Preface

The Rules of Feminism
Posted originally on the Archive of Our Own at https://archiveofourown.org/works/85746806.

Rating:: Teen And Up Audiences
Archive Warning:: No Archive Warnings Apply
Category:: M/M
Fandoms:: Game Changers | Heated Rivalry - All Media Types, Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid
Relationships:: Shane Hollander/Ilya Rozanov, Shane Hollander & Rose Landry
Characters:: Shane Hollander, Cassie Boodram, Selena Chouinard, Lisa Hayes (Game Changers), Caitlin Dykstra, Ilya Rozanov, Rose Landry
Additional Tags:: Texting, Texting Fic, WAG Shane Hollander, Identity Porn, Identity Reveal, Coming Out, Ottawa Centaurs (Game Changers), Supportive Ottawa Centaurs (Game Changers), Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Book 6: The Long Game (Game Changers), Banter, Good Friend Rose Landry
Language:: English
Stats:: Published: 2026-05-29 Completed: 2026-06-12 Words: 27,020 Chapters: 5/5

The Rules of Feminism

Summary

After his Boxing Day fight with Ilya, Shane has a game plan to fix everything. He will come out as Ilya’s boyfriend to a few people, get himself used to the idea that everyone won’t hate him for it, and then think about telling more.

Rose even has the perfect group in mind for Shane. After all, they were so kind when she and Shane were dating.

Shane really isn’t prepared to enter his WAG era, but for Ilya’s sake, he will try.

Notes

Please have workskins have turned on because I have no idea what this looks like with it off 😅

See the end of the work for more notes

Chapter 1: She doesn’t even go here!

Rose Landry

Shane: I think I fucked up
Rose: No???; You're literally perfect
Shane: What the hell, Rose?
Rose: What? I’m not allowed to support my bestie?
Shane: No, I meant why are you awake? It’s 2am in LA!
Rose: Not to quote Lily, but your boring is showing, Hollander

👑 VIP WAGs 👑

Cassie Boodram: HOLY SHIT; BIG NEWS!!; Need all of you here now!!!
Caitlin Dykstra: What’s happening?; Is everyone okay??
Selena Chouinard: Did someone die
Kaye Boyle: Not that I know of
Selena Chouinard: Thank god.; Maman has been throwing up all night, 2/3 of my kids have a cold, and the lucky third is having a meltdown because everyone else is stressing him out
Cassie Boodram: Okay Selenas life implosion aside
Selena Chouinard: Excuse you 🤬
Cassie Boodram: We are getting a new member!
Caitlin Dykstra: Is that big enough news to give Selena a heart attack on top of everything else?
Kaye Boyle: Don’t new members go to gen pop first?
Cassie Boodram: EXACTLY; She’s not exactly a regular WAG; So it doesn’t seem right to just add her to the general WAG chat
Selena Chouinard: Spit it out Cassie
Cassie Boodram: Rozy apparently has a secret lover he’s been hiding away for YEARS; Never joined the Bears WAGs; Never together publicly; Never anything official; But she wants to be a WAG with us!
Selena Chouinard: SERIOUSLY??; HE DUMPS THIS ON US THIS WEEK???; why does Roz hate me specifically 😩
Cassie Boodram: See I knew you wouldn’t want me to sit on this until the plague has left!
Selena Chouinard: You are unfortunately right
Sophie Kong: New member? 😲; ILYA ROZANOV GIRLFRIEND??
Cassie Boodram: Yup!
Sophie Kong: Thank god I won’t be the newbie any longer!
Cassie Boodram: Okay since most of us are here, I’m going to add her
Caitlin Dykstra: I think Lisa’s offline; Must still be on shift at the hospital
Selena Chouinard: Fuck the sick children!; Bring in the new WAG! 🤩
Cassie Boodram: Sometimes I wonder why you procreated
Selena Chouinard: Me too; Three times!
Caitlin Dykstra: You need any help Selena? Groceries? Drug store pickup?; I need to drive around for an hour to get Susie to sleep anyway
Selena Chouinard: Cait you goddess of a woman; I would give you my firstborn; But she is currently coughing up a lung; Can I send you a list instead?
Caitlin Dykstra: Of course!
Cassie Boodram: I’m going to add her since I will literally combust if I have to wait any longer
Cassie Boodram: Hi Jane! This is the VIP WAG chat where all the coolest WAGs hang out.
Selena Chouinard: Salut Jane! Bienvenue aux Cens!
Sophie Kong: Hi Jane!
Kaye Boyle: Hello!
Caitlin Dykstra: Welcome, Jane!!
Jane Baker: Hi.
Cassie Boodram: Alright everyone, roll call; I’m Cassie, Bood’s wife
Selena Chouinard: This is Selena Chouinard, Nick’s wife
Sophie Kong: I’m Sophie, and I’m with Dylan Young
Kaye Boyle: I’m Kaye, Steve Boyle’s better half
Caitlin Dykstra: Caitlin here, Evan’s wife!
Jane Baker: Is everyone in this chat married?
Sophie Kong: Nope; Just long term partners
Lisa Hayes: I’m here!; Holy fucking shit; A new WIP WAG?!?!?
Caitlin Dykstra: Lisa was busy saving lives, Jane
Lisa Hayes: Not even!; I was napping and slept through the notifications 😭
Cassie Boodram: Lisa.
Lisa Hayes: I know!; Anyway, I’m Lisa. Married to Wyatt, the goalie
Jane Baker: Hi.; Again
Cassie Boodram: You are adorable!; How long have you been with Roz?
Jane Baker: About two years now? Exclusively.; On and off for a few years before that.
Sophie Kong: Ooh same with me and Dyl!
Caitlin Dykstra: How??; You’re like 16
Sophie Kong: I am not!!; But during high school Dyl had commitment issues; So we weren’t official
Cassie Boodram: High school 😭 what teenage boy doesn’t have commitment issues?
Caitlin Dykstra: Thank god I didn’t meet Evan until later; He said he went through his after school nature club like a box of tissues
Cassie Boodram: Glad you avoided that!
Caitlin Dykstra: At least he got his outdoor fucking out of the way; Since I am not okay with doing it against a tree or behind some bushes
Lisa Hayes: That is so unsanitary!
Caitlin Dykstra: anymore
Lisa Hayes: Oh my god Cait 😂
Cassie Boodram: Come on guys!; Way to throw Jane into the deep end; You couldn’t stay away from the sex talk for 5 minutes?
Caitlin Dykstra: No
Lisa Hayes: No
Selena Chouinard: It’s like you’ve never been in this chat before
Cassie Boodram: Jane, if you ever get uncomfortable, let us know!
Caitlin Dykstra: And American purity culture strikes again!
Selena Chouinard: ❌ USA ❌
Lisa Hayes: ❌ USA ❌
Sophie Kong: ❌ USA ❌; Jane where are you from?
Cassie Boodram: Omg you can’t just ask someone that! 😂
Sophie Kong: 😮‍💨
Cassie Boodram: I’m just teasing!
Sophie Kong: Ugh; But someone did ask me that the other day; Complimented my English too; It’s really not a hard language if you’re BORN AND RAISED IN CANADA
Selena Chouinard: 🤐
Sophie Kong: Shit sorry Selena!
Jane Baker: My mom gets that question all the time, even though she was also born and raised here.
Sophie Kong: Oohh it’s the worst!; Do you get asked too?
Jane Baker: Not really. I’m a little well known? So most people already know my background and don’t ask.
Selena Chouinard: You’re famous?!?
Caitlin Dykstra: Wait what??
Cassie Boodram: Are you an influencer?; Sophie, confirm!
Sophie Kong: Just cause I’m gen Z does NOT mean I know every influencer on the planet
Cassie Boodram: But you know more than us combined
Kaye Boyle: Are the Kardashians influencers?; Sorry, just popping in between meetings
Jane Baker: I’m not an influencer, not really. But I have some sponsorship deals, so I guess I influence people that way?
Lisa Hayes: Holy shit you are famous
Selena Chouinard: Why are there so many “Jane Baker”s out there?
Cassie Boodram: Cyberstalking already? Really?
Selena Chouinard: What’s your Instagram? We’ll all follow you!
Caitlin Dykstra: Yeah! I’m not super active, but I post nature photos sometimes. I’ll follow too!

Rose Landry

Shane: I need help.; Why did I think this was a good idea? I have no idea what to do.; I’m just going to fuck everything up.
Rose: Woah! Breathe babe; What happened?
Shane: The WAGs want to see my Instagram account.
Rose: Can you just tell them no?
Shane: But isn’t that weird?; Doesn’t everyone have one now?
Rose: Yeah kinda
Shane: Should I make a fake one?; Should I link to someone else’s?; Should I just leave the chat?
Rose: Breathe Shane; No you shouldn’t do any of that
Shane: Then what should I do?!; I’m freaking out here.
Rose: Okay.; You’re not going to like this, but hear me out; Tell them the truth
Shane: I can’t do that!
Rose: Not the whole truth. Just why you have to keep who you are a secret.; Most people think you have to trust someone to be vulnerable with them. But it’s actually the other way around: you have to be vulnerable around someone to get them to trust you.
Shane: You’re right.; I don’t like that idea.
Rose: Sorry, but that’s my advice and I’m sticking with it
Shane: It took me 7 years to be vulnerable around Lily!; And I already knew he was trustworthy by then!
Rose: Uhhhhh; You let that man INSIDE YOU wayyy before that; That’s as vulnerable as it gets
Shane: Fine. Point made.
You don’t have to spill your entire life story: Just tell them enough so they understand where you’re coming from; You can do this!; Remember, Lily likes them. He trusts them.; You can do this for him!
Shane: Okay. I’m going to try it.
Rose: Hell yeah!
Shane: Where did you learn this stuff?
Rose: I’m an Emmy nominated actor??; Reading people is kind of my thing.
Shane: Oh, that makes sense!
Rose: I love you. You are so ridiculous.; Now show those WAGs what Jane is all about!

👑 VIP WAGs 👑

Jane Baker: I can’t do that.; Jane Baker isn’t my real name.
Cassie Boodram: What?
Selena Chouinard: What?
Caitlin Dykstra: What?
Lisa Hayes: Is this some elaborate prank by Ilya?
Jane Baker: NO.
Cassie Boodram: Please explain. Ilya did vouch for you, but we take our privacy very seriously in this chat. If you are up to something, I will not only block you from ever contacting us again but also blacklist you from every other WAG group in the NHL.
Jane Baker: I promise I am not up to anything.; Fuck this. I told Rozanov it was a bad idea.
Selena Chouinard: You call him Rozanov?; This is definitely all fake
Cassie Boodram: Sorry for my oversight guys, I’ll block her.
Jane Baker: Not a her.
Sophie Kong: What?
Jane Baker: I’m a him.
Selena Chouinard: WHAT?
Cassie Boodram: Some more explanation would be nice? Please?
Jane Baker: I’m Rozanov’s boyfriend.; There.
Selena Chouinard: I think I’m going to faint
Cassie Boodram: So Jane really isn’t your real name
Jane Baker: Rozanov thought he was being funny.
Cassie Boodram: And “Baker”?
Jane Baker: I couldn’t go by Jane Doe, could I?
Lisa Hayes: Okay, whatever your name is, did you actually pick Baker as a pun on Doe/Dough
Jane Baker: It was Rozanov’s idea!
Lisa Hayes: Really? That doesn’t sound like him
Jane Baker: Fine, it was my idea.
Lisa Hayes: This is too fucking funny!; Cassie, you can’t block him now; Things are just getting good!
Cassie Boodram: I wasn’t going to!; I’ll ask Rozy after next practice.; Caitlin can you come with me and distract Z if need be?
Caitlin Dykstra: Sure!
Jane Baker: You’re not going to tell Boodram?
Cassie Boodram: No?
Lisa Hayes: None of us are going to tell
Cassie Boodram: Like I said, we take privacy very seriously here. So if you are who you say you are, then of course we’ll keep it to ourselves.; But if you’re fucking with us, I will not hesitate to take you down.
Jane Baker: I promise, I’m not.
Cassie Boodram: Then you have nothing to worry about! 😀
Sophie Kong: So what’s your real name?
Jane Baker: I can’t tell you that.
Sophie Kong: Not even your first name? Just so we have something to call you that isn’t Jane
Jane Baker: I actually don’t mind Jane. I’ve been saved in Rozanov’s phone as Jane for almost ten years at this point.
Cassie Boodram: TEN YEARS?
Sophie Kong: Oh my god
Caitlin Dykstra: Wow you really do belong in VIP WAGs; That’s longer than any of us have been married!; And before Sophie was born!
Sophie Kong: I hate you all
Lisa Hayes: I for one am very happy you’re here
Jane Baker: You really don’t have to say that. I know I’m intruding, but Ilya really wants to be more open about us. Even though we’re not out, I thought this was a possible first step.
Lisa Hayes: No, I mean it!; Back in Toronto, I wasn’t in the WAGs chat. Never got the invite. It was a pretty small complaint, compared to Wyatt’s shit, but it still stung.; Like, just because he was a backup goalie, that meant we were second class people.
Cassie Boodram: I’m so sorry Lis!; Thank god Z has never been traded
Lisa Hayes: Here, you’re only second class if you’re not in a committed relationship!; Like, this second chat wouldn’t be necessary if Bergy and Tanner didn’t insist on getting a new girlfriend every two weeks.; I love those boys, but I cannot keep track of who they’re dating at all.
Cassie Boodram: You could always ask the WAG chat!
Lisa Hayes: And start another fight?; No thank you
Kaye Boyle: I only go in there when forced
Selena Chouinard: Same; I already have three kids. I don’t need more drama.
Caitlin Dykstra: I have one kid. That’s enough tantrums for me!
Jane Baker: Thank you, guys. I really didn’t expect this.
Cassie Boodram: Has Rozy been talking shit about us??; We’re nice! I swear!
Lisa Hayes: You literally just threatened to blacklist him and “take him down”
Cassie Boodram: 😅
Caitlin Dykstra: Selena, open up! My trunk is full of soup, cough syrup, and oreos.
Cassie Boodram: Breakfast of champions!
Selena Chouinard: Coming!
Sophie Kong: Oh that’s only one ingredient off from Dyl’s magic hangover cure
Lisa Hayes: Please tell me cough syrup is not involved
Sophie Kong: Nope it’s the soup
Lisa Hayes: I should have known
Jane Baker: At least Young admits he gets hangovers.; Ilya says “what is hangover? Russians do not get these” and drinks more to prove it.
Cassie Boodram: I totally read that in his accent
Lisa Hayes: Same 😂
Jane Baker: He’s lucky he’s cute when he’s cranky and hungover as hell.
Cassie Boodram: Wait, speaking of drinking and parties and stuff; We were all surprised when notorious fuckboy and work hard/play hard Ilya Rozanov came here; Jane was it for you??
Jane Baker: Yes.
Cassie Boodram: So you are Canadian? We weren’t sure, since Ilya spent so long in Boston.
Jane Baker: Yes! I was actually born and raised in Ottawa, but I moved a few hours away for my first job.
Sophie Kong: 🍁 CANADA WIN! 🍁
Lisa Hayes: 🍁 CANADA WIN! 🍁
Selena Chouinard: 🍁 CANADA WIN! 🍁
Caitlin Dykstra: YOURE FROM OTTAWA??
Cassie Boodram: Oh now you’ve done it, Jane
Jane Baker: Done what?
Lisa Hayes: Caitlin, we all love you, but this city is dull as hell
Caitlin Dykstra: None of you appreciate her!!; But Jane, you get me, right?; Ottawa is the best!
Jane Baker: Ottawa is fine.
Caitlin Dykstra: We’re the capital!; Do our six national museums mean nothing to you??
Jane Baker: Kind of? I think my parents dragged me to at least two of them as a kid.
Caitlin Dykstra: Never mind; You deserve hungover Ilya forever
Jane Baker: 😂
Caitlin Dykstra: We’re the birthplace of Shane Hollander!
Cassie Boodram: That’s really not the brag you’re thinking it is; He’s Ilya Rozanov’s boyfriend
Caitlin Dykstra: Yeah, but he’s gay and has EYES
Jane Baker: Hollander’s alright
Cassie Boodram: See?
Caitlin Dykstra: I have never been so disappointed in a fellow Ottawan

Lily

Shane: I like them
Lily: Good!; They are very likeable people
Shane: I came out to them.
Lily: What?; Jane, what are you saying?
Shane: I didn’t tell them who I was, but I said I was a man.
Lily: Oh!
Shane: They wanted to follow Jane on social media.
Lily: You could not lie and tell them you did not have any?
Shane: I already told them I was well known and a minor celebrity. What celebrity do you know doesn’t have Instagram?
Lily: And they say I have the biggest ego! 😂; I have nothing on my Jane’s big head
Shane: Shut up.; It came up organically.; You can tell your team too. Not my name, but that I’m a guy.
Lily: Of course there is another head I prefer…
Shane: Of course there is.
Lily: But if you would like to keep talking, I suppose I can wait
Shane: You can?
Lily: Fuck you, yes I can; I can be good boyfriend; Listen when my Jane is telling me about her boring day
Shane: You’re touching yourself right now.; Don’t lie to me.
Lily: I have eyes AND hands!
Shane: You’re unbelievable.
Lily: So you are not touching yourself too?

