Rating:

Mature

Archive Warning:

No Archive Warnings Apply

Category:

M/M

Fandom:

Game Changers | Heated Rivalry - All Media Types

Relationship:

Shane Hollander/Ilya Rozanov

Characters:

Shane Hollander, Ilya Rozanov, Rose Landry, Montreal Voyageurs | Montreal Metros Team Ensemble (Game Changers), Troy Barrett, Harris Drover, Original Characters, Jackie Pike, Hayden Pike, Hayden Pike's Children

Additional Tags:

romance novels, Shane Hollander vs. Emotions, Autistic Shane Hollander, Written by an Autistic Author, Social Media, Spoilers for Book 6: The Long Game (Game Changers), During Canon, Pining, the mortifying ideal of seeing yourself reflected in fictional characters, Self-Reflection, Dumb Hockey Boys, Secret Identity, secretly famous, but like. while also being non-secretly famous, no AI fuck AI I can't believe I have to clarify that, Jackie Pike Supremacy, Shane Hollander & Jackie Pike Friendship, Jackie Pike backstory

Language:

English

Collections:

Fics LunaK does not want to lose track of

Stats:

Published: 2026-07-18 Updated: 2026-09-19 Words: 21,963 Chapters: 6/?

HockeyExpert1410 has posted a new review!

Summary

When the lesbian next to him at the bar very kindly informs Shane that (other) women have been throwing themselves at him all evening, he's surprised. How was he supposed to know factual statements about the temperature of the room were meant to invite a proposition?!

Her solution? Studying romantic social cues and flirting techniques. The textbook? Romance novels.

Well, it can't hurt to try, and anything Shane tries, he tries thoroughly. Maybe a little too thoroughly? He didn't expect for his book reviews to pick up a following, and he DEFINITELY didn't expect to become the (secret, anonymous) face of "allyship" in the MLH.

He's not complaining, though. The books resonate with him more than he ever could have predicted, even if the hockey is unrealistic as shit, and maybe he'll learn a thing or two along the way. (About healthy relationships, communication, and emotional intelligence. Not any of the OTHER things you'll find in a hockey romance. Nope. Not at all...)

Notes

Hello hello! This is going to be my longest HR work and I'm slightly scared of it already.

I have never read a straight hockey romance! None of these are based on real books. Any similarity to a real book is entirely coincidental unless I am blatantly referencing a real Game Changers series book. Any negative reviews in here are NOT me subtweeting your favorite author, I promise.

I am an autistic author writing an autistic character! This does not reflect all autistic people's experiences, but it does very closely mirror mine. The eye rolling thing is an actual thing that got me in trouble as a kid lol

No major trigger warnings at this time, and I don't foresee any popping up later? But if they do, I'll add that in the opening notes for that chapter. Tags may be updated as I write but this work does not currently and will not ever feature character death/violence. We're here to have a good time!

Enjoy!!!

Chapter 1: 2012/2013 season

Chapter Notes

“I can’t figure out if you’re really good at acting oblivious to try to let everyone down super gently, or if you really are actually oblivious and don’t realize that that chick, like every other girl you’ve spoken to tonight, has been super into you and hitting on you super hard.”

Shane choked slightly on his water. He wasn’t sure what his face was saying, but apparently it was pretty expressive. The woman on the barstool one away from his pressed her lips together and raised her eyebrows. 

“I’ll take that as an answer. So, that girl? Into you. Very into you. And the reason she said ugh, nevermind and rolled her eyes and walked away all grumpy? Was because when she said,” she started doing an impression of the young woman who’d just left. It was a little exaggerated, but not by much. “It’s soooooooooo hot in here, she was inviting YOU to agree with her and ask if she wanted to go somewhere else, like maybe, your place or hers?” 

The overly-low, sultry tone she delivered that last phrase with made it very clear what she was implying. Shane had heard it from his teammates plenty of times, normally followed by them waving goodbye and leaving immediately while the rest of the team catcalled, whistled, or rolled their eyes and later bitched about how she should have gone home with them, or she wasn’t that hot anyway, or they didn’t even want to pull that night, or whatever, man. 

“So, when I told her there was self-serve water at the other end of the bar…” Shane trailed off. 

“Yeah, no, she definitely thought you were telling her to fuck off, dude.” 

Shane winced. 

“I wasn’t trying to be rude! She said it was hot in here! And she was literally fanning herself!”

“Yes? With one hand, and the other tucked pretty tightly behind that elbow, sure.” 

Shane wrinkled his eyebrows.

“What?”

The woman looked him. 

“I’m going to assume you genuinely don’t get it, and me explaining this is an act of community service. So. Look at me. Watch closely. This is me fanning myself because I’m warm and want to cool down.” 

She fanned herself with one hand, making direct eye contact. 

“This? Is not the same thing.”

She leaned forward in her seat and ducked her chin so she was looking up at him through her eyelashes even though they seemed to be around the same height. She was still fanning herself, but less vigorously. She moved her other arm from where it had been casually resting on the bar, crossing it in front of herself and tucking her free hand behind her fanning arm’s elbow. Her arms made a sort of trapezoid-shaped frame that squished her breasts closer together in a way that looked uncomfortable. 

“Do you see the difference? The first was fanning because it’s hot in here. The second is fanning because it makes a convenient excuse to show off my boobs.” 

Shane could see the difference, now that it was being pointed out to him. Oh, shit. 

“I wasn’t— I— well—”

The woman laughed at him. 

“Yeah, you’re a really nice young man who was treating her very respectfully, and keeping your eyes where they should stay in polite company. Unfortunately for her, she was looking for some impolite company.” 

Shane looked back at his drink again, fidgeting awkwardly with the glass. 

“Why do I feel like I should apologize?”

“You didn’t do anything wrong! You just took her at face-value. Pretending to do that is a very classy way to turn someone down if you’re not interested. It lets you stay polite, and protects the dignity of the person you’re rejecting.” 

Shane was relieved. He considered her words for a second. 

“And, the other women who’ve been over here? You said all of them were hitting on me?”

“Yeah, some of them more subtly than others, but all of them. Little Miss OMG, you must work out soooooo much wasn’t looking for workout tips.”

“…oh.” 

Shane paused. 

“That doesn’t include you, right? I mean. You did specifically tell me to look at your… chest.”

“Oh, buddy.” Okay, rude. Shane may not be great at spotting flirting, but he did know what condescension sounded like. “First of all. I am literally so gay. Second of all, I’m like five-ten and two thirds of that is leg, which this dress is short enough to more than adequately showcase. Speaking of the dress, it is very pink and has rhinestones all around my boobs, which you haven’t looked at once during this conversation, except for when I explicitly told you to. I am also incredibly blonde, which, not to be arrogant or whatever, but most men are incredibly into! And you walked right up to this bar and did not look at me twice. You’re either as straight as I am, so sickeningly in love with your dream girl no other woman can compare, or so truly, deeply uninterested in getting laid tonight that it doesn’t occur to you that the people around you might be trying to entice an invitation. Any of those are fine and awesome and great! Good for you! But all of the above adds up to, not only am I one-hundred-percent not hitting on you, but I am entirely convinced that everyone who’s tried it tonight and probably ever in your life was wasting their time.” 

Shane tried not to flinch at the bit where she implied she might have figured out he was attracted to men. She hadn’t said his name once, or alluded to hockey in any way. There was a solid chance she didn’t know who he was. He pushed the conversation forward quickly regardless. 

“Not everyone! I’ve been flirted with successfully before!”

Only by Rozanov, but she didn’t need to know that.

“I’m sure you have! But was it really, really bluntly? Like, hi, hello, I’d like to see your dick levels of bluntly?”

More like hi, hello, here’s MY dick and I’m going to jerk it at you in these communal showers levels of bluntly, but again, this random woman in a bar did not need to know that. His blush probably implied it, though. She grinned at him. 

“Yeah, I see that look. Whoever it was that snagged you, I’d be willing to bet they started a lot more subtly than that and escalated when it became clear you were missing the point.” 

…was she right? Had Rozanov made a move before… that? And Shane hadn’t noticed? It was entirely possible. If he’d missed so many signals tonight, maybe his teammates were onto something every time they went to a bar and started in on the come on, cap, she was totally hitting on you! 

Shane let out a short breath, frustrated. 

“Well, maybe more people should flirt bluntly! How am I supposed to know that saying it’s hot in here as an invitation for me to invite her home? Why couldn’t she just say that?!”

“I mean, most people just know it. Like, intuitively.” 

“Well, that’s helpful.” 

Shane slumped slightly. The woman looked at him consideringly. 

“I didn’t know it intuitively. I actively studied it and learned that sort of thing.”

Shane snorted. 

“What, is there a Secret Flirting Methods textbook? Is there a class?”

“Honestly, yeah, pretty much. It’s called romance novels.”

Shane wasn’t sure if he was being made fun of or not, and he didn’t like it. She seemed to catch this from his face and rushed to explain.

“No, I’m so serious! When I was a kid, I couldn’t pick up on social cues for shit. Like, someone at school was smiling, how was I supposed to know it was a mean smile that meant she was bullying me and not a nice smile that meant we were friends?”

Shane felt uncomfortably seen. 

“So I just kind of didn’t have friends for the longest time, and when no one would play with me, I just read. A lot. Like, a concerning amount. Matilda had nothing on me. But I realized, books explain physical cues in ways real people don’t. A book will say she rolled her eyes, annoyed, or, he crossed his arms and sighed in annoyance, and then next time a classmate rolled their eyes and sighed at me, it was like, hang on, I know this one. Eye rolling is an ‘annoyed’ cue, sighing is an ‘annoyed’ cue, this person is annoyed at me! Reading all the time was just studying up on social cues so when I saw them executed in the real world, I knew what they meant, and when I wanted to display emotion in a socially acceptable way, I could perform those cues myself.”

That made a lot of sense, actually. Shane hadn’t been big on fiction as a kid, but he could see how that would be really helpful. He’d been one of those kids who took things too literally until it got him in trouble. It had taken seeing it happen in a movie to realize that “rolling one’s eyes” just meant looking up, not moving them in a circular motion, and that all of those adults who’d gotten mad at him for rolling his eyes had actually been right. No wonder they’d been so pissed when he denied it. 

“So, two decades of constantly studying social cues like that means I don’t even have to think about it anymore. And I started reading romance when I was, I don’t know, fifteen? Sixteen? When I knew from the context of this is a couple in a romance novel who are on a date that the people were flirting, all of the descriptions of their movements were, like, Flirting 101. If she twirls her hair around her finger and bites her lip while smiling at him six different times in one book, I guess that’s flirting. If there’s four different books where someone offers someone a jacket even though it’s not really that cold out, I guess that’s flirting. So I may not get it, or why it’s attractive, but that girl like half an hour ago who was talking about how much bigger your hands were than hers? I’ve seen that in a dozen romance novels, at least, so it’s probably flirting.” 

That all made so much sense! His short-lived high school girlfriend had loved borrowing his hoodie, and it drove him nuts at the time because he didn’t get why she never planned for the weather and why he had to be cold because of it. And now that he was actually thinking about it, he’d definitely seen it in movies, he’d just never really processed it beyond a relatable thing that apparently girls liked to do. But thinking of it as flirting? Thinking of it as, what if there were a reason for him to wear one of Rozanov’s hoodies? One of his Boston hoodies, that would be maybe a little bit big on Shane since Rozanov was a little bit taller, and it would smell like him, and say Rozanov on the back, and—oh. Yeah. That was flirting. 

Apparently, the woman could see the moment of realization on his face. She grinned.

“Yeah, that resonated, didn’t it? You should give it a shot.”

“Reading… romance novels?”

“Yeah? Why not?”

“Well, I don’t really read much fiction. I do a lot of histories, memoirs. That sort of thing.”

“Then read a historical romance.” 

“That’s a thing?”

“Oh, you sweet summer child. Every kind of romance is a thing. What are you into?”

“Into, like. Romantically?”

Shane could feel himself blushing again. This was way too much blushing for an evening that didn’t involve Rozanov. Were there romance novels about sarcastic asshole Russians? 

“Ha! Noooooo, I don’t think we’re there yet. Into, like, do you have hobbies?”

Well. No. 

“Um. Hockey?”

She laughed. 

“There we go!” She sounded absolutely delighted. “Get you a hockey romance then! There are tons of them, they’ve really been having a moment recently!” 

That wasn’t a bad idea, actually. Everyone on his team was used to him reading hockey books all the time, and they never wanted to hear about them. If whatever he was reading had a stick and a puck on the cover, they’d just assume it was another famous player’s memoir or something and not ask any questions. He’d have to consider it. Or maybe he’d wait until the offseason, just in case someone decided to get funny and try to take his book from him. That would not be a fun one to explain to the guys. 

He was about to ask her if she had any recommendations when someone slammed into his back, shoving him forward into the bar and almost knocking the breath out of him. He’d taken harder hits on the ice, of course, but that was on the ice, when he was heavily padded and expecting someone to crash into him any second. He wasn’t normally braced for impact while sitting at nice establishments talking to helpful strangers, not that he spent much time talking to strangers anyway.

“Ayyyy, Cap-taiiiiinnnnn, who’s your friiiiiieeeeend?” slurred Berkes. 

The woman’s smile dropped so fast, Shane almost believed he’d been imagining it this whole time. Her dead-eyed, blank face was such a jarring shift, even Berkes, who was barely standing up straight, noticed the change and leaned back. 

“Or nooooot a friend, goddamn,” he muttered, sort of. His tone sounded like he was trying to mutter, but his volume clearly hadn’t gotten the memo. His eyes fluttered slightly as he sagged further against Shane. “Sor-ryyyy.” 

Shane inhaled deeply and exhaled slowly. Well, it had been a lovely and informative conversation while it had lasted, but clearly it was over now. 

“Friend of yours?” asked the woman, looking Berkes down and up and wrinkling her nose. Shane couldn't blame her, honestly. 

Berkes didn’t seem to be following the conversation, so—

“I wouldn’t go quite that far, but definitely my responsibility.” 

“Hm. Delightful.” 

Well, he didn’t need to study any kind of book to know she didn’t mean that literally. 

“I should get him home.” 

She frowned. 

“Is that your job?”

“Apparently.”

She finished her drink and slid off her stool. 

“I need to be heading out, too, so I’ll leave you two to it, but hey, it was fun being your fairy godmother of emotional education for an evening. Best of luck, my guy.” 

Shane laughed slightly. 

