Rating:

Teen And Up Audiences

Archive Warning:

No Archive Warnings Apply

Category:

M/M

Fandoms:

Heated Rivalry (TV), Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid

Relationships:

Shane Hollander/Ilya Rozanov, Shane Hollander & Hayden Pike, Hayden Pike & Ilya Rozanov, Shane Hollander & Ruby Pike, Shane Hollander & Jade Pike, Shane Hollander & Arthur Pike, Shane Hollander & Amber Pike

Characters:

Shane Hollander, Ilya Rozanov, Hayden Pike, Jackie Pike, Amber Pike, Ruby Pike, Arthur Pike, Jade Pike, Scott Hunter (Game Changers), Cliff Marlow | Cliff Marleau, Carter Vaughn

Additional Tags:

Bodyswap, POV Hayden Pike, Shane Hollander & Hayden Pike Friendship, 2017 MLH All-Star Weekend in Tampa Bay (Game Changers), Episode: s01e05 I'll Believe in Anything (Heated Rivalry), POV Shane Hollander, but that's later, Hayden Pike & Ilya Rozanov Friendship, but they don't know they're befriending each other, Texting, very mild angst, but hayden doesn't have enough context to know there's angst, also weird sexuality stuff, like when you swap bodies... you experience the world the way the other person does, Does that make sense?, hayden feels gay basically, and shane feels straight!, Trigger Warning: Heterosexual Shane, briefly dw, Abuse of italics, and em dashes, check my past works I AM NOT using AI because of the em dashes, I've been abusing em dashes since 2017, don't cite the deep magic to me i was there when it was written, you’ve heard of a fix it fic? This is a make it worse fic, But it gets better too swearsies, Ilya Rozanov Needs A Hug, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Happy Ending, Miscommunication, Hayden Pike Finds Out About Shane Hollander/Ilya Rozanov, POV Outsider

Language:

English

Collections:

Hollanovfics, Split my soul worthy fics, Zulie's Best of Heated Rivalry, Heated Rivalry

Stats:

Published: 2026-03-05 Completed: 2026-06-05 Words: 46,680 Chapters: 7/7

my grass is greener than yours

Summary

“So. That’s it? Those are the rules?” Hayden asked. “Don’t go through your texts or photos, keep up with your workouts and diet, and listen to everything Yuna says, without question.”

Shane seemed to be thinking about it, pausing a second. All of a sudden, he looked up at Hayden, again with that intense anxiety face.

“And most importantly, do not talk to Ilya Rozanov. Ever. No matter what.” Shane said, “Avoid him. Don’t even look at him. OK?”

Hayden nodded, and resisted the urge to roll his eyes. Like he even needed to be told that. Besides, Shane had been avoiding Ilya Rozanov for his entire career. How hard could it be?

OR a well-meaning witch bodyswaps Shane and Hayden (to teach them about the power of friendship) the day before the 2017 All Stars Game.

Notes

So the gay hockey show pulled me out of my over a year and a half long writer's block!

Just to get this out of the way... I didn't so much 'write' this fic. More like this fic was extracted from my body by some primordial being whom I wronged in a previous life.

I'll set the scene: Three weeks ago, sitting in my car before work, a vision flashed before my eyes. Just an excerpt. This is what ended up being the summary for this fic. I pretty much wrote this fic, purely based on the concept of shane+hayden bodyswapping, Shane being like don't talk to Ilya, Hayden being like puh lease, easy! Then, as it turns out, it is not easy!

So you might think I'm exaggerating. Well, the visions didn't stop. My workplace just got a new system that basically cuts down our workload by 50%, so I have a lot of downtime now, which is mostly spent staring at walls, and thinking about the plot of this fic, over and over and over. I am plagued by this fic.

However, I still did not write, because in addition to my full-time job, I have a part-time job, and am very stressed and busy.

AND THEN, a blizzard hit. A historic blizzard, the likes of which haven't been seen in over a decade. A blizzard so bad that my workplace ended up closing the following Monday. Now that may not seem like a huge deal, except my workplace does not close. It ought not to close! Wherever you are in the world, if you heard that this place had closed, you'd be like damn, I didn't even know they closed. So I took that as a sign and gave in to this eldritch entity, who tormented me with maladaptive daydreams day and night (I literally kept myself up for hours one night, going over the plot). I wrote.

Now, the week before, I expressed concern to my boss about the aforementioned blizzard, and she assured me that in her 15+ years of working there, they had NEVER, even once, been closed two days in a row.

AND THEN guess who didn't have work on Tuesday? MOI!

At this point, I wasn't even writing, like I wasn't in control of my hands; I felt like I was watching them type from outside my body.

AND. THEN... we closed on Wednesday, too. (This blizzard was really bad. We lost power, and I jumped off my roof into snow piles as tall as me, and my brakes were iced up, so I couldn't drive, which I found out the hard way by almost crashing my car.)

And so, late into the night, I write. All week I write. This fic, mind, body, and soul, bewitches me.

At this point, I've gone over the plot, the lines, everything, so many times that I actually don't even like it anymore. I'm very bored by it. So I apologise if it isn't very good, I did not write it to make something high quality, I wrote it so that I could finally have a good night's sleep.

Enjoy :)

Chapter 1

Hayden had been on bad dates before, but this was the baddest.

It’d been a while, obviously, ever since he met Jackie, every date he’d gone on was amazing, simply because she was there. It said something about how truly awful this was going, because even Jackie’s presence couldn’t salvage it.

“Sounds like a fun weekend!” Kelly gushed, she looked between Shane and Hayden.

Hayden chuckled, “Oh, no. Not for me.”

Jackie raised an eyebrow, and Hayden hastily continued, “Not that taking care of my beautiful children isn’t a great weekend. Of course. I mean, I’m just not going to the All Stars game.”

Jackie mouthed 'good save’.

“Oh,” Kelly said, “I thought you guys were taking a cruise?”

“Sister trip.” Jackie said, “I spend most of the year at home with the kids, while this one-” she gently poked Hayden’s knee with her toe underneath the table, “Plays games for a living. So, I get sister cruises.”

Kelly nodded appreciatively, “Well, it still sounds fun. What are the All Stars games like?”

And suddenly, attention is back on Shane.

Shane swallowed, looking between the three of them for a second before shrugging. “It’s just a game for charity. It’s not super serious… and we uh, play like skills games too.”

He managed to look up and make eye contact with Kelly a few times while he rambled, which was better than before.

“Well, you must be like, the best, if you’re going,” Kelly said, “and Jackie said you’re the captain!”

“Uh, I mean everyone on the team is great.” Shane said, “Someone’s got to be captain.”

Hayden scoffed, “He says this like he didn’t win the cup back to back.”

“I’m not the only one on the team.” Shane said, over his shoulder, only glancing at Hayden.

“You’re the captain.”

And what could Shane say to that? Nothing, apparently, so he doesn’t.

Hayden jumped in, ending the silence, “And no one’s as committed as you are. I mean running at five in the morning, barely eating anything that isn’t a lean protein, or a whole grain.”

Shane shot him a look, but before he could say anything back, Kelly jumped in.

“So, you train everyday?” Kelly asked Shane, leaning forward a little. If Hayden didn’t know any better, he’d say Shane actually leaned back away from her.

“Yep. Well, I run everyday, and switch between lifting and practice.” Shane said. He ended it with a tight lipped smile that looked painful.

“Wow. You must love the off season.” Kelly said, “When you can finally take a break.”

“I mean I still run when we’re not playing. And lift.” Shane said. “And I have my own rink.”

Hayden couldn’t watch much longer. Shane had never read a social cue a day in his life but this was painful.

The worst part of all of this, was that it was Hayden’s fault.

They hadn’t seen each other outside of practice in a while, and the kids missed him.

So Shane had come over to his house that afternoon, they played with the kids, gamed for a while, caught up. The usual. Jackie got home around six, and the babysitter arrived shortly after.

“You guys got a babysitter?” Shane said, as soon as the girl they’d hired had been pulled down the hall to the playroom by toddlers. She lived down the street from them and was eager to watch their demons, for now anyways.

“Yeah, I thought a night out would be good. For all of us.” Hayden said, putting on his shoes and not making eye contact with Shane.

As many terrible plans had been, this one was crafted with genuinely good intentions.

Shane was a borderline recluse. Ever since he and Rose broke up, he’d refused to come out with the team, only showing up at the occasional watch party or team dinner. He was the first one at practice, the last one to leave, and Hayden was pretty sure he went home and rewatched old games, or read books about hockey history, or player’s autobiographies.

Hockey. Hockey. Hockey.

And hey— Hayden loved hockey. He was also too invested in hockey, and certainly talked about it more than the average person.

But Shane talked about almost nothing besides hockey.

He refused to elaborate on his breakup with Rose, beyond: We’re still friends, it just didn’t work out between us. No hard feelings.

Which had to be a coping mechanism of some sort, because you don’t lose Rose freaking Landry and get over it in a week, especially not while you still talk to sometimes.

So Hayden really had no choice. He’d always imagined Shane following the same sort of trajectory in life as him.

Neither of them had really gone out clubbing, even when they were both single. Neither had much interest in hookups or one night stands. Being famous hockey players, they could have, if they really wanted to. Shane even more than Hayden. But they were more grounded. Cut from the same kind of cloth. Or at least, they were. Until, Hayden fell in love, settled down, had a small army of children. And Shane… continued as always. Borderline ignoring female attention at all costs.

So Hayden gave him little pushes. He met Jackie’s single friends, and her yoga instructor. Hayden slipped the barista Shane’s phone number, after they’d stopped in there for coffee and she clearly flirted with Shane as she took his order.

Nothing ever came of it.

So yes, Hayden had felt guilty when they arrived at the restaurant in downtown Montreal, especially when Shane started shooting him questioning looks. And he felt worse as they waited for their table, but it was for Shane’s own good.

Realisation set in on Shane’s face, when the hostess came back, “Pike, table for four.”

He didn’t say anything but he did shoot Hayden a scathing look.

As they were led to the table, Shane leaned in to whisper, “What the fuck? Who is coming?”

“Kelly. Jackie’s roommate from college. She’s a veterinarian, and doesn’t know a thing about hockey.” Hayden said out of the corner of his mouth.

“I don’t want—” Shane started, but cut himself off, because they’d arrived.

Kelly hadn’t gotten there yet, so the three of them sat down and just asked for water while they waited. When the waitress walked off, Jackie looked between Hayden and Shane. Her eyes narrowed.

“Hayden. Did you not tell him?” Jackie said.

“He wouldn’t have come!” Hayden said at the same time Shane snapped, “No, he did not tell me!”

“Jesus ch- Hayden.” Jackie said, “You can’t trick someone into a date.”

“It’s not a trick, it’s a surprise.” Hayden said to Jackie, before leaning over to Shane. “Just talk to her, see if there’s anything there. If you don’t feel it, you never have to see her again.”

“I told you, I’m not looking to date anyone right now.” Shane said.

“Ok, but you’re never looking to date someone, ever,” Hayden said, “And I figured you hadn’t talked to anyone since, you know. Rose. I’m just trying to get you back on the horse.”

“I want off the horse.” Shane said.

“Shhh, shut up.” Jackie stage whispered, as a woman, Kelly, Hayden assumed, walked up to the table.

She was perfect. Pretty, smart, soft spoken, but passionate about her own career and while she had never watched a full hockey game, she seemed more than willing to learn. Unfortunately, she was from Boston, like Jackie, meaning she was a Raiders fan by default (“What?” She’d said, “I like a parade, every once in a while.”), but Hayden tried not to hold that against her.

So why this was the driest, most boring, stale conversation Hayden had ever been a part of, was a mystery.

She liked cats, she hiked, she was thinking about joining a pottery class. Shane played hockey, worked out, then played more hockey.

After talking about the same thing for thirty minutes, they fell into a temporarily uncomfortable silence.

Jackie, of course, saved the day. “Have I shown you the twins’ school pictures?”

“Oh my gosh, no!” Kelly said, scooting her chair closer to Jackie, and leaning in while Jackie pulled out her phone.

“Dude.” Hayden leaned in, whispering to Shane as the girls chatted. “You’re fumbling.”

“I am not fumbling.” Shane said, through gritted teeth. “I’m not playing.”

Hayden was grateful for his children everyday, but especially today. It took half an hour to look through all their class pictures, which led them into how their first day of kindergarten had gone, and then which sports they would play next year when they started primary school.

Basically they covered all of dinner, meaning Hayden didn’t have to listen to his friend try and have a normal human conversation again.

When they made their way outside, it was still light out somehow, and Jackie insisted on showing Kelly the shopping center next to downtown, “You guys pull the car around? Meet us in twenty?”

“Sure thing.” Hayden said. Jackie and Kelly linked arms and started across the street to the stores.

Hayden turned on his heel as soon as they were out of earshot. “Ok ok. So you’re mad.”

“Mad?” Shane said.

“Ok, beyond mad.” Hayden said. “Furious?”

“Frustrated!” Shane exclaimed. “I just— how many times do I have to tell you: I don’t want a girlfriend, and I don’t want to be set up!”

“Yes, I know, I just… I’m worried about you.” Hayden said, “You don’t go out, you don’t talk to anyone outside the team, you don’t talk about anything besides hockey.”

“I like hockey.”

Hayden ignored that because, wow, Shane Hollander likes hockey. No fucking shit.

“It’s just — self-inflicted! You are handsome, talented, and rich! You are literally woman kryptonite.”

“It’s not that easy for me!” Shane said, and then snapped his mouth shut like he hadn’t meant to say it. “I mean, I can’t just… meet a girl…”

Hayden paused, waiting for Shane to pick up after he trailed off, before realising he was done. And oh right Hayden forgot. “Oh, because you’re so famous you don’t want to meet some common woman off the street? Movie stars only?”

“Shut up, you know that’s not what I meant.”

“Right, even the movie stars aren’t enough.”

“Not everyone gets the wife, the dog, the three and a half kids, and the picket fence.” Shane snapped.

“Well, your piles of money, and hockey pucks aren’t going to visit you in your retirement home.”

“Yeah, but my piles of money might buy me a live-in nurse to visit me in my mansion.”

Hayden scoffed at that, “You’re unbelievable, sorry for trying to not let you end up dying alone.”

“I’ve asked you to stop meddling like ten times!” Shane said, “I don’t want your help, and I don’t want your life!”

“Well, don’t worry, you will never know the suffering of a loving wife and children.” Hayden said, “You just stay locked up in your little cottage and never come out. It’s working out great so far, right?”

“You know what your problem is?”

“What? What’s my problem?”

“You—” Shane started, and then all but fell over, stumbling to catch himself and crashing into Hayden. They both ended up falling against the wall.

“Ooof!” Shane said, getting off the wall and looking around before spotting a very sorry looking old woman with a rolling suitcase.

“Oh my goodness!” She exclaimed, “I am so sorry! I wasn’t looking where I was going… are you alright?”

They were fine, they hadn’t even hit the floor. Although even knocking them over was actually pretty impressive.

“No, no.” Shane said, dusting the wall debris off his hands, “That’s what we get for taking up an entire sidewalk, and not paying attention.”

She gave him a smile, and it made her look years younger. Even with her thin grey hair, and laugh lines.

“Yeah, sorry about that, ma’am.” Hayden said, “We were, uh, distracted. Didn’t see you coming.”

“Hmm.” She looked between the two of them, “I’ve always found that I learn the best lessons, when I don’t see them coming.”

Hayden blinked. “Uh, yeah.”

“And being distracted by your own world, makes you blind to the millions of worlds around you. It’s a good way to hit one by accident.”

Hayden and Shane looked at each other for a second. Neither said a thing, because neither could come up with any sort of response.

“You boys have a good night!” She said, taking their silence as a response, readjusting her grip on her suitcase and rolling past them.

“Yeah. You too.” Shane muttered. Hayden half heartedly waved goodbye to her.

They stood in silence another moment. “I guess I should get the car.” Hayden said.

Shane shoved his hands in his pockets, “I’ll get the car, you go find Jackie.”

The drive home was quiet, beside Jackie and Kelly occasionally showing the other something on their phone. They dropped Kelly off at her hotel, before making their way back to the house, where Shane’s car was parked.

As they got out, Jackie turned to Shane, “Alright, so it wasn’t ideal, and I wish Hayden had given you heads up, but it was good! She liked you!”

Which was proof that Shane really was handsome, talented, and rich, because that was a terrible date.

“She did?” Shane said, a little incredulously. At least he was self aware.

“Well, she thought you were shy.” Jackie said, “But cute. She’d go out with you again, but she’s not coming back here anytime soon, so it’d have to be in Boston.”

Shane scoffed, “I appreciate that, Jackie, seriously. But I’m not looking to start a relationship. Especially a long distance one. Especially with someone from Boston.”

Jackie nodded. “I didn’t think you two were like soulmates or anything. Just thought going on your first date since the breakup would be good.”

“Yeah, it was good. Thanks, Jackie.” Shane said, “I should, uh, get home. Early morning.”

“Night.” Hayden said, and Jackie told him to drive safe. He gave them both thumbs up as he got in his car and drove away.

When he was gone, Jackie started towards the house, and without turning around, said, “So he’s really pissed at you?”

“So pissed.”

“Well, it was kind of shitty.” Jackie said.

“Hey!” Hayden said, “It was— ok, not my best idea.”

They got to the front door, and Jackie gave him a sympathetic look, “You two will be fine, don’t sweat.”

“He was really mad.” Hayden said.

“You’re like brothers, he’ll come around.” Jackie said, opening the door and stepping inside, “As long as you let it go, seriously. Stop with the set ups, it’s starting to drive me a little crazy.”

“Heard.” Hayden said, hands up in surrender. “I am never meddling in that motherfuckers love life, ever, ever, again. Consider that lesson learned.”

“Good.” She said, turning around and pressing a quick kiss to his lips, “Swear jar.”

“Oh sh—I mean, man. Oh man.” Hayden said weakly.

The babysitter was some sort of miracle worker, because when they got all the way inside, all of the children were asleep, tucked into bed, except the baby who is sitting very happily on her lap as they watch Teletubbies.

She is thanked and tipped, generously.

“To be honest, I didn’t think the distance would be an issue for him.” Jackie said, swaddling the baby and setting her down in the crib. Hayden finished putting the last of the toys that littered the room away.

“Huh?” Hayden said, “Why?”

“I mean he dated that girl from Boston for a while?” Jackie said.

“Oh yeah,” Hayden said. He’s forgotten about Lily. “Well, clearly they didn’t work out. Maybe he’s sworn it off. The way he’s sworn dating in general off.”

“Alright, Cupid.” Jackie said, “No more meddling. I’m tired, let’s go to bed.”

The night left both of them exhausted, so they all but fell into their bed. Before he nods off, Jackie’s hand finds his, and she gives it a squeeze. “I know you’re just trying to help.”

“Yeah.” Hayden said, “But I’m not very good at it.”

“Mmmh, no. But you are trying.”

—

Hayden woke up to an alarm. Well, woke up is a strong word. He briefly regained consciousness, looked around, saw it was pitch black out, and promptly whacked his phone with the palm of his hand till it stopped making noise.

He actually woke up to sunlight streaming across his face, and his phone making an irritating buzzing noise, that wasn’t an alarm.

He whacked at it some more, until he saw it was a phone call, and blearily accepted.

“Hayden?” Someone said through the speaker. It sounded really familiar, but he couldn’t place it. Thankfully, his brain was coming back online slowly.

“Mmhyeah.” Hayden said, in a voice that was not his.

His eyes snapped open, and he looked at his phone. ‘Hayden’ was written in the contact line of the call.

“Hey, uh. Who is that?” Hayden said, fumbling to get out from under the covers and snatch the phone up with his hands.

“Shane.” Said Shane, apparently.

“That’s not…” Hayden looked around and noticed a few very important things. 1. Jackie was not here. Her side of the bed was not only cold, but pretty much untouched. 2. He was not in his room. He was in a very clean, minimalistic, bedroom that could be mistaken for an staged IKEA showroom. 3. He didn’t hear anything. The house he was in was… quiet. Not quiet. Silent. No TV, no children, no bickering.

“Ok.” Hayden said, “What the fuck.”

“What the fuck?” Shane exclaimed, “Where the fuck have you been? I’ve been calling you!”

“I didn’t… I- I just woke up!”

“But I wake up at five every morning! I have alarms!”

“I’m not you!” Hayden snapped, throwing the covers off of his legs and standing.

“Are you sure about that?” Shane said, “Go look in a mirror.”

And so, Hayden did. Then he jumped back, and out of the way of the mirror so he couldn’t see. Then he slowly leaned back in, catching just a glimpse of the side of his face.

Well, the side of a face. Shane’s face.

“I don’t.” Hayden’s brain malfunctioned as he tried to string words together. “I don’t understand. This isn’t… that’s not funny.”

“Am I laughing?” Shane said.

“So, what?” Hayden said, “I’m you? And that means… hey! Are you me?”

“Yes!” Shane said, “I woke up in bed with freaking Jackie!”

And that made Hayden’s stomach turn, “Wait, hold on. You what?”

“I don’t mean, Jesus, I mean she was there. When I woke up.” Shane said, “I got up before her.”

“Oh. OK.”

“And I started calling you hours ago.” Shane said.

“Well, I’m sorry. I was asleep.” Hayden grumbled, “And I didn’t realise we’d been… that we’re.”

“Bodyswapped.” Shane supplied.

“I mean, yeah, I guess!” Hayden said, “Bodyswapped. Ugh, what the fuck.”

“Alright. I mean, we just need to, um…” Shane started, and then went nowhere with it. Hayden could hear him attempting to make a plan, identify the next steps, and start doing something. To fix this.

But unfortunately, this was outside of the realm of problems either of them had ever even considered dealing with. Even Shane didn’t know what to do.

“We should meet up.” Hayden said, “In person.”

“Oh. Ok.” Shane said, “Yeah, that’s— oh, shit I need to leave.”

“Leave?” Hayden said.

“I mean, you need to leave. Shane Hollander needs to leave. Soon.” Shane said, “For the All Stars game?”

Oh right. The All Stars game that Shane Hollander would need to compete in, and presumably dominate. The games that Hayden had never been invited to, because, as great as he was at hockey, he wasn’t Shane.

“Fine, OK. Come here.” Hayden said, “We can get everything ready, and um. Figure out what the plan is.”

“Great idea, except I have a gaggle of children to look after.” Shane said.

“Bring them!” Hayden said, “They love Uncle Shane, it’ll be like a field trip.”

Shane paused for a second. “Ok. Yeah. Well, I’ll um head over soon. Don’t look at anything on my phone. Or in my drawers. Maybe just watch TV.”

Hayden ignored how weird and ominous that was, because you get kind of used to that after years of knowing Shane. He was sort of an ominous guy.

So Hayden went to the kitchen, found a whole lot of ingredients, and not a lot of ready to eat food. He gave up and grabbed a banana.

Maybe that was Shane’s secret. If Hayden had to cook an entire meal every time he was hungry, he’d eat less too.

He settled in front of the TV, which was huge. The couch he’d plopped on was comfy as fuck, and the banana was actually very tasty.

He scrolled through channels until he found a Grey’s Anatomy rerun, and jackpot. Jackie had put him onto Grey’s years ago, although they both agreed it had run it’s course and should do itself and everyone else a favor, and end. But the early seasons? Gold.

He’s so invested in Izzy, and whether or not she’ll tell anyone else that she has cancer, he actually misses the knock on the door.

He heard it the second time, but when the door swung open and he’s met with a very annoyed version of his own face, he froze and barely even looked at his kids, who barrel through the door.

“Uncle Shane! Uncle Shane!” Ruby said. She’d kicked her shoes off in record time, and was already jumping on the couch.

“Don’t jump.” Hayden said, absentmindedly. He was sort of stuck staring straight ahead.

It was his face. Obviously. But it was so clearly a Shane expression. He’d never seen his own face move like that, or hold itself like that.

“Sorry, Uncle Shane.” Ruby said, and she jumped off, only to immediately start chasing Jade around.

Shane snapped out of it first. He started to move towards the door, and Hayden got out of his way, blinking to himself for a second.

“Alright um.” Shane looked around. There were children running amok, throughout his very polished, fancy, and expensive apartment. Hayden had always had Shane come over to his house for many reasons, but in no small part because he wasn’t sure he could afford the property damage his children might cause.

Hayden clapped his hands. “Ok, who wants to watch TV!”

The kids squealed, and were all of a sudden very easy to steer into the main room, and onto the couch.

“And what goes on the couch?” Hayden asked.

“Butts.” Ruby answered dutifully.

“And what doesn’t go on the couch?”

“Feets!” Jade supplied.

Hayden shrugged, “Close enough!”

He put on Frozen because he really needed them to stay put, and joined Shane in the kitchen.

Hayden had seen Shane look stressed out. Probably more than he’d seen him look relaxed. But it was weird to see the tight lipped, slightly bugged out, face he was making now, with his own features.

Shane looked up from where he’d been standing as Hayden approached.

Hayden hesitantly reached over and touched Shane’s hand… or his own hand… with Shane’s hand. Which was currently Hayden’s hand. He paused there a second, Shane looked down at their hands then back up to Hayden.

Nothing happened when they touched, and Hayden pulled back and sighed. “Worth a shot.”

“What are you even doing?” Shane said.

“I thought, if we like, touched. It might just revert.” Hayden said, “I don’t know. Not really sure what the procedure is.”

“Why would— you know what, nevermind.” Shane said. “What the hell are we supposed to… do!?”

“I mean. Uh. Keep going like normal?” Hayden said. “What else can we do?”

“I can’t be a father!” Shane exclaimed, “I spent all morning being terrible at it!”

Hayden did not tell Shane about his own morning, which had actually been quiet and relaxing.

“Well, the kids are gonna think it’s weird if ‘Uncle Shane’ starts acting like their dad, and I think people will notice if ‘I’ show up for the All Stars game.”

“Fuck… fuck.” Shane muttered to himself, bracing his arms against the counter. “I mean, how are you going to compete?”

Hayden tried not to take offense to that, because yeah. Hayden was not as good at hockey as Shane was. But Shane usually didn’t point that out.

Hayden shrugged, “I mean, it’s still your body. Maybe it’s all like muscle memory.”

Shane looked up at that, looking a few degrees less stressed. “Yeah… that could… that’s true.”

Hayden looked behind him, where his children were stuck in place staring at the screen, unblinking.

“Hey, you’ve got a rink here.” Hayden said, “Let’s do a few laps, see if I need to call out sick or something.”

Shane nodded, and let out a deep breath. “Alright.”

Shane had a few old pairs of skates lying around, Hayden had borrowed them before, when they’d wanted to fuck around on the polymer plastic rink. He almost walked to the closet in the back to grab a pair, when Shane grabbed his elbow and pulled him back.

“Use mine.” Shane said, holding up his skates, “We need to see if you’re used to them.”

“Right.”

Hayden put them on in somewhat of a daze. They didn’t bother with putting on all their gear so Hayden was in sweats, a t-shirt, and ice skates.

He paused, before the opening. His plan was good. See what they were working with, and adjust accordingly. But what if he sucked? If he still wasn’t as good as Shane.

Nausea rolled through his stomach, and he was only pulled out of his own head by Shane’s hand on his shoulder.

“You ready?” Shane said, starting to get on the ice already.

“Huh? Yeah.” Hayden said, following him like he hadn’t hesitated at all.

The first step was awkward. Hayden wasn’t sure if it was the fake rink, or new skates, or the new body.

Hayden cringed as his other foot followed, and then he stepped off. His mind ran through all of the worst things that could happen: he falls and breaks Shane’s arm, he sucks at skating and has to pretend he’s sick, he actually tries to go to the game… and is so bad that when they eventually fix this mess, Shane has to retire out of embarrassment.

“Relax, dude.” Shane said, and Hayden looked up at him.

He looked… okay. Comfortable on the ice at least.

“It’s not that bad.” Shane said. “Definitely… different. But uh, I think you were right about the muscle memory thing.”

Hayden put all of his energy into relaxing. He knew how to skate, just… skate.

So off he was. He lapped the rink once, then twice. On the third, he started picking up speed, and even flipped around, and went around again, backwards.

A laugh busted out of his mouth unconsciously, “Holy shit.”

Shane stayed in the middle of the rink, sort of shuffling back and forth, turning to watch Hayden do laps.

“Is this what you feel like all the time?” Hayden said. He yelled it, not stopping to look at Shane, or even really turning towards him.

“I guess!” Shane called back, still a blur to Hayden.

“Holy shit!” Hayden exclaimed, he felt like he was flying, like he was unstoppable. No wonder this bitch only even wanted to talk about hockey— this was like drugs.

He went around a few more times, before gliding to a stop. Except he didn’t even have to think about stopping, or where he wanted to stop, or how fast he stopped. It was like he knew the exact right speed to go, and he knew where everything on the rink was.

Shane smiled, “So, you can skate.”

“I wasn’t afraid I couldn’t skate.” Hayden rolled his eyes, “I was afraid I couldn’t skate like you.”

Shane scoffed, “Well, you can. So now you just need to… go there.”

Hayden saw the realization on his face. Hayden would actually be going to All Stars, as Shane, and would have to interact with a whole lot of people, as Shane.

“Well, you’ve got like an hour to tell me everything I have to know, to be Shane Hollander.” Hayden looked at the watch on his wrist, which— was a Rolex. Fucking awesome. He looked back up at Shane. “Go.”

Turns out, there was a lot to know. Hayden had to stick with Shane’s workout routine, his diet, and sleep schedule. All of which were laid out in detail in his phone’s notes and calendar. Shane showed him the specific apps, when he looked up at Hayden with wide eyes. “Oh. And don’t go into my texts. Except for my moms. Just do whatever my mom tells you to do. Don’t question it. And photos. Don’t look at any photos.”

“Okay.” Hayden said, not commenting on how weird that was. Again, ominous guy.

“And uh, all of your outfits are laid out. So you don’t have to dress yourself.”

“My outfits?” Hayden said, and he finally looked over at where Shane was packing bags. Sure enough, there were a couple bags on hangers. He could only see the one on top, but it was labeled ‘Friday Night’.

“Yeah, I mean,” Shane ran a hand through his hair. “I, um. I got a stylist.”

Hayden’s eyebrows involuntarily rose. He’s pretty sure they touched his hairline.

“You?” Hayden said, “A stylist?”

“Well, it’s not my strong suit.” Shane said. “And everyone’s been taking pictures of me, like all the time. Because, you know.”

Hayden did know. News of Shane and Rose’s break up hadn’t been officially announced yet, so he was still getting occasionally bombarded by paparazzi. Plus, fans approaching him in public. Rose’s fans, Hayden noted. Not that Shane wasn’t famous, but Rose was famous famous. In cities other than Montreal.

If anything, having designated clothes to wear was one less thing Hayden had to worry about, so he dropped it without teasing. Well. He shot Shane a look, and Shane scoffed. “Fuck off.”

