Influential

By: 409_conflict

The problem is, no one knows how to market Ilya Rozanov's (in his own words) sexy Euro masculinity to an audience of white straight men.

He needs the best. And if it happens to be his secret lover’s mother who despises his very existence, so be it.

+16319607169

See? That is what I need. Do not care that you are not professional. You are best
This is Ilya Rozanov

Yuna

This is a fucking joke, right?

Chapter 1
Chapter 2

Chapter 1

+16319607169: Hello Mrs Hollander; We have not before met, but I am NHL hockey player; Am having big problem with talent agency, and am wondering if you are taking new clients as brand marketing manager; (I hope this is right words, is what Google says); Would very much like to work with you
Yuna: Who is this? I can’t tell if this is spam or not.; Either way, I’m afraid I’m not a professional brand marketing manager, so I can’t help you.
+16319607169: Not spam. Sorry, my English is not amazing; I do not care if not professional. You signed Hollander to Reebok and Rolex before talent agency picked him up. You already better than my “professionals”
+Yuna: That was just to help get his career off the ground. Because I’m his mom. It’s not my specialty.; If you’re unhappy with your talent agency, I can recommend some to you, if you like? I did a lot of research when Shane was deciding who to sign with.
+16319607169: No no, I not want to do agency, I want to do Mrs Hollander; Sorry, that come out wrong. Did not mean to be impolite; Not that you are unattractive; Very attractive; Sorry. Again; I mean to say, have already tried couple talent agencies. They say brands I want do not want me. But I think I need manager who can explain more convincing narrative to brands. Make them understand endorsement would be genius idea. Think I need genius Mrs Hollander
+Yuna: Flattery will get you everywhere, but that’s still not going to happen.; Who is this?
+16319607169: “Flattery will get you everywhere” - I think I understand what this means, but not why you say it?
+Yuna: I said it because I know you’re lying to make me feel good so that I accept your offer.; Who is this?
+16319607169: No, is not lie. Unless is lie that you organized all of Hollander’s sponsorships in rookie year?
+Yuna: Not a lie. Who is this?
+16319607169: See? That is what I need. Do not care that you are not professional. You are best; This is Ilya Rozanov
+Yuna: This is a fucking joke, right?; Hayden? Is that you?
+16319607169: Ewww, no. Not Pike. Is Ilya. See?; [attachment.jpg]
+Yuna: Please don’t contact me again.
+Yuna: How did you get this number?
+16319607169: Do not think you will like answer
+Yuna: Tell me.
+16319607169: Asked Russian SVR to hack it for me; Joke! Is joke!; Sorry, hard to be funny without faces
+Yuna: Tell me how you got this number.
+16319607169: I will tell you after you sign me deal for Super Bowl ad

Rozanov: Did you tell Hollander I want his maman to work with me?; Was very aggressive tonight. Lot of boarding
+Yuna: Of course I told him.
Rozanov: Figured. Not like him to be such a bully; Will need new incisor
+Yuna: Good for him.
Rozanov: Yes, very good for him. Not so much good for me, you know how much dentist costs in stupid American system?
+Yuna: I’m sure you can afford it.
Rozanov: Could afford it easier if I have better brand management

+Yuna: Why is your tooth still chipped?
Rozanov: To make you feel guilty; Joke; Am hoping will get me out of stupid television ad
+Yuna: They’ll just fix it in post-production.
Rozanov: See? I am not even knowing what this word means. I need Mrs Hollander
+Yuna: You need Google.

Rozanov: All better; [attachment.jpg]
+Yuna: Did they make you shoot the ad?
Rozanov: Sadly, yes. Very grumpy Russian with bad tooth, still good for selling sunglasses
+Yuna: Ray-Bans?
Rozanov: I wish

Rozanov: Tell Hollander his backhand needs work
+Yuna: He’s not taking advice from his rivals.
Rozanov: Yes, I know this. I tell him this, but he says very rude word that I will not repeat to his maman; But is true; Isn’t it?
+Yuna: I’ll tell him.; For the record, I have told him that before.
Rozanov: Why you not coach?

+Yuna: Quiznos????
Rozanov: I KNOW; IS TERRIBLE
+Yuna: Who are you with again?
Rozanov: You mean, like, girlfriend?
+Yuna: No!; I mean your agency.
Rozanov: Ah. This makes more sense; Does not matter. I quit after Quiznos disaster; Am very fussy, like diva; If cannot have best, do not want anything
+Yuna: I am not the best.
Rozanov: Do not agree; Definitely the best Hollander
+Yuna: You’ll eat your words when Montreal wins the Stanley Cup.
Rozanov: Why would I eat words? Hate English; But see, this is why you best brand manager; Dreaming impossible dream

Rozanov: Question; Were you born in Canada?
+Yuna: Yes. Why?
Rozanov: Wanting to know if you had to learn English too; Wanting to know how long it takes to be good. Use tricky idioms like “eat your words”; But am asking wrong person; And born in wrong country
+Yuna: Your English is good. Idioms are hard.; Does Russian have idioms?
Rozanov: Yes, many many. But not same idioms as English
+Yuna: You often drop articles. I would say “But not the same idioms as English.”; Focus on that, not idioms.
Rozanov: Is this payback for backhand comment?; Wait; Is this a payback for the backhand comment?
+Yuna: No.; Maybe a little bit.
Rozanov: Is fair. I like to improve; Unlike Hollander’s backhand
+Yuna: You know what?; That’s fair too.
Rozanov: 🤣

+Yuna: Utilizing fiction to promote english language acquisition ↗️
Rozanov: Mrs Hollander; This document is 411 pages long; I read first three pages and my brain is crying; Dictionary app does not even have some of these words
+Yuna: Sorry, it’s written by an academic.; It basically says that reading fiction is very good for improving your English.
Rozanov: Oh, I see; This I can do; What is your favorite book?
+Yuna: Anne of Green Gables.; But any fiction is supposed to be good.
Rozanov: I will read this

Rozanov: Good thing you do not support home team in Ottawa, da?
+Yuna: Da.; You’re watching too?
Rozanov: Nothing so good for self-esteem as watching Centaurs forget how to hit puck
+Yuna: 😂

+Yuna: Ouch! That looked like it hurt.
Rozanov: You are watching Raiders too? Do you watch all games?
+Yuna: I love hockey. I watch as much as I can.
Rozanov: Very lucky Hollander to have winner of biggest hockey fan in world as maman
+Yuna: Does your mom not like hockey?
Rozanov: Mama like ice skating more. But she died, many years ago
+Yuna: I’m so sorry. I didn’t know.
Rozanov: It is okay
+Yuna: How's your shoulder today?
Rozanov: Is fine, but sling for three weeks. Am already bored; Much time with Anne of the Green Gables ahead
+Yuna: Oh, you’re going to read it?
Rozanov: Already begun. Marilla is bitch. But big Anne fan; Question; Why no definitive article?; Anne of Green Gables and not Anne of the Green Gables?
+Yuna: You don’t need articles for a location in English.
Rozanov: “On the street”?
+Yuna: Oh, only for proper locations, I think?; Do you have an English tutor?
Rozanov: No. Am looking to hire, is difficult; Part English tutor, part world’s best brand marketing manager

Rozanov: MATTHEW DIES?!; WHY YOU DO THIS TO ME?
+Yuna: I’m sorry!
Rozanov: Not sorry, you have planned this to distract Boston captain; Make Raiders lose; Will not happen; I see through your plans
+Yuna: Montreal doesn’t need to distract Boston in order to win.
Rozanov: I thought American books like American TV; Too happy; This is like Russian book. Happy/sad
+Yuna: It’s a Canadian book.; English books do happy/sad as well.
Rozanov: I make very big apology. Know it is rude to call Canadians American; What is your second favorite book?
+Yuna: Anna Karenina.
Rozanov: You want me to read Толстой in English?; This I cannot do

+Yuna: I just saw the tequila ad.; Who’s idea was that???
Rozanov: God, do not remind me; Shot in June, have erased it from my brain; Who is thinking about tequila at Christmas???
+Yuna: If you’re going to sign with an alcohol brand, it should at least be vodka.
Rozanov: This is what I say!; When you take job, I want Beluga endorsement
+Yuna: Smirnoff is the bigger brand in North America.
Rozanov: Smirnoff is bathwater; Quiznos of vodka
+Yuna: 😆

Rozanov: Merry Christmas! If I knew your address, I would have sent Hollander family case of tequila
+Yuna: I would give you my address for a case of Beluga.
Rozanov: You are hard negotiator. I like this, perfect for marketing manager job; What is address?; Mrs Hollander?; Mrs Hollander?; Address?
+Yuna: I was joking!
Rozanov: I was not. Address please

+Yuna: This is very good vodka.
Rozanov: Yes, I know, I have very good taste; In vodka and in hockey teams
+Yuna: 🤬

+Yuna: С Рождеством!
Rozanov: Mrs Hollander, you are scaring me; How do you know where I live?
+Yuna: I will tell you when you tell me how you got my cell number.
Rozanov: After Super Bowl ad then; Thank you very much for gift; Enough books for whole year
+Yuna: Unless you get injured again 🤞
Rozanov: If Hollander breaks my arm, I expect another delivery
+Yuna: Deal.

