Rating:

Teen And Up Audiences

Archive Warning:

No Archive Warnings Apply

Category:

M/M

Fandoms:

Heated Rivalry (TV), Game Changers | Heated Rivalry - All Media Types, Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid

Relationships:

Shane Hollander/Ilya Rozanov, Troy Barrett/Harris Drover

Characters:

Shane Hollander, Ilya Rozanov, Harris Drover, Scott Hunter (Game Changers), Troy Barrett

Additional Tags:

Fix-It, soft launch, Of a friendship to start with, Relationship Reveal, Coming Out, Competitive Shane Hollander and Ilya Rozanov, Harris Drover is very good at his job, Social Media, Humor, Fluff and Humor, Twitter, POV Shane Hollander, POV Ilya Rozanov, POV Outsider, Ilya Rozanov Loves Shane Hollander, Shane Hollander Loves Ilya Rozanov, Established Shane Hollander/Ilya Rozanov, Mentioned Yuna Hollander, Ilya Rozanov is a Menace, Autistic Shane Hollander, Anxious Shane Hollander, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Happy Ending, Good Friend Harris Drover, Fluff and Angst, Mentioned Hayden Pike, Competitive Shane Hollander, Competitive Ilya Rozanov, Flirting, Banter, Angst, Montreal Voyageurs | Montreal Metros Being Assholes (Game Changers), Homophobia, Roger Crowell Being an Asshole, No Leak of Hayden Pike's FanMail, Nobody Gets Outed, Soft Ilya Rozanov

Language:

English

Stats:

Published: 2026-09-16 Completed: 2026-09-27 Words: 39,107 Chapters: 13/13

The Benefits of Friendship

Summary

Shane and Ilya are coming out this summer. First they need to convince the fans that being competitive doesn’t depend on hating each other at all, actually. With a little [a lot] of help from Harris Drover, it’s all going according to plan. [Well, except Ilya keeps saying that being public friends means they're now officially friends with benefits. Shane did not buy Ilya a ring to be demoted to friends with benefits.]
-----
The camera tracks Shane and Ilya as they race back up the ice. They cross the finish line in a blur of speed and round on Harris.

“I don’t-,” Harris says, “It was so tight. Maybe we call it a draw?”

Ilya throws his arms up. “[Beep], is not a f-[beep]-ing draw, is-”

“Harris, what the [beep]?” Shane shouts, eyes wide. “What do-”

The two of them abruptly fall silent.

“Um, sorry, sorry.” Ilya shrugs.

Shane flushes. “Sorry, yeah, sorry Harris.”

“So I’m guessing,” says Harris, “you want a re-do?”

“Cannot be a tie,” Ilya says at the same time Shane says, “draws aren’t a real thing.”

Harris can’t help it. He bursts out laughing.

Chapter 1: Closet Space

Shane doesn’t understand how he ended up here. Well, he does. Of course he does. It’s just hard to remember right now. Standing here in Ilya’s Ottawa kitchen opposite Harris Drover, a small stack of signed NDA’s resting on the table between them.

It’s all a good idea though. He knows it is. But his breathing is too shallow and he can’t remember why this was supposed to work or how they can even hope to-

“Shane. Shane.” Ilya’s back. Back in the room now, standing in front of him, gripping both his shoulders. “Shane, breathe. We do not have to do this. Not if you do not want to, okay?”

Shane feels himself be tugged forward into Ilya’s arms, the tight grounding pressure pulling him back into his body.

“We do not have to do this, okay sweetheart?”

“No, no.” Shane draws in a deep, slow breath then another. “No, it’s a good idea. I want too. Just, maybe, can we go over it one more time? The plan, I mean?”

“Okay, okay.” Ilya smiles, pressing a soft kiss to his lips before drawing back. “Okay, we can do that, come sit. We can go over everything with Harris first, yes?”

“Yeah, yeah, okay.”

It had started with a stupid listicle Shane should never have read but that somehow turned out to be very useful. Not because of its ridiculous list of ‘Fifteen Ways to Guarantee Happiness in Your First Year of Marriage.’ That had all been fucking useless. Obviously. Shane had been wondering how he’d spiralled deep enough to be reading a paragraph titled ‘Creating harmony and peace when co-habiting with a partner,’ when he’d suddenly seen it. Realised he’d fucked up. Again.

‘When living with a romantic partner, it’s vital you both feel you have equal space and importance within your home as well as your relationship. Simple things like sharing choices around how to decorate the house, or ensuring you both have equal closet space for clothes storage, can go a long way in-”

Okay, never mind the literal closet, that didn’t matter. The actual closet though. The one they were both in together. Except it wasn’t together, was it? Because it wasn’t split equally, not at all. Ilya had tried to tell him that too and Shane had...Fuck, he had got mad and anxious and...and jealous of Barrett, even.

But Ilya had been right. Shane had his parents and Hayden and Jackie, not to mention Rose. Who did Ilya have? Svetlana. That was it.

Someone who spent half her time in Boston and the other half all the way back in Russia.

Sure, Ilya had Shane’s parents too but they weren’t on Ilya’s side of the closet, were they? Shane remembered telling Ilya that didn’t matter. His parents loved Ilya. They would always want to be there if Ilya was having a hard day. But that wasn’t really true. If Ilya was having a bad day then yes, his parents would be there. Of course. Without a doubt. But if Ilya and Shane were having a bad day? If they had a falling out or another fight?

On boxing day Shane had called his Mom. Of course he had. But Ilya? Ilya hadn’t. Ilya couldn’t call on Shane’s parents at a moment like that. Not really. Which was what Ilya had been trying to tell him and Shane had just, what? Dismissed him? Not understood? Again.

This was the reason for reading the stupid advice articles in the first place. Because Shane had missed things. Big, important things and he wasn’t going to do that again. Not if he could help it. So, he’d been trying to...he wasn’t sure exactly. It’s not like you could google 'important things you might miss when in a secret relationship with your depressed arch rival who is bad at talking about his feelings.'

But still, he was going to do better. Ilya would try not to keep things from Shane when he was suffering and Shane would try not to miss the things he should have already known. Like that Ilya had quit a Stanley cup winning team for Shane without once complaining, just to give them a real chance at a relationship. Because Shane had asked him to.

So, no, he was not going to miss anything else if he could help it.

Except he already had, apparently. Fuck.

But no, this was okay. Well, not really but it was okay in that he’d seen it now. He’d got what Ilya had been inexpertly trying to tell him for all this time and so now he could fucking fix it. He could fix it.

Equal closet space. Secret to a happy relationship and all that. Or should that be how to have a happy secret relationship? It wouldn’t even be secret for much longer. Not after this summer. But still, at least he had finally caught on and it wasn’t too late yet. He hadn’t lost Ilya. Ilya was his fiancé. Shane was not going to lose Ilya. Not to a fucking plane crash and not to his own stupid blind spots either.

So Shane had picked up the phone and called Lily. The result of which was that Ilya’s side of the closet now included Troy Barrett, Harris, Bood and Wyatt Hayes. Four people in Ottawa, plus Svetlana. To match Shane’s side of the closet with four people nearby as well as Rose who was forever living in different places.

Then Ilya had decided they should ask Harris for ideas about how to manage the online fallout when they came out this summer. Which was smart. Of course it was.

Somehow all that had brought Shane to right now.

Sat at this table trying to control his breathing, Ilya’s fingers digging into the muscle of his thigh to keep him from spiralling further. All while Harris talked about soft launches and public friendships and the size of their collective online footprint.

“So,” Harris says, “the heart of it really is about motivation, I think. That’s what we came up with when Ilya and I first talked this over?”

“Motivation?” Shane feels like this isn’t getting any clearer.

“Yes,” Harris nods, smiling. “The perception is that you’re rivals, right? Nobody really buys the whole friend angle. It was a good idea but you never followed through on being seen in public outside of the Foundation camps each summer. So it didn’t take off. Got stuck being perceived as a PR friendship instead, by most people at least.”

Shane winces. Just another thing that’s his fault. Ilya’s hand tightens on his thigh and he tries to offer Ilya a smile. Tries not too look so guilty, even though he is, really.

“Hey, no, we are here now,” Ilya cuts in. “We are here now together. That is what matters, yes?”

Shane nods, forces another smile. Under the table he places his hand over Ilya’s. Tangles their fingers together.

“Sorry, sorry,” Harris continues. “Not a criticism. Honestly, I’m just in awe of how long you’ve managed all this. The secrecy and all this press scrutiny and pressure from the league. Anyway, yes, so, everyone thinks you’re rivals. Rivals who are very competitive because you hate each other. But that’s the issue, you see? The truth is, you are competitive because it’s fun and because you are both the only real challenge for each other. Because you push each other. Because it should be lonely at the top but it isn’t because you’re in it together. At least, I think that’s about right? From what Ilya said last time anyway. Does that sound right to you, Shane?”

“Um, yeah, yeah that’s it. Pretty much that, yeah.”

 Shane’s chest fills with sudden warmth at the idea of Ilya sitting down and telling Harris all the reasons they have always loved to compete, to push each other. All the same reasons Shane has held tight to for years. Since he was seventeen probably. Even when he could never have admitted to himself how much less alone he felt for sharing the pressure and the spotlight with Ilya.

“So, it’s about motivation,” Harris says again. “People think you two compete so hard because of the hate. We need to show them you can be competitive and like each other at the same time. That the rivalry was never driven by hate. You two compete because its fun. Much easier to go from competitive friends to competitive husbands. That’s a narrative that builds. You can bring people along with you. At the moment, if you take out the hate – like by announcing a marriage – everyone will assume you take out the competitive drive too. That’s what we need to avoid.”

Oh. Right.

“That...” Shane takes a breath. “That actually makes a lot of sense.” More than that, it actually sounds like it might work.

Ilya knocks their shoulders together. “I told you, Harris is very good at his job, yes? Best social media manager in the league.”

Harris laughs. “Enough with the flattery. I’m still not making you a GIF set of every time Hayden Pike has fallen getting off the ice.”

“Ilya, what the fuck? You actually asked for that?”

“But there are so many.” Ilya does his best to look put upon. It’s not really working. “I would not, sweetheart, but he makes it so easy. Professional athlete should not be falling over so often. I cannot help it.”

“You’re an idiot,” Shane says and tries not to look like he’s had that exact same thought watching Hayden fall going over the boards at least twice this month already.

“Anyway, okay,” Shane says, “this....this sounds really good actually. So, how do we convince the internet we’re, what, competitive friends?”

“Shane,” Harris shrugs, “I don’t know if this is the way to say this but...you are competitive friends. I’ll just give you something to compete over, hit record and then edit out all the parts where you look like you’re about to jump each other. I’m documenting you as you are, just with a few things cut out since you’re still in the closet for now. I don’t need you to act like anything but yourself.”

“Oh.”

Shane combs back through half a lifetime of media training and talking to cameras and can’t come up with a single time someone has asked him to be himself on film.

“I’m not sure I know how to do that.”

“Is okay,” Ilya says, smiling at him. “I will be very annoying.”

“What? Why? Why would you do that? Is that supposed to help?”

Ilya shrugs. “Yes, I think so. Probably.”

“Whatever.” Shane turns back to Harris. “Okay, right, so we’ve got the NDA’s Mom had signed for the other staff and today we’re starting with bowling? Is that right?” What he wants to say is ‘Bowling? Really?’ but, well, that would probably be rude.

“Yep,” Harris says, grinning. “Bowling. Should be fun, right? Okay, great, well if everyone is on board then lets head over and get started, shall we?”

Chapter 2: A Little Friendly Competition

@IrinaFoundationOfficial:

Our two founders were both in Ottawa this weekend. Catching up and, as ever, competing. This time at the bowling alley.

If you enjoy this video then please consider donating and remember, taking a break from other commitments to relax and recharge can be a great way to look after your own mental wellbeing.  

Not that these two competing could ever be classed as relaxed. Still, what works to let off some steam can be different for all of us and these two certainly have their own approach...

[Video begins]

“You’ve really never been bowling before?” Shane asks.

Shane and Ilya are standing alone in an empty bowling alley.

“No, Hollander. Why would I have done this?”

“Do they not have bowling in Russia?”

Ilya scoffs. “No, Shane. We have bowling.”

“So, what, never even for, like, someone’s sixteenth birthday party or something? That’s sort of what everyone did in Ottawa.”

Ilya just raises his eyebrows in answer to that.

“What?”

“Ah, I do not think you want to know about parties I went to at sixteen.”

“Ah. Oh, okay. Yeah, probably not.”

“No, there was one.” Ilya grins, eyes bright. “You will like it. Was when Svetlana turned seventeen, yes? We stole самогон her father would make at home. Is like, um, what is the word, moonshine, yes?” Ilya grins. “We broke into training rink.”

“You stole home brew moonshine from Sergei Vetrov, the Boston hall of famer, and what? Went skating? When you were drunk?”

“Yes, was great. We should try it some time, no? Drunk skating. Is much harder than you would think.”

“I...I’m not sure I wanted to know any of that actually either.”

Ilya just shrugs. “Anyway, point is...I am not first draft in bowling, yes? You have advantage here.”

“Oh yeah, you trying to back out?”

“Ah, no, I did not say this.”

“Well, if you’re scared to-”

“Uhh, no, I am not f-[beep]-ing scared Hollander, f-[beep]-ing start already.”

“Okay, I’ll make you a deal,” Shane says, stepping a little closer.

All at once Ilya has all of his attention trained on Shane. “Ah, yes? Tell me then Hollander. I am listening.”

“Loser has to do push ups for however many points they lose by.”

“Hmm, okay, is good deal. I will enjoy watching you sweat, yes? This is the saying?”

Shane just rolls his eyes and walks to pick up a bowling ball from the rack. “You wish, Rozanov.”

“Ah, we will see, yes?”

“Yep, we will,” Shane says before stepping forward and bowling a perfect strike.

Ilya groans, tipping his head back. “Uhh, I hate you. You have been watching YouTube, yes? Studying for this? So boring, Hollander.”

“Nothing wrong with being prepared.”

Ilya just shakes his head. “You are too perfect. Is very annoying.”

“Whatever you say, Rozanov.”

Ilya grins and picks up a bowling ball. His first couple of attempts are a little wobbly though still impressive for a first try. The third time, he matches Shane in getting a strike.

“What the fuck?” Shane glares at Ilya. “I thought you’d never done this before.”

“Hmm, well, you would not understand but I am professional athlete. So I have natural talent, yes? Is, how would you say, genetics.” Ilya holds Shane’s gaze and winks.

Shane grins and shoulder checks him on the way to get his next bowling ball. Ilya laughs and tries to trip Shane as he passes.

“Two minutes for tripping,” Shane calls, pointing at him.

“Oh yes? And you would like me to sit where?” Ilya is grinning now, arms raised in silent question.

“Well,” Shane says, walking up until they are standing nearly chest to chest, “there is always the floor.”

“And who will be making me sit on the floor,  Hollander? You?”

Shane makes a sudden move to tackle Ilya, grabbing for his waist. Ilya jumps back just out of reach, a huge smile splitting his face. “Oh no, Hollander, you are too slow, very sad. Canada will be so disappointed in you. They will be sending letter to your mother.”

“Don’t f-[beep]-ing start,” Shane says, clearly struggling not to laugh.

The video speeds up then, fast cutting through Ilya and Shane making a series of impressive shots. Shane wins the first game, though Ilya is fast catching up on points by the time they play their last frame.

Ilya immediately challenges Shane to a re-match.

“No, [beep] you, I won.”

“Ah, but we can have real game now that is not my first try, yes? You will not win again.”

Shane just rolls his eyes. “Best of three.”

“Okay, yes, best of three.”

Ilya takes the second game by just fifteen points.

“Maybe,” Ilya says, leaning in close to Shane as he speaks, “I will be first draft in this too, hmm? Even though I did not go to very boring teenage parties.”

“Oh for- You are such an asshole, you know that?”

Ilya just steps in closer, eyes locked on Shane, grin stretched wide across his face. “Yes, you have said this before, I think. Maybe a few times.”

Shane shakes his head, turning away. “You are so...”

“Incorrigible, yes?”

“Where the [beep] did you learn that?” Shane says, then freezes.

Ilya smirks, delighted.

“No, no, I didn’t. I didn’t ask!”

“Ah but you did, Hollander. Is too late.”

Shane squeezes his eyes tight shut. He sighs. “Okay, okay, fine, I give in. Who taught you that word?”

Ilya beams. “Your Mama.”

Shane groans, dragging both hands through his hair.

“Every f-[beep]-ing time.”

“What? Is true.”

“Yes, I know.” Shane turns and looks straight at the camera. “I know it’s true. That’s the problem.”

“Um, guys,” Harris says from behind the camera, “I feel like I’m missing some context here.”

“No, no, is no context, Harris. Do not worry. Is just Yuna Hollander is always very kind, no? Always helping me with my English. She is very good to me, no?”

The scene cuts to a shot of Shane standing alone beside the bar, Ilya no longer present on screen.

“Okay then Shane,” says the voice of Harris, “can you maybe fill us in a bit?”

Shane groans again and tips his head back before focusing on the camera. “You know, I have almost never seen Ilya actually ask for help with his English. Not once. We’ve known each other since we were seventeen and he’s basically never directly asked about a word or what something means. Never. Apart from with my Mom. Every single time. Just so he can learn some word I would never expect and then when I ask where he learned it, he can f-[beep]-ing grin at me like he’s won the f-[beep]-ing face-off or something and say, ‘your Mama.’ And like, its not even untrue. The other day it was ‘expeditious.’ Before that it was ‘biddable,’ which, like, how does that even come up...? I tried to ask Mom but like...He’s started going with her to all the legal meetings for the Foundation, you know that? Just so he can...And its...That’s- it’s like, I can’t even say anything because...Its not like its even untrue and Mom is just always so happy to help him so, y’know, I can’t even...”

From behind the camera, Harris makes a noise like he’s trying very hard not to laugh. The video shakes a little as Harris fights for control.

“And you know the worst part?”

“What Shane? Please tell me the worst part?”

“The worst part of all the ‘Your Mama’ jokes is...The worst part is...” Shane stares down the barrel of the camera, completely straight faced. “My Dad. The worst part is my Dad f-[beep]-ing thinks its funny. He tries to hide it but...” Shane shakes his head. “He really thinks it’s funny and Ilya knows he does, too. It’s a f-[beep]-ing nightmare, honestly.”

Ilya saunters into the shot, a shit eating grin on his face. “Ah Shane, you are telling whole world how I am your Mama’s favourite son. Is true, yes?”

Shane looks at the camera again and then turns and walks out of frame.

Ilya smiles even wider. “It is true. I am the favourite. She said this last month. Twice.”

From off-screen Shane calls, “she was joking.”

Ilya just nods in the direction of Shane’s voice. “See, is true. She said it. I am new favourite son.”

Behind the camera, Harris makes a strangled sound then clears his throat.

The video cuts back to a shot of the bowling lanes set up ready for Shane and Ilya’s final deciding game.

They are both looking more focused now, though both are still sporting matching grins as they re-set the scores ready for their third and final match.

In the end Shane wins. Barely.

He fails to tamp down on his smirk as he tallies the final scores. There’s only thirty points in it across all three games.

“On the floor, Rozanov. Give me thirty.”

“Fuck you,” Ilya says, his eyes intent on Shane but he drops to the ground.

Ilya does the thirty press ups with ease. Harris makes sure to get a good number of close up shots.

“Ah, Harris,” Ilya says without slowing down, “you know what the internet wants, yes?”

Harris laughs. “That is my job.”

“Alright,” Shane calls, “alright, enough helping him show off.”

Ilya finishes his set and jumps back to his feet. “What? Showing off for the internet? I do not need help for this.”

“Yes, we know.” Shane sighs and shakes his head. “You do remember you just lost, right?”

“Ah, is whatever. I will win next time so.” He shrugs, turning to Shane with a grin. Shane flips him off then turns and begins to walk towards the exit.

“Hey, Hollander, come back. You are giving me lift, no? In your boring ugly car. You do not want to be done with me so soon. Would be so sad for you. What will you do for whole rest of the weekend? You will miss me.”

Shane turns and calls over his shoulder. “Shut up. I’m just going to bring the car around. I know you know we’re going for lunch at my parents after this.”

[Video ends]

Chapter 3: [Not] Out Takes

Chapter Notes

@NHL_Iced_Tea:

Okay but we HAVE to talk about this new Hollander & Rozanov video.

[Re-shares video by @IrinaFoundationOfficial ]

@RozanovUpdatesUnofficial:

You can’t just drop this on a random Tuesday @IrinaFoundationOfficial What the hell? I was not prepared. [Also here’s your donation, thank you so very much, send more please, we are waiting ]

@LetsTalkPuck24:

Only Shane Hollander would take a break from serious competition with his rival to unwind by competing [so fucking seriously] with his rival.

@HockeyHotties retweeting @LetsTalkPuck24:

I mean...you’re not wrong but like, I think this is the only time I’ve seen the words Shane Hollander and unwind in the same sentence and thought, you know what, I think he might be?

• Comment: Probably cos he won

@RaidersRaidersRaiders:

Hollander Hockey Robot charges up by getting additional one on one chirping time with Ilya Rozanov. Why is this simultaneously the most and least surprising thing I have ever learned on the internet?

@AlwaysAtTheRink:

God but that video is so funny. Crying laughing at these two idiots (affectionate). Why are they taking bowling so seriously? Rozanov has never even done it before?

[Re-shares video by @IrinaFoundationOfficial ]

@Hollanov2481:

Oh I am about to be so fucking annoying about this. You have been warned, I mean it.

[Re-shares video by @IrinaFoundationOfficial ]

@IceIceIce2481:

Ilya Rozanov and Shane Hollander, incapable of being normal about competing against each other. God I love these hockey idiots.

[Re-shares video by @IrinaFoundationOfficial ]

@OttawaAlways:

Is it weird that I actually really like that they don’t hate each other. I dunno, its just kinda nice.

[Re-shares video by @IrinaFoundationOfficial ]

@BostonBornAndBred:

I didn’t know Rozy could smile like that 🤨 Anyone else ever seen like an actual genuine smile from the guy?

@WhatThePuck:

Hollander has a personality? Shane Hollander has a personality?

@ThatsMyMetros24 retweeting @WhatThePuck:

Yeah, and it’s being **fondly exasperated** with Ilya Rozanov

@BuffaloOnTheIce:

Bros, my dudes, fucking relax! It’s fucking bowling, not the fucking Olympics. Who fucking cares who wins?

@RozRozRoz retweeting @BuffaloOnTheIce:

Honestly, I don’t think they have any other gears. They’re rivals for a reason.

• Comment: Yeah but its fucking bowling
• Comment: I don’t know 🤷‍♂️ You’re watching the same video I am.

@FaceOffDot:

Oh so like, they legit don’t hate each other? That whole friendship deal wasn’t a stunt after all?

• Comment: I mean, looks pretty friendly to me?
• Comment: Really? Looks like they might murder each other more like?
• Comment: Yeah but in, like, a friendly way
• Comment: What does that even mean?
• Comment:🤷‍♂️🤷‍♂️I’m just saying. Looks like they’re pretty tight. Mad competitive but still tight, y’know?

@HockeyIsLife:

Ilya Rozanov knows Hollanders parents? Oh we are so far past PR friendship. He’s going to lunch with them. He’s making Shane’s dad laugh by gently winding up the Shane Hollander. Why is this the nicest we’ve ever seen Rozanov be to anyone?

• Comment: You call that nice? Guy seems like a bit of an asshole to me.
• Comment: Tell me you don’t know puck without telling me you don’t know puck

@BostonCars247 retweeting @HockeyIsLife:

I’m still stuck on Hollander’s parents liking the Ilya Rozanov. I mean, how did that even happen?

@TalkIceToMe:

Why is this whole thing giving ‘excited ten year olds getting to go on an outing with their very best buddy’? Like, granted with a LOT more swearing but even then...If I hadn’t seen the video I would honestly not have believed it. I think they might really like each other. Guys, what in the...?

@MetrosStan4Life:

Why the FUCK did nobody tell me Shane Hollander is funny?

@HollzyWatch24 replying to @MetrosStan4Life:

Dude, calm down, we weren’t like gatekeeping this knowledge from you. None of us fucking knew either

@BostonBabesUnited:

Ilya Rozanov developing a new genre of entirely respectful your mama jokes just for his arch rival turned new best friend? I’m sorry but that is NOT a PR friendship

• Comment: Its not normal either
• Comment: I’m sorry but is it your first day here? Its Ilya Rozanov. Nobody ever said anything about normal.

@ChironsCentaurs:

Ilya Rozanov and the brave new world of entirely true your mama jokes is actually my favourite thing maybe ever?

@MetrosMetrosMetros:

Oh my God, am I going to have to actually start liking Ilya Rozanov now?

• Comment: I mean, you don’t have to?
• Comment: No, no, I think it’s too late already. No backing out now.

@HollanderIsGOATed retweeting @MetrosMetrosMetros:

Yep, too late for me too. Apparently this video is my kryptonite. Save yourselves everyone, it’s too late for me. I’m already lost.

@HockeyGirlzzzz:

Ilya Rozanov and the siren song of ‘Who taught you that word?’ ‘Your Mama,’ said with a smile bigger than the Cheshire cat. You have seduced me, sir. It’s happened. I’ve gone over to the dark side.

@MetrosMayhem:

Hollander dead eye staring at the camera though. That fucking golden delivery of ‘my dad...he thinks its f-[beep]-ing funny.’ No cos like bro is funny as fuck. How did we all not fucking know this?

@TheFutureMrsRozanov:

His arms though. His shoulders. Those push ups. Oh to be a bead of sweat running down Ilya Rozanov’s bicep

• Comment: Alright, alright, get a room
• Comment: I think you mean join the queue. Anyone know where Rozanov parties these days?

@RozanovPleaseCrushMe:

Sorry, don’t mind me, just buying some more incense for my alter to whichever deity blessed us by making Ilya Rozanov completely unaware of the existence of shirts with sleeves.

• Comment: If this is the new religion, consider me a disciple. Amen, sister 🙏

--

Ilya sits down at his kitchen table and tugs his laptop towards himself. He opens up his emails.

There at the top is the pinned email from his lawyer. The email from his lawyer containing the confirmation that he’s received his permanent residency. Ilya knows he has a letter now telling him the same thing. It’s all officially recorded somewhere too, obviously, and acknowledged by the Canadian government. But still, it helps to have the email pinned there at the top as a reminder. Especially now they have kicked off this whole process with Harris.

Not that they’d be doing any of this if his PR hadn’t come through, but still. The first video is up now and it’s everywhere already. Fucking finally. Ilya grins and glances at the rest of his emails. He spots one from Harris and clicks.

--

[Email from Harris Drover to Ilya Rozanov]

Subject: Ilya and Shane [are not] out takes

(Sorry, couldn’t resist the terrible pun.)

Hi Ilya,

So, I’ve been thinking – you probably couldn’t really save many pictures for a long time, right? I had to delete just a few pictures of me and Troy in the month or so we were secret and it honestly was just awful.

So, I thought you might like to keep these? As in, all the parts I had to cut from the final video because the way you are looking at each other is much more ‘I am going to marry that man’ and not so much ‘my good buddy Shane Hollander and/or Ilya Rozanov’

I actually think the way Shane is looking at you during those push ups might be considered NSFW. Much more OnlyFans than hockey twitter anyway.