“So. That’s it? Those are the rules?” Hayden asked. “Don’t go through your texts or photos, keep up with your workouts and diet, listen to everything Yuna says, without question.”

Shane seemed to be thinking about it, as he paused a second. All of a sudden, he looked up at Hayden, again with that intense anxiety face.

“And most importantly, do not talk to Ilya Rozanov. Ever. No matter what.” Shane said, “Avoid him. Don’t even look at him. OK?”

Hayden nodded, and resisted the urge to roll his eyes. Like he even needed to be told that. Besides, Shane had been avoiding Ilya Rozanov for his entire career. How hard could it be?

“Alright, rules for me?” Shane said, closing his suitcase, and sitting on the edge of his bed.

“Rules?” Hayden said, “I mean, you’re just gonna be at home. I don’t know. Play with the kids. Don’t burn the house down.”

“OK, man.” Shane said, and then all of a sudden Hayden jumped up from where he’d been sitting.

“Do not have sex with Jackie!” Hayden said, “That’s a rule. No sex with my wife.”

Shane’s face crinkled up in a wince, “Oh, ew man. Yeah, duh.”

“Well, it’s harder than you might think.” Hayden said, “We’re both very—”

“Ok! Ok!” Shane said, and he slapped his hands over his ears. “I know! You’ve got a million children.”

“Well my rules are: no sex with my wife, be a good father and husband— except no sex with my wife, so be a mediocre husband.” Hayden thought about it another moment. “That’s all I got.”

“I think I can handle that.” Shane said, “She left this morning anyway. By the time she gets back, you’ll be back from All Stars, and we’ll have figured this whole thing out.”

Hayden nodded, like he completely agreed that it would be that easy.

Upstairs, Hayden stood by the door, one hand on his suitcase, watching his kids put their shoes on.

“Ok, kids.” Hayden said. The car Shane had hired to take him to the airport arrived at the end of his driveway. “Be good for… your father.”

“Have fun, Uncle Shane!” Ruby said, giving his leg a hug. Hayden messed up her hair, and she pulled away squealing.

“Good luck, Uncle Shane!” Jade said, from the floor, while she struggled with her velcro shoes.

Hayden turned away quickly. He rubbed the tears out his eyes as he made his way down the driveway, which thankfully, was long as fuck.

When he got in the car, he took one look over his shoulder, and saw Shane… well Hayden standing in the doorway, waving to him, his kids at his feet.

Hayden shut the door behind him, with a grimace. This was gonna be a long weekend.

Chapter 2

Chapter Notes

Hayden had never been to an All Stars game, which he had made peace with a long time ago. However, he was pretty sure this was not the standard All Stars experience.

He’d arrived Friday afternoon, with a hood pulled over his head, and sunglasses covering a third of his face. He managed to get all the way to the reception desk without talking to anyone. He was so good at this. He was better at being Shane than Shane was.

“Okie dokie, your room is all set, I’m just gonna need to see some ID and uh… take off the sunglasses and hoodie for a moment?”

Hayden looked around, “Oh uh. Is that…do I need to?”

She shrugged apologetically, “Hotel policy, we’d hate to let someone besides you into your room by accident.”

Which is exactly what they were doing, but whatever.

He pulled his hoodie back, took off the sunglasses, and looked up at her expectantly.

“ID?” She asked.

And, oh shit— where did Shane keep that? He pulled his wallet out of his back pocket and thumbed through the cards, till he found it, and held it up.

She barely glanced at it, before turning back to her computer, typing something quickly, and then shooting him a beaming smile. “All set sweetheart, good luck at your game!”

He shoved his sunglasses in his back pocket with one hand, while trying to hold his wallet and ID with the other. He struggled for a moment, before realising he was struggling in front of the desk, and there were people behind him. He gave them an apologetic look, and pulled his suitcase out of the way with one hand.

Once off to the side, he managed to get his card back in, and then threw the wallet in his bag. Now all he had to do was cover his face and get back to his room, and everything would be—

“Hollander?” A booming voice from across the lobby called out. Hayden froze in place. “Is that Shane Hollander?”

Moments later two huge hands were clapped over each of his shoulders. “Are you ready? Or are you READY?”

Hayden turned around to find the very excitable Carter Vaughn. He was tailed by a much more mild, and slightly apologetic Scott Hunter.

“Sorry about him.” Hunter said, coming up around the other side, “He’s still being house trained.”

“Ahh!” Vaughn cried out, “I can’t be trained!”

Hunter gave Hayden a look that said, yeah, we noticed.

“Well, I’m ready!” Hayden said, as enthusiastically as he could manage. Hopefully not looking extremely nervous, which he was.

“We’re gonna crush them this year, kid.” Hunter said, and he started to make his way through the lobby to the elevator, Hayden followed him. “I mean, we’re gonna crush them, Captain.”

“Ha, ha.” Hayden said, “This isn’t the playoffs, we don’t have to crush anyone.”

“But we’re gonna anyway!” Vaughn exclaimed, jumping up and down like he couldn’t hold still.

“I mean, great team,” Hunter said, gesturing between the three of them. “Plus, we got Kresler and McDavid.”

Hayden nodded, realising he hadn’t actually paid that much attention to the All Stars game, because he wasn’t going, and it was just for charity. He didn’t actually know who’d be here.

Carter, finally having stopped jumping, said, “Plus, and I hate to say it, Rozanov.”

Hunter chuckled, “Yeah, him too. This is the first time you guys are playing together, huh?”

Hayden paused. Well, that might be a problem. “Uhhhh. Yeah. They usually like to… you know, put us on different teams. Cause of… that whole thing.”

“You think he’ll be okay playing wing?” Carter jumped in.

Hayden involuntarily rolled his eyes. “I think he’ll live. As long as he’s not a primadonna about it, I think we’ve got a great chance at crushing them.”

Fortunately, Hunter and Vaughn are staying on a different floor. They say bye as they make their way to their own rooms, but right before the elevator door is completely shut, he heard Vaugh call out to him. “See you tonight, Hollander!”

Tonight? What’s tonight?

Hayden found his own room quickly, shoved his suitcase in a corner and sat down on the bed.

10:49AM
Whats happening tonight?

Hayden - 10:52AM
you mean with the kids?

10:52AM
No!!
I mean with all stars
Do I have to go somewhere?

Hayden - 10:55AM
ooooh
yeah sorry
there’s like a welcome party, its dumb
you have to make an appearance I guess, but I leave after like half an hour
so it wouldn’t be weird if you left early

10:56AM
You didnt tell me there were parties at this thing

Hayden - 11:01AM
why do you think I hate them sm
there should be an outfit for it

Hayden silently said bless you to Shane for getting a freaking stylist, because if he needed to put together an outfit right now, he’d lose his mind.

11:05AM
Okokok
This is fine
How are the kids

Hayden - 11:08AM
they're good
I feel bad i pretty much just turned on a movie and watch them watch it

11:10AM
Thats half of being a parent
Well except u watch them watch the same movie 3000 times
So u have that to look forward to

Hayden - 11:12AM
you’re really selling this whole fatherhood thing

11:15AM
I keep it real

Hayden pulled himself back and laid down on the bed. He had seven hours until he had to be anywhere or do anything. He had… nothing to do.

Yuna had called him right before he boarded his plane. She’d made his schedule around the game, so he won’t have to go anywhere or take any calls while he’s there. She asked for his input on a few sponsorship things, and he tried to think of what Shane would want, but it sort of went in one ear, and out the other.

He must’ve done alright though. Yuna didn’t say anything, just wished him good luck, and told him she loved him. Loveliest call he’d ever had with an agent.

He watched some more Grey’s reruns, then found a cooking show where celebrities were competing blindfolded. When he got bored of that, he took out Shane’s phone and without thinking about it, opened messages.

It was a force of habit. Open phone, look at messages. He was human, ok?

And if he scanned the first couple words of some of Shane’s texts, so what? What could Shane possibly be texting people about? Hockey? Sponsorships?

He scrolled down, further and further, scanning the contact names. He scrolled for a minute straight. No dice.

This was not meddling, this was snooping. It was different. He didn’t plan to actually do anything with Lily’s contact information, he just wanted info.

It didn’t matter either way, because it looked like Shane had deleted their text threads. Bad sign.

It was time to get ready for this stupid party anyway. Hayden plugged his phone in, pulled the designated outfit bag from his suitcase, and started the shower.

He had not thought this far ahead. Showering was… a difficult task. Hayden kept his eyes straight ahead, only cleaning his arms and upper body, and letting the water run down and hopefully clean the rest. Not his most thorough shower, but he drew the line at washing Shane’s dick.

After the shortest, most half-assed shower that Hayden had ever taken, he quickly jumped out, and put on Shane’s fancy new clothes. He turned around a few times, checking himself out in the mirror. Well, hey. This stylist was onto something, Shane looked great!

He paused for a moment, hyping himself up, when he realised he had not gone to a party with no curfew, and no responsibilities since he was twenty one. No wife to text, no children to worry about. Not that he didn’t love them, and want them, but the temporary freedom was a little exhilarating.

So the grin on his face as he stepped into the hotel’s ballroom was 100% real. As he surveyed the crowd, he recognized most faces right away, others looked familiar but were usually somewhat covered with a helmut or facial hair.

He didn’t have to look around too long, because after a few moments, someone called out, “Hollander!”

Hayden’s brain lagged for a second, before he realised, that’s him.

Scott Hunter was across the room, at a table nearest to the bar, surrounded by players. His team, Hayden realised. Or what would be his team for the next few days.

As Hayden made his way over, he was stopped by no less than three people. One who just recognized him and wanted to say hi, and two congratulating him on the cups, and asking him questions he didn’t have the answer to.

“It was a total team effort!” Is what Hayden landed on, “It’s never just one player, or one goal. Couldn’t have done it without them!”

Which is such a standard Hollander line, no one batted an eye.

By the time Hayden made it to the table, Hunter was giving him an understanding look, “Didn’t want to lose you to the crowd.”

“Almost did.” Hayden said, and even sitting down, he could feel everyone’s eyes on him.

Hayden ignored the bustling behind him, and focused on the table.

There was Hunter, obviously. And where he was, Vaughn was. Beside them, sat Weber, Matthews, and Marleau. They were missing plenty of people, but just this group inspired confidence in their chances tomorrow.

Hayden had been nervous about this part, talking to people. He was generally more sociable than Shane, but so was a brick wall. It’d be weird if he was good at talking to people all of a sudden. But, then again, Hayden didn’t want to make Shane look bad.

Thankfully, they pretty much only wanted to talk about hockey, which Hayden was more than capable of, and Shane would be eager to do.

“It’s hard to know what we’re going into, since we’ve never played this combination of players before.” Hunter said, and Vaugh nodded.

“But they’ve never played us all, either?” Marleau interjected, “And they’ve never played with each other.”

“We’ve never played with each other.” Hayden said, before he could think better of it. Shane probably would’ve given them a pep talk about teamwork or something.

No one seemed to notice though, instead Vaughn clapped a hand on his shoulder, leaning across the table, “Who cares? We’ve got Hollander and Rozanov!”

Marleau nodded and that, and Hunter shot him a grin. Well jeez. No pressure.

“Where is Rozanov?” Hunter said, “I’ve barely been heckled all night.”

Marleau shrugged, “Who knows? Lost him hours ago.”

“Well, he better be ready for tomorrow.” Hunter said, “Tell him to lay off tonight?”

“Yeah, that’ll go over well.” Marleau said, “Besides, he plays better hungover.”

Hayden listened to the exchange but didn’t chime in. Shane’s thing with Rozanov was weird as fuck, and Hayden wouldn’t pretend to understand it for a second. He wasn’t so shocked Rozanov was keeping their stupid manufactured dick measuring contest alive, but it seemed like Shane was just as invested.

They moved on, or well they moved back to hockey, which Hayden was much more comfortable with. It was actually pretty cool to be surrounded by the best of the best, and hearing what they thought about different players, and teams. He felt a little bit like an imposter, because he was 100% an imposter. But still.

“Nah, he’s out for the season.” Marleau said, leaning back in his chair. They were talking about a rookie who may have just torn his ACL. “No coming back from that.”

“Wishful thinking,” Hunter said, “He’ll be back, just in time to destroy you guys in Pittsburg.”

Marleau flipped him the bird, when suddenly two hands came down on both of his shoulders, startling him so badly, he almost fell backwards.

“Is this the wake for Scott Hunter?” Ilya Rozanov said, from behind Marleau, “Am I late?”

“Oh, good.” Hunter said, taking another sip of his drink. “We found Roz.”

“Oh, my god. You are alive.” Rozanov said, with an exaggerated gasp. “Is miracle.”

“Sit the fuck down,” Marleau said, pulling out the chair next to him. Rozanov plopped down, scanning his eyes across the table, Hayden swallowed hard when they passed over him. All of a sudden, he felt… weird. Like he was sweating. Hayden grabbed his own drink, which was freaking ginger ale, and took a swig.

“Like you’d be invited to my wake.” Hunter muttered.

“I could not go, anyways,” Rozanov said, leaning back in his chair, and getting the waitress's attention, before turning back to the table with a grin. “I am busy next weekend.”

The waitress came over and while Rozanov ordered his own drink, they picked up their earlier conversation. Which teams were looking good for the cup, which players had stood out so far. Many of them were in the room with them.

When Rozanov turned back to the table, drink in hand, he groaned. “Oh my god. Hockey, hockey, hockey. Is this all you people talk about?”

“It’s sort of relevant.” Hunter said, “Since we’re hockey players, at a special weekend long hockey event.”

Rozanov groaned again, he put his head on the table dramatically.

“Fine,” Vaughn said, and Hayden could tell he’d been getting tired of the hockey too, “What do you want to talk about, Roz?”

Rozanov’s head popped back up, “Well, where we are going after this, for starters.”

“After this?” Hayden said, without thinking. Drawing the entire table’s attention to him. Including Rozanov’s.

And of course, this arrogant, conceited asshole wouldn’t want to talk about hockey. All Shane did was eat, sleep, and breathe hockey. All day, every day. And this guy couldn’t stand five minutes of it? Hayden could feel his blood pressure go up by the second.

Because Rozanov, like all of them, owed his life to hockey. It was the thing that gave him all his ridiculous sports cars, and, Hayden assumed, multiple houses. It’s what kept him dressed up in his beautiful shirts, like the one he was wearing now. It fit his shoulders perfectly, the way it fell left his neck clearly visible, and Hayden could see his Adam’s apple move. It brought out the color of his eyes and—

Uh.

Hold on.

Hayden genuinely felt the room around him go silent, as he tried to work out what the fuck he had just been thinking about.

Ok. So, wait.

Um.

Did he want to fuck Ilya Rozanov??

Why the fuck, did he want to fuck Ilya Rozanov???

Hayden blinked again, and he hoped it had only been a few seconds that his entire brain lagged, because Ilya Rozanov, who he apparently wanted to have sex with, was still sitting in front of him.

“After this, like after party?” Rozanov said condescendingly, “You would not know about this, because you do not usually go to before party.”

Hayden scoffed, and rolled his eyes. Good, at least he was still very annoyed by Rozanov.

“What’s wrong with staying here?” Hunter said.

“Well, every girl here is player’s girlfriend,” Rozanov started, “Or their wife, or mom, or daughter. I asked.”

Marleau chuckled, “Having trouble pulling?”

Rozanov shot him an outraged look, “I could pull, I am just not trying to fight a hockey player until we get on ice.”

“I’m in.” Vaughn said, and Hunter gave him a look. “What? I’ll be good.”

“Sure,” Hunter said, “I’m out.”

“Oh, no.” Rozanov said, hand over his heart. “This is shocking.”

“I’ll come with, but I’m not staying.” Marleau said, “I’m not trying to get sucked into your weird shit again, learned that lesson.”

“How is the laser removal going, by the way?” Rozanov said, and he sounded like he was genuinely asking.

“It fucking hurts.” Marlau muttered.

“I’m probably going to stay here.” Hayden said, because even if he wanted to go out, Shane had told him to stick to his routine, which definitely didn’t include clubbing. Also, he was itching to get away from Rozanov, as quickly as possible.

But he wasn’t let off that easily.

“Shaney boy here can’t go clubbing.” Vaugh said, poking Hayden in the arm. “He’s gotta tuck himself into bed, and call Rose.”

They all laughed at that, the table erupting, and people sitting nearby turning to look. Hayden could feel the blush rising on his cheeks, but he did his best not to react. “Yeah, yeah.” He said, waving them off.

“Where’s your famous girlfriend, Roz?” Vaughn said, turning across the table to Rozanov.

When Hayden looked at him, Rozanov looked away. He’d been staring. Rozanov had been staring at him.

Before Hayden could process, that. Rozanov’s face split into a toothy grin.

“No, no.” Rozanov said after taking a sip of his drink. “Movies stars, supermodels, they get attached too quickly. Start asking for ring, throw fit if they don’t get one fast enough. Isn’t that right, Hollander?”

Hayden froze, his own glass halfway to his mouth. Rozanov is… staring at him again. Really intensely staring at him. Does he know Shane and Rose broke up? How could he possibly know that?

Hayden has recently made peace with the fact that magic is real in some form, due to his current circumstance. He makes a note to look into Russian telepathy.

He’s also taking too long to answer, because Rozanov isn’t the only one staring, everyone is.

Right. Hayden finished his drink, and flashed Rozanov a grin. “If you want tips on how to get a girl to stay, you just had to ask, Rozanov.”

The table burst out into another round of laughter, this time Hayden didn’t join. He kept his focus on Rozanov.

And Rozanov looked actually kind of mad. Not annoyed or embarrassed, like genuinely pissed.

And Hayden just couldn’t help himself. “Not many repeat takers, huh?”

And that earned him another round, this time Rozanov somewhat joined in. Maybe no one else noticed because no one else was actually looking at him, but it was a tense half hearted laughter.

Interesting.

Eventually, and mercifully, the table splits up. Hayden stuck with Hunter, because he seemed to be in the same, ‘I’m only staying here until it’s socially acceptable to leave’, mindset. Plus, he was starting to like the guy.

They were by the bar, when Hayden’s phone rang. He ignored it. Yuna had said she’d call later if some information about a sponsorship came through, but if he was busy, he could ignore it.

Then his phone rang again. He pulled it out and saw his own name in the contact line.

Uh oh!

“Uh, I gotta-” Hayden said, gesturing to his phone. Hunter nodded, and moved so he could escape to the hallway.

“Shane?” Hayden hissed into the phone.

“Hey! Uh, hi. Quick question.” Shane said, very quickly.

“Yeah?”

“Uhhh, what do children eat?”

“What?”

“What do they eat?” Shane repeated urgently. “Because I’ve already tried all of the food in your house, and they don’t want any of it, but they’re really hungry and the baby won’t stop crying. Except the baby has milk— I know that one. But I can’t give the baby milk, because the other three are like, freaking out.”

“Ok, ok, ok.” Hayden said, “You’re dealing with terrorists. Remember that.”

“What?!” Shane exclaimed.

“You can’t negotiate with a terrorist.” Hayden said, pausing for dramatic effect. “Or a four year old. They don’t operate under logic.”

“Okay?” Shane said, “So what the fuck— shit— I mean, sorry! Sorry! I’ll just put a $100 in the jar to cover the weekend.”

“Shane, focus.”

Shane is silent on the other line.

“Provide them with food. Tell them this is the food that they have, and if they don’t want it, that’s ok, but there is no other food.”

“Ok.” Shane said, still sounding scared.

“They will throw tantrums.” Hayden said.

“How do I stop the tantrums?” Shane whispered.

“You don’t.”

“I don’t?” Shane said, “But I… I can’t hear myself think. I’m developing a twitch.”

“Yep.” Hayden said.

“And they’ll stop eventually?”

“Eventually.” Hayden said, “If they’re really hungry, they’ll eat, if not they can go without. Make sure the food is always available, don’t take it away. And no dessert for anyone who doesn’t eat dinner.”

“Jesus. You’re strict.” Shane said, and after a second. “You’re like a strict parent.”

“I simply follow orders. Jackie runs that house like a naval base.”

“OK.” Shane said. “I can do this. They’re children. I’m bigger than them.”

“But there’s more of them.” Hayden pointed out. “And they can climb.”

“Ok. Now you’re not helping.” Shane snapped. “Bye. Hopefully, I won’t call you again.”

“Good luck!” Hayden replied, and heard the phone call end.

He ran a hand through his hair and let out an exhale. For a split second when he saw the call, he’d been worried that something had happened. He trusted Shane, obviously, but his heart was still pounding in his chest. He was so distracted, he didn’t hear anyone come up behind him.

“Wishing your girlfriend good night, Hollander?” Came the voice of Ilya Rozanov behind him. Hayden turned to face him.

Ugh. He looked good. Ew. This was so weird.

Ok, Hayden had known Rozanov was attractive. He had eyes. And frankly, ears. He’d heard what girls said about him, and he’d heard about his reputation.

But now he looked… really good. His hair curled, framing his face. His eyes, his lips. Hayden was simultaneously into, and really not into him.

“No, it was your mom.” Hayden snapped. “She said you should call more.”

Which was not his best work, but the longer Rozanov looked at him, the harder it was to think.

The corner of Rozanov’s mouth twitched, like he’d actually thought it was funny. Hayden did not like the way his heart did a flip.

“Good night, Hollander.” He said, and he started to pass, but as he went he said, “Try not to get too lonely tonight… without Rose Landry.”

Hayden’s eyebrows furrowed, and he watched Rozanov merrily walk down the rest of the hall.

Ok, he had to know. How could he know? Shane had only told Hayden they broke up a few weeks ago, and the press was very much still treating them like a couple.

Hayden thought about it all the way to his hotel room. He pulled the fancy clothes off, and left them in a pile on the floor, before flopping on the bed.

He sighed, and looked backwards, at the pile. Shane Hollander would put them away. Hayden sighed again, got back up, and put them back in their bag. After all, these were brand new, expensive clothes. Then he flopped down again.

It wasn’t that late. Frankly, Hayden usually went to bed later than this. He pulled out Shane’s phone and scrolled through his apps. No games. What kind of psychopath didn’t at least have Subway Surfers?

He opened Instagram instead, where he found ten billion messages, and immediately ignored them. He scrolled through Shane’s feed, and made sure not to like anything. Not that it would’ve mattered that much, since the only thing that came up was hockey related.

Drills, highlight reels, and slow motion replays. As he scrolled, his mind wandered. Stupid Rozanov. Hayden wasn’t sure what the fuck had happened that night, but he knew he didn’t want it to happen again. Shane’s rule ran through his head.

Avoid Rozanov. At all costs.

Was this why? Shane had some huge crush on Rozanov? And Rozanov either knew, which was very very bad, or just so happened to be the most inconveniently sexy asshole ever to walk Earth. Hayden took a second to appreciate that both of those things could be true at the same time.

He didn't currently have the brainpower to process all that at the moment, Rozanov homophobically flirting, Shane wanting to fuck Rozanov? Potentially? Shane wanting to fuck any man? None of which, Shane had actually elected to tell Hayden, his supposed best friend.

He tried not to take offense at that. Really, he tried.

What Rozanov had said, ran through his mind too. That Shane was lonely. Which, yeah. Shane probably was lonely, due to his self imposed isolation. But not everyone wanted to fuck anything that moved.

Hayden had been so surprised in the moment, but now he ran through a few zingers he could’ve retorted with. In his imagination, he completely owned Rozanov. Made him cry even. Hayden was very witty in his own imagination.

One line he kept thinking about over and over was how Shane had been sleeping with a girl from Boston, Rozanov’s city, for years. Which Hayden would, of course, never actually say. Because Shane was no longer seeing her, and also would be so so mad if he’d said that. But still.

He’d say something about Shane getting with a Raiders fan, even though he didn’t even know if Lily was a Raiders fan. Hayden didn’t know anything about Lily. Like besides her first name. And that she lived in Boston.

And Shane hadn’t even told him those things, Hayden had noticed them. Consider that cat dead as hell, and Hayden’s curiosity killed it.

He took a deep breath and decided. He wasn’t even going to speak to Rozanov again this entire weekend. And although Roz would never actually know about this, he was also going to prove that son of a bitch wrong. Shane was not lonely. Or he didn’t have to be. He talked to plenty of girls. Hayden would show him.

He opened messages again, and this time scrolled all the way to the bottom, scanning intently for Lily’s name. Nothing.

Then he searched for her throughout all of his messages. He found a few mentions of ‘lily’ but when he opened the full message, they clearly weren’t the right one.

Well shit.

In a last ditch effort, Hayden opened contacts, and nearly dropped his phone when a contact when a ‘Lily’ actually came up.

Just Lily. No last name, no further information. If he remembered correctly, the area code was from the Boston, Jackie had had the same one.

Bingo!

His finger hovered over the message button, and after a moment of hesitation, he clicked it.

8:58PM
Hey, what’s up?

Hayden felt like a middle schooler. As soon as he sent the message, he tossed the phone across the bed, only for it to bounce, once, twice, and then off the bed. Great.

He let himself panic for a beat, head resting in his hands. After a moment, when his heart stopped literally beating out of his chest, he got up and started to retrieve the phone.

This was fine. He’d made a little mistake there, sure. A fixable one. All he had to do was delete the text thread… and possibly block Lily. Maybe he could just buy Shane a new phone. He probably wouldn’t notice.

His train of thought was interrupted, by a crisp ‘DING’.

Lily had replied.

Chapter End Notes

Ilya's POV this chapter
Ilya: Are you still with Rose?? Are you guys engaged???? Do you not need me anymore?????????
Hayden (but Ilya think it's Shane): Everyone you've ever been with has and or will leave you, just like I did. Also UR MOM LOL :P

My favourite fic of this week is Best Served Hot by queerteaoop. It legit had me giggling and kicking my feet during a meeting at work, I had to put my phone down.

Chapter 3

Chapter Summary

hayden somehow continues to fuck up shane's life, except he's still pretty good at hockey

Chapter Notes

sorry you guys i really meant to post this last wednesday but it was my birthday last week (everyone wish me happy birthday it's mandatory) and I went to Nashville and I've only recently regained feeling in my legs, omfg a lot of fun but not for the faint of heart. turns out my heart is faint as fuck. anywhoo enjoy this!

PS: I'm glad yall liked the mom joke haha I added that in last minute like right before I posted, in my mind Roz thought it was kind of funny but obvs up for interpertation, death of the author and all that

Lily - 9:00PM

?

Not very much

What is up with you

So, it could have been worse. Hayden was half expecting her to say lose my number dickhead or even what the hell do you want?

It could have been better, too. It wasn’t exactly I’ve been waiting to hear from you or I missed you so much, I love you. But he could work with it. He thought.

Still sort of a weird response, but Shane was a weird guy; it makes sense that Lily was a little strange herself.

9:06PM

Just working

Lily - 9:21PM
Yes

Hayden really didn’t know how to interpret that. Yes, like she knew he was working? Hayden realised a second later that Shane was a very famous athlete, currently competing in the All Stars game, which had been highly advertised. So yes, she probably did know he was working.

9:25PM

How have you been

Lily - 9:30PM

Since last time?

9:39PM

Yeah

Lily - 9:41PM

I have been fine

It wasn’t anything

It didn’t mean anything

Hayden was getting dangerously close to finding out some things about Shane’s relationship with her that Shane didn’t want him to know. He’d already learned a lot more about Shane this weekend than he had in the entire time they’d known each other. Hayden figured it was best to just go along with it.

9:45PM

Yeah I know

Lily - 9:47PM

You didn’t need to freak out

9:49PM

Sorry

Lily - 9:51PM

Is fine

Should have known you would freak out, you are you

9:55PM

Yeah that’s fair

But you’ve really been good?

Lily - 9:58PM

I have been ok

Tired of traveling all the time

10:02PM

Yeah I get that

Work has been crazy

Lily - 10:09PM

You have been doing well

10:11PM

You’ve been watching?

Lily - 10:20PM

Makes good background noise

10:23PM

Haha

Very funny

Lily - 10:24PM

Good edges but your backhand is weak

And you have tell before you shoot

10:24PM

Shut up, do not

What is it

Lily - 10:26PM

Like I would tell you

Then you might fix it

10:30PM

Well I’m doing alright already so

Isn’t that big of a problem is it

Lily - 10:31PM

Yeah you’re doing alright

Could be better

10:35PM

Like you could do better

Lily - 10:36PM

I could absolutely do better

I do better

10:40PM

Oh you skate?

Lily - 10:42PM

Once in a while

10:45PM

I could give you a lesson

Lily - 10:45PM

Do you do private lessons

And OK, that was Hayden’s fault. ‘I could give you a skating lesson’ is hockey player flirting 101. He didn’t expect her to take the bait so quickly, though. He brainstormed some deflections.

10:56PM

You couldn’t afford me

Lily - 10:59PM

Maybe I pay you back some other way

Hayden’s eyebrows made their way back up his forehead, where they’d been hanging out a lot lately. So. Lily was bold.

Once again, Shane Hollander managed to surprise him. He sort of pictured Lily as a quiet, shy girl. A librarian, maybe. Or a nurse. Someone with whom Shane could sit in silence. Lily… did not seem to be any of those things. And Hayden was starting to like her.

But he wasn’t about to start sexting Shane’s… well, Shane’s. Uh. Ex. He was gonna go with ex. First, because it was weird. Second, because as much as Hayden had ignored Shane’s ‘don’t go through my phone’ rule, he had to draw a line somewhere. And third, because he had the most beautiful, perfect woman who’d ever lived already, and he had no desire to sext anyone else. 

But he couldn’t think of a response that changed the subject without rejecting her, so he just… turned his phone off, and went to bed. The coward’s way out.

When he woke up the next morning, he immediately did damage control.

5:03AM

Sorry fell asleep

I don’t think my bank accepts payments other than cash, sorry

That was the best Hayden could do at five in the morning. He sent the message and then went out for his run, which sucked. Even though Shane’s body was used to it, it still sucked. And Hayden’s brain certainly wasn’t used to it, and he felt like he was dying the entire time. So when he finally made it back to the hotel, he all but collapsed on a bench outside.

He bent over, wheezing, head between his knees. Was Shane some sort of masochist?

“You alright there, rookie?” Hunter said, and Hayden’s head snapped up.

“Uh yeah. Yes.” He stuttered, “Just uh, the air in Montreal is… different.”

The air is different? What the fuck was wrong with him?

Hunter accepted his bullshit excuse because he was nice and walked with him into the hotel.

“Don’t gas yourself before the game.” Hunter said as they strolled through the lobby.

“I’m good. I run that every day.” Hayden said, which for Shane was true. Hunter whistled appreciatively.

“I wish I were that consistent.” He chuckled, then turned to face Hayden more, “Got a little tense with Roz last night, huh?”

Hayden shrugged, “The usual amount.”

“Just wanted to make sure you two are good.” Hunter said, “I always kind of thought the whole competition between you guys was a bit for the cameras.”

