Rating:

General Audiences

Archive Warning:

No Archive Warnings Apply

Category:

M/M

Fandoms:

Heated Rivalry (TV), Game Changers | Heated Rivalry - All Media Types

Relationships:

Luca Haas/Young, Luca Haas & Young, Luca Haas & Ilya Rozanov, Luca Haas & Ottawa Centaurs Team Ensemble, Bood/Cassie

Characters:

Young (Game Changers), Luca Haas, Ilya Rozanov, Zane Boodram, Cassie Boodram, Troy Barrett, Ottawa Centaurs Team Ensemble (Game Changers), Shane Hollander, Harris Drover, Scott Hunter (Game Changers), Wyatt Hayes

Additional Tags:

Luca Haas-centric, Demisexual Luca Haas, Mentioned Luca Haas, Oblivious Luca Haas, Luca Haas Has a Crush, basically if Rachel Reid wrote book 7 about Luca Haas, young has a crush on Luca haas, Internalized Homophobia, Young Love, First Crush, Eric young doesn't have any gay fairy god fathers so he's just trying to figure it out on his own, Eric young thinks he's the only bisexual hockey player, Book 2: Heated Rivalry (Game Changers), Inspired by Heated Rivalry (TV), Canon Divergence, One Shot, Bisexual Male Character, Miscommunication, just two teenage boys being stupid and not realizing they like eachother, I swear Ilya is so tired of being a gay fairy godfather, Bood is also getting exhausted, Eric Young comes to his senses eventually I promise, He's Just A Little Confused, And also alone, be kind to him, Angst, Fluff and Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Found Family, chosen family, Ottawa Centaurs (Game Changers), Supportive Ottawa Centaurs (Game Changers)

Language:

English

Series:

Part 4 of Growing Outward Series

Stats:

Published: 2026-04-09 Completed: 2026-05-04 Words: 23,241 Chapters: 7/7

Eric Young has a Crush (But He Would Never Call it That)

Summary

5 times that Eric fell for Luca (kinda) (even if he didn't realize it) + the 1 time he realized he needed to do something about it.

...and maybe a bonus chapter of him coming out to Bood and Cassie

Notes

You guys had so many requests for me to write more from Eric's POV so here we are! I tried to capture a lot of your requests in this one fic but always happy to write more <3

Thank you for all of the love on this little series / world that I've built! It brings me so much happiness :)

Chapter 1: Nice to Meet You

Chapter Summary

Note: This chapter takes place before Chapter 1 of the main fic. 

Ottawa, September 2020

Eric Young was uncharacteristically nervous when he arrived in Ottawa for training camp. He figured that was probably a normal feeling to have as he sat in the back of an Uber that smelled faintly of cigarette smoke and pine air freshener. He’d never been this far away from his grandparents before and, if he was being honest, he would’ve chosen a much more interesting travel destination than Ontario. He was starting to understand why people back in British Columbia made fun of it; it was an odd combination of big city and small town but with no mountains in the distance and too much construction to make sense of. 

When the Uber pulled up outside of a large Mariotte Inn, Eric quickly thanked the driver and grabbed his suitcase and gear out of the trunk. He took a steadying breath before walking into the lobby. He was immediately welcomed by a very smiley looking man wearing a grey Centaurs polo and a hat with a few too many pins on it. 

“Hey, are you here for training camp?” He asked kindly. Eric looked down at his large hockey bag and then back up at the man.

“Is it that obvious?” He joked before he could stop himself.

The man laughed which made Eric feel a bit relieved.

“Yes, it definitely is. Come on over, we’ll get you checked in.” He waved Eric over to a pop-up table that was surrounded by a large welcome banner and balloons, all in the Centaurs colours. It was sort of a lot to take in but Eric tried his best to appear calm as the man settled himself behind a laptop.

“Name?” He asked.

“Oh, uh, Eric. Eric Young.” He stammered.

“Eric Eric Young, got it.” The man joked back, already typing in his name. Eric smirked. He liked this guy, whoever he was, “I’m Harris, full-time social media manager, part-time welcoming committee.”

Ah, Harris.

“Well you’re doing a great job, Harris.” Eric complimented. 

Harris beamed as he hit enter on his laptop.

“Here you are. Okay, you’re rooming with Luca in room 412. He actually just got here about 10 minutes ago, nice kid. I think you’ll like him.”

Eric sure hoped so as he watched Harris rummage through a stack of alphabetized name tags on the table. There were so many, at least 30, and that didn’t include the many that had likely already been claimed by other players. It made the nerves in Eric’s gut flutter. He didn’t have much time to worry about it before Harris quickly found his nametag and attached it to, you guessed it, a Centaurs branded lanyard. He held it out to Eric with a smile.

“This is for you.” Eric took it from him and immediately threw it over his head, “You can get your room key from the concierge over there. The welcome dinner is at 6pm, dress code casual, so don’t worry too much about that. You’ll get more details about your schedule then but until then, you’re free to do whatever you want.”

Eric let go of a breath he hadn’t realized he was holding.

“Thank you, Harris.” He smiled appreciatively at the bubbly man and then turned back to his bags. He lingered for a moment before asking, “Will you be at the dinner?”

It sounded sort of childish coming out of his mouth but a small part of him hoped that Harris would be there. He had a sort of calming energy that Eric really needed right now. 

“I will! And so will the coaches, management, owners...” He folded his arms onto the table, “But no players. Don’t want to freak you guys out too much before your first day.”

Eric chuckled, “No, god forbid I have a panic attack in front of Ilya Rozanov.”

Harris laughed.

“Oh Roz? He’s a big softie.” Harris chuckled, “But don’t tell him I told you that.”

Eric raised his eyebrows up in surprise. That’s the last thing he expected to hear today but it did make him feel better. Something told Eric that was Harris' intention in sharing it.

“I won’t.” Eric promised. Then he rolled his bags over to the concierge desk to collect his room key.

The nerves in his gut didn’t settle as he rode the elevator up to the fourth floor. He sort of hoped that he would’ve gotten there before his roommate, just so that he had time to get settled before having to socialize again, but that wasn’t the case. What did Harris say his name was again? It slipped his mind amidst all of the balloons and thoughts about the welcome dinner. 

He paused as he reached room 412 and took a deep breath. Everything was fine, there was nothing to be anxious about. He’d roomed with plenty of other hockey players in the past and made friends just as easily. This kid was probably just as nervous as he was. Besides, it was normal to be nervous, right? Attending a MLH rookie camp wasn’t exactly a common experience—at least, not to the average 20 year old—but maybe this kid was some sort of prodigy. Maybe he’d attended many of these camps in the past. Maybe he was a number one draft pick and had no real reason to be worried in the first place.

Okay, he really needed to stop. Those thoughts weren’t helping.

He took a deep breath and knocked softly on the door. Then he swiped his key card and let himself in. Eric sort of struggled to drag both his suitcase and hockey bag through the small entryway but once he’d managed to shut the door behind him, he spun around to find his roommate already lounging on one of the beds.

“Oh, désolé!” The boy exclaimed, sitting up on the bed with jolt. 

Oh great, he doesn’t even speak English.

He was talking too fast for Eric to understand anything he said. He tried to wrack his brain for whatever French he'd learned back in grade nine but nothing came to him. Whatever he was saying, it was quickly coming to an end. He was talking to a girl by the sounds of it. Probably his girlfriend back home, wherever home was. 

Eric just stood in the doorway awkwardly as he took the boy in. He was quite tall, taking up most of the double bed with his outstretched legs, and he was muscular. He had dirty blonde hair and circle glasses perched on his nose, which surprised Eric. He’d never met a hockey player that wore glasses before, but this guy suited them. It was sort of cute the way he kept pushing them up his nose as he tried his best to get the girl to hang up. She seemed relentless.

When he finally managed to end the call—telling her he loved her, as far as Eric could understand—he stood up and walked over to where Eric was still standing. Eric realized that he’d been staring so he rolled his shoulders back confidently and smiled up at the guy.

“Uh, bonjour.” Eric tried his best to pronounce the foreign words, “Je suis Eric.”

He stuck his hand out and the boy just looked down at it, then back up at Eric, before breaking out into laughter.

Eric's smile faltered.

“I speak English.” He managed to say in between laughter. Eric’s eyes widened in horror.

“Oh gosh, that’s so embarrassing.” He rubbed a hand over his face, hoping that it wasn't too red. The boy didn’t point it out if it was.

“I’m Luca.” He held out his hand where Eric’s was originally waiting. Eric shook it firmly. 

“I’m Eric.” He repeated more confidently this time.

“Yeah, I sort of got that.” Luca joked.

Eric smiled to himself and finally let go of Luca’s hand. He looked around the room. It was cozy. The two double beds took up most of the space but there was a small table beside the window with a vase of fake flowers and a chair beside it. The curtains were pulled open to reveal a lovely view of a brick wall. 

Great.

“Well, I guess this is our home for the next little bit.” Eric sighed and shuffled a bit further into the room. He left his shoes at the door and then fell back onto his bed. He bounced a couple times. It was stiff but it would have to do.

Luca just watched him, almost amused.

“Did you fly in?” Luca asked. He returned to his own bed and perched on the side of it so that he was still facing Eric. 

Eric rolled his head to the side to look up at him.

“Yeah, I landed about an hour ago. Came in from Vancouver.”

“Vancouver? Wow.” Luca nodded slowly. He stared off into space, the cogs almost visible as they turned in his brain.

“You don’t know where that is, do you?” Eric grinned. Luca’s cheeks tinted a light shade of pink. 

“I think it’s in Canada. Somewhere.” 

Eric chuckled, “Where are you from?”

“Switzerland.”

Ah, so that explained the accent.

Eric liked it.

“Well I was about to say that Vancouver is a beautiful place on the west coast known for its mountains but I think you might have me beat.” He smiled and Luca mirrored it. Then he looked down at his hands which were fidgeting in his lap.

“Can I tell you a secret?” Luca asked shyly.

“Of course.”

“I sort of expected Ottawa to be, uh, nicer?” 

Eric laughed, “I did too! Why is it so grey?”

“Oh thank god, I was worried I was going to offend you. But if you are saying this and you are a Canadian then I feel a bit better.” Luca sighed.

“I give you full permission to feel this way, as a Canadian.” Eric lifted a hand almost like he was swearing an oath, “But I maybe wouldn’t say anything to the Centaurs staff. Just in case.”

Luca’s eyes widened.

“No, no. I would never.” He laughed incredulously, “I want to make the team.”

“You’re telling me.” Eric joked. He looked over at the clock. They still had a couple hours until the welcome dinner. Surely they could find something to do before then. Eric got an idea, “Would you be up for an adventure?”

“An adventure?” Luca raised an eyebrow. He seemed nervous but that only made Eric grin wider. He nodded excitedly.

“Did you bring a swimsuit?” 

///

“So let me get this straight,” Eric waded in the shallow end of the pool, looking up at Luca who was sitting on the ledge, pants rolled up to his knees so that he could drip his legs into the water, “You were drafted first overall by the Centaurs two years ago and you’re scared that you aren’t going to make the team?”

Luca rolled his eyes at the sarcastic undertone to Eric’s question. Even if he had been sent back to Switzerland for a couple years, it was clear that they wanted him now. It wasn’t uncommon for rookies to need some more time in the minor leagues to gain muscle or improve their play a bit before the MLH. Eric had seen the same thing happen to plenty of guys before.

“When you put it like that it sounds ridiculous.” Luca insisted. He ran a nervous hand through his hair.

Eric chuckled, “That’s because it is.”

Instead of protesting, Luca kicked some water at him. Eric just laughed. 

They’d been in the pool for about 30 minutes and Eric was really starting to like this kid. He was kind, albeit a bit of an anxious wreck, and he could keep up with Eric’s humour. Plus he had a really cute Swiss accent, which Eric had to keep reminding himself was not an appropriate thought to have in terms of making new friends and having to room with this guy for the foreseeable future. At least until the end of training camp, which Eric had every intention of staying around for, which meant that he had to curtail his thoughts about Luca as best as he could.

“What about you? Are you nervous?” Luca asked hesitantly. 

Eric shrugged, “Not really.”

He absolutely was.

“I just keep reminding myself that I was invited for a reason.” He affirmed. 

That part wasn’t entirely a lie, he did keep reminding himself of that, but he was still nervous about it. So much was riding on this rookie training camp. Eric just finished his last year in the Western Hockey League, aging out now that he was 20, and his team had placed fourth overall. Some of his friends were drafted back in June but Eric wasn’t so fortunate. He’d had a really good playoff run though, one that led him to secure the tie-breaking goal that forced their semi final game into overtime. Even if they’d lost that game he was fairly certain that clutch goal was what earned him a call from Coach Wiebe in early July. 

Eric fell into a sort of depression after the draft happened. All he ever wanted was to play in the MLH, that’s what he’d dedicated all of his time to; not just him, but his grandparents too. They’d been so supportive, almost to a fault, and they’d blindly let him follow his childhood dream of being a professional hockey player. When he was first drafted to the Kamloops Blazers as a 15 year old, they’d moved out of the city just so that he could still live with them. They paid for all of his private lessons growing up and they got him the best gear that they could afford. They’d sacrificed so much. Eric didn’t want to let them down and that’s exactly what he thought he did after the 2020 MLH draft came and went without so much as a passing glance by any recruiters. 

Until he got that call from Coach Wiebe on a random Tuesday morning back in July. That’s when everything changed.

He dedicated his whole summer to preparing for this camp. When he wasn’t working with his grandpa at the shop, he was on the ice, and when he wasn’t on the ice, he was running on a trail somewhere or doing pull-ups in the garage. He was in the best shape of his life and he had every intention of making this team, if it was the last thing he did.