“Yeah, thanks for that, I think. Either way, I appreciate the company and the conversation.” 

“No problem.” 

She saluted him with two fingers and left. 

Berkes opened his eyes again blearily. 

“Wait, cap, where’d she gooo?” He looked around, confused. She wasn’t even out the door of the bar yet, and was still bright pink and sparkly, but he didn’t appear to spot her. “Duuuude, did she leave you? What a bitch.” 

“We were having a nice conversation, actually,” said Shane, annoyed. 

Berkes’ eyes went wide. 

“Wait! No! Cap, dude, did I just cockblock you?! I’m so sorry, man, that was not cool.”

Well, from the sound of things, she’d been even less interested in him than he was in her, but he’d been interested in their conversation and was annoyed at Berkes for ruining it, so why not let him suffer a bit?

“Yeah, man, you definitely did, so. Thanks for that, I guess. Let’s get you home.” 

Shane ignored his semi-coherent apologies and texted the team group chat to let them know he was taking Berkes back to the hotel. Then he got off his stool, bracing against Berkes’ nearly dead weight and tugging an arm over his shoulder.

“Come on. That’s it. Use your feet. They’re at the bottom of your legs.” 

At least he didn’t seem like he was about to throw up? 

The two left the bar. 

<>II<>

Honestly, Shane had intended to table that whole train of thought until the offseason, at least. As interesting as it had been, and as appealing as it was to have a way to study the social cues that had been going over his head for years, he wasn’t sure if it was worth the risk, carrying around a romance novel while traveling with his teammates. But he’d finished his book on the battle to get women’s hockey included in the Olympics, and they had another three hours of layover. His team was scattered all over the airport (mostly split between three bars, but that wasn’t Shane’s problem until half an hour to boarding) and none of them were likely to be in an airport bookstore, anyway. 

The romance section was one of the biggest there. He couldn’t really figure out how it was laid out, but it should be pretty—there! The books with sticks and skates and pucks on the cover seemed to jump out at him. That was probably a sign that he should branch out a little and read something else, honestly, but he was already trying something new with romance at all, so he decided to stick with something he at least vaguely knew. He picked up the one with the black and gold cover. Boston colors. He could always say it was a book on Boston’s strategy. Anything to give him an advantage over Rozanov, right? 

The cover showed a rink lit by a single spotlight. The ice was bright white and all sliced up, and the area outside the light (most of the cover) was intimidatingly black. It reminded him of the moment right before they stepped onto the ice for a big game, when the light operators were swirling spotlights across empty ice to build anticipation. Shane could practically hear the crowd. The title was an aggressively solid font, GOING FOR THE GOLD stamped in, obviously, gold. He turned the book over.

There’s only one thing Addie Burns cares about this year, and it’s winning gold in the American National Figure Skating Championships. She doesn’t have time for hobbies, or going out with her friends, or, God forbid, a boyfriend. She pours everything she has onto the ice, and that’s how she likes it. But suddenly, she faces a distraction she never asked for: dreamy it-boy Faolan Timm, the Timberwolf himself. 

Owala Cup champion, captain of the Carolina Timberwolves, and the crush of every girl who’s ever even looked at a rink, Faolan, or, as his adoring fangirls call him, Fae, is a dream in human form. Taking a mid-season break to care for his mother who just had surgery but unwilling to stay completely off the ice, he’s also suddenly constantly under-skate at Addie’s local rink! Sharing the ice quickly turns to sharing each other’s company off it. But when too much time giggling over hot chocolate (and hotter company) leads to a few rookie mistakes that almost prevent Addie from passing the next round of eliminations, her coach gives her an ultimatum: either say goodbye to the boy, or say goodbye to her hope of reaching the Finals. 

Which will Addie choose? Her career, or her heart? Her lifelong dream, or the love she’d never thought was possible? Her medal, or her man? Find out in GOING FOR THE GOLD!

Shane paused. Wait, what? There was a lot to unpack there, starting with, who the hell were the Carolina Timberwolves? And what the fuck was an Owala cup? 

Several minutes of confused phone research later, Shane had learned that sports fiction, including sports romances, often created fake teams to avoid lawsuits over how they represented real teams or people. Fair enough. It would definitely be weird to read a book about his team, and if it wasn’t very thoroughly researched, he wasn’t sure he’d be able to get past any inaccuracies in descriptions of the team facilities or policies. Apparently the Owala Cup was a similarly-motivated invention. Probably every book on this shelf had different names for their championship cup. Fine, reasonable, whatever. But a captain taking a mid-season break like that? For long enough that he needed to keep practicing independently, but far enough from his team that he couldn’t use their rink? He had to use some local rink? What the fuck were they talking about? Shane thought the longest mid-season “break” he’d ever taken without extreme medical need was maybe the three days’ worth of optional practices he’d skipped to fulfill contractual obligations for a brand deal, and even then, his coach hadn’t exactly been happy. He’d allowed it because the brand sponsored the whole team, not just Shane, but still. If any captain tried to take off for however long it took Addie and Fae to fall in love, he’d find himself replaced pretty damn quick. Was he skipping practices but still going to games, or was he just skipping everything? How would that even work? If Shane tried to miss more than one game to take care of his mom, no matter how major a surgery she’d just had, she would kick his ass all the way to the rink herself. Shane may have taken hockey more seriously than his own health a time or twelve in his life, but the apple hadn’t fallen far from the tree. Yuna Hollander would rather die than let Shane do that to his career. 

Which would Addie choose: Her medal or her man? Her medal, if she actually cared about the sport. She and Fae could hook up in the offseason if they wanted, or whenever the Timberwolves were playing in her area. Shane didn’t get how it was even a question. She’d choose her lifelong dream. 

…Right? 

But. 

Well. 

It would be nice if she didn’t have to. It would be nice if there were some loophole, some exception, some trick. Some way for Addie and Fae to be happy and stay together, but Addie could win her championship and Fae could win his and the asshole coach who tried to give her an ultimatum could suck it. Because maybe it wasn’t Fae’s fault, or Addie’s feelings’ fault, that she made a mistake. Mistakes happen to everyone. It’s frustrating, but even professional athletes have their off days, and really, anything can happen on the ice. One little bump the Zamboni can’t quite catch, one skate blade that really can catch it, and it’s all over. Maybe Addie just had an off day and being in love with Fae had nothing to do with it and they both deserved to be champions and in love and live happily ever after. 

Shane bought the book. 

Chapter End Notes

The girl at the bar's name is Nikki, it just never occurred to Shane to ask, but I love her.
Several of my romance novel MCs throughout are named after irl friends but I committed the sin of making them straight. I can only hope I will be forgiven.

Thank you for reading!!!! Like I said, this is going to be a much more substantial project than my previous fics, so bear with me! I have learned from past mistakes and will NOT be committing to a full timeline lol, but chapter two should be up within the next week or two.

Chapter 2: 2012/2013 season

Chapter Notes

This got 200 subscribers???? holy shit????? so here's chapter 2 to celebrate 200!!

Thank you for everyone who's read and left comments so far!! I appreciate every single one of you! <3
It's been so delightful to see this get a positive reception; I'm so glad people are enjoying! <3

When Shane was young, somewhere in that pre-teen/immediately post-teen area, one of his teachers had gently told him he needed to get a hobby. I don’t have time for that, I have practice had not been the correct answer. 

She’d been concerned about what eating, sleeping, and breathing hockey would do to his development. Playing hockey was fine! Great, even! It was good for him to have an interest that kept him physically active, especially one he enjoyed so much! But playing hockey, eating the diet his favorite hockey player swore by, reading books about hockey, and memorizing the scores of every MLH championship game in history was too much. Not caring about anything other than hockey was unhealthy, and not having any friends who didn’t play hockey with him was unhealthy, and letting his grades drop because he’d been too tired after his game to finish his paper was definitely not healthy. She’d all but begged him to read a fiction book, or maybe poetry, or even just watch whatever superhero movie boys his age were obsessed with at the time. Maybe listen to some music, or try learning an instrument, wouldn’t that be cool! Had he ever thought about drawing? She said it would help him grow as a human person, not just a hockey player. 

He’d gone home and told his mom about the conversation. She was not happy they were discouraging his passion and sabotaging his career. 

Yuna Hollander stopped in to have a meeting with the school’s administration. 

Shane Hollander was moved to a different class. 

In retrospect, she had probably been right. 

Movies could be pretty fun, actually. There had been a long flight when he’d surrendered the team iPads with game footage to some rookies who wanted to review their own tapes for once. (He would rather have reviewed it himself, and it probably would have helped the team more for him to watch it than them, but he wanted to encourage good practices for professional development.) The in-flight entertainment system had a lot to choose from, nothing hockey related unfortunately, but it turned out the new action movie he’d vaguely heard the guys talking about in the locker room was directed by the same person who’d done his favorite hockey movie as a kid, so he gave it a shot and was pleasantly surprised. So he got into movies, all kinds of movies, and not only did it make travelling (and the offseason) less boring, it made small talk with his teammates easier. They were definitely startled when he joined in their conversation about the latest Revengers movie, but startled in a good way, and it was actually pretty nice to be included. It turned out “seen any good movies lately?” was a pretty decent conversation starter, too. So, if he’d watched TV or movies as a kid, he probably would have found it a lot easier to connect with his peers that weren’t as hockey-obsessed as him (and really, was anyone as hockey-obsessed as him?). At least it would have helped him practice his small talk. 

His teacher was onto something about books, too, apparently. 

Shane really liked Going For Gold. A lot more than he’d expected to. Actually, he kind of loved it.

The hockey was pretty shit. He’d expected that just from the summary, and it had met his expectations quite thoroughly in that way. But he’d found himself surprisingly invested in the main character. Addie was very relatable. He knew what it was like to compete, and to have every waking moment consumed by things that would make him a better competitor. He’d felt incredibly well-represented in the first few chapters. Their specific performance diets weren’t the same, obviously. Figure skaters and hockey players used different muscles, but they also had very different goals. There were exceptions, but generally, figure skaters aimed to be slim and aerodynamic while hockey players wanted bulk. But people not competing at the same level and not following their own performance diets made the same kinds of comments to both kinds of athletes, it looked like. That had been an unexpected area to learn in. A few snide remarks had apparently gone over his head in the past, and it took reading Addie’s internal monologue as she processed their jibes and consciously decided to rise above them for Shane to learn that people had been accusing him of having an eating disorder. At least his total obliviousness had probably looked like taking the high road, too. And his and Addie’s gym schedules were pretty similar! They both had their own workout routines off the ice that they maintained whether it was a “game day” or not, though their “game day” schedules obviously differed greatly. The pressure they were under was interestingly similar, too. Shane knew it probably wasn’t respectful to his team, and he was aware of the effort they put in, but there were definitely moments where he felt like it all came down to him. And there were moments where his coach clearly felt that way, too. So it wasn’t the same—when Addie was on the ice, it was literally all down to her, she had no one to rely on for backup—but it was similar. 

Maybe a solitary sport would be a relief. Addie didn’t have anyone else who could help push her to a win, but that meant no one else could make her lose, either. There were pros and cons to teamwork and independence. 

By the time he’d reached the halfway point, though, he’d started to think that maybe seeing so much of himself in Addie wasn’t a good thing. Her personal story seemed to be all about realizing that it was okay to take a break. In one particular scene, she’d gotten so caught up in things with Fae, she’d been late to dinner with her mom. Her mom had been upset at first, which was reasonable. They’d had plans, and plans being thrown off by tardiness was inconvenient and disrespectful. But she’d assumed Addie had been on the ice the whole time, and when she found out she’d actually got caught up in conversation with a friend after, she completely changed her mind. Addie’s mom was thrilled her daughter had been doing something other than skating. Oh, honey, I didn’t mean to take you away from having fun with a friend, you should have texted, we could have rescheduled! Very genuinely excited. She even apologized. And Addie’s thoughts about how she would have reacted if she’d known Addie had been talking to a romantically eligible man? Oof. 

It reminded Shane uncomfortably of how ecstatic his teachers had been growing up when he expressed interest in something other than hockey. His mom would never have reacted to his being late like that, and if he’d shown up to practice late his coach wouldn’t have, either, but now that he was thinking about it, he vaguely remembered being surprised he hadn’t gotten in trouble back in school when he’d been late to class and admitted to his teacher that it was because he’d been listening to the student orchestra practice and hadn’t heard the bell. Had he seriously not punished Shane because at least it wasn’t hockey? 

That was a little bit insulting and a little bit concerning. 

The resolution to Addie’s arc was about balance. Moderation in all things. It was nice that she loved Fae, but not good to cancel on other commitments just to spend time with him, and it was good that she was such a dedicated skater, but not good to not have a life off of the ice. Secretly, selfishly, Shane was glad she’d found a way to have both things, her medal and her man. It wasn’t the same thing at all, obviously. Any similarities were small and totally insignificant and he was definitely overthinking it. He and Rozanov weren’t like that. There was never any question that they’d both pick their careers over each other, because they weren’t “anything” enough for that to even be a choice. But he hated the idea of actually being forced to choose. He could have both, at least, to the extent that he currently had both. He would never let his thing with Rozanov distract him on the ice, but he still wanted to—well, not have, he didn’t have Rozanov, exactly, but, he still wanted to casually hook up with Rozanov off the ice, too. 

Addie and Fae weren’t just hooking up. Addie and Fae were in love and got their “happily ever after.” He was happy for them. A lot happier than he thought he’d be. He really hadn’t expected to care, but surprisingly, he did. 

He kind of hoped he’d find something like that someday, someone he was as interested in off of the ice as he was in everything that happened on it. Maybe he should reach out to his old friend who was a figure skater. It was a very female-dominated sport, generally. He bet Joe knew lots of brilliant and talented women, and if they both skated, that would give them something to talk about at first. The book made it seem like a figure skater and a hockey player were a good combination. 

Or maybe not. His mom always said the perfect girl for him was out there somewhere but right now, he really would rather focus on his team and his career. Maybe after their next cup, or their next playoffs elimination. 

He still found her breaking her performance diet unrealistic, though. Years of treating her body like the professional instrument it was, thrown out for a candy bar? He got that she’d been struggling emotionally, but come on. He couldn’t imagine what kind of personal crisis would have him breaking down and eating a Snickers or some shit. It would have to be completely catastrophic. 