Rozanov: You are big hockey fan; Wait; You are a big hockey fan; With good taste; So you must also hate Millman, yes?
+Yuna: 😂; Yes.; Why?
Rozanov: Watch highlights when Montreal game finishes
+Yuna: Rozanov!!!
Rozanov: Was accident!; Mostly; But good kind of accident
+Yuna: Yes, good kind of accident.; “Happy accident” is the idiom.; He’s an asshole.; So are you, for the record.; But I don’t think Millman’s ever read Anne of Green Gables.
Rozanov: I don’t think Millman’s ever read

+Yuna: What the hell was that?; In the third period.; Sloppy, sloppy pass.
Rozanov: Ah, so you are watching my games too now?; Is fitting. Very professional to watch client’s games; And was not sloppy. Marleau was in wrong spot
+Yuna: Captain’s fault when the team doesn’t work together.
Rozanov: Yes coach 🫡

Rozanov: Should I send you Raiders jersey for game tonight?; You in Raiders, Mr Hollander in Voyageurs; One for each of your favorite players
+Yuna: Not happening.
Rozanov: ☹️; Okay, I score hat trick instead; Special gift for you
+Yuna: Special gift for me would be a Voyageurs shutout.; And another chipped tooth.
Rozanov: You are very mean to me; Is okay, I forgive my marketing manager; Once she signs me to big European fashion house

+Yuna: Would you actually want to sign with a luxury fashion brand?; Or was that another joke?
Rozanov: No joke; Have pitch for what kind of marketing image I should have; But everyone thinks does not fit
+Yuna: Let’s hear your pitch. I’m curious.
Rozanov: Am in Ottawa in three weeks; Buy you a coffee, tell you the pitch?
+Yuna: Okay.; But I’m not agreeing to anything else.; I’ll give you feedback, recommend agencies.; That’s all.
Rozanov: Yes coach

Rozanov: Want free tickets to watch us destroy Centaurs?
+Yuna: Yes please!; Not that I want to watch Boston win.; I’ll be cheering for the Centaurs.
Rozanov: Okay, break my heart; Like I will break Centaurs defense; Coffee Saturday morning? 11am?
+Yuna: Yes. There’s a café called Alley Cat near the arena.
Rozanov: Perfect, I see you there; I will wear black baseball cap; So you will recognize me; Since we have not met before
+Yuna: 🤣

+Yuna: I just want to summarize what you said, so I make sure I have it correct:; You want fashionable, arty, avant-garde.; A European flavor.; You’re more interested in prestige and glamor than the big American brands.; “The right people” instead of “the most people”.; Rather than going after brands hockey fans love, you want to increase interest in hockey by attracting people who’ve never heard of it.; “Who think it is just lite beer and pretzels”, I think is what you said.; Is that correct?
Rozanov: Perfect; 100/100; I do not know why you call yourself amateur, you are very professional
+Yuna: Nice try, don’t make me say no again.; Okay, I’ll think about it.; There’s definitely someone out there who’d be able to make this happen.
Rozanov: Yes, her name is Yuna
+Yuna: Rozanov, stop.
Rozanov: What??? You said I could call you Yuna
Rozanov: Did you like my present?
+Yuna: They were great seats, thank you!
Rozanov: No, hat trick!; Seats were easy, hat trick was hard; Well, no, that is a lie; Hat trick was a little harder than free seats I get every game
+Yuna: Your English is getting better.
Rozanov: 🥰

+Yuna: BOO YAH
Rozanov: This is mean; You are very mean; Would Anne of Green Gables be so mean
+Yuna: She would be when the Raiders are out of the playoffs.
Rozanov: ☹️; Do not even have stupid tequila sponsorship anymore to drown my sorrows

Rozanov: Tell Hollander to fracture a leg
+Yuna: I will!; The expression is “break a leg” not “fracture a leg”
Rozanov: I know this; I mean what I say

+Yuna: SUCK IT ROZANOV; MY BOY’S NUMBER ONE
Rozanov: Oh, did Montreal win?; Was not watching; Too busy reading Hunger Games
+Yuna: Liar liar pants on fire; You should be training for next season; When Shane’s gonna beat you again
Rozanov: Am training my English; Good for annoying him
+Yuna: How’re you finding the books? Easy or hard?
Rozanov: Piece of cake; Will need harder books next Christmas
+Yuna: So many idioms from you lately.; Do you know this one?; Boston Raiders have a snowball’s chance in hell of winning next year.
Rozanov: Hell will freeze over before Montreal wins cup again
+Yuna: 👏

+Yuna: Rozanov, are you there?; Not sure if you’re in Russia for the summer?; If you are, I don’t want to wake you.; But if you’re in America, can I call you?
+Yuna: Okay, I assume you’re in Russia.; I had an idea, and I want to get your opinion.; If you want to sign with a fashion house, you won’t be able to start shooting ads until next summer.; What if you signed with a brand that would do men’s fashion advertising with you next year.; But in the meantime, you make a big splash by carrying one of their luxury women’s handbags everywhere.; It would get loads of attention, build buzz before a campaign is released.; No one else does it in the NHL, you’d be setting yourself apart from the old narrative.; I don’t know much about fashion, but sweatpants, sneakers and an expensive purse sounds VERY avant-garde to me.; Is it too European for you? I know not every man would be okay with carrying around a handbag, but I think you might not care?; Let me know what you think!
Rozanov: Yuna I could kiss you; I LOVE IT!!!!; I am very big and strong, will beat up anyone stupid enough to make fun of sexy man with sexy purse; I would die for YSL
+Yuna: Don’t judge me, I had to Google what their menswear looks like.; I can see it!; I wonder if we could get them to make individual stick bags in that quilted leather?
Rozanov: YES YES YES; I have died and gone to heaven; Gucci also acceptable
+Yuna: If the match schedule works out, you could even walk the runway for fashion week?
Rozanov: Yuna; Please; I beg you; I pay you any amount of money; Please represent me; Come be big powerful boss woman
+Yuna: Let me think about it.
Rozanov: It would be so much fun; Flying to sexy Milan and Paris; Negotiating in sexy French with hot French lawyers
+Yuna: Rozanov I’m married!
Rozanov: No one is too married for men speaking French; Don’t you say Québécois is same; Not true
+Yuna: Let me think about it.
Rozanov: Finished thinking yet?
+Yuna: No!
Rozanov: Now?
+Yuna: I’ll contact you by the end of the week.
Rozanov: Hello it is past end of the week
+Yuna: It’s Sunday afternoon.
Rozanov: Not in Moscow.
+Yuna: I’ll be very clear, if you act like an asshole with big brands, I will walk away.; You can ruin your own reputation, you cannot ruin mine.
Rozanov: I give you my word of honor
+Yuna: Do you have a lawyer I can send a representation contract to?
Rozanov: You make me very happy man; No need for lawyer, I sign whatever you want
+Yuna: That is not a good business strategy.; And I will still be working with Shane’s brands, okay?; I don’t think there will be a lot of crossover.
Rozanov: You have told Hollander?
+Yuna: Of course. I wouldn’t do this without his permission.
Rozanov: Ah, pity. Was looking forward to breaking news to him during face off

Rozanov: Signed sealed delivered; I’M YOURS
+Yuna: Where did you even learn that?
Rozanov: Will tell you over bottle of very good champagne next time I visit Ottawa

+Yuna: I think YSL is going to happen.; I’m going to need a number soon.
Ilya Rozanov: 🥰; I told you you are best; I will do YSL for free plus one leather jacket
+Yuna: Jesus Christ.; Do not EVER say that on a contract call.
Ilya Rozanov: Yes coach

+Yuna: Do you have any preferences for what kind of bag you’d like?
Ilya Rozanov: Yes, I am waiting for this moment; Here is Pinterest board ↗️
+Yuna: Rozanov, there are sixty bags on here.
Ilya Rozanov: I take any or all of them; But Loulou is favorite
+Yuna: Got it.; Oooh. I like it. Jealous.
Ilya Rozanov: We will share custody, duh

Ilya Rozanov: Big day, Loulou’s first adventure; [attachment.jpg]
+Yuna: Perfect!!!; 😍; I’m so excited!; Are you? You don’t look very pleased.
Ilya Rozanov: Russians do not do this; Is more cool this way; But yes, very pleased
Ilya Rozanov: You are seeing internet, yes?
+Yuna: Yes!; YSL sent me a press and blog round up.; They’re ecstatic!
Ilya Rozanov: 🥂

Ilya Rozanov: Yuna; I thought you said these are books for American teenagers; Why are they all so sad??
+Yuna: Which book are you reading?
Ilya Rozanov: I give clue; BETH DIED
+Yuna: Oh noooo
Ilya Rozanov: I am strong scary Russian man; With fancy handbag; Crying in airport
+Yuna: 😆
Ilya Rozanov: Not funny!

+Yuna: Paris fashion week is out, unless you’re willing to skip at least three matches?
Ilya Rozanov: Never. I know you only say this as option to improve Voyageur chances
+Yuna: Damn. Worth a try.; You could do NYC fashion week?; It’s two days after the All-Star game.
Ilya Rozanov: Yes, this is perfect; Is Hollander going to fashion week?
+Yuna: I think that would be his worst nightmare.
Ilya Rozanov: I am not his worst nightmare?; Very offended

Ilya Rozanov: HOLLANDER FOR CALVIN KLEIN; YOU NOT TELL ME THIS INFORMATION
+Yuna: You didn’t need to know!
Ilya Rozanov: Yuna, please; Am I not your favorite client?; Besides, Hollander is too pretty pretty to carry off alone
+Yuna: Rozanov, be real.; You think I should have taken an offer away from my son and given it to you?
Ilya Rozanov: No, no; Misunderstanding; It should have been both of us in campaign; Favorite son and favorite client; Double win for Yuna
+Yuna: You would agree to that?; I could pitch it to CK for next year?
Ilya Rozanov: Yes!; I am not scared of being out-modelled by Hollander; Especially in underwear region 😉
+Yuna: Jesus, Rozanov.; Don’t make me block you.

