Rating:

Teen And Up Audiences

Archive Warning:

No Archive Warnings Apply

Categories:

Gen, M/M

Fandom:

Heated Rivalry (TV)

Relationships:

Shane Hollander/Ilya Rozanov, Cliff Marlow | Cliff Marleau & Ilya Rozanov, Boston Bears | Boston Raiders Team Ensemble & Ilya Rozanov

Characters:

Cliff Marlow | Cliff Marleau, Victor St. Simon, Boston Bears | Boston Raiders Team Ensemble (Game Changers), Coach LeClaire (Game Changers), Ilya Rozanov, Carter Vaughn, Scott Hunter (Game Changers)

Additional Tags:

Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, The Boston Bears Are Good Bros, Outing, (Of Ilya's Sexuality Not His Relationship With Shane), The Winter Olympics In Sochi Go Differently, POV Outsider, Texting Fic, Fluff and Angst, Humor, Good Friend Cliff Marlow | Cliff Marleau, Protective Bears, Having a focused conversation in a group chat challenge level: impossible, No cheating, Mixed Media, They Confused But They Got The Spirit, The Teammates To I'd-Marry-Him-For-Visa-Reasons-No-Questions-Asked Ride-or-Die Allies Speedrun Ilya Deserves, Scott Hunter Is Petty AF And We Love That For Him, Some People May Not Hate Crowell Intuitively But That Couldn't Be Me, The Canada Goose Is Ilya's Spirit Animal, Yes This Is Of Vital Importance To The Plot And No I Will Not Be Answering Any Questions

Language:

English

Series:

Part 1 of maximal confusion, some believability

Collections:

🏒Heated on Ice🏒, HR, Brilliance. Nay- Genius., In this glass house we are free, All the faves, My heart is full, Read & Loved Heated Rivalry Fics, Read & Loved Media Fics, To remember and cherish 2026, heated rivalry for the soul, Russia's Anti-Queer Laws Endanger Ilya Rozanov

Stats:

Published: 2026-02-25 Completed: 2026-04-15 Words: 30,693 Chapters: 4/4

Cliff's Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Week (Is Probably Going Better Than Ilya's)

Summary

It figures that even half-way across the world Ilya's dick manages to ruin Cliff's day. The real surprise is that it isn't the only dick involved in this mess.

Featuring an ill-timed outing, a supportive but clueless team trying its best, panicking over Russia's LGBTQ laws, too many group chats, an unhinged 3am brainstorming session on how to get your captain a new citizenship (asking for a friend) and Roz' inability to answer his fucking phone.

Or: Ilya disappears in Sochi. Half-way across the world his team does its best to help. Their best is more than anyone could have foreseen.

Notes

Important: Please make sure to enable the creator's style, otherwise the chats might not be readable.

This story is essentially a love letter to the Ilya-gets-outed-in-Sochi trope. While I am not really a fan of outings as a plot device (ironic, I know) I read some really great fics with that plot (if you haven't stumbled across any, let me know, I'm happy to recommend my faves) and the idea of trying my hands at an Outsider POV version refused to leave me alone. I hope you enjoy the result.

Please note that this is my first time using a work skin to integrate a messenger into my fics. I hope it works and that it is readable. If not let me know - I'm open to uploading a second version without the chats.
Full credit to WhatsApp group chat skin for providing the code and thus being the sole reason I figured out how to do this.

Any mistakes are my own.

Chapter 1: Reveal

Chapter Notes

Warning: The chats are scrollable. Please keep that in mind!

It figures that even half-way across the world Ilya’s dick manages to ruin his day. The real surprise is that it isn’t the only dick involved in this mess.

Fuck.

Cliff tilts his head back further and further. Until the back of his head is digging into the headrest of the huge couch Ilya insisted was a must-have purchase because "How do you have orgies if you have no place to put the bodies, Marly, do Americans not know basic sex education? Or math?" Not that Cliff has ever had what he would call an orgy—that one time in San Francisco might count, depending on your definition, but that is not the point right now—but he has to give it to Ilya: the guy knows how to pick out furniture. Cliff hasn't regretted the purchase.

He still doesn't. The cushions are really fucking comfortable.

He's even had dates compliment this couch, for fuck's sake. And while he has never told his captain that—the last thing Ilya Rozanov needs is to have his ego fed—he is sure the fucker knows anyway. Smuggest asshole he has ever met, that one, and Cliff says that with all the affection he can spare.

Usually that would be a fair amount, given that Ilya is pretty much his best friend on the team. And also his captain. Whom Cliff genuinely admires—which is unsurprising because come on—and likes—which is somewhat surprising given that Roz has made arrogant shit-talking his entire personality—because somehow chirps that should make Cliff itch with the urge to knock out a couple of teeth just make him laugh when it's Roz. Because it's Roz.

Usually Ilya doesn't ruin Cliff's perfectly good first day off in what feels like half a year—an exaggeration, yes, but not by much—because he has to get his dick wet.

Actually that's not true. Is, in fact, a bold lie.

Cliff can remember five separate times when Roz' sex life has ruined his hard-earned peace and quiet in the last year alone. There are probably more examples that he can't be bothered to recall right now.

Fuck.

Cliff groans into the meaty flesh of his forearm. At least the last time he was forced to get involved in Ilya's private escapades, it was because Coach would have murdered his asshole captain if he had found out that Rozanov had skipped curfew. Again. Montréal always brings out the worst in him.

That particular debacle had involved some very fast talking and even faster thinking on Cliff's part, especially with the hangover pounding against the inside of his skull. But he had pulled it off. With a little help from Kane.

Rookies are useful for that kind of shit. As much ribbing as they get for being the babies of the team, no one expects them to pull the same shit the vets have already proven themselves capable of. Mattias Kane, in particular, has a reputation for being a rule-abiding goody two shoes.

He'd been honest to god scandalized when he realized that their captain had broken a rule. Which had been objectively hilarious. Cliff can't think of a single member on his team that would have reacted to his demand with surprise. Maybe exasperation but not surprise. Ilya may not act as outrageous as his reputation makes him out to be, respects their coach too much to pull shit like that all the time, but he's also Ilya motherfucking Rozanov. And—though only the more senior team members are aware of this and all of them know better than to comment on it—he always breaks curfew when they play in Montréal.

Connors has some very elaborate theories about that. The kind that Cliff regrets having ever heard of. He has vowed to make sure that Ilya never learns of them. The asshole would probably think that shit is funny and start playing into it, and that's really the last thing he needs.

Cliff blinks. Stares at the ceiling above his head.

The ceiling is the same shade of white it has been since he moved into this apartment three years ago. There might be the remains of a spider web clinging to his ceiling lamp. When Cliff squints he can make out the faint strands in the sunlight.

His phone is sitting on the couch next to him. Cliff doesn't have to turn his head to know that his screen is lit up as message after message after message pours in. It hasn't been quite since Cliff—and the rest of fucking America—has woken up and opened a news portal. Or literally any social media app.

Fucking fuck.

Somehow Cliff doesn't think Matti's I'm-a-clueless-rookie routine will be enough to cover for Ilya this time.

Connors was right. Cliff didn't have to go looking for it. Just typed "Rozanov" into Google. The very first search result was a new TMZ article, posted three hours and forty-six minutes ago.

Cliff stared.

The headline 'NHL'S FIRST GAY HOCKEY PLAYER? BOSTON'S ROZANOV CAUGHT IN BED WITH MARRIED MAN' stared back at him.

"What the-"

Cliff clicked on the link. At the top of the article, right underneath the headline, was a grainy picture of Roz kissing another guy. It was not the only picture.

The ceiling is still the same pale white it has always been. Cliff blinks, hoping its boring mediocrity will somehow disperse the images that have burned themselves into his retinas.

He is, of course, not that lucky.

Alright, enough.

He reaches for his phone.

This isn't his first scandal. It sure as hell isn't Ilya's first scandal. But Ilya isn't here right now. Not in Boston, not even in the same timezone. He can't make jokes or tell the rest of the guys to back the fuck off or come out- do whatever he wants to do and feels comfortable with.

So it falls to Cliff to handle the situation. Or at least to keep it under control for the time being and do damage control until Ilya has decided how to handle this. Like make sure that none of this drama affects the team, now or on the ice.

Which it shouldn't. Obviously. It's no one's business what any of them do in their free time. That includes whether they have a pet and if they prefer a house over an apartment and it most definitely includes whom they kiss or fuck.

Just because the blood-hungry scavengers that pass themselves off as voices of an independent media don't understand basic privacy rights doesn't mean Cliff is going to fall into that same trap. And he is going to drag his entire team with him, whether they like it or not.

Though they better fucking like it.

That's his duty as Ilya's alternate. Not to mention his friend.

First things first. Cliff scrolls down farther than he usually has to until he finds his private chat with Roz. Their last conversation from two days ago stares back at him.

Ilya hasn't answered since, which is not unusual for him. And that was before that damn video got leaked.

Cliff grimaces. If the state of his own phone is any indication, Ilya must be buried in messages by now. Even if he is awake by some miracle, he’ll be busy.

This is gonna be a shitshow. Cliff has no illusions about that. It would be anyway, but the timing really couldn't have been worse. Ilya is playing in the Olympic Games, is the captain of the Russian team, and that means that more than just regular hockey fans and sport enthusiasts are watching him right now. Hell, that might well be the reason TMZ has published this video now because it sure isn't recent. Ilya hasn't worn his hair that short in a while.

Fuck those assholes. Especially if this was a calculated move. And even if it is just shitty luck, fuck them anyway.

Cliff pauses, thumb hovering over the touchscreen.

He has no idea what to type. There is no play book for this. No script to follow.

It's not even about the fact that Ilya apparently likes to kiss men. Or. Well. Maybe it is. A little. But it’s not like Ilya has come out or anything. Then at least Cliff would know what he is supposed to say. Or maybe he wouldn't—because now that he's thinking about it, actually, what the hell would he say if Ilya had come out as gay?—but at least he would know what kind of conversation they are having.

That's not what this is. Ilya hasn't come out as anything. Might or might not be anything.

Cliff doesn't want to assume, shit, anything. He doesn't want to close any doors he might not be able to open back up either.

He could take the easy way out. Send something generic like 'Is it really you in that video?'. Probably the same question five or fifteen other people have already sent in the various group chats he watches going off in real time. But that's a stupid fucking question. No, worse. It's a cop-out. The pictures may be blurry, are probably screen-shots from the video, but the quality isn’t that bad.

Cliff can almost see the unimpressed look on Ilya’s face should he take the coward’s way out. Hear the drawled 'You have eyes, yes? You forget how to use them?'

He could go the other way. Tell Ilya he is sorry for the invasion of his privacy. Because this sucks. It has to suck. Even if it had been sex with just a woman, it would have been shitty. Ilya may not be shy—doesn’t even exist in the same realm as shyness when it comes to sex, which Cliff as his long-time roommate is unfortunately very aware of—but that doesn’t mean he wants his private encounters live on the internet for everyone to see, judge and comment on.

So Cliff could say that he is sorry and mean it, no problem, but it would still be an empty message. Non-committal.

Cliff knows his captain. Ilya would take the neutral statement, note the way it doesn't give anything away about how Cliff feels about the content of those photos and take it as an accusation. An attack.

Because in the world of Ilya Rozanov everything is an attack until proven otherwise.

Fuck.

Cliff feels like he is back in high school, struggling to text his crush for the first time. Trying to sound normal and not like an idiot. Or worse a homophobe.

Why is this so fucking hard? He just needs to write something real. This is Ilya. His buddy. His captain. His best fucking friend. Even if his message gets buried under whatever fresh hell is probably being unleashed on Ilya's phone right now, eventually Ilya will go through the notifications. Will check them, even if he never responds, because that way he knows where he stands. And when he does Cliff wants Ilya to see that he has reached out.

That they are okay. Because of course they fucking are.