<>II<>

Shane’s laptop was already open in front of him before he realized the problem with what he was doing. He’d diligently logged, rated, and reviewed every book he’d read in the last several years on BetterReads and he’d amassed quite a respectable following on the site—because ShaneH24, who read hockey histories and player memoirs and reviewed them in a very factual way that exhibited a strong knowledge of the sport, was very clearly MLH player Shane Hollander, number 24. It would kind of defeat the purpose of hiding the book from his teammates if he was going to add reviews of it to his public account. It would be all over the news in less than three days, and there was nothing in the world he wanted less than a bunch of strangers and hockey podcasters and commentators (and teammates) flooding his social media and post-game interviews and locker room with jokes about what he was reading. Obviously most of them wouldn’t have read the book, but they didn’t need to to be able to tell him how gay it was that he was reading chick lit. 

But Shane enjoyed reviewing the books he read. Writing it all down was a great way to get his thoughts in order, and he liked the conversations he had in the comments of his reviews with other fans or critics, and honestly, it felt wrong to leave this book un-reviewed, like he wasn’t treating it with the same amount of respect as the other books he’d read recently. He’d heard Jackie’s impassioned rant on the way female-dominated genres like romance were taken less seriously as crafts and works of art than predominately-male genres, the same way female-dominated jobs paid less and were mocked. She’d been talking about romcom films, not books, but still, he’d listened and he’d learned. He refused to be part of the problem, only acknowledging his usual fare as “real” literature. This book would be treated the same way as any other, regardless of genre, the gender of the protagonist, or level of hockey accuracy.

And it would screw up the accuracy of his stats for the year, too, if this book weren’t included in his total pages read. Especially since he didn’t plan on this being the last hockey romance he read. (Though he did somewhat disagree with calling it a hockey romance. Sports romance, maybe, but considering it was far more focused on the figure skater than the hockey player? He’d known Addie was the main character, but had expected more hockey involvement, more of a clash between the romance and Fae’s team commitments, considering he was supposed to be the captain. But there were probably more hockey-focused romances out there. He’d just have to do his research instead of grabbing the first book he saw at the airport.) 

So Shane wanted to review the book, but couldn’t do it as ShaneH24. That was a small enough problem. It could be fixed by making a new account. He pulled up the site, logged out, opened the new account page, then paused. His real account already used his real email address, but he did have a backup. 

There were a lot of things that required a more… private email address that wasn’t associated with him, personally or professionally. Things like making a hotel reservation, or placing online orders of certain… things. Compared to arranging clandestine hookups with his greatest rival or purchasing objects that made him blush the whole time he was entering his card information, making an account to write book reviews was tame, no matter what the books were about. 

He’d need a username, too. One that didn’t have any identifying information. He confidently typed AnonymousReviewer and received an immediate error message. Username unavailable. Try: AnonymousReviewer9fv9q7 ! He paused. Well, no. That was awful and he hated the look of it.

AnonymousReviewer1.

Username unavailable. Try: AnonymousReviewer029gh5 !

AnonymousReviewer123.

Username unavailable. Try: AnonymousReviewer19s83f !

Well. That complicated things. He refused to have a string of randomly-generated characters in his username, though. It was insulting.

Maybe something about hockey? Something not at all specific to Shane Hollander or the MLH, but he was planning to look for hockey-er hockey romances, and he would definitely review them based on their hockey representation. Hockey was the lens he was reading through, because hockey was the lens he looked at everything through. 

HockeyExpert. 

Did that sound arrogant? 

It was true, though, even if the people reading his reviews didn’t know it, and besides. This account wasn’t a celebrity. He probably wouldn’t get very many views, so there wouldn’t be anyone to be offended. That was okay with him. He was reviewing mostly for himself, anyway. He hit Enter.

Username unavailable. Try: HockeyExpert1047gw5 !

Now he was annoyed. He was definitely far more of a hockey expert than whoever had claimed the username. But if he needed numbers at the end of whatever he chose? Fine, as long as they were meaningful. 24 would still be too obvious, same with his birth year or draft year, but. Well. There were other meaningful numbers, weren’t there? Numbers relevant to his interest in hockey, and his newfound interest in romance?

Romance novels, that was. No other kind of romance. 

Slowly, he typed: HockeyExpert1410. 

Welcome, HockeyExpert1410! Please enter your password below. 

He exhaled deeply. 

It wasn’t like anyone was ever going to see it and know it was him, and if they did, it’s not like they would know what the numbers meant. There was only one other person who could possibly guess, and he probably didn’t even remember. A lot of people gave Rozanov hotel room numbers, or room keys, or apartment numbers, or random alleys outside of clubs according to a certain trashy tabloid cover that he definitely hadn’t glared at the whole time the cashier was ringing up his items. So it was a safe username, even if it made him feel some sort of way he couldn’t put his finger on when he read it back. 

He navigated the site to the page for Going For The Gold and was excited to see it was relatively popular. He was interested in reading other reviews—after he’d posted his own, of course. He never read any reviews until he’d sorted out his own opinions. He wanted to authentically capture how the book made him feel, not how other people’s interpretations made him feel. 

GOING FOR THE GOLD

HockeyExpert1410

Stars: 4 out of 5

This book is the first romance novel I have read, and I did enjoy it. For the most part, Addie is an accurate representation of a professional athlete competing at an advanced level, with all of the pressures that includes. 

…

But I kept being taken out of the story by Fae for a number of reasons. First of all, his nickname. The Timberwolf? As a nickname given by fans or the media, it definitely works, but every time one of his teammates called him that, I cringed. Hockey nicknames by teammates are either convenient or mocking. When players have long names, short nicknames make it easier to communicate quickly on the ice (see Griffinson with the Nomads as Griff, Rozanov with the Raiders as Roz). Players with one-syllable names like Timm don’t need shortened names (see Pike with the Metros, Kent with the Guardians). Other nicknames reference an embarrassing incident, often from their rookie years (see Upton, also with the Guardians, as “Upchuck.”) Captains might be somewhat immune to embarrassing nicknames, but that doesn’t mean they’re getting cool ones (see Hunter with the Admirals, Hollander with the Metros, neither with nicknames from their teammates). I have never encountered a professional hockey player whose teammates nicknamed him something badass. Timm is highly skilled and has several awards, but not as many as Hollander or Rozanov, neither of whom have teammates as oddly sycophantic as Timm’s. Maybe they’d call him that to make fun of him, but not seriously or respectfully. Also, shouldn’t it have been Timmberwolf, with two Ms? 

…

And where in the season does this book take place? Unless the fictional “NHL’s” season is offset from our MLH’s, the timeline of this book would have him missing far too much practice and game time far too close to the playoffs. Seasonal indicators in the text, like the weather and Addie’s competition timeline, imply…

…

The book calls it a “midseason break,” which does not exist. If Timm had been the one to have surgery, he’d be on IR or LTIR, depending on the severity and his necessary recovery time, but an extended break to care for a loved one is only for emergencies and is still likely to have consequences for the player’s career. The amount of support Timm’s mother must need for him to risk those consequences by taking this much time away from his team does not align with the amount of time Timm spends at the rink, or on dates with Addie. His actions in the book, while reasonable for Addie’s love interest, are not reasonable for an “NHL” captain. 

…

The development of the characters’ relationship, though slightly rushed, is good. Addie’s internal conflict is well-executed and well-explained. Her figure skating career is depicted largely accurately. Inaccuracies in Fae, his career, and hockey in general detracted from my ability to enjoy the book, however, the way the story centered around Addie made these inaccuracies less relevant to the plot and therefore easier to ignore. For someone less interested, educated, and experienced in hockey than myself, they would likely not seem as severe, so I will rate this book 4 stars out of 5 and look for a more hockey-focused book to read next. As I said, I am entirely new to romance and largely new to fiction, so recommendations are appreciated.  

Chapter End Notes

I’ve never used Goodreads. Any differences in how this works compared to goodreads are because it’s not goodreads. Definitely very legally distinct.

A note on this romance novel and all others:
Again, this is all pulled entirely out of nowhere. Beyond googling names to make sure that neither of these names belong to real-life famous people I’ve never heard of, no research was done. These are not real competitions. I do not know how figure skating competitions work and I am not going to learn. Owala Cup is hilarious though.

Chapter 3: summer 2013, offseason

Chapter Notes

Reminder that I'm following book canon! It's largely the same, but there are a few inconsistencies with the Pike kids. First of all, timeline might not quite line up, but the big one is names. The Pike twins in the show are Ruby and Emma, in the books they're Ruby and Jade. I'm using book names!

Also, Jackie Pike completely took over this chapter and the next. Not quite sure how we got here, but here we are. Love her. Let's go.

Shane’s review was… moderately well-received. Someone called him arrogant for his username and said he was making up the Upton/Upchuck thing, which made him realize that wasn’t actually common knowledge, but clearly they hadn’t believed him anyway, so it was fine. There were fans of the book who were offended by his criticisms of the hockey representation, but his username was Hockey Expert (1410), and most of them were placated by his four-star rating. Other than that, it was largely positive, with a lot of people welcoming him as a newcomer to the romance novel scene. He’d gotten almost as much engagement as he did on his celebrity account, which scared him for a moment, but it seemed that a lot more people read romance novels than hockey player memoirs. The most interesting part of the whole experience was the differences in conversations between fans in nonfiction and fictional spaces. Shane learned about shipping and ship names when someone referenced “TimmBurnWolf.” He and the commenter agreed that it was a good thing their last names worked for a decent combination name, since Faddie or Addae would be awful. They worked almost too well, actually, and the “shipper” had explained that, since this was a romance novel, the author had probably done that on purpose. (And some content he’d seen on Twitter about something called “Shayden” was suddenly making uncomfortably more sense, but he was refusing to think about that.) (Or about “Huntander.” “Shayden” was at least based on their strong friendship, but he’d met Scott like twice! And, honestly. In what universe would Scott Hunter ever be gay? ….And even if he were, in what universe would someone like him be into someone like Shane? Shane still didn’t know how he’d pulled Rozanov, other than the convenience of being the only other guy who liked guys in the league.) There was a whole fan community that was excited to have him, and they’d left him more recommendations than he knew what to do with.

Several people said that if he hated the hockey season timeline inconsistencies so much, he should try Tongues Will WAG. The book followed a new WAG over a single season and was generally agreed to do so fairly accurately. Shane decided to give it a shot. He’d never been a WAG, obviously, but he thought he probably had a solid enough grasp on how it worked to judge the book fairly. He’d have to find a copy later, though; he had a more important WAG to worry about. 

Hayden had made Shane swear not to tell anyone before saying anything, but he’d admitted he was a little relieved to be out of Stanley contention that year. Coming from anyone else on the team, it would have landed wrong, damaging Shane’s trust in their dedication, but Hayden had an excuse: Jackie was terrifyingly pregnant and was due in the first week of May. Ruby and Jade had been born right on time and were, by all accounts, happy, healthy, and beautiful. Shane hadn’t met them yet; after some consultation with his mother, he’d sent Jackie a very thorough care package, had a few meals delivered, then stayed the hell out of the way until he was invited. 

He was invited today, and only slightly scared. He didn’t have any younger siblings and hadn’t met his younger cousins until they were at least moderately mobile and verbal. He hadn’t spent any time around babies in his life, but Jackie had summoned him, and so he would go. 

Hayden opened the door wild-haired, wild-eyed, puke-stained, and grinning. 

“Hey! Man, am I glad to see you. I’m being kicked out!”

He stepped out of the doorway so Shane could come in.

“Are you allowed to change your shirt before you’re evicted?”

Hayden looked down, confused, but, when he spotted the stains, entirely unsurprised.

“Hopefully!” 

Shane walked into the living room. Jackie was sitting in the middle of the carpet, a rocker containing a baby to either side. She was less wild-haired, but only because her hair was clipped back. She was equally wild-eyed and puke-stained.

“Shane! Hello! Hayden, go away.” 

“Yes, ma’am.” 

Hayden gave her a salute and left the room immediately. Shane stood awkwardly. 

“So… trouble in paradise?”

Jackie made grabby hands at him. 

“I want to hug you but I don’t think I can stand up on my own.” 

Shane pulled her to her feet and hugged her. He tried to be gentle, but Jackie wasn’t having it, squeezing him tightly before stepping back. 

“One of us needs to go to the store. I have decided that because I just had my vagina ripped in half, I have earned a get out of errands free card. Neither of us have laid eyes on a human being over the age of zero in weeks, apart from our local Amazon delivery man, who is starting to get very concerned. If he gets to go out to see actual adults, I get to stay in and see actual adults! Adult. Singular. Just you.” 

She paused to take a breath. Her starvation for adult, non-Hayden conversation was very, very visible. 

“Also, I’m not ready to be outnumbered by them just yet, so. Hi. Playdate with Uncle Shane. They don’t play much yet.” 

That was a lot of information all at once. Shane paused, processed, and started from the beginning.

“Don’t forget I’m happy to go to the store for you guys if you need, just say the word. You have earned all the get out of errands free cards you want, for the rest of time. If it helps, the babies are technically some decimal age, so they can count as over the age of zero if it will make you feel better.” 

Jackie grinned at him. 

“I appreciate it, but getting out of the house will be good for him! Maybe just until they’re one, just to be fair to Hayden. You do not need to calculate a decimal age and that does not make me feel better, but I love you for trying. Sit down, I’ll introduce you!”

By the time Hayden came back in a clean shirt and partially brushed hair, Shane was seated on the couch holding Ruby. He knew it was Ruby because she was the twin wearing red. Jackie hated the idea that colors belonged to genders and had already picked yellow for the nursery before they’d known they were having twins, and her cousin with twin boys swore that color-coding them had saved her life and sanity when they were little, so Twin A and Twin B were assigned Twin Red and Twin Green before they’d known the sexes. The colors stuck, the names followed, and Shane nodded politely when he was told this story, bought red and green duplicates of three different items on the gift registry, and politely did not ask if the next ones would be named Sapphire and Amethyst. 

“Alright. I am wearing a clean shirt. I have my phone if there’s an emergency. I am going to go get everything on the list, and then I will be right back.”

“Keys?” asked Jackie.

“Wallet?” asked Shane.

“List?” asked Jackie again.

Hayden did the awkward dance where he patted every pocket on his person, plus a few areas where there were no pockets, tilting his head as he judged what was in each one, then grinned triumphantly.

“Yes! Yes! And yes!” 

He crossed the room to the couch, bending over and kissing Jade on the head. 

“I love you, my darling!”

He kissed Ruby on the head. 