+Yuna: Rozanov, this is too much.
Ilya Rozanov: Nyet. You need nice bracelets to match nice bags; Think of as favor to me; Embarrassing if manager looks underpaid; Merry Christmas!
+Yuna: Merry Christmas!; Fair warning, I think Shane might actually punch you next time you two play.
Ilya Rozanov: Annoying Hollander is best gift I could have asked for
+Yuna: Tell me that wasn’t your intention.
Ilya Rozanov: …; Okay, I not tell you

+Yuna: Buzzfeed: Ilya Rozanov’s 33 best man-bag looks, ranked! ↗️
Ilya Rozanov: Did you organize this?
+Yuna: No! Organic marketing.; It’s brilliant!
Ilya Rozanov: You are brilliant; Best Hollander, told you so

Ilya Rozanov: Should have put clause in contract; Make you wear Boston jersey during Montreal games
+Yuna: As if I would sign that.; Shane’s busy after the match, did you want to get dinner?
Ilya Rozanov: Ah, am very sorry; I also have plans; In Ottawa next week though?
+Yuna: 👍

+Yuna: ESPN is saying no concussion, just a deep cut.; Is that true? Are you alright?
Ilya Rozanov: Fine, no big problem; [attachment.jpg]
+Yuna: 🤣; I know I said you need to take one everywhere.; But I’m not sure the purse matches the hospital gown?
Ilya Rozanov: I know 😒; But only brought this one with me to Washington

+Yuna: Armani reached out.; Do you want me to keep pushing Calvin Klein, or concentrate on Armani?
Ilya Rozanov: CK with Hollander is first preference; Armani second
+Yuna: I thought you’d want the European brand more?
Ilya Rozanov: Two men in underwear is more European than one man in underwear, no?
+Yuna: Hahahaha, okay.

+Yuna: Bad news is: CK is out. Too much money to get both of you.; Good news is: Armani is in!
Ilya Rozanov: Did you tell CK I would do campaign for free?
+Yuna: STOP SAYING THAT!; I haven’t had much luck with Beluga yet.; But Bollinger is interested, if you are?
Ilya Rozanov: Bollinger like James Bond?; I would love being James Bond
+Yuna: You wouldn’t actually be James Bond.; Just the champagne he drinks.
Ilya Rozanov: Potato potahto
+Yuna: Where did you learn that??
Ilya Rozanov: YouTube rabbit hole
+Yuna: Where did you learn that?
Ilya Rozanov: Your son
+Yuna: Is this like a reverse “your mom” joke?
Ilya Rozanov: 😉

Ilya Rozanov: Well well well; How you say it?; BOO YAH
+Yuna: 🙄

+Yuna: Your agent just sent me a merchandising report.; Rozanov jersey sales are way up, and being shipped to lots of EU and East Asian countries.; Your strategy is working!
Ilya Rozanov: Just call me Mr International; Your strategy, that is working; Ads don’t start shooting until summer, this is my strategy
+Yuna: Speaking of, just wanting to make sure this isn’t too much.; You’ve got YSL, Armani, Bollinger, and Adidas all shooting in August.; Should be about three weeks altogether.; Dates aren’t nailed down, but I’m trying to get them as close together as possible.; They’ll all be in Europe, so not too long from Moscow.; Too much?
Ilya Rozanov: Is no problem at all. I am professional; Ilya “One Take” Rozanov
+Yuna: 😂
Ilya Rozanov: Will you be coming to shoots?; I can pay for trip if you like; You and Mr Hollander and baby Hollander, whole family welcome
+Yuna: I might come, but I don’t think you’ll get the boys on a plane for a Rozanov photo call.
Ilya Rozanov: Cowards

+Yuna: Hypothetically …; How devoted are you to your Lamborghini?
Ilya Rozanov: It is my child
+Yuna: Okay, so …
Ilya Rozanov: Does not matter we are not; I do not know word; Exchanging DNA?
+Yuna: Genetics?
Ilya Rozanov: Yes yes, perfect; Does not matter we are not genetically related; He is first born son
+Yuna: I only ask because Porsche reached out.; Should I tell them no?
Ilya Rozanov: Would I have to sell my baby?
+Yuna: Maybe? Exclusivity is standard, but we might be able to negotiate it out.
Ilya Rozanov: Yes, okay. Go ahead; I can get new first born son

+Yuna: Sorry you’re out of the playoffs.; It was a good game!
Ilya Rozanov: It is time for you to learn Russian phrases now; Врать, врать, да не завираться; Something like; Lie, lie, not too much; Do not let it be obvious you lie
+Yuna: Okay, it was not a good game.; But you played well.
Ilya Rozanov: And …
+Yuna: And I’m not sorry you’re out of the playoffs.

+Yuna: Hope you’re enjoying your summer so far!; Porsche invited us to meet with them next month, I was wondering if you’d like to join me?; It’s the week before your Bollinger shoot, so I can stay for that too.; Let me know and I’ll book a flight for you to Berlin too.
Ilya Rozanov: Yes yes yes; Is meeting on Autobahn?; Can I drive Porsche during?; No needing to book flight, already am in Berlin
+Yuna: Oh, I thought you were in Moscow?
Ilya Rozanov: No, I leave early
+Yuna: Everything okay?
Ilya Rozanov: Is fine; Some Russians think sexy man should not have sexy bags
+Yuna: What happened to beating them up?
Ilya Rozanov: Cannot beat up brother
+Yuna: Oh, Ilya 😕; I’m sorry.
Ilya Rozanov: No being sorry; Berlin love sexy man with sexy bags; Tell me when you flying, I meet at airport; With rental Lamborghini 😉

Ilya Rozanov: Yuna; Yuuuuuuuuna; Yuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuna
+Yuna: Sorry, was in the shower.; What’s up?
Ilya Rozanov: Have you heard of Berghain?
+Yuna: No, what’s that?
Ilya Rozanov: Berlin cultural institution; Bar and art and music; Very iconic; I think you will like it; I go with my friend a bit later; Come to dinner with us, then come for drink?
+Yuna: Okay! I’ll be down in 20.
Ilya Rozanov: 👍
Ilya Rozanov: I leave painkillers and fizzy drink outside your door

+Yuna: [attachment.jpg]; [attachment.jpg]; [attachment.jpg]; Early proofs for Bollinger!
Ilya Rozanov: I LOVE THIS ❤️; But why you not in photos?; Thought I insisted
+Yuna: 🙄

+Yuna: Montreal will flatten you next time!
+Yuna: You ready? Adidas is launching tomorrow!!; [attachment.jpg]; [attachment.jpg]
+Yuna: Look at you in Times Square 🤩; [attachment.jpg]
+Yuna: Ilya, is everything okay?; I’m worried about you.
Ilya Rozanov: No no; Do not want you to worry; Am being sad lately
+Yuna: Did something happen?; Is there anything I can do?
Ilya Rozanov: No no, but you are kind; Kind of like a break up
+Yuna: Oh, I’m sorry 😞; I didn’t realize you had a girlfriend.
Ilya Rozanov: Not quite girlfriend; But I very much like them; And now they do not talk to me anymore
+Yuna: That sucks, I’m sorry you’re sad.; But you know what?; If they see these Armani ads and don’t realize they’ve made a terrible mistake; Then they can go fuck themselves!; You’re too good for them!
Ilya Rozanov: Am still sad, but you make me laugh very very hard; So thank you

Ilya Rozanov: So have you met Rose Landry yet?
+Yuna: Not yet! Hopefully soon.; Want an autograph?
Ilya Rozanov: No

+Yuna: You’re getting in a lot of tilts lately.; Gotta protect that moneymaker!
Ilya Rozanov: Moneymaker?
+Yuna: Your face.
Ilya Rozanov: No shoots until next summer, no?; And they can always post-production
+Yuna: Just take care of yourself.

+Yuna: You’re not going to be alone for Christmas, are you?; You can always come visit, if you like.
Ilya Rozanov: This is very kind and also very funny; No, do not worry. Is not Russian Christmas anyway; But I have old friend who will visit for days off
+Yuna: Okay. Offer still stands if you change your mind!

+Yuna: Just saw the All-Stars news.; I know you can be very nice when you want to be.; Try to be nice to Shane, alright? As a favor to me?
Ilya Rozanov: Only for you, I do this; Also to crush Western Conference

Ilya Rozanov: May I ask mother tongue question?; Compatible: (of two things) able to exist or occur together without problems or conflict; If two people “not compatible”, this means they have problems with relationship, yes?
+Yuna: Yes. Is this your ex?
Ilya Rozanov: No. Different people; Does it have one of stupid English hidden meanings?; Like if woman not compatible with man, is she hinting she prefers woman?
+Yuna: Um, I don’t think so? But I don’t really know.; Never had that problem myself 😄
Ilya Rozanov: That is because everyone, man woman straight gay, in love with Yuna

+Yuna: OH MY GOD; OH MY GOD!!!; That was AMAZING; We need to get you and Shane on the same team!!!
Ilya Rozanov: Is too dangerous; All other teams get depression from too much losing; 💪
+Yuna: True!

