Rating:

Mature

Archive Warning:

Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings

Category:

M/M

Fandoms:

Heated Rivalry (TV), Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid, Game Changers | Heated Rivalry - All Media Types

Relationships:

Shane Hollander/Ilya Rozanov, Anya | Ilya Rozanov's Dog & Ilya Rozanov, Anya | Ilya Rozanov's Dog & Shane Hollander, Troy Barrett/Harris Drover, Troy Barrett & Harris Drover & Shane Hollander & Ilya Rozanov, Harris Drover & Shane Hollander

Characters:

Anya | Ilya Rozanov's Dog, Yuna Hollander, David Hollander, Shane Hollander, Ilya Rozanov, Ottawa Centaurs WAGs Ensemble (Game Changers), Ottawa Centaurs Team Ensemble (Game Changers), Harris Drover, Troy Barrett, Chiron (Game Changers), Hayden Pike, Hayden Pike's Children, Jackie Pike, Ruby Pike, Jade Pike, Arthur Pike, Amber Pike, Jean-Jacques Boiziau | J. J. Dagenais, Montreal Voyageurs | Montreal Metros Team Ensemble (Game Changers), Montreal Voyageurs | Montreal Metros WAGs Ensemble (Game Changers)

Additional Tags:

Crack Treated Seriously, Fluff and Humor, Good Dog Anya | Ilya Rozanov's Dog, Shane Hollander Needs a Hug, Anya is Ugly, Like really really scary ugly, Sorry Anya, Shane Hollander Secret Prankster, Protective Ilya Rozanov, Idiots in Love, Marriage Proposal, Ilya Rozanov Loves Shane Hollander, Shane Hollander Loves Ilya Rozanov, Ilya Rozanov is Good With Children, Shane Hollander Calls Ilya Rozanov "Baby", Coming Out, Montreal Voyageurs | Montreal Metros Being Assholes (Game Changers), Shane Hollander is a WAG, Coming out in the weirdest ways possible, Shane Hollander Walks Ilya Rozanov Like A Dog, Shane Hollander also walks the entire Centaurs Team like dogs, Drunk Shane Hollander, WAG Ilya Rozanov, Possessive Ilya Rozanov, Good Boy Luca Haas, Ilya Rozanov is a Little Shit, Freak4Freak Shane Hollander/Ilya Rozanov, Egg Hollander, Texting, Pranks and Practical Jokes, Prank Wars

Language:

English

Series:

Part 6 of PinkSox Heated Rivalry Works

Stats:

Published: 2026-09-01 Completed: 2026-10-11 Words: 41,006 Chapters: 15/15

Beauty is in the Eye of Ilya Rozanov

Summary

Ilya Rozanov is so excited about his new beautiful pup Anya! Except Ilya is blinded by his excitement. Anya is a bit weird looking, okay maybe she's kinda scary looking. Shane adjusts to life with a new dog and makes it his mission to protect Ilya from the truth about Anya.

Excerpt:

Unknown Number:

Please you have to take her back, I can't sleep with her creepy humanlike eyes staring at me.

[Close up image of a dog's face]

She looks like one of the puppets from The Labyrinth. I had night terrors about that movie as a kid.

Harris:

Who is this? Why do you have Anya?

Unknown Number:

Seriously name your price, lie to Ilya and tell him you found her old family and take her away please🙏

Harris:

I don't know who you are but I'm calling Rozanov and maybe the police. This is creepy. Who are you???

Unknown Number:

This is Jane. Ilya's partner. Please. I'm desperate. I wouldn’t have reached out otherwise.

Harris
AS IN MONTREAL JANE??? ROZ'S MYSTERY GIRL!!

I have soooo many questions for you!!!!

Notes

Don't hate me!! I love Anya! It was just a funny thought I had and it wouldn't go away.

Also this fic is dedicated to my beautiful baby doggo who was recently diagnosed with Cushing's Disease which is causing her to go bald and grow a potbelly. But she's still the most beautiful pup around!

Chapter 1: Creepy Puppet from the Labyrinth

Chapter Notes

Unknown Number:

Hello.

Is the Harris?

Harris:

Yes! How can I help you? 

Unknown Number:

Please you have to take her back, I can't sleep with her creepy humanlike eyes staring at me.

[Close up image of a dog's face]

She looks like one of the puppets from The Labyrinth. I had night terrors about that movie as a kid.

Harris:

Who is this? Why do you have Anya?

Unknown Number:

Seriously name your price, lie to Ilya and tell him you found her old family and take her away please🙏

Harris:

I don't know who you are but I'm calling Rozanov and maybe the police. This is creepy. Who are you???

Unknown Number:

This is Jane. Ilya's partner. Please. I'm desperate. I wouldn’t have reached out otherwise.

Harris:

AS IN MONTREAL JANE??? ROZ'S MYSTERY GIRL!!

I have soooo many questions for you!!!!

Unknown Number:

I will answer anything if you please, please, please come get this dog out of my life. She refuses to leave Ilya alone for more than 5 min. She sat outside the shower this morning and watched us. I'm being cock blocked by a creature from my literal nightmares. Please Harris have mercy on me. 

Harris:

Did Roz move here for you?

Are you famous?

Who are you really? I know Jane has to be a fake name

How did you lock him down?

Is it really as big as they say???

Sorry started rapid firing questions before I read that last one 🤣

Unknown Number:

All those answers and more could be yours as soon as the dog is gone.

There are exactly 4 people on this planet that know Ilya and I are a couple. My parents, my best friend & his wife. All of them freaked out when we told them. Best gossip you'll ever get…

Harris:

I can't sorry

Unknown Number:

Please 🙏 

Money! I'll send you money

I'm rich, richer than Ilya

Just tell me how many zeros to put behind the one on the check

Harris:

You've seen them together I can't separate them

Also no one else will take her

My family has been trying to find her a home for months

Unknown Number:

You must miss her after all that time together 💔 Ilya would understand if you wanted her back

Harris:

Even if I could and I don't want to you've seen her…👀

I'm so relieved she's not creeping around the farm anymore. She looks like a fucking skinwalker in the dark.

I love dogs but… I'm not 100% sure she is a dog.

Sorry Jane she's your problem now 🤷‍♂️

Unknown Number:

You bitch…

You don't know who you have just made an enemy of…

I won't forget this…

Harris:

Please answer just one question 🙏

Unknown Number:

I know you’ve been in the locker room. You must have taken a peak. You know he's hung. But my mans a show-er and a grower 🍆 

If this dog is gone before the end of the day. I will send you all the dick pics you want. 

Harris:

No! I don't want Roz's dick pics 

Unknown Number:

He's a talented photographer…

Harris:

No!

Unknown Number:

We'll name our first child after you Harris Rozanov-H********

Harris:

You're fucking crazy

Unknown Number:

Of course I am, have you met my man?? I'm desperate please help me 

Harris:

If that dog disappears I'm sending screenshots to Roz

Unknown Number:

FUCK YOU 

“SHANE! Where did you go? You're missing it! Anya is genius!” Shane took a deep breath, put his phone away and left his hiding place in the pantry to go back to Ilya.

He was sitting on the living room floor and Anya was showing off all her tricks. “Moy lyublyu, she is amazing! Harris just text me a list of all the tricks he was teaching her to help her find a home! Like she needed any help.”

Shane looked at the joy on Ilya's face. He looked happy, happier than Shane had seen him in a long time. God dammit he couldn't take this away from him. 

Jane H:

Well played Drover…don't think I'm going to forget about this.

Shane sat down next to Ilya, leaned his head on his shoulders and sighed. “Okay baby, show me what she can do.” Shane enjoyed his own private circus show. It was truly very impressive all the tricks she knew.

While making dinner they made an extra plain chicken breast for Anya and mixed it into her kibble. Ilya joked about about how similar Shane & Anya's bowls looked.

Then they settled on the couch to watch the Boston vs. New York game. Anya cuddled up with them she was like a warm weighted blanket.

Okay maybe she was kind of sweet. Anya shifted, stretched and rested her head on his lap and fuck…he knew the dog wasn't going anywhere. He was just going to have to get used to her.

Anya slept at the foot of their bed that night. She was well behaved and didn't so much as whine once. 

The next morning Shane woke up with the sun at 6am as per usual and slipped out of bed. He gave Ilya a soft morning kiss before he grabbed his running clothes to change.

Anya followed along. Shane figured that he should take her out with him. He grabbed he leash and took her along with him for.

He was impressed she kept right up along with him. She didn't pull and stayed right next to his side. When they got back home she drank some water and laid across the cool tile floors in the kitchen.

Shane made his usual morning smoothie and scooped some kibble into Anya's bowl. After a quick Google search he also added a handful of frozen berries to her bowl. He sat and drank his smoothie while she munched happily away.

His family had never had a dog or any pets growing up, they were always busy and traveling for his hockey. But he always thought they were nice at friends' houses or if they saw one on a walk.

Shane was realizing very quickly that he liked having a dog around. Anya eventually went to lay back down with Ilya in bed while Shane went to rinse off his run in the shower.

When he stepped back into the bedroom his heart melted at the sight of Ilya cooing quietly in Russian to Anya. Yeah the dog was most definitely staying.

The two of them had a rare day off so of course Ilya insisted on taking Anya on a tour of Ottawa to let her “see the sights”. This tour consisted of the local coffee shop which gave her a pup cup, a petstore in town and finally his parents house so they could meet their ‘grandchild’.

Shane was not great at picking up on social cues from people but even he could see how people looked at Anya.

“Wow such an….interesting looking pup”

“Oh she must have been a rescued from something horrible did you just find her?”

“What sort of crazy mix is she? Are you sure she's all dog?”

or people just flat out stared. Shane even caught someone taking a picture and snickering.

Luckily for everyone Ilya was oblivious “Yes isn't she just the cutest!” “Poor baby was left in the countryside! Can you believe it!” “I don't know but I ordered a doggie DNA test to find out!”

Shane realized something else though. Everyone was looking at their shaggy, snaggle toothed, crazy eyed pup. Which meant no one even realized who her owners were.

Usually if they even went into town alone they at least got a few autograph requests. And if they were together everyone asked if they were really friends, people would be constantly snapping secret pictures and soon their locations would be tweeted and paparazzi would arrive to ruin their day.

Today was different, this weird little monstrosity of a dog had drawn all of the attention. Shane even reached over and grabbed Ilya's hand while they strolled through the pet store isles.

Ilya smiled softly at him. Anya was excitedly sniffing everything and Ilya was picking up her what he deemed to be her “favorites” and putting them in a basket.

When the found a section with doggie clothes Ilya was so excited! However due to her usual proportions nothing seemed to fit right. So they settle for a bandana.

When they finally made their way to the register the teen girl working the register went to offer Anya a treat but Ilya told her to wait and gave Anya a command to ‘spin' she twirled in a circle then did a little bow at the end.

“Ta-da! Isn't she a perfect little baby?”

The girl at the counter offered a tight smiled and handed Anya the treat. “She's a special little pup for sure.”

They grabbed their bags, waved goodbye and headed to the car. Shane realized that he forgot one of the bags.

He ran back in to grab and caught two of the workers talking behind the counter

“Did you see that thing!?? What was it? I've never seen an uglier dog in my life!” The two teens were cackling laughing.

Shane's heart sank, this ugly dog was theirs and Ilya could never know other people thought she was ugly. He snatched the bag off the counter gave the workers a look that let them know they'd been caught, walked out without a word and slammed the door behind him.

Chapter End Notes

Updated some of the formatting of the texting but that's it

Chapter 2: AI Monstrosity

Chapter Notes

I just wanted to update everyone on the fact that the AO3 curse is alive and well. And yet I continue to keep writing 😅

Here's all the things that have happened in my life in the last two months
-Dog Diagnosed with Cushing Disease (lots of expensive testing and no cure)
-Car accident (car totalled)
-Phone battery died (I now have a new phone)
-I work with animals and had a very tramatic animal death plus two other who were euthanized due to age related issues (ALL ON THE SAME DAY)
-Today I came home to find a leak in my ceiling and there is a tree branch stabbed into the roof 🫠

Shane, Ilya and Ayna went straight from the petstore to Shane's parents house. It wasn't a long drive. But Shane was frantically texting his dad the entire way over.

They had to love Anya and Shane would not let them ruin Ilya's delusions about her. 

Shane:

On our way be there in 15 min

Please be nice. Don't make fun of her or be mean!

Dad:

Of course! Why would we be mean to your dog???

Shane:

She's a little different looking.

People have been rude all day.

Ilya loves her so much he doesn't see it. Please be nice.

Tell mom.

Maybe steal her glasses so everything is a little blurry.

Dad:

Don't be over dramatic.

*Mom has been added to Chat*

Shane:

Mom please be nice to Anya. Don't make Ilya feel bad.

Mom:

What's wrong with her???

Shane:

She's a very good dog. She just looks a little unique…

Dad:

I'm sure Ilya has a sense of humor about it.

Shane:

He does not! Don't mention I said anything.

We are pulling in.

Control your faces!

Mom:

RUDE!

Shane shoved his phone into his pocket and helped grab their stuff so Ilya could get Anya.

Shane told him to take Anya potty before bringing her in while he hurried inside ahead of them all.

Shane slipped inside without knocking, knowing he only had a few moments before Ilya and Anya followed.

He just pointed at his parents and sternly said again “Control your faces, I mean it! And don't say I didn't warn you!” Shane heard the click of the door opening again.

Ilya proudly proclaimed “Momma, Papa come meet your precious grand baby!”

Yuna rolled her eyes at Shane then walked around him into the entry way. She was greeted by a bow legged, scruffy, wiggling ball of fur.

“OH WOW! Shane you weren't kidding!” Yuna said wide eyed then when she remembered what Shane had said she pulled her face back to neutral.

Blissfully unaware Ilya just cooed at Anya in nonsensical happiness. “She is the best most beautiful baby in the whole wide world!”

David walked into the room and Yuna shot him a a bizzare look. David barked out a laugh and covered it with a cough. Thry both gave her a little pat on the head while she sat looking aodringly up at them. Then they turned back to Ilya and hugged him. “We can't wait to get to know her. It's already so obvious how much you love her.”

Ilya was so excited to show Anya everything. Even though she was on the larger sized Ilya picked her up with ease and walked her on a tour of the entire house. 

He showed her all the pictures on the mantle of baby Shane, were the best spot to sit on the couch was, the puzzle David was working on, and then he went to the back door. 

"I'm going to show baby Anya the backyard! I also want to see which of the new balls she likes best! We will be quick."

"Sounds good love. We're gonna start dinner." Yuna called out. She then froze waited until the she heard the door click. Then David & Yuna dissolved into a fit of giggles. 

"Seriously! I said don't be mean!" 

"I'm sorry son but she's just soo..."

"Yeah I know." Shane said in a defeated voice. Then he started chuckling too.

"I'm sure she's wonderful I just thought you were exaggerating. But Ilya is so in love with that dog it's very sweet."

"Yeah, he is so sweet and gentle with her." Shane said softly staring at the two of them playing in the backyard. "I'm really glad we have her."

They all stepped into the kitchen and started prepping dinner. Shane set aside a little bit of the salmon didn't season it and cooked it separately.

When questioned by David why he had cooked a completely unseasoned piece. Shane let him know it was for Anya. 

"Sounds like Ilya's not the only one in love with little Anya." David said fondly. "No she's hard to not love, she's really an amazing little dog. I'm sure Ilya will put on a show for you later."

By the end of the evening they were all playing fetch with her and really truly enjoying her company. Ilya had put on his little puppy circus showing off all her tricks. It was actually quite impressive. She jumped and twirled, shook hands, would speak on command and Ilya's newest trick in progress was her jumping up into his waiting arms.

Shane should really text Harris to let him know what an amazing job he had done. 

After a few hours of chatting over dinner then dessert. Shane hugged his parents as Ilya loaded up their car again and they headed back home.

It had been a long day but a great day. Shane and Ilya got to spend the day today out in public and no one oggled them.

Then next morning Shane would have to head back to his place in Montreal. He savored his walk with Anya and their morning togther.

It was always hard leaving Ilya and now he had to leave Anya too. He drug out his goodbyes as long and possible. Contemplated stealing Anya. But finally he made the long drive to Montreal.

He may or may not have shed a few tears as he turned off Ilya's road. He already missed his little family. 

After the two hour drive he was back in Montreal. His apartment felt so empty. He already missed the pitter patter of feet following him. He had to turn on the TV as background noise as it was way too quiet.

Ilya texted promising to send him so many pictures of their girl over the coming days. Ilya was going to make the drive to Montreal in a week. So he wouldn't have to wait long to see them again. 

The next day instead of heading back to his big empty place straight after practice Shane decided to pick up a few things for Anya's upcoming stay. This was they wouldn't have to tote all of Anya's things back and forth.

He found a cute little mom & pop pet store nearby. He already liked it better than the big box store they had gone to in Ottawa.

He started shopping into the cart went a couple dog beds, some treats, an extra leash, an extra collar, a few new toys, a bag of kibble, a storage container for the kibbe, a puzzle feeder dish, then a normal dish in case she didn’t like it, few duplicates of her favorite toys, some all natural pet shampoo, a brush for her spots of long hair, a few more treats and then another impulse purchase toy at the counter.

He didn’t realize just how much he had bought until the worker at the store had to help him carry everything out. He definitely liked this store better. 

He had gotten to chat at the counter with the owner. He showed her a picture of Anya and she wasn't rude. She talked about how Anya reminded her of one of her past dogs, they had the same eyes. 

Shane waved goodbye and promised to bring Anya by sometime soon. 

Once he was home it took a few trips to get everything inside his apartment. He called Ilya and made sure he had gotten everything Anya needed.

Ilya started naming off all sorts of nonsense and for a moment Shane couldn’t quite tell if he was kidding until he heard him giggling on the other end after asking if he hired her a doggie masseuse.

“Shut up Asshole! I just want to make sure she feels at home here!”

“Shane she will have us that’s all she will need to feel at home where ever she is.”

“I love you so much.”

“I love you too sweetheart”

“Now you cannot make fun of me for this because you will 100% be doing the same thing in the future…can you put Anya on Facetime?”

The other line was very quite for a moment Ilya came back into frame carrying Anya. 

“Look Princessa it’s your daddy!”

“ILYA, don’t call me daddy that’s weird”

“What? I’m Papa you’re Dad is obvious”

“Okay but daddy has a very different connotation.”

“Ohhhh you don’t want to get hard in front of our daughter. I understand, I’ll wait until later to call you daddy"

"Noooo!"

"Oh maybe you call me daddy, is okay we try both” Ilya gave him a filthy wink.

Shane groaned in frustration. They sat as a little family until it was time to head to bed.

Shane struggled to sleep in his very big, very empty bed, next week couldn't come soon enough.

The next day Hayden swung by after practice to hangout. As soon as he walked through the door Shane remembered all the dog stuff he bought and how it was currently sitting on his counter top while he decided on permanent locations for it all.

“Are you getting a dog dude? No offense but you really don't seem like the pet type you had to but fake plants because you kept killing the real ones.”

“That was a plant, I'm not going to forget to water Anya!”

“Anya huh? Your actually getting a dog???”

“Well Ilya got a dog and she's coming to visit with him. She was a surprise but I am really happy he has her.”

“Well the kids would love to meet her and they've been asking about Uncle Lily. You should come over for dinner!”

“I don't know. I don't know if I can trust you to behave”

“You know Rozanov and I have been on better terms lately.”

Very quietly Shane said “I'm worried you'll be mean about Anya.”

“DUDE! I love dogs! Just because it's Rozanov's dog doesn't mean I'll hate her. I had the cutest dog as a kid! Ralph he was the sweetest Lab! My only worry is that it will make the kids want a dog. And Jackie really doesn't want to add more chaos to the house…”

Shane let Hayden's rambling word vomit continue as he tried to find the right words.

Shane snapped back to the conversation as Hayden repeated himself. “So? Dinner? You, Me, the Dog and Anya?”

“Shut up asshole” Shane said affectionately shoving his buddy on the shoulder.

“Fine but, you can't be mean I'm serious, it would break Ilya's heart. And you can NEVER breath a word of this conversation to him. Promise?”

“Of course bud, what is so weird about this dog? Is it like a tiny little fru fru dog?”

Shane took a big breath in and out then spoke so fast it was hard to understand him “She's the ugliest dog in the world and Ilya is completely blind to it.”

“What?”

Then words poured out of Shane “She's all scruffy, snaggle toothed, her ears are two different sizes, and fuck Hayden she's got the creepiest human-like eyes. I couldn't sleep the first night with her she just kept staring. Its so bad I may have even tried to bribe the person who rescued her to take her back. I offered money, so much money. But he wouldn't do it. Which I'm really glad about now. Because Ilya is so so in love with her, he's so sweet with her. It makes me melt on the inside. Ilya treats her like our child. He might love that dog more than he loves me honestly. I mean she's a great dog and smart and sweet and once you get used to her she's not so bad to look at. But Jesus she's a hot fucking mess.”

Hayden sat shell shocked for a moment processing everything that had just spilled out of Shane. And then he started to laugh uncontrollably. He buckled to the floor and clutched his stomach. Every time he tried to speak, it was just a wheeze and the laughing started again.

“Hayden, I'm serious!” The laughing paused then  began again. Shane pulled out his phone and opened the latest picture from Ilya.

Anya sat there proudly with her pigeon toed front feet facing away from eachother, her tongue lulling out around her mismatched teeth and she was wearing a hot pink raincoat that really accentuated the piercing nature of her amber eyes. The image immediately sobered Hayden up.

“NOOOOOOOO, thats an AI monstrosity, no way that's a real dog.” Shane scrolled to picture after picture of her, her & Ilya, her & Shane, the three all together, her with his parents, her in Ilya's Lamborghini, it went on and on and on there were dozens of pictures.

“How long have you had her?”

“A week and a half. I have more photos of this dog than I have from the first decade of Ilya & I's relationship.”

“So you also love this dog, like a lot, a lot. You just logically know she looks fucking nuts.”

“Exactly and I refuse to let Ilya know though, look at how he looks at her.”

He shoved another photo into Hayden’s face. It was one Yuna had text them after their dinner. Ilya and Anya were looking adoringly at eachother and Shane was leaning against Ilya looking adoringly at him. 

“You're both idiots.” Hayden said in a fond tone.

Chapter 3: Like Kyle in Despicable Me

When they were all finally reunited Shane was so excited he couldn't decide who to greet first. It turned into a bear hug/tackle of the both of them. 

His house had felt empty and cold. He hated it so much more than usual. He was realizing that home for him wasn't a place anymore it was wherever Ilya and Anya were. 

They spent the next day all cuddle up on the couch. Shane had also bought some puzzle feeder toys he had a Kong in the freezer for her that he had stuffed with yogurt, peanut butter and blue berries. He was able to sneak off with Ilya for some "alone" time.

Last visit all of their sex had been pretty much only happened in the shower since Anya hated it when they closed her out of the room. This  was going to be very helpful. Shane would have to give the woman at the petstore a big thank you for the recommendation. 

Shane washed and refilled the toy plus two more for their long weekend together.

The following day Shane, Ilya and Anya drove over to the Pike's house. Hayden had sworn to be nice and promised to talk to Jackie.

But the wildcards were the kids. Ruby and Jade said whatever thoughts they had immediately as they hadn't developed the parts of their brains that filter thoughts yet.

Shane thought back to some of the things they had commented on during their last trip to the museum. His only hope was the fact that the Ilya was absolutely crazy for the Pike kids. 

Shane brought Jackie's favorite wine and some of David's famous brownies for Hayden and Ilya had a huge bag of toys some for the kids and some for Anya so they could play together.

They said their hellos at the door and shuffled inside. Upon entering Ilya called out “Kids! Come meet your cousin Anya!!” A giggling mob of kids came around the corner and then froze. Eyes wide at the furry friend.

Amber called out an enthusiastic “woof woof!” toddling towards the dog. Which triggered all the kids to approach.

Ilya helped slow down the introductions so it wasn't too overwhelming. He showed each of the kids how to approach her and how to pet her gently.

Anya was in heaven she immediately took to the kids. She flopped onto her side and was getting all the belly rubs she could dream of.

Shane noticed Ruby looking suspiciously at Anya not yet letting her guard down. He leaned in to talk quietly to the little girl “What do you think?”

Ilya was showing off all her tricks. Ruby looked at her dad and when she knew he wasn't looking turned to whisper to Shane. “Uncle Shane, she looks like Kyle in Despicable Me.”

Shane couldn’t help but laugh “You're not wrong Ruby, but remember how Kyle was only scary at first but then he loves the girls. Anya might look a little different but she is kind and nice and loves you guys.”

Ruby leans in and whispers once more “Uncle Shane why does Uncle Ilya sound like Gru? Is he a supervillain?” Shane looks over at Ilya rolling on the floor with his dog and the kids. He just winks back at Ruby and puts a finger over his mouth.

