Rating:

Not Rated

Archive Warning:

No Archive Warnings Apply

Category:

M/M

Fandoms:

Heated Rivalry (TV), Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid

Relationship:

Shane Hollander/Ilya Rozanov

Characters:

Shane Hollander, Yuna Hollander, David Hollander, Ilya Rozanov, Svetlana Vetrova, Farah Jalali, Cliff Marlow | Cliff Marleau, Coach LeClaire (Game Changers), Boston Bears | Boston Raiders Team Ensemble (Game Changers), Hayden Pike

Additional Tags:

Montreal Voyageurs | Montreal Metros Being Assholes (Game Changers), Ilya Rozanov Loves Shane Hollander, Shane Hollander Loves Ilya Rozanov, Anxious Shane Hollander, Not Beta Read, Shane Hollander Leaves the Montreal Voyageurs | Montreal Metros, Good Friend Svetlana Vetrova, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst, Boston Bears | Boston Raiders Player Shane Hollander, Depressed Ilya Rozanov, Unreliable Narrator

Language:

English

Stats:

Published: 2026-07-17 Updated: 2026-10-02 Words: 37,981 Chapters: 25/?

Switching Blades

Summary

The Metros were fine with hiring for diversity but they don’t want him to be the highest paid player on their team. This leads to Shane to think the Metros aren’t where he will be his entire career.

Svetlana knows Ilya, him deciding to come to the NHL, means he wants out of Russia even if it isn’t right away and forces him to apply for a green card.

Notes

Been a while since I wrote anything and can’t promise my ADHD will let me finish it, but I am love this pairing.

Don’t know hockey that well but did do research, any rules for it and laws pertaining to residency that are mentioned are going to be current as I will research but not that much.

This might be a little OOC because I feel as though this is a little out of my comfort zone, especially Ilya but I will try so please be nice.

Also I typed this in Google docs and it kept changing the tenses of my words, so it will probably have both present and past tense for non dialogue.

Chapter 1: Metros

Shane thought that he wouldn’t need to fight to negotiate a contract after he led Montréal to two Stanley cups. Especially since he helped his team get into the playoffs the other two years of his rookie contract. He wasn’t alone in this assumption both his mom and Farah thought that resigning with Montréal would be a give in. They had waited until after the playoffs ended because winning the cup would most likely increase his worth.

Their expectations were wrong. The contract that they were given initially was nowhere near what they were expecting. He didn’t stay in the room very long after they read the contract. Just long enough to hear Farah ask if this was a joke and the management to walk around the fact that it was because they didn’t want a non-white player to be the highest paid player on their team. Even Shane could deduce that, they weren’t trying that hard to hide the fact. As they didn’t have any other star players

Shane didn’t know what he did wrong, how were his skills not enough to overcome their racism. He knew they were racist from the first comment after signing his rookie contract, but he thought that his drafting proved that his skills were greater than their racism. Did he offend someone somewhere along the line and they were just trying to get rid of him?

He can’t do this. He needs to be anywhere but here. Thankfully he drove himself here as his mom was going to drive back home after the negotiations. He tried to remember to breathe as he made his way to his car. Taking deep breaths wasn't helping the nauseous feeling in his stomach. As he turned the car on, he swallowed down what tasted like a bit of bile. He was too far panicked to be bothered by the grossness of that right now. Home, he needs to get home. Almost on autopilot, he drove to his apartment.

As soon as he closed the door, he was sitting on the ground with his head in his hands. Did they think that he would take an offer so low? Did they not believe that he would be able to earn them another cup? Did they just want him to build the team up and have someone more white be their star? Was this the plan all along?

“Fuck.” It was barely a whisper. His mom definitely wasn’t going to let him sign with Montréal after that. The thought of signing with another team didn’t ever cross his mind. Hayden was here and they just won a Stanley with this team. Sure he wasn’t the closest with most of the team, but that obviously didn’t get in the way of them winning.

Shane didn’t want to move, didn’t want to get used to a new location, a new team, a new routine. That was too much change, too much stress, and too little time to process it. What other teams would want him? Surely they would think that something is wrong with him if he doesn’t sign with the Voyagers. The fans would think he is a traitor. Saying that the team was too racist to want him still sounded made up, sounded stupid.

No good teams would have the cap space for what he thought he was worth. Shane didn’t want too much and was willing to get paid lower than what Rosanov signed for. Goodness, what about Rozanov? No, he hasn’t returned Shane’s texts. Shane couldn’t wanted to be close to parents. The best bet to be close was probably Ottawa. But, Shane wanted another cup. He didn’t know if he could take trying to build another team from the ground again. The management in his home town was known to make the worst trades and the coach was always unhelpful. The room was said to be good, but a good room doesn’t lead to a cup if there is no support. There were rumors that they were going to fire the GM and coach next year if they weren’t able to put together a decent team.

Shane doesn’t know how long he sat there spiraling before he heard someone knocking on his door. It didn’t quite pull him out of his spiral, but the sound did distract him a bit.

“Shane?” Yuna’s voice dripped with concern as he opened the door. Shane couldn’t imagine he looked well. There weren't many tears during his nervous breakdown, but his mom knew the signs to look for. “Don’t listen to them, they are bigots who think they are above everyone else. We will find you a nice team and I will do my best to make the transition as smooth as possible. Then we will possibly sue them for discrimination.”

“I just don’t understand and don’t bother suing, it's not like we have any evidence.” Shane wasn’t sure he kept his voice from trembling. Stepping inside to let her in, he realized that Farah was also there.

 

“It’s not a lot of proof but I am an experienced agent, who is well acquainted with Canada’s one person consent laws. I record meetings with higher ups as standard practice.” Farah revealed. “We can probably at least make it so that in a week you will be an unrestricted free agent instead of a restricted one. Don’t want those bastards to gain any more from you.”

“I’m not sure there is a rule for that.”

“If there isn't, we will just use the recording to blackmail.” It was a little scary how seriously she said this.

“Let’s get you sitting down, we will handle all the planning.” His mom led him to sit on the couch. “I will make sure that the Voyagers won’t gain anything when you leave and Farah will put out some feelers with other teams. You probably don’t have any specific teams in mind, but what do you want out of a team?”

“I don’t know. I know I don’t want to be too far from the east coast. I want to win another cup, but teams close to it probably don’t have cap space.” Shane was trying again to take deep breaths.

“What about being a captain or even an alternate, is that something you would want?” Farah questioned.

“Not really, I just want somewhere I can spend the rest of my career earning cups.” He clarified. “The minimum that we talked about for the Voyagers can also be acceptable for teams with playoff equity. Otherwise I guess I’ll sign with Ottawa the highest amount they will give me as long as they actually go through with finding a new coach and GM.”

“Im sure that won’t be necessary. As soon as teams figure out that you are a free agent they will make cap space.” Farah assured before asking. “Are you including all east coast teams?”

“Yes, I don't want to not consider a team and regret not giving them a shot when they go on to win the cup, especially Boston.” He thinks that is a team she is concerned about, but he can’t be sure.

“I will complain the whole time, but I’ll live with it if that happens. We will get to work, why don’t you take a nap. If you are too anxious to do so, you might want to consider starting to pack up or maybe call Hayden.” Yuna tried to joke for the first part, but her tone was too melancholy for that.

“I don’t think I will be able to take a nap, but I am also not sure I will be able to start packing.” Shane admits. “I guess I will start a list of things I will need for packing and make plans for it. I am going to take my phone to my bed to research and try to not throw up.” And brush his teeth, now that he mentions it he feels really gross.

“Make sure to call someone if it gets too much alright? I know this is a lot for you. It might not feel like it right now, but everything will be okay.” Shane nods at his mother a little shakily before heading to his bedroom.

How exactly was this going to be okay?

Chapter 2: Shock

Chapter Summary

Ilya finds out that Shane is a free agent.

Chapter Notes

Italics = text/social media (not sure if I will give social media posts a go but we will see)

Bold=Russian I know it’s lazy but that’s how I am doing it for now, maybe I will do one word dialogue we will see.

The timeline is sped up a bit:
2010 draft
2011 Shane wins rookie of the year
2012 Bears win Stanley cup
2013 Metros win Stanley cup
2014 Metros win Stanley cup

I know that it is a very unlikely timeline as it takes more time for teams to turn from one of the worst teams to best teams, but for the sake of the plot I want to convey that is the timeline.

Also, someone pointed out that this was set to only be one chapter and complete when I definitely hit this has multiple chapters (thanks again). Why I am I able to click an option if I need to check another option for it to work? Little confusing as I get back into writing fics 🤷‍♀️

When he heard about it he was already in Russia, had been there for over a week. His team got knocked out in the second round of the playoffs. Ilya had stayed long enough to watch Hollander win the cup at the watch party Cliff hosted. He was happy for Hollander. Cliff had called him to tell him.

 

“Did you see? Shane fucking Hollander is a free agent! He didn’t resign with the Metros!” The disbelief was clearly heard through Ilya's phone. Ilya couldn’t believe it either. He thought Hollander was going to spend his entire career with the Metros. He agreed with the choice, they relied too heavily on Hollander to win. Ilya just didn’t think that Hollander would leave the team that drafted him and was his moms’ favorite. 

 

“I wonder why,” Ilya was able to get out, trying to think if Hollander texted him anything about this. While they didn’t text each other, Ilya thought that this was something big enough that he expected something. He didn’t always respond but this is crazy news,

 

“It might not have been his decision because he is unrestricted.” Cliff explains.

 

“Unre- what does that word mean?”

 

“It means free. In hockey it means Montréal won’t get anything from the team that picks up Hollander. Usually that is only possible after seven years in the NFL or the team that drafted him fails to offer him a contract at all or that doesn’t meet certain rules.” 

 

“Voyagers not want him?” Ilya was shocked to the core. Did something happen to Hollander? “Why would they not want player who just won them a cup two years in a row?” 

 

“That’s what everyone wants to know. They put out a bullshit social media post about cap issues, like most of the NHL wouldn’t get rid of players to make room for him. The bears signed you as soon as they could for another 5 years. I think they would have paid more than what you agreed to, but you are still one of the higher paid players.” Cliff tried to explain clearly and slower than usual. He knew Ilya was a lot better at English but with heightened emotions, lost some of it. 

 

Ilya had to think about that for a bit before blurting, “Rumors?”

 

“Nothing, not about the reason he is leaving or where he is looking to go. It’s weird, there are theories and guesses but no people coming out with anything that would make sense. Montréal being just fucking stupid or high are the most popular. Hollander has not made a statement about it yet.”

 

“No matter the reason Voyagers are still fucking stupid. He is too boring and nice for them to not sign second best player.” Regaining some of his sense Ilya chirped. 

 

“Yeah,” Clint paused then, “Do you think that he would consider the Bears? I know you have a rivalry and all but having you both on the same team could be fucking awesome.”

 

“Don’t know but he should, we are best team. We will work on his weak backhand. ” Would Hollander think about coming to Boston? Would Ilya want him to come to Boston? Playing on the same team as Hollander sounded like a dream and a nightmare at the same time.

 

“You wouldn’t fight him as soon as you see him?” It was a valid question with the press always going on about how the rivals hate each other.

 

“Why would I fight Hollander? It would not be a fight and we would win Cup many times.”

 

“I guess we will see. Sorry for bothering you while you are in Russia, I just had to make sure you were aware and to share just how crazy this is. See you later Roz.” 

 

“I did wish to know, see you later Marly.” The call dropped and Ilya went back inside from the side of his childhood house after putting out his cigarette. He is glad he went outside for that even though the rest of his family didn’t speak as much English.

 

He definitely needed to text Hollander and get a drink and maybe another cigarette.

 

Lily

WTF

Your a free agent?

What happened?

 

Then after a minute 

 

R u okay?

Call me?

 

Something big needed to happen in order to scare Hollander away and he did not handle change well. Also, if the team or management did anything to Shane he needed to know who. 

 

“Yebat!” He whispered under his breath. He wanted to get on a plane and ask Hollander himself. He needed to stay in Russia to get things in place for people to check up on his father. Also, Hollander with his real estate addiction could be in many places. 

 

Why did this bother him so much? They were just fucking. Of course he was worried about Hollander, he was best fuck and his fellow rival. Hockey wouldn't be as fun without him. What if he switched to a team that only played Boston once? What if he signed with a team on the opposite side of the US?

 

Ilya had just signed a five year extension contract last year and the Bears were not trading him. He had made sure his contact was that long in order to gain citizenship after Svetlana forced him to go through the process of applying for a green card after he moved to the US. He managed to get it in only a year thanks to being an ‘exceptional’ athlete.

 

Why would he think about that? Ilya didn’t want to move but the thought of Hollander so far away made something in his chest hurt. He needed to stop thinking about that.

 

Would he want Hollander to choose the Bears? Ilya wanted to try being on the same team as Hollander and they would win many cups. They would see each other every day and not a handful of times a year. 

 

Would Ilya be able to hide what was going on between them? His chirps were borderline in whether or not they sound like he was flirting. He was still 4 years away from having US citizenship. He might try to get Canadian citizenship later, but he wasn't planning on leaving the Bears so it made sense to start the process. He only had three more years to go before he was safe-or relatively safe compared to Russia. Asylum was always an option. 

 

Did he want to risk not being able to go back to Russia in the first place? There wasn’t a whole lot he wanted to be able to visit Russia for. His dad was sick, his brother hated him and just asked for more and more money, and his brother wasn't allowing Ilya to see his niece anymore. He was in the process of hiring a nurse to at least check on his dad as moving his dad into a retirement home he would riot. He was also looking into hiring a cleaning person who would also take care of groceries. Ilya didn’t trust his brother to be sober enough to remember to do so. It eased his guilt about not taking care of his dad himself a little. His moms grave was the only thing here that mattered but she would want him to be safe and he would be okay as long he had her necklace.

 

He would come back to that later, he didn’t plan to come out. He would at least make sure everything would be in place if it ever got out. Ilya felt a buzz in his pocket.

 

Jane

A lot happened.

 

That was an understatement. Hollander didn’t seem to know what to type after that as the three dots showing him typing kept reappearing without another message being sent. Ilya didn’t know where to start.

 

Lily

Call?

 

Jane

Phone calls are too much for me right now.

I don’t know how to explain it with words at all. 

They didn’t want me.

 

Lily

They are fucking stupid for not keeping the only reason they won the past two cups

 

It was a bit before Hollander's response.

 

Jane

I don’t know where I should go.

I hate that I have to choose.

I was going to stay there for my entire career.

How do I know that this won’t happen again?

 

Lily

Other teams not so fucking stupid

They don’t deserve you anyways

Relied on u too much

Teammates do not give same effort 

 

Ilya paused, he wanted to ask if the Bears was an option. That felt like too much and he was still unsure if that was something he wanted. 

 

Jane

When do you come back?

 

Lily 

As soon as I finish the things I need to do here.

 

He was originally planning to stay a month but he was already tired of being here. He wasn’t sure he could stop himself from flying to Canada after this. 

 

Svetlana came into his room to get ready for bed and saw him on his phone. 

 

“Who are you texting that is making you look like that?” She teased.

 

“No one.” Ilya denied and sent a quick goodbye message before starting to get ready for bed himself. He definitely needed that drink to help get relaxed enough to sleep. Hopefully Hollander would be okay enough to actually talk tomorrow.

Chapter 3: Options

Chapter Summary

Shane is still stressed but has packed up most of his apartment when Ilya texts him.

Chapter Notes

I changed the timeline a bit, made it a year later and had Shane have two cups.

I also changed a few other details, like changed it from Montréal Metros to Voyagers because I wanted to use the Boston Bears,made Ilyas dad have old person issues not dementia quite yet, and got more deliberate on if they use each others first or last names. Nothing changed enough that the story won’t make sense moving forward so is reread isn’t required.

Ilya speaking is kicking my ass. As a native English speaker I am sitting there trying to get what I want said without having words or phrases that are not common without knowing what people would learn first or view as common words. I know more than one way to say something but he wouldn’t know either. There are some words that I feel he would know but it doesn’t sound right in my head. Like he would know casual but what about casually.

Shane felt bad that he wasn’t able to tell Rozanova everything. After three days, Shane’s head was still a mess. The uncertainty of what team he was going to was killing him. He had gone to the Pikes and gave them a brief explanation but that had ended with him crying. Shane felt a little better after as they ranted on about the management and him not deserving what had happened. The anxiety was still almost overwhelming but he wasn’t going to have a panic attack.

His mom approached him during the week and asked if he wanted her to find some therapists for him to talk to. He was actually considering it at this point. The only thing holding him back is the fact that he would probably have to do it over the phone. She was seeing if she could find someone who would do it over a video call. It still wasn’t ideal, but until he decided on what team he was going to as it was pointless to find someone to see in person.

He was just grateful there were teams interested in having him even though they didn’t know why Montréal let him go. With his mom and Farah making sure that to the public that there was not a qualified offer given, people would speculate about what Shane did wrong. They determined it was more important to screw Montréal over, as most people would blame Montréal because of Shane’s pristine reputation.

There wasn’t a lot of teams he was even considering. Even without his preference for the Eastern Conference, there were few teams that met his other requirements. There were a only a handful of teams that were in playoff predictions and not all of them offered or even had the need for a Center. Shane would not be thrilled to be on wing, but he could probably make it work even though it wouldn’t be ideal.

Within the East Conference, Philadelphia was the furthest South he was willing to go. The teams that he wanted to hear from were either of the New York teams, Boston, and New Jersey. Detroit was an okay team Ottawa was the only non-playoff team he would be willing to sign with if none of the others were willing to pay the lowest amount his mom and Farah said he should take.

He didn’t know who all had offered yet he just knew that around ten teams had. Shane told his mom to wait until the week was over to tell him which teams. He at least had hope if he didn’t know who offered. A week was determined by the two women to be the best so teams could review their options and calculate if they can afford him. After the week was up they would show him the offers closest to what he wanted.

He had gotten most of his Montréal apartment packed with some help from Hayden and JJ. The two had joined him to keep him company and spend some time with him before he moved and only see them at games and during the summer.

Shane sighs and drags a hand down his face. He needs to try and calm down. Pulling out his phone, he searches for a rink that he can rent out on such short notice. He finds one 45 minutes away and books it for a couple hours.

When he gets there he starts with his usual warm up and stretching. He then just skates figures for a while, reveling in the simplicity. It makes him feel a little more in control. He eventually does some hockey drills, but nothing that required him thinking too hard.

It was a bit before he heard his phone ding. He had muted notifications besides texts and he had been removed from Voyagers group chat so he took a break to check it.

Lily
Call me?

“Hollander?” Rozanov picked up after the first ring.

“Hey Rosanov.” Shane hoped his voice sounded steady.

“I am back in Boston.” Shane appreciated that Rozanov didn’t go straight to asking about the Voyagers. Shane had texted him a little more details but this was the first time he felt okay enough to actually talk to him about it even if he didn’t really want too.

“I know you said you were going to leave as soon as you were done, but did you not want to spend more time with your family?”

“No.” It was immediate and weighted in a way that made Shane regret asking.

“Im going to start looking at team offers in a couple days. Farah and my mom wanted to give teams a chance to figure out cap space before I decide.” Shane offered as a change in topic.

“What teams?” Rozanov’s voice a little lighter.

“Haven’t looked yet, I didn’t want to stress about certain teams not offering me anything.”

“Hollander teams will want you. You will likely have your choice of team. You are second best player after all.” Ilya teased but the first part was earnest.

“I am the best asshole.” It was almost a reflex at this point. Then, quieter Shane mumbled “That didn’t stop the Voyagers from not wanting me.”

“Hollander don’t be stupid. Voyagers are fucking morons thought they could get you into staying for nothing but loyalty.” The anger was clear in Rosanov’s voice.

“I didn’t want to leave. I thought I would retire there.”

“It’s good. You no longer have carry Voyagers to playoffs.” There was a pause before Rozanov almost carefully suggested. “Maybe you join the Bears, we are best team.”

“You wouldn’t mind that?” It had been one of Shane’s worries about the Bears.

“No we will win many cups.” Il-Rozanov assured. “Management already tried to, how do you say, beat bush. I assured them no problem.”

“Beat around the bush and you shouldn’t be telling me that.”

“Why? You will know soon anyways. You don’t tell I know and it will be fine. What about your mom isn’t she a big Montréal fan?”

“She is pissed at the Voyagers, she might not like it being Boston but will appreciate the pettiness. That’s not the issue. We need to talk about- We- I don’t know that I will be able to hide us if we are on the same team.” It took a lot for Shane to admit that. He didn’t know what to call what they had together but he knew hiding it would be hard. “We would need to stop whatever this is.”

“If that is what you want, we will stop. I think that we argue enough that they wouldn’t be that suspicious. The two of us hanging out will be seen as teammates spending some time together.” Ilya sounded like he was trying to convince himself.

“Please, you say that as if you won’t say something about my ass within the first week.” Shane certainly wasn’t convinced.

“I will control myself.”

“I didn’t know that you know the meaning of control.” Shane could feel his body relaxing a bit. This was familiar.

“Fuck off, not all of us can be as boring as you.” The smirk in Ilya’s voice showed there was no heat in the chirp.

“Ilya in all seriousness, if Boston does offer me something and it turns out to be the best option I really don’t think what we have will be able to be hidden from at least the team.” Shane didn’t even want to risk it.

“We are doing first names now?” Shane blushed. Fuck, he didn’t even notice when Rozanov became Ilya. It just didn’t feel right to call him Rozanov after they were talking about such personal things. “It’s fine but while playing we need last names. We can say that we are friends after you on team for while. I am also always annoying to everyone, that includes getting into their personal space. Hockey players excuse away a lot of gay shit. We should be fine as long as you don’t get hard staring at my ass again.”

“But what if they do find out?”