Back at the pool, Luca was staring at Eric as he skimmed his palm against the surface of the water. He wasn’t sure if it was the way his voice had cracked on the last word or the fact that he couldn’t meet Luca’s gaze when he said it, but the look that Luca was giving him now made it clear that he didn’t believe him. Luca was studying him, the same way that Eric did when he was in a face-off against an unfamiliar opponent, and it made him squirm. It didn’t feel unsafe, though, quite the opposite. It confused Eric.

Luca didn’t carry himself like he was a threat. Eric wasn’t quite sure if that was because he lacked confidence or because he didn’t want to be seen as a threat. Really, he had every reason to be confident; Luca was tall, handsome, and clearly he was a good hockey player, if his draft pick was any proof. Besides, they were fighting for limited spots on the Centaurs roster, so even if the coaches tried to preach about camaraderie over the next few weeks, they didn’t owe each other anything. And yet, the way that Luca shyly smiled down at Eric made him feel otherwise.

“Well then I might have to stick by you.” Luca chuckled nervously, “You seem so…okay about all of this.”

Eric smiled. Maybe he was hiding his nerves better than he thought he was. 

“Don’t worry, I’ll take care of you.” He joked. 

Luckily Luca laughed otherwise Eric would’ve had to drown himself right then and there. Eric couldn’t help but admire his smile. It was the type of smile that was contagious, and that’s how Eric found himself smiling cheesily up at the boy. 

Okay, this is too much. Act normal, Eric.

He cleared his throat, “Okay, I think I need to get out before I turn into a raisin.”

“Yeah that’s probably a good idea,” Luca sat up a little straighter and pulled out his phone, “Dinner is soon anyways, we should probably get ready.”

“What were you thinking of wearing to that?” Eric asked as he slowly navigated his way to the stairs at the other end of the pool. When he climbed out and turned around, Luca was already holding out a fluffy towel to him. He smiled and took it from him.

“Harris said it’s not formal so maybe just some pants and a nice shirt?” Luca shrugged. He was hyper aware of the way that Luca was staring at him as he dried off. Not that he had anything to be insecure about but Eric would be lying if he said that he wasn’t flexing his abs as he wrapped the towel around his waist. 

“Some pants and a nice shirt is really vague.” Eric joked. Luca met his gaze again, his cheeks turning a slight shade of pink when he realized that he got caught staring. Eric continued, “You Europeans have good fashion so now I feel like I have to dress nice.”

“Don’t put those expectations on me. Maybe I have a really bad sense of style.” Luca retorted as he led them out of the pool room and into the hallway. The cool air nipped at Eric’s bare chest as they walked towards the elevator. 

“Something tells me you don’t have a bad sense of style.” Eric reassured him, glancing down at the unbranded sweats he was wearing. They looked comfortable and expensive. Much more expensive than the Nike pair Eric had packed in his suitcase. 

“Whatever.” Luca mumbled. They climbed into the elevator and Luca pressed the button for the fourth floor.

“It’s okay, Haasy. You’re a rich kid from Switzerland, no need to be ashamed.” Eric teased.

Eric wasn’t sure if he saw it correctly but he could’ve sworn that Luca tensed at that comment. If he did, he quickly recovered, ignoring the joke altogether.

“Haasy?” Luca asked, instead.

“Yeah, that’s my new nickname for you.” Eric shrugged, “Why, you don’t like it?”

Luca smiled down at his feet.

“No, I like it.”

“Okay. Then Haasy it is.” 

Chapter 2: The Media

Chapter Notes

Note: This chapter takes place during Chapter 5 of the main fic.

Ottawa, October 2020

Training camp came and went in a blur and before Eric knew it, he was about to do his first press conference. The three rookies were standing in a hallway at the Centaurs practice facility, all wearing suits that made them look the part. Eric had only packed for training camp, the rest of his things were in the middle of being shipped across the country, so he’d only brought one suit with him. It just so happened to be the same suit he wore to prom a couple years before. Luckily Cassie forced him to try it on for them ahead of the press conference.

“Okay, I’m coming out.” He announced dramatically from his bathroom. He walked out into his room where Cassie and Bood were perched on his bed. Cassie immediately scrunched her face up.

“What? Is it bad?” He asked, looking down at his wrinkled pants and trying his best to smooth them out with the palms of his hands.

“No, no. You look very handsome.” She insisted. The look on her face didn’t seem to agree, “But I think we can do better.”

“I’ll call Richard.” Bood sighed and left the room without another word. Richard, as it turns out, was the guy who owned a local boutique that some of the guys liked to buy their suits from. His storefront smelled like polished leather and mahogany teakwood incense. It was far fancier than the Moores where Eric had purchased his prom outfit with his grandfather. Far fancier than anything Eric had ever experienced before.

Bood managed to get him an emergency appointment ahead of the press conference. He bought him a few suits—just to get his collection started, Bood insisted—which overwhelmed Eric. He insisted that he was going to pay Bood back as soon as he got his first pay cheque but Bood just smiled at him. Something told Eric that he wouldn’t be seeing that receipt anytime soon.

“Guys I think my heart fell down to my ass.” LaPointe turned to them, patting his chest in multiple places to check for a pulse, “It’s definitely not in my chest anymore.”

Eric laughed and clapped a hand on his shoulder.

“You’re fine. Just breathe, Pointer.” They did some slow breaths together while Eric continued to squeeze LaPointe’s shoulder. Maybe if he squeezed hard enough, he could coax LaPointe’s heart back up to his chest. The pressure seemed to calm LaPointe down slightly.

The lingering anxiety from training camp was starting to wear off and Eric was starting to feel more like himself again. A new wave of confidence had overcome him the moment that Coach Wiebe pulled him into his office and offered him a spot on the roster. Well, maybe not at that very moment. He definitely held it together in front of Coach but once he was alone in a bathroom down the hall he immediately called his grandparents and cried. Ever since then he’d been his usual calm, cool, collected self. For the most part.

He turned to Luca who had gone as white as a ghost. He shuffled his glasses up his nose.

“You doing okay, Haasy?” He asked carefully.

“Well my heart is still in my chest but it’s very possible that I throw it up during the press conference.” Luca joked.

He was fidgeting with the buttons of his suit jacket, which was a deep navy. It made Luca’s eyes pop, Eric thought to himself, and it looked just as expensive as Eric felt. He supposed that Luca had brought this suit from home though. There were some looming thoughts in the back of Eric’s mind reminding him that he was an imposter; just a kid playing dress up to impress a room full of reporters who didn’t know any better. He rolled his shoulders back defiantly.

I belong here, Eric kept reminding himself. If he didn't believe it in that very moment then the least he could do was pretend that he did for the next half hour. If the press wanted a show, he would put on a show. 

Eric smiled at Luca, “Well good news is that I don’t think that’s clinically possible.”

Luca released a shaky breath.

“Guess we’ll find out.”

Harris came out of the room with a big smile on his face. 

“They’re ready for you.” He said kindly, scanning each of the boy’s faces as they mentally prepared for what was about to happen. He must’ve sensed their nerves because he leaned in closer to whisper, “You’re accomplishing your dreams of being in the MLH! Don’t forget how exciting that is.”

Eric smiled at Harris as he held the door open for them. He thought that he was doing the best at holding it together but Harris still squeezed his shoulder as he walked past him into the room.

As soon as they walked in, the camera flashes started. There were a lot more reporters in there than Eric expected and he kept a soft smile on his face as he took the stage. There was a table set-up for them, draped in a white table cloth and dotted with microphones, glasses of water, and name tags for each of them. Eric walked to the end of the table where his name tag was but he turned back to pull Luca’s chair out for him. It was a small gesture, just something casual you would do for a friend, but Luca sent him a small appreciative smile anyway. Eric returned it as the three of them took their seats. 

Harris welcomed everyone to their first press conference of the year. Eric took a casual sip of water as Harris introduced each of them briefly. Then the floor opened to questions and every hand shot up immediately.

He let Harris’ words rattle through his brain just as the first reporter was invited to speak.

Don't forget how exciting this is.

He smiled to himself. Before he knew it they were being thrown questions left and right.

How do you pronounce your name?

Where are you from?

What was your experience like getting drafted? That one was only for Luca, seeing as both LaPointe and Eric hadn’t been drafted. They’d been personally invited to the training camp that year. Well, LaPointe was called back from the training camp last year when he hadn’t made the team.  

As the questions went on and Eric was called on less, he quickly realized what was happening. It was clear that Luca was the prize here and that everything else—everyone else—was a distraction. If Eric didn’t like Luca so much then he may have been offended by it. Instead he found himself giggling at some of the questions that Luca was asked, like what his favourite parts of Ottawa were so far and what it was really like living with Ilya Rozanov. 

And he was impressed by the way that Luca navigated those questions with ease. He didn’t say anything about how boring Ottawa was, even if he had kicked Eric’s foot under the table the moment he started giggling, just that he was excited to be in Canada’s capital and hoped to explore more of it before the season started. Eric made a mental note to look up some tourist spots for the three of them to check out before their schedules got busy. Not that they weren’t already busy.

The question about Ilya seemed a bit trickier for Luca to answer but Eric didn’t suspect that the media could pick up on the way that his Adam's apple bobbed the same way that he could. They were sitting too far away and they didn’t really know Luca, at least not like Eric did. Even so, Luca got through the pointed question with a small smile and a light blush on his cheeks. More cameras flashed. More reporters scribbled down notes about the crumbs that Luca was giving them.

The questions slowly got more direct over time, moving on from the softballs to topics that already showed the narrative that the media wanted to run with.

“Luca, you were drafted first overall back in 2018 but only made the team this year. What was that process like and how did it feel when you were sent back to Switzerland to play for another two seasons?”

Whether he realized it or not, Luca started to fidget with the hem of his tie under the table. Eric tried not to stare, he knew that Luca always fidgeted when he was nervous, so instead he glanced over at Harris. He was smiling at Luca, nodding his head as if encouraging him to answer the question—almost like they were expecting it.

“I was so excited when I was drafted first overall a couple years ago, I mean who wouldn’t be?” He chuckled which made some other people in the room do the same, “When Coach Wiebe told me that he wanted me to develop a bit more back in Switzerland, I wasn’t surprised. We made a plan for what things I could work on, I worked on those things, and now I’m here.”

He said it all so matter-of-factly it almost convinced Eric that Luca wasn’t nervous about it in the first place. Even if his hands were still fidgeting under the table, where only he could see them. He smiled over at Luca who continued to stare directly ahead. Eric tried not to take it personally.

He figured that the reporters would move on to easier questions again, maybe give Luca a bit of a break by asking LaPointe about how excited he was to be playing for his favourite team, but his hope was misplaced when the next question came.

“Luca, as I’m sure you’re aware, the Centaurs haven’t had a lot of luck in recent years; they haven’t had a play-off run since 2007, haven’t won a Cup since 1927. Do you feel pressure to turn that around for the organization?”

It almost felt like the oxygen was sucked out of the room. Luca froze as all eyes turned to him again. The group of reporters almost leaned in, waiting for a headline or a soundbite that they could use. Eric glanced sideways at Luca to see that his leg had started to bounce under the table. 

He reached over slowly, ensuring that the movement wasn’t visible from the cameras, and gently placed his hand on Luca’s leg. He seemed to settle under Eric’s touch, his leg going still as he took a deep breath and stared out at the room. Eric willed him to say something, anything, or he was going to have to jump in himself.

“That’s a good question and definitely something that I’m sure a lot of fans are thinking about too.” Luca started. His voice came out a lot more even than Eric expected it to, “Look, I want to give this team my all, that’s why I’m here. So I’m going to go out there and play hard, score goals, and win for our fans.”

Eric smiled to himself as he carefully removed his hand from Luca’s leg. He didn’t seem to need the comfort anymore but Luca did glance sideways at him at the loss of contact.

Luca quickly continued, “I want to win just as much as our fans want us to win and I’m going to do everything in my power to make that happen.”

The silence that fell over the room was powerful. Eric even felt a swell of emotions rise in his chest as he looked over at his friend. He believed every word that he said, regardless of how terrified Luca might’ve been on the inside when he said them. Eric could see himself following this kid into battle every night; for now, as rookies, but one day, as his captain. That future looked bright.

No one knew what to say after that. Luca’s eyes darted all around the room, looking for some sort of sign that what he said was alright. Eric quickly jumped in, hoping to ease some of the anxiety that was still emanating from the boy to his left.

“What he said.” Eric joked. 

The room laughed at him and Luca finally smiled over at him. It was a genuine smile, one that reached his eyes behind his rounded glasses. Eric grinned back. He could get used to seeing that smile.

“Eric and Julien, can you tell us what it’s like playing with a talent like Luca?” One man asked from the third row.

LaPointe looked over at Eric who had no problem answering. He leaned forward towards the mic and looked directly at the reporter as he spoke.

“It’s great. You said it yourself, Luca is a talented player, and anytime I get to be on the ice with him is so much fun. I’m really looking forward to more of that this year.” Eric smiled sideways at Luca who was trying his best not to blush.

Over training camp the guys quickly realized that Luca blushed a lot; when he was nervous, when someone teased him, when he over-exerted himself, but especially when you complimented him. It was Eric’s favourite thing to see as he noticed a redness creep up the back of Luca’s neck. He made a mental note to tease Luca about it afterwards. He would likely blame it on the lighting or the growing temperature of the room and Eric would let him. Even if he knew the truth. 

“We heard that the two of you were roommates throughout training camp. Have you learned anything from Luca over the past month?” A different reporter jumped in, looking directly at Eric as she asked the question. 

It was odd how they were positioning Luca in the way that they were, like he was this all-knowing guy. He was just a kid. He was actually younger than Eric, by a whole year, but he was also a generational talent. Anyone with eyes could see that. If that meant that Eric got to gloat about his friend, then he would let them ask all the questions they wanted, but it did take him a moment to deliberate his answer. 

There were many things that Luca had taught him over the past month. He’d learned that you were supposed to separate your whites from your colours when you did a load of laundry, that Luca absolutely despised the idea of sharing toothpaste (even if Eric continued to steal some for a few days til he could buy more for himself), or that being on-time was actually considered late for his Swiss teammate. 