+Yuna: Sweetheart, just heard the news. I’m so sorry.; Really hope you’re taking care of yourself.; I’m here if you need someone to talk to.; But don’t feel obliged to respond.; Just know you’re in my prayers ❤️
Ilya Rozanov: Thank you ❤️; Am coming home soon; Will I be seeing you in Montreal?
+Yuna: So soon? You know you can take more time off if you need it.; We won’t be in Montreal this time, but I’ll buy you dinner when you’re in Ottawa next.
Ilya Rozanov: Yes, is enough time. Crushing Voyageurs is good for happiness

Ilya Rozanov: Fuck, Yuna, I hope he is okay; I know why you not picking up; But I must tell you; If you not want to drive, Jamie can organize private plane; I already call him, authorize expense; You have his number, just message him if you want to fly; No trouble; Must go now, end of intermission
Ilya Rozanov: Tell me how he is when you have time; I will stop by tomorrow before flight if he is awake
Ilya Rozanov: Any news?
+Yuna: Sorry Ilya, it’s been hectic.; He’s going to be okay. Could have been much worse.; Thank you so much for offering the plane, that was incredibly generous.
Ilya Rozanov: Of course; I tell you, no trouble; At all; Very glad to hear he will be okay; You have place to sleep? Can get you hotel room
+Yuna: No, we just arrived at Shane’s apartment. Going to try and sleep for a few hours.
Ilya Rozanov: Sleep well ❤️

+Yuna: Do you have summer plans yet?; Would August be alright for another round of shoots?
Ilya Rozanov: Yes, this is good; Berghain again?
+Yuna: Fool me once, shame on you.; Fool me twice …
Ilya Rozanov: Fool you twice, lucky me we PARTY

+Yuna: I’ve had a few players contact me about brand representation.; Would you have a problem if I took on more clients next year?
Ilya Rozanov: So long as I am still your number one best client in the world; And you do not forget that Ilya Rozanov knew you were best marketing manager before anyone else; And you dedicate your memoir to me, not to Hollander
+Yuna: Yes, yes, and no.
Ilya Rozanov: Okay fine whatever

Ilya Rozanov: Tell me you cheer for Boston when Montreal not in playoffs; Yes?
+Yuna: Well …
Ilya Rozanov: You hurt me
+Yuna: I’m cheering for you.; Just not for Boston.
Ilya Rozanov: Good enough

+Yuna: Too bad Ilya!; Next year
Ilya Rozanov: Next year is meaning; You hope next year I win Stanley Cup, and not Hollander?
+Yuna: No, next year I hope you make it all the way through the playoffs until Montreal kicks your ass.
Ilya Rozanov: Now I am not giving you Porsche for Christmas; Who do you cheer for when number one client in world is out and Hollander is out?
+Yuna: I think the Admirals are going to win this year.
Ilya Rozanov: This is nightmare; Do not say this

+Yuna: Okay, I didn’t predict THAT.; But do I get points for my Admirals prediction?
Ilya Rozanov: No, no points for you; You are already too powerful; Please say you are not taking Hunter as new client
+Yuna: I wish!
Ilya Rozanov: I do not wish

+Yuna: Hey Ilya; I wanted to say, we spent all the time today making sure Shane was okay.; But I didn’t get a chance to ask you; Are you okay?
Ilya Rozanov: I am very happy; And a teeny little bit scared; But almost all happy
+Yuna: I’m really glad ❤️; Sorry we had to find out like that.; But I’m glad we found out!
Ilya Rozanov: ☺️; Me too; Shane is telling me to stop texting his maman; Can you tell him to shut up?
+Yuna: Why don’t you stop texting me, and we can talk about it when we come for dinner.
Ilya Rozanov: Fine, I will be brave one and tell him to shut up; One day, I will need you to explain why "lovers" is such a bad word for Shane; I look up definition, seems accurate
+Yuna: Hoping this doesn’t wake you.; I know Shane doesn’t want me to make contingency plans.
Ilya Rozanov: Contingency?
+Yuna: Like, what to do if there’s an emergency
Ilya Rozanov: I understand; … but?
+Yuna: Would it be okay with you if I do some research into citizenship options and/or claiming asylum?; I just feel like I would sleep better if we know exactly what we need to do if you ever get outed.
+Yuna: Ilya?
Ilya Rozanov: Sorry; You make me cry; But in nice, Canadian way; I even say sorry now
+Yuna: Now I’m laughing AND crying.
Ilya Rozanov: I would also sleep better if you have secret plans locked away somewhere
+Yuna: Leave it with me ❤️
+Yuna: I think I figured it out.; Did you steal my number from Shane’s phone?
Ilya Rozanov: He is such mama boy; Passcode is your birthday; 🙄

Chapter 2

Yuna Hollander (Mom): Here’s a sentence I never thought I’d write:; Shane, do you have any idea how Rozanov got my cell number?
David Hollander (Dad): ROZANOV?!
Yuna Hollander (Mom): Rozanov, I repeat, Rozanov.; This is not a drill.; Apparently he wants to hire me to do brand rep, but I don’t believe that for a second.

Yuna Hollander (Mom): Great job tonight honey!; Nice to see you so physical, that summer bulking is paying off 💪; Hope you’re not too sore tomorrow.
David Hollander (Dad): We’re watching the post-match interviews, looks like you broke Rozanov’s tooth.; Are we bad parents for celebrating dental injuries?; Your mom went to pour herself a whisky after she saw.
Yuna Hollander (Mom): And I’m about to pour myself another: Rozanov just texted again?!; He thinks you were all hyped up because he texted me 😆; I don’t even care if that’s true or not, I feel like I’ve done my patriotic duty tonight.
David Hollander (Dad): "patriotic" she says.; Her nationality is Montreal.
Yuna Hollander (Mom): We’re off to bed, enjoy the win and don’t stay up too late!

Lily: Unlucky me, broken tooth; Unlucky you, no cock sucking tonight; Will have to find another way to celebrate 😈

Lily: Why would I rush to fix tooth?; Are you in hurry for me to suck your cock?

Hayden Pike (LW): Rozanov’s tooth is STILL broken
J.J. Boiziau (D): Hollander sends his regards 🤜🦷
Patrice Drapeau (G): lol probably leaving it so he can draw blood next time he drops gloves
Georges Gagnon (D): what are the odds you can get rabies from a Rozanov bite?

Yuna Hollander (Mom): Rozanov just texted me to say your backhand needs work Shane 😂
David Hollander (Dad): Is third-party chirping even legal?
Yuna Hollander (Mom): He also said you called him a “very rude word” when he told you that himself.
David Hollander (Dad): That’s my boy!

Matty Wilson (RW): fking LOL tell me you’ve all seen Rozanov’s quiznos ad; this had better become a meme; youtube.com/watch?vv=Sf76as002
Patrice Drapeau (G): “more meat than anywhere else” 😆😆😆😆; if Rozanov could actually speak English, he’d realize how fucking faggy this line is
Petro Andropov (C): mmmm … toasty!

Yuna Hollander (Mom): Oh my God, I just saw this on TV.; youtube.com/watch?vv=Sf76as002; I actually feel kind of bad for Rozanov now, he DOES need better brand management.
David Hollander (Dad): Surely it’s psychological warfare?
Yuna Hollander (Mom): No one would agree to something this humiliating, even as a psy-op.; He said he quit his talent agency after this ad 😂
David Hollander (Dad): Exactly how often are you texting Rozanov these days?; Should I be preparing the divorce papers?
Yuna Hollander (Mom): 😘; Not yet my love.
David Hollander (Dad): Yet?!

David Hollander (Dad): Shane, is there any chance I could convince to transfer to Ottawa after you win your first cup?; It only seems fair that you win one for your mom and one for me.
Yuna Hollander (Mom): We have TALKED about this!; Don’t jinx it!!
David Hollander (Dad): How was that a jinx?
Yuna Hollander (Mom): “after you win”; No predictions! No assumptions!
David Hollander (Dad): Shane, I think you should know your darling mother is now refusing to look at me until I perform some kind of penance for this sin.; Is there a traditional absolution? Blood sacrifice? A vow of silence?; Okay, never mind. Rozanov just texted her again and now she’s forgotten she’s mad at me.; Maybe she could convince Rozanov to move to Ottawa and win a cup for me instead.
Yuna Hollander (Mom): 😆😆😆

J.J. Boiziau (D): anyone see that hit???; remind me to buy Whitland a beer next time we’re in St Louis
Hayden Pike (LW): looks like a shoulder dislocation to me; 🍻
Gilbert Comeau (LW): Whitland should sleep with one eye open; Rozanov’ll probably send the Russian mafia after him
Georges Gagnon (D): I always side eye dudes in Adidas tracksuits after I check Rozanov lol
Petro Andropov (C): You know not every Russian has bratva connections, yes?; This is just a stereotype; Like thinking Canadians ride a moose
Hayden Pike (LW): ok but I DO ride a moose
Petro Andropov (C): Fuck off; I’m not falling for that
Gilbert Comeau (LW): you mean; you’re not falling for that a second time

Yuna Hollander (Mom): Got some insider info for you:; Rozanov’s in a sling, out for at least three weeks.
David Hollander (Dad): Quick, someone alert the media!
Yuna Hollander (Mom): 🙄
David Hollander (Dad): Wait, hold on.; Did he tell you that?; Are you his doctor now?
Yuna Hollander (Mom): 🙄; No, I asked him how it was recovering.
David Hollander (Dad): ………; And we’re just going to pretend that’s totally normal?; Is that totally normal?; Am I the one who’s overreacting?; Because that’s not my usual role in this family.; Shane, anytime you want to back me up on this, that’d be great.

