Rating:

Teen And Up Audiences

Archive Warning:

No Archive Warnings Apply

Categories:

F/M, M/M, Other

Fandoms:

Heated Rivalry (TV), Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid

Relationships:

Shane Hollander/Ilya Rozanov, Yuna Hollander & Ilya Rozanov

Characters:

Yuna Hollander, Ilya Rozanov, Shane Hollander, David Hollander

Additional Tags:

Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Hurt/Comfort, Angst, Happy Ending, Canon Compliant, Character Study, Social Media, Author knows hockey but chooses to ignore certain realities to suit the narrative, Texting Fic, Slow Burn, Secret Relationship, on all fronts, Secret Identity, Coming Out, Relationship Reveal, Shane Hollander/Ilya Rozanov Relationship Timeline Reveal

Language:

English

Series:

Part 4 of Ilya&Yuna

Stats:

Published: 2026-04-15 Completed: 2026-06-10 Words: 20,638 Chapters: 5/5

A Mother Always Knows

Summary

Of course Yuna has a burner account, not just one, many in fact. She uses them for her job as Shane’s manager, to keep tabs on hockey news, the league, rumor mills, and on occasion, Rozanov.

———

How Yuna comes to care for Ilya through twitter before ever meeting him. AKA Ilya clinches the title ‘favourite son’ arguably before Shane’s parents find out about their relationship.

Spans the entire timeline of Heated Rivalry.

Chapter 1: 2008-2011

Chapter Notes

I only have a vague outline of the rest of the fic and updates will not be regular. There’ll probably be 4-5 chapters with an epilogue, but I’m leaving the chapter count blank in case some of them need to be split.

I’m a Rozanov stan who believes he deserves all the love. Tweets adhere to the strict 140 character limit of the early years. If you think Yuna's handle is cringe, just remember this was the dawn of social media and everything was cringe.

Your ideas, emojis, kudos, and comments all make me happy. 💕

Here’s the thing…

Actually, there are many things, first of them being that Yuna has a burner Twitter account. Of course Yuna has a burner account, not just one, many in fact. She uses them for her job as Shane’s manager, to keep tabs on hockey news, the league, rumor mills, and on occasion, Rozanov. Ever since Shane’s career skyrocketed after his rookie year, her assistant is the one who most often uses those accounts to gather intel without accidentally liking something they are not supposed to on main.

But there’s another one that she keeps private that no one knows about, not even David. She initially got it the year before Shane was drafted, when it was still niche and not many mainstream outlets adopted it, before it truly took off and became one of the most important platforms where people interacted. The main reason she got it is to have a place to yell about her honest (read: unhinged) hockey opinions, which are definitely inappropriate coming from the mom and manager of hockey’s biggest rising star.

Y.S.☑️ @HockeyMama • 1hr
I asked Santa for skills guys for Montréal. Santa said no. We can’t have nice things because the dumbasses in the front office are naughty.

Y.S.☑️ @HockeyMama • 5min
Hey Coach Theriault, new idea: Have you tried calling 911 to ask for help finding a new goalie?

The second thing is – complicated, like all the things involving Rozanov are. She doesn’t know much about him at first, other than that he’s a strong, perhaps the strongest, prospect coming out of Russian that’s got all the scouts talking. She reviews his tapes along with Shane and watches Canada play against Russia (and lose) in the World Juniors Championship final in 2008. Rozanov is less of a defensive forward compared to Shane (and thus less well-rounded, in her opinion), but has more power and aggression (and the skills to back it up) than any other player in his generation. Even Shane, not that she will admit this out loud. He will go far, she thinks, after seeing him play in person for the first time.

Shane tries talking to him but apparently he is a jerk about it, which, honestly, tracks with stupid young, non-media trained dumb hockey boy behaviour. That is precisely why Yuna started Shane’s PR-training young. It's a vicious world out there, but deep down, Yuna loves a mean, unfiltered chirp. Although, he should quit smoking. Doesn’t he know that stuff will kill him? She wonders what his parents think about it.

Then at the 2009 draft, he is first overall, to the Boston Raiders. She is disappointed but not surprised, another thing she will never admit out loud. She doesn’t believe Rozanov is better than Shane, but Boston has always been a very physical team, and given the choice between an equally good aggressive centre versus a strategic one, Rozanov is the right choice for them. She’s competitive but not blind or unrealistic. Plus, she suspects the entire hockey world has underestimated Rozanov’s intelligence. They won’t know what hit them and it will be interesting to watch.

Yuna’s ecstatic to have Shane so close to home in Montreal. He’s worked harder than most his entire life and she and David are so proud of him. They hug before and after Shane receives his new Voyageurs jersey and all cry a little bit.

Out of the corner of her eye, she sees Rozanov standing with a man who must be his father. Rozanov senior doesn’t seem all too happy with his son, on what must be the most significant day in his life up to this point. What on earth can he possibly be upset about? She watches Rozanov’s father set a firm hand on his shoulder and says something that results in a frown on Rozanov’s face. It looks for a minute that Rozanov is going to say something back but he doesn’t, instead schools his boyish features into a neutral expression. He then turns and speaks with the coaches and GM from Boston, making them all laugh. Yuna feels something behind her chest that she can’t name. Shane needs to watch out for this boy. She files it away.

Y.S.☑️ @HockeyMama • 32min
Baardsson should go back to Mites to learn how to skate. I almost feel bad for his liney who has to spoonfeed him the puck. Wait, I don’t.

 

Y.S.☑️ @HockeyMama • 17min
Instead of working on bringing a team back to Québec City, sure, let’s expand to Yeehaw, Florida.

    ⮑Y.S.☑️ @HockeyMama • 13min
        Hot take: if water doesn’t freeze in your state naturally, you don’t get to have a hockey team.

 

Y.S.☑️ @HockeyMama • 2min
Seriously do I have to do all the work around here? Yes I do. Yes I do.

The next time she sees Rozanov in person is at the CCM shoot just before the start of their rookie season in 2010. It’s Shane’s biggest sponsorship to date and he understandably overthinks once the contract is signed just like Yuna does all the time, chronically, although she no longer shows it, from many more years of practicing ‘fake it until you make it’. She’s glad it’s a joint campaign with Rozanov; the rivalry angle will be a great marketing success. Maybe his parents got him a good agent. It’s still strange that no one comes with Rozanov, not even his parents. He’s still just a kid (the same age as her own baby) and someone should be there to watch out for him.

Shane starts out stiff but relaxes as they do more poses. Rozanov riles him up, not maliciously, but almost like a school boy pulling the pigtails of girls he likes on the playground. Yuna finds it harmless and just watches from the sidelines. They start roughhousing, which makes the shoot take longer but produces the best pictures in Yuna’s opinion. She takes a few shots with her own small camera.

Later that evening, while she’s waiting for the elevator to take her down to the hotel bar to meet up with David, the elevator door opens to Rozanov standing in it alone. He looks even younger than he did earlier in the day, without the padding and skates, the professional makeup, and harsh fluorescent lighting. Despite realizing the elevator is going in the opposite direction almost immediately, she has an intense urge to step in and introduce herself but the door closes before she can. She regrets not acting faster.

Boston Raiders☑️ @BostonRaiders • Oct 10
The wait is over! We are thrilled to welcome #1 overall pick @Rozanov81 joining the roster for 2010-2011. It’s the start of a new era in Boston.
#MLHBostonRaiders #BlackAndGold #IlyaRozanov

Yuna follows Rozanov’s rookie year almost as closely as she does Shane’s. He’s out there boasting about scoring 40 goals this season within the first few games, then moves the goal post to 50 goals. He and Shane trade goals scored back and forth, but Shane consistently has more assists. She tells everyone that this clearly demonstrates Shane is the better two-way forward of the two, a true playmaker, and selectively omits that the Voyageurs is simply a more cohesive team with a stronger top-six plus dynamic defense pairs.

Boston Raiders☑️ @BostonRaiders • Oct 10
The wait is over! We are thrilled to welcome #1 overall pick @Rozanov81 joining the roster for 2010-2011. It’s the start of a new era in Boston.
#MLHBostonRaiders #BlackAndGold

    ⮑Y.S.☑️ @HockeyMama • Oct 10
        Can't wait to see Rozanov play in the MLH this year! He’ll be a force to be reckoned with!

 

Y.S.☑️ @HockeyMama • 7min
What a beautiful game tonight! Debut game and first hat trick! 4 goals total! Love this energy!
#BostonRaiders #BlackandGold #RozTheBoz

She watches Rozanov’s games and interviews with and without Shane. Like Shane, Rozanov is rapidly emerging as an MLH superstar with top-level competitiveness. He’s fast, he’s strong, he’s got a killer slapshot, and he’s well loved (or hated, depending on which side of the net you fall onto) by players and fans. She’s not sure why she also searches for any mentions of family and friends at his games but finds none. Even Rozanov senior from the draft doesn’t make an appearance. Rozanov seems to be a mystery born out of the cold, unforgiving Siberian tundra. Yuna thinks this sometimes and then she sees a glimpse of the boyish vulnerability slip through his boisterous exterior at interviews where, for a brief second, he looks lost and scared. She wonders where his mom is.

When the time comes for the All-Star Weekend, no one is surprised that both Shane and Rozanov are voted to attend. They seem to have fun during the skills competitions and playing on opposing teams as usual, despite none of the goals or wins actually counting toward anything. Hunter, by Shane’s account, is a good captain in real life, especially to the younger players, taking them under his wing in and outside of the rink. All the players like him and it feels like a team despite them only playing together for two days. If only Hunter had that kind of consistency during his regular season.

Rozanov talks about his goal-scoring ability again to the press and ropes Shane into it this time, although the way he builds up the whole thing suggests he’s in on his own joke. None of it matters when Shane helps Rozanov with an unnecessarily long-winded question that is basically ninety percent fluff. She is immensely proud of Shane for putting aside the rivalry narrative and helping someone in need.

The season continues to grind after All-Stars, with all the young rookies, Shane and Rozanov included, looking worse for wear because they have yet to get accustomed to the pace and demand of playing a full 82-game year at the highest level of hockey. Somehow, not by miracle but by relentless dedication and perseverance, Shane and Rozanov are both moving closer and closer to the lofty goal that was set at the beginning of the season. Yuna feels immense pride for her boy and, perhaps, for another boy who is not hers, which is not something she’s ready to unpack.

Y.S.☑️ @HockeyMama • 1d
You can’t win every game but in order to win you have to fucking hate to lose. Don’t wait for a 19 yo to teach you that.

Just as for All-Stars, Shane and Rozanov are predictably nominated for rookie of the year, along with some poor kid from the SF Hammerheads who is, arguably, a very good defenseman but is basically third-wheeling this thing.

At the MLH awards gala, Yuna tries to take on all of the drinking and schmoozing while Shane quietly lives through one of his worst nightmares, the one where there are too many lights and too many people and they all want to talk to and make physical contact (aka shake his hand). She scans the crowd for Rozanov and tells herself it’s to scout out the competition.

When they announce Shane as the winner of the 2011 Calder, Yuna cries and hugs Shane and David before Shane gets up on stage to deliver the speech she helped him prepare. She looks over to Rozanov, who is sitting with a couple of Raiders players and the Boston front office. Rozanov senior appears to be absent again and he doesn’t seem to have come with anyone else.

At some point during the gala, Yuna steps out onto the balcony just to have a breath of fresh air while David keeps Shane and the people who keep on coming up to them entertained with stories of the great Canadian wilderness; or sometimes keeps them away by pontificating on the virtues of CPP actuarial models. She’s standing behind a large potted plant that perfectly camouflages her dark green gown when the door opens again and someone steps out. They sound like they are on the phone, voice low and restrained, only answering with single syllables or grunts.

And, look, Yuna is not technically hiding from Rozanov specifically, although she is in a more discreet spot because she came out to be left alone for a bit. It’s too awkward to announce her presence now. She peeks over the foliage and sees Rozanov with a drawn expression. The conversation he is having sounds Russian and the only word she catches is ‘papa’ right before he hangs up. He doesn’t move and neither does she.

Yuna watches Rozanov stay in the same spot for several minutes, his head bowed down so she can’t see his face. He takes out his phone and then puts it back in his pocket again and lifts his hand to rub his eyes before stepping back into the gala hall. She releases a breath she doesn’t even know she’s been holding once he’s done and decides she can use ten more minutes out here by herself.

Later that night as she lies next to a sleeping David, mind racing, she thinks about Shane, the crazy season he’s just finished and the next one ahead. The Voyageurs is coming together as a team and they’ll make the playoffs next year if the current trajectory holds. The future has great potential. She believes in Shane because he’s got what it takes. But at the back of her mind, she’s scared, scared because hockey is fast and unforgiving, scared because Shane is still her baby and weighed 6 pounds and 5 ounces when he came out. He has almost 100 pounds and a foot on her now and she still wants to protect him. She will protect him.

Also at the very back corner of her mind, she thinks about the other boy who she knows almost nothing about off the ice except that he’s from Moscow. Is someone protecting him?

Y.S. @HockeyMama
I'm sure you get this a lot, but just want to say what a wonderful rookie season you've had. You have so much raw talent and you are getting better every day with more experience. I can't wait to see you take the team to the playoffs next season. I'm rooting for you!

Yuna contemplates adding a heart emoji at the end like she does for Shane but decides against it.

Roz @Rosanov81
Thank you.

Y.S. @HockeyMama
👍

The DM response comes as a surprise weeks after the MLH awards night when Yuna isn’t expecting to receive anything back at all. Rozanov is presumably staying in Russia for the summer. She doesn’t want to give the impression this is some sort of creepy parasocial interaction with a deranged fan like she worries about for Shane, so she replies with a simple thumbs up. Maybe Rozanov looked at her handle and thinks it’s safe to talk to a mom who likes hockey. Or maybe he just thinks she’s a loyal fan. Nonetheless, he should never believe who people say they are online. After a few moments thought, before she can talk herself out of it although it’s the exact same thing she tells Shane, she amends:

Y.S. @HockeyMama
Don’t talk to strangers online. Don’t give anyone any personal information. Like it or not, you are a celebrity now.
Y.S. @HockeyMama
I have a kid around your age and I tell them the same thing.