You two could download the videos to a personal hard drive for safe storage if you were worried about hackers or anything like that.

Anyways, so, yeah, in a last ditch attempt to still sound professional here – thank you for your time last weekend Ilya Rozanov and please see attached.

[Video files attached]

--

Ilya clicks open the attachment as well and finds thirteen separate video files.

Fuck.

They don’t do this. They don’t even have photos. Not really. Ilya is probably going to cry. He can feel it already. The pressure building behind his eyes.

He is also so turned on he can’t quite see straight. Fuck, why does this keep happening to him? It can’t be a normal combination of emotions, right? Maybe he shouldn’t have googled the definition of NSFW before he’s even watched the videos.

Ilya types out a quick reply to Harris despite the maelstrom of emotions he’s currently suffering from. Because, through everything, he feels blindingly grateful to have a friend who would think to do this for him. For them.

--

[Email reply to Harris Drover]

Thank you Harris. If I was not already very in love with Shane, I would marry you for this.

--

Ilya sits back on the couch and scrubs a hand across his face. He takes a few deep breaths, pulls up the email on his phone, downloads the videos, casts his phone through to his huge flat-screen TV set up and presses play.

When Shane arrives later that day, he takes one look at the living room – the ‘out takes’ video still paused on the TV, box of tissues sitting on the coffee table and a half-empty bottle of lube on the couch – and rounds on Ilya.

“Oh my God, really?”

“What?” Ilya shrugs. “Like you would not have done the same?”

Shane flushes at that but doesn’t deny it. Ilya decides not to tell him that the tissues had also been very useful when he had cried his eyes out.

“I mean...” Shane tries.

“Ah, we can watch together if you want? Or I can do more push ups? I think you liked that.”

Shane glares at the ground for a moment then turns his face up to Ilya with the exact same expression he’d been wearing in the video. Ilya smiles and pins him to the wall.

Chapter End Notes

 

Ilya interacting with Shane for the last ten years is a steady increase of -

Ilya: Fuck, why do I feel so many emotions about the sex, is that normal?

 

Chapter 4: All Stars on Home Ice

@IrinaFoundationOfficial:

The All Stars game is fast approaching so here at the Foundation we had our own little competition to see who could finally claim best in the league. At least until next year that is.

If you enjoy seeing our All Stars hit the ice together for this video, please consider donating. All donations, however small, are greatly appreciated.

[Video begins]

Ilya and Shane are standing against the boards at the Centaur’s training facility. The rink is empty around them. They are both in skates and full practice gear, leaning they’re heads together as they talk.

From behind the camera, Harris calls out and they both skate out to join him at centre ice.

“Okay,” Harris says from out of frame, “so today we have the Irina Foundation’s inaugural Home Ice All Stars skills competition. First up is shot accuracy and then after that we’ll have a go at fastest skater, okay?”

Ilya nods, grinning.

Shane bumps Ilya’s shoulder and flashes a smile. “Ready to lose, Rozanov?”

Ilya just laughs. “Ah, you are very confident today Hollander. Don’t worry, will not last.”

“Okay then, first of all,” Harris says, “you both said, and I quote, ‘we must make a deal first otherwise it’s no fun,’ so, shall we start with that?”

“Yes.” Ilya rubs his hands together, smirking. “Okay so, Hollander, when you lose to me then for forfeit, I have perfect thing, okay?”

Shane just rolls his eyes. “Spit it out, Rozanov.”

“Okay, when I beat you then you must come with me to McDonalds.”

Shane splutters.

“Is okay,” Ilya continues, “you do not have to eat anything. I know you will not do this. Is like putting wrong fuel in very expensive sports car, you will break if I make you eat McDonalds. But you come with me. We go together.” Ilya pauses and grins. “And you watch me eat McGriddles sandwich and you do not say even one mean thing about it.”

Shane opens his mouth, shuts it again, goes to speak, freezes. “I-”

“What Hollander? I have broken you already? You will not get slow just from sitting near sandwich, I promise.”

“[Beep] you.”

Ilya just raises his eyebrows.

“Okay.”

“Yes?”

“Okay, fine. We can go to McDonalds.”

“And you will be nice. For the whole time.”

“Yes, okay, whatever. I will be nice about it.”

“And I take photo of you. At McDonalds.”

Shane grits his teeth.

Ilya’s grin widens. “I need new phone background so,” he gives a shrug, still smiling.

“Okay. But just one photo.”

“Of course. I am not a cruel man, Hollander. One photo is enough.”

“Alright. [Beep] you but yeah, okay. Not that I’ll lose to you but whatever.”

Ilya just raises his eyebrows, lips twitching. “Whatever you say, Shane.”

“When I win,” Shane says, “you...”

“Yes Hollander, what do you have for me that is so terrible?”

“You have to drink one of my breakfast smoothies.”

“Er, no. No. No, Hollander, this is sabotage. You will kill me. You know you cannot beat me on ice so now you are going to murder-”

“Jesus Christ Ilya, its a smoothie. You can’t die from eating kale. It’s probably healthier than ninety percent of everything I’ve ever seen you eat!”

Ilya folds his arms across his chest and shakes his head. “You will murder me.”

“You are such an idiot.”

“Okay, okay.” Ilya puts his hands up. “I will not be drinking it because I will win so does not matter.”

Shane grins. “Maybe if you were a bit more confident about that, you wouldn’t be so worried about one little smoothie.”

“Shane, even you do not like the smoothie and I do not think you eat anything that does not taste terrible.”

From behind the camera, Harris sighs. “Well, that was...enlightening. Okay, okay... so, we have our stakes, apparently. I think maybe I still don’t understand athletes. Anyways, we have our stakes. Shall we get set up for the shot accuracy competition then guys?”

The scene cuts to a shot of one of the goals set up with the four targets in place for the accuracy competition. Ilya is standing ready in front of the goal and Shane is off to the side holding a timer.

“Ready?”

Ilya grins. “Always.”

“Okay,” Shane says, “ready, set, go.”

Ilya fires off four pucks in rapid succession. He hits each of the four targets on his first attempt, stick moving with lightning fast surety. Ilya turns to the camera after, arms spread wide, a triumphant grin plastered across his face.

“Six point eight seconds.”

“Oh yes?”

Shane lifts one shoulder. “Not bad.”

“Hmm, we will see, yes? Give me timer.”

The two of them swap positions, Harris handing Shane his stick. 

The video cuts and the targets in goal have been reset.

“Okay Hollander, do not be too nervous, you will be okay. Is not so embarrassing to lose to best in the league.”

“Second best,” Shane fires back without looking up, adjusting his grip. “And I’m not losing.”

Ilya laughs, eyes bright. “Okay, ready? Yes, okay then. Ready, set. Go.”

Shane shoots each of the four pucks with his famous textbook perfect technique, hitting each target one after another, movements fluid and unhesitating.

Ilya looks down at the timer in his hand. “Blyat.”

“Lets f-[beep]-ing go!” Shane crows, skating a smooth circle around Ilya, a broad grin on his face.

“What was the time?” Harris asks.

“Six point six.”

“Christ,” Harris says, “point two of a second. That’s practically a tie.”

“What? No it isn’t. I won.”

Ilya laughs. “Careful Harris. Golden boy Shane Hollander will not be happy if you say these things. He is almost as competitive as his Mama, yes? All those Lady Byng awards are a lie. He is monster. You will see.”

“Hey, what’s that supposed to mean?”

Ilya just winks at the camera over Shane’s shoulder.

The scene cuts and Shane and Ilya are back to leaning against the boards, standing shoulder to shoulder.

“Okay then,” says Harris from behind the camera. “Stakes for fastest skater.”

Shane grins, turning to Ilya.

“Okay, so, if- when I beat you, I want you to say five nice things about Hayden. On camera.”

“About Pike?”

“Yes.”

“Five things?”

“Yes.”

“Okay, I-”

“And they can’t be nice things about his kids or Jackie. They have to be actually about Hayden.”

Ilya visibly deflates. “Shane.”

“Nope, that’s the deal.”

“I hate you.”

“I’m sure.”

“Uhh, okay. Okay. If I lose. If. Then I will do this. But if I win...” A wide grin steals its way onto Ilya’s face. “You will take me to your cottage. Next time we are both free. I have seen ESPN special, Hollander. You have mansion. Whole mansion right next to lake just for you. We must go, yes?”

Shane takes a deep breath, lets his shoulders drop. “Okay. Okay, if you win, which you won’t, we can go to my cottage on the next day we both have off.”

Ilya smirks. “And you will give me tour? Shane Hollander’s fortress of solitude?”

Shane shakes his head but he’s smiling, a light flush spreading across his cheeks. “I still can’t believe you watched that.”

“Alright,” says Harris, “that’s all settled? Everyone happy with the terms?” They both nod, Ilya is grinning again. “Okay then, fabulous.”

The scene cuts to a wide shot looking down the full length of the smooth, deserted ice. “Okay,” says Harris. “For fastest skater, we are going to have you race. Starting from the goal line here, all the way down to the other end of the rink and then back. I’m going to stand off to the side there so I can film and have a good view to judge the winner if it’s close. Sound good?”

They both nod their assent and line up ready to start.

Ilya elbows Shane in the ribs and they turn to grin at each other a moment, then fix their attention forward, gazes set.

Harris steps off to the side, trains the camera back on the two waiting athletes and calls out, “Okay, ready. Set. Go!”

Shane and Ilya both explode forward over the line. Movements powerful and exact, they both stay neck a neck, picking up speed. They turn at the same time at the far end of the rink and charge back up the ice. Ilya seems to be drawing ahead but Shane puts his head down and claws back the distance between them. They cross the line together, both breathing hard and round on Harris to see who made it across first.

“I- honestly, you were both so close together. It looked, I mean, maybe we call it a draw?”

“F-[beep]-ing bull-[beep],” Ilya shouts, arms raised, “was not f-[beep]-ing [beep] draw. What is this? Is not-”

“Harris, what the [beep]! I was f-[beep]-ing, what do you f-[beep]-ing mean it was a-” Shane cries, eyes wide.

The two of them abruptly fall silent, looking sheepish.

“I mean...” says Ilya.

“Sorry, sorry Harris,” Shane says, face flushed.

“Yes, sorry Harris, was not, uhh. Sorry. But we can do it again? Cannot be tie. This is not a thing, yes? Someone has to come first, there is no...”

“Yeah, exactly. A tie isn’t... It’s okay, we can just go again. Maybe you can use the like, slow-mo setting on the camera? To do a, y’know, a photo finish?”

There’s a moment of silence from Harris then he bursts out laughing. “Okay, okay, I get it, no ties, fine. Yeah, sure, that’s a smart idea, lets go again and I’ll have the slow-mo ready for the finish line this time, okay?”

“Perfect. Okay, good. Thank you Harris,” Ilya calls, heading back to the starting line.

“Yes, that’s great. Thanks Harris.” Shane gives a self-conscious half shrug then turns and lines up beside Ilya.

“Okay, take two,” Harris says, still laughing a little. “Ready. Set. Go!”

They both charge down the ice again, side by side, making the turn in sync and racing back towards the camera. Ilya seems like he might have the edge on Shane, just slightly, but they pass the finish line together in a blur of speed. Both turn immediately to Harris, faces hungry.

“Okay, too close again, lets check the slow-mo replay. One second. And...[beep] that’s tight. But, okay, yeah. Yep. That’s Ilya. Ilya takes this one. Sorry Shane.”

“Davai. [Beep] yes!”

Shane groans, hanging his head, still breathing a little fast.

Ilya skates up to Shane and drapes an arm around his shoulders. “Don’t worry, Hollander,” he says, jostling Shane. “Is much better this way. I did not have five nice things to say about Pike, so,” he grins, “is much better like this.”

Shane shoves at him, laughing. “[Beep] off, f-[beep]-ing asshole. He’s not that bad. I know you like him really.”

“Ah, no, Hollander, is slander. You take that back.”

“Come on idiot, lets go shower. F-[beep]-ing hell.”

Still grinning, Shane begins to tug Ilya across the ice in the direction of the locker room.

The video fades to black then returns to show a clean spacious kitchen, morning light streaming in through the large windows lining one wall.

The shot pans across the kitchen to show Ilya leaning against the counter and Shane sat on a bar stool beside the table. Placed in the center of the wooden table is a single large glass of green smoothie.

“Okay,” comes Harris’s voice from out of shot, “so Ilya was kind enough to let us use his kitchen to film this today. Right, so, Ilya, are you ready?”

“Eh, no, I do not think so but is whatever.”

Shane picks up the smoothie and hands it to him. “Don’t be such a baby.”

“You are very bad friend, Hollander, you know this?”

“Whatever, Ilya. Just drink the smoothie already.”

Ilya eyes it suspiciously then turns to glare at Shane.

Shane grins. “Go on, no backing out now.”

Ilya sighs and takes a tentative sip from the glass. His whole face twists up into a grimace. “Uh, Shane, no. How do you drink this every day? There is something wrong with you, I think.” He takes another sip. “Oh my God, Hollander, is awful. Is even worse than I thought. You are crazy person.”

Shane just shakes his head, lip twitching. “How are you even a professional athlete?”

“Hey, I am very professional.”

“Ilya, you smoke.”

“Only sometimes.”

“You had a cigarette at the rink yesterday.”

Ilya shrugs. “Ah and I am still faster than you, yes Hollander?”

“[Beep] you and drink your smoothie.”

Ilya groans, hanging his head. “Hollander, you are evil. So cruel to me. I will not survive.”

Shane just raises his eyebrows, glancing at the still mostly full glass. Ilya tips his head back and drains half of it in one go then shudders, making a face.

Shane laughs. “I don’t understand how you can drink that vodka you always have like its nothing but you can’t handle a simple smoothie.”

Ilya stares at Shane, appalled. “You did not just compare good Russian vodka to world’s worst smoothie. Hollander, no. I cannot listen to this. Is treason.”

Shane stares back straight faced though he can’t quite stop his shoulders from shaking. “Go on Ilya, drink up, it won’t bite.”

Ilya sighs and swallows another mouthful of smoothie. “You know, I think is worst thing I have ever put in my mouth and that is-”

[Video ends]

Chapter 5: This Is Not Romantic Smoothie, Hollander

@MetrosStan242:

New Irina Foundation video just dropped and I was not ready

[Re-shares video by @IrinaFoundationOfficial ]

@OttawaOnTheRise:

Ok but why was watching this the best part of my day actually

[Re-shares video by @IrinaFoundationOfficial ]

@CanadianIceIsBetter:

The FORFEITS. The forfeits. Oh my GOD. Laughed so hard I scared my dog.

[Re-shares video by @IrinaFoundationOfficial ]

@RozanovUpdatesUnofficial:

Ok, everyone go watch this right now. I NEED to talk about it already.

[Re-shares video by @IrinaFoundationOfficial ]

@HockeyHotties:

Oh I am dying laughing at this. What the fuck is wrong with them? (I love them. I love them both so much)

[Re-shares video by @IrinaFoundationOfficial ]

@MontrealSpinSessions:

I don’t even go here and I can’t stop laughing at this. Am I going to have to start liking hockey now? 🤨🤨

[Re-shares video by @IrinaFoundationOfficial ]

@HollanovHusbands:

Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God.

[Re-shares video by @IrinaFoundationOfficial ]

@FreshOffTheIce:

The fact that those shot accuracy times would have won either of them 1^st place at the actual All Stars event though...

@HockeyIsLife retweeting @FreshOffTheIce:

They really have always just been competing against each other, huh? I mean, why even invite anyone else

@HockeyHotties retweeting @HockeyIsLife:

Oh, you know ‘Why even invite anyone else?’ is the kinda judgy shit these two are texting each other when the All Stars invites go out.

@IceThePuck retweeting @HockeyIsLife:

Love that the Irina Foundation isn’t even trying to pretend they don’t know it, either. I see what you did there, writing ‘to determine the best in the league’ and then it being just Hollander and Rozanov.

• Comment: Oh hell yeah. The Foundation knows who their founders are all right. No hedging needed.
• Comment: Exactly. They’re the best of the best. Always have been. There’s no third place for a reason.

@BostonBabesUnited:

Rozy’s face when Hollander said he had to drink one of his smoothies though 💀💀💀

@OttawaOnTheRise:

Rozy’s face when he was actually drinking the smoothie. Thank you @IrinaFoundationOfficial that is the most I’ve laughed in a long time.

@BostonHockeySupplies:

‘I did not have five nice things to say about Hayden Pike.’ 💀💀💀

@MetrosMetrosMetros retweeting @BostonHockeySupplies:

Oh, ok, I see where we all went wrong. The real enemies were Ilya Rozanov and Hayden Pike this whole time.

@OttawaAlways retweeting @BostonHockeySupplies:

‘I will make allowance for one Metro and one Metro only and that is Shane Hollander because he has actual talent at hockey.’ – Ilya Rozanov, probably

@RateMyRink_USA:

Ok but they have to be genuinely such good friends for Roz to know the worst thing he could ask for from Hollander was ‘sit inside a McDonalds and be chill about it.’

@KatsHockeyChitChat:

Rozanov using his bet to be like ‘if I win, you have to sit next to me and be nice to me about my sandwich.’ Seriously? Is he ten years old? Thank you for the video @IrinaFoundationOfficial I will now make this my entire personality

@Hollanov8124 replying to @KatsHockeyChitChat:

Or did he just want an excuse to be seen out eating together in public? You know, like a date?

@HollanovOriginal:

Screaming, crying, throwing up. Look at them. Just look at them together. Oh my God they are so in love.

@NHLoreDrops:

The league’s biggest asshole talking to Shane-chronically-polite-Hollander: If I win, you have to be nice to me for the duration of one [1] whole meal

What is happening? Are we in the upside down world? Help, I’m so confused

• Comment: Yeah, clearly a lot more to Hollander than he lets on. Starting to make sense why he might be friends with Roz of all people 💀

@HollanovAreInLove:

Adyjgfjlyyfgjk oh my GOD. I may never recover from this actually. Did you see the way they were looking at each other?!? Uhh my heart 🥹🥹🥹🥹

@HollanovsFirstFan:

The inside jokes. The flirting. The looks.

How are we supposed to survive ten years of almost no content and now this? I am bouncing off the fucking walls. Ok, deep breaths my fellow Hollanov shippers, we got this

• Comment: You’ve got something alright
• Comment: Get this shit off my timeline 🤢
• Comment: Ok, somebody get the straightjackets.
• Comment: I fear straightjacketing all of the NHL to stay safely within hetero-norms is exactly what they’re reacting to, actually.
• Comment: Christ, can’t people ever just be friends anymore? Enough with the woke agenda bullshit. Its hockey, for fucks sake
• Comment: Wasn’t aware hockey talent made you incapable of being gay but ok, sure Kevin, whatever you say
• Comment: My name’s Brad
• Comment: Ok, sure Brad, whatever you say

@RozRozRoz:

‘you do not have to eat anything. I know you will not do this. Is like putting wrong fuel in very expensive sports car, you will break if I make you eat McDonalds.’

Think you dropped this Rozy...👑

@BostonCarRepairs retweeting @RozRozRoz:

Oh, the Rozanov friendship burns are my new favourite thing actually.

@AtTheBoyAquarium:

Not me laughing at Hollander being so dramatic about McDonalds only for Rozanov 10 seconds later to be like ‘You are going to >> murder << me.’

Sir, its a smoothie, please sit down

@HollanderIsGOATed:

The way these bets are teaching me more about Shane-extremely-private-Hollander than ten years of his media interviews. What do you mean he won’t even sit next to a McGriddles breakfast sandwich (?!?)

@ChironsCentaurs:

Oh so they might be like the two most competitive people to have ever lived actually

• Comment: Ah, nope, you heard Rozy. Hollander’s Mom is apparently somehow worse.
• Comment: And we all know Roz does not lie when it comes to Hollander’s Mom 😂😂😂

@NHL_Iced_Tea retweeting @ChironsCentaurs:

Well, we already knew this actually but always good to get a reminder.

@NHL_Iced_Tea:

Also good to learn that Hollander’s Mom is even more unhinged about hockey than he is. Duly noted, thank you for your services, Ilya Rozanov 🫡

@BostonBornAndBred:

So we can all agree this isn’t the first time they’ve made bets like this, right?

@HockeyTalk24_7 replying to @BostonBornAndBred:

Oh yeah, absolutely they have been doing this.

@FaceOffDot:

At what point in their enemies to besties friendship arc do you think the bets started? Because I’m thinking early, right? 👀👀

@Hollanov2481 retweeting @BostonBornAndBred:

Oh you just know they are freaks about it too. What we’re getting is just the PG13 version.

• Comment: Oh God, how do I erase reading this from my brain
• Comment: Yes, yes, yes. You are so right about this
• Comment: This is the definition of an inside thought. Not a ‘lets put this on fucking twitter’ thought

@EyesOnTheCup replying to @FaceOffDot:

If you’d told me a month ago that Hollander and Rozanov were making bets on games, I would have wanted an investigation into cheating allegations. But this... 🧵 1 / 2

@EyesOnTheCup:

 ...this is like whatever the opposite of collusion is. If this is what’s been getting us a decade of the best modern hockey ever played, then by all means boys, don’t stop on my account.  🧵 2 / 2

@HollanderStan2444 retweeting @EyesOnTheCup:

That’s all very well but what I really want to know is at what point in their enemies to bromance arc they sat down and decided to start a mental health charity? 🤨

@HollanovNation:

Oh you know its on when the straights are starting to say ‘bromance.’

@HockeyGirlzzzz:

The way Hollander and Rozanov both immediately started shouting at Harris for suggesting that maybe [oh no, the horror] it might be a tie.

@AlwaysOnTheIce replying to @HockeyGirlzzzz:

YES. Oh my God, so funny. And then the way they were both immediately like, hang on, wait, wait, that is Harris, our FRIEND, we need to pretend to be normal about this.

@NHL_Iced_Tea:

Harris: So...what if that race was actually a draw?

Hollander and Rozanov: 🔪🔪🔪 You take that back Harris, right now

• Comment: 💀💀💀
• Comment: Its not even the actual All Stars, can they fucking relax for just one second? Jesus
• Comment: No. No I really don’t think they can.

@SamWatchesHockey35:

Oh, ok, I get it now. The way you deal with that one overly competitive person in the friend group is to find them another equally competitive person and then let them both run off into the sunset together.

• Comment: *race each other into the sunset
• Comment: You know what, that is a fair correction, yeah

@HollanovNation:

Oh yes, just two ‘friends.’ Just two ‘friends’ racing off into the sunset together. A thing ‘friends’ famously do. ** facepalm ** Its right there, people, right there.

@OttawaAlways:

So we’re all just collectively ignoring the Hollanov accounts and their shared delusion then?

• Comment: Yep
• Comment: Yes
• Comment: It’s the only way, you cannot reason with them. Trust me, I tried 🙄
• Comment: No, no. Not ignoring. Laughing at.
• Comment: I mean, the Hollanov shippers might kinda have a point though? Have you seen the way NHL Nightmare Number 1 and 2 are smiling at each other? I didn’t know The Russian Terror or The Hockey Robot were capable of looking at anybody like that 👀👀
• Comment: Oh no, folks, we lost another one. Very sad day for sane people everywhere

@RozysGirl8181:

No but Rozy and that smoothie though. His face. Get my poor baby away from that thing.

@LetsTalkPuck24 retweeting @RozysGirl8181:

Poor baby? Do you need me to send you a compilation of his fights last season or...

@BostonBabesUnited replying to @LetsTalkPuck24:

No, no, @RozysGirl8181 is right. We have to protect Ilya Rozanov from *checks notes* green smoothies...? 👀🤷‍♀️

@CanadianIceIsBetter:

Ilya Rozanov: ‘No, Hollander, please, I will die. You are trying to murder me.’

Your Honor, this man is an idiot. I rest my case.

@BostonBarCrawlsLtd replying to @LetsTalkPuck24:

I am surprised we didn’t get a murder when Hollander said that about Russian vodka though

• Comment: Me too, honestly
• Comment: Yeah, that’s a drop the gloves moment for sure
• Comment: NOT the good Russian vodka * clutches chest *

@ChironsCentaurs:

‘You will not get slow just from sitting near sandwich, I promise.’ 💀

@MetrosMetrosMetros:

I bet somewhere Hayden Pike is cursing Hollander for losing that one at the photo finish. So close too.

@ShaydenAreInLove:

Shane: If I win, you have to be nice to my boyfriend

Rozanov: If I win, we will go on a romantic weekend together

Stop. This man is evil. He’s trying to break up Shane and Hayden.

@Shayden4Life retweeting @ShaydenAreInLove:

Exactly. Home wrecker behaviour from Rozanov. I don’t trust him. Shane’s too good for him. No wonder Hayden hates him. It all makes sense now.

@PuckIsLife111 retweeting @Shayden4Life:

Aghhh my eyes. What is this and how do I never see it again? Can you block an entire RPF ship. Jesus.

@AlwaysAtTheRink retweeting @ShaydenAreInLove:

Ok there’s crazy and then there’s this. I...I don’t even know where to begin with this one. The delusion runs too deep.

• Comment: Exactly, Shane clearly only has eyes for Ilya. Hollanov is not threatened by Pike 🙄
• Comment: Yeah, and Ilya is just so gone for Shane too. Have you seen the way Shane keeps making that man smile 🫠😍
• Comment: Oh no, it got worse. Nurse, come get them away from me, please!

@SkateBigOrBagSkate:

AlwaysAtTheRink - ‘These Shayden shippers are so delusional.’

Hollanov shippers in the comments - Yes, exactly

@SkateBigOrBagSkate:

** facepalm **

@HockeyFightCuts retweeting @ SkateBigOrBagSkate:

You can say that again. Somebody get this trash outta here, Christ

@SeeYouAtCenterIce:

Shane Hollander’s fortress of solitude? Did Rozanov just correctly quote the voiceover to Hollander’s ESPN special from like 4 years ago? There’s being rivals and then there’s whatever that is 👀👀👀

@Hollanov4Life retweeting @SeeYouAtCenterIce:

Ahhh I just can’t. They are just so in love. I honestly don’t know how I’m supposed to act sane about these videos. [ sits at laptop and vibrates at a frequency high enough to be picked up by sonar ]

--

[Email from Harris Drover to Ilya Rozanov]

Hey Ilya,

I know I already sent you the out takes from the rink but there’s a couple more from the footage we shot at your house this morning that I thought you might want to have.

(This may be my favourite job I’ve ever worked on, by the way.)

Anyway, something something professional sounding sign off etc.

See you for dinner tomorrow at mine. I’m making apple pie with my Nana’s old recipe, should be great. And yes, before you ask, Chiron will be there too.

Harris

[Two Video Clips Attached]

--

[ Attachment 1 - Out take video clip begins]

“Again, Ilya, we are not friends with benefits.” Shane says, glaring at Ilya.

Ilya smiles. “Yes,” he waves a hand towards where Harris is standing behind the camera at the other side of the kitchen, “we are.”

Shane shakes his head, still frowning.

Ilya walks over and rests his hands on Shane’s hips. “We were hook-ups, then boyfriends, fiancés and now,” he grins, “friends with benefits.”

Shane opens his mouth but Ilya talks over him.

“In public we are friends.” Ilya presses a quick kiss to Shane’s lips. “And benefit is I am taking you for dinner tonight. At horrible salad bar you always want to order from.”

“I- really? You booked the salad place?”

“Yes, because I am very good friend.”

“Fiancé.”