👑 VIP WAGs 👑

Cassie Boodram: Got the all clear from Rozy!; Jane, you’re in
Caitlin Dykstra: You say this like we’re some super secret spy organization
Selena Chouinard: That would be so cool
Jane Baker: Thank you, Cassie!; I kind of feel like a spy in this chat.
Lisa Hayes: That goes away eventually! Trust me; You’ll be one of the girls in no time; Shit; Wait; Should we change the name if Jane isn’t technically a wife or girlfriend?; Doesn’t seem very inclusive
Jane Baker: WAGs is fine, especially since I’m still going by Jane; Thank you for checking in.
Cassie Boodram: Oh my god you’re so polite; What a nice canadian boy; If only SOME OTHER MEN were like that
Sophie Kong: Oh, yeah, Dyl did say yesterday’s watch party for Guardians v Voyageurs got a little nuts
Cassie Boodram: They broke my damn coffee table!
Jane Baker: I’m sorry. Ilya should really know better.
Cassie Boodram: It was more Tanner, LaPointe, and Nick
Selena Chouinard: I’m making Nick pay for the replacement; None of that IKEA shit Cassie; Get a real table
Jane Baker: Ilya will contribute too.
Cassie Boodram: No, no it’s fine!; I’m just mad because I really liked that table. It matched the aesthetic so well!; But I can find another; Not IKEA lol
Jane Baker: I’m really sorry.; He’s captain. He should keep his players in line.
Cassie Boodram: OH HELL NO; This is the first watch party Ilya has come to in MONTHS; We are not scaring him off now we’ve just got him!
Jane Baker: That’s probably my fault. I was monopolizing his time.; We’d been long distance for so long, I went a little crazy having him in the same country for once.
Caitlin Dykstra: First I was angry at you; Now I’m sad for you; You were never in the same country??
Jane Baker: Sometimes, but for like 48 hours maximum every month or so. Usually more like 6 hours.; I travel a lot for my job too, so it was hard to meet up with any sort of consistency.
Lisa Hayes: God I thought my residency was bad!; Poor Jane and Ilya!
Jane Baker: Since he moved, it’s been much better.
Selena Chouinard: What kind of work do you do?
Jane Baker: I’m an athlete too.; I won’t say which sport, though, sorry!
Caitlin Dykstra: Lacrosse?; I’m gonna say Lacrosse; $50 on Lacrosse; Any other takers?
Selena Chouinard: Jane gives soccer vibes; $50 that Jane is a secret soccer superstar
Jane Baker: This is very silly.
Selena Chouinard: Unless YOU are stuck at home with 3 diseased children, you do not get to judge where I find my joy, Mr. Landon Stackhouse
Caitlin Dykstra: I’m guessing that’s a soccer player?
Selena Chouinard: The best defenceman!
Cassie Boodram: $50 on baseball
Sophie Kong: Booo so American!; $25 that Jane is a skier or snowboarder; Sorry uni finances have me on a tight budget this month 😭
Lisa Hayes: I have no idea. Curling? Luge? Bobsledding?; Fuck it. I’m saying he’s a hockey player; Even though every hockey player I know would rather punch Ilya than kiss him
Kaye Boyle: So true!; $50 for basketball
Jane Baker: Okay, one of you is right.
Selena Chouinard: Mr. Stackhouse, it’s an honor!
Jane Baker: 😂

👑 VIP WAGs 👑

Cassie Boodram: Okay which one of you psychos sent me a fucking Noguchi table??
Selena Chouinard: It is too early for English; And yet you expect Japanese?
Caitlin Dykstra: I have no idea what that is
Sophie Kong: Isamu Noguchi was an American artist, furniture designer, and landscape architect.
Selena Chouinard: There is no way you knew that
Sophie Kong: I know it now!; From Wikipedia!
Jane Baker: Is it okay? My designer found it so quickly. I was a little suspicious.
Cassie Boodram: JANE??; IT WAS YOU???
Jane Baker: From the photos Ilya sent, you have a pretty established mid-century modern aesthetic.; You have a very nice setup, too.
Cassie Boodram: I am speechless
Jane Baker: I don’t think I can return it, but I can help resell!
Cassie Boodram: Fuck Z for knocking me up with a boy; Next baby will be named Jane; And the next; And the next
Jane Baker: That will get confusing very quickly.
Cassie Boodram: I finally have a love that rivals Zane’s affair with his grill
Sophie Kong: Wow that is true love!
Cassie Boodram: This baby will be flooding my instagram for the next month
Lisa Hayes: Hold on; Going back to that “my designer” thing; Jane, you have an interior designer??
Jane Baker: I do!; She’s amazing and also worked on Ilya’s place in Ottawa.
Cassie Boodram: Ha!; I visited Rozy’s place with Z, Selena, and Nick during training last season, and I knew it looked too nice for a hockey player.
Jane Baker: Training?; That was actually before my designer finished it.
Cassie Boodram: So who did that?
Jane Baker: That was me, actually!; A mix of stuff from a property I’d recently sold and my cottage.
Cassie Boodram: Jane, you fascinating creature; How dare Rozy keep you a secret for EIGHTEEN MONTHS
Jane Baker: That’s on me.; Sorry.
Lisa Hayes: Don’t worry about it!; Everyone should have the right to come out on their own terms.
Caitlin Dykstra: You’re one of us now, Jane; And that’s what matters!
Sophie Kong: You got fast-tracked to the VIP WAGs chat!; If that isn’t proof I don’t know what is; Cassie made me wait three months before I was let in
Cassie Boodram: Forgive me for being a little cautious around a 19 year old in a “serious” relationship!
Jane Baker: Ilya and I slept together for the first time when we were 19.; We were the polar opposite of “serious”.
Cassie Boodram: Everything you say is fascinating!

Rose Landry

Shane: I think they actually like me.
Rose: Of course they do!; Everyone likes you.; Except Boston; And Detroit; And a couple people in New York probably
Shane: Oh my god, Rose!
Rose: So who are we talking about exactly?
Shane: The Ottawa WAGs!
Rose: !!!; My plan is WORKING?
Shane: Of course it is. You’re a genius who only has brilliant ideas.; Except Kidnapped at Dawn; And Kidnapped at Dawn 2: Twilight; And a couple of the X-Squad spin offs probably
Rose: I cannot believe the WAGs are teaching you jokes now; I take it back. Leave the group chat immediately. What a bad influence; But also YAYYYYYYY; I’m so happy for you shane!; You deserve all the friends
Shane: Really, I don’t know how I can thank you enough.
Rose: It's what friends do!; No thanks necessary babe; But I will be in Montreal next week for X Squad nonsense - see you then??
Shane: Of course!

Chapter 2: So fetch.

Chapter Summary

Selena Chouinard
It’s like he has ESPN or something!

Jane Baker
I do? It comes with my cable package.

Chapter Notes

See the end of the chapter for notes

👑 VIP WAGs 👑

Cassie Boodram: Jane and Sophie happy new year!
Selena Chouinard: Bonne année!! Jane et Sophie!!!
Caitlin Dykstra: Happy New Year WAGs!
Sophie Young: Thanks! Happy new year to all!!
Kaye Boyle: Happy New Year Jane and Sophie; How are Montreal and Toronto?
Sophie Young: Its going fine; Small party with my parents and neighbors; At least they go all out for lunar new year in February
Jane Baker: Bonne année à tous!
Selena Chouinard: Tu parles français!! 😍
Jane Baker: Tout le monde parle français au Canada!
Selena Chouinard: Ni Cassie ni Kaye !; J’sais pas pourquoi
Jane Baker: Booooooo; Apprenez immédiatement!
Cassie Boodram: Jane why are you bustin out the french all of the sudden
Jane Baker: Mon ami JJ!; Il fait une grande fête pour la nouvelle année!
Caitlin Dykstra: Cassie can’t speak a word but the rest of us can get by; Is Jane’s version of white girl wasted just speaking french?
Jane Baker: I am not a girl!!!; Or white!!; Or wasted!!!!
Cassie Boodram: You seem pretty wasted; I’ve never seen you use that many explanation points 😂
Jane Baker: I dunno; Sometimes I feel more extroverted in French. Doesn’t make sense
Selena Chouinard: How funny!
Jane Baker: I guess it is?
Selena Chouinard: I’m the opposite; More extroverted in English!
Jane Baker: Oh!; That is funny!
Selena Chouinard: I think it’s because I spoke French at home and in school growing up; English was for fun times out of the house and when I skipped class 😂
Sophie Kong: Why don’t I get a cool alter ego when I speak Chinese??; Instead all I are lectures about how Dyl should’ve proposed to me by now 💀; DON’T AKS
Caitlin Dykstra: Wasn’t going to babe 😘
Jane Baker: Ilya thinks it’s sexy when I speak French.
Sophie Kong: I just gossip about all our friends in Chinese with Dyl; I don’t think he thinks it’s sexy 🥲
Selena Chouinard: But you have a secret language around your friends!; Which is much more fun; Trust me
Jane Baker: Ilya mostly mocks me in Russian.
Cassie Boodram: How rude!; Not in the bedroom I hope lol
Jane Baker: Considering the first thing he taught me was “get on your knees”, no I don’t think so
Selena Chouinard: JANE!!!
Caitlin Dykstra: Holy hell
Selena Chouinard: “Get on your knees” in a Russian accent💀
Cassie Boodram: Its official; WAG wine night during the next roadie!; We need to get Jane properly wasted!!
Jane Baker: Please don’t.
Caitlin Dykstra: Oh nooo you do not get to back out now
Jane Baker: I’m sorry!; I usually don’t drink during the season.; Christmas, New Years, the most I’ll have is like two beers.
Cassie Boodram: Boo you whore
Caitlin Dykstra: Sometimes I wish Evan would drink less; He’s impossible to deal with when he’s hungover
Sophie Kong: Dyl gets the asian flush so he gets all self conscious; While i don’t want him to feel bad; At least it keeps him from going as hard as everyone else; Thank god
Lisa Hayes: oh damn I missed so much; Happy new year everyone!!
Cassie Boodram: Where are you?
Lisa Hayes: With Tanner in the upstairs ensuite; Apparently the MD behind my name makes me therapist material???; Which, no it doesn’t; But it does mean I can’t leave Tanner to drown in his own puke
Caitlin Dykstra: On my way!
Lisa Hayes: Bring a mop
Caitlin Dykstra: Oh no
Lisa Hayes: Oh yes; His girlfriend; Michaela?; Michelle?; Misha?; Jesus christ I don’t fucking know broke up with him yesterday
Kaye Boyle: I’ve got the mop!
Selena Chouinard: Nick will drive him home; Lis come downstairs; You’ve done enough!
Lisa Hayes: I didn’t even get to kiss Wyatt at midnight 😭
Cassie Boodram: Ugh Tanner sucks so bad
Sophie Kong: If only he kept his sucking to the ice only 😒
Lisa Hayes: Sophie….
Sophie Kong: You know I’m right
Cassie Boodram: I personally love mean Sophie
Sophie Kong: Aw thanks Cassie!
Cassie Boodram: Jane’s been awfully silent; Hope the French party’s going well!
Lisa Hayes: Wait; Jane you know that’s a quote from a movie right?; Cassie’s last text to you?
Cassie Boodram: Who hasn’t seen Mean Girls??
Lisa Hayes: I don’t know; A professional male athlete in his 30s???
Cassie Boodram: Oh fuck; JANE I DIDN’T REALLY CALL YOU A WHORE; I’M SORRY!!!; I’M SO SORRY JANE!; YOU ARE NOT A WHORE!!!!!; I PROMISE NOBODY THINKS YOUR’RE A WHORE!!
Jane Baker: I’m in my late twenties.; And you are so lucky none of my friends can see all these texts calling me not a whore 😂
Lisa Hayes: Oh god this is worth all that vomit; I’m dying laughing
Cassie Boodram: Jane, I’m so sorry!!!; I wasn’t thinking 😭
Selena Chouinard: Sounds like we have our movie pick for wine night!
Jane Baker: Is it okay if I don’t drink wine?
Sophie Kong: Cassie is super pregnant so she’s not drinking anyway!; And I usually have a glass or two and then drink a Sprite for the rest of the movie but I’ll skip it this time; We can be long distance sober watchers since I’ll still be in Toronto for Winter Break thru Jan
Jane Baker: You don’t have to do that for me!
Sophie Baker: Im happy to! It’s my new years resolution to drink less anyway
Cassie Boodram: Jane I am still so sorry!
Jane Baker: It’s fine!
Selena Chouinard: On the plus side now Jane can say he has been personally victimized by Regina George
Lisa Hayes: 😂🤣😂🤣
Jane Baker: I’m guessing she’s a character from the movie?
Selena Chouinard: It’s like he has ESPN or something!
Jane Baker: I do. It comes with my cable package.
Lisa Hayes: Stop teasing him until he’s seen the movie for fuck’s sake!; Sel how many times have you seen it? You’re worrying me
Selena Chouinard: I’m a stay at home mom of three; The limit does not exist
Lisa Hayes: Oh fuck that; On my next day off we’re watching Into the Spider Verse
Selena Chouinard: I’m not a regular mom; I’m a cool mom, and I will sic my kids on you; Do not bring that spider man near my house

👑 VIP WAGs 👑

Caitlin Dykstra: Fuck Buffalo!
Kaye Boyle: Let’s go Cens!
Selena Chouinard: Allez! Allez! Allez!
Sophie Kong: Please keep me updated!; I have an exam tomorrow that I’m gonna fail if I don’t cram like hell tonight
Cassie Boodram: You can always follow our official Twitter!
Sophie Kong: I’d rather fail all my exams than wade back into hockey Twitter
Cassie Boodram: Fair enough!; Even though Harris is doing such a great job…
Kaye Boyle: Roz is in position for the face off
Jane Baker: Rozanov is going to win.
Caitlin Dykstra: Hell yeah he is!
Jane Baker: I’m not just hyping him.; Rozanov has won 62.9% of his face offs.
Caitlin Dykstra: Jane do you have all your boy’s stats memorized?
Jane Baker: Yes? But not just Rozanov’s!; Boodram has a very respectable 45% win and Dykstra is not bad at 42%; But Dykstra has done sub 200 faceoffs, so that number may not be as reliable.
Cassie Boodram: Holy shit
Caitlin Dykstra: Lisa you are going to be a rich, rich woman
Lisa Hayes: What?; What happened?
Caitlin Dykstra: Scroll up
Lisa Hayes: How did you know all that?
Cassie Boodram: Jane is such a hockey player
Caitlin Dykstra: Freak behavior that can only belong in a hockey locker room
Jane Baker: Maybe I just like numbers!
Caitlin Dykstra: There’s liking numbers and then there’s THAT; My dad is the biggest Centaurs fan; And he doesn’t know those kind of stats off the top of his head
Cassie Boodram: I am so impressed!
Caitlin Dykstra: Jane what was the last year the Cens made the playoffs?
Jane Baker: 2004
Caitlin Dykstra: Youngest person to win the Art Ross?
Jane Baker: Casey Hicks
Caitlin Dykstra: Who has the hardest shot this season?
Jane Baker: Shane Hollander from last year’s All Stars results.; But if you ask any goalie, they’ll say Rozanov.
Lisa Hayes: Can verify! Wyatt played against both, and he says he’d rather go up against Shane than Ilya any day.; Shane is consistently hard. When Ilya gets to the net, anything can happen.
Caitlin Dykstra: Highest SOG last season
Jane Baker: Rozanov (481); He definitely did this on purpose
Caitlin Dykstra: Highest SPCT this season
Jane Baker: Hollander (19.6%)
Caitlin Dykstra: Last three cup winners
Cassie Boodram: Booo what an easy question; Cup winner 1986, go
Jane Baker: The Montreal Voyageurs!; Won in 6 games against Detroit.
Selena Chouinard: Jane what the hell; You just know these things??
Jane Baker: Doesn’t anybody want to talk about the game?; Sophie asked for updates.
Sophie Kong: Screw that!; This is way more exciting; My turn!; Uhhhh; How many times has Canada won Olympic gold
Jane Baker: In hockey?
Sophie Kong: Duh
Jane Baker: 9 times, most recently in 2014.; NHL players were barred in 2018 and 2022, but I’m hopeful they’ll let them play in 2026, and we will win again!
Caitlin Dykstra: Alright, hard mode!; I have a signed Cens jersey from the Captain back in 2002. What’s his name?
Jane Baker: This is actually the easiest question.
Cassie Boodram: In what universe??
Jane Baker: Because I have the same jersey. Was it for their children’s hospital fundraiser?
Caitlin Dykstra: Shut up!!; Yes
Jane Baker: Adam Sheppard. I waited for 2 hours in line for it.
Caitlin Dykstra: I am freaking out!; I may have seen Jane in person??; And I didn’t even realize it? 😭
Jane Baker: I’m sorry?
Cassie Boodram: How does it feel to know that every VIP WAG is jealous of 12 year old Caity?
Caitlin Dykstra: I have no words
Jane Baker: If anybody is wondering, Rozanov just scored.
Caitlin Dykstra: Let’s fucking go!

Lily

Shane: I’m sorry about the game today.
Lily: It’s alright.
Shane: No, it’s not. But I can see how hard you’re trying.
Lily: I made you a promise not to win too many games
Shane: I was really hoping you’d break it tonight.
Lily: Me too
Shane: Is there anything I can do?
Lily: Not really
Shane: Do you want to talk about our fight at Christmas? I know we said we should wait until we’re in the same room, but we don’t have to if this is also weighing on you on top of everything else.
Lily: No I want to wait to talk about that; The team is getting there; Rome was not built in a week
Shane: No, it definitely wasn’t.; And my gladiator would know best, wouldn’t he? 😉
Lily: He would; That was actually the night
Shane: What are you talking about?
Lily: I decided to see a therapist that night
Shane: Because you fucked me dressed up as a gladiator??; Or was it the plug?; I don’t have to do that again if you didn’t like it.
Lily: It wasn’t the plug, Jane; That was so fucking hot; I thought I showed you how much?
Shane: I thought you did too! But then you bring up your surprise therapist, and I have no idea what’s happening anymore.
Lily: Galina. Her name is Galina.
Shane: Right, Galina.
Lily: The sex was fucking amazing; Like it always is with you; But was not fucking amazing to start crying in the middle
Shane: What the fuck?; You were crying?; And I didn’t FUCKING NOTICE?
Lily: I hid it
Shane: Can we facetime? I just need to see you.; You don’t have to talk or anything, if you’re not up for it.; Please?
Lily: Of course, mоя любовь

👑 VIP WAGs 👑

Cassie Boodram: Who’s going to the home game tonight?
Selena Chouinard: Count me in!; Maman will be babysitting
Kaye Boyle: I’m bringing the twins.; They’re so excited to stay up past their bedtime!
Sophie Kong: Me! Selena do you want to carpool?; I can be the designated driver this time
Selena Chouinard: You are a goddess, yes!; I’ll bring the good wine 😁
Lisa Hayes: It’s my sister’s bachelorette week this week, so I’m going to miss both home games 😭
Jane Baker: What is a bachelorette week?
Lisa Hayes: It’s insane!; I don’t know what is wrong with a simple bachelorette party anymore. Why is this a five-day thing now?
Jane Baker: That actually sounds like my worst nightmare.
Lisa Hayes: At least we’re staying in Canada; She wanted Los Vegas or the Caribbean but thankfully some of her friends are broke, so she is kindly slumming it in a 5-star hotel in Montreal
Jane Baker: At least you get to go to Montreal!; She picked a great city!
Caitlin Dykstra: Cassie you gotta kick him out for real; He hates Ottawa; He loves Montreal
Cassie Boodram: No Jane is staying; Z and I went to Montreal for our last anniversary!; Had a lovely time
Caitlin Dykstra: Can you even claim to be head WAG if you say things like that??
Cassie Boodram: Hey if anyone has the claim to head WAG it’s actually Jane
Jane Baker: I am not head WAG.; What the fuck?
Cassie Boodram: You’re the long term partner of the Captain!; Usually, they’re the ones to take on head WAG duties; Welcoming new members; Planning events; Designing and ordering team merch for family members; Things like that
Jane Baker: Oh god; I am so not equipped to do that.
Cassie Boodram: Lol I was not going to just dump all that on you and peace out; I might have to take a step back when the baby comes but I don’t mind doing it; Everyone else has an awful eye for design, so I HAD to do merch; Z loves BBQing for everyone, so most events happened at our place anyway; I think we all welcome new members though
Jane Baker: Okay that doesn’t sound too bad.; Maybe I could help out?
Cassie Boodram: You’re so sweet!; We can talk more in a few months, once you’ve spent more than two weeks with us
Caitlin Dykstra: Jane has only been here two weeks?; That can’t be right
Sophie Kong: Holy crap it is!; Feels like you’ve been one of us for much longer
Jane Baker: Thank you. I’m not sure what to say except that you’ve all been extremely welcoming and so kind. I never expected anything like this.; You don’t even know who I really am, but you’ve made me feel like I belong from the first day, and that has never happened before in my life. So thank you.
Cassie Boodram: I’m crying; But that might be all the pregnancy hormones
Selena Chouinard: I am not pregnant and I’m also crying
Caitlin Dykstra: We love you Jane!; (even if you have shit taste in cities)

Lisa Hayes

Shane: Hi Lisa! Hope you’re having a good time in Montreal!
Lisa: Why I am I still so hungover; It’s 2:30 in the afternoon
Shane: I don’t know how tight the schedule is with this bachelorette week, but do you guys have plans for tomorrow morning?
Lisa: Don’t remind me; I think we’re doing some kind of river cruise?; Just an excuse to drink more; I haven’t drank this much since med school
Shane: Oh good, they run those every day!; My friend is in town, and she has offered to give you guys a tour of the newest X Squad movie set, if your sister is a fan.
Lisa: WHAT THE FUCK
Shane: My friend says she should have a break around 11am to show you around, and then you can stay while they film!
Lisa: I am going to win sister of the year!!!; Suck it so hard Lola!; Lana LOVES the X Squad stuff.; Not more than Wyatt, but still a hardcore fan
Shane: Did your parents name you Lisa, Lola, and Lana?
Lisa: Yep; Obviously not our first choice, but we weren’t consulted
Shane: My best friend named all his kids after gemstones.
Lisa: So all I’m hearing is it could be worse 😂
Shane: I’ll tell my friend to expect you guys? How many are in the party?
Lisa: There are eight of us!
Shane: Great! I’ll let her know.
Lisa: If you weren’t a gay man I would kiss you so hard right now
Shane: Please do not do that.