“I think it would go well. Why don’t we talk once you choose team you said you might not go with Bears.”

“You’re right, I shouldn’t get anxious over something that might not happen.” Shane sighed. “Sometimes I wish I could just think of nothing.”

“You want me to come fuck you?”

“Ilya!” Shane was glad this wasn’t a video call because he was sure his entire face was red. “Why did that lead to you fucking me? You’re also in Boston!”

“When we fuck you only think about my cock. We’re rich Hollander, I can fly to Montréal.”

“You are not flying here just to fuck me.”

“If you say so.”

“Shit, I need to go I rented a rink and my time is almost over. Goodbye Ilya.”

“Goodbye Shane.”

Chapter 4: Podcast and Choices

Chapter Summary

A podcast on the free agency and Ilya’s worries.

Chapter Notes

First, I am going to be updating similar to how long this chapter took. I have started up online classes again and what I wanted in my head has already been written.

Ao3 was weird about uploading this, bolded everything after copying it in and it wouldn’t let me save as a draft or post so I had to do it again.

Next chapter will be the team choice and moving. After that I will need to learn how to write hockey scenes.

Thanks for all the support!

Bold=Russain

Hockeybuff Podcast:

 

John: We are doing a special episode to talk about the craziness that is this year's free agency.

 

Paul: The number one thing everyone is talking about is Shane Hollander.

 

John: Not only did he not resign with the Voyagers, he is also a unrestricted free agent even though he has only been in the NHL for his four year rookie contract.

 

Paul: John, no one knows what happened but almost everyone is assuming the Voyagers dropped the ball including me.

 

John: They fucked up somehow or Hollander would be a restricted free angent. How the hell do you fumble your captain who brought you two Stanley Cups so badly that you aren’t even getting value out of restricted free agency. Even if you don’t want to pay him out, you would still want to get the most out of the trade from whatever team picked him up.

 

Paul: They have no reason not to pay him, they don’t exactly have an all star roster, they have plenty of cap space even if Hollander is asking for max pay. He has proven that he doesn’t need an all star roster, which you would probably pay more than just paying him max salary.

 

John: I doesn’t matter what he was asking for, no trade: done deal, solo bookings at hotels: most players at that level ask for that its nothing new, and if it is the room that is bad: change the fucking room. You don’t let the star player walk after he brought your struggling franchise to the playoffs every year and two cups when you weren’t even in playoff contention before hand.

 

Paul: And like I said before they don’t have an all star roster, they have a solid team with a few stand outs but without Hollander? Unless they do something drastic I don’t see them being a guaranteed playoff team anymore.

 

John: With other players we would wonder if there was something that we don’t know that led to the Voyagers letting him go. But not only is this the Golden Boy of the hockey world we are talking about, you would still try to get all he’s worth from another team even if that was the case.”

 

Paul: There have been generic statements released by both sides that also lead fans to believe it was management who dropped the ball. If the rumors are to be believed it was Hollander’s team that reached out first and there wasn’t any attempt to negotiate from either side after that. The Voyagers also have already decided on who their next captain is going to be! It’s been a few days! Their old captain hasn’t even decided where he’s going yet.!

 

John: That brings us to the next question: where is Hollander going to end up? 

 

Paul: I don’t know but I feel like any team with common sense should be putting in a bid for him.

 

John: I think he will have his choice of whatever team he wants, if he shows interest they will make the space. 

 

Paul: Most teams are waiting to see if he shows interest before making any big moves. There has been a lot of chatter this last week but very little trading. 

 

John: It hasn’t been a week yet, Hollanders teams are probably trying to get the best deal.

 

Paul: That's the thing too, no one knows what exactly Hollander wants so no one knows what the best deal is. He doesn’t seem like the type to just go to the team offering him the most money, especially with all the brand deals he does.

 

John: I don’t think so either, if he does he will probably go to his home town of Ottawa. Though, we have seen how competitive he is, especially against Romanov. You don’t get two Stanley cups without the drive and want to do so.

 

Paul: I guess we will have to wait and see like everyone else.

 

John: Yeah and we will for sure do another episode as soon as it is announced where he is going. So see you next time!

 

---

 

After he hung up Ilya didn’t know what to do. He was serious about his offer to fly over to fuck Shane and that was scary. Shane was right they couldn’t stay just fuck buddies.

 

Did he want that? Ilya tried to sound confident over the phone about it but that was the part of him that did not want to let Shane go. He wanted to play on the same team as Shane. Svetlana made sure to make him prepared if he ever wanted to come out or was outed. But this would be putting it to the test. This wasn’t planning this was real.

 

Ilya knew he was going to live outside of Russia for good, but giving up the chance to ever visit his homeland was daunting. He wanted to be able to see his niece when she was old enough to make her own decisions. Not being able to go to his mothers grave again was also a huge downside. His dad was sick and while Ilya had gotten him support he should but Ilya should be there taking care of him. What if his health declines? Ilya was selfish for not staying in Russia. He could not bring himself to ruin his career over someone who was disappointed in him, no matter how much his country and his mind says he should.

 

Russia was never the friendliest towards gays, but had passed a law last year against gay propaganda. Having his face on a newspaper about him being gay would definitely qualify.

 

Ilya knew most of the team would be fine, but he didn’t know that for sure. Not slaying slurs and being okay with a queer on your team were two different things. He knew management would be okay with it as they supported him when he punished slurs in the locker room after he became captain. He also flirted with most of his team, so him flirting with Shane wouldn't be too unusual.

 

Would Shane even be comfortable with that? Did he even deserve Shane? Would Shane want something serious? Ilya wasn’t exactly someone who you brought home to your parents. 

 

Before he could get too into his pity party his phone rang. It was Svetlana.

 

“Hello,” Ilya’s sure his voice gave away how he was feeling. She knew him too well.

 

“Are you okay? Do I need to come over?”

 

“No, I fine.”

 

“Ilyusha, you are not fine. Tell me what is wrong or I will come bother you in person till you tell me.”

 

“I- You need to tell me it’s a bad idea.”

 

“What’s a bad idea? And why is it making you sad?”

 

“There is someone-“ Ilya paused, unsure how to convey without giving too much away.

 

“Is this about the person you were texting in Russia? Did you do something?” Svetlana was always smarter than people gave her credit for.

 

“Yes and I didn’t do anything yet.”

 

“Are you sure? With how you sound it doesn’t seem to be going well. And you have a tendency to push away people when they get too close.” Despite her words the tone didn’t sound accusing. “No matter what happened I will help you, I just need to know what happened.”

 

“We aren’t serious, it’s not like that.”

 

“But you want it to be.” Her words hit harder than they should.

 

“I don’t know what I want.”

 

“Ilyusha, you wouldn't sound like this if you weren’t serious about this person. I saw your face while you were texting them, that wasn't the face of someone texting a fuck buddy.”

 

“We can’t even if I wanted to.”

 

“Why can’t you? I didn’t drag you through the nightmare that is US immigration for you to use the excuse that he is a guy. I know you aren’t ready to give up Russia yet despite treating every trip there like your last. But don’t throw away a chance with someone who makes you smile like that because of your awful family.” Trust Svetlana to pick up on the fact that it was a guy without Ilya telling her.

 

“That’s- He’s moving for his job and Boston could be a choice. Both our jobs would be at risk if we were found out. The Bears will probably be okay, but I don’t know about the league itself or my team.”

 

“You will not lose your job the Bears value you too much and will fight anything the league tries to do to you and will support you if some of your teammates turn out to be homophobic.”

 

“We don't know that for sure.”

 

“They would be stupid not to, and they aren’t stupid. You know this, I feel like you are trying every possible reason to not give this relationship a chance.”

 

“I don’t know if he would want to take the risk. He’s not out and is terrified of being out. He might not end up moving somewhere close.”

 

“So you are scared he doesn’t want this as much as you want it.”

 

“No,” it didn’t sound very convincing even to him.

 

“Have you asked if he would want a serious relationship?”

 

“No.”

 

“I think you should ask him and have a serious conversation about the risks and if you both are okay with them. Don’t take away his chance to choose by assuming he won’t be okay with the risks. It may not work out, but I don’t want you regretting not even trying to make it work. If he says no it might not be the right time for him. I don’t want you to take it personally if he isn’t ready to take those risks.”

 

Ilya doesn’t know what to say, luckily he doesn’t really have to as she continues.

 

“You deserve to be happy, please at least think about it. I will help you in any way I can. Just please don’t be too scared of getting close with someone that you throw away this chance, no matter where he moves to.”

 

“Maybe.”

 

 

Chapter 5: Choosing

Chapter Summary

Shane chooses a team and starts moving.

Chapter Notes

This was a little difficult to write, didn’t know exactly where it was going to go. Next chapter might be social media if I can figure out how to do it. Idk yet but the podcast may make a return. If you can’t tell I am just winging it with no plan whatsoever.

Thank you all for the kudos and to those who commented. I am sorry to any guests, I am too scared to let guests comment on this work, especially since it has been over a decade since I have written anything.

Sorry no sex scenes. May try eventually, but doubtfull.

Shane had his first session with his therapist. He had extensively researched sports therapists who had good reviews. The thing that made the decision to go with Leah over the others was the fact she had a wife. Shane wasn't okay talking about his sexuality right now but maybe in the future. He also wanted to be safe if it slipped out during one of his sessions.

He thinks it went okay. It was almost two hours long with all that was going on even with keeping his sexuality a secret. She recommended him to have sessions at least every week until he felt more settled about his move. After that they would meet once a month to deal with his anxiety. In hindsight, Shane should have probably been doing that before everything happened.

She had given him some coping mechanisms and reframed situations in a way that made them not as bad. He didn’t agree or accept most of what she said but it gave him perspectives to think about that wouldn’t make him spiral. She also helped him work through what he was feeling which helped a bit.

Once he decided what team he was going to Leah was going to talk to the team doctor about anxiety medications he could take that were best and safest for him in the NHL. He wasn’t thrilled with the idea of meds and wanted to try the non-pill options first. However, if it was best for him to be medicated he wanted it to be something he took daily instead of when needed. He didn’t want to make others aware of it by taking it in front of people and he liked to routiness of it better. Shane hoped the team he chose would be chill about it if found out. The Voyagers certainly wouldn't be besides Hayden and J.J.

There were a lot of teams who offered him deals or at least expressed interest. Most of them were not options due to being nowhere near playoff contention and very few teams in playoff contention had cap space.

“I can’t believe I am saying this but I think the Bears are the best choice right now.” Shane was also surprised that those words came from his die hard Voyager fan mother despite the fact that she now hated Montréal. “They have the cap space right away as two higher paid veterans retired and one was replaced with a drafted rookie from last year. They offered you the other alternative caption role beside Marlow and an iron clad no trade rule. They aren’t offering the highest salary but it is above our minimum and comparable to Rozanov’s. If you can get along with Rozanov and the team, then winning the cup would be very possible and very likely.”

“I should be fine, our rivalry was mostly the leagues making anyway. We are very competitive but we won’t start fighting each other.” Shane was telling the truth even if he wasn’t saying the full truth. “He also likes winning too much to let the team ruin it because of me formally being on a rival team. Most players understand that trading and players moving teams is part of the sport.”

“The media might think that this move is you being petty.” Farah pointed out.

“That would be part of the reason to be honest.” Shane blushed as he admitted to it. He still didn’t completely believe that he didn’t do something that made the Voyagers not want to resign him. But there was no denying the racist discrimination that had played a big part in the decision. Picking the Bears would certainly piss off those racist bastards the most.

“I think you have the management on your side if you have any issues,” Farah commented. “They were quite enthusiastic in their email and they are offering a no trade clause before they know how well you will fit into the team.” That was a little reassuring to be honest.

“My worry is that you will feel left out with the party and fighting culture the Bears maintain.” Yuna fretted.

“I didn’t exactly mesh well with the Voyager's culture either. Yeah I got along pretty well with them and considered most my friends, but the bar culture limited me to only being close with Hayden and JJ.” Shane pointed out. It didn’t effect how well they played so he didn’t care too much. He was just grateful to have close friends as he didn’t have that going into the draft. He wasn’t even that close with his girlfriend at the time. “I was fine with how it was but I definitely didn’t fit in.”

“Oh honey, why didn’t you say something?” His moms voice sounded so concerned.

“The room was still fine, I was pretty happy with it. I am really close to two of the players, which is better than any of the teams I have been on in the past. Besides, it didn’t mean that we couldn’t play well together. They respected me as a captain.” There were some slurs his rookie year that he made sure weren’t okay to say when he became captain and they listened for the most part.

“I didn’t realize, but it’s good that you were happy. Don’t worry sweetie we will make sure to punish the management for their sins” Yuna was steaming.

“I don’t want to make a huge deal about it. Yes, it sucks but I don’t want it to be a public thing.” He just wanted all this to be over with.

“We will take care of, if there is a measure that needs to be public we will run it by you first.” Farah reassured.

“I guess I am going to Boston.”

The drive sucked. Shane had put anything he needed immediately in his car and left the rest for the movers. He found an Airbnb that he booked for two weeks to give him time to find a place. Shane didn’t need to be in Boston that early but he wanted to find a place so he could get into a routine before the season started.

He dropped his things off in the Airbnb before getting back in the car to drive to Ilya’s house. Sending a text to Ilya before he left of his eta, Shane made his way through Boston traffic.

Shane needed the calmness that only being with Ilya seemed to provide. He wasn't quite ready for the talk about their relationship yet. Maybe when his stomach didn’t feel like he was going to throw up from his nerves.

He paused for a minute when he got to the door before knocking. It was his first time here. Ilya seemed to be waiting for him to arrive as it didn’t take more than 30 seconds to open the door. Shane doesn’t know what posses him when the first thing he does is burst into tears.

“Holl-Shane.” Ilya doesn’t seem to know what to say so he gently leads Shane to his couch and hugs him. Ilya mumbles some words that could be English or Russian Shane doesn’t know.

“I-I just-“ why can’t he say anything. He is sitting in his rivals, house ugly crying for no reason. He was fine why was he crying?

“Shhh, you don’t need to say anything.” Ilya put a hand in Shane’s hair, keeping his arm around Shane. It is an embarrassingly long time before Shane stops crying.

“I’m sorry-“ Shane started as he sniffled.

“No apologies. It is fine.” Ilya cuts him off before he could continue.

“It’s been a lot.” Shane hates how small his voice sounded. “I don’t know what I did wrong. I thought I proved myself worth keeping. I thought that I would retire there.” He couldn’t look up from where his head is on Ilya’s chest.

Ilya’s hand lifted Shane’s head till their eyes met “Listen. You did nothing wrong. They are wrong. You are best player in NHL. They’re just assholes. You joined best team. We will keep.”

“Do you think the team will like me?”

“Yes they are good. They will be happy that we have second best player.”

“Asshole. You just said I was the best.” Shane pulls away from Ilya’s hold. The mood shifted to something a little lighter.

“I did not. You hear things.” There was a brief silence.

“Ilya”

“Da?”

“Can you make me not think?” Ilya kisses him in response.

Chapter 6: Meetings

Chapter Summary

Two emergency meetings happen for the Bears.

Chapter Notes

Reminder: I don’t know Hockey, just did a bit of research.
I also tried social media style and decided it was too much work.

Thanks again for all the support!

Coach LeClaire didn’t think much about Shane Hollander’s free agency besides feeling happy and surprised that Montréal was going to be a lot easier to beat. Hollander would just move to another team and bring them up. It would just be two team switching standings. There was no chance that Hollander would choose the Bears with Roz being on the team and being division rivals for so long. It would be amazing to have them both if they could manage to not kill each other, but that is just a dream.

 

When the GM, Ryan Ashburn, asked to discreetly see if Roz would be okay with Hollander on the team, he did so but doubted it would be useful information. LeClaire was surprised with Roz’s answer and the fact that Roz seemed to know exactly what LeClaire was fishing for in the conversation.

 

It made sense to put in an offer. They had more cap space than most teams because they were struggling to replace their retired forward. It didn’t hurt to at least put in a bid for him, even if there was almost no chance Hollander would choose them.

 

A phone call on LeClaire’s day off changed everything. Ashburn was almost giddy, which was already weird. Apparently Hollander’s agent had expressed interest. It threw LeClaire through a loop. Hollander had been rejecting a lot of the offers coming his way. Most were understandable as LeClaire didn’t think Hollander would want to rebuild a team again. Hollander may not reveal much about himself, but it is easy to see just from his rivalry that he is very competitive. The Bears were a good team, a great team even, but not everyone can put aside their feelings and there was a lot between Hollander and the Bears.

 

LeClaire was sure most of the Bears would be fine with it. Roz said he would be fine but LeClaire didn't completely believe that. But here was Hollander who also was willing to work with Roz. Did Roz and Hollander not hate each other? What did Montréal do that pissed off Hollander so much that Boston was even an option?

 

“We are going to win so many cups.” Ashburn had wonder in his voice.

 

“He hasn’t signed yet, we are probably not the only team he is looking at.” LeClaire was still skeptical. “Also they might be good individually, but there is no guarantee that Roz and Hollander will be able to work together well on the ice. They have two very different play styles.”

 

“Then keep them on separate lines. How scared do you think teams will be if we essentially have two first lines of forwards? Rozanov spends a good amount of time in the sin bin anyways, so you can send in Hollander when that happens. Hollander never gets into fights.”

 

“Again as amazing as that sounds, we can start planning and celebrating if he actually signs with us.”

 

“You're right, but we do need to at least plan ahead a little bit on what to do if this goes through. His agent has scheduled a call with us in 30 minutes. If he does sign with us there is a lot we need to do. We will most likely delay the announcement a couple days to let us prep for the chaos that will follow.”

 

“I know hockey media and fans on social media will lose their minds. What else would you need to prepare for?”

 

“The owner has okayed the hiring of two PR interns to help with managing social media so the two PR people can focus on anything else. They will start as seasonal positions but we might make them permanent if needed. We can also start the process of mass production of his jersey. Speaking of, is the number 24 available? If not, see what the player wants for it.”

 

“It is available.” 

 

“Good, another thing we can offer.”

 

“So who all is going to be in this call?”

 

“From the email I assume it will be Hollander, his agent, and his mom.” Ashburn double checked his inbox. “If this call goes well we will have two generational players on our team. We need to not fuck this up. Let’s hope this goes well.”

 

---

 

Shane had stayed the night as he immediately passed out after Ilya finished fucking him. Ilya couldn’t bring himself to wake Shane up as he had such big circles under his eyes.

 

In the morning Ilya woke up to a text from his coach about a Captains meeting. With a deep sigh, Ilya looked away from his phone and took in the sight of Shane asleep beside him. It was such a pretty thing to wake up to. A sight that was new to Ilya. He lightly brushed his hand against Shane’s face before getting out of bed. Ilya made sure to flick Shane’s phone on silent before sending him a text about where he was going. Shane needed his sleep and Ilya needed to talk to his coach.

 

Ilya knew what the meeting was about before he got there. A captains meeting the day after Shane got to Boston? There was nothing else it could be at this time of the year, especially since Ilya was still in Russia most years. 

 

“So what’s with a meeting way before training camps start? Are the emails about not making rookies cry no longer enough?” Marlow obviously had no idea what this meeting was about.

 

“No, but that is close enough.” Coach LeClaire started. “We have recruited a new forward.”

 

“Why does that need a captains meeting?” It was a valid question, trades and signing people wasn’t new.

 

“Because Shane Hollander is coming in later today to sign paperwork to officially become a Bear.” Ashburn got straight to the point.

 

Ilya didn’t have to act surprised, hearing it actually happening was still a shock even though he knew. He was much faster to recover than Marly though.

 

“Hollander? He chose the Bears?” Marly almost yelled.

 

“So he decided to join best team.” Ilya tried not to give anything away with the tone of his voice.

 

“So you are okay with him on the team? I know I hinted at it but I wasn’t a hundred percent sure that the question got across.” LeClaire commented, staring at Ilya.

 

“Why wouldn’t I want second best player on the team? We will win many cups.” Ilya wanted to at least make that clear. Even if he disliked Hollander that still would be true.

 

“You aren’t going to fight him right?” Marly didn’t believe him.

 

“When have I ever fought Hollander? He is famous Golden Boy who doesn’t fight.” 

 

“You don't exactly get along, and are famously rivals.” Marly pointed out.

 

“Media says we are rivals. You think I will risk losing to fight someone with a weak backhand?” 

 

“We weren’t sure what to think.” LeClaire cuts in. “But we are grateful that you are okay with this, we didn’t want to scare you off or think we were trying to replace you. In the deal we also offered him the other alternative position; is that something you are both okay with?”

 

“Of course we are.” Ilya left no room for Marly to protest. 

 

“Since you are so supportive of this we also wanted to ask that you both report anyone who isn’t as supportive.” Ashburn requested.

 

“Sure, but I don’t think that will be a problem. Everyone may hate playing against Hollander, but there is no one in the room who doesn’t respect him as a player. If him and Rozy can get along? We are going to be unstoppable.” Marly was quick to assure. Ilya nodded in agreement, he also didn’t see there being an issue.

 

“Thank you. This stays between us right now. We are going to announce it in a couple days so we can prepare. I don’t want to hear a word about it until then, okay?” Ashburn’s tone said there would be consequences if there was.

Chapter 7: Reactions

Chapter Summary

Reactions to the announcement that Shane joined the bears

Chapter Notes

Next chapter: actually Hockey!

Wow! people really liked that I went with Boston, might write a one shot that has been forming in my head for a little while.

Also a chapter disappeared. I apparently saved chapter three as a draft and posted it because ao3 was being difficult, so chapter 4 was invisible but I deleted it so sorry to those who bookmark with the last chapter they have read.

Thanks again for all the support!