Hayden nodded, because he'd thought that too. Clearly there was something else going on there. He'd wondered why Shane had kept their little competiton thing going so long after their rookie season, but it was becoming increasingly obvious that Shane had other reasons for trying to remain close to Rozanov. Why he would want to hangout with the most annoying, bitchiest, straight, asshole in the league, even considering his crush, Hayden would never know. What Rozanov’s problem was, Hayden didn’t know, and frankly, he didn’t want to.

“It is, mostly.” Hayden said, parroting stuff he’d heard Shane say about it over the years, “But I don’t love the guy, if you couldn’t tell.”

Hunter gave him another look, one that he couldn’t decipher.

“Well, as long as you two can pull it together on the ice.” Hunter said after a beat.

“Of course.” Hayden replied immediately, “Roz is a dick, but he wouldn’t throw a game.”

Egotistical bastard that he was.

Hunter chuckled at that, and they’d arrived at the elevator doors. “You going up?”

“Uh, down actually.” Hayden said, “Gonna hit the gym.”

“Alright.” Hunter said, shaking his head. “Don’t push it too hard, we need you.”

“Yup!” Hayden said as Hunter stepped into the elevator and it shut behind him.

Yup. Yup. God. Hayden had never replayed his own words in his head like this. It was like he went through a transcript of every conversation he had, picking out where he could’ve said something better, or not said something stupid. 

Hayden was, shockingly, glad to see the gym. It wasn’t empty, but it was quiet. Other players scattered throughout, mostly working out alone. Hayden didn’t recognize anyone, and he hoped none of these guys knew Shane or were expecting some kind of acknowledgement.

The workout was grounding. Much less difficult than the run. When he finished, he actually felt better. As he made his way back to his room, he checked his messages, and to his relief, he had a new message from Lily.

Lily - 6:49AM

I forgot you sleep like child

With bedtime

7:01AM

It’s called a sleep schedule

Lily - 7:05AM

It is called boring

“Yeah, yeah.” Hayden said, out loud in his empty hotel room. He paused a second after saying, looking around like someone would be there, judging him for talking to himself. As he changed out of his sweaty clothes and started the shower, he tried to think of a response, but another text came in before he could.

Lily - 7:06AM

Let me guess, you have already gone for a run

7:08AM

And so what

I’m very athletic

Lily - 7:10AM

I know how athletic you are

And you already went to gym and worked out, yes?

7:10AM

Yes

Lily - 7:11AM

Oh no

You have run out of boring things to fill your boring schedule

What will you do now

Hayden grinned at the message despite himself when he realised he was standing in this hotel room in underwear, with the shower running, twirling his hair ,and kicking his feet while he texted a girl.

So he took another shower. Again, his head glued at a 90° angle. 

What would he do now? Shane’s schedule was empty. Yuna had made sure no work calls or sponsorship obligations had been booked for this weekend, and now that he’d completed Shane’s workout routine… he sort of had nothing. After he’d gotten out of the shower and was dressed, he flopped on the bed, and turned on the TV, scrolling through channels. He didn't have it in him to walk around the resort pretending to be Shane for any longer than absolutely necessary.

7:29AM

I’m watching TV

There wasn’t much to choose from. Tons of reruns from shows he’d never seen, a few news channels reporting on the local weather, which was… sunny! Shocking.

He flipped through a few more when he got a response. He went to answer it right away, since the channel he’d landed on was on an ad break, anyway.

Lily - 7:31AM

Let me guess? hockey movie?

Miracle on ice?

Hayden laughed out loud, to the empty room. “That’s a good one.”  He muttered before frowning. He was getting too comfortable talking to himself. He was about to reply when the ad break ended, and he realised it was playing Star Wars Episode Four.

Which was a perfectly good way to spend an afternoon. He grabbed the clicker, turning up the volume, and made himself comfortable before responding.

7:32AM

You’re so funny

No

I’m watching star wars

Lily - 7:33AM

I have not heard of this

7:34AM

You havent heard of STAR WARS???

Lily - 7:35AM

Sorry sorry, i mean i have not seen this

I have heard of star wars

Duh

7:37AM

Ok cause that’d be crazy

Wait you haven’t seen them?

Any of them

Lily - 7:38AM

Nope

What channel

7:38AM

?

What do you mean

Lily - 7:40AM

What channel are you watching star wars on

7:41AM

It’s on FX

Why?

Lily - 7:42AM

I want to watch star wars

7:43AM

It’s like 20 minutes in already

You missed the beginning

Lily - 7:44AM

Tell me what happened

We can watch together

A smile pulled at either side of Hayden’s mouth, and he dutifully filled her in on the first twenty minutes of Star Wars.

Hayden kept his phone open and propped against his leg while he watched. Every once in a while, she’d send him a text, commenting on the plot, asking a question, or making a prediction.

He did his best to answer questions and acknowledge predictions, without giving anything away. His own commentary mostly consisted of, “Watch this part, it’s the best scene.”

She pointed out that he’d said that four times, and he wasn’t even mad.

Lily - 9:13AM

They cannot all be the best scene

9:13AM

And yet somehow, they are

This is the magic of star wars

In the last few minutes of the movie, her messages dwindled down, and he got so focused on the climax that he stopped texting too. He still didn’t hear anything from her when the credits started rolling, and he sort of just looked between the TV screen and his phone.

What was he supposed to say now? He’d just watched a movie with this girl… well, Shane had. Hayden also started to realise that he may have gone too far with this whole thing, because he struggled to think of a great way to explain all of this to Shane.

He didn’t notice that Episode Five had started playing right after the first one, until he was snapped out of his own head by a text message from Lily.

Lily - 9:29AM

Oh my god there are more?

9:30AM

Yes??

Do you seriously not know anything about star wars?

Lily - 9:30AM

I kid

There are 6 hundred of them right

So so many

9:31AM

There are like 7

I think theres another one coming out

And there are a few extra ones that aren’t part of the main story

And some tv shows

Lily - 9:34AM

So 6 hundred

9:35AM

Yeah basically

You don’t have to watch

Lily - 9:38AM

Are you going to keep watching?

9:40AM

Yeah

Lily - 9:41AM

I will watch

And then Hayden had the most fun he’d had watching Star Wars, since he was a little kid. Throughout the movies, he’d tell her behind the scene details about filming and the actors, while Lily supplied her own commentary, in the form of opinions about characters, and her fascination with ‘the force’.

Hayden gave up trying to explain what ‘the force’ was actually supposed to be around the end of episode six, because they fuck the whole thing up with midichlorians in the prequels anyway.

When episode three wrapped up, he was somewhat startled by the time. Somehow, he’d managed to spend the hours long break between his workout and the game… quite happily entertained. Unfortunately, he didn’t leave himself as much time as he would’ve liked to get ready for said game, and he rushed to change.

While he did, he tried to think of what to text Lily.

Thanks for watching movies with me for six hours, I’m going to go play hockey now bye?

Perhaps, not.

The line of thinking distracted him from his somewhat irrational nerves. This game wasn’t even part of the season. It was for charity. It didn’t actually matter.

And he’d already tested his ability to skate; it seemed to be intact. He was capable of getting through Shane’s entire, insane, morning routine, meaning his endurance was there, too.

Finally, it was time to go.

He really hadn’t thought of anything amazing to say, so he landed on

2:36PM

Wish me luck

Lily - 2:39PM

You do not need it

But even once he was in his uniform and skates, standing beside the rink, crowd screaming beside him, his teammates bustling around him, he was nervous.

He wondered if this was just how Shane felt before games. He’d always been an anxious guy, but Hayden hadn’t realised how all-consuming that anxiety seemed to be.

He stepped on the ice with one foot, then the second, and if he thought skating across the fake rink in Shane’s basement was intense, skating across this, real ice, with fans surrounding him, and players taking their places? This was electric.

He had complete control of the ice from beginning to end. It was like everything else faded to a dull hum that he easily ignored. It was just him, the puck, and the goal.

Surprisingly, he also seemed to have a sixth sense for Rozanov. At first, Hayden had found it annoying, that he always knew where Rozanov was, and he could feel him tracking him back.

But then, he’d set up the most beautiful assist that Hayden had ever seen. Like seriously, he felt like he’d melded brains with Rozanov for a few seconds.

As Rozanov rushed the goal, facing two opponents looking ready to check him, Hayden came up on the other side. Without looking, Roz sent the puck back, straight to Hayden, who received it without hesitation, blowing past the defense before they knew he had possession.

So maybe he was alright with their temporary neurolink.

Sometime around the third period, Hayden was more than alright with it; they were up by seven, and Hayden had managed a hat-trick, at least partially thanks to Rozanov.

When they weren’t on the ice, he didn’t interact with Rozanov much at all, and when they did, it was… weird.

“Got enough beauty sleep, Hollander?” He said, skating by Hayden as they got off the ice.

Hayden bristled, not even knowing what that chirp was supposed to mean. Usually, Rozanov got a little meaner, and as Hayden thought it over, he considered that it might be a taunt about Shane’s obvious crush. Hayden readjusted his grip on his stick. 

“Fuck off, Rozanov.”

Rozanov looked over his shoulder and shot him a grin.

But the game was just too good; he couldn’t even stay mad. It ended 10-3. Maybe they were taking it a little too seriously, it being for fun, but Hayden was grinning from ear to ear. It was the best game he’d ever played.

He came downstairs, for yet another mandatory party— and damn was Shane right, these things were the worst. Again, everyone wanted to talk to him, and when the crowd surrounded him, he sort of felt the walls closing in. But this time, they were asking him about what he did. And he’d actually done it. Basically. Close enough.

After being interrogated for a few minutes, Marleau, of all people, appeared next to him, coming to his rescue.

“Alright, alright. Hands off.” He said, waving people away from Hayden, and since he was enormous, he parted the crowd easily.

"Uh, thanks.” Hayden said, as soon as he’d made it out of the worst of the crowd.

“Don’t mention it.” Marleau said, taking a seat at the bar. Hayden took the one next to him, “Just buy me a round tonight, we’ll call it even.”

“Tonight?” And Hayden had to stop doing that. Thankfully, Marleau wasn’t as bitchy as Rozanov was.

“Yeah, tonight!” Marleau said, slamming a hand on Hayden’s back as he chuckled, “We’re hitting the town. Not optional! Come on, we won!”

Hayden scoffed, “Yeah, except it wasn’t exactly the Stanley Cup.”

Marleau groaned, “Celebrate all your wins! It’s good for you!”

“I don’t know.” Hayden said as he struggled to come up with excuses. “I’ve got an early flight and—”

“Hunter!” Marleau all but sprang out of his seat, waving his arms to get Hunter’s attention from across the room. “Come tell Hollander he’s no fun!”

Hayden glanced at the bar in front of Marleau and noted multiple empty glasses. Well, it looked like Marleau had started his celebration already.

Hunter did come over, probably because he wanted Marleau to stop waving like a flag in the wind and yelling his name. When he got there, he laughed good naturedly.

“Hollander,” Hunter said, and Hayden moved a seat over, so Hunter could sit between Marleau and him. “You’re no fun. Sorry.”

“Come on,” Hayden said, “It’s not like you’re going.”

Hunter grimaced, “Well, actually…”

Hayden groaned, “You, too?”

“We won!” Hunter said, “And the night is young!”

Hayden looked between Hunter and Marleau, weighing his options. Shane had occasionally gone out with the team, especially after big wins. Would it be weirder if he didn’t go? Or was it a bad idea to go, and risk messing up? He wished he could text Shane and ask him what he should do, but it seemed like he was expected to make a decision right now.

“Fine! Fine!” Hayden said, and he held his hands up in surrender. They both cheered. Hayden was pretty confident that if he were here, Shane would make an appearance, have a drink, and be in bed at a reasonable hour. Hayden could totally survive thirty minutes at a nightclub.

“Where are we going exactly?” Hayden asked no one in particular. He was sandwiched between two of his teammates from the All-Star game in the backseat of Hunter’s car. Rozanov sat shotgun because he called 'dibs’. That fucker.

Behind him, Marleau and Vaugn were on either side of another player from the game. “Yeah, Roz! Where the hell are you taking us?” It was Marleau.

“It's surprise.” Rozanov said, giving Hunter directions, not looking at them in the backseat.

Hayden tried to look out the window and see if he could figure out where he was going. Nothing looked familiar, and they were driving too fast for him to recognize much anyway. Thankfully, the mystery was solved only a few minutes later, when Hunter pulled into the parking lot of a nightclub.

Hayden hadn’t been to a nightclub in a long time, and even then, he hadn’t been a regular anywhere. He wasn’t as bad as Shane, but he wasn’t opposed to a quiet night in.

This club was called ‘Surprise’, which Rozanov thought was so funny that he’d actually chuckled when Hayden rolled his eyes as they walked past the sign. 

“Clever.” He said, as Rozanov passed him.

“I am very witty,” Rozanov said, only turning his head slightly, looking at Hayden from the corner of his eye.

Hayden felt himself start blushing, which was fucking crazy. He was so confused. Rozanov kept walking, thank god, and Hayden quickly found the bar. He ordered his own favourite out of habit, but by the time he realised, the bartender was already gone. Well. Hayden wasn’t sure what Shane’s alcoholic drink of choice even was. Maybe he just mixed something with ginger ale. 

He leaned against the bar and scanned the room. There had been another full car of players, who’d left shortly after them. Hayden recognized a few of them, but no one he knew very well.

After a moment of pause, Hayden thought he’d try something. Just to test a theory.

He looked at the men. Really looked at them. At first, he felt nothing, and then he felt stupid. What the hell had he been thinking? This was—

Huh.

Hayden spotted a guy directly across the room from him, dancing. And he felt attracted to him. So, it was getting more and more difficult to ignore that. Because Rozanov was one thing. Shane had a weird fucking thing going on there. 

But some random guy? He was just a guy. A handsome guy, sure. But he was a second guy.

He’d been able to compartmentalize away the thoughts he’d been having about Rozanov, because of the everything that had been going on. But he’d played the game, did well, and now all he needed to do was get on a plane tomorrow. This gave his brain room to consider that he felt, for the first time in his life, sexually attracted to a man. And those thoughts coincided with his and Shane’s switcheroo.

So, Shane liked men. Hayden was cool with that. He knew gay people. Oh, shit, you’re not supposed to say that. But he did. His cousin was gay, and his old history teacher. He didn’t have a problem with gay people. Did Shane think he had a problem with gay people?

Hold on, what did that mean was going on with Lily? Had Shane been leading her on? Was Hayden leading her on now? 

This train of thought was interrupted when the bartender returned with his drink, and Hayden made his way to the hallway just outside of the club’s main hall, doing his best to breathe through his nose. He needed to get the fuck out of this crowd. He took a generous swig of his drink and checked his phone. It was at 3%. Because, of fucking course it was.

He shoved it back in his pocket and took another sip. Maybe it was because Shane was such a lightweight, but he could feel the effects before he’d even finished it. The liquid was heavy in his stomach, making him a bit nauseous, but otherwise, pleasantly buzzed.

“Wow, wild night.” A familiar voice said from behind him. He’d been leaning on the wall, facing away from the hall. And now Ilya Rozanov stood between him and his exit.

Hayden sighed and turned around. “Get lost, Rozanov. I’m not in the mood.”

Rozanov paused for a second, and then he looked at Hayden like he was trying to read his face. “Are you alright?”

“I’m fine.” Hayden snapped.

“You have been very strange. The past two days.” Rozanov said, looking… thoughtful. Hayden was fighting a few trains of thought running through his head. One. He hated Rozanov. Stupid Rozanov who seemingly followed Shane around just to bitch at him. Two. Rozanov was actually becoming more attractive somehow, which only further pissed Hayden off. And Three. Shane was such a lightweight, he might actually be a little drunk.

“Do you not understand ‘get lost’?” Hayden said sharply.

Rozanov’s face twisted again, into an expression Hayden was more familiar with, after seeing it on the ice so often. “Fucking fine.” He snapped. “Great game as always, Hollander.”

Rozanov turned on his heel, and maybe that drink had hit harder than Hayden thought, or maybe he just had so much pent-up anger at Rozanov, and the weird little fabricated back and forth the league and Rozanov kept pushing, and so much anger at this ridiculous situation, because he was yelling after him, before he’d really thought through what he was going to say.

“You know, Roz?” Hayden said, and Rozanov stopped short, turning halfway around to look back at Hayden warily. “I’m not sure why you’re so determined to keep this stupid thing between us going, but isn’t it time you grow the fuck up, and let it go? I’m trying to move on, maybe you should too. It’s been years, and it’s starting to get kind of pathetic.”

Rozanov gave him a look that Hayden didn’t really understand, yet again. Or if he did understand, he didn’t understand why. He looked sad, devastated even. Once again, Hayden wondered if he’d stepped on a landmine in the weird ass relationship, feud, whatever the fuck they had going on.

He didn’t get a chance to ask because Rozanov turned back and kept going, straight out of the hallway, slipping into the crowd of the club’s dance floor. Hayden watched him go, with a strange sense of weight pressing his body down. He attributed that to the drink, too.

Hunter had been hanging out near the front door, so when Hayden went to go looking for him, it was easy.

When Hunter looked up and noticed him, he let out a deep breath, “Oh, thank god. I’ve been texting you.”

“My phone’s basically dead, I haven’t been on it.”

Hunter winced, “Well, you’re all set to go?”

“More than all set.”

The ride back was uneventful. Hunter and he made idle conversation about the club and the game.

It wasn’t until Hayden was back in his hotel room that he really let himself think about the night.

Shane liked men. Sexually and romantically. And while this didn’t matter to Hayden, Shane hadn’t actually told him that. Meaning he didn’t want him to know that. And so, Hayden really isn’t sure what to do with this information, or how to proceed at all.

Hayden sank onto the bed with a thunk. About a million thoughts were running through his head, so he plugged in his phone and set it on the table, before lying down on the pillow and shutting his eyes.

Shane was gay.

Shane didn’t tell him that he was gay. Didn’t trust him with it.

But Hayden couldn’t make that his problem.

Then there was the Lily thing. That was going to be an issue. If Hayden had thought he’d learned his lesson about meddling before, he was wrong, but had certainly learned it now.

Also, Rozanov. Shane had been pretty clear that he wanted Hayden to avoid him, but it was like there was some weird tractor beam, drawing him closer and closer, all the time. And besides all that, Hayden was now extremely sexually attracted to him. Which made Hayden conclude that Shane was actually extremely sexually attracted to him. 

Hayden paused a moment to feel a little sad for Shane. Not only did he have an embarrassing crush, but he was forced to interact with said crush, constantly. Competitively. He briefly considered what it’d be like to be pitted against Jackie, but dismissed the thought because it made him sadder.

And then there was the fact that Rozanov was a total asshole, specifically to Shane, but also in general. And he’d be so smug, too. If he knew.

How he seemed to know that Shane and Rose had broken up was beyond Hayden.

If you thought about it, this was all Rozanov’s fault anyway. He’d been teasing Hayden about their breakup, so Hayden texted Lily, because Shane didn’t have to be lonely. Except that had backfired, clearly.

Then another thought popped into his mind.

Shane didn’t necessarily have to be gay. He could be bisexual. Or pan. Hayden knew things. He was an ally to the community.

He hadn’t really been focusing on women when they were at the club, too determined to test his gay theory, then too overwhelmed to look at anyone.

So there in his bed, he pictured his wife.

Beautiful Jackie. Her eyes, her smile. Their first date. Their wedding.

Then, her hips. Her ass. Her boobs.

He really pictured her boobs, which he loved so much.

Nothing.

He scoffed.

Those boobs had never failed him before. They were foolproof.

Okay, Shane was so gay.

So he’d started stringing Lily along. But Shane could never be with her because he was too gay, in general, but also specifically for Rozanov.

Everything came back to Ilya fucking Rozanov.

Fuck, he was tired. His brain hurt from all the bullshit he’d caused, and he grabbed his phone to check the time, to find a lot of missed phone calls and texts from ‘Hayden’, earlier in the night.

Well, that wasn’t good.

Hayden - 8:49PM

Hey call me when you see this

Can you call me

Hayden - 9:13PM

Is your phone working??

I’m calling you

Call me back as soon as possible please

Hayden - 10:43PM

Ok so I’m good actually

Figured it out

Hayden’s heart raced faster and faster the more he read. Call me back as soon as possible please?  That was never a good sign. He went to dial his own number, but he stopped. It had gotten kind of late. And Shane had said he’d figured it out. Hayden tried to remember that he trusted Shane. He opted to send a text and wait for a bit.

11:50PM

I’m so sorry my phone was dying

I didn’t see any of this

Is everything ok?

I don’t want to call in case you’re sleeping, but call or text me when you see this

After the last text, Hayden propped the phone against a pillow and waited. He stared at it, expectantly, willing it to light up with a text from Shane, explaining the misunderstanding. No texts came.

His mind wandered to Lily. He’d never responded.

He thought back to everything he’d ever learned about Lily.

Name? Lily.

Probably lived in Boston.

And Shane swore up and down that he was not dating anyone, or having sex with anyone, whenever Hayden asked him about it in Boston.

So maybe… Lily was just a buddy?

He needed a little longer to figure out what was going on there, and he was still waiting for a response to Shane, so he pulled up their thread.

11:58PM

Looks like I really didn’t need it

You want to watch another one tomorrow? I’ll let you pick the movie this time

There. They could watch a movie, and Hayden could casually weave in some questions. About them. He had the morning tomorrow before he left, and the plane ride home at least.

This is what soothed him as he lay in bed, phone propped against a pillow, but the brightness all the way down. He didn’t even notice his eyes closing, and he was fast asleep when her response came in.

Which led to a very rude awakening the next morning.

Lily - 12:10AM

What the fuck is wrong with you

9:38AM

What?

[This message could not be delivered.]

Chapter End Notes

hehehe isn't that terrible? who would do such a thing?

Fic rec of the week is... frequently, secretly fond of each other. by milominderbinder. I usually don't reccomend WIPS but this one is TOO GOOD. Bruh the last chapter had me shedding tears, RUN don't walk.

okokok last thing, I saw some people ask if Hayden as Shane and Ilya were gonna hook up... peace and love don't say that shit near me (all love, cos I've got some rare pair ships myself), but 1. Hayden hates the fuck out of Roz 2. He's the most wife guy to ever wife guy 3. Even if there were some way shape or form that could happen, I would never ever let it <3

Chapter 4

Chapter Summary

hayden's hangxiety trip home!

Chapter Notes

Hayden would never make fun of Shane for not drinking ever again. In fact, if Hayden saw Shane with any sort of alcoholic beverage in the future, he would slap it out of his hand. The mere sight of it would give Hayden flashbacks to his current situation, which he would do anything he could, to forget.

“Still feeling OK?” Cliff Marlow said from the driver's seat. Hayden groaned half heartedly. He hoped it sounded like ‘yeah’.

Cliff gave him a worried look, and reminded him where the ibuprofen and garbage bags were. Then he went right back to bitching. About his girlfriend, his manager, the trainer who works at the stadium, and most of all; Ilya Rozanov.

Hayden cannot seem to avoid Ilya Rozanov even for a second this entire weekend.

And worst of all, he was a captive audience. They were still twenty minutes from the airport and Hayden couldn’t even sleep, he felt so sick. Everytime Cliff made a sharp turn, Hayden had to take deep breaths.

Hayden would be a light weight too, if this is what hangovers felt like,

“He’s had a stick up his ass for months, won’t say why.” Cliff said. For the sixth time. Seriously, Hayden could tell you in detail about why Cliff's girlfriend is being a bitch because she’s mad he travels so much, and his manager is blowing up his phone for no reason, and the trainer has been making him visit after practice for ‘physical therapy’ that Cliff insists he doesn’t need. But the Rozanov saga is even longer and more convoluted. Hayden’s pretty sure he’s heard the entire thing, twice.

He looked down at his phone in his lap. Obviously there were no new messages. He’d checked five minutes ago. And he’d turned his phone off, and then back on, just to check. But Lily hadn’t magically unblocked him. Go figure.

Lily - 12:10AM
What the fuck is wrong with you

9:38AM
What?
[This message could not be delivered.]
Wait what happened
[This message could not be delivered.]
Did you block me?
[This message could not be delivered.]
I don’t understand what happened
[This message could not be delivered.]

Hayden had never been blocked before. He didn’t know how to handle being blocked. He legitimately has no idea why he was blocked. He also has no idea how he’s going to begin explaining all of this to Shane.

How the fuck was this his life? He didn’t know. How the fuck did he end up driving to the airport with Cliff Marlow, violently hungover? Well, that had a more straightforward answer.

Six hours earlier, Hayden had been pacing in his dark hotel room, where he’d draw up the curtains to block the sun from making his headache worse. He was holding his phone and willing a message from Lily to come through his phone.

Oops sorry, accidentally blocked you, my bad!

The only messages he had were from Shane, reassuring him that he had everything under control, everyone was doing great, and Hayden shouldn’t worry. So he felt better about that at least.

It sounded like Shane would be perfectly capable of murdering Hayden in cold blood when he found out what he’d done, after all.

He went down to the hotel’s complimentary breakfast around noon, because he couldn’t ignore his rumbling stomach anymore, he was hoping the food would soak up any residual alcohol in his system, and also because he was about to start climbing the walls of his room out of anxiety.

There were no players there, thank god, so Hayden was free to sit in silence, shoveling food into his mouth with one hand, and refreshing his phone with the other. His nausea flared up once or twice but he was so hungry he powered through.

He finished in record time, and was making his way through the lobby, when someone called out to him. It took about three attempts before Hayden remembered he was ‘Shane Hollander’ and he was the one being spoken to.

“Er, sorry.” Hayden said, the front desk lady had jogged after him and was now feet away. “I didn’t hear you.”

She shook her head, “No worries, Mr. Hollander. I was just hoping to ask whether or not you were extending your stay with us?”

Hayden blinked. “Uh, no.”

“Oh.” She said, And then they stood there awkwardly for a beat. “Your check out time was eleven o’clock this morning.”

It’s twelve forty five.

“Holy shit, I’m so sorry.” Hayden said, “I’m gonna- I’ll be out. I’ll clear right out, I’m so sorry.”

She waved it away, “No problem, Mr. Hollander. We’re used to having some crossover after events like this. I was just confirming you weren’t planning on staying tonight.”

“Uh, no. No, thank you.” Hayden stuttered. “And I’ll be out. Soon.”

“Sounds good, Mr. Hollander.” She said, “I will call the car for you now.”

“Uh, great.” Hayden said. She pivoted, and started back towards her desk.

Hayden stared after her for a second, before turning to the elevator across the lobby, when he ran almost directly into Cliff Marlow.

They both stopped short, after almost colliding, then staring at each other in shock.

“Sorry.” Hayden said. “Wasn’t looking. I um- it’s been a crazy weekend.”

Cliff groaned, “You’re telling me, it’s un-fucking-believable.”

Hayden nodded, as if he understood, “Right. Anyway.” And he started to go around him, but Cliff wasn't done.

“I’m gonna have to get a fucking taxi now.” Cliff continued. “Do they do that here?”

He gestured towards the front desk, Hayden nodded. “Yeah, they’re calling me a car now.”

Cliff looked between him and the front desk, where the woman Hayden had spoken to was making a phone call, presumably to arrange a car for him.

“Any chance I could bum a ride?”

Which is how Hayden ended up as Cliff’s hostage- sorry passenger on their trip to the airport.

And, wouldn’t you know it, this was another thing that he could blame Rozanov for, entirely.

“-And then, I wake up to a five word text message, and no fucking explanation!” Cliff exclaimed, again. Hayden winced at the volume, and Cliff, at least winced back, whispered sorry and continued more quietly.

“I am leaving. Cannot drive.” Cliff said, in a terrible Russian accent. “What am I supposed to do with that?”

Rozanov had left in the middle of the night. Hayden wasn’t even sure if he’d changed his flight, or just gone early and waited there. 

“Best of all-” Cliff said, pausing for dramatic effect. He suggested you car pool, Hayden said to himself in his head. “-he’s the one who suggested we carpool, in the fucking first place.”

That time, Cliff had gotten even quieter as he got more impassioned, which Hayden appreciated.

Rozanov had been a nightmare to be around since November, for no discernable reason. During practice he basically tortured them, during games he skated like he was being chased, and after? Cliff said they'd gone out so much, that this season was the closest he’d ever come to getting his stomach pumped.

Cliff had some theories. Apparently, Rozanov didn’t get along with his parents or something. Or he’d gotten dumped, although Cliff doubted that one, because he never really dated in the first place. Then, Hayden’s running theory: Roz had made some dumb money decisions and was about to be audited by the IRS for ducking taxes or something. He really hoped it was that last one.

Cliff paused for a moment, and Hayden only really noticed because for a second the pounding in his head dulled.

“Hey.” Cliff said. There was that pounding. “I guess I shouldn’t be telling you all this.”

Hayden shot Cliff a look out of the corner of his eye. This was the first time Cliff had considered that? It’d been an hour.

“Being… enemies or whatever.” Cliff said. “But, you seem like a stand up guy, Hollander. And a good listener.”

Hayden’s not sure he was capable of putting together a coherent thought right now, so listening was basically his only choice, but ok.

Cliff was still paused, and Hayden realised that was a cue to talk.

“Thanks.” Hayded muttered. He tried to shoot Cliff a smile or something but he’s not sure it translated.

“Roz is a good guy.” Cliff said. “I know he’s like… kinda crazy. But he’s nice when you get to know him.”

Hayden did manage to audibly scoff at that, without even wincing at the noise, so there was improvement.

“I’m serious!” Cliff said, “He’s always helping the rookies. Runs a pretty tight ship in the locker room. He does that charity bullshit.”

Hayden isn’t sure if he’s starting to feel better, or if, through sheer force of will, he’s able to overcome his hangover, just to talk shit about Rozanov.

“Everybody does charity bullshit.” Hayden said, “It’s mandatory.”

Cliff laughed at that, even though Hayden was fucking serious.

“Yeah, but he’s the most popular one.” Cliff said. “He’s there way later than everyone else, cause the kids all wanna talk to him one on one.”

“OK fine, he’s nice to sick children. Let me guess, he doesn’t kick puppies either?” Hayden said, “Congrats, he’s not a literal psychopath.”

“Jeez.” Cliff said, “Someone bitchy today.”

“I’m hungover.” Hayden said. “I am entitled to being bitchy.”

“Didn’t you have like one drink and then dip last night?” Cliff said. “I mean you were gone pretty early.”

Hayden huffed. “I don’t really drink.”

“Huh, yeah I noticed that.” Cliff said. “Have you thrown up yet?”

“No?” Hayden said, turning over in his seat a little to look right at Cliff, “I’m not throwing up.”

“You’ll feel better after you throw up.” Cliff replied. One hand on the wheel, but turned toward Hayden.

“I’m not throwing up.”

Hayden threw up.

He put it off, really. They were five minutes to the airport when he felt his stomach lurch especially hard, and it was all he could do to wave his hands around to signal Cliff to pull over.

It seemed like Cliff was banking on him throwing up, so he was pretty much ready as soon as he realised. Swiftly the car was stopped on the side of the road, and Hayden all but flung himself out of the car, and threw up.