👑 VIP WAGs 👑

Lisa Hayes: Jane, Lana will be naming her first child Jane; Wyatt and I don’t want kids but maybe we will have one just to name her Jane; Cassie, be ready to lead a new generation of Janes into the future!!!
Cassie Boodram: First you should drink some water!
Caitlin Dykstra: What did Jane do?
Lisa Hayes: He introduced me to ROSE LANDRY
Cassie Boodram: WHAT????
Lisa Hayes: YES
Cassie Boodram: NO
Lisa Hayes: YES
Caitlin Dykstra: Jane explain yourself!!!; Jane!; Jane!; Jane!
Lisa Hayes: Apparently they’re old friends!; So he asked her if she’d be down to give the bachelorette party a tour of the movie set!
Caitlin Dykstra: Jane!; Nooooo 😭; Where the fuck is he?
Lisa Hayes: No idea; But I am going to kiss Rozy on the mouth for bringing him into our lives
Jane Baker: Please do not do that either.
Lisa Hayes: JANE!; He lives!
Jane Baker: Sorry, I was watching the Montreal v New Jersey game.
Caitlin Dykstra: Forget Montreal; What is this about ROSE LANDRY?
Jane Baker: It’s like Lisa said. We’re old friends. I knew Rose was in town at the same time as Lisa, and I thought it would be a fun bachelorette activity.
Cassie Boodram: This is crazy
Jane Baker: And honestly Rose is always looking to spend time away from Hollywood people, so I knew she would love it.
Lisa Hayes: Very true!; After she signed ALL the merch for us, she left with Shane Hollander to go to the game!; She’s such a sweetheart!
Jane Baker: She really is!
Caitlin Dykstra: Is there any chance you got something for us in this merch haul? 👀
Lisa Hayes: Of course there is!
Caitlin Dykstra: Then we will also be naming our next kid Jane; Or dog, since I don’t know if we’ll be having another after Susie; Shit; That’s probably rude to Jane; Susie still isn’t sleeping through the night and I got like 3 hours of sleep😩; Sorry Jane!
Jane Baker: I think you guys are forgetting Jane is not actually my real name. 😁; Ilya would love it if more of the team got pets. Just make sure the dog doesn’t have black fur or brown eyes, and go ahead!
Lisa Hayes: Why not?
Jane Baker: Because I have black hair and brown eyes, and the chirping would literally kill me.
Caitlin Dykstra: No way Rozy chirps his boyfriend?? 💀
Jane Baker: Are you honestly surprised?
Lisa Hayes: Considering you are probably a hockey player, I guess not 😂
Caitlin Dykstra: It does explain why Jane calls him by his last name sometimes
Lisa Hayes: It does!
Jane Baker: It’s a hard habit to break by now.
Selena Chouinard: What’s this I read about Rose Landry??; Jane I didn’t think you were Rose Landry levels of famous!!
Jane Baker: Is anyone Rose levels of famous? Ha!; I was invited to a random event and so were some members of the X Squad cast, so we got to know each other by chance.
Selena Chouinard: So no pics of Jane on the red carpet 😒
Jane Baker: Nope, sorry!
Selena Chouinard: A shame!; But wait are Shane Hollander and Rose Landry back together?; Lisa tell me right now; I must know
Lisa Hayes: I don’t think so?
Selena Chouinard: No! 😭
Lisa Hayes: They did kiss on the cheek, but definitely la bise and not anything too sexy; Although Shane Hollander is unfairly sexy in person
Selena Chouinard: I’ve never seen him in person without all the hockey gear 🥲
Caitlin Dykstra: Maybe we can sneak into the camps? He can’t wear all the gear all summer long
Jane Baker: You know I am in this chat?; You don’t have to sneak anywhere. I can just tell Ilya to expect you.
Caitlin Dykstra: Oh shit
Jane Baker: Lisa visited a few times last summer! It wouldn’t be weird.
Selena Chouinard: That’s right!; Okay Caitlin, we’re ditching the husbands and spying on Shane Hollander; If they ask, its for hockey intel
Jane Baker: But he’s really not that interesting?
Caitlin Dykstra: Shut up; Have you seen him in person?; He was voted Cosmo’s sexiest hockey player two years in a row!
Jane Baker: Ilya was so mad when it happened the second time. 😂
Selena Chouinard: I was almost blinded by those pap shots of him and Rose Landry when they were dating; Its so unfair that people that pretty only date other people that pretty; Like please spread it out for the rest of us
Jane Baker: You followed that story?
Caitlin Dykstra: Selena was insufferable about it; We got hourly Hollandry updates in its heyday
Jane Baker: Hollandry?
Selena Chouinard: You do not know about Hollandry??
Jane Baker: I think I can figure it out from context.
Caitlin Dykstra: Selena was in the middle of her last pregnancy and the hormones got to her
Selena Chouinard: It’s a magical love story between a nice Canadian boy and an actress from Michigan!; So what if I was 8 months pregnant, testing my sugars like ten times a day, and stuck at home with a two year old and a five year old because I didn’t have a real job; That has nothing to do with true love.
Caitlin Dykstra: Selena was going through it
Cassie Boodram: We were all going through it!; We don’t leave any WAG to suffer alone
Caitlin Dykstra: Hell no!
Cassie Boodram: I definitely had to pry Selena away from the daytime television a couple of times
Selena Chouinard: I just know he was going to propose!!
Caitlin Dykstra: They dated for like 2 months
Sophie Kong: Oh is Selena back on her Hollandry shit again?
Selena Chouinard: What do you mean “again”?!; She still goes to his games!; They were spotted in LA last October!; Hollandry lives!!!
Jane Baker: They are definitely not together.
Selena Chouinard: JANE; You know Rose!; Are you sure??
Jane Baker: Very sure. They’re just best friends.
Lisa Hayes: I was getting pretty hard platonic vibes; Sorry to say
Selena Chouinard: Oh
Jane Baker: Are you really that invested in them being together?
Selena Chouinard: I guess not; It really was just a difficult pregnancy with the gestational diabetes and perinatal depression, and Hollandry was such a nice distraction; So I have fond memories
Jane Baker: Okay, I have an idea. Let me text Rose!
Selena Chouinard: Should I be scared?
Cassie Boodram: I mean, the possibility of getting a surprise $1,500 coffee table in the mail isn’t zero, so maybe?

Selena Chouinard

Selena: JANE, YOU MAGNIFICENT BASTARD
Shane: Wow! Rose works fast.
Selena: Please tell Rose Landry that I will love her forever and I want a copy of this video transcribed on my tombstone
Shane: Sorry I couldn’t get Hollander to do one.
Selena: Didn’t he win a hockey game two hours ago? He must still be partying with his team.; You are forgiven 🥰; I had no idea Rose was even on Fanmail!
Shane: She wasn’t as of an hour ago 😂; And I’m pretty sure she’s going to delete her account in about thirty minutes.
Selena: Please thank her for me. This was so nice of her!; And you!; For asking her to do this!
Shane: It was my pleasure!; Look, it was actually Rose who pressured me to join the chat in the first place. She had such a nice time with the Montreal WAGs, so she said I should try meeting you all first because I was nervous about coming out.
Selena: NO WAY
Shane: Rose is more than happy to do stuff for you and Lisa and the others. She knows how you guys have helped me and Ilya.
Selena: How? We’ve just bitched about our husbands’ property damage and made you recite hockey facts like a trained monkey. A very lovable, entertaining monkey, but Caitlin could have cooled it on the questions.
Shane: It’s so much more than that. Ilya can talk about “Jane” without any weirdness, and you make me feel included for just being me.
Selena: Shut up. I just finished crying!!
Shane: And I didn’t mind the questions at all. Most people get bored by that kind of thing.
Selena: Even your teammates?; Your coach?
Shane: It’s hard to tell. They’re all paid to listen.
Selena: Oh, Jane! I wish I could hug you right now
Shane: It’s okay.
Selena: It’s really not, but at least you have us now!
Shane: 💕

Lily

Shane: You played well today.
Lily: Not well enough
Shane: But you know you did, right? And I have a good feeling about Carolina.
Lily: They are ranked higher than us
Shane: But their power play is shit, and Kennedy was really favoring his left side during their last game against the Admirals. He’s probably still injured since he played through it.
Lily: This is all true
Shane: And Sheridan hates you.
Lily: Thank you for the reminder asshole
Shane: You like bets, right? I bet you can get him to throw gloves by the end of the second period.
Lily: I am listening; What are terms?
Shane: I’ll put in that plug again next time you see me, if you fuck him up for me by the end of second period.
Lily: No.; Is stupid bet
Shane: Okay.
Lily: You put plug in if I fuck him up during first period
Shane: Okay! 🥰
Lily: 😈
Shane: I’m about to get on the plane to DC, but I love you, mon coeur.
Lily: I love you too, mоя любовь; We’ll talk after Florida ❤️

Chapter End Notes

The first title I came up with for this story was Generation Jane 😂

Next chapter up on Wednesday!

Chapter 3: The best people you will ever meet

Chapter Summary

Selena Chouinard
THAT’S WHY HER HAIR IS SO BIG
ITS FULL OF SECRETS
Drink motherfuckers!

Jane Baker
Is this why Ilya’s hair is so big too? 😂

Chapter Notes

See the end of the chapter for notes

👑 VIP WAGs 👑

Cassie Boodram: Does anybody know anything??
Caitlin Dykstra: No!; Evan sent a few messages about plane trouble two minutes ago but that’s it
Kaye Boyle: I don’t care what my boss says; I'm taking the rest of the day off
Lisa Hayes: Fuck this department meeting!!; Have any of you heard from them?
Sophie Kong: No
Selena Chouinard: I called management but they’re fucking clueless
Cassie Boodram: Z’s call got cut off; I’m fucking dry heaving in the bathroom right now; This can’t be happening
Caitlin Dykstra: Cassie I’m coming over
Selena Chouinard: Fuck it; I’m going to wake Alice from her nap and we’re heading over too; I’ll bribe Henri with a hundred fruit pouches; Should I get Marie Hélène from school???
Caitlin Dykstra: Let her stay; One less problem for you to deal with right now
Kaye Boyle: I’m going to pick up Noah and Mel from school once we hear back; No point in doing it before; Be over in 10 Cassie!
Sophie Kong: Has anyone heard from Jane?; Jane
Caitlin Dykstra: No word from Jane
Selena Chouinard: I haven’t heard from him
Lisa Hayes: WYATT IS CALLING
Selena Chouinard: I just pulled over to answer a call from Nick
Cassie Boodram: They’re okay; They’re all okay; Oh my god
Selena Chouinard: The plane engine exploded!; What the fuck??
Caitlin Dykstra: Be there in 15 Cassie; I need a minute
Lisa Hayes: I think we all need a glass of wine and maybe a Xanax
Cassie Boodram: Party at mine; Since half of you are already on your way over lol

Lisa Hayes

Lisa: Hi Jane; It’s been a while and nobody has heard from you; Everything okay?; I thought I’d text instead of pinging you in the groupchat; Just in case it’s too much to talk to everyone
Shane: Thank you for checking in. I’m okay.
Lisa: It was a lot today.
Shane: I was in a fucking hockey game.; I was in a stupid hockey game when Ilya was falling out of the fucking sky.; I didn’t even check my phone until it was all over.
Lisa: I guess that’s better?; You weren’t panicking like the rest of us
Shane: I’m on a bus back to the hotel, and I can’t even call him because there’s no way I can keep a straight face in front of all my teammates.; If I start fucking bawling, they will laugh at me, and I will have to kill them all.
Lisa: They would laugh at you? For this?
Shane: Or think I’m crazy.; Why would I care about Ottawa? I have no connections there, as far as they know. I’m a fucking franchise player!; In fact, most of them would think I’d be happy if something happened to Ilya. They all hate him.
Lisa: Oh my god
Shane: I hate them sometimes.
Lisa: After learning this, I kind of hate them too.
Shane: I just really want to talk to Ilya. But all I can do is map our route back and watch as we run into every single traffic jam in this fucking city.
Lisa: How much longer?
Shane: 8 minutes.
Lisa: I have a stupid idea
Shane: I only have stupid ideas at the moment, so I’m all ears.
Lisa: Can I call you?
Shane: Okay, so I really don’t think that’s a good idea.
Lisa: You don’t have to say anything. But can I talk at you? I’m a pediatric oncologist. Not to sound too full of myself, but I’m pretty good at speaking to people after bad news. And I’m full of fun, gross medical stories.