None of those answers seemed appropriate for the setting so Eric just chuckled into the mic.

“Learned from Luca or about Luca?” He joked.

The reporter’s eyes shined, “Whatever you want.”

He could say that Luca loved ketchup chips or that he loved action movies. He could mention how Luca knew all the words to the Frozen soundtrack, even if that movie came out when he was 12. He could say that Luca spoke 3 languages, maybe more, and that he sometimes talked in his sleep. He could say that Luca was quite possibly the hardest worker he knew and that he never complained. Ever. Even when Ilya had them doing bag skates just a few days ago. For some reason he wanted to keep those things to himself though.

“I’ve learned a few things, yes,” Eric smiled over at Luca, who leaned forward to his own mic as well.

“Be careful what you say. I know where you live.” Luca said, never breaking eye contact with Eric. The empty threat made the reporters all laugh as Eric raised his eyebrows up at his friend.

“I think I’ll save Luca the embarrassment." He decided with a smug smile. 

It was a bit of a cop out answer but the reporters seemed satisfied anyways. He glanced over at Harris, just to make sure that was an alright exchange, and Harris just smiled at him. There was a glint of something behind his eyes before he quickly stepped in and announced that they would only take a few more questions.

They answered some more light-hearted questions before they quickly wrapped up. Eric waited for Luca to stand up before he followed after him.

“You didn’t want me to tell them how your favourite Disney movie is Peter Pan?” Eric whispered to him as they walked off the stage.

Luca blushed but didn’t say anything more. When they got out into the hallway and were alone again, Harris immediately turned to them with a wide smile.

“That was great, guys! Seriously, so well done.” He complimented, “I need to get set-up for our next shoot but you guys are free for the next little bit. I think there’s food in the lounge for you.”

When Harris was out of earshot, LaPointe dramatically exhaled. 

“Okay, I think my heart is back in my chest. I survived.” He said dramatically. Eric chuckled to himself before he saw the challenging look in his friend's eyes,  “Race you to the lounge?”

Before he even finished his sentence, LaPointe was sprinting down the hall.

“You fucker!” Eric yelled after him. He shoved Luca in an attempt to get a headstart and made a run for it as well, their combined laughter echoing through the hallways of the practice facility.

Chapter 3: A Moment

Chapter Notes

Note: This chapter takes place in that one week time jump during Chapter 11 of the main fic when they’re on a road trip, after the club incident in Montreal.

Minnesota, October 2020

Playing in the MLH was harder than Eric ever imagined it to be. The start of the season was slowly fading away and he was trying his best to get used to the pace of the schedule. It wasn’t even the hockey and the strict training schedule that was getting to him, it was the travel.

They were in Minnesota, filing off the bus into the brisk autumnal air that had arrived overnight. Eric tugged his beanie a little further down his head as he was one of the last off the bus. It was just another thing he was still getting used to, that the rookies always had to wait for everyone else; to get on the plane, to get their food, to get off the bus. He was just glad that there were equipment guys to carry all the bags into the arena. He didn’t think he could handle that on top of everything else. Eric always made sure to thank them, though, and that’s exactly what he did as he sent them a small smile before walking into the arena that night.

The pre-game routine was the same as usual. Change into dry-fit clothes, do his stretches, fight off Bood and Dykstra who were trying to pull him into a very off-pitch attempt at some Shania Twain song, and then put his gear on. Even as his body went through the motions, his brain was still lagging. He’d hoped that by the time Ilya stood up for his speech that he’d be more energized. He was wrong.

When Ilya decided to keep his speech short and sweet that night—a simple dig at how bad Minnesota had started their season and how he was planning to keep it that way—Eric was frustrated. He just needed a surge of energy to get his head in the game. 

The guys all cheered around him and Eric begrudgingly joined in with a half-assed cheer of his own, like he was trying to convince himself that he was ready for the game. Nobody seemed to notice. Except for Luca.

“Hey, you.” Luca slapped Eric’s side with his glove before sliding it on, “Wake up. It’s game time.”

There was a worried undertone to his voice that was poorly covered by his feeble attempt at humour. Eric sent him a tight-lipped smile.

“Sorry, I think I’m just going through the motions.” He admitted as they walked out of the locker room together to line-up in the tunnel. The Xcel Energy Centre was practically rumbling with the heavy bass that was playing over the speakers. Eric could feel it in his chest.

He almost didn’t hear Luca as he leaned closer to him to say, “Just 60 minutes.”

Eric turned to him with furrowed eyebrows.

“That’s it. Then we can go watch a movie in the hotel. You can pick.” Luca grinned at him, taking his spot behind Eric in line. Eric smiled to himself.

Just 60 minutes. He could do that.

///

Playing with Luca was unlike anything Eric had ever experienced before. They just seemed to know where one another were at all times, making passes and feeding pucks into empty spaces that were perfectly timed with the pace of their game. He wasn’t nearly as fast as Luca but it didn’t mean that he didn’t try his hardest to stay hot on his heels. It almost felt like he was flying whenever he was skating with Luca, waiting for a sneaky pass or a change in play to take a shot on net. 

It was a drill that they’d practiced countless times together, during practice and afterwards, when the two of them stayed on the ice for as long as possible before the zamboni drivers got sick of them. Eric was following behind Luca at a respectable distance as he weaved in between Minnesota’s defenders with ease. Eric watched his shoulders, the way his hips swiveled with every new player who tried to block his path. It was like watching a piece of art being created in real time. Luca truly was something special to watch.

It almost would’ve been distracting had Eric’s heartbeat not been ringing in his ears. His brain slowed, reminding him to maintain a few paces behind Luca, just like they’d practiced. Just as Luca passed the last defender, he did it. The special move they’d perfected over time. He tapped the puck between his legs, setting up the perfect shot for Eric, who pushed his skates into the ice with all his energy. Just as Luca spun around to screen the goalie, Eric wound up for a perfect shot, sinking the puck under the goalie’s right hand before he even realized that Luca no longer had the puck. 

The horn blared loudly throughout the silent arena. It didn’t matter, all Eric could hear was Luca cheering for him as he looped around and skated towards him. Eric threw his hands in the air, bracing for impact as Luca jumped onto him. They both fell down to the ice with an ungraceful thud. 

“That’s what I’m talking about, baby!” Luca screamed in his face, not even making an effort to get off of Eric. 

He winced, taking stock of the way his muscles groaned under the impact of Luca’s weight but when he looked up at his best friend, any pain faded into the background. Luca’s eyes were almost glistening under the fluorescence of the arena lights and he was looking at Eric like he held all of the answers to the world’s toughest mysteries. 

“We fucking did it! You fucking did it! In a game!” Luca screamed again, this time breaking out into a bubble of laughter as Eric grinned up at him.

Eric didn’t know what to say so he just huffed out a laugh—well, more like a wheeze, as the remaining air left his lungs—and let his head fall back against the ice. He would stay like this forever if he could.

Luca propped himself up so that he was kneeling over Eric now. He shook him by the shoulders excitedly and smiled at him with so much adoration that it made Eric’s head spin. The moment was gone within an instant as the rest of their linemates surrounded them.

“Haasy get off of him!” Holmberg laughed. 

He pulled Luca up by the scruff of his jersey and Luca immediately blushed. Eric saw the moment that his energy shifted. The way his smile faltered and he averted his eyes to the ice as the rest of their teammates joined in on the celebration. Eric let himself be pulled into side hugs and helmet taps but his eyes never left Luca, never left the deep crimson colour of his cheeks. 

He smiled to himself as they skated over to high five the rest of their teammates on the bench. 

///

It didn’t take long for Twitter to freak out over their goal celebration. They were back in the hotel room and Luca was in the shower. He insisted that he never felt perfectly clean when he showered at arenas. They always had cheap soap, Luca insisted, not the coconut body scrub that he packed for every roadtrip. Eric always teased him about it but he couldn’t really complain. He liked the sweet smell of it. Besides, Luca’s post-game shower always gave him just enough time to doom scroll on social media. It had become a sort of ritual for them.

He lazily scrolled through the posts, a dumb smile on his face as he read them.

@yaaaaaaass: 

DOES ANYONE ELSE SEE THE WAY THEY LOOK AT EACH OTHER???

❤️6.3k 🔁1.4k 💬242

     ↪ @yaas257

         I ABSOLUTELY DO

         ❤️5.8k 🔁1.4k 💬242

@lgbthockey: 

Now kiss! Who said that? 👀👀

❤️5.4k 🔁780 💬122

@busyizzy: 

i love the boy aquarium

❤️7.5k 🔁3.1k 💬358

@metrosguy93: gay

❤️457 🔁51 💬180

     ↪ @ilyilya: 

         and we love to see it! #hockeyisforeveryone

         ❤️2.4k 🔁960 💬142

@MLH_wag: 

im starting a rumour…

❤️4.6k 🔁2.2k 💬342

     ↪ @young_forever57: 

         too late, I already started it

         ❤️1.2k 🔁81 💬56

@MLH ✓

So @young57… how much did that hurt? 

❤️9.7k 🔁2.3k 💬752

     ↪ @yaas257: 

         NOT THE MLH ADMIN KNOWING ABOUT #YAAS HAHAHA

         ❤️1.3k 🔁236 💬51

     ↪ @young57 ✓ 

         @MLH he’s surprisingly light

Eric chuckled to himself at the responses that immediately flooded his notifications at that. Some of his own teammates even liked it, sending texts in the group chat about how Luca wasn’t going to appreciate that tweet when he got out of the shower and saw what Eric had said. Eric quipped back that Luca might need to spend more time in the gym then. 

     @censnation2: 

     baby cens do do do do do do (to the tune of baby shark, obvs)

     ❤️7.1k 🔁2.9k 💬482

Eric liked that last one because it was funny. And because it had a gif of Luca and Eric skating side by side during warm ups, completely lost in conversation, almost moving in sync around the ice together. 

Harris had previously had a long conversation with the rookies about social media etiquette back when they first joined the team. That was around the same time that they had their media training with him. Conveniently, it was also around the same time that LaPointe had almost doxxed the whole Chouinard family by posting a basketball video right in front of their house. It would’ve been fine had the house address not been entirely visible in the background. Harris was really good at his job because he’d seen the TikTok, called LaPointe, and got him to delete it all within the span of three minutes. 

As such, Eric was quite careful when it came to social media. He loved being on there, having a natural knack for it and all of the fanfare that came with being a professional hockey player. He’d sort of gotten a reputation amongst the fans that he was chronically online. They often joked that he saw everything. And he did. Everything. Including the recent uptick in Yaas content online. 

He would be lying if he said he didn’t like it. It was funny. Luca wasn't so sure. When he first introduced Luca to it, he scrunched his face up at the name, not entirely sure whether he liked it or not. Eric had to explain the origins of it to Luca and then to the rest of the team, who hadn’t heard the term before. Maybe he was online too much.

Eric switched over to Instagram to see what was going on over there. Harris had posted the official MLH clip of his goal which Eric quickly liked and then scrolled down to the clip Harris had posted of their joint celebration. He made sure to share that video on his story with the caption, “Couldn’t do it without @luca_haas2 😈💪” 

If only the fans knew how true that statement was. 

He only put his phone away when Luca finally came out of the bathroom. He smiled at Eric when his eyes landed on him.

“Feel better?” Eric smiled. 

He picked up the remote and started to scroll through the different apps on the TV. He was supposed to have picked out a movie for them to watch by the time Luca got out of the shower. It wasn’t his fault that Centaurs Nation had a lot for him to scroll through that night.

Luca sighed and slung his towel over the desk chair.

“Much.” He glanced over at the screen as Eric typed in their shared Disney+ login, “How about you? Feeling better than before the game?”

Eric hummed, “I’m doing great.”

Luca looked at him cautiously as he perched himself on the edge of his own bed. Eric couldn’t quite get a read on him as he glanced between the screen and Eric every so often, like he wasn’t sure if he believed Eric. Eric wasn’t sure if he even believed himself. The fatigue was settling into his bones in a way it hadn’t ever done before. He reserved the fact that this might just be a part of playing in the MLH and he silently hoped that his body adapted to it soon. If not, he wasn't quite sure if he could last long in this career.

He sent Luca a reassuring smile the next time he glanced over at him. Luca stood up from the bed suddenly.

“I have an idea.” He exclaimed. Eric watched as he walked over to the phone on the desk, punched in a few numbers, and then waited. When the other person picked up he said, “Uh yes, hi, I was wondering if you had any cookies on the menu? Yes, uh, I don’t know. Maybe four? Can you heat them up? And two glasses of milk. Yes. Okay, thank you.”

Eric smirked at Luca as he put the phone back onto its docking station.

“What?” He smiled shyly when he caught Eric’s gaze.

“Milk and cookies? Really?” Eric couldn’t stop the smile that came to his face.

Luca flushed a light pink.

“Milk and cookies always make me feel better.” He shrugged like it was the most obvious cure to whatever was going on with Eric at that moment. 

Eric rolled his eyes but he couldn’t stop a stupid smile from coming to his face. He returned to the TV to look for a movie while Luca got snuggled up in his own bed. They scrolled through pages of movies in silence before Eric sighed loudly.

“What?” Luca prompted, glancing sideways at him.

“There’s nothing to watch.” Eric whined.

Luca chuckled, “You were supposed to look for a movie while I was in the shower!”

Eric slumped further into his bed, pulling his hoodie up around his head protectively.

“I got distracted.” He mumbled. He didn’t even have to explain himself, Luca just knew that he’d been scrolling on social media the whole time anyways. Still, he knew where this was heading—

“Social media will rot your brain.” Luca nagged, as he always did, at the same time that Eric mimicked him in his worst version of a Swiss accent. Luca gasped, “Hey!”

Eric just giggled at him and then ducked when Luca threw one of his pillows at his head.