Roz @Rosanov81
👍

Yuna is both relieved and bemused when she sees Rozanov’s short reply. Somehow very similar yet completely the opposite of what she feels when Shane insists on doing his own laundry in a very particular way that takes way too long.

She hopes Rozanov’s mom gave him a tight hug when he arrived home.

Chapter End Notes

Hockey notes:
Two-way forward: a versatile forward player who excels equally at defensive responsibilities and offensive production, with strong backchecking and high hockey IQ
Backchecking: a forward player skates back toward their own defensive zone to disrupt the other team’s attack e.g. following a turnover
Playmaker: a player with high hockey IQ, can read moves a few steps ahead and identify open teammates (to pass to) and defense weaknesses (e.g., Sidney Crosby)
Top six: the first 2 lines of offensive players (centre + 2 wings each); their main job is to keep possession of the puck and get it in deep 😉
Defense pair: the 2 defensemen who are usually paired together who have good on-ice chemistry for defensive +/- offensive play (e.g., Cale Makar and Devon Toews)
The Calder: the Calder Memorial Trophy, aka rookie of the year, awarded to the most proficient first year player
SF Hammerheads: the fictional SF Bay Area team (the RL team is the San Jose Sharks)
Front office: the management and administrative branches of a hockey franchise. Includes the senior execs (like the general manager, GM) and operations teams; fans generally hate the front office 😂
Hat trick debut game: this actually happened in 2016 during Austen Matthews debut game where the Leafs played the Sens (Matthews scored 4 goals and the Leafs still lost)

Other notes:
CPP: Canada pension plan; I don’t know anything about it, but I’m told mathy people feel passionate about building models

Chapter 2: 2011-2014

Chapter Summary

Yuna follows Rozanov's career over three hockey seasons, one winter Olympics, and one Stanley Cup win. (And Shane doesn't know his mom is arguably having more meaningful interactions with Ilya than he is.)

Chapter Notes

As one of the commenters correctly pointed out – yes, at least for me, before Ilya there was Shoresy. Let me know in the comments if you spot any Shoresy references 😉

Your ideas, emojis, kudos, and comments all make me squee. 💕

Edited 03/03 – Remedied my mistake of skipping over an entire year somehow. 😅 Oops.
I can’t thank y’all enough for the overwhelming response! And while I can’t get to all of the comments, know that I read and cherish every single one of them.

Shane’s second year in the league flies by in the blink of an eye, and before she realizes, he is joining David and her at their family cottage for the off season. She cherishes every single minute of it because she knows their summer ritual is about to get cut short in the next year or two when Montréal will inevitably be in the playoffs again. On the upside, Boston also doesn’t make the playoffs and concludes the 2011-2012 season with a lower conference standing than Montréal. Rozanov disappears to Russia again for the summer.

A plot of undeveloped land with direct lake access comes up for sale near their house and Shane jumps on the opportunity. They spend the whole summer, when Shane is not training, pouring over design concepts, studying the fine prints of building codes, and on the phone with their local Service de l'urbanisme. The whole process will likely take two years but Shane is excited about the prospect of getting something exactly the way he wants it. It makes Yuna happy to see Shane so invested in something outside of hockey.

The 2012-2013 season starts off with a bang, or at least a thud. Shane, in great shape after his new performance regimen in the summer and training camp with the team, gets 1 goal and 2 assists at the home opener. Rozanov, on the other hand, manages a Gordie Howe in his first game of the regular season. Yuna had known this kid was trouble, but is just now realising he has the potential to take years off her life if he keeps doing what he’s doing. She’s got to keep a close eye on him. At least he’s smart in fights (who taught him to fight like that!?!), rarely the instigator (at least physically, although she’s certain he baits opponents until they drop gloves), is careful to protect himself, and stops before things get too out of hand. Even Rozanov knows it’d be stupid to get an injury this early in the season.

Putting on muscle fast and maintaining that mass through the season is a known challenge for every player, but both Shane and Rozanov are visibly bigger, stronger, and faster compared to their rookie year. They have improved stamina and that means more time on ice, especially for high-stakes games, which translates to more goals and assists. Yuna and David try to catch as many of Shane’s home games in person as possible and never miss any on TV when they can’t be at the arena. Fans and sports pundits alike are already manifesting a 100-plus-point season and playoff contention. That would be a first for both the Voyageurs and the Raiders in close to a decade. Too bad Shane’s hometown team is still working on their perpetual rebuild.

Y.S.☑️ @HockeyMama • 2hr
Ottawa we don’t have another five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes for your shit so shape up.

Despite understanding this is all part of the game, Yuna is half impressed and half horrified by what these boys put their bodies through for this job. The endless conditioning, stretching, physio, and macro balancing that is basically just protein, protein, and more protein (with carbs). It was all fun and games when Yuna cheered for her hometown team growing up but now the rose tinted filter has been removed and she sees the grinder her own son is put through. She tries to not pay much attention to Rozanov – it’s decidedly none of her business – but she almost DMs him again when she sees a tabloid picture of him smoking outside of a club (in Minnesota, of all places). She’s glad she’s not his mother and her own son is not actively trying to give her an aneurysm, at least not that she knows of. (Luckily for Yuna, Shane is a terrible liar.)

At any rate, Shane is getting on with his team, which often comes harder for him than the hockey itself, and cements his friendship with Hayden (from the same draft year as Shane) and JJ (from the year ahead), who are happy to just quietly hang out with Shane sometimes. Rozanov seems to be doing alright for himself in Boston if the articles in People Magazine are to be believed. He is charismatic and fun to watch on and off the ice, loved by all Boston fans and hated by everyone else.

Shane is quickly becoming Canada’s darling prince of hockey, much to Yuna’s delight (because Shane deserves it for his dedication and achievement) and horror (because of the unhinged, and sometimes downright filthy, things people on the internet say about her son that she regrets ever reading). Yuna shields him from the worst of it because she’s his mother, and she wants to keep his love for hockey pure and simple. Fortunately, Shane’s never had much interest in fame and is more likely to choose death by embarrassment than google himself.

It’s all worth it for hockey ultimately. But regardless how much she and Shane love hockey (and how much hockey loves them back), she knows it’s only temporary. Sometimes it’s hard to reconcile that love with a sport that’s so brutal and unforgiving, to remember the talents that have come before whose dreams were cut short from injuries or plain bad luck. Yuna works hard at preparing Shane for a life after hockey, at least financially, because she’s also his manager. Reebok is his first big brand endorsement and she stocks his athleisure wardrobe from the brand and reminds him to wear their shoes when he goes out. She does all the work in the background so Shane can focus on hockey, and she doesn’t bring up the emails she’s been exchanging with Lululemon’s marketing VP. What she really wants to do is to (maybe not so) politely tell them to go fuck themselves – Shane won’t be supporting a brand that based its name on an entire culture’s struggle to pronounce it and still refuses to apologize to this day. Thank you, but no thank you, no matter how proudly Canadian both she and Shane are. Besides, it hardly matters when Rolex is looking promising for next year; they are just waiting for Shane to secure his generational player status.

Yuna spots Rozanov in random ads for sports drinks or decidedly mediocre (according to David) vodka and has to resist the urge to call up his agent to give them a piece of her mind. He’s diluting his image when he can market it for a much higher price, at least that’s how she feels looking at it through her manager lens. She thinks Adidas would suit him much better since he’s got the whole Eastern European bad boy vibe that has most of the girls and at least half the guys salivating.

Midway through the season, Yuna finds out from a garbage gossip rag that Rozanov has a brother named Andrei, who apparently, in addition to having the personality of a vermin that just crawled out of the sewage system, also has some real strong opinions about where the better hockey is. She wants to show him badly where exactly he can fucking stick his bullshit opinions. Even Rozanov has refused to address this specific interview directly. Somewhere in the back of her mind Yuna still checks for Rozanov’s parents at games or at the Raiders’ dads and moms trips. It’s odd that there’s never anyone, especially for such a prominent player. The marketing team usually loves the free press and fan engagement stats that family (and WAG) content generates. She’s already been to Shane’s Voyageur events twice in as many years; while not strictly mandatory, it was strongly suggested to Shane to get his parents engaged. It’s no hardship for Yuna since she loves being in the offensive zone to score on the Voyageurs management team. Maybe Rozanov’s family have good reasons to not be crossing continents and oceans. Or they just hate hockey. She continues to watch his games and pressers and monitor his online presence. Her thoughts are laced with worry and she really doesn’t have the energy to unpack that because every single team is rallying for that final push, all of them vying for a spot in the playoffs.

In the end, just as she predicted, Montréal and Boston each clinch a playoff spot. They are seeded number 7 and 8, respectively, but a spot is a spot, and both are unfortunately eliminated in the quarterfinals. The teams are not quite there yet, but it will be a much more interesting fight next year, and Yuna is almost bursting with excitement after watching both teams’ performance.

ESPN☑️ @espn • 9min
The best rivalry in hockey history resumes this Thursday night at TD Garden.
   ⮑ESPN @espn • 5min
    A passionate clash of MLH superstar players and powerhouse franchises that doesn't need one iota of marketing to sell.
      ⮑⮑BradTheBad @bradhockeyguy • 3min
       Replying to @espn
       sounds kinda gay
         ⮑⮑⮑Ilyashair @raidersforever • 2min
          Replaying to @bradhockeyguy
          It takes one to know one, it takes one to know one Brad
   ⮑Y.S.☑️ @HockeyMama • 6min
    Replaying to @espn
    Can’t wait to watch more legendary hockey played by two generational talents.

Montréal announces Shane’s captaincy before the start of the 2013-2014 season and Rolex makes him an ambassador. Both are well-deserved, and Yuna is the proudest a hockey parent can ever hope to be (short of winning the Cup or Olympic gold, of course) and quite happy with herself regarding the Rolex deal, although she has to remind Shane to put on the watch and switch his fitness tracker to the other arm. Being the captain of one of the Original Sixes comes with responsibilities and expectations. Yuna knows, as a mother, that Shane is decidedly much better at hockey than anything else that’s not hockey. She recalls a time when Shane, very briefly, before hockey became all consuming, considered becoming a mathematician or a scientist – in some alternate reality, there's a Shane that goes to campus parties, visits his parents on weekends, doesn’t travel for half the year, and his only worries are about exams and girls, and not about carrying the weight of a legacy franchise solely on his shoulders. Yuna doesn’t dwell on what-ifs, maybes, and could-have-beens. Instead, she helps coordinate the first team event Shane throws as captain and exchanges numbers with his teammates Hayden and JJ.

Rozanov also makes captain at the same time, and with fame comes the paparazzi, like flies attracted to, well, something unsavoury – and Yuna is not cruel enough to think of him that way. She doesn’t look for them on purpose, but it’s hard to avoid pictures of Rozanov splashed across media outlets, where he’s leaving clubs at all hours of the night, in every city with an MLH team, usually intimately intertwined with a woman, different each time. She wants to get him an entire new wardrobe (just like she wants to for Shane but for the complete opposite reason) because she accidentally reads some of the comments under those photos. There are other pictures too – celebrating a win with the team, getting into a taxi with friends, buying (very bad) coffee from Dunkin’s along with teammates – charming everyone with his easy laughs, and showing up as the life of the party or the sun everyone orbits around. Young, famous, and living the most spectacular life. Yuna wonders if it’s too much to take on as a 22 year-old, if he ever feels overwhelmed like Shane does but just hides it better. Separately, although she berates herself for it, she can’t help but hope he got decent sex ed somewhere, and just barely refrains from sending him a package containing condoms, lube, and pamphlets on STIs.

Look, someone needs to worry about these boys, and his parents don't seem to be in the picture for this one, well, it might as well be her.

After one of Rozanov’s home games, Yuna watches a post-game presser held in the Raiders’ locker room where all the players are downing what appears to be chocolate dipped drumsticks. Rozanov is in the middle of explaining “of course, everyone gets one, we do not leave anyone behind. But only one player gets game winning special stick, yes?” He shows a closeup of the cone he’s holding, which is topped with some sort of nuts, “And tonight is me,” and then winks at whoever is behind the camera. David looks up from the crossword he is working on when Yuna cackles at the tv. She can’t remember the last time Shane’s had ice cream during the season but maybe they should invest in a home ice cream maker so Shane can have some frozen yogurt with fruit and nuts.

Time flies when you're winning, and Shane has been winning a lot. Despite the almost one third of a season left in the year, the Voyageurs look like they are headed to the playoffs again this year, barring some catastrophic event. But before they can think about the post-season, there’s the Sochi Winter Olympics. As expected, Shane is tapped for the Team Canada’s captaincy with much hype and excitement, and Yuna decides to join him in person. David isn’t able to make it due to a work conflict. Unsurprisingly, Team Russia is captained by Rozanov.

Yuna attends as many figure skating events as possible while joining Shane and his Team Canada friends at all the hockey matches. They even meet up with Shane’s high school friend Joe, who is competing in figure skating men’s singles this year, and despite not expecting to medal at this Olympics, according to him, is in high spirits.

Team Canada takes an easy 6-0 win against Norway during the preliminary round at the same time Russia loses against Latvia. Yuna finds it hard to believe and itches to watch the replay immediately. Unfortunately, she’s prevented from doing so because the Canadian contingent she’s befriended over the last few days is moving to the next event – the women’s figure skating short program.

Over the next three hours, she has to consciously remind herself to stop tapping her feet impatiently against the concrete floor of the stands.