“Yes, exactly, is what I said,” Ilya replies, leaning in for another kiss.

[Out take video clip ends]

--

[Attachment 2 - Out take video clip begins]

Ilya takes another sip of smoothie and grimaces.

He looks at the camera. “I do not think me and Hollander can be friends anymore.” Ilya turns back to Shane. “No, I do not think so. We are not friends now. Will have to be lovers instead.”

“Uh, Ilya, gross. I thought we agreed we weren’t going to use that word.”

“I do not think you know meaning of gross, Shane.” Ilya gives the smoothie a pointed look. “Ah, or lovers. Because we are definitely-”

“Do not.”

Ilya tips his head back and laughs.

Shane just sighs. “You still have to finish that, y’know?”

“Uh, Hollander, please. I am getting there. Is very difficult, you know. Some of us still have sense of taste.”

“Oh my God, you’re such a baby.”

Ilya turns back to the camera. “This is like Hunter and Kip romance but for horror movie, you know this, yes?”

From behind the camera, Harris snorts.

“What?” says Shane.

“Ah,” Ilya grins. “Kip told me and Troy at the Kingfisher last time. Their whole romance is smoothies. But not green. Ones with fruit. No kale. No spirulina. No-”

“Oh for fuck’s sake. Just drink the smoothie, okay? It’s actually good for you.”

“This is not romantic smoothie, Hollander. You want to have worse relationship than Hunter and Kip? You want us to be-”

Shane takes a step forwards.

“Okay, okay, I am drinking it, relax. Is terrible but I am drinking it, yes? Because I am very good fiancé. The best probably.”

“Oh for-”

[Out take video clip ends]

Chapter 6: Race You There

@IrinaFoundationOfficial:

With playoffs on the horizon, our founders are ramping up the intensity even further and training hard. Join us as we tag along for a training run with the NHL’s greatest rivals.

[Video begins ]

Ilya and Shane are both dressed in running gear and standing together beside a walking trail at one of Ottawa’s local parks.

From out of shot Harris clears his throat and they both turn to look at the camera.

“So, do you two train together often?”

Ilya shrugs, looking to Shane. “Sometimes.”

“Yeah, sometimes, when we can. It can be good to train together but we can be, well...”

“A bit competitive?” says Harris.

Shane laughs. “Yes, that.”

Ilya grins. “Yes, is very good for intense training day. But...”

Shane nods. “Yeah, for recovery or maintenance training days it’s not ideal. We tend to get a bit, like, caught up, y’know?”

Harris laughs. “What you’re telling me is you couldn’t do all your training together because you don’t, um, have any other gears when your with each other?”

Shane shrugs, looking a bit sheepish. “Yeah, we did try but...”

Ilya just shakes his head, looking at Shane with a fond half smile. “Yes, is always more like new PB than regular training run, no?”

“Yeah, exactly.”

They shrug at each other, both grinning.

“Okay then,” says Harris, “so what’s the plan for today?”

“Just some good cardio,” Shane says. “Running. Split sprints. Eight sets. Nothing too complicated.”

Beside him, Ilya just nods.

Shane adds, “oh, and we’ll race the sprints, obviously.”

Ilya scoffs. “Yes, I think they can guess this, Hollander.”

Harris chuckles. “Okay, great. Sounds good. And I’ve got this nice quadbike you guys hired me so I can keep up. Alright then, ready to get started?”

“Almost,” Shane says, turning to Ilya. “Same as last time, okay?”

Ilya tips his head back and groans.

“What?” Shane throws his hands up. “I just don’t want to be repeating sprint races because you stopped to pet a dog and claim that makes it unfair. Pet a dog during the jogging splits, fine. But I’m not re-doing a race if you lose.”

Ilya turns to the camera and shakes his head. “He is like dictator. Very cruel.”

“You’re so ridiculous. Anyway, lets start, yeah?”

The scene changes to a shot of both of them running beside each other, the camera keeping pace with them as they head out across the park.

“Okay, first race split,” Shane calls, glancing at his watch. “Alright, starting in three, two- hey, [beep] you Ilya, come back.”

“Ah, come on, Hollander,” Ilya shouts over his shoulder, Shane already racing after him, “or are you scared? Too slow maybe? Cannot catch up?”

“Shut the [beep] up,” Shane spits out as he draws level.

Ilya barks out a laugh and picks up speed.

The video fast cuts through the first seven race splits. Shot after shot of one of them claiming victory over the other. Shane with his arms raised, grinning wide, eyes glinting. Ilya laughing, jumping back out of reach as Shane swats at him. Both of them breathing hard, heads up, gazes fixed straight ahead as they sprint. Racing side by side through the trees along yet another park trail.

They end the seventh racing split in a wide clearing, both fighting to get their breath back. Ilya pulls in a few deep breaths then spreads his arms in triumph, turning to Shane. “Ah, ah, ah, is four for me now, Hollander. You are too slow today. Very sad for you.”

“[Beep] you,” Shane pants, breathing hard, hands on his knees.

Harris laughs, still out of shot and calls out to them. “Okay, so, to recap, Ilya has four wins, Shane has three. One more jogging split left and then its the last race. So if Ilya gets it, he takes the win overall. If Shane wins the last race, that makes it a t- I mean, I guess we go again?”

Shane nods, leaning over to spit on the ground. “Yep, no ties.”

“Alright, well then,” Harris laughs, “may the best hockey player win.”

Ilya grins and winks at the camera. He turns and starts to jog onwards again.

Shane shakes his head and follows after him, drawing level with a small smile.

The scene switches to a wide angle shot. Shane and Ilya both racing fast along a trail cutting through an open field blanketed with snow. Ilya has the lead just slightly, both are leaning forward as they run, heads up, chests heaving. Both straining to claw out one last burst of strength.

Quietly, Harris’s voice mutters, “okay, its first to that crossroads there. Looks like Ilya might take it. Wait, no, Shane’s gaining again. Going to be close.”

They both careen over their appointed finish line together, Ilya half a step ahead as they reach the crossroads. He lets out a wild shout, arms spread wide. Then he slows, running back to where Hollander has his hands on his knees again.

“F-[beep]-ing yes! Yes! [Beep], uhh, I need some f-[beep]-ing water. [Beep].”

The camera cuts back on a close shot again. Harris leaves the camera propped up a moment and enters the frame  to hand them each a water bottle.

Ilya takes a long drink, then waves the bottle toward the camera. “This...” he takes another breath, “see, this is why we cannot do this for every training. We would both die, I think. Would be no good. Still, is very good for sometimes, yes?”

He reaches over to ruffle Shane’s hair. Shane glares at him.

“Aw, so sad, Hollander.” Ilya loops an arm over Shane’s shoulders while Shane continues to scowl at the camera. “See, Mr Sportsmanship is all a lie. He is terrible loser. So mad. Almost as mad as Yuna when she is losing at Yahtzee, yes? If league is asking me, then no more Lady Byngs for Shane Hollander. They only think you are very good, very generous sportsman because they cannot beat you, yes?”

Shane shoves him off, his hair all rumpled, still glaring.

“See,” Ilya says, “so grumpy.”

“I think you just have that affect on people.”

Ilya laughs, delighted. “Ah, Hollander. You are my favourite, yes? Is shame you are not faster but...” he shrugs, a shit eating grin splitting his face.

“[Beep] off, you asshole,” Shane draws himself back together again with a nod of his head. “Alright then, so what’s your prize this time?”

“Hmm, I am thinking...”

Shane squints at him, waiting.

“I am thinking I take you clubbing, no? Ottawa is very boring, true, but still there are places to go. We will go dancing, yes? Maybe even find some good vodka...”

Ilya leans in closer to Shane, still grinning. Shane sighs.

“Okay, yeah, fine. We can go to a club or whatever. After playoffs are done though. I’m getting the cup first.”

“Okay, yes, good. Once Ottawa wins cup this year, I will make you come out and celebrate with us, no? Lots of vodka. Go dancing.”

Shane rolls his eyes. “After we win then yeah, okay, fine. You’re not coming out partying with the Metros though, they’ll murder you.”

“What do you mean, Hollander? They love me. I hear Comeau is very big fan of mine, no?”

Shane just shakes his head and drains the rest of his water bottle.

The scene fades out to black then cuts back in to earlier in the day, as they’re all making their way through the park to the start of their chosen running route.

Ilya is chatting to Harris. From up ahead, Shane calls out to them.

The camera pans to show Shane looking back at Ilya with a warm smile on his face. He points at something behind the trees, out of sight around a curve in the path. “Ilya, come on, there’s a puppy for you to meet.”

Ilya takes off running.

The camera view rounds the bend in the path to reveal Ilya crouched on the ground, a black and white spotted Border Collie puppy cradled in his arms. The woman walking the dog is looking down at him delighted.

“Aw, look at that, he likes you,” she says.

Ilya gives a beaming smile. The puppy tries to lick his face and Ilya’s smile just gets bigger. “Ah, look at him, he is too cute. What is his name?”

“Oh, my son named him. He’s called Spot, because of the-”

“Ah, yes.” Ilya laughs again, still beaming. “Because of the white spots. Just look at you, Spot. Uhh, he is so tiny. Shane, we do not need to go run today. I will just stay here with Spot, I think. Is better.”

Shane comes to stand next to him, looking down at Ilya with a wide smile. “Oh, you will, will you?”

Ilya scratches the puppy behind the ears and laughs as he squirms. “Yes, who needs to play hockey when I could just hang out with dogs all day. I have enough money already. Just look at his little face, Shane.”

Harris chuckles. “I thought that was why Ottawa got a team dog, eh? To keep you from retiring?”

“Ah, true, okay, I will still be Captain. For Chiron.”

Ilya carefully sets the puppy back on the ground, thanking Spot’s owner.

She just shakes her head. “Oh, no, that’s quite alright, really. I think you’re his new favourite already.”

The puppy knocks his tiny head against Ilya’s shin. Ilya abandons all pretence of leaving and crouches down to pet Spot some more, a huge grin on his face.

“I don’t know why the whole league still thinks you’re terrifying when really you’re all...” Shane gestures at Ilya, who has caved and picked up the puppy again already.

“Yeah, Roz,” says Harris. “You’re cute, really.”

“Hey, what, no! I am big scary Russian. Terror on ice, yes?”

Shane laughs. “Sure, Ilya, whatever you want.”

“[Beep] off, Hollander, do not ruin my reputation.” Ilya scowls at him then goes back to cooing at the puppy.

Shane just turns his grin on the camera.

Harris laughs and the video launches into a series of cut shots of Ilya stopping to pet every dog they encounter on their way to the start point. He is equally as excited every single time. Stopping to throw sticks, toss a Frisbee, pick up a tiny little elderly lap dog and attempt to pet one huge and energetic young Great Dane.

As Ilya runs up to yet another dog, calling out to the owner, Shane turns to the camera and sighs.

“He always gets so happy, you know? Every time we come here. It takes like twice as long to get a run in here as it does going to the other parks but,” Shane shrugs. “He always looks so happy.”

Off screen, Harris laughs. “Oh, I know. That man needs to get a dog. I think it might constitute an actual emergency at this point.”

“It’s just that with the hockey schedule... Maybe we can help him figure something out though. I’m a bit worried otherwise that I’ll call in to see him one of these times and he’ll actually have stolen someone’s dog and taken it home, you know?”

[Video ends ]

Chapter 7: Better View

Chapter Notes

@RozRozRoz:

New video! New video! New video!

[Re-shares video by @IrinaFoundationOfficial ]

@HockeyHotties:

Ah the next episode of my favourite hockey idiots is out. Oh I have been waiting for this! 🍿🍿🍿🍿

Also, here’s my subscription money, I mean, donation, @IrinaFoundationOfficial Keep the videos coming please!

[Re-shares video by @IrinaFoundationOfficial ]

@AlwaysOnTheIce:

Oh God, laughing too hard right now. They cannot train together all the time because they have precisely zero chill. Oh my God, I love these hockey freaks.

• Comment: To quote Ilya Rozanov – ‘We would both die, I think.’
• Comment: And having watched the video, I’ve gotta say, he ain’t wrong

@ClarasGymDiary23:

Aww they got Harris a quadbike so he could keep up. Thank you for the very normal non-athlete representation Harris ❤️

• Comment: I also see Harris has learned not to trigger these two by suggesting the notion that *in a whisper* sometimes nobody comes first
• Comment: Shhhh, not so loud, they might hear you!

@HollanovOriginal:

Oh my God, look at them. The flirting, the eye contact, the soft smiles. #swoon

[Re-shares video by @IrinaFoundationOfficial ]

@HollanovNation:

Aww, I see you there, Ilya. Wanting to take your man out to the club 😍🕺🌈🥵

[Re-shares video by @IrinaFoundationOfficial ]

@BostonProTrainingLtd:

Damn, those split sprints look brutal. Rozanov is right. That is way too fast for a normal training run. 8 sets. At that speed. Christ. Yeah, definitely not for every day or they’d both be in danger of overtraining and performance deficits on the ice.

[Re-shares video by @IrinaFoundationOfficial ]

@MetrosLoyalist101:

Ok, gotta admit I didn’t get how being rivals and friends was supposed to work. But the whole not being able to train together all the time because they’re too competitive is pretty funny

@HollanovsFirstFan:

So what was that someone said about racing each other into the sunset...

[Re-shares video by @IrinaFoundationOfficial ]

@ColdIceHotTakes:

Ok, really never thought I would see Ilya Rozanov - world famous shit talker - unironically say to Shane Hollander, ‘you are my favourite.’

Oh, it is definitely a bromance, people.

• Comment: He did then proceed to bait him for being too slow in the very next breath. But, yes, I will take your point

@HollanovOriginal retweeting @ColdIceHotTakes:

Ok, yeah, a ‘bromance.’ Sure Karen, whatever you say.

@Hollanov4Life replying to @ColdIceHotTakes:

Yeah, you know what would be a hotter take though. Just saying, just saying 🤷‍♀️

@HollanderHockeyGod:

Take a shot every time Rozanov baits Hollander about being slow 🙄🙄

[ Don’t. Don’t do this. You might die. ]

@JensHockeyWatch87:

Shane Hollander: Ready? Okay, three, two, hey fuck you, come back!

I love these stupid boys so much. God, you can just tell they are having such a good time together ❤️❤️❤️

@AmeliasTravels272:

If I see one more screengrab today of that super hot hockey player beaming while cuddling a tiny puppy, I think my ovaries are going to explode

• Comment: So I guess you don’t want to know about all the pictures on his Instagram of him and the team puppy then?
• Comment: Oh, you mean the ones where he’s shirtless? No, I’m sure you wouldn’t want to see those. No, definitely not.

@HockeyHotTakes101:

[Two photos side by side. The first shows Ilya Rozanov headed to the penalty box after a fight, eyes shining and a manic grin on his face. There is blood on his teeth. The second photo shows Ilya grinning, shoulders relaxed and curls a mess as he plays with a dog at the park. ]

Excuse me, but how are these both the same man 👀👀👀

@OhOttawaMyLove retweeting @HockeyHotTakes101:

Within Ilya Rozanov there are two wolves...but one of them just wants to play fetch.

• Comment: Yep, that’s the Russian Terror. At the **checks notes** dog park? 👀👀
• Comments: Likely places for him to be, honestly.
• Comment: Yep. Number 1 reason to be an Ottawa fan is their social media is mostly just pictures of Ilya Rozanov holding the team puppy and looking happier than a kid on Christmas
• Comment: Oh my God, are you for real right now? How did I not already know this?! Omw over there right this second 🏃‍♀️💨

@ChironsCentaurs:

Ilya Rozanov talking to Shane Hollander and Harris Drover: You are going to ruin my reputation with all of this.

Yuna Hollander in the background: Fix it, honey. They’re going to fix your reputation.

• Comment: Ilya Rozanov being dragged kicking and screaming into having a good reputation is actually so funny to me
• Comment: Yeah, and you can see him trying to resist it too but just hand him a puppy and that man is immediately too delighted to look all mean and scary
• Comment: Is....Is Ilya Rozanov a sweetheart? Has he been hiding this the whole time? What in the...

@Hollanov2481:

Shane middlename Hollander, you get your man a dog right this second, you hear?

• Comment: To be fair to him, I think he’s already trying
• Comment: Shane Hockey Hollander is choosing to delay his training run so his boyfriend can pet all of the dogs because it makes him smile so much. Yeah, ok, that’s love actually
• Comment: Ok, but when you put it like that it makes me kinda want them to be in a relationship now just because this would be such a sweet thing to do

@MetrosStan2424:

[ Screenshot of Ilya Rozanov cuddling an old and very ugly lap dog with rough wiry grey hair. The dog is licking his palm and Ilya is looking down at it with a soft smile. ]

Ok, this is my breaking point, I think. Officially don’t know how I can keep hating this man after watching this.

@RozRozRoz retweeting @MetrosStan2424:

Breaking news, we got another one, folks.

@RozanovUpdatesUnofficial replying to @MetrosStan2424:

Yes. Come over to the dark side. There’s puppies and making fun of Scott Hunter.

• Comments: No, no, you’re underselling it. There’s shirtless Roz holding a puppy photos.
• Comment: And five minute ‘Ilya Rozanov punches Dallas Kent’ fight compilations.
• Comment: Ok, ok, now we’re talking.

@SamForTheCentaurs:

So, hey there Harris @OttawaCentaursOfficial My new very best and most wonderful friend Harris, can we have more Ilya Rozanov hangs out with Chiron pictures please (!!!!)

• Comment: Or any other dogs, we’re not fussy
• Comment: Yes, this. Please pretty please Harris!
• Comment: Oh my God yes please
• Comment: yes, this, exactly
• Comment: Please Harris. Thank you Harris.

@SuzieOutAndAbout retweeting @SamForTheCentaurs:

Seconded.

@MarySmithson454 retweeting @SamForTheCentaurs:

Thirded. Lets get back to our roots, everyone. This is what the internet is supposed to be for, people.

@OttawaCentaursOfficial:

We are sorry to say that we don’t currently have any more as-yet-unshared photos of our Captain and Ottawa’s most important team member, team dog Chiron. But don’t worry! When we do have more photos, we will be sure to share them with you all.

@ThatHockeyLesbian retweeting @OttawaCentaursOfficial:

Oh no. Ilya Rozanov will have to hang out with the team dog some more. He’s going to hate that. The things hockey players have to do for content these days.

@BostonBabesUnited retweeting @ThatHockeyLesbian:

Yes, exactly. How ever will they persuade him to get photographed again holding his favourite dog...oh, wait 👀

• Comment: Ilya Rozanov *banging on the doors of the Centaur's home rink as we speak* Is okay, I am here, I can pet dog for you. Please let me pet the dog for you

@SkateSkateSkate:

I know this is not how anything works but I am quite literally restraining myself right now from starting a petition to get that man a dog. He doesn’t want 8 million a year. He wants a dog, God damn it!

• Comment: Well, I think he probably wants the 8 million too
• Comment: God, can you imagine? That would be the most spoiled dog to have ever lived actually

@Hollanov2481 retweeting @SkateSkateSkate:

What about a petition to let Shane and Ilya live happily ever after? No more hiding. No more being in the closet. Just the two of them and the 15 dogs Ilya is going to force them to adopt.

• Comment: The NHL needs to answer for this. Let our boys [and the dog they are definitely getting] live.

@HollanovHockeyFreaks:

Oh my God. The way Shane is looking at him. Oh he is so soft. That smile. Calling him over to see the puppy. Oh my HEART. I can’t. He just loves that man so much. You cannot tell me otherwise.

• Comment: Ok, well, I wasn’t going to argue actually. I’ve learned my lesson already about picking fights with the truly deluded parts of hockey twitter.
• Comment: Yeah, exactly. It just ain’t worth the time. May as well leave them to it.

@Metros4Life:

Sore loser Shane Hollander has my whole heart actually. Look at that man’s face. Oh he is mad mad.

• Comment: No more Lady Byngs for you Hollander. Lmao. Your secret is out now.
• Comment: No but family game night at the Hollanders must be a fucking blood bath. I’m just saying.
• Comment: Oh yeah, it must be fucking carnage. No wonder Ilya Rozanov loves this family so much. He must be living for this secret bitchy Hollander family drama.
• Comment: What is there to do in Ottawa, you ask? Play Yahtzee with the Hollanders and see if you can make it out alive.
• Comment: Oh my God, you’re totally right, he must love this! Genius take, honestly.

@OttawaOutAndProud:

Harris: Ilya Rozanov not owning a dog constitutes an emergency, actually.

Sorry Harris but you are so unserious and we love you for it.

• Comment: Er, I don’t know what you are talking about actually. This is an emergency, get him a dog already.

@NHL_Iced_Tea retweeting @OttawaOutAndProud:

Quick. Somebody call the ambulance. Ilya Rozanov hasn’t gotten to pet a dog in over 24 hrs, he might not make it.

• Comment: It’s ok, I’m sure Shane Hollander will find him another dog to pet before its too late. After all, what are bros for if not this?

--

[Email from Harris Drover to Ilya Rozanov ]

Hey Ilya,

Thanks for the quadbike, I actually had so much fun and the footage came out great.  

And I’m so sorry again about that second video. But don’t worry, I really don’t think it will matter that we didn’t end up filming anything yesterday. There’s plenty we can do just with all the footage we already have of you and Shane with the dogs from the park. It should actually work out great, I think. And, you know what they say, the number one rule of social media content creation is you really can’t go wrong with cute animal videos on the internet.

Anyway, as promised, here’s all of the out takes.

See you at the rink tomorrow. Oh, and Troy said to say hi. And then he said not to put that in the email because it might be weird. But I’m putting it in anyway because I’m trying to get him used to the fact he actually has real life genuine friends now. Exposure therapy or something.

Alright, love from us both,

Harris

[Ten video files attached]

--

[ Out take video clip 1 begins ]

The camera shows Shane and Ilya running together up ahead on the trail, during one of their jogging splits, moving at a quick but comfortable pace. They are running side by side, close together, the wide snow covered fields stretching out all around them.

After a moment, Ilya glances over his shoulder then drops back to run level with the camera.

“Hi Harris. You are doing okay here, yes?”

“Yes, all good Ilya. Thanks for checking in but I’m great. The quadbike is great. Really fun, actually.”

“Ah, is good. I am glad. I hoped you would like.”

“Yes, more than I thought I would, to be honest. Might have to do this again sometime.”

“Ah, is good. You should come for drive some time when is not icy. My cars are even better, yes?”

“You know what? Why not, yeah.” Harris laughs. “You aren’t  worried about Shane leaving you behind back here?”

“Ah, no, is fine. He is so slow. Is no trouble.”

From behind the camera, Harris snorts at that.

“And,” Ilya says, glancing around before lowering his voice, “is better view from here, yes?” He grins at the camera and tips his head in the direction of Shane, raising his eyebrows. “Very nice view, no? Good motivation.”

Caught off guard, Harris barks out a laugh. “Well, I can’t exactly say I hadn’t noticed, yeah.”

Ilya smirks at that.

The camera pans forward to focus on Shane and momentarily zooms in on his ass.

Out of frame, Ilya mock gasps. “Harris!” The camera swings back to find Ilya grinning and clutching at his chest. Without breaking stride, he tips his head back in a dramatic sigh. “Harris, no! I have already found you your own hockey player. You do not need to be looking at my Shane like this.”

“Ha, fine, no need to worry. I’m averting my eyes and my camera. He’s all yours.” Harris chuckles. “Not that I’d have a chance anyway. That man is crazy about you.”

Ilya hums. “Maybe.”

“Definitely. I’m the one spending hours editing out every time he looks helplessly in love with you. There’s no maybe about it.”

Ilya turns his face away from Harris at that, looking out across the expanse of snow instead. A smudge of extra colour appears high on his cheekbones. Colour that isn’t caused by the exercise or the cold morning air.

He ducks his head then, speeding up again. Ilya catches up to Shane and settles in beside him once more, matching his pace.

[ Out take video clip 1 ends ]

--

[ Out take video clip 2 begins ]

The camera pans around the room to show a professional gym standing still and quiet, empty of any people. The scene pans back again. It stops centred on a pair of exercise bikes sitting side by side, reflected in the mirrored wall of the gym.

“Okay,” says Harris from out of frame, “so for today the idea was to have a little strength and endurance contest here at the gym.” The camera cuts to show Shane and Ilya who are both standing a little way apart, not meeting each other’s gaze. “So, I was thinking first we could start off with a race on the exercise bikes. What do you two think?”

Ilya goes completely still, his face blank. Shane immediately blushes bright red.

“Umm, guys? I’m, um, sensing a lot of tension here but... I’m really not sure what just happened? Not the bikes? Is that the problem?”

Shane opens his mouth but then shrugs and closes it again. Ilya unfreezes and shakes himself, scrubbing a hand across his face.

“Ah, is...” Ilya says and trails off.

“Was something about this gym a bad idea? The mirrors are kind of a lot, aren’t they?”

Ilya snorts then shakes his head. “Uhh, Harris. You would not know this but... when we were eighteen, the night of the draft... We both cannot sleep, yes? And so we both go down to hotel gym and, um...” Ilya waves his hands at the room hopelessly. “We raced, on the bikes, like this and then...” Ilya just shrugs.

From behind the camera, Harris makes a choking sound. “Oh my God. Oh God, Ilya. Shane. I... Did I just accidentally set up a re-creation of your first...Oh my God. I’ve set this up like we’re about to make ‘Gay Hockey Gods,’ the adult movie, haven’t I?” Harris makes a squeaking sound. “Oh God, sorry, sorry, I should not have said that out loud. Fuck. Oh God.”

Ilya puts one hand over his face, shoulders shaking.

Shane goes to walk away but is confronted with the floor to ceiling mirrors and turns back around, eyes wide.  

“Fuck, Harris,” Shane says. “I...We...It’s not...Harris, I’m so sorry, really. We should never...I mean, we didn’t but it- It was just that...It...”

“Hey. Shane, hey,” Ilya interrupts. “Shane, look at me. Is okay, yes? Is okay. Harris does not mind, yes? It’s okay. I do not think Harris minds hearing about this just a little bit. Besides, we are both very hot so...” Ilya winks at where Harris is standing behind the camera, then he shrugs, grinning. “And he does not need to be jealous because he has his own hockey player, yes? So is all fine, I think. Is okay. Harris will not think is weird. He will not mind.”

Shane brings his hands up to cover his face but nods. Through his fingers, he sighs. “Okay, yeah, okay. I just...”

Ilya steps forward and pulls Shane into a hug. Shane tenses a moment then relents and buries his face in Ilya’s shoulder.

“I know,” Ilya says. “Is so much hiding, yes?”

What little can be seen of Shane’s face pulls into a grimace.

“I know,” Ilya says again. “Is, um, strong habit, yes? But what I mean is he will not judge, hmm? This is not Metros. Is not locker room. Is just Harris. And he is super gay too, almost as much as you.”

“Hey, fuck you,” Shane protests but he’s laughing a bit.

“Hmm, you were also super gay at eighteen, I think. You just did not believe it yet. Is maybe good I didn’t kiss you then. You maybe would have had panic attack and then run off with Rose Landry seven years early, no?”

Shane does laugh this time. “Asshole. Uhh, if we’re talking about this then we are definitely not doing it in front of Harris.”

Over Shane’s shoulder, Ilya looks at the camera and shrugs. “I think there is no straight way for us to make this video, yes?”

Harris chokes on a laugh at that but then clears his throat. “Yeah, yep. You are definitely right about that, I think. I’m sorry, guys. If I’d known, I never would have...”