He did feel better.

Hayden could not form a clear image of Cliff Marlow, because he’d saved him from being eaten alive by the crowd after the game, but he’d co-opted his car and spent the entire drive bitching, but he’d pulled over, given Hayden some tissues and hand sanitizer, and not said a word after they started to drive.

He was truly an enigma.

As much as Hayden was starting to tolerate Cliff, he wasn’t terribly upset when they found out their gates were on different sides of the airport. 

They did the awkward pause in front of the big screen displaying flight information, before Cliff nodded. “Alright then. Drink some water, Hollander.”

Hayden could appreciate that, and as Cliff turned towards his gate, he called after him. “Have a good one, Marleau. Good luck with Rozanov!”

“I don’t need luck!” Cliff said, over his shoulder, “I need a fucking exorcist.”

Hayden pushed aside the thirteen thousand problems he needed to solve, just long enough to make it to his gate, confirm said gate existed, and then retrieve coffee.

When he finally sat down in one of the chairs closest to the boarding hallway, coffee in one hand, the other holding onto the strap of his bag, he relaxed.

For about twenty seconds.

OK. So Rozanov. He’d obviously failed the Rozanov rule. Which wasn’t entirely his fault, because it was like that guy had GPS on him or something. And then there was the fact that Hayden had wanted to jump his bones the entire weekend, which didn’t help.

He would’ve appreciated a heads up about that, except Shane couldn’t give him a heads up without telling him he was gay. So clearly, Shane didn’t want him to know, except now he does know and he’s not sure if he should continue pretending he doesn’t. 

Which brings him to Lily. What the hell is going on with Lily? Maybe it would turn out that Shane and Lily had grown apart, and he wouldn’t even notice she’d blocked him. Maybe it’d turn out that Shane had realised he was gay, freaked out, and ghosted Lily. In which case, Hayden had actually done Shane a favor by ending it. The fact that had technically started it (or restarted, it was unclear), was not relevant.

The one thing he couldn’t puzzle out, was what the hell had happened. What could he have possibly done or said to warrant that response. In fact, he couldn’t think of anything that he said to her in between the game and when he texted her that night. At all.

Hayden had been anxious before, but it felt like every single thread was being pulled through his brain, in between his ears, all at once. And they kept getting tangled up in each other, and knotting, and pretty soon it’d be one big unravelable pile of string. 

And then there was the fact that he’d skipped his run that morning, and he’d asked for whole milk in his coffee instead of oat milk. So that was three out of four rules, broken. And Yuna hadn’t really told him to do anything that weekend, so he hadn’t even had a chance to break that one.

God he was terrible at being—

“Shane Hollander?” Hayden looked up from the ground where he’d been staring as he ruminated. A young woman with a little kid hiding between her legs was standing in front of him, whispering. “So sorry to bother you.”

“Oh, no worries.” Hayden said.

“It’s just, we’re big fans.” She said, gesturing to the little kid, “My son, Mickey, he’s your biggest fan. Could we…”

She held up her phone, and Hayden got the idea. “Yeah, sure. Of course.”

The kid seemed torn between staying hidden and actually taking the picture, but eventually he came over and stood in front of Hayden. They posed, two peace signs each, while his mom took the picture.

“Thank you so much!” The woman said, “It means the world to him, he’s just a little nervous.”

Hayden gives her a good natured smile. “No worries! No problem, being nervous. I get nervous sometimes.”

Mickey, who had returned to the safety of her legs, looked up at Hayden with a furrowed brow as if to say ‘yeah right man’

“I do!” Hayden said. He did not disclose that he’d actually been working himself up into a panic attack when they came up to him. “Before big games. Before awards. When I meet players I grew up watching.”

This seemed to convince the kid a little more.

“You play?” Hayden asked him.

“Yea.” Which was the first word Mickey had actually said.

“What position?”

“Goalie.” Mickey said, barely audible, but Hayden had said in his seat and leaned forward so he was just about at Mickey’s height level.

Hayden nodded. “One of the most important positions. Doesn’t matter how many you score, if you’re getting scored on.”

Mickey nodded, and looked very slightly less panicked, when the loud speaker kicked on and announced they were boarding. He retreated back to his mother, who gave him another smile and a thank you. Hayden watched as they trailed back to their belongings, a few rows away from him.

Hayden was still smiling as he took his phone out of his pocket. No new messages. The smile waned. He was still so totally screwed.

The only thing that freed him from his obsessive compulsion to reload his phone over and over, checking for new messages, was airplane mode. 

And that left him alone with his thoughts, which were worse.

How would he break this to Shane? What would he even break to Shane? He wasn’t sure what the fuck had even happened with Rozanov. He couldn’t just come out for Shane. Lily’s entire existence was a mystery, let alone her sudden disappearance.

He ended up turning on The Martian as an inflight movie because he was pretty sure he’d start hyperventilating if he didn’t distract himself.

Traveling, especially by plane, had always been such a drag for Hayden. It was generally uncomfortable, but it was also inconvenient. Planes were delayed or canceled, the airports were always a maze, baggage took forever to come out. Then once you actually get all your stuff, driving away, whether it’s in your own car, or a taxi, is just a nightmare. The traffic around airports is notoriously horrible, and often has Hayden sitting on a parkway, for hours.

Except today.

Today, the gate Hayden gets off of, is right next the exit, clearly marked. His suitcase is one of the first ones off the plane and on the conveyer, and Shane had had the foresight to book a driver to take him home.

All of which is nice, and convenient.

But when the streets surrounding the airport are almost empty, Hayden thinks there is some legitimate divine intervention going on. Or some trickster whose sole goal is to deliver Hayden to Shane, promptly.

He stands on his own front step less than an hour after getting off the plane. He’d already been dropped off at home. Well, Shane’s home. Unloaded his bags, ate some lunch, stared at a wall. He didn’t give Shane a specific time to expect him, but at a certain point, putting off the inevitable was making him just as anxious as facing it.

He rang his own doorbell. Quickly, his own face appeared in the door.

Shane looked about as bad as Hayden did, which yeah. Fatherhood will do that.

The house was… very clean and quiet actually. Hayden looked around. Shane stared at Hayden while Hayden looked around.

Then they both stared at each other.

So they hadn’t magically switched back yet. Which wasn’t good. Hayden’s test run as Shane had gone poorly, he was not prepared to keep it up.

He just needed to bite the bullet. Just come out and say it. What exactly? He wasn’t sure. He was going to surprise himself with whatever the fuck came out of his mouth. That seemed to be his plan this entire weekend, why stop now.

“Hayden.” Shane said. Gravely.

Hayden looked Shane in the face, actually looked at his face. While it was his face making the expression, he could easily recognize the look from seeing it on Shane’s face. Apprehension. Anxiety. Fear.

Was Hayden that obvious? Had he been able to tell Hayden had fucked up that quickly? There is no way. He could not possibly tell from thirty seconds of silence.

And Hayden, the coward that he was, spit out the first thing he could think of, that would temporarily postpone his murder.

“Where are the kids?”

Shane’s eyes went wide for a second. “Oh. Uh, Jackie’s parents picked Ruby and Arthur this morning. Jade and Amber are taking a nap.”

“That’s good.” Hayden said. “They were alright this weekend?”

“Yeah.” Shane said. “Yes. Well, they were fine. Things were fine.”

“Good.” Hayden said.

Shane still looked wracked with nerves. A thought dawned on Hayden. If he’d felt gay, then Shane would’ve felt straight. So Shane must’ve realised that Hayden had felt gay. So he knew that Hayden knew he was gay.

Hayden was ninety seven percent sure that made perfect sense.

Well, there was one problem solved. Shane knew that Hayden knew that he was gay. That explained the stress seeping out of Shane’s pores.

Now all Hayden had to do was confess to his many crimes, and possibly allow Shane to punch him in the face.

“Look, Shane.” Hayden started. “I know. You know I know.”

Shane swallowed, and then burst out, “I’m sorry! I'm so sorry! I don’t even know what happened. I mean it was a complete accident. Not that I wasn’t paying attention— I was. I just mean that there was a lot going on, and I’m really really so sorry.”

Hayden blinked. “What?”

“What?” Shane said. “You said you know?”

“That you’re gay?”

“What?” Shane exclaimed, his jaw actually dropped open. His jaw dropped. “I mean— what? Why would you… how?”

“Ok, wait.” Hayden said. “What the hell are you talking about?”

And then the bewilderment was replaced, yet again by immense stress, and what Hayden was now recognizing as guilt.

“I’m so sorry, Hayden.” Shane said. “I broke a rule.”

Chapter End Notes

ok so 90% of my office is at a work retreat today and tomorrow, meaning i will have NOTHING to do all day, so please leave me a comment so I don't wither away and die of boredom. Legit anything. thoughts on the chapter, or the story, fic recs, like tell me about the weather where you are, are what your homework is, or about your cat. i do not care.

FIC OF DA WEEK:
My favourite fic of this week is straight-laced skates all tangled up together by Anonymous!!! bruh this anon has my fucking number im sat whenever they drop a fic, LIKE WHO ARE U????

I'm on a podfic kick lately so I actually didn't 'read' it I listened to [PODFIC] straight-laced skates all tangled up together by YouAreAKitty and it was delightful 10/10 would reccomend. well i am reccomending so there u go

Chapter 5

Chapter Summary

this chapter was brought to you by Goobers!

Chapter Notes

guys the formatting being different in every chapter is actually an aesthetic choice and definitely not a mistake...

also i went to a club last weekend just cos someone asked me and i asked no follow up questions turns out it was a drag show, suprise! and they played all the things you said in the club and my friend and I didn't exchange a word and instantly stood apart from eachother and stared at eachother longingly in the crowd like sleeper agents. THIS. IS. NOT. ENOUUUUGH.

48 Hours Earlier

Shane had always pictured his future in a general, hazy sort of way. When he was old, he would have a house. Check. He would be a superstar hockey player. Check. He’d have  a… wife. A partner. Someone else would be there. Someone of unspecified gender was there. And children. He’d always sort of just had children in his vague idea of the future.

He was starting to think he was not cut out for the children part.

“Daaaaaaaaaa—” Ruby kept going, never finding the final ‘d’ to end her whinging of the word ‘Dad’. Or maybe she had, and her voice was just pitched up so high he couldn’t tell the difference.

So being ‘Uncle Shane’ was a lot different than being Dad.

Uncle Shane brought candy, and toys, and gave them piggyback rides. He helped clean up, and changed diapers when needed, and he watched some of the kids while Jackie or Hayden were distracted by the others.

But now he had the full attention of four children who all needed his undivided focus, all at the same time.

“Yes, yes, yes, yes?” Shane said. He was trying to make his way across the family room, which now resembled an underground bomb shelter in the Barbie Dreamhouse.

It was difficult because he was carrying baby Amber in her arms, while she made her best attempt at escaping. Meanwhile, Arthur was clinging to his leg with an admittedly impressive level of grip strength.

Ruby was camped out under the couch, which was draped in blankets and pillows from when they’d tried to make a fort but promptly gave up. “Jade stole my hair brush!”

“Did not!” Jade said. She popped out from a cabinet underneath the sink in the kitchen, hairbrush in hand. “It’s mine! It’s mine! It’s mine!

Shane’s heart dropped so fast he felt it hit his feet. So he was not a parenting expert, but he knew children should not be sitting next to cleaning solutions or rat poison. All of which were often kept under kitchen sinks.

“Hey!” Shane said, turning so fast Arthur was flung off his pant leg. He plopped to the ground, and seemed unbothered, shuffling away. “Don’t go under there!"

Jade whined, but crawled out from under the sink, holding up the brush for Shane to see. “It’s mine, Daddy!”

“OK, it’s yours.” Shane said, taking the brush from her hand. Ruby burst into tears. “Would it be OK to lend it to your sister?”

Jade looked between the brush, and Ruby, who was still kicking and screaming under the couch. She weighed her options.

“No. Mine.” Jade said, attempting to snatch the brush back. Thankfully, his reflexes were faster than hers.

“Alright!” Shane said, clapping his hands together. “Movie time! What movie are we watching?”

“Lilo!” Ruby said, pulling herself out from underneath the couch, tears gone. Magically.

“No! Elsa!” Jade said, still eyeing the hairbrush.

“Moana.” Arthur said, looking up at Shane from where he’d crawled off to.

They bickered back and forth while Shane found the clicker and settled Amber in his lap, but none of them complained when he turned Moana on.

When they were finally silent, and Moana’s admittedly great soundtrack filled the room, he had a second to check his phone. He had a few messages, but he’d gotten one from Hayden only a few minutes ago.


Shane - 10:49AM

What’s happening tonight?


Shane’s brow furrowed. What was that supposed to mean?

10:52AM

you mean with the kids?

Shane - 10:52AM

No!!

I mean with all stars

Do I have to go somewhere?


Right. The parties.

There were endless parties at these events, it drove Shane crazy. A welcome party, a meet and greet, a mixer. Just put him in a room full of a hundred people he barely knows and have all of them try and ask him the same five questions over and over again. If it weren’t for the ridiculous magical circumstances, he would’ve been glad he didn’t have to go.

After he’d informed Hayden, yes he had to go, but only for like ten minutes, Hayden asked him something he wasn’t sure how to answer.


Shane - 11:05AM

How are the kids


They were fine. He gave the room a once over. Somehow, in a few short hours, this relatively clean house had been turned inside out. Random drawers were opened in every room. Every toy that each kid had ever owned was on the floor, Ruby and Jade had both changed their outfits three times, and left the discarded clothes wherever they’d been standing.

11:08AM

they're good

I feel bad i pretty much just turned on a movie and watch them watch it

Shane - 11:10AM

That’s half of being a parent

Well except you watch them watch the same movie 3000 times

So you have that to look forward to

11:12AM

you’re really selling this whole fatherhood thing

Shane - 11:15AM

I keep it real


Since this was the first moment of relative silence that Shane had gotten all day, he was able to think for the first time.


If there was ever a weekend that he didn’t want this absolutely absurd series of events to occur, it was this one.

He’d spent a long ass time finding a stylist. He’d spent an even longer time picking out stupid, expensive clothes, that didn’t make him feel ridiculous with said stylist. He’d gone over what he was going to say, and how he’d approach. All for nothing.

Because Hayden fucking Pike was spending the weekend playing alongside Ilya, not him. Hayden Pike who not only didn’t know about Ilya and his… whole thing, but also, despised Ilya.

Because he could never ever catch a fucking break.

Shane didn’t even let himself consider the trainwreck that could occur if Hayden and Ilya accidentally did end up interacting. The situation was extremely delicate, to the point where Shane wasn’t even 100% what his plan was. He didn’t know where Ilya stood, if he was mad, if he didn’t care and had completely moved on.

He’d intended on just going there and doing something he was not great at. Reading the vibe. Adjusting accordingly.

Thankfully, Hayden hated Ilya’s guts on a mitochondrial level, so Shane wasn’t worried about the two of them chit chatting too much. He did however, feel a teeny
tiny bit of resentment towards his friend, who would be able to see Ilya all freaking weekend.

He’d been looking forward to this— ok well, maybe not looking forward to it. He’d been anticipating this weekend, ever since he and Rose broke up. If Ilya seemed willing to talk, then he was just going to come out and say it. He was gay. And he would apologize for his… freak out. And they’d talk. Not fuck. Like actually talking to each other.

Like normal people. Well, not normal. Because they’d probably do it in a hotel room, or a hallway far away from everyone, or a car maybe. And he’s not even really sure what they’d talk about, or what the outcome of that talk would be.

He’s not sure what he wants the outcome to be.

But he’s so sick of lying, and keeping secrets, and denying things about himself. And he was genuinely excited to get it all of his chest.

Moana ends before he’s ready for it to be over, and the kids snap out of their trance before the credits roll.

“I wanna go outside!” Ruby said, jumping up from the couch. Jade gasped, “Outside! Outside!”

Arthur doesn’t chime in verbally, but he started to clap excitedly, so Shane figured that they’d reached a consensus.

If wrangling children within the house is hard, trying to get them ready to go outside in Montreal in January, is impossible.

As soon as one child is fully dressed; hat, earmuffs, scarf, gloves, jacket, socks, and boots, he moves on to the next. Only to find that the first child had shed at least one article of clothes, and had either sent it flying towards their sibling, or had lost it completely.

It literally took an hour, an hour (Shane checked), to get all four children dressed. He opened the door to their backyard, and let the three oldest kids charge outside.

There was plenty of snow to play in, so Shane was able to leave them to their own devices. He’d bundled up Amber as best he could. Only the tiny circle of her face poked out of her jacket. Then he’d strapped her to his chest, and followed the other three outside.

He’d kept them on the grassy part of the backyard, away from the jungle gym near the fence that lined the perimeter. The whole playground structure was covered in ice and sleet, which was a disaster waiting to happen. He was glad that they were happily playing in the snow instead.

Watching them was actually… kind of great. They mostly played with each other, jumping from activity to activity at a moment's notice. At first, their goal was to create an army of snowmen, which had resulted in exactly one and a half snowmen, before they decided their army needed a fort.

Now they were using some plastic molds to make snow bricks, and placing them in a circle. Shane was pretty sure he recognized the mold toys from his own childhood, and a genuine smile crossed his face as he remembered how much fun he’d had building forts.

Everything had felt so much bigger back then. But he’d felt bigger too. Like he could do anything. Like he could build a fully operational fort with a piece of plastic and some snow.

He readjusted Amber, who was sitting peacefully against him, and got up. “You kids want to see what a real fort looks like?”

They erupted in cheers, so he grabbed one of the molds, and began adding his own bricks.

They managed to build something that resembled a fort. If Shane squinted. Or closed his eyes.

It was more like three walls, if by wall you mean mound of snow. He’s not sure what happened with the fourth wall, perhaps that was an aesthetic choice by the architects, but they seemed pleased by their creation.

After a while, they gave up, and demanded he pick them up and throw them into a snowbank. After testing that the snow wasn’t coated in ice or covering anything that’d break their bones on impact, he was more than happy to oblige.

Thankfully, by the time his arms were getting tired, the kids seemed tired too, and they all trudged back inside, abandoning gloves and jackets at the door.

“I’m hungry…” Jade moaned, throwing herself on the couch. Ruby nodded vigorously, “I want an Oreo for dinner.”

“Oreo!” Arthur concurred. Amber gurgled.

“Uh, I don’t know about Oreo’s,” Shane said, approaching the kitchen. Inside the fridge were a few tupperware boxes, filled with left overs. Mac n cheese, spaghetti and meatballs, and salad.

He took them out, opened all of the containers and stepped back. “How about leftover night?!” He said, turning back to the fridge where he’d seen milk bottles, already filled up and ready to go.

He grabbed one, and turned back around, feeling like father of the year, only to be met by three glowering children.

“Noooooo!” Jade said, jumping up and down, and stomping her feet. “No leftovers!”

“Oreo!” Ruby repeated.

“Ok, so we’re not having Oreo’s.” Shane said, “But we’ve got lots of—”

“OREO!” Ruby said, and she took off. Not in any particular direction, just forward, til she was about to hit a wall, and then she pivoted and ran some more.

“I hate pasta!” Jade said. She’d gotten close enough to the counter to see the open containers, and she was not pleased by his offerings.

Shane would like this next part on the record. He didn’t break down and call Hayden for almost an hour.

An. Hour.

They did not stop crying, screaming, running, or fighting, for the entirety of that hour. He was briefly able to convince Arthur to try the mac n cheese, but Ruby and Jade took this as a betrayal, and yelled at him till he stopped.

So when Hayden didn’t pick up the first time, he had to put the phone down on the counter and count to ten, or he was going to chuck it against a wall. Because there was a merciful god, he answered the second time.

Thankfully, Hayden was very helpful.

When he got off the phone, he felt refocused, and determined. He returned to the family room— because yes, he had retreated. Temporarily! But he returned.

He found them in pretty much the same state. Actively crying, or running, or looking through a cabinet to find Oreos.

Shane wasn’t sure if they even had Oreos.

“Ok!” Shane said, his volume surprising himself. Whatever, he was rolling with it. “Dinner tonight is mac n cheese!”

“Noo—”

“Yes!” Shane said. He closed the tupperware containers of spaghetti and salad, and put them back in the fridge. He was starting to get to know his way around Hayden’s kitchen, and quickly grabbed three plastic plates from the cupboard.

Each plate got a healthy serving of mac n cheese, and he brought all of the plates to the table in front of the TV.

“We are going to eat mac n cheese, and watch a movie.” Shane said.

“I want Oreos.” Ruby said, much more weakly than before.

“There are no Oreos. There’s mac n cheese.”

To his amazement, they all quietly made their way towards him, and sat down in front of their respective mac n cheese’s. He retrieved the bottle of milk from the kitchen, and took his own spot on the couch.

“What are we watching?” He said. One hand held the milk bottle for Amber, the other was wrapped around the clicker.

“Moana!” They all exclaimed.

Jesus fucking christ.

Shane didn’t remember tucking the kids into bed, or cleaning up the dishes for dinner, or walking around and picking up all the abandoned toys, pillows, and blankets, but at some point he must have.

He woke up the next morning when someone breathed on his face.

Arthur was standing in front of him, where he laid in bed. Directly, immediately in front of him, centimeters away from him.

Arthur exhaled again, and Shane opened his eyes.

“Daddy?” Arthur said, leaning in closer, to press his forehead against Shane’s “Are you awake?”

Shane sighed. “Yes.”

Breakfast foods were mostly sugar, so this meal was much more easily negotiated. They ate at the table this time, because he wasn’t trying to distract them into eating nutrients, and he had the leftover salad, while they chatted around him.

Amber had been easy to feed while the kids were washing their hands, and sitting at the table, and she started to fall asleep before the bottle was empty. He’d laid her down for a morning nap before he joined them at the table.

“And I finished my picture first, and Ms. Phillips said it was pretty, and I can take it home when it dries.” Ruby said.

“I didn’t finish mine.” Jade chimed in, “I couldn’t find any glitter."

“Wow, very cool.” Shane replied, while wiping milk off of Arthur’s chin. “We can hang both of them up when you get them back”

“Ok!” Ruby said, “I’m all done!”

“Wait, I’m not done.” Jade exclaimed.

Ruby started to get out of her chair, and was ready to take off when Shane said, “Woah, where are you going?”

“TV!” Ruby said, and then she booked it.

“Hey! We—” Shane started to call after her, but lost steam. “... we don’t leave the table without excusing ourselves.”

That was an arbitrary rule that his mom had enforced when he was a kid, but he’d grown fond of it in his adulthood. It was polite.

Jesus, he was boring.

“Wait for me!” Jade said, hopping off her own chair and taking after her sister.

“Just us, kiddo?” He turned to Arthur, who was trying to turn towards the TV in his booster seat, arms stretched out, reaching toward it. “Alrightly then.”

Because he was a pushover, and also, because he needed time to clean the kitchen without people holding onto his legs, he allowed it.

Cleaning the kitchen was a quick task, cereal didn’t require much preparation. He took another look in the fridge, at the remaining leftovers. Spaghetti and meatballs, and he had no idea how old they were.

Well, he felt better prepared for meals tonight, and he looked through the kitchen drawers until he came upon a collection of take-out menus. Hallelujah.

What do children like to eat? Pizza. And pizza, they would get.

He put the rest of the menus back, after snagging the first pizza place that was on top of the pile. D’Angelo’s would have to wait for later, but he felt better already. He was not sure he could handle a repeat of the night before.

Before he started to head back into the family room, he heard Amber fussing on the baby monitor.

But when he arrived by the side of her crib, she’d all but calmed herself back down. She laid in the middle of the crib, swinging her feet in the air, and trying to catch her ankles with her hands, just missing, because her arms were too short.

Shane leaned on the side of a crib and watched her for a few moments, as she kicked and giggled, all the while, she smiled at him.

He could watch all day, he thought to himself, a little shocked. The future he’d been avoiding thinking about in too much detail came into sharper focus every second.

A few little kids, playing in the snow together, skating on the lake by the cottage, watching movies. The person next to him came into focus too. Tall, curly blond hair, sarcastic grin—

He’s snapped out of his train of thought by a text message buzzing in his back pocket, but he’s glad for it. His imagination was getting a little too crazy, and it was better not to think that far ahead, at least for now.

He checked his phone in case it was from Hayden, only to see a message from Jackie.


My gorgeous beautiful wife - 7:28AM

HeyyYYYY

Ur so sexy i miss you

Are kids good

I love you so much

[10 Images Attached]

Am i hot in this


Shane didn’t really want to look at the photos. Was this included in Hayden’s ‘don’t have sex with my wife’ rule? Or was it worse to ignore Jackie? He really wasn’t sure what he’d say if he did look. He resolved to respond as little as possible, so he wasn’t ignoring, but he wasn’t engaging

7:30AM

the kids are good!

they miss you a lot

are you having fun?

That was good. A little bland.

It covered the important stuff. As he went to put his phone back in his pocket, he accidentally caught a glimpse of one of the pictures she’d sent and… she did look hot. Really hot.

Holy shit.

Jackie had actually never looked so sexy in her life, as far as Shane was concerned. It made his stomach turn a little bit, because he genuinely thought of Jackie as a sister… but good lord she was smoking hot.

After that, he sort of couldn’t help himself. He looked through the pictures, out of sheer curiosity.

There were a few of Jackie and her sister, both laying on beach chairs at the side of a pool. But the others were Jackie in her hotel room, in her bikini. Nothing nude, thank god, Shane didn’t want to go there.

It was the strangest thing, finding a woman sexually attractive. Something he’d been waiting for, hoping for even, his entire life.

He always thought he’d been missing this. This normal human experience, of seeing a beautiful woman, and wanting to have sex with her. It was actually crazy to him now, how many times he’d seen Jackie, and how physically attractive she was had never crossed his mind.

But he knew deep down, he hadn’t been missing out. He’d felt this before. He’d felt this exact feeling, just as deeply, as desperately. All his life, he’d been having this experience, and hating every second of it. 

Well. Not every second.

Another text came in and he swiped out of the photos like he’d been caught doing something wrong.


My gorgeous beautiful wife - 7:35AM

U didn’t say how sexyyyy i was

So sexxxxy rite

7:36AM

you look incredibly sexy, as always

I can’t wait for you to come home.

Shane figured that was fine. And he really needed to put the phone away and postpone the existential crisis he was having.

Before he tucked it into his pocket, he paused. Maybe he’d gone crazy due to sleep deprivation, or from having watched Moana ten to many times, but he opened up the search bar and typed ‘Rose Landry’.

His mouth literally fell open a little when the first picture came up in the search results.

It was like he’d never even looked at Rose before. He’d never seen her.

She was the most attractive woman he had ever seen, ever, in his life. He replayed his memories of her in his head, trying to see how he didn’t notice how gorgeous she was. But nope. Nothing. Not once had he thought she was hot.

Beautiful? Sure. The way a painting was.

She did not look like a painting now.

How did everyone not know he was gay? What other possible explanation could there be for Shane’s ambivalence towards their breakup?

He’s shocked out of his trance by the kids.

“Daddy?” He heard a little voice from the family room. He closed the browser and haphazardly shoved his phone in his pocket and quickly went to see what they needed.

Ruby was laying on the couch, face down with her head in a pillow. Jade and Arthur were squished together on the arm chair watching the movie.

“Hey, guys?” Shane said, “All good?”

“You watch?” Arthur said, pointing to the TV, “Moana!”

Shane barely held back a wince, when Jade yelled, “No! Elsa!”

“How about… hockey?” Shane said.

Crickets.

They couldn’t agree on a movie, so Shane pulled up the Disney Channel and let whatever rerun was airing play, and the kids just accepted it after a few moments. He settled on the couch next to Ruby, who had barely said a word during the television deliberations, so he tapped her on the shoulder.

“Ruby?” Shane said, “Doing OK?”

She grumbled into the pillow.

“English, please?”

“My tummy hurts.” She said, poking her head out from the pillow, “I don’t feel good.”

And as if he was a sleeper agent, Shane activated.

After a quick survey of her symptoms; upset stomach, warm forehead, red in the face, lethargy, and headache, he sprung into action.

She was quarantined to the guest room, rebundled in clean PJs, her temperature taken (very slight fever), and chicken soup was being heated on the stove.

The other kids didn’t seem to notice the going ons around them, happily watching KC Undercover.

Amber cried out a few times, but Ruby didn’t mind when he left her alone, quickly drifting off into a nap, tangled up in the big guest bed.

Bouncing between the three groups took all of the morning, and most of the afternoon, all of them needing different food at different times, and then Amber needed to be burped, Jade and Arthur were bored and wanted to play with LEGOs, Ruby had a sore throat but didn’t like cough syrup.

Shane didn’t stand in one room for more than five minutes the entire day, but he felt a sense of satisfaction alongside his exhaustion. He sat alongside Jade and her LEGO farm, with Amber laying on a blanket next to him, and Arthur next to her, making faces at her, trying to get her to laugh.

“I wanna go outside.” Jade said after she’d placed the final brick of her farm house. “I wanna play horses.”

She picked up the miniature horse from her set and made it gallop on Shane’s leg.

“I don’t know if that’s a good idea,” Shane said, “Ruby still doesn’t feel good, and I don’t want any of you guys to get sick too.”

“Ahhh!” Jade said, collapsing backwards in a huff. But she gave in pretty quickly, especially after he set up Frozen.

It was starting to get dark the first time that Shane was able to sit down in a room alone that day. The kids were washing their hands for dinner, except Ruby who had conceded, and taken cough medicine. Which promptly put her to bed.

He was pretty sure he’d be able to put on the All Stars game for a little bit while they ate, since they were so excited for pizza.

He checked his phone. Nothing from Hayden, a few more pictures from Jackie which Shane reacted to with fire and heart emojis, and tried not to look at them too closely.

“Arlight, alright, alright.” He said, coming back into the kitchen. The kids were waiting at their spots at the table, and he quickly served them a slice each, although he cut Arthur’s into smaller bite sized pieces.

He was not able to put on the game, but he found he didn’t actually mind that much, perfectly happy to sit among the kids and listen to them chatter, even when Jade asked to go outside for the fifth time that day, and Arthur started throwing his pizza bites at the ceiling.

After a quick cleanup of dinner, he had them resituated on the couch. He’d thought Hayden had been exaggerating when he said 50% of parenting was watching them watch TV, but the kids didn’t seem to be perturbed by their constant TV watching the past two days.

“Daddy?” He heard from down the hall, as he was setting up a new movie. Tangled, which they hadn’t seen before, because Shane could not physically watch Moana or Frozen, again, possibly ever.

He went to check on Ruby a moment later. She was sitting up in the bed, on the king sized mattress.

“Feeling better?” He said, leaning on the door frame.

She yawned with her whole face, arms in the air in a stretch, before nodding. “Yup.”

She did look better, Shane thought. Not sweaty, or flushed.

“Are you sure?” Shane said, getting closer. She nodded again.