The group is walking back through the empty hockey arenas after the skating ends (a girl from Korea who happens to share her name is currently leading) when Yuna notices two figures in the far end of the upper level, posture tense, but too far to hear anything. It takes a second or two but she quickly identifies Rozanov, the taller of the two with a mop of golden hair, and the shorter man standing way too close and waving his arm dramatically looks to be Rozanov senior. She still can’t decipher what they are saying, or rather, what Rozanov senior is saying to Rozanov, who appears to remain more or less silent.

Yuna doesn’t realize she’s completely stopped until one of her new friends backtracks to get her. That evening, she watches the Russia vs Latvia game in the quietness of her hotel room alone after she pushes Shane to go out and (try to) bond with some of the Canada team members, however briefly. By the end of the first period, she can already imagine the headlines concocted by Reddit amateur sports pundits proclaiming Rozanov has “lost the locker room”. He scores the only goal from the Russian team while looking tenser than Yuna has ever seen, but that hardly matters when missed passes, costly turnovers and reckless fights implode the team from the inside. The camera pans occasionally to Rozanov senior, who wears a dour expression from start to finish, and no other family members are mentioned. Yuna is filled with sadness and rage that she can’t explain by the time Rozanov is doing post-game press, now mirroring the same expression his father wore during the game. She hopes his mom is simply unable to attend for important work reasons (like David). She wants to reach through the TV and give him a squeeze like she does when Shane has a bad game.

Shane remains in a gloomy mood the entire Olympics despite playing exceptionally and ultimately leading Canada to a gold metal. He brushes Yuna off when she tries to cheer him up. She feels she’s failed her baby and the other boy, who she can’t even talk to and who she hasn’t the first clue how to go about comforting, even if she could talk to him.

Thankfully, whatever happened in Sochi stayed in Sochi for Rozanov. He comes back from the Olympics like someone’s lit a fire under him, and plays with a renewed determination and maddening vigour. The Raiders rally behind him. They manage a 16-game winning streak and only lose 3 of the 25 games they play after the Olympics.

Y.S.☑️ @HockeyMama • 1hr
Dallas Kent getting his ass beat on Pride Night is the greatest thing ever to happen in hockey.
   ⮑BradTheBad @bradhockeyguy • 13min
    Replying to @HockeyMama
    your exactly why hockey doesn’t need this kinda distraction, shoulda just stick to hockey
      ⮑⮑Y.S.☑️ @HockeyMama • 10min
       Replying to @bradhockeyguy
       Oh yah? Not being homophobic is the single reason Toronto’s only made the playoffs once in the last 8 yrs?
              ⮑⮑⮑Y.S.☑️ @HockeyMama • 9min
              Replying to @bradhockeyguy
              I said what I said. Hockey is for everyone. You’re the kind of kid parents are ashamed of.

The Hollanders watch the rest of the playoffs together from their home in Ottawa after the Voyageurs get taken out in the quarterfinals. Shane sulks the entire time, completely understandable given his Stanley Cup dream will have to wait till next year, although if Yuna is honest, his terrible mood seemed to have started at  the Olympics. Of course she believes Shane is the best player in the league, but hockey is a team sport, and this year just isn’t their year. 

Boston stays unfalteringly strong and brutally competent throughout, which culminates in absolute dominance over San Fran in the finals, with only one loss, ending the matchup with Game 5. She can’t explain why she feels immensely proud of Rozanov’s win – perhaps he’s the only player, aside from Shane, she’s followed religiously since the Junior combines. Perhaps she’s watched the boy from across the ocean, the MLH first overall pick, grow into this confident young man who is leading a legacy team to the highest achievement possible in the league. And he’s done this seemingly without family there to support him (quite the opposite, apparently) and with a terrible agent. 

Yuna is careful to hide the tightening of her chest and the sting behind her eyes from Shane and David when Rozanov hoists the Cup above his head, yelling something in Russian with great exhilaration. The only word (she thinks) she understands is ‘mama’, which is pretty universal in all languages. She’s glad he’s thinking about his mom, even if she can’t be physically present. Come award season, she has no doubt he’ll get the Hart; if not, she’s ready to personally write to the commissioner and everyone who voted under a pseudonym.

Y.S.☑️ @HockeyMama • 7min
What a great way to end the season! Congratulations on bringing the cup back to Boston!
#BostonRaiders #BlackandGold #RozTheBoz

The most surprising thing is that Yuna gets an unexpected DM from Rozanov at 4 am the night of the Cup win that she doesn’t see until the morning after. He’s clearly drunk. She almost doesn’t respond because she isn’t even sure the message is meant for her.

Roz @Rozanov81
theyyy alwys sah my name rong

Y.S. @HockeyMama
???
They always say your name wrong?

She goes about her day as usual, still convinced that Rozanov likely just messaged the wrong person. When she checks her messages before bed that night, she’s surprised to find another message from Rozanov, who probably only just got up after some serious partying.

Roz @Rozanov81
sorry I was very drunk,
now only a little bit drunk

Y.S. @HockeyMama
I figured.
Don’t worry about it.
Remember to drink lots of fluids with electrolytes.
Maybe try giving your liver a rest.

Roz @Rozanov81
now i believe 100% you are a mom!

Y.S. @HockeyMama
Sorry for caring about your well-being.

Roz @Rozanov81
ty…

Y.S. @HockeyMama
That’s better.
You’re welcome.
What’s this about saying your name wrong?

Roz @Rozanov81
reporters and stupid americans
they all get name wrong

Y.S. @HockeyMama
Oh. How is it supposed to be pronounced?
Maybe I’ve been saying it wrong too.

Roz @Rozanov81
eel-YAH
two sounds only not threee!
i tell people this and they still get it wrong

Y.S. @HockeyMama
Now I know.
Sorry.

Roz @Rozanov81
is ok
now you know

Before she types out a reply, Yuna debates whether she should really say what she’s about to say. On one hand, her maiden name is not widely known and it’s not on Shane’s wikipedia page. On the other hand, she’s wary of disclosing any personal information to strangers on the internet, which Rozanov essentially is. How much does she really know him outside the curated persona presented to the media? She could make up a different name, but her heart screams wrong, wrong, wrong even thinking about it.

Y.S. @HockeyMama
If it makes you feel better, people never say my name correctly either.
It’s Saito, sah-ee-toh.
Three syllables and not two.

Roz @Rozanov81
thank you
now i know

Y.S. @HockeyMama
No problem, btw
Please, I cannot stress this enough, DO NOT DISCLOSE PERSONAL INFORMATION TO STRANGERS ON THE INTERNET!!! jfc
And good job on the Cup win kiddo! Proud of you!

Roz @Rozanov81
yes ty 👍

Yuna can’t help but smile to herself as she puts her phone down by the bedside table.

Chapter End Notes

Notes on hockey or hockey-adjacent terms:
Gordie Howe: legendary hockey player which the Gordie Howe hat trick is named after – 1 goal, 1 assist, and 1 fight in the same game.
MLH playoff format: this story follows the RL NHL format that switched from a 1-8 seed system based on conference standing to a divisional-based playoff format (16 teams, top 3 per division, plus 3 wild cards) in the 2013-2014 season, which further promotes divisional rivals to play against each other earlier in the playoffs.
The Original Six: Boston Bruins, Chicago Blackhawks, Detroit Red Wings, Montreal Canadiens, New York Rangers, and Toronto Maple Leafs – the original 6 teams in the NHL until 1967, which incidentally, was also the last time the Leafs won the Stanley Cup
The ESPN tweet: this is based off a real ESPN article from 2010 describing the rivalry between Crosby and Ovechkin.
The Hart Memorial Trophy: borrowed from the NHL (with no intention of returning), is an annual award for the most valuable player to his team in the league.
Other notes:
Lululemon naming controversy: Lululemon founder Chip Wilson intentionally named the company because he thought the three "L"s would be difficult for Japanese speakers to pronounce, finding it "funny".

Chapter 3: 2014-2016

Chapter Summary

Yuna inches closer to Ilya and finds out about Jane. No one is aware of the slow burn secret relationships that are happening on two fronts.

Chapter Notes

Yuna Hollander’s opinions are not the author’s opinions (mostly). She can be judgemental and highly critical because she birthed and raised Shane fucking Hollander. This shouldn’t be news to any of you. She also doesn’t realize that she is dangerously close to loving Ilya Rozanov like her own, and that trait, unfortunately, is hereditary.

For everyone waiting for Rozanov sr. to die -- he gets to live for another chapter; it's coming, surely but slowly, like his dementia.

~We are in the homestretch baby~ Everything will be wrapped up in the next chapter + an epilogue.

Shane comes back from the MLH awards more quiet and withdrawn than usual and spends most of the summer by himself at his newly completed cottage just down the lake from the cottage he grew up in, in what Yuna can only assume to be deep introspection. Presenting an award with Rozanov has knocked Shane off balance or, more likely, Rozanov getting the Cup first deeply unsettles Shane.

Yuna doesn’t ask and doesn’t interfere, not because she doesn’t want to but because her baby chick is learning to take off to the sky independently. (If David twists her arm a bit to get her to tone down her usual helicopter parenting, that’s neither here nor there.)

She makes sure they do something together at least twice a week and that Shane doesn’t starve on some ridiculous diet or over-train to the point of injury before the season even starts. Shane’s got his head screwed on right and is an over-planner like her, every minute detail categorized and managed. He’s never disappointed anyone, least of all David and her, but she’s his mother. So she does what mothers do best: worry.

Sometimes she wishes Shane would let his guard down and be less perfect. She wants him to know that she’ll love him regardless – cup or no cup, with or without hockey – but doesn’t know how to go about starting that conversation. So many years of playing the perfect prodigy son and tiger momager have put them in roles she suspects neither of them know how to break out of.

There’s not much news on Rozanov all summer after the awards gala, which, for all she knows, means Mother Russia has secreted one of her most precious sons away to the deep mountains of Siberia. Small online media picks up the occasional grumblings of Russian outlets saying Rozanov could have stayed in Russia to play in the KHL but instead chooses the extravagant sinful lifestyle of the Western world for money and fame. Since no one from Russia ever shows up to support him at games, Yuna, perhaps uncharitably, doesn’t think he owes Russia or their media anything or why someone as talented as him should choose the inferior option. She chastises herself immediately and says a silent sorry to his mother in her head.

Y.S.☑️ @HockeyMama • 17min
Do you really think bringing in a GM with a history of tanking another franchise is the solution to all of your problems Toronto?

⮑Keith @guardsforever • 13min
    Nothing they tried in the last 20 yrs has worked. This looks like a disaster, but I’d love to be proven wrong.

⮑Keith @guardsforever • 12min
    It can’t get worse than the last guy.

⮑⮑Y.S.☑️ @HockeyMama • 10min
        You know what? That’s totally fair.

The 2014-2015 season starts much like the previous seasons for the Voyageurs but with an underlying fire and determination that burns hotter with every practice. Shane grows into his role as captain, confident on the ice and handling the press and coaching staff like he’s been doing it professionally since age twelve. (And he has. Yuna doesn’t like to think about the implication of that, which arguably would constitute child labour in another profession.) He still doesn’t have many people that he connects with outside of the locker room but the ones he does have are fiercely loyal, if only slightly slow on the uptake, in the way that most hockey boys are when skates and sticks are not involved.

David and Yuna fly down to Tampa Bay to join Shane, who has an away game against the Thunders, for (the real) Thanksgiving. They celebrate the evening before at a steakhouse so that Shane is free to go out with the team the next day. The Voyageurs win 7-1, although Shane only stays out for an hour with the team after.

Boston is still on a roll after last season’s win and will give Montréal a serious run for their money come playoffs. Yuna catches as many Raiders games as possible and starts unconsciously humming to ‘All I Do Is Win’ whenever it’s blasted in TD Garden after a home goal. Apparently, Rozanov picked the song last season, which some pundits, and clearly the Boston front office believe had contributed to their Cup win.

Rozanov and other Raiders post pictures on their social media accounts of him spending the scheduled off-days like American Thanksgiving and Christmas with teammates and their families. Apparently, Cliff Marlow grew up on a farm north of Boston and Victor St. Simon has four sisters. They all go off to Puerto Rico after All-Stars and seem to have a grand ‘ol time. Nobody gets arrested or injured enough to miss games, which counts as a fucking win when all those involved are young, dumb, and lack executive function.

Yuna learns that Russians have a different Christmas. And if she joins thousands of others in wishing him a happy Orthodox Christmas on Twitter using the burner account, no one has to know. Just like no one has to know that Rozanov sends back a thank you and wishes her a Happy New Year in her DM.

Hockey media starts to pick up on Sergei Vetrov’s daughter, who the internet tells her runs a luxury car dealership, attending Raiders home games and some go on to speculate she’s there as Rozanov’s girlfriend. Yuna’s seen her photographed with Rozanov in the past and read that the two were childhood friends. Maybe they are just friends or maybe they are something more, whatever it is, she’s glad someone is finally showing up for Rozanov. It appears that she follows the games with as much zeal and fervor as Yuna, and it rubs her the wrong way to see many of the women associated with hockey, who are probably successful and interesting in their own right, reduced to solely a man’s daughter or WAG. Or mother. But no one dares to say something like that to her face without consequences.

Shane is still reluctant to share anything about his love life. He says he’s not seeing anyone but he’s smiling at his phone while texting and is suddenly unavailable before or after games. Yuna worries because it’s been so long since Jessica, his girlfriend from high school, and he never seems to be, well, all that interested in the girls around him. She’s been around hockey boys enough, and men in general, to know what “interested” looks like, and Shane’s never behaved that way. When she shares this with David, he gently squeezes her hand and tells her it’s going to be okay, although he does specifically bring up at their next family dinner with Shane that one of his colleague’s daughter is getting married to a woman and he and Yuna will be attending the wedding.