“To be fair, I was watching clips from our game!” He picked up the pillow and stuffed it under his arm for comfort as he kept scrolling through the options on the TV, “Go look. I even shared a post to my story.”

“Oh gosh, do I even want to know what you shared?” Luca joked but he was already pulling out his phone. It took him a few seconds to navigate to Instagram and presumably see Eric’s story before he said a quiet, “Oh.” to himself.

Eric smiled over at him. There was a light blush on Luca’s cheeks as he tapped on the screen, as if replaying the story over and over again. Not long after Eric felt his own phone buzz in his pocket. He took it out to see that Luca had tagged him in a story of his own. He quickly pulled it open and found that Luca had shared the video of Eric’s goal to his story with a caption of his own.

“What a moment @young57🔥🔥”

Eric’s heart fluttered in his chest. 

What a moment.

Chapter 4: Deep Down

Chapter Notes

Note: This happens in between Chapter 12 and 13 of the main fic, before Luca talks about his sexuality with Ilya.

Ottawa, November 2020

When they pulled up to the practice facility that day there was a group of fans outside. Eric put the car in park like he always did, careful to greet everyone and sign things in the few minutes they had before they really needed to get inside. He was only slightly surprised when Luca got out of the car to do the same. It’s not that he wouldn’t agree to stop, he always appreciated their fans, but usually Eric would just hand over a jersey or a player card for him to sign from the passenger seat. Eric tried to ignore the fact that there were a couple young ladies out there, entirely eager to take selfies with Luca after he signed a puck for their younger brother. 

A text popped up on his centre console just as he took his last selfie with a few kids. It was from Isabelle.

Isabelle: Are we still on for tonight? ☺️

They'd been texting a bit more recently and it made Eric happy. He really didn't expect to meet someone this soon into moving to Ottawa but there was something about talking to Isabelle that was so easy. He still wanted to take things slow, though, just to see where it all went. 

He smiled to himself and quickly typed out a response about how he was looking forward to seeing her. Luca said goodbye to the fans and slid back into the passenger seat. Eric smiled over at him but Luca just looked back out the window, a schooled expression on his face.

"Good to go?" Eric asked, putting the car back into drive.

"Good to go."

They waved at the fans and finally pulled into the players lot.

The rest of the day went about as smooth as Eric expected it to. The rookies agreed to a pre-practice workout with Holmberg, who was only a few years older than them but had the lifting routine down to a science. Coach Wiebe even let them be, entrusting Holmberg with the rest of the workout so that he could go do some paper work before their on-ice practice started.

Eric swung his leg over the side of the bench, letting his back fall against the cool leather as Luca assumed his spotting position behind him.

“Let me show you how this is done.” Eric joked.

Luca rolled his eyes but quickly raised his hands to hover near Eric’s biceps as he pushed the bar away from his chest. There was a warmth in the small space between Luca’s outstretched hands and Eric’s skin. He excused it as heat from his workout, which they are halfway through at that point.

Eric pressed his lips firmly together as he tried to go for one more rep than was necessary, then another, just to out-do Luca.

“Show off.” Luca said under his breath.

Eric chuckled. He tried to go for a third before realizing that he couldn’t do it.

“Help. Me.” He begged between clenched teeth.

“Oh I thought you could do it?” Luca teased. He grabbed Eric’s biceps anyways and applied a light pressure so that he could place the bar back on the rack. Luca’s hands lingered for a second before he let go. He cleared his throat, “That’s what you get for trying to show off.”

Eric went limp against the bench. He even stuck his tongue out of the side of his mouth, just because he was dramatic. Definitely not because it made Luca giggle at him.

“Hey! Lovebirds!” Holmberg called out, snapping his fingers a couple times to get their attention, “Over to the sled.”

“You’re going first.” Eric huffed, trying his best to ignore the light flush that dusted Luca's cheeks at the nickname Holmberg had given them. He forced himself up from the bench and slowly followed Luca over to the stretch of terf in their gym. The sled was already stacked with multiple plates waiting for them.

Luca assumed his position behind it. A smug smile rose to his face.

“I bet you I can go there and back faster than you can.” He raised a challenging eyebrow up at Eric. His stomach turned. 

“Oh you’re on, Haasy.” He was already fumbling for his phone in his pocket to time him.

Luca ended up beating him by three seconds. It shocked no one, no matter how much Eric dramatically accused Luca of cheating. When Eric finally forfeited to Luca they stumbled over to the other side of the gym where Holmberg and LaPointe were pulled into an animated conversation. 

“You’re fucking crazy.” Holmberg laughed at LaPointe. He squeezed some water into the side of his mouth.

“No I’m not. You’re telling me you wouldn’t?” LaPointe defended himself.

“Is he trying to convince you that pickles are good with peanut butter?” Luca joked, referencing a previous conversation the three of them had about the weird food combinations they ate growing up. Eric didn’t think that combination was nearly as weird as Luca’s meat jelly he showed them pictures of on Google. He shuddered at the memory.

“Don’t bash the peanut butter pickles.” LaPointe pointed sternly at Luca as Holmberg continued to laugh, “But no, we’re talking about childhood celebrity crushes.”

“Then he told me he was obsessed with Shane Hollander growing up.” Holmberg smirked. LaPointe looked between them, flustered.

“He makes it sound bad but, I mean, c’mon. It's Shane Hollander.” LaPointe released a shaky laugh as he walked over to the fridge stocked with cold bottles of Gatorade. He chucked one at Eric without him even having to ask and he gladly opened it, still trying to catch his breath from his sled run. LaPointe shook his head, “I mean I’m straight but that man…”

LaPointe let a low whistle escape his lips.

Eric looked cautiously around the group, gauging their reactions as he took a careful sip of his drink. Holmberg just shook his head and laughed at him like it was the most ridiculous thing he’d ever heard. Luca stayed oddly quiet, an unreadable expression on his face.

“You’re judging me.” LaPointe pouted.

Eric finally let a small smile come to his face. 

“No, no. We’re not.” He insisted. A soft laugh escaped him as he glanced over at Luca. Even if he couldn’t gauge Luca’s reaction, he knew his best friend well enough to know that he wasn’t a homophobe. There might’ve been something about the conversation, an underlying joke to it all, that gave Eric the bravery to admit to it, but he found himself saying, “I felt the same way, Pointer.”

Luca snapped his head to Eric, eyes wide. A chill ran down Eric’s spine as Luca looked at him. Maybe that wasn’t as subtle as he’d intended it to be and for a brief moment he let himself panic. Then he forced out a laugh and nudged Luca’s shoulder lightly.

“Oh c’mon, Haasy, we all know you were obsessed with Roz growing up.” He joked, teetering on the edge of a cliff he wasn’t sure he was quite ready to fall off of. Maybe if he played it off as a dumb childhood idolization thing then Luca wouldn’t look at him like that. 

From his left, LaPointe made some sort of grunt of approval, remembering their previous conversations about hockey players they admired growing up. That was back in training camp when the three of them bonded over how surreal it was to be playing on the same ice as Ilya Rozanov. Holmberg just continued to laugh at them. Eric figured that the novelty of these childhood idols wore off the longer you were in the league; the more time you spent across a face-off circle from them; the more rumours you heard about them through the tight-knit circle that was the MLH.

“Don’t make it weird.” Luca grumbled. He pushed past them over to the bench where LaPointe had just completed his Bulgarian split squats. 

Eric's stomach dropped as he watched him go. The other guys continued joking amongst themselves, this time about female celebrity crushes, like nothing weird had even happened. That made him feel a bit better as he pushed away any anxious thoughts about his teammates picking up on Eric's secret. He was being dumb and he knew that but a smaller part of him wanted to see how far he could take this conversation with Luca. That small part won over. 

“You’re telling me you never had a poster of Roz in your bedroom growing up?” He continued once they were out of earshot of the other two. There was a teasing lilt to his voice that erred on the side of pleading. He was trying to get something out of his best friend that would make him feel a little less crazy about the thoughts he’d been having lately. The ones that noticed how good Luca looked in blue or loved the way that he pushed his glasses up his nose. The type of thoughts that might get him in trouble if he wasn't careful.

Luca paused as he got set-up for his squats. His eyes searched the ground for something, anything, while his brain seemed to short circuit in real time. Eric noticed the red flush creeping up the back of his neck so he pushed on. 

“It’s okay, I still have my Shane Hollander poster.” He sighed, almost dreamily.

It was a joke, at least that’s what anyone walking past might’ve thought, but there was something deeper to it. Something that—if he was reading Luca’s signs right—might mean something more to the boy as he started with his reps.

He’d been trying to unpack Luca’s brain for a while now. Trying to understand if the way Luca looked at him—laughed at his jokes, blushed at his teasing—was special. Eric couldn’t quite explain how he felt about his best friend in return but he was curious. Curious in a way he’d never been with another guy before, at least no guys in his personal life, celebrities and hockey players were a different story. He was also scared. No, terrified, but not terrified enough that he hadn't started to lean into his curiosities a little more when he was around Luca. He liked how it felt when he was joking around with Luca, when he could feel Luca's eyes following him around a room or a rink. How he proceeded with those feelings all depended on the way that Luca responded now, though. He silently hoped that he hadn't misread the situation. 

“Maybe if you ask nicely Roz will sign your poster for you.” Eric chuckled, pulling himself out of his thoughts.

“Shut the fuck up, Eric.” Luca spat. 

Eric froze. Any remaining jokes died on his tongue. 

“It’s not like that.” Luca grumbled. He was almost trying to rectify the situation, to clarify what he meant, but there was something about those words that struck a chord deep in Eric’s chest. A subliminal message. 

So Luca is straight. Duly noted. 

Eric tried to ignore the pit in his stomach as they continued with their workout in silence.

///

Their on-ice practice was rough after that. Eric had gotten too much into his head about it all. About the way that Luca had shut down after he told Eric to shut up, how Eric may have pushed him too far for comfort. He simultaneously felt like such an idiot for misreading the situation, for getting his hopes up about it all, while also feeling guilty that he'd made Luca uncomfortable.

Then the shame set-in.

In what world did he think that he could think about his best friend that way? His teammate? His coworker? It wasn’t normal. It wasn’t okay.

Eric had never let himself think that way about his friends before. About any of his previous teammates. Even if he knew deep down that there was something different about Luca. Something that if he just let himself try might be the best thing that ever happened to him. If that door was shut before then it was dead bolted now. It made his chest hurt to think about.

He almost forgot that he was mic’d up for their practice before Harris called him over in between drills. Eric forced a smile onto his face as he approached the bench.

“Hey bud, is everything okay?” Harris asked, tilting his head to the side to get a better look at Eric. 

Eric had really grown to like Harris in the short time he’d been on the team. He was kind and he always looked out for the rookies, ever since the first day.

“Of course. Why?” Eric insisted.

Harris pointed at the headphones he was wearing, one side pulled off so that he could hear Eric in real time.

“You’ve barely said anything to anyone all practice.” Harris said. Eric turned away from the boards to scan the ice. He couldn’t look at Harris' concerned eyes and continue to lie to him. It was like kicking a puppy or stealing candy from a child.

The reason Harris had even mic’d Eric up was because of his growing presence on social media. Centaurs Nation had really taken a liking to him and his engagement was astronomical. It was exciting to be received so well by the fans. Exciting. It was also exciting for Harris who was always looking for new ways to please the fans. So when Eric casually brought the idea up to Harris to do a mic'd up practice, he jumped on it.

Eric suddenly felt guilty for a whole new reason. He was wasting Harris’ precious time by not giving him any content.

“Sorry Harris, I’ve just been having a bleh day. I’ll do better.” He sighed and went to push away from the boards. Before he could, Harris placed a hand on his forearm. Eric looked down at it and then up into Harris’ kind eyes.

“You never have to apologize for having a bad day, buddy. We can always film another time.” He insisted with a small smile. 

There was something about his expression that read so much more than the words he said outloud. A silent, “I’m here if you need to talk," that Eric appreciated more than Harris would ever know.

It didn’t take long for Eric to realize that Harris was gay. Approximately 2.4 seconds into their first meeting when he saw the rainbow pins on Harris’ hat. It made him feel safe. Seen. Hopeful that maybe, one day, he could also be himself in the hockey world. Seeing Harris do just that had almost made Eric spill his guts to him on multiple occasions. The thoughts in his brain were just so confusing, so persistent, that having someone like Harris to be a sort of mentor through it all sounded nice. That feeling didn't last for long once he'd started training camp.

He had to keep his head down and focus. Work harder than he ever had before to make the team. Eric would do whatever it took to make it into the MLH, even play the part he’d been playing for years just to get there in the first place. He wasn’t going to let a few personal feelings get in the way of that.

When he’d made the team he had another moment of hopeful clarity. That was on the first media day when he was filming a segment with Luca, Harris, and Troy. It was just a little spark of something. A realization that maybe the people in this room would be okay if he showed them his true self. After the cameras stopped rolling and he found himself in the conference room again, surrounded by his teammates who were much manlier and older than him, that feeling dissolved again. Since then it came back in flickers; in stolen glances with Luca in between drills or when he listened to Luca’s even breathing in their shared hotel rooms. 

Any semblance of hope that remained in his brain quickly disappeared that afternoon though, right after Luca had told him to shut the fuck up.

It all came crashing down heavier than Eric expected it to; the realization that he may be the only MLH player who had feelings like this outside of Scott Hunter. Scott Hunter who was hundreds of miles away in New York City and didn’t even know that Eric existed. Scott Hunter who, even if he was one of the best players in the league, still hadn’t managed to shift the homophobic nature of the hockey world. Scott Hunter who was often the butt of Ilya’s jokes in the locker room. Scott Hunter who wasn’t there to help Eric with his confusing feelings about his best friend.

Back on the ice, Eric sent Harris a small smile.

“Don’t worry, Harris. I’m on it.” 

