Rating:

Teen And Up Audiences

Archive Warning:

No Archive Warnings Apply

Fandoms:

Heated Rivalry (TV), Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid

Relationships:

Cliff Marlow/Original Female Character, Cliff Marlow | Cliff Marleau & Ilya Rozanov

Characters:

Ilya Rozanov, Cliff Marlow | Cliff Marleau, Original Female Character(s), Shane Hollander

Additional Tags:

Song: Cbat (Hudson Mohawke), Social Media, Texting, Mentioned Shane Hollander/Ilya Rozanov, Ilya Rozanov is a Menace, Fuck AI, Crack

Language:

English

Stats:

Published: 2026-05-09 Words: 1,320 Chapters: 1/1

What the Fuck is CBAT?

Summary

Cliff makes the mistake of sending the CBAT post/song to Ilya

Ilya takes it to Twitter

Notes

Inspired by this Tumblr post I saw that reminded me that CBAT existed

Cliff

Rozy you need to see this bullshit

CBAT Original Post

Ilya

He fucks to only one song? Boring

Cliff

It is worse than that

This is the song

CBAT Song

Ilya

Lie

How

This is made up

Cliff

Dude it's going viral

Ilya

Where is this poor woman located

Cliff

Internet is claiming Boston

Ilya

You know what this means?

Cliff

That some fucker has been using that song and could have walked past me at any point?

Ilya

No

You are in Boston

Cliff

Yes, I happen to live here and didn't leave

Ilya

So you can show the nice lady what it means to have proper sex

Without poor music

Cliff

The update did say she broke up with him

Ilya

And you are single right now, yes?

Cliff

Thanks for the reminder

Ilya

So mean

I will take care of this

Cliff

What does that mean

Ilya Rozanov ✅ @rozanov81
Hello lovely internet. I have learned about CBAT. Is very sad, to think that poor woman has suffered so much. She deserves nice man. My good friend @CliffMarlow happens to be single and in Boston. Internet claims the poor lady is in Boston

Ilya Rozanov ✅ @rozanov81
Replying to @rozanov81
Internet detectives, please help connect lovely lady with Marlow

Cliff Marlow ✅ @CliffMarlow
I'm going to kill you, why would you post this

Ilya Rozanov ✅ @rozanov81
Replying to @CliffMarlow
Oh, so you aren't single and free this weekend for a romantic night out

Cliff Marlow ✅ @CliffMarlow
Replying to @rozanov81
Answer my text

Ilya

I am being helpful, getting you a date

Cliff

You are exposing that poor woman to a sports audience

Ilya

Yes but my audience are very queer

Cliff

Not all of them

Ilya

They will be polite

You will show the lady a nice time

Cliff

What if she doesn't want that, considering she is going through a breakup

Ilya

Then you respect her wishes, what is wrong with you

Cliff

No fucking shit you idiot

I mean what if she doesn't want the extra attention

Ilya

Hmm

Is good point

I must go, Shane walked through the door and is glaring at me

Cliff

I hope he puts your phone in parent mode again

3 Cups for Centaurs @censsssssss
Why is Ilya Rozanov trying to set up the CBAT girlfriend with Cliff Marlow

Dazy @censfan
Replying to @censsssssss
the what

3 Cups for Centaurs @censsssssss
Replying to @censfan
Read this CBAT Original Post

My babies @hollanov4life
You know when Roz goes quiet on social media that Shane put him in timeout again

Tim @TimBardo
Replying to @hollanov4life
He is a grown ass man

My babies @hollanov4life
Replying to @TimBardo
Yes and he is the one who told us he gets put in timeout

Shayden Forever @shaydenlvr
Replying to @hollanov4life
Someone save Shane from that menace and bring him back where he belongs

My babies @hollanov4life
Replying to @shaydenlvr
Gross get out of my mentions

Penny @PennyO

I have been told I am supposed to dm you even if this is most likely a prank

I know you play for the Bears but I don't really care for sports, sorry

My brother called me freaking out that some hockey guy was talking about me being set up on a date with you