“I love you, my dear!”

He straightened up and kissed Jackie on the head.

“I love you, my love!”

He kissed Shane on the head last. 

“I love you too, buddy!”

He practically bounced out the door. Shane turned to Jackie. 

“So, was that sleep deprivation, or has fatherhood made him that much more affectionate than usual?”

Jackie frowned, considering.

“Honestly? It could really go either way.”

Jade burbled slightly as if she were agreeing. Jackie bounced her slightly, glancing down to make sure she wasn’t about to start crying, then turned to face Shane more directly.

“So! How have you been?”

Shane looked at her, incredulously. 

“Fine? Shouldn’t I be asking you that?”

Jackie snorted. 

“This is how I’ve been. I have babies. They are very small. They cry a lot. They poop a lot. I love them more than life itself. They are not good conversationalists just yet. Hayden is here with me all day every day and I also love him oh-so-very dearly but we both need to get out of each other’s hair for a minute. So tell me some gossip. I need to live vicariously through someone else’s drama.”

“When do I ever have interesting drama?” 

“I don’t know! It’s been a minute! Maybe you’ve gotten a secret girlfriend since the last time we spoke.”

Shane gave her a look. She laughed.

“I know, I know, you have other priorities, but when was the last time you spoke to a woman?”

He opened his mouth, but she cut him off before he could say anything in his own defense.

“A woman who wasn’t me, your mother, or someone you were talking to in a professional capacity.”

Shane paused. He considered it briefly.

“I had a very nice conversation with a woman in a bar the week before the season ended.”

“And?!” Jackie waggled her eyebrows at him. Shane tried not to cringe.

“And we talked, and it was nice, then I had to carry Berkes’ drunk ass home.”

Jackie huffed, slumping back against the cushions. 

“Did you get her number?”

“She was a lesbian.” 

“You need more non-hockey friends, too! You should have gotten it anyway! What was her name?”

Shane froze.

Shit. 

He didn’t even try to defend himself. Jackie knew him too well and read it from his face immediately. Her jaw dropped.

“Shane! You had a very nice conversation with her and didn’t even get her name?!” 

“It didn’t occur to me! She didn’t ask for mine, either!” 

“That does not make it better!” 

“Yes, it does!”

“No! You should have—”

Ruby saved Shane from whatever Jackie was about to say next. Unfortunately, she did so by starting to cry. In less than ten seconds, Jade was crying, too. Shane looked at Jackie in a very dignified manner, not at all terrified. 

She laughed, definitely not at the look on his face.

“You didn’t make them cry, I promise. It’s time to feed them again.”

She gently laid Jade on her knees and stripped her shirt off. Shane made very firm eye contact with Ruby. Jackie laughed at him again. 

“You know, maybe you don’t have a girlfriend because you’re scared of boobs.”

Shane looked up in outrage, then immediately looked away again. Jackie laughed harder.

“I am not scared. I am respectful.” 

“Sure, honey. Whatever you say.” Jackie shifted Jade into her left arm and got her latched, then reached for Ruby with her right. “Hand her to me, will you?”

Shane very respectfully did. They sat in silence for a moment.

Jackie broke it. 

“You have two options here. Entertain me with your life, or entertain me with someone else’s.”

“Whose?”

“You don’t have gossip from anyone else? Really?”

“No? It’s the offseason.”

“This is what I mean when I say you need more non-hockey friends.” Jackie sighed. “Fine. Fictional drama, then. There’s a book on the floor under the coffee table, you can read it out loud to me.”

Shane got up to get the book.

“Will I understand what’s happening, or can you catch me up?”

“I haven’t started it yet. My WAG book club is reading it next month. I’m skipping this month because Babies and thought if I start it early I might actually stand a chance of finishing it on time, but I haven’t had both hands free for longer than a very quick shower in a week, so congratulations, you’re my audiobook now.”

Shane picked up the book and almost dropped it again. It had a pastel purple cover that looked like what would happen if you asked a cartoonist to recreate the Mean Girls DVD cover without any being sued for plagiarism. The bright pink title said TONGUES WILL WAG in one of those annoying fonts where all the letters are capitalized, but the letters that should actually be capitalized are stretched oddly to make them taller than the rest without actually being bigger. It got the point across—WAG was clearly “more” in all caps than the rest of the words, so the acronym and pun would land correctly—but that didn’t make it any better of a stylistic choice. 

“Hey,” snapped Jackie. “No laughing. It’s supposed to be really good, and also, if you make fun of me, I’ll probably cry, and then Hayden will get home and kill you for making his recently postpartum wife cry, and then he’ll cry because his best friend is dead, and then the girls will cry because they always cry when other people cry, don’t ask me how we learned that one, and then Hayden will cry more because he hates it when they cry, and I’ll cry because everyone around me is crying, and all of that could have been avoided if you would have just respected my literary choices.”

Shane blinked, processing all of that. 

“I don’t think that’s necessary. I respect your literary choices. I’m laughing because a bunch of people recommended me this one.”

Jackie glared. 

“Okay, now I know you’re making fun of me.”

“No, really!”

Shane sat back down.

“Who the hell is recommending Shane Hollander a cheesy WAG romance novel? I’ve never seen you touch fiction in your life, and you famously don’t have a WAG, no matter how many of my friends have literally begged me to make an introduction.”

Shane grinned. He loved Jackie like an older sister, and she loved him like a little brother, and the most fun part of being a little brother was saying things you knew would piss your older sister off. 

“The woman at the bar.” 

“The— Shane.” 

“Jackie.”

“If my hands were free, I’d be throwing this pillow at you.”

“If your hands were free, you’d be reading your own book instead of asking me to read it to you.”

“Shut up. If my hands were free, I’d be doing the damn dishes. You mean, all it takes to get you to read sexy hockey romance novels is someone suggesting it?! Shut up, I’d have had you read Icing Penalty literally forever ago, you asshole!”

“She made a good argument!”

“You didn’t even get her name but you got her book recommendations? SHANE.”

Shane was laughing as quietly as possible. 

“She didn’t ask mine, either!”

“You are the worst.” Jackie huffed. “What kind of conversation led to this random woman looking at you and deciding you needed to read Tongues Will WAG?”

“Well, she didn’t recommend this one specifically, just hockey romance in general.”

“And you’re absolutely sure she wasn’t hitting on you?”

“Oh my god, yes. She told me so.”

Jackie cackled hard enough to disturb the twins. The conversation paused briefly while she resettled them, then resumed. 

“I think I need to hear this whole thing from the beginning so it makes any sense at all.”

So Shane summed up his conversation with the woman from the bar. Jackie had seen women throw themselves at him in bars before, and she’d seen him be painfully immune to flirting from three different bridesmaids at her wedding to Hayden. Nothing the woman at the bar said would surprise her, other than her recommendation. 

“You know, I’d never thought of it that way before, but it definitely makes sense. I’m a bit surprised she’d recommend this one specifically though, it’s definitely more about WAG interpersonal drama than about the players.”

“No, she just recommended hockey romance as a genre.”

“Then who…?”

She trailed off, looking at him expectantly. 

Shane paused. He considered it for a moment. This was Jackie he was talking to. She wouldn’t tell Hayden if he asked her not to, especially not if he explained why. Hayden somehow spoiled his own proposal twice and had never successfully surprised her since. Secrets were not his forte, and she’d understand why this wasn’t something he wanted getting out in the locker room. 

“That would be the commenters on my BetterReads review of Going For The Gold.”

Jackie’s eyes went wide.

“Oh, I bet that one pissed you off so bad, didn’t it? The captain never actually playing with his team because he’s too busy trying to screw a figure skater?”

Shane cringed.

“Yeah, pretty much. My review was very honest.”

“How many stars?”

“I’m not telling you that.”

Jackie pouted.

“Why not?”

“Because that’s a starting point. You are not finding my account.”

“Why not???”

“Because a man needs some mystery, Jackie.”

Jackie wheezed, holding herself as stiffly as possible so she wouldn’t wake the twins, who had fallen asleep nursing. 

“Oh, my god. You’re going to kill me. Shut up and start reading.”

Shane pulled his legs up onto the couch, leaning further into his little corner, and started to read. It was quiet for a moment before Jackie figured out what was happening.

“Oh, my god, you asshole. Read it out loud.”

“You said shut up!” 

“You are the worst, you know that?”

“Aw, you know you love me.” 

Jackie looked down at the sleeping twins and stage whispered to them, “Uncle Shane is a big meanie! Just the worst.”

Shane definitely did not tear up at being called Uncle Shane. He hadn’t the first time, either. Anyone who said otherwise was lying. He cleared his throat and started to read the book, out loud this time. 

He made it all the way through two and a half chapters before Jackie fell asleep. He grabbed a stray baby sock from the floor to use as a bookmark before setting the book down and getting to his feet as slowly as possible so the couch cushions wouldn’t shift too suddenly. He tip-toed to the corner of the room, where a crib on wheels was sitting. As much as she joked around and laughed, Jackie was struggling—she’d admitted to Hayden, who’d told Shane, that letting the twins out of her sight was extremely difficult, even for the seventeen seconds it took to grab a glass of water from the kitchen and come back. The crib on wheels had been Hayden’s idea, allowing her to hang out in the living room or kitchen without panicking. Shane rolled the crib over to Jackie. Then, slowly, slowly, gently—he took the sleeping Jade from the sleeping Jackie’s arm and laid her in the crib. Then he froze and held his breath. 

Five seconds passed, then ten. No one woke up. 

Just as slowly and gently, he transferred Ruby to the crib as well, then froze again. 

No one woke up. He grabbed the cheesy Metros throw blanket from the back of the couch and tucked it around Jackie, then pushed the crib the last few inches so it was pressed against the couch, boxing Jackie in in a crib of her own. Her shoulder and left foot were now pressed softly against the wooden slats of the crib so it would be impossible to miss it when she woke up.

Shane stood there for a minute, making sure everyone asleep was going to stay asleep. Then he went to the kitchen to do the dishes. 

Some time later, Hayden got home. Shane heard the car in the driveway and hurried for the door, opening it, stepping out, and shutting it behind him before Hayden made it to the porch. 

“Shhhhhh!”

Hayden paused. 

“Hello to you too? I come bearing groceries?”

“Hey, Hayd. Everyone is asleep in the living room, come in quietly.” 

“Aw, shit, they haven’t been out long, have they? The doctor said it’s okay to hold them until they fall asleep but we have to put them down after in case we fall asleep too. It’s not safe to just like, pass out on the couch together, in case we roll over or something.”

Shane rolled his eyes. 

“I’ve heard of the rules for safe sleeping, I’m not an idiot.”

“No, you’re just a single man with no kids. So they’re good?”

“See for yourself.”

Hayden crept inside while Shane went to the car and grabbed the rest of the bags. He took them to the kitchen then went back to the living room, where Hayden was watching his sleeping family with a sappy look on his face. He took Hayden’s bags from him and was fully ignored while he did so, taking them to the kitchen as well.

“You should grab a nap, too.”

Hayden startled. If he hadn’t heard Shane come back, it could mean Shane was good at walking quietly enough not to wake sleeping infants, or it could just mean he was as exhausted as the rest of his household.

“What?”

“Go to bed, dumbass.”

Hayden started to object, but cut himself off with a yawn. Shane raised an eyebrow at him. He grinned sheepishly, curled up on the couch opposite his wife, and promptly passed out. 

Shane rolled his eyes and went to put away the groceries. Ten minutes later, he swapped out the baby-sock-bookmark for the grocery receipt so he could throw in a load of laundry. Five minutes later, he was sitting on the laundry room floor so he could stop the machine the minute before it was finished so the little beeping timer song didn’t wake anyone up. The grocery receipt was no longer being used as a bookmark because Shane was reading ahead. He could always backtrack to keep reading to Jackie later. If he finished it without her, she would forgive him. Especially if the laundry was folded and ready to be put away. 

Chapter End Notes

There's one comma in this that drove me goddamn nuts. If you guess which one it was I'll name a romance novel protagonist after you. If it's correct, tell me! If it's not, don't.

Chapter 4: late summer, preseason for 2013/2014

Chapter Notes

Jesus christ this chapter got away from me. Jackie Pike supremacy I guess??????

Anyway, 400 subscribers is my new personal best by a landslide, so hi everyone!! Here's chapter 4. I proofread it several times, then did one additional scan to make sure I kept it consistent which adult was holding which twin. When I was a stage manager I would do script reads tracking each specific prop to make sure I knew where they needed to be at all times. That, but the props are babies.

CWs, do I need to warn for a brief mention of a side character (NOT JACKIE) baby trapping her husband?

The end of the summer found Shane sharing a couch with Jackie again, leaning against opposite arms and each holding a baby. Jade was playing her favorite game, Chew On Uncle Shane’s Hands. Shane was not having the most pleasant time, but this was a developmentally appropriate behavior, so he would permit it.

This had become somewhat routine: Shane coming by the house and keeping Jackie company while Hayden ran errands. She’d gotten a solid forty minutes of napping in before the twins were hungry, during which time Shane had picked up baby toys that had been scattered all over to be tripped on, shaken out the tummy time mat outside (he would have preferred to vacuum it, but that would have been too loud), and swept the kitchen, dining room, and front hallway. This was also routine. Jackie and Hayden would both tell him it wasn’t necessary, that it wasn’t his job to clean up after them, and he’d smile and nod and do it again next time. They’d discussed hiring a cleaner to help out, but Jackie wasn’t comfortable with a stranger in the house just yet, so they’d tabled that conversation until the twins were a little older. In the meantime, Shane, as the only adult in the house getting a full night’s sleep every night, was happy to help. 

Now, with Jackie awake and Hayden due back soon, they were back on the couch.

“I’m learning I probably gave some very bad advice to a rookie a while back.”

“...What did you do.”

“You know that argument Ella had with the WAGs in chapter, I think 17?”

“The one where Anna implied Ella was a gold digger?”

Shane cringed.

“Yes. That one.”

Jackie narrowed her eyes.

“The one where Anna told Ella that Rory’s hockey career was more important than her little academic hobby and if she ever wanted to upgrade to a W instead of just a G she’d need to get that through her head quick, before he left her for someone who would?”

Shane cringed even harder.

“Yes. Yeah. Um. That one.”

“The one where Anna called Ella’s whole entire degree a hobby and implied her studying for her dream career was pointless because if she married Rory she would have to quit to focus on him and their kids? And told her that abandoning her dreams to take care of a man was a privilege?”