👑 VIP WAGs 👑

Cassie Boodram: So movie night is scheduled for tomorrow; But pretty much everyone is here now except Jane and Sophie; OK with doing it tonight instead?
Sophie Kong: Let’s do it!; I could really use a distraction
Jane Baker: I told Rozanov I was going to spend the evening freaking out, and he told me to spend the night jerking off and sending him pictures instead.
Lisa Hayes: Wow
Jane Baker: Between freaking out, jerking off for two hours, or watching a movie, I’m going to pick the movie.
Caitlin Dykstra: Smart man!
Selena Chouinard: You can jerk off while watching the movie; You seem like a talented individual
Cassie Boodram: Selena! 😨
Selena Chouinard: I’m not telling him to film it and send it to US, for fuck’s sake!; All I’m saying is Rozy has had a hard time today; He could use a pick me up
Jane Baker: Thank you for the suggestion, Selena.; I will not be doing that.
Selena Chouinard: Lame!; I’ve already sent Nick a highlight reel of my best nudes
Cassie Boodram: SELENA.
Selena Chouinard: What?; I didn’t send them to THIS chat!
Lisa Hayes: I may have sent Wyatt a pic of my tits from your bathroom earlier; Sorry Cassie
Cassie Boodram: Y’all are terrible!
Caitlin Dykstra: Send the pics, Jane; Cassie’s just mad that Z doesn’t have a pregnancy kink
Selena Chouinard: Nick definitely did
Caitlin Dykstra: Same with Evan; Couldn’t get enough of me when I was pregnant with Susie
Kaye Boyle: Its alright Cassie!; Steve loved my pregnancy, but I felt like shit the entire time, so I was almost never in the mood
Jane Baker: Ilya sometimes talks about knocking me up, even though it is physiologically impossible.
Lisa Hayes: 😂
Selena Chouinard: Yes please tell us what else Ilya likes in bed
Jane Baker: Why??; Are you planning on sleeping with him?
Selena Chouinard: God no!; Sometimes I forget you’re a man; So you haven’t ever experienced the joy of girl talk!
Jane Baker: I have spoken with girls before.
Selena Chouinard: Listen up my young padawan
Lisa Hayes: You mock me for LotR but you casually drop “padawan” in a text?????; Make it make sense
Selena Chouinard: Harrison Ford.; End of sentence.
Jane Baker: She has a point, Lisa.
Lisa Hayes: No, do not encourage her!
Selena Chouinard: Too late!; Girl talk is all about gossiping about boys and talking about whatever other stupid shit everyone will judge you for saying
Jane Baker: So… the VIP WAG chat?
Caitlin Dykstra: He’s got you there Sel 😂
Selena Chouinard: Why do you all hate me??; All I want to know is everything ever that Jane and Ilya have done in bed ever?
Jane Baker: Oh my god, WHY?
Selena Chouinard: Because I’m a nosy bitch?? It’s not that deep
Cassie Boodram: Jane, you can’t see but I am hitting Selena right now
Selena Chouinard: She is killing me Jane!
Cassie Boodram: I mean it; Stop bugging Jane right now; He’s going to share what he wants to share
Selena Chouinard: Fine
Cassie Boodram: It’s not because I’m a prude (I’m not)
Lisa Hayes: You kind of are, Cass
Cassie Boodram: But because everyone has their own comfort level, which we should respect; And we value privacy here, as hopefully Jane knows! Jane can be private. It’s not a crime.
Sophie Kong: Aww you’re gonna be such a great mom Cassie!
Cassie Boodram: Thank you! 🥰
Kaye Boyle: That kid won’t know what hit him!
Jane Baker: Selena you get three questions. Choose well.
Cassie Boodram: Jane you do not have to do this!!
Jane Baker: I know.; But Selena is right; it’s really clear that I won’t be judged here.; And I’m always so cautious about sharing things about Ilya and me. It might be nice to be a little more open. That was the whole point of joining this chat, anyway!
Cassie Boodram: Don’t say I didn’t warn you
Lisa Hayes: Oh my god Selena is typing out hypothetical questions in her notes app
Selena Chouinard: Shut up Lisa!!!; I’m trying to be strategic!
Lisa Hayes: I’ve only ever seen you this passionate about your Bake Off bracket
Caitlin Dykstra: Lol she’s on question 11
Selena Chouinard: WAS THIS DAY NOT HARD ENOUGH ON ME???
Cassie Boodram: Apparently not 😂
Selena Chouinard: Jane ask Cassie about her sex life; I have questions to brainstorm
Cassie Boodram: Please do not ask
Jane Baker: I wasn’t planning on it!; Should we start the movie in the meantime? I have my ginger ale ready.
Kaye Boyle: An excellent idea!
Cassie Boodram: Okay everyone press play at 8:32
Sophie Kong: Look at baby Lindsay Lohan!
Lisa Hayes: How about we drink every time there’s a memorable quote?; So Jane will have a sensory memory along with the visual cue; And not think we call people whores out of nowhere
Cassie Boodram: Ugh don’t remind me
Caitlin Dykstra: Oh my god we’re gonna get so fucked up
Selena Chouinard: The most quotable movie in history!
Caitlin Dykstra: YOU WILL GET PREGNANT AND DIE; Drink!
Selena Chouinard: Jane first question!!!; How did you and Roz get together?
Jane Baker: We were doing a commercial together. After, we hit the showers, and he jerked off while staring at me.
Selena Chouinard: PAUSE THE FUCKING MOVIE
Caitlin Dykstra: Gross?; That seems kind of gross.; What if you weren’t into that?? I wouldn’t want to turn around and see some lady fingering herself in the next stall over
Jane Baker: And Rozanov being Rozanov, he couldn’t ask if I was into him like a normal person. I think he was waiting to see if I looked away or kept looking?; Anyway. You can guess what I did.
Lisa Hayes: Hell yeah we can!
Selena Chouinard: I wouldn’t have looked away either 👀
Cassie Boodram: Sigh; Yes we already knew that
Caitlin Dykstra: I’m restarting the movie!
Selena Chouinard: THAT’S WHY HER HAIR IS SO BIG; ITS FULL OF SECRETS; Drink motherfuckers!
Jane Baker: Is this why Ilya’s hair is so big too? 😂
Caitlin Dykstra: Lisa just SPAT OUT her wine!!
Lisa Hayes: I’m deceased
Jane Baker: Ilya is scary perceptive. He’s very certain he’s not the only not-straight player on the Centaurs, and I think he’s right.; And before you ask, I’m not naming names.
Selena Chouinard: SHUT UP
Kaye Boyle: What makes Ilya think this?
Jane Baker: He’s pretty sure the player likes your social media guy.
Cassie Boodram: Oh booooo; Everyone likes Harris!; He’s a sweetie pie
Selena Chouinard: You just like him because he hypes up BBQing with Bood
Cassie Boodram: He’s a genius; Not my fault if Harris recognizes Z’s talent and wants to broadcast it to the world 🤷‍♀️
Jane Baker: Ilya will watch other players’ fail compilations for HOURS to get enough details to chirp them right. He loves being up in everyone’s business.
Lisa Hayes: What a freak!; We love our captain obviously; But that is freak behavior
Jane Baker: He takes chirping so seriously. I really don’t get it. We’re hockey players! We play hockey!
Caitlin Dykstra: Oh you don’t get his niche hockey fixation?; Don’t make me quiz you on everyone’s stats AGAIN
Jane Baker: Stats help me strategize and incorporate other players’ strengths and weaknesses.
Caitlin Dykstra: And what about knowing the Lady Byng award winner from 2014?; How does that help the gameplay?
Jane Baker: That’s an outlier because Ilya presented the award that year.; Of course I remember it!
Sophie Kong: You remember an award Roz presented six years ago?; Not even won??
Cassie Boodram: Awwwww; It’s because Jane loooooves him!
Jane Baker: He presented it with Hollander.
Caitlin Dykstra: Oh I remember that one too actually!; They were funny together; Bad example; Mark Messier in 2016
Jane Baker: Okay but the contrast between Clarke winning in 2016 and Hunter in 2017 makes him hard to forget!
Selena Chouinard: Excuses, excuses Jane!
Lisa Hayes: Freak 4 freak behavior; You and Ilya are made for each other 😂
Jane Baker: And of course Ilya’s been keeping us a secret for ten years now.
Selena Chouinard: Who else knows about you?
Jane Baker: My parents, my best friend and his wife, Rose (Landry), you guys.
Selena Chouinard: As if we don’t know which Rose you’re talking about! 😂
Jane Baker: I hope you have a better one for question three 😏
Selena Chouinard: NOOOOOO; What?; That counted??!?
Caitlin Dykstra: Oh my god Jane!; Devious
Jane Baker: 😈
Sophie Kong: On Wednesdays we wear pink!; Drink up!
Caitlin Dykstra: I’m not a regular mom, I’m a cool mom; DRINK!
Sophie Young: I’m a mouse. DUH.; Drink!
Cassie Boodram: 4 for u glen coco; U go glen coco; Drink!!
Jane Baker: Who’s Glen Coco?
Cassie Boodram: No idea lol; They never come up ever again
Jane Baker: Is this what high school was like for girls??; This is really messed up.
Selena Chouinard: Not for me. I went to an all girls’ school; It was so much worse
Cassie Boodram: Oh yeah this is accurate
Kaye Boyle: Total opposite for me!; My school was smallish, and we all got along more or less
Sophie Young: More drugs and social media bullshit in my school
Caitlin Dykstra: It was like this in my experience!
Lisa Hayes: My school environment was more like Kaye’s; Limited drama, thank god
Jane Baker: This is what you meant by ESPN!; I get it now! 😂
Selena Chouinard: Drink up Jane!; And everyone else!
Cassie Boodram: BOO YOU WHORE; MY TIME HAS COME!!!
Jane Baker: My hotel room has a minibar with those tiny bottles.; I think I should actually drink for this one.
Cassie Boodram: Yes!!!; Do it!!!!!!; Drink for me Jane 🙏
Selena Chouinard: Oh my god, your high horse is looking pretty fucking short now, Cass; What was that about pressuring sweet, innocent Jane??
Jane Baker: I’m really not.
Cassie Boodram: Jane brought it up!
Selena Chouinard: JANE
Jane Baker: Yes?
Selena Chouinard: I can’t decide between asking what’s the freakiest thing you and Ilya have done in bed OR what’s something unexpected that nobody knows about Ilya; Everyone weigh in
Caitlin Dykstra: Freaky
Cassie Boodram: Unexpected
Kaye Boyle: Unexpected
Sophie Kong: Freaky!
Lisa Hayes: Freaky
Jane Baker: Fine.; One time, Ilya was stuck in traffic in a taxi on the way to my place. He talked me into almost coming twice over the phone. When he finally made it, he called me a slut, and I came all over his face, and he came all over me.; Freaky enough?
Selena Chouinard: If I say no, will you tell us something else 👀
Jane Baker: No.
Selena Chouinard: Then, it’s freaky enough!; It’s also fucking hot
Sophie Kong: 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼
Caitlin Dykstra: I obviously don’t like being called whore or slut; But I do call Evan Daddy when I want him to hurry the fuck up and and come already; Gets him every time 🥵
Selena Chouinard: No judgement here!; I only judge if you have a thing for feet
Cassie Boodram: Do I need to hit you again?
Selena Chouinard: No, no, hear me out!; We’re all with hockey players; Their feet are NASTY
Lisa Hayes: I make Wyatt get a pedicure with me every month for that very reason
Caitlin Dykstra: Cassie I love you; But i’m with Selena on this one
Jane Baker: Feet do not do it for me or Ilya!; I once refused to video chat him for a week after he left a pile of his dirty socks on my bedroom floor for a whole weekend. Disgusting.
Sophie Kong: I would pass out if I had to smell Dyl’s post-practice feet; EW!!!
Caitlin Dykstra: Jane very important question
Jane Baker: Yes?
Caitlin Dykstra: Are you famous enough to be on wiki feet?
Jane Baker: I really don’t want to know what that is.
Lisa Hayes: 😂
Caitlin Dykstra: It’s a collection of famous people’s feet!
Jane Baker: God, I hope I’m not in there. I really don’t like the idea of people using pictures of my feet for… things.
Caitlin Dykstra: Oh my god you can’t say “porn” after telling us you came all over Rozy’s face; Never change Jane!!!
Cassie Boodram: HELL NO I DID NOT LEAVE THE SOUTH SIDE FOR THIS!!; Drink the fuck up!
Jane Baker: What the hell is happening?
Lisa Hayes: Hormones
Cassie Boodram: Chaos
Selena Chouinard: Girlhood
Kaye Boyle: You guys! 😂
Jane Baker: Personally victimized by Regina George!; Do we drink?
Caitlin Dykstra: Hell yes we do!
Shane: Fuck it. I’ve been thinking about it for twenty minutes.; Something unexpected: 90% of Ilya’s instagram are photos of us.
Selena Chouinard: WHY DO YOU HATE ME JANE 😖; We are at the climax of the movie!!!
Lisa Hayes: Now you’ve done it; Everyone’s looking at their phones now 😂
Cassie Boodram: I just paused the movie
Sophie Kong: Thank god cause I haven’t been watching for the past two minutes
Selena Chouinard: The loon tattoo? The trophy room?? The toy heart ring???; He doesn’t have kids, so I thought that one was weird when he posted it; Jane please don’t leave me hanging like this; Have mercy
Jane Baker: He got the tattoo for me.; At my cottage, he heard a loon for the first time and thought it was a fucking wolf! He was terrified until I told him what it was. We laughed for ages.
Caitlin Dykstra: STOP; Oh my god seriously??
Jane Baker: The trophy cabinet has a CCM helmet in the far right corner. I’m pretty sure it’s from that photoshoot we did when we were kids.
Kaye Boyle: This is too cute; Who knew Rozy was such a softie?
Jane Baker: He does hide it very well!; I had no idea until, like, six years in.
Cassie Boodram: Y’all are insane; In a good way!; But your whole thing is wild
Jane Baker: You’re telling me. 😂
Caitlin Dykstra: That last thirst trap from November is pretty obvious 🥵
Jane Baker: He took it after we won against a division rival. Called it my “reward” for playing a good game.
Kaye Boyle: What an incentive!
Jane Baker: We did win my next game, so I’d say so!; It did happen to be against the Centaurs, but I made sure Rozanov didn’t have too many hard feelings 🤭
Cassie Boodram: NO; JANE; NO NO NO NO NO
Caitlin Dykstra: Wait; Wait; You’ve played against the Cens?
Jane Baker: Yes?; I figured you all knew I was a hockey player by now.
Selena Chouinard: Un traître parmi nous!!!; We trusted you!!
Jane Baker: This really can’t be news.
Lisa Hayes: I have no idea why this is just hitting them now; It occurred to me weeks ago
Kaye Boyle: Same!
Selena Chouinard: I am too drunk for this
Cassie Boodram: I am not!!; What the hell Jane!
Jane Baker: Hey! It’s my job!
Caitlin Dykstra: Hold on; If you’ve played against the Cens; Have we met you before?
Jane Baker: I don’t know what you all look like, so I can’t say for sure, but it’s very likely. Probably?
Sophie Kong: Sad that “teams that beat us” really doesn’t narrow down the options 😭
Caitlin Dykstra: My brain is exploding
Selena Chouinard: Mine too
Cassie Boodram: I’m gonna throw up

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Cassie Boodram: Z says Rozy didn’t show up for practice today; Jane do you know if he’s sick or something?; He’s not answering his phone either
Jane Baker: Whoops! Sorry about that; Ilya’s with me.; He’s fine! A little tired, but fine 😄
Selena Chouinard: He’s with you right now??
Cassie Boodram: You’re in Ottawa?
Jane Baker: Just until this evening. Then I have to head back for morning practice.
Cassie Boodram: Drive safe!
Caitlin Dykstra: So we should expect the good captain to be in a good mood tomorrow?
Jane Baker: The fucking best mood, if I have anything to say about it.
Selena Chouinard: Fuck yeah, get it Jane!!

Lily

Shane: Is it a bit pathetic to say I miss you already?
Lily: Of course not!; You are in good company; With the whole city of Boston
Shane: Oh fuck off!
Lily: You love me 🥺
Shane: Fuck me, I do; So much.
Lily: Ah I already fucked you three times yesterday; Already looking for more?
Shane: Jesus Christ. Always.
Lily: I miss you too, mой календарь
Shane: My calendar?
Lily: You will be fluent in no time!
Shane: That is so not true.; I told the WAGs I was in Ottawa earlier today.
Lily: Bood said you texted them after he apologized for interrupting our “sexcapades”; I did not know this word; How did I not know this word
Shane: Because it’s not real??
Lily: Our sexcapades are real!
Shane: You’re sidetracking me.
Lily: From what?; What boring thought could be more important than our sexcapades???
Shane: I was saying that I was in Ottawa and none of them asked to meet me.
Lily: They do not want to make you feel like you had to; Is obvious
Shane: But what if they don’t actually want to meet me?
Lily: Hollander you cannot be serious
Shane: It’s weird, right? We’ve been friends, or I thought, for almost a month now.; I thought at least one of them would have asked! In a no pressure kind of way.
Shane: What are you doing
Lily: How do you know I am doing anything??; Why so suspicious 🙄
Shane: Because I know you!; You stopped texting for five minutes in the middle of our conversation.; You are up to something
Lily: You know nothing
Shane: What did you do??
Lily: I asked Cassie if she did not want to see you
Shane: Oh my god why did you do that?
Lily: Because you are being stupid; Cassie said she would give up her first born child to meet you; Do you want it?
Shane: No!!
Lily: Good; I do not want you to be a single mother
Shane: For fuck’s sake.
Lily: Although you will not be single for much longer, мой жених
Shane: I don’t know that one.
Lily: My fiancé 😍
Shane: Oh!; Do you want to call and hear me try to say it in my awful Russian accent?

Chapter End Notes

Next chapter up on Friday!

Chapter 4: I can’t help that I’m popular

Chapter Summary

Lily
Did you not plan for Los Angeles traffic?
Are you being kidnapped?!

Shane
Shut up.

Lily
Text first lines of O Canada if you need help

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Caitlin Dykstra: Holy hell the boys are on fire!!!
Sophie Kong: 🔥🔥🔥
Jane Baker: I am so proud of them for beating the Admirals!
Selena Chouinard: I never thought this day would happen
Jane Baker: Scott Hunter is a beast, and Carter Vaughn is one of the best RW in franchise history. Their coaches are probably shitting themselves. 😁
Caitlin Dykstra: Omg did you see Hunter’s face at the buzzer?
Jane Baker: It’s because Rozanov made him a bet for free drinks at the bar Hunter owns through the rest of the season.
Lisa Hayes: Oh no; Poor Scott 😂
Sophie Kong: Is Roz friends with Scott Hunter?
Jane Baker: If you ask Hunter, no.; If you ask Ilya, also no.
Cassie Boodram: And if we ask Jane?
Jane Baker: They’re totally friends.
Lisa Hayes: Stoppppp 😂; Ruining Roz’s reputation one text at a time
Jane Baker: He literally goes to the Kingfisher EVERY TIME he’s in New York. I don’t know who he’s fooling.; Hunter, probably, since there’s no way he doesn’t need glasses and hearing aides at his age.
Sophie Young: Isn’t he like 34?
Jane Baker: Some people just peak early 🤷
Cassie Boodram: Sounds like SOMEONE has been spending a lot of time with the chirpiest player on the Cens 😏
Jane Baker: It is true.; I have been spending a lot of time with Holmberg recently.
Sophie Kong: I burst out laughing in the middle of the library!; Fuck oh fuck
Selena Chouinard: Thank god my kids are asleep and didn’t see me walk into the bathroom door

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Cassie Boodram: Who’s going to the game today??
Selena Chouinard: Why the fuck are you awake
Cassie Boodram: Why are YOU awake??
Selena Chouinard: You texted!; And my beloved first born child had THREE nightmares last night
Lisa Hayes: Do you need a recommendation for a sleep doctor?
Selena Chouinard: I need a recommendation for an adoption center
Cassie Boodram: You want a fourth????; Seriously?
Selena Chouinard: No I would rather rip out my uterus myself; I need an adoption center that takes drop offs!; Why are YOU awake Lisa?
Lisa Hayes: I’m on shift for two more hours; I think I’m being punished for taking 4 days off for that bachelorette BS; I swear I haven’t worked this much since I was a resident; And we’re so understaffed the nurses are threatening a strike; Last week I started seeing colors
Cassie Boodram: What?; Are you color blind?; How did I not know this??
Lisa Hayes: No I’m not colorblind jesus christ; I meant seeing SOUNDS; I need a real vacation; Or a 5 day nap
Jane Baker: There is no game today that I know of.
Cassie Boodram: Yes there is!; Against Tampa Bay
Lisa Hayes: Cassie that was two days ago
Cassie Boodram: No it wasn’t!
Jane Baker: Cens won 5-3.; Bood got a great unassisted goal in mid-3rd period to tie it up, and then Haas scored with an assist from Dillon to clinch it.
Cassie Boodram: What the fuck
Selena Chouinard: I don’t remember all that; But we definitely played Tampa on Tuesday
Cassie Boodram: Am I insane?
Selena Chouinard: You’re pregnant; Brain fog is normal
Cassie Boodram: I repeat: what the fuck; I literally have zero memory of that game
Lisa Hayes: We are in the middle of a very unexpected 4 game winning streak; All the matches are kind of blending together for me
Jane Baker: It’s a 5 game winning streak, actually.; New York, Utah, Detroit, Columbus, Tampa.
Lisa Hayes: Fuck me; Maybe I’m also going insane
Selena Chouinard: Don’t worry about it Cassie; During my last pregnancy, I forgot my own birthday
Cassie Boodram: It did make the surprise party a lot easier to plan 😂
Caitlin Dykstra: Why are you all awake??
Selena Chouinard: CAITLIN; Why are YOU awake?
Caitlin Dykstra: We started sleep training Susie this week; At night she hates being asleep; During the day she hates being awake; Its going great 😭
Selena Chouinard: Godspeed soldier mama; My kid has wake-up screaming nightmares, so nobody’s sleeping in my house; Cassie’s super preggers
Lisa is on a 84 hour shift
Not sure what Jane’s deal is
Jane Baker: I just got back from my morning run.
Selena Chouinard: So Jane is actually the only insane one here; Good to know
Sophie Young: Hi
Selena Chouinard: Sophie!; Join us!!!
Caitlin Dykstra: Please tell me I blinked and 3 hours passed; Sophie why
Sophie Young: Pulled an all-nighter for a quiz today 😔
Cassie Boodram: I can’t believe we all live like this
Selena Chouinard: Not Kaye; I bet she’s sound asleep with an eye mask, in comfortable pajamas, with a perfectly calibrated heater; What a bitch
Kaye Boyle: Good morning everyone! 😂
Cassie Boodram: Eat my shorts

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Caitlin Dykstra: Hey did any of you get any weird Instagram follows recently
Selena Chouinard: Rose Landry followed me last week; I think I cried for 20 minutes
Cassie Boodram: I don’t think so?; Nothing new on mine
Sophie Kong: Hollander followed me yesterday while I was in Ops MGMT 102; Dyl nearly shat himself when I showed him
Lisa Hayes: 😂
Sophie Kong: Hollander is his favorite player!!; There aren’t a lot of other Asian Canadian hockey legends out there; It’s just kinda him; Anyway, I already asked Harris for any extra Dyl content to spam my feed; Manifesting that Hollander will follow him too 🙏
Caitlin Dykstra: Send a few my way; We’ll make it happen!; Because Shane Hollander followed me too; What the fuck
Selena Chouinard: What??; He follows both of you?
Kaye Boyle: Not me 😔
Selena Chouinard: That’s because you only use LinkedIn!!!
Lisa Hayes: He doesn’t follow me
Jane Baker: Not me either?
Selena Chouinard: Nobody knows about you!; Everybody knows about me!! I’ve been a Cens WAG longer than anyone except Cassie 😭
Caitlin Dykstra: Want me to DM him for you?
Selena Chouinard: NO; That’s so embarrassing!!; What the hell is wrong with my content????; Hell, Caitlin’s isn’t even public!; This is so unfair!
Sophie Kong: Selena’s crash out aside; Does anyone know WHY he chose to randomly follow two Cens WAGs
Caitlin Dykstra: A stroke?
Sophie Kong: I was thinking he was hacked
Kaye Boyle: Temporary insanity?
Selena Chouinard: Speak for yourselves; My Instagram is a carefully coordinated masterpiece
Caitlin Dykstra: Jane Ilya is friends with him; Has he mentioned anything??