Ruby’s eyes light up and she looks absolutely delighted at this new development. The rest of the evening goes off without a hitch.

After dinner Ilya, Hayden, Arthur, Ruby and Jade all took Anya for a walk around the block. Shane stayed behind to reset after all the noise and to help Jackie clear the dishes from dinner.

The cleanup went quickly with the two of them working together. They were left with a few minutes of peace and quiet before everyone else got back. Jackie opened the bottle of wine and poured them each a glass. She finally broke the silence “Well at least you know Ilya will love your future kids no matter what they look like.”

Shane started laughing “Thanks. But am I just getting used to her or is she really not that weird looking.”

“You might just be going blind from looking directly at her for too long.”

Shane snorted and almost had wine come out his nose. “Sorry last one I promise. She’s an incredibly sweet dog, you guys got a good one. But really how's it been with your practice kid?”

Shane chuckled softly “I really couldn’t imagine how a dog was going to fit into our lives, and now I can’t imagine our life without her. I know she’s mostly Ilya’s dog but, I really love having her around and knowing that she’s taking care of Ilya when I’m not able to be there.”

The two sat enjoying eachothers company the chaos of the Pike home returned. Hayden was holding the leash and Ilya had all the kids hanging off of him.

They came bursting in to tell them all about the squirrel they all chased with Anya and how they all played fetch. 

It was now time for brownies and ice cream. Shane warned all the kids not to feed her any brownie. And Ilya "accidentally" dropped a scoop of vanilla ice cream on the floor for Anya to kick up.

Their evening ended with an intense game of Uno in which Ilya brazenly cheated, slipping every +2 and +4 into the hands of Jade who was sat next to Shane. Hayden was on the other side doing the same with Ruby but Shane was so focused on Ilya he kept missing their double trouble maneuver.

The game ran on and on and finally ended with Shane holding practically half of the deck and Arthur stealing the win when no one noticed he only had one card left because he said UNO! every time he laid down a card.

Once the kids said their goodnights Ilya offered to help Jackie get the kids to bed and read the twins their bedtime story. Hayden and Shane sat on the couch. Anya was pretending to be a lapdog and flopped across Shane's lap.

Hayden smiled at the two, “She's a great dog Shane. I couldn’t quite imagine you with a dog, but she's really great. The kids are definitely going to want a dog now though.”

“Ilya sent me an article the other day about a woman who cloned her dog, I'm not sure if he was joking or one day I'll come home to an entire litter of baby Anyas. You can have one of those.”

Hayden cracked up “You know sometimes I think my house is the most chaotic with all the kids. But then I remember Ilya is just as much of a big kid himself except he's also a millionaire, I think you win. And don't you dare give us one of those things, we will find a more traditional dog IF we end up with one.”

“The kids loved her but I think that's a good choice, Ruby said she looked like the dog in Despicable Me.”

The two broke down into a fit of giggles after Hayden brought up a comparison picture of Kyle.

Jackie and Ilya came back downstairs shushing the two. Ilya came over gingerly kissed Shane and scooped up Anya like she was a tiny Chihuahua not a 50 pound monstrosity. They said their goodbyes to the other couple and promised to text about their girls upcoming birthday. 

The three enjoyed their time together until Ilya had to head out with the Centaurs for a few away games in a row. Ilya mentioned taking Anya to a doggie hotel but Shane just shot him warning glare.

“I am more than capable of caring for Anya while you're gone. We are not dropping her off with a bunch of strangers.”

Ilya was a nervous wreck leaving her for the first time. But Shane promised to let her Facetime him at least once a day as well as send him pictures.

Ilya was going to be gone for a week and a half. Then Shane would drop Anya off with his parents for the two days that overlapped with his next road trip.

Shane was more nervous than he would ever admit to Ilya and had made charts for her feeding, walking, training and Facetime.

But he was also really excited to have her around all that time. Anya luckily slipped right into Shane’s schedule and was always excited to join him in whatever he was doing.

He figured out a couple different walking routes but Anya also loved joining in on his morning runs.

After one run he stopped at a coffee shop for a drink and Anya got a pup cup herself. They sat and finished their treats and Shane sent Ilya pictures of her covered in whipped cream.

A woman sitting across from them kept staring at Anya. She was making a face at her. She had a baby in a stroller beside her. When they started to get up Anya took a step towards her and she flinched away from Anya.

“Keep that mangy thing away from my daughter!” The woman then finally looked at Shane and he could see the moment of realization.

“Oh my god you're Shane Hollander aren't you! Would you mind taking a picture??” She seemed to just be ignoring the fact she had just been so blatantly rude.

Shane begrudgely agreed, he hated any sort of confrontation with fans. The woman grabbed her baby out of her stroller and posed for the picture. Shane snapped the selfie with her phone.

He handed her phone back and gave her daughter a little wave. And then before he could stop himself he looked right at the woman and said “She has such striking eyes, then remind me of my Anya's eyes.”

Shane just smiled broadly at her and then pointing to Anya sitting a wagging. She looked horrified between her daughter and his dog.

His own mother had always taught him to kill them with kindness. He only felt a little guilty at kinda sorta definitely insulting a baby, but it was more directed at the woman than at her kid.

She didn't say anything else and hurried away with a weird look on her face. Then they leisurely walked back to Shane's place. It was overall a great day until that evening Shane got a text from a number that was not saved in his phone...

Chapter 4: One of a Kind Mutant

Chapter Notes

I lost the timeline and I don't plan on finding it. I think we are somewhere in the middle of the Jeremy Bearimry. We've gone rogue 🤷🏼‍♀️ enjoy.

Unknown Number:

...Jane?

Shane:

Who is this? How did you get this number??

Unknown Number:

You texted me last. This is Harris.

Shane:

Oh. Hi?

Is everything alright with the road trip? I was just texting Ilya and all seemed well.

Harris:

Yes sorry to worry you! Are you watching Anya while the team is traveling by chance?

Shane:

Yes. She's doing great. I also want to apologize for my initial freakout. I really do love her ♥️

[Picture of Ayna sitting on the coffee shop patio licking up her pup cup]

She's been so great for Ilya and for me as well. We can't imagine our lives without her!

Harris:

I haven't said anything to Ilya about your "initial freakout" and I never will I hope you know. I would never betray WAG-code. 

I'm very good at keeping secrets! People think just because I work in social media I can't be trusted but I only post with people's consent.

Shane:

Huh? I guess I've never quite considered myself a WAG 🤣 It would be funnier to you if you knew me.

And that's great to hear.   

And if your a WAG does that mean Troy finally made a move?!

Harris:

Yes 🥰 how did you know??

Shane:

If Ilya knows I know 👀 and he sees all.

Harris:

Sooo what I really wanted to text you about were some pictures that came across my feed. I promise I won't say anything to anyone!

[Paparazzi pictures of Shane at the coffee shop. Almost out of frame was Anya at his feet]

There's only one dog in the world that looks like Anya. I don't think anyone else will put this together. I just wanted to give you a heads up though and let you know that your secret is safe with me. 

Shane:

Fuck

Seriously you can’t tell anyone

It would be dangerous for Ilya

Are you sure no one else is going to figure this out?

I didn’t even think about this as a possibility

God dammit I'm so fucking stupid 

 Fuck

This could ruin both our careers

He’s gonna hate me

...

The texts were flying in faster than Harris could respond or fully read them.

He knew Shane was panicking, he also knew someone needed to talk him down and Harris didn’t know him well enough to be that person.

He called Ilya. “Harris? What’s up?”

“Hey Ilya, I did something dumb and I need you to help and for you to not freak out.”

“Uh oh what happened with Troy?”

Harris took a deep breath “It’s not Troy, it’s something I texted to Jane or should I say Shane.”

Ilya’s voice shifted it was deeper and darker “What the fuck did you just say? What the hell did you do Harris?”

Harris’s blood went cold. He had never heard Ilya like this. He suddenly understood exactly why Ilya Rozanov had such a reputation. 

“Harris WHAT DID YOU DO? How do you even have his number? Speak NOW!”

“When you got Anya he texted me as Jane to ask a few questions. Then today I saw a picture of Shane walking Anya around Montreal. I put the pieces together. I was just trying to let him knew that I knew and I wasn’t going to say anything but he started panicking.”

“Shit, we will talk later Drover, I need to talk to Shanya.” The phone call ended abruptly.

Ilya was immediately calling Shane. Fuck he didn’t answer. He must really be freaking out. 

Ilya:

Sweetheart it will be okay call me

Malysh it will be okay I promise just talk to me

You’re scaring me please call

Shanya?

God dammit he was going to have to do the unthinkable. He scrolled through his contacts and clicked on “💩 for Brains” the phone rang.

“Hey asshole, wassup?”

“Pike Shane is freaking out and isn’t answering calls. I need you to check on him.”

“What did you do?”

“NOTHING! Pike please he’s scaring me, someone figured us out and told him, I think he’s having a panic attack, please go now, have him call me”

“Shit I’m going now. And let me know if you need help hiding the body of the asshole who threatened you guys”

Ilya chuckled “No, I don't think it was meant as a threat, I think it was poorly delivered attempt at support. But... good to know for future assholes.”

“I should be there in 15 min, I will call you as soon as I’ve got him.”

“You’re a good friend Pike, thank you.” 

When Hayden arrived he didn't bother knocking he just punched the code into Shane’s door and hurried in. He still took off his shoes and hung up his coat, he didn't want to freak Shane out any more than he already was. 

He walked into the house and found Shane sitting on the floor of the living room, Anya was with him. Hayden recognized him doing one of his breathing patterns to calm himself.

Anya was on his lap, her head on his shoulder, he had his arms around her and was slowly stroking her back. Shane hadn’t realized Hayden was there yet.

He pulled out his phone and sent a picture of the two cuddled up with eachother to Rozanov, “He’s okay your girl was already taking care of him.”

Hayden quietly announced himself and sat down next to Shane. "Hey buddy, just stopping in to check on you." He slung an arm around him and put his head on Shane’s other shoulder. Anya stayed where she was sensing that Shane needed her.

He sat there until Shane spoke first “How did you know to come over?”

“Rozanov called me, he was worried said you weren’t answering your phone.”

“Oh yeah, I freaked out a little and may have thrown my phone and lost it somewhere in the couch.”

“You good dude? Like for real, don’t just tell me you're fine to make me go away because you know I won't.”

“Yeah I’m okay I think, Anya here really calmed me down.”

“You wanna talk to me about what happened or just call your other man?” Shane chuckled and leaned against Hayden's shoulder.

“Don’t ever let him hear you call him that, but umm someone else found out about Ilya and I. It’s Harris who is the social media guy over at the Centaurs, he’s the one who originally rescued Anya.”

“Oh so are you worried that he’s going to post something?”

“No, no nothing like that he’s gay as well and has been a great friend to Ilya. It was more the way it happened. I got papped while I was out with Anya and he saw and connected the dots. I’m more worried someone else might make the connections.”

“Ah she is a very one of a kind mutant. There definitely wouldn't be any denying it's her. But, I mean would it really be the worst thing if you were out? I mean I know how careful you two have been. But maybe it would be better to be in control of it, you know?”

“I uh… I get what you're saying, but shit, it could ruin so much. I’m terrified that something could happen to Ilya, he still has his Russian passport and if he’s out he can never go back. It’s just such a huge final thing, it’s not something we could ever go back on. I don’t want him to feel stuck with me. He’s already given up so much for me I can’t ask him for more.”

As Shane began to tense up again Anya nuzzled his hand and encouraged him to keep petting her. Hayden watched a little bit in awe as Shane's tension released as her began stroking her fur again. Ilya was the only other person Hayden had seen so easily calm Shane when he was like this.

“Dude, Ilya Rozanov is right where he wants to be, if you asked him for his right arm he would cut it off with a smile and then offer you his left. And if you're worried about him having a Russian passport there’s an easy way to fix that.”

Shane just looked at Hayden then stood up with Anya still in his arms like a toddler and walked out of the room.

Hayden scrambled to follow him, “Buddy I’m sorry I shouldn’t have made you talk about such heavy things while you’re in a fragile place. Don’t listen to me I’m the biggest fucking idiot in the world.”

Hayden followed him into the kitchen and then into the pantry. Shane gave Anya a kiss on the top of her head and then set her gently down. He then reached into the back of the shelves where he pulled out a box of gluten free, sugar free, low carb snack in the saddest brown box Hayden had ever seen. Shane opened it and pulled out a ring box hidden inside.

“I don’t know if your the biggest idiot in the world. I’m the idiot whose been hiding this for the last 3 months, freaking out and talking myself out of it every other week. Do you think he’d really say yes?”

Shane broke off his longing stare at the ring box to look up at Hayden. Hayden’s phone started to buzz again it was Ilya. Hayden answered and just handed the phone to Shane. "Of course he will!"

Hayden laughed as Shane panickedly hid the ring box behind his back like Ilya could see him on the voice call. Hayden grabbed the sad brown box from him, the ring box and put it back in its hiding space as he walked back to the living room to give them some space to talk. 

He took Shane's spot on the floor and pulled Anya into his own lap. He started thinking maybe the kids did need a dog.

The next day Shane reached back out to Harris. Shane was feeling guilty about panicking when he was just trying to be a friend and warn him about a way they could possibly be outed. 

He had spent the morning reading and re-reading those texts over and over. He couldn't figure out what to text back.

Harris had been sick to his stomach about causing Shane so much stress, he thought about what this situation would have been like for Troy.

Despite Ilya texting him the night before to tell him Shane was fine, it wasn’t enough. Harris had still been a wreck all night. He was so terrified that he had ruined his friendship with Ilya and a future friendship with Shane. He was also scared to tell Troy, that would out Shane and he didn't know how Troy would react to Harris's part in this whole thing. 

Shane finally gave up trying to type out the right words and finally just called Harris.

“Harris?…Hey”

“Oh my god I’m so sorry, I swear I didn’t mean to panic you!”

“Harris, Harris, it’s okay. I'm sorry I panicked you.”

“No it’s not, that wasn’t remotely okay!” Harris was almost crying now. "I know exactly how much Troy would have freaked out before he was out."

“Shhhhh I promise we are good. I panic easily you should ask Ilya about the tuna melts sometime, it wasn't your fault, we’re good I promise.”

“I should have done it differently, I’ve been running it over and over in my head all night, and I should have done so many things differently. I’m so so sorry.”

“Hey, I mean it we are good. I didn’t call to yell at you anything like that. I called because you’re one of like 5 people in the world who know about Ilya and I now. And I want us to be friends, um next time I’m in Ottawa I was thinking you and Troy should come over for dinner.”

“Really?”

“Yes, I want Ilya to have people he can talk to, I’ve got Hayden, Rose, my parents, and Ilya needs his people too. I know he trusts Troy and you, so I know I can trust you too.”

“Oh…wow. Does that mean Roz isn't mad at me?”

“No he's protective and intense but not mad. Is that a yes? I’ll be visiting Ilya once this stupid roadie is over.”

“Yes! Yes of course!”

“I do have one request…don’t tell Troy I’m gonna be there. Ilya thinks it will be funny to surprise him, apparently they’ve been going through a bit of a prank war and this will be payback for putting shaving cream in his helmet. Ilya takes his haircare routine very seriously.”

Harris paused and then just started laughing. “Really? Shane Hollander getting involved in a prank war? The golden boy of hockey?”

“Who do you think gave Ilya the idea to swap the orange gatorade for mac & cheese powder?”

“Nooooooo way that was you!”

“Montreal has been plagued for years by a serial prankster, he’s never been caught and only seems to target people who cause us to lose games, Drapeau is still traumatized by the Icy Hot Jock of 2014. Buuuut he’s also never left the crease undefended like he did when we were outed from the playoffs.”

“Holy shit. I am a little bit in love with you.”

“I’ll warn Ilya, but please tell me you won’t say anything to Troy, his face will be sooooo good."

“He’s gonna be pissed.”

“It’s this or the return of the Icy Hot Jock.”

“Nooooo, fine, I can’t risk that dick.”

This time Shane really started laughing.

“Also I would really like us to be friends and from everything I have heard from Ilya I think we will really get along.”

“I would really like that Shane.”

“Cool, well I guess I’ll text to you later and, we can figure out exactly when dinner will work.”

And just like that Shane had a new friend. 

Chapter 5: The Gruffalo

Shane began planning for Ilya's return home. He was actually going to do it this time. He had thought it through many many times so he already had a game plan. 

The only trouble was timing, he was supposed to be going on his own road trip. But he needed to propose now before he lost his nerve, again. They were playing two games against Dalllas. But it was Texas they were known for football not hockey. He knew his team could and would win without him. So the day he was supposed to leave he called Thériault and faked being sick.

He was so fucking nervous about being caught. So he went for a sprint on the treadmill got himself sweaty and red faced in case coach asked for photographic evidence. Then he prepared some sound effects on his laptop nearby. 

Thériault answered "Hollander what's up?"

"I feel like shit, fever, chills, and I've been throwing up all morning."

"Rest up for our Toronto game when we get back, your benched."

"Really"

"Yeah we're going to fucking Texas they don't know shit about hockey. We need you at 100% in Toronto though. No arguments that's an order."

Then he hung up. Huh that felt way too easy, but he wasn't going to complain now. He just had to lay low and prepare to surpise Ilya. He would need to place a few next day deliveries to go to Ilya's Ottawa home, he definitely didn’t need another paparazzi incident.

His list kept growing electric candles, batteries, flowers (Lilies of course), maybe a mobile grooming appointment for Anya, groceries to make dinner and dessert from a local bakery Ilya raved about. 

Then he packed up his bag, packed up Anya's bag and grabbed the ring. The two drove to Ottawa that night. On the way Shane called his parents to let them know his plans. He also knew that his mom would completely freak out if he didn't play and hadn't warned her ahead of time. 

It was late when he arrived in Ottawa. Just enough time for a quick shower and dinner before bed. He felt just a little bit closer to home as he curled up in blankets that smelled like Ilya and with Anya beside him. Tomorrow he had a lot to do. 

His deliveries began arriving early that morning. First batteries and the electric candles. He wasn't sure how many he would need so he got packs of 25 in four different sizes. Then he second guessed himself and doubled it, how embarrassing would it be to not have enough. It took quite a while to put batteries into 200 candles. 

Then flowers arrived. He had ordered a number of bouquets to place around the room, white rose petals and some red petals to sprinkle in the bedroom for after he hopefully said yes. 

He was tracking Ilya's flight and it was ontime. He prepped everything for dinner so he could quickly have it all come together. The final piece was the dessert. He had called the bakery on his drive over.

They specialized in custom decorated cakes. Shane had ordered one that looked like Anya. He had emailed them pictures of her. They also called to confirm that he had sent the right pictures. They did an amazing job even though he thought it looked a little like The Gruffalo from baby Amber's favorite book. 

He took Anya on a quick afternoon walk and she had her mobile grooming appointment. Then Shane started turning on the candles. There were a lot. He knew 200 candles was a lot but damn it was bright in here now, definitely not too few. He laid a trail of white rose petals from the door to the living room. Next he got the bedroom ready made the bed, tossed red petals on it, moved some candles in here as well and then made sure there was lube and a few of their favorite toys nearby.

He checked his phone again. Ilya should be here any minute. He fussed with his suit and with the bow he had put on Anya. 

He heard the car pull up and got into position. He was on his knee holding the ring box. He heard the door creak open and Ilya step in. "ANYA my sweet girl what are you doing here? Where is your daddy? SHANE?"

Ilya was carrying Anya in his arms like a giant baby cooing over her bow and how beautiful she was. He finally looked up a froze. They both looked at eachother grinning like idiots.

"Yes"

"I haven't asked yet!"

"I don't care, yes, yes, yes, YES!"

"Really?"

"YES!!!"

"Holy shit!"

"YES!"

Ilya put down Anya strode across the room and scoop up Shane like he was nothing. He didn't break stride or slow down as he carried Shane up the stairs. The rest of the night was spent kissing, touching and relentlessly fucking. It was a perfect night. Shane's only regret was not doing it sooner. 

A few days later it was time for their dinner with Harris and Troy... together, all four of them, a double date, an ambush and Ilya's finale to the prank war.

Shane was a nervous wreck even more so when he proposed, he knew that Ilya would say yes. He doesn't know if the other couple will actually like him. 

Even though the dinner was Shane's own idea. He was still nervous, they didn't really ever do double dates like this. Usually hanging out with the Pikes meant allll the Pikes.

Shane kept going over the prank plan with Ilya and second guessing it. Where should he stand? How long should he wait until he surprised Troy? What should he say?

The final plan was for Ilya to let them in. After they had sat down in the living room Ilya would say he wanted them to meet someone and call for "Jane" to come out of the kitchen. And then Shane would come out with drinks. He had talked Ilya out of him sitting on his lap but he did say he would give him a quick kiss…no tongue despite Ilya's protests.

Harris was texting their group chat with updates. They discussed the idea that of Troy knowing that he was going to meet 'Jane' but Ilya was very firm on Shane being a complete and total surprise.

Harris sent a “5 minutes out” text. Then a “in the driveway” message. Shane scurried off to hide himself away. Anya sensing his nervousness stayed nearby Shane.

Shane heard the knock at the door, Ilya greeting the two and then the sound of feet rapidly padding towards him, they had not discussed this part of the plan, The Chirion factor.

Anya turned and started barking excitedly as she heard her friend approaching. Shane yelped loudly as a giant black dog started bounding towards him at full speed. The two were clearly seriously startled by each other.

Anya though torn, bravely jumped in between the two and started growling. Chirion may be one of her best doggie friends but Shane was her dad! The barking, growling and hollering happened all so quickly.

Troy came running into the kitchen following Chirion yelling chasing him “Chirion! Get back here!” Troy froze when he came around the corner and saw Shane Fucking Hollander clutching Anya in his arms, climbing onto the kitchen counter trying to get away from Chirion.

Troy’s brain was struggling to grasp exactly what was happening in front of him “Wha-huh? Why? Hollander?” Harris and Ilya followed almost immediately after. They stopped in their tracks when they saw Troy’s face, Shane on the counter and Anya being carried like a baby.

Ilya immediately started cackling, Troy turned around and was even more confused, he looked to Harris. Harris skipped laughing and went straight to gasping for air and clutching his stomach.

Ilya turned to Harris as well “I told you this would be funnier.” They two then crumbling to the floor in a fit of uncontrollable laughter.

Troy looked back to Shane, Troy grabbed Chirion’s harness and started pulling him back from the counter. “YOU ASSHOLE! FUCKING HELP ME!” Shane was yelling at Ilya.

“Is fine malysh, Chirion is just excited puppy.” Ilya got up walked around Troy, patted Chiroin on the head, grabbed Anya from Shane and put her back down on the ground.

She happily walked over to see Chirion and Troy. Ilya then wrapped his arms around Shane’s legs and lifted him easily. Shane was hoisted onto his shoulder like a sack of potatoes. “Put me down jackass!” Instead of doing that or anything resembling help Ilya turned his head toward the perfect ass which was right there and sunk his teeth in.

Shane let out a breathier than intended “Ahh!” then smacked Ilya on the back of the head. “What the hell is happening? Why are you here? I am so fucking confused right now.” Ilya opened his mouth to speak but he couldn’t stop giggling long enough to say any real words.

Harris still on the floor had never stopped laughing. Shane still hanging from Ilya’s shoulder just awkwardly waved up at Troy, “Troy it’s nice to meet you, I’m Ilya’s fiancé, well maybe ex-fiancé after this.” Ilya slapped his ass firmly at this and then set him down gently. Ilya kissed the top of Shane’s head and turned towards Troy.

“You should have seen your face, I am the prank war CHAMPION!” Ilya shouted into his face raising his arms triumphantly overhead. 

“You’re… aren’t you dating Jane?”

“Shane, Jane. Ilya, Lily. I was young and horny, not my best work.” Ilya said with a shrug.

Harris finally chimed in “Can we rewind there for a minute? DID YOU SAY FIANCÉ?!?!” Now Shane was cackling having had momentarily forgotten this part of the plan in the chaos. “This was a good idea baby.” He said kissing Ilya gently. 

While the beginning of the night was fucking crazy the rest went smoothly. Troy admitted although one of the weirdest situations he had ever been in, it was objectively fucking hilarious.

They had dinner while they told the other couple how Shane had proposed. Ilya excitedly told them how when he had gotten back from the road trip he wasn't expecting to see Shane. He was supposed to be traveling with his team to their away game so he was completely blindsided.

How Shane had filled the living room with candles and was waiting inside for him already on one knee. Shane told them how Ilya was so excited to see his baby girl he almost missed the setup behind her and how he didn't even get to ask the question. 