Next up: checking in on the rest of the team. Cliff is not looking forward to that one but the chances of anyone vaguely hockey-interested missing these news are somewhere between zero and nil. So he needs to assess the damage. Make sure no one does anything stupid like talk to a reporter—or goes off on Twitter. He should probably also check in with Coach and Management, see where they stand. They can figure out how to do damage control from there.

Somehow there are already 146 unread notifications in his group chat with the other veterans. Cliff ignores them and opens the official team chat instead.

There are no new messages, which is almost worse than if the chat had exploded too. It means the rookies—and, let's be real, everyone else—is freaking out in the private chats. Maybe they are waiting for an official statement, either from Cliff or Ilya himself. Or maybe they don't want to discuss this where Ilya can see it.

If it's the latter, Cliff wants to believe it is out of respect and concern for their captain. He really does.

He is going to do that until and unless anyone gives him a reason to think otherwise. That said, if he finds even a hint of anything indicating there are other reasons at work, Cliff is going to harass impressionable rookies into giving him access to whatever groups he isn't already included in so he can figure out whom he has to beat back into line.

For now he is going to focus on doing the responsible shit the league pays him to do. Which is a damn shame. Cliff would really, really like to hit something.

Coach LeClaire isn’t a man of many words but this has got to be one of the shortest phone calls he has ever had with the man. Just a clipped “You heard anything from Rozanov?” followed by a sharp order to make sure that no one shows up to practice this afternoon.

It makes sense. It’s an open practice and the last thing they need is to put anyone from the team in the same building as a bunch of overeager journalists. That’s a lose-lose scenario if Cliff has ever heard one.

Of course Management won’t officially cancel it—that would open up a whole other can of worms—but since it’s a free one, no one is obligated to show up. Plausible deniability is their best friend here.

“I’ll let the team know,” Cliff says because there isn’t much else for him to say.

“Good. And Marlow?” Coach pauses long enough that Cliff feels cold sweat gathering on the back of his neck, long enough to hear questions he has no answers to and even less of a desire to discuss with his coach of all people ringing in it. “If Rozanov contacts you, you tell him to call me. And let me know. Immediately.”

“Yes, Coach.”

It’s a relief when LeClaire hangs up without another word. Cliff does not want to discuss Ilya’s sex life with their coach. Like really, really doesn’t. Cliff has his friend’s back and everything but Roz can bite that bullet on his own, thank you very much.

Cliff stares at his phone for a long time, thumb frozen on the screen.

Cliff stares at the little notification icon next to the team group chat and watches the number climb with devastating speed without feeling a thing.

Well. No.

He does feel something. There is a noose that wraps itself around his chest, too tight to be confused with a hug, too unrelenting to be anything but a threat. A coldness that feels sharp to the touch—feels like something close to horror—unfurls slowly underneath his skin. Pushes and prods against his ribs like a second heart that threatens to swallow the messy, pumping muscle that is already there.

He needs to calm down. He needs to breathe.

Cliff is overreacting. Obviously. He is panicking over nothing. So Russia isn’t the most LGBTQ-friendly country. If he was thinking somewhat rationally, he would probably already know this. There was plenty of noise around the placement of the Olympic Winter Games in Sochi. Cliff is sure he has heard talk about discrimination concerns before. He just can’t remember any of it right now.

All Cliff can do is read the same three paragraphs over and over. His eyes keep getting stuck on phrases like 'vague wording' and 'rise in hate crimes' and 'no tolerance for non-traditional relationships'.

It’s fucking stupid. Probably. No one is going to—to arrest or detain Ilya over a stupid sex tape that wasn’t even just with a man. Of course they won’t. It’s not like Ilya is alone there. He is at the Olympic Games, for fuck’s sake. The whole world is watching Sochi right now.

That’s not gonna matter if the wrong official decides to be stupid about this.

The thought is quiet, a whisper amidst the chaos of his racing mind, but it echoes. Because the rest of the world can sign petitions and start protests and file paperwork. And none of that is going to get them Ilya back if some self-important Russian official wants to statute an example. On the captain of the Russian team.

It doesn’t even matter what Ilya is. If he is queer or just picked a phenomenally bad moment to try something different. The truth is meaningless. A public persona is about the shine, the drama, the reputation—not the reality. Those damn headlines that are utter bullshit are the facts by which Ilya is going to be judged.

Calm down.

Cliff tries. He regulates his breathing. Falls back on the same exercises he uses when he gets checked in the middle of a game, when a hit lands just this side of wrong, punches all the air out of his lungs and for a single moment suspended in time your body is convinced that it is going to die. And there is nothing you can do except ride it out and wait for the pain to hit.

It’s gonna be fine. It's just a reminder to take this serious. That this is not a fucking joke. But Ilya is fine. He is fine and he is gonna give us hell once he finally checks his messages.

Even if he is though, I am going to murder whoever leaked that video.

Gritting his teeth Cliff pulls up his contacts and does the only thing he can think of: he calls Ilya.

The call doesn’t connect.

Chapter 2: Reaction

Chapter Summary

“The number you are calling is unavailable.”

Featuring A Totally Sensible Plan, more co-conspirators than expected and Roz' (continued) inability to answer his phone. Cliff's day is going fantastic, why do you ask?

Chapter Notes

Does coding these chapters take at least trice as long as writing them? Possibly. Ah, the things we do for love. And the fandom, of course.

Happy reading!

"The number you are calling is unavailable."

Cliff’s second call with Coach LeClaire is somehow worse than the first. Worse—but necessary.

Because Kane and the other Rookies may be allowed to panic—and they are, they definitely are, Cliff doesn’t need to check the group chat to know as much—but Cliff can’t afford the same luxury. He is Roz’ alternate. It is his job to hold the team together. Meaning it is also his job to keep his shit together. Until Roz is back—then he can and will get drunk out of his fucking mind in peace.

Or maybe just punch Roz into his smug face. Right after he hugs him.

For that to happen, there still needs to be a team left instead of several dozen supposed adults who are currently self-imploding in real-time though.

The first step? Information.

Cliff’s finger hovers over the list of chats for a long moment as he considers his options. Keep the circle of those involved small and contained or throw it all out there?

Whom is he kidding? Things have gone beyond controllable before he even realized that there was a problem to solve. Might as well go all in.

“The number you are calling is unavailable.”

Cliff grits his teeth against the far too tempting urge to throw his phone through the nearest wall. He punches the closest cushion like an adult instead.

Cliff exhales.

Deletes his last message. It’s nothing Volkov doesn’t already know. He settles for a simple “Done” instead and tries not to wonder how many people on that stupid national team will have Roz’ back when it comes down to it.

If anyone will when just relaying a message to concerned friends has people afraid to have their names attached to it.

Sometimes Cliff genuinely wants to kill his team. He knows they are good guys who mean well and that coping through humor and shit talking is what they do when they are stressed but the bullshit is not helping his nerves right now.

Neither is the stupid voice telling him Ilya’s number is unavailable.

It might be a good sign. Ilya could be on a plane. Or he has simply switched off his phone. Or ditched it entirely.

Cliff knows he should stop calling. At this point he is just driving himself mad. But he can’t seem to stop.

It’s like a fucking compulsion.

Not that he has a single damn clue what he would do if he got Ilya on the line. Ask him how to help, probably. Demand to know if he’s safe, definitely. But what good is that gonna do Ilya? No wonder he hasn’t texted or called. Cliff is fucking useless to him right now.

That might actually be the worst part.

Cliff shouldn’t. He is well aware of the futility of his own actions. But. It's like an itch you know you shouldn't scratch, that doing so will only make you feel worse and yet.

He hits ‘Call’ anyway.

"The number you are calling is unavailable."

Cliff pauses for a long moment to wonder whether he will regret making that promise. But no—he can’t allow himself to think like that. He has to have faith in Ilya.

And his team, which thankfully doesn’t disappoint him.

Despite having talked about the necessity of social media posts for a while, Cliff has no idea what to he’s supposed to say.

Oh, he’s sure Management and Marketing would have a lot of things to say if he asked, which is why he has no plans to do so. Never mind the league, who so far hasn’t made an official comment on anything that’s been happening.

Hell no.

They can deal.

If he gets a fine out of it, Cliff is going to call that money well spent. Because once it’s out there, it’s not like they can take it back. And the more people join in, the harder it’s going to be to hold any one individual responsible.

But that still leaves him here, struggling how to pull together a post. He knows the other are waiting for him to do kick this off—well, except maybe Lara, who has tried to call him twice but again, better to ask for forgiveness than permission, so he’s pulling a Roz on her—but he needs to make it count.

No pressure.

More importantly: no time. Cliff grits his teeth and starts typing.

He ends up writing a far too long rant in the notes app on his phone that he shortens until the whole message fits onto the screen. Then he uploads the screenshot on Twitter, tags the official Bears’ and Olympic’s accounts because he might as well, and hits post before he can overthink it. He does the exact same thing on Instagram.

It’s not like people there follow him for his aesthetic visuals.

‼️ IMPORTANT, PLEASE READ: My best friend and captain Ilya Rozanov’s life is in serious danger. Read up on LGBTQ rights in Russia if you don’t know why but do that later. We need your help NOW. Roz is in hiding and needs to stay there.

What you can do to keep him safe: post fake sightings of him. Anywhere goes as long as it’s not real. We need to bury any genuine info under as much fake content as possible. Please share this and start posting your own sightings! Every addition counts. #RozSpotted #StandwithRozanov

Cliff Marlow ✅ @realcliffmarlow

This is not a joke. Roz’ life is danger. Help us hide him in plain sight. Internet, I’m counting on you. @bears.official @nhl

Cliff ignores the group chat and instead shares his Instagram post in his story. He tags a couple more people that he thinks might be willing to help out before he immediately closes the app. He should probably stay on, be there to react and answer questions, encourage people and make sure they get how serious he is. He should also start sharing and retweeting the posts of the other players and start a couple of his own. But.

He just.

He needs a moment.

He needs to fucking breathe.

More than that he needs Ilya to answer the goddamn phone.

At this point, tapping the little phone sign next to his best friend’s name feels like muscle memory. The voice that greets him, on the other hand, is the worst kind of déjà-vu.

"The number you are calling is unavailable."

Cliff exhales. Pinches the bridge of his nose as he scrambles for something resembling composure.

He pulls up his conversation with Ilya instead.

Cliff stares at his newest messages. He tries not to notice that there is only one check mark behind each of them, indicating that they have been sent but not delivered.

He fails.

Chapter 3: Response

Chapter Summary

🚨 RUSSIA DECLARES NHL PLAYER ROZANOV MISSING — INTERNET DISAGREES 🚨

If you disregard Russia, Roz' inability to answer his phone, the League, Crowell, Roz' inability to answer his fucking phone, shared Hollanov RPG trauma, the Bears' collective inability to chill for 1 whole second and oh, yes, Roz' fucking inability to answer his fucking phone, Cliff's week is going pretty okay.

That last part is a lie.

Chapter Notes

Warning: Please be aware that I know more about hockey than I know about Twitter/x. (And I know next to nothing about hockey.) Especially stan Twitter. All my "knowledge"—and I'm using that term very loosely—stems from reading other great mixed media fanfics. Make of that what you will.

Scott Hunter ✅ @scotthunterofficial
@theilyarozanov chilling with dinosaurs while the whole place descends into panic around him? It’s more likely than you think. #RozSpotted

*Selfie of Scott grinning into the camera. In the background a person is lying on the bed, turned away from the camera. Curly blond hair peeks out from under the covers.*

[Tweet deleted]

↳ Mrs Rozanov @marshaontheruuuun
scott hunter you messy little bitch

↳ Olli’s got this @admiralsforthecup
uhm…what is happening here??

↳ #1 Admirals Fanboy @youreadthatright
correct me if im wrong but dont roz and hunter like hate each other

↳ ↳ puck that fck @lmaoaturusername
shouldn’t you kn0w?