Lily: I am so bored on IR; Am reading book with character with many freckles; Next time I want to cum all over your freckles

Yuna Hollander (Mom): Got some more insider info for you Shane.
David Hollander (Dad): I think in some cultures you and Rozanov would be betrothed already.
Yuna Hollander (Mom): Shouldn’t you be working?
David Hollander (Dad): Shouldn’t you?!
Yuna Hollander (Mom): This counts as work.
David Hollander (Dad): I think that might be news to the federal government.
Yuna Hollander (Mom): Anyway.; Rozanov is all cut up about Matthew dying in Anne of Green Gables.; You could try using that to throw him off during a face off?
David Hollander (Dad): Yuna.; You can’t just say that without explaining.; Are you two in a book club together now?; Actually, now I say it out loud, that seems more logical than this pseudo-friendship texting situation.
Yuna Hollander (Mom): He’s trying to improve his English, and asked what my favorite book is.
David Hollander (Dad): My God.; Alrighty then.; Nothing to see here folks, moving right along.
Yuna Hollander (Mom): It’s not weird!; He was asking about how long it takes to master idioms, we were talking about improving his English.
David Hollander (Dad): A completely normal line of conversation between my wife and my son’s rival, to be sure.
Yuna Hollander (Mom): Hush.; And then I did a bit of research into the best ways to improve English fluency, because it’s not like he’s remedial.; There’s research indicating reading fiction is a great way to improve second language fluency.
David Hollander (Dad): I would like to invoke one Total Honesty question, if I may?
Yuna Hollander (Mom): I’ll allow it.
David Hollander (Dad): How long did you spend researching ways of improving English fluency?
Yuna Hollander (Mom): Only an hour.; Or two.
David Hollander (Dad): And you’re still pretending you’re not friends with him, right?
Yuna Hollander (Mom): We’re NOT friends.
David Hollander (Dad): Sure thing sweetheart.; What’s next on the Hollander-Rozanov book club list?; Perhaps I should get in on this.
Yuna Hollander (Mom): Well he asked what my second favorite book is.; But apparently it’s a faux pas to suggest reading Anna Karenina in English.
David Hollander (Dad): Another new chirping strategy here?; Maybe Shane could quote long passages of poorly translated Russian literature at him.; The refs aren’t going to know what hit them.

Hayden Pike (LW): hey dude; I thought you might appreciate a heads up; you’re getting a gag gift in the secret santa; so you might wanna prepare your game face; someone thought it’d be hilarious to get you that stupid tequila Rozanov’s been shilling everywhere this month

David Hollander (Dad): I think now I’m the one being manipulated.; I feel bad enough for Rozanov that I’m considering buying his tequila.
Yuna Hollander (Mom): Do you not remember Austin 1999?
David Hollander (Dad): No, I do.; It’s a vow of tequila celibacy I’ve upheld for 15 years.
Yuna Hollander (Mom): Well that’s dire.; Now I know what to get you for Christmas.
David Hollander (Dad): If you really loved me, you’d get Rozanov’s tequila ads off the air.

David Hollander (Dad): I’ve said it before and no doubt I’ll say it again.; I was wrong.; Yuna, please rep Rozanov!
Yuna Hollander (Mom): You’re such a sucker.
David Hollander (Dad): I’m a simple man, I can be bought.
Yuna Hollander (Mom): Am I the one who should be concerned about being divorced for Rozanov now?; If only I’d known all I had to do was buy you a case of Beluga 30 years ago …
David Hollander (Dad): Hey now.; I was the one chasing YOU!

Yuna Hollander (Mom): Hey Shane, I’ve got an idea …; How difficult would it be for you track down Rozanov’s home address?; Koch used to play for the Raiders, right?; Would he be able to ask an old teammate for you?
David Hollander (Dad): Would you like to maybe justify this level of crazy, sweetheart?
Yuna Hollander (Mom): Russian Orthodox Christmas isn’t for another nine days.
David Hollander (Dad): I think the jury’s going to need more mitigation than that to acquit you of the stalking charges.
Yuna Hollander (Mom): This doesn’t classify as stalking.
David Hollander (Dad): Sure.; Anyway, I’ll be happy to send you cigarettes and chocolate to use for bartering in prison.
Yuna Hollander (Mom): Well he sent us vodka, right?; We should send a gift in return.
David Hollander (Dad): Is this my life now?; Observing the rules of etiquette via aiding and abetting?
Yuna Hollander (Mom): And since he’s been reading to improve his English, I thought we could send him a stack of books.; Preferably ones that make him cry again 😈
David Hollander (Dad): That’s a low blow.; Even from you.
Yuna Hollander (Mom): What is THAT supposed to mean.
David Hollander (Dad): My darling; My love; Mother of my child; You once “accidentally” spilled coffee on another tenant’s application forms when we wanted the same apartment.; You organized a Speedos billboard opposite the rink of that horrible coach Shane had in juniors.; And now you’re proposing we repay the gift of a lot of very very nice vodka by sending a foreign young man sad literature in his second language.
Yuna Hollander (Mom): When you put it like that …
David Hollander (Dad): You should include that one that got made into a movie where Winona Ryder’s sister dies of scarlet fever.
Yuna Hollander (Mom): I love you ❤️

Patrice Drapeau (G): who’s ready to fuck some shit up!!!
Matty Wilson (RW): Hollzy, if we lose tonight; I’m gonna make you drink Rozanov’s tequila during media
Petro Andropov (C): LOL
Gilbert Comeau (LW): more meat than anywhere else boys; let’s show this cocksucker how it’s done in Montreal

Lily: Time for a bet?; If you win, I suck your dick; If I win, I suck your dick; And you tell your maman I say hello

Yuna Hollander (Mom): We’re here!; Don’t be afraid to remind Rozanov that you know he read Anne of Green Gables 💪

Yuna Hollander (Mom): I have an announcement, and I need you both to be super calm.
David Hollander (Dad): Wait, let me guess.; You want to move to Paraguay?; You’re dying your hair blonde?; You’re quitting your job to play drums in a feminist punk band?
Yuna Hollander (Mom): No, but that last one is putting ideas in my head.; I’m going to get coffee with Rozanov.; I find this intriguing, and I want to hear him out.; Just to get some ideas, and think about which agency would be a good fit for him.
David Hollander (Dad): I know this is something I should be shocked about.; But it’s kind of a let down after the punk band idea.; I was looking forward to being a groupie.

David Hollander (Dad): Shane, I think you deserve to know.; Your mother is smitten.
Yuna Hollander (Mom): I’m not SMITTEN!
David Hollander (Dad): She is.; Giggling to herself.; Gazing out the window.; Doodling I ❤️ Rozanov on the newspaper.
Yuna Hollander (Mom): You’re on thin ice with this slander.
David Hollander (Dad): I think next time I might need to chaperone these coffee dates.
Yuna Hollander (Mom): First of all, not a date.; Second of all, there won’t be a next time.; I heard his pitch. It was interesting. Now it’s done.

Georges Gagnon (D): twitter.com/hockeyrumours/3185345096; Yuna Hollander and Ilya Rozanov spotted sharing coffee in Ottawa
Patrice Drapeau (G): what the fuck??
J.J. Boiziau (D): ??????
Hayden Pike (LW): WHAT
Patrice Drapeau (G): is Rozanov tryna fuck your mom?

Lily: twitter.com/hockeyrumours/3185345096; Me and second hottest Hollander; Do not worry, I was just telling her how big your dick is

David Hollander (Dad): Yuna Hollander and husband spotted at Ottawa v. Boston game, hours after meeting Rozanov; twitter.com/hockeyrumours/3346932057; “And husband”; I’ve never been more proud

Yuna Hollander (Mom): Just passing along some “well wishes”.
David Hollander (Dad): Oh man. You never told me he was funny?; Now I’m actually concerned you’ll divorce me.
Yuna Hollander (Mom): Don’t be ridiculous darling, I could never be with someone who isn’t a Montreal fan.
David Hollander (Dad): I’m an Ottawa fan?
Yuna Hollander (Mom): No you’re not 🤫

Lily: Have a boring summer; Tell your maman I miss her 😉

Yuna Hollander (Mom): Heads up, I need a family chat this morning.; I’ll call you in 15 mins Shane.

Yuna Hollander (Mom): I slept on it, like you both said.; I think I actually want to do this.; I really enjoyed doing Shane’s brand rep in rookie year.; And maybe this would be a fun career pivot.; I can ask work for self-funded leave or LWOP for a few months, see if it works out.; But now I’ve thought about it, I want you two to sleep on it as well.; If it’s a problem for you, especially you Shane, I don’t have to go through with it.
David Hollander (Dad): I don’t need to sleep on it. I think you’re brilliant and you can do anything ❤️
Yuna Hollander (Mom): I appreciate that, and I love you ❤️; But that’s not the point of sleeping on it.

Yuna Hollander (Mom): Okay, I haven’t done one of these in a while.; I invoke the Total Honesty question!; Would either of you be uncomfortable if I signed on to do Rozanov’s brand management?
David Hollander (Dad): Hand on heart, swear to god, total honesty: it’d be a little weird, but not so weird I wouldn’t get over it.; And I’d be incredibly proud of you.; And I think you deserve a challenge, and I think you’d nail it.
Yuna Hollander (Mom): ❤️❤️❤️; Still not sure what I did to deserve you.; Shane?; It’s okay if it’s not okay with you.

David Hollander (Dad): I don’t think she’s ready to admit it.; But your mom’s having the time of her life organizing this brand stuff.; You know what she’s like.; Complaining about having to get up early for international calls.; But also bragging to anyone who’ll listen about having to get up early for international calls.; Thank you again for pretending this doesn’t make you uncomfortable.; (And don’t bother lying to me); You’re such a kind person, and I’m so proud of you.

David Hollander (Dad): 🍾🍾; Guess who signed a huge YSL deal today?; So proud of you!
Yuna Hollander (Mom): Thanks sweetheart ❤️; Heads up Shane: now the first deal is done, I imagine this’ll probably become public fairly soon.

Petro Andropov (C): allthingspuck.center/posts/rozanov_signs_talent_deal; Rozanov signs new talent management deal with … Yuna Hollander??; What the fuck; Cap is this real??
Hayden Pike (LW): surely that’s not accurate
J.J. Boiziau (D): there must be some kind of mistake; right?
Hayden Pike (LW): Shane’s mom? the most die hard montreal fan in existence?; this has gotta be fake

Lily: pinterest.com/pin/7342270; Tell me; Which bag do you think would look sexy on me?