Rose Landry

Shane: Help!!
Rose: hi Shane; How are you today; I’m doing fine; Thank you for asking!
Shane: Rose.
Rose: 😁
Shane: I accidentally followed two of the Cens WAGs on Instagram because they’d asked me if I’d ever met them before. But I didn’t honestly remember, so I looked them up. But now they’re all freaking out that Shane Hollander followed them out of the blue. They’re all suspicious and asking me if I know anything!!
Rose: Your life 😂
Shane: This is not helpful!
Rose: What’s the problem?; You didn’t follow all of them like a weirdo
Shane: They’re asking if I know anything!
Rose: That’s easy??; Just say you don’t
Shane: But I don’t want to lie to them.
Rose: You kind of already are?; Lies of omission are still lies
Shane: Yeah, I guess I already am.; I just don’t like thinking about it like that.
Rose: Totally understandable!; Just tell them you don’t know anything and LEAVE IT.; Don’t elaborate; Let the conversation move on
Shane: Got it 👍; God, Rose, I have no idea what I would do without you.
Rose: Crash and burn probably
Shane: Probably 😂
Rose: And; Well; You don’t have to keep lying to them you know
Shane: I know.
Rose: It’s okay if you’re still scared!; But hopefully less scared than before?
Shane: Yeah, way less than before.
Rose: That’s good!; And things are good with Lily?
Shane: They’re amazing actually.
Rose: Hell yeah! You deserve all the amazing things.
Shane: Thank you so much. I feel a little bad. It seems like I’m always running to you with my problems.
Rose: Well if I have a problem that requires the deadliest wrist shot in the NHL I know who to call!
Shane: Hey, I can help with more than that!
Rose: good cause I was gonna text Lily about the wrist shot thing 😁
Shane: Oh fuck you!
Rose: But like you know this isn’t transactional for me right?; I’m not gonna get mad or anything if I help you out more than you help me for a little bit
Shane: Yes, I know.
Rose: Real believable Shane 🤭
Shane: Okay, I know that now!
Rose: And I like helping you!; Makes me feel smart 😊
Shane: Wait, is someone making you feel stupid?
Rose: Woah back away from the hockey sticks, hockey boy
Shane: Rose.
Rose: It’s nothing
Shane: Rose!!
Rose: I’m overreacting
Shane: I overreact to literally everything.; Tell me.
Rose: There’s nothing you can do
Shane: I can listen!
Rose: The director wants me to do this underwater stunt; And, look, I grew up on Lake Huron; I can swim. I’m a great swimmer; Especially since Brian almost drowned when he was eight. My parents made sure we all could swim in any water after that; But for this stunt I have to be dragged underwater for like 90 seconds; And a good chunk of it are close ups, so they can’t use a stunt double
Shane: This sounds dangerous.
Rose: It’s not!; The director told me that they’ll teach me how to hold my breath; And they assign each actor a safety diver who carries a regulator and oxygen tanks; And they have a special underwater DP to supervise and coordinate since we’ll be 30 ft below
Shane: But you’re still scared of drowning?
Rose: Maybe
Shane: Is it in your contract that you have to do this?
Rose: I have a reputation of doing my own stunts; I’ve done all of them so far in this film!; But they just finished building the tank, so we haven’t done any water stuff yet
Shane: Rose. Is it in your contract?
Rose: No
Shane: Good. Don’t do it.
Rose: I don’t want to be difficult
Shane: You’re not being difficult. You’re being reasonable.
Rose: I just told you how unreasonable I’m being!; It’s going to be perfectly safe
Shane: Rose, if you’re being dragged, there’s a chance you could hit your head UNDERWATER. Equipment can fail. Supervisors can look away at critical moments.; Take it from me, concussions are no fun. I’ve seen visors crack and sticks break apart. And do not get me started on refs that miss things right in front of their own damn noses, and their whole job is to watch us.
Rose: I really don’t want to be difficult
Shane: I really don’t want my best friend to drown.
Rose: You’re playing dirty
Shane: I don’t care.
Rose: What if he tells everyone that I’m a wimp?; I can’t be the actress who doesn’t want to get her hair wet
Shane: You just said you’ve done all the other stunts so far.
Rose: I guess
Shane: One stunt will not wreck your reputation.
Rose: It could! Hollywood is awful like that.
Shane: Didn’t you do most of your stunts in the X Squad movies? I definitely saw that in an interview.
Rose: Aw, you watched my interviews?
Shane: Yeah, for a few hours before our first date.
Rose: Oh my god shane!!!
Shane: I’m sorry?
Rose: You did homework before our first date 😭; You are too cute
Shane: I wasn’t sure what we would talk about! I needed ideas!
Rose: TOO CUTE

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Lisa Hayes: Holy 8 game streak, Batman!!!!
Sophie Kong: Have we ever done this??
Caitlin Dykstra: NO WE HAVE NOT; Longest franchise streak is 6 games!
Selena Chouinard: Vive les Cens!
Jane Baker: Montreal in two days though!
Caitlin Dykstra: And we will kill them too!!
Jane Baker: You can try.
Cassie Boodram: Hold on; Are you rooting for Montreal?
Jane Baker: Yes!
Caitlin Dykstra: But Adam Sheppard??; Cens 2004 playoff run?; DO THESE THINGS MEAN NOTHING TO YOU?
Jane Baker: The Centaurs were my team as a child. Now I am a fully grown adult, I know better.; Olé, Olé, Olé!
Cassie Boodram: Come on
Caitlin Dykstra: Did you hear him??
Sophie Kong: Its not forever right?
Caitin Dykstra: I dunno; Like 10 mins maybe

Cassie Boodram

Cassie: Don’t freak; Caitlin just wants to put you in time out; In ten minutes she’ll let you back in
Shane: Got it
Cassie: If you’re actually pissed, I’ll add you back right now!
Shane: No, let Caitlin have her fun.; Montreal will have the last laugh!
Cassie: Okay you deserve this 😄

👑 VIP WAGs 👑

Caitlin Dykstra: Okay now we know Jane’s team is playing I have to go see them get crushed in person; Who’s going?
Sophie Kong: Im in!
Cassie Boodram: Depends on how nauseous I’m feeling
Kaye Boyle: Lots of love Cassie! The last month is always the worst; I have a conference in Montreal (ironic I know) starting tomorrow, so I can’t make it
Selena Chouinard: I’m going!
Lisa Hayes: I’ll be there!; Kristy, Eve, and Isaac are coming to cheer the Cens too!; Booooo Montreal!
Jane Baker: I’m glad you’re all going!; The team will need their partners to comfort them in their hour of need.
Caitlin Dykstra: I liked you better when you didn’t chirp us 😡
Cassie Boodram: He’s with Ilya Rozanov; The chirping was only a matter of time
Lisa Hayes: Cassie as always with the logic

👑 VIP WAGs 👑

Cassie Boodram: I think I broke my ankle; Are you kidding me??
Selena Chouinard: Ten minutes before the game?
Cassie Boodram: I slipped on ice in my driveway 😭; Stupid pregnancy; Can’t see my own fucking feet
Lisa Hayes: Oh no Cassie!; Hospitals are the worst 💀; Need me to make any calls?; If you’re at the Ottawa Hospital I know people
Cassie Boodram: I’m ok; I hoped it was a bad sprain and I could be out of here before second period but the Drs aren’t sure; And with the pregnancy they have to do so many extra tests and stuff; I’m waiting on an x ray now but I heard there was a bad car accident so I got bumped down the list; At least they’re playing the pre game show in the ER
Jane Baker: Hope you get better soon!
Cassie Boodram: Please entertain me; The guy next to me in the ER smells really bad
Sophie Kong: We’ll do our best! 🫡
Jane Baker: Sorry Cassie but I’ll be no help.; My mom has a strict no phones policy during games.
Caitlin Dykstra: What the hell?
Jane Baker: She likes to dissect the plays in real time and predict next period strategy during the commercial breaks.
Caitlin Dykstra: So I’m learning Jane’s hockey IQ is inherited 😂
Jane Baker: The first time Ilya met her, he said, and I quote, “Now I know where you get it.”
Sophie Kong: 😄
Selena Chouinard: I wish my parents cared about hockey; They can only recognize the Cens logo because it’s so ugly
Cassie Boodram: They’re not wrong!
Sophie Kong: Here come the boys!; They’re getting ready for the face off; Hollander looks so serious; Rozy is already running his mouth
Caitlin Dykstra: Classic Rozy
Cassie Boodram: Classic Rozy
Lisa Hayes: We love our captain!
Cassie Boodram: Booo; Hollander wins the face off
Selena Chouinard: He did not have that puck for long!; Go Roz go!
Caitlin Dykstra: A goal already??; Is Miitka asleep in the net?
Cassie Boodram: 19:27 left on the clock; Not even a minute in!!!
Caitlin Dykstra: Where were the defencemen?
Lisa Hayes: Asleep with Miitka
Caitlin Dykstra: 😂
Cassie Boodram: Hollander looks very mad
Lisa Hayes: I would too if my team fell apart in the first minute!
Cassie Boodram: Ouch! That looks like it hurt
Lisa Hayes: Poor Pike; Roz looks so pleased with himself
Caitlin Dykstra: What do you mean poor Pike??; He’s the enemy!
Lisa Hayes: First Roz spends this morning roasting “Montreal’s 15th best player” on Twitter and then he does this during the game 🪦
Caitlin Dykstra: That’s a miss!; Damn; You’ll get it next time Bood!
Cassie Boodram: Aw fuck
Selena Chouinard: Where the hell did Hollander come from?
Caitlin Dykstra: From thin air; As always
Cassie Boodram: Better luck next time Hollander!!; And by next time I mean in your next game 😎
Caitlin Dykstra: Bood score!!!; Hell yeah Cassie!!
Cassie Boodram: That’s my man!; He was just warming up before 😁
Selena Chouinard: Hollander has the puck AGAIN
Lisa Hayes: WYATT SAVES IT!!!; What a beautiful save baby
Cassie Boodram: You’d better give him a kiss for every shot blocked
Lisa Hayes: He’s definitely getting more than that if the game keeps going like this 😉
Caitlin Dykstra: Roz is on a fucking tear; I forgot how he gets against Montreal
Cassie Boodram: You’d think he’d maybe go easier now he’s friends with Hollander; But no
Caitlin Dykstra: Not at all!!
Selena Chouinard: Barrett assist; Rozy goal!!!
Cassie Boodram: Are we seriously 2-0 at the end of the first period?; Someone pinch me
Lisa Hayes: Aren’t you in enough pain?
Cassie Boodram: Emotionally, yes; Physically, no; They gave me Tylenol which is taking the edge off; God I wish I could be there
Sophie Kong: And that’s the buzzer!
Caitlin Dykstra: What beautiful last minute save by Wyatt; Get fucked Pike!
Lisa Hayes: Any update on the x ray?
Cassie Boodram: Nope
Lisa Hayes: Sorry! Doctors are the worst!
Caitlin Dykstra: You would know 😂
Cassie Boodram: Second period let’s goooooo
Selena Chouinard: Hollander is so damn fast
Cassie Boodram: Jesus that goal came out of nowhere; It’s like he saw how fast Roz scored in the first period and was like “hold my beer”
Sophie Kong: Wait whats the penalty for??
Caitlin Dykstra: Roughing; Looked like Rozy was trying to put Hollander through the boards
Cassie Boodram: Annnnnnd Montreal fumbles the power play; Wow; Oh no that shot of Roz in the penalty box 😂
Lisa Hayes: FREE HIM!!!!!
Cassie Boodram: He’s free!
Lisa Hayes: And out for blood lol
Caitlin Dykstra: Oh woah what the hell was that?
Cassie Boodram: Comeau fucking tripped him!; And off to the penalty box he goes
Lisa Hayes: Come on boys; Don’t fuck up the power play like Montreal just did
Caitlin Dykstra: Fuck yes!!!; That’s how it’s done!; Rozy goal!
Sophie Kong: Halfway through and we still have the lead!
Caitlin Dykstra: Luca goal !!!; Look at Rozy; So proud of his rookie baby
Sophie Kong: Adorable!
Cassie Boodram: ANOTHER penalty?
Caitlin Dykstra: More roughing; Ugh
Cassie Boodram: Montreal is not happy about lagging behind us this whole game 😂; They’re fighting dirty; Hollander does not look pleased
Caitlin Dykstra: Of course he doesn’t!; He’s losing 😁
Sophie Kong: Power play over; Get him Dyl!!!
Lisa Hayes: Great defense work Young!
Sophie Kong: 😎
Caitlin Dykstra: Rozy has the puck
Cassie Boodram: Five minutes left; Think we can get it 4-2?; Rozanov hat trick maybe???
Caitlin Dykstra: Rozy does not have the puck 🥲
Caitlin Dykstra: I believe we CAN dream that big; Oh wow that was fast
Cassie Boodram: Holy shit how the hell did Wyatt do that?
Lisa Hayes: That’s my man!
Caitlin Dykstra: And Roz is fucking sprinting down the ice holy crap
Sophie Kong: ROZANOV HAT TRICK!!
Cassie Boodram: Oh fuck oh fuck; They’re telling me its x ray time
Lisa Hayes: Did you tell them third period is starting in a minute???
Cassie Boodram: See you on the other side!

👑 VIP WAGs 👑

Cassie Boodram: Out of the hospital and on the way home!; What happened?; Why is the chat dead??
Lisa Hayes: Good news: we won!; 5-3 Cens!!!; Baffling news: Shane Hollander gave Caitlin the game puck
Sophie Kong: Caitlin is still in shock 😂
Selena Chouinard: We’re all very confused; He stole it from Roz too!
Cassie Boodram: What?
Lisa Hayes: Yeah! Hollander grabbed it, skated past us, waved, and threw her the puck; Great aim, no surprise there
Selena Chouinard: He is a very pretty man; Up close
Cassie Boodram: WTF; First the Instagram thing; Now this??
Selena Chouinard: Does he have a crush?
Cassie Boodram: On Caitlin???; He should know she’s taken!
Sophie Kong: He’s my hallpass though 😅
Selena Chouinard: NO SOPHIE
Sophie Kong: Did I make a bad choice?; No I did not
Lisa Hayes: Obviously not; But you’re not supposed to choose people you could actually meet!
Sophie Kong: I had no idea Hollander and Roz would become friends!!
Cassie Boodram: That’s not on Sophie; Nobody saw that one coming
Caitlin Dykstra: He’s not my hallpass; But my bedroom at my parents’ house still has his poster above my desk so I get you Soph 😂; I’m keeping this puck forever; To memorialize our NINE GAME WINNING STREAK!!!; Not because I love Shane Hollander; Obviously
Selena Chouinard: Okay I’m looking up Hollander’s jerseys on Ebay; Between that, the puck, and the poster, you have the makings of a proper shine, Cait!
Caitlin Dykstra: Selena please
Selena Chouinard: It’s only $100!
Caitlin Dykstra: I am not paying for it
Jane Baker: I will!
Selena Chouinard: YES JANE
Caitlin Dykstra: I’m keeping the puck; I’m not buying the jersey; Fuck you all
Jane Baker: We’ll make a Montreal fan out of you yet!
Caitlin Dykstra: I’d rather die
Jane Baker: After Shane Hollander was so nice to you?
Caitlin Dykstra: Maybe this is some kind of psychological warfare
Jane Baker: Okay, HOW are you coming to that conclusion?
Caitlin Dykstra: I dunno!; He had this rivalry with Roz for ages, right?; Now he’s trying to infiltrate his team through the WAGs!; Following me and Sophie; Giving us the puck!; Could the whole friendship be a lie? Could he be playing the long game on Roz??
Jane Baker: I really don’t think he comes off as that calculating.
Cassie Boodram: I’m pregnant; What’s your excuse for the crazy Cait?
Selena Chouinard: And please if he wanted WAG inside info; He’d follow me on Instagram; All Caitlin posts are nature photos!!; And Susie!; Who is very cute but still
Lisa Hayes: I’ve met Hollander and talked to him; That’s really not how he is in person; And Roz rags on him just like with Hunter. They’re really friends
Caitlin Dykstra: I DON’T FUCKING KNOW
Lisa Hayes: Honestly that plan sounds a lot more like Rozy than Hollander
Jane Baker: Roz could never infiltrate the WAGs.; Jackie would kick his ass out before he could get a single emoji in.😂
Selena Chouinard: JACKIE?
Lisa Hayes: You know Jackie??
Caitlin Dykstra: Jackie Pike?
Cassie Boodram: Okay so please don’t freak, Jane; But you’ve been dropping so many hints; Is it safe to assume that you’re a Voyageur?
Jane Baker: Yeah
Caitlin Dykstra: HOLY SHIT
Jane Baker: Mom cried after my first game. She was so happy.
Selena Chouinard: JANE JANE; JANE; Did you tell Hollander to give Caitlin the puck??; To fuck with us?
Jane Baker: It is possible. 🙄
Caitlin Dykstra: So YOU are the one waging psychological warfare on us???; And I accused poor Shane Hollander!
Selena Chouinard: Are you sure you don’t want that jersey?
Caitlin Dykstra: NO
Jane Baker: I’m already sending one to your house.
Lisa Hayes: I am so confused.; Do you like or hate Hollander?; I’m getting a lot of mixed signals here
Caitlin Dykstra: It’s a love hate relationship; I love that he’s from Ottawa; I hate that he plays for Montreal
Lisa Hayes: Okay that’s fair
Caitlin Dykstra: And don’t you dare let that Voyageurs jersey get within 100 feet of my property; And suck it Jane!!!; WE WON!; CENS FOREVER!!!!!!!

