Rating:

Teen And Up Audiences

Archive Warning:

No Archive Warnings Apply

Category:

M/M

Fandoms:

Heated Rivalry (TV), Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid

Relationship:

Shane Hollander/Ilya Rozanov

Characters:

Shane Hollander, Ilya Rozanov

Additional Tags:

Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Happy Ending, Getting Back Together, Arguing, Making Up, recommended that you read part one, but if you're just here for the angst I respect that, Communication, Imagine that

Language:

English

Series:

Part 2 of Divorced Shane AU

Stats:

Published: 2026-01-17 Words: 2,885 Chapters: 1/1

dig down deep

Summary

Eventually, they have to talk about it.

The world resumes its spins. The sex runs out. They kiss until their lips are bruised and they make up for lost time in any way that they can, and Ilya only leaves the hotel room to get food for them both. It is the middle of the night and their heartbeats have returned to normal. The silence has finally sunk in.

Shane whispers, “Talk now?”

Ilya kisses him on the forehead. “Talk now.”

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

They talk about Shane’s divorce. They have a lot to say.

Notes

Might mess around and make this a whole series of AUs.

Title from Showbiz by Hayley Williams, the love of my life.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

 

Eventually, they have to talk about it.

 

The world resumes its spins. The sex runs out. They kiss until their lips are bruised and they make up for lost time in any way that they can, and Ilya only leaves the hotel room to get food for them both. It is the middle of the night and their heartbeats have returned to normal. The silence has finally sunk in.

 

Shane whispers, “Talk now?”

 

Ilya kisses him on the forehead. “Talk now.”

 

Shane sits up. He doesn’t go far, snuggled up against Ilya’s side with Ilya’s arm draped around him. It is getting warmer in the hotel room from all of their activities and Shane’s skin is a little sticky. Ilya loves it.

 

“I don’t know where to start,” Shane admits.

 

“The beginning is good.”

 

“I don’t even know where that is anymore,” he sighs, but begins anyway: “I really did think I liked Rose. She is smart and clever and likes hockey, and we got along really well. The conversation never died, and I always felt like we could be honest with each other. I told her there had been someone else but she never really asked who. We didn’t feel the need to talk about the people we saw before each other.”

 

Shane hesitates.

 

“I thought about breaking it off a lot,” he admits, sounding like he never admitted it to anyone before. “Especially in the beginning, before it got too real and serious. She wasn’t wrong—the sex was awful at first, and I had a feeling I shouldn’t be so nervous about having it with her. But denial is a hell of a thing, right?”

 

Ilya knows a thing or two about denial.

 

“We kept dating, even if it broke my heart every time I saw you. I kept lying to myself about why it hurt, and convincing myself it was because we never really—closed it up? It felt like broken edges, you know? But I didn’t know how to talk to you about it. I wasn’t sure what to say, and you could barely look at me, and I didn’t want to fight with you.” Shane’s voice breaks as he says, “I thought I was happy. So when my parents asked when I was going to marry her, even if it was only a couple of months in, I bought a ring.”

 

Ilya knew this part would hurt. He never imagined how much.

 

Shane starts tugging at his hair. He looks like he might start crying. Ilya knows he needs to hear this so he doesn’t stop him.

 

“I felt like I was losing my mind. Like I wasn’t even in control of myself. And everyone was so happy for us, so I kept thinking that I must be doing the right thing, and this must be what I want, and I wasn’t—I wasn’t unhappy, you know? Maybe it would be like if you married that girl from Boston—Svetlana, right? Like if you married her.”

 

Ilya considers it and admits, “Maybe.”

 

“Maybe,” Shane agrees, because he doesn’t seem to believe in his own lies anymore. “I convinced myself so wholly that I was making everyone happy, even myself, that I believed it. It sounds crazy when I say it out loud. I just wanted everyone to be happy.”

 

“So you eloped.”

 

“So we eloped,” Shane sighs. “Again, it seemed like a good idea at the time.”

 

Ilya can still remember the feral headlines when the press caught up to them and found out about the elopement, and he can still remember feeling like he heard a shattering crack where his heart broke as he found out. He remembers how much he drank to get as drunk as he did, so much that the bartender looked at him in pity instead of disgust, and he was kind enough to call some people on his phone to pick him up, even if those teammates have never been the same since.

 

Ilya doesn’t remember what he said that night. He is certain it was too much. He doesn’t think he wants to know.

 

Knocking him out of his reverie, Shane says, “It was okay at first, honestly. We lived apart far more than we lived together. And then she took a break from projects and stayed at my house all of the time, and I realized I was dreading going home. I knew I wouldn’t act that way if it was you.”

 

“Selfish,” Ilya realizes with surprise, because Shane is so rarely that way.

 

Shane shakes his head, but laughs a little despite himself. “It was. I felt like an asshole. But it was the biggest sign of how unhappy I was, you know? I was finally looking around at my life and wondering what the hell happened. Rose and I fought a lot, and I started to wish I hadn’t married her at all.”