He forced himself back out onto the ice, cracking jokes with his teammates and cheering each of them on like he usually would on any other day. They responded to him in tune, chirping him like they always did, calling him by his last name in a way that reminded him he was still a rookie, still young. During a one-on-one drill with Wyatt, he was asking Wyatt all sorts of dumb questions about the Spiderverse in an attempt to distract him. Wyatt managed to answer all of them and still save Eric’s shot which got quite a few laughs out of his teammates, even Coach Wiebe.

Harris seemed to be eating it up. Every time Eric glanced in his direction he was smiling behind his camera, following Eric's every move on the ice like his personal paparazzi.

“You’re gonna have to do better than that if you want to get past The Wall.” Bood shoved him jokingly when he returned to the line-up.

Eric grinned over at him, “If I score on my next attempt can we stop for ice cream on the way home?”

“Deal. But we have to make it quick, Cassie has a doctor's appointment.”

He scored on his next attempt and celebrated like he’d just won the lottery. Everyone laughed. Even Luca. Eric ignored the way that made his heart flutter. He had to focus. He was there for a reason; to work hard, to perform like he always did. The light jokes and laughter of his teammates was only a reminder of that. Proof that he was doing a good job.

Deep down, under the padding of his gear and the faint sheen of sweat collecting on his sternum, his chest ached. He ignored it. There was no time for that. Not now. Not when he finally got his chance.

When he got home that night and Isabelle came over, he felt a bit better. She made him laugh, threw popcorn at him from across the couch. He liked her. She made him forget about that dull ache for a while.

But she wasn't Luca and she never would be. Eric didn't realize how heavy that weighted on his heart until it was too late.

Chapter 5: What Have I Done?

Chapter Notes

Note:This chapter jumps a few times, spanning Chapters 17 and 19 of the main fic, so apologies in advance! There’s also a brief exploration of Chapter 15, for those of you that asked for Eric’s POV on that whole situation heehee

San Jose, December 2020

Eric was excited for Luca’s first game back after recovery. It had been a long few weeks and Eric was just itching to get back out there with his best friend. It wasn’t the same without him, even if they didn’t play on the same line anymore, just knowing that Luca was on the ice brought Eric a sense of calm that he hadn’t realized until Luca wasn’t there.

As he watched Luca’s line whizz around the ice, he tried his hardest to stay present. He bit down hard on his mouth guard whenever one of San Jose’s players got a bit too close to Luca and flinched anytime they checked him into the boards. It brought back a round of memories and feelings that Eric didn’t want to think too hard about.

The truth was that Luca’s incident had taken a greater toll on Eric than he thought. For a while he couldn’t shake this guilt he had knowing that he was the one to feed the pass to Luca—the pass before he got slammed into the boards by Comeau. If he had just seen Comeau coming, if he had held onto the puck a little longer. Bood reminded him that he couldn't have predicted what was about to happen but it didn't make him feel much better. He remembered it all happening in slow motion. One minute Luca was receiving what was arguably a very good pass, the next moment he was lying motionless on the ice. 

Eric froze.

His heart stopped, his breath had completely failed him. He couldn’t take his eyes off of Luca, at least until both benches swarmed the ice and he was quickly pulled into a scrap with one of Montreal's rookies. He doesn’t remember much of that fight but he remembered being corralled back to the bench by Wyatt.

“He’s okay. He’s okay. Everything is going to be okay. It's okay."

It’s all that Bood could whisper to Eric as he stood with him on the bench, one arm wrapped around Eric’s chest protectively from where he stood behind him. It almost felt like he was repeating the words to himself more than Eric at that point. He tried his best to believe them as he watched Luca get dragged back to the bench by Ilya and Shane Hollander. His head was hanging the whole way.

Eric hadn’t realized he was crying until Shane shot him a sympathetic smile. The rest of the night was a blur after that.

Back in San Jose’s stomping grounds, Eric didn’t seem to be the only one keeping a careful eye on Luca. Ilya had an eye on Luca every time they stepped foot into the ice. It was like he had this sixth sense; his brain was entirely focussed on the game in the way that Eric always admired but a smaller part of him stayed connected to Luca wherever he was, like the rookie was an extension of himself. It made Eric feel just a bit better, enough to focus on his own game.

A little while later when Eric scored his own goal, he pointed directly at the closest camera and winked. Isabelle had told him she’d be watching his game that night and she asked him to go score for her so he did. A smaller part of him knew it wasn’t just for her, though, as he bumped gloves with the guys on the bench. 

On their next line change, Eric shuffled down the bench so that he could plop down next to Luca. Troy scooched over to make room for him, something that the guys had become accustomed to overtime.

“Nice goal, Eric!” Luca smiled over at him. Eric grinned out of the side of his mouth as he squeezed water into it.

“Thanks, Haasy.” He panted.

Luca glanced back at the play on the ice and, reluctantly, so did Eric.

“Who were you winking at?” Holmberg asked from a few guys down the bench, leaning his forearms against the boards to get a better look at Eric. 

“No one.” Eric chuckled.

“Oh, c’mon.” Troy said. He shoved Eric's shoulder which he quickly returned with a shove of his own. The guys kept going, teasing him relentlessly until he felt like he had to say something just to shut them up.

“Just my girlfriend.” He said it quickly, trying to make it sound as casual as possible without getting too defensive. It wasn’t a big deal. Plenty of guys had girlfriends on the team, there was nothing special about him having one too. It definitely didn’t need to become a spectacle in the way that it quickly did.

Some of the guys whistled, others leaned over to clap him on the back. Luca stayed awfully silent. His eyes never left the ice, like he was unimpressed with the buffoonery happening on the bench and they all had more important things to be thinking about, like winning the game.

“Might have to get another goal for her then.” Holmberg teased. 

Eric just rolled his eyes. When the guys finally settled he stole a sideways glance at Luca. His focus was still on the game, jaw clenched, as he tracked the puck all around the ice. When Coach Wiebe tapped him on the shoulder for his line change, Luca shot up and over the boards so fast it made Eric flinch.

"Eager beaver." Holmberg joked under his breath as he slid down the bench to sit beside Eric. He let out a distracted chuckle as he watched Luca check one of the defender's into the boards with brute force. 

The rest of the game was fairly normal. Except for Luca. He’d turned into an absolute beast on the ice, proving to everyone why a silly little concussion had zero effect on his game. It was almost as if he’d forgotten Dr. Terry’s strict orders to take it easy when he got back out there. It worried Eric as he watched his best friend fly across the ice like a man on fire. 

It made Eric smile seeing Luca play like that. Everytime he got a goal, which was twice somehow, he was the loudest one on the bench. He would jump to his feet before anyone else even registered the goal, before the horn would even blare, and he smiled wide at Luca both times he skated back to celebrate with the team on the bench. 

Both times, Luca didn’t even look at him.

When they filed off the ice that night, another win under their belt, the guys were ecstatic. Dykstra immediately put on their post-win playlist and started jumping around the locker room with Chouinard under one arm and LaPointe under the other. Eric would've enjoyed it had his best friend not been absolutely seething beside him. He watched as Luca tore his gear off recklessly, throwing his gloves and pads into his stall with a bit too much force. He ignored a few of the guys when they complimented his game and didn't care when others gave him worried glances. Eric caught Ilya's gaze across the room and he raised an eyebrow at him. Eric shook his head ever so slightly, so as not to perturb Luca any further. He had not clue what was happening but it wasn't like Luca.

It only got worse when Luca shoved past Ilya's shoulder towards the showers. That's when more guys picked up on something off.

“Just teenagers, man.” Bood tried to reassure Ilya with a clap on his shoulder. Ilya slumped back into his stall with a small nod. It was clear that he didn't agree with whatever Bood has said.

“He’s still recovering.” Troy tired this time, a bit quieter so as to not bring anyone else into it. It didn't matter, the vibes were off in the locker room immediately. Dykstra turned down the volume of the music, just a bit, and the rest of the guys continued with their post-game routines. It was clear that people were confused and uncomfortable. Ilya even stared off into space for a bit.

Eric met Troy’s eyes across the locker room. He was looking at Eric like he knew something, like he was peeling apart the folds in Eric's brain layer by layer. Eric quickly went back to shrugging off his own gear, trying not to think too much of it.

He naively thought that things would be better when they got to Los Angeles for their day off. All Luca needed was some time to relax and Eric had a whole plan for them to achieve just that. They would go for breakfast in the morning with LaPointe before Luca’s Talkin’ Puck appearance. Then, when he returned, the three of them could go lounge by the pool for a bit. Luca could do whatever he needed to unwind; he could just sit there and draw for hours if he wanted to, that would’ve been fine with Eric. He would’ve entertained himself and LaPointe anyways, maybe suggest a canon ball competition or finally play mermaids with LaPointe like he always wanted to. Then they could maybe arrange to go for a dinner with some of the other guys. It sounded like the perfect day.

Only when he woke up that morning and Luca’s bed was empty did he realize that something was wrong. It set the whole trajectory of his day off.

///

Edmonton, December 2020

“Okay, Youngster, what the heck is going on?” Bood leaned across the table once Ilya and Luca had retreated for the night. All eyes turned to him. Eric just continued to stare down at his plate. 

He didn’t even know how to answer that question but he wished he did. Since their San Jose game, Luca had been avoiding Eric altogether and it was driving Eric crazy. He sat with Ilya on planes and bus rides, he didn’t partner-up with him during practices like he usually did, and he didn’t so much as glance in his direction in the locker room. He’d even spent their time in Calgary sharing a room with Ilya which Eric could’ve sworn only had one bed. The thought made him sick to his stomach.

It didn’t take long for the guys to notice either. If not for the bags that had formed under Eric’s eyes then the clear distance that only seemed to grow between them as they traveled to more cities. At one point Coach Wiebe had even pulled Eric aside to make sure he was okay. He offered to get him connected with the team therapist if he needed it. Eric quickly declined and promised their Coach that he was fine, that he was going to pull his socks up. It only made him feel a little better when Coach squeezed his shoulder and reassured him that he was a human, not a robot; that no one expected him to be “on” all the time. That comment took Eric off-guard. He'd never heard those words from a coach before.

“Seriously, you and Luca aren’t even talking right now. It’s freaking me out.” Wyatt added, nudging Eric to bring him back into his body.

Eric could barely understand it himself but he was starting to have thoughts that made him sick to his stomach. He just kept replaying their last interaction in his mind. How Luca had gone silent when he admitted to dating Isabelle. How he saw red on the ice. How he hadn’t been the same since.

A part of him thought that surely that wasn’t a normal reaction for your straight best friend to have in response to you telling them you had a girlfriend. An even smaller part of him felt vindicated, like he’d known that Luca’s behaviour towards him over the past few months was much more than just friendship. The thought terrified him. Even if that conclusion made sense, he couldn’t let himself go there. It hurt too much. Realizing that maybe Luca liked him back. Realizing that he was dating Isabelle. 

Isabelle. She’d been so supportive ever since their San Jose game. They FaceTimed that night, when Eric was roaming aimlessly around the hotel trying to make excuses to stay out long enough that maybe Luca would be asleep by the time he returned to the room. She reassured him that Luca was still recovering, that sometimes concussions could change a person’s personality for a little bit, that he would likely feel better in the morning. She even helped Eric brainstorm some ways to make Luca feel better, all because she was Eric’s girlfriend and she wanted him to be happy. The guilt hit him like a fucking truck. He couldn't hurt her.

"Buddy?" Bood's words brought Eric out of his thoughts.

He was suddenly aware of just how many eyes were on him at that moment; at the very least, Bood, Wyatt, Troy, and LaPointe were staring at him around the table. He was convinced that some of the surrounding conversations had also quieted to listen in for his answer. Eric's lip quivered. If he stayed there for another second he knew that he would break out into tears and that's the last thing he needed right now. 

Eric pushed himself away from the table and left the restaurant quickly. 

Bood called out after him. He didn’t turn back around.

///

After their game in Edmonton—another loss, another day of Luca avoiding Eric—he sat alone in the hotel room. He glanced over at the empty bed and thought about what Luca could be doing with Ilya at that moment. In their shared hotel room. In their shared bed.

No, that was stupid. There was nothing going on between them. Eric was just sad and angry and filling in gaps that he had no other information to fill them in with.

He scrolled on Twitter hoping that it would make him feel better. It didn’t.

@yaas257: 

Another Cens game, another day without new Yaas content :(

❤️7.2k 🔁1.1k 💬124

     ↪ @yaaaaaaass: 

         no like i’m actually starting to worry…

         ❤️5.5k 🔁984 💬123

              ↪ @metrosguy93: 

                  You guys really need to get a life

                  ❤️182 🔁56 💬101

@ilyuca81: the #ilyuca shippers are up rn

❤️637 🔁72 💬86

     ↪ @rozybaby: 

         wtf thats literally his son

        ❤️1.3k 🔁158 💬85

@talkinpuckpod: soooo how’s everyone liking the new ep?

❤️13k 🔁2.6k 💬873

     ↪ @lucas_glasses: 

          This is the only thing holding me over rn

          ❤️2.8k 🔁341 💬566

                ↪ @yaas257: 

                    Can we talk about the cookies??? What does that even mean???

                    ❤️2.2k 🔁172 💬486

As Eric scrolled his curiosity got the better of him. He pulled up Luca’s Talkin’ Puck episode before he could stop himself. It had been something that they’d been talking about since the day Luca got the Instagram message from Brad Hammersmith inviting him on. Luca was excited about it but also nervous. Eric had tried to reassure him many times that it was going to be okay. Luca wasn’t so sure.

Haasy: What if I ask them if you could join me? We could do like a joint podcast?

Was a text that Eric had received one morning, a few days after Luca had received the invite. It made Eric stop dead in his tracks. He had to read the text a few times just to let himself believe it. No one was dm-ing him about podcast appearances or reaching out to his new agent to do brand deals with him. It would be a big deal to go on a big podcast like Talkin' Puck. Huge.

Still, he didn’t get his hopes up.

Eric: You’re going to do great, you don’t need me!