By the end of the night the two couples were contentedly sitting around the fireplace chatting. Shane had never been one to make friends easily. By the end of the night they were all joking and chatting easily with each other. Shane exchanged numbers with Troy and they all said goodnight.

Afterwards Shane started to regularly text with Harris sending him pictures of Anya being cute, asking him dog questions because he had never had a pet before.

But also it was great to have a gay friend. Someone who he could talk to about Ilya. It was really amazing to have someone not only to vent to but also to gush to.

Hayden haf tried but he really just didn't want to hear about their sex lives or how hot Ilya was or how sexy his accent was. 

Harris on the other hand loved to talk about hot hockey men. That's how the topic of the WAG chat came up. Apparently there had been an intense round of smash or pass. Harris had been texting the group chat and then texting Shane separately. Shane was having a lot of fun.

Harris:

Cliff Marlow

Shane:

Smash he could definitely throw me around

Harris:

Shane! I didn't know you had it in you! And I'd pass he's way to straight bro

Hayden Pike

Shane:

PASS thats my literal brother

Harris:

I'd hit it he's adorable

Shane:

Groooossssss! 

Harris:

Scott Hunter

Shane:

Smash but if you ever say this to Ilya I will disappear you so well they'll never even find a trace

Harris:

🤐 Samesies hello daddy

Shane Hollander

Shane:

I mean I guess I've already smashed myself 🤷‍♂️

Harris:

🤣🤣🤣🤣 and Pass!!! Ilya would literally murder me, he’s fucking terrifying when he wants to be!

Matti Jalo

Shane:

Pass he seems like a bottom and I don't top 🍑

Harris:

More for me 😜

Dallas Kent

Shane:

I'd rather fuck a knife

Harris:

Never in a million years

JJ Boiziau

Shane:

Also my brother gross

...smash it's huge 🍆

Harris:

Good to know...

He then started to wonder what he was missing out by not being a part of the WAG chat. He would get snippets here and there from Harris but there was only so much he could share without breaking 'WAG code'.

So Shane decided to talk to Ilya about it. He wanted to make sure his fiance was on board but, he also wanted to know how much to share.

They were sitting eating dinner when Shane decided maybe it would be a good time to bring it up.

“Um, I wanted to talk to you about something.” Shane finally said after sitting in silence for a while.

“Ugh finally, your thoughts have been so loud I could hear gears grinding in your brains.”

Shane chuckled nervously, "It's a bit embarrassing."

“Oh yay! What filthy thing has your beautiful brain come up with now.”

“It's not dirty. I've really been enjoying talking to Harris...”

Ilya flopped back dramatically in his chair “You're leaving me for him. That's tragic but Troy and I will seek comfort in each other's bodies.”

“Fuck off and no your dumbass is stuck with me.”

“Good” Ilya said smugly.

“Anyways, it made me realize how much I would maybe…liketojointheottawawagschat.” Shane spitting the words out all in one mouthful.

Ilya sat there for a moment trying to process exactly what he said “You want to what?”

“Maybe think about joining the Ottawa WAGs chat…Harris is apart of it and it sounds nice to have a bit of a support system.”

“Oh…that's unexpected.”

“I know you probably don't want to be out so I could be Jane there and we can decide together how much you're comfortable with me sharing. But it's mostly just the idea of having people who understand what it's like dating a hockey player and also if anything ever happened on the ice they would know to tell me.”

“That sounds…nice. Maybe is good idea. I know you're not ready to be Shane, but maybe you can let them know that Jane is not a real name, maybe it would not be end of world to tell them Jane is not a woman.”

“Really?”

“I trust my team they are good, they would be safe and I don't want you to feel like you're always lying. And if something happened and when we do come out then it wouldn't be quite as big of a surprise.”

“I thought you'd definitely make fun of me.”

“Why would I do that. I would love you to be my WAG. Tell all your friends how much you miss me when I'm away, tell them all how good I am to you, wear my jersey while you cheer me on, you'd be my pretty little trophy wife.”

Shane was more turned on than he expected. He got out of his chair and climbed into Ilya's lap and kissed him deeply.

“Such a good boy”

“Only for you baby” he said kissing him hard. Dinner was quickly abandoned and Shane was spread out onto the table top. God he loved it when Ilya whispered filthy scenarios into his ear. That Russian accent really did things to him it just wasn't fair. Laying there recovering in the aftermath Shane made a mental notes to talk to Harris about getting him a WAG jacket he could wear for Ilya.

Chapter 6: That Dog is Fugly

Chapter Notes

OTTWAGS Group Chat List

Harris Drover

Cassie Boodram

Caitlin Dykstra

Lisa Hayes

Selena Chouinard

Alexis Boyle

The next day Shane sent Harris the message asking to join the WAG chat. Harris was soooo excited! He had kinda been hinting that Shane should join. But he didn't really expect him to ask! He honestly thought he was going to have to beg him.

OTTAWAGS GROUP CHAT

Harris:

I have a huuuuuuge announcement!!!

Lisa:

DID HE PROPOSE???

Cassie:

Omg Congratulations!

Caitlyn:

Yayyyyy!

Harris:

No he didn't propose. It's been less than a year shut up!

BESIDES THIS IS BETTER! 

Cassie: Nothing could be better

You're gonna be soooo annoying when he finally does it

Harris:

So you don't wanna hear my news?

Lisa:

Fine what is it?

Selena:

What is chat exploding?

DID SOMEONE PROPOSE?

TROY? BOYLE?

Harris:

SHUT THE FUCK UP AND LET ME TALK!

Caitlin:

Who pissed in your applejacks 

Harris:

I'm ignoring all of you

~~~New Member has been Added~~~

Harris:

We have a new member of the WAG Chat! You each get one guess on who's WAG we are adding.

Cassie:

Oh shit you were this is better! Tanner!

Caitlin:

Luca! 

Alexis:

I'm with Cassie Tanner is too cute to be single!

Selena:

LaPonite? I saw him flirting a girl at the last outing at Monk's!

Lisa:

Tanner!

Jane:

All of you are wrong 😉

Selena:

I like her already!

Jane:

Wrong again 🤷🏻‍♂️

Alexis:

Huh?

Cassie:

No waay who has a boyfriend???

Jane:

Strike three 😘 

Cassie:

Sorry! Non-bianary partner?

Jane:

 I'm a gay man, but my FIANCE is bi and you are now a select few who know this information.

Neither of us can publicly come out right now so I unfortunately I need to keep my codename.

But I know you're all familiar with me. You just thought I was his long distance Canadian girlfriend.

So for now you can call me Jane, Ilya's fiancé. 

Lisa:

Ilya Fucking Rozanov you cannot pretend to be your own WAG!

We've talked about this!

Jane:

😆😆😆 I wouldn't be surprised if he's tried that.

But no I'm very real I promise.

Harris:

I can personally vouch for him

Jane:

 Harris and came over for dinner a while ago. I wish I could tell you who I actually am. But it could be dangerous for Ilya, he won't ever be able to go back to Russia once he's out.

And as for me it's complicated and messy and I could lose my job. It's simply safer with fewer people know the whole truth. We are planning on coming out soon just have to get a few things in order beforehand.

[Attached picture Yuna took. Ilya sleeping on his back on the couch with a smile on his face. Shane face down, head shoved into his chest also asleep. They are all tangled up in each other's arms and legs. Laying on top of all of this looking the most awkward and somehow the most comfortable is Anya]

My mom took when we went over to their place to annouce our engagement. He's a very comfy pillow.

Lisa:

Holy fuck

Cassie:

😭😭😭 Omg he looks so happy. You guys are adorable

Selena:

HOLY SHIT JANE IS REAL!!! 

Or maybe not 😆 but you know what I mean!

Caitlin:

Omg I'm dead this is amazing

Harris:

I TOLD YOU THIS WAS BETTER!!!

Cassie:

As the Head WAG here are the traditional introductory questions! I hope Harris has given you a sufficient warning. 

Do you understand that anything and everything said in this chat stays in this chat?

Do you promise to support and uphold the sisterhood of the WAGS and HABS?

Jane:

🤣 Oh yes I've been warned by Harris!

Of course! That's what I'm here for! I need people to vent about my Russian menace to

Yes. 🫡This is seems very official, you guys realize there are only 6 of you…

Cassie:

How did you meet?

How long have you been ‘official’?

Tell us a fun fact about yourself!

Selena:

How big is it? 😜

Jane: 

I can't really tell you how we met. But we first met when we were 17. 

Our relationship has been more complicated than you can imagine. But after a long situationship, really long, waaay too long. We finally admitted we loved eachother and started this for real three years ago.

I hate questions like this. I don't know what counts as a fun fact? How about I've been skating since I was 4.

And ask you partners they’ve seen him in the locker rooms or ask him directly he’s not shy 😜

We’re gonna have fun here, any other questions?

Selena:

Yes we are! Why Jane? 

Jane:

It’s an inside joke, Plain Jane, he calls me boring, I call him an asshole it’s our love language ❤️ My real name also rhymes with Jane. 

Lisa:

Okay if we don’t get to know your true identity can we get a description of what you look like?

Jane:

I’m Asian-Canadian, dark hair, athletic build, Ilya’s obsessed with my freckles, IDK i’m bad at this

Harris:

You forgot to mention HOT. Goddamn you and Ilya together are 🔥🥵

Jane:

You think so? Okay this is embarrassing but I was bullied a lot as a kid for being different looking with glasses, freckles, Asian, short.

I’ve never really felt attractive until Ilya.

Cassie:

I may not know you but we know Ilya… you’ve gotta be hella hot.

Caitlyn:

Agreed we’ve all seen what kinds of women Ilya liked in the tabloids back in Boston (sorry!) If you've locked him down you've gotta blow them out of the water. 

Jane:

Here’s the thing

Oh my god this is stupid

Selena:

We listen and we don’t judge here

Jane:

It’s the fucking dog…

Ilya looks at her like she’s the most beautiful creature. What if he’s blind to my weird looks too...

I’ve done modeling and stuff but maybe it’s just because I’m Asian or ‘unique’ looking.

I don't know I was feeling more confident and then Anya happened like I said this is really dumb.

Harris:

Babe

Babe, listen to me, you're definitely not an Anya.

You’re objectively super hot, like Ilya is lucky to have you hot. You can take your pick of men, even the straight ones…

Private Chat

Harris:

Now that you’re an official WAG I feel like I can share a screenshot from our last Smash or Pass Game. 

Harris:

Shane Hollander

SMASH 

Lisa:

SMASH, have you seen his yoga video what I wouldn't give to be that yoga mat

Selena:

SMASH!!! He’s the reason I tag along to every Metros game that ass is worth the drive

Alexis:

SMASH His face is so pretty I wanna sit on it and ruin him

Caitlyn:

SMASH It’s always the quiet ones I bet he is a freak and I am INTO IT!

Cassie:

SMASH come to momma please, I may have had some very interesting pregnancy hormone driven dreams about me and that man

PRIVATE CHAT

Jane:

Jesus 🫣 they really don’t hold back do they

 I know it’s dumb but thank you 😘

Harris:

Honestly it’s kinda nice to know that even gorgeous hockey gods feel insecure sometimes

Jane:

Please never call me that again 😆

But thank you. And you may not be my type but you're fucking adorable don't talk down about yourself!

OTTAWAGS GROUP CHAT

Jane:

Thank you all for objectifying me and making me feel pretty 🥰

Lisa:

Anytime 😊

Alexis:

WAGS support WAGS!

Selena:

Ok can we circle back to the dog. Are you sure she's a dog? 

Jane:

Sooooo I love Anya dearly she is our child. But when Ilya first got her I may have offered Harris all sorts of favors, money, blackmail, bribes to make her disappear…

Harris:

Hey I don't remember blackmail…

Jane:

Love you Harris 😅

 I panicked, you really can't blame me

 I'm just a poor little zychik be nice 

Cassie:

Awwww did you learned Russian for him??? ♥️ What does that mean?

Jane:

If by "learned Russian for him" you mean Ilya calling me random Russian words until I learned what they meant than sure 

 and it means bunny 🐰

Harris:

My frappe just came out my nose.

I can't imagine anyone calling you a little bunny 😆

Just trust me ladies it's fucking hilarious

Jane:

His other favorites are kotik/ kitten, pomidor/ tomato, once he called me a lawnmower ? and the newest one is zhena/ wife.

He thinks me joining the WAGS is endlessly entertaining. But he's overall been really supportive of me joining.

I think it's mostly because he wants to fuck me in his a WAG jacket.

Caitlyn:

Okay what is it about men and us wearing their uniforms or something with their name on it???

Harris:

Idk it's hot! Like that man is mine I can see it written on him. I got a custom DROVER jersey and he wore it for my birthday. 

Jane:

I certainly enjoyed it when I wore his name and rode him. He seemed to enjoy it as well. 

We men are simple creatures 🤷🏻‍♂️ even the gay and bisexual ones. 

Shane continued to join in with the group chat feeling closer and closer to all the WAGS. He felt more support from them than he ever had from his team.

Yes there was some occasional cattyness and bickering but overall the group was relatively peaceful.

He really felt apart of this group and they seemed to really accept him in a way he had always craved. They had their own inside jokes and one of them was making their own memes to send eachother.

After the last Centaurs game Shane had created a masterpiece! At one point Ilya had chirped something at one of the defenseman on Buffalo's team.

What he had said didn't matter, it was the face the guy made. It became an instant worldwide meme. Shane was able to capture a picture of Anya making the same wide eyed dumbfounded face as she was catching a treat.

Shane continued to make more Anya memes and send them in the WAG chat. Yes it made a little fun of Anya but it was honestly more about context then making fun of her. The WAGS seemed to understand not to mess with his baby girl. 

It was all fun and games until the Anya memes made their way to the Centaurs main chat.

One of rookies made the mistake of commenting on how ugly "that dog" was not realizing that dog was the child of Ilya Rozanov. The ribbing continued and continued and Ilya was pissed.

He had called Shane that night distraught that anyone could hate his beloved little angel. Shane only understood about half of what Ilya was saying because he kept slipping into rapid angry Russian. He was pretty sure he heard the words revenge, pain, bastards and maybe torture?

The following day at practice Ilya started his revenge. Apparently bag skates until everyone who said something mean had puked was Ilya's solution. The team was miserable and in shamles at their next game.

Back in the OTTAWAGS chat there were a fair number of complaints being voiced. 

OTTAWAGS GROUP CHAT

Alexis:

He can't just take it out on the whole team when someone calls his ugly dog ugly. 

Selena:

Even Jane recognizes she's freaking terrifying looking!

Jane:

HEY! Be nice! She's the best dog ever!

They were being assholes!

They took it waaaay to far!

Harris:

Jane you can't deny she's weird looking.

Lisa:

I hate to agree Janey but that dog is fugly

Jane:

Tell your grown men to grow up.

You wouldn't insult someone's child. Seriously picking on a dog?

 He's genuinely upset and your dumbass team him better make it up to him

Or fucking bagskates will be the least of your worries.

They'll pray for bagskates

Lisa:

Did Jane just threaten us?

Jane:

No I made a god damned promise.

Harris:

Oh fuck this is gonna get ugly

Cassie:

Uglier than Anya? 😆

[Original dumbfounded Anya meme]

Jane:

Fuck off all of you!

WAGS support WAGS my ass!

Shane slammed down his phone and decided he needed to get out of the house. He muted the chat and then went into downtown Montreal. He decided to get his mind off everything he would go shopping for Ruby and Jade's upcoming birthday present.

Shane always struggled with gift giving. The girls loved many things and he knew they would ultimately be happy with whatever he bought them but he wanted something special. He already bought them lots of little gifts and toys whenever he visited.

Lately they had been absolutely begging for a puppy but Jackie and Hayden had decided against it until Amber was a little older. Shane was thinking about getting them something like a stuffed dog and maybe some books on dogs.

He wandered through a toy store but he didn't like any of the plush toys they all looked too goofy and fake. He decided he could probably fine a better version online. So he grabbed dinner from his favorite sushi place and then he headed back home.

It really didn't take much searching to find exactly what he wanted. When he saw the website he knew this was perfect “Cuddle Clones”.

They made custom realistic stuffed animals based on people's pets. He immediately contacted them and ordered six different Anya plushies.

He spoke to someone directly and asked for two of them to be the classic larger sized stuffies in different poses, two of their floppy cuddlier ones and two of their weighted plushes. All four kids and Ilya, as well as Shane, would be getting their own Anya.

And then an idea struck. Shane felt as though he was possessed as he began to ordered everything they offered and all with Anya's face on it: blankets, mugs, socks, hoodies, underwear, coasters, wrapped candy, calendars, stickers, posters, pens, slippers, pajama pants, tote bags, notepads, a couple cardboard cut outs and even a shirt for Anya to wear with Ilya's face on it. He had to order from a variety of different websites to get everything he imagined.

He also made sure to use a variety of pictures as each item needed to be unique and not just the same picture over and over. It was an obscene bill by the end and he felt a bit crazy, maybe he was a little crazy but no one talked shit about his dog or broke his fiance's heart.

It was a lot of stuff but he had a plan for everything. Now it was time to sit and wait for it all to arrive. It was time for the Centaurs to have a visit from Montreal's infamous phantom prankster. 

Chapter 7: Combination of a Buffalo with a Pig

After a week the plush toys arrived Shane had paid extra to get them expedited. Shane was sooooo excited! They were perfect! 

He desperately wanted to text Ilya but he didn't want to spoil the surprise. Instead he headed to his favorite little pet store. He bought collars for all the stuffies, got tags made for the kids toys with Jackie's cellphone number on them in case they got lost. He bought some little dog toys, leashes and a couple of little dog beds. These little pups were all set. 

It was the same woman at the counter again and they chatted about Anya. She loved the pictures of Anya's army of clones and when she heard his plans she found a couple of cardboard cat carriers for him to wrap them up in.

Ruby and Jade were going to be soooooo excited! For the other two plushes he just tucked them into a gift bag. He didn't want to leave Arthur or Amber out. However the girls already shared their birthday with each other. So he would need to be careful to not to pull focus from their party or presents. 

Later that day he was facetiming with Ilya. He was asking about what they should get for the girl's birthday. It took all of his self control not to show Ilya his surprises. 

“I totally nailed it! I got them the perfect present!”

“Are you sure sweetheart? You said the same thing last year and they did love the encyclopedias, well they enjoyed coloring on all the pages, lots and lots of paper. But it may not have been the best gift.” 

“I know, I know I usually suck at gifts but seriously I got it this year. I even bought the same thing for you. And you're gonna love it too!” 

“I promise I will love whatever you get me or do a very good job lying to you about it. But mostly because I want to continue to get blow jobs. The girls are brutally honest, they may not be as nice as last year.” 

“Baby, you might cry when I give you your present.”

“Okay okay I trust you.” 

“You're an asshole and a terrible liar. Now put my favorite girl on the phone and leave us alone for a few minutes. I wanna show her the presents.” 

Ilya rolled his eyes and clipped the phone into his tripod, “I will back after a quick shower” he then kissed the camera before walking out of the room.

Shane grabbed his phone and turned it towards the line of Anya plushies. She whined at the camera and started barking. Obviously she knew this was a great idea. He sat and chatted with her telling her all about his other evil plans as well, she also agreed that this was a good idea. 

He turned the camera back around to himself when he heard Ilya coming back into the room. He was just wearing a towel. His hair was damp and he had droplets of water clinging to his chest. 

“Zhena? You girls all done gabbing?” 

“Yes and Anya agrees that my gifts are perfect!”

“Okay now Miss Anya is going to go have her favorite special chew treat in the other room and then I'm going to make you come so hard you have to quit hockey.”

“I'm pretty sure that would be considered cheating Rozanov.” 

“Not if I also come just as hard. We will retire together and live happily ever after and adopt all dogs like 101 Dalmatians, except all Anya's.” 

Shane laughed at his ridiculous future husband, quickly stripped down and then went to setup his tripod near the bed. He also grabbed the new toy he had bought them the other day.

The following week Ilya & Anya drove from Ottawa to celebrate Ruby and Jade's birthday.

The Pikes had had their big party with all their friends the day before so the house was still full of balloons, leftover cake and toys were everywhere. Shane wished Ilya could join the main party but, hopefully soon they would be able to attend together.

So a private day after party would have to do until they were married.

As soon as they walked through the doors the chaos began. The kids were clearly still riding the high of yesterday's party. Ilya and Anya took off into the backyard with them just as enthusiastically.

The plan was to have lunch, cake, presents and then Shane would help Jackie and Hayden clean up the house while Ilya kept the kids out of the way. 

Lunch was simple leftover pizza for the kids and takeout from a local Thai place for the grownups. Ruby and Jade spent their lunch practically bouncing off the walls running back and forth from the table to their room bringing out each and every present they had received yesterday.

Usually their parents would have insisted on them sitting at the table but at least they were getting their steps in and burning off some excess energy. After eating a few slow bites at a time they finally all finished their lunches. 

Once lunch was cleaned up it was time for cake. Jackie had cut a few extra slices and tucked them into the fridge at the birthday party the day before.

The rest of the cake was for the kids. Both Ruby and Jade had their own custom cakes made. And in the Pike family tradition they headed outside to have a cake fight with the leftovers. 

The tradition was born after the girls threw a huge fit when they weren't allowed to eat cake everyday after their 3rd birthday. And then they had an even bigger fit the next year when Jackie had tried to sneak the leftovers into the trash. 

The cake fight was Hayden’s idea, one of his best. The cake was destroyed, the kids had fun and they didn't have to deal with kids on a sugar high for any longer than necessary.

They all sang happy birthday to the girls and cake immediately began to fly as soon as the song ended. One twin tackled the other and a handful was smothering cake into the other's face.

Then they turned on the adults and Ilya was hit square in the face with buttercream and vanilla cake. He started chasing the girls goofily. He caught them and loudly whispered for to them to attack Hayden. They took off each with a handful of cake. Ilya turned on Shane giving him a big kiss on his cheek covering him with cake. 

After a few more minutes of chaos they sent the kids inside to cleanup. Shane and Ilya had packed and extra set of clothes as well. Shane rinsed quickly and then changed his clothes.

Ilya went to check on Anya who was safe in the house during the cake fight. When Shane found him Anya was licking frosting off his face.

Ilya grabbed the towel Shane was holding, wiped his face down rinsed, it under the sink and pulled on a clean shirt.

“It's so gross that you let Anya lick your face, she licks her own asshole, don't let her lick your face!”

“Did you forget where my tongue was licking you this morning?”

Ilya had thought they were alone but the look on Hayden's face when they stepped out of thr bathroom suggested he hadn't been quiet enough.

Shane chose to ignore Hayden. He popped his head down the hallway and yelled “Present time!” A series of shrieks followed by a stampede of small children. 

Ruby and Jade ran and jumped into the traditional birthday chair in the living room and Ilya handed them each a black and gold wrapped present. 

“Seriously?! Again why?” Hayden protested. Jackie just laughed she also thought this tradition was hilarious. 

Ilya had the biggest stupidest grin on his face. Shane had handled the real presents. These were just regularly scheduled psychological torturen for Hayden.

The girls opened up their gifts and pulled out a brand new Rozanov 81 jersey in the next size up from last year's. This year he had found something special! Ilya had found new with tags vintage Boston jerseys, he also included Centaurs Jerseys and charm bracelets with the a Centaurs Charm, a very glittery “81”, a Bears Charm, a Lily and each had the girls stone on it. 

The girls screeched again over their new jewelry. It would match the "81" earrings he had bought them the year before, as well as the Centuars necklaces from their first year together.

“Okay girls! Who's your favorite hockey player?” Ilya called out! “UNCLE SHANE!!” They yelled back and then collapsed into a heap of giggles. “What?? No, No, No, that was not what we practiced!” Shane just tossed each of them a candy bar and laughed. "You betray me all of you." Ilya said flopping backwards across Shane's lap on the couch.

“Okay who's ready for the best presents ever!!” 

The girls started chanting “WE WANT PRESENTS!” As Shane pulled out the cardboard cat carriers he had hidden in the entry way closet. 

“I swear to god Hollander if there is something living in any of those boxes you won't be living any longer.” Jackie said as soon as she spied the carriers. 

“Come on Jackie, you think Ilya would let me give away puppies?”

The girls carefully opened the boxes and looked back up to Shane in awe. For the first time today they were speechless. They reached in and each pulled out their Anya. 

"ITS SO FLUFFY, I'M GONNA DIE!" They said in unison hugging their new toys 

They looked at their collars, matching leashes and then pulled out the accessories tucked into the bottom of the boxes.

“UNCLE SHANE!!! YOU GOT US PUPPIES!!” 

The girls turned to each other “WE LOVE THEM! AHHHHHH!" They started running around dragging, their dogs following behind dragging on their leashes.

Anya jumped in and started chasing as well. Arthur was always rather quiet but Shane knew that look. The look of a kid who was having fun but was also a little jealous. Shane reached into his bag and pulled out another smaller stuffie on a leash. Arthur's face lit up when Shane set the dog on his lap.

He leapt up and began to carefully introduce his puppy to Anya. Then Shane handed the last plush to Amber who responded with a crazed “oof ooof!!” and began gnawing on the dog's ear. 

Shane looked to Ilya and gave his a kiss on the cheek while settling onto his lap. Ilya wrapped his arms around Shane and whispered in his ear

“You did a very good job sweetheart”

“I told you I would. Do you remember what else I told you?”

Ilya looked puzzled at Shane for a moment then his face lit up!

“YOU GOT ONE FOR ME TOO!”

Shane laughed “Yes baby I got you an Anya” he felt Ilya's arms tighten around him and press a kiss to the back of his head.

Ilya got up after a few minutes of the kids running in circles.

“OKAY malyshi, time to take our shchenki for a walk.”

Ilya grabbed Anya's leash and her favorite ball. The kids all scooped up their dogs and charged out the door. “We will go to the park and let these puppies run off some energy.” All three kids started barking and ran out the door.

Hayden headed outside with a hose to rinse the cake and frosting off of everything. Shane started in the kitchen, Jackie laid Amber down for a nap and started to take down all the party decor. Hayden finished up outside quickly and came back inside. They all chatted while cleaning. 

“Now where on earth did you find a stuffed animal that looks like Anya?” 

“I didn’t, I had them, uh custom made.”

“They really did a good job on her weird body shape.”

“I know I was impressed, the place told me they couldn’t use their typical dog model, they used a combination of a buffalo with a pig and they got they legs from a model of a seal?”

“That’s hilarious dude!”

Jackie commented from the other room “Shane! Those must have cost a fortune. We've told you not to go too crazy!"

“No, I actually got a special deal.”

“Dude did you seriously pull the Shane Hollander Hockey Star card to get a discount??”

“Ummm not exactly. I used a fake name to order the stuff so it wouldn’t get tied back to me. I didn't want to get outed by a stuffed dog after getting outed by the real thing already.”

“How’d you get a deal then?”

“Soooooo I may have gone a little crazy and made a massive order from there and a few other order from similar stores.”

“Why????”

“Okay so a few weeks ago Ilya’s team was making fun of Anya. And then the WAG chat joined in and made it all worse. They really got under his skin and that pissed me off. So I’ve been plotting.”

“Shane Hollander what are you planning?”

Jackie popped into the kitchen “Did you say the WAG chat? Are you a WAG Shane?”

Hayden’s eyed got wide “No, you can’t be!”

Shane blushed and looked pointedly back down at the dishes he was washing."

“YOU ARE! OH MY GOD!” Jackie laughed out.

“Yes. I joined as Jane a while ago. They know that Ilya is Bisexual and that I’m a man. But not exactly who I am. Except Harris and Troy. It’s been really nice having a group to talk to about our relationship.”

“Hey! You know you can always talk to me about anything!”

“No I can’t, Hayd.”

“Sure you can! What can you talk about with them that you can’t share with me?”

“For one thing sex.” Shane looked at him challengingly.

“We can talk about sex! Why not?”

“You wanna talk about Ilya and I’s sex life?”

“Why not?!”

“Okay let’s do this then. Have you ever tried anal?”

“I mean…” Hayden looked at his wife for help. She just looked amused.

“Go on babe you can share.”

“Yeah a few times, but only on like special occasions, Jackie isn’t the biggest fan.”

“Oh I meant you Hayd, has she ever pegged you?”

“Uh gah, oh uh, no, no definitely not.”

“Well you should try it’s incredible. I can recommend a couple toys to get you started. Ilya is not usually into it either but there’s this one that…”

“Okay! Okay! Okay! I get it! I really don’t wanna know what Rozanov likes in his ass.”

“I like it to, not as much as…”

“Pleasssseeeee stop! It’s too much, you're my brother I really don’t wanna know.”

“Hey what if I wanna know!” Jackie piped in.

“I’ll send you the link.” Shane said winking at Hayden “You’ll thank me later.”

Just then the kids finally dragged Ilya back through the door. He looked exhausted.

“How was the park?”

“Well it was all fun and games until they wanted to play Paw Patrol. They decided I was the bad guy and all ran away from me in all different directions.”

Jackie turned to the kids “Girls we have talked about this! You have to stay with your grownups when you are out!”

Ilya continued his tale of woe “Then Ruby decided that the dogs should be able to fly like Skye, so she threw hers up into the air and the leash got caught in a tree branch, then Jade threw hers up to help and that one got stuck too. So I had to climb up into the tree to get them.” 

“Aww baby that sounds like a lot, I’m sorry you didn’t have any fun.”

“Huh? We had sooo much fun! Yes they were crazy little goblins but it was all good. I’m just tired now. The dogs kept flying so I had to climb two other trees and then onto the top of the picnic shelter. Dogs are terrible at flying.”

Shane chuckled and kissed the top of Ilya’s head. They all climbed onto the couch and watched a movie before they headed out. Ilya noticed that Hayden kept looking at him, then turning red and turning away anytime they made eye contact.

They all said their goodbyes and Hayden gave him the weirdest handshake. In the car ride home Ilya finally brought it up.

“What was up with Pike? He kept giving me the weirdest looks?” 

“Oh yeah hahaha, I kinda told him I joined the OTTWAG chat and he was jealous that I was sharing stuff with them and not him. So I started sharing…”

“What did you say to him???”

“Well I started telling him that he should try getting pegged and then I was going to recommend a toy. I said that your not usually into bottoming but there was this one toy, you know the new purple plug? I told him you liked it too and he would probably like it if he gave it a chance.”

“Hahahahaha, your terrible! His birthday is next right? Well I know what we should get him. You are so bad sometimes I love it.”

“Speaking of being bad” Shane said as they pulled into their driveway. Ilya’s eyes got dark and then he noticed what Shane was staring at. A massive pile of huge boxes covered the front porch.

“I may have done something impulsive and a bit crazy."

"Those are usually my things."

"I was really pissed, well I still am, at the Centaurs and the WAGS about the whole Anya thing. I decided that they needed a visit from the King of Pranks.”

Ilya kissed him soundly and said “Moy prokaznik, I love you so much. I cannot wait to see your plans.”

Chapter 8: That's an Extraterrestrial Being

Shane really may have overdone it. It took them quite a while to bring all the boxes into the garage. He had been carefully making and inventory of everything. He had lists of ideas for each and every item, as well as who was to receive them to make sure payback was equally doled out.

Ilya was in awe and more than a little turned on. Shane had his glasses on, a clipboard in hand and was wearing Ilya's favorite slutty short shorts.

Ilya loved this man so much it was stupid. They went through each box Shane showing him all the things he had ordered. Also pulling out things that he just thought Ilya would like to keep for himself. 

He was showing Ilya a lot of stuff but Shane absolutely refused to show Ilya what was on his clipboard. He had spreadsheets, a calendar and a decision tree of what he would do next depending on the reactions of the Centaurs.

After a little while Shane shooed Ilya out of the garage. Shane carefully figured out his first attack. It was going to happen when Ottawa played Montreal in a few days. He started making piles of everything he was going to need.

When he finally made his way inside Ilya was wearing his Anya pajamas, Anya was wearing her Ilya pajamas and the two were cuddled under a blanket with Anya's face on it. Shane looked at them and felt such a flood of love for them. He would do anything to keep those two happy.

Ilya had to go back to practice the next day so he wasn't able to stay long. But luckily he would be back soon for the upcoming game. In the meantime Shane had unmuted the OTTAWAGS chat.

OTTAWAGS GROUP CHAT

Jane:
I am giving you all one more chance to apologize and make it up to Ilya.

I heard from Ilya yesterday that the team has continued to make rude comments about Anya.

You have until the Montreal game to make this right or else whatever happens next is on you.

And then he muted the chat again. He spent the evening cuddled up with Ilya and Anya wearing his own set of Anya pajamas. Ilya had to leave early the next morning to make it back to Ottawa in time for practice the next day. 

Shane had his own practice but he was somewhat distracted hoping Ilya's was going well.

When Ilya called him that night he told Shane all about how the team had teased him about Jane threatening them. 

The WAGs knew Shane was a man but the team didn't know Ilya was bisexual yet. As far as they knew Jane was a timid, shy, boring, Canadian woman, they didn't know that Shane Fucking Hollander was coming for them.

The night before the game Shane stayed late at the arena. He stashed all of his supplies and waited. He watched carefully as the team arrived at the arena the next afternoon.

Both teams changed into their gear and went out onto the ice for warm-ups, Shane was still watching. Once the last of the Centaurs was on the ice, Shane left to “retape his stick.”

He snuck through the hallways pretending to be on an important phone call. Shane was known to pace while talking on the phone. Once he was sure no one was watching he slipped into the other teams locker room. He casually pulled out the bags he had stashed in the back of the supply closet there.

He went from locker to locker taking one thing and replacing it with something new. He stopped at Ilya’s locker did the same and left him something special.

Then he placed a life-size Ayna cutout in the middle with a note taped to it. He carried his bags out and went back out onto the ice.

Ottawa put up a great fight but they lost in the end. The team headed back down to the locker room. Wyatt Hayes let out a yell as he stepped into the locker room to see a lifesized Anya cutout sitting in the dark.

The cutout had an envelope taped to it. Ilya walked around it, patted Anya on the head and went over to his locker. He left the note where it was, it wasn't for him.

It was addressed HEY ASSHOLES! Bood grabbed the note and read it aloud to the team. 

 

Dear Ottawa Centaurs,

You should be more careful who you mess with. I am relentless. I am anonymous. I am everywhere. I hope you like seeing Anya's beautiful face everyday. If not, it sucks to suck. This is only the beginning. Good luck boys, Let me know when you've had enough.

Love
-Jane

