Tuna Melts and Longitudinal Studies

r/relationship_advice · Posted by u/OrangeSpyder617 8 hours ago.

I (26M) want to invite man I sleep with (26M) to my house. Help me not ruin it.

Relationships

Background. I have been hooking up with this guy for six years. We work in the same competitive field, different organizations. We are technically rivals. We meet when we are in the same city for work, which happens maybe once a month. Sometimes more, sometimes less.

We have rules. Last names only. Always hotels or his fuck condo, never mine when he is in my city. We can see other people. We cannot be seen together, ever. These rules were not written down. We are not children with chore chart. They developed over time, and I have been following them like a good boy for six years because I thought they were keeping us safe.

The problem is I do not want to follow the rules anymore.

I have feelings for this man. It is like having a stone in my shoe I cannot shake out. I have had feelings for a while. Probably years if I am honest, which I am trying to be right now, and it is very uncomfortable.

He is terribly not funny. His jokes are what you find in a Christmas cracker. And yet, I laugh. It is humiliating.

He is the only person in my field who can keep up with me (he would argue that I am the one keeping up with him, and he would be wrong). He has dark hair and freckles across his nose in a pattern I have memorized and I think about his face when I am trying to fall asleep. This is not normal for me. I am a man with plenty of options. I am very attractive. This is not arrogance, it is a fact. And yet the only person I want is this freckled idiot who drives the most boring car on planet earth and goes to bed at 9pm.

He will be in my city next week for work. Usually we would meet at a hotel. But I want to invite him to my house for the first time.

My actual home where I live.

The thing is, I cannot say "I have feelings for you, this is a date."

If I tell him directly, he will either panic or not believe me, because this man is the most oblivious human being alive. He once told me I was "funny" and I nearly drove my car into a wall.

I want to make him dinner. I am not a good cook. I am, in fact, a terrible cook. I need ideas for what to make, and they must be simple because he is a simple creature. I also know his favorite drink. I plan to buy it and have it in my fridge for him.

My plan is: invite him over, cook for him, have his drink ready, sit on the couch, talk, and let whatever happens happen naturally. Maybe he will stay the night. Maybe I will finally get to wake up next to him. I have never done that.

Six years and I have never once opened my eyes in the morning and seen him there in the dawn. I did not realize that was a problem until it became one.

He is the source of all my fucking problems.

My question for this subreddit: What else can I do to make this work? Does anyone have suggestions for a simple dish that is hard to fuck up? I cannot do anything that requires more than four steps. I will burn it or set off the smoke alarm and then I will have to explain to my neighbours why there is smoke pouring out of the windows and I will not be able to do that because I will be too busy dying of embarrassment.

Help me not ruin it all. Or don't. I will probably manage anyway.

English is not my first language. If my grammar is wrong, I do not care.

EDIT: To the person who said "just tell him how you feel" — I have considered this. I have rejected it. He would combust. You do not understand. This man once had to leave the room because I complimented him. If I say "I have feelings for you" while we are alone in my home he will set off my fire alarm with the friction of how fast he runs out the door.

EDIT 2: Really. You are all hanging noodles on my ears. You say 'be yourself,' but if I am myself, he will leave and I will be alone

EDIT 3: Hanging noodles means to lie or pull a prank! No there are not actual noodles!

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StepByStep_90 · 6 hours ago

Don’t jump straight to a full weekend. That’s high pressure for a six-year "hotel-only" habit. Invite him over for a "pre-game" dinner or a specific event on a Friday night. If the vibe stays good, suggest he stays over because "it’s late." It gives you both an out if the "domestic" reality hits too hard.

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throwaways_for_days · 7 hours ago

Babe you've been hooking up with the same person for SIX YEARS with rules about last names only and you think YOU'RE the one catching feelings? He's been showing up for six years. He has feelings. You both have feelings. You are the last two people on earth to realize this.

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carol_in_accounting · 6 hours ago

Make him pasta! It's so easy. Lemon, butter, garlic, parmesan. Five minutes. You will not set off the smoke alarm and he will eat it because pasta is universally beloved. Stock the drink. Dim the lights. For the love of god, tell him how you feel.

I am going to follow this account and I will need an update.

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TheEldersScrollsV · 5 hours ago

🚩🚩🚩 Six years and you've never been to his house? OP, you're the side piece. He has a wife and three kids in the suburbs. Wake up.

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honestly_helena · 6 hours ago

Clean sheets. I cannot stress this enough. Put clean sheets on your bed, put out a fresh towel for him, and clear a space in your bathroom for his stuff. You don't have to announce any of it. He'll notice. Those details are louder than words.

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TooOldForThis_55 · 6 hours ago

Real talk: you've been sleeping together for six years and never stayed the night. That's not a rule, dude, that's a fucking wall. Inviting him to your home, cooking for him, having his drink ready… all good things, but you're also asking him to step over that wall. Be ready for the possibility that he does, AND be ready for the possibility that he's scared to. Patience. Give him room.