Hockeybuff Podcast:

 

John: We are back two days after the announcement to talk about the confusing decision by Shane Hollander to join the Bears.

 

Paul: Everyone is questioning if this decision will blow up in his face when him and Rozanov can’t get along and fight.

 

John: Hollander chose the team knowing he would need to work with him, he is at least willing to work with him.

 

Paul: I don’t think Hollander is the question here, it is Rozanov. Hollander still has yet to get in a fight in the NHL and people who aren’t his rival get goaded into starting a fight by Rozanov.

 

John: That might say something about Rozanov too. After the announcement someone went and looked at the interviews when they talk about each other, Rozanov didn't insult Hollander besides calling him boring. Every other insult is about hockey skills and how he will be better or beat Hollander. The same for Hollander, at no point does either of them say they hate the other.

 

Paul: Is the rivalry just the league making mutual competitiveness into hatred? There is no question that they want to beat each other through stats and game wins. 

 

John: Most people are very sceptical that they will be able to work together well. Ignoring if they hate each other or not they have two completely different play styles that likely won’t work well together.

 

Paul: If you have one on the first line and the other on the second line, they may be able to work okay, but who do you put on the power play?

 

John: But what if they do work well together?

 

Paul: Objectively, this is a pretty good deal for Hollander. This is a team who regularly gets into the playoffs and he was part of the reason they didn’t go farther last year. The pay is low, but Rozanov took a similar amount but he gave a discount that most give to the teams who draft them. It isn’t too far away from his home town of Ottawa and they gave him the open A. He also isn’t creating bad blood by taking anyone else’s position because the cap he is using and the A was made vacant by retirements. Not that many players would hold a grudge for that, but it helps when you are joining your division rival where there could be existing resentment. Also it is a bit of a fuck you to the Voyagers.

 

John: On paper this is a great move. 

 

Paul: But real life is different then on paper. 

 

John: If nothing else the Bears have stolen the main reason Montréal won cups. They decreased their opponents in the playoffs by one.

 

Paul: They took away the greatest asset from the biggest cup contender.

 

John: But only time will tell if it was the best decision they ever made or what blows up their own game.

 

---

 

Scott

Rook WTF?

The Bears?

You know Rozanov is on that team?

Your rival!!!

Why couldn’t you have become an Admiral?

 

Shane (Rook)

So they finally announced it?

I haven’t been on social media, my team is controlling it right now

Sorry

If it makes you feel any better Admirals were my choice if the Bears didn’t work out.

And yes they had a good offer and it will piss off Montréal

Rivalry was just good PR 

 

Scott 

I didn’t know you were that petty

How the fuck did they piss you off?

 

Shane (Rook)

Someone like me shouldn’t be the highest paid player on their team

Considering they called me a diversity hire when I signed…

Even I know what that means

 

Scott

You mean the rest of us has racism to thank for having you and Rozanov on the same team?

Fuck

Why can’t people not be bigots

And if you’re going to be a bigot don’t be so fucking stupid as to let your captain go willingly into the arms of your rival

 

Shane (Rook)

I wanted to stay but their offer was lower than most of the teams who reached out to me

They also said nothing of a no trade clause

My agent said they were better off telling her to Fuck off

Instead of potentially trying to guilt and belittle me into a contract well below what I’m worth

 

Scott

So they said thanks for the cups but we don’t want to spend money on you and you are not valuable to us

When you raised them from a bottom tier team to back to back cup wins

 

Shane (Rook)

That’s what my mom and agent said

 

Scott

…

I really hate Montréal 

 

Shane (Rook)

Get in line

My team is on a war path

But I won’t be mad if you check Comeau a little too hard

 

Scott

Why him?

Didn’t management screw you over?

 

Shane (Rook)

Yeah but he was very liberal with his slurs

Always had him do bag skates when I heard it

He just waited till I wasn’t around

 

Scott

Asshole

Maybe

you okay?

 

Shane (Rook)

I’ll be fine

Doing better now that things aren’t as unsure

Being able to plan helps

Thank you

 

Scott

I’m glad that you’re doing better

Switching teams is never easy

Try not to embarrass my team too badly when we meet?

 

Shane (Rook)

Not a chance

It might have been good PR 

But the competition between us was very real, no holding back

Besides Rozanov makes it easier by sitting in the penalty box for half the game

 

---

 

Jane

Scott is scared that we are on the same team.

 

Lily

He should be 😈

 

Jane

I told him you fight too much to be on the ice for most of the game, so not too much difference 

 

Lily

And you say I’m the asshole

 

Jane

You are

 

Lily

See now you’re bullying me

 

Jane

It’s not bullying when it’s the truth

 

Lily

See! asshole!

 

Jane

fuck off

 

Lily

Too far to fuck you

 

Jane

you're such an asshole

I have to go my agent is calling me

 

Lily

Good excuse 

 

Jane

Goodbye Lily

 

---

 

“They want you to go to the practice center with some of the players still in Boston if you can before training camp starts.” Farah told Shane. “You don't have to but that is up to you. They haven’t added you to all of the communications yet, but the optional practices start at noon Monday, Wednesday, and Friday until the training camp starts. Only some of the players will show, but it is probably better that you meet them in smaller groups”

 

“That’s fine I probably would go anyway. I want to get into a routine and it has been a week since I had any serious practice.” 

 

“How are you feeling now? I know this has been a lot.”

 

“I hate that any of this happened, but I am a little better. Once I get my own place, I think I will be able to really relax. Meeting the team is a little daunting but that is something I know needs to happen. I think that meeting some of the Bears and not all at once will be better for me. It makes it a little less daunting. Also my therapist is helping me more than I would like to admit.”

 

“And Rosanov?”

 

“They said they asked him discreetly before they offered and he knew what they were asking. He said it was fine, that it just meant we were going to win the cup.”

 

“That’s probably the best we can ask for. Tell me if that isn’t the case, I don’t want you to remain somewhere you're hated.”

 

“I should be fine.” Shane wasn't convinced that would be the case, but he knew Ilya would have his back if anything came up.

 

“I will send you some housing that you can look into today.”

 

“Thank you Farah, I will call you if any of them work out.”

 

“Youre welcome, talk to you soon.”

 

“Thank you again, Bye.” 

 

Chapter 8: Practice and Hayden

Chapter Summary

Shane interacts with the bears for the first time and Hayden texts him after.

Chapter Notes

This is set in 2014 btw

This chapter gave me trouble, I relate a lot to Shane so Ilya is hard along with the other Bears and I copped out a little with the hockey bits.

Again thank you for all the support!

Shane sat in his car trying to calm his nerves a little. He already missed being on ice, but the anxiety over meeting new people was overwhelming. He managed to force himself out of his car after ten minutes.

He shouldn’t be so anxious, Ilya told him the team chat was positive about him joining the team. They were very confused and thought it was a joke at first. Which Shane understood, he is sure that is most people’s response.

“I knew you would be boringly early.” Ilya’s playful tone greets Shane as soon as he steps inside.

“You were waiting for me?” Shane was surprised.

“Da,” was all Shane got as a response. Shane didn’t know how to respond so he just let Ilya lead him to the locker room. Luckily Shane had gotten done with all the physicals the day before when he finished signing all the papers and his visa was processed fast enough for him to practice.

“Coach watching but he is mostly there to make sure a fight doesn't happen.” Ilya commented as the stepped into the locker room.

“Hollander!” Someone who he recognized as Marlow. He was one of two people in the locker room when they got there. “You are in luck, you get to have the cubby besides me. I know they said they signed you, but it still is a little surprising to see you.”

“It was surprising to me too.” Shane stated without getting into details. He stared at the black and gold jersey with his name on it.

“I’m surprised you two walked in here together without killing each other. Roz said there wouldn't be issues, but we didn’t quite believe him.” The other occupant in the room St. Simon piped up as he laced up his skates.

“Why would fight? He needs to score us all the goals so we win the cup” Ilya said as he leaned an arm across Shane’s shoulders. “He can’t fight anyway, would be like fighting kitten.”

“Fuck off Rozanov” Shane shrugged his arm off. “Someone has to score when you spend the game in the penalty box.”

“Are you sure you want to be on the same team as this asshole?” Marlow joked as he elbowed Ilya in the ribs lightly.

“I knew that when I signed but ask me later.” This was a topic he could chirp about. Shane didn’t feel as awkward as he thought he would.

“Why are you all bullying me? I am your captain!” Ilya exclaimed, acting offended but his grin gave him away.

“Alright you drama queen, let him get ready in peace. I really want to see how it is to be working with him instead of against him.” St. Simon called out.

It was weird getting dressed not in Voyagers colors. He didn’t want to say it felt wrong, but he was expecting everything to be a different color than it was and everything was too new.

By the time he got his skates on there were a couple more bears in the locker room. Thankfully, no one tried to start a conversation with him besides some greetings. Shane was aware his greetings back were mumbled but he was just glad he could respond at all.

Shane was grateful the equipment manager was there to give him his stick. The familiar motions of taping it almost had him ignoring the stares.

Getting onto the ice was a relief even in this unfamiliar environment. Warmups had Shane loose a little bit of the stress that had building up. He tuned out the chatter between other players and tried to relax a bit. It was hard because by the time they were done warming up there was about a dozen players on the ice. Shane was aware of a lot of eyes on him and he could feel his anxiety spiking.

“Alright! As you know we now have new teammate. He is okay, but has a weak backhand. But it’s okay, we fix.” Ilya addresses the team. There is some chuckles and Shane feels his lips twitch but scowls at him. “We see who does okay with him.”

Working with the Bears is interesting. Shane adapts okay to most of them. He didn’t have his line change too much with the Voyagers so he a little rusty on adapting to others. They try out some lines before doing some scrimmage games. They keep the blocking to light checking only. Doing anything more before training camp starts is stupid. They don’t have a goalie anyways so they can’t do a full scrimmage.

Playing against Ilya is always intense, even without the seriousness of an actual game. Most of the Bears tell Shane how grateful they are to be on the same team as he makes plays with them.

They wait until the end before they try a line with Shane and Ilya together. They both try centering and being the right wing. Something just clicks with both combos and it shows. Shane can’t keep himself from smiling. It’s not perfect, one of them either way is playing out of position but it feels amazing.

Ilya is on his right and Marlow on his left when it happens. Shane steals the puck from St. Simon then passes it through Hammersmith’s legs to Ilya who got there right as the puck did.

“What the fuck?!”

“Oh my god!”

“We are going to win so many cups!”

Shane looks over to his new teammates to see them staring in shock. They were a little amazed throughout the practice but now there was just plain disbelief.

“I know cap told us not to overwhelm you with questions, but I have so many.” Marlow was looking at Shane with just as much shock as the rest of them. “Is this why you chose our team? Because you and Roz are telepathic? Never mind the fact that the pass was impossible in the first place, you didn’t say a word but Roz was there.”

“What? No, well.. kinda? I didn’t know that working with Rozanov would be like this. I just chose the team who had a decent offer that would be the most likely to earn a cup if I joined.” Shane wasn't able to meet anyone’s eyes as he answered. He then turned to Ilya “I can take care of myself, you don’t need to do that.”

“Hollander, there is never this many training during off season.” Ilya explains. “Don’t want them to scare you off before you win us cup.”

“When Shane Fucking Hollander joins our team, hell yeah we are coming in. I don’t think any us regret coming in to see whatever the fuck that was.” Shane thinks it’s Carmichael chimes in. There is a general noise of agreement.

“A little off topic but, I want to thank you guys for being so okay about me joining the team. Even without Rozanov’s meddling, this is a much warmer reception than I was expecting.”

“Are you kidding? You are a terror to play against! Anyone who wouldn't want that on their team have clearly taken too many pucks to the head.” St. Simon exclaimed. Everyone nodded along.

“I think our goalie started crying with joy when he saw that you signed with us.” Hammersmith added. “The only reason he’s not here is he wants to put off when he has to defend against you every practice.”

“I'm so glad you and Rozy are fine working together because what you just did was terrifying.” Marlow shakes his head. “I was on the same line as you fuckers and I am positive that you are reading each others minds.”

“Yes we are very amazing.” Ilya bragged. “We will make other teams cry.”

“We are not going to make other teams cry.” Shane stated firmly.

“I would cry if I was up against that.” St Simon very helpfully piped in.

“Even if they don’t cry I think there will be a lot of people mad at the Voyagers for letting you go.” Marlow adds. Practice wraps up quickly after.

As they were leaving Shane got a lot of ‘welcome to the team’ and ‘glad you’re here’ along with some pats on the back. It was a little much for him, but not completely overwhelming.

Shane gets to his Airbnb before his phone notifies him of a messag.

Hayden
Is your mom and agent still in control of your socials?

Shane
Yes, why?

Hayden
It’s nothing

Shane
You wouldn’t ask if it was nothing

Hayden
It’s just…
This is going to be a lot but I can’t risk waking up the baby with a phone call
Some guys on the team aren’t happy with you leaving
Or the fact you signed with the bears
Which is stupid
Everyone knows you wanted to stay
They don’t even know exactly why you left
But it is clear to most that it was management that fucked up

Shane didn’t know what to do with that.

Hayden
I notified the PR department to try to get them to take it down
Bashing your ex-captain is not a good look
You are dealing with enough without them bashing you online
I mean, it sucks that the feel that way in the first place
But they shouldn’t post their opinions online
People leave for other teams all the time
I don’t understand why you picked the bears but I don’t think you are a traitor for choosing them.

Fuck. Shane agreed that he didn’t need this right now. He didn’t make a lot of friends on the team, but he thought he was pretty friendly with most of them.

Shane
I’ll let my team deal with that
I know I am not the easiest person to get along with but I thought they at least respected me.

Hayden
Jackie and I want you to know we are here for you
You are easy to get along with
They just never put in the time to get to know you
Gtg the baby is crying
Don’t think that them being assholes is because of you

Shane needed a long shower. He sent a text to Farah before taking his second shower of the day. Hopefully it would clear his head a bit.

Chapter 9: LeClaire and Tiredness

Chapter Summary

LeClaire is excited and Ilya isn’t feeling it.

Chapter Notes

Thank you all for the kudos and comments!

I think Ilya is getting a little easier to write, I feel like I just need to work to make him a little more impulsive.

Coach LeClaire didn’t know how to feel. When Roz said it was fine with Hollander he thought it would be professional at best, tolerating at worst. He knew Roz would have been honest if he really couldn’t work with Hollander. LeClaire had been fine with the fact that they would most likely need to be on separate lines. Other teams would have to either leave their first line for longer or have their second line go against a generational talent. They would have the advantage regardless. Whatever that was had been exceeding anything he could have hoped for.

Not only was Hollander fine being on the second line, both centers were willing to try being each other's wings. Even if LeClaire didn’t put them on the same line, their power play would make others regret everything. He already had other coaches he kept in contact with bitching about the two star centers being on the same team. What is going to be their reaction to the two being on the ice at the same time? LeClaire was their coach and he thought it was terrifying. He would even dare to say that it was the start of a dynasty.

When LeClaire had sent out the message to the team that Hollander was practicing starting today, he didn’t think so many would show up. He wasn’t surprised but he was grateful. LeClaire knew that a good portion of the team used the offseason to visit family. Some may have already returned as they had been off for a few weeks since they got knocked out of the payoffs. These optional skates were just times there would be staff there for anyone who wanted to keep up their skills. There were typically only three to five players if that.

He needed to talk to PR. They were busy trying to get ready for the press conference this weekend but he will keep it short. This chemistry is something he wants to only show in the regular season. He needed to focus on testing all line combinations anyways. With the Bears' tendency to get into fights, LeClaire wanted to test out everyone with Hollander. PR would probably be okay with it, they were just happy to have someone who was press trained that actually used their training. He also needed to talk to Hollander before the press conference that was going to happen this Saturday. Hollander wasn’t one to give the press anything at all, but it wouldn’t hurt to check.

After he stopped by PR he might see if Ashburn wanted to get a drink later. It might have been mostly Hollander’s own motivations that brought him to the Bears but Ashburn deserved some credit for giving Hollander a deal that he was not only happy with, but was okay with taking a cap friendly amount for someone of his caliber. Ashburn also had the balls to give Hollander a full no-trade clause and the other Alternate captain spot without knowing for sure if the two rivals would get along. They had asked, but it was still a bit of a gamble with how much history these two had. Most people who talked about the signing were betting on how long before it blew up in their faces, not if it would blow up in their faces.

 

Ilya didn’t know playing with Shane would be so amazing. He didn’t know playing on the same line as someone who was on the same level as him was so fun. He had wondered what it would be like but never saw it as an option. The fact that the Bears had the cap space when Shane was looking for a new team was a miracle. The Bears would have surely traded someone to make room, but it was easier to offer what they did.

When he got home he made a quick meal before finally looking at the team group chat. It had been going crazy since the news broke that Shane signed and got worse after the practice. It was just more amazement and excitement so he just closed the chat before clicking Marley’s messages.

Marley
Did you two really not know you could fucking do that?

Roz
How would we know this?
Also WTF Marley

Marley
I am not sorry
We were on our best behavior
He didn’t seem to mind
I should be saying WTF
Management said make sure the team is treating him well
Not fucking threaten the team with bag skates so they don’t overwhelm him

Roz
Hollander is anxiety
His team he was going to retire with said we don’t want you
Since he was off winning those assholes a cup he learned two weeks ago
And he joined rival team
Who are loud and fight a lot
Yes, he wants to tell everyone why his team threw him away

Marley
When you put it like that I get it
It is just so unlike you
He is your rival since you were drafted
That doesn’t just fucking disappear

Roz
He is rival
I know best
We win cup with him

Marley
I kinda get it?
It’s still weird
But today seemed okay
He was definitely stressed and awkward
But joined making fun of you
And relaxed on ice a bit

Ilya didn’t text back. Shane had been anxious all practice and Ilya was pleasantly surprised that he had chirped Ilya. Shane in Boston colors? Ilya had thought about Shane in Ilya's jersey. It was still something he wanted. Seeing
Shane in Boston colors made him feel more like Ilya’s and that was scary.

Friday came faster than Ilya would have liked. It was one of those days when it was really hard to justify getting out of bed. He managed to drag himself out of bed. He didn’t have the energy to make breakfast and didn’t have much of an appetite anyways. Getting ready was also a struggle as all he thought about was crawling in bed and doing nothing. The thing that motivated him to get out the door is the thought of playing alongside Shane again.

Marley notices his mood right away.

“Do you want me to take charge or do you want to test Mr. Hokey IQ. If nothing else he can take us through drills.” Marley asks seconds after Ilya arrives in the locker room.

“I'm fine, just tired.” Ilya immediately defends.

“You didn’t answer the question. They didn’t give us the A to do nothing.”

“Hollander but only if he says okay.” Ilya knew how smart Shane was when it came to hockey. He was curious to see how he would organize the team or even just the drills he would take them through.

“That’s fine, it is only his second practice. I will go ask him if he is okay with it while you get geared up and I will take charge if he says no.” Marley goes out to the ice. Ilya didn’t know what he did to deserve a friend like him.

He takes twice the time to get ready than he usually would, but he gets it done. Marley skates over to him as soon as he hits the ice.

“Hollzy said he was fine with it. He was hesitant because he is so new but I assured him it was fine.”

“Hollzy?”

“Dont ask me one of the guys who got here early asked him if it was okay and it spread.”

“Hmmm.”

Shane seemed to be nervous at first but his Captain facade came out pretty quickly. There was still some hesitation and anxiety but for the most part he was steady. Shane started out with drills. The drills were definitely different. The Bears focused less on precision than the Voyagers and it showed as they started. Ilya was able to keep up for the most part but there were some parts he struggled with. Despite most struggling the practice was not too labor intensive

“Let’s take a break and after we can do some scrimmage like last time.”

“You and Rozy can’t be on the same side this time.” St. Simon declares. Ilya watched as Shane’s lips twitched and felt himself doing the same. Today was a bad day, but it wasn’t horrible.

They did in fact be on the same line, but they made it a three on five. It was almost as amazing as yesterday. Ilya wished he could fully appreciate it.

“Hey Hollzy! I am having a BBQ this Sunday at my house. Would you be up for it?” Hammersmith attempted to be casual about it. Ilya didn’t think he succeeded. They wanted to be able to ask Shane questions in a more casual setting. Yes they wanted to get to know him and help him relax a little, but they were also too curious for their own good. Though BBQs weren’t that unusual for the summer, they usually do not happen this early

“Maybe, I am not sure. I am still looking for a place.” Ilya took this as his sign to step in.

“I will add you to team chat. Team will introduce who is who. But you should come will be fun time.” Ilya didn’t want Shane to freak out.

“I will try.” It didn’t sound very convincing. He was going to have to try and convince Shane tomorrow. Hopefully Ilya will be less tired.

Chapter 10: Hurdles

Chapter Summary

Shane gets through some of the hurdles of being on a new team

Chapter Notes

Sorry this chapter is a little short was struggling a bit. Next chapter might take longer I need to research wags and struggle through social interactions that I don’t have experience in. I do know what I want half the chapter to be but thats all I have planned so far.

Shane had wanted to ask what was wrong with Ilya. How was he supposed to ask that when he didn’t know what they were? Also how did they trust him already to run a practice? The constant buzzing in his pocket alerted him to the fact that he had been added to the group chat. He dug it out of his pocket as he walked out to his car.

 

The rest of the guys seemed okay, at least so far. He didn’t know if he trusted himself as he had also thought that of the Voyagers. Luckily though his fears were unfounded. It was mostly a barrage of people stating who was who and general greetings. There were a couple questions but the chat was moving too fast for there to be an expectation of him answering.

 

Shane

Thank you guys, it’s nice to meet you guys

 

He just sent a simple text for now, he didn’t have the energy to deal with the chat after the practice. He had dealt with enough people he didn’t really know, although texting isn’t as bad. Shane had time to think about what to say. There was more room for misunderstandings, but not that much more for Shane. 