↳ ↳ ↳ #1 Admirals Fanboy @youreadthatright
fuck off

↳ ↳ Ric @bearsdoitbetter
trust me, they do

↳ Bex here @rebeccawithoutak
soooo do we think hunter killed him? cause that smile is giving major serial killer vibes ngl

↳ thats my hot angry russian baby @hotforrozanov
ok but bear with me… what if there was only one bed? 😏

↳ ↳ Mrs Rozanov @marshaontheruuuun
what fucking train am I on and how the fuck do I get off?!?

↳ hiii and byeeeeee @russianlovemachine91
Is this the start of Huzanov? Because I was not ready

↳ ↳ thats my hot angry russian baby @hotforrozanov
thats a terrible ship name

↳ ↳ Bex here @rebeccawithoutak
not that I’m down for this ship bc by friends would disown me but I really think there is no good option here. I mean rozter? Scoz? Huntanov? 

↳ ↳ ↳ hiii and byeeeeee @russianlovemachine91
i knooooow!! ilyott, scya, hunya… the pain is real

↳ ↳ Boris Teller @hockeyforlife
Those are two real men you’re talking about. Don’t be disgusting.

↳ ↳ #1 Admirals Fanboy @youreadthatright
you need to touch grass holy shit

↳ Eternal Rozanov Stan @rozanovstanaccount 
if this means what I think it means…

 ↳ ↳ Ric @bearsdoitbetter 
 has half the internet forgotten that rozanov is straight or is it just me

  ↳ ↳ ↳ Eternal Rozanov Stan @rozanovstanaccount 
  tell me you havent seen the pics yet without telling me you havent seen the pics yet lmfao

  ↳ ↳ ↳ hiii and byeeeeee @russianlovemachine91 
  boy do I have news for you

Scott Hunter ✅ @scotthunterofficial 
a gentleman never tells but someone does not share blankets well 

🔁 thats my hot angry russian baby @hotforrozanov 
ok but bear with me… what if there was only one bed? 😏

 

↳ thats my hot angry russian baby @hotforrozanov  
OH MY FUCKING GOD?????!!!!!!!!!!!

↳ hiii and byeeeeee @russianlovemachine91 
The ship sails at dawn. It has no name. Those who know will know and they will be there.

↳ Mrs Rozanov @marshaontheruuuun 
what the fuck is happening rn 

↳ #1 Admirals Fanboy @youreadthatright 
*i* need to touch grass holy shit

Cliff doesn’t know what he expects—let’s be real, what he is blindly hoping for—when he hits ‘post’ on his tweet.

Carter has sent him the link to several Russian accounts with recent posts, some including blurry pictures that could be anyone and could definitely pass as Ilya, so the first part of their last-minute game plan seems to have worked well. Or as well as they could have hoped for.

Some of those posts have been deleted in the meantime—particularly the ones that have been retweeted multiple times.

Yulia, one of the local women Carter has put Cliff in touch with, has assured him that the tweets have already drawn some attention and that several of her friends have started their own rumors. She hasn’t mentioned whether any of them know why they are being asked to do this nor has she indicated that she has any idea herself.

Given what Nik—better known as Rookie #3—has hinted at, Cliff has a feeling that the omission is no accident.

Good.

He is already losing his mind trying to protect one wayward Russian, the last thing he needs is to expand the circle of people he has to worry about.

So. They’re doing good on the Phase 1 part of things. As for Phase 2…

Well.

The Boston Bear’s official account retweets his post within twenty seconds of Cliff publishing it. So do two thirds of their team.

Scott Hunter and Shane Hollander of all people—though now that Cliff thinks about it, Hollander is at the Olympics too and while his rivalry with Ilya has always been intense and personal, he can’t imagine Hollander would be the type who would enjoy watching Ilya get arrested for his sexuality, so it does make a certain amount of sense—follow. Then the official Admirals’ account and several of their team members. Brooklyn’s captain. San Francisco’s alternate captain. Two LA defensemen follow.

By the time ESPN shares Cliff’s tweet twelve minutes later, #RozSpotted is trending.

BOSTON FTW @onceabearalwaysabear
live footage of rozanov photobombing my holiday pics in vienna 😭 dude, you mind??? #rozspotted

Jamie from down the block @bostonattheblueline
BREAKING NEWS: #IlyaRozanov seen aggressively arguing with a pigeon outside Fenway Park over a hot dog. The pigeon won. #RozSpotted

 ↳ note that down @ilyarozanovquotes
 “You are lying liar who lies!”

 ↳ Marco Delacroix ✅ @delacroix43official
 fr if you want people to believe you it needs to be a puppy. roz will glare for two minutes then buy him a whole hot dog stand #rozspotted

Sainty ✅ @victorstsimon
To anyone looking for my boy roz: we’re binge-watching friends on my couch and you are not invited #RozSpotted #TeamRoss

 ↳ Mrs Rozanov @marshaontheruuuun
 “my boy roz” oh they are not fucking around #thatsmyteam

 ↳ CC ✅ @connorconnorsofficial
 the way i know roz is gonna make you regret that last part… i could say it was nice knowing you but i’m gonna laugh at your misery instead #rozspotted

81 forevaaa @td_garden_rowdie
my cousin's neighbor's dog walker SWEARS she just saw roz at a dunkin' in austin ordering an iced latte with extra sugar #rozspotted 

Jenny Jen Jen @puckbunny1987
Watching Rozanov at a Dave & Buster's here in #NewJersey absolutely destroy my boyfriend at air hockey. That man got skills. #RozSpotted

↳ Louis @iceicebaby
hey why does he have to destroy me? I could totally win you don’t know

↳ ↳ Jenny Jen Jen @puckbunny1987
Just trying to keep it realistic babe 😘

↳ ↳ ↳ Benedict @attheotherzoo
you need some aloe vera with that burn bro?

↳ ↳ ↳ Louis @iceicebaby 
FML #rozspotted i guess

Definitely not Ilya @NotActuallyRoz 
This is NOT Ilya Rozanov. I am just a regular person buying groceries in Cincinnati. The sunglasses are an aesthetic. Do not look at me. #RozSpotted

Shane Hollander ✅ @shanehollanderhockeyplayer
Funny running into you here, Rozanov. First drink is on me. #RozSpotted

↳ Hollander’s future mistress @number24forever
lmao the way the picture is just a close up of a healthy smoothies menu, shane hollander never change

↳ Jasmin @thehollanovagenda
SHANE HOLLANDER PROTECTING ILYA ON MAIN I USED TO PRAY FOR TIMES LIKE THESE

↳ ↳ Quentin @mtlvoyageursonfire
girl it’s literally one (1) tweet

↳ ↳ ↳ Better with Brain @hockeyiqinthegame
dude don’t bother arguing with the rpg fans those chicks are rabid

↳ ↳ ↳ ↳ thats my hot angry russian baby @hotforrozanov
male, 34, spews misogynistic bullshit on the internet. fork found in kitchen

Not that Ross @nerdiestlotrfantoevernerd
one does not simply walk into mordor. unless one is ilya MF rozanov because i just watched him storm the gate #rozspotted

↳ thats my hot angry russian baby @hotforrozanov
no capitals except for the MF, bestie you are so fucking real #rozspotted

Carter ✅ @cartervaughn
watching rozanov argue the benefit of thirst tweets is simultaneously terrifying and inspiring. cap is never gonna know another minute of peace #rozspotted

🔁 Carter ✅ @cartervaughn
soo are we just not gonna mention that we came to sochi with 2 social media managers and there are now 3 sitting at our table? asking for a friend #rozspotted

↳ Scott Hunter ✅ @scotthunterofficial
Sounds about right… #RozSpotted

↳ Jeremiah @jeremiahpearson 
He does have a point about the increased engagement though #sorryCaptain #RozSpotted

Vanya @initforthehockey
think I just saw ilya rozanov on a train to krasnodar? Isn’t he supposed to play tomorrow? #rozspotted

He’s sexy and we know it @ilyarozanovsrightpec
Roses are red, violets are blue, i just saw ilya rozanov and apparently so did you #RozSpotted

Too gay for this @drinksomewaterdude
anyone reeling from how we went from first gay hockey player to get your asses in gear he might get killed for it? #rozspotted

↳ lgbtina @sorryursostupid
fr it makes me so sick like wtf

It figures that Cliff’s screen lights up with a call from his coach not a minute later.

Cliff grimaces.

That is not a call he wants to have right now. Or ever. But he knows better than to dodge LeClaire’s calls.

He is not Ilya fucking Rozanov.

“Hey Coach,” he says, aiming for nonchalant and landing somewhere in between this-isn’t-what-it-looks-like and I-swear-this-won’t-make-it-into-tomorrow’s-headlines.

“Marlow.” A brief pause as though LeClaire isn’t quite sure what to say either. “How are you holding up?”

Cliff stares at the blank wall opposite his TV. There’s a small hole there where a team picture used to hang before Connors knocked it off during his last hang-out.

He still hasn’t found the missing nail.

“Still standing,” he ends up muttering, getting up as he speaks. He can’t sit down for this. He can’t stay still.

“And the team?”

“Hanging in there.” Cliff has no idea if that’s true.

Shit, he should probably check on the rookies. Nik in particular, he’s gone silent ages ago. Hasn’t joined the SpotRoz chat for what Cliff suspects is the obvious reason.

Sainty, Connor and Micky are holding up fine, he knows those guys well enough to tell even through the waves of panicked texts, but people like Price and Eriksson are harder to read. Cliff isn’t close to them outside of practice.

And that doesn’t touch on the guys who aren’t participating—not that Cliff is taking careful note of who they are or anything.

That’s a problem for later though.

“I’ve seen the tweets.”

There it is. The real reason for this call.

“Right.”

Cliff runs a hand through his hair, just to have something to do.

“All of them,” LeClaire stresses.

Cliff opens his mouth. Shuts it again. He has no clue what he’s supposed to say.

Sorry for doing this behind his coach’s back? That would be a lie and LeClaire hates lies. Especially pointless, obvious ones like this would be.

“Coach, I-”

The thing is, Cliff likes LeClaire. He’s a good coach, objectively speaking. One who cares about his players, not just their performance. He wants to believe that LeClaire doesn’t give a shit about the leaked video. Not anymore than he would about any other sex tape, which is to say he would be pissed and read them the riot act for being careless and send them to PR to help figure out how to clean up the mess. And that would be that.

He probably doesn’t care if Ilya is gay. He definitely cares that Ilya has disappeared somewhere in Russia and is in very real danger.

That doesn’t mean that Coach would have given them permission to go ahead with this plan if they had bothered to ask for permission though. For a million reasons, only half of which start with ‘L’ and end with ‘eague’.

Which is why they haven’t asked. Why no one in any of the group chats has even suggested it.

“Save it,” LeClaire interrupts. A good thing because Cliff has no clue how he would have finished that sentence. “I’m not calling to haul you over the coals, Marlow. I want to know if you’ve heard anything.”

“No.” Cliff wishes he could give a different answer. “Not yet.”

“But you think he’s moving?”

I have to, Cliff carefully doesn’t say because the last thing he needs is to make this call more uncomfortable on the both of them. “I’m pretty sure he got out of Sochi. Beyond that…” He swallows. “I really don’t know.”

The silence lingers long enough to turn tense before LeClaire finally breaks it with a sigh.

“You tell me if that changes,” he demands. “Good or bad. You hear anything reliable, you let me know. I am not going to find out on Twitter that you idiots started an actual riot, got it?”

“Yes, Coach.”

Cliff shuffles back and forth in the small space between his sofa and the couch table, restless. The pause is too long not to be deliberate. He knows what’s coming. What has to come.

He just doesn’t know what it means yet.

“The League called me,” LeClaire states.

Here we go.

He sounds calm, at least.