For her entire childhood and part of her adulthood, Yuna was intimately familiar with otherness – being Asian, female, and assertive – and a long list of other attributes that made her stand out. While no one can deny Shane’s brilliance, he’s also an Asian man, who may or may not like women, in a sport that is traditionally racist and homophobic. Her love for Shane is unconditional; she just wishes who he loves can be easy. The truth is, Yuna knows what it feels like to be an outsider and she doesn’t want her precious baby to have to go through any of it. But, the universe, as it turns out, may have different ideas.

Jason @guardsoftoronto • 1hr
Kent was targeted by the WOKE brigade for having an opinion in his personal account. When will this end?
#KeepHockeyAboutHockey

⮑Guards Suck @GuardsSuckAtHockey • 59min
    I think you spelled “Guardians player Dallas Kent posts homophobic slur amid sexual assault allegations” wrong

⮑Y.S.☑️ @HockeyMama • 44min
    Kent, don’t delude yourself. No man or woman, gay or straight, wants to suck your dick.

⮑⮑Y.S.☑️ @HockeyMama • 41min
        It’s obvious anyone with eyes will puke at the look of it, or laugh at the size of it

Roz @Rozanov81
Kent’s dentist is about to become very rich man.

Y.S. @HockeyMama
You still can’t say that publicly.
Where is your publicist?

Roz @Rozanov81
What? I cannot say I wish good fortune on good hardworking doctor?
Help boost Canadian economy, yes?
I am providing valuable service.

Y.S. @HockeyMama
Anyone who sees this can leak it to the press or report you to the league.

Roz @Rozanov81
You will not run to the press, no?

Y.S. @HockeyMama
Of course not. I’m talking about a leak or someone sees it accidentally.

Roz @Rozanov81
My team all agree
What? Is ok to be homophobic racist asshole but not ok to say we make our own justice because league is stupid?

Y.S. @HockeyMama
I…
Ok, I agree with you. Obviously.
Just saying you need to be careful who you say what to.

Roz @Rozanov81
You are so boring!!!

Y.S. @HockeyMama
And apparently it’s my job to take care of children who can’t be left to their own devices.
Seriously. Don’t.

Roz @Rozanov81
Fine

Y.S. @HockeyMama
And delete this conversation!

Roz @Rozanov81
Ohmygod ok

Although she can never publicly admit it, she’s relieved that Rozanov is more than a lip-service ally and willing to put his fist where his mouth is. She wishes his and Shane’s careers had unfolded differently and perhaps they could have been friends.

The playoffs are a blur with the Voyageurs playing their best hockey, but so are a number of the other teams, the Raiders included. Everyone struggles to maintain their form, their strength, and their weight. Yuna tries not to think about the injuries she knows they are all harbouring and playing through.

Yuna must have blacked out, because next time she is fully aware, the final game is over and Shane wins the Cup! Shane wins the Cup! The voyageurs win the Cup, technically, but when Shane is the first to lift up the Cup with tears collecting behind his lashes, she forgets all about it.

At this moment, her childhood dreams have finally all come true – fit in, watch Montreal win the Cup, be successful, marry a good guy and start a family, watch Montreal win the Cup, love and be loved. Shane deserves the Stanley Cup. Yuna hopes it’s everything he’s dreamed of.

After the usual victory tour and parade in Montréal, Shane schedules his Day with the Cup at the cottage with just their little family. He hugs the Cup with a big dopey smile on his face, looking out onto the shimmering waters as they all sit by the dock. Yuna digs out Shane’s hockey themed sheets from when he was a teenager and Shane, along with the Cup, sleeps under a blanket covered in tiny pucks and sticks that night.

Is it greedy to ask for more now that she has everything she’s ever dreamed of? She hopes Shane will always be this happy.

Another image pops into her head. The boy who won the Cup the year before. She hopes he’ll always be happy, too.

No one, with the exception of Shane Hollander himself, knows more than Yuna about how much it took Shane to get to where he is. People think it comes easy when your talent is bestowed by the hockey gods. Talent is an absolute must to start, and then you add endless hours of practice and layers of discipline on top.

As with the previous summer, Shane spends most of his limited off-season break secluded at his cottage, outside of a few photoshoots and sponsorship engagements. He trains almost as much as he does during the season, continues with his high performance diet, yet somehow seems less happy despite the historic cup win. It’s not something he says or does, but just a feeling Yuna has; a mother knows.

Yuna keeps her concerns silent but moves up to the old Hollander cottage close to Shane for the summer while David stays mostly in Ottawa during the week and drives up on weekends.

The 2015-2016 season starts and flies by. Shane is determined to win another Cup and so are all the Voyageurs, if they could just get it together for another season.

Rozanov goes on injury reserve for a lower body injury as the result of a bad fall after an on-ice collision in January. It must not have been that bad because he’s back on the ice after six weeks, but Yuna’s heart had clenched painfully when she watched it happen live. She scours all the platforms for any information or updates, and almost reaches out to one of her contacts close to the Raiders. She wants to message him directly to see how he’s doing but is reluctant to – cross a line? Be weird? Avoid a harassment charge? Yuna isn’t even sure why she cares but she does and wants to send him soup, the Russian ones she sees in videos online with little dumplings and beets and sour cream.

Boston Raiders☑️ @BostonRaiders • Feb 13
He's back! Our captain returns to the lineup against the Hammerheads at home!
#MLHBostonRaiders #IlyaRozanov #RozTheBoz

So it comes as a complete surprise when she gets a message from Rozanov the second week he’s back playing.

Roz @Rozanov81
If I only fuck one person I can not use condoms if we both get tested?

Y.S. @HockeyMama
OMFG!!!
You can’t just text strangers on the internet personal information. We’ve talked about this.
You realize I’m probably your mom’s age? I have a son your age. I really did not need to know that.
I have half a mind to reach through the cell tower and whack you over the head with a stick.
But I’m worried your stupid brain can’t take another concussion before it completely dsintegrates.

Roz @Rozanov81
Is why I ask.
Also you are no stranger.

Y.S. @HockeyMama
Fine,
I’m listening…

Roz @Rozanov81
You are a mother, yes? My mother is dead.
Now I ask you.

Y.S. @HockeyMama
Oh.
I’m sorry.
I didn’t know.

Roz @Rozanov81
Is ok. Was a long time ago.

Y.S. @HockeyMama
I’m still sorry for putting my foot in my mouth.
I swear I’ll never ever tell anyone.
But for fuckssake stop being so trusting.
I won’t ask any more questions now, but, if you ever want to talk about it, I’m here.

Roz @Rozanov81
Is fine.
I do not trust most people.
Internet says is ok, is safe, if both get tested before.

Y.S. @HockeyMama
I mean, technically safe for STIs. But you’ll have to trust the other person completely.
What about birth control? Have you talked about this?

Roz @Rozanov81
Ah yes, Jane will not get pregnant.

Y.S. @HockeyMama
You know there’s no birth control method that works 💯 right?
RIGHT?!?!

Roz @Rozanov81
Jane will not be pregnant I am very very certain.
But if by miracle she is pregnant, I will take responsibility.
Our children will be beautiful.

Y.S. @HockeyMama
🤦🏻‍♀️
Talk to her, I beg you!
This is something the two of you need to decide together and be committed to your decision.
And talk about it if one of you wants things to change.

Roz @Rozanov81
We are not together.
But Jane is very boring. If she agrees no other people, there is no other people.
She is Canadian and boring.

Y.S. @HockeyMama
I can assure you even boring Canadians lie.

Roz @Rozanov81
Not Jane.
If she agrees.
I need to ask first.

Y.S. @HockeyMama
Ok.
Ok. I don’t know what to say.
Just be careful.
To be clear, I am NOT endorsing this. In fact, if MY SON asked me the same question, I would have told him hell no.
Not everyone has your best interest at heart.
Argh, but I know what you hockey boys get up to.
JUST BE CAREFUL!!!

Roz @Rozanov81
I am careful.
I am captain of careful.
I buy condoms for all new rookies. And lube. Always use lube I say to them.
And I tell them skills. How to be good partner.
Cannot have them be bad at sex. Makes team look bad.

Y.S. @HockeyMama
OMFG! I really did not need to know this.
Hey
Seriously, you really shouldn’t be telling me so much stuff.
I could be lying about who I am and everything else.

Roz @Rozanov81
I do not think you are liar.

Y.S. @HockeyMama
Just… ok. I would never say anything.
But for the love of hockey, please don’t ever tell me more about your…whatever.

Roz @Rozanov81
👍

Y.S. @HockeyMama
By the way, I’m glad you’re better.

Roz @Rozanov81
Yes, was only strain on MCL, nothing broken.
Was very boring.
Rest, rehab, reconditioning. Trainers yell at me everyday.

Y.S. @HockeyMama
I’m sure you totally deserved it.
And if you want to be back to 100%, you better listen and do whatever they say.
Better yet, try not to get injured.

Roz @Rozanov81
🙄 yes I get injured on purpose

Y.S. @HockeyMama
You and me and the whole sports world knows it’s at least partially your fault some of the time.
Not this time, but some of the time.
I just
I was worried and it’s good to see you back on the ice.

Roz @Rozanov81
My Jane says the same.
You are both boring.

Y.S. @HockeyMama
Well it’s good to know at least one other person is keeping you in check.
Even if you are not “together” just remember to TALK!!!

Roz @Rozanov81
👍

Y.S. @HockeyMama
I’m happy someone was there for you kiddo.

Yuna can’t help but send Ilya several links for academic papers and public health websites on STIs transmission and testing. He is horrified and sends Yuna a string of undecipherable emoji reactions to the publications with graphic depictions of diseased genitals. She’s glad that the desired effect has been achieved.

She hopes his mother, wherever her spirit may be, can forgive Yuna for stepping in.

The Raiders scramble for a wild card spot in 2016, in part because of Ilya’s injury despite him not missing too many games, but also because additional injuries from their defense line and starting goalie put the team out of Cup contention early on. Yuna watches Ilya play some of the most beautiful hockey in his career and her heart threatens to jump out of her chest every time he puts the puck in the back of the net. Unfortunately, it is still not enough to take the team to the playoffs. That’s just how hockey works out sometimes.

Fortunately for Yuna, she will never get tired of seeing Shane lift up the Stanley Cup as the captain of the team she grew up cheering for. Yuna and David make it to centre ice with the rest of the family and supporting staff of the Voyageurs as the Cup is passed around amongst players. They both cry. While holding onto Shane.

Yuna sends a virtual hug to Ilya the day after the Cup Finals on a whim and reminds him to continue working on his knee in the summer, and gets a thumbs up in return.

She hopes Jane will be there for him.

Everyone stays around Montréal a little longer this year after the usual Cup celebrations. Yuna seizes the opportunity to schedule some meetings with Shane’s agent and various sponsors. Rolex is almost as ecstatic about the second Cup win as Shane and wants to move forward with a new campaign themed around human achievements.

Yuna brings this up when they meet for lunch before heading back to Ottawa since Shane still hasn’t decided whether he’s going to take advantage of the Wimbledon seats Rolex offered.

“It’ll be great exposure for everyone.” She reasons. “They’re worried their box is too tennis…focused.”

“Does that mean too white?” Shane shoots back.

“I thought you like your deal with Rolex?” Yuna presses. “I mean, you certainly like the money. And they are great seats.”

But all she gets is a noncommittal hum from Shane, who, to be fair, has never shown any interest in tennis.

She double checks the email from Rolex and tries again, “They’re next to a prince. No, actually, a Swedish princess.”

“I don’t have time for that right now.”

Yuna can feel David’s hand searching for hers under the table but the words are out of her mouth before he gets there, “Meeting a Swedish princess could be fun, right?”

That seems to have the opposite effect Yuna is expecting because Shane responds in rapid fire, “I don’t want to meet a Swedish princess. Everyday of my life is scheduled. I get two weeks off a year and I don’t want to spend it next to someone I don’t know, trying to make conversation. What if I don’t even like watches, or this kind of watch? ”

He pauses to take a deep breath and continues, “What if I think tennis is boring? What if I just want to wear a fitness tracker that can also tell time? What if a Swedish prince would be more interesting?”

Time seems to stop while they stare at each other.

“I’m going to assume we are no longer talking about watches or tennis matches.” Yuna is the first to break the spell. “And that’s ok.”

And David, in his infinite wisdom and calmness, adds, “We love you and we will never stop loving you.”

It isn’t until Shane lets out a breath and finally relaxes does Yuna realize how tense he has been since they sat down. She grabs his hand from across the table and squeezes hard enough so that neither of them lose control and start crying in public.

They end up getting takeout from Shane’s favourite restaurant and eating while seated directly on Shane’s living room Person rug. Yuna hugs her baby boy tightly, as if to protect him from everything and everyone that is possibly out there to hurt him. And if their eyes all get a bit misty, she won’t be telling anyone.

Chapter End Notes

Notes on hockey or hockey-adjacent terms:
2014 Montreal vs Tampa Bay (Canadian) Thanksgiving game: This game actually happened but unfortunately the Habs (aka the Montreal Canadiens) lost 7-1. (I’m writing this on the eve of Game 7 Montreal vs Tampa Bay, manifesting a Montreal win. Go Habs Go!)

TD Garden: the home arena of the Boston NHL team.

Day with the Cup: players of the championship winning team (and other important front-office members) each get their own day (24 hours) to spend with the Stanley Cup after the win; a staffer from the Hockey Hall of Fame chaperones the Cup to ensure nothing untoward happens; food container and baptismal font are popular choices, it’s also been peed in; the Stanley Cup does not float on water (yes, people have tested this)

Endorsements: unfortunately hockey player endorsements tend to be cringy products and very much on-brand for the dumb jock stereotype, and also because historically, most fans were blue collar workers; if you want your athletes to have luxury endorsements like Rolex, motorsports is a better bet

Chapter 4: 2016-2017

Chapter Summary

Everything changes fundamentally in the span of the 2016-2017 season. They just don’t know it yet.