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GooseGrease88 · 5 hours ago

This sounds like a plot to a bad fanfic. "We are technically rivals." What does that even mean? Do you work for Burger King and he works for McDonald's? If you're actually rich, just hire a consultant to decorate your house so it looks "normal" and stop whining.

crossposting to r/nothingeverhappens because this reads like fanfic

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BostonSportsBro69 · 5 hours ago

Okay I'm going to need more info on this "competitive field" because you said you're rivals, you travel to the same cities, you meet roughly once a month, and you're both 26 and apparently very well compensated based on the cars situation.

Are you guys athletes? This reads like you're athletes. The last-names-only thing is VERY locker room energy.

Edit: OP's username is OrangeSpyder617. 617 is a Boston area code. I'm going insane.

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QuietLifeQuietWife · 5 hours ago

No advice but "He once told me I was funny and I nearly drove my car into a wall" had me giggling. Good fucking luck man

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BagelBitch_BOS · 4 hours ago

Hot take: you are not afraid he won't pick up on the signals.

You are afraid he will.

Because if he does, then you both have to deal with what that means outside of hotel rooms.

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SiliconValleySkeptic · 4 hours ago

"Competitive field" + "Last names only" = You guys are definitely high-level software engineers or quant traders. Is this some weird corporate espionage thing? Are you afraid he's going to steal your proprietary code while you're making him a tuna melt?

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actual_therapist_no_really · 5 hours ago

Okay, real advice. The dinner is a good instinct. The drink is an even better one. But the thing that will actually make this feel different from your usual arrangement isn't the food—it's the context. You're inviting him into your space. Your actual home. After six years of neutral territory and hotels, that IS the gesture. Don't overthink the menu. The invitation itself is the message.

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r/relationship_advice · Posted by u/OrangeSpyder617 6 hours ago.

UPDATE: I (26M) invited my hookup (26M) to my home. I have ruined everything.

Relationships

Some of you may remember my post from a few weeks ago about inviting the man I have been sleeping with for six years to my actual home for the first time. Many of you gave advice. Some of it was good. Some of you told me to "just use words" and I ignored you because I knew better than you.

This was, as it turns out, a mistake.

Here is what happened.

I invited him in November, and he came. He was confused at first at the invite because he is in my city and usually that means I go to him in his hotel, which was already a bad sign because it meant he thought the hotel was fine, which it was NOT, because hotels are for strangers and I have known this man for years and have memorized the freckle pattern on his nose.

I cooked for him. Several of you suggested tuna melts, and one person called it "the least sexy food imaginable," which I took as a challenge. I made tuna melts. They were good. He ate two of them and smiled with his mouth full, and I have thought about that smile every single day since.

I also bought his favorite drink. It is a specific brand of Canadian ginger ale that I would never in my life purchase for myself because it is for children. I put it in my fridge two days before he came over so it would be cold. When he opened the fridge and saw it, he said, "Oh, you had this?"

YES. I HAD IT. I WENT TO A STORE. I PURCHASED IT. FOR YOU. DO YOU THINK THE GINGER ALE FAIRY VISITED?

I do not buy ginger ale. I buy wine that costs more than his car.

But fine. I let that go, because the rest of the day was perfect. We sat on my couch and watched a hockey game. We talked for three hours about cities we like, things that happened at work that week, which coworkers annoy us. He told me about his best friend's five hundred kids. I told him about my cars. He made fun of all my cars. I made fun of his singular car, which is a Jeep Cherokee, which is a vehicle for dads in suburbs and not for a man who earns what he earns.

We argued about this for twenty minutes and it was the happiest I have been in recent memory.

I tried to find out if he sees women, too, to get a better idea about what things were between us. I told him about a girl I used to sleep with in one city to try and make it easier, and asked if he liked girls. He said "of course" in the least convincing way a human being has ever said two words. Then I told him I like girls but I also like him. He said "lucky me" like I had insulted him. I was trying to tell him I am bisexual and also interested in him specifically and he reacted like I had complained about the weather.

The point is: this was not a hookup. This was not casual. A blind person could see what this was.

I was trying to explain when I got a phone call from family for issues that I had to handle. I will not go into this, but when I returned to him, the moment for telling him that I was asking because I want him had passed and I did not know how to get back to it without tangling it up with how I was already feeling.

Then we had sex.

And this is where it fell apart.

I mentioned in the last post that we have rules. Here is one of them: last names only. Always. For six years I have followed this. But I was—look. He was on top of me. He was doing this thing with his hips. I lost focus. It came out before I could stop it. His first name. I said his first name and I broke the rule because of some reason I do not know, I wish I knew.

I broke it because it wanted it to be broken, maybe.

He froze. Then he said my first name back. And then he looked at me like I had pulled a pin from a grenade.

He finished. Then he panicked. I could see it happen in real time, like watching a car crash. He said he forgot about a meeting. This man does not forget meetings. He has never once in his life forgotten a meeting. He is the most organized, controlled, disciplined person I have ever met and he had to know that I knew he was lying, even as he left wearing my shirt because he could not find his own in his panic. He forgot even his underwear.

I can not bring myself to text him, either, to make things worse.