 

There was some ribbing for being a polite Canadian and some guys saying how excited they were. He let himself smile, they seemed pretty rowdy but nice. There were worse things they could have said. They didn’t say he was weird or make him feel uncomfortable with their chirps. 

 

He put his phone back in his pocket and started up his car. Shane needed to look at some properties that he narrowed down in his search. It was just rentals for now, he didn’t want to commit to buying until he was able to do more research. He wanted to see what else he wanted to be close to beside their rink. 

 

It was down to three different choices and he was able to tour all of them  tonight-part of the reason they were the final three options. He was leaning towards the penthouse that was relatively close. After touring all three he confirmed his choice of the penthouse and talked about signing a lease. He had his move in date that Monday after the signing of the lease. After the press conference.

 

Shane wasn't looking forward to that. The reporters were bound to pester him about his choice of team. The PR people had pulled him aside yesterday to tell him about how they were screening who would be there, but they had warned him that there would be a lot. Any questions that weren’t about Montréal were sure to be about Ilya. He has a feeling he is going to be repeating himself a lot tomorrow. Media really was the worst thing about having hockey as a job.

 

Therapy that night was okay, they talked about some coping techniques and how to manage stress. Shane didn’t want to take meds. He knew it would probably be best but he was scared. What would people think if they saw him taking it? It wasn’t the medicine itself, but the people around him perception of it. The Bears were great so far, how would they react?

 

He had underestimated the amount of reporters and how much it was going to suck. Sure, signing with the Bears and not the Voyagers was big news in the NHL, but hockey wasn't that popular in the US and Shane didn’t think anything he said would give reporters enough for an article for them to travel for it. They could speculate, but they were already doing that. At least the Bears PR manager was there the entire time. She stood next to him instead of behind the reporters, shutting down any questions that were rude or invasive.

 

The rest of Saturday was spent on getting everything in place for him to move in. He set up everything for Wednesday just in case any issues popped up. It was a little calming being able to get the huge issue of housing under control. He felt more in control of his life, not running blind into an unknown situation.

 

He had picked his team, who were very excited to meet him. While he didn’t quite know his place with them it wasn’t as daunting. The housing situation is now sorted and all the paperwork besides the lease had been dealt with. Reporters were still going to try to figure out more about what caused his move, but they had been addressed. PR had been great at backing him up. The main things now we’re dealing with social media himself, setting up his routine in his new housing and his relationship with Ilya. All of which were problems for a later date.

 

As he was making himself dinner in the Airbnb he checked his phone again.

 

Lily

You coming tomorrow?

 

Fuck the barbecue. He had been avoiding the chat for that reason. Saying no felt rude to the people who obviously chose a place that would make him feel more comfortable. Most of the time the Bears were seen on social media in bars. He also didn’t want to be the center of attention. Staring at his phone, he realized that they probably needed to change contact names too.

 

Shane 

I don’t know

Also we should change contact names 

Someone is going to look over our shoulders and wonder why Jane and Lily are on team chat.

 

Ilya

You should come

All wags and kids will be there

But I like Jane

 

Shane

We won’t be texting all that much anyways since we are in the same city

Being on the same teams means same schedule most of the time

We can still call just no pictures

 

Ilya

But you will miss

*dick pic*

 

Shane

Fuck off

I won’t 

You send them at horrible times

 

Ilya

Really?

You always beg for it

 

Shane 

You’re such an asshole

 

Ilya 

But you like it

 

Shane ignored him after that.The wags being at the barbecue changed things. There were more people, but it also wasn't just a bunch of hockey heads who would pester him. From the few experiences when the voyagers had a gathering with the wags, the wags typically keep their guys from being too much. The kids being there changed the most. There always has to be someone paying attention to them so they don’t get into trouble. Attention that wouldn't be on him. 

 

He did need to get to know his new team. He has met a couple Boston wags at all stars and awards. 

 

Ilya

Shane

Shane

Shane 

Are you ignoring me?

 

Shane

I will come tomorrow 

 

Ilya

I was hoping you would come tonight 😏

But is good you will like it

Team is nice

 

Shane

Goodnight Ilya

 

Chapter 11: BBQ and Breaking news

Chapter Summary

The barbecue and Montréal being stupid

Chapter Notes

Sochi is next year in this, both teams didn’t wait a year to put both of them on the roster so it is summer of 2013 here.

After this chapter I don’t really have any plot points planned but I might skip around in time a bit more.

The turnout was predictably almost everyone. Most even showed up early. Marlow wasn't surprised about that. Most guys didnt care much about the details of Hollzy’s trade but still were curious enough to show up. That and all the wags were desperate to know. Marlow’s girlfriend Cassie was no exception. While he was there partly for supervision, he doubts she would have let him miss the opportunity.

 

He made sure to keep everyone from going overboard and reminding them the Hollzy famously does not like to party. There were beers and other single serve alcohol, but there were no hard bottles of liquor. Families being there caused there to be a lot of non-alcoholic beverages if Hollzy didn’t want to drink.

 

“Are you sure I can’t ask him?” Cassie asked again from where she was leaning against the porch railing.

 

“Roz put it best. Do you really want to bring up the reason Montreal threw him away when he was planning to retire there?” He takes a sip of his beer. 

 

“I guess, but you can’t tell me you aren’t the least bit curious.”

 

“I asked something close during the last practice and he didn’t bring it up. Let him get comfortable with us. Roz is being weird about him and is threatening bag skates if anyone scares him off.”

 

“I understand not wanting to scare off Shane Fucking Hollander, but don’t they hate each other?”

 

“Both say it was media mostly, there was competitiveness but nothing off ice. Hollzy is famous for not having a fight yet. Rozy certainly chirped him but he doesn’t hate him. I see how he treats people he hates, Kent and assholes like him, and it is definitely not hate. I do think there is more we don’t know because there is something.” 

 

“Well now you are making me even more curious.”

 

“Try to be cool about it, you aren’t the one who will suffer if something goes wrong.”

Marlow finishes off his beer. “Do you want me to grab you anything?”

 

“I’m fine.”

 

“I am going to get another beer and then make sure whoever starts grilling is actually someone we can trust with that task.” All he got back was a laugh.

 

---

 

Shane wasn’t sure he could do this. His stomach felt like he was going to throw up. His new teammates had been great so far, he shouldn’t be this nervous. He took deep breathes as he pulled into the driveway of the address he was sent. There were already a ton of cars so he definitely was at the right place. 

 

Why hadn't he used the excuse of settling in to avoid this? It was perfectly valid he had only been here a week. There was still a lot that needed to be worked out. His parents were coming later in the week to help him get settled even.

 

He needed to at least put in the effort he guessed. It wasn’t a club. It wasn’t an enclosed space. There were options if he was feeling overwhelmed. The team was putting in the effort to try to get to know him too. Once he said he would come it was too much to try and back out of it.

 

Shane grabs the fruit he brought and made sure his car was off and locked.

 

“Hey Hollzy! You made it!” Hammersmith met him before he even got close to the house. “I just ran out for plates, I can lead you to the backyard.”

 

“I-Uh brought fruit” Shane berated himself internally. Why couldn’t he sound like a normal person?

 

“Great! Most people are already out back so we are going to start grilling soon.” To his relief Hammersmith completely ignores his awkwardness.

 

Once in the backyard, Shane puts his fruit down on the table with the other food. There are a good amount of adults and kids already chatting and playing. It was a lot, but he wasn't overwhelmed right away. He is really glad this is outside.

 

“This is my wife Sarah. My son Harper is running around here somewhere.” Hammersmith introduces.

 

“Nice to meet you.” Sarah shakes Shane’s hand. “It is going to be weird rooting for you instead of against you.”

 

“Uh-Thanks.” He needs to stop saying uh.

 

“The red coolers have the alcoholic drinks and the blue have the non alcoholic drinks. Don’t be afraid to ask if you need something.” Sarah says, pointing to the coolers.

 

“Sounds good, thanks.” Shane goes over to the blue cooler and grabs a water. He would grab a ginger ale, but the american one has too much sugar. He needed something to occupy his hands.

 

He then gathers the courage to go over and greet St. Simon and his wife. Shane knows that this barbecue is their attempt to get to know him. It is better that he treat it like an awards show and go around saying high to people on his own terms. Continuing to greet everyone, he makes his way through most of the guests.

 

“Hollander! So you did show up after all!” Ilya made his appearance as Shane was talking to Carmichael's wife Sheila. She was surprisingly easy to talk to.

 

“I said I would.” He didn’t know what else to say.

 

He spent most of the rest of the time talking to Sheila, though he did meet everyone else. There were a couple uncomfortable questions, but when he expressed that he didn’t want to answer they dropped it. He was still one of the first to leave as he could only make himself socailize for so long. Three hours was pushing it and he had eaten some fruit and even a plain hamburger. This was too far out of his comfort zone, but he didn’t feel too bad about breaking his diet.

 

Saying goodbye was another thing he struggled with. Who does he say bye to? Just the host? Just one general goodbye? Sometimes he forgets it all together.

 

---

 

HockeyBuff Podcast:

 

John: We don’t normally do an episode at this time, especially on a Monday

 

Paul: But the news is too big to wait.

 

John: Someone anonymously leaked the contract that they offered Hollander.

 

Paul: No wonder they went with the story that they didn’t offer him anything this is an embarrassment

 

John:I am not sure how much we can trust this leak, but no one has denied it.

 

Paul: And Hollanders team acknowledged it, so its not like they haven’t seen it.

 

John: If it was fake wouldn’t they just come out and say so?

 

Paul: If it is real no wonder Hollander switched teams, this is not something you offer to your captain and star center who you want to keep.

 

John: Hollander was waiting until after their playoff run to see if they would win the cup as it would increase the price he was worth.

 

Paul: He led them to a second cup directly after the first one so he was correct to wait.

 

John: But Montreal didn’t want him for some reason. They could have offered him something decent but better than this garbage and gotten some picks for him. This contract would have been a starting offer, but there is a reason they hid it.

 

Paul: There might be other reasons that contributed to them not putting it in as a starting bid.

 

John: Other than the fact that fans would riot because they let their star player walk? Before there was nothing to show which side led to Hollander leaving, this shows it was the Voyagers who dropped the ball

 

Paul: While we have been talking the Voyagers put up a response to the leak. They are trying to pin the blame on Hollander and his team.

 

John: So it is real. Who are they trying to fool? Unless Hollander has some deep secret that makes him a liability you give him whatever he wants.

 

Paul: Agreed. The voyagers also didn’t manage their player’s social media after the move was announced. Most of the team called Hollander a traitor. This is hockey, people get traded or change teams all the time. Choosing a team that wants him doesn’t make him a traitor.

 

John: Even if they think that posting it online is a dumb move.

 

Paul: Oh- Hollander’s team has responded with an audio file.

 

John: Make sure the volume is turned up.

 

---

Paul: Oh

 

John: There might be some riots in Montreal soon.

 

Paul: I-wha-

 

John: I think that is enough for this episode. I think that the audio needs its own episode and we need some time to process it.

 

Paul: Fuck-

 

Chapter 12: Aftermath

Chapter Summary

Ilya worries about Shane

Chapter Notes

Soooo totally did not mean for last chapter to be a cliffhanger. My half asleep mind was like I have no clue what to put as audio and how to format it. Then it went ‘they will know it is the recording for 10 chapters ago’😅

As always, thanks for all the support!

Ilya was proud of Shane staying at the barbecue as long as he did. Ilya was also proud of his team. They were trying their very best to make Shane feel welcome, even when they all came to the realization that he was really awkward off ice. Shane seemed to like talking to the wags more, but he was still fitting in with the others so far. 

 

Ilya wishes he could have spent more time with Shane during the barbecue. If it weren’t for the fact that the team was already weirded out by Ilya’s protectiveness, he would have.

 

He is eating a small dinner while scrolling on his phone when the news drops. Ilya doesn’t hesitate to call Shane. It goes straight to voicemail. Had Shane already seen it? The leak was posted not even 15 minutes ago so there was a chance.

 

When Shane’s team released the audio clip Ilya pressed play with bated breath. It was a recording of the failed contract negotiations. It started out tame, greetings and normal walkthrough of starting negotiations. Then comes the reaction to the contract. He couldn’t tell who was who but he thinks he can identify Yuna Hollander. There is silence before:

 

“Is this a joke?”

 

“While we were prepared for a lowball first offer, that is normal in this industry, this is frankly an insulting offer.”

 

“The pay isn’t even the biggest issue, we weren’t expecting to get his full value even if you have the cap space for it. The fact that there is no mention of a NTC when he has won you back to back cups. There are also no other incentives that would make taking a lower amount worth it. This is not even worth for any captain let alone Shane.”

 

“We are really are appreciative of all you have done for this team, we really do. For the pay, we want to leave space for the future for others that are more fit for the team.”

 

“Does Shane not fit the team that he carried to the playoffs? Are you implying that he is less worthy of money versus future players you don’t have yet? You won two cups with cap space to spare, which not a lot of teams can do and you can’t pay the player who drags you to the playoffs. Who took you from bottom of league to reigning champs?”

 

“We are not saying that, but this is a team sport-“

 

Ilya couldn’t listen anymore that probably wasn’t even the worst of it and they were already trying to devalue Shane. He was going to punch something if he listened to any more of that bullshit.

 

Ilya didn’t have the reputation Shane had and one less cup and his meeting went nothing like this. His agent, now not Russian, had no issues getting a good contract, a very similar contract to the one Shane signed with the Bears. 

 

He took a couple deep breathes, he needed to comfort Shane. He couldn’t yet even call him a friend, but Ilya needs to. Looking back through their texts messages he tries to find if Shane sent the address of his Airbnb, or even the place he was moving into tomorrow.

 

Finding nothing, he goes to check the online reaction and ignores the team chat that is blowing up. People were outraged, apparently the rest only got worse and one of the Voyagers staff were speculated to have almost said a slur but stopped himself. The fact that people went straight to thinking it was a slur says a lot about the rest of the recording.

 

The general reaction he had was said by one post: 

 

Mar @hockeyfan6473

Why don’t they just say because your not white. It would have saved them so much time and they couldn’t have made it any more obvious. They are still fucking stupid bigots either way, might as well own it.

 

Ilya

Fuck them

Address?

You ok?

Call me 

 

It was a little pathetic but English wasn’t something he really had the mental capacity for right now. Twenty minutes of staring at his phone later, Svetlana calls him.

 

“Ilyusha why am I hearing that Shane joined the Bears a week ago and was hate crimed by his old team from the internet? Why am I last to know?”

 

Fuck. He really fucked up. The next hour was spent on the phone explaining after getting chewed out for 20 minutes.

 

He didn’t get much sleep that night, constantly checking his phone for updates. In his boredom he had checked the team chat and was proud to see outrage and support from his team. There was no doubt now, Shane was a Bear and the team was behind him.

 

In the morning he woke up exhausted. It wasn’t a bad day, just the lack of sleep and stress got to him. Checking his phone yielded another hundred texts from the team chat and nothing from Shane, not even read.

 

Ilya tried to not panic as he got ready for practice. Hopefully Shane came, though no one would blame him if he didn’t. Changing teams was already stressful enough without all the extra crap.

 

Silence was not a familiar thing when it came to the bears. Yet, the lack of their new teammate made the air feel heavy. They talked about how messed up the situation was in the locker room, but the drills and practice had none of the jeers and jokes it usually did.

 

After they were done Marly pulled him to the side.

 

“You said you are familiar with Hollzy. You wouldn’t have bothered threatening the team otherwise. Did you know? Is that why you did it?”

 

“No, I knew it was bad. He not leave Montréal for small thing.”

 

“Fuck man, is he okay?”

 

“I don’t know. Not answering.”

 

“If he does make sure he knows we are behind him and have him read the chat.”

 

“Da.”

 

Shane doesn’t call but he does send an address. Ilya is out the door and in his car before he even thinks about it. Driving to it takes 15 minutes and finding parking takes even longer. It’s excruciating even with the short distance. 

 

Shane meets him at the door to the building and silently brings him to the penthouse. It is not that public, but it is still weird that they aren’t sneaking around. Ilya is greeted by the site of a gorgeous penthouse sparsely furnished.

 

Shane immediately drops onto the couch and puts his head in his hands.

 

“Hey” Ilya sits up against him and turns Shane’s head with his hand on Shane’s chin till they are facing each other. Shane’s eyes still don’t meet Ilyas. “They don’t matter anymore.” Shane finally looks at him.

 

“You are Bear now. We aren’t going to let you go. They are stupid and can’t see that you are reason they were good. Without you they suck.” Shane looked like he was going to say something but Ilya drowned whatever he was going to say with a kiss. When Ilya pulled away he smiled softly for a second before grinning.

 

“Come now we suck. We-what you say smash new bed.”

 

“Break in?” Shane had a bit of a watery smile

 

“Yes that!”

 

“Fuck off” Shane smile gets a little bigger before it disappears. “I knew there was a chance that they were going to release that audio. I left early on so I don’t know exactly what was said and don’t want to know.” Shane looks at the floor and wrings his hands. “They were just going to use it to to force them make me a free agent, but then they sat and watched as my teammates ridiculed me. I don’t know who leaked the contract. My team just used the opportunity to make their image even worse.”

 

Ilya used his hand that he had put on Shane’s back while he back to rub circles. This wasn’t as bad as he had feared when Shane didn’t responded to his texts and calls.

 

“Im so tired of all this. I just want to play hockey. I have had so many emergency sessions with my therapist that they are the normal. I know that is her job, but I feel bad bothering her all the time.” Ilya kissed Shane again before drawing him into a hug. 

 

“Whatever happens Bears support you.” He wanted to say I will support you but that was too much. Ilya couldn’t have that. Shane just nodded and leaned more into the hug. They stayed like that till they both fell asleep, neither having gotten a good nights sleep.

Chapter 13: Aftermath

Chapter Notes

Thanks again for all the support!

Going to try to make chapters a little longer but making scenes flow is getting harder.

HockeyBuff Podcast:
John: Welcome back to the HockeyBuff Podcast!

Paul: We cut our last podcast short because of the shocking release of the contract negotiations between the Hollander team and the Voyagers.

John: The news was something we needed to really process before we said something we would have regretted.

Paul: There’s a lot to talk about

John: Let’s start with the fact that I am so grateful this conversation happened in a one party consent area.

Paul: Due to Hollander's team releasing the recording it is very clear that Hollander wanted to stay but had every reason not to.

John: I am with who I am assuming is his agent they should have just said they weren’t interested in resigning him.

Paul: I think they did want to sign him, they just didn’t think he deserved more than they offered.

John: They certainly didn’t think very highly of him. They were down playing his accomplishments when he was their best player by a large margin.

Paul: Like we said previously, the rest aren’t bad players. They just aren’t great players. What got them their cups was their strategy and teamwork that helped Hollander bring them two cups.

John: There might be an argument for their goal tender being above average, but it helps when the puck isn’t on your side most of the game.

Paul: These last two years Hollander was on the ice almost double anyone else on the team.

John: He set up others or scored himself a majority of their goals, but sure he didn’t carry you to two cups.

Paul: On top of that they didn’t even try to hide the fact that they mostly view him as a diversity hire who should be grateful they even drafted him.

John: Hockey is by no means a very progressive sport, but thinking that arguably the best player that he should be grateful to even be chosen? After he has proven his skill and made you into back to back cup winners when you didn’t make the playoffs before you drafted him?

Paul: It’s insane to put it mildly, especially since if the Voyagers hadn’t drafted him other teams definitely would have. If no one else his hometown team would have taken him in a heartbeat.

John: They ran him straight into the hands of their top division rivals and may have screwed over the entire league. While he did move to his direct rivals, wanting the downfall of the Voyagers will probably be a bonding point with the Bears.

Paul: Fuck, if I was Hollander I would have joined the Bears too. They actually had cap space due to luckily timed retirements and now are most likely to win the cup next year.

John: If Rozanov can play nice with him.

Paul: Which it looks like he can according to his social media post that was already bragging about their next cup win.

John: Fuck Montréal! They should have given him everything he asked for, instead Boston has a dynasty in the making.

Paul: Instead they now have to hire bodyguards for Voyagers staff, all of the players calling Hollander a traitor are getting death threats, and there have been multiple arson attempts on the stadium.

John: That's not even taking into account all the fans who have sworn off ever going to another game and aren’t renewing season tickets.

Paul: Hollander’s jerseys sold better than all the other Voyagers combined, they are going to struggle greatly financially.

John: A lot of people are calling for the team to be sold and the management gutted.

Paul: They certainly need to do something because they are a sinking ship.

 

Shane wakes up to find Ilya gone and Shane is in his bed alone. It had been his best sleep in a while. Did Ilya leave after carrying Shane to bed? How did Shane sleep through that? Did Ilya leave?

Before finding out any of that Shane needs to get clean. Being in the same clothes as yesterday felt gross and he also didn’t brush his teeth before falling asleep on Ilya. He couldn't believe Ilya was comforting him and he fell asleep!

He shook his head, it wasn’t something he could change and right now he needed a shower. Shane needed to focus on now, like his therapist told him to. Starting a shower, Shane focuses on getting clean.

Once he was done he felt a lot better. Anxiety was still the primary feeling but at least he didn’t need to stress about how he was so gross.

“Focus on solving the stressors you can fix.” It is mumbled under his breathe, another advice given to him by his therapist.

He gets dressed and is surprised to find Ilya downstairs with a Dunkin’ bag on the kitchen counter.

“You didn’t have food so I got order from smoothie place for you. It is sitting in the fridge. I got myself some real food at Dunkin’.” Ilya explained as he sipped on his coffee at the breakfast bar.