Chapter Notes

Thanks to anyone new and everyone who stuck around. I am humbled by all of your kudos and comments. Know that I read them all and keep them close to my heart. 😘

We are so close to The Cottage, but before that, Scott Hunter says he wants to win the Cup first.

If you notice canon events have been moved around, that is correct. As with all chapters in this work, there are probably references to Shoresy or something about my home team who is forever retooling their rebuild.

Edit 2026/06/08: A small section added because I simply forgot the first time. It starts with “Out of the blue, Ilya sends Yuna a message” and ends with “So thank you I guess”. You don’t necessarily need to re-read it, but it serves a small plot in the next chapter.

As far as Yuna can tell, Ilya disappears again into the dark void that is Russia during the off season, with no updates on any of his social media accounts. She gets the feeling Ilya’s radio silence is not entirely because of Russia. Other Russian players post all sorts of things in the summer, even when they are in Russia. Yuna fears that something uglier and messier is at play, and perhaps has everything to do with a dead mother and an unpleasant father, both of whom Ilya never talks about in public.

Yuna doesn’t know how many people in the hockey world know about or notice Ilya’s lack of family support, and she doesn’t care that maybe there isn’t anything to know beyond what little Ilya has told her and her own encounters involving the elder Rozanov – Ilya always comes back from Russia more subdued than his usual self. Perhaps it’s from misguided emotions of watching someone the same age as her own son over the years, Yuna feels fiercely protective of him, despite him being a head taller and a hundred pounds heavier than her. She reminds herself that he’s an elite athlete who is on his way to become one of the best players in the history of the MLH, but she can’t forget the young boy who crossed oceans to chase his dream.

When she watches Ilya’s games now, it’s not only for the joy of the game played by one of the best players, she’s also looking for little clues as to whether he’s happy. It’s silly, really, but Yuna catches herself doing this more often and doesn’t have a solution for it.

If Yuna could have her way, she would sit Ilya down and make plans with him, about the future of his career in the MLH, what he’s going to do in retirement, and whether he envisions returning to Russia at the end of his hockey career. Strong preference aside (don’t go back to the people who make you miserable), she wishes they could actually speak with each other face-to-face. The only problem is how to approach that without seeming like a crazy person. She’s not his agent or manager. He doesn’t even know her. Nonetheless, Yuna files this possibility away as something she may potentially work on.

The 2016-2017 season almost comes as a surprise to Yuna after patiently waiting for an entire summer for something to happen. Shane spent his off-season exactly the same way he spends every off-season – mostly at his cottage, mostly training, interspersed with out-of-town meetings and brand endorsement commitments. She may have incorrectly anticipated things to be different after Shane’s revelation. More openness perhaps, once Shane is reassured that their love for him is unconditional and certain secrets are no longer necessary. Somehow nothing changes, and Yuna is left with a sense of untetheredness, like waiting for the other shoe to drop while discovering there are no shoes at all, which fills her with both anxiety and relief. She suspects Shane is seeing someone (and David doesn’t disagree, but refuses to speculate), with the secret smiles and disappearing acts of last season, but he doesn’t mention anything or anyone despite plenty of hints from both of his parents.

While Shane doesn’t seem to want to address the giant elephant in the room that is his coming out, Yuna has a spreadsheet of contingency plans prepared for when he’s ready. (Or when they absolutely urgently need a contingency plan, which is never a good time to start planning for contingencies. She’s not willing to entertain that option just yet despite being prepared for it in the event.)

November comes around, and pictures of Shane and Rose Landry dining at a restaurant and walking intimately close together give Yuna a whiplash so fast she almost thinks Shane’s coming out after the Cup win was a hallucination brought on by a mother’s desperate attempt to rescue her adorable but awkward son from lifelong bachelorhood. The photos, which appear to have been taken by a hockey fan, breaks containment within an hour and explodes onto the internet, effectively merging the hockey world with A-list Hollywood. Voyageurs merchandise sales, predominantly Shane’s merch, sees a significant spike, and she and Shane’s agent Farah spend the next few days fielding sudden interview requests from reporters and media outlets that have nothing to do with hockey. All of them are (mostly) respectfully declined.

Yuna teases Shane about it when he comes for a visit when Montréal comes to play in Ottawa later that week.

“What do you mean?” Shane seems surprised by the information on merch sales Yuna just relayed.

“I’m sure most of that is from Rose Landry fans coming to support their queen’s new beau. It’s not a bad way to bring in new, non-traditional fans, especially if they actually fall in love with the beautiful sport that is hockey after.”

Shane groans, rubbing his eyes with the heels of his hands, “Please not you too, mom. We are just friends.”

“The internet certainly thinks this is the beginning of a wonderful romance.”

“She knows hockey and I don’t have to watch what I say in front of her. Talking to her feels easy.”

Sure, but if they didn’t have that conversation, would she have assumed the same with the rest of the world? In fact, now that she’s thinking about it, Shane has only heavily implied that he is gay.

“Well, you guys certainly looked cozy.” And they do, in the few photos that have now been broadly circulated and picked by both TMZ and ESPN. And if she, who supposedly knows the truth, thinks that, what does the person her son is adamantly not seeing think? She says as much to him.

“Uhm…” Shane’s face does something complicated and eventually settles on surprise laced with panic. “You know that I’m not interested in Rose that way, right? We talked about my – you know – because I’m…I mean.. I’m gay. And we – well, Rose’s people, mostly – will put out a statement soon. You and Farah should be getting the draft later today.” He adds quickly.

“I’m just teasing, honey, but thanks for the clarification nonetheless. Maybe that should be said out loud to whoever really needs to hear it sooner? The person who is not your, you know, whatever?”

Yuna arches an eyebrow while Shane stammers, and then gives his arm a quick squeeze, “it’s good to know your options are not limited to princes, and that non-titled men still stand a chance.”

Shane tries to hide his blush by ducking his head but he can’t hide his smile.

He seems happy. Yuna doesn’t remember if she and David had ever been this stupid.

HockeyNewsNow @HockeyNewsNow • 1hr
Several MLH franchises including Toronto and Montreal plus individual players from other teams have pulled out of Pride Night celebrations
⮑Guards Suck @GuardsSuckAtHockey • 51min
    For a species that can send rovers to Mars and people to the Moon, why are y’all triggered by colours arranged in specific patterns
⮑⮑Y.S.☑️ @HockeyMama • 42min
        The space-faring segment of the species and those emotionally destabilized by a rainbow are nonintersecting circles on a venn diagram

Out of the blue, Ilya sends Yuna a message while David and her are watching Shane’s game on TV against the Admirals. The Voyageurs are putting up a valiant effort, but Scott Hunter’s been on a tear for the last six games and it doesn’t look like the Admiral’s winning streak is going to stop just because Shane is playing.

Roz @Rozanov81
How do you make cauliflower rice taste like rice?
Is there secret way?

Y.S. @HockeyMama
What?
Cauliflower and rice do not taste remotely alike.

Roz @Rozanov81
Is cauliflower rice not special rice?

Y.S. @HockeyMama
No!
It’s just a vegetable pretending to be a carb, which is rather pathetic if you ask me.
Just eat regular rice, Ilya.
You can mix in brown rice or wild rice to increase the protein and fibre content.
But it’s fine to just eat rice in reasonable portions.
You need the carb load.

Roz @Rozanov81
Is not for me.
*Not only for me
I’m making meal for Jane’s visit.

Y.S. @HockeyMama
That’s so sweet!
What are you making?
She probably won’t like cauliflower rice.
It’s an acquired taste for most people.

Roz @Rozanov81
She is on strict diet and does not eat rice or pasta.
I plan for grilled salmon and cauliflower rice
But now I find out cauliflower rice is not rice!

Y.S. @HockeyMama
Is it an allergy issue?
You can try a wild and brown rice blend without any white rice if that’s an option.

Roz @Rozanov81
Bleh! No more weird rice.
Brown rice taste like chewing on rocks.

Y.S. @HockeyMama
LOL
Let me send you a chickpea pasta recipe then.
You might like that better.
Just make sure to not overcook it because it gets mushy.

Roz @Rozanov81
Thank you!

Yuna forwards Ilya the pasta brand that David always gets for their meals along with some of her favourite store-bought sauces. Shane prefers homemade sauces and that’s what they usually have at home, but she’s not confident in the cooking skills of hockey boys and premade sauces are a safer bet.

A few days later, she receives an update from Ilya that makes her chuckle; she can almost clearly picture the indignation on his face as he types the message.

Roz @Rozanov81
Why do you do this to me?
Chickpea pasta is not real pasta, is inadequacy disguised as achievement, invented by man with small penis.
But Jane loved it.
So thank you I guess.

With the first snowfall comes Yuna’s favourite season of the year. Parliament Hill starts looking like a frozen fortress and she can’t wait until the ice on Rideau Canal is solid enough to skate on. Beautiful holiday lights and decorations adorn streets and buildings in both Ottawa and Montreal’s downtown cores and make everything look magical. Yuna thinks the government probably has a significant budget allocated for this precisely to keep Canadians happy during the snow and cold, at least until mid-January when everyone starts daydreaming about tropical vacations.

While Christmas shopping in Montréal, Yuna meanders around the displays of Gucci and Dolce and Gabbana, carefully examining suits with bold prints or interesting cuts that Shane (or David) would never touch with a ten-foot pole. Ilya, on the other hand, would look great in some of these and she can already imagine the snippy response he might throw at the white, macho sports reporters if they dare to question his fashion sense. If you have to wear a suit for gameday, you might as well walk out in something loud and with personality. She doesn’t actually buy anything, but desperately wants to. What would she even do with it? Send it to the Raiders office like some delusional stalker?

The Hollanders celebrate a simple Christmas as a family, exchanging gifts (limited to one per person), baking cookies, and watching The Sound of Music among other traditional holiday movies. Shane comes home, alone, a day after the start of his holiday break, even though David suggested that more people to celebrate together is highly preferable this year.

They end up giving Shane a bottle of the good vodka David keeps around the house (it’s not a separate gift), nominally so Shane would have something nice to entertain his teammates at home, that sends him into a near panic. Yuna is only slightly concerned that her son has managed to find himself a teetotaller. God, she hopes he’s not also vegan.

On January seventh, Yuna wishes Ilya Happy Christmas and spirals for ten minutes straight when he sends back a Happy New Year followed by a heart and fireworks emoji. Which means she’s very puzzled when he’s scratched from the roster at the Raider’s next game.

Two days later, Yuna finds out with the rest of the internet that Ilya’s father has died and he’s gone back to Russia.

To feel devastated for someone she doesn’t actually know is complicated and difficult to unpack, even in her own head. She can’t say she has many charitable thoughts towards Rozanov senior, but he was Ilya’s father, and with Ilya’s mother already gone, who else will be there for Ilya?

Jane, whoever she may be, still hasn’t made an official appearance as his WAG at games or online. It’s possible she doesn’t care for the publicity that will undoubtedly be associated with being with someone as much as a media magnet as Ilya Rozanov. Yuna only hopes Ilya’s managed to sort out whatever was going on with her last year and that she’s able to give him the support he needs. And he needs it, as Yuna remembers the period of time after the passing of her own father, who was stoic and distant and never had what she would call a close relationship with her. Family is always complicated.

Yuna opens Twitter and double checks her DM history with Rozanov.

Unsurprisingly, there isn’t anything new. She considers sending a message, however, she can’t think of much to say that will make things better for Ilya. Is it enough to offer virtual support or does it become one more empty gesture and prying curiosity disguised as concern?

Y.S. @HockeyMama
I’m sorry for your loss.
Take care of yourself.

Y.S. @HockeyMama
Hope you are ok.
I’m thinking of you.

Y.S. @HockeyMama
Hang in there kiddo.

Yuna spends half an hour typing, deleting, and retyping her sentence, until David comes in to remind her she’ll be late for her monthly bookclub meeting. She doesn’t send anything in the end.

All-Stars this year takes place while Ilya is in Russia.

Yuna’s spirits, which usually thrive under sunlight, do not feel lifted despite the beautiful warm weather in Tampa. Shane, who normally enjoys the games (unlike most of the MLH who treat it like a giant frat party with their long-lost bros), seems uninterested and distracted, so much so that some fans have picked up on it and started to theorize wildly online. Truthfully, Yuna completely understands, because it’s so obvious – All-Stars is a lot less fun without Ilya Rozanov. And while Marlow, replacing Ilya as the Raiders’ representative, is probably fine, he simply lacks the panache that brings extra flair to these silly competitions filled with mostly players in a perpetual state of drunkenness.

After being away for four weeks, Ilya, looking more solemn than ever, finally rejoins the roster for the second to last Montrèal-Boston game of the season. She and David had made vague plans before Christmas to be on a cruise around this time but after…everything, Yuna doesn’t want to miss one of the only times a year she gets to see Ilya play in person. Plus, they already went to Tampa this year and that was lackluster.

Watching Shane and Ilya take the ice at the same time is always one of the most exhilarating experiences in Yuna’s life. A scoreless first period flies by in the blink of an eye. Ilya has a heavy look about him but both teams play decently well, although Boston lags behind in SOGs. Shane takes possession of the puck after Boston’s sloppy turnover in the neutral zone and heads directly toward their net. The Raider’s defense tracks Shane closely but Yuna can already tell, by the way he puts his weight on his left edge that he’s going to fake a shot before passing to Hayden, who’s open wide just to the side of the crease.

The sound of the arena is deafening, the lighting almost blindingly bright, patches of blue and red dotted across an ocean of black and gold. Fans holding signs with “Hollander 🔥🔥 Goal-leader” printed in large block letters standing next to someone wearing a custom beadazzled “Rozanov 81 ❤” jersey.

One second Shane is sailing toward the net and the next second he’s down on the ice. Marlow is standing next to Shane. It takes a moment for Yuna’s brain to catch up. Everything seems to come to a stop while she blindly reaches for David's arm, and then suddenly starts up again at twice the speed. Rozanov skates up where Shane is. A fight breaks out between the Voyageurs and the Raiders but Shane is still down and not moving.