“Harris, is okay. We know this, yes? Is not your fault.”

“Okay, okay,” Harris says. “Again though, I am so sorry. Uhh. But we’ll be fine anyway with the footage we already have, I think. Yeah, thinking about it now, we can probably get away fine without filming anything today, really. The internet will just get more of Shane finding you dogs to pet. That’s not a bad thing at all. It should all turn out fine still, truly, don’t worry. I’ll just head off now and, um, get out of your hair.” There’s a pause and then, laughter in his voice, Harris adds, “You two have fun now.”

“Fuck off, Harris,” Ilya says, laughing. He undermines the whole thing though by shooting yet another wink at the camera.

[ Out take video clip 2 ends ]

--

Harris: So, I thought you were just saying things but then I joked about your comment with Troy earlier. The one about you getting me my own hockey player and, well

Harris: He told me a few things about New York and the Kingfisher and some important conversations you two had. Apparently you’re the one who convinced him I was interested. (How you always see these things first, I don’t know)

Harris: Anyway, thank you Ilya. You’re a good man, I hope you know that. And a very good friend.

Ilya: Ah, Harris, you do not need to thank me for this. You and Troy are so good together. I am very happy it worked out.

Harris: I thought you might try to downplay it. So I have something I think you won’t turn down. As a token of my gratitude, you could say.

Harris: [ GIF set – Hayden Pike falls going over the boards. Contains 15 files ]

Ilya: Oh my god, Harris, yes

Ilya: I love you

Ilya: Also you should delete those last texts in case our phones get hacked and people think we are fucking 😉

Harris: You are terrible.

Harris: Also you’re very welcome

Harris: I’d say don’t tell Shane where you got them from but I think that’s a lost cause.

Ilya: Yes, probably.

Ilya: Harris you are the best. Ok, I must go now. I need to go text my very best friend Hayden Pike

Chapter End Notes

 

Harris shuts the door behind him and it’s just the two of them. Just the two of them alone in the gym. Ilya looks across and meets Shane’s eyes. They really should talk about it. Shane is still blushing. Flushed and beautiful and staring at him. Ilya does what he has always wished he’d done in that gym at the draft and kisses him. Drags him forward, hands fisted in his shirt and kisses him hard. Shane moans and immediately drops to his knees.

“Fuck.” Ilya feels dizzy his heart is beating so fast.

After. They can talk about it after.

Chapter 8: Fortress of Solitude

Chapter Notes

@IrinaFoundationOfficial:

Just a quick announcement to say we won’t be posting any more videos for now as the start of playoffs takes precedence.

Both Shane and Ilya are fully locked in and ready for the start of playoffs this week, as you would expect. But an unavoidable and necessary side effect of this is, of course, they won’t be making any new videos for a little while at least.

Happy playoff watching, folks. Who’s everyone supporting this year?

• Comment: Go Rozy!!! Go Cens!
• Comment: HOLL – AN – DER. Metros all the way, baby!
• Comment: Cens, Cens, Cens

@KathyCrafts57:

Can’t believe my favourite hockey players are too busy playing actual hockey to keep making videos for me to watch. Any ideas for other hobbies I can take up ‘til these fools are back to keep me entertained again?

• Comment: You could always just, y’know, actually watch the hockey? Sorry, sorry, wild idea, I know but 🤷‍♂️

@SalsHockeyChitChat replying to @IrinaFoundationOfficial:

Good luck in the playoffs Hollander and Rozanov!

• Comment: You can’t say good luck to both of them! They’re facing each other in the first round, for fucks sake.
• Comment: Er, excuse me, yes, I can. I am rooting for the best possible hockey, all the rivalry, all the drama. Career performances all round. Lets take it to game fucking 7, guys.
• Comment: Ok, y’know what actually, hell fucking yeah. Let’s do this!!
• Comment: Yes!! Lets see what these hyper competitive assholes have in store for us! Can’t fucking wait 🍿🍿🍿

@OttawaAlways:

Playoffs baby, lets fucking go!!!!

@MetrosMetrosMetros:

Actually really psyched to see Hollander and Rozanov compete this series. All that time training together, they’ve gotta be even more clued in to each other now. Gonna make for some fucking great hockey, that’s for sure.

• Comment: Oh and Ottawa is going DOWN, obviously. Hollander is still the GOAT and we all know it.

@FrancisPaints42:

Ok, I know the playoffs are important and all but anyone know if Ilya Rozanov has got a dog yet? Sorry but I’m just really invested now

@AndreasAntics101 retweeting @FrancisPaints42:

Right? Why is this random multi-millionaire’s struggle to get a pet living rent free in my brain?

Pay your rent, sir! I’m not even sure what that means in this context but, like, I’m sure as shit not making rent this month so somebody around here fucking should 🤷‍♀️

--

@ESPN_Sports:

The Ottawa Centaurs advance to Round 2 of the playoffs after a hard fought series against the Montreal Metros. Going all the way to game seven, the series saw strong competition from both teams but in the end it’s the Ottawa underdogs who are headed to New York.

@MetrosMetrosMetros:

Is it just me or was the team just not really clicking together? Lots of great play individually, especially from Hollander as ever. But not quite working as a real unit in the way they usually would...

@Cens4Life:

Or maybe Ottawa just outplayed you and you can’t accept it? Ever think about that, shithead?

@IceThePuck:

Hey now, relax guys, it can be both. Ottawa played some amazing hockey and they did it as a team. Metros struggled to click like they normally would. Therefore, Ottawa took this one. Makes sense all round. Also, go Cens!!

• Comment: Go Cens? Really?
• Comment: What, my team is out already. I’m allowed a second favourite. And Ottawa really fucking smashed it that series. Plus Rozanov’s hockey is just so great to watch.

@HollanderEdits242:

Anyone else think Hollander looks tired? Not in his play or anything but those bags under his eyes. I dunno. Something off with the team maybe? Not as cohesive as they should be. That’s gotta way on you as Captain.

@IrinaFoundationOfficial:

Congratulations Ilya on taking Ottawa through to Round 2 of the playoffs. Good luck in New York. We’ll be rooting for you!

And congratulations to both our founders on a hard fought series and, as ever, some amazing hockey. Always a joy to see these two get to compete, especially given how much they both enjoy going toe to toe on the ice.

• Comment: Commiserations Shane. Good luck Ilya! Can’t wait to watch you play in NY next week!

@IlyaRozanov81:

[ Photo of Ilya and Shane in Ilya’s kitchen. Ilya is laughing and has an arm slung loosely around Shane’s shoulders. Shane is glaring at him, brow furrowed and mouth downturned at the corners. ]

Is ok, Hollander still loves me. Even if he has not forgiven me yet for winning playoff scoring race. 😉

• Comment: Ilya, you gotta tell us, what did you get for your win? What was Hollander’s forfeit? Is that why he looks so mad?

IlyaRozanov81 replied to this comment: No, he is a Hollander. He is mad about the hockey of course.

IlyaRozanov81 replied to this comment: For winning, David Hollander will cook me very nice meal. The best prize. Thank you David!

@MarthaForTheMetros:

Oh my God yes, more grumpy Shane content. What a day. Just look at his face. Oh I am obsessed

@FreshOffTheIce:

And the bromance lives. Only real ones can make it through a playoff series like that and still come out the other side [grumpy] friends.

@HollanovNation:

Aww look at Shane. So mad and yet he still can’t resist going to see his boyfriend even if its his boyfriend he’s mad at ❤️🙄😭 These two. I will never get over it, I swear.

@HollanovHockeyFreaks:

Ok, that prize is just very wholesome. What do you mean Ilya is so excited for Hollander’s Dad’s cooking? Uhh, he’s like such a part of the family already. My heart can’t take it. All the Hollanders just love him so much. 🥰❤️🥰 So happy for you, Ilya, babes

@IlyaBadIdeasRozanov:

This man is Hollander catnip, clearly.

• Comment: ‘Yes, that is my son’s rival and yes, he’s always welcome to family dinner. What about it?’
• Comment: Almost a shame the Hollanov delusions aren’t real, really. Bet Hollander’s folks would love it if Ilya was actually in love with their only son. Would save them the trouble of adopting him.

@HollanovOriginal:

Ilya Rozanov: ‘Is ok, Hollander still loves me.’

Wow. I mean, are they even still trying to hide it anymore or...?

• Comment: Oh give it a rest. That’s his bro. Its normal and good to say you love your boys.
• Comment: Get your “no homo” off my happy little ship account, ew
• Comment: Uhh, not like that. Its not ‘no homo.’ Just saying its a healthy friend thing to do. No need to go reading into everything so much 🙄

@OttawaCentaursOfficial:

[ Photo of Ilya Rozanov walking along a path at the park, holding the leash of a medium size dog with fluffy brown and white fur. Ilya has turned his head to face the camera, his expression split open into a huge grin. ]

Everybody, meet Anya, Ilya Rozanov’s new dog!

Anya is a rescue dog now happily adopted by our Captain. She will be staying with our social media manager Harris until after playoffs this summer, when Rozanov will have a chance to get her situated and settled in at her new home.  

We think it’s fair to say our Captain is as excited to finally have his own dog as you would expect him to be.

@CentaursOnTheRise:

Oh hell yeah! Our boy got his dog!! Congrats Cap. Enjoy it!

@RozRozRoz retweeting @OttawaCentaursOfficial:

As excited as I would expect him to be? Ok, yeah, yep. On cloud fucking nine and never coming back down to earth, then. Okay, yeah, got it.

@SkateSkateSkate:

As excited as we would expect him to be? Oh, ok, right. Nothing crazy then. I’m sure he’s just a teensy tiny bit excited 🤏

I love this man and his emergency inducing need to have a dog he can hang out with at all times.

@KatyaKeepsTheScore:

Never have I been more excited for somebody who isn’t me to get a dog. Congratulations to Ilya Rozanov. And congrats to Anya, about to become the world’s most doted upon dog ever.

@CentaursRebuild81:

Congrats, Cap! Now lets get that Cup

@ColdIceHotTakes replying to @CentaursRebuild81:

Ok, well done on taking down the Metros and all. But the Cup? This year? Earth to Ottawa? C’mon buddy, not happening.

@CentaursRebuild81 replying to @ColdIceHotTakes:

Hey, we’ve made it through to Round 2 of the playoffs and our Captain just got a fucking dog. Don’t try and talk to me about what is and isn’t possible right now

• Comment: Ha, alright, fair enough. Go Cens then, I guess 🤷‍♂️
• Comment: That’s the spirit 🙄

@IrinaFoundationOfficial:

While Ilya Rozanov heads to New York, here is a video filmed earlier this year before things got quite so busy.

We think you will all appreciate getting to join us for this one - Ilya Rozanov cashed in his winnings and took that trip to Shane Hollander’s famous cottage.

[ Video begins ]

“So,” comes Harris’s voice, “here we are at Shane Hollander’s fortress of solitude.”

The camera pans to show the outside of a beautiful glass and wood framed building far too large to be a cottage, before turning to reveal a fire pit out front and a garden sloping down toward a wooden dock at the lake’s edge. The shot settles on a scene of the frozen lake beyond, one solid stretch of white reaching into the far distance. Down on the lake, two figures in skates are battling each other for control of the puck. Piles of clothing and someone’s spare shoes have been dumped out on the ice to form makeshift goals.

“We just arrived here earlier this afternoon and I have to say, Shane’s cottage truly is beautiful.”

From out across the ice echoes the sound of a shout followed by Ilya’s cackle of laughter. Harris huffs a laugh. “Not that Ilya has spent much time inside the cottage so far.”

Troy Barrett wanders into the right of the frame, a half smile on his face. He turns to squint out at the lake. “Honestly, it’s a bit like taking a dog to the park. They see the ice and,” Troy waves a hand, “there’s just no getting them back inside again.”

The shot cuts to a similar scene, but later in the day, the afternoon light starting to fade. The camera is positioned to show the same view out across the frozen expanse of the lake. In the foreground Harris is sitting off to one side in a wooden chair, bundled up in many layers and a thick coat, watching Shane and Ilya out on the ice.

Troy enters the shot carrying another wooden chair in one hand and a steaming mug of coffee in the other. He sets the chair beside Harris, sits down and hands him the coffee.

Harris wraps his hands around it and smiles. “Thanks babe.”

Troy shrugs. “Didn’t want you to get cold.” He turns to look out at the lake. In the distance, Shane races towards Ilya. Shane dekes around him and speeds off up the ice, Ilya hot on his heels.

“I see they still haven’t slowed down then,” Troy says.

Harris laughs. “They came in at one point for water and snacks but then they...” He waves a hand in the direction of the ice.

“Yeah, of course they did.”

Ilya’s laugh echoes out across the frozen lake once more as he steals the puck from Shane and snags a goal, raising his stick above his head in triumph.

Troy shakes his head with a half smile. “Little bit predictable, aren’t they? Think they’re coming in before dark? Who’s winning so far?”

Harris chuckles. “Honestly, I doubt it and, well, nobody’s winning-”

“Shh, Harris,” Troy elbows him gently, “don’t let them hear you.”

“Oh, [beep] off already. No, but, you know how they are. Neither of them can get more than a couple of goals ahead. So now Ilya has started declaring himself the victor every time he’s even one goal in the lead.”

“Oh, right, I see. So this is never going to end. Got it.”

“Yep. Exactly.”

“I mean,” says Troy, shaking his head again, “I love hockey. I really do. But maybe not like that.”

“Well, I think, as much as they both love hockey, it’s that they really love playing hockey against each other. They always have, I think.”

“You know, when you put it like that, it’s not so surprising after all. How it all ended up.”

“No, no its not.”

[Video ends ]

Chapter End Notes

 

[ Harris setting up to take a photo to show that Shane and Ilya are hanging out together again now Round 1 of the playoffs is over ]

"Okay, so, Shane," Harris says, "for this one we want to show that your feeling, um..." Harris hesitates, uncertain how to phrase this. He glances up and sees Shane's expression. "Actually, you know what, I think this is another 'just be yourself in front of the camera' moment here, Shane."

Ilya gives Shane's shoulder a shake. "Don't worry. If you don’t look annoyed enough at me, I am sure I can help with that."

Shane grimaces. "[Beep] you."

Harris grins. "Alright then you two," he says and raises the camera.

 

Chapter 9: Out On The Ice

@MontrealSpinSessions:

Thank you @IrinaFoundationOfficial was not expecting another video so soon!

[Re-shares video by @IrinaFoundationOfficial ]

@RateMyRink_USA:

The cottage! We’re going to the cottage! Fuck yes, thank you @IrinaFoundationOfficial. Here, have a donation from me. Oh I am psyched!

[Re-shares video by @IrinaFoundationOfficial ]

@PutSomeIceOnThat:

Oh, that was just kind of lovely, though, right?

[Re-shares video by @IrinaFoundationOfficial ]

@CentaursRebuild81:

Harris: Boys, come in for your snack now, okay?

Shane and Ilya: No, Harris, five more minutes. Just five more minutes. Please, please, please!

Oh my God, are they five years old? Seriously? God I love these stupid idiots and their obsessive love of hockey....

• Comment: Friendship goals, honestly
• Comment: Terminally competitive, these two. For real for real
• Comment: So, how did they die? Coroner: Oh, well, you see, they actually froze to death playing a game of one-on-one pick-up hockey. Yep, yes, I know it’s surprising but what can you do, eh?

@ChironsCentaurs:

Why are they so cute though? Two hulking 200 lb professional hockey players should not be this cute.

[Re-shares video by @IrinaFoundationOfficial ]

• Comment: Playboy and known instigator of fights Ilya Rozanov should not be cute at all, actually.
• Comment: And yet....

@HollanovIsLife:

‘Well, I think, as much as they both love hockey, it’s that they really love playing hockey against each other. They always have, I think.’

No but why is this so romantic though...Thank you so much @IrinaFoundationOfficial for this gift ❤️🥹Donating now

@RuthsRambles342:

Uhh, now I just want to go spend my weekend playing hockey on a beautiful frozen lake with all my friends while staying at my gorgeous mansion, I mean, cottage.

Shane Hollander, with all the love in the world, girl, fuck you.

[Re-shares video by @IrinaFoundationOfficial ]

@NHL_Hyperfocus:

I wonder at what point the media decided these two hated each other and at what point they decided it too? Like which came first, do we even know? Because looking at them now I’m wondering if the media just decided for them and that’s how we all ended up here...

@CanadianIceIsBetter:

God, look at their smiles. These boys are just having fun, eh? I bet it’s nice as a professional at that level to get chance to just remember why you love the game in the first place.

They are kinda like platonic hockey soulmates honestly

@HollanovNation retweeting @CanadianIceIsBetter

*bangs head against wall repeatedly*

Its right fucking there, people.

@AtTheBoyAquarium:

Um, excuse me, sirs?

-

Troy: You know, when you put it like that, it’s not so surprising after all. How it all ended up.

Harris: No, no its not.

-

Anybody care to explain or...?

@NHL_Iced_Tea:

I mean, could be nothing but also....👀👀👀

@FreshOffTheIce:

Three, two, one, wait for it....Oh, what, don’t mind me. Just counting down to the Hollanov shippers spewing a million deranged takes over a throw away comment about these former enemies being good friends these days.

@HollanovFirstAndLast:

‘Is ok, Hollander still loves me.’

‘How it all ended up.’

I....Are they... I almost don’t want to put this idea down in writing in case I like jinx us but are they maybe building up to an announcement here? Cos its sure starting to seem like they might be. 🤯🤯🤯

@HollanovOriginal replying to @HollanovFirstAndLast:

 Call me crazy, but...I...it sure seems like they are 👀👀👀

• Comment: You, a Hollanov shipper, did not just ask that of the internet, dude
• Comment: Yep, you’re definitely crazy 🤷‍♂️ happy to help 😉
• Comment: Welp, you said it, babes
• Comment: Hate to join the ranks of the deluded here but....I kinda do see it... there’s certainly is a read here that they are droppings some hints on us lately 👀 you know what I mean?

@HollanovsFirstFan:

Hard launch incoming OMG I am literally shaking right now.

@FreshOffTheIce:

And there they are folks, right on cue 🙄🙄🙄

@HarryDonaldson767:

Uhh, enough already, they were enemies who hated each other and now they’re not. What’s to analyse? 🙄

@MetrosMetrosMetros replying to @HarryDonaldson767:

Yeah, like even a few months ago I really thought they hated each other and just had some kind of tense PR truce for the charity stuff. Which feels kinda ridiculous now looking back but at the time, that did just seem the most likely scenario.

@BostonBabesUnited:

So, two supposedly straight guys in the famously homophobic NHL picked Harris Drover to make their charity videos, an openly gay man. And now they’re spending the weekend with Harris and Troy, a gay couple...Troy also being Ilya’s best friend on the team it seems...

• Comment: Jeez, what? And a couple of straight guys can’t have gay friends? What is this take? Seriously?
• Comment: No, no, they can. Obviously they can but they could also have queer community....
• Comment: I mean there’s been rumors about Hollander being gay floating around the NHL for a while now...
• Comment: Alright, whatever, but Ilya-manwhore-Rozanov is for sure straight. The evidence was splashed across every tabloid in Boston for years.

@SamsHockeyHighlights:

Even repeat All Star Troy Barrett is looking at our boys and being like, now that is a little crazy. Oh man, you gotta love these idiots, for real for real

@OttawaCentaursOfficial:

Sad to see this year’s playoff run come to an end. Congratulations to the Admirals on a well fought victory.

Here at the Centaurs it’s been a real roller-coaster of a year and we are incredibly proud of our players, coaching staff and off the ice teams. This years successes have been hard won and we will keep on building. We all can’t wait to see what next year will bring. #GoCens

• Comment: Gutted to be knocked out but amazing efforts all round.
• Comment: No more plane crashes next year, okay hockey Gods? There’s only so much stress a body can take.
• Comment: Congratulations on making it to the second round, guys! So excited for next season.
• Comment: Playoffs again next year! Let’s fucking go!
• Comment: Oh, we are coming for that cup, baby!

@CentaursOnTheRise:

Sucks to lose in New York but I have never been more sure that my team is going to pull itself up by it's bootstraps and take the NHL by storm. We are coming for that fucking Cup next year. Oh, hell yes, Cens!

@OttawaAlways:

Commiserations my fellow Centaurs' fans. But also, what a fucking year, eh?

@OttawaAlways:

Anyway, back to obsessing over the friendship chronicles of Cap and his best buddy Shane Hollander.

Troy Barrett seems like actually a very sweet boyfriend. I did not see that one coming at all.

• Comment: Please, my guy Harris has standards. He would not be with Troy if Troy hadn’t really turned it around this year

@MusicRecs657:

You know what, it’s really just kind of nice to see the two biggest stars in the NHL so comfortable around queer folks. Not my experience of hockey bros growing up as an out queer kid in Toronto. Good on Shane and Ilya. They really are living up to the ideals of their charity. Great to see it.

@ShaydenCoupleGoals:

I cannot believe Shane actually went on this romantic weekend trip with Rozanov (🤢) of all people. How could he do this to Hayden? Seriously, I always thought Shane was so much better than this but now...

@ShaydenAreInLove:

Yeah, Shane is gonna need to do some serious grovelling to make up for this, that’s for sure. Can’t believe him, honestly. Hayden must be in so much pain over this.

@FaceOffDot retweeting @ShaydenCoupleGoals:

Sometimes the internet is a very dark place to be but don’t worry everyone, we will get through it together....

• Comment: Thank you. Truly a dark time for Hayden and Shane. Glad to have your support.
• Comment: Oh no, honey, no. He’s not talking to you, deary. You two are not on the same side of this I’m afraid, sweetums.

@MetrosThree-peat:

Lord help me. I do not have the patience for both the Hollanovs and the Shaydens today

@LetsTalkPuck24:

Troy Barrett is really calling out our boys here.

• Comment: Yeah but in a like ‘you gotta love ‘em’ kind of way

@ValsHockeyChat101:

Shane and Ilya once again living their best ‘twelve year olds on a day out with their very best buddy’ vibe. God, I love them.

• Comment: Two multi-millionaire professional athletes who play a violent sport for a living should not be this endearing to me but here we are I guess...
• Comment: Its sort of hard not to be, though, I don’t know 🤷‍♂️ They’re just having so much fun together and the competitiveness is SO over the top. Uhh, I love them, your honor. Its not curable at this point, I fear.

@IlyaBadIdeasRozanov:

‘Neither of them can get more than a couple of goals ahead. So now Ilya has started declaring himself the victor every time he’s even one goal in the lead.’

Ilya Rozanov’s thought process, I assume - Oh look, it’s my very best friend Shane. I wonder what would really make him mad. Oh, yeah, I know: *Said with a huge smile* Hey, look at me, Hollander. I win, I win, I win.

• Comment: 😂😂😂😂😂

@JustAHockeyDude81 retweeting @IlyaBadIdeasRozanov:

This kind of behaviour really shouldn’t be charming and yet here I find myself, once again charmed by Ilya Rozanov and his incessant need to piss off everybody around him at all times.

@IlyaBadIdeasRozanov retweeting @JustAHockeyDude81:

Normal charismatic guys - Wonder how many people I can charm right now? *flashes a winning smile*

Ilya Rozanov - *scoffing at their lack of vision* No, no, but that would be so boring. How about I be a real asshole to everybody and then have them all love me in spite of it. Now that is a not boring use of charisma. No need to play it so fucking safe, guys.

• Comment: Oh no, he really is ~like that~ at all times, isn’t he?
• Comment: And yet somehow it continues to work on me. One of the mysteries of the universe right there, really

@CentaursOnTheRise:

Not Harris starting off his little video intro by copying the intro to Hollander’s ESPN special from years ago. Oh, Harris is a real Shane Hollander fan, that’s for sure.

• Comment: Oh, my boy Harris got jokes!
• Comment: Harris once again showing that he is a true Ottawa boy. You did not grow up a millennial in Ottawa without knowing everything there was to know about hometown hero Shane Hollander.

@KatyaKeepsTheScore:

Well, I did not have Troy Barrett and Ilya Rozanov both turning out to be the fun kind of asshole on my bingo card for this year but here we are.

• Comment: How’s your bingo card looking for Troy Barrett and Ilya Rozanov both coming out as queer NHL players this year? 👀👀👀
• Comment: You know what, at this point I’d really hate to call it one way or the other...

@ColdIceHotTakes:

All this speculation about them being in a gay relationship together is ridiculous, frankly. Here’s all the ways in which Hollander and Rozanov’s behaviour with each other is totally normal and explainable as two guys in their twenties who are just really good friends. Firstly, they have...🧵 1 / 13

@ShaneHollanderHockeyPlayer:

[ Image posted of a written statement. The text of the statement reads as follows: ]

Ilya Rozanov and I are very happy to announce we will be getting married this summer. We have been in a committed romantic relationship for several years and can’t wait to take this next step in our relationship together.

We are both very dedicated to our careers and, as ever, to bringing home as many wins as possible. Whether facing off against each other or other teams in the league, we are confident our professional record speaks for itself.

We hope that our fans and the league will have no trouble appreciating that our personal feelings for each other have never lessoned our competitive drive on the ice (or off it). I can’t let Ilya have the bigger trophy collection after all and I know he’d say the same about me.

Alright, signing off now, Ilya and I have a dog to go walk.

For now, here’s one last video from our recent Irina Foundation video series.

See you in October, hockey fans. Have a great summer.

[ Image text ends ]

я тебя люблю, Ilya.

[ Link to unseen video footage from their trip to the cottage ]

@IlyaRozanov81:

What he said.

я тебя люблю, Shane.

[Re-shares post and video by @ShaneHollanderHockeyPlayer]

[Video begins ]

Ilya and Shane are out on the ice at the cottage. The camera is zoomed in close to frame the two of them alone together out on the frozen surface of the lake. Their voices arrive a little quiet with the distance, though their conversation is still audible. The video has added closed captions anyway, just to be safe.

Out on the ice, Ilya locks eyes with Shane. He feints right, puck on the end of his stick, before he twists back the other way, swinging his weight to one side and barrelling forward to skirt around Shane towards the makeshift goal behind him.

“Hey, hey, stop,” Shane calls. “Ilya, wait, stop.” Shane takes a moment to get his breath back before he speaks. “Stop and fix your skate, okay? Before you fall. I can see it’s too loose. You’re not cornering right.”

Ilya scoffs at him. “Ah, is nothing. Is not playoffs now. Will be fine, I am still beating you, no?”

“Just fix it before you fall or pull something, alright?”

“Ah and you wouldn’t want that, would you, Hollander? Because you love me so much, yes?”

“Yes, I do.”

Ilya goes still, his whole face softening, gazing at Shane.

Shane smiles, a small private smile just for the two of them. “Yes, because I love you. Of course I love you. I have never wanted anything more than I want this. Us. Okay? So fix your f-[beep]-ing skate.”

Ilya crouches and re-ties his skate, eyes fixed on Shane.

He rises back to his feet again and closes the distance between them. He frames Shane’s face with both hands, one thumb brushing across Shane’s freckles. His eyes dart over Shane’s face then he is pulling Shane forward into a kiss. Ilya locks their mouths together, one hand buried in Shane’s hair. Shane sighs and leans into him, raising his hand to cup Ilya’s face in turn.

They part, both breathing a little hard. Ilya gives a slight smile, half shy. “я тебя люблю [I love you]. Fuck, Shane, I love you so much.”