“I wanna watch.” She said, and he weighed his options. He didn’t want to get the other kids sick, but she looked alright, and was probably pretty bored. Then again, it might be a futile effort to keep one kid from spreading an illness in such close quarters. What the hell.

He plucked her out of bed, and helped her change into new PJs again, taking her temperature, which had gone down, and fixed her a piece of pizza. When he finally got back into the family room, he let her eat at the coffee table. Arthur laid on the armchair, and Amber sat in her baby swing, looking at the TV like she was actually watching the movie.

He settled into the couch, which he now had all to himself, and let himself enjoy this for a moment. Surrounded by adorable, nice kids.

Hmm.

Ruby was in front of him, shoving pizza in her face.

Arthur was laying on the armchair, possibly asleep.

Amber rocked herself in the swing.

Ruby. Arthur. Amber.

Ruby. Arth—

“Holy shit, where’s Jade?” He said, jumping up from the couch.

Ruby turned from the coffee table to look at him. “Swear!”

“Yeah, yeah.” Shane said, “Where is Jade?”

He looked around the room and saw nothing. No feet under couches, no open cupboards, no mysteriously lumpy piles of blankets.

“Out!” Arthur said, sitting up from where he laid, and pointing to the slide backdoor, which was slightly open.

“Out?” Shane said, “Oh—” shit. He said that last part in his head, because this was getting expensive.

He was outside in a second flat, no shoes, no jacket. Which he came to regret seconds later. 

But not more than he regretted every choice he’d ever made leading up until that point, because lying in the snow clutching her arm, was little Jade Pike.

Hayden didn’t answer his third phone call, or his sixth, or his eighth. If he wasn’t so deeply sorry for letting his daughter get hurt, Shane would be really really mad.

8:49PM

hey call me when you see this

can you call me

It was difficult for him to type, because around him was chaos.

Jade was crying hysterically, which led to Ruby crying out of sympathy for her twin, and so Arthur cried and so Amber cried. And now Shane was about to start crying.

“Hey, hey.” Shane said, trying to console Jade. He’d wrapped her wrist in a towel to keep it in place, and was holding a pack of ice to it now. She was definitely saying something, although it came out in garbled indecipherable sobs. “It’s ok! Can you tell me what happened?”

The only word he managed to make out was, “Fell.” Which he had already gathered. He was looking for specifics like, from what? From how far up? Had she only hurt her arm, or her head too? Was she bleeding anywhere? Did she have a headache or chest pain?

Ok, he might be getting a little ahead of himself.

She was unable to elaborate though, and he found himself strangely paralyzed.

Should he bring her to the ER? Can he give her ibuprofen? Can little kids take that? Did she have any allergies to medication? Did she have allergies to anything? Did any of Hayden’s kids have allergies to anything?

Holy shit Hayden gave him like one and a half rules. How had he broken the easiest rule he’d ever been asked to follow?

He spent another ten minutes bouncing between children, consoling them, and calling Hayden desperately whenever he had a chance.

After his twelfth call, unanswered, he found himself sitting on the floor, surrounded by screaming crying children.

He wasn’t sure if it was the never ending noise, or the way his heart was beating out of his chest, but he was so overwhelmed he couldn’t think straight. Screw his future children, house, and partner of unspecified gender. He couldn’t even handle kids for two days! He couldn’t even do what Hayden had asked, and be a good father for (He checked his watch) thirty six hours!

He took a deep breath. He looked at his phone. Nothing.

This is fine. He’s known for doubling down under pressure. Performing better than average when the odds were against him.

He was captain of a motherfucking hockey team. He’d gone to the Olympics. He’d won the Stanley Cup. Twice! Back to fucking back!

He was Shane fucking Hollander.

And he was mentally and physically stronger than these children. He could take them.

They were little terrorists, and he was not about to negotiate. He let his deep breath go, sent Hayden one more text, and stood up.

9:13PM

is your phone working??

I’m calling you

call me back as soon as possible please

A sense of calm settled upon him in those moments. A calm he’d never experienced before. It was sort of like he watched his own body do things from across the room, never knowing what the next step was, until he was taking it.

He dressed Amber first, gave her a bottle, and strapped her to his chest. He’d parked the other three in front of the TV, watching fucking Moana, because this was a break glass in case of emergency situation, that only Moana could save.

Then Arthur, because he seemed tired and was less likely to fight. Once dressed, he returned him to the couch, and snagged Ruby. She was still lethargic, but she bended to his will, and put on real clothes and her coat. In fact, she was so tired, that when he deposited her back on the couch, she forgot to take it all off again.

Jade was last. He moved her gently, putting on her shirt and jacket one sleeve at a time, careful not to bump her arm, like a game of Operation.

Herding them into the car was also easier than expected, until it was time to strap everyone into their respective car seats which was comparable to defusing a bomb for some reason. Why did every one of them have a different buckle situation?

When he came back to his own body, he was in the driver's seat. Four kids behind him, none of them happy, but hell, neither was he.

The ER closest to them wasn’t busy, because the universe had seen Shane’s plight, and deigned to cut him a break. He filled out the paperwork, and answered the doctors questions as best he could, having no idea about Jade’s medical history.

They looked at him like the clueless kind of father who didn’t know his kids birthday, and he let them. Sorry, Hayden.

The other kids were so exhausted they sort of just sat in their chairs, almost falling asleep sitting up. Shane would be lying if he didn’t doze off for a second or two himself, before they called Jade’s name and he went with her to see the doctor.

Jade sprained her wrist, and got a brace. She didn’t like it because it itched, but she did like that it was purple. When the nurse came by with a packet of stickers to decorate it with, she was sold.

The whole ordeal lasted less than two hours, but Shane felt like he’d aged ten years. When he finally got home, the kids barely even needed to be put to bed, they sort of just went.

He kind of felt like he’d blacked out between leaving the house and getting back, and all of a sudden he found himself in the middle of a trashed family room, in silence. He glanced down at his phone, messages still unanswered.

So when Hayden was done tearing him a new one for failing to follow simple instructions, and watch his children for less than three days, Shane would kindly request he checked his phone more often. If he felt like he was in a position to make requests, which time would tell.

He shot Hayden a text, trying to sound reassuring. He was still at the All Stars Game, and him worrying about Jade, and hell, him worrying about Shane being able to take care of the rest of his kids, wouldn’t help.

10:43PM

ok so I’m good actually

figured it out

He rearranges Hayden’s bed so the pillow is in the middle, and he lies on his back in pitch darkness.

“Ok. So there was one small problem.” Shane started to say, then stopped himself.

“Ok, so I fucked up.” Too harsh. Plus, swear jar.

“Jade sprained her wrist.” Too blunt.

“Everyone is fine!” Which was a lie.

Over and over again, Shane tried to figure out the best possible way to deliver the news that Shane had completely failed to follow Hayden’s minimal rules. Nothing was right, and then again, was there a right way to say this?

He fell asleep before he thought of one.

*

“But, she’s alright?” Hayden said, when Shane was done. He was breathing a little heavy, and Hayden reached out to put a steadying hand on his shoulder. Shane looked up at him with wide eyes, looking deeply confused.

“I mean… yes?” Shane said. “But she sprained her wrist. While I was watching her.”

“And you took her to the ER?” Hayden asked. Shane nodded.

“And you were able to get all the kids dressed and calmed down?” Hayden asked.

“Yeah.”

Hayden nodded. “Not bad.”

Shane blinked at him. “What?”

Now Hayden blinked at him. “What?”

“Not bad? Not bad?” Shane exclaimed. “She sprained her wrist! Under my watch!”

“Last year, Ruby pushed Arthur off the swingset while I was watching them.” Hayden said. “I took them all to the ER too, but it was a nightmare.”

“...OK.”

“It’s just… that’s parenthood. Kids are constantly trying to kill themselves.” Hayden said. “And it’s not like you were outside for a smoke break, or scrolling on your phone. You were torn between a toddler, a sick kid, and a baby. Besides, Jade’s always unlocking doors, it’s her new thing. Do you know how many times I’ve found her under the sink?”

Shane still looked slightly shellshocked, and Hayden thought it was best to let him process.

“I am going to… go check in on her.” Hayden said. “Just make sure she’s ok. But I’m… I’m not mad at you. I can tell you really tried your best.”

Shane nodded half heartedly, and Hayden took that as his cue to stand up.

Jade was just where Shane had left her. In her bed, tucked into three different blankets, with a pillow under her sprained arm and an iPad in the other hand.

“Uncle Shane!” She exclaimed. Hayden’s heart twinged a bit. He was a little put off about being called ‘Uncle Shane’ when he was her father.

“Hey kiddo!” Hayden said, “I heard you took a tumble.”

Jade nodded gravely. “I was being a horse.”

Hayden nodded sagely, like that made sense. “Understandable.”

“I fell.” She continued with a shrug.

“Sounds scary.”

“Yeah.” She said, cocking her head to the side and thinking about it. “But Daddy knew what to do, and now I feel better. But I’m not allowed to play horses anymore.”

“Well, injured horses need rest.”

That seemed to console her slightly. She perked up, gesturing to her iPad. “Do you wanna watch Frozen with me?”

“No.” Hayden said, way too quickly. “I mean, you’ve already started it… I’d be lost.”

He pointed to her screen, where the timestamp was ten minutes into the film. As if he couldn’t reenact the entire movie, and play every single part, by memory at this point.

She shrugged. “Maybe next time.”

Hayden nodded. “Maybe.”

He left her with that, and a satisfied smile.

He came back into the family room to find Shane in the exact same position, arms pressed against his knees, leaned over, still looking a little green.

“She’s doing great.” Hayden said. “You did a good job, taking kids to the ER can be scary.”

Shane hummed an agreement at that.

“Hey. Look at me.” Hayden said, sitting across from Shane again, and resting his hands over Shane’s.

“This was your first time ever being a father. A father of four. I had years of practice and I was still really scared. You did a great job.” Hayden said. "If I thought for  a second that my kids weren't safe with you, I wouldn't have left."

Finally, he seemed to break through Shane’s anxiety, and a little color returned to his face. He nodded stiffly. “OK. I mean, if you think she’s OK.”

“She’ll be galloping again soon.”

And Shane huffed a laugh at that, leaning back on the couch, relaxing, slightly.

“So.” Shane started, resting his hands in his lap. “How was the game? I couldn’t watch it. Got outvoted in favor of Moana like six times.”

Hayden was about to launch into his own Disney+ horror stories, when he remembered that he had monumentally fucked up.

“Uh, it was good.” Hayden said weakly. “We won.”

“Oh, that’s good.” Shane said mildly. “And you didn’t have any, like problems? With the things I told you about?”

“OK.” Hayden said, wrestling his face into something serious, trying not to let the overwhelming panic seep into his expression. “Do you remember how cool I was, just now? About you ‘breaking a rule’ and all that?”

Shane paused, his brow furrowing. “...yeah?”

“I just— let’s just keep that in mind, going forward.” Hayden said. “Because I was really really cool when you broke a rule.”

Chapter End Notes

ok i'm tweaking out about something IRL so I need everyone to be VERY VERY nice to me in the comments or i will actually lose it. thanks!

also i thought this was funny:
you guys in the comments: how tf did shane break a rule?? hayden gave him TWO (2) rules!!!!!!
shane: how tf did I break a rule?? Hayden gave me TWO (2) rules!!!!!!

ok also lots of ppl guess shane slept w jackie... yall that never even crossed my mind, that's sacrilegious. also legit let me know if I need to go back into prev chapters and make it more clear that Jackie left for her cruise very early Friday morning and will not return until monday afternoon/night, cos I specifically put her far away from this clusterfuck so that Shane/Jackie wouldn't even be a possibility.

also thanks to whoever recced my fic on reddit <3 made my day for real!

okie dokie my fic of the week! where the lovelight gleams by gurlsrool. yes this is a christmas fic. yes i read this in march and it is now april. god forbid a girl wants to get in the christmas spirit.

I specifically listened to the podfic version: Podfic - where the lovelight gleams by DiabolicalWordreader this is going to sound weird but i love their voice like i could listen all day ok yes that is creepy. but theyve done a bunch of HR podfics and they're great so go check them out!! And the OG fic of course it's so good.

ok this end note is becoming it's own chapter but if you haven't seen Project Hail Mary RUN don't (space) walk to the theatre and yes i mean theatre. space movies must be seen in theatres its a law.

Chapter 6

Chapter Notes

sorry about the wicked late chapter I had a really sexy mental break down. In other news having a real job is not fun anymore it's actually really scary and stressful. Was anyone else aware of this?

Hayden couldn’t fully hear Shane. His palms, which were pressed against his mouth, muffled whatever he was saying. But he got the gist.

“Oh. My. God.” (Hayden thought) Shane said.

He couldn’t really see Shane’s face either. All ten fingers were splayed over it, covering his eyes. But, being an expert in body language, Hayden suspected that he was… upset.

“Yes, OK. It sounds bad, but—” Hayden started.

“Hold on,” Shane said, finally pulling a hand away from his face to bring it up, silencing him. “Just… stop for a second.”

But Hayden didn’t want to stop. As soon as he’d started, it was like the words were pouring out of his mouth. Worst of all, he’d barely even begun confessing when Shane’s eye started twitching, and his hands met his face.

“It’s just— it’s all Rozanov’s fault!” Hayden exclaimed.

He let this declaration hang in the air for a moment.

“It’s Rozanov’s fault that you got wasted on one vodka cran?” Shane asked. “And then drank whole milk?”

OK, he’d started with the small stuff. Sue him!

And to be fair, it was Rozanov’s fault in a roundabout sort of way. Without Rozanov, Hayden wouldn’t have realised that Shane was super super gay. At least not so quickly. No gay awakening meant no panic attack at the club meant no chugging his drink to calm down.

And without any of that, he wouldn’t have been hungover and forgotten about Shane’s diet, and ordered whole milk the next morning.

So yeah, actually. It was Rozanov’s fault. Unfortunately, Hayden couldn’t explain all of that without… explaining all of that. And he was trying to ease Shane into the whole situation.

“Well, yes. But also, no. Sort of?”

“Well, it’s sort of going to be your fault when you start shitting your pants in,” Shane glanced over at the clock on the wall. “...six hours.”

“Wait, what?” Hayden said.

“I’m lactose intolerant,” Shane said.

“You didn’t say that!” Hayden exclaimed.

“I told you to stick to my diet!” Shane exclaimed right back.

“Hey, I ate plain chicken and rice all weekend,” Hayden said. “I tried! Really!”

“Just saying, if we switch back before then, I’m telling Jade the Tooth Fairy isn’t real.”

Hayden gasped. “You wouldn’t.”

Shane narrowed his eyes. “Mhm. Well, it’s not her fault. Fine. I’ll tell her there’s a small bill shortage and she should expect twenties from the Toothy Fairy going forward.”

Now Hayden really gasped. “You’re a monster.”

Shane shrugged. And for a beat, they both sat there, before Shane stood up from where he’d been sitting on the couch, hands tucked into his pockets. “Honestly, I’m not really mad. I mean, it was a stressful weekend, it makes sense you broke a rule.”

Hayden swallowed. “Right.”

“And at the end of the day, no harm, no foul, right?”

“...right.”

“Besides, we have bigger problems,” Shane said, and for a second, Hayden had no idea what he was talking about. He was so overwhelmed by all of the stuff he had to admit to, he’d sort of forgotten about any other ongoing problems.

When Hayden didn’t respond, or probably more specifically when Hayden stared back at Shane with wide, confused eyes, Shane’s eyebrows furrowed. “The bodyswap?”

OH!

Right, the science fiction nightmare they were living through.

“Yes. Yes.” Hayden said, nodding solemnly.

“And um, that other thing you mentioned.” Shane said. When Hayden looked back up, Shane had averted his gaze to the edge of the coffee table.

OH!

“The gay thing?”

Shane winced. “Yeah. That.”

“I mean… I don’t have a problem with that. At all.” Hayden narrowly avoided mentioning his gay history teacher, but only by literally biting his own tongue.

He only trusted himself to let go of said tongue when Shane looked up with suddenly glassy eyes. “You don’t?”

“No, man.” Hayden said, bridging the distance between them and resting his hands on Shane’s shoulders. “You’re like my brother, Shane. There’s nothing you could do to get rid of me, least of all that.”

If Hayden hadn’t been standing so close, he might not have seen the way Shane swallowed hard, or blinked away his tears. Which was actually making Hayden tear up a little, so he pulled Shane into a hug to save them both from the embarrassment.

After a beat, while his head still rested on Shane’s shoulder, Hayden mumbled. “Although you have terrible taste in men.”

Shane huffed a laugh, and for a second, Hayden laughed back. When Shane went very still all of a sudden. A moment later, he was pulling away from the hug.

“Wait, what?” Shane said. “What do you mean?”

Hayden scoffed, “Roz, man. I mean, did you think I wouldn’t pick up on that?”

“Pick up on what?” Shane repeated lowly. “Did you talk to him?”

“Barely—” Hayden said, and he could see Shane starting to interrupt, “Hey, hey! I swear I didn’t go up to him. I tried to stay away!”

That was one rule Hayden could say he very genuinely tried to follow. It wasn’t his fault that Rozanov seemed to have a lojack on him.

“What do you mean, tried?” Shane said. “What did you say?”

“Nothing! Barely anything!” Hayden said. “And he was the one, like, stalking me.”

Shane blinked, and the tension in his body very slightly released. Very slightly.

“He… came up to you?” Shane said. “He wanted to talk to you?”

“To shit talk, mostly.” Hayden shrugged. “But trust me, I gave back as good as I got.”

“No, wait, Hayden.” Shane said. “What did he say? Like, what exactly did he say?”

Hayden paused. He wasn’t actually sure about that. His mind had mostly been concerned with avoiding or losing Roz, not taking notes on their conversations.

“Man, I don’t know!”

“You don’t know?” Shane said. “How could you not know?”

“You told me to stay away!” Hayden said. “I was trying to… do that!”

Shane rolled his eyes.

“Hey, it was actually kind of hard! He was everywhere. Seriously, he’s obsessed with you or something.” Hayden said, running a hand through his hair, and taking a deep breath. “And it didn’t help that I wanted to jump his bones the entire time, thanks for the warning, by the way!”

Shane winced at that. “Oh. You noticed that?”

“Noticed?” Hayden said, half laughing, “Yeah, I noticed, man. Jesus.”

Shane dragged a hand down his face, “OK, sorry— I mean, I didn’t know that would happen. It was kind of a shock on my end, too.”

And then Hayden remembered that Shane had had his phone all weekend, while his beautiful, sexy wife went on vacation, where she was drinking and wearing bikinis.

“Hey, wait a second!” Hayden said. “Did you—”

“No!” Shane said. “Jesus, no. What do you even think I did?”

Hayden shrugged helplessly. “I don’t know! Sext?”

Shane made a face, which Hayden didn’t like one bit. “Hey, what was that?”

“What was what?”

“The face!”

“There’s no face.”

“You made a face.”

“It’s your face!”

“It’s my wife!” Hayden said. “Did you sext my wife?”

“Barely!” Shane said. “And it was for you! I didn’t want to! It’s Jackie, she’s like a… a Jackie!”

“A Jackie?”

“Look, I never even noticed how hot she was, literally not once. Until yesterday.” Shane said. “And I only responded because she started getting mad. At you! So you’re welcome, actually.”

Hayden considered that. “Fair enough.”

Now, both out of breath from their animated discussion, they relocated back to the couch.

“So. You’re gay.”

“Yes.” Shane said, and then after a pause, he continued. “I actually… I sort of just realised that. But I didn’t realise how gay I was until all of this?”

“... how gay?” Hayden asked. “Are there levels?”

“I guess!” Shane said. “I just… Rose? How did I never see how gorgeous she is?”

Hayden nodded absentmindedly. “Yeah. No, that would be a pretty big sign.”

“I mean, Jesus, am I like the gayest man ever?” Shane said. “I dated her! I had sex with her! Nothing! Nada! I had to close my eyes!”

Hayden scoffed. “Well, you don’t do anything halfway, do you?”

Shane rolled his eyes. “Yeah, I win at gay too. I should get a trophy made.”

Hayden had a few ideas about the structure a trophy for the gayest man could take, but he wasn’t sure Shane would see his phallic vision.

He wasn’t even able to pitch the idea, because Shane opened his mouth, then closed it, then opened it again.

“What?” Hayden said, taking pity on him.

“Um, it’s just…” Shane started, then petered off. He started again, working himself up to whatever it was he wanted to say. After a moment, he finally just spat out. “Rozanov?”

“Yeah?” Hayden said, very unsure what the question was.

“So, you don’t remember exactly what you talked about, but do you remember like… anything?”

Hayden sighed and looked back on the weekend. In the grand scheme of things, he actually hadn’t spoken to him very much, probably in large part due to Hayden intentionally avoiding him and hiding in the hotel room for most of the weekend. Every time they did run into each other, it was usually over in a matter of minutes. Except that last time.

That last time, which Hayden was actually beginning to somewhat regret. Not for Rozanov, fuck that guy, but it seemed like another thing Hayden had screwed up for Shane. Clearly, they had some weird dynamic that Hayden was sorry he’d ever gotten involved in, and Hayden yelling at Roz couldn’t have helped.

“Um. He asked about Rose.” Is what Hayden landed on. Because now that he thought about it, Rozanov had asked about Rose. A few times, actually.

This seemed to surprise Shane as much as it had surprised Hayden.

“Rose?” Shane asked. “What do you mean he asked about Rose?”

Hayden shrugged. “He asked about her. Like the first night, they were making fun of me for not going out— said I needed to call the girlfriend or whatever. And then Rozanov sort of asked if we, well you, were engaged.”

“Engaged?” Shane said, the tension and anxiety that had seemed to hold him at gunpoint were gone, replaced by bewilderment. “OK, what the hell? Why would he— oh my god. OK. OK. That’s it?”

“Um. No.” Hayden said. Before Shane could freak out more, Hayden just continued. “After you called me on Friday, he kind of… appeared. Asked if I was calling her.”

“...OK,” Shane said, much more subdued this time. “That’s… OK, that’s weird.”

“Yeah, I thought so.” Hayden said, mulling over all their interactions. Everything about that weekend had been weird, so he hadn’t really had time to process the specific Rozanov weirdness. “Well, OK, it was weird, but he was still a huge dick, so I guess not that weird.”

Shane scoffed and nodded, kind of like he was off in his own head, not fully listening. Hayden took that as his cue. He was just going to really casually explain, and now he could rightfully blame Rozanov!

“He was all like, ‘Don’t be lonely loser, Hollander.’ I mean fuck that guy, right?” Hayden said. And then Hayden knew Shane wasn’t listening because he didn’t even comment on the bad Russian accent.

“So I sort of thought… maybe he knew you guys had broken up somehow… and well, I hadn’t put the whole gay thing together yet, and I thought ‘I’ll show him.’” Hayden said. “And man, haha, I don’t know what got into me, but I actually… I sort of, um texted Lily.”

Hayden could pinpoint the moment his words actually reached Shane’s ears. The somewhat bland spacey look was wiped from his face in a second, replaced by a different kind of blank stare.

His eyes stayed locked for a second before he slowly pulled his focus to Hayden. Still blank, not blinking, but clearly covered with that all too familiar anxiety. And something else.

For the first time since Hayden had started fessing up, Shane looked genuinely upset. Very genuinely upset.

“What did you say?” Shane asked. His voice somehow had started to sound different. Obviously, different than his own. Being Hayden’s voice. But this time it took on a different tone altogether, one Hayden didn’t recognize.

“I texted Lily,” Hayden said, his own voice coming out differently, too. Surprisingly meek.

Then Shane just stared back at him, mouth slightly agape, and rapidly blinking.

Hayden couldn’t take this anymore, not for another second. “I know! OK? OK! I know, and I’m really, really sorry, and I shouldn’t have done it, I swear to god if I could go back and just not, I would. Seriously.”

Shane still said nothing.

“It’s just… he pissed me off so much! Calling you lonely? And, and I was still really confused by the whole ‘gay for Rozanov’ thing, and that pissed me off even more. And I just… I know you really liked her, and you seemed kind of… happy! When you were texting her, I mean. So I thought I could maybe help? I see now that I am not helpful. I promise to never help again.”

Shane took a deep, shuddering breath. His face had returned to normal, just a tiny bit during Hayden’s rambling.

“So I know you’re mad, and I’m really sorry,” Hayden said, and then, because he couldn’t stop himself, and also because these questions had been burning in him for days, he continued. “Except, it won’t be a problem, like you won’t have to let her down again, or whatever. I sort of, um, took care of that. By the way, what happened there? And was she really just a friend? Did she break up with you? I kind of figured you broke up with her, because… the gay thing. Or were you still trying to be straight when you two were talking? Does she know you’re gay? I started to feel kind of bad when I realised I was sort of leading her on.”

Shane’s face looked about fifty percent less utterly shocked, so Hayden just shut up and waited. Actually, he waited quite happily. Like he’d finally shifted something weighing him down off his back, he could breathe again. He’d come out and said it. Whew.

“Lily is a man.” Shane said.

And now Hayden wore an equally shocked expression, except it only lasted a beat. Because fucking OBVIOUSLY? How had he come up with ten different theories on what could be going on with Lily, and not considered the most likely out of all of them?

“Oh.”

“Yeah, oh.”

“That makes sense.” Hayden replied quietly. Then, after a pause, he offered a small explanation. “I didn’t think of that. Because… Lily. I uh, yeah I didn’t think of that.”

Shane rolled his eyes. “Oh, Jackie’s legal name is ‘my gorgeous beautiful wife’?”

Hayden shook his head. “Nope. I admit that was an oversight on my part."

“OK.” Shane said, and he took another deep breath. “Yes, he is aware I am gay… and I was kind of trying to be straight I guess. I mean, not with him. With Rose. We weren’t dating or anything. No one broke up with anyone. I sort of just, left. And then we didn’t talk again.”

“Oh.” Hayden said. He was sort of in shock. It was like they’d found Bigfoot, or had proven aliens were real. He’d spent months wondering what had happened with Lily. Before that, he’d spent years wondering what was happening with Lily. And now, he just knew.

“Yeah.” Shane said, and then he turned his head towards the window, away from Hayden. “We weren’t really friends. He wanted to be. I think. I wasn’t… like I said, I sort of just got OK with all of this.”

“That’s totally fair.” Hayden said, tentatively reaching a hand out to rest on the crook of Shane’s elbow. “I mean, if you weren’t ready, you weren’t ready.”

“I guess.” Shane said, quietly, then scoffed. “I don’t know why, I’m even telling you all of this. I mean, fuck, man. Why would you go through my texts? That was like, the biggest rule.”

“I thought avoiding Rozanov was the biggest rule.”

Then Shane didn’t just scoff, he actually laughed out loud. “Yes! It was! And you don’t even— I mean, you didn’t really follow that rule either!”

“I know, OK!” Hayden said, “And I swear, I tried to stay away from him! As soon as I realised you were like… into him, I felt really bad!”

“Into him?” Shane said, somehow, even more mad.

“Yes? I mean, I just thought if I was into him when I was you, and I don’t like the guy, you must also be kinda into him, even though you hate him.”

Shane started to form a sentence, but it sort of sputtered into unintelligible noises.

“Don’t worry though man, I played it really cool, he still has no idea.” Hayden said. “If anything, I might’ve done you a favor, he’ll probably leave you alone from now on.”

“What?” Shane exclaimed. He hadn’t actually raised his voice since Hayden had come clean about texting Lily, until just then.

“I just told him to fuck off, y’know?” Hayden said. All of a sudden he felt less like he was reassuring Shane, and more like he was defending himself. “Like grow up, and leave you alone.”

Shane’s twitch returned at the same time his nostrils flared. He turned so he could look directly at Hayden. In a once again quiet voice, and a much lower tone, Shane said. “Hayden. Tell me exactly what you said to him right the fuck, now.”

Hayden didn’t recognize the molten lava look on Shane’s face from his friend’s array of expressions, or his own. Like he’d been literally possessed by rage, and Shane thought if he stared at Hayden hard enough, he could make him burst into flames. 

Before Hayden had a chance to reply, a small voice cut through the thick silence. “Swear jar, Daddy.”

They both turned and saw Jade standing in the middle of the hallway, blanket in one hand, wrapped around the brace, the other clinging to an iPad.

Hayden was the one who got up to help her for a few reasons. First of all, she was his daughter, and he hadn’t seen her all weekend, and he missed her. Secondly, because Shane seemed to be having some sort of internal breakdown, and was not in the place to be finding iPad chargers, or reading bedtime stories to children. Third, and most importantly, because Hayden wanted to get as far away from him as he possibly could, because Shane was seething.

When he came back into the main room, Jade settled back in her bed, Shane wasn’t there. He momentarily panicked, but before he could spiral, he heard Amber coo over the baby monitor on the counter.

He found himself in the doorway of her nursery, watching Shane quietly soothe her to sleep before laying her back down in the crib. When he turned around, he looked calmer and less… extremely angry. Then he looked up and noticed Hayden watching, and the scowl returned.

He brushed past Hayden in the doorway, not waiting for him as he made his way back into the main room. Shane stopped in the kitchen with both palms pressed to the edge of the counter, bracing him against it.

Another deep breath. “OK. I need you to tell me everything. And I need you to remember. As much as you can possibly remember. Please.”

“About Rozanov?” Hayden asked.

“Yes.” Shane said, “About him, and about… Lily. What you said to, uh them.”

“Well, I didn’t actually say much to Lily, we just talked about what we were doing, killed time and stuff.” Hayden said. “I really don’t know what happened there.”

“What happened?”

“He sort of blocked me.”

Shane ran his hands over his face once again, and Hayden absentmindedly worried that he was going to get acne from touching it so much. Probably not the time.

“Why did he block you, Hayden?” Shane said, no longer looking at Hayden. He’d gone back to bracing his hands against the counter, staring straight down, and he wasn’t yelling or outwardly angry anymore. It was more like resignation, which left a big pit at the bottom of Hayden’s stomach. Or that may have been the whole milk.

“I don’t know.” Hayden said. “We were talking… it was fine. Then all of a sudden: blocked.”

Shane groaned, and threaded his fingers through his hair. “That doesn’t make— OK, OK. Just, what did you say to Rozanov, then?”

Hayden had temporary whiplash from the topic change, but he was not about to poke that bear. “Well, when he asked about the engagement thing, I didn’t really answer, I just sort of… snarked back.”

Shane nodded. “OK.”

“And I made some dumb joke after the phone call.” Hayden said.

“What dumb joke?” Shane asked intently.

“I don’t know!” Hayden said. “He surprised me! And I was distracted by him.”

“Distracted?” Shane said. He finally pushed off the counter, and crossed his arms across his chest. “I don’t get distracted by him.”

“Well, maybe you’re just used to it.” Hayden said. “It might’ve been less him distracting me, and more any man distracting me, for the first time in my life.”

Shane nodded, as if to say, I’ll allow that.

“So I probably told him to fuck off, or said it was his mom or something dumb.” Hayden said, shrugging. “He didn’t seem to care honestly.”