Rose Landry

Shane: I told the WAGs that I played for the Voyageurs.; Well, they guessed, and I confirmed.; And I’m actually not panicking? For once.
Rose: Oh my god that’s awesome!
Shane: I need to talk to Ilya, but I think I’m ready.
Rose: To come out??
Shane: Yes.
Rose: OH MY GOD; I’M SO PROUD OF YOU!!!; Pun very much intended Ms. Baker 😂
Shane: Jesus Christ. I should have never told you.
Rose: When do you think you’ll do it?; I have a free week next month, if you want me to be there; Since my underwater shoot got cancelled 😅
Shane: It did? Because you pulled out, right? Not because there was something wrong with it?
Rose: I told them I’m drawing the line at the underwater stunts; The director was disappointed, but he understood; I took my own advice and told him about Brian; And then he really got it
Shane: I’m so happy!; And yes, next month is perfect.; The Pride game is at the end of February, so I need to do it by then.
Rose: Yayyyyyy!; Shane & Rose back together again!; No hetero
Shane: 🤣

👑 VIP WAGs 👑

Caitlin Dykstra: Did you have to get Hollander to write a card too??; Jane you are insane
Jane Baker: Hopefully it’s the right size!
Selena Chouinard: Wait you actually did it??; And add the card to the shrine!
Caitlin Dykstra: THERE IS NO FUCKING SHRINE; I SWEAR TO GOD
Jane Baker: Of course I got it! I do not break my promises.
Caitlin Dykstra: He got a Voyageurs onesie for Susie too; Because Jane is secretly evil
Jane Baker: Babies are the cutest in Montreal colors.; Just look at Hayden’s kids!
Cassie Boodram: Ughhhh; Why is the Centaurs logo so awful?; I really don’t want to take a picture of my future kid with it
Jane Baker: You know what he could be wearing instead…
Caitlin Dykstra: NO; BAD JANE
Cassie Boodram: Sorry, Jane, but I’m siding with Cait on this one
Caitlin Dykstra: Vindication!!!!!

Lily

Shane: In a taxi to the hotel now!
Lily: At the bar; Am the most handsome hockey player in Hawaiian shirt
Shane: Like I wouldn’t recognize you if you were wearing a garbage bag.; What’s with you and aloha shirts? Nobody looks good in aloha shirts.
Lily: Hawaiian shirts are my lucky shirt for All Stars!
Shane: Oh my god. Seriously?
Lily: Oh yes; I was wearing Hawaiian shirt when second best hockey player hit on me and told me he dumped a list movie star for the chance at sucking my dick again
Shane: Second-best, my ass.; We’ll see who’s second best after the fastest skater competition.
Lily: Yes.; Is me.
Shane: You wish.; Okay, maybe aloha shirts are lucky for you. I was going to wait to tell you in person, but we’re stuck in traffic.
Lily: Jane did you not plan for Los Angeles traffic?; Are you being kidnapped?!
Shane: Shut up.
Lily: Text first lines of O Canada if you need help
Shane: Oh fuck off. Just for that, no good news for you.
Lily: No, no tell me now!; Only Finnish guys at the bar; I am so bored
Shane: O Canada!
Our home and native land!
Lily: No jane do not do this
Shane: With glowing hearts we see thee rise,
The True North strong and free!
Lily: These are not just first lyrics
Shane: From far and wide,
O Canada, we stand on guard for thee.
Lily: why
Shane: God keep our land glorious and free!
O Canada, we stand on guard for thee.
O Canada, we stand on guard for thee.
Lily: Are you done
Shane: Are you done mocking me?
Lily: No
Shane: Fine. You brought this upon yourself.
Lily: What?
Shane: Ô Canada! Terre de nos aïeux,
Ton front est ceint de fleurons glorieux!
Lily: IN FUCKING FRENCH?
Shane: Car ton bras sait porter l'épée,
Il sait porter la croix!
Ton histoire est une épopée
Des plus brillants exploits.
Lily: Oh sweet jane why do you hate me
Shane: Et ta valeur, de foi trempée,
Protégera nos foyers et nos droits.
Protégera nos foyers et nos droits.
Lily: Tell me news now please; I will be good; I promise 😇
Shane: I want to come out to your team.
Lily: WHAT?
Shane: I was thinking soon after All-Stars. How often does Boodram have his BBQs? I know I really fucked up your last invitation, but I was hoping I could make it up to you at the next one.
Lily: я тебя люблю
Shane: I love you too. Is this okay?
Lily: More than okay but I don’t think Boodram is planning any more BBQs because the baby is so close
Shane: That’s fine! I don’t need to make a big announcement, anyway. We can do it another time.
Lily: No I will host BBQ at my place. Like Halloween party but gayer, mой кленовый лист
Shane: I do not know that one.
Lily: My maple leaf 🍁; For my favorite Canadian
Shane: You are such a sap.
Lily: Yes, i am sap for you; Is not a secret

👑 VIP WAGs 👑

Jane Baker: I hope everyone is free on the last day of the off week because Ilya is going to host a BBQ!
Caitlin Dykstra: Holy hell, is Z dead???
Cassie Boodram: Dead to the world, sure; He’s napping
Lisa Hayes: Sounds great Jane!
Sophie Kong: I’ll be there!
Caitlin Dykstra: Yes, Evan and I can make it!; Can we bring Susie?
Jane Baker: Of course! Ilya and I love children.
Cassie Boodram: WAIT A SECOND; “and I” ???
Caitlin Dykstra: Does this mean what we think it means??
Jane Baker: Yes, I will be co-hosting the BBQ.
Cassie Boodram: Oh shit I woke Z up with my scream
Lisa Hayes: Fuck yes!!!; I am so excited!
Kaye Boyle: Steve and I will definitely be there!; The twins have a slumber party that day, so it’ll be just us
Caitlin Dykstra: Should we bring anything???; What do you drink?; I know not wine; Beer?
Jane Baker: No need to bring anything!; Ilya is going to get everything catered.
Cassie Boodram: Fuck that; Z is not going to pass up a chance to BBQ; Does Roz have a grill?
Jane Baker: I think so?
Cassie Boodram: Great! We’ll bring the meat
Caitlin Dykstra: We’ve got dessert covered!; I can bake a cake and a few batches of cookies
Sophie Kong: Uhhhh what does that leave me?; Paper plates? Napkins?; Plastic forks??
Kaye Boyle: I can do salads!; Pasta salad, garden salad, and potato salad all good?
Lisa Hayes: Wyatt and I will bring appetizers!; I don’t have much time since I’m on shift the day before and Wyatt’s at All Stars, but we’ll bring a few cheeseboards and crackers
Jane Baker: You really don’t have to do all this.
Cassie Boodram: We want to!!
Caitlin Dykstra: This is your first real welcome to the team!; Of fucking course we’re going all out!!
Jane Baker: You guys are really too nice.
Cassie Boodram: Not really; I love hosting but hate the prep and cleanup; So I’m gonna vicariously host this BBQ and it’s gonna be awesome
Jane Baker: That is awesome because I hate hosting 😅
Lisa Hayes: Awwww and you’re doing it anyway?; We love you Jane!
Cassie Boodram: Love you, Jane!
Sophie Kong: Love you jane!
Caitlin Dykstra: Love you, Jane!
Selena Chouinard: Love you, Jane!; Why are we all loving Jane; I don’t disagree but why?
Lisa Hayes: Scroll up; Jane and Ilya are hosting a BBQ the last day of the break; Although now it’s more of a potluck
Selena Chouinard: Seriously?; I do not suffer enough playing in the freezing cold with my wild children, but then I miss the announcement???; I knew I should’ve raised iPad kids; What’s left to bring?
Jane Baker: NOTHING.; We are fine!
Selena Chouinard: We’ll bring ice; Everyone forgets ice
Caitlin Dykstra: In Canada??; In January?
Selena Chouinard: Excuse me do YOU want warm beer and room temperature white?
Cassie Boodram: She does have a point
Selena Chouinard: And we’ll bring wine too; Since we’re actually good party guests
Jane Baker: Rose is coming too. So be cool, please?
Selena Chouinard: Oh fuck; My children are going to embarrass me so badly in front of Rose Landry 🤦‍♀️
Caitlin Dykstra: Speak for yourself; Susie slept through the night for the first time last night!; My little angel 😇
Selena Chouinard: I hope she bites you

Chapter 5: Shut up!

Chapter Summary

“Shane was at the top of my list!” Lisa glances at Ilya, her expression fond. “There’s only, like, two Voyageurs who can stand you, anyway.”

Shane frowns. “There’s another one?”

Ilya adopts a matching frown. “Number seems high to me.”

Shane’s head jerks up at the sound of the doorbell at 1pm sharp. Confused, he pauses the video on a very unattractive close up on Carolina’s second line forward (Montreal’s next opponent after the break) and calls to Ilya, “Do you know who that is?”

Ilya’s head pops up from around the corner to the kitchen. “I do not know,” he says. “Party does not start for another 30 minutes, yes?”

“Yes,” Shane agrees as he sets his laptop aside and waits for Ilya to follow him to the door.

“Hi,” Cassie says brightly, her eager smile dimming for half a second as she clocks Shane on the threshold. “Sorry we’re so early,” she says as she blatantly cranes her neck around to see inside their house. “But Z said we had to get here now to start the grill.”

“Hi Roz,” Bood says with a little wave. “Hollander, nice to see you again.” He shrugs apologetically. “If you want some food by the time everyone else gets here, I figured we should get on it now.”

“Good thinking,” Ilya says with a wide grin.

“I got a few heaters in the car,” Bood says, jerking his head to their driveway where a sensible jeep is parked. “Can you show me the way to the grill?”

“Of course,” Ilya says as he grabs his coat and steps around Shane. “Can I leave you to welcome Cassandra in, mоя любовь?”

Shane rolls his eyes as Ilya steps closer to the door. “Shoes, Ilya!”

“I will be fine,” Ilya says with a casual shrug as he zips up.

Shane shoots him an exasperated look. “Your toes will get frostbite.”

“This is Canada, not Siberian gulag,” Ilya says dismissively, but he kicks off his house slides anyway and shoves his bare feet into his boots. “I am Russian. We do not get frostbite here.”

As the door closes behind Ilya and Bood, Cassie says, “It’s just Cassie. Cassie Boodram. Roz thinks he’s being funny.”

“It’s nice to meet you, Cassie,” Shane says sincerely. He glances down at her feet beneath her enormous pregnant belly. “Do you mind taking off your shoes?”

“If you don’t mind waiting two minutes for each one, sure,” Cassie says dryly. She waves off Shane’s hand of help and lowers herself onto the bench in the entryway and starts tugging at her laces.

Awkwardly, Shane leans against the opposite wall. God, why did Ilya leave him alone with her? He knows Shane really doesn’t do well around strangers. Sure, Cassie isn’t really a stranger to him, but he’s a stranger to her, and that has to count for something. Or maybe Shane is overthinking, as he always does.

“So,” Cassie puffs, her face red, as she starts pulling at one boot, “is it just you two here?”

Shane glances down the empty entryway to the rest of the house. “Yep.”

“I can’t believe you beat us,” Cassie says with a smile. “And I thought we were way early. I drew the line at one hour, but Z insisted on at least a half hour, so here we are.”

“It’s fine.”

Cassie’s left boot thumps onto the carpet. “I hope you like chicken – and ribs, and hotdogs, and steak, and hamburgers. Veggie burgers too, if that’s your thing.” She smiles up at him apologetically. “We went a little overboard.”

“It’s fine,” Shane says again. Jesus Christ, he’s so bad at this.

“What’s your favorite?” Cassie asks because she is a goddamn saint and any discomfort she’s feeling at Shane’s inability to hold a normal conversation does not show on her face.

“Uh, I eat a lot of chicken during the season?” Shane says, phrasing it more as a question than an answer.

“Ribs are my kryptonite,” Cassie says with a grin. “But that’s because Z uses my dad’s old recipe. I’m from South Carolina, and we know our BBQ.”

“I know Ilya likes hamburgers,” Shane says, unable to help his grimace. “He would eat at McDonald’s every day if he could.”

Cassie laughs. “Sometimes he reminds me of an oversized kid.”

“Sometimes?” Shane repeats incredulously, his eyebrows rising.

Cassie laughs again, louder, and some of the tension seeps out of Shane’s shoulders and neck. She says, “Okay, most of the time.” The other boot drops to the ground, and she lets out an enormous exhale from the effort.

“The first time he went to my cottage, I tried making hamburgers for him,” Shane says as he holds out his hand to her. “I was so nervous, I didn’t realize the recipe was for four people, not two.”

Cassie accepts Shane’s help getting to her feet. “You should’ve brought Z. I think I once saw him eat six in one sitting.”

Shane makes a face before he can help it. “Gross.”

“So gross,” Cassie agrees. “I was both wowed and horrified.”

He leads her into the living room. “Can I get you something to drink?”

“What do you have?” She glances around curiously. Her gaze zeroes in on the (newly polished) coffee table, and Shane shoves down the bundle of nerves, excitement, and terror bubbling in the back of his throat.

He coughs. “We’ve got coke, ginger ale, sprite, water, and some orange juice.”

“A coke would be wonderful,” Cassie says as she sits on the sofa and runs a tentative finger along the pristine glass top.

“Coming right up,” Shane says as he beats a quick retreat to the kitchen. He takes a few deep breaths to calm his racing heartbeat as he pours out the soda, and he mostly has his shit together when he meets Cassie back in the living room.

“So…” Cassie says as she levels him an appraising stare, “are you a fellow Noguchi fan, Shane?”

He sets down her coke and the water he got for himself on two coasters. “A big fan,” he says without looking at her. He swallows. “Such a big fan, I get them for all my friends.”

Cassie lets out an actual shriek that makes Shane nearly jump out of his skin before her arms wrap around him. He belly presses insistently against his side, but Cassie apparently prefers tight hugs, pregnancy be damned. When she finally draws back, she’s grinning. “Jane,” she sighs happily.

“Uh, hi,” Shane says.

“Oh my god!” Cassie raises her hands to her mouth. “I cannot believe it. But of course it’s you!”

“Yeah,” Shane says because can’t think of anything else to say.

“I should’ve known Roz would only call one person a ‘hockey genius’.” Cassie punches his arm.

Shane blinks. “He said that?”

“Uh huh,” Cassie says as she reaches for her coke. “He was trying to explain why the hell his very smart boyfriend stupidly thought none of us would want to meet him.”

Embarrassment floods him, and his face heats faster than the grill outside.

“No, no, it’s okay,” Cassie says reassuringly as she correctly reads whatever his face is doing. “You’re fine!”

Shane grabs his ginger ale and takes a long sip. “This is really okay?”

“I mean, after Caitlin has a fucking aneurysm, it will be fine,” Cassie says happily. Her face sobers, going serious in an instant. “You’re not going to text the chat, right? I get to see all their faces when they find out?”

Shane shakes his head slowly. “I had no idea how to break it over text, so I was just going to let them come to their own conclusions.”

Cassie beams.

* * *

“No, Shane!” Ilya cries.

Shane takes another triumphant bite of his chicken wing, ignoring the little wounded noise Ilya makes in response.

“I mean, it’s not not hot,” Shane tells Bood, who laughs. The spice coats his tongue, and heat soon radiates outward, blooming down his throat and raising the temperature of his face and neck. Thankfully, he’s standing outside in nearly freezing temperatures, chatting with Bood, Ilya, and Harris. The contrast feels heavenly.

“I cannot believe your mouth is not burning off,” Ilya grumbles.

Shane catches Ilya’s eye and adds two more dabs of Bood’s hot sauce onto the rest of the wing.

“What is wrong with you?” Ilya whispers, horrified.

Shane raises his eyebrows. “Is spice tolerance another thing Russians don’t have? Along with hangovers?”

Before Ilya can muster a retort, Shane meets his eyes, licks the glistening hot sauce off in one long drag, and swallows. As Shane’s throat clicks, Ilya’s pupils go dark, and the heat that pools in Shane’s belly has nothing to do with the capsaicin coursing down this throat.

“You are evil,” Ilya declares, a faint growl in his voice. “You are doing this on purpose.”

Shane shrugs as he takes one last bite. He leans over to drop the bones in the trash. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Because you are an asshole too,” Ilya says as he tugs Shane closer and leans in.

Shane jerks backwards, nearly headbutting Harris in an effort to dodge Ilya’s lips. He definitely treads on Bood’s foot.

“Woah,” Bood says, distinctly unimpressed. He glares at Ilya. “Did you just do what I thought you did?”

Ilya rubs his nose. Looks down. “Is nothing. Forget it.”

“What about Jane, man?” Bood says, his disappointment clear. “It’s all Jane this, Jane that, and now you’re trying to mack on Hollander?”

“I thought I saw bee,” Ilya grumbles.

Shane snorts. “In January?” He reaches for his finance and kisses him briefly on the cheek. “You are so stupid.”

Bood frowns, clearly torn about telling Shane off too, except Shane isn’t his teammate or someone he knows especially well.

Harris lays a hand on Bood’s arm. “I don’t know about you, Zane, but I’ve been here for fifteen minutes, and I see no Jane. I do see a Shane though. And he and Ilya have been glued to each other’s side the entire time.”

Bood’s jaw drops open, glancing between the pair of them with a whole new interest. “No way.”

“Yes, way,” Ilya says with a bravado that Shane can tell is only partially faked.

“You can kiss me,” Shane tells Ilya, “after I rinse out my mouth.” He raises his eyebrows. “Unless you want to start panting worse than Anya at the vet.”

Ilya’s eyes widen, and all traces of shame evaporate from his face. “Yes, is good plan.” He presses his own, considerably louder and more smacking, kiss to Shane’s cheek. “My Shane is so smart, Bood. You must already know this.”

“God, you are going to be insufferable, aren’t you?” Bood says, but he’s smiling widely.

“Probably,” Ilya agrees cheerfully. He grabs Shane’s hand. “Come. We shall wash up together.”

Harris laughs. “You can’t let him go to the washroom by himself?”

“Do you want to wash up by yourself?” Ilya asks Shane pointedly.

Shane hesitates. He shakes his head. Fuck it. Why put in the effort of pretending? Isn’t the whole point of this BBQ to stop pretending?