“я тебя люблю, Ilya,” Shane echoes. “Always, okay?”

Ilya nods. He dips his head and rests their foreheads together, eyes closed. “я тебя люблю,” he says again, voice barely audible.

Shane leans forward and kisses him, once, twice. Ilya lifts a hand to Shane’s jaw, holding his gaze a moment before he draws them back together. Ilya smiles into the kiss, reaching his other arm around Shane to tug him closer.

He pulls back to meet Shane’s eyes again. Then Ilya shoots Shane a wink and he is skating backwards out of reach, Shane’s hockey stick clutched in his hand. Ilya snatches his own stick up from the ice where he let it fall and rests both of them over his shoulder, smirking.

“Ah, Hollander, looks like is game over, no? You cannot keep playing like this. And I am the one with more goals so.” He gives an exaggerated shrug. “Is very sad for you. To lose to me like this. But, ah, you are only second best in the league so is-”

Shane lunges at him, making a grab for his stick. Ilya lifts his hand above his head, delighted laughter tumbling out of him. “Ah, no, no. Is mine now. You cannot have it back.”

Shane shakes out his shoulders. “You are losing the scoring race this year, Rozanov, and you are f-[beep]-ing losing here today too. This game isn’t done yet.”

“Ah, no? But you have lost your stick.”

Shane glares at him but he can’t stop the side of his mouth curling upwards, a smile fighting to break out onto his face. “Oh yeah, I lost it?”

“Yes. You lost it. Was very careless of you.”

Shane grins. “Well, guess I’ll just have to get it back then.”

“Ah, but to do this you will have to catch me,” Ilya says, skating backwards away from him, a wide smile creeping onto his face, “and we both know you are so very slow, Hollander.”

The two of them watch each other, fierce grins on their faces, bodies tense. They move at the same moment. Ilya spins and races away, both their sticks still gripped in one hand. Shane leaps after him. A laugh punches out of him as he rushes headlong after Ilya. They chase each other across the ice, dodging and weaving. Ilya yelps as Shane grabs for the back of his coat, before twisting free and sprinting away once more.

Their breathless shouts become swallowed by the wind as they draw further and further from shore, two dark shapes moving together, silhouetted against the white glow of the frozen landscape.

[Video ends ]

Chapter 10: God They Look So Happy

Chapter Notes

Just a quick heads up that this chapter does feature some tweets expressing homophobic views. They aren't the majority by any means but just to let you know that they are there.

@CentaursOnTheRise:

Oh. Oh.

[ Re-shares video by @ShaneHollanderHockeyPlayer ]

@FreshOffTheIce:

Getting Married? Married?! What the fuck

@ValsHockeyChat101:

Okay. Not a bromance at all. Jesus Christ.

[ Re-shares video by @ShaneHollanderHockeyPlayer ]

@HollanovOriginal:

It’s real? It’s actually fucking real? Oh my god. What is happening

@GuardiansStan111:

Keep this fucking shit out of the league. NHL should fucking kick them out. Fucking disgusting

@MontrealRunningRecs:

Oh my god, look at them. The way they are looking at each other in that video. They are so in love. How did we not see this before and also how come this somehow sorta just makes sense...I don’t fucking know, my brain is melting right now

@HollanovFirstAndLast:

I actually cannot breathe. Oh my GOD. Am I awake right now? Am I dreaming? They did not just announce their actual real romantic-of-several-years-about-to-get-married-relationship?

What happens now? We were never supposed to be right about this. [ I’m so happy I could burst, just in case that wasn’t abundantly clear ]

@HollanovNation:

Weeping. I am weeping. Look at them.

[ Re-shares video by @ShaneHollanderHockeyPlayer ]

• Comment: The Russian ‘I love you’s 😭😭😭😭

@WhatThePuck:

[This tweet has been removed for violating community guidelines]

@HollanderStan2424:

God, they look so fucking happy together. I may have shed a tear or two watching that. Woah. Did not see that coming but honestly, congrats guys. Actually all makes a lot more sense now if you think about it. No wonder they’re spending all that time together.

@MetrosMadness768:

What the fuck? Get this shit out of hockey. Knew that Hunter would open the fucking floodgates but never thought it would lead to this. Jesus 🤢

@RozRozRoz:

Honestly, get it Rozy. Only the [second] best in the league for our boy, that’s fucking right!

• Comment: Didn’t think this account would be down with the gays but whatever I guess. This league is going to the dogs already.
• Comment: He locked down Cosmopolitan’s hottest man of the year. Putting a fucking ring on it. Oh hell yeah!
• Comment: Any real Rozy fan would appreciate that pull, just saying
• Comment: Never thought I would see this shit from Rozanov of all people
• Comment: Very much hoping you mean settling down and getting hitched. Not what it sounds like you might be meaning, else you are getting blocked so fucking fast, dude.

@RozanovUpdatesUnofficial:

Well, there has been an update, that’s for sure.

@RozanovUpdatesUnofficial:

Also ❤️💜💙 ...we’re assuming? Based on, y’know, a decade’s worth of updates prior to this....?

@HollandersLeftShinGuard:

That kiss 🥹🫠🔥❤️ Oh, they are IN LOVE in love

@ChironsCentaurs:

Ohhhh, so they got the dog TOGETHER. Ohh I see. Because they’re together. Like a couple. With a dog. About to be married. What the fuck is happening?

• Comment: Awww, it was a Shane Hollander gets his boyfriend a dog situation after all. 🥹🥹
• Comment: *fiancé
• Comment: What a fucking day, eh? Shane Hollander is winning the good fiancé competition though. We all know Ilya is beside himself about that dog.
• Comment: And we all know its a competition

@CanadianIceIsBetter:

‘Yes, because I love you. Of course I love you. I have never wanted anything more than I want this. Us. Okay? So fix your f-[beep]-ing skate.’

Shane Hollander just casually dropping maybe the most romantic sentence I’ve ever heard then being like, right, ok, back to the hockey.

• Comment: Oh, that is Canada’s sweetheart alright. Like man, like country. Hockey in the veins.

@ValeriesFashionFinds:

Rozanov isn’t gay though? 👀

I had sex with Roz in 2015 and no way that man wasn’t into it.

• Comment: Yeah, same. Slept with Rozy in 2013 and no way is he into men.
• Comment: Bisexual erasure much.
• Comment: Alright, ok, say it with me, folks. BISEXUAL. PEOPLE. EXIST. There, ok, good. Glad we cleared that up. 😤🤬🙄

@HockeyEdits746:

Get them out of the league. No fucking gays on the ice in my NHL

• Comment: Hmm, ‘your NHL.’ I kinda think its Shane Hollander and Ilya Rozanov’s NHL and we’re all just watching it. That’s just me though 🤷‍♀️

@MidwesternMasterclass:

Don’t want to get into talking about anyone’s lifestyle choices but no way they should be playing against each other if they’re really married. No way you could trust that. What kind of couple wouldn’t pull back? No way you’d want any normal dude slamming his wife into the boards like that.

• Comment: Tell me you no nothing about Hollander and Rozanov without telling me you know nothing about Hollander and Rozanov.
• Comment: Dude, go watch the fucking Irina Foundation videos before you open your mouth on the internet and sound like an idiot.
• Comment: I realllly want to make a ‘tell me you have a boring sex life’ joke here but no, no, not the time, NOT the time.

@AllStarsStatsTracker retweeting @MidwesternMasterclass:

More importantly, dude [and I’d hope this was fucking obvious but here we fucking are 😤 ] neither of them is the wife. They’re both 200 lb professional hockey players who would probably kill you if they slammed you into the boards. So maybe make better lifestyle choices and stop trying to pick a fight with 2 professional athletes.

• Comment: Right? Also, has anyone else googled photos of those two slamming each other into the boards during their games? With those huge fucking beaming grins? Fucking freaks (respectfully). Alright, alright, not the point right now, I know, but just like 🔥⛸️💪🥵

@SamsHockeyHighlights:

Oh, I see. The competition is the flirting.

This is starting to make a LOT of sense, actually.

@KatsHockeyChitChat:

These two are fucking ridiculous and they have my whole Goddamn heart, ok?

@KatsHockeyChitChat:

Shane Hollander: You are MY Russian Terror and I will look after you whether you like it or not. Now fix your fucking skate already so I can win this game and rub your face in how much better I am at hockey than you.

Ilya Rozanov: You are my perfect man, I love you so  much. Even though you are only second best player in the league *winks*

@OkeyOkeyOkey retweeting at @KatsHockeyChitChat:

I know, right?

Shane and Ilya pausing on the ice to have an incredibly fucking heartfelt romantic moment and then immediately going, ok, so, where were we? Oh, yeah, I'm better at hockey than you! No, no, I'm better than you!

Oh my God, why are they like this? (So fucking affectionate)

@RozanovPleaseCrushMe:

[ This tweet has been removed for violating community guidelines. ]

@MyBelovedMenace:

Can’t believe the Hollanovs were living in a better world and also the real one at the same time. How often does that happen? I could have jumped on the bandwagon (boarded the ship ? 🤔) ages ago and been enjoying the Irina videos to their full potential this whole time.

@Hollanov2481 retweeting @MyFavouriteMenace:

Ok now that’s the kind of vindication I have been looking for, people. Take notes, twitter!

@HollanovsFirstFan replying to @Hollanov2481:

Honestly though, I wouldn’t hold your breath, comrade ❤️ Its twitter. Y’know, famously where everyone always admits their mistakes and gives very sincere apologies to those they’ve wronged 🫤

@Hollanov2481:

OK, new goal, lets see if Ilya and Shane want to share any outtakes 👀👀👀

@ChironsCentaurs retweeting @Hollanov2481:

You know what, I have been wondering about that.

So, like, has Harris just been cutting out all the footage where they take a pause in the competition to have a romantic-as-fuck moment like they did in that last video? How often do we think they’re doing that? Is it an every day occurrence, do we think?

@HockeyWifeHockeyLife:

[This tweet has been removed for violating community guidelines]

@BostonBarCrawlLtd:

God, that video though. Rozanov’s face. The man looks enraptured. Six months ago I could have sworn Rozanov had like three facial expressions and none of them were friendly. It was all either cocky, hostile or down right terrifying. Maybe sometimes a manic grin right after a rough fight... And now he’s out here looking at Shane Hollander like that.  

@SamanthaAtTheStudio:

They’re like so in love. And also still such classic hockey guys. At the same time. Often in the same five minutes. Which, like, I guess, of course they are. Of course. And of course two jocks can fall head over heels in love with each other. I’ve just never really thought about what that would look like before.

• Comment: At the risk of continuing to stereotype and underestimate these two, in a jock 4 jock relationship, who do you think does the emotional communication? 👀

@Shayden4ever:

Shane is going to regret leaving Hayden for fucking Rozanov so fucking quickly. Rozanov doesn't know the meaning of loyalty. Just look at the way he left the team that drafted him like it was fucking nothing to him.

@HockeyHotties retweeting @Shayden4ever:

Quick, get the bear spray, there's a Shayden on my timeline! Quick, get it! Get it! Don’t let it get away!

@SkateSkateSkate:

Ok, so...who else is spending their afternoon doing a Irina Foundation re-watch? Now that we have the correct context I gotta re-watch that shit, stat.

@OttawaAlways:

Oh hell yeah, Irina Foundation re-watch party tonight anyone? 

• Comment: 🏃‍♂️
• Comment: Oh, I am so there, dude.
• Comment: For sure. Gotta figure out how we missed this!!
• Comment: Girl, now you are talking! Fuck yes!
• Comment: So ready for this brother.
• Comment: Hell YES 🍿🌈⛸️❤️

@RaidersFightTracker:

[This tweet has been removed for violating community guidelines]

@IrinaFoundationOfficial:

Congratulations Ilya Rozanov and Shane Hollander on your engagement and on announcing your relationship. We couldn’t be happier for you both.  

The Irina Foundation will always strive for increased inclusivity in hockey. Nobody should ever be excluded from this sport we all love based on their race, nationality or sexual orientation. #HockeyIsForEveryone

• Comment: ❤️❤️❤️
• Comment: Hell yes! Say it louder for the people in the back. Hockey. Is. For. Everyone. 🏳️‍🌈⛸️✌️🫶
• Comment: We love you, Irina Foundation! ❤️

@SallysCakeChronicles:

If you consider the fact that Rozanov is flirting the way the boys all flirted back when we were 12 years old, all these videos start to look real different, real fast. Just saying.

• Comment: Oh. Oh no
• Comment: Oh yes.
• Comment: Oh my God, they’re ridiculous. I love them both so much.

@NHL_Hyperfixation:

Oh my God. Is their whole career just two boys with crushes stood on either side of the ice saying “no but I bet I can score more goals than you.”

• Comment: Oh God, it is, isn’t it?
• Comment: I...Oh, well when you put it like that...
• Comment: Why did nobody tell me about this? I would have started watching hockey years ago!!
• Comment: Girl, we literally just found out. Like today.

@CantCatchCap:

Was planning to watch the Irina Foundations videos through a few times and be all analytical and try to spot all the tells everybody missed.... but instead I am just sat here thinking about how these two might be couple goals, actually. Talk about marrying your best friend. I’ve just watched two guys in love laughing with each other for like 2 hours straight.

• Comment: *not straight
• Comment: Come on now. What are we doing here? Are you twelve?

@OttawaCentaursOfficial:

Congratulations to our Captain Ilya Rozanov on his engagement.

We are very much looking forward to some more hard fought battles on the ice next season between the first husbands of hockey. Plus, of course, we can’t wait to have the Shane Hollander joining us for team BBQ’s.

So from all of us here at the Centaurs, congratulations Rozy and we’ll see you at the wedding!

• Comment: Congrats Rozy!!
• Comment: ❤️❤️❤️❤️
• Comment: I love this team 🌈🌈🌈
• Comment: Shane Hollander at the BBQ is a pretty big win, they’re not wrong.
• Comment: Congratulations Cap. Great fucking season this year. Lets get that Cup next year, yeah? GO CENS!
• Comment: Hell yeah, gayest team in the League, baby!! 🌈❤️

@BradsHockeyFacts:

Can’t believe the NHL is being taken over by all this woke agenda nonsense. Keep hockey about hockey. It’s not that fucking difficult. Enough with the fucking rainbow circus show already. 🌈🚫🤢

@NHL_Archives_Unofficial:

[This tweet has been removed for violating community guidelines]

@JustAHockeyDude81:

[Screenshot of Ilya and Shane about to start their speed skating race, both grinning at each other. ]

Ok, ok, I see it. I see it.

@IceIceIce:

Re-watching all their Irina Foundation videos and it’s sort of eerie actually. It’s like looking at one of those weird optical illusions where you suddenly just see it.

• Comment: Exactly! That’s it exactly, yeah... Then as soon as you’ve seen it, you can’t make your brain see anything else....

@HollanovNation:

Oh, ok, now everybody can see it. 🙄🙄🙄 It was there all along, people! We did try to tell y’all.

@IceIceIce replying to @HollanovNation:

Ok, yeah, you’ve got me there @HollanovNation sorry for calling you delusional, I guess.

@HollanovNation replying to @IceIceIce:

Really, that’s the best you can manage?

@IceIceIce replying to @HollanovNation:

*Through gritted teeth* I am very sorry for doubting you when you said Hollander and Rozanov were already in love this whole time. You were actually *takes deep breath* right about this from the beginning.

- Comment: There you go, that wasn’t so hard, was it?

- Comment: I think I need to go lie down in a darkened room now. Goodbye world, lets try this again tomorrow, shall we?

@ShanesBillboardWatch:

[A screenshot taken from the video of Shane and Ilya’s run at the park. They are stood together during a water break. Shane has lifted up the hem of his shirt to wipe the sweat from his face, briefly revealing his abs and chest. Ilya is leering at Shane, eyes fixed on his torso. ]

Caught this screenshot at just the right moment (yes I was trying to get a photo of Shane’s abs, don’t judge me) and well...  👀👀

• Comment: Ok, well, yes, now its obvious.
• Comment: God, are we all idiots?
• Comment: Hate to say it, but if I’d seen that picture yesterday I would have assumed Rozy was just gearing up to chirp him.
• Comment: So, in conclusion, we are idiots, yes.

@TalkIceToMe retweeting @ShanesBillboardWatch:

Can’t believe I was so distracted by Shane Hollander’s abs that I totally failed to notice Ilya Rozanov also being distracted by Shane Hollander’s abs.

• Comment: How?!? How did we miss this?!??
• Comment: It’s only there for a split second. You have to screenshot it just right. But still...
• Comment: Pretty sure the only reason this didn’t end up safely on the cutting room floor was that Harris Drover was also distracted by Shane Hollander’s abs.

@FranksHockeyChannel324:

[Two images side by side. In the first, Ilya Rozanov is mid game, speeding down the rink. His gaze is locked on Shane, eyes dark. The second image is the same screenshot of Ilya leering as Shane lifts his shirt to wipe the sweat from his face. ]

Within Ilya Rozanov there are two wolves...and they both want to eat Shane Hollander.

• Comment: Okay, yep. You’ve solved it. That right there is the correct answer. No arguments from me.
• Comment: 😂😂😂 Oh yeah, absolutely.
• Comment: Bro is practically drooling. Come on, how did we not see this before?
• Comment: Well, some of us very much did see this before 👀👀👀
• Comment: Yes, we’ve only been pointing this out for years already 🙄😭😤

@MetrosThree-peat:

So, @MontréalMetrosOfficial you gonna congratulate your Captain on getting engaged or...?

• Comment: Really hoping this silence doesn’t mean anything....
• Comment: Sure they’ll get to it. They’re probably busy behind the scenes.
• Comment: They’re out of playoffs already. How busy can they be?
• Comment: Maybe they just don’t wanna get involved in politics, have you thought about that?
• Comment: Oh, so Shane Hollander chose to be gay to make a statement, that what you’re saying? 🙄
• Comment: Come on Metros, don’t let me down like this. We’re waiting 🏳️‍🌈⛸️🏆💍
• Comment: Alright Metros, get it together, stand behind your Captain. What’s with the hold up? Ottawa is making us look like a shit team here.

@QueerHockeyFanChat:

Re-watching and I realised every bet Ilya makes is an excuse to go on a date together. Every single one. 🥹🥹🥹🥹

• Comment: Oh, ok, just stab me in the heart, why don’t you?
• Comment: And now I’m crying. Well, okay then.
• Comment: Right, well then, I see, can somebody pass me the tissues, please? 😭💔

@OttawaOutAndProud retweeting @HockeyQueerFanChat:

Oh, that man really wanted out of the closet and into the daylight, huh?

• Comment: Or he wanted to show off his super hot, super talented fiancé?
• Comment: It’s Ilya Rozanov, guys. The answer is both. It’s absolutely both.

@HockeysFirstHusbands:

If these two don’t race each other down the aisle at their wedding, well...I'm just saying it would be a missed opportunity, is all...

• Comment: Ok, but what deal would they make for that? What does the winner get?
• Comment: Winner gets to throw the bouquet. Obviously.

@ScottHunterOfficial:

[ Image of a written statement. The text of the statement reads as follows: ]

To Ilya Rozanov and Shane Hollander, congratulations and thank you for joining our select group of out and currently active queer NHL players. Hopefully our numbers will only continue to grow.

Queer players have always been a part of this sport. What’s changing is whether we are forced to hide who we are to be allowed to compete.

I’m sure the road you two have taken to get here can’t have been easy. You both have my sincere support and congratulations - on coming out and on your engagement. The league wouldn’t be the same without either of you and everyone in the NHL knows it.

See you both out on the ice,

Scott Hunter

[ Statement ends ]

--

[Scott Hunter has added you to a new group chat]

Shane: Hi Scott, guessing you’ve been on the internet today then.

Scott Hunter: Yeah, man. Woah, it really has blown up. It’s everywhere already. Guess you two knew that would happen though.

Scott Hunter: Anyway, congratulations guys, really.

Lily: Thank you Hunter.

Lily: Why is Kip not in this chat too? He’s more fun than you are

Scott Hunter: 🙄

Scott Hunter: Because I’m still not sure how I feel about you two texting, that’s why.

Lily: Aw but Kip loves me.

Scott Hunter: Yes, that’s what I’m not sure about.

Scott Hunter: Still can’t believe you got his number.

Scott Hunter: Anyway, what I meant to say was just let me know if there’s anything I can do to help. With the league and everything. Always happy to present a united front, y’know?

Shane: Thank you. If there is anything, we’ll let you know. But you’ve already done a lot to help us really just by coming out when you did.

Scott Hunter: Really?

Shane: Yeah, it made a huge difference, actually.

Scott Hunter: Oh, ok, well, I’m glad to hear that.

Scott Hunter: No snarky comment from you Rozanov?

Lily: No, Shane is right. Is true. You’ve already helped us a lot.

Scott Hunter: Oh, woah.

Scott Hunter: Ok, well, didn’t expect that but I’m glad, guys, really. And do let me know if there’s more I can do, ok?

Shane: Of course. Thank you again.

Lily: 🫡

--

@BostonBabesUnited:

Anyone else wonder what happened to that one account that went all in on the bromance angle right before the relationship announcement dropped?

• Comment: Idk but if that was me I would delete my account, for sure
• Comment: And move to the woods
• Comment: Yep

@NHL_Iced_Tea:

In headline news from the NHL this month, Ilya Rozanov gets a dog and a fiancé.

@NHL_Iced_Tea:

Oh and the fiancé is Shane Hollander. Did we forget to mention that?

@Cens4Life retweeting @NHL_Iced_Tea:

Ilya Rozanov is really about to just be living the life, eh? That man may never stop smiling again

@AnyaUpdatesUnofficial retweeting @NHL_Iced_Tea:

He gets to go on runs with his dog and his fiancé Shane without having to pretend to be just buddies anymore 🥹🥹

• Comment: *or enemies
• Comment: God, these two really have been through a lot, haven't they? So happy for them honestly. And for Anya, now with her two millionaire dads who are both probably even more excited to go out on a run than she is. That dog won the adoption lottery, huh?

@FutureMrsRozanov:

Ok, well, I guess if I was going to lose out to anyone at least it’s Shane Fucking Hollander. 🤷‍♀️🌈💔💍

Also, if I complain too hard today, I’m gonna get lumped in with the homophobes and I couldn’t live with myself if that happened. So, guess I will have to bow out graciously. 🫡

@NHL_Hyperfixation:

Anyone else worried we haven’t heard any kind of response from NHL Headquarters about Shane and Ilya’s announcement yet...? Don’t want to be overly paranoid here but I don’t think the radio silence should necessarily be taken as a good sign...

@OttawaOutAndProud:

We’re all so curious Harris @OttawaCentaursOfficial @HarrisAtTheOrchard  how was it working on these videos behind the scenes? How was working with Hollander and Rozanov?

@HarrisAtTheOrchard retweeting @OttawaOutAndProud:

Thought I’d best take this question from my personal account.

@HarrisAtTheOrchard retweeting @OttawaOutAndProud:

Oh, it has been my favourite project I have ever worked on. Without a doubt. Which is really saying something considering how much I love my day job working for the Centaurs. Shane and Ilya were lovely to work with and they are both just so good together. 🧵 1 / 3

@HarrisAtTheOrchard:

And, yes, so incredibly competitive. I won’t be saying the word ‘tie’ around Shane again if I can help it 😂😂 To be serious for a moment though, it was a privilege to witness, really, and to be given so much trust by two close friends in working on this project together.🧵 2 / 3

@HarrisAtTheOrchard:

Even though it took me so so much longer than I expected to edit out every time those two looked like they might be about to kiss. Just buckets of outtakes, honestly. 🧵 3 / 3

@Hollanov2481:

Harris! You are here! @HarrisAtTheOrchard any chance we can get a look at some of those outtakes? I would possibly sell my soul for this so, y’know, no pressure or anything. All very casual here. But, like, could we?

@HockeyHotties:

Oh my God, genius idea @Hollanov2481 Harris, any chance you can ask Shane and Ilya if they’d be up for releasing any of the outtakes at all?! 👀👀👀

@Hollanov2481 replying @HockeyHotties:

Oh, so now you appreciate my ideas, ehh? Uhhh, I want to be petty about this so very badly but also, by God, I want those outtakes more so...thank you @HockeyHotties, much appreciated.

@HollanovHockeyFreaks:

OUTTAKES!!!! Please Harris, oh my God, can we see your buckets and buckets of ‘times those two looked like they might be about to kiss.’ You can have my first born, my Grandma’s secret lasagne recipe, my undying devotion. Whatever you want.

@AdmiralsUpdatesUnofficial:

Hearing some unsettling rumors out of the NHL Headquarters in New York. Hard to say exactly what’s going on. Wonder if maybe the higher ups aren’t too happy with Hollander and Rozanov’s announcement being the final death knell to the whole rivalry narrative....

@SamsHockeyHighlights:

Just the idea of outtakes has me buzzing. What has happened to me? When did I become like this?

@HarrisAtTheOrchard:

So Ilya and Shane have decided that on the whole they wish to maintain their privacy and not share more of themselves and their relationship than they already have. But they have decided to share just one outtake with the internet at large. (Oh and Ilya asked to be the one to post the clip this time, so I’m sure you’ll be able to find the new video over on @IlyaRozanov81 shortly )

@HollanovFirstAndLast:

OH MY GOD its really happening!!! Only one outtake but still (!!!!!) Aahhhfstfvxaohga so fucking excited, my hands are fucking shaking right now.

@IlyaRozanov81:

Thank you for the congratulations, internet. Yes, my fiancé is very hot. And sort of good at hockey. A bit. Maybe.

We have decided to share just one outtake with you all as thank you for all the support.

я тебя люблю, Shane ❤️

• Comment from @ShaneHollanderHockeyPlayer: 🙄 Remind me who has more Stanley Cups again, Rozanov?
• Comment from @ShaneHollanderHockeyPlayer: я тебя люблю Ilya.
• Comment: Oh so they just be like that, then?
• Comment: 😂😂😂😂
• Comment: The Russian I love you’s. Oh my heart 🥹🥹
• Comment: OUTTAKE! OUTTAKE! OUTTAKE! Thank you Ilya. Thank you Shane.

[Video begins ]

Shane and Ilya are both out on the empty ice at the Centaurs’ rink in a clip from their All Stars On Home Ice video. They are skating together toward the camera, talking as they go. Both are still in their full practice gear, though no longer wearing their helmets.

“Yes, of course,” says Ilya, coming to a halt in front of the camera in a spray of ice. “Bood will have another BBQ. Next weekend, maybe. So this time we can both go.”

Shane comes to a halt beside him. “I really do want to go this time, you know that, right? I really do. But you’ve got to ask him about it as well. You can’t just decide he’ll host a BBQ without even asking him first.”

Ilya waves a hand. “Ah, do not worry. It will be fine. He will want to do it, he loves me.”

“But you didn’t actually ask him?”

Ilya shrugs. “Will be fine.”

“You are so...”

“Presumptuous, yes?”

Shane frowns. “Who the [beep] taught you that wor- no, no, I didn’t. I didn’t say it!”

Ilya rounds on him, a smile splitting his face. “Oh, you are wanting to know who taught me this word, Hollander? Who taught me this word? That was your question?”

Shane hunches forward and puts his head in his hands. “No, nope,” he says, straightening up. “I didn’t ask. You can’t. You...”

Ilya skates up to stand closer beside Shane, looping an arm around his waist. “Hmm, I think you did. I think you want to know, yes?”