“Dunkin’ is not real food.” A week ago Shane wouldn’t know what that was but he did research on the food around Boston before he got here. Shane grabbed the smoothie and started to sip on it as he leaned against the counter.

“Is, you just eat bird food!” Ilya protested.

“Fuck you!” There was no bite in it.

“You need to ask nicely.” Ilya’s tone was teasing. Shane decided not to respond and finished his smoothie.

“Thank you.” Shane said after a bit of an awkward silence. Before Ilya could respond his phone dinged.

“Need to go Svetlana needs me to pick up from the airport.” Ilya started getting ready after reading the text. “I forgot that landed today.”

“See you tomorrow I guess.”

Already half way out the door, Ilya responded with a simple “da.”

Shane had met Svetlana at an award event and couldn’t help the stab of jealousy he felt. He ignored it for now, they weren’t anything there was nothing to be jealous of. Shane wasn’t even sure that they should continue what they were right now. His thoughts spiraled before he was able to pull himself together.

Eventually he was able to focus on making a list of all the things he still needed. Now that he had almost all of his things in his place there were obvious things he needed. His parents were bring some things but he definitely at least needed to go grocery shopping.

While he was planning Hayden called him.

“Hey Hayden.”

“Shane, I called you a few times I was getting worried. Shane looked at his phone to see multiple missed calls.

“Sorry I just woke up not too long ago and hadn’t looked at my phone yet.”

“It’s fine, are you doing okay?”

“Not really.” Shane didn’t elaborate.

“That recording is fucked up man. You didn’t say anything about them devaluing your accomplishments.”

“I left early on and decided not to listen to the audio.”

“That’s probably for the best. It’s bad. Anyway besides checking in with you I wanted to tell you something.”

“What?”

“Im requesting a trade.” Shane wasn’t sure he heard right. Hayden kept going. “I was already thinking about it when those assholes called you a traitor but the audio was the final straw. It won’t be easy to move with twin infants but I would rather move before they are in school.”

“You don’t have to move because of me.”

“This is not your fault. I need to leave before I punch someone and it isn’t good to hit your teammate. I might only have ten teams that I can blacklist, but I don’t care too much. Honestly my first choice is Ottawa. With you in Boston no one else is going to win the cup anyways and we will be able to see each other in the summer.”

“The Centaurs?”

“Yeah, it would also be the easiest to move to.”

“If that’s what you want.” Shane had them at last resort in his preferred teams but having them as best choice was crazy to him. “I heard they might have new management soon when I was looking around. Hopefully they do because anything is better than what they have now.”

“We weren’t going to win much without you anyways. I would rather go with a franchise that isn't toxic. Ottawa may suck but at least it won’t expect me to win and the fans are used to them sucking.”

“You really thought about this.”

“Jackie and I debated it for a while, she didn’t want me to stay with the Voyagers either. If they don’t trade me right away I only have one more year with them.”

“Hopefully they do and you go somewhere not horrible. I got really lucky.”

“Hopefully; I got to go I need to help Jackie with the twins. By the way Jackie expects a call soon okay? And make sure to keep us updated.”

“I will.”

“Talk to you later.”

“Bye.”

Despite not leaving the house, Shane’s social battery had reached its limit. It was usually longer but he was too mentally exhausted right now to even think about talking to another person. Hayden didn’t usually drain it either, lately everything is too much. He’s glad Hayden is trying to do what’s best for him though.

Sighing, Shane finishes ordering groceries to be delivered. Grocery shopping may be possible now that he isn’t in hockey obsessed Canada but that wasn’t something he was going to do until he was settled.

Hopefully soon there wouldn’t be anything that would be an emotional bombshell. The only reason he hadn’t had a panic attack was because of his therapist. He almost had one yesterday.

Fuck Montréal. While he still didn’t truly believe he hadn’t done something wrong, he knew Montréal were bigots and in the wrong. Either way, overhauling his entire life really sucked.

Chapter 14: Settling In

Chapter Notes

I meant to write more actual scenes rather than inner monologues, yeah that didn’t happen.

Sorry for the late update I traveled and didn’t have Wi-Fi or the best cell reception, when I did have Wi-Fi I needed to do my college work.

Thanks again for all the support! I really appreciate it.

Svetlana wanted to ask about the guy but knew not to push it. She may be able to get what she knows is best for Ilya through to him but pushing too fast isn't the way. Also she needs to choose her battles wisely. Part of her strategy was only really pushing on things that needed to happen, Ilya knew that. She was actually surprised she managed to have the previous talk with him without Ilya shutting down.

She wasn’t too worried as he seemed to be in a good mood so she let it be for now. If anything changed she will try to point him in the right direction but right now he was doing okay.

 

Ilya was grateful for the excuse to get away. He loved spending time with Shane but it was getting too real. He needed to decide what to do about them. Starting any conversation about it wasn’t an option. There wasn’t a whole lot going on right now but he needs to decide to break it off or be reckless and continue trying to be something.

He knows that he doesn’t deserve Shane. But Shane also deemed Ilya safe enough to be able to break into tears in his arms when Shane struggles with sharing his emotions most of the time. Ilya was selfish and kind of wanted whatever he could get. Sleeping with others was already losing appeal to him. This could be something. For now it was better to ignore all thoughts and keep things how they were. Shane mentioned talking about it anyways, if he didn’t want them anymore he would say so then.

 

It was a week after the leak when Shane started to feel better. He had a place, a weekly grocery delivery order placed, a semi-regular practice schedule, and was getting better at talking with the Bears. His therapist had coordinated with the team doctor and had set him up with a prescription for anxiety meds that he should take every morning. It was too soon to see if they did anything as they needed to be in his system for two weeks before they started working. It just added something to his morning routine and since he was getting his own room on road trips he didn’t need to worry about others knowing. He still wasn’t fully okay with them but his parents wanted him to at least give them a try.

Therapy itself helped a little but not too much. He already had his own coping methods from before therapy but it helped make his past actions less stressful. They had touched on his diet being one of his coping mechanisms but he wasn’t ready to let up on his diet right now. He needed to be in top form to make sure this team values him. She did get a promise of a once a month cheat day out of him though. One day out of 30-31 days couldn’t hurt too much and she said to start small, he didn’t need to go straight to eating pizza and ice cream and Oreos. It just needs to be something he wants even if it is just a side of fries or adding more meat. His diet had already had some meat as he couldn’t perform well as an athlete without protein and there was only so much of the grittiness of protein powder he could take. As much as he was proud of the ways he was able to hide the texture he didn’t always have the time or the energy.

As far as the Voyager situation went, he ignored it as much as possible. It was nice not having anyone ask what happened or having to try to explain it. The Bears had taken it in stride, if anything they seemed more determined to try to get to know him. It was weird having anyone but Hayden put in so much work to try to befriend him and here was most of a team trying their best. They were loud and brash but they didn’t look down on him for not drinking or his diet. He had gone to another hangout with a smaller group at someone’s house to play video games and found himself actually enjoying it for once. The Bears weren’t offended when he didn’t contribute to a conversation but also didn’t make him feel excluded.

His mom and agent were still on a war path and he just let them be. There was talk of a lawsuit but they decided that tarnishing the Voyagers reputation was better than just getting paid off. They were pretty happy with the media ripping the organization apart and made sure to dig up as much dirt on anyone involved as possible and leaked it anonymously.

Training camps started soon and he was excited for them just as much as he was dreading them. The goalie had come to a practice and had asked Shane for advice. Shane, embarrassingly enough, immediately went into a detailed analysis of his strengths and weaknesses. Luckily that seemed to be just what he was looking for and everyone else thought it was cool and not freaky. It had led to most of the practice being Shane telling people their weaknesses and how to fix them but he felt more comfortable being himself after that. Now that the wonder of him joining the team had worn off a little, there weren’t that many Bears who showed up to every practice but there were still a good amount that went once or twice a week.

Coach LeClaire had been to multiple of the practices to watch and was always signing him and Ilya praises. He didn’t give any instructions as it wasn’t training camp yet but seemed excited that they were testing everything without any egos getting in the way.

Overall he was a lot less stressed than the week before. Life was still stressful and he didn’t feel like he was home yet, but it was better then he had been expecting. He agreed that once a week with his therapist was good for where he was at, and they were aiming for it to be eventually once a month. The frequency was fine over the summer since there wasn’t anywhere he had to be besides a couple sponsor photo shoots. During the season, even with the meetings being over the phone or video call it would be hard to schedule an appointment more than once a month.

Shane still needed to define his relationship with Ilya but that was hard to do when he didn't know himself what he wanted them to be. He was so fucking scared of people finding out. The voyagers proved that people already judged him for not being white he didn’t need to also be judged for liking men. Shane was lucky that this whole incident was almost unanimously decided to be the Voyagers fault. A team dropping him again? People were going to ask questions. On the other hand he wanted Ilya.

They absolutely can’t hook up on road-trips anymore. It was stupid doing hotel hookups where the people around them could hear them. Now they would be surrounded by people who knew them both.

 

Cliff was excited for the new season. Having the two top centers on one team will do that. Hollander was awkward but Cliff could tell that we was warming up to the team. Hollzy seemed unused to people actually trying to get to know him in a way that wasn’t too much for him. The Voyagers clearly didn’t put any thought into it because it wasn’t that hard. They still offered him an invite when they went to the bar, but didn’t expect him to come and if he did didn’t expect him to drink. Clearly between this fact and the tweets, most of the Voyagers were pieces of shit. He had been their captain for fucks sake. He also was unexpectedly sassy. He wasn’t comfortable enough for it to be really clear but every once in a while his humor showed through. It was subtle as his delivery was deadpan but really funny if you got it.

Rozy an Hollzy together were amazing. It was the things dreams were made of. In a way Cliff was glad the Voyagers fucked up. Hollzy was getting a team that actually liked and wanted him and the Bears got the starting of duo who were going to terrorize goalies across the league. It sucked that Hollzy had to go through that, he shouldn’t have gone through that. GMs fuckng up happened all the time in the NHL, stupid trades happened way more than they should. But racism is more personal than stupidity and it usually didn’t happen with the face for a franchise.

Hollzy had only signed for three years. They needed to make sure he knew that choosing them wasn’t a mistake. Convince him that while the Voyagers hadn’t valued him the Bears would love if he spent the rest of his career with them. If they could do that they could have the start of a dynasty. Not only was he a good player he was also a nice person, especially for someone with his talent. Something that was overlooked though, was his hockey IQ. People knew it was high but in person, it was better than anyone’s imagination. Roz may be on the same level as Hollzy but Hollzy’s hockey IQ was the reason he had more cup wins.

The Voyagers were really fucking stupid.

Chapter 15: Talking

Chapter Summary

Shane starts a conversation about their relationship.

Chapter Notes

Little bit of ooc but I think I am getting a little better at writing Ilya.

Had my finals and turning in everything for my classes so wasn't able to get a lot done on this until today, but I do aim for a chapter per 4-5 days.

I have never been more unsure of an ending to a chapter, so I might edit this in the future.

Thank you all again for all the support!

Hockeybuff Podcast

 

Paul: We are here just before the rookie camps to talk about the Voyagers finally firing their GM. 

 

John: It is way too late for that it has been almost two weeks since the recording got leaked and they're just now firing people?

 

Paul: They are trying to back track after angry fans have been harassing and threatening their safety.

 

John: I think they wanted to see if it would blow over but this isn’t something that people just forget about.

 

Paul: The NHL might be one of the worst if not the worst North American leagues for minority inclusion, but no one is going to forget this anytime soon.

 

John: They might have been right if it was anyone besides Shane Hollander. There was no real other reason for this decision besides racism. With others, without the recording of course, there is something that they lack that some people could latch on to. 

 

Paul: I thought it was a stupid move right from the start, even without the recording. I just thought that those in charge were stupid or were high or had CTE or something. GMs do make stupid moves for no reason. This one was just the worst decision they could have ever made. 

 

John: People were calling for the GM to retire or get fired as soon as Hollander became a free agent.

 

Paul: We have yet to see how Hollander works with Rozanov but people are supporting his decision to go to Bears just because it was in his best interest.

 

John: Of course now there are non Bear fans who are pissed. While none of the public practices have shown Hollander and Rozanov interacting, they have shown they can be in proximity with no issues. It is enough that people are really scared that Montréal just created a monster.

 

Paul: They are probably concealing things for now as everyone now has to prepare themselves very thoroughly if they are going up against the Bears. There are some who think that it is because they can’t get along, there is nothing to suggest that. 

 

John: Actually there is proof of the opposite, the Bears have been taking Hollander for outings and Rozanov is a part of that.

 

Paul: Again, they don’t really interact with each other in public eye.

 

John: Alright let’s get back on topic of the Voyagers. They are definitely going to have to sell.

 

Paul: Yeah if they thought firing one guy makes everything better and will build up their reputation they are deluding themselves. Their inaction coupled with the players' horrible posts about Hollander leaving when there is proof that Montréal didn’t want him shows just how rotten their organization is. 

 

John: Obviously not everyone, just because some are surrounded by horrible people doesn’t mean they are too.

 

Paul: A good example being Pike who asked to be traded shortly after the audio leaked.

 

John: He was so desperate to leave he didn’t have Ottawa on his list of banned teams.

 

Paul: He may just not want to move too far away; he has a family after all. But getting traded to a team who is known for how bad they are isnt exactly what a player wants with their career. 

 

John: There is some talk that they will make some changes to management and maybe coaching. There haven’t been any moves yet but they have been contacting people as if they were going to soon.

 

Paul: We will talk about that if it happens. This is it for us, see you next time.

 

It had been over a month since Shane had signed with the Bears and it was so different from the Voyagers. He was hesitant to say it was better, but it was. Most of the team that he had met so far were really accepting of all of his quirks. They didn’t make a big deal about it and was fine with Shane doing and eating what he was comfortable with. They were disappointed if he wasn’t coming to things but they didn’t push. They seemed excited just to have him on the team.

 

Another change was the team not expecting him to carry the team. Ilya had told him before but it became clearer with the Bears. Part of it was he was no longer Captain. That alone took a huge pressure off of him. He still contributed to talks of strategy and drills but felt better that he didn’t need to do speeches and such anymore. It also had to do with Ilya being on the team. Not being the only star on the team mad it so the team didn’t need to rely on him. Lastly the other players made sure to give their best too, not just feed him the puck and hope he scores.

 

Shane hadn’t gotten to talk with Ilya all that much. Coach wanted their line up to be a question mark for the rest of the league. Most of their practices were closed. For some reason his secrecy included even talking to each other where people could see. Shane didn’t fully get it but wasn't going to argue with his coach who he hadn’t had a formal practice with. Training camp was just about to start and he didn’t want to question his decisions. Outside of practice there was just never time or reason to go to each other's places, so the had just exchanged texts.

 

Shane had texted Ilya earlier to see if he could come over that night. There hadn’t been practice today, Shane’s parents had gone back to Canada, and Shane had finally gotten most things settled caused by moving countries. The great thing about Boston was there weren’t mobs of fans who would track their every move, so they didn’t have to really explain their movements. Shane had been asked a couple times for his autograph but he doesn’t think anyone really paid that much attention to where he went. It was nice to be able to do things. He didn’t go out that much due to his anxiety, but it was easier and not as daunting. He thinks his meds are helping but he isn’t positive just yet.

 

Ilya

Be there soon.

 

Ilya hadn’t taken long to reply and was at Shane’s door shortly after.  

 

“Did you want anything to drink?” Shane didn’t really know what to do with himself. He didn’t have people over even in Montréal. Time spent with Hayden was mostly spent at Hayden’s.

 

“You are so boring, that is what you start with?”

 

“Alright asshole, I haven’t had many people come over. Most people don’t bring a new person home every night. Also the Voyagers probably wouldn’t have wanted to come over anyways.” That successfully killed the teasing mood.

 

“Fuck them, is simple greeting me.” Ilya says before he pulls Shane into a kiss. “You just need to ask nicely. Please can I have your dick?

 

“Fuck off, thats not why I asked you to come over.” Shane’s face is on fire, but he doesn’t push Ilya away.

 

“We do later. We fuck now.” Shane was going to say this wasn't the time but it was hard to do when Ilya was kissing him like this and his fingers wandering into Shane’s pants. Shane allows himself to be distracted and they barely make it to the bedroom.

 

It was later when they were lying in bed together when Shane brought up the real reason he called Ilya over.

 

“We need to talk about us.” Shane watched as something passed over Ilya's face. “I really hadn’t been in a place to make decisions about this until now. I am still unsure. But we do need to talk about this. If we continue this it needs to be something more or nothing at all.”

 

“We can’t be something more.”

 

“That isn’t you saying you don’t want more.”

 

“But Russia.” Ilya didn’t know what to say. It was weird having Shane being the confident one.

 

“What about Russia?”

 

“I won’t be able to go back, being gay is big bad.”

 

“Oh, would you want to if we could?”

 

“I-“ Ilya paused. 

 

“Can we just stay here for now? You don’t need to decide now but if you can’t offer more than I need to know. I can’t watch you take home someone else and continue on like we have. I haven’t really decided myself what I mean by more. But, if nothing else, I want to at least be friends.”

“Da, I can stay.”

 

Ilya pulled Shane closer without saying anything else. They stayed like that till they fell asleep.

Chapter 16: Clarification

Chapter Notes

Sorry for late upload, had to travel for a graduation and had little motivation to write (not from lack of support). Once I got the motivation, how to continue was hard with keeping the characters in character. I think my lack of relationships isn't helping me write these emotional scenes and how to navigate the scene after the fact.

There might be some weird cutting of perspectives but I got what I wanted to get across down.

Next chapter is either preseason or the start of the season!

There was leading factors to Ilyas recklessness for what he was about to do. One of those factors was the feeling of seeing Shane’s recent ad that featured no shirt and kiss marks in lipstick all over his torso. The thought of someone kissing Shane like that sent Ilyas brain into a place that it had never been before. It wasn’t a good place. The next factor was both his father and brother calling to demand more money because they already blew through what he sent for the month the night before. Even with his declining health his father didn’t forget who to call when funds dried up. As much as Ilya felt bad for not being there to take care of his father it was reinforcing that Russia wasnt a place he felt comfortable with. He still sent more money.

 

The last factor was Ilyas own selfishness. With Shane showing an interest, Ilya couldn’t bring himself to deny him something more. Ilya didn’t deserve Shane, it was just the way it was. Turning away something Ilya wanted more than he could admit when it was being offered to him wasnt something to pass up. 

 

It was after the last practice before their first preseason game when the ad came out and Ilya invited himself over to Shane’s. They didn’t make it past the door before Ilya smashed their lips together.

 

“No one should kiss you but me.” Ilya declared after they broke apart. 

 

“You kiss other people all the time.”

 

“I will stop.” Ilya is quick to assure. 

 

“Really?” Shane’s voice was a little breathless in a way that wasnt from the kiss they just shared. He sounded almost excited.

 

“Da.” They share another long kiss before Shane pulls away.

 

“I made a plan for if we did decide to do this. Once coach says we can, we should publicly start being seen together. Maybe not by ourselves for a while, mostly with other guys but in smaller groups. We still need to be careful in the locker room but we have been pretty good with calling each other by our last names and I think I should be fine. It helps that hockey is my job and I am in a mindset when we are at the rink with the team that I don’t have at any other time.”

 

“Shane,” Ilya stops Shane’s ramble. “I am very, how do say, handsy with team. They will not notice if I am like that with you as well. Also team are stupid hockey players who have taken too many pucks to head. If they see something they will explain it away. Even if they don’t, they good guys they will not care.”

 

“Are you sure?”

 

“Yes if not I will make sure they say nothing. They already know no slurs in room.”

 

“I really fucking hope so.”

 

---

 

Shane felt calmer than he had in years. He doesn’t know if it is the medicine or the change in environment that is proving to be better than Montreal. It is wierd. There is still anxiety, he doesn’t think it will ever go away completely.  But the anxiety is a level that doesn’t cause him to stress out over everything. There are still triggers for it and he feels it more than he doesn’t, but it was such a difference. 

 

The fact that he and Ilya were exclusive now probably helped his anxiety. They still hadn’t put a name on what they were, but they had time to figure that out now that they were on the same team. 

 

By the first preseason game Shane had let up on his diet a bit. The Bears dietician had coordinated with his therapist (with assurance that he couldn’t and wouldn’t reveal the fact that he had a therapist). He had come up with an altered diet plan that still appeased his anxiety of keeping his body in the best shape possible and be happier eating it. The happiness factor of food hadn’t really occurred to Shane. He had been fine with his diet before but he can’t say he ever got excited to eat food. 

 

He had really been working on it specifically the most. They had said that while it was just his need for control over his life now, it was leading him to have a bad relationship with food. There was no guarantee that he could keep it from turning into an eating disorder. He had enough wrong with him to add an eating disorder to the things people will judge him for. The Voyagers had judged him enough for just his diet, he can’t imagine what they would think if they thought or knew he had an eating disorder. 

 

Things were definitely getting better overall though. Shane was now thinking being on the Bears was definitely better for him. The move and reason for it was stressful, but the result was starting to feel better than resigning with the voyagers. While he was further from his parents, they weren’t too far away. His team was more accepting of Shane and all his quirks. The person he was interested in was in the same city and exclusive with him without him freaking out over it. 

 

He still had anxiety and fear of being outed but it was a little less and he was better able to manage it. He had been dropping hints with his therapist about his sexuality but didn’t feel like he could just say it. The coping mechanisms she suggested also helped with the fear of it. Hockey was still too important for him to lose. His therapist had started working on making him feel confident enough that he doesn’t need hockey to get people to like him. Given, he still loved the sport and didn't want to stop but he was working on the fact that his life wouldn’t be over without it.