“OK, fine.” Shane said. “What else?”

And was Hayden avoiding the really bad big one that he knew would piss Shane off? Or was he simply going chronologically? Who was to say, really?

“He said some stuff on the ice.” Hayden recounted. “I didn’t even hear most of it, and I was kinda freaking out so I didn’t say much back.”

“Freaking out?” Shane said.

Hayden scoffed, “I mean yeah? It’s All Stars! And I was supposed to be God’s gift to hockey or whatever. It’s a lot of pressure!”

“Really?” Shane said. “Is it? I had no idea.”

“OK, yeah well you’re more used to that too.”

“Just keep going.”

“I guess we sort of talked more that night.” Hayden said. “I sort of realised you were like gay gay. And then I had that drink…”

He trailed off and didn’t pick back up again for a beat, so Shane chimed in. “OK? And?”

“I tried to find somewhere to like, process, and he was just there! Again!” Hayden said. “And he’d been pissing me off all weekend, and I was drunk all of a sudden, by the way how are you such a lightweight?”

“Well, I never drink during the season.” Shane said. “Which is part of my diet. Which I told you to follow.”

“Yeah, OK. Fair.” Hayden said. “But I think the drink is why I kind of… lost it.”

“Lost it?” Shane said carefully. “Lost it… how?”

“I yelled at him.” Hayden said, and he squeezed his eyes shut as his limbs subconsciously scrunched inward, like he was bracing for impact.

When no impact arrived, he opened one eye. Shane was staring back at him warily.

“Oh. OK.” Shane said. “This is starting to make slightly more sense.”

“It is?” Hayden asked. It was still making zero sense to him. Actually, he wasn’t even sure what he was trying to make sense of.

Shane narrowed his eyes, and Hayden could recognize his best friend’s ‘thinking face’ anywhere. He only broke it out when he was doing strategy with the coaches, or occasionally during a tense hand of poker. Why he needed to be deeply contemplating this, Hayden didn’t know.

“I’m not really sure what I can say.” Shane landed on after a moment, which only further confused Hayden.

“What you can say?” Hayden repeated. “Buddy, I think we’re past secret keeping time.”

“Can you just… is that it?” Shane said, waving away Hayden’s deeply confused expression.

“Uh, yeah.” Hayden said. “That was it. I didn’t see him after that.”

“OK.” Shane said, and the thinking face returned, except now he wasn’t staring consideringly at Hayden, just off in the distance.

“I mean, no one did.” Hayden added. He was really trying to remember everything he could, to help Shane piece together this puzzle, even when he wasn’t allowed to see the picture on the box.

Shane looked back over at him. “Huh?”

“He left that night.” Hayden said. “Marleau told me. Oh, by the way, you’re kind of friends with Marleau now.”

“What?!” Shane exclaimed, full attention back on Hayden now.

“You’re friends with—”

“Not that!” Shane snapped. “I mean why did he leave?”

Hayden stared back at him with wide eyes, because… how the hell should he know? Marleau didn’t even know. Hayden told Shane as much, and the distant far off gaze took over his features again.

After a minute or two of silence, Hayden gently tapped Shane’s shoulder. “Hey, buddy?”

Shane blinked and kept staring straight ahead.

“Is there—”

“Tell me everything you said to him Saturday night.” Shane said.

“Oh. Yeah, sure.” Hayden said. “Er, he made a joke about the name of the club, and I told him he was funny or whatever. But like, sarcastically. Because he isn’t.”

Shane waved that little anecdote away.

“And then… he found me in a hallway later that night.” Hayden said. “Before the club, I hadn’t really had time to notice you being… attracted to men in general. I only noticed you were into him, so I thought I’d test my theory.”

Shane nodded, urging him on.

“And well. I felt attracted to various random men. Because you are gay.” Hayden said. “I’d ordered my usual by accident, and I was sort of upset.”

“Upset?” Shane said, quirking an eyebrow up.

“Not upset. Not like homophobic upset.” Hayden said. “I guess I was more… sad.”

Shane looked so confused, he didn’t even have to ask a question before Hayden launched into his explanation. “I was afraid you thought I wouldn’t be cool with it. I know it’s not about me, OK? I read that online. I was just sad you had to deal with it alone, when I would’ve supported you.”

Shane nodded again, this time like he was accepting Hayden’s thought process. Then he chimed in. “I didn’t think you were homophobic. I just didn’t really want to deal with it. I wasn’t dealing with it.”

“Well, knowing that would’ve made me a better wingman, at least.” Hayden said, shaking his head, and startling a laugh out of Shane. Hayden grinned back at him. “Some of Jackie’s friends were starting to get offended.”

Shane scoffed. “Sorry about that.”

Hayden rolled his eyes, “Don’t apologize man, I mean fuck, you were in a tough spot. I just mean, I’ll be way better at it now.”

Shane’s grin slipped off his face in an instant, the anxiety and stress rushing in to replace it like the tide.

“Uh. No.” Shane said stiffly. “Don’t. Don’t do that.”

“Oh, you’re seeing someone?” Hayden asked.

“Can you just keep going?”

“Keep going?”

“With what happened.” Shane said intensely, “With Rozanov.”

Hayden’s brows furrowed together. “With Rozanov? Why?”

“Because I asked you to?” Shane said. “Could you please just do what I ask you? For once?”

“Jesus, yeah. Sorry.” Hayden said, and he trailed off thinking back to where he’d been.

“The hallway.” Shane interjected, reading his mind. “You drank because you were… upset.”

“Yeah. And I just sort of ran off. Found somewhere quiet. My phone was almost dead. Low battery mode. Maybe that’s why it didn’t ring when you called me.”

“And?”

“And he was there all of a sudden. Still being a dick.” Hayden said. Now he was the one running his hands over his face. “I told him to leave. Like twice.”

“What did he say?”

“He… asked if I was OK.” Hayden recounted. “He said I’d been acting weird.”

Shane said nothing, which Hayden interpreted as ‘hurry the fuck up’.

“And he was standing there, being a dick. And I was kinda buzzed. And he was… really really attractive. I don’t know, I just felt so weird. Everything was weird. All weekend he’d been stoking the flames of that stupid game you two play, except this whole time you’ve actually been like pining after him, and he didn’t even know what being near him was like for you!”

Hayden and Shane locked wide eyes. His words had surprised both of them, but no one more than Hayden. He hadn’t even been consciously thinking about that at the time.

“I just wanted him… to stop.” Hayden said quietly. “To leave you alone.”

“So you said…”

Hayden sighed. “I’m really not one hundred percent sure what I said. I was kind of drunk. I’m really sorry if I screwed things up for you, I mean you still have to see the guy and work with him. I wasn’t thinking clearly. Obviously.”

Shane took a deep breath. “And then Lily blocked you.”

Hayden shrugged. More topic change whiplash. “Uh, no.”

“No?” Shane asked.

“No.” Hayden repeated. “I got back and charged my phone. I didn’t want to wake you up, but I wanted to stay up and see if you responded to my text. And while I was waiting I figured I’d see if Lily wanted to keep talking.”

Shane leaned back and pressed his forehead to the cool kitchen counter, hands covering his neck and elbows supporting his head. “You texted Lily?”

“Yeah?”

“And then immediately got blocked.”

“Yeah?”

“After yelling at Rozanov?”

“OK, what am I missing here?”

“Oh my god, Hayden.” Shane said, pushing off the counter to face him. “You yelled at Ilya, then texted ‘Lily’ who is a man and were immediately blocked.”

“...yes?”

“Jesus fucking Christ.” Shane said. “Ilya is Lily.”

“Huh?” Hayden said stupidly. It came out so sharp and high, his voice cracked.

Shane stared at him, like he was waiting for something to load.

Meanwhile, Hayden’s brain was trying desperately to load. But things were just not computing. This system failure was outwardly expressed as: “Wait— that isn’t.

don’t. I. Hold on. Huh? I mean. Wait.”

Shane cut off his involuntary verbal malfunction. “Ilya Rozanov is Lily. Has been Lily, the entire time.”

And finally, the fog in his brain managed to clear for a second. Unfortunately the only coherent thought he could get out was this. “But Ilya Rozanov is straight.”

So straight. The posterboy of heterosexuality. If Hayden didn’t know better, the guy was trying to give a tutorial on the subject in various tabloids.

“No, he isn’t.” Shane said.

“Yes. Yes, he is.” Hayden insisted back.

“I promise you, he is not straight.” Shane said, arms refolding themselves across his chest, while he let Hayden sit with the implications of that statement.

“But he—”

“He’s into women too.” Shane said. “I mean. Obviously.”

Hayden scoffed. Yes, very obviously.

“But he’s also into men. I guess.” Shane said, and he looked… shy? Hayden had seen Shane in various kinds of awkward, uncomfortable, and self conscious.

This was new.

“So you guys have been hooking up the entire time?” Hayden asked.

Shane nodded, again not looking back up at Hayden, averting his gaze. Was he blushing?

Holy shit, he was actually super into Ilya Rozanov. And apparently, Rozanov was into him.

Hayden might’ve been worried that Shane was being played by Rozanov, fuckboy that he was, except Rozanov had been borderline following Shane around. And then when Hayden thought he was texting Lily, he was really talking to Rozanov who… wanted to watch a movie?

In an instant, Hayden’s entire understanding of the whole weekend shifted on its axis. He replayed every moment, seeing things that weren’t there before. Oh, wow. This was somehow, miraculously, even worse than Hayden thought.

His realisation must’ve shown on his face, because moments after he had it, Shane snapped him from the train of thought.

“What?” Shane said. “What is… why do you look like that?”

“Um. So I may have fucked up, really really badly.” Hayden said.

“Yeah?” Shane said, and Hayden figured he was referring to all the fucking up that had already been addressed.

“No, like.” Hayden gulped. “Even more badly.”

“How?”

“Well…” And then Hayden reexplained everything he’d said to Rozanov and Lily again, except this time with an alternative perspective.

“So he wasn’t asking about Rose?”

“No.” Hayden said. They’d made their way back to the living room after checking on the girls one more time. Hayden found himself curled up in the corner of the couch clutching an oversized pillow while Shane sat on the coffee table, bent elbows resting on his knees. “He was asking about you.”

“I don’t get it.”

“He doesn’t care about Rose,” Hayden said, which was an oversimplification, but whatever. “He wanted to know how serious you two were. If you’d moved on.”

“Moved on?” Shane repeated back, “We weren’t dating.”

Hayden rolled his eyes with his entire body. “But you said he wanted to!”

“I didn’t say that!”

“Fine, you said he wanted more. And then you left.” Hayden recited back. “Cold, by the way.”

Shane reached over and tried to thwap his knee, but he jerked out of the way. “Hey!”

“So when he asked if I was calling her?” Shane said, insisting he continue.

“Well, I didn’t really answer the first time. So yeah, then too.”

“You didn’t answer?” Shane asked. “Why?”

“I didn’t know everything I know now! I wasn’t sure what you’d want me to say!” Hayden exclaimed, clutching the pillow tighter. “I didn’t know anything actually. I figured that you wouldn’t want to talk about the break up at all, so I just deflected.”

“Oh.” Shane said. “Uh, thanks.”

Hayden winced. “Yeah, except I may have kinda sorta fucked up there too.”

Shane exhaled with a huff. “How? How could you have possibly fucked up more?”

“Well, like I said. I didn’t know anything at that point. I didn’t even know you were gay!” Hayden exclaimed. “And I didn’t know you used to hook up with him and I didn’t know you basically told him to kick rocks.”

And Shane nodded half heartedly, “Well, yeah. OK.”

“So I told him I could give him tips on getting a girlfriend.” Hayden said. “Like how to get them to actually like you and not just… leave.”

Shane squeezed his eyes shut.

“It was supposed to be a sex joke! Like haha ‘you are bad at sex’! OK?” Hayden said. “Y’know, you sleep with a girl and you’re bad at it, so she doesn’t sleep with you again? This is a classic roast!”

“Right.” Shane said.

“It wasn’t supposed to be a fucking knife in the back!”

Shane’s eyes were still shut, and he was bent over his knees even more, now his head hung between them, fingers lace behind his neck, elbows still propping him up. “And then he blocked you?”

Hayden didn’t say a word. He didn’t speak for so long that Shane poked his head up from where it hung, and the confusion melted off his face as soon as he saw Hayden’s tight lipped frown.

“Oh my god, how?” Shane exclaimed.

“OK, this was also a misunderstanding.” Hayden prefaced. “And could have been avoided had I been given more context.”

“Hayden.” Shane said warningly.

“I told him to grow up, and move on because he was pathetic.” Hayden said. “Which he probably thought was about the relationship between the two of you. However, for the record, I was referring to the manufactured ad campaign the League runs about you two always competing with each other. I meant that him playing into that was pathetic. For the record.”

Shane took one more deep shuddering breath, rolled his shoulders back and quietly said, “And that’s it, Hayden?”

“And I didn’t go for a run this morning.” Hayden said. “Because I was hungover.”

Shane squinted at him, “You’re hungover?”

“I was hungover. I think the fear of my impending doom sobered me up.” Hayden said. “And throwing up helped.”

Shane shook his head, once again bewildered. “Ok, that’s it?”

“Yes.” Hayden said. And it was. He couldn’t think of a single other thing. He had literally scraped the inside of his own brain for every memory of the weekend, of Lily, or Rozanov, and explained it in excruciating detail.

“Oh. I listened to Yuna.” Hayden said. “I did everything she said… um, without question.”

Shane threw his hands up in the air, “Gee, well I guess that’s something.”

“Thank you!”

This time, Shane successfully thwapped his knee.

Amber and Jade both woke up two more times, and by the time they had been soothed and put back to bed, Jackie’s parents had arrived with the other two kids. Thankfully, Shane had actually met them before, so both him and Hayden talked to them for a few minutes, before the overtired kids needed to be put to bed.

Hayden handled Arthur, while Shane quietly brought Ruby into the bedroom she shared with Jade.

Once they were both down, Hayden and Shane plopped themselves back down on the couch. It was so comfortable that Hayden almost couldn't remember the multiple breakdowns that had happened on it, just this afternoon.

“It’s a lot easier with two.” Shane said, after a moment to fill the silence.

“Huh?” Hayden said. He was so tired he didn’t even get up from where he was laying on the couch, just lifted his head up.

“Having four kids would be really hard for a single parent.” Shane said, almost absentmindedly. “Having you to help. It’s a lot better.”

Hayden let his head drop back down to the couch. “Yeah. Jackie’s a saint.”

“Yeah.” Shane agreed.

“You’re good with them.” Hayden commented.

He was met with silence. He propped his head back up to see Shane staring back at him, deeply confused.

“I let Jade sprain her wrist.” Shane stated, when he registered Hayden’s matching expression of confusion. “I had to call you for help with dinner.”

Hayden shrugged. “You dealt with it. That’s the job really. Can’t be perfect.”

“She sprained her wrist, Hayden.” Shane emphasized. “It could’ve been so much worse.”

Hayden nodded. “Yeah, like if she’d fallen off the swing set and the person watching didn’t notice for an hour so she just sat in the snow hurt and alone.”

Shane blinked, wide eyes going wider.

“But you noticed she was missing right away.” Hayden said. “And she was only able to get out because you were distracted watching the multiple other children.”

Shane gulped. “I guess.”

“Hey, look at me.” Hayden said, as Shane’s eyes began to wander towards a wall away from him.

When he caught Shane’s eyes again, he said, “I am a father four times over, and I’m not an expert, but from what I can tell, you are going to make a great father some day.”

Shane gave him a tight lipped smile.

“Have you never thought about that before?” Hayden asked.

Shane shrugged, “I mean, I’ve thought about it. I guess I couldn’t quite picture… what that’d look like. Because, you know.”

“The gay thing.”

“Yes. Once again, the gay thing.” Shane said.

“You could adopt.” Hayden said, and then he wondered if you weren’t supposed to say that to gay people, like you shouldn’t assume. He would have to do some more research later.

Shane didn’t seem bothered by it. “I guess. I’m just not sure I should.”

“Why shouldn’t you?” Hayden asked. “I meant it, you’d be a great dad.” Then he amended his earlier statement. “If you wanted biological kids, or adoptive kids, or both, you’d be great.”

“I’m kind of weird, Hayden.” Shane said, flatly like he was delivering the weather.

“Weird?”

“I’m not an idiot, I know what people say about me.” Shane said, and then swallowed hard. “What they think about me.”

“Fuck them. They’re weird.” Hayden said.

Shane sighed. “Thanks, Hayden. But I don’t mean I’m quirky, I mean there are some things about me that are… off. Internal things. Like the way my brain works. And I know that sort of thing can be genetic.”

For a second, Hayden just sat in stunned silence. Then he pushed himself all the way up and thwapped Shane’s knee. Shane yelped and jumped back, “Hey!”

“Hey?” Hayden said. “Listen to me, we should be so lucky to have more smart, hardworking, kind people like you. That’s what your parents are like, that’s what any child you may have would be like. You are my favorite kind of person, and I can’t wait to meet any more of them.”

Shane and him just stared at each other for a beat until Hayden noticed the tears brimming on his lashes, pulled Shane in for a hug, once again, saving the both of them from the embarrassment. 

When Hayden was certain he had it under control, he pulled away and with a voice that was only a little thick, said, “Wanna watch a movie?”

Shane looked up and down, and pointedly didn’t wipe his face. “Uh maybe. What time are we picking up Jackie tomorrow?”

“Uhhh.” Hayden considered this for a moment. “Ten AM.”

Shane glanced at the clock. “Yeah, sure.”

Hayden grabbed the clicker off the coffee table and pulled up Disney+. “Moana?”

He took the hit to his knee, because he deserved that one.

They put on some hockey documentary Shane had recommended to him ages ago, and he hadn’t had a chance to watch. It was good. Unfortunately, it was also surprisingly quiet, after a while it sounded less like hockey and talking and more like white noise.

The next day, both Hayden and Shane would say the other one had fallen asleep first and when they noticed, they just figured they were sleeping on the couch for the night, which is why neither used the multiple spare bedrooms in the house. Neither commented on how they’d ended up cuddling in the corner.

Hayden woke up to tiny fingers in his face. Poke to the nose. Palm to the eye. He opened that eye, and the tiny hand pulled away with a little gasp.

Ruby was staring back at them delightedly, “Daddy. Mommy said it’s time to wake up.”

Hayden blinked, and then on auto pilot said. “OK, sweetheart, go tell Mommy we’re up.”

As soon as she hurried off, the lag on his brain lightened up.

Did she call me Daddy? Hayden thought to himself. Does that mean—

He shot up off the couch, jostling Shane so much that he rolled and fell off the couch and onto the floor.

Hayden stared down from where he was standing, looking at Shane. At Shane. Shane who was not him! He who was not Shane!

“What the—”

“Shane, check it out!” Hayden said. He held up his arms and then gestured for Shane to look down.

“Woah.” Shane muttered. And looked back up. “No offense, but thank god.”

“Yeah, no worries. Ditto.” Hayden said.

“Are you guys… okay?” Jackie said. She’d walked into the family room with two plates of pancakes, eggs and bacon. Holy shit did he love his wife. “What happened?”

He briefly made eye contact with Shane. They had to tell Jackie. It was Jackie. She was his wife. But he didn’t want to blindside Shane. Or put him on the spot to explain the entire thing, when he hadn’t even willingly come out to Hayden.

He tried to telepathically communicate his intentions to tell Jackie about the bodyswap without mentioning anything about Rozanov or being gay, exclusively with his eyes.

Shane looked like he was about to shit a brick so he was pretty sure it didn’t work. Hayden turned to Jackie to just blurt it out.

“Sit down. It’s a really long story.” Shane said, beating him to it.

So telepathy was still on the table.

Jackie looked between the two of them, set the plates on the coffee table and took a seat on the couch. “I’m listening.”

Chapter End Notes

So writing this chapter felt like laboring for 18 hours without an epidural, so please let me know if you liked it and or what you thought of it, but be nice to me please haha

my rec this week: #getLilyout by viridescented.

Chapter 7

Chapter Summary

'you miss 100% of the shots you don't take'
- Hayden Pike

Chapter Notes

...hey guys! sorry for vanishing when the world needed me most

“You two,” Jackie said, after they were all done telling their story, and after she sat in silence staring at them for about thirty straight seconds. “... should be studied. In a lab. Seriously.”

Which was basically what Hayden had been expecting her to say, and his follow up was locked and loaded. “Hold on! We’re not crazy, this isn’t some shared hallucination!”

He was already opening his mouth, not entirely sure what he could say to convince her of this fantastic, magical, bullshit, but he was cut off by her silently raising a hand.

“Not that.” Jackie said shortly. “I believe the whole bodyswap story.”

Hayden sort of just stared at her now, still silent. His mouth may have fallen open slightly. He turned to look over at Shane who was doing a better job hiding his astonishment. However, that was not a high bar to clear.

“You… do?” Shane said carefully. “The whole bodyswap, mind trade thing?”

Jackie nodded. “Yes. It happened to someone I know when we were kids.”

Now Hayden’s mouth fell all the way open, while he simultaneously sputtered out, “What?”

“Really?” Shane exclaimed, now matching Hayden’s shock.

“My aunt and cousin.” Jackie said, glancing between the two of them, indifferent to their bewilderment. “The ones from California?”

Hayden vaguely remembered them from family gatherings, although he hadn’t seen either of them in ages.

“OK, hold on.” Hayden said. “Magic is real, and you didn’t tell me?” 

Apparently Jackie hadn’t been expecting that reaction because she actually looked a little bit chastised. “Well. It’s sort of crazy.”

“Yeah!” Hayden exclaimed, throwing his hands up in the air and gesturing between Shane and him. “I know it’s crazy! And I told you as soon as I could!”

“Well, it’s a little different!” Jackie exclaimed right back. Shane seemed to be very slowly moving away from the two of them as if they might forget he was even there. “It happening to some cousin who we never see and it happening that you and your best friend are not comparable.”

“I would have told you if I knew magic was real.” Hayden said, voice returning to normal volume and arms coming to cross his chest. “Right, Shane? You’d tell me if you found out about magic?”

“I am begging you to leave me out of this.” Shane said, freezing where he was, half way through another step backwards.

“I haven’t thought about it in years.” Jackie said. “And I don’t even know exactly what happened. Just that my aunt and cousin were fighting all the time, and then all of a sudden it was like they were best friends. My cousin swore up and down that they’d been bodyswapped.”

Shane and Hayden exchanged looks. That sounded eerily familiar. In the moment, they hadn’t actually put much thought into the motive or mechanics of the swap, too distracted by the insanity of the situation.

Jackie, observant as always, came to the same conclusion as them, about ten seconds before they got there.

“Oh my god.” Jackie said. Her hands clamped over her mouth but the laughter escaped all the same. “You two got swapped so that you’d learn a life lesson!”

“Hey, wait—” Shane started.

“— about,” She interrupted herself with another escaped giggle, “being besties! Jeez, this is like a Disney Channel movie.”

“It is not!” Hayden said. “It’s like a sci fi, body horror movie. It was really freaky. And scary!”

“Maybe an inspirational sports movie.” Shane suggested. Hayden shot him a look and he shrugged. “What? You rose to the occasion despite the odds? I came to appreciate the value of family? It's textbook.”

Jackie worked through the rest of her giggles and cut in before they could start really bickering. “That’s not the point anyway. I meant you two should be studied in a lab for being dumbasses. Like the biggest dumbasses ever.”

Hayden scoffed. He thought they’d handled it pretty well all things considered. Well. OK, obviously mistakes were made. Mostly by him. Pretty much entirely by him.

“Almost all of this could’ve been avoided if you two were able to communicate your feelings effectively.” Jackie said when neither of them replied, too busy staring at their own feet, or the rug, or the dust bunny under the table. “The only thing I don’t understand is Rozanov.”

Hayden groaned before he could stop himself, and Shane fixed him with a glare. Apparently, reminded of Hayden’s disastrous, epic, failure at following rules.

He turned back to Jackie, hesitating to explain.

Shane had mostly let him take the lead on summarizing the weekend, only chiming in to fill out what he and the kids had done at home. Jackie was on the same page as Hayden when it came to Jade’s accident, which was clearly immensely relieving for Shane.

Hayden had very purposefully left out all mentions of anything gay. He wasn’t sure what Shane wanted him to say, and he wasn’t about fuck up, again. 

“Well, that was mostly my fault.” Hayden said, and he stuttered for a second, trying to come up with an explanation that conveyed why his interactions with Rozanov over the weekend were catastrophic, but not the exact reasons why.

“We used to hook up.” Shane interjected before Hayden got a chance. “I’m gay.”

Hayden’s head whipped to the side so fast he’s pretty sure he’d feel it in his neck the next morning.

“Whew!” Shane exclaimed. Oblivious to Hayden's shock. “That felt good to say! I’ve never actually said that, like out loud.”

“Huh.” Jackie said. “That checks out.”

Shane’s eyebrows scrunch together, the relief on his face short lived. “Wait, what? You could tell? How? Do you think other people could tell?”

Jackie cut off his rambling by leaning over and pressing her hands on top of his where they sat on his knees. “No, no, nothing like that.”

“Then why?”

Jackie took a deep breath. “I’ve never had to ask Hayden to sext me before. Like ever. I was sort of worried about him, actually.”

Shane’s face split into a grin, his head ducking. “Yeah, sorry about that.”

She waved it off. “Good attempt.” She looked between the two of them again. “This is actually sort of relieving. I came home all worried because you were texting me weirdly, and then my dad called last night and offered to pick me up from the airport because you seemed exhausted when he picked the kids up yesterday.”

Hayden winced. “Oh, shit.”

Jackie cocked her head to the side, “Good thing he did.”

He glanced down and looked at his phone (his phone! not Shane’s!). Sure enough, there were a couple missed calls from his father in law, and Jackie, along with some texts explaining the new plan.

“Well, we were exhausted.” Shane offered.

“Because of extremely extenuating circumstances, I will let this slide. Once.” Jackie said. “Next time you two are bodyswapped, I expect you to be more organized.”

They both groaned and Hayden said. “Don’t even say that, Jackie. God, I can’t do that again. Ever.”

Shane nodded vehemently. “Yeah. You were a terrible me.”

Hayden scoffed. “I was not terrible! I was alright at hockey!”

“You were terrible at everything else.” Shane said.

“OK OK.” Jackie said. “Now that I know about the whole,” she gestured at Shane, “gay thing, can you explain exactly what Hayden did that was so wrong?”

And then Hayden really filled her in. The first time, he’d given the broad strokes. They’d both given each other rules, most of which Hayden had broken. Now, watching Jackie’s face as he recounts, for the second time, him putting his foot in his mouth repeatedly, the dread begins to creep back in.

“Alright.” Jackie said, slowly. “That’s… not good. That’s pretty bad.”

“He’s never going to speak to me again.” Shane said, more resigned than miserable which made Hayden want to sink into the floor.

“Hey!” He said instead. “We don’t know that! We can fix it!”

Jackie cocked an eyebrow up. “You can?”

“Yeah!” Hayden said, perhaps a little desperately. “I mean, we told you what happened! We can just… explain it to him!”

The two of them stared back at him with unimpressed silent faces.

“Right.” Shane said. “That would go over really well.”

“It might!” Hayden said. He could hear the desperation in his own voice, like he was trying to convince himself as much as Shane.

“Probably not!” Shane replied, matching his tone. “Even if that could work, which it wouldn’t, I can’t even contact him, because he blocked me. Well, you.”

“Use my phone!” Hayden said. “Hell, use Jackie’s!”

Shane groaned. “He blocked me. He doesn’t want to hear from me. Trying to get around the blocking thing would just seem desperate. Especially because my explanation is ridiculous.”

“OK.” Hayden said, head spinning. “So we talk to him in person. We play in Boston in a month. That would give us plenty of time to figure out what to say.”

“Hayden.” Shane said with a sigh. “I appreciate you trying, but I think it’s over. Really over.”

And Shane looked genuinely sick to his stomach. Hayden was right behind him, the anxiety and guilt he’d felt on his way home from All Stars, magnified by a thousand. Shane leaned over his own knees.

“No.” Hayden said. He surprised himself with the force and confidence behind his voice. “It’s not over. We haven’t even tried, and it’s not over till we’ve tried everything.”

Shane looked up at him, slightly surprised by his outburst… and slightly pale. “OK, uh… be right back!” With that, he shot up from his seat, and pretty much jogged past the two of them and down the hall.

Jackie and Hayden exchanged looks.

“Hey?” Shane poked his head out from behind the wall, “I’m just gonna go to the bathroom really quickly… but uh, is Ruby still around? In her room, or?”

“Hold on—” Hayden said, “You can’t—”

“Ruby?” Shane called out, disappearing back into the hallway. “I think you’re undervaluing your teeth!”

Jackie scoffed, “I’m not even going to ask.”

“Yep, also my fault.” Hayden said, relaxing back into the couch, accepting his fate. “I didn’t realise he was lactose intolerant.”

Jackie winced, but recovered quickly. With a curious expression on her face, she asked, “Do you really think there’s a chance for them? After all that?”

“Hey, I wanted to play matchmaker, right?” Hayden said. “Well then I’m gonna play motherfucking matchmaker.”

Jackie chuckles, maybe slightly more convinced than she was two minutes ago. She stands up from where she was sitting, comes over to him and presses a kiss to his cheek, then she says. “Swear jar.”

—

Hayden would never, ever, admit this outloud, but he actually loved Boston.

The city, just to be clear.

Maybe it was because this is where he met the love of his life, or where he’d played some of the best games of his career. Or maybe it was just a cute walkable city with occasionally decent weather.

It didn’t really matter, it was just that whenever Hayden went there he sort of felt at ease. It relaxed him.

His Boston induced calm was failing him now. Miserably failing.

It didn’t help that he was currently on Ilya Rozanov’s front step, hiding off to the side, and watching Shane repeatedly raise his hand to knock on the front door, before letting it drop back down to his side, over and over again.

Like he’d lost count of how many times Shane had visibly tried to work himself up, only to chicken out.

“Hey.” Hayden whisper shouted. He was planning to give him some encouraging words, or motivational anecdotes.

“Shhhh!” Shane said back, he half turned to look at Hayden, where he was squatting behind a potted plant. “Be. Quiet.”

So no encouraging words or motivational anecdotes then.

Shane stepped back up to the front door. Determination on his face, clear as day. This was it. He was going to knock on the door. He was going to, very quickly, explain everything even though it would sound ridiculously crazy.

Shane’s hand dropped back down to his side just the same as his face dropped.

He gave Hayden a look between the leaves of the plant. It said, maybe this is a bad idea. Or possibly, this will never ever work.

Hayden knew that because they’d had this conversation outloud, at least twenty times. Shane had been borderline pressured into going through with this, despite his pessimism. Hayden was actually pretty proud of that.

The week before, once the plan had mostly been laid, Shane got cold feet. Hayden watched him pace around his kitchen after practice, mostly muttering to himself.

“Bud?” Hayden had asked tentatively.