Thank you for the tuna melt suggestion. He loved them. I hope that knowledge haunts you as much as it haunts me.

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r/relationship_advice · Posted by u/OrangeSpyder617 4 hours ago.

UPDATE 2: I (26M) invited my hookup (26M) to my home and ruined everything. He is seeing someone else now.

Relationships

It has been a month. He is now dating a woman. A famous woman. I found out from a coworker who does not know about us (nobody knows about us) and who told me like it was happy news and I had to stand there and say "oh, good for him." There are pictures of them together everywhere and she is beautiful, and they look happy, and I am sitting in my house with ginger ale in my fridge and his forgotten clothes like a fucking museum exhibit.

Is he dating her because I asked? Did I remind him that women exist? There are more enemies than ever before.

He did not understand a single thing I was trying to tell him. Not my name on his skin in the dark. I practically set myself on fire in front of him and he asked if the room was warm. None of it reached him.

Or worse: it reached him and he ran anyway.

I do not know which option is worse and I refuse to think about it any longer because I have already thought about it for a month and it has made me stupid at work.

How am I supposed to continue living like this, seeing him for work, his taste in my mouth as I drink each flattening can? How am I supposed to function. I still have to see him for work. We will be in the same city next month and I will have to stand across from him and pretend he is only my rival and nothing else. I cannot tell a single person on earth what I feel for him because of what it would do to both of our careers and possibly our lives.

If your advice is "move on" do not bother. I cannot move on. I already tried. Many times. With many beautiful people. It does not work. He has ruined me. No one else will do. I hate him for that too. Is it possible to die from wanting?

I am deleting this account after this post. Some of you in the last thread made comments about my job and I prefer not to be identified.

English is not my first language. I am too tired to care about mistakes.

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r/relationship_advice · Posted by u/GingerAle_MTL 2 hours ago.

I (26M) have been hooking up with someone (26M) for six years and I think I may have made an error in how I’ve been handling it. I would appreciate outside perspective.

Relationships

I need to get this out somewhere. I don’t talk about personal things. I have one close friend and he doesn’t know about any of this. My family doesn’t know. I am a very private person and I have spent my entire adult life keeping certain things under control, and right now I am not in control of anything and I don’t know how to function like this.

I will try to keep this organized. Sorry, this is a lot.  I don’t talk about personal things and I’ve never posted here before, but I need an outside perspective because I think my judgment might be compromised.

Some context: I’m a very private person. I have a demanding career that requires focus and discipline. I don’t drink much, I eat well, I train hard, and I keep my personal life separate from everything else. I have a small number of close friends and a supportive family, none of whom know about the situation I’m about to describe.

With that in mind, here it goes: I’ve been involved with a man for about six years. We work in the same field, but we’re direct competitors. We meet when our schedules overlap, always in private. It always was hidden well, we’d text each other hotel rooms using fake names, and whenever we did talk to one another face to face it was last names only. 

About two months ago, though he invited me to his home for the first time. His actual home, not a hotel even thought I was in his city and that’s what we normally do. He cooked food and had all sorts of things for me there, including this one niche brand of soda I like. At first I thought he probably had it leftover from a party or something. He is a social person. He probably entertains a lot.

I’m not sure anymore though; don’t most people in America buy Schweppes?

Anyway. We talked for hours, and that is a big deal for me because I don’t talk to people for hours. I don’t like talking too much usually since I always worry about what I’m supposed to be saying, but with him I kept wanting to say more, and kept wanting to hear what he’d say next, but one point the conversation got strange. He started talking about some woman he used to hook up with and??? I didn’t know why he was telling me this??? 

Then he asked me if I liked girls, out of nowhere, while we were eating. I said yes because what else do you say. It’s supposed to be yes. Then he said he liked girls but he also liked me. I still don’t know what that meant. Was he comparing me to a girl? Was he saying I’m an exception? Was he making fun of me? He likes to tease and is sort of a dick. Like okay I get it that you like women and I’m just here and easy but then during during sex he said my first name!

So he doesn’t like me as a person but enough for sex and likes women but then my name? Worse, I said his name back. I didn’t mean to. It came out before I could stop it, and the moment I heard myself say it, I realized I’d been wanting to say it for years.

But last names meant it was separate from the rest of my life, meant it was a thing I did but not a thing I was. So I panicked and I left and I couldn’t find my clothes fast enough so I grabbed his shirt and wore it out of the apartment and took a cab to the hotel and sat in the back seat trying to remember how to breathe.

I started dating a woman shortly after. She’s a public figure. She’s smart and kind and funny, and when she kisses me I feel like I’m reading a manual for a machine I don’t own. I keep trying to make it work because she is everything I should want, and I like her genuinely as a person, but every time she touches me my brain edits her out and replaces her with someone else. Light brown curly hair instead of blonde straight hair. Stubble instead of smooth skin. Broader shoulders. A crooked smile I would recognize from across any room on earth.

She can tell, I think. She hasn’t said it directly, but I can see her figuring it out, and I feel terrible because she deserves someone who is fully there, and I haven’t been fully there a single time we’ve been together.

Here is the part I need help with.