Shane was dying inside and it definitely showed on his face.

“Yes, Jackie, that argument. I also read the book. You don’t need to quote it back at me.”

“Shane Jackson Hollander.”

“I don’t have a middle name, and you can’t just name me after you when you’re mad at me!” 

“I can and I will! What did you do?!”

“I didn’t mean to! It just hadn’t—okay, this is going to sound really bad.”

“What.”

“It hadn’t actually occurred to me that a WAG might want a job?”

“SHANE HAYDEN HOLLANDER.” 

“Okay, so, no, that’s definitely worse.”

“What the hell do you mean?”

“It just didn’t occur to me!”

“You said that! What does that mean?”

“I’m not trying to be like, sexist, or whatever! But I don’t know a single WAG with a job!”

“Beverly is a therapist!”

“Who the hell is Beverly?”

“Beverly Loudon!”

“…Loudon is married?”

“How did you not know that? He’s on your team!”

“Well, I’m sorry for not knowing that the guy who has a ranked list of the strip clubs in every city we play in has a wife.”

“He has a what?”

“He does! He gives it to rookies and tries to make it a whole team bonding thing at least once per season.”

Jackie opened her mouth again, then paused, taking a deep breath.

“Okay. I have three questions. One, does the team actually go to strip clubs together? Two, what do you mean you didn’t think WAGs could have jobs? Three, what the hell advice did you give a rookie?”

“One, yes. Not everyone. I don’t go, obviously. That is not my idea of fun. Hayden doesn’t go, obviously. Most of the married guys don’t go, which is why I didn’t know Loudon was married. For a guy so ready to make homophobic chirps on the ice, it has never made sense to me how much he wants to spend his nights sitting around getting hard with other men, especially his coworkers.”

Shane rolled his eyes. Jackie snorted.

“Two, you are a stay-at-home mom to twins. When you and Hayden got married, this was the plan you talked about. You know, minus the whole, surprise, double baby, thing. Clarice Drapeau is a stay at home mom to one kid. Melanie Comeau is a stay-at-home to three kids. I’ve met four of Mitty’s girlfriends and they’ve all made comments assuming they’ll quit their jobs when they marry him. One of them told me she went to college to learn how to homeschool her future kids, and was embarrassed to admit she was 23 and still not married. It’s not like I thought WAGs shouldn’t have jobs like Anna is saying, but based on all the WAGs I’ve met, I assumed not having to get a job was kind of the point of marrying a professional athlete.”

Jackie considered it for a moment, then sighed.

“Okay, there’s definitely some truth to that. Yes, there are definitely lots of Annas. Clarice definitely wanted to be a hot woman wearing a hot man’s jersey in the family section so she could be shown on the jumbotron and everyone would be jealous of her.”

Shane wrinkled his nose. 

“Then why did she go for a goalie?”

“I said that’s what she wanted, not that’s what she got. And Melanie definitely wanted to marry a professional athlete so she could spend his money. Gilbert is the only one who thinks baby number one was an accident, if you get my drift.”

“I do not get your drift.”

“Do not repeat this, but all the WAGs know. Melanie got herself a super conservative boyfriend from a family that doesn’t believe in abortion or divorce then lied about being on birth control so when she got pregnant, they could say oopsies! and he would have to marry her. She brags about baby trapping him, and gives tips to the new girlfriends about how to pull it off.”

Shane was horrified. 

“People actually do that?!”

“Yes! It’s a good thing you’re not one for casual sex, because sweetie, you’d be one hell of a target.”

“I know that, but like. Really?! When I got my first girlfriend back in high school, my mom gave me a box of condoms and a very thorough talk about how important it was to never trust a girl who said she had contraception handled so I shouldn’t worry about it. I just thought she was being paranoid!”

“Nope! Proactive and practical. So on a scale of one to ten, how awkward—”

“Ten. I wanted to die.”

Jackie nodded. 

“I respect your mother even more now.” 

Shane didn’t know Melanie that well, but yikes. 

“But they didn’t all—”

“No! No, no, there’s a lot more Ellas than there are Annas, I promise.”

Jackie transferred Ruby to her other arm and shifted her weight, settling into the couch more comfortably. 

“I know it doesn’t seem that way, but there really are.”

“So why don’t I know any of them?”

“Well, first of all, we all spend team-and-family events chatting with each other instead of sucking up to the Captain.”

“…That’s a fair point.”

Jackie grinned. 

“You mostly get to interact with the girlfriends who think if the Captain likes her, the player will keep her, or the wives who think it’s her job to play socialite and make the Captain happy. The rest of us are having a lot more fun.”

“The bar is very low.”

“Do you mean you’re not having fun, or they’re not having fun?”

“Probably both? Talking to me isn’t supposed to be a job interview.”

“Tough shit, Cap.”

Shane frowned.

“So what about the rest of you?”

“Well, like I said, Beverly is a therapist. She doesn’t want kids, ever. Chrissy works for a local nonprofit, her two are in school now but they went straight to daycare when her maternity leave was up. Emma does graphic design, but she does work from home. She and Keith want kids but they’re not in a hurry. They’re not trying, but they’re not preventing, either. And Dana’s a chef, actually! She’s staying at home right now so they don’t have to leave Grace with a stranger until she can communicate if anything happens, but they’ve been working with an AAC specialist and she’s making great progress. Her care team thinks she’s on track to start school this year, so she’ll only be a year behind her age group. Dana’s super excited to get back to work if that works out. And you can’t match any of those names to a player, can you?”

She didn’t seem to be judging him, but Shane still felt bad. 

“Honestly, I’m struggling to place Keith.”

“Keith Hammerly.”

“Oh! Hammertime! Yes! Sorry, I don’t think I’ve heard his first name used, maybe ever. Keith. Okay. Hm.”

Jackie shook her head fondly. 

“You hockey boys, I swear. You’ve probably met all the girls at least once. Emma hates that sort of social thing, so maybe not her, but the rest, I think so.”

“Probably?” He considered it for a moment. “I’ve met Dana! She’s Berglund’s wife! They brought Grace to tour the facilities when he got traded here. Sweet kid. Loved stacking the pucks. Hated the mascot.”

“A girl after your own heart, huh?”

“That thing is creepy! His eyes are wrong!”

Jackie laughed at him softly, then paused. 

“I don’t think I ever told you that that’s my plan.”

“That what is?”

“Going to work someday. No shade to the WAGs who take pride in their homemaking, but I worked my ass off for my degree because I loved it, and not needing the money doesn’t mean I don’t still want to do the work.”

Shane stilled, stopping the absentminded pattern he’d been stroking on a sleepy Jade’s back with three fingers. He looked at Jackie. She looked wistful.

“Am I a bad friend for not knowing what your degree is in?”

“No. I don’t think it ever came up. Most of our conversations were hockey-related, then wedding-planning-related, then baby-planning-related. I’ve always known I wanted a big family, and when I met Hayden, it all fell into place so quickly. It was easy to put that on the backburner, and it’ll stay there for a few years.”

Shane frowned. He couldn’t think of anything that would make him put his career on the backburner. He’d never really thought about kids, or what sort of woman he’d want to have them with, but maybe it was a good thing he didn’t really date. He’d be a pretty absent dad, traveling all season and doing sponsorship commitments on his days and summers off, and he didn’t intend to retire any time soon. 

“Hey Jackie?”

“Yes?”

“What did you study?”

Jackie looked up at him and smiled. 

“Sports communication and media, broadcast journalism concentration. You know I’ve been a hockey fan my whole life, but I couldn’t be less interested in playing. I do love talking about it though. I had a special on my college radio station, actually. I reported games live. It was pretty popular, too.”

She smirked.

“Until halfway through the season my junior year, when the guys’ team was getting their asses kicked so badly it was embarrassing to keep reporting on them. I started doing the girls’ games instead. The boys were maaaaad, but our listenership actually went up. Between the novelty of hearing the girls’ games, the novelty of hearing us win a game, and the feminist club getting all their members to host listening parties, it became one of our top programs, but one of the boys’ dads threw a hissy fit about not being able to hear his son’s games, and he was a major donor, so they tried to shut it down.” 

“Did they manage it?”

“Not a chance in hell. We ended up splitting it into two shows, one for the guys and one for the girls, but when I graduated, I got a special award for some of the highest listening numbers the program had ever seen, and the girls’ team got a donation of some nice new gear. So, I call it a win.”

Shane was actually a little offended he hadn’t heard this story before.

“That’s so badass.”

“I should implement a swear jar around here.”

Shane rolled his eyes.

“They can’t understand me.”

“It’s never too early to start forming good habits.”

The two sat in silence for a minute.

“So is that your plan? Commentating?”

“If I can, yeah.”

“For the Metros?”

“Not a chance in hell. Montréal Vicieux all the way.” 

“Hell yeah.”

“Swear jar!”

“I’m not doing that.”

“I’ll get it to catch on. And don’t think you’ve distracted me from asking what bad advice you gave that poor rookie.” 

Shane had hoped that he had, but, oh well. 

“I’m going to defend myself in advance by reminding you that you just said the only women who talk to me are the ones auditioning to be stay-at-home WAGs.”

“You’re not setting yourself up for success here.”

“I know. Did you ever meet Popkin? The rookie we had for literally a year before trading him to Tampa Bay?”

“Probably not. Continue.”

“Well, he was complaining that his girlfriend kept bitching that she went to a lot of his games to support him, but he never went to any of her stuff because he was always traveling for a game, or playing a game here, or training for a game, or tired from a game.”

“A bad start. Go on.”

“And I may have told him that if she didn’t respect his career, maybe she wasn’t the right choice.”

“Yeesh. Okay, what was her stuff he didn’t go to?”

“I didn’t ask.”

“Yeah, you’re the asshole here, for sure. Not being able to commit to watching her favorite TV show weekly as episodes drop on game days? Fair. Her being mad about it? Unreasonable. But refusing to go to her performance, or her presentation, or her birthday party because you’re tired from practice? Not fair. Her being mad about it? Entirely justified. And the fact that he was complaining, but didn’t give that very important detail means either he didn’t pay enough attention to her to know what he’d missed that hurt her, or he left it out on purpose because he knew it would make him look bad. Either way, not a good look. Add in that she wasn’t arguing with him or complaining or lecturing him, he chose to say that she was bitching about something that clearly upset her? He’s definitely the bad guy in this argument, and I’m on her side. I’ve never met her and I know I’m on her side.”

“Clearly she agrees with you, she dumped him a few weeks later.”

“And let me guess, you told him he’d dodged a bullet?”

“Not in those words, but. Yeah.”

Jackie shook her head. 

“Bar girl was a genius and your life and relationships, both romantic and platonic, are going to benefit from having met her. I wish you could send her flowers or something.”

“They already have, honestly. Even if this book wasn’t as good as Going For The Gold.”

Jackie’s eyebrows went up. 

“An opinion? Tell me more.”

Shane grinned. 

“How long do we have before Hayden gets back?”

<>II<>

TONGUES WILL WAG

HockeyExpert1410

Stars: 2.75 out of 5

This was an interesting look into WAG interpersonal dynamics. I discussed it with a WAG friend of mine, who said it was largely accurate, if not the nicest representation. It was a relief to learn that, at least for my team, the “Ellas” outnumber the “Annas,” not as a judgment of their careers or other choices, but in terms of the constant gossip and put-downs. However, while this raises my opinion of my team’s WAGs, it does lower my opinion of the book for several reasons…

…

I appreciate the people who recommended me this because the hockey season timeline was more accurate than Going For The Gold’s. It definitely was. The rhythm of this season was very accurate, and it integrated well with the progression of Rory and Ella’s relationship. Matching their initial “honeymoon period” with a midseason lull and their increasing relationship issues with pre-playoffs pressure was well done. 

…

I do not understand why their second meeting was as dramatic as it was. Why was she so surprised that he recognized her? I understand that she was starstruck that a famous hockey player remembered her, but he didn’t even remember her name, he just knew that he’d danced with her. It had been less than twelve hours (an assumption; she panicked about realizing it was almost midnight before she left and both say “good morning” in the coffee shop, so it’s probably before noon then) and they danced for most of the night. I would be offended if he hadn’t thought I looked familiar. Ella’s standing up for herself later is not in line with this severe lack of self-esteem. 

…

The biggest reason for my low rating was the lack of conflict resolution. The scheduling of Ella’s graduation ceremony and Rory’s playoff game on the same day was not the problem; Ella ultimately would have understood that Rory wasn’t able to be there because of his job, just like she wasn’t able to be at all of his games because of her assignments. The real issue is that Rory and everyone in his life automatically assumed Ella would skip her own graduation to support Rory. He didn’t even ask her to. He didn’t say it would mean a lot for her to be there. He didn’t even technically invite her. He assumed she’d be there and was shocked to hear she wanted to go to her own graduation, and everyone took his side, ganging up on Ella. The emergency postponement of the game was very convenient (and would never actually happen, as I’ll discuss in the next paragraph) and Ella spotting Rory in the crowd as she walked the stage was a very dramatic moment, but Rory did not actually have to make a choice. He didn’t listen to Ella talk about her feelings and realize he’d been treating her badly, he didn’t stand up for her to the other WAGs, he didn’t choose her graduation over his game (not that I think he should have; it just would have been a more powerful statement). There’s no apology or understanding. No one has challenged the idea that Ella should set aside her own career to support Rory’s, and her thanking him for showing up when he never thanked her for going to any of his games and them both getting onto the plane to go to his next game together reinforces that nothing has actually changed. 

…

…much pettier than my other thoughts, but GftG may have given me unrealistic standards for “ship names.” TimmBurnWolf amused me. I respect a triple pun. What are Rory Syndor and Ella Starling supposed to be, RorElla? Elly? Syndarling? Stardor? None of those are clever. It didn’t influence my rating, but comments on my last review said “ship names” were an important part of the genre, and I was unimpressed.   

COMMENTS: (17)

chicklitsupremacy:

Definitely agree about the male-centeredness. I understand that the men are an important part of most romance novels, but it’s always sad to see a Bechdel test fail. You’re nicer than me. I gave this one a two because it went so hard on making Ella “not like the other girls,” it played right into misogynistic “puck bunny” stereotypes. 

HockeyExpert1410 (OP):

I’m unfamiliar with that test?