Luca’s response was almost immediate. 

Haasy: I think I do

Eric ignored the way his stomach fluttered. He didn’t respond, instead opting to get out of bed and get ready for the day ahead. He had planned to stop by Isabelle’s cafe ahead of practice just to say hello and see her smile. Luca never mentioned the podcast again after that last exchange.

The opening jingle for the podcast pulled Eric out of his thoughts. The beginning of the episode was exactly what Eric expected; a surface-level dive into Luca’s upbringing, his time spent in the U20 Elit League back home, and his growing relationship with Ilya. When one of the hosts, Johnny, brought up the fight against Comeau Eric had to bite the inside of his cheek. He knew that Luca didn't like to talk about that night. Luca's hands immediately disappeared under the table they were sitting at, presumably fiddling with the chord attached to his headphones. Anyone watching this wouldn’t have noticed that but Eric did. Eric knew his nervous ticks.

When the conversation finally rolled around to Luca's friendship with Eric, he held his breath. He wasn’t quite sure if he was happy or sad when Johnny brought him up. Luca gave quick, measured answers to his questions. He’d dumbed down their friendship in a way that Eric didn’t like. Like he meant nothing to Luca, like he could’ve been any other rookie entering this league with him and said the exact same thing about them. And he’d looped LaPointe into the conversation even though Johnny had only asked about him. Eric chuckled bitterly to himself. Nothing against Pointer, he was easily one of Eric's closest friends, but it was clear to everyone on the team that what Luca and Eric had was special. They were best friends. Their bond was unmatched. 

His stomach churned the longer he watched the podcast. Eric wasn’t sure how much more he could handle. He debated turning it off before Johnny's next statement caught his attention.

"I heard a little rumour about you two." Johnny said cheekily. Eric held his breath.

"Oh yeah?" Luca chuckled nervously. He noticed the way that Luca’s smile faltered, how he went completely still in his chair. How his eyes glazed over ever so slightly, his thoughts pulling him elsewhere. Eric’s heart pounded in his chest as he waited for Johnny to continue.

"About cookies."

Oh.

"Cookies?" Brad raised a quizzical eyebrow at Luca.

Eric waited patiently for Luca to say something, anything, but he looked like he was still processing.

Eric wasn’t quite sure what he wanted Luca to say at that moment. Their nights shared in hotel rooms across the continent were so special to him, so private. It was just the two of them being themselves; watching movies they loved from their childhood, cracking jokes that would inevitably be dragged onto the ice the next day. The two of them ranking the cookies like it was a practiced science. Eric making fun of Luca for being too lenient with his rankings. He selfishly didn’t want anyone to know about those memories.

A smaller part of him—an angrier part that had widdled its way into Eric's brain amidst Luca's silence—wanted everyone to know. He wanted them to know what they did behind closed doors. He wanted them to make their edits and post their Tweets so that Eric felt a little less crazy about the pain he was experiencing. So that everyone would know that their speculations were correct, maybe. That there was so much deeper to his friendship with Luca. Something sweet and intimate and precious. Something special.

But Eric didn’t get to have those thoughts anymore. He wouldn’t let himself. Not when Luca had shut him down over a month ago. Not when he accepted that Luca would only ever be his best friend. Not when he had Isabelle in his life and she made him happy. Not when he was doing everything he was supposed to do. Not when his life was supposed to be getting better…

Eric wasn't sure how long Luca had been silent for when he returned his attention to the screen. 

"It's nothing." Luca waved off. The podcast hosts didn't look convinced. Johnny clearly wanted to press more but Brad quickly made a joke about how the fans could take their best guess about what the rumour was. Luca just smiled.

Eric slammed his laptop. He didn’t go on social media for the rest of the day.

///

Ottawa, December 2020

"You've got this." Bood reassured him from the driver's seat.

They were sitting in Ilya's driveway and Eric was trying to pluck up the courage to go inside. To talk to Luca. To confirm what was wrong. To apologize if he had to. Eric tapped his fingers against the side of the door. They had been sitting there for a few minutes. Eric was still deliberating whether it was even a good idea to go inside but they’d driven all this way and his flight was only in a couple hours. This would be his last chance to see Luca before the holidays. 

When he finally plucked up the courage to knock on the door, Ilya answered it. He scanned Eric once over, eyes landing on the small gift bag in his hand,  expression unreadable.

“Oh, Young.” Ilya sounded shocked to see him, “What are you doing here?” 

Eric forced a smile on his face. No backing down now. 

“What? I can’t stop by my captain’s house unannounced?” He joked.

“No, no you cannot.” Ilya dead panned. 

Eric laughed but Ilya stepped aside anyway. His heart pounded in his ears as he shuffled off his shoes and rounded the corner. Luca was sitting at the dining room table, the same one they’d played beer pong at during their Halloween party just a couple months before. There was a large Bristol board and an assortment of art materials strewn across the table.

It was awkward from the moment Luca’s eyes landed on him. Eric had to force the conversation along at points, like he was pushing a boulder up a hill, but he didn’t care. He was just happy that Luca was talking to him again.

There was a pause in the conversation where Eric struggled with what to say next. He’d run out of all of his pre-planned talking points and now all he had to do was ask what was wrong. He couldn't bring himself to do it and Luca didn't seem all that fussed either. 

Luca just continued making his welcome sign for Sophia. He was only sketching out the bubble letters but it already looked perfect. Eric watched as Luca carefully measured out each letter with his ruler, trying to make them perfectly spaced out. Amidst his concentration he had stuck his tongue out the side of his mouth. It was adorable.

When he started to sort through the pile of stickers beside him, his fingers moved nimbly through the different sheets. There was something charming about the way his large hands could do something so delicate, so careful. Eric cleared his throat to put that thought to an abrupt stop.

“I got you something.” He blurted out. Luca met his gaze again and he furrowed his eyebrows.

“You did?”

A small smile crept onto Eric’s face. 

“For Christmas.” He nodded eagerly, letting his excitement take over instead of his nerves.

“Oh wait, I didn’t know we were doing gifts.” Luca’s eyes widened. 

Somehow Eric didn’t believe him but he took Luca’s words at face value anyway.

“It’s just something small, don’t worry about it.” He chuckled.

He placed the small gift bag in one of the few empty spaces on the table. Luca sent him a sheepish smile as he grabbed the bag and pulled out the tissue paper. A bubble of laughter escaped him when he saw it. It made Eric’s chest warm.

It was a chocolate chip cookie stuffed animal with black eyes and a small smile on its face. Luca flicked the dangly legs at the bottom of it as he smiled over at Eric. He was already grinning back at him.

“I figured he could join your collection!” Eric beamed, thinking about the other stuffed animals Luca had up on his bed already. He was a bit shy about them but when Eric first saw them in the back of a FaceTime call back in October, he thought they were cute. He had his own childhood teddy back home with his grandparents. He missed it sometimes.

“I love it. Thank you.” Luca said emphatically.

The way that Luca smiled over at Eric made his heart melt. It was the same smile he’d seen countless times over the past few months, the one that was ever-trusting. The one that he hadn’t seen in the past week of silence. He’d missed it more than he cared to admit.

Luca propped up his new stuffed animal against the box of markers sitting beside him. He arranged its legs so that they were crossed over one another like a distinguished gentleman. Eric chuckled.

“What are you going to name him?” He prompted.

“I don’t know.” Luca stared at the little stuffed animal in careful contemplation. 

“What about Eric?” Eric joked, chasing that smile on Luca’s face. It returned but it came with a sarcastic roll of his eyes. Eric pressed on with a new air of confidence, “That way when you miss me you can give Eric junior a hug.”

“You’re gone for like three days.” 

“Three days is a long time.” 

“Whatever.” Luca mumbled as he averted his eyes down to his welcome sign again. His smile slowly faded as if the memory of the past week had crept up on him. Eric’s smile faltered as well. He could sense that the energy between them had changed without Luca having to say anything. 

Luca cleared his throat, “When’s your flight?” 

Eric looked down at his Apple Watch even though he knew the answer.

“A couple hours.” He said. 

“You should probably get going then.” Luca offered simply. Eric's stomach fluttered with a renewed anxiety as Luca’s eyes darted all around the welcome sign again, trying to decide where to place his stickers.

He was right but it didn’t mean that it hurt any less. 

“Oh, yeah. For sure.” Eric got up from the table. He paused to look at Luca again as he stuffed his hands in his pockets, “Well, Merry Christmas, Haasy.”

“Merry Christmas, Eric.” 

Eric hesitated for a moment as he looked down at Luca. He wanted to say so much more. He wanted to hug him, to ask him if he was still mad at him, to tell him how much he would miss him in a way that wasn’t an off-handed joke. Instead he pivoted on his heel and left the house quickly.

Bood drove him to the airport in absolute silence, unable to get much out of Eric than a simple, "It went well." Somehow amidst Eric's silence he figured that Bood didn't believe him.

A dull ache had settled in Eric's chest by the time he got onto the flight. He typed out a quick text to Isabelle just to let her know that he got onto the plane safely, then he clicked into his text chain with Luca. His thumb hovered over the last texts they’d exchanged before Luca had gone radio silent.

Eric: Good luck on the podcast today! You’re going to kill it👊👊

Luca never replied to that text.

Eric turned his phone on airplane mode and tried to get settled for the long flight ahead. It was no use. He put on a random movie and convinced himself that he was watching it. His thoughts trailed for the whole five hours.

Chapter 6: Daniella

Chapter Notes

Note: this takes place during Chapter 21 of the main fic...the moment you've all have been waiting for heehee

TW: internalized homophobia

Ottawa, December 2020

When Eric returned from his Christmas break he felt a lot better than he did when he left. He tried to make the most of his time back home; he helped his grandpa sort the lumber in their yard, he baked cookies with his grandmother, he even had a bonfire with some of his friends just to catch up on life. No matter what he did, though, he couldn’t get Luca out of his mind. Not even after a late night of drinking with friends; a night that resulted in most of them shaving their heads. Don’t ask him why, he couldn’t explain the drunken rationale even if he tried.

His thoughts only amplified when he saw Ilya share a photo with Luca and his sister, Sophia, on Christmas morning. They were wearing matching pajamas, except for Sophia’s new Rozanov jersey, which Ilya was boasting about. They looked like a little family, all with their shared blonde hair and blue eyes. Luca was smiling in the photos; he looked happier than Eric had seen him in weeks. Eric wanted to be happy for him, he really did, but he wanted to share in that happiness. And so the dull ache sat in his chest as he replayed the story over and over again.

"What's on your mind?" His grandmother asked as the three of them sat around the living room. Wrapping paper and bags still littered the floor from where they'd previously opened gifts and there was a faint smell of cinnamon rolls being warmed up in the oven. His grandfather put another log on the fire, glancing over his shoulder at the sound of his wife's words.

"Nothing." Eric mumbled under his breath, clicking into Luca's story this time to see that he'd reposted Ilya's story.

"It doesn't seem like nothing."

"Dorothy." His grandfather said in a warning tone. Eric glanced between his grandparents who were too busy staring at one another, having one of those non-verbal conversations they'd perfected after countless decades together. Eric would've been amused by this had the silent conversation not been about him. It appeared that the two of them were continuing a previous conversation that Eric was not privy to, likely about his sour mood leading up to Christmas that he tried and ultimately failed to hide once he stepped off the plane. His grandparents knew him too well.

"What?" He sighed.

Eric put his phone on the table beside him and turned his full attention to them. They seemed to snap out of it. His grandfather sighed as he walked across the room and fell back into his recliner. He flipped through the TV guide until he got to the channel that always played Harry Potter marathons over the holidays. He seemed hopeful that it would distract Eric from the conversation. He was wrong.

"If you have something to say, just say it." Eric insisted.

His heart was beating a bit faster in his chest as he caught his grandmother's gaze from across the room. Her expression carried that usual combination of concern and kindness, her dull brown eyes scanning his face for any sign of stress. Eric felt vulnerable under her gaze. She could read him like a book she'd personally written and he knew it. She sighed.

"You've been off since your game in San Jose." She admitted exasperatedly, tucking her bookmark into one of the books that Eric had bought her for Christmas, "And you haven't mentioned Luca at all. Normally he's all you want to talk about."

Eric froze under the weight of her words.

Did they know? Had they pieced it all together? Had he not hidden it as well as he previously thought he was? No, surely they just thought that him and Luca were in some sort of normal fight that best friends have. Maybe they thought that he was tired, that the travel had caught up to him, that everything had bubbled over into some big blow out behind the scenes. That sounded realistic. Believable. At least, that's what Eric told himself as his blood rushed through his ears.

A smaller part of him wondered if he should just confirm their shared suspicions. Maybe he could just rip the bandaid off and get it all off his chest. To just say, "Grandma, Grandpa. I'm bisexual."

The thought terrified him. 

It's not that his grandparents were homophobic, at least, not that he could tell. They were fairly progressive for an older couple; for his grandfather who worked in the logging industry his whole life, for his grandmother who was a stay at home mother and then grandmother. He wondered if they'd always been that way or if the struggles they had with his mother's addiction made them that way. Maybe it was neither, maybe when they took him in as a toddler they softened in a way that second-time parents were able to. They could exhale knowing that they'd done this once before, that they could do it again. Hopefully this time with a bit more luck.

Eric didn't want to leave it up to luck, though, he'd decided that at a very young age. He would be good for his grandparents. He wanted to prove to them that the way his mother had turned out had nothing to do with them and everything to do with her illness. Somewhere along the line good turned into perfect. Even though perfect was impossible, he tried his hardest anyways. He had striven for that his whole life.

Being bisexual wasn't perfect, though. He'd learned that from a young age, too, since his grandfather introduced him to hockey at the age of five. At first it was an escape, something to take him away from the realities of life. Then it became something else. Just another way for him to be perfect. And perfect hockey players were straight.