Last week his organization played in my city. He and I did not speak. We have not spoken since the night I left his apartment. After the game, I went out with my girlfriend and her friends to a club. I don’t like clubs because they’re kind of a lot and they’re loud and I can’t dance or drink enough to be comfortable without compromising my performance at work, and all the bassy music gives me a headache. But I went because that’s what boyfriends do.

And… he was there. At the same club.

And he was there with a girl.

I wish I could tell you I stayed where I was. That I saw him and looked away and went back to my girlfriend and forgot about it. But I didn’t. I walked toward him. I didn’t even decide to do it—my feet moved and I followed them through the crowd until I was close enough to see the sweat on his skin and the way his hair was curling from the heat of the room. He was dancing with her and she had her back against him and he was watching her with this look on his face that I recognized because I have been on the receiving end of it in dark rooms for six years. Her hands were under his shirt. And I stood there in the middle of a dance floor full of people, not moving, not dancing, just watching him kiss someone else like I was bolted to the floor. I don’t know how long I stood there.

And then he looked up and caught me staring and I felt like it was like payback, like he wanted it to hurt, and it did.

I left the club and told my girlfriend I had a headache. I made it about four blocks before I had to pull over because I was crying so hard I couldn’t see the road. 

I don’t cry. I can count on one hand the number of times I’ve cried as an adult. I sat in my car on a side street in my own city at midnight, forehead on the steering wheel, sobbing like the whole structure of my life had caved in, and I couldn’t stop. I sat there for almost an hour. My hands were shaking. I couldn’t catch my breath. 

I think I've been in love with him for years.

I think that I ran back in November because it was this huge thing for me and I didn’t know how to handle it, and I think I’m gay, like completely gay. I’m almost sure of it. 

I should probably have figured that out sooner considering the six-year data set.

And the only person I’ve ever wanted to talk to about that is the person I hurt. God, I can still hear him going back to using my last name when I left like “see, no, wait, I can make it better” and I hate how his voice sounded then. 

I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to fix this. I don’t know if it’s fixable. He hasn’t contacted me. I haven’t contacted him.

I’m sorry if this is long. I told you I’m not good at talking about personal things. Apparently I am better at typing them to strangers on the internet at 2am while sitting in my kitchen eating dry cereal and wondering where my life went wrong.

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sockdrawer_feelings · 2 hours ago

First of all, you’re not broken. You’re just late. A lot of people don’t figure this stuff out until they’re forced to, and it sounds like seeing him with someone else was what forced it. That’s normal. That’s okay.

845 points Reply

NeonYearning · 1 hour ago

This club scene is playing out in my head with bisexual lighting because there are girlsfriends and ex almost boyfriends and everyone is a mess and yearning

1.2k points Reply

ChaosGremlin99 · 2 hours ago

“I should probably have figured that out sooner considering the six-year data set.”

SIX YEARS??? My man you have been running a longitudinal study on yourself and ignoring the results. YTA for emotional illiteracy.

1.2k points Reply

BagelBitch_BOS · 2 hours ago

Okay I might be losing my mind here but does anyone else remember that post from a few weeks ago? The guy with the ESL English and the sports cars who cooked for his hookup and the hookup freaked out and left? The account got deleted but the details are VERY similar. Six years, same field, rivals, last names only, a specific drink in the fridge…

2.1k points Reply

Woombles · 45 mins ago

My guy YOU dumped him and started dating someone else

3.4k points Reply

dreamersreality · 6 hours ago

I’m going to hold your hand when I say this—this is the most convoluted, roundabout, insane, inefficient way I’ve ever seen two people try to come together. And that’s OKAY. But please figure it out because you’re making my brain hurt. Xx

3.1k points Reply

sillywillywhimsy · 4 hours ago

ORANGESPIDER617 WE FOUND YOUR BOYFRIEND COME BACK BISEXUAL AVATAR DISAPPEARED WHEN THE REDDIT NEEDED HIM MOST

2.1k points Reply

StepByStep_90 · 4 hours ago

OP did OrangeSpyder get you pregnant

1.2k points Reply

r/AskMen · Posted by u/kidnapped4times 3 hours ago.

Men of Reddit, I (26F) think my boyfriend (26M) might be gay. Am I crazy or am I seeing a pattern?

Advice

I want to start by saying I love my boyfriend! We met at a mutual friend's party and talked movies over fries. He is sky and sort of quiet, but honestly the funniest person I know. He's thoughtful, he remembers things I tell him, he watches my terrible movies and pretends they're good (they're not, I know they're not, I've been kidnapped in four of them), and he's the kind of guy who would drive three hours in a snowstorm to bring you soup. He is a good man (with a KILLER body) and I am not posting this to make fun of him or humiliate him. I am posting this because I think I already know the answer and I need someone to tell me I'm not projecting.

Some context: I work in an industry where a lot of people aren't out. I've dated a few men before this who turned out to be gay, both actors. One of them came out two years after we broke up and called me to apologize and I told him there was nothing to apologize for and I meant it. I know what this looks like. I know the shape of it and... I think I'm seeing it again. But at least all the times before I was someone's beard or they broke up with ME when they figured it out.