“Go,” Bood says. “You two are disgusting. Acting like you’re still in the goddamn honeymoon phase.”

Ilya just cackles as he drags Shane back inside the house. They pass Cassie and Troy on the couch, and Troy does not seem phased in the least to see them holding hands.

Ten minutes later, Shane has rinsed out his mouth and successfully fended off Ilya’s attempts to blow him in the bathroom. Instead, he has crowded Ilya against the door, shoved his newly clean tongue halfway down his throat, and forced his freezing cold hands under Ilya’s shirt.

“You are going to kill me, Hollander,” Ilya rasps as his head thunks back against the wood.

“This is to thank you for your patience with me,” Shane murmurs against his mouth.

“If you really want to thank me,” Ilya pants, “you could suck my cock.”

Shane’s teeth playfully nip at Ilya’s lip one last time before he draws back. “Later.”

Ilya musters up an extremely weak glare. “This isn’t like you.”

Shane shrugs. “I’m feeling good. The party is going well.”

“It is not going well,” Ilya argues at once. “You have not sucked my dick once today. First you were too anxious, and now you are too happy. I do not like this.”

Shane laughs. “Later,” he repeats before sealing their mouths together in an another filthy kiss.

Ilya’s hands rake through Shane’s hair, scratching against his scalp in the way that makes Shane go boneless, and Shane’s palms drift lower to grip Ilya’s beautiful ass over his pants. Ilya’s hips twitch against his, his hard on evident, despite the two layers of denim between them.

They only break apart at a series of frantic knocks.

“Fuck,” Ilya swears loudly.

Shane tries to tame his hair, and Ilya straightens his shirt, but they still look like they’d been shoved together in a windtunnel.

“Sorry!” a male voice comes from outside along with another urgent knock. “We have a bathroom emergency!”

“We are done!” Ilya calls, exasperated, as he throws open the door and they step outside.

Shane barely catches a glimpse of a tall man hustling a red-faced toddler inside the bathroom before the door slams shut.

A shocked Selena Chouinard waits in the hallway. “Hello,” she says distractedly as her gaze zeros in on Shane’s bedhead and Ilya’s rumpled clothing.

“Hello, Selena,” Ilya says pleasantly, his eyes dancing. “Excuse me, I must attend to other guests.”

He speedwalks away like an asshole, leaving Shane alone with Selena in the hallway. Cautiously, she asks, “You – you and Roz?”

Slowly, Shane nods.

“Shut up!” Selena grabs his arms. “Shut up,” she repeats, and the cadence of the repeated line pings in the recesses of Shane’s brain.

Shane starts to smile. “I didn’t say anything,” he quotes back.

Selena’s own smile grows impossibly wider as she throws her arms around him. “Shane Hollander, I love you.”

He jerks his head towards the still-closed bathroom door. “I’m pretty sure your husband can hear you.”

“Nick will understand,” Selena says. “And if he doesn’t, I’ll tell him it is secret WAG business. Not for Centaurs’ innocent ears.”

Shane laughs. “I guess you could call it that.”

“You have only been one of us for a month,” Selena says seriously. “We will teach you.”

“I’m looking forward to it,” Shane says.

Her eyes rake up and down his face, her expression almost painfully gleeful. “God, I still can’t believe it. We’ve been talking to Shane Hollander for a month. Caitlin will faint – or punch you.”

Shane frowns. “I hope neither of those happen,” he says seriously. “And, look, I’m very sorry for lying for so long.”

Selena waves off his apology. “Don’t worry about it,” she says. “It has been very nice to have you. You are a prude like Cassie. You can joke with Caitlin about Ottawa. You speak French with me.” She squeezes his arm. “You fit right in from the beginning.”

As the gratitude swells to an almost uncomfortable level beneath his breastbone, Shane doesn’t really know what to say in response, but thankfully they’re interrupted by a loud, “Maman!”

Selena calls, “J’suis ici, ma chérie!”

A small child runs around the corner, barrelling headfirst into Selena’s legs. She stares up at Shane with big blue eyes. She is utterly adorable.

“C’est Shane Hollander,” Selena explains, nodding her head at Shane. “Il joue au hockey comme Papa.”

“Salut,” Shane greets as he crouches down to get on her eye level. “Comment tu t’appelles?”

“Marie Hélène,” she says shyly.

“C’est un trop beau nom,” Shane says.

Selena sniffs. “Nick wanted to name her after his grandmother, Elizabeth. So English, so boring!”

A muffled scream comes from behind the bathroom door, followed by the unmistakable sound of the shower starting. The toilet flushes.

“Should we –” Shane starts, concerned.

“Not at all!” Selena cheerfully cuts him off. “We should leave them alone, actually. Nick clearly has everything under control.” She grabs his hand and Marie Hélène’s, hustling them out of the hallway and into the living room.

About half the team has already arrived. A group of guys Shane only knows from the Centaurs website are putting together burgers and demolishing the remaining chicken. LaPointe, Holmberg, Young, Sophie and a girl Shane doesn’t recognize are huddled around someone’s Switch by the patio door. Troy, Harris, Ilya, and Cassie are loudly discussing the last episode of BBQing with Bood on the couch.

Marie Hélène takes off to tackle Anya, currently begging at Ilya’s heels.

“Hey!” Harris says to Ilya, “Have you given any thought to hosting your own social series?”

Ilya sighs dramatically as he steps around Anya to get to Harris’s side. “Are my many thirst traps on Insta not enough for you?”

Harris huffs, “They’re not subscribable, and you know it.”

Ilya rolls his eyes. “You say you want more followers. I get you more followers. What is the problem, exactly?”

Selena muffles her giggle behind her hand. “Rozy does know how to take a good picture. He is right about that.” She nudges Shane with her elbow. “Wait, you model all the time! Did you give him advice?”

Shane shakes his head, still watching Ilya, totally in his element – surrounded by all his friends, out of the closet with everyone that matters, in his home he shares with his boyfriend. Is Ilya’s smile slightly wider? Are his eyes a shade brighter? Is his body a fraction less tense? Whatever it is, Ilya looks happier than Shane has possibly ever seen him, except for the night Ilya won the Cup – and the night Shane proposed.

“Don’t tell him I said this,” Shane tells Selena under his breath, “but Ilya’s unfairly good at it naturally. I had to get a lot of coaching.”

“Well, it worked,” Selena says reassuringly.

“Thank you.” He brightens and turns to face her. “I guess it won’t be weird if I finally followed you back on Instagram now, right?”

Selena makes a noise like a dying whale.

* * *

Shane has no idea how to approach Sophie Kong or Dylan Young. Every time Shane looks at Young, all he hears is his mother’s voice in his ear, “Kids look up to you, kids that don’t see themselves hockey a lot.”

So he doesn’t approach. They find him instead.

Shane is speaking with Cassie about Jackie’s last season WAG jacket nightmare when Cassie’s gaze catches on something over his shoulder.

Shane turns to see Sophie prod Young, and Young prod Sophie right back. Even though Shane knows better, they look like they just stepped out of high school.

“Hi?” he says awkwardly to them as Cassie gives him a look and walks off without an actual word. God, Shane will never understand women.

“Shane Hollander,” Young says as he sticks out his hand, “it’s an honor.”

God, he sounds almost painfully earnest. Like Shane sounded in his rookie year. Didn’t Shane say the exact same thing to Scott Hunter when he met him at the NHL awards?

“Same,” Shane says as he gives a firm shake. “I’ve heard a lot of good things.”

Young freezes. “You have?”

Shane freezes too. Truthfully, he’s heard very little from any official sources. He’s put some things together himself based on Young’s stats, Cens game tape, and, of course, Sophie.

“I have,” Shane says, throwing caution to the wind. Fuck, he has shocked Young out of his mini-Shane veneer, and Shane isn’t keen on seeing it come back. “Sophie talks about you a lot.”

Young’s head whips around so fast, Shane’s momentarily afraid of whiplash. “You talked to Shane Hollander about me?”

Sophie squeaks. “I did?”

“Only good things,” Shane says quickly.

“Did you fucking slide into my girl’s DMs?” Young squares his shoulders, his face turning stony. “I knew you followed her for a reason. Look, Shane Hollander or not, I don’t care how many cups you have, I will kick–”

“Dyl!” Sophie hisses, clearly mortified.

No wonder Dylan Young gravitated more towards defense than forward. He’s as tall as Shane, but not as broad – yet. Shane could tell from Cens tape that Young was imposing, but up close he can tell he knows how to fill a space.

“In the WAG chat!” Shane says after too long a beat.

“What?” Young asks, blinking in confusion. “You’re in the WAG chat?” He turns to Sophie. “He’s in the WAG chat?”

“No, he isn’t…” Sophie drifts off as her face starts to pale. “Oh, no.”

Shane flicks his gaze back to Young. “I’m, uh, with Ilya Rozanov.”

“Oh, no,” Sophie moans again.

“Never mind that,” Shane says quickly as Young opens his mouth. “Not important right now. I’ve been meaning to tell you, you’re playing some great hockey out there. Your third period breakaway against Tampa?” He smiles. “My mom said of all the new defensemen this season, we’ve got to watch out for you. And you can ask Ilya, but my mom does not give out compliments lightly.”

Young says faintly, “Shane Hollander’s mom has watched me play.”

Shane nods eagerly. “And liked what she saw.” He bites his lip. He really shouldn’t, but he would have really liked to hear more advice when he was a rookie. Everyone praised his Hockey IQ into the stratosphere, so they assumed he didn’t need any help in that department, even though he clearly did – he was eighteen, for fuck’s sake. But they saw a guy who looked like him, who had a good head for numbers, and figured they didn’t need to bother.

Shane shoves his doubts aside, saying to Young, “You could be more offensive, though. Not to step on Ilya’s toes or anything, but I – at the beginning of my career, I had a very clear idea of what a center was supposed to do, and I played like it. It worked obviously,” he adds sheepishly, “at least, until I faced Rozanov. He made me pivot, be more flexible, because who the fuck knows what he’d do next on the ice, especially if the Bears were down in the third period.”

Young grins. “Weibe is not a fan when he goes rogue,” he says, “unless it works.”

“Exactly,” Shane agrees. “But my point is, I was, uh, a model player, you know –”

Sophie sucks in a breath, and judging by the way Young’s eyes go wide, they both catch the meaning behind Shane’s words.

“But that’s not always how I played the best hockey,” Shane says. “And I think it could be the same for you. If I had your stats, I would think about playing a more offensive game. There are some brilliant offensive defenseman, and I think you could be one. Maybe.” He swallows, fully aware of his quasi-monologue and unasked for coaching. “Sorry if it’s unwanted advice. You can just ignore me, actually.”

Young stays silent for a beat, and Shane briefly wishes for the floor to open up and swallow him whole until Young says tentatively, “I’ll think about it. Cap would probably be open to running a few extra drills after practice, right? To try it out?”

Shane smirks. “Of course he will. Leave that to me.”

* * *

“You are late,” Ilya says disapprovingly once Rose lets go of Shane.

She sticks out her tongue. “Only by an hour!” she argues as she envelopes him in an octopus hug too.

Ilya stoically does not hug back, but that only makes Rose squeeze him harder.

“I am so early by Hollywood standards,” she adds when she finally lets him go. “You’re lucky I didn’t turn up at nine pm.”

“Shane would have died,” Ilya says, nodding.

“Hey!”

Rose pats Shane’s arm consolingly. “Probably no dying, but he definitely would have sent disapproving texts every hour, on the hour.”

Shane scowls.

“Every thirty minutes,” Ilya corrects.

Rose meets his eyes, considering, and she nods in agreement.

“I liked it better when you hated her,” Shane says, pointing at Ilya before turning to Rose, “and when you didn’t know who he was.”

Rose giggles. “No way! Those were dark, dark times.”

Ilya just hums, considering.

Rose punches him in the arm. “Come on. You love me. Admit it.”

Ilya lifts his nose into the air. “I admit nothing, Landry.”

Shane shakes his head. “You know how he is with his image,” he tells her, steering them out of the entryway and into the living room where most of the guests are milling around, except for Young, Holmberg, and LaPointe, who seem to be starting a makeshift hotdog eating contest around the coffee table.

To Shane’s surprise, Ilya bounds over before Shane can say a word. Thank god. Shane just polished the Noguchi this morning.

“What is current record?” Ilya demands. “How many do I need to eat?”

For fuck’s sake.

“Come on,” Rose says as she deliberately marches Shane into the kitchen, “It’ll be fine.”

“I will be cleaning up stray bits of mustard for days,” Shane hisses.

Rose runs a comforting hand up and down his arm. “No, you won’t.”

“It’s not like Ilya will clean it in time!” Shane says. “He always relies on the housekeeping service, and they only come on Wednesdays. Everything will have crusted over and stained by then!!”

“No, you won’t have to clean it,” Rose repeats. She grins. “You have a dog, remember?”

Shane groans. He pulls out his phone, about to Google how much mustard can a dog eat before they experience gastrointestinal distress because Shane really doesn’t want to clean up mustard and mustard vomit at the same time.

Rose lifts onto her tip toes to peer over his shoulder, unabashedly spying on his screen. “Seriously, Shane?”

Shane glares at her. “What? Do you already know the answer?”

“No, but it’s not like Ilya is squirting an entire squeeze bottle of mustard directly into Anya’s open mouth,” Rose says, laughing.

“But –”

“Oh!”

Shane looks up to see Selena standing stock still in the doorway, her eyes huge.

“Hi,” Rose says, stepping closer, “Selena, right?”

“Hollandry in real life,” she breathes before she goes bright red. “I’m sorry!” she says in a rush. Her gaze frantically flicks back to Shane. “I didn’t know about you and Ilya, obviously, but that’s no excuse. I should never have said any of those things. It was a huge invasion of privacy, and I’m really sorry! I promise I’ll never bring it up again.”

Rose blinks and glances back at Shane before turning back to Selena. “What are you talking about?”

Shane shrugs. “She liked the idea of us together.”

“We were a very cute couple,” Rose agrees easily as she reaches for a bottle of wine and a glass.

“You’re not mad?” Selena asks timidly.

“God no,” Rose says with a tinkling laugh as she takes a hearty swig of wine. “Shane’s the best gay ex-boyfriend I’ve ever had.”

“And there is actual competition,” Shane tells Selena seriously. “Honestly, if people assume I’m straight, there’s nobody I’d rather be connected with than Rose.”

Rose’s eyes crinkle in the corners. “Aw, I love you too, Shane.”

Strong arms wrap around Shane from behind as a loud accented voice says forcefully, “Watch yourself, Landry.”

“Oh god,” Shane mutters. “Now you’ve done it.”

“For the last time,” Ilya continues loudly, “he is taken!”

“He is also gay,” Shane points out dryly.

“That was fast,” Rose says. “Eating contest over already?”

Shane feels Ilya shrug against his back. “I remember I do not like hotdogs after the second one,” he explains.

“Second one?” he mouths incredulously at Selena and Rose. Shane wrinkles his nose. “You smell like ketchup.”

Selena grins. “That is because he is covered in ketchup.”

Shane automatically jerks back. “What the hell?” he wriggles out of Ilya’s grip, “Get off me!”

Ilya’s arms close like steel bands around his chest. “No.”

Shane wriggles harder, and Rose laughs. “You two are ridiculous.”

“Let me go!”

“No.” Ilya presses his lips to the side of Shane’s face, no doubt spreading ketchup all over his cheeks.

Gross – Shane can’t help several shivers of disgust. He has to shower, like yesterday, but Ilya doesn’t let up until it feels like he has properly covered Shane’s face in ketchup and kisses.

“You are such an asshole,” Shane spits as Ilya fucking finally releases him. He spins around and puts a good foot of distance between them.

Ilya just laughs. “Come back here, mой котёнок.”

Shane crosses his arms over his chest, scowling. “Absolutely not.”

Ilya pulls his shirt off in one smooth motion.

Shane’s brain short circuits. “What are you doing?” he rasps as Ilya slowly lifts the shirt to wipe his own face off, and, fuck, why the hell is Ilya flexing his abs. This motion requires zero ab flexing.

Wait, why is Shane complaining again?

While Shane shamelessly stares at his fiancé, Ilya closes the gap between them. Ilya has missed a fleck of something unidentifiable near his chin, and another mustard-yellow smear near his Adam’s apple. He has that smirk on his face, the one that has dropped hundreds of panties, the one that kind of makes Shane want to wear them too, just so he can drop them for Ilya.

With barely a whisper of distance left, Ilya reaches up to clean Shane off, lightly dabbing away everything he smeared on in the first place.

“Спасибо,” Shane breathes.

Ilya grins at the casual Russian. He murmurs, “Пожалуйста, моя салфетка.”

Shane frowns as he mentally works through the translation. Ilya’s “you’re welcome” is easy enough, and Shane has definitely heard салфетка before – usually when setting the table for dinner.

Oh, screw him!

Aloud, Shane demands, “Did you just call me ‘my napkin’?”

Ilya bursts into laughter. “No, no, do not leave,” he pleads as Shane tries to stomp off. “You are the best napkin, I promise!”

“Fuck off,” Shane grumbles, but he lets Ilya wrap his arms around him again.

“You love me,” Ilya says confidently.

“You are so annoying.”

Undeterred, Ilya purrs into his ear, “You love it.”

Rose sighs and braces both elbows on the counter, idly swishing her wine in her glass. She tells Selena, “They’re always like this.”

“Like this?” Selena echoes. “Like, horny fucks?”

Rose laughs. “Yep.”

Shane ignores them and turns kiss Ilya properly. Ilya’s lips are warm and slightly chapped against him, and he tastes almost overwhelmingly of hotdog. But Shane soldiers on because he is nothing if not determined, and his half-naked fiancé is unfairly hot, even when he is covered in a fucking rainbow of condiments.

“Holy shit,” a new voice interrupts. “Is that Hollander?”

Reluctantly, Shane draws back to see Wyatt Hayes and Lisa Hayes in the doorway.

“You’re Jane?” Wyatt says, dumbfounded.

Lisa’s grin is almost smug. “I fucking knew it.”

Selena straightens, glaring. She points an accusing finger in Lisa’s face. “You did not.”

Wyatt turns to Lisa too. “No way you called this.”

Lisa crosses her arms over her chest. “Shane was at the top of my list!” She glances at Ilya, her expression fond. “There’s only, like, two Voyageurs who can stand you, anyway.”

Shane frowns. “There’s another one?”

Ilya adopts a matching frown. “Number seems high to me.”

* * *

Shane doesn’t get the chance to greet Kaye Boyle. By the time he’s done mopping up a dropped beer – in the kitchen, thank god, and not on the living room carpet – Kaye has already been swarmed by the other VIP WAGs.

Awkward as ever, Shane sidles closer, waiting for an opportunity to join the conversation.