(13 responses)

leadheroffthestaircase:

Your comment about the ship name—it’s SyndorElla! Anna is probably a reference to evil stepsister Anastasia, too. I think that’s what caused your problem with the second meeting thing; it didn’t make that much sense because the author was trying too hard to push a Cinderella parallel that didn’t really work. That’s the plane ending, too—riding off into the sunset in the Prince’s carriage. 

HockeyExpert1410 (OP):

Thank you for pointing that out! I missed that. Several things make more sense when reconsidered through that lens. 

leadheroffthestaircase:

I would have missed it too, but the author has a whole series of vaguely fairytale-inspired sports romances. When you look at all of the covers next to each other, the Disney princess color-coding is pretty clear. 

HockeyExpert1410 (OP): 

What an interesting niche. Are the others any better?

leadheroffthestaircase: 

Not at all. You can play a great drinking game with the Little Mermaid one though.

<>II<>

Coach Theriault was not amused when Hayden stumbled onto the bus, four minutes before the last possible moment they could leave without risking being late for their first away game of the season. He scanned the bus and grinned when he saw Shane, throwing himself into the seat next to him. Shane debated with himself whether it was politer to tell Hayden his hoodie was somehow on backwards or ignore it. 

“Good morning.”

“Goodnight, actually!”

“It’s literally morning?”

“And I pulled an all-nighter so Jackie could get one last night of good sleep before I was gone. I told her I could sleep on the bus, and that is what I intend to do!”

He dug through his bag and pulled out a neck pillow, a pair of headphones, and a copy of Finding the Back of the Net: The Roadmap to the Cup. Shane gave the book an off look. He’d given it to Hayden for his birthday a few years ago, but it was mostly a gag gift. Hayden wasn’t a big reader, and if he was, hockey nonfiction would not be his thing.

“You’re actually reading that?”

Hayden snorted. 

“Fuck no, my copy is still on my shelf at home. Probably. I haven’t opened it, and you know it. This one is yours, Jackie said you left it at our place at some point over the summer and if she didn’t get it back to you now, she’d never remember to.”

“…Thanks?”

“No problem, buddy. I’m going to sleep now.”

Shane was baffled, but trusted Jackie. He watched Hayden put on the headphones and neck pillow and flip up his hood to cover his face—maybe it was backwards on purpose, then, but surely a sleep mask would be more comfortable, less suffocating—and sag in his seat. He started snoring almost immediately. 

Shane looked down at the book in his hand. His copy of this particular book was a paperback, and was a little banged up from traveling with him. The copy he was holding had a shiny new dust jacket on it. It was definitely the one he’d given Hayden. He opened the book and immediately closed it, glancing around at his teammates.

No one was paying him any attention. 

He opened the book again. 

Icing Penalty by Destiny M. Chelle. 

He closed it again. Almost put it in his bag. 

He was Shane Hollander, Hockey Robot. No one would question him reading a hockey book, if they even looked closely enough to read the title. 

Damn, Jackie was a genius, even if her swear jar plan clearly wasn’t working.

The bus pulled out of the parking lot. Shane opened the book and started to read.

Chapter End Notes

My way of naming side characters is so complicated and nuanced. Drapeau’s wife is Clarice so they’re Clarice and Patrice. Berglund is named after the Berglund Center, home of the Roanoke Rail Yard Dawgs in the SPHL, because I thought “name a hockey boy” and a friend and I went to one of their games last season. Popkin may or may not have been derived from looking up and seeing my cat, Pumpkin. I am a talented writer who takes my craft very seriously.

Montréal Vicieux are my fictional PWHL team! Check out the Professional Women's Hockey League, all of their games stream live free on YouTube. IRL that's the Montréal Victoire, last year's Walter Cup champs, and they have a married couple on their team! The PWHL is significantly sapphic and it's beautiful. The season is starting soon and I'll be rooting for the Minnesota Frost.

I'm on Threads now! I had an account linked to my personal instagram but couldn't be too unhinged because that's followed by like. Several coworkers and also my mom. And it was making me sad to have to censor it so I made one just to talk about fic things! @_inimitability because the version without the underscore somehow wasn't available. That's homophobic, but okay, we adapt. I posted about a fic I'd just read and some guy tried to mansplain to me how to use the ao3 search bar. We're having a good time out here.

See you soon for chapter 5! December 2013, aka *sex condo.*

Chapter 5: December 2013

Chapter Notes

Surprise Ilya POV??? It’s me, I’m the one who’s surprised.

This fic has made it into my top 5 HR fics! Very exciting. Knocked my Kip-POV and Harris-centric fics out of the running REAL quick lol. Watching my stats is actually super interesting. My socmed finally overtook pop punk fan Shane. They've been neck and neck for like two weeks now.

This chapter is spicier than previous chapters but significantly below canon level because I know where my skills lie and that is NOT it lmao

Sorry for a long time between chapters, I was moving several states. There are many unopened boxes on my floor still.

Enjoyyyyyyyyy!

Ilya couldn’t feel his hands. Or his feet, maybe. He thought he probably still had them both. With how tightly his hands had been gripping the sheets, surely he would have noticed if they’d fallen off, right? He flexed his fingers. Yes, they were still there. 

He had known that he was hooking up with a weird man in his weird sex condo. The problem was that he’d known he was hooking up with a boring man who had a boring sex condo. He didn’t put together the pieces that a weird man in his weird sex condo would want to try a weird sex thing because he was too focused on the boring of it all, and now he had learned his lesson. His very boring lover had somehow learned a new, not boring skill that had blown Ilya’s very not boring mind, and he wasn’t sure how to handle his entire worldview being turned on its head like that. 

Because holy shit, Hollander. 

Where did that come from?

He felt an unexpected surge of jealousy and tried to swallow it. 

Why should he care if Hollander was hooking up with incredibly talented people who taught him tricks Ilya had never even heard of? Ilya was definitely hooking up with more people than Hollander, and he knew he was maybe one of the best Hollander had ever had, so he’d probably taught him a thing or two. 

And then Hollander had used those tricks on other people, apparently, but it was to Ilya’s benefit in the end, so he had no reason to be jealous. None at all. 

“Where did you learn that?”

“Hm?”

Hollander looked over from where he was sitting up against the headboard to Ilya’s right, annoyingly composed. He wasn’t out of breath or seeing God. This new skill wasn’t new to him, showing it off was just another Friday night, apparently. That was fine. 

“Where did you learn how to do that?”

“Do what?”

“Do not play stupid. That thing you just did. Who taught you that?”

Hollander grinned with the same smugness as when he got the puck from Ilya in a particularly violent face-off. Proud of himself, but specifically for besting Ilya, not just for being the best in general. Ilya wanted to kiss it off of his stupid freckly face. 

“So you liked it, then?”

“Obviously, Hollander. Who taught you that?”

Hollander looked startled.

“Oh! Um. No one?”

“You did not pull that out of nowhere, you have never done it before, so you learned it somewhere. What was their name?”

“…Jody.”

“Joh-dee.” Ilya said it slowly, testing it out. He did not like this name. He did not like the way it felt in his mouth or tasted on his tongue. He did not like this Jody, either. “That’s a stupid name. It sounds fake.”

Hollander flushed. 

“It’s not fake, asshole! What do you care, anyway?”

“I do not. You should thank Jody. That’s a good trick.” 

“I’m not going to thank her! Why the hell would I do that, that’s so weird.”

“Is not weird. You do not have to say thank you for teaching me how to be very good to my secret Russian gay lover, you simply get her off an extra time or two next time you see her. Little reward, little thank you on my behalf.”

Hollander looked pissed. 

“There’s no next time I see her! And I wouldn’t want to do anything on your behalf!”

“Why not, if she does things to you like that?”

“I don’t do that!”

“Don’t do what, thank your lovers?”

“Don’t have lovers! Don’t say it like that. She wasn’t a lover.”

“Then what was she?”

“A person I briefly encountered who I don’t think I’ll encounter again.” 

“You are a one-time-only kind of guy? No roster, no girl in every city?”

“No, I don’t have a roster.”

Hollander seemed annoyed, but some secret, possessive part of Ilya was relieved. He wasn’t sure where. Not some possessive part of his heart, which was not involved in this, or his brain, which knew better. Some possessive part of his dick, maybe. Yes, that made sense. 

Some secret, possessive part of Ilya’s dick was relieved that Hollander did not have a roster of women he fucked every time he was in their city. He knew he wasn’t special, but maybe, just a tiny bit, he was. 

He grinned. 

“So rude of you, Hollander, depriving all of the lovely women of the United States and Canada of your skills.”

Hollander huffed.

“Shut up, asshole.” 

“Hmm, no. I do not think I will.”

Hollander hesitated, making that face he made when he was trying to figure out a play. Ilya wasn’t sure what angles he was measuring, what odds he was calculating, but he would never object to having all of Hollander’s beautiful intensity focused on him. 

“And what if I make you?”

Oh. 

Oh, hell yes. 

“I would love to see you try.”

Hollander looked at him and paused before seemingly coming to a decision. Then he slid his left knee up, pressing it deep into the mattress as he put all of his weight on it so he could swing his right leg over Ilya. He dropped down, landing on Ilya’s waist. 

It was the impact of 200 pounds of hockey player that knocked the breath out of Ilya, not the sight of Hollander leaning over him, face still pink under his freckles, eyes sparkling, and hair a mess. 

Then Hollander was making him shut up, while making it very difficult to think of Jody, or of rosters, or of anything else at all. 

<>II<>

Rozanov was being quiet, and Shane was trying not to spiral. It had seemed like a good idea at the time! It had been shockingly hot to read about, and he may have had to put the book down for a minute or two or ten to get his breathing under control the first time he’d read that scene. (And if there was a second time reading that scene, or maybe a third, that was his own business. And if that scene had replayed in his head during a private moment or two in an empty hotel room, with the fictional Robert's buzz cut replaced with longer curls and his soft voice made deeper, rougher, more accented—then that was definitely his own business, and no one needed to know at all, especially not anyone whose name was Rozanov. Or Jackie, for that matter, who could have warned him.)

Maybe that sort of thing was only hot when a woman did it, and that’s why he’d liked reading about it but Rozanov didn’t seem to have liked receiving it. Or maybe Robert wouldn’t have liked it either, the author was just projecting what she liked, and Shane would have more luck trying it on a woman. Or maybe he just wasn’t good at it, and Rozanov could go find a woman who could do it properly later. 

“Where did you learn that?”

“Hm?”

Shane snapped back to attention. He looked down at Rozanov, lying on the bed to Shane’s left, flexing his fingers and staring into space. Rozanov tilted his head slightly so he could stare up at Shane. Flat on his back was a good look on him.

“Where did you learn how to do that?”

Shane hesitated. 

“Do what?”

“Do not play stupid. That thing you just did. Who taught you that?”

That was a good sign, right? He wouldn’t ask where Shane learned how to do something he didn’t like, he’d just tell him not to do it again, right? 

It had to be. Shane could feel his heart rate settling again. Rozanov’s ability to make him stop panicking always surprised him a little, but he appreciated it. 

“So you liked it, then?”

Rozanov rolled his eyes.

“Obviously, Hollander. Who taught you that?”

Oh, shit, Shane hadn’t thought this through, had he? He should have known Rozanov would ask questions, even if it was just to chirp him with the answers. Shit.

“Oh! Um. No one?”

Smooth, Hollander. Real smooth. Genuinely, saying I read it in a book would have been smoother. Rozanov probably wouldn’t have believed him, though, and if he had, Shane would never live it down. The only thing sadder than admitting he had no sex life when Rozanov wasn’t in town was admitting that he had a fictional sex life that Rozanov still somehow managed to intrude on.

“You did not pull that out of nowhere, you have never done it before, so you learned it somewhere. What was their name?”

Well, technically it was—

“Jody.”

Rozanov repeated it slowly, then made a face. Clearly he was not a fan of the name, which seemed a little harsh to Shane. It wasn’t the most common name, maybe, but it was pretty enough. What was Rozanov’s issue?

“That’s a stupid name. It sounds fake.”

Okay, rude. 

“It’s not fake, asshole! What do you care, anyway?”

“I do not. You should thank Jody. That’s a good trick.” 

That stung. When Rozanov did something new with Shane, did he go thank whatever beautiful woman had done it to him first? Did he tell her I took that thing you did to me and used it to make a boring Canadian boy forget how to speak, thank you for helping me make another one of my lovers unable to walk, let me show you how grateful I am? Or did he not need to, because he and the gorgeous models he picked up in clubs all over every country he’d ever been in did so many new and exciting things that everything he did with Shane was boring by comparison, and he didn’t need to thank anyone for giving him something new to try because Shane was the only person he slept with who was boring enough that these things were new to him?

“I’m not going to thank her! Why the hell would I do that, that’s so weird.”

Rozanov sort of shrugged, as much as he could while lying there. It was enough to get his dismissiveness across. 

“Is not weird. You do not have to say thank you for teaching me how to be very good to my secret Russian gay lover, you simply get her off an extra time or two next time you see her. Little reward, little thank you on my behalf.”

Shane really hadn’t needed to know that much detail. What Rozanov and his real women got up to was about as much Shane’s business as what Shane and his fictional women got up to was Rozanov’s. 

“There’s no next time I see her. And I wouldn’t want to do anything on your behalf.”

“Why not, if she does things to you like that?”

Because she wasn’t real. Because he was imagining himself in her place, not with her. Because—

“I don’t do that!”

“Don’t do what, thank your lovers?”

Ew!

“Don’t have lovers! Don’t say it like that. She wasn’t a lover.”

“Then what was she?”

A fictional fucking character, that’s what. Why the fuck was Rozanov pushing this so much?!

“A person I briefly encountered who I don’t think I’ll encounter again.” 

“You are a one-time-only kind of guy? No roster, no girl in every city?”

He didn’t sound surprised, just mocking and a little tense. Was he trying to rub it in? Shane wished he were a one-time-only kind of guy. It would be a lot easier than whatever the hell this was that he had going on with Rozanov. Much less of a bad idea, too. 

“No, I don’t have a roster.”

Something in Rozanov’s face changed, but Shane had never been very good at reading expressions. His eyes were different. Softer, maybe? Like his forehead was more relaxed, and Shane hadn’t noticed how firm his expression had been until it wasn’t anymore. Something with his eyebrows had moved, too. His signature smirk leveled out into a more genuine grin. Still amused and still a little mocking, but less like he was laughing at Shane and more like Shane was invited into the joke, too. Maybe Shane was flattering himself by thinking he could tell the difference, assuming he was allowed to see behind Rozanov’s asshole persona the same way Rozanov broke through Shane’s own Good Boy media training, but he was really starting to think it might be true.  