“It's a little creepy that she got all the way into the locker room. But does she really think about cardboard cutout and a creepy note is gonna scare us?”

The jearing continued and they all turned towards Roz who was taking off his gear.

“You don't know my Jane. I know some of the plans, Jane refuses to tell me much. But I am incapable of stopping this. I suggest surrendering early and begging for forgiveness and apologizing.”

They all undressed, showered and then headed back to their lockers to get dressed for press.

That's when Luca Haas spoke up “Um guys…I think we have a problem.”

The MHL had very strict rules about coming and leaving games wearing a full suit. There had been a recent wave of enforcement emails reminding everyone that ties were not optional. Failure to comply with the dress code would result in fines.

Shane had taken every single one of their ties and replaced them with a variety of ties covered in Anya's face. They were all different, all of them. They were also purposefully all in Montreal's colors. The choice was clear; get a fine or wear a stupid tie.

Ilya was very excited about his tie. It was covered in lots of little Anya faces and 81s. He slipped it on as he found Shane's special gift for him.

Ilya carefully flipped through the little book Shane had left for him. It was bookmarked in a few places. There were a few handwritten footnotes.  It was a pocket guide to bondage. The footnotes were all about how Shane would like to be tied up with Ilya's new tie.

Ilya's face turned crimson when he got to the page which had a diagram showing how he would be tied up and Shane would be able ride him. This man was going to be the death of him.

Press afterwards was awkward. All of the team had their jackets buttoned up as far as they could go. They avoided the questions about their ties. Except Ilya who proudly displayed his new favorite tie.

He told them all about how much the team loved his new beautiful puppy dog. He was cut off when he started trying to show the press pictures of Anya on his phone. 

Harris came down to the team bus afterwards and was trying to figure out what had happened. That had to be the absolute weirdest presser he had ever watched.

When he saw all of the ties he was stunned. He knew exactly who was behind this. He was torn between laugh and panicking. Shane was a lot funnier than people gave him credit for.

The team headed back to their hotel and they all headed up to their rooms to change and head for dinner and drinks at a local dive bar to sulk after the loss.

Ilya got a message from Shane

Shane:

Let me know if anyone stays behind and doesn't go out tonight.

Ilya:

Why?

Shane:

The less you know the better

Plausible deniability is your friend here baby 😘

Ilya:

What is that?

Shane:

If you don't know, you can't be blamed

Now be a good boy and do as I ask

Then when you come over after you night out I'll be very bad for you 👔🤠🍆🍑💦

Ilya:

I made everyone come tonight no Centaurs left behind, even the coaches, the mascot man and social media team🫡

Shane:

Good job baby 💋

Shane sat in his car watching and waited until he saw the team leave. He strolled into the lobby of the hotel. He walked right up to the concierge. He was wearing a ball cap and sunglasses to hopefully hide his face. He sat down across from the gentleman sitting behind the desk.

Shane slightly lowered his glasses and reached out a hand. He looked to the man's name tag,

“Hi Gerald, Shane Hollander and I just need a small favor.”

Luckily for Shane, Gerald was a huge fan with a few personalized autographed items and $500 he bought his cooperation and discretion.

Shane probably could have gotten away with paying him less but he really wanted to motivate him to keep the secret. Shane passed off the pre-packed gift baskets, a couple bags full of goodies and a bundle of boxes. Gerald called to the team of maids over a radio and the hotel staff was off to deliver the gifts. 

Shane sent Ilya a message that just said

“Done.”

With that he headed back home to wait for his man to tie him up or maybe the other way round? Both? He hadn't quite decided yet but he was going to have fun with this. Anya was staying at the doggie hotel for a couple days so they could be as loud as they wanted to be without scaring Anya. 

Ilya arrived on Shane's doorstep in record time. Shane told him to turn off his phone. Then he grabbed Ilya by the tie and dragged him up the stairs and into bed.

They slept in after staying up all night. When they were finally fully awake the next morning Ilya turned his phone back on and it went crazy. The Centaurs Team Group Chat was exploding.

ZERO PUCKS GIVEN

Hayes:

WHAT THE FUCK? DID ANYONE ELSE GET VISITED BY JANE???

[Picture of his hotel bed it had an Anya blanket spread out on it, an Anya throw pillow and a gift basket]

[Picture of the basket Anya candies, Anya face sugar cookies, Anya pens, Anya totebag, Anya travel mug and in the center a framed photo of Anya.]

Bood:

YES! THIS GIRL IS FUCKING NUTS

Boyle:

Roz you should run or maybe fake your own death!

Dillon:

Can you ask her where she got the cookies first?

The dog may be ugly but the cookies a're delicious

Chouinard:

Don't eat them, they could be poisoned! Never trust baked goods from crazy chicks!

Selena agrees!

Haas:

I'm with Dillon! This blanket is amazing! Tell Jane thanks!

Young:

How many fucking things can she possibly put a dogs face on?

Holmberg:

Dude we talked about this that's not a dog, that's an extraterrestrial being

[Picture from ET of Elliot flying away with ET in a basket. Ilya's face has been imposed over Elliot's face. And Anya is over ET's face]

Dykstra:

CAN WE GET BACK TO HOW DID SHE GET ACCESS TO OUR ROOMS???

AND THE LOCKER ROOM??? 

ITS FUCKING CREEPY! 

Bood:

ROZ IS MISSING!

CODE RED HE'S BEEN KIDNAPPED

Barrett:

Everyone chill the fuck out!

And stop yelling!

The snacks are not poisoned, and Roz is with Jane now he told me where he was going before he left.

Hayes:

How can you be so sure???

Roz might be gone forever

I'm gonna text Coach

Barrett:

You guys are extra stupid when you're wasted

Roz and Jane had Harris and I over for dinner a while ago. Yes Jane is crazy but so is Roz.

Dillon:

If anyone doesn't want their cookies I'll take them!

Young:

What the fuck did I just walk into?

[Luca Haas wrapped in his Anya blanket, head on the Anya pillow and eating Anya candies]

Dykstra:

I just spoke to the night manager on the phone. Apparently the gift baskets were placed by the staff. Someone must have paid off an employee to deliver the gift baskets.

Hayes:

Jane got to Coach as well... 

He thinks its funny this isn't going to be good.

Rozanov:

😂😂😂😂😂😂

I was not kidnapped

Although I was bound and gagged last night 🤔

I got a gift basket this morning too! Don't you love all the goodies!

When you are done please give Ilya a handwriten letter explaining why it was wrong to make fun of Anya and apologizing to Ilya and I for your actions. -Jane

And the cookies are from Simply Sweet off of Bickford Ave

Ilya watched the messages continue to roll in. He and Shane were laughing their asses off. Then he told Ilya about the pièce de résistance.

He had instructed his new buddy Gerald to make sure the staff collected up any thrown away or left behind Anya merch. Shane had left a number of pre-addressed and pre-paid shipping boxes to make sure if anything was left behind it was promptly mailed back to its owner.

The boxes also included a few handfuls of custom confetti that said “ANYA”. Just in case the boys actually brought home all their goodies, he also included extra cookies & candy. As well as their stolen ties.

Chapter 9: Nightmare Fuel

Shane ended up sending Gerald at the Raddison an additional $500 tip for his services. All Gerald had been told was that this it was apart of a secret MHL prank war. So he kinda sorta knew what he was assisting in.

However Gerald had gone far above and beyond. As a lifelong Metros fan he was not about to let his hero Shane Hollander down. 

Gerald had taken it upon himself to call each Centaur and tell them they had forgotten something behind in their rooms. When asked what it was he played dumb and said he wasn't sure he just had a list from housekeeping of people to call.

He then told each team member that their box would arrive in the next 2-3 days. Then he waited and staggered the mailing of all the boxes. So they trickled in slowly one by one.

The first box arrived and was delivered to Wyatt Hayes. It was addressed from the hotel and he thought it was his nice set of noise cancelling headphones. Those had in fact been ‘borrowed’ by Bood during the bus ride back. 

He brought the box inside. He ripped into it while walking up the stairs to his office. Glitter and "ANYA" confetti spilled out all over the carpet. He groaned when he looked inside there was the pillow, blanket and framed photo of Anya he had left behind in his hotel room. Then a note fluttered out 

Wyatt,

I wanted to make sure you didn't forget anything important! 

Love,

Anya & Jane  

Wyatt looked at the front of the package and saw that his address and name had been written in the same handwriting as the notes. 

He immediately texted the group

Wyatt:

She knows where we live…

[Picture of the package, the note and the contents of the box]

Your boxes are probably on their way as we speak. Watch out for the glitter ✨️

Bood:

Awesome sauce

This girl is a little scary

Barrett:

You have no idea

We are all fucked

Rozanov:

 Jane is looking forward to your apologies

Bergy: 

We will never surrender!

Wyatt set the box on the counter and headed off to vacuum up the glitter. The confetti was too big to suck up so he ended up having to hand pick it out of his carpet and then vacuum up the glitter. He was just finishing up as Lisa was just walking in the door. 

“BABE? Why are you vacuuming? Didn't the cleaners justbcome yesterday?”

“Yeah they did. But Jane arrived today.”

“Who?”

Then she saw the package on the counter.

“Oh…”

She pulled everything out of the box and onto the countertop. She started eating one of the cookies and just stared blankly at the pile of Anya paraphernalia. 

Wyatt wandered back into the kitchen, kissed Lisa on the cheeks and grabbed a cookie. They quietly munched while silently staring into space.

Lisa finally broke the silence “I don't think I can compete with this level of dedication or craziness. I've got too much to do at work. If this is where Jane is starting, I don't wanna know where this is ending. I think we both need to start write letters.”

Wyatt quietly nodded “Yup.

"These cookies are really good.”

The next morning before practice Wyatt Hayes, the fearless goalie to the Centaurs, silently handed Ilya an apology letter addressed to him, Jane and Anya. As well as a $100 McDonald's gift card for Ilya. 

"Wise choice." Ilya said solemnly.

Troy saw the exchange and grabbed a letter from his bag as well.

“I just didn't want to be the first one to cave. Harris's is in there too. We are both really sorry for everything.”

Nick Chouinard spoke up next, “Really? You're going to let Jane win this? For the record I am sorry Roz, but I refuse to let Jane win this way.”

"I know we all totally agree that your dog is awesome, she's just nightmare fuel." Young said laughing.

Roz spoke next “Do you remember when I first joined and all of you were just a little bit scared of me?” 

“Yeah but now your secret is out, we know you and your a big Russian teddy bear. Unless your protecting someone you'd never hurt a fly.” Dykstra shouted over the lockers.

“Yes, but overall I am big scary Russian menace. I am terror of the league."

"I guess you've got a reputation." Nick admitted. 

Without hesitation Ilya continued "Jane is scarier. No one who knows Jane wants to be on Jane's bad side. Jane is genius planner, patient and relentless. You think I am scary, look at who is in charge of me.”

“You are soooo whipped bro.” Dykstra chimed in.

“Yes. Very, was that not clear? I leave Boston for Jane, I move to Canada for Jane, I would do anything and everything my Jane asks. The worst part is Jane never even had to ask for me to do those things. I just know it would make him smile and it is done”

“You're soooo gone for bro. You'd better put a ring on it and soon.” Bood said nudging Ilya.

Ilya just smiled and pulled out his necklace. “Jane already beat me to it.”

The room exploded!

“HOLY SHIT ROZ!!”

“Congratulations!”

“Oh my god!”

“This just means it is that much more important for you to apologize to my Jane, wedding will be very awkward if no one was speaking.”

Bood spoke up next “Sorry bro its a competition now. We can't fail, we can't let Jane win, even if your getting married.”

Ilya started laughing and laughing hard. He finally wiped away the tears in his eyes.

“Jane is the most competitive human on this planet. My Jane will always win. Good luck boys.”

The team continued on with practice. Admittedly the team was being very nice to Ilya. After practice Ilya dialed up Shane to let him know the good news that some of them were already breaking. 

While walking through the parking garage he heard footsteps running up behind him. It was Luca and Tanner. Shane answered his phone right about the same time.

"How was practice baby?" Shane said answering.

“Hold on one moment sweetheart, Haasy and Dills are chasing me down in the garage.”

“Is that Jane?” Luca said wide eyed.

“We wanted to talk to you about something Roz and we would also love to speak to Jane.” Tanner said quietly. 

“You hear that moy lyubimyy?”

“I'm listening. Put them on.”

Ilya put Shane on speaker and held his phone out so Shane could hear. 

Luca took a deep breath “We wanted to apologize for our actions. We were just trying to fit in with the others. I never even really thought Anya was ugly. I love dogs! I miss my family dog back in Switzerland so much.”

“Same here! I love Anya she's the coolest dog. I just wanted to be apart of the team. I feel so guilty that we upset you and Roz. And Anya. I didn’t realize we crossed the line until it was too late. We are really really sorry.”

Ilya looked at them “Are you finished?”

“Um no. There was something else.” Luca said looking down at his feet.

Luca shoved Tanner towards the phone. 

“We wanted to apologize but we also still kinda sorta wanted to see if we could still get the Anya swag.” Tanner practically whispered.

“The blanket is so soft and I really like my Anya socks. But I think she may be our lucky charm. I scored more goals in our last game than I ever have before.”

The phone was silent for a moment and then a giggle came through the line “Yeah boys I can keep sending you things.” 

Luca and Tanner's eyes went wide at the masculine voice they heard. Ilya smiled and winked at them, then took Shane off of speaker.

“Goodnight baby rookies.”

Chapter 10: He thought she was a Werewolf

“You're terrible malysh, those poor boys just had their heads explode”

“Hahahaha I hope that was okay. Letting them know I'm a guy.”

“Yes very much okay, I was wanting to talk to you about coming out to the team as bisexual, I know they won't have a problem and I don't really want our wedding to be interrupted but idiots freaking out.”

“Of course you can tell them, baby it's your life. You can also tell them that I'm a man. But maybe hold off on the Shane Hollander part…I have plans for that reveal.”

“Ah yes, should I call Troy and make sure he brings Chirion to attack you again?”

“Shut up! I just wasn't expecting a giant dog to come charging and barking into the kitchen!”

Ilya just kept laughing “I love you so much is sucks sweetheart.”

The two made plans for their next visit. Then Ilya sent pictures of the apology letters…and maybe one or two of his dick. And then Shane sent a few pictures back…He really was powerless to resist Ilya. 

Later that night Shane knew what he had to do. It was time to makeup with the Ottawags. He missed them like crazy. He typed and re typed and re re re typed his first message back. He finally just sent the least dumb thing he had typed.

OTTAWAGS

Jane:

Hi

Harris:

😭😭😭

I missed you bitch!

Lisa:

JANEY!!! YOU'RE BACK!

Selena:

He speaks!

Jane:

I missed you guys so much 😭

Harris, Lisa I cried when I read your letters. I'm sorry I went a little crazy there and Lisa I'm sorry about the glitter ✨️

Alexis: 

Glitter?

Cassie:

Sooooo much glitter 😫

Zane got his box today

[Picture of glitter spilled all over a couch and a package ripped in half]

Jane:

I love you all but your boys still owe my man an apology…

Luca and Tanner apologized to Ilya yesterday while he had me on the phone. Ilya keeps calling the rookies his children and I now finally understand.

Luca apologized but then asked me to keep giving him Anya stuff. Apparently the rookies see her as a good luck charm 🤣🥰♥️ They're too cute!

Caitlyn:

Note to self do not open Jane's package in the house. 

Jane:

You can't avoid the package if you don't know what it looks like 😁 

Cassie:

Yeah ours looked like something from CMM Zane thought it was free gear and then ANYA!

I hate the glitter but his face was fucking priceless

[Shocked Anya Meme]

Jane:

Should I be expecting his letter soon?

Cassie:

🤣🤣🤣🤣

No, Zane is the most stubborn, competitive man I've ever met. It will take more than that to break him. 

Jane:

Well that's just not true…

You've met me 😘

I always win, just ask my baby

Harris:

Ilya “Baby” Rozanov I just can't see it 😆 He can be scary when he wants to be

But Troy told me all about Ilya's “I'm whipped and I like it” speech

I still sorta can't believe he settled down but at the same time you're you so it totally makes sense. 

Jane:

If you wanna know the truth Ilya was ready to be something more before I was.

The first time he really tried to take us the slightest bit past fuck buddies, I may have panicked just a little, walked out on him immediately following an orgasm and dated a woman for a bit 🙃

Lisa:

Holy shit Jane that's absolutely wild behavior

Caitlyn:

That's tragic 😥 I'm glad you were able to work it out 

Jane:

I mean she's one of my best friends now and she's also the person who really made me finally accept that I was gay

Selena:

Wait wait ✋️

Weren't you and Roz fucking for like YEARS at that point????

Jane:

Yeah I was dumb 

LIKE REALLY REALLY DUMB.

 I was trying to convince myself that maybe I was bisexual like Ilya, I just hadn't met the right girl yet. I was deeeeeeep in the closet.

Harris:

HOLY SHIT!

Are you talking about who I think you're talking about???

SHE was your last shot at being with a woman???

Jane:

I mean if I couldn't get it up for her, it definitely wasn't happening for anyone else 😅

Harris:

Omg you're ridiculous

Jane:

No just super gay 🦸🏻‍♂️

So the other thing I wanted to talk to you ladies about is the fact that Ilya wants to come out as bisexual to the team.

It's a really big step for him and for us. One step closer to us fully coming out. 

But I swear to god if the team isn't supportive… Pranks are over and it's time for straight up murder.

Harris:

They will be great, they've been nothing but supportive to Troy

Cassie:

We will join you in the murder if anyone says anything

Caitlyn:

The Centaurs will be great 

Selena:

I'm in for murder as well! Sounds like a good time for another girls trip while we dump bodies!

Lisa:

Yesssss! Our Niagara trip was amazing! 

Alexis:

I only remember parts of that trip

Soooo much wine 🍷🥂🍷🥂🍷

Jane:

I can't wait to join your next trip, maybe someday soon!

I still need to come out to my coworkers which may get a little messy and may involve talking Ilya out of murder. 

Lisa:

If you're work place is homophobic then you should leave. Don't keep yourself stuck in a bad environment just to keep a job. Ilya makes plenty enough for the both of you to live off. I work because I enjoy it, if you don't enjoy your job quit!

Jane:

I wish it were that simple. My career is so important to me. It's a part of who I am. I don't know that I'll ever walk away fully.

Cassie:

I know it's hard to do but sometimes its for the best in the end. Can you find a job somewhere else in the same field? 

Jane:

I wish I could

It's really complicated.

I'm another hockey player 

I am also an athlete and I can't just move easily.

I have spent my entire life working to get to where I am. 

Selena:

Oh that does make it complicated, but not impossible

Are you a hockey player too??? Join the Centaurs!!

Jane:

All I will say is I am a pro athlete

It's just unfortunately not easy to be a gay athlete in any sport.

That's part of why it took so long for Ilya and I to get to this point 

Alexis:

If the roles were reversed and Ilya was in this situation would you want him to stay in a space he didn't feel safe in?

Harris:

I don't want to speak too much for him. But I know how impossible it felt to Troy and now look at us. Coming out may not be as terrible as you think it will be. Yes there are some homophobes out there but talk to Troy. He will tell you how much better he feels. 

Jane:  

You guys are the best ❤️

Shane continued to chat for the rest of the evening. And while laying in bed he started to formulate exactly what he was going to say to his team.

He started writing all of his thoughts down and decided that he would come out and do it soon. But he would wait until after Ilya had, he didn't want to steal his thunder or pressure him into doing it sooner than he was ready. 

This was gonna suck but he and Ilya were going to get married and he didn't want to have to hide his husband. He cuddled with his Anya plushie, wrapped himself in a shirt that smelled like him and fell asleep finally exhausting himself. It was later than usual but his mind felt settled and clear. He fell deeply asleep, well at least until his phone started to buzz.

Ilya:

Are you awake?

Sweetheart?

Shanya!

PAY ATTENTION TO MEEEEEEEEEEEEE

Shane:

ARE YOU OKAY??

what the fuck?

Ilya:

I did it!

Shane:

Did what?

Wake me up? Piss me off?

Ilya:

Came out to team!!!

Shane:

Baby it is 5 am

On a Saturday

Why are you awake?

Ilya: 

I was nervous couldn't sleep

I woke up early and went for run

Shane:

Earlier than this?

Ilya:

At what point did late last night turn into early this morning?

I woke up then

Shane:

Let me grab a coffee and call you

Ilya picked up on the first ring. “GOOD MORNING!”

“Jesus christ are you on drugs.” 

“No just high on life! I feel so free!" 

“You're insane, you know that right?” 

“And you love me and want to marry me, which makes you even more insane.”

“Unfortunately I do. Very very much. Okay tell me all your morning it babe.”

“Okay so I woke up in the middle of the night and couldn't get back to sleep. So I went to workout to wear myself out. So I put on my workout gear. Then Anya really needed to pee. So I decided to run outside instead. And I put on headphones and we just went, no thinking, just running.”

“Went where? It was what maybe 3 am?”

“Well at first I was just running listening to Taylor Swift mix, then Lover came on and then I was thinking about you. I realized I was only a few streets away from Dykstra's house so I went there. I knock on his door. It takes him a while to answer. But when he answered, was very funny he screamed. I yelled back ‘I'm bisexual!’ and run away.”

“Thats it? Thats all you said? I have an entire notebook full of what I'm trying to say.”

“Too much, you need to think less.”

“We both know thats not possible”

“Anyways I ran to Bood's house, Anya started barking at his door when he wouldn't answer at first. She knew how excited I was. He thought she was a werewolf and then I popped out of bush and yelled ‘I'm bisexual’ and again ran away. Also very funny.”

“I think I can see how your morning went.”

“Yes I got them all, even Troy, he was in-between Luca and Hazy, I didn't want to leave him out.”

“Oh good you wouldn't want anyone to feel left out of the fun.”

“So it is done! I did it!”

“Are you sure they actually know?”

“Probably, enough of them at least, Boyle was maybe still asleep at the door. Also he had Anya blanket wrapped around him.”

“Well I'm proud of you even though this was the absolute weirdest way you could have done it.”

“I'm exhausted now. Me and Anya are gonna go back to bed. Love you future husband."

"Love you too even though your crazy." They hung up and Shane started to get ready for his own early morning run.

Chapter 11: Bizarro Little Hamster Thingy

Chapter Notes

So a couple weeks ago I was in a car accident. I and the other person involved were completely fine. My car was not, as a high mileage older car she was totalled.

Yesterday my husband and I finally went to buy a replacement car. My 'new' used car is great and I am super excited. BUT then I got a sign from the universe that this was the car I was meant to buy.

In the CD slot the previous owner had left a disk. I played it and it was a "Learn to Speak Russian" CD 🥰

The messages from the WAG chat started to flow in as Shane ran. He could hear the notifications pop up through his ear buds. When he stopped to grab a morning green juice he check his phone. 

Everyone was confused and asking Jane for clarification.

OTTAWAGS

Cassie:

Did anyone get ding-dong-ditched by a crazy Russian this morning?

Lisa:

Was that real or did I dream that? I was just getting off my overnight shift at the hospital.

Alexis:

Is this really how Roz decided to come out?

Jane:

Hey ladies, so I told Ilya to come out however and whenever it felt right.

He obviously took that sentiment a little too far.

But yes that's how he chose to come out. Please spread news to the rest of the team that this was in fact real.

And double check on Bergy, he may have been sleep walking.

Harris:

Why did he wake us up???

Troy already knew???

Jane:

He didn't want him to feel left out

His house his also in between Haasy's and Hazy's it was on his way 🤷🏻‍♂️ 

He also thought it was really funny

[Picture of Troy's confused face, standing in the doorway in his boxers, a horrible flash lighting the frame harshly]

Selena:

🤣 what a menace

Jane:

Yeah ♥️ He's my menace though 🥰

They didn't have practice that Saturday or Sunday so the team sat a stewed in their questions.

When questioned in the group chat Ilya just told them he would rather talk in person and they'll see each other at the next practice. 

On Monday in the locker room exploded with questions from the team. Ilya ignored them all practice.

He kept telling everyone “We will talk later, now is time for hockey.” At the end of practice he told everyone they were going to Monk's for drinks. 

The team hurried through their showers and down the road to their usual watering hole. They were quickly seated in the back at their usual table.

The servers there knew them and started to bring pitchers of beer without being asked. And no one brought menus because the team didn't need them.

Once everyone was settled with a drink and some food, Ilya grabbed his phone. He set a 10 minute timer and set it face up on the table. 

“Okay idiots listen up! You have 10 min to ask whatever stupid, offensive, or embarrassing questions you have. I will answer honestly and won't punch you in face. Don't ask if you don't want to know and don't expect me to answer anything else after this."

"Only thing off table is Jane's identity, yes Jane is a man, no you may not know anything more.”

He started the timer. The team sat stunned for a moment. Luca and Tanner broke the silence by letting out a sigh of relief.

“Thank God! I wasn't sure how long we'd be able to keep that a secret! But we are really proud of you Roz, you're a legend dude. Now about Jane how long exactly have you two been together?” 

“How do you define together?”

“Uhhhh. I dunno?” Luca mumbled awkwardly.

Bood cut it “Don't waste time! Rapid fire timeline! First kiss? First hookup? First time you called him your boyfriend? First I love you?”

“Oh you will not like any of these answers." Ilya said laughing and taking another swig of his beer.

"First kiss was 2010, summer before rookie season, first hookup 30 seconds after first kiss. First time I called him my boyfriend, summer 2017. When I met his parents for the first time and I told him I loved him about 24 hours before I met his parents.”

“What the fuck kind of timeline is that bro? Seven years from first kiss to boyfriends??” Hazy said shoving him.

“One of a closeted couple with a very very complicated history.” Ilya said off handedly. 

“Why did it take you so long make it official? 7 years is wild.” Boyle finally said.

“Probably had something to do with my homophobic family, homophobic hockey culture, oh and don't forget is illegal in Russia. Also we were both very stupid for a very long time.”

“Is he hot?” LaPointe chimed in laughing and drinking.

Ilya's face went soft at pictureing his wonderful fiance. “The hottest, most beautiful man in the entire world. He is perfect, I still don't know what I did to deserve him.”

Troy chimed in, “Yeah he's waaaay out of your league. Harris agrees, he's to good for you.”

Everyone's heads snapped towards Troy “You know him??”

“Yeah Harris and Jane are friends, we've had a couple double dates.” Troy said shrugging.

“Why do you get to know AND meet him???”

“Harris figured it out and then I got pranked into meeting him as retaliation for the shaving cream helmet. I should be excluded from the rest of your nonsense by the way. I did not appreciate the early morning wake up call, neither did Harris.”

Ilya pulled out his phone and showed them team a picture of Troy's confused face and bedhead. “And you should know he suggested an icy hot jock, you got off easy dude.”

Troy's face dropped and paled. “He is such a monster! Why doesn't anyone else see it?”

“He is only an asshole to people he actually likes so think of it like a compliment. And is the big sad brown eyes he looks like sad baby moose. Irresistible to both Canadians and Russians.”

“When will we get to meet him?” 

“When he decides you deserve it, it will be very funny. You have… 3 minutes left.”

“Have you been with other men?”

“Eh a few others, but mostly Jane. He is the best at everything he does. That includes blow jobs and riding my dick." The team groaned at that. 

“What about you Boston slut phase? Was he around for that?” Hazy said genuinely curious.

“Sadly yes, we were casual for a long time and only saw each other a few times a year. But most other hookups were one time things, Jane was the only one who I kept coming back to.”

“What's Jane's job?”

“He is many things model, landlord, athlete”

“Is he rich?”

“Yes we earn the same but I buy stupid things like fast cars and motorcycles. He invests in sex condos and houses.”

“What does that mean??”

“You're running out of time!!”

“Is he Russian?”

“No, Canadian. But he is learning to speak Russian.”

“Top or bottom?” Luca called out red faced. “Or verse?” Troy added quickly.

“I am top, obviously”

“Whats his name?”

“Nope and time is done.”

The team enjoyed the rest of their evening. They had dinner, a few drinks and danced until it was time to settle up.

They flagged down their waitress and let her know that she had never brought over their bills. “Oh sorry I thought you knew?”

The team just looked confusedly at her “Knew what?” Wyatt said.

“Someone called and paid for it all earlier, said his name was Jane? Kinda weird but left a massive tip.”

She said shrugging and walked away. “Okay I kinda love your man!” called out LaPointe.

That was until they all headed out together walking to their cars and that's when they saw what was before them. Some of their cars had been Anya'ed. Magnets, window decals, bumper stickers, antenna balls and writing on the windows. The only ones exempt were Troy, Wyatt, Luca and Tanner. But Tanner and Luca each had a gift wrapped in Anya paper on the hoods of their cars full of swag. 

“Uuuuuugggghhh my car! I just got it detailed!” Boyle complained loudly. 

“Oh my god I just figured out what she looks like! She's not ET she's one of those bizarro little hamster thingys from the Quiznos commercials!” Young said pointing at the Anya decal on his hood. 

“I hated those things! But yup you're right.” Bood said staring at the fuzzy little Anya antenna ball. 

Ilya called Shane immediately “Sweetheart! You are here!” 

“Just for the night baby I wanted to make sure everything went well with your team.” 

“Of course they are the best.” 

“Well hurry home, I missed you and I'll get started without you if you don't hurry.”  

“Goodnight boys! Say goodnight to Jane.”

“Goodnight Jane!” The entire team said in unison. 

Ilya hopped in his car and hurried home to see his perfect fiancé. When Ilya pulled into his garage Shane came out to meet him.

