Rating:

Teen And Up Audiences

Archive Warning:

No Archive Warnings Apply

Category:

M/M

Fandom:

Heated Rivalry (TV)

Relationship:

Shane Hollander/Ilya Rozanov

Character:

Ilya Rozanov

Additional Tags:

Dialogue-Only, Established Shane Hollander/Ilya Rozanov, house tour, Ilya Rozanov is a Menace, Humor, Documentaries

Language:

English

Series:

Part 28 of Retro Writing - May 2026 Challenge

Collections:

Retro Writing Month (2026)

Stats:

Published: 2026-05-28 Words: 645 Chapters: 1/1

Beyond the Ice

Summary

“Welcome back folks, we’re here today with another clip from our mini series, Beyond the Ice. Last time we took you on a tour of the first floor of the humble abode for Ottawa’s own ‘husbands of hockey’, and today we’re headed upstairs for a closer look at the domestic side of living for these two dynamite players.”

Notes

Alternate prompt fill* for day twenty eight of the Retro Writing May 2026 Challenge: Interview/Documentary

*because today's prompt was One Direction and I don't know her. ;) /ducks and hides

“Welcome back folks, we’re here today with another clip from our mini series, Beyond the Ice. Last time we took you on a tour of the first floor of the humble abode for Ottawa’s own ‘husbands of hockey’, and today we’re headed upstairs for a closer look at the domestic side of living for these two dynamite players.”

“I like this word, dynamite.”

“Well lead the way, sir. Let’s head upstairs for a look!”

“First door is linen closet, do not leave door open or it blocks stairs; my Shane had firm words with architect of home, was added after plans had been approved.”

“Oh, ouch. Gotta hate those last minute add ons.”

“Is fine. We go through many linens.”

“...”

“Here is home office, furniture is very sturdy, as you can see- Still standing, and we have lived here for over a year.”

“Well friend, I think furniture is supposed to last more than twelve months, on average. Even that IKEA stuff!”

“You laugh, but you do not understand. Shane is in here, in glasses, everyday. Do you see now?”

“... er. What other rooms are up here?”

“Guest rooms! Come, I will show you.”

“Here is room for my Svetlana when she visits.”

“Cute photos! Is this you as a child?”

“Hm, yes. She brings these from Russia as self defense, actual photos much smaller.”

“Self defense?”

“Yes. Some things cannot be done with children watching, yes? So, photos. Big ones. All over room. Here’s is my Shane too, look-”

“Wow, look at the freckles on that kid.”

“Yes, he is so [BEEP] adorable.”

“Hey there bud, we gotta keep the locker room language on the downlow here. For the ratings, you understand.”

“Ah, yes. Sorry.”

“Second guest room is here-”

“Wow, that’s a lot of bunk beds.”

“Yes, we host team over sometimes. Is safer to keep rookies here so they do not go home to drown in own vomit.”

“Wow. Graphic. And uh-”

“What?”

“Are the Disney bed sheets for the rooks too?”

“Oh! No. Sometimes Pike children come for visit, use same bunkbeds. Here-”

“Removable guard rails for the kids, smart!”

“Yes. Rookies too, sometimes.”

“With the big linen closet though, couldn’t you just change out the sheets for when the kids stay over? Seems like you’d have the rookies here more often?”

“Ah, no. These beds small, linen closet is all king size sheets for our bed.”

“That’s a lot of sheets.”

“Yes? Of course?”

“...okay. What’s next?”

“This is our bedroom.”

“Very nice! That’s a lot of pillows.”

“Is too many, yes?”

“Why do you keep them then? It’s your bed too.”

“...”

“Right, happy spouse, happy house. Got it. Since this is the master suite, are there walk-in closets? His and his?”

“Ah, yes. Closet is there- no, no. No cameras in closest please.”

“Oops, sorry. Just a usual part of the process, you see.”

“Yes, well. Shane does not want cameras in some places.”

“Oh! Well, we can respect that. Did he give you a list of places to keep out?”

“Da. Bedroom closet, dressers, under the bed- Also, bathroom, though I told him I would put all of our things away before cameras come-”

“Your things? Rozanov, pretty sure everyone uses soap and products. It’s nothing to be ashamed about-”

“Ah, you are thinking normal, washing things. But there are sometimes things on bathroom counter for washing that Shane does not want world to see.”

“Oh. Weight loss stuff.”

“No. This I cannot tell you. You have seen backyard? Would not traumatize my poor Anya by letting her dig up my body by mistake.”

“...oh.”

“Da. You are understanding now.”

“Well folks! I think that’s all the time we have for today, thanks so much for tuning in! Don’t forget to like and subscribe, and we’ll see you next week for the next installment of Beyond the Ice!”