicky: thats… all possibly true
St. Vicky: ok maybe youre onto something

Carmy: whos he texting

St. Vicky: some girl whos willing to put up with him

CC: our caps a catch
CC: good looking and rolling in cash

Carmy: and emotionally not available
Carmy: lets be real the wags have stopped introducing their friends after the first couple of years
Carmy: roz is not the settling down kind

CC: and yet

Marly: hey fuckers
Marly: are we speculating about rozs sex life again because yall pathetic

St. Vicky: i have to say im invested
St. Vicky: you know
St. Vicky: as a concerned friend

Marly: whatever makes you sleep better at night vicks

St. Vicky: good of you to ask
St. Vicky: i do sleep better when roz is not taking all the hot ladies

Marly: get real vicky
Marly: chicks dont want you with or without roz there

St. Vicky: fuck you marly

Carmy: wtv all weve got is that hes been texting some chick
Carmy so what

CC: and hes hooking up less in boston and maybe other places too

Hammer: dont know if thats true

CC: also shes probably from montreal
CC: maybe ottawa cuz roz disappeared there a few times too

Hammer: whats in ottawa

CC: how should i know
CC: ask the canadians

St. Vicky: nobody knows

Carmy: 🤣

Marly: no shit weve all seen him texting
Marly: he tries to hide it from us but its pretty obvious
Marly: yo rookie i know youre lurking

Sebby: Yes?

Marly: have you noticed anything about rozs partying less

Sebby: No?
Sebby: But I guess he’s not picking up as much? Maybe?

CC: i still think hes got a girlfriend in montreal or ottawa
CC: pretty sure hes been texting this girl for years

Marly: i think hes been texting this girl since rookie year

Carmy: and you think its getting more serious now

CC: could be
CC: thats why im asking you lot

Hammer: you think if roz wants a girl and he cant lock it down for years
Hammer: years and years according to you

Sebby: Is her name Alberta by any chance?

CC: wat

Hammer: wat no way
Hammer: roz hates both of the teams there and they hate him
Hammer: hed never get a girl from alberta

Carmy: montreal hates him and we are saying she could be from there

Hammer: nah french girls are freaks thatd be hot

Marly: for fucks sake Hammer

Sebby: You know what? Nevermind. Pretend I never said anything.
Sebby: Got it, her name’s definitely not Alberta.

Carmy: no shit

Marly: alrite i really shouldnt be saying anything
Marly: but i think her name could be jane
Marly: ive seen the name pop up a few times on his phone
Marly: but roz is too good at hiding the actual texts so ive not seen any of their convos

St. Vicky: jane…

Carmy: jane… doesnt seem real

CC: really?!?
CC: thats a fakeass name

Hammer: dont be assholes bro
Hammer: discriment some chicks name
Hammer: not like she chose it
Hammer: plain name but i bet shes a freak in the sheets

Sebby: Do you mean discriminate?

Marly: yo hammer cut it out
Marly: no talking about caps girl like that

Hammer: sorry bro u know i dont mean it like that
Hammer: if roz likes her she gotta be nice
Hammer: in all the ways
Hammer: u no what im saying?

Marly: just stop talking hammer

Hammer: i respect cap but fck u marly

Marly: right back at you hammer

St. Vicky: hammers right now
St. Vicky: she gotta be special for roz to keep her for this long

Marly: maybe… i dont know bro
Marly: a while back i sorta brought up him hooking up with the same chick and texting her
Marly: and all roz said was to mind my own business and that shes boring
Marly: but obviously hes going back for more

CC: bro that explains zero

Carmy: nah that explains it
Carmy: roz cant lock that shit down

St. Vicky: ah fuck not a good look for roz

Hammer: what a legend
Hammer: i bet shes way out of his league
Hammer: bro i cant wait to meet her

St. Vicky: ngl id like to see whos keeping roz on a leash

CC: same bro

Marly: and laugh in rozs face for the rest of our lives
Marly: agree hes definitely picking up less

Carmy: totally whipped

CC: yo do you think we can figure out who she is

Hammer: probly

St. Vicky: i mean roz has a type

Marly: no he doesnt

St. Vicky: sexy ladies
St. Vicky: all bodies ages styles

Marly: ok thats not helpful

St. Vicky: just saying we can probably do it

Marly: maybe a select few
Marly: but i do know yall too stupid

Carmy: it cant be that hard

Hammer: i bet we’ll know once we see her

Marly: true
Marly: like itll take a special lady to tame roz

CC: bet

Marly: obv this all stays here

St. Vicky: without saying

Carmy: have some faith in us bro

Marly: i regret everything

Sebby: Please leave me out of this.
Sebby: I don’t want Cap to kill me.