 

Even if he wasn’t outed there was always the chance of injury and he needed to not fall apart if something happened. It was normal for him to think that he wouldn’t know what to do with himself and really fucking miss it, but he felt that he would feel like his life was over without hockey.

 

---

 

Svetlana was happy to see Ilya was happier than the last time she saw him. She managed to get out of him before he shut down any questions that things were a little more serious with Jane. From what she understood Ilya hadn’t quite given up on Russia yet but at least thought it was worth the risk. She is glad he wasn’t letting Russia hold him back from being happy. 

 

She would continue to support him even if he was being vague about the details of his relationship, it wasn't just his secret after all. With the green card and being a permanent resident he had a layer of protection from Russia and it wouldn’t be too much longer till he could become a US citizen. She is positive the Bears would support and fight for him to stay. He had a lot of support and options if he did get outed. She could wait till Ilya could be with Jane publicly to get to know the details as long as Jane continued to put that smile on Ilya’s face.

 

---

 

LeClaire was well aware of his team's mission to try to convince Hollander to stay. He would keep an eye on it to make sure they weren’t going too far with anything but otherwise was perfectly content to let his team do what they pleased. LeClaire also wanted Hollander to stay with the Bears. If he had his way both Rozanov and Hollander would retire as bears. But it was also understandable that Hollander was a little wary of signing a team long term in fear they would be like the Voyagers. They just needed to make sure he knew he was valued. 

 

Hollander’s advice to his teammates about their weaknesses was unexpected but welcome. Most of what he said was stuff that they had gone over before but the guys seemed to take it more seriously when the criticism came from Hollander. The way he worked with Roz was a dream. They couldn’t be on the same line most of the time, but the power play will be amazing. He could always switch the lines up if needed, it was normal with the Bears getting into fights anyways.

 

LeClaire had never felt more confident about a season and it hadn’t even started yet! 

 

 

Chapter 17: First Game

Chapter Notes

Sorry for the late upload had a really bad depressive episode, but I am better now.

Thanks for all the support and for those who appreciate my other work (Idk how but my other work got 100 kudos in one day before going back down to 5 a day)

Hockeybuff Podcast

Paul: Welcome back to Hockeybuff!

John: We are starting out with the Voyagers have been sold after some fans actually succeeded in setting one of management's houses on fire. This in addition to the regular violence and threats that have been directed their way was enough to get them to relent.

Paul: The owners should have fired everyone involved immediately and they would have kept their franchise. Fans would be pissed, but they would blame those who were fired.

John: It took them longer to sell than they thought because they didn’t seem to understand that the Voyagers are a crumbling franchise that will have to be rebuilt. They seem to be stuck in the past when they were cup winners.

Paul: After they passed on their star center, Pike asked to be traded, and the whole scandal most didn’t want to be associated with that even if they are on clean up duty.

John: They were selling before training camps with barely enough time to replace management before the roster gets finalized.

Paul: I will say the guy who bought it really took no time cleaning house. Two of the most outspoken Voyagers calling Hollander a traitor for not allowing himself to be disrespected were put on waivers immediately.

John: They have not been picked up. I don’t think any team will. Why would you pick up someone who turns their back on their captain after he carried you to two cups? Even without the Voyagers being racist, hockey is a game where players change teams often. It does not make Hollander a traitor if he did leave the Voyagers for his own reasons.

Paul: Speaking of Hollander, we saw him play the preseason while Rozanov was absent.

John: He showed that he is just as adaptable as he was with the Voyagers. It didn’t matter who his wings were, he matched his play style to them.

Paul: Not to say he perfectly fit in every line, but you wouldn’t figure out this is his first year on this team just by watching those games.

John: It makes you wonder what they are hiding by keeping Rozanov off the ice.

Paul: Time will tell whether it is hostility or a horror for the rest of the league.

 

By the time preseason ended and the team roster was finalized Shane was feeling good about the Bears. While not everyone got along with him, those who didn’t also weren’t hostile. He was fine with some players not talking to him, the amount who did still overwhelmed him.

Shane felt okay with how he played in preseason, it wasn't his best. He hoped when they finalized the primary line he would be on he would be better. He is very nervous about his first season game as a Bear. The fans at the preseason games seemed to be okay with him, but he also blocked everything out besides playing hockey.

He had actually gone online to check people’s reactions before the first preseason game. There were a lot of angry Montréal fans. Most weren’t mad at him but there was a good amount that called him a traitor for choosing the Bears. They understood why he left but joining their rival was apparently a sin they couldn’t forgive. An opinion that was shared with his ex-teammates. It wasn’t a whole lot of fans but they were definitely loud about it.

He had talked to his mom about maybe making a statement to the fans about not wanting them to hurt others over him, but she told him that very little will change if he does so. While it might discourage some it might also encourage some fans as he is too good of a person and that they needed to make sure the Voyagers management pay for what they did to Shane.

 

Ilya was excited for their first game, and his pregame speech reflects that. Not only is he looking forward to his first game playing with Shane, after it ends they can start working on being seen as friends in public. While they won’t be able to hold hands, it will give them a cover and people will explain away most things that will come across as gay.

“Let’s go out there and show how badly Montréal fucked over the rest of league!”

There is a mix of cheering and ‘yeahs’ in response. He sees Shane just shake his head at them. Ilya is happy he is able to be so relaxed before a game.

As they skate out onto the ice for warmups TD Gardens is buzzing with noise from the fans. Ilya can see a lot of welcome Hollander signs. There are a few non supportive ones, but they are going against New Jersey so there aren't any traitor signs. The Jersey team fans are used to their team losing so they aren’t that aggressive of a fan base towards most teams.

Warm ups are fine but Ilya does feel like there are a lot of fans staring at him and Shane. One thing Ilya is not looking forward to doing is the after game press.

Ilya’s line comes out first to meet the other team for the puck drop. Marly grins as he gets into position on Ilya’s right.

“So you two couldn’t get over your rivalry after all.” The opposing center wastes no time.

“Yeah, they make every single fucking thing a competition.” Marly cuts in before Ilya can respond. The opposing center snorts.

“They bicker like an old married couple.” Connors adds.

“Lies and slander!” Ilya jokes before they crouch and get into position.

Shan scores the first goal on his second shift and the arena erupts as Shane gets mobbed by the Bears. Ilya can see that Shane isn't fully comfortable with it and makes a note to ask him about if it is too much for him in private later.

Ilya makes sure to goad someone into giving the Bears a penalty play in the second period. Seeing the blood drain out of the other team's faces as Ilya lines up as Shane's right wing is worth the busted lip. Unfortunately the other team seems to make the decision that once is enough as New Jersey plays a clean rest of the game and ignores his chirping.

The game ends 6-2 with Shane scoring a hat trick so it is not like they needed another power play. Ilya had gotten two goals with one that ended the power play after not even a minute.

“Great game but we need to step it up next game, I want to make at least one team cry this season!” Ilya says after the game just to annoy Shane.

“We are not making it a goal to make a team cry!” Shane protests.

“We will see, now come they want to ask us stupid questions.” Ilya wasn't going to let it go.

The press was just as intense as he thought it would be. Almost every question was about him and Shane specifically, the rest of the team didn’t seem to matter to them at all. Ilya would like to think that he could have been a lot ruder to them even if the pr person isn't happy with him after. He wants it to be known that the reporter was asking for it and was lucky Ilya didn’t punch him. Shane, like usual, answers in his boring way,

The team was waiting for them after they are ready to leave.

“Come on Holzy you don’t need to drink, just celebrate with us for a bit.” Marlow immediately bugs Shane.

“Fine, but not for too long.” The team must have really made him feel comfortable if he agreed that easily. He is proud of them.

Chapter 18: Racism

Chapter Summary

Warning racism is a large theme in this chapter.

Chapter Notes

Sorry about the wait ideas were there motivation to write was not there.

I am a white person writing about things I haven’t experienced, please be kind.

Again thank you for the support. Here is a blurb I can’t fit in the story as an apology:

The Bears: we need to lock him down

Ilya:Got it, I will propose

The Bears:Thats not- Ilya!? You have rings already?

Hockeybuff 

 

John: Shane Hollander really can’t catch a break, can he?

 

Paul: What idiot thinks that they can get away with calling him racial slur not even 30 seconds into the game when he has the raiders on his side? Also saying that he should be grateful to even be on the ice? Does he not know that Hollander is one of if not the best player in the league?

 

John: Especially after the backlash that the Voyagers faced, does he want his house burnt down?

 

Paul: Well it isn’t quite that serious, they were mostly mad over the fact that Hollander didn’t stay with Montréal.

 

John: Yeah but now you are angering Boston fans on top of Montréal fans. Uniting those two fan bases takes a special kind of stupid. 

 

Paul: I really don’t know what was going through their head. 

 

John: I am guessing nothing, the concussion the Raiders gave him, probably knocked out whatever brain cells he had left. He is probably used to getting away with it. 

 

Paul: He started a league wide call for more accountability for slurs.

 

John: I am not sure that is going to happen right now, the NHL didn’t even fine him for calling another player a slur and even fined the people who punched him for it.

 

Paul: They are going to need to do something because with all that has happened people want consequences for racism.

 

John: People are focusing more on the league as a whole since the Voyagers made JJ captain and compensated Hollander for the discrimination he experienced even though it was the previous owners and management who were at fault.

 

Paul: They have also shared some of their progress of their investigation and has lead to two arrests already for theft of funds and illegal betting.

 

John: The new owners are really cleaning up. Their apology statement to Hollander also said that they know they won’t make a profit right away as many sponsors and season ticket holders backed out but are trying to make a team to be proud of.

 

---

 

“You can’t punch everyone who calls me a slur!” Shane doesn’t quite yell when they get back to the hotel. They were in Shane’s room.

 

“Why not?” Ilya’s accent was thick.

 

“I can take care of myself I don’t need you to fight my battles. Besides if you do you will be in the penalty box all season.”

 

“Then team will take turns.” This wasn’t something that Ilya was backing down from. 

 

“I told you it is fine. There is no need for you guys to get fined.”

 

“We will be fine, we makes lots of money.”

 

“Ilya, I know what I was getting into when I joined the NHL. My first day I was called a diversity hire and a comment was made about my mom. I listened to the casual racism and misogyny in the locker room. I have read the articles that bring up my race when talking about my hockey IQ. I have heard so many different racial slurs thrown at JJ and I. There have been comments about my mom, my eyes, and anything else you can think of. My mom had to have a talk to my coach when I was young about the other kids' comments. I am used to it, I expected it even.”

 

“That is..” Ilya paused before saying a bunch of Russian curses.

 

“It isn’t fair or right or whatever you wanted to say, but that is hockey culture. Hayden wanted to fight them too but punching them doesn’t fix the issue. And if I did it myself they would use how violent I am to explain why I shouldn’t be in the league. I don’t like fighting so it is not like I don’t fight for that reason. If we mention it to higher ups suddenly we are so dramatic and it’s just locker room talk.”

 

“Shane, you are on the Bears now and we protect our own.”

 

“I don’t want to be protected! People already call me soft without me always being the victim. I just want to play. If the leak hadn’t happened I wouldn’t have said anything about why I didn’t resign with Montreal. I don’t want to start a culture shift, I want to play the sport I love. I know other minority athletes are sharing their experiences too, I saw the posts. I want people to know me as the best hockey player in this generation, not the Asian hockey player who was a victim of racism. We barely get drafted as it is, they don’t need more reasons not to.”

 

“You will be known as best player.” Ilya stated. “But I think you are a reason for more Asian players to get picked. More will see no more racism and want to join. Also others are making plans on what to do to next asshole.”

 

“They shouldn’t. Fuck, I need to call my therapist. Things were finally starting to be good. People were just starting to focus on other things rather than my move and now they are talking about me even more. I told you I just want to play hockey, I don’t want this!” Shane was finding it harder to breathe. He sat down on the bed and held his head in his hands.

 

“Shane breathe, everything is going to be fine. Most people talking about this showing how bad league is. People saying you are strong for not punching asshole in the face.” Ilya pulled Shane in for a hug.

 

“It’s not fine!” Shane’s voice was barely above a whisper before taking a deep breath. “I have been lucky. With our rivalry they had to treat us the same when they compared us. They were already going to be very critical of my stats and flaws, but they can’t go too far with it when I have an equal to compare to. I don’t think that I could get away with some of the things you have done, but the rivalry was good for something.”

 

“There had been some speculation that my race was the reason I went second overall instead of first. I think that would have been the case if Montreal had the first pick. As much as I hate to admit you were a better choice for Boston. You had the more recent win and your play style and attitude fit their team culture. Just like I fit better in Montréal than you. If we switched teams I think we would have struggled more.” Ilya went to interrupt but Shane stopped him.

 

“You were barely able to understand English, half of my interviews were in French. That is not mentioning the rigid rules and horrible strategies that you would have had to follow under Theriault. The only reason we won two cups is he actually started following my suggestions instead of giving his favorites ice time. I would have been on my moms least favorite team instead of her favorite, I am not sure I would have been able to make a friend like Hayden, and I would not be as good of a captain for them as you.”

 

“So you admit I am the better captain.”

 

“Of course that is what you get from all of that. I am saying my style of captaining wouldn’t fit well with the Raiders. You have the social aspect that they need. I am still a better captain when it comes to everything else.” The atmosphere was a bit lighter after that.

 

---

 

“So you want to be passive aggressive then?” Farah asked.

 

“What do you mean?” Shane knew what passive aggressive was but not how exactly they would in this occasion.

 

“We state that the racism is nothing new, and then say it obviously doesn’t affect your play without diminishing the seriousness of it.”

 

“I guess?”

 

“Leave it to me I will make sure it portrays that you don’t take advice from those who aren’t as good as you without actually saying that and donate some of the compensation like we discussed.” Farah hung up before Shane could say anything else.

 

---

 

As much as Scott felt bad for the rook he also dreaded playing against him for their next game. There wasn’t a whole lot to study on how to try and stop him with the Bears.

 

Bennett had threatened the whole team about whoever gave the Bears a power play. Having them on the same team was already his nightmare, he did not need to also try and track both of them at the same time. It seemed to be a universal opinion of goalies in the league.

 

Not for the first time Scott cursed the old Voyagers management and the fact that the Bears had actually had the cap space for the rook. He would’ve looked so good in their uniform. He almost wished that Shane hadn’t told him that the Admirals were his second choice, now he knew what they almost had. They would of had to trade some people but they have had such a good chance for the cup, now the had to defeat two generational talents on the same team.

 

---

 

“Are you sure you are doing okay in Ottawa?”

 

“I have two cup wins thanks to you, that is more than most players have for their entire career. The Voyagers were never going to trade me to a good team and I would have to beat you and the Bears which is almost impossible. The room isn't toxic and Jackie is happy, that is all I care about. Losing does suck but I am not as obsessed with hockey as you.”

 

“If you say so, how’s J.J. doing? I talked to him but I am not sure if he is downplaying how bad it is to not stress me out more.”

 

“He is actually doing okay, he has full support right now so he is able to shut down the assholes and they actually get consequences. Especially now that everyone is so focused on what we say now. It still isn’t great but he is excited for the opportunity to be captain.”

 

“Thats good, I was worried for him.”

 

 

Chapter 19: Strength

Chapter Notes

Sorry again for late update, didn’t know where to go with this chapter

It was almost heartbreaking to learn that Hollzy was used to racism being thrown around on the ice. What were his teammates thinking? The Voyagers weren’t known for fighting, but that was their Captain and star player they let be demeaned without consequences. Hollzy's reassurances just made the Bears more determined to go after bigots, especially when he let it slip that players also targeted his mom with the racist chirps. This would be a bump in the plan to get him to stay if he was really against violence on his behalf, but there was no way they were going to make people think that they could get away unscathed disrespecting one of their own.

Cliff didn’t think it set back their plan too much as I would probably help in the long run. Hollzy had just never had a team that backed him up before. Public scrutiny on toxic hockey culture brought by this whole thing meant that there would be consequences beyond getting punched for racist shit. Cliff didn’t have confidence that the NFL would do anything but there was enough outrage that most teams would make sure their players would clean up their act.

Holzy had at least relaxed around them a little more and was competing with Rozy over everything. It would be more concerning if it weren’t for Roz pouting like a child every time he lost and Hollzy seemed to take too much joy in beating Roz.

Hollzy wasn't quite old enough for them to try and get him emotionally attached to a rookie but they could try. Hopefully them just being a better team for him than the Voyagers was enough for now. While they did have three years to convince him to stay, it didn’t hurt to start as soon as possible.

 

LeClaire thanked whatever luck that caused Hollander to choose the Bears. He was also deeply grateful for the fact that the Bears had been very careful with who they added to the team. Despite their reputation for having very aggressive and physical players, they made sure that it was restricted to the ice. They had enough PR issues without the scandals of cheating, violence off ice, and other unsavory issues.

Sure the Bears drank, went to clubs, and made some stupid decisions but there really wasn’t any really serious issues. It was why Ashburn had been having so much trouble finding a forward before Hollander signed. There might have been good forwards to choose from but they had personality issues.

Don’t get him wrong, the Bears are a bunch of assholes, but they were the good type of assholes. Well, besides Hollander who was actually letting his personality out and was being a little bit bitchy. Apparently between the Bears reputation and Hollander's reluctance to seem like a victim had him shutting down reporters with perfectly ‘innocent’ questions and generally loosing up on his perfect golden boy image.

LeClaire was fully supportive of his team punching people for being bigots. He has never expected a clean game out of them. And honestly, Hollander needed the reassurance that he had a team who would back him up. For all his skill Hollander definitely had some confidence issues. He knew he was the best hockey player but didn’t seem like he expected people to respect him for anything other than that.

One thing that came as an unexpected bonus was Hollander's spreadsheet on the team’s strengths and weaknesses. He had sheepishly admitted to LeClaire that between everyone asking for advice and Hollander’s therapist advice for organizing his thoughts more led to him giving an in depth analysis of what everyone on the team needed to work on and how to fix it. LeClaire was just expecting him to provide and extra set of eyes and someone who would help get the players to understand what they were doing wrong.

The Voyagers obviously had no idea what they had handed to the Bears. Not only did they pass on a generational player they also passed on all the hockey knowledge he was able to provide to benefit the team. Each passing week was making LeClaire more and more confident on winning the cup.

 

Giving LeClaire the spreadsheet took more courage then Shane thought it would. At least he seemed impressed and congratulated him on getting help when he mentioned his therapist. She had told him that his planning and spreadsheets were a good coping mechanism as long as they didn’t get in the way of sleep or food. She did want him to start using his skills to try to organize his thoughts and feelings too though.

It was still a work in progress and he wasn’t able to identify what he was feeling other than panic and anxiety most of the time. He did feel appreciation that the team was so defensive of him but couldn’t understand why they were so determined to punch anyone who so much as looked at him wrong. Thankfully the next few teams they were against were no tones that had players that threw around slurs.

Shane was hoping that this would be the last ‘scandal’. Why anyone thought toxic hockey culture was news was very ignorant when it came to hockey. It would take a whole lot more than people just being upset about it to change it.

 

Hockeybuff Podcast

Paul: Thank you for going us again as we update you on the latest news in the NHL

John: Let’s start out with the fact that all of Canada is protesting against the commissioner.

Paul: They are arguing that his lax rules and lack of consequences for racism is the reason Hollander had to go to America instead of staying in Canada.

John: With Montréal out of the running there were only six choices in Canada. Toronto and Vancouver are known for their problematic players and toxic room which makes them unsuitable options. Ottawa is not an option for obvious reasons despite being his hometown, no one wants to go to a team that is constantly bottom of the league. Edmonton doesn’t have the cap space or the ability to shuffle around people without making big changes so they didn’t offer him anything.

Paul: Calgary while not particularly having any stand out bigots recently had a hazing scandal. Which only leaves Winnipeg. While they did offer him a contract they aren’t a great team. They might be regularly in playoff contention, they haven’t really gotten far like the Bears.

John: We also don’t know the exact details of what all they offered. When there is only one real choice in Canada it is easy to start looking elsewhere.

Paul: I feel like there is some merit to their allegations, however Hollander may have chosen Boston anyway.

John: I agree that the lack of regulation made it much more likely for him to pick an American team. Also if there were consequences set in place maybe Montreal would have been more hesitant to snub their Captain over something out of his control.

Paul: Either way the Commissioner needs to tread lightly because his lack of action in all this is not promising for his continued employment.

John: I think part of it was the confirmation that this is a regular thing also fueled the fire so to say.

Paul: It certainly didn’t help things. Hollander's statement just showed how strong of a person he is. I know I would have reacted the same as his teammates hearing what he said to Hollander.

John: I agree people say he is weak because he doesn’t get into fights, when it is really he is strong because he doesn’t get into fights with all the horrible things he has undoubtedly heard said to him.

Paul: I agree and I must say I am looking forward to more of this passive aggressive stance Hollander seems to have taken.

John: He is too media trained and nice to outright call people out but I agree that I am interested to see if this attitude/personality continues.

Chapter 20: Interview

Chapter Summary

Shane gives an interview while Cliff and the team come to the right conclusion for the wrong reasons.

Chapter Notes

Next chapter will focus on their relationship a bit more, but for now here is this

Thank you all so much for the support, it means a lot to me.

The next two weeks went by pretty uneventfully. The Bears were already on a winning streak and showing no signs of slowing down. During a break in the schedule his mother had him do an interview. She said that people were now curious about his experiences with racism in the league and see more of his personality. As much as he was loved as the Golden boy of hockey, they were more interested in his recent change in media management.

 

“We are here with Shane Hollander to get an insider view on everything that has happened in the hockey world.” The interviewer started. What was her name again? Sheila? Sherry? He was riddled with nerves when she introduced herself, he can’t remember. He was just happy this was not live. “We are going to start with why did you choose the Raiders specifically?”