"Crowell, specifically.”

“I figured.”

LeClaire hums. “Not a call anyone wants to get at half past seven in the evening. You know what he said?”

Cliff smiles, a reflexive expression void of humor. “I can guess.”

“I’ll save you the trouble. It boiled down to letting me know that the League deems it important for its teams to ensure that their players’ public activities do not constitute a, and I quote, ‘reputational liability in the context of ongoing sensitive diplomatic relations'.”

“That’s a lot of big words for ‘sit down and keep your mouth shut’.” Cliff does not grit his teeth. He has more control than that.

“Indeed.” Another pause. “In unrelated news I have had a friendly chat with Dartwood from Legal, who has taken some time out of her incredibly busy day to remind me that players have a right to express opinions on matters of public concern. Which most definitely include a fellow player’s safety.”

Cliff exhales deeper than he means to. “Is that so.”

“Turns out a contractual obligation for appropriate conduct only takes you so far.” He doesn’t think he imagines the hint of amusement in his coach’s voice. “Now, Crowell has made his position known and I expect I have as well.”

“Yes, Coach.”

“Good.” LeClaire huffs. “It’s gonna be a busy day tomorrow—and that’s only if today ends at some point. I don’t have time to babysit my players’ social media activities twenty-four-seven while management is trying to escalate an international incident. Unofficially, of course. I’m a very busy man and if anyone has any opinions and wants to make them heard I will not be in a place to stop them. Have I made myself clear, Marlow?”

“Crystal.”

Cliff swallows a laugh that is edged with more hysteria than relief.

“Now try to get some rest. And Marlow?”

“Yes, Coach?”

“If anyone asks, I was furious.”

“Of course, Coach.”

The Guardian (UK): As Russia moves to detain Rozanov, IOC silence speaks volumes 
By Sochi correspondent Vanessa Rayez

On the same day that Russian federal authorities declared Ilya Rozanov a person of interest—a designation everyone present understood to be a euphemism—the International Olympic Committee decided to issue a statement about the figure skating schedule.

The timing is, in its own way, on point.

On Thursday morning Russian officials confirmed what has been quietly understood since his disappearance the previous afternoon: that Rozanov, successful NHL player and captain of Russia's own Olympic team, is being sought by federal authorities in connection with what Deputy Press Secretary Mikhail Vronsky called "suspected violations of Russian federal law". 

He did not elaborate. He did not need to. Everyone in that press room knew which law he meant.

It is the same law the IOC has assured all of us—in particular the human rights organizations that have been highlighting the untenable risks for athletes and visitors alike and demanded explicit protections since its implementation—would not be enforced against Olympic participants.

Rozanov is very much a participant. Yet…

Read more

Comments:

Chadichadchad · 5min ago 👍 36 
I mean, the guy has a russian passport I guess?

81istheanswertoeveryproblem · 2min ago 👍 255
and he’s still a fucking participant and a human fucking being. sit the fuck down chad, the adults are talking

ThomasAshfordJunior · 1h ago 👍 621
"I’m running out of ways to write 'we told you so' without sounding unprofessional."
—this reporter, probably

MoscowWatcher_1989 · 2h ago 👍 1.2k
I lived in Russia for 11 years. I need people to understand that 'person of interest' in this context is NOT a formality. It’s not a bureaucratic designation. I hope very much that whoever is helping him knows what they’re doing.

JustAnotherEnglishBreakfast · 1h ago 👍 170
How do you know that someone’s helping him? Maybe he just ran

MoscowWatcher_1989 · 1h ago 👍 268
Because if he didn’t have help he would have already gotten arrested.

TMZ Sports (US): 🚨 RUSSIA DECLARES NHL PLAYER ROZANOV MISSING — INTERNET DISAGREES 🚨

Earlier this morning Russian officials declared NHL captain Ilya Rozanov a person of interest. What happened? And more importantly: where is the star player and regular All Star fan favorite?

Well. According to Twitter, Rozanov has been busy. 

He has visited 17 countries, joined a book club with Ellen Page, crashed the practice of two NBA teams, slept in and/or under the beds of 29 celebrities—including Lady Gaga, a former NFL athlete and fellow NHL player Scott Hunter—and been caught losing an intense staring contest with a spirited bulldog in Cologne (Germany). All within the last 7 hours.

Or so countless #RozSpotted tweets from around the world claim.

What started as a cry for help from Rozanov’s team has grown into one of the fastest growing online movements in Twitter's history. As of this morning #RozSpotted has been used approximately 750k times in 21 languages and is trending in 25 countries. With no word on Rozanov's true whereabouts, it is unlikely to slow down…

Read more

Comments:

Sonja_is_queerer_than_you: Oh, you mean the guy you outed is missing? The guy YOU OUTED WHILE HE WAS IN FUCKING RUSSIA IS MISSNG??? WHO IS F*CKING SHOCKED???!!!

BostonBearsForLife: well if that isn’t the consequences of your own damn actions

AnonymousRoz: May all your coffee machines break over night, all your printers run out of ink, all your computers glitch and most importantly may your cursed headquarters burn down. See you in hell.

Luke @wednesdaydisappointments
ROZ? at a mcdonalds drive-thru in sydney?? on a bicycle??? ordering 3 mcflurrys???? #RozSpotted

↳ Vic @notthisagainffs 
Are you confusing yourself with hot hockey players again?

↳ ↳ Luke @wednesdaydisappointments 
THAT WAS ONE TIME

Estella @sexpectedroz
this is gonna sound unhinged but i think ilya rozanov just cut the line in front of me at at the cinema. like I get it’s the lego movie but have some decency man #rozspotted #milan

Marie-Luise @GoalieGirlBoss
POV: you're at the colosseum in rome and rozanov walks past you wearing a gladiator helmet and nothing else. no i am not well 🥵 #rozspotted

↳ thats my hot angry russian baby @hotforrozanov
holymoly new meet-hot unlocked

Official NHL Account ✅ @NHL
Regarding the situation involving Boston’s Ilya Rozanov: we are monitoring developments closely and are in close contact with the Boston Bears’ organization. 

↳ You’re out @sinbinphilosophy
"we are monitoring developments closely" bitch monitoring from where exactly. a bunker. a golf course. WHERE IS HE #RozSpotted

Official NHL Account ✅ @NHL
Friendly reminder that we don’t comment on personal matters involving our players.

↳ Ethican @morally_ambilicious
the NHL really said "we don't comment on personal matters" while their best player is being hunted for the crime of existing. personal matters. PERSONAL MATTERS. i need to lie down
 
↳ Brookie @thirdline_brooke
the cognitive dissonance required to type those words and press post is staggering

↳ Mike @bostonfanonthedl
to be fair what were they going to say

↳ ↳ Ethican @morally_ambilicious
oh i don't know. maybe "we are actively working on ensuring our player's safety". maybe "we condemn the criminalization of our players' sexualities". maybe literally anything other than WE DON'T COMMENT ON PERSONAL MATTERS

↳ ↳ ↳ Mike @bostonfanonthedl
point taken

Mrs Rozanov @marshaontheruuuun
To recap: Scott Hunter, who has fought Rozanov on the ice multiple times, is on here being more useful than the entire NHL communications department

↳ Lessie @xX_puckdrop_Xx
the league getting outclassed by their own players. again. they don't even seem embarrassed about it smh

Cliff puts down his phone.

He has to put down his phone. If he doesn’t, he knows with crystal clear clarity—the kind that comes from years worth of hits he knew a second before he collided were going to be bad and braced himself for instead of pulling back anyway—that he is going to do something stupid. Like call the commissioner. And say something that is going to cost him his job. Or shout it.

Same difference.

It’s not even…

Cliff hasn’t expected a miracle. The League is probably scrambling. Like all of them are. Of course they’re not gonna go in guns blazing. Especially when Russia hasn’t even caught Roz. Unless they have and have managed to keep it out of the press—

No.

Cliff can’t think about that. That option and sanity are mutually exclusive, so it has to go.

The point is that bland ass statement is exactly what Cliff imagines they would be publishing if Roz had been arrested before he had the chance to disappear. And the thought that this half-page with holes big enough to hide an entire country in it is the only defense his friend might get is—

Cliff doesn’t finish the thought.

He hits the gym instead.

K-Helena @kardashianforpresident
the way i just saw roz at a 7/11 in tokyo at 3am buying 7 different flavors of kit kat..... #rozspotted he said "when in rome" bestie you're in JAPAN 

↳ Orion @11allagain11
can confirm this happened. he did not like the matcha one

Marcel @pilotbunnyboy
Not me watching Rozanov fall asleep in a chair at the Helsinki Airport no sire #RozSpotted

[Tweet deleted]

Go Bears ✅ @bostonbears
Friendly reminder that we stand behind our players, always. #InPersonalMattersAndBeyond #RozSpotted

↳ Marie-Luise @GoalieGirlBoss 
the audacity. the precision. the PETTINESS. i am in awe of whoever runs that account

↳ Dean @td_garden_views 
whoever approved this tweet i need you to know you are a hero 

↳ Caspar @behindthefourthline
911 i just witnessed a murder. they killed them dead 💀

↳ Nick @nickfromtherink 
came for the hockey, stayed for the petty fights #plausibledeniabilityFTW

↳ ↳ totally zen @puckpuckbaby 
"plausible deniability" are we looking at the same tweet? that was about as subtle as a slapshot to the face

↳ ↳ ↳ Nick @nickfromtherink
sure but TECHNICALLY they just said they support their players. TECHNICALLY. the league can't do a thing about it

↳ Robert @actually_a_lawyer 
the Bears are saying nothing objectionable. they’re supporting their players. that's it. that's all they've said. and yet. and YET.

↳ Talia @hockeypurist62 
this is unprofessional. the NHL speaks for the league not individual teams

↳ ↳ Ric @bearsdoitbetter
the NHL wasn't speaking for anyone with that tweet and you know it

Jojo @stilhereorsmth
Do I know who or what Roz is? No. Did I just see them yell "fight me" at a lava lamp? Maybe. #RozSpotted

Hayden Pike ✅ @pikehaydenofficial
You never guess who’s babysitting my kids right now #RozSpotted

Martin @bostonstrue81
#RozSpotted because i love roz but can we just take a second to acknowledge how messed up it is that we HAVE to do this. he shouldn't have to hide. he shouldn't have to run. It’s 2014. do better, world.

Still Team Jacob @lionseatlambsyoumoron
Roz, bro, not to snitch on you but we drive on the LEFT SIDE OF THE ROAD HERE DAMN I— #RozSpotted

Bostn Babe @dunkin_alwayys 
you know where roz hasn’t been spotted? montréal. coincidence? I don’t think so… #RozSpotted 

↳ Eternal Rozanov Stan @rozanovstanaccount 
i should be stronger than this but I’m not not. watch me start a rumor

↳ ↳ thats my hot angry russian baby @hotforrozanov bestie 
that rumor has an entire fandom attached to it, you’re not starting a thing

Gary @beardsandbooks
Good on rozanov for being a hot, white, male celebrity I guess

↳ Lux @justicefornathan
So he should get persecuted for the one minority he’s a part of, is what I hear you saying

↳ Eternal Rozanov Stan @rozanovstanaccount
don’t let the door hit you on the way out gary

Ethican @morally_ambilicious
shoutout to every athlete who was forced to hide part of themselves because the world couldn't handle who they really are. #rozspotted is funny until you remember why it’s necessary.

↳ All or nothing @do_better_nhl
THIS! The problem didn’t start in russia and it won’t stay in russia even if he gets out and I’m sick of people pretending otherwise because they’re retweeting a fucking hashtag

“Marlow, has Ilya Rozanov reached out to you?”

“No comment.”

“Are you happy with the stance the league is taking in regards to your captain?”

“No comment.”

“What do you have to say about the allegations that Rozanov is gay?”

“No comment.”