Shane closes his eyes and drops his forehead to Ilya’s shoulder. “[Beep].”

“That is not a question, Hollander.”

“Okay, okay,” Shane raises his head once more and takes a deep breath, “Rozanov. Ilya. Who taught you that word?”

Ilya leans in, his mouth right beside Shane’s ear, breath ghosting across his neck and whispers, “Scott Hunter.”

Shane’s eyes go wide and he snaps his head around to face him. “What? Wha...Scott Hunter? What the [beep]?”

Ilya stares back, lip twitching until his expression abruptly cracks and he breaks out into peels of laughter, clinging to Shane as he struggles to stay upright on his skates. “Ah, Shane, sweetheart, your face.”

“I hate you.”

Ilya manages to stand under his own strength once more and grins at Shane, eyes bright. “You hate me, Hollander? Ah, no. I do not think this is true.”

Ilya smacks a kiss to Shane’s cheek then goes to skate away. Shane sighs, still laughing a little. He catches Ilya’s arm and drags him back in for a real kiss. Ilya’s hands find Shane’s jaw and Shane buries his fingers into Ilya’s curls, angling his face and pulling them tighter together as he deepens the kiss.

From behind the camera, Harris chuckles. “Well, I think I’m just going to leave them to it for now, to be honest. We can just pick this back up in a bit.”

[Video ends]

@RozanovUpdatesUnofficial:

Oh no he didn’t @ScottHunterOfficial

@RozRozRoz:

Is...is this the final evolution of the Scott Hunter is old joke?

@HollanovAreInLove:

‘Sweetheart.’ Sweetheart. Oh my God. 🫠

@Hollanov2481:

Sweetheart 💔😭🏳️‍🌈🥰 Ok, I can die happy now

@HockeyHotties:

🥵🥵🥵🥵

@ShaneBillboardWatch replying to @HockeyHotties:

Right, that kiss though?

@KatyaKeepsTheScore:

Fuck, they just look so happy together.

@KatyaKeepsTheScore:

Also, I am loving seeing Rozy really laugh. Kid has not had it easy. Growing up Russian and queer must have been so tough.

@BostonBornAndBred:

Ilya Rozanov logic – the only thing better than a Your Mama joke is a Scott Hunter joke.

• Comment: I mean, though, is he wrong?
• Comment: No, no he isn’t

@IlyaBadIdeasRozanov:

I really thought Rozanov was going to take advantage of his new ‘out’ status as bisexual to make a ‘Your Dad’ joke but no, he went one better @ScottHunterOfficial

• Comment: Crying laughing at this. Nobody is doing it like you, Rozy. For real, man.

@HollandersLeftShinGuard:

So, did they get to have the BBQ then or....?

• Comment by @BoodramBeGrilling: Of course. Any excuse, y’know? And who wouldn’t want a chance to meet Shane Hollander properly. Especially since he’s marrying my Captain. Gotta give the guy the shovel talk, y’know? 😉
• Comment: I love this supportive team. Also the image of someone giving a shovel talk on behalf of the Russian Terror on Ice is 😂😂😂😂
• Comment: Hmm, maybe not so presumptuous after all. Maybe he just knows his team 🤔

@BostonCarRepaires:

Of course this was the one outtake Ilya Rozanov wanted to share. That man is committed, I'll give him that.

• Comment: Yes, to the bit and also to Shane Hollander.

@RozanovUpdatesUnofficial:

Something about all this makes it really obvious that Scott Hunter was a big name player when Ilya and Shane were rookies together just joining the league. I don’t quite know how to explain it but....

@KatyaKeepsTheScore retweeting @RozanovUpdatesUnofficial:

No, no, I see it.

Ilya and Shane are the kids sat at the back of the classroom throwing stuff and sneaking off to kiss behind the gym while Mr. Hunter is stood up at the front trying to give a lecture on inclusivity.

@RozanovUpdatesUnofficial replying to @KatyaKeepsTheScore:

Ok, yes, that. That’s what it is. You are a genius, thank you.

@Kingfisher_GameNight:

‘Presumptuous’ being the word here though, like...so many people have presumed so much about Ilya-straightest-guy-in-the-league-Rozanov, ‘Oh, of course he’s homophobic, he’s Russian.’ So, like, is this maybe a bit of a call out as well as a joke? Its got layers, is all I’m saying...

@KylesCocktails retweeting @Kingfisher_GameNight:

And maybe paying a little bit of homage as well to the guy who did it first...👀

• Comment: Oh come on, Rozanov hates Scott Hunter. There’s no way he respects him like that.
• Comment: Yeah, Roz hates him. There’s no way they’re friendly
• Comment: Oh no, not this again. 😂😂😂
• Comment: I didn’t mean it like that. Its just Roz is always antagonising the guy
• Comment: Not everybody knows this but apparently ‘antagonising’ is actually Russian for ‘I’d like to be friends.’

@HollanderIsGOATed:

Still nothing from the Metros. Come on, get it together, guys.

@RozyzzzzGirl81:

Oh, oh, oh (!!!) Somebody find that video from like a month ago where everyone thought Ilya Rozanov was being homophobic to Scott Hunter.

@HunterIsHot243 retweeting @RozyzzzzGirl81:

Oh my God, yes, I forgot about that. We gotta get the lip readers on that, stat.

• Comment: Uh oh, were we a little too presumptuous...
• Comment: Looks like we’re about to find out.

@LucysOnSightReads:

Got it. Here you go guys. Usual caveats that lip reading is not an exact science etc. etc. Think I got most of this one though.

[Video begins, includes additional closed captioning]

Ilya skates up to the center line before a game and gestures Scott over to join him.

“What do you want, Rozanov?”

“Always so polite, Hunter.” Ilya grins, eyes bright.

“Spit it out, I don’t have all day here.”

Ilya rolls his eyes, sighing. “Uhh, Hunter, calm down. I do not bite. Or, not for you anyway.”

Hunter’s frown darkens at that. “Spit it out, Rozanov” he says again, jaw tight.

“Ah, I am meeting you at your bar. At the Kingfisher. After the game. Thought you should know.” Ilya flashes another grin.

“What? Shouldn’t you be like, asking me first? It’s my fucking bar.”

“No, no, do not worry your tired mind about it.” Ilya waves a hand, smiling with too many teeth. “Is all arranged already.”

“All arranged already...? Presumptuous much, Rozanov?”

“What? Nobody is using this old stupid English except you, Hunter. But does not matter what you are saying. Kip says we are both meeting him at Kingfisher after the game. He said to pass on message to you. So you will be there, yes?” With a widening smirk, Ilya adds, “happy husband, happy life, no?” He shoots Scott an exaggerated wink then turns and skates away.

Scott stands and stares after him, expression motionless, jaw slack. “What in the fuck was...?”

[Video ends]

@HollanovIsLife retweeting @LucysOnSightReads:

💀💀💀💀💀

@CantCatchCap:

Oh he is a fucking nightmare and also my absolute favourite always ❤️🔥💀

Oh and 🌈 now too, I guess 🤷‍♂️

@QueerHockeyFanChat:

Come on now, Scott, Rozy was making plans with your husband to meet at the gay bar you own. Come on Hunter, you gotta get your gaydar in better working order than this. Or just ask your husband. Seems like Kip knew what was up wayyyy before you did.  

@HuntMePleaseSir:

Well, fuck me, we found the original texts.

• Comment: Dude wasn’t even lying. He really did learn it off Hunter
• Comment: As someone who began with English only at twenty, I appreciate Roz for not blinking here and instead just insulting Hunter for using a word he does not know. English is the fucking worst sometimes, really.

@MyMontrealRunningDiary:

My cousin’s best friend works as a cleaner at the Metro’s rink and she is hearing a lot of mutterings about ‘considering the consequences’ and ‘team unity’ and even whether there should be an investigation opened into ‘fraternisation’ or something like that.

• Comment: Ok, well, that all sounds super dramatic and also very stupid. So excuse me if I don’t take your cousin’s friends word for it, random stranger on the internet.

@RozanovChirpTracker retweeting @LucysOnSightReads:

Oh my fucking God Rozy, never change, man. Never change.

• Comment: Casually dropping the ‘I’ve been texting with your husband.’ Nobody is doing it like Rozy, man. Dude is one of a kind, for real.
• Comment: Almost embarrassed to admit this but I’ve been following this account for years and it’s only just occurred to me now that Rozy has never made a homophobic chirp.
• Comment: Well, I guess he’s told a few guys he could give them the best blowjob of their life. In response to f-slurs, generally. Which, ok, looking at it now...was maybe just a brag, idk.
• Comment: Dude really perfected the art of hiding in plain sight, eh? Jesus Christ, what a day

@ScottAndKipKissCam:

Oh my God Hunter, your face.

Also, maybe we all jumped on Roz for this cos Hunter also wasn’t sure if Roz was being homophobic so we all just saw the body language and assumed. Which, not great but not hard to see how this got misconstrued, honestly. #SorryRozy I see now you just wanted to hang at the gay bar with hockey’s most famous couple.

• Comment: Well, most famous couple before today that is. Very much not after today though.
• Comment: Kip and Roz are texting buddies?!? Oh I would bet my ass Kip has had his suspicions on the whole gay or European thing for a while.
• Comment: Well, if so then looks like he would definitely be right.
• Comment: Appropriately, perhaps, I think #RussianAndQueer might be the much more tragic coded version of #GayOrEuropean

@AdmiralsUpdatesUnofficial:

More rumors of unrest at NHL Headquarters. Also hearing that Crowell contacted Scott Hunter to try to dissuade him from offering support publically to the new couple. Starting to wonder if things might be about to get real ugly here...

• Comment: Oh come on now. They’re a sports organisation, not a shady cabal. And discrimination based on sexual orientation is illegal. This isn’t the KHL, for God’s sake.

@ScottCupKiss17:

Crying laughing at that Scott Hunter video 💀 Apparently Scott’s *blank stare because homophobia* and Scott’s ‘Why is Ilya Rozanov texting my husband?’ expressions are a little too similar. 

@OttawaRestaurantRecs:

Out at a bar in Ottawa and half the Centaurs are here all just laughing about how down bad their Captain is for his fiancé and talking about how good it is to see Rozy looking really happy for once. 🥹🥹🥹

@RyanPriceAppreciator retweeting @OttawaRestaurantRecs:

This team, man. Think I just might have to become a Cen’s fan. Guess its a good job they aren’t terrible at hockey anymore.

Chapter End Notes

 

Scott: So are we both just meant to be fine with Ilya and Kip flirting with each other?

Rook: I can’t speak for Kip but Ilya definitely isn’t flirting. He’s not being mean enough.

Rook: Plus, he hasn’t called Kip boring even once.

Scott: Okay....Well, ignoring that. You really don’t mind them texting?

Rook: Aren’t you meant to be supportive of us having more gay community? As one of the queer elderly?

Scott: It’s queer elders.

Rook: Oh, Ilya told me the term for you was queer elderly.

Scott: He’s fucking with you.

Rook: I don’t think so.

Scott: Ok, hang on. You’re fucking with me, aren’t you?

Rook: Funny that. Almost as though I’m starting to sound like him.

Scott: Ok, yeah, alright. I do deserve that actually.

 

Chapter 11: Wind Me Up and Watch Me Go

Chapter Notes

Again, just a heads up that there are a few tweets expressing homophobic views in this chapter. Also, the Metros situation too.

@NHL_Official:

[ Image bearing the NHL's official statement in response to the relationship announcement of Ilya Rozanov and Shane Hollander. The text of the image reads as follows: ]

Both Ilya Rozanov and Shane Hollander have a long and storied history in this sport.

We would like to reassure all interested parties that the NHL is in contact with the Montréal Metros and the Ottawa Centaurs regarding their current team Captains.

The nature of this type of interaction and fraternisation between Captains from rival teams creates a new and unprecedented situation. With this in mind, Ilya Rozanov and Shane Hollander have both been placed on administrative leave as a precautionary measure while the situation is given full consideration.

The NHL kindly asks that the fans and the players continue to put their trust in us, while we work behind the scenes to ensure all due diligence is taken, in respect to the current circumstances and their implications. Teams and players can rest assured that whether any need for an investigation is indicated will be given all appropriate consideration.

The NHL's focus is and always should be on hockey first and foremost and we are committed to honoring our obligations to the sport we all love.

[ Image text ends ]

@KatyaKeepsTheScore:

Come again? @NHL_Official

@HollanovsFirstFan retweeting @NHL_Official:

‘precautionary measures,’ ‘due diligence.’ What in the fuck just happened?

@HockeyLifeHockeyWife retweeting @NHL_Official:

Thank you, NHL. About time this situation got treated with the seriousness it deserves.

@HollanderStan2424 retweeting @NHL_Official:

Administrative leave. Administrative leave. They fucking benched them? Or whatever the hell you call benching in the fucking offseason? What in the hell do they mean by ‘while this situation is given full consideration.’ 🤬🚫🤢

@ChironsCentaurs retweeting @NHL_Official:

What in the smarmy PR legalese is this? You think you can cover up your homophobia by throwing stones? Talking about ‘Rival Captains’ and, what, lack of commitment to their teams? Potential match fixing?? From Mr Overly Competitive 1 and 2?

@HockeySpotlight95 retweeting @NHL_Official:

Well done on a tough decision in difficult circumstances. This is the correct approach to a new and unfolding situation. An abundance of caution is always preferable to not enough caution.

• Comment: That statement is an abundance of something alright....

@RozRozRoz retweeting @NHL_Official:

Think I need a shower after reading that. 🤮

@NHL_Ice_Tea retweeting @NHL_Official:

‘...whether any need for an investigation is indicated will be given all appropriate consideration.’

Appropriate consideration? Appropriate consideration? Ok, so, none then.

This announcement can fuck all the way off, actually.

@SuzieOutAndAbout retweeting @NHL_Official:

Oh my God, you can't be serious! Considering an investigation...into what? Are they seriously implying throwing games? These two? Are they stupid? How are they this stupid?

• Comment: *hate to be all pedantic about this, but I think you misspelt ‘homophobic’
• Comment: Oh. OH. Yeah, ok, well fuck me. What is this, the fucking 1950s?
• Comment: Its hockey so 🤷‍♂️

@QueerHockeyFanChat retweeting @NHL_Official:

Kindly put my trust in the league? Rest assured? Rest-a-fucking- sured??? No I will fucking not, actually. Somebody get me a web link for filing an official complaint with the NHL right the fuck now.

@SharpAsSkates81:

‘Teams and players can rest assured that whether any need for an investigation is indicated will be given all appropriate consideration.’

This sentence is so ass backwards because they are too fucking chicken shit to come straight out with the threat. They want to wave around a piece of paper with the idea of a threat on it while lots of lawyers murmur in the background and then say, ‘Who? What? Us? No, not us, our focus is on the hockey and ensuring fair play by all.’ 🤢Fucking bullshit

• Comment: ‘...current team Captains’ is also a threat, I think.
• Comment: Yep, I reckon so. Jesus.

@IceIceBaby retweeting @NHL_Official:

Oh fuck off, really? Who does Roger Crowell think he is? The Ghost of Homophobia Past come to rattle his chains at us. Fuck off. What year does he think he’s living in?

• Comment: Aren’t they looking for misconduct or match fixing though? Who said anything about homophobia?
• Comment: [ Link to Irina Foundation videos ]
• Comment: Go watch those and then come back and try again, yeah?

@ThatHockeyLesbian:

‘Love Hockey, Hate the NHL’ is feeling particularly true this morning.

Alright, folks. What’s the plan here then?

@PuckTalk4536:

Why does everyone keep assuming the league’s acting due to homophobia? Hollander and Rozanov play for different teams. They are rivals. There’s a clear conflict of interest here. What if they are throwing games? Fixing matches?

• Comment: Oh come on. That throwing games narrative is about as likely to take off as Shane Hollander is to let his fiancé beat him in a game of fucking Monopoly.
• Comment: Yeah, absolutely. It’s homophobia, pure and simple. That weak ass cover screen of a story is only making it more obvious, really.
• Comment: Yep. Nobody who’s seen these two interact would believe they’d ever throw a game. Hollander would probably give himself an ulcer just thinking about it.

@HollanovHockeyFreaks:

I feel sick actually. Suspended? Possibly an investigation? What are they doing to our boys??

@HollanovFirstAndLast:

I am vibrating with the need to throw something right now and it’s not a fucking game, I can tell you that. Thinking NHL Headquarters and a fucking brick. What in the fuck?

• Comment: Just a tip for any newbie activists out there, ok? Don’t announce it on the internet first if you wanna go all hockey stonewall on us, yeah?
• Comment: Also, before you don the balaclava and hit the streets, just send in an official League complaint real quick [ Link ]
• Comment: Not that I’m trying to discourage the anger or anything. Just, lets meet them on all fronts and that, y’know? Official complaint first then maybe we can escalate to protests, banner drops, sit ins and on up from there 🪧🤬😤
• Comment: Ok but if hockey stonewall is on the cards, can you let me know? I need to book the time off work...

@TalkIceToMe:

Ok, if that’s how you wanna play @NHL_Official, then fucking bring it.

Since you’ve benched the First Husbands of Hockey then I’m sure we can all get a little competitive on their behalf, right guys? 🧵 1 / 2

@TalkIceToMe:

So...here’s where you can submit an official complaint to the NHL - Link.

Or you can write directly to Roger Crowell here - Email address for the Commissioner’s Office.

Also, because - reading between the lines 🤷‍♂️😕 - they probably deserve it  – Email address for the Office of the Metros General Manager.  🧵 2 / 2

@HockeyIsForEveryone:

You all know what to do.

[ Link to submit an official complaint to the NHL ]

#StrongerTogether ⛸️🏳️‍🌈

@HollanovNation:

Alright, we have not come this fucking far to get shipwrecked by Roger Fucking Crowell.

[ Link to submit an official complaint to the NHL ]

Let’s fucking do this.

@LauraSánchezFloridaWarriors:

‘Unprecedented?’ Do they really always have to pretend that professional women’s hockey doesn’t exist? This action by Crowell is dangerous and unacceptable. 🧵 1 / 4

@LauraSánchezFloridaWarriors:

I am a professional hockey player and I am currently out for breakfast with my girlfriend (Boston Seahawks), my ex (Florida Warriors) and our friends and married couple Jan Douglas (New Jersey Titans) and Sarah Harley (New York Panthers) 🧵 2 / 4

@LauraSánchezFloridaWarriors:

We have been so glad to see this very normal state of affairs (yes, queer people play hockey) start to find some space to exist in the NHL, too. Crowell trying to quash this and re-instate the homophobic status quo is a disgrace. 🧵 3 / 4

@LauraSánchezFloridaWarriors:

We stand with Ilya Rozanov, Shane Hollander and all the closeted NHL players watching this unfold and wondering what it means for their own safety and careers. Let’s get loud, people. Submit an official complaint to the NHL. Email or call Roger Crowell’s Office. Or better yet, if you live in Canada, call your elected representatives. 🧵 4 / 4

@WalkRunSkate:

Thank you Laura Sánchez and the rest of the professional women’s league for showing us how things should be.

And @LauraSánchezFloridaWarriors is right. The NHL’s weak excuse of an unprecedented situation is not hiding the blatant homophobia at play here. 🧵 1 / 2

@WalkRunSkate:

Anyone who’s been following along with the unfolding story of the friendship turned romance between Hollander and Rozanov knows these two would sooner hang up their skates for good than ever throw a game.

We have had gay marriage in Canada since 2005. This type of discrimination in our National sport...it isn’t who we should be as a country. We’re better than this. Or, at least, we should be. So call your elected representatives and tell them that. 🧵 2 / 2

@SkateItLikeYouMeanIt retweeting @TalkIceToMe:

Done ✅️

File those complaints, people! And call your representatives too. Here’s a suggested script for anyone else who’s like me and struggles with phone calls [ Link ]

Lets do this, people.

For Shane and Ilya ❤️

@OttawaCentaursOfficial:

[ A series of three images of Ilya out on the ice; at the face off dot, arms raised after scoring a goal and in the handshake line. The ‘C’ on his jersey is prominent in all of the photos. ]

Captain Ilya Rozanov.

• Comment: Hell yes Ottawa coming in with the fucking shade.
• Comment: Past Captain. Current Captain. Future Captain.
• Comment: Of course Ottawa stands with their Captain. That’s my fucking team 🫡🥹🏳️‍🌈

@Hollanov2481:

Ok, well, I would have liked a bit more of an apology from everyone who called us crazy for so many years, to be honest. But yes, of course I will settle for help with getting our boys unbenched. That’s pretty fucking great too, I guess.

@KatsHockeyChitChat:

This whole situation is crazy. Like, just, they do know they’re talking about Shane and Ilya, right???

Reporter: ‘Hey, so, Rozanov, have you ever thrown a game for your fiancé?’

Ilya Rozanov: *visibly confused* But if I didn’t try to win, how would he know I was flirting with him?

@NHL_Hyperfixation retweeting @KatsHockeyChitChat:

Ok, I know this is all awful and horrible and we shouldn’t be laughing but also, like, that’s the thing, isn’t it? It’s funny because it’s so stupid. It’s such transparent bullshit. These two? Not trying to win? Come the fuck on

@TalkTheTalk88:

It’s all very well to cry homophobia over every little thing but how do you know the whole competitive spirit thing isn’t a cover up? There’s a lot of money in match fixing, after all.

@HomeRinkReverie retweeting @TalkTheTalk88:

Ok, well, firstly, they’re fucking multi-millionaires already. They’re on well over 5 million a year each, plus sponsorship deals. Why would they care about match fixing money on the side? 🤨

Secondly, there’s no way they faked everything in the Irina videos. Go watch Shane-awkward-Hollander give some post-game interviews and then tell me you seriously think that man can act? 🤨🤨

@ThatsMyMetros:

Still nothing from the Metros.

They are not about to throw their franchise player under the (team) bus, are they? Oh, I am sick to my stomach. Please, please be better than this @MontréalMetrosOfficial

@MontrealMetrosSupreme:

[ This tweet has been removed for violating community guidelines. ]

@OttawaAlways:

Oh, so you’re dealing with the two most competitive people alive (apart from Yuna, obviously 🫡) and you think they’d throw games? You think being married isn’t going to make them even more competitive?

@FaceOffDot replying to @OttawaAlways:

Right? Pretty sure Shane Hollander would gnaw his own arm off before he threw a game for Ilya Rozanov, let alone for his husband.

@HockeyPredictionsLog retweeting @FaceOffDot:

Even if they weren’t, y'know, all of the ways that they are. You think you'd dare to throw a game if Yuna was your mother-in-law?

• Comment: Or just your Mom, honestly

@SkateSkateSkate replying to @HockeyPredictionsLog:

Yep, yeah, I am 100% on board with the idea that Yuna Hollander cares more about the sanctity of hockey as a sport than Roger fucking Crowell. Not even a question, really.

@SamForTheCentaurs retweeting @SkateSkateSkate:

I mean, does Crowell even like hockey? 🤷‍♂️ cos banning the two best players on the ice in a generation is a hell of a way to show it.

• Comment: I think Crowell likes hockey culture. Or at least what he thinks hockey culture should be.
• Comment: Oh, so you mean all the worst parts?
• Comment: Yep, pretty much.

@PlayLikeAGirl:

Bit off topic but can you imagine if Shane Hollander had ever tried to bring home a boyfriend who wasn't competitive?

@ShanesBillboardWatch replying to @PlayLikeAGirl:

Ok, like, very fucking funny and all but you seriously think Shane Hollander would ever touch a man who would say ‘at the end of the day, it's only a game, y'know? Does it really matter who wins as long as we all had fun?’

• Comment: Oh no 💀💀💀 Oh no, you are right. He would not. Not on his life.
• Comment: Ilya Rozanov – ‘Am I throwing games? No. I would like to have sex with my husband again so, no, no I am not.’

@MetrosLoyalist101:

Not really down with the whole gay thing but I don't really think those two are the type to throw games, y'know?

@BostonBabesUnited:

Ok, hate to give effort points to a homophobe but we really are grading on a curve here so, good job @MetrosLoyalist101, I guess? 👀👀

• Comment: Yep, you said it
• Comment: **And a Rozy post-game fist bump for you too** Good job, I don't love you, but good job.

@ThatHockeyStatsGuy:

[ Posts two images bearing a written statement.  The first image reads: ]

Alright, some very unpleasant people keep asking me to do this so I did it. I took the whole morning and I crunched the numbers. And you know what I found? Exactly what we all f*cking knew already from seeing every single moment of their video series.

Hollander and Rozanov play harder and better against each other than anyone else. In games against each other, they both have higher averages for points, goals, number of checks and distance covered on the ice. This has been true their entire careers and remains true to this day.

Their relationship ‘of several years’ does not show up in their stats AT ALL. No change whatsoever. My guess as to when things turned romantic between them is as good as yours because it made NO DIFFERENCE AT ALL to their stats against each other. [Link for statistical approaches used and source data]

[ First image text ends ]

[ The text of the second image reads: ]

So, in summary, yes, they are as competitive as they seem. The numbers don’t lie and they reveal everything you would expect from two hyper competitive athletes hell bent on winning against each other.

This has been ‘Stats Against Homophobia,’ a TED Talk, thank you all for coming. Yes, this was a waste of my morning but at least the homophobes can’t keep shouting ‘but the stats’ and waving their arms in my mentions anymore. Well, I mean, they can. But I’m done responding. I have more important things to do. Gotta go file a complaint with the NHL. Oh, and maybe call the Commissioner’s office.

[ Second image text ends ]

• Comment: 🫡🫡🫡
• Comment: Always thought @ThatHockeyStatsGuy was a real one
• Comment: This doesn’t prove anything. You are clearly biased. Statistics require an objective mind. Not this fucking woke fanboy nonsense.

@RoseLandryIsMother:

OK, I’m here. Who am I meant to be mad at?

@RoseForPresident:

Who do I need to fight? Could someone from hockey twitter please give me the cliffnotes of what’s going down with Rose’s fave ex-boyfriend?

@RoseRoseRose:

Alright, where’s this homophobic dickbag of a sports director we are meant to be taking on? Somebody point me where I need to be already

• Comment: Sports director? You mean the NHL commissioner?
• Comment: Is he being homophobic to Rose’s ex-bf? Because if so then yes.

@LetsTalkPuck24:

So Rose Landry’s ex-boyfriend is in gay love with his arch rival and now the very mean and nasty Sports Director Roger Crowell is trying to get them kicked out of Hollywood, I mean, hockey.

• Comment: Alright, that was very patronizing but also very helpful.
• Comment: Ok, so now that I know what’s gone down around here, who are we emailing etc.? Give me the action points, please!

@PlayLikeAGirl:

Ok, to the Rose Landry Army – 1. Thank you for being here. 2. Here’s a summary of what’s gone down so far and a template for emailing NHL Commissioner Roger Crowell.

Document – click to download. Title: ‘Roger Crowell Is A Homophobic F-[beep]-ing [Beep]’

@ThatHockeyLesbian replying to @PlayLikeAGirl:

Oh my God, you did not just f-[beep]-ing censor the title like that 💀

• Comment: Of course. Got to pay homage to the original texts and all that 🤷‍♀️
• Comment: Alright, thanks for the giggles. Going to lock in now.
• Comment: 🫡

@TheRoseAndTheThorns:

Alright my fellow Rosettes, you know what to do. Lets get to it! 🌹💌📫🏳️‍🌈

@QueerHockeyFanChat:

They should sue the league, honestly. Imagine trying to defend this shit in court.