 

“My requirements for a team were it needed to be not too far away from Ottawa, needed to be a cup contender, and afford to pay me a similar amount to Rozanov. As I knew there was no real hatred between Rozanov and I, the Bears felt like I would be in a better position to win the cup with them rather than any other team.”

 

“What would have been your choice if they didn’t sign you?”

 

“The Admirals most likely, I was looking into both New York teams and Jersey.”

 

“You said there is no hatred between you but how do you feel about Rozanov being your captain?”

 

“It is fine. Believe it or not I really didn’t want to be Captain again right away.”

 

“Really? Why?”

 

“It is a lot of work and any team that would have given me captain right away is a team that would be at least a little desperate. That and trying to get my life together is enough work without worrying about where the rookies are. I still have some of the responsibility as the assistant captain, but most of the work is not on me. ”

 

“So not because your experience with the Voyagers?”

 

“Maybe a little bit, they respected me enough on the ice and that was what mattered to me. There were some issues when I banned slurs in the locker room but most of them understood when I said that I get too many slurs thrown at me on the ice, I didn’t need to hear it in the locker room too. I think any wariness of the captaincy would be the lack of support from management. We won two cups though so I wouldn’t call my experience as a captain there bad.”

 

“Did they fight anyone who called you a slur?”

 

“Most did not. Hayden and J.J. were the main two who did. I got Hayden to stop doing it as often as it wasn’t worth him getting hurt. As a person of color himself J.J. only really fought people who made comments about our families because he also knew it really isn’t worth it most of the time.”

 

“How have you managed to not fight anyone when their insults include your family?”

 

“Part of it is I am not someone who enjoys fighting. The other part is I feel like giving into their investigation is letting them win, telling them their word affected me the way they wanted them to. Multiple people can tell you I hate losing. Instead I use their words as motivation to score even more against them.”

 

“What do you think about the NHL having rules against racism in the future?”

 

“I think it is not just a NHL problem, yes it would be great but I was used to hearing racist remarks long before I joined the league. It is a hockey culture problem.”

 

“On to a slightly lighter topic, do you plan to stay with the Bears or do you see yourself moving elsewhere.”

 

“Most likely I will stay but as you can understand I am a little wary. I had planned to stay my entire career on one team. I don’t want to jump from team to team but I also want to be respected.”

 

“So not thinking about rejoining the Voyagers once they have rebuilt?”

 

“No, as much as I enjoyed the fans, the cup wins, and the closeness to my parents I don’t think I could handle being there. I would always be worried about them not wanting me anymore.”

 

“Alright final question, what is the best thing about being a Bear?”

 

“Well the Bears have been very welcoming to me but I would be lying if I didn’t say because I am a Bear Rozanov won’t be able to catch up to me in cup wins.”

 

The interview had been nerve wracking and he had never been more grateful for his therapist than he did now. He was also grateful for his mom who screened the questions beforehand.

 

 

 

After watching the interview Cliff was ecstatic. Hollzy wanted a team to retire with and as long as nothing scared him off he would stay a Bear for the rest of his career! Whoever came up with those questions needs a raise. 

 

What they needed to do was to keep Roz on the team and stay cup contenders, which went hand in hand together. There wasn’t really any reason for Roz to leave them so they just needed to keep listening to Hollzy’s tips and to Roz bitching about being permanently behind his rival in cups. They were still rivals even as teammates they were not able to go a single practice without competing over something.

 

The other thing that Cliff specifically was put in charge of was to make sure that the two continued getting along. As the other assistant captain he was the one around them both the most. He planned to schedule some of their captain meetings in more casual places.

 

Other than that they need to make sure they don’t suck and become complacent like Montréal. With two superstars on their team it could be easy to not try as hard because they are there, which they need to avoid.

 

 

 

It was a hangout at someone’s house when Carmicheal was drunk enough to ask the question.

 

“How do you hear all that shit about you and your family and not do anything besides focusing on scoring?”

 

Shane, having had a beer or two himself for once, feels pretty comfortable around the team now and smirks. While not willing to get drunk, it is easier to let loose a bit more now that the team doesn’t automatically lose without him being in peak condition.

 

“There is a reason that I don’t win the Lady Bing every year despite not getting into any fights and having a high number of points.” Then Shane excuses himself for the night.

 

“But those penalties were accidents right?” He hears before he leaves. An advantage to having a reputation for being the Golden Boy is no one thinks you would trip someone or check people at a bad angle on purpose. The thing is Shane is fast and has excellent control, there is very little he does by accident on the ice. It was only for the worst offenders as most were not creative at all with their bigotry.

 

Shane Ubers home and starts doing his nightly routine. It wasn’t long before Ilya arrives too. They had been meeting up at the penthouse because Ilya wouldn’t be questioned for being out all night and people stopped by Ilya’s house enough to be worried about being caught.

 

Apparently something about his statement made Ilya horny because there wasn’t a lot of talking involved after he arrived.

 

 

 

Hockeybuff 

 

Paul: Today we are going to start talking about the Atlantic division, there is a lot to talk about so it will be a two part episode.

 

John: We are going to focus on the Voyagers, the Centaurs, and the Bears as they have the most to talk about.

 

Paul: Let’s start with what fans are calling the Hollanov hurricane, which is Hollander and Rozanov.

 

John: It makes sense they are fast, hit hard, and leave devastation in their wake.

 

Paul: Luckily for some teams LeClaire has said that he will be benching one of the star centers on some games to give them a break and keep them healthy and rested.

 

John: Why risk both getting hurt if you only need one? There may be some lack of depth in center but as long as he chooses teams they can easily beat there shouldn’t be an issue.

 

Paul: We also have Hollander showing a little bit more personality than we saw with the Voyagers.

 

John: I think he is more comfortable with this team and it probably helps that he doesn’t need to carry the team.

 

Paul: He and the Bears have only lost one game so far, I would say he has a reason to.

 

John: Next is the Voyagers, while the new owners and management did their best with what they had they are most likely not going to be in playoff contention.

 

Paul: They don’t totally suck but the lack of cohesion and likely room tension has made it hard for them to truly do well.

 

John: I will say that I underestimated their goalie, he is the main reason that they win anything. He really stepped up this season.

 

Paul: Not that the rest of the team suck, but it is harder for them to stand out.

 

John: We will see how this team evolves, I think management still wants to get rid of some players for their disrespect and lack of common sense when talking about their former captain.

 

Paul: It will definitely be interesting to watch, just like the next team we are talking about, the Centaurs.

 

John: I see the potential in them, I just think they have further to go before they can be considered good.

 

Paul: They also lack cohesion but not as bad as the Voyagers. Under their new captain and their new coach they do win every once in a while. They still are an easy team to beat for most, but they will put up a bit of a fight. 

 

John: I agree they either need some good draft picks or sign some bigger names. Adding Pike and appointing him Captain was a good first step.

 

Paul: I agree, I think they are finally making smarter moves. They could be on their way to being a decent team if they continue making these strategic moves.

 

John: I am eager to watch all these teams, I feel as though there is a lot to look out for.

Chapter 21: Toronto

Chapter Notes

Thanks for all the support!

Sorry if this isn’t the best, not feeling well

Signing Hollander with Rozanov still on the team was the best thing to happen to the Bears in a long time. Everyone doubted it working out, but it turned out that they were a monster together. Simply adding Hollander to the team had also boosted team morale and overall skill level. He saw others weaknesses and helped them overcome them.

 

Phil, as the owner of the Bears was more hands off and lenient compared to owners. He was consulted before the actual signing of the contract but he had left the decision to his GM. He couldn’t be happier with the results. The Bears were at the top of their division and PR had never been better. Hollander was perfect for media and despite the PRs team's reservations, he liked that Hollander was leaning into being a bear. It was amazing how he was able to say fuck you without outright saying it. Hollander was mastering the art of willful ignorance with inappropriate questions and at the same time not straying too far from his Golden Boy image. 

 

As much as he felt bad Hollander had to go through the media circus that was his exit with the Voyagers, the media exposure and increase in the Bears reputation was great. Phil wasn’t worried about the fines that would be incurred by the team defending Hollander from hate speech. The Bears as a team already had a higher than average budget for fines and there had been less dirty fouls since Hollander joined. Besides, the profit from Hollanders jerseys was more than enough to make up for the increase. They had not been able to keep it in stock. In addition there were also sponsors that had reached out after he joined the team which couldn’t all be coincidence. 

 

One of the best parts of having two star centers on their team though is that they can rest one of them without worry of lowering their standings. There was no need to play them both against worse teams and risk injury when they would have won without one or both of them. They were going to go far this year and they can make sure their top scorers don’t get too worn out from games before the playoffs. 

 

He really didn’t understand what the old Voyagers owner and management were thinking. Phil knows the Bears weren’t the only ones who asked about acquiring the pick used to draft Hollander. Their opinions and racism were quite well known in the league. Thinking that Hollander would sign for such a low amount because they drafted him was insane. He was not only their captain, he had brought them back to back cups. If they weren’t going to value him they should have traded the pick or Hollander himself then they would just be idiots but with something gained.

 

 

 

“Did you tell Marlow about us?” Shane, for once, did not sound anxious. 

 

“No, would not out you.”

 

“Do you think he guessed?”

 

“No, he is stupid hockey player.”

 

“Then is he trying to set us up? I don’t know why he continues to schedule and not show up to so many captain meetings.”

 

“Team wants us to get along, make us spend time together simple.” 

 

“Are you sure?”

 

“Yes very sure. Do you not want to go on   date with me?”

 

“I do, I am just concerned. If he does know he is being aggressively supportive but you have said he is a bit of a gossip.”

 

“Eh it’s fine. He still think I am head over butt for Montreal Girl.”

 

“It is head over heels.”

 

“I like mine better.”

 

These dates had been lovely; they were able to spend time with each other alone without worrying. It was nice to sit down and get to know each other outside of hockey. 

 

While he was getting comfortable with the Bears he was still a bit wary. His and Ilya’s relationship getting out could ruin their careers and potentially put I lay in danger. Ilya trusted Marlow but Shane still wasn’t comfortable coming out to anybody really. He had brought up the topic with his therapist though. 

 

Weirdly enough all of this drama had made him feel less nervous about being outed. Canadians were already outraged by him being forced to choose a non-Canadian team. Even if half of them supported being gay it was still a lot of people. On top of this he suspects a lot of Boston fans would not be happy if the league tried to force the two best players on their team no matter what the reason was. So many teams showed interest in him that he is pretty sure at least one would be fine with him being gay even if it was out of desperation. He still wasn’t planning to come out but the fear of his life falling apart if he is outed wasn’t as great. 

 

It was during this time that he met Svetlana. It was during a low-key get-together at Ilya’s place. She showed up, hugged Ilya and then spent the next hour talking puck with Shane. While he didn’t love the fact that she used to sleep with Ilya, it was hard not to like her. Before the end of the night she had put her phone number in his phone as he was ‘the only responsible adult on the team’ and to call her if Ilya was being stupid. Their meeting had been one of the quickest he had ever gotten used to and the most he had talked to someone he just met. 

 

It wasn't long after they had an upcoming game against Toronto. Shane knew it  was going to be a blood bath. When he told LeClaire that he just informed Shane he would be mic’ed up for the game. Which would only make things worse because the fans would also get involved. Shane also had never been mic’ed up before; one of the few benefits of being known to be boring. To make things worse this was a roadie with Montréal as the next game, which he will also have a mic for.

 

As much as he appreciated bigots being exposed this was going to be an experience. Management at least had sent more medical staff than usual with them for the roadie. 

 

As he was getting ready for the game he could feel the tension in the room. Everyone knew how Kent was and were ready. Even knowing Shane was going to have a mic had not lowered their bloodlust. Shane was hoping against all odds that they could get through this game with minimal injuries on their side. He wasn’t asking for there to be minimal injuries overall, he knew that was asking for too much. Despite all his progress with his anxiety Shane was a bundle of nerves. 

 

LeClaire offered to minimize his play time but he said no. Shane was expecting to be one of the only people not in the penalty box for most of the match. Not that he wanted less play time in this game, it felt too much like letting the other team win. That their words had actually had an effect. 

 

Ilya insisted on Shane starting the game, knowing Kent wouldn’t waste any time. Shane reluctantly took the first shift, he would have liked to at least make it through the first shift before the fighting happened but that seemed to also be too big of an ask. Marlow and St.Simon were his wingers, apparently very eager for an excuse to punch Kent. Now Shane is all for Kent getting punched, he deserves it, but he doesn’t want them to get hurt trying to defend Shane. Part of him hoped that Kent had seen the media post about the mic and wouldn’t start with the slurs but the other part of him said it wouldn’t matter he wouldn’t care. 

 

They didn’t even make it past puck drop. As soon as Kent took a place across from Shane he opened his mouth and proceeded to prove all Shane’s worries correct. The rest of the game continued to be the Guardians not being able to keep their mouths shut and the Bears punishing them for it. While most refs still turned a blind eye to racist remarks if a fight broke out over it they were more consistent in giving the instigation penalty to the person who was racist.

 

Neither team had the full five players on for most of the game, there were multiple game misconducts/ejections, many injuries, and at least four people in the penalty box for both sides. Shane was only able to be on the power play with Ilya once before he went to the box and later was one of the ones given a game misconduct. Before he left he had almost certainly broken one of Kent’s bones.

 

Shane had some long shifts during the game but they didn’t feel that long as most of the good players on the guardians were ejected, injured, or in the box. While the Bears had their fair share of missing players Shane was adaptable and had been on the team long enough to know everyone’s play style and habits. The work the Bears had put in to fix the flaws Shane pointed out also helped. Between that and Toronto being at fault for instigating let the Bears be the team that brought home the win. The game itself felt as if it went on forever. With all the penalties it definitely was longer than a usual game. 

 

“This better not be a recurring thing.” Shane states after the game.

 

“Come on Hollzy! You said that even you make the worst offenders regret it.” Marlow was very unhelpful as an assistant captain.

 

“There is a difference between humiliating them by scoring as many points as possible and occasionally tripping versus fighting and injuring yourself in the process. You guys knew this game I had a mic on, they were going to get consequences without you all throwing a punch every time they so much as looked at me wrong. As the main player tonight I have to go do media and try to deal with this whole mess.”

 

“We did score five goals on them.” A brave soul speaks up.

 

“I scored five goals in them.” Shane corrects.

 

Media was as bad as he thought it was going to be. The questions over the remarks being normal contrasted with does he think his team overreacted. Yes and yes, he does think that there should be consequences for the words so they aren’t engrained in hockey culture and yes they are idols who wanted to defend his honor. Shane doesn’t think he is all that successful at hiding how done he is both with the racism and his team.

 

 

Chapter 22: Montréal

Chapter Notes

Hey I wanted to have most of this on last chapter but my mind decided to stop processing words. I am kind of glad though because I came up with stuff to add to it that changes it and it was hard to write so I kept coming back to it.

Again thanks for all the support!

Yuna Hollander was not afraid to admit that she was a vengeful person. If the world had been a fairer place she wouldn’t have needed to be. While she enjoyed the freedoms that came with living in Canada, their national sport was very much a white man sport.

 

When her son became obsessed with hockey she made sure to sit him down and explain that he was going to have a harder time than most and hear unfair things said about him. She supported him following his dreams but he also needed to understand that when he decided to pursue it as a career that people were going to oppose his place in the sport. She has done her best to make his path to success as smooth as possible but she knows he doesn’t tell her everything. 

 

So what if that junior coach was never able to get a job coaching again? So what if that family with their terrible son suddenly had to move? So what if she fanned the flames that led to the Voyagers needing to be sold?

 

Once she saw and heard Shane's game against the Guardians she went to work. Those poor women needed a lawyer who wouldn’t look the other way and she was just helping them out of the goodness of her heart. Those wives should know that their husbands are cheating on them in public and deserve good lawyers as well. It also had nothing to do with her that one of those wives got the idea to leak their husband’s group messages online.

 

Yuna was on her way to becoming a Bears fan however. She was just going to support her son as, despite her new hatred for the Voyagers, she wasn’t willing to part with her hatred for Boston. They started winning her over when they started trying to win her son over with get togethers that were Shane-friendly. Even though they decreased when the season started, effort was given to make Shane feel included. Now they were making sure to defend Shane and make it clear that what these bigots said deserved consequences.

 

She almost wished her son did punch some of the pricks that spouted filth from their mouths. Even though her son wasn't one for violence she had made sure he knew how to fight. He was learning to be a bit meaner, which she truthfully thought he needed. Media training was important but she agreed with her son that he shouldn’t be viewed as just a victim.

 

 

 

Despite everyone’s expectations Shane wasn't that nervous about going against Montréal. He was anxious about it but there had been a lot of change since he had been there. The players he would have been most worried about were gone and the rest would be trying not to lose their spots on the team. It definitely wasn’t something he was looking forward to, but he didn’t think it was going to be as much of a disaster as everyone thought it was going to be. 

 

Getting a mic on again sucked, especially since he didn’t think it was going to be needed this game. LeClaire said even if there wasn’t going to be any comments from the Voyagers media still was going to want him mic’ed for his first game back versus his old team. 

 

Stepping onto the ice in Bell center as a visitor was weird. The amount of applause he got surprised him. There were a lot of his jerseys in the crowd from both old and new colors. He had to hold back tears from all the supportive signs and people who continued to support him even though he now played for their rival team. While there were still signs that called him a traitor, they were few. 

 

One of the first things he did was hug J.J. during warmups. 

 

“You look good in the C.” Even if Hayden had stayed, Shane thinks that J.J. should have been chosen as captain. Hayden was less organized and a little bit worse under pressure. Ottawa was perfect for Hayden as the team could grow with him with lower stress. 

 

“Not as good as you do Captain.”

 

“I am not Captain anymore.”

 

“You will always be my captain. I don’t know how you made it look so easy.”

 

“Yeah well I am quite happy with just the A. I was fine with being captain in Montréal but it is nice not having to give motivational speeches.” 

 

“I would say something about the Bears treating you right, but your last game proves they are very protective of you.” Shane groaned. 

 

“Don’t remind me. I told them it was unnecessary as I was mic’ed and not to risk getting injured and they went and fought for half the game.”

 

“Well good luck mon Captain.”

 

It was a tense but not close game. There were fights, but definitely not as many as people were expecting. Montréal seemed to learn from Toronto's mistake and stayed silent around Shane. However, they did seem to target Shane with checks and penalties. Almost all fights broke out because of that but Shane had always been a player people targeted and was too fast and skilled for most of them.  

 

Shane was on the first line because Ilya got himself a one game suspension for his actions in the last game. While the Bears were a couple players down from injuries, the lack of cohesion among the Voyagers let the Bears bring home the victory. Shane wants to say he played a good game, but while he did okay he definitely wasn’t up to his usual standard. 

 

He couldn’t help that sinking feeling as he played against the team he helped build up and brought two cups to. It helped that there were a good amount of roster changes, but it still was a stark reminder that he had been discarded. 

 

Many of the Bears checked up on Shane afterward which he appreciated but thought unnecessary. The media was the most brutal part in Shane’s opinion. Canadian reporters were always more serious? Invested? Just more overall compared to their US counterparts. One good thing was he could take up time by answering in English then translating it to French. 

 

The next game is their first loss in a while. Between the injuries and game suspensions there aren't enough decent players to beat the Minnesota Wolves, a regular playoff contender. It was close 3-2 until the end when they pulled their goalie and Minnesota got an empty netter. All injuries were minor and losing one game wouldn’t make a difference in the long run but Shane was pissed. They lost the game because of him, indirectly, but that is not the point.

 

 

 

Ilya’s father is not happy with the loss despite the Bear’s previous winning streak. He was already on Ilya’s case since his dad viewed Shane as a threat to Ilya’s position. Nothing could convince him that Ilya’s place on the team was not in jeopardy; the money he was sending to Russia was not in jeopardy. His father hadn’t been happy that Ilya took a team friendly deal, now Shane was getting more ice time then Ilya. 

 

“He shouldn’t be on the ice if he can’t stop being such a pussy! Why get hurt for someone who can’t take a chirp?”

 

It was the first time in a while that Ilya was truly mad at his father and the first time he hung up mid call. Shane didn’t deserve to be insulted like that. Especially because Shane had asked them not to, had asked Ilya not to. No one regretted it, not even Ilya. They still had a great winning record and players needed to learn that their behavior had consequences. 

 

While he hated the fact that Shane was annoyed at the loss, there hadn’t been any serious injuries. Also, luckily, Ilya was one of the few Shane wasn't angry with. Apparently Kent was an acceptable target. 

 

Despite all this Ilya wasn't able to get out of bed their first practice back. Maybe his dad was right about him being a lazy disappointment. His team are probably disappointed by him for being a bad captain. He keeps having these bad days and now he is too weak to even get out of bed. 

 

Ilya texts the coach that he won’t be at practice and to tell the team when they get there. He gets a concerned text back that he ignores. It had already taken a lot to find his phone and gather the courage to swan the text. He has never missed a mandatory practice before, but he can’t be seen like this. The team will call him weak. Besides, getting out of bed feels like too much of a ask. Usually the thought of spending time with Shane would be able to get him out of bed but Shane probably wouldn’t be happy to see him. It would just cause him to worry. 

 

Ilya tries to silence his thoughts as he burrows under the covers. It doesn’t work as his mind continues to bring up everything that made him more of a disappointment. 

 

 

 

When Shane went to ask LeClaire about leading practice he was concerned to learn Ilya wasn't coming. As much as he was proud of him for actually taking a day off when he needed it, how bad was it for him to reach that point? Shane was never so grateful for Svetlana forcing him to hand over his number to her. They hadn’t texted too much but it was nice to keep in touch with someone who analyzed hockey like he did. He sends her a quick text to see if she can check on Ilya and gets a positive reply before practice starts.