Patrice Drapeau (G): twitter.com/hockeyrumours/2745800251; Ilya Rozanov steps out for first day of preseason wearing YSL purse; 🤢🤢; this guy is such a fuckin pansy
Gilbert Comeau (LW): oh I KNEW he was a fag
J.J. Boiziau (D): I dunno, I think it looks cool actually
Gilbert Comeau (LW): I swear to god Boiziau; if you start copying Rozanov; I’ll get coach to put you on waivers
Patrice Drapeau (G): gonna start eating at Quiznos too JJ?; more meat than anywhere else
J.J. Boiziau (D): 🙄; you guys know fuck all about style
Hayden Pike (LW): Shane, do you reckon your mom could get us any freebies from YSL?; I’d love to get something for Jacks
Georges Gagnon (D): hey wait wait wait; I forgot about Cap’s mom; maybe she’s doing this all intentionally; to ruin Rozanov's reputation
Gilbert Comeau (LW): smaaaaaaart; that’s actually genius
Patrice Drapeau (G): 4D chess shit; either that or she’s totally fucking us over

Lily: Your maman is sending me to NYC after All Stars; Maybe you should come too; Since you do not seem to know companies other than Under Armour make and sell clothing; I will give you tips; And the tip 😏

Yuna Hollander (Mom): I got a free ticket for NYC fashion week if you want to come?; Assuming you don’t, but I thought I’d check.; Definitely no obligation - I’ll take Michelle otherwise.; Just if you’re interested.

Lily: You are killing me; I am dead; Everyone will be thinking you have put padding in underwear for big photoshoot; But I know this is a lie; More than enough to choke me with

Yuna Hollander (Mom): Theoretically …; Would you consider doing a joint CK shoot with Rozanov next year?; DON’T KILL ME; YET; It’d get insane traction.; And I promise, he’s actually very nice and funny off the ice.; Once you get to know him a bit.; I actually think you might like him.

Lily: When your maman asks if you want joint underwear ad; Say yes; Do not be all boring; You do not need to panic; I will fuck you so much before the photos that it will be impossible for your dick to get hard again

David Hollander (Dad): Are you doing books for Rozanov again this Christmas?
Yuna Hollander (Mom): Trying to swindle yourself some more Beluga?
David Hollander (Dad): And I’m not even remotely ashamed.; I had a thought: Hemingway.; More mature than the stuff you bought last year, but simple prose.
Yuna Hollander (Mom): Oooooh that’s a great idea!
David Hollander (Dad): What about you Shane?; Any ideas?
David Hollander (Dad): For your Christmas present I mean.; Not Rozanov’s haha

Lily: Try not to be too jealous of your maman’s present; I have pretty present for you too; But I do not think you would like me sending a dildo with your name on it to your parents house; I am a nice person, no?; 😇

Lily: buzzfeed.com/style/rozanovs-best-manbag-looks; Tell me; Which is your favorite to jerk off to?

Matty Wilson (RW): buzzfeed.com/style/rozanovs-best-manbag-looks; Hollzy, this thing with your mom is so fucking weird; there should be a rule about this or something
Gilbert Comeau (LW): yeah, can’t you talk to her, man?
J.J. Boiziau (D): I’m sorry; have we forgotten the part where she’s a grown woman with her own career?
Gilbert Comeau (LW): it’s just fucking weird, all I’m saying

David Hollander (Dad): buzzfeed.com/style/rozanovs-best-manbag-looks; "Rozanov's been turning heads ever since he signed with YSL over the summer, an unexpectedly genius move from his manager, Yuna Hollander"; 🤩; Our very own genius!
Yuna Hollander (Mom): It’s great, isn’t it!; We didn’t even contact Buzzfeed, all organic marketing!
David Hollander (Dad): "a bizarrely odd pairing, no one quite understands how it happened"; This is funny though 😆

Lily: Packing for trip now; I have not forgotten your Christmas present; And you do not forget to wear CK underwear; I have been wanting to see them; Also I will tell your maman if you forget brand obligations

Yuna Hollander (Mom): David’s morning meeting got cancelled, so we’re going to stay the night tomorrow.
David Hollander (Dad): Don’t worry, we’re already booked into a hotel.; We know you need your space after a game.
Yuna Hollander (Mom): Did you want to get dinner after the game? Since we don’t have to rush back?
David Hollander (Dad): Only if you want to, of course.; I’ve heard great things about Provisions?

J.J. Boiziau (D): Who’s ready to tear Boston a new one???
Hayden Pike (LW): FUCK YES
Matty Wilson (RW): let’s fuck em up the ass!!
Gilbert Comeau (LW): Hollzy, does your mom cheer for you or Rozanov these days lol

Lily: I was very serious by the way; Bring it to All Stars; Or you will be in big trouble 👿

David Hollander (Dad): Did your mom tell you her back-up dinner date was Rozanov?; 😆; I think she might be trying to tell me something …
Yuna Hollander (Mom): 🙄; Just that I haven’t seen him in person since last season.; Which you already knew!
David Hollander (Dad): Not that you’re trying to trade me in for a hotter younger model?; Can’t say it doesn’t hurt.
Yuna Hollander (Mom): I’m very attached to my current model.
David Hollander (Dad): Also; You got stood up.; I was the only man left 😆
Yuna Hollander (Mom): It wasn’t being stood up!; He had plans.
David Hollander (Dad): It was a little bit like being stood up.
Yuna Hollander (Mom): Shane, please ignore your father.; But next time, we should all go to Provisions.; It was really good!
David Hollander (Dad): I’m assuming you’re including your boyfriend in that “all”?; I'll make a reservation for 4?

Lily: I fly straight from Ottawa to Nashville for All-Stars; Want me to bring anything from your parents house?

David Hollander (Dad): allthingspuck.center/posts/rozanov_signs_fresh_adidas_deal; Making moves!; Landing deals!; How’d you finally get them to close?
Yuna Hollander (Mom): I went over his current contract with a fine-toothed comb.; Turns out he only has a contractual obligation to wear Adidas on game days.; So I sent him out in head-to-toe Puma with a huge YSL Sac de Jour while he had a day off in LA.; May have told him to be seen out and about 😉
David Hollander (Dad): And they came crawling on their knees?
Yuna Hollander (Mom): More or less!
David Hollander (Dad): You terrify me.; In the best way ❤️

Yuna Hollander (Mom): I’m about to start talking to Bollinger about a deal for Rozanov.; I could contact Sportfive too, and see if we could broker a dual campaign?; If you’re interested?; Maybe something around the best of the best both celebrating with Bollinger?; Since you don’t have an alcohol brand.; And it’s high-end and classy, not beer or Smirnoff or whatever.; Just a thought, let me know.

Lily: Your maman is so strict; Won’t let me join you for CK 😠; But now I see where you get it from

Yuna Hollander (Mom): Sorry sweetie!; Great game though.
David Hollander (Dad): You’ll get him in the playoffs!; Rozanov’s texting your mom.; Gloating.; Too late for one more check?

Lily: Room 913; I wait twenty minutes; And then I start on my own; Hurry hurry before I finish …

Yuna Hollander (Mom): Bear in mind that what I’m about to say has a catch.; I’m considering a working trip to Germany and France over summer.
David Hollander (Dad): This catch sounds like it might be Rozanov-shaped.
Yuna Hollander (Mom): Correct, as always.; It’s for a meeting and one of his summer shoots.; Haven’t decided yet whether I’ll go.; But he told me to invite you both as well.; For a vacation. At his expense.
David Hollander (Dad): I like this kid more and more.; Is first class on the table?
Yuna Hollander (Mom): Now who’s divorcing who for Rozanov?; Anyway, just passing the option along.
David Hollander (Dad): Shane, I’m assuming this is going to be a “hell no” from you.; But would it be terrible for you if I went?; I need to protect my marriage from creative executives and Russian hockey players.

Hayden Pike (LW): BOSTON OUT; FUCK YEAH
Petro Andropov (C): I’ve never loved Washington so much as I do right now!!
Georges Gagnon (D): Washington Swashington; we’re going to fucking DESTROY them next week 💪
J.J. Boiziau (D): anyone celebrating tonight??; come out Cap!; no more seeing Rozanov for FOUR MONTHS; buy us a round!!

David Hollander (Dad): Your mom’s pretending she’s not upset.
Yuna Hollander (Mom): I’m NOT upset.
David Hollander (Dad): Very believable, honey.; I think she had her heart set on a Montreal v Boston conference final.
Yuna Hollander (Mom): It would’ve been good for Shane AND Rozanov’s brand prominence, that’s all.; I obviously want Montreal to win, and we’ve got better odds against Washington.
David Hollander (Dad): I’ll have to see if it’s too late to return the Rozanov jersey I had ordered for you …
Yuna Hollander (Mom): Don’t even joke about it.; That’s not funny.
David Hollander (Dad): It was only in case Montreal didn’t progress!
Yuna Hollander (Mom): DAVID FRANCIS HOLLANDER; WE HAVE TALKED ABOUT JINXES

Lily: I am so booooooooored; You should come to visit me with your maman; You owe me Christmas present, remember?; Could combine it with birthday present; Put on another show for me 😉

Yuna Hollander (Mom): Landed in Paris!
David Hollander (Dad): How was the business class experience?
Yuna Hollander (Mom): Divine!!!; Slept really well.; Just asked someone where the terminal shuttle is.; They looked like I’d spat in their face when they heard my accent 🙄
David Hollander (Dad): Perhaps you sound pretend to be German instead?
Yuna Hollander (Mom): That won’t last long in Germany.
Yuna Hollander (Mom): Okay, just about to board again.
David Hollander (Dad): Auf wiedersehen!
Yuna Hollander (Mom): 🛬 Berlin!
David Hollander (Dad): For some reason I’m picturing Rozanov in lederhosen.
Yuna Hollander (Mom): Hahaha no lederhosen, unfortunately.; Just Adidas and a Porsche.
David Hollander (Dad): That’s very disappointing.
Yuna Hollander (Mom): Sorry, I thought I’d call after my shower, but I’m starving.; Rozanov’s taking me out for dinner (?!)
David Hollander (Dad): And you’re still calling this a business trip, right?; Not a European summer rendezvous?
Yuna Hollander (Mom): He’s just being polite!