As the garage door closed Shane walked over to the driver's side door of Ilya’s electric orange McLaren. The door lifted upwards Shane leaned in and kissed Ilya “I'm so proud of you” he said breaking the kiss. 

Then he did something unexpected he reached over and pulled a lever to slide the seat back. While he pulled off his shirt he climbed in, straddling Ilya. They kissed deeply as Shane pulled the door closed and proceeded to make one of Ilya’s fantasies come true. 

They said their goodbyes early the next morning and about an hour and a half into his drive Shane got a call from Ilya. 

“Miss me already?” 

“Always malysh. But I am calling because LaPointe sent me a picture of his ‘Amazon’ package that was delivered this morning.” 

“Hahahaha good he ended up bringing home most of his stuff except the framed picture so there was a lot of room for Gerald to put glitter in. Where did he open it?” 

“That's the best part, he thought it was more sticktape he had ordered so he brought it to the rink. He and the rookies have been going in early before practice to get extra ice time. He got glitter allllll over the benching area, so no ice time today while ice management works on figuring out how to remove glitter from ice.” 

“Well now I feel bad, I didn't want it to affect hockey.” 

“No no no don't worry we are doing gym and field day instead.” 

“I still feel bad for the staff.”

“I took care of them do not worry my love. I order coffee and breakfast for everyone. I will also get lunches. And Pointy is writing his letter right now, is very long so far he has three pages front and back.”

“Good. Also I know I was just there yesterday but I was thinking about rescheduling my photoshoot with Bulgari so I could visit for a long weekend.”

“YES! I must have more Shane time.” 

The other part of Shane's plan was to come out to his team before the long weekend. But he didn't share this with Ilya.

He was still worried that he might chicken out. But if he did it before the weekend, no matter how things went he could get some time away from his team.

He hoped most of the guys would be alright but there were a few who worried him. They threw around some insensitive words in the locker room.

But it was hard to tell if they were actually homophobic or just talking shit. No it wasn't great that they used that language but, it was hockey he couldn't really expect too much more from them or could he? 

After a nerve-racking week a bunch of conversations with Hayden, the WAGs, Troy and his parents. Shane realized he was really going to do this.

He's going to wait until after practice on Thursday and then talk to the team. The other thing he decides to do was finally let Ilya know what he's about to do.

He knows Ilya will be supportive but he also knows Ilya has his reservations. He wants Shane to be safe and he doesn't trust the Metros like he trusts his team. 

Shane:

Hey babe I wanted to give you a heads up that today I am planning on having “the talk” with my team. I know you're just as nervous about this as I am. But it needs to happen for us to move forward and get married. I love you and I promise no matter how today goes I will be okay because I have you. 

Ilya:

You are Shane Fucking Hollander and don't you forget it. Don't ever let them make you feel like less. I love you so so much moy lyubimyy.

Call me when you're ready.

But please text me right after to let me know you're okay.

Shane:

❤️❤️❤️

Ilya:

♥️♥️♥️

Shane:

I did it

Ilya:

I am so so proud of you 😘

How were they?

Are you okay?

Shane:

It was shitty

It went fine

It was okay

I don't know

I'm driving to you now

Ilya attempted to call Shane and he didn't pick up. He could see Shane's little dot on find my friends moving along. So at least he knew he was still driving and not in a ditch somewhere.

And god dammit he was gonna have to call ‘6th Worst Pike’. Hayden’s phone went to voicemail. 

“Pike call me, Shane is being weird. I need to know how today went.”

He started pacing, Anya walked over to him and started whining. He scooped her up like a big baby “It's okay princess, daddy will be okay. He will be here soon baby girl and then we will take care of him.”

Pike finally called him back.

“What is happening? I'm going fucking crazy here. How did it go?”

“Sorry I had to get out of the rink before I answered. It went fine I think. Everyone was pretty quiet. Shane said his speech and then no one really said anything about it and kept on getting ready to leave.”

“No one said anything? No questions, no I'm proud of you, no insults, no nothing?”

“Yeah it was weird but not necessarily bad?”

“It's not fucking good. He's been with this team since his start, not one single person spoke to him??”

“Well I mean JJ and I told him we were proud of him. JJ was really supportive. He started talking about wanting to take Shane out to meet dudes.”

“Ha no. You can tell him to stop.”

“I didn't have to Shane kinda told the whole locker room that he was with someone, that he's in love and it's serious.”

“Oh, thats big.”

“Yeah I don't know if he meant to share all that but he did. Again most of the team was pretty much silent.”

“How was Shane when he left?”

“I mean he was a little disappointed of course. But he was just really quiet, like maybe mad quiet or thinking quiet. If I thought he was going to have a panic attack or something I wouldn't have let him go.”

“Okay maybe he just needs time to think. I will let you know when he gets here. And let me know if you hear anything from your team.”

“Yeah of course, take care of him bud and give Anya a hug for me.”

“Always, later Pike.”

Ilya sat watching Shane's dot on the tracking app get closer and closer. He was driving fast, Shane never drove fast. He ordered food to be delivered from Shane's favorite place.

He made sure there was vodka in the freezer, ginger ale in the fridge, took Anya for her evening walk, Shane's comfort movie ready to play, all the blankets on the couch, lights turned low and juuust in case refilled the lube in the coffee table so he was prepared for anything Shane threw at him. 

Shane pulled up almost a half an hour earlier than he should have. Ilya texted Pike "The loon has landed", then set his phone aside. "He must have been driving insanely fast for Shane. Ilya met him at the door. He had prepared for just about anything, but not this.

Shane silently walked in the door, put his bag down, took off his shoes and put his jacket away. He was very stiff and controlled.

When he finally turned towards Ilya his eyes were holding back tears. Shane opened his mouth to speak and it all poured out as he melted into Ilya's waiting arms and cried.

He had been holding this in all drive. He tried to speak and just sobbed. 

Ilya pulled him closer and lifted him up. Shane legs instinctively wrapped around him. Ilya carried them to the couch in his dimmed living room.

Ilya sat and comforted Shane while he was curled up in his lap. Shane finally started to settle down, Ilya pulled a blanket around them and waited for Shane to be ready to talk.

The entire time Ilya was trying to figure out how to get Shane out of Montreal.

He never wanted to see Shane like this again. 

Chapter 12: Sasquatch!!!

Shane was quiet for the rest of the evening. He tucked himself into Ilya like he couldn't possibly get close enough.

They had dinner on the couch. Shane said he wasn't hungry so Ilya just filled his plate with twice the portions and grabbed a second fork.

He ended up feeding Shane bite by bite after Anya licked one of the forks and neither one wanted to get up to replace it.

Ilya also brought over a can of ginger ale and two glass of vodka. Ilya then turned on one of of his favorite movies, The Princess Bride. They had both loved this movie as kids and they watched it at the Cottage their first summer.

Shane still hadn't said much beyond one or two word answers that evening but Ilya felt him start to shutter next to him.

He turned towards Shane worried he had started crying again, but Shane was laughing or at least trying not to laugh. 

“What is it? Are you okay?” 

“The ROUS's they look like Anya.”

Ilya looked to Anya and then back at the screen. He joined Shane laughing.

“You're totally right. The fire swamp is one of my favorite parts maybe that's why I love Anya so much.”

Shane leaned in and kissed Ilya “I love you so much baby.”

“I love you too.”

“Can you grab me another Ginger Ale and my phone?”

“As you wish” 

Ilya kissed him once more smiling. Ilya walked to the kitchen grabbed his stuff and a bowl of ice cream them to share. He passed Shane his phone. There were only a few notifications none were from the Metros Group Chat.

“If they aren't talking here it means they are probably on a separate chat talking behind my back. I know the things they said about Hunter when he came out. When I told them to knock it off they moved to a chat without me in it.”

“Can you tell me what happened baby? Did they say something? Did they do something? Pike said they didn't really say anything.”

“That's exactly the problem, they didn't say or do anything. Nothing. I've know some of them for a decade and they didn't have anything to say. I prepared myself for hurtful comments but not to be completely and utterly ignored. This was a big deal for me and they acted like it was nothing, like I was nothing, they wouldn't look at me, I felt like I just disappeared.”

Ilya wrapped his arms back around him.

“You did not disappear, I would go crazy if you did. Maybe they just need time to process, you maybe need time too, this was a big step.” Ilya said hopefully.

Shane didn't say anything, he just pulled himself closer into Ilya “Maybe it will be better Monday. I shouldn’t give up on them so easily. Thank you. You know just how to make everything better.”

They spent the rest of the evening wrapped around each other and watching cheesy movies.

The following morning Shane woke up early as usual and decided to take Anya for a run. When he asked Ilya if he wanted to join him, all he heard was a groan as Ilya pulled himself deeper into a blanket cocoon. But after he finished up getting ready Ilya demanded a kiss before he left on his run.

Shane stepped outside and pulled on a toque to cover up a bit and make himself less easily recognizable. After a few minutes of running he began feeling himself zone out and he just let Anya guide him along her usual route. 

Partway through his run he stopped at a little park to let Anya go potty and do some very important sniffing. He pulled out his phone to check on things.

Still nothing from the Metros, however there were texts actively flying in from the WAG chat. They had organized a morning walking group. He saw that they were getting ready to meetup now.

Thats when he made a snap decision. He called Anya back over and headed towards the park the WAGs were all meeting at. 

OTTAWAGS

Cassie:

Sorry ladies I'm running behind! Milo didn't want to cooperate. 

Lisa:

No worries lady! We never start on time anyways 

Alexis:

I got here early. I'm just gonna be at the picnic shelter and finish up my coffee

HOLY SHIT 

HURRRY 

Caitlyn:

Are you okay?

What's happening?

Alexis:

[Picture of Shane Hollander shirtless stretching]

HE'S HERE AND HE'S SO PRETTY

Selena:

I’M ON MY WAY

Cassie:

OH MY GOD DONT LET HIM LEAVE!

Alexis:

He is just stretching doesn't look like he'll leave soon.

Harris:

I know I wasn't gonna come but now I have too 🤣🤣🤣🤣

PLEAAASSSSSE wait for me

Jane:

😁

Shane saw the group of women begin gathering at the opposite end of the park underneath a picnic shelter. 

He pretended to ignore them. They were making that difficult, they kept giggling and trying to sneak pictures.

He had hidden Anya by having her lay down behind a nearby short cement wall. She was really good at her down stay. 

Shane continued to stretch and do a few basic yoga poses while he waited for the rest of theast few WAGs to arrive. He saw Harris, the last to arrive, finally walk around the corner into the park. 

That is when Shane made his move. He slid his foot back and made it look like he had accidentally spilled his water.

He slung his shirt over his shoulder and walked over to refill his bottle at the water fountain. It was exactly were the WAGs all sitting.

He waved at them casually “Morning ladies, Hi Harris” then winked at them and went to fill his bottle.

He could feel his phone in his pocket started buzzing rapidly. There were loud confused whispers coming from the direction of the ladies. He then turned back around and whistled. Anya came barreling over from her hidden spot to greet everyone.

They all screamed as Anya ran at them, they obviously weren't expecting her.

Selena shouted “Sasquatch!” and dove behind Lisa for protection. Harris casually reached over to give Anya a pet. 

The group just sat there looking between Harris, then Anya, then Shane. After a few loops of this and some weird looks he finally gave in.

Shane quietly pulled out, his phone opened up the wag chat and texted “Surprise!” The once silent group now exploded in shrieks and curses. 

"Holy shit..."

"Holy fucking shit!"

"No fucking way"

"Jesus Christ"

"Shane Motherfucking Hollander???"

"How the fuck did this happen?"

And then at once they descended on Shane, he was suddenly wrapped in arms and trapped at the center of a giant bear hug. 

Finally for the first time since he came out to his team, he felt the acceptance he had been looking for. 

The group's morning walk and Shane's run were promptly canceled. The park wasn't very far from their house home. So he invited them all back to Ilya's place to talk, and he promised to make them all breakfast. He was so caught up in this moment with the wags that he forgot to warn Ilya. 

Ilya woke up to the sound of a full House. He assumed it was most likely the TV on or maybe a podcast. But his brain was too sleepy to recognize that he knew those voices. So he crawled out of bed. 

It was still way too fucking early for a weekend, but he smelled pancakes, eggs and coffee so up, he got. 

He quickly stopped by the bathroom, brushed his teeth, so he could kiss his fiancé, splashed some water on his face and headed downstairs. One of the things he did not do before walking downstairs was put on pants

So he was very surprised when he walked into the kitchen in his briefs to all of his teammates' partners, sitting there at his kicthen table. The stunned stares quickly turned into cat calls. Ilya reflexively covered himself with his own hands and scurried out of the room.

He peaked his head back around the corner, staring directly at Shane.

"What the fuck Shane? Why are all the WAGs in our house right now?" 

As he looked around at the group sitting around his kitchen table, all drinking coffee out of mugs with Anya's face on it. Then, something else caught his eye, Shane was holding Cassie and Bood's newborn Milo.

He had seen Shane around the Pike kids plenty of times but this was a baby baby and it broke something in Ilya's brain for a moment. He stared for far longer than he should have.

When he came to he realized the ladies were still ogling him. He turned to run upstairs and heard a chorus of whistling as he turned his back on them 

He quickly scurried back upstairs threw on some sweats and a hoodie. He also took a quick peak in the mirror and tidied up his curls. 

When he returned he was greeted by a round of boos and the room asking him to take it off again.

He glowered at them all then, turned towards Shane and kissed him on the cheek as he filled up his own Anya faced coffee mug. 

He shooed shane away from the stove and took over making pancakes. This was it was one of the few things he was better at cooking than Shane.

He fed all of the ladies first making sure there were plenty to go around. Then he made a couple of tiny pancakes for Anya, which he topped with a dollop of whipped cream and blueberries. Lastly he made Shane, a few heart-shaped pancakes, with blueberries.

He brought the pancakes over to Shane and instead of sitting in the open chair at the end of the table. He plopped right onto Shane's lap.

Shane kissed him gently and the two shared their plate of pancakes. It wasn't long before the questions began.

Ilya had just gone through something similar with the Centaurs. But the wags had more knowledge than Ilya's teammates and surprisingly fewer boundaries.

Ilya had meant it when he told Shane to share whatever he felt comfortable with in this group. It was just surprising how much he was apparently comfortable with sharing. 

They knew a lot of very specific details but also had huge gaps in their knowledge. And so their questions were pointed and they dug right into exactly they wanted to know. 

Ilya sat back and watched Shane be so at ease. He knew there were very few people he could feel like this around. Ilya couldn't help but imagine the rest of his team here. He wished Shane could be a true part of this team.

“Okay I gave the boys a 10 minute timer to ask whatever crazy questions they had. Do you want the same deal?”

“Eh, we already know the crazy stuff.” Cassie said, waving him off.

"Oh really? Luca asked me who topped, do you know that?" Ilya countered

Selena continued “Yeah Jane already told us his favorite positions you can't really be a giver and ride someone. He also gave us tips on restraints and we know you like it when he sticks a finger up your ass.” Ilya's eyebrows shot all the way up.

“Hey! WAG chat privacy!” Shane barked turning bright red.

“We wanna know all the boring shit now!” Lisa said, leaning forward.

“Ah we love boring” Ilya said warmly hugging his arms tighter around Shane.

“Okay when did this all start?” Cassie first asked.

Shane looked at Ilya “It's always been him. We met at world juniors. Then we saw each other again at the draft, that night we bumped into each other in the gym. He was my gay awakening that night.”

“My bisexual awakening was the movie Atlantis, everyone was hot in that movie.”

“Oh my god is the start of your glasses thing?” Shane said putting the pieces together. Ilya just smiled widely.

“Okay who made the first move?” Selena asked pointing a fork full of pancakes back and forth between the two.

“Me, I asked for him to be apart of our first CCM commercial so I could see him again.”

“Awwwww that's so sweet” cooed Caitlyn.

Shane snorted “It's a lot less sweet when you learn his big move was jacking off at me in the showers afterwards. Pervert.” 

“HEY! It worked, didn't it.”

“I didn't say I wasn't a pervert too.” Shane said smugly around a bite full of eggs.

“Jane I mean Shane, god that's gonna take a while to get used to. Said you guys were casual for a long time before you got serious, what changed things.”

“You have to swear on the sanctity of WAG talk.” Shane said seriously.

They all raised their right hands and placed their other over their heart.

“Scott Hunter.” Shane and Ilya said in unison.

“He made us see that it could be possible to really be together and still play hockey.”

“He can never know how much I respect him. It would kill me.” Ilya said solemnly

“It's okay Shane thinks he's hot” Harris chimed in.

Shane groaned and thumped his head on the table. Then as if on queue Shane's phone began to ring, it was Yuna. 

He excused himself from the room to take the call. All eyes turned to Ilya. 

Harris grabbed his arm “Quick before he gets back, tell us what happened. We knew he was planning on coming out to his co-workers. Which we now know are the fucking metros. And then we got radio silence until he came out to us. Something must have happened.” 

Ilya took a big, deep breath, looked at them and said softly “They broke his heart.” 

He told them how they have ignored him since a talked to them. How he's hoping things will be okay when Shane goes back on Monday. But Ilya was terrified that Shane's shitty fucking team was going to ruin hockey for him.

Shane was gone for a while but he came back from his phone call smiling.

“Mom says hi and wanted me to remind you that you promised to come over and help Dad with his car tonight after dinner.” Shane then took his seat in Ilya's lap.

“You two are disgusting together.”

“Ilya Rozanov, making nice with his future in-laws, I never thought I'd see the day.”

“He's their favorite child unfortunately.”

Ilya just smiled smugly and squeezed his Shane closer to him. "Yes, I am irresistible to Hollanders."

The WAGs spend the rest of the morning with Shane and Ilya. They chatted, gossiped and drank way to much coffee. When they finally left Shane turned to Ilya and says “Today was perfect. But it made me realize something though.”

“What my love?” 

“As much as I love being a Metro I don't know if I can stay there. Seeing how great things are with the Centaurs made me realize, it's never going to be like this with them. I'm going to give my team some time and if things aren't at least starting to get better... I think I want to talk to Farrah about transferring.”

Chapter 13: Demon Dog from Ghostbusters

Chapter Notes

Thank you for you patience! Once again my life is crazy and full of drama.
Also I apologize for any typos I am sick and running soley on Caffeine and Dayquil.

Over the long weekend the WAGs had spoken to the team and told them that they had met Jane and they should quit while they're ahead.

And after asking for Ilya’s permission they talked to their husbands and boyfriends about how Jane had come out to his co-workers.

Everyone agreed it was time to finally bury the hatchet and support Jane. 

When Ilya walked into his locker room on Monday got a bear hug and a stack of apology letters. He definitely did not cry. Russians do not cry. He was so fucking proud of his team here couldn't wait to share their letters with Shane later today over FaceTime.

Shane wanted to cry after his practice as well, but for a completely different reason. No one spoke to him except JJ and Hayden. The whole team dynamic was off.

No one wanted to pass to him, no one else wanted to pair up with him for drills. Even Coach Theriault noticed this. But instead of telling the rest of the team to get their shit together, the asshole had them practice a new line which didn't include Shane. Shane was unofficially benched while Theriault “just wanted to mess around with a new idea.”

They were fucking pushing him out. After a decade and three cups they owed him so much better than this. It was bullshit but there wasn't much Shane could do. If he complained, who would he even complain to? And besides they would just call him a bitch. 

Shane looked at his phone which he never did during practices. Ilya had texted just a simple message.

Ilya♥️:

👍 or 👎?

Shane:

👎

He bit his tongue and watched practice finish up. They didn't even wait for him to get up to join the team before dismissing everyone. 

He walked into the locker room and the chatter silenced. He took off his gear and headed to the showers. Everyone in there turned off their water and left immediately.

It was clear that this wasn't going to get better. It was already a million times worse. Shane kept his head down and got out of there as fast as possible. He was trying really hard to not cry as all of his faith in his team crumbled. 

He slammed the door on his way out of the locker room and again when he walked ouy of the rink. JJ and Hayden chased him down in the parking lot. They approached him but he didn't want to look at them.

They hadn't ignored him or shut him out like the rest of the team. But they also hadn't done anything to stop it. He climbed into his car and slammed his car door on them. They blocked his way and wouldn't let him leave until they spoke with him. Finally Shane unlocked the doors and let the two climb in. 

Hayden started to speak. He was cut off "Shut up, we'll talk at my place. I can't do this while I'm driving." The three sat in silence while Shane drove back to his place.

A few minutes later they pulled into the garage and saw that there was already another car parked and waiting. Shane felt something release in his chest. Of course he was here. Of course him came. He was so fucking perfect.

As soon as Ilya had gotten the “👎” he left practice early and got on the road to be in Montreal by the time Shane got home. 

Shane looked at JJ and Hayden in the back seat. “JJ I don't have the energy to explain any of this but I swear to god if you're not cool about this I'll punch you in the face.” As the large garage door closed the inner door to the house opened and Ilya Rozanov came out.

Shane climbed out of the car and melted into his fiance's arms. All of the emotions he had been holding back came rushing out. Ilya kissed Shane tenderly. Then he lifted him easily as Shane wrapped himself around Ilya like a Koala. Ilya started carrying him inside.

Before he stepped fully  inside he turned back “Pike, grab his gear and order pizza from our usual place, you know what we like” then he and Shane disappeared inside. 

JJ sat mouth open staring at the doorway for quite a while. Hayden let him sit with all of this information as he finished placing an online pizza order. After a few false starts and some stuttering JJ finally turned towards Hayden.

“YOU KNEW?!?” 

“Yeah and I have already promised Roz I would help hide a body so be careful what you say next.”

“But we all hate him! Especially Shane, his whole career is practically built on it!”

“Yeah not exactly, they've been together-ish the whole time. And he's an asshole for sure. But we don't hate him. Ilya and Shane are Amber's godparents. He's family at this point.” 

“It's just seriously that's who Shane chooses? Sweet, shy, golden boy Shane? Rozanov the partier, the playboy, the arrogant asshole? I just can't see it. Why not someone more like him?”

“They are disgustingly in love. And Shane fell for the Ilya who is great with kids, the Ilya who loves his dog a stupid amount, the Ilya who worships the ground Shane walks on, the Ilya who does puzzles with Shane's dad and bakes with Shane's mom. Ilya Rozanov is a menace on the outside and very mushy on the inside.”

Hayden then proceeded to open up a locked folder “Uncle Lily” on his phone. He showed JJ pictures of Ilya wearing a crown and having his makeup done by one of the twins, Ilya sitting reading Arthur his favorite book, Shane & Ilya asleep on the couch piled under the kids, Ilya wearing a face mask and drinking wine with Jackie. The pictures went on and on painting a very different picture of Ilya Rozanov than what was portrayed in the media. 

“Well shit, I guess he's not going anywhere is he. This doesn't seem like a wait-it-out situation.”

“No, considering Shane proposed to him not to long ago, I think he's gonna be sticking around.”

“He what???” 

“Yup it was romantic as hell, when he tells you about it watch Rozanov's face he definitely almost cries every time Shane talks about it. He's gonna cry like a big Russian baby at the wedding."

"Fuck. I guess I should get the know Shane's fiance."

The two climbed out of the car and started to open the door to the house. Suddenly Hayden spun around “Oh wait I almost forgot to mention, their dog Anya.”

“They have a dog? What about her? And is she vicious or something?”

“No, she's the sweetest, smartest dog around. She's just really really really fricken weird looking.”

“What?”

“She ugly she looks like a scruffy version of the creepy demon dogs in Ghostbusters. But those two idiots love her and you have to be nice about her, Shane will go nuts if another person calls her ugly.”

They stepped through the door and were greeted by the furry gremlin herself. Hayden watched JJ's face trying not to laugh. JJ wasn't the biggest fan of dogs in the first place and this one was definitely a step too far. 

Hayden opened the closet and put Shane's gear bag away and tipped off his shoes placing them on the shoe rack. He began wandering into the kitchen to grab a couple glasses and the bottle of vodka he knew Roz hid in the back of the freezer. 

Shane was on the couch wrapped in a blanket and with Anya back in her spot. Ilya had stepped out of the room briefly. Hayden sat down next to Shane and JJ sat across from him on a nearby chair. Hayden handed Shane a glass of vodka, he downed it.

Ilya wandered back in from a nearby office hold a stack of mail and handed it to Shane. There were at least a dozen envelopes all labeled To: Jane.

Ilya kissed the top of his head. “Your girlfriends warned their husbands to surrender after the met you. Apparently they all listened, we are all horribly whipped on this team.”

Shane looked at the stack and started laughing. He opened them one by one and began to read them all. JJ and Hayden sat nearby looking confused.

Ilya stepped in to explain “Montreal Jane joined the WAGs a while ago and when they said mean things about our daughter, Shane went Momma Bear on them all all and has been tormenting the entire team.”

“Oh god did they get in a prank war with Shane” JJ said eyes wide looking back at Shane. "That never goes well."

“A war implies that they retaliated, they didn't even know who I was.” Shane said with a spark of mischief in his eyes. 

“It was definitely not a war, maybe some war crimes were committed though. What does the Geneva Convention say about weaponized glitter?” Ilya commented snorting. 

“So what are those?”

“White flags, the spoils of war, they are handwritten apology letters from the remaining Centaurs and WAGs.” Shane said grinning

“Moy lyubimyy, now that they've surrendered what are you going to do with all the rest of the stuff? We just got two more boxes of stuff delivered yesterday.”

“Don't you worry your pretty little head about that, I have a plan still.” Shane said smiling finally, patting Ilya on the side of his face. 

JJ sat there looking between the two and could see the love they had for each other. Ilya was acting softer than he had ever seen in interviews or on the ice.

And Shane seemed to have fully let his guard done which is something he had only ever seen once or twice in the years he had known Shane. Hayden was right they were disgustingly in love.

Shane finished reading the first letter and set it down on the table. He looked to Ilya who had been reading over his shoulder.

“I think this just made everything crystal clear for me.”

Ilya beamed and kissed Shane solidly “Really?”

“I think so, yeah.”

They sat their foreheads touching. 

 Hayden nodded towards it “I'm curious now, can I?”

“Of course” Shane said while leaning back into Ilya's chest.

Jane,

You win.

I want to sincerely apologize for any disrespect or insult that Anya, Ilya or you felt because of my comments and actions. I should not have compared your sweet, talented Anya to a troll doll with a bad hair day. She is a one in a million dog and although she may not look like a traditional dog she is very striking and I have truly grown to appreciate her beauty inside and out. 

Additionally I wanted to make sure you understand just how much we appreciate everything you have done to support our Captain. Cassie cannot say enough wonderful things about you before and after she knew your true identity. My hope is someday soon you'll be comfortable enough to trust us as a team with yourself. I'm sorry that your co-workers couldn't be supportive of you. But know that you will always have acceptance and family here in Ottawa.

Sincerely,

Zane Boodram

 

PS You're not getting any of the swag back Milo has decided he loves everything Anya.

“Holy shit dude what did you do to this team? You didn't icy hot jock them all did you?” JJ said.

“No they got Anya'ed” Ilya stated proudly.

“They called our baby girl ugly and then everything around them suddenly had her face on it. When I bought the kids their birthday plushies I was inspired and bought pretty much everything I could possibly put her face on.”

“We have Anya blankets, pillows, pajamas, I ate many many Anya cookies, I even have my own travel sized Anya for roadtrips.”

Ilya proudly showed a picture of him & Shane in their matching Anya pajama sets and Anya wear her own Ilya jammies.

JJ just looked to Shane “You have completely domesticated him.”

Shane snorted "Other way round dude, he begged me to take that picture. He wants it to be our first joint Christmas Card.”

“Fuck man, this is a trip, I have to completey change my frame of reference for you Rozanov.” JJ said staring at Ilya.

“Don't worry I'll still fucking crush you and you shitty team on the ice. I am planning on setting a sin bin record at our next game. Just trying to decide who to punch first.”

“ILYA” Shane said indigently smacking him solidly on the chest.

“Shhhhh you heard nothing kotik.” Ilya said, petting Shane's head gently.

“I'm not a fucking cat.” Swatting his hand away.

“Then put your claws away my love we have company.” Ilya said in the low way he knew Shane loved. 