“Did the team know about Rozanov’s sexuality and the risk he took in returning to Russia?”

“No comment.”

“How is training going?”

“No comment.”

“Is Rozanov expected to return to play after the break ends?”

“No comment.”

“What does it feel like to play with the first ever out gay hockey player? And to have him as your captain?”

“No comment.”

The Atlantic (US): #RozSpotted Is Beautiful and Complicated and We Need to Talk About Both
Comment by Laurent Tanner

If you have gone online at all in the past 48 hours, there is no doubt that you have stumbled upon #RozSpotted. The hashtag, first shared on Twitter by NHL player Cliff Marlow in defense of his recently outed teammate Ilya Rozanov, has since grown into an online movement that is taking the world by storm.

But for those paying attention #RozSpotted is more than the benign act of defense. It is a case study of how easily coordinated disinformation—yes, even well-intentioned disinformation—renders the concept of verifiable facts meaningless.

Critics are asking what it means when millions of people enthusiastically obscure the truth, even if it is for what most would consider a just cause. The mechanics don't care about the motivation, media critic Dana Hill wrote in a much discussed article on Thursday. A disinformation campaign is a disinformation campaign.

And the thing is: she is right.

Defenders of the movement...

Read more

Comments:

Skeptical_for_the_sake_of_it · 2h ago 👍 186
Finally someone says it.

skatingcirclesaroundyou · 2h ago 👍 167 
If you can’t tell the difference between misinformation for the sake of harming and manipulating people vs. noise generated to protect them I really don’t know how to help you.

PatriciaHalloway-Fenn · 3h ago 👍 245
And what’s the alternative, standing by and doing nothing while yet another person is arrested for the crime of existing? How about we have this discussion once he’s safe?

Cliff doesn’t know why he’s still trying. He knows Ilya isn’t going to answer. He knows that.

'The number you’re calling is unavailable' has no right to hit so hard.

The Guardian (UK): Rozanov and the Real Question: What Exactly Do The Olympics Stand For? 
By Sochi correspondent Vanessa Rayez

On Wednesday, the famous, not to mention infamous NHL player Ilya Rozanov went missing from the Olympic Village in Sochi (Russia). Five days into what some try and fail to diplomatically call 'the Rozanov situation', the International Olympic Committee continues to remain incapable of answering the question it has desperately tried to sidestep since Sochi’s selection: what is the price of institutional silence? 

As international pressure mounts, Rozanov himself remains conspiciously absent from the public eye…

Read more

Comments:

SocialWarrior7 · 5h ago 👍 4.6k
So the IOC is useless, surprise, surprise. What I want to know is where is the fucking NHL? Rozanov is their player, isn’t he? What use is the US if they never start waving around the big guns when it matters??

Valeriiie @ice_and_0ut
boston dropping everything to protect their captain. fans dropping everything to protect a man most of us have never met. People everywhere dropping everything for some rando they don’t know. THAT is what sport is all about #rozspotted #thatsmyteam

Antoine @nhl_needs_tobe_better
friendly reminder that there is not a single openly gay active player in the @NHL. not. one. think about that while you're tweeting #RozSpotted

Timo @notherefortheskates
All these athletes standing up for #rozspotted tho… this is the only timeline I wanna live in 💗

Ives @croissantsdoitbetter
Just saw ilya rozanov in front of a subways in toronto? Wtf

↳ Filipp @thatsthewrongright
No way he’s supposed to meet me at the gym in like 10min tell him to get a move on #rozspotted

Right or Left @puckpolitics
Laughing at some of the tweets but also lowkey crying. Everyone out here fabricating alibis for a man because his country criminalizes his existence. And it’s not the only one. I need you all to sit with that for a sec. #RozSpotted

Official NHL Account ✅ @NHL 
Ilya Rozanov is one of ours. The NHL is thinking of him today and every day until he is home safe. #RozSpotted 

↳ Eternal Rozanov Stan @rozanovstanaccount 
too little, wayyy too fucking late motherfuckers

Franco @applesmakebetteroranges
My grandma just called to tell me Rozanov helped her carry bags up her stairs in Lisbon. She wants to adopt him. #RozSpotted 

↳ Patt @snoozinginthethird
there’s an entire hockey team fighting tooths and nails to adopt roz. grandma’s gonna have to get in line #backoff #hesours

↳ ↳ Franco @applesmakebetteroranges
Well what am I supposed to tell her??

↳ ↳ ↳ DeLIrious @verticallychallenged
idk move to boston I guess

↳ ↳ ↳ ↳ Franco @applesmakebetteroranges
Thx that helps

Vinnie @endofthelinehere
I was there, Gandalf. I was there three thousand years ago when Ilya Rozanov appeared in every city around the world within 24 hours #RozSpotted

Practice is a legitimate nightmare.

Cliff knows they can’t spend all their time refreshing their news feeds and staring at their phones with empty eyes, that life moves on and Ilya will be furious with them if they don’t make the most of this break—if all this drama costs them the momentum they have been trying to build all season.

The problem is that Cliff doesn’t give a fuck about the season.

Or, well, no. That’s a lie. He likes hockey and he likes it even better when he wins at it. Sue him. He might not be up there with the game fanatics but he loves playing. Loves the rush. The speed. The fans losing their minds.

He knows Ilya is going to win a cup eventually, probably many, and Cliff wants to be by his side when it happens.

But right now after five days of too little sleep and far too much scrolling, Cliff would settle for not slipping on the ice and breaking his own nose while he’s at it. Because Ilya would be exactly the type of asshole to crawl out of the woodwork just to make fun of Cliff for the rest of his life.

Although if that is what it takes…

Cliff shakes his head as though he can physically dislodge the intrusive thoughts when he catches himself eying the ice a little too contemplatively.

Fuck, he needs Ilya to skate up to him and deliver a scathing comment on his pathetic attempt at defensive work. Coach barks at him but his voice lacks the edge Ilya still hasn’t quite figured out how to sand off—and besides Cliff can tell his heart isn’t in it.

The whole team moves sluggishly, like they are up for Game 7 in the last play-off game but without the adrenaline high of being in the last play-off game. Two of the rookies are falling asleep against each other standing. Their goalie has almost knocked himself out on the goal post, while no one else is even in the defensive zone.

It’s an embarrassment, is what it is.

Cliff is embarrassed for all of them. At this rate, Ilya will regret ever having signed to this joke of a team.

Cliff blinks against the stupid water in his eyes and tries to shake off the lethargy, the hopelessness he can’t allow himself to feel. The team needs him to be confident. Ilya needs him to step up. Coach needs him to do the job he is paid to do.

So Cliff does.

Somehow they get through two hours of drills they should all be able to do in their sleep. It takes a lot more effort than it should.

When Coach LeClaire finally lets them go—after another stern reminder not to engage with any reporters nor get goaded into saying anything stupid online—Cliff breathes a sigh of relief. He is not the only one.

See, Roz? We fucking need you. What the fuck are you waiting for? Answer your fucking phone.

"The number you are calling is unavailable."

Chapter End Notes

Cliff knowing one (1) whole second of peace before Ilya deliberately launches him into a new spiral (affectionate) is so important to me.

It is also important to me that you know that I did not plan the Crowell hate, it just came naturally.

Hayden not knowing that years from now his harmless, little joke can and will be used against him.

Also Ilya has finally entered the narrative and believe me, he has not seen Scott's tweets yet.

---

You may notice that this work now has 4 chapters instead of the initial 3. The story itself is mostly finished here but I did want to address some (really just a very tiny amount) of the aftermath. Don't expect another long chapter or detailed chronicles of the fallout—but do expect to watch Ilya reenter the social media sphere with all the grace and demureness we would expect.

(It is also now part of a series because my brain is already quietly chewing on a companion piece through Carter's eyes and some of the things Ilya & Shane will get up to after the initial shock of this nightmare settles. But we'll see.)

I hope you enjoyed this chapter. I had a lot of fun with the different media stuff, as you may have noticed, though I did draw the line at the Twitter coding. Maybe if I stumble upon a workskin I like. If it's not as readable as the previous parts and you know a code though, please don't hesitate to let me know.

If you'd like to connect and/or shout some HR headcanons or prompts my way, you can find me as on Tumblr.

And if you enjoy my writing style in general I am also writing a fictional newsletter story told through actual emails. It's not part of any fandom but my own world. One where superhero is a corporate job, supervillain attacks are a regular hazard for the monthly budget and the local marketing intern is absolutely not paid enough and in dire need of a strong coffee but is along for the ride anyway.

You can check out all previous newsletters as posts on kit, starting with the first one: xerxestogo: This is not a drill to find out if that's something you might enjoy.

---

Finally because this fandom has so many great fanfics, here are some of my recent favorites in case you don't know what to read next:

desperate measures (the 2021-2022 season) by LiarsandThieves22:
Follows Shane's first season as a centaur. The second and third part in the series contain mixed media which I love, especially with how well it's implemented, but can I just say I fell in love with the first part (which does not have any as far as I remember) is how soft it is and how beautifully supportive Shane and Ilya both are of each other. Also in later parts the Crowell comeuppance is just *chefs kiss*

all the stars aligned by heydoeydoey:
So this series (at the moment it's mostly one part but I have high hopes that it will grow) has at its core one of my all-time favorite tropes that I cannot tell you without spoiling it (though I think you'll catch on pretty soon while reading). HOWEVER I just really adore the way Shane, after putting all that effort into their 10 year plan, just literally snaps on his very first day. And I love, love, love the way they both handle it. Do I wish we had seen a bit more of Ilya's side (and by "Ilya's side" I mean the Bears group chats) yes, I do. But that's because I'm obsessed with the Bears (again, not doing much to hide it) and so can never have enough of them. Anyway, this series is what the alternative to the long game looks like and, frankly, it's beautiful.

the sum of its parts by FlameHazel18
Another brilliant series with three wonderful chat and social media fics. I love the idea of a player walkout, okay, Hollanov deserves more support and I just want there to be more decent people all over, even if it is in a fictional world. Also Ilya 'i choose or something' Rozanov in the second installment is everything to me. Plus the love for the Admirals. A fun and feel-good read all the way.

Chapter 4: Return

Chapter Summary

Ilya Rozanov ✅ @theilyarozanov 
the wildlife is the real threat #rozspotted

It takes an average of one (1) post from Ilya Rozanov to break the internet, recent study finds.

(Don't worry, that doesn't stop him. Worry about Cliff's sanity instead. And the goose. Everyone should be worried about the goose.)

Chapter Notes

Just one more short chapter, she said...

everyone in the comments: can't wait to see the fallout from scott's tweets!!

me, writing the 104th tweet about a canada goose to further my newly discovered personal agenda to convince you all that the canado goose is ilya's spirit animal: uhu sure, i'll try to work that in somewhere :)

For the first time in five days, Cliff sleeps through the night.

Ilya Rozanov ✅ @theilyarozanov 
the wildlife is the real threat #rozspotted

*slightly blurry picture of a canada goose standing on ice staring straight into the camera*

↳ Lorraine @puckbunny1987 
HE POSTED. HE POSTED. HE POSTED. HE PO 

↳ <3 my team <3 @alwaysforthebostonbears 
screaming crying throwing up he's okay he's OKAY he posted a bird?? HE’S OKAY ❤️❤️❤️

↳ ↳ ChiChi @hockayonsticks332211
 ok but that bird tho. is he really okay or is it a cry for help

↳ ↳ ↳ Marco Delacroix ✅ @delacroix43official  
 if it is i’m out. i’m not getting between cap and that bird

↳ ↳ ↳ ↳ karlaaa @detroitpuckbabe65
 this team really saying they gonna throw down with russia for their captain but draw the line at a single goose, you heard it here first 😭😭

↳ ↳ ↳ ↳ ↳ CC ✅ @connorconnorsofficial 
 nothing wrong with picking your battles

↳ older than hockey @nhl_cryptid 
that goose looks like it's reconsidering all its life decisions. i have never felt more seen by a bird.