Lily: Your maman was telling me today about time baby Hollander lost four loose teeth in one game; I demand pictures

David Hollander (Dad): How’s your day going darling?
Yuna Hollander (Mom): Lovely! We went on a sightseeing walking tour today.; Brandenburg Gate, Tiergarten, Holocaust Memorial, Checkpoint Charlie.
David Hollander (Dad): Rozanov came with you?
Yuna Hollander (Mom): Yes, I told him he didn’t have to, but he insisted.; I actually think he might be a bit lonely.; Without sharing too much, his family situation sounds complicated.; Anyway, we had a good time.
David Hollander (Dad): Really glad to hear it 💕
Yuna Hollander (Mom): Just about to go out for dinner with him and one of his friends.; Then he suggested an art/music cultural venue afterwards.
David Hollander (Dad): Have fun!

Lily: Hollander; Did you know your maman was a wild girl at college?; She is telling me she did tequila shot one hour before her chemistry exam; Because she needed to “relax”

Yuna Hollander (Mom): Cultural venue was a lie.; He took me to a club.
David Hollander (Dad): 😆; This is a fantastic story.; Can I please leak this to the press?; How long did you stay?
Yuna Hollander (Mom): No, I’m still here.; There’s a little tiny bar in an alcove, less crazy than everywhere else.; Just split a bottle of wine.; May have agreed to vodka?
David Hollander (Dad): Who are you and what have you done with Yuna Hollander?
Yuna Hollander (Mom): Yuna Hollander’s having fun!; Don’t worry, I definitely won’t be embarrassing myself by dancing.

Lily: Before you hear lies from anyone else; I am telling you; Yuna asked ME for cigarettes; Not other way around

David Hollander (Dad): Get home safe honey?
Yuna Hollander (Mom): Nooo; Too much fun!!’!; Were dancing
David Hollander (Dad): Oh I would kill for photos of this.; Glad you’re having fun!; Stay safe!; Drink some water maybe?

Lily: You are missing out on crazy night; I told you; You should have come on trip too; We could be fucking while the sun comes up

Yuna Hollander (Mom): Almost home!; You know what’s great?; Kebabs!!!!!
David Hollander (Dad): That’s very true.; Is that what you’re eating?
Yuna Hollander (Mom): YES; ITS SO GOOD
David Hollander (Dad): Very jealous.; Sleep well darling.; Love you!
Yuna Hollander (Mom): 🫤🫤🫤

Hayden Pike (LW): allthingspuck.center/posts/rozanov_yuna_hollander_spotted_clubbing; just checking; is there another Yuna Hollander?

Georges Gagnon (D): allthingspuck.center/posts/rozanov_yuna_hollander_spotted_clubbing; Ilya Rozanov and Yuna Hollander Spotted at Berlin's Berghain; WHAT IS GOING ON
Gilbert Comeau (LW): this is really fucked up now
Matty Wilson (RW): wtf???
Patrice Drapeau (G): seriously Hollzy; can we talk about this now?; is Rozanov tryna fuck your mom?
J.J. Boiziau (D): don’t be fucking gross

J.J. Boiziau (D): but seriously dude; what the fuck

Jackie Pike: allthingspuck.center/posts/rozanov_yuna_hollander_spotted_clubbing; GET IT GIRL; Please tell your mom she’s my idol

Ian MacDougall (World Juniors 2008): Hey Shane, not sure if you still have this number?; It’s MacDougall, we played together in World Juniors 2008; Sorry to bother you, I’m just curious; (Also my mom won't stop texting me to ask you); Is this real?; allthingspuck.center/posts/rozanov_yuna_hollander_spotted_clubbing; Anyway, hope you’re doing well!

Yuna Hollander (Mom): Guess who just finalised with Porsche??
David Hollander (Dad): OUR SUPERSTAR!; 🤩; Does this mean we’re getting new cars?
Yuna Hollander (Mom): Sadly, no.
David Hollander (Dad): Does this mean Rozanov might buy you a Porsche for Christmas?
Yuna Hollander (Mom): I explicitly told him not to.
David Hollander (Dad): ☹️; When does he play in Ottawa next?; Maybe we should invite him around for dinner?
Yuna Hollander (Mom): So you can drop hints about how much "we" love Porsches?
David Hollander (Dad): I was going to be more subtle than that!; Maybe mention I was thinking of expanding the garage …; Or how I’m in the market for a car upgrade …
Yuna Hollander (Mom): Or just tell him flat-out you’re having a mid life crisis?
David Hollander (Dad): If you think that’ll work!; Hey, maybe he’ll take me clubbing too.

Lily: Do not waste day off in Boston with boring team 🥱; Come here instead; It will be much more exciting 😉
Lily: Hollander; You did not need to panic; It was nothing
Lily: At least tell me you made it back to hotel, yes?

Yuna Hollander (Mom): You alright Shane?; It looked like a bit of an off day.; Are you feeling unwell?; Make sure you see the doctor, okay?

Yuna Hollander (Mom): Are there any rumors in the locker room about Ilya?; He’s not responding to my messages.; Have you heard about anything going on with him?
David Hollander (Dad): Have you tried calling?
Yuna Hollander (Mom): Nevermind, he just responded.
David Hollander (Dad): Everything okay?
Yuna Hollander (Mom): Kind of. He’s got something going on, but it’s a bit personal.; I won’t share.; Sounds like he’s having a rough time though 😔

Petro Andropov (C): allthingspuck.center/posts/shane_hollander_rose_landry_spotted_dining_montreal; ROSE LANDRY; CAP; ROSE LANDRY
J.J. Boiziau (D): I take full credit for this!!
Patrice Drapeau (G): fuuuuuuuuuck; she is CRAZY hot
Matty Wilson (RW): how’d you pull that Hollzy??
Hayden Pike (LW): Jacks wants to know if she can join the WAG chat?
Georges Gagnon (D): ROSE LANDRY SEKFJHSDFWNKMFHFUYNB

Yuna Hollander (Mom): allthingspuck.center/posts/shane_hollander_rose_landry_spotted_dining_montreal; Sweetie, just checking if this is true?; If so, congrats!; If not, we should coordinate with Rose’s publicist.
David Hollander (Dad): At the risk of coming on too strong …; What’s her favorite meal?; Any dietary requirements?; Does she like champagne?; Oh, and; Can we have you two round for dinner?
Yuna Hollander (Mom): Ignore your father.; We’re just happy to see you happy!

Yuna Hollander (Mom): I need everyone not to freak out.
David Hollander (Dad): This always ends well …
Yuna Hollander (Mom): What’s that supposed to mean?; It HAS always ended well.
David Hollander (Dad): allthingspuck.center/posts/rozanov_yuna_hollander_spotted_clubbing
Yuna Hollander (Mom): That ended well!
David Hollander (Dad): You literally became a meme.
Yuna Hollander (Mom): That’s not a bad thing?; It was great for Ilya’s Q score.; Anyway.; I’m concerned about Ilya.
David Hollander (Dad): He’s certainly been getting a beat down on the ice.
Yuna Hollander (Mom): Yeah 😔; I’m going to invite him to Christmas.; His family seems … not great, and he’s been having some personal problems.; Not sure whether he’ll accept or not.; But you’re both going to be okay with it.; Because he’s my friend and I’m worried.
David Hollander (Dad): 🫡; Yes ma’am.; Is Rose coming too Shane?; Should I invite a friend as well?
Yuna Hollander (Mom): Anyone but Gary, I beg you.
David Hollander (Dad): Hey now.; If you can invite Rozanov, I can invite Gary.
Yuna Hollander (Mom): My darling.; Gary has never once had a conversation that is not about macroeconomics or golf.; If he’s coming, maybe I’ll go to Boston for Christmas …

Rose Landry: This is a reminder that I was 100% serious last night; We're best friends now and you'll never ever get rid of me; Like, one day you're gonna regret ever meeting me; Because I'm going to camp out in your living room and paint your nails and force feed you red wine; Capiche?

Yuna Hollander (Mom): Alright, we’re off the hook.; Ilya’s got a friend joining him for Christmas instead.
David Hollander (Dad): So that means …
Yuna Hollander (Mom): Don’t you DARE invite Gary

Yuna Hollander (Mom): Just saw the All Stars news!; Congrats, as always, sweetheart ❤️
David Hollander (Dad): Proud of you!; And the C this year!
Yuna Hollander (Mom): Try to be nice to Ilya? As a favor to me?; He’s really very sweet underneath it all.; It might even be fun to play together!