They shared a heated look between them, both knowing if JJ & Hayden weren't here Shane would already be climbing into Ilya's lap.

Hayden broke tension speaking next “Word of warning to you JJ, when you're around these two always knock before you open a door. Any door, bathroom, coat closet, pantry, even your own goddamned bedroom. Fucking idiots.”

“We apologized for that years ago, you gotta let it go dude.” Shane said blushing a little. 

“In our defense you weren't supposed to be home for at least another hour. And considering our sex life it could have been much much worse.” Ilya said, smirking taking a drink of his vodka.

JJ went red and downed the rest of his drink as well. The pizzas arrived not long after Ilya pulled out a salad Shane had in his fridge and brought that over to appease Shane as long as he agreed to have a slice of pizza as well.

The four spent the rest of the evening playing Mario Kart and chirping at each other. Hayden and JJ finally headed out feeling better about Shane's mental state. They gave him a few words of encouragement. Saying how it was bound to get better and the rest of the guys just needed time.

What they didn't know was that Shane's bettered attitude had more to do with the letters from the Centaurs.

Shane felt secure in his decision to leave Montreal now. The only question was if he could find his was over to Ottawa where his team and his future husband were waiting for him.

Chapter 14: The Entire Event Has Been Anya'ed

The next few weeks are rough they are almost finished with the season so after talking with Farrah and Yuna they decided to wait. Shane is able to make it through because he knows the end is near. He doesn't feel the same pain when he's ignored he just knows it will make his leaving all the easier. He spent more and more time on the bench, there were rumors of him having an injury because that was the only logical reason to bench Hollander. 

At the next game between the Centaurs and the Metros it was a blood bath. No one except Troy and Ilya knew why they hated the other team so much. But they were more than willing to support their Captain in his violence. The Centaurs were known for being not a winning team, but they were known as a courteous team. They weren't usually involved in fights or penalties. 

This game was different. They were playing dirty. Ilya hadn't played this aggressively since Boston. He was throwing elbows, tripping people with his stick, he started a few fight and left a fair number of the Metros teeth on the ice. A few players were hit hard and there were more fights during this game than they had had in their entire season. 

Shane was finally pulled off the bench during the third period. Everything changed, Captain Rozanov told everyone to back off of Hollander. He and Shane were locked in on eachother. Ilya was not going to go easy on Shane but he never needed to. Shane was on fire he had something to prove, he wanted the Metros to know what they were losing. Within the first 30 seconds of ice time Shane and Hayden had scored the team’s first points. 

They still lost though they were way to far behind at that point and too many players were injured to continue putting up much of a fight. The game was almost up when Ilya heard Mitty say something to Shane after Troy slipped past him and scored the next goal.

“Are you fucking kidding me Hollander? You too busy staring at his dick to focus on the puck, fucking f..."

Ilya saw red Shane had been holding this fucking team together and this is how they treated him. How fucking dare they.

Ilya dropped gloves and ruthlessly tacked the goalie and they hit the ground hard. It was an unwritten rule to never mess with another teams goalie. Miitka never saw it coming. Ilya pulled off the other man's helmet and began to rain punches down on him.

The Metros all turned shocked by the viciousness and piled on. Before the refs could do anything both teams were fighting. This was not the usual sanctioned fight with rules and safety measures in place.

This was an old fashioned brawl. Even Hayes came over from the other goal to join in. Ilya looked around and saw his team blindly following him into battle.

They had no idea why he snapped but they didn't care he loved this team so god damned much.

The crowd went absolutely wild. By the end pretty much everyone who had been on the ice was in the penelty box. Ilya sat exhausted and smiling on the bench after being ejected from the game.

When asked about the fight at a post game interview all he said was “Worth it” and winked at the camera. 

Shane had climbed Ilya like a tree when he got back to his place later that night. He did not condone the violence but damn his man was hot when he punched homophobes.

They made it as far as the kitchen counter before Shane was bent over whimpering and begging for Ilya to fuck him.

They cleaned themselves up a little and started towards the upstairs bathroom for a shower, which took a detour on the stairs for round two. Finally collapsed in bed after their shower and round three. 

Both the Metros and the Centaurs were out of the playoffs after just a few games, the Metros were out first Ilya proudly pointed out.

But now was the time to take action. Immediately after their final game of the season Shane shot off the emails he had drafted at the beginning of then playoffs.

The first one was to Farrah explaining his situation, the Ilya of it all included. She was calling him within 5 minutes of the email. There was a lot to discuss.

The second email was to Yuna he didn't want her to completely turn against his team until he was sure he was done. Yuna Hollander received a document with carefully documented reports of every homophobic, racist, sexist incident or comment the team, coaches and management had made towards him. If there was going to be a fight he was going to fully equip his best weapon, Yuna Hollander.

The third email was sent directly to Coach Wiebe setting up a meeting between the two of them for the next day. It wasn't necessarily standard protocol but Shane knew where he wanted to go and he wasn't going to take no for an answer. 

Shane to work hard to hide his smile when he was called into a meeting with Montreal's Management later that week. This wasn't going to be good but it certainly wasn't going to go the way management thought it was. 

They sat across from Shane and made claims about how his performance this year had taken a dip. How they wanted to push their new up and coming rookie into starting lineups.

Shane sat and bit his tongue. Then his contract came up in conversation. He was free agent right now and if he wanted to stay with the Metros he was going to have to take a serious pay cut.

He listened to them drone on and on. He thought back to his meeting with Wiebe and how different it was. Where Theriault was harsh and cold, Wiebe was kind and welcoming.

Wiebe had hardly been able to hide his excitement at the idea of Shane moving to the Centaurs. He was working so hard to figure out how to make the numbers work, Shane finally waved him off his calculator and told him that was the least of his concerns and his agent would handle it.

Shane had to hide his smirk when Wiebe brought up Ilya Rosanov. He brought up how well they had played together at their All Stars game in 2017. Wiebe talked about how much Rozanov had grown as a Captain, how he wasn't as wild as his reputation.

Wiebe also made it clear that Ilya wasn't about to be pushed out of the team, or out of his Captainhood. That even if Shane signed with them he would have to earn his place if he wanted the Captains spot here.

It was clear that this team loved and respected Ilya as much as he loved  and respected them. Shane smiled and nodded saying he understood.

Shane took a deep breath, here it goes “There is one other matter to discuss before Farrah sends over paperwork.”

“And what is that?”

“Well a big reason I have chosen to leave the Metros is because of how they have handled me coming out as gay.”

Wiebe's eyebrows lifted at this and he sat back in his chair releaved“Oh, thank god!”

“What?” this was not at all the reaction Shane had been expecting.

“I was worried maybe the rumors about a potential career ending injury were true! A bum knee, almost ruined shoulder or head trauma.”

“Nope they're just homophobic assholes.” Shane said laughing nervously.

“Well if thats it, where do we sign?” He stood up reaching out a hand to shake with Shane.

“Well there's one more matter to discuss…uh I am engaged and we are planning to come out soon.”

“Oh wow Congratulations! I can't wait to meet the lucky man!”

“That's kinda the thing, you already know him.” Shane said smiling and blushing a little.

“Oh?”

“Yeah I don't think you're going to have to worry about Rosanov and I not getting along.” Shane said grinning.

Weibe sat back down with a plop “Oh, oh wow, I did not see that one coming. You are full of surprises Mr. Hollander"

“Shane, please. But I promise that we will be professionals and we have never let our relationship get in the way of playing great hockey…” Shane was suddenly cut off by a Wiebe letting out a sharp laugh.

“OH MY GOD THIS MEANS YOU'RE JANE!” He flipped around his coffee mug around to show Anya's face.

Shane groaned and hid his face. “That may not be my most professional moment.”

Weibe was cackling laughing at this realization. Shane knew for sure that this was the team he needed to be apart of.

He was brought back to the situation at hand when Theriault spoke up “Hollander do you understand?”

“I get the gist.” He said sharply.

Management opened a drawer and passed him a folder. It had an offer letter which detailed him losing his Captaincy, taking an extreme pay cut and being moved to the second line.

He barely glanced at it. He closed the folder and passed it back. “Sorry but I've already accepted an offer elsewhere. Just waiting to speak with you before it was announced publicly.”

“Where? No one has the budget for you.” Theriault snapped back

“I took a pay cut” He glanced back down at the offer letter "And it was bigger than what you suggested and I'm not gonna be taking the C there either. That should make it perfectly clear how ready I am to separate myself from this organization."

"I had planned on retiring here, winning more cups here, leaving my legacy here. But this past season since coming out it has been made clear to me that this organization is not worth my investment. I'm only sorry I didn't realize how truly despicable you were earlier in my career.

Now that this is over I have already cleared out my locker. I look forward to crushing my replacement with my new team in the coming season.”

Shane left the office without shaking anyone's hand or so much as a second glance. He made his way to the parking lot and climbed into a very recognizable bright orange McLaren waiting for him. Ilya did a burnout in the parking lot and sped home.

There was one more catch to Shane signing with the Centaurs; he wanted to be the one to announce the move to his new team.

Nothing was going to be made public until he told them. Yuna, David and Ilya were the only ones outside of Management who knew.

Ilya was thrilled at the idea of surprising the team. There had been a very heated discussion about which part they were going to announce first. Shane is Jane or Shane is a Centaur.

Ilya wanted to have Shane join the team and then see how long it took for them to realize they were a couple. Shane wanted to reveal Jane first. That was the big secret and he also wanted to reward the team for all their letters. 

In the end Shane won, he usually did. He did have to resort to some very ‘below the belt’ negotiation tactics. They would announce Shane is Jane first.

But they also agreed that they would almost immediately tell them about him joining the team. The most obvious place to do all of this was at a big gathering of all the Centaurs.

Shane & Ilya sent out invitations to a “Meet Jane BBQ” to the Centaurs. Shane sent out the invites on Anya notecards.

Yuna helped get everything together for the party caterers, table rentals and even a sound system. It was pretty clear she was treating this like a trial run for their wedding. Shane knew better than to get in the way of her planning.

The one thing Shane wouldn't even discuss with her was the decorations, every time she brought it up he just kept saying “I got it!”

There was a clear theme to it all, the entire event had been Anya'ed.

There were Anya plates, cups, napkins, banners, balloons, table covers, every surface was covered in Anya's crazy eyed little face. Shane also special ordered more Anya cookies and sculpted near life size Anya cake from his favorite bakery. He used up everything Anya he had left in his stash. 

Shane looked around at what he had done and realized it was definitely waaay too much. Then Ilya walked in back from taking Anya for a run. He was so excited at every little detail. He was proudly showing Anya everything with her face on it. Yup it was definitely too much, but it was also perfect. 

Yuna walked in and was absolutely flabbergasted, she stood frozen for a few moments mouth open. "SHANE HUDSON HOLLANDER WHAT ON EARTH HAVE YOU DONE!" 

Shane walked into the main room, looked at her face and doubled over laughing.

Yup it was perfect and absolutely psychotic.

People started arriving at the Cottage the Pike's and JJ were the first to arrive. They weren't on the Centaurs but they heard about the party and really wanted to witness Shane's chaos.

The kids loved it immediately; they were running all over pointing at everything. Their laughter filled the house. Jackie took in the madness in stride and joined Ilya in the living room. 

Shane came over and handed the guys each an Anya tie. Hayden and JJ now definitely knew their friend was out of his mind.

Hayden looked to Jackie for help. She was already wearing sweatshirt with Anya on it and was putting an Anya hat onto Amber.

Ilya was busy applying sleeves of temporary tattoos onto the twins and Arthur. 

Harris, Troy and Chirion came in next. Chirion was given an Anya bandana. And Shane and Harris were all cracking up at how nuts this all was.

Eventually the rest of the Centaurs started to arrive. The WAGs had texted Shane when they were on their way. He made himself scarce and once again hid himself in the kitchen. 

He smirked to himself when he heard them start to arrive. There were a series of groans, cackling laughs and stings of expletives. Ilya and Harris were also sending him pictures of all their faces. It was fucking perfect.

The ladies had worked hard to coordinate all arriving about the same time to minimize the risk of Shane being discovered prematurely.

Each of the WAGs took on the responsibility of picking up one of the single teammates to make sure they were on time. As the Centaurs gathered in the living room they kept looking around the room. Trying to get a clue of who Jane was but all they saw was Anya's scraggly snaggle toothed crazy little face. 

They just needed Tanner Dillon arrive he had gone rouge. But Dilly had decided he should bring a gift that morning. So he went into town at the last minute to grab something and got stuck in construction traffic on the way back. 

Shane was getting antsy waiting in the Kitchen he was about to just go for it and forget about Dillon. That's when he heard a short sharp yelp from the kitchen doorway.

Luca Haas froze pointing “You're him! Oh my god Jane!”

There was no denying it. He and Ilya were wearing matching Anya patterned button ups.

“Yeah I am.” Shane said smiling warmly reaching a hand out to shake.

Then poor Luca fainted, Luca had been so nervous he had woken up extra early for an intense workout, on top of that he hadn't eaten all morning. 

The poor boy went down hard. Everyone else was in the living room it was just Shane and Luca.

So Shane went into Captain mode and knelt down next to Luca. Luckily he hadn't hit his head at all just fainted. Shane scooped him up like a rag doll and rushed him into the next room “Baby your little rookie passed out!”

He called out as he made his way to the couch. Ilya cleared a spot for him and started directing people. Hayden ran off to grab a glass of water and a wetted towel. Dr. Lisa jumped in to access the situation. 

Luca was coming back to reality pretty much as soon as he was set down on the couch. But he was still in a bit of shock from being surprised by one of his childhood heroes, not to mention realizing that said childhood hero was engaged to his Captain and other childhood hero. 

Luca sat quietly and was given a glass of water to sip on as well as an Anya cookie to get his blood sugar back up. The real Anya also came over and laid herself across his lap. Luca sat and petted her quietly. Slowly everyone settled. 

“You okay kid?” Shane said still sitting right next to him. “Um yeah, I think, just a bit confused.” Ilya sat leaning around Shane, resting his head on his fiancés shoulder “About what?” 

Luca opened his mouth, looked between the two, blushed and just took another bite of his cookie instead. Zane Boodram silently raised his hand. 

“Yes Boody?” Ilya said smugly.

“Has Shane Hollander, three time Stanley Cup Champion, Captain of the Montreal Metros been torturing us with pictures of your dog for the last few months?” 

“No” 

“Huh?”

“Shane Hollander, my fiance, has been tormenting you with pictures of our precious baby.” Ilya said reaching over to pet Anya who was still on Luca's lap.

Shane Hollander just giggled. “Once again this is not how we pictured this going but I'm glad you're okay Luca, concussing the rook isn't the best way to make a good impression on the team.”

“Can we circle back to the whole Shane Hollander broke into my hotel room, our locker room, glitterbombed my house and defaced my car.”

“It's too bad you all gave in so soon, I had such big plans.” Shane said wistfully.

“What more could you possibly have put her face on?”

Shane smiled wildly “I had a quote from a man who owns the billboard across from the stadium, I also was toying with the idea of a TV ad during one of the games, oh and Harris was talking about this cool local street artist that does amazing and huge spray paint murals.”

“Jesus Christ you're certifiably insane” Zane said wide eyed.

“Yeah he is, and he's all mine so back off.” Ilya said wrapping is arms around Shane pulling him into an over dramatic smacking kiss on the cheek.

All of the Centaurs were very quiet as they all sat down a little wide eyed. Harris giggled walked over and snapped a picture of them all sitting there with dumbfounded looks on their faces. 

A quiet voice spoke up “So when Lisa told me about how your co-workers were being homophobic jerks…”

“Yuuup” Shane said popping the “p” sound at the end. 

“I would like to note that not all of his teammates are assholes!” JJ said.

“Not anymore!” Ilya said smiling.

“What the fuck is that supposed to mean Rozanov?” Hayden shouted

Jackie, Shane and Ilya called out “Swear Jar!” in unison. 

Hayden very maturely stuck his tongue out at them. 

Then the usual barrage of questions began. The couple were used to it by now. But there really weren't that many questions given the fact that the Centaurs got all of their craziest questions out of the way already.

The biggest question was turned around on the Caitlin by Dykstra “How could you not tell us! You could have at least told me! I'm your husband! I feel so betrayed.”

“Sorry, the first rule of WAG chat is not talking about what is said during WAG chat.” Caitlin said rolling her eyes at her over dramatic hubby.

Yuna broke up the questioning by announcing food was ready. She brought a plate over to the couch. Ilya reached out for it assuming it was for him. Yuna swatted his hand away “It's for Luca!” she said sharply.

Shane snorted “Sucks not being the favorite doesn't it.” Yuna shooed the boys away and sat taking Luca under her wing making sure he was fed and feeling better.

After Yuna learned about everything that happened with the Metros, she was determined to make sure that the environment at the Centaurs was different.

Part of that was her deciding to be more of a mom than a manager. She was determined to take care of both of her boys...and now maybe a couple others as well. Luca seemed like he also needed a mother's touch. 

Once she was certain all the boys were taken care of she made her exit and let her boys enjoy the rest of the party. The Pikes and JJ headed out soon after the kids were getting fussy and it was going to be a long drive back to Montreal from the cottage. 

Ilya and the rest of the team were all playing Mario Kart. Shane found himself surrounded by the WAGs on the back patio. The wine was flowing outside and the beer was flowing inside.

Everyone was having a great time. They were all chatting like old friends the Centaurs had been so quick to accept him. It was honestly more of a shock that he had been the one pranking them, then the fact he and Ilya was engaged.

Sitting by a fire on the was peacufult. But soon everyone noticed that Shane had been quiet for a little while. Harris came back from grabbing another cider and scooted in squished up next to him.

“What's going on bud?” Harris said, noticing the look on his face.

Shane's lip wobbled “I was so excited about everything, I didn't stop to ask if I could still be a WAG, I don't wanna not be one of the girls.” His eyes were a little fuzzy and wine drunk but also starting to shine with building tears.

“Janey of course your a WAG! Once a WAG always a WAG, your in for life baby.” Selena said moving to hug Shane.

“Are you sure?”

“Of course nothing has changed sweetie.”

Shane sucked in a breath “Yes it has though, everything is changing."

All of the ladies piled onto the couch and hugged him.

“How can I be a WAG if I'm on the team?” He said snuffling.

Harris popped up “What?!”

He grabbed Shane on either side of the face “What did you just say???”

“How can I be an Ottawag now that I'm on the team?” Shane whined out again. 

The ladies all froze processing what he had just said. “You're gonna be a Centaur???” Harris whispered.

Shane stiffened up realizing what he had just said. He just lifted a finger to his lips “Shhhhh that's the other surprise” he said slurring a little.

Then he started giggling and all the ladies screeched around him piling on top of him. 

This drew the attention of all the guys inside. They wander out find a mass of wine drunk screeching WAGs.

“I would be jealous but I know Shane is super gay so I know this isn't doing anything for him.” Ilya said sipping on his beer.

"I'm regular gay asshole!"

“What exactly is happening, do you think?” Wyatt Hayes said peaking out the backdoor

The pile of ladies shrieked back “WAG CODE!”

Then Cassie sat straight up “Holy shit guys I just realized something!”

She dove back into the pile and started whispering wildly. 

All of the WAGs sat up grinning and looked back at Ilya. Shane groaned “Nooooooooo! I don't wanna share!”

Caitlin piped in “It's only fair! NO WAGS LEFT BEHIND!” 

They all charged and grabbed Ilya giggling wildly dragging him over to the couch with them all. He sat confused and then Cassie whispered something into his ear.

The biggest shit eating grin appeared on his face as he stared down a pouting Shane. Ilya's face just smiled brighter. 

“Idi syuda, moya krasivyy zhena” Shane finally said in very poor Russian. Ilya a little tipsy himself gave Shane a filthy kiss. The ladies around them all burst out laughing and wolf whistling. 

The team was still standing in the doorway confused Zane finally spoke up again “Guys what on earth is going on??”

“Ilya is apparently officially a WAG, even if I don't wanna share.” Shane said still wrapped up in Ilya's arms. 

“You can't just make him a WAG just because he's gay!" Boyle said loudly.

“HEY! Don't call my fiance gay! He's Bisexual!” Shane said wagging his finger at the group.

“Does that mean I can be a WAG?!” Troy called out hopefully. 

“And of course not! You're dating Harris not dating another player Barrett!”

“Shane is a Metro that doesn't count, you should be a Metro WAG”

“Wrong-o buckaroo! I told them to shove it, they're a bunch of buttholes.” Shane was definitely drunk. 

“You what???” Luca Haas said.

“They wanted to give me a pay cut, take my C and drop me to second line. So told them to fuck off. Then I took an even bigger paycut, gave up my C voluntarily and decided I would rather play on a team I actually liked.” Shane said smiling brightly and downed the remaining wine in his glass.

He stood up and unbuttoned his shirt revealing a Centaurs jersey underneath. He turned around to reveal the name on the back “Hollander 24” 

Ilya slapped his ass playfully and turned towards the team “You motherfuckers ready to win a cup this year!”

The rest of the evening was an absolutely wild party. Shane has never been one to party but the biggest thing holding him back was his fear of letting his secrets slip if he got too drunk.

But surrounded by the Centaurs there were no secrets just him, his smoking hot man and some very easy to drink wine. 

The music echoed over the lake the living room turned into a dance floor. The alcohol seemed to never run out. And after Shane mentioned that everyone could stay over for the night there was nothing holding anyone back from getting absolutely smashed.

Ilya was sitting staring at the fire pit. He had had this thought stuck in his head for a while now. And once the weed came out it seemed like a better and better idea. He pulled out his phone and called “The Hot Pike 🥵” Jackie answered right away. 

“Hey Ilya you're on speaker in the car so behave.” 

“Boooooo take me off and I'll be more fun. ”

“Okay Hayden is driving anyways just give me a second.”

There was a clicked and Jackie's voice came through much more clearly. 

“What's going on?”

“I want you to add me to the Metro WAG ladies group. I have a lot to say to them.”

“Oh” Jackie laughed. “I don't think that would be a good idea, I think you'd end up getting Shaney in trouble. Plus I'm pretty sure your hammered. Bad combo."

“He made his own trouble already, I just want to get some things off my tits. Pleeeeeeasaase Jackie!”

“Hahahaha off your chest you mean.”

“Ehh same thing, but really I want to say things before Shane leaves.”

Jackie freezes, her head snaps to Hayden wide eyed. “Before what?”

“Oh that's right you don't know yet, I definitely need to talk to the WAGs. Added me please and I'll tell you alllllllllllll bout it.”

“Ilya can I talk to Shane?”

“Nooooo he's busy dancing on the dining room table with Anya. Pleeeeeeasaase add me! I promise it will be very entertaining, I won't get you into too trouble and you can be the one to kick me out as soon as I say what I wanna say, pleeaaase.”

“I know I'm gonna regret this but fine.”

“Your definitely the best Pike Jackie, I owe you soooo many favors, thank you, thank you, thank you!"

REAL HOUSEWIVES OF MONTREAL 

Jackie:

Hey so I know it's the off season but I have someone to add… I'm almost certain this is a terrible idea but fuck it.

— Lily has been added to the chat —

Ashley Taylor: 

Oooooooo fresh meat

Brittney Comeau: 

Who's the lucky man???

Megan Wilson: 

Finally!!

Lauren Koch: 

Hello and welcome!

Stephanie Miitka: 

Yay!

Andrea Drapeau: 

Hey lady!

Lily:

First off I am not here to make friends so don't bother being nice I already hate you all 💋

Except Jackie 🥰 you are an angel for putting up with your idiot husband

I am here to get some shit straight

Well not straight, my baby Shane is far from straight.

Britteny:

Woah woah woah hold on now!

Lily:

Nope!

Sit down and shut up daddy is talking 🤫

Lauren:

Who the fuck do you think you are bitch?

Lily:

Oh I know exactly who the fuck I am

It's you who has no idea who you fucking with

Jackie:

Fuck this is so much worse than I thought it would be.

Please babe tone it down just a little. 

Lily:

Love you Jacks but no 😇🖕 I have soooooo many things I need to say and none of them are nice 😘

Andrea:

Jesus Christ this is who Shane fucking picks. Goody two shoes Hollander what the fuck.

Lily:

Shane is very good boy for me, I am very bad boy for him 😈 and he fucking loves it

Okay now shut the fuck up and let me speak so I can leave this disgusting group ASAP!

Your piece of shit husbands and team (except Hayden & JJ they are good little boys) are all responsible for the biggest shit storm which is about to hit Montreal.

Shane Hollander, Mr. Metro, The Golden Boy of Hockey is leaving Montreal.

I hope you know exactly why this is happening and why you definitely deserve it. You should all leave your homophobic, racist and asshole boys over this. If you don't just know you are also a homophobic, racist, piece of shit. 

I have watched Shane struggle to fit in and feel safe in his own fucking locker room for years. He finally tries and this is how the fucking Metros repay him for all he has done for your shitty team. He made the Metros. 

They find out he's gay and in love with a man and they break his heart. I had to watch as the love of my life crumbled. I will never forgive a single member of this joke of a team for making Shane feel like he was worthless.

Then your fucking management offer him a joke of a contract and try to push him out, try to make him quit hockey. Once again the strongest man I know, my soul mate was crushed. 

You forgot one thing though.

He's Shane Motherfucking Hollander, he's the best in the world, he is hockey and you can't stop him from being everything he deserves to be. You will just miss out on being a part of it.

Fuck all of you, enjoy losing, enjoy knowing its all your fault and enjoy getting fucked harder than I fuck Shane, by the worst team in the league next season. 

Shane is home, Shane is loved and Shane will never get a chance to miss you. He's gonna be too busy conquering the fucking world.

Any questions bitches???

Good glad to see you know your place. Fuck off and die 🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕😘 I'm gonna go makeout with the hottest man in hockey.

— Lily has left the group —

Brittney:

Holy fuck

Lauren:

Really Jackie you know him and let him come in here and speak to all of us like that!!!

What an asshole I cannot believe the nerve of him. You need to tell us who the fuck “Lily” is so we can let our men ‘deal’ with him.

Jackie:

Okay first off your boys couldn't handle Lily if they tried 🤣 he is 6 feet and 100 kg of pure muscle. He make Shane look tiny 🥵

Secondly Lily has been there for me more than any of you ever have. He watches my kids regularly, he doordashes me my favorite dinner when he knows Hayden is gone, he loves people with all of his heart.

He and Shane are the godparents of my children. That beautiful, chaotic and insane man is family more than you could ever hope to be.

And if I hear anything homophobic from you or your boys. Just know that Lily also knows and he would do anything to protect the people he loves, including things that the law may frown upon and I will always be willing to give him an alibi.

I am only staying in this chat for emergency  related reasons. Don't bother contacting me unless my husband is bleeding out or you're willing to apologize to Shane.  

— Jackie Pike has muted this chat —   

Chapter 15: Demon Straight From Hell

Chapter Notes

Guys I'm sorry to say we've reached the end! I have had so so much fun writing this fic! So much that it quickly became my longest fic by far! And as a final farewell I wrote an extra long chapter for you all. Enjoy!

I can't thank everyone enough for all the kudos, comments and support!

The next week the news broke. Shane Hollander was leaving the Montreal Metros. Shane couldn't go anywhere or do anything without a camera in his face. So unfortunately he and Ilya had to keep some distance. They had deciede to reveal their relationship publicly after the wedding. That would be the safest option for Ilya and there was a different sorry breaking right now as well.

Yuna Hollander had put together a team of the best lawyers and compiled a devastating discrimination lawsuit against the Metros. Shane didn't want to drag Ilya into the middle of that chaos. There was some serious backlash already from Crowell. But he was stuck unable to do much without also being dragged into the lawsuit.

Yuna expected to them to settle quickly to avoid too much negative press. They had already sent her an offer which she promptly rejected. There was one big thing she was after Theriault. She wanted him fired as head coach and banned from involvement in the NHL.

So she was holding out, she had also begun wedding planning. Shane was banned from helping after his Anya'ed party she wasn't taking any chances. Ilya was very excited to be back to being the favorite child. Ilya had a lot of big ideas and was very excited to be involved. 