Eric was terrified to tell his grandparents the truth. He didn't want them to look at him differently. He couldn't handle them being silently disappointed in him for it. If he said those words out loud then he could never take them back. It made everything permanent. And it meant that the situation he found himself in was real—that he couldn't ignore it anymore. That he had to do something about it.

Eric's phone rang suddenly. He looked down at it to see Isabelle's photo lighting up his screen.

He answered it immediately, completely ignoring the way that his grandparent's eyes followed him out of the room. They didn't mention Luca again.

Back in the Canadian Tire Centre family room, Eric tried his best to push that memory aside. He was stood with one arm wrapped around Isabelle as Cassie complained about her swollen ankles. Eric jokingly offered to bring one of their physiotherapists in there to give her a massage.

“Don’t threaten me with a good time.” She grumbled. Eric couldn’t quite tell if she was joking or not but he laughed anyway. Hopefully she wouldn’t take him up on that offer because he didn’t think he had a pull with the physiotherapists just yet. Maybe Bood could convince them.

As the girls fell into a conversation about how many months Cassie had left in her pregnancy, Eric kept glancing up at the clock. He was counting down the minutes until Luca would walk through those doors, trying to reassure himself that everything would be fine. It was a fresh start, they were entering the back-half of the season, and he could set the pace for what these next few months looked like together. 

He decided on the flight back to Ottawa that he was going to make this friendship with Luca work even if it was the last thing he did. He couldn't handle another day of the silent treatment and, with that goal in mind, he'd come up with a list of things he wanted to focus on. They read as follows:

1. Suppress any and all thoughts about Luca that aren't purely platonic

2. Try to engage Luca in previous friend activities (i.e: movie nights, going to coffee shops,

    workouts, etc)...maybe include LaPointe more?

3. Focus on relationship with Isabelle (she is too good to you)

4. Do NOT pull the team into your immature bullshit

5.  Win 

Eric replayed them in his mind like a mantra as he stood in the family room waiting for Luca to show up. Everything was going to be fine. It was all going to go exactly as planned, if Eric just tried his hardest—

“Babe, I think Luca and his sister are here.” Isabelle whispered to him, pulling Eric out of his thoughts. He spun around.

All previous thoughts slipped out of his brain the minute his eyes landed on Luca. He was walking into the family room looking as handsome as ever in a maroon suit. His hair was perfectly quaffed and he pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose like he always did when he was just a little bit nervous. When his eyes finally found Eric's, he beamed.

“Haasy!” He practically yelled. He couldn’t help himself, he ran across the room and directly into Luca’s arms. Luca chuckled at him which made him smile impossibly wider.

“You’re bald.” Luca said when he pulled away from the hug. There was a small smirk on his lips as he looked Eric over. Eric’s breath hitched in his throat. He hoped that Luca liked what he saw.

“I am.” He rubbed a hand over his head as he took Luca in as well. Nothing had changed in Luca’s appearance but he did seem more relaxed. Clearly spending time with his sister had helped.

He turned to Sophia with a kind smile and stuck out his hand, “And you must be Sophia! It’s so nice to finally meet you.”

She was as beautiful as Luca was but there were some small differences between them. Where Luca had softer features, Sophia’s were more defined. She had sharper eyebrows and high cheekbones. And she was tall, not as tall as either of them, but tall enough that if she wanted to be a model she probably could.

Sophia took his hand in her own, “I’ve heard so much about you.”

She smiled up at him in a way that was almost familiar. Eric's heart fluttered.

“Oh no,” He chuckled as he glanced over at Luca, “Only the good things, I hope.”

“I didn’t realize there would be bad things.” She joked, grinning sideways at her big brother.

So she had the same humour as Luca too. Eric liked her already. 

“Is Isabelle here?” Luca asked politely, clearing his throat.

“Oh uh yeah, she’s just over here.” Eric suddenly remembered why they were there in the first place and he pivoted on his heel. He led them through the room of squealing toddlers and chattering wives to the corner where he’d left Cassie and Isabelle.

Isabelle smiled up at him as he approached and he took a deep breath. This was the moment of truth, the moment that he’d been stewing over since Isabelle first asked to come to one of his games. He was a bit hesitant about it, naively thinking that it might be too soon, but Cassie reassured him that she went to her first Centaur’s game only a month into dating Bood. That made him feel a bit better about the idea, even as his heart rate picked up. He pulled Isabelle into his side protectively and turned to Luca with a big smile.

“Isabelle, I want you to meet my best friend, Luca.”

“It’s so nice to properly meet you!” She smiled up at the two of them, “Eric talks about you all the time.”

Eric really hoped that the warmth he felt spreading across his face wasn’t visible under his big smile. He knew how much she’d been looking forward to this moment, seeing as Eric didn’t have any family in town and the most important people to him were the guys. Especially Luca.

“I wish I could say the same." Luca chuckled dryly.

Eric’s smile faltered. He could feel Isabelle tense under his arm and he really wanted to say something, to wave off Luca's comment as an ill-timed joke, but he didn’t have to. Sophia dug a hard elbow into Luca's side which made him wince.

"Luca," Sophia said with a nervous laugh, "Sorry, he's got a sick sense of humour. I'm Sophia."

Eric wasn’t quite sure if he would describe Luca’s humour as “sick” but he let it slide as Isabelle shook Sophia’s hand. They exchanged a few more pleasantries like how Sophia really liked the vintage Centaurs jacket that Isabelle had thrifted years ago. Eric just stared at Luca, trying to get a read on him, but Luca didn’t give him much. He avoided Eric’s gaze entirely. It only made Eric more frustrated.

“So how are you feeling about the game tonight?” Isabelle nudged Eric’s side gently. He knew that she could feel the tension between them and was doing her best to save him from it. He appreciated that as he managed a small smile down at her.

“I’m feeling good about it." Eric said. He looked back over at Luca, waiting for him to answer.

Nothing.

"I heard that Daniella Harper is singing the national anthem tonight?" Sophia offered in the uncomfortable silence.

“No way,” Isabelle gasped, “I love her!”

“Who?” Luca looked down at Sophia, confused. Eric really wanted to laugh but he stopped himself.

Of course Luca had no clue who Daniella Harper was, he was never on social media. Meanwhile, the rest of the world’s For You Page was flooded with this girl. Heck, she’d just been on the Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon.

“Daniella Harper. That girl that LaPointe is always talking about. She’s getting big on TikTok.” Eric supplied.

Luca just nodded slowly.

“Do you think there’s a way that we could meet her tonight?” Isabelle looked up at Eric hopefully. 

He really had no pull in this organization. He lied anyway.

“I’ll see what I can do.” Eric smiled down at her. That answer seemed to satisfy her as she grinned up at him.

Luca sighed loudly, “I think I might head back and start my stretches.”

Eric glanced at the clock. They still had plenty of time. 

“Are you okay? Do you need anything?” Luca asked his little sister. He seemed genuinely worried to leave her there. It would’ve been sweet if Eric wasn’t already annoyed at him.

Sophia rolled her eyes at him jokingly, “Don’t worry about me, I’m fine here. Go.” 

Luca didn’t hesitate. He politely said goodbye to Cassie, who hadn't even been apart of the conversation, and then left with no more than a quick glance in Isabelle's direction. Eric deflated as he watched Luca leave. Sophia quickly fell into a conversation with Cassie, apparently already having a rapport with one another after Bood’s bonfire the day before, and Eric turned to Isabelle with a sad smile. 

“I’m sorry.” He said to her quietly, wrapping his arms around her waist. 

She smiled up at him, “Don’t be sorry. I think he was just..nervous.”

Eric didn't believe those words anymore than Isabelle did but neither of them said anything about it.

“Go get ready.” She stood up on her tippy toes and planted a soft kiss on Eric’s lips. It comforted him less than he hoped it would.

He smiled down at her anyways, “I’ll see you after the game? I think we’re all going to Monks.” 

“Of course.” She dropped her hands from around his neck and stepped away, “Now go score a goal for me.”

“I’ll try.” Eric chuckled. 

When he walked out into the hallway, Luca was long gone. 

Good, he didn't want to talk to him before the game anyways.

///

“Let’s give a warm welcome to Daniella Harper!” Coach Wiebe announced.

Eric wasn’t exactly paying attention when she walked into the room. He was busy tying the last of his skates and trying to settle his breathing. When the other guys started cheering and smacking their sticks around the room, he clapped along politely. Some of the guys were going a bit overboard with it, especially LaPointe, who was by far the loudest of them all. 

“Hello, thanks for having me!” She waved to the guys around the room. 

When Eric finally looked at her he had to do a double take. She was beautiful, there was no arguing that, but that’s not what caught his eye.

She was wearing Luca’s jersey. 

His brain short-circuited, eyes widening at the number 2 plastered on her upper arm. He wasn’t really thinking when he nudged Luca’s thigh—of course, Luca didn’t even look sideways at him, too busy staring down at the ground to really register what was going on around him—but Eric couldn't help it. It was sort of an instinctual thing to warn him that something was about to happen, like an animal sensing a threat before it even presented itself. If only he knew just how true that assessment was when he watched the next scene unfold in front of him.

“Nice jersey, eh Haasy?” Dykstra’s teasing brought Luca out of his thoughts. 

Eric watched Luca take in the scene in slow motion. He looked over at Dykstra with furrowed eyebrows and then around the room at their teammates who were clearly entertained by his confusion. When he finally looked up at Daniella his lips parted ever so slightly. Whether it was at her beauty or the jersey, Eric wasn't sure, but he hated every second of it.

Daniella looked over at Dykstra with a raised eyebrow, then to Harris who probably gave her the jersey just a few moments before. All logical thoughts about celebrity guests picking their own jersey number suddenly escaped Eric as he stared Harris down. He just smiled sheepishly behind the camera, filming the whole interaction for socials. Eric knew that it would do numbers on TikTok and he also knew that he would be in it, sitting right beside Luca like he always did. He clenched his jaw to prevent the scowl that threatened to surface otherwise.

“Wait, I’m wearing a Harper jersey, am I not?” She questioned aloud and peered over her shoulder to double check that her own name was written across the back. Of course she knew that she was wearing a custom jersey, even as she did a performative spin for the guys. Eric wanted to roll his eyes but he had to admit that the sight of Harper written across her back instead of Haas made him feel a little better. Beside him, Luca let go of a shaky breath. 

“Does someone else wear the number two?” Daniella asked. She looked around the room, almost like a lioness on the hunt, before she finally found Luca. Her eyes narrowed at him. 

“What’s your name, two?” She tucked the clipboard under her arms and squared herself towards him, one foot planted firmly in front of the other.

The room fell silent. Eric held his breath. 

“Luca Haas.” He replied confidently. Too confident for the anxious boy that Eric was used to.

“Well, Haas, you’re going to have to change your number because two is mine.” She smirked.

It was a joke but there was a sharp edge to her words. The guys all fell into hysterics around them, almost taunting Luca as he held Daniella's gaze intimately. Eric forced himself to laugh alongside them. The sound was foreign to his own ears. It betrayed the fire that was lit inside of his chest and the hairs that stood on end at the back of his neck.

It's fine. Just some light teasing. 

Eric stole a quick glance over at Luca who was still staring at Daniella, his eyes lit up like a fucking Christmas tree. Eric had never seen anything like it. He shifted uncomfortably in his stall, waiting for the guys to quiet down. 

Nothing could’ve prepared Eric for the next words out of Luca’s mouth.

“Or you could change your last name.” Luca shot back. 

Eric’s jaw dropped. All hell broke loose around them; some of the guys were surprised, others were egging Luca on, all of them were acting like a bunch of prepubescent boys in a high school cafeteria. It made Eric sick to his stomach.

Luca stared Daniella down as she tried her hardest to gain control of the room again, but she was blushing. She was enjoying this. 

Eric hated every second of it. He just wanted them to wrap it up so that they could go play this stupid game and then go to the stupid bar afterwards and get this whole day over with. Eventually, the guys settled enough that Daniella could read out the starting line. They all knew who was on it and who wasn’t but for some reason not hearing his name called stung a little more than usual. He didn’t dare look up when Daniella read Luca’s name last. He couldn’t trust himself. Instead, he bit down on the inside of his cheek until he tasted blood. 

When everyone left the locker room and it was just the Centaurs again, the teasing continued.

“Geez, Haasy. I didn’t know you had it in you.” Bood chuckled. Luca grinned to himself as he stood up to grab his helmet and gloves from the department above his stall. 

Eric took a sudden interest in his laces which he untied and re-tied again. For good luck, he tried to tell himself. It was harder to do with the way his hands were shaking. He waited until all of the guys left the locker room to try to calm himself down. He closed his eyes and took a few deep breaths.

I'm okay. Everything is okay.

He took measured breaths in and out as he reassured himself. He was going to go out there and play a good game. For himself. For Isabelle who was so excited to watch him, who wanted him to score for her.

“Fuck.” Eric cursed under his breath. He forced himself to his feet, grabbed his stick from where it was leaning against the wall, and walked out into the hallway.

Harris sent him a small smile as he walked past which Eric couldn’t bring himself to return. He fiddled with the clasp of his helmet and shoved his gloves on, left first and then right, like usual. When he walked past the line-up of guys to assume his spot near the front of the pack, Ilya tapped his stick against Eric’s shins. 

He glanced back at his captain.

“Chin up, Young. You’ve got some goals to score.” Ilya said. Eric gulped.

He wanted to believe his captain, he really did, but his motivational words only made Eric more nervous as he stepped out onto the ice. 

He proceeded to play the worst game of his life.