“So rude of you, Hollander, depriving all of the lovely women of the United States and Canada of your skills.”

“Shut up, asshole,” Shane said, incredulously. Whatever skills Rozanov had enjoyed were not transferable to women. Or, maybe they were in theory, but he’d never put that into practice. He’d had some awkward teenage fumblings with his high school girlfriend but it was never as electric as it was with Rozanov, so he never offered more and she never pushed for it. After going pro, he had bigger priorities, anyway. He’d rather train for a cup than for a roster.  

“Hmm, no. I do not think I will.”

Rozanov looked smug, needling him like always, but something was pinging slightly in the back of Shane’s head. He looked down at Rozanov. It was that shift—the way he’d gone from something to relaxed halfway through their conversation. There had been an edge of hostility, or something, when they were talking about Jody. Like Jody was someone he knew and didn’t like. The poking at her name, the “I don’t care” when he clearly did. It reminded him of when Tucker had gone through a divorce last season. Yeah, my bitch wife left me, yeah, she took the fucking kids, yeah, she said I wasn’t “emotionally available,” whatever the fuck that even means, before getting way too drunk and crying about how much he missed her. It was the tone of voice of a man deeply bothered by whatever he was talking about but pretending he was too cool to care. 

He would have assumed Jody was one of Rozanov’s exes, but Rozanov didn’t really date enough to be bothered by someone leaving him, and also, Jody literally didn’t exist. But. Jody had had that same conversation, hadn’t she? And Jody had done that same shift, gone from clearly bothered but hiding it to relaxed, real smile, when Batterly had said—oh, holy SHIT. 

No, there was no way in hell Rozanov was jealous. He was the one with the roster, not Shane. He was the one papped leaving clubs with gorgeous women on his arm, which definitely never made Shane feel any sort of way in particular, not at all. 

Rozanov wouldn’t care if Shane slept with someone else, that was ridiculous. Shane shoved the thought aside and focused on the real Rozanov in his bed, not any versions of him in Shane’s head. 

“And what if I make you?”

Rozanov waggled his eyebrows like an asshole. 

“I would love to see you try.”

Shane paused. Considered his options. Well, if he was already taking notes from fictional characters, there had been this one scene near the end—

He tried not to smile as he climbed on top of Rozanov. This was a great idea, and that was a great book. He owed Jackie a really nice birthday gift this year. 

ICING PENALTY

HockeyExpert1410

Stars: 3.5 out of 5

A close friend of mine recommended this book very strongly and her judgment was sound. It is my favorite of the hockey romance novels I have read so far for several reasons. The amount of hockey inclusion falls somewhere between Going For The Gold and Tongues Will WAG. Prioritization of hockey accuracy is more in line with TWW (with one glaring exception, to be discussed later) but romanticization of hockey players for the sake of likeability is more similar to GftG. I did not deduct from my rating for this romanticization because of the genre; if this were a hockey drama, I would have, but some sanitization of typical hockey player attitudes or cherry-picking of the best people in the league is necessary for any real “romance” to occur, especially if the female lead is going to have positive relationships with the player’s entire team. 

…

Jody Oldmixin as a protagonist is heartwarmingly well-intentioned, but still interesting. While I have questions about the business success of the cupcake bakery she owns, especially due to her lack of concern for misappropriation of company property and the apparent total flexibility of her work schedule in any scene where she decides to bring Batterly and his teammates cupcakes, I enjoyed her as a person. I also appreciated the author’s efforts to give her more personality than just “sweet girl.” While the “frosting scene” in Chapter 12 sounds very unpleasant to me personally (and did the author politely skip over the cleanup, or did they fall asleep on those sheets?), Batterly’s reaction to Jody’s “hidden depths” was charming. Robert Batterly as a protagonist was similarly kind (and, unlike Timm in GftG, actually seemed to care about hockey). However, while Batterly’s kindness makes him a likeable love interest, it makes him a less realistic hockey player…

…

I have the same problem with his team. Not just with their name (Georgia Gingerbread Men? Fuck off. I know Jody is a baker, but she does cupcakes, so what the hell was the point of this? Your average MLH player would rather die) but with their positivity and, frankly, lack of misogyny. They’re unrealistically respectful of Batterly’s relationship, and of Jody, when they meet her. Everyone is nice to her. No one catcalls, gropes, or otherwise harasses her. Maybe this can be explained by them not wanting to piss off the woman giving them free cupcakes all the time, or maybe they’re nice to her face then trash Batterly for being “whipped” (or cupcakes for being “gay”) behind her back, but they said “please” and “thank you” without being told to. This is unrealistic for professional hockey players in general, but especially for them to say to a woman. I’m not saying everyone in pro hockey is a horrible person, but “locker room culture” is real and the language thrown around casually isn’t normally very nice. This team dynamic would really only be possible if you handpicked two or three of the nicest guys from each team. A very polite rookie might say “yes please” when a veteran’s wife offers him a cupcake, and then be made fun of for it for the rest of the season, or a captain might yell at the team to say “thank you” to his wife, but I’ve been in a lot of locker rooms and I’ve never seen one this welcoming to a woman, even team staff, unless there were several cameras and a coach there to scare them straight. However, it was a lot more fun to read about than a bunch of assholes, so my rating…

…

… really struggled with the title. “Icing Penalty” is almost a very clever name for any romance between a hockey player and a baker except for this one. Jody makes cupcakes, giving Robert’s last name “Batterly” a lot of relevance. Combined with Oldmixin, I’m assuming these names were chosen for a BatterMixin or MixinBatter ship name. (I hate it.) However, this may be overly nitpicky, but cupcakes usually have frosting, not icing. “Frosting” is even the word used in Chapter 12.  Maybe they’re actually the same thing, I don’t eat a lot of junk food so I could be wrong, but I don’t think I am. My (much) bigger issue is with Batterly. If this book were written for the sake of icing (edible) and icing (hockey) wordplay, then why is Batterly a goalie? I am failing to imagine any reasonable situation with competent players on the ice where icing would be called on a goalie. While the rest of the hockey in the book was decently written, this casts doubt on any research being involved beyond reading a list of hockey terms and picking the one with the most pun potential. 

Also, icing’s not a fucking penalty, it’s an infraction. Penalties are rule violations punishable by putting the player who committed them in the penalty box. Icing results in a stoppage in play and disadvantages the team who committed it, but no one gets a penalty. The title accounts for a half-star deduction from my original rating because every issue I have with it could have been fixed if the author had googled “icing penalty” to make sure she knew what it meant before setting it as the title. Maybe the author should have kept “Batterly” and written a baseball romance instead.  

…

The most notable difference between this book and my previous reads is that this one was significantly more sexually explicit than I expected. As a newcomer to the genre, I was unfamiliar with the meaning of a “spice scale” rating system. That’s on me for failing to do my research. However, the “spice” was in line with character and relationship growth and realistically written (minus, of course, the logistics of the frosting scene), so it contributed positively to my rating. 

COMMENTS: (33)

PrettyInPuck: 

You say you’ve been in a lot of locker rooms and none of them respect women, have you considered none of them respect the creepy puck bunny who snuck into a private space? 

HockeyExpert1410 (OP):

When I called myself an expert it was a reference to my professional qualifications. I work in the sports industry. Any comment I make on who hockey players are as people is based on the players I speak with at work every day.

PrettyInPuck: 

Girl, be so for real. Nobody’s buying that. 

(2 responses)

sweetiepie69: 

Omg THANK YOU! YES there is a difference between frosting and icing, and yes, this did drive me nuts. I’m a baker and won’t be reading any more books about bakers, it’s funny to see that people who work in sports have the same experience. “Frosting” is correct for ch12, that was definitely frosting and not icing, but the whole icing cupcakes/innuendo exchange scene in ch11 leading up to it does not hold up at ALL. I didn't know that about the penalty, good to know! 

(7 responses)

Connoisseur_ofCliterature: 

Totally agree the spice was realistically written and in line with relationship growth, but I have to ask. You’ve told other people on here you interact with a lot of hockey players for work, but you called this in line with the characters?? You mentioned ch12 but not ch18… Do you honestly think any of them would be down for THAT, or is this in line with the fictional kind of hockey boys who only exist when written by women?

HockeyExpert1410 (OP):

Most of them, no, probably not, but I can confirm accuracy regarding at least one MLH player. 

Connoisseur_ofCliterature: 

Okay!!!!!! Girl I see you!!!!! My bad for stereotyping, I saw “works in sports” and assumed you were a dude. Not to pry but if you can confirm accuracy regarding MLH players… I thought that looked great for Robert but not so much for Jody, can you confirm if “Jody” got anything out of that or was it all for him?

HockeyExpert1410 (OP):

I’m not going to answer that.

Connoisseur_ofCliterature: 

Okay!!!! I know what that means!!!!!!! GET IT GIRL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Bookwormq08gnq49f: 

“Contributed positively to my rating” girl you can just say you got off lmao

Chapter End Notes

To know what amazing, mind-blowing, incredible sexual act Shane debuted here, revisit your favorite smut of all time, because I guarantee you that author wrote something better than what I could have come up with. As I said, not my strong suit.

Proofreading is very funny because why was Robert's name randomly Jack like twice

Thank you all for the amazing reception this has gotten!!!! seven HUNDRED subs??? What the FUCK. I love you all. I'm very blown away.

I'm posting from an academic building on my campus (YES at 1am) because my apartment building's wifi has been down for three days. So I'm back in classes now (Masters degree) and still have a job and am also auditioning for a musical this weekend lmao (because I make poor choices) so I am not making promises about next chapter date BUT I do have 1k written already and I'm warning you now it will be sadder! Sochi and Vegas have to happen before the cottage. But our boys will make it through, and so will we!

Thanks as always for reading, kudosing, and commenting, and I hope to see you all soon!

Chapter 6: 2014, Sochi Olympics/Vegas

Chapter Notes

I'M ALIVE (mostly)

hi everyone!!!! here's a chapter!!!! enjoy!!!!!

No new content warnings. We are about to like double our Fuck Count, though. Very exciting.

Actually, fuck romance novels. This whole thing had been an awful idea and the woman at the bar was completely wrong. Fuck romance novels as a genre entirely, and specifically fuck whoever it was that decided to write a book about an NHL team trainer going all the way to Russia and being ghosted by the Russian player she’d been hooking up with, and fuck him for ghosting her AND her for hooking up with his good-boy assistant captain, and fuck their entire love triangle, too. He didn’t want to empathize with any asshole Russian hockey player at the Olympics, but if he was going to be made to, he at least wanted the guy to get a damn happy ending. And instead of delightful (but still relevant to his interests) escapism, he got this bullshit.

INTERNATIONAL AFFAIR

HockeyExpert1410

Stars: 1.75 out of 5

I thought that this book would be timely and enjoyable. As someone who works in sports professionally and would be engaging with the Olympics a lot, I hoped to find something less stressful than my job. This was not it. 

… 

… I thought that a “happily ever after” was a requirement for romance novels, but I guess not. This is only a happy ending if you assume that Rasskazov does not have feelings, or if you acknowledge that he has them but do not care. The author did an incredible job of making him sympathetic. I was familiar with Russian doping scandals historically and recently, but had always judged them as a poor personal choice made by individual players, not as a highly pressured or outright coerced “choice” made at an institutional level. Rosskazov’s perspective, as well as the appendix explaining the sources the author based his experiences on, were very illuminating. I feel the same way about the look into the Russian team’s training conditions. Professional hockey players in the United States and Canada deal with hazing and minimal concern for player mental (and physical) health, but nowhere near on this level. I understand Ingot’s attitude toward Rasskazov in the first two-thirds of the book. She has every right to be mad at him for pulling away. I would be, too. If he were in the same kind of training and locker room environment as he was in the States, the kind she works in and knows very well, his behavior would have been unnecessary and disrespectful, and it makes sense that she assumes he’s being dismissive. But after she sneaks into their training facility to confront him and he explains exactly what his coach will do to him if he sees Rosskazov “fraternizing” with an American? Pushing the issue anyway was cruel. They could have talked about her hurt feelings when they were both safe, and instead, she acted like he was being unreasonable just to hurt her. News flash, Ingot, the world doesn’t revolve around you…

…

…hate the way Harper is set up as Rasskazov’s opposite because he’s nice and polite and a good All-American boy. He’s not friendlier to Ingot because he’s a better person than Rasskazov, he’s friendlier to her because he’s allowed to be. His confrontation with Rasskazov doesn’t show that he’s a white knight, it shows that he’s incredibly privileged. (This also was a much bigger deal than it was treated as. Physically assaulting another Olympian off of the ice would not have been ignored by Olympic officials, and that kind of hit would have been much worse than…

…

I had higher hopes for the rain scene. I’ve been led to believe that a third-act breakup is typical for the genre and a “kiss in the rain” reconciliation moment is a common way of fixing it. The physically vulnerable setting during the unpacking of Rasskazov’s tragic backstory and family grief seemed to be setting up for this. So when Ingot turned her back on him, and her internal dialogue was all about empowerment and choosing herself, I was disappointed and very surprised. That was also a very charitable interpretation of her breaking Rasskazov’s heart and choosing to run off with his rival. And the Olympics are almost over—he’s going to have to see them both at work next week? The implications for their locker room dynamics and on-ice chemistry are horrifying. I’ve seen what happens on teams when one player steals another’s girlfriend, and it’s always ugly, and none of it was ever anywhere near these stakes. Their team’s playoff run is entirely screwed. I respect that Ingot has the right to date whoever she wants, but…

… 

Russia getting the silver while the USA got the gold was very heavy-handed. We get it, Harper gets the girl and the family and the reputation and the happily ever after and the gold, too, and Rasskazov gets to cry alone in the rain. I genuinely don’t understand why the author wrote two-thirds of the book entirely about Rasskazov if she hates him so much. Why don’t you kill his dog, while you’re at it? Just to really drive the point home that this man is not allowed to love or be loved or be happy? Damn. Had the book been mostly about Harper with Rasskazov as an antagonist, I still could have called it a romance even if I’d liked him more, but we spend so long falling in love with Rasskazov alongside Ingot, so Harper comes out of nowhere. 

…

…so good for Ingot, or whatever, but if her happy ending had to happen like this, I’m not sure she deserved it. 