The medical team finally makes it onto the ice and moves Shane onto a stretcher. Yuna just can’t wait any longer. She pushes her way out of the stands and grabs the first Boston personnel she can find.

Yuna doesn’t clearly remember how she got to the hospital, only that they followed behind the ambulance there. Someone from the team must have driven David and her but she has no idea who it was.

After exams and CTs and more exams, Shane is finally resting in a private room. The lights are switched off and only sound is coming from the ventilation system and through the curtains connecting the room to the hallway. Even the heart monitor is silenced, although an alarm will sound if anything goes wrong and the medical team can see all the monitors from the central workstation, she recalls the nurse mentioning before leaving them alone. A broken collar bone and grade 2 concussion. No surgery needed and full recovery is expected, the doctor had reassured them.

Yuna hates uncertainty. Full recovery is expected. What if something unexpected happens? Like the check from Marlow Shane wasn’t expecting Her mind whispers. She shuts it down as soon as the thought creeps up.

A sling and complete brain-rest. He’ll be out for the rest of the season and probably the playoffs, too, if the Voyageurs even make it without Shane there. He’ll most likely be back to a hundred percent by the summer and be able to do his usual training.

Yuna looks over at Shane, who is seemingly asleep peacefully. He was awake and lucid earlier, if a little loopy from the strong pain meds they gave him. Shane talked with Hayden, who came by to make sure he’s ok and to drop off his bag from the arena, appearing mostly himself albeit with less inhibition and quite frankly, hilarious.

Nothing in life is guaranteed, but perhaps she should stop worrying since that’s not doing them any good.

David is waiting for her just beyond the curtain divider, so they can get some food and grab their essentials from the hotel so they can stay at the hospital overnight. She takes one last look at Shane’s face and steps outside.

When they come back and after a short stop at the nursing station, David veers off to acquire some blankets for the two of them and possibly to give a bit of alone time to Yuna, who is still a ball of anxiety heading directly back to Shane’s room.

And that’s when she catches the tall figure coming out of Shane’s room, head down and moving toward the elevator bay across. A thousand faces of hockey players flash behind her eyes and once he starts moving, she knows she would recognize that profile from the farthest seats at the top of the stands.

Yuna suddenly recalls the lone figure she saw standing next to where Shane was lying on the ice, frozen in action for seconds before spring to action, frantically waving and probably shouting to get the attention of the medics. He had to be pulled back by the refs and other Raiders once the medical team was on ice. She must have compartmentalized and blocked that memory until just now.

Was it terrifying for him too? The long seconds and short minutes between Shane going down on the ice unconscious and when he finally came to? So soon after losing his father. To see another person still and unmoving, not knowing whether they’ve already seen each other for the last time.

Is he here to see with his own eyes that Shane is not permanently harmed?

Just then, Ilya looks up, and Yuna is standing close enough to see his eyes are puffy and red-rimmed. He doesn’t notice her, but instead presses the call button for the elevator.

Torn between turning back to avoid being discovered and going up to demand a play-by-play recount of the events on ice and possibly a hug, Yuna stands frozen in place until Ilya disappears behind the elevator doors.

“Are you ready to go in?” David appears at Yuna’s elbow, balancing two bottles of water on top of a stack of hospital-issue blankets.

“I just saw Ilya Rozanov leave Shane’s room.” She doesn’t answer his question directly.

“Is he here to check up on Shane or to finish the job?”

“Ha! No, most likely just to make sure he’s alright, captain to captain, good sportsmanship and all that. But I didn’t catch him early enough to speak with him.”

David nods along. “Nice of him to come. No one wants to see this sort of thing happen during the game even when it’s a freak accident.”

Yuna hums in agreement, mind already back in the room with Shane.

Y.S. @HockeyMama
Are you ok?
I saw what happened…

Roz @Rozanov81
Why do you ask?
I was not injured.
You should have seen the other guy.

Y.S. @HockeyMama
YOU CANNOT JOKE ABOUT THAT!!!
In public or private.
Sometimes I think you need a new publicist.
I’m glad Hollander will be ok, at least according to what both teams have put out publicly.
But it must have been scary to see anyone like that.
You looked pretty shaken up.

Roz @Rozanov81
Too soon?
Marlow is very sorry but is legal move.
Hockey can be dangerous.

Y.S. @HockeyMama
I know…
It could have been worse I guess

They take Shane home to Ottawa for recuperation after waiting a week in Boston to be cleared for air travel by the medical staff. He’s done for the season and spends the entire flight back perseverating about whether the Voyageurs are even making the playoffs this year.

Shane settles back in his old room at the house he grew up in. David and Yuna have stayed with Shane from time to time and vice versa, but this will be the longest they will be under the same roof since he moved out to Montréal by himself. It doesn’t feel like he hasn’t left at all, like Marie from the bookclub says when her kids in university come back for the summer. They tiptoe around each other the first few days, being overly polite and tentative, but get the hang of living together again quickly.

Yuna thinks she should schedule a meeting with Farah and maybe get some interviews lined up just to give Shane something to do outside of resting, reading (hockey books), and going to physio.

Aside from the time Shane broke an arm and two ribs in the same game in minors, this is the worst he’s been injured in his entire career. Yuna fusses over Shane and is no longer willing to hide her curiosity, even David asks if Shane would like to have his friend, wink wink nudge nudge, come for a visit, to which Shane just groans.

He eventually relents and mutters, “he’s really busy with work right now; maybe in the summer, but no promises,” while blushing furiously like a tomato.

Ilya seems to have returned to normal after his father’s death, at least outwardly, and has taken to sending her the occasional weird ASMR cooking video, after she inadvertently discloses to him that her son has unexpectedly moved home for a little while and how strange it is to cook for three people again, one of whom doesn’t eat half the things in her fridge.

After the accidental reveal of her current living situation – a hockey-loving mom whose son is home and NOT Shane Hollander’s mom currently space-sharing with the captain of the Voyageurs – she amends that revelation in a panic by adding “he’s just taking a break from work”, then cracks up when she realizes she just implied to Ilya Rozanov that Shane Hollander is a lazy weirdo who still lives with his mom.

Really, she needs to stop talking to that menace of a kid unless she wants to reveal all of her secrets.

A week after they are back from Boston, Ilya surprises her with an actual question that doesn’t involve strange videos of animals doing things that are uncannily human.

Roz @Rozanov81
You are from real hockey town, yes?

Y.S. @HockeyMama
Define real.
But it also doesn’t matter. I’m from a real hockey town by all definitions of the word real.

Roz @Rozanov81
Place where water freezes and people can play hockey outside.

Y.S. @HockeyMama
Yes, of course.
No self-respecting hockey fan should live in places that can’t play real pond hockey in the winter

Roz @Rozanov81
Those teams are there so real hockey teams can play them in winter
For vacation reasons
And so Scott Hunter can retire to city with tropical weather

Y.S. @HockeyMama
Rude.
But he is 100 000 years old.

Roz @Rozanov81
I know you get me 💙
Is still nice to have break in warm place, no?

Y.S. @HockeyMama
Fine 😮‍💨
I’ll admit probably most Canadians dream of warm sand and crystal waters in the winter.
Even ones who love hockey.

Roz @Rozanov81
Russians too.
Is good to have both sometimes.
Beaches and hockey together even better.

Y.S. @HockeyMama
I will not accept the reality that Florida has 2 MLH teams.

Roz @Rozanov81
It will be fun when I beat them.

Y.S. @HockeyMama
I have no doubt.

Roz @Rozanov81
You can come watch.

Y.S. @HockeyMama
I’ll definitely be watching you remind Tampa all of their bad life choices on TSN.

Roz @Rozanov81
Or you can watch from arena in Tampa.
I have free tickets and can book hotel and flight for you.

Y.S. @HockeyMama
I don’t know what to say…

Roz @Rozanov81
As a thank you for helping.

Do people in Florida even know the difference between an arena and a stadium? is the first thought that comes to her mind. And the second is shit! She stares at her phone for a long, long moment. This is completely mad. Yuna Hollander, mother and manager of Shane Hollander, cannot just show up to a Raiders game in the family suite. There will be trade rumours flying in all directions before the first period is even over. But that little inconvenience doesn’t stop her mind from fantasising a reality where she really is just a regular mom with a son who is not one of the most famous active MLH players, a reality where she and her family can attend one of Ilya Rozanov’s games with gift tickets as an excited fan who gets a once-in-a-lifetime chance to meet all the Raiders players.

For a moment, she seriously considers going. Tampa would be one of the easier places for her to attend a game under the radar, if she is careful. Fans are less committed and personally invested in hockey compared to Montréal to be able to pick her out amongst the audiences, as long as she doesn't end up on the Jambotron. She could just blend in and hide in plain sight; surely she can go for the generic Asian look and not be recognized as Yuna Hollander at a hockey game.

Yuna looks down at her phone. Ilya is still typing. She needs to respond, and respond fast.

Roz @Rozanov81
Bring your husband and son.
You can have nice family vacation.
Or leave husband and son at home
And have real vacation, yes?

Y.S. @HockeyMama
🤣🫣
I wish!
We already took our family vacation this year.
To Tampa.
We can’t really go again.

Roz @Rozanov81
Tampa sucks without good hockey.
I make Tampa 1000 times better.

Y.S. @HockeyMama
LOL I’ll give you that.
It did sort of suck.
Next time I’d love to see you play in person!

Roz @Rozanov81
👍

…Which isn't exactly a lie. Minus the fact that the family vacation was with Shane and involved watching him play at hockey (although David and her bailed the majority of the events in favour of other activities).

She must be imagining it, but Ilya’s thumbs up seems all alone by itself, at the end of a conversation that shouldn’t have ended the way it did. Yuna feels a tightening in her chest like she’s somehow letting her kid down.

Despite her reputation, Yuna is fully aware and gladly accepts what people call her both in polite company and in the unflattering corners of hockey Reddit. She doesn’t need strangers to validate that she has a heart and can love fiercely. She sometimes even cries. Most of her tearful moments are hockey-related – when Shane won the Junior world championship, when he was drafted by the Voyageurs, and every time the Cup came home to Montréal, including the two with Shane as their captain. And then there are other times that Yuna doesn’t count as crying, as long as tears don’t leave her eyes and touch her cheeks on the way down.

However, when Yuna finds out one week later that the tickets Ilya tried to give her are for the same game the Raiders are hosting the team’s annual mom trip, she locks herself in her home office and cries silently for the rest of the afternoon.

She texts David while he’s still at work that she has urgent contracting paperwork that needs to be reviewed by the end of the day and cannot be disturbed, and that perhaps he should use the opportunity to grab dinner with one of his friends. David happily obliges.

A large black ant walks across the turquoise circular rug in front of her desk. The nap of the rug is short, and from her vantage point with one side of her head on the ground, she can clearly see each leg move in synchrony, almost like they are floating on top of the fibres as the ant glides across the floor.

Yuna can feel wetness spreading slowly, tacky and cold, on the side of her face that’s touching the ground.

She hasn’t thought about it for years, but today, Yuna finds herself wishing her mother had comforted her or believed in her, instead of defending the cold dismissal that came from her father. She wishes she had the courage to be there for Ilya. She wishes someone, Jane or Ms. Vetrova was there for him.

The playoffs start without the Voyageurs in the Eastern Conference this year.

Shane and about a million Montréal fans are bummed about it, and the only difference between the two is one is plotting the burning of Marlow/Raiders/Rozanov effigies.

By unspoken agreement, and perhaps strong suggestions from Yuna, the Hollanders follow every one of the Raiders’ games.

Ilya seems to have recovered enough from his father’s funeral and the cruel crime of rubbing salt on a wound that Yuna committed against him. The team really comes together this post-season but once again they are dealing with too many injuries for Yuna to lie to herself about their Stanley Cup chances. It is evident by round 2 game 4 that Ilya, the idiot, is playing with at least one broken rib.

Damn it. It really is going to be Scott fucking Hunter’s year.

“I thought we hate Rozanov.” David finally asks when Yuna accidentally cheers for number 81 , who sinks a top shelf goal with a neat little wrister, while Shane, no matter how much he pretends to not care about the Raiders gameplay, also lets out a strained squeak. It’s not going to help unfortunately, seeing that Carolina is still up by two and there’s twenty seconds left on the clock.

“Now we hate him less.” Yuna responds. Shane stares at Yuna in shock like she just declared the Voyageurs are no longer her favourite team. “He came to visit Shane at the hospital in Boston, remember?"

Shane suddenly finds the floor very interesting. Yuna doesn’t blame him for feeling embarrassed. She knows he’s bound to get his bell rung at some point in his career, but it’s still unsettling for it to happen in enemy territory and have your rival team’s captain come make sure they didn’t accidentally inflict any permanent damage.

“But he’s playing hurt. It’s his ribs, I bet.”

“How do you know that?” Shane sounds incredulous, as if his mother’s gone as senile as Scott Hunter and has forgotten how to watch hockey (and years and years of tape review when Shane was coming up through the minors).

“Am I right?”

“Your mother’s a witch. Now that Boston has lost, dinner is ready.”

Scott fucking Hunter wins the Stanley cup.

They are watching the Finals as a family; David even breaks out the good Vodka, although Yuna elects to join Shane in solidarity by trying a new herbal tea he bought from a local artisan. It tastes like twig water and Yuna is regretting everything.

“I’m thinking of opening up our cottage next week now that you're done with regular physio.”

Shane murmurs agreeably.

“Usually you’re eager to get up there in summer. I mean, it’s later than usual this year because of the rehab and doctor’s appointments.” Yuna adds.

“Yah – I was actually planning to head up next week as well.”

“Do you want me to let Marie know to get both places prepped while I’m at it?”

“Sure, thanks mom.”