After two seconds, Selena’s hand violently shoots out and yanks him unceremoniously into the group. He nearly stumbles into Lisa, who grins at him.

“Hi,” Kaye says, holding out her hand. “I’m Kaye. It’s nice to finally meet you in-person, Shane.”

Cassie freezes. Sophie’s jaw drops open.

“You knew?” Lisa demands.

“You didn’t?” Kaye asks, sounding surprised. She glances around at all the other WAGs, baffled at their reactions. “All the clues were there.”

“No, they weren’t!” Selena says loudly.

Kaye raises one finger. “He’s half-white.”

Selena admits, “I forgot that one.”

“I didn’t,” Sophie says with a grimace.

Kaye raises another finger. “Semi-famous.”

Lisa, Selena, and Cassie all nod as Sophie exhales a sharp breath. “Famous is so subjective!” she protests.

Kaye raises a third finger. “Born in Ottawa.”

“Oh, yeah, he was,” Cassie says, her eyes widening.

“You didn’t remember?” Lisa demands. “Caitlin only brings it up five times a day.”

“Look,” Cassie says, making a face, “Caitlin always complains that he hates Ottawa. She hardly ever brings up that Jane was born here! It’s come up, like, once!”

Shane holds up a hand. “I do not hate Ottawa, for the record.”

Lisa lightly pats his arm. “We totally believe you.”

Kaye raises a fourth finger. “Plays on the Voyageurs.”

Shane clears his throat, and everyone turns to stare at him. “The Voyageurs have 28 players on our roster, but I see what you’re saying.”

Kaye waves all five splayed fingers in the air. “Now, what half-white, famous Voyageur from Ottawa has also been publicly linked to Rose Landry?”

Selena huffs, “Well, when you put it like that!”

Lisa wrinkles her nose. “Technically, Rose has been spotted with a bunch of the Voyageurs, though.”

“Because of Shane!” Selena says, throwing her hands in the air.

“Are we actually stupider than our husbands?” Cassie whispers, completely appalled.

* * *

“Come on, guys,” Cassie says. “You’re literally acting out an after school special about peer pressure.”

Rose adopts an exaggerated frown and wiggles the beer bottle in front of Shane’s face again. “Are you really saying you don’t want to be cool, Shane?”

Ilya takes a different approach. “Hollander would never. He is too boring.”

Selena glares at both of them. “Ignore them. Celebrate meeting us all properly, Shane!”

Cassie snatches the beer out of Rose’s hand, shoves Selena behind her, and elbows Ilya in the side. “Knock it off.”

Sophie eyes all of them warily. “We could split one,” she suggests to Shane. “If you’d like, I mean.”

Shane nods immediately. “Yeah, that’s a good idea.”

Sophie shoots him a grateful look and rushes off to get cups.

“Not helpful, Soph!” Cassie calls.

“One day,” Rose starts, “I will get you properly wasted.”

Ilya nods decisively. “And then, when you are hungover and want to die, we will get McGriddles, hashbrowns and milkshakes.”

Shane’s stomach turns over before Ilya is done speaking. “Absolutely not. That will only make me want to die faster.”

“Fuck yes, let’s do that,” Rose says fervently. “I haven’t had a McGriddle in years.”

Ilya pats her on the top of the head. “I have never heard something so sad in my life.”

“Well, my diet –” Rose starts, but Ilya isn’t done.

“And Shane has told me how sad your sex life was.”

“Rozanov,” Shane says sharply as Rose releases the heaviest, most put-upon sigh, and Selena laughs into her glass of wine.

Sophie returns, and Shane accepts the plastic cup with a grateful look. He takes a sip.

“Y’all are terrible influences,” Cassie says, disappointed.

“Suck it,” Selena says maturely.

Lisa joins them a minute later. “It’s a shame Caitlin isn’t here yet. She’s gonna lose it when she hears we got Shane to drink without her.”

Cassie’s brow furrows as she pulls out her phone and opens the VIP WAG chat. “Is everything okay?”

“Oh, everything’s fine,” Lisa says, waving off her concerns. “Susie swallowed a bit of plastic this morning, and they freaked out. I told them it’s small and thin enough that Susie will pass it, but Caitlin wanted to go to the Peds ER anyway to be sure.”

Cassie swallows nervously. “You’re sure Susie will be fine?”

“Seen it hundreds of times before,” Lisa says reassuringly. “I was an ER doc for a few years, remember? Kids love swallowing things they shouldn’t.”

“Speaking of Caitlin,” Selena says slyly, and Cassie turns to her sharply, something about the tone of her voice. “Should Shane give her something else for her shrine?”

Shane groans. “That was a joke!”

“A very funny one,” Selena agrees.

Ilya perks up. “Hollander made a joke?” He makes grabby hands for Shane, who obligingly steps into his embrace. “And you did not alert the media? Offer exclusive to Man in the Crease?”

Shane glowers. “Oh, fuck off.”

Rose says, “Wait, what’s this about a shrine?”

Selena practically vibrates with excitement at the question. “Caitlin was a big Hollander fan when she was growing up! She’s from Ottawa, you know, like Harris, and apparently Shane fever was like a thing like ten years ago –”

“You’re making me feel old,” Shane grumbles.

“You’re not old,” Rose reassures him.

“Is lucky I do not mind age difference,” Ilya says happily as he gives Shane a squeeze.

“You’re like a month younger than me,” Shane says, exasperated. “And don’t you make fun of Hunter all the time for the age difference with his boyfriend?”

“Yes,” Ilya nods, “because when Hunter does it, it is gross, bleh. When I do it, it is hot as fuck.”

“Ah, that really clears things up, thank you,” Shane drawls.

Ilya hugs him closer. “You are welcome, mоя любовь.”

He looks away from Ilya to find Sophie, Cassie, and Lisa all staring at them.

“I can’t believe,” Cassie says slowly, “you ever told us you thought Shane and Rose had the most chemistry of any couple ever.”

As Rose cracks up, Ilya goes rigid. “What?”

Selena’s joking smile drops off her face, and she flushes a brilliant red. “I didn’t know! Obviously I was dead fucking wrong –”

“Yes, you were,” Ilya says, his arms tightening possessively around Shane.

“Okay, but getting back to Caitlin’s shrine,” Selena says in a rush, “she already has the Hollander poster, and after the Montreal game, Shane threw her the puck and sent her the signed Hollander jersey with a fucking card –”

Ilya gives Shane a little shake. “You did all this to fuck with Caitlin?” he asks slowly.

Sheepishly, Shane nods as Ilya stares at him, his gaze piercing.

“Oh my god, he’s so turned on,” Rose snickers. “That is so embarrassing for you.”

“Not my fault!” Ily protests at once. “Is Shane’s.”

Shane rounds on him, twisting in his arms to see him properly. “What the hell did I do?”

“You are not being boring.”

Shane narrows his eyes. “I thought you liked boring.”

Ilya throws him a dopey grin. “I like your everything.”

“Aw,” Selena simpers as Rose pretends to gag into her wine glass.

“Game puck, poster, signed card, jersey,” Cassie lists. “What are we missing?”

Sophie’s brow furrows as she takes a sip of her beer. “I’m not sure, actually. That is a good shrine already. I mean, I only have Dyl’s bobble head and jersey back at my dorm.”

Cassie claps her hands. “Oh! A bobble head could work.”

“She’s definitely not going to want a bobble head after Susie ingested a foreign object this morning,” Lisa says.

“Shit,” Selena swears. “Maybe Shane could –”

The doorbell rings.

* * *

The WAGs bully Shane into answering the door.

“Sorry I’m so late! I –” Caitlin shoots him a weird look as she finally registers who exactly is ushering her inside. “I’m Caitlin Dyktra. Evan’s wife – he’s a defenseman.”

“Shane Hollander,” Shane says as he automatically sticks out his hand to shake. Christ, that’s weird, right? Ilya didn’t shake hands with anyone, but then again, they’re all his teammates. What do you do with people who aren’t strangers but aren’t friends? Jackie and Hayden are big huggers, but that would be weird for Shane, right?

Plus, Caitlin is definitely going to be mad when he tells her who he really is. So he shouldn’t start out too friendly, probably.

Around the corner, he can definitely hear Selena failing to muffle a snicker. She’s quickly shushed by someone else, probably Cassie.

“I know who you are,” Caitlin says coolly as she gives him a perfunctory shake and unzips her jacket. “You gave the game puck out of nowhere and followed me on Instagram – also out of nowhere.”

Shane flushes. God, he is going to kill the rest of the WAGs for this. He has never been this uncomfortable in this entire life. “Uh, yeah, I did that.”

Caitlin places her hands on her hips. “I really don’t think I need to tell you that I’m a taken woman, Hollander.”

“That’s no excuse,” comes from around the corner, followed by more shushing.

Shane scrubs a tired hand down his face. Fuck, why is this so hard?

Caitlin’s eyebrows rise as she catalogues Shane’s reaction. “Okay, then. I’m just going to –”

“The Instagram thing was an accident,” Shane says in a rush. “I don’t really do Instagram much, so I had no idea your privacy settings meant that we had to officially connect before I could see your posts and I know it was weird that I followed you, but I didn’t mean –” Shane swallows and closes his mouth with a loud snap. Caitlin definitely didn’t need to know all that.

“‘Do Instagram’?”

“He’s fucking precious.”

Caitlin glares over his shoulder. She raises her voice. “Why the hell are you all lurking over there, anyway? You’re acting like complete nutjobs.”

Shane tries and fails to calm his racing pulse. “They want to see your reaction when I tell you that I’m Jane.”

Caitlin’s gaze whips back to his face. “What?”

Shane clears his throat. Swallows. Feels his face heat. “I’m Jane.”

“You’re… Jane,” Caitlin says, blinking rapidly.

“I think he broke her.”

“Don’t stop filming!”

“I’m not an idiot, god.”

“Uh, yeah,” Shane says, doing his best to ignore the full-on conversation behind him. “So, I really wasn’t trying to hit on you. I’m gay.” He winces. “Very gay.”

“Super gay!”

This is what Shane gets for making friends. He should have broken up with Ilya after their Boxing Day fight and moved to a Siberian gulag. That has to be less painful than this.

“You’re Jane,” Caitlin repeats.

Shane resists the urge to fidget under her blank stare. “Yep.”

Dumbly, Caitlin asks, “For how long?”

Shane shoves his hands into the pockets of his jeans. “Uh, the entire time? It was Ilya’s idea. So, like, nine years.”

“Fuck this,” Caitlin mutters.

“Sorry?”

She slips around him and pushes him back towards the door. “I don’t need the biggest fucking gossips in Ottawa hanging on every word.” She scowls. “Let’s go.”

“What? Where?” is all Shane can stammer out before she yanks the door open and shoves him over the threshold. He barely manages to kick Ilya’s slides out the door in time.

The cold hits him like a slap to the face. He instantly crosses his arms over his chest, and his first inhale feels like he’s breathing in pure ice crystals. He hops in place, trying to get Ilya’s house slides on his feet as fast as humanly possible.

“So,” Caitlin starts as she zips her winter jacket back up, and Shane has never been so jealous in his entire life – including the time Ilya beat him to lift the Stanley Cup over his head.

“Yeah?” Shane asks, a little testy from the extreme cold and impending frostbite.

“You were actually the one waging psychological warfare on all of his,” Caitlin accuses.

“Um –” The excuse that it was just a joke dies on his tongue. He hugs himself tighter. If anything, he feels colder than ever.

“Why?” she demands.

Is fucking fun, of course! echoes in Shane’s head, annoyingly in Ilya’s voice. But the words themselves catch in his throat, and he can’t bring himself to say them to Caitlin’s increasingly unamused face. The whole thing is so out of character for Shane Hollander, Nice Canadian Boy. Fuck, why did he think he could do this without any consequences?

After too long a pause, Caitlin prompts, “Hollander?”

Shane had just… had just forgotten for a moment, too caught up in the rush of having new friends who seemed to accept him, practically unconditionally. The Voyageurs made him work for it, but ultimately made him their Captain and won three cups with him, so that all ended up for the best. But with the WAGs, it was so instant – Shane had gone a bit too far, had forgotten that just because he could be open about his relationship with Ilya, he could be open about other things and do other things he wouldn’t normally do.

“Sorry,” he says, and, Christ, he sounds really pathetic now, teeth starting to chatter and everything. Why the hell did he send her all that Voyageurs crap? And give her the game puck? He could have sat back, let everything blow over, like he did every time they brought up how hot he was!

“Shane?” Caitlin says. Her brows knit together, and Shane can’t read her expression at all. Is she more disappointed? Confused? Angry?

“I’m sorry!” he says again. “I got carried away. It won’t happen again. I – I thought I was just having fun, but obviously it doesn’t look like that since you didn’t know who I was, and now you do, and it looks so bad, and I apologize.”

“You apologize?” Caitlin repeats slowly, like she’s parsing his words for a hidden meaning. “For having fun?”

Shane nods. “Yes, completely.”

“That’s insane,” Caitlin declares and gives Shane has zero warning before her arms wrap around him. Her head comes up to his breastbone. “You’re insane.”

“What are you doing?” Shane asks, baffled.

“Hugging you, obviously,” Caitlin says as she gives him an extra hard squeeze.

“Why?”

“Because hugs are always the first step to fixing things, at least according to my daughter,” she says, her words muffled from where her mouth is squashed against his shirt. “And something must be seriously wrong if you’re apologizing for making a little joke.”

Shane sighs. “Ilya says I’m secretly an asshole.”

Caitlin raises her head to stare at him. “Seriously?”

“Seriously.”

She grins. “He probably knows you best, doesn’t he?”

The corners of Shane’s mouth lift into a barely-there smile. “Guess so.”

“Hm,” Caitlin hums. “Shane Hollander, asshole.” She laughs. “I wouldn’t believe it if you didn’t personally send me – and my daughter – all that literal fucking evidence.” She gives him an extra hard squeeze. “You’re lucky the WAGs like assholes.”

“You do?”

“We keep Selena around, don’t we?” Caitlin says dryly. As he huffs a little laugh in response, she says, “Anyway, your assholery has been punished enough. I can’t believe you didn’t tell me to fuck off and ditched me out here.”

“That would have been rude,” Shane mutters.

Caitlin laughs. “Mm hm, said like a real asshole,” she teases, and a little flicker of warmth flares in Shane’s chest, right around where her face sits. “We can go inside now.”

“Thank god.”

Shane opens the door for her, and Caitlin steps back inside. Looking physically pained, she says through gritted teeth, “And now, since you said sorry, I have to apologize for shitting on the Voyageurs – and Montreal – so much.”

Shane cracks a smile. “It’s okay. I know you’d take none of it back, given the choice.” He shakes his head. “Honestly, you really don’t compare to Rozanov at all. Whatever you’ve said, he’s chirped three times worse.”

“Oh shit,” Caitlin’s eyes widen. “You and Rozy – you’re with Rozy.” She lets out a disbelieving laugh. “Oh my god, of course you call him Rozanov!” She laughs again, loud and delighted, and the tight coil of tension in the pit of Shane’s stomach loosens.

Shane shrugs. “The first time he called me by my first name, I ran away to date the biggest movie star on the planet, so we go back and forth.”

Selena marches over to them, her eyes sparkling with excitement. “What the hell did you just say?”

Behind her, Rose facepalms.

In less than a second, Shane and Caitlin are swarmed by the rest of the WAGs.

* * *

Ilya closes the patio door behind him, sending a wave of frigid air into the living room. He shucks off his Canada Goose jacket… to reveal absolutely nothing underneath. “I run hot,” Ilya says nonchalantly as he drapes it over the back of the sofa where Shane and Rose are sitting.

“You sure do,” Selena calls from across the living room as she pretends to fan herself.

Shane glances over to her husband, but Chouinard looks unbothered and barely interrupts his conversation with Young to say, “That’s nice, dear.”

Out of the side of her mouth, Lisa leans down to tell Shane, “If I didn’t know they were crazy in love and also got off on ignoring each other, I’d think they were on the brink of divorce every other month.”

Cassie snorts as she pauses on the way to the bathroom. “I don’t think Selena’s mentioned that particular thing between them in the group chat yet, but she will. The Cens will win the Cup before the Chouinards separate.”

“Oi!” Ilya barks. “Do not jinx us, Cassandra.” He points at Chouinard. “Would you divorce your wife if it meant winning the Cup?”

Chouinard purses his lips, mulling the idea over. “Do we have to stay divorced?”

Selena’s jaw drops open. “Nick!”

“No,” Ilya says.

Chouinard glances at Selena, who looks slightly mollified. “I will think about it.”

Lisa smirks. “See?”

Ilya plops down on the couch in between Rose and Shane, which means three-quarters of his ass ends up on Shane’s lap – and one-quarter on Rose’s. Miraculously, he doesn’t spill a drop of the vodka clutched in his hand.

He pats Rose on the top of her head. “Move.”

“No,” Rose says sweetly.

Ilya wiggles a bit and settles in, particularly enjoying Rose’s increasing expression of discomfort if his smug smile is any indication.

Sighing, Shane squishes himself against the armrest, glaring at Rose who has a whole cushion of space on the other side. But because the three of them could compete in the stubborn Olympics, Rose does not budge an inch. She would rather skinny dip in Lake Huron in January than lose face in front of either of them.

“Jesus Christ,” Rose grumbles as she aims an elbow squarely at Ilya’s kidney, “what’s your ass made of? Fucking steel?”

Ilya leers down at her. “Wouldn’t you like to know?”

“Please do not show your ass to the entire party, Ilya,” Shane sighs.

He shakes his head. “No, I would never. My ass is only for you.”

Rose groans. “Will you stop talking about your ass if I move?”

“Maybe,” Ilya drawls.

She rolls her eyes as she edges further down the couch.

Ilya splays out immediately, throwing an arm behind Shane’s neck and relaxing back into the cushions.

Rose scowls at him, and Ilya smiles sunnily back at her. “I did as you asked. Do nice Michigan parents not teach their daughters manners?”

Rose lunges for Ilya’s throat, and for a wild second, Shane thinks she’s going to strangle him, but her fingers close around the thin golden chain of Ilya’s necklace that holds up his mother’s cross and his – oh no.

“You’re engaged?” Rose shrieks.

Shane goes redder than Bood’s hot sauce, and Ilya chokes.

Every WAG and Centaur in the room turns to stare at the three of them.

“Oops,” Rose says into the dead silence.

Afterword

End Notes

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Preface

The Rules of Feminism

Chapter 1: She doesn’t even go here!

Rose Landry

Today, 5:03 AM

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Rose Landry

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Lily

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Calling Lily…

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Rose Landry

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Chapter 2: So fetch.

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Lily

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Lisa Hayes

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Selena Chouinard

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Chapter 3: The best people you will ever meet

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Lily

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Chapter 4: I can’t help that I’m popular

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Rose Landry

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Cassie Boodram

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