 

Ilya wants to let him talk. He wants to punch him. He wants to let Shane have all of the space he needs in order to heal and move on, so he can walk into Ilya’s arms with all of the confidence he needs. Ilya holds his tongue because it is the kind thing to do, but he cannot hide that there are plenty of things he wants to say. He thinks that is why Shane has stopped looking at him.

 

Shane says, “It didn’t work. We both knew it. So we lived apart for a year, and then we divorced. And that’s it.”

 

That’s it. As if it was ever that simple. As if Ilya didn’t have mental breakdowns to the tune of what Shane Hollander has done with his life, as if this was nothing more than a science experiment that didn’t work out the way he thought it would.

 

Ilya puts his head in his hands and tries to breathe through it.

 

He has experienced the worst years of his life, he thinks, not counting the years around when his mother died. He thinks this might be close to taking it, though, so it hurts something fierce to know Shane is summarizing it like it is an episode of a show he didn’t like. As if a huge event in his life didn’t affect anyone other than him.

 

Shane touches his shoulder hesitantly. When Ilya looks up, his eyes are dry. 

 

“That’s it?” he asks.

 

“I think so,” Shane replies, shaking his head.

 

That is really it. To Shane, it was a years-long mistake. Ilya can only imagine what he thinks of him.

 

Ilya knows better than to ask, but he still does: “When did you realize you were in love with me?”

 

Shane narrows his eyes. “I don’t know exactly when. I just knew how I felt when I looked at you, and when I knew I was going to see you, and I realized I didn’t feel the same way for my own wife.”

 

“So, years?”

 

“I suspected,” Shane finally admits, but doesn’t seem happy about it. Shane does this thing when he is about to shut down where he gets twitchy, panicky, and Ilya can see it building in his eyes now. He is normally indulgent to this. He does not think he can be today. “Why do you ask?”

 

“Because I think it is important.”

 

“Maybe,” Shane allows, and his shoulders tighten. Bracing for impact.

 

Ilya does not want this to be a fight. He brushes hair out of Shane’s face and murmurs, “I am not mad. Not at you. I just need to know.”

 

Shane hesitates before he admits, “I didn’t realize it for a long time, but once I did—I think it was a while.”

 

Ilya takes that in. Hates it. “Before you married her?”

 

“I think so.”

 

“So why marry her?”

 

Shane breathes out, annoyed. “I thought we already talked about this.”

 

It is not a good answer. Ilya has gotten better with controlling his temper, especially around this man, but he feels it surge behind the walls he keeps it. He bites it back but he knows some of it is showing on his face. He thinks he will always hold some of his father’s anger. 

 

Ilya hates the most that he can kind of fathom it. He hates that the thought has crossed his mind to marry Svetlana for citizenship before, even if he knows their chemistry is largely in the bedroom and she would only marry him out of kindness. But Shane did not do it because of a green card. He did it because he thought he wanted her. He thought he loved her.

 

What if he only thinks he loves Ilya?

 

Ilya knows that is unfair the moment he thinks it. He knows it is unjust and unkind. But he cannot help but to have the thought anyway, reacting to the bolt of fear that propels through him. Ilya knows that he and Shane have built a precarious relationship over the years so there is a deep fear inside of him that it will stay precarious forever, even if Shane loves him, even if Ilya loves him back.

 

Ilya says the only thing that sounds fair: “I am afraid of you.”

 

Shane flinches like he’s been hit.

 

Ilya hates to say it, but he thinks that is what has actually made him so anxious, so terrified. He is worried Shane will go years into this with him in all seriousness, that he will let Shane hold his heart only for him to decide that this, too, is a mistake. All Ilya can do is trust like Rose did, and she ended up with her heart broken. He knows Shane is a kind man but he does not always think the way Ilya thinks. He wonders, vaguely, if Shane loves as deeply as he does.

 

He does. Of course he does. But Ilya is a live wire of hurt and confusion and he thinks this is the exact wrong time to have this conversation, but he doesn’t think he can go on without knowing more about this whole clusterfuck. He doesn’t think he can love freely without knowing what Shane is thinking.

 

So he explains, softly, “You can hurt me. I loved you for years, and I know now that you loved me back, but you didn’t let it happen. What is different now?”

 

“So much,” Shane replies, sitting forward and grabbing Ilya’s face between his hands. “I know that I love you now. I have known it for a long time but I never let myself believe in it, but I do now. I have been wanting to tell you for so long, but I didn’t know if it was fair. I’d just gotten divorced, and I didn’t know if you liked me like that. But I wanted you to, so badly it killed me. So badly I told my parents about you and cried like a loser about it.”

 

“You told them about me?” Ilya asks hoarsely.

 

“I did,” Shane tells him, tipping their foreheads together. “I told them I didn’t love Rose and I loved this guy instead, who they have definitely heard of and that they won’t believe I love like crazy.”