COMMENTS: (48)

bookstaqueen1998:

Rasskazov’s really not all that. Like, he’s hot and all, but he’s a bit of a dumbass lol. Ingot deserves someone who can carry on a decent conversation with her, which involves complete sentences.

HockeyExpert1410 (OP): 

Where did you get the idea that Rasskazov isn’t smart? 

bookstaqueen1998:

I don’t know, maybe the fact that he doesn’t know how to use the word “the”???

HockeyExpert1410 (OP): 

The Russian language doesn’t use articles. Dropping unnecessary articles in English is a common mistake made by people whose first language is Russian, just like mixing up pronouns in English can be for people whose first language doesn't normally use gendered third-person pronouns, like Japanese. It doesn’t make him stupid. 

bookstaqueen1998:

Whatever. I can’t imagine flirting with someone with that accent, anyway. Like, who cares if he’s smart if he sounds that aggressive?

(3 responses)

Bookworm02hfj49:

Jesus, projecting much? Like, chill, girl.

HockeyExpert1410 (OP): 

I’m a man.

Bookworm02hfj49:

OH so you were emotionally unavailable and tried to cry your way out of it and your girlfriend saw through your shit, got it!

DeepFriedOreo69:

Pro hockey players “deal with hazing.” Yeah, sure. Great job avoiding any accountability. Love some passive voice there. They’re also DOING the hazing. If you want to criticize the circumstances, look at who’s creating them.

HockeyExpert1410 (OP): 

You’re correct, but there’s nothing in the text to imply Rasskazov hazes anyone, so it wasn’t relevant to my review. 

DeepFriedOreo69:

Please. Hockey bros are all the same. 

chicklitsupremacy:

Hey bestie, just wanted to let you know there’s a typo in the second to last paragraph, you said “Rozanov” instead of “Rasskazov”!

HockeyExpert1410 (OP): 

Fixed, thank you! Sorry, I talk about real hockey more often than I talk about fake hockey. Muscle memory must have caught me.

chicklitsupremacy:

Oooooooh, are you an rpfer? I don’t recognize your username, but do I maybe follow you somewhere else?

HockeyExpert1410 (OP): 

What’s an “rpfer”? 

chicklitsupremacy:

Neeeevermind! My bad lmao. Don’t google that.

HockeyExpert1410 (OP): 

Okay?

chicklitsupremacy:

<3

QueenieBeenie:

“we spend so long falling in love with Rasskazov alongside Ingot” girl speak for your damn self lmao #TeamHarper all the way

HockeyExpert1410 (OP): 

Why does everyone on here assume I’m a woman?

QueenieBeenie:

idk babes, maybe it’s because you’re on here reading romance novels and complaining about how the protag should have ended up with the guy you’ve obviously got a crush on?

HockeyExpert1410 (OP): 

I’m not sure where you got that, either?

QueenieBeenie:

Bitch, please.

Connoisseur_ofCliterature: 

I’m so sorry but I love how much you hated this lol. Like, strong disagree! But I like your justification! Good data for your BetterRecs.

HockeyExpert1410 (OP): 

Sorry, my what?

Connoisseur_ofCliterature: 

I am about to make your life SO much better, omg. It’s a spinoff sort of thing for book recs, people give you recommendations based on why you liked/didn’t like other books! I’ve got the same username over there if you want to tag me if you post anything, I’m always happy to rec! I’ll warn you it can be a little more… social than this one, since it’s directly asking people for their own thoughts, not just sharing your own. People are a lot more likely to fight in your comments if they disagree with each other’s recs lol, but sometimes you get really good stuff! The formatting is super organized too. Direct questions, very straightforward. 

HockeyExpert1410 (OP): 

That definitely sounds worth checking out, thank you!

<>II<>

Username unavailable. Try: HockeyExpert1410fjs9v8s !

Fucking seriously?

Welcome, HockeyExpert1410Again! Please enter your password below. 

ISO: Something different

For: HockeyExpert1410Again

Genre: Romance

Subgenre: Sports, hockey

Tropes: Happily ever after, communication

Nopes: Love triangles, ghosting, cheating, third-act breakup, unhappy ending, hockey inaccuracy

What I want: 

Hello, everyone. I have recently been getting into romance novels, specifically hockey romance. Hockey is my biggest interest. I was never interested in romance until I found out hockey romance existed. I don’t know how to find new books other than walking through an airport bookstore while traveling for work and picking up anything with a puck on the cover, so @Connoisseur_ofCliterature suggested I ask here. I am looking for something very different from what I’ve read so far, especially unlike International Affair, which was far too similar to real problems I’ve had to deal with recently. My professional life is hockey, so I find it hard to ignore badly written hockey. My personal life is mostly hockey players, so I like books that make them nicer and more respectful than they are in the real world. My far more personal life has ghosted me, so I want a book where people actually talk. Any suggestions are appreciated.

More like: Going For The Gold, Tongues Will Wag

In GftG, I liked the skill level of the protagonist. The author clearly understood some of the struggles faced by professional athletes. In TWW, I liked the accuracy of the hockey and the way it lined up with the relationship. Accuracy is the most important part for me. 

Less like: Icing Penalty, International Affair 

In IP, the entire concept was based on bad hockey. Icing isn’t a penalty and goalies don’t do it anyway. Don’t write a hockey romance if you don’t know anything about hockey. In IA, the author dedicated two thirds of the book to one love interest, made him sympathetic and nuanced, then had the lead choose the other, who was comparatively flat. This wasn’t a romance, it was a tragedy for anyone who didn’t go into it as an American hoping to see the Russian get his heart broken. 

COMMENTS: (7)

bookwyrm47j39hf:

For something very different, I’d suggest Smoothies and Skates! It’s the opposite gender of “normal” hockey romances, about a WPHL player and the barista at her favorite smoothie shop! He’s a precious little bean and the women’s league is objectively better, so that hits your “nicer and more respectful” point. Lots of emotional maturity, low-stakes, low-angst. Some spice, not much. It’s mostly just a fluffy time! 

HockeyExpert1410Again (OP):

That sounds good, thank you!

Queenof.theMagicKingdom:

Katie MacKenzie, who wrote Tongues Will WAG, has a few more books! They’re about other sports and I thought they had the same level of accuracy. I know you said you mostly just liked hockey, but you did say you wanted something different, and you liked her style, so they could be worth a look! All of them are 100% happily ever after. My favorite of them is Batter Up! It’s about a baseball player and a baker.

HockeyExpert1410Again (OP):

Have you read Icing Penalty? 

TW_morelike_Menu:

Have you read Thirty Hues of Blue?? 10/10 recommend. Very different from all of those, a lot less fluffy and soft. It’ll totally help you heal from International Affair too, no one breaks the Russian man’s heart in this one! He’s powerful and strong and a little mean, if you’re into that ;)

booksarecheaperthantherapy:

DUDE. Did you even read OP’s tropes/nopes&more/less? What about any of that said they’d be into this????

TW_morelike_Menu:

It has communication!!! And they said they wanted something super different!!

booksarecheaperthantherapy:

It has clearly communicated boundaries and expectations that the MMC clearly ignores. I wouldn’t call that “communication.” Nobody breaks his heart because he doesn’t act like he has one. A “little” mean is being generous. OP seems to like Rasskazov’s emotional vulnerability, not just his accent. Just like IR, this book only has a happy ending if you don’t care about the love interest’s feelings. Swapping the gender doesn’t make it different.

TW_morelike_Menu:

How the hell is it unhappy??? She locks down the hot Russian???

booksarecheaperthantherapy:

I don’t know, maybe because he never treats her like he loves her? Because he never even treats her like he LIKES her? The spiciest scene in the damn book, he doesn’t even kiss her! He gets exactly what he wants then kicks her out! He didn’t ask how she felt, didn’t even text to make sure she got home safe. If I were her, I would have cried in the elevator while I blocked his number. 

TW_morelike_Menu:

That’s SO harsh. He cares about her a lot!

booksarecheaperthantherapy:

That third-person limited POV is doing a LOT of heavy lifting. He never says any of what he’s thinking to Jane, how is she supposed to know???

TW_morelike_Menu:

Because it’s a ROMANCE NOVEL??? 

booksarecheaperthantherapy:

NOTHING IN THERE WAS ROMANTIC.

(87 responses)

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SMOOTHIES & SKATES

HockeyExpert1410

Stars: 4 out of 5

BETTERRECC’ED BY: bookwyrm47j39hf

I’m embarrassed to admit that hockey romances about the WPHL hadn’t occurred to me. This was a pleasant read…

…

…thought there were hockey inaccuracies at first, then I did some research and learned about rule differences between the WPHL and MLH. The two seasons overlap so I haven’t watched much of the women’s league before. This season I will make more of an effort. I’m interested to see if the “jailbreak” rule has a measurable impact on playing strategy, or if it’s solely for the audience’s benefit. On the one hand, it could…

…

This was probably the cutest of the “meet cutes” I have read recently. The smoothie shop is a nice, professional-athlete-friendly replacement of the classic coffee shop meeting for a player aware of the negative impact caffeine consumption can have on player performance and overall health…

…

…baffled by the choice to have the same smoothie each time, before or after a run. I respect a routine. I have a lot of routines and don’t like when I have to break them. But especially with runs as long as Scottie’s, your body needs different things before and after. As someone who goes for a run every day, I would have recommended one of the greener smoothies before the run for energy or the banana and peanut butter after for protein, but maybe that’s just me. I trust that Scottie listens to her team’s nutritionist and…

…

…very, very strange to read something with no real conflict. Not necessarily in a bad way, but I did feel like I was waiting for the other shoe to drop. Like, that’s it? He talked about his feelings, she talked about hers, they both apologized when they needed to? When Scottie didn’t get a text back she knew to offer to bring over takeout because that meant he must have been unrealistically busy for a smoothie shop? I was surprised when I realized it was over because most of the books I’ve read made the characters “earn” that happy ending a lot more than this did. It was weird to see people happy and allowed to feel things for each other.

…

…did lose points for the murder talk. I’m glad that Kit found the cute girl at his work talking about true crime podcasts charming, but I don’t think I would have. Is this normal? I don’t have many women in my social circle, but…

…

I definitely would have enjoyed more hockey, but what we were given was well-written, and having Kit in the stands to cheer Scottie on was sweet. Having people support you is important, win or lose.

…

Overall, I gave it a 4 out of 5. Scottie and Kit are cute together and it’s nice to see a couple allowed to be happy without people in their life discouraging them or causing issues. Thank you to bookwyrm47j39hf for recommending this to me on BetterRecs. It fulfilled what I asked for, which was a happily ever after without severe issues that was strongly different from my current personal or professional life. I do think I’ll stick to stuff with more conflict in the future (I like story structures where I know what to expect, and I find higher stakes more compelling than this kind of story) but this was a nice break from that. 

COMMENTS: (52)

bookwyrm47j39hf:

Yay! I’m so happy you liked it! Did this help you stop yearning for your situationship? 

HockeyExpert1410 (OP): 

I don’t know that last word?

bookwyrm47j39hf

“Situation-relationship.” A person you’re seeing in some capacity but other labels don’t really work. It’s definitely not a relationship, but friends with benefits isn’t quite right, and neither is just friends, but it’s a little more than a casual hookup somehow, too. Confusing mess of things and you haven’t put a label on it. A complicated situation. Ergo, situationship! 

HockeyExpert1410 (OP): 

Thank you for teaching me that word. It’s very applicable. “Yearning” is a little bit too strong but yes, I’m still ghosted, and no, I’m not over it.

bookwyrm47j39hf:

I’m sorry to hear that :( 

ArmchairAnalyst:

what do you think it says about your mental and emotional health that you’re uncomfy with happiness? it’s literally toxic that you keep returning to harmful patterns like this, reading conflict just because you like the “predictability” of it. finding comfort in volatility is a sign of a lot of mental illnesses. 

(34 responses)

<>II<>

MESSAGE REQUEST:

booksarecheaperthantherapy

ACCEPT? 

( YES )   ( NO )

booksarecheaperthantherapy:

Hey! I know things got pretty tense in your comments section over on BetterRecs so I wanted to check in, since that was your first post there. Since it’s supposed to be more social and interactive, folks get weird over there sometimes. Sorry I definitely contributed to blowing up your inbox, that book just gets to me.

You:

Yeah, that was definitely a lot. I’m not sure I’ll be posting there again. I definitely didn’t end up reading that book. I looked into it and it did look interesting, but your replies made it look like not the kind of escape I was looking for in the same way International Affair was, so I went for the smoothie one instead.

booksarecheaperthantherapy:

Good choice! I saw your review. I’m right there with you that I prefer my stakes a little higher, but it’s a nice little beach read, if that’s what you’re looking for! 

You:

Not usually, but I did say I wanted something different, so that’s not the recommender’s fault.

booksarecheaperthantherapy:

I might have a rec you’ll like a little more, if you’re interested? The hockey is a lot more important to the plot than in Smoothies, but it’s a lot closer to the happiness level of S&S than IA for sure.

You:

Yes, please!

booksarecheaperthantherapy:

Great! How do you feel about lesbians?

You:

Generally good? I don’t know any personally (as far as I know) but I’m an ally, if that’s what you mean.

booksarecheaperthantherapy:

Hell yeah! Then you should check out Jocks & Journos by Nikki Lindsay! It’s a long-time favorite. Ignore the cringy title, I swear it’s good!

You:

I’ll look into it, thanks!

<>II<>

TEXT MESSAGES:

                                                                        Jackie. 

Shane!

                                                                        Can I come over tomorrow?

Yeah of course! 

Everything okay?

                                                                        Yes. 

                                                                        Can you get rid of Hayden?

…yes? 

………everything okay??

                                                                        I need to talk to you about a book. 

OMG. 

YES. 

PLEASE.

Chapter End Notes

SOME NOTES!
Yeah, Ingot is named because. Gold.
Rasskaov is a real Russian surname, I did research.
Yes this is Skip a little to the left. No regrets.
Yes that's a 50 shades joke. Don't get your kink education from porn, but especially not bad porn.

Thank you all for your patience! I am a grad student with a job who is also in a musical this semester. No, it was not my smartest decision. Yes, I intend to survive. Wish me luck.

Thank you for so many beautiful comments!! I do my best to reply to every single one!! And thank you for the many kudos!!
I'm on Threads as @_inimitability, say hi! Updates to this are sporadic but will keep coming! In the meantime I have several other stories where Shane has hobbies, including music and being a bitch!

See you next time!