Chapter 7: Out

Chapter Notes

Note: this takes place during Chapter 21 of the main fic, the night after their first game back (when they get back from Monks)

I sort of wrote this as a bonus chapter because so many people wanted to see Eric's coming out scene to Bood and Cassie, and also because, selfishly, I wanted to write more found family content <3

Ottawa, December 2020

Maybe Eric was being naive but he had a sneaking suspicion that Luca's energy on the ice had nothing to do with impressing Daniella and everything to do with pissing him off. When Luca scored in the second period, he completely ignored all of the guys on the ice who tried to surround him and instead pointed up at where Daniella was sitting with her entourage. The arena roared with a new wave of excitement. It made Eric sick to his stomach. He glared up at the jumbotron which was replaying the exchange in slow-motion. It felt like a personal attack somehow, like the cameramen had some sort of vendetta against him. He only looked away from the screen when they showed the bench again and he saw himself. He stuck out like a sore thumb—a very unimpressed thumb—compared to the rest of his teammates, who were cheering and beaming at Luca as skated past the bench. He glanced over at Luca and finally caught his gaze. Everything seemed to slow down.

There was something in his eyes that Eric couldn't quite name—embarrassment? Anxiety? Hesitancy? Whatever it was, it wasn't the same confidence that Luca could play up for the rest of the arena. No, Eric knew him better than that. It was almost like he was anticipating Eric's reaction, like he wanted him to do something. 

You aren't really enjoying this, a small voice spoke up in the back of his mind. This is all a show. A show that Eric had seen before—a show that he had put on himself back in San Jose.

You're trying to make me jealous. And it's working.

Fuck.

When Luca finally approached the end of the bench where Eric was, he refused to look away first. He was still watching, waiting, gauging.

It was just the two of them in that moment. Eric wanted to grab him, to yell at him, to kiss him. To tell him that he saw right through Luca's bullshit. That he hoped that Luca could see through his as well. He wanted to apologize and cry and ask him if he was being crazy for thinking that they could be anything more than friends. He wanted to do so much but he couldn't. All he could do in that moment, under the intensity of the strobe lights and the cameras, was look into Luca's eyes and tap their gloves together. Just like every other teammate had.

As Eric took the ice for the next face-off he realized that he didn't want to be just another teammate to Luca. He wanted so much more and if he wanted that then he was going to have to do something about it. Something terrifying.

He was going to have to stop lying to himself.

///

Breaking up with Isabelle went a lot better than Eric thought it would.

After meeting Luca she seemed to put the puzzle pieces together quickly. What might’ve taken her the time between their introduction back in the Centaur's family room and puck drop had taken Eric months. He wasn’t exactly proud of it but having that conversation behind him lifted a weight off of his chest that he thought was permanently stuck there. That was until he got home from dropping Isabelle off.

It was late so he hadn’t expected Cassie and Bood to still be awake but the universe wasn’t exactly on his side that day. When he came in from the garage and saw them together on the couch, he sighed. He really just wanted to go lie down; to cry and eat some chips, maybe watch a movie because he already knew that he wasn't getting any sleep that night. Instead, the two of them looked over the back of the couch at him.

“Did Isabelle get home safely—” Cassie started to ask before she saw Eric’s face, “What’s wrong?”

He thought he’d done his best to wipe away the tears before he got out of the car but maybe he was still looking worse for wear. Worse than he usually did after a gruelling game.

“I think I fucked up.” He admitted feebly. Another tear fell from his eye.

Bood was off the couch in an instant, crossing the room in a few simple strides before pulling Eric into a hug. Eric fisted the back of Bood’s sweater in his hands as more tears fell. They stood like that for a while, for longer than Eric had ever been hugged in his life, before Bood carefully pulled away. Eric followed him over to the living room where Cassie had a half-eaten tub of ice cream perched in her lap. She offered it to him silently, almost comedically, and it made Eric crack a small smile.

“No, no. I’m okay.” He shook his head and fell into the arm chair across from them. She smiled warmly at him and placed it on the coffee table for him anyways. He caved and ate a few spoonfuls as he collected his emotions. 

“What’s going on, Youngster?” Bood asked carefully.

Well, it was now or never. He released a shaky breath.

“Me and Isabelle broke up.” He started, staring down at the tub of ice cream. If Cassie and Bood had an adverse reaction, he didn’t see it. He wiped a tired hand over his face, “It was amicable. We sort of realized that we weren’t on the same page.”

“The same page?” Cassie furrowed her eyebrows.

Eric wanted to say it, to just hear himself say the words “I’m bisexual” out loud, but he couldn’t. He stared at the coffee table; at the tub of ice cream that was melting at the surface, at the coasters he bought Cassie for Christmas, at the iPad that Bood always propped up on Sunday mornings for them to review tape together. It was like a snapshot of the little family he’d grown these past four months. The little family that might look at him differently if he was honest with them.

They weren't the only ones, though. His mind trailed to the locker room, to how their team might react. Would they accept him for who he was? Would they be comfortable with him in the showers? Would they treat him differently? He wasn't ready for any of that. 

And then there was his grandparents. A small part of him felt guilty that he hadn't been honest with them on Christmas morning. It would've made everything easier, it would've alleviated some of the pain he carried with him on the plane back to Ottawa. The pain that he naively pushed aside and thought he could ignore with a dumb list of goals for the second-half of the season. He still had it in his wallet, scribbled on an Air Canada napkin with a pen he had borrowed from the flight attendant. 

Then there was the doubt, which crept in like an unwelcome guest. If only he could’ve pretended a little longer—held onto Isabelle long enough to get away with it all. He really did like her, she was fun and kind. She didn’t even blame him when he broke up with her; she was sad, understandably, but she didn’t want Eric to hide away the parts of himself that made him who he was. She even said that maybe down the road, when things settled down and Eric figured some things out, that they could be friends. Eric held onto that kindness like a glimmer of hope amidst a really shitty situation. A situation he had gotten himself into but was going to get himself out of if it was the last thing he did. All of that started here, in the living room, with Cassie and Bood. 

“Eric, you’re scaring me.” Cassie said. 

He finally met their eyes from across the coffee table.

“I, um, I have something to tell you guys but I'm scared that you're going to look at me differently.” He admitted quietly.

“You can tell us anything.” Bood reassured him, scooching forward on the couch and leaning his forearms against his knees. They waited patiently for Eric to collect his thoughts. He took a deep breath.

“I’m bisexual.” 

He expected silence. Confusion. Questions. Accusations.

None of that came. Instead, Cassie immediately got up from the couch, rounded the coffee table with practiced ease, and pulled him into a tight hug.

“Oh Eric.” She sniffled. He didn’t know when she’d started crying but it made him feel safe to let a few more slip down his own cheeks. He hugged her back, careful not to squeeze her too hard or let any of his tears fall onto her shoulder. She didn’t seem to care as she held him even tighter, like she was trying to express all of her love in one simple act, “I’m sure you’ve been holding onto this for such a long time. I’m so sorry.”

It only took a second for Bood to join them, wrapping his arms protectively around the both of them and gently rocking them back and forth. When they eventually pulled apart, Cassie carefully wiped Eric’s tears away.

Eric smiled to himself.

“How long have you been holding onto this?” She asked, taking her place back on the couch again. Eric fell back into his chair too, surprisingly lighter than he was a few moments before.

“Uh, I think I figured it out in high school but I didn’t tell anyone.” He admitted shyly. Bood nodded like he knew exactly what Eric was thinking about.

“Hockey culture can be brutal. Isolating.” He said with a tight-lipped smile.

“Yeah.” Eric exhaled. He knew that with Bood being a black man in a predominantly white sport that he had likely experienced some similar things.

Cassie shook her head, “It’s so fucking stupid. People can love whoever they want.”

Eric chuckled at Cassie’s growing anger, like she was going full mom-mode on the hypothetical homophobes that Eric had encountered over the course of his life. She hadn’t realized it but she started rubbing her belly protectively as she went on a whole tangent about it on Eric’s behalf.

“Okay, honey, I’m sure Eric appreciates your passion,” Bood glanced tentatively over at Eric who nodded in agreement, “But maybe we should take some deep breaths.”

She glared at the coffee table, still muttering her grievances under her breath as Bood led her through some deep breaths. When she calmed down again, she returned her attention to Eric.

“So what happened with Isabelle then? Did she not take it well?” Cassie asked.

Eric quickly realized that he’d made Isabelle out to sound like one of those homophobes that Cassie strongly detested.

“No, no! She actually took it really well.” He corrected himself before Cassie did something crazy like call Isabelle and curse her out. He wouldn't put it past her.

They both looked at him quizzically then, silently wondering how Eric ended up in this situation if he was still attracted to women. Eric sighed.

“I sort of have a crush on someone else.” He mumbled, looking down at his hands. His heart rate picked up again.

“Oh.” Cassie said. She glanced over at Bood who didn’t take his eyes off of Eric. He was studying him, putting pieces together before Eric could even admit to it himself.

“I think you might know who.” Eric said quietly. He hesitantly met Bood’s eyes and then Cassie's. There was something in Cassie’s expression that led him to believe that she knew as well.

“Oh Eric.” She sighed again, leaning back into the couch. He really was putting her through the ultimate stress test tonight. He hoped that when the baby came out that it wouldn’t hate him too much for it.

“I know, I know. I fucked up.” Eric groaned.

He ran both hands over his face, trying to pretend like this wasn’t the most embarrassing conversation he’d ever had. He felt like a little kid again, admitting to his grandmother in kindergarten that he wanted to make a special Valentine's card for his first crush. She hadn't teased him for it but she had this particular smile on her face as she helped him pick out the craft materials at the Dollar Store. He wondered if she would have given him that same smile back on Christmas Day had he been honest with them about his feelings for Luca. He silently hoped that he would see that smile again one day, even though he was an adult now. Even if his crush just so happened to be a man. 

“You need to talk to him.” Bood said.

“I don’t think he wants to talk to me.” Eric bit the inside of his cheek to prevent any further tears. He was tired of crying.

“I don’t care.” Bood said abruptly, using a firmer tone now, “You’re talking to him. The two of you have been dancing around this for long enough and it’s been impacting the team. You need to figure it out.”

There was a confidence about him that equally terrified and comforted Eric. He knew that Bood was right, that he needed to pluck up the courage and finally confess his feelings for Luca, but that didn’t make it any easier. He sort of hoped that he could come out to Cassie and Bood, slowly mend his friendship with Luca, and then lay low for a while. Maybe he could gauge his grandparent's perspective on everything and then have that conversation with Luca when he felt a bit more confident. 

“I’m scared.” Eric said exasperatedly. He said the words before he could even think them through, like they were just waiting to escape his body. That confession seemed to land somewhere in Bood’s chest as his expression softened. Eric kept going, letting the rest of his anxieties escape him, “What if I tell him how I feel and then he says he doesn’t feel the same way back? Then I just fucked up our whole friendship for nothing and the team falls apart and I get traded next year and I have to leave all of you and–”

“Eric, I need you to take a few deep breaths for me.” Bood said calmly. Eric did as he was told even if he felt silly doing it. Cassie even joined in to make him feel less alone. The three of them were a wreck.

“Okay first of all, I think Luca likes you back–”

“But–”

“Listen.”

Eric shut his mouth.

Bood took a deep breath, “Second, even if he doesnt—and this is a strong if because I think he does—then it isn’t going to ruin your friendship. You guys have something special, everyone can see it.”

“For the record my gaydar is pretty good and I also think Luca is into you!” Cassie chimed in, trying to relieve a bit of the serious tension between the pair of them.

Eric and Bood just looked at her; as if Eric hadn’t been bisexual this whole time and she had no clue. She quickly encouraged Bood to continue when she realized her flawed logic. Bood shook his head with disbelief at his wife as a small chuckle escaped him. He patted her knee a couple times to which she just rolled her eyes at him. It would’ve been a very cute exchange had Eric not been spiralling at that moment. Bood turned his attention back to Eric.

“Third, you are not going to impact the team. If anything, you’re doing that right now by not communicating with one another. I don’t know if you’ve noticed but we’ve been on a bit of a losing streak.” He pointed out.

Eric knew that, he just didn’t want to believe that it was partially his fault.

“Fourth, the chances of you getting traded next year are very slim. You’re already playing on the second line. You’re playing well. And even if those two things weren’t true, you signed a two-year rookie contract, it just doesn’t make sense logistically.” Bood said it all like it was the simplest thing in the world. Maybe it was to him, he had been playing in this league far longer than Eric could even comprehend, and he'd been with the Centaurs the whole time. He practically built the foundation that Eric benefitted from today. Eric’s heart rate slowly settled as Bood continued. 

“And finally, regardless of what happens, you are never ever going to lose us.” He said firmly, glancing over at Cassie who nodded her head eagerly, “You could be playing in, I don’t know, Norway, and we would still be there for you.”

Eric smiled down at his hands, letting the weight of Bood’s words wash over him. He really was going to be a great dad.

“You can’t get rid of us that easily.” Cassie added softly. Eric smiled.

“Thank you.” He said quietly.

They sat in a contemplative silence for a little bit, Eric just replaying the events of the night in his mind over again. He realized that even with all of the heartache and trouble he’d been through, it was all worth it if it landed him here. He just hoped that by talking to Luca it would make him feel even better.

“Feeling better?” Cassie asked cautiously, pulling him out of his thoughts.

Eric nodded. He was suddenly quite exhausted. 

"Is there anything else you need to tell us?" There was a sense of levity to Bood's tone, "Like that you're also a sleeper cell spy? Or that you once ran away to join the circus?"

Eric laughed.

"No, I think that's it." He grinned over at the pair, "Thank you. For everything."

"We're always here for you, I hope you know that." Cassie smiled at him, slowly getting herself up from the couch again.

Eric glanced between her and then Bood. He didn’t know what he did to deserve them but he said a silent thank you to the universe for bringing them into his life. Even if all else failed and some of his worst thoughts came to fruition, at least he knew that he could get through it with these two by his side. 

"I do."

Chapter End Notes

And the rest is history! I hope you enjoyed some more Eric POV, I really enjoyed writing from his perspective :)

Don't think too hard about the timeline of things, I tried my best to make it all make sense but if things don't add up then done sue me pls lol

Did you like this? What other one shots/fics would you want from this universe? Lmk and maybe I'll write it one day. Thanks so much for all of the love <3