Shane meanwhile had to go back to Montreal to finish moving. Which was hard but it ultimately made things easier considering all the press and paparazzi.

Shane had decided to rent out his old place rather than sell it, it was a good investment. So he was working with his contractor to get it rental ready, new paint, new locks, a deep clean and touch up scratches in a few places where Anya had chewed.

He also had to decide what he was taking back to Ottawa, what was staying with the rental and what was being donate or sold. Combining households was exhausting. He was going to just pay movers to pack everything up but then it hit him, if he was moving in with Ilya they didn't need double the dishes or a second living room set. So he was stuck in Montreal for the week.

Hayden and JJ came over to help him pack up stuff. Unfortunately it was a complex process with Shane involved. There was a complex color coding system with different colors of tape, post its and stickers.

Blue was staying in Montreal, Green was going to Ottawa, Red was donate, Black was going into storage and Yellow was going to the Cottage.

Then all of the boxes had to be labeled with exactly what was inside of it and the room it needed to be placed in at its destination.

There was also a timeline of what items should be packed up when and in what order. Shane still needed to be able to stay here in the meantime and didn't want to pack up the necessities while he was still living in the apartment.  

Shane kept finding things in the wrong places. JJ kept missing the colored dots on items, he was starting to wonder if he was colorblind. Then he caught Hayden packing his blender into the bottom of a box with pots and pans. Not only was it in the wrong box it was also not time to pack it up yet, he needed for his post workout smoothies.

Eventually he gave up and sent them into his closet to pack up clothes. Those were all safe to pack, his entire wardrobe was going to Ottawa and he had already pulled out stuff for him to wear in the meantime. He would just have to not look to carefully at how they chose to fold things. 

Shane got busy going through stuff in his office. There was a bunch of paperwork from the Metros which needed to be shredded. He was also going through books deciding what to do with each individual one.

That's when he heard a scream from the bedroom. He rushed through the door and found JJ and Hayden laughing hysterically. That's when he remembered there was a bag in the back of the closet with extra Anya plushies in it.

He had learned after an incident with a limited edition stuffed Metros bear that it was important to have back ups. He had gifted one to each of the Pike kids and when one was lost it was a major meltdown.

Then because it was limited edition and collectors had taken to them the replacement bear had cost a small fortune. Now he always bought a couple extras just in case. He had completely forgotten about the Anyas. 

“I thought there was some sort of demon in your closet dude!”

“Seriously guys, she's not that scary. Bunch of babies.”

JJ picked one of them up “The eyes follow me wherever I go…are you sure there's not something demonic living inside of it like Annabelle?”

“Shut up assholes! Besides Hayden those are the backups for your kids! You get to take those home.”

“Fuck no!”

“You want another Bear-Bear incident?”

“Uuuuuugggghhh no, I'll go put them in my car. Locked in the trunk.”

Hayden took the toys outside to his car as well as a bag of garbage to the dumpsters.

He was back shortly “Dude I saw the fricken biggest rat I've ever seen in my life in the parking garage by the dumpsters! You'd better call an exterminator!”

Shane added that to his very long ever growing to-do list. They ordered food before going back to packing. He finished up the office and then heard the buzzer for food. The stupid button was broken so he had to go all the way down to get it instead of buzzing the delivery guy up. That also got added to his to-do list.

When he headed out of the lobby he swore he heard something shuffling around. He turned and fuck there was a photographer in the alleyway. Fucking paparazzi, he headed back inside quickly. 

The three ate lunch in peace while chatting and reminiscing about good times. About places and things Shane would miss. But Hayden & JJ were so proud of Shane for doing what was right for him. The other two were also considering trades to new teams, besides the obvious reasons to want to leave, they knew the team was going to go to shit now that Shane was gone. 

They were just about to get back to packing when his phone rang. It was Ilya. He stepped away to take the call. Hayden & JJ went back to packing in the meantime. 

“Hey baby”

“Privet, lyubov moya. How is packing with dumb and dumber? I wish you would let me come and help.”

“Ugh, they are kinda helpful. And I wish you were here too but the fucking paps are everywhere.”

“Yes you look very pretty today, I love seeing you in your Centaurs gear. How was your sushi?" 

“God, did they already post pictures? That was like 45 minutes ago they're crazy out there.”

“Yes, very creepy, but also I love seeing sooooo many pictures of your pretty face all over my twitter.”

“I've just got a day or two more here. I did want to ask you about what kitchen stuff you had.”

“Just leave it all, I will buy you everything brand new. Come here now, I miss you.”

“That's very tempting but no sorry I can't do that baby.”

Then the conversation was interrupted by another scream from the bedroom. Shane ignored them this time until Hayden and JJ came bursting into the kitchen loudly. 

“NO NO NO NO NO NO NO SHANE!!!”

“WHAT THE FUCK BRO!!!”

“What is happening malysh? Is everything okay?”

“I dunno, they already freaked out about the extra plush Anya's I had in the closet. They're fucking weirdos. I'll have to call you back. Love you baby.”

“Ya lyublyu tebya sil'neye, poka”

Shane turned his attention to Hayden and JJ who were still freaking the fuck out. 

“What is wrong with you two?”

“We finished the closet and...” JJ started then stopped to do a full body shake. 

“Did you find rat inside my condo or something???”

“I FUCKING WISH DUDE! I NEED A SPOON TO SCOOP OUT MY EYEBALLS” Hayden was still yelling.

“Guys just talk, what the fuck is going on?”

“We decided to start packing the dresser too.” JJ said quietly.

“I DIDN'T TELL YOU TO DO THAT!!!” Shane yelled back.

“Yeah no shit.” JJ said avoiding eye contact 

“Which drawer did you open???” Shane said getting very serious. 

“You know which one!!!” Hayden snapped back.

“The bottom one? Who the hell starts packing from the bottom up?!?”

“WHAT THE FUCK IS IN THE BOTTOM DRAWER????” JJ was yelling now. 

“WE OPENED THE TOP DRAWER! THE ONE FULL OF GIANT FUCKING DILDOS!!!” Hayden held his hand about a foot apart from each other showing just how big said dildos were. 

Shane went bright red and got very quiet “Oh, that drawer.”

JJ and Hayden looked at each other. They reached a decision without speaking.

Yes it would traumatize them, no they probably didn't want to see, but there was no other option. They had to see what was inside that bottom drawer

JJ and Hayden took off back towards the bedroom at a sprint. Shane ran as fast as he could and he was fucking fast. But there were two of them. He tackled JJ but it was too late Hayden was already pulling open the very bottom drawer. 

“SHANE HUDSON HOLLANDER!!” Hayden squeaked and slammed the drawer closed. 

“Let me see! I NEED TO KNOW!” JJ said still wrestling with Shane.

Shane's face went even redder with embarrassment. But gave up he gave up he knew it was no use and released JJ who promptly pulled the drawer open again before anyone could change their minds. 

JJ stared in shock, Hayden peaked over his shoulder and took a second look. Inside was a Polaroid camera, a small photo album, a single unlabled VHS tape, a stack of kink books and then there were the private things. 

This drawer was where Shane kept he and Ilya's kink gear. There were leather restraints, blindfold, ball gag, rope and a wooden paddle. Shane had had it custom made for Ilya's birthday. It said “Mine” in Russian except backwards so it left the Cyrillic lettering behind on his ass when Ilya spanked him. 

“I swear to god if you touch that album none of us will ever speak again. Open it and Ilya will murder both of you with my help.”

“Holy shit Hollzy” JJ said letting out a low whistle sitting back on his heels. 

“Blink twice if you need us to rescue you.” Hayden said wide eyed and only slightly kidding.

Shane stared directly into Hayden’s face unblinking then smiled and waggled his eyebrows. “I'm right where I wanna be, thank you very much.”

“They always say it's the quiet ones that you need to watch out for” JJ said, still staring at the drawer.

“You're really into all of this?” Hayden said quietly staring wide eyed at the drawers contents.

Fuck it Shane thought. “Have you ever come untouched?” Shane said making a decision to just go with it. He had gotten a lot more comfortable talking about his sex life now with the WAGs.

“What do you mean?” Hayden said confusedly.

“I mean have you ever come without having your dick touched.” Shane said grinning now.

“That can happen.” JJ said, his head snapping towards Shane.

“Regularly and often. And you probably also think a man can't orgasm more than once.”

“I mean after a roadie I can usually make it happen like twice.” Hayden said.

Shane smiled wider and just held up five fingers. 

“Nooooooo.” Hayden said in unison staring in awe.

"Way to go Rozanov." JJ said with a very weird wide eyed look on his face. 

“You two should really spend some private time learning about your prostate." Shane wiggled his index finger in a lewd motion.  "I can send you a link. Now don't open any more drawers in here without asking.”

Shane pushed the drawer closed. JJ stared silently at the other three drawers in the dresser. It was a 5 drawer dresser.

JJ looked at Shane and raised an eyebrow. Shane sighed rolling his eyes as he pointed to each of the other drawers “Lingerie, Plugs & Vibrators, Other Toys & My tripod for video calls.” 

Then feeling a bit emboldened he pointed at one bedside table “Lube, Condoms and Cockrings”, he pointed at the table on the other side “Most Used Toys” and finally at the bottom drawer in the bathroom “Anal Prep and Toy Sanitizer. Any other questions?”

He didn't really expect any so he was a bit startled when JJ quietly spoke “When you said five did you mean just you or both of you combined.”

Shane barked out a laugh. The three broke down laughing together. After a moment the laughter started to wane. Shane said “Combined total was eight.” Another moment of silence and then JJ said very quietly “Send me that link.” Laughter started up all over again. 

The three spent the rest of the evening packing, laughing and chatting. Shane however made the choice not to leave his friends to their own devices.

So much was changing Shane had been terrified about his relationships with his friends changing too. He just hadn't imagined that they could change for the better. Now that he didn't have this fear of being outed he felt like he was finally able to relax and fully let his guard down. 

That night he called Ilya from his bedroom later that night. Ilya thought Hayden & JJ discovering that their sex life was far from boring was hilarious.

Shane was concerned Ilya might pass out; he was laughing so hard. Shane was busy packing up said drawers as they were chatting on the phone.

He was only slightly panicking at the thought of all the movers, painters, his designer and extra people who were planned to start arriving tomorrow. He didn't need anyone else finding his stash of sex toys. 

He got everything all packed up inside a duffle bag. Because he was paranoid he decided to just put some of this stuff directly in his car. He felt like he was carrying a bomb that was about to explode as he made his way down to the garage.

He was spiraling with anxiety he could see it so clearly in his mind…the bag rips open, sex toys all over, paparazzi take photos and bingo bango ‘Shane Hollander Sex Freak’ is front page news. 

He was so on edge that he practically jumped out of his skin when he heard a commotion in the far side of the parking garage.

It was the sound of garbage shifting around in the dumpsters. It was probably the rats Hayden had talked about. He quickly shoved his bag in the trunk of his Jeep and hurried back upstairs while looking up numbers for exterminators. 

Shane's day starts super early the next morning he needs to finish his packing, meet with his interior designer, meet with the contractor, he has a call with his real estate agent and then after everyone leaves he has a meeting with Rolex to discuss their newest campaign ideas. Today was going to be crazy. 

He was in the midst of finalizing paint colors and choosing which bedding to use for the staging photos with his designer.

That's when the buzzer rang, he wasn't expecting the contractor for another 45 minutes. His stupid buzzer was still not working so he had to go all the way downstairs to go let him in.

When he got to the lobby he opened the door and oh shit, he totally forgot about the exterminator. He greeted the man and walked him over near the dumpsters to show him where he had been seeing stuff. The guy told him about what his plans were and Shane left him to it. 

His day was busy but going smoothly decisions were easy considering the fact that he wasn't going to be the one living here. Shane got a call from a number he did not recognize just as he was about to break for lunch.

“Hello you've reached Shane Hollander.”

“Oh good Mr. Hollander, could you meet me downstairs?”

“Who is this?”

“Oh sorry this is Randall from Rat-Be-Gone”

“Of course I'll be down in a minute.”

Shane headed down to the garage and chatted with the older man about everything he had done and what the next steps were.

He had cleared out all the debris back here, gone through and blocked all the holes in the walls around the dumpsters to stop them from getting in.

He also left a few closed traps that he would come and collect regularly. Then was the big cage he had tucked behind the dumpster.

“So Mr. Hollander there was definitely evidence of rodent activity, which is not uncommon for areas like this, but I think you've got a bigger pest as well. I'm thinking raccoon or opossum but it's hard to know. So I set this live trap to catch and relocate it. If you wouldn't mind peaking down here in the morning let me know if we catch anything. If not I'll try new bait, but I've got a can of cat food in there right now usually does the trick. If we do get something I will come right way and pick it up. Any questions?”

“Nope, thank you very much for coming so quickly.” Shane really didn't like the idea of some sort of wild animal living down here, let alone rats so he hurried back upstairs after paying Randall.

The rest of the day was a whirlwind of activity. But finally it was done. It was very late but he wanted to finish his final packing so he could get to Ilya tomorrow. He prepped his breakfast and then packed up his final kitchen items. After he finished eating his dinner he headed down to the garage to toss the days trash. 

As he approached the dumpster he realized that the door to the trap was closed. Oh shit there was something in there, or was there?

He didn't see anything but the back of the cage was tucked behind the dumpster. He worked up the courage to peak and see what was in there. He looked around the back and…oh

Sitting inside the trap was a tiny pathetic creature definitely not the monster he was envisioning. Inside was a shivering, pathetic, tiny, black kitten.

Well he certainly wasn't going to leave a kitten trapped until Randall came back out in the morning so he crouched down opened up the door and the poor little thing instantly puffed up and hissed. 

Shane tentatively put a hand out and tried to using the same voice he had heard Ilya use with Anya. The kitten swatted at him.

“Sorry friend, I get it you're not a dog.”

The kitten let out a squeaky “Mraw.”

He gave the cat a moment to assess the situation and then it came out all on its own. It looked expectantly up at Shane. He reached down and the kitten leaned into his touch. He scooped up the kitten gently. 

When he got back up to his apartment his immediate thought was to call Ilya. One micro second of thought told him that was a bad idea.

Ilya would be ordering a truckload of cat supplies before they were off the phone. Shane didn't even know if the kitten was a stray or just lost. He decided to text Harris instead. 

Shane:

You up?

Harris:

?????

Shane:

What?

Harris:

I don't think this was meant for me

Shane:

Of course it was you're the only Harris in my phone

Harris:

WTF Shane

Shane:

I just asked a question why are you being so weird?

Harris:

It's almost midnight

And you text me "you up"?????

Shane:

Yeah thats why I wanted to check and see if you were awake

Harris:

SHANE YOU CANNOT TEXT PEOPLE THAT

That's the most stereotypical booty call text you could possibly make

Shane:

Oh 

OH! NO!

Shit 

Ohhhhh that's probably why Ilya is always so quick to respond when I say that…

Harris:

Omg your ridiculous

You poor baby gay

Shane:

Sorry about coming onto you

But I have a problem and need your help

I found a cat

Harris:

Oh cool!

Shane:

I have no idea what to do

Like I literally found her like 5 min ago

What the fuck do I do???

It's in my kitchen and now its yowling at me

Is it okay???

Harris:

Dude calm your tits 

It probably wants food and water

Shane:

Oh yeah makes sense

It ate all the food that was left in the trap I don't have any more cat food. I'm guessing I can't feed her dog food.

Harris:

No dog food feed her some of the bland ass chicken you always meal prep

Shane:

🙄

It's eating!!! It looks happy now.

Okay big picture what do I do with it

Harris:

Tomorrow you should call the shelter and see if you can get him/her scanned for a microchip. 

Shane:

Well I guess I'll probably have to let Ilya know I won't be headed out first thing in the morning. 

I also haven't told him about the cat. So don't mention it to him.

Harris:

Why not???

Shane:

Think about it for 5 secs

Harris:

?

Shane:

Ilya buys everything needed for the cat before we even know its a stray.

Then either we keep the cat or find its family

If we find its family then its “But Shanya we already have everything for little baby kitten, we just go look at shelter”

Boom Cat

We don't need a cat

Harris:

Oh yeah you would definitely have a cat

Do you not want a cat?

The cat distribution system may be at play here it might be yours now.

Shane:

I don't want him to get excited if its someone else's cat

Also we have Anya probably not a good idea to add a tiny little kitten into the mix

Harris:

I mean Anya loved Ursula my crazy cat 

Shane:

STOP! I'm going to the shelter tomorrow!

No cat!

Harris:

😿

The next morning wakes up with the kitten perfectly tucked up in his arms. It's nice he had always enjoyed cuddling with Anya.

Shane lounged in bed and looked up the local shelter's hours. It's a weekend so they have shortened hours and are not open until noon.

He had planned on leaving as early as possible today. But this was going to change things. Ilya was going to be disappointed. He could probably have someone else handle the cat situation. As the though it crossed his mind the kitten did a big stretch and gently put a paw on his cheek.

Shit he was going to have to call Ilya.

“Good morning beautiful”

“Good morning baby”

“Are you already on your way? Because I miss you like crazy.”

“Well about that I have to wait for the exterminator to come by today and let him into the garage. Then I have a few other errands to run, I didn't get a chance with the guys over yesterday. I'm sorry love, but I probably won't be headed your way until this evening.”

“Noooooooooo I miss my Shane.”

“I miss you too, but you can be patient a little while longer, because then I'm all yours. No more long-distance we will always be together.”

“Uuuuuuuuugggggggghhhhhh fine.”

They continued to talk while Shane got out of bed and then headed to the kitchen to make himself and the cat breakfast. He made himself eggs and toast.

The entire time the kitten was purring and rubbing up against his legs. Then he grabbed his last piece of chicken and started chopping it up. 

He turned to give the cat its little plate and the cat was gone. He looked around the kitchen cat was on the counter eating his eggs. 

“AGGGHHHH STOP!”

“What's happening malysh?”

“Oh nothing, just got another email about real estate stuff.”

Shane tried to shoo the cat from his plate. It dug its little claws into the scrambled eggs flinging food everywhere.

“FUCK! NO! Sorry babe I gotta go, I just spilled and made a huge mess. Love you, bye”

He hung up and reached towards the cat again it was hunched over his eggs like a fucking lion protecting its kill. Shane tried to show it the chicken. The cat wanted eggs. Shane gave up. 

He made himself a second plate of eggs and had to fend off the egg crazed cat in order to eat his breakfast.

After breakfast he grabbed his laptop and started filtering through his emails. The cat was bouncing all around him on the sofa.

It was mewling at him like it wanted something but Shane had no idea what. Maybe cats were just like this. There was still chicken out on a plate and the bowl of water was full.

That's when he smelled it. He looked up the cat had climbed into a box and was now squatting. The tiny kitten was staring angrily straight into his soul as it relieved itself. Oh my god Shane was an idiot. He hadn't given the cat anywhere to go to the bathroom.

The box was full of extra bedding he was going to take to take to the cottage. He looked at it and briefly considered washing it. Nope, it was going out to the dumpster. 

While tossing the box he saw the live trap behind the dumpster. He realized he should give Randall a call and let him know he caught a cat in the trap. He dialed him up right then.

Apparently it wasn't an uncommon occurrence and Randall offered to drop it off at the shelter. Shane told him not to worry he was already planning on going later today.

It was now 9 am another three hours until the shelter opened. Shane wasn't keeping the cat but he could at least buy a litter box and some food.

Besides whatever he bought he could just donate to the shelter. He also figured it wouldn't hurt to ask the workers at the shop if anyone locally had been looking for a cat. So he hopped in his car and headed to Anya's favorite little shop. 

At the store he was good. He was just buying the necessities, food, litter and a litter box. And then he figured he should get a carrier. Then there was a cat bed shaped like a fried egg next to the carriers. And then he grabbed a couple toys and then three different kinds of wet food and a bag of dry food and two litter boxes just to make sure there weren't any accidents and some treats and shit, his cart was full.

He got to the counter and fuck it he decided to have the woman engrave a tag. If the kitten got out he would want it to come back to him and not just wander the streets. 

Then she asked him what name to put on it…he thought for a moment and said the first name that came to mind “Egg”. But he quickly explained that it was just a place holder and it wasn't actually his cat.

The woman at the counter chuckled as she mentioned that it was kitten season and there were tons of cats being born on the streets. She told him that the kitten was probably born a stray.

He hurried back home to check on little Egg. When he walked in the kitten greeted him at the door. He never expected a cat to be quite like this. He always heard they were aloof and standoffish. This little thing couldn't get enough attention. 

Egg loved the egg bed and started making biscuits on it as soon as Shane set it down. Shane clipped on the yellow collar he had bought with the little heart shaped tag "EGG".

He got the litter boxes set up around the place and put down a bowl of kibble. It was chicken and egg flavored. Egg munched happily purring as the kibbles crunched. 

Shane went back to his emails. He looked down after a while it was 11:45 the shelter opened soon but he didn't have to be there right away.

He decided to have some lunch first. However he really didn't have any food left and all his dishes were packed away. So he ordered in and waited for his food. Food arrived at around 12:30 and by 1:15 he had run out of reasons not to go to the shelter. 

He loaded up little Egg and felt a little conflicted. The shelter was close and the drive only took a few minutes. Shane grabbed the carrier and walked inside. There was a small queue of people. He pulled up his hoodie trying to avoid attention and sat down. After a short wait he headed up to the counter. 

“Hi I found this little friend in my building's parking garage and I wanted to see if it had a microchip or if anyone was looking for their cat.”

“Ah, Let me take the kitten to the back and we will do a quick exam and check for a chip. Did you want the carrier back?”

“Well if there isn't a microchip what happens?”

“If there is no chip we will begin the intake paperwork and move it to the adoption floor, this time of year it is almost certainly a stray. Where exactly was it found?”

“Over on 2nd Ave near the park.”

“Oh yes we actually have been working on trapping a fairly large feral colony over there. So we will most likely fast track this friend to the adoptions.”

Shane squeaked out in a quiet voice “What if I wanted to just keep it?”

The woman smiled knowingly, “Well then you pay for the exam, vaccines and you sign a paper saying that you understand that this cat has not officially been through our shelter or adoption process so you can't sue us if something ends up being wrong with the cat.”

“Can I see that paperwork?” Shane quickly filled it in and the staff came to take Egg back to get a quick look over. 

The woman took the carrier into a back room she said it would only be a few minutes. A few minutes passed and there was a small commotion from the back and someone hurried back to help.

They came back with the carrier after long while. He couldn't help but notice the fresh bandages on the woman's hands.

“Now this little guy gave us some serious attitude when we pulled him out of the carrier. I recommend you use some caution when interacting with him. As a former feral he will likely be a bit wild and there is a chance he will never fully settle into a home. If this changes you're willingness to adopt we completely understand. We have a great program that would pair him up with a local farm and he can become a semi-feral barn cat.”

“Eggy were you being a bad little kotik back there?” Shane said peering into the carrier. The little angry fur ball chirped back at him and pressed his face against the front of the carrier trying to get closer to Shane. Not a hint of aggression.

“Oh well it seems like he's picked you, the cat distribution system works in mysterious ways.”

“Did you say him? He's a he! Egg my little man!” Shane should have been embarrassed by the voice he was using but he was honestly too excited to care. 

“Yes Egg is a boy. We recommend you setup an appointment with your regular vet to schedule neutering him and maybe get a better look at his overall health, this was just an initial exam to make sure there wasn't anything actually wrong with him. But with one last signature you two are all set.” 

Shane signed the paper and practically skipped out of the shelter. He hadn't realized just how much it would have killed him to leave his little Egg behind. His Egg. Shane had a cat. He was giddy with excitement. 

He buckled Egg's carrier into the front seat and the two headed West to their new home in Ottawa.

Shane was about 30 min onto the highway when Ilya called. He had been talking with Eggy about how to break the news but was struggling. Ilya had gotten Anya without talking to him so this just made it even. But what if Ilya hated cats or was secretly allergic or Egg didn't like Anya. He pressed a button to accept the call.

“Hey Baby I'm on my way!”

“Shane, is there something you want to tell me?” 

“What do you mean?”

“You got papped again. This time carrying a little box out of the Montreal Humane Society.”

“Oh that”

“DID YOU GET US A PUPPY! ANYA WILL BE SO EXCITED TO HAVE A BABY IN THE HOUSE!!!”

“Not exactly…last night the exterminator’s trap caught a little kitten. And I don't know how you feel about owning a cat, but I'm telling you right now that you'd better get used to the idea in the next hour before I get home. Because he picked me and I picked him and now Egg is mine. Also you adopted Anya without telling me, now we're even!”

“Slow down, Kotik and put your claws away. No one is taking your little yaytso. Is dumb name but we can talk about that later. I love you, of course we can keep tiny baby kitten! Tell me all about Anya's new brother!”

Shane rambled on and on. He told Ilya all about how he found him, how much he loves eggs, told him all the stuff he had already bought and all about how cute this kitten was.

Egg was occasionally commenting on the story meowing and being a talkative little fella the rest of the phone call. 

Shane was so relieved he was done keeping this secret from Ilya, even if it was for less than 12 hours. Now that they were together they didn't have any secrets from each other and they never would again. 

The drive to Ottawa felt like it was taking forever. When he finally pulled into the driveway Shane was bursting with excitement! Ilya greeted him with a very thorough kiss first. Then he was begging to meet Egg. 

Shane didn't want to overwhelm him so he brought his carrier into the bedroom before letting him out. He setup a litter box in the bathroom had his bowls filled. Time for the big moment. Shane unlatched the carrier and Egg made his big entrance. 

Ilya was wide eyed with excitement "Oh wow! We have a cat!" He reached out to pet him and Egg hissed, swatted him and went to hide behind Shane. The kitten was obliviously overwhelmed by the situation. Shane told Ilya how the shelter warned him that it could take a while before he fully settles in. Ilya finally got a quick pet in while Shane had him distracted. After meeting Ilya they decided to let Anya meet him. 

The two got on beautifully. It was love at first sight. The kitten was rubbing all over Anya and Anya was licking Egg all over. Everything was going so much better than Shane could have ever hoped for.

Shane noticed Ilya was a little apprehensive about Egg. But Ilya assured him it was simply the fact that he had never had a cat before. He was much more comfortable around dogs. 

It was clear the kitten was crazy about Shane it followed him everywhere and tucked himself against Shane's neck when they headed to bed. Shane and Egg fell asleep almost instantly. Ilya laid there with Anya for a while. Until eventually Ilya slipped out of bed he whispered to Shane that he was going to grab a drink of water. 

Ilya:

SOS 911 HELP!

Harris:

What???

Ilya:

Shane got a cat

Harris:

Jesus Christ

Both of you need to lose my number after 9pm

Ilya:

Harris this not good

Harris:

Why? You love animals?

Ilya:

Egg is not animal

Egg is demon straight from hell

Harris:

What?

Ilya:

Shane named evil devil cat Egg

[Picture of Egg, he's bug eyed and point opposite directions, one ear is missing the tip, his tail is bald like a rat tail, and his snaggle tooth sticks out]

This is world's ugliest, scariest cat!

Looks like bat and rat died next to each other and bodies melted into one pile

It's also so mean to me. He bites my ankles and scratches me anytime I try to pet. And at dinner he leapt onto my plate and stole my salmon. Egg is only nice to Shane and Anya not me. 

Demon straight from Hell

Harris:

You should call him Devilled Egg 🤣

Also his is the absolute funniest thing you could have possibly text me. 

Holy shit Roz are you serious??? -Troy

Ilya:

Yes I am very serious! My pain is not funny!

I just look it up, cats live soooo long! I cannot have this thing around for next 15 years

Harris:

My cat Ursula is 21 and still going strong

And your pain is objectively hilarious

Ilya:

DONT MOCK ME WITH BIG WORDS!

HELP ME MAKE CAT DISAPPEAR!

Harris:

No 😘

Ilya:

FUUUUUUUCCCCCCCKKKKK YOU!!

AND ME!

AND EGG! 

YOUR NOT HELPING!!!

Harris:

*You're

Is that helpful?

Ilya:

🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕

Fuck Egg wake Shane up

Never speak of this to Shane...