↳ Bex here @rebeccawithoutak  
Am I the only one who took one look at that picture and screamed JESUS GOOSE at the top of her lungs?

↳ ↳ ChiChi @hockayonsticks332211
 jesus goose i cant even 🤣🤣🤣

↳ 81 forevaaa @td_garden_rowdie  
i have been refreshing this account for 123 hours and now there’s a goose. a goose. i need to sit down. 

↳ You’re out @sinbinphilosophy 
the goose is standing on ice and looks furious about it. rozanov posted his spirit animal and nothing else. this is art. 

↳ Shane Hollander ✅ @shanehollanderhockeyplayer
#RozSpotted in his natural habitat.

↳ ↳ Jordan @hollanderdoesitbetter
the fact that hollander replied within four minutes to this tweet. he was watching. 

↳ ↳ The Ilya & Shane Manifest @hollanov_nation
HOLLANOV NATION RISE UP

↳ Ryan Carmichael ✅ @mickycarmichael 
i made up 231 rumors for you and you LEFT ME ON READ. i hope the goose bit you

 ↳ ↳ CC ✅ @connorconnorsofficial 
 it definitely did. look at its eyes. i know that look

 ↳ ↳ CC ✅ @connorconnorsofficial 
 also 231? embarrassing. i know rookies who put in more effort than this #bornforthismyass

↳ Han Soloism @puttingtheLinhockey 
I need you to stay calm when I say this: the goose. the CANADA goose. he is in CANADA. he is SAFE!!

↳ ↳ Estella @sexpectedroz 
honey canada doesn’t keep that bird locked behind their border

↳ ↳ ↳ Han Soloism @puttingtheLinhockey 
 who invited rationality into this house? not me i can tell you that much

↳ ↳ ↳ Trisha @wildiceskaaaatinghere
 believe me, we can tell

↳ Mateo @flyinghiiiiigher
no you don’t understand. a canado goose doesn’t move. YOU move.

↳ ↳ curl lover @humannutellaneeded
rozanov is a canada goose: confirmed

↳ Mrs Rozanov @marshaontheruuuun  
okay first of all he's alive. second of all that goose has the same energy as rozanov in a post-game interview and i will not be taking questions.

ESPN ✅ @espn 
Breaking: Rozanov has posted on social media for the first time since his disappearance from the Olympic Village. The post features a photograph of a canada goose. His location remains unconfirmed. 

↳ Vincent @commonsenseishard
What do you mean “unconfirmed”? It’s a /canada/ goose what more do you need?

↳ ↳ Kor @minnesota_hockey_fan 
EXCUSE ME. Canada geese don’t just live in canada. I have five of them in my backyard in minnesota right now and guess what I’m not seeing rozanov anywhere #RozSpotted

↳ ↳ ↳ Georgie @wilderthanwild 
why are you like this

↳ ↳ ↳ ↳ Kor @minnesota_hockey_fan 
I'm just saying where’s the evidence

↳ ↳ ↳ ↳ ↳ ↳ 81 forevaaa @td_garden_rowdie  
the evidence is vibes and they’ve chosen canada

↳ ↳ ↳ ↳ ↳ ↳ ↳ Kor @minnesota_hockey_fan 
that is not how evidence works

↳ ↳ ↳ ↳ ↳ ↳ ↳ ↳ 81 forevaaa @td_garden_rowdie  
and yet

Picking Brains @flocks_of_a_feather
as someone who studies waterfowl I can confirm that canada geese are year-round residents in a lot of places including massachusetts, new york, pennsylvania, ohio, michigan, minnesota and most of urban canada

↳ Eternal Rozanov Stan @rozanovstanaccount  
the bird scientists are here and they are not helping

↳ ↳ Picking Brains @flocks_of_a_feather
I'm just being accurate

↳ ↳ ↳ Jasmin @thehollanovagenda  
we don't want accurate we want to believe he's in canada

↳ ↳ ↳ ↳ Picking Brains @flocks_of_a_feather
well, he could be in canada. the canada goose just doesn’t prove it

↳ ↳ ↳ ↳ ↳ Jasmin @thehollanovagenda  
eh, i’ll take it

Barry @detroitisbetterthanyou
Alright. I just googled it and canada geese are everywhere. He could literally be in detroit right now eating a coney dog.

↳ hiii and byeeeeee @russianlovemachine91  
this is the most surreal sentence I've read this week and it's been A WEEK

↳ ↳ Barry @detroitisbetterthanyou
I'm just saying the goose doesn't lie but it also doesn't specify

↳ ↳ ↳ Marie-Luise @GoalieGirlBoss 
"the goose doesn't lie but it also doesn't specify" will be the title of my autobiography

↳ ↳ ↳ Marie-Luise @GoalieGirlBoss
because this man is gonna kill me

↳ He’s sexy and we know it @ilyarozanovsrightpec  
okay but why would he be in detroit

↳ ↳ Barry @detroitisbetterthanyou
why wouldn’t he be in detroit??

↳ ↳ ↳ He’s sexy and we know it @ilyarozanovsrightpec
it's detroit

Wayne @torontoguardiansftw
but realistically if he flew to canada he’d have landed in toronto, vancouver, montréal or calgary. pick your poison i guess.

↳ Jasmin @thehollanovagenda  
it's montreal. the plot demands montreal.

↳ ↳ Wayne @torontoguardiansftw
the plot doesn’t get a vote

↳ ↳ ↳ Jasmin @thehollanovagenda  
it absolutely does

TMZ ✅ @tmz 
🚨 ROZANOV FOUND. TWEETS GOOSE PIC FROM UNKNOWN LOCATION 🚨

↳ Sonja @queerer_than_you 
The villain returns to cover the resolution. Unbelievable. Why don’t you do something useful like delete this account and your entire website?

↳ Ethican @morally_ambilicious 
never forgive never forget #RozSpotted

Sainty ✅ @victorstsimon 
spotted: my first full night of sleep #welcomebackroz

*blurry photo of a dark Boston street*

CBC Sports ✅ @cbcsports
Rozanov may or may not have arrived in Canada, based on what we can only describe as geese-related evidence. The goose in question was unavailable for comment. #RozSpotted

Found one @TorontoGooseWatch 
We believe we may have identified the individual goose in question. She is a known resident of the High Park. Her name is Gwendolyn. She is unimpressed with all of you.

↳ older than hockey @nhl_cryptid 
GWENDOLYN. THE GOOSE HAS A NAME.

↳ Alice @watchwhereimgoing
i would die for gwendolyn 

↳ Ryan Carmichael ✅ @mickycarmichael
gwendolyn has more character than some people i could name

↳ ↳ Cliff Marlow ✅ @realcliffmarlow
@mickycarmichael don't start

↳ ↳ ↳ Ryan Carmichael ✅ @mickycarmichael
i said what i said

Caleb @randomcanadianinthewoods
a goose welcomed him. he is one of us now. gwendolyn has spoken. 🇨🇦 #RozSpotted 

↳ Lucy @lucylikespenalties
and we’re keeping him. russia can fuck right off

Gwendolyn @PresidentGwendolynSpeaking
one of our agents has made contact with the subject. negotiations ongoing. further updates as the situation develops. #rozspotted

Hot athletes @onlyhereforthethirsttraps
what’s going on? why is everyone freaking out about a goose???

↳ totally zen @puckpuckbaby
ROZANOV POSTED A CANADA GOOSE. HE IS SAFE. THE GOOSE TOLD US.

↳ ↳ Hot athletes @onlyhereforthethirsttraps
ok? go goose I guess??

↳ ↳ ↳ Marie-Luise @GoalieGirlBoss
"go goose I guess" is the perfect tag line for this shitshow

CWA ✅ @CanadianWildlifeAssociation
You have great taste in wildlife subjects! We’re always happy to talk about the lovely Canada Goose (Branta canadensis) and since many (many, many) people seem interested today, here is a thread:

🔁 Ilya Rozanov ✅ @theilyarozanov
the wildlife is the real threat #rozspotted

*slightly blurry picture of a canada goose standing on ice staring straight into the camera*

↳ CWA ✅ @CanadianWildlifeAssociation
1/ First things first: there is not one Canada Goose. There are seven recognized subspecies ranging from the Giant Canada Goose to the perpetually insulted Lesser Canada Goose, which is understandable given their name. The Cackling Goose on the other hand got reclassified as a separate species in 2004 and is still smug about it. Based on size and markings, your photograph appears to show a Giant Canada Goose. 🪿 

CWA ✅ @CanadianWildlifeAssociation
2/ The Giant Canada Goose typically weighs around 5 kg (11 lbs) and has a wingspan of up to 1.85 m (75 in). They were believed to be extinct in the early 20th century until a wild population was rediscovered in Minnesota in 1962. They have been making up for lost time ever since, as anyone who tries to cross a parking lot in southern Ontario can attest. 🪿 

CWA ✅ @CanadianWildlifeAssociation
3/ The goose in your photograph is standing on ice, which brings us to one of our favorite Canada Goose facts. Their feet should be a significant liability in cold weather. BUT Canada Geese have a counter-current heat exchange system in their legs: warm arterial blood flows down and heats up the cold venous blood that's flowing up. This is how they prevent dangerous heat loss.🪿

CWA ✅ @CanadianWildlifeAssociation
4/ As for why this goose is in an urban environment in February rather than somewhere more sensible: a significant proportion of Canada Geese in urban and suburban areas have actually stopped migrating. They have assessed the benefits of civilization (i.e. reliable food sources, open water and grass land maintained by heat runoff, no predators) and made a calculated decision to stay year-round. Not to say that they’re smarter than us. Just not to not say it either. 🪿 

CWA ✅ @CanadianWildlifeAssociation
5/ The expression on your goose, which one of our volunteers has described as "that bird has made several questionable decisions and is fully committed to them", is very characteristic. Canada Geese are highly intelligent, socially complex and well-aware that they have the upper hand in most situations. This has not made them humble. 🪿 

CWA ✅ @CanadianWildlifeAssociation
6/ On the subject of "wildlife is the real threat" we respectfully agree. Canada Geese are famously assertive in defense of their territory and are responsible for an impressive number of human injuries every year. They are not aggressive without reason but their threshold is lower than most expect and their follow-through is considerable. 🪿

CWA ✅ @CanadianWildlifeAssociation
7/ If you encounter an aggressive Canada Goose: maintain eye contact and back away slowly. Do not turn your back. Do not run. Running communicates that you have accepted the terms of the conflict and the goose has won. They will remember this. Canada Geese mate for life and hold grudges for approximately the same amount of time. 🪿

CWA ✅ @CanadianWildlifeAssociation
8/ And since several people asked: Canada Geese are year-round residents in most of Canada, the northern and central United States and can even be found in parts of Europe. As such this picture could have been taken in any number of locations. Sadly we cannot narrow it down any further. 🪿

CWA ✅ @CanadianWildlifeAssociation
9/9 Thank you for coming to our unplanned Canada Goose thread. We don't know what brought so many of you here today and we have decided not to question it because our engagement numbers are doing things we have never seen them do. And, of course, the goose does not care why you are here. The goose has never cared. 🪿

↳ Martin @bostonstrue81
“This has not made them humble” not rozanov getting called out by the local wildlife experts

↳ Bostn Babe @dunkin_alwayys
this is genuinely the funniest and most unsettling thing i’ve read today

↳ ↳ Martin @bostonstrue81
just today?

↳ ↳ ↳ Bostn Babe @dunkin_alwayys
I’m sorry where have you been this last week???

↳ ↳ ↳ ↳ Martin @bostonstrue81
you know what, that’s fair

↳ You’re out @sinbinphilosophy
The cwa just described the canada geese as “well-aware that they have the upper hand in most situations” and I need everyone to understand that /that/ is how rozanov plays hockey. aware and NOT humble about it.