“Maybe we can leave around the same time? Traffic will be bad since schools are done next week, so I think we should plan to stop for lunch.” David interjects. He usually does the driving when they have to travel between the cottage and their house in the summer because he knows Yuna’s road rage always gets the better of her (including lots of swearing in French).

“Ah, well. You guys go ahead. I’m sort of meeting up with someone first, and – uhm, we’ll probably head up together.”

“Oh.” Yuna tries to keep her face neutral since this is the closest Shane has come to admitting to an ongoing relationship. “That’s great, honey.”

“That sounds wonderful, son. You’ll let us know if you guys need anything, right?” David says excitedly.

Shane nods bashfully, cheeks tinted a dusky hue. Yuna doesn’t think she’s ever seen him like this. Happy? No, not just happy. He was happy when he won the Cup the first time, and the second. This is something else. Content, like he’s finally comfortable in his own skin. She hates that the world has often made it challenging for Shane to be himself. She wonders about the person who makes her son look like that.

(A small part of her also immediately thinks no person is good enough for her boy, but no one will ever know about that thought and it will die with her.)

There’s a sudden loud yelp coming from the TV speakers. Yuna turns her head and right there, zoomed in on center ice, Scott Hunter is kissing a man.

Chapter End Notes

Notes on hockey or hockey-adjacent terms:
SOG: shots on goal, any shots at the net to score that either ends up being a goal or a save by the goaltender; it doesn’t count as SOG if the puck bounces off the posts or is blocked by another player; there are other stats for goalies like save % and skaters (goals, assists, points, TOI, etc.) and teams (penalty kill % etc.). If you are unsure, please ask Shane Hollander, he knows them all 😉

All-Stars: usually happens in midseason in the NHL (Jan/Feb); the league selects one member from each team and the remainder are voted in; as described in the show and books, there are skills competitions that change from year to year and ends from a 3 on 3 tournament; the purpose is to drum up fan engagement and business for the league, but most players don’t take it seriously (and are sometimes drunk)

Neutral zone: the space between the two blue lines that mark the defensive/offensive zones. Contains the center red line, and where puck drop happens at the beginning of the game.

Mom/dad/family trip: NHL teams host these trips annually, usually in alternating years. Players bring their mom/dad/mentor/family/bro on these trips where they fly on the team plane, have special events or meals, and watch a game together.

Scott Hunter: I promise Scott Hunter was not actually harmed in the writing of this. The canon source stays mostly silent on Yuna’s feelings on other teams and their players. IRL, most/many fans of the Original Six dislike each other. It’s like, I, a Leafs fan, wouldn’t be cheering for the Habs if there was another Canadian team still in the playoffs (except for Ottawa, I hate Ottawa and its captain more). In my headcanon, Yuna hates the Admirals almost as much as the Raiders, and that’s only because New York is not in the same division as Montréal.

Chapter 5: 2017, Summer

Chapter Notes

Welcome to the end of the road, boys and girls and everyone in between. A bit of housekeeping for everyone’s been reading this as a WIP (you brave, brave souls!) – I added a small section in Chapter 4 because I simply forgot it the first time. It starts with “Out of the blue, Ilya sends Yuna a message” and ends with “So thank you I guess”. You don’t necessarily need to re-read that chapter, but it serves a small part of the plot here.

I am absolutely floored by all of your responses. ♥️ Thank you so much for the kudos and comments. Read every word and treasure all the emojis. They truly make my day.

Yuna looks at the two boys sitting across from her. Well, technically they are men, but they seem like boys right now, anxious and impossibly young. Shane is fiddling with his fingers and Ilya is trying very hard to stare down a spot on the wall behind Yuna.

David comes back with tea for everyone and a bottle of the special occasions vodka he stashed at Shane’s. This is a special occasion. Perhaps she should just start with the vodka.

“Dad, is that vodka? Where did you —” Shane says incredulously, then turns abruptly to Yuna, “Did you bring it over, mom?”

“No, this is from last year, I bought it for the Cup celebrations then left it here, since I figured we could always use some if anything special came up.” David gives his head a nod toward Ilya.

Ilya fucking Rozanov, suddenly here in the room with her. After years of watching him from a distance. They had shaken hands when she came in, said the standard hellos. It was so crazy to be in the same room as him. He doesn’t know she is Y.S. HockeyMama – can’t know of course.

“And I think having the captain of the Raiders over to the cottage clearly counts,” concludes David.

“Is very good vodka.” Ilya responds seriously.

David gives him an encouraging smile. “Shane isn’t much of a drinker and doesn’t really appreciate the good stuff.”

With the help of drink offerings, Ilya seems marginally more at ease compared to when Yuna first got here. He opens his mouth, then pauses, as if to consider whether what he says next is appropriate. “Shane does not know the difference between good alcohol and paint thinner. Expensive vodka is wasted on him.”

This is immediately answered with a swat on the arm from Shane. “You are such an asshole!”

Ilya returns with a smile so bright that even Shane, who is still looking tense, can’t help but smile back.

Yuna looks at them then, really looks at them. Her mind suddenly racing.

Shane’s been spending the past week at his cottage with someone who is decidedly not Hayden or JJ. She and David have talked about the possibility that person is his maybe boyfriend, and despite dropping hints about having lunch or dinner together, Shane has refused to commit to anything.

Which is completely fine. Mostly. Yuna wants Shane to work things out without any external pressure given that, just like her, he already overthinks enough for ten people. Even though she’s been dying to meet the person who’s been making Shane look so… Here’s the thing, no one has used the L word yet, but she’s pretty sure he’s in love, from the way he looks at his phone to the grin he sometimes can’t contain.

So, they agreed to give Shane time. But then she receives a call from David today, out of the blue, to come over to Shane’s cottage. Preferably now. He reassures her everything is fine and no one is dying. Shane even adds, in the background, that it's only if she has time and not inconveniencing her. As if she wouldn’t stop anything and everything at the drop of a hat for him. Of course she has time!

And now, here she is. Shane is also here, David is here, and Ilya fucking Rozanov is here. She tries to wrap her mind around that one. Ilya Rozanov is Shane’s (maybe) boyfriend?!? Maybe.

But if Shane is with Ilya, (maybe), how long has that been going on? And if it's been a while, how does Jane fit into all of this? Is Ilya still dating her? Yuna doesn’t want to remember the conversation they had about safe-sex and contraception.

Shane and Ilya notice Yuna staring at them both; it breaks her heart to see their matching smiles falter.

Before she can say anything, David sits down on the seat beside her with three shot glasses filled with vodka. He hands one to Ilya and receives a soft “thank you” back. Yuna slides one glass closer but doesn’t drink.

“Look, boys, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to intrude. I’m really sorry to interrupt you boys on vacation.” David starts.

Shane rubs a hand over his face, eyes cast down but focused somewhere far away “Yeah, it's Okay.”

David turns to Yuna, “I was only grabbing something from the shed and didn’t think I would see anyone or interrupt anything,” he adds, “but then by coincidence I was walking by the house and saw these two…” He hesitates a second too long, which leads Yuna to believe there’s more he’s not saying, and recovers by motioning expensively with his arm to indicate the everythingness of it all, “So of course I came to the door to say hi.”

“Yeah, I get it, of course. There’s nothing wrong with that,” Shane responds, voice wavering and squeezing his fist so tight that Yuna wonders if his nails are drawing blood.

She wants to put her hand over his and uncurl his fingers one by one. She almost makes the move when Ilya beats her to it by pulling Shane’s clenched fist toward himself and placing his hand over it. He turns back to Yuna and David, finally giving each of them direct eye contact briefly, as if expecting them to say something.

Shane turns his palm around and laces his fingers with Ilya’s.

“This is Ilya. Rozanov. But you already know that. I –” Shane pauses and looks over to Ilya, who gives him a minute nod, “He is my boyfriend. I didn’t – We didn’t want this to be how we told you..”

This was what she had been suspecting since she saw Ilya at Shane’s cottage, but with those words, it’s somehow like the bottom drops out of the room, leaving her feeling slow and disoriented. What kind of circus would the media make of this?

“Well, this is a bit of a surprise..of course, but Ilya, we are so happy to finally meet Shane’s boyfriend.” The words stumble out of her, the same media training Shane has received finally kicking in. She isn’t sure if there’s an appropriate protocol for meeting your son’s secret hockey rival boyfriend, with whom you separately have a pseudo-parasocial relationship that he is unaware of. If there is, she has certainly missed the memo.

She must have done it wrong because Shane is looking like he might be on the verge of panic attack again.

David didn’t go into any details over the phone, but Shane still looks tense. She can imagine him making a ten-step plan for meeting the parents, with the current situation fitting in as one of the worst-case scenarios.

“Mom…” Shane looks at the table with glassy eyes.

He is 26-years-old, twice her size, one of the best, if not the best player in the MLH right now, and all Yuna sees is 6-year-old Shane, having just moved up from Timbits to games that actually kept score, trying to not cry after losing his first game in the new league despite scoring all of the goals for his team. Yuna dealt with it by promptly switching him to a different team that was more aligned with Shane’s competitiveness.

“Mom –” Shane tries again. “I need you to know that I really did try to not be this way. I tried really hard, but I just can’t help it. And I’m sorry.”

How is she supposed to help him when she is the reason he’s so unhappy? “You have nothing, nothing to apologize for.” Yuna immediately says. She takes a deep breath and finally tells him what she’s been thinking since she sat down in front of Shane and Ilya, “I’m sorry we made you – I made you – feel like you couldn’t tell us about Ilya.”

“No, is my fault.” Ilya jumps in, “I want something more, so it is my fault things are not simple. My fault we are boyfriends and everything is complicated now.”

Shane lets out an exacerbated huff and shakes his head fondly, “How could it be your fault? A relationship takes two people to work.” There are no obvious tears but Yuna watches Shane wipe his eyes.

“But I loved you first.” Ilya says. Yuna is caught off guard at the unexpected confession. She has assumed that Shane, who lived a relatively sheltered life romance-wise, likely hadn’t been able to resist Ilya’s easy charm and fell head over heels first.

“We’ve been through this, Ilya. It’s not a competition.”

“You only say that because you are bad loser.” Ilya insists, like it’s an old argument, but his eyes widen as soon as the words leave his mouth.

“Ah, Shane and I joke sometimes, you see. I only tease… I am sorry.” Ilya says, actually looking abashed.

Yuna reaches over to give Shane’s hand a squeeze. She wants to do the same for Ilya but doesn’t know if it’d be welcome. “Look. Neither of you have anything to apologize for. We are happy for you. Got it?”

Shane nods dutifully. Yuna fears he’s doing it out of habit, because she’s his mom and he knows she wants him to. She doesn’t want him to do that right now but the right words don’t take shape and the half formed thought settles heavy in her chest. Ilya considers her carefully, and finally gives her a slow dip of his chin. She suddenly remembers what he told her about his mother.

She wants to reassure Ilya everything is going to be fine, but she needs to understand what is going on with Jane first and that conversation can’t be had in front of Shane.

They settle on smalltalk afterwards. How was the trip getting here? - Fine. What have they been doing? - Hiking, barbequing, swimming. Has the lake warmed up yet? - No, the water is still freezing. How long is Ilya staying? - Not sure yet; at least another week or so. Would the boys like David to bring up the kayaks from their house? - That would be nice, thanks Dad. They are all relieved to take a break from the somewhat tense atmosphere earlier.

“When did this happen?” David asks after a while, gesturing between Shane and Ilya.

The boys look at each other, an entire conversation takes place without any words. So, this, whatever it is, must have been going on for a long time.

“Wait, didn’t Rozanov –”. “Ilya.” Ilya interjects smoothly and David takes it in stride. “Didn’t Ilya come visit you after the concussion, Shane?”

“Yeah, he was really worried about me… And I couldn’t use my phone.” Yuna notices Ilya’s stiffening posture at the same time Shane shoots Ilya a quick glance that is part assessing and part reassurance. Was Ilya as worried for Shane as she was?

“I’m sure you were worried. We would have reached out had we known.” Yuna regrets it almost as soon as the words leave her mouth. She isn’t trying to be accusatory. But Ilya just shrugs.

“I go see Shane when he is in hospital so it is not so bad.”

It must have been scary to see anyone taken to the hospital, let alone someone you care deeply about. But Yuna senses that’s not something he or Shane want to talk about right now, so she moves on, “When you told us you didn’t want to go to Wimbledon. Were you already together?”

“Yes,” from Shane and ”No, it was before then,” from Ilya are uttered simultaneously.

They share a brief look again, and this time only Shane speaks, “Yes, we were already together then. We got together before that.”

“So, when?” David asks.

“Since our, uhm, rookie season.”

“Since your rookie season!” That is not the answer Yuna is expecting. She thought, maybe, just maybe they got together right before Shane came out; perhaps that was the reason Shane decided to come out.

“No, that is not true. Since before that.” Ilya corrects, “The summer before.”

Shane immediately turns and glowers at Ilya, “Not helpful Rozanov!”

David sits back into his seat and lets out a deep breath. “Well…”

Yuna feels as if she’s been doused with a bucket of cold water. The summer before their rookie season. That can’t be true. The only time they met was at the CCM shoot and she was there. She recalls them goofing around, she even remembers capturing some of those moments on camera herself. But that wasn’t the entire story, was it? What kind of terrible mother would she be if she missed one of the most important events in her son’s life?

Since the summer before their rookie season. This entire time.

And then there’s Jane. Who Ilya was serious enough about that he asked Yuna, practically an internet stranger, about… how to be monogamous? Jane – who cared about Ilya’s injuries. Whom Ilya cooked for. Yuna has been watching him for years, and over time, she has grown to watch him almost as closely as her own son. She cares about him more than she’s willing to admit, and she desperately wants him to be happy.

Yuna grabs the shot glass in front of her and downs the entire contents in one go. It’s not until she sets the glass down a little too loudly does she notice everyone else is staring. She looks back, her gaze passing from Shane to Ilya. They are leaning toward each other ever so slightly; their shoulders not quite touching but she’s certain their hands are under the table.