Here's the evidence, and I'm sorry in advance because this is going to be long:

• The sex! I don't want to be graphic, but I will say that I have never had this problem with a man before. He tries. He tries so hard. He's attentive and sweet and clearly wants it to work. But it's like he's reading from a script someone else wrote. There's no... urgency? I don't know how else to describe it. He is there but he's not into it. Every other man I've been with has had a moment where they kind of get into it and I can tell they're excited. He never gets there, its like he's on autopoilot. We've had a few attempts and they've all been what I would charitably call "technically incomplete," because while I (sometimes) finish, he almost never does. He gets frustrated with himself after, and I can tell he's embarrassed, and it breaks my heart because I know he's not doing it on purpose. It's very square peg and round hole sort of situation
• How he looks at me. I know how men look at me. I'm sorry if that sounds arrogant, but I have a pretty good dataset at this point. Men stare. They trip over their words. They get nervous. My boyfriend looks at me like I'm his favorite person at a dinner party, big smiles, the whole deal, but I never get bedroom eyes from him even when I'm wearing something skimpy. He has literally never once looked at me like he couldn't breathe, and I keep waiting for it and it doesn't come
• How he kisses me. He kisses me like he's greeting an old friend at an airport. Perfectly nice. Absolutely zero heat behind it, its like how you might peck someone on the cheek. I've tried initiating more aggressively and he freezes for about half a second before recovering.
• How he is with his body. He's an athlete (I'm not going to say what kind, please don't ask) and so he's very disciplined about his body in general, but it's more than that. When I touch him in certain ways, like putting my hand on his chest, running my fingers through his hair, he goes rigid for just a moment and then forces himself to relax. Like he's overriding something. I grew up with three older brothers and I know what it looks like when a man is uncomfortable. It's subtle, but it's there.
• The club. We went out with my friends last week. He doesn't really like clubs, which is fine, lots of people hate clubs. But he was so distracted the whole time. Not in a "this is loud and annoying" way. In a "I am somewhere else entirely" way. For a while I thought it was because this one visiting sports team crashed the club (re: again, boyfriend is into sports), and at one point he disappeared for a while and when he came back he said he had a headache and wanted to leave. I said okay and he took himself home (I left with my friend), and when I FaceTimed him the next day he was very quiet and his eyes looked red, and when I asked if he was alright he said he was fine. He is not good at acting, and he was not fine.

I don't think he's cheating on me, but I don't know what HAPPENED. There was a moment last night where my (male) friend and I were both dancing with him at the same time, and I am wondering nonstop if that triggered something in him, like he was having more fun dancing with my friend than me? He is the sort of person that would feel guilty, I think, about that while dating me. To be fair, he is a little thick with his feelings, so I think he might not even know what's going on with himself. He comes from a very traditional sports family and I don't think this is something he's ever allowed himself to examine. I don't think there's anyone in his league that's out as gay.

So here are my questions:

1. Am I seeing a pattern that isn't there because of my history, or does this sound like what I think it sounds like?

2. If I'm right, how do I have this conversation without making him feel ambushed or exposed? I want to open a door for him, not kick one down. He deserves to figure this out on his own terms.

3. More about my male friend from the club: he's an actor I work with, he's gay, and he's wonderful. He's a babe!!! He's also told me a few times how hot he things my boyfriend is, and how jealous he is of me. Would it be insane to casually suggest they follow each other on Instagram? I'm not trying to set them up. (Okay, maybe a little, could you IMAGINE me walking arm in arm with these two baddies? I want a boyfriend and and I want the boyfriends to be boyfriends... /s) I just think my boyfriend needs someone in his life who gets it in a way I never will.

4. How do I break up with someone in a way that says "I love you and I see you and none of this is your fault" instead of "I'm leaving because you're broken"? Because he's not broken. He's just not mine.

Thank you. Please be kind. He's a good person and he's trying his best.

EDIT: A few of you are trying to guess who I am. Please stop. This is a throwaway for a reason and I will delete this post if it gets weird.

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r/relationship_advice · Posted by u/GingerAle_MTL 12 hours ago.

UPDATE: I (26M) broke up with my girlfriend. I’m going to see him at a work event next week and I’m going to try to fix this.

Relationships

I’ll keep this short. A lot has happened since my last post.

A week after the nightclub thing, I broke up with my girlfriend, or, really, she broke up with me over wine.

She was incredibly kind about it. She said she already knew, or at least suspected, that she wasn’t ‘doing it for me’ and that she’d rather be my friend than watch me pretend to be happy with her… and really I shouldn’t have been surprised. The sex was only okay, and maybe that’s when she started to put it together because any straight man would’ve been in heaven to be in her bed. She asked if I’ve ever been with a man and… for… the first time in my life I was actually honest about it. I said yes. She hugged me and told me to go get him, and then she said something about a peg and a hole that made both of us laugh until I almost cried again, which is becoming a habit I’d like to break.

She’s a better person than I deserve. We’re going to stay friends and I don’t think I’ll ever deserve her.

So here’s where things are now:

I tried to find the old posts everyone was talking about, but they’re gone now. There’s a major work event in two weeks, and its sort of an annual thing. I can’t really explain what it is without giving our careers away, but he and I will both be there. For the first time, we will be working ‘together’ which is new because normally we’re always opposing each other. And, more importantly, we will be in the same city for an entire weekend.

I have been the stupidest person alive, and I ran because I was scared and because it felt too good to be real and I have spent my entire life believing that if something feels that good, it will be taken away.

I handled things badly. I know that. I left because I was overwhelmed, which is not an excuse, but it’s the truth. I have a pattern of retreating when things feel like they might exceed my ability to manage them, and that night exceeded everything.

I’m not going to let that happen this time.

I don’t really have a plan? That’s new for me because I have plans for everything, but surprise surprise, that all falls apart when it’s about him. I’m good at plans when it comes to work, and logistics, and strategy, but the second feelings are involved I turn into a complete disaster. So I’m going in with this:

I’m going to find him next week and I’m going to try to get a minute with him, alone, and tell him that I’m sorry.

And then I’m going to tell him how I feel. With actual words. Out loud. Like a person.

I have never done that before. For anyone. I have never once in my life said those words to someone who wasn’t a family member. He might not want to hear it. He might be done with me and I think I’d deserve it, honestly. He deleted his entire account after his last post, and I know what that kind of exhaustion looks like because I have felt it myself. The possibility that I am too late sits in my stomach and I can’t think about it for too long without feeling sick.

But I have to try. If I don’t try, I will spend the rest of my life wondering, and I have spent enough of my life wondering. I don’t really know what he’ll say or what he’ll think about it. Maybe he’ll want to end it and never talk to me again or maybe its okay?

I’m so nervous; you’d think after six and a half years I would be okay with how fucked up things between us are and have always been but I’m not. Maybe it’s because I told someone about it out loud of the first time and I still can’t stop thinking about how weird things were the way I left them last time we were together. I’ve made a list of things I want to say to him. It’s on my phone. I have revised it four times. I’m aware that making a bullet-pointed list of feelings to recite to someone is not normal, but I don’t trust myself to remember everything in the moment, and I refuse to leave anything out because of nerves.

245 comments Share Save Hide Report 96% Upvoted

BostonSportsBro69 · 2 hours ago

Is this work thing in Tampa

245 points Reply

GingerAle_MTL OP · 20 mins ago

HOW DO I EDIT A POST

2.1k points Reply

r/hockey · Posted by u/Progenitor 2 hours ago

Hollander down in Montreal. Hope he's okay. Also that Rozanov reaction…

Marlow hit was clean but brutal. Hollander just didn't see it coming. Didn't even get his hands up. The fact that he wasn't moving for a full minute had my stomach in my throat.

Update from the arena: he's been taken to hospital for evaluation. No update on his status yet.

Also I know everyone's going to be talking about the hit but can we talk about Rozanov for a second? Because I've been watching this sport for twenty years and him for nearly half of them and I have never seen that man look scared about anything.

UPDATE: Wingman_Pike88, Hayden Pike of the Metros, confirmed that Hollander is conscious and stable.

4.4k comments Share Save Hide Report 71% Upvoted

BostonSportsBro69 · 39 minutes ago

I think we're all getting a little carried away here. These are two very competitive guys who've been in the same scoring race for months. High stakes, high emotion, they just played together at All Stars for the first time, obviously there's a charged atmosphere. Doesn't mean anything beyond that. People are always looking for a story.

2.4k Reply

Habs_Fan_4_Life • 18m ago

If Shane is out for the playoffs, we are cooked.

3.1k Reply

HailSatan • 10m ago

Has anyone checked the locker room hallway cams? Apparently, someone saw a Raiders jersey hovering near the Montreal medical suite after the second period ended.

4.1k Reply

r/relationship_advice · Posted by u/GingerAle_MTL 1 day ago.

UPDATE: I (26M) broke up with my girlfriend, I saw him, and then I almost died. Everything’s fine now.

Relationships

I know it’s been a while. A lot has happened. I’m going to try to get through this without writing another novel, but I am apparently incapable of being brief when it comes to this man, so bear with me.

I went to the work thing in Florida, and yes, he was there. It was awkward at first, especially in the beginning, but it got easier after I let him know that I’d broken up with my girlfriend.

We were incredible together for the work thing too! I know that sounds arrogant, and I promise I am not an arrogant person in general, but there is no other word for what happened when we were the same side instead of against each other. It was like we’d been a team forever, no one else even mattered. I knew where he was going to be before he got there. He knew what I was going to do before I did it. I can’t really go into details but at one point we were doing so well that he grabbed me and kissed me on the cheek in front of people. I almost passed out I was so happy.

Later, I went to his hotel room and I told him I was gay. I’d never said that out loud before to anyone except my ex-girlfriend. He laughed at me, which was annoying, but then he got us both a drink from his mini-fridge—a Coke for himself and a ginger ale for me, because apparently he keeps my drink everywhere, not only at his apartment—and we talked and I was finally, awkwardly, able to tell him that I was sorry for running and that I can’t keep pretending that he doesn’t mean something to me. I asked if he would ever want to be more and…

… he said we couldn’t be more. 

Which wasn’t what I asked, but he continued because to him it didn’t matter what he wanted, even if we could. He told me about his family back home, and both the country and his family wouldn’t be accepting of him being with another man. I can’t share more than that, but I will say that I understood for the first time why he was so afraid of letting anyone close. And… okay, yes, we did hook up. It was cathartic. He said my name again and I said it back and the world din’t end.

After that, we started texting again. We talked on the phone. He called me once from overseas when he was dealing with a family situation—a relative had passed—and he was so upset that his English was falling apart, so I told him to talk in his own language and I’d listen even though I don’t speak it. I don’t speak his language. I understood maybe two or three words out of ten minutes. It’s the closest I have ever felt to another person, and I don’t fully understand why, but I think it’s because he trusted me to hear him even when I couldn’t understand him.

I think I fell more love with him during that phone call, and how is that even possible? Or fair?

A few weeks later in April, I got badly injured at work, which I can’t go into too much detail about, it’s a setback. It was scary, but I am okay! He visited me in the hospital the next morning. I was on a lot of medication and my memory of it is patchy, but I remember his hand in my hair and how scared he looked. I remember being so happy to see him that I almost blew our cover in front of the nurse.

I asked him to come spend the summer with me. I have a place outside the city, very private, on a lake. I’ve always wanted to bring him there. I was pretty out of it when I asked, and I remember him saying “maybe,” but I don’t know if I imagined that or if he actually said it or if I dreamed the whole conversation. The medication was very strong. For a few weeks afterward I kept trying to remember if he’d said yes or no or maybe, and I couldn’t, and that uncertainty was almost worse than a flat rejection because at least a no is an answer you can grieve. 

A “maybe” is a door you keep checking.

I was sad for a while. I didn’t hear from him as much as I wanted to, and I was starting to think “maybe” had actually meant “no” and I had scared him off the same way I’d scared him off the night I ran from his house.

Then some things happened, which, sorry, I also can’t go into details because they involve other people and their privacy, but there was a development in our field that made it feel like maybe the world was changing. Like maybe people like us could exist publicly someday without being destroyed for it.

He called me and I picked up and he said that he WOULD come for the Summer.

He’s coming. He’ll be here in a few weeks. I’ve never been this happy or this excited in my entire life. He’s staying for two weeks but really I would be okay with longer. Two weeks. A month. The whole summer, I don’t care. He’s coming to my home, my real home, the place I love most in the world, and I want it to be PERFECT.

The problem is I don’t know how to make it perfect for him. I know what I like: the lake, the quiet, kayaking, bonfires, grilling, yoga, reading on the dock. I could spend an entire summer doing nothing and be thrilled. But he’s different from me. He likes speed and excitement and expensive things and being the center of attention. He drives cars that cost more than most people’s houses. He gets bored easily. My cottage does not have a nightclub or a luxury car dealership or whatever else he normally fills his time with.

I have jet skis. I think he’ll like the jet skis? I don’t know if that competes with European sports cars but they do go fast.

But beyond the logistics: how do I make him feel at home? How do I make this feel like what he did for me—the dinner, the drink, the invitation into his real space—except that I actually recognize what he’s doing this time? I want him to walk in and know that I thought about what he likes. That I prepared for him. That this isn’t an accident or leftover hospitality from a party I didn’t have.

I’m going to stock the fridge with his favorite drink. He likes Coke. I can do that. I’m going to learn to make something he’d actually want to eat instead of just grilling the same chicken I always grill. Are burgers lame? I’m going to put clean sheets on my bed—my actual bed, in my actual room, where no one else has ever slept other than me—and I’m going to ask him to stay in it with me.

If anyone has suggestions for what else I can do to make a competitive, easily-bored, obscenely attractive man with expensive taste feel welcome at a lake house in the Canadian wilderness, I am open to ideas. I do not think he has ever been in a kayak. He will probably hate the bonfire. He is going to make fun of my car (again).

I can’t wait.

EDIT: Someone asked if I have a pool table.No, but I have some gym equipment and I have a hot tub. And before you ask, yes, I have already thought about the hot tub. Extensively.

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sockdrawer_feelings · 18 hours ago

"He said we couldn’t be more. Which wasn’t what I asked."

This distinction is really important and I’m glad you caught it. “We can’t” is not “I don’t want to.” Did he explain why?

612 points Reply

flat_white_no_foam · 4 hours ago

Have you considered: doing absolutely... nothing? You keep describing this man like he's a wild animal you need to keep stimulated with enrichment activities. He said yes to TWO WEEKS in the woods with you. He doesn't want a theme park. He wants you, in your natural habitat, being yourself. That's literally what he's signing up for.

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swamp_thing_rising · 2 hours ago

just fuck him in the kayak

567 points Reply Share Report Save

throwaway_dumpsterfire · 17 hours ago

"I asked him to come spend the summer with me. I remember him saying “maybe.”"

A “maybe” is a door you keep checking. What changed? Why did he say yes? The hot tub edit made me laugh out loud. Godspeed.

312 points Reply

JPike1991 · 4 hours ago

Okay I don't know the full backstory here but my husband is also competitive and easily bored and here's what works: surprise him. Wear something he's never seen you in. My husband loses his mind when I wear something new to bed, even if it's nothing fancy, because it shows I was thinking about him when he wasn't there. You don't have to go full lingerie but like... a nice pair of underwear goes a long way. Men are simple. Trust me. Is there a sports team he likes? Maybe a jersey? My husband LOVES when I wear his name and number to bed!

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JerseyDevil_throwaway · 15 hours ago

This man drives luxury sports cars and you’re hoping JET SKIS will impress him. You are adorable and insane.

432 points Reply

garage_sale_guru · 3 hours ago

"He will probably hate the bonfire" Dude just fuck off. It's been a thing for 400,000 years. Everyone is hardwired to like that shit.

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BagelBitch_BOS · 12 hours ago

OP. I have been following your story since January. I screamed when the deleted user’s posts matched yours. I cried when you said you sat in your car for an hour on a side street. I cheered when you said you’d broken up with your girlfriend.

If you don’t update us after this summer visit I will find you through the ginger ale supply chain.

2.1k points Reply

chocolatefreckle · 6 hours ago

Are burgers lame?

No! Burgers are not lame!!OP you should totally make burgers! Here's my family burger recipe if you want to try it:

Ingredients:

Patties:

• 1kg ground beef (ask your butcher for a high-fat blend if you can, chuck and brisket is nice)
• 1 cup panko breadcrumbs
• 2 eggs
• 1 tbsp Worcestershire/Bulldog/Tonkatsu sauce
• 2 tsp sea salt flakes
• 1 tsp freshly cracked black pepper
• 4 tbsp olive oil

Burgers:

• 8 crusty bread rolls, halved and lightly toasted on the grill
• 8 slices of your favourite cheese (if you can get it, I recommend Port Salut)
• 4 tomatoes, sliced 1 red onion, finely sliced Lettuce, washed and DRIED (use a salad spinner or drip dry in the drainer, nobody likes wet lettuce)
• LOTS of dill pickles. Do not accept any pickle with a recipe closer than Prague.
• The Polski Ogorki and Malosolnye Ogurtsy are the best.
• Whole-egg mayonnaise Tomato relish (or ketchup if you must)
• Mustard (a nice Dijon, Thomy or Maille, or a wholegrain is nice. Don't put that squeezy yellow crap on there.)

Instructions

• Put the mince, breadcrumbs, egg, sauce, salt and pepper in a bowl, and mix well with your hands. Split the mixture into 8 balls and flatten them into patties. Go large, they'll shrink a bit as they cook. Make a dent in one side of the patty. I don't know why you have to do this, but my Gran insists.
• Sprinkle them with olive oil (brush the grill plate as well) and then cook them on your grill until they look delicious. Some people say only turn them once but I saw an article one time that says to turn them every 20 seconds? I've tried both and they're both fine. You can do them in a pan too. If you want the cheese melted, you can put it on the burger a minute or so before they're finished.

You can use a meat thermometer if you really care about done-ness but that's out of my league. I'm lazy. It's usually about ten minutes.

You can put the burgers together for your guests, but (like I said, I'm lazy) I like to just put out the toppings and let people dress their own!

Updateme if you make them, my Gran's been following your posts (she loves Reddit but doesn't have an account) and she'd get such a kick out of you making her burgers!

512 points Reply

r/relationship_advice · Posted by u/YellowPorsche617 1 day ago.

I (26M) love a man (26M) that speaks fluent bird.

Relationships

New account and I also have new sports car and new boyfriend.

I hate him so much. I hate how he cannot cut a recipe in half. He is so smart and so bad at math. I hate how his perfect body haunts my dreams, and now I know what it looks like in the morning, tangled up in sheets beside mine. We are at his cottage and I hate that he likes these stupid fucking wolfbird loons and can use his hands to speak back to them. I hate how soft his hands are with me, and that now that I know how it feels to be in his arms and to tell him the truth, there is no going back.

I hate how stupid we were to get here.

Thank you for nothing, reddit.

842 comments Share Save Hide Report 92% Upvoted

BagelBitch_BOS · 8 hours ago

YOU ARE WELCOME FOR NOTHING. NOW GO OUTSIDE AND TELL THE BIRD MAN YOU LOVE HIM.

3.4k points Reply

quietlyqueer_2891 · 7 hours ago

This is the best thing that has ever happened on this subreddit. I’m not exaggerating. RemindMe! 5 years “did the loons officiate the wedding”

1.2k points Reply

ChaosGremlin99 · 6 hours ago

tuna melt guy got his happy ending!

1.5k points Reply

PNW_hiker_chick · 5 hours ago

Did you see his posts from January/June? etc? How did you handle the casual "I almost died. Everything’s fine now."

2.3k points Reply

StepByStep_90 · 3 hours ago

So... we still doing the 48 hours in bed, or what?

1.1k points Reply