Shane didn’t waste a moment. “I don’t think this is a good idea. I mean he already hates me. And this… this is crazy.”

Hayden sighed. “What happens if you talk to him and he tells you to fuck off?”

Shane blinked, Hayden’s bluntness seemingly shocking him out of his spiral.

“Uh. I would leave?”

“You wouldn’t be together?”

“No?”

“OK,” Hayden said. “What happens if you talk to him and he believes you and takes you back?”

Now Shane had really been taken aback. “I don’t know?”

“You’d be together?”

“I mean, it’s not that simple.” Shane said. “Even if he does believe me, we’re still… us. We still can’t just be together.”

“But you’d be talking.” Hayden pointed out.

“Yes.” Shane said after a beat.

“OK, what happens if you don’t say anything and let the relationship end here and now.”

Shane’s face is taken over by what seems to be an involuntary frown. “Nothing.”

“You wouldn’t be together.” Hayden answered for him. “You wouldn’t ever talk to each other. You’d probably avoid each other.”

“Yes.” Shane said, miserably.

“So if you do nothing, you will definitely not get back together with him. In any way.” Hayden repeated. “If you do talk to him, you might still not get back together…”

Hayden trailed off, leaving the bait hanging for Shane to snap up.

They stand in silence, staring at each other. Hayden can see Shane’s brain working through Hayden’s argument. After a moment, he gave up.

“But there’d be a chance.” Shane finished.

“All you need is a chance.”

So Hayden was pretty proud of the little nugget of wisdom he’d imparted.

It did not come across nearly as cool and smart when Hayden repeated the same sentiment to Shane, from where he was crouching down behind a ficus.

“Just. A. Chance.” Hayden said as quietly as he could but it sort of came out more like he was trying to talk through his teeth.

Shane turned fully toward him now, eyes desperate. “I can’t.”

“You want me to—” He half started to get up from behind the plant.

“No!”

“OK, jeez.” Hayden said. He sat back down.

Hayden knew Shane’s brain was churning, he could practically see the smoke billowing from his ears. They could come back later? No. They could write him a letter? No. They could— no, no, no, no. No!

And some of those weren’t even bad ideas. It’s just that if Hayden gave Shane an inch, he’d take a mile. They’d agreed to do this in person, on this date. Hayden’s not sure he’d ever be able to convince Shane to try again if they left now.

He didn’t have the optimal positioning for a lecture or a rousing speech but he was going to give it his best shot anyway. Every piece of advice, reassurance, and support that Hayden had collected to keep Shane going came to him at once. He opened his mouth, ready to deliver the most moving, inspiring speech— no sermon, that he could possibly muster.

He was interrupted by the door swinging open, Shane jolting away from it, eyes torn from Hayden and the plant, and locked in on Ilya Rozanov, standing in the front doorway of his own house, and not looking particularly pleased to see him.

“What the fuck are you doing here?” Rozanov snapped, after a stagnant moment where Shane said nothing.

Hayden could all but hear Shane’s gulp.

“Hi.” Shane said. And he said it through an exhale that sounded like relief.

“Hi.” Rozanov replied, furrowed brows further furrowing. “What the fuck are you doing here?”

“Oh. Uh.” Shane said. “I wanted to talk to you. Well, I need to talk to you.”

Rozanov stepped back, hands that had been bracing on the doorframe followed him, completely removing him from Hayden’s view. All he could see now was the warped reflection of Rozanov in one of the windows by the front door.

Hayden hoped it was the warping that made Rozanov look so mad.

“You? You wanted to talk to me?” Rozanov replied. His voice was pitched up in a way Hayden had never really heard it before. On the ice, his taunts were mostly delivered with a grin and a wink, no voice raising required.

“Yes.” Shane said, sounding a little breathless. “And I know— I know, everything is fucked. OK? I just really need to talk to you, and I can explain everything.”

He was met with a very loaded silence, which was not a great sign, Hayden noted.

“Can you explain everything?” Rozanov said, and then without waiting for Shane to actually confirm, he continued. “Explain why you talk to my plant.”

“Uh.” Shane said, face suddenly as white as sheet. “Oh, well that’s— wait how did you even…”

He trailed off, looking up into the corner of the porch closest to the door. Hayden strained his neck to see over the bigger leaves, and spotted the small camera at the same time Shane did.

“Oh.” Shane said simply.

“Voice sensor.” Rozanov explained. “I saw you yelling at the house plant.”

“Right, well, it’s a really long story.” Shane said, then after a second he sighed. “Fuck, ugh. Come out.”

Hayden stood up too quickly, underestimating the pins and needles that had spread through his legs while he squatted. When he was upright, his legs didn’t feel like keeping him that way, and he nearly fell over, only managing to shift his weight towards the wall of the house at the last second, and letting out a big, “ooof”, as he hit the wall.

A split second later, Rozanov poked his head back out his front door, spotting Hayden, then turning back to Shane. Back and forth he looked between the two of them with wide eyes.

“OK.” Rozanov said, retreating back into his door. Thankfully, feeling was returning to Hayden’s legs, even more so as he shook them out. He was able to limp towards Shane, standing next to him facing Rozanov in the door. “What the fuck is he doing here?”

“I told you, it’s a really long story.” Shane said apologetically. “Can we come in for a second? I can explain everything.”

Now that Hayden has a better view of Rozanov, he’s able to fully take in his appearance. And it’s rough to say the least. He does absentmindedly note that he is in no way attracted to him, whatsoever, which is a relief.

But Roz had developed some pretty dark eye bags since Hayden last saw him. His clothes hang off his body like he’s been wearing them for days, wrinkled and stained. His whole face looks sallow and dull.

But when Shane asks to come inside, his whole miserable expression is overtaken, and his new posture does not bode well for them.

“No.” Rozanov said, readjusting himself, arms crossed high over his chest.

“No?” Shane said.

“You can’t come in.” Rozanov said.

“So you won’t even hear me out?” Shane exclaimed, looking over at Hayden desperately, like he could somehow fix it.

“I did not say this.” Rozanov said, snapping both of their attentions back to him. “You want to talk? Talk.”

Shane gave him an uneasy look. But before he could work up the courage to start, Rozanov continued.

“By the way, everyone walking by can see the porch.” He said, cocking his head to one side. “And the neighbors kids cut through my front lawn all the time.”

“What?” Shane said, looking over his shoulder. Sure enough pedestrians walking by the street were clearly visible, meaning they were also clearly visible.

“Please, continue.” Rozanov said, an easy, mean, grin pulling at the corners of his mouth. “Tell me this long story.”

Shane scoffed, “I can’t just—” he was cut off by the bell of a bike nearby, dinging right in front of Rozanov’s house. “Someone could hear me!”

“Maybe make the long story short then?”

“I’m not sure that’s possible.” Hayden commented, before realising he probably shouldn’t say anything at all, until spoken to.

“Oh no.” Rozanov said, dryly. “I guess you cannot tell story then.”

“Hold on,” Shane said. “I mean it, we need like five minutes.”

“No.” Rozanov said. “You cannot come in.” And he actually closed his door a little, like he thought they were going to rush him. Hayden wondered if that would work. Maybe, but it’d also probably be breaking and entering.

“Seriously?” Shane said, his voice came out in a whine.

“Seriously.” Rozanov said. He didn’t continue, or even make fun of them. He just stared at Shane intensely, clearly wondering what Shane would do.

Shane was internally flailing. He was almost rocking back and forth, torn between getting the fuck out of there, not being seen, not being overheard, even more importantly, and just spilling everything in some incomprehensible word vomit.

Hayden didn’t think either option would turn out very well, and he considered jumping in and trying to mediate like some sort of couples therapist, but Rozanov seemed to take pity on Shane.

He gave Shane a tight lipped smile, and started shutting the door the rest of the way. “I am busy. Knock if you feel like telling me.”

And he promptly shut the door. Shane worked his jaw, and grinded his teeth. A moment later, he muttered, “Fuck.” and turned on his heel, glancing over at the street to see if anyone was coming. No one was and he all but ran to the car, parked in front of Rozanov’s house.

Hayden was close behind him, sparing a look over his shoulder. A figure stood mostly shrouded in darkness, right by the door, watching.

“Hey!” Hayden cried after him. Shane either didn’t hear or didn’t care. He didn’t stop until he’d flung the passenger seat door open and plopped himself in. Hayden arrived at the car just as quickly, but slightly less desperately. He tried again, this time more gently. “Hey?”

“Can we go?” Shane said. He sat upright in his seat, belt already on. His hands were gathered at his side, fists clenched. He didn’t turn to look at Hayden, just stared straight ahead, like he could see the end of the long winding Boston street.

“Yeah.” Hayden agreed. “Are you sure—”

“Just go.” This time a wet little hiccup interrupted him, and they both ignored it.

“OK.” Hayden said, taking a second to futz with the car's mirrors. Fucking rentals. He glanced over at Shane as he turned the car on. “This isn’t it, man. You’re going to see him tonight, and, and there are even more games. Plus, award shows! Events! Just don’t give up, OK?”

Hayden doesn’t really expect a response to that, but Shane’s always keeping him guessing.

A hand covers the parking brake before Hayden’s hand gets there. Hayden looks up, and Shane’s turned toward him. His eyes are wet and red. His mouth is scrunched up like he’s holding his words back. A second later, he lets them out.

“Hayden.” Shane said. His voice is so meek and miserable that Hayden barely recognizes it. “I don’t think— I think it’s really over. Forever.”

“Don’t say that.” Hayden tried, but Shane’s not done.

“He won’t even let me in!” Shane exclaimed, “He literally won’t let me in!”

“That’s just… OK, OK. It’s not great.”

“It’s pointless.” Shane muttered. “It’s… he barely looked at me. He hates me.”

And if Shane looks like a sad pitiful kicked wet puppy for another second, Hayden is going to burst into tears too.

He pivots. “Alright.”

“Alright?” Shane said, snapped from his misery. “How is it alright?”

“I mean, it’s not. Maybe this isn’t.” Hayden started. “But there are a million guys who would kill to go out with you! Jackie has a whole group of untapped friends to set you up with! Male friends, I mean.”

Shane groaned. “I don’t want Jackie’s friends. I don’t want millions of guys.”

“I know you don’t right now, but—”

“No, Hayden.” Shane snapped. “Ever. I don’t want them ever. I don’t want anyone else ever.”

Hayden sighed. “I know, OK? I get that this is hard, but after a while—”

Shane was making a habit of cutting Hayden off. “So you could move on from Jackie? Just like that?”

Hayden blanched. “No.” He answered instinctually. He actually recoiled a little bit. “That’s not— of course not.”

“He’s my Jackie.” Shane said, finally relaxing from his perfect posture, unfortunately into a miserable slouch. “And it’s over.”

Hayden had started to sweat at some point, and he’s not even sure when. He’s sort of been in a state of panic since All Stars, jumping between incomprehensible guilt, and an overwhelming determination to fix it. And now he’s left with… nothing but the guilt. An all consuming sort of guilt that makes his hands shake, and keeps him up at night.

“Fine.” Hayden said. He puts the car back in park, and shuts it off.

Shane looked over at him, brow furrowed. “What?”

“I said, fine.” Hayden replied, unbuckling his seatbelt.

“Fine?” Shane said. “Fine, what? What do you mean?”

“He won’t talk to you, and you didn’t even do anything wrong.” Hayden said, shrugging. “I’m the one he should be mad at.”

“Yeah?” Shane said, “But he—”

And then, Hayden gave Shane a taste of his own medicine, and dramatically interrupted him. In a split second, he’d swung the car door open, hopped out of the front seat, and started back up the stairs to Rozanov’s front door.

He can hear Shane calling out to him from the car, but he doesn’t hear him follow. Probably for the best.

“Hey!” Hayden said. He knocked on the door three times, as loud as he could. “Rozanov!”

Nothing.

“I’m talking!” Hayden exclaimed. “I’ll tell you everything! Right here!”

He didn’t even wait for a response this time. “It’s a really crazy story! You’re missing out!”

Then he’d run out of things to yell so he started to sort of flail his arms around, which turned into jumping jacks.

“Open…the…door!” Hayden said. He absentmindedly made a note to add jumping jacks into his warm ups because they were really getting his blood pumping.

And then, Hayden’s love and undying loyalty to Shane Hollander was truly put to the test.

Hayden’s head snapped, he looked over his shoulder at the sound of approaching voices. Pedestrians. People who, as Rozanov had pointed out, could clearly see and hear him. And then after hesitating for the tiniest moment, barely a second, Hayden committed to it.

If Roz wanted a scene, Hayden would give him one.

“YO!” Hayden shouted, head still looking backward, watching with horror as the voices neared. “Roz! Let me in!”

His neck was strained to the side, eyes on the street where walkers approached. As they rounded the corner, so close that Hayden could actually hear their conversation, he winced, but kept jumping.

He would never find out if those pedestrians caught a glimpse of him, or had heard him yelling, or even what they looked like. While he was half turned around, and distracted, Rozanov swung his door open, snagged one of Hayden’s flailing arms and pulled him inside.

And then Hayden was inside.

In the time since the disastrous All Stars game, Hayden had changed his mental opinion of Rozanov. First, he’d been some asshole who Hayden hated, then he was the personification of the worst thing that Hayden had ever done. But in all the time Hayden had known Roz, he’d forgotten that the guy was an actual real person, with a house, and belongings. 

Now he was some guy who was getting preapproved credit cards in the mail, and left them on his kitchen table. A guy who owned a raincoat, and hung it up by his front door. 

Hayden’s eyes washed over the open concept home, filled with real things. Things a real person owns.

A real person who looked just about ready to sock Hayden in the jaw.

“Pike.” He said. They’d exchanged words before, mostly unkind. But this time, Rozanov was seriously, genuinely pissed. “Are you a fucking crazy person?”

“No.” Hayden replied, like it was an actual question. “You said… I was talking. You told us to just say it.”

“I told Hollander to say it.” Rozanov said. “I don’t— What are you even doing here?”

“That’s part of the long story.” Hayden said.

“Jesus, fuck!” Rozanov said. He dragged a hand through his hair, pushing it all back, and leaving it there. “Fine.”

He looked at Hayden expectantly.

“Oh.” Hayden said, “Right yeah, um quick question first.”

Rozanov threw his hands in the air, abandoning his hair. Now it was all fucked up. “Fucking what?”

“First, I’d like to say; No, I am not joking. I am not pranking you.” Hayden said. “Do you believe in magic?”

If Rozanov had looked mad before, now he looked insane. Hayden had never seen someone’s eyes really bug out from their head before. His mouth opened. Then closed. He took a deep breath, and looked just about ready to respond.

“Hello!” Shane’s muffled voice called from behind the door. “Uh, I’m also here. To talk.”

Hayden and Rozanov looked at the door, then at each other.

“Should I…” Hayden said trailing off. He didn’t know what the proper etiquette was when you showed up unannounced to the house of a person who doesn’t like you. Was he not supposed to open the door for other uninvited guests?

Roz pushed his hair back again, but it didn’t help. He strode off, opened the door, and slammed it shut behind Shane.

“OK, am I Punk’d?” Rozanov asked, “Is this the most fucked up episode of Punk’d ever? Where is Kutchner?”

Shane side-eyed Hayden, and mouthed, ‘Punk’d?’

“It’s a TV show.” Hayden said to Shane, then turned back to Roz. “And no. Not Punk’d. No Kutchner.”

“OK, well then you are experiencing a joint psychotic break.” Rozanov said.

“Nope.” Hayden said.

“But you believe in magic?”

“You started with the magic?” Shane asked incredulously, “Why would you start with the magic?”

“I’m sorry!” Hayden said, huffing. “It’s kind of integral to everything else.”

“Jesus fucking Christ, just say whatever you need to say, and get out of my house!” Rozanov exclaimed.

Hayden and Shane briefly attempted to communicate telepathically, to sort out exactly how they’d go about explaining. Unsuccessful. Gonna have to wing it then.

“We swapped bodies.” Hayden blurted out.

That was apparently not how Shane had wanted to do it, based on the grimace on his face, but to his credit, he rolled with it. “Before the All Stars Game.” Shane explained. “So… I didn’t go to the game. I wasn’t there.”

Rozanov’s eyes narrowed. “You… were there.”

“No, I was there.” Hayden corrected.

“You?” Rozanov said, looking between the two of them. “You’re saying that you…” He held up a finger and pointed accusingly at Hayden, “... were you.” His accusatory finger shifted to Shane.

“Yes. I was Hayden.” Shane said. “Hayden was me.”

“But Shane still had to go to All Stars.” Hayden continued. “So that meant that I had to go.”

“So I wasn’t there. You never spoke to me that weekend.” Shane emphasized.

“Hey, I guess the story wasn’t that long after all!” Hayden said. Because that just about covered it.

“...OK.” Rozanov said, suddenly looking worse for wear.

Hayden blinked, surprised. “OK?”

“OK?” Shane parroted. “Like, OK you believe us?”

“No.” Rozanov snapped, “Obviously fucking not, that’s insane.”

“Oh.” Shane said.

“I mean, OK, I am having a psychotic break.” Rozanov said.

“Hey, no!” Hayden jumped in. “No psychotic breaks! Everyone is sane.”

“Just, give me a minute.” Rozanov said. He walked to his couch and plopped down on it, facing the TV but not really looking at it.

Hayden and Shane followed tentatively. Rozanov glared at them, as they sat down on the other end of the couch, but he didn’t say anything.

The air in the room was tense. No one really seemed to know what to do or say. Hayden found his eyes wandering across the room, searching for more evidence of Rozanov’s humanity when, hey—

His eyes landed on Rozanov’s flat screen TV, which was paused halfway through a show on Netflix. He pointed at the screen, mouth slightly agape.

“Are you watching Grey’s Anatomy?” Hayden asked, leaning over to look at Roz. He looked up from where he’d been rubbing the bridge of his nose with his palm.

“Yes?”

“I love that show!” Hayden said. “Oh man, we could’ve watched this instead of Star Wars.”

Rozanov’s eyes narrowed.

“You watched Star Wars?” Shane asked, eyes darting between them. “Which one?”

Rozanov arched an eyebrow impressively high.

“All of them.” Hayden replied. “There was a lot of downtime, and I was trying to avoid talking to people so… Star Wars.”

Shane seemed poised to respond when Rozanov blurted out, “Is this supposed to convince me?”

Hayden’s brow furrowed. “Huh?”

“Pretending that we didn’t watch Star Wars?” Rozanov asked, this time staring intently at Shane.

“...we didn’t.” Shane said, in a small, almost apologetic voice. “I’ve never seen Star Wars.”

“You’ve never seen Star Wars either?” Hayden exclaimed.

Shane held up a hand dismissing him. “Hayden, not the time.”

“Yes. You’re right. Shutting up now.” He said, sitting back on the couch as if he could remove himself from the situation by being out of sight.

“This is… elaborate.” Rozanov said, rubbing both of his temples with his pointer fingers, leaning over his own knees.

“It’s not a joke.” Shane said. “I wouldn’t… do that.”

“Oh, no?” Rozanov said, head snapping up.

“No.” Shane said firmly. “I know I hurt you. Last time. But I swear to God, I wasn’t at All Stars, and I didn’t say whatever Hayden said.”

Hayden couldn’t help himself, interjecting again. “Think about it, why would Shane text ‘Lily’ right after getting into an argument with you?”

He looked between Rozanov and Shane, but he’s not sure either of them even heard him. Too busy staring into each other's eyes tensely. Hayden would have to answer his own question.

“Because I didn’t know that you were Lily!” Hayden said.

If Rozanov heard him, or even considered this argument (one Hayden thought was actually pretty strong), he didn’t show it. He didn’t even flinch. Instead, he stood up, not looking at either of them all of a sudden. “I think you should go.”

Shane stood up, clearly trying to catch his eye. “Go?”

“Yes. Go. Now.” Rozanov said. He didn’t even wait for them to leave, just turned on one heel into a hallway, and was gone.

-

Hayden should’ve felt better after that.

No one could say that he hadn’t put everything, genuinely everything, into his efforts to get Shane back together with Rozanov. He’d spent weeks convincing Shane to even try, not to mention forming a somewhat coherent plan, then he displayed his willingness to publicly embarrass himself for the cause.

But he didn’t feel better that afternoon at practice, where Shane was clearly going through the motions, staring off into space occasionally, and even missing easy passes.

He certainly didn’t feel better that night, when Boston beat them 1-5. Rozanov seemed to be playing out of spite, taking penalties he didn’t need, and fighting with refs. He never checked Shane though, didn’t even look at him.

Despite all that, Shane still scored their only goal of the game, because Shane Hollander on his worst day could play hockey better than many people on their best.

He actually felt slightly worse when he eventually got home. Jackie was very reassuring and kind. He wished she was disappointed. He was disappointed. Deep down, he’d sort of thought everything would work out. Despite how screwed up it had all gotten, things usually work out. In the end.

They didn’t though, things just continued, unworked out.

Their next game was better. Shane always bounced back, and for a second it felt like things were back to normal.

Then they got off the ice, and the deflated misery that had been trailing Shane returned, rolled in as he huffed, tired from his shift. By the time he was back to breathing normally, settled in his stall in the locker room, the half there stare had settled on his face, too.

Then Boiziau barreled in the locker room and further complicated things.

His withdrawn behavior over the past few days was probably why it was so jarring, when all of a sudden Shane was up on his feet, demanding answers about where Rozanov had gone, and why he hadn’t traveled with his team.

JJ, who had probably just been trying to gossip, stared back at his captain with slightly wide eyes. Hayden stepped in after JJ’s rambling response which could be more succinctly summarized as: I don’t know, and I don’t know.

Thankfully, Shane mostly backed off after that, and Hayden was able to redirect him out of the locker room and further down the hall.

When they were away from prying eyes, Shane scrambled to pull his phone out of his pocket and Hayden followed suit.

“Do you think— shit.” Shane said. Hayden couldn’t see what he was doing and peered over at his screen. Rozanov, or ‘Lily’ was pulled up. A few more undelivered texts that Hayden couldn’t quite make out had been sent. Shane jerked his phone away from Hayden, startling both of them. “Sorry, sorry.” Shane said, relaxing slightly. “It’s just… this wasn’t us, right?”

“Us?” Hayden echoed.

“Yeah, us. Like we didn’t mess with his head.” Shane continued. “The whole bodyswap thing? You think we freaked him out?”

Oooooh. Well. Hayden hadn’t actually considered that. No. No way. Probably. Hopefully.

Hayden tried to project more confidence than he felt. “Definitely not. I mean, this is Rozanov. He’s fine.” Hayden should quit while he was ahead. “He’s probably fine.”

Shane grimaced and turned back to his phone frantically. Hayden should’ve quit while he was ahead.

“Hold on.” Hayden said, remembering his own phone in his hand. “I’m gonna figure this out.”

Shane looked up from his phone warily. “Oh?”

“Yes!” Hayden replied, choosing to ignore the unconvinced tone of voice. “I can help.”

Now Shane looked really concerned.

“No, no, no! Like actually help!”

This was not reassuring apparently.

“OK, let me rephrase: Jackie’s going to help.” Hayden finished, and finally Shane seemed on board.

And boy did Jackie help.

One thing that sort of fascinated and sort of frightened Hayden was the interconnected system of communication that the WAGs seemed to have developed across the entirety of the NHL.

Tonight, however, he was just extremely grateful for it.

It only took a moment of explanation, before Jackie was all over it.

“Alright.” She said, a brief pause after Hayden had blurted out ‘Rozanov is missing and we don’t know why can you help, please.’ And he was pretty sure that was just for her to translate his word soup. “I know Brenda Young’s husband got transferred to the Raider’s last season… Tamara’s boyfriend was there for a year too. Hold on, I’m just—” which was followed by some very aggressive typing noise, and then crumbled up paper and a clicking pen. “Yup. Ok, I’m going to call you back.”

Then the dial tone.

Hayden and Shane exchanged looks.

“She is very competent.” Shane commented.

“Don’t I know it.” Hayden replied.

They ended up at their hotel in Hayden’s room. Shane paced, Hayden sat on his bed and watched Shane pace. It was fascinating stuff.

“How much longer?” Shane said, for the third time. He’d rephrased though, from how long do you think it’ll take to when do you think we’ll know anything to the most recent iteration.

Hayden shrugged, because telling Shane he had no idea how much longer it would be, the first two times had not helped.

“You think he’s OK?” Shane said, back to pacing.

Hey! A new question!

“Yes.” Hayden said. “He’s fine. It’ll be fine.”

“Because he wasn’t sick or hurt or anything.” Shane said, ignoring Hayden entirely. “Did he seem sick or hurt during the game? Or at his house! Did you think he seemed sick at his house?”

Shane seemed to actually want an answer to this question, judging by the way he abruptly stopped pacing and turned to Hayden with laser focused eyes.

“No?” Hayden said. “I don’t… he seemed fine.”

“Right.” Shane said. He started to pace again and stopped. “Right. He’s fine. Could you call her again?”

Hayden had said no the first couple times Shane asked, but honestly if he wants to get in the way of Jackie while she’s trying to carry out a plan, may god help him.

He tossed the phone to Shane, who quickly tapped away, before holding it out so both of them could hear.

It rang. It rang again. A few more times. Then: “We’re sorry, this line is currently busy. Please leave a message at the tone, or call back again later. We apologize for the inconvenience.”

“Busy?” Shane said, “How can it be—” He ended the phone call and went to call again when Hayden interjected.

“It’s busy because she’s calling people, Shane.” Hayden said. “You’re only going to get in the way of her finding out what happened.”

Shane’s shoulders sank, and he miserably passed the phone back to Hayden.

“Hey.” Hayden said, heaving himself up from the bed, and catching both of Shane’s shoulders in his palms. He held Shane still. “There’s nothing we can do right now. We can’t help him, and we can’t find out what happened through sheer force of will.”

Shane sniffed. “I know that.”

“OK, then let’s stop with the torture.” Hayden said, releasing Shane. “You want to watch something?” 

He threw himself back on the bed and scooped up the clicker, turning back around to see Shane still standing in place.

For a second Hayden was worried Shane would get pissed off and storm away, but after a moment of hesitation, Shane joined Hayden on the bed.

“Sure.” He said, reluctantly making himself comfy in the pillows. He glared at the complimentary eye mask resentfully. 

“Any ideas?”

“No, you pick.” Shane said distractedly. “Hey, do you have a charger?”

“Yeah, hold on.” Hayden said, leaning half off the bed to pick up the cord from the ground. As he brought it back up, it stopped just short of Shane.

He gave Shane a look that said ‘what can you do?’ and Shane begrudgingly handed his phone over. Hayden plugged it in and dropped it on the ground right next to the bedside table.

He scrolled through the channels for a minute. Skipping past Grey’s reruns because Shane didn’t like the medical inaccuracies, then past the highlights of a hockey game before Shane could see it was on. They didn’t need any more hockey tonight. Finally settling on Star Wars: Episode 3.

Shane hadn’t been paying much attention to the TV, instead he focused on winning a staring contest against the wall. Hayden could practically hear his thoughts churning around his head. 

Welp, this should free him from this stupor at least.

For a split second no recognition crossed his face, when Hayden unmuted the TV, but as soon as he realised what it was he shot Hayden a look. “Really?”

“It’s a good movie.” Hayden said. He’d been trying to get Shane to watch Star Wars ever since he’d confessed to never having seen them. He’d had little success. Then he tries a somewhat underhanded approach. “It was Rozanov’s favourite.”

Shane looked away from glaring at the TV, and towards Hayden. “Really?”

It had been Rozanov’s favorite. Hayden preferred the originals personally, but of the prequels it was definitely the strongest. Also the actor who played Anakin was named Hayden so there was that.

If the situation was any different, Hayden might’ve been offended that Shane agreed to watch Star Wars for the first time ever because Ilya liked this movie. But he was just taking what he could get that night.

It was slightly amusing to watch as Shane realised he actually really disliked Episode 3.

“Was Padme supposed to be eight months pregnant at the beginning of the movie?” Shane asked incredulously. “It’s only been a few days!”

“Well—”

“And they called him Darth Vader?” Shane said, seemingly to no one in particular. “That literally means ‘dark father’ in German. Why would it be in German? Isn’t this all happening in space?”

“I mean…”

“And Padme just died? Was it because of childbirth? She was fine!” Shane exclaimed.

“She may have died of sadness, it’s unclear.” Hayden chimed in, which only further pissed Shane off.

Considering the two of them were noted for their lack of aggression on the ice, Shane especially, known for not getting into fights, they certainly got close to exchanging blows over this.

“That was ridiculous!” Shane exclaimed.

“That was a fucking classic movie!” Hayden exclaimed back.

“Classic? Classic!” Shane said. Hayden’s phone started to ring but they both ignored it, too engrossed in their argument.

“Yes, it was a classic! They’re all classics!” Hayden said, and he felt like he was trying to hold sand in his hand, the explanation for how important and good these movies were was on the tip of his tongue. But it wasn’t coming out. He settled for: “It’s fucking Star Wars! It’s an institution!”

Hayden’s phone rang again.

“It’s a gimmick.” Shane said, pulling back on the yelling, but his tone remained the same. “And it got old after the second one.”

“The second one?” Hayden said. “You mean Attack of the Clones? You actually liked Attack of the Clones?”

“No, the actual second one.” Shane said. His eyes squeezed shut and he snapped his fingers in the air, trying to recall.

“Oh.” Hayden said. “Empire Strikes Back, fair enough.”

Shane let out a relieved breath, he always hated when he couldn’t think up the name of something. “Yes, thank you.”

Hayden’s phone rang again, and their momentary pause let them actually hear it for the first time.

“Holy—” Hayden lunged for it, flopping onto the bed like a whale, the phone shooting up in the air like the sea foam, as he went down.

“Oh—” Shane, with his hockey reflexes, actually managed to catch the phone as it sailed from the bed, juggling it for a beat tossing it back to Hayden like a hot potato.

“Hi! Hey! Hello!” Hayden said really quickly, and out of breath. 

“...Hi.” Jackie said. Hayden pressed the phone to his ear harder like that’d make Jackie speak faster. “Are you alright?”

“I- yes. Hi, honey.” Hayden said. “Sorry, just sort of anxious.”

Jackie chuckled. “Well, good news and bad news.”

“Oh god.” He put the phone on speaker and brought it back to the bed where Shane sat. “OK?”

“Good news: you two didn’t break him with magic.” Jackie said.

“Oh, thank god.” Shane muttered.

“Wait there’s—”

“Bad news: his father died.” Jackie said bluntly.

Welp.

On the bright side, Hayden had not murdered his father, so this was one thing that he didn’t need to feel immense personal guilt about.

“Jesus.” Shane said, relief draining from his face.

“So where is he?” Hayden asked. Clearly Shane was not in the headspace to be asking follow up questions at the moment.

“No one seems to know.” Jackie said. “Either home to Russia, or back to Boston? Maybe he went to both?”

“Alright.” Hayden said, at least knowing he’d get some shut eye. “Thanks Jackie, you’re genuinely the best.”