Matty Wilson (RW): I’ve got the popcorn; I’ve got the beer; I don’t know if this is gonna be a shitshow or amazing but I’m ready
J.J. Boiziau (D): it’s definitely gonna be one or the other; nothing in between
Patrice Drapeau (G): oh
Hayden Pike (LW): WOW
Petro Andropov (C): What the fuck
J.J. Boiziau (D): this is incredible
Matty Wilson (RW): has Rozanov played wing before???
J.J. Boiziau (D): the only guy who has stat recall like that is currently on the ice
Georges Gagnon (D): Google is telling me no; at least not in NHL
Gilbert Comeau (LW): they’re not even LOOKING at each other when they pass wtf
Matty Wilson (RW)
Hayden Pike (LW): oh fuck off man
J.J. Boiziau (D): oh FUCK; THAT GOAL; BEAUTY
Petro Andropov (C): THAT GOAL
Patrice Drapeau (G): GOAL
Matty Wilson (RW): KJANADFKJNSDFNNKSDHS
J.J. Boiziau (D): I think I just jizzed my pants
Georges Gagnon (D): bro at least wait for the slo mo replay
Gilbert Comeau (LW): lol you’re so gay for Rozanov JJ
J.J. Boiziau (D): nah nah; see that celly?; Rozanov’s gay for Cap

Yuna Hollander (Mom): Break a leg!
David Hollander (Dad): Or, as Rozanov would say:; Fracture a leg!
Yuna Hollander (Mom): OH MY GOD; OH MY GOD
David Hollander (Dad): I feel like I should narrate this for you.; Your mother is pacing around the couch.; I don’t think she’s blinked for your entire shift.; Honestly, I think she looks happier now than the day you were born.; And there were a LOT of drugs on board that day.
Yuna Hollander (Mom): That’s an exaggeration.; But OH MY GOD; WE NEED TO GET YOU TWO ON THE SAME TEAM!
David Hollander (Dad): Oh wow.; WOW; That goal was beautiful!; If you two ever play on the same team, I’ll have to buy Mom a fainting couch.

Yuna Hollander (Mom): I’ve been tossing around an idea in my head.; Would appreciate both of your thoughts.; What if I maybe did brand management full time?
David Hollander (Dad): Yes; Yes yes yes; I’ve been telling you for a year!
Yuna Hollander (Mom): I’d have to sign more clients, obviously.; But I enjoy it more than my “real” job.; The hours are more flexible, which is good.
David Hollander (Dad): Yes yes yes yes yes; Yes
Yuna Hollander (Mom): Sounds like a yes from you David?
David Hollander (Dad): What gave you that impression?
Yuna Hollander (Mom): Would that cause any problems for you Shane?; I imagine it might actually make things easier, if I’m representing multiple clients and not JUST Ilya.; But you tell me?

Lily: What is taking so long?; Did you tell Uber to drive as slow as you skate?; Hurry up, I need that ass in my face 🍑

Yuna Hollander (Mom): Say hi to Ilya from me!; Then beat his ass 💪

Petro Andropov (C): Just checking Hollzy; You remember that, for this game:; PIKE is your wing, ROZANOV is your opponent; Got that?
Matty Wilson (RW)
Hayden Pike (LW): man fuck you
Patrice Drapeau (G): Pike = good; Rozanov = cocksucker; even simpler

Lily: I cannot believe; All these years; Yuna has never told me about your glasses; YOU have never told me about your glasses; What other secrets do you hide; Are you Superman?; 🤓; I will tell your maman you were squinting during face off; She will take you to optometrist; Maybe you will need glasses all the time 🤤

Yuna Hollander (Mom): Boston just released a statement about Ilya’s absence.; His dad died 😔
David Hollander (Dad): Oh, poor kid 😞
Yuna Hollander (Mom): I’m going to have some flowers delivered to his house for when he gets back.; Do you two want your names on the card as well?
David Hollander (Dad): Yes, of course.; Thanks for asking ❤️

Lily: Are you okay?; Fuck
Lily: Fucking answer me; Please
Lily: Whoever has Shane’s phone; Please, I need to know if he is okay
Lily: Shane?; Mrs Hollander? Mr Hollander?; Please tell me
Lily: Shane?; Are you awake?

Georges Gagnon (D): you awake yet Cap?
Petro Andropov (C): He’s probably got concussion; No phone
Hayden Pike (LW): Shane’s mom said she’d call me when they get to the hospital; I’ll let you know what she says
Patrice Drapeau (G): thanks Pike
Hayden Pike (LW): he’s okay; busted collarbone and concussion; but okay
Gilbert Comeau (LW): fuck fuck fuck fuck; there goes our playoffs
J.J. Boiziau (D): Jesus Christ dude; fuckin priorities
Hayden Pike (LW): go fuck yourself Comeau
Matty Wilson (RW): he’s not wrong though
Hayden Pike (LW): of course he’s not; but go fuck yourself anyway
J.J. Boiziau (D): if I see any Raiders out celebrating tonight …
Georges Gagnon (D): 😡😡😡
Hayden Pike (LW): if anyone sees them at a bar …; I’m willing to post bail and commit perjury for anyone who decks Marleau; or Rozanov
Patrice Drapeau (G): you’re on

Lily: Tell your maman she should join me in Berlin again this summer; You come too; Have you ever seen Yuna dancing to techno at 4am?; I promise, it is worth the flight

Gilbert Comeau (LW): well that sucked
Hayden Pike (LW): next year boys!
Patrice Drapeau (G): praying New York will finish what JJ started on Rozanov’s ribs 🙏
J.J. Boiziau (D): 🤞
Matty Wilson (RW): hey Hollzy, does your mom cheer for Rozanov now you’re out?
Patrice Drapeau (G): man, that’s so fucked up; I can’t believe she still works for him
Georges Gagnon (D): heard a rumour that some other players are trying to get her to sign with them too; Boodram from Ottawa for one
Matty Wilson (RW): fucking Ottawa?
Petro Andropov (C): LOL
Gilbert Comeau (LW): I mean, it makes sense; she lives there; but Christ; what a comedown, from Rozanov to Boodram 😂

J.J. Boiziau (D): is your mom really taking on other players?; would it be weird if I contacted her?; surely I’d be less of a fucking head case than Rozanov

Lily: AC8045; Arrives 10:55, July 3; You do not need to pick me up; I can hire a car; Is no trouble

Yuna Hollander (Mom): I know we said it a lot today.; But I want you to have it in writing, so you can look at this whenever you feel anxious:; You’re allowed to have secrets.; You’re allowed to have a private life.; We’re not upset in the slightest.; I’m sorry for all the ways I’ve made this more difficult for you.; We love you.; We love Ilya.; And we’re so so so proud of you my darling.

Yuna Hollander (Mom): I had a thought Ilya.; What if, instead of chicken and salad, we did kebabs?; Try to recreate the doner we had in Berlin.
David Hollander (Dad): I can’t believe you added Ilya with absolutely no fanfare?; Welcome to the family chat Ilya!!!; 🎉🎉🎉
Yuna Hollander (Mom): Whoops; Welcome Ilya!!; All my favorite people in the same place ❤️
Lily: Yuna, you have already made me cry this morning; Once is enough, yes?; And YES to kebabs!; Shane is in the shower; So let us agree on this before he checks his phone
David Hollander (Dad): Deal 🤝
Yuna Hollander (Mom): Agreed!
David Hollander (Dad): Do you like rhubarb Ilya?; Strawberry rhubarb pie for dessert?
Lily: Okay, I must rearrange my rankings of favourite Hollanders; You are shooting up the charts David
Yuna Hollander (Mom): You’re shameless David.
David Hollander (Dad): Well the other Hollanders had a head start!; I need some short cuts.
Shane Hollander: Shit I need to lift my game.
Lily: Yes, poor effort Shane; Good thing you are my favorite anyway
Shane Hollander: ❤️
Yuna Hollander (Mom): ❤️
David Hollander (Dad): ❤️
Lily: But you should probably start baking pies for me Shane; Just in case

Influential

+16319607169

Yuna

Contents

Chapter 1

+16319607169

11 Oct 2014 at 11:29

11 Oct 2014 at 14:13

Rozanov

14 Oct 2014 at 23:42

Rozanov

20 Oct 2014 at 23:04

Rozanov

24 Oct 2014 at 10:06

Rozanov

27 Oct 2014 at 21:42

Rozanov

10 Nov 2014 at 18:37

Rozanov

12 Nov 2014 at 08:12

Rozanov

14 Nov 2014 at 13:56

Rozanov

18 Nov 2014 at 23:02

Rozanov

20 Nov 2014 at 22:18

21 Nov 2014 at 09:15

Rozanov

27 Nov 2014 at 07:34

Rozanov

3 Dec 2014 at 19:26

Rozanov

25 Dec 2014 at 10:44

Rozanov

28 Dec 2014 at 21:02

Rozanov

7 Jan 2015 at 13:02

Rozanov

4 Feb 2015 at 21:28

Rozanov

26 Feb 2015 at 22:55

Rozanov

16 Mar 2015 at 08:12

Rozanov

18 Mar 2015 at 10:56

Rozanov

9 Apr 2015 at 14:24

Rozanov

11 Apr 2015 at 12:15

11 Apr 2015 at 23:46

Rozanov

24 May 2015 at 23:29

Rozanov

6 June 2015 at 17:31

Rozanov

15 June 2015 at 22:43

Rozanov

22 Jun 2015 at 18:55

22 Jun 2015 at 19:26

22 Jun 2015 at 23:02

23 Jun 2015 at 00:55

23 Jun 2015 at 06:31

24 Jun 2015 at 07:00

28 Jun 2015 at 16:02

29 Jun 2015 at 11:35

Rozanov

30 Jun 2015 at 12:17

Ilya Rozanov

14 Aug 2015 at 10:52

Ilya Rozanov

24 Aug 2015 at 09:28

Ilya Rozanov

12 Sep 2015 at 10:57

14 Sep 2015 at 18:38

Ilya Rozanov

17 Oct 2015 at 10:23

Ilya Rozanov

16 Nov 2015 at 08:44

Ilya Rozanov

12 Dec 2015 at 11:15