↳ older than hockey @nhl_cryptid
"They are not aggressive without reason but their threshold is lower than most expect and their follow-through is considerable." rozanov. the wildlife account is describing rozanov and they don't even know it.

↳ Best of Roz @rozanovadarling
ilya rozanov is at heart a giant canada goose, in this essay I will

↳ Mrs Rozanov @marshaontheruuuun
"the goose does not care why you're here. the goose has never cared." this is the conclusion of of five days of international panic over #rozspotted written by a random volunteer with no idea what’s happening. no i am not okay.

↳ ↳ Dean @td_garden_views
we found the tweet of the year. it's february.

↳ ↳ ↳ Isaac @fourth_line_feelings
nothing will top it. i'm calling it now. everybody go home.

↳ hiii and byeeeeee @russianlovemachine91
the grudge line is so specific i choked on my coffee

↳ ↳ Marie-Luise @GoalieGirlBoss
for real if you’ve ever watched rozanov play you know he doesn’t forget. not in the next game. not in the next SEASON. the goose and the man are one. 

↳ Ethican @morally_ambilicious
is it just me or is being fully committed to questionable decisions very roz?

↳ Robert @actually_a_lawyer
rozanov is being compared to a 11 pound bird and honestly the comparison holds

↳ ↳ Marco Delacroix ✅ @delacroix43official
I'm telling him you said that

↳ ↳ ↳ Robert @actually_a_lawyer
please don't

↳ ↳ ↳ ↳ CC ✅ @connorconnorsofficial
too late

↳ CWA ✅ @CanadianWildlifeAssociation
Someone needs to explain this hockey player to us at some point. The geese may not care but we humans are a little confused.

↳ ↳ Eternal Rozanov Stan @rozanovstanaccount
oh boy, buckle up bestie

Gabe @birdsonthehorizon46
I need us all to acknowledge that the Canadian Wildlife Association has done more rigorous investigative work identifying this bird than 90% of the journalists currently covering Roz’ story 

Caleb @randomcanadianinthewoods
okay inspired by this entire situation I am posting my local canada goose and tagging it #GooseSpotted because if the goose can find rozanov the goose can find anything 🪿

*picture of a canada goose in a Canadian Tire parking lot*

Sean @firstlineenergy
I have been defeated #GooseSpotted 🪿 

*picture of a goose blocking a crosswalk*

Amber @safestmiddleofnowhere
solidarity with the montreal geese who are doing their best under difficult circumstances #GooseSpotted 🪿 

*picture of three geese standing on ice in the St. Lawrence River looking profoundly unimpressed*

Gwendolyn @PresidentGwendolynSpeaking
we have been monitoring the situation. #GooseSpotted is now under our jurisdiction. further updates will follow whether you care or not. we certainly don’t. 🪿 

Kor @minnesota_hockey_fan
minnesota solidarity. we have approximately one million geese. they are all accounted for and furious about it. #GooseSpotted 🪿 

Erica @ericalovesthis
#GooseSpotted

*picture of a bird mid-flight*

↳ Billy @somethingoranother
That’s a pigeon erica

↳ ↳ Erica @ericalovesthis
HONORARY GOOSE SPOTTED

Caleb @randomcanadianinthewoods
just donated to the canadian wildlife association because of the goose thread. i regret nothing 🪿🇨🇦

↳ CWA ✅ @CanadianWildlifeAssociation
To be transparent we have received more donations in the past five hours than in the previous three months combined and we are not sure how to process this. The geese are doing very well as a result. Thank you.

↳ ↳ You’re out @sinbinphilosophy
rozanov has accidentally funded canadian wildlife conservation

↳ ↳ Lucy @lucylikespenalties
this is the most canadian plot twist during an international incident

CWA ✅ @CanadianWildlifeAssociation
Today was strange and wonderful. I still don't really understand why so many of you are here. But the canada goose is an extraordinary animal that most people dismiss or find annoying and today a lot of people looked at one and saw something worth paying attention to. That is what we are here for.
Goodnight. Please come back on Thursday for the beavers. 🪿🦫

↳ Mattias Kane ✅ @mattiaskanenhl
I will be here for the beavers

↳ ↳ older than hockey @nhl_cryptid 
We all will

↳ hiii and byeeeeee @russianlovemachine91  
the roz parallels keep breaking my heart 💔 thanks for that i guess

Ironically knowing that Ilya is using his phone again makes the call button harder to press.

Cliff finds himself staring at it for longer than he should before he finally talks himself into clicking on it. Feels his heart rate go up in those few, eternal seconds before the call connects. Can hear the automated voice with such clarity that he almost drops his phone in surprise when the dial sound comes through instead.

It rings for long enough that Cliff has time to cuss out Roz in his head and is half-way through composing an angry message about the importance of answering your phone when you’ve been worrying your best friend sick for almost a week when the repetitive sound suddenly stops.

"Marly?"

"Roz." Cliff startles, thrown off mid-mental-rant for a precious moment before his brain kicks back into gear. His growing frustration over the lack of any useful information from Roz—who is apparently too busy trolling the internet with a goose of all things to confirm that he is fucking safe—over the past couple of hours, it turns out, is no match for the rib-breaking relief at finally hearing Ilya’s voice. "Fucking finally, man. You have no idea how good it is to hear your voice."

"Oh? Did not know you are into that. We need to find you woman with deeper voice then?"

Cliff laughs because he can’t not. Because the relief is like a balloon being pumped full of air, growing with every bullshit word Roz is saying until there’s no longer enough room inside Cliff’s chest to keep it contained. Until it feels like it is lighting up Cliff’s nerves from the inside out, like he is on the ice, watching Roz watch the puck, waiting for that first twitch, the first motion, every cell in his body screaming that he has to move.

It’s not funny. Nothing about any of this is funny. No matter how many memes Micky is sending him every day.

But he can’t stop.

"Fuck you, man."

His breath catches on the words, something shaky twisting them into a tone Cliff isn’t sure he is comfortable with.

"What?" Ilya needles. Incapable of letting go once he’s found something to latch onto like the asshole he is. "You get shy now? Or you don’t want woman? Maybe you like man more."

And the thing is, Cliff knows this dance. Maybe not these exact words but he has had this conversation in one shape or another for as long as he has known Ilya. Jokes and sexual innuendo and teasing, often a little too crass to be comfortable, like a dare that hasn’t been issued yet.

He knows what he is supposed to say. How they’re gonna get through this conversation the same way they’ve handled a dozen other chats, bullshitting so much and saying nothing at all.

But.

But.

This isn’t hanging out after a game, talking shit at some low-lit bar because it’s familiar and safe and comfortable. This isn’t chilling on Cliff’s ridiculously comfortable couch, tossing insults back and forth that neither of them is going to take too hard, are meant to fill the silence because that’s a form of comfort they both understand.

And maybe—because Cliff has spent five days worrying for his friend, but he has also spent five nights turning conversations over in his head until he was looking at them inside out, running through jokes he’s watched Ilya laugh off and the ones he didn’t, reevaluating every dance floor and every broken curfew—it’s never been just talking shit. Maybe part of it has been the language barrier but maybe Ilya has also used that, leaned into it, to throw out comments that have startled an entire locker room into silence on more than one occasion.

Not to shock. Not to horrify.

To see who laughs. To see who sneers.

Maybe it’s never been as safe as it felt at the time—not for Ilya.

The thought makes Cliff’s stomach turn.

"Marly?" Ilya asks, which is how Cliff knows he’s been silent for too long. Has missed his step in their routine and thrown the entire dance off-course.

"Shit, Ilya." He breathes. It doesn’t feel as steady as it should. "You scared the shit out of me."

There’s a moment of silence that lasts long enough for Cliff to realize with a sharp-edged clarity that they don’t do this. Their friendship is built on keeping things light and unemotional, on handing each other a convenient distraction because that is what they’re good at.

"Oh," Ilya says.

Cliff laughs again. He definitely sounds hysterical. "Yeah. Oh."

Sucks another breath in through his teeth.

"The tape was bad enough. But knowing you’re in another country on the other side of the Atlantic and being unable to help, to have your fucking back- fuck, man. That shit must have sucked so bad. I can’t imagine it. I’m so fucking sorry that it happened. That you had to go through that. That I couldn’t be there to help. You didn’t deserve that."

"You, ah, you did help," Ilya murmurs after a few moments. His accent is heavier than Cliff has heard in a long time. "I saw tweets."

Cliff scoffs. "That was the bare minimum. You’re our captain. Like fuck were we just gonna sit back and twiddle our thumbs while your own freaking country was hunting you down."

"Even when I fuck men?"

It should be a question but sounds more like a challenge. Cliff has the sudden, nonsensical urge to reach through the phone and shake Roz on the other side. Or maybe hug him.

Probably hug him.

"Ilya." He tries to keep the exasperation at bay but isn’t sure he manages it. "The only times I’ve cared who you fuck was when I was in bed with them."

Which has happened, though it’s never been about the two of them together, so Cliff just… hasn’t thought much about it, to be honest.

"I meant what I wrote. I don’t care if you fuck men. I don’t care if you only fuck men. I don’t care if you never touch another man again. It’s your business, man. You’re my best friend. All I care about is that you’re happy and safe."

Fuck if his voice doesn’t shake but Cliff has to get the words out. He needs Ilya to hear him. To believe him.

"I love you."

It’s kind of hard to make out over the phone but Cliff thinks he hears Ilya sniffle, interspersed by the occasional muttering in Russian that he has no hope of deciphering.

"Love you too," Ilya finally says in a thick voice.

Cliff determinedly blinks the tears out of his own eyes and somehow manages to resist the temptation to make a quip about how he thought that 'Russians don’t cry' to break the moment. He wants to break the moment, badly, because he is so not qualified for any of this shit but the moment feels too important to break.  

So he compromises.

"You got out of Russia, right? Are you safe now?"

"Da," Ilya confirms.

Cliff has known, assumed, hoped as much of course but the clear confirmation cuts through a tension he hadn’t even realized he was still carrying.

"Good. I’m glad." Cliff pauses.  

Decides he might as well ask. If only so he won’t have to listen to Carmichael’s whining later on.

"And Canada?"

This time the barrage of words that spills out of Ilya is one Cliff knows well, even though he has slipped back into Russian. You cannot share the ice with Ilya for more than a year without picking up on a healthy amount of Russian swear words.

"How was I supposed to know stupid bird comes with canada flag?" is how Ilya finally ends his tirade. "Is just bird with beak and feathers. Not even stupid loon. And Canadians are polite, no? This bird is not polite. Marly. It is least Canada bird I’ve met. Is insult. Or maybe all Canadians are secret assholes. That would make more sense."

It takes a moment for Cliff to process all that—or just deciding not to process—but then he manages a genuine chuckle. "Tricked by a bird. Gotta say, Roz, that’s a new one." Then, because Cliff isn’t that easy to distract, despite what Victor likes to claim, "what made you pick Canada?"

Why not come to Boston?

"I was not thinking good," Ilya says slowly. Like he’s picking his words carefully. Or struggles to remember his English.

Cliff considers that. "Does that mean… you are with Jane?"

He’s not sure if he’s supposed to ask. If he’s allowed to. Ilya hasn’t answered any of the guys’ questions in the chats. He’s notoriously tight-lipped about this girl and that was before he had to flee a country like they’re in a fucking spy movie. Still feels surreal when Cliff thinks about it too much.

Surreal. And horrifying.

"Yes. No." A pause. "Jane is busy with work. But she has… offered me place. Where no one would look. So I am safe."

Cliff bites his tongue hard. Busy with work? After how close she’s come to never seeing Ilya again, you’d think—

No.

He cuts the thought off. He can rant about that later, preferably to Connors, who knows how to keep his mouth shut. Unlike other people Cliff could name. He doesn’t know much about Jane—doesn’t know anything, really—but Ilya ran to her.