“Thanks, Jackie.” Shane said somewhat miserably.

“There’s more.” Jackie said.

Because of fucking course, there is always more somehow.

“Brenda said he’d been… weird ever since the Boston Montreal game.” She continued. “Not weird like he’d been the past few months.”

Hayden had filled her and Shane in on what Marleau had told him in the car, how Rozanov had been a machine on the ice and a dickhead off of it, ever since Shane ditched him.

“Weird how?” Shane said, “Was it because we went to see him? Was he upset?”

“No.” Jackie quickly amended. “Not bad, weird. Less angry. Less snappy.”

“Huh.” Hayden said. He’d not expected that one.

Shane sighed. “Maybe our shared psychotic break was comforting to him.”

“Or… maybe he sort of believed you?” Jackie ventured.

Shane scoffed. “No. He definitely didn’t.”

“He might’ve.” Hayden tried. “I mean we only talked for a few minutes… maybe he thought it over more.”

“Maybe he’s planning on contacting the authorities and ordering a wellness check on us.”

Or maybe that, Hayden supposed.

“Well, let’s think positively.”

“I’m positive he thinks we’re nuts.” Shane said dryly. Jackie let out a short laugh she’d clearly tried to hold in.

“Well I’ve got four kids who need baths so… I’m gonna—” Jackie cut herself off with the dial tone.

Both Hayden and Shane slumped back onto the bed. Hayden stretched, releasing tension that had been keeping his muscles rigid all at once. An unexpected sort of calm came over him.

“Alright, so it’s definitely not our fault.” Hayden said. Shane scoffed.

“Nope.” He said, “... it just… it sucks.”

Hayden propped himself up on his elbows and turned slightly to face Shane. “Yeah, I mean I feel really bad for him. Losing a parent is hard.”

Shane dragged a hand over his face, smoothing out the wrinkles on his furrowed forehead, and smushing his nose. “Yeah, that too.”

Now Hayden scoffed. “That too? I was talking about his dad dying. What were you talking about?”

“No, I mean, I sort of meant that. I do feel bad, and it’s horrible his dad died.” Shane shifted uncomfortably in the bed. From the looks of it he had not experienced the relief and calmness that Hayden had. “I mean it sucks I can’t be there for him. I can’t call him. Or text. I don’t know how he’s doing. I probably won’t ever find out.”

Hayden’s skin prickled, the low slow cooking guilt deep in his stomach had never really gone away, but moved to a back burner instead. Now, there were no more moves left to make, he couldn’t be optimistic about their chances, when the reality of their chances was staring them in the face.

Hayden said, relaxing into the bed again. “I’m so sorry man.”

He’d said that roughly ten million times. Shane had asked him to stop somewhere around two million, but he couldn’t help himself. He was the primary source of everything making Shane sad at the moment.

Shane groaned. “Hayden.” He said warningly. “I’m just complaining… I’m not mad.”

“I know.” Hayden replied. Then in his head, I’m still sorry. Ten million and two times.

Eventually Shane got up. He didn’t seem mad, just sad as always. He scooped up the phone from where he tossed it on the bed, and gave Hayden one of those awkward little waves before making his exit.

Hayden sat in silence, starfished on the bed, staring at the ceiling. He wasn’t really thinking about anything at all, just being quiet. Sure enough, pretending to be asleep generally leads to actually being asleep.

He was woken abruptly by an unfamiliar alarm. The lights he hadn’t turned off were blinding him, so he fumbled through the sheets for his phone, but came up empty. Then he realised the source of the noise was next to the bed, and he dove sideways.

Phone secured, unplugged and answered in record time. “... ‘ello?” He answered. It was not his best work.

“Hollander?” A deep accented voice asked on the other end. Then, not waiting for confirmation, continued. “Tell me more about your stupid magical bullshit.”

Hayden gulped. “Uhhh.” He said dumbly. His brain was still not fully online.

“Hollander?” The voice, that Hayden was fairly certain belonged to Ilya Rozanov, said.

“No. Not Hollander.” Hayden said, words unsticking from his throat.

There was silence on the other end, which made sense because Hayden now realised he was holding Shane’s phone, and Ilya Rozanov had called Shane’s phone, expecting Shane to pick up, which was a perfectly reasonable assumption.

“I will get him.” Hayden said, determined.

“I can—” Rozanov started.

“No!” Hayden interjected. “Don’t hang up! Stay right there, don’t move a muscle!”

“...OK?”

Hayden didn’t even put on shoes. Which was really so gross. He would recoil in disgust in about an hour when he remembered he’d walked all over the hotel carpets that had probably never been cleaned, with his bare feet. For the moment though, he was on a mission.

Up two flights of stairs, down one wrong hallway and two right hallways, Hayden found himself at Shane’s hotel room door at… Hayden glanced down at the time on the phone and yes, it was three in the morning.

He knocked three times, hard, and waited. He knocked three more times, after not actually waiting that long, and was ready to tuck the phone under his chin so he could utilize both hands for knocking, when a very sleepy Shane Hollander opened the door. “Jesus, what? Wait, Hayden?”

“I have your phone.” Hayden said, and he stuck the phone out for Shane to take. Which Shane did not take.

“You have my what?”

“Phone. Here.” He more aggressively thrusts it at Shane who finally takes it.

“OK? Thanks.” Shane said, not actually looking at the phone.

“Answer!” Hayden shouted, and then he remembered it’s three in the fucking morning and he looked around for angry hotel goers.

“Answer?” Shane stage whispered back.

“Yes!” Hayden said, also whispering. “Answer the phone!”

“Who is it?”

“If you don’t answer that motherfucking phone right now I’m going to kill us both.” Hayden spit out shocking both of them with his tone.

Shane did not argue further, and brought the phone up to his ear. “Hello?”

And then eyes wide as Hayden had ever seen them, Shane returned to a volume that was not appropriate for a hotel hallway at three in the morning. “Ilya?!?”

Shane looked over at Hayden like he might have answers. He did not. Instead, Hayden took a step back and gestured for Shane to continue on his own. Hayden had come to find out his presence was just not needed in these situations.

Shane mouthed, thank you, to Hayden as he quietly shut the door. Just before it latched closed Hayden heard from the other line, once again. “Alright, tell me more about your ridiculous magic bullshit.”

And then Hayden had the best night’s sleep of his entire life. He actually skipped back to his own hotel room, snuggled up in bed and was seconds away from falling asleep when he remembered the mold stains he’d seen on the carpet. Then after a very quick, foot focused shower, he crashed.

He woke up to a shining sun, and chirping birds, and a series of very impatient knocks on his door.

“I had your phone.” Shane said. In one hand he held out Hayden’s phone, in the other a hot coffee.

“Thanks.” Hayden said after taking both.

Shane came in and waited while he packed up the rest of his stuff into a suitcase, and Hayden managed to let it rest for about five whole minutes when he just couldn’t help it anymore.

“So what happened?”

“What happened with what?” Shane asked innocently. He was sitting on the ledge of the window, while Hayden shoved clothes into his suitcase laying on the bed.

“Fuck off, you know what.” Hayden said.

“Oh, Ilya?”

“Yeah, Ilya.” Hayden said, making his voice really high pitched at the end, because he was very mature.

“Well, he still doesn’t believe me. Or he said he doesn’t.” Shane said, not sounding sad or miserable or upset about it for the first time in a while. “But he said he was bored and needed some ‘bullshit distractions’... and so he called me. ”

“And unblocked you.” Hayden pointed out. Shane ducked his head down trying to hide the smile.

“Yeah.”

“So… you two are…” Hayden trailed off because he’d been hoping Shane would swoop in and finish the sentence.

Instead, Shane shrugged. “We’re… I don’t know. It’s weird. He still seems a little mad. But I guess he just wanted to talk to someone not involved in everything going on over there.”

“And he picked you.” Hayden said, voice pitched up again, like they were on a playground.

“Shut up— yes, he picked me.” Shane said. Then the quiet melancholy returned, just a little, around the eyes mostly. “It doesn’t mean anything. We’re not together.”

“You’re not apart.” Hayden said. Shane’s eyes cleared up.

“Yeah.” He agreed. “This is better than apart.”

And this unexpected turn of events meant Hayden had tasks and goals to work on, once again. A huge relief to him, and those around him who had to watch him go insane when he had nothing to do except stew.

He spent the entirety of their plane ride home brainstorming, before stopping. He had learned his lesson about meddling, multiple times over. This one would have to be on Shane.

The next morning, Hayden went over to Shane for a quick breakfast before practice, and very subtly and inconspicuously asked him about his plan.

“So the next game against Boston is in three weeks.” Hayden said. He hadn’t even started to eat the yogurt Shane had made him, too distracted.

Shane, less distracted, ate another spoonful of yogurt and nodded. “Yes.”

“Alright.” Hayden  said, and clapped his hands together. “What’s the plan? What’s our angle? How are we doing this?”

“Doing this?” Shane said, then a pause for more yogurt. “Doing what?”

“Getting your man!” Hayden said.

Shane cocked an unimpressed eyebrow. “My man?”

“People say that! It’s a thing people say.”

“Well, I don’t have a man, and Ilya certainly isn’t had by anyone.” Shane said. Now scrapping the bottom of the bowl. “Are you going to eat that?” He pointed at Hayden’s untouched yogurt with his spoon.

“Can you focus?” Hayden said. But he tugged the yogurt bowl closer to him, because he was actually starving.

“I don’t know what the plan would be!”

“That’s where the plan-ing comes in.” Hayden said

“Fine. What do you think?” Shane said.

Oh, thank god, Hayden wanted to meddle so bad.

“Well, we could try to talk to him again. Not my favoruite. Didn’t go great.” Hayden recounted. “Then I was thinking: big romantic gesture. A private one, obviously. Like buying out a whole restaurant and sending all the staff home and cooking him dinner.”

Shane seemed a little scared of that plan. He looked down at their yogurts. “This is pretty much the extent of my cooking ability.”

“OK, maybe keep one chef there and have NDAs ready.” Hayden amended.

“Hayden, I really appreciate this, and I know you feel… strongly. But I think it’s just going to work out how it works out.” Shane said. 

“It’s just going to work out?” Hayden parroted. “Who are you?”

That got a laugh out of Shane, who said. “Being you for a minute gave me a new perspective. I handled an actual real live emergency, and everyone was fine.”

“OK, father of the year.” Hayden said. “Man does one ER trip and he thinks he’s ready for parenthood.”

“Shut up!” Shane said, shoving Hayden away lightly. “I’ve never had people really count on me like that before. I mean, being captain of a team is one thing, and I try to look out for everyone… but they were literally helpless. They needed me for everything, and I was mostly able to handle it.”

Hayden nodded. Since their swap, Shane had been coming over more and more, and helping with the kids when he could. Even in the locker room he seemed more even keeled, and less anxious.

The night of their next game against Boston, this was on full display. Shane had always been able to command the room, even if he came across a little stiff and distant, he had a presence. But that night, it was like a whole different guy showed up for warmups.

They got onto the ice together, doing laps. Shane had a twinkle in his eye, and a smile that refused to leave his face.

“Hey—” Hayden said, skating up beside him when they were done. He glanced around to make sure no one else was in ear shot. “Did something happen?”

Shane double checked who was nearby too, before leaning over. “A small something may have happened. He asked me to come over tonight.”

Hayden pulled back to give him a look, “What? And you didn’t tell me?”

Shane sighed. “I didn’t want to jinx it. Besides, it’d be kind of embarrassing if it turns into nothing.”

“It can’t be nothing.” Hayden reasoned. “Him ignoring you was nothing. This is definitely something.”

The smile shined just a tiny bit brighter after that, even as they huddled up around their coach to go over everything once more before the game started.

Hayden got in position on Shane’s wing, the perfect angle to catch a glimpse of Rozanov as they took the face off. He looked better. Not physically attractive to Hayden, thank god, but better. Less gaunt.

Hayden had been thinking about pretty much anything besides hockey when the game started. Shane and Roz. What they would do. If Shane would tell him what happened. If Hayden should ask. He also thought about Jackie, but more in a general, I love Jackie, sort of way.

He’s not sure what was on his mind when Cliff Marleau blindsided Shane, knocking him off his feet and sprawled on the ground.

He is very sure what was on his mind when he came up beside Cliff Marleau, fists raised and connecting with Marleau’s jaw. It was something along the lines of: ATTACK! HIT HIM! SHANE IS HURT! ATTACK!

Unfortunately, Marleau could give as good as he got, and quickly repaid the favour. He earned a bruise on his cheekbone and a dressing down from Theiralt in the locker room as a reward.

When he got to his stall, he had a dozen frantic text messages from various interested parties. Yuna had called him once, then texted the hospital information. Jackie had asked how Shane was once or twice. Cliff Marleau had DM’d him on Instagram which was weird as fuck, and he’d be dealing with that later. But most importantly of all:

UNKNOWN NUMBER - 10:22 PM

Is he ok

Can you just tell me how he is when you find out

This is ilya

Fuck delete that this is lily

Do you know where he went

Pike???

Pick up your phone

You voicemail is full pick up your phone

Just call me when you know something

Or text me

Just let me know if you find out if hes ok please

Hayden could hardly believe his eyes, as he scanned over the texts. He absentmindedly wondered how Rozanov had gotten his number, but filed that away for later.

Before he could think better of it, he called Rozanov.

“Hello? Pike?” Rozanov answered halfway through the first ring. “Pike?”

“Here, I’m here!” Hayden said.

“Where is he?”

“Rozanov—”

“Do you know where?”

“Yes, but—”

“Tell me. What hospital.”

“Rozanov, just listen—”

“Tell me—”

“Ilya!” Hayden shouted, finally silencing the him. Hayden took a deep breath. “Listen to me. It is late at night, and he just got there. Visitors won’t be allowed right now.”

“I can—”

“We’re still listening.” Hayden said, and he’s pretty sure he stole that line from his kids nanny. “I’m going to come and pick you up tomorrow, and drive you to the hospital, during visiting hours, and I’ll make sure his parents are preoccupied. Alright?”

“You will come… get me?” Ilya said.

“Yes.”

“Why can’t you just tell me now and we meet there tomorrow?”

“Because I’m pretty sure that you’d just go there now and stay all night.” Hayden replied.

After a brief silence, a terse, “Fine.” Came across the other line. “When?”

“I’ll text you.” Hayden said, because he kind of came up with this plan on the spot, and didn’t actually know the hospital’s visiting hours. “Bye, Roz.”

“Hold on!” He stammered. “Is he… have you heard anything?”

Hayden sighed. He’d only skimmed Yuna’s text but it didn’t seem too serious. “He’s alright. They're not sure exactly what happened yet but he's not critical and no one mentioned surgery.”

“Oh.” Ilya said, his voice deflating. “OK.”

“Yup.” Hayden said, awkwardly. “Well.”

“Good night, Pike.” Ilya said, his clipped voice had reemerged. Then, “Thank you.” Said all at once like he hoped Hayden wouldn’t understand. It was followed by the dial tone.

-

The front porch looked different in the early, early morning. They’d been a little restrained by scheduling, visiting hours started at nine, while Ilya’s plane left at ten. So here Hayden was, at seven fucking AM, on Ilya Rozanov’s front porch. He was not behind the ficus this time at least.

He didn’t have to knock. As soon as his foot hit the front step on the porch, the door swung open and Ilya was out the door. He brushed past Hayden who stood on the steps and watched him jog down to the car.

“Good morning to you, too.” Hayden muttered.

He found Ilya in the passenger seat, buckled in, phone in his lap while his index finger tapped anxiously on the back. “Well?”

“Well, what?” Hayden said, getting in too.

“How is he? What is the news?”

“There is no news.” Hayden said, starting the car and pulling out of the driveway. “We’re going there to find out about the news.”

“You have a cellphone?” Ilya asked. “You know those are used to communicate information quickly.”

“Fuck off.” Hayden griped. “The doctors haven’t told anyone anything yet. We don’t know.”

Ilya grumbled and shifted in his seat, staring outside the window broodingly. And then Hayden realised he was going to be stuck in a car with Ilya fucking Rozanov for an extended period of time. He had not considered this when he was busy crafting his plan to reunite him and Shane. He was now even more motivated to reunite them, if only because it meant he wouldn’t have to spend any more time with Rozanov, than absolutely necessary.

He searched his mind, for something, anything to talk about.

Hockey came up first, and was just as quickly ruled out. That would only piss both of them off.

Shane? No. Right now, that was a touchy subject. And honestly, Hayden didn’t want the nitty gritty details of their relationship.

No politics. No religion. No hockey. No Shane.

“So.” Hayden said, sounding horrifyingly like a camp counselor trying to involve a reclusive camper. “Grey’s Anatomy, huh?”

Ilya turned away from the window to give Hayden an incredulous look. “...yes?”

“Love that show.” Hayden said.

“Yes.” Ilya agreed. And turned back to the window. Then after the briefest moment of hesitation, he continued. “No spoilers.”

Hayden scoffed. “It’s nearly fifteen years old, I think the statute of spoilers has passed.”

“I will kill you.” He grunted in return.

Fine, Hayden could work with that. “What season are you on?”

Ilya looked back cautiously. Then like Hayden had set a trap and Ilya was worried he was about to fall in, he said. “I just finished one.”

Hayden’s brows shot up. “One! Oh, great season. Two is good, three is meh.”

“You have seen all of them?” Ilya asked.

“Up to season eleven.” Hayden said. He opened his mouth to explain that he couldn’t continue to watch after Derek died, but stopped himself in the nick of time. “Got kind of convoluted.” Hayden finished instead.

And that was also true.

“Yes. Is very dramatic show.” Ilya commented. “I do not like Addison.”

“She grows on you.” Hayden said. “And there’s more to it than you think.”

“So Derek is not a cheater?”

“Well, that’s debatable, he was still legally married.” Hayden said. “But it wasn’t a simple situation. Neither of them handled it well, and Meredith just happened to walk into a mess.”

“Mhmm.” Ilya commented. “I hope she leaves him. They should not fight over this man, his hair is not that great.”

Hayden winced, because boy do they fight over him. Thankfully, Ilya doesn’t seem to notice.

Instead, he turned more fully to Hayden, and said. “You would know about messy situations. Yes?”

Hayden gulped. “Yes.”

“And you say… you are the cause of the mess. You did everything wrong.”

“OK, I didn’t do everything—”

“No, I mean everything that was wrong, you did. Not Shane.”

“Oh.” Hayden said. “Yeah. I guess. Shane didn’t do anything that weekend. Not to you anyway.”

Ilya resettled in his seat, staring off more contemplatively, and less broodingly.

Hayden, because he can never ever just leave it, turned toward him a little. “You know Shane is kind of anxious, right?”

Ilya scoffed. “Yes, I noticed.”

“Well, he’s super anxious about the gay thing.” Hayden said, and as the words left his mouth he realised that he’d never actually acknowledged the gay thing with Rozanov. Well, no time like the present.

“Yes.” Ilya agreed. “He is paranoid.”

“Probably.” Hayden said. “I’m just saying, do you think he would tell me everything about you guys and your… relationship, for a prank?”

Ilya paused.

“He didn’t even tell me anything before he sent me to fucking Florida.” Hayden said. “I had no idea you two… did whatever.”

Ilya laughed. “Had gay sex.”

“Yeah, that.”

“Say it.”

“I’m not saying it.”

“Homophobic.”

Hayden scoffed, and as best he could with two hands on the wheel, he tried to thwap Ilya on the shoulder. “I am not homophobic.”

“Cannot even say gay sex.”

“Gay sex.” Hayden said flatly. “There. Are you happy?”

“Very.” 

“Great.” Hayden grumbled. “Because Shane didn’t fill me in on the gay sex thing before I got there, and I thought you two hated each other.”

Ilya seemed to mull that over. “OK.”

“OK?” Hayden said. “OK, like…” you actually believe us?

“No.” Ilya said, all of a sudden snapped back to the closed off distant posture. “I just need to see Shane. Make sure he is OK.”

Hayden readjusted his grip on the wheel. “And then?”

Ilya frowned. “I don’t know.”

-

This turned out to be one of Hayden’s better plans. They arrived at eight sharp, and Hayden parked Ilya in a different wing of the hospital with sunglasses and a hat. Hayden would distract Yuna and David until nine, when he’d ‘receive a text from Shane’ saying they were ordering more tests, and he couldn’t have visitors until ten that morning.

Ilya would be waiting, swoop in, do whatever he had to do, hopefully hear Shane out, and then make it out unseen, in time to catch his plane.

As well laid as it was, it fell apart like all of Hayden’s plans fell apart.

At nine, Hayden speedwalked through the hallways. He dodged wheelchairs and nurses left and right. When he saw Ilya duck inside a hospital room from down the hall, he broke out into a near sprint.

Before the door had even had time to close completely behind Ilya, Hayden was ripping it open.

“Pike?” Ilya exclaimed.

“Hayden!” Shane also exclaimed, except with a goofy grin on his face.

“I’m so sorry, his parents are coming.” Hayden said in between wheezes.

“They’re coming?” Ilya repeated. Hayden jerked his head into somewhat of a nod. “But you said—”

“They didn’t listen!” Hayden exclaimed. “They wanted to wait for him in his room!”

“Why?”

“I don’t know!”

“Yaaaaay!” Shane said. “Ilya… Hayden… My mom and dad… We can all hang out!”

“No.” Hayden and Ilya said at the same time. Shane’s smile dropped. “You don’t want to meet my parents?”

Ilya clearly had no idea how to respond to that, so Hayden chimed in, “Jesus, how high is he?”

“Five foot ten, I think.” Shane replied, happy again.

“OK, so you’ve got like ten minutes. Max.” Hayden said, ignoring Shane. “So make it count. OK?”

“Hold on.” Ilya said, hand raised, halting Hayden’s moves towards the door. “I have… questions.”

“Questions?” Hayden said, glancing out the window. Only nurses so far.

“Yes. About your bullshit story.” Ilya said. “He does not seem to be able to answer them.”

They both look over at Shane, “I like questions! Ask me a question! I’ll answer! ...and I’ll tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help me God. Swear! See?” He held up his thumb, “Pinky promise!”

“Ok fair enough. Hit me.” Hayden said.

“How did you get swapped?” Ilya asked, with narrow eyes.

“Not entirely sure, we think it had something to do with a little old lady who bumped into us the night before.”

“OK.” Ilya replied, thinking it over. Hayden was sort of curious what criteria Ilya was using to judge his answers. “How did you get unswapped?”

“We just did on Sunday night. Went to sleep as each other, woke up as ourselves.” Hayden said.

“Hayden made me shit my pants.” Shane interjected.

“Shane, not now.” Hayden said.

“And you’ve told no one else this?” Ilya said. “Just me?”

“My wife.” Hayden amended. “She wasn’t there for the weekend so we told her when she got home.”

Ilya considered that. He considered all of that, plus whatever they’d said at his house, plus what Hayden said in the car. He seemed to really dislike the conclusion he came to.

“My mother told me stories like this.” Ilya said quietly. “She believed they were true.”

“You mom knows people who’ve been swapped?” Hayden said.

“She told stories.” Ilya corrected.

“That’s more than any of us know about it!” Hayden said. “Come on, get her on the phone!”

Ilya scoffed. “Well, did you bring the ouija board?”

Hayden blinked, shuffling his feet. Somehow, Shane, as high as he was, came to the correct conclusion before Hayden did, muttering, “Yikes.” To himself in his hospital bed.

“Oh.” Hayden said.

“She is dead.” Ilya said. “So, we cannot ask.”

“Sorry.”

“What did this woman look like?” Ilya demanded. “What time of night was it?”

“Uh, dusk.” Hayden recalled. “And… I don’t really remember. She was just a little old lady.”

“She was shorter than us…in her late seventies… short grey hair… wearing a pink dress and sweater.” Shane listed off details, head rocking back and forth.

Hayden gaped at him. “How do you remember that?”

Shane shrugged. “Well, I saw her face pretty well. And her dress matched her suitcase, which I thought was cool.”

Hayden might be really unobservant.

He didn’t get to follow that line of thought because Ilya jumped in. “She was carrying a suitcase?”

Hayden glanced at Shane, then back at Ilya. “Yes?”

Ilya sighed. “Fuck.”

“...fuck… what?” Hayden said.

“Fine!” Ilya said, “Fine, whatever. You were bodyswapped. This is ridiculous.”

“You believe us?” Hayden said, dumbfounded.

“Yes, whatever.” Ilya grumbled.

As if the one thing plaguing every moment of Hayden’s life for the past two months hadn’t been fixed, magically, after a short description of the woman who had bumped into them. All of a sudden, the worst thing he’d ever done was… kind of alright or at least slightly better.

“Oh thank god.” Hayden said, and surprised them both by pulling Ilya into a hug.

After a few silent moments, hands very carefully came around Hayden’s shoulders, half committing to the hug, but clearly waiting for him to pull away.

“Wow.” Shane said, cupping his cheeks with his hands. “You two are friends!”

“No.” Hayden and Ilya say at the same time, again. They pulled away from each other, and stood further apart than they had been before.

Hayden glanced over at the window one more time, and sure enough a big crowd of people was slowly filtering through the hall, probably all the people who’d been cooped up waiting for visiting hours to start. Probably Yuna and David.

“OK.” Hayden said. “Now that we’ve gotten all that out of the way… I’m just gonna…” He pointed at the door as he walked toward it, opened it, and went through it.

Letting it close behind him, he turned at the last second and saw Shane reaching out a hand towards Ilya, and saying “Hey! Heeeeey, heyyyyy!”

Ilya crossed the room, all the while shushing him, but he was by Shane’s bedside when the door latched shut.

_

“Daaaaaaaaaa…”

Hayden thought he might be going deaf in one ear. As hard as he listened, he could never quite hear the final ‘d’ in the word ‘Dad’ when Ruby whinged it like that.

“Oops!” Jackie said, plopping on the couch next to them. “Inside voices!”

“But I wanna watch Moana!” Ruby continued to whine, grumpily settling into the couch cushions.

“No dice, sweetie.” Jackie said. “Today is Dad’s TV Day.”

Hayden had been granted total control over the TV on the night of the playoffs, even since the twins could say ‘Frozen’. Any other day of the year, sure, turn on Disney Channel. He shouldn’t watch so much TV, anyway.

But the playoffs? He was watching the playoffs. Unless he was playing in them, he was watching them.

This particular playoff game wasn’t all that exciting, to be fair to Ruby. The Admirals did what they’d been doing all season: playing better than the other team.

Deep down he thought that they could’ve made it, if Shane hadn’t been out for the season, but what can you do, really?

Speaking of Shane, Hayden had a text.

Shane - 6:28 PM

Good for him

6:29 PM

No not good for him

Bad for us

You would’ve gotten us there

Shane - 6:30 PM

You don’t know that

They’ve been great all season

6:30 PM

We were great all season

Till fucking marleau

Shane - 6:32 PM

He called and apologized

He sent a card

6:33 PM

It was a set up

Like that ice skater and her knee

Shane - 6:34 PM

It was not a set up

I shouldn’t have been looking backwards

6:35 PM

Victim blaming

Shane - 6:35 PM

It is not victim blaming

I would be the victim in this scenario

6:36 PM

So have you heard anything?

Really subtle Hayden, he thought to himself as soon as he hit send. It’s just that his skin was starting to get itchy the longer he waited, and he didn’t want to start getting the sweats. Also he was extremely nosy.

Shane - 6:38 PM

No

We’re just texting

He hasn’t said anything about it

6:39 PM

Are you gonna ask again?

Shane - 6:40 PM

No

I only asked the first time cause I was on morphine

It was kind of a lot

6:41 PM

It’s a good idea

Russia sucks anyways

He should be honored

Ive never been invited to the cottage

Shane - 6:42PM

You wanna come to the cottage

6:43 PM

I’m not driving to fucking ottawa

Shane - 6:43 PM

Fuck off ottawa is nice

Hayden glanced up at the screen. Sure enough the buzzer went down to zero. The Admirals swarmed around each other, hugging and jumping. Good for them, Hayden thought begrudgingly.

Shane - 6:55 PM

Welp there you go

6:56 PM

Anticlimactic

Shane - 6:56 PM

Just cos youre used to being there not watching it from a couch

Hold on

6:58 PM

Who is that?

Is he bringing a fan down?

This is so weird

Do you know what hes doing

Holy shit

HOLY SHIT!

Are you seeing this???

Oh my god

Did he say anything about it?

Woah

Holy shit.

Hayden had sort of risen up from his seat in shock. His kids continued playing, obviously not particularly caring about the TV when hockey was playing, no matter what went on. Jackie, who understood the gravity, gave Hayden a wide eyed look. 

He tripped over himself to get into the kitchen and because Shane wasn’t answering his texts, he fumbled with the phone, pulling up Shane’s contact and dialling.

It rang once, twice, three times… “We’re sorry, this line is currently busy. Please leave a message at the tone, or call back again later. We apologize for the inconvenience.”

Hayden stared at the phone, currently letting out a ‘tone’ cueing Hayden to leave a message. “Uh hey. Call me back whenever…” Hayden said. He didn’t want to ramble so he just held the phone there, not really sure what to say.

Line busy. Line busy?

Who could he be—

“Huh!” He said, actually laughing out loud as it hit him. “Tell Lily I say hi!”

With that he hung up, slipping his phone into his back pocket and glancing back towards his kids, playing with toys in front of the TV and bouncing on the couch. Scott Hunter’s kiss was being replayed over and over again.

And then… “Oh fuck.” Hayden muttered out loud. He’d mastered cursing under his breath just out of earshot of his wife and kids, at this point. He bit back an even worse string of words, opting to groan and shuffled back to the couch, plopping down on it miserably.

“What?” Jackie said, looking at him concerned. “Is everything alright? Did you talk to Shane?”

“Huh?” Hayden said. “Oh, no. He’s busy.”

“Okay…?” Jackie said, her obvious question went unasked.

Hayden sighed. “I just realised I’m probably going to have to go on double dates with Rozanov now.”

Hayden did not appreciate the cackle that Jackie didn’t even try to muffle, but he did appreciate the way she curled up around him when she finally reigned it in. 

He’d been on bad dates before, but one with fucking Rozanov? Now that would be the baddest.

Chapter End Notes

and ok my thought process with this chapter: this is a canon divergence, but like after this the plot follows as normal. In this chapter all of the pivotal canon convos, including the russia phone call, ‘willyoucometomycottage’ hospital convo, and the phone call right after the skip kiss. Canon is restored, you’re welcome!

also lmk if yall want the ilya interlude, bruh i wrote sm bullshit for this fic istg couldn't even use this.

i'd like to thank the couple of people who came on to my tumblr to preform wellness checks, also to the commenter who i assured that the fic would be finished by april 14... im sorry istg i wasnt lying i was just delusional

My fic pick: like puzzle pieces from the clay by beautifulduckweed. I cackled.

Please come talk to me on tumblr

Alternate title for this fic: "I avoid using the words 'heated' and ‘rivalry' for 46K words."