Rating:

Mature

Archive Warning:

No Archive Warnings Apply

Category:

M/M

Fandoms:

Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid, Heated Rivalry (TV)

Relationship:

Shane Hollander/Ilya Rozanov

Characters:

Shane Hollander, Ilya Rozanov, Harris Drover

Additional Tags:

Twitter, Fluff and Humor, No Angst, No Smut, Ilya Rozanov Loves Shane Hollander, Shane Hollander Loves Ilya Rozanov, Crack, Post-Book 6: The Long Game (Game Changers), Post-Canon, Social Media, No Beta We Live like Ilya, Fluff and Crack, Married Shane Hollander/Ilya Rozanov

Language:

English

Series:

Part 4 of Just Game Changer things that my brain needs to write

Collections:

so obsessed i might actually watch hockey, made in japan, *Heated rivalry melts my heart*

Stats:

Published: 2026-02-07 Words: 1,124 Chapters: 1/2

Princess Treatment or Bare Minimum?: Shane Hollander Edition

Summary

Shane agrees to participate in a reel (thanks Harris!), so naturally, Ilya’s right there with him. The internet has a lot to say about this viral interview.

Chapter 1

Chapter Notes

Shane steps into frame from behind the camera and drops onto the bench in full gear, skates still on. Behind him, his stall is clearly visible, HOLLANDER stencilled across the nameplate. Harris and Ilya remain off-camera.

HARRIS

We’re going to do something called Princess Treatment or Bare Minimum!

SHANE (confused face)

What’s that?

ILYA

Hollander, you need to be more on the internet.

Shane rolls his eyes.

HARRIS (chuckles)

Basically, I’ll be reading out ten scenarios, and you’re going to say whether that’s like getting princess treatment or if you think that’s the bare minimum.

SHANE (still confused)

So you want me to tell you if Ilya does these things? Or if I do them?

HARRIS

Both?

ILYA

I know I do these things.

SHANE

Ilya, you don’t even know what the scenarios are. Why are you even here?

ILYA

To—

Cuts to a rapid-fire montage of Shane’s goals, overlaid with the number 1.

HARRIS

Texting good morning and good night every day.

SHANE

Bare minimum? I mean, we wake up to each other now, but—

ILYA (interrupting)

Why would you not do this?

SHANE (shushes Ilya)

But when we were long-distance, I would text good morning because Ilya sleeps until noon, and he would text me good night.

ILYA

Shane sleeps at 10 like he wants to be dinosaur like Hunter so he saw good night text when he woke up in the morning.

SHANE

Shut up.

Speeds through bickering, and the number 2 drifts onto the screen.

HARRIS

Buying flowers just because.

ILYA

You only buy sometimes?

SHANE

Um, bare minimum? A few times a week, we get flower deliveries, and they’re always different and based on Ilya’s mood. I had to buy a flower meanings book because he’s sentimental like that. Did you know the language of flowers is called Floriography?

ILYA

You’re a nerd, Hollander. Does Barrett not buy you flowers, Harris? I will talk with him about this.

HARRIS

Troy buys me flowers. These are just questions off the internet, Ilya.

ILYA

But I thought you would pick good—

Cuts to the number 3.

HARRIS

Carrying you when your feet hurt.

SHANE (looks insulted)

I’m a professional athlete—

ILYA

Shane is very baby boy, so obviously I carry him when he is tired or when we are being sexy.

SHANE (continues to look insulted)

Maybe if I’m extremely exhausted when we get home. What does that count as?

ILYA

Is bare minimum, Shane.

SHANE (still insulted)

And what is this baby boy? Is it another internet thing?

Fades through Ilya's explanation to the number 4.

HARRIS

Texting back immediately.

ILYA

Why are there so many texting ones?

HARRIS

You guys were long-distance for a while, so I thought—

ILYA

You are too smart for Troy, Harris.

HARRIS

Like Shane is too smart for you?

SHANE (laughs and shrugs)

I think texting back immediately is the bare minimum. Ilya knows I get anxious if I don’t hear back, so he always texts back.

HARRIS

What if he’s busy?

ILYA

What could be more important than Shane?

SHANE (nods)

Unless we are in a game, we always reply to each other. I mean, don’t you?

A second of silence before it cuts to the number 5.

HARRIS

Letting you try whatever they order at a restaurant.

SHANE

Well, I don’t want to eat what Ilya does, so it doesn’t apply?