 

“What did they say?”

 

“They asked if it was you,” he says. “And I told them yes.”

 

To have Shane come out to his parents was one thing, but to have him so proudly admit to loving Ilya of all people really puts him over the edge. Ilya has never had anyone love him like this. 

 

Shane touches his face sweetly and murmurs, “They are going to love you.”

 

Ilya thinks his mother would love Shane like he loves him. He thinks he wants to hand over every piece of his life and let Shane reshape them to fit into his, because Ilya thinks he would do anything if it means he can share his life with this man forever.

 

“I want to meet them,” he confesses, a moment of vulnerability.

 

“Soon,” Shane promises, and kisses him again. “They’re getting used to it.”

 

“To me?”

 

“To all of it,” Shane confesses, and makes a face. “I didn’t make it easy for them.”

 

“No.”

 

Shane runs his hand through Ilya’s curls and asks quietly, “Have you loved me for a long time?”

 

A long time. Too long. “Before you did.”

 

“Are you sure?”

 

Ilya grins crooked and sweet. “Yes. Am sure.”

 

Shane shakes his head like it is a bit of a competition, the way he so often is, and it makes Ilya laugh. Shane softens at the sound slightly, like it makes him relax, and Ilya thinks he could laugh a lot for this man. He thinks he is always going to be worth the risk, the same way he was worth the wait. He thinks it is starting to feel incredibly like forever.

 

He knows there is more to talk about, but it feels less urgent. Less raw. It feels like when they started, when he knew he would learn things from Shane slowly and in all due time. It feels like the beginning of something great and larger than they are. Something that is going to mean something.

 

Ilya wants to embrace it with both hands. He wants to bask in it.

 

“We will make it work,” he decides.

 

Shane deflates like he has been holding his breath, like he thought, somehow, that Ilya might decide otherwise. Ilya loves him enough that it breaks his heart a little bit, but he understands. He is afraid too. He cannot be mad at Shane for experiencing the exact same emotions he is feeling right now.

 

Shane puts his head on Ilya’s shoulder, cuddling closer. “We will,” he promises, and he sounds so serious and determined that it makes Ilya smile.

 

There is more to talk about. He thinks it will be too much to ever do it in one night, too humbling to ever know all at once. Ilya feels burnt out as it is. He doesn’t think he needs to hear more about Rose Landry tonight.

 

Shane seems to know that. They both have said plenty. There is nowhere to go but upward toward whatever they are about to build. They are about to be everything more than what they had once hoped for.

 

Ilya kisses him softly and whispers, “Later.”

 

Shane nods.

 

There is so much more to say. It does not need to be said now.

 

That is the basis of a relationship, Ilya thinks—they have said what they needed to say for now. There is always room to learn more later.

 

Ilya thinks there are things he needs to say, for sure, about how he felt when Shane did what he did. But he does not want to say them now, so he will not. He will save them for tomorrow, or later today, or whatever time works for them to have the calm and collected conversation that they need to have. The hurt will not disappear overnight, even if Ilya says what he needs to say right then and there.

 

There is time to work through it. Everything will not be fixed overnight.

 

Ilya will not stop being terrified overnight. 

 

This is all going to take time. He knows Shane loves him, and believes him wholeheartedly when he says so. He knows that Shane wants to be with him. He can only trust that he means for it to be for forever.

 

Ilya can forgive him and understand him tonight. They can talk like this in the morning.

 

He kisses Shane on the forehead. “Hungry?”

 

“It’s the middle of the night.”

 

As if on cue, Ilya’s stomach rumbles.

 

“Unbelievable.”

 

“I am who I am.”

 

“We just ate,” Shane laughs, and his face lights up when he laughs. He sinks back down into the bed, like he has finally found the ability to relax again. He peers up at Ilya with that half smile that Ilya would kill a man to see. “Would it kill you to order something with a salad?”

 

“Maybe,” Ilya says, reaching toward the side table for the room service menu. “Too boring.”

 

“You need to find a new word.”

 

“No.”

 

Shane kisses him on the side of the neck and allows, “I’d kill for a burger.”

 

“See?” Ilya demands. “Is so hard?”

 

“I have a diet plan, you know.”

 

“Have a treat. Just once. Special occasion.”

 

“Very special,” Shane allows, kissing him again. “Fine.”

 

“Always get what I want,” Ilya murmurs.

 

Shane runs a hand through his hair and murmurs, “I want to hear from you next time, you know. I think there’s more you haven’t told me.”

 

So maybe it will happen sooner rather than later. Ilya can live with that. He thinks it might be for the best—it is a good day when Shane wants to know more about him, and will love him despite anything that he says.

 

So Ilya opens the hotel menu and looks for the burgers section, and he is so in love with a man that he feels like he could love forever, someone he will tell that to soon. But for now, they don’t need to say anything at all. It does not need to be more than this.

 

Ilya feels like he can finally breathe.