 

He is relieved she was able to. As much as he hates to admit it she is probably the best person to talk to him. She knows him and his habits, meanwhile Shane hasn’t even been able to approach the topic of Ilya’s off days. Even with them being able to be on dates and in public together they haven’t really gotten too personal with their conversations. Shane did make sure he did talk about his therapist and his success so far with it and medication so Ilya will know it is okay to get help. 

 

He put his worries aside for now, Svetlana would text him if he is needed. As he had gotten permission to run the practice he could set up breaks to check his phone. But he needed to focus on this, if the team had the energy to fight every game they had the energy to deal with the practices he forced his own team through. 

 

Chapter 23: Training and News

Chapter Notes

Run into some writers block so hopefully this is okay, going to try to tackle the Olympics next.

As always thanks for the support!

Cliff never wanted Hollzy to be in charge of a practice again. It wasn’t he had them doing bag skates, it was that he was like a drill instructor. If you didn’t keep up he gave you such a disappointing look that you felt bad that you couldn’t meet his expectations. He forgot how much of a monster Hollzy was as he did everything alongside them barely breaking sweat. Cliff now knew how Hollzy brought the Voyagers two cups as he told them that this was just Monday practice for them. Cliff pitied those poor fuckers, ungrateful bastards the were, they certainly went through hell. 

 

In addition to being strict you couldn’t hide anything from him. He was so observant that he could spot an injury by the way you moved. That was his biggest problem with them defending him. He grudgingly was okay with them doing it but the fact that they got injured and suspended to point of losing a game was unacceptable. Cliff doesn’t think there was a time where so many Bears actually went to get every injury treated for, they were used to hiding and working through them. 

 

“What is the point of getting put on IR leave when we are on a legendary run?! If you fuckers can’t swallow your pride and get your injuries checked out when we are winning, those concussions are really getting to you and I question your judgement.” Hollzy wasn't one to mince his words. His media Golden Boy persona was completely different than his captain persona. 

 

By the end everyone was beyond grateful that the Bears had chosen Rozy over Hollzy. They would have died if Hollzy had been their captain. As much as they loved the guy and never wanted him to leave, Hollzy mad was so much worse than Rozy mad. Especially since coach was perfectly happy leaving them to Hollzy’s mercy and even took notes.

 

Coach had worried a bit about Hollzy wouldn’t quite fit in with the aggressiveness of the team. As much as it was nice to have someone who would consistently stay on the ice, team chemistry was very important. Clearly there was no need to worry. Despite not getting into fights he was totally capable of taking care of himself even if he did it differently then the rest of them. 

 

Even though Cliff loved that Rozy actually listened to his body and took a day off, he never wanted him to miss another again. Hopefully Svetlana was able to take good care of him so he could distract Hollzy with their constant competitions and bickering. 

 

 

 

HockeyBuff Podcast:

 

Paul: Okay so there’s a lot to talk about.

 

John: To recap, Shane Hollander left the Voyagers because they were racist bastards who didn’t respect him when he tried to resign with them. 

 

Paul: It was a huge shock but it didn’t cause any waves until someone leaked the shitty contract they offered him. 

 

John: In order to prove that he wasn't the problem, Hollander's team made the audio file from the meeting public. 

 

Paul: This led to the Voyagers eventually being sold and internal and external investigations started. There were a couple of arrests at the start but it has been ongoing for a while.

 

John: Meanwhile Hollander signed with the Bears who respect him and were willing to pay him similarly to his rival.

 

Paul: And were who he thought had the best chance at a cup if he joined. If there is one thing we learned about Hollander is he hates losing. 

 

John: Then someone on the opposing team makes a racist comment in front of his new teammates who are not afraid to throw hands and tell everyone exactly why.

 

Paul: This has led to outrage as him being mic’ed up for the first time shows all the verbal abuse that he has to deal with. The outrage is enormous because of Hollander is one of the best if not the best player in the NHL.

 

John: It takes a big name bringing attention to something to bring change, no one would believe it if a nobody cried racism and wouldn’t care about the verbal abuse they suffered through if they weren’t good at hockey. There would be outrage but not a NHL shattering scandal.

 

Paul: Right and now you have the Voyager investigations revealing an even bigger issue than just the organization and several implications towards the commissioner doing shady business practices. 

 

John: So in a domino effect Hollander wanting respect has led to the resignation and possible arrest of the NHL commissioner on top of toppling at least one franchise pending more.

 

Paul: As much as this change in hockey culture is needed, I feel bad for Hollander. Dude just wanted to play hockey and now he is leading a culture revolution by simply existing. 

 

John: I can’t get over the fact that he was so annoyed with his team for defending him. Yeah they went overboard but he shouldn’t feel like those comments are just part of the games. Some of the shit that came out of their mouths? Hockey culture may have a very macho man vibe but family has always been off limits. No matter how white the sport is just the comments about his mom, man that isn’t hockey culture that is harassment and bullying.

 

Paul: Not to mention creating a hostile work environment. Which is hard to do in a sport as physical as hockey. I am also questioning what were they thinking like even if you had these opinions or thought these things why be stupid enough to say them on national tv even if you think most of what you say isn't being picked up?

 

John: Also did no one in management have a word with them during the breaks? Like I understand no one checking the opposing teams social before game, but after the first quarter they didn’t have a talk to the team about Hollander having a mic?

 

Paul: Maybe they didn’t care? I don’t understand either, the one comment from the earlier game caused such a scandal, yet you continue to allow your players to say such vile things? That is an organizational issue.

 

John: At this point it is a league wide-issue, maybe even a sport-wide issue. 

 

Paul: and to think Hollander hasn’t thrown a single punch his whole career.

 

John: At this point he is competing for sainthood, if it was me I would have been suspended so many times.

 

Paul: I think that is part of the reason why people are taking this so seriously, they are saying these things to someone who doesn’t do anything to deserve it. Not that anyone deserves it.

 

John: Anyone who called him soft should eat their words, anyone who hears that regularly at work and still chooses to continue like nothing is wrong is a strong person deserving of respect.

 

Paul: If it weren’t for the leak of his contract offer he probably would have continued to stay quiet about it.

 

John: Instead there are many police investigations and organizational changes.

 

 

 

Svetlana was very happy she made friends with Shane. Ilya was not one to ask for help, so having someone to cut through his bullshit and ask for help for him was a godsend. Luckily she didn’t have anything that couldn’t be put off for another day. 

 

She had been worried about Ilya more than usual, he seemed to have made things serious with however he had been texting (she had theories about exactly who) and had stopped his usual vices. He no longer did hook ups and he only smoked occasionally. Both habits weren’t the best for him but he also didn’t have any healthy coping mechanisms. Hockey kind of counted but it was the fighting part he used as a coping mechanism. 

 

As she ushered Ilya to get up and take a shower she noticed the clues for the presence of another person in his space and things started to come together. Ilya had found a reason to stop some of his more self destructive tendencies. Between this and the joy she could see on his face when he played with Shane she was hopeful for Ilya.

 

She did need to try to get him into therapy again though, without his coping mechanisms she was worried one bad fight with this mystery man (she had her suspicions especially with the timing of it all) would throw him over the edge when he was already dangerously close to it. 

 

Shane Hollander was the best thing that happened to Ilya whether he knew it or not. Not only did Shane help Ilya find hockey fun again, he also gave Ilya a better view on accepting help with mental health. While Shane didn’t share it with the team he had told Svetlana and Ilya about him seeing a therapist. Ilya couldn’t see having to see a therapist as weak without calling Shane weak, which, if Svetlana was right, is the last thing Ilya would ever think. And if her suspicions were true then he also was the reason for Ilya’s off ice happiness. 

 

She hoped she was right because Shane wasn’t someone who was going to hurt Ilya on purpose. He might on accident but was earnest in his attempt to try his best not to. He was such a delight to talk hockey with and she had gotten to know him pretty well. In the future she hopes that she will become someone Shane can ask advice from so the risk of him misunderstanding something decreases. 

Chapter 24: The question

Chapter Notes

Hello this was supposed to start into the Olympics but Shane stole the show.

Thanks again for all the support I read all comments and love that you all enjoy this fic. Someone guessed what I had already thought about and reminded me to write about it.

I am learning to stop if something is too daunting to write as it causes me to not write at all.

Love you all!

😘😘😘

When Shane snapped it was not loud, it was not big, but it was impactful all the same. It came when a reporter implied that Shane should be grateful for being chosen by the Voyagers in the first place and that he let his pride get in the way of appreciating what he was given. Before his teammates could jump in and defend him Shane’s voice broke the disbelieving silence that followed. 

 

“I appreciate what I have been given plenty. I know I am lucky but that doesn’t mean letting people disrespect me.” Before the reporter can reply he continues. 

 

“I am lucky that I was born in a country that is as obsessed with hockey as I am. I am lucky that my mom was willing to drive me an hour to practice when I was younger because anyone closer didn’t know how to do their job, let other kids hurl slurs and insults like breathing air, or thought it was kindness to smash a kids dream because it was too unlikely for it to become true. I am lucky that my parents had the money and time needed for me to play and were happy to do so. I am lucky that my obsession with hockey survived and allowed me to ignore the hateful and disgusting remarks from even my own teammates. As much as being the best allowed me to get to the NHL it also breeds resentment and jealousy when you play with kids older than you because you are too good to play your own age. I am lucky that my lack of fights made me more palatable to the NHL and allowed me to be viewed as one of the top prospects.”

 

“If I had been born elsewhere, had parents who didn’t support me, just accepted that no one wanted me to play hockey professionally, or just had a more rebellious personality I wouldn’t be here today. Any one of these things wouldn’t be an issue if I was white, but saying so makes me a whinny bitch who can’t handle hockey. Meanwhile I get called triple the slurs my teammates do and still get called soft because I refuse to let their words affect me. I win a team two Stanley cups and a whole management team decided that I should just be grateful they decided to keep me even if they refuse to let me be the highest paid player on their team citing cap issues when they have one of the highest cap in the league with no plans to sign any other big players.” Shane pauses and gives a shaky laugh. 

 

“You know the worst part is I almost made myself believe that so was lucky they chose me? But looking back they called me a diversity hire from day one like they were trying to convince themselves they made the right choice. They probably just didn’t want the backlash of not choosing me but still looked down on me. I only got the C because they couldn’t give it to anyone else without rioting. I was great at PR and that’s it. Yeah I brought them too cups but apparently that wasn’t enough for them to ignore their racism. Now there are people calling me dramatic when I could have allowed my mom to sue so many people. She has wanted to but I convinced her not to because I didn’t want it to be a whole thing. Maybe I should let her now that it already is. I am sure there are a couple of reporters here whose company she would love to sue for defamation.”

 

“Also why not the NHL for providing a hostile work environment? Might as well because if this is how they treat the best how are they treating others? I wanted to keep quiet because I knew it was going to be like this. I was fine with the Voyagers because almost every team was like that growing up.  I thought that it was like that in the NHL as a whole. Now that I am with the Bears I know it isn’t true, but I still consider it mostly true. Hockey culture seemed to be intertwined with misogyny, racism, and toxicity that I didn’t think saying anything would do anything. Reporting anything my teammates said seemed pointless when the management made a comment about my mom before I even played a game with the Metros. Even if I had said something the hockey world wouldn’t have taken it seriously no matter how good my reputation.”

 

“So no, I don't think I was lucky to be specifically chosen by them. I would have been chosen by another team that would have been happier to take me than the Voyagers.” The silence after was devastating. The PR manager that had come with them quickly shuffled Shane off the stage, not allowing any other reporters to make the situation worse.

 

“Sorry.” Shane said once they were away from the cameras. 

 

“I am not mad with you. I was afraid that Cliff was going to punch that reporter and what you said was much preferable. Also nothing you said was too problematic.”

 

Shane didn’t know what to say to that but he spent the way back to his hotel room trying not to fall apart. He had just ruined his carefully constructed image in one night. All the work he and his mom did was down the drain no matter what the Bears’s PR manager thought. Though his mom had approved his relaxing of his image, this was too much; this wasn't just being coy. This was a complete shattering of his image. 

 

He sat there spiraling in his hotel room until Ilya let himself into his room. He didn’t know how long he sat there, it could have been minutes or it could have been hours. They had started giving each other their second card keys. While they didn’t have sex they could still spend time making out or cuddling without it making suspicious noises. They could just say they were watching a movie or reviewing the game or not need an excuse as the rest of the team was out at a bar. 

 

The first thing Ilya did as he entered the room was envelop Shane in a hug. The second thing was whisper in his ear.

 

“That was far hotter than it should be.” It immediately brought Shane out of his funk. 

 

“What?! Me publicly telling people how racist the hockey world is on public television after a reporter asked a racist question was hot?” Shane couldn’t keep the astonishment out of his voice.

 

“Yes very. Well, wanted to punch people but confidence was sexy.” Shane stared at him a minute before he let out a burst of bitter laughter. Of course Ilya found his break of character hot. Ilya pulled Shane into a kiss after, it was short and sweet. 

 

“We are lucky to have you. I am lucky to have you. I am very glad you made it to our team.” Ilya continued not letting Shane turn his head away. They break Shane’s no sex in hotel rule but Shane can’t bring it in him to care.

 

 

 

Hockeybuff:

 

John: So it finally happened!

 

Paul: No one was sure it would happen but no one was surprised.

 

John: I certainly was after all we heard be thrown at him I kind of thought that nothing would make him break his perfect media mask.

 

Paul: Not that it wasn't a valid thing to do.

 

John: I don’t think anyone blames Hollander for what he said there. It was a long time coming and the reporter is now banned from any Bears press and the company they work for hasn’t been invited to after game press for many teams. 

 

Paul: I know it was a known problem but it hits different when you hear personal accounts of racism. To hear someone so talented was so close to never being able to succeed for something he can’t control really brings the problem to light.

 

John: Wonder how this will change the course of hockey culture there has already been huge changes but now the attention is to the start of the issue the little leagues. If this type of behavior and attitude was disrupted and discouraged early on we most likely wouldn’t have such a big issue in the NHL.

 

Paul: Well now there are rumors of a NHL wide lawsuit from current and past POCs as well as prospects that felt that they were not picked due to their ethnicity. 

 

John: With what was uncovered about the old commissioner I would too, I wonder if this means Hollander will join in or I guess allow his mother to lead the charge. 

 

Paul: Times are changing and people need to learn that their actions have consequences some are more costly than others.

 

John: I don’t know why so many people do not understand the concept of keeping their opinions to themselves. Are these people too concussed to have any self preservation or common sense? 

 

Paul: I also don’t know John I think some of the players are too jealous to even think straight and hockey players aren’t exactly known for their smarts.

 

John: Being that stupid, saying racist things to the best player in the league, on live tv, after there has been backlash to the point of riots has to be illegal right. Being that stupid means you have to be a danger to at least yourself.

 

Paul: Maybe 

 

John: Let’s end this here I am still processing that a reporter, who doesn’t have the concussion history as an excuse, who is supposed to be a professional just killed their career with one question.

Chapter 25: Olympics

Chapter Notes

Sorry for delay personal reasons including my dog who will no longer put weight on a leg which two vet visits an a specialist remains undiagnosed besides probably neurological. She is better and on pain meds.

Anyway enough about my excuses, thank you for all the support! I do read and enjoy your comments despite my lack of responses to them!

Also I lack Olympic and hockey knowledge

Hockeybuff Podcast:

 

John: We need to talk about the let hockey be hockey movement. While we seem more progressive we just view it as logic. 

 

Paul: it is logical to try to keep one of the best players in the sport happy. It is logical to treat players fairly because even if only because it is the law to do so. We know hockey culture is different, we get it, but drinking away one of the best of the sport because of something he can’t control? That is stupidity. 

 

John: The thing that boggles my mind is that people in the movement will criticize these players for wanting to have a fair workplace and not be targeted because of the skin color and get offended when these opinions get them a toxic comment section on social media. So it is okay when it is them but they can’t take strangers online creating the exact thing these players are also trying to avoid?

 

Paul: I am not sure they have the awareness to realize how hypocritical they are, they just want to be right and don’t want progressive change. 

 

John: People are complaining that he didn’t need to join the lawsuit but what else is he supposed to do? Exposing what is said to him hasn’t done anything to prevent it. Yes the commissioner changed but there hasn’t been a replacement yet as they can’t decide. He has proven his worth but he gets nothing but jealousy.

 

Paul: And he was right that complaining would have done nothing but get him labeled as difficult. Apparently the Voyagers views were well known in the NHL and the commissioner was friends with the owners.

 

John: If anything we should be grateful he only focused on the NHL despite the undisclosed amount the new owners sent him he could probably topple the Voyagers completely with what he had to go through. He only joined the NHL one to help others and people were already criticizing him for causing all this when he did nothing but try to hide it.

 

Paul: He didn’t need to silently leave the Voyagers and leave people wondering if he was the problem. He didn’t need to keep quiet about the awful things that are said about him. He also didn’t need to put up with all the criticism and rude questions from the press when he has done nothing but prove himself.

 

John: Change was going to come eventually, that is the way the world is going and fighting the change to treat everyone with basic human decency is stupid. 

 

 

 

Shane didn’t scold Ilya for smoking for once. It was his first in months and he had a very good reason to be stressed enough to do so. 

 

“You should go.” Ilya didn’t even turn around. “Not safe.”

 

“We are teammates, we came over on the same plane and are publicly friendly. Also they have so much to deal with right now than a teammate comforting another who he indirectly caused to get disqualified from the Olympics.”

 

“You did not—“ Ilya turned around for a second before turning away to face the edge of the roof top again. He did not have the English to argue but that sentence was so wrong. He was finally able to get out after a minute, "Russia's  fault.”

 

“My leave from the Voyagers led to investigations that uncovered a lot of cheating and doping scandals. These caused the Olympic committee to be cautious and have more security around testing that caught over half your teammates who got you disqualified for lack of teammates needed to compete.” Shane said with regret in his voice. Olympics were a once in a lifetime thing for most hockey players. Their careers in general were typically very short, so he might have ruined Ilya’s only chance at competing in them. It was a minute before Ilya was able to find words.

 

“Russia planned to cheat, gotten caught later if not now.” Ilya took another drag of his cigarette. “Is just- we would have lost. Teammates didn’t like me being captain, just ignore me.” It sounded painful for him to admit. 

 

Shane wanted to say that wasn't true but couldn’t bring himself to. When Russia had announced their Olympic team it didn’t include a lot of players known for working together. They were more known for being the best fighters, which wasn't how you win the Olympics. If they actually listened to Ilya they would have a good chance of going far, but that didn’t matter now.

 

“I have green card.” It was something that Shane didn’t expect and didn’t understand why it was relevant to the conversation.

 

“I plan to become citizen. I can’t be both. Russia would view me a traitor and revoke my citizenship. This was… last chance to play for Russia.”

 

Shane didn’t know what to say to that. Was there anything to say to that? Yes Russia isn't the best country but it was still his home for his life and where his family was. Yet Ilya would not make this decision lightly so it must be important to him. 

 

“You are going to become an American?”

 

“Yes no longer safe. Was just in case but new law and you made it….” He trailed off not knowing the word.

 

“Necessary? Me?”

 

“Not here.” Ilya had already said more than he should. Ilya put out his cigarette. “Will talk after.” 

 

“Okay.” Shane wasn't going to try to pry when Ilya was in this state but stopped Ilya from leaving by holding his arm for a second. “But promise me you will think about talking to someone about all of this after this.”

 

Ilya barely gave a nod as he made his way off the roof. 

 

 

 

Hockeybuff Podcast:

 

John: I can’t believe this year.

 

Paul: I am with you, why has everyone decided to go insane.

 

John: So half of Russian players were disqualified removing Russia from Olympic contention from many sports, hockey being one of them. 

 

Paul: Rozanov was not part of the scandal despite some people’s expectations based on his dominance of the sport.

 

John: While he wasn't a part of it three other NHL athletes were part of it. This will probably lead to even more strict drug screenings for the NHL. 

 

Paul: So Russia decided to abuse their advantage of being the host country to try to allow their athletes to use performance enhancing drugs. Now their clean athletes can’t hold up their flag if they win anything.

 

John: They are lucky that all athletes weren’t immediately barred.

 

Paul: I feel as though we are going to see even more changes in sports because of this, not just hockey.

 

 

 

Shane couldn’t contain his worry for Ilya. He understood that they couldn’t really hang out together despite having a public appearance of friendly teammates. Ilya’s mental state that he was in despite being home was really concerning. Shane had gleaned that his home life wasn't the best but Ilya didn’t really call his Boston house his home. 

 

He also couldn’t help but overthink about how Ilya said that he made Ilya seeking citizenship necessary. Does that mean he is very serious about their relationship? They had gone on dates, hooked up on so many occasions he lost count, and enjoyed playing on the same team. Yet they hadn't gone too in depth with private details. Shane doesn’t know Ilya’s family situation besides it was bad and his mom was dead. Shane hadn’t pried about his mental health despite the clear signs and bad days. Most of Ilya's childhood knowledge came from Svetlana. 

 

He didn’t even have the time to reassure himself as he needed to focus on his own Olympic run. It was only his daily medication and some quick coping mechanisms that caused him to not fall apart or have a panic attack. He did his best to be a great captain and teammate while internally trying not to fall apart. 

 

What he thinks got him through to the gold medal, though barely, was the thought that Ilya would be disappointed if he didn’t give his best and the thought that if Ilya couldn’t win it he needed to win it for both of them. It was close, Hunter especially provided a greater challenge than usual. 

 

Standing on the podium didn’t provide as much happiness as he thought it would. He was happy, don’t get him wrong but not the ecstatic happiness a gold Olympic medal deserved.