@KatyaKeepsTheScore:

Alright then, ladies and gentleman of the jury, here before us today we have the very serious accusation that Mr. If I Don't Beat Him, How Will He Know I'm Flirting and Shane-no-such-thing-as-a-tie-Hollander have been *checks notes* throwing games for each other...

@Jock4JockHockey retweeting @KatyaKeepsTheScore:

Ok, but, in this hypothetical, how much of the evidence submitted in their favor would consist of their sexts, do we think? Cos like...we all see the competition/foreplay/let's make a deal thing, right? 👀👀👀

@KathyCrafts57:

Oh, if they sue, can we have that as the next Irina Foundation video series? I would watch the shit outta that. Get fucking wrecked, Crowell.

@NHL_Official:

Shane Hollander and Ilya Rozanov are no longer on administrative leave, effective immediately.

The Commissioner’s office would like to wish both Captains a successful season next year and a good summer break.

Here’s to another great season of hockey, folks. See you in October.

@TalkIceToMe retweeting @NHL_Official:

Less than 48 hours and they’re running for cover. Eat shit, Roger Crowell.

@NHL_Hyperfixation retweeting @NHL_Official:

Jesus. Not an apology in sight, let alone a ‘congratulations on your relationship.’ But they have ceded all the ground. Walked everything right the way back, which is what really fucking counts, I guess. Still though, FUCK YOU @NHL_Official.

@SkateSkateSkate retweeting @NHL_Official:

Still dumbfounded how they thought they could get away with that but glad it’s over now. Hope Ilya and Shane can get back to organising their wedding in peace.

• Comment: You think these two jocks are sitting down and planning floral arrangements? Making seating charts? Wouldn’t be surprised if they forget to get fucking chairs.
• Comment: Oh my God, don’t. Laughing too hard at that. Though maybe its the stress relief of that second announcement. Fucking phew, eh? Although there is something kinda romantic in just caring about getting to be married, not all the rigmarole and ceremony of the thing.

@SharpAsSkates81:

I said it before and I’ll say it again. It’s Ilya Rozanov and Shane Hollander’s NHL and we’re all here to watch. To watch Ilya Rozanov and Shane Hollander. On the ice. Where they fucking belong.

@HollanovArmy:

Try this again, Crowell, and we will take your fucking job, I fucking swear to God.

--

Ilya enters the living room to find Shane hunched over on the couch, eyes locked on his phone.

“You are still reading?” Ilya says, drawing closer. “I thought you hated twitter? We’ve won, Shane. Is over.”

Shane twitches and shakes his head. “Metros group chat,” he says, voice harsh. He looks up then but fixes his gaze dead ahead, phone held loosely in one hand. “The team. They’re upset my administrative leave has been cancelled. They want it back on again. The suspension. The investigation...it...all of it...All the shit the league implied. Or, like, threatened, I guess.”

Ilya freezes at that. Fucking what? How dare they? “I...but...” Ilya is on the couch beside Shane before he realises he’s moved. He gently takes the phone from Shane’s hands and sets it down on the coffee table. “What are they saying? The...the decision is made. League backed down. Metros will have to put out statement now. Say they support you. The Metros organisation will have no choice now.”

Shane scrubs a hand across his eyes, hard. “It doesn’t fucking matter, Ilya. The team, they... They still...”

Ilya feels the blood drain from his face as it hits him. The situation in the Metros locker room, in the group chat, must be bad. Really bad. Must be so much worse then Shane has let on so far.

“Shane, lyubimyy, will you tell me how it is? What is happening? With your teammates? Please?”

Shane turns to face Ilya then. Something in Shane’s eyes has gone blank. Shut down. Or emptied out, maybe. Ilya feels his fists flex. What the fuck is happening? How is it this bad? How did he not already know about this? How did he not fucking see this?

Ilya puts one hand on Shane’s knee and squeezes, hoping the pressure will help. He is lost here right now. “Shane? Talk to me, sweetheart? I am here, okay?”

Shane’s gaze flicks toward him and away again. His shoulders are rising, hunching inward. He seems to make a conscious effort to lower them again. To unclench his jaw.

“It’s...look, I thought it would, like, I don’t know...blow over, maybe. They need time, y’know? To come around, I think. But its just...I...” He closes his eyes. Takes a deep, careful breath. “It was just jokes at first. Well, not jokes exactly but they didn’t believe it either, y’know? Not really, they just...”

“Shane, what? I...when was this? When did...”

“Oh, once the first couple of videos had gone viral, y’know? All that stuff online about us being friends and, well,” Shane’s face shuts down even further. “It was just Comeau and Wilson, mostly. To start with. Drapeau, too. At least where I could hear them anyway. Saying how I must be,” he grimaces, “bending over for you. Letting you fuck me. Or that I wanted you to. All that...” He waves a hand as if in slow motion. “Y’know how it is, locker rooms but they didn’t really believe it and it didn’t mean anything but like...”

“This was during playoffs?” Ilya fights to keep his voice soft. Even. He doesn’t want to interrupt Shane now he’s talking. Letting it all spill out. Doesn’t want to throw him off.

Shane gives a robotic nod. “They just really fucking hated that we were friends, I think. Like, its not loyal to be...Or, I don’t know. Maybe everything was already, even before, but...”

“Gospodi,” Ilya mutters. “Fuck them. Fuck all of them. They are nothing without you, sweetheart. Fucking nothing.”

Shane just shakes his head.

“And...” Ilya sighs, bracing. “Okay, okay and after...was it....”

“I knew it wouldn’t help, obviously. Them getting to find out that their fucking stupid jokes were true. Well, y’know, not like they think but still, true, y’know but...I mean, season’s over, right? They have the whole summer to cool off. Get used to the idea. And the fans are all, y’know, they have no problem, mostly, so...”

No problem is underselling it, in Ilya’s opinion. Rabidly supportive would be more accurate, maybe. At least for a good portion. Taking the fight straight to Crowell on their behalf. It’s a little hard to believe, still. The events of the last few days. Perhaps Harris is a witch, as David Hollander would say. Helping them steer through this storm with such exact and precise directions. Picking the right course time after time. Ilya sort of wants to buy Harris a mansion. With a huge orchard out back and a built in luxury dog spa for all the Drover family rescue’s they’re always taking in. And more pride pins than anyone could get through in a lifetime, plus the jackets to wear them on.

“Yes, the fans like us very much, I think.” He pauses, considers. “And now, today? You said the group chat?”

“They were all fucking thrilled, apparently, about the idea of us getting investigated. I don’t...uhh.” Shane shakes his head. “But then the internet, y’know? The league walked back all their fucking bullshit and now, well... I was half expecting the guys to just make another chat, y’know? If they wanted to...but....and it’s not just those three...well, or four maybe I guess, with Andropov. But its not just those four guys anymore, saying shit. Its...And the whole fucking chat is just...Well, not Hayden. And not J.J., though I don’t think J.J. is so happy with me right now. But the rest....”

They could have made a separate chat, Ilya realises. That’s what Shane is saying. They could have but they didn’t. Because they want Shane to see it. Want him to read it, this disgusting stuff they are saying about him.

Payback, Ilya guesses. Because they think Shane has tarnished their legacies somehow. Their legacies that Shane fucking built for them.

Ilya is so fucking angry. Who the fuck do they think they are? Fucking Comeau, Andropov, Wilson. Fucking Drapeau. None of them are good enough to be out on the ice with Shane. Fucking none of them and they dare to treat him like...

Ilya is desperate to demand answers. Demand to know why Shane didn’t tell him all this before now. Demand to know why Shane shut him out. Didn’t tell him before they came out, how bad things had already become. But he can’t. He knows he can’t. Ilya has been just as guilty of this, even if he’s trying to be better about it now.

The feeling of being on the other side of it though, of being the one left in the dark. Its far worse than he thought it would be.

How did Ilya fucking miss this? He knew things with Shane’s team weren’t great. Knew they didn’t like it, even when it was just Shane and Ilya publicising their friendship. Posting videos together. Fuck, but they fucking loathe Ilya in Montreal. A bunch of fucking homophobes and guys who cheat on their wives and they think he’s the asshole. It would be comical if it wasn’t so fucked.

He saw what all the talk about their close friendship did to the team dynamics in the playoffs. Had asked Shane about it, been brushed off and just, what? Let it drop. Ilya knew it would get worse after they came out but, what? He hoped that the team would see their own vested interests and fall in line. Would remember who had won them their fucking cups. Would remember Shane’s talent and settle down again.

Fuck, how can he have been so stupid? To think Shane’s talent would protect him? Like Ilya isn’t Grigori Rozanov’s son, Alexei’s brother. Like he doesn't fucking know. 

How could he be so fucking blind? Was he just so desperate to rid himself of this secret that he didn’t think? Didn’t stop to think about Shane? To put the pieces together? Too busy worrying about himself. Feeling like he might claw his own skin off if he had to keep this secret even a second longer and so he’d let Shane be- his stomach lurches. Ilya’s hand goes tight on Shane’s forearm. He wonders if he might throw up. Fuck.

Ilya takes a breath. Forces himself to loosen his fingers a bit. Rubs a hand over Shane’s forearm instead and tries to catch his eye. When that doesn’t work he draws Shane to him and into a hug. Holds him carefully. With all the care he worries he might have forgotten lately. Fuck, why didn’t Shane tell him before now?

Shane shudders, settles into his arms for a moment then pulls back. He turns his head to stare at the wall.

“They’re saying they think I fucking threw games, Ilya.” Now, for the first time, Shane’s voice cracks. Ilya looks at his face and his heart fucking breaks. This team. Shane’s team that he has given everything to for so many years. Since they were both just kids. Terrified and full of talent, raring to go. And now, fuck. Fucking fuck Montreal for this. Ilya is going to fucking kill all of them.

Shane swallows, tries again. “They....or- or they’re making it a joke but in a way that...Like it’s a... They think...How can they think that? The internet doesn’t think that. The internet is fucking laughing at the idea of us throwing games for each other. Like it....like its so ridiculous. Which it is! It fucking is. But the guys...

“How can people who’ve seen a couple of hours of video on the internet know me better than my team? The guys I’ve been on the ice with for a fucking decade?”

Ilya reaches for him then. Pulls him close again. Runs his hands up and down Shane’s back as he stares at the wall over Ilya’s shoulder. Presses kisses into his hair and across his temple.

“For a fucking decade, Ilya.”

Ilya takes a breath. Hesitates, thinking of what he needs to say here. He fucking hates talking about this. He hates it. But right now he doesn’t have anything else to offer. He squeezes Shane a little tighter. Runs his hands with more pressure. Up and down, up and down.

“My brother,” he starts. Stops. Tries again. His voice comes out tight, drawn thin. “Alexei, he....half my life he was right there. Every day. Picking me up from school. Taking me to hockey practice. Bringing me home again.” Ilya scoffs. “Calling for money. As soon as I fucking had any. Any at all.” He pauses, braces himself against the man in his arms. Fuck, where would he be without Shane? Ilya squeezes his eyes shut. “Who else have I spent more time with? Who have I spent more of my life around than my brother? Than my father?” Certainly not Shane, for all he fucking wishes. Not his mother either, in the end, for all Ilya would give both his hands to change that. He sighs. No, these pieces of his past are not things he can change. “Alexei. And my father. But they did not know me, Shane. They never knew me. Neither of them.”

“I...but...” Shane fades out, voice empty.

Ilya pulls back to look at him. “You cannot make people be better if they don’t want to be better, Shane. Is not your fault.”

“But I’m their Captain. I...I should have, like, made them be-”

“Yes, you are Captain, and they are adult men. Professionals. You cannot make this choice for them if they do not want to make it themselves. Is not your fault, Shane, that they are homophobes. And they are jealous of you, I think. Of your talent. So they see what they want to see.”

Shane’s face goes blank again at that. Ilya stiffens, unsure if he’s made the wrong move. Pushed too hard maybe.

Voice wooden, Shane says, “They are supposed to be my family. My brothers.”

Ilya tenses at that. Weighs his response. Weighs the words in his mouth before he speaks them. They taste like iron on his tongue.

He remembers the times Svetlana tried to tell him this same thing. How he never heard the intent behind the words, not then, it just hurt.

The words which, in the end, it was only Shane who allowed him to finally understand. Understand what he couldn’t before. Shane and his parents.

Ilya will lay this truth down with as much care as he can manage, even though he knows from experience it won't help. Not really. It doesn't matter how gently you slide in the knife, the wound will be the same.

He takes a breath, lets it out again. "Shane. Moy lyubimyy. Look at me. Just because they are family does not mean they will act as family should."

Shane's face twists. He turns his head away, refusing to meet Ilya's eyes.

Ilya sighs, heart sick and nauseous watching Shane like this. He doesn't know what to do. He only knows how to be on the other side of this. Not what to say now. Not when it is Shane who's trust is being broken, stretched out of shape as he tries to find a way to keep blaming himself. To try to claw back some feeling of control.

Ilya understands this part. Of course he does. Knows he has played this game himself too many times. Most days now he remembers there’s no winning like this. Trying to take all the hits will not work in the end. Will change nothing. Galina has explained the mechanics of this to him now. Several times over. The way blame turns inwards as control slips out of reach. The way it feels like its helping, at first, even as it breaks you.

But what good is any of that knowledge now in the face of the hurt in Shane's eyes? What good is that when, if not for Ilya, none of this would be happening?

"Shane, fuck. I am sorry. I am so sorry, sweetheart, I-"

Shane draws back as Ilya reaches for him. Stands and strides to the window rather than let Ilya pull him into his arms.

He's shaking slightly, Ilya can see. Shaking slightly and staring out the window, eyes hard.

"You, what?” Shane’s voice comes out rough, choked. “You think they won't come around? Is that it?"

Ilya doesn't answer.

"Tell me."

What can he say?

"Shane, is your team. I will not- I do not want to...is your choice, yes?"

"But you think they won't?"

Ilya fixes his gaze on the carpet and doesn't answer.

Shane lifts both hands, fisting them in his hair. His whole body is trembling now with whatever emotion he's holding back. Ilya wonders if its anger or something harder to bear. More raw. Is this how Svetlana felt? Watching Ilya run back to his family time and again?

Fuck, he doesn't know what to do here. He doesn't know what to fucking do.

Chapter End Notes

 

--

Shane - This team is my family.

Ilya *winces* - Yes, I know all about this kind of family.

--

I’ve always wondered about this parallel and what would have happened with a conversation like this, especially post Ilya being in therapy.

 

Anyway, say it with me folks, Fuck The Metros [ And Alexei and Grigori Rozanov, of course ]

 

Chapter 12: Everything

It’s been a week since the group chat argument, as Shane has been calling it in his head. Not out loud, because they haven’t really talked about it again. Not yet. Today Farah sent him through the new contract the Metros are offering him, now that he’s hit free agency. He’d half thought they wouldn’t send one.

Shane sits and stares at his laptop screen for half an hour before he hears Ilya’s key turn in the lock as he arrives home from walking Anya. Shane slams the laptop shut. Too hard probably, he worries he might have cracked the screen.

Ilya drops off Anya and goes straight back out. For groceries or something. Shane goes back to staring at the now closed laptop.

After another hour, he gets up, stretches and picks up his phone. Shane screenshots everything in the Metros Group chat from the last two weeks and sends it all to Farah.

All he writes in the body of the email is, ‘If the Metros were worried about these hitting the internet, what do you think we could get done?’

Ten minutes later, Farah calls him.

“Shane, hi. Sorry to call unannounced but this seemed better over the phone.”

Shane assumes that’s code for ‘lets not discuss possible threats in writing.’

“Hi Farah, no, that’s fine. Thanks for calling back so quickly, that helps actually. I think...I think, I just want to know my options, y’know?”

“Yes. Yes, of course. And can I say, firstly, I...well, fuck them, okay? Fuck them. I would be in your corner anyway, of course. Its my job. But for something like this...Sorry, I know that’s not as professional as I could be.” She chuckles then sighs. “I’m just a bit angry, you see.”

Shane hums. He knows the fucking feeling, yeah.

“Secondly,” she says, “with these screenshots, right now, with the internet the way it is...well, I think you could get pretty much what you ask for. They’re already running scared with all this online fallout.” Farah laughs. “Which they did not see coming because they can’t see past their old boys club ways. So this really came out of the blue for the management there. They’re shook. And several sponsors are talking of possibly pulling out already, just as things stand now.” Farah sighs again. “The Metros silence has been very loud, you know? People noticed. Everyone noticed, really. But if these screenshots leaked, well... It would be a total nightmare for them, yeah. Especially right now. A catastrophe, really, when they’re under the spotlight already. Under suspicion like this. So, what could you get...Well, what do you want? Trades for everyone indicated as bad actors by those screenshots? You could get that, certainly.”

Shane sighs. “Okay, okay, that’s good. That’s sort of what I thought, I just...”

“Wanted an outside assessment?”

“Yes. That.”

Shane hesitates then. This is the question that really matters and also the one where he’s least sure what answer he’ll get. He takes a breath. “And Theriault?”

There’s a moments silence. “Yes. Theriault too. I really think so. If we move now. Before the internet and the fans have cooled down. Strike while the irons hot and all that.”

“Okay. Okay, that’s really good to know. How soon is soon? Can I think about it for a day?”

“Yes, absolutely. The internet moves fast but this isn’t dying down for a while yet, I don’t think. A day or two won’t matter.”

“Okay, great, thank you Farah. Anything else I’ve missed?”

“Hmm, if you make a deal using this, you’ll probably have to agree to keep these screenshots out of the public eye as part of the bargain. But I’m guessing you already know that...The only other thing I can think is it might be worth asking Hayden or J.J. to also take screenshots? As long as you think you can trust them not to alert the team? It just wouldn’t hurt to have corroboration of authenticity from multiple sources, is all. For something like this.”

“Yeah, that makes sense. I can ask that of them, I’m pretty sure. Okay, great, thank you Farah. I’ll....I’ll email you when I’ve decided, I guess.”

“Okay, Shane. Thank you for trusting me with this. With leverage like this, we’ll get you what you need, okay? Whatever you decide.”

Shane hangs up and texts Hayden who replies immediately. After a lot of texts all at once about their teammates that would have filled Jackie’s swear jar all in one go, Hayden says that he’s already taken screenshots. Hayden adds that J.J.’s told him he’s also screenshotted everything. J.J. is sorry for how he’s been acting, apparently. Perhaps seeing the real colours of the side J.J. had almost ended up on has shaken him loose a little from his anger. Shane thanks Hayden and asks him not to do anything until Shane comes to a decision, plus to pass that message on to J.J. too.

He carefully places his phone down on the counter like it might shatter. Or possibly explode. Then he goes out for a run.

Shane slips on his headphones as he rounds out of Ilya’s driveway and picks up speed.

He runs, stretches, works out in Ilya’s home gym, stretches out again, showers.

Somehow it all still feels awful, just awful in some other new way. What the fuck is he supposed to do now?

It’s Shane who finds Ilya sitting on the couch this time. He’s not staring at his phone though. He’s just sat there, face slack, expression vacant.

Shane knows he isn’t always that good at reading Ilya. Better than he is with most people but still not as good as he wants to be. Ilya isn’t very good at telling Shane how he feels, either. Although he’s been getting better since boxing day. Since that fight. He really has. But this week has knocked them both so hard.

So, no, Shane isn’t certain what Ilya’s been feeling this week. But he’s pretty fucking sure. He’d bet the title deed to his house in Montreal that this week Ilya is feeling like the guilt will eat him alive. Which isn’t what Shane fucking wants at all.

He moves to sit down beside Ilya. Ilya startles, only now seeming to notice that Shane is home from the store. Ilya gives him a warm smile though. It doesn’t sit right on his features but clearly he wants it to. Wants to give something warm to his boyfriend who just came home to him.

Shane sighs and decides he needs to do this now, even if he hasn’t planned out what to say yet. It should be fine. Its not actually complicated, what he needs to say. It’s almost the opposite, really.

Shane takes a deep breath and decides to just say it. Except what comes out is, “I’ve been thinking. About, like, the closet, you know? How we were supposed to share it. That was the whole point but like this...This isn’t that, we’re not....”

Ilya’s eyes fill and his expression shutters, shutting down, shutting Shane out and the pain in. The way Ilya does when he’s scared, when he’s really hurting.

“No, no. Not like that.” Shane grabs for his hand, lands on his arm instead. “I’m not saying I didn’t want to come out. Fuck, that’s not what I meant.”

Ilya comes back to him again, expression unclenching, easing out. At least to a point. He looks more confused now than scared, though only just. Worried too and looking at Shane like he’s not making sense. Which he isn’t.

“Fuck. Sorry, Ilya. I’m saying this all wrong. I do want to come out. I mean, I did.” Ilya’s expression wrenches again into- “No, no. I did and I still do. I do, okay? I don’t regret that. Not at all.”

Ilya frowns but seems to start breathing again. “Okay, but...”

“No, hang on, sorry. What I mean is...that stupid article? About shared closet space? You remember it?”

Ilya scoffs. “Stupid listicle that made you do very brave crazy things like meeting all my friends? Yes, Shane, I think I remember it.”

“Shut up. I’m glad I did that.”

Ilya smiles then. A real smile, though he still looks braced for impact. “Yes, me too. Very much.”

“Okay, so what I mean is...the stupid article was about shared closet space. The actual closet. Not the, y’know,” he waves a hand.

“The gay one?” Ilya offers. “Because your actual closet is very not gay, Shane. Is just gym wear and then those boring blue shirts, yes?”

“Fuck off. I have the stuff Rose bought me as well, that's- Anyway, no, that's not the point." He takes a breath, "No, but...what I mean is...to share a closet, you have to live together. That’s what I was thinking yesterday, I realised. And we still wouldn’t be. Because I could fix the Metros, I think. Or, like, threaten them into fixing things by getting rid of Theriault and half the team, then work from there sort of... Now that the internet likes us so much, anyway. But then I’d be living in Montreal still and-”

“The city doesn’t hate you either, Shane. Is just stupid fucking Comeau and-”

“No, I know. I mean, I don’t want to be in Montreal though. That’s what I realised. What I was stuck on. I want to be here. With you. I want to live with you, Ilya.” He reaches out and takes both of Ilya’s hands in his. Squeezes once. “I love you. I want to live with you. All the time. I’m sick of the fucking...the fucking game schedules stealing all our time from us. Our time being sliced up like...living half of everything all the time, not even that. You moved here for me. People move for their boyfriends. I’m allowed to do that as well, y’know...So, um, I’ve decided. I’m signing with Ottawa. You can be Captain. I don’t mind and I know you’ve more than earned it. Then for lines, I know it could-”

“Shane. Shane.”

He stops talking.

Ilya blinks at him. “You want to come to Ottawa?”

He nods.

“You are sure? I do not-” Ilya’s hands are shaking. Shane squeezes them tighter. “I do not want you to make a choice now that later...that later maybe you regret if-”

“Hey, hey, no. I’m sure, okay?”

Ilya won’t look at him, eyes fixed on the coffee table.

“I’ve thought about it, Ilya, and I’m so fucking sure. More than anything. This is what I want. Ottawa. With you. To play on the same team together. I won’t regret it. I’d regret not doing it. I know that. But I won’t regret this. I won’t regret choosing us.”

Abruptly, Ilya stands up. He takes a few strides away from the couch then turns back, eyes wild and over bright. “Ottawa. Shane, you are moving to Ottawa? To me?”

“Yes.” Shane stands up too. “Yes, I am. Really.”

Then Ilya smiles. He puts his hands in his hair, gripping at his curls, his eyes shining and he smiles. “Really?”

Shane nods, takes a step closer. “Yes.”

“Oh. Oh. Okay.” His hands are shaking again where they’re fisted in his hair, Shane can see it.

Ilya blinks at him, still smiling. “I didn’t know I could feel like this,” Ilya says. “This happy.”

Shane’s throat burns. Oh. Oh, Ilya. Fuck.

Ilya beams at him, eyes swimming with tears. His expression cracks right down the middle and he falls onto Shane.

 Shane catches him. Catches him and draws him in, wraps his arms around Ilya and holds him as Ilya sobs quietly into the side of his neck.

He’s talking too. Sobbing and talking. Half muffled, half in Russian and still crying. Shane hears “thank you” and “I’m sorry” and “the Metros, I should have” and “I’m sorry, Shane, fuck, thank you, I don’t...I’m sorry” and “I love you.”

Hears “Shane, I love you” over and over again, in English and in Russian.

Shane pulls Ilya in as tight to his chest as he can and holds on. He holds on and buries his own blinding smile in Ilya’s ragged curls. Shane’s crying too, he can feel it, the tears tracking hot down his cheeks. The taste of salt is in his mouth now because he can’t stop fucking smiling. Because he’s done it. After all this time. All the mess and the fear and the confusion and the messing up and the heartbreak. The letting Ilya down even when it was the last thing he ever wanted to do. But now, he’s fucking done it. Shane’s done it. Done everything.

Shane has finally done right by Ilya Rozanov.

He feels fucking electric. The hurt is still there, he’s sure, for his team, his old life. It will return. Come crawling back in. But this. This. Getting to have a real life with Ilya. This is more than he ever imagined they could have. It’s what he fucking wants and he’s not letting it go.

This is something they can have. Shane can give them this. A full life together. Fucking finally. No more living sliced into pieces. Half lives and always half apart and half here and half hockey and half hour phone calls too late at night and half unpacked alone in another fucking empty hotel room and wanting and wanting and wanting. No. Now they can have everything. Have each other. All the time.

Ilya goes quiet against him, face still hidden against Shane’s shoulder.

“And, y’know,” Shane says, “we will probably win the Cup, too. That might be fun.”

Ilya laughs, wet and loud against his ear. “Hmm, yes. We are a little bit good at hockey so, yes, probably.”

Then Shane has to ask. Has to hear the answer in actual words because he is who he is. He coaxes Ilya away from his shoulder and up to meet his eyes.

“So that’s what you want too?” Shane asks. “You’re definitely fine with this? Me on the same team and...and moving in and everything?”

Ilya shoves at him then. Gestures at himself, Shane, the house around them, his movements fast and erratic. “Err, yes, Shane. Is what I fucking want. I am not fucking crying on you and being embarrassing fucking mess because I am so upset that you will be making your very disgusting smoothies every day in my fucking kitchen. Fuck.”

“Our kitchen,” Shane says and Ilya looks like he’s going to cry again.

“Yes, our kitchen,” Ilya says and kisses him.

Ilya kisses him and kisses him and kisses him. Grabs Shane’s face in his hands and kisses across his freckles and along his jaw.

Every kiss feels like another chant of yes, yes, yes.

Shane figures he’s got his answer then. Ilya is saying yes and Shane is moving to the Ottawa Centaurs.

“Maybe we should start by having sex in our kitchen,” he says, since Ilya is kissing down his neck now and across his collarbone and he can’t really think of anything else.

Ilya laughs and looks up at him. His eyes are glassy and he looks a little wild still so Shane steers them back onto the couch instead. He lays Ilya down on his- their couch, climbs on top of him and just holds him. Ilya grips Shane back like he might disappear, closes his eyes and breathes.

Once Ilya slips into sleep, goes slack beneath him, Shane shifts enough to wiggle his phone out of his pocket, careful not to disturb Ilya. His arm balanced carefully above Ilya’s shoulder, Shane sends Farah a simple confirmation text to the email he sent her yesterday. He puts his phone down on the armrest of the couch, presses a kiss to Ilya’s forehead and sighs.