The chair screeches as she stands up too fast.

She murmurs, “Excuse me,” as she stands up and walks out the door to the back porch.

Time passes. Yuna hears the windchime rattle as the door opens and closes. Someone steps out onto the porch and stops next to her.

The bright sunlight is already making her eyes burn and skin hurt, although she's probably only been out for less than five minutes .

She expects to see David or Shane coming to either check on her or talk her into coming back in, and is surprised to find Ilya standing awkwardly by the door, holding her large-brimmed hat and a shawl.

“You leave these inside and I thought maybe you want to wear them?” as if they are a peace offering. Maybe they are. But he doesn’t know she’s standing here thinking about his dead mother, the game she was invited to and couldn’t attend, and in her dreams, she imagined finally meeting Jane, who made Ilya act soft and shy.

She accepts the items without a word and studies Ilya silently.

Yuna’s never actually seen him this close. She knows all of his stats, hockey and otherwise, like the back of her hand, probably as well as she knows Shane’s stats, and possibly better than he knows himself. And she knows other things about him as well, things that the press doesn’t know and likely very few others do.

However, nothing has prepared her for Ilya Rozanov, in the flesh, standing in front of her at her son’s cottage. And as his boyfriend.

Despite knowing the physical impact of the playoff games on the players, it still seems unbelievable to her when she sees the changes in Shane every year up close, and now she sees it in Ilya. Rather than saying you’ve lost too much weight like she wants to, but decides against, she blurts out the second thing that crosses her mind –

“How are your ribs?”

Ilya is too startled for a moment to give an answer “Uhm –”.

“How many were broken?”

“Just two. How did you know – Did Shane tell you?”

“I didn’t even know you two were friends. No. Anyone with eyes can tell you were playing with broken ribs.”

Now it’s Ilya’s turn to eye Yuna cautiously, trying to project an air of nonchalance, but up this close, it’s easy for her to see that he’s nervous.

“Is healed.” He finally settles on, “Uhm, thank you for asking, Mrs Hollander.” He tacks on a moment later, perhaps remembering the social etiquette of meeting your boyfriend’s mom.

Being addressed as Mrs Hollander seems jarring all of the sudden. She’s used to it, of course, as it’s used by Shane’s teammates, coaches, and sponsors. Shane’s friends are allowed to call her Yuna once she gets to know them. She tries to remember what her mother had asked David to call her when they first met and whether that applies here.

Yuna watches him fumble with his hands, first clasping them together, then letting them rest by his side, only to then hold them together in the front again. Is he scared of her or is he hiding something bigger? He’s already been through so much this year that she wishes she doesn’t have to have this conversation with him right now.

“Shane clearly loves you. I’ve never seen him like this with anyone. And you –”

“And I love him.” He stops. “I know I have reputation, and is true I have been with many women –” Yuna can tell that Ilya catches her wince at that bold statement. It is said without pride or shame, rather simply stating the truth. He continues on, “But I have only been in love with one person.”

After her own pause, she makes a decision. “Yuna-san. You can call me Yuna-san.” And not simply because he’s in love with her son and apparently has been with him since before either of their skates ever touched MLH ice. Ilya just doesn’t know the rest of the truth yet, why he deserves this special status.

The Japanese word seems foreign when she says it, in more than the literal sense. She’s never offered this to anyone else because Shane is always self conscious about being different and she prefers to not make things harder for him by adding to his otherness. When Yuna’s mother was alive, David addressed her as okaasan, the Japanese word for mother, after they were married as was customary in her culture; she always imagined it would be the same when Shane’s time came.

If Ilya is startled by the abrupt change in topic, he doesn’t show it. He simply nods and repeats it. Yuna gives him a tight smile and considers her next words carefully. “There’s something I should have told you right away but I didn’t want to have the conversation in front of Shane.”

“Okay Yuna-san” Ilya replies warily. “I listen.”

“Whatever you’re thinking, it’s not that.” Yuna takes a slow breath in, as if not letting it out can control the damage that his next answer might inflict on all of them. She wants to hold it in, for as long as she can. She doesn’t want to hurt Shane. Or Ilya for that matter.

“I believe that you love Shane. I do. And you say he’s been the only one you love. But how does Jane fit into all of this?”

Ilya’s eyes widen and his face is confused. He opens and closes his mouth several times without any sound coming out. “What? Who told you this name?…”

“That is part of what I need to tell you. I need you to know that this was all a crazy coincidence I would never have imagined. And I wish I knew years ago that you and Shane were together….” With visible effort, she stops rambling.

“Ilya,” Yuna says his name intentionally and properly, with the correct Russian pronunciation he once told her, “I’m Saito. That’s my maiden name. I’m … well … I guess the two of us know each other better already than you expected.”

Complete silence. Then realization. “Oh.” Ilya’s mouth forms the shape, with no sound emerging. The camera has never seen Ilya Rozanov speechless, and here he is dumbstruck. She wants to laugh and cry at the same time.

“Oh. That makes sense now.” Ilya finally manages to say.

Yuna re-wraps the shawl around her shoulders just for something to do with her hands and waits patiently for Ilya to process.

“I am not only one with surprise to share today.” Ilya huffs then seems to relax, like a man with a clear conscience. “You do not need to worry about Jane.”

She uncrosses and recrosses her arms but stays silent.

“There is no Jane. Jane is just…Shane. We, uhm, use codenames for each other for our phones. So people do not find our secret. Shane is Jane on my phone and I am Lily on his.”

Yuna wants to smack herself repeatedly for not figuring it out. Especially after she heard they had been together so long. Jane. Shane. Too easy. “Oh” she says with a rueful smile. “Well then, that’s – wonderful actually!” she says with relief flooding through her. Other memories come trickling back about Jane. “Well… I guess it finally makes sense that Jane liked the chickpea pasta so much. That never made sense to me. I recommended the kind that Shane likes. NO ONE I KNOW likes that stuff other than Shane. ”

He laughs out loud. A surprised, clean sound threading through their mutual relief. She laughs too. Then they just smile at each other in a moment of comfortable silence.

“Most people don’t know about Jane. Our teammates are too stupid to notice. But some of the Raiders – they think I have girlfriend in Montreal. We delete any message with our name. Shane is very, how you say, meticulous, so we do not keep any photos of each other on our phone in case they are hacked.”

Yuna chuckles, because that’s exactly what she would have expected of Shane, then realizes, “That’s – that’s kind of sad. That you don’t have any photos of you two. Maybe it is the safest and most practical, but…” She makes a mental note to search through her own photo collection for pictures of Shane and Ilya together; at least she has the CCM ones and maybe some from the draft and the annual awards show.

“Is what it is. We do this for many years.” Ilya shakes his head, as if it will make all the past go away. Then he steals a tentative glance and quickly looks away, “Do you really watch my games?”

“As many as I can!” Yuna answers honestly. “I get excited when you play well and worried when you are injured. And for what it's worth, I really, really wanted to go to the game you invited me to.” She gets a little emotional saying the last part, remembering how she felt afterward. She wanted to be there for him, and now, it all seems so stupid that she couldn't.

Ilya looks at her like she’s just said something profound and improbable and wonderful. Something small and tender finds a place inside her chest and settles in between her ribs.

“Hey, look at me.” Yuna says urgently, wanting to throttle everyone in Ilya’s past who set his expectations so low. So that being cared about is a surprise, as if he expects caring to be doled only meagerly at sparse intervals.

“Look at me. Look at me, Ilya. I’ve been watching you play from the beginning. You and Shane are the same age, and I watched you both become adults. I’ve watched your interviews and I’ve seen the tabloid stories. And after we started messaging each other I paid even more attention. And when you started asking me for advice, I began to also feel responsible, like I could help you navigate this mess of a professional hockey life in a foreign country without family.”

Yuna breaks for a breath, her inhale shallow and unsteady, like all of her buried emotions will tumble out of her if she doesn’t speak fast enough. “And well, I never, ever wanted to overstep. But now that we’re here in the same room…and now that I know you and Shane have loved each other all these years …I just want to say. Ilya, I’ve always been so proud of Shane, of everything he’s achieved in hockey and in life. And so worried about him too. Proud or worried all the time. And of course that’s normal, since I’m his mom. But Ilya, these past years, I’ve often felt the same about you. I’m so proud of the things you’ve accomplished, Ilya, and how you’ve handled things. And I’m terrified that you’ll get injured, or sign a contract that’s bad for you, or a million other things. I don’t deserve to feel those things, when I can’t even tell you who I am. But I do feel them. And I hope you can forgive me for feeling those things, without actually knowing you or asking if you wanted that. I’m sorry Ilya. But I’m also proud of you Ilya -- so proud. ”

Brittle with emotion, she reaches a tentative hand out towards him.

Ilya lets out a choked whimper. His lips tremble and there are tears welling up in his eyes eminently threatening to fall. He gently takes her hand in two of his.

Yuna feels too much and not enough all at once. Before she can register what is happening, she has closed the space between them and pulled Ilya into the biggest hug she can muster. Ilya, all two hundred pounds of him, goes willingly.

They stay like that for a while, neither of them moving. Ilya rests his head on her shoulder, his curls tickling her neck and face. He has to be hunched over to do this and his back must be killing him.

Finally, Ilya speaks up, voice trembling, “For a long time, I think what I have with Shane is fine. If I do not make big deal, it will not have to mean anything, and Shane will not get hurt.”

She brushes hair away from his face and hums supportively.

“I am stupid for not realizing sooner that I loved him, probably from the first time.” He sniffs but continues, “But I am me, so why should Shane want anything to do with me.”

“Oh, honey.” Yuna pulls back so she can look Ilya in the eye. “Don’t you ever say that about yourself. I know you by your actions – you are kind and thoughtful. You care for your teammates greatly, you stand up to bigots and misogynists, you are a great captain and the younger players on your team all look up to you, and even your chirps are mean but funny yet never cross the line to being actually cruel.”

“And you’ve achieved so much despite all the challenges. Do you fight too much? Hell yes, but I say that because I worry about you. You’re a phenomenal hockey player and a good person, Ilya, and that goes a long way in Shane’s and my book.”

She tries to give him a smile; it probably comes out crooked. But it doesn’t matter because she can see the tug at the corners of Ilya's mouth despite it all being a bit wobbly.

“Yuna-san?” Ilya says after a while.

“Yes, Ilya.”

“I come out here and think maybe you want to ask about my intentions or whether I throw game for Shane.”

Yuna arches an eyebrow. “So, have you? Have you thrown a game for Shane?”

“I would rather die.”

She lets out an uninhibited laugh. And Ilya looks back at her, eyes glistening, and laughs with her after a beat.

They come back in after having agreed that Ilya will tell Shane later about their conversation because Yuna insists that a durable relationship is built on good, open communications. In truth, she doesn’t want to personally rehash the circumstances which led her to strongly recommend strategies for her son and his boyfriend to prevent unwanted pregnancy.

If their eyes are red-rimmed and puffy as they enter the room, David doesn’t comment on it. Shane shoots Ilya a nervous glance but Ilya just smiles dazedly.

Shane and Ilya agree to head over for dinner later since David already has everything prepped. He’s not going to tell the boys that they bought enough food and all the fancy fixings just in case a meet-the-boyfriend opportunity arose.

Yuna helpfully adds that there will be food suited for everyone, including normal pasta. Shane protests indignantly, and Ilya, the menace that he is, sends Yuna a wink. Yuna decides there and then to bring out her computer after dinner, with all of the “brainstorming” spreadsheets she had made for Ilya over the years, and have a serious talk with him about his professional representation.

They rise to leave. “Well,” says David, “today has been full of amazing surprises. Ilya, we are thrilled to finally meet the mysterious person who has been making our son so happy all these years.” This leads to genuine smiles and hugs all around and Yuna gets a bit misty. David continues to carry the load: “Bye for now you two! We’ll see you both at our place in a bit!” Yuna falls in love with her husband all over again. Her rock, her anchor, her everything.

Chapter End Notes

I can’t believe we are at the end! Thank you for coming along for the ride.

To all our hockey besties, how are we doing?!?! Not gonna lie, I was really down after the Habs lost. I always hated Vegas – you don’t get a team if water doesn’t freeze naturally and I’m not sorry – it got even more complicated for me after Marner’s trade last year. Like, I get why he wanted to leave, intellectually speaking. But a part of me is also the jilted lover who hopes their ex trips and dies. So, yah, go Marlies. 🥹

I thought I’d share the working titles of each chapter here as I have them on my gdrive – Teenagers, Manwhore years, Catching feelings, Scott fucking Hunter wins the cup, and All roads lead to the cottage. There isn’t always make a detailed outline, so these titles are supposed to embody the vibe of the entire chapter LOL. I can verify this method is only selectively successful.

I hope it’s as fun for you as it was for me. See you at the next story!

Notes on hockey or hockey-adjacent terms:

Timbits: A Tim Hortons treat (donut hole) loved by the author and also the lowest age bracket (age 4-6) for Hockey in Canada. Yes, you heard it right, little kids hockey in Canada is named after a dessert. It’s too cute to not try to shoehorn it in somewhere. Shane likely still played full-ice in the 90s although they didn’t keep score.

The Marlies: The AHL affiliate team for the Toronto Maple Leafs. They are not in this story at all, but if you see words like “farm team” and “the minors” in fandom, that’s what it means. I borrowed the name of a previous AHL affiliate of the Montreal Canadiens, the Quebec Citadelles, as the name for the MLH team based in Quebec City for my story Dear Ilya, Please Let Me Love You. As a general rule, All NHL teams have lower tiers development leagues, the AHL and the ECHL (while not officially part of the ECHL, the CHL - the Canadian Hockey League - has agreements with the NHL).
The Marlies just won in the Eastern Conference and are going to the Cup Finals. You should consider supporting them. 😉 And of course, our PWHL sisters deserve all the support and love.