He’s not gonna appreciate Cliff talking shit about her right now.

"Good," Cliff says instead. "Are you gonna stay at hers?"

"I-" Another curse. "I don’t know."

Ilya sounds tired. Lost.

Cliff hates it.

"You could always take the next flight to Boston," he suggests lightly. "Fair warning though, the team will dogpile you and at least two rookies will cry."

Also Cliff will be sleeping on his couch, but Ilya doesn’t need to know that. He’ll find out soon enough.

Ilya huffs something that’s hopefully a laugh. "Da," he says but it doesn’t sound like an agreement.

It makes Cliff wonder. "Have you talked to Coach?"

It’s quiet for so long, Cliff checks his phone to see if the connection has been cut.

"Not yet."

Yes. Ilya is going to get a hug the second he gets within arm reach. Cliff doesn’t give a fuck if ‘Russians do not do this’. Ilya will be lucky if he ever lets the man out of his sight again. Jane will just have to learn to share.

"You should call him." Cliff makes sure to keep his voice light. "He’s… I don’t think he’s gonna be a problem. He blocked the league when Crowell tried to shut our tweets down. I don’t know about the GM and ownership but I haven’t heard anything alarming from Lara. I don’t think this is gonna be as bad as it could be. And if it is, you need to know that the team’s behind you. The room is yours. It’s gonna stay yours."

Cliff is going to make sure of it. One way or another.

Ilya makes a soft sound that could mean anything. Cliff lets it go.

He’s said his part. Hopes Ilya can hear how much he means it even through the phone. But even if he doesn’t believe it, Cliff will just have to show him once they’ve gotten him back in their city. Where he belongs.

"Jane will be back in a few days."

"Okay. You gonna stay until then?" Cliff wouldn’t blame him. He doesn’t know what management will make of it but, frankly, Ilya deserves some time with someone who cares about him. Even if they apparently don't care enough to prioritize his life over work.

Ilya hums.

Really, he is lucky Cliff has a soft spot for the asshole.

"You’re a good friend, Marly."

"Duh." Cliff snorts. "Don’t you forget it. You owe me so many drinks. And you’re gonna be my wingman for every roadie. Except Montréal maybe."

That at least makes Ilya laugh.

Cliff hasn’t realized how much he’s been waiting for that sound until the last tension seeps out of his body and he finally starts to believe that maybe it really will be alright.

Ilya Rozanov ✅ @theilyarozanov
in personal matters: still here

↳ hiii and byeeeeee @russianlovemachine91
still here, he says. WHERE IS HERE????

↳ Eternal Rozanov Stan @rozanovstanaccount
love how you can tell just how pissed he is lmao

↳ ↳ Ric @bearsdoitbetter
 he always tweets like that?

↳ ↳ ↳ Eternal Rozanov Stan @rozanovstanaccount
 exactly

↳ Jamie from down the block @bostonattheblueline
the most important message i’ve seen today and the only one that matters ❤️❤️❤️

↳ thats my hot angry russian baby @hotforrozanov
that’s my king

↳ Ethican @morally_ambilicious
i hope this tweet found the nhl unwell and i hope they fucking chocked on it

[@theilyarozanov has liked this]

↳ ↳ Mrs Rozanov @marshaontheruuuun
we are so fucking back

↳ ↳ Eternal Rozanov Stan @rozanovstanaccount
no one does petty like ilya mf rozanov and i love him for it

↳ 81 forevaaa @td_garden_rowdie
where’s the goose tho? inquiring minds want to know

↳ CWA ✅ @CanadianWildlifeAssociation
After doing some more reading, we would like to add that when the canada goose decides to be somewhere, it is notoriously difficult to remove from that location. 

↳ ↳ You’re out @sinbinphilosophy
the wildlife people are at it again

↳ ↳ Best of Roz @rozanovadarling
someone briefed them on the situation. I repeat SOMEONE BRIEFED THEM ON THE SITUATION

↳ ↳ older than hockey @nhl_cryptid
this time they know exactly what they’re doing

↳ ↳ ↳ CWA ✅ @CanadianWildlifeAssociation
We are just talking about geese.

↳ ↳ ↳ ↳ Caleb @randomcanadianinthewoods
you’re not fooling anyone

↳ ↳ ↳ ↳ ↳ CWA ✅ @CanadianWildlifeAssociation
🪿

↳ BOSTON FTW @onceabearalwaysabear
sooo are we done with russia? are we fighting the nhl now?

↳ ↳ 81 forevaaa @td_garden_rowdie
not yet

[@theilyarozanov has liked this]

↳ ↳ ↳ 81 forevaaa @td_garden_rowdie
EXCUSE ME

↳ ↳ ↳ thats my hot angry russian baby @hotforrozanov
not YET you heard it here first

↳ ↳ ↳ Mrs Rozanov @marshaontheruuuun
someone pray for the bears legal team, they’re in for a rough ride

↳ Sainty ✅ @victorstsimon
@realcliffmarlow take his phone away

↳ ↳ Cliff Marlow ✅ @realcliffmarlow
How is this MY responsibility? And how am I even supposed to do that???

↳ ↳ ↳ CC ✅ @connorconnorsofficial
find the duck

↳ ↳ ↳ ↳ thats my hot angry russian baby @hotforrozanov
“find the duck” i’m crying

↳ ↳ ↳ ↳ Hi Gwendolyn @neversawacanadagoose
SIR gwendolyn is a goose and proud of it

Ilya Rozanov ✅ @theilyarozanov
this is blatant bi erasure and i will not stand for it 

*picture of very angry canada goose hissing at the camera*

🔁 TMZ ✅ @tmz
‼️ Gay Russian hockey star on the run in Sochi. The Rozanov story just got a LOT more complicated. Here is everything we know 👇 [link] 

↳ thats my hot angry russian baby @hotforrozanov
this man has not just been outed. he has been outed .incorrectly. and is justifiably pissed about it

↳ Christine @notdiverseenoughbitch
crying in bisexual 🩷💜💙

↳ ↳ Ryan Carmichael ✅ @mickycarmichael
oh. OH

↳ ↳ ↳ Marco Delacroix ✅ @delacroix43official
knew you’d get there

↳ Eternal Rozanov Stan @rozanovstanaccount
this man really out there in the middle of an international crisis hitting the buzzer repeatedly going “nope, wrong, try again”

↳ Lia @puckbunnyforroz
repeat after me: rozanov ✨ is ✨ the ✨ chaotic ✨ bi ✨ disaster ✨ we ✨ deserve ✨

↳ Cliff Marlow ✅ @realcliffmarlow
Just say when and where, brother. I’m right there with you ✊

↳ ↳ Ryan Carmichael ✅ @mickycarmichael
is this what we’re calling "staying professional" now

↳ ↳ ↳ Cliff Marlow ✅ @realcliffmarlow
Just supporting our captain. Professionally.

↳ ↳ ↳ ↳ Ryan Carmichael ✅ @mickycarmichael
fine I’ll be there I guess

↳ ↳ ↳ ↳ ↳ CC ✅ @connorconnorsofficial
he says like he hasn’t been googling bisexual pride flags for half an hour

↳ ↳ ↳ ↳ ↳ ↳ Ryan Carmichael ✅ @mickycarmichael
quality is important!!

↳ ↳ Marco Delacroix ✅ @delacroix43official
as long as we’re not fighting geese, I’m there

↳ ↳ Yannis @realbearsgogrrrrrrrr
We really have the best team and I love that for us

↳ whistle0whistle @bloodontheiceoritdoesntcount
The How Dare You energy is everything to me

↳ Alejandro @bothisbetterkaren
this is so validating tho. no drama. no bravery narrative. just a pointed: we exist. get it right. 🦄 

↳ whut @81ourcaptain81
Ilya Rozanov, out for 2 whole minutes and already a bi icon. THAT’S MY FUCKING CAPTAIN

↳ Logan @whyyareallthehotonesstraight
the representation i didn’t know i needed

↳ apolitical @highschoolhockeybutmeaner
what does it matter, it's still wrong and has no place in the sport 

↳ ↳ devil’s BFF @nothereforyourbibleshit
“the sport” can fuck off

↳ ↳ Markus @bearfansincethe3rdgrade
@highschoolhockeybutmeaner you can fuck off

↳ ↳ You’re out @sinbinphilosophy
the concept that one of the best current players shouldn't be in the sport because of who he sleeps with is so logically bankrupt that I genuinely don't know where to start so I'll just say: he's here and he's staying. as the goose wills it.

↳ ↳ ↳ Hi Gwendolyn @neversawacanadagoose
#AsTheGooseWillsIt

↳ 81 forevaaa @td_garden_rowdie
Like forget about fleeing a country. forget about being outed. dragging the media that made your life a living hell on their lack of fact-checking is more important

↳ ↳ Definitely not Ilya @NotActuallyRoz
I stand by those priorities.

↳ bite harder @doitforthegoose
the geese also don’t stand for bi erasure

↳ ↳ Gwendolyn @PresidentGwendolynSpeaking
Indeed we do not.

↳ Too gay for this @drinksomewaterdude
other queers: *post deeply moving statement about coming to terms with their identity*
rozanov: *posts deeply indignant complaint about sloppy journalism*

↳ ↳ lgbtina @sorryursostupid
this is the bi king energy we deserve

↳ ↳ ↳ bite harder @doitforthegoose
don’t you mean goose energy

↳ ↳ ↳ ↳ lgbtina @sorryursostupid
that too

↳ Jo @humanfloridastorm
lmao he's just gay and doesn’t want to admit it 

↳ ↳ Lee @visibilitymatters
“Just gay and doesn’t want to admit it” is literally the definition of bi erasure. Thank you for the demonstration. I, like Rozanov, will not stand for it.

↳ bi wins all the time @theBinLGBTQ
Speaking for the entire bisexual community: we needed this. We didn’t know we needed this but we did.

↳ Henry @longtimefanboy87
so the NHL is just going to let this guy be some kind of activist now? I miss when hockey was just about the game

↳ ↳ Antoine @nhl_needs_tobe_better
And I miss when people weren’t hunted down for who they are- oh wait

↳ ↳ did not get a doctor title for this @economicallyinvalid
*watching the millions being poured into the NHL every year* just about the game, suuuure

↳ ↳ All or nothing @do_better_nhl
He’s pointing out an error, same as when other players get their stats misreported. That’s not activism. 

↳ ↳ ↳ Henry @longtimefanboy87
I just don’t think personal matters like this should be discussed in public.

↳ ↳ ↳ ↳ next please @nhlpredictionsgonewild
"personal matters" jfc too fucking soon henry

↳ ↳ ↳ ↳ Eternal Rozanov Stan @rozanovstanaccount
he didn’t bring it up. a tabloid outed him against his will, he just corrected their shit reporting. take your complaints to tmz and leave rozanov out of it.

↳ z @toobigforuu
didn't think it was possible for rozanov to be a bigger slut but somehow he finds a way

↳ ↳ Ron @whineawayasshat
careful your jealousy is showing

↳ next please @nhlpredictionsgonewild
i did not have rozanov becoming the first out and loud bi nhl player on my 2014 bingo card and honestly i hate that for past me

↳ ↳ next please @nhlpredictionsgonewild
on the other hand past me did not spend five nights staring at the ceiling waiting for the news that rozanov got arrested and/or killed so you know what he was probably doing alright

↳ Freddie @rozanovshitposts
@CanadianWildlifeAssociation does the goose have an opinion on this?

↳ ↳ CWA ✅ @CanadianWildlifeAssociation
The Canada Goose does not discriminate. It will hiss at anyone, regardless of their sexuality. This, we believe, is true equality.

↳ ↳ ↳ honk honk @geesearetheultimatevillain
i love geese

*picture of a hissing goose*

↳ ↳ ↳ Both is fine too @bisexualforbeginners
the bi mascot we deserve