If Hayden and J.J. want to make something of the Metros with the help of those screenshots, that will be up to them. Shane doesn’t have to shoulder that responsibility. He doesn’t have to be the role model. He can just get married and come home instead.

After an exhausted nap together on the couch and several glasses of water, they both seem almost back on an even keel. The world has shifted and realigned but they’ve both found their feet again, more or less. Enough for this evening, anyway.

“So, what?” Ilya rubs at his eyes, standing in the kitchen, still groggy from sleep and the cascade of emotions. “Tomorrow you will email Farah?”

“No, actually, I already did that yesterday. All I had to do today was text her a confirmation. Which I did when you were napping, so.” He shrugs. “Its done. Or it will be. Farah said it should be no trouble at all.”

Ilya goes still again, staring at him before a smile starts to overtake his face. The evening light from the kitchen windows spills in across the sharp profile of his jaw. The disarray of his curls and his fond, worn out expression. The disbelieving smile as he looks at Shane. Ilya is so fucking beautiful and Shane loves him so fucking much.

“You have done it already. Just like that?”

“Yeah, just like that, I guess. I mean, I still have to get a contract from Ottawa, sign it, all that, y’know? But yeah, basically just like that.”

Ilya shakes his head. “What has happened to you?”

Shane shrugs. “Well, I mean...you said a lot of stuff, the other day...and I’ve been thinking that, well, I’ve been thinking about how I keep carrying on with really stupid things that I hate because I’m trying to fit myself around hockey, rather than make hockey fit around me, you know? But then the internet happened and you’re always telling me that I’m Shane fucking Hollander and...”

He catches Ilya’s gaze, quirks a half smile. “And fucking fuck the Metros, right?” He shrugs again, a little self-conscious.

Ilya looks stunned. A few more tears leak free, catching on his blinding smile. “Shane.”

“What? About time, really, I guess? And fuck your fucking brother too, by the way. And your dad.”

Ilya laughs, the sound a little choked. “Yes. Is what my therapist says. Well, not quite like that but...”

Ilya laughs and Shane reaches for him. Grabs his hands. God, he’s so fucking beautiful. How is it Shane gets to keep this? Keep Ilya? He is going to make sure he always fucking deserves this. The privilege of all this trust and kindness. All the trust that Ilya never gave to anyone but somehow decided to gift to Shane, of all people. Shane will guard it with his fucking life.

Starting by cooking dinner together because they can. The fucking Metros can’t fucking take this from him. Shane won’t let them take this. Because they’re still here together, him and Ilya. After everything.

Because they’ve fucking made it.

Shane looks up and finds Ilya already watching him. Ilya’s eyes flash and heat spikes sudden and hot along Shane’s spine.

Well, maybe dinner doesn’t have to be the very first thing. He meets Ilya’s gaze, a smile spreading across his own face in answer to Ilya’s. “We can win the Cup together this time round. Fucking together.” Shane let’s his eyes drop to Ilya’s mouth. “Crowell will fucking hate it.”

Ilya growls, eyes hungry and crowds Shane back against the counter.

--

Harris: Hey Ilya, just wanted to check how you’re both doing? Give Shane a hug will you? I’m sure he’ll appreciate it more coming from you.

Harris: I’m so happy we get to have him on the team but the way things went with the Metros...Its just so awful, y’know?

Harris: I know you said he’s staying off his phone. Which, very wise for sure. But, well, I thought I’d send you these to show him, in case you think it might help?

Harris: [ Screenshots ]

Harris: It’s just some tweets by Metros fans. In case it might help Shane to see some more evidence of how much he really hasn’t lost the fans or the city, even after leaving the team. Obviously, it’s not everyone. The internet’s not a monolith. Plus, you’ll never reach the die-hard homophobes, regardless. But mostly people understand, y’know?

Ilya: Hi Harris

Ilya: Yes, is a good thought. Thank you for this.

Ilya: I will make sure he sees, yes. Although not today. Maybe soon though.

Ilya: And thank you Harris.

Ilya: For everything. We could not have done this without you. You have been amazing.

Harris: It’s been an honor to be part of this, really.

Harris: And I still don’t need you to buy me a mansion. Or a built in luxury dog spa, tempting as that is.

Harris: Don't thank me too much for this. I've been wanting to be a part of change in hockey a long time. I did this for queer teenage Harris who had a bedroom covered in NHL posters and thought he could never be welcome in a locker room anywhere.

Ilya: You are just as welcome as we are ❤️

Ilya: And you are welcome to check out my abs in the locker room any time Harris. I know it is hard to resist.

Harris: And there he is.

Harris: Just like clockwork.

Harris: 🙄❤️😂

Harris: We’ll see you tomorrow for the double date, eh?

Harris: I am looking forward to leaving my camera at home and filming absolutely nothing.

Harris: Troy says he is looking forward to playing mini-golf alongside you two and getting to look so very normal while watching you both try to kill each other with a miniature windmill in the background.

Ilya: Tell Troy to go fuck himself.

Ilya: I will win and Shane will cry in front of the stupid tiny windmills

Harris: Whatever you say, Ilya 😂

Ilya: We will be there ❤️ See you tomorrow, Harris

--

Screenshot 1:

[       @HollanderIsGOATed:

The Metros Organisation: Ok, so we can offer you homophobia, a complete inability to stand by you in times of need and no genuine institutional support. Ottawa just has a gay friendly organisation, puppies, your husband, family game night every week...Oh, hang on, wait, why are you clearing out your locker?       ]

Screenshot 2:

[         @MetrosThree-peat:

I am so fucking done with the Metros. What kind of team hangs their star player out to dry like that? He won us 3 fucking cups, man.

@HollanderStan2424:

Do the Metros not know how fucking queer and proud Montreal is? Like as a city? Generational fucking fumble honestly.       ]

Screenshot 3:

[        @MetrosMetrosMetros:

Really hate to say it but like, the Metros do not deserve to keep Hollander after this. Good on you for getting outta there, Hollzy. We don't fucking deserve you. Not right now.

@ThatsMyMetros retweeting @MetrosMetrosMetros:

Yeah, I personally do not have the financial resources to relocate to Ottawa otherwise I would be right there with you. But like, with you in fucking spirit, bro. The Metros don't fucking deserve you. This is on them.        ]

Chapter 13: Epilogue

Chapter Notes

“Where are my fucking skates? Fuck.” Shane glares around the empty locker room, eyebrows pinched. His face is flushed red and he sways as he turns. Even though he’s sitting down. Fuck, he’s so drunk. They’re so drunk. Both of them.

“Shane. Look at you, sweetheart. So pretty.” Ilya reaches out to touch Shane’s cheek. His freckles stand out more when he flushes like this. Ilya reaches. He needs to run his fingers over them. Over the lines of his cheekbones, so stark under the locker room lighting. Shane grabs his hand instead and tugs, impatient.

“Come on, Ilya. We need to get on- on the ice. On the ice already. We’re going skating, remember?”

“Yes. Yes, I know. So let’s go then.” Ilya smiles at him. Fuck. He’s so fucking beautiful.

Shane fucking Hollander. Shane Hollander is going drunk skating with him. Shane Hollander actually snuck into the rink with him. Shane with his freckles and his red cheeks and his scrunched up frown and his hair all sticking up a little bit sideways. Fuck. He’s so... Ilya needs to have his hands on him again. Needs to be touching him already. How does he always look so beautiful? Even under the awful flat locker room lights? Shane who is- Shane who is glaring at him, oh, hang on, what’s happening?

“I can’t fucking go. I need to find my skates, idiot.”

“Shane, no, no, look. You are wearing skates. On your feet.”

Shane looks down and sways again. “Oh. Okay, yeah. 's good.”

Ilya beams at him. “Okay, good, we go then.” He starts to stand but Shane pulls him back down.

“No, no. You need skates too.”

“I am wearing skates, Hollander. Let’s go.”

“No, no.” Shane points. “You’re not.”

Ilya looks down at his own feet. “Blyat.”

It’s two weeks now since they won the cup. Two weeks blurred with alcohol and parades and frantic, triumphant sex and so many fucking parties.

It hurt last year. Coming so close. Coming so close to the cup and not winning it had fucking hurt. Seeing how hard it hit Shane had been worse. There had just been so much fucking media. All last year. Endless fucking media and stupid fucking rude invasive questions from the reporters, every fucking time. Every chance they got. Crowell’s eyes always on them too. At least the internet had been on their side pretty much. The fans never bought into the throwing games narrative. The internet didn’t take the bait on Shane turning traitor to Montreal either, unlike a lot of players in the league. Thank fucking God for Harris.

This year though. The media was a bit better or the Centaurs finally got mean about who they banned from the press rooms. Shane started to really smile on the ice again. Ilya had felt so light he hadn’t been able to properly school his expression at the face off for weeks. A manic grin turned out to be just as unnerving though so he’d decided, fuck it, and gone with that instead. Much easier to pull off. It was what his face already wanted to do anyway, out on the ice with Shane grinning at him like that. With his fucking husband on his own team. Ilya out on the wing for the power play. Being centred by Shane. Life imitating hockey and all that.

After that, well, who was going to fucking stop them?

It was one straight run to the cup. They took the final in five games. Stanley cup champions. Again. But this time together. No more standing alone out on the ice in the aftermath as the adrenaline fades out and you try not to look for who isn’t there. None of that this time around. Just the two of them. Together, together, together.

Through the celebrations in the locker room and the tearful hugs with Yuna and David out on the ice. Through the parties and drinking and dancing and fucking and waking up hungover and rushing to interviews. Coming home to fuck again and going to even more interviews and more team parties and trying to remember to check in with the rookies as everything spun together in one bright rolling mass of celebrations and the sticky aftermath of champagne.

So many fucking parties.

Not that he doesn’t love it. Ilya has kissed Shane on three different dance floors in the last two weeks. Fuck, he loves his fucking life. Tonight, though, they have snuck away. Stumbled out of Bood’s party, stumbled into an Uber and ended up at the rink. It wasn’t even Ilya’s idea, the drunk skating. Shane said something about being more fun at parties than Svetlana, then the Uber was already pulling away again and Shane was betting Ilya he couldn’t climb in through that half cracked open window on the first floor. The one above Harris’s office.

“Okay, so, fuck. Where are my fucking skates then?”

“In your bag?”

“I don’t have bag, Hollander. We came from window, remember?”

“Oh. Ooh yeah. Practice skates.”

“What?”

But Shane is up and across the room, half pushing off the wall as he goes. “Stay,” he says, pointing back at Ilya. “Stay.”

Ilya blinks and Shane is in front of him, pushing his spare pair of practice skates into his hands.

Ah, okay, great. Skates. Now they need to go on his feet. That’s fine. He can do that. He knows where his feet are. That’s easy.

Shane glides out onto the ice. “This is fine, Ilya. S’not even hard. ‘s fine. See.” He turns around to face Ilya, grinning and his feet slide out from under him. “What? Why...it was fine. What? Did you push me?”

Ilya steps out onto the ice, arms spread for balance. Oh, okay. He drops his arms. This is fine, yeah. Not like he remembers. Totally fine, really. He skates over to stand beside Shane and grins down at him.

Shane tips his head back to look up at Ilya. “Did you push me over?”

“What? No. You fell.”

“Fell? What, no. I...” Shane frowns around at the ice, propped up on one elbow. He looks so fucking put out. Betrayed by his own ice. Shane fucking Hollander does not fall on the ice standing still. It’s so clear, the thought is written all across his face.

Ilya can’t help it, he starts to laugh. His shoulders are shaking, one hand raised to hide his smile. Then he is on his back, staring up at the rafters. Oh. Yeah. Forgot to balance. Shit. Oh well, he’s still in grabbing distance of Shane from down here. That’s what matters.

Ilya reaches out and hauls Shane to him by the hoodie. “You fell over. Shane Hollander fucking fell over. Standing still.”

“So did you.”

“What? No. Was laughing at you. Is different.”

Shane thwacks him across the chest for that. “No. You were standing still as well. Same, err....same whatever. Mechanism? Mechanics? Same thing.”

Ilya rolls over and scrabbles upright again. He reaches a hand down for Shane. “Come on, four time Stanley Cup champion. Up. Cannot just be lying about on ice all day.”

Shane takes his hand and gets back up on his skates. Ilya makes sure not to let go.

“Center ice,” Shane says, pointing. “Come on.”

Ilya grins, still holding his hand. “Okay.”

Ilya is skating and holding his husband’s hand. On the ice. Out on the actual ice. At their rink. He’s so fucking drunk. God, how is this his life?

They pass center ice and keep on. One foot and another. Gliding forwards together. They’re a little unsteady, maybe. It’s not so bad though, skating drunk, especially once they’re moving. It’s just balance and muscle memory. Yeah. Easy. They’ve got this.

Ilya sways out too far, distracted by the way Shane’s face looks as he smiles. Shane yanks him back upright and keeps skating. See, yeah, easy. They can do this. Their Stanley Cup fucking champions.

“Ilya.” Shane tugs at his hand, bringing them both to a stop. “Ilya, I love you.”

Shane turns to him with a blissed out expression, all the tension gone from his face. “I love you so much. We won. We won the fucking cup. Crowell had to hand you the cup and be all ‘this is so good for hockey’ and give it. It. The cup. Give us the cup.”

Ilya grins. “He hated it. I could see. Very bad poker face. He looked like.” Ilya tries to twist his face into an impression of Crowell’s repressed grimace, his barely concealed horror, so he can show Shane but he can’t get his mouth to co-operate. Can’t stop grinning thinking about Crowell and his stupid face. Ilya waves a hand. “Not this, not happy, but like, like... he was like little kid on Halloween, yes? Trying to look brave. He did not like it, us. And I talked to him too, yes? I said, ‘Crowell, yes, thaaank you. Thank you, you, Crowell, you are such a good ally.’” Ilya turns to meet Shane’s widening grin. “I think, oh, maybe he will be sick on my skates. He did not like it.”

“Good.” Shane throws his arms out and tries to take a bow.

Ilya hauls him back upright when he nearly tumbles forward onto his face then promptly falls over himself.

“Gospodi, Hollander.”

“What? You’re falling over, Ilya. Not me.”

“Hey, fuck. I was helping you.”

Shane just laughs.

“Fuck you then.”

“Hmm. Maybe in the showers...? After this?”

“Oh, you are one making sex joke now?”

Shane just hums, head tilted, looking down at him where he’s still sprawled out on the ice. “You should tell me I’m pretty again, I think. I’ll know what you mean this time.”

“What, Hollander? You think I do not mean it?”

“No, no. Not now,” he lets out a long sigh. “CCM.”

“What? Oh. Yes, that. Was so annoying. I make whole plan for you, Hollander, and then, what? You do not believe, yes?”

“Well, you made me all...I wasn’t good at...I don’t know. Thinking about you? Around you? Is the...” Shane trails off and just waves his hands at him.

“Is the what, Hollander? You just wave at all of me.”

“Yes. I think so. That...” Shane scrunches up his face. “That was the...the problem, yeah. All of you, I think.”

Ilya laughs. Fuck, how is any of this real? How is this his life? He gets back up on his feet. He needs to be standing up again. He needs to kiss his husband.

“God, you are so fucking beautiful.” Ilya can’t tell if he said that out loud, if it was in English or Russian, or if there just isn’t anything else in his head. Shane kisses him and he decides it doesn’t matter. He’s already where he needs to be.

“But like, I know it’s maybe not the same as last time...” Shane says out of nowhere. Ilya pulls them both to a halt.

“Shane, what? What are you talking about?”

“Last time. Before.” He waves one hand in a big circle. “2014. When you won the Cup last time. And...and all the parties. Boston...Boston stuff, yeah and- and Svetlana, right? You partied with Svetlana last time and it’s been so many parties this week and I know I’m not, not so...” Shane looks up then, looks right at him, face pinched. “Am I more fun than Svetlana? At parties? Probably not, right? Uhh.”

Ilya stares, dumbfounded. Okay, well, Shane has been to a lot of parties in the last two weeks. Maybe Ilya should’ve seen this one coming.  

He skates over and takes hold of both Shane’s shoulders, shakes him a little, meets his gaze.

“Are you more fun at parties than Svetlana? This is your question?”

Shane just stares back at him, nods.

Ilya sighs. “No.”

“What?”

“No. You are not more fun than Svetlana. No, Shane, you are very boring, yes? Just how I like you, okay?”

“Oh.” Shane shoves him with one arm, smiling down at the ice, cheeks flushing even further. He glances up again. “I’m better at drunk skating though?”

Ilya fights to hold a straight face. “You, four time Stanley cup winner, better at drunk skating than Svetlana at seventeen?”

Shane nods.

Ilya holds out one hand, palm down and tilts it side to side. “Uh, I do not know.” He gives a little shrug, mouth pulling sideways into a smirk. “Is hard to say, yes? She is very good skater, Svetlana.”

Shane tackles him. Pushing him to the ice and following down after. Falling over and landing right on top of him. Ilya beams up into the dark of the rafters high overhead and wraps his arms around Shane to keep him there.

“Hollander, we are drunk. Skating drunk. Us. Together. And you are texting other people. Why? What is this?”

Shane is a little ways off, head bent over his phone as he types.

“No, not people, just-”

Ilya skates past and snatches the phone out of his hand. Shane wobbles on his skates, taking long enough to rebalance for Ilya to get away and read over Shane’s texts.

[ Message thread - Svetlana Vetrova ]

Shane: Itss akl good now. Sveta! He saidd Iam not fun but boring.

Shane: Boring.

Shane: That means he i s flirtinng .

Ilya looks up, startled. “You are texting Sveta?”

Shane just shrugs and arrives at his side. Well, slams into his shoulder but not on purpose. God, is he getting more drunk? When did they both last drink something? Is it still building up? Uh, probably...

The phone buzzes in his hand.

Svetlana: AH, someone is still drunk from winning the cup I see.

Svetlana: You know, I caught Ilya watching your cottage documentary in 2015

Svetlana: And when I caught him, he said ‘Hollander is so boring I almost fell into a coma.’

“She has no loyalty,” Ilya mutters. In Russian. Probably. He’s starting to lose track a little. Okay, so, very drunk then.

Shane snatches the phone back and then he is in front of Ilya, looking delighted.

He sways a little. “Woah. I am so boring you nearly died. Because you love me so much. You told Svetlana. You love me the most. Since....since so long ago already.”

Okay, so, that’s embarrassing. Not drunk enough after all, if he can still feel things like embarrassed.

“You’re blushing.” Shane stands there and points at him. Right at his face.

“Ah, no, no I am not. I do not do this.”

 Ilya has a sudden vivid flashback to a certain locker room with Cliff Marlow. At least Shane doesn’t have fucking Marly’s phone number. Probably.

Shane crashes into him again but this time he wraps his arms around Ilya and holds on and Ilya is not going to complain about that. He’s not an idiot.

He pulls Shane closer to him, vows to keep him there. Puts his cheek, which, ok, maybe feels a little warm, against the side of Shane’s neck. Are they too drunk to have sex?

“I love you,” he says.

“Yes, I know.” Shane’s chest shakes a little against his. “Since....since, like, the whole time.” He does laugh, then. “‘So boring, Hollander.’”

Ilya huffs a laugh at that. Shane’s stupid impression of his accent. It sounds more insulting these days because Shane has gotten better at it.

What point is there in arguing this anyway? He pulls back to look at Shane’s face. Fuck, he’s so pretty. Every single time. God, Ilya is embarrassing.

“Yes. Of course the whole time. You already know this. Is why I watched your documentary too many times and thought it would be a good idea to make you stupid sandwich.”

Shane’s face crumples into a look of guilt. Oh, shit, that wasn’t why he said that. Oh fuck.

“No, no, Hollander, is not...I was very stupid in 2014, yes? Much worse, probably. Then you were stupid later. Is...is, like, balance. We are balanced, I think.” Then, because this is his husband and it never hurts to mention hockey, he adds, “like good skaters.”

“No, no.” Shane is frowning at him. “We are smart. The internet thinks we are very smart. They wrote all about it, remember? They are so impressed.” Shane tilts his head to the side, his voice taking on his ‘I am quoting’ lilt. “‘These two jocks managed to get from enemies to lovers, folks? Two jocks. Do you have any...idea....the emotional communication that must have required? From two hockey bros? I am so fucking impressed, honestly.’” Shane shakes him. “You remember?”

Ilya laughs, dropping his forehead to Shane’s shoulder. His face hurts from smiling so much. “Yes, Shane, but is because they do not know it took us seven years, okay?”

“Oh. Oh, yeah. That’s true. I forgot they don’t know that.”

Ilya straightens and nods, hands braced at Shane’s sides. He catches Shane’s gaze. “We can never tell them. The internet.”

“No. Never.” Then Shane frowns. “But should we check with Harris?”

God, this man. His Shane. His Shane is so very drunk.

“No, we definitely do not need to check this one with Harris. We just say nothing, yes?”

Shane slips forward in to his arms. “Yeah, nothing. They would laugh at us so much, uhh. They love us, though.”

Ilya grins. “Yes, yes they do.”

“And they hate Crowell.”

“Everybody hates Crowell.”

“Probably not Comeau," Shane says.

“No, true. Probably not. I saw picture. Last week. He is even uglier now. His nose did not set right, I think. After last time I broke it.”

“Good.”

Ilya hums and tilts Shane’s face so he can kiss him. “Yes, good.”

“See, we kiss and no falling over at all. Is why we are best in the league.” Ilya giggles and buries his face in the crook of Shane’s neck. He actually giggles. Fuck, what is wrong with him? Maybe Shane won’t notice though?

“Yes. ‘s right. We’re the best,” Shane slurs. “Everyone else is so so bad. Is just like...why move so slow already? Just go faster! Score more goals. Just like, like, ‘s not even hard. Just skate quick- quicker- more quickerly. ‘s so easy. They are so dumb. Uhh, Ilya. Why are they all so bad? And then I try to tell them to just... Just, uhh and nobody listens. Just, uhhhhh. Go faster. It’s just one skate forwards, then the other skate forwards, easy. Then you score. Why are they all so bad? So fucking annoying. ‘s so stupid.”

Ilya wraps his arms all the way around Shane and shakes with laughter. “Ah, sweetheart, I know. You spend whole life not saying, yes? Not saying these- these things. Is so hard. Poor Shane Hollander. He must be so nice allll the time, yes?” Ilya blows a raspberry. Then he bites Shane’s neck. It’s right there.

“Hey! Ouch.”

Ilya sighs and kisses it better. Presses his lips to Shane’s skin. “Mine.”

“No, Ilya, no. Don’t. Not now. I’m too drunk, Ilya. Too drunk for Russian. I- I don’t know what you are telling me.”

“What about me though? D’you think I’m not fucking-fucking drunk as well? Uhh, no, I still have to speak English. Fucking English. Only ever fucking English.”

Shane just frowns at him. Ah, still in Russian then. Also, that’s not true, not anymore. Shane is learning. He’s not even that bad anymore. Shane is learning Russian for him. For Ilya. Because apparently there’s no such thing as karma and so Ilya has been blessed anyway. Nobody bothered to check and now he has all this.

It’s more then he knows what to do with most days.

“No, no.” Shane grabs his arm, holds onto it. “Speak English. Ilya. I don’t know what you’re saying. I want to know. You have to speak- speak in English.”

Ilya grins. “Oh, very nice Shane Hollander is telling all the...all the immigrants we must speak English, yes?” Ilya turns and shouts the last part out towards the stands. “Speak English.”

“Hey, hey, no.” Shane is shaking him, pulling him out towards center ice. “You’ll get me cancelled, idiot. I...’s not even what I was saying, so. So. I didn’t say that.” Shane calls out in the same direction. “’s not what I meant. Said. I mean, ‘s not what I was saying, so...”

 Ilya shakes him in turn. “Shane, Shane. Is no one there.”

“Oh. Oh yeah. Good. That’s good. Just us.”

“Yes, just us. No crowds. No fans. No internet. No-nobody is watching now. Is just for us.”

Shane sighs. “Okay, okay. That’s- that’s nice.” He smiles. “You should kiss me.”

Ilya cups his cheek, runs a thumb along his jaw. “Okay,” he says and he does.

They end up back at center ice. Standing right over the dot. Holding hands. Ilya’s eyes burn suddenly, like he might cry. He can’t even bring himself to care.

Shane is smiling at him. Listing sideways a little then straightening again. Smiling at him. At Ilya. He looks so beautiful. Relaxed. Eyes soft. Nothing left to calculate or weigh or consider. Just the two of them and the ice.

“Let’s take photo. Here. Both of us.”

Shane does frown then. “But then everyone will see?”

“No, no. Not for the internet. Not for them. Just for us. For right now. You look very pretty.”

“Oh.” The frown slides off, smooths away. “Okay. For us. You look nice too.”

Ilya pulls Shane to him and raises his phone with his other hand. Angles and clicks a few times. Brings the phone down to look.

It’s a bit blurry, the photo. Ilya’s smile is embarrassingly wide. Shane has squished his face to the side of Ilya’s. His expression is left open in an easy smile, eyes scrunched. It’s perfect.

Ilya slips his phone back into his pocket and turns to Shane. His husband, still watching him. Still smiling at him. Here. Out alone together at the center of the rink.

“I fucking love you,” Ilya says.

Ah and it doesn’t matter if that came out in English or Russian. Shane will know what he means either way.

~~~~~

Chapter End Notes

 
Kevin jerks awake. Not that he should have been sleeping. Not on the job, but fucking sue him. His team won the fucking Stanley cup. Fucking Ottawa won the Cup, something he’d never thought he’d live to see. So he may have celebrated a little too hard, yeah. But there’s not a lot of glamourous moments in being a security guard and he’d gotten to be in the fucking parade so, what could you really expect?

But now an alarm is bleeping and something’s flashing. A shot of adrenaline fires down the back of his neck and he sits all the way up, flips frantic through the camera feeds and there, right there. He stares and then he starts to fucking laugh.

Okay, well, emergency over. That’s just Cap and Shane fucking Hollander, drunk off their asses. Do they know they don’t need to break into they’re own fucking rink? They’re fucking hometown heroes. The Mayor himself would probably come by in the middle of the night to open up the rink for them himself if they asked. These two, honestly.

Kevin sighs, shaking his head. He tips his chair back and grins at the ceiling. Then he flips to a camera feed of a empty back corridor and gives them their privacy. They’ve fucking earned it, after all.

--

Ilya Rozanov: 6^th base is holding hands with your husband at center ice.

--

Roger Crowell being faced with a victorious Shane and Ilya and having to hand over the Cup is really putting the phobia in homophobia, eh?

--

Alright, that’s it, people. The end. Thank you so so much to everyone who’s read this along with me as I’ve been writing it. Or if you’re arriving later after it’s all already out, equally, thank you for reading! This is the first WIP I’ve ever tried and by far the longest thing I’ve written (I’m very much a short story writer). But I’ve enjoyed it so fucking much and I’ve learned a LOT. So, yeah, its been amazing. Loved this process.

If anyone has particular lines or moments or themes that stuck out to them, from this Chapter or the fic in general, I would love to hear! ❤️ And thank you everyone for all the cool and lovely and interesting comments so far. I appreciate all of you very much ❤️

If you feel like checking out any of my other fics, you can find them here.
Lots of Shane and Ilya one shots/short stories if that sounds like something you might like to read.
Love you all, thank you for reading!