ILYA

And I don’t want to eat Hollander’s gross bird food.

SHANE

It’s not gross! It’s a macrobiotic diet, and it’s healthy, like you should also be—

The number 6 rolls across the screen as Shane continues to lecture.

HARRIS

Remembering important dates like birthdays and anniversaries.

SHANE (sighs)

If I let Ilya do this more, he would even celebrate the anniversary of when he first ate—

Shane’s ears turn red as Ilya snickers.

HARRIS

Oh my god.

SHANE (still red)

Can you cut that out? Let’s just say it’s the bare minimum.

ILYA (still snickering)

Hollander, you have to finish the sentence—

SHANE

Bleep the bleep off Rozanov.

The number 7 appears.

HARRIS

Holding your hand while you pee.

SHANE (surprised)

What?! Please don’t give Ilya ideas, I don’t want him to do that.

ILYA

Yes, this is good idea. Maybe we—

SHANE

No.

The number 8 slides across the screen.

HARRIS

Calling you pet names.

SHANE (blushes pink)

Bare minimum.

ILYA

Moy pomidor.

SHANE (almost red from his blush)

Ilyusha.

Harris coos as Shane ducks to control his face. The number 9 on screen.

HARRIS

Writing handwritten love notes.

SHANE

Ilya has beautiful handwriting, and I save all the little notes he writes me, even if it’s just a sticky note that says he’s going to get groceries. So bare minimum?

ILYA (laughs warmly)

I am happy you think so, moya lyubov. I bet Shane has a laminated folder.

Shane splutters but does not contradict Ilya.

HARRIS

Really?

SHANE

It’s better for preserving notes written on non-durable paper and—

ILYA (interrupts)

Shane’s handwriting is like a bird scratching, but I also have all his notes in a box.

SHANE

My handwriting is not chicken scratch!

ILYA

Ah yes, I mean chicken scratch.

Cuts to the number 10 as Shane indignantly argues with Ilya about his handwriting.

HARRIS

Apologising when you’re wrong.

ILYA

Shane is Canadian, so he is always saying sorry.

SHANE (glares at Ilya until Harris calls his name)

Sorry.

Glares again when Ilya laughs.

ILYA

Shane is like angry kitten, yes?

SHANE

Bleep off! But bare minimum, I guess? We’re both in therapy, and we’ve learnt to talk to each other honestly, so we apologise when we need to.

ILYA

Yes, is also very important to apologise when you are always wrong like Shane.

SHANE (annoyed)

Even though Ilya is an asshole, he knows to take responsibility when it’s his fault.

ILYA

Yes, go to therapy and donate to Irina Foundation.

The Irina Foundation logo appears on screen with a link to donate.

HARRIS

Last one is a bonus! Giving head every night before bed.

ILYA

I am good husband, of course I—

SHANE (embarrassed but still looking into the camera)

Uh, bare minimum.

ILYA

Why would you not do this? I saw on the internet that people think this is princess treatment.

Comes around to look at the camera and is too close to the lens, so his face is very much in focus.

If your partner does not do this, you need to break up with them. It is bare minimum.

HARRIS

And on that note, thank you for watching.

SHANE

This was Shane Hollander for the Ottawa Centaurs.

ILYA (leaning back into the frame so part of his face shows)

And this was Ilya Rozanov, I am captain of the Ottawa Centaurs.

SHANE

Ilya!

Chapter End Notes

Thank you so much for reading! It's so very flattering that these fics have so many kudos and comments, but also, how on earth does this series already have more kudos than the wip I've been writing for two years? I really meant to finish the Shane Hollander is secretly a freak in bed fic, but I'm having a bit of writer's block there, so here we go in the meantime. Anyway, I now have three wips to update, a lot of half-written oneshots, many idea notes, and this is the most consistent I've been with my writing in years.

My other fics in the Heated Rivalry Universe, if you'd like to read them :)
(Not) Too Hot to Handle: Ilya Rozanov Version
The Words We Cannot Take Back

My OG WIP Draco/Theo/Hermione fic
Could Be Better, Could Be Worse

Okayyy, so I had this idea because Hermione in this fic has a 'slept around with Muggles in the summer after the war' phase, so I might write an Ilya/Hermione one? I honestly love the idea because Ilya likes nerds, and Hermione likes bad boys? It's a great smut pair, and I dreamt of it last night.

Please let me know what you thought of this, would love to know!