So here I am

And if this is a prank, it's fine, not like my life can get much worse

Cliff @CliffMarlow

Oh wow, hello

That was a real post by my friend

I'm going to tell him you called him some hockey guy so I can watch his head explode

Sorry about him, didn't know he was going to take the conversation to twitter

Penny @PennyO

It's fine, I'm shocked you replied

I'm not looking to date right now but I wouldn't mind a distraction

Cliff @CliffMarlow

I know you said you're not into sports but we have an open practice tomorrow, I can get you on the list if you want to come watch

Give you a chance to clear your head

Maybe get some satisfaction from watching guys hit each other on the ice

Penny @PennyO

Fuck it, what do I have to lose

Cliff @CliffMarlow

Here's my number, text me your full name and I'll let Stan know to expect you

XXX-XXX-5684

Penny @PennyO

Who is Stan

Cliff @CliffMarlow

He's head of security

Cliff

Are you still in timeout

Ilya

Is not timeout if I willingly handed over my phone

Cliff

You two are into some weird shit

I have an update for you

Ilya

👀👀

Cliff

A lovely lady sent me a message on twitter

Ilya

Is this new for you?

Cliff

Shut the fuck up you dick

She said that her brother called her freaking out because "some hockey guy" mentioned her on twitter

Ilya

………

Some

Hockey

GUY????

Cliff

She isn't into sports

But

I did talk her into coming to watch practice tomorrow

Ilya

!!!!!!!!

I will call you tomorrow afternoon for all details

Big Bears Fan @hairybairy
Guys I'm at open practice today and Marlow walked in with a woman

Bears or Bears @kylelite
Replying to @hairybairy
Hockey player talks to woman, breaking news

Big Bears Fan @hairybairy
Replying to @kylelite
Nah this looked different, like he escorted her to her seat and everything

June @kestrel81
Did Roz actually find the cbat girlfriend for Marlow

Tara @dickrats
Holy shit is it actually her

Big Bears Fan @hairybairy
Marlow came and found her after practice and they left together

Heather @slut4roz
WTF @rozanov81 look what you did

Slippery When Wet @macnchez
I know she's never going to let him play music around her

Ilya

Was very nice meeting Penny

We will have to get together next time we are in Boston

After you lose of course

Cliff

Can't you be nice for longer than a sentence

Ilya

No

Cliff

I don't even know if it's going to go anywhere

She isn't ready for anything and I can respect that

Ilya

Hmm

Will see

Cliff

What does that mean

Stop being cryptic

I'll tell on you to your husband

Ilya Rozanov ✅ @rozanov81
Hello internet. I have been given freedom from phone jail. Thank you for your effort. @CliffMarlow I can be your best man, yes?

Cliff Marlow ✅ @CliffMarlow
Replying to @rozanov81
We just met you weirdo, leave the woman alone

Shane

Hi Cliff. Ilya's lost his phone again, sorry about him

Cliff

It's fine, we both know how he is

Shane

We would love to meet Penny in the future, even if you stay friends

Cliff

I'll let her know. It's been a pretty overwhelming month for her

Shane

Sorry to hear that, is she okay?

Cliff

Did Ilya tell you any details?

Shane

He said he used the internet to find you a date

Cliff

I hate him sometimes

I forget you aren't very active on social media

So there's this post that went viral about a guy who would only fuck his girlfriend to the song CBAT

It blew up and after it went viral, he posted an update that she broke up with him

Ilya found out that she lived in Boston and said that she deserved a good time and apparently that meant me

Shane

What the fuck is CBAT

Nevermind, I looked it up

Pardon me while I go yell at my husband

Instagram post from @CliffMarlow

Caption reads: "Hate to say it but thankful to Hudson Mohawke for creating such a weird song. 1 year down, many more to go @PennyO"

Slide 1: Image of two hands interlocked, assumed to be Cliff and Penny

Slide 2: Video of Cliff holding on to Penny as she tries skating for the first time. You can hear giggles in the background and the camera pans to show the entire Boston Bears team holding up fan signs for Penny

Slide 3: Image at a restaurant booth, Cliff and Penny on one